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cat-mentality · 7 months

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I wonder how fucking scared Cellbit must be all the time.

How every time anyone on the Island, but mostly his family, go anywhere near any building of the Federation or any close to Cucurucho the only thing going through his mind is the crippling fear that they will not come back.

Or not whole at least.

I wonder if he thinks about Felps. About a body trapped in ice, so cold to the touch that it hurt to hold him but he still pushed through it to hold him to his chest, Felps looking so still, pale and lifeless, breathing so slow he feared for the worst.

I wonder if he thinks about a long corridor and the pain as the chainsaw made contact with his flesh, of the warmth of the blood, if he is haunted by the echo of the mechanical laughter.

I wonder if he thinks about the missing days.

If he keeps awake at night trying to remember anything that happened. Anything he may have done. Wonders in the dark of the nights what was so terrible, so secretive the Federation didn't allow him to remember doing.

I wonder if every time someone is gone for too long Cellbit fears for the worst.

If when Etoiles is gone for some faraway dungeon he worries he will go missing and they wouldn't even know. If when Felps goes mining, deep underground when no one can reach him not even his own memories, Cellbit will sometimes go to his square just to hear the noise, to calm himself.

If he keeps track of when Roier or any of the FavelaFive leave any building, if he pays attention to where they are going and whether or not they are alone because no one really paid attention to Quackity leaving and look at how he is now. I wonder if he checks in the map from time to time just to make sure he knows where they are in case they need help, or even to know where to look if they don't come back when they are supposed to.

I wonder if he feels dread polling in his insides when he can't find their location. I wonder if he tries to keep optimistic, understand that sometimes people just need a bit of privacy and quiet, but another part is dreading the connotations, is wondering if the lack of location was not something forced.

I wonder if he worries about all those people accepting tasks from Cucurucho. I don't think Cellbit is truly angry about it, or at least not angry for the obvious reasons (He tortured me, a voice he tries to bury still screeches somewhere inside, do none of you care about all the pain he caused me? Traitors, traitors) but because he knows what the Federation is capable off, if when he hears Jaiden insist that Cucurucho is not so bad he is terrified they will use her ability to see the good on anyone to hurt her.

I wonder if when he sees what Pac and Mike are building he always keeps an eye on his surroundings, expecting to see a white figure with a gun in hand, if he bites his tongue and only lets the praises out because what right does he have to tell them what to do? How do you explain to them how terrified it makes him when they push the rules? How does he convey his worries when maybe all they will hear are the echoes of a man with a bloodied knife who tried to control them?

I wonder if Cellbit makes an effort to speak lower when Pac is around, if he grips his emotions and pushes them down, down, down, if he screams so loudly inside his own head that the voices are forced to silence themselves. I wonder how he feels when Pac flinches away from his anger even when said anger is on his behalf.

Does Cellbit see too much of himself in Tubbo?

Does he look at this scrappy looking kid, (is he a kid? Cellbit wasn't one, he doesn't know, but Tubbo does not have the soulless eyes he is so familiar with), and is haunted by how familiar it all is? His brashness, his unwillingness to accept things as they are, his determination to mess with the Federation, his bravado when Cucurucho comes to insure a warning, his plans to obtain answers, his curiosity.

Cellbit was like that once.

Before a chainsaw, before a betrayal, before missing days, before he started to fear.

I wonder if Cellbit looks at Tubbo and asks himself how long until he breaks.

Because he will break.

Because that is what the Island does to people- It breaks them, it twists their emotions and their bodies and their minds until they don't know what is right, what is and what isn't.

And this is why Cellbit need to find a way for them to leave this cursed land.

The Island has given him everything he has, Cellbit is nothing without his son, without his husband, without his found family, without his friends.

But he would rather be nothing, than to watch as they get hurt over and over again.

#qsmp #also knows as emotional torture #im in a suffering mood so i though i should share this with the internet void #qsmp analysis #sort of i guess #qsmp cellbit #i started writing this literally the day the eggs went missing but just couldn't find a way to end it #still not happy but eh #it is what is #holy shit did it get longer than i expected

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storfulsten · 2 years

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well.?

(based on this post bc lol)

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suitetarts · 5 months

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wow classic season of discovery started today? on the day of our lord bg3 patch 5? homophobic asf

#bg3 isnt going anywhere i guess but JESUS i want to see spawn astarion be happy and i have so much more to do before i get there #but i also want to play an undead mage healer ehe #FUCK. unfair #bg3 #wow #personal #i'm in queue and i checked. no epilogue for evil bhaal durge ending (no surprise there)

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dapperrokyuu · 6 months

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Read ~60 chapters of Chainsaw Man today, WHEWWWWW-

#dee p thoughts #overall review so far: pretty good. author's style is very distinct and potentially offputting/unhinged so I 1000% get someone not liking #this for that reason. theres a lot of food for thought to chew on among it so I enjoy it tho. but I do think the plot in terms of arcs and #how they tie into character development/progression can be very...fast and sudden? couldve used more time to make the progressions more #gradual and natural feeling imo which is where I think the anime expanding on scenes enhances this. ex: aki's care for power and denji is #very sweet but it also feels a bit sudden in terms of...well how to word this? like it ultimately MAKES SENSE but the turning point makes i #feel like his care stems from them almost dying reminding him of himeno as opposed to. caring about them afdadljbkndlkj- yes its establishe #that aki views denji kind of as a little brother but they couldve had the trio cook a little longer imo like at that point I dont really #feel aki has had much connection to power either tbh but...I get it I get why lol-#THO I WILL GIVE THAT THE SUDDENNESS FEELING MAY STEM FROM ME READING ~60 CHAPTERS YEAH. just like? denji's relationship with makima has mor #gradual progression than the trio's imo which makes sense but we should strengthen the trio bond for extra impacttt-#thinking deeper I do think aki has individual moments with denji and power has individual moments with denji so its probably the lack of ak #interacting with power that makes me feel the trio isnt fully baked lol. kind of just shown annoyance and then happiness at her not throwin #vegetables and now you dont want her to die I guess thats what makes me feel something is missinggg #which makes sense at the end of the day I guess? whats important is their relationship with denji not each other? but eh still I guess we'l #jot this down as a personal preference of mine

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everysongineverykey · 1 year

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well, i managed to catch watching and dreaming live!

#toh spoilers #...i guess #it was. welp! that sure was an episode! yup!#can say for certain that was in fact the final episode of the owl house!#eh. i'm happy they got their happy ending!

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tweetsongs · 1 year

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Transmigrating into the Reborn Male Lead’s Ex-Boyfriend Chapter 155 (End)

prev chapters

last chapter! i hope this helped someone out there get closure for this book. it's a silly little thing, but i'm glad i got to know how these two turned out.

In the end, the doctor’s assessments were around an hour slower than the system’s. But their assessments held a similar pessimism regarding the viability of Xiao Yuanmu’s treatment when they spoke to Song Xuanhe.

As the head of the clinic, Xiao Yuanmu wasn’t wasn’t allowed to hear his own prognosis. It didn’t actually matter, as even without hearing it, he knew very well what the state of his body was.

He swept his eyes past the downcast expressions on his doctors’ faces, eyes only wavering when they fell on Song Xuanhe. He waved a hand to have the doctors leave the room, and broke the heavy air that had surrounded them when he had told Song Xuanhe to return to his world.

He said: “I want to go back to China.”

Song Xuanhe’s focus had always been on Xiao Yuanmu. When he spoke, he thought about it and then said: “Okay.”

He knew Xiao Yuanmu, knew that he wasn’t the kind of person who sat around waiting for death. Whatever this person did, he was the kind of person to do it without flaw. From the time that he went back to China for his assessment, to bringing everyone he trusted to his side without stirring up suspicions, to even now, he kept the fact of his condition so tightly wrapped that it was impossible to leak.

If Xiao Yuanmu was giving up on treatment, it could only be said that he knew the limits of his own body. The treatments available with modern medicine couldn’t give him a cure, at most, it could only bring him some relief, nothing more.

Even that relief was barely possible now.

Song Xuanhe felt like his heart was being crushed, heavy and painful. It was hard to even breathe, but he was somehow able to keep his cool.

Maybe it was because Xiao Yuanmu was the protagonist of this world, or because the system was so advanced in technology. But even now, with overwhelming worry surrounding him, he still didn’t feel scared.

More than that, he even felt some strange sort of confidence. He thought that Xiao Yuanmu would definitely not die.

If the system knew what his thoughts were, it might mock him for his superstitious ideas. But right now the system was busy searching for the reason that Xiao Yuanmu was breaking down, it had no time to look through Song Xuanhe’s thoughts.

Seeing how quickly Song Xuanhe agreed, Xiao Yuanmu looked slightly surprised. He thought that Song Xuanhe would try to stop him.

“Once you’ve rested properly, we’ll leave,” Song Xuanhe said.

“I’ve already gotten Yang Jie to book us a flight, I can rest on the flight.” Xiao Yuanmu said.

Until the flight, the two had a tacit understanding not to bring up whether or not Song Xuanhe would return to his original world after three days.

The flight would take around eleven hours. The moment they boarded the flight, Song Xuanhe pulled Xiao Yuanmu into the bedroom. The two of them laid side by side in a cot, listening to the sound of the plane taking off, neither speaking a word.

Time passed like this, seconds into minutes. Xiao Yuanmu finally couldn’t resist the exhaustion in his body and closed his eyes.

Hearing the soft breathing by his side, Song Xuanhe slowly moved his hand, gently taking Xiao Yuanmu’s cool hand into his.

In his memories, Xiao Yuanmu’s hand and his icy personality were always different, his hand was always warm and dry. Now, though, his hand carried a faint chill, and was slightly damp. It made Song Xuanhe’s heart clench.

He couldn’t resist asking the system: [Have you found a way to treat Xiao Yuanmu yet?]

The system took a moment to reply: [No, his organ failure isn’t normal. It’s not because of any disease, and it’s impossible to find the source of the failure. Also, I can’t figure it out- Xiao Yuanmu is the protagonist of this world, his body shouldn’t be failing like this. If I had to guess, I would wonder if this is perhaps the result of some previous plotline.]

Song Xuanhe’s brows furrowed. [Xiao Baicong’s kidnapping?]

[Yes,] the system replied. [This world was made from an author’s time online, and revolves around the plot and circumstances they created. Because the author never finished the book, the plot that the world is controlled by can only go up to that point. If there aren’t any mishaps, the plot of the book should only finish after two years. Xiao Yuanmu should still be the protagonist in that time, so nothing should be able to happen to his body in the meantime.]

[But the plot of the book has ended now,] Song Xuanhe’s expression suddenly changed as he continued to speak to the system. [Xiao Yuanmu is no longer the protagonist of this world.]

[...Yes.]

Seeing Song Xuanhe’s face, the system didn’t continue, letting him have some time to digest this.

It didn’t take him long to speak again: [If Xiao Yuanmu isn’t the protagonist of this world, what will happen to him?]

The system said: [You already know.]

Song Xuanhe did already know, but he couldn’t help but act like a spoilt young master again, hoping that the system would give him an answer that still carried some hope.

[Will he really die?] Song Xuanhe found it difficult to speak.

The system fell silent, then avoided his question: [You still have sixty-nine hours to think about it. You said before that you had a reason you had to go back. Since it’s a necessary reason, I hope that you think about it properly.]

[Is that your answer for me, then?]

The system didn’t answer, and Song Xuanhe fell silent as well.

In this silence, he felt in the bottom of his heart a drop of despair begin to spread.

Before this, he had always thought that Xiao Yuanmu’s protagonist halo would help protect him. No matter how difficult the situation was, he never thought that it would turn that severe, since the world would always force things back on track. This time, since the world’s protagonist had an issue, the world would of course step in to save him.

But the system told him that Xiao Yuanmu was not the protagonist of this world anymore.

Now he was just like any other of the infinite beings on this planet, the world no longer cares whether he lives or dies. The world will treat him like any other being, allowing him to pass through the cycle youth, old age, illness, and death without care as if he were a being no more remarkable than dust, no more individual than an ant.

[Xiao Yuanmu is awake.]

The system’s voice pulled Song Xuanhe out of his own mind. His eyelashes shook for a moment as he pulled out his cell phone. The plane had entered the Chinese border, and the time zone had switched to this timezone as well. It was 10:50PM, and after half an hour they would be landing.

Song Xuanhe’s eyes were on his phone, his mind unable to untangle the mess of thoughts within. He hadn’t decided what to do yet.

Xiao Yuanmu grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him downwards, his lips turning upwards to fill them. He easily opened Song Xuanhe’s jaw, pressing into his mouth to make his claim. He alternated between passion and sweetness, leaving no corner of his mouth unexplored.

“Good morning.” Xiao Yuanmu let go of him, the corner of his lip turning upwards, a soft smile on his face.

Song Xuanhe looked at him dazedly, expression open as if everything were normal. After a pause, he replied: “It’s not morning right now, but. Good morning.”

He bit at Xiao Yuanmu’s lips again before speaking: “We’ll be landing soon. Put on your seatbelt.”

Xiao Yuanmu thought about how meticulous Song Xuanhe was about checking their seatbelts every time they drove and laughed a little, fastening his own seatbelt.

The plane landed steadily. Because it was already late, they didn’t contact anyone else, and directly went back to their previous residence.

Even though nobody had lived there in some time, there were still people who came over every few days to clean and lock up. When they returned, all they needed to do was change the sheets and they could go to sleep.

It was Song Xuanhe’s first time changing a duvet, and he stared at the zipper of the duvet cover for a long time before finally carefully replacing it, focusing with single-minded intent on the task.

Xiao Yuanmu watched him from the door, lips curling unconsciously into a smile.

“Let me.”

Xiao Yuanmu walked up to Song Xuanhe’s side and took the duvet from his hand. While tidying out the duvet that was being messily stuffed into the cover, he also taught Song Xuanhe: “You have to air out the duvet first, and then make sure that the four corners-”

Song Xuanhe listened to him intently, seeing how Xiao Yuanmu managed to neatly make the duvet in under half a minute.

Comparing the two of them felt embarrassing.

“This was my first try, wait ‘till I’ve practiced a bit more.” He said stubbornly. “Then we can have a duvet-stuffing contest, and whoever loses will have to listen to whatever the winner says.”

Xiao Yuanmu laughed and asked: “How much time do you need to practice before this contest?”

“At least three to five years, otherwise it’s unfair...” After he spoke, Song Xuanhe fell silent. Xiao Yuanmu’s smile dimmed a bit.

Looking at Xiao Yuanmu’s darkening eyes, he said: “Xiao Yuanmu, you will definitely be okay. Believe in me.”

Xiao Yuanmu lifted his eyes to meet his, curling his shaking hand into a fist. He made a soft sound of agreement.

“Well, now that the sheets are done being changed, we can go to bed,” Song Xuanhe said. “Or are you not tired anymore after sleeping for too long on our flight?”

“Let’s go to sleep,” Xiao Yuanmu changed into his pajamas and said. “I want to watch you sleep.”

Song Xuanhe suddenly walked forwards until he hit Xiao Yuanmu, beginning to peel open his pajamas. “Since you’re not tired, why don’t we do something else instead?”

For the next two days, Xiao Yuanmu and Song Xuanhe had congee together and went to visit the orphanage, went to visit the Song household to visit Li Nianan, visited Song Xuanlin, called up Xiao Shenglin and the others for a gathering, took the orphanage children to the playground together...

Time passed quickly, until it was down to the final three hours before Song Xuanhe had to make his decision about whether or not to return to his world. Up until then, the system still hadn’t given him any information on how to treat Xiao Yuanmu.

Xiao Yuanmu had long since given up, but Song Xuanhe refused to.

Until the system said to him: [I know why Xiao Yuanmu’s body is breaking down.]

[Xiao Yuanmu’s physical breakdown is not because of something happening to his body, it’s an issue with his soul...] the system said. [He said before that he had already been reborn twice. Maybe it’s this that wore down his soul, making it begin to break down. As his soul breaks down, so will his body. There’s virtually no way of stopping it.]

Song Xuanhe lifted his head to look outside at the night sky, bright with stars. With no change in expression, he asked: [You said ‘virtually’. That means that there’s still hope, right?]

[Yes, the soul-replenishment elixir,] the system said. [From the System Miracle Store. If you choose to stay here, you can get it in exchange.]

Song Xuanhe’s eyes lit up, and he began to speak when the system cut him off. [However, the things from the System Miracle Store only work for you.]

[What do you mean?]

[The soul-replenishment elixir can only be given to you.]

Song Xuanhe’s eyes dimmed a little. The hope that he had been using all his might to hold onto these past few days began to break down, and he felt frustration and exhaustion well up in his heart. [Then what use is it?]

[You’re the system, it’s your store, isn’t there a way to bring the elixir out?] Song Xuanhe asked. [I still have two opportunities to ask for help, and a rebirth pass. If I give them all to you, can you give the soul-replenishment elixir to Xiao Yuanmu?]

[I can’t...] the system said. [I exist in your mind, I can only make exchanges with you. Those are the rules.]

Song Xuanhe fell silent for a few seconds, then his eyes lit up again. [You said before that you’ve crossed hosts before, right? That means you can enter someone else’s body. You can enter Xiao Yuanmu’s body and give him the elixir, right?]

[In theory, that’s right.] the system said. [But I can only enter someone’s body when I have a mission order. That would be against system regulations. Also, while I’m still bound to you, I can’t leave your body for someone else.]

[But after you and I unbind...]

After beginning to speak, Song Xuanhe stopped himself. The system had told him before what the consequences of breaking system regulations were. All beings had a fear of being annihilated. Just because it was a system, it wasn’t as if he could tell it to sacrifice itself to save Xiao Yuanmu.

[I saw a life conversion device in the System Miracle Store, what is that?]

The system didn’t want to answer, but felt compelled to. [It allows one person to extract their life force and give it to another person. But there are serious side effects. The person extracting their life force will feel extreme pain from the exchange process’ effects on their soul, and afterwards their body will also be much weaker.]

[If I gave my life force to Xiao Yuanmu, will he be able to live?]

The system was silent for a long moment. [Yes.]

[I will exchange for the life conversion device.] A smile floated onto Song Xuanhe’s face, and he said confidently: [Once my time in this world is over, let me exchange for it.]

The system didn’t answer, but Song Xuanhe took his silence as a tacit agreement.

He turned his smiling face to look at Xiao Yuanhe. When he saw the other’s sleeping face, his smile dimmed for a moment. He reached out and cupped his forehead gently, smile growing deeper.

He knew that there would be a way to save Xiao Yuanmu.

Xiao Yuanmu’s sleep was very light. When Song Xuanhe’s hand touched him, he woke up.

He was lying on Song Xuanhe’s leg, and his eyes met a smiling expression that seemed to suddenly be relieved of a heavy burden. An idea began to rise from the bottom of his heart against better reason, though he found it hard to believe.

“You’re awake?” Song Xuanhe quickly noticed Xiao Yuanmu waking up. He lowered his head and said: “Do you want to sleep a little more?”

“It’s fine,” Xiao Yuanmu sat up, looking at his watch. “I’ll sleep after you leave.”

Song Xuanhe raised an eyebrow. “Then I’m afraid you’ll be waiting a long time before you sleep again.”

Xiao Yuanmu’s face was calm as he spoke: “You promised me before that you’d return to your own world.”

Song Xuanhe blinked, lips tugging upwards. “But that was on the premise that there was no saving you.”

Xiao Yuanmu paused, unable to hide the astonishment on his face. Looking at Song Xuanhe, he couldn’t bring himself to ask the question.

“You can be saved,” Song Xuanhe had never seen such clear astonishment on Xiao Yuanmu’s face before, and he couldn’t help laughing out loud at the sight. He reached a hand out to his shoulder, pulling him in by the back of his neck into an embrace as he said: “I told you there was a way to save you, so I will save you.”

“How?” Xiao Yuanmu lowered his hand, pushed down his astonishment until his face was calm again.

“My system found a way,” Song Xuanhe said. “If I stay in this world, I can make a trade for an item in the system store. Before, I couldn’t see what was in the store, but this morning I saw something-”

Song Xuanhe tried to dramatize the climax of his story, but Xiao Yuanmu’s face wasn’t impressed at all, only grew colder.

“The soul-replenishment elixir,” Song Xuanhe said, clicking his tongue. “Your organ failure was because of damage to your soul, and the damage to your soul was because of your rebirths. That’s why the doctors in this world weren’t able to cure it. But with the soul-replenishment elixir, we can fix the damage that your rebirths did to your soul.”

Xiao Yuanmu’s pupils shook. He was usually quick to react, but this time he couldn’t get his mind around what was being said. Song Xuanhe’s words were simple and easy to understand, but he found it difficult to believe him. He had already convinced himself so thoroughly of his inevitable future, and yet that inevitability was being shattered so easily.

“What’s the price you need to pay?”

Song Xuanhe pursed his lips, seeing the way that Xiao Yuanmu tensed nervously on top of him, and couldn’t help but let out a giggle. He said: “Before, I haggled three opportunities to ask for help out of the system, but I only used one. The soul-replenishment elixir is in exchange for me not returning to my world, and the other two opportunities for help. If we don’t count me not returning to my world, it barely costs anything.”

Song Xuanhe had always been good at scamming people. Xiao Yuanmu knew this, but he still was never able to find his true intentions from his eyes. It was the same this time, he couldn’t tell if Song Xuanhe was lying or not.

He wanted to believe it was true, he wanted so badly to selfishly be with Song Xuanhe for more days, more weeks. Even a few more hours would be enough.

But if it wasn’t true, then the consequences would be that Song Xuanhe would be trapped forever in a world that he had said he didn’t feel like he belonged in.

He couldn’t do that to him.

“You don’t believe me?” Song Xuanhe’s brows knitted together.

Xiao Yuanmu’s lips shook, then he said: “I’m just scared.”

“I’m afraid of you loving me more,” he pulled him into an embrace. “Afraid that you’ll be alone afterwards.”

Song Xuanhe’s eyes looked blank for a moment, then turned red. His throat moved, then he pushed Xiao Yuanmu away to say: “It’s going to be time soon. You’ll be able to know soon. We don’t just have these few moments. We still have days, months, years.”

“Z48,” Song Xuanhe laughed, and then spoke: “I have to thank you for taking care of me for all this time. I haven’t said it before, but I’m glad I met you. I’m also glad that you took me to this world. Even though we’ll be saying goodbye now, I’ll definitely remember you. Let’s do this.”

Xiao Yuanmu’s body was one long line of tension, staring at Song Xuanhe. It didn’t seem like anything was happening to Song Xuanhe, but he could feel his weak body beginning to feel a little stronger, his shaking limbs becoming steady again, his fuzzy mind clearing slightly, the pain in his body beginning to lift...

Not three minutes later, he could feel that his body was healthy again. And Song Xuanhe was still beside him.

He couldn’t believe it, it was actually true.

He grabbed Song Xuanhe’s hand, his clear voice becoming hoarse as an uncharacteristic quiver entered his voice: “You’re still here.”

Song Xuanhe’s eyes turned up. “Of course I’m still here.”

As he spoke, his face stilled as he felt something move in his mind, he immediately recognized that it was something moving out of his consciousness at last. He quickly said in his mind: [Thank you, Z48.]

[No thanks necessary,] the system’s voice had a smile in it. Its presence being removed from his mind felt weaker. [Goodbye.]

Song Xuanhe paused, said: [Don’t you need to extract my life force?]

He hadn’t felt any sort of pain up until now, and couldn’t feel his body becoming weaker. Actually, apart from the feeling of the system leaving his mind, he couldn’t feel much of anything at all.

[It’s already been extracted,] Maybe it was because of the extraction process, but the system’s voice became weaker and weaker. [I haven’t said it yet, but meeting you was the happiest thing to happen to me. My greatest wish is for you to be happy. In the future, you have to be happy, and brave...]

The system didn’t finish its words before dissipating. Song Xuanhe blinked and lifted his gaze to the stars outside. A gap he had always felt in his heart was gently being filled.

“I love you.”

Xiao Yuanmu pulled him closer, covering his lips. His eyes were full of love, and a happiness that he would never get sick of.

Song Xuanhe pulled himself back, heart full of relief and joy. He tilted Xiao Yuanmu’s jaw up, bringing himself into the moment. “I love you too.”

In the sky, a softly shining star lit up for a moment, then gently became lost in a sea of constellations.

#Transmigrating into the Reborn Male Lead’s Ex-Boyfriend #RMLE #RMLE chapter 155 #TN:#ngl this ending felt...a bit rushed #there were a ton of bits i really liked and a lot of phrases that made me இ௰இ #but lowkey i wish sxh had been forced to give up some of his life...the DRAMA. the TRAGEDY #i am happy abt the deus ex machina tho #i did NOT start a fun transmigration romp to get hit w MCD in the last chapter #DID the system die tho...system for mvp. absolute king #anyways hope everyone enjoyed baby's first translation project!#i'm glad i picked smth...not xianxia lol #will i do more? eh. if smth catches my interest #i have too many jjwxc points now so #fyi im not rly planning on translating the extras #unless they're abt xym and sxh #simply bc im the kind that gets attached to the main couple #so if they're abt other characters ill prolly just be like #congrats or sorry i guess #anyways hope everyone enjoyed these boys and their drama!!

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braintapes · 6 months

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Hm. Well that was kinda lukewarm.

#watched the doom patrol finale #i...understand Why they wrote it that way #it very VERY heavily pulled on plot threads from s1 #i get it but i'm not really that happy about it. i don't hate it but. i don't know #i gotta sit and think abt this i think. im just sitting here shrugging like. Eh. I Guess This Was How They Could End It

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gatheryepens · 11 months

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Godzilla-read's Easy & Simple 2023 Reading Challenge

💐 March- A book a parental figure enjoys. If you don't have a parental figure, choose a friend.

3.5 ⭐️ - A Court of Thorns and Roses

Okay so I know this is two months later but I was in big book slump, so I’m slowly but surely catching up on the reading prompts 😭. None of my parents are big readers so I read a book that two of my friends really enjoy. I was really surprised that I actually enjoyed this book I don’t read fantasy often but I would say this book had a good magical element (I’m still waiting to read a fantasy book that blows me away and makes me adore the genre). I kept going back and forth on a rating for the book because there were some really good elements and some elements I didn’t enjoy as much. I think what bumped it to a 3 star book for me was the plot it was very good and kept me interested, what kept it from not being 4 stars were the characters. Don’t get me wrong not all of them were bad but the main character Feyre irked and frustrated me a lot and the two love interests did some questionable stuff that made me so angry. Will I continue the series? Probably not, for two reasons:

1. I’m fine with the ending thus far. After reading the book, I didn’t automatically think oh I need to read the next book and I don’t think that is a bad thing I just didn’t feel that connected.

2. I’m inherently lazy and committing to four more books is something I couldn’t do.

If anyone has any good fantasy recommendations I would love to hear them :)

#2023 reading challenge #Godzilla’s reading challenge #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #bookblr #booklr #bookish #book reviews #gatherreviews #<- eh I guess #gatherbeingbookish #gathertalksaboutbooks #a similar thing happened with thg #I read the first book but I didn’t rush to read the second one #since I was fine with how things were left off #albeit the ending wasn’t concluded #had I not watched cf I probably wouldn’t have continued with the series #which I’m happy I kept on reading since it’s one of my favourite series #because it’s probably the only series I’ve finished 😭#I’m just more of a stand-alone girl tbf #if it’s concluded like 80% I’m fine with just reading the first one and not continuing with the series #<- even 70-60% is fine #however if there are still gaps left from the ending #I would most likely keep on reading in the series :)#gatherrambles #queue ‘tis exam season

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mishkakagehishka · 1 year

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..forgot to have dinner again...

#feeling a bit peckish but i had a singular fritula and that should be enough #i'll not be able to eat anything in the morning either so🫡 keep me in your thoughts that i don't faint #in the end i had a singular meal today oops #(and just as my mother was happy with my weight... eh i guess HDBDBDBBD)

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rooster-teeth · 2 months

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🫡 it has been a pleasure.

#as someone who rooster teeth has entertained since middle school... man.#i know this blog went inactive... but i still kept watching them. they still made me smile.#although i guess ah closing was the beginning of the end eh.#i'll never forget the whole decade of happiness they gave me.

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hail-strom · 3 months

Note

tell us more about your FP x GW PLEASE !!!/nf

Ah yes, FP's desire to reunite with his rotten labs in Garbage Waste. The true ship that cannot be denied.

Joking aside, this concept started from the thought of "What if Pebbles had a healthy friendship in his life?" I find his mentor/mentee relationship with Suns incredibly toxic and Pebble's relationship with Moon is complicated.

So, what if he had a friendship with someone who respected his autonomy and didn't automatically think of him as Moon's little brother? I'm kicking out some of DP's lore regarding their relationship for the sake of this actually working (I pick and choose with DP when writing anyways lol).

There's not really a timeline of how they met or interacted. Just that Wind was curious and persistent with this new surly iterator that dropped the mood in the local chat just by logging on. Granted it doesn't help NSH and Innocence enjoyed egging Pebbles on.

To understand this better, you need to have an idea of who Wind is in this. Generally speaking, she's defined by her rational mindset. She's a practical, blunt person that doesn't hold back her thoughts when asked. She also watches just about every corner of the iterator populace too. It's fun to stick iterators under a microscope even if it's just in anon chats. She likes to sit, wait, and watch what happens with events and people. Wind is a people-watcher essentially and it's the entire reason she finds FP so interesting. Don't mistake her nature as passive though. Wind can have a very fierce bite when it comes to the logistics of things. Whether it's her pulling someone out of their head or refusing to bow in the face of horrible events.

Forming a friendship with FP takes a bit since he's naturally closed off, but he eventually does warm up to her. Wind takes the time to listen to his opinions, ideas, and ramblings on artistic literature. She's not a creative person by any meanings so listening to him is fascinating. See, originally Wind was named Chasing Wind after an old parable about the futility of life. This parable reflects her colony's mindset and ultimately her tasking. Solving the great problem is simply trying to chase after the wind.

I don't think Wind ever finds true interest in solving the Great Problem, but FP's critical view of it inspires her to change her name to Grey Wind. It's not that creative lol, but it fits her just fine (FP is stuck between teasing her about it and grouching because she could have picked a cooler name).

I think most of all, Wind just finds Pebbles inspiring. He's a fighter and doesn't take things lying down. His emotions radiate throughout his structure and during Calls she can hear the rattling of his chambers and pops of his halo when he's worked up. Be it in a passionate rant or because he's about to throw down.

As for Pebbles? He appreciates Wind's calm, down-to-earth demeanor and her straightforward logic. She has a way of poking holes in his garbage and helping him screw his head on straight. She real with him and doesn't downplay things either. He appreciates her honesty with his own flaws too. Which you usually wouldn't expect from his character, but it helps Wind is very real about herself. Humbleness goes a long way in offsetting people's egos. He still gets prickly when she calls him out from time-to-time though. It just comes with who Pebbles is.

I think the biggest thing is Wind respects his thoughts and wants to hear them.

Now, that I got the nature of their relationship out of the way, I should probably talk about the Incident. Pebbles getting rot wasn't surprising to Wind.

When Erratic Pulse first started showing up in Sliverist conversations, she was suspicious. Then, the ideas and ideology regarding ascension started to line up a little too well with some of Pebbles venting. Except she doesn't confront him. Not head on anyways. She's concerned as his friend because he's been spiraling for a bit. Suns isn't the only one he talked to about escaping the horrid situation that is the iterator existence.

So, she drops her suspicions in the local group chat and Pebbles confirms it in a roundabout manner. A lot of emotions and sentiments with these two goes unsaid despite both of them being rather forward people. When it comes to their own vulnerability though, often it's left implied. Wind waits for him to talk to her though because Pebbles *knows* he can and when he doesn't, she lets it go.

Wind trusts him to make his own decisions. Pebbles is smart enough to not dive headfirst into decisions or go through with such a high-risk project without preparation.

She underestimates his desperation.

She tried to be a good friend and let him approach her on his terms. She tried to respect his autonomy and step back so he could make his own choices. Wind wouldn't have tried to stop him from ascension either. Ascension may be physical, permanent death, but it's a choice a person is allowed to make. Pebbles wasn't trying to off himself because of depression (even if he was mentally unstable). He was fighting to escape. He refused to be shackled to an unsolvable problem whose benefactors are gone. He refuses to rot in the name of his creators.

Wind wasn't going to stand in the way of that even if it killed her to lose him. She cared enough to let him go and find a way out of their prison.

After everything is said and done though, FP's radio silence, lockdown, and sickness bears down on her. Moon's death just as much. She could have stopped this; she could have said *something*.

Not long after, Wind becomes unresponsive as well.

#I don't see a happy ending for these two #Not because they wouldn't have a good relationship later down the line once FP finally swallowed his hubris #Which he was on his way to doing but then Mass Ascension came and left them all staggering #While the death of their creators opened up opportunities for romance #It shut the door for Pebbles emotionally #So much went unsaid for them and even if Wind said somethingT #Trying to change Pebbles mind is like trying to wrestle an ox #Still they had good moments and that's enough for Wind #It has to be #rw shipping #rw meta #rainworld #rw erosion #Eh good enough ship name I guess #Hopefully putting this in the main tag doesn't attract the hoard #I am not a big shipper in this fandom

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sturncrazy · 4 months

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CABINFEVER:

Matt Sturniolo x y/n (fem)

(anyone else green)

warnings: SMUT!! nsfw 18+ (loss of virginity, unprotected + no pull out…assume ur on birth control)

authors note: love a little sweet smut matt moment 🫶 also imagine the world wasn’t falling apart and there was still snow 🤪 HOPE U GUYS LIKE THIS ONE!!

summary: you and a group of your friends rent an airbnb cabin up in the mountains for a winter get away, but it’s short on beds. You settle for a bench and Matt takes the couch next to you, but things heat up when you get cold…

word count: 2,915 W

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“HOLY FUCK! it’s FREEZING out” yelled Nick slamming the door behind him. He was the last one inside the cabin and join the rest of you in stomping the snow off your shoes and hanging up various layers of winter-wear. You and a group of 7 of your friends decided to rent an airbnb up in the mountains in New Hampshire for a week to have a cozy vacation. You planned to sled, go on winter walks, make cookies and cozy drinks, play games, and just enjoy being together away from the rest of the world. The only problem was not all of you going had a budget like the triplets, Larray, and Madi. even though they offered to cover for the rest of you, it didn’t seem fair. so you settled on a slightly more quaint cabin instead of a big mansion. the catch was that there were only three bedrooms. You were always easy going and determined that everyone else be happy, so you had made peace with the fact that you’d probably end up on a couch long ago.

“so who’s gonna be living room buddies with me, huh?” you questioned.

“guess that would be me” said Matt, with a sheepish smile.

No surprise, really. Matt was an angel to everyone, so of course he’d be the first to say he’d take the undesirable sleeping spot. you grinned back at him, maybe a little too much. You’d been close to the triplets since you were kids, but Matt had always been your favorite. You related to his quieter side and always had a soft spot for him. A soft spot that went deeper than you wanted to admit in the last few years. Matt was always good looking, but lately something felt different…even though you’d never tell him that.

“i can live with that” you attempted to joke. The living room was beautiful, but large and drafty. there were a few armchairs, but only one oversized couch. next to it was a big window that had a little nook fitted with pillows.

“you take the couch, yn” Matt said, gesturing with his head.

“wha—no way. then where will you sleep?”

“I dunno i’ll figure it out don’t worry bout it. I’ll grab a beanbag or make a pile on the floor” he said blowing you off

“Nuh-uh. no way. you take the couch, i’ll sleep on that window thing”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah a hundred percent”

“Mmmm okay, but if you wanna switch at any point just tell me okay seriously” the genuine concern in his wide blue eyes made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. truth be told, you really didn’t mind this set up because you’d be sleeping just a few feet away from him.

“Deal” you smiled back at him.

The group of you had a perfect evening. it was like something out of a hallmark movie, but by 2am everyone was going to sleep. Matt showered upstairs, which gave you time to get ready for bed and throw on your lame excuse for sleepwear—an oversized tshirt that hung to just above your knees. you’d never wished you’d overpacked and brought shorts more. you tried to cover up your exposed skin with blankets as you heard creaking from the steps. Matt trotted down in flannel pants and a black tank, hair still damp and clinging to his face from the shower. seeing him like that made your throat grow dry.

“Y’tired?” Matt asked, arranging his pillows on the couch so that his head would be by yours, your bodies creating a right angle on their separate resting spots.

“eh, not really. you?”

“nah, not so much. bit of a night owl lately, i guess.” he said, sitting down and beginning to rummage through his bag. you laughed.

“name a time in your life you’ve ever been a morning person?” you teased

“hey shhh i could be if i tried.” he shook his bag vigorously

“shit. think i forgot my phone charger”

“oh i have one, you can use it” you said hopping up to grab your stuff. you strode across the room towards your suitcase without thinking, but suddenly felt heat on the back of your neck like you were being watched. you glanced back at Matt and just barely caught him staring at your bare legs before he quickly looked away. you’d completely forgotten about your choice of outfit and felt embarrassment flush your cheeks.

“here y’go” you said shoving the wires in his direction, avoiding his eyes.

“uh thanks” he said, with equal avoidance. you reached to turn off the last light in the room in hopes that would drown out the awkwardness. Before you knew it the two of you were laughing and chatting away in the strained moonlight leaking in from the window. This went on for about 20 minutes before the chill coming from outside started to get to you. your teeth chattered slightly. mid sentence, Matt halted.

“what’s wrong?”

“oh nothing, just a little breezy here, it’s fine”

“what? you can’t sleep there then! you’ll get sick!” his protective nature was borderline heart melting.

“Matt c’mon. I’m not that weak, i’ll be fine. I’m not making you sleep here”

“Then share the couch with me at least”

his offer caught you off guard and you paused for a second, processing before answering.

“you sure?” you asked, unsteadily. another small moment of silence. was he regretting what he’d offered?

“yeah, of course” You detected a small crack in his voice.

“I don’t wanna crowd you—“ he cut you off

“y/n it’s fine seriously, just c’mhere. it’s just me, don’t be weird.” he answered, sounding almost more like he was trying to convince himself than you. you crept over to the couch. Matt was on his side, already holding his blanket up with his arm to give you a spot to slide into. at first you laid down face to face with him.

“hey” he said quietly, inches from you. you smiled up at him. it made your heart race to see him from this angle, this close. you were sure he could hear your heartbeat if you stayed like this a second longer, so you rolled over so your back was to him. matt made a funny noise, almost like he was clearing his throat. your knees hung off the couch slightly, so you backed up to not fall off. Matt let out a strained cough.

“Matt are you okay? you sound like—“ you started to turn your head to face him, and inadvertently twisted your hips against his body. you felt his hand latch onto your waist, halting it. he winced and let out a small hiss

“y/n please” tumbled out of his lips, his whole body going stiff.

“Matt what’s wrong? I—“ suddenly you became away of a hardness pressing against your lower back and ass. your breathing hitched. Matt was hard. and you could feel it. Matt was hard and was pressing against you, hell it had been caused by you.

“oh my god” you whispered.

“fuck y/n i’m so sorry—holy shit. this is awful. i feel disgusting. i never wanna make you uncomfortable i—“ he began to babble sounding on the verge of tears

“Matt no—“ he rolled onto his back looking up at the ceiling. you turned onto your side to face him.

“No, y/n. this is so bad-oh god. i was worried this would happen, i mean being anywhere near you i’d worry about that, but i thought i could control myself and fuck i’m so sorry“

“wait what do you mean you worried?”

“come on, y/n. you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. of course i’d worry, but you’re also one of my best friends so—“

“you think i’m beautiful?” matt paused and looked at you in the eye.

“are you joking, y/n?” you shook your head.

he took a deep breath before continuing.

“I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world” you exhaled rockily, scanning his eyes.

“and i can’t believe this is how i’m telling you that or i did anything to make you feel—“

“Matty, stop” you said, putting a hand lightly to his chest. it heaved at your touch.

“you didn’t do anything wrong, at all. i just never knew you saw me the way the way i see you”

“y’mean you—?” you bit your lip and smiled at him, nodding. he let out an exhale of relief and excitement and smiled back at you. he inched closer to your face, hesitantly.

“can i kiss you?” you nuzzled your nose slightly against his.

“yes, Matt” he leaned the rest of the way in and gently pressed his warm pillowy lips against yours. the feeling was better than you could’ve ever imagined. he pulled away, not wanting to seem too eager or pushy, and waited for you. you glanced from his eyes to his mouth before pushing back against him. this kiss was different from the last. there was fire and passion to it. your lips began to meld together, creating a rhythm as his hands reached for your waist. you wrapped an arm around his neck and ran your hand through his hair, which resulted in a huffing of air from his mouth into yours. his tongue slid against your bottom lip, asking for permission, which you immediately granted. you pressed your lower half against his. he grunted and squeezed your hip. smiling against your lips he rasped out

“careful there, problem from earlier is not exactly gone yet” your stomach flipped

“good” you breathed out, pressing your bodies flush again. he looked at you wide eyed, his pupils dilating, before diving in for the heaviest kiss yet. you lifted your leg up slightly, wrapping it around him. the move caused your shirt to slide up to the top of your hip. matt ran his hand up your thigh and gripped your ass causing you to let out a small whine. he bit at your lip slightly and used this new hold on your lower half to move himself between your legs further and on top of you. he pulled away from you to take off his shirt and you felt heat electrify your body at the sight of him uncovered in the weak blueish light. he smiled at you shyly before kissing you again. one strong hand began to trail over the sensitive skin of your stomach, up your shirt, sending ripples of buzzing through your body as the tips of his hand approached your braless chest. Matt ran his fingers delicately over your nipples, hardening at his slightly cold touch. you shuddered.

“can i take this off?” he said, tugging at the hem. you nodded vigorously and helped him pull it over your head, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. you fought the urge to cover yourself as his eyes engulfed the sight of you.

“god you’re so perfect” he almost moaned out. you giggled and tightened your legs around his lower half, encouraging him back down to you gently. the feeling of his warm bare chest against yours made you let out a sigh. he leaned his head into the crook of your neck, breathing hot warm air against your sensitive skin before gently sucking and pulling through his teeth. you whimpered into him, wrapping your hands back into his hair. he retaliated by starting to grind his hips against your heat, the feeling of his hard on painfully present. your two most desperate spots only separated by your underwear and his pj bottoms.

“Matt—“ you moaned out

“hmmmm?” he hummed into your neck. you needed him in ways you couldn’t explain. you squirmed beneath him. he pulled away to look at you and raise an eyebrow.

“what is it, beautiful?” he cooed, making you flustered. you pushed your hips back up at him, unable to come up with words.

“ohh i see” he chuckled out. you felt a flash of embarrassment and tried to cover your hands with your face. he grabbed your wrists lightly and lowered them.

“Want me to make you feel good, ma?” he said softly into your ear as he dragged his hand down your stomach and to the waistband of your underwear. you whimpered, desire crying out for contract between your legs. he lowered his fingers over the thin cloth that covered your pussy and dragged them up and down, giving you a teasing amount of friction.

“more, Matty, please” you cried out. he gingerly pushed the fabric aside and ran his fingers along your dripping folds

“god you’re so wet” he whispered out in awe, looking down at you , hungrily. he seemed almost in a trace, but the torment was too much for you. you grabbed his wrist and guided his hand, positioning his finger tips at your entrance. his breathing shallowed as he looked up at you while inserting his digits deep into your core. you became a mess as Matt continued to pump his fingers in and out of you, curling them upwards expertly.

“fuck i could watch you like this forever” he panted

“mmmm feels—ss—so good, matt”

“god you don’t know what you’re doing to me, ma” your walls clenched at the thought of his hard length. you reached down between your bodies and palmed at his crotch. he let out a groan. his impressively large hard on throbbed under your touch, straining against his pants.

“oh my god, y/n” he mumbled, closing his eyes. you’d never seen anyone look so sexy before.

“Matt, I want you” you gasped, without thought. his eyes flickered open, his pupils were blown.

“Are—are you sure?” he said, struggling to breathe.

“I’m sure” Matt reached to untie his drawstring. you watched him, closely, as he loosed his pants and lowered them. your mouth watered at the sight of his large rock hard dick slapping against his stomach, the tip already dripping precum. he leaned back over you and began to line himself up with your entrance. nerves shot through your body.

“wait matt”

“what? whats wrong? should i stop?” he said, looking up at you with worry

“No, no definitely not, i—i just—i haven’t done this before?”

“Oh” he said smiling with relief

“Are you sure you want to? we can wait i’m fine to wait. i don’t wanna do anything you’re not ready for”

“NO!” you said a little too eagerly “I really want to” you finished shyly

“Okay” he chuckled. He realigned himself and gave you a gentle kiss

“This is probably gonna hurt a bit, okay? we can stop any time you want to” you nodded and he began to push his tip slowly into your entrance. you cried out at the feeling of him stretching your insides so much. he paused for a moment.

“do you want to stop?” he said sweetly

“No. keep going” you said wincing. he pushed himself to the base of his cock and moaned at feeling you completely around him. he slowly began to slide himself in and out of your pussy. the pain started to turn into pleasure.

“go faster, matty, please” he listened and began to pick up his pace, creating a delicious rhythm and hitting your sweet spot deep inside of you with each thrust. you let out a string of curses and cries at the sensation.

“fuck you feel so good around my dick, baby”

“oh god don’t stop”

“you like that, sweet girl”

“yes—fuck yes—i like it so much”

“you’re so fucking perfect, princess. god i love being inside of you”

“Matt—oh my god—fuck—I—“ you felt a tightening in the pit of your stomach as your buildup started to reach its peak.

“you gonna cum, sweetheart?” Matt lowered one of his hands to press on your lower stomach, where he was deep inside of you. your vision began to blur.

“Let go, baby. Cum for for me” your hearing buzzed and you saw flashes of white as you came undone. Your walls clenched around Matt’s cock causing his thrusts to become sloppy.

“fuck, gorgeous i’m close—where do you want me to—“ he panted out

“just keep going, matty” you cooed still coming down from your high

“wh—you-you sure?” he questioned fighting off his release

“yes, don’t stop. keep going for me”

“oh my ffu—god-yes—anything for you” he stuttered

“fuck baby i’m gonna cum”

“yeah? cum inside me, matty, please”

“OH GOD FUCK Y/N”

“i wanna feel you cum”

“OH—IM CUMMING—OH FUCK—“ Matt cried out thrusting into you, wildly. He halted deep inside you as he released hot spurts of his cum into your core. he collapsed, panting heavily. after a moment, he pulled out and quickly leaned back down to give you a kiss before reaching to grab you your shirt. you smiled at each other, sheepishly, as you got redressed. he pulled you tightly against him and ran his hand down the back of your head, soothingly.

“How was that?”

“Perfect” you mumbled into his chest, breathing him in.

“Yeah?” he chuckled into your hair. you nodded.

“I’d say so too.” he said.

“I’ve always dreamed of getting to hold you like this” he whispered

“really?”

“mhm”

“me too” he paused for a moment

“what would you think of maybe being something where we could always be like this?”

you pulled away to look at him and he grinned at you. you pulled him in for the biggest kiss you muster.

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why am i gonna cry? WHY CANT THE MEN I MAKE UP IN MY HEAD BE REAL.

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roosterr · 7 months

Text

whatchya got, boy?

note: requested by @wetsocksinbed :D this fic came to me in a prophetic vision as soon as i read that ask, all i have to say is i was cackling maniacally while writing it. bon apetit.

pairing: john 'soap's mactavish x gn!reader

wc: 4.4k

summary: soap is scared of dogs, you're a k9 handler. your dog is good at finding bodies, he doesn't ever want him to have to find yours.

warnings: angst with a happy ending, canon-typical violence

ao3

soap has never liked dogs.

when people ask him why, he tells them that it's just how he is. he wasn't bitten by one, it's not a trauma response, he just doesn't like them, plain and simple. being in the military and having a phobia of dogs is like painting a giant red target on his forehead, so in the interest of not getting relentlessly made fun of, he keeps it to himself.

until recently, it hasn't been a problem.

then you came along, with your quick wit and charming smile, and he was a goner from the moment you first met.

price had given them your files, told them you and your partner are on loan to the one-four-one for the next few months while they track down a particularly slippery target. the term partner had initially disappointed soap, but then you'd both marched into the room with your heads held high, and he realised;

oh. your partner is a dog.

a german shepherd, to be precise. you're a canine handler, like the universe is playing a trick on him – he hasn't been genuinely interested in someone in god knows how long, and when he finally finds somebody, you're accompanied at all hours by one of the few things he fears.

he's about ready to give up on pursuing you before the briefing is even over, but as the others all stand and file out of the meeting room, your partner comes bounding up to him in all his fanged, furry glory and soap almost has a heart attack.

"he doesn't usually trust strangers," you told him as your dog sits at his feet and wags his tail so hard it might be at risk of dislocation. johnny’s moments away from bolting, the fear climbing up his nerves like constricting vines.

"lucky me, eh?" he smiles at you, which was honestly more like a grimace, but somehow you're not offended by his obvious dislike of your partner. you let out a laugh, and the sound is so melodic he almost forgets about the beast waiting at his heel.

"you can pet him," you grin knowingly, and soap gets the sinking feeling you've figured him out already, "he doesn't bite – not unless i tell him to."

"cheers, but i'll pass…" johnny attempts to protest, in the motion of taking a step back, but you grab his hand before he can escape and drag it down to your dog's face with an amused grin.

"his name's rex." he hears you say, but the way your dog is sniffing at his hand has every muscle in his body tensing involuntarily. he's mortified that you're seeing him react like this, he already knows he'll never be able to live this down once the others find out.

when rex chuffs and starts to lick at his hand, johnny feels like his soul might leave his body. the sharp teeth so close to his skin is so unnerving, the only thing stopping him from making a run for it is your soft grip still around his wrist.

he looks to you for help, but you're watching him with a mischievous grin that sends his heart aflutter.

"see? that wasn't so bad." you chuckle, crouching down next to your dog and thankfully taking rex's attention off him. johnny breathes a quiet sigh of relief, wiping his wet hand on his trousers as he watches you fuss over the canine.

you're endearing, and johnny has to admit that seeing you coo at rex like he's a baby makes him slightly less terrifying.

"price put you up to this?" he asks, holding back a flinch when rex looks up at the sound of his voice.

"he did." you nod, standing back up and meeting his eyes again. "but rex actually does like you. guess you're just charming like that."

"well, thank god for that…" johnny grumbles, his voice dripping with sarcasm. you laugh again, and with the way his pulse quickens, he can't help but send you a cocky grin. "but what i wanna know is, do you like me?"

"hmm…" you feign indecision with a poorly concealed smirk, tapping a finger on your chin before leaning closer and placing a hand on his bicep. "i may need a little more convincing."

after that, johnny can hardly keep himself away from you.

whenever you're next to him he's got an arm slung over your shoulder, you’re always talking – texting when you’re apart – and any free time he has is spent following you around base, not unlike rex at your heel.

you ask him if he wants to watch you when you train rex, and initially he tries to say no, because he thinks seeing rex practising attacking people might break whatever spell you've cast that makes him not hate the dog; but you drag him along anyway, and he ends up being glad that you did.

it's fascinating, watching rex sniff a shirt from your hand and track down whoever it belongs to with expert precision. it looks almost like a game to the canine, the way his tail swings back and forth the whole time as he effortlessly completes any task you give him.

he finds the dummies you hide with ease, even when they're buried under piles of boxes and clothes and various other obstacles. johnny actually finds himself respecting the dog, which is shocking since a few weeks ago he never would've been able to handle even being in the same room as one.

you give johnny the treats to feed rex, which makes him nervous all over again when the canine looks up at him with wide eyes and all his sharp teeth on display. it takes some coaxing from you, but eventually he gets comfortable enough to let rex take a treat from his hand. he may not admit it, but the only reason he even lets rex get so close is because you're there. simply your presence gives him the courage, makes him feel secure.

"when this is over," johnny begins, hand twitching under rex's tongue and looking at you with such fondness it feels like his heart is about to burst, "i'll take you out proper, treat you right."

you blink at him, surprised, but not a moment later a wide smile is taking over your face. "i look forward to it, mactavish."

the others, particularly gaz and ghost, give him hell for how infatuated he's become with you, but their teasing doesn't deter him. he likes you, and he doesn't care if everybody knows it; you like him too, and that's all he really cares about.

now, sitting in the heli on the way to what they hope will be the final location for this mission, he was almost disappointed to be done with it. you were only on loan for this mission, so once they have their target, you'd be gone. he was hoping, optimistically, that once everything was said and done he could convince you to stay with the one-four-one. he was sure he could talk price into it, and though it was selfish of him, he just wanted you to stay by his side.

you're sitting next to him in the back of the aircraft, rex between your legs with his head resting on your thigh, staring up at johnny with those big brown eyes. without even thinking, he reaches a hand out and ruffles the fur on his head, earning a nudge and an adoring smile from you when he looks over.

"he might like you better than me," you tease, scratching behind rex's ear who was yet to take his eyes off of johnny.

"don't be jealous now, bonnie." he chuckles, returning the nudge to your shoulder. "you can have 'im on weekends."

you grin again and lightly shake your head, taking rex's face in your hands and bending over to press a kiss to the top of his head. "you love me the most, right boy?"

before long, the helicopter is landing and the five of you – plus rex – are following the captain out into the forest. it's cold when they exit the heli, night vision goggles highlighting the terrain through the darkness of the night.

the silence buzzes as you all stalk through the trees. johnny pays more attention to you than he should as you walk beside him, anxiety lighting up his nerves for how this mission will go.

as according to the plan, once the manor is in sight, you all split off into teams of two; him and ghost, price and gaz, and you and rex. he trusted you to do well, like you have been doing for the last few months, but he can't help the way his shoulders tense as he watches you disappear around the corner.

the building is guarded, which was expected of course, but they only had to take down a dozen or so guards until the place was barren.

the corridors were eerily deserted, bathed in a moonlit glow as johnny crept around the manor, following closely behind ghost with both of their heads on a swivel. the radio was quiet, by design for the mission plan, but somehow this time felt different, like they wouldn't hear him if he did call out.

it's the beeping that gives it away. so faint, he almost missed it, but his senses are sharpened like a blade – and as a demolitions specialist, he knows the sound of an explosive when he hears it.

johnny carefully pushes open the door to his right, scanning the room for any movement and finding none, but when his gaze lands on the centre of the room, his pulse skips a beat.

propane canisters, fuse linking them all together, and most concerning, a timer on top blinking at him; two minutes, ticking down with a sickening green glow.

"ghost," he calls, his voice hard and serious as the anxiety builds again, "it's rigged."

ghost steps into the doorway next to him, following johnny's arm as he points to the device.

"fuck." he spits, stepping back and clicking the radio on his vest, but no sound comes out. ghost curses again, looking back to johnny with a tense expression that the sergeant mirrors. "radios aren't workin' either. let's move, c'mon."

there's no room for argument in his tone, marching back the way they came with johnny in tow.

as they emerge back out into the night, price and gaz appear from around the corner, both lifting their goggles and approaching with concern evident on their faces.

"what happened?" price's gaze darts around behind them as he speaks, as if waiting for someone to jump out and attack.

"the place is rigged, we have to go." ghost explains, already moving past them and away from the manor.

the captain nods, gesturing for johnny and gaz to follow as he tries his radio with no luck, just like ghost. the pit of anxiety lingered, getting heavier by the second.

"move it, soap." price commands, a deep frown creasing his brow.

but johnny doesn't move. "hold on, where's k-9?" he asks, a frown of his own pulling his features downwards.

"radios are down, we don't have time to look for 'em." ghost calls over to them, earning a solemn nod from the captain, who tries to move him with a hand on his shoulder.

the radios are down, you have no way of knowing the building is rigged. there's no way johnny's about to leave you on your own in the blind, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did.

"no. i'm not leavin' without 'em." johnny growls, his face morphing into a frown as he brushes off the captain's arm and turns to go back inside.

"they might already be outside." gaz tries to reason, stepping in front of him and blocking him from the doorway. kyle's regretful gaze cuts through him, and there's the distinct feeling that everyone else has already given up on you. "we have to move, mate."

johnny scoffs. "fuck that! i can't just leave 'em!" he hisses, insulted by the very idea of leaving one of their own to fend for themselves. no, that's not how they operate, that's not how he operates.

a flash of anger shoots through him and he's about to shove past gaz, but before he can move, price is yanking him away.

"soap!" he growls, shaking him slightly as he grabs johnny's other arm. "get it together, you are not goin' back in there."

before he can argue, he's being grabbed by ghost and dragged away from the manor with him as the other two jog ahead of them into the treeline.

"oi!" johnny shouts, struggling in the lieutenants iron grip, but to no avail. ghost practically drags him along as he digs his heels into the dirt, writhing in an attempt to escape and go back for you.

he's desperate, he can't lose you, not before he takes you on that date, he promised, you can't die yet–

johnny blinks, the deep, rumbling boom completely derailing his thoughts and starting a piercing ringing in his ears.

white hot fire bursts from the windows of the manor, showering the surrounding area in shards of glass and debris as the heat escapes the building in waves.

no.

everything seemed to stop around him. ghost stopped trying to drag him away, the trees stopped blowing in the wind, he almost stopped breathing. the world pauses as the walls of the manor are engulfed in flames.

no.

johnny rips his arm out of ghost's grip and stumbles back towards the manor, his mind floating out of his body.

"no!" johnny wails, ignoring the heat on his face and taking a shaky step over the jagged stone and glass that crunches under his boot, "no! they're still–" his voice breaks, "they're still in there, for fucks sake!"

"johnny!" ghost shouts, grabbing him by the strap on the back of his vest and yanking him sharply away from the blaze. "they're gone." he mutters, purposefully avoiding soap's glassy eyes.

"shut the fuck up!" he cries, thumping his fist against ghost's chest and clawing at the arm holding him back. the tears spill from his eyes hard and fast, constricting his throat and blurring his vision.

he falls to his knees with his head in his hands and ghost lets him, the debris that litters the ground sharp against his flesh, but nothing compared to the pain in his chest.

it wasn't supposed to go like this.

you were supposed to come back, and he was supposed to take you out and give you a perfect date and he'd kiss you at the end of the night and now he'd never get to do any of that because–

you're gone. slipped through his fingers like sand into the ocean.

"c'mon, johnny." he hears ghost mutter, his voice distant even though he's right there, pulling him to stand by his arm. "let's regroup."

he doesn't struggle this time, shaking himself free of his lieutenant's grip and shuffling past him with his head hanging low. if there was a god, he's sure they're laughing at him by now. it all felt like some kind of cruel joke; give him hope by granting him someone to love after all these lonely years, and then rip you out of his arms before he can know the happiness you would bring him.

he and ghost don't get far before he hears the lieutenant stop in his tracks, but he doesn't care to know why, the hollow feeling in his chest won't allow him to.

"the dog…" ghost utters from behind him, an air of disbelief in his monotone voice. johnny freezes, a cold dread travelling up his spine as he hears the unmistakable sound of rex's claws padding towards them.

he turns slowly on his heel, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

your dog is standing in front of him.

"rex…?" he calls softly, taking in the dust and ash and dirt and blood caked into his rich brown fur, illuminated by the fire still raging. rex barks, tilting his head like he's confused, and johnny falls to his knees again, uncaring for the way the rubble tears through his trousers and his skin. "no, no no no no–"

rex is alone. you're not with him. he doesn't go anywhere without you, and that can only mean one thing.

the confirming thought alone shatters the dam completely.

the sobs wrack his body and johnny gathers rex into his arms, hugging him tightly to his chest, burying his face into his thick fur despite the filth that coats the both of them. he whimpers and whines in johnny's ear, and the sound only makes his heart hurt even more.

a few months ago he never would've dreamed he'd be hugging a dog, but you changed that; you'd helped him work on his fear, and even if rex was the only one he could tolerate, it was still leagues better than what he could accomplish without you.

but now you’re gone, and neither of them have you to fall back on.

johnny sinks his fingers deep into rex's fur, sniffling pathetically because he may have lost you, but your canine lost his entire world and he would never understand where you went, why you left him all alone, why you weren’t coming back.

rex begins to wriggle in his arms, and soap knows he wants him to let go but he can't bring himself to. this dog is all he has left of you now; he would take care of your beloved canine, it doesn't matter if he was still terrified in the back of his mind.

after a painful few minutes, jonny regains the awareness to remember where they are and the fact that ghost is still watching him break down with the dog in his arms. with a trembling sigh, he loosens his hold on rex and pulls back, wiping a dusty hand over his eyes.

as he pushes himself to stand rex barks again, startling johnny with a jolt of panic before bounding back the way he came, away from him and ghost.

johnny frowns. "hey, don't run," he mutters, ambling after the canine as he pads backwards. every time johnny gets close, rex slips just out of reach before he can grab him.

ghost sighs, but allows him to go after the dog, keeping a watchful eye on them as they get further away.

the way he was running along and looking back to make sure johnny was following reminded him a worrying amount of how he acted in his training. the training where you would hide a dummy for him and johnny would reward him with treats when he led you to the fake body.

"no, no rex," except this time, the body wouldn't be fake. "please, boy, just come back…"

rex doesn't react to his pleading, determined to lead him to what johnny knows he’s found, but desperately wants to deny anyway. he tries to stop, to turn back and never have to face the reality of you being gone, but the canine won't let him. he takes johnny's trousers between his razor teeth and growls, deep and threatening, as he tries to pull him along.

the sound makes johnny freeze, fear clawing at the back of his mind as an instinctual reaction, but he blinks hard and pushes through it. "alright, i'm comin'..."

rex lets go once he’s sure he’ll follow again, trotting ahead with the occasional check behind him to make sure johnny was still there. he follows the canine past the rubble, through the treeline, and into the underbrush where the sick feeling in his throat only grows stronger.

he doesn't bother with the night vision goggles. the fire provides enough waving light for him to just about see where he’s going, and he really has no desire to see what rex is guiding him to.

johnny almost trips over him when the canine comes to an abrupt stop, his wide eyes trained on a bush to johnny’s left.

the dread pooling in his stomach becomes suffocating.

"wh…?" he swallows thickly, crouching down to rex's level and placing a hand on his back, feeling his laboured breath that matches his own. "...whatchya got, boy?"

rex barks and noses at the branches of the bush, before stepping backwards a few paces and looking expectantly between johnny and the shrub.

johnny stares at the bush. no amount of training could've prepared him for the terror he feels imagining what he’ll find on the other side of it. as if sensing his hesitation, rex barks again to spur him on, but it only makes his heart sink further.

his hand shakes as he reaches for the branches. there's a stutter in his heartbeat, a hitch in his breath, as he pushes them aside to reveal–

"bleedin' fuckin' jesus–" johnny cries, jumping through the foliage to couch over your weakened form, forgetting his fear all together as he ruffles rex's fur with both hands and a breaking smile when he barks again. "oh good boy rex! good boy, fuckin' hell!"

it's you, blood and ash smeared across your skin and your chest rises and falls in shallow breaths, and johnny's just so happy you're alive he can't think to be afraid when rex snaps at his hands in a misdirected effort to protect you. he presses both hands against the slice in your abdomen, using the few medical supplies in his vest to help stop the bleeding as the tears being to well again.

"shit, stay with me, hun, i've got ye…" he mumbles, putting all his weight onto your stomach. "ghost! help me!"

the rest is a blur.

they carry you to the helicopter, rex barking protectively between their legs the whole way until he can lay on guard between your legs on take off.

when they finally touch down back at base, johnny has to grab rex by the vest so the medics can carry you out, wrestling him away as he barks and whines in protest. johnny stays with the canine while you're in surgery and for the days you're asleep, making sure he's fed and allowing him to sleep in his room so he won’t be alone – despite how uncomfortable it makes him, and how little sleep he gets because of it.

it's four days until you wake up.

he's not the first to find out, but as soon as the words reach his ears he’d racing down the corridors and bursting through the infirmary doors with enough intensity to make you jump out of your skin. the sight of you sitting up and talking to price almost has his eyes watering again, but he pushes that urge down.

he approaches your bed more carefully, a wobbly smile pulling at his lips under your warm gaze. with an understanding look, price is patting him on the shoulder as he passes by and leaving the two of you alone with each other.

"aren't you a sight for sore eyes," johnny grins, taking a seat in the chair next to your bed and grasping your hand in his. a smile lifts your features as he brings your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there as a heat rises in his cheeks.

"i could say the same, my knight in shining armour." you reply, moving your hand to cradle the side of his head and smoothing your thumb over his brow. he revels in the contact, the tension bleeding from his muscles under your touch. "where's rex?"

"he's fine, i made sure." he reassures you, and you let out a sigh of relief at his words, visibly relaxing into the pillows holding you up. "tried sneakin' him in here, but the nurses wouldn't have it."

a laugh escapes you, the sound still managing to make his heart feel light, even all these months later. "can't imagine why," you tease, gently nudging his head as he chuckles along with you.

it feels like a weight is lifted from his shoulders, finally having you with him again. his eyes flutter shut as the relief washes over him, and a minute passes where neither of you speak, simply basking in each other's presence.

there's a scratching sound at the door that interrupts the peace and quiet, and the two of you share a knowing smile. not a moment later, the door is being pulled open just enough for rex to slip through and skid towards your bed on the linoleum floor, wagging his tail at breakneck speed.

before the door can completely close, johnny catches a glimpse of gaz’s mischievous grin and groans, but he doesn't have time to yell at him before he’s out of sight and rex is distracting him by leaping onto your bed.

you wheeze as your canine braces his paws on your chest and begins his assault on your face, licking every inch of skin he can reach with a series of excited chuffs and narrowly missing johnny’s head with his swinging tail.

"hi rex! you saved my life, didn’t you boy?" you giggle, affectionately ruffling his fur and planting kisses of your own on his face. "who’s a good boy? who’s the best sniffer dog ever?"

johnny clears his throat, drawing your attention to him as you cuddle rex to your chest. "i don’t want’a blow my own horn here, but i saved yer life too…" he gives you that lopsided grin, a playful glint in his eyes that makes you laugh again.

"you want some pets too?" you chuckle, reaching over and dragging his head over to you by a hand on the back of his neck. "good job, johnny, you’re a good boy too." you coo, pressing your lips to his forehead and the tip of his nose as you ruffle his mohawk like rex’s fur.

the effect is immediate. his cheeks burn again with a striking red blush, and he chokes on his breath in bashful embarrassment under your ministrations. he hopes you haven't noticed his reaction, but the way your laugh bubbles up again he can tell you’ve caught on.

"i think i like that more than i should, bonnie." he mutters, pressing his forehead against yours and allowing his eyes to flutter shut. you hum sweetly, your warm breath fanning over his face.

"don’t short circuit on me yet, soap, you still owe me a date."

tagging: @cheezbites

#soap x reader #soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #141 x reader #call of duty x reader #mw2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #roosterr writes

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asimpforyagami · 18 days

Text

🇨 🇴 🇳 🇫 🇪 🇸 🇸 🇮 🇴 🇳 ！

BSD MEN REACTING TO A CONFESSION.

↷ A/N ─ yes new divider again because im indecisive as heck

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , atsushi , fyodor

!! TAGS ─ mentions of suicide, insecurities, overall fluff

"i love you."

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

promptly replies with, "i love you too."

he'll lean into you with an amused smile because he lowkey thinks you're joking

when he realizes you're serious about it he'll immediately stop the stupid grin

and look at you with this sincere look you've never seen on his face before

he'll hold your hand and everything while repeating "i love you too," for a second time, only this time he's serious about it too

definitely asks for double suicide later

"You know it's my motto to unalive myself with a beautiful woman. How lucky of you to have been bestowed upon this honour."

"Mhm."

"I'll say yes if you join me in a double suicide," he asks with puppy eyes.

"Dazai, you already said yes."

"I'll say it again!"

ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

he stops abruptly and half chokes on his expensive ass wine

poor boy is really confused 😭 because "where did that come from??"

he tries to play it cool but he's literally SCREAMING inside

we all know he's been betrayed a lot of times in the past so he feels hesitant about it

will decide to give it a shot tho

100% calls dazai to brag about it

"You may be taller or whatever (as if that matters in the first place) but were you the one able to steal her heart? Eh? I think not!"

You chuckle hearing him update his rival of his new relationship status.

"And anyway," he raises a glass of wine for toast. "I'd like to thank my good looks, good looks and did I mention my good looks (?) for making tonight the happiest night ever."

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

"i know."

he has always observed every single thing about you - how you behave around others vs how you behave around him, the little times you look at him like you want his attention etc etc

he's known about this since like soooo long

he defo also knew when where and how you were gonna confess

went to yosano for tips to react to it and bought you chocolates and stuff. he thinks it'll make you happy :D

eats all of that himself even tho he originally bought it for you but you let it slide because he's a cutie patootie

"You could at least have been a bit subtle about it," he says, munching on his chips. "I mean, anyone who saw you would've been able to guess. I didn't even need my ability for this!"

He lifts his chin up thoughtfully, fingers ripping open another packet of snacks. "You should be grateful I'm not a snitch. Eh, well," he shrugs, "You're now dating the greatest detective in the world! Congratulations!"

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

"eh???"

like chuuya, he's pretty confused too

"are you sure?"

tries to keep a straight face and hide his fluster

he'll narrow his eyes at you as if he's trying to read your emotions. he doesn't wanna get hurt if he gets too attached to you and you two end up breaking up

also how tf is he supposed to believe that someone like YOU like someone like HIM?

reassure him that he's perfect please :( poor baby deserves the world

"I am a lot of work. I don't think you can keep up with all of that," he says shortly.

"I'll try my best."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to!"

He stares at you for a few moments, looking like he's about to cry.

"Oh, alright then," he waves a hand around. "But don't you ever leave me."

ᴀᴛꜱᴜꜱʜɪ.

screams

"SAY IT AGAIN PLEASE!"

jumps around everywhere in happiness

you dont even get a verbal answer the man's just dancing around

either that or he just faints

he's, like akutagawa, insecure about himself. but he's much more open to showing his emotions to you.

you end up cuddling the whole night or he calls off work to be with you for the rest of the day <3

"I..." he repeats the same word for the fifth time in a row.

"Yes?"

"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I get to date you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no!" he panics, wringing both hands all over himself hastily. "I love you! Really!"

ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.

no reaction. im sorry

spares a small glance at you but otherwise doesn't get distracted from his work

you think he's gone deaf from the way he just ignored you cuz what????

will spend like 15 minutes that way before extending an arm to you and you lowkey DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? HELP??

he'll stare at you for a few seconds before pulling you onto his lap and continuing with his work

and that's his way of saying yes

He shuts the computers around him down and taps your outer thigh twice. You immediately stand up and help him up. He stares at you for a few seconds, contemplating something.

"You know, I never thought I'd enable others to call me a lovesick fool."

"Does that mean you are a lovesick fool?"

"A little, maybe," he turns around and walks out of the door while you follow him with a soft smile on your face.

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