#edpoetry

[boneyybaloney]

An original ED poem by boneyybaloney

Enjoy this? Check out more from the podcast, “Falling Into Holes: A Memoir” available across all podcast platforms.

#tw edd #ed vent #notprojustusingthetags #pro for myself #thin$po #tw ed rant #⭐️ve #⭐️ving #th1gh g@p #ed poetry #edpoetry

[wetsaliva]

my writing teacher offered me cake and I said no

i despise cake i feel sick stomach dont you dare i will hurt you!

#eating struggles #eatingdisorder #poem #poetry #edpoetry

[lena-oleanderson]

#poetry #poem #lena's bad poetry archives #edrecovery #edpoetry #ed poetry #writerblr #creative writing #lena's poetry archives

[poetry4rose]

tw // ed poetry

“ugw”

today i hit my ultimate goal weight

i’ve been dreaming of this day for years

imagining the satisfaction of seeing that number

feeling wholly complete with that number

lighting up with joy and pride in my hard work

but

i didn’t smile

in fact, i felt nothing

nothing but utter and complete indifference

then i asked

“what now?”

and ana said

“lower”

#tw #twed #tw // ed #ana #ugw #poetry #edpoetry #writing #anorexik

[gigi1givenchy]

I’ve been so fucking

sad lately

and when I look in the mirror

i can’t stop hating

what i see.

but maybe if i smile

at myself differently,

then i’ll like what i see.

maybe if i coat my

face in makeup,

or slightly tilt my chin up,

i could be satisfied.

or maybe if i slept in

a little longer,

and skipped a meal

or two,

or three,

maybe

just maybe i’d be happy

with what i see.

because i’m tired of being compared

to all of my skinny friends,

and I’m tired of sucking in my stomach

to fit in

my jeans.

I’m tired of pitiful looks

when i can not achieve that

“certain look”

because i am too heavy.

what’s a few meals here and there,

if i’m skinny,

then i won’t care.

#proana #meanspo #skinnyspo #depression #ed thoughts #proanapoetry #edpoetry #struggling #mentalillness

[stardust-and-lemonwater]

Black coffee and sadness

I want to write so much about trying to slowly wither away but it’s so cliche.

I have so much to say. Nothing makes sense anymore in my mind.

Too many numbers in the way,

and I hate math.

I gain four pounds and I decide to drink black coffee

even though it tastes like ass. I’m convinced that black coffee tastes better though.

I don’t know what I really like anymore.

Except chips and chocolate, the best binge foods.

The binge foods that make the cashier ask if all of it’s for me. The uncomfortable situation that makes me lie and say my brother and I are studying.

At least I’m finally eating.

Except I’m finally eating all the time. I can’t stop consuming.

I’m not a thanksgiving turkey so I need to stop stuffing myself. I need to feel skinny so I can look skinnier.

It’s so funny how feeling full makes me look ten times fatter, and hunger makes me look like a real anorexic.

I think other people can’t see the difference between the two. It all goes under an x-x large hoodie anyways.

Life sucks.

Everything’s triggering for some reason and I can’t stop shaking from the ass- tasting coffee.

I know this isn’t what living is but I’m scared to live without it.

-K.S 🍋

[thestartandendofeverything]

December 23, 2018 My life revolves around taking pills I literally count my prescription bottles Every day, throughout the day I know exactly how many I have, And I’m obsessed with double checking. I’m shaking constantly But I’m skinny. My nails are breaking off But I’m skinny. I can’t focus on anything But I’m skinny. I’m miserable But I’m skinny. I’m dying But I’m skinny. R e c o v e r Or die. But I don’t really want to do either. So I don’t make a choice. Except not making one Is still a decision Not choosing recovery Is automatically choosing to die. It’s just easier not to acknowledge that. Bruises cover my legs, Don’t even know how they got there. I drink because at least then I stop thinking about it (S o r t  O f ) I feel my body getting weaker I know it’s slowly shutting down But I don’t care Cause at least I’m skinny. I love my ribs I love my collarbone I love the way my skin Stretches tight against my cheekbones I like looking at my back Cause I can see my spinal cord. I don’t like my body, I don’t like my mind, But at least I love my bones.

december 23rd 2018 - krc 

#personal #eating disorder #eating disorder poetry #recovery #poetry #ed #sick #anorexia #poem #poet #i wrote this #ed poetry #edpoetry #thoughts #hi

[thinning-riagirl18-blog]

Poetry soothes my starving self

Just an ed poem I wrote

Little girl

Little girl standing there

Fairy wings and knotted curls

Messy face, chocolate smeared

Mismatched socks and untied shoes

Not a care in the world aside from play-doh and mac and cheese.

Flash forward, time for school

No more daycare, no secret treats.

Pretty pink backpacks, sequined clothes "school is great, even the lunch"

Sharpened pencils, color crayons, time tables, library time "reading is fun but math is hard"

High school now here we go, Algebra, Physics, English, Chemistry

Too much homework no time to eat.

Lunch bell clangs, loud and clear. Stomach growls food is near

So I sit, friends and all, corner seat sipping water no food for me

Walk home books in hand, dinner never seemed like such a command

Pizza, pasta, chocolate cake, salads,breadsticks tick tick tick

In the bedroom half past 3, wide awake burning calories when no one can see.

Dizzy now, must take a break,

Bend my rules but don't cave

Grab an apple, take a bite, chew chew chew, swallow.

The juicy flesh making you swoon

The voice subsides and another quips

Recover, recover, you can do it!

And so you do, small things first.

A simple, bite chew swallow, bite chew swallow cycle is normal again.

#ed #edrecovery #edpoetry #edpost #recovery #anorexia #bumilia #therapy

[soul-edpoetry]

soul-edpoetry

#silk #overthinking #h20 just add water #2020

[fallintopairs-blog]

Maybe it's natural beauty...who are we kidding it's almost definitely fucking maybelline or max factor or some other brand of gunk marketed at women who are systematically demotivated and embarrassed by a society based off having the unachievabley perfect body. Starve yourself to death and for a not so limited edition price you can get the latest limited edition product to cover up the bags under your eyes and the hollows of your cheeks, so you can carry on pretending there's nothing better for you than a week long juice cleanse.

Someone tired of the being told people are jealous of the body created by an eating disorder slowly destroying me from the inside out

#ed #eating disroders #fuck eds #edpoetry #media lies #poetry #self destruction

[stardust-and-lemonwater]

Hi, nice to meet you: I’m uncomfortable in my own skin.

Why does everyone feel the need to make comments about my body?

Please stop talking about it, it’s not even that important.

A boy said I had nice curves but I’m trying to sharpen myself in order to stab anyone that tries to hurt me.

My stepmom says I’ve been loosing weight, and she’s not wrong but I just want to take up less space.

My grandmother says I don’t have a bum, and I cringe.

My body is not yours to comment on.

It is my

work in progress.

-K.S 🍋

[urrriel]

Feeling super nostalgic tonight. I wrote this my senior year of high school for English class, in the peak of my struggle with my eating disorder. I still read it when I find myself struggling; the determination I see written between the words of this poem always inspires me to keep fighting.

#poetry #edrecovery #edpoetry

[thinning-riagirl18-blog]

Take. It. Back. - An Eating Disorder poem

Take it back

I would scream silently, at the number on the scale after adamantly

Choosing to believe it was wrong, that I hadnt gained

Day after day I chose not to consume,but saw no results, aside from the constant rumbling of my stomach and tge sharp hunger pains.

Take. It. Back.

As the doctors would poke and prod, insisting their consults would be of help

and despite your positive words, your thoughts, your prayers, your "encouragement" the compliments girls give, in secret on all fours, one toilet to another.

The afraid looks of family members as I dove deeper, the water turning darker as it engulfed me.

Friends tried to understand and support and pull me out of the dark waters

I still became a captive, a prisoner to my own mind.

Chained, shackled and bound to the rules.

Rules that defined me. Rules that slowly consumed me, sucking me in

The thoughts that latched on, their sharp teeth feeding on my soul

They pulled slowly, taking pieces of my life from me.

Family.

Friends.

Hobbies.

Happiness.

Health.

No matter what you did or said. They wouldnt go.

No matter how loud I screamed. No matter how much I resisted.

You couldn't reverse the damage done beneath

I could not stop the train.

The wheels of fate spun so fast, they wrapped arpund the chain that kept me sane

Pulling me deeper, further in to the sludge of self scrutiny

Sustenence turned to gluttony

Food became an enemy

Calories became everything.

Notebooks filled with dates, weights and lists.

Lists of safe and unsafe foods, unmet weight goals, thinspiration pictures, stick thin models or quotes.

Tracking everything, every morsel, every crumb.

So much that I forgot who I could become.

Time went on, seasons changed, hunger no longer was a pain

I felt.

My results showed slowly, and I put up a mask.

Words began taking the place of food, words helped, they consoled.

They gave inspiration and warmth from the cold.

From the ache and twinge of hunger pains.

No.

Stop.

Anna would whisper, voice like silk

Until I broke, stuffing myself

Pizza, pasta, chocolate cake,

Not long after I would ache

Then her voice was venom, harsh words spilled.

You're fat.

A waste of space.

And I would listen as she lied,

Not realizing I could have tried

She overpowered, taking everything.

In the dead of night, blankets pushed to the end of the bed

Pounding sit ups until it hurt

Anna would whisper

I will make you beautiful

I will make you thin

You will be the one girls envy

But never did I think to look within, look from a new angle, from the eye of the beholder.

The one who made me perfectly in every way, the pne who asks tenderly "why do you feel this way?"

The one who gives me signs in the night sky, showing me that I am,the faughter of the one true King. I am more beautiful than jewels.

After a while. A fire burning bright inside, I

Tore up those lies, saying "Take your pain,

Take your lies that fogged my brain,

Take back all the nights you wore your disguise

Take. It. Back.

And give me my life"

#edrecovery #poetry #deepbuttrue #poetrysoothesmyachingsoul #loveyourself #fuckanorexia #edpost #edpoetry #ed