#happy birthday Jake Gyllenhaal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

plutoccult · 5 months

Text

ALWAYS THE ARTIST, NEVER THE MUSE

pairing: eren yeager x gender neutral reader

description: you know you shouldn’t have let yourself fall for eren, but you did anyway, and it only left you with nothing but hurt when you knew his heart belonged to another. after months of torture, you finally have the strength to let go, granting you the happiness you so desperately needed back in your life.

word count: 1.7k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: happy december? no, angsty december. this particular one shot is a little personal for me because it’s based off a final conversation i had with someone who i essentially let have hold of my heart for far too long and finally had the strength to let go of them a few months ago. he’s like jake gyllenhaal minus the age gap. i say this because he gave me the ability to relate to the moment i knew aka not being there for my 21st birthday! insane! i did however make it less personal by giving it some how i met your mother vibes, but there’s still inklings of my personal life in it. writing helps me heal and express my feelings in a way that i’m comfortable with, so i feel good writing this as part of my healing journey? corny to use fanfiction for healing, but to each their own. sorry if this is too angsty, but imagine how my life has been LMAO. anyway, big shoutout to my friend @toorubobatea for beta reading this. i really wanted her to read it before i posted it, so thank you queen!! and now i hope you guys can enjoy it just like she did! mwah! and i’m tagging @jeanboyjean since she so kindly asked me to <3

you knew that the day you met eren yeager, your life would never be the same, but my god, did it your life turn upside down. pulled in so many different directions you couldn’t tell what was left or right anymore. you felt like you were losing yourself in the process, but you wanted more of him like you wanted to breathe air.

it was always a mistake. one beautiful, soul-crushing mistake. he’d lead you on with mixed signals and uncertainty, but you lived for the thrill because it was the only interesting thing going on in your life. it’s “for the plot”, as you’d always say. even if your friends told you a million times he was bad news and you would only get hurt in the end, you didn’t care.

he was just your friend, that’s what you two always claimed; just friends, but you always sensed a hint of a lie in those words. you couldn’t be just friends. not when he remembered everything you said down to what you had for lunch last week or that time your mother fainted as she watched you get stitches for the first time as a kid. not when he spoke to you everyday like clockwork, a routine that seemed to come easy. how could you ever be just friends? how could it not be more?

you were inevitably in love with eren yeager, and it crushed you when you realized he never once had those feelings for you. not only that, but he was in love with someone else; mikasa ackerman, his best friend since childhood. it all made perfect sense, and you wished you never met him in the first place. but even then, you couldn’t keep yourself away from him. as long as he didn’t know of your feelings, everything would be fine, right? oh, how you were so, so wrong.

you tortured yourself every time you spoke to him. you listened to him as he pined for mikasa, too scared to admit his feelings to her. of course you knew what it was like to be in that position, the one you wanted was sitting right in front of you and he didn’t seem to have a clue. it frustrated you so much, but even so, you’d rather have something instead of nothing with him. such a sad way to feel, such a sad way to live when you think about it now. always the artist, never the muse. constantly crafting for others, nothing ever created just for you.

you’d push those feelings deep down into the darkest pit of your heart, but no matter how hard you tried, it would all come back every time you saw his face or even thought of him. those thoughts of maybe if you were prettier, funnier, and just overall better plagued your mind, but you had to shake them away. one day, you knew, you’d ultimately become fed up and blow up about it. it was the only way you knew how, the only way you could be free.

so now here you were, sitting at your usual booth in your favorite bar—assuming it may no longer be yours after tonight—waiting for eren to arrive so you could talk. you assumed he could sense your seriousness and urgency when you texted him, but you figured so be it. one way or another, you’d do this.

he arrived like you expected. you refused to let him make you second guess yourself, so you kept your cool and acted as normal before you dropped the bomb on him. besides, the shot you took before he showed up was quite the help, plus the drink you swirled around in its glass now.

eren walked over to the bar to grab a drink before heading over to the booth, expecting you to stand up and greet him with a hug like always, but you remained in your seat, clutching your drink in your hands.

“hey, i got your text.” he said as he sat down across from you.

“i see that.” you reply. he noticed you were acting different, not like the y/n he knew. it was obvious you had something on your mind, and since he knew you so well, eren could sense you were going to spill your guts about something.

“what’s up? is something wrong?” eren asked. this was it.

“i just.” you pause. oh god, you were really doing this. “i just wanted to say that i’m done with whatever this is.”

he’s silent, he doesn’t know what to say. you feel like the words are all coming out like vomit. you almost wish you were spewing real vomit right now, but you weren’t quite drunk enough for that. you had to get through this hellish conversation first, at least.

“i’m done. i’m not going to make a fool out of myself anymore. i’m done trying. i’m giving up.” you say, tears threatening to stream down your face, but you fight them away. “i’m done exhausting myself of trying to be something i’ll never be because deep down i know i’ll never be yours.”

eren should’ve seen this coming. all those times you fell silent when he ranted to you about his love problems. you always wanted to scream in his face about how the one person in this world that actually wanted him was always right there, that it was you. even so, he could never give you what you wanted, and he felt like the worst person in the world because of it.

you wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. if this was going to be your final conversation, he might as well say something. “well, speak now or forever hold your peace because i’m clearly not holding mine.”

“i mean, it’s just not what i was expecting to hear.” eren finally spoke. “i’m just shocked.”

“trust me, i never expected to say it either, but if i’ve learned anything, it’s that i care too much.” you tearfully admit. “too much about you when i know where your heart belongs and it’s not with me.”

“i’m sorry, y/n. i never meant for things to get like this.” he said with sincerity, although you wondered if it was all a lie. “and you must know that there was never any hostile intentions behind any of my actions.”

“that’s funny. it always seemed like there was.” you looked down at your drink, quickly moving your gaze back to him as he spoke once more.

“no, you…” eren paused, trying to put the words together in the best way he could. even if he didn’t seem like it, he did care someway, somehow. “you’ve been there for me when i needed someone most and i’m really, really grateful for that, but i can’t give you what you want, and i’ve been unfair to you as a result. i’m sorry.”

huh. this really wasn’t what you were expecting. where’s the insults? where’s the twisting of your words? why is he actually being apologetic and taking accountability? you wanted to say this was crazy, but this is eren you’re talking about. you always knew he was too good. too good to ever be yours, even.

“you know, this is usually the part where you flip out and make it all my fault instead by calling me delusional and crazy.” you force a laugh. might as well laugh through the pain, right?

“i’m not gonna flip out.” eren said.

“why?” you question him.

“because i know i’ve done wrong by you.” he replied.

“well, that’s a shock.” you take a sip of your drink, tempted to chug it, but eren’s words shocked you into stopping the liquid from going past your lips.

“it shouldn’t have to be, y/n.” he frowned. “you deserve someone who won’t weigh you down. you deserve to move on, even if it’s not flattering for me.”

you set down your drink as you let out a sigh and briefly cover your face, rubbing your eyes before showing yourself once more. “i hate that you’re being so nice about this. i was expecting to yell at you or something.”

“do you want to?” eren asked you.

as much as past you would have loved to, you didn’t have the energy to be bitter anymore. “no… i’m okay. this is better.”

“you sure?”

“yeah, positive.” you say, followed by silence. there wasn’t much for you to say anymore, and you couldn’t beat on this dead horse any longer. it was time to finally say goodbye, no matter how much it pained you to do so. “um, i guess we should just end this here, huh?”

“yeah, guess so.” he looked away. this hurt eren too, but you both knew this was for the best. you’ll be thankful later down the road.

“would it be totally wrong to sneak in a taylor swift quote right now?” you ask, almost immediately regretting the question.

“no, go for it.”

“eh, maybe not. too corny.” you thought it would be best to keep those words to yourself. besides, it was too hard to pin it down to just one thing. he was worth a hundred songs, ones you may never listen to the same way, but that’s okay.

“she’s a wise, wise woman, you know.” eren said, a grin slowly creeping up on his face, despite the circumstances.

“yeah, she is.” you softly smile. at least you could end this on a little good note.

“goodbye, y/n. i wish you the best in everything.”

“goodbye, eren. i really hope you get her someday.”

and with that, you placed a twenty dollar bill on the table and left the bar, no longer claiming it as your favorite and leaving it to eren, along with your favorite place to sit. like with everything else in life, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same, and that’s okay. you knew that now.

it was such a strange feeling, having this weight lifted off your shoulders. you had been burdened with this boulder for so long you forgot what it felt like to be weightless. you were finally clean of eren yeager, light as a feather, but most importantly, happy, and freeing yourself of such delusions was the greatest gift you could ever receive.

134 notes · View notes

charliehoennam · 8 months

Text

Jarhead

Chapter 1 - The Set Up

A/N: this is a little series based on Jake Gyllenhaal's character Anthony Swofford in the movie Jarhead. Jake is just too cute in the movie to ignore and I just wanna give him a happy ending with lots of angst on the way there. Shoutout to @juniebugg for the idea!

Pairing: Anthony Swofford x f!reader

Warnings: mentions of bad break-ups, flirtation, language, no smut....yet

Word count: 3,185

SHARING IS CARING, SO REBLOG!

You walked into the salon, greeting your lady co-workers as you strutted to your station. Doing hair was definitely not putting your degree in practice, but it got your bills paid. And you found it rather pleasing helping other regain their confidence. The salon belonged to your aunt and you had worked there since high school. It helped get you through high school and college, though it wasn’t quite enough to keep you from applying for student loans.

Despite not being in your area, you liked the salon. You liked the people you met, the elderly regulars that stopped by once a week for a perm or a manicure, the neighborhood gossip that they were always eager to share, the co-workers that always had your back.

One of them was Maria. She was a beautiful woman with long dark hair and tan skin that made even gold envious. She was admirable in so many ways. With her husband, Juan, away on deployment, she was quickly thrust into the role of a single parent to their 3-year-old son. She never complained about it. She might have complained about Juan and his habits, but never that he had to be away. In some ways, she was very thankful. The Marines had provided many benefits for them to compensate for his absence like providing stable housing, health-care and education for their family. Granted there were flaws in the system and his absence was at times unbearable, she understood and supported his decision to enlist. Aside from being a great wife and mother, she was also your great friend.

“Buenos, chica” she smiled hugging you. “How was your date last night?”

“Total dud. Just didn’t really click, you know?”

“Yeah, I know why too. You still hung up on that fool.”

“I’m not hung up on anyone.”

“Yes, you are. That puto lost the best thing that ever happened to him, but you know what? Good for you. You’re better without him and you deserve better than his broke ass.”

“Can we please not talk about him?” You sighed, eager to leave your ex in the past.

“As you wish, chica. Besides, I got someone I want you to meet.” She smirked widely prepping her hair brushes and combs to make sure they’re clean for a new day.

“He cute?”

“Don’t tell Juan, but he is fine, chica. I love my man, but I know fine when I see it” she laughed nudging you with her elbow. “His name is Tony, he’s gonna be at the barbeque we’re having for this weekend for Daniel’s birthday. You’re coming, right? Danny’s gonna be so sad if you don’t.”

“I’ll be there, don’t worry” you chuckled as you reassured her. “I already got his present and everything. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You know how I adore that little man.”

And you really did. You often babysat him when Juan was on leave and needed some alone time with his wife.

“Good, because I already told Tony I’ll be introducing you to him.”

“Are you serious? You know how I feel about that, Mari.”

“Girl, don’t worry. I showed him a picture and he’s interested. I think you guys are a great match and Juan agrees.”

“Juan agrees with everything you say, he’s your husband” you laughed.

“Well, just come out and meet him. You don’t have to do anything and if you’re not interested, I’ll forget it. But trust me, you’re gonna wanna meet him” she chuckled with a smirk.

"Fine. I'll meet him, but I'm not promising anything."

From everything she described about Tony, you couldn't deny the butterflies forming in your stomach as the days went by. As the hours crept closer, they quickly began to swarm in your belly and you couldn't remember the last time you felt this way.

You decided to look extra nice that day. It was more than just a casual birthday party, but you also didn't want to go over the top. Settling on a new figure flattering skirt and cute top, you accessorized strategically with a cute necklace that hung just above your fairly modest cleavage. You weren't hoping to end up married by the end of the day, but Lord knows you needed some physical action.

The party was already in full swing by the time you arrived with your renowned dish of crispy and perfectly seasoned panko fried vegetables. Knowing they were a popular favorite among the adults, you'd made more than plenty in two large aluminum foil pans.

Walking into the backyard through the side gate, you immediately recognized the song playing from inside the house. Love Like This by Faith Evans was a personal favorite of Maria's and you had sung to that exactly CD mix in the car plenty of times driving home from your girls night out.

The kids were happily playing on the bounce house Juan had rented for the day. Some played in the pool, stopping only to find their parents for a drink of water. Most of the women were sat by the picnic table setting out the food, so you quickly made your way over to greet them. You knew everyone pretty well having been a family friend for years. Some were Maria's aunts and cousins. A few were your own co-workers and you greeted everyone, with a warm, bright smile and a gentle embrace.

Looking over at the grilling area that had been Juan's third pride and joy - second to the pool he had been finally able to afford and his very own family- you couldn't help but scan over the men gathered there. You couldn't make out what they were talking about, but you knew that Tony had to be one of them. Your heart raced at the thought.

Your eyes landed on a tall man stood beside Juan, helping him man the grill. His hair was short as if he'd been growing it out after a buzz cut. His features strongly resembled Maria's description. His smile stretched from ear to ear as he patted Juan on his shoulder, possibly complimenting him on something. You couldn't tell what he said; the distance and music didn't quite favor that. His long thick eyebrows intensified the bright blue orbs that shone even from a distance and sent goosebumps down your arms the second he caught you staring.

You blushed and quickly looked back down at your dish as you removed the aluminum foil to reveal the fried tasty side dish, secretly praying he hadn't noticed. But unknowingly to you, he had.

Just as you knew who he was, he knew exactly who you were as well. Juan told him all about you the day after he'd agreed with Maria to hook you two up. And Tony couldn't be more thankful. He was starstruck the minute he saw you arrived. Juan nodded at you with a smirk as he laid another steak on the grill.

"That's her, man. What do you think huh?"

"I think she's fucking beautiful, that's what I think" he chuckled excitedly as he patted his friend’s shoulder. "What’s her name again?” he joked.

"Dude, I know your brain is small and can only process shit at a slow pace, but please don't fuck up her name" Juan joked.

"I got it covered, man. Relax. Y/N will be in good hands soon enough" Tony chuckles back at him.

After sharing a couple smiles and glances, you decided to make the first move and walked over to grilling area as the guys began served the perfectly charred meats.

"Think you fellas could spare me a steak?" You smirked glancing between them.

"You can have your pick, sweetheart" Tony smiled back. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Tony" he stated holding his hand out.

"Pleasure to meet you. If you're Tony, then I guess we hardly need an introduction. Maria's told me a bit about you already" you smirked shaking his hand.

"Has she?" You nodded with a smirk.

"Good things though. She said you're a real gentleman."

"I try to be, at least" he smiled.

Seeing him up close now, you couldn't help but take in all his details. His long brown eyelashes only embellished his blue doe eyes. Small brown freckles adorned his skin. His beard was grown out just enough to notice he had nice potential of beautifully growing it out to its full extent, but not long enough to hide the skin, dimples and freckles underneath it. He was a sight for sore eyes.

The attraction between you and Tony was undeniable. You invited him to sit with you at one of the fold-out tables to eat. The conversation flowed naturally as you savored your meal and watched the children play while the hours passed. It might have been due to the fact that you had a bit in common like similar musical taste or interest in movies and books.

Not everything was in mutual interest and Tony liked that you were willing to debate and defend your beliefs. He admired that about you, that you stuck to your guns. He also liked that you didn't shy away from teasing and joking. It had felt like you'd known each other for years before. Like two old friends reunited after years apart, almost as if time had no effect. Tony had craved for that: the instant connection and not only attraction. He'd met plenty of girls before, but it had been a while since he felt a connection with someone. Due to the way his last relationship with his ex, Kristina, had ended, Tony hadn’t allowed himself to get too comfortable with girls. He had his flings and they stayed just that: flings with no emotional attachment. Until now. Until he met you. And his favorite thing about meeting you? How easily you made him forget about the world surrounding you both.

You two seemed to be inseparable the whole day until Daniel raced over to you, excitedly asking about the present you had promised. It was only then that you realized you forgot it in the car.

You made your way to the gate and left the backyard to walk out to your car. It had barely shut behind you when you heard it open back up. Turning around, you found Tony stepping out.

"Tony." You smiled curiously. "You forget something too?"

"Uh, no. Not exactly."

His lips curled into a smirk as he tenderly cradled the side of your neck. Guiding your lips to his, he pressed a sweet kiss. You could feel him smile into it as he relished the wet warmth of your lips slowly melting into his.

"I'm sorry. I probably should've asked first, but I've been dying to do that all day."

You could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks as you beamed up at him.

"N-no, don't apologize." You stuttered, still stunned at the very pleasant surprise. "I'm definitely not sorry about it at all."

"Neither am I really." He smirked and returned to the backyard with the widest grin on his face.

Juan was quick to notice the smile and seemed to read Tony’s mind when he walked back to continue his help, slicing and distributing the steaks, sausages and chicken wings.

“Oh, you went for it, didn’t you? Cabron! I knew you would. You’re a dog” Juan laughed, nudging his friend.

Soon after everyone had had a couple slices of the delicious chocolate cake, the party had come to its end and you offered to stay and help the small family clean up. Tony stuck around as well since you promised him a ride home, but he was more than quick to help out. So, you got ahold of a large garbage bag and went around the backyard, collecting the disposal plates, cups and forks that some guests had forgotten to throw out. Tony was further down the yard, helping Juan scrub the grill down.

Daniel sat up on the porch, opening his brand-new presents. You smiled as you watched his excited reaction to the new water gun you'd gotten him. It was more like a rifle and the size of it made the little boy even more eager to try it out. You were quick to offer to help him fill it up. Once it was full, his little legs quickly ran across the yard toward Tony and his father. His first victim was Juan. Tony was right after.

"Oh, no! Man down! Man down!" Tony exclaimed, holding the wet spot on his chest as he fell to one knee.

"Please, Danny. I thought we were friends. I let you have a cupcake before the cake." His voice was strained as if in pain.

You had to admit, Tony was a pretty good actor. The way he fell to his side when Daniel sprayed him again was pretty realistic. He played dead until Daniel was close enough. Suddenly shooting up, he grabbed the child careful enough to not hurt him and wrapped his arms around him. Daniel's laughs filled the air as he dropped the toy gun.

"Get his weapon, Cortez!"

Juan smirked and quickly picked it up to spray his son.

You chuckled as you watched the wholesome scene. Tony clearly had a way with kids due to his playful nature. It made you wonder if he would be the same with his own kids. It made you think about having your own kids and you wondered if that could happen with Tony, but it was far too early to even think about that.

"So, what do you think, chica?" Maria asked coming into the kitchen and snapping you out of your daze.

"Huh? Oh, sorry" you chuckled blushing. "About?"

"About Tony, duh!"

"He's uh definitely cuter than you described." You smirked, replying in the most modest way possible.

"I told you he was fine" she laughed. "You know he likes you too?"

"Does he?" You smiled thinking about the kiss.

"Yeah, but I think you knew that already."

Damn right, you did.

After saying goodbye to everyone, Maria handed you a couple of containers full of leftover food and cake. She'd always separate some for you to take home after get-togethers. It was her way of thanking you for all the help you gave them when they needed it.

“You sure you don’t mind that I’m kinda wet?” Tony asked slightly worried that he’d ruin your passenger seat as he fidgeted with the containers in his lap as you drove to his home.

“Don’t worry. This car has seen a lot worse” you chuckled. It wasn’t the fanciest car, but it served enough to get you from point A to point B.

“You got a pretty nice way with kids. You got any of your own?”

You wanted to be as subtle as possible about your curiosity in his past relationships and his opinion on having kids.

“I don’t, no. But who knows one day? I do have a sister though. Rini… She’s younger than me. Guess that’s how I got my way with ‘em.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I didn’t know you had a sister. She nice?”

“She’s great. Real sweetheart. I love her to death.”

“I take you’re very close?”

“Yeah. We try to be, at least. My folks aren’t exactly the Brady Bunch, so we try to be there for each other.”

The way he didn’t delve into too many details made you think it might have been a sensitive subject to touch on, at least for a first date. Despite being curious about his family history, you simply nodded and glanced at him with a smile.

“Family can be tough. Wouldn’t be family if they weren’t” you chuckled.

To diffuse the hidden discomfort, you reached out and turned on the radio. Skimming through the channels, he grinned when he caught the sound of one of his favorites, Hip Hop Hooray by Naughty By Nature.

“N-no, no, leave it there. This is a great song, one of my favorites.”

He quickly jumped into the middle of the first verse, rapping along to the song perfectly knowing every lyric by heart. You smiled widely listening to him before joining him in the chorus, waving a hand side to side to the beat of the song. He was surprised when you joined in on the second verse, proving you knew just as much as he did.

You sang along together the rest of the way. If there had been a worry in mind, neither of you could think about them now. It was a perfect ending the day you had. Neither of you wanted it to end just yet.

Pulling to the front of his humble townhouse, you parked and shut the car off.

“You know somethin’?” He started as he leaned back against the headrest, rolling his head over to gaze at you longingly. “I had a really great day, thanks to you. I was nervous when Juan said you’d be there today. I didn’t really know what to expect. But I’m really glad I met you.”

You smiled as you unconsciously mimicked his movement and leaned back into your seat.

“Don’t sweat it. I was nervous as shit too” you chuckled. “But I have no regrets. I had a great time too.”

“It doesn’t have to end if you don’t want it to.”

“You trying to say something, Tony?” you smirked.

“Maybe. I’m just saying” he shrugged with a sly smile. “Maybe you could come in and I dunno. Maybe have some wine with me.”

“I’m driving tonight though.”

“You could sleep it off at my place. Drive home in the morning.”

You wanted to say yes. You wanted nothing more than to mount him like a horse and ride him all night. You were eager to get laid at first. You hadn’t expected to really like Tony. The fear of coming off desperate must have been radiating off of you. You could’ve sworn he was reading your mind when he reached over to hold your hand as you began nervously picking at your nails.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I really mean that, sweetheart” he said with a soft comforting tone, looking down at your hands aa he thought about how perfectly they would fit together with his. “I just really like talking to you. And it’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to just talk, you know? You can crash on the couch if you want. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

His concern for your sense of security was genuine. He wasn’t going to come onto you if you don’t want him to. It was everything you needed to hear to silence the doubt in your head.

“Yeah” you smiled from ear to ear. “I’d love some wine. And just you know, you don’t have to keep your hands to yourself.”

#anthony swofford #anthony swofford x reader #anthony swofford x you #anthony swofford x y/n #jarhead #jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal x reader #jake gyllenhaal imagine #jake gyllenhaal fanfic

119 notes · View notes