You want me to go full on crazy Tedependent theorist? Because I will, I will go full on crazy Tedependent theorist. What do I have to lose? (Except my dignity but that’s non-existent to begin with so 🤷)
Ted once said this: "I remember being a little kid, sitting in front of the television and watching Queen perform right over there during Live Aid."
He has a moustache that resembles Freddie Mercury’s. He’s even brought up the whole back story as to why he has it. (Also being told that he shouldn’t have a goatee right before he walks down the aisle and then he decided on this moustache and he never looked back…) in the same speech he says “Since I was a straight fella in Middle America working in sports.” Which leads me to episode 11.
In this episode they mention that Freddie Mercury owned Richmond briefly in 1980 and that he tried having “Fat Bottomed Girls” as the team’s song. And Rebecca tells Keeley and Higgins that her father went to art school with Freddie and that Freddie supposedly said that his greatest talent was “flipping straights”. So young Ted saw Queen perform at Live Aid and then when he was older he grew a moustache similar to Freddie Mercury’s? 🤔
Then we have the song in itself. You know who wrote “Fat Bottomed Girls”? Brian May. Who famously has fantastic, long hair.
Whose hair was brought up for the first time, explicitly, in the show this episode? Trent’s hair. And it was brought up by Ted’s mum. And Ted has previously commented on hair as something he seems to like. (He kind of alluded to Trent’s hair in the second episode of the third season but he never outright states that he likes it. And Trent asks Ted if he assumed that Trent could ride a bike because of his hair and the whole vibe). And I’ve talked about hair in THIS POST but the gist of it is that hair has been referenced before, in relation to romantic couples with Roy and Keeley, Higgins and his wife, Sam and Rebecca.
I can’t verify this quote because I don’t have the magazine. But I’m adding it here anyway:
May told Mojo magazine October 2008: "I wrote it with Fred in mind, as you do especially if you've got a great singer who likes fat bottomed girls… or boys."
“Fat Bottomed Girls” is also connected to the song “Bicycle Race”, written by Freddie Mercury, they were released as a single together. And they both reference each other. “Bicycle race” is sometimes viewed as a metaphor for being bi. (Sport as a metaphor, anyone?)
Who doesn’t know how to ride a bike? Trent. Who has a moustache similar to Freddie Mercury? Ted. Who might be bi? Ted.
Look, I told you it’s crazy but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve talked about Queen/Freddie Mercury in relation to Ted before. So I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by.
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i'm going on a VERY fun rabbit hole with this life series/hermitcraft/empires blaseball au thing, so have the next installment, the hermit blaseball au! this one is a lot easier to understand if you don't know anything about blaseball, because this is Much more "i've just put them into the plot of blaseball, they're just hanging out in there". my empires blaseball au can be found here, and the third life blaseball au will be linked here one i finish writing that up.
also, a few of my choices for teams i am not... particularly confident about (namely xisuma, bdubs, hypno, and tango) so if you have a better suggestion for them please pitch it.
Grian: Batter for the LA Unlimited Tacos
Scar: Batter for the Miami Dale
Mumbo: Batter for the New York Millennials, Siphon
Cleo: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints
Ren: Batter and team captain for the San Fransisco Lovers, Charm
Bdubs: Batter for the Hawai’i Fridays
Impulse: Batter for the Hellmouth Sunbeams
Pearl: Pitcher for the Houston Spies, Precognition
Gem: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints
Xisuma: Pitcher for the Philly Pies
Evil X: Pitcher for the Hades Tigers
Wels: Batter for the San Fransisco Lovers
Hels: Batter for the Baltimore Crabs
Hypno: Batter for the Mexico City Wild Wings
XB: Batter for the Atlantis Georgias
Beef: Pitcher for the Dallas Steaks
Keralis: Batter for the Core Mechanics
Joe: Pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints, later batter for the Seattle Garages
TFC: Coach of the Ohio Worms
Doc: Pitcher for the Core Mechanics
Jevin: Batter for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Flinch, later rerolled into Reverberating
False: Pitcher for the Tokyo Lift
Stress: Batter for the Tokyo Lift
Iskall: Batter for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands
Tango: Pitcher for the Chicago Firefighters, Fire Eater
Cub: Batter for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, got Flinch from fighting god and got it rerolled into Debt
Etho: Pitcher for the Canada Moist Talkers
Zedaph: Pitcher for the Yellowstone Magic
Wormman: Pitcher for the Ohio Worms
This AU is, even more so than the Empires part of this AU, just me shoving the Hermits into the Blaseball universe and letting it happen.
The only people who are even sort of replacing an actual Blaseball player are Cleo, Joe, and Gem.
Cleo is our Jaylen. She pitches for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and is the best pitcher in the league, and when the Forbidden Book opens, she dies. Her intended replacement is False Symmetry II, aka Empires!False, but when the Forbidden Book is opened in the Empires, Hermitcraft, and Life Series universes all at once, everything gets a little muddled, and everyone comes out of it a little muddled. The biggest change is that Cleo is instead replaced by Gemini Tay, the newly generated player from the Empires world who was meant to replace Xornoth.
When she is resurrected at the end of season 6, Joe goes into the Shadows in exchange. Within a few seasons, he is able to leave the Shadows and bats for the Breath Mints for about a season, afterwards he is transferred to the Seattle Garages, where he stays. I am not putting him back in the Shadows because it makes me kind of sad.
Cub and Jevin are both players for the Thieves, so they get cursed as a result of the boss fight against the Shelled One. We will resolve that later. Hels, despite being on the Crabs, does not get cursed, because he doesn’t join the Crabs until after they return from ascension.
Other than that, the Hermits are just sort of Existing in the world of Blaseball. Evil X and Hels are both created in similar ways to Evil Twin and Bontgomery Mullock, which is to say, Blessings break and accidentally clone a guy, so we just slightly edit one of their names and keep going. Don’t worry about it.
At one point during Expansion, while the Reroll Will is still in effect, fans of the Thieves attempt to reroll the Flinch modifier that Cub got as a side effect of fighting god and losing that one time. It gets rerolled into Debt, in a similar vein to what happened to Silvaire Roadhouse, but because he’s on the Thieves, he actually gets to kill people. Good for him. Jevin’s Flinch modifier also gets rerolled, but he gets Reverberating. Good for him, but in a different direction.
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