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beck-a-leck · 3 years

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Oooh, this looks too fun~! #86: “Am I scaring you?”

This got way longer than a drabble. But I think by now we all know I don't know how to short fiction 😂

Have a little Westown-style halloween/ghost story bonfire. Featuring potential Holly/Hector cuz I'm so weak for it, but more importantly Holly&Colin.

This was too much fun!

🧡🧡🧡🧡

"And then the girl heard something scratching along the roof of the car. Scriiiiit..." Noelle pitched her voice high and shrill, forming her hands into claws for effect. She raked the air in front of her. "Scriiiit... 'it's just the wind' the girl told herself, 'just the wind blowin a half-broken branch across the car, that's all. I'll see in the mornin it's nothin to worry about. Johnny'll be back with gas any minute now.' And so she waited, locked in the car in the pitch black of the night. Hours passed, but Johnny never returned. She saw nothin, and she heard nothin except that ceaseless scratching against the roof of the car. All night, scriiit... scriiit... scriiit..."

An anticipatory hush hung over the bonfire, nothing to be heard but the crackle of firewood, and the song of night bugs. Noelle's eyes gleamed with delight as she looked around her captive audience.

Holly scanned the circle too, most everyone knew this story back to front, but the adults were humoring Noelle. She was doing a mighty fine job putting a spooky spin on the old urban legend. The only one who was new to this particular tale was wedged tightly between her and Hector on a fallen log. Colin was trembling ever so slightly, shaking like the dry leaves in the near-bare trees. Holly put her arm around his shoulder and held him a little tighter.

Noelle continued her story. "Finally, after a terrifying, sleepless night, the sky began to lighten. In the shadows of predawn, Annie thought she saw something or someone moving around outside the car. It couldn't be Johnny, he would'a come straight back to the car. Annie didn't move, or make a sound, she barely even breathed as she waited for the sun to come up. Even now, she still heard the scratching. Finally there was enough light to see by, Annie, shivering with fear, unlocked the car door-"

"I think I want another s'more!" Colin announced loudly, jumping to his feet.

Noelle laughed, not unkindly, but she still laughed. "Am I scaring you?"

Holly could tell, even in the dim bonfire light that Colin's face had gone bright red. "N-no! I just want another s'more. that's all. Y-you can go ahead and finish your story. I've heard this one before."

Colin scampered away from the bonfire over to the picnic table where the s'mores fixings had been left. Only after his son was out of earshot did Hector sigh, deep and disappointed.

"I've got this one," Holly whispered, patting him on the knee before getting up.

As she sidestepped out of the circle, she heard Carrie say emphatically, "Lord, Noelle, I don't know where you learned to tell stories like that, but you're givin' me the heebie jeebies, and I taught you this story."

Holly sidled up next to Colin at the desserts table. He was spending an inordinate amount of time picking a marshmallow to roast. Holly picked up a marshmallow skewer of her own and began constructing the s'mores necessities. They were far enough away from the fire she knew they wouldn't be overheard.

"You know there's no shame in being afraid. Half the point of telling ghost stories is to scare people."

"I-I'm not scared." Colin resolutely grabbed a marshmallow, but paused midway to skewering it. Something snapped out in the darkness, and he scanned the deep blackness wide-eyed.

"Honey, it's just a made up story. There's never really been a hook-handed serial killer out there killing teenagers and hanging their bodies above their cars."

Colin made a choking noise, "That's how it ends?"

Holly laughed lightly, "Colin, think about it. How ridiculous does that sound without Noelle's spooky storytelling?"

Colin laughed too, nervously, "Y-yeah, I guess your right. It is a little silly."

"That's all scary stories are, really, just a kinda silly, ridiculpus story wrapped up in a really scary trenchcoat."

"Yeah, I guess..." he resumed skewering his marshmallow, and then turned his attention to the chocolate selection. He picked a peanutbutter cup, and added gloomily as he unwrapped it. "I wish I wasn't so scared of everything. I wish I could be brave like you, or Pa."

"Everybody is afraid of something, even grown ups."

"Not Pa."

"Sure he is. His fears are just a little less tangible than a hook-handed serial killer. Lots of adults' fear are like that."

"What's that mean? Tangible?"

"Tangible means something you can touch, or something that's real. Like this chocolate." Holly broke a square of milk chocolate in two and shared it with Colin. "Something that's intangible can be like sickness, or that good feeling you get from perfectly roasting a marshmallow."

Colin chewed his piece of chocolate for a quiet, thoughtful moment. "Miss Holly, is your fear tangible or not?"

"Hmmm, well, I have quite a lot of fears, some of them are tangible, and some of them are not."

"What's a tangible one?"

Holly lowered her voice and said solemnly, "You promise not to tell if I share with you?"

Colin's eyes went wide and he nodded firmly.

"I'm afraid of bees."

"What?" He almost laughed, a smile fought to curl his lips.

"It's true," Holly said in all earnest. "I'm afraid of bees. Truth be told, I don't like most bugs, but bees and wasps and such in particular really scare me."

"B-but bees are so nice. They pollinate the crops and flowers and make us honey. A-and you're a farmer, bees should be your friends. They're so important!"

"I know," Holly laughed. "I know all that, and I know they most likely won't sting me, they just want pollen and nectar, but I can't help it. They buzz so loudly and they've got those stingers. And when they come at me-" she shuddered before adding with a wry smile. "If you ever see me working the fields, and then suddenly throw my tools, and run away screaming, chances are there was a bee nearby."

Colin smiled and laughed with her. "Well, bees don't scare me. Maybe I can help with that."

"I'd like that." Holly gave him a little side hug. "See you're braver than me in that regard. If Noelle was telling a story about some killer wasps or something, I'd've spent the whole story here making s'mores." Holly looked back to the fire circle. "Speaking of, I think she's done with her story. Look's like it's Brad's turn, and you know all his scarry stories are about food."

Colin laughed one more time, and gathered his prepared graham crackers, peanutbutter cup, and swekered marshmallow and turned back to the fire. "I guess everyone's scared of something, but everyone's brave about something too, aren't they?"

Holly smiled warmly, "That they are, honey."

They sat back down around the fire just in time to hear Brad launch into a truely gruesome story about a commercial kitchen he had once worked in. Truly, a health inspector's worst nightmare.

#becky writes things #ask box games #lmao aren't drabbles supposed to be 100 words exactly? oops #story of seasons #trio of towns #sos 3ot #story of seasons trio of towns

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notjanine · 3 years

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2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.

#long post #final total for the year will be 120 by the end of the day!#and i had a pretty good hit rate. would probably recommend at least half #and only outright hated four

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snixxem · 4 years

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troubled words w/ troubled souls.

TAGGED: @castleporthudson &. santanta lopez WHEN: Sept. 2019, during the hiatus, after Rachel’s death. NOTES: Fighting, talking around the elephant in the room (tana hooking-up with someone else, not together but feelings??), and just a lot more of that.

tana: if I send you a nude, will it be wasted for a sad hand job? Or am I sending it off to good hands?

finn: not in the mood, but thanks.

tana: are you ever in the mood to do anything but mope?

finn: i don't wanna do this, tana. finn: if you're just gonna push, just don't.

tana: so, we should continue to have two text conversations or not talk at all? tana: but hey, I guess punching people and suspensions are a way better way to cope than having a friend.

finn: how'd you hear about that? it doesn't matter. i'm handling it.

tana: my mothers the sheriff, duh-son. tana: not handling it, isn’t handling it. tana: I’m glad you’ve graduated from kicking chairs to assholes, but I’m not one of those assholes, finn.

finn: right. should've known better. finn: i get that it was eas- [deleted] finn: it's working for me. finn: it doesn't matter. i got suspended. it's over with. i'll go right back in a few weeks and it'll all be okay. no need to make a big deal out of it.

tana: I’m not making a big deal out the suspension, I’m making a big deal out of you being a zombie.

finn: a zombie? i'm doing fine.

tana: you’re lying to me. tana: I hate liars.

finn: and you're pushing. finn: i hate pushers.

tana: then I guess you hate me then. [a beat] tana: do you hate me? is that why you haven’t really talked to me? [deleted] tana: and if you hate me, then I hate you.

finn: i don't hate you. finn: seriously?

tana: then I don’t hate you. tana: what? I’m not gonna look like a punk, especially in front of someone who can’t bother to say more than two words to me most times. tana: are you drinking still?

finn: not like you're around for me to say much more than that. you know i hate texting. finn: what? no. i'm not.

tana: I’m trying to deal in my own way too. tana: well, I guess it was just that one night, but I didn’t want it to become a slippery slope, or whateva. [a beat] tana: why don’t we catch who did it?

finn: you don't see me hating on that, do you? finn: yeah, 'cause that would be the worst thing to happen. finn: no. i'm done with that. it's over.

tana: because you’re too caught up in hating yourself, that’s why. tana: you becoming a drunk? It’s not winter after Labor Day, but it’s pretty terrible none the less.

finn: i don't hate myself. i just think there's stuff i could have done differently. i fucked up. i was selfish. finn: it's not like that. i have control. it's not like i'm getting messed up all the time.

tana: now that you’ve recognized it, buckle up, and start moving on- or fix it. If you’re not gonna do that, might as well get it over with and have them change your name to Debby Downer on your birth certificate. tana: I’m just making sure, k? [ a beat] tana: I am [deleted] tana: I’m coming into town....

finn: it's not that easy. i can't fix it. she's dead. she's not coming back, so i can't really apologize to her and make things right. finn: when?

tana: yes you can, it’s not like people cease to exist when they’re dead. abuela says angels can come back to earth in any form. Maybe she’ll come back as one of those forever 21 sales rack skirts she always wore. Or a wasp. Either way, she’s listening. You could say sorry for all the things you don’t have to be sorry about, or whatever, she’ll be listening. tana: let’s find out what happened. We can help her that way. You know rachel, she’d want her story told. tana: Saturday.

finn: you think i haven't done that? look, i don't know if i believe that there's some higher power or whatever. it's stupid. i let her down and there's nothing i can do about that to change it. no one can change it. i screwed up finn: we couldn't find her in time to save her, so what makes you think we could find out what happened to her? finn: how long are you staying?

tana: I can’t imagine the emotional pissing contest you and ryder are having right now. tana: actually, have you talked to him? tana: FYI, you didn’t screw up. Unless you kidnapped her, stop. It isn’t healthy. tana: im doing it with or without your shit attitude. tana: I don’t know, until I can’t take it. tana: I want to see you.

finn: you've gotta be fucking kidding me, right? finn: i haven't, but i'm sure you have. finn: she needed my help. she reached out to me and i ghosted her. it's sorta my fault. finn: no, you aren't and i'm serious. don't do it. finn: i'm always here.

tana: only slightly. tana: you couldn’t have known this was going to happen. I’m sure she didn’t think this would happen. tana: what did she reach out to you for? tana: that’s the problem, we need to get you out again.

finn: let me guess. trying to keep your options open, huh? finn: yeah well. should've been there for her and i wasn't. finn: she just wanted to talk and i was too busy to do that. finn: out for what? what's the point?

tana: I am single. [a beat] tana: and just as open to options as I’m sure you are. tana: the last time I talked to berry I sent her a link to a plastic surgeon, we’re all in the ‘failed her’ boat, trust me. tana: to have fun. Laugh, you know, that one thing people tend to do when they’re open to happiness. We can even laugh at people if you don’t want to go full cheer, and keep it a little morbid. tana: and the point is I want too. So do it. tana: please.

finn: i don't need options. i don't want a relationship. i'm tired of letting people down. pretty sure that'd be just another let down. finn: we screwed up. finn: but i'm not happy, alright? i can't pretend to be okay. i don't know why everyone has to be okay. something bad happened and i can't just get over it. finn: we'll see.

tana: so, should I start buying clothes for your fifty cats since you’re set on being alone forever? tana: and neither am I, but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fucking laugh, and God fucking forbid, not feel like shit for a second. tana: we don’t have to be okay! But we also don’t have to be a walking doomsday parade. tana: whatever.

finn: i never said i would be alone forever. i just don't find comfort sleeping with people. not my style. finn: i need time, that's all. finn: you don't get it, do you? you think that i'm supposed to just be okay with everything. i'm not okay.

tana: then why did you sleep with me? tana: I don’t think you should be okay with everything. I don’t think you not being okay should equate to fights and suspensions. Or play an extreme case of the blame game, that has you as the self-appointed target.

finn: i wasn't looking for comfort. we were having fun, but i wasn't screwing other people on the side. finn: do you know people in town actually blame us? they think we should've done more. or that we're writing her off just to close a case. that guy got what he deserved and i'm not sorry for my actions.

tana: exactly, so I don’t know why you seem so against fun. tana: and FYI, when you were getting your world rocked by me, I was only sleeping with you. That thing was... tana: well, I was stressed, okay. tana: they’re idiots. Half of these people learned how to read, reading their way through food stamp pallets and oxy pill subscriptions. Those idiots don’t know anything. tana: plus, they’re probably scared. tana: I mean, I’m glad you punched him. Just no more.

finn: because i don't want to have fun right now, tana. finn: you don't owe me an explanation, okay? you're allowed to do whatever you want with whoever you want. it's not like we were a thing. finn: doesn't matter. they think what they think and it fucking sucks. finn: scared of what?

tana: I know I don’t but I still wanted to give it, so take it. tana: and I will continue to do whatever I want with whoever I want, but thanks for the advice. tana: is kicking chairs making you feel better about it? tana: that it could happen to someone else. whatever ‘it’ is that happened to Rachel.

finn: good deal. sounds like a plan. have fun with that. finn: don't you have anything better to do? i can take care of myself. finn: it's not going to happen to anyone else. we're on high alert.

tana: you’re being an asshole. tana: but fine, I’ll plan with my ‘better to do’s’ or whatever since you’re acting like a dick.

finn: i’ll be around if you decide you wanna hangout. if not, have a good trip or whatever.

[day after] tana: you smiled yesterday, and you didn’t peel-over. Congrats. [deleted] [too morbid- not the season for that.] tana: I got a couple cute photos. Ones of you and Buster too. You might make it to the gram. [deleted] tana: I like you. [deleted] tana: I want more of that with you while I'm in town. [deleted] tana: thanks for today babe, now next time we can stay in all day. ;)

#iphone:finn #iphone:all #finntana

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mooneyedandglowing · 5 years

Text

It’s interesting. It’s interesting that I start anything about my inner life in such a context that makes me more observer than the one experiencing it. I spend so much of my time distanced from my emotions. It is to such an extent that I sometimes have to approach my feelings as guesses rather than truths. Like, I am sure I am scared. I must be scared, somewhere inside, I must be. It makes sense. I am surely terrified. My mother’s surgery is scheduled for the 9th of August. The doctors might not be able to be as minimally invasive as they had first intended due to the complications she has had. The complications she has had have surely taken an emotional toll on me. Surely. I say this over and over again.

I notice there are things not right with me currently, but I don’t feel those feelings. I notice the weight I’ve lost. I’ve noticed that I keep falling ill more than usual. I notice when I’ve not eaten for a day and yet feel no hunger. I notice when insomnia makes it so I do not sleep. I notice when different work tasks take me longer because my mind is not jumping in the quick way that it usually does. I notice when I haven’t laughed, truly laughed, in days. I notice the very bodily things, but the feelings aren’t there in my body - they are just expressed by it. The feelings are in the mind, and I’ve done something with that - something to do with survival, I’m sure. I will hyper-focus on something minor, like a wasp nest, because that’s imminent and within my ability to control. It’s easier, isn’t it, to do that. But I notice myself. I notice that I’ve done it. I am torturously self-aware in some ways while so self-ignorant in others, just like all of us I suppose. I have a tendency to try to intellectualize it - emotional response - intellectualize, analyze, look at it as if it were some strange bacterium to be diagnosed and sorted out. What do I miss when I do this? What do I deny myself? Who was I ten years ago? I believe she was different. I believe she was both more and less free than who I’ve become. I know I don’t approve wholly of her - if at all of her. I wouldn’t want to be her again, but I know I forgive her. I know she needed to heal and grow. She was shameless, I think, in a way, yet not in the ways she should have been. She was not gentle, especially not to herself. I’ve learned a lot of shame now, and about it, and I think most of that shame has been taught to me by men. I think I fight it. I think that every day I must fight that in order to nurture my sense of what is good.

I wrote something a while back that mattered to me then. It was a nonfiction piece written the day after finding out about my mother’s diagnosis. It was lauded. I was lauded, lauded for having such control over my emotions to be able to write that piece successfully. It’s in the distancing of myself from my own emotional world that I am able to do that, and I feel that, at times, it is a gift, but it is surely a disservice to myself in other moments. I do not cry. I do not scream. I do not bang my fists in grief like I once did years ago. I was reckless, yes, back in the past. I was reckless. I got myself into so much trouble, and I could have died. I don’t do that any longer, but yet at what cost as well? How far did I really need to take this to survive well, and have I gone too far? Has survival sacrificed living in some way? These are questions. I don’t have the answers.

Men. So much of the shame circles back to men, the messages they’ve put out for me about what is appropriate and what is not. It’s not about being desired. It’s about being respected. I don’t care for them to desire me, and I know that many of them do not respect me. I’m aware, so frighteningly aware, but I try to not let it control a reaction. I try to not allow it to write me, but It writes me anyway. There is one man, one man in all the world, one person in all this world who I can tell everything to. One person who I trust enough to mutter words of fear or defeat or disappointment in the self. It’s devastating to admit. I’ve not been treated fairly. I’ve not been treated well. It’s devastating to admit the wounds. Difficult. What has been done to me is difficult to speak of, difficult to write down, difficult to compose cohesively. And what else is that I don’t particularly ever wish for any man to know his impact. To give some sadist joy? What then? To know, like I know every time I see that look, that I’ve seen hatred in their eyes and then let them know how much it hurt me? I’d rather anything else than admit the reoccurring nightmares of PTSD. I’d rather anything than give them the room to do what abusive men do best, which is to twist the narrative until you, you yourself, believe what they are saying - that you have been, somehow, unreasonable, that you are unreasonable.

So what do I do instead? I become increasingly more in control of myself and everything else that I possibly can. I thought of it like a joke once - with every man I grow to hate, I level up. It’s really just a fucking shame though. It’s a shame the way I’ve been instructed, again and again, to second guess my voice. I try to fight it. I try to fight it always. I’m a bitch for that, no matter how kind I am in any other regard, but the only other option is a meek subservience that would destroy me entirely. I’d be replaced with those men’s thoughts. I’d be nothing of myself. I fling myself out there again and again. I stick my thoughts against walls. I try to not let their narratives creep in too deeply, but they come like little reminders. The words or actions of small and cruel men come as little quiet monsters in the back of the mind. I bat them off. I laugh. And yet my heart still fractures at the memory that they were words ever spoken by those I was giving some kind of love to.

And so I have one person that never judges me unfairly, who rarely casts a thoughtless word. One person who never uses my emotional information in a moment as bullets later. A person had to learn this, as we all do, how to be “safe.” And then I have several others in my life who I trust in different ways. I’m lucky, actually. I know I’m lucky. The relationships I have are strong. The people in my life are good. I know I am never as alone as I might think. I know it is never only me against the world - despite how true that may seem to me in any given moment. I’ve been wounded though. I’ve been sliced up. I’ve dealt with it in one of the ways people deal with those sorts of things. I became rebellious. I remain rebellious. Life has been so difficult lately. Life has exhausted me. Life is at all sides in a bad way. And I wish I could remember how it was to cry without berating myself. I wish I could remember how free I was with all that life and feeling just battering around. And I wish I could take off all this shame, give it back to the people who gave it to me - those insidious pricks (and as if I did not know what was happening, although I wished for anything else to be true). There’s nothing else to say about it. There’s nothing left for me to say, except how dare. Not all of us will react how you expect us to. Not all of us become more silent, more pleasing. Complaisance is unfathomable, and I hope as that it remains.

I hope, if anything, I’m becoming more deft, louder, more impactful. I hope, if anything, my distance will make the difference. And if I do deny myself, I hope it will only be of fear.

#personal #trigger warning #spilled ink #diary #journal #life #insomnia vibes #trying for sleep again

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himboholhorse-moving · 5 years

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1 2 4 7 8 9 13 18 20 26 27 29 30 32 39 40 41 43/44 45 46 49 51 53 55 56 57 59 63 65 that is. so many dghsdghsdgv I'm sorry I just see an ask meme and go crazy aaaa go stupid aaaa. You can just answer whichever u like from those!! also 69(nice): you seem rly nice and funny from your 🅱️osts and I appreciate u... I hope you can find better irl friends who aren't trash

HDSKFJKS I completely understand but lucky for u I LOVE to talk !!

1) How are you?

Pretty good, actually!! Which is a nice change of pace. I went to Walmart with some friends yesterday and got a few things, baked a family recipe that my friends LOVE, and finally did my laundry (it’s been a couple weeks we love depression and executive dysfunction dfhkjsfd). I went to Cracker Barrel with some friends and earlier and played a 4-way game of Tetris after. :3c

2) Post a picture of yourself.

Here you go !!

4) What is your entire name?

Sierra Alexis and my last name is something constantly misspelled so I’ll give you the name of a historical figure whose name is a letter off from mine: George B. McClellan, to whom I may or may not be related because last name variations are fuckin’ WEIRD.

7) Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality.

I’m a Capricorn sun and moon, and Libra rising !! And from what I’ve read on Twitter from various astrologers, like Milkstrology, I LOVE her, I’d say it’s pretty accurate with my personality!! I like to say Capricorn’s aren’t cold bitches but, I Have A Tendency To Be One !!

8) What did you do on your last birthday?

God what DID I do on my last birthday… it was in January, so like, I SHOULD remember… OH I went to IHOP with my friends !! I share a birthday with another friend and I got a JoJo notebook and something called a Fuggler! They’re stuffed animals more or less but designed to be “ugly.” I got one that looks like Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty because I LOVE Gritty… he’s so fun and funky.

9) What is one thing you’d like to accomplish before your next birthday?

Get all my requests in my inbox over on my writing blog done KJHFDJKSF it’s been a few months and life has been. Hectic to say the least.

13) If you could change your eye color, would you?

There’s so much weird as hell brown-eye-phobia so like… I think blue eyes would be pretty neat. OR PURPLE… give me some unnatural eye colors pls...

18) Do you have any tattoos?

Not yet!! I’m going to get one the next time I go back home for break. :3c And I have a few ideas for other ones!! I wanna get a big-ass “Dragon Age: Origins” tattoo that’s the dragon on the cover on my thigh. I also wanna get a DA2 and “Inquisition” tattoo… and the Joestar birthmark… too many ideas…

20) Left or right handed?

Right-handed !! I could have been left-handed or ambidextrous if I broke my arm AFTER I started kindergarten, but alas that was before.

26) Something you are working on right now:

This !! But also the script for my next podcast episode that I record on uhhh Monday I think. Should probably figure that one out dsjfjhsf

27) Do you have any “rules” about food?

I answered that in the last ask !!

29) What would you say is your best quality?

I also answered this in the last ask !!

30) What do you think you’re really good at?

Writing, I’d say! And memorizing trivia about the stuff I’m super into. If it’s stuff pertaining to “M*A*S*H” or old movies or TV shows or actors or specific historical events, I will know that shit FOR LIFE. Don’t ask me to do math pls thank u

32) What talent do you wish you’d been born with?

I wish I was able to do stuff with music. That was never really in my blood, despite all the music classes they make you take in elementary school. I just never learned how to memorize or read sheet music. :/ I would have loved to play violin, tho… my friend plays and she says I would have been a good cellist.

39) Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

YES… have for years. I still have my Care Bear from when I was 5, Gritty as mentioned above, a plush of my school’s mascot, and a little Fugo !! He’s so tiny.

40) What do you think about the most?

Everything and constantly and all at once. But the past really because I can never let stuff go and even the small things I mess up on haunt me forever… Wish that wasn’t the case but it is !!

41) Share two habits:

Biting my nails and having a very specific routine in which I get ready when I wake up. Like, I’ve gotta go brush my hair before I put my important cards in my left pocket, then put on my silver bracelet, then my beaded bracelet, then my earbuds in my right pocket, then put my earrings in. I HAVE to do it in that order…

And other oddities that include, like, if I need to go around something I HAVE to follow the urge to go one way and not the other, lest I feel the need to go back and fix it. And then which foot goes first before I reach a crack in the sidewalk, or up or down a curb, etc.

43) What are your career goals?

If I can just make people happy or get some kind of joy out of the things I do, I’d call that enough. :)

44) What is your ideal career?

Mmm, either a film historian or a film professor !! Preferably at the college I’m at right now but wherever the wind takes me, I’ll go! Or a Twitch streamer or YouTuber, it really depends on my mood jdhfjskf

45) Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

It was pretty much the same !! Freshman year was pretty lively, I didn’t have a job on campus yet though, or my podcast. Everything else is basically the same!

46) Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

CONSTANTLY… good or bad it’ll play back over and over and over again.

49) Do you have any phobias?

HOO BOY, DO I… fear of heights; fear of insects/bugs/arachnids/bees/wasps; I have a strong dislike of the number 13 but I don’t know if it’s a phobia, I just. REALLY hate it; the unknown, more or less what lurks somewhere beyond where I can see. Not so much a fear of the dark with that one, just what could BE in it.

51) Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?

I answered this in my last ask, as well!

53) Ever come close to death?

Two or three times, maybe? Two of them involved what’s called a laryngospasm, typically it can happen when your sick, which is what happened to me both times. Basically your throat just closes up on your for a hot minute and you can’t breathe. The first time I genuinely thought I was going to die (and my dad still sent me to school that day… HOE), the second time I was also sick and was losing/had lost my voice DURING A JOB RETREAT and it happened in the middle of the night so that was funny sitting there gasping for breath in the pitch dark.

At the FIRST retreat I went on for that job, you had to take pictures as part of a scavenger hunt, and the place used to be an old military fort, so there were still the old bunkers there. We had to take one on top of it and I was taking the picture, and it’s a wide shot so I go to take a step back but before I do I look behind me. If I hadn’t I would have fallen a good 10-15 feet down onto solid Civil War-era bunker concrete. I’d consider that being a “close to death” moment because I really could have died!

55) A random fact about yourself:

I have a half-brother !! My sis and I finally found him after her 23andMe results came back (which she decided to do despite us being like THE GOVERNMENT WILL COLLECT OUR DATA) and we didn’t think our mom would be happy she found him but she was !! My sis might reach out and contact him, she just wanted our mom’s permission first to do it.

56) What are three things most people don’t know about you?

Well, that I have a half-brother. I don’t mention it a lot. Aside from y’all on here and my sister, most everyone else doesn’t know I’m nonbinary! Everyone else knows I’m bi though lmao. And that there were times I’d stretch or bend the truth or lie about something just to impress someone else. It’s a… Bad Habit. Another thing is that most people don’t know I like coffee? Like I need to put a shit ton of creamer in with it because I’m a Bitch, but yeah.

57) An unknown fact about your life:

I wouldn’t call this an “unknown” fact but I’d used to go to work with my dad every now and again when he worked at the Home Depot and he was assistant manager. I’d either chill in the back room which was an office he shared with two other guys, or walk around the store with him. I had my own apron, too, which was my name with “Mini Mac” next to it, “Mac” being my dad’s nickname and something easier to say than my last name. I actually helped a few customers out so I wonder if I should have gotten paid for that despite being like, ages 9-13 when I’d go jshfkjd

And I guess I technically tested video games as a kid? Basically, when my dad was stationed at Fort Knox, they’d get demos of video games that hadn’t come out yet to test I suppose? and I still have a few somewhere. He’d hand them off to me and I’d play them so there’s that.

59) Five weird things that you like:

Eating globs of wasabi for no reason.

Scaring my friends also for no reason.

I wouldn’t say using cotton swabs to get wax out of your ears because it feels good is weird, just more medically inadvisable if anything.

When I was younger I’d like to floss really hard because the slight pain from it felt good. Young me was a #Freaque KJHDFJJDHF

I don’t know if being fond of alphabetizing and reorganizing things is considered weird but I LOVE doing that.

63) A quote you try to live by:

“It matters not how strait the gate, / How charged with punishments the scroll; / I am the master of my fate: / I am the captain of my soul.” It’s from the poem “Invictus” and the last two lines are what I’m getting tattooed !!

65) Weird things you do when you’re alone:

Practice the “Lucky Star” dance. I GOT THE LYRICS DOWN… JUST NEED TO DO THE DANCE NOW…

69) Leave me a compliment:

“you seem rly nice and funny from your 🅱️osts and I appreciate u... I hope you can find better irl friends who aren't trash”

Anon pls 🥺 I do my best to be nice but my friend really do test me sometimes... my feelings bounce back n forth like if they do something my feelings can switch to angry or like, hate, and then if they do something nice I’ll like them again. It sucks but ! I just take it one day at a time. Anon I care for u 💜💜💜

#anonymous #asks #ask games #I love u anon 💜 thank u for letting me just Talk jdhsksjf #Anonymous

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coffee-for-himchan · 6 years

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Not Your Usual Birthday Surprise (Himchan)

(A/N) So, I am super tired and super busy currently, but I tried to do my best in order to write this for our sunshine Himchan’s birthday! Hope it turned out fine! ❤

This is not what he had in mind when he had overheard you telling one of your friends that you had a surprise planned for his birthday.

The vivid image of you from that evening was still engraved into his imagination - all curled up in a weird but comfortable, or so he guessed, position on one of the kitchen chairs, knees pulled to your chest as one of your hands was fiddling with your loose pajama shorts while the other held up your phone to your ear. He just wanted to get himself a glass of water, nothing more or less, his footsteps tired and sloppy as they filed the hallway that connected the bedroom and the kitchen. Yet as he saw you there, he froze a little.

Trying to become one with the wall located to his right, he stilled to the extent that the only movement coming from him was his chest rising up and down with every breath he took. And maybe his eyes drifting from one part of you to another every now and then, his lips slowly curling into a smile as he watched.

It was a cheesy, sappy moment. One of those movie scenes where the main hero lovingly stared at his love interest with only the best of thoughts about them in their mind. With a lot of appreciation for simply finding you like this - in the middle of his kitchen, late at night. Going on about your life, making him happy by just the fact you could be anywhere in the world currently, but chose to be here with him instead. For some reason, felt his body getting all warmed up at just the thought of all this.

And he swore, he wanted to just pass by and get that water. Maybe give you a quick forehead kiss while he passed by just to see your smile unfold. He wanted to be honest, he really did. But then he heard his own name - not being a call for him to come or something, but being a mention to whoever was on the other end of the line.

And then he ended up eavesdropping.

That's how he learned a detail or two, and how absurd ideas of all that could possibly happen crept into his mind. He knew you were one to spoil him out of your mind on many occasions, despite the fact he did not always await such attention directed his way. He knew you could be up for anything realy. And only having heard one half of the conversation, he was not sure of what that surprise that you had planned for him was.

But he knew there would be one, and since he had heard the phrase "I'll leave him hints", the first thing he did in the morning upon opening his eyes was immediately kneading his eyebrows together and starting to look for clues.

How comes he understood them only now, when he was already about to go and had no way back?

"Sun's shining~" your arms wrapped around his neck from behind, and he smiled at the way your head rested against his, your nose ruffling through his hair as you kissed his temple, "And skies are extra blue. For my birthday boy~"

He waited for you to depart and sit across of him, adored the way you two stayed around at the breakfast table a little longer than usual, knowing he liked mornings to start off slow. The occasional laughter, the recently-developed spring heat coming from the cracked open windows. The smell of warm coffee and the way you always lightly kicked him underneath the table when he said something hilariously stupid, resulting in a mess of giggles, scurrying away and more kicking war. Remind him, how old was he turning today? He though he acted like he was five again, but as long as you did not mind, he could care less. He could just continue feeling comfortable in his own skin.

The mentions of the sky were hint one, he figured now. Hint two had to be the conversation form a little later that same morning.

"Himchan, save me. There's a wasp in the bedroom."

He both rolled his eyes and chuckled, and, straightening out his back and shoulders to look like your brave savior and knight in shining armor, he left your distressed frame behind to go and take care of it. Were wasps even supposed to be a thing at such an early time of year? He had guessed those came around a little later, more near summertime. But that wasn't the point of this.

As he came back and gave you a thumbs up, your face looked like you had just regained those five years you had originally aged upon seeing the insect first. A few swings of one of your magazines and it was out the window, Himchan said. He clearly took pride in chasing it out without killing it. Yongguk would be proud of him too.

"Aren't you afraid of wasps?"

"Not really," he though out loud, "Just an insect. Nothing big."

"Himchannie.. what are you afraid of then?"

He remembered thinking it was an unusual topic of conversation while getting ready in the morning, but who was he to judge or not answer? His mild fear of heights he mentioned only briefly was what seemed to spark your interest, as you were glued at his side the second he mentioned it.

"So, like, you would not climb up a tower to see the town underneath?"

"I mean, I would, probably.." he though, thinking of what even was scary. Horses were scary, for example - he did not trust those at all. Yongguk was scary those two or three times Himchan had seen him angry, as his anger was silent, and nothing was scarier than silent anger. And heights.. Were scary too, but to some extent. He would climb towers, sure. But other things.. He would have to think about those.

"Ready?" he snapped back to his surroundings, looking over at you. Oh god, you were drowning in those big frame protection glasses, and it looked so cute. In fact, the whole gear looked rather amusing but at the same time fascinating, and as he had been focused on it for a little bit too long, you mistook it as hesitation.

No, in reality, he was hesitant about this. But somehow the thrill to do it kept him from making a run from it.

"Maybe we should have done something else.." your hand linked with his, and he squeezed it a little, smiling at you, "Damn, I knew this was a stupid idea-"

"No, it wasn’t. You just gotta remember I have a glass heart, so if I scream like a schoolgirl, you'll have to silently accept it and tell anyone who might ask afterwards that yes, I did scream, but those were manly screams."

That made you, as well as both instructors nearby who had coincidentally heard that lone phrase and nothing more or less than that, laugh out loud, and you looked back at him wholeheartedly, knowing that in reality he would scream his head off. God, you could practically hear his heartbeat from afar, all fast and really audible now. But his smile told otherwise. He was scared, yes. But he was thrilled beyond that.

It was worth his facial expression when you drove there just a little after lunch out with his friends, was worth the way he looked like he was about to make a run from the scene as soon as he understood were you were taking him to, and even more so when he signed the papers and got acquainted with equipment and all that he would have to do now while pacing around, displaying smiles, fear and nervous excitement all at the same time. But there was no way back.

He figured he should’ve known about it after “Skydive” started playing on your way here, but he thought it was too crazy to be true. Who would take him out to do that? The scaredy-cat Himchan, out of everyone? This would be Junhong’s cup of tea more than anyone’s, maybe the others would try it too, since they were a little braver than him on most occasions. Even after he was already more than 12,000 feet above ground level, he still could not believe what he was about to do now. But there was no time left, as the instructors started moving around and motioning for the two of you to get ready, with a last reassuring look, you watched as he and his instructor stepper up front, and after another moment where they shouted their goodbyes and told you you’d meet back on the ground, were gone.

Falling down in a free fall.

Only in the very evening, upon being back in his apartment and having the rest of B.A.P coming over spontaneously, he figured he would remember this forever.

Everyone seemed to have known about your plans for the day, which Himchan thought was nowhere near fair, but quite self-explanatory. Yongguk had a mild smile on his face upon hearing how it had gone, that smile being genuine and without the teeniest tint of bad intention of mockery to it. Junhong pouted at how he would sure want to go skydiving himself sometime in the future, and Jongup had the most chill yet supportive smile on his face, as if he did not doubt this idea from the very start and was silently proud of Himchan. Daehyun and Youngjae, on the other hand, were in total disbelief that Himchan had agreed to do it at all, and he laughed as you scolded them for placing a bet that he wouldn’t do it just to find out you were the one they had the bet against, and now owed you. You ended up not taking their money, their facial expressions of disbelief being more than enough for you already, and you watched as they bombarded you two with questions, their eyes shining excitedly at all the stories you told.

And despite the fact you had actually obtained both your reactions on video and it could clearly be seen that none of Himchan’s squeals and loud screams were as manly as he had claimed them to be, everyone, despite having a good laugh from the footage, was aware how this had been a good idea, as while soaring through the skies and falling down at an exciting speed, his eyes had shone with both, excitement and disbelief, and continued doing so even after he had landed on the ground already. Even after he watched you landing too and did nothing other than scoop you up in happy hugs afterwards. Happy, mildly still nervous and shaky hugs, but no one was supposed to know that.

And though he did get teased about how afraid he must’ve been by just about any friend or acquaintance that got to know about his plans for that day, it had all been worth it. Because he had never thought he would be brave enough to do something like this, but he guessed that the encouragement you had offered him was enough. Because he did not have to do it on his own, just like anything else at least mildly concerning in his life recently.

And it was once again that same, sappy and cheesy moment - with him getting warm all over at just the thought of you always sticking by his side and making him do crazy, exciting things he thought he would never do. Just because you were you, and weirdly, your encouragement seemed to be enough for him to do just about anything he wanted to, no matter how unusual, exciting or scary.

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sherrybaby14 · 7 years

Text

Who Am I? Part Five

Summary: Tony's take on you and Steve, plus a certain soldier makes a brief appearance Warnings: None for this chapter @divadinag @ariwolff14 @mrssgtjamesbuckybarnes @marauderice @kellyn1604 @negan--is--god @theariel85 A yawn escaped Steve’s mouth as he went opened the fridge. A side effect of the serum was lack of fatigue, apparently that was more limited to fighting and less so to constant sexual session. He smiled, guessing there was actually a way to drain him after all. Since he brought the girl back to his space every three and a half hours he made sure to wake up and give her what she needed. After the last session he decided to get out of bed. It was 10 am, much later than he normally slept. She on the other hand looked like she needed more sleep than he was allowing. There was no knock or alert when the elevator doors opened. Steve was not surprised to see Tony march in with his chest puffed out and an angry look on his face. Steve spun in the kitchen as the other man walked up, practically shaking a finger. “Want to explain to me what the hell is going on?” Tony shoved him, but Steve didn’t move an inch. “You’re up early.” Steve poured a glass of milk. “I’d offer you coffee, but I don’t have any.” “Want to explain to me why the lab rat is upstairs?” Tony pointed towards Steve’s bedroom. “Want to explain to me how you know that?” Steve knew the answer, but wanted to hear it. “I know what happens in my own building.” Tony reached out and stole Steve’s milk. “You told me she wasn’t having an effect on you.” “Well she wasn’t, and then she was.” Steve shrugged. “Did you claim her at least?” Tony raised his eyebrows. “Nope. Side effect of her pills, can’t yet.” Steve stole his milk back. “Crap. Do you understand how illegal this is? How much trouble you would be in? I would be in? Can your thick alpha brain not think of anything except a little omega treat?” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’re talking straight up felony jail time.” “Relax.” Steve flicked Tony on the forehead. “She’s my problem now. Don’t give her a second thought.” “Claim her, then we can come up some back story or get her to deny your involvement and then we can ship her off.” Tony pulled his hands down his face. Steve let out a growl. Tony stopped and his eyes went wide. “No. Bad alpha.” Tony smacked Steve on the nose. “I’m not putting up with this aggression garbage. Take care of business, keep her hidden until then. No more midnight lab runs. I’d send the two of you away, but then you’d probably let her do whatever she wanted and definitely get caught. At least here I can watch over you.” “Any word from Bruce?” Steve did not want to hear Tony talk about his omega any more. “Late last night. He’ll be back tomorrow. You didn’t hear from Bucky?” Tony leaned against the kitchen counter. “Don’t tell me, you get a girlfriend and ditch your boyfriend?” “I didn’t check my phone.” Steve let out another yawn. “Wow, I just realized you look like shit.” Tony grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this bad…and I’ve seen you in some rough spots.” Steve propped his elbows up on the counter and wiped his face now. Then he let out another yawn. Tony was not a good moral compass, but at this point Steve was almost desperate for some feedback. “Can I ask you a hypothetical?” Steve really wanted some coffee. “Shoot.” Tony almost leaned in, as if he thought he was about to get some special gossip. “If you had a friend who was a drug addict, what line would you cross to help them get clean?” Steve hoped he was staying vague enough. If Tony knew the entire story there is no way he would approve, but the man was a beta. He couldn’t possibly understand. “Are you talking about that chickee upstairs?” Tony raised his eyes. “Because there was nothing addictive in those pills.” “No.” Steve shook his head. “Just hypothetical.” “Do you think Bucky relapsed?” Tony’s voice dropped an octave. “Hypothetical.” Steve crossed his arms. “I would do whatever it took to get them clean.” Tony slapped the counter. “Hypothetically if you helped them before you still have everything in place.” Tony glanced over his shoulder to the other set of stairs. The ones that led to Bucky’s room. When Steve first found him he insisted on helping him. The others were reluctant at first, but Bucky’s room was originally more like a cell. When the building was destroyed their apartment was largely untouched. As soon as Bucky’s HYDRA influence was erased moving into separate living spaces hadn’t came up. “Let me guess, you’re going to spend the day taking care of the girl?” Tony pushed off the counter. “Most likely.” Steve was staring at Bucky’s room, wondering if it could serve another purpose now. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Keep her hidden until you claim her.” Tony started towards the door. “Aren’t you going to ask what we were doing in the lab?” Steve realized Tony was not being as mosey as he normally was. “You were doing blood tests on each other.” He didn’t bother to turn around when he hit the elevator call button. “Found out that your blood would pretty much destroy her. Guess you will have to wait until the pills wear off the old fashioned way. Guessing on her age and time on them, I’m guess three, four months tops. You could’ve just asked me, after all, I’m a scientist too.” Steve rolled his eyes. Tony was a lot of things, but not a scientist. He knew when he took her to the lab Tony would find out. He expected this conversation to go a lot worse. The elevator arrived and Steve had to get out one last question. “Hey, wait.” Tony turned around. “Why were you so nice about all of this?” Steve walked around the kitchen counter. “Because you’re an old man.” Tony walked in the elevator. “It’s about time you settled down and you were never going to go to one of those formal houses. So a beautiful, smart omega walks into your life. As long as you claim her as soon as possible, keep her hidden in the process we’re OK. Bruce might be another story though.” With that the elevator doors closed. A small smile crossed Steve’s face. Maybe Tony was right, besides, she needed him. Whatever it took. That’s what he would do to help her. ~~~ The euphoric haze flooded your body and you curled up in your spot on Steve’s chest. You were exhausted, and not just now, literally all day. You weren’t even sure if it was daytime or not, giant blackout blinds covered the wall of windows in his room. Were they blinds? You couldn’t tell. “You should eat something.” Steve rubbed your arm. “Un-un.” You shook your head and tried to snuggle up to him. “I’m too tired.” “It’s three o’clock in the afternoon.” Steve gave you a little shake. “I mean it.” You threw your arm across his chest. “All I want, all I need is sleep and you.” It was impossible to keep time, all you did was sleep and wake up when Steve started kissing you. You never complained, he knew what you needed and when you needed it. “Come on. I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.” Steve sat up. You clutched the sheet to your chest, but he tossed you a shirt. “Y/N, I mean it. Time to eat something.” Steve mumbled something else and then the blinds/wall started to open. Sunlight flooded the room and you groaned. You felt like you could sleep for days, but your eyelids fluttered open and you saw the look of concern on his face. It made your heart hurt and you sat up, pulling the shirt over your head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why, I’m just exhausted.” You let out a yawn as you flung your legs over the bed. “This isn’t like me.” “Believe me, I feel you.” Steve held out a hand. You noticed bags under his eyes and never felt more selfish in your life. You placed your hand in his and let him pull you up. You almost fell against him, but he grabbed your other arm and steadied you. “Are you alright?” A huge grin spread across your face. You had never felt so loved in your entire life. Part of you wanted to fall into him just to have him hold you again, but you knew how unfair that would be. So instead you steadied yourself. “I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m so sleepy. I’m sure it will pass.” You let out a yawn. “I wish we could cuddle all night.” “Someday.” Steve leaned down and kissed your forehead. The sacrifice this man was making for you was unbelievable. You paused to take him in, pajama pants resting low on his hips. There was not a more perfect specimen on the planet. He beamed down at you with a small smirk and you looked away. “I told you, this is yours. Look away.” Steve started walking towards the door, pulling you behind him. When he opened the door it was direct to a set of stairs. You got a view of most of his place. It was gigantic. It was an open floor plan. The door opened directly to the elevator you came in last night. To the left of that was a kitchen, to the right an area with a kitchen table. As you descended you saw another set of stairs that met Steve’s at the bottom. They went up to a single closed door. When the second floor dropped out of view you saw the floor to ceiling windows and more open space. Half the area had a sunken, built in couch with a bar and television. The other side had a small workout area. Essentially the place was one giant room though. “I would hate to have a fear of heights.” The sun spilled in from the view of the Manhattan skyline. You were taller than any other building in view. When you reached the bottom step Steve led you to the kitchen, then sat you down at a bar stool at the kitchen counter. An alpha who could cook, you certainly were lucky. That was one thing that omega’s learned when they went to the homes, making you intentionally avoid the subject. “Not afraid of heights. What are you afraid of?” Steve pulled out a pan. “I was scared of being found out.” You hated to keep brining up the topic, but it had been such a huge part of your life. “Outside of that, I hate bugs especially wasps and hornets. I don’t mind spiders though.” “What makes a spider so special?” Steve got the rest of the food ready. “They kill other bugs. We play for the same team.” You tried to stifle another yawn. “What about you? What is Steve Rogers afraid of?” He smiled and looked over at you. “I love it that you see me as Steve Rogers and not Captain America.” His happiness made a strange feeling run through your body. Better than an A on a test or an accolade from a colleague ever had. “That’s not an answer.” You tried to give him a sly look, but another yawn escaped your mouth. “You really are exhausted.” He dropped the sandwich on the pan. The smell of the food made you wanted to cringe. All you wanted was his scent. The other aroma was souring it. “You don’t look so awake yourself.” You knew it was your fault and your dropped your chin. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He flipped the sandwich. “The only bugs we ever had growing up with cockroaches. They became a part of life. I used to give them nicknames.” “Ick. Where did you grow up?” You pictured him a midwestern farm kid. “Really? They teach about me in history classes.” He looked at you like you were lying. “All I cared about was science and math. Everything I learned about history got deleted so I could store more information. You’re lucky I still retained some knowledge from English.” You couldn’t believe how one track minded you were. “Sorry.” “Don’t be. I think I like it.” Steve flopped the grilled cheese on a plate and brought it to you. “New York.” “Wow, a city boy.” You shook your head in disbelief. “You’re full of surprises.” You wanted to pick up the sandwich and take a bite, but your stomach cringed at the thought. You looked up at him and his face fell. “I can’t.” You grabbed your stomach. “It looks really good, but if I take a bite of that I’ll throw it up.” Steve walked around the counter. He held out a hand like he was going to check you for a fever. You pulled your head back. “That’s not it.” One of the thing that scared you the most about your type was that. “I am more than satisfied in that department. I think it’s a side effect of the withdraw.” Steve dropped his hand. He let out a yawn and you copied him. Fatigue was not a side effect of what Steve was concerned about. “I really just need sleep. I’m sure this is temporary.” You stood up from the barstool and almost fell. Steve steadied you before bending down and scooping you up. You were so lucky to have this alpha who cared about you this way. You remembered the bags under his eyes and the yawns. You needed to repay the favor. “Steve, you don’t have to be on like a clock.” You brought your arms around his neck. “I hate to put you in that position, but it’s only temporary. I’m sure I will sleep longer than four hours anyway. That way you can rest.” His brow furrowed and he walked towards the stairs. He started up the left ones, but then turned around and headed up the other set. It didn’t matter where he was taking you. He knew best. “Promise?” He kissed your forehead. “Uh-huh.” You rested your head and felt your arms sliding away, never realizing life could be this good. You passed out in his arms, hoping you could be this happy forever. ~~~ Your eyes popped open. You sat up in complete darkness. Your arms stretched out, trying to feel where you were. In the middle of a giant bed, apparently alone. You felt your way to the edge and rolled out of it. Then walked with out hands outstretched, reaching for a wall. Finally your reached it, but it was soft. Your heart raced as you tried to feel for a light switch. After what felt like you had showered the entire length you found one and flipped it on. You were right. All of the walls were padded. The only thing in the room was the bed. Then your scanned the walls. There was a closet, a door, and a bathroom. You darted towards the exit. Of course it was locked. You pounded on it, but with each hit of your palm a memory came back. Your body working against his. You begging for him to fill you. Curling up against his chest. You fell to the floor and let out a sob. That was not you. That was some virus inside of your body growing. You didn’t not try to silence yourself. Footsteps running up. “Y/N, are you okay?” The asshole’s voice came from the other side. You scooted away from the door. You started to hyperventilate. Then the door swung open and you saw him. This is for your own good. You curled away from him. The doorframe was too small. You were incapable of hiding your distress. Every inch of you wanted to attack him. This man who had down this to you. His mouth hung open and he looked you up and down with shock. You did not want his pity this was his fault. With a sudden surge of adrenaline you flung yourself forward, not caring that you could not over power him. You almost made it passed him, but he grabbed you at the last second, his grip not as strong as you remembered. You kicked and scratched as he dragged you back to the bed. “LET ME OUT OF HERE. YOU FUCKING MONSTER!” You screamed at him as he tossed you down. His eyes never went black and he didn't try to grab you. Instead he moved back to the doorway. “I’m sorry, but I’m too tired. I can’t.” You stood up from the bed and raced towards him, but it slammed shut. You heard a lock click and started tugging at the handle. “HELP! LET ME GO!” You continued to pound at the door. How could this have happened to you? More memories of the last twenty four hours flooded your brain. The time in the lab. You helped him! You told you rapist what he had to do to keep you compliant. Everything you had worked for, your life's work, was used against you. What sort of psychopath had picked you? The door handle started to move again and your eyes went wide. You had to fight him with everything you had. You were stronger than this. It opened and you stood up, ready to try and shove him down the stairs. Instead you froze, shocked by what you saw. There was a strange man there. He had longer dark brown hair and equally as beautiful eyes as Steve. Relief flushed through you and you wrapped your arms around the man. Someone was here to help you, end this nightmare. You didn’t hold back the tears as he brought his arms around your back. “Shhhh.” He rubbed you back. “You don’t know what he’s done to me.” You made out between tears. “Please take me away from him.” There were so many other issues fighting you brain right now. You didn’t have time to think about what you were asking. The idea of an omega house filled you with almost as much dread as staying here, almost. “Shhhh.” He pulled you in tighter. “Thank you.” You needed out of this nightmare. “Shhhh.” His hand was so smoothing. Then you noticed his smell. Alpha. You started to shake. Steve had carried you up to the other room, this padded cell. He told you all about his best friend the first night you were together. The night your pheromones caused Steve’s eyes to get blown. You pulled away slowly and looked up at the new alpha. “I’m here to help you.” He blinked. You didn’t wait to see how they looked when he blinked. You pushed back off of him and fell to the floor. A growl escaped his lips and a scream escaped your lips.

#fan fic #marvel fanfiction #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #alpha beta omega #bucky barnes

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caseofthestolenspecs · 7 years

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Promptober Day 21: Studying

(For @miluette‘s Promptober!)

Prompto hated bugs.

Unfortunately, his job meant that he had to be outside pretty much all the time, and outside meant bugs. Lots of them. Whether small, ‘normal’-sized bugs, or oh-my-God-what-even-IS-that sized bugs, they were everywhere. His hatred of them stemmed from an intense fear that began with a wasp sting that he had endured when he was little (he was eating raisins and it attracted a wasp. He hated raisins now, too), and an incident with a spider in high school (he was kind of scared of thrift stores after that). Regardless, he didn’t exactly sign up for a bug safari when he left Insomnia, but now he had no choice but to figure out how to live in harmony with them from then on.

Ugh. But why? Couldn’t they just... stay away?! Unfortunately, not even bug repellant could save him from his creepy-crawly-flying reality. Dealing with bugs was now part of his job.

So, in a desperate attempt to coexist, he decided to study them. He’d picked up an old bug encyclopedia the last time they’d combed through the marketplace, and when he had some downtime, usually in the car, he’d read it, learning about all kinds of different bug species. He hated to admit it, but it was actually really fascinating. Bugs were still freaky, of course, but now they were also kinda neat, too.

One night, it was a little too dark to read his book so he decided to read some research articles on his phone instead, sitting in front of the campfire.

“Hey, Prom,” Gladio greeted, stepping out from the tent and walking over to the cooler so he could grab a beer. Prompto didn’t reply. He approached him from behind and gave him a nudge. “Hey. Eos to Prompto. You there?”

“Oh, hey Gladio,” Prompto replied after a moment. “Sorry. I’m just in the middle of reading something. Had to finish that paragraph.”

“Eh? What’re you reading now? More bug stuff?” Gladio asked. He’d noticed Prompto reading that gigantic book of bugs in the car as of late, and being a bit of a reading buff himself, he couldn’t help but be curious.

“Yep. Bug stuff. Specifically, killer wasps. Oh, and tarantulas. Not really in that order, or at the same time. Got a couple tabs open in my phone’s browser.” Prompto glanced over his shoulder at the other and smiled.

“So, why the bug thing?” Gladio cracked open his beer.

“I hate them,” Prompto said simply.

Gladio raised an eyebrow. “And… you’re spending all your time reading about them because you hate them?”

Prompto waved his hand. “Dude. If you wanna beat your enemy, you gotta know your enemy, right? I thought that maybe if I understood them a bit more, I’d be less scared of’ ‘em.”

“Yeah? And how’s that going for you so far?” Gladio smirked as he slowly sipped his beverage.

“Actually… pretty good! A bee flew by me earlier and I didn’t run away, so I consider that progress.” Prompto started tapping away at his phone screen again.

“And how about spiders?” Gladio asked.

“Pfffff. Spiders? No sweat. They just hang out in their webs and eat other bugs. I’ve come to respect them for that, y’know, eating those more evil than them. They’re OK in my books. Well, at least the small ones. Ones bigger than my foot are a different story. And ones bigger than me as a whole, well, sorry, but we’re never gonna be cool with each other, no way no how.”

“Oh, yeah? So small ones are okay?” Gladio slowly stepped closer to Prompto.

“I guess? I mean, I’m not about to go running through a ton of cobwebs or anything anytime soon, but the concept of a small spider doesn’t really bother me anymore.” Prompto’s attention was back on his phone, and now he was kinda wanting Gladio to go. No offense to him or anything, but the article he was reading was starting to get really, really good.

“Uh, Prom,” Gladio began.

“What?” Prompto groaned.

“There’s a spider on the back of your chair.”

“Ha ha. Very funny,” Prompto grumbled.

“No, seriously, it’s there. It’s huge. It’s coming up. It’s gonna get you if you don’t move.”

“Hilarious, Gladio. Hey, can you grab me a beer?”

“Sure, but the spider’s gonna get you while I’m gone.”

“Uh huh,” Prompto said, disinterested.

Gladio touched the back of the chair with his hand, his fingers simulating the motions of a spider. “Shit. It’s really on a mission.”

“Wow.”

“Seriously, here it comes. I think it’s going for your hair. It’s got a thing for blonds. Perfect nest material.” Gladio’s hand slowly made its way up the back support of the chair.

“Golly. That’s really specific. Are you a spider whisperer?” Prompto murmured.

“Actually, yeah, I am. Well, anyway, guess I’ll go get you that beer.” Gladio turned and began to walk away, giving Prompto the illusion that he had left temporarily.

He peered over and saw that Prompto was invested in his phone again. Perfect. When he was sure that Prompto had lowered his guard, he returned, quickly creeping his spider-hand up Prompto’s back and finally to the back of his neck as tickled him there. “Shit! I tried to warn you!” Gladio exclaimed.

Prompto knew it was coming, and yet it still got a reaction out of him and he hated it. He felt his nerves rise and immediately upon contact he yelped, scrambling to his feet as he ran around to the opposite side of the campfire.

“Dammit, Gladio! Not funny!” Prompto gasped.

Gladio laughed. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Thought you and small spiders were savvy now.”

“Uh, your hand is anything but small? Man, you’re… you’re really gonna get it,” Prompto exhaled slowly, feeling his heart race. “When you least suspect it… you’re reaaaaally gonna get it.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Gladio said, still laughing as he waved his hand dismissively and disappeared back into the tent.

Well.

A few weeks later, Prompto followed through on his promise. He found a spider the size of his palm and may or may not have let it crawl across Gladio’s face while he slept. Gladio… never teased Prompto about bugs again, and in the days that followed, Gladio began reading up on spiders. Y’know, studying them. Gotta know your enemy, right?

#prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia #promptober #writing #mine #bugs #spiders

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grime7000 · 4 years

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recently i learned that i like barbecue sauce. i was always offput by the smell but i got hungry and ate barbecue wings at haley’s. turns out they’re pretty good. turns out i have to stay alive. for me, i guess, i guess for me, but for haley. for my parents. for connor and jules and penny. i’m not convinced anybody else cares about me, the real me, except for them, but that’s a long enough list to keep me going. even though it’s inescapably and indescribably painful. i should probably text whitney back. i like that my dad and connor and i rescued a wasp. i don’t want to think about gender. i want people to use they/them for me i think. i wish i didnt like alcohol so much. i wish i minded being as dependent on weed as i am, but i dont. i like weed. i like being high. i want an apartment with a friend but i need a friend without a cat. i want an apartment with a bathtub and a balcony and i want my own bong. i want to vomit in my own toilet. i want to live a life outside of my parents bubble i want to leave the room i’ve lived in since near infancy. i miss david. i dont know what to say to lincoln. i miss feeling safe and understood. i thought i craved new things but i miss the familiar and the warmth. it’s unfair to david to still be in love with him. it’s unfair to ME to still be in love with him. moving on is a foreign concept. i am attached to people by the roots, just like in my poem. i wish andrew would occupy less space in my brain. i wish i would occupy less space in the world. this is getting out of hand. i’m tired and scared to fall asleep. i wish i could know peace

#08/05/2020

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aetaeswolf · 6 years

Photo

Sarah peeks into the room, her mixed eyes looking around. She soon spots the naga she had been looking for, resting in his coiled golden tail, his eyes closed.

The werewolf brushes her tail against the floor, looking to the entrance of the temple. Maybe she could go out while he was sleeping?

She wouldn’t be long, just out to get some air then back before he ever woke up.

Sarah brushes away a stray piece of hair from her face, quietly walking over to the entrance.

“Where are you going?”

The werewolf freezes, her ears going completely straight. “I... I-I was, uh...”

“The hunters are still in the forest.” Jharn opens his hazel eyes, looking at the blonde. “It would not be wise to leave the temple until they have given up the chase.” He wraps his tail around the blonde, bringing her over to him and away from the entrance. “You may have created this world, but you need to learn how to survive here until you can return back home.”

Sarah huffs, crossing her arms as she glares at the wall, her ears flattening in annoyance. “I thought you were asleep.”

The naga chuckles. “Sarah, I am a God. I do not need sleep, though it is something I can do.”

“I should’ve written you as a garden snake...” The blonde mutters.

Jharn simply smirks, resting his elbow on his coils as he rests his chin in his palm. “You love me too much to do that, and you know it.” He chuckles. “You know, you’re adorable when you’re mad.”

“Shut up!”

The naga laughs, shaking his head. He gets up, pushing his long copper hair from his face. “There is something bothering you. What’s on your mind?”

Sarah gives a flick of her tail, looking over to the naga. “Things.”

“Tell me.” Jharn insists.

Sarah bites down in her index finger, thinking. “Well... um... i-imagine you were... trying to make a parent proud.” She tries to explain. “You do anything to make them proud of you, make them happy for you... show you love and attention. But then…...you wake up one day and realize... they’re never going to be proud of you. They’re never going to care about you. Because... because they never loved you in the first place.”

“The truth hurts. But sometimes... it is necessary.” The naga states.

“Yeah.” Sarah quietly agrees. “Why should I care if others get upset when I tell it?”

Jharn simply raises an eyebrow. Yeah, that was the emotionless, depressed side of her talking. “Is there something else on your mind?”

The werewolf shrugs. “Just... stuff...” She sighs. “I... I don’t know if-”

“Sarah.” The naga starts. “I am your creation. I am part of your thoughts.” He rests a finger against her forehead. “And I am part of your feelings.” He rests his finger on her chest, where her heart is. “I am everything you feel and think personified into a single being. I know everything you and gone through, and I can feel everything you feel.”

Sarah stares at him as he takes his hand away. The blonde pulls her hair over her shoulder, running her fingers through it. “I... I don’t know... I-I can’t...”

Jharn gives a small hum. “You are having trouble with voicing your thoughts and feelings.”

This earns a nod from the blonde.

“Okay.” The naga wraps his tail around the blonde, lifting her up. “How about, you sit right here...” He sets her down in his coils, his hands resting on her waist to make sure she stays put. “And you list all of fears, okay?”

The werewolf blinks. “My... fears...? That’s, uh...” She chuckles nervously. “That’s gonna be a long list...”

“Then, let’s start with something easy.” Jharn responds. “Like... wasps. You’re afraid of wasps.”

Sarah nods. “Yeah. Wasps are assholes.”

“You list the next ones.”

“Okay, um...” The blonde thinks for a moment. “Spiders kind of scare me. Only sometimes though, which is a bit weird. Snakes freak me out, but... only the big ones.”

“Good, good.”

“Uh... people scare me. But at the same time, I’m scared of being alone.”

“Okay.”

“U-um... I... I’m afraid of making mistakes... or, accidents...” Sarah starts to nervously play with her fingers, her ear lowering against her head. “I’m afraid of conflict. I... I’m scared of my father. A-and... I... I’m- I’m terrified... that... I might turn into him...”

“Mm.” Jharn gives a nod. “Now, would you say you love your father?”

The werewolf gives him a look. “Do fish breathe air? Heck no! I don’t love him at all!” She pauses a moment. “But... I can’t bring myself to hate him, either. If anything... I pity him.”

“And why is that?”

“Well... after everything’s said and done... he’s not gonna have anybody.” Sarah gently grabs her tail, running her fingers through the fur. “His family is leaving him since he’s abusive... and they won’t want anything to do with him once they’re gone. He won’t have anybody to care about him, or... or love him.”

“But you won’t stay with him, either.” The naga points out.

The werewolf shakes her head. “I can’t... not after everything he’s done. He’s caused so much damage... I... I-I’m not even sure... I could ever truly live a normal life anymore.”

Jharn purses his lips, crossing his arms as he thinks for a moment. “Klabiyō?”

Sarah blinks. She soon reaches her arms out to him, opening and closing her hands. It was her own way of asking for a hug. A bit childish, but cute none the less. “Klabiyō.”

Jharn pulls his coils closer, wrapping his arms around the werewolf, hugging her. The blonde wraps her arms around the naga, holding him.

It was obvious by the way she was clinging to him; this wasn’t something she got often. So, anytime she did, she was going savor it for as long as she could.

“Now, what brought these thoughts on?” Jharn asks, resting his chin on top of the werewolf’s head.

Sarah sighs. “Just... there’s an upcoming chapter in one of my stories... about the characters hallucinating their worst fear...”

Jharn hums in thought. “The living mushrooms that feed on fear?”

The werewolf nods. “Yeah. I guess... it got me thinking, and...”

The naga pulls back from her. “Sarah. You are never going to turn into your father. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you know better. You know how to feel love and empathy for others, something he could never do. So long as you know how to do that... you’ll never become the monster he is.”

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