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neonghostlights · 1 year

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Series Masterlist

A/N: I rewrote this three times and I kept crying. Listened to Go Solo by Tom Rosenthal while writing this. Have fun.

Warnings: Lots of heartbreaking angst and longing, Readers not in this one, doesn’t reveal a whole lot, sorry. 18+ only, minors DNI.

Summary: You haven’t been the same since you woke up in the hospital with memory loss after the earthquake hit Hawkins. When strange things start happening and you feel like you’ve started losing your mind, a group of strangers offer to help. Even though you’ve never met them before, they seem to know you better than you think.

Part Six-Eddie’s POV

Friday, September 26th, 1986

The towel made a squeaking noise as he rubbed it against the mirror to clear the condensation from his shower.

The bathroom in the new trailer was a little bit larger than the last. Him and Wayne were fortunate to get a two bedroom, meaning Wayne got his own room too after years of not having one. Wayne didn’t have to sleep on that old stupid cot or the couch anymore. Eddie noticed he didn’t complain much about his back as much now that he had made the transition to an actual bed.

Not like the cot or couch even existed anymore. He kissed those and their entire home goodbye.

At least this new trailer wasn’t in a park anymore, but on a plot of land away from town.

Somehow, Eddie’s room was spared for the most part in the old trailer, a few things knocked over here and there. Wayne had joked that Eddie’s room had always looked destroyed, so he couldn’t tell the difference. When Eddie didn’t laugh, Wayne didn’t joke about it again.

That’s one thing out of many that Eddie feels guilty for. He didn’t mean to bombard into Wayne’s life like a bull in a china shop and tear everything apart with his bare hands, but here he was.

He stared into the small bathroom mirror that hung above the sink. Turning his body slightly to the left, and then to the right, he checked out his scars. Pink and still raised, like the doctors said they would be for a while.

He honestly didn’t even care about the scars. He had made it out alive despite his stupidity. The marks on his body reminded him that what happened was real. It wasn’t some sick and twisted nightmare his brain had conjured up to fuck with him.

Turns out nightmares happen when you’re awake too.

So the scars were his reminders. These days, he relied heavily on reminders, some good and some bad.

You almost touched the scar on his chest the other day when he made fun of the sandwich you had made him. Your hand swung out to swat at him playfully, something that you didn’t realize you had done a million times before. He caught your hand before it could make contact though. Worried that you would be able to feel the disfigured skin through his t-shirt.

If you got your memory back tomorrow would you still love him? Scars and all?

He knows you would.

He got dressed into his work uniform. Clothes stained from motor oil no matter how many times he tried to wash them or scrub them out.

Groaning, he moved his tired body back to his room.

His room. His lonely, sad room.

He never hung the posters that he was able to save up and his guitar no longer hung proudly in the forefront of his room. Instead, it sat in the back of his closet, collecting dust. He couldn’t bring himself to play anymore. It was another reminder.

He sat on the side of the unmade bed, not too concerned about being late for work. He was part time and kept away from the prying eyes of most customers. He knows it was a pity hire, but if he turned it down that would be another thing to feel guilty for. Another way to let Wayne down.

Another way to let you down.

He tries to push the thought away, not ready to process the loss he’s suffered this early in the morning. But lately, he’s been a sucker for pain. He lets his mind wander to a place he would want to remain in for the rest of the day, for the rest of his life. A place where you still loved him.

He thinks you would like the new trailer. He can imagine you bringing your sunlight in with you, just like you did everywhere you went. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine you waltzing through here oohing and aahing at everything you saw, coming up with ideas on how to make the place more ‘homey’. Trying to make the best out of every situation, no matter how shitty it was.

Looking over at his nightstand he sees the framed picture of you and him the day you graduated. You were laughing at something dumb Eddie had said. Eddie was so grateful for the damn picture, it was tangible proof that you two had loved each other deeply. It was obvious by your smile, and the way he looked at you.

Reaching into his nightstand drawer, he finds the object that was the main reason he had returned to that trailer in the first place.

He held the velvet box between his fingers, feeling the soft material. He opened the box slowly to reveal the ruby engagement ring. The ruby was round, placed on a gold band with small diamonds surrounding the gem.

Eddie remembers the day you spotted it in the antique store in town you frequented. Your whole face lit up as you stared at it behind the glass. Eddie had always known he would marry you, and the second he saw that ring he knew it was the one.

Right after he dropped you off at home that day, making up an excuse about needing to help Wayne with something, he rushed back to the store and begged the owner not to sell it to anyone else until he got the money together for it.

He had never sold so much for Rick in his life. He worked as many odd jobs around the park as he could. He even picked up a weekend job. And finally, after months of hard work, he got the ring.

He just had to wait until after graduation, get his diploma and then a job. He didn’t even care if his future career wasn’t in music anymore.

He just wanted to marry you. The love of his life.

Snapping the box shut, he put it back in the drawer. The pain in his chest growing too painful when he thinks about what could have been.

He doesn’t know what went wrong. He can only blame himself though, if he hadn't cut the rope, everything would be okay. You would still be okay. You wouldn’t look at him like a stranger anymore.

If only it was so easy to rewind time, he would watch over and over to try to figure it out. He was told it was a head injury, but how? Dustin had been with you while you both sobbed over his bleeding body. Eddie hadn’t been lucid enough to notice, but one moment you were normal and the next you were gone.

Dustin says he never saw you hit your head but there was so much going on that he might have missed it. Dustin was tired of repeating the story over and over again. The situation was traumatic for him too.

Eddie remembers the bats, the biting, the blood and the screams. He remembers hearing you trying to help him, desperately trying to keep the blood in his body and his heart pumping. The world grew colder and colder. The only thoughts replaying in his head was that he would never get to marry you now. Never get to see you smile at him again pure love in your eyes. No more donut runs on Saturday mornings when you dragged him out of bed by his feet. He wouldn’t get to see the way you bobbed your head to a song you really liked or chewed on your lip when you were mad.

By the time he had stopped bleeding, your mind was already gone.

Dustin calls it a miracle that he stopped bleeding. The doctors aren’t sure how it happened. They told him he got a second shot at life.

Sometimes he thinks that he actually did die and was damned to a hell where his love didn’t love him anymore.

Steve and Nancy think the trauma was too much for you. Seeing the love of your life torn apart was too much. That your brain had flipped a switch to protect itself. Your mind wanted to tune out before it had to watch Eddie die.

Eddie thinks that’s bullshit. He didn’t die. He’s still here and you still don’t know him.

So he plans to prove them wrong.

He knows that deep down you know him.

The group has been divided over what to do. Vecna was still alive and had been eerily quiet since the quake, Max was still in a coma even though it had been months, and you didn’t even remember him.

Your freak out the other day terrified him. It hurt him so bad to see you like that.

He hadn’t told the group about it yet. He knew that Robin and the kids were on his side with his plan to make you remember him, although they were concocting plans of their own. Nancy and Jonathan remained neutral.

Steve was the main problem. He was so determined to listen to the science and what the doctors and your mom thought was best for you. Eddie already had to have a talk with him about being cold to you and making you upset at work. He doesn’t know what would happen if he had to talk to him again. He liked Harrington, but he wasn’t going to stand around and let him hurt his girl's feelings.

Eddie stood from the bed and made his way through the house and out the front door.

He wished he could see you today. He wished he didn’t have to go to this stupid job. If it was up to him, he would make up a million excuses to always be at your house.

Do you even remember that the house was left to you by your grandma? That it’s in your name? Or is that another thing your mom was hiding from you under the guise of ‘protection’? He would bet money that your mom made it seem like she’s letting you live there as a favor, just so she could pull it out from under you whenever she wanted to.

Did you know that you and him were supposed to move in there together after he graduated?

The morning after he painted the living room, you tried to shove some money into his hand. He refused it, laughing and tossing it back at you. He wonders how much of a fight you’re going to put up when you realize he’s not even going to let you pay for any of the repairs on the car.

He had left his phone number for you before he left your house. Told you to call if there was an emergency. A selfish part of him hoped you would call even if it wasn’t an emergency.

He listens to loud music on the way to work to try to drown out the thoughts about you. It never works.

Your face is in the front of his mind as usual. Like it’s been everyday for the past two years. Maybe even longer.

Unlike two years ago though, you look so lost now. The light that was once in your eyes has dimmed. You’re constantly looking around like you’re scared something is going to jump out at you.

He knows that you’re in there somewhere though. You’ve always been so observant, much more than him. Sometimes when he’s talking to you he notices a little spark in your eye, like maybe you’re trying to remember something but then give up.

He’s going to keep fighting though. He made a promise to not only you but himself that he wouldn’t give up on you. He would keep trying no matter how long it took.

And when he got to work, the thought of seeing your face tomorrow is what got him through the day.

Tag list: (Tag wouldn't work)

@sadbitchfangirll @gaysludge @daisydamed

@mandyjo8719 @josephquinncore @stevieharringtonswife @hazydespair @sheneedsrocknroll92 @mopeymopeymouse

@portaltothevoidd @sidthedollface2 @mjmunson93 @pbs-theundeadmaggott @luceneraium @aliceheart247 @kaitebugg03 @emxxblog @blue-eyed-lion @boo22sstuff* @aysheashea @lfaewrites @madaboutjoe

@sweetmariihs2 @wendyfawcettt @ohmeg

@dragonfire @eddiesguitarskills @manda-panda-monium @imtryingahh

Reminder: Taglist is 18+ only.

#eddie munson au #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson series #eddie munson imagine #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #mechanic!eddie munson x reader

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milawritesstuff · 1 year

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That one scene in sex education between Adam and Eric, it was so fucking hot when they were enemies, here is the link if you haven’t seen it https://youtu.be/7kkVoQPT0SU, pablo gavi smut of it but instead of school it’s like you are on rival teams and then one day are admitted into the same team, also a universe where girls and boys play together <3

A/N: Ok I combined these two and kind of switched it up a bit from the requested. Hope you like it.

Warnings: Smut

•••

You rolled your eyes as the whole table laughed. Your eyes met with Gavi’s who had just finished saying a joke that truly wasn’t even funny. He quickly noticed your reaction and made a face at you. You flipped him off and returned to your food.

You had known Gavi for years, first meeting him when your club went to play in Barcelona against his. He hates what you were from Real Madrid. You were kids when you first met and a lot of your friends had left for other clubs and for that reason you were the one he didn’t like. Every few months your group would get together, this time it turned out was in Madrid since Gavi had traveled with his team for a clasico.

-So who do you think is going to win?- He asked you as he raised an eyebrow. You scoffed but he didn’t let you answer. -Actually, I mean, by how much do you think your little team is going to lose by?- He asked with a laugh.

-We’ll see tomorrow, Gavi. Don’t come crying when Vini kicks your ass.- You taunted him knowing how easy it was to rile him up.

-It’s Pablo for you, I already told you only my friends get to call me Gavi.-

You rolled your eyes. -Half of Spain calls you Gavi, what are you talking about?

-But they’re my fans. And you’re not.- He responded.

By this point the rest of the table had turned to other conversations completely tired of yours and Gavi’s constant bickering.

-I would be crazy to be a fan of such a child.- You said despite being his age. He looked at you angrily. -At least I have fans.-

The next day you were at Santiago Bernabeu for the clasico and couldn’t believe Real had lost. You didn’t want to see Gavi because he would be even more obnoxious after the win. You tried to leave right after the end of the game but as you were walking to your car you heard him behind you.

-You are a sore loser, you know?- You turned around to face him. -What do you want, Pablo?-

He shrugged his shoulders. -I just wanted to see your face.- You looked at him confused. -Don’t get any ideas, I wanted to see your face after losing.-

You rolled your eyes. -I would be ashamed after winning the way your team did.- You blurted out trying to get back at him.

Before you could say anything he pulled you by the arm and into a nearby closet where they kept balls and other equipment. The closet was lit by the small bits of light that streamed in through the door cracks.

-What the hell, Pablo.- You felt as his body came close to yours.

-Why do you hate me so much?- He finally asked. His light brown eyes looking down at you. You put your hands on his chest and tried to push him away.

-What are you talking about? You’ve always hated me. Since the day we met you won’t stop calling me names, telling people I’m not good, calling me a niñata, telling me I’m ugly.-

You heard him chuckle.

-Fuck you, Pablo.- You finally said. He continued to giggle as you grabbed some balls that were nearby and threw them at him.

-You wish you could.- He said.

-Ouch!- You heard him yell but you didn’t care. You were letting your anger out. Throwing everything at him including balls and cones.

-You’re so cocky. I don’t understand why half of Spain is so in love with you when you’re the most obnoxious person I have ever met.- You continued your rant.

-I’m pretty sure it’s more than just half of Spain.- He said causing you to become even more angry. You had nothing else to throw at him and all you could do was begin to slap his chest.

Suddenly you felt his body come closer to you and he grabbed your wrists stopping your assault on him. In a swift move he turned you and him and you were now pushed against the closet door.

Your arms over your head as he continued to grab onto your wrists. His face now close to yours and you could feel his breathe on you.

-Tell me you don’t hate me.- He said. You rolled your eyes. -I can’t lie.- You said point blank.

He stared at you. You gulped trying to keep your tough girl act up but you were failing miserably. Maybe you did like him, maybe he wasn’t so intolerable. No. No. This is Pablo Gavira, the boy you have hated since childhood.

As a million thoughts ran through your mind you were startled by his lips attacking yours. -Pablo, what the fuck.- You said causing him to pull away. His eyes looking down at yours. But as the two of you stood there now you were the one who pushed yourself onto him so your lips could meet.

His body tumbled closer to you as he let go of your wrists finally and you felt his hands on your waist. Your back against the cold door.

You felt as his hands now traveled to your ass pushing you closer to him, your middles pressing onto each other. -Jump.- He said and you didn’t hesitate. You wrapped your legs around his body as he continued to kiss you.

He was still sweaty and somehow that turned you on even more. His mouth went from your lips to your neck. Your hands around his head. Your eyes closed feeling as he nibbled down your neck. -Pablo.- You moaned and you could feel him smiling.

His mouth traveled down south again and he was now on your breasts leaving small nibbles on what was exposed from your shirt. Before you knew it he had taken his jersey off and managed to take your pants down. You tugged at the waistband of his shorts and he pulled them down allowing them to fall at the base of his legs on the ground.

As he continued to kiss you, you could feel his tip touching your entrance. -Tell me you hate me.- He said in between kisses. -I hate you so much.- You said.

His hands around your ass holding you up and in one swift movement you felt as he entered you. You moaned in pleasure. -I hate you so much Pablo Gavira.- You said again. His hands grabbing onto you with so much strength you knew you would have bruises tomorrow.

You could feel him thrusting into you. Each time going in deeper and hitting your spot. Your hands now wrapped around his neck trying to give yourself enough momentum to move on him.

His mouth went onto your breasts as he took one into his mouth. It felt like pure heaven.

-I’ve never hated someone like you.- He said as he whimpered. Your bottom lip in between your teeth trying to hold in any noise you wanted to make because his thrusting was driving you wild. He moved one hand away from your behind and slowly caressed your lips causing your teeth to let you.

-I want to hear you. I want to hear how much you hate me.-

He pushed into you one more time and you felt a wave of pleasure travel throughout your body. You held on to his neck and moaned one last time. -Pablo.-

Tag list:

@cinderellawithashoe @httpswiftie @simpingmyassoff @bubblebeep69 @fictional-l0v3r @httpspedri26 @0alanasworld0 @l0verl4ne @gaviypedrisbride @footballerficsposts @fashphotolife @beaschampagneproblems @jvsgnjrtpdar5stkd-tv-m @ikkehehe @jjishotasf @quemirasboboandapaya @maricciardo @gaviswh0re @pedriwifefrfr @dustell @elijahslover @formula1mount

#gavi x reader #pablo gavira #gavi imagines #gavi imagine #pablo gavira paez #gavi fluff #gavi angst #gavi x you

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chemtrailsovertheccs · 8 months

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carl grimes short imagines + headcanons

fall themed!🍂

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• Not so long ago, Carl used to have many sleeping issues, such as not being able to sleep more than 3 hours per night, due to the uncontrollable need to be awake just in case anyone needed his help. That changed effortlessly thanks to your help and how safe you made him feel. He used to sleep in normal day clothes because who knows when he would’ve needed to wake up fast and run. Now, he loves to sleep in his underwear and grandpa sweaters. Those big brown and orange comfy sweaters.

“they’re SO itchy how the fuck do you keep these on?”

“what do you mean??? they’re so comfy and warm?”

• You two are often outside the walls with others, looking for firewood because the chilly weather requires a place to stay warm in. You both take your time and enjoy the view; the beautiful fall forest with its falling leaves and its chilly breeze. You two wander around and your holding into his arm laughing about how you’ve been outside for a few hours and you still haven’t picked up a single piece of wood.

“look at those squirrels, they’re literally us”

“they’re in love and they have 2 baby squirrels at home they need to feed”

“do you think judith would eat these acorns?”

• You have always had a special liking for candles. Big ones, scented ones, unscented ones, tall ones, small ones, tea candles. Any kind honestly, in the apocalypse I wouldn’t go asking for specific scents or sizes, anything is okay. Carl knew this, he knows you like the palm of his hand. Once he found a box at the back of a closet in a house he entered when on a run, it was filled with candles. He grabbed all of them and put them in his backpack.

“I have something for you, my loveee”

“you planned on making me cry today didn’t you”

• Pumpkins take about 4 months to fully grow, and you somehow knew that. In what you were told was early summer, you had told Carl that you would love to grow pumpkins for fall and how this was the perfect time to start so you could enjoy them when the spooky season arrived. For carving & helping Carol to make pumpkin cookies out of them!

“I have this tiny bag of pumpkin seeds do you think they’ll grow?”

“we will find out”

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headcanons! very real (not fall themed)

- Very obvious his love language is physical touch oh great heavens. Hand/arm holding, hugging, cuddling, legs touching under the table, anything fr. AND he doesn’t care if anyone notices, that’s even better! He loves to let everyone know you’re very much in love and very much marrying eachother.

- As I said, PDA (public display of affection) doesn’t bother him in the slightest. He kisses you, hugs you, holds you around people, but there is an exception, and that would be when his dad is around, (because even though everyone likes to harmlessly joke about the youngest couple that looks like they’ve been married for 50+ years and still love eachother like the first day) Rick is his father so everything is 200% more embarrassing.

- We all know Michonne is his best friend, and he loves to talk to her about you. And she loves listening! Doesn’t matter if it is about explaining to her why he loves you so much or how pretty he thinks you are or if you two had an argument and he needs Michonne’s help because he’s very sad that you two argued.

- Going back to the holding hands thing. CAN YOU TELL I LOVE HOLDING HANDS anyway his hands aren’t soft! his hands are rough and calloused and harsh BECAUSE WE’RE IN THE APOCALYPSE and that’s okay!!! you love his hands and it doesn’t matter that they’re not perfect.

- He knows how to braid hair!! Trust me he’s the best at braiding hair now that you taught him how, he braids your hair all the time and Judith’s too, even though hers is shorter.

- He loves to talk to you about anything really, but he absolutely adores to talk to you about his comics and ask you to read his favorites so you can discuss about what your favorite characters are.

- He used to go outside the walls all the time, like after any inconvenience (not necessarily involving you) he would climb up those walls and disappear for a while which you HIGHLY disliked because what the fuck Carl I love you don’t go get killed?? anyway he stopped doing it by himself and started going with you but then realized, hey what a waste of energy we should use the goddamn gate! so now you two went on runs whenever Alexandria ran low on something. Cool because people actually knew that you were outside so they would come looking for you if y’all didn’t show up.

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hope you enjoyed 🤎 feel free to send requests

#carl grimes x reader #carl grimes headcanons #carl grimes #carl grimes twd #carl grimes imagines #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes oneshot #the walking dead

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millieml · 2 years

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Aven Shelby : Closeted no more

Shelby!sis

Tommy catching his younger sister within a lie, and dreaded truths are revealed. Coming out of the closet (quite literally and metaphorically)

word count: 3.3k

warnings: swearing, overwhelming gayness, shouting, kissing/heated - hickey

Soft laughs echoed through the kitchen directly below my room, the walls of our house thin and hollow. I could hear Aunt Polly’s scolding words being launched towards John after a crude joke was made, I could practically see the smirk on his face despite being upstairs - out of sight. And, although it was late and I had been sent to bed hours earlier, I was wide awake.

“Aven?” A soft voice whispered beside me.

Dark brown eyes lock onto mine, and there we lay, snuggled up in secret on my very own bed. We had been in the same position for the past few hours, all thanks to myself - having done an excellent job at sneaking her into the house before being sent upstairs, going completely unnoticed by my family, not like they ever pay much attention to me anyways.

Warmth seeped through my veins as Lottie held eye contact with me, my arm tightly wrapped around her waist, Lottie’s head resting comfortably on my shoulder, her head every now and again being pushed against the side of my neck. This felt new, safe even.

“mmhpm” I acknowledged slightly, feeling sleepy with her tucked into me like this. I wish we could stay like this forever.

As we lay in bed, happiness soaking up any bad thoughts floating through my mind, I listen closely to the life downstairs. Soft laughs, loud laughs, Aunt Polly scolding John once more for, well anything that he would have done I guess. It was nice to finally relax, to enjoy a moment like this in private. God knows how long I’ve waited just to have her in my embrace.

Lottie’s head of blonde waves now rested across the comfort of my chest; her left arm wrapped tightly around my torso. This was warmth, her touch, her presence, when she’s not near me I can’t describe how I feel, but something is always missing without her.

Cherishing this moment that is bound to end, I bring my hand to her loose soft curls, gently stroking the top of her head. Her dark brown eyes are covered by thick black lashes on the edge of her closed eyelids. It seems someone else is also tired.

The soft intakes and exhales of breath highlight the little noise in my bedroom, my heart swells knowing the trust she must have in me, and how safe she must feel to be able to sleep whilst being where she is.

I love that about her, I love everything about her, but knowing she wants this, us, despite our differences in backgrounds - melts my heart in every way possible.

I’ve waited for this day to arrive for quite some time, despite our relationship occurring over the past four months, we haven’t had the opportunity to hold each other like this, its been a lot harder than one might think to sneak around in the society we live in.

No matter where you turn, there is always someone there, whether it’s a blinder who’s been sent to stalk me and keep me from having a normal life, or whether it’s a nosy creep ready to gossip the first chance they get.

Life has been stressful, I couldn’t risk the two of us being caught, and many might say that no one would be suspicious of two girls hanging around each other, but it’s not that simple.

Am I supposed to just act like I have no feelings towards her? I have to physically distract myself from wanting to take her hips in my grip and pull her into me any chance I get.

My love sign is touch, and as much as it pisses me off, I couldn’t live without it. That feeling that floods through me as I embrace her, as I stare at the girl I fell in love with, its rare and when it arrives it stays.

As I look back down at the girl in my hold, my hand automatically reaches out to brush a fallen gold strand away from her eyes. The simple action causes a stir in Lottie, and the dark brown eyes I long to see come into view.

“so beautiful” The words slip out of my mouth naturally as I get the whole image of her in front of me.

Her eyes light up at my words, a bright smile tugs at her lips as a tint of pink hits the skin of her cheeks. I can’t help but chuckle at her reaction and how flustered she has become under the influence of two singular words.

A smooth, small hand, caresses the side of my face, slowly gliding down to my jawline as Lottie pulls herself up slightly. My left arm instinctively wraps itself around her waist, pulling her immensely closer as she resumes her tracing of my face.

“I love you, Aven”, The melodic sound rings through my ears, my hands grip tighter on her waist as I roll the two of us over, pressing her back into the pulpy mattress underneath the two of us.

My attention locks onto her soft lips begging to be touched, and I do as such, leaning forward and gently taking them in mine, kissing her slowly; softly.

One arm steadies my weight beside her head as my hand tucks itself behind her curls, cradling her and moving the two of us closer. I reach the other one down, running my thumb over the bottom of her rib cage, feeling the heat seep further between our bodies.

The kiss deepens, her small hands grip onto my back, begging for more. I press further into the kiss, seeking her approval as she opens her mouth, allowing my tongue to find her own. Hips push up into mine, trying anything to find the friction she so desperately needs.

A breathless chuckle escapes my lips as I pull back ever so slightly, teasing her further.

Lottie whimpers at the loss of contact, a smirk pulling itself up to my lips as I look down at her helpless state. Her hair is hotly messy, and a large flush has spread across her face, highlighting the darkness of her brown eyes.

“please” She whimpers adorably, leaning up to kiss me once more. Although, seeking my own enjoyable pleasure with her neediness, I prolong myself from allowing the contact, and pull back slightly further once more.

A small cry withers its way from her lips as I bring myself to speak.

“What’s wrong hmm? tell me what you need love” I speak quietly, all of my senses focused on the sight below me.

“y-you, you Aven”

“Good girl” I compliment, and with that my lips descend on hers and I press my hips down inter hers, our bodies moulding lovingly as I give in and kiss her with so much passion.

She hums happily into my mouth, the vibration sending a chill up my skin, I feel myself flush.

I take her right leg and wrap it around my hips, pulling her closer. Much to my enjoyment, she does the same with her left leg and before I know what’s happening she’s twisting us round and straddling my lap, the two of us in a sitting position, our chests heaving against each other as we slow things down.

Familiar soft, plump lips attach to my neck, finding my pleasurable spot and sucking harshly on the area of skin. Her lips glitch against my neck as I press her further against me, pulling her fully flush upon me, - a low moan escaping my lips as her teeth dig in, bruising me and creating a small mark.

However, just as fate seems to have it...

A loud crash snaps the two of us out of our moment, followed by the sound of footsteps thudding up the stairs. I can tell immediately who they belong to. Panic floods through my veins as I slip Lottie off me and pull her into my closet, shutting the door and slipping back onto my bed.

As soon as I sit, my door slams open.

There my brother stands, his eyes holding fury as he points at me with anger.

“Fuck where you this morning, eh?!” He growls out accusingly, however his voice comes out in more of a whisper, the low tone grasping my full attention.

My heart stutters at his anger, a million things flashing through my mind as I try to evaluate the situation I am in.

This morning I was with Lottie, behind Uncle Charlies stables in a field. We’d hang out there most days, cuddling up for half an hour or so before people got suspicious of my whereabouts.

The problem was that Tommy had brought me to the backroom of the Garrison this morning and had left me to count some money for him. I wasn’t expecting him to notice my absence. I guess I should have known better.

“Er I—” I stutter out before he cuts me off.

“No! You weren’t at the fuckin’ Garrison, John went looking for you, but the money was left out and there was no sight of you.” His voice lowers dangerously towards the end. His voice gradually loosing the rage as the under lying tone of betrayal sounds through.

His footsteps reach towards me as he bends down, two hands on either side of the bed. His blue eyes mercifully stare into mine as I try my hardest to keep my head up and not act intimidated.

“So, is this how it’s gonna be? eh?” He speaks lowly, his voice almost un hearable, however I hear each syllable, loud and clear.

“Tommy I- “My words faded out as his eyes pierced into mine, causing my head to drop and give in almost instantly.

I hated being any kind of disappointment to Tommy, after all, he is my brother and has done a lot for our family, especially when we are without both parents.

“I don’t understand, you’re always goin’ at us all about being more involved, but whenever I give u an instruction you don’t fuckin’ listen!” Strictness seeps through his words, signifying the importance of this betrayal he feels he’s faced.

I scoff at his words, “So now you care? Oh piss this, when have you ever paid any remote attention to my life, all you give a shit about is business, you’re never around!” I lash out, the heat of the moment suddenly angering me.

Cold fingers grip my chin ever so slightly, as he tilts my head back up, forcing me to look straight at him. I whimper pathetically at the feeling, especially as my hair moves slightly, and my previously kissed skin is revealed.

The air is cold, and as soon as I feel the breeze across my neck, I know that it would be a miracle if he hadn’t seen the marks. The darkening of eyes and furrowing of brows only plummet my chances of hope as his fingers tighten on my chin.

Much to my surprise, he releases me from his grip, and instead stands at his full height. Pacing slightly back and forth he freezes, sending me a death stare as he rummages around his pockets for a cigarette.

After lighting one and placing it inside his mouth, he releases a puff before beginning his so-called interrogation.

“Give me his name” The coldness devours his words, disgust lacing through, showing his disapproval. He must think I’m a whore, that his sister throws himself at people and wants to get money other ways.

Ridiculous. Not once has he seen me with a boy, other than Isaiah, and he’s more like a cousin then anything. I don’t even like men, that’s my problem, I don’t like what I’m supposed to.

Not knowing how my family will react if they ever find out, not knowing whether I will have a life that I can live with. Its all so overwhelming and frightening, but now that I am in this situation I’m scared.

“I said give me his fuckin’ name.”

“I- it’s not- “The words catch in my throat; I can’t physically get them out and the frustration brings tears to my eyes.

Why on earth did I ever open my mouth? If i didn’t lash out before, and controlled my temper, he probably wouldn’t have noticed anything!

Refusing to let them fall, I swallow them down, blinking them away as quick as they appeared.

The sound of a creak snaps the attention away from me, and a surge of panic rises through me as I realise the noise came from my closet.

Tommy’s rage heightens further as he storms dangerously towards the closet, throwing the door open only to pause as he finds who is inside.

Lottie stands tall, pressed harshly back against the flat of the closet, putting as much distance between the two of them as possible.

I hate myself for putting her in this situation, and not only am I worrying about my family knowing this secret I have held my entire life, but I am now worried of losing the people I love – Lottie included.

Tommy scoffs, his eyes threateningly catching onto mine, “so this is who you've become Aven? a liar?”

“Both of you get changed, my office.” And with one last huff he leaves the room, slamming the door against the wall as he makes his way downstairs.

I let out a shaky breath, terrified more than I will ever admit.

“A-Aven” Lottie’s voice cracks as her eyes a widened and slightly glossy.

“Shh its okay baby, come here” I speak, my voice failing me halfway as I stand up and make my way towards her.

Despite having a tough aspect, no one can blame her shell for cracking under that situation, he could have shot her for all I know. Before opening the closet, he could have easily put a bullet through the flimsy wooden material. And if that was the case, I wouldn’t be standing here, hearing her heartbeat thud against my own as I swarm her in a tight hug.

“C’mon we need to go love” I whisper, only to have her face press closer to my neck and her hands tighten around my back.

It was clear that she was shaking extensively, but we needed to go now and if we dawdled for any longer, we would risk Tommy coming back, and that was not something we needed another round on.

“I’m scared Aven” She whispers as I pull back and take her trembling hand in mine.

“And that’s okay, we can be scared together, just know that whatever happens, I will always love you okay?” This time I let the tears fall, refusing to have them appear whilst facing my brother.

After saying our last few sentences to each other, we timidly walk downstairs, I lead the way as we reach the kitchen, feeling the emptiness of the room as we make our journey through the betting Den and towards Tommy’s new office.

As we reach our dreaded destination, I knock twice, hoping to delay any sort of time before one of the scariest moments of my life.

“Come in”

With that, I push the door open and stop in my tracks as I see who else is present.

Tommy, John, Arthur.

Fuck.

“Sit down Aven and….” He raises his eyebrows towards Lottie, who freezes at the sudden attention.

“Lottie” She states quietly, the tense atmosphere of the room stealing the spotlight.

Arthur and John look more confused than anything, whereas Tommy’s expression is once again unreadable.

Slouching down in the chair opposite his fancy desk, I look back towards Lottie, nodding at the chair next to me as I feel the eyes of all three brothers on me.

“What’s this all about then Tom?” Arthur breaks the silence between the four of us.

Tommy doesn’t reply straight away, instead he looks at me, almost as if he is offering me a chance to explain to our older brother, but there was no way I could just admit to it like that.

“Its alright brother, just needed to set something straight between us and our Aven here.” He adds, much to my confusion. I was surprised he hadn’t outed me yet; I was waiting for the humiliation and rejection from my family, and because of that, I couldn’t focus on anything.

Arthur shuts up after Tommy’s explanation and instead takes a quick glimpse towards John with a shrug.

“Okay, so its come to my attention that we need to discuss some rules. Rules that I would’ve thought were rather simple, but here we are.” Tommy coughs halfway through his sentence, tapping a few bits of ash out of his cigarette as he pauses.

“This about this morning and the garrison?” John puts two and two together, trying to wrap his head around Tommy’s odd behaviour.

“Partly, partly John yes.” He nods in reply, taking another drag of his cig as his eyebrows furrow together.

“You see, its come to my attention, other’s too, that you’ve been running around, not sticking to places you are meant to be. This isn’t a case up for discussion, eh? It’s simple, if I know where you are and that you’re safe, that’s one less thing for me to worry about – Arthur and John will say the same.

And, as much as I want you to have the freedom, and not be pented up all the time, if you ever think about going somewhere or sneaking about behind mine or any Shelby’s back then that freedom will be gone, and you’ll be stuck in your room until I decide otherwise.”

The room is silent for a few moments, before the large sound of a slam has me jumping in my seat. Tommy slams his hand down on his desk, his finger pointing directly at me.

“Eh! Got it?!”

“Y-Yes Tom” I manage to choke out, pushing back the gushes of tears threatening to unravel how I truly feel. I understood what he was saying of course I did, but that didn’t change the fact that I had to sneak around in order to be happy and hide this relationship from my family.

“Right, that’s all Arthur, John.” He points to the door, leaning back in his chair as he fishes out his lighter for another smoke.

Relief floods through me, as despite the hesitation, both Arthur and John leave, leaving just Tommy alongside the two of us.

“What’s your last name.” Tommy asks calmly, the anger dissipated from his voice as he speaks to my girlfriend beside me.

I can sense her hesitation, clearly worried about the aftermath that this could cause for her or her family. The last thing she needed was her parents finding out about her relationship with not just a Shelby, but a Shelby sister.

“Tom- “He glances towards me, silencing me instantly.

“Haywood” Lottie answers strongly, sitting up slightly in her chair as she sends a quick glimpse in my direction, a small smile ghosting her mouth as she tries to tell me that she is indeed okay.

“Lottie what are you to my sister?” The question pours from his mouth, and the shock of the boldness has the two of us freezing in our seats, worried instantly about what to say and how to move forward.

I couldn’t let her answer for me, despite the question being directed towards her, the simple answer told Tommy the truth, and if it doesn’t come from my mouth, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

“She’s my girlfriend.” I lean forward, forearms resting on my knees, covered by tightly fitted trousers. My head bows knowing the information my brother has just received.

“Hmm, that’s interesting. Well, I’d appreciate it if you weren’t in my sisters bedroom without my knowledge again, alright?” His deep voice echoes through one ear and out of the other.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, ‘again’! Does that mean there will be a second time, or a third, fourth or fifth! My skin felt flushed, and my heart was practically leaping out of my chest as I stared at my older brother in pure shock and disbelief.

Tommy pushes his chair back, stumps out his cigarette, before making the small journey towards my seat. He bends down, one knee on the floor, back straight as he cups my face in both of his hands.

“I’m angry because you couldn’t feel as if you could tell me about this, but on a more serious level, I'm livid with you on how easy it seems to have been for you to lie to me, and to the rest of us. Fuckin’ hell!, You’re my little sister. Nearly seventeen or not, you still answer to me. This is not something you can be reckless about, eh?” he motions to Lottie and I.

“Aven, nothing about who you are will ever stop me from loving you, you’re my little sister and you always will be, understood?” He speaks in the same gruff voice as always, wiping away the flow of tears streaming down my face as I break in his hold.

All that anxiety and worry about what the future could hold for me has disappeared, I feel safe within the comfort of my brother, my best friend.

#peaky blinders #shelby sister #shelby!sis #shelby!sister #shelby sister imagine #shelby sister coming out #coming out #john shelby #aunt polly #peaky blinder sister #peaky blinder imagine

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natigail · 2 years

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Dan on Instagram Live “In The Closet” doing his first live show on his own platform since he came out the damn closet can really be something so special. It’s been almost four years since the four years were he did live shows consistently every most Tuesdays. A lot has changed since then but one thing that hasn’t is how good he is at being live with his audience.

I’ve always been a huge sucker for the live shows both him and Phil used to do and I haven’t ever been quiet about that. It wasn’t the reason I got into them at all - that was their YouTube content - but it felt like a nice added bonus to sit down with them an hour a week and just “hang out”. I’ve had a special soft spot for Dan’s and his live rambles.

Tonight’s surprise Instagram Live with a four hour warning was no different, even though it has been a while and it’s not on YouNow anymore. He looks slightly different, he wasn’t in his old London room but instead sat in his walk in closet in the forever home he co-designed with Phil. He’s sat on the floor, amidst packing for his solo world tour and he actually decided to do a surprise live for us.

And it was delightful. I was worried with the comments and when he decided to go wild and actually invite someone to join him on the live despite knowing how nothing worked. Moth was a wonderful surprise appearance and it felt almost like fate after Phil just retweeted her edit the day before. It was slightly awkward but neat and cool.

So was seeing Dan talk about the wall from the merch shop, all covered in little messages for him. It wasn’t slathered with dicks, like he’d joked, but instead full of sentimental messages that he admitted had hit his emotions. We know he’s a sentimental guy and that connection to his audience is important for him.

The little Phil cameo via texts and comments in the chats and him correcting Dan how to use Instagram was also hilarious. A little glimpse into the domestic arguing over who ordered dinner too. On the rare occasions they do let us see into their private life, I am always met with this warmth and comfort that they are still the same. If I think too hard about it and their whole history, it’ll grip my brain for hours. I’m still so incredibly thankful they found each other.

And of course, while Dan was trying to do a sentimental and silly ending to his shows like he used to, someone made nsfw comment about his thick green juice, which naturally made him gulp down like half the bottle and lick his lips with staring at us. This idiot. And then the delightful laughter. Free and happy.

The we’re all doomed tour is around the corner and he’d prepared YouTube videos, so it must be a busy and stressful time, and yet there he was. Sat on the floor of his closet, talking to his audience once again. Things will never be like they were before, but good new things will come. I’m so excited for his tour.

#04.09.22 #dan howell #dan liveshow #my tumblr dabbles #we're all doomed #phandom

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honoviadakai · 2 years

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Feliks Łukasiewicz: The hidden nonbinary/gender fluid icon

So Poland from Hetalia...is a character...

In all seriousness, Felik’s wasn’t my fav character back when 13 year old me saw them for the first time but I also didn’t hate the guy. They just confused the hell outta me because even with the limited worldly knowledge my preteen brain had, I was trying to understand what part of this character was inherently Polish.

Honestly even adult me is struggling to understand how Felik’s is the personification of Poland. It really feels like Himaruya made a character that just vaguely looks polish and has a polish accent and called it a day. And for a while I thought maybe he wrote Feliks that way because the country he represents is super progressive! Upon farther research…I was very wrong.

Here’s a very quick, simplified list of what you can expect in terms of “rights” for the lgbtq+ in Poland

Gay marriage isn’t legal

Discrimination is legal in some contexts

If you wanna adopt, you can only do so if you’re single(if you’re not hetero, if you are and in a couple, you’ll have less issues)

Conversion therapy is not banned

Military rights are ambiguous at best

Non-binary gender is not recognized(this one might have to do more with the language and their naming system than discrimination….but…)

You actually can legally change your gender and surgery is not required. They only recognize male and female though, nothing else. Getting surgery might require either a crap ton of money and/or going to a different country

…yeah…so Feliks makes even less sense and that’s not even taking into account how religious the country they represent is known to be.

However, upon further research, Poland does have quite the history on LGBT activism so that got me thinking that Feliks is not as superficial as I initially thought.

Firstly, I believe Feliks is gender fluid and demisexual and they’re just so casual about it around people they’ve probably forgotten to come out to some of their friends when they realized their gender orientation. Like I can absolutely see this conversation happening.

Tolys:….Feliks…we need to have a talk…now…

Feliks: yeah? Why? What’s wrong? You look, like, really stressed out.

Tolys: Look…I’ve been able to handle the other baltics, Ivan and Gilbert, sometimes all at the same time…but I’m gonna have an aneurism if you don’t explain to me why you’re dressed up like one of those teenage E-girls Alfred has talked to me about, right now…are you that broke or something???

Feliks:…

Tolys:…

Feliks:…I haven’t come out of the closet to you have I?

Tolys:….I’ll be back

Feliks: where are you going???

Tolys: knowing you…I’m gonna need some snacks, some tea…and a lot of free time…so I’m off to cancel some plans and order some food…

Tolys would genuinely be more annoyed at Feliks about the decades long lack of context and taking so damn long to remember to come out to him more than anything else tbh xD

Jokes aside, I genuinely think they started realizing his gender identity around the time Hungary was starting to discover herself. Watching her go through her issues probably made them start to question themselves a bit. I can see them being pretty religious before this and having a struck “there are only 2 genders mentality” for a long time but slowly starting to have a shift in ideals as time went on and their knowledge of the world started to grow. They might even have an internal crisis about their religious faith and how they feel but I can see them getting over it quickly since God is weirdly a cannon character in the series and seems very nonchalant. Feliks definitely had a conversation with God about this and straight up be told “do what makes you happy, I’m not gonna punish you for doing what you love.”

Eventually they’d fully discover themselves and just accept who they are because, if nothing else, Feliks is a simple person with simple needs. They just wanna be happy and if putting on a frilly skirt one day and slacks the next makes them happy then by golly they’re gonna do so. Outside their home country.

I don’t think Feliks expresses themselves often, if ever, in they homeland for safety reasons. If they go to Alfred’s place though? They’re going all out and no one can stop them. Periot 💅

That being said…because they’re very outspoken around people they trust…they kinda just…expect their friends and in some situations, complete strangers, to just pick up on their sexuality and gender identity. Feliks just kinda forgets people like Tolys exist. People like him who NEED to be told straight up “hey, this is my situation” because otherwise they’re just never gonna come to any conclusion on their own. Tolys can’t even pick up when someone is trying to tell him a joke, let alone when someone is trying to come out to him, discreetly.

Feliks is a disaster in this regard because of this. Because they’re assuming people picked up on their brand of fruitiness, to them they’ve already come out to people. In reality they haven’t and it takes them a hot minute to realize this because SURELY they would’ve come out to Feliciano by now…right???

Nope. They forgot. Italy didn’t get the news till late 2017, he still won’t let it go btw.

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house-of-slayterr · 2 years

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Zsasz Family Headcannons:

An: I’ve had a very long, but good day, so I don’t want to write full fics rn. But I can’t just not post today that’s lame lol. More Hannibal family to come soon, and I might start a new Lost Boys series, I haven’t decided yet.

Tag: @keffirinne @flaysthings @howl-fantasies

Victor:

Big old fucking softie!!! SOFTIE ALERT!!!

Like he’s not as hard as he thinks he is

Boy listens to disco, ain’t nobody truly evil ever listen to disco! That would just be anti black of them. And if there is one thing Victor Zsasz isn’t, it’s a racist.

You’re telling me, despite not being a hero, this goober wouldn’t cut off a racists hands to prove a point? 👀 I mean think about it!!! Like he’s not gonna go around saving people, but he’s also not just going to let it slide if he sees it

Now, after that complement, he deserves a diss as well. Mother fuckers favourite ice-cream flavour is chocolate! Which is never the right answer!

Victor is an excellent dancer. Carmine totally made him take ballroom lessons as a young boy. And when he’s not at work, he’s taking Y/N out dancing! But we all know what activity that ends in 👀

Victor may think he’s invincible but he’s really not. He doesn’t know when enough and enough, but he will listen to those closet to him. If Maggie or V or Y/N begged him to take a day off and rest, he’d reluctantly do it. Victor doesn’t like feeling useless, so he wouldn’t like not working.

This applies mentally as well. He’s insane sure, but even is insane folk need a mental health day or moment sometimes. I think Vic may be physically unable to cry, but that doesn’t mean the feelings that cause tears don’t get to him. He fronts it all with rage and jokes, but I think no matter how duly, he does feel other emotions. I mean fucker loves Y/N with everything he has, he’s got a heart, he just needs to be taught how to use it.

I do think he would loose it if someone in his “family” died, I mean even with Falcone Victor went a little more off the rails then usual. But as we discussed in a previous headcannon, Victor SNAPS if his Y/N, his amazing wife, the love of his life, his soulmate, dies. And I don’t actually know if anyone, even the others could bring him back from that. Before Y/N, the thought that he’d one day fine someone to actually love him how he is, was what kept him going. Once he found that, he’s not letting it go for anything.

Back to a little more lighthearted. Victor does own colours… they’re just in his second closet. He has a work closet, and a regular closet. I still think he likes to keep it dark, but I can see him adding white, and royal, dark colours like reds, greens or purples. Just a little pop to make him feel special. And match whatever his beautiful wife is wearing, which he thinks she looks best in red (I wonder why🤨)

I think he enjoys being pampered. Both he and Basil are confident in their masculinity and don’t really let feminine things stop them. I mean neither man is one to let other people tell him what to do in the first place. They don’t care what anyone thinks about them. But I can see him taking Y/N or his girls to get mani pedis. He’d not get any colours, but he’d get his nails cleaned up and do a clear coat, or maybe a very subtle glitter. I mean man loves disco, a disco ball on his nails is the way to go!

Y/N:

She also tries to hide her feelings like Victor. But believe it or not, she’s not as convincing as she thinks she is. Even Jim has been able to pick up on some of her minor tells.

Y/N is a control freak. She doesn’t like deviating from the plan, and takes things like being on time very seriously. The only time she ever breaks script is if she’s horny, or caught up in another emotion. I think she actually feels her emotions too intensely. Her impulse control is strong, but as a learned trait. But if she’s truly caught off guard by an emotion, she’ll give into whatever urge that spurs up in here. Sad, run away. Happy, be vocal about it. Angry, kill. Horny, fuck her husband until he forgets any name other than hers.

This is why I think she was so quick to adopt that motherly role. She never wanted to be a mom, it wasn’t something she planned. But I’m the cases of Basil and Maggie, she was overrun by an emotion. Maggie was curiosity, and Basil was greed. Even with little V it was pity when taking on the role of step mother.

Y/N, unlike her husband, is not afraid to take time off. In fact sometimes she does it just to see if Oswald will get upset. She still likes to know her schedule, but when she’s in charge of the change in plans, she’s less worried about it. Wether it’s time off just because she wants to, needs a mental health day, is too injured to work and needs time to heal, or one of her “kitty’s” needs mamas help. She will gladly take that time. (Selena and Brucie are included in her kitten litter, but obviously Maggie and Basil come first)

She cares a lot about appearance, and in tern her families appearance. She totally plans family spa days to make sure everyone is looking their best at all times. But hey, she doesn’t hear anyone complaining. She totally feels like a school field trip aid, trying to wrangle all her ducklings. He husband included, he usually needs the most wrangling.

Y/N may or may not have a teeny eeney addiction problem. She’s turned to drugs and alcohol I’m the past. Because miss girl does not know how to talk about her feelings, at least not before Maggie comes along. And she’s not that great of an influence about it at first either. She pressured Maggie into joining her for drinks and drugs before. But she probably took a long hard look in the mirror after that and realised that she shouldn’t drag people into her problem. I feel like despite still struggling with it, and not really in the headset to give it up yet, she’d probably flip if any of them started to turn out like her. Like a few drinks here and there are fun, but there probably an unspoken “no hard drugs allowed by anyone in this house or your loosing your hand privileges” rule. If she need a loophole around this (if she gave into the cravings to curve her pain) she proably say something dumb like “well I didn’t bring it into the house” she knows it doesn’t comfort anyone but it makes her feel better.

She’s never gonna be a hero, her and Victor like their lives as villains. Having the title of Gotham’s most feared couple. But especially if she grows closer to Bruce, she does genuinely want a better Gotham for her children. She doesn’t want anyone to have to go through all that she’s gone through. She pretends nothing can traumatise her anymore, but those first scars in her mind burn the brightest. She grows more cautious and carful with age, not haphazardly throwing herself into danger anymore. She has proper plans in place if anything were to happen to her or Victor, she just doesn’t tell anyone about it. Can’t have them thinking she’s going soft or anything. And she does try to be a good example for her children in her own way. Sure, teaching your child the proper way to stab and disarm someone isn’t a traditional thing for a parent to pass down, but it’s practical. She’s teaching them how to survive, and hopefully thrive here in Gotham. It would kill her to see one of her little birdies shot down before her. Again, she doesn’t vocalise it though. Jim might not agree with everything she does, but she’s not a monster. She always does the “right thing”, but her version of right might just be a little different. But whatever she does, she does it with certainty and conviction. Her hearts in the right place, she just had things twisted for her from a young age.

Now while she might not vocalise her love for her family very often. She is a PROUD mama bear. Let me tell you. If any goon in Gotham is dumb enough to go after one of her kids… she will make it very known how much of a mistake that is. EVERYONE in Gotham knows very well that you don’t mess with Mama’s kids. But some of them are dumb enough to do it anyways. I could imagine when Jeremiah first joins the side of the villains, and goes after Bruce or V, she’ll give him a warning first. “You see that,” points to them “that right there is one of mine. And next time you put your grubby little hands on one of them, I will cut them off and shove them up your ass!” She doesn’t need to tell them she loves them, it more than shows in her actions.

She enjoys her dumb little domestic moments, just as much as she enjoys killing. Surprisingly, even though she doesn’t think so, she’s in her element in both.

Maggie:

I don’t think Maggie knows how to put herself first lol. Even in the beginning with Oswald, she compromised what she wanted for what she could have instead. Having Oswald as a friend was more important than her original plan. She’s willing to change her life at the drop of a hat, if it means making someone else happy. And when she does put herself first, she feels selfish and panics.

When Maggie loves, she loves intensely and she falls hard. And that’s in any kind of relationship, friends, family, lovers, even one night stands are full of passion with her. I don’t think she knows how to do anything casually. She wears her heart on her sleeve and sometimes it gets her hurt. But I think she falls in love more so with the idea of a person, instead of the person themselves. She ignores so many red flags because of this, because she craves the attention and the warmth love gives her.

I haven’t mentioned it in a while, but Maggie does have her Bachelors in Botany. She is a professional at her job. Her little flower shop adventures aren’t just a means to an end job. She truly enjoys it and feels at home when surrounded by plants. I think she really likes nature in general. She really loves animals but I don’t think she would ever take a pet for herself. She thinks it’s best to admire from afar.

Maggie fully encourages V’s education. She’s the one that drops the girl off at school everyday, and picks her up from Bruce’s house at the end of her shift. Maggie is the one Victor would give custody’s too if anything happened to him, cause he knows V will be in good hands. I can see her staying up late and helping V with homework.

I think Maggie seeks great comfort in her family. She probably ‘borrows’ an item from of them because it smells like them. Like stealing Basil’s hoodies, Y/N’s dresses, V’s beanie or Victor’s knife holster. Sometimes she wishes she had something of Jim’s, but she’s not creepy like Vic and wouldn’t take something without him knowing.

My girl is gay and she has it fucking bad. Of course, she doesn’t really know that’s what it is at first. She never expected her first ever crush to be on Selena Kyle. And Maggie is the one she’d go to to talk about it. Y/N and her dad aren’t going to be sensitive about it, and she’s a sensitive girl. Maggie helped her understand what she was feeling, and couched her on what to do next.

V is also really fucking smart. Like she’s constantly reading something new. Despite never having gone to a proper school, she was able to teach herself most things. Growing up on the streets of Gotham, you had to be smart. Anything less as an immediate death sentence. She probably used to break into the library and borrow their computers to learn more.

She doesn’t talk much unless provoked. She grew used to be all on her own, so it’s strange for her to grow used to this new full family. She never even expected her dad to except her, and now she had more family then she knew what to do with. But that’s not a bad thing, she can just be a little sheltered is all. Beside, what teen wants to talk about their feelings?

V sees violence for what it is. Violence born out of necessity and survival doesn’t bother her. But she’s not as crazy as her father. She tries to minimise the damage she does unless she’s deemed someone as “unsavable” in which case she won’t hesitate. Sure, maybe it’s playing god, but she’s got time to mellow out.

She’s also not immune to emotions, like at all. Poor girl is a raging hormonal mess. She lashes out, and screams until her lungs are dry. Normal teenage shit. Except normal I’m Gotham is normal everywhere else. She doesn’t feel guilt for killing out of survival, but she may express regret for killing out of anger. She doesn’t like being angry, or the things it makes her do.

She dreams of one day getting out of Gotham. Experiencing somewhere new, somewhere brighter. It’s what drives her everyday, knowing she’s working toward a better future for herself. She’ll weasel her way into Bruce’s private school so she can receive the best possible education. And by “weasels” I mean Y/N and Victor having a little “chat” with the principal. Victor thought her want to go to school was stupid, but Y/N supported it fully.

Basil:

Aromantic/Asexual, why, because I said so and we need more representation. I mean yes, there was love and reproduction on his planet, but even back then, he didn’t really understand it. Out of all of them, Basil is the one that genuinely does not feel him emotions. His are probably the most stunted. There’s not really a facade for him to drop, he doesn’t pretend to be anyone unless the mission directly calls for it.

I mean why would a perfectly stable (at least from an outside view) fine young gentlemen, give up his perfectly fine life in National City with his family, to go love with a Villain from Gotham? Of course, no one from National City knows that Y/N is like one of the top villains. But what they don’t know won’t hurt them. He grew sick of pretending back home with his sister, and while of course he would come running if his sisters life was in risk, he has no intentions of ever calling that place his home. Kara fit in, he didn’t. She loved it there, he didn’t. The choice was simplex

Perhaps that’s why he took to Maggie so fast. Replace one older sister with another. And Maggie was much more “down to earth” both literally and figuratively. Kara was naive and lived with her head in the clouds, Maggie has a little more reality ground into her. But some parts of her remind him of his sister, like her almost always cheerful persona, her willingness to help, and the way she’s the only one who can make him feel like a person. Maggie makes him feel human, which at first scared him, but the longer he spent around her, the slightly less disdain he had for their kind. Maggie makes him see the good in humanity; but it a way that was less Disney Princess than Kara. Maggie’s optimism was palatable and contagious.

His relationship with Y/N isn’t the healthiest one. It borders on almost Stock Holm syndrome at first. He blindly fallows orders and would do anything without question. He respects her greatly; as she was the first person to make him feel something other than boredom for the first time in his life. She made life exciting and he craved that little bit of adrenaline he was capable of experiencing. Y/N is sort of like an addiction. But it mellows out as he grows more in touch with his emotions, and their relationship becomes a little less formal.

I’ve stated it before, but Basil doesn’t really get along that well with Vic. He’s indifferent to most people, but he actually dislikes Victor and Jim. Why you might ask? Because they’re going after his girls. Yes HIS girls, that is how he sees them. It’s not jealousy though, there’s nothing to be jealous of. He simply doesn’t think they’re good enough. Victor is unpredictable, brash and reactive, often times getting Y/N hurt either emotionally or physically. Basil also thinks Victor to be stupid (which he is not, Victor just doesn’t really share his knowledge with anyone. He liked being seen as the goofy assassin) Basil once tried to kill Victor when Y/N got seriously hurt (of course Victor wasn’t taking it lightly either, he was probably pissed at himself already) and only Y/N herself was able to stop him. Since then he can be Civil for her sake, but he wouldn’t hesitate to kill Victor the second something he did for her killed.

Basil is also capable of being Civil with Jim. I mean he was able to convince Oliver Queen that he was a friend, how hard would it be to feign an acquaintanceship with the cop? But unlike with Victor where he’s more likely to give the man the silent treatment, he is vocal when Jim does something he doesn’t approve of. Y/N is grown, she can protect herself, but despite Maggie being almost three years older than him, he most definitely views her like a child. And he’s seen first hand how fragile she is. He doesn’t appreciate the Detective playing with Maggie’s emotions. Y/N probably had to remind him sometimes that Maggie is infact a big girl and can handle herself. But even she babies the girl sometimes, so who is she to judge. Maggie’s fiercely overprotective of the two of them.

Now when V comes along… oh dear god. My boy is a MESS. That’s a child! That’s a literal CHILD!!!! His own little sister 🥺. If Maggie thought he was overbearing with her, Lord did she underestimate him. He is fucking putty in V’s hands. Anything the girl wants, she gets. He can’t say no to her. I mean do you blame him? She bats her eyes and his brain just shuts off. He doesn’t like touch much, but Maggie and V are the only two he seeks that sort of comfort with. Yeah, Y/N is allowed to touch him, but that’s not really the nature of their relationship. Maggie almost always initiates touch with him. But with V, he just picks her up all the time. He keeps her close whenever he can cause he likes having her around.

Basil cares as little about Oliver’s team as he does about his sisters team in the DEO. He’ll come if they really need him, but his top priority is protecting immediate family. Sure would Maggie be devastated if he let Oliver or Thea die? Of course, but that didn’t matter, because she would be safe, and he could be there to console her. He tries not to have to visit National city or Star City much because faking all the time got tiring.

I don’t think this man has ever actually smiled in his entire life. Yeah he can be a cocky shit, and besides a frown, a smirk is the only other thing that’s graces his face. But he doesn’t smile. Now that doesn’t mean he’s not happy; he just doesn’t know hot to convey that. But his happiness is reserved for family, and they’re able to read him just fine.

Uncle Harvey:

Totally doesn’t accidentally blame himself for Y/N addiction problem. He was supposed to be the one “good” constant in her life. He arrested the girl enough times, that she began to jokingly refer to him as “Uncle Harvey” and that’s sort of how their relationship went. He was willing to turn the other way on somethings as long as she never took things too far. The couple of times she’d shown up at his apartment and needed a place to stay, sure he was always nice to her, but there were always empty bottles around. I’m pretty sure it’s cannon in show he has an alcohol problem. Harvey wasn’t a saint, but he at least tried to help Gotham.

I high key get Dad vibes from him. I think Harvey originally wanted children, but something went wrong for him. The way he looked at Scottie in that one episode, I could just tell he wanted to start a family with her. And he grew Bitter and pessimistic after things fell apart and he fell more into his bad habits. Probably convincing himself he didn’t deserve that family he had in his head anymore. So when Maggie came around and actually wanted to spend time with him, he was annoyed at first. But it grew on him. And he saw the same thing in Jim when he looked at Bruce and Selena. He’s got his own little unconventional family now. Jim, his partner in crime, Y/N, Maggie and Bruce. He doesn’t really interact with V or Basil much, and he avoid Victor at all costs! Selena isn’t much of a fan of his either. But he already has his hands full.

Harvey shows up when things are important. Maggie’s goes back to school and is graduating? He’ll be there. Y/N is having a mental breakdown and has no one else to turn to, he’s all ears. Bruce throws one of his Gala’s Harvey is always on time. He’s supportive when they’re doing well, and a little more lenient than Jim when they fuck up. A few slaps on the wrist never hurt anybody right? Harvey wasn’t perfect, why should he expect them to be? He’s been in Gotham longer than the Young Detective and doesn’t have his same blind optimism. He understands there can never be no crime in Gotham City, that’s simply not how things work.

An: yea I included Harvey, I love him and I don’t include him enough in stuff. So deal with it 😈

#Gotham #Gotham family #Gotham oc #gotham villains #y/n zsasz #victor zsasz #V Zsasz #basil zor el #kryptonian #supergirl oc #magnolia blossom #Maggie #magnolia #harvey bullock

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toomanystoryideas · 6 months

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Alright I’ll be ✨nosy✨ if you’re still willing to talk about it— what’s going on with your roommate?

yeah i’ll talk about it!! i haven’t moved out yet so i guess i’ll update if anyone is curious how that goes. here’s the story because it’s kind of long:

anyway i’m a trans man right, but i’m closeted because it probably wouldn’t be safe to come out to my very republican family, so i basically live my life as a woman. and because it’s not safe for my parents to know this, i keep a list in my notes app of everyone i’ve come out to that i know irl. i made it when i was like sixteen and jokingly called it my “hit list” and never really thought much about it after that except updating it whenever i trusted someone enough to open up to them about my identity

i now attend a university in chicago and i have two roommates and two other suitemates who are all women. i’m not out to them because it just didn’t really come up and i didn’t want to make them uncomfortable rooming with a man yknow? i’m used to being closeted it was okay

anyway about two weeks ago now, on the sunday before halloween, i’m in the common lounge area of the floor we live on talking to a few people i’m out to and i told them about my “hit list”. i was being vague because one of my roommates was there but not really listening and i didn’t want to out myself, but regardless i was saying this in a very jokey and lighthearted way, like, a way that should have made it extremely obvious that i am not going to actually kill anyone. because duh? should be obvious it’s just a joke

fast forward to halloween (tuesday); it’s like 11:30pm and i’m alone in our room almost done with my homework. i get a knock at my door and go to open it to find it’s an RA i’ve never met before, who says we have to have a conversation in the RA office downstairs. he tells me someone who heard me saying this (i have a sneaking suspicion it’s one of my “friends”) reported me and i have to explain myself to a worker on the protocol phone line. so i have to vaguely and very uncomfortably out myself, and i’m really emotional and pissed off, but whatever, i’m told the situation is cleared. (my roommates don’t sleep in our room that night and they told me they just didn’t wanna wake me so they had a sleepover with some of our friends.)

anyway the next morning i’m on the train to come back from a class i have in another part of the city and i get an extremely rude email from a dean of students telling me we have to have a meeting at a specific time; he didn’t even ask for my availability. i think the situation is cleared already but i go anyway, really mad about it. so we meet and he’s SO condescending, talking about how what i did is like yelling “fire” in a crowded theater (not true at all?) but eventually i get through to him and he resolves the situation.

but my roommates don’t sleep in the room that night either, which is when it starts to get weird, so i try to ask but they’re kind of icing me out of our entire friend group. eventually one of them tells me they’ve been told to stay in temp housing and they can’t sleep in our room. they tell me they’re not even supposed to talk to me or know the situation.

so i send an angry email to the dean and he calls me on the phone the next day—patronizing as ever—and i tell my roommates they can come back as soon as they’re back from their weekend trip back to their hometown (because, oh yeah, they’re childhood friends from a small town, and i’m their randomly selected third person)

so they do and everything is normal for a little while, but weirdly they don’t ask about it and don’t want to hear about what happened when i offer to tell them. whatever i just don’t talk about it then and we pretend nothing happened.

until about a week ago when our building’s RD emails all five of us saying we have to have a meeting to “process feelings and impacts” or some shit. none of us can agree on a time until we finally meet two nights ago. and that’s when everything goes to shit, because as soon as i re-explain the situation everyone starts freaking the fuck out

basically they are shaking and/or crying saying shit like “you can never say that in a joking way” “that’s never something to joke about” “i’m just worried l like what if it’s real” “so there is a list” “i’ve had panic attacks” “we all lay awake at night wondering if something will happen” “[other roommate] and i lost a pair of scissors and we were freaking out”

the conclusion of this meeting is that they all want me to leave. over a joke i made one time. and the fucked up part is because the dean cleared me, i don’t have to do anything and nobody from admin can make me leave. but my roommates avoid me at all costs and haven’t even been sleeping in the room or coming in more than like for one second once a day to grab something since that meeting happened. so now i don’t want to stay here anyway, since our whole friend group also lives on this floor of this building and i can’t stand to see them all hanging out without me all the time it’s horrible. but i also live in the best freshman residence hall and we’re all in a living learning community so i don’t want to leave this building

the three options i have right now:

move right now into an open spot on a sophomore-only floor of this building (i want this the most but it is NOT likely admin will let this happen)

move into temp housing in a worse building and then move back into a spot on a freshman floor that will only open up after the semester is over (i want to stay in this building so i’d hate the temp housing plus it’s like moving twice within one school year which sounds like torture)

stay here for the rest of this semester and then move into that spot that will open up after the semester is over (i just want to get out of here atp since half the people that live here are either avoiding me or being avoided by me)

sorry for how long this post is lmfao. i’m having a meeting on monday or tuesday probably to discuss the options and see which one i will go with

#asks #anonymous #long post #like. pretty long. lol

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kvetchlandia · 2 years

Photo

Harold Chapman Peter Orlovsky and Allen Ginsberg, Saint-Germain-des-Prés, Paris c.1956

A rainbow comes pouring into my window, I am electrified. Songs burst from my breast, all my crying stops, mistory fills the air. I look for my shues under my bed. A fat colored woman becomes my mother. I have no false teeth yet. Suddenly ten children sit on my lap. I grow a beard in one day. I drink a hole bottle of wine with my eyes shut. I draw on paper and I feel I am two again. I want everybody to talk to me. I empty the garbage on the tabol. I invite thousands of bottles into my room, June bugs I call them. I use the typewritter as my pillow. A spoon becomes a fork before my eyes. Bums give all their money to me. All I need is a mirror for the rest of my life. My frist five years I lived in chicken coups with not enough bacon. My mother showed her witch face in the night and told stories of blue beards. My dreams lifted me right out of my bed. I dreamt I jumped into the nozzle of a gun to fight it out with a bullet. I met Kafka and he jumped over a building to get away from me. My body turned into sugar, poured into tea I found the meaning of life All I needed was ink to be a black boy. I walk on the street looking for eyes that will caress my face. I sang in the elevators believing I was going to heaven. I got off at the 86th floor, walked down the corridor looking for fresh butts. My comes turns into a silver dollar on the bed. I look out the window and see nobody, I go down to the street, look up at my window and see nobody. So I talk to the fire hydrant, asking "Do you have bigger tears then I do?" Nobody around, I piss anywhere. My Gabriel horns, my Gabriel horns: unfold the cheerfulies, my gay jubilation.

-- Peter Orlovsky, “First Poem,” Paris 1957

America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing. America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17, 1956. I can’t stand my own mind. America when will we end the human war? Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb. I don’t feel good don’t bother me. I won’t write my poem till I’m in my right mind. America when will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes? When will you look at yourself through the grave? When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites? America why are your libraries full of tears? America when will you send your eggs to India? I’m sick of your insane demands. When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks? America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world. Your machinery is too much for me. You made me want to be a saint. There must be some other way to settle this argument. Burroughs is in Tangiers I don’t think he’ll come back it’s sinister. Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke? I’m trying to come to the point. I refuse to give up my obsession. America stop pushing I know what I’m doing. America the plum blossoms are falling. I haven’t read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder. America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies. America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I’m not sorry. I smoke marijuana every chance I get. I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet. When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid. My mind is made up there’s going to be trouble. You should have seen me reading Marx. My psychoanalyst thinks I’m perfectly right. I won’t say the Lord’s Prayer. I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations. America I still haven’t told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia. I’m addressing you. Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine? I’m obsessed by Time Magazine. I read it every week. Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore. I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library. It’s always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody’s serious but me. It occurs to me that I am America. I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me. I haven’t got a chinaman’s chance. I’d better consider my national resources. My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable private literature that jetplanes 1400 miles an hour and twentyfive-thousand mental institutions. I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underprivileged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns. I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go. My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I’m a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his automobiles more so they’re all different sexes. America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe America free Tom Mooney America save the Spanish Loyalists America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die America I am the Scottsboro boys. America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother Bloor the Silk-strikers’ Ewig-Weibliche made me cry I once saw the Yiddish orator Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy. America you don’t really want to go to war. America its them bad Russians. Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia’s power mad. She wants to take our cars from out our garages. Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader’s Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations. That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers. Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help. America this is quite serious. America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set. America is this correct? I’d better get right down to the job. It’s true I don’t want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories, I’m nearsighted and psychopathic anyway. America I’m putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Allen Ginsberg, “America” Berkeley, 1956

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drowsyr · 8 months

Note

hihihi friend anon here! i live for your stobin headcanons don't apologise for it being long!!

my friend and i make friendship bracelets for each other every year for our birthdays, but because we were born like two days apart we just end up making them together and swapping. i remember one year i made us matching ones in the colours of the upside down (blue, red, orange, black)!

also yes stobin closet jokes. dustin says something about a coat hanging in his closet for winter and robin laughs so hard, like giggling, that she has to down an entire glass of water.

oh aro stobin is my favourite thing <3 idk if you've read the "aro stobin cinematic universe" series (2 works so far, they're phenomenal) but it was sosososo good!!

steve's parents definitely own a bed that is very big so sometimes stobin have their sleepovers there and jump on the bed like little kids. not like mr and mrs harrington will find out anyways!

also dustin finding it so cute that stobin dyed their hair to match..... he takes a million photos on his mom's camera :O

steve and robin take hair curlers and shit and have a proper spa day one day and they look fabulous after <3

also i love your friendship bracelet headcanons they are so sweet 😭😭

stobin house sitting for the hendersons and breaking into claudia’s hair curlers and making facials… steve is a career cat sitter for claudia i know this is true

erica does make fun of them for being dorks and matching their hair but also she totally idolizes robin so she’s like mocking them to their faces but laying out a full legal defense to her mom about why she should be allowed to dye her hair and getting brutally but lovingly shut down

also yes i know that the harringtons have like a california king and robin makes so many innuendos about why but steve will literally plug his ears + go lalalala. i feel like they use steve’s parents room when they wanna pamper themselves like for a spa day but otherwise sleep in steve’s or even at robins place just bc they’re cozier <3 i know robins twin bed is a safe space for them.

i haven’t read rebel robin but i’m actually obsessed with her hippie parents and i love when people hc the buckleys as suspecting that robin is gay and trying to be supportive of her relationship with steve but also very confused by it (shoutout to findafight’s recent post obvi).

to me the buckleys are a jello family and i think steve tries so hard to be casual about it but he hates it like jello is an evil texture. i’m torn bc i can so clearly imagine robins parents loving jello but i feel like she would think it’s a bad texture as well… but also the idea of steve over for dinner at the buckley house and mrs buckley sets down like one of those awful intricate 70s jellos in the center of the table and everyone digs in and steve is sitting there like yeah🤢😃thank you mrs buckley😃🤢this is great🤮😃

#all this while wearing friendship bracelets #stobin #robin buckley #steve harrington #ask #also i fs have to check out the aro stobin stuff… seen a few posts floating around but is the cinematic universe a full fic!#<- pretend that’s a ? i don’t wanna retype #i don’t actually have an ao3 acct tho so if it’s restricted i’m shit outta luck lol #erica looking up to robin is so sweet to me…

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jerseygirllll · 2 years

Text

bittersweet cherries I e.m CHAPTER 1

previous chapter

couple: eddie munson x aurora henderson (oc)

word count: 1.2 k

summary: aurora remembers things about the past, making her nostalgic and a little sad. Dustin coaxed her into driving him and Mike to hellfire. She finally sees one of her old friends since she hasn't left the house yet. Avoids running into eddie

a/n: this ended up being longer than I expected. But its not too bad. I hope you all enjoy it! :)

________

Being back in Hawkins was surreal to you, considering how abruptly you left a year ago. Only two bags and a small backpack traveled with you to New York to live with an aunt of yours.

But now, you’re back in your old bedroom, which held all the memories you tried so hard to remember while you’d been away.

All the converse you collected over time was still in a large pile in the corner, looking like it was about to topple over. The top shelves of your bookcase are lined with cherry coke cans, and the middle shelves overflow with books. A single touch to one of them and the whole thing would fall. Posters and notes cluttered the wall, showing an array of movies, bands, and jokes Eddie left for you in your locker. Some of them had little doodles on them you had drawn on them. Plushies stuffed into the bottom of the closet and your old clothes your mother never let you get rid of.

You sat on the beaten-up wicker chair in the corner next to your shoes facing the window. You often sat here reading or doing schoolwork while in high school. The molding paint was chipped, showing the true wood color that matched the trim against the floorboards.

Eventually, at night, Eddie would crawl through the window and give you a rundown of his day. Everything he did within the five hours after you saw each other in school. He always came prepared with a bag of cherries you’d share with him or a cherry coke for you.

He was a constant presence in your house, whether he had snuck in or entered with the guidance of Dustin after a miscommunication between him and your mother. He was scared to be near her without a buffer after that incident. Eddie never liked to talk about it. It was very embarrassing for him. He always told you off when you teased him about it.

You didn’t realize how loud the sigh you let out was or that Dustin was standing in your doorframe. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Since the first tear fell down your face.” He explained. You hadn’t realized you started crying, quickly whipping away the wetness on your cheek. “Why are you crying?”

“No reason. I just am, I guess.”

“People cry for a reason, Rory.” He moved to sit across from you on the bed.

“People cry just to feel something sometimes, Dustin. Maybe that’s what I’m doing. I’m not sure.”

“Rory.” His voice was sincere and quiet. Using the nickname that almost everyone called you by made you want to cry more. You hadn’t been called that in a while.

“Coming back was a good thing, I know that. It’s just- there are a lot of emotions with returning. It’s slowly catching up with me. That's all.” Finally, giving in to him.

“Have you talked with anyone since you got back? You haven’t really left the house.”

“I’m afraid to, Dustin. I left without warning. I-I’m not sure if I’m ready to see certain people.” You sniffled and wiped a rouge tear that had escaped. Dustin knew exactly who you were talking about. Hell, Eddie is one of his best friends and sees him most days. You’re still unsure what you want to do, so you decided not to see anyone yet.

“I think if you saw someone else other than Mom or me, you would feel better. Even if it was just Mike or Nancy.” He offered with his gummy smile. “Come on, I need someone to drive me to Hellfire anyways. We gotta pick up Mike on the way.” Dustin swiftly left the room after throwing the keys he had in his hand at you.

“You little shit.” You let out another sigh, grabbed a hoodie from your floor, and made your way to the car in which Dustin was already sitting.

“Your plan was just to get me to drive you, not to be a nice, concerned brother?” You gave him a dirty look.

“I gotta say, you know me better than I do.” He started laughing, but it stopped once you flicked him on the forehead. “Ow! Rory, that hurt.”

“Oh, it did not.” The both of you bickered all the way to the Wheeler's house.

_______

The familiar shape of the Wheeler’s filled your vision as you turned around in the cul-de-sac. All the memories rushed to you of spending Halloween with Nancy as the boys trick-or-treated or sleepovers that included doing each other nails and watching whatever Tome Cruise movie had just released.

“I’m not going inside. Go get Mike.” Putting the car in park and sitting back.

“Uh, no way. You’re coming with me. Come on.” He opened the car door and walked around to open yours. “Let’s go, milady!” Showing off is smiling one more time before you exit the car.

“Fine,” you let out with a huff. “Let’s go.”

Dustin knocked on the door just for his favorite person to open the door, Mr. Wheeler. “Oh, hello. Here to take more of our food, I presume?” He mocked.

“No, sir. Here with my sister,” motioned towards you, “to pick up Mike for Hellfire.”

“MIKE! Your friend is here for your club of high school dropouts.” He left the door open for you and Dustin to walk in.

“Aurora, is that you?” Mrs. Wheeler walked into the foyer, wiping her hands with a dish towel. “You’re back, sweetie?”

“Oh, yes. I got back this week. It’s nice to see you.” The two of you exchanged a small hug when you noticed Nancy and Mike standing on the staircase's landing.

“Holy shit.” They both said in unison.

“Hey, what did I tell you about that language?” Mrs. Wheeler walked off back into the kitchen, shooting them both a glare.

Nancy ran up to you, immediately engulfing you into a hug, squeezing a bit too tight. “Oh, my gosh. I missed you so much. I cannot believe you’re back.” She finally stepped back.

“Yeah, I know. Neither can I, honestly. It’s a little freaky.” The two of you continued a bit more before Dustin and Mike started bickering about something in D&D.

“Okay, well, I have to drop them off to be someone else's problem or a while. I’ll see you soon, Nance.” You joked a bit while ushering the boys out the door towards the car.

“Bye, Rory!”

________

The one thing you tried to avoid thinking about while driving was where you were going. Which isn’t necessarily the safest thing. But you couldn’t help yourself. You start to panic the closer you get to the school.

You also pulled your hood up over your head as you pulled in. Attempting to cover up as much as possible. If anyone saw you, you might have a heart attack.

“Okay, here ya go, boys. What time do you need to be picked up?”

“We don’t, uh,” Dustin looked over to Mike, “ You don’t have to pick us up.” They both left too fast, almost tripping on the ground and slamming the doors behind them.

Ignoring what just happened, you also left very fast. The car skidded across the pavement for a moment before leveling out.

You can see Eddies van pull into the school's entrance in your rearview mirror. “That was close.”

#eddie stranger things #eddie munson st4 #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson series #stranger things 4 #eddie munson imagine #dustin henderson #dustin henderson stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fem!reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fic

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miiracleboys · 1 year

Text

I posted 5,143 times in 2022

That's 1,627 more posts than 2021!

336 posts created (7%)

4,807 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@itachiyamaas

@emosuna

@transrightsyamaguchi

@kenmasdysphoriahoodie

@theirtheretheyre

I tagged 5,129 of my posts in 2022

#hinata shouyou - 782 posts

#kageyama tobio - 529 posts

#oikawa tooru - 525 posts

#bokuto koutarou - 520 posts

#riko.txt - 429 posts

#akaashi keiji - 418 posts

#miya atsumu - 407 posts

#kuroo tetsurou - 389 posts

#gif - 383 posts

#tsukishima kei - 370 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#like he’s still tall but suddenly in reference to his teammate’s he’s ‘’stocky’’ instead of ‘’built like an artillery tower’’ bsjfjsnfk

My Top Posts in 2022:

okay we’ve talked about akaashi and udai and makki being all at least mildly pathetic in the timeskip but what about atsumu. yes he’s a pro athlete but his jokes never land, no one listens to him, he embarrasses himself in front of teammates and fans alike, and then he ruminates about it for forever until the only thing he wants to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. he’s on tv all the time and still gets mistaken for his chef brother, whose restaurant he sometimes goes to to have semi-public freak-outs. one of the few people that can instill true fear in him is a rice farmer. and it’s hilarious.

286 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

fic recs 5 :)

more cock, fewer roaches. please. by Gray_Herring | M | 30.9K

sakuatsu. not as horny as the title suggests, i swear. sakusa’s apartment is being fumigated for bugs, so he stays at atsumu’s for a few days. actually very sweet and made me want to melt—sometimes Being Known is not such a mortifying ordeal.

In the Closet (and not in that way) by Hihoneyimdead | G | 4.4K

sakuatsu, vaguely american setting because of the au. atsumu is in marching band, sakusa is in color guard, and osamu locked them in a storage closet together for an hour. funny and also somewhat caters to my specific distaste for the “interfering outsider” trope bc they are full of spite and so am i <3

four ways to fall asleep by precious_red | T | 5.2K

arankita. a year after they’ve graduated, kita stays at aran’s apartment for a few days while they watch interhigh. warm and comforting like hot tea.

Up No More by venxvon | G | 7.7K

arankita are fake-dating, and when the team finds out, aran tries to clear up the story to akagi and oomimi. lots of humor, really fun.

from the earth by charcoalsuns | G | 1.9K

aran-centric character study and a relationship study with inarizaki, with plenty of team-as-family. the bookmark note i left was “ooughghghg,” which about sums it up.

one million rooms & one million vacancies by tothemoon | G | 919

bokuto-centric character study from over the years. i love bokuto so much oh my god you don’t understand he’s so important to me—

a little bit of chaos by desdemona | G | 2.9K

ushiten, kind of—more gen but with a heavy ushiten seasoning. tendou gets Ideas, and ushijima is an enabler; they’re Guys Being Dudes and semi gets to reluctantly play damage control.

all in due time by rosalyra | T | 8.9K

iwaoi. au where, when you turn 17, you can meet yourself from 10 years in the future. author’s tags say they “just want oikawa to know he’s happy and he made it” and yeah. Yeah.

the art of keeping up by sieges | T | 12.3K

sunaosa. osamu gets suna to help him write a love letter—the premise is inspired by the half of it (2020), which, if you haven’t seen, you should go watch Right Now. this one’s really pretty and whenever i read it i want to yell into the void for a while bc man. Man.

seven days of rain by gabstar | T | 4.4K

akaashi-centric character study and a bokuaka relationship study. bokuto loves the rain, and akaashi comes to find comfort in loving bokuto. mostly fluff and wonderfully written; feels like racing someone in the rain and laughing until your cheeks hurt. god. THEM.

when i get home by blessings | T | 4.5K

iwaoi. a series of phone calls over the years, each made to the other. humor, fluff, a little bit of angst—they love each other so much wagh

home, and how we built ours by orphan account | T | 2.9K

iwaoi move into an apartment together, and even though the place is a wreck, it’s theirs, and it’s home.

send your cutest delivery boy by hcjime | T | 4K

iwaoi. au where oikawa just wants to order a pizza, makki Interferes in the form of inputting the special instruction of “send your cutest delivery boy,” and iwaizumi happens to be the titular delivery boy. funny and sweet :)

308 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

fic recs 3

In Another Castle by thehoyden | E | 19K

kuroken move in together after they both graduate. domestic and sweet; They Are In Love.

Richer than milk, sweeter than honey by redroseinsanity | T | 3.6K

kuroken, fae au. kuroo bargains with kenma for the first time as a child and then keeps going back as time passes. some light horror elements, but by virtue of being them, they love each other a lot. straight up Vibes.

how to win at speed dating by Mooifyourecows | T | 7.2K

daisuga. daichi loses a bet with oikawa, and as punishment he has to take part in a speed-dating event, where he ends up meeting suga. i laughed out loud here a few times. the back-and-forth banter here is fantastic and daisuga’s dynamic is so good.

eggceeding eggspectstions by asyncrhony | G | 1.9K

the msby 4 and the schweiden adlers trio have an egg-eating contest. short and silly and maintains really fun character dynamics.

Three Stories by bumblebeesknees | G | 4.9K

iwaoi. oikawa gets a confession from one of the kids he works with and it spurs him on to make a confession of his own to iwaizumi. very soft and with lovely aftermath.

This Is for Your Own Good by metisket | T | 6.3K

daiyuisuga, sort of a suga character study featuring a michimiya-suga friendship and kagehina Causing Problems. funny and actually everything i’ve ever wanted in a daiyuisuga fic.

we happy few by owlinaminor | T | 1.3K

shiratorizawa-centric; a series of snapshots from shiratorizawa’s time together compiled by tendou. the bookmark note i left on this one was “WEEPS INTO MY HANDS” and. yeah. Yeah. this one is also illustrated!

the art of reaping what you sow by trapavoid | G | 5.4K

tsukkiyama and kagehina. tsukishima gets invested in kagehina’s bizarre will-they-won’t-they for reasons that are Definitely Not Projection and in doing so comes to Realizations about his feelings about yamaguchi. his voice in this is fantastic and the whole fic is really funny.

Your Money And/Or Your Life by suspiciousflashlight | T | 11K

suga pov. daisuga are basically married and play it up to benefit financially, [john mulaney voice] no other reason. their dynamic and characterizations here are absolute gold. lots of humor and wonderfully domestic. also features tanakiyo :)

Ask A Stupid Question by darkmagicalgirl | G | 2K

ennofuta. ennoshita, yahaba, shirabu, and futakuchi, as captains of their respective teams, are interviewed on tv and futakuchi decides to be a menace about it, partially for the sake of it, partially to get a reaction out of ennoshita. this one made me laugh!

better days to find by addandsubtract | T | 6.6K

ushiten. tendou is a witch and the fic explores, to an extent, his relationship with his magic and how he has to keep it under wraps while he continues to support ushijima as a friend and as a pro athlete. this fic is just. cozy. love is stored in the casual intimacy and homemade meals :)

Watermelon Sugar by Hihoneyimdead | T | 4.3K

sakuatsu fantasy au. sakusa is an assassin hired to kill the crown prince of inarizaki, but atsumu is unfortunately both clever and charming and sakusa finds himself, despite his best (?) efforts, charmed. their dynamic here is really fun. features side sunaosa.

a long unbroken light by brella | G | 2.2K

karasuno-centric. ukai watches the crows learn to fly across three summers. ;-;

pointing at the moon by amillionsmiles | G | 3.7K

tsukishima character study and a relationship study with his brother as they grow up, apart, and back together again. the writing is gorgeous and i want to ugly cry every time i read it.

345 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

for a while my question was “how does bokuto have both big brother and little brother energy at the same time” and i think i know the answer. he’s a youngest sibling but he’s also the cool older cousin at every family function that let you play on his phone and taught you how to do a cartwheel and made a competition out of making faces at each other behind the adults’ backs whenever conversation at the table got boring

348 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fic recs 7!

soda can blues by kitouma | T | 1.6K

pre-relationship osasuna. [annoying little sibling voice] oooooh suna has a cruuuush!

let the river rush in by brella | T | 3.6K

kuroken. kuroo helps kenma retouch his roots. this fic is very beautifully done; it’s about the Pining.

dog days by devote | G | 9.6K

iwaoi relationship study as they grow up together. Holy Shit, my Feelings. the prose and the flow are fantastic here; in the author’s words, “love is stored in the iwaizumi.”

Under Pressure by ghostystarr | G | 8.2K

sakuatsu. bokuto and hinata notice sakusa’s crush on atsumu and decide to take it upon themselves to coach him on how to flirt. all parties involved do an absolutely abysmal job. funny and sweet in equal measure :)

Like An Ocean by kiyala | M | 1.6K

iwaoi. iwaizumi and the shapes his love for oikawa takes over the years. ough.

Sunday morning rain is falling by Hyeyu | T | 1.5K

iwaoi. oikawa goes through some fan mail, iwaizumi loves him, and the two of them spend the morning together in their kitchen. warm and domestic

most people never even get a single high school rival by sulfate | G | 5.2K

team argentina gets an outsiders’ glimpse of iwaoi. this whole fic is, i think, the author’s love letter to oikawa, iwaoi, and the series itself, and MAN is it good. this is another one of my all-time favorites!!

Jump the Gap by fathomfive | G | 1.3K

people don’t like to sit next to aone on the train; futakuchi realizes this one morning and decides to keep him company in all his glory. excellent characterization and a wonderful depiction of their friendship. aone is So important to me.

We’ll Figure That Out When We Get There by fathomfive | G | 2.2K

moniwa runs into a bit of trouble in a train station and the rest of datekou take it upon themselves to help. a delightful read; moniwa is Very tired and datekou’s a team—they have each other’s backs!

Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl | T | 61.2K

yahaba character study centered around him, his sexuality, and growing up. some kyouhaba and side iwaoi. MAN was this one good; the pacing, the prose, the depth of the emotions—all incredible. please note that this deals quite a bit with homophobia though

an unlikely duo by miracleboysatori | G | 1.7K

au where yachi goes to shiratorizawa and she and tendou end up bonding and becoming friends. short and sweet ^_^

by jove (we are going to own this thing for sure) by owlinaminor | T | 1.5K

ushiten enjoy their mornings together, and tendou’s a bit of a nerd. domestic and soft.

soft blue by groaninlynch | G | 6K

bokuaka. bokuto finds akaashi’s sketchbook by accident. a very sweet depiction of their dynamic; they like each other so much.

Running Into the Sun by booksong | G | 3.9K

kagehina’s relationship development through a series of their little competitions. they’re so dumb and i love them.

Add New Contact by booksong | G | 8.6K

See the full post

554 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #longish post #i love how 60% of my top tags are fic recs #riko.txt

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magsinhiding · 2 years

Text

America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.

America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17, 1956.

I can’t stand my own mind.

America when will we end the human war?

Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb.

I don’t feel good don’t bother me.

I won’t write my poem till I’m in my right mind.

America when will you be angelic?

When will you take off your clothes?

When will you look at yourself through the grave?

When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?

America why are your libraries full of tears?

America when will you send your eggs to India?

I’m sick of your insane demands.

When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?

America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.

Your machinery is too much for me.

You made me want to be a saint.

There must be some other way to settle this argument.

Burroughs is in Tangiers I don’t think he’ll come back it’s sinister.

Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?

I’m trying to come to the point.

I refuse to give up my obsession.

America stop pushing I know what I’m doing.

America the plum blossoms are falling.

I haven’t read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder.

America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.

America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I’m not sorry.

I smoke marijuana every chance I get.

I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.

When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.

My mind is made up there’s going to be trouble.

You should have seen me reading Marx.

My psychoanalyst thinks I’m perfectly right.

I won’t say the Lord’s Prayer.

I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.

America I still haven’t told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia.

I’m addressing you.

Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?

I’m obsessed by Time Magazine.

I read it every week.

Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.

I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.

It’s always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody’s serious but me.

It occurs to me that I am America.

I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.

I haven’t got a chinaman’s chance.

I’d better consider my national resources.

My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable private literature that jetplanes 1400 miles an hour and twentyfive-thousand mental institutions.

I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underprivileged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.

I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.

My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I’m a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his automobiles more so they’re all different sexes.

America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe

America free Tom Mooney

America save the Spanish Loyalists

America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die

America I am the Scottsboro boys.

America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother Bloor the Silk-strikers’ Ewig-Weibliche made me cry I once saw the Yiddish orator Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy.

America you don’t really want to go to war.

America its them bad Russians.

Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.

The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia’s power mad. She wants to take our cars from out our garages.

Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader’s Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.

That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers. Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.

America this is quite serious.

America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.

America is this correct?

I’d better get right down to the job.

It’s true I don’t want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories, I’m nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.

America I’m putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

#allen ginsberg #america

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cartooncreature · 7 months

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MY WELCOME HOME OC’S STORY KINDA SORTA SLIGHTLY PREDICTED-ISH THE RECORD!!! (Not really)

General story and some sketches vvv

(It’s long and rambly and the sketches are rough, so fair warning lol)

My little guy is named Richie Rings, he’s a lonely little clown who lives off on his own and sneaks around the neighborhood at night. He was introduced in a fully animated Halloween special where Eddie shares a story about the boogie man and spooks everybody, then Wally is sent off to get something (maybe snacks? I thinks that’s what I said?) where he’s mysteriously stolen away without a trace.

The episode splits into two separate stories. One of Wally and the mysterious figure (Richie), and the other with the neighbors searching for him.

Wally finds himself in a circus tent where Richie creeps out to spook him, only for Wally to tell him that it’s not nice to take people places without asking first. Those kinds of interactions proceed back and forth until Richie finally confesses that he was lonely and wanted to join their party but was too scared to ask. Wally takes him back to the group who all celebrates when they find him and he says “look, this is our new friend, Richie!” And that’s generally where the episode would end. Happy ending for all yippee woo!

Then, since Richie didn’t have a puppet made for him, he wasn’t in any more episodes until the Christmas special where they made him a puppet that looked much softer and nicer than his Halloween animated self. Everyone’s a little hesitant since, well, he kidnapped Wally last they saw him. But the special is all about forgiveness and being neighborly and such. Eventually everyone warms up to him, in one way or another and at drastically different levels. (Ex. Poppy is nervous around him since he did pose a literal threat, Home isn’t a fan since he took Wally away, but Barnaby warms up to him pretty quickly as they bonded over loving jokes and such, and Wally, being Wally, just vibes with him from the start, ironically)

(I say I predicted this, but it’s mostly just the spooky stories at Halloween time thing, and maybe the clown part but I don’t wanna make Sally mad)

Anywho, here’s some drawings I did of him! (I few things have changed since I drew these, but I haven’t gotten around to making him an official character sheet type thing)

I decided he’s actually quite a bit taller than Wally, and I’m trying to make his “nicer” outfit a little more period accurate, it looks too 80s. Also Wally isn’t tied up, just snatched.

And then of course I have a shit load of angst.

So you see, since Richie was only made for specials, they didn’t give his puppet the full treatment, you know? They didn’t make him as sturdy as the others, so when there was a bit of an accident that involved lots of boxes falling at a bad time, his arm was completely torn off. Rather than fixing him then as they would another puppet, they said eh, we’ll fix him next holiday season, and tossed him in a closet. Spoiler alert, they never fixed him. They just stopped adding him into specials. He was only in two or three, so when he stopped showing up hardly anyone noticed or cared enough to bring it up. So, he rotted away in some storage closet.

The time and rot left him so damaged he couldn’t walk and could barely speak. He gave up on looking for help, until one day he heard the door creak open. He begged for help, crying and sobbing and trying to make his way to the door, dragging himself hopelessly across the ground, only for the door to slam in his face as soon as he felt hope bubbling up in his heart again. (Can you tell literature is my favorite school subject?) The door had opened and shit many a time, but he hadn’t gotten nearly as hopeful with them as he had with this one, because in the brick moment he locked eyes with the figure, he recognized him…

(That picture is so rough I’m crying just looking at it dear lord I need to redo it 😭)

But yeah, that’s Richie’s general story for you! I have an idea for a happy ending for him in mind, but that’ll depend on how the actual lore of Welcome Home develops.

I hope I can give him a happy ending because that would mean Wally got a happy ending too, my poor darling.

A few other little traits of Richie’s:

+ He refers to everyone as his favorite (blank). I was gonna list examples but I’m blanking, so just come up with your own idk.

+ He is surprisingly quick to tears, though he usually tries to fight them off

+ I’m not 100% on this, but I’m thinking his skin will be some kind of pale green/teal/blueish color, but his face is white!

+ He’s more of a Gonzo type clown than a Barnaby type. Much more slapstick and accident prone.

+ He wears big tall boots under his leg warmers that helped him stand up, since his legs were less sturdy than the other puppets. Eventually a worker came in and took them for another project, leaving him mostly unable to walk, barley angel to support his weight with his calves, though he could move in his knees for a while until he rotted away.

+The accident with the boxes is what tore his arm off and mangled his other hand, leaving him unable to grab things with any force. Aka, why he was unable to open the door.

Anyway this post is long enough already, but if anyone is interested I’d be more than willing to ramble on about him for hours, I’ve got so much rattling around in my mind! I love Richie with my whole heart and NEED TO DRAW HIM MORE!!!

#welcome home #welcome home oc #welcome home original character #my art #long post #ramblings #i love him so much #also I will probably take away his middle part because people keep thinking it’s supposed to be me

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abellinthecupboard · 1 year

Text

America

America I've given you all and now I'm nothing. America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 　　　17, 1956. I can't stand my own mind. America when will we end the human war! Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb. I don't feel good don't bother me. I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind. America when will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes? When will you look at yourself through the grave? When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites? America why are your libraries full of tears? America when will you send your eggs to India? I'm sick of your insane demands. When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I 　　　need with my good looks? America after all it is you and I who are perfect not 　　　the next world. Your machinery is too much for me. You made me want to be a saint. There must be some other way to settle this argument. Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back 　　　it's sinister. Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical 　　　joke? I'm trying to come to the point. I refuse to give up my obsession. America stop pushing I know what I'm doing. America the plum blossoms are falling. I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday 　　　somebody goes on trial for murder. America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies. America I used to be a communist when I was a kid 　　　I'm not sorry. I smoke marijuana every chance I get. I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses 　　　in the closet. When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid. My mind is made up there's going to be trouble. You should have seen me reading Marx. My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right. I won't say the Lord's Prayer. I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations. America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle 　　　Max after he came over from Russia. I'm addressing you. Are you going to let your emotional life be run by 　　　Time Magazine? I'm obsessed with Time Magazine. I read it every week. Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner 　　　candystore. I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library. It's always telling me about responsibility. Business- 　　　men are serious. Movie producers are serious. 　　　Everybody's serious but me. It occurs to me that I am America. I am talking to myself again. Asia is rising against me. I haven't got a chinaman's chance. I'd better consider my national resources. My national resources consist of two joints of 　　　marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable 　　　private literature that goes 1400 miles an hour 　　　and twenty-five-thousand mental institutions. I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of 　　　underprivileged who live in my flowerpots 　　　under the light of five hundred suns. I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers 　　　is the next to go. My ambition is to be President despite the fact that 　　　I'm a Catholic. America how can I write a holy litany in your silly 　　　mood? I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as 　　　individual as his automobiles more so they're 　　　all different sexes. America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 　　　down on your old strophe America free Tom Mooney America save the Spanish Loyalists America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die America I am the Scottsboro boys. America when I was seven momma took me to Com- 　　　munist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a 　　　handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the 　　　speeches were free everybody was angelic and 　　　sentimental about the workers it was all so sin- 　　　cere you have no idea what a good thing the 　　　party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand 　　　old man a real mensch Mother Bloor made me 　　　cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody 　　　must have been a spy. America you don't really want to go to war. America it's them bad Russians. Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. 　　　And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power 　　　mad. She wants to take our cars from out our 　　　garages. Her wants to grab Chicago. her needs a Red Readers' 　　　Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. 　　　Him big bureaucracy running our fillingsta- 　　　tions. That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. 　　　Him need big black niggers. Hah. Her make us 　　　all work sixteen hours a day. help. America this is quite serious. America this is the impression I get from lookin in 　　　the television set. America is this correct? I'd better get right down to the job. It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes 　　　in precision parts factories, I'm nearsighted and 　　　psychopathic anyway. America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

— Allen Ginsberg, Howl and Other Poems (1956)

#America #Allen Ginsberg #tw chinaman #tw n word #Howl and Other Poems #poetry #poet #poem

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