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fortheloveofwonderland · 3 years

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A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #david rossi #jennifer jareau #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, 12 (Branjie) (and background everyone) - Ortega

a/n: HELLO i am so sorry that this took me so long :((((( but it’s here now! welcome to strictly au 12!! this isn’t the last chapter, there’s 2 more to come after this, but aaaah how mad that we’re almost coming to an end!!! hope u all enjoy this chapter, it’s MUSICALS WEEK!

fic summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.

And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.

***

27th November, 2020

The bursting open of the rehearsal room door makes Vanessa jump, her head jolting off its position on Brooke’s shoulder from where they’re both slumped against the mirrored wall, having glugged the contents of their water bottles after a full run of this week’s dance. Her racing and paranoid heart, however, relaxes instantly when Monique and Monet strut obnoxiously into the room.

“Hey hey hey!” Monique greets them both, way too fresh and bouncy and cheery for Vanessa’s exhausted self.

“What’s with the fuckin’ SWAT team entrance? You the sex police now, is that what this is?” Vanessa deadpans, and Monet gives a chuckle as she loops an arm around Monique’s and makes her go all shy.

“It’s not Strictly Cum Dancing,” she sticks her tongue out, and as Brooke splutters Vanessa snorts.

“Strictly Come Boning,” Monique chips in. Vanessa can feel Brooke narrowing her eyes beside her.

“Your girlfriend’s was better,” she retorts, and Vanessa watches as the two of them visibly baulk. She digs Brooke very firmly and squarely in the ribs, realising a little too late that that was probably entirely too visible. They’ve not had that conversation yet. Neither have her and Brooke. That’s okay though. They’re focusing on the competition. It’s not like the only thing Vanessa wants with every iota of her being is to call Brooke officially hers.

“What’d you two come to bug us about anyhow?” she not so much segues but handbrake turns, steering the conversation off the cliff Brooke’s hanging the metaphorical car off of.

“You eaten?” Monique asks with a shrug. “Me n’ Mo were gonna go try that new Mexican that opened up round the corner. You know, where the old burger place used to be?”

“Well anything’ll be a step up from gettin’ shut down by environmental health.”

“Shit, what happened?” Brooke’s face contorts in horror. Her eyes open up all wide, eyebrows fly up to her hairline. Every expression she pulls suits her, makes her look even more adorable than usual. Even when she’s sad, though Vanessa would do everything in her power to stop Brooke from ever feeling that way ever again.

“Lil’ rat shits through the plastic cheese slices. Shame, ‘cause their chilli cheese fries were awesome,” Monique pouts, and Monet fixes her with a quizzical eyebrow.

“You’d really risk getting bubonic plague for a basket of damn fries?”

Monique looks incredulously at her. “Babe, you never ate them. You don’t know what you missed out on.”

“Much as I’m heartbroken that I too won’t get to taste food seasoned with rat shit anytime soon, no, we’ve not eaten. And I’m quite hungry, so I’m down to grab food,” Brooke interjects, before they can entertain this conversational topic any further.

So they end up all leaving for lunch together- the shared and mutual understanding between the four of them that they all want to hold their girls’ hand, or curl their pinkies together, or slide an arm around their waist unspoken and yet deafening. It’s nice to get out of the studio for a bit, though. She and Brooke have been putting so much effort into their dance this week- a Waltz- and they both want it to be perfect.

“Just like you,” Brooke had said, before tapping Vanessa gently on the nose and setting off a spark in her stomach.

They reach the restaurant and all crush round formica tables on chairs with wobbly legs and gossip and chat and vent. It’s nice to see Brooke and Monet getting along so well- Vanessa knows Brooke was close with Yvie and now she only really has Jackie as her other celebrity friend in the competition, so it’s nice to see the beginnings of a friendship blossom between her and Monet. As she listens to Monet and Monique bicker about their choreography this week Vanessa secretly keeps her eyes on Brooke, catching little moments that she knows Brooke won’t even remember but Vanessa will secretly treasure; the way Brooke brings both hands up to hide her teeth when she laughs, the way her eyebrows draw together minutely when she’s concentrating on whoever’s speaking, the way she picks up each of the nachos she’s ordered delicately with her thumb and index finger leaving the rest to fan out into the air like a bird’s wings.

Vanessa feels as if she’s been living a dream all week. She’s nervous, because she knows there’s only an amount of time until she wakes up from it. Knowing Brooke likes her back and getting to share little moments with her is like the feeling of being wrapped in a cosy duvet- safe, secure and calm, and it seems like everything is too good to be true. She’s trying to enjoy their time together though, really drinking in every moment just in case it’s ripped away from her at any time.

As if she’s able to read her mind, Monique points at her and furrows her brow. “So who d’you think’s going home tomorrow?”

Vanessa flinches, because she hasn’t thought about it. Doesn’t want to think about it. Despite their high scores last week Vanessa knows that out of the five of them that’re left, it’s the other couples that the judges seem to favour. She knows how heavily she and Brooke rely on their fans to get them through (they’ve done two Insta lives this week as a thank you) and how it’s been a few times that they haven’t got the scores they’ve deserved.

So she swallows the nerves that Monique’s question has triggered and shrugs, pokes her tongue out at her friend. “You, with any luck. Won’t have to listen to you bang on about how hot you think Monet is all the damn time.”

Monique almost chokes on her burrito and Brooke and Monet roar a laugh. When she collects herself, she’s pointing an accusatory finger Vanessa’s way.

“Well screw you, bitch! I hope you break a leg for real,” she jokes at her, and Vanessa smiles smugly back at her in response.

“It’ll be Gigi and Jackie in the bottom, leaving us, Akeira and Asia sailing through to the semis,” Monet nods her head, convinced. Vanessa wishes she had the same levels of confidence. “You three are the most talented pros, it makes sense.”

“Aw! Thanks baby boo,” Monique smiles at her, charmed. Monet cocks an eyebrow at her.

“You, barely. You’re there by the skin of your teeth. Akeria’s Mutya, Vanjie’s Keisha. You’re Heidi Range.”

Vanessa and Brooke burst out laughing at Monet’s niche Sugababes reference, and Monique yelps in protest beside her. As talk turns to girlbands, the thought of elimination is forgotten for now.

That is, until lunch is over and Vanessa and Brooke are arriving back in the studio, and Vanessa lets out a nervous sigh which Brooke quickly picks up on.

“Hey,” her forehead wrinkles, crossing over to take both of Vanessa’s hands. Brooke’s are cold from the icy air outside but the gesture still manages to make Vanessa feel a little warmer, a little slice of July on a November day. “Talk. Speak.”

Vanessa lets out a soft chuckle at Brooke’s orders and as she looks up and meets her kind eyes, she lets her worries out. “I’m just rattled. Mo got me thinkin’…we really are gettin’ down to the wire now, an’ everyone left is so talented. What happens if we gotta dance again tomorrow?”

“Then everyone gets treated to the best Waltz that’s ever graced Elstree two times instead of once,” Brooke shoots back instantly, making the knot in Vanessa’s stomach begin to unravel. “If fact I think all our fans are going to vote for other people just so they can see it done twice.”

“God, don’t say that,” Vanessa shakes her head and half-groans, half-laughs. She sinks her body against Brooke’s, wraps her arms around her waist and lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m never nervous when I dance, but I’m gonna be nervous this time, you know? I just don’t want to let you down.”

Brooke splutters a disbelieving laugh. “A world Latin champion is telling her TV presenter partner that she doesn’t want to let her down. We are truly through the looking glass.”

“Shut up,” Vanessa mutters against Brooke’s chest, looking up at her and seeing the little twinkle in her eye that flips her stomach.

“Make me.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes at her before leaning in and meeting her lips in a soft kiss, Brooke greedily deepening it after a few seconds and pressing their bodies close. Vanessa feels a pleasant wave of heat wash over her and, as she slides her arms round to rest on Brooke’s hips, she’s reminded about their morning in Blackpool, something she’s thought about constantly since it happened. They haven’t had a round two since, they’ve both been too focused on wanting to do well. Still…maybe they need a way to let off steam, and Vanessa’s beginning to wonder if all the hassle she’s given Monique over hooking up in the rehearsal room has been justified given how much she’d risk getting walked in on by a camera crew for Brooke’s tongue to be back between her legs-

And then Brooke breaks away, strokes her cheek with her thumb from where her hand’s cupping her jaw and winks at her. “Kissing’s not going to get us those tens, sweetie. Let’s get to work.”

So, obediently and only somewhat reluctantly, Vanessa rehearses. Their dance means a lot to her this week, even though it’s musicals week and they aren’t really her thing. She’s never seen Waitress- she’s not seen many musicals- but Jan, self-confessed queen of musicals week had a playlist on the speakers last year and a song in particular had come on which prompted Vanessa to ask for its name. It reminds her of her, little Vanessa starting out at dance school thousands of miles away from the rest of her family, and her Mama who’s always supported her through everything she’s ever done. And now it reminds her of Brooke, too. All the good things in her life and all the dreams that have somehow managed to come true. She knows that full marks are the highest they can get, but she still wants more. The pressure she’s heaping on herself is crushing, but it’s good because it helps her concentrate. She wants to do her best for Brooke. She cares about her so much that she finds it a little bit dangerous.

Saturday rolls around in mere hours, and the day passes as a blur. Vanessa bites the skin around her nails so much that she bleeds and Brooke chastises her, goes to find plasters from the medics. She’s so nervous that she can’t even enjoy roasting Monique and Monet about the fact they’re dressed entirely as nuns (a Charleston to Sunday Morning Fever) or find hope in the fact that Gigi’s hands are shaking as she practises her hand jive with Crystal. She moves through the pro dance in a daze, not even the fact that it’s all being broadcast live affecting her. The pro dance is simply an inconvenience, something she needs to get through before the main event.

And then, thank God, they’re dancing first. She doesn’t need to wait too long before they’re both sitting on their set- the countertop of a diner, soft blue lights illuminating the studio- and finally, the commentator’s voice can be heard overhead.

“Dancing the Waltz…Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”

Vanessa already feels emotional as the guitar strums out through the studio, filling the silent room with its warm sounds as Vanessa rolls her neck one way then the other, catching Brooke’s eyes.

“Sugar…sugar, butter…flour…”

Resting a palm against the blue countertop, Vanessa presses against the flecks of glitter that have been sprinkled there by the prop department and brings her arm softly over her head, letting the sparkling silver flecks scatter over her as Brooke mirrors her movements too. They do the same with the other arm; soft, slow movements that Vanessa takes her time over because this dance is precious to her and she doesn’t ever really want it to be over. Vanessa looks at Brooke and they share a smile, blowing a handful of glitter at each others’ faces just like they’d practised in rehearsal over and over.

“Sometimes I still see her…my mother, the dreamer…she’d say nothing’s impossible, child…”

Brooke lowers herself off the counter, picks Vanessa up on the last beat with her strong arms holding her waist. Vanessa pushes down on Brooke’s shoulders to elongate her frame as Brooke spins her around, then gently deposits her on her feet. Their foreheads are pressed together as Vanessa takes Brooke’s hand and they end up in hold; one elbow bent, the other slightly extended out in front of them as they hold hands. Brooke keeps her other hand on her back and Vanessa rests hers on Brooke’s forearm as they move across the ballroom.

“A dream needs believing…to taste like the real thing…like some stranger you recognize…”

The movements come to naturally to them both, their feet meeting and stepping in the classic 1-2-3, 1-2-3 style, and Vanessa’s sad she can’t turn and face Brooke, can’t look her in the eyes with adoration like she wants to on that last line because it’s crazy; this BBC One presenter that started out as some cute girl that flirted with her on the induction day has become someone Vanessa cherishes and cares for so much, and all from the fact fate put them together to dance as part of a TV show.

“So pure…so pure, so electric, so sure…so sure, so connected…”

They both extend out from each other then Brooke twirls Vanessa across to the other side of her, the little skater skirt on her diner costume kicking out into a perfect circle. They then do the same again- out, in, twirl across, swaying together like calm waters.

“To those little believers inside…”

As Vanessa meets Brooke and their bodies end up pressed together, she extends her leg up in a long, slow kick and keeps her other leg steady as she balances on the ball of her foot. Brooke walks her round with her arm around her waist, and their eye contact has a level of depth Vanessa’s not sure she’s shared with anyone she’s ever danced with before. There’s something more to it- this is more than a routine, it’s Vanessa expressing everything that Brooke makes her feel because at this point she’s Vanessa’s dream, her dream come true.

“May we all be…so lucky…”

Back into hold again, and the pair of them cross the floor in the same 1-2-3, 1-2-3 that they’ve practised so many times now. Vanessa wants to rest her head against Brooke’s shoulder, throw all tradition to one side if only to be closer to her for a little moment.

“But dreams are elusive…”

Vanessa twirls from hold to rest her hands on Brooke’s hips, and Brooke places her hands on her back as she spins Vanessa around in her arms, her feet working overtime as Vanessa extends her legs and points her toes.

“The kind we’ve gotten used to is nothing I can feel, nothing I can hold, nothing I can have, nothing that I know…”

They come to a stop; both facing forward, with Brooke’s arms around Vanessa’s shoulders and Vanessa gently holding her hands as Brooke pulls away, stepping back (two, three), back (two, three) away from her, and Vanessa finds herself involuntarily tearing up because even though it’s just a dance, for Christ’s sake, it still hits too close to home; that feeling of Brooke leaving, the thought of whatever it is they have fizzling out once the competition is over being just too painful to even contemplate.

“Dreams come and they…go…”

Vanessa whips around and runs to Brooke, jumping to her and wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around her back as Brooke spins her around again.

“But hold them and keep them…and know that you need them…”

Back into waltz hold, and at this point Vanessa is unsure how she can see with the tears misting up her vision, lucky she’s not needed to look at her feet to dance since very probably 2008. Just like it had done in the dress rehearsal there’s silver confetti and glitter raining down upon them, and Vanessa wants to bottle how she feels right now, this equilibrium of nostalgia and sorrow and happiness.

“When your breaking point’s all that you have…a dream is a soft place to land.”

They walk slowly and carefully over to the diner counter they began their dance on, swinging their entwined hands in time to the strum of the guitar. Brooke reaches the counter and sweeps the rest of the glitter away with a perfectly straight arm, clearing the surface before she pushes onto it and hoists herself back up with pointed feet.

“May we all be…so lucky…”

Vanessa joins Brooke sitting on the countertop and they finish with Vanessa resting one hand on top of Brooke’s and bringing the other up to cup her jaw gently, pressing their foreheads together again and reminding Vanessa all too much of kissing her. She wants to so much, but she settles for bringing her lips as close as she can to Brooke’s without touching as they both close their eyes.

“Sugar, butter…flour.”

When Vanessa’s eyes open, they’re filled with tears. Brooke’s green ones are the same, and Vanessa lets out a laugh of relief as the audience’s cheers fill the air. They both did the dance justice, and they did themselves proud. As they hop off the countertop and hold each other in a tight hug Vanessa tells Brooke as much, and Brooke nuzzles her head in the crook of her neck kissing her once, twice, three times.

Michelle calls them over excitedly and interviews Brooke. All the while Vanessa can feel her heart going like a freight train, so full of affection and pride for Brooke but so full of anticipation and nerves for what the judges will say. And as Michelle comes to Bianca first, Vanessa holds her breath.

Bianca moves her papers around on her desk, and if Vanessa had been in a chair she’d be on the edge of it. Bianca pauses, looks up, finally opens her mouth to speak. “Well that, I thought, was beautiful.”

Vanessa flinches as Brooke punches the air beside her, then brings her arm round to wrap around Vanessa’s waist in an excited hug. Vanessa is bouncing on the balls of her feet in happiness. Is it too much to hope for another forty a week after their first one?

“Your timing was excellent, the emotional connection you both have is just unparalleled, everything was just so very clean and beautiful. Unfortunately…”

The audience starts booing in anticipation of Bianca’s next comments, and Vanessa’s heart sinks.

“…I can’t give you a perfect score for this Waltz, because there were a lot of Contemporary elements in there. They were beautiful, and I did love the dance! But sadly, not really a pure Waltz. But you should still be very proud of yourself, Brooke Lynn, well done.”

Vanessa tried to make the smile on her face seem genuine as the audience clapped Bianca’s comments and the spotlight moved to Shangela.

“Yeah, um…” Shangela began, her face set in a frown of concern which made Vanessa’s guts twist. There was a pause as she looked down at her desk, then back up at Brooke. “I mean, Brooke Lynn, you know I love you, girl, and there’s absolutely no denying that dance was gorgeous…however…”

The audience begin booing again as if they’re at a pantomime, and Vanessa can feel all the perfect little pieces of choreography she’d spent so much time on and worked so hard on slowly crumble to dust.

“…as Bianca said, it’s a hard one to judge because you know I love my Ballroom, and that wasn’t…really…a Waltz? But whatever it was, it was very beautiful. I just hope that it doesn’t put you in a precarious position tonight.”

And with that comment, Vanessa’s whole world freezes over.

Worry consumes her. She can hear Kennedy and Laganja speak, see their lips move, hear the audience laugh at some joke Laganja makes, but nothing registers in her brain. Shangela’s last sentence just repeats on a loop in her head. It doesn’t stop as she and Brooke make their way up to the Divinatorium, as they’re interviewed by Divina, and as the camera pans to the judges. Vanessa feels sick as Bianca holds up her paddle.

“Nine!”

Shangela holds up hers. “Eight!”

“Nine!” Kennedy smiles.

“Nina!” Laganja agrees.

Thirty five. They’ve dropped five marks since last week, and it’s nowhere near what they should be scoring at this stage of the competition.

Vanessa is frightened.

Brooke is smiling at the scores but by the way her grip tightens around Vanessa’s waist she can tell something is wrong, and by the time they get backstage Vanessa can barely hold back the tears that are dotting her lower lashes.

“Woah, woah,” Brooke stops her, takes both her hands and steps close to her as Vanessa sniffs uncontrollably. “It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa whispers out, heartbroken. “I should’ve just kept it to a normal Waltz…if we have to dance again it’ll be all my fault…”

“Hey. Listen to me,” Brooke says sternly, dropping one of Vanessa’s hands to point at her. “What did I tell you in Blackpool?”

Vanessa, even though she’s upset and scared, can’t help the little twinkle that leaps into her eyes. “You told me a lot of things in Blackpool, ‘specially in that hotel room.”

“Christ, stop talking. I’m trying to be serious here,” Brooke exhales a laugh, looking at the floor bashfully. “Before we danced and you got nervous. I said that this isn’t about the competition for me anymore. It’s about getting to dance with you and see you every day. I meant that, ‘Ness. If we have to do that dance again, then we go out and we have the best time doing it, especially if it could be our last time. I don’t want you being upset. You know if you start crying it’s only a matter of time before I join you.”

Vanessa sniffs, wipes at her tears delicately with one finger. “I guess part of me is so sad because…if we get knocked out then I don’t get to see you every day any more. You’ll go back to bein’ busy at work, an’ I’ll still have pro rehearsals…we’ll just fall out of touch and drift apart.”

“Excuse me? Who the hell says?!” Brooke laughs in incredulity, and her outrage makes Vanessa’s spirits lift a little. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. God, Vanessa, I care about you so much. If you think all this is for me is just a random hookup while I learn to fucking two-step then you’re so far from the truth.”

Vanessa’s heart gives a flutter and a huge thud which sets her pulse off racing. She wants to ask Brooke what the truth is for her, what she means by all this, but there’s already too much happening tonight and Christ, if there’s ever a time that she needs to focus on the competition, it’s probably now. So instead she looks up at Brooke from under her lashes, composes herself and smiles softly at her.

“That’s not at all what this is for me either.”

Brooke squeezes her hands, smiles back at her gently. “Well. Good.”

Then, darting her eyes up and down the corridor, she leans in and plants a soft kiss to Vanessa’s forehead. Vanessa closes her eyes and smiles, until she opens them and sees Brooke recoiling in horror.

“Fuck. I forgot I was wearing lipstick.”

Vanessa splutters a laugh, rubs furiously at her forehead and inspects the heel of her hand where there’s a bright red smudge as if she’s squashed an insect.

“Dummy. Guess we better get ourselves to makeup.”

It’s easy to forget about the prospect of the dance off when she’s mucking around in makeup with the girls and Brooke, or when she’s watching the other girls dance in the Divinatorium, or when she’s performing her second pro dance to be broadcast on Sunday’s results show. But when the couples all gather on stage again to stand under their single spotlights and the results are imminent, well. It’s frankly impossible for Vanessa’s heart to stop racing, for her mouth to be any more dry, for her stomach to stop flipping over and over and over again as if it’s on a wash and dry cycle. Michelle opens her mouth and Vanessa’s nerves shoot through the roof.

“Couples, I can now reveal who is going through to the semi-finals…and who will be dancing to stay in the competition another week.”

The studio lights go down and envelop everything their spotlight doesn’t touch in shadows, and Vanessa immediately feels as if she’s five years old and scared of the dark all over again. She’s got one hand around Brooke’s waist and the other holding the hand Brooke’s slung over her shoulder, and she can feel both their palms slick with sweat as Brooke grips her hand tightly.

“The first couple safe and through to the semi-final is…”

The drum beat rings out into Elstree, and it is as if time stands still. Vanessa feels as if she’s frozen, her fate hanging in the balance of a presenter and an earpiece.

Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh…

“Gigi and Crystal!”

Vanessa’s heart plummets as she claps and smiles tightly. She’s happy for Crystal. She’s happy for her friend. Of course she was going to get this far, she’s one of the best pros in the competition. But this means that now there’s less chance of Vanessa, Akeria and Monique all being in the semis together. Vanessa tries to take a deep breath but it comes in all shaky and paper-thin instead.

“The next couple safe and with a place in the semi-finals is…”

She feels Brooke take her arm and squeeze it. It’s the action that reassures her that she hasn’t, in fact, gone numb. Vanessa feels as if she’s disconnected from her body, floating high above it like she’s on morphine. If this place goes to Jan and Jackie, it means the three of them won’t get to keep going together. And that’s a horrible thought.

“…Jan and Jackie!”

As Jan screams in delight and jumps up and down on the steps, Vanessa wants to scream for a very different reason. She looks over at Monet and Monique as she claps, her gaze meeting Monique’s in a similarly mournful expression.

Love you, Vanessa mouths. Monique says it back.

“Okay, Akeria and Asia…Monet and Monique…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa. That means there is only one guaranteed place left in the semi finals. I’m now going to say the name of the couple earning that place, and the remaining two will be dancing for survival. The last couple through to next week…is…”

Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh. Vanessa feels herself tremble in her character shoes. She can feel Brooke gripping her hand with such intensity and perhaps it would’ve hurt if her whole body wasn’t completely filled with adrenaline, anticipation, hope and fear. Vanessa can hear the minute catch in Michelle’s throat as she goes to speak and every muscle in her body tenses up.

“Monet and Monique!”

Fuck.

A lot happens at once. Their white spotlight suddenly flushes them in red, Vanessa feeling like Carrie on prom night. Monet and Monique wrap each other in a hug, the pair of them wearing very relieved but incredibly upset expressions. Vanessa can see tears begin to stream from Monique’s eyes. If she leans forward she can see Akeria looking at her with a grim smile, her body language resigned and deflated.

When Vanessa turns to look at Brooke, she has to take a deep breath to hold back her tears. Brooke instantly wraps her in a cuddle, whispers into her ear.

“It’s not over, babe…it’s not over, don’t worry…we can do this.”

Vanessa breaks away, nodding, and when she goes to hug Monique her friend only ends up sobbing harder. Vanessa knows how she must be feeling, because she’s feeling it too- it would’ve been so amazing to progress the whole way with her two friends all together, and now that one of them is guaranteed to be leaving it hurts badly.

“That means that Akeria and Asia…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa…I’m sorry, you four, but you will be facing the dance off.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Vanessa mutters, hoping all too late that it isn’t picked up by her mic. From the fact that nobody’s given a cataclysmically horrified reaction, she can safely assume it wasn’t.

Michelle announces that Akeria and Asia will be dancing first. They were doing an Argentine Tango, and Vanessa knows how hard it is. She’s so torn. Part of her wants her friend to keep going, to win the whole thing on her behalf. The other part of her selfishly wants her and Brooke to stay in and knock them out, to progress and prove how amazing Brooke is. Not that she’s biased.

As Akeria and Asia take their positions on the dancefloor in their leather jackets and wet-look leggings, Brooke and Vanessa stand to the side, their fingers tangled together as they not so much hold hands but cling to each other. The music begins and so does the girls’ routine.

“This is weird…it’s weird…this is weird…super weird…”

Vanessa gives a bitter, mirthless chuckle. You got that right, song.

“What can we even improve on? Technique wise, we were fine. The judges just didn’t think it was a Waltz,” Brooke frowns at her side, whispering. Vanessa knows she has to put her professional hat on, look at it from a competitive perspective.

“So we gotta make sure we nail the sections in hold. And really amp up the emotion. Which’ll be easy, ‘cuz I feel like my heart’s about to break out of my ass.”

Brooke’s hands fly to her mouth as she covers up her snort of laughter. Vanessa smiles guiltily at her. After a second’s thought, she takes her hand again, gentler this time.

“But most of all…” Vanessa concedes, taking the first properly deep, calming breath she’s been able to manage as all of Brooke’s words from earlier run through her mind. “…we enjoy it. We make the most of it. ‘Cuz if it really is my last dance with you, then it better not be shit.”

Vanessa thinks she sees the shimmer of tears in Brooke’s eyes before she laughs and looks to the floor. “Okay. I promise. It won’t be shit.”

And as the audience clap, Vanessa realises it’s their turn at last. Michelle congratulates Akeria and Asia and wishes her and Brooke luck as they take to the floor and perch on the diner counter that a runner has hastily trundled on.

“Dancing for a place in the semi-finals, please welcome…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa!”

The guitar strums out again as Vanessa rolls her neck one way and then the other.

“Sugar…sugar, butter…flour…”

And their dance is as good the second time round. It’s better, and Vanessa feels more. She completes the entire dance on the precipice of tears, holding tightly to Brooke whenever there’s an opportunity because dreams come and they go, and Vanessa doesn’t want to let go. Brooke’s reassured her thousands of times how much she means to her, and it hits Vanessa with a startling clarity that that means more to her than any title, any competition, any trophy.

When their dance finishes and their foreheads press together, it takes everything in her power not to throw caution to the wind and kiss Brooke, try to communicate everything she feels without speaking, without anything a mic could pick up on. As they grip their hands tightly together and go to join Akeria and Asia in front of the judges’ table, Vanessa can only wrap an arm around Brooke’s waist and use her as an anchor.

“Akeria and Asia and Brooke Lynn and Vanessa have now done all they can. Judges, I’m now going to ask you for the name of the couple you wish to save and put through to next week’s semi final. In the event of a split decision, head judge Shangela, you will have the deciding vote. Good luck to both couples…this is it.”

There’s a pause as Michelle comes to the first judge. “Bianca, who do you want to see in next week’s semi final and why?”

Vanessa can only take a few short, tiny breaths as Bianca replies to Michelle. “I really loved the refreshing fusion of this particular dance, and I thought it was performed very, very well. So the couple I am saving is Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Vanessa feels like deflating in shock. Brooke Lynn leans down to her ear, whispers a see! which she wants to believe with all her heart but there’s still three judges left to vote and she’s not getting complacent yet.

“Kennedy. Coming to you now, who would you like to save?”

Kennedy lets out a huge sigh, as if she’s the one whose future in the competition is being decided. “Honestly, I have to say…this decision gets harder every single week. It really does. You were both brilliant and I loved both performances…but I’m going to save Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Another vote in their favour. Vanessa feels a little as if there’s a knife twisting in her stomach as she looks over at Akeria and Asia, the two girls hanging their heads sadly as they clap for the pair of them.

“Two votes for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa, that means that if Laganja votes to save them they will be going through to next week’s semi final. Laganja, coming to you now. Who would you like to save and why?”

Laganja sucks air in through her teeth. “It truly does get tougher every week, Michelle, but purely based on what I’ve just seen…I have to save Akeria and Asia.”

Vanessa’s heart plummets. She claps for her friend as the vote moves to Shangela, but her pulse is going entirely too fast and her hopes are raised so high and she holds her breath and she holds Brooke’s hand as Shangela begins to speak.

“Well as the others have said, this is a very difficult decision this week, and both dances were outstanding. But for me, it’s a matter of personal taste and I have to go with the couple I felt had the most content…I’m saving Akeria and Asia.”

And it’s done.

Their journey, just like that, is over.

Asia’s mouth is hanging open and Akeria’s hands fly to her face as Vanessa and Brooke clap for them. Vanessa is proud of her friend. She is, she’s not bitter, but she wishes with all her heart things could have been different. Her pulse slows to a gutted, disappointed decline as Michelle confirms what they already know- that she and Brooke Lynn are leaving the competition. Vanessa crosses over to the other couple and, as Brooke hugs Asia in congratulations, Vanessa clings to her friend and grips her in a tight hug.

“Fuck, V…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“Hey. Listen. You an’ Mo are doin’ this for me now too, okay? Go get that fuckin’ crown. You both deserve it so much,” Vanessa mutters back urgently, truly meaning it all. If neither of them win she’s not going to speak to them for a month. She’s kidding. Probably.

Michelle beckons them over as the audience claps and cheers for the pair of them. It’s the exact definition of bittersweet, and Vanessa presses a hand to the small of Brooke’s back as Brooke hugs Michelle with one arm.

“Brooke Lynn, you have been amazing…look at the audience, all on their feet, the judges on their feet…have you enjoyed your time on the show?”

“Oh, goodness, to be here dancing every week…I’ve just truly, truly loved every minute, and I have to say thank you to everyone behind the scenes that makes this show happen, I have literally lived out a dream being here…and I have to thank my dance partner…c’mere-”

With that, Brooke breaks off, turns and hugs her, and Vanessa can feel the lump that’s already in her throat becoming impossible to ignore. She can’t cry; it’s Brooke’s moment, and she can’t take that away from her, but the opportunity to tell the nation how amazing she is overwhelming.

“You’ve been brilliant, and you got to dance with two pros! Not many Strictly stars can say that,” Michelle smiles at Brooke, and Vanessa almost forgets about Plastique. That whole scenario seems so long ago now, and it makes her want to laugh. Michelle casts a hand over to the monitor beside the camera, prompting them both to look. “Here are some of your best bits before you leave us.”

And they watch it all. Vanessa watches little sections of each dance they did intercut with Brooke talking about her own journey- how happy she was when she got partnered with her, how she opened the first show, how their breakthrough dance was Runaway Baby and how things only got better from there. How special Blackpool was (Vanessa gives her a little dig in the ribs in response to that). And then it shows the comments Vanessa has been asked to give about Brooke, where she’d basically just gushed at the camera.

“To me, Brooke Lynn is what Strictly is all about. I’m so proud of her and what she’s achieved…and I can’t put it into words how much I’ve loved being partnered with her. Next year’s partner is gonna have a hard time coming close.”

To finish, production has put a clip of them finishing their Waltz into the final clip of the video, and Brooke’s voice can be heard over it. “It’s been a dream come true doing Strictly…and it’s been a truly magical experience.”

As the clip ends, Michelle turns to them both and directs a question to her. “You’ve been an amazing partnership…Vanessa, what would you like to say to Brooke?”

There’s a beat of silence in which Brooke turns to look at her, and it’s happening- Vanessa can feel the tears burning her eyes. She takes a deep breath, takes both of Brooke’s hands tightly and sighs.

“Oh my God, so much. So much I wanna say…I’ve been sayin’ it all competition but I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I got somethin’ better than the glitterball…I got you, and you were the best,” Vanessa hears her voice crack, and the audience starts to clap and cheer in encouragement. When Vanessa looks back up at Brooke, she sees two black mascara tears running down each cheek. She can’t help but laugh nervously at how ridiculous they must look. “You’ll never know how amazing you made this experience for me…just by being you. So thank you so much. You’re incredible.”

With that she crashes her head against Brooke’s chest, throws her arms around her and tries to hold back the rest of her tears. She can hear Michelle beckoning them onto the dancefloor for one last dance and then reading out the information about next week’s show.

“I wish I could’ve taken you further,” Vanessa sniffs, shaking her head sadly. Brooke’s got a nostalgic sort of smile on her face as she breaks away from the hug and takes Vanessa’s elbow, leading her out onto the dancefloor.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about any of this,” Brooke squeezes her arm, places both her hands on Vanessa’s hips as Vanessa slides hers around Brooke’s neck. Brooke’s face breaks into a bittersweet grin as she winks at her. “Okay, no more crying. It’s our last dance in Elstree, I don’t want to have to spend it trying to find you a tissue.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing at her joke. For the millionth time that evening, it occurs to her just how much she wants to kiss her in front of everybody.

Michelle announces their last dance and the pair of them begin to step as the music starts. When Vanessa realises what the song is, she throws her head back and laughs at the cheesiness of it all.

“We got a little world of our own, I’ll tell you things that no one else knows, I’ll let you in where no-one else goes…what am I doing without you…”

As the key change kicks in, Brooke picks Vanessa up and spins her around fast, Vanessa squealing happily as Brooke shows off by holding her with only one arm wrapped around her. She still feels safe, though. She always feels safe when she’s with Brooke. And even though their Strictly journey is over, she can’t help but feel excited for the new one they’re about to embark on together- navigating their feelings for each other after the show, which from the way Vanessa is feeling as Brooke smiles at her and looks into her eyes is dangerously close to something she once felt for a different dancer who broke her heart a little while ago.

#rpdr fanfiction #ortega #bet you look good on the dancefloor #strictly au #lesbian au #branjie #background momo #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #akeria davenport #monique heart #monet x change

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is0gild · 4 years

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Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 17

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 12,131

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

Day three of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really and so far, so good.

Though the thought of this triple date had my inner recluse curling up into the fetal position, I'd manage to convince myself it actually was a good thing when you really thought about it. One, it gave me more practice for trying to do this whole couply… thing I was trying to do. More practice meant I'd eventually, hopefully be more comfortable with it all, as well as less chance for screw-ups in front of my parents when the dreaded but inevitable weekend with them at last came. Two, we were trying to maintain this image of being boyfriend and girlfriend in front of everyone else at the mall. And boyfriends and girlfriends went on dates. What better way to be seen going on said dates than by going out with other actual couples? And three, we couldn't forget about the person the Duke had hired to tail Anna originally and could quite possibly still be keeping tabs on me now. If they were still out there lurking, it was important that they, even more so than anyone else,see me dating.

It was still kind of weird to think about - that an actual, real life PI or whatever had been surveilling me constantly for who knows how long and I'd had no idea. It felt so surreal. Unreal even. But the Duke was absolutely that crazy and I wouldn't put it past him to still have someone keeping an eye on me, looking for any cracks in the story, any slip-ups or mistakes. I'd have to start paying attention more when I was out and about, see if I could figure out who it was, spot any faces that seemed to always show up everywhere I went.

But then, even if I did identify a likely culprit, I would have absolutely no idea what to do with that information once I had it. Even if I marched right up to them and told them their cover had been blown so they may as well scram, the Duke was just insane enough and rich enough to keep hiring new people to do the job instead.

...jeez, I was really starting to sound paranoid now, wasn't I?

With my luck, it'd turn out the Duke no longer had anyone following me after he'd confronted me in the food court.

Best not to think about it too much, because honestly? It'd get me nowhere.

Sighing, I banished the thoughts from my head as I watched the buildings blur past my window from the backseat of Riku's silver Ford Focus. The three of us were on our way to the restaurant now and Lea, Kairi and Sora were going to meet us there. My hand anxiously smoothed out the creases of my outfit - a dark magenta sheath dress with long sleeves and a hemline at the knees. It had a tastefully low v-neckline and a double layered skirt, the top layer made of a shimmering gossamer material. Nice, but nothing too fancy for our "nothing too fancy" date, to use Kairi's words.

Per Lea's request, I'd also worn his leather jacket. It made sense, after all. Nothing screamed "dating" more than one half of a couple wearing their other half's clothes, so it certainly helped maintain the facade. His boy scent still lingered on it, even though he hadn't worn it in a couple of days now, given it had been in my possession. The smell was somehow both soothing and butterflies-in-the-stomach inducing at the same time. It was an odd mix of emotions, to say the least.

I felt a buzz in the jacket's pocket. Pulling out my phone (gosh, it was so weird having one again after going so many weeks without) I checked my notifications to discover I'd received a text.

Well, speak of the devil.

Still cant believe u didnt lemme come pick u up

Shaking my head with a small snort, I tapped out a reply to Lea.

It just made the most logical sense for me to ride with Riku and Rayne since we were all coming from the same place.

Rayne suddenly cried out happily, drawing my attention to her as she clapped and bounced in the front passenger seat. "Ahh, I'm still just so excited for date night! Good food, great company, hot hubby," she slyly pinched Riku's cheek, which he endured with dignity as he drove. "What more could a girl ask for?"

He chuckled as he shifted the car over into the turn lane. "You make it sound like I never take you out."

"You know that's not what I mean!" she playfully smacked his shoulder. "But with the baby on the way, I don't know how many more of these I'll have! This is one of my last chances to enjoy freedom! Jesus take the fucking wheel, hallelujah!"

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand again and I looked down at it.

I know not this logic u spk of

I felt a tiny smile pulling at my mouth as my thumbs typed.

Don't worry about it. Tis beyond your mortal ken.

"I just hope no one's drinking tonight," Riku snerked as I watched those three dots bounce at the bottom of my screen. "Don't need you dancing on any more tables, thank you very much."

"Your face dances on tables!" Rayne shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"You don't even make any sense!"

Rude. Ill have u know I had half a mind 2 drive ovr n get u NEway, logic b damned

My smile turned a touch wicked.

I'm impressed. That's half a mind more than you usually have.

"Here we are!"

My head shot up as I heard the engine shut down. I hadn't even realized we were in a parking lot. I hadn't even realized the vehicle had stopped moving.

As I looked out my window again, I heard Rayne saying, "Have I mentioned how happy I am we're doing this?"

"You may have said something about that once or twice." I could hear the smile in Riku's low voice.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her leaning over towards him, her hand coming up to run slender fingers through his long, ashen strands. "Yeah, but maybe I should show you."

"Maybe you should…"

And that's when I, being the absolute clueless, blissfully naive little fool that I was, chose to turn and fully look at them, just in time to get a front row seat to their little game of tonsil hockey. I blushed, threw up a hand to block my line of sight and made a tiny noise of disgust in my throat. "Ugh! You know you're not the only people in the car, right?"

Rayne pulled away to smirk back at me. "Well, other people can shoo," she flicked a dismissive hand in my direction before grabbing Riku by his collar and yanking him over for a deeper, more passionate kiss. Ding, ding, round two!

Squeaking, I fumbled with my seatbelt until I heard the click release, threw my car door open, stumbled out and slammed it shut behind me with a huff.

Oi, that was the main drawback to this group date plan. We were going to be around actual couples, and actual couples actually, ahem… snogged. Rayne and Riku were going to be bad enough, but let's not forget Sora and Kairi were along for the ride too and I'd seen firsthand how gross those two could be as well. Mark my word, this night was going to have more than its fair share of uncomfortable moments with those four around, being all besotted and smitten and other such rot. But I would survive this and make it through to the other side. Somehow.

Sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, I glanced up at the building before me now. It bore a colorful banner over its entrance that read Fuente Del Oro. A local, family-owned Mexican restaurant, or so Rayne had told me. I could already tell this was going to be a very different experience from the types of restaurants my ex used to take me to for our dates. Those restaurants had all been about the look, the prestige… you didn't go to any of those places for the food, you went there to be seen, to give off an air of importance. Those places were… dull. Lifeless. This place before me now, on the other hand, was… nice. Colorful. Vibrant and full of character. Not elegant or frilly, but warm and inviting. And the aromas that I could smell coming from it, even all the way out here? Delicious.

I was actually kind of looking forward to this.

Phone still in my grasp, I looked back down at it and frowned.

No message back from Lea yet.

A giggle suddenly echoed out across the parking lot and my eyes snapped towards the source. It didn't take long to spot Kairi a few vehicles over, squirming and laughing in Sora's arms as he hugged her from behind, blowing raspberries against her neck. They were standing with a very familiar redhead who was leaning against a very familiar black muscle car. Said redhead had pulled his hair back into a ponytail again and was dressed in a snug, black tee with a second shirt on underneath, red and black horizontal stripes running down its full-length sleeves. His slim, dark jeans made his already long legs seem even longer and he was sporting his bright red Converse. He had his phone in hand in front of him, but it wasn't the phone he was looking at. Our eyes met and a grin tugged at one corner of his lips.

Suddenly, whatever boldness that I had felt behind the safety of text on the tiny, glowing screen in the palm of my hand had abandoned me and I felt a small pang of anxiety pierce my chest.

But I rallied.

Alright, Elsa, pep talk time. You can do this. You've been mentally and emotionally preparing for this since yesterday. Let him throw at you whatever fluffy, sappy moves he decides to today, all in the name of pretending to be your boyfriend. You can take it.

Shields raised and at full power, captain!

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I pocketed my mobile and started making my way over to those three. Probably hearing my footsteps against the asphalt, Kairi and Sora looked over at me as I approached and greeted me with waves. I gave them a shy smile and returned the wave as Lea held his phone up, turning the screen towards me and showing the last message I'd sent him as he tsked, "Brutal. You wound me, madame."

I stopped a few feet away from him, my smile twitching wider. "You like it."

"True. What can I say, I've always been a bit of a masochist," he hummed a low chuckle, slipping his phone into the back pocket of his pants. His head tipped to one side and he stared at me for another second, then his eyes crinkled as he stretched a hand out towards me with a soft, "C'mere."

I bit my bottom lip, hesitating for a heartbeat before moving another step forward to take his offered hand.

"Lookit you," he whistled, closing his fingers around mine and leading me into a little twirl. "Digging the look." He then gently pulled me against him, drawing my arms up to hug his neck before slipping his hands beneath the jacket to wrap around my waist, enveloping me in his cinnamon scent. "Didn't get a chance to say it the other day, but my jacket suits you."

I rolled my eyes up at him, doing my best to be impervious to our sudden closeness. I wasn't succeeding. "Not really. It's too big."

"Yes really," he insisted, bowing his head slightly towards mine. "It looks way better on you than it ever did on me."

"Where's Riku and Rayne?" Sora interjected and I turned my head to look at him.

"They-" my words tripped over my tongue as Lea pressed a tender kiss to my temple.

Critical hit, captain! Shields down to thirty percent, but holding!

Ignoring the heat rushing to my face, I did my best to regather my scattered thoughts. "They, uh… they're back in the, uh… the…" Drat, what was the word again? "...car! They're back in the… the car."

Sora pulled a face. "Swapping spit, no doubt."

"Oh-ho, we'll see about that! C'mon, Sora!" Kairi cackled with an evil gleam in her eye, slipping free of her boyfriend's hold to instead grab his hand and pull him behind her as she ran off towards Riku's car.

"Seriously," Lea spoke up again, his voice hushed as I slowly returned my gaze to his. "Pretty sure I've lost all claim to that jacket. It belongs to you now."

My eyelids drooped. "That's not how that works."

"Sure it is." He rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his thumb rubbing light circles against the fabric of my dress just above my hip. "You don't choose a leather jacket, it chooses you. And trust me, that one has definitely picked you over me."

I gave a soft snort. "I'm giving it back to you after tonight."

"Don't you dare," he chided, his breath warming my lips. "You'll hurt the jacket's feelings."

"Stop anthropomorphizing the jacket." I was fighting a smile now.

"Make me," he murmured, something in his voice causing my insides to do that whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing.

And the academy award for best leading actor in the role of Elsa's boyfriend goes to this guy right here.

But had to say, I thought he might be overdoing it a bit. I mean, Sora and Kairi weren't even around anymore to hear any of this. And if we were being monitored by someone under my great uncle's payroll, they certainly couldn't hear it either. I suppose Lea just… really liked getting into character?

Clearing my throat, I unclasped my hands from behind his neck and shifted them down to his chest in an attempt to push myself free of his grasp as I whispered, "We, ah… should probably go speak to the hostess now."

However, his hold on me didn't loosen, his arms remaining firmly secured around my waist. He didn't say anything, just continued to grin down at me. His eyes became hooded as they flicked down to my lips now, making my heart skip a beat.

What was he-?

A sudden loud yelp ruptured the air around us.

Rayne.

Followed by an annoyed yell of, "Goddamnit, Sora! Kairi!"

And that would be Riku.

The two delinquents in question blurred past us and towards the restaurant's front doors, whooping and snickering and razzing their tongues back at their victims climbing out of the Ford Focus. "We'll grab us a table!" Sora called quickly at the same time Kairi shouted, "See ya inside!" Then they both disappeared through the entrance with Rayne and Riku hot on their heels.

I heard Lea sigh. Or maybe he didn't. It was so soft that it was fully possible that I imagined it. Then he released me, slipping one hand into mine and jerking a thumb towards the restaurant with a lopsided smile, "Shall we?"

I stared at him, feeling the night air cool my warmed face. Then I gave a tentative nod and let him lead me inside.

The others hadn't made it far past the doors and we stepped in to find Riku doling out Sora's punishment: death by a thousand noogies. Sora was smacking his cousin's arm and trying to wriggle free, but to no avail. Apparently Kairi had gotten off with only a warning for she was standing off to one side with Rayne, both cracking up as they watched the boys. I looked past them, taking in the restaurant. Strings of fairy lights hung from the ceiling intermixed with strings of multi-colored papers, each bearing cutouts depicting various imagery. The walls were painted with murals of fantastical, mythical creatures of various shapes and sizes with wings and prismatic fur, feathers and scales. This place was absolutely beautiful.

Once the roughhousing had finally settled down, we all approached the hostess, an extremely tiny, extremely old lady wearing a name tag that read Coco who seemed far more interested in napping than greeting new customers. However, she woke up long enough to squint at her list and find our reservation before calling over a man to seat us. He led us through the restaurant and to a large booth in one of the back corners, leaving menus, chips and salsa on the table before flashing us a warm, genuine smile and saying he'd be back to take our orders in a minute.

I started shrugging out of the jacket, feeling Lea assist me before folding it over his arm and gesturing towards the booth with bow and a, "Lady's first." Smiling at him, I took a seat and scooched towards the middle. Lea wasn't too far behind, sitting close enough for our knees to bump against one another. He tossed the jacket on the back shelf of the booth before draping his arm across the top of the cushioned seat behind my head. Rayne took the spot to my left with Riku of course beside her, and on the other side of Lea sat Kairi and Sora. The waiter came back after giving us a little time to peruse the menus and he gathered our food requests before dashing off again.

"So Ray," Kairi piped up, popping a heavily salsa-laden chip into her mouth, "how's the preggers-life treating you?"

"Really well," she nodded contentedly, one hand going to her tummy. "The jellybean's happy and healthy so far and I've just started barely showing in the past couple weeks. No weird food cravings yet, thank god, but those are supposed to be right around the corner."

Sora leaned forward, propping his chin in both hands and beamed, "Do we know yet if I have a lil nephew or niece on the way?"

"We're cousins, Sora. Nephews and nieces would only be if we were brothers," Riku corrected with a wry curve to his lips.

"We don't know yet," Rayne shook her head, "but I'm about four months along now, so hoping to find out at our next appointment."

Lea had shifted his hand to dangle down so he could idly twiddle my braid between his fingers. I could also sense his gaze on me, causing a bit of a flutter in the pit of my stomach. Reminding myself he was just playing a part and it wasn't real, I resisted the urge to squirm and instead pretended not to notice, directing all my focus into reaching for a chip to dip into the salsa.

"Well whatever the wee monkey turns out to be, you can bet Auntie Kairi and Unkie Sora will be here to shower it with all the love and kisses!" Kairi cooed.

Riku twitched and frowned. "I just said that isn't how it-"

"Shush, hon, they're just teasing you now," Rayne poked his cheek with a laugh before looking back over at Kairi. "And you? How's the new gig over at Mickey's going? You've been there, what? About a week now?"

"Mm-hm! It's been a lot of fun working the jewelry counter. Oh sure, there's the occasional asshole customer, but turns out I'm really good at killing them with kindness."

Riku kicked Sora's foot under the table, "What about you, ya freeloader? Any prospects yet?"

He shrugged with that big smile he seemed to always have permanently glued to his face. Just looking at it was starting to make my cheeks hurt. "Couple of interviews coming up, so we'll see!"

Smirking, Riku said, "Can't wait to hear how you screw them up this time, knucklehead."

"Hey!"

Kairi turned to look our direction now. "So what's new and exciting with you two, hm? Lea, you just had that big test, right?" Silence was her answer as I went for another chip. "Lea? Hello, earth to... ah-ha, there!" She rocketed up to her feet, slamming one hand down on the table and pointing the other right in Lea's face. "Lost puppy look!"

"Hm, what now?" he jolted, his hand jerking away from my braid to lay across the booth backrest once more. "Lost pup-? Bah, I told you already, there's no lost puppy look. You need to get your eyes checked, princess."

She scoffed, plopping heavily back down into her seat and smugly take a sip of her soda. "Please. You were bad at hiding it when you guys were dating in secret, and you're even worse at it now that it's all out in the open."

"What's the deal there anyhow?" Sora cocked his head at me. "There's all sorts of wild rumors flying around the mall, like that you're runaway royalty from some far off country just living off the lam now."

"What?!" I blanched, gawking in disbelief. Doing my best to recover with a tiny, awkward laugh, I hastily said, "No, nothing quite so, ah… dramatic. My parents, they're… well off, to be sure, but certainly not royalty. And not from so far away either. Just Arendelle, which is only about an hour north of here."

Chewing on her straw, Kairi eagerly leaned in closer, "I'd love to hear the story of how you two met!"

I stiffened.

Fudge.

Welp, add that to my ever growing list of things I should have thought about in advance but failed miserably to do so. I fiddled a chip between my fingers as I tucked in my bottom lip. Shoot, what was I supposed to tell her? It's not like I'd gotten any better at lying in the past few days since my visit with Father. In fact, I'd been mostly skirting by since then by dodging questions and letting people fill in the blanks for themselves so I didn't have to. Heart thudding in my chest, I opened my mouth, not quite fully sure yet what was going to come out.

"Last summer," Lea was quicker. "In another city."

"Oh, during that big cross-country road trip you took?" Rayne asked him as she leaned into her husband who slung an arm around her shoulders.

Lea tapped his own nose, "That'd be the one, Raindrop."

Kairi gasped, "You two met in a foreign city? How romantic! That's the dream!"

"You have to leave the country in order for it to be a foreign city," Riku shook his head.

"Cram it, you knew what I meant!"

"It was like one of those scenes straight outta a movie," Lea planted an elbow on the table, rubbing a curled finger over his smirk as he watched me out of the corner of his eye. "There I was, just strolling along minding my own business, smack dab in the middle of a jam-packed city street. But then the crowd parted and there she stood. The most gorgeous creature to ever walk the face of this or any other planet in all the cosmos."

Cue my face turning all new shades of red never before witnessed in the history of human eyesight.

Jeez, laying it on a bit thick there, Lea, don't you think?

"So whatdja do?" Kairi pressed, eyes bright and on the edge of her seat. "Sweep her off her feet right then and there?"

He snerked, "Shit no, I walked headfirst into a lamppost."

I smothered a grin behind my hand as the rest of the table erupted into laughter. Sora reached over to punch him lightly in the arm, "Smooth, ya stud. What city was this anyway?"

"Corona," I was the one to answer, surprising myself. Suddenly self-conscious with all eyes turning to me, I quietly added, "I was there for part of my vacation last year."

"By yourself?" Rayne quirked a dubious eyebrow at me. She knew this story was as made-up as my current relationship status was. I could only assume she was trying to poke holes in order to help us solidify this little tale that was being spun so we'd be more prepared for the next time we had to tell the lie.

The thing is, the best lies have a grain of truth to them. I really had been in Corona last summer. "No, I was taking the trip with Anna. We were actually staying over in Traverse Town, but had planned to visit Corona for the day to enjoy a festival there, since it was only a short train ride away. However, Anna disappeared with a guy before we could go. I'd really been looking forward to this festival though and didn't want to miss it, so I took the train over on my own."

"Wait," Kairi slapped both hands down in front of her, eyes widening. "Are you talking about that big lantern festival they do every year?" At my nod, she squealed. "Lucky! Punzie has shown me pictures in magazines, it looks so goddamn pretty! Oh man, I've always wanted to go! Hint, hint," she shouldered Sora, who just chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

"It was actually right as they were launching the lanterns that I saw her," Lea said, folding his arms atop the table now. "She was wearing this cute sundress. White with a lil diamond patterned hem. Split sleeves that were all flowy. Hair down and dancing in the slight breeze." Wow, he was really selling this. He'd even nailed that whole far away look in his eye, like he was seeing something the rest of us couldn't. "And the way those lanterns lit up her smile as she watched them float up, I knew my lowly mortal self was in the presence of a goddess. Knocked the wind right outta me."

"As did that lamppost," Rayne sniggered.

"As did that lamppost," he agreed with a chuckle.

Totally enthralled now, Kairi breathed, "So what happened next?"

"Yeah, what did happen next?" I grinned over at him, the barest note of a challenge to my tone. To the others, it probably just sounded like I was teasing him since obviously I was already supposed to know this story. But now I was almost as invested as Kairi and was genuinely curious where he'd go with it next.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he looked over at me and he leaned back, propping his elbows up on the back rim of the booth and once more slipping an arm behind my head. "Well after the lantern bit was over, I watched her get onto her train heading back to Traverse Town. So I did what any self-respecting, red-blooded, utterly bewitched male would do: I followed her."

"Stalker," Riku singsonged.

His wife smacked his leg, "Hush, it's sweet!"

He snorted, eyelids drooping, "Yeah, so sweet, the dumbass left his car behind in Corona."

"Psssh, I just took the train back for it later," Lea brushed off. "Anyway, when I found her on board, I sat across from her and worked up the nerve to strike up a conversation."

Rayne looked at me. "You? Talk to a handsome stranger on a train?" She squinted, repeating for emphasis, "You?"

"Heh… what can I say? He can be very charming," I smiled down at my drink, swirling the ice with my straw.

"Even with all of my roguish charm and devilish good looks though, it wasn't easy," Lea laughed. His hand had drifted down to start toying with my braid again. "But she warmed up to me eventually. By the time we arrived at Traverse Town, I was completely smitten. A total goner. She still needed more convincing though, so I managed to persuade her into joining me for a night out on the town. Luckily for me, Traverse Town has a very active night life that goes on for hours long after most other cities have gone to sleep."

"Yeah? Like what?" Sora burbled out around a mouth full of chips, making Kairi giggle as she put a hand over his face to hide it.

He pursed his lips to one side, looking up at the ceiling, "Oh, nothing too exciting. Few odds and ends here and there though… wandering around a record store… a café with a palm reader… a street poet at one sidewalk corner, a belly dancer at another, some stargazing in a park…" Now he smirked over at me, "A carnival with a kiss at the top of the ferris wheel."

A mock gasp from Rayne, "Scandal! And you with a fiancé, young lady!"

I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and flustered over something that hadn't even really happened. "...ferris wheels can be very enchanting."

And my streak of helping the lie along while not actually lying myself successfully continues!

"And then, and then?" Kairi insisted impatiently, just eating this whole bit of fiction right up.

He chuckled and shrugged, "Just mostly a lot of meandering the streets and talking. We were out all night and watched the sunrise together. Eventually, she had to go meet up with her sister so they could move on to another city for the next leg of their lil vay-kay. But I didn't let her leave without agreeing to meet with me again in a few months."

Kairi was slackjaw now as she whispered, "And did she?"

"Mm-hm!" he hummed happily. "And from there, we kept meeting up, our little get-togethers getting longer and more frequent over time."

"Then what?" She was relentless.

A wolfish curl tugged at one side of his mouth. "What else? I slowly seduced her until she fell helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I could give her," he waggled his eyebrows.

Of course I'd chosen that exact second to be taking a sip of my drink. And of course I promptly spluttered and choked on it. "Excuse me?" I coughed, laughing incredulously as I elbowed him in the gut.

He gave a pained grunt, but grinned and snagged my hand before I could retract it, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "I mean that in the most gentlemanly and respectful way possible, of course," he winked at me before looking back over at Kairi. "From there, I convinced her to run away from her family and ditch her two-bit, loser fiancé to be with me. And the rest, as they say, is history!"

"Wow!" she sighed dreamily, slumping back and fanning herself. Then she blinked, "Wait…" A gasp. "Oh my god! You swore off dating about a year ago, which was last summer! Was it cuz that's when you two met and it was love at first sight?!"

"Huh. The two certainly seem to line up perfectly, don't they?" he chirped. He'd rested my hand back down onto the table, his on top of mine, threading our fingers together.

Our waiter popped up again just then. "Your food will be just another moment. In the meantime, please allow us to entertain you with some music." He then turned, clapped his hands twice and called out, "Miguel!"

Out charged a boy in his early teens wearing a red hoodie and lugging a guitar that was white, etched in swirly patterns, and nearly as big as he was. He flashed us a smile huge enough to rival one of Sora's and without further preamble, started strumming away and singing. The kid was actually really good too!

Kairi clapped in delight and Rayne cooed over how adorable he was. Sora gaped in awe at the boy's obvious talent while Riku just grinned, digging into the chips. As I watched him perform, I couldn't help but feel Lea's eyes on me once more instead of on our little musician. I shifted in my seat, slipping my hand free of his and bringing it up to tuck some bangs behind my ear, hiding the growing warmth I felt in my cheeks behind my fingers.

At this rate, I didn't know how I was going to survive fake dating this guy for the rest of the evening, let alone for two more weeks.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Lea's hand closed around mine, stopping me in my tracks. I glanced over my shoulder at him, then back towards where Rayne and Riku were climbing into their car across the parking lot. "With them?"

"Ahhhnt," he made a buzzer noise, grinning. "Wrong! Would the contestant care to venture another guess?"

I gave him some side-eye, feeling one corner of my lips turn up. "...with you?"

"Bingo!" He started walking towards his car, gently tugging me along with him. "I was already so rudely denied my god-given right as the boyfriend to pick you up from your place. No way am I missing out on giving you a lift over to the movie theater. Same goes for driving you back home later tonight, so better make your peace with it now. It's happening."

I felt my smile twitch a fraction wider as I fell into step beside him. "I suppose being my chauffeur is quite the honor and privilege. Wouldn't want to take that away from you."

"Glad that's settled then," he gave a chipper nod, unlocking the front passenger door of his vehicle and holding it open for me as I got in. As he then jogged over to the driver's side while I buckled in, there was a loud meep meep of a car horn and I looked up just as a hot pink Jeep blurred past where we were parked - Kairi and Sora, it seemed, going on to the cinema ahead of us. I waved at them just as Lea had settled in himself and started the engine.

"So," I began once we were on the road, resting my temple against my knuckles with my elbow propped on the window sill, still grinning as I watched him out of the corner of my eye, "you took a road trip last summer?"

He gave a low hum of confirmation, reaching over to turn down the volume on the rock oldies station coming through the radio. "Decided to have one last big adventure before I really buckled down and started taking school seriously. Did a lil soul searching, that whole shtick."

"Ah." My gaze focused on the road ahead once more and I hesitated for a second, gnawing on my lower lip. "...that was a nice story you told. About how we met."

Lea chuckled, leaving one hand on the wheel while moving the other to lay atop the headrest of my seat. "Liked it, didja?"

"Oh definitely." Now I hid my growing smile behind my hand, trying to keep a straight face. "Though I have to admit, I think I was a bigger fan of the original movie adaptation."

I watched him visibly stiffen. "The…?"

Tapping a curled finger to my chin, I muttered, "What was the title again? Before Sunrise, I believe?"

He snerked, then broke out into a full laugh. "Crap, ya caught me. Yeah, I may have borrowed from the plot there a tad."

"Just a bit," I shook my head at him. "You're lucky Sora and Kairi haven't seen the film."

"Kinda surprised you have," he turned the car down a road that would take us towards the mall. "Pretty sure it's older than you are."

"Nothing wrong with old movies," I shrugged before wrinkling my nose at him slightly with a tiny smile. "Kind of sappy though. Wouldn't have thought that'd be your kind of movie."

Looking my way, he smirked, "What can I say? I'm a sappy guy. And hey, at least I didn't steal everything from that flick."

"True. The stuff before the train was all you."

"You helped," Lea pointed out as he pulled up to a stop sign. He then tapped his index against the steering wheel a couple times. "...outta curiosity, why'd you say Corona? Out of all the other places you must of visited on your trip, what made you pick that city?"

As the car accelerated once more, I tilted my head in thought. "Don't know really… I guess I just felt it would be a nice place to meet someone new in. That'd it make for a good story." I paused, watching some tail lights streak past us. "...the lantern festival really was beautiful. Have you ever seen it?"

Lea shook his head as he glanced up at the rearview before shifting lanes, "Nah. Had plans to on the road trip, but something else came up."

"A shame," I sighed wistfully. "You missed out."

"Wouldn't say that," he murmured, a warm flicker in his eyes. "'Sides, there's always next time."

"Suppose that's true," I nodded. "Nice touch, by the way, describing the dress I was wearing. I think I might even own one that's pretty close to it." Don't think I'd been wearing it in Corona though. But I couldn't really remember. It had been over a year ago after all.

He laughed again, fingers combing his scalp before returning the hand to my seat, now on a spot next to my ear. "Well, I did help you pack your clothes from your old condo just a couple days ago. I probably saw it then."

"Good point." That made sense. It would have been too much of a coincidence if that'd actually been what I'd had on that day. But now… should I be worried that I hadn't really been in that dress? What if someone found out the mismatch in the story? No… no, that was just me overthinking things again. Even if the tale ever reached the ears of the Duke's goon, it's not like they could go back in time to fact check. "Just one more thing now." My eyes narrowed at him, at odds with my grin. "Might want to edit the ending a bit."

"Which part?" he asked a touch too innocently, already turning us into the Dusk Town Center parking lot. "Running away to be with me? Hasn't that been the story all along?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Try a little before that."

Wouldn't have thought it possible to both purse one's lips and smile at the same time, but Lea proved me wrong in that moment. "Hmm… oh! Well, figured wooing you over the course of months sounded more believable, but if you think it works better as weeks or even days, then-"

"No no. Little after that."

"Well then, now you got me stumped cuz I know you just couldn't possibly be talking about the absolute masterpiece that was the slow seducing, helpless bed falling, pleasure hungry part."

A snort. "Why yes, actually, I could be talking about that and in fact am."

"But that's the best part!" he protested, turning to park in a space right next to a familiar Ford Focus. "It's the heart and soul, the very essence of the story! The pièce de résistance, the crowning glory."

With a good natured scoff, I unfastened my seatbelt as the car shuddered into powering down. "Well decrown it because you're dropping that bit."

He lifted his chin slightly and gave a dignified sniff, "I am a storyteller, El. An arteest. You wouldn't ask Leonardo da Vinci to remove the smile from the Mona Lisa."

Well someone had a high opinion of himself. Which honestly came as zero surprise. I fixed him with a dull stare. "Drop it or your jacket gets a giant, sticky stain before the night is out." And with that, I opened my door.

Lea scrambled out of the car and rushed over to join me on my side just as I slammed the door shut behind me. He had the decency to only spend a couple seconds looking mildly miffed at having been denied the opportunity to open and hold the car door for me before his frown melted into a smile once more. "Jeez, blackmail? Never thought you'd stoop so low. But eh," he shrugged, "jacket's black, it'll be fine."

"You're failing to see the big picture here," I crossed my arms as I waited for Rayne and Riku to get out of their own vehicle. My guess was they were probably going for another round of Seven Minutes in Heaven in there. Smirking at Lea, I elaborated, "Because then I'll wash it."

"Egads," he mocked gasp, splaying a hand against his chest, "the horror."

My smirk curled wickedly. "In a washing machine."

As my roomies finally vacated their car (faces flushed, I might add), Lea actually paled. "But it's dry clean only!"

"That's right," I said smugly and turned to walk away. "So nix that line or the jacket gets it."

"You fight dirty," he muttered as he caught up to me, slipping his hand into mine. However, he was grinning.

Huh. That wasn't what I'd been expecting. IE the face of a man who'd just suffered a crippling defeat by my hands.

I narrowed my eyes up at him. "You certainly seem pretty happy about the impending, inevitable demise of your jacket."

Now the grin was joined by a dimple as we walked. "Well, it's just that in order for you to make good on your threat, you have to take my jacket hostage. Meaning you're gonna hafta keep it after all." His head dipped down closer to mine as he swung our hands slightly. "I count that as a win for me."

...well crud.

Score one for Lea there.

Shrieks and giggles suddenly erupted behind us before Sora tore past us towards the mall's entrance with Kairi riding piggyback. Rayne laughed and tugged Riku into a stumble behind her so they could catch up while Lea and I continued to take our time, bringing up the rear.

We made our way through the food court and over to Cinema XIII. The manager with long, silver hair that I'd seen there last time was present again, off to one side where he was setting up a huge cardboard display for the latest Star Wars movie. I watched him scowl and fiddle with the lifesize lightsaber cutouts as our group purchased tickets from a blonde chick with a weird hairdo that kind of resembled antennae. As we'd approached, I could have sworn I'd seen her boredly cleaning her fingernails with a small knife, but there was no sign of the blade by the time we'd reached her register. Perhaps my eyes had just been playing tricks on me.

Tickets for our whodunit comedy flick in hand, we then moved over to concessions which was being worked by that same teen with the emo haircut that I'd also spotted here a couple weeks ago. He hardly glanced up from the book he was reading as Riku and Rayne ordered snacks and drinks from him, Sora waiting in line behind them with Kairi still latched onto his back.

"Alright, whatcha want? My treat," Lea asked as he watched the flat screens hanging behind the counter scroll flashy ads for crisp, buttery popcorn and fizzing, bubbly soda.

I blinked. "What?" Then I frowned at him. "Oh no, not happening. You already paid for dinner despite my multiple protests. I'm not letting you buy me candy too."

We were only fake dating after all, and I wouldn't even want to make a real boyfriend pay for everything!

"But it's my right as-"

I put my finger to his lips, silencing him as my eyelids drooped. "Enough with playing the boyfriend card already. You're having too much fun with that."

He puckered up and planted a tiny peck on my fingertip, sending a small jolt straight to my heart as I quickly jerked my hand back. He chuckled, "Just tell me what your fave candy is."

"Shouldn't you be able to guess?" I arched an eyebrow, stubbornly ignoring the way the tip of my finger still had a slight tingle. "Isn't that like your special gift or whatever?"

"Only with ice cream," he lightly corrected.

"Right," I crinkled my eyes at him. "How's that coming along again?"

His shoulders bobbed up and down. "It's a process."

"My turn!" Sora suddenly proclaimed loudly in front of us, dropping Kairi off his back and spinning around to get behind her.

His girlfriend gasped, "Sora no!"

"Sora yes!" he cackled, jumping onto her back, arms hugging her shoulders tight and legs wrapping around her waist as her hands automatically shifted to grasp beneath his knees. To her credit, she managed to stand for three whole shaky seconds before collapsing beneath her boyfriend's weight into a tangled heap on the floor with him.

Ah, to be young.

Never mind the fact that I was pretty sure I was only like a year older than them.

With a soft snort through my nose, I glanced back at Lea. "Well, while you keep processing, I'm going to go find our seats."

I turned to go, but he pulled me back with the hold he still had on my hand. "C'mon, just lemme buy ya something small," he insisted as he hopped over the Sora/Kairi knot that was still trying to disentangle itself, forcing me to gingerly step over the two of them as well.

Shaking my head with a sigh, I said, "Why won't you just let it go?"

He beamed. "Cuz what schmoopsie-poo wants, schmoopsie-poo gets."

Oh no he didn't.

"Uh-uh, no. Veto. You are not calling me that," I jabbed a finger into his chest.

There was a sly gleam to his eye. "Tell me what candy you want or I won't stop."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet?" he flashed a toothy grin as we stepped up to the counter now that my roommates had stepped off to one side, already munching away at their newly purchased sweets. "You'll think you died and went to schmoopsie-poo heaven."

I gave a small huff and looked away. "Small price to pay. Not budging on this."

"Fine. You've forced my hand." He turned his head to the concession worker, slapping his palm down on the countertop and proudly declaring, "I'll have one of everything, my good man!"

"What?! No, no, stop, he's joking," I hastily told the cashier, who froze mid-ringing the order up as he gave us a flat look with the one blue eye not hidden behind bangs. To Lea, I whispered, "What do you think you're doing?"

He shrugged, grin not faltering. "Figure ya gotta like at least one of 'em."

I stared at him. Then my shoulders slumped and I hung my head, grumbling, "...Junior Mints."

"You heard the lady," he chirped to the theatre employee. "And throw in a small popcorn and large Kupo-Kola too please!"

Once the junk food was acquired and paid for, we moved out of the way to join Riku and Rayne as Sora and Kairi bought their own goodies. While we were waiting, I opened up my candy and reached inside, retrieving a minty, chocolate-coated treat and popping it into my mouth.

"Can I have one?" Lea asked beside me.

I gave him a blank look. Then I glanced down at his hands, otherwise occupied with a full soda cup and a bag practically bursting with popcorn. Digging another Junior Mint out and holding it up between us, my gaze met his once more. "Say ahh."

Face brightening, his lips parted wide.

I inserted it into his nostril.

He blinked a couple times, then snorted which had the byproduct of dislodging the Junior Mint. "Okay, guess maybe I deserved that for being a lil pushy about getting you the candy."

"You most certainly did," I said matter-of-factly, eating another one. A pause while I slowly chewed before swallowing and mumbling, "...but thanks for doing it anyway."

"Heh. Don't mention it."

Kairi and Sora rejoined us then, arms piled high with sugary delights. Jeez, all that on top of the gigantic Mexican dinners they'd both devoured less than an hour ago? One had to wonder how the two of them managed to stay so skinny.

It didn't take long for us to locate our theater and when we entered, all the lights were dimmed for the trailers that had already started to play. We quietly found our seats close to the middle of the auditorium and we settled into them, Lea to the right of me and making up one end of our group while Rayne took up my other side, the rest of the gang to her right. It seemed the cinema had recently renovated with new, barely-used cushiony sofa seating, the kind that reclined.

As I pushed the button that popped out the chair's footrest and made myself more comfortable, I caught a glimpse of the others. Half way through a strand of red licorice, Rayne flinched when Riku was suddenly in her face and chomping down on the other end of the candy. Grinning, he took a few more bites, bringing their lips closer together until he could give her a smooch before pulling away, looking quite pleased with himself as she blushed and snerked, giving his shoulder a light shove. Kairi was tossing Milk Duds towards Sora's open, awaiting mouth and rewarding him with little kisses every time he successfully caught one.

Worrying my lower lip between my teeth, I glanced towards Lea out of the corner of my eye as he crunched away on some popcorn. Should we be acting all… couply right now? Like the others were? I mean, it was a dark theater… did we really need to keep the act up in here too? Would anyone really notice? Then again, I'd noticed our friends being all sickeningly cute and I hadn't even been trying to, my eyes had just wandered. So maybe it wasn't such a stretch to consider the two of us were also possibly being observed, even in here.

My gaze flicked down to the armrest I shared with Lea. It was wide enough for both our arms to lay on it side by side, elbows touching. He wasn't holding my hand at the moment, instead just resting his about an inch away from mine. Which, now that I noticed, actually felt a bit weird, oddly enough. I guess I was starting to get used to it. But perhaps I should look at this as an opportunity for some more practice. An exercise in me being the one for once to initiate a display of affection. I seriously couldn't get away with him being the one to start it all the time, right? Surely, I had to act like I liked him too.

Which, to be fair, I kind of did.

Even if it was a secret.

But now I had to wonder how does one go about, ah… what was the term? ...making a move? I'd never had to do it with my ex. I'd never particularly felt the urge, nor had he ever really encouraged me to have more initiative in that area. He'd always been the one to take charge and that seemed to be the way he'd liked it. It seemed to be what was expected of our relationship, by him, by my family, by the world of upper society that I had lived in for so long. But I was no longer in that world. Things were different here. I was different. And I needed to show that to my parents. And one way I could show that was by doing this.

So then… exactly how do I do this?

...well I suppose I could start by moving my hand in the general direction of his. Seemed simple enough… right?

Gulping and holding my breath, I slowly, oh so very slowly started reaching for his hand. As my fingers crept closer, the pounding in my ribcage grew louder and louder. A hairbreadth away from skin contact, I hesitated, what little courage I'd mustered already dwindling. But after a second, my face hardened. I needed to do this. For the sake of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really. For the sake of a continued future free from my parents' control. With a newfound resolve burning in my chest, I pushed on.

My pinky barely brushed against his knuckle.

Nope! No way. Mm-mm, not happening!

I snatched my hand back, blushing furiously.

The blush of a failure. Pathetic.

However the touch, no matter how light and brief, hadn't gone unnoticed. Lea glanced my way, his head tipping slightly. Then he smiled, shifting his popcorn out of his lap over to his right while moving the soda from the cupholder between us to the one on his other side. Then he lifted the armrest separating us, folding it back between our chairs before slinging an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close so my head was pillowed by his chest.

I tensed for several seconds before relaxing against him, clearing my throat and, if possible, blushing even harder.

Well then.

Guess I no longer needed to worry about us not looking couply.

Even if I hadn't been the one to initiate.

...tomorrow. I would do a better job tomorrow.

As the last of the trailers ended and opening credits for the movie began filling the big screen, Lea ducked his head down next to mine. I could feel him grinning against my ear as he whispered, "This boyfriend model comes equipped with all the latest technology, including hilarious movie commentary. Would you like that feature enabled now?"

I leaned my head back a bit as I turned to look him in the eye. He cocked a playful eyebrow at me. Feeling one corner of my lips tug up, I whispered back, "Commentary on."

"You got it."

I was not disappointed.

"Is this really totally necessary?"

"Oh absolutely. Your uncle's spies could be anywhere, ever vigilant and watching at all times."

"Even here? In the parking lot for my own apartment?" I frowned dubiously.

I could feel him nodding against my hair. "Especially here. I'll have you know I've seen at least three cars pass us already, each one more suspicious and shady than the last."

Date night had been a rousing success, if I did say so myself. We'd had a good time with friends, dinner was amazing and delicious, and the movie had been excellent. But as everyone knows, all good dates (even the fake ones) must come to an end. And at the end of every date, some sort of goodnight ritual is often at the very least customary, if not absolutely essential. Traditionally, this usually takes the form of the infamous goodnight kiss. However, since I'd already taken any sort of liplock completely and one hundred percent off the table, Lea had instead opted for a hug.

One… extremely and uncomfortably long hug.

...okay, that was a lie. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. In fact, was actually quite nice. Pleasant, even. Ten out of ten, would recommend.

We stood next to his car at the moment, my apartment building just a few yards away. After he'd parked and we'd both climbed out, he'd pulled my arms up to wrap around his neck, his hands once again finding their way under the leather jacket to encircle my waist, hugging me close as he'd rested his cheek atop my head. And so we had remained for quite some time now.

Kairi and Sora were no longer with us, having parted ways back at the mall, but I could see Rayne and Riku off to one side near their own vehicle, enthusiastically taking part in some cuddle time themselves while they waited for me. Which actually I really appreciated. Without their added presence here, I'd probably be getting a lot more awkward a lot more quickly about The Hug That Would Not End.

That said…

"We've been at this for at least five minutes now. Wouldn't you call that a bit, er.." I shifted my feet, resisting the urge to squirm, "...excessive?"

His hold on me didn't budge. "Gotta be convincing. 'Sides, we're obviously still in the honeymoon period of our relationship. You know, when the couple takes forever and a day telling each other goodbye a thousand times before actually leaving. Otherwise known as the No-You-Hang-Up-First phase."

My brow furrowed. "I thought that was only made-up for TV. Real people don't actually do that, do they?"

"Yup," I felt another nod. "Trust me, I'm an expert. I know these things."

I squinted off into space. "...haven't you only ever done one night stands?"

"Shush, I said trust me on this," he murmured.

And shush I did. I suppose I could look at this as a sort of… endurance training? Get me more used to his hugs so I'd be less awkward about them in public? Make them seem more natural? Yeah, okay. This might be good for me. Let's see how long I could keep this up.

...answer? Not long.

Tentatively trying to pull away, I began, "Alright, maybe we should-"

"One more minute," he insisted, squeezing me tighter and shifting his head down now to instead nuzzle against my neck. His nose was cold and his breath tickled against my skin, making my cheeks warm. Welp, so much for not squirming.

Huh. He really seemed to be taking this whole pretend boyfriend thing very seriously. This was some extreme dedication to the role.

And there my insides went all over again, doing the whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing. Alright, just breathe. Deep, calming breaths. Remember: Conceal, don't feel.

...maybe just focus on the concealing part. The not feeling part was already a lost cause.

"Ya know," Rayne's voice suddenly piped up nearby, causing me to jump, "maybe you two don't have to say goodnight just yet." Lea straightened up, loosening his grip on me just enough for us both to turn our heads to see she'd joined us. Gracing us with a sly smirk, she said, "I mean, if you want to really drive this date home for any eyes that might be prying, Lea could always, ya know..." her eyebrows bounced as she leaned in closer to whisper conspiratorially, "stay the night."

"What?!" My face erupted into blistering heat, the likes of which would've put the Sahara Desert to utter shame. "N...No! Absolutely not! How could you possibly even-"

She laughed, her finger booping my nose. "Relax, you silly goose. Of course he'd only sleep on the living room sofa! S'not like your grunkle's minion would have x-ray vision into our home."

Oh.

That's what she'd meant.

Well of course that's what she'd meant. It's not like she'd ever really suggest…

Actually, no, this was Rayne we were talking about here. I honestly wouldn't have put it past her.

She elbowed Lea in the arm, "So whaddya say, stud?"

He smiled, removing one hand from my waist to rub at the nape of his neck. "Well, I'd planned on getting some reading done for my classes tonight. But I do have my book bag in the backseat, so I suppose I could just as easily read here on your couch." His gaze shifted back down to mine, "That is of course, as long as you're okay with it!"

My face still recovering from its abrupt and devastating heatwave, I looked down and muttered, "Well, I… I suppose, ah… sure. Okay. I mean, just to keep up appearances… " My eyes flicked back up towards Rayne, "Thanks. I guess that's… actually a pretty good idea."

"Of course it is! I came up with it!" she beamed, planting her fists on her hips and puffing up her chest. Then she turned back to her husband, pressing her lips to his cheek as she linked her arm in his and led him over to the building entrance. Lea at last fully released me, but only long enough to unlock his car and pull out a messenger bag that looked heavy with textbooks. Kicking the door shut, he slung the strap of the bag over his head to hang across his chest before slipping an arm around my shoulders, grinning down at me as we followed the other two inside.

Once in our apartment, he removed the arm while Rayne pulled some spare pillows and bed sheets from the closet, tossing them onto the longest couch for Lea. Then grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she unscrewed the cap and held her drink up high. "A toast! To Lea's sleepover! May it be the first of many!" she declared before tossing her head back to chug half the bottle.

Riku just snerked, shaking his head while Lea scratched his cheek with a weak chuckle and walked over to drop his bag on the sofa next to the blankets. I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my fingers between my eyebrows with a soft sigh. Still, she had a point. I suppose it was only natural for my "boyfriend" to stay the night with some amount of frequency. Oh gosh, I hope this wouldn't be too much of an imposition on Lea.

As Rayne recapped the water bottle and put it down on the kitchen table, Riku stepped up to her, taking both her hands in his and pressing their foreheads together. "Hon, why don't we head to bed early tonight?" he asked, tone low and eyes hooded.

"Mmm," she breathed him in, smiling up at him through lowered lashes and nodding, "sounds good." As he pulled her towards their bedroom, Rayne glanced back at us. "Good night, you two! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she winked and waved before disappearing through the door, closing it behind her.

Silence followed. It felt strangely sudden and almost deafening.

I slowly turned to look at Lea.

He looked back, giving me a tiny smile.

That's when it struck me.

This was the first time in two full days I'd been alone with Lea. Like, really alone. Not in public, not where we had to put on the boyfriend-girlfriend act. Even when it'd just been the two of us in his car earlier tonight, even then we'd still had kind of been in the relative safety of pretend date mode. Besides, driving around in a car was completely different from being alone with him here, now, in my apartment late at night. Now that there was no more reason for all the hand holding, forehead kisses, and other little touches, things felt… well I wouldn't exactly say wrong per se, but more felt just kind of… off?

Panic was beginning to set in.

My mind was drawing a total blank.

I… didn't know how to be around him now. Not when we didn't have to fake a relationship anymore.

I'd forgotten how to act normal.

I think he could sense it too. The weirdness that had suddenly popped up out of nowhere. His eyebrows knit together, his gaze shifting about for a couple seconds. Then he opened his mouth to say something.

"Good night!" I loudly blurted out first.

Then I was in my bedroom so fast, you would have thought I'd spontaneously developed the power to teleport.

I slammed the door shut behind me, pressing my spine flat to it, eyes wide and taking shallow breaths through my nose. A few seconds passed where I just forced myself to inhale and exhale slowly a few times, trying to calm down. Then I winced, lightly banging the back of my head against the door.

Good job, Elsa. Way to make things mildly awkward. And for no real reason at all, you useless, hermitic dope!

With a small scowl, I shrugged out of the leather jacket and tossed it onto my bed. Then I unzipped my ankle boots, kicking them off and started pacing the length of my room back and forth, my hands twisting at my braid.

I couldn't just leave things like that. I had to talk to him. I had to toughen up and find an excuse to march my butt back out there. But what excuse?

My feet paused mid step as I glanced around my room for a minute before landing on one of my walls. Not just any wall. The one I shared with Riku's and Rayne's bedroom. Then I lightly tapped one fist into my palm. That's it! I quickly moved to my nightstand, opening the top drawer. Amongst its contents was a plastic baggie of earplugs. Digging out a pair and dropping the bag back into the drawer before closing it again, I then stepped over to my door. I took a second to take a deep breath and gather myself, standing up straighter and flicking my braid back behind me. Then with a firm, determined nod, I turned the knob and pulled, walking back out into the living room.

Lea was sitting on the couch that would be doubling for his bed tonight, arms splayed out wide to either side atop its backrest while he read the textbook that laid open in his lap. He'd pulled his hair out of its ponytail so his crimson locks were once again wild and free and he'd taken off his long-sleeved undershirt, now just wearing the tee.

Looking up at me, he all but leapt up to his feet. "El! Hi! I-" he grunted as the book he'd apparently forgotten was in his lap crashed down hard onto his foot.

I sucked in a tiny breath through my teeth with a frown, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out, "You okay?"

"Fine," he groaned. "I didn't need that toe anyway. It was only holding me back. Just dead weight." He laughed it off as he picked the textbook up off the floor, tossing it behind him onto the cushions before crossing his arms, "So, was there, ah… did you forget something?"

"Yes," I took a little step towards him, then frowned, glancing away. "Well, no…" I started to take a step back before catching myself. Wrong way, dork. "That is to say, sort of… er, I just...hm…" I thrust one fist forward, opening it palm facing up to reveal the earplugs, "Here!"

He stared down at them blankly. Then at me.

"Oh!" I gasped. "Right! Some sort of explanation would probably help." I gave a nervous heh. "So… uh… you know, those two," I gestured with my chin towards my roommates' bedroom door, "well, they just… the look they were giving each other before they went to bed, it's… well, it's a look I'm very familiar with from them. You know the look, the kind that should come with its own Marvin Gaye soundtrack. And those two… when they get going, they can really rattle the old headboard, if you know what I mean." A beat. Then I blanched. "Of course you know what I mean! Right, moving on. So uh… they are not quiet about it and they're definitely not quick. And these walls? They're thin. I'm talking like tissue paper thin. And not even the good Kleenex Deluxe kind of tissue, more like the cruddy, two-bit kind you'd get at the dollar store that just disintegrates if you even so much as breathe on it." Great, now I was just plain babbling. "These walls may as well not even be there for all the sound they block. Or rather, don't block. Then again, if they weren't there, then we'd not only hear but also see-" Wrap it up, girl, wrap it up. "A-Anyway! So just… just take these. You'll thank me later, believe me."

His eyes crinkled and he nodded, plucking them from my hand. "Alright, I'll take your word for it. Thanks."

Good. Okay. Yes, this was going well.

...huh. Though… slight hitch in the plan…

What now? I hadn't exactly thought this far ahead.

Maybe this was enough. I could now just make a graceful exit, leaving things in a better place than where I had previously. Yeah, that sounded good.

I gave him a tight-lipped grin, inching backwards as I pointed towards my room. "Okay then, I think I'll just…" But as I turned, my eyes landed on Rayne's and Riku's door again and I froze and grimaced. "Ah, shoot," I hissed under my breath.

"Problem?" I heard Lea ask behind me.

I shook my head, "I meant to ask Rayne to unzip my dress before she went to bed since the zipper is just where I can't reach and-" I blinked, then glanced over my shoulder at him sheepishly before fully turning to face him. "And why am I even telling you this? Forget I said anything. It's nothing, I'll figure it out."

"I can do it," he tossed the ear plugs onto the coffee table between us before stepping around it.

Waving my hands rapidly back and forth in front of me, I said, "No, it's fine. Really, you don't have to-"

"Don't be silly, just let me help you," he came to stop in front of me.

I tucked in my lower lip. Maybe I was just being silly about this. I mean, what was the big deal? Really? "...o-okay," I sighed, turning my back to him once more and sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, running my hands down its length a few times. At least my old nemesis, The Blush, had the common courtesy to wait until I was no longer looking at Lea before creeping its way up into my cheeks.

I could sense him taking another step closer to me, could hear his gentle breathing as I felt his fingers undo the clasp at the top of the zipper. One of his fingertips incidentally grazed my skin and I couldn't stop a tiny shiver. Then there was a pause. Like… a long pause. I frowned straight ahead, uncertain. Nothing seemed to be happening. I turned my head slightly, stopping just short of actually being able to look back at him. "...everything okay?"

"Uh… yeah, the uh…" he cleared his throat, "...the stupid thing just got stuck for a sec there, but it's all good now." At last, the sound of the dress unzipping reached my ears. "There ya go, you're all set!"

My hand darted to clutch at the back of my dress, holding it together as I whipped around to face him. My blush? Only seemed to be growing in strength. I started backing away, "Th-thanks… for that. That was really… something. Nice! That was nice. Of you. To do that… for me. I-" I crashed into my door frame and stumbled. "Oops. Heh. Who put that there? Um… anyway…"

And on that eloquent and fully formed note, I dashed into my room, banging the door closed. Then I puffed out a breath, slumping down to sit on the floor as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

Great. Just dandy. I hadn't left things mildly awkward this time. Oh no, I'd only left them mega, ultra, super awkward now. Progress! Superb. Just perfect.

That's it. It's decided. I'm not fit for human contact. I was just going to barricade myself in this room and never come out ever again. Ever. Period. The outside world would be better off without me anyhow. Good bye, people. Hello, sweet sweet solitude. I-

I heard a muffled buzz and my head snapped up. It'd come from Lea's jacket on my bed. I squinted at it for a second. Then it clicked. My phone! I half crawled, half scrabbled over to it, digging into the pocket and pulling it out, swiping the screen.

There was a new text from Lea.

2nite was fun

I blinked, looking over at my door. Then back down at my phone, pursing my lips to one side. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a second. Then slowly I began to type.

I thought so too.

I waited as those three little dots hopped in a row.

We shud totes do it again sometime

A huff of amusement escaped through my nose, the tension starting to leave my body.

I'd really like that.

Then I tipped my head to one side, grinning slightly as I tapped away further.

I'm paying next time though.

The dots were dancing on my screen again.

Aight, if u insist. But b warned, Im not a cheap date

Now I actually laughed.

I can live with that.

Perhaps I'd been a bit too hasty. Maybe there was no need to barricade myself in here. Not just yet anyway. I'd hold off for a bit.

At least long enough to see what tomorrow would bring.

Author's Note: Anyone else notice Lea's shirts seem to be getting tighter and tighter every new excuse he has to see Elsa out of his work clothes? I think he's subconsciously putting on a courtship display to present himself as a sexually viable mate xD Ahem, moving on… Fun Fact 1: Fuente Del Oro is a real, Coco-themed restaurant over in Disneyland Park in Paris! Google translate says the name means "Gold Fountain", oooOOooo pretty! I really hope Coco makes it into one of the future KH games eventually! Fun Fact 2: Elsa's dress this chapter is inspired by her purple dress from when she sings Into The Unknown in Frozen 2! Just picture it shorter and more cocktail-dressy. And I know in the movie, that purple dress is a nightgown, but shhh, we'll just forget that part. And the dress Lea described in his "how we met" story? Loosely based on Elsa's Show Yourself dress - again just picture it shorter, more practical and more sundressy xD Also if you haven't heard of it, Before Sunrise is a real movie, not to mention a real SAPPY movie. Kind of slow, but cute. I'd actually never heard of it until I started writing this chapter - saw a gif go by on tumblr of the lead couple from the movie doing something adorable that made me go "oh gosh, that's SO Lea and Elsa!" and had to watch it xD I'm kind of happy it came along when it did though, cuz it gave me inspiration for Lea's "how we met" story :)

Next chapter, what new challenges will Elsa face in her adventures in fake dating? Will she ever be able to work up the courage to initiate a display of affection herself? Just how much of a "not a cheap date" is Lea really? What about his shirts? CAN they get any tighter? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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delbeugre · 4 years

Text

Have you seen SADIE BEUGRE? DEL is in HER/THEIR SENIOR year. The MATHEMATICS MAJOR is 24 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE/THEY are GRITTY, BEWITCHING, RETICENT and WASPISH. Rumors say they’re a member of HASTINGS. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE BIT AN EX-BOYFRIEND’S PINKY FINGER OFF AFTER SHE FOUND OUT HE CHEATED, AND THEN HAPPILY SERVED TIME FOR IT.

im tommy im a freak and of course i am here to get freakalicious with u all... this is my newest frankenstein type creation named sadie i know .02% about her yet but i am more than confident she will b nothing but a fun time! like this if ur down to plot!

TW: VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF JAIL/PROSECUTION, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DRUG USE

BACKSTORY

capricorn sun / virgo moon / scorpio rising

raised by her uncle Big (his name) who is a hermit shut in town local in the depths of the florida marshland like some goosebumps protagonist. hes gone far past socially acceptable in terms of his ability to connect with the modern person but is wise beyond belief... his whole vibe is a warped cross between a cryptid and a mountain man that forages and cooks neighborhood plants. married for 27 years before his wife passed from illness. its quite possibly the only thing hes ever been emotional about

but dels entry to his life throws a wrench in his sadness (despite abandonment being what they bond over). she takes the focus away from his loss with her presence; her dad, his brother, died in a tragic train-car collision around the same time (which is speculated to be a suicide bt nobody can ever really be sure). he was a single parent so her custody is thrown up in the air for a few months as cps decides what they r gna do with this freshly orphaned little scrapper

she just kinda turns up on his doorstep n from there they cohabit a space. shes arnd 6-7 at this time... big never seemed to b phased by the fact tht she was a child n tended to treat her more like an apprentice or guest. he was never close to her father because of their age difference, being the older out of the two, so to have his daughter become his responsibility is just..... weird

this doesnt mean that he wouldnt provide for her bt it was. not very parental whatsoever.... no conversation or interaction beyond what was necessary. she was a mute fr a while and still is? to a degree.... very short spoken

when she got to her preteens he offered her an allowance in exchange for little odds and ends of stuff to be taken care of around the house. errands n all tht.... sometimes he wld purposefully leave things for her to pick up n take care of without mentioning it for a bonus. taught her the importance of saving your money and the horrid corruptness of a society basing everythings worth off paper. big exposed her to a lot of knowledge and took advantage of her silent curiosity by fueling it with books, homeschooling, life skills (catching a fish, setting a trap, knowing your berries in the woods...... the works)

her teens carried out the same way bt with the introduction of a real job, a spot down at the local butcher shop checking people out at the register and helping around the back of house. del knows a great deal abt cow/pig/chicken/etc anatomy from her years here..... she committed to being 100% vegan into her early twenties because of her trauma frm this occupation

it paid very well tho n was the best gig she was going to get within a reasonable biking route from home. so she settled!

the plan wasnt to keep it up for long anyway. she worked rly hard for her spot at yates and didnt intend to ever screw herself over. her plan was to get her bachelors, masters, become a professor, pursue a personal hobby of agriculture and build an elaborate greenhouse to live in

bt things happen.....

some 35yr old douche with a green thumb woos her at a gardening store n swoops in to teach her a little more abt romance; all of this, of course, under the guise that he had all these tips and tricks for living environmentally friendly. a lame hippie wannabe that shouldve never even approached her bt alas.... he did

love is a touchy subject n it hadnt been something she set her sights on, but she was interested in wht this dude could teach her n at 19 she ended up falling in love. she delayed her education to stay an extra year back home and work out another plan which included him

this was very disappointing to her uncle bt he didnt have anything to say abt it. it was never parental before n it was never going to be, so this was another lesson she wld just have to overcome on her own

it turns out that she doesnt care for infidelity. when the confession comes out its met with a lot of screaming, bawling, blistering white hot anger. the whole incident is blacked out of her mind to b honest....

matters of the heart are no longer something to concern herself with because of the repercussions of her rash behavior regarding heartbreak O________O she spent a year in jail n still has to attend therapy / anger management meetings

deep down she is still hurting. there was a lot of pain... bt the sadness is not over the loss of some noob. she is in a state of constant disappointment, detaching from herself out of shame. putting her own life on pause only for it to turn out like that? stupid stupid stupid...

PERSONALITY

chugging along! tldr spectre-like swamp nymph aura with the slightest (not so slight) unhinged feral tendencies

delicate like a moth resting in the gleam of a flashlight.... her anger singes her wings when shes too comfortable staying in one place, so theres always constant stimulation, always shifting gears. shes prone to feeling threatened; that being said, sadie is wary of walking in crowds, a little bit skittish when approached without making eye contact beforehand. like a small grey kitten..... in a big wide world

has a hard time keeping a conversation bt is very interested in debate, and even more so in studying alongside someone in complete silence. it reminds her of home in the same sense tht her uncle wld nudge her to keep reading by always having his own book open

doesnt have many friends and is alright with that. rumors are tht she is still a virgin bt who really knows? not i...... bt i wldnt be surprised if this was true. shes not impressed by people nor material items so this whole yates crowd is a turn off

she is truly clueless when it comes to how to behave around anyone her age. i think she understands but it just doesnt compute. she could come off as impolite bt it is just standoffishness? some people cld try to crack her but i dont think even she knows what that would be, or what that would look like. even in her one (1) failed relationship it was never deep heart to hearts or sharing dinner..... solitude is her realm

del is very comfortable with herself, very open with her wardrobe! doesnt leave too much to the imagination? she appreciates the human experience n expresses that thru this whole “body is a temple” type thing.... not quite confidence, but proudness of being. has gotten multiple notices frm professors for her tops being too sheer, nylons too ratted up, etc. has dirt under her fingernails half the time, chipped polish, some chapstick. smudges her eyeshadow on with her fingers

doesnt smoke cigarettes all too often but is dependent on weed. it kinda perpetuates her paranoid demeanor bt at the same time it keeps her lax enough to be able to mentally handle city life

her room is a playground for huge monstera plants, christmas cacti, ivy creeping along the doorway. she sleeps on a tiny thin mattress on the floor with a linen sheet and has her books stacked up on the ground next to it to hold her ashtray. the whole thing is dumb empty

takes her studies seriously and pinches every penny she can..... she has never ordered herself a coffee frm somewhere before, ordered food frm a restaurant... nothing. i wld think the most she would branch out from harvesting everything on her own is buying a bag of sunflower seeds frm a gas station, but even then, she much prefers eating stuff she grows herself. has a tomato plant, some basil beginning to sprout, etc.... manageable crops for any college students tiny space

...

bt yea thats it thats all! connections cld be all over the place. im legit open to anything. theres only a few tht come to mind right off that bat:

a few people that get along with her? same classes? they shared a bowl n now theyre getting into the nitty gritty of some personal conversation that is veering into no mans land....

some sort of clueless makeover moment? arent rly into sadie as a person bt see a lot of potential... perhaps need a plus one to a party on the fly and figure thats the best option theyve got

crushes? this wld be fun n potentially dangerous! like playing with a hot cast iron pan or something :)

again im vry new to rp so i wld like to leave a lot of stuff up to chemistry, brainstorming n stuff like that, but please consider everything on the table! what i hav mentioned is the tip of the iceberg im so burnt out n i wrote a lot more than i intended to i am so sorry but i promise i am friendly

#yatesintro #/tw implied violence #/tw death mention #/tw drug use #/tw jail mention

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forkanna · 3 years

Link

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

They were about to find out.

Okina City had more opportunities for fun compared to the sleepy town of Inaba. Lots more shopping, dining, sights, sounds, smells. Rise breathed in the atmosphere with a huge grin as she walked through Okina Station, a slight warmth blossoming in her middle; even if she was very comfortable in her hometown, she did start to feel stir crazy due to the limited activities available. It was nice to get out once in awhile.

"Ebi-chaaaaan!" she called out to her cheerfully as she jogged down the station steps. The teen queen clad in the pink A-line with the kitschy black belt barely turned to look at her when she was tackled from behind.

"AH! Hey, hey, easy on the merchandise! Which is me, of course."

"Nope! We're gonna start bonding right away! I won't let you down!" That was one of her catchphrases in a drama she had starred in briefly. She even threw in a wink.

"Ugh. I'm not a hugger, okay?"

"Well, you said you wanted to give friendship a trial run, and this is the kind of thing friends do."

"Fine. Now that we're here, Atzrbucks or that fancy place? Chagall?"

Rise waggled her eyebrows at Ebihara, who only raised her own. "Oooh, fancy. You going to treat us with Daddy's money?"

"Sure. I mean, what do I care? As long as I don't buy a random sports car it's like the bank account is bottomless." Then she sighed. "No… I said I would stop doing that. And I will. But I don't think going to an upscale cafe would be a problem."

So they moved on to the Cafe Chagall. As they walked, Ebihara cast a longing look aside at a clothing store called Croco Fur, but she didn't stop until they were inside the lovely restaurant just past the boutique.

"Hey, you sure you didn't want to hit that place?"

"What?" Ai asked distractedly as they claimed one of the seats in the corner. "Oh… no, not really. I used to go there a lot… with…"

She didn't even have to finish. Rise frowned across the table at her. "I miss him, too."

"Hey, we don't have to spend this whole time throwing ourselves a pity party," she scoffed. "To hell with that. We are a couple of gorgeous, fierce women, and the world is our oyster. Maybe we can cruise a few guys."

"Oh, you're over Yu-kun already?" she asked, surprised.

"No. But it doesn't seem to matter, does it? He's gone anyway."

Rise felt her heart strings twinge. Poor Ai didn't even want to admit that she missed him — or at least, not the full extent of how much she missed him. So she reached across the white-and-blue-plaid tablecloth to pat her hand.

"So is that a no on cruising for guys?"

"I dunno," Rise laughed softly, taking her hand back as a man with dark glasses approached. She would have thought he was some random creep if not for the apron denoting he worked there.

"Good morning. You are more brave than I expected from girls of your age."

"I… huh?"

"My brewing process results in a blend that requires strong intestinal fortitude to weather," he went on in an ominous tone, jaw set behind his goatee. "I refuse to compromise my standards for anyone, even women."

"Excuse me?" Ebi demanded with raised eyebrows, sitting back and folding her arms over her chest. "You think we can't handle your coffee just because we're girls?"

"Hey, we're a lot stronger than you think, dude," Rise shot up at him. But unlike her friend, she felt guilty afterward and bowed slightly. "Sir." He was their elder, after all, and the owner of the establishment by the look of things.

"Are you?" he murmured, turned away from their table and staring off into the distance like some kind of anti-hero. "Very well. Then you shall place your order and the chips will fall where they may."

They both stared at him for a moment before Ai said, "Anyway… I'll have a nonfat latte, a drizzle of caramel."

"We don't serve that here. Not on my watch."

"Then what do you sell?" Rise asked more reasonably, hoping if she wasn't rude they would get this interaction over with quicker. "I thought I saw some pastries in the case on our way in."

"That is none of my concern."

"What kind of place is this, exactly?" Ai demanded in a rising tone of voice. "Do you want us to be clientele or do you want us to take our business elsewhere? Because you sure don't act like it matters if you make a sale right now!"

The man slowly shook his head, still staring into the distance. "That matters not. Only the experience, the rejuvenation of your mind."

Before her friend could speak again, Rise quickly said, "Two! We'll take two, and a couple of scones. Or whatever cake. Just bring us something."

The other two looked a little surprised, but the man did nod and move off behind the counter. "Got rid of Mr. Intensity 1994," Ai whispered. "I'm impressed, Kujikawa."

"Thank you, thank you. I'm doing my best!" She gave an exaggerated wink and giggle, earning her a long sigh from the other girl. "Okay, okay. So now we're here, we ordered coffee. What's up next?"

"You're asking me? I thought you were some big expert on friendship. Everybody knows you."

Rise smiled, looking around at the rest of the customers in the cafe. People going about their lives. "You would really think so, wouldn't you?"

"Hmm?"

"Listen. Just because I'm popular now doesn't mean I always was. Nobody expected me to amount to anything my whole life. And my parents… I still don't think they care about me. When I was little, all they wanted was for me to behave myself, so I did my best, like I always do, hoping that would earn their love. At least my grandmother has always believed in me, but even her, I would overhear her talking to my mom, telling her how worried she was that I wasn't going to be able to find my way in life. So… until I won that idol competition, I pretty much thought I was trash along with everybody else."

There was a small noise from the other side of the table. When she looked up, she could see Ebihara's lips squirming. "Ugh. It's really hard not to insult you when it's so easy. You're making it easy! Are you trying to trip me up on purpose?"

"What? No! God, can you stop being so paranoid? I'm really opening up to you — and you're the one over there coming up with insults!"

"FINE!" But immediately after half-shouting that, she ducked her head and covered her eyes. "No… you're right, I'm being a dick. Ignore me."

"Yeah, that might be a little difficult when the whole point of today is me getting to know you," she laughed.

"UGH."

"Hey. You seemed to talk with no problem last night, over text. Is it just harder to do it in person?"

This time, despite being taller than Rise, Ebihara looked small and helpless. With visible effort, she leaned forward and whispered, "I don't have to hear people's tone."

"Huh? What tone?"

"Mocking tone. You… tease me, everybody's teasing me… it's been like that my entire life. I had to change my behavior and assert my dominance, take control of my destiny. Or I would have been kicked around forever. Surely you can understand, after what you just told me."

Rise started to defend herself, the words were on the tip of her tongue. But she forced herself to say nothing until she had fully absorbed everything her schoolmate was telling her. Then she reached across to grasp Ebihara's wrist — ignoring the way she started at the touch.

"I'm not making fun of you all the time. Teasing you sometimes, yeah, a little. Nothing major. But even when I do that, it doesn't mean I think you're stupid, or not a person! You're just a huge bitch to everybody and I feel like you deserve being poked at now and then. To keep your head from getting too big."

Though her friend had tensed all over at the b-word, she relaxed as she listened to the rest, even if her expression was not too terribly thrilled. "I guess I am a huge bitch. But everybody else was to me first. I thought that's what I had to do to survive."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "It's a pretty valuable skill. I had to learn that one, too, but I also learned to start off with a big smile. So it's… kinda both? Works out best using both but starting with charm."

"Hmm… I don't… have that." Now she just looked completely lost. "You're probably sitting there thinking how pathetic this all is. How pathetic I am."

"Nope. Just that it's really sad everybody around you was so mean that they turned you into Regina George. It's not your fault. I think you probably did the best you could to be fabulous instead of frustrated."

"I did. And when we moved to Inaba, I swore to myself that I would never be bullied again. That I would take control of my destiny and totally reinvent myself. And I did! But I guess… you and Narukami have really proven to me that my journey isn't finished yet."

"Nope," she said with a big grin. And this time…

Ai smiled back at her. The expression was hesitant, the smile tiny, and her eyes were just as sad as they had been before. But it was such a big step in the right direction that Rise felt her heart leap in her chest. It was working! Maybe deep down, she had believed it was a pointless endeavour, but it was working against all those odds. Miracles happened every day.

"I got you," Rise said quietly, gripping tighter. "For real."

"Gross. But… thank you." The moment passed, and Ai pulled her hands back into her lap with a clearing of her throat. "Ugh, too much sharing and caring. Now I feel weird. Where is our goddamn coffee?!"

"Right here."

Both girls practically threw their chairs back from the table as their intimidating waiter set down a tray in front of them. As requested, two cups of coffee, and two scones.

"Oh… I, u-uh, thanks," Rise managed with a shaky smile. "What do we owe you?"

"Perhaps nothing. Perhaps… everything. Only time will tell." As he adjusted his sunglasses, a gleam reflected from the lighting; it was oddly cinematic. Privately, Rise thought she should probably mention this guy to the next casting director she worked for.

"Freak," Ai muttered as she pulled her cup of coffee closer once he had left them in peace. "Alright, it smells pretty good, but strong… should we just suck it up and, well, suck it up?"

Giggling, she said, "Good one. Alright… one, two… three!" Both of them took a healthy swallow.

And the world turned itself inside-out. The twisting in their guts couldn't possibly have been natural. Who would craft such a beverage? Why did they hate humanity?! It was as if they were being directly injected with adrenaline, all while the warmest, darkest creature ever spawned tried to claw its way out of their stomachs. This was far too much for any teenage girl to be expected to tolerate. In fact…

In fact…

~ o ~

When Rise came back to herself, she found she was lying down. Why? And where was she?

Once she sat up, she saw the barely-familiar surroundings of Cafe Chagall and only felt her confusion grow. Did she really pass out in the middle of a restaurant?! This was going to be some spectacular tabloid fodder if anyone had recognised her and decided to whip out their cell phone; not that everyone would do that, but just enough people to make it a concern. They would probably all start whispering about her having an underage drinking problem.

Well, to hell with that. Careful not to rub her face so she didn't smudge her barely-there makeup, she pinched the bridge of her nose and looked around.

"Oh."

Ebihara was blinking across at her, in a similar dazed state. Then she suddenly scooted away… on the long bench they were perched upon. Which wasn't even where they had begun — they were at a table with chairs! Though if they were both like that, it probably meant…

She had been lying with her head in Ai's lap. Wasn't that a little too close for them barely being friends?

"What… the hell…?"

"What did you do to me?" Ai breathed, her hazel eyes wide, chest rising and falling rapidly. Then a little more strongly, "Hey, I did not sign up for this. You had better explain yourself right now."

"Me?! Are you kidding? You had better be kidding, I really hope you don't think I could do something like-"

"Well I never thought we could have some kind of serial killer in a crappy little town like Inaba, either, and look how that turned out!"

Rise shook her head out firmly, clutching it through her hair as she pushed all that from her mind and tried to focus. "That coffee... call me crazy, but I think… that had something to do with it?"

"You are correct."

Both girls just about jumped out of their skin again before Ebihara shot to her feet and snapped, "Are you insane? I should have my daddy sue you for trying to frighten us to death!"

"To die would be a grand adventure," the mysterious man replied, eyes still shrouded by his sunglasses.

"Wow, not your choice. As soon as you're done spouting weird mystical crap, you can see about giving us a refund."

A long pause. "We do not believe in the myth of refunds."

"Just give us our money!"

~ o ~

"Well, I guess that was kind of a bust."

Ebihara looked as furious as Rise had ever seen her look as they stomped their way out the door. "Can you believe that weird old man? He might even have been some kind of creep — maybe he did things to us while we were unconscious! He-"

Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks, and Rise nearly ran into her. "Wha- hey! What's wrong? I hope you're not thinking about going back in there, I've had enough!"

"No… no, I suppose he wasn't a creep. Or he would have…"

With no forewarning, Ai took a sharp left and speedwalked inside Croco Fur. It was all Rise could do to keep up with her, still completely bewildered as to the reasons behind her bizarre behavior.

"Hello hello!" called out the cheerful woman behind the counter, bowing quickly. "Welcome! It's been a while, Miss Ebihara!"

"Yeah, yeah," she replied distractedly as she glanced behind her, as if she were running from some kind of demon. But the only one there was Rise — whose eyebrows were lifted so high they were practically part of her hairline now. "U-um, what do you have that's on sale?"

The woman started. "On sale? You've never been interested in that before, you just wanted to know what was new or trendy. And then told me-" She suddenly cut off and cleared her throat with an awkward smile. "My apologies, you can shop for whatever you want, of course!"

"Thanks, Reiko. C'mon."

Rise nearly stumbled when she was suddenly being dragged across the room toward sale racks. But she was too poised to actually faceplant; all that modeling experience.

"Okay," she hissed once they were in the corner, their lowered voices covered by sugary pop music playing overhead. "Spill, Ebi. What's gotten into you?"

"I'm just… really creeped out about that guy. Sorry." Ai finally refocused on her companion and grimaced. "Sorry, really. I know I'm acting like a spaz."

"Yeah! I mean, I'm freaking a little myself, but I'm pretty sure he just moved us to that couch because we passed out. Wow, what does he put in that coffee?!"

Out of nowhere, Ebihara started to chuckle. The sound was so unexpected that Rise just blinked at her for a moment, bewildered, before she finally started to laugh along with her. Then they were clutching each other's shoulders to keep from falling over due to the overwhelming power of their mirth.

"What the hell?!" Ebi finally giggled. "It's… not funny, it's terrifying!"

"I know!" she laughed back, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "We should probably call the police or something!"

Nodding as she grinned down at her friend, the girl who was normally such a bitch now looked like she was having the time of her life. Such a stark contrast. "Okay… okay, I'm done. We should probably shop so we don't look stupid."

Which they did. They didn't find much of interest, but they did enjoy flicking through the racks and commenting on how bad some of the selections were. Ebihara found a scarf she rather liked, even though it wasn't scarf weather, and Rise found a tube top with a popular cartoon character in the middle that Ai confirmed was cute enough that she could work it. A few other odds and ends ended up at the register by the time they were through. They soon departed with their bags of goods, in much better spirits than when they had woken up.

"Oh, I needed to pick up something else," Rise quickly spoke up when Ai started to turn toward the train station steps.

"Hm? What?"

"My friend needs a poster for… well, it's Yukiko. She needs a poster for Chie's birthday."

Ebihara smirked slightly. "You forgot I actually know who they are, didn't you?" When Rise only squirmed, she shrugged. "I know. This is officially the first time I have ever been nice to anyone, so you probably forgot I was the same person as that raging cunt from Yasogami High."

"Hey, I never said 'raging cunt' in my mind," she hissed at her. "So do you know where we could get something like that? A poster from an old kung fu movie?"

"Hmm… yeah. I mean, not for sure, but there's a place right down that way. Not far."

~ o ~

Okina Books wasn't especially bustling, even for the weekend. Few customers were poking around its crowded innards, in search of CDs or books or DVDs to fill gaps in their collections. The world's oldest music was playing from the loudspeakers, and Rise tried not to cringe; was this really the most modern choice available from their stock? It didn't even sound like it was from this millennium.

"Hey, Ebihara."

"Hey, Ohashi," Ai said to the cashier. She knew that overweight guy? Ai knew that guy?! "Anything new for me?"

With a little shrug, he stuffed the rest of his Pocky stick into his mouth and prised himself out of his seat to rummage around behind the counter. At first, Rise wasn't even sure he had heard her — until he came up with a CD that looked just as old as what was currently playing. If not older.

"'Purity'," he told her with slightly more enthusiasm than before. "With the original obi. This is some choice city pop, believe me."

Ai picked it up and tapped her chin. "Ritsuko Kurosawa… yeah, I don't know her. Really, who is… wait, did she do 'Hot Boy'? Or was that not her?"

"YES! Poor Rizco, she really didn't quite hit her target audience… just…" He made a whooshing motion with his hand over the glass countertop. "Blew on past and nobody saw her."

"I'll see her," Ebihara breathed with her eyes closed. Then she sighed and said, "Alright, how much?"

"Oh, two thousand."

"That's it? Wow, you spoil me." She handed over a couple of thousand Yen notes. Rise thought that might have been a little steep for an old CD, but not too unreasonable. "Any luck on…?"

They both looked up at the ceiling when she pointed, and Rise's eyes followed. It was still the same upbeat disco as before. "Oh, Mariya?" he chuckled easily. "I'm sorry!" His words of English were practically in time with the woman singing the very same, and Ai laughed with him. "No, no, it hasn't popped up on my radar. Sorry, really. But you'll be the first to know; I would call you for that one."

"Um… I don't get it," Rise finally put in with a slight laugh. "What are we talking about?"

"'Plastic Love'," they both said at the same time.

"I… huh?"

"It is pretty obscure," Ohashi admitted with a shrug at her. "Didn't chart much back in the 80s, either. Can't really blame you for looking at us like we're from… Mars…"

But now that was precisely how he was looking at her. He didn't even have to speak and Rise already knew what was coming; she had seen that look a thousand times before, and she was already summoning up her skills of both acting and diplomacy. Bracing for impact.

"Wait… are you-?"

"Yep!" she said cheerfully, but quietly. "But I'm just here with my friend, so if you could please-"

"Whoa, whoa, Risette is in my store. This is a special occasion!" Laughing a little more, he whispered from behind his hand, "Listen. You sign one of my copies of 'True Story' and I will comp you two whatever you want! Er, within reason, of course. Don't bankrupt me!"

Though Ebihara looked a little embarrassed that he was reacting this way, Rise quickly said, "I would be happy to just because you asked. Just one, though; I want to focus on my time with my friend here."

"Naturally." Then he was hissing at Ai, "Why didn't you tell me you knew Risette?"

"Because I have only gotten to know her recently," she sighed impatiently. "Guess it doesn't matter that I am a loyal customer."

"Well, it does, but… I mean… look, it's Risette."

"Yes, I am aware," she told him frostily before storming off into the recesses of the bookstore.

Honestly, Rise couldn't blame her. Even while she was cheerfully responding to Ohashi's gushing and relenting to sign not one but two copies of her last single for him, she felt a little twinge of guilt for stealing Ai's thunder — no matter how unintentional. But what else could she have done? Now all she could do was hope her new friend wasn't so upset that their tentative friendship ended before it began.

To Be Continued…

#we'll face ourselves #saphir de lune #rise kujikawa #ai ebihara #rise x ai #forkanna writes #persona 4 fanfiction #jess the writer

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nonbelievcr · 4 years

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[ LAURA HARRIER, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER ] right, here are the files we have on THE PREPPER ——— BARRETT, REGINA. 31 years old, CIVILIAN. current employment looks like a VETERINARIAN & OWNER OF LITTLE WHISKERS ANIMAL CARE CENTER. current residence is a FARM in KIRBY LAKE for the past 31 YEARS. current views have been noted as SLIGHTLY AGAINST THE COTC. current risk level has been listed as LOW.

YOUR SIN IS: GLUTTONY.

mrow hello, i’m cee ( she / her ) n i am currently watching the x files non-stop. i love girls who would punch my lights out, hence i’m writing reggie. i have,, zero knowledge of far cry BUT i lov me a good ol’ cult plot so ! here i am. plenty more deets below, if u can’t get thru her background section i understand and can tell u in a quadruple msg over discord instead x that being said ! if u find it easier to plot on discord rather than tumblr’s desgosteng im system, that’s cool! lmk and we can chat there :]

AESTHETICS

leather boots scuffed and cracked, a warped transistor radio playing tinnily at first morning light, tarnished gold heirlooms, hair pulled back in a ponytail tight enough to induce a headache, grooves on the bridge of the nose where glasses were, caustic insults on the tongue, grass that glistens with dew, bitter winters, the unending drive to be perfect, burn scars on the fingertips, the crack of a gunshot, sweetness of damp stock feed.

BACKGROUND

eden county, born and raised. the second child and only daughter to hugh and layla barrett, it should have been expected that both parents doted her as the only girl. it was quite the opposite, in fact. her brother ignatius had the spotlight from the get-go, tall and handsome and smart. so smart, it made him arrogant. so smart, it made regina break herself in order to try and best him.

she had it all, though it was never enough. patent leather and pretty frocks for church and sunday school, private tuition to learn how to play cello and eventually, a nanny. regina, while wanting to best ignatius, soon became rebellious. as young as eight she was minded by someone else, an aging woman from the prim and proper side of town to try and soften her. it didn’t work, to her parents’ dismay. one time the woman left their property cursing her, half her face splattered with mud and pig shit. perhaps, she thought, perhaps it was enough when the split of her father’s twenty-two echoed into the night when she was small, heard over the dead-quiet of hushed breathing while she and her brother hid in the farmhouse basement.

with a good head on her shoulders and an attitude to boot, it wasn’t simply grades the teachers knew her for. smart backhand comments, tormented classmates. it became so to the point where by high school she was on her own, a loner, quiet and clammed up but somehow still the flyer for the cheer team. seemingly good at everything, the university offers that flooded in spoke for themselves.

seventeen and a freshly graduated high schooler, she’s gone. out of the house, to both regina and her parents’ relief. somewhere down in boulder, colorado breaking her back for a veterinary science degree, eating alone in the dining hall. dad says she’ll get the clinic if she studies it. she makes him keep to his word.

halfway through her third year, her parents arrive. they’re cheerful when they offer ( insist ) to take her for lunch. there’s a strange boy there with his parents when they arrive at the restaurant. family friends, they tell her, with a son about her age. although nobody says it, there’s an odd feeling that there’s an expectation on both of their shoulders to date. love each other. marry. he’s head over heels for her. regina can’t wait for him to give up. he doesn’t, and to silence the endless slew of polite questions from her parents about whether she’s been to talk to him, she caves in and goes on a date.

he’s not bad, by any standard. kind. smart. determined, if not a bit of a pushover when he’s with her. months of dating turns into a relationship and as soon as she’s gotten a shiny new bachelor’s degree, he proposes. she says yes, because the pleading look in his eyes and the expectant gaze of her mother makes her cave, yet again. her father offers to cover the costs of the wedding, with a nice hefty gift on top of that for her new fiance.

two years later, twenty-five and fallen out of a feigned love, she’s blunt in telling him she wants him to leave. have her own life and her own money. it’s been a long time coming, he knows, having slept on the couch for the last fortnight. there’s no divorce, not properly. just regina halfheartedly apologising to him, making sure he keeps the money her father gave him. besides, they’ll still bump into each other on the street from time to time. maybe.

he’s gone. out of eden county before shit hits the fan again. just like her parents, who left the week of their wedding to move out to shitsville, minnesota to live with ignatius. he’s in the middle of nowhere and yet they still love him, a humble banker with a rolex and mercedes benz. he’s more tolerable, anyway. not paranoid like her, oh no.

it’s then, alone, regina quietly lines the walls with supplies. ammo, food, water, a little tucked away in her basement, some of it tucked away in scattered spots over the farmland, some further into town. it makes perfect sense to her when she catches wind that her dear ex-husband has somehow wound up with the chosen. something, someone mumbles, about a promise that she would love him again. but she’s making bank now - suck on that, ignatius. secrets are worth far more than stocks here, and it’s the thing keeping her alive.

WANTED PLOTS

growing pains: regina’s childhood friends. someone she’s confided in, and still does. someone who would’ve loved to see her topple down from her pedestal in high school. someone she lost touch with after graduation.

take care: a tentative friendship. regina won’t admit to it, but she likes your company.

eardrum buzz: the trusted individual she’ll go game hunting with.

bones: those who’ve been on the receiving end of her twenty-two. a more than unwelcome presence on her farm.

terrible things that could happen: those that come to her for information. perhaps this is your first time nervously trudging up the driveway. perhaps you’re used to sitting in the kitchen late at night with the smell of acrid coffee in your nose and the murmur of sullen conversation.

#survival:intro #character study.

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heyyylittlemo · 4 years

Text

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

#tag game #game #ask #19 days #19days

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evien-stark · 4 years

Text

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 135

It was fairly late in the evening by the time fear stopped paralyzing you enough to move. To get anything done. Tony had not moved from his spot upstairs all day, either. But he was currently, technically, on a mission. And you were just sitting in your office. Eventually, when sense returned, you decided to do something about it.

“LUNA.” Reaching up to press on the left side earring cuff to activate your visor, a litany of information popped up in your view. Even though you hadn’t asked for it, there was also a simultaneous Iron Man link screen in a very small box in the lower right hand corner. Interesting.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Let’s start some new security protocols.” The last time Kilgrave had grabbed you off the street, you’d been without her. Without the tech that might have mattered most. Although Kilgrave had made you abandon the Heart Reactor- you would never know if he would have made you take the earrings off, too. And it was far too late to start speculating now.

“What would you like to set up?”

Well, for starters… “Go back on Trish Talk’s website and grab the archive of her show from yesterday. The male caller at the end… I want you to isolate and hold a recording of it. If that voice gets within thirty feet of me, I want an instant activation of the suit.”

“Working now, ma’am.”

“I also want a direct phone call to Tony if the suit gets activated that way.” It was too late to wonder about all the what-ifs. But maybe you could pretend you were as smart as Tony. Things happened. And kept happening. But he never let that slow him down. He never let that stop him.

No matter what terrible things happened, he always used what he learned to build something better for next time. You could do that, too.

After a few seconds of silence, she answered again. “Protocols are now being established. Voice has been isolated.”

“If the suit gets activated and Tony gets a phone call, I also want a GPS ping sent to Tony. If for some reason I lose the suit, I still want you tracking me through the visor.” What else, what else… “If that voice calls my cell phone, I want an immediate trace ran and all information on the phone number associated with it.” Tony had given you tech. You had to use it to your advantage. The way he did. You had to be smart about this. Give yourself shortcuts so hopefully you wouldn’t end up in a situation like that ever again.

Because Kilgrave was coming for you. There were no longer any doubts about that.

“Oh, and another thing…”

“I’m listening, ma’am.”

---

After lulling yourself into a sense of newfound security that you hoped wasn’t false, you decided to test your luck. Kilgrave had only just started, and he seemed to have some sort of plan. Really, though, you did wonder how smart he was. He was entirely manipulative, this was true. But how much of that was just due to his powers? How heavily did he rely on them?

Moments of you- and him- in that kitchen in Brooklyn… for that brief sweet moment when you’d broken free… you’d felt the horror in the air. His lack of thought that he’d ever be bested had nearly been his downfall. And if you only moved just a little faster, maybe you would have been free of him a lot sooner. Hard to think about, still. But… it really did raise the question of how much Kilgrave was prepared for, and how much he just figured out on the spot.

He’d definitely captured Steve and orchestrated some plan to potentially kill Trish at the same time- and he’d gotten his hands quickly on Pepper too. Someone you’d considered to be far more innocent in all this. Though, you didn’t really think that was a thing he cared about in the slightest. He had hired Jessica’s neighbor to take pictures to track you… and do who knew what else with. How far did his spiderweb go? You’d have to figure it out soon. Slowly you were removing pieces off his board, but even through Pepper he’d sounded confident that that’s what he’d wanted.

Or was that merely what he wanted you to think? The entire thing was frustrating.

Happy was going to be the next one sent on vacation, simply because you didn’t want to risk him, too. Even if he was technically your head of security. But while you still had him, you called for him to take you to and from a restaurant so you could stealthily pick up some food. Stealthily in the case of making it look like just enough for you. But clearly in open defiance of Kilgrave. If he was watching. From any number of shadows that littered the streets.

Tony had said you’d been getting paranoid. Maybe that was true. It was hard not to, when you’d suddenly found yourself locked in a battle with a nemesis that could make anyone do anything he wanted them to at any time. Chefs could poison your food. Drivers could total your car. Random passersby could beat you with a bat in the street. People in your very office could be infected- as he’d already proven he was capable of doing.

But if you lived that life in perpetual fear of him, he won. Still. You had to be smart about this, too. You both couldn’t just lock yourself away and you also couldn’t run around flagrantly if only to show you weren’t scared of him. How could you not be? Honesty would call it being terrified. But maybe if he knew that he would win that way, too. He wanted you scared and weak and vulnerable.

You couldn’t give it to him.

Once safely back inside the lobby of the Tower, you decided to try and tell Happy to go on a small paid vacation. But. Of course. He intended to fight you every step of the way. Respectfully, as always. But his swift refusal really did put a pit in the bottom of your stomach. Pepper had also fought, a little, but when you’d told her it was for her safety she quickly understood that probably meant she was better off just listening to you.

Instead, Happy surprised you as he walked you back towards your private elevator (newly refinished as Tony in his infinite skill of multitasking had fixed), he merely said, ”This is about what happened last year. That guy that took you.” Not a question in the slightest. Just. Telling you he already knew what this was about.

It didn’t take long to guess how that was. ��Tony told you?”

“I’m head of security, remember?” Grinning, though it was half-hearted. “Seems like something I should know about. So I do.” The question of when Tony had had the time to brief Happy about all this was probably not important. You did wonder what exactly Tony had told him, though.

“Yeah. Well… whether or not I agree- he’s dangerous. And I want you somewhere safe.” People in your private, personal circle needed to go away. Whether or not that was smart. They were just more fodder for Kilgrave. And you couldn’t have that.

“Feeling’s mutual. But I have a feeling you aren’t about to take off, either. So neither am I.” He crossed his arms, perhaps a little overtly on the defensive.

How on earth had you gotten stuck with such infuriating men? Tony and Happy were more alike than they realized. Refusing to listen to reason. ...even if it was noble. And usually in the service of you. “I could fire you.” A threat that held no weight whatsoever.

Yet he just shrugged it off. “Tony will hire me back.”

“I don’t want you caught up in this, Happy.” How much clearer could you make it?

“Yeah. Well, you are. So that means I am. It’s not just my job, you know. I care about you, too.” You sensed he wasn’t trying to make you feel bad on purpose. But he did so regardless.

A heavy sigh escaped you. You couldn’t force Happy out. Even if you somehow managed it, even cruelly with a firing, you had a feeling he’d just shadow you anyway. Oh the pains of having friends. “I’m going to get you one of those ear pieces from Tony’s lab. I just booked a bunch of security protocols.” The only thing you could do was hope to get a ping off him if Kilgrave did try to snatch him. He wouldn’t have a suit for protection but hopefully this would be enough.

Preparation. That’s all you had. That was your only tool. Finally he nodded. “Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever it takes.”

Calling the elevator, finally, you gave him a brief but tired smile. “I appreciate it- just so you know. That you want to stick around. I still don’t think it’s a good idea. But… thank you.”

His own smile was a little more sure. “You’re welcome.”

---

Back upstairs, you brought the food directly into the penthouse bedroom knowing Tony had not otherwise moved from his spot at the desk. Though as you entered, you noticed the telltale slump of his shoulders. He was achingly tired, yet his brain was still racing. You couldn’t recall the last time he’d slept. Which was a problem. Giving him a small touch on the shoulder to gain his attention, “I brought dinner.”

His head tipped back, “Thanks. I’m finishing up. Suit’s gotta stay in the jet bay for repairs anyway.” His disappointment was an obvious note.

“No scepter.”

“Nope. No alien parts. Nothing. Hydra rats in jail is something but. Ultimately not what we were looking for.” Starting to ramble just a little bit.

You pulled up another chair to sit aside him, putting the takeout boxes on the corner of the desk. “How’s the team?”

“Asleep. We have a layover in Seoul. As usual, no one even thought to thank me for the nice hotel rooms.” Playing at that usual mock offense.

“What’s in Seoul?” Not that you thought a Hydra base couldn’t be located just about anywhere, but a hub like that seemed like asking for too much trouble. Too many eyes.

“U-GIN- uh- Doctor Cho- actually- JARVIS can you put this- here-” Reaching up after that mountain of clipped starts to push a holographic video window in front of you both. “This is Doctor Helen Cho. She runs things at U-GIN.”

You regarded her image on the video screen, waving back when she waved to you. “Nice to meet you.”

She was a pretty woman despite her slightly stoic demeanor, deep dark eyes with hair tied up in a messy bun. She and everyone around her were in lab coats. “You, too. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Tony stole the generic all good things I hope moment by speaking before you could. “The team stopped at her lab. Nat got hit pretty bad. Cho is the leading tech geneticist in the world right now. Cleaned her right up.”

“Ah.” The pieces fell into place. “You’re our new in-house doctor?”

“Hardly.” Her smile was light. “I think I have a lot more meaningful work to offer than patching scrapes, no offense to your team. But I would like to come visit the labs. And help where I can. If you need us.”

“They have this thing called the Cradle over there. Sad I can’t visit it in person.”

“I don’t want that thing bumbling around in my lab.”

“Excuse me. My suits do not bumble.”

She and Tony seemed pretty friendly with one another. It was nice, in a way. He really seemed to warm up to scientists, for obvious reasons. You wondered if he’d met her before all this, though. And while you were at least partially interested in this Cradle thing, you were otherwise too tired to engage in what would probably not make a lot of sense to you anyway. “Can’t you bring it here?”

Helen answered with a definitive shake of her head. “There’s only the one. And I’d like it to stay where it is.”

Tony half-grinned. “There’s only one right now.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stark.”

“I’m ahead of everyone.” Waving his hand dismissively. “This little you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours thing we’ve got going on…”

She shook her head with a roll of her eyes. “Let me see your labs first. Then we can talk about all that.” You assumed they had entered into some contract with each other. Probably more verbal than anything. He’d probably offered her help to mass produce these Cradle things. Especially if one could be of such use to the team. You weren’t sure how Nat had gotten hurt, but if this doctor had managed to heal her in a matter of moments… yeah. Pretty impressive and worthwhile endeavor to go after.

No wonder Tony was all over this.

Whether it was his own tiredness or yours seeping into him, he thankfully decided to be the one to breach the awkward quick goodbyes. “Yeah, well. Probably sooner rather than later. I’ll let you get back to your work.”

You gave her a small wave. “It was nice speaking with you. Thank you for helping the team.”

She nodded in return. “You’re welcome.”

With the video window closed, you turned to face Tony, reaching up to gently lift that techband off his head and face. In its wake, little red indents of telling all-day use stood out to you, and you worked your hands over the marks lightly. “You should eat. And then get some sleep.”

“I’ve got too much to do.” Already putting up a fight.

Holding his face in your hands, you gave him a look just short of pleading. “So do I. But neither of us are any good running on empty.”

“Speak for yourself. I basically invented the manual on running on fumes.”

“That doesn’t mean that’s a good thing- or that you should.” Just as he geared up to continue arguing you cut him off, “Tony. I’m asking you. For me, please. Eat something and then try to lie down for a few hours. Please.” Soft as you asked, watching his eyes.

His hands covered yours, quickly dropping to your wrists, thumbs working circles over the insides. His eyes dropped, and his nod was defeated. “Yeah. Okay, honey.”

Sitting forward you brought him closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you.” Getting Tony to slow down was never an easy task. For you or for him- especially for him. So him acquiescing because you were asking him meant the world.

The two of you moved to the living room to eat, again using the TV as white noise static to fill an otherwise anxiety ridden void that was slowly consuming the both of you. At least until you found strength enough to start filling him in on the day’s events. “I sent Pepper on vacation.”

“Probably smart.”

It would have been easy to sidestep why, but he deserved to know. “Kilgrave got to her.”

The small chill that he projected stood out when he reached to put a hand on your leg. Steadying himself more than you. “Yeah? And did what?”

“Just made her say some threatening things to me. But. That was more than enough reason to send her away. I tried to tell Happy to leave, too, but he wasn’t having any of it.”

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, backing away from that high. Then he shook his head. “Guy’s as stubborn as an ox.”

“I threatened to fire him.”

At least this got a little grin out of him. “I’m sure he handled that gracefully.”

You smiled back. “He seemed to think you’d automatically rehire him.”

“I must have given him the wrong idea at some point.” Lifting his hand from your leg, he held his arm up, so you easily moved to him, letting him put it around you as you sank closer to him. “LUNA sent up your fresh security batch. Really good stuff. JARVIS is working on cleaning up the edges.”

“I just thought some preventative measures were important now more than ever.” Tony’s praise always made you warm but it was easy to deflect. This was the obvious thing to do. That didn’t make it smart.

“You did that while I was busy playing exterminator. I hadn’t even gotten that far yet.”

“You would have.”

He gave you a little squeeze. “Maybe. But. Now I don’t have to.”

Because you weren’t useless. You weren’t ready to just sit there and take it as it came. You weren’t his damsel in distress to save every time something terrible came up. You were strong and capable.

All these ideas floating in the air around you as you snuggled closer. “Except for cleaning up.” Teasing, just a little, as you raised a hand over his heart.

He breathed out a quiet amused noise. “We can’t all be perfect.” His own hand raised, fingers lacing with yours. Just holding you there. “I love you. We’ll figure this out. He won’t be out there forever.”

It was his resolve you were lulled by more than anything. You and Tony would figure this out. Kilgrave would be put down eventually. This was the promise he was making to you now. “I love you, too.”

And you believed him.

---

For all his reluctance to sleep (as it was such a waste of his time), as soon as you laid down with him, Tony was out like a light. You, on the other hand, laid awake. For a very long time. Sleep only came in short bursts, punctured by all too real nightmares that you tried to stifle as they thrust you awake over and over. Your suffering could not be allowed to infect Tony. And, thankfully, he slept the whole night through as you forcefully kept a lid on yourself. At least one of you had to be free and clear. And, since he was the smarter of the two of you, it seemed more advantageous for that to be him.

It left you weary and anxious when you eventually scuttled down to your office the next morning. Trying to pretend like things were normal. That Kilgrave wasn’t in as much control of your life as he was. Really, you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was out there. Doing something. He wouldn’t be quiet for long.

The ring of your personal cell phone got a complete startle out of you, and your heart started hammering as you looked at the unknown phone number on the screen. He’d called you once, he could do it again as many times as he pleased. Part of you hoped he would, so that you could try and figure out where he was hiding. It was the only reason you weren’t contemplating changing your number at this point.

But. When you answered, it was Jessica’s voice that greeted you. “I dealt with Malcolm.”

“Oh.” You tried to steady your breathing. “Okay. What’s the story with that?”

“Kilgrave had him on the hook for drugs. Won’t be a problem anymore. That’s all.” Succinct and angry as always. You couldn’t really blame her. She was probably getting as much sleep as you were these days. Which was none.

“Okay. Well. Thanks.” There was no way to drill her for information right now. You just had to take her at her word. But when she didn’t immediately hang up you started getting suspicious. “...is there something else?”

“There is, actually.” Another long pause. Your heart squeezed. Here was the other shoe. It was probably something very bad. “...Hogarth and I are starting a survivor group. For Kilgrave’s victims. We’re doing it to collect testimony. So obviously you don’t have to go.” There was that usual sass and bite there. That undertone of calling you useless. “But. I thought maybe it might help you.”

That however was… strange, at best. You might not have known Jessica for very long and really didn’t know anything about her other than that she was crass, always seemed to be pissed off, and always on the war path but… that seemed sort of… genuinely caring?

Had something happened to her? Was she finally warming up to you?

...probably lofty dreams for something so small. Your optimism really was the worst. “I can’t be seen there.” Then you had to go ruin it by saying something like that.

She scoffed. “No. Of course not. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

“But-” Quickly speaking so she wouldn’t hang up. “Tell me where they’re meeting. Maybe I can figure something out.” If you wanted to go. This all seemed very public. And like a trap. And… also like something you weren’t sure you could handle.

Victims of Kilgrave? Was the point to make you attend to make you feel terrible? For the people that had come after you? Optimism warring with pessimism and a shred of self loathing. And the latter was winning out.

“Whatever.”

The first meeting was apparently tomorrow. It didn’t really give you a lot of time to think about it.

#Tony Stark #Tony Stark x Reader #INY Chapter One Hundred Thirty Five

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shriekbackmusic · 6 years

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Virtual Sleevenotes, Credits and Lyrics for ‘Barry Andrews: Lost Pop Songs 78-80’

TRACK LIST 1 Rossmore Road 2 Win a Night Out (with a well-known paranoiac) 3 Freak 4 Me and My Mate Can Sing 5 Mousetrap 6 Bring On The Alligators 7 Sargasso Bar 8 Feeding Time 9 Muscle & Movement 10 Opposite Way in the Rush Hour 11 Taking Over ICI 12 Vampyr Skinhead 13 Big Soft Safe Family

MUSICIANS 1-3 clarinet: Frank Abrams, trombone: Ian Bateman, guitar: Rob Hendry, Robert Fripp, Bruce Mcrae, bass: Dave Marx, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: John Strudwick, backing vocals: Bruce Mcrae, Patti Palladin, Clara Harris, Steve New, Marion Fudger. Recorded at Rockstar Studios, Fitzrovia, Mixed at Regent’s Park Studios, St Johns Wood. 4-7 guitars and bass: Dave Marx, drums: Rob Wilford, engineer: Hugh Padgham, Producer: Martin Rushent. Recorded at Townhouse Studio 2, Goldhawk Road. 8-10 guitar: Jon Ellis, bass: Dave Marx, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: John Strudwick, recorded at Pathway Studios, Islington 11-13 bass: Marion Fudger, guitar: Rob Hendry, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: Eric Radcliffe, recorded at Blackwing Studios, Borough.

The songs on this album have been lying about for a looong time, as you see. The reasons for this are twofold: 1- it’s juvenelia, really - undeveloped, derivative. Trying stuff on for size. An artist not in complete control of his medium, if you like. So I was not in a hurry to expose it, I guess, for its flaws are obvious. 2 it’s precious, unrepeatable, unvarnished. Truly an account of Process as someone’s aesthetic develops. It’s fascinating to me, of course (‘each man loves the smell of his own farts’) and, I have to assume, as an article of faith, that it may be to others. So, as a one-time-for-all-time thing, I was hesitant to release it. Anyway, here they…are, these songs which are inextricably bound both to a critical time in my life and the interstitial flavour of the historical moment: the end of the 70’s in good old (post-war, now post-60’s) UK. The dingy, dark, money-strapped days of Callaghan and Heath on the cusp of the New (fake) Gold Thatcherite Dawn.

London still grubby, edgy and un-Developed in a lot of places (squats still available - for instance) and Punk, which had roared for a couple of years - having redefined pop culture, via getting Pissed and Destroying - was about to stagger off into the wings, fresh out of ideas.

the Roxy Club, Covent Garden in 77 (it’s a shop selling Speedos now. Out with the Bin Bags in with the New Shiny Pants!)

The Clash and Pistols albums of 77 had permeated, by 79, everywhere they were likely to go (surprisingly far) but their offspring - the ninety-to-the-dozen, political, permanently furious form of *Punk was on the wane. ‘New Wave’ as a catch-all term for anything that was neither hardcore (with a little ‘h’) Punk nor Old School Rock was becoming the mot du jour. Another strange little sub-genre was Power Pop (which my old firm XTC could be described as, although to be fair, we were doing it well before the term was coined). Blondie, The Rich Kids, the Rezillos: all were attempts to make ideologically (yes!) acceptable the idea of melody and upbeat themes in a landscape where (Iove this term) *Ramalamadolequeue was rapidly wearing out its welcome.

(the Rich Kids - ft. Steve New, the baby deer. They’re not signing on are they? They’re Rich.)

Personally, these tunes cover, as historians say, ‘the long 78-80’. Roughly from the end of my time with XTC to the beginning of Restaurant for Dogs which was (sort-of) the R&D for Shriekback, although definitely with its own sovereignty and aesthetic.

Rossmore Road source: 1/4″ tape This came to light in a box of old tapes (Lordy I wish I had more tapes). It’s the first mix John Strudwick and I did for the single but I wasn’t happy and, rather sportingly, Virgin let us remix it. This version, though, not only has the ‘son trouveé - ‘asking for directions’ elements at the beginning and end (hilariously furious posh guy who - you can hear - I have managed to wind up even in the few seconds it takes to ask where Rossmore Road was. How? I really was an annoying, chippy bastard in those days - you can see why I felt paranoid (see below).

I was playing with Robert Fripp’s League of Gentlemen at the time and Robert kindly offered to come down and bestow his guitar benediction upon my humble pop tune (skills which were to be deployed, rather more usefully, on Bowie’s ‘Scary Monsters’ later that year - which Robert had taken a break from rehearsals with us to do (‘I have redefined the parameters of modern guitar playing’, he self-deprecatingly declared, on his return).

We got off to a bad start and never got beyond it: we plugged Fripp in and played the tune - John the engineer had assumed, totally reasonably, that this was a ‘get familiar’ go-through before we started recording.

As producer I should have been clearer - very much so, as it turned out because Fripp threw a total hissy fit when told we hadn’t recorded his 1st take. He gave us a rant about Heroes etc - how all his most genius work had been 1st or second takes. I apologised. He made a somewhat passive/aggressive show of graciousness in spite of this clear affront and the atmosphere was kinda tense after that. Someone else who hated me. Just great.

And anyway, what we would have got (and, on the 2nd take, did get) was - Fripp fans forgive me - 70’s prog-hero solo guitar noodling (very good guitar noodling, but still) - which loftily ignored the song’s structure so entirely that you had to choose between either just showcasing Robert or actually crafting the song. On the remix we ended up using one note (at the top). I honestly couldn’t find anything else that properly fitted. On the present mix, however, if you listen carefully, you can hear Fripp doing his flash, busy thing - it’s mixed as loud as I dared but you can hear it doesn’t really work and, if it hadn’t been him playing it, it wouldn’t have been there.

An inappropriate and inelegant use of resources, as he might have said. Interesting to hear though, perhaps, in a vestigial tail/snake legs sort of a way.

conceptual stuff about RRd.

ROSSMORE ROAD (NW1) The 159 runs along it Round the corner from Baker Street There's a dolls house shop on the corner Of Lisson Grove and

Rossmore Road Rossmore Road

Turn left at the DHSS in Lisson Grove You find yourself in Rossmore Road And there's a number of public buildings And a safety barrier down the middle of the road

In Rossmore Road In Rossmore Road In Rossmore Road

White and yellow lines and street signs And public phones and traffic cones And belisia beacons on the central reservation All humming now, all humming now, all humming now

To the north The Grand Canal Round the corner Regent's Park Next stop on the tube Marylebone Road And you can see Balcombe Street from Rossmore Road

The 159 runs along it Round the corner from Baker Street There's a dolls house shop on the corner Of Lisson Grove and

Rossmore Road Rossmore Road Rossmore Road Rossmore Road

In Rossmore Road White and yellow lines and street signs North of the river South of the circular Under the road Above the railway

All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now...

Win a Night Out (with a well-known paranoiac) sound source: 1/4″ tape

Very pleased with this, I am still. Sui generis as they come. Blur before Blur said somebody. OK I’ll take it. I was (I think) actually thinking about Patti Smith’s Piss Factory - and Land and Wave, those half-poem, half-song tunes of hers. This, though, suffused with the provincial UK, late 70’s consciousness you get when you perhaps smoke too much grim hash and take too much speed. Interesting sexual punishment element to it also. Because it’s two dates: one rustic and one urban, then an extreme post coital reverse followed by a horrific denouement (Nazi Vivisection! The worst kind) which shows that, as they say: ’just cos you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you’.

This is, obviously, autobiographical (apart from the vivisection). This arsy, scruffy little bloke, oppressed by the forces of reaction and class, who seems to attract humiliation and brutality wherever he goes, even though his intentions are just to have fun and get laid. It’s a little poem about fear and self doubt which, around ’79 there seemed to be lots of. So I made a record. More expensive than a therapist but it has a trombone player..

WIN A NIGHT OUT (WITH A WELL-KNOWN PARANOIAC)

We could rendezvous in a country pub I know in the heart of rural England where the landlord sports moustaches just like Jimmy Edwards and the crisps and pickled onions on the bar are numberless as the stars at night We're just about to order scampi in an Elizabethan basket when two neckless men in blazers and cravats approach our table and say - "sorry - this bar is exclusively for the use of Nobel prize winners, latter day saints, people who have seen God and selected relatives of our dear Queen, and furthermore, you worm, there is mud upon your plimsolls". I reply that I am a member of most elitist cliques you care to name and the blood which courses (at an ever increasing speed as it happens) through my veins belonged once to the Cuban royal family, but, they don't listen and they just pour my drink down the sink and say "this is not what we mean. In this life, one is either U or non-U and if I were you I'd make myself bloody scarce.” I even try to show them my credit cards but unmoved they say "OK sonny, it's time you were taught a lesson and there's only one thing that your sort understand"

Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

At an Iberian eatery in the west end, we could gaze at each other across saucers of yoghurt and bits of crusty foreign bread - and then - I could order a carraffe of Asti - we could have so much fun. We could discuss things like communism and chart positions with the lack of inhibitions that separate the truly liberated from the herd - but - I should mention that I talk quite loud as a casualty of inexpensive foreign wine and neither am I unaware of the restive noises from the party sitting close by. But as I'm in the middle of my funny story about the Arab and the underwater toilet, I can't stop now 'cause I'm in too deep, as I'm coming to the part where I say (in my best joke telling voice), "so the Arab says to the attendant, right...

‘Of course as we know five thousand pounds of pressure can suck out almost anything,’ and it all goes quiet and a little girl is saying: "Daddy, what a horrible man" and Daddy replies, "don't worry darling 'cause I've just made a phone call to your crypto-fascist Uncle Roger and he'll be here quite soon, and make quite sure he doesn't upset any little girls... little girls any more"

Win a night out with a famous paranoiac Win a night out with a well known paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

Lying in your crumpled bed on Sunday morning, you said your Mum and Dad had gone away to a conference in Bath and I believed you like a fool. Now you get up, go to the window and you turn a pot plant round. I study your naked bottom with a twinge of lust but I'm not twigging that something's going down. There is a sound of the heavy boots upon the stairs and the door crashes open and in comes your Dad with some faithful retainers and some ex-Army mates from the Conservative Club. And I figure they must have been waiting all night because your Dad is clutching two reels of infra-red film and he's looking dangerously pale as he shows me the microphone under the bed, and I'm just about getting the message: all is not too groovy

As you stand there in your dressing gown laughing at me, then in comes your Mum in her nylon house coat with her hair hanging loose like a suburban Harpy and she advances towards me with an army surplus bush knife, clearly bent on wreaking havoc down below the navel and she's just about to get stuck in when I wake up... and yeah, it was all a dream

I'm really in a hospital bed. There is a smell of formaldehyde in the air, and a couple of doctors with swastikas on their arm are doing something to the brain of a sheep and in the corner is a huge zinc bath containing some sort of reptile and the nurse is saying "be a brave boy and drink it all up". And I realise I can't feel me legs and the shape in the bed isn't my shape at all and I wanna cry out but I can only bleat

Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

FREAK source: cassette So Funk was the thing - but let’s take it and fuck it up with our English voices and anti-slick playing. Let’s actually take the funk/fun out of it. Disco hatred was the tip, kinda. I recall saying in an interview that it was like scratching up a big lairy american limousine with the nasty, rusty keys of your squat (there’s also an unreleased Restaurant for Dogs version we recorded for Warners with Nick Launay which takes this approach to its theoretical limit: it’s pretty hard to listen to). We are, in fact, so alienated from the subject matter that I sing ‘just come on down to the fifth floor’ instead of ’54’ - the iconic New York club, me not having heard of it (though - quirky historical note - Shriekback did actually play there in the place’s last week - on the Sacred City tour).

Dave’s ‘confused Dutch person’ on the end is a nice random element. Like he’s wandered in off another session.

4 Songs from Town & Country EP (Virgin 79) Me and My Mate, Mousetrap, Bring on the Alligators, Sargasso Bar sound source: vinyl Ah T&C - I sort-of despise thee. No-one was taking care of my career development - especially not me - after XTC so I got stuck in a posh recording studio with the Strangler’s producer way before I should have been. This you can hear from the ‘apprentice piece’ nature of this EP. All influences fully on show and sellotaped together. A ‘band’ which, you can tell, has only so much in common and which was kinda thrown together. An adolescent ferocity in the delivery not masking very well a slew of insecurities. ‘Calm Down’ I want to tell this snarling young herbert, ‘nobody thinks you’re cool anyway. It’s fine: do an album about a fish, why dontcha?’ As it is, we get a variety pack of New Wave/Post Punk styles and lyrical tropes: Me & My Mate (the Clash obvs: stage democracy, anti-rockist groupy exploitation, DIY fanzine-esque self-expression for the working classes, Patti Smith reference). Mousetrap A classically-trained-but-recently-listened-to-Elvis Costello/Joe Jackson Bitter Relationship song. I like the spoken word bit that deconstructs a Well Made Play in 4 lines though (for those who don’t know, The Mousetrap is the longest running show in the West End - since ‘52!). The ‘Darlings’ repeated hookline was a reference to my lovely Aunty Rene who worked many years in the box office of various West End theatres (the Adelphi and the Prince of Wales I think - and since you ask) and had adopted a fabulously camp way of speaking through long exposure to gay theatrical men. Her poodle Chico was ‘my little Treasure Island’ and everyone else was ‘Darling’.

Aunty Rene (2nd left) with her theatrical crew and actress Anna Neagle at the Coalhole on the Strand 1968)

MOUSETRAP Been playing Shaftesbury Avenue For a thousand years or maybe two - darlings Done plenty bum gigs in my time But everything's alright now

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

We fall in love most every night We're quite ridiculously tight - darlings And yeah I feel some kind of freak Getting killed six times a week

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

It's nearly half past three Gotta do a matinee I don't understand this game Why everything's the same

But as the show go on and on And on and on And on and on and on and on and on And on

I know the punters mustn't see How mundane it seems to me - darlings But sometimes I wish I could screw Someone else in Shaftsbury Avenue

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

Curtain up - exposition Development of character Plot - unravelling slow Sustaining interest, gathering momentum

Till they unmask the killer Then a twist right at the end And it's all over till tomorrow night

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

Sargasso Bar definitely the best of this bunch. Although the Small Town Observational style is a little irritating (alright, Bazzer, you’re a Poet of the Everyday and you are so very alienated) it is here for the first time that a certain mock heroic, magical-realist aspect started to appear in my writing. ‘they raise their glasses in 2/4 time and they study the latecomers as they slither in beneath the door’. XTC did a version of this which failed to get onto GO2. Not too much different I think but I recall Andy Partridge’s objection to the line: ‘we’re surrounded by the Eels of Death’. He felt it was the sort of hippy, trippy kinda image which XTC Stood Against. I felt it was - well - mock heroic and magical realist. This conversation went nowhere, obviously, but it was instrumental in making my decision to leave the band. These people just didn’t get my shit…

SARGASSO BAR Couple in the corner Now she's crying on his shoulder Well they're a couple of Modern Lovers Sort of Kevin and Isolde She's embarrassed by his footwear He's embarrassed by her hair But he doesn't really care He says it's murder staying emotionally aware He's another Lost Soul But he's only come here to die And get high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

Big John in the wooly Football training in the evening Well he got married married married Now he only thinks of leaving And he's surrounded by the blubber Watch the terylene stretching As he makes a point about his car When you're on miles to the gallon You know where you are And he's here every night, he's such a regular guy He gets high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

We came in from the rain Now we're surrounded by the Eels of Death Everyone nervous and everybody couldn't care less We raise our glasses in 2/4 time We study the latecomers as they slither in beneath the door About this time of the night There's more and more and more and more Well, give them ten minutes then they all go home to die Cos they're so high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

Bring on the Alligators yeah, dunno about this one really. Clearly I’m really working the magic realist tip again but to what end? It’s clearly meant to be funny, what with the Polish ‘1234’ in the middle and the ‘cocktail bar’ quiet section at the end and all but it’s all trying a bit hard for my liking. The awfully Lahndun working class accent I have on all these tunes is also a bit abrasive. My estuarine whine is of course part of me but it is underlining, unecessarily and stridently I feel, the ‘prolier than thou’ ethic which I had bought into wholesale during Punk. Let it go, dude…

2 LOTS OF DEMOS source: cassette Well, now we were getting somewhere.. Listening back now, 40-odd years on it really does seem to me that the year (ish) between the EP and this first set of demos represented a huge leap in my - er - self development. The life in XTC - still living with Ma & Pa or on the road within the Mothership of the band - record company, management, everything being done for you (at the expense, as it turned out, of knowing what was actually going on..hem hem). It’s cosiness and material sufficiency came at a price I could no longer put up with. Time to go, clearly.

I remember leaving the last outpost of that world - the nice flat above the Townhouse, paid for by Virgin while we were recording the EP but now, since recording had just finished, off limits. So…I could go back to Swindon - or step out into the scary metropolis, where all the safety nets have been packed away, and see what can be made to happen. Me and a girlfriend (who had signed up when I was a (sort-of) pop star - she was in for a taste of the real musician’s girlfriend’s lot now alright) went over to my old schoolmate’s flat in the East End (he was at college in London) - it was pouring down of rain as we walked across Tower Bridge. No money for a cab - the XTC wages had long been cut off.

Youth seeks a Rite of Passage, does it not? This seemed to be mine. I felt noble and scared and reckless and Hungry for Experience. So, these tunes were written after a year of London, of squatting, signing on, meeting loads of new people, getting sick, getting well, hanging round the ink well - no, actually, after a particularly avid speed binge and a dreadful mini-tour with the T&C band I developed serious chickenpox (more virulent in adulthood, it turns out). I was the Elephant Man for a while. The body was having its unignorable say about all this new input. But the tunes were definitely better. More individual. Not trying so hard and, sometimes, there was a Showing Forth of something really quite juicy and new (and I don’t just mean the pustules, har har).

Feeding Time I submitted this to Shriekback’s publisher when he asked if we had anything that might do for the Eurovision Contest. He never quite looked at me the same way again, I thought (nil points pour moi).

I had been working at London Zoo (west gate and Reptile House: taking money on the door) that year and eating in various Camden/Kilburn greasy spoons. These two experiences were to produce this little gem. A Meditation on Eating. I think it needed doing.

Points of interest: Dave Marx’s great bassline which is really the hook and the armature. Jon Ellis’s glistening ‘egg’ chord. The ‘Taking Your Order’ on the fade (Prawn Cocktail! The 70′s are strong in this one...) I had earlier recorded this with some ‘opera’ singers (from the BBC West of England Chorus - including Mrs Evenett (contralto) my old French teacher) singing the ‘Feeding Time’s’ in fine bel canto stylee. Which I may release at some point.

FEEDING TIME Putting things into my body at Feeding Time White wine and little damaged bodies from the bottom of the sea inside me still feel hungry when I reach the end and I won’t feel good when it’s Feeding Time again. I watch him from the corner at Feeding Time sometimes he is hideous to watch as he shovels his chops inside him and his belly is beginning to distend and I know he’ll feel great when it’s Feeding Time again

but in the meantime Eat - don’t stop Eat - don’t stop Eat - don’t stop

Biting Viscera and gristle at Feeding Time listen to the lobsters whistle crack their legs open suck out what you find inside The spaghetti as it glistens at Feeding Time like spirogyra on your wet lips munching masticated chips in your mouth with lots of wine Eggs! Eggs! Soft and warm romantically slipping down inside and I wish it could always be Feeding Time and I wish it could always be Feeding Time (let’s see what’s on menu.. I’ll get an onion bhaji.. …prawn cocktail …three more pappadums…)

Opposite Way In The Rush Hour You know, it’s a bit cheesy and self serving but I still dig this. Our hero is heading off to some gig (some horrible, low paid, nightclub-type gig - let’s say in Edgbaston. Or Stoke). He’s hitching his way up there to meet the band at the soundcheck and it’s just getting dark. He looks at all the Regular Folk coming home from work: old geezers on pushbikes, factory workers - UK manufacturing has still a few years in it at this point - young girls (that might have been mating/marriage material in his former life) wait at bus stops and the cosy tea (the evening meal not the drink - important class-related point) on the tables, visible through the shortly to be curtained windows and our man gets all Springsteeny-sentimental about his self-ordained High and Lonely Destiny. Noble chords, I think, and very clever drumming by Rich Wernham (he was bloody good, I must say - as Nick Lowe said - ‘you can get away with murder if you’ve got a good drummer’). The absence of traditional last chorus repeats, instead dissolving into a babble of voices was indicative of some creative, envelope-pushing Thort, I would say. The boy’s finding his feet..

OPPOSITE WAY IN THE RUSH HOUR Going the opposite way in the rush hour watching the cars going past in the night. Factory gates let out the day shift - they escape on their bikes. Daughters go home on the bus, see you’re not one of us. The sensation is sweet and it’s sour. Going the opposite way, opposite way, in the rush hour.

Closer to being a part of the big system: so near and far from all that you seek. Closer to where the big heart beats you into submission then rocks you to sleep. Curtains still open The news on the telly they’re making their tea and I want all they’ve got but somehow.. keep on going this way: opposite way in the rush hour.

Street lamps come on now, those front rooms look so warm now. Old men with empty lunch bags pedal homewards and the girls wait at bus stops as the weekend unfolds. Once it would have felt so right heading into the hot sticky heat of the night

…it’s not a question of honour or a question at all Just the way that we choose to live now Going our opposite way… opposite way… opposite way…

Muscle and Movement Painfully sincere (and unintentionally camp) credo from the Squat years. Fucking grim, mate. It was cold, self-flagellating and unecessarily unpleasant. Here is the mantra behind that lifestyle experiment ‘pain is knowledge and knowledge is wealth.’ Jeez, give this guy a cuddle...

MUSCLE & MOVEMENT Fed up of sitting around with my legs crossed Pretending and smiling and saying ‘yeah, cheers then’ avoiding the whites of their eyes. (and another thing) And another thing- don’t try and tell me you’re gonna get something together when everything’s going your way then the limit’s the sky. You can’t always hide on the side watching people who do things bigger than you. You can’t have a permanent stop to the things that displease you or give you unease. ‘Cos all that matters is Muscle and Movement flesh out all your fantasies with Muscle and Movement (ain’t no such thing as security, just Muscle and Movement Muscle and Movement

as you relax at the end of the day there’s another tomorrow staring at you as it stands at the top of the stairs time is a swine it just keeps coming at you battering you to the floor as you try and stand up yelling you’ve had enough save it for somebody free - don’t talk to me I got no symapthy pour out some more of that wine everything’ll be fine just stay drunk all the time but remember that Muscle and Movement is all that makes you what you are Muscle and Movement standing still don’t get you too far it’s Muscle and Movement Muscle and Movement

it’s hard but it’s true that there’s nothing to cling to nothing to belong to and nowhere is more important than where you are now and there is no rest for the wicked, no rest for the wicked or peace for the innocent or the don’t knows (this lines indecipherable) cos there ain’t nobody got the things they need (same) cos the things that you lack are what you never get back cs the only secret weapon is Muscle and Movement

Muscle and Movement nothing happens by itself Muscle and Movement pain is knowledge and knowledge is wealth

Vampyr Skinhead & Taking Over ICI Well, it’s here that I claim total responsibility for the Two-Tone/Ska Revival that was to occur later that year. No, honest - no-one else was doing this stuff at the time (or they were but no-one had heard of them yet). These two tunes were, moreover, direct descendants of my song ‘Super Tuff’ from the XTC album (btw, that title came from the strapline of a Bruce Lee movie ‘Bruce Lee - Super Tough - but also Tender,’ so I was also anticipating Tarantino and all that kitsch martial arts movie stuff from the 90’s - could I be any more prescient?) Actually, exciting self delusion aside, I claim only to have had my finger on an historical pulse which had been throbbing away since the 70’s and which obviously many others had also been party to. As I say somewhere else ‘it’s ok to have a great idea but you have to get off your chuff if you’re going to start a cultural movement’. I wasn’t dedicated enough, clearly, but I was quietly and briefly, a canary in that particular coalmine.

The idea of reggae as this parallel exotic, possibly dangerous sub-track to Pop/Rock had been around for quite a while and kept bubbling up out of the Zeitgeisty swamp to varying amounts of mainstream attention. Bob Marley (pretty much just him) had Broken Through to become the reggae artist that unitiated white people liked and played at parties to show Cool. U Roy, Big Youth, Scratch et al remained the province of hip white people (as we liked to think of ourselves). But, under the audacious banner of ‘Fuck Art, Let’s Dance’ the Ska revival, the Two Tone label, Madness etc were to mine the accelerated beats, fruity grooves and edgy vibes of Jamaica (along the lines of Desmond Dekker and Toots and the Maytals) to international chart success. Of which more in a minute..

Since Punk there had been this strange symbiosis (which is easy to forget, it’s so non-intuitive) of reggae with Punk which had continued, unabated since the days of the Roxy Club. This, eventually, had permeated the wider scene. So, when XTC would play, in 78, gigs in Birmingham or Leeds, the disco would always be alternating, say, the Drones, Chelsea or the Pistols with Althia and Donna, Steel Pulse or Culture. It was a tacit admission, I would say, that the Punk formula was a limited one and, while its brutal austerity had been bracing (and a welcome antididote to Old Fart music), people still needed melody and sensuality and Actual Dancing.

But, there had been, in my late schooldays (early to late 70’s) an earlier, more schismatic appearance of Reggae (in its proto form of Ska) which I had observed firsthand in my Comprehensive provincial schooldays with all its codes and brutalities (kinda charming and nostalgic now; fairly scary and intense at the time). There was a 2 tribes battle going on at my school and in the UK generally: the Skinheads and the Greboes/Hairies (vestigial, usually non-ideological Hippies, really, sometimes with a component of Biker). It was a pretty one-sided battle: the Skins were an embodiment of working class, unsmiling rage and violence (’Aggro’ and ‘Bovver’ were their coinages (graffitti in my town read: ‘S.T.A.B (= Swindon Town Aggro Boys) Kick to Kill’). It was a culture of fighting and machismo which picked on pretty much anyone (it became a white racist movement eventually of course: ‘Paki Bashing’ being one defining activity but, as is documented in ‘This Is England’ TV series, the Skins didn’t start out that way: look at all that ska and blubeat. Also, in Swindon in the 70’s there wasn’t much opportunity to get the ol’ racism going - there wasn’t a single black or Asian kid in my year at school; only one or two in the entire school - so the Hairies/Greebs would have to do as a Victim Class, I guess.

The mostly docile, pacifist, great-coat/tie-die-wearing, patchouli-smelling, Topographic Oceans-carrying quasi-hippy was always good for a bit of a kicking (though I suspect, the lack of physical challenge made them a bit uninspiring - football hooliganism probably gave the Skins more of a work-out). At any rate, the hirsute, messy look and, (NB!) the usually university-bound, middle class nature of the Hairies was a walking provocation to the neatly groomed, fashion-conscious, mostly working class (went to work instead of Sixth Form: fuck school and Uni, let’s make some short-term money - therefore doomed for life to the factory or site) Skinheads.

This schism was enacted in the music, as it often is: the long-winded, effete, sexually inert tropes of Prog, the self-indulgent, solo-wanking, adolescent-boy mirror-gazing of hard rock versus the clipped, disciplined, concise sexy beats of Ska and pop reggae (showcased particularly in the ‘Tighten Up’ series of compilations). It really was chalk and cheese.

There was, btw, a whole genre of dirty ska songs, epitomised by Prince Buster’s Big Five single (‘funky spunky man in Big Five, screaming steaming night in Big Five…there will be water all over the bed…water all over her head..’ (!)

One night after a Manfred Mann’s Earthband show at Swindon College (deep Hairy territory, obviously) when the crowd were reluctant to go home, the promoter stuck a Ska tune on the PA which cleared the room like tear gas. Hard to imagine now. Like I say, Tribal. So, when I started writing songs (Pop Songs! For Bands!) I felt I had struck a fruitful vein in observing the horrified yet strangely fascinated viewpoint of the oppressed Other (Hairy/Greeb/insert Ethnic Group) as he is subdued and brutalised by his natural predator, the Skinhead.

Form following subject matter, this would, of course, be couched in a mutated form of reggae which, though, as a fledgling Hairy (with already insufficient hair, aIas!) I was forbidden to like - I must say it did exert a fascination. It was so alien. Alien is interesting. Thus, in Vampyr Skinhead we have, again, a randomly predatory hardnut - this time he’s going door to door terrorising people (‘no compunction as he hammers down your door - or elects to clamber in the window - he is swift and he is sure..’). The image really did come to me in a dream: this ferocious little fucker doing his rounds of the estate, like a Clockwork Orange version of the Man from the Pru. Definitely a Viz magazine character there, I reckon... The sound of a Ska beat still had, for me, the menace it did when the Skins at school danced their clipped, butch, slightly-ridiculous-but-I-fucking-dare-you-to-laugh, scary little dance to it.

Non Cultural Studies note: the riff is played on a WASP synth - I guess the 1st affordable synthesiser. Fairly horrible but it had one good sound so hey... No actual keyboard - a flat plate which was murder to play and ‘explains’ the really obvious cock-up on the intro which we didn’t have time to repair. It wasn’t mine btw (the WASP not the cock up).

VAMPYR SKINHEAD Vampyr Skinhead knock at your door Don’t sell brushes or Brittanica no more He no check for pushing leaflets through the door or collecting money for the football he lives outside the law. He’s just out on the street with his boots on his feet and I would give a lot to know what he’s got Vampyr Skinhead.. Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead strikes again Vampyr Skinhead feel no pain gonna do it again and again and again

Vampyr Skinhead come down your way and he’s not from anywhere silly in the USA. Not religion that he’s peddling door to door he’s not looking for the meter (he wouldn’t know what it’s for). He’s just out on the street with his boots on his feet and your little sister’s crying but he’s not. Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead

Somebody’s gonna get uptight, gonna get hot and they’re gonna make mincemeat of him someday... Somebody like Peter Cushing gonna wreck the curtains while he’s sleeping then they’ll be nothing left but a pair of Marten’s and a pile of dust…

Vampyr Skinhead come down your street he’s a monster and he’s got sharp litle teeth. No compunction as he hammers down your door Or elects to clamber in the window - he is swift and he is sure. Out and I would give a lot to know what he’s got Vampyr Skinhead…. Vampyr Skinhead…. Vampyr Skinhead……

V.S.’s Nemesis...

Taking Over ICI was an attempt at a pure pop reggae tune - with a socialist/punky spin. Lovely playing by Rob (gtr) and Marion Fudger (ex wife of Dave Fudger, charming chap who used to write for Sounds and now worked for Virgin Publishing - he got me the gig with Iggy Pop). Rich Wernham (also of the Motors). Cracking organ solo dontcha think? I had chops in those days - before Quantise fucked me up.

TAKING OVER ICI Alone I just didn’t dare make my move to trash organised laissez-faire but since you nibbled my ear Cadbury-Schweppes and Lever Brothers quiver in fear. All the multiples are whining. All the big nobs are resigning. Since I found out you loved me, I’m taking over ICI Taking over ICI Alone I couldn’t handle myself let alone the redistribution of wealth. But, since I found out you care, I could trash the System single-handed I swear. Can’t handle all their wheeler-dealing - prefer to hear rich people squealing… Since I found out you loved me, I’m taking over ICI Taking over ICI… Taking over ICI..

Big Soft Safe Family Rather as ‘Paranoiac’ was: a one-off, never to be repeated thing. Deeply and nakedly autobiographical. Musically quite original, I venture. Shmershy chords the like of which I hadn’t used before and a confidently slow groove. Vignettes of my respectable working class, late 60′s, Mike Leigh previous life suffused with the cheap cynicism of a young sprat who didn’t realise how lucky he was. They’re all gone now.. and - spoiler - I actually never had an aunt from Torquay (but she rhymed).

BIG SOFT SAFE FAMILY The relatives are all on their fifth cup of tea. Their rapid eye movements are something to see - all lying to each other and smiling alternately. Your mum and your dad and your aunt from Torquay they are none of the same as they once used to be but they’re all of them, gloriously in the Big Soft Safe Family

We all of us have a particular smell I know their’s and they know mine habitually well. They worry about me and I worry about them I’m surprised you can’t tell. We use the same toilet and eat the same food and we savage each other when we’re not feeling so good but blood is thicker than water and ultimately we’re a Big Soft Safe Family

We’re slowly aquiring the things that we need they’re very pleased with our progress indeed. They were saying we looked very happy and of course we agreed. Respect due to father and love due to mum and the daughter is lovely and so is the son. Illusions die obstinately in the Big Soft Safe Family

#shriekbackmusic #Shriekback.com #xtc band #punk rock #roxy club #skinheads #two-tone #70s

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dustycactus · 7 years

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tag game thing that i’m doing the whole thing instead of just the ones i get in asks cuz wooo

1: name: kaiden 2: age: 15 3: 3 fears: the ocean, being left alone, and uh basketballs (those r terrifying you’ve gotta admit) 4: 3 things i love: drawing, the cold weather, and pastel yellow 5: 4 turns on: people with eyes, people with a heart, people with a brain, and people who are nice (do u rly think i’m going to say NOT SAFE FOR WORK THINGS ON MY TOTALLY SAFE FOR WORK BLOG pshh what r u on about) 6: 4 turns off: rude people in general, too much sarcasm, does ~drugs~ (the illegal shit), very judgy. 7: my best friend: MY LITTLE BLUE HAIRED FUCKKKEERRR, or just my cousin lol 8: sexual orientation: pansexual with a preference for bois 9: my best first date: uh we went to go get ice cream and then went to their rooftop asdfghjk i haven’t been on many dates 10: how tall am i: 5″6 11: what do i miss: my home town and the cold weather 12: what time were i born: 2 AM 13: favorite color: yellow or blue 14: do i have a crush: nah not for now 15: favorite quote: “existence, well what does it matter. i exist on the best terms i can. the past is now part of my future, the present is well out of hand”- ian curtis (lol not the most inspiring but i love) 16: favorite place: a small cliff behind a restaurant in my hometown. 17: favorite food: kitkats, or ice cream 18: do i use sarcasm: not really, no 19: what am i listening to right now: Kool Thing by Sonic Youth 20: first thing i notice in new person: their way of speaking, or their eyes. 21: shoe size: 9 1/2 22: eye color: brown :/ 23: hair color: brown again :/ 24: favorite style of clothing: the late 70′s- early 80′s punk outfits asdfghj i wish i was cool enough to pull that off 25: ever done a prank call?: ye 27: meaning behind my url: well right now it’s pumpkinspiced-aliens and it’s because it’s halloween and i love aliens asdfghjk 28: favorite movie: donnie darko, or maybe rocky horror 29: favorite song: can’t choose :( 30: favorite band: twenty one pilots and close second would be the clash asdfghjk what a nerd amiright 31: how i feel right now: 40% empty and 60% unaware of my surroundings and thinking about how useless life is ::))) 32: someone i love: my bro 33: my current relationship status: v single 34: my relationship with my parents: i guess okay? idk 35: favourite holiday: halloween and christmas (i already bought a christmas phone case i’m fuckin prepared) 36: tattoos and piercing i have: ear piercings, no tattoos yet 37: tattoos and piercing i want: probs gages, but not that big maybe the size of pencil erasers,, also a tattoo of a flamingo because reasons. 38: the reason i joined tumblr: because i needed something to do on the weekends and reason to get out of bed 39: do i and my last ex hate each other?: no we’re friends and hang out sometimes, i just realized that they’re not the type of person i like, so eh 40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i fuckin wish :’( 41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted?: uh yeah 42: when did i last hold hands?: today with my idiot friend nayla jkjk ily 43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: like 40 minutes maybe 44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: :p 45: where am i right now?: at home 46: if i were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: probs my friend caro cuz she would be there too 47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: depends,, if i’m angry or sad really loud, but when i’m ghosty and stuff at a normal level 48: do i live with my mom and dad?: yeah 49: am i excited for anything?: for the hiatus to be over asdfg jk but also moving out 50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to? : uh not really everything,, i don’t tell everything to anyone but yeah i guess i’ve got a few friends that i trust with some information 51: how often do i wear a fake smile?: more often than people think 52: when was the last time i hugged someone?: today 53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: i tried to kiss my brother on the cheek and we accidentally touched lips but yee, um, i would be cheering that girl on 54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not?: i’m the most paranoid person about this stuff so no 55: what is something i disliked about today?: i had a science test and i had a panic attack at 3 AM 56: if i could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: uh probs tyler and josh, or just my soulmate esrdgfhh jkjk 57: what do i think about most? now that i think about it, it’s either college or death 58: what’s my strangest talent?: i can hold my breath for 3.5 minutes underwater asdfg it’s not that long but it’s oky 59: do i have any strange phobias?: other than the ocean and basketballs? i don’t think so. 60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: behind 61: what was the last lie i told?: this is gonna sound super fake and stuff but i said “i love you” asdfghjk 62: do i perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: talking on the phone 63: do i believe in ghosts? how about aliens?: ghosts? not really. aliens? damn right i do hmu if u want the full explanation 64: do i believe in magic?: nah 65: do i believe in luck?: maybe 66: what’s the weather like right now?: it was sunny a few minutes ago and now it’s windy like crazy idk what the fuck happened 67: what was the last book i’ve read?: stephen king’s “the girl who loved tom gordon” 68: do i like the smell of gasoline? fuck yeah 69: do i have any nicknames? not really other than kitkat or kai 70: what was the worst injury i’ve ever had?: my ankle snapped in half after being pushed to the bottom of a pool asdfghj it’s a long story 71: do i spend money or save it?: i spend it way too fast help 72: can i touch my nose with a tounge?: with A tongue? probs, not with my own tho 73: is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? yes my 3ds 74: favourite animal?: can’t choose but i love lizards 75: what was i doing last night at 12am?: showering fgh 76: what do i think is Satan’s last name is?: probs something super common like Johnson or Barkley or Trump. 77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it?: chills by down with webster lolol it reminds me of home 78: how can you win my heart?: being sweet and sending me good morning and goodnight texts 79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone?: “and a great succ he was....” and whatever else my family wants to write on it lolol 80: what is my favorite word?: plump 81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr: i don’t want to annoy them by tagging them but i love so many 82: if the whole world were listening to me right now, what would i say?: i would read every single one of my angry political letters and then tell them to fuck off. 83: do i have any relatives in jail? nah 84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. they were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: props invisibility or magic healing 85: what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: r u ok? 86: what is my current desktop picture?: the meme man 87: had sex?: asdfghjkljhgfdsfghjk,jhgfd no 88: bought condoms?: no but i got a bunch of them thrown at me once 89: gotten pregnant?: no 90: failed a class?: yee in like 6th grade 91: kissed a boy?: ye 92: kissed a girl?: ye 93: have i ever kissed somebody in the rain?: no but i wish 94: had job?: there are so many different things you could be talking about right now but yes i have had a working job 95: left the house without my wallet?: yeyeyey 96: bullied someone on the internet?: nope 97: had sex in public?: jcfghjghvewbdsjhwefhgv no 98: played on a sports team?: yee 99: smoked weed?: no 100: did drugs?: uh bad memories ascghj but technically yes and it sucked 101: smoked cigarettes?: ye like only a couple of timez,,, like 10,,,, i’m not addicted tho 102: drank alcohol?: ye 103: am i a vegetarian/vegan?: pesco vegetarian 104: been overweight?: nope 105: been underweight?: yep 106: been to a wedding?: yep 107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: yep 108: watched tv for 5 hours straight?: yep 109: been outside my home country?: bitch yes 110: gotten my heart broken?: kinda i guess 111: been to a professional sports game?: nah 112: broken a bone?: ye 113: cut myself?: purposefully, no. 114: been to prom?: well they’ve got “proms” at my school which is the entire high school including the seniors but like yeah i have 115: been in airplane?: too many times 116: fly by helicopter?: yee 117: what concerts have i been to?: so manyyy,,, tell me if u want me to say them all 118: had a crush on someone of the same sex?: i’m practically gay 119: learned another language?: i speak french and italian ~fluently~ 120: wore make up?: yes 121: lost my virginity before i was 18?: asdfghj no 122: had oral sex?: azsxdcfgvhbjbvgfhvewubcyfbkuycfuyqerliu no 123: dyed my hair?: eyeyyeyeyeeee 124: voted in a presidential election?: nope 125: rode in an ambulance?: yee 126: had a surgery?: yeee 127: met someone famous?: i met johnny cash,,, also his daugther 128: stalked someone on a social network?: celebrities yes 129: peed outside?: yee 130: been fishing?: yee 131: helped with charity?: yee 132: been rejected by a crush?: no 133: broken a mirror?: not that i remember 134: what do i want for birthday?: this year i only got 50 dollars haha i would like some clothes maybe and a ukelele 135: how many kids do i want and what will be their names?: i want 1 max 2 but idk their names yet,,, a girl i would name kayla cuz yeah 136: was I named after anyone?: nope 137: do i like my handwriting?: nope 138: what was my favourite toy as a child?: this little ballerina doll i had gotten in a mcdonalds happy meal 139: favourite tv Show?: “that 70′s show” or stranger things 140: where do i want to live when older?: toronto, montreal, or ottawa 141: play any musical instrument?: guitar, piano, and clarinet 142: one of my scars, how did I get it?: instead of using a plate to cut my sandwich in half while camping, i put a paper towel on my thigh and sliced a 1 cm cut into it lmao 143: favourite pizza toping?: pepperoni 144: am i afraid of the dark?: eh not really 145: am i afraid of heights?: not at all 146: have i ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: i got caught by my dad trying to steal a beer for my cousin,,, 147: have i ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: on literally every test i’ve ever taken 148: what i’m really bad at: texting, being supportive, sharing food, physics, and general emotions 149: what my greatest achievments are: probs getting 1st at a national competition for a sport which i am not going to tell you 150: the meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: that i don’t have any friends and that i should drink bleach while jumping off the CN tower :) 151: what i’d do if i won in a lottery: donate a quarter of it to charity, giving another quarter to sick family members, and the rest save for my education and my brother’s. 152: what do i like about myself: i’ve got nice eyelashes i’ve been told 153: my closest tumblr friend: idk... 154: something i fantasise about: having a nice romantic relationships

THERE DONE BJKHSDAKUJSDXKHJEKYGUYHWERUHIFR

#about kaiden

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aosquakerider · 7 years

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@biluata answered your question:

“Any Quakerider fic requests?”

Quakerider first date! <3

A/N: I have time-skipped past the mission to get STRAIGHT to the date part. Sorry not sorry fdsafd. THANKS FOR THE REQUEST BILUATA I L U <333 ALSO: this request is accidentally two chapters long. Thereby making my fic 8 chapters now instead of 7.WEEEEEE. Lastly: THANK MY FREAKING ACE BETA @solidfalcon FOR BEING SO FREAKING EXTRA ACE this time omg. Certain parts have become awesome cuz of her.

CH. 5 of 8

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One week felt compacted into twenty four hours and then some, as the omen of death hung above the skulls of the Agents of SHIELD. Just as with every mission, not a single agent (nor asset) allowed this to distract them. Death or life was not the forefront in their minds, success was paramount.

Perhaps then it was luck that allowed them all to make it out alive, or perhaps it was God on their side, or in their case, a man with a devil inside of him. Daisy probably figured that it was a befitting time as any to accept Robbie’s earlier offer, is what Robbie thought.

The pair stepped out of Robbie’s parked Charger. After, they glanced to one another as they began to cross the parking lot to approach the entrance of the restaurant.

“So…” Began Robbie, with drawn out, hesitant words. “… You look nice.”

“I’m dressed the same as I always am, Robbie.” She tilted an eyebrow at him. “You told me I didn’t have to wear anything special so I didn’t.” It was true, in fact, both of them were dressed as they had been every day they saw each other; dark and shadowy looking with black leather jackets and gloves.

“Yeah, but you still look nice.” His eyes locked forward again as they approached the doors to the restaurant. “Don’t girls like hearing that?” He tensed. Not four seconds into the date, and he already screwed up.

“I don’t care what girls like.” Said Daisy, amused. “Though, if you’re talking about me specifically, then, yeah, you’re right, I liked it, thank you.” She admitted, half muttering as she stared at the ground.

Robbie eased up. “Good… because that’s what I mean to say, actually.” She let loose a cheery laugh that sent a tingle traveling from his chest upward to his face, warming him with a benevolent light instead of the malicious fire he had grown used to. He wasn’t sure what made her laugh, but he found himself wanting more.

They entered the fancy place, and were seated in their reserved table for two. Fitz had recommended this place to Robbie, so if it didn’t meet Daisy’s standards of a quality night, then he would only need to turn to the little science guy for some answers. If restaurants in general were not her thing, then he would speak to Mack instead. However, everything seemed to be going well, so there was nothing to worry about, he tried to tell himself.

“Wait wait wait Robbie!” Daisy leaned over the table to inspect him closer as her eyes bugged out with realization. “Is this the first date you’ve ever been on?!”

“W-what? Where did you get that idea…?” Sweat broke from Robbie's skin as he gradually leaned away back into his chair.

“You’re so nervous you didn’t even know what to say to me when we got here!” She leaned back as well. “You look pretty.” She performed a terrible but adorable imitation of his voice. “Come on that’s literally what you said.”

“Nice imitation, but that’s not why I said that.” He tried not to stir a single expressive muscle in his face.

“Then why did you say that?”

He looked away without an answer. His knee began to restlessly bump up and down in a rhythm similar to the grumbling engine of his car when it idled, using the same leg he did to step on the gas.

She chuckled lightly. “It’s alright Robbie, I am just a little surprised this is your first date… I think? Maybe. I mean you haven't said it was or wasn't, but. Well either way, the thing you’re doing right now, not having any idea what you’re doing and just trying your best…? It’s kind’ve … um… cute? Do you mind if I call you that?” She winced lightly as she asked.

He huffed, frowning. “I’m not cute.”

“Yeah that’s right I forgot you’re an aloof tough guy.” She grinned. “You’re so adorable!”

He ceased attempting to debate with her about himself, shaking his head and shifting lightly in his seat to sit straighter.

“Okay… anyway.” Daisy said as she picked up her menu, freeing Robbie from the chains of cute comments. “How does it feel to be free?” He was relieved for that brief moment only to tense up again in the next.

He leaned his elbows forward onto the table, shrinking the space between them as he spoke low and muted so none could hear but Daisy, "Just between you and me, I don't feel free." He shook his head, there was profound intensity on his face as he stared at her. "The deal I made with SHIELD, it just feels a little too good to be true." He sighed. "I never should have taken the offer, but I was too desperate. I just wanted to be left alone with Gabe." He folded his hands together and gazed blankly at the table between them. "It was probably all just lies. They were probably just using me..."

"Robbie, that can't be true." She leaned on the table as well, whispering to him in return. "It just can't. I'm SHIELD and I'm honest with you."

"You just work for them, Daisy." He grimly met her eyes with his. "You don't even know these new guys, you said so yourself." He shook his head, still feeling it eating away at him from within. "Maybe it's just the devil inside of me telling me all this, or maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it's all just too convenient, you know?" He furrowed his brows at her. "They didn't have me sign a single thing, kept it all secret, and made no record of it ever happening. They could easily sweep it away like it never happened and try to get at me anyway. I don't feel free at all, Daisy. If anything, I feel less free than if it was just me, Gabe, and my power."

Daisy looked down to the table, quietly. Silence sat between them for a moment. Robbie felt his heart sink into his stomach upon seeing her mood visibly change. His mind began to race, and were about to overcome him and roar about how big of a mistake he just made. And the longer the silence went, the worse his brain got. He was suddenly extremely lost to the train wreck of thoughts about how foolish it was that he just told her all of those secrets he had been keeping to himself, and on their date no less, before Daisy cut in and disrupted the thought barrage.

"I'll figure it out, Robbie, I've got this. Don't worry." She had a placid look.

She's got this? What does she have? Did he just put her into an impossible situation that would risk her happiness and position in SHIELD? Did he drag her down with him? Did he completely ruin her mood by placing his own problems on her shoulders? His eyes looked to the table again, lost on thought. What had he just done? His torrent of thoughts was replaced by a whole new battleground.

“Okay well, Robbie. Never mind all of that.” She firmed her voice to grab his attention, cutting him out of his thoughts as he fixed his eyes on her again. “This place is beautiful, just look at it!” She glanced around, nodding approvingly at it's warmth and classiness. “It was such a good choice!”

“I’m glad.” He showed a hint of a smile and calmed as the combat in his mind dissipated. Even his shoulders eased down a little. He only took his eyes off of her for a brief glance at their surroundings, before bringing them straight back to her.

A few minutes later, the waiter had come, and the two ordered their meals. After the waiter left, their moods had been boosted again at the thought of food.

"Spaghetti huh?" Robbie rested his hands on his knees before leaning back into his chair smoothly.

"Yes." She replied. "I am not exactly creative with my choices today." Daisy had eased in her chair as well, her posture much more comfortable in appearance.

"Spaghetti is delicious." Robbie affirmed.

"What about you?" Asked Daisy. "Fish?"

"Fish is good too."

"I get the feeling you'd like just about anything." Daisy said with amusement.

"Food is good."

"I can't object to that." Daisy pursed her lips back, suppressing a small chortle.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself quite a lot."

"No I'm not." Her face looked serious. "I'm enjoying you." She grinned sprightly.

Robbie swore his heart skipped a beat and his face began to feel warm. That was too smooth.

"What?" Daisy's smile appeared to glint in the warm lighting. "Speechless?"

A brief pause to calm himself, the sensation in his face faded as his mind wandered again, bringing to the surface a question. "Daisy?" Robbie was calm, now, as he gazed at her with softened eyes, something few had ever seen.

"Yes?" Daisy watched him curiously.

"Can I ask why you thought I didn't want you near me?" Ever since he discovered what was going on her mind, it didn't stop bothering his own. Those words he shared with her ached in his chest ever since he heard them that night. He needed to know.

She bit down on her lips, looking away from him. "It... it was nothing. Never mind."

Robbie could see that her smile, and her light had faded. He quickly leaned forward onto the table again. "Nothing? Daisy. If I didn't want to be near you, then why would I have come to the bar?"

"You were there for me?" Her eyes were brought back to him as she blinked in surprise.

"Yes." He said wholeheartedly.

Her words tendered, then, she struggled not to look away, pulling her eyes back to him every second syllable. "Truth is, Robbie, I was there for you, too."

The shock that hit Robbie left him silent.

"It wasn't like that, though, but it was still my idea." Explained Daisy. "We didn't go because we could die on the mission. We can die on every mission. But do you know why we picked that one, specifically, to have drinks for? We were there because of you. We were celebrating you. You were the reason we had any chance of winning. We were grateful for you... but we just forgot to do the toast because we were drunk off our asses." She sighed and rested a hand on her forehead again.

He stared on, utterly shocked and feeling the warmth for her deepen after every second. "Why didn't you just say that to begin with?"

"I don't know!" She huffed ironically. "Maybe we thought you don't like mushy stuff! Or maybe because we were just too hammered." She laughed again, but awkwardly, squishing her eyelids shut to ease the pain of embarrassment.

Robbie's entire body was a magnet that attempted to forcefully pull him towards her and wrap her in a large, tight embrace, while gently stroking her head and telling her that everything would be okay. He had no idea why, and tried with all his might to fight it, leaving himself sitting stiff and firm in his seat, with merely a slight glitter of ardor in his eyes.

"So I guess then..." Daisy forthright asked "You and Gabe don't hate being near me?"

"What the hell?" Robbie sat a bit more firm, looking disconcerted. "Hate? Daisy. What the %$#@ gave you that idea?"

The corner of her lip perked at his abrasive wording choice. "It's just... ah." She sighed, clenching her teeth. "Listen. Gabe wants me to stay away." She stared down at the table, refusing to meet his eyes. "He knows what's best for you, Robbie."

"Okay." Robbie set his hands on the table, rapping it once to firm his point. "I don't know why you're thinking that way, but Gabe adores you." He leaned forward on his arm, extending himself an inch towards her. "Truthfully he's the one who pushed me to ask you out." As well as Yoyo and Mack but he wouldn't admit that to her.

"What?" Daisy blinked, her eyebrows raised at him as her face lit up. "Really?"

"Hell yeah. He wouldn't get off my back about it. Every time I was with him or on the phone with him after I came back he was asking me if I talked to you yet. Every single time. Come on." He shook his head, smiling lightly at his brother's pursuits. "I would try to turn it around by asking him if he had gone out with the girl he likes yet, but it didn't work."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He smirked at the corner of his lip as he slid down into his chair, slumping all too relaxed while he draped his arm over the back. "You don't have to worry, Daisy... truth is..." He delightfully tilted his head to one side, captivating the gazes around him. "... I have always liked having you somewhere nearby... ya know?" He looked to her with subtly glimmering eyes.

He catches in his eyes the view of her face softening sweetly at his words, but in the same instant, the expression was gone as quickly as it came, only present for a single breath. It gave way to a somber essence when her head turned away. With her light gone, so dimmed Robbie's heart. He had so many questions for her, then, all of which weighed on him.

The food at last arrived, Daisy thanked the waiter, but Robbie remained silent. His silence had more to do with simply being Robbie, than his mood, but the mood was still a burden regardless. And this feeling would continue to weigh him down as they sat quietly through their whole meal. They shared sparse words, limited only to small talk.

"How is your food?" Robbie heard once that asking people questions about things that were important to them would help lift their spirits.

"Good." Daisy continued to eat in dejection. His plan failed. He had done so much wrong.

They each finished their meals and set down their utensils, not at all feeling the joyous and fairy-dust fueled dream that a first date was meant to be according to the many tales they've heard.

He watched her sit in silence and with clear discomfort. It made his heart ache to see her this way. Not just this time, but anytime he saw her hurting or upset, he, too, would hurt. He recalled the first time they met and how she begged him to kill her, to be judged by the demon for the sins she committed. And even he saw it. Saw that she was suffering and in pain for sins that were not her own. He refused to harm her. He saw no monster within Daisy. Which is why it baffled Robbie, himself, that Daisy believed she was unworthy of any sort of happiness.

He refused to let her suffer in silence anymore. She would never be alone. Not if he could help it.

"Are you okay?" Robbie finally broke the silence. Sweat beaded on his forehead again, he tapped his finger on his knee. Even with his determination to ease the weight off her shoulders, he was still utterly terrified of screwing this night up even more for her. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing or making her feel worse. Along side this feeling of fear was a feeling of foolishness. How could he, the ferocious monster with tales told of him in the air and on the streets, be so nervous in asking such a simple question?

"I'm fine." She sounded dispassionate, and didn't even bother to meet his eye.

"Daisy." He softened his tone as he dipped his head. "I know you. You're not fine."

She remained quiet for a few more seconds as Robbie waited for her to speak up. When she finally did, her head was bowed low, and she spoke so quiet he could only just hear her. "... why did I think I could do this...?" She shook her head softly, keeping it low.

He felt his heart sink. He knew it. This whole date idea was a mistake. Maybe he shouldn't have admitted he liked her company, that seemed to worsen her mood--

"It's not because of you, Robbie." That caught him off guard, and made him momentarily wonder her inhuman powers also included telepathy. She glanced at him, then down again. "I meant what I said, I'm enjoying this, but... I-" She pressed her hand to her eyes. "-I don't know if I ... can keep doing this date thing." There was a drawn out, sharpened silence. "I think... We shouldn't do this anymore. This dating thing."

The silence struck all spirit dead again.

"... It's just... you know..." She removed her hand from her face, letting it fall to her lap. ".. Lincoln." She grimaced.

Robbie only listened.

"I still feel like it was yesterday when he... when he... he... died for all of us. Because of me."

"It's alright. I understand." Robbie's voice was unusually gentle. Daisy looked to him and saw the compassion on his face. Her lips delicately closed. "It's... it's okay." He sat back in his chair, shutting his eyes softly and he took in a breath. "We ... don't have to do this."

He wanted her to share her words, her life with him, but if she didn't want the same, he would have to accept it, as much as it hurt him. It clearly pained her to confess such things, to talk about Lincoln and what transpired with HIVE. And he didn't want her to hurt. He didn't want her to ache because of him. And while he only wished for her to no longer shoulder her burdens alone, that he wished she would at least talk to someone, she did not want to share, and he would have to be okay with that. Even with the lingering thoughts in his mind telling him there was something more she was not sharing with him. It was not his place to pry.

"Robbie..." The anguish within her seeped out to lightly taint her words.

"No I just..." He looked aside, blinking away his own pain. "I brought you here so you could be happy." He gestured limply to the environment. "It didn't work so, I guess it's over."

"Robbie no..." She reached her hand forth to tenderly place her fingers on his hand that laid resting on the table. "This did make me happy." Their eyes met when his face turned to her. He saw it form again, her small hint of light; that compassionate smile.

For a stretched moment in time, only Robbie and Daisy existed. They seemed to freeze there, still, with abated breaths, before Robbie pulled away his gaze, shattering the suspension of reality.

"I don't know why I did any of this." He confessed, briefly rubbing his eyebrow with his thumb. "I don't what I'm doing. This just isn't me." He shook his head once, his lip corner perked for a brisk, fake chortle. "I'm sorry, Daisy."

"For what?" Daisy blinked at him. "And what's not you? The dinner? The date?"

"I don't know... I don't know." He looked away.

"If this isn't you, then what is?"

He stared quietly at her, questioningly, then looked off again, blankly. "I don't know..."

They were above all quiet as the air hung thickly around them when they left the restaurant, and made their way towards the car. Daisy sat in the passenger seat and shut the door before Robbie got in on the driver's side, just barely able to breathe through the weight of the night, and the feeling clawing at his chest, until one single thought, one realization broke him through the surface of the self-made sea of blackness.

"Cars."

"What?" Daisy stared at him, utterly perplexed.

Robbie stared at Daisy, his eyes glittering in the street lights outside of the car. "No, not cars. My car." He leaned his arm over the back of his seat, and across the back of Daisy's. "You asked me what my thing is. You're sittin' in it."

A small smile finally grew back on Daisy's face, the sight of it in the street lights gave him such pleasure. "Is that so?"

His words were real, his look was true. "Of course."

Daisy blinked, an idea seemed to form in her eyes. "So then... this night was a bust... but it doesn't have to be." She freed a smirk on her lips. "We can still save it." She insisted, then added, "Without it being a date."

He paused. "Hold up. How?"

"Lets drive around."

"Just drive?"

"Yeah. See the sights. View the lights. Just... drive around in your beautiful car..." She drew her fingers across the dash, an affectionate smile on her features.

The heart within Robbie's chest was for the moment, no longer drowning in darkness, as it swelled with warmth once more, his gaze on her glittering. "I like that idea..." He breathed.

#quakerider #fanfiction #my fics #fanfics #agents of shield #marvel #I NEED AN AO3 gosh #i hope i get in soon lolol

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