#gay ppl in my phone…. today i let u down

[stevebabey]

a piece that alas, will never get finished 😔 the bath fic that was once discussed, half written, and left to rot in my tumblr drafts. i hope u can read the seeds i was planting and see the vision i had even if i never could write it <3

Hot water is, indisputably, a luxury in the Munson household.

Far as Eddie knows, the same goes for the whole damn world.

Hot water is something sacred. Something to be used scarcely, lest you drain the tank and have only cold water to wash your plates and yourself in for the rest of the week.

It's not the worst, but, well, then again Eddie can think of few things worst than needing a shower during the colder winter months when the water splutters out lukewarm and the cold trickles in right when he's in the middle of washing his hair. It sucks. Always sends him to bed with the shivers.

Hell, sometimes he'd even do the mile at school just for a chance to get in the showers first — dashing in for the free hot water that only lasted a good couple minutes.

It was worth it though, Eddie thought.

Both the exercise and the sneers, in exchange for getting to be truly warm for the first time since he'd gotten out of bed that day. Warm showers will do that to you though.

Eddie's heard stories of places, of faraway like Hawaii or somewhere, where it gets so warm that when it rains, the water sometimes rains down already warm. Like a great big shower for the whole place.

He reckons if that ever happened here in the middle of nowhere Indiana, he'd be out dancing in the streets in the warm rain. Soaking it all in. Taking not a single drop for granted.

Steve's house, as Eddie has discovered, has more than one shower — because it's got multiple bathrooms.

In the time he's been hunkered down there, his sides patched up roughly and healing at what feels like a snails pace, Eddie has taken to exploring the empty halls of the Harrington House.

It's... enormous. Gargantuan. Fucking massive.

There's rooms with doors that never open. Rooms that Eddie's never even seen Steve go near. Endless doors and cupboards and an upstairs and downstairs, and far too many garages for one just couple and their son.

Eddie explores them all.

It stems from his boredom, of course, because patient isn’t one of the words used to describe Eddie Munson but restless certainly is.

He wanders aimlessly, under the guise that he needs to keep using the muscles in his legs while he heals up but truthfully, he loves a good snoop.

Soon enough, the driving force of his wandering transforms from boredom to… curiosity.

Steve Harrington has always been an enigma to Eddie.

Upholder of conventional standards and the heterosexual gaze turned, well, loser, in the manner of a couple months- it was jarring to say the least.

Especially to the likes of people like Eddie, for whom he had represented everything wrong with small town Hawkins. Rich meathead jocks who pay their way through school.

Eddie always figured he’d had a fucking mansion of a house but this place… it’s unsettling, seeing so much space, so unlived in.

It’s even more unnerving how Steve just… doesn’t take up space.

Even in his own home. Steve’s bedroom doesn’t sprawl out, it’s not packed with possessions and hobbies like Eddie knows his own is. His wallpaper matches his sheets, picked out by someone who clearly doesn’t know Steve.

Everything is tidy because Steve seems to have this neatness ingrained deep within him. He putters around, on auto pilot sometimes, to keep the space clean for parents who don’t seem to come home.

When Steve's out at work and it's just Eddie, wandering aimlessly to keep the strength in his legs, the loneliness of the place yawns down the halls. Consuming. Suffocating.

He’s found himself eagerly awaiting Steve's arrival home from work, if only to hear someone else's voice other than his own.

Today, Eddie's searching has lead him here— into the master bedroom’s ensuite and they have a goddamn fuckin’ bathtub.

It’s a proper fancy type one with clawed bronze feet and a wide lip, made of sparkling clean marble. The type he might describe for that is a King in a campaign, just to be on the nose about how wealthy and greedy this character was.

He’s so transfixed on it that he doesn’t even hear Steve jimmying his keys into the lock, coming home.

It isn’t until— “Eddie?”

Eddie jumps, startled, as Steve’s hand touches on his shoulder lightly. His goal to not scare the other boy doesn’t go as intended, considering how much Eddie flinches but the moment he turns his head, his face is relaxing.

“Fuck, dude,” He breathes a sigh of relief, lips quirking into a smile. “Didn’t hear you come up.”

Steve shrugs a bit and scratches behind his ear, a bit awkwardly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Eddie nods, but his gaze has already shifted back to the tub before them. Steve follows his gaze easily, an easy chuckle passing his lips.

“I see you found the bath.”

“Yeah…” Eddie says, sounding a bit breathless, his voice distant. Steve glances over, trying to understand the strange emotion toying on Eddie’s features. It’s just a bath. Steve hasn’t even been allowed to use it before, sure, but he likes his own shower just fine.

“It was such a bitch to get it in when they first got it,” Steve explains, folding his arms across his chest as he recalls the memory.

He points his finger behind him to the doorway without moving his arm. “Knocked down a whole wall ‘cos they couldn’t get it to through the doorway. To be honest, I’ve always thought it was kind of ugly.”

He’s waiting for Eddie to say something. For the joke, for the sneering comment on his parent’s fortune, for any lippy spiel that usually gets under Steve’s skin in the best way. The longer Eddie stays quiet, the more it begins to worry Steve.

It’s as though Eddie hasn’t even heard him.

Steve clears his throat and tries again, his tone light and delivered with a chuckle. “Man, you’d think you’ve never seen a bath before.”

Eddie’s head snaps toward Steve. He finally breaks his trance, regrettably just to snap at Steve. “I have, thank you very much.”

Steve feels a bit of embarrassment bloom over his cheeks, wanting to backtrack on his poor joke instantly but before he can open his mouth Eddie is already softening, hackles falling. His eyes are back on the bath.

“Just… haven’t even taken one.” He admits softly.

Steve doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what’s going through Eddie’s mind — can’t come close to understanding what forlorn nostalgia is tugging at Eddie’s gut.

“Not really, I don’t think.” He continues. He pauses to think, head tilting back just a bit. “When I was really little, maybe. Little enough to fit in the sink or— or something.”

Eddie seems to realise he’s letting whatever thoughts he’s having drift out of his mouth and promptly snaps his jaw shut, teeth clacking as he does. He doesn’t look at Steve, doesn’t want to see the pity or the sympathy or the—

“Anyways,” Eddie huffs a breath, turning to leave his newfound discovery on the exploration of the Harrington House.

When—

“Do you want to?” Steve asks suddenly. His voice is sincere. “Take one?”

Eddie blinks. Wonders if it’s a joke, that it’s being offered out just so it can snatched away and Steve can laugh at how desperate Eddie is to actually be given this. He has to hastily remind himself that Steve wouldn’t do that to him.

There’s no containing the excitement rushing in his voice when Eddie spits out, “Can I?”

Steve chuckles, an easy smile at the other’s eagerness.

It’s easy to overrun the instinct that’s ingrained deep, not to cross the little rules his parents have scattered through the house — easy because he’s doing it more and more with Eddie here.

They’d eaten off his mom’s expensive and untouched china on the first night Eddie had managed to get up and about to eat downstairs, instead of tucked in bed.

He’d been so keen to help, proclaiming that he’d set the table for the both of them— too excited to be up and moving to remember that he and Steve weren’t usually as buddy-buddy as they were acting.

Steve had soaked in it greedily. Warm brown eyes, saccharine smile, he’s found that Eddie sort of glows when he’s happy. And that giving him good food is one of the ways to stir up that happiness.

But even then, Steve had paused seeing the plates in Eddie’s hands, an instant stone in his throat because he isn’t allowed to use those ones.

Sputtering through a sentence, Steve swallowed the stone and skipped over the rule he’d never broken before. It was worth it for the smile on Eddie’s face.

Just like it’s worth it now. Seeing the awed smile on his face, already a little jittery at the thought of a bath… Steve’s embarrassed to find he can’t really say no to him.

He keeps that to himself though, because if Eddie knew that he’d be batting his eyelashes and making every demand known to Earth. But then again, that didn’t sound so bad either.

Christ, Steve thinks to himself. He’s so screwed.

#gay ppl in my phone…. today i let u down #by leaving you hanging #it’s a fill in the blank story ! u can choose how it ends ! #mwah mwah mwah #ruby writes steddie #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #uhhhhh i think that’s all #enjoy?

[liaincursives]

These feelings I got/Lucas’ season

previous part / all parts together on ao3

Enjoy it ppl <3. 

Friday 22:47

Lucas looked at the sketch on his graphic tablet. A few months ago, he started to be interested in interior design and architecture after a random youtube documentation about Alex Vervoordt had popped up in his recommendations and since then he knew exactly what he wanted to do in his future and a ton of sketches was piling up in his room and the storage of his tablet was filling up faster than he wanted it to. Todays sketch was basically the interior of the little grocery store he had visited on Tuesday and Lucas had gotten completely lost in it. With the soft beats from one of his favourite albums playing in the back, he had lost the feeling of time. 

The screen of  his phone lit up and he could see a message from Kes and little blue instagram icon. Confused, he raised one eyebrow and unlocked his phone.  Why would someone write him on instagram on a Friday night?

Sterkerdanijzer has sent sent you a message. The notification was already three hours old and Lucas was surprised by himself. Did time really pass by that fast? He usually didn’t get that lost in something. With curiosity, he opened Robbes message. 

Hey, so I talked to my friends and we are meeting up on Monday to just chill and skate and they would be okay if you want join us.

Lucas face turned into a smile and his fingers were flying over the keys of his phone. 

That sounds pretty chill, where are you guys meeting up?

Since he had finished his sketch, he started clicking through the insta stories of his friend. Kes and Jayden both had posted video from party and Lucas. couldn’t help but feel left out. He recognised the flat share in the background and all of his dutch friends seemed to be at the party. The story Kes uploaded showed him and Jayden sitting the kitchen counter, sharing a joint with a girl with short brown curls. Jaydens story showed Liv singing. Lucas tapped on the message had sent him and a shaky image of Jayden kissing the girl with brown curls and a u are missing popped up on the screen. 

Lucas swallowed down the bitter feeling that was creeping up his throat. His friends seemed like they were having fun without him, it didn’t even seem like they were really missing him. Inside of Lucas, something was telling him that it just seemed like that and that Kes text about missing him was true, but Lucas just felt so left out and lonely right now, seeing his friends continue living and having fun while he was laying on his bed, drawing. On a Friday evening. What was he doing? What were his friends doing? Was he so unimportant that they would just continue on partying without him? 

He turned onto his stomach, trying to get those thoughts out of his head. He knew that there was no reason thinking like this. It was okay to be alone, even if all his friends were getting wasted and stoned right now. And it was okay feeling awkward seeing his friends without him. But why was it so hard accepting this then? 

He went back on his instagram, knowing he would regret it, but he was curious and wanted check out what the Belgians were doing. He saw that Robbe had posted a new story, which he opened immediately. Robbe seemed to be at a party too, Lucas guessed it was the farewell party for that Jana-girl they were talking about it on Monday. Lucas could see Noor in the short video, she seemed extremely happy dancing with Britt and holding a bottle of white wine in her left hand. Britts eyes ware fixed on a peroxide blonde boy that was talking with Robbe behind the phone, which Lucas. recognised as Sander, the boy that almost had hit him with the skateboard on Sunday. Behind these three teenagers, Lucas could see him. Again, as the image of him was following him, not letting him not think about him or the way they looked at each other yesterday. Lucas stared at his phone and what he saw made his stomach turn, like someone has pressed all hope out of it. 

Jens and the girl from yesterday morning were sitting next to each other, she was leaning over his shoulder, almost sitting on his lap and was doing something on the boys phone. Their faces were close, she was saying. something to him and it seemed like their lips were about to touch. 

Lucas wouldn’t even question it, the two were dating. What  had he. expected. anyways?  That the first guy that was his type would be gay and fall for. him immediately?He knew that that was not the way things worked.  

He turned off the screen of his phone, and with a dull sound, it dropped down on the floor.  Frustrated, not knowing what was going on in his mind, he buried his head in the white pillow he was laying on, trying to think of something different than the boy and his friends in the Netherlands.

Next part

#tfig #wtfock #skam dutch #skam nl #lucas van der heijden #van der stoffels

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part three | p.p.

summary: you and peter doing various tiktok trends. y'all know the deal

warnings: ultra chaotic writing (i have nine other drafts forgive me i am a tad bit stressed), cussing as always, and HOPEFULLY GOOD WRITING??? oh and yes as always peter being Babey

+ + +

- HI!!!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE TIKTOK HCS!!!!!!!

- i got a few requests/ideas from y'all for more tiktoks so here we are

- tbh since so many new trends are constantly coming out i might just make this a whole ass SERIES but we'll see

- who knows if i can even handle that

- btw:: if i forgot one or there's one you really want me to write you can comment it and i'll try to add it to this!!! if it's too long since posted though i'll add it to my drafts <3

- OKAY TIME FOR CHAOTIC ENERGY

- as mentioned in past versions of this series

- tiktok dances are ADDICTIVE!!!

- and you literally broke a goddamn sweat learning supalonely but we're NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT

- and you and peter are hanging out one day

- and as all of these ideas happen

- you get ~inspired~ by the for you page

- you set up the camera, flipping it so that it's facing peter and not you

- the lil shit hasn't even noticed that you got up yet what a poop

- but as soon as the music starts playing he raises his head

- you're doing the supalonely dance like a fucking BOSS

- all while pretending to be looking at yourself in the camera

- you don't let yourself stare at the screen so you don't get distracted

- but

- of course

- peter is nodding his beat to the beat, clapping for you, and when you to the body roll thing on "drinking" he lets out a whoop that makes you wheeze

- when you finish you laugh, letting out a sigh and grabbing your phone

"not gonna lie, you ate that."

"i know."

- you sit back down next to him, heart rate in da Clouds, and start watching the video

- petey boi is just sitting there like a puppy, crooked smile on his face as he watches you

- in a few parts he's even doing the dance with you

- and he looks so in awe

- you can't stop watching it and smiling at the screen

- but then the fucker sits down next to you and is like "you should post that it was really good"

- so you show him it

- his face gets all red bc he's babey

"you were videoing me??"

- OKAY NEXT ONE

- so i think we all know the rosa videos

- for the b99 fans: rosa rosa rosaaaaaaaaaaaa

- she's a QUEEN

- and you constantly quote those things like

- every time there's a silent moment you're just like "you're fucking lying let me see" and the whole team (avengers squad) is like ayo stfu

- one day y'all are just hanging in the commons of headquarters

- we're getting the band back together!

- and you start videoing cause you're bored

- you point the camera at peter

"aye dude come here?"

- everybody groans and peter gives the camera a sassy look, tilting his head

"you're gay? i fuckin-"

"language," steve mutters

"-knew it dude!" you smile, zooming in on the camera

- peter gets a confused look on his face

"wait no i'm bi"

- tony effin SHOOTS UP

- sitting like there's a goddamn board in his back

- and he slowly turns his head in your direction

- eyebrow raised

- you bust out laughing and so does everyone else, including peter

- tony's looking around like "hey what the FUCK is HAPPENING"

"stark, you didn't know?"

"NO??"

- lol we stan bi peter parker

- aight BACK TO THE SHITS AND GIGGLES

- so you and peter are obsessed with that quirky tiktok bartender girl who makes all the drinks

- i forgot her name but she's like

we're gonna do 2 ounces so that's 1, 2, 3, 4! we're gonna give it a nice strain! andddd shake shake shake shake! fun, right?

- yk what i mean

- hi it's editing ryn it's her tiktok is like paradise bartender

- and so one day

- jk one NIGHT

- it's like 2 am

- and you and peter are like

- let's make lemonade. but like. Fake Alcohol Version Because We're Underage

- and so y'all run to the kitchen

- you almost crush and die from slipping on your socks

- the two of you and laughing and giggling as you run and around and get all your materials

"where is the fucking STRAINER"

"bitch idk help me find the lemon flavor packets"

- it takes FAR too long but y'all are finally ready

- you start recording and the two of you are already laughing

"hey guys so today-"

"TODAY" he pushes you to the side "we're gonna be making LEMONADE!"

- the two of you keep laughing as you shove each other trying to be the one in charge

- so basically

- peter gets water all over the counter

- some of the ice flies out when you shake it

- the strainer DOESN'T WORK AND ALL THE STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE

- and the small amount that lands in the cup tastes like whispering lemon

- like hella watered down there's like nothing there

- the lemon is SHY

- and then in the last 10 seconds of the video bucky walks in

- and he's like wtf... wait y'all are making lemonade??

- and the three of you end up making lemonade for real and drinking it while watching infomercials

- at two in the morning

- fun, right?

- those videos are so satisfying NEXT TIKTOK

- thank u ritxal for the idea !!

- so our boi PETE HERE

- is hella addicted to those cool pov videos

- and he gets a really good idea even though it would make him a SIMP

- he ends up deciding FUCK IT I'M MAKING ONE

- MY TIKTOK ACCOUNT IS PRIVATE ANYWAYS

- so he sets up his phone and jumps around to get ~~in the zone~~

- feeling stupid as hell

- he films one of those ones where it's the "from the other side" *noise!!!!!!!!* one's yk where the ppl are like "are you sure you want to __?" and it has the yes and no buttons

- you know

- i hope

- and he puts the text on it and shrugs, posting it

- meanwhile you're home and you get the notification that peter posted a tiktok

- obviously you click on it because

- uh

- because

- and you watch it and gasp because the caption says pov and ur like who tf is this man peter never posts povs

- you watch as peter is looking nervously at the camera and text pops up saying "are you sure you want to give up?"

- he presses yes and you're like oh god oh peter wait is this a sign shit FUCK

- a new text bubble pops up saying "do you want to see her?" and you fucking yeLP

- you're like holy FUCK WAIT WHO IS HER???? WIFE???? DAUGHTER?????? HUH!!!!!!!

- and then he presses yes

- and the screen goes black

- you see urself in the screen

- and you basically DIE

- a wheeze so hard that it hurts flies out of your mouth and you IMMEDIATELY PRESS DUET

- you start filming with your phone facing the ceiling and as the beat drops (or whatever when it's like ahhhh!) you pop onto the screen, smiling

- and you're like RANDOM CONFIDENCE BOOST WHATEVER POST

- and then BACK TO PETER'S PLACE

- HE GETS THE NOTIFICATION AND IS LIKE WHAT

- AND WHEN HE SEES YOU POP ONTO THE SCREEN HE'S LIKE HOLY FUCK

- AND SO HE FACETIMES YOU

- YOU ANSWER OBVI

"y/n what the hell"

"did you like it?"

"maybe"

- okay i wanna do another pov one so here we go

- i'm sure everyone here is acquainted with the "they call me tiago.. i don't know who's margo" ones

-  these are lowkey difficult to write out so i'm just gonna lay it out for you as best i can

- really trying here

- so peter posts the boy's voice part ("no no no... they call me tiago. i don't know who's margo? i just hit this lotto" etc etc etc)

- and when it's like idk who's margo he just holds a stare with the camera in like an InTiMiDaTiNg way

- even though he's babey and a literal puppy it actually like.. works

- and when you see it you're like yes so you post the other part (that people never do lol "her name is margo" etc all the female voicing)

- and you hold the stare too and EVEN LIKE RAISE YOUR EYEBROW SUGGESTIVELY AND GIVE HIM THE LOOK IYKYK

- so BASICALLY

- i'm really trying here i can visualize these tiktoks perfectly but GOD if i don't struggle a bit while writing them

PETER'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but you keep screwing with my plans so i try to intimidate you

Y/N'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but i found you cute so i decide to mess around with your mission

- OH BY THE WAY THE TWO OF YOU LIVE AT AVENGERS HEADQUARTERS AND HE POSTED "YESTERDAY" SO YOU DECIDE TO POST "TODAY" AND WALK OUT OF YOUR ROOM TO WHERE HE WAS IN THE COMMONS RIGHT AFTER YOU POSTED

- can y'all tell how messy my brain is holy shit

- pls forgive me i keep getting random ideas but IT ADDS TO THE CHAOS SO IT'S FINE RIGHT

- OKAY

- BACK AGAIN

- so you post and walk out and as you turn the corner to the commons you can hear the sound play and have to stop a moment to silently scream

- thankfully no one else was in there except for peter (whose back was to you) otherwise you woulda looked INSANE

- you walk up behind him and smile as he laughs slightly and watches it another time, pulling his phone closer to his face to read the caption

"holy shit," he mutters

- he closes his eyes and smiles and tilts his head back, resting it on the back of the couch (🥺)

"you like it?"

- lol

- this kid SHOOTS UP

- HELLO

"oh my god, y/n, what are you doing"

"coming to hang out with you??"

- he sighs as you come and plop down next to him

"what the hell is this"

- he shows you his phone

"a tiktok"

- he smiles and shakes his head (doing that thing where you like look down while doing it and it's so CUTE)

"yeah. i got that."

- NEXT TIKTOK

- alright guess the scenario

- just fucking guess

- i'll wait

- ...

- you'd best BELIEVE that y'all are chilling at headquarters in the commons rn

- where da HELL ELSE

- and

- like LITERALLY EVERY OTHER TIKTOK THAT I WRITE OUT IN THESE

- YOU AND PETE BE CHILLIN

- AND YOU SET UP YOUR PHONE

- god i'm starting to question if i'm capable of writing literally anything else damn

- peter's in the background of course

- and it's this godforsaken audio i'm sure most of you have heard

- you know the one where it's like fast music and then it goes "mm, yeah" and it's usually accompanied with a video of some really pretty girl fake moaning and like rolling her eyes while pushing up her hair??

- well

- all of that

- everything i just said

- is exactly what you do

- and the thing is

- as soon as peter hears the audio he recognizes it

- are we gonna talk about the fact that peter probably spent at least a whole night watching those videos because 1) girls are really pretty and 2) every time he heard it he could vividly imagine you doing it??????? no??? okay

- so he like

- sits up

- does the thing where he rests his forearms on his knees and leans forward, glaring at you through the camera

- and in the background

- if you're paying attention

- peter FLIPS HIS SHIT WHEN YOU DO THE "MM YEAH" PART

- he tHROWS HIS ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE I THOUGHT I GAVE YOU SIGNS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT A COUPLE AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE OUT OF SPITE,, DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON VIDEO IS ABSOLUTELY OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!

"Y/N!"

- it's still recording and you turn around and laugh, throwing your head back as he jumps up and grabs you by the waist, pulling you in

- the two of you start play fighting just like elio and oliver from cmbyn (but a bit less steamy yk?? more innocent yet still w a bit of tension yeye)

- needless to say you keep that video in a very special place of your heart

- and so does peter like once the two of you stop wrestling you realize that the video had just been looping behind the sound of your laughter and fighting y'all watch it and it loops a few times while the two of you are silent and he finally goes "can you uh. can you send that. to me. ???????"

- next oneeeeeeeeeeeeee

- thank u lilmissquackson for the idea <3

- so in this one you and petey are dating

- and y'all decide to do the put a finger down challenge lol

- but instead of using an audio y'all decide to switch off coming up with ones on the spot

"put a finger down if your boyfriend tackles you every time you're standing near a couch or bed"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend still calls you dude"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend once webbed you to the wall because you wouldn't stand still when he was trying to kiss you"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend used her telepathic powers to keep you out of her room when she was mad at you"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend took TWO YEARS TO ASK YOU OUT"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend started laughing after you told her you liked her"

"put a finger down if you only started laughing because it TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend showed no signs of liking you before you decided to ask her out"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend is the most oblivious boy in the world"

"put a finger down if you're in love with your girlfriend but haven't said 'i love you' yet because you're scared she won't say it back"

- your jaw drops and turn to him

- needless to say you were very glad to have caught your first "i love you"s on camera

- SIDE NOTE you did not post cause after you and peter watched the video back y'all were both like "we don't wanna be THOSE bitches"

- next one woop

- thank u MrsLillianAmbrose for the idea !!

- okay buds

- so here's the thing

- i hate to under-perform

- but i feel like the best way to get the full effect of this tiktok is to watch it and then just roll with me here

- SOOOOO (if u can)

1) open tiktok 2) search @_tharealjohnnyyy_ 3) go to his account (or it might just show up when you search) 4) and scroll to the "ways to cuddle" video 5) it was posted in february 2020 if that helps give u a time reference lol

- OKAY

- I HOPE Y'ALL GOT TO WATCH IT

- I TRIED JUST PUTTING IT IN HERE BUT WATTPAD WOULDN'T LET ME AND I COULDN'T FIND IT ON YOUTUBE (let me know if one of u does!!!)

- if u weren't able to watch it (i'm so sorry) i'm gonna do the best i can to at least make this entertaining

- WOOP

- so if you could see the tiktok that's really all this is

- you and peter doing literally the same thing

- y'all are giggling in between positions and peter struggles to set the camera up every time it falls

- he ends up just webbing it to the ceiling

- and in the end the two of you fall asleep in the reverse OG position with your fingers playing with his hair 🥰🥰

- i hope that was good enough im sorry AH

- next!!

- thank u Mendesmycam for the idea <33

- okay so y'all know that sound

SOMETHING ABOUT YA GORLL

REALLY MAKES MY HEADDDD WANNA TWIRLLLLLLLLLL

- or whatever the lyrics are

- those tiktoks are SO FUNNY

- AND YOU DECIDE TO COPY THEM

- so you grab a chair and sit peter down in the middle of the room and set the camera up

- luckily for you he has a bag of cheez-its in hand that you plan to utilize later

- babey has a confused look on his face as he watches you press play and he shoves some more cheez-its in his mouth

- the music starts playing and you just about bust out laughing as you walk all around him, running your hand across his chest

- his heart is racing he's like AYO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

"y/n what the hell are you-"

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU GIRL

- you practically snap into a weird position

- ur freaking arms are out in front of you and you're on your toes and knees are bent and you're hunched over and it's like

- a very interesting pose

- peter BUSTS OUT LAUGHING

- his eyes are all crinkly as he bends over in the chair

- you just about break but you manage to keep a straight face as you start dancing around weirdly

- needless to say you look like a goddamn CONTORTIONIST

- peter can't stop wheezing

- you make one of your hands in the shape of like the italian man hand this iykyk and fucking SWAN DIVE YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS CHEEZ-IT BAG

- meanwhile peter's STILL DYING

- and you take the cheezits and lean back, sprinkling them all over you (like the popcorn one if you saw that tiktok lmao)

- and the video finally ends and you get to laugh

"y/n what the hell was that"

"i don't know i thought you might enjoy a little entertainment"

- and of course

- that's exactly when no other than SAM WILSON fucking strolls in

- hey how y'all doin'- AHHH (get yo fucking dog bitch! ~it don't bite~ YES IT DO GET YO-)

- sorry got distracted

- and he hears you and his head SPINS ON OVER TO Y'ALL'S DIRECTION

"a little what now?"

- AIGHT GUYS

- LAST ONE

- Y'ALL ARE AT HEADQUARTERS CAUSE WHERE DA HECK ELSE

- this time you're in peter's room though

- and i'd like to imagine this one with the cool led lights because 1) tiktok and 2) i feel like peter would have those in his room

- y'all are just chilling watching hot rod (GREAT MOVIE BTW)

- and

- peter sets up the camera

- not to mention his heart is RACING RN CAUSE HE'S A NERVOUS BEAN

- and he hits record and leans back, letting out a sigh

- you don't even notice his phone literally right there cause you're just enjoying the movie

- a few seconds into the video and petey is like Visibly Freaking Out

- but a funny part plays and you laugh, looking over at him to see if he found it funny too

- he notices you're turning your head so he's like YES I LOOK AT TV HOT ROD MOVIE I AM LOOKING THAT WAY AND WASN'T STARING AT YOU OR THE CAMERA YES THIS IS A FUNNY PART I AM LAUGHING

- and then you look away

- and then he looks at you

- and ever so lightly grabs you by the chin

- and pulls you to him and plants his lips on yours

- finally, dumbass

+ + +

huzzah

i hope u guys enjoyed !!!!!!! ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

[the-black-birb]

𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢'𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐲 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑!)

This fic features Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma, Futakuchi, and a reader character. There are no explicit romanitc pairings.

Warnings: swearing and poorly attempted humor

Summary: shenanigans

A/N: this is part of a collaborative fic with ellie (@babiekeiji ) for qee's bday!! Happy birthday cutie ilysm

QeeDay Masterlist

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

--❤--

[DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 2:04 PM

tetsubro and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: how are you and bokuto so good at ice skating

futacoochieslayer: i came here to woo yn but i think you’ve wooed me instead

tetsubro: it’s the bromance

tetsubro: but yn is skating w akaashi rn

testubro: we can make this duo into a trio 

tetsubro: come over ;)

futacoochieslayer: ooh say less

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 2:28 PM

applepi and captain_daddy are online!

captain_daddy: cmere

applepi: why.

captain_daddy: ur tired

applepi: im exhausted

applepi: what r u gonna do about it?

captain_daddy: i give rly good back massages

applepi: …

applepi: move over so i can sit

 [DIRECT MESSAGES]

Saturday, 2:56 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

waiyenn: thank you <3

futacoochieslayer: ew why are you thanking me

futacoochieslayer: bring yn back

waiyenn: ik you were wary about letting them come along

waiyenn: but u did anyways

waiyenn: so thank you :)

futacoochieslayer: whatever

futacoochieslayer: they’re not too bad anyways

waiyenn: so 

waieynn: you staring at bokuto’s ass?

futacoochieslayer: i am staring at bokuto’s ass.

 [PARTAYYYYY]

Saturday, 4:20 PM

tetsubro is online!

tetsubro: blaze it

akaashi is online!

akaashi: Did you just drop your phone on the ice just to text that?

 [PARTAYYYYY]

Saturday, 4:28 PM

applepi, futacoochieslayer, and waiyenn are online!

applepi: so are there any good phone stores around here

waiyenn: ??

applepi: kuro cracked his phone

applepi: we want to see if we can find a replacement before we go back to tokyo

applepi: so his dad doesnt find out

waiyenn: oh uh

waiyenn: im not sure i can check google

futacoochieslayer: my dad works for an electronics company

futacoochieslayer: ill drive u guys over once we’re done

waiyenn: aww who knew you could be a decent human being

futacoochieslayer: everyone but you

applepi: i disagree w that statement

futacoochieslayer: walk to the store.

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:04 PM

captain_daddy and waiyenn are online!

captain_daddy: hey yn

captain_daddy: this is kuroo from bo’s phone

captain_daddy: im sorry skating got cut short bc of me

waiyenn: its all good tetsu

waiyenn: u went down for a good cause

captain_daddy: (￣▽￣)V

waiyenn: but why are you texting me

waiyenn: arent u sitting behind me rn

captain_daddy: bokuto is crushing my windpipe w his beautiful muscular back

captain_daddy: if im going to go, this is the way i want to die

waiyenn: rip

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:47 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: hey

waiyenn: y are we texting

waiyenn: youre sitting next to me

futacoochieslayer: well i wanna text

waiyenn: we’re the only ones here everyone else is in the phone store

futacoochieslayer: so what?

waiyenn: “whatever happened to having a conversation”

futacoochieslayer: nvm i dont want to talk

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:52 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: happy birthday

futacoochieslayer: ✧bitch ✧

waiyenn: aww thx

waiyenn: ✧bastard✧

 Saturday, 8:03 PM

captain_daddy changed [PARTAYYYYY] to [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

captain_daddy changed @futacoochieslayer to @futaba

everyone is online!

futaba: why

captain_daddy: its ur initiation

captain_daddy: did i use that word right

akaashi: Yes. 

waiyenn: so bo can change other ppl’s names but not his own

waiyenn: kinda sus (￢з￢)

tetsubro: are you sure it’s okay that we’re staying over yn?

waiyenn: yeah!!

waiyenn: its nice to have company

waiyenn: and now we can celebrate my bday allllll night long o(*>ω<*)o

applepi: and its kinda late to head all the way back to tokyo

waiyenn: mmhmm

waiyenn: you have to stay

akaashi: Thank you, yn

 [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

Sunday, 2:16 AM

everyone is online!

tetsubro: gnight gays

applepi: night

captain_daddy: sweet dreams uwu

akaashi: Good night.

waiyenn: futakuchi you have to say it

waiyenn: ur part of the gang now

futaba: we’re literally dogpiled on top of each other

tetubro: cmon bro

akaashi: I think you should.

futaba: sigh

futaba: goodnight

futaba: to everyone but yn since its not her bday anymore (　＾ڡ＾)

 [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

Sunday, 2:54 AM

waiyenn is online!

waiyenn: thank you guys for today

waiyenn: seriously

waiyenn: i love you guys sososo much you mean the world to me

applepi is online!

applepi: go to sleep yn

applepi: we love you too

waiyenn: <3

waiyenn: night babes

#QeeDay #futakuchi x reader #haikyuu fanfic

[gayoongles]

50 questions tag

I was tagged by @mikrokosyoongs thank u bb🥺💘 1. What takes up too much of your time? currently studying + final projects😪 but usually my time is spent trying to keep up w all my kpop boys (mostly bts) hfudsihf 

2. What makes your day better? listening to music, playing my cello, talking to my friends, n rugby 3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? BLACK HAIRED TAE IS BACK (im still not over it bye) AND I GOT BTS TIX

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? uhhhh idk? maybe the hp universe but ngl I havent watched/read much lately that takes place in a historical setting besides got and I know for sure I dont wanna b there hfdjhf 

5. Are you good at giving advice? I like to think I am but idk 

6. Do you have any mental illness? sadly yeah😣

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no, thank fuck. id fr die 8. What musician inspired you the most? yoongi, min yoongi, suga, syub, the love of my life, and kim namjoon

9. Have you ever fallen in love? wish I cld say no hahah but

10. What’s your dream date? idk I dont rly have one hfudshf I like amusement parks a lot but also cuddling sounds like an AMAZING date idea

11. What do others notice about you? ppl always comment on my hair (bc I always have it dyed) and my height first so I guess those fhiusdfhi, personality wise tho, that im v quiet

12. What is an annoying habit you have? biting my nails. I try so hard every day to not but it ends up happening anyway

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no, thankfully

14. How many exes do you have? 5 and all of them ended up sucking yeet😛

15. How many songs are in your playlist? idk bc I have like 7483758 playlists 

16. What instruments can you play? cello! and a bit of ukulele but I havent picked it up in a while so im probably rusty

17. What do you have the most pictures of? bts, but out of all of them probably jm or yoongi

18. Where would you like to go before you die? everywhere, but mostly Europe Australia and Asia 

19. What is your zodiac? ima go deep bc why not so: leo sun cap moon aries rising. feel free to roast me in my asks abt that idk

20. Do you relate to it? my zodiac? lmao my sun no but my moon for sure

21. What is happiness to you? music. 

22. Are you going through anything right now? umm stress bc finals r in like a week but other than that no not particularly. I did just get out of a rly bad like month, almost 2 month long depressive episode tho so its been rough bouncing back from that bc I got behind on a LOT of work bc of it

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? not a specific decision but I trusted too easily in the past and it always hurt me

24. What’s your favorite store? I dont rly shop that much in specific stores ngl, maybe line friends tho? it was a rly cute store when I visited last month :(

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? your body, your decision. no one elses

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nah, theres things I wanna do but idc enough to write them down or keep track or anything

27. Do you have a favorite album? persona, lys tear, and dark and wild r so so superior dont @ me I won't change my mind

28. What do you want for your birthday? hfidshfi not 2 b that bitch but I always only ask for money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? that I’m really quiet and reserved. also that im fucking short

30. What age do you seem according to most people? I got mistaken as 12 once when I was 18 but recently idk, maybe 17? probably not much younger now since I go to college

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? next to me on my bed bc I always end up falling asleep while on it

32. What word do you say the most? yoongi or some curse word probably

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 22 or 23? idk I havent rly thought of it much. except id date hyung line for sure if they fucking asked, screw age preferences in that case.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 18 since im only 19 lmao

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? anything music related 

36. What’s your favorite music genre? any varying kind of rock except most metal (alt, indie, classic, etc.), pop (and that included kpop), and hip hop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? um? tbh I like New York but uhh any country that it’s legal to be lgbtq+ in since my trans gay ass wldnt thrive anywhere that it’s illegal obvi

38. What is your current favorite song? dionysus and home and also bonfire by childish gambino

39. How long have you had this blog for? I dont know tbfh, maybe a year and a half? two years? bc it was a marvel blog before it was a bts blog so..

40. What are you excited for? METLIFE DAY 2 LETS GOOOO

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. talking takes a lot out of me mentally if im sober unless im w someone im rly comfy w

42. What is the last productive thing you did? uhh this weekend I finished 3 whole assignments dsifhi that's abt it

43. What do you want for christmas? idk? money? to get to spend time w my dad n step sisters? christmas is so far away man idk yet

44. What class do you get the best grades in? music related courses and english/writing

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 6, wld be more if I wasnt stressed out of my mine but ukno

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? mmm my hope is that ill b a relatively successful music producer/engineer by then but we’ll see how that goes lmaoo

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? threeee years ago I think? its been a hot second

48. What age do you want to get married? bro im only 19 I dont wanna think abt marriage

49. What career did you want to have as a child? a vet! and then I realized u had to put pets down sometimes so I said fuck that

50. What do you crave right now? physical affection lmaoo

m not gonna tag anyone bc I kinda took an break from work that I shouldn't have to do this so fhidsh anyone can do this if u want idk

#tag game #about me #not bts

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 5 - What If I Say My Name Is Lorde - Captain

Format: The Greenhouse

Eliminated: Blake (Venus Flytrap)

CAPTAIN

waking up to read that there is a tie between my bestie, mario and kaleigh and that i was the original target <3 see. i told yall when every time someone said i'm safe, i'm not. and now i'm pissed so i'm gonna just copy everything i wrote in my confessional here. THEY FUCKING WANTED ME OUT FIRST THEN THEY SWITCHED TO JENNET u see that?? u see how they’re scared of two pocs besties working tgt they told jennet they’re not on my priority list well stop dming me while i sleep maybe fuckers? these whites are fucking fake and so self-centered do i need to beg every white american to talk to me at 3am my time? girl no yea they wanted to target me at first because blake must think he’s not on my priority list for sure self-centered gay u’d love to see it huh i’m gonna venus flytrap that white ass

i mean i'm happy i survived but it won't be the same without my bestie jennet. we've been wanting to play together and our time was cut short because some white gays are so insecure and self-centered? so they decided to go for pocs? cute look on you babes.

#JusticeForJENNET https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/831702842733232148/842243242359128084/goodbye_bestie.mp4

XAVIER

We could have handled last round better

CAPTAIN

blake is why people are homophobic. period.

lots of details in my DR in the server i couldn't bring myself to do another entry because i was confused about all that "talk" but to sum up, nicole told me everything and blake told me everything too. he straight went up to me and said sorry i said ur name :why: and because i didn't tell me what went on (because i forgot.. like i don't think about this game all day. i also have something to do in my life) and i didn't tell him that i was in another alliance. as if he would tell me like PLS. ur just so entitled.

XAVIER

Blake has been going to us (Greenhouse) apologizing for his words during the call. I think Blake is scrambling. It is too much for just one sentence said during the call. Overcompensating, I think. Now Captain wants to target Nicole and Blake. Jarod wants to target Lindsay and William. I like Jarod, but he definitely is playing two sides now. Being on our (Greenhouse) side, but also on the side of Jarod-Blake-Autumn (though not too sure anymore how strong Autumn is with that trio). Captain wants to try a POC alliance. If Autumn is open, and if Jennet or Mario are the ones who come back from the buy back, that might actually work. And it would be very cool to see that happen.

JAROD

LORDE

what if i say that my name is lorde and my secret word is captain.. lets just do that

CAPTAIN

daisy and lanie coming back... hmm idk we're still need to wait and see if they want to work with me or not. i didn't do anything wrong to daisy so she might want to work with me. lanie tho, i voted her out but i literally explained everything that went down that round to her and threw will under the bus a bit. but will she want to work with me? idk. and i know blake is gunning for a flytrap so i need to get it or he'll flytrap my asian ass.

AUTUMN

CAPTAIN

okay lanie told me that she told william she didn't wanna do me in the first vote but of course, i didn't get told that. and it made sense cause like lanie played with me so she should know that our timezones are different and it is hard for me to talk to ppl when i go to bed. we'll see how it goes.

XAVIER

So I checked out early last night because I wanted to watch Ragnarok on Netflix and didn't want to keep checking my phone. I thought when today came around, there would be more people who have played. Um... just one other? 2 rounds? And no one online to play? I tried approaching Kaleigh and Lindsay but no response yet. I guess no one wants to look like they want it too much? But hello, we are in a game, of course everyone wants it. There are a lot of, let's just see what happens, instead of going for it. Maybe the VFT plays into that because it is in play as both Captain and Blake want it. And my fear is if I make it in the GH, nom Blake, he gets the VFT and use it on me again. Ha ha what a trip if that happens.

So I wasn't going to play but Nyx messaged and said they wanted to play. But they wanted to rig it. I didn't want to, I want a chance to win of course. And I did :) Hope they aren't too bummed about it. I am in the GH I think, with at least 3 (Nyx beat Lanie) points. I know Jarod is in there too by beating Daisy.

Two Greenhouses in a row, but hope history doesn't repeat! 

CAPTAIN

last night before i went to sleep, i thought to myself what if i get the one that nom ppl and the nominee will get a seed to nom me so i could get another seed. then, i went to bed thinking it might be a bit too much. but BOOM, i woke up today and saw jarod have this same plan so that's good. we communicate telepathically it seems. i just need to win the seed count comp and get 2 more seeds but like idk about my puzzle ability GRRRR!! but i'll try my best. i just wanna get the flytrap before i get flytrap'ed out.

LORDE

i'm cosplaying as lorde again and lorde wishes captain a successful bidding tmr

CAPTAIN

yall idk if my puzzle time would be good enough to win seeds and i just found out william has 0 seed

LANIE

IM BACK IN THE GAME AND WE’RE IN A GREENHOUSE ROUND! BRO GREENHOUSE IS MY SHIT it’s such a good format ahhh. None of these hoes know the greenhouse like I do honey. I’ve played it like 18 times.... probably the most out of everyone.. and IM A HOST OF THE ORG PLZ AND IM PLAYING AN IRL GREENHOUSE WITH TAYLOR ON THE 29TH AHH But on a serious note, I’m back in the game and I don’t trust ANYONE on my tribe that voted me out, especially my love William. Love him as a person but I’m gonna get him in this game at some point, you wait and see! He just agreed to throw the RPS challenge to make up for voting me out but HONEY IT’S NOT ENOUGH LMAO. He’s probably on the bottom of my trust list. At this point in time, I trust Jarod, Daisy, Lindsey, Captain, and Blake (even though the last two voted me off, but they were told convoluted information so I don’t blame them). I will work with Nyx but I don’t trust Nyx as much as I would like. I want to talk to Kaleigh more, and idk Xavier well but we’ll talk I’m sure. For this greenhouse round, Jarod is sunflower meaning he can put up TWO houseguests. HES PUTTING UP CAPTAIN AND I! But this is a strategy. There’s a power called the Flytrap, which the holder can use to take out any single person that they want. Captain has enough seeds to buy the flytrap, but so does Blake. WHOEVER WINS THE FLYTRAP WILL LIKELY LEAVE ME SAFE because I trust both Blake and Captain. People are gonna see Jarod put up two allies and flip their shit, but trust that this is all in typical Greenhouse strategy hehehe.

CAPTAIN

yes its time for an update! a lot has happened since yesterday... so lets begin with last night, i went to sleep and had the auction in my mind SDFSDFSD i actually woke up before my alarm went off like twice. the first time, i woke up and checked my phone.. it was like 7am and then i went to bed and i dreamed that the auction was already over and i missed everything DSFDFSDFSDF PLEASE! so i woke up right after and phew it was only 8.15am methinks so like 45 more minutes.. anyways!!! blake dm'ed me before the bidding and told me he would go for a flytrap... i mean i know that already and he said he wanted it because its been on his mind. PLEASE its been haunting me since last season.. and i didn't reply to him but i was talking to lanie about seeds too and i think lanie told blake i asked her for seeds? so blake came to me again and said 'Not you asking people for seeds' or something. like mister. and what about it? lanie knew about my plan of getting the flytrap and u just didn't know about it. so just sit down and relax god damn. oh and i found out will won the seed comp which was a no no cause will would give his seeds to blake for sure. and before the auction began, i think blake would have like 15 seeds? but he actually had 18 seeds. i was so lucky i outbid him. whew. and like he told me he had only 2 ppl giving him seeds while everyone prob gave me their seeds. and um? what about it? do i need to feel bad for you when you literally targeted me last round? white twink tears i guess. he tried to get me to promise that i won't flytrap him out but i haven't promised him. i said i'm down but its not a promise right? so yea i would flytrap him out. while lanie is in my dm like don't flytrap blake she loves him. MISS THING. I JUST TOLD YOU HE TARGETED ME LAST ROUND???? like god.

hey i'm back!! i know that blake would prob give someone his seeds that he has so we have to be careful about that in next week. imma need to try to win the greenhouse comp. fingers crossed for me tho besties. this is for jennet. everything i do in this game is gonna be for jennet. no one can mess with my sister/bestie. and once you do that, you just cross the line.

i'm sorry if i come off a bit aggressive.. i don't wanna be that but you know theres something about white men that is wrong.

heyyy god i'm just so proud with myself. i actually outdid myself and i just wanna go further than this. i wanna beat my old placement.

DAISY

CAPTAIN

missing jennet hours

#cowsecondchance #episodes

[vaalinors]

you’re the anchor (that i tied to my brain)

Edward Elric to the last jedi 9 pm DON’T BE FUCKING LATE IM TALKIN TO U YAO: pray tell where the fuck is my brother

Edward Elric: it is 8 o fucking clock 

Edward Elric: im locked the fuck out of the house 

Edward Elric: and al STILL ISN’T BACK FROM HIS GODFUCK SHITHOLE DATE

Paninya: ed take a deep breath n hurl urself into a pond or smth

Paninya: als been freakin out about mei for at least 38478392 years now

Paninya: let him relieve his thirst

Paninya: AND BTW THIS IS UR OWN DAMN FAULT

Edward Elric: how in The FUCK???? is this MY FAULT??????

Paninya: u couldve had a perfectly gross dorm on campus bUT NO U HAD TO BE BOUJEE N RENT AN APARTMENT WITH UR BROTHER

Edward Elric: IM ONLY LOCKED OUT BC AL LOST HIS GODDAMN KEY AND I

Edward Elric: BEING THE SAINTLY BROTHER THAT I AM

Ling Yao: w0w thats a lie

Edward Elric: GAVE HIM MINE AND NOW I GOTTA SCREAM AT HIM TILL HE PUTS HIS TONGUE BACK IN HIS OWN MOUTH AND COMES THE FUCK BACK

Winry Rockbell: u reeaaallly dont gotta

Paninya: have u heard??? of this thing??????

Paninya: called????? pm?????????????

Paninya: bc its a thing u could use to bitch at al without annoyin the entire shit outta the rest of us

Ling Yao: lol lan fans at her grandpas rn and her phone cant be put on silent

Ling Yao: shes going to kick ur ass

Edward Elric: IM gonna kick ALS ass if he doesnt show up in the next half hour I DONT CARE IF HES ON A FUCKIN DATE

Ling Yao: may i remind u my sister is the girl ur brothers currently wooing

Ling Yao: u do that and lan fan wont be the only one kicking ur ass

Edward Elric: what think u can take me weakLing

Ling Yao: uh duh but i was talking about mei

Edward Elric: PLS shes what half a foot tall????? PLSSSSSSS

Lan Fan: so twice as tall as you

Edward Elric: DO,,,,,U WANT,,,,,,.,TO FUCKING DIE,,,,,,,.,.,,,,

Lan Fan: edward

Lan Fan: i am at my grandfathers house

Lan Fan: my phone is ringing so loud my neighbors think their doorbells r broken

Lan Fan: my grandfather is ready to smash it into oblivion

Lan Fan: if he does we WILL be reliving 3/10 and youll be tasting a lot more than just your stomach acid when im done with you

Lan Fan: do not make me sneak out of training to answer you again

Paninya: Rekt™

Ling Yao: mic drop

Edward Elric: psh whatever

Edward Elric: u fuckers think 3/10 scared me

Edward Elric: GUESS FUCKING AGAIN

Edward Elric: FUCKING C O M E  A T  M E

Paninya: o look shes typing

Edward Elric: anyway im gonna pm al goodnight and thank u

Winry Rockbell to is it gay to want to literally drink ushers voice: OI AL how was the date

Winry Rockbell: I WANT DETAILS

Edward Elric: if anyone wants to know how to be the Creepiest Fucking Person Ever

Edward Elric: talk to winry

Winry Rockbell: well seeing that i won best ed impression two years in a row now id say i do indeed know

Edward Elric: HAR DE HAR

Edward Elric: u think u fucking know me???

Alphonse Elric: Is it hard?

Paninya: yea all u rlly gotta do is yell fuck a lot

Alphonse Elric: Put ur hair in a braid with one obnoxious ass strand sticking right up

Winry Rockbell: dont forget u have to crouch down

Winry Rockbell: i recommend kneeling

Edward Elric: dont think i cant deck all u shitdicks

Ling Yao: ive just annoyed the info out of my sister

Ling Yao: it seems al is quite the casanova

Ling Yao: clearly not a family trait BUT

Edward Elric: i will piss in ur backpack

Ling Yao: case in point

Ling Yao: ANYWAYS UPDATE ON THE BET FRONT

Ling Yao: as im sure u all know ned, roy mustang and i have had an ongoing wager AKA who can wrangle the most freshies into joining his club

Ling Yao: well as of today the martial arts/dance troupe has 20 more members

Edward Elric: BULLSHIT

Ling Yao: and i believe that pulls me ahead of ned to tie evenly with mustang

Ling Yao: and really would any of u choose archery over martial arts??

Paninya: tbh i choose social life over any clubs but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: basic bitch

Paninya: u kno it

Paninya: but srsly wtf shifty how did u get 20 new members so fast

Lan Fan: he showed off and gave his number out to like half of them

Ling Yao: :O how could u EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

Ling Yao: I tRuSTeD YOu

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: just u fuckin wait ling

Edward Elric: ill leave both u asshats in the GROUND

Alphonse Elric: I mean first u have to

Alphonse Elric: Yknow

Alphonse Elric: Be taller than the ground

Edward Elric: I LIVE WITH U I CAN MAKE UR LIFE FUCKING MISERABLE U HEAR

Winry Rockbell to kyle ron WHOMST???: so about laser tag this weekend

Winry Rockbell: invite lings sister yay or nay

Lan Fan: why not

Rosé Thomas: It’d even us out

Rebecca Catalina: does it even matter tbh we all kno whichever team rizas on is gonna win

Riza Hawkeye: Catalina i resent that statement

Rebecca Catalina: pls point to me where thE LIE IS HAWKEYE

Winry Rockbell: ok then

Winry Rockbell added Mei Chang to the chat

Paninya: EY UVE JUST BECOME PART OF THE MESS THAT IS US SOPHS

Maria Ross: and a few seniors

Paninya: WE’RE BASICALLY A KPOP GROUP BUT BETTER (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Lan Fan: ok we’re going laser tagging this weekend you in

Mei Chang: i feel like i may die if i say no so as long as my idiot brother isn’t going i’m in

Paninya to could u actually perhaps makin bacon pancakes: [DELETED MESSAGE]

Ling Yao: wot

Alphonse Elric: Whos going laser tagging

Winry Rockbell: pan ffs

Paninya: (◔◡◔✿)

Edward Elric: fuckin RUDE

Lan Fan to Panko: what is it

Panko: i have no idea what u mean my dear

Lan Fan: uve been typing for an hour now AND i can hear your teeth grinding from my room

Panko: i have no idea what u could be referring to my sweet

Panko: i just wanna kno how ur days been

Lan Fan: this is about ling isnt it

Panko: dear

Panko: u used an emoji

Panko: u never use emojis

Lan Fan: look i get that youre just looking out for me

Lan Fan: but its fine and so am i

Lan Fan: i really dont need a pity heart to heart

Lan Fan: besides hed give out his number to everyone in the world if he could thats just who he is

Panko: well ur not wrong

Panko: is it bad to say im so glad i rarely have to deal with bois

Lan Fan: girls can be idiots too

Panko: ppl in general usually r

Alphonse Elric to WE CANT KEEP DOWN ALL THAT VODKA ON KRAFT MAC N CHEESE: So i cant feel

Ling Yao: mY FACE WHEN IM WITH U

Alphonse Elric: That and the rest of my body

Alphonse Elric: How is one person so funny and sweet and amazing

Paninya: MY SON HES IN LOVE YALL

Paninya: ITS TRUE FUCKIN LOVE

Paninya: ELRIC 2.0 TEXT ME IF U NEED ANYTHIN

Paninya: CONDOMS

Winry Rockbell: oh god

Paninya: BIRTH CONTROL

Edward Elric: PAN WHAT THE FUCK U THINK AL KNOWS WHAT A CONDOM IS

Paninya: HE IS A HORNY TEENAGE BOI I BET U MY ENTIRE ASS HES USED ONE BEFORE

Lan Fan: PANINYA

Mei Chang: uh

Paninya: oh fuck

Ling Yao: mei so it was U that made that balloon fart noise just now

Lan Fan: ling kindly shut up

Edward Elric: SO AL ISNT BREATHING I THINK HES DEAD

Edward Elric: HES BEEN STARING AT HIS PHONE FOR 10 MINS NOW FUCK WHAT DO I DO

Paninya: CALL 911 U MORON

Lan Fan: where do you live i know CPR

Ling Yao: thats hot

Winry Rockbell: MEI PRETEND U CANT READ

Mei Chang: er i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

Ling Yao: (╯°□°)╯now she gives in to the memes

Edward Elric: ok nvm hes alive

Edward Elric: buT I M NOT GONNA BE FUC KBRB RUNNINGgh

Paninya: rip in peace

Alphonse Elric to how Extra™ do u gotta be to come up with fuccboi: So we’re still down for gta tomorrow right

Alphonse Elric: Ed cant make it because i killed him

Ling Yao: the old ed cant come to the phone right now

Ling Yao: why

Edward Elric: because hes going to cut off lings fucking elbows

Roy Mustang: can you even reach his fingers

Edward Elric: listeN HERE U liL SHIT

Alphonse Elric kicked Edward Elric from the chat

Ling Yao: thats cold

Ling Yao added Edward Elric to the chat

Roy Mustang: i knew it couldnt last

Edward Elric: if any of u polefucks ever want to know how to get ling to do something bother lan fan

Ling Yao: try it again and i will Key Your Face

Ling Yao: she has a physics test tomorrow

Alphonse Elric: Wow

Roy Mustang: :O

Jean Havoc: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edward Elric: i got the beer for tmr night

Alphonse Elric: Damn right u do im not letting u in otherwise

Edward Elric: ignore asshurt over here hes pissed i embarrassed him in front of his date

Roy Mustang: at least he has one

Jean Havoc: yeah have u ever had a girlfriend edward??

Denny Brosh: Do you know what a woman is ned????

Edward Elric has left the chat

Ling Yao to Good Shit ✔💯: hey lan fan

Ling Yao: LAN FAAAAAN

Good Shit ✔💯: what

Ling Yao: guess who i just saw in chem doodling one miss rockbells name on his hw

Good Shit ✔💯: no

Ling Yao: oh yes

Ling Yao: i wanted to take a pic but ed decided to be a good student and tore it off before handing it in

Good Shit ✔💯: does he even try in chem

Ling Yao: no but at least he doesnt fall asleep like he does in lit

Good Shit ✔💯: hemingway puts everyone to sleep

Good Shit ✔💯: read some brontë or steinbeck

Good Shit ✔💯: id say dickens too but anti Semitism and all

Ling Yao: i love it when u talk lit to me

Ling Yao: reminds me of when u used to sneak into our library and read the biggest books u could find

Good Shit ✔💯: better than you climbing up the side of my house to sneak into my room

Ling Yao: pls u loved it

Good Shit ✔💯: debatable

Good Shit ✔💯: club meetings today dont forget

Ling Yao: how can i ur always here to remind me ;)

Winry Rockbell added Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and Rebecca Catalina to ROSE TYLER DEFENSE SQUAD WHERE YALL AT

Winry Rockbell: just so we’re clear friday nights a byob sitch

Lan Fan: well wade was totally off

Ling Yao: atta girl

Paninya: wow and here i was thinkin byob meant bug ur own business

Edward Elric: what the utter fuck

Alphonse Elric: Dont act coy u LIVED a bugs life ed

Winry Rockbell: BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE CAPICHE

Winry Rockbell: jesus now ive got the kim possible theme song stuck in my head

Edward Elric: if one of u picks yoshi i will e n d  u

Paninya: no promises n its not our fault yoshi pushed ur fool ass off mushroom gorge that one time

Rebecca Catalina: LMAOOO

Edward Elric: that demonic fucking dinosaur needs to go extinct

Roy Mustang: since brosh doesnt give a shit do we want to make this a floor thing

Ling Yao: i see what ur doing mercedes benz u sneak ass

Roy Mustang: you caught up yao i can finally start trying

Edward Elric: news flash fuckers i got 5 more ppl today u can both suck my ASS

Winry Rockbell: ok but keep it small

Lan Fan: ,,,,,,,

Maria Ross: this is why timing’s important kids

Ling Yao: how much smaller could his butt get

Roy Mustang: are we even be able to locate it

Rebecca Catalina: does ned even have a torso????

Edward Elric: I HOPE U ALL ROT IN HELL

Paninya changed the chat name to eds ass is bigfoot pass it on

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: is it weird that i cant stop smiling at ed

Winry Rockbell: hes sleeping in the chair across from me

Mulan but Better: a bit

Winry Rockbell: yeah

Winry Rockbell: hes such a nerd

Mulan but Better: but hes your nerd

Roy Mustang changed the chat name to WHO TE HFUCKS IDEA WAS IT O MAKE THIS AFLOOR THING

Edward Elric changed the chat name to URS U FUCKING CURLY STRAW

Paninya to wubba lubba dub dub: all of u need to see this Spicy™ video of ed from last night

Winry Rockbell: pan its 9 fucking am

Winry Rockbell: who tf is up that cares

Paninya: o dont u worry winnie the pooh

Lan Fan: yep shes still drunk

Paninya: i think ed will when he stops groaning in the bathroom there

Paninya sent a video in the chat

Paninya: srsly im postin this on ig later

Winry Rockbell: SHIT thats loud

Alphonse Elric: What the fuck is that

Riza Hawkeye: Is

Riza Hawkeye: Is he singing mad world

Paninya: u bet ur blonde ass he is

Lan Fan: was this after we took turns playing yoshi and demolishing him in mario kart

Paninya: u bet ur toned ass it was

Winry Rockbell: paninya i can barely hear anything over u shouting STRIP STRIP STRIP in the bg

Ling Yao: edward really is tone deaf isnt he

Ling Yao: oh hes stopped puking

Ling Yao: hes looking at his phone

Alphonse Elric: Rip in peace our bloodshot eyes

Edward Elric: wHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS IS THAT

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DID U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DO TO MY PHONE

Ling Yao: HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

Roy Mustang: dear jesus what is happening

Paninya: oH MY WHICH ONE OF U DID THIS

Paninya: I WILL K I S S U

Mei Chang: there is way too much shouting this goddamn early in the morning

Ling Yao: while u were busy cackling over that video i may or may not have convinced lan fan to steal eds phone

Edward Elric: U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS BETTER ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIX MY ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS PHONE OR IM ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Jean Havoc: hes like an infuriated duck with a lisp

Roy Mustang: siri what is the tiniest species of duck

Edward Elric: U WANNA ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIGHT

Paninya: pls tell me one of u hungover fucks is gettin this on video

Mei Chang: lan fan u okay?

Lan Fan: yeah too much shouting i have a headache

Lan Fan: add me back when ed calms down (◕ ‿ ◕✿)

Lan Fan has left the chat

Paninya: hey ed ill bet even yoshi can say fuck

Edward Elric: FOR ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS SAKE

Lan Fan to Guns n Roses: hey

Lan Fan: i dont know where you are rn

Lan Fan: im still sort of hungover and i kind of need someone to talk to who isnt going to get angry or

Lan Fan: try and rationalize everything and well

Lan Fan: do you ever just wish that things could change

Lan Fan: that you could be someone entirely different or that you could get out and leave and not give a damn about anything or anyone or

Lan Fan: because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Guns n Roses: Okay i was at work but i’m coming back right now

Guns n Roses: And i’m going to get you tea and you’re going to tell me whatever you want to tell me okay??

Lan Fan: thanks

Paninya to ID SING OH CANADA TOO IF MY PM HAD AN ASS LIKE THAT: ok but for real

Paninya: dicks r like mushrooms

Paninya: little funny gross mushrooms

Rosé Thomas: Paninya you’re high go home

Paninya: oh sweet flower i wish i was

Winry Rockbell: its 4 fucking am GO TO SLEEP

Paninya: time is an illusion

Paninya to TRICKY tricky TRICKY tricky: i crave the sweet release of death

Edward Elric: FUCKING KARMA

Winry Rockbell: i could hear u playing music at 5 am again today why tf have u been up so late

Paninya: my roommate was screaming french at me

Paninya: she has a test today

Paninya: also

Paninya added Lan Fan to the chat

Paninya: LAN FANNNNNNNN

Lan Fan: i didnt do the psych hw paninya

Lan Fan: and run-dmc doesnt deserve this subpar treatment

Alphonse Elric: Lan fan

Alphonse Elric: Lings been looking for u

Lan Fan: i know its ok dont worry about it

Edward Elric: A FUCKING BIRD JUST SHAT ON MY HEAD

Paninya: what was that????? u said???????

Paninya: about karma?????????

Edward Elric: WHAT IS THIS LITERAL SHIT ON ED DAY

Lan Fan: is that not everyday

Edward Elric: I WILL FIGHT ALL U ASSDICKS

Lan Fan: 3/10 edward

Edward Elric: i will fight me for only i myself am the one assdick here thank u amen and goodbye

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: so i hear you were looking for me

Literal Monkey™: that depends

Literal Monkey™: what did i do lan fan

Literal Monkey™: did i say something

Literal Monkey™: tell me what i did that made you so upset at me

Literal Monkey™: if i did something im sorry i really am but you cant just disappear and not even tell me whats wrong

Lan Fan: i know

Lan Fan: it wasnt you i just

Lan Fan: my grandfathers relapse and its been rough with classes lately

Lan Fan: it kind of hit me that i cant always afford to be chill all the time

Lan Fan: sorry ive been mia

Literal Monkey™: well now i feel like a dick

Literal Monkey™: ur my best friend lan fan and i think ive gotten so used to u being near i freak out when ur not

Literal Monkey™: i guess it kind of says something about me that might not be a good thing

Literal Monkey™: especially since i climbed the side of ur house to see if u went back home and u werent there

Lan Fan: you w h a t

Ling Yao to Frying Pan: in hindsight

Ling Yao: i prob shouldnt have told her about the climbing

Ling Yao: shes not talking to me again

Frying Pan: u done fucked up boiii

Ling Yao: so will u tell me whats really wrong with her now

Frying Pan: not a chance boiii

Winry Rockbell to Wannabe Alchemist: hey i know its kind of sudden

Winry Rockbell: and u prob have other things to do

Wannabe Alchemist: nah im free shoot

Winry Rockbell: could u maybe come with me this weekend

Wannabe Alchemist: …are u sure

Wannabe Alchemist: i mean of course ill go hell even if i had a meeting with the goddamn president id skip it to go anywhere with u

Wannabe Alchemist: but i dont want to overstep my right or anything

Winry Rockbell: no ed u could never impose

Winry Rockbell: its just been kind of a shit year

Winry Rockbell: i dont know if i can handle going to visit them alone this time

Wannabe Alchemist: dont worry im there for u

Wannabe Alchemist: whatever u need

Winry Rockbell: i

Winry Rockbell: thanks ed

Wannabe Alchemist: theyd be proud of u win

Winry Rockbell: :)

Winry Rockbell: not to degrade ur sentiment or anything because damn ed u can be sweet

Winry Rockbell: but id do buttfuck anything besides meet with our president

Wannabe Alchemist: i read that as u would butt fuck anything but shit u right

Mei Chang to “3/10 WASNT EVEN THAT BAD” famous last words: paninya was that you outside my school trying to sell taylor swift tshirts

Lan Fan: paninya what the hell

Paninya: ok HS GIRLS EAT TSWIFT UP

Mei Chang: you looked stalkerish as hell my principal was going to call the police

Winry Rockbell: just burn them in a rusty can like the ratchet ho u are

Paninya: what is This Disrespect™ n pls im not gonna burn them that merch cost me lk 984759 bucks

Lan Fan: sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and why tf would u sell them taylor swift is finally getting interesting

Winry Rockbell: yeah shes finally being savage af isnt this what u signed up for

Paninya: hey i signed up for Drama Taylor

Paninya: this is just plain whoring for attention

Alphonse Elric: Not sure those terms are mutually exclusive

Edward Elric: HOLY FUCK

Lan Fan: speaking of whoring for attention

Edward Elric: I GOT MUSTANG TO PLAY LEAGUE

Edward Elric: went straight for brand the dumb fucking pyromaniac

Alphonse Elric: Can i just remind u that ur first time ur jerk ass went right for garen

Edward Elric: GAREN is a PERFECTLY FUCKING GOOD CHAMPION TO GO FOR WHEN UR A NOOB DUMBASS

Alphonse Elric: Sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and a bit like neds trying to compensate for something

Edward Elric: U ALL AINT SHIT

Lan Fan: its yaint

Ling Yao: u uncultured fuck

Paninya: k first of all lol is a game for 13 year old prepubescent boys

Lan Fan: so perfect for edward

Edward Elric: DONT FUCKING TRY U KNOW UR A HO FOR AKALI

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,dont say 3/10 u know i would rather fucking die

Lan Fan: then perish

Alphonse Elric: Ed did U make that whale noise

Winry Rockbell: the real question here is paninya???? can actually spell???????? words???????? whAT??????

Paninya: SECOND OF ALL any of u want tswift shirts hmu (◡‿◡✿)

Edward Elric: taylor swift is fucking great why the fuck would u sell them

Winry Rockbell: ………..

Alphonse Elric: ……………………

Paninya: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Lan Fan changed the chat name to ill take edward elric is fake Punk Rock™ for 800 alex

Edward Elric: OI U CAN BE PUNK ROCK AND STILL LISTEN TO GUILTY PLEASURE POP

Winry Rockbell: SOUNDS FAKE BUT OK

Rosé Thomas added Mei Chang, Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, and Riza Hawkeye to Unnamed

Paninya changed the chat name to PROJECT LINGFAN

Paninya: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP

Alphonse Elric: What the hell is lingfan

Paninya: PLS WITHHOLD ALL QUESTIONS TILL THE END OF THE BRIEFING MY PRECIOUS CHILD

Winry Rockbell: she continues??? to spell????? correctly???????? what i am amazed?????????????

Paninya: ROCKBELL FULL OFFENSE STFU

Winry Rockbell: rude

Paninya: SO EVERYONE HERE KNOWS OUR GOOD FRIEND LING YAO AKA SHIFTY AKA MONKEY BOI AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Mei Chang: if i say no can i leave

Paninya: AND EVERYONE ALSO KNOWS MY SPICY GIRL LIGHT OF MY LIFE LAN FAN AKA DEFINITION OF BADASS AKA EDS WORST NIGHTMARE AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Edward Elric: she is not my worst fucking nightmare

Mei Chang: so you don’t turn into a stuttering baby every time she brings up 3/10

Edward Elric: U WERENT THERE U DONT FUCKING K N O W

Paninya: AND EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT THOSE 2 HAVE THE BIGGEST RAGING BONERS FOR EACH OTHER THAT ANYONES EVER FUCKIN SEEN YEA

Winry Rockbell: i feel like there was a better way of putting that

Edward Elric: wait hold THE FUCK UP ur fucking with me right

Roy Mustang: yes edward

Roy Mustang: she made an entire separate chat and invited all these people just so she could fuck with you

Alphonse Elric: Thats literally what the normal group chat is for wtf ned

Edward Elric: what the UTTER FUCK???? LING AND LAN FAN????????

Rosé Thomas: You were right winry he’s blind

Alphonse Elric: Dude how the hell are u so ignorant

Riza Hawkeye: Edward are you really unaware of this

Edward Elric: HOW DO U ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS WHAT THE FUCK

Roy Mustang: id ask if you saw them at the floor party but i remembered you were too busy practicing for your x factor audition

Paninya: OK ED SINCE UR CLEARLY THE OBLIVIOUSEST FUCKING PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE GODDAMN PLANET

Winry Rockbell: obliviousest

Winry Rockbell: i knew it wouldnt last

Paninya: LET ME JUST HIT U WITH SOME EXAMPLES

Paninya: LAN FAN NEVER BLUSHES UNLESS U MENTION LING TO HER AND THEYVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE C H I L D H O O D

Paninya: WHEN LAN FAN SHATTERED HER ARM IN FRESHMAN YEAR LING CARRIED HER HALFWAY TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL AND SLEPT NEXT TO HER SICKBED FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK SHE WAS THERE

Roy Mustang: he threatened to and i quote ‘key your face’ if you bothered her again

Winry Rockbell: lan fan only shattered her arm that time because some dumbass thugs tried to jump ling in order to threaten his dad

Mei Chang: whenever lan fan doesnt answer him right away he gets all huffy and paces for hours and checks his phone like 500 times until she replies LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES

Paninya: LITERALLY TODAY OK RIZA CAN CONFIRM IM WALKIN TO MEET LAN FAN FOR PSYCH AND I SEE HER PRACTICING A FUCKING KARATE MOVE OR SOME SHIT WITH LING ON THE QUAD

Paninya: SHE STARTS LAUGHING AND I SWEAR ON MY FANTASTIC ASS LING STARES AT HER FOR 10 WHOLE MINS

Paninya: SHES BENDING HIS LEG FARTHER THAN ANY LEG SHOULD BEND AND HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE SHES THE ONLY DAMN THING WORTH KNOWING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKIN UNIVERSE

Paninya: THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENIN FOR YEARS I CANT EVEN WITH THEIR UNNECESSARY ANGST ANYMORE

Paninya: THEY NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE I ACTUALLY FUCKIN EXPLODE JFC (╯✿◕益◕)╯︵ ┻━┻

Riza Hawkeye: That is indeed what happened

Rosé Thomas: And that’s why we made this chat

Rosé Thomas: So all of you can experience our pain

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,

Alphonse Elric: Seriously wtf is a lingfan

Mei Chang to pacific rim uprising is the sequel we didnt know we wanted and always needed no one fight me on this: you all know my name is mei right

Paninya: first time im hearin it

Mei Chang: because my calc teacher doesnt

Winry Rockbell: oh god what does he call u

Mei Chang: literally ‘mee’

Edward Elric: RIP IN FUCKING PEACE

Paninya: wot in tarnation

Ling Yao: u mean wot in pronunciation

Mei Chang: mee-eye is okay and mYE sure but MEE

Paninya: dw a teacher called me panYEA once lk??? bless u????

Edward Elric: omfg PETITION TO CALL PANINYA PANYEAH FROM NOW ON

Lan Fan: panno

Winry Rockbell: a teacher called me wine-ry in fifth grade like how in the actual fuck could u mess win-ree up

Edward Elric: maybe bc u were indeed hella whiny

Winry Rockbell: at least she knew i was there u were too smol to see over the table

Alphonse Elric: Better loud than nonexistent

Edward Elric: GTFO AL I WAS FUCKING TALLER THAN U

Paninya: “was”

Mei Chang: in any case i’m done trying to correct him hello yes my name is mee

Ling Yao: and wen it nite

Paninya: wtf r u on ling yao n where can i get some

Winry Rockbell: its another fucking meme i stg lan fan pls control this boy

Lan Fan: the kalc teachre cannt saye it rhite

Ling Yao: vINdICatION

Edward Elric to PROJECT LINGFAN: fuck this they gotta be in love

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: hey theyre selling stroop waffles outside the bio building

Winry Rockbell: i can grab some for u if ur in class

Winry Rockbell: wait is that u in line

Winry Rockbell: are u wearing a lab coat

Winry Rockbell: u ran out of class didnt u

Winry Rockbell: did u not even bother to take off ur goggles u look like a nerdy terminator

Winry Rockbell: how many are u buying holy shit ARE U STUFFING THEM IN UR LABORATORY COAT POCKETS

Winry Rockbell: DID U JUST N A R U T O  R U N OUT OF THE QUAD

Mulan but Better: why are you still asking me you know the answers yes

Roy Mustang to My Queen™: theyre selling stroop waffles right now

My Queen™: Has ling gotten there yet

Roy Mustang: theyre no longer selling stroop waffles right now

Rosé Thomas to 7 excellents and LAN FAN THE WAFFLE TRAITOR: It’s official

Rosé Thomas: Mustang won the bet

Winry Rockbell: wow i forgot that was still going on

Maria Ross: how’s ed taking it

Rosé Thomas: Oh how you would think he’d take it

Paninya: EYYYY EDS GONNA ATTRACT THE CAMPUS POPO AGAIN

Roy Mustang to PROJECT LINGFAN (WHAT IS A LINGFAN SOMEONE TELL ME ALREADY): if ling lost the bet he had to choose

Roy Mustang: either actually outright confess to lan fan or end whatever it is they have

Paninya: Y TF WOULD U GIVE HIM THE SECOND OPTION ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS STOP DANCIN AROUND EACH OTHER N BANG

Alphonse Elric: Paninya its more complicated than that

Paninya: WHAT IN THE 7TH RING OF HELL COULD BE SO COMPLICATED ABOUT THIS

Mei Chang: long story short

Mei Chang: our familys shit deep in politics

Mei Chang: either ling gets in there shit deep too or hes married off

Edward Elric: well fuck

Rosé Thomas: Lan fan knows

Rosé Thomas: When she messaged me after the party i found out that this is why she was so upset

Rosé Thomas: Apparently a drunk ling told her that she should leave him because ‘he’s scared about what would happen if he stopped caring and she deserves better than a coward’

Paninya: well now i feel like shit

Mei Chang: welcome to my world

Mei Chang to Secret Swiftie: remember how you came to my school and almost got arrested

Mei Chang: a couple of girls are asking about your tshirts

Secret Swiftie: call it what u want is a fuckin eargasm I TAKE IT ALL BACK ALL OF IT

Secret Swiftie: I HAVE HEARD AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE A N G E L

Mei Chang: great i’ll tell them you died

Lan Fan to WHOS FAKE PUNK ROCK NOW U FILTHY FUCKING HYPOCRITES P A N I N Y A: has anyone seen my book

Paninya: what book is it

Lan Fan: howard’s end

Alphonse Elric: Forsters great

Winry Rockbell: sorry i havent

Lan Fan: its fine i probably left it in the studio

Ling Yao: oi i was just kicked out of the dining hall what kind of DISRESPECT

Paninya: k but u were eatin all the soup

Ling Yao: is that a crime now

Winry Rockbell: u took the entire pot ling

Lan Fan: you didnt even try to be stealthy about it you just ran back to your seat giggling

Mei Chang: how are they just kicking you out now

Lan Fan: oh they have he climbs back in through the window

Edward Elric: last week u complained the rice wasnt cooked

Ling Yao: have u????? had the rice here??????? itS C R U N C H Y

Edward Elric: jfc lower ur standards ur highness this is college

Lan Fan: you dont pay 70K a year to eat

Paninya: just suck it up lk the rest of us

Winry Rockbell: its either this or starve yao

Ling Yao: :O

Ling Yao changed the chat name to fake friends™

Alphonse Elric to cAn yOU FEeL iT Now mR KRAbs: What the everloving fuck do i have to murder to find out what the shit lingfan is?????¿¿¿¿¿

Lan Fan: …..

Alphonse Elric: Ah

Alphonse Elric: Wrong chat

Paninya: (✿◉‿◉)

Winry Rockbell: AL FOR THE LOV EOF

Winry Rockbell kicked Lan Fan from the chat

Winry Rockbell kicked Ling Yao from the chat

Mei Chang: you know they can still see previous messages

Edward Elric: fuckkkkkk

Paninya: well first time not directin this at edward

Paninya: duuuuuude u fucked up

Panko to Lan Fan: hey i saved u a seat in psych but u didnt look over

Panko: is this about kickin u out of the squad chat

Lan Fan: do they all know

Panko: uh kno what

Lan Fan: does everyone know paninya

Panko: if i answer will u promise not to disappear again

Panko: no one told anyone else about it if thats what ur angry about we all figured it out by ourselves

Panko: well except for ed but that boi is dumb af

Panko: n im not sayin u guys were obvious or anything it took a while until we saw it

Lan Fan: i think im going to go back to my grandfathers for the weekend

Panko: pls dont drop off the face of the earth again

Lan Fan: i wont i was going to go back anyway and space is good

Panko: ur not the only one in this lan fan

Panko: no matter how much u wont see it

Lan Fan: (◠‿◠✿)

Winry Rockbell to PROJECT LINGFAN (ALPHONSE ELRIC DONE FUCKED UP YALL): so lan fans gone

Winry Rockbell: when did u say ling had to make a choice mustang

Roy Mustang: i didnt??

Edward Elric: u said he had to make a decision and DIDNT GIVE HIM A SHITDAMN DEADLINE

Edward Elric: ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW HONDA

Paninya: well thats just great chevrolet

Riza Hawkeye: You really didnt think this through bmw

Roy Mustang: wow at least i didnt blow our cover

Alphonse Elric: Dont throw me under the bus with u toyota at least im repentant

Paninya: alright well now that lamborgini royally fucked up

Winry Rockbell: “lamborgini”

Winry Rockbell: so close

Edward Elric: so what the fuck is gonna happen now

Winry Rockbell: ok mei can talk to ling bc she lives with him

Mei Chang: unfortunately

Rosé Thomas: I don’t know if lan fan will be willing to talk

Rosé Thomas: She used an emoji again

Mei Chang: actually i’ll talk to her someone else tackle my brother

Paninya: idk how to speak fuccboi language one of the guys gotta do it

Winry Rockbell: after roy and als fuckups who else can we choose

Edward Elric: RUDE

Roy Mustang: sit down you didnt even know they were a thing

Edward Elric: MAYBE BC I DONT POKE MY FUCKING NOSE INTO OTHER PPLS BUSINESS

Alphonse Elric: Well ofc u physically cant ned

Winry Rockbell: can u even see other ppl without platform shoes

Mei Chang: or a ladder

Edward Elric: UR FUCKING SHORTER THAN ME JFC

Paninya to milk: hate it, shouting: always, music taste: shite = I AM FORCIBLY SHUT INTO THE BODY OF A SIX YEAR OLD: RIZA TOLD ME THERE IS A PETTING ZOO 3 MILES AWAY YALL MEET AT MY CAR IN 5

Edward Elric: we’re already fucking here

Ling Yao: lol weve been here for an hour

Alphonse Elric: Mustangs been holding a komodo dragon for approx half that time

Mei Chang: winry drove us and there are llamas

Winry Rockbell: i am surrounded by puppies rn am i dead

Paninya: bitch u r to me im writin u all out of my will CLEARLY ALL MY M8S ARE SHIT

Ling Yao to Sister Mine: mei

Ling Yao: meiiiiiii

Sister Mine: i’m literally right next to you what

Ling Yao: have u ever seen lan fan with her hair down

Sister Mine: once during the floor party you all snuck me into

Sister Mine: why do you ask

Ling Yao: her hair tie broke a few days ago and she was fussing with it and i couldnt breathe

Sister Mine: when her hair is down??

Ling Yao: up, down, soaking, gone

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away, mei

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away no matter what she does, or say, or looks like and i am a coward

Sister Mine: you may be right

Ling Yao: are you ashamed of me?

Sister Mine: that depends

Sister Mine: what do you plan to do about it

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: hey i know its 5 am and youre probably not even awake and this is probably useless anyway considering ive been transparent as all hell

Lan Fan: but i dont think sleep is an option until i tell you

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous and full of it and infuriating and reckless and beautiful and just so so idiotic

Lan Fan: id have to be too i guess

Lan Fan: to be in love with you even after all of it

Lan Fan: and i really am just that

Lan Fan: idiotic and in love with you

Literal Monkey™: thanks

Lan Fan: did you just breakfast at tiffanys me

Literal Monkey™: yes because you would understand it

Literal Monkey™: you understand lan fan

Literal Monkey™: every shitty meme or reference or word i say you’ll always always understand

Literal Monkey™: just like how you understand that im all those things you said i was

Literal Monkey™: im reckless and infuriating and indecisive and greedy and far too ridiculous to deserve you and you understand that

Literal Monkey™: and if youre idiotic for being in love with me then im a hundred times more and you understand why too

Lan Fan: i think you have too much faith in me

Literal Monkey™: i think you have too little

Literal Monkey™: come to your window

Lan Fan: what why

Literal Monkey™: because its hard to type when im barely holding onto your window frame and looking like a hero straight out of an austen novel and honestly id rather told you how much im in love with you in person

Literal Monkey™: convention and all that

Lan Fan: well alright then

Paninya changed the chat name to IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED LADS LINGFAN IS REAL FUCKING CHRIST NO MORE ANGST I AM LIBERATEDDDD

Alphonse Elric: Great so can someone pls explain wtf a lingfan is now

Edward Elric: Read at 8:09 AM

FULL VERSION AND CONTINUATION HERE

#this was way too long even for a read more #whoops #hey i wrote a thing #also on AO3 #fanfiction #social media au #fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #fma #edward elric #winry rockbell #ling yao #lan fan #lingfan #edwin #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #paninya #rose thomas #alphonse elric #mei chang #READ THE FULL VERSION USING THE LINK IF U WANT #my writing #IT HAS MORE EDWIN #quiet chelle #chatfic #lingfan is the otp i am not sorry

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

#Open For Sicc Facts Abt Me #ianposting

[bergaruh]

Tagged by @wheezboys​ thank u so much??!!?

Rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last:

1. Drink - coffee 

2. Phone call - mac or my grandmother i dont know which 

3. Text message - my friend jesse!

4. Song you listened to - should have known better, sufjan stevens

5. Time you cried - i crushed my finger under the cream machine at work today and tears rose to my eyes unbidden 

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice? - ive never dated :(

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - ive kissed two people and hated both of them in the end 

8. Been cheated on - not technically 

9. Lost someone special - we all have at some point i think

10. Been depressed - i mean.....yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - i will never throw up. i won't let myself im not even kidding

Fave colours:

12. red

13. purple

14. olive green

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - no the last friend i made was tessa and that was over a year ago now!!!

16. Fallen out of love - platonically, yeah

17. Laughed until you cried - yeah there was this one post and i fukcnig died last night ask me for it im dying to laugh again jhfklghfdljkghd

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yesterday! 

19. Met someone who changed you - yeah, not great

20. Found out who your friends are - i dont have irl friends anymore so i guess thats a yes?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no i blocked ****** and j*sse doesn't have social media

General:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but two that i met on tungle

23. Do you have any pets -technically no but my parents have a gorgeous boy named stinky (ask for pics and ye shall receive) 

24. Do you want to change your name - Most Desperately 

25. What did you do for your last birthday - i was at my friend jess’ and her mother found out ive never gotten a birthday cake and made me a cinnamon roll with a candle and i almost cried

26. What time did you wake up today - 06:15

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - trying to sleep

28. What is something you can’t wait for - friday i get trained for my executive position at my school!

30. What are you listening to right now - eugene, sufjan stevens (BEST SUFJAN SONG) 

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah!! we wrote music together! i wanted to uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... d*te him 

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - all my impending deadlines :)

33. Most visited website - JSTOR

34. Hair colour - blonde but brown in some places

35. Long or short hair - long and thicc 

36. Do you have a crush on someone - kind of??? but i dont Know because th*mas really fuvked me up

37. What do you like about yourself - nothing much to like! 

38. Want any piercings? - i have Several and i think i want my next one to be on my nose somewhere

39. Blood type -  o negative

40. Nicknames - zak is technically a nickname since its short for zacharian but zak attack (tessa), sweet gee (myself but also tessa), geesus (mac)

41. Relationship status - single and gay

42. Zodiac - scorpio 

43. Pronouns - he/they 

44. Fave tv shows - x files, dirk gently, t**n w*lf (sorry god sorry mam), hannibal, the good place

45. Tattoos -two on my leg. a mourning band and karma police

46. Right or left handed - left but i can write faster with my right hand because my mother legit forced me to as a kid

47. Ever had surgery - again, Several, 

48. Piercings - i had my lip pierced but it got ripped out in a fight. my ears are pierced thrice on both sides and an industrial on the right

49. Sport - i was in a car accident that crushed the left side of my body so not anymore but i used to play soccer, rugby, and i figure skated 

50. Vacation - road trip around north america w my friends!

51. Trainers - as in shoes? i have some. 

More general:

52. Eating - im scared to eat rn because theres a stomach bug going around and my roommate had it yesterday and if i dont eat i won't be able to throw up so 

53. Drinking - i drink whiskey every day of my life. also coffee. and when im feeling healthy, tea. 

54. I’m about to watch - nothing im writing a research paper on commodus and nero

55. Waiting for - the day i finally best god in hand to hand combat

56. Want - to finish this essay

57. Get married - for sure! id love to be like “thats my husband!” and knock someone tf OUT

Which is better:

59. Hugs or kisses - not great w physical contact tbh

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - uuuuuuuh im 4′11″ so im gonna say....taller......

62. Older or younger - older im 20 so right now anyone younger is kinda weird for me

63. Nice arms or stomach - ARMS justin_bieber_i_love_arm.jpg

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker i cause shit all the time 

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger - not physically

67. Drank hard liquor - yeah moonshine is my bitch

68. Lost glasses - no i only had one pair throughout my entire life and then i switched to contacts and wore them way longer than ur supposed to because it was cheaper and now i Just Dont See

69. Turned someone down - yeah and it was awkward

70. Sex on first date - never dated so No

71. Broken someones heart - i think so but u know

72. Had your heart broken - oh yeah losing vogal felt like losing family

73. Been arrested - :)

74. Cried when someone died - mark

75. Fallen for a friend - jesse i guess but not really

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself - absolutely not im a bozo 

77. Miracles - no 

78. Love at first sight - no but i believe u were meant for some people?? like at first sight is a little soon but some people u meet and u Know i guess

79. Santa Claus - yeah!! its so uplifting to think he's real, christmas feels that much better if u do

80. Kiss on a first date - i wouldn't but you do you! if ur comfortable and u ask u can and should! 

81. Angels - i want to

Other:

82. Best friend’s name - tessa! stormy! begrudgingly mac... 

83. Eye colour - one is blue and one is green but if u weren't looking u wouldn't notice

84. Fave movie: rn pacrim is my Interest so we’ll say pacific rim

85. Fave actor- HUGH DANCY

Tagging: @unsolvedbfs @spoookystardust @ghoulign (even tho u already did it) and uuuuh anyone who wants to! the ppl i usually tag on main aren't in this fandom and i dont know many ppl 

#a whisper #txt

[transbcyfriend]

Every question for the ask meme

carolyn i mcfucking owe u my life bless u for indulging my need to overshare

1. Last kiss

a friend of mine. not gonna call him out tho.

2. Last phone call

mmmm @lazybones25

3. Last text message

also @lazybones25

4. Last song you listened to

me from the 1975! it inspires me when i write slam poetry it’s good

5. Last time you cried

uhhhhhh couple of days ago? only for like 5 seconds tho a wave of emotion just kinda happened and that was it and i was just kinda left there like “???”

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice

uh-huh

7. Been cheated on

mmm…don’t think i have actually! surprisingly.

8. Self harmed

skip, next question

9. Lost someone special

yeah

10. Been depressed

and still not diagnosed for it

11. Been drunk and threw up

no but i almost did once

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. had sex

do you count only things irl, or also online intimacy? bc if online counts, yes.

13. How many people have you had sex with this year?

just 1.

15. Made a new friend

yep!

17. Laughed until you cried

i have it was good

18. Met someone who changed you

mmmmm don’t think so

19. Found out who your true friends were

YEP

20. Found out someone was talking about you

UH-HUH

26. What did you do for your last Birthday

iiiiiiii remember going to outback steakhouse, and i tried not to let anyone know it was my birthday bc i knew they were going to do something stupid embarrassing. they found out. i was right. they forced me onto a saddle and sang a thing. i’m cringing just writing this

27. What time did you wake up today

about 12:30!

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for

may when i finally get to see @lazybones25 irl for the first time

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time

last year arouuuuuuuund july/august! my parents and i go to new york every year in the late summer to visit my mom’s grandparents, and my half-brothers wanted to come see us, so.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life

i wish i could see my bf already

32. What are you listening to right now

now i’m listening to 2yl from the front bottoms

33. When is the last time you had sex?

again, online stuff included? mmmm…about a week ago? about.

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now

no one in particular! just ppl i’ve been salty with for a while now

35. Most visited webpage

oh what a surprise it’s tungle.hell

36. Favorite colour

most shades of blue and black are at a tie

37. Nicknames

vinny, altoid, mint, box, sans, ya boi, and thirsty bitch are among a few

38. Relationship Status

taken!

39. Zodiac sign

i’m an aries sun, aries moon, and pisces rising

40. Male or female

boys r us

41. Primary school

mmm not gonna say bc it’s a little too close to home 

42. Secondary School

same as above, little too close to where i am

43. High school/college

not gonna say the hs, but i do go to mesa community college!

44. Eye color

some say brown, some say hazel. more of a hazel-leaning brown imo. can’t see it in most circumstances, but if you’re super close to my face, you can see some other colors mixed in there like green ‘n whatnot.

46. Height

5′0″

47. Do you have a crush on someone

mhm ,, , he’s with me tho so i mean?? would that even Count

48. What do you like about yourself

i like my own creativeness when it’s a good thing – like the whole webcomic shit, that’s dope

49. Piercings

i have my left ear pierced twice, both next to each other in the lower dangly bit of cartilage – @carlthetitan was there!

50. Tattoos

not yet but there’s a few i want

51. Righty or lefty

i’m a righty

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing

my ear, only about a month ago

54. First best friend

@infinitelycastiel

55. First hookup

this one girl i knew in middle school named leah

56. First Bestfriend

u asked this already

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating

ramen

60. Drinking

milk

61. I’m about to

call customer service so i can get my tablet’s pen pressure to work

62. Listening to

be yourself by harrison storm

63. Waiting for

someone to get up so i can send a package in the mail

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids?

maybe – but it depends on how ready i am for it financially, if i’m raising a kid i’m gonna be sure they’re taken care of

65. Get married?

mmm…i can see it happening

66. Career

something with art or creative writing – not too sure yet

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes

lips – not only can you show affection with them, but you can get more info that way. eyes are the windows to the soul, yeah, but they can only get across so much. at least, with me.

68. Hugs or kisses

hugs – can’t get tired, you can even do it when you’re sleeping, body heat/warmth. should i go on?

69. Shorter or taller

shorter. not that there’s too many people my age or older that i know that are.

70. Older or Younger

older. idk – i like company from people that’re at least a couple of years ahead.

71. Romantic or spontaneous

romantic. i’m a sucker for sap.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms

nice arms!

73. Sensitive or loud

sensitive, hands down. good shit hhf–

74. Hook-up or relationship

relationship. i mean as fun as hook-ups are, i like stability and affection n shit

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger

i have!

77. Drank hard liquor

yep

78. Lost glasses/contacts

nope

79. Had sex

UH-HUH

80. Broken someone’s heart

next

82. Been arrested

nope thank god

83. Turned someone down

yep

84. Cried when someone died

who doesn’t?

85. Fallen for a friend

mmm…if there was a time i took the fall i don’t remember it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself

i try to more often than not

87. Miracles

every so often, there is one, yeah

88. Love at first sight

idk – maybe? never happened to me, but y’know

89. Heaven

for other people? sure. for me? nah, i’m reincarnating

90. Santa Clause

nah

91. Kiss on the first date

i mean shit happens yeah?

92. Angels

maybe not in the metaphysical sense, but in a metaphorical sense yeah

93. How would you label yourself?

local goblin, queer, very gay, doggo worshiper

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For

i mean i hope @lazybones25 is doing ok literally the second i wake up to the time i go to bed everyday so does that count

95. Did you sing today

answered here

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About

next question, out of my sight

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

hm…i dunno! i mean it’s not like i can be seen by anyone or anything and risk even slightly altering the timeline, so…maybe to a few seconds ago or some shit.

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For

@lazybones25 – his happiness and comfort, and generally just for things to go well

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?

yeah. but i mean – i’m here now, and i’m comfortable and happy, so it’s not as bad as i’ve been conditioned to think

100. Do you like the way you look?

i like to think i look decent

#sanswers;; #carlthetitan

[nireos]

hey i made this like two days ago and forgot to post it. I was tagged by @the-tevinter-biscuit lets do this

1ST RULE: tag 10 people you want to get to know better

heres all the ppl i tag: @n-moore @jeannakirschtein @rittle-me-this @inventiveparadox @venatoriii @aestheticallybellarke and uhh whoever else wants to do it? tbh if u see this consider yourself tagged now 

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair  I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

LAST:

Last drink: plain water 

Last phone call: my dad 

Last text message: “ahahaha honestly i wouldnt be that embarrassed of douchepants”

Last song you listened to: Violet by Hippo Campus

Last time I cried: uhhhhhh last month?

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: naw

Been cheated on: nope

Kissed someone and regretted it: eeehhh kinda but not really

Lost someone special: haha for sure

Been depressed: probs 

Been drunk and thrown up: no

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: iiii... guess?? im really,, reluctant to call people my friends, even if i consider them friends hhskfj

Fallen out of love: nope

Laughed until you cried: most likely 

Met someone who changed you: shrug

Found out who your true friends are: :^) lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: not really? 

GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: one 

Do you have any pets: :( no :(

Do you want to change your name: BOY DO I. id love to go by my preferred name irl but alas

What time did you wake up this morning: like 8:30 am lmao i didnt make it to the gym today

What were you doing last night: started watching “la planète sauvage” and then played some sims 

Name something you cannot wait for: were going to see Coco this saturday! also dnd in two weeks 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: eeuhhh does thomàs count

What’s getting on your nerves rn: exams :/

Blood type: O+

Nickname: dave

Relationship status: single ;^) 

Zodiac sign: sagittarius/capricorn?

Pronouns: he/him

Favorite tv show: uhhhhhh gravity falls

College: going right now.

Hair colour: black

Do you have a crush on someone: maybe. im most likely jealous but still lol

What do you like about yourself: i really like my hair and skin color 

FIRSTS:

First surgery: never had surgery!

First piercing: my ears lol 

First sport you joined: volleyball

First vacation: uhh acapulco i guess?

First pair of sneakers: ?????

Eating: what even is this asking??

Drinking: lol i honestly dont know i guess i had my first proper alcohol when i was like 15? 

I’m about to: go to beeedd

Listening to: Gay Pirates by Cosmo Jarvis

Want kids: no thank u

Get married: lol maybe (im already rp married to jade what else do i want honestly)

Career:  translation / language teaching!

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: b oth sorry

Shorter or taller: taller 

Older or younger: older

Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous 

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hhhhhesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: nah

Drank hard liquor: yes

Lost glasses/contacts: i dont wear them

Sex on first date: ahahahaha nah

Broken someone’s heart: i guess

Been arrested: nope

Turned someone down: yep

Fallen for a friend: hmm... not really? 

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: im tryin 

Miracles: ehhhh 

Love at first sight: nope

Heaven: naw

Santa Claus: absolutely

#about me #bullshit.txt

[mattyponcho-blog]

ASK ME STUFF 1: Full name Matthew Richard paurus 2: Age 20 3: 3 Fears being alone being murdered and being lied to by important ppl 4: 3 things I love; babe football cats 5: 4 turns on grab my dick laugh at my jokes mcnuggets and b 6: 4 turns off ignoring me/no response; telling me what to do/calling me out ; unnecessary complaining; and when bitches are full of themselves 7: My best friend brady 8: Sexual orientation str8 9: My best first date Kiersten 10: How tall am I like 5'11" idfk 11: What do I miss cuddlin wit b 12: What time were I born like 10 at night 13: Favourite color yello 14: Do I have a crush HELLYA 15: Favourite quote anything my grandpa used to say 16: Favourite place anywhere she is 17: Favourite food pizza 18: Do I use sarcasm lol nah fam 19: What am I listening to right now my dads music 20: First thing I notice in new person how friendly/approachable they are 21: Shoe size like 9.5/10 22: Eye color blue 23: Hair color brown/ blonde idek 24: Favourite style of clothing muhhfuckin streetwear 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes 27: Meaning behind my URL nah 28: Favourite movie idk 29: Favourite song lil pump 30: Favourite band lil pump 31: How I feel right now eskedit 32: Someone I love Kierstenkierstenkierstenkiersten 33: My current relationship status TAKEN BITCH 34: My relationship with my parents Good 35: Favourite holiday um Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing i have lol my ears 37: Tattoos and piercing i want nah 38: The reason I joined Tumblr I was bored 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nah I'm on good terms w everyone 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? only if I say it first lol 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Ya 42: When did I last hold hands? Thursday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 5-30 mins 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No 45: Where am I right now? living room 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Hopefully b but I can do it myself just fine 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUDNIGGA 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? ya 49: Am I excited for anything? For babe and the vikings 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? I try to tell b everything 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? A lot less this year 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Yesterday 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lol dylan idk 55: What is something I disliked about today? Wish babe wasn't so sad 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Lil pump or tom hanks 57: What do I think about most? B 58: What’s my strangest talent? I can crack my ankles 59: Do I have any strange phobias? Idk 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind my ass ugly 61: What was the last lie I told? Idk 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Nah 64: Do I believe in magic? Nah but that shits cool 65: Do I believe in luck? Yes 66: What’s the weather like right now? Fine 67: What was the last book I’ve read? Lol let me travel back to 9th grade and find out 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? A lil 69: Do I have any nicknames? Mattyp 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Dislocated my elbows a bunch 71: Do I spend money or save it? SPEND 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? sometimes 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Ya 74: Favourite animal? Cat 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Smokin with dylan 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Raymond Curtis 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? any ignorant SoundCloud rap 78: How can you win my heart? Show that u have faith in me and show that u think that my opinion/thoughts matter bc I hardly even think that 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Eskedit 80: What is my favorite word? Moist 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr idk 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Eskedit 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Nah 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? superdick 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Do u love urself 86: What is my current desktop picture? Babe 87: Had sex? Ya 88: Bought condoms? Ya 89: Gotten pregnant? Nah 90: Failed a class? Ya 91: Kissed a boy? Nah 92: Kissed a girl? Ya 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Ya 94: Had job? Ya 95: Left the house without my wallet? Ya 96: Bullied someone on the internet? No 97: Had sex in public? lol yeah 😂 98: Played on a sports team? Ya 99: Smoked weed? Ya 100: Did drugs? Ya 101: Smoked cigarettes?ya 102: Drank alcohol?ya 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?no 104: Been overweight? Used to 105: Been underweight? Yup 106: Been to a wedding? Ya 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Probably 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Ya 109: Been outside my home country? Never been on a real vacation 110: Gotten my heart broken? Ya 😒 111: Been to a professional sports game? Ya 112: Broken a bone? I think so 113: Cut myself? Ya 114: Been to prom? Ya that shit gay 115: Been in airplane? Once 116: Fly by helicopter? No 117: What concerts have I been to? Mac&wiz, riff raff, soundset 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? No 119: Learned another language? Hardly 120: Wore make up? Marisa held me down against my will once 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Ya 122: Had oral sex? Ya nigga 123: Dyed my hair? Ya 124: Voted in a presidential election? Ya 125: Rode in an ambulance? No 126: Had a surgery? No 127: Met someone famous? Al franken 128: Stalked someone on a social network? Define stalk 129: Peed outside? Ya 130: Been fishing? Ya 131: Helped with charity? Ya 132: Been rejected by a crush? Um I think idk 133: Broken a mirror? Probably 134: What do I want for birthday? Babe 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 1 and something traditional not some stupid fruity ass shit ppl are coming up with nowadays 136: Was I named after anyone? No 137: Do I like my handwriting? When I try 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? Knives jk idek lol 139: Favourite Tv Show? fnl oth snl friends bmw idk 140: Where do I want to live when older? Somewhere with babe 141: Play any musical instrument? Recorder 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Birth 143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni 144: Am I afraid of the dark? Nah 145: Am I afraid of heights? Nah 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? lol maybe 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? SOML 148: What I’m really bad at. Life 149: What my greatest achievments are i graduated 😐 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me ppl aren't mean to my face idk probably any one thing Kierstens parents have said about me lol 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery emancipate my bby 152: What do I like about myself I have common sense and I like my sense of humor 153: My closest Tumblr friend b 154: Something I fantasise about b 155: Any question you’d like? eskedit

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much.......... #literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji] #caps / #negative / #self hate / #transphobia / #cissexism / #menstruation mention // #the experience #ask to tag

[heartofheir]

Psst. You know why I'm here. Do eeeeet. :3c

fcuk

1,2 3 and 10 are done! :D

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?not really lmao

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?knitting and listening to the off topic podcast

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?my dogs and @themysteriousballetanon 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?lie down on the floor, cry and than kick their ass8: Are you close with your dad?kinda, we are both have the same kind of humour and personality which is p cool 

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?ye i smooch my doggos when i got bk from work last night

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?coffee, its got some water in it so ill be fine

12: Do you like hickeys?ye

13: What time do you go to bed?5:30am oops

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?ya

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?nah im quicker with both hands ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

16: Do you always answer your texts?yea unless i forget or fall asleep 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?Y U P

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?yesterday; we all went to the beach it was top notch

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?my dogs and my siblings even though they are all little shits

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?probs something about being tired af

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?i hope not….

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?i guess?

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?nope

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?i think so

25: In the past week, have you cried?yea

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?maroon

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?yea a variation of it that i cant say cause i dont wanna give my last name out to the interwebs lmao

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?possibly 

29: Do you have a best friend?yea kinda

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?nope

31: Who was your last call/text message from?my manager telling me what time i start work tomorrow 

32: Are you mad at anyone?i dont get mad i just get tired™

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yea

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?21

35: How many more days until your birthday?im not doing math go away

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?nope just working alot r.i.p me

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?ye! :D

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?yup one of them doesnt even know im gay lmao

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?ye

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?kinda?

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?if theres a giant age gap than yea it does

42: Are you available?nope! :D

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?no idea my dude

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?so many!! i wanna get an industrial, another helix ring, maybe my tongue, nipples lol, belly button and my second lot of normal ear piercings plus alot more ear ones

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?it can be awkward af but yea

46: Do you regret anything?lots of things lmao

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?im running out of mango ice tea :(

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?yea 

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?yes and no?

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?she already said yes! (miraculously) 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?yep

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?he was an ass to me last time we spoke so no

53: What was the last thing you ate?i got one of the chefs at work to make me gnocchi it was delicious 

54: Did you get any compliments today?nope but one of my new coworkers last night said i was really good at my job!! :O

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?no where so far, but one of my friends wants to go to rottnest at some point though

56: Do you own anything from other countries?ye! my auntie went to france and brought me bk a really pretty kitty mask not a furry lol

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?i guess its even but more so guys

58: Where have you lived most of your life?i use to travel around when i was younger but now ive been in the same spot for 10 years I NEED TO L E A V E

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?i wasnt the one driving but it was when i was a babby and we drove from my hometown to perth took us 5 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?nah but our house was tomatoed once

62: Who do you text the most?it changes all the time

63: What was the last movie you saw?moana! i loved it!!

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? i dont actually know

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?none

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?nope

67: Do you curse around your parents?not on purpose it just slips out

68: Are you happy with where you live?nope

69: Picture of yourself?

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?im a jealous hoe so just monogamous

71: Have you ever been dumped?no

72: What do you most like about making out?i dont think a guy being like a mcfucking vacumn cleaner counts as making out so i wouldnt know

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?yes but again i dont think it counts as making out

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?i just go ‘fuck it' and do it (but only if i know they cool with it)

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?hands and backs, also necks

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?a friend i use to go to school with

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?nah

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?pickup lines im a sucker for them

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?ye! i loves kids

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?yea

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?nope 

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?fuck no

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?MCFUCKING YR 9 there was this guy who liked me since yr 7 and me and him were both in dance class at school and OF COURSE the dance teacher put us together for the slow dance performance i left dance and moved to drama cause it just got way too uncomfortable 

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?ye! im dating a furry from the internet

86: How can I win your heart?you already have ;0

87: What is your astrological sign?cancer! karkat

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?the same thing i was doing at 11pm

89: Do you cook?ye but i tend to set things on fire

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?ye

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?i dont have to wish :D

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?id prefer a monogamous relationship

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?not a clue my dude

94: Name four things that you wish you had!more garlic bread from work (we make the BEST gb), mango ice tea, unlimited wifi and a phone that can actually work

95: Are you a player?of games, yes; of people, no

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?nope

97: Are you a tease?ive been told i am but i dont mean to lmao

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?i saw @miss--kiwi yesterday at work and than she was mean 2 me even after i gave her gb :

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?what even is love

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?id date the FUCK outta @themysteriousballetanon 

101: Hugs or Kisses?both! oxox

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?normally yes but sometimes ill have a rare moment of bravery lmao

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?height

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?may or may not be a kink for me LMAO

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?fuck no

106: Do you flirt a lot?i have no idea how so sometimes ppl think im flirting when im being friendly, or think im being friendly when im flirting

107: Your last kiss?sometime in September in the back of a car with a VACUUM APPARENTLY 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?nope

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?only my doggos cause they deserve all the kisses

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?my girlfriend even though im not into kissing furries :3c

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?my dogs and hopefully teanii

112: Does someone like you currently?i would hope my gf does 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?ye!! :D

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?flings really arent that great

115: Ever made out with just a friend?ye

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?i thrive off affection so id prefer a relationship

117. you didnt give me a question to answer and ur asleep rn so imma use this spot to say ur a gotdamn cutie

#asks #this took me so long cause i had to leave for work lmao

[devilsadvocate007]

Facebook Posts July 2010 - December 2010

4th July 2010

The illusion that everybody's opinion matters has created a society in which stupidity must be considered just as seriously as brilliance. Gone are the days where stupid people weren't allowed to talk while big people were talking. Now they have their own facebook pages.... On the bright side, we no longer have to rely on television for entertainment

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10th July 2010

♫ Just gonna stand there and watch me burn....well that's alright because I like the way it hurts......Just gonna stand there and hear me cry....well that's alright because I love the way you lie...♫  - ‘Love the way you lie’, Rihanna ft. Eminem

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14th July 2010

If there's no such thing as no such thing, then there is such a thing as no such thing, which means that there really is no such thing as no such thing.

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15th July 2010

Bad?: So I was standing next to a fat girl and I turned to her and said "moo". At first she started to cuss and call me names and tell me about my mother. I quietly said "moo" again without lifting my gaze. This time she started screaming and clawing at me. For the last time...I said "moo". She stopped and looked at me, then after a minute of silence she said "father?"

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25th July 2010

You know you're doing something wrong when your fiancée tells you "I'd rather be his whore than your wife"... ♥ Titanic

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30th July 2010

You ever meet someone so dumb that you think they're up to something? "What?....no....what you playing at?....wait.....you're serious?"

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5th August 2010

The 1st tao of Jarid: {For all those in a relationship...the sentence "It doesn't matter anymore, I have a man, I'm gonna let loose" is not acceptable unless you're talking about a party or sex.}

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6th August 2010

I know I'm not the only person that finds irony in the fact that the guy that recently beat the JAMAICAN Bolt, is called Mr. Gay. lol "Gay shocks Bolt in Stockholm" is the Headline....So what did we learn? U can run from gays all u want my Jamaican brethren, but it'll catch up with you eventually...

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15th August 2010

Life is too short to waste on people who don't realize how awesome you are. I knew an awesome person who never followed the crowd or did what was 'expected'. She's gone now, but I can say she lived her life the way she wanted to, surrounded by people she liked who definitely liked her. When my time comes, I want someone to say the same about me. So fuck off and thank you.

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17th August 2010

Can someone explain to me how purposely doing something that makes your guy friends happy and like u, but at the same time leaves ur woman unhappy and unsatisfied, isn't gay? "Bow cat" it would seem is the opposite of "battyman"....not synonymous.

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20th August 2010

"Ur like a giant fucking cock blocking robot developed in a secret government lab or something" - Zombieland (lmao)

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21st August 2010

♫ That's alright, thats ok....g'on head believe what ur home girls say...a nigga like me drink alotta liquor, meet alotta bitches, take alotta pictures....I might break bread with 1 or 2 strippers, but that don't mean u gotta pull my zipper...thinkin that I dicked down the whole town, even tho I got dick to go round ♫ - ‘Smell yo dick’, Kay Luv

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22nd August 2010

♫ You say its my fault, ok then I'll go...its better to know...how theres nobody to argue with...cuz im not home...dont care who ur with....dont call my phone...or did u forget...u know you're wrong...I'm gone....and you're all alone....hearing your own damn...eh echo eh echo ♫ - ‘Echo’, Gorilla Zoe

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8th September 2010

♫ A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar, They're worth so much more after I'm a goner, And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin', Funny when your dead how people start listenin'...If I die young ♫ - ‘If I die young’, The Band Perry

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10th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Facebook is not a place to publish things you wish to remain private. By its very nature, anything put on here voluntarily is for people to notice, see, and by extension comment or ask about. Getting defensive when asked about something YOU put up in the public domain makes no sense."

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11th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Women treat the male gene pool like a real pool. They all jump in and splash around the shallow end in their youth...then wade out to the deeper end as they get older."

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15th September 2010

“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar [violin] to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop

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17th September 2010

Taxi driver on the way home today: "You see men? Especially young men like you? You need to eat raw foods. Lemme tell u the other night I was with my gf and no matter WHAT position I put her in...me deya fight fi cum! FIRST time me haffu TRY cum. All when me done, cocky stiff stiff"

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22nd September 2010

Birthdays on facebook are really opportunities for people that never speak to you to subtly say "I care! Don't delete me! Look how I wrote on ur wall!" lol

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23rd September 2010

The tao of Jarid: The lawyer most people know is the American lawyer. That's why lawyers have a bad name. Caribbean lawyers are nothing like their American counterparts (the laws and practices here are vastly different). People should remember that before they band all "lawyers" together.

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23rd September 2010

Listen, I understand that having a BB means that u can talk to anyone at anytime for free, but seriously...10 grown ppl sitting in a room engrossed in their phones not speaking to each other, is ridiculous. What happend to common courtesy, what happened to meeting new people and saying hi to a stranger? Sheesh. U remind me of little kids in church playing their gameboys.

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26th September 2010

U know what I hate? The fact that hypocrisy is so prevalent. Any time you see someone stand up and strongly take a stand against something...9/10 times they do it. If they vehemently denounce homosexuals, 9/10 times, they're sleeping with little boys. Its SO common now, that I never want to take a strong stand against anything, lest ppl think I secretly do it. Chupz.

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The tao of Jarid: For those of you who believe that "no means no, but unconscious means yes".....a prison cell awaits.

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28th September 2010

The legal way of saying “nigga stole my bike”:  “ A human being of the male gender wth black pigmentation on his skin appears 2 have acquired without my consent my 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, also known as "bike", and appears 2 have driven away with said 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, despite my attempt of chasing the said human being, completely ignoring my request 2 give sed item bk” - username iani103. Man, I love my profession.

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1st October 2010

I think women should develop the same "fuck it" mechanism guys have. If there's a baby in the house crying for hours on end...what you will not find is a man around. Y? Cuz we can't fix it and its driving us crazy, so we roll out and go by Tony's house to watch football, i.e. fuk it. More women should do that instead of staying in the stress and snapping and shaking their babies to death or driving them into a river.

-

The tao of Jarid: Facebook should have a 'WHO CARES?!?' button....and make my page immune to it.

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2nd October 2010

The tao of Jarid: The more "LMAO"s and "LOLOLOL"s your status contains, the less funny the actual subject matter is. Contrary to popular belief, nothing gets funnier the more you laugh at it by yourself.

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Grown men's fascination with penitentiary pussy confuses me... Sex with it = go to prison. What's the problem? Where's the option? All I see is "Sex with prison". No thanks. That's like the "option" 'get in this dark van so I can drive u to my abandoned cabin in the woods or I shoot you'. All I should be hearing is *gunshot*.

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4th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Drama vampires are not cool. While the rest of us need food and water to live, these creatures survive solely off drama and other people viewing it. The only effective way to deal with them is to block and delete them from everything. If you can't see their drama, they weaken and die. True story.

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“I think when you put sex and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. Yes, I said I kissed a girl. But I didn’t say I kissed a girl while f-ing a crucifix.” - Katy Perry (on why she dislikes Lady Gaga’s music video for ‘Alejandro’) 

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5th October 2010

"This is my facade of civility; do not mistake for complacency, for once this veil is taken down, you'll see a vicious turn around...of all you grew to know and love...the hand lying beneath the glove.... An animal living in a shell. A beast who's come to raise all hell."

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6th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Forget CNN, BBC or any other news organisation....nowhere else are world issues more discussed than on YouTube's comments section

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8th October 2010

You are one person, out of 7 billion people, on one planet, out of 8 planets, in one solar system out of a hundred billion solar systems, in one galaxy out of a hundred billion galaxies.......you are ENORMOUSLY insignificant, and don't let facebook ever make you forget that. [De-motivational Speech for the day]

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11th October 2010

Anybody remember when they FIRST came on fb YEARS ago? How it used to be? How Fb made hi5 look like the social networking ghetto? It was so clean and neat and classy. "Jarid Hewlett", likes, interests, lil about myself. Send ur friends who u havent seen since primary school messages. It was a magical innocent time. Why did you people have to rape facebook? Why?

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Now? as NC17 says, no more "Jarid Hewlett", we have "Jarid fuckspussyallday Hewlett", we have "What kind of telly tubby would u have sex with?" quizzes, we have people fighting over who their baby's daddy is for the world to see. (Btw when did this shit become acceptable? Not knowing which guy ejaculated inside and impregnated you is something people used to be ashamed of and settle in private...why is it cool to broadcast this now?), we have break ups where guys blatantly put their numbers under "X is no longer in a relationship"..... What happened to CLASS??? I understand they don't teach that in school, but they bloody well should. No one comes on fb to keep in touch with people anymore. And the ones that do, spend 20% of their total fb time doing that. The rest of us laugh or bow our heads in sadness at the ridiculous shit people post. I'm black and I hate racists and racism, but goddamn it....sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it.....I see where they're coming from. <sigh>

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15th October 2010

♫ We're going out tonight...to kick out every light, take anything we want, drink everything in sight, we're going till the world stops turning while we burn it to the ground tonight! ♫ - ‘Burn it to the ground’, Nickelback

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21st October 2010

The tao: Men get bitter, just as women do. The difference is, a bitter woman will say "fuck men" and never have sex again. A bitter man will say "fuck women" and do just that.

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26th October 2010

The tao: "All inclusive" does not mean "free cheap rum and vodka with juice". Stop the false advertising.

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27th October 2010

The tao: Having high standards doesn't necessarily exempt you from whoredom. While we all agree that having low to no standards makes one a ho, having high, meaningless standards makes one a ho too. "I only sleep with guys that drive BMWs" is a high standard. It is not a substantive standard.

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♫ And who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars....Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart........You’re gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.........So don’t come back for me, who do you think you are? ♫  - ‘Jar of Hearts’, Christina Perri

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28th October 2010

"Labour all de way"? "UPP all de way?".....come on, man. I'm "all the way" with whoever makes Antigua a better country. Politics has come to mean arbitrary following of a party that makes your immediate life better regardless of the long term. Don't even get me started on 'patriotism'.

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31st October 2010

The tao: He who is slow to anger gets annoyed the longest.

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1st November 2010

♫....you just hurt my goddamn feelings, and that was the last one I had ♫ - ‘Here we go’, Eminem

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2nd November 2010

Lawyer talk: My Lord, my client was not anywhere near the building when the window was broken, and if he was, he did not break the window, and if he did break the window, he did so by accident, and if he didn't break it by accident, it wasn't the complainant's window, and if it was their window, it was their fault for putting it where my client throws stones.

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8th November 2010

Mr. Kartel, you sir, have lied to me.....apparently women do not want a man whose "buddy long like a thousand match stick line up"....apparently that hurts and more than 90% of it will be outside anyway. You have misled me sir, and I demand an apology.

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10th November 2010

On a serious note.....which do you think is more "loving" and less "heartless"? (Option A) Being in a relationship and cheating gratuitously on your significant other? Or (Option B) breaking up with your significant other who probably didn't see it coming, because you want to sleep with someone else?

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11th November 2010

The tao: No one really sees anything. Everyone thinks they see something. I might think I see a pudgy, ugly woman, you might think you see a curvy goddess. Who knows whats actually there...The difference between sane and insane people is that insane people are just a little more creative with what they think they see....and nothing can change their mind.

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14th November 2010

The tao: If someone tells you something you don't understand, don't repeat it. It might have been wisdom when they told you...but after your brain is done with it, there's a high chance it comes back out as crap.

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15th November 2010

"You're Cuban AND Jamaican?? That's a really.....illegal mix, lol. So you speak Spanish and bloodclaat?" - Mike Yard (*dead*)

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17th November 2010

The tao: One should never let emotions get in the way of reality. Sometimes people just don't appreciate you no matter how you feel about them. That's ok. Someone does.

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19th November 2010

♫ Well I'm a poet to some, a regular modern day Shakespeare.....Jesus Christ, the King of these latter day saints here ♫ - ‘Renegade’, Jay-Z & Eminem

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25th November 2010

The tao: Whenever you think "don't let a good thing pass you by"....remember that many things are only good now BECAUSE you let them pass you by at first. Don't be afraid to let go.

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26th November 2010

"If my wanting to see you was on a scale of 1-10.....I'd still say no". It takes a while to fully appreciate just how horrible this statement is.

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27th November 2010

U know what I just realized..?..The first time I listened to the Marshall Mathers LP was on *cassette*...in my * Walkman*....that Michael Henry had copied for me.....I'm gonna reserve my rocking chair in the old folks home from now, see...

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The tao: Stop saying "I'm just me". Everyone is just them. If you choose to be someone who tries to be like other people, that's still who you are. You are just a personalityless ninny, but it's still who YOU are. You can't ever be anything else but you. "I'm just me" is like saying "I breathe oxygen". No shit.

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♫ Me start da day wit a flask, cranberry an ice inna glass....satellite can't find me me lost....buy me own liquor cuz me a me own boss....drink fi drunk dat me endorse....OH ♫ - ‘Rum & Red Bull’, Beenie Man &Future Fambo

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30th November 2010

Seriously....if I read one more comment under a political story with someone urging people to "wake up", I'm going to slap somebody. I always find it fascinating that politics turns otherwise sensible people into jackasses. "Belief is the enemy of reality".

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Lesbians have life so easy.....girls are very gay normally, lol. Dressing in front of each other, dancing up with one another, feeling up one another etc.....you could pretty much spend ur whole life being a lesbian and no one would ever know once u lie every now and again about some boy u find hot.

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"The fact is governments deal with the United States because it's in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us and not because they think we can keep secrets," - US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. If that's not gangsta, I dunno what is...

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2nd December 2010

♫ I love my life....none a we don't know wey tomorrow might bring cuz the future deh hours away...so me go live my life today...me ah live my life today...so lowe me mek me talk what me want fi talk, me have nuff fi say...so me go live my life today...me ah go live my life today ♫ - ‘I love my life’, Demarco

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7th December 2010

The tao: Never overestimate the power of friendship.

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9th December 2010

♫ De boy ketch me a stamp up him gyal postcard....want arrest me but....him anna sarge....he nah stop tell me how him a camouflage....never voice ya hear from him vocal cord because.....a we mek nuff man start drink Guinness ♫ - ‘A we’, Hawkeye

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11th December 2010

The tao: The next time someone you thought you mattered to lets you down, always remember that its not their fault you don't have better friends.

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17th December 2010

Men beware: "Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes" will never ever stand up in court.

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19th December 2010

The tao: Stop bitching about the 'true meaning' of Christmas. People like presents. Deal with it.

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21st December 2010

The tao: Put on a jamaican accent and include "bloodclaat" or "bumboclaat" and any sentence becomes five times funnier. E.g. "Where are u going, u unhygienic homosexual?" "Yow, a where dis dutty skin, yellow teet, shitty draws BUMBOCLAAT battybwoy a go?" Same message. Five times funnier.

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25th December 2010

The tao: "I have a boyfriend".........."Babes....you can have ALL the boyfriends you want...not "a", not "some".....ALL.....me still want u". - This conversation will always go like this. Saying you have a boyfriend is not a substitute for saying no.

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30th December 2010

New year new me! "Are u getting a sex change?" What? no..... "Are you changing careers?" Um..no.. "Are you radically overhauling your entire personality?" Not really... "Shut up and sit down"