#honestly how can i blame you

[tabithatwo]

(x)

(this is a pls stop blaming juliette lewis for nat’s arc and death post <3)

#regardless of whether you loved the death or hated it YOU CAN STOP BLAMING JULIETTE NOW OKAY?? #like even people who liked it overall but had qualms the party line is well I’m sure it was juliette leaving early so that’s why xyz #no! it was not! this was the plan <3 and idc if you hate love or nothing it I just think like making these excuses for things is weird #like do I get why some people might have assumed juliette might have left early sure yes but also idk like PEOPLE ARE FALLIBLE #showrunners are fallible! and that’s OKAY! they’re PEOPLE! and you CAN love every choice they make but jumping through hoops #to find *reasons* for the things you didn’t like is so interesting to me cause like…it’s okay!!! they can do a little thing you didn’t love! #you can even SAY you didn’t love it if you want and that’s okay too! or not! but stop blaming juliette lewis for whatever you didn’t like #also the rest of the article is an interesting read! #now I’ll do conjecture and tell you it is CONJECTURE for sure okay disclaimer #but after reading this article I think it is even possible Juliette’s anger with nats arc was partially BECAUSE she knew her death was soon #like maybe! who knows! not us! but I don’t even know how I became this hardcore juliette defender bc honestly I dosagree w her on a lot lol #but like I’ve seen people say oh she’s difficult and she made them do this and she’s a problem and she always does this #HELLO??? stop blaming women for shit baselessly?? #(if you casually wondered if maybe she wanted to leave and didn’t say it like it was fact or use it to pin blame on her for stuff… #…this isn’t directed at you) #but some people got VICIOUS #juliette lewis #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets

[craycraybluejay]

You said in tags once that pedophiles and child predators aren't the same, can you explain why? /GEN

For the same reason that people with any kind of attraction to anyone ever aren't all rapists/don't all pursue romantic/sexual feelings that could or definitely would hurt the other person. Because paraphilias are simply the morally neutral state of experiencing attraction and rape/grooming is Not That. Because people *choose* to hurt others, but not what they feel. Because a good majority of child sexual abusers aren't even pathologically/paraphilically attracted to children, they *just want to hurt them because they can.* Because they're dissatisfied with something in life, or want a punching bag, or want to feel powerful, etc etc.

It's not really different conceptually from physical abuse. Do people do it because they have icky feelings about liking blood or violence? No. They do it to feel powerful. Sexual abuse is not about sex but about power. Hope this answers your question. I've answered it a good million times on this blog but eh I'm in a generous mood.

#anon response #pro para #girl imagine if ppl blamed randomass sadists for me getting beat up as a kid #like. no. thats not how that works. if they got off on hurting me in a literal sense they mightve been a little nicer ab it. #honestly its just flat out offensive to equate thoughts and feelings with abuse #regardless of someone's pathology you can always choose to do good and always choose to do evil #what you do with that ability is up to you. but rather than focusing consequences on random 'freaks' maybe focus them on #'normal people' who decide to covertly abuse their kids. or the priest who got tired of being godly and did some fucked shit #it is not the freaks you should fear but those who put on a face of normalcy while treating others like garbage and hurting people #also mostly those that are self aware know how to Be Good so to speak and im saying this broadly ab all 'dangerous' thoughts #ppl who know they can get triggered into violence will usually avoid sais triggers. ppl who spiral out of control during an episode will #have someone watch over them or find some way to offset any possible damage #even for people in whom some sort of harm is an instinctive reaction and not a conscious decision #steps can be should be and are taken to minimize problems and recover from anything that needs it #i trust a big 3 paraphile easier than an unstable person in power with no self awareness #because ive met both and only one has ever seriously hurt me. guess.

[lovethistoomuch]

me interacting with the man with sunglasses:

1st playthrough: oh, come on mysterious ex-partner guy, just loosen up a little, just talk to me. kim is way cooler than you btw.

2nd playthrough: oh my god, jean, it's so good to see you! I love talking to you! You're the coolest guy ever! I'd love having you as my partner, please just talkt to me please, I'm so sorry, I love you! I love you! please forgive me, jean!!!

#disco elysium #jean vicquemare #he is such a tragic character #and you get glimpses of that during your early interactions with him #but it only really hit me in the conversation right at the end #I truly cannot understand all the hate i see for him as a character #like yeah he is a bitter asshole but can you really blame him? #you don't get that bitter if you haven't initially cared for someone deeply #we as a player never see it but harry really hurt him #all i want to do is give him a hug and apologise #harry basically spit in his face and told him to fuck off and he still came back for him #he came back in a way that he thought would make harry smile #and even helps him to the car (in the good ending) #how can people honestly claim that jean hates harry? #anyway #enough of that #just know that this man has been stuck in my head for weeks now

[a-pigeons-soliloquy]

at the request/encouragement/threats of @willgrahamscock lol (I’m joking ofc thank you for giving me courage to post :)), here’s my art of hannibal and will!

plus here’s the original will sketch below the cut because he is cute and I want to share him!:

just look at him!!! I want only the best for him

#nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal fanart #my art #look at them sparkling!! #they are smitten #I got inspired and ended up doing more work on the original sketches I did to try to expel the hannibal feelings from my body #and this is the final result!!! #I’m pretty happy with them :D but like also #honestly no matter how hard I tried I could not get the final will to not look like that guy from grey’s anatomy #I feel like his name is derek. probably. #do you see what I mean?? #also please excuse the awful cropping and image quality of will #I tried I promise I tried! #but he did not want to cooperate #you can blame him #I just. cannot draw him. it is the bane of my life I have been trying for nearly a year now #he’s too pretty I simply cannot fully capture his beauty #I don’t get how people do it???? teach me your ways oh amazing artists I am but you humble student grovelling at your feet for scraps #but my sketch will is babygirl and I adore him <3 #printing him out and sticking him on my wall #sorry I know I tag like I’m writing the opening story for an online recipe #I will be quiet now

[finexbright]

.

#as i said i'm only now catching up on what happened at red rocks and honestly i'm just so confused as to #why people are getting hate mail for being at a show???? like unless you were right there at the show you will NOT know what's going on #you can't just ''leave'' a venue because there's security measures ensuring that people don't run and cause a stampede #i get that the team there sucked and should've been much better equipped for an outdoor venue but why the fuck are we blaming the fans???? #and then being mad at louis??? yeah i get that his tweet wasn't the best but i'd imagine that he was trying to help out as much as he could #ensuring fans were safe and taken care of. pretty sure he is the one paying all hospital bills and stuff as well #yeah i know he's an artist and he has people doing things for him but also it's louis. he might not have been at ground zero #but i bet he was doing everything he could to help get fans to safety and he had to tweet something amidst all that #just to reassure fans a bit more and he did what he could #besides. i'm sorry but instead of being all ''louis/his team should've done more'' can we all just make sure that the fans #who were actually in that hail storm and who actually got horribly injured and who actually went through such a scary situation #are feeling okay? like why are we arguing about trivial things when what matters the most out of this situation is the fans and their safety #i honestly need people who were not at the venue and people who do not understand how traumatic things can be #to just shut up and log off #anyways to everyone present at red rocks i'm sending you so much love and i'm so sorry something so traumatic happened #i hope everyone is safe and is being treated for their injuries 💌

[skitskatdacat63]

More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)

- facial hair

+ closeups

I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??

#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION #lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape #i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other #but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh #but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½? #and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post #okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏 #i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out #two people id like to blame: #thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :) #and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando #^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭 #it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off #also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me #its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right???? #anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out #but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork. #i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl #also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly #i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs #<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings #i wanna draw 3 things rn: #nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.art. #fa14 #matador au

[dragonastra]

Hearing about Rooser Teeth's demise... admittedly I havent kept up with a lot of their content ever since they fired Matt Bragg. But the fact remains that I was a part of that community for several long years.

I made fanart. I made friends. My god, I made friends! Some of the closest friends I have we bonded through the AH/RT community or some branch of it. My current DnD group that streams on twitch, we were all connected to the community at one point, one way or another.

I attended RTX several times, which I maintain was a wholly unique experience unlike any anime convention I've also attended. I had so much fun in that community. I know RT has and had some problematic elements but it was also such a... force. I dont regret joining it. It got me into let's plays and streaming, it brought us RWBY which I still love despite everything and numerous other entertaining shows, and more importantly it made me laugh and connected me with friends.

To see it all dissolve so suddenly is... grief inducing. My heart definitely mourns. I've never been in another fandom community like it, and I dont know if I will again.

And of course, I hope the employees and contract workers affected can get back on their feet quickly. I cant imagine their position. Like the rug has been pulled from under their feet, I'm sure.

Just... yeah. Cowabummer, dude.

#you can go on and on and on about how RT was a sinking ship these past several years #i dont want to hear it #i knew it was on a decline but they were still doing new things and making shit #it seemed like they at least had a few more years left #honestly i do put a chunk of the blame on WB #the company with a history of shitty laughably horrible mismanagement #but yeah #driveling dragon #i imagine RWBY will probably be bought but who knows how businews people think #a lot of wait and see happens now

[hi-there-buddies]

Monke

#spy x family #spy family #loid forger #twilight #spyxfamily #sxf #sxf twilight #I love that he’s slowly getting more crazy faces #he’s slipping and you can tell #honestly I don’t blame him because the reason his face is like this is absolutely fucking hilarious #SPOILER #anya got a Tonitris bolt but also a Stella star #because she studied so much for one exam that she forgot to study for the other #lmfaoooo #so this is basically just Loid trying to figure out how to feel #and I think this face portrays that perfectly

[bernadettavonaegir]

managed to get all of the possible responses to the Treasure Hunt reports that you can make and submit at the Naranja/Uva Academy website! Upon being shared to twitter/X, a randomly selected character will respond to your report, many of the characters bidding you a fun and safe journey to Kitakami. It seems like the opportunity to make your report will last 'til the 17th.

(very shoddily translated on google translate english versions are below the cut!)

#i have no idea if anyone else posted these yet #i've honestly been avoiding the tags since i can't afford the DLC rn and don't wanna get spoiled ;-; #it's likely because of the inaccurate machine translations but i find some of these so amusing #tyme's is so cute and miriam's made me blush lol #salvatore's one is worded rly weird but i'm blaming the translation. geeta's one is interesting- how she insists you exemplify #to continue being a champion? and rika's is so funny like “yo you should take me with you!!! but i have work so :(” #even thru the inaccuracies you can tell the larry one is so. Him. lmao #the ones that most interest me are raifort's and jacq's. jacq honey why is your response so short???????? #also the academy staff & the E4 are my most FAVORITE characters in this game and the fact u can get responses from them makes my heart warm #the hardest ones to get were rika and larry's i s2g i submitted the report like 50+ times. don't be me #dendra/kihada being yellow fin tuna. so silly and so cute #anyways regular tag time below #pokemon scarlet violet #pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon scarvi #mine

[lavenoon]

Someone's struggling a bit to differentiate the past from the present, seeing something that's not there

@naffeclipse I had SO much fun with this composition, thanks for treating me this morning <3

#post let luce #fnaf sb #fnaf sb au #cryptid!sun #cryptid!moon #cryptid!eclipse #cryptid sightings #cryptid sightings spoilers #naffeclipse #look. look. something something speed demon for the demon boys joke #in my defense. I have none I can only shift 'blame' #Naff you write too well how am I supposed NOT to draw immediately after reading? #I screamed so much this morning #honestly glad I rarely talk to my upstairs neighbors I do NOT want to know what they think of me #my art #almost forgot this one again! #as per usual! #'fun' fact this file was named 'oops! trauma' and that's what I'll call it in the masterlist too

[maxwell-grant]

Was kinda interesting watching Aquaman 2 do that thing Hollywood movies do where a villain barks orders in an non-English language to signal to the American audience that they're foreign and scary, except this time the actress doing it was speaking portuguese so I actually understood everything she was saying and it was just weird and abrupt. I guess they just told her to translate and say the lines in her own language but didn't direct her how to adapt the dialogue accordingly, so she ends up just telling the henchmen to pick up a guy in a very stilted formal factual manner while everything's exploding around them, that was kinda funny.

#not criticizing or blaming the actress here she was allright #it's Aquaman 2 nobody was on their a-game here #anyway movie was actually okay #not the worst thing I had occasionally fun times watching it #by the DCEU standards it was actually pretty good #for better or worse it felt way more like a Monsterverse movie for most of it #you can almost exactly pinpoint the scenes made when it was a major blockbuster sequel project #and the ones they made not giving a shit anymore knowing this was their last dance and just having fun with it #plenty of the ones in the latter are even some of the best in the movie #just Momoa and Wilson dicking around Jumanji sets #ending is very schmaltzy and optimistic and you can pick that and the enviromentalist angle #as what Momoa contributed to the writing because it feels very much an actor writing their hero character's finale thing #not complaining about it tho I find that kind of stuff interesting even if it isn't good #I mean why not go with that at this point #fuck it let's rip off a subplot from Black Panther and end with a limp imitation of the Iron Man 1 ending why not #Aquaman Saves the World and Patrick Wilson Eats A Cockroach and that's how the DCEU ends #honestly a more dignified fashion than it ever deserved to end

[sage-nebula]

Martha didn't get a Tennant Doctor because she didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Martha was the only one of RTD's companions who left the Doctor of her own volition, and only ever called him back on her own terms, when she had need of him.

Rose didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Rose was trapped in an alternate universe because it was either that or be stuck in a void with Daleks and Cybermen for the rest of time. And when she returned (primarily to warn the Doctor about the oncoming darkness caused by Davros but also because she wanted to be with him), she left with the Metacrisis Tenth Doctor and their own TARDIS because that was the only way to give her a satisfying ending from the viewpoint of the audience. (And even then, there are some fans who will tell you that nothing short of her being with the Time Lord Doctor in the prime reality is satisfying, but that just couldn't happen for reasons outside the narrative story.)

Donna didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Donna absorbed all of the intelligence of a Time Lord into her human brain, and this was going to kill her. She had to have her memory erased and be kept away from anything alien for presumably forever or else the knowledge would return and literally kill her. Donna begged the Doctor not to wipe her memory anyway, because she would rather have died than give up that life. Just like Rose, Donna had planned on staying with the Doctor for the rest of her life.

This was not the case for Martha. Setting aside the fact that Martha was treated like garbage for the duration of her season from a writing standpoint, by the end of season three Martha has realized two things: 1.) that she is goddamn brilliant and never deserved to feel like she was second best, and 2.) that she doesn't want the Doctor anymore. Unlike Rose, Donna, and Captain Jack, Martha leaves the TARDIS of her own free will, to pursue her own life and career outside the Doctor. Even Sarah-Jane says in "School Reunion" that she waited for the Doctor to come back for her; she didn't want to leave, not permanently! But Martha did. She chose to step away. The only other companion to have done this during RTD's run is Mickey, so I guess Martha wasn't the only one; still, she's the only one of the primary companions, the three women, to want to leave. She made that choice herself.

Now, does that mean everything about Martha's ending was perfect? No. As much as the "Smith and Jones" wordplay of her ending with Mickey is amusing (get it, like her first episode), it makes no sense when you consider that she was engaged when she returned in season four, and yet we never hear of that fiance again. I mean, I guess it's fine since it's not like we ever saw him? But what happened there? Why was no thought given to Martha's story there? What was she doing with Mickey in an active war zone? Why no mention of her in these three specials even though, last we heard of her, she was working with UNIT in a really important position? I like Mel well enough, but why couldn't Martha have been there instead? Especially since Martha and Donna had a preexisting friendship, and would have been delighted to see each other again?

With that said though, she doesn't need a Tennant Doctor. She didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Frankly, Tennant's Doctor doesn't deserve her with the way he acted ("Rose would know" right to her face, like -- dude, I get it, you're grieving, but that's fucking rude and Rose would NOT approve you using her memory to make another woman feel bad about herself). Martha's character arc was about recognizing her own brilliance and her own worth; standing on her own two feet as a PROPER doctor, Doctor Martha Jones, walking the earth and saving the world without a TARDIS or Torchwood or a Time Lord brain. Just her own fucking determination and brilliance.

Rose and Donna got Tennant Doctors because that was the way to make their final send-offs satisfying. Rose and a Tennant Doctor got to be in love and happy together in a parallel world, which is fitting considering that they were in love and never wanted to leave each other. Donna and a Tennant Doctor get to be besties and happy together in this reality, so that RTD has a convenient excuse to pull Tennant back into a story if he ever wants to again (since it'd be hard to explain why Tentoo came over, versus having Fourteen right there) . . . but also because, like Rose, Donna never wanted to leave the Doctor, she wanted to be with him forever.

But Martha didn't want that. Martha left on her own accord. She left with a smile on her face and her cell phone on the TARDIS console, so that when she said "here boy!" the Doctor would listen. She left on her terms, with him at her call, only there when she has use for him.

And honestly? Good for her.

#like it was a fucking waste that we didn't see Martha at all in these specials #or even get a mention of her but like #she wouldn't WANT a Tennant Doctor. she was the only one of the 3 who left willingly! #(and honestly who can blame her like fr . . . the shit she put up with bc of him) #(the shit in the Family of Blood episodes gave her just cause to beat his ass into next week honestly) #(she hugs him at the end but honestly she should have beat his ass. just started swinging) #(how dare he do that to her? honestly?? i'm not talking about the love plot bit bc while that was ugh it's like #small potatoes to making her as a Black woman have to WORK IN SERVITUDE TO WHITE PEOPLE #and like the scene where he grabs her arm and throws her from the room? BITCH????? #GOD i'm mad again just THINKING about it #she should have beat his ass so hard he regenerated right then and there. AGH. #ANYWAY #Martha Jones deserved better but getting a Tennant Doctor is not better #not for her. it would be like a punishment honestly #she walked away from him and then you put his sad boy ass back on her doorstep?? hello??? no thank you #doctor who #martha jones #dw spoilers #this probably sounds like I hate Tennant's Doctor but I don't #I just hate how a lot of season 3 was written wrt how Martha was treated #like Martha having very legitimate concerns in the Shakespeare episode about being a Black woman in that time period #and Ten mocks her for being concerned like ??? #ARGGGHGHHGHGHGHG #ABOUT TO FLING MYSELF INTO THE TV TO BEAT HIS ASS MYSELF ISTFG #A N Y W A Y

[ignatius-pennyfeather-ix]

since ofmd season is coming up here’s a little edit that i’ve never posted on here :)

#idk man first and only time i’ve done an edit #but i love it #made on imovie lmaoa #sorry if it’s bad quality #i actually originally posted this on insta & if you knew me there…ur a real one #lollll #but yeah everyone would always talk abt how never love an anchor was the perfect song for the show #but i never saw any edits so i had just decided to make one #i honestly was originally gonna do it from stede’s percy #but this was more fun for me #esp bc it kind of deviates from how it actually happens #so i can kind of tell that story #it could also be interpreted as how ed views it in retrospect #bc when you think of it yeah stede was the one who left #but ed rlly blamed himself so i that’s kind of what this edit it reflecting #(i’m pretending this is a short film and i’m being interviewed by a magazine.) #(also hi if you’re actually reading this 😭😭😭) #ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #ofmd edit #ofmd ed teach #edward teach #edward teach born on a beach #ofmd blackbeard #ofmd s2 #ed x stede #gentlebeard #ofmd stede #stede bonnet

[indigodawns]

.

#these are just some thoughts re: friendship as a result of tonight that i need to jot down somewhere but #realising that i really do have a strict and set idea of Good Friend(ship) and what that entails to me #and id written people off bc i wasn't yk ~receiving love or friendship the way id prefer and i was angry with them for that/hurt about it #did i communicate that to them though? nooo. was i fully right in that? also no. like just bc i felt unheard didn't fully mean #that they were doing something wrong. they were trying in their own way (and sometimes they weren't really or it just wasn't nice) #but that's about how we match and how we communicate right? this is so silly that's so basic but it never fully clicked for me like this #i was blaming them for stuff and building up resentment without ever expressing that (and i still haven't yk dhshsjd) #and i think where i went ~wrong was in thinking that bc i felt that way they weren't ~giving me what i need #when it's like... but did i pick up on the ways in which they DID appreciate me and show me love etc? did i give them ANYTHING to work with? #(ok yes occasionally but also... tangent but i was watching a variety show and they were teasing woozi about how #he gives interviewers/hosts literally nothing to work with. like no extra information for them to ask about or tease him for or anything #and i was like ohhhhhh. yeah i do do that sometimes with friends and it's genuinely smth i don't really know how to do like #giving casual information (but not too much and not too little???) so they can then ask questions etc. so then if im like ughh #they never ask (the right) questions or show interest (or let me talk but that's a different thing dhsjdjd) it's like... #well do i give them the chance to? much to think about thank you woozi) #anyways where was i dhsjsnsnsjns idk but it's soooo annoying that i haven't figured this all out yet #but im slowly letting go off a bunch of resentment that has truly no business being here and im trying to self reflect and all that #and im honestly doing so shit some days but others days it's? finding stuff that matters to me on a deeper level ig? #and all of it really does pale in the face of multiple genocides and it's. but yk. if i want to keep fighting #i need to build a strong foundation and sort my shit out as well and be present so im really really trying #and beating my stupid stupid depression and brain with a stick until i get there

[figurativepieceoftrash]

And if you find it interesting: 9, afo. Thank you!

Prompt 9: Say you love me

"Say you love me."

Not a question, but a command. Comfortingly familiar and gratingly predictable all at once. Pathetic, too, Sorahiko has come to realize. For all his bluster and projected confidence, Hisashi is damningly insecure.

Not that he knows it, of course. He could never be so self-aware. Sorahiko isn't exactly certain he wants him to be, though.

"Give me a reason to and maybe I will," he replies with begrudging interest, because it's ten in the morning, and the shirt he's wearing isn't his, and maybe, just maybe, he's a little bit pathetic too.

"So demanding." There's a touch of mockery in that. Sorahiko feels an arm close around his waist, pulling him ever so slightly into Hisashi's orbit, before a quick peck dusts his cheek. "There, is that enough for you? I'm not especially inclined to take you back to bed now, so it'll have to do regardless."

Inadvertently, the bridge of Sorahiko's nose wrinkles. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you smell like eggs." Sorahiko feels the head on his shoulder incline, pointedly towards the stove at his waist. "That's the worst omelet I've ever seen, by the way. You know you're supposed to remove the shells, don't you?"

A growl. "I did."

"Then what's that lumpy bit there?" 

Sorahiko's eyes follow the path of Hisashi's finger. He honestly can't parse where its target lies. As loathe as he is to admit it, the entire omelet is a mess.

"Just be grateful I'm cooking you anything, you–"

"Let's not get heated Sorahiko, you know I'm only teasing." That elicits an eye roll. Sorahiko knows quite the opposite. He isn't. Not entirely, anyways. "In truth, I find this domestic side of yours rather endearing. To force yourself through something you're so humiliatingly inept at, and all for my sake… I had no idea I held such an impressive sway over you."

"Fuck off."

"Ah, but not so impressive, it seems. I supplied the reason, did I not? A kiss and a compliment in one, I'm certain that's enough to fulfill my end of the bargain. So now you say…?" he trails off, pointedly pulling away from the two's considerably prolonged embrace.

Sorahiko hates that he misses the warmth. He hates it even more once he catches on to the familiar note in Hisashi's phrasing. Bargain.

Over the course of their intermittent and considerably rocky relationship, Sorahiko has come to learn, with increasing intensity and emphasis, that Hisashi sees the world entirely and exclusively in terms of transaction.

An expensive, candlelit dinner in exchange for sex. An apartment key for one-sided, yet ineffably binding romantic exclusivity. A name for a name. Breakfast for a button down. Physical affection for verbal affirmation.

Sorahiko doesn't mind it, per se. He likes knowing the terms of his relationship. The boundaries, the expectations, the do's and don'ts. It's no secret that he struggles with displays of affection, and Hisashi evokes them in ways that are obviously permissible, if not entirely free.

But it does feel… obsessive, on occasion. Demanding. Almost religious in its ritualism.

And even so, he's powerless in the face of it.

"I love you." 

Why does he mean it, when he says it?

Sorahiko would like to think it's because he pities him. The two have never exchanged personal information with each other beyond that of addresses, ages, and names, but what he's gleaned of Hisashi's life from shrewd bits of insight he's been allowed hasn't painted a pretty picture.

Hisashi is wealthy, certainly. Excessively so. Doubtlessly successful from the perspective of the average salaryman, and more still. 

But there's a desperation to it, Sorahiko has often noted, a compulsion to throw himself into to his work, whatever it may be, to parade his wealth around in the form of designer suits, and limousines, and French Champagnes, and penthouse suites, that suggests less of a desire to pursue a life worth living and more of a ravenous, clawing need to escape the reality of one that isn't.

The only pictures in his apartment are stock photos, he never speaks of his family, and the way he manipulates tenderness out of Sorahiko – hungrily, always hungrily, but with such a marked desire for distance – implies an upbringing completely devoid of genuine emotional connection. 

Every tender word is postured with Hisashi, practiced, and calculated, and rehearsed. Out of a compulsive desire for perfection, certainly, for power over one's partner, but there's also a very real sense of fear to the practice. Vulnerability is not a word in Hisashi's vocabulary. 

It isn't found in Sorahiko's either. Maybe that's why the pity comes so easily.

But no, that isn't his desire's origin, as much as he may wish it were.

There's a magnetism to Hisashi completely independent of his more vulnerable aspects, a surety and gravity as powerful as it is prevalent. Sorahiko loves to butt heads, the thrill of a chase, the stubborn push and pull of a yearning to which neither party will vocally lay claim.

Belonging to someone else, someone just as jaded, and worn, and pessimistic as him. Someone who comprehends the importance of detachment in the face of intimacy.

That was why he'd broken things off with Nana Shimura, though he'd never say it aloud. He'd known her too well, and she'd cared too much. Not enough distance.

"And I love hearing you say it." Apparently, Hisashi is feeling generous this morning. The second peck is placed on his lips. "I'm leaving the country tomorrow for work. I don't know when I'll be back."

Not generous then, placating. A salve in anticipation of a burn. Oh well. Last night had been too passionate anyways. Really, it's a blessing. Thank God for distance.

Breakfast is eaten in cold, impassive silence. Hisashi doesn't even comment on the obvious bits of eggshell that crack between his molars. Doesn't even lament the burnt crust that coats the dishes underside. A rare occurrence by all accounts. He lives for drama.

Sorahiko should be grateful. And he is.

Thank God for distance.

#I'm sorry if you were expecting something dark I honestly wanted to go that route but I've been trying to learn to write romance lately so? #Oops #Thank you sm for the prompts btw!!! I'm always overjoyed to see you in my notes! #This is probably literally so terrible I'm sorry #I have no idea how to write this sort of thing #If it's ooc blame how vague Hori is with afo's character you can do literally anything with him in his personal life and it technically #can't be disproven okay #afohiko #bnha #my writing

[kindlythevoid]

As promised. Memes:

And as promised, ranting:

Okay, so, real talk, I did not actually like everything in this book, but I still fucked with it SO HARD. Like, honestly, I picked up what this was putting down (a little heavy-handedly, but done so well imho???) and the WAY IT WAS WRITTEN????

Like, I did a course on the Aeneid. And obviously it was a Roman mythos, not Greek, but DAMN, CLAIRE NORTH. I could see my translations!!! Written in the vernacular of english!!! RiGHT THERE IN THE TEXXT!!!! I GOT SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! It's just, such little things. The phrasing of a certain line. The odd usage of certain similes or metaphors that go off about people or places. The strange diversions to explain events or people right in the middle of the text before jumping straight back into the story. IT WAS SO VERGIL GUYS I SWEAR.

(i haven't had to translate the greek myths sorry guys and I read the odyssey so many years ago in english many apologies am working off what I got)

And, like, as I said, it was very heavy-handed as it backhanded the greek poets for ignoring the women but, like, she was right??? It was insane guys. It was absolutely insane. And everyone was so nuanced and had personalities and hopes and dreams and backstories and at points I was worried she was going to sacrifice the guys to further the women??? Which, like, I understand the irony, and obv couldn't super fault her for it, but she ended up balancing everyone out so well??? Like the guys were in the background instead but they were still all unique and had different priorities and shit.

Just, this whole book was such a breath of fresh air. Damn.

#as a believer in odypen tho I am a little concerned with how the trilogy is gonna go #but i dont think i can blame her #and honestly i'm not a hundred percent sure if its bc it was thru hera's eyes and if there was a biased narrator #WHICH IS SUPER COOL IN AND OF ITSELF #and obv as a major pjo reader I was eyeing hera with hella suspicion #but obviously this is someone else's interpretation of hera and i honestly kinda fucked with her #like i didn't super like her all the time but she was a damn good narrator #like i didn't like clytemnestra a whoooole bunch like hera but also yeah i could absolutely respect her #like shit this book SLAPPED #I still get so fucking excited about the actual writing itself #it was such a cool blend of classical-writing and just straight up british slang it was so much fun to read fr fr #would recommend if you like feminist books and/or classic greek retellings #i'd have to research to see if any of the things happened in the background of the odyssey or some shit #but overall its a really neat read i think #just yelling into the void #ithaca #ithaca by claire north #meme time #hera #the odyssey