#hope this makes sense to someone else and that i'm not drawing a connection where there isn't one pls peace and love on planet earth

[thetruthpdf]

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS — 4.06 The Wedding / 5.10 Exit Interview

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwditsedit #wwdits spoilers #userbbelcher #chewieblog #wwditsdaily #dailylgbtq #otpsource #nandermo #nandor x guillermo #userveronika #alivedean #tuserpris #userivett #mine #my gifs #i haven't been able to gif since thursday but i have been going insane thinking about this <3 #hope this makes sense to someone else and that i'm not drawing a connection where there isn't one pls peace and love on planet earth #nandermoedit

[khristie16]

The Fast and Forbidden

Charles is a famous F1 driver with everything one could want: fame, fortune, and fans. But he is missing one thing. Being his new personal assistant changes everything for both of them.

— chapter 3 An unspoken connection builds up and seeing you half naked gives a top to it, right after your date with another guy

warnings: sexual tension, invading privacy (not the intention), charles is chuckling the charles out of him

.........................................................................

I haven't seen Charles for two days. We haven't even spoken. Right after our shared time behind the piano, his brothers came to his apartment to pick him up for the squash that was apparently delayed. I snapped from my sitting position and awkwardly disappeared, resulting in forgetting about the clothes I wanted to laundry. I felt weird. Torn apart. What the hell happened there? I was still overthinking the whole scenery, me and him playing together. Me and my feelings and him and his words. What the hell was he talking about that I am his boat in whatever ocean it was. My frustration grew extremely and I was mad about everything and I did not know where it came from.

After ruminating on the sofa I had bought two days ago at this new and absolutely with nothing in apartment, I had to buy at least few decent things to it. It is not like I care about it much, I'm not gonna stay here for most of the time and I definitely don't call it home. One thing came to my conclusion. I will go on a date. I don't know how or when yet, but I need to go on a date instead of thinking about the weirdfest that is happening between the two of us. What I didn't know though was the fact that Charles ignored me on purpose. He was cursing himself for saying what he said and he didn't know why he said it. It was like that day, that moment he was someone else. He doesn't do these sweet nothings. He isn't like that. And so he ignored YN as much as he could.

On the way to Japan, the ride was quiet. Charles had his AirPods all the time and all I could do was draw some stuff in my notebook. This is actually the only time where my mind doesn't lead. I don't think and that is when I like it the most. That is when I remembered I wanted to go on a date. I decided I will install these trendy apps that are viral nowadays.

''There you have my keys, we are still in separated rooms, but still.''

He nodded in agreement of hoping that I have some common sense and I know what he implies. As I am grabbing the keys from his hands on the corridor in this fancy hotel in Japan, I don't bother to say anything to him. As I turned around to walk to my apartment he said ''I don't need you for today, you have a free time''

I took a deep breath and encouraged myself to go even faster.

Give me your name and I will give you my last name

These guys hereeee. Ugh. Now I remember why I stopped finding my 'match' on these apps. These guys are cringe asf and the only thing they care about is the color of your panties, not your name. I chuckle as I scroll some more on the sofa in the luxurious living room that I roll my eyes at. Anything that reminds me of Charles is annoying. Luxurious cars, clothes and even hotels are annoying because of him. I fumed and threw the phone next to my lying side. My vision goes blur and black as put my hands over my eyes and try to just breathe. Just when I get into the moment, I receive a notification.

It is some guy called Patrick. I looked at his profile and I have to say I was slightly amused. A nice handsome guy, who is appearing normal. I accepted his offer and in one minute I receive his message.

When I saw your face I could not look away:)

I'm not gonna lie, it did flatter me.

Good for you you didn't:)

I'm Patrick. Not from here, as i see you are not from here either I'm YN. I'm just visiting for few days. Better to make it rememberable

I don't know what this guy was but he intrigued me and I accepted to go on a date with him. I put myself together very nicely and went on a date with him. He picked me up in a luxurious car (Charles) and greeted me with a beautiful smile. I had to give him credits for how handsome he is IRL. ''Hello you''

I have to chuckle as I make my finish line to him. ''Well nice to see you too''

I smirk at him and look him in the eyes. Brown eyes. Simple. Nothing complex. Not like Charles's eyes. *(internal grunt)*

''What's wrong?''

He asks me genuinely with frown on his face. I shrug it off with a mild smile that it is nothing, just that I am cold. He raises his eyebrows but don't comment it. Instead he opens the doors for me and I sit down, ready for the adventure of what this date will bring.

The date itself was very nice, a simple dinner with a beautiful view on the city underneath us. Patrick is very casual and calm guy, well mannered and well spoken. There was nothing wrong with him, yet, I felt shallow. I did not feel alive. I thought to it it is because of my shitty mood from earlier. More of someone specific. I checked my phone to see if I am not needed but nothing came.

''I see there is something bothering you''

I lift my gaze and look at Patrick. I give him apologetic smile and take my phone away.

''Just work''

He gives me a knowing smile but he doesn't know it is not the job itself but the person behind it. And I hate myself for letting that happen. I don't want to feel like that, especially with a decent man in front of me. We go back to our conversation and as the time goes by, I finally managed to forget about Charles.

Patrick talked to me about his life, how he started and how it lead him to be where he is now. I genuinely liked to listen to him and it was certain that his guy know what he is doing in life. He has a goal and it appears no struggle take him from it. Unlike me.

When he asks me about my life, I keep it very simple. I don't want to tell him how I lost everything I could, everything I had for the last twenty years known to my life. And there are few things that I am passionate about. one of them are chocolate desserts and so I call for one, to keep the attention from me and my 'old' life.

On our way back to a hotel I stay silent and let my mind wander wherever it wants. Patrick from time to time asked me about something but it looked like he respects my quiet time I need for myself. It is hard to talk when my body is met with so much food to process!

''I know I enjoyed it, I hope you did as well YN''

I smile at him and I cannot lie that it wasn't enjoyable. I give him a light nod with a smile.

He helps me out of the car and then we stand facing each other.

''Can I see you again?''

I look up to his warm brown eyes and melt for a second. They remind me of all those people in my life that I love so much. They are so welcoming. It makes me so vulnerable that I say yes.

I slightly chuckle and keep smiling more to myself than to him. He takes a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ears.

I see someone familiar on the left and my eyes wander there to see Joris with some other men. My body immediately goes tense and I search for him. But he is not there. Weird.

''You know them?''

I forgot about Patrick at all and my eyes widen at his sudden presence. ''Oh, uhm, yes, they are from work.''

I go back to look at Joris who is watching me closely as well.

''Oh, I see.''

I put my focus back to Patrick and give him a smile. ''Thank you for the date, I enjoyed it.''

He just nodded and kissed my hand with a promising look of a second date.

Right after I left the place in front of the hotel building, I lost track of time and focus on outer world that I just blankly stared on the wall in front of me. As the wall split in a half and opened for me, I blinked from the intrusion and get out from the elevator. I blindly walked to my apartment and opened the doors.

Darkness. Weird, I swear I left the lamp on. As I shrug it off, on my way to the bedroom I semi half get off the dress that were suffocating me the whole time after I ate the delicious chocolate dessert. That is why I get from having a sweet tooth. As I groan with the zipper in my lower back a light hits my senses. I blink many times in order to adjust to the surrounding and when the blurry lines make a form I see Charles staring at me expressionless. I stood there like a thief caught red handed and what gets me moving is his eyes lingering on my exposed chest and stomach.

I immediately cover myself and run to my right, even though I don't know what is there.

''Oh my god, i'm sor-'' ''-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!''

As I lay my back on the wall behind me I struggle to breath as my breathing became shallow. ''I-I thought this is my appartment. I'm so sorry''

All I hear is a chuckle and I frown at the reason for him to chuckle at all! I swear this guy just pisses me off.

''It's okay. What about I give you some space and wait in the corridor?''

I hum back in approval and get back in the dress so I don't walk half naked! With a grunt and victim mindset I get out the bathroom and straight to the door where is Charles waiting. There is a hint of amusement in his eyes and small smirk forming on his lips.

''It's not funny''

He chuckles even more and make few steps to me.

''I have to admit that I am glad I gave you my keys''

I stay watching him closely, with a smirk on his face, with my mouth parted a little at his sudden words and my eyebrows lift up. When I become aware there is silence between us I shut my mouth back again and roll my shoulders back.

''It's not gonna happen again''

I said it more with a threatening undertone and reached for the knob to leave this place. His place.

All I hear on my way out is ''What a shame''

#charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you

[scoobydoodean]

first off, i fully agree with what you’ve said about why those specific memories of sam’s were shown to them! but i’ve been trying (and kinda failing) to figure out why those ones of dean’s memories were shown, like if there’s a reason beyond the comparison of: dean’s are with his family vs sam’s are not. do you think that’s really it, that comparison, or have you seen any other deeper layers/meanings to the memories chosen for dean? (hope this makes sense lol)

context

I think the memory in the field with the fireworks is for contrast. Sam doesn't see that one. It represents to Dean not only his fondness for his little brother, but also what he was willing to do just to make Sam happy. The fireworks Dean bought weren't just your standard Roman Candles or bottle rockets. He bought expensive types that create major light shows in the sky, and those aren't cheap, and we know John didn't help because Sam implies he wouldn't have approved—which means Dean also risked doing this behind John's back and possibly facing some kind of punishment for drawing attention or wasting money. It also represents Dean trying his hardest to make holidays happy and normal for Sam (these fireworks were shot on 4th of July). When he locates Sam immediately after, it's enjoying a major holiday at someone else's house, because (from Dean's perspective) Dean's attempts weren't good enough no matter how hard he tried.

As for the memory with Mary—which is the Dean memory that Sam gets to see—I think it helps to suppose that if Sam's memories are intended to tell Dean something, Dean's memories are meant to tell Sam something. In the Mary memory, we see that twinge of loss—and maybe not quite envy—but some form of grief from Sam when Dean gets to enjoy that memory with Mary in their old house and Sam doesn't. Sam tries to speak to Mary, but she can't see him. Those happy memories are something Sam isn't able to touch, and I think that colors his response later when Dean asks why all his memories are being away from their family. Sam jumps to "I didn't get the crust cut off my PB&J" because he's still thinking about and grieving that loss, and is probably wondering if he'd have that desire for tenderness that's so present in Dean's interactions with Mary, if Sam had ever gotten the chance to know her as a mom.

Like—contrary to fanon narrative, in the actual show Supernatural, there is a tenderness in Dean that simply isn't that present in Sam's interactions with others up to season 5. Sam loves their family, and his sense of filial piety in particular becomes very strong (see: 2.02, 2.05, actual Sam in 2.20, 4.19, 5.13), but he primarily thinks of family by season 5 as a source of security, strength, and built-in community in a world where most "normal" connections aren't possible. See what he tells "Adam" in 4.19:

Being a hunter isn't a job, Adam. It's life. You're pre-med. You got a girlfriend, friends? Not anymore you don't. If you're really gonna do this, you can't have those kinds of connections, ever. They're weaknesses. You'll just put those people in danger, get them killed. That's the price we pay. You cut 'em out, and you don't look back. There's only one thing you can count on. Family.

In his interactions with "Adam", he focuses on teaching him the ropes. In his interactions with found family like Bobby, he avoids the hard conversations riddled with painful emotions and risk of seeing someone get hurt/killed and focuses on the mission. When he can tell Dean isn't doing well in season 2 and 4, he pushes Dean to open up then flips the narrative to wanting Dean to get over it as soon as he knows what's going on. He isn't actually a very (genuinely) tender person by default up to this point. So maybe he sees a connection between Dean's capacity for tenderness and desire for tenderness and their mother's affections when Dean was a child, and thinks "Well I didn't get that, and that's why I'm like this." Neither he nor Dean actually ever clock that Zachariah is leading them to the specific memories he wants them to see.

#angels lie #mail #angels and demons lie #zachariah #the flannel business #sams envy #5.16 #season 5 #mary #sam and isolation

[mustangs-flames]

Rereading the series!! I am now going to. brain rot about this funky little man. God I love the blurriness between Cesar and It. Like. At what point does It become Cesar? Where do you draw the line? Because if someone had all your memories, your face, your name, everything except your personality, is that you or is that someone else? Because It technically knows everything about Cesar, but never having lived it out is such a strange thing. It's like trying to act like a person after having read their biography, but even then you'd still be able to act like them because one has experienced pain, and hardship, and struggle. I think it's more similar to a person who knows all the theory of art trying to replicate Michelangelo's style. No matter how hard one tries, one does not have the muscle memory, or the experience that Michelangelo has accumulated over his many years of art. Even if it were to be replicated, it would lack the life that the original had. So what's the point of trying to replicate a piece, when you can cultivate your own? But alt!cesar has only ever known tracing, and stealing, not in a bad way, simply in an instinctive way, the way we would not call a tiger something evil for killing a deer. It does what it was supposed to do, but where did the lines blur? Where do the lines blur???? God this is so interesting. It is Cesar, but it is not Cesar. Cesar's personality entwines with that strange canvas of knowledge, forming this amalgamation of an entity- not the person it mimics, but not itself either. What is it? It is like a sculpture of Cesar, the weeping angel that moves closer when you do not look. Made to depict human life, but still lifeless. No matter how lifelike a sculpture may be, it will never have that essence of human life that the person that it depicts does. If you are a sculpture of another being, then what are you? Neither the being nor an entity of your own. God I am sorry this is just very hard for me to comprehend so I am brain dumping to you in hopes to make it make sense in my head. So far I think the sculpture metaphor works the best for alt!cesar, not the person you are depicting, but not yourself, either. You don't have your own personality- you're just there to show. Show the Morningstar, probably. Show them (im not sure what pronouns the Morningstar uses) what, exactly? I'm going to have to figure that out but dear lord this is so interesting and I have never had so much fun analysing something in a long while. God I can barely imagine the horror Mark feels towards alt!Cesar, considering he's completely convinced this thing took his best friends face to torment him. Good lord, like give the silly guy a rest... damn..... I'm excited to see their dynamic post the revelation, and how mark takes it. (probably not well lmfao. I doubt he'll ever take it well. Yikes. Like, extreme Yikes.)

Augh, I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this :/

Yeah, I'm really excited to explore alt!Cesar's identity crisis in Part 6. Because it's such a strange existence. He doesn't know what he is anymore, but he knows he doesn't want to be Cesar. He doesn't view himself as such and yet he has all these memories and feelings and thoughts, and just how much of it comes from the person he replaced? It's no wonder he decides to take it all out on Mark, because it's easier to hate someone and blame them for everything than sit and think things through - especially because the deer doesn't foster an environment safe enough for alt!Cesar to even do that in.

And it doesn't help that Mark views him as an extension of Cesar - of being no better than a puppeted version of his best friend's corpse. Thatcher and Dave are able to be more emotionally detached from that side of it - because they never knew the real Cesar. Thatcher only ever met him in relation to the case and Dave never met him at all.

Plus Dave and alt!Cesar make a connection a little easier, because Mark hated Dave too for a while. Dave exists as a representation that a healthier relationship with Mark can happen. alt!Cesar just needs to put in the effort and realise that these things take time and that he ultimately has to be okay with the fact that Mark may never accept him at all, because he isn't obligated to.

#hail true body au #mustang answers! #htb alt!cesar #htb mark #htb dave #htb thatcher #a lot going on with alt!cesar in part 6. poor guy needs a hug #manipulated and grappling with humanity all by himself with another alternate that constantly reminds him that he's broken and a failure #he needs a fucking hug :(

[reds-fluff-extravaganza]

LOOK, I don't know if this is gonna make sense, but it's cute to me, so here ya go just in case u like it

Glitchy Red x a Reader who's now trapped in the game after releasing him. Like, once they both were finally besties and Reader managed to help him... Now the tables have turned

So now it's time for our baby boy to help his friend >:3

I mean, he already has the knowledge, and now he also has the power since he's free, so I doubt it would be too difficult for him to save his friend (and possible love interest but that's another story-)

Btw this isn't supposed to be connected to my other Glitchy request, just saying in, just in case uwu

Finally, I don't have a pokemon quote but... Puns about Cubone are usually humerus (ba dum tsss)

- Fairy Anon 🧚🏻‍♀️

I am living for these requests, thank you. Also I hope this is okay/makes some sense

"Alright, Glitchy Red, are you ready to give this a try?"

"I'm ready when you are, Y/n." You nodded as you set your gameboy to the side. Ever since you received Glitchy Red's cartridge from a nearby game store which sold older games, and finding out about him and his past, you were determined to help him. Glitchy Red was unsure about this at first, considering he did not exactly trust you and had initially thought you were going to throw his cartridge away or give it up to someone else. However, when you did not do any of those things, he was actually quite relieved, and hopeful that you were going to help him like you had promised.

After two years of searching for answers, you two were pretty close to giving up, until you ended up finding a possible solution. You didn't want to get your hopes up too quickly, but you had written it down in a journal in your room, as well as saving the site you had gotten the information from, as a just in case it did actually work and you needed it again for whatever reason. How this person had an idea of what you were attempting, not even you knew. Hey, you can't be too careful. Now you two were going to give it a try, hoping that it would work.

"I hope this works..." You mumbled as you attempted a sequence of button presses and a few other things as you read the words you had written down on your journal. Once you were done, you looked back down at the screen of the gameboy to see if anything had changed.

"Anything?" You asked. Glitchy Red looked around, seeing no changes.

"No, nothing yet. Maybe we need to wait?"

"Oh, sure, let's give it a moment." You waited for a few moments to a few minutes, but still nothing.

"Damn, I really thought we were onto something there." You sighed softly, crossing your arms.

"I guess it's back to the drawing board- wait what is that?" You noticed the screen of the gameboy was glowing more so than usual, which was odd since this required the use of a flashlight to actually see the screen.

"I have no idea what you're seeing, but I feel... different, I can't explain it." Before you could say anything else, the whole room was filled with the same white light, causing you to shield your eyes. When you uncovered your eyes, however, you found yourself... not in your bedroom.

"Where the hell am I?" You rubbed your eyes, looking around the area, which looked rather familiar to you. It then hit you: where was Glitchy Red? "Glitchy Red?!" You suddenly called out, looking for your friend in a bit of a panic.

"Y/n?" You heard him, but you couldn't see him. That is, until you looked up towards the "sky" only to find that your little experiment worked!... sort of.

"Hey, you're finally out of the game!"

"That may be true, but now you're trapped inside." Glitchy Red sounded rather worried about this, not wanting you to be trapped inside the game like he had been.

"I... don't want you to be trapped in there because of me." He was thinking of the worst case scenarios, that you wouldn't be able to leave the game, that he would end up back in there with you, that-

"Red." He looked down at the screen. You only called him that when you were being serious or when you wanted to get his attention.

"Yes..?"

"Stop thinking like that. I'll get out of here, and I'm going to show you everything that I had promised to show you, and spend all the time with you that I possibly can! I got you out, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but now you're in the game."

"So? Now that we've figured out how to get you out, if we just do it again, then I should get out too!"

"and if we end up in this situation again? But I'm back in the game and we're back in our original situation?"

"Then we'll keep searching! We will keep looking until we're both out out there, together." Glitchy Red chuckled a bit, shaking his head.

"Alright, I trust you."

"Great! Now let me out of here! Look for my journal, I have it written in there." He nodded and looked around your room, which he had seen parts of here and there from when you carried your gameboy around to show him around. He looks around and finds your journal on the floor and picks it up.

"Alright, let's give this another try." You waited patiently as Glitchy Red input the button combination and other things you had done to get him out. Once he finished, he set the journal and gameboy down, waiting. After a few minutes of waiting, the bright white light filled the room once more, causing both of you to cover your eyes. After the light faded, you uncovered your eyes to find yourself back in your room, with Glitchy Red beside you.

"Y/n?" You heard him say before uncovering his eyes, which you couldn't really see from the shadow of his hat. You smiled and pulled him into a hug, which caused him to flinch in response as you had caught him off guard.

"I... I can't believe it worked." Glitchy Red hugged you back, a faint smile on his face.

"I'm glad it worked." You nodded in agreement, the two of you not letting go from the hug. You knew you would be like this for a while, but you didn't mind. You were happy that Glitchy Red was now out of the game and here with you, and vice versa.

#pokemon creepypasta #pokemon creepypastas #pokepasta #pokepastas #sfw #anonymous #glitchy red #pokemon creepypasta glitchy red #pokepasta glitchy red #glitchy red pokepasta #glitchy red/reader #glitchy red x reader #x reader #reader insert #fluff #fluff oneshot #x reader oneshot #oneshot

[love-beyond-space-war]

If your requests are still open could it be damon vaird x read where there's jealousy involved it could be either damn or reader being jealous which eventually ends up with one of them confessing (blurting out) their feelings

I'm always one for jealous characters, especially Baird! Hope you like this short story of Baird being jealous about Cole :) Takes place in no specific Gear game. Sorry that I missed the blurting out feelings part, it didn't fit Baird in the fic :(

On My Nerves

Jealous! Damon Baird x Reader

Synopsis: Baird is tired of hearing you talk about Cole for about the thousandth time. Sometimes he wishes you'd show him that same adoration.

Content Warnings: Romantic Pairing, Gender-Neutral Reader/Male Character, Jealousy, Implications of Reader/Cole in a more platonic sense, Kissing.

"Man, I used to watch Cole Train play all the time. I'm surprised I even got to meet him, in the military no less!"

Baird grit his teeth but said nothing. He never really wanted to admit it but hearing you talk about Cole in such a way made his blood boil. Sure, Cole is cool and all, almost everyone knows him for his Thrashball career.

Baird just wishes you'd praise him in the same way since you're so close.

Baird gets it, Cole is a friendly and lovable person that draws others in. While Baird is the opposite and drives people away. It's expected that you'd take to Cole more than him.

Maybe he's just being insecure.

"Yeah, cool... I've been friends with him for years." Baird answers in a dismissive tone. You then continue on to talk about how big of a fan you are and how you've been hanging around him more often. Baird feels a weight in his gut as he listens in.

Did you like Cole more than a fan and friend? The thought that you may like Cole in a more romantic sense makes Baird ill. Yet... the signs are there.

"So what? Are you asking me to set you up on a little date? Is that it?" Baird finds himself snapping. The sudden bark in his voice shuts down your rant. He only feels more frustrated when your face flushes.

"I-... No, Baird. Me and Cole are just friends. I don't think I like him like that." You defend yourself. Baird turns to you with an unimpressed gaze.

"Really now? If you don't like him in such a way why do you speak about him with such adoration." Baird frowns. "You speak of him like he's so cool and hot or something. Always talking about him like he's the only thing that occupies your mind!"

You stare at your friend confused by his sudden outburst. He looks so angry. Did you... say something to upset him? Did Cole upset him somehow?

"Did something happen between you two?" You ask and Baird just about loses it with a sigh.

"No, not between him. I just can't stand to listen to you talk about him like some messiah anymore! He's not that great... he gets all of the attention by just being him." Baird vents, trying to calm his nerves. It's then you notice the last thing he said and feel your heart beat.

Truth is, you never had a crush on Cole. Cole and you were just friends and you happened to be a fan of him. You thought sharing your respect for Cole would connect you with Baird, the one you actually have feelings for.

Turns out you only made him jealous...

Which isn't that bad since it confirms your thoughts."

"Baird." You get his attention, the blonde's gaze glaring into you. "I see what's wrong now."

"Do you now?" Baird sighs, rolling his eyes.

"You're jealous I'm not praising you." You grin playfully.

There's silence between you as Baird feels his heart quicken.

"What makes you say that...?" Baird asks, scoffing.

"You're mad because I'm bringing up Cole. That's why you suggested the date, right?" You continue, walking closer to him. "If anything there's only one person I'd want to date and it isn't Cole."

"Is there someone else on your mind now?" Baird sighs.

"Yes." You say curtly, standing right in front of him. "You!"

There's another long pause of silence with Baird staring at you. It's then you take the time to slide a hand under his chin and pull him down to kiss you. Quickly Baird gives in, not fighting the sudden affection.

"So you finally caught on?" Baird murmurs when you pull away. Before you can fully pull apart from him he keeps his hands on your waist, pulling closer.

"Truth is, I liked you for awhile. I just couldn't figure out how to say it." You confess, laying your head on his chest.

"Is it because I'm difficult to talk to?" Baird asks.

"Partially." You snicker.

"Guess I can't blame you for that...." Baird sighs.

"As much as I like Cole..." you hum. "You are really intelligent and skilled when it comes to tech and explosives. You've helped the team more than once. Truthfully... Delta wouldn't be what it is without you."

"Hey! Where was that praise before, huh?" Baird frowns and you giggle.

"I was too shy to say."

"Bull." Baird grumbles before you kiss him again.

"Well... now that the cat's out of the bag..." You coo when you pull away, nuzzling into his neck. "Should we make things official?"

"I want to wait a bit..." Baird whispers, squeezing you closer as he leans towards your ear. "I want to just feel you in my arms right now... just to know you're mine."

"Of course, Baird." You laugh again softly. "I'll always be yours...."

With that you sit with Baird in silence, an emotional weight being lifted off both of you

#gears of war baird x reader #gears of war x reader #gears x reader #damon baird x reader #x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #gears cole x reader #augustus cole x reader implied

[addictedtostorytelling]

I’ve been doing a bit of a csi watch lately and i’ve just finished blood drops. It really is such a close parallel to sara’s own past. I think at the time, they perhaps didnt know quite what was going on with sara’s past or maybe hadn’t narrowed down details - i don’t know writer decisions! But watching back, i think its a shame that this ep was done so early because itcould have provided such a fantastic thing for sara once her background was more well established - or perhaps, as the gateway for her bg to be told. Either could have worked well. Not that i want to see her suffer more, but from a storytelling pov i think it could have been interesting for this ep to play out in a later season and really affect sara, have her experience flashbacks or panic and back out of the scene. Basically for it to be clear that something about this scene is really getting to her. It could be we already know as the details of her situation have already been said, so we can draw an obvious connection, or that we don’t and upon asking why she’s so affected, she explains. Either way it also would have been prime gsr material, as gil could comfort her. It also might have been a good oppertunity for someone other than gil to do so, perhaps catherine or greg, since most of sara’s show of /healing of trauma is gil related. It would have been nice to see support (knowing support) come from somewhere else.

Bit of a ramble, sorry! Hope it made sense aaaa! Suppose i was just wondering if you felt the same in that the episode was so perfect that it might have been better used further down the line, rather than at the start of season 1? <3

hi, anon!

i can definitely see where you’re coming from and think that experimenting with the premises you put forward in your ask—i.e., moving the events of the episode back in the timeline and/or using them as an inroad to explore sara’s trauma in more detail—could be really fun in a fic setting.

that said, in canon, i'm pretty okay with episode 01x07 “blood drops” occurring both when and how it does.

i don’t consider it a wasted opportunity.

if you're interested in my reasoning, i've got it after the "keep reading."

__

so.

every story has to start somewhere, and, the way i see things, episode 01x07 “blood drops” provides the right start to sara’s trauma arc.

to me, the point of that episode (sara-wise) is to introduce the sense that there is something going on with her beneath the surface but not to fully elucidate what that something is as of yet.

to that point in s1, the sara we’ve seen has been ambitious about her cases and somewhat brusque with her new colleagues, with the exception of grissom, whom she softens around. while she hasn’t been dispassionate by any means and has even at times shown some emotional vulnerability—like in episode 01x03 “crate n’ burial,” when finding the “victim” buried alive causes her to despair the cruelty of people—there hasn’t, until now, been any sense that her reactions have been anything more than just the normal kinds of beats for a compassionate, justice-minded investigator.

episode 01x07 “blood drops” is where we see that assumption challenged.

a first crack in the armor.

it is the initial leg in a narrative that is meant to be a marathon, not a sprint, and it succeeds in its objective of kicking off that distance race, showing that what is happening to brenda clearly strikes a personal chord with sara, provoking an emotional response beyond even what the tragedy of the case might be expected to elicit from her, though not explaining wherefore, leaving that explanation off to be expounded on later, in subsequent episodes and seasons.

i think the episode does its job when you watch it through the first time: it makes you (along with grissom) go, “what’s going on here? what's driving sara's behavior?”

but then the real beauty of the thing is when you rewatch it again after having seen episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” and you can see, in retrospect, all of those parallels and connections, the way the one story informs the other.

imo, the episode isn’t any less significant to sara’s arc or any less revealing of her because it happens early on in the timeline. the parallel isn’t less effective because it works reaching backward from episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” to episode 01x07 “blood drops” as opposed to going in the other direction.

it still exists. it's still recognizable. it still informs our understanding of sara’s story.

the necessary information is all there; it’s just sublimated.

like a fossil buried beneath the surface of the earth, with only just one tiny fragment of bone sticking out, the shape and size of what’s there will become more apparent upon further excavation.   

while the writers didn’t know sara's full story at that point—according to ann donahue and josh berman, they first started to piece together what would eventually become sara’s canonical backstory circa the writing of episode 01x10 “sex, lies, & larvae”—they did know enough to show that her reaction to the case (and, specifically, to brenda) wasn’t just the normal compassion of an investigator but rather something more deeply personal, pressing up against some very raw nerves for her. they also knew enough to make grissom her touchpoint—the character who is on the receiving end of her belligerent, aloof weirdness at the crime scene and who most noticeably reacts to her uncomfortable jokes at the team meeting.

and in doing so, they set a precedent, laying the foundations for both sara’s character and the gsr relationship.

though neither grissom as a character in the story nor we as the audience outside of it yet realize as much at the time when the events of episode 01x07 "blood drops" are taking place, with repeated exposure, both he and we come to recognize that that abrasiveness in sara, that in-your-faceness, that poke-the-bear behavior, is actually what a trauma response looks like from her.

we’ll see it time and time again with her in subsequent episodes such as 01x10 “sex, lies, & larvae,” 01x16 “too tough to die,” 01x23 “the strip strangler,” 03x14 “one hit wonder,” 04x03 “homebodies,” and 04x23 “bloodlines,” until finally we get to its most blatant example, episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” which serves as the climax to the storyline—and the point at which grissom has finally accumulated enough evidence to draw a conclusion about sara and approach her with it, showing up on her doorstep to say, "here's what i know, now please tell me the rest. i promise i'll be gentle with it."

by then, that moment of revelation is a thoroughly earned one, both for sara as an individual character—because after so long spent desperately trying to keep this huge, painful secret, to the point of alienating everyone she cares about from her, she is finally at a place where she just can’t anymore; she doesn’t want to; she needs to give voice to those memories and name the terrible thing; to confide in someone—and for grissom and sara as a couple—because for all of his many missteps over the years, something grissom has always done right is that he has consistently shown up for sara, proving to her through his patience, persistence, and refusal to allow her to push him away that he cares about her unconditionally and that he wants to be there for her, come what may.

the fact that episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” brings not only that moment of catharsis for sara but also paves the way for grissom and sara’s romantic relationship in vegas is so narratively satisfying; a culmination of so many plot threads, finally woven together.

and the way i see things, we might not have gotten to the moment of sara tearfully telling the story of her family tragedy to grissom as he sits across from her on her living room sofa in 2005 had he not first witnessed her acting ~off~ about the child survivor of a domestic homicide case back in 2000, you know?

episode 01x07 “blood drops” was that first domino to topple over.

and as for the issue of the sara never letting more people than just grissom in on her trauma of her own volition, honestly? i don’t necessarily see that part of the story needing to change, either.

we can discuss the healthiness or unhealthiness of sara’s decision to only ever (of her own volition) confide in just one person about her trauma elsewise, but at the end of the day it’s true to her character that she would never choose to open up about her childhood to her wider circle of friends.

given her private nature, her deep-seated fears of rejection, the way she trusts, what intimacy really means for her, how she wants to portray herself in public, how close to the surface her emotions run, how deep the pain of her trauma really is, how she attempts to cope, what her aspirations are for herself, etc., etc., that behavior on her part just tracks.

i likewise don't regret the fact we never get any flashbacks to sara's childhood (barring the audio ones in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls") or see her having the "classic tv panic attack" because i think her trauma is clearly articulated as is; what is implied is implied well enough.

i actually appreciate that her trauma responses are different (and even less straightforwardly "sympathetic") than the ones more frequently portrayed in media, as not all ptsd looks the same and some responses are quieter and harder to clock—more on the level of changes to the demeanor, isolation from others, engaging in risk-taking behaviors, etc.

so.

like i said up front: i could imagine some really interesting fics that might involve moving the events of episode 01x07 “blood drops” to occur later on sara’s timeline, using them either to directly precipitate her first confession regarding her past or to follow up on it (a la episode 05x21 “committed” in canon). i can likewise imagine some really interesting fics that made the episode more sara and/or gsr-centric and/or where other characters than grissom became involved in responding to sara’s behavior. there could be lots of cool storytelling avenues to explore along those lines.

@bartramcat used to wish we could have gotten an episode 01x07 "blood drops" callback featuring a teenage or young adult brenda collins in the later seasons of the show, maybe in place of the storyline we got in episode 15x12 "dead woods," and i can see how that option could be a very intriguing one to fic, as well.

but ultimately i'm glad to have the episode as is in canon.

of all of the complaints i have about writing decisions on csi, the way sara’s s1-s5 trauma arc plays out isn’t generally one of them. i think both its pacing and the way sara is characterized as behaving throughout works. ditto for the gsr aspect.

your mileage may—and from the sounds of things, probably does—vary, but, personally, i'm satisfied leaving episode 01x07 “blood drops” as is.

anyway.

i'm rambling now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #** #my meta #meta: csi #meta: sara #hypothetical scenario #01x07 #csiverse #let's talk shop

[bylerspookie]

listen, I'm a gay Mike truther

but if they go the bi Mike route, I wouldn't mind at all, but if that's the case, I hope they play it out like this post:

actually, even the gay Mike route would be nice to unfold in this way- both of them feel guilty, they're in the same position, and then they finally communicate properly, and they're pleased to find out that they're not alone, and that maybe, if they don't feel anything for eachother, they're probably just not meant to be together

and maybe Eleven talks to him about Will and his painting, and there's a big realization moment for Mike, where he's like, "oh shit- I'm dumb" LMAOO

but that's one of my theories for the van scene

remember how oblivious he was?

and remember how Finn said that, "it would pay off" ?

well, the only way oblivious Mike would "pay off", now that I think of it, is if he wasn't actually oblivious and just too scared to come to terms with his feelings, or maybe his head was just running with thoughts about, "does this mean he likes me?" but he was just too scared to be wrong

but the thing is, Mike's character is literally set up as "totally oblivious" (according to Dustin) SINCE SEASON 1

so how would this pay off?

because as I said in this post:

Mike's expressions, movements, and even breathing are of someone who is understanding what Will is saying

how would a straight man, understand what a queer man is saying (but using the straight man's girlfriend as a cover) lmfao that makes no sense right?

but then again, Finn says Mike would be better off if he just opened his ears and listened

I think Mike has been too focused on himself being queer, and his internal struggles, that he hasn't even realized how obvious his friends struggles are

we see him in that last scene, before Will cries, he smiles (it looks fake for once) and nods, and then we see him look at the painting for like a full 2 minutes

just as Will said to Mike about El's letter, the painting isn't gonna magically change into the answer you're looking for, Mike

I think in this scene, despite Mike being an oblivious character, I think he was piecing things together (Mike's character is very good at that), and he was so focused on the millions of thoughts in his head that was he couldn't think straight and help his friend out, because he was genuinely having his own internal battle

what I would kill to see an unblurred version of his face when Will is crying, because we see him look directly at Will, like?

and then he looks back at the picture

he's thinking about something, clearly

because when Will says to Mike "El told me what to draw. She commissioned it, basically."

his smile drops

and listen, at this point, we know Mike doesn't love El

but it's still Will's painting, you'd think he would still be slightly happy?

but I think in this scene, he has a moment of realization, he remembered El's letter

or maybe he was like, "wait, why do I remember something else in El's letter?"

and he was just trying so hard to remember El's letter and peice together the full story

and maybe he did

maybe he didn't

but all I'm saying is, it looks like Mike is going through all emotions in the span of a few minutes

he's happy

he's neutral

he's confused (miketober flashbacks)

his breath hitches

he's happy again

he looks like he's in love

he's sad

he's confused and happy

he's trying to be happy?

I think this is what Finn meant when he said that scene was really hardest to film, because god, imagine how many different expressions he had to make? and how he had to act oblivious? and how the lighting had to be perfect? they said they used up a whole day to shoot just that one scene, like, hello???

anyway, but yeah, this is kinda messy and I'm kind've just rambling because like yeah but

lmao

#byler analysis #byler #byler is canon #byler is endgame #byler is real #byler nation #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #stranger things #mike wheeler is a boy kisser #the babygirlification of mike wheeler #mike wheeler is babygirl #mike wheeler is queer #mike wheeler is in love with will byers #will byers is gay #will byers

[rivensdefenseattorney]

The Rewrite is Live!

Happy New Years!

I hope everyone is doing well during this holiday season, and that the new year treats you well.

I finally figured out how to get on Ao3 to post the first chapter of the rewrite. I know it's the preferred site for many, but I can also look into posting it on alternative sites, such as Wattpad/FFN/etc. , if anyone is interested.

You can check out the first chapter here.

I feel like I still want to continue editing the chapter, but I need to move forward. I wanted to start the new year out by posting the first chapter, so I can track how much progress I make. Hopefully you all like it. I'll post a snippet of the fanfic here, so you'll know what to expect.

__

[Snippet]

Stella helped her Bloom up the steps and into the warmth of her home. Stella guided Bloom to her room, noticing the walls adorned with framed photographs of landscapes and bustling cityscapes. "Did you make these?" Stella asked, marveling at their detail.

Bloom nodded. "Yeah, I love photography. It's a way to capture moments, tell stories without words."

As they entered Bloom's room, Stella carefully helped her settle onto the edge of her bed, her eyes flitting around the space in fascination. Bloom's room was a cozy haven, with a desk adorned with sketches and bookshelves filled with various novels, comics, and journals. Among them, a collection of books on mythical creatures stood prominently on one shelf.

"Oh, these are just some silly sketches I did," Bloom murmured, a hint of embarrassment tinging her words as she noticed Stella's gaze sweeping across her drawings.

Stella, however, was fascinated. Her eyes twinkled with curiosity as she scanned the shelves and plucked a book about mermaids, flipping through its pages with interest.

"These are mythical creatures, right?" Stella inquired, her gaze shifting from the book to Bloom's sketches.

Bloom nodded hesitantly, a touch of self-consciousness in her demeanor. "Yeah, they're creatures from folklore and myths. I've always been fascinated by them, but I know they're not real."

Stella tilted her head, intrigued. "Actually, they are."

Bloom blinked in surprise, taken aback by Stella's response. "What do you mean? They're just stories."

"Stories based on real beings," Stella clarified, her eyes glinting with amusement. "Mermaids, dragons, fairies... they exist in our realm."

Bloom's jaw dropped slightly, stunned by Stella's revelation. "You're joking, right?"

Stella shook her head, a gentle smile on her face. "I'm serious. In the realm where I come from, these creatures are very much real. It's incredible to see your sketches of them. You have a unique talent to capture their essence."

Bloom's eyes widened in wonder and disbelief. For years, her fascination with mythical creatures was a private passion she believed to be purely imaginative. To hear Stella affirm their existence filled her with a sense of validation and joy she hadn't experienced before.

"You're the first person who's ever said something like that," Bloom admitted, a sparkle of excitement lighting up her features.

Stella grinned, delighted to share this newfound connection. "Well, believe me, there's a whole world of magic out there waiting to be discovered. Your drawings... they're like glimpses into our reality."

Bloom couldn't contain her grin, a rush of happiness swelling within her. Finally, someone else understood her fascination with the mystical world, validating her lifelong belief in magic. It was a connection she cherished, knowing that she wasn't alone in her fascination.

Stella joined Bloom on her bed, allowing her to feel an unusual sense of ease as she confided in Stella. Her gaze drifted to the window, where the soft moonlight filtered in, casting a serene glow across the room.

"You know, Stella," Bloom began, her voice carrying a contemplative tone, "I've never quite felt like I truly belong here on Earth. It's always felt... small, you know? Limited. There's this constant feeling, this certainty, that there's something more out there waiting for me."

Stella listened intently, her eyes reflecting understanding and empathy. She nodded gently, encouraging Bloom to share more.

"I've dreamt of something bigger, something beyond this world," Bloom continued, her words tinged with a hint of longing. "And now, with all this talk of magic and other realms... it's like a door has been opened to that possibility."

Stella placed a comforting hand on Bloom's shoulder. "Sometimes, feeling out of place is just a sign that there's a different path waiting for you, one that resonates more with who you truly are."

Bloom offered a small smile, grateful for Stella's understanding. "Thank you, Stella. I need some time to process all of this. Can you do me a favor and tell Ms. Faragonda that I'll have an answer for her by the end of the month?"

Stella nodded in agreement. "Of course, Bloom. I'll convey your message to her. But I should probably start heading out soon. Your parents might be worried about you."

Bloom glanced at the clock and realized the lateness of the hour. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks again, Stella. For everything."

As Stella made her way to the door, she turned back to Bloom with a reassuring smile. "Take your time, Bloom. You'll know what's right for you when the time comes, and remember, you're never alone in this."

#winx rewrite #winx #winx club #winx club fanfiction #winx fanfic #winx club fanfic #winx club rewrite #winx stella #winx bloom

[envy-and-pride]

Maiden Rose & Berserk - The Authors who just Couldn't Do It

I've been complaining ever since Inariya Fusanosuke went out of hiatus a couple years ago that her story is stagnating too much.

Before her hiatus the story was progressing at its own back and forth, "toying with it" pace. The whole point of the story was to get Taki to a place where he could move past his learned social inhibitions and enjoy his sex life and relationship with Klaus, someone who gives exactly 0 shit about the superbly and uselessly complex social expectations of Japan Taki's homeland.

So there's a lot of back and forth, we see first how Taki and Klaus even become entangled in the first place, we see them explore, we see Taki getting vaguely tempted and just indulging and discovering, then it's return to the homeland "back to being inhibited" mode, and we see Taki hiding big time and Klaus banging at the door trying to get him out.

This part of the story is pretty much the author's consciousness going around and toying with the idea of coming out, getting close to the idea, refusing (and thus being repelled away), and then getting back to the idea anyway. That's why she has Klaus always come back to Taki anyway.

But then, that's not the only story with the same back and forth "I just can't fucking commit" kind of dynamic. Berserk had the exact same problem, and that problem was so damn bad, the entire story got completely discontinued, until finally the author simply died.

In my opinion, Berserk was about a pretty similar process as in Maiden Rose: opening up, and transcending something that's holding you down. For Taki/the author, that's social sexual inhibitions. For Guts/Kentaro Miura, that was also his own sex issues and being able to open up and connect to someone from that level.

Berserk goes just a little farther than Maiden Rose, in that Kentaro Miura went and stared down what he was supposed to do right in the face.

In chapter 46 to 47, we have Guts enjoying a nice little flashback and nervous breakdown of his own traumas.

But I couldn't help but sense that there was a pulling away on his end when he did, specifically exactly at the moment Guts moved away from Casca after he ended up strangling her.

Guts had that one job of connecting to his chosen love interest, the female character created almost literally for that purpose, but when the time came for it, I feel like he just, backed away. Like he was just repelled away from the issue and he just ultimately couldn't do it.

Straight after that the entire story basically goes to shit and Casca is sidelined in the most disgusting, and my god unrealistic way possible, and she remains sidelined up until this day. With the author being dead, it's unlikely anything else will come out of it.

At the end of the day, these are and were two authors trying to approach seriously crippling and traumatic stuff. I'd be willing to bet the author of Maiden Rose went through some form of sexual trauma, and I'm fairly almost 100% sure Kentaro Miura also went through something even more straightforward. It doesn't surprise me that the author with the heaviest load died with the story unfinished, and that he couldn't approach the subject anymore after attempting it the first time.

That being said, it's seriously fucking frustrating from a story-telling and narrative point of view. Watching Casca getting grossly sidelined and treated the way she was all of the sake of not approaching the topic again I felt was disgusting. And waiting around while Inariya Fusanosuke keeps using violence to draw out her own desires is making me want to ask "well, I get it, but when will you be getting to it, then? When will you finally get to the point?"

Although, regarding Maiden Rose, with the latest chapter's showdown between Klaus and Suguri where Suguri asks Klaus to take Taki away if he ever was to lose himself in all of the politicking, I'm having hope for the story to finally be going somewhere—it seems even the author can sniff herself making a bad decision she doesn't want make, and already promising herself to take her self-insert away if it'd ever get to that.

While I completely get their inability to approach the very subject they created their story for: healing, I just also seriously wish they'd come to terms with what they need to face, and would finally put the matter to rest once and for all.

#maiden rose #hyakujitsu no bara #inariya fusanosuke #berserk #kentaro miura #writing #anyway I'm saying all this but if I had a published story to show for myself I'd also put myself right on that list

[letitrain-letitsnow-letitgo]

xoxo, toffee 

pov: you’re dolores madrigal and you’ve been emailing someone for a while, and you really like him, but you also really vibe with your long-time gaming buddy and you have a little routine with him every morning 

a dolores madrigal playlist, with a juno focus

@haveyoumet-dolores @moon-yeongjun

[listen here]

Tracklist! This one has a bit of a chronological order to it

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michealson

If you are chilly, here take my sweater. If your head is aching, I'll make it better. 'Cause I love the way you call me "baby". And you take me the way I am.

I knew this song would immediately be on my Lo playlist, because it’s all about trying to find someone who will take you the way you are, with all your little weird quirks! 

Pleasant Memory (Penny)

I know Jun’s Stardew Valley dream girl is Abigail, but Lo has a lot of Penny vibes (quiet, teacher, etc). And this gentle song fits her!

Would You Be So Kind? — Dodie

Oh, would you be so kind As to fall in love with me? You see, I'm trying I know you know that I like you But that's not enough So if you will Please fall in love

This just feels very Lo, especially when she was single and looking for someone to fall in love with!!

Anyone At All - Carole King

You could have been anyone at all An old friend falling out of the blue I'm so glad it was you

This is the song from You’ve Got Mail that I blasted all throughout that event, and I think that revelation that your secret email buddy is ALSO your good friend and then that comforting feeling you feel right after, where of course, it was them and everything just makes sense….. Effervescent. 

Top of the World - The Carpenters

There is only one wish on my mind When this day is through I hope that I will find That tomorrow will be, just the same for you and me All I need will be mine if you are here

I love this song so much, I think it’s just very emblematic of finding someone you click with! It doesn’t necessarily have to be a lover, because it’s just about someone who you love to spend time with and who you’re so connected with, and I just think it’s perfect for Juno since we’ve been seeing them connect for MONTHS. 

All About Us — Owl City, He is We

And every heart in the room will melt This is a feeling I've never felt but It's all about us

The “feeling I’ve never felt” got me here. It makes sense for both of them! I just think it's very sweet.

All About Your Heart — Mindy Gledhill

You are brighter than the stars Believe me when I say It's not about your scars It's all about your heart

This is one where most of the lyrics don’t fit exactly but the line “it’s all about your heart” just felt SO Dolores to me. When I was working on this, I just kept hearing "It's all about your heart" and I knew I needed to add it

Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches

You're a part-time lover and a full time friend The monkey on your back is the latest trend I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else But you

This is the ultimate friends-to-lovers little song I think it’s so cute! AND bonus point that I did not realize till I am writing this description………… it is FROM the movie Juno

Lucky - Jason Mraz, Colbie Calliat 

They don't know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will

Listen. So many of these songs could be on my own 2010 romantic playlist. Very Twee. Very Dolores IMO. The other ultimate friends to lovers song. Yes, it’s a Glee duet, but for a GOOD REASON this song is so sweet okay. 

1, 2, 3, 4 - The Plain White T’s

It's easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4 There's only ONE thing (one) TWO do (two) THREE words (three) FOUR you... (four) (I love you) I love you

Another song from a playlist I definitely had in 2010!!!!!!!!! Bet you didn’t think you’d see the Plain White Ts ini the year 2024, but here we are. I once drew fanart of this song with some OCs. It was a cute pose so maybe one day I’ll draw Juno with it. 

#swyntask #Spotify

[madfantasy]

I just wanted to say that we all care about you. I know most of the time life sucks, but please keep being strong. I'm sure even if it doesn't look like it right now things will get better ❤🌸❤

I believe in that, but it's not comforting to hear at the moment to be honest..

I'm embarrassed to have not deleted the post because I usually just type out my frustration and save them as a draft.. but I honestly feel I'm always pushed to the end of my wits nothing makes sense..

One step forward and three back.. I cried all day while starving, you can't do that if u don't want horrible headaches

It feels like I'm living— constantly and simultaneously 2 realities, where one I'm physically at consumes my living drive and the other trying to be here, and in my mind effortlessly keeping me in bliss just to hold on to the last bits of me, it now doing art.. I know if I stopped, there's no more Mani..

I remember being a teenager+ scattering the net for any remote jobs and applying behind guardians back but never getting anything because there was no such thing as online jobs in the Eastern world and everything was USA based or a scam, I fell into 2 scams even.

Now, I only have the energy strictly to draw, anything else will kill me, there's no other way around it and I'm tired of sugar coating it

also coming to know I am different and my perception of the world is different, more and more certain of it now. And it is why no matter the culture I was thrusted into, I could not adapt, gulf culture, Shami culture, western or the general English speaking online culture, I could only feel that I'm intruding. And it's okay only when your lifelyhood or income is not through them or forced through them.. so I suppose its not okay, and because I'm trying to be social and failing, maybe that's why I'm failing too as an artist, but can't deny such things as social media quirks, luck and algorithms..

Living an isolated life is to blame as well, thanks to a balanced mixed of poverty and abuse, the last crowd encounter was durring my schooling days, slowly seeing people's faces becoming an impossible hurdle than it used to be, as I never made eye contact but was able to tolerate existing in a foreign space, now the mere thought of leaving the house reduce me into a panic driven mess.. just looking at people through a screen is already constantly hard.. I'll be thirty soon and I still have not experienced irl in a general– getting used to it– sense... I only know what common sense, documentaries and the so called reality shows have taught me.

It's so hard to consider the value of someone like me still procuring space on earth, a burden while I never wanted to be and tried anything not to be worst and feeling guilty all the time, killing me more having my siblings in the same boat...

While in the surrounding I inhibit, there's no much choices of help (unless if u willing to be humiliated for nothing) or independence anyway. Either u be wed like a stock or have deep connections or an actual good sensible family to back u..

I can not hold on much longer without hope or a breather..

Thank u so much my dears tho, thank u for making me feel heard and seen..

My greatest wish to just draw and share art and make my corner a safe haven, I fail at doing so too..

#ask #im sorry

[willowhaired]

hi! could i get a lotr or hobbit matchup please?

general info

lu, nonbinary, pansexual

looks

tall (6'2), androgynous, short black curly hair, black eyes, extremely pale skin, dressing in goth lolita and ouji style

personality

intj, mix of a kuudere and himedere, brutally honest, introverted, calm, quiet, reserved, sophisticated, polite, snarky, witty, sarcastic, blunt, apathetic, intimidating, mysterious, morbid, unfazed

hobbies

science, learning new things, fencing, knitting, gardening, cooking, baking, playing chess, taking long solitary walks to secluded places, reading, writing, drawing, sculpting, taxidermy, making clothes and jewelry

likes

plants, animals, insects and bugs, philosophy, thanatology, criminology, anthropology, psychology, mythology

history, forensics, horror media, serial killers, witchcraft, classical, goth and vkei music, classical and gothic literature, dancing, art, poetry, fashion

dislikes: people in general (i tolerate only few chosen ones), noises, mess, unannounced guests

love language

quality time and acts of service

random stuff

i have morbid sense of humor

i'm ballet dancer and figure skater

i sew most of my clothes myself

i like to sing when i'm in the mood

i can play on violin, church organ, cello, piano, guitar, and harp

people hate watching movies/cartoons with me because i'm overanalyzing everything

i like making jewelry

thanks for your time and have a wonderful fall!

hey! of course, hope you have a nice day! 😊

i ship you with Thranduil!

You passed through Mirkwood with a travelling dance performance; it was actually Legolas who begged his father to let your group perform, and, seeing that the autumn festivities had just started, it blended perfectly into the feast. The King's eyes were fixed on you - he admired your movements and felt almost enchanted by your performance. Although remaining cold and calculated, he invited you to stay in his realm. At first, you had been reluctant but soon realised that this would allow you more alone time and the opportunity to explore the woods that mesmerised you on your way in. Thus you remained at his court, enjoying a very undisturbed time - Thranduil was no fan of guests, and he often kept you around. From time to time, you were asked to train a few elves a choreography or two, but these occasions were sparse. You commented to the King that he must be keeping you around for decoration to which he replied: "The most beautiful jewels are not to be worn every day." This puzzled you, but throughout the months you had stayed there, the two of you had developed a kind of rapport that downright shocked the Elves at times. You would make sarcastic comments, and he'd be quick with a response - so, you chalked his words up to that. The truth was, he had slowly fallen for you. How could a human be so mesmerising? He used every opportunity to rest his hand on your back or to stroke your arm; at times it could border on intimacy, but never in a way that made you uncomfortable. Sitting in silence with you was comforting, and he was taken with your intelligence. It wasn't long before he started confiding in you about issues of his realm or asking for your advice. Upon learning that you liked to walk the forest on your own, he insisted on accompanying you and showed you a path no one else, but him knew about. However, he cautioned you not to wander off too far, for the woods were infested with the creatures of darkness. Soon, his own feelings became apparent to him. He feared to love someone he could lose to death and very suddenly he cut off all contact with you. This left you hurt since you had formed a strong bond with him. You felt better understood by Thraduil than anyone else and losing this connection to no cause was painful. You kept analysing your conversations, trying to find the point where you might've gone too far, or maybe if you had become too touchy with him (you allowed yourself to sometimes touch his upper arm or nudge him jokingly, but was it unacceptable by Elvish standard?). These thoughts kept you busy while walking the woods alone, often opting for the very path he had shown you - only this time, you ventured farther into the denseness of the forest. Was it inattention or anger not to heed his advice, you couldn't quite tell, but it wasn't long before you encountered the very beast he was afraid you'd meet. Before you was a huge spider, and in a second, you were stung on the neck and lost consciousness. When you came to, Thranduil was by your side. He dismissed the healers, then scolded you for leaving the borders of his land: "If you wish to leave, you first let me know." "I thought you wanted me to leave." "I would have you forever around, though my heart would ache seeing you be slowly consumed by death." He brushed a strand from your cheek and placed a kiss on your lips. He spent the rest of your days in the healing wards next to you, and after that, you were always by his side.

#lotr matchup #lord of the rings matchup #thranduil #requests open

[finniestoncrane]

Hey finnie!! Congrats on 1k!!! You deserve it!!!!

I wanted to see if you'd do no 9 for me cause I'm so curious as to who you'd pick. You know me p well by this point but I'll still tell you about myself as if ya didn't >:]

So hey, I'm a mexican-american living in socal, I work full time as a post production assistant transferring every old from of audio and video you can think of to digital and im very passionate about media conservation. I have immigrant parents so the connection to my culture isent that far off- but I grew up in Southern California and it shows. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was a teen but later was rediagnosed with DID, I also have depression and believe I am on the spectrum. I love to draw and watch film when i have the time but mostly i just listen to audiobooks because i can do that at work. I've always had to work a lot, whether it's night shifts at the warehouse, 50+ hour weeks or nightclub gigs after work I'm always doing *something*. The fact that I have to work so much bums me out a Lot and I want to explode the concept of capitalism but that doesnt stop me from taking an absurd amount of pride in being a hard worker, I get it from my dad. I don't sleep very much, people always find it strange but no matter what time I fall asleep I will wake up 4-5 hours later without alarms and still feel well-rested. Like I mentioned I read a LOT cause I do it on the job, my favorite books are true crime and horror (Grady Hendrix is my all time fave author) but I also get through a ton of history books- mainly medical and historys of conflict. I watch movies whenever I get the chance, I love horror!! It's comforting to me. Most of my favorite films are from the 70s. Oh I love getting tattoos and if I had the money for it id get one everyday, I love the feeling a lot. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music, 80s pop and goth, old punk, 60s and 70s rock, oldies, 90s grunge and reggae, 2000s emo, rap and indie, modern industrial goth, old country as well as mariachi, corridos, reggaeton and Mexican rock. Really genuinely love most kinds of music, but my fave is anything I can sing or dance to. Like I said I have DID which is a pretty big part of me but simultaneously so small, after therapy I was able to get to a place where my alters don't really front unless there's an agreement to do so and it's mostly for comfort and healing reasons now but I live most of my life with one or more riding passenger seat if that makes sense? There's always someone I can talk to or ask for advice. My ideal night out is a night dancing at some alternative club or maybe karaoke at a dinky little bar. I also love to go on drives and like going to the beach at night to lay on the sand hearing the water until I get too cold.

I think I included way more than you needed but I'd love to hear who you'd pick and why :> 🖤

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: ok this was... this one was difficult because i struggled to decide between two rogues (a variant of Mad Hatter being the other option) but i hope the decision i made was the right one💚 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

such a noble cause that you work for! and you picked a key word, because harley is deeply attracted in every sense of the word to passion. doesn't matter what it is, if you're truly passionate about it she'll follow suit

heritage and culture is so important to harley too, and her jewish heritage is often overlooked, so she understand the connection and trying to maintain it or even strengthen it. she'd be so keen to share in someone else's culture and maybe even share hers with them

harley is a trained psychologist. she's a doctor. she has a degree. so any mental health issues she's so keen to try and help, without crossing any boundaries of course. she just wants the best for the people she loves and it's in her nature to try and talk through problems and find ways to fix things or make them hurt less

i frequently headcanon harley as someone who loves drawing as a way of relaxing or as an outlet, and i think she would employ a lot of art psychotherapy tactics. most of all, sitting with you and doodling while you draw and chat about your day would make her so happy

she gets hard work. first of all, it's not easy to study to become a psycholgist. second of all, it's not easy to work in one of the more intense asylums. and third of all, wielding a hammer while looking sexy is a herculean task believe it or not. but hey, if you hate capitalism, why not join her in villainy! or better yet, leave the crime to her and you can stay at home doing nothing all day, let her spoil you!

you would get sleep with harley around. she wouldn't be above bonking you on the head to make sure you're well-rested. 4-5 hours isn't enough, she insists on it. by that point she's only just starting to feel like she's spent enough time stroking your arm and watching you snooze, she needs at least another 2 hours on top of that.

true crime and horror are such harley vibes. she seems like she would love a horror movie marathon. the gorier the better for her though, and with some amazing kill scenes! and let's be honest, some 70s horror films have amazing death scenes in them so she can get on board with that

harley has a fair few tattoos, but nothing would make her giddier with sheer excitement and love than getting a matching tattoo (or 17) with you!!

i think harley loves dancing. she's a gymnast, it's pretty close in terms of movement. she probably has immense skills, albeit untrained, in most dance styles. so any kind of music is something she can work with. and karaoke would 100% be up her street, a cheesy love ballad that you can duet on, or the classic "girls just wanna have fun", but screaming it at an insane volume while she laughs with you

it's maybe not the same thing, but harley has harleen riding sidecar with her at all times. it's not always a good thing for her, since they don't share many of the same opinions, but you'd be a good influence on her, and maybe she'd start taking advice from harleen more often

#finnie1k #finnie writes

[shipcestuous]

Regarding that last anon: There are plenty of CONSENSUAL relationships (both incest and not, IRL and fiction) that happen because both parties bond over some kind of trauma, so why do people only ever make it a problem when it's an incestuous relationship? Also, a relationship formed due to bonding over trauma does not make that relationship abusive. (Hope this doesn't come off as attacking that anon, it just... irked me.)

[x]

I agree, Anon, and I think those are really important points to make. There's always that double standard grinding us down.

The anon sent in some clarifying messages so I'll append those here:

1/3(I’m the anon before, a bit worried that I sounded like I was judging you or others for shipping. Just trying to explain that even you’re not puritan and go “Ew, gross!” you might see some potentially uncomfortable aspects.) I’m a psychology addict and it’s hard for me to overlook that romantic/sexual relationships between siblings often seem to be a result of kids being deliberately isolated from the outside world, being co-dependant or not managing to create healthy relationships.

2/3 (And no, that’s not the same as saying they’re not attractive in anyone else's eyes.) It’s often revealed that it’s hard to make more “standard” connections with anyone else afterwards (but maybe that’s seen as a plus in fiction?) and that the relationship might be unbalanced with one more manipulative partner even though they’re close in age. It’s like I want to be open-minded to it, at least in fiction, but there’s complications that keeps rubbing me the wrong way.

3/3 But I’m also very pro “let people read/write/draw/enjoy what they want”, I would never harass anyone or support harassment, so I’m very pro-your blog even though I don’t love every sibling ship or every aspect about sibling shipping, if that makes sense. It’s a very friendly place, which is rare in fandom these days :)

I respect your perspective, Anon, and I appreciate your attitude. And as to your earlier ask, I answered it in a hurry and I probably should have taken more care to show that I wasn't offended by what you said.

I think the kind of incestuous relationship you're describing here is not what most of us enjoy shipping. Even if it has the blueprint to play out like that - like Cathy and Chris from Flowers in the Attic, for example, or Daemon and Rhaenyra - that's not the way I would ship it.

But I guess I feel like even if two characters are traumatized and screwed up, just because an incestuous relationship might make worse doesn't mean it necessarily would. Just because one partner might be manipulative or exert power doesn't mean it would be that way. Even if it usually would make it worse, there's still the cases where it wouldn't. And we're just hanging out and shipping so if every story we tell ourselves is unlikely, why the hell not? We can do that.

If anything it's the shame of incest and incestuous feelings, coming externally from society, that would damage someone further. There was this segment about an adopted woman who found out that her parents were brother and sister. She never told anyone and decided not to marry or have children because she thought they would have genetic defects. When she finally told her adoptive family decades later, of course they all said that it didn't change how they felt about her. And of course what she thought would happen re: children was not correct. That wasn't incest's fault. That was shame and society.

Anon, I think you must have read something on here that was phrased in a way that gave you the wrong impression. Or maybe I said something casually that didn't really represent what I really think. I'm OK with people not being comfortable with incest. But someone saying it's impossible for a consensual healthy incest relationship to exist is what I disagree with. And if it's possible, then why not this ship, or that ship. Etc. Why not Daemon/Rhaenyra? Just because the evidence could point one way doesn't mean it is pointing that way. If someone looks at Daemon/Rhaenyra and reads grooming and manipulation, and is uncomfortable, that's totally fair, but to treat that like it's the universal truth is what I object to.

When we talk about antis, we're talking about attackers, and especially ones that make false or blanket statements or conflate incest with rape. We're talking about people who aren't allowing for possibilities. We're not talking about people who don't like incest ships or aren't comfortable with them. We're just touchy because we get attacked a lot, and because backlash can affect the kind of content we get, and we get so little good incest content. Also, I probably have not acknowledged in any meaningful way that not everyone who dislikes incest shipping or even who hates incest shipping is attacking shippers or being unreasonable. Which I think was one of the main points you were getting at in your first ask.

And while we think education and exposure and great canon ships might begin to change some of those feelings for some people, there certainly exist a lot of incestuous relationships, not just sexually abusive ones, that we shouldn't be comfortable with. And I fully acknowledge that.

But I know you have a live and let ship attitude and you're anti-harassment so I think that's great. That's what's important.

I don't want to debate, or change your mind, I just don't want there to be any wrong impressions. And that's why you spoke up, because you didn't want us to have wrong impressions about 'the other side' either. So I thank you for that.

#asks #anonymous #discussion #t: antis #noiv #nr

[wildegeist]

(Ramble) Creativity and dependency on attention

Disclaimer: This is an opinion and anecdote from me, I'm not an authority, I'm speaking from a place of personal experience, this is not intended as some ultimate piece of advice. Anyone who reads this can take whatever they want from it. It's subjective and based on a way of thinking that I've found is beneficial to me personally. Sharing and hoping maybe it will be beneficial to someone else too. I’m not telling you what to do or how to feel. You can feel entirely different and that's okay.

I see much debate on what a good mindset as a creative of any type to have is in regards to wanting more traction- you know, one side saying “no just stop caring about feedback” and the other side saying “no I NEED feedback” and it just becomes this polarized mess with neither side understanding or communicating efficiently. While ultimately I think it depends from person to person because our mindsets as creatives will differ from person to person, I think there's a healthy sweet spot for people to hit in regards to how much they want and value input from others.

Expression is the heart of creativity, so that want for input from others, the connection, and the social aspect can't be denied. It's natural to want others to love your work as much as you love it. We put our hearts and souls into lovingly crafting cool little things out of ideas we have, and it's totally natural to want engagement. I don't believe we can ever fully immunize ourselves from this desire. Even I get this rush of happy feelings and motivation when I get feedback, and I think most people kinda need it at least in some amount. Comments and love feel great and I think to dismiss that want entirely is counterproductive.

But…

On the other end, I do believe that there's a real issue with too much dependency on feedback and I think that comes from a place of insecurity. Because the root almost always seems to be a craving for external validation. I can draw a parallel between it and the reason even non-creatives develop social media addictions. It's that little dopamine rush that builds into a craving for more and more, until you start to grow dissatisfied when the amount you receive isn't meeting your personal demand.

Then you start feeling a need to create for attention and validation, and you find that eventually, you become burnt out when you’re not getting back what you wanted for what you were putting in.

And at this point you have to remind yourself again why you create. Is it for the attention, or is it because you want to make it? It's probably really because you want to make it. That's how you started in the first place, after all. I've found it helps me when I'm unconfident to ground myself by reminding myself of this. All that truly matters is I enjoyed creating it, and I'd always do it anyway even if I got zero attention. You started with no attention, and you still made something even without the promise it would get any. You remind yourself of this, and you reclaim your power.

I guess in that sense it sorta makes attention like a sort of drug to creators. It feels good and is fine in moderation but when you become too dependent on that little dopamine rush, it slowly starts to consume and ruin you and your love for creating. I've always found myself much happier putting my work out into its own spot where it may or may not be seen than posting it somewhere more populated with the expectation of feedback. I don’t think it’s very fair of me to put that sort of expectation upon other humans anyway. I put my stuff out and it’s any person’s choice whether or not they wish to engage with it, and that’s that.

I’ve talked with and befriended so many creatives over the years and one of the biggest things I’ve noticed is that many people seem to depend too much on external validation, like honestly, moreso than the normal healthy amount that a person would desire feedback. And that’s not their fault, it’s a tough beast to tame and I struggle with it too. But I see people goaling specifically to get the most attention, getting frustrated when they don’t get more attention, obsessed with “making it big”. Sometimes this results in them sterilizing or watering down their ideas to please more people, or adding more stuff with wide appeal that they didn’t necessarily want to. Or they get too perfectionist about their own work to the point that they think everything they make is required to be grandiose and perfect. All for a marginally higher chance at more attention.

I’ve fallen into those traps. “I gotta make my stuff less abstract so people understand better, because some people said my stuff is too bizarre”. “I gotta make my stuff perfect in every way because otherwise it’ll be torn apart”. “I want to do this thing and it’s most authentic to my goal with my work, but I’m not going to because I feel like it’d disappoint people”. Dude, it’s yours. Pour yourself into your work, because nothing else is ever gonna be more uniquely you. I’ve received overwhelming attention on pieces of art before and found it actually doesn’t feel very good. It’s not as satisfying as you’d think after a point, and it’s stressful. I’m okay staying small forever and making things in my little corner for a few people (and most importantly myself) to enjoy. My target audience is me, and I’m happier working knowing that.

But what if that’s not convincing? What if you still crave that attention? Adopting a mindset to be less dependent on it in an age where we’re programmed to depend on it seems easier said than done- that’s because it is. What worked for me was asking myself those questions whenever I felt unsure. Would I still be creating if I got ZERO attention? Yes. There's a ton of work I have that I never posted and don't really intend to. Did I still enjoy making the thing even if it didn’t get much attention? Also yes. Am I deriving joy from it? Yes. And I realize, that’s enough for me.

Bottom line I’m getting to here is: It’s okay to want attention, most of us do. Just don’t let that desire tear you apart, yeah?

#wildemusings #art #creativity #ramble