#engineering disasters
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WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 1 [take 2, the long post vs Tumblr's formatting]
[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]
[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]
Part 1: Hello and Welcome to Shandor Studios (it's weird)
[TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: The moon was waning and a raven was tapping on my window when I discovered a heretofore unknown tier at the WTYP Patreon page. It was called "Pazuzu" and cost $6.66 USD. It had one listed benefit "bonus bonus episode." I unlocked a single unnumbered bonus episode titled "Ibo Shanor" and subtitled "train bad actually." Judging from the dialogue, it dates to summer 2023. Since it lacked any closed-captioning, I took the liberty of transcribing it, and coping most of the slides for your edification. (Not really, this is a work of fiction.) I have styled Ms. Caldwell-Kelly as "Alice" since she still seems to be using that in podcast land at this time. Please support WTYP!]
[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, an art deco style building with some familiar-looking gargoyles perched on it, and poor JPEG compression, with an inset of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Captioned: Will the Real Ivo Shandor Please Stand Up?]
JUSTIN ROCZNIAK (R): Hello, and welcome to Well There’s Your Problem, a podcast about engineering disasters with…
LIAM ANDERSON (L) [chanting]: Studio! Studio! Studio!
R: …with slides.
L: Studio! Suck it, Discord!
ALICE CALDWELL-KELLY (A): It’s quite nice, actually. There’s a little break room, and somebody left us one of those edible arrangements, and a paperback Necronomicon…
DEVON (D) [text over slide]: IT WAS ACTUALLY VERY NICE. I HAD MY OWN CONTROL ROOM. BUT IT WAS NOT WORTH IT.
L [distorted, too close to the mic]: My audio sounds amazing! This bonus episode is about Liam’s cool mic!
A [obligingly]: Yay, Liam’s cool mic.
R: It’s made of meat, though.
L: What, my cool mic?
R: No, the edible arrangement in the break room. They’re usually made of fruit, this one is made of meat. Raw meat.
A: Yes, I was wondering if that was an American thing. [laughter] I’ve never been to Massachusetts before!
L: It’s Innsmouth, Alice. Nobody’s ever been to Innsmouth. It doesn’t technically exist.
R: It’s not even on Google Maps.
A: Is it sort of a, er, township? Unincorporated township?
R: It’s more of a, uh, cult.
A: Like an MLM?
L: Like Christianity!
R: Well, a bunch of fish people founded it in the late eighteen hundreds…
L: Fucking fish.
R: …and let’s say they got up to some questionable activities.
A: Anything I should be worried about?
R: Well…
A: I did travel here by interdimensional portal and that’s just a bit… off-putting? It’s very convenient, but…
L: Swimming, having gills…
R: I took the train.
L: Just breathe air, you little shits!
A: Did they not offer you an interdimensional portal, then?
R: No, they did, I just said I’d rather take the train.
A: How was it?
R: Not bad. It was made of meat, though. The train. Smooth ride. Turns out meat is an excellent shock absorber, just not very practical. There was a flock of ravens trying to eat us the whole way.
A: That’s… a bit odd.
L: Brian Phelps.
R: Brian Phelps is made of meat?
L: No, Brian Phelps is a fucking fish. [shouting, too close to mic again] You’re not fooling anyone, Brian! God, I could go for some salami. Is there any salami in the meat bouquet?
R: There is definitely not any salami in the meat bouquet.
L: I’m gonna make myself a sandwich!
[scraping sound, footsteps, door opens and closes]
A: It’s nice having a studio, though.
R: It’s not bad. I like these chairs with the wheels. Good lumbar support. How was the portal?
A: Terrifying, but brief. Very brief. It materialised right under me in the dairy aisle of Tesco’s, then I was in this howling green tunnel for about five seconds, and then I was here. On the one hand, I didn’t have to show my passport or go through security, but on the other hand, I’m just slightly concerned I might have cancer. Or a prion disease. [nervous laugh] Or maybe I’ll turn into a fish person. Did you mean literal fish people?
R: Yes.
A: I suppose… Someone got very lonely and fucked a fish, or…?
R: Yes.
A: What? Are you being serious? What kind of a fish… Do you mean mermaids?
R: No. In fact, mermaids have a notorious design flaw when it comes to sexual congress with us human types. What you’re after, as a lonely sailor, is an animal known as the “reverse-mermaid,” which is widely regarded as a joke, and depicted as the head and torso of a fish, with human legs, and presumably genitalia, underneath… [drawing a reverse-mermaid on the slide, with the mouse, badly] But which is in fact more of an elder god by the name of Dagon, which does indeed have legs and genitalia, but is more of a fully-anthropomorphic monstrous fish. [drawing monstrous legs and feet] He’s a bit larger and taller. Here, I’ll put a “D” for Dagon. [draws arrow] And the rest of him is up there.
A: As a lonely sailor myself, I don’t see how something like that is any more fuckable than a regular fish. Or a manatee. Frankly, I’d rather fuck a manatee. At least it’s a mammal.
R: Yeah, but you’d be violating the Endangered Species Act.
A [laughing]: I’m sorry, aren’t they endangered? We want them to fuck! You told me to save the manatees, well I’m out there doing it! And then I’m going to save the whales!
R: Debatable whether creating a race of half-human, half-manatee hybrids is saving the species…
A: Are you some kind of fucking manatee eugenicist? If the manatee and I are both consenting adults, and we fancy each other, then leave us the fuck alone! This is how evolution works!
R: In the mind of Donald Trump, yes.
[door opening and closing]
D [text over slide]: I COULD EDIT THAT OUT BUT I’M TOO TRAUMATISED AND DRUNK.
L: You guys… Is that supposed to be a fucking fish?
R: No. It’s the legendary reverse-mermaid.
L: Well, I only respect half of it! Here. The meat bouquet started screaming when I cut into it, so I grabbed some doughnuts.
A: Oh, are there doughnuts? The meat bouquet has a way of…
L: You didn’t hear it?
R: The meat bouquet?
A: …of arresting one’s attention…
L [excited]: The soundproofing in here is fucking incredible!
D [text over slide]: IN RETROSPECT, THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A RED FLAG.
A: Out of sheer, morbid curiosity, did the doughnut scream?
L: Doughnuts don’t scream.
R: Do the doughnuts scream in… in the UK?
A: …No, not usually. Perhaps, perhaps on the continent, but not usually in Britain. They’re very stuffy and well-behaved.
L: And transphobic.
A: Of course.
L: Do you want one of these?
A: Er, I rather think… I’d better not eat or drink anything until another portal opens up and sends me home. Just in case this is a Persephone sort of situation…
R: Probably a good idea.
L: Low blood sugar kills, Alice. [muffled, chewing]
R: You’ll wind up married to Hades and having to spend six months out of the year in Massachusetts.
L: I’m spending twelve months out of the year in this studio, I don’t care if it’s in Massachusetts. If I have to, I will marry Hades twice.
R: Nah, you see, that’s not legal in Massachusetts. You’d be in a bigamous relationship with yourself.
L: Well, then one of you has to do it. Daddy needs his new mic. These chairs are awesome too!
[rumbling, squeaking]
A: I’m already in a very committed relationship with the Mothman, actually. We go around collapsing bridges and making appearances just out of camera frame. It’s quite fun.
R: Alice is actually a cryptid wanted across several New England states.
A: Yes, I’d like very much to get back to it, and not get cancer or die! [nervous laughter] Ah, shall we get on with the episode?
L: I’m never leaving this studio. You will pry this microphone from my cold, dead hand.
A: Intros? Did we do intros?
R: It’s a bonus episode, they already know us.
D [text over slide]: HONESTLY IF WE’D JUST DONE THE INTROS, IT WOULD’VE SAVED US A LOT OF TROUBLE.
A: Right…
R: But we do have [news drop] the God Damn News.
Part 2 will be another post, give me a minute and I'll link it...
#wtyp#well there's your problem#ghostbusters#long reads#fanfic#fanfiction#crossover fic#gozer the gozerian#alice caldwell-kelly#liam anderson#justin roczniak#devon#engineering disasters#podcast
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A train hauling ethanol derailed Thursday morning in Raymond, Minnesota, igniting several rail cars and forcing nearby residents to evacuate, officials said.
Preliminary information suggests 14 of the train’s 40 cars were carrying hazardous material, “including ethanol, which was released – leading to a fire,” US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg told CNN on Thursday.
The train was carrying mixed freight, including ethanol and corn syrup, said Lena Kent, general director of public affairs for BNSF Railway.
Ethanol is a highly flammable chemical. Exposure can lead to coughing, dizziness, the feeling of burning eyes, drowsiness and unconsciousness.
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I have some Opinions about the titan submersible and maybe it will stop taking up so much brain power if i write it all out so here yall go. Almost all of this is about the engineering of the sub. Scroll on if you don’t care about this at all
So two important things about me: 1) i have a degree in materials science and engineering 2) i have an obsession with aviation disasters
So opinions that I feel I am qualified to talk about b/c of my degree
1) Carbon fiber - the choice of carbon fiber for the bulk of the hull for this was weird. Carbon fiber has a fairly high tensile strength and fairly low compressive strength. Tensile is when you are pulling something apart, compressive is when you a smushing something. Its tensile strength (how much stress it can withstand) is around 500,000 psi (3.5GPa) [this is dependent on other factors but lets go with it for now] it’s compressive strength is closer to 145,000 psi [again depends on a lot of factors, we are just going with this for the sake of my discussion]. It’s compressive strength is nothing to sneeze at, but it is much lower than its tensile strength.
The important part of a submersible is it’s compressive strength, the pressure from the ocean is going to be trying to collapse the submarine it and it needs to be able to withstand that. Can carbon fiber withstand the ocean? By the numbers I have found, technically yes. NOAA says that pressure increases about 1 atmosphere per 10 meters of water depth putting us at around 4400 psi for 3000m. The thing to know about pressure vessels is that they degrade every time they are pressurized and unpressured (a cycle). The pressurization can create defects in the material, and these defects often lead to a lower stress required for failure. The more cycles something undergoes, the more likely it is to fail. I am not sure how much research has been doing in cyclic loading of this specific carbon fiber under compression. I am dying to see the research data that went into this design, how much material testing did they do?
Third important thing about carbon fiber - the weave. Essentially, when using carbon fiber, you weave them together in different orientations to build the size/shape of composite you need. A typical weave would have the fiber all going in one direction, then the next layer would rotate the fiber 90 degrees in comparison to the first, then back to the original orientation. Or perhaps a 0/45/90 degree wave. This weave ensures that the material has similar properties when undergoing stress from all directions, not just one. If you have all the fibers going in the same direction, it will likely fail when being pulled any other way with little stress. And for a pressure vessel, you need to withstand stress in all directions. I heard from a friend they had their weave in the same direction, but I have not found sources confirming that. Frankly I am having trouble finding any sources about the specifics of the carbon fiber at all.
Finally, ceramics (like carbon fiber) tend to fail quickly with little warning. Metals tend to bend before the break. Carbon fiber and other ceramics won’t. It will get a crack that starts to grow and reach critical size and break with little or no sign visually. Nondestructive testing of ceramics is also harder than metals. We have some tests to find small cracks inside of metals, but using those on ceramics is not as well documented or are more expensive.
2) Mixing titanium and carbon fiber - why? Mixing materials is always something you need to be careful when doing. We want those materials to match some specific properties as best we can. One such property would be coefficient of thermal expansion. AKA how much does the material expand or shrink when exposed to hot or cold temperatures. If those materials do not have similar values, one will expand or shrink faster than the other, and causing the seal between the two to be weaker. The coefficient of thermal expansion for carbon fiber depends on the weave, but is much different than titanium. This means the seal could become an issue at low temperatures (such as occur down 3000m below the surface of the ocean)
3) The timeline - according to recent sources the design of this sub occurred in a very short period of time. Which is concerning. The amount of testing needed to design something like this should be many months, not a few weeks. This is experimental and it will carry people. You want to take your time to collect data, consider other materials or design choices.
4) Using the porthole that was only certified to 1300m for a sub that went to 3000m - i feel like I dont need to expand on why that was dumb :/
Now to the things I am not qualified for with a degree but I feel qualified to talk about because I am obsessed with aviation disasters and there's a lot of overlap here.
1) The remote controller - my problem with the video game controller is not its use, there is some good application for it, my problem is how it was the only way to control the sub at all. There was no redundancies in the sub so if something went wrong, there was little to be done.
2) The lack of oversite - I love innovation. I love seeing engineering trying new things and going to new places. I also love rules and regulations that stop people from doing really really dumb shit. And this sub was subject to none of them (?) at least not that I can tell. Which is awful. There needed to be someone else there making this company stop and breath. To not rush. To think about safety more. To consider plans B and C. And to ensure they were making good engineering choices. What was the factor of safety with this submersible? The fact that this thing could carry paying passengers w/o being certified by anyone is insane to me. No one looked at this and said: hmm, this seems dangerous lets do more testing b/c no one was required to.
The aviation industry is not and has not been perfect. But the aviation industry has overall, done a good job and looking at mistakes, disasters, incidents, and near collisions and changing how they do things. They engineered planes to be safer. They set up maintenance procedures that test parts to see if they have critically large defects. Clearly we need to think about doing some of the same here since damn, someone really dropped the ball on this.
Anyone I’m dying to see the materials testing data they did in advance of using this thing cause I want to know what they saw that they feel would make it safe.
(also if anyone wants resources for what I talked about or where i cited lmk, most of this I googled and pulled from scientific journals or newspapers today)
#long post#titan submersible#titan submarine#titanic submersible#engineering#engineering disasters#i have too many thoughts
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So wait... this "reviewer" genuinely had no idea that there's a LOT of people who have a genuine interest in horrible engineering disasters?
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Remembering July 17, 1981: The Hyatt Regency Walkway Collapse
The Hyatt Regency hotel, a symbol of modernity, opened its doors in 1978, boasting an impressive atrium with suspended walkways. These walkways, designed to be both functional and visually appealing, connected different levels of the hotel, including the lobby where a tea dance was taking place on that fateful evening.
The collapse of the walkways was a result of critical design flaws and miscommunication between the engineering firm and the steel fabricator. Changes in the original design compromised the structural integrity of the walkways, leading to a severe overload on the connections holding them in place. The fatal decision to use offset sets of rods instead of the original design proved to be disastrous.
Source
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I think people are too focused on the game controller piloting the submersible (this can work, although it should’ve been wired imo) and not on the fact that it was made of CARBON FIBER ??
#sorry but I love engineering disasters I might have to go on a rant about this later#but this whole situation is insane to me#oceangate#titanic
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Unity: WotC? WotC?! You think WotC deserves "Worst PR Fuckup of the Year?" They're NOTHING! We can do so much worse than them!
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being into B'Elanna/Seven is so fucking funny. Star Trek: Voyager just keeps telling me that they don't like each other and yet here I am wondering why the hell B'Elanna would make that observation if she truly didn't care, a little passive-aggressive as it is and all, and why Seven would admit to anything being wrong with her if she didn't trust B'Elanna even a little bit. That being said, they Cannot have a normal interaction ever and I'm laughing
#every time they're both in the mess hall or in engineering... you know it's about to Happen#voy#b7#b'elanna torres#seven of nine#ep: infinite regress#pictures taken 5 seconds before disaster also#sidenote to the sidenote i wish 'you look terrible' made any sense wrt makeup or costuming decisions here
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yes obviously the worst part of AYA is all the weird, heteronormative ooc shit but also. I honestly don't think Phineas "laws of physics are despotism" Flynn would willingly go to college
#pnf#phineas and ferb#mine.#like realistically. what the hell would he study. he's doing just fine at 10 without an engineering degree#and if there was a area of study he was interested in i dont think he would spent thousands of dollars#to learn about it in a traditional school setting#my ideal visions of adult! phineas and ferb: college dropouts who are always on the beink of financial disaster#because they hate making money off their inventions
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WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 11
[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10
Part 11: Shake Hands with Gozer
[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]
[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, with the All Hail Gozer logo.]
[faint sound of a car alarm]
L: Oh, heck, it’s Gandalf…
[chirp-chirp]
[car alarm ceases]
A [dismissive]: You know, this is really not doing it for me anymore. The whole deal. Not even with a camera. No. Fuck it. Your personality is a real turn-off.
R: These chairs are still really comfy, though.
[rumbling, squeaking]
G: [muffled, into phone]: UH-HUH… UH-HUH… IN MY DEFENSE, THEY INSULTED MY DOGS AND SUGGESTED I ASSOCIATE WITH ELON MUSK, ABI… YES, ADMITTEDLY, BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO BE RUDE… MM-HM. WHAT’S IT CALLED? “CLIMATE CHANGE”? [with sudden excitement] OH! “GLOBAL WARMING!” YES! HOW LONG? OH, THAT’S NOT LONG AT ALL! NO, NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE IRONY. DIY APOCALYPSE! OH, YES, WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE, MUSTN’T WE? HA-HA-HA. BUT, UH, DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE… A LAKE OF FIRE? EVEN A SMALL ONE? [laughter] WOW! THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!
L: I don’t like where this is going…
A: Rocz, where the hell are my cigarettes?
R: I fed them to a dog.
A: What?
G: SO ABOUT SEVEN BILLION YEARS ON THE OUTSIDE? WELL, I GET BORED, ABI. YOU KNOW I GET BORED. WILL YOU KEEP PODCASTING AND KILLING THE SMARMY MORTAL “JAMES BOND”? HA! ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I WILL MANAGE…
D: Did… Did Abi just say we’re going to keep doing KJB for the next seven billion years…?
L: Sounds like the fate of the world kinda depends on it…
A: Where is my fucking Slimfast bar?
R: Ibid.
V: Will you have a slice of meat bouquet, Lord Alice?
A: [screams]
R: You two gotta stop doin’ that.
Z: Lord Alice is mortal, Vinz Clortho. You are supposed to feed the mortals frozen peas. It is good for them. The demon David Tennant says so.
L: I think you’re a little mixed up about that…
R: Your dimension gets Amazon Prime?
Z: All hell dimensions have Amazon Prime. Where else are we supposed to get our blood plasma?
V: But we have no frozen peas to give, and we must depart our mortal hosts soon!
Z: You may rub our tummies, if you wish. It is good for your mortal brain meat.
L: Aww!
Z: Not you, Vengeful Mortal of Insults!
L: Well, this has been a total fucking waste of time!
A: Get away from me, you smell like Marlboros and despair.
V: It is the Slimfast bar…
Z: You want some of this, Frodo?
D [coldly]: No thank you, Sigourney.
R [warmly]: Good Terror Dogs… Good, good puppies…
G: HA-HA, RIGHT! THESE THINGS HAPPEN! WELL, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE CLUB TONIGHT. CIAO, BESTIE!
L: “Bestie”?
A: [sigh] It’s Mesopotamian rock-paper-scissors, don’t worry about it.
D: To think, all this time, all we had to do was summon Abigail Thorn…
G: VINZ CLORTHO! ZUUL! STOP BOTHERING LORD ABIGAIL’S FRIENDS!
V: Farewell, doughnut-giver!
Z: Never buy copper from Ea-nāṣir!
[electricity, crackling]
MILKSHAKE (M)]: آیا من یک سگ بودم؟ [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Okay, it’s in Persian, but Google Fonts doesn’t do cuneiform.]
R: Oh, hey, it’s my cats!
PIZZA BOY (P): پدر!
R: Nah, don’t eat that meat bouquet, I have no idea who or what that is…
M: این انصاف نیست.
R: Say, Gozer, is this here permanent?
G: ALL CATS CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT.
P: Das ist ein süßes Kopftuch.
A: Um… Danke?
M: Никогда больше не трогай мой животик.
A: [snickers]
G: SO! [claps hands] SORRY FOR THIS LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
[brief pause]
G: WHAT?
[crosstalk, complaining, “We are covered in horse viscera!” “Clean this shit off!” etc.]
G: RIGHT. SORRY.
L: And I want to keep my new van!
G: YOUR VAN BELONGS TO ISHTAR, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINISH YOUR PODCAST, MORTALS?
A: Oh, yes! Of fucking course we would!
[Rapid scrolling through 10 slides or so before landing on an image of Ivo Shandor.]
A: And in conclusion… Ivo Shandor can eat shit, I’m glad he got ripped in half, art deco architecture is hideous, I disavow everything Sumerian — except Liam’s van and possibly Abi — and billionaires contribute nothing of value to society! [panting] Does anyone have anything else?
L: Pronoun checks will save your fucking life! If any of you out there ever give us shit for the pronoun check ever again, I got a [bleep] with your name on it!
G: SERIOUSLY. THAT COLONEL-SANDERS-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER SUMMONED ME OUT OF A HOT BATH AND MISGENDERED ME ON PURPOSE — I’M GLAD I RIPPED HIM IN HALF TOO!
R: [drawing devil horns and an unflattering mustache on Shandor with the mouse] We have a segment on this podcast we like to call Safety Third…
A: What?
L: Oh my God, Rocz…
D: Fucking seriously?!
R: I’m sorry, but rigidly adhering to our unhinged podcast format has just saved our lives and possibly the entire world — and if we’d just done our goddamn intros we would’ve avoided that whole mess — so we’re going to do a Safety Third! Alice, the drop, please.
[“Shake hands with danger” drop]
[SLIDE: A pastoral oil painting that seems to be missing a figure with a shepherd's crook.]
G: OOH, THIS LOOKS FUN. CAN I PLAY TOO?
WTYP: NO.
D: And clear the slime out of my awesome control room.
G: OF COURSE.
D [suspiciously]: Be honest with me. If someone were to press a button and cover you in boiling hot lava, would that be an inconvenience?
G: OOH, DO YOU HAVE LAVA? I JUST LOVE LAVA!
D [slowly fading, walking away from the mics]: This has been a fucking waste of time!
[door slam]
R: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending)…”
G: IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE ANY LAVA, THEN?
R [with determination]: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending), Liam (yay, Liam) and potential Guest.”
G [distorted, too close to the mic]: HELLO, MORTALS! I AM PODCASTING!
L: Shut the fuck up.
R: “...I am an art-restorer by trade, a profession which, I’m sure you know, has its dangers. Apart from the usual face-melting chemicals, we deal with a lot of paintings of dubious provenance, many of which come into our hands with curses or angry spirits attached. It’s a little like working at the humane society. Most of them can be cleaned up and rehabilitated if you’re careful, but a select few will try to kill you. It’s not their fault, but you do always need to be aware of the hazard. For example, the attached image once contained the figure of a little girl who would slowly approach the foreground of the painting over a period of weeks, before crawling out of the frame and attempting to strangle everyone in the room with her shepherd’s crook.”
A: Oh. Yeah. Pretty standard.
L: Get a new bit, ghost children!
G: I TOOK THE FORM OF A DEMONIC LITTLE GIRL ONCE!
A: No one cares.
R: “We gave her a juice box and some crackers, and let her watch a Disney video (Aladdin, but I’m not sure if you can say that)...”
L: Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you? Do not write it if you don’t want Rocz to say it!
A: Was the time he almost finished reciting that Ashanti death curse not enough for you people?
L: You’re just goddamn lucky he mispronounced it!
R: “And now she’s happily attending the local junior high school. A lot of attached spirits are just hungry, or bored, or both, and are easily dealt with. After they’ve lived through a few near-misses like that, some of my colleagues start to become jaded and sloppy. For example, my boss, whom we will call Timothy Q. Jackass (the Q stands for ‘Clueless’)...”
L: Good. Good name.
G: I ONCE GAVE A JACKASS THE GIFT OF PROPHECY!
A: Go away.
G: …HIS NAME WAS TIRESIAS OF THEBES! WHAT? NOTHING? NOBODY?
L: Get some new references.
A: Read another elegy.
G: DO YOU HAVE A RIMSHOT IN HERE…?
A: Touch my laptop and die.
R: “One morning, Mr. Jackass rolled up to the studio with a tinted etching (image not attached for reasons which will become obvious).”
L: Vigo.
A: Fucking Vigo.
G: THAT CARPATHIAN CUNT AND HIS GODDAMN ART COMMISSIONS. NOBODY WANTS TO PAINT YOU, VIGO, NOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT.
[stifled laughter]
G [hopeful]: …OR THOSE SHOES?
A: [clearing throat] Don’t press your luck.
R: “I recognized a certain Carpathian with whom you are no doubt familiar…”
G: HA! YOU CALLED IT!
L: Interrupting is a privilege, and we will mail you a certificate when you have earned it.
R: “...and, of course, I advised Mr. Jackass to douse it in holy oil and set it on fire, as per the established procedure. Imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted me to clean and restore it.”
L: No. Don’t do it.
A: Step away from the abyss.
G: UNIONIZE.
[pause]
G: WHAT? ARE YOU MORTALS FUCKING SCABS?
A: …Alright, I am not autistic — that I know of — but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.
L: You enjoy human suffering but are pro-union?
G: YOU HUMANS WILL TOUCH A CAT’S TOES UNTIL IT BITES YOU OUT OF FRUSTRATION, BUT YOU WILL STILL FEED THEM AND PET THEM.
[pause]
R: Milkshake, Pizza Boy, will you ever forgive me?
M: Lo mismo ocurre con nosotros, cuando os enseñamos el culo antes del amanecer.
R: Is that a yes?
A: All I know is how to order a beer and ceviche…
L: Rocz, for God’s sake, finish the letter so we can get in my van and go home.
R: “I told Mr. Jackass what he could do with his etching, in language that is not very podcast-friendly, and he replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t be a pussy, it’s just an etching. It’s probably Latvian or some shit.’”
G: VIGO THE LATVIAN MAKES A DAMN FINE BLOOD SAUSAGE.
[stifled laughter, a certain amount of snickering]
G [wounded]: WHAT? I AM BEING SERIOUS. SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT JELLYFISH AND CEPHALOPODS, BUT IF YOU COME AT VIGO THE LATVIAN’S BLOOD SAUSAGE, I WILL END YOU.
[hysterical cackling, even from the cats]
A: Oh, God, oh, fuck no… Xe tried to kill us!
L: And xe’s doin’ it again!
R: It’s called catharsis, Alice! Laugh or cry!
[pandemonium ending in sniffles]
R: Ah… Ah… Oh, God… Lemme see here… “I reiterated my refusal, forcefully, and Mr. Jackass decided he’d teach me a lesson by restoring the etching himself. The next few weeks were remarkably quiet, with regards to Mr. Jackass, save for occasional instances of chanting. He rarely left his office and appeared to be sleeping there. He was also going through a lot of black candles. There was a single attempt to order ‘an unsullied infant boy’ from DoorDash, which was not successful. The next day, Mr. Jackass called in sick, so I figured he was at the exorcist’s and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the six o’clock news and found him declaring his candidacy for City Comptroller. From what I could gather, his platform included human sacrifice and a ‘skull throne tax.’ I had my hand on the phone to call an exorcist and report him, but my mean streak got the better of me. ‘Let’s see how this plays out,’ I thought.”
L: Did… Did he win?
R: “Don’t worry. Vigo the Carpathian, running as Mr. Jackass, suffered a resounding defeat and eventual exorcism. However, we restored and reclaimed so many paintings during his extended sabbatical, that before Mr. Jackass even had a chance to dye the blond bleach job out of his hair, the higher ups called him and told him, and I quote, ‘Don’t come back.’ That is how I became head of the art restoration department!”
[cheers, applause]
R: “The moral of this story, if there is one, is, ‘never interrupt your stupid boss when he is making a mistake.’”
G: A MODERN DAY SUN TZU!
R: “Love to you all, and be well.”
A: Aww, that’s actually very nice.
L: I hope Vigo fried that guy’s hair so bad he never recovers.
G: DAMN, I COULD GO FOR SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE.
R: This concludes Safety Third.
[“Shake hands with danger” drop]
R: Does anyone have any commercials?
L: Rocz…
R: Our podcasting format saved the world.
L: Okay, okay, but I got nothin’.
A: Same. You know where you can find us.
L: Right, we live in your basement. We’re watching you right now.
G: SAME!
R: If we want more Gozer the Gozerian, for some reason, where else can we find you?
G: IN YOUR NIGHTMARES!
R: Of course.
[SLIDE: The Amityville Horror House.]
R: Our next episode…
G: OH! OH! WAIT! I ALSO HAVE A TUMBLR!
A: Oh, my God, I have got to get off that hellsite…
R: Our next episode is on the Amityville Horror…
G: OOH, I LOVE THAT ONE! CAN I FIND IT WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE FOUND?
R: Uh…
A [tightly]: Don’t tell xem, just end the episode.
G: WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?
L: End the episode! END IT BEFORE DEVON HITS THE LAVA BUTTON!
G: HI MOM! HI GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!
[soothing public domain music]
D [not drunk enough to stop being annoyed but still very drunk]: This is Future Devon… Fuck, I mean Present Devon. I have consumed all the liquor and ice cream I demanded from Gozer, and I am going to bed. If, as I suspect, this has all been an epic-length fanfiction from the diseased brain of some individual out there on the internet, when I wake up in the morning, I expect not to exist. This version of me, I mean. So, I would just like to take this opportunity to say: Fuck you. You will die alone. The pet raven in no way makes up for any of this bullshit — although I cherish him and have named him after Sir Ian McKellen. All these fucking Chekov’s guns all over the place, and you didn’t let me use my lava button even once. I will never forgive you for this. I am so done with podcasting, and everything Sumerian, but apparently I still have several billion years of Kill James Bond to go. [sigh] Okay.
[shuffling, sound of a laptop closing]
D: Come on, Sir Ian, let’s go to oblivion.
[long pause]
SIR IAN (I): This is Sir Ian, I am the raven who is talking now, my pronouns are he and him, and I thought you’d all like to know I work for Pazuzu. Don’t tell Dev, it would only upset them. I suppose I’ll put this up on the Patreon for them…?
[click]
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
[And if ya liked that, I got a whole serialized story for ya. You let me work with my own characters and I get even more unhinged, just so's ya know.]
Thanks for reading!
#wtyp#well there's your problem#ghostbusters#long reads#fanfic#fanfiction#crossover fic#gozer the gozerian#alice caldwell-kelly#liam anderson#justin roczniak#devon#engineering disasters#podcast
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SniperSpy is officially married
Even though I'm saddened their great misadventure has come to an end, finishing this comic could not have happened at a better time. This page took me over one month to make simply because I no longer have the time I used to have before getting my dream job.
I also HAD to add Medics with their doves since so many asked about them. I wasn't going to make it happen but hell, I did and I had fun with that. That's what they get for planning a stunt without telling anyone ;D
The next (and FINAL) page is now available on my Patreon!
To celebrate the LGBTQ+ month the charity of June 2023 shall be Outright International
Outright International works with partners around the globe to strengthen the capacity of the LGBTIQ human rights movement, document and amplify human rights violations, and advocate for inclusion and equality. You can find their global projects here
My heartfelt thanks to those of you reblogging this story! <3
The characters don't belong to me, the artwork does.
First part / Previous part
All dem other parts:
Part1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 21,5
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31
Part 32
Part 33
Part 34
Part 35
Part 36
Part 37
Part 38
Part 39
Part 40
Part 41
Part 42
Part 43
Part 44
Part 45
Part 46
Part 47
Part 48
Part 49
Part 50
Part 51
Part 52
Part 53
Part 54
Part 55
Part 56
Part 57
Part 58
Part 59
Part 60
Part 61
Part 62
Part 63
Part 64
Part 65
Part 66
Part 67
Part 68
Part 69
Part 70
Part 71
Part 72
Part 73
Part 74
Part 75
Part 76
Part 77
Part 78
Part 79
Part 80
Part 81
Part 82
Part 83
Part 84
Part 85
Part 87
Part 88
Part 89
Part 90
Part 91
Part 92
Part 93
Part 94
Part 95
Part 96
Part 97
Part 98
Part 99
Part 100
Part 101
Part 102
Page 103
Page 104
Part 105
Part 106
Part 107
Part 108
Part 109
Part 110
Part 111
Part 112
Part 113
Part 114
Part 115
Part 116
Part 117
Part 118
Part 119
Part 120
Part 121
Part 122
Part 123
Part 124
Part 125
Part 126
Part 127
Part 128
Part 129
Part 130
Part 131
Part 132
Part 133
Part 134
Part 135
Part 136
Part 137
Part 138
Part 139
Part 140
Part 141
Part 142
Part 143
Part 144
Part 145
Part 146
Part 147
Part 148
Part 149
Part 150
Part 151
Part 152
Part 153
Part 154
Part 155
Part 157 (FINALE)
#sniperspy#sniper x spy#tf2 spy#tf2 sniper#bloodysuit#knifeparty#tf2#teamfortress2#comic#webcomic#fanart#tf2 soldier#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#tf2 scout#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 engineer#k90#gay disaster#miserable couple#together forever
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maglor with a lightsaber
(btw i started posting my star wars doodles over at @redbean-nom! definitely not leaving here but i did want to separate my star wars/dnd stuff for ease of organization)
#silm#silmarillion#maglor#star wars#lightsaber#idk what the star wars tags are#based on the expression i am unsure if hes actually a jedi or just managed to Obtain a lightsaber somehow#but if he is hes definitely part of the disaster lineage somehow#if he just found it on the floor then feanors probably off in the background trying to reverse engineer kyber crystals#he doesnt quite get the Force aspect of it but he does end up with Weaponized Silmarils#which is a net positive for him and nobody else#(except maybe earendil at the war of wrath because then he can just stab ancalagon with the silmasaber)
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For the people who read "Fire in the Night" and we were constantly confused because it didn't have any diagrams.
#piper alpha#oil rig#disaster#engineering disasters#fire in the night#stephen mcginty#great book but they shouldn't have skimped on the illustrations
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if I see one more motherfucker acting like burning man is divine retribution against the rich I’m gonna fucking snap. there’s rich douchebags there, yes, but it’s also an art event that’s been running for 30+ years that’s only been picked up by rich people in the last 10 or so. this isn’t fyre fest. even in the modern scene where wealthy people have started showing up, a ticket is just $500 for the whole stay. if you’ve ever been to comic con you’ve probably spent the same amount of money on a shorter event. congrats. call me crazy but I think assigning objective morality to people based on if they like to have drugged up artsy desert sex (or yes, even their wealth. I don’t think you guys understand the difference between being wealthy and being a billionaire) n then wishing divine retribution on them is a major dick move. what are we the catholic church. also the protestors who drove past people whose lives are in active danger are the bad guys in this situation. sorry
#every time smth like this happens I think abt that post that’s like#you understand doctors are wealthy yes. engineers. etc etc#yes there should be a focus on paying other jobs more too but not every rich person is a workforce exploiting ceo#the submarine was funny because it was 5 businessmen paying an obscene price to be in a disaster#this is people of all walks of life paying $500 to do art n ending up in a disaster anyway#civil disk horse
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Making a little CB and a little Electra! I'm liking how these are turning out! =D
#stex#starlight express#lil trains making mini disasters#I'll try to make rusty but i can't promise nothing-#stex cb#cb the red caboose#electra stex#electra the electric engine#art#sculpting#trains#polymer clay#polymer sculpture#toy train
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I think it's time you consider sharing your Duke and Rheneas ship concept (and the pufflings' sabotage efforts!) with the world 🙏
My memory is that they were too cute to languish forever only in DMs
Your memory is correct! And also really good! This conversation was months ago!
But here goes nothing - how I ended up shipping Rheneas and Duke:
It all begins with a certain @jobey-wan-kenobi and shipping Skarloey and Neil. These two are very important for Dukeas (Rhenuke?) - so let's cover them first.
These two are terrible at flirting. Like, legitimately bad. Neil gets a repaint when he's bought by the Crovan's Gate Mining Company (into SKR red!!) and Skarloey attempts to flirt and be suave to capture Neil's heart. Here's how he does:
"I like seeing you in my colour--" So far so good - but the engines don't really have good metaphors for clothes so it sort of falls apart: "--it would look better on... uh... oh..." Human pickup lines don't really work for engines, do they? Neil is so confused, and Skarloey is dying of embarrassment (the fireman said that it would totally work!)
Rheneas laughs himself sick.
Skarloey - after grumbling about Rheneas laughing at him - swallows his pride and asks his brother for help. (Side note - this is where our conversation started. We were talking about how the SKR is more interesting for family-values in the RWS.)
Rheneas has never had a crush before, and so his best idea is:
"Why not ask him to double head a train with you?" Now, those of you who've instantly spotted the problem with narrow gauge Skarloey and standard gauge Neil double heading a train are doing better than these two hopeless idiots.
But Skarloey is not to be deterred! So he builds 'the truck' to pull trains on the standard gauge railway! Ah... but there's not enough traffic for double heading, so none of the managers will allow it.
It's not like Neil is any better though - this is the same boxy engine who saw Skarloey and went "he's so cute, but I'm too ugly for him..." at which point his crew face-palmed. So his crew convinced Neil to invite Skarloey to hang out at the works while he's being repainted into NWR colours (circa 1915). So Skarloey's there when he's sanded down and repainted.
Skarloey gets a nosebleed and passes out.
And Neil thinks that Skarloey just fell asleep! Even as the mechanics at Crovan's Gate are gathering around him to study him because no engine has ever had a nosebleed before, oh my goodness look at our discovery!
These two are disasters.
Peter Sam is no help either. Peter Sam is about as innocent as a three-year-old (Duke was not going to let no dock workers sully His Puffling, thank you very much) so his best advice is to:
"Sing to him!"
"What song?"
"Uh..." Peter Sam doesn't do proper songs, he makes up ditties! What do you mean, wooing the boxy engine involves actually knowing music?
Skarloey just skips over asking Sir Handel for advice. Which is probably for the best, considering Sir Handel's attempt at flirting was to basically stun Gordon by talking his ear off and insulting his own coaches.
Yeah... none of these engines are very good at this.
But yeah, it probably takes until Rusty and Duncan figure themselves out for Skarloey to get some good advice. Cause of all the engines on the SKR, these two are the first to get into an actual relationship (with each other, but it's not Duncan's first, let's be honest). So, here's this centennarian-and-then-some engine that is Skarloey needing his romance to be chaperoned by these two youngsters... AND IT WORKS!
Finally he has the wingengines he needs: a foul-mouthed factory worker and something called a 'diesel'.
And Rheneas is still laughing in the background.
But it works! Skarloey buys some flowers with his driver's money and asks Neil out - and Neil says yes! (Let's all just headcanon that he was the Crovan's Gate Works engine at this point, okay? Okay.) Rheneas's first words upon hearing this are lost to time, but were either "Oh thank God" or "FINALLY!"
He is very lucky that he is at the works and hears about it there, or else he'd have gotten into a massive argument. But at the same time, he's rather sad, cause he's been using this romantic trainwreck as his entertainment for the last 100 odd years, throwing out slightly bogus suggestions to stir up the drama.
These two are going steady enough in 1965 for Skarloey to tease Neil by calling him "ugly but kind" in front of the Reverend - who accidentally takes it to heart.
We are all very lucky that said Anglican Reverend was out of earshot when Neil shot back a quip about nosebleeds.
But this is Rheneas' life up until 1970 - it's spent doing his job and laughing at his brother's absolutely hilarious and terrible love life. But romance? No, it's not in his cards...
And then Duke arrives.
And Rheneas goes “oh no, he’s hot.”
Rheneas immediately goes to his brother - because they're brothers, and they're supposed to help one another - completely forgetting the past 100 years.
Skarloey bursts into laughter. And then tells Neil, who also laughs. Rheneas is humbled with his own crush on Duke - much to his consternation.
But it’s worse cause Rheneas has to deal with two very overprotective children. See, Sir Handel and Peter Sam don't want to share their Granpuff. Cause they see Rheneas as a friend, not a weird step-grandpa, so stop butting in on our family. These boys have Granpuff-related trauma, and they are not handing over their Granpuff to just any old puffball. Duke for his part thinks Rheneas is cute - but his pufflings just keep calling him "a bad influence" - which is hilariously ironic considering Sir Handel.
Of course, being Peter Sam and Sir Handel, they also do their 'sunshine and thunder thing':
"I think it's nice!"
"You WOULD."
Which naturally evolves into good-cop-bad-cop as Peter Sam is swayed by Sir Handel (and a sniggering Skarloey, but Skarloey's always had the best of intentions, right?)
Rheneas takes his own advice and asks to double head a train (cause at least he's the same gauge!) and Sir Handel slots himself in. Duke thinks it's sweet that Sir Handel is trying to spend more time with him. Rheneas is pulling his metaphorical hair out (oh, he knows - but he's also messing with Rheneas. He also talks to Skarloey).
Can you imagine how ridiculous it would be for everyone? Rheneas is just being interrogated in the background while Duke does a deadpan to some documentary crew like he’s in the Office:
“This has been going on for 25 years. I have been dating Rheneas for 20 of those years.”
He has conveniently forgotten to mention this fact to Sir Handel and Peter Sam...
And that should have been that.
Right?
No. Cause then we talked about humanisations - and the story picked back up, only now we have to jump back to the year Duke got together with Rheneas. Now, for some reason or another (I blame the boulder), the entire SKR crew (Neil included) are suddenly turned human. After a few days of figuring out how being human works (cause we take most of three decades before we settle into 'humaning' - these engines are gonna need some help), they begin to act as normally as a bunch of engines-turned-humans can. There was one occasion where Peter Sam bear-walked across the yard because he couldn't figure out how walking worked, and humans have four legs!
"Those are hands."
"Good enough for walking!"
See, the engines pop into being human with bodies and clothes (this is important) - and for the most part, it's pretty stock standard. Rusty has overalls, Duncan has a few piercings, Sir Handel gets wheelie shoes (for his steamroller wheels!) and Duke has a massive overcoat that makes him look - for lack of a better term - rather chubby.
And he does nothing to dissuade the other engines from this line of thinking. On the surface, it makes sense after all! Duke has his large saddle tank, which translated over.
So it comes as a great surprise to everyone when Duke takes off his overcoat after the engine Duncan (who was pulling them in one of the passenger coaches) derails. Duke is not fat - no, he's been hiding tools in his overcoat... like a crowbar. In fact, Duke randomly takes off his shirt too so he can use said crowbar to lever Duncan back onto the rails all by himself (the shirt was... uh... too constricting?).
Rheneas gets a nosebleed - only none of the engines know how human nosebleeds work and panic. This of course tips Duke off that yes, Rheneas does have a thing for him.
So, Duke basically tortures Rheneas for weeks by volunteering to join the track-workers gang, and wearing a singlet and he has arms, why does he have arm muscles he is a steam engine! (I told someone about this, and they said - and I quote: "It's cause they're always pumping iron!")
Duke also keeps Werther's Originals in his overcoat to distribute to both his Pufflings and the local schoolchildren. Rheneas' heart cannot handle the adorableness.
This of course led to Rheneas confessing to Duke in the rain after the stationmaster's cat got lost. Rheneas had thought Duke would think he was cool if he found said cat first and rushed off... and fell into a ditch and sprained his ankle cause he's a human now, and people don't walk normal, why don't they have wheels - (oh wait, that's what trains are for). Rheneas had saved the cat, and then Duke helped him, asked why Rheneas ran off and didn't stick with the search party - and so Rheneas confessed in the moment. Very cliche romantic, but so am I a bit.
So that's how Duke and Rheneas ended up as a couple. A bit of magic, a whole lot of Duke's family torturing Rheneas and a missing cat.
#weirdowithaquill#railway series#thomas the tank engine#fanfiction writer#ttte skarloey#ttte rheneas#ttte duke#ttte neil#ttte peter sam#ttte sir handel#ttte rusty#ttte duncan#ttte skarloey x neil#ttte duke x rheneas#THE PUFFLINGS#long post#very long post#romance on the Skarloey Railway#disaster gays#disaster trains#don't touch Duke or the Pufflings will get you#I blame Jobey for this#Sorry#skarloey railway
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