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yggdraseed · 7 months

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My Deal with Giselle Gewelle

So, let me preface this by saying that I'm trans. I'm not saying that to invalidate the feelings of other trans people, just to specify that mine isn't some outsider's perspective. There's also spoilers for Bleach: TYBW, but I'm guessing that there aren't a lot of interested parties left who don't know about this. You probably also know this goes into transphobia, necrophilia, and rape, but if you don't, uh... trigger warning! Reader beware, you're in for a scare!

Recently, an episode of Bleach: Thousand Year Blood War came out in which noted bitchy asshole who uses too much product Yumichika Ayasegawa misgendered darling, sweet murderous trans babygirl Giselle Gewelle. It's also implied that upon necromancing Bambietta's corpse, Giselle had sex with her, probably against her will. That's all pretty fucked up, and I want to talk about it.

I started my transition about ten years ago, and exposure to trans or gender non-conforming anime and manga characters in general went a long way towards me accepting I was trans. Looking back, Giselle was one of the most significant characters to me at that early stage. I've always loved her design, and she was the first legit trans character I ever really saw and resonated with in anime and manga.

Get this: there used to be this thing in Shonen Jump's manga line-up called the Big Three. The most influential, bestselling manga in the bunch. One Piece, Naruto, and Bleach. And you wanna know something? Bleach was the first one to have a trans woman character. We can debate whether or not Giselle was good representation, but you know what? At the time, the closest we ever got was Haku pulling the "Oh, by the way, I'm a boy" card in Naruto's first major arc back in the early 2000s and a constant bombardment of okama jokes in One Piece. Okama is a derogatory term for gay men and drag queens, and for a long time, Oda could not get enough of making jokes about big, hairy men in women's clothing.

Now there was also Alluka Zoldyck in Hunter X Hunter, but the vast stretches of time Hunter X Hunter spends on hiatus makes it unclear to me whether she or Giselle came first. But within the Big Three - a designation which doesn't mean much now, but meant a ton back then - Giselle was first. Hunter X Hunter was never quite considered part of the Big 3. But either way, I think Alluka is the better character in terms of how her being trans is written. She's cute, she's precious, she's perfect in every way, and I'll make you pay if you say a single bad thing about her.

Years and years later, Oda would go on to write Kikunojo and Yamato. I still have complicated thoughts about Yamato as trans rep, but Kiku is great trans rep for being a relatively minor character. Oda has also phased the okama jokes out of the story over time. Jujutsu Kaisen also has a subtle, but well-handled example of a trans woman in Kirara Hoshi. She doesn't get nearly enough time in the story, and her identity hasn't been explored yet, but I hope GeGe will unpack that before the story's conclusion.

I tell you all of that so you realize that even if Giselle could have been handled better, Kubo was the first of the Big 3 authors to even try to write a trans girl. Not a femboy, not an okama - a trans woman/girl. He also gave us Charlotte Cuulhorne, and while Charlotte's depiction flirts with being just an okama gag and nothing more, she's so fabulous and so positive in her outlook on life that I can't bring myself to be mad.

So let's look at Giselle as a character. She's very cute, with her big eyes and goofy, purposefully adorable mannerisms. None of the other Sternritter girls try to be cute in quite the way Giselle does. Meninas likes cute things, but doesn't act cute, and that's as close as it gets. Unlike the other Femritters, Giselle wears clothes that cover up as much as possible. Even Liltotto's outfit shows off her shoulders and thighs some; Giselle keeps her shoulders and neck completely covered by a baggy sweater, and her legs covered by tights. Kubo drew a swimsuit picture with the Bambis all together, and he opted to put Giselle in a swimsuit with a skirt. It's pretty apparent that Giselle has concerns about how she looks and covers up as much as she can out of dysphoria. As a card-carrying member of the big jacket-long pants-closed toe shoes gang, I can tell you that when you're not very progressed with your transition, it's like that.

I think you can also make the argument that part of why Giselle acts so cutesy is because of her insecurities and feeling like she has to make up for them by being extra, overtly feminine and adorable. It's like that.

There's not a doubt in my mind that Kubo intended for Giselle to be trans. But is she good trans rep? Probably not, but she might not be as bad as she's made out to be.

People who criticize how Giselle is depicted as a trans character have two or three go-to arguments. Three points of interest to say that she's being written in a transphobic way.

1.) Yumichika scopes her out as trans and misgenders her.

2.) Charlotte says she and Giselle have a lot in common.

3.) The most damning: what Giselle does to Bambietta.

So, I've never liked people using Yumichika as a litmus test for how Kubo feels about trans people. Let me explain something to you: Yumichika is a bitch, an asshole, and the consummate gadfly. One of his defining traits is his awful personality and his inability to resist saying cruel, petty things to others. He's awful to Charlotte and he's awful to GiGi, and he's pretty much awful to anyone besides Ikkaku and Kenpachi, but especially Charlotte and GiGi.

Yumichika is an allegory for a closeted gay man. He has this deep admiration, respect, loyalty, and arguably love for Kenpachi and Ikkaku that's led him to stay in the 11th Division even though it's not where his talents are best put to work. He's adept at kido and his zanpakuto is based in kido, but he refuses to use the former or reveal the latter to his squad because he doesn't want them to reject him. The 11th Division is the manly man squad, all testosterone and sweat and bulging muscles and... ahem. Sorry, I got a little carried away. It's all very erotic. Anyways, Yumichika wants to be close to the men with whom he shares a bond of emotion and martial loyalty alike, and he refuses to embrace his gifts because of it. He's afraid his friends in the boys' club will kick him out for having interests and inclinations that most of them look down on.

I think you can make the argument that Yumichika hates Charlotte and Giselle precisely because they're being true to themselves, meaning they've made a leap he hasn't yet. He's too scared of what might happen if he doesn't keep the lie going about his zanpakuto, and he resents Giselle and Charlotte because they overcame a similar fear of rejection. And he expresses that by rejecting their truth, i.e., misgendering them. This is the interpretation I like the best. It's a sad fact that lots of gay men, closeted or otherwise, refuse to accept trans women.

Charlotte says she and Giselle have a lot in common, and honestly, I don't think this is transphobic either. If you choose to read Charlotte as a trans woman who isn't stereotypically feminine, but is true to herself, then what she's stating is just a fact. She and Giselle may not look the same, and Giselle may have an easier time passing, but they're both trans women if you ask me. And I think Giselle reacting with discomfort isn't innaccurate, either. Charlotte's confidence is admirable in some ways, but I think it sets of Giselle's alarm bells that she's going to be outed and rejected. Lots of trans women - myself included - are haunted by this fear that we'll never pass, never be accepted, or will be incapable of retaining our desired presentation as we get older. It's like that.

So, that brings us to the Bambietta Incident. Not quite as wide-reaching as the Shibuya Incident, but about as traumatizing for some, apparently. Full disclosure, I don't believe any heinous acts should be censored from fiction. If it makes you uncomfortable or awakens traumatic memories, then I'm sympathetic to that, but I do not believe that the right answer is to sanitize every work of fiction of every immoral act that could have that effect. You know where your limits are, so don't count on authors to protect you. Most of them won't, and I think you're stronger and smarter and more able to navigate a world with fictitious depictions like that in it than you realize.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Giselle probably sexually assaulted Bambi. And is that right of her to do? Fuck no, it isn't. But nobody's really debating if that's right or wrong. The problem is that if you look at it a certain way, this is just reinforcing the old, awful stereotype of trans women being predators in disguise. Lots of shitty writers have done that, and it sucks.

However, those depictions assume that trans women are predators, by definition. Or at least sexual deviants. We could go down the rabbit hole of how sexual deviancy has historically been defined by people who use sex as a form of control anyway, but I'm not well-read enough to do that and - well, you've seen how long this post is. Be honest, you wouldn't want me to even try.

The point is that a depiction like that assumes trans woman = deviant. I don't want to make that logical leap here, because that means you need to assume that Kubo wrote Giselle with the intention that she assaulted Bambi because she's trans. I'm not a mind reader, so I'm uncomfortable with acting like I can know Kubo's intentions. It's a bad look to us in the Western sphere of the anime fandom, but I'm not sure how Kubo saw it. He might have not realized how it would look until that chapter was out there and he couldn't undo it, but given the fact they kept it in the anime, he either probably doesn't see a problem with it or there were other rewrites he saw as more important to allocate his mental energies to. Writing Bleach burned this man out, so I'll cut him some slack if so.

My point is, I'm not sure if you can say for sure that the story intends you to believe that Giselle assaulted Bambi because she's trans. When you look at it, Kubo seems to have a more in-depth understanding of trans people than some of you might have first realized. And I mean, shit man, he gave her biology manipulation powers. Every trans girl's first pick for super powers is shapeshifting or some form of biology manipulation. He knows. He's onto us. He's familiar with our ways. The jig is up, girls.

Looking at the broader scope of the narrative, Bleach is littered with characters who perform heinous actions and are not just shoved out the "All Villains Die" airlock. Chief example being Mayuri. The man committed war crimes, experiments on human beings, turns his own subordinates into bombs, and is heavily implied to have performed some very sexual deeds to reconstitute his daughter Nemu after Szayel parasitized her. Yet he still saves the day multiple times and he isn't gotten rid of, because he's more useful to the side of overall good alive than dead. Bleach is one of very few series to have characters who perform heinous deeds and still be treated as humans, rather than reducing them to those deeds and nothing else.

Plus, nobody really treats it as an issue with Kubo's writing that Bambietta killed one of her own fellow Quincies in cold blood just to vent her frustrations. I think because it's sexual and because Giselle is trans, she ends up being the lightning rod when... let's be honest, compared to what some of the Shinigami have done, what Giselle did is kind of quaint. She even helps rescue Candice and I think Meninas after they're taken captive by Mayuri in the novels, and she's considering releasing Bambietta from her control.

Given what we've seen, I think it's less accurate to pick on Giselle and try to say she's a case of Kubo being transphobic, and more accurate to say that living in the Shadow Realm under Yhwach's cruel, exploitative regime has made all the Sternritters fucked up in their own unique, vibrant ways. And for that matter, Kubo never kills her off. He clearly likes her enough to want her to still be around after the end of the series.

When you look at how Kubo draws Giselle in the manga and in illustrations after the manga's conclusion, you can tell he enjoys himself when he's drawing her. He always lavishes her facial expressions with detail, and you can feel love radiating off the page. That's more than you can say for a lot of the Quincies. I think Kubo was overjoyed to not have to draw PePe and his Vollständig anymore.

So like, yeah, Giselle is my problematic fave transgender character. And I don't think she's even as problematic as people's kneejerk reactions are to think she is. If you disagree, I don't care, I don't value your opinion. Particularly if you're not trans. If you're an ally, then that's sweet and all, but never try to speak for trans people about depictions of trans characters. If you are trans and Giselle made you uncomfortable, then I'm sorry you feel that way.

#giselle gewelle #bleach #bleach tybw #tybw #tybw spoilers #bleach spoilers #transgender #problematic fave #if you misgender charlotte cuulhorne then god will take seven years off your life and make you go bald #fuck yumichika #but he still has a fresh style #giselle's little dance when she made dead boy dance party skeletons attack ichigo watered my crops and cleared my skin

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timeskip · 2 months

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Here's my quick fast headcanons for HxH characters LGBT identities:

Gon: demiromantic and gay

Killua: mlm (obviously) and probably aspec? Surprisingly my headcanons aren't that solid for him

Kurapika: trans of some flavor, my faves are trans man and transfem nonbinary. My sexuality hc for him changes by the hour though.

Leorio: bi trans man. I refuse to only hc the androgynous twinks as trans men.

Ging: gay and homophobic /j. Sometimes I hc him as cis sometimes I hc him as trans

Pariston: gay and mean about it

Illumi: mlm and extremely cisgender. Refuses to be in a relationship unless it involves murdering each other

Bisky: bi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aroallo too

Kite: aroace. Gender is a huge question mark... I like to think he used to be a trans man though idk if he'd still feel that way

Chrollo: homophobic. Not necessarily straight though. I just think it's funny to call him homophobic.

My actual headcanon for Chrollo is asexual tho

Melody: wlw <3

I don't have any *headcanons* for Alluka but she's obviously canonically a trans girl :)

#hunter x hunter #q

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jgrills · 7 months

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☆DO NOT INTERACT☆☆

-Terfs, homophobes, transphobes, you don't think asexuals nor aromantic people are in the lgbtq+ (cause they are ^^) pretty much LGBT+PHOBIC people

-Racists, proshippers, MAPS (get away), p3dophi@@!$, lolicons, (Also, if you're gonna argue about how I don't like a certain ship, just block me now, don't wanna deal with ya'll).

-sexualize minors, sexist, Islamophobic, Misogynistics, Xenophobic, invalidates a person's pronouns/gender/ or identity.

-IF I BLOCKED YOU ONCE, THATS IT!

-Art thieves, t<u@+ supporter, you like weird ships (like killua and alluka), dream smp fans... just leave now. N@z/, fujoshis (leave..), you like s&lfc$st, you like r@pE (gtfo..)

-'erm..actually ☝️🤓 people' like jesus, let people be immature sometimes. ^^

Biting heads off is common.

#chessbox dni #I'm being serious

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kissimirrit · 2 years

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thoughts on intersex alluka?

i like any and all intersex headcanons because i am intersex and i am starving for rep.

but, when it comes to combining intersexuality and transness, there are always going to be varying degrees of personal opinion. there are going to be trans people who feel like adding intersex headcanons are a way to un-trans a trans character, and there are going to be intersex people who feel like intersex/trans conflation are a way to make a character "biologically intersex" or feel like a cop-out on intersex representation. and then there are people, like me, who are both trans AND intersex, and know that the experience of being trans and intersex can come in a variety of ways.

i don't like stevonnie (steven universe) because it feels like their intersex identity is just an accessory to being transgender, or a way to validate that they are "biologically nonbinary". but there are genuine trans&intersex people who identify with that experience and see themselves as "cis nonbinary" because of the way they view their own personal intersex variation in relation to their gender identity.

for dyadic people making intersex headcanons for trans characters, especially for the first few times, i really recommend you make it in a way that their intersex variation can stand on its own in equal standing to their trans identity. neither one is an accessory to each other, they are full parts on their own. and then afterwards as you get used to the way in which people present their intersex variations in relation to their gender identity, then you can get more and more nuanced.

i think if you're going to this direction, you start off with an actual intersex variation that you can learn about and build off of (which i honestly expect for EVERYONE to do when making trans hcs but.)

some of my personal recommendations:

i like the idea of chimerism for alluka/nanika, i know some chimeric intersex folk who feel like they "talk" to their twin or converse with them, and i feel like the fantasy element of nanika residing in alluka would really fit for that?

but do some research and find something you feel like fits!! [: i gtg to work now

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kamijimoe · 10 months

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thinking about that alluka post, I can't help but feel the explicitness with which alluka is affirmed of her gender identity by killua is togashi's acknowledgment and apology of his handling of trans characters in the past, specifically yyh. and whether he had that in mind or not, it is nice to see the growth of an individual especially one whose work I admire and have it tied so publicly to their work that it's taking a very clear stance

#i also wonder how much of that is influenced by his wife who has famously lgbt coded characters in her work #the dates line up pretty well #ive never seen level e so not sure if theres any trans rep there to compare with either #im also thinking of the sandman and how theyre going to handle wanda... i believe in neil

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mysterypond · 3 years

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HxH Pride

One of the reasons Hunter x Hunter draws so many queer fans is because a lot of the characters are heaily hinted at being lgbtqia+. So, let’s examine some of these options. I’ll break it down into “Basically Canon”, “Heavily Implied” and “Popular Headcanons”.

Basically Canon: Pretty much everyone in fandom agrees about this based on textual evidence.

Heavily Implied: More than half of fandom agrees about this based on textual evidence, not just headcanon.

Popular Headcanons: there isn’t much canon basis however a great deal of the fandom does subscribe to it.

This is going to be a long post so I will put it under the cut.

Note: This post is based off my own interpretation of the manga as well as popular opinions I have come across. I am not claiming any of these characters to be 100% canonically queer as none of them have explicitly said they are.

Basically Canon

Hisoka. While there’s debate if he’s Bi, Pan, Gay, or some other form of Queer in general, pretty much everyone reads him this way. Ignoring the elephant in the room, his desire to fight Chrollo borders on having a crush on him, and by now even if you haven’t read the manga, it’s common knowledge that he’s engaged to Illumi. Some of the speculation on his sexuality comes from if he’s attracted to women or not, since the only lady we really see him interact with is Machi. But I think it’s safe to say he’s some form of mlm. 🏳️‍🌈

Alluka, Killua’s little sister, is read by most fans as a trans girl. Of the family, most of them refer to Alluka with either male pronouns, or as an object, depending on if it’s the sub or the dub. Killua is the only one who refers to her as a girl, stating this to his butlers after they misgender Alluka. Needless to say, if Alluka sees herself as a girl, she’s a girl. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Kite’s current gender identity is unknown. What we do know, though, is that when they talk to the Koala, they use feminine personal pronouns, but when they talk to Gon, they use masculine personal pronouns. This could be because Kite was speaking as the people (Reina, with the Koala, and male Kite, with Gon) to whoever they were talking with, or it could be because they are some form of genderfluid. Because of the combination of body and mind, and the fact we haven’t quite seen them talk and interact more after this, I think it’s safe to say no matter which way Kite swings on the gender spectrum, if any, they fall under the trans umbrella. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Heavily Implied

Illumi doesn’t have as many flags as the other characters, however he is canonically engaged to Hisoka. When this chapter was released, due to Illumi’s personality and functionality, many people suspected that he was only engaged to Hisoka as a “joke” or for convinience sake. Illumi is not seen to make jokes within the context of the manga. He does have a give-and-take relationship with Hisoka, though, which I do think has some merit. I would say, as he is engaged to Hisoka, he is either mlm or he is on the ace spectrum and has a queerplatonic relationship with him. 🏳️‍🌈

Neferpitou’s gender has been up for speculation by fans for a long time. Before Killua compared Pitou to a “mother” during the palace invasion, many fans read Neferpitou as male. There are several scenes in the manga where it appears Pitou has breasts, but in a lot, they don’t. More confusion comes from the fact that Pitou uses masculine personal pronouns. Suffice to say, Pitou has an ambiguous gender, and in the anime world that historically points to “nonbinary.... but we can’t outright say that because censors”. That doesn’t stop a great deal of the fandom from reading them as male, or female, as people will have differing opinions on how to read their gender. Needless to say, they’re at the very least gender nonconforming, which in my book makes them queer. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Killua is heavily implied to have a crush on Gon. One of the most famous scenes surrounding this in the manga is when he tells Meleoron that he and Gon should do a lover’s suicide together. A lot of his behavior, especially in the Chimera Ant Arc comes across as him having a crush on Gon and not knowing how to deal with it. He frequently waxes poetic about his friend, such as in the “Gon, you are light” scene. There’s also a scene in the manga where he gives Gon the rainbow diamond greed island card (If you propose with it, she’s bound to say yes!) as a gift. Proposal... rainbow... Killua, you’re too obvious. 🏳️‍🌈

Kurapika is another character whose gender is up for speculation, some by fans, but some by characters within the show. He’s even shown crossdressing in one scene. He is also one of the only main characters never seen shirtless. Whether he’s just a feminine guy, a trans man, or nonbinary, there’s something queer about his gender, and that’s enough for me to say it’s heavily implied 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

If his rainbow wings weren’t enough to convince you, Shaiapouf has a very strong devotion to the king, in ways that are different than some of the other royal guards. He seems jealous of Komugi, who is the closest person to Meruem. Many fans have speculated that he had a one sided romantic attraction to the king, however, some others have argued that it was programmed into him because of his role as a royal guard. Needless to say, I think the fact that you can refer to him as “the gay butterfly” and everyone knows who you’re talking about is enough to add him to the list 🏳️‍🌈

Uvogin literally kisses Shalnark. Need I say more? 🏳️‍🌈

Popular Headcanons

Kalluto is another character that has an ambiguous gender, but as far as we know, he identifies as male. He does cross dress though, so some popular headcanons are that he’s nonbinary or trans. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

We know Bisky is attracted to men, as seen when she oogles Hisoka by the pond and when she reads her raunchy magazines when Gon and Killua train. But why make Cookie-Chan a hot younger woman who gives massages unless she was attracted to women as well! She could have easily made Cookie-Chan a dude, but did not. Bisky certainly puts the Bi in Bisky. 🏳️‍🌈

This list wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention THE hunter himself, Gon Freeccs. Due to the prevalence of Killugon in the fandom, many people headcanon that he has a crush on Killua back. Though there’s a separate side of the fandom that actually suggests he’s potentially aroace. Though he has “experience” with women on whale island, he doesn’t come across as interested in romance at all, and only goes on a date with Palm because she was his friend. He even mentions that he wasn’t friends with the one other kid on the island because “she was a girl” so likely didn’t have a crush on her either. 🏳️‍🌈

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telehxhtrash · 4 years

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I tend to see a lot of people say that Togashi will leave things uncertain and ambiguous in between Killua and Gon, and while it’s a possibility, I honestly don’t think it’s the most likely thing to happen, and if it did, ambiguous wouldn’t be the correct term to call it.

People often say that Togashi likes to play with ambiguity when it comes to queer matters. Yes, Togashi likes to play with gender. We get to see that through Kite, Pitou and Kalluto in HxH (although its arguable because Kite is definitely not cis). But when Togashi decides that a character is queer, or that there is a relationship going on between two characters, he doesn’t leave it ambiguous.

Togashi has created queer characters in 3 of his main works : Yu Yu Hakusho, Level E and Hunter x Hunter. And everytime he created those characters, he made damn sure that everyone knew that these characters were queer. No room for any sort of ambiguity.

The first examples I have are from Yu Yu Hakusho, with a character named Miyuki, and the other is from Level E, with a character named Kyoko Mikihisa.

For these two characters, Togashi made it so that they emphasized themselves that they were trans. It’s painted extremely clearly, that they were born in the wrong body. There’s literally no room for any sort of ambiguity here.

Togashi could’ve easily kept things ambiguous. There are plenty of ways he could’ve done it, keeping the character’s gender confusing. But he didn’t. He made it EXTRA clear that these characters were trans. This is mostly why I genuinely don’t believe you can describe Togashi’s queer rep as “ambiguous”. Because when the characters tell you themselves that they are, it’s canon. It’s not ambiguous.

Now, sometimes, Togashi likes to play it more subtle. He doesn’t make his characters say “I’m gay” or “I’m trans”, but he finds another way to say it.

In YYH, Togashi wrote a gay character : Itsuki. And he’s canonically gay, because when talking about another man, Sensui, he mentions that he sees him as a lover.

It’s subtle. It’s not ambiguous.

Same thing for Alluka, Alluka never comes on screen and says “I’m a trans girl !”. The reason we know that Alluka is canonically a trans girl is because the Zoldycks insist on misgendering her, while Killua emphasizes that she’s a girl.

And once again, it’s subtle. Not ambiguous. Even though I’ve seen a lot of redditors say that “Alluka’s gender is ambiguous”, Togashi is literally doing his utmost to highlight subtly that yes, Alluka is a trans girl.

But subtlety is not canon’s enemy. Not everything has to be painted clearly for it to be canon. Sometimes, you just have to piece every little clue together yourself. Just because the word “trans” is never canonically stated in HxH concerning Alluka, it doesn’t make her any less of a trans girl. Because as the audience, we UNDERSTOOD from the subtext and from the clash in gendering that she is trans.

So, yes, Togashi likes to be subtle. But subtlety doesn’t make things any less canon.

I’m drifting a bit to non-queer matters, but I also want to talk about two relationships in Togashi’s work that were canonically romantic, but subtle.

The first is Meruem and Komugi. It’s canon that the nature of their relationship was romantic. They never did couple-y things, or even kissed. But it doesn’t make the nature of their relationship ambiguous. Because it was once again, subtle, but drowning in subtext that Togashi deliberately put there.

Togashi paralleled Killua saying that him dying with Gon would be a shinjuu (lover’s suicide), only for it to not happen in the end - but Togashi wanted to throw that word in. So we could have it at the back of our heads. Because when Meruem and Komugi died, it was a shinjuu. It was two lovers dying by the same method with the belief that they’d be united in the afterlife. Meruem only cared about spending his last moments playing with Komugi. They both said that they were only born to experience this moment, of being in pure bliss as they die together. When Komugi replies to Meruem and says that she’ll join him in death, she uses an old phrasing used to accept marriages proposals. They died holding hands.

It was subtle, but canon. Because of all these clues and all the subtext Togashi planted, it is undeniable that their relationship was romantic. And they never kissed, never said “i love you”, but we still know : and that’s the beauty of subtlety.

Because yes, romance can be subtle AND canon.

Another example of a canon romantic relationship that was never officialized by a kiss : Keiko and Yusuke in Yu Yu Hakusho. Correct me if I’m wrong, but while they kissed in the anime, they never kiss in the manga.

But a relationship doesn’t need to be canonized by a kiss. I’ve never seen/read YYH, but while I was doing research, I read that their relationship grew naturally over the course of the manga. That they grew together, were affectionate with each other, but never told each other the nature of their feelings. Until one specific moment towards the end of the manga where this happens:

All of this came naturally. No big confession, just a confirmation of what they both felt. And no kiss either ! No hand holding, no true “romantic” actions, either before or after that chapter. Just feelings. I’m quoting one of the post I used as reference, but “On one hand it's beautiful to finally hear it, but on the other, it's not even surprising. You find yourself caught off guard by how easily you're willing to accept that these two have felt this way throughout the entire series.”

And while it’s subtle, because you’d expect at least a kiss or something, it’s canon and undeniable that their relationship is romantic. It’s clear that the two of them are in love, even if they never kissed. Because it was clear from the beginning that this was where their relationship was going : all the building up to that one moment where they both basically tell each other “oh yeah, btw, i love you”. A simple confirmation of what they both knew, and of what we as readers knew too.

I guess my point is that Togashi can insist on the nature of his characters and relationships. He insisted that Miyuki, Mikihisa and Alluka were trans. But sometimes he also likes to be subtle, and not put everything plainly. But the subtlety doesn’t discredit its the canon legitimacy.

Now, onto what it means for Killua and Gon.

I emphasized that Togashi liked to highlight when his characters are queer. There are absolutely NO DOUBTS that Miyuki and Alluka are trans girls, Mikihisa a trans man and that Itsuki was gay. It’s in canon. But they were all brought up differently, and it was either confirmed by them saying it themselves or by the context and subtext surrounding their queer identity.

But Togashi never left it ambiguous. We always had canon confirmation that they were queer. What I’m saying is, there’s a very, very high probability that Killua is gay and in love with Gon. We’ve seen it in the incredible amount of subtext deliberately placed by Togashi. And like I said, Togashi never left the nature of his queer characters ambiguous. So it’s highly likely that Togashi will confirm in canon at some point that Killua is gay.

Now, while it’s likely Togashi will canonize Killua being queer plainly by either him saying it or subtext (just like Alluka), it doesn’t mean that his relationship with Gon will be canonized plainly too.

I mentioned earlier that Komugi/Meruem and Keiko/Yusuke’s relationships were subtle, while undeniably romantic. So maybe this will be the case for Killua and Gon’s relationship too. It looks like Togashi’s style for writing romance is show, not tell, thus making it a possibility that it’ll be the same for Killua and Gon.

But I can assert with 100% certainty that Togashi will NOT leave their relationship ambiguous. Maybe it’ll be subtle, but NOT ambiguous. Just like Meruem/Komugi and Yusuke/Keiko.

Killua and Gon’s relationship is the backbone of HxH, and it’s very clear that Togashi’s intent from the beginning of the story was to canonize it as a love story. When Togashi wrote Killua, he incorporated elements of Tanabata, a legend about two lovers, in his story, and made Tanabata his birthday. Togashi queer coded Killua from the beginning, and I honestly doubt that he would never canonize it, when it was his intent to queer code him from the beginning. He made the both of them have an extremely deep relationship, being each other’s most important person. Combine this with all the subtext, and yeah, it’s pretty clear that HxH is a love story.

So yes, Togashi wouldn’t leave ambiguous something he planned from the beginning of the story. Especially since HxH is his first chance at writing a manga and being able to do everything he wants with it. Especially when Togashi’s gay manga got turned down 30 years ago.

I mentioned Togashi never leaving stuff ambiguous, but rather either putting it plainly or more subtly. And honestly, I’m thinking it’s going to be a mix of both for Killua and Gon. A mix of subtlety and undeniable proof of the romantic nature of their relationship. Exactly like Yusuke and Keiko’s relationship.

I feel like Killua and Gon’s relationship perfectly mirrors Yusuke and Keiko’s, and I can totally picture it following the same patterns. By having their relationship grow even deeper as they reunite, with no explicit romantic gestures, just deep, deep feelings. Until ultimately, they both confirm it one way or another.

I could literally picture Gon turning to Killua, telling him out of the blue something they’ll do when they get married, Killua being confused but Gon saying something like “Well, I wanna get married to you Killua. Don’t you want to?” and Killua almost choking but saying that yeah, he’d like that. Plain and simple. No romantic gesture. No kiss, no hand holding, no feelings confession under the stars. Just a mutual assessment of what they both already knew.

But honestly, I’m saying all this to try and be objective, but I’m not in Togashi’s head. Togashi could also very much go absolutely crazy and make Killua and Gon share a kiss, hold hands, affirm their love out loud, Because it’s his first chance at being free to do what he wants with his manga. And because he’s been wanting to draw a gay manga for a while, he might want to emphasize that HxH is queer.

Especially when it seems like Togashi likes to incorporate shoujo elements in his work.

And as @/sincerelysamedt mentioned in her wonderful post, queer relationships are often dismissed as platonic in media, and that it’s important to overplay it to canonize it efficiently. And Togashi is probably aware of this. Hence Killua’s stuttering, blushing, the constant gay poetic lines Gon tells Killua about how he’s so glad he met him, Killua’s inner monologues comparing Gon to light itself, multiple characters highlighting their mutual love, a date under the stars where they mutually affirm their want to stay together and travel the world while they both blush.........Togashi didn’t have to go THIS hard, but he did.

These panels highlight the difference between the subtle relationships I talked about above. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Togashi represented Yusuke or Keiko having internal monologues about how they wanted to stay with the other forever or poetically comparing each other to light. It proves that while Togashi likes to play it subtle, he's also not afraid to put extremely cliché shoujo tropes and heartfelt moments in his narrative too. Maybe he’s aware that internalized homophobia might pose a problem to the narrative he’s trying to convey, and thus he might be enclined to overplay it.

When you keep in mind that Togashi most likely wrote Killua and Gon with the intent of making their relationship a love story, you can see that he’s never really written with the intent of being ambiguous or even subtle, providing us with multiple intense scenes of mutual devotion. And that’s one thing that’s leading me to believe he wouldn’t shy away from delivering highly emotional scenes that would canonize their mutual love. Because their relationship has never truly been portrayed as subtle, or ambiguous, it’s just.... developing.

So yeah, it could go either way ! Either Togashi will decide to paint it subtly like every relationship he’s painted in the past, or he’ll either decide to go all out and maybe show us an extremely heartfelt confession under the stars, maybe even an on-screen kiss (the latter option being highly likely considering all the very emotional scenes between them we’ve already had) - (EDIT : i wrote a post on why i believe there’ll be an explicit confession if you want to read it !)

But one thing is certain : it will never stay ambiguous, because Togashi has never painted any of his queer characters or the relationships between his characters as ambiguous, Subtle, yes. Ambiguous, no.

#hxh #hxh meta #meta #my meta #killugon #ok hi hello this is my attempt at trying to stay optimistic #full disclaimer that i am not togashi and therefore i dont know wtf is gonna happen #but im pretty sure that togashi wouldnt leave this ambiguous #when u look at his past history and writing style and the context of hxh #when u see how apeshit he went with all the romantic scenes in hxh #imo killugon is not ambiguous its literally just developing #and togashi has NEVER left major relationships ambiguous in his works #he wouldnt leave the backbone of his manga ambiguous #especially when hes planned to canonize it from the beginning #hes just taking his time to portray it in a very heartfelt and natural way #but i have no doubt in my mind that by the end of hxh itll be undeniable #just like his past portrayal of relationships and queer characters #im HOPEFUL #and he might do like his wife did : emphasize the canon legitimacy in an interview

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mogamifucker666 · 3 years

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sketchy

some Zoldyck family thoughts/headcanons:

i wish Kikyo (mom) was more interesting.. i feel like she’s a minor character i would latch on to and develop more. i imagine her influencing the boys to be open to feminine presentation because she doesn’t have any children she considers a daughter but still.. wants that? so she plays around with feminine appearances on the boys and thereby opens them up to femininity/gnc appearances.

and, like, yes, Alluka, and babygirl i love you and i am sorry about your oddly unwoke family, but that’s the thing. Kalluto presents femininely (and might also be trans but by all accounts he is crossdressing as far as i can tell? love that for him) and this is feminine presentation is supported by Kikyo and everyone else, and Alluka is allowed to present how she wants. So not conforming to masculine appearances is obviously okay but everyone (except Killua) can’t get on board with Alluka’s gender identity. funky. oddly fresh. i’m intrigued.

Killua is the only one i could see being like “no mom, do not put me in a dress or braid my hair.”

anyway

i hate Silva’s shitty pointy grease bangs. why, when he has that beautiful lion’s mane? i can’t stand for it.

Milluki and Illumi have their mother’s eyes.

most of the kids have her nose but Illumi has Silva’s angular nose.... thank u

additionally if you don’t draw Illumi with the scary eyes i cannot fucking relate..... i hate it so much... you cowards..

i do not know how to draw children but i am doing my best

i would like to thank the Zoldyck family for their random spicy outfit changes throughout the series

thank You for coming to my Zoldyck family ted talk

#hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #hxh #killua #illumi #zoldyck family #my art #murder family is my fave

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gallyl · 3 years

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How Killua lost Alluka (meta)

There is a lot of mystery about Alluka. We leaned about her from Illumi’s POV. Illumi’s POV does not represent Alluka’s full life story. It's Illumi’s flashback, a description of her “powers”. As an outsider, he gives a superficial glance at the relationship between the siblings. We don’t see how badly Killua suffered when she was forced to kill, discarded and locked up forever. We never learned the whole picture YET. But there are subtle details that shed the light on the family secrets!

In this amazing essay about Alluka’s gender identity, there is a paragraph on Page 16:

Killua has been kept away from Alluka both physically and mentally via Illumi’s needle (Killua states his suspicion of this in chapter 322 on page 3, and it is generally accepted by fandom to be Togashi-sensei’s statement of the reasoning as there is no other explanation offered).

I support this idea wholeheartidly. The needle was inserted most likely before the family photo was taken. In this photo, Killua has dead fish eyes and is docile in the arms of the mother he hates. Alluka is wondering in the background: she is no longer his sister or a part of the family.

Milluki - and later Killua - indicate his love for Alluka as the reason why he was mentally restricted:

Alluka “controls the whole family dynamics”, and Killua may not realise how much his own life was twisted. In additon to the needle, his family probably commited one more crime to separate them.

Does anyone else find it weird that Killua couldn’t remember his age at which he learned darts?

After this panel the chapter ends. And why is Killua confused? What’s the importance of his confusion? Does Togashi want to prove he’s so cool he doesn’t even care? But Killua is smart, good at math and remembers his biography well: he says he started the assasin training at the age of 3, he was sent to Heaven’s arena at the age of 6, and... hey?!

Killua remembers clearly that his training lasted from age 6 to 8. So, his darts course (“6 or 7?”) contradicts the training time at Heaven’s arena (6 and 7). Because Killua is confident about the training period at Heaven’s arena, let’s assume it is correct. This indicates that he mastered darts at the age of 6 and travelled to Heaven’s arena when he was still 6.

Also, there is evidence in Chapter 322 that Killua learned darts before travelling to Heaven’s arena:

After Killua revealed this secret, Alluka was locked up. Later the family considered her too dangerous and decided keep her imprisoned forever... Do you notice the connection now?

I suggest the following chain of events:

Killua learns darts

Alluka is imprisoned temporarily, then permanently

Killua rebells against this decision in all sorts of crazy Killua ways (incl. su**ide attempt?)

Silva orders to insert a needle and sends him into exile - Heaven’s arena.

The needle was used to tame rebellious Killua and separate him mentally from Alluka. The Heaven’s arena was used to separate him physically from her. This chain of events looks consistent with the timeline. I can add more arguments:

Silva accompanied Killua to Heaven’s arena personally, it was not a guardian brother Illumi

Killua said that he ALWAYS stayed in the Zoldyck mansion and had homeschooling.

There’s no information about other siblings having the same training in the Heaven’s arena

If Killua was gifted a “special training” as a future heir, he could get a high-quality training in a good place, not waste time on average fighters. Killua had to finish training at floor 199 to avoid nen users. This made his studies even more useless.

Killua was a family heir and extremely talented, but he was nenless and too young (6 years old), even younger than Zushi (11 years old), to fight there, wasn’t he?

...or was it the intention to keep him away from home as long as possible? To forget Alluka? Two years is a long time, as was noted by Gon immediately (“That long? Sure, Killua was only 6 but still...”).

All Zoldycks use nen. But Killua never heard of it! The reason of his ignorance is that nen must serve the family profession. But Killua was developing differenty, there was too much “light” inside to create murderous nen (like Illumi’s needles). His kindness was so bright, and his love for Alluka for strong and rebellious, that Silva cancelled nen studies and froze Killua’s mind and heart. He waited coldly and cruelly, when Killua could grow up and have a needle removed without subsequent regression back into his former self.

Heaven’s arena made Killua weak. With a needle in his head, he relearned to become a self-protective fighter who runs away at the slightest suspicion of danger. Without Alluka, he became lonely and insecure. He lost all his mental support.

Silva understood his son’s gentle nature and concealed dark intentions behind “kindness”. That’s why Killua remembers the “training” in Heaven’s arena peacefully. He father looked so generous, gave his son big freedom, a chance to prove himself and earn pocket money. But, in truth, this training was absolutely destructive. Killua hates his mother for what she did to Alluka but he doesn’t bear the same resentment for his father until a much later realization of his crimes.

Luckily, as we know, Killua uses Zoldyck family’s tricks and traditions against them. When he ran away from home and had nowhere to go, he followed the same pattern and applied for the Hunter exam to prove his strength. And then he returned to Heaven’s arena and got a real nen training with Wing and Gon.

Zoldyck children's names were given by a game of shiritori. Maybe Silva and Illumi went as far as to call Killua "Killu", because letter "A" refers to Alluka and the memory of her had to be erased in all ways.

In conclusion, Killua probably had a memory vacuum around the darts training time, because this memory had Alluka, while his brain was still unfreezing & occupied with other issues. He remembered Alluka only when it became absolutely necessary to remember. There could be one more reason for Alluka to return to his mind: let’s suggest that the fear of losing Gon triggered traumatic memories of losing Alluka. Possibly, he remembered Alluka first of all as someone dear like Gon, while her ability to heal was a secondary idea.

Alluka was born, when Killua was only two years old. They were together basically since birth. Illumi and Milluki brothers were much older and constantly preoccupied with themselves, so Alluka became his little sister and first friend. In Illumi’s memories Killua and Alluka spend all the time together, they are inseparable.

Alluka was the first human who loved Killua and let him know that love exists. Thanks to her he found the courage to search for love in the outer world. He befriended Gon because they were the same age, but he loved Gon because Gon, like Alluka, was kind. And not only did Gon compensate for Alluka’s absence, he became his lifetime friend, a saviour, and... returned him back to Alluka.

When the manga continues, we’ll have a complete arc about Alluka and Nanika, that will wrap up the Zoldyck family story. Because, after all, Alluka is the one who “rules” this family.

#Killua Zoldyck #Alluka Zoldyck #Alluka meta #hxh meta #hxh #gally meta

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aloeverified · 3 years

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alluka’s great trans representation, but nanika’s apart of the reason why she is. nanika was a metaphor for being trans, and the way nanika & alluka were treated was a metaphor for transphobia.

i'm not going to go into detail, but killua accepts nanika for who she is and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her while also being the only one who accepts alluka’s gender identity. he also wanted nanika to stay hidden for alluka’s safety, which is a reason many trans people hide the fact that they're trans.

#tw transphobia #transphobia tw #alluka zoldyck #alluka and nanika #killua zoldyck #hunter x hunter #hxh

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hamliet · 3 years

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Btw, Isn't Kalluto also a transgender character or I am wrong? His family don't seems to have a problem with Kalluto about it from what I remember. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that with Illumi at least the problem he has with Alluka seems to be more about him seeing her as a big threat to the family and the family is everything to Illumi. 1/2

Of course, we still see him not bothering in respect Alluka's gender identity, but I feel that this is much more a consequence of him seeing her as a threat to the family(and because of that, don't considering her part of his family) than the opposite. 2/2

So Kalluto is not transgender, at least not that we know of! He’s just a very feminine boy, but as far as we know he identifies as male who just prefers feminine clothing. That said, I agree with you—with the Zoldycks, it’s more about the threat to their family than anything else. But it’s still wrong, and Killua’s forceful insistence that Alluka’s identity be respected is lovely.

#ask hamliet #Kalluto Zoldyck #hah

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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FEATURE: Here are 9 Trans Anime Characters to Celebrate Transgender Awareness Month

As we come to the end of Transgender Awareness Month, there’s a lot to account for within the community. During this time, we take a moment to mourn trans lives past and present who were lost to violence and oppression, but we also celebrate the amazing strides that we continue to make around the world. All in all, we bring a spotlight to trans culture in all shapes and forms throughout the month of November.

In the spirit of Transgender Awareness Month, we’re taking a look at some of the positive representation of trans people in our favorite anime. Trans anime characters are more prominent than people might realize, between recurring characters in popular anime who have their own compelling arcs and shows that portray thoughtful and insightful explorations of gender. They’ve been superheroes, pop idols, magical familiars, and often flaunt their identities with grace and strength.

Let’s close off Transgender Awareness Month with a bang by celebrating some wonderful and inspiring anime characters who have carved their place in positive trans representation.

Fire Emblem (Tiger and Bunny)

Image via BN Pictures

Among the league of sponsored superheroes protecting Sternbild City in this 2011 sci-fi romp, Fire Emblem is easily the most eccentric of them all. While their depiction in the initial series left a lot to be desired, the pyrokinetic hero received a rather compelling arc in the 2014 movie.

In their childhood, Nathan Seymour was the target of hate and ridicule for wanting to present more feminine. That harassment followed them well into their adult years as they tried to come even further out of the closet with the way they dressed. Having overcome all of that, Fire Emblem went on to become one of the most successful heroes in the city in a Cinderella story that’s both emotional and inspiring.

Lily Hoshikawa (Zombie Land Saga)

A recent and very prominent example of transgender anime representation, Lily Hoshikawa displays all of the trademarks of the transgender experience. She has a deadname, dysphoria over her changing body that actively led to her death, and relief in the fact that she no longer has to worry about male puberty in her undead state. As a zombie, Lily projects tons of confidence and affirmation in her gender identity and uses that energy to help propel her idol unit to stardom.

Desmond (Carole and Tuesday)

Image via Netflix

Though a relatively minor character in Shinichiro Watanabe’s 2019 musical anime, Desmond was portrayed as a popular and influential artist in the Martian music industry. Due to some sort of influence from the planet itself, they began to display male and female characteristics in their body. It placed a strain on their body, but they were also able to use the experience to revitalize music on Mars as a whole. There’s nothing better than seeing a trans person rise to success.

Sailor Starlights (Sailor Moon)

Image via Hulu

Among the many groundbreaking examples of feminism and LGBTQ+ representation shown in one of the most iconic magical girl anime of all time, the Sailor Starlights stand out as remarkable trans heroes. Introduced in the fifth and final season of the original series (which got its first official US release as recently as 2019), the Starlights are a team of Sailor Soldiers who disguise themselves as a popular boy band among civilians. Having heroes who consistently switch genders to save the day and kick butt doing it is nothing short of awe-inspiring among transgender fictional characters.

Ruby Moon (Card Captor Sakura)

One of Eriol Hiiragizawa’s magical familiars came in the form of Ruby Moon, who disguises herself as Nakuru Akizuki when interacting with humans. Though she uses female pronouns on a regular basis, she actively and proudly wields her agender identity among others. It’s not often that a character in a children’s anime can be that open with their gender identity, so it’s immeasurably special when someone like Ruby Moon can.

Everyone in Wandering Son

The beauty of this unsung 2011 gem is its focus on gender exploration among adolescents as a major subject matter. Wandering Son offers its characters a chance to discover and cultivate their sexuality in safe and welcoming environments; a feat that’s rare enough in pop culture to begin with, let alone in anime. Aside from some regular human drama, the young students are able to present as feminine or as masculine as they like as they discover what it truly means to be their truest and most genuine versions of themselves.

Alluka (Hunter x Hunter)

Among the enormous and eclectic cast of characters in this long-running series, Alluka stands out as a transgirl who plays a major role in the final arc of the 2011 anime. Alluka Zoldyck is the youngest sibling of Killua and was assigned male at birth. She also carries within her a spirit who she wants people to acknowledge and accept as part of her identity. Though she is consistently misgendered and mistreated by the rest of her family, Killua always makes it a point to defend and enforce her gender identity and welcomes every aspect of her personality with open arms. Otherwise, she has a significant arc throughout the series in which she is the only person who can save Gon during a major crisis.

Alluka is also regarded as the culmination of the original manga creator's experience in portraying trans characters in his work. Previously known for far more problematic depictions of trans characters in popular works like Yu Yu Hakusho, Yoshihiro Togashi has made it a point to consistently explore gender and further his knowledge on it throughout his career. After decades of trial and error, Alluka is easily the most nuanced and thoughtful depiction of a trans girl whose exploration is as insightful as it is cathartic.

Kikunojo (One Piece)

In this writer's opinion, One Piece's track record for transgender representation is questionable at best, if its overt reliance on gay and trans caricatures for comedy and spectacle is any indication. Enter the Wano arc, where the anime’s apparent 180 on trans characters has resulted in the most sensitive and refined depictions of trans characters in the iconic pirate anime’s long-running history.

As one of the strongest samurai in the nation of Wano, Kikunojo has a strong sense of justice and a will to protect her country. Despite her renown as a male warrior, she describes herself as “a woman at heart” and presents progressively more feminine as she teams up with the Straw Hats against the tyrants residing over Wano. In a rare occurrence for One Piece, her gender identity is never brought up for ridicule. Instead, she is revered for her beauty and is able to fight on equal footing with some of the most powerful samurai and pirates in the world. As far as One Piece's previous failed attempts at trans representation go, Kikunojo is easily a breath of fresh air in terms of her strength and characterization.

Hana (Tokyo Godfathers)

Image via GKIDS Films

In Satoshi Kon’s award-winning tragicomedy, Hana is a compelling character marked by tragedy and determination. As a former drag queen, the culture she found herself in helped to inform the identity she displays even as she becomes homeless. Despite some ignorant statements from her cohorts, she still has her own community that loves her and welcomes her in her entirety.

In the 2019 English dub, she was even voiced by Shakina Nayfack, a rising Jewish transgender actor.

Anime has made many leaps and bounds in transgender representation. Like any form of media, there are always improvements to be made in equal and fair portrayals of trans characters. But from the most popular show to unsung but lovely little gems, trans representation can be found everywhere if you know where to look. Transgender Awareness Month is a time to honor heroes who live in and around and all over the gender spectrum, and our favorite anime characters are no different!

What are some of your favorite moments of representation in anime? What do you think shows could be doing better in the future? Comment below with your thoughts!

Carlos (aka Callie) is a freelance features writer for Crunchyroll. Their favorite genres range from magical girls to over-the-top robot action, yet their favorite characters are always the obscure ones. Check out some of their pop culture editorials on Popdust as well as their satirical work on The Hard Times.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Carlos Cadorniga

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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sokkarang · 4 years

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alluka, nanika, and a trans experience

As a preface, I should note that I am transgender.

Another preface - this is not a discussion of whether or not Alluka Zoldyck is transgender. She is and that’s that.

I recently completed Hunter x Hunter (2011) for the first time. Going in, I was aware of Alluka, but I was skeptical about how an older cis man (Togashi) and the production company (Madhouse) would handle a canon transgender character. I was skeptical because I have seen so few trans characters in any form of media and those I have seen are not always treated well in their narratives. I was wary because I’ve known fandoms to inflate certain aspects of character to the level of “fanon” despite what exists in canon. How would I, a transgender person, actually feel about Alluka?

As it turns out, I had/have many feelings about her and upon my completion of the anime, the feeling I that most accurately summarizes it all is familiarity.

TW: Mentions of personal experiences with transphobia and lack of family acceptance, as well as the transphobia in HxH.

Whether you’re a trans person who feels you were born into the wrong body... or you feel your body outgrew the social conditioning and gendering forced upon it... or you found yourself drawn to gender nonconformity in other ways, one thing is certain for essentially all trans people: there’s You and then there’s the “you” other people perceive. The two don’t always match up the way we’d like, especially in the early stages of transition (medically or non-medically). If you’re trans, your identity inside does not align with aspects of your outside self. This is the definition of being transgender. While I know there is a great deal of variance and diversity in the community and as such I can’t say this is “the” trans experience, but “a” trans experience, I feel we all share a piece of this struggle.

Alluka Zoldyck’s narrative encompasses this struggle. To me, Alluka and her shared identity, Nanika, symbolize the sometimes difficult duality that comes with being trans.

There are issues with the ideology that asserts a trans person lives as “multiple people,” but there is truth in that many trans folks have to maintain multiple versions of themselves for safety reasons. (NOTE: This is not meant to dismiss trans folks who identify with multiple genders or trans folks who live with DID).

The reality is, many trans people have to keep their true self, their trans identity, a secret. From employers, school, partners, friends, doctors, etc. Many, many trans people have to keep their identity a secret from their families. This may stem from a fear that they won’t be accepted if they come out. Perhaps it’s a fear of abuse or of getting in trouble. A fear of losing support – financially, emotionally. For many trans people, these fears force them to live in the closet, go stealth, or need to shift between the true self and the untrue self dependent on the situation. This can be stressful, difficult in some cases, and near impossible in others.

We know Alluka is forced into isolation by her biological family and kept secret from the rest of the world. There are obvious LGBT+ readings to the metaphors of her isolation. However, I find myself most drawn to the meaning of not necessarily Alluka, but of Nanika who exists inside Alluka. As a trans person, I do relate to Alluka, but I feel a particular deep and complicated resonance with the subtleties exhibited by Nanika’s character.

Nanika is separate from Alluka as her own cognizant person, but also shared in Alluka’s physical body. Alluka’s actions inform Nanika’s life and Nanika’s actions inform Alluka’s life. They are both the same person and two entirely different individuals. This concept feels very trans. I would even argue that this may be a concept that specifically resonates with the trans community. Remember the definition of transgender and the two versions of “you”? One you is your identity which exists inside, the other is your outside self perceived by others.

The Zoldycks fear what exists inside Alluka and consider her so dangerous they are willing to go to extreme lengths to keep Nanika hidden from others. Some even want her dead. They refuse to call Nanika by a real name. They refer to her as a “thing,” an “abomination,” and other dehumanizing terms. Do you get where I’m going with this yet? Nanika is a metaphor for a trans experience.

I’m not going to attempt to explain Nanika’s origins or her powers, because frankly, that doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is the very short, but meaningful arc Nanika is given in the end of Hunter x Hunter and the message her arc signifies.

After Alluka is freed from isolation by Killua, strict rules regarding exposure to her are enforced to keep Nanika from coming out. The other Zoldycks want to return Alluka to isolation and/or kill her to prevent her powers (which involve Nanika) from emerging ever again.

To me, this plot feels personally familiar. It’s a lot like when I first began my transition and my family wished to ignore it, to keep it a secret, to fight it with everything they had. My family insisted on using my deadname. The Zoldycks refuse to properly name Nanika. It took years for my family to use the correct pronouns. The Zoldycks always misgender Alluka and won’t gender Nanika at all. My family set rules against me using my preferred name and pronouns, discussing my transition, having short hair, and wearing masculine clothes when attending family gatherings -- all so I would still be perceived as cis. Alluka and Nanika’s characters are convoluted with rules specifically in place to make her easier to deal with around others. My family, in denial, told themselves my transition wasn’t “real” so they would feel better about themselves. The Zoldycks constantly assert they don’t know where Nanika came from -- that it was certainly not from them. I was disowned for a period of time. The Zoldycks do not consider Alluka or Nanika part of the family. This is my experience, “a” trans experience, but it is an unfortunately common experience for those in the transgender community.

But wait, this is sad... what about the meaningful character arc?

While everyone in Alluka’s life insists she hide Nanika inside, one person does not and that is, of course, Killua. Killua talks to Nanika and plays with her like a sibling would. He gives her affection, praise, and reassurance (head pats). He calls her by a name (even if it’s not a very humanizing name) and he uses the she/her pronouns Alluka uses for Nanika. While Killua does use Nanika for her powers, which is rather unfortunate in my opinion, he tries to respect her more than anyone else in her life ever does. Up until he doesn’t.

After granting Killua’s wish at the end of the series, Nanika is told to go back inside Alluka and never come out again. The language is important here, because at least in the English sub, it repeats the phrase “come out” over and over. I seriously do not believe this is a coincidence. There were other ways to phrase the same thing, but these words were chosen.

For Nanika (”Something” in English) to hear the one person, who she believes loves and accepts her, say she should go back to not existing feels a lot like someone telling a trans person to stop being trans. It feels like someone telling that trans person they should not come out of the closet and must hide who they are. It reinforces those fears of not being accepted, getting in trouble, and losing support.

But Nanika, who is shown to be vulnerable, gentle, and kind (unlike how her biological family perceives her), obeys Killua’s request. So, she disappears back into Alluka. But this is not where it ends, and this was truly the point I felt Togashi and Madhouse did the trans community justice.

Alluka, who we had never seen complain or talk back to her brother before now, stands up tall and tells Killua how much his words hurt Nanika. This is a huge deal. It’s huge because we rarely see transgender characters in media (especially anime) be unapologetically angry about their mistreatment and DEMAND better.

Alluka is also a child and this action shows audiences that trans children deserve respect and acceptance as much as trans adults do. Alluka demands better treatment of Nanika from Killua. It’s not a request or a hint. It’s a demand. (NOTE: Since Alluka’s powers are enacted by demands, this could be confused as part of her powers, but the difference in Alluka’s behavior and wording here versus previous scenes where she makes demands is major). Alluka demands kindness, respect, and acceptance of both herself and of Nanika. If you accept the me who is on the outside, you must also accept the me on the inside.

With Alluka’s demand, Killua apologizes. He does not merely accept her request because he feels he has to, but it seems he does mean what he says. He admits what he did wrong and takes full responsibility. (NOTE: This is a fabulous example of how a cis person should react when they have hurt a trans person).

And so, with the reassurance that even just one person wants Nanika in the world, she comes back out.

The language of “coming out” is especially resonant for the LGBT+ community and again, I don’t think it’s a mistake those words are used here.

While I do believe Killua steals some of the spotlight during Nanika’s big moment and in her arc, I truly feel both Alluka’s firm demand for respect, as well as her bravery, and Nanika’s gentle forgiveness say a lot about a trans experience.

I personally wish I could be as assertive about my needs for respect and acceptance, especially around my family. I wish I could be unapologetically angry with them when they fuck up. I also wish I could forgive them for those fuck ups. Seeing Alluka and Nanika’s arc unfold in the anime has shown me that maybe, just maybe, I can do those things. It has also proven that even if one support in a trans person’s life gives them the space to be their true self, to come out, to be free, it can make that trans person’s life so much better.

Alluka Zoldyck, as a transgender character in a wildly popular anime, is important. The way she and Nanika are handled in Hunter x Hunter’s story resonates with the trans community. I have read multitudes of posts, articles, and essays about how Alluka has helped trans women feel seen, heard, and accepted. While I’m not a woman, I relate to the trans-ness of the character as I believe many others in the trans community do. Feeling that familiarity with Alluka’s character (and Nanika’s) is something I seldom experience from anime or any media. Alluka’s representation matters. Her story is unfortunately short and involves sticking with the show through its many episodes and long arcs -- but it is a positive story. And I feel she is entirely worth it.

#alluka zoldyck #nanika #hunter x hunter #hxh #trans day of visibility #meta #long post #mine #alluka said trans rights!

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