#i call this series: columbo in space

[morkitten]

KAMEN RIDER MEGAPOST

I've been deep in the Kamen Rider hole after taking a blind chance on it about a year ago and it's been one of the most rewarding discoveries I've had, so I'm doing a megapost where I try to convey what's so interesting and unique about this series that you can literally just start anywhere. There's a Kamen Rider series for everyone, and I hope to convince you of it and point to where you can give it a try for yourself. Click on the read more to see more!

WHAT IS KAMEN RIDER?

Kamen Rider is a superhero that rides a motorcycle who's often bug-themed, but not always. The Kamen Rider franchise started in 1971 and, with the exception of a few periods of dry spells, keeps making new yearly series to this day. It's part of Japan's many, many decades old craft of special effects-focused TV shows and movies, called "Tokusatsu" (literally, "special filming"). It was conceived and spearheaded by Shotaro Ishinomori, an incredibly famous mangaka in Japan, responsible for not only Kamen Rider, but also Super Sentai, Cyborg 009, Zubat, Kikaider, and many other TV series and mangas. The amount of works he has produced in manga and TV is incredibly huge, and his works have been incredibly influential to Japanese culture as a whole. Kamen Rider can be argued that is his biggest, most important contribution.

A consistent theme in early Kamen Rider series is that he's a lonesome, grieving hero, in which his sadness fuels his righteous anger at the evils that he's fighting against. He's been transformed into a monster against his will, and now must fight against the very forces that created him. In every Kamen Rider series, the power that the protagonist wields is the same power that fuels the evil forces he fights against. In a way, you can see it as a metaphor for Kamen Rider's production itself: It must use the evil power of mass media to carry its anti-authoritarian messages that go against the very forces that even allow it to exist. It's the tale of every artist trying to create something earnest and culturally and artistically enriching in the cynical mass media space.

WHY WATCH KAMEN RIDER?

I was never really sold on Kamen Rider at first. I remember watching a bit of Kamen Rider Black when I was very young, so I was always nostalgically curious about it. But whenever I saw the newer Kamen Rider stuff pop up on Twitter or whatever, I had always dismissed it as "eh, whatever bug bit you I guess made you interested in that". Something about the super toyetic costume designs and super fake CG just never really inspired my attention, and it was easy to dismiss it as something for kids, something in that same place in my mind as "what shonenheads are into". I guess what I mean is that I saw newer Kamen Rider as "low art". It's easy to categorize it as such, people in silly suits selling toys, doing really silly comedy, with silly CG. I've seen Power Rangers before, it's just that. It has to be cynical!

I had never done such a big 180 before. Yes, Kamen Rider is "for the kids" (with some exceptions), yes it has a ton of silliness to it, but there's also a lot of good cinematography, fantastic stunts, and really great, serious drama. Kamen Rider is seen as a cultural institution in Japan for all those reasons. It's a way to keep a lot of theater traditions alive in a modern space, a way to have many young, extremely talented actors have a big break, a way to keep tokusatsu traditions and craft (analog special effects, stuntmen, martial arts actors) alive, employed, and continuously evolving, to create something that bridges the gap across all generations in Japan.

It's difficult to explain, but Kamen Rider has the important positive qualities of extremely good older television like Star Trek and Columbo. A TV show that doesn't want to aspire to be a hollywood movie like Netflix series cheaply try to do, but that sees the value of theater and theater skills in television.

Another thing to note is that because Kamen Rider is such a huge cultural institution, if you enjoy anime and japanese video games, there's so so much about what you love on your favorite anime and games that are directly inspired by Kamen Rider. Every japanese action game you've enjoyed? Ninja Gaiden, Shinobi, Devil May Cry, Viewtiful Joe, Hagane, Bayonetta, they -all- have an incredibly huge amount of Kamen Rider in them. Nearly everything Gainax, Hideaki Anno and Studio Trigger made. Pokémon, Digimon, Dragon Ball, One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh (especially on the superb monster designs), Taiyo Matsumoto, every japanese character that has ever stricken a dab. It's not just references, there are fundamental things about pretty much all of these games, mangas and animes I've listed that are directly attributed to Kamen Rider. So if you enjoy anything I've listed, you ought to give it a try.

OKAY, WHERE TO START?

One of the greatest things about Kamen Rider is that since every series is its own closed continuity (there are crossover movies but they largely don't matter), you can pretty much start anywhere you'd like. Of course, with this many ice cream flavors, one can't help but become paralyzed by the abundance of choice, even though, and I can't emphasize this enough, every Kamen Rider series I've watched so far have all been pretty good to fantastic. I'm sure there's a couple of stinkers I've avoided, but a hitrate like this feels miraculous, I don't understand how does Kamen Rider from so many different eras can keep such a consistent quality even when they can feel so different from one another and be spearheaded by such different creators. You can maybe look them all up and decide what theme you're most attracted by, or, I can maybe help you and tell you about the ones I've watched!

So, here's a list of the Kamen Riders I've watched, with short descriptions of each of them and what makes them appealing, and a mini-list of recommended episodes to sample, in case you're still not sure whether to jump in:

SHOWA ERA (1971 - 1994)

KAMEN RIDER (1971)

The original, and also the least I've watched so far, haven't even gotten to 10 episodes yet. It famously started with an incredibly small budget and it's magical to see what tricks the production employed in order to make it work and be exciting and fun while spending as little money as possible. The stunts are very dangerous but very cool to see. A long, very episode-by-episode affair, but if you get excited on cheap sets and cheap cinema tricks and special effects used very cleverly, this is going to light you up like a christmas tree. It also employs some thriller-inspired cinematography that is very exciting. The writing doesn't offer much substance, but it has this quality where it really believes in itself and in the ideals that Kamen Rider is supposed to represent that is very easy to feel wrapped up in. Might bore you if you're not already sold on the appeal of old tokusatsu.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 6: The Grim Reaper Chameleon! Episode 7: The Grim Reaper Chameleon Showdown: Old World's Fair

KAMEN RIDER AMAZON (1974)

It's basically just the 1971 Kamen Rider but the main character is Tarzan. It runs only half as long as other Kamen Rider series so if you wanna do a whole Showa-era KR series quickly, it's a very solid recommendation. It's very violent for a children's show, with Amazon often slicing and mauling his monster opponents in bloody messes, and it looks really sick. The suits and special effects are better than how the original Kamen Rider starts off, but it still has that appeal of being old and budgeted for a TV show, which in this case is a huge positive, imo. Also again, the writing isn't much to write about, so don't expect big narrative payoffs or anything like that, you really have to enjoy it on an episode-by-episode basis, which is fine, because the monsters and special effects are extremely cool, the characters are charismatic, and the little episodic plots are fun.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 4: Run! The Raging Jungler! Episode 11: The Golden Snail is the Grim Reaper's Envoy!? Episode 16: Garanda's Tokyo Sea of Flames Operation Episode 17: Mt.Fuji Big Explosion?! The Tokyo Fry Pan Operation

KAMEN RIDER BLACK (1987)

This was supposed to be a revival of Kamen Rider into public interest after being dormant for a while, so it also feels like a retelling of the first Kamen Rider in a sense, has a lot of common elements, but with slick 80s production and sensibilities all over. If you love how 80s action, sci-fi and thriller movies look like, you'll love the cinematography and production of Kamen Rider Black. It's edgier, sleeker, and even scarier, borrowing a lot of horror/thriller elements that were in vogue at the time, while still being a hopeful, heroic and uplifting presence for children. Has an overarching plot that develops over time but it's, again, really about enjoying it on an episode-by-episode basis, as the overarching plot develops veeeery slowly and in very small portions. I supremely love how this series looks, I love the special effects, I love the suits, and it has my favorite transformation sequence.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 1: Black!! Transformation Episode 2: Monster Party Episode 18: Sword Saint Bilgenia Episode 20: Rider's Grave Episode 23: Marumo's Magic Power Episode 24: College Girl's Nightmare

SHIN KAMEN RIDER PROLOGUE (1992) (MOVIE)

This doesn't have anything to do with the Anno movie, the Shin here is written differently. A movie that celebrates the series' 20th anniversary that tells its own story with its own Kamen Rider, so it feels like a "reboot" or "re-interpretation" of Kamen Rider. It's darker and scarier, with a Kamen Rider that looks much more like a monster than an armored hero, and leans more into the horror side of Kamen Rider, being more adult-focused. Very violent and very cool.

KAMEN RIDER ZO (1993) (MOVIE)

This was supposed to be a full-fledged Kamen Rider series but the 80s bubble popped and they decided to shift production into a short movie instead. Might be a good introduction point, since it's a short 1-hour watch, and has a ton of really great special effects. Everything that is great about Black's cinematography, propwork and special effects apply here, except since it's just one movie, they're really throwing everything they've got into it

HEISEI AND REIWA ERAS (2000-Present)

Kamen Rider went dormant in the 90s until it was revived back into its TV format by Kamen Rider Kuuga, which was a major success. Since then, there's been yearly new Kamen Rider series on Japanese television, non-stop.

The difference between the Kamen Rider of old (Showa era) and the Kamen Rider series past this revival (Heisei, Reiwa) is that newer Kamen Rider series, despite also being monster-of-the-week romps, tend to have a more complex overarching plot which they tend to lean more into, and less of dangerous stunts and practical effects. Episodes also tend to be two-parters, so maybe calling them monster-of-the-week is innacurate, it's more like monster-of-every-two-weeks. This shift is fine because their reliance on denser plots with a much larger supporting cast of characters, more than makes up for it. It feels less that they're stretching episodes into two-parters and more like they're filling these episodes with so much other stuff that making them 2-parters makes sense.

Also, to note, as modern Kamen Rider goes on, there's more reliance on CGI, but all the monsters (and Kamen Riders) are practical suits and there's still plenty of practical effects, so don't let the super artificial candy-colored videogamey CGI effects trick you into thinking that that's all there is to modern KR.

KAMEN RIDER KIVA (2008)

Kiva is the only "Heisei phase 1" series I've watched so far (early to late 2000s), and I absolutely love it, one of my favorite Kamen Riders. It's considered to be a bit of a black sheep of Heisei phase 1 Kamen Riders but I think fans severely overlook and misjudge Kiva. Kamen Rider Kiva is vampire-themed and is about this shut-in, extremely shy boy who, mysteriously, is also the heroic Kiva, that springs into action whenever Fangires (vampire monsters) are about to kill humans. However, it also takes place 20 years before, in the 1980s, where Fangires are also attacking, but there's no Kiva around to stop them. Instead, humans have created a secret vampire-hunting association and are developing their own technology to stop them. What's the connection between the characters from each time era? Mysteries...!! It has a large cast of characters and incredible soap opera drama and romance that'll keep you heavily invested in all of its twists and turns. It's a very narrative affair which makes it difficult to recommend episodes out of order since it can be confusing to catch things out of context. The fact that it takes place both in the 2000s and in the 80s means every episode has both an A-plot and a B-plot, which avoids the pitfall of some modern Kamen Riders of two-parters that don't have enough going on, because Kiva is absolutely overstuffed with great characters and narratives. The drama is great, the romance is great, the comedy is superb, and the fights are awesome too. I really can't recommend it enough.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 1: Fate: Wake Up! and Episode 2: Suite: Father and Son Violin (2-parter) Episode 17: Lesson: My Way and Episode 18: Quartet: Listen to Your Heart's Voice (2-parter) (I have trouble recommending more episodes out of order because this series is very narratively-involved!)

KAMEN RIDER W (2009)

W is a very well-received and loved series, and it's easy to see why. It's one of those things that if you watch it you immediately go "oh, if I watched this as a kid I would be so so into it". It has fun, charismatic characters that you want to see every week, simple to understand and easy to like. It's detective-themed and the Kamen Rider is actually comprised of a fusion of two people - Shotaro, who wants to be a tough, hard-boiled detective but is unintentionally kind of stupid and goofy and isn't seen very seriously by people around him, but has a heart of gold, and Phillip, who is an androgynous autistic introvert that basically has the entirety of Google inside his mind, and uses this to help find information to solve cases. Together they transform into Kamen Rider W (W as in "double", get it?), with each controlling a literal half of the suit (right and left), that they can switch properties of and create different combinations. They're great characters but who really steals the show is the comedy relief sidekick, Akiko. She's an immensely funny actress and character.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episodes 1 and 2: W Search Episodes 9 and 10: S Terror Episodes 23 and 24: L on the Lips Episodes 25 and 26: P's Game

KAMEN RIDER OOO (2010)

OOO is another extremely beloved Kamen Rider series, and the one I actually started with. Its themes are "desire" and "currency", and the evils and necessities of living in a world that depends on them. The main character is a lovable homeless hippie (Eiji) who's egged on by his extremely androgynous edgy greedy demon boyfriend (Ankh) to collect "medals", because said demons are greedy for them and require them for power. These medals also allow Eiji to transform into Kamen Rider OOO (pronounced "Os" or "Osu"), and different medals can be slot into his transformation belt to create different combinations. Other demons, that are not Eiji's demon babygirl, want to use humans' desires as piggy banks to generate more medals for their own greed, at the cost of these humans' lives. Eiji needs to stop them and collect all the medals before they do. Again, easy to enjoy, easy to see why it's beloved. Filled with a light-hearted fun energy that you can feel as soon as you watch the ska-inspired opening. There's a small stretch of it that feels a bit by-the-numbers, but the drama ramps up and pays off immensely well as it goes on. An extremely fujoshi Kamen Rider series.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 1: Medals, Underwear and a Mysterious Arm Episode 2: Desire, Popsicles and Presents (2-parter with Episode 1) Episode 13: A Siamese Cat, Stress and the Genius Surgeon Episode 14: Pride, Surgery, and a Secret (2-parter with Episode 13)

KAMEN RIDER FOURZE (2011)

Fourze is written by Kazuki Nakashima, the Studio Trigger writer responsible for stuff like Gurren Lagann, Kill la Kill and Brand New Animal, so that may be something that's either going to extremely excite you, or make you very wary of it. I personally feel he's not a very good writer, but that's okay, because the rest of the production is fantastic, and I still enjoyed Fourze a good amount! The main character is an extremely likeable and charismatic school delinquent that wants to befriend the entire school and creates his own Kamen Rider school club after being bestowed with the Kamen Rider Fourze technology thanks to, uh, a portal that sends him to a space base on the moon? So it's a half-and-half school theme and space theme Kamen Rider. The school club has a large cast of characters but the show doesn't really know what to do with them unless the episodes focus on a specific club member. Fourze really, really drags in the middle (this is when the problem of two-parters feeling stretched out when the writing isn't very strong hits hardest), but as it crescendos to its finale it gets -very- good again. This might be the weakest Kamen Rider out of the ones I've watched, imo, but still, I think there's quite a lot to enjoy here.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episodes 1 and 2 (Youthful Transformation and Space Superiority) (2-parter) Episodes 5 and 6 (Friendship, Inside and Outside and Electric Shock, Steadily) (2-parter) Episodes 13 and 14 (School Refusal and Stinger Onslaught) (2-parter)

KAMEN RIDER AMAZONS (2016) (WEB SERIES)

Wait, didn't I review this one before?! No, no, this is AMAZONS, plural! It doesn't actually have that much in common with the original Amazon, being very much its own thing, and what it borrows from Amazon is mostly just to help frame this series as a more adult, violent affair, since Amazon, despite it being very much for kids, was back then known as "the violent Kamen Rider". It's also an Amazon Prime-exclusive series, so they did it for Branding, too. A very dramatic, violent, adult Kamen Rider show that's spearheaded by my favorite Kamen Rider director, Hidenori Ishida. He's a supremely good director that brings his A-game to this series. It follows an extermination team that hunts terrifying man-eating monsters called Amazons. There's two Kamen Riders, Alpha and Omega, that are also Amazons but they largely fight against other Amazons. Alpha is set on killing every Amazon, while Omega has just awakened into an Amazon and a Kamen Rider himself, and has to decide what he wants to do and who and what to fight for. At least this is the premise of Season 1, Season 2 I will not spoil but it is the production going "oh, Amazon season 1 did well enough for us to do whatever we want, and we'll do exactly that". It's the most well-equipped artists in tokusatsu breaking off their shackles and doing a dramatic magnum opus. It's dark, edgy, but also earnest and sentimental. It's my absolute favorite Kamen Rider show. Also, the fact that the monsters are called "Amazons" is used for extremely pointed stabs at Amazon (company), which is hilarious.

This series is completely narratively-driven, so I can't recommend episodes out of order! Watch the whole thing!

KAMEN RIDER ZERO-ONE (2019)

Robot-themed! Zero-One takes place in a future where robots and humans live together, like Megaman or Astro Boy. It's about the struggle of humans and robots to live in harmony with one another, and it develops those themes and its world extremely well. The main character (Aruto) is very goofy and wants to be a manzai comedian but his lame puns always bomb. He is, however, also the heir of a massive company that builds all the robot people! Aruto is suddenly, unexpectedly, thrown into the company as its President after his grandfather dies. This responsibility is too much for him, but he decides to take on the mantle as he wants to bring a smile to people's faces, and that he legitimately cares about robots, as he was raised and saved by one as a kid. With this in mind, he takes on his grandfather's KAMEN RIDER ZERO-ONE technology and uses it to attempt to stop a terrorist robot faction (METSUBOUJINRAI.NET) that's bent on killing all humans, and corrupting other robots for that goal. All while also trying to advocate for a harmonious relationship between humans and robots. This is honestly fantastic, and may seem super goofy at first but gets very complex as it goes on. Very great balance of lighthearted comedy and serious drama, and another one of my absolute favorite Kamen Rider series, right up there with Kiva and Amazons.

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 1: I'm the President and a Kamen Rider Episode 2: Is AI an Enemy? Ally? Episode 5: His Passionate Manga Path Episode 6: I Want to Hear Your Voice (2-parter with episode 5)

KAMEN RIDER GEATS (2022)

Battle-royale themed Kamen Rider, with a lot of inspiration on korean dramas and reality shows. It definitely feels inspired by, say, Squid Game. Gods select people to compete in a Kamen Rider battle royale, and the winner of the final round gets to remake the world in whatever way they see fit. The production is a bit cheap after the last two KRs before Geats underperformed, and they had to scale the production down. The fact that the series tries to convey the excitement of extremely high stakes so often only for those stakes to completely deflate thanks to how the premise works, creates a situation where you don't know what to care because anything can get undone and completely changed so often anyway. Near the end the series gets particularly bad with this. Still, it has some good characters, some nice drama and some fun comedy, so it's not bad, but definitely on my lower tier of KRs alonside Fourze. Again: No KR I've watched was bad! So, even the ones that might sound that I'm down on them I still very much enjoyed.

(Too narratively-driven to recommend episodes out of order! Try the first couple of episodes!)

SHIN KAMEN RIDER (2023) (MOVIE)

Hideaki Anno's film! Hideaki Anno is a huge Kamen Rider fan and it really shows throughout the movie, with a lot of pulls from the Kamen Rider manga specifically, while also being nostalgic for a lot of the original Kamen Rider TV show from 71. Still, it ends up feeling less like "a Kamen Rider movie" and more like "an Anno movie" with a Kamen Rider-theming to it. It doesn't put its focus on the stunts and the fight choreography that you'd see in other Kamen Rider productions, but more on Anno's style of cinematography, his sense of timing, special effects and animation. It also retreads several of the themes and elements that he's drawn from before, a lot of Evangelion is in this. It's good, I like it!

KAMEN RIDER GOTCHARD (2023)

Currently ongoing! Very Y2K nostalgic, with a Kamen Rider suit that has that Y2K aqua color to it, and is themed around... Pokemon cards? There are these creatures called Chemys, that are contained inside alchemical cards that have been let loose and need to be captured again, or at least kept away from the villains. The main character is this super earnest, almost helplessly naively optimistic schoolboy called Ichinose that has been unexpectedly thrown into the secret world of alchemy and given the power to become Kamen Rider Gotchard, as a powerful benevolent alchemist dies in his arms. As a promise to him, he vows to find the Chemys. Ichinose also believes that they're extremely good-natured beings that are only corrupted by human malice, and really believes in the friendship of Chemys and humans, while other alchemists feel Ichinose's ideas of Chemys are too naive and soft-hearted. It's, uh, I don't know what to think of it, honestly! The first couple of episodes really did not sold me on it, but it gets better and better as it goes on, though, it's also, like, a lot of Big Important things keep happening in rapid-fire in a way that I can't tell whether the show has a higher plan for all of it or if it's just throwing things for easy hype. Nearly every episode there's a new Kamen Rider transformation, it's kind of insane. Still, this is preferrable than the stretches of not much happening that plague some other KR seasons. I've been enjoying it a good amount, honestly!

RECOMMENDED EPISODES TO SAMPLE: Episode 5: Burn! Fight! Wrestler G! Episode 7: Goodbye, Saboneedle

And those are all the Kamen Riders I've watched! Something else that can help you decide on which series to try out, is that the NHK made a public popularity poll of Kamen Rider series, with the results being found here! From here, you can tell which KRs are most beloved and well-remembered in Japan, and use that as a guidance for yourself, if you'd like. But again, I must emphasize, you can really start most anywhere, so feel free to do exactly that!

#kamen rider #kr #tokusatsu #gotchard #shin kamen rider

[nerdieforpedro]

Get a room you two and BONE

Part two of the Roc & Doc Series

Tim Rockford x plus size OFC (Doc)

Rating: Mature only because of some of the banter.

This blog is for readers 18+ MDNI

Word Count: about 2.7k

Summary: It’s been a month since “The Case of the Vanishing Pens” had been solved. Things have changed somewhat between Tim and Doc. Are they both okay? Turns out, friends can suck sometimes.

Warnings: bad TV references, teasing, theft, angst?, mention of murder and STD, friends being menaces, the trench coat, bad singing, a murder threat (affectionately)

Notes: Originally, part two was going to be 7k of words. 😅 That was way too long so we’ll have a part two and three. I am working toward something. We’ll all find out when I get there. I’m fond of trench coats now. 😎 A huge smooch to @lady-bess who beta read for me and had some hilarious commentary. 🤣

The top item from the “what should go missing next” poll is in here! The runner ups are in part three. 🤭

Dividers are by the ever lovely @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist / Tim Rockford Masterlist / Rock & Doc Series

You and the detective had dinner three times a week and tried to alternate who pays. Tim had you pay the first time but he insisted on paying the others. It’s been a month since “The Case of the Vanishing Pens.” You told Tim that his jokes were as old as Columbo. He was not amused. Tim told you that he’s a classic like Columbo, and you need to show respect. And honestly, he’s more like Kojak - able to find a parking space anywhere in LA. You choked on your shrimp fried rice while sitting in the passenger seat of his car, he patted your back to try and help the piece of shrimp go down, it eventually did. 

“You’re not bald Rockford. Are you starting to go bald? Is that why you think you’re like Kojak?”, you asked, "going to start rocking three piece suits with a briefcase?”. Tim’s face freezes and he squints his eyes. 

“I will kick you out of my car and leave you at this restaurant Doc. Don’t joke about a man’s hair.”

“You wouldn’t dare, Kojak would never. If you’re going to be mad about it, don’t compare yourself to a famous bald TV detective. Stick with Columbo Rockford.” The two of you grinned at each other. Since the pen incident, it’s become even easier to joke with Tim. You feel you’ve grown somewhat closer to him, but you still won’t ask him anything personal. He doesn’t ask you those types of questions either. It crosses an imaginary line you both have drawn for yourselves.

Tim had told you that you didn’t need to pay, he’d been teasing you for stealing his pens, though he still doesn’t fully buy it was just about a menu. You had also told him, “no, we’re both city employees getting shit pay. We gotta split it, Tim.” He laughed and reluctantly agreed. So the two of you started alternating tabs. Why would you offer to pay when you clearly have some unnamed grudge against him (in his mind anyway)? Is this a ‘keep your friends close and enemies closer’ sort of deal? 

The answer doesn’t come to him as he finishes the last of his egg roll, some duck sauce is on his chin in his beard. With a moist towelette you pull from the depths of your tote bag, you dab his chin and succeed in getting the sauce off and making Tim re-evaluate what your end goal is. It’s too soft of a touch as you could have pushed his face as part of your teasing but you didn’t. You’ve given him small hip bumps in the autopsy room or even in your office. Those don’t feel intimate like this, maybe it’s because it’s his car or the lack of space. It’s dangerously close to the line he’s drawn in the sand with you. It’s times like these that Tim is thankful you don’t notice him clearing his throat or keeping his cafe brown eyes on you as you slurp your noodles. He’s thinking too much again.

Rockford ensures that you get back to your small car you call ‘the blueberry.’ The car suits your personality. It feels loud, quirky but not over the top, much like its owner. He never leaves before watching you pull out of the parking lot and make the right turn at the light. It’s then that he begins his own drive home. He sometimes has an inkling to text if you got home alright but he’s never texted you outside of work. Except the two times he picked you up tacos… alright, maybe it was four times, but limited to food options. Why is it so weird? 

Rockford sighs at the orange streetlights ahead of the hood of his old Ford Crown Victoria. His mind is on you again, but it’s just because you spend a lot of time with each other and you look a hell of a lot better than any of his other partners. Well, you’re not his partner but it kinda feels like it when he talks out cases with you. Stevenson is a solid partner, but he’s wet behind the ears and still learning quite a bit. You, on the other hand, listen. Look at him with genuine interest with questions that tell him you were indeed hearing him. Tim is in his driveway wondering if you’ve already walked up the two flights of stairs to your apartment. He knows you like music but what else do you like?

“Shit.” Rockford gets out of his car and enters his home, dropping off his trench coat and shoes near the door. He stretches out on the couch and flips on the TV. There should be something to watch. An episode of Kojak is in progress with him parking perfectly, getting out of the car, bald head shining with a three piece suit and his briefcase. “What are the chances…?”

As promised, you brought him 4 boxes of pens over the months you’d been eating take out with him. He had nowhere to stick them and wondered if you were pranking him; you were not. You just felt bad about taking his pens for so long. You overdid it a bit, you explained and offered to hold some of them in your office. Tim declined and made room on the top of one of his file cabinets. Seeing something that you’d given him made him smile softly, before turning to face you, he cleared his throat and put his hands on those hips of his, saying he had work to do. You nodded and told him you’d see him around, you were sure there'd be more bodies to look at before long together. The detective sat at his desk and looked at the reports he needed to finish up, they suddenly seemed tedious. He’s wondering if he should have told you it would have been alright if you wanted to stay for a bit. Could have spoken to you while working on them to make the time go faster. Your absence is an issue for Tim. He’s got too many of those already.

Tim stopped by later in the evening to update you on what happened with the arsenic case. Turns out, the victim’s girlfriend had convinced him to become a pescatarian for better health. The girlfriend found out that the victim had two other lovers and had given them the clap (gonorrhea) in addition to her. The three happened to meet in the same clinic where they were getting tested. She had contacted those two after getting diagnosed as the name was different, but the physical description was the same as her boyfriend. It was then that the girlfriend started dosing his food to kill him. She told Tim and the other detectives that she wanted to watch him slowly die. She apparently laughed as they were taking her away in handcuffs. 

You are engrossed in the details. Tim tells you the entire thing from beginning to end, he adds in tidbits from his notes that wouldn’t be in any of your reports. Despite looking like he was tired of everyone’s bullshit ninety percent of the time, the detective was rather animated in explaining the case to you. He walked back and forth in your office and then placed his hands on the back of a chair while leaning in to go over how the dots were connected between the seemingly unrelated people. If the man wasn’t a detective, he should be a voice actor or teacher…you’re sure there’s a suitable profession you’re forgetting in between the options, whatever would warrant people listening to him for a while. 

Toward the end of Tim’s colorful retelling, Kim, one of the clerks and a friend of yours, stopped by the office. She was watching the two of you, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms. She would have made a joke about you getting yourself in Tim’s trench coat but knew you wouldn’t forgive her for saying it in front of the man that you swear you only have respect and adoration for. Kim had tried to get you to understand your feelings, to at least see that you may want to spend time outside of work with the famed detective. The time may include an actual date at some point.

You’d always told her that it was because he’s always been respectful toward you, and that he came by your office when he didn’t need to. Like today. Kim was sure you hadn’t asked for any follow up on the case, yet here Rockford is telling you about it and you’re giving him all his attention. It’s annoying to watch the two of you. Sure he might be older than you, but it’s less than ten years and she’s sure he doesn’t talk to his ex-wife at all. At one point the precinct did think they were going to get back together shortly after you’d become the new medical examiner five years ago but nothing ever came of it. Not that Kim kept that close on an eye on things for you.Thankfully, there’s only been rumors of maybe some women here and there. Detective Rockford is one who stays holster deep in murders and crime. Kim did have to agree with you on one thing, those holsters are a damn good look on the man. She understands why your eyes linger on him. Kim preferred her men to be on the skinny side so she could toss them around a bit - she can be a bit rough at times.

Waiting until Tim seemed finished with his story, Kim knocked on the open door so the two of you would hear her. 

“Hey Doc, Tim. What are you two crazy kids up to? Making some more dinner plans? Going to take it a step above take out and go to a place where there might be seats inside the restaurant?” The detective bit the side of his jaw which Kim was quick to notice and smirked. Like how does she not notice how bothered he is when anyone interrupts him speaking to her? Maybe Tim liked her stealing his pens? Hmm…that’s an idea.

Your face hardens at your friend’s joke and you start nervously pressing your hands together. At least it wasn’t the trenchcoat one she likes to make, thank goodness. Tim looked back at the door and stood up, shaking his head. 

“Hey Kim. Just knew Doc would want to hear how the case turned out. I’m going to head out Doc. I’m going to go make sure Stevenson isn’t still working on the homicide from last week. He makes fun of my chicken scratch, but he types slow as hell for someone fifteen years younger than me. Good night Doc, don’t steal anymore pens. I know she’ll be your accomplice.” Rockford nods, gives you a smile and once at the doorway, cuts his eyes at Kira before leaving. Your friend slides by Tim as he exits and plops down across from you and snickering. 

“Did the famed detective get a bit pissed at me because I came between him and his dear Doc? For shame and I guess I did know you were taking his pens. To be fair, I did tell you to stop several times.” She playfully tapped her own hand as if she was being reprimanded. You sat back in your chair and shook your head. She’s been teasing you about this for as long as you had stolen that man’s pens well after. Tim didn’t tease you as much anymore. Well, sometimes, but only when you got in the car and he asked to see your hands to make sure you didn’t remove anything from his glove box or console.

“Could you just drop it? Please…what did you come here for Kim?”. 

“I came to remind you that this weekend is our friend’s engagement party. And before you start,” Kim reached out and took hold of Doc’s hand, “you’ve RSVPed, we bought an outfit a few weeks ago just for this party theme and I could give this back to one such man in a trench coat after you go.” Kim’s free hand exposed a little black book that Tim often carried everywhere for his notes. Your eyes are wide, it’s bad enough about the pens but it’s a funny joke now. His book?! 

“Dammit Kim, you need to give it back now!” Kim is shocked at your growl and lets go of your hand, holding tighter to the book. 

“No. You give it to him and say it fell out of his pocket or something. He has fifty places in that trench coat I could have been. I honestly think he likes it when you take his stuff.” She stood up and so did you, were you really going to fight her over this man’s book? “The fact that you’re this upset, proves my point. You need to talk to him, stop just watching him, have him take you to a place where you order and eat inside and maybe go to your place or his and-”

“Don’t finish that sentence. Just give me the book and maybe he won’t push for me to resign or be in a different county or something for harassment.” Your hands are on your head, running through how badly this could go. No matter how nice Tim is, taking that book is almost as bad as taking his tie or holsters. It’s a part of him. Though it would be kinda cool if you held it for a minute. No…no. You can’t go into that rabbit hole. That is reserved for when you’re in your apartment in your PJs and are sipping on some hot chocolate with some cookies. 

“You just need to bone….be on the desk and bone…maybe he keeps the trench coat on while you bone…I know he’s wearing the holsters when you bone…maybe you pull the hair he still has while you bone…you grab his biceps while you bone…”. Kim is singing horribly off key and if you weren’t so frustrated and anxious you’d tell her to shut it. But you need a laugh to release the tension in your body so you do, doubled over on your desk. Kim drops the black book before you and kisses your forehead.

“You just need a push to talk to him and you're already a bit of a thief. Just slip his book in his car the next time you two eat and talk to him. It’s not like people in the department don’t date. That’s how the captain met his wife.” She pats your head. “They fought over a stapler, she threw it at him. He said she had an excellent throwing arm. Love was in the air.” Kim did a jazz hand flourish and you look up, rolling your eyes.

“I would rather not be violent with the man. And I will not…bone him. Gah, you made me say it.” You shake your head and sit back and sigh. “Just please don’t push it. Can I just stay in my safe little bubble, please? Daydream about the man, why can’t I do that? Why will you not let me do that?” 

Kim sat back down and crossed her arms, sucking her teeth, “Real talk right now Doc. It’s not your job title that keeps you from talking to Tim. It’s that you’re scared that he might actually reciprocate your feelings and you may have to be in a relationship with a grown man with baggage, can hold a conversation with you and will be able to hold it down in the bedroom.” Your hands cover your face. You’re not discussing this at work. No…but you are. “Stop acting like you haven’t thought about it.” Kim laughs at your discomfort and embarrassment, but pauses to sneak a peek at her phone. “I would drop more truth bombs at you but I have to go. Tony’s here to pick me up. I will see you tomorrow and this weekend. Maybe one day you’ll have your detective use his investigative skills under a dress like that.”

“Please go to Tony before I have to call and tell him you're on my slab.”

“You’re too busy trying to find a way into a trench coat to worry about murdering me. Take care getting home.”

“I will never tell you anything again. Good night.”

Part One

Part Three

Keen moots who may want the trench coat on with nothing else 🧥:

@alltheglitterandtheroar @sin-djarin @morallyinept @yorksgirl @bitchwitch1981 @heareball @megamindsecretlair @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @magpiepills @yorksgirl @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @avastrasposts @clawdee @pascalsanctuary @readingiskeepingmegoing @rhoorl @inept-the-magnificent @grogusmum @agentjackdaniels @pedroshotwifey @laurfilijames @frenchiereading

#pedro pascal characters #fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #tim rockford #tim rockford fanfiction #Tim Rockford x plus size OFC #Rock & Doc #trench coat #thieves #A Nerdie fic

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Number 12

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

SLEUTH-OF-THE-DAY’S QUOTE: “There’s an old saying: ‘Don’t change anything. Ever.’”

Number 12 is…Adrian Monk, from Monk.

“Monk” premiered in 2002, at a time when I often feel good old-fashioned detective shows were on their way out, at least in the United States. Classic series like “Murder, She Wrote” and “Columbo” were nearing the end of their respective runs, and more and more people were gravitating towards what might be termed crime drama rather than Whodunnit storylines and Sherlock-Holmes-esque antics. With that said, it’s remarkable that Monk lasted as long as it did. The show ran for seven full years of straight television airtime, and was even briefly revitalized for a TV movie spin-off just last year: proof that the show’s legacy has not faded away, even after it ended nearly 15 years prior. Considering the final episode of the series broke the world record for the most viewings in cable television history at the time (a record which has, I should clarify, since been surpassed), it’s clear the series struck a chord with audiences.

I think a big part of the reason why comes from the title character: Adrian Monk himself. Monk is one of the funniest and most interesting detective characters in television history, in my opinion. He was a very different kind of sleuth, some would argue, compared to many popular detectives of the past. The humor of Monk, you see, is different from that of characters like the aforementioned Columbo or Sherlock Holmes. In those cases, these were characters who, for better or worse, everyone knew could get the job done. If they did have a silly side, it was usually either a façade to hide their inner steel, or it came from their own passions creating chaos for those around them. Monk is slightly in the latter category, but in a different way. Monk, you see…is a man who lives in fear of his own shadow. And I don’t think I mean that entirely figuratively. Sometime before the start of the series, you see, he lost his wife in a mysterious car bombing incident. The event caused an already mentally fragile Adrian to have a complete nervous breakdown, and he still hasn’t quite come out of it. As a result, Adrian Monk has become a man who is paranoid about just about everything around him. He’s a hypochondriac, has severe OCD, and his mind contains more phobias than you can really list in any concise way. Some are rational, but many are completely unfounded. He’s scared of snakes, needles, heights, enclosed spaces…even MILK he looks at with a sense of dread. Milk, I say! And that’s just to name a few!

The humor of Monk, as a result, comes from watching this man battle his own constant fear of the UNIVERSE, as he panics his way through every situation, fretting and fussing and cowering even as he scopes out scenes and picks out clues. It’s not surprising that his enemies underestimate him or that others around him get annoyed, because he’s not just pretending to be a buffoon: he’s legitimately just a constant wreck! However, through all the goofiness this setup presents – and there is a LOT of goofiness to be found – Monk is NOT an idiot. All of his overwhelming fears and nervous habits come from a very sad and fundamentally broken place, and there are times, throughout the series, where Monk shows not only a tragic vulnerability, but also a sort of inner fire and strength. When the situation calls for it, Adrian can be brought out of his shell, and shows there’s a lot more to him than just a whimpering clown. I think this is the crux of what makes the character so much fun to watch: we know he isn’t faking all this lunacy, but we also know that, at the end of the day, Monk will make the right choice, and will find some way of bringing the criminals involved in any case to justice. Many actors were considered for the role of Monk, a lot of them really big names. Some include Alfred Molina, Stanley Tucci, and the late John Ritter. In the end, the role went to Tony Shalhoub, who was sort of an actor-on-the-rise at the time. It was Monk that made Shalhoub recognized nationwide, however, and is the role he is likely best known for to this day. It’s not hard to see way: Shalhoub handles every scene absolutely perfectly, making Adrian just as sympathetic and heroic as he is absolutely ridiculous. The result is one of the most wonderfully comedic, but still competent and fascinating, characters in detective fiction, in my opinion. From battles with Tim Curry to solving the case of his late wife’s murder to trying to figure out if he’s scared of blankets or not (yes, really), Adrian Monk may not be the bravest of super sleuths…but he's certainly one of the greatest.

Tomorrow, the countdown continues with Number 11!

CLUE: “It really is very dangerous to believe people. I never have for years.”

#list #countdown #best #favorites #top 31 fictional detectives #gathering of the greatest gumshoes #number 12 #monk #adrian monk #tv #television #mystery #murder mystery #tony shalhoub

[billiewena]

for the 100k fic celebration, here a portion of the “what if 10x05 had a sastiel agenda?” AKA lil shit sam/jealous dean destiel fic I first shared a while back! been having a lot of fun basically rewriting and expanding on the entire musical episode with new songs (and lots of cute kristen & siobhan moments because OF COURSE they’re still a couple.) it was really encouraging to see the positive response to it back then and it's been taking forever because of work/other writing but I’m so excited to have this one be the first full-length fics I ever post.

It starts with costumed teenagers locked in a tight embrace with absolutely no room for Jesus.

“What are they doing?”

Marie glances over her shoulder for only a brief second.

“Kids these days call it hugging,” she says slowly. Geez, it would’ve been less insulting for her to just outright say Wow, you’re old.

Except it’s not just any of the show’s stars hugging over there. One of them is the “Dean” who’d been mid-rehearsal when they arrived and looked more like Bieber than him with the blonde wig. And the other? Well, he would recognize that Columbo coat anywhere.

“Is that in the show?” he asks, pointing their way.

Marie quickly shakes her head at the accusation. “Oh, no. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in a real life.”

He nods and lower his hand. Got it. That’s all it was. Everything’s fine. Nothing to worry about—

“No, my play explores the nature of Sastiel.”

“The — wait, what?” he says, confused at once.

“Sastiel?” Marie pauses, giving him a second to figure it out. He doesn’t. “You know, the relationship between Sam and Castiel?”

Dean blinks.

“Sam and…C-Cas?”

“I know, I know. Edlund’s series never finished. I’m lucky I got these drafts. Ugh, it’s Midnight Sun all over again. But the love story is all in the subtext,” she says with confidence. “Can you believe there are people who still think Destiel is endgame? After everything that happened after the angels fell? After Gadreel? Please.”

He silently sounds out the word. Des-tiel? Wait…

“Ever since Cas came back from the dead and took on Sam’s pain, I knew. I just knew. Every one of their arcs had been parallel to each other’s from their fall from grace to the trials. And now with Dean gone, all they have…is each other.”

Marie sighs. “Besides, you can’t spell subtext without S-E-X.”

He coughs and nearly chokes on an asteroid-sized lump in his throat.

“I…uh. Yeah, th-that’s not…you know, I think I’ve seen enough,” Dean says with a forced smile. “Thank you for your, ah, time. I’ll, uh, we’ll follow up if we have questions about the missing persons case. I—alright.”

And with that he purses his lips, turns on his heel and walks away — nearly tripping over one of the stage chords as he does. Why are there are so many of them anyways? This is just some all-girls school production, not the goddamn West End.

He finds Sam in his natural nerd habitat (the tech booth) sifting through all the bins of A/V supplies.

“Yeah, not to interrupt the blast from the past here but it’s time for us to go,” he says, patting the door.

His brother shoots him an annoyed look but packs up and follows him out all the same. Not that Dean bothers to wait for him; no, he makes a beeline for the car as soon as he leaves the booth.

“Hey, what’s with the rush?” Sam calls after him as he runs to catch up with him at the school entrance.

“No rush,” he says shortly. “Just wanted to see what you found out before you got too lost in the nerd sauce over there.”

He doesn’t need to look back to know he’s on the receiving end of a Classic Sam Bitchface right now and continues to stomp his way through the parking lot.

“Well, no EMF, no hex bags. None of their props are remotely hinky. Talked to Maeve and all those extras in the auditorium.” Sam finally catches up and walks side-by-side with him now. “You have any more luck?”

“Nah. Ms. Chandler's office is just a pile of empty bottles and regret. She's probably just face down in a bar somewhere. Or a ditch. I did get to hear all about the director’s, ah, creative vision though,” Dean says, teeth gritted. “Apparently we go into space, I become a woman, and there’s even ninjas and robots!”

“Robots. Huh. Well, that’d definitely be a new one.”

“There’s no robots in Supernatural—”

“I-I know that,” Sam says in exasperation. “I just mean it’s, y’know, innovative. And Dean we’ve fought weirder. Remember the teddy bear? The fairies? The ballet shoes?”

“Well, you just wait until you hear about what she in store for you, Lover Boy,” he says.

And that makes Sam do an instant double-take.

“Uh, Lover Boy?”

“Yeah, your number one fan back there —” he says, gesturing back towards the school, “— was telling me all about the play’s, uh, love story between you and Cas. You got something you’ve been meaning to tell me or what?”

“The love story? Wait, what do you mean me and Cas?”

Dean scoffs, already in utter disbelief of the words he was about to say. “Like you and Cas, together. Together together? Romance of the ages the way she made it sound. Apparently it’s all in her play!”

To his surprise though, Sam just… laughs. “Well, I mean hey, that’s an improvement from the ones who wrote about me and you.”

“You got that right,” he agrees with a shudder. Meeting one Becky the Stalker was bad enough. Knowing she wasn’t alone and that she had an audience made it even worse. “She even had a portmanteau for you, dude. Like you’re some celebrities in a grocery store tabloid. Sass-tiel.”

“Sass-tiel?” He seems to seriously consider it but shrugs. “I don’t know. What about… Samstiel? CasSam? Cam? Mmm, maybe not that…”

Dean groans. “Really? That’s your issue with this?”

“Of course it’s not my issue,” Sam says. He stays pensive for a few more seconds until chuckling again to himself this time, as if he’s the only one in on a private joke. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Cas is great but…”

“Not your type?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam says. No, it’s definitely more than that and he’s doing a piss-poor job of hiding his amused expression.

Dean turns and stares him down. “What?”

“I dunno,” he says, his smirk fully visible now. “I just think it’s funny they’re pairing me up with Cas when the one with the ‘profound bond’ with him is right there.”

“Oh, haha. You’re hilarious,” Dean retorts at once.

“Hey man, I’m not the one who stayed in Purgatory for a year to find him.”

His glare takes on a murderous edge.

“Okay. You know what? You’re going to do that thing where you just shut the hell up! Forever!”

Sam holds up his hands in either what’s either a show of innocence or surrender.

“Alright, alright. Well, other than the Charlie Kaufman of it all I got nothing.”

“So…what?” Dean says. “This-this all... This whole musical thing, everything, it's... it's all a coincidence? There is no case?”

“Unless you're seeing something I'm not, no, Dean. There's no case here,” he says sincerely this time.

“Come on. This has classic Trickster vibes all over it.” He almost wants to turn around and start yelling, Come on out Gabriel you bastard!

“Trickster’s dead, man. And he wasn’t just a trickster, he was an archangel. And they’re all gone too.”

“Could be a lower-rank angel?” Dean tries. “I mean, Zachariah pulled off an entire apocalypse world. And that place where we were both corporate drones. Before you know it, this’ll get all Buffy and it’ll be me and you singin’ and dancin’—“

“Dean…I think it’s just fans. Look, as long as they’re not putting another love spell on one of us I couldn’t really care less what they’re doing,” Sam says with some bitterness, clearly not looking back at that particular memory with any fondness. “Just writing some songs? I mean, it’s innocent enough.”

“Oh yeah, so innocent,” he scoffs. “They’re singing about our dead parents, your demon blood bender, the apocalypse, all of it! This is just…it’s make-believe for them! But it’s our lives!”

Sam runs a tired hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t get it either man. I wasn’t exactly thinking about the books’ entertainment value while Chuck was describing my sex life in vivid detail—“

“Don’t remind me,” he says, holding up a hand in disgust.  

“—but I dunno. There’s obviously something about it they connected to, right? Something they related to, something that moved them, inspired them? And I guess…I mean, what’s wrong with that?”

There is so, so much wrong with that.

“I don’t know what story they’re reading and what Sam and Dean they’re ‘connecting’ to here. But it sure as hell ain’t us. I mean…they even made me blonde, dude.”

“It’s a high school play, what can you expect?” Sam laughs. “It was probably the closest wig they could find at Party City.”

Dean ignores him, muttering aloud as he makes his way to the driver’s seat.

“The hair…the singing…the robots… the love story…”

“You really were bothered by that, weren’t you?” Sam gives his brother a curious look.

“SUPERNATURAL ISN’T A ROMANCE!” Dean snaps. “Look, these girls obviously don’t know what they’re talking about—“

“I dunno, Dean,” Sam said in a clearly taunting voice now. “Maybe you’re just jealous of what me and Cas have.”

He flushes. “W-what? I-I’m not—“

“We could give you two a name too, y’know? So you don’t feel left out? What about…Dee-stiel? CasDean?”

And he refuses to entertain this conversation any longer.

“Shut your face! Get in the car!”

Thankfully Sam notices the shift in tone and obliges at once.

Dean, meanwhile, takes a moment outside the car to glance around — almost as if checking to see if anyone overheard that comment. Not that it mattered. Who could overhear? No one even knew they were THE Sam and THE Dean. Who cared? He certainly didn’t care. He didn’t care at all...

(to be continued)

#if you were one of the people who offered to beta read back in march know I WILL be reaching out to because I need it lol #destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #fanfic #spn 10x05 #also this is a given but if you did want to be tagged when this is posted hmu! #been having so much fun with this especially with writing the new songs #also tbh the musical itself is the closet I will get to writing a sam & cas fic so that's been fun too lol #ESPECIALLY because then I can immediately add dean's reaction to it which is typically 'time to walk straight off the stage' #it's also fun to write a s10 fic since I'm a 'dean's been in love since s8 at least' truther #anyways new to this and my untreated adhd means I make a gazillion typos/take forever to work on things/get distracted by new ideas but #literally every positive comment on that first post is the reason why I'm still workin' at it

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Much Beloved Dickinson

PART ELEVEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: plentiful pop culture references 

Word Count: 2.7K

Summary: Ella comes to a realization.

Caught up in the music, Ella ran her hands through his hair. She felt his palms on her waist, firm but not too much. Not hungry. Sweet. He was sweeter than she thought he would be, a rain which refreshed instead of dampened. But then, the song switched. Ella felt reality coming back to her, unable to be shamelessly ignorant, indulging in her senses. Putting a hand on his chest, she pulled away from him. His hands still ghosted over her hips, not yet ready to let go. They breathed heavily, both flushed. Jess began to smirk, and Ella almost followed him, but then her face fell and she turned away.

“Oh, fuck,” she muttered to herself, clutching her necklace.

Jess furrowed his brows and reached out to touch her, not quite far enough. “Elle, I-”

“No, Jess. You have a girlfriend,” she spoke slowly, turning back to him. Her expression was guarded, unreadable. “And I just kissed you and you kissed me back. And you have a girlfriend and now we’re the kind of people who-”

“Wait, hold on, I can call Shane right now and-”

“Just like you’ll call me when the next girl comes along?” she interjected, crossing her arms over her chest.

Taking a step back, Jess couldn’t help but feel slightly wounded at the accusation. “There won’t be a next girl.”

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed, making to leave.

Jess barely had time to process what was going on before she was making her way down the stairs. But then, he started after her, calling her name.

“Can we just sit down and talk about this?”

“Nothing to talk about,” she shot back in a clipped tone, rushing down. Luke stood at the counter refilling stray coffee cups, and she didn’t cast him more than a second of a glance before going to grab her bag. “Luke, I don’t feel well. I gotta go.”

“What? Ella, wait-” Luke said, confusion etched on his features, but she had already disappeared down the street, out of the view of the diner’s window.

Bounding after her, Jess nearly made it out the door before Luke caught him by the shoulder.

“Get off me,” Jess growled, but Luke held firm.

“What happened up there?” Luke demanded, turning his nephew to look him in the eye.

Jess scoffed, finally shaking Luke off. “Nothing.”

“Oh, yeah? Where’s Ella goin’?”

“I don’t know, Columbo. Why don’t you go ask her?” Jess shot back, brow heavy and eyes dark.

Before Luke could continue with the interrogation, Jess slipped past him, the bell over the door ringing cheerily. Luke stood there for a moment, fuming, and didn’t bother to go after Jess to tell him he’d started in the opposite direction of Ella.

.   .   .

Thoughts racing, Ella sat against her bedroom wall, sketchbook in hand. Over the record player speakers, Jeff Buckley crooned. The summer evening had brought with it heavy thunderclouds. Air hot with lightning, Ella knew the rains would start soon. The dim light of the lamp on her nightstand gave her room a cozy glow, tinged pink from the paint on the walls. She wished she had watercolors. Back in the art room of Stars Hollow High, a series of her morbid drawings painted over with dull watercolor hung on a cork board. Unless, of course, Mrs. Shaw had taken them down over the summer. At least with the new school year, she could add some new pieces to her collection.

Even after a phone call with Rory, and another with Lane, she couldn’t shake the sick feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t identify its origin. Dread for school? Regret over Jess? Excitement over Jess? Guilt. That one she knew was present. Shane wasn’t exactly her best friend, but she certainly never planned to make out with her boyfriend as revenge. No matter how many Interpol songs he played her.

But it was the way he’d been looking at her, soft and clean. Unlike any look she’d seen him give anyone else. Of course, she’d had butterflies when he’d looked at her before. She’d never felt anything more, though. She figured it was a crush: a blushy, embarrassing phase which would eventually pass. Nothing to ruin a solid friendship over.

But as the song played, the one which reminded him of her, he shot her that brown-eyed look. With his smart mouth and his rough attitude and his hidden kindness. She knew it wasn’t a crush. It was more, something swelling in her heart like she couldn’t describe. Radiating from her soul and circulating throughout her being. And she’d seen no other choice but to kiss him. In a way, she felt so silly. Had she missed it all this time? Swapped books and spare t-shirts and care packages and borrowed beds. Jess.

She bit her lip, her pencil poised over her empty page. Nothing would flow, nothing would come. Everything was too jumbled inside her head. For a moment, she was tempted to just scribble mindlessly, but decided against it. Why waste a page on someone who didn’t really want her? She knew he didn’t. He couldn’t.

A sudden flash from childhood came to her. Her mother and father. The touches, the whispers, the small gifts which meant more than their price. Her parents had seemed the model couple, a love story which was meant to last forever, and be told as an inspiration to gullible children. But it didn’t last. Love didn’t last. Love didn’t exist. The feeling in Ella’s stomach, the look in Jess’s eyes, it was all a lie. People said they loved each other, but in the end, it was all a fleeting feeling.

With the murmurs of the new couple, Fiona and her father, coming through the neighboring walls, even over the music, she shook her head. Did they have love? She doubted it. Despite the modest rock on Fiona’s left hand. Jewels. It was flashy, sparkly, but it was just a stand-in for something substantive which didn’t exist. A stupid tradition masking a lie, like the basket sale with a much higher price tag.

Sighing heavily, she shut the book, tossing the pencil in the direction of her desk and missing. Huffing out a breath, she laid back against the king mattress, all squeaking springs, with dips on either side from where her parents had slept for so many years. Fiona had requested a new bed upon moving in. Ella had debated not taking it, but at the time the mattress had still smelled like her mother. It was too painful to let it go. The comforter was cool against her flustered skin. Ansty nerves rushed through her, buzzing. She wanted to forget it, to go about her business. Take an extra shift at the diner or go for a walk around town. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop replaying the moment over and over.

Employing a new strategy, she grabbed a book from the pile next to one of her crate nightstands. A reluctant smile crossed her face as she saw the cover. Final Harvest, the first Emily Dickinson collection she’d shared with Jess. And she tried to stare at the text, the beauty of the simple words. Instead she got caught up in the pencil marks covering nearly every page, every blank space. Between the blocks of messy cursive she recognized as her own, she ran her eyes over Jess’s countless comments, in his surprisingly neat, if spiky, scrawl.

You told me she wrote about flowers, not death. I feel criminally duped, Stevens.

Do you believe in ghosts? I bet you don’t buy that shit. I don’t either.

Shakespeare wrote so much about the sun, just like her. I don’t think the moon gets enough credit. You seem like a moon person too. (That’s code for vampire)

Scratch that, I changed my mind. You’re not a sun person or a moon person. You’re a star person. Definitely.

Okay, that line was pretty beautiful. You win this time, Eleanor. (The battle, not the war. I bet that Kerouac I just gave you will finally make you see the error of your tastes.)

Swallowing dryly, she bit back a smile. At his words, at his writing, at the thought of him. And, before she could think better of it, she flipped to the final page, to a note she’d run her fingers over more than once. And, after all the months she’d known him, she felt like she was really reading it for the first time.

Alright, I read your much beloved Dickinson.

I have to admit, she wasn’t half bad. You happy? I hope you are. But, rest assured, this isn’t over. I will convince you how good Hemingway is, no matter how close-minded about him you are. Yes, he was a drunk. But Dickinson was an invalid. It cancels out. No question. No quarter.

And there are so many more beats awaiting you. Some many fights we’re going to have. Can’t wait, right? Put on your dancing shoes, Stevens. The best is yet to come.

Turning her head, she gazed over the stack of books. Countless spines, tattered and new, broken and intact, all filled with notes. To the words, to the author, to each other. Mostly to each other. How could she not have seen it before? She thought he was her friend, maybe even her best friend. The one she saw every day, even in the absence of Rory or Lane. Who cheered her up on Mother’s Day, on her birthday, brought her a care package when she had a headache. But it had always been more. The feeling had always been there, underneath their layers of mock anger and annoyance, silly arguments and endless talks.

The knot in her stomach tightened even more, and she sat up straight in her bed. Lightning flashed outside, the sky an angry shade of grayish purple. A bruise. She didn’t know what she felt, she didn’t know much. But, suddenly, all the other thoughts went from her mind. And her desire was so singular all she could do was tug on her shoes, rushing out the door. It didn’t have to be decided. She already knew. She didn’t have to have it all figured out, but she knew there was no use in ignorance. Sitting in her room, letting the doubt close in on her. It was fruitless. Maybe once, the world wouldn’t bite.

.   .   .

Electricity filled the air, smelling of the storm to come, and it pressed down on the people of Stars Hollow. Few milled about on the streets, though most were hunkered down in their homes. A Saturday spent indoors, though not altogether wasted. She made it to the diner in no time, the soles of her converse smacking on the sidewalk as she bounded over and up the steps. The bell overtop the front door jingled, and a few customers peppered the tables, halfway through their dinners. Luke had his palms pressed against the counter, leaning over to talk to Lorelai as she sat at one of the stools. Ella made for the two of them immediately.

“Where’s Jess?”

Luke’s happy expression dropped and he sighed tiredly. “I don’t know. He stormed out right after you.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella nodded. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” Luke said flatly.

Ella wanted to roll her eyes, but knew the sass was warranted. She had walked out in the middle of a shift, after all.

“What happened with Jess?” Lorelai chimed in, sipping on her nightly coffee.

Blowing out a small breath, Ella debated her next words carefully. “Remember when you told me not to fall for him? The torches and pitchforks conversation?”

Lorelai nodded, face darkening. If there was one thing she knew, it was teenage girls. “It comes to mind, yes.”

“Well, it’s too late. And it’s about to rain, a real killer for torches. Just a waste of money, at this point,” she explained dryly

Then, she had spun away, whisking out of the diner and leaving the two of them speechless in her wake. Urgency made her heart pound, though she knew it wasn’t dire. She could talk to him tomorrow. Maybe at the diner, maybe in the apartment, maybe in school on Monday. But, for whatever reason, she felt she might never get it out if she wanted a moment too long. She had to see him, to end the suspense, to rip off the bandaid which was nearly a year in the making.

First, she checked the gazebo. Empty. As was the bus stop where he often sat reading, waiting to leave for a shift at Shangri-la. But then it seemed so clear. The bridge. Of course. She raced over, biting at her polished nails. Lo and behold, he sat with a worn book in his hand. His legs dangled over the edge, boots nearly skimming the water. The hazy, cloudy evening darkened his form, and a wave of nerves washed over her when she saw him. Her heart was in her throat, but she pushed forward, one foot in front of the other.

“Jess.”

He looked up from his book as she approached him, tentative footfalls on the old wood. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she replied, and watched him stand slowly, rigidly.

He stuffed the novel in his back pocket and had his mouth set in a thin line, arms crossed. Clearing his throat, he watched her shift her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably, gathering the courage to speak. It was odd, seeing her in such a state. On a normal day, she was nothing if not blunt.

Taking a deep breath, she matched his gaze. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean any of it about the next girl and everything. I don’t know where that came from. I just...panicked.”

“I’ll say.”

“Right. And I didn’t mean to. But...Shane’s not my favorite person in the world, but she doesn’t deserve it.”

Jess nodded solemnly. “Guess not.”

Another deep breath, and she continued. “Did you…?”

“I broke up with her, yeah. Despite the vehement protests,” Jess said. He ran a hand over his mouth, and reminded himself not to get his hopes up. Not after so long keeping them down.

“Okay. Well…” she trailed off, struggling for words. But, eventually, it came to her. The truth, the words spilling from her mind directly to her mouth. “Look, Jess, most of the time, I don’t see the point in dating. I don’t see people who actually care about each other. I see people who are kidding themselves.”

“I know,” he said, a sigh in his words. She could see his shoulders slouch slightly, and he bowed his head a little in defeat, preparing for the words he thought would come next.

“But that’s most of the time.”

Jess looked up again.

“Not since...not since you got here. Not when I’m with you.”

A small smile began to grow on his lips and his eyebrows shot up. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she answered, ringing her hands in front of her anxiously as she spoke.

Nodding again, he took a few steps forward, until she was close enough to touch, but he kept his arms over his chest. “Okay.”

“Well, don’t overshare, chatty Kathy,” she quipped at his shortness. The smirk lasted only a second on her face before the serious expression she’d been holding returned. “But if we’re gonna do this, I wanna do it. No cop-outs. I want to try. Really try.” Then, after a pause: “What about you?”

The dimple in Jess’s cheek shone as his smile widened. He uncrossed his arms and shrugged as though he were cavalier. “Eleanor, you’re the only person I wanna talk to. You’re the only person I like. You’re the person I wanna try with.”

Finally, a matching smile bloomed on her face and she let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. “You promise?”

“Promise.”

“Well, I’m glad we sorted that out.”

“Me too.”

A momentary pause ensued between them. Joy surged in Jess’s heart, but he suddenly felt nervous, even awkward. Cheeks warming, he wanted to reach out to her. But he couldn’t find it within himself. It didn’t seem real. She didn’t seem real. He almost felt like he needed a moment to regroup. But, then, Ella shifted and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. Thunder sounded overheard, rolling over town.

“You wanna go somewhere?” she asked.

“Anywhere,” he replied, a smirk on his face, hand relaxing in her grip.

“Well,” she said, leading the way back to town and giving his hand a squeeze, “that narrows it down.”

#jess mariano imagines #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano one shots #jess mariano one shot #jess #mariano #jess mariano fanfiction #gilmore girls fanfiction #fanfiction #gilmore girls #jess mariano x oc #jess mariano x original character #luke danes #lorelai gilmore #original character #original character stories

[jlf23tumble]

i meant other pairings and not 1d i’m kinda bored of them at the moment lol sorry if this is annoying

efinitely NOT annoying! I tend to jump in and out of pairings based on authors, so my recs tend to be a bit all over the place yet narrowly focused on those authors, especially because I tend to jump in and out of pairings as I’m re-inspired/re-watch or as my fave authors write about them. Here are some recent faves (last six months or so), so I hope that helps! 

1. Forever in my heart is Napollya (Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin, Man from UNCLE). I read both TV and movie versions, and yes, they have the same characters, but they differ quite a bit??? I tend to prefer the movie, tbh, plus it gave me the gift of wonderful friendship in the form of @alienfuckeronmain and @newleafover, so I vote starting with their fics, which are here and here. I have tons of other faves I can rec if you want a wider variety, but here are my top five. 

2. When the first Star Wars sequel or whatever we call it came out, pretty much all my fave TMFU authors drifted straight into the Finnpoe (Stormpilot??) pairing, and I followed right along with them because SO MUCH GREAT FIC. Here’s a list I did for someone a while back, but it doesn’t include one of my newer faves, one that packs so many fic tropes into one piece it’s breathtaking. (Sadly, I find it harder to find newer fic in this pairing that has the same level as four or so years ago--way too much Rylo Ken for me, even MENTIONED).

3. The Witcher has at least three amazing pairings, depending on who you’re asking and whether they’re referring to the show, books, or videogames. Phoenix has written some amazing Geralt/Jaskier, of which this is one. Kim rec’d me some great Geralt/Emhyr, but I think I love this amazing space au the best? That said, there’s an AMAZING cross-fandom author who’s written a bunch of Witcher fic that I’m slowly picking through (I wanna say Terran might have recs for Yen/Geralt, but that’s a wild guess I haven’t followed up on and probably will once I read the books).

4. Speaking of Star Wars, old school Han/Luke is a solid, can’t-miss fic staple. Phoenix has tons of canon, but Blake did a kick-ass punk AU recently, if you want something similar but not exactly in that U (they also did Lando/Luke, which is SO GOOD). Yes, yes, there are other authors apart from these two, but their fics truly do stick, so they’d be where I’d you if you liked other stuff they’ve written.

5. Lightning McQueen/Doc Hudson, and before you scoff, READ THIS. Phoenix pretty much built this pairing, any of her fics for it are amazing, but this one? This is a movie starring Paul Newman and a young Brad Pitt (or some other Hollywood himbo), and it will break your heart while it wins every indie award out there. (Before you ask, yes, they’re humans, zero cars are fucking other cars--what i see on twitter is why I want to make that crystal clear, lmao)

6. I don’t go here yet, but I’m ready to fling myself into the sun that is the Untamed in a few months when I finally work my way through the series (then back over the first few eps to see what I missed and work out all my name issues). No recs yet, BUT YEAH, I feel the pull, definitely rec the show!

I’ll stop here because it starts getting hyperspecific in a way that I’m not sure is actually helpful, but basically, if you like a piece of media, and you feel vague feelings for a pairing, there’s fic for it. I’m being pulled into Columbo of all things because of a blog I follow, and I’ll definitely rewatch and read up. I doubt there’s a ton of stuff out there for that one, but sometimes there’s a LOT of fic for your random pairing, and that’s where the fun starts! Think of all the hockey fic waiting out there, ay yi yi--at any rate, hope this intrigues you, at least!

(p.s. one last suggestion: you don’t need to know ANYTHING about the Hobbit, god knows I don’t, and I edit it, but I cannot stress highly enough how good this one is, modern AU)

#fic rec #so much fic is out there and these are just more recent ones on ao3 #i read random ones on tumblr #i know a lot of people who read a lot of other stuff too if you need even more

[buzzdixonwriter]

A Long But Not Pointless Ramble In Which We Discuss Sci-Fi Flicks

We’re gonna ramble around a bunch of connected topics, so pour yourself a cuppa and enjoy the ride.

. . .

I’m a big fan of 1950s sci-fi B-movies.

Years ago, when I was chatting with the late film historian Bill Warren on this, he made a pertinent observation:  1950s sci-fi B-movies tend to be more fondly remembered than most better mounted and more professionally executed sci-fi films that came afterwards.

There’s a couple of three reasons for this:

The shock of the new -- most of those films pioneered a brand new genre and style, looking far different from previous genre offerings such as Flash Gordon or Things To Come.  As such, they score branding points by being first, even if later examples are better made.

They possess a certain naïve charm -- by and large they’re not sophisticated nor exceptionally well thought out (though when they do demonstrate flashes of intellect, it’s always a delight).  One feels these films are being made up on the fly (and in a certain sense, they were; see (1) above) and in an odd manner they prove more innocent and thus more fun than those that came later.

Most of them were cheap -- this combines with points (1) & (2) to force most 1950s sci-fi B-movies to focus tightly on one idea / one image to sell the film.  As a result there’s a startling clarity of vision in even the most flimsy of productions that’s lacking in later, more elaborate movies.  The weaker examples of this genre are those films trying to cover more ground than their cheaper cousins.

. . .

Two cases in point:  Jack Arnold’s Tarantula for Universal is a technically better made movie than Bert I. Gordon’s The Spider for AIP, but Tarantula loses focus, dawdling about on character development and sub-plots instead of concentrating on the big ass spider.

The Spider is far weaker in the script / performances / production value departments, but who gives a %#@& ? -- it’s got a big ass spider tearing up the countryside for most of the picture.

Not to put down Arnold and his effects crew’s efforts; they ingeniously figured out a way to not only get their tarantula to realistically crawl over uneven landscapes but actually cast a shadow as it did so, heightening the realism.

Gordon, conversely, simple shot his spider in front of still photos; the shots look as crude as they sound.

But The Spider delivers what Tarantula only teases:  An attack by said big ass spider on a population center.  Tarantula famously ends with an uncredited Clint Eastwood napalming the monster in the desert on the outskirts of town; The Spider actually goes rampaging through its town, and features one of the most iconic shots of any sci-fi movie:  As the big ass spider bears down on her, a terrified woman slams her car door shut on her skirt and in her panic tries to tug it loose instead of simply opening the door again.

George Lucas crowds the screen with thousands of furiously dogfighting CGI starships and that lacks the gut punching impact of that one simple terrifying shot. 

. . .

An even more pertinent example can be found in the oeuvre of Irving Block and Jack Rabin (I know, you’re going “Who?”  Patience, young jedi; all will be explained below).

Block and Rabin (along with Louis DeWitt, their silent 3rd partner) ran a small special effects house in Hollywood in the late 1940s-50s with an interesting strategy for drumming up business.

They’d devise an interesting yet inexpensive (i.e., clever but cheap) special effects technique, build a story around it, then pitch that story to low budget movie producers with the proviso their firm would be hired to do the special effects for the final film.

This resulted in a number of low budget sci-fi films built around the kernel of an interesting visual, and while they night not have been great examples of the cinematic art, hey certainly created a number of memorable scenes and images from little more than scotch tape and rubber bands.

Unknown World was their take on Jules Verne’s Journey To The Center Of The Earth (no dinosaurs but then again, no Pat Boone, so they came out ahead on that one); Atomic Submarine pitted the US Navy against a UFO; Kronos featured a wholly unique alien invader; and War Of The Satellites staged an epic space opera on a bargain basement budget.

All noteworthy 1950s sci-fi B-movies, but ironically it was the film where their strategy failed -- or rather, only proved 50% successful -- that stands out.

Figuring out how to make footprints appear as if by magic, Block and Rabin devised a story about a spaceship landing on a planet of invisible monsters (as they pointed out, the great thing about invisible monsters is that even the cheapest production can afford millions of ‘em).

Their agent sent the pitch around to all the usual suspects at that time in the low budget indie film universe but, learning another studio not know for low budget sci-fi wanted to hop on the band wagon, sent it there as well.

That studio bought the idea, thanked Block and Rabin for their input, but said they’d let their own B-movie unit team handle the special effects,

And that’s how MGM made Forbidden Planet.

. . .

Today Forbidden Planet is a much beloved classic of the genre, but when released it proved a bit of a disappointment.

Oh, it made money (then and now, studios refuse to fund a production unless they already know in advance they will recoup their expenses and make a profit in advance of actual production) but it didn’t do anywhere near the business they hoped.

Part of this was timing -- it came out after dozens of lesser / cheaper films crowded the market -- but part of it is paradox:  It’s just too damn good.

No bones about it, Forbidden Planet was a B-movie for MGM.

In terms of overall quality, however, any MGM B-movie is bound to look like an A-picture from any other studio, and that’s exactly what happened here:  A literate, dynamite script; solid performances; top notch production values; bursting at the seams with ideas and incidents and details.

Sci-fi fans loved it, mainstream audiences not so much.

What sci-fi fans perceived as a groundbreaking classic, mainstream audiences viewed as:  Flying saucer something something something robot blah blah blah invisible monster.

What audiences today remember when they think of Forbidden Planet is the single most iconic element of the film.

Robby the robot.

He’s what sticks.  Robby made a big enough impression to star in his own follow up feature a few years later (The Invisible Boy) as well as guest star appearances on The Twilight Zone, Lost In Space, Columbo, and scores of other movies / TV shows / personal appearances.

Pick an iconic element. Stick with it.

. . .

The trick to doing memorable sci-fi movies is keeping the key visual elements down to as few sharply defined items as possible.

Star Wars (i.e., the unnumbered original release) is even more crowded in detail than Forbidden Planet but it holds its iconic visual elements down to a crucial handful:  Masked villain in black.  Laurel & Hardy robots.  Friendly yeti.  Glow swords.  Big bad artificial planet.

Every other visual element serves those, and while they provide detail and texture, they aren’t distractions.

Seriously, jettison the plot of the original Star Wars and reconfigure it from the ground up with those elements and it still winds up pretty much the same film, just set on different worlds.

This is why later films in the series, despite bigger and bigger revenues, lack the memorable freshness and emotional clarity of the original (getting cluttered up with superfluous characters and vehicles inserted just to sell toys doesn’t help, and I post this as one of the original writers for the G.I. Joe and Transformers series).

To reiterate: If you want to make an impression, less is more.

. . .

We’re going to amble on over to a parallel path and talk about ultra-low budget / no budget / homemade / hand-crafted / DIY film making, particularly in the sci-fi arena.

I watch a fair amount of lo-to-no budget sci-fi on Amazon Prime and YouTube.  Many of these are done for pure love of the genre and the film making process, and from that POV of producers and participants just wanting to have fun, they’re modestly enjoyable.

From the POV of actual good film making and sci-fi…not so much.  (There are exceptions and we’ll get to one of those; patience, young jedi…)

The overwhelming bulk of these films -- features and shorts -- are pretty derivative.

I don’t mean “unoriginal” the way 80-90% of professionally produced media is unoriginal, I mean “derivative” as in trying specifically to re-create something someone else did first…

...and better.

And this is in addition to the plethora of Star Trek / Star Wars / Dr. Who / superhero fan films out there; those are a separate though related phenomenon.

Rather, it’s the unmpeenth Alien ripoff / the 400th E.T. variant / the latest Mad Max clone / the most current example of last decade’s biggest hits.

They’re generally not that good taken on their own, no matter how much fun the makers are having.

For me the nadir of such films are those done by film makers imitating bad movies by deliberately making a bad movie.

Don’t do that, folks. 

Please. 

Don’t squander time and talent doing substandard work.

I’m not saying don’t make the kind of film (or draw the kind of art, or write the kind of story) you want to make; I’m just saying don’t deliberately make a piss-poor job of it.

Block and Rabin may never have made a truly good movie but not because they weren’t trying!

Cheap films?  Yes. Exploitable films?  Yes.

But films meant to be as good as they could make them.

There’s an MST3K notorious bad 1950s sci-fi movie called Teenagers From Outer Space.  Tom Graef, its writer / producer / director / editor / co-star was a former film student wanting to break into the big time so he made this cheesy movie to the utmost of his ability.

And lordie, it ain’t good…

…but by gawd, he was trying.

The folks who make deliberately bad pastiches of substandard B-movies were always a sore point for Bill Warren.

“The original film makers weren’t trying to make a bad movie!” he’d rave.

So please, don’t do deliberately shoddy work and try to explain it away by calling it a “parody”.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a parody, and everybody in it is aiming for the centerfield fence, turning in A-level performances.

I know it’s fun making models and cobbling together costumes and props and sets from junk, and recruiting friends and family to have fun making a movie, and if your audience is just going to be those friends and family, fine.

But if you want to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience, have some respect for them…and your own abilities as a film maker.

. . .

All of which brings us in a roundabout fashion to The Vast Of Night, a recent ultra-low budget sci-fi film that asks the non-musical question “What would a Twilight Zone mash-up of X-Files and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind look like?”

“Pretty impressive,” is the answer.

Let’s start with the Achilles’ heel of most lo-to-no budget DIY productions:  The cast.

The Vast Of Night enjoys impeccable casting, a;; the way down to the most minor roles.

I can’t stress enough how important this is for small productions.

Actors give you more bounce for your buck than anything else on your budget.  Good actors can make mediocre material bearable, they can bring good material to full blown life.

In The Vast Of Night’s case, the two leads -- Jake Horowitz as Everett, an all night DJ in a tiny late 1950s New Mexico town, and Sierra McCormick as Fay Crocker, the local substitute late night phone operator -- play off each other with delightful on screen chemistry.

No kidding, I’d watch these two characters go grocery shopping for an hour and a half, that’s how well Horowitz and McCormick play off each other.

Next, the story.  Obviously story and screenplay come before casting, but in the final analysis an okay story is far better served by a good cast than a good story by an okay cast.

Screenwriters James Montague and Craig W. Sanger do a good job with their script for The Vast Of Night.  As noted, it’s far from original but is fleshed out with enough distinctive elements to let the cast find plenty to work with.

For aspiring film makers, the script is typically the least expensive part of the process, and if you don’t like your draft you can always chuck it out and start afresh,

Finally, it’s okay to look inexpensive but don’t look cheap.

You can get away with a stark cinema verité style if that’s what the material calls for but you need to keep a consistent style and tone throughout.

A lot of DIY films do themselves a grave disservice by spending a lot of time / energy / money on a prop / costume / special effect that calls undo attention to itself by being so much better than everything surrounding it.

Director Andrew Patterson keeps things stylish while clamping a lid on its budget; this good pre-production planning pays off with a consistency of style and tone that helps keep the audience engaged, their disbelief suspended.

The Vast Of Night is what I refer to as a “minimum basic movie” i.e., the lowest bar you should shoot for with your own film making.

It’s far from a deathless classic, but it’s a fun ride.

And speaking of fun rides…this ramble is o-v-e-r.

  © Buzz Dixon

#sci-fi #film making #The Vast Of Night #Robby the Robot #Irving Block #Jack Rabin #Jack Arnold #Bert I Gordon #Tarantula movie #Earth Vs The Spider movie #B-movies #Kronos #Unknown World #Atomic Submarine #War Of The Satellites #Star Wars #Close Encounters Of The Third Kind #X-Files #Teenagers From Outer Space #Tom Graef #Jake Horowitz #Sierra McCormick #James Montague #Craig W. Sanger #Andrew Patterson #Twilight Zone #The Rocky Horror Picture Show #The Spider #parody

[rose-of-pollux]

Ok, so, I said I should make a masterlist of Robert Vaughn roles and whether or not each character survived, so here it is, under the cut--presented in chronological order of release/airdate, here are the roles that @ksturf​ and/or I have seen (will be updated as we see more).

(Obviously, spoilers...)

Hamlet (Hamlet) -- death by poisoned blade

Pharaonic solider (Ten Commandments) -- death by Red Sea re-merge

Idol Worshipper (Ten Commandments) -- death by the wrath of God (yup, two bit parts in this move, and they both got killed off...)

Mr. Beekman (Father Knows Best) -- survives

Bob Ford (Hell’s Crossroads) -- survives

Buddy Root (No Time to Be Young) -- survives

Billy Jack (Zane Gray Theater) -- death by gunshot

Johnny Adler (Zane Gray Theater) -- survives

Kid (Gunsmoke) -- death by gunshot (after literally twenty seconds onscreen)

Andy Bowers (Gunsmoke) -- survives

Frank Elliot (Panic!) -- survives

Symbol Maker’s Son (Teenage Caveman) -- survives

Hank Barlow (Mike Hammer) -- survives

Dr. Dixon (Whirlybirds) -- survives

Don Bigelow (Unwed Mother) -- survives

Marshal Dan Willard (The Rifleman) -- death by gunshot

Eddie Campbell (Good Day for a Hanging) -- death by gunshot

Miguel Roverto (Zorro) -- survives

Lloyd Stover (Bronco) -- survives

Stan Gray (Frontier Doctor) -- survives

Chester Gwynn (The Young Philadelphians) -- survives

George Jones (State Trooper) -- death by execution

Roger Mowbray (Riverboat) -- survives

Art (Alfred Hitchcock Presents) -- death by gunshot

Theodore Roosevelt (Law of the Plainsman) -- survives in the episode, but as he’s playing a historical figure who eventually dies, idk what to count this one as...

Asa Bannister (The Rebel) -- survives

Perry Holcomb (Men into Space) -- survives (just barely)

Lee (The Magnificent Seven) -- death by gunshot I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS; YOU CAN’T MAKE ME 😭

Sandy Kayle (Laramie) -- death by gunshot/rock slide combo (I think; it’s been a while since I seen this one)

Dr. Guy Collins (The June Allyson Show) -- survives

Roy Pelham (Wagon Train) -- survives

Roger Bigelow (Wagon Train) -- survives

Dr. Frank Cordell (Thriller) -- death by falling

Billy the Kid (Tales of Wells Fargo) -- survives

Luke Martin (Bonanza) -- survives, but his fate isn’t so good as he’s pretty much promised death by hanging

Earl Rogers (G. E. True) -- survives

Simon Clain (The Virginian) -- I’m 99% sure he survived (it’s been a while)

Jim Darling (The Dick Van Dyke Show) -- survives

Capt. Raymond Rambridge (The Lieutenant) -- survives

Napoleon Solo (The Man from U.N.C.L.E.) -- survives (after 10,000 close calls, but still!!!)

Bill Fenner (The Venetian Affair) -- survives

Walter Chalmers (Bullitt) -- survives

Antonio (If it’s Tuesday, it Must be Belgium) -- survives

Paul Krueger (The Bridge at Remagen) -- death by execution

Casca (Julius Caesar) -- not entirely sure, but seeing as though he is last mentioned by an angry mob out to get him and is never seen after that, I’m going to guess death by angry mob

Ray Whitely (The Statue) -- survives (but his dignity does not)

Neilson (Clay Pigeon) -- death by gunshot

Jerry Hunter (The Woman Hunter) -- death by gunshot or a fall (forget which...)

Harry Rule (The Protectors) -- survives

Parker (The Towering Inferno) -- death by fall

Charles Clay (Columbo) -- death by blunt force trauma

Hayden Danziger (Columbo) -- survives

Proteus IV (Demon Seed) -- survives... in a manner of speaking (he’s a sentient computer who uploads his sentience to a human body as he’s being shut down, so technically, he lives)

Col Rogers (Brass Target) -- death by gunshot (I think?  It’s been a while)

Sebastian Rolande (Hawaii 5-O) -- survives

Hud (Cuba Crossing) -- death by gunshot

Harrison Crawford (City in Fear) -- survives

Barkley (Virus) -- death by genetically modified flu virus (saw that coming a mile and a half away...)

Gelt (Battle Beyond the Stars) -- death by intergalactic battle

David (S.O.B.) -- survives

FDR (FDR: That Man in the White House) -- survives, but, again, he’s playing a historical figure who suffers death by polio...

Ross Webster (Superman III) -- survives

Ed Ryland (Black Moon Rising) -- death by car

Stanley Auerbach (Prince of Bel Air) -- survives (not to be confused with a popular 90s sitcom of a similar name)

Hunt Stockwell (A Team) -- survives

Ray Melton (Nightstick) -- survives

Jerome Huxley (Ray Bradbury Theatre) -- death by strangulation

Schneider (Skeleton Coast) -- death by gunshot

Byron Orlock (Transylvania Twist) -- undead/temporarily dead

Gary Julian (Buried Alive) -- alive but presumed dead

Gideon Armstrong (Murder She Wrote) -- alive

Edwin Chancellor (Murder She Wrote) -- alive

Charles Winthrop (Murder She Wrote) -- alive

Col. Gavron (Tatort) -- death by explosion

Dennis Forbes (Dancing in the Dark) -- alive

The Devil (Witch Academy) -- immortal

Dr. Stewart Rizor (Walker, Texas Ranger) -- death by gunshot

Bill Stratton (Diagnosis Murder) -- death by gunshot

Alexander Drake (Diagnosis Murder) -- death by gunshot

Prof. Michaels (An American Affair) -- alive

Ron Fairfax (The Sender) -- death by gunshot

James Sheffield (The Nanny) -- death by old age (I think?  I didn’t watch the ep where he died so if someone can fill me in on how James died, that’d be helpful)

Carl Anderton (Law & Order) -- survives

Tate Speer (Law & Order SVU) -- survives

Walter Briggs (Law & Order SVU) -- death by old age/illness

Baxter Cain (Baseketball) -- survives (but, again, his dignity does not)

Mr. White (Recess) -- survives

Vince Deal (The Sentinel) -- survives

Judge Travis (The Magnificent Seven Series) -- alive

Benny Palladino (Hoodlum & Son) -- survives

Albert Stroller (Hustle) -- alive but presumed dead/faked his death

Jacob (Excuse Me for Living) -- alive

Silver-Haired Man (The American Side) -- alive

Carmine (Gold Star) -- alive, but outlook not so good 😢

#random #don't mind me

[arcticmonkeysaf]

Translation of Alex Turner’s interview in ICON magazine 

Alex Turner, leader of Arctic Monkeys, the biggest rock band of the 21st century, and perhaps its last hope

"What the hell is this?"

We've just arrived at the location of our interview with Alex Turner, leader of Arctic Monkeys, who is absolutely awestruck. It's the first floor of the Bethnal Green Town Hall Hotel in London, an ancient Edwardian building with touches of art deco, converted, of course, into a hotel. In a room of the first floor, a photoshoot has just taken place.

"Well, I don't know, I think the people are getting married," says the press agent, attempting to explain some of the excitement it's provoked in Alex being in the space, without getting too carried away: we still have a job to do. Alex begins to run through the hall, the site of council meetings of the Bethnal Green since 1910, when the building was constructed. Nearly all civic government buildings in Spain are smaller, and certainly not as lovely as this place.

The writer of Fake Tales of San Francisco has already seated himself in the chair we suspect belongs to the mayor.

"What do you want? A fine or a wedding?" he jokes.

The press agent leaves, but the leader of the band formed in the era when teenagers no longer wanted to form rock bands can't keep still. He runs between the benches until he's standing in the spot meant for the speaker.

"A hundred pounds! Look here's £100!" He procures two rosy £50 notes. I suggest to him that we should keep them. He laughs. I decide not to insist. I say instead we should start the interview, after all we are here to talk about Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino, the sixth album by the band, not to get married or chat. He stops laughing. It's a shame that Alex Turner becomes such a timid person, careful and cautious, when the tape recorder starts. Before he assumes the role of frontman of the group that launched AM four years ago and made it the best selling vinyl record of the 21st century, he permits himself one last question.

"Would you get married here?" We look around - myself still thinking about those £100 - while we get cozy in two benches in the last row. I answer no, that's it's all very interesting, but not at all romantic.

"I agree. Motion denied," he decides.

Rising to fame in the middle of the last decade, Arctic Monkeys have become a phenomenon thanks to a handful of songs a friend converted into mp3 - they say that they, despite being part of the digital age, had problems even turning on a computer - which soon began to spread on the Internet. It was the raucous, intelligent, and British response to The Strokes. Seeing them on the stage in those early days, before the premiere of their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not, which would see the light of day in 2006 and would become the fastest selling debut album ever in Britain within in its first week of release, was a tremendously peculiar experience. Four kids at 3 a.m. making a spectacular noise in the Sala Razzmatazz in Barcelona, but who could barely reach the bar counter to order a drink.

More than a decade has passed and they've recorded four albums more. A brilliant sequel (Favourite Worst Nightmare), another risky, rapturous and rocking (Humbug, recorded en the California desert with Josh Homme), a delicate and underrated return to pop (Suck It and See) and a million-dollar beast, a sex-soundtrack record called AM. And then, they stopped.

"When we stopped touring in 2014, nearly everyone in the band was about to get married, or having kids, or another kid. The end of those concerts was much like the end of another chapter. We were all 28 or 29 and it felt like everything was about to change. During this neverending tour I thought that record would be with me forever. It was the longest tour we had ever done. Now I think we extended it because we knew that when it ended it would be the end of something bigger than just a series of concerts. I expected everything to change, well, I felt that even though the numbers said the opposite, in the end we had less than we started with," remembers Turner, about the final days we would see the band together in public.

Now all living in the U.S., each of the band members went on his own path. Alex returned to The Last Shadow Puppets, a band loved by Arctic Monkeys devotees. There Turner splits responsibilities with his friend Miles Kane, a guy with impeccable taste but with terrible ideas. In 2016 the pair played the mainstage at Primavera Sound, where they were the headliners. That performance was grotesque. The image of Turner, who looked like a mix between an actor in Rebeldes and a finalist in an Elvis impersonators competition, had only a semblance of Arctic Monkeys of AM. In that context he made a bit of a joke of himself. Compared to the boy who, as an adolescent, was rejected by a second-hand clothing shop in Sheffield because he was too shy, it had gotten out of hand.

"That was..." His words are halting, he speaks very slowly, he leaves sentences unfinished and even stops a joke short if he finds the punchline isn't as funny as he'd thought. "I think what I wanted to say with that image and that attitude have been said. It's over."

Now Turner sports long hair and a beard which has been the object of controversy among his fans, who even launched a Change.org campaign for him to shave it.

"There's a lot of scrutiny around our next step, I know. We've always tried to be discreet with what we do, where and with whom. It's normal, but I don't think we do it on purpose. In this age, it's hard to keep secrets. With this record we tried and even just getting to the studio, the sound engineer goes and posts a picture of us. Everyone is so crazy these days, they act like they're Columbo. 'I saw this, I spotted that guy...'" explains Turner when asked how it's possible that a band as big as his, who will be the headliners at Primavera Sound and at MadCool, has managed to make sure that, even with only a month left until the record's launch, no one knows absolutely anything about it.

"I don't know if not getting involved in social media is something we do on purpose to protect the band, but it helps," says Turner, introducing the topic of being offline. "Maybe it's not in our DNA to expose ourselves. I've put so much into the music that I don't know what more I can do with that. I can't open a Twitter account because I think everything's there, in the songs. I'd make a fool of myself if I started tweeting. See, social media doesn't bother me, truthfully, but when you become the version of yourself you've created in the virtual world there's something there that allows people to do their worst against you. And you can also do your worst against them. The consequences of that I can't even imagine, but I don't want them."

We've had to listen to Tranquility Base in a version that downloads and is scheduled for automatic deletion the next week. The band have asked us not to ask anything personal, days after an encounter Alex had with a journalist from The Times. There is no single before the release, but there is a new logo for the band's image. The only photograph of Turner is the one taken by a guard in an airport days before this meeting and which has reactivated the fierce debate with respect to the Sheffielder's beard. It's a record release like the ones before, but Turner hardly seems like a global superstar. I tell him that one time I interviewed Beyoncé and they sat me at one end of a massive table and told me that I shouldn't even think about touching her, and that, on another occasion interviewing Chris Cornell, I had to go into a hotel room that was completely dark and had to confirm that the voice answering my questions was actually the grunge singer's.

"Would you like some water?" Turner interrupts, and, before I can respond, fills my glass.

During the hours after our meeting, the first new photo of the band is made public (they look as though they're dressed for a wedding in December of 1972 in Iceland) and they publish the details and tracklisting of their latest record, which was recorded in Paris, London, and Los Angeles, where the band members now reside. But what most strikes me is the first line. "I just wanted to be one of The Strokes, now look at the mess you've made me make," sings Turner on “Star Treatment”, a gem of a song that marks the tone of an album destined to confound all those who expected something bombastic, expansive, and hormonal. The LP has songs with titles as fabulous as The Ultracheese, Batphone, or The World's First Ever Monster Truck Front Flip. Imagine Richard Hawley going on tour with comedian Andy Kaufman and performing only in Sheraton hotels located in state capitals, or Scott Walker in the pub, singing after a Sheffield United match. It's deliciously decadent and promises to polarize the opinions of millions of their fans. Is [Turner] nervous? And, more importantly, is he confident?

"Let's see, I think I remember feeling a bit like that with this last record. I wasn't sure if it was the right album. Are we going down the wrong path? It always happens. When I showed the first songs to my manager, to the people from the record label and my colleagues, a lot of the reactions were 'It's very unique.' I thought it was unique, but not that much. I doubted whether it was the right record for the Monkeys. So, Jamie came to my house and stayed with me for two weeks while we recorded. His enthusiasm for the songs confirmed to me that it was the right choice. If this is what comes out of me, that's what it is. I think we can do what we want to do, it's our band. So there's no reason to worry about whether it's a hit or not," he says about a record that, from time to time, evokes loneliness.

"Yes, a little bit," concedes Turner. "There's always been something in me that has made me isolated in life. But until now, I don't know why, I've avoided touching upon that on a creative level. The words passed through a very long process of refinement. It's been complicated getting here. For example, that first line about The Strokes. I fought hard against it, I wanted it but I didn't want it. I thought, "Hell, I'll leave it, because I know I'll change it because it's impossible that I'll end up saying this nonsense." And it got to a point that I thought, "If I feel like this, why not say it? I should be honest."

#alex turner #arctic monkeys #tbhc #tbh&c #tbhc spoilers #i know it's been traslated but have another #lmao #i nearly threw my computer against a wall while typing this up so #mine

[cyrelia-j]

A Tale of Two Parmaks (or the big write up on my crazy versions)

In thinking of multiverse and character stuff, I thought this would be a good opportunity to familiarize everyone with the two big versions of Parmak that I write. He isn’t super fleshed out in the books, but I think that there’s still somewhat of a consensus on defining character traits both physical and mental/intellectual/emotional that make up the heart of him. I know that in both my primary iterations of him there are some characteristics which diverge sharply from what most people imagine he’d look like/think like/act like. There are a few short things I’ve written where I think he remains “canon” Parmak but those are definitely the minority.

So, without further ado, may I present:

C132 Parmak and C147 Parmak

(Yeah, I totally ripped off Rick and Morty for this)

The idea for those not familiar with the show is that there are various multiverses where alternate versions of the world/characters exist. It’s a pretty common theme in sci fi but I took the universe designation format from that show. Just as a reference, in the show it’s generally accepted that the “Primary Universe” characters are C137 so I definitely will not be using that number :)

C132 Parmak: This Parmak appears in my serious and dark/dramatic stories. I’m working on an ambitious series of backstories for his life in this universe. Right now these start with “If” and are going to continue through [upcoming as of 5/24/18] “The Downward Spiral” and others. Parmak in these stories is intersex- having characteristics of both sexes. In this universe I had envisioned Cardassia as having a detailed spectrum of sexes (Known as the Ba’zan Spectrum) which range from what we would approximate from Cis Male at one end to Cis Female on the other. I won’t get too detailed with that in this post but as a note, Parmak is “X210” which means that his primary body characteristics skew slightly female in appearance (ie the hip to shoulder ratio, slightly more feminine ridges, a bit of a softer voice etc) but as far as biological sex are closer to the center of the two.

The reason that this characteristic and matter of his sex gets such detail is because it’s a critical part of this Parmak’s identity. What I mean is this: I wrote this character to reflect a bit of myself. In the Cardassian records systems and medical systems etc he’s not considered male, he’s defined by this designation. But he considers himself male and refuses to be defined by the sum of his biology. As a trans male I wanted this part of him to be reflective of my own feelings and experience. (Yeah I know, confusing avatar- think of the Cyrelia J pseud like Conchita Wurst) This Parmak has spent his life with different expectations and prejudices being pushed on him because he refuses to call himself anything other than male. He’s rejected from his petition to study medicine before he gains a sponsor, he’s slandered and objectified by people he encounters, and he encounters a lot of pressure to conform. In spite of that he refuses to be anyone other than who he knows himself to be.

This Parmak is from Nokar. He was a physically “abnormal” child in that he is an albino (in the Cardassian sense), he has poor eyesight, and has kyphosis (a spine curvature which can be very minor to a pronounced hump- my cousin was born with this so that’s where the concept had originated from. Scoliosis, that thing they test for in schools is a spine curvature on the other axis). He’s terrified of his own reflection and has no desire to know what he looks like. He’s actually very attractive. His main drive and passion in life is medicine. When he was a teenager there was a plague of a mutated Yarim Fei which struck his village and everyone but him died. He spent months burying those who died while simultaneously trying to cure them with his own limited medical knowledge. He realized later he wasn’t infected because of his mutated genes. This really shaped his life because when he was able to devote himself to medicine he worked tirelessly for a vaccine on that and other diseases.

His passion and unique talent is in pharmacology and chemistry. This gets a bit “too perfect/sue-ish” but I like it so it’s not likely to change here. He���s like a magician/alchemist when it comes to his ability to mix up serums and drug compounds. It’s a highly coveted almost genius ability and one that Tain wants like oxygen. This Parmak was involved sexually with both Tain and Garak. He’s afraid of Garak’s eyes because of Tain’s induced illusion ability. He was soft spoken but fearless and was taught by his foster father Vakem Parmak that the Doctor’s role is to survive at all costs, be unbreakable, and so he was raised from his late teenage years to his mid 40s to withstand poisons and torture of an extreme form. It had only ended when Vakem Parmak died. Shortly after that he was recruited by Enabran Tain (albeit not exactly willingly). It made him arrogant in his abilities until Garak broke him. That combined with his experience in the work camp changed him.

In the present day, he’s kind but pragmatic. He’s aware of his own shortcomings but he still has a “survive at all costs” mentality due to his upbringing. The Parmak family credo which he lives and dies by is “one for a hundred” meaning for every life taken he must save a hundred. He’s unbending in this assessment. He still has his quirky sense of humor, he still refuses to look at himself in the mirror, and he doesn’t understand why people find him attractive as his own self-image is still poor. He has few hobbies because his life is work be it medicine, advocacy, raising a family, or self assigned “missions”. He enjoys reading and gardening but really has to be dragged into leisure because he doesn’t understand it. His life has taught him that life isn’t leisure only survival and work so he’s not very able to relax.

He’s a tireless advocate for the Northern Continents and northern rights and he has far less moral limits than I would imagine canon Parmak to have. He’s willing to kill to save but he works to heal the disenfranchised and protect those who need him most. He also has a warped pain tolerance because of his foster father’s training and enjoys being hurt- he doesn’t ask for it or seek it out, but he was conditioned to have that response when it occurs so that’s been used against him. I guess you could say he’s a bit of a broken Parmak.

Stories featuring C132 Parmak are: “If—“, “The Downward Spiral”, Invictus, and Inside a Dream” so far

If you like your Parmak closer to Julian ethically, more “light” than “dark”, and much less twisted then this isn’t the Parmak for you :)

On the opposite end we have:

C147 Parmak: This Parmak appears in all my humor/crack/lighthearted stories. His sex is irrelevant to the character unlike C132 Parmak though for reference he’s usually male in this iteration unless otherwise stated; so far in every story but “The Power of Three” he’s been cis male. This character borders on being a parody so I would encourage most to take this one with a grain of salt because he’s not meant to be a serious representation of Parmak. A lot of his traits come about because of silly late night conversations or “what if” jokes. The biggest example would be his cock obsession. For me this is more of a running gag because I imagine it to be so far off of real Parmak canon and behavior that it’s just silly. I find all sorts of stupid things amusing.

He had a happy childhood in the North, has living parents, and only moved South to study medicine for the adventure of it. He’s usually near lifelong friends with Garak (as this Parmak appears primarily in AUs) and occasionally it’s a friends with benefits arrangement. He appears as various types of doctors/healers but in the Extraverse he’s a yoga instructor as well. I’ll probably branch out his professions as I write more for him. He likes to wear his signature hair beads (silly fanon thing of mine) and often says outlandish things “unintentionally”.

He has a massive hoarding problem and he loves pop culture. You’ll find his space (car, house, office, etc) full of records, CDs, books, bumper stickers, old bottles, and anything he finds interesting. In some universes this includes a massive sex toy collection This Parmak loves taking pictures and loves music. He comes across as oblivious and spacey. Some of that’s genuine, some of it’s played up a bit because he likes seeing people smile and he likes spreading positivity. He loves yoga and tends to be super flexible and fit (sometimes in teasing contrast to the C147 Garak who’d rather lounge with a cocktail). This Parmak also loves television, Queen, and Columbo. He’s incredibly adventurous and has a devious little smirk. He’s a voyeur and a closet sadist (in a playful sense- he doesn’t enjoy actually hurting people).

He’s a bit of a bad driver, is into conspiracy theories in a big way, and is into alternative medicine and new age ideas. He’s more the “Hippie” part of “Hippie Lizard”. He absolutely loves sex and could be considered shameless but he’s proud of this and infinitely creative in that realm. I might even make him a sex therapist one of these days since I think he’d be good at it. As a side note, his companion C147 Garak is much the same. He loves games and stories and “cute” things though he seems rather unaware that he himself is one of those “cute things”. He likes to wear his sunglasses perched on his head while still wearing his glasses. Fun fact- his sunglasses aren’t prescription and he never actually wears them as sunglasses.

He’s a good listener, emphatic to the max and is comically strong while being pretty slim and unassuming. Sometimes he’ll also have the congenital stoop of C132 Parmak but not always. He dresses very free in the summer and bundles up like the kid in A Christmas Story in the winter. He has a strange obsession with tentacle porn and stopped consuming sugar sometime in the early 2000s. He’s pretty much everyone’s friend and can be outspoken and opinionated (especially on obscure things). He totally grows on people even if they don’t like him much at first and is always a brilliant doctor and ethically upright and kind character.

Sometimes he’ll appear in contemporary Cardassian fics/drabbles so some of the more Earth centric traits will be missing but everything else will pretty much hold true. The sex thing also holds for anyone in the C147 Parmak verse including Julian and Garak who are usually the 2 other constants. This too is actually kind of personal for me. It’s a lens through which I see the world. Maybe it’s because growing up I was like listening to Howard Stern since I was 7 and had a lot of exposure to that sort of thing. It’s difficult for me not to sexualize things and interactions and in my writing I tend to be super sex driven. Since my RL doesn’t even remotely reflect that activity I enjoy expressing it through fic even if the C147 Parmak and others get kind of caricature-ish.

Stories featuring C147 Parmak are: The Extraverse, Lizards Melt in your Mouth (epilogue 1 not 2), The power of Three, and the drabble Fine Print

So if you don’t like your Parmak to be an over the top extra dick magnet then steer clear of this Parmak :)

As a side note “A Gift for My Darling” has a mirror Parmak that’s a combo of both these Parmaks while being kind of completely insane.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read, and I hope this enhances everyone’s experience with my stories. I’m always super appreciative of anyone reading and giving feedback. I’m kinda of like a sponge... but not the Seinfeld kind haha

I’ve been debating if people might prefer that I tag either version of this character for ease of filtering so any feedback on that either by reply or DM would be much appreciated!

#star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #my fics #Kelas Parmak #headcanons sorta #more like alternate versions #Parmak

[stevecanmakeanythingnerdy]

Battle #22

Billy Thorpe: Children of the Sun ( Side 1 )

Vs.

The Tubes: S/T ( Side 1 )

Billy Thorpe: Children of the Sun ( Side 1 )

Billy Thorpe, was an English-born Australian singer-songwriter, producer, and musician. As lead singer of his band Billy Thorpe & the Aztecs, he had success in the 1960s with "Blue Day", "Poison Ivy", "Over the Rainbow", "Sick and Tired", "Baby, Hold Me Close" and "Mashed Potato"; and in the 1970s with "Most People I Know Think That I'm Crazy". In the early 1970s, the Aztecs also helped developed the pub rock scene and were one of the loudest groups in Australia. Thorpe also performed as a solo artist and he relocated to the United States from 1976 to 1996 where he released this album which is a space opera called Children of the Sun. He worked with ex-Aztec Tony Barber to form a soft toy company in 1987 and co-wrote stories for The Puggle Tales and Tales from the Lost Forests. Thorpe also worked as a producer and composed music scores for TV series including War of the Worlds, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Columbo, Eight Is Enough and Hard Time on Planet Earth. Basically this guy did a lot of stuff you know but you didn’t know him. So as previously mentioned this is a space opera!! How awesome is that?! So it’s pretty well themed, as you may have figured out by now. “Wrapped in the Chains of your Love” is the starting line. Big rock and big harmony with a Blue Oyster Cult vibe. I assume there is an actual stage act that compliments this, but what’s amazing is it works without one. In fact, I sensed a theme, but didn’t even KNOW about the space opera until I read up on this album after the fact.

“Dream-Maker” is next and very compressed. Full band and rock methods be damned, this guy is super serious. I am not 100% certain as there are no printed lyrics but I thought I heard the words “fish stick serenade” sung. Either way, new band name!! Calling it!! “Simple Life” has a slower, more mellow, Joe Cocker vibe. Recalling a very gospel type of style. I know it’s a new song, but “Goddess of the Night” sounds eerily similar. Like hard to distinguish if you’re not paying attention. This one goes the extra mile on vocals. It’s worth it for that alone. Reminds me of an artist called Doucette. Ironically I wrote down the words “space rock opera”. I actually came across this in a lot of records acquired at an auction. I kept it because it looked wild. I mean, just check out that Boston-esque cover! The hair! Speaking of that, dude has a STYLIST listed on the back cover. Huh? LOL, that’s a thing??! Anyway it is well produced and recorded. Definitely AOR all around. Sounds like he lived a pretty amazing life, but unfortunately he passed away in 2007.

The Tubes: S/T ( Side 1 )

The Tubes are a San Francisco-based rock band. Their eponymous 1975 debut album included the single "White Punks on Dope," while their 1983 single "She's a Beauty" was a top-10 U.S. hit and its music video was frequently played in the early days of MTV. The band also performed in the 1980 film Xanadu, singing the rock portion of the cross-genre song "Dancin'" opposite a big band. Satirical, artistic, avant-garde and eye catching are just a few of the adjectives you could and should use to describe this band. They use costumes, themes, bizarreness and boldness to give their live show a kick in the pants. Odd time signatures and unique arrangements take precedent in The Tubes catalog. So much so that you’d think they were European! Live they were basically SNL incorporating comedy and props. So this is their eponymous debut. Song one, side one is “Up from the Deep”-a weird space-like ... almost opera...start. A funny promotional type thing. It’s a slower nag about the band covering many styles. It’s ambitious to say the least. A show opener for sure. Goes right into “Haloes”. So seamless I didn’t even notice the transition. Similar sounds too. “Space Baby” is a slower jam. 70s rock, like Pink Floyd meets Hendrix jam moments. Almost Queen-like. It’s a pretty decent number. The next one is an odd choice. “Malagueña Salerosa” is a famous Huapango song from Mexico, which has been covered more than 200 times by recording artists, this being one of them. The song is the tale of a man telling a woman (from Málaga, Spain) how beautiful she is, and how he would love to be her man, but that he understands her rejecting him for being too poor. It definitely sufficiently shows the band has range though. Tango/salsa? How many rock bands do that?!!? Falsetto vocals with baritone too. Just weird to be weird I suppose. Very complex works for a debut! This particular battle proves how Randomrecordworkout is truly random. It all boils down to math on this one. So let’s look at the numbers.

Today Billy Thorpe taught his children of the Sun. It burns bright, but you know what else burns? Calories! And Billy burned 112 of them over 4 songs and 18 minutes. That’s 28.0 calories burned per song and 6.22 calories burned per minute. Old Billy managed to earn 9 out of 12 possible stars as well. The Tubes came straight out of a San Francisco neighborhood with more ups and downs than the famous streets the city is known for. They burned 119 calories over 4 songs and 18 minutes as well. See? I told you it was close! The Tubes burned 29.75 calories per song and 6.61 calories per minute. They also earned 9 out of 12 possible stars, but by fractions they burned more calories and are today’s winner!

The Tubes: “Malagueña Salerosa”

https://youtu.be/Y24heJeXI_U

#Randomrecordworkoutseasonseven

#Randomrecordworkout

#randomrecordworkout #randomrecordworkoutseason7 #records #vinyl #80s #80s music #80's music #billy thorpe #rock opera #the tubes

[velvetjinx]

I legit used to work with some of the funniest people. Behold.

[yahoo-movies-uk]

What happened to Star Trek’s small-screen stars?

We know what Shatner, Stewart and the like are up to these days, but what about those other valuable Starfleet officers that entertained us so? Where are the crew members of 'Star Trek' now?

Jonathan Frakes – Commander William Riker (TNG)

Riker finally got to be a Captain before he bowed out of the 'Star Trek' universe at the end of 'Star Trek: Nemesis' in 2002, but he swiftly swapped the captain's chair for the director's chair. Having already helmed Trek movies including 'First Contact' and 'Insurrection', Frakes was the unlikely director behind 2004's 'Thunderbirds' movie. These days he balances acting gigs with directing TV episodes on series like 'Castle', 'Falling Skies' and 'NCIS', and he can be heard voicing Star-Lord's father in the 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' TV animation.

Brent Spiner – Data (TNG)

Ironically, we all shed a tear when emotionless robot Data said goodbye to 'Star Trek' in 2005 after a few guest spots on 'Enterprise', but Spiner hasn't stopped working since. He reprised his (second) most popular role in this year's 'Independence Day' sequel, with two revelations: not only was Dr Brakish Okun gay, but he was very much not dead as the first movie suggested. He can currently be seen in 'Walking Dead' creator Robert Kirkman's new possession thriller 'Outcast', or at a 'Star Trek' convention near you.

Marina Sirtis – Counselor Deanna Troi (TNG)

Born in London's East End to Greek-born parents, Sirtis played ship's counselor Troi in 'The Next Generation' but didn't really settle into the role until they gave her a proper Starfleet uniform to cover up her cleavage. Sirtis reprised her role in an episode of 'Star Trek Voyager' in 2000 but she's stayed with 'Star Trek' in several small ways, not just on the convention circuit but also as the voice of the ship's computer in unofficial fan series 'Star Trek Continues'. Watch her, if you dare, in 2016 horror 'Little Dead Rotting Hood'.

Michael Dorn – Worf (TNG/DS9)

Michael Dorn is the most experienced 'Star Trek' actor ever, having appeared in 175 episodes of 'The Next Generation' and then a further 102 episodes when he transported to successor 'Deep Space Nine'. Six 'Star Trek' movies bring his total appearances to 281. He's not done with Star Trek, either: Dorn is currently trying to raise interest on social media for a proposed Worf spin-off called 'Star Trek: Captain Worf'. Ironically, Dorn says: “I had come up with the idea because I love [Worf] and I think he's a character that hasn't been fully developed.” Make that 281 appearances... to date.

LeVar Burton – Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge (TNG)

LeVar Burton was famous before he clocked in to the Enterprise's engine room – he brought pleasure to millions of youngsters as the host of educational show 'Reading Rainbow', and thanks to Kickstarter, he was able to do so again in 2014 after raising £3.8 million for its triumphant return. Burton currently lends his voice to Dr Greene in animated kiddy spin-off 'Transformers: Rescue Bots', and made a 2016 cameo in the remake of 'Roots', the mini-series which made him famous in 1977.

Gates McFadden - Commander Beverly Crusher

The American actress originally found fame as a choreographer working on Jim Henson productions like ‘The Dark Crystal’, ‘Labyrinth’, and ‘The Muppets Take Manhattan’ before she was cast as the chief medical officer aboard the Enterprise. She starred in all four subsequent ‘TNG’ films, but acting roles soon dried up and she now teaches acting. McFadden, now 67, still appears on the Trek convention circuit and her last movie role was in the low budget comedy ‘Make the Yuletide Gay’ in 2009.

Wil Wheaton – Ensign Wesley Crusher (TNG)

The most hated 'Star Trek' character ever has done pretty well to turn his fortunes around, settling into his role of Ambassador of Geekdom (or 'King of the Nerds', if you prefer). An early adopted of all forms of social media and tech, Wheaton has amassed an army of followers who adore his TV appearances, tabletop game tournaments and cameos on the likes of 'The Big Bang Theory', where he plays Sheldon's nemesis. Now 44, he continues to star in his own D&D web series, on series like 'Powers' and as himself on panel shows like 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'.

Avery Brooks – Captain Benjamin Sisko (DS9)

Unlike most of his fellow 'Star Trek' actors, Avery Brooks has shown little interest in hanging onto the show's coattails since his days on the bridge ended – Brooks' last contribution to a 'Star Trek' project was a voiceover for videogame 'Star Trek: Legacy' in 2006. A keen jazz musician, Brooks lent his talents to a performance at the Springfield Symphony Hall in February 2016 to celebrate Black History Month. If you're lucky, you can catch the ex-captain at Trek conventions around the world.

Alexander Siddig – Dr Julian Bashir (DS9)

One of the more successful 'Deep Space Nine' alumni, Siddig left Julian Bashir behind to play large roles in TV shows including '24' (where he played former terrorist Hamri Al-Assad) and movies like 'Clash Of The Titans' and Wikileaks dramatisation 'The Fifth Estate' opposite Benedict Cumberbatch. He was last seen being skewered by the Sand Snakes of Dorne in season 6 of 'Game Of Thrones' and plays Ruben Oliver in excellent drama series 'Peaky Blinders'.

Nana Visitor – Colonel Kira Nerys (DS9)

As Bajoran Major turned Colonel Kira Nerys, Visitor appeared in 173 episodes of 'Deep Space Nine' before moving on to Jessica Alba serial 'Dark Angel' and various single-serving TV appearances. Super Trek nerd Seth MacFarlane cast her, and a wealth of other Trek actors, in 'Family Guy' episodes and in 2015's 'Ted 2', and she'll next appear in low-budget Trek-inspired comedy 'Unbelievable!!!!!' (yes, five exclamation marks, so you know it's going to be good). She married and later divorced co-star Siddig – the pair have a son named Django.

 René Auberjonois - Odo (DS9)

The theatre actor was unrecognisable as Odo, Deep Space Nine’s head of security, thanks to a headful of deeply unsettling prosthetics but fans of ‘M*A*S*H’ (the film) will have known him as Father Mulcahy too. He directed 9 episodes of ‘DS9′ and has worked steadily as a TV actor ever since. He’s also a talented singer and voice actor having played Chef Louis in ‘The Little Mermaid’, and is the current voice of Pepé Le Pew in the ‘Looney Tunes Show’.

Colm Meaney – Chief Miles O'Brien (TNG/DS9)

Irish actor Meaney brought some Dublin charm to both ‘The Next Generation’ and 'Deep Space Nine' and hasn't wanted for work since the show was cancelled in 1999. He played Gene Hunt in a US pilot for 'Life On Mars' (before Harvey Keitel eventually got the role), played Don Revie in 'The Damned United', starred as Russell Brand's dad in 'Get Him To The Greek' and most recently took Norwich's finest hostage in 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa'. You'll be able to spy him in next year's espionage thriller 'Felt', about the Deep Throat informant. (He's not playing Deep Throat).

Quark - Armin Shimerman (TNG/DS9/Voyager)

Ferengi bartender Quark appeared in three different ‘Star Trek’ shows, but is most keenly associated with DS9 where his money-grabbing character was often at odds with Odo, the station’s security chief. He’s a TV regular appearing in shows like ‘Boston Legal’, ‘Buffy’, and ‘Stargate SG1′ but he’s probably best known now for his voice work in the ‘Ratchet & Clank’ video game series playing Dr. Nefarious. 

Kate Mulgrew – Captain Kathryn Janeway (Voyager)

Mulgrew made her final Trek cameo as Vice Admiral Janeway in 'Star Trek: Nemesis' in 2002. She's proved adept at playing serious roles in confined spaces: Mulgrew plays Russian prison chef Red in the phenomenally successful Netflix series 'Orange Is The New Black', for which she won an Emmy nomination (fun fact: she was also nominated for a Golden Globe for playing TV detective Columbo's wife in spin-off, 'Mrs Columbo'). Mulgrew recently used her platform to speak out for prison reform. Janeway would approve.

Jeri Ryan - Seven of Nine (Voyager)

The lads mag favourite reportedly gave ‘Voyager’ a 60% ratings boost when joined the cast in season 4 as the liberated Borg Seven of Nine. Must have been a compelling storyline. After the show ended in 2001 she appeared in school drama ‘Boston Public’, and headlined the critically panned sci-fi comedy ‘The Last Man’, before appearing in TV shows like ‘The OC’ and ‘Boston Legal’. Aside from playing Sonya Blade in the short-lived ‘Mortal Kombat’ web series, Jeri can currently be seen in Amazon’s hit cop show ‘Bosch’.

Ethan Phillips - Neelix (Voyager)

Ship’s cook Neelix was a popular character aboard Voyager earning himself a spin-off cookbook featuring recipes contributed by actors from all iterations of the franchise. Since ‘Voyager’ he’s continued to act on stage, and has made a number of film appearances in ‘Bad Santa’, Michael Bay’s ‘The Island’, and more recently in the Coens’ ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’ playing Mr Gorfeins, the owner of the escaped cat. 

Tim Russ – Lieutenant Commander Tuvok (Voyager)

Fun fact about the man who would be Tuvok – he also played the guy at the beginning of 'Spaceballs' who yells: “We ain't found s**t!” Work has not been so hard to come by: now 60, Russ has no less than 11 movie projects on his plate for 2016, and a few for next year too, including sci-fi TV series 'Blade Of Honor', which sounds a lot like a 'Star Trek' ripoff if we're being honest. And then there's 'Renegades', a familiar trek through the stars that flirts with copyright law, in which he plays 'Kovok'. Hmmm.

Jolene Blalock - Commander T’Pol (Enterprise)

Following the success of Voyager’s Seven of Nine, the last Trek series followed suit casting model turned actress Jolene Blalock as the Vulcan T’Pol. After ‘Enterprise’ she appeared in ‘Stargate SG1′ but her guest appearance as Sawyer’s love interest in ‘Lost’ never saw the light of day.  She had a starring role in the straight-to-DVD ‘Starship Troopers 3: Marauder’, and prefers to keep her distance from Trek fandom nowadays and has only ever appeared at one convention in 2005. In 2014 she played the wife of Jack Black’s porn baron in Cameron Diaz comedy ‘Sex Tape’.

#slideshow #news #movies #features #star trek

[tokupedia]

Kamen Rider 45th Anniversary File: Double

2010:

Protecting the Earth is an Angel’s Duty! Tensou Sentai Goseiger debuts as the 34th Super Sentai season.

HeartCatch Pretty Cure aka THE BEST CURE SERIES EVER as deemed by some of Pretty Cure’s fans debuts and joins Goseiger and Double on Sundays. The season is slightly more mature with the subject of grief over the death of loved ones as one of its story arc themes and has great action in it. It also has a connection to Sailor Moon in the fact that Cure Moonlight is voiced by Sailor Mercury! 

After years of silence with nothing new on TV or film whatsoever, Garo returns in Garo: Red Requiem, a full-length feature 3D film which introduces the awesome Makai Priestess Rekka and the lovable Makai Priest Shiguto as the allies of Kouga.

After the successful crossover with Decade in the cinemas last year, Kamen Rider Fans get even more Den-O with the Cho Den-O Trilogy.

Samurai Sentai Shinkenger vs. Go-onger: GinmakuBang!! debuts in Japanese theaters and marks the only appearance of Hyper Go-On Red. 

Ultraman Zero: The Revenge of Belial, the sequel to the Ultra Galaxy movie, debuts in theaters.

Space Battleship Yamato gets a live action adaptation on the silver screen.

Tokusatsu actor Shunsuke Ikeda, best known as Ichiro/Kikaider 01, died from complications of his long battle with diabetes. He was 69 and fans in Hawaii and around the world mourned his passing.

During the All Kamen Rider vs. Dai Shocker film, the evil Shadow Moon was laying the smack down on Kuuga Rising Ultimate and Decade, when the rev of a motorcycle stopped the super villain in his tracks and a mysterious figure on a bike broke the two parties up by stopping in the middle of the brawl.

On opposing sides of the field, the Riders saw a Green Rider...

while Shadow Moon saw a Black Rider (No, not that one)

But then the mystery Rider spoke up after a disagreement about his color from the two sides: “I’m both actually. My name is...Kamen Rider... Double. *turns towards Shadow Moon* “Now...Count up your Sins!”

This strange hero spoke with two voices and could easily beat up Shadow Moon using USB thumb drives that contained his powers. However, things got weirder when the hero got into an argument with... himself as one half of him said he wanted to go home as the rest of the Kamen Riders could finish off the weakened Shadow Moon. The other wanted to stay and “get to the good part” (possibly his Rider Kick or weapon finisher), but reluctantly agreed and then drove off....much to the bewilderment of his seniors who witnessed his fight.

This was the start of a brand new tradition, where the old Rider would get a bit of help from his successor and pass the torch.

Planning

Toei needed to change the schedule up to stay on budget, so they made a bold move as Kamen Rider’s premiere would be moved into the Fall of the year and air throughout the majority of the following year. This also put the series in a unique position as it would run alongside 2 Sentai seasons before switching up for the next show. The merchandise sales of the single Rider Series in tandem with the 2 Sentai seasons would in theory give enough cash revenue to balance the books.

Another change is the fixture of Support Robots, while Hibiki is considered the alpha prototype of the concept, this season cemented its place in the Kamen Rider series (With Gaim being the only series thus far to opt out.)

Then the belt itself began to change, while Ryuki switched the belts away from the format of being attached to the bodies of the Riders, Double improved the belt’s combat ability even further. No longer was a Rider constrained to a single form or weapon via a singular input system, but now could diversify their abilities in various ways by using multiple input modules and transformation devices. 

Sure, this was done to make Kamen Rider even more toyetic to boost profits and cover rising production costs, but writers and staff when on their A-game made it feel like a natural evolution of the franchise and not a forced toy commercial.

When it came time to plan W....I should explain that real quick. The show and titular Rider are different in terms of label in a manner similar to Faiz. The English word “Double” sounds like the Japanese pronunciation of the letter “W”.  But since the show romanizes the hero to Kamen Rider Double on toys and on the title card, the Rider is referred to as Double and the show is W because of the Japanese text of the show’s title showing the english letter W.

Anyways, when it came time to plan W, the “Fall 10th Anniversary Project”, the staff was debating on ideas and one argument they had was that Double should be all red. Toei thought since Red was a heroic color it would test well with focus groups. PLEX disagreed with the Toei staff and saw inspiration from the Showa era, wanting a Rider who harkened back to the original Double Riders with a green and black body color. 

(Double, as drawn by Ishinomori assistant and concept designer Masato Hayase)

In fact, the designers wanted a lot of Showa elements back in the franchise, something the producers and writing staff were adamant about or outright felt was a bad idea. One of them was Yasuko Kobayashi, when the design staff proposed the return of a beloved aspect of a Rider costume that had been missing for over 25 years for the main heroes: the classic scarf. She at first saw it as unsightly for a modern audience and too “Showa-y”.  But she eventually caved into the pleas of putting it on under the condition that she chose the color: silver instead of the proposed white color.

Another proposed idea when the writers decided on a neo-noir detective theme was that the hero would wear a Sam Spade/Columbo style trench coat over the suit. But the staff nixed this as they realized it would make Seiji Takaiwa’s job more difficult as he would be wearing a heavy coat over a costume.

(*in a Peter Falk voice* “The last time I trusted a dame was in Tokyo in 1971, she said she was going out to get a bottle of sake. Two hours later, the agents of Shocker marched into Japan!”)

The love letter to the Showa Era didn’t stop at a scarf and a color scheme. Double has allusions of influence from Kikaider 01, Kamen Rider X, Black, Chojin Barom 1 and The Skull Man. The main Gaia Memory that Philip carries is called Cyclone, a reference to wind energized Riders from days of old and the original motorcycle Ichigo rode. There is even Bat and Spider monster villains during the early days of the incidents of the story and Bat and Spider gadgets the heroes use in the grand tradition of that mythology gag.

The next phase was marketing and whoo boy, did this series get the royal treatment. In addition to the new Movie Wars series and a summer film, the series had its own clothing line, several radio shows on a fictitious radio station with some connecting to the show and continued the promotion of Ganbaride with Double getting his own sets of cards. This was also the start of the Legend Rider series of toys, as Bandai made Gaia Memory toys based on each Rider.

Avex got multiple bands and artists together to create exclusive new “bands” for the show with most named after a Hurricane event such as Labor Day or Galveston 19. The music entertainment label even pulled some strings to get 2 members of the hit idol group AKB48 to be recurring supporting cast as Queen and Elizabeth. It truly was a love war..

Futo itself feels like a real city, with locations, businesses and people that you get to know. The world building was so well done that future Rider entries still touch it up every now and then. (Ex. In Drive, we learn Futo is just outside Tokyo and later see Futo Tower in the distance at an amusement park when Drive is fighting a monster!)

Now, let’s meet Futo’s resident local Superhero!

CYCLONE! JOKER!

Real Names: “Phillip” (Raito Sonozaki) and Shotaro Hidari

In 1999, a criminal element unlike any that ever had been seen before in Futo began emerging; distributing a drug-like device that enhances humans into superpowered monstrous beings known as Dopants. The only force that could stop the source of the city’s tears was someone Shotaro would later simply would refer to as “The Boss”, Sokichi Narumi, a private detective who was a real man’s man and moonlighted as a Kamen Rider with the help of his childhood friend. Despite his best efforts, the crime of the city continued.  

Later, while on a case to bust the bad guys on Christmas Eve 2008, Shotaro and Sokichi snuck into a warehouse distributing the drug-like Gaia Memories. Unfortunately, the bad guys found out they were sneaking around and a fight broke out. Due to his youth and stubbornness, Shotaro disobeyed an order to stay put from his boss and found a young eccentric man who had no memories that they dubbed “Phillip” after the famous private eye Phillip Marlowe from the Raymond Chandler novels. While trying to escape, The Boss got shot up pretty bad in a hail of gunfire. With his last breath, Sokichi told his protege to finish the case and become a man worthy of wearing his hat, giving him his prized fedora as he dies from blood loss.

Surrounded by guards, an armed helicopter and a monster later known as the Taboo Dopant, the eccentric Phillip asks his new friend a question and opens the briefcase they were carrying: Do you have the courage to ride with a Devil?

The two use a belt in the briefcase with Gaia Memories and as the guards and helicopter fire their guns....a new figure emerges from the blaze unharmed and destroys the entire floor with a gust of powerful wind (helped by the helicopter crashing into the building).

Jump ahead to late 2009 and Akiko Narumi has come to collect on her father’s detective agency as its new landlord (unaware her father has died). She gets ready to evict Shotaro until a case comes up and she finds all the weird stuff they do, like a hidden garage with a massive vehicle and Phillip scribbling on boards any data they can find on cases. But then Akiko finds out her evictee is a superhero and at first wants to evict the both of them right away, but then decides after being saved it would be better to help people and continue the Narumi Detective Agency. The trio continue investigating cases and stopping Dopants, while under the vengeful eye of the Sonozaki crime family and learning much later there is an even bigger enemy in the shadows pulling the strings.

But as their exploits grow, the citizens of Futo christen their masked savior as “Kamen Rider” and Philiip and Shotaro work hard to deserve that honor, fighting crime to wipe away the city’s tears and making villains count up their sins!

Gear:

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Double_Driver

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Gaia_Memories

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Memory_Gadgets

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/HardBoilder

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Rotation-Interchange_Base_RevolGarry

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Metal_Shaft

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Trigger_Magnum

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Transforming_Gaia_Dinosaur_Fang_Memory

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Transforming_Gaia_Bird_Xtreme_Memory

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Prism_Bicker

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Lost_Driver - Used in emergencies only or when one of the halves of Double isn’t available.

Powers and skills:

Phillip has a genius level intellect on par with a supercomputer and thanks to his connection to the Earth’s True Gaia Memory essentially has a mystical kind of Google search he can call upon. This allows him to accurately find people, places and objects if specific keywords are given that produce the results he is looking for.

Shotaro is a skilled brawler and a competent detective as he was trained by Sokichi. He is able to see small details the police sometimes overlook.

Both of them as Double are pretty diverse.

Cyclone: levitation or slowed descent via wind manipulation, wind energy blasts, capable of creating tornadoes and elemental augmentation of weapons

Joker: Enhanced strength, superior fighting skills and reflexes.

Luna: Mr. Fantastic like-Elasticity on the left side of the body, illusion generation and homing projectiles or giving the Metal Shaft rubbery lasso/whip-like capabilities.

Heat: Pyrokinesis, explosive generation and elemental augmentation of weapons.

Metal: Higher defense and strength and elemental augmentation of weapons. Summons Metal Shaft weapon

Trigger: Expert Marksmanship, enhanced firepower which can be strengthened further by elemental Gaia Memories. Summons Trigger Magnum Weapon

Fang: Feral instincts, Bladed weapon/projectile

Xtreme: Laser blasts, Twin Maximum Drive capability, instant analyzing ability to discover weak points, shield generation, swordsmanship. Capable of evolving to a higher state using wind power to give Double wings and stronger attack power.

Weaknesses:

When Phillip enters Shotaro’s body via memory transfer or vice versa in the case of the Fang memory, their bodies are at risk of being taken or destroyed, which could result in one of them..one of them....dying. *Cyclone Effect starts playing and the typer fights the urge to start crying*. If one or both of them has a status effect inflicted by a monster, that will carry over to Double in some cases unless Xtreme form is activated. Even then, there is a chance they will still be affected. Phillip has a one track mind as once he finds something that fascinates him he won’t stop until he knows everything about it, usually this could take hours or days for him to finish depending on the subject. (I like to think we on the internet have all had moments like that)

The key to Double is keeping the two users in sync with each other, if they cannot agree on something that causes them to fight intensely or in one instance where a villain used Phillip’s amnesia against him, the sync destabilizes and Double either de-transforms or gets weaker.

Speedy opponents can swipe away all of Double’s Gaia Memories save for the ones in his belt, thus putting the two-in-one hero at a major disadvantage.

Lastly, the Memories themselves have risk. A “Twin Maximum”, a move where Double uses more than one Gaia Memory in his base forms, is very dangerous as the suit will overload with energy and the Double Driver will act erratic. The energy surge will cause possible harm to both users, but Shotaro gets the worst of it as it causes physical damage to his body and could kill him. Its only perk is a more powerful attack but it is too foolish to attempt such a life threatening tactic unless it is a last resort. Twin Maximums can only be pulled off by teamwork with Accel or using Xtreme form. 

The Fang Memory causes Philip to go berserk if Shotaro does not reign in his partner, as it regresses Philip to a savage mindset if he does not impose his will into it. As explained in expanded universe material, there is a FangMetal and FangTrigger form but the Joker Memory’s compatibility combined with Shotaro’s will make it the best candidate for Fang. The use of the other memories would result in Shotaro losing control and Phillip going completely wild. The use of this memory also tires out Shotaro as he needs to use all his willpower to keep Phillip’s mind stable from its side effects.

The last one is that Gaia Memories are capable of breaking, so it is possible that the duo could lose their powers on a more permanent basis.

Signature Finishers:

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Maximum_Drive

Enemies:

Dopants

(A Masquerade Dopant, an example of Dopants and the common grunts of the Museum)

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Dopants

Dopants are superhuman beings created when an ordinary human injects a Gaia Memory directly into their bodies. Each Gaia Memory is based on an object, concept, person or animal. (Ex. Dr. Shinigami, Apple, Time and Triceratops) 

Due to the drug-like effects of the Memories being directly inserted into the body of the user, some people who use Gaia memories have mental or physical health deterioration and become unstable and even more violent. There are also side effects in some cases if the memory is destroyed, such as the Yesterday Dopant having a mind wipe occur from the powers leaving her. Some side effects are more fatal if the user has “O.D.” on the Memory as their body will break down and dissolve. Basically, this show in its own subtle way is sayin’: Don’t do drugs kids, it’ll mess ya up and you could die.

Double uses his Driver to filter out the bad stuff of a Gaia Memory to use its power safely with no ill side effects (for the most part). But so does...

The Museum and The Sonozaki Family

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Museum

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Sonozaki_Family

The Museum is an organization run by the aristocratic Sonozaki Family whose goal is to evolve humans and save life on earth in an event called the Gaia Impact. The Sonozakis have Memory Drivers that filter out the negative side effects...not that it changes who they are on the inside as they are wicked in some regards. (Though they redeem themselves in some ways) The head of this prestigious crime organization is Ryubee Sonozaki. Despite being an old man, you do not want to underestimate him as the Terror Dopant...

Also this is the first time in Rider History we have had a pet as a monster lieutenant: A cat.

(*Dr Claw Voice* Ryubee: I’ll get you next time Kamen Rider...next time. Mick: MRRREEEEEOWW!)

And lastly we have...

NEVER and Foundation X

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Category%3ANEVER

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Foundation_X

NEVERS or Necro-Overs are, to put in the simplest terms, sentient pseudo-zombies who retain the knowledge, skills and faculties of their former living selves and are designed to be a breed of super soldiers. Despite interest and development by Foundation X to use them, they were soon abandoned after Gaia Memories were developed. One of them was a Kamen Rider who proved troublesome for Double and nearly killed him, though he was once a good person who slowly went mad from his undead nature.

Foundation X makes their presence known in this season and after the failure of the Sonozakis and their own ranks to stop Double and prove the value of Gaia Memories, the organization got word of another power source even greater than that of Gaia Memories to research...

Though Double/Joker gets to have fun (Maximum) driving them outta their town every so often when they try to reclaim their former territory to set up sinister research projects.

Final thoughts

Kamen Rider W is a beloved entry of the franchise and many newcomers get it recommended to them when asking where to start. The mindset is it is much like a western superhero show with a bit of Scooby Doo/noir mixed in. There is a mystery to solve and a bad guy to catch, defeat and unmask. (Though some of the mysteries are a bit smarter than that cartoon by giving you a bait and switch on who the monster of the week is!)

Unlike most Rider shows, the bad guys for the most part get their powers taken away after the beatdown and they are handed off to the police or get help instead of killed outright (though there are exceptions). In fact, this is the first time since Agito we see a Rider cooperating with the cops and even helping them. (It also helps that Accel is a cop too.) 

I on the other hand say you need to go to Decade first as that first Movie War depends on you watching that show to see that final story chapter and understand what is going on.  But if you don’t want to watch the Movie War...you kinda have to given Kamen Rider Skull is part of it and the episodes plug the film blatantly at one point to tie into the story. 

Other than that, you will have a Hard-Half Boiled good time watching a recent perennial fan favorite!

WBX~ CRIME IN THE CITY!~

#kamen rider #45th anniversary #kamen rider w #kamen rider double #maximum drive #gaia memory #hard boiled #detective #raymond chandler #fan favorite #neo noir #super hero