#get fucked palps!

[lastminutestarwarsfan]

Can someone please explain to me how in the name of God Palpatine was even able to gain so much access to Anakin? It's implied he's been keeping him close since Phantom Menace. Like I can understand after he's been knighted but as a padawan???? And not just ANY padawan but the notoriously unstable, taken-in-far-too-late-trained-by-a-barely-qualified-freshly-knighted-king-of-sass-and-oh-btw-we-think-he's-the-chosen-one padawan?? That one??? Surely there must have been parameters in place to protect Jedi children from just this sort of manipulation???? Not to mention keeping a close eye on this one in particular???

Like if it weren't so sad it would be (and admittedly is) hilarious how oblivious everyone is.

Like just imagine fucking Yoda and Mace chilling and thinking to themselves "Hmm where's that boy Anakin, you know the one we really did not think it would be a good idea to train lmao" and someone just cheerfully reasssures them "Oh don't worry his kindly pseudograndpa who is definitely not grooming him has taken him to the Opera! For cultural enrichment" Like??? Honestly I know no one suspects Palpatine is a Sith, but he's sure as hell a creepy old politician with a propensity for hanging around little boys. How is no one's alarm bells ringing?? How are the pedophilia accusations not pouring in??

#Obi wan is the only one with a hint of common sense #star wars #star wars prequels #anakin skywalker #Palpatine is a disgusting creep and if I could I'd kill him with my bare fucking hands #Anakin is a dumb babygirl who gets validation when Palps tells him he's so mature for his age and no one else understands him #Anakin is not like other girls #The Jedi are all a bunch of oblivious virgins #human disaster anakin

[eldritch-horror-from-the-void]

If Anakin lived after turning back into a Jedi, he'd be the sweetest old man ever.

#anakin skywalker #darth vader #star wars anakin #with some work of course #I'm sure Palp's grooming fucked him up pretty badly #but you get the point

[raventrigonsdaughter]

I dont trust people who say they hate bo katan and then go on to say she doesn't care about her people and that she is just a straight up villain... how long have y'all been star wars fans that u have the audacity to look me in the eye and say so much bullshit, be for real...

#bo katan #bo katan kryze #the mandalorian #i get it you the the reading skills of a child #just make sure to extend the same essay to literally every single fucking male villain in the franchise besides palps

[miraclewoozi]

just had Thee most therapeutic follower clearout and i feel like a new woman🥰

#j talks. #bots + ageless blogs Be Gone <3 #smth abt doing that feels so healing idk #anyway now this fuckin scary ass clown is on my dashboard and i'm gonna have a nervy b but that's. unrelated #why have they done this #i hate it so much #the clown in the sarah jane adventures literally fucked me up as a kid and this is lowk giving me palps. #how do i get rid of him #what the fuck is this

[engagemythrusters]

when i open a fic with fives turning out to be a complete asshole in it, i just know the author is making fives so fucking unbearable that they can feel justified that fox killed him

#fives wasn't a bad guy... literally he was pretty chill. #literally fought for his brothers rights *CONSTANTLY* #yall just want to make fives bad so that you can go 'actually fox was right' when like bro. no he wasnt. #he was being activated by palps constantly #he was wrong and it wasnt entirely his fault but IT WAS WRONG HE SHOT FIVES #literally turning fives into a mega asshole doesn't change that #'serves him right' 1: is wrong and 2: literally doesnt work when fives is TRYING TO SAVE ALL OF HIS BROTHERS #fox fucked up. palps made him. plain and simple. #arc trooper fives #commander fox #star wars: the clone wars #can't wait to get the angry ask messages for this.

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

hmm and while i’m here some Anakin and Jedi thoughts- 

it completely checks out to me that Mace and the council don’t trust Anakin, he is too close to palpatine who the Jedi are starting to get Suspicious about (finally) and Mace also sense Anakin’s ConflictTM when he goes to confront palpatine 

it also makes sense why the Council doesn’t want to grant Anakin the rank of Master-- he is still very young and also....they don’t like palpatine interfering in their affairs. FAIR! I said in the GC last night it felt like some medieval state-church drama and @catie-does-things said it was just the Investiture Controversy in Space bc she knows things like that but also it’s true

and all that said, it still really sucks for Anakin who is doing his best (until he isn’t) (secret wife thing aside) 

#there's another post about palps engineering it so all the jedi who handle anakin well are off planet and mace who does not is the only one #left on planet lol which also checks out to me #anyway anakin has some arrogance and hubris here but i get it #the council.....Same #everyone trying to do the right thing and it still gets fucked up #anakin skywalker #i mean anakin still didn't have to turn to the dark side but yknwo iget his frustration

[rochenn]

man whenever palpatine gets killed off during the clone wars in a fic and fucking. padmé or bail become chancellor right after him. i understand this in a "i want a happy ending for everyone" kind of sense but this solution seems so out of touch sometimes. as if you wouldn't have mas fucking amedda as an interim chancellor first and as if the next election wouldn't either solidify him or result in the ascension of someone like tarkin.

"but palpatine was outed as a sith" ok. how do you even prove that to the public, to the feared Average Voter, the dreaded Moderate, without sounding like a conspiracy lunatic? like the sith as a whole are even less known about than the jedi and they might as well just be the same thing (about 10 thousand jedi exist in the galaxy. coruscant alone has a population of 2 trillion. "minority" doesn't even begin to describe the position of the jedi here)

even if palpatine fucking dies it's too late for the republic because his old lackeys and corpo friends are in ALL the positions of power and could so, so easily pin this situation on the jedi one way or another. also dooku's training weights are essentially off now that the guy who could have killed him via zoom is gone. ppl need to realize that everything was already SO over before the clone wars even started, no matter if palps lives or dies

#space politics my beloathed. i wish there was a happy ending here #txt #star wars #palpatine #count dooku

[astralnymphh]

Okay I have this little thought of fucking ellie in lotus position and I literally can’t get it out of my head

Sorry if this is weird I just feel like you could do it justice if you’re comfortable😭

omgg lotus position. that's like.. perfect for ellie cause she loves you straddling her and boobs.. and grabbing handfuls of ass meat. I'll do a little blurb on this but honestly might incorporate this position in a future fic. this feels a bit lazy but i swear im just saving my brain as i start saccharine saturations 2. MDNI ౨ৎ

lotus position with ellie ౨ৎ

let me paint the perspective on this blank canvas. the girl before you, ruby–eared as the budding roses of spring and swamping her sights in you, intoxication, a budding lust to be. the absolute hormone spurts you get whenever ellie drags you atop her lap is utterly intoxicating, utterly. you, sitting vis–à–vis. both of you undertaking the nude. her knees, bent to a perfect splay that opens a little seat just for you, a fleshy, cushiony, linen bedsheet crater. fair skin awash in tawny light, courtesy of the floor lamp abutting to the bed. a light that also reflects a shimmer string off the solid base of her strap, diagonally rested between those manspread legs. chartreuse green encapsulated in a bedroom–eye droopy–lid gaze surrounded by reeds of her deep amber esque lashes curving so softly from her puffy waterlines. an expression that says 'come sit on my lap pretty girl.' while she loiters one of those lusty hands to pose and dab her thigh gently– rippling the tight skin barely and croaking a smoky whisper, "c'mon baby, m' all ready for you now." as her lip corners tug a toothy smirk, folding the bottom lip under to bite. it coils back out, so pliantly, she lures you in tender.

ellie would fuck you so good in lotus. maddenly so, spires of her knobby digits grapple and hook on your ass, soothing softness leaven as milk bread. hairs on her arms, bitsy and tickle inducing, lie plumb from your thighs to your hips and are clasped in the soft layer of elasticity. she kneads your butt like malleable dough and spreads you wide on her pumping cock, lubricous laces lashing from your stuffed slit. the pressure exuded in her fingertips line your ass so perfectly to her roll of hip, she can fuck up into your cunt just right. in this angle, she deepens within you, and you take her unconditionally. plop, plop, palp, the slickening of cum glazes your underside thoroughly and crafts a wet slap whenever her dense hips rut into your cushy pussy lips. in your blurred numbness she finds a mania in seeing you all dog–panting and white–eyed, craning close and curling those sun–baked lips flush on your breast, "fuck that pussy back on me, mhmm, good girl.." brushing skin with her muffled coax. you bounce your bottom in sync with hers, creating a on beat rhythm, but in return her cock bottoms out deeper inside to the point of bulging a knob in your belly. on an ellie's perspective note, she fucking loves suckling upon your tender, risen nipples during sex, so this position basically emboldened her to put those eager lips to use. her gob caves an 'o' shape over your nipple and excitedly flicks her textured tongue over the nub, ever the more inflaming your pussy with euphoria. you card knuckles in her tuft of auburn hair, yanking a grip of locks to which ellie gives your nipple a teensy bite, getting you to yelp. ugh, can't you just visualize that view? a thin gap between your humping bodies, skin clumping and swelling, her perky boobs jiggling with the movements produced, peak of her russet pubes browsing over the harness base– slap! a red sting of fury nips you in the buttcheek, literally. ellie can't get enough of your rump, popping off your breast a moment and slanting her body aside to catch a glimpse of it, freak, indulging another slap. anyways, holding your hips captive to where she needs them, she pipes all the delectable cream she can out of you, grazing that bumpy vein shaft along your ribbed walls with a passion to spite 'unpassions', she coagulates a burning knot inside you, haste without chaste. girl will commit ungodly things to prove how helpless to climax you are on her thickset dick, popping her mouth off your tit to provoke in words of hypocrisy, "feels so good, huh? going dumb on my cock? yeahh? haha, god, can't even see your eyes, fuck." i claim hypocrisy, because we all know damn well with our combined minds that this girl gets dumb on your pussy, folding up her lips to contain the slobber threatening to make her look pussydrunk.

and she is most definetely pussydrunk, moreso in this position, climbing up to a high real fast. chromatically, her moan rises, "uhhhhhhh, yeahahhaaa.. ohh fuck."

how she looks cumming in this position? electrifying. her fawn freckled cheeks overcast in a flush of coral pink, gaping her lips wide and scrunching skin in all the right areas. the chafing pleasure tweaking her clit makes for a good fucking orgasm. her lids embracing the reflex of scantly shutting and gazing up at you, the green in her eyes somehow more vibrant and her pupils blown to a new moon. she just whines a grunty, "hahhh– mhhh, mhhh, yeessss." in a warble while twitching her last final blows against your beaten cervix, cockhead mashing that gummy donut. scarred as your shoulderblades take the toll ten clawing nails can bestow, her fingers whiten away the pigment with the strength issued into your flesh. her own pussy convulses and gathers up a bit of milky cum to streamline in strings along her perineum, dripping like dew onto the bed. you're ways from comparable, though, spraying your clear orgasm all over her. she'll praise you through her tale of moans, groaning, "uhhh yeah, get that cock all filthy– filthy, filthy, filthhh– fuuckkkk.." strands of her hair stick in an untidy manner beyond her hairline, shadowing that gloss of sweat narrowly. then, she dwindles down to a smile, a smile to bury. burying kisses in your sternum, she peppers up and up with a sudden awash of elation walking hand–in–hand with exhaustion. shaky nubs of her fingertips press and drag sweaty over the blushed marks given in her high, almost writing an apology to the poor scratches. looser skin of your back bulges and ribs between her waxy digits, cooling with a pasty ache. the weeping of pores after sex was no joke, no lie. and ellie intended to lick every puny dollop of it from your body. "l'mme clean you up.." she mumbles droney as a meadow bee barming your ears with a measly melody, voice muted in your neck. you reply, fumbly out of breath, "oh, a bath? i could really use a–" the chambré stamp of her tongue unfurls blunt to your neck, nudging up a spit trail along the skin. by clean you up, she just means lick you like a dog. i personally live for ellie doing that. you bumble, "ellie?" and she just garbles back, lips obviously occupied, "let me, mhh, clean you up.." and slipping a gritty chuckle in the depths of her throat, shrugging her shoulders a bit.

don't even get me started on ellie licking you up and down after sex.

#ellie williams #⤹𓍢ִ໋aestras asks #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #lesbian #sapphic #ellie williams x fem!reader #ellie williams fic #ellie williams concept #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie smut #ellie the last of us #ellie williams blurb #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams headcanons #ellie headcanons

[other-peoples-coats]

struck by the idea where, For Reasons, plan saddest desert hermit doesn't get off the ground and team proto-rebellion have to pivot and pivot fast.

chucking the conspiracy equivalent of a uey at 100mph on the highway, and everyone involved is sleep deprived, stressed as fuck, and experiencing y'know, several levels of Devastating Grief.

the person with the brain cell is bail organa, a man who in canon spends like 20 fucking years playing ding dong ditch with a genocidal psychic space wizard and his boss, an even more genocidal space wizard. This man is not lacking in gumption, one can say. he is possessed of life threatening amounts of chutzpah, one might also say, except that he spends twenty years winning the ding dong ditch match with, again, a genocidal fascist dictatorship which includes two genocidal psychic space wizards who literally know he was in tight with the genocided group of space wizards plus the [mumble] number of other murderous genocidal space wizards, plus the rest of the non-space wizard space fascist cohort.

So. What does a man with a spine of steel, a heart as big as a planet, and more gumption than anyone should possess do, when plan 'split up the kids and hide the most famous man in the galaxy on the saddest hell planet' is a no go?

lie. lie like a fucking rug.

What's palpatine going to do? day one of the empire, his super awesome chosen one space wizard makeover project is still in progress and not yet wheezing his way into the galaxy's nightmares, and bail fucking organa strolls into the imperial senate with:

one (1) baby (female)

one (1) baby (male)

several (~20+) aides and various hangers on, including;

one (1) brown haired blue eyed man who could, if you squinted a bit, probably get third place in a general kenobi lookalike competition, were those now not super duper illegal

Sidious, of course, could be like A JEDI KILL HIM TRAITOR ETC, but, crucially, his wheezing attack dog is still on the lab table getting seven inches added to his height and cup holders installed, or whatever the fuck skeevy sheev added in as extras. Palpatine is an old guy who is still trading on being A Beloved Grandfather who was Reluctant To Take The Throne, and is still easing the galaxy into the whole, y'know, we're a fascist empire now, kneel or perish.

Palpatine, on day one of the empire, can't point at bail fucking organa and be like HABOURING A TRAITOR unless he is really, really sure, like 110% sure, because it's bail fucking organa and every goddamn senator will baulk like a horse at a plastic bag if he accuses, again, the senator of alderaan of high treason on day one of the empire.

A secret rebellion is fine, if not ideal; you can theoretically stamp it out, and, also, it's small, percentage wise.

The entire fucking galaxy thinking that, hey, if the guy in charge is going to go after fucking alderaan, what's to stop him going after us? bigger problem. huge problem. original trilogy kinda touched on that one. Day one of the empire, everyone is still basically on war footing, and fuck man, if alderaan is copping it....maybe this empire isn't great after all. maybe we can make our OWN empire, with a different emperor.

Would palps win? eh maybe. would it destroy all credibility forever and ever amen? yeah. the difference between a 'legally installed emperor' and 'a dictator we must overthrow' is how willing the galaxy is to lick boot, and there's not yet the fear of The Empire black bagging you to keep those tongues going.

so. palpatine can't say shit. palpatine can imply shit, palpatine can get his lackies to say shit. but, crucially, palpatine himself can't say fuck all about the goddamn kenobi lookalike that is now following after organa and wiping his kid's little butts and playing gofer and whatever else.

and what's more believable? bail fucking organa is hiding a traitor, or bail organa and his wife have a situationship with a guy who looks sort of a bit like a former general? the same kind of situationship that like, half the senate has had at one point or another with a guy (or guys) who looked sort of a bit like said ex-general. go to any high level business and/or political building, you'll find half a dozen guys who look vaguely like said hot ex-general, and many of them will have a more or less (often less) accurate coruscanti-ish accent. or will develop one.

(hey, it's a niche. gotta pay the bills somehow, and if you get the job because you dyed your hair and grew a beard, well, you're still using your political science degree, right?)

of course, that only holds for so long, but by that point it's been, y'know, a while. and that looks worse in a different way -- what, kenobi was fucking walking around in front of the whole imperial senate, and none of them noticed? absolutely not, all credibility is gone forever.

which means. that palpatine and the organas are stuck in a full on staring match about this guy who is 100% for sure not kenobi, because -- well. he can't be kenobi. becuase that would look bad. but also. it's kenobi. but also. it can't be kenobi.

(vader takes one look at this guy who looks like his master kenobi and then rolls his eyes, because he has already met aproximately 90,000 people who look vaugely like his master and he got very good at picking out how the newest one was not kenobi his master by the time he was a senior padawan.)

#bail organa #star wars #bailbrehaobi #like. implied #sort of. #star wars crack #coats originals #the plot here is not thought out. if you are like BUT THIS WOULDN'T WORK sssshhh it's for the bit #the bit of bail organa making skeevy sheevy's life miserable #bail like what're you gonna do. arrest me? for having a kenobi fetish? you gonna arrest half the galaxy too?

[jedi-enthusiast]

One thing I hate the most with anti Jedi people is how they bastardize the clones.

I've seen fics and pieces where the clones straight up despise the Jedi- or see them as bad leaders. Or don't rly care for them bc "they don't care for us either"

Like- there was a reason why Palps needed litteral mind control to get them to hurt the Jedi. If you want the clones to rebel against the Republic and tear into it, by all means do it ! But leave the Jedi out of this.

The Jedi and the Clones were eachother's best friends.

Krell was the expection.

People should start to get some media literacy and understand the damn point.

No literally.

Like, if you want to hate the Jedi---fine! Whatever! It's your choice! But don't go around pretending that characters who are literally shown to love the Jedi hate them too just because you can't deal with the fact that you're objectively wrong about them.

They do the same shit with Luke, pretending that he hated Yoda or Obi-Wan or the Prequels Jedi Order just because they hate them---despite the fact that Luke is shown to care and be fond of both Obi-Wan and Yoda, and the fact that he specifically wants to rebuild the Order.

Is his new Order different than the old one? Yes.

But that's because Palpatine literally destroyed all information about the Jedi and their Order, leaving only his propaganda and what little information people were able to save/salvage, and destroyed/desecrated every Temple he could find.

It wasn't an intentional change, it was the result of a cultural genocide!

Yet so many fics- (and tbh tumblr posts) -about Luke portray him as this "holier than thou" figure saying- "oh the old Jedi were bad, but I'm better than them and so is my order! Also fuck Yoda!" -for no fucking reason except they want to pretend that the main character shares their views so they can then project themselves onto him.

It's the reason why I avoid reading dinluke fics even though I actually really enjoy the idea of the ship, because every fic I've seen has Luke hating being a Jedi and/or "struggling with his feelings because love totally = attachment" even though attachment is literally shown to be obsessive and selfish love, aka putting one person over the rest of the galaxy- (*cough* Anakin *cough*).

Like I'm so sick of it.

The clones loved the Jedi.

Luke loved the Jedi and loves being a Jedi.

Get the fuck over it.

#star wars #sw original trilogy #sw prequels #the clone wars #the clones #luke skywalker #dinluke #pro jedi #in defense of the jedi

[clover-hoe]

let me just

what if anakin and padme DID get divorced {divorce} after s6 e6? and palp-a-fuck is like 'no ani y would u do this no dont you love her' and ani is just like '(sadnoises) we are getting it' and then they do ad he is all sad and (insert rexwalker here) rex is all like 'ill help' and they start spending timetogether because ani ia sad and one day after a meeting them +codywan (putting my gruby codywan hands into everything) are in a room going over notes and ani is talking to rex and rex is just

'what is this feeling'

whilst blushing profusely and codywan is like 'of fuck yeah' so cody goes over to talk to rex and obi to ani and cody is just like 'have fuuuunnnnn' and obi is talking to ani out of earshot (rex pov) and ani just starts blushing rlly bad

REXWALKER SHENANIGANS ENSUE

#rexwalker #captain rex #anakin skywalker #the clone wars #codywan #padme

[wantonlywindswept]

adopted baby Guard Din idea that I am never going to write

because it would involve logistics and quiet moments and idle life which I am very down for reading but cannot for the LIFE of me actually sit down and write

So the war ends, Palps is outed as a Sith and an asshole and dies somehow, and the Senate eventually decides that the clones do count as people and thus are allowed to leave the GAR if they want. Give the bureaucrats another few years and they might even give out backpay and citizenship, so long as you stay in the service--wait what do you mean the entire Guard is resigning. What do you mean they've already left orbit?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE NOW MILLIONS OF FILES ON THE HOLONET ABOUT THE SENATE'S SHADY DEALINGS???

Guard, collectively: lol cya suckers

Fox is of course one of the last ones out, and since this was all planned on the down low, everyone's been split into groups so they can take commercial flights, since they're not about to be accused of stealing ships. (They also leave their weapons and their armor behind, in a giant macabre pile in the middle of Corrie HQ. Even their helmets, their faces, they discard: it's time for a rebirth.)

He and Thorn and a few other Corries have a stopover on some tiny station, waiting a week for a delayed transport to arrive, and in the meantime they're approached by some locals who just fled the planet below. Separatist remnants attacked their homes, forcing them to leave everything and everyone behind; can the big strong clones do anything about it?

The Big Strong Clones: Oh shit we finally get to kick some Seppie ass? Sign us the FUCK up.

The eager group does not include Fox, who could not care less about the Separatists and would very much like to finally catch up on his sleep. Unfortunately that means that the group that goes down to the planet is Unsupervised.

(Thorn does not count as supervision. Thorn, bereft of Senate oversight, has finally allowed his Inner Chaos Gremlin to fully emerge. Thorn needs more supervision than the shinies.)

Thorn, three days later, waking Fox from half-hearted sleep by dropping an entire natborn child on him: Hey boss, look what we found! None of the refugees claimed him, so we called dibs. Can we keep him? Fox, staring at the child: ...

Din, staring back: ...

Fox: ...no..?

Din: *sad but understanding big brown eyes*

Fox: Nevermind this is my child now.

Din has gone from two parents to one parent and hundreds of overprotective brothers.

Eventually his group makes it to their destination, Din in tow. I am uncertain of what the destination is but it is a planet that is as far away from Coruscant that the Corries could find. I am tempted for Tatooine not because I like Tatooine (I share Anakin's loathing of sand and deserts) but because Luke's description of Tatooine in ANH was 'if there's a bright center to the universe, this is the planet the furthest from'. 

Corries, hearing that: Fuck it sounds perfect. 

Anyway they make it to Tatooine, there is probably purchasing of some shitty land/buildings that nobody wants out in the wastes bc crime, scum, villainy, etc, but it's not like they have problems taking care of anything that tries to mess with them. 

Where did they get the funds?

Shh don't ask about it.

Stone takes up moisture farming. Thire takes up farming-farming. Thorn shoots gleefully at anything that shows up unannounced within a ten-mile radius. Literally everybody dotes on Din. There are a surprising amount of peaceful days.

Eventually some dumb shiny goes: Hey don't kids need friends? Shouldn't we set up some playdates for him or something?

The shiny is not called dumb for asking the question, but they are called dumb for thinking that the question would only ever be taken rhetorically. Fox disappears for two weeks and then comes back with a black eye and a yowling hissing Boba tucked under one arm, looking stupidly pleased with himself.

(Boba is also pleased to be back with people he knows will keep him safe. Boba will not admit to this under threat of death or dismemberment. Boba is a SERIOUS SCARY ADULT BOUNTY HUNTER.)

Boba also decides he will be Mortal Enemies with Din, which after about ten minutes of meeting him morphs into If Anyone Hurts Din I Will Kill Everyone In This Room And Then Myself because all clones be the same, really.

Din has gained another brother/bestie. (Or potential future boyfriend, whichever floats your boat.)

Somehow they still end up overthrowing the Hutts.

Officially the GAR knew and knows nothing about the Guard leaving Coruscant as soon as the metaphorical paint was dry on their sentient status.

Unofficially Fox's batch harangues him every single day for photos of his new kid(s). They eventually show up unannounced, demanding time with their nephew. (They are shot at by Thorn.)

Din gains five new uncles.

The batch proudly show pics and holos to their battalions. Din gains millions of new uncles.

Fox finally gets a full night's sleep.

#tcw #tcw fanfiction #commander fox #din djarin #coruscant guard #someone else should write that #tho tbh it's mostly written here just in rambling infodump form #btw this is half-inspired bc red is both baby din and fox's color #din is nonverbal for a little while because Trauma #and gets nicknamed 'Kit' #Fox refuses to be pleased about this #Fox is extremely smugly pleased about this

[phantom-of-the-501st]

And we're back!

Initial thoughts on TBB S3 Eps 1-3

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

3x1 Confined

Final season premiere let's go!!!

Storms are never a good sign

There's creepy shit on Tantiss (crocodile thing from the trailer maybe?)

Although Hemlock counts as creepy enough

He's the creepiest thing on the whole planet 😬

Tbf there's a stunning view, it's just a shame about the prison window blocking it

CROSS IS BACK!!!

Omega blood sample? That's gotta come back later in the season!

Are these blood samples labelled? How tf does anyone know which is which??? That's just bad lab practice 🙄

Oh the weird machine knows. Nvm

"Replicate the genetic M count" and they want Omega's blood???

Nala Se is protecting Megs. Slenderbitch may actually be of some use

Force senstive Megs?

This feels like this is linking with the cloning plot in The Mandalorian

The animal welfare standards here are abysmal 😠

BATCHER?! Oh that's adorable 😍

And I thought Omegas's room was bad holy shit 😭

The grid across Cross' room is casting a crosshair on Omega's face. I love little details like that

21 tallies on wall = 21 rotations? That doesn't seem like very long

STRAW LULA?! 😭❤️

Why are there blood drips going into each sample? This seems like a contamination issue

At least 150 tallies now 😭

Subject will be terminated if they don't heal. Feels very much like the clones when they were on Kamino, which just shows how much the clones were treated like animals

"I belong here" *sobs*

Cross don't make me cry istg. I can't do this at 8am on a Wednesday 😭

Okay but the droid kind of had a point about Batcher struggling in the wild because of Omega domesticating her. One thing you learn about working in a zoo environment is that hand-reared animals have no idea how to behave like their wild counterparts and basically turn into little psychos (like you can't actually be in the same room as some of them levels of bad). That or they rely on people too much and have no idea how to fend for themselves. Either way, the droid wasn't entirely wrong

Hemlock is a bastard 😒

Omega's theme!!!

Season premiere and only two Batcher (neither of whom are Hunt or Wreck). Interesting!

1x2 Paths Unknown

Fucking Roland Durand?!

Did not expect that in episode 2 omg!

Hunter and Wrecker being mercenaries for the Durands?

Ah okay it seems to be a one off

THE GOGGLES IN THE SHIP! 😭😭😭😭

Hunt and Wreck be looking a bit scuffed

Echo and Rex mention!

They won't be available for 2 rotations? Well we're not seeing them this episode then...

Hunter's emotions are making him impulsive and that's not really a good thing

Wrecker is actually the one holding back, which is an interesting dynamic. Wrecker can see how bad Hunter is coping and is probably having to keep him in line as much as he can so that they don't lose another brother

CLONE CADETS! CLONE CADETS!

These ones actually have New Zealand accents as well

The slither vines were genetically made and got out of hand? This is what we mean by invasive species, people. Very much not good

Okay so we have one called Box and one called Stak

Are the cadets not affected by the chips? Do they only active in fully trained soldiers?

We need to get these kids to Echo and Rex

GONKY BACKPACK!!! 😆

Poor Gonky is stuck upside down.

These vines are making vocalisations somehow and it's confusing me. Plant voice boxes?

OKAY WTF ARE THOSE THINGS???

They look like weird green versions of the slogs from Abe's Oddysee

Why are you breaking into the Marauder???

You better not be stealing it. That's already happened and we can't do it again

Okay clone cadet 3 is Deke

Ayyyy rescue time!

Okay, I'll let them off for getting on the ship

Because we totally needed a swampy sarlacc thing rn 😭

PABU!!!

*Remembers invasion of Pabu in trailer* FUCK

1x3 Shadows of Tantiss

I'm going to throw hands if Echo isn't in this episode 😤

Ooh mystery clone(?) who everyone thinks is Tech!

Nala Se is helping again 👀

The special guest is probs Palpatine

Le Palps is back

Project Necromancer - bringing back the dead?

So is this to do with the cloning stuff or something to do with Tech?

Probs the cloning thing tbf

*Angry mouse droid squeaks*

FUCK YEAH CROSS!

Missed watching this guy fight

Cross and Omega team up let's go!!!

Cross doesn't question why Omega only mentioned Wrecker and Hunter. Has Omega told him about Tech or did he just not question why she only brought two up?

And in that case has she told him that Echo is with Rex?

I HAVE QUESTIONS!

Cross went for the stun not the kill. Very different from 2x3

Do you think Hemlock has a scar or does he just choose to shave a slit in his eyebrow? 🤨

Oh great a big green monkey cat. Just what we need!

"Of course he did". CROSSHAIR BEING SOFT ABOUT TECH HELP

Cross is missing shots because of his shaky hands :(

OMEGA M COUNT???

Oooooooh they're adding blood with midichlorians in to the samples to see if they would take. That explains the blood being added to the samples

Overall I love these episodes! It's nice going back and forth between Cross and Omega, and Hunter and Wrecker. We're going to get some interesting dynamics

This is a very sad day for Echo stans though. I feel like we're going to be suffering a lot this season 🥲

And here's the bingo card as of rn!

#glad to be back #need to do some theorising #but I also have to do research for my dissertation so *cries* #the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb hunter

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

#star wars #dooku jedi lost #count dooku #sifo dyas #dooku x sifo dyas #disaster lineage #lene kostana #star wars meta #rael averross #qui gon jinn #I'm being peak on my bullshit in this one. you're welcome and/or I'm sorry as appropriate

[eldritch-spouse]

Cero: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Me: I used your hair gel to give myself a Mohawk! That being said, is it normal for it to burn?

" AND YOU USED MY SPECIFIC BRAND OF HAIR GEL, YOU COMPLETE, WITLESS BUFFOON?! "

The King of Pride booms, boots clinking as he quickly strides across the room to grab you by the shoulders, observing the disgrace that has become your hair.

No shit your scalp is burning, that hair gel is made for a demon of his caliber, it'll turn your hair into a fucking weapon, you're not supposed to put it on the roots like that- Your poor, poor skin is going to fucking peel itself off.

" Idiot. Moron. Loser! " Cero spits, though his tone isn't furious, filled instead of far too much concern while he palps at the greatly irritated skin and you wince audibly.

In a blink, you've been physically lifted off the floor, held under the demonlord's arm as he speed-walks out of the room, kicking doors off their hinges in his haste.

" GET THE OILS. NOW! "

Is the last thing you hear him scream before you're locked in a bathroom with the King himself and at least nine imps all picking and plucking at your scalding scalp.

Judging by the fuming glare he's currently wearing, you're in for one Hell of a scolding.

#Cero oc #tce rp ask #you put on Cero's hair gel and your skin stretches back until you look like a cenobite

[tennessoui]

i know what you mean about anakin as hades’ son but i think he’s also super zeus coded. he loves to fly, lightning gives sith vibes if his dad is meant to be anything like palps (i.e. evil and manipulative) and anakin’s conception is also very zeus-y. like zeus is perfectly capable of turning into air and making shmi think there’s no father. it would also be completely in character for hera to send the sand people after shmi as well if there’s anything like that that happens.

also anakin could totally get his rage from zeus and it also fits the chosen one vibe too. hades might have rage and power but obi-wan would be even more afraid of sleeping with anakin if his dad was the king of the gods who also enacts horrific punishments on anyone who goes against the order of things as he wants them (prometheus, aphrodite, humanity as a whole). go ahead obi-wan catch a flight after fucking anakin that won’t backfire horribly

(In reference to this post)

ah this is excellent meta and a very good argument but this time I really did mean it when I said anakin’s parent was non negotiable in the original post—I’m completely sold and set on hades as being anakin’s godly parent if i fleshed put that Percy Jackson au because I think there’s the creepy dark awkward kid element that hades’ kid would have over zeus’ kid and that’s something I really see with this anakin

also it would be equally as cool if anakin as a kid loved planes and the idea of flying and his mom never let him because he wasn’t zeus’ kid and was hades’. His love of planes and machinery being something inherently just anakin and not from a godly parent and him never being able to enjoy the thing he likes because of the rivalry between them…I like that angst a lot!

#asks #obikin #pjo au #I think Palpatine being Zeus’ kid makes a lot of sense and he could probably get closer to anakin by pushing a cousin angle #like you should trust me I know what you’re going through #and then the lightning makes even more sense