#i can like him today and dislike him tomorrow and it really doesn't matter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yongbokkk · 1 year

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pairings: lee know x m!reader

genre: diary fic(minho's pov!!), enemies to lovers(?), high school au

a/n; i kinda hate this idk bout u

entry 1

there was a new student today, his name is y/n.

i already dislike him, he looks like he could annoy the shit out of me.

other than hearing his irritating voice, today was pretty much the usual

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entry 2

it's like life decided to give up on me, instead of the opposite.

looks like my friends befriended the new student behind my back, and only now they inform me.

i wanted to wipe the grin off of his face so bad, what's he gotta smile for?

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entry 3

i passed an exam, feeling good.

then all of a sudden y/n offers me to lunch, which i declined of course.

he had this joyful look on his face before i rejected him, it turned sad after i did.

i kind of felt bad i felt victory from finally wiping the smile off his face. anyways, dori is playing with my face, i got to go

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entry 4

he's been stuck to me like a cat needing it's owner, it's so annoying. even if i try to avoid him, he keeps coming back.

i ranted to my friend, he said i should give y/n a chance, hell to the no. he also said i've been being mean to him for no reason, also bullshit.

oh yes, there's definitely a reason to why i hate him. he's just so im too lazy to think, so goodnight.

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entry 5

i can't get the look on his face off my mind, no matter how hard i try to distract myself. i shouldn't have shouted at him like that, maybe i was being too harsh. it's his fault for being so annoying, he just had to keep pestering me everyday.

anyways, i have to go do my homework and sleep, im early tomorrow.

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entry 6

i couldn't find him all day, there wasn't any sign of him, it felt unusual. where was he?

was it because of yesterday? have i upset him by raising my voice like that?

i have an upcoming exam, i shouldn't overthink the situation. goodbye.

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entry 7

jisung really wanted to get in my nerves and decided to throw a water balloon at me, i got him back though.

y/n, he still hasn't shown up to class. is he really going to miss out on all the lessons like that.

im not worried, i have no business with that idiot. goodnight.

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entry 8

i don't know what else to write for this day other than y/n being back.

he looked down, he didn't even talk to my friends or even anyone in school. he seemed like he didn't have the energy to do anything, he barely passed through class.

i'm starting to think back on what i did to him, it keeps me awake at night.

i'll try to sleep now, goodnight.

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entry 9

i don't know what came over me, but i decided to buy him his favorite drink. i just felt bad, he looked pretty lonely these days. sure he had his friends sitting with him, but he barely joined a conversation and just kept eating.

i still hate him, he shouldn't have high hopes that i'll be nice to him after this. goodnight.

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entry 10

me and felix got into an argument, but we worked it out so it's all good in the end.

for the past days, y/n's starting to get better, he doesn't look as miserable as before. there's a part of me that's glad, but then again, why should i care? i hate his guts, he's not important to me.

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entry 11

felix's brownies are the best, he knows when and how to make them like a professional baker. we sat and ate, talking about things to feel the mood. then the topic was about y/n.

apparently, the reason why y/n was sad wasn't just because of me, he was also stood up on a supposed date. how can anyone ditch an angel like him? who ever y/n's date was, i'll serve a punch to his face. goodnight

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entry 12

today was.. eventful. i figured out who stood up y/n, how could he fall for such playboy looking asshole. honestly, i'm more attractive.

i saw him today, and let's say, i gave him a piece of my mind. no there wasn't any violence, i just hit him in the face. it was light, i don't see why i made mark. it felt good, though.

i ate ice cream and played with my cats, now im off to bed. goodnight

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entry 13

theres something wrong with me, i'll start off to where i just brang myself to sit next to y/n at lunch, then i helped him with his books because he was clumsy enough to trip and fall, all of a sudden i had this light feeling in my chest as i was speaking to him. i'm supposed to hate him, aren't i? he's always annoying me.

do i hate him?

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entry 14

hi hi, its been like a month. you're probably wondering why the long absence. well, to my last entry, i took the time to figure out what i was feeling. and when i did, i couldn't believe myself.

as it was the end of school, students were free to go wherever they want outside the building.

minho wanted to walk home, but something was pulling his heart back from the gate.

it was telling him to wait for a certain someone, they were a bit late for exit today.

you, with your bag, finally walked out of the school building. minho's eyes had caught you as soon as you appeared on the corner of his eyes.

your h/c hair was still what you can call perfect, despite what the horrible school air can do.

minho panicked, not knowing what to do. it would be a month till the two of you saw each other again, and he wouldn't be able to wait any longer.

he shouted, "y/n!" making the called person stop his tracks, turning to face minho.

with a few stutters, minho said what he wanted to say, so that his heart and mind can finally rest, he had finally asked you out.

your face were mixed of emotions, one with shock and joy. you nodded enthusiatically, agreeing to go on a date with him.

all this time, i was too focused on being in denial to realize i fell inlove with him.

#skz #stray kids #stray kids imagine #stray kids x reader #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop x reader #stray kids x male reader #skz x male reader #skz x reader #kpop x male reader #lee know #lee know fluff #lee know angst #lee know x reader #lee know x male reader

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averagepathologicenjoyer · 1 year

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After getting boths endings for Pathologic 2 I have a lot of feelings about the Kin and how they are portrayed in relation to the endings

Throughout the game the Kin are portrayed in such a way that really makes it feel like the game wants you to dislike them in some way. You see that the townspeople have a lot of disdain for them, and they aren't really cared about by anyone except the player and Artemy if you choose to play him that way. They're enslaved by the Olgimskys and Big Vlad is just a piece of shit about it, but in that way that big company owners don't really care about their workforce in any way other than how controllable and useful they are, but in more of a 'I did what I had to do' kinda way. Younger Vlad has better motivations and interests but he still falls a bit short of seeing the Kin as a group of living individuals and treats them with an interest that is still a little divorced from the group themselves. Like how people will treat unknown and 'exotic' cultures as things to be studied rather than still living practices that aren't for gawking at. The Kin are portrayed as barbaric and strange, and seen as beasts that need a strong hand to govern them, and while you can not follow this path and give them the space and freedom they deserve, you don't really learn much more about them and what makes them so unique as a culture, or understand their ways in a way that matters to Artemy as someone who is supposed to be related to them

The Nocturnal ending is very depressing, and I understand the point it was trying to make. By keeping things preserved in the past you essentially kill the future. A world that only looks behind can never look forward so it feels timeless and like its stuck in place. There is no future to be had. But my question is, why is it associated with the Kin flourishing and the town dying? Why is that seen as such a bad thing?

The Diurnal ending brings about a future, a new life for the town. They can leave behind what has happened and move forward unto better things. There is a future to be had and tomorrow is brighter than today. But why did the Kin have to be sacrificed for that to happen? Why is this culture that was part of the foundation for the town, that was enslaved and essentially massacred out of neglect and control, not deserving of a chance to flourish and move forward as well? The Kin don't really hold back the town, they aren't really part of the town in the first place, they don't want to be part of the town

It feels a though there were some biases that slipped into the writing and while it doesn't make the overall experience bad, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when I think about it. Something has to be sacrificed for something to survive, but it felt a lot more black and white than the game had been making it out to be. You can free the Kin, allow them to live in their old settlement, allow them to exist free of appression for the first time in goodness knows how long. But it doesn't really make a difference if bringing about the future means they will all die anyway

Idk I just wish there was more nuance to it all, and that it didn't feel like a colonial/settler bias seeping into the work. It could've been done much better, but I understand what they were going for

#pathologic #pathologic 2 #kin #artemy burakh #haruspex

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hayannoran · 6 months

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DA02:TB WAS AMAZING!! Personally, I enjoyed it WAY more than Last Evo Kizuna, and that's really saying something since I think about DA:LEK a lot. I'll be talking about spoilers and my thoughts down under the readmore line!

Okay, so I'll start off with the one thing I somewhat dislike first before getting to positives and just gushing about details: I didn't really like the fact that the digivices dissolved. That's it, really. This is mostly because I'm a bit worried about how travel between the human world and the digital world would work, now. (Also, maybe this is just my Miyakari brainrot, but I was thinking about how this would make it harder for Hikari to visit Miyako... it's ok, my lore brain comes before any kind of shipping brain, but I'm a little bit sad.) Personally, I'm just headcanoning for fun that they eventually can just. Go into digital screens persona-4-style since I think that would be goofy, but that's probably not going to happen lol.

On Rui: I was really pleasantly surprised at how he's written!! Honestly, I felt his frusturation; honestly, I was a bit peeved at what Hikari said to him when he first told the 02 team about the time he broke his digivice due to what Ukkomon did, because even though I agreed with her on what she was saying, I felt like she was ignoring his point of view and his understandable grief. (People aren't perfect when responding to other people's trauma all the time though, so I don't mind from a story perspective.)

I really liked Ukkomon's weird eldritch tentacle form. The tree branches make me think that it's probably Yggsdrasil that Ukkomon has contact with? Since they didn't specify what Ukkomon's connection is, I really hope they explore it more in the future with more episodes, or maybe even another animated series. (Though, maybe a movie would be better for the sake of a more polished end result? Idk, more digimon content is always welcome to me.)

The one scene of Daiken baiting was kinda funny but a little sad since yknow it's queerbait and we know it won't happen canonically due to the epilogue 😭 and the directors doubled down on the epilogue in interviews so we know its not happening... I remember clearly seeing Daisuke blush, but I think Ken was largely unaffected, which, if that blush is anything other than embarrassment, has some slightly sad one-sided connotations. (I'm a Bi Daisuke truther. Maybe I'm delusional. Who cares it's for fun)

This is just a small detail, but I noticed that Silphymon's voice (in the dub at least) (I watch sub usually but the only viewings near my area for both today and tomorrow were dub viewings) was just Tailmon's voice and had none of Hawkmon's voice, which was kinda interesting? It doesn't matter much, it just stuck out to me. I thought it was kinda funny.

I do wish the 02 cast interacted with each other a bit more, but I'm not nearly as bitter about that as I thought I would be, since Rui was a main character I enjoyed. If there's more digimon media in the future that riffs off of this movie, I *would* like it if the 02 cast got more focus, but Rui is a welcome addition to me. (I hope they all get to meet Wallace again at some point... that would be really fun [said by a person who has Hurricane Touchdown as their favorite movie])

Overall, I thought the movie was really good. It had a few other issues, and as someone who's used to the sub I found that the dub voices weren't *entirely* my favorite (except Rui, Rui's performance was excellent), but they didn't bother me as much as I thought they would, making for an amazing experience imo. Review sites I've looked at put it at a B, but for my personal opinion, it's one of the best pieces of digimon media in a LONG time. I'd recommend that you watch it yourself to form your own opinions though (if you haven't watched it and are still reading this for some reason hah) since that's what really matters.

#digimon #digimon 02 #digimon 02 the beginning #DA02:TB #digimon 02 the beginning spoilers #text #digimon adventure 02: the beginning #digimon adventure 02: the beginning spoilers

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greypetrel · 11 months

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Some spoilers from a person trained in literary criticism, after opening youtube and cringing hard at the title of a video and it had me screeching in annoyance at people who thinks consuming a lot of fiction automatically makes you a Literary Critic, and that will mix personal taste with objective truth.

A long, rantful tirade under the cut that I may or may not delete later.

ALL art is derivative. Or at least, Literature surely is. The great breakthroughs are so because they refused some conventions. Meaning that they had those conventions in mind and actively chose not to follow them. They're still derivative. Using "Fanfiction" as a slur is perfectly pointless and not that slur you think it could be, and "originality" is not something we should praise so much and looks so much to... Not if we don't want to be disappointed. Nothing is truely original in art, not in the "Never done before" way (one could argue that early cinema was original? Oh sure, as a mean of expression! But take a moment and consider "People travelling to the moon" as a theme in literature. I can trace it back at the II century AD, and I wouldn't be surprised if the theme came up before that in other cultures I am not so knowledgeable of. Méliès' Voyage dans la Lune is original in execution because cinema was new... As for the story? Still derivative!

The concept of "Mary Sue" as a slur should die. Really. Stop. That type of character may not speak to you and that's very valid, it's your right in not liking it! still doesn't make it objectively bad or evil, or something to despise. Two people will read the same book in two different ways. That's the beauty of literature: it's not high school math which has a right and a wrong answer. Literature and Humanities work in shades of grey. If some people need to have a main character that's clumsy, that's beautiful but very unsure of herself, that's important to the story, so they can identify themselves in her and maybe gain some more trust in themselves, what's wrong? There's nothing wrong in liking, in needing a Mary Sue, and there's equally nothing wrong in disliking her. It's just a matter of taste and of the right moment you read her. I read Twilight in three days because by that time I WAS clumsy and unsure of myself, I WAS just in high school after years of middle school being bullied. I could relate to Bella, and it felt nice, at 14, to see that even if you can't stand on your feet for more than 10 minutes, you can still live adventures and be loved. I stopped reading the saga because the "Edward dumped me and I stopped living" didn't resonate with me at all, and I didn't go further in my reading. Years of Liceo Classico and Academies got me hating Twilight because EEEEEW BELLA IS A MARY SUE EEEEEEW. That's bullshit.

Personal taste =/= Judgement over how good or bad is a book. I am sorry to relate this to you, but no, reading a lot of fiction doesn't make you a literary critic. Because good literary criticism takes the context into account to judge a book. You can't separate a book from its context, particularly when you're talking about classics, but also talking about modern books. Because no author lives in a bubble and doesn't act influenced by the society they live in. There are objective parameters to judge a book! But beside the fact that most authors played around it, and that those parameters are also HIGHLY depending on the context we're in (just as an example: Shakespeare was HIGLY unpopular in XVIII century Enlightment criticism. Voltaire hated the guts out of him and didn't consider him a good playwriter... Because Shakespeare didn't follow the Ancient Greek/Roman theatre criteria that the Enlightment preferred. That's just it. So you see, criteria vary too with the historical context. A book celebrated today may not be celebrated tomorrow.). But: you can like and dislike Classics. It's ok. It's normal. You have a personal taste, and the fact that a book has some objective value that makes it a classic and makes the book worth studying is totally separated from your personal taste and should always be kept separate. I majored in English Literature: I know that Dickens is a hugely important author, I know why he is and why he's in literature history books, why we study him and with reason. It doesn't change that I find Dickens' books terribly boring, they don't speak to me, they're out of my taste and preferences. Hard Times was probably the only book in my uni I couldn't bring myself to finish and read the summary on Wikipedia of. I tried, it isn't for me. I still think they should be studied in school, because they're very important for their period, and hugely useful to understand Victorian mentality and context.

That's it, welcome to my TED talk, I'm sorry for the tirade but I opened Youtube and there was a video titled "Is Rings of Power Galadriel a Mary Sue??" which had me fuming from my ears.

What if she is? Who cares? Just say you didn't like the show, that you imagined Galadriel in a different way and that's it. Don't deminish people who on the other hand liked her.

I promise, you can write your opinion of a book/show/media as just your personal opinion and impression. I swear it's fine, anyone who studied Literature would know that criticism is just that and doesn't mean much, that you can like a movie that's technically bad and dislike a movie that's technically great and that's perfectly fine and valid.

You don't need to make it an universal experience and an objective truth to be entitled to your opinion. Good taste is overestimated anyway. Embrace the trash. You're not a better person if you only like critically acclaimed stories, believe me, it took me years to realise it.

But still, if you want to write some proper criticism... Context is essential. Otherwise you read Jane Austen and you think she wrote romances. Which she didn't. She was a social satyrist and a terribly brilliant one. We just read her out of her context, we have lost the parameters to grasp the criticism because we live in a different society. The romance is all that's left. You can read Pride and Prejudice just as a love story... But if you want to write a critic essay over it, you can't treat it as such. You can say "I liked the romance plot the best!" and still say it's a brilliant satyre. But you have to know it's satyre.

#personal crap #literature #meta #literary criticism #in defense of Mary Sue #Mary Sue #Academies are a great thing but the mentality they give you is BULLSHIT #Reading only classics and “good literature” does NOT make you a better person than a person who unironically likes 50 Shades of Grey #It does not I'm sorry you've been lied to #and yes my pet peeve now that I'm out of the mentality is people shitting on other people's taste in virtue of I don't know what #the illusion that having “Good taste” is a divine right in shitting on other people...#I'm deeply sorry for every single time I did it #and I sadly did

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hospitalterrorizer · 2 months

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diary162

2/23-24/2024

friday - saturday

not excited for tomorrow.

and this problem song is not going as well as i would like, idk the new tone i came up with just isn't it i think but idk what to do for it rn. the distortion just kinda gets too bassy w/ how i'm doing things rn, it's weird. serum does seem to act better, i'm trying out massive for this, maybe too much of an experiment, to beeeeeee honest. it's not that i dislike the sound but it's soo harsh and percussive, lacks a lot of tonal characteristics, which makes it hard to hear the low end stuff when that plays thru the guitars, it's instead kind of this clicky chugging almost, which sounds good, it's like, maybe i keep this as a layer now, but it's also not the ideal tone for articulating the riffs.

errands day was also like, too much, the bank thing just has to wait cuz everyone was too busy for me to do a walk in. so dumb imo but whatever. i'll be going to the bank on the 26th. the rest of the day was exhausting, being in the car w/ my gf's mom and her brother, both just like, going at eachother sort of. and then it's like, idk. it's just too much, idk how their mom is like that, she just kind of goads people into starting shit it feels like honestly. but it doesn't matter.

or it does, it sucks, i just can't do anything.

honestly, today was just so draining.

i think i got the guitar to sound good, it just needed to be panned wider, crazy how that works, now you can hear the tonal / musical parts of the sound, it's also mixing more w/ that other tone as a layer, now it's something really interesting.

i also saw some interesting stuff online tonight, for some reason, today a lot of people seem extremely miserable, on twitter, that's not the interesting thing but on reflecting the interesting thing is less interesting than that maybe.

the interesting thing had to do w/ bullying but i guess it starts from a strange point/other person's tweet, which is that zoomers don't ever see bullying anymore, and idk, maybe that's true, i hope so, but i think i count as a zoomer and basically, when this one person says that victims of bullying are 'anomalies', it should be observed that every school has 'anomalies' and some anomalies really are unique to that school or whatever, for whatever reasons, certain kinds of people, maybe especially bad fights for (x) reasons, and some anomalies are just certain types of people appearing, and they're usually in every school. i wasn't bullied because i basically cleared a certain bar, and maybe that bar doesn't exist anymore, but i did see a guy get mercilessly bullied basically, his deal was that he was maybe delusional, maybe eccentric, he'd say he was king from tekken and shadow the hedgehog, and kids would mess with him. to get him to not fight people i'd have to intervene and tell him that there were chaos emeralds in another direction and that'd get people to lose interest because he really would turn around and run off to look for them. this was in highschool, in gym. it feels odd to talk about now because i want to have not been inside 'boy's gym' or i don't want to admit it as part of my existence, like, not as a source of dysphoria or shame, i never participated, i just wish it didn't have to be there at all, it feels weird, but it was true. as it is, i'd see people who were mostly normal, turn somewhat vicious when around that kid. basically, that period of time in each day seemed carved out as a sort of bloodletting period for some kind of excess of negativity, at least that seemed to be how it was imagined. i saw another weird kid get bullied, he was more normal than the guy who believed he was shadow the hedgehog, and for that he was bullied less, but he still seemed eccentric enough to be a target.

obviously this is all a single account and not any kind of sample, but it feels i guess strange to say that bullying is an anomaly at this point. it might just have been better worked into sociality/there's different means people go about this. what i saw was very basic, teasing, taking people's stuff, throwing it in the bathroom. even things like continually asking other men things like 'you have a boner man? are you gay?', weird shit, obviously, i can't imagine it's like that anymore. it's not that i think it's human nature or something, i hate that kind of thinking, but i think basically school tends to breed a kind of cruelty and by its hierarchic nature people are going to tend to work to exclude in some way, since that becomes the way you 'person' yourself. but maybe not. idk. i am not a teen anymore and better for it, it just is a weird thing to talk/think about. it also feels narrowed by the places these discourses occur, cascading comments confirming/denying, anything that builds to anything larger in the threads or whatever just seems a bit like, idk. something about it, i can never take it like some people do, it always feels like i have some weird issue with it, maybe that's me, not just the delivery but the content itself, as well as the delivery ofc. it's weird. it's not pointless but i don't think i even need to respond to the thread i was thinking of at all, it's not even the thing i take issue w/ in this case. although i guess it references a book i dislike (theory of a young boy or whateverrr(i need to get back to theory of the young girl soon as well, maybe after cybernetic hypothesis)).

the song definitely is sounding better now, i think i need to figure out how to cut some lows to get better definition in them, there's something a bit too, idk, it's the sound thunder makes as it reverberates out, kinda, maybe i remove some of the low cutting in the spring reverb pre distortion. and then what idk, maybe cut around 600hz? hard to say where that sound's at. and maybe i need to do something with the bass so it doesn't cut that range in the guitars? idk. strange stuff, to get that low end to bite more, but it'd be worth it.

i'll also have to figure this all out tomorrow since i need to sleep soon. tomorrow i also want to like. look at pictures of pretty clothes or something too, from that forum or something, surface more junk or whatever, it'd be cute.

i went and looked now actually, before bed, found some really cool stuff from china:

really crazy stuff, almost psychotically 2007, some of this. but my fav is of course the crazy retro sci fi 60s glam thing, it's so cool to me. i lurveee it.

also, a weird thing from tonight, i was walking around where i grew up, or 'walking' on google street view, it let me go back to when they first got pics of our house for that, in 2009. really strange seeing the place i grew up, all of that neighborhood, in 2009 vs. now. it's palpably sad and there's a real sense of like, what used to be, when i see the house from years ago, it used to have green trim, and be cute, the trees were healthier, my mom's car didn't get stolen, her happy attachment to independence was still there, soon to disappear. i loved that car so much. there was something out for trash that i remember always being in the back yard, this pool ladder, it made you itchy if you touched it, cuz it was just cheap and awful plexiglass. it felt weird seeing that for the first time in 15 years. i was 10-11 then, there were insane things happening to me that point of my life. i was absorbing too much, getting too online already by that point, and everything.

anyway, i need to sleep, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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crimsonwolfie · 3 years

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A Love Like In The Movies - Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Prompt: You (the reader) have had a crush on Stiles, your best friend, since forever. Only...he likes the popular girl, Lydia...or so you thought.

Warnings: tinges of sadness, loneliness and a hint of heartbreak...but a ton of fluff :)

Word count: 3,071

masterlist

You tug at your bag, shoving about 3 books in at once in an attempt to be out of class as soon as the bell rings. Walking with your head down and hands clasping your bag up, you harshly bump into the new kid Henry, knocking him to the floor along with all his books and your papers....clearly you never remembered why your nickname was ‘Wobbly Whittmore’.

“Oh my gosh, i’m so sorry!” You utter with one hand on your mouth and the other helping him up off the floor. He stares up at you with a dazed look and a small smirk, watching you help scramble up his papers and books.

“It’s chill, don’t worry”

You look up at him with a shy smile, clearly embarrassed for your clumsiness. “It’s not, honestly i’m so sorry. You haven’t even been here for a week and already you’ve been practically beaten up..” you shake your head “that usually happens at least 3 months in” you wink at him, laughing lightly. Henry laughs back whilst collecting more papers from the floor.

As you both sigh, your hands collide briefly. It was just for a moment...but it made you feel something. At first it was shock, but then something you’ve wanted to feel for so long...just with someone else...Stiles. Henry’s eyes dart up at you, his cheeks heating up slightly.

“I...sorry i should get going” he quickly adverts his gaze and gets up, picking up what’s in his hands “how many people can say they’ve encountered the nice Whittmore in their first week, huh?”

“Oh god you know about my brother already?” you huff, handing him his books “Some friendly advice since you’re obviously a decent guy...stay far away from him.” You laugh, once again feeling embarrassed for being related to...well...Jackson.

“Yeah he has a...well...a reputation so to speak. Thanks again, see you around, Y/N”

“Later Henry!”

Walking through the halls you can’t help but think of Stiles. He’s adorable, cute, beautiful, funny, smart, geeky but in the best way, kind, gentle...the list quite literally goes on forever. But in all the time you’ve known him...he’s always liked Lydia. The girl who your brother used to date. Since they broke up, Stiles has never been so smitten. Sure, she’s gorgeous and actually really nice...but she’s who he likes...she’s not you. I mean, you never know...he could like you. You’ve never actually mentioned it to him. But then if you do, and he turns you down, you’d be crushed... completely!

“Hey Y/N!” Stiles appears from around the corner of the lockers, making you jump a little.

“Jesus Stiles, don’t do that!” You hiss as you hold your hand over your heart. He throws his head back giggling. ‘God how cute he looks when he’s happy’ the little voice in your head says.

“You up for a movie marathon after school? I got your favourites...” he moves closer

“Harry Potter?!” You squeal, clapping your hands together

“Only the best for the best” he smiles with all teeth showing. You silently fist pump the air as he holds his hand out for you to high five him, which you do. Your hands hover in the air, skin hot to the touch, until he breaks apart and places his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll go and find Scott and ask if he’s in. Knowing him, he’ll want to bring Allison and with Allison comes...”

“Lydia” you sigh

“Yes! She’s just so brilliant, isn’t she?” Stiles hummed, his face cheeky and merry like a child eating ice cream. You tried to hide the hurt with a faint smile, because seeing Stiles so happy just warmed your heart. You didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.

“What’s up Y/N/N?” Stiles’ smile faded into a frown, concern painted across his perfectly honeyed eyes. Seeing this, you can practically feel your heart drop.

You fiddle with the rings on your fingers as your soft Y/H/C hair slips in front of your face. “What? No...nothing. Rough day that’s all-”

“HEY Y/N” You look up to see Henry running towards you with one arm stretched out towards you, the other holding his bag strap. “You left this, when we spoke earlier” he hands you a pile of papers, all with your name on.

“Oh, my god...I’d be totally screwed if I didn’t have this for tomorrow’s math class. I’m so sorry. They must have got mixed up with your papers” you take the papers out of his hand and shove them into your bag, smiling shyly at both boys staring at you. “Thanks Henry, you saved my math grade” you laugh, causing Henry to blush and bite his lip ever so subtly, placing his hand on your arm and squeezing it playfully.

“No worries, Y/N. I’ll see you around” he winks at you, earning a frown from Stiles.

“Who’s that geezer?” He remarks, his face furrowed with a mix of both dislike and anger. Little did you know, Stiles didn't like seeing other guys flirt with you. He began to feel this deep pit in his stomach, his blood beginning to boil.

You turn to face Stiles, pushing your hair back behind your ear. Sheepishly you pat him on the shoulder “i’ll see you at 3? Parking lot?”

“Yeah, sure.” He replies hesitantly, fidgeting with the rim of his flannel. You notice something’s got him wound up but decide it’s probably just him nervous to spend time with Lydia and continue to walk down the hall, making your way to health class.

━━━━━━━━

All throughout the rest of your classes for the day, you just felt empty. Nothing but heartbreak, emptiness, loneliness. Thoughts of him and Lydia snuggling up in blankets whilst eating popcorn and watching the movie kept bubbling around your brain. You tried to snap out of it, but nothing would work. You thought about just cancelling on the meet after school, knowing it would be way less painful. ‘They probably wouldn’t even notice I'm gone’ you thought. Your mind was like a prison that you couldn't escape...

“this must have been what Sirius Black felt like for 12 years” you mutter under your breath, not caring who heard. Sounds of faint chattering, pencils scribbling and the monotone voice of Mrs Rawlings can be heard around you, but none of it distracts your train of thoughts. Just begging for some sort of peace, you crash your head into your arms on the table.

“Hey, Y/N” you felt a gentle nudge on your forearm and look up to see Scott staring down at you, his hand on your arm. “What’s up with you dude? And who’s Sirius Black?”

You sigh with an overly dramatic eye roll, unwillingly plucking up enough strength to say once again that you’re ‘fine just a bit tired that’s all’...

“Tired.” is all you can spit out before shoving your head back into your arms. Little did you know, Scott could sense what you were feeling...I mean you didn't lie - he sensed tiredness...just mentally. Along with hurt, pain and loneliness.

“You sure? Well maybe after school you’ll feel better. Say, d’you reckon Allison likes...I don’t know...flowers? I... I was going to get her a bunch before I pick her up to go to Stiles’” You felt your tears drop into your sleeves, soaking both your jumper and your face as Scott continued. “Do girls like flowers? I’d ask Lydia but I'm closer with yo...”

“Yeah flowers whatever.” you mutter without lifting your head up. Scott scrunched his face, his brows furrowing. Usually, you were so much more supportive and excited for him - heck you were even more excited than him when you found out about him and Allison! You guys always told each other everything. ‘Something is definitely going on’ he thought to himself. He decided it was best to not say much more right now since he was already on a report in Mrs Rawlings’ class.

Just as Scott was about to hand you a note in class, the final bell rang. Instantly you popped up and grabbed your books, practically sprinting out of the door. Scott tried to stop you, but was called behind class by the teacher. You knew he was going to follow you, that's why you ran. No matter what, he couldn't see you like this, otherwise he wouldn’t drop it and would demand to know who hurt you - how could you tell him it was his own best friend?! As you’re jogging, you bump into the one person you wanted to avoid...

“Woah, slow down there cowgirl” Stiles holds your shoulders with his hands, his grip firm and comforting. He takes one look at you and notices your wet, blotchy eyes. You hang your head low in an attempt to hide your face from him...clearly it doesn't work.

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s up? Who hurt you?! his smile fades drastically upon seeing the state you were in. Obviously you weren't going to tell him, so you just decide to make up something...

“I failed my health class for the semester”

“Y/N it’s not the end of the world, you can always retake!” he sighs

You turn over to him with your hands in the air, shaking your head. “No you don’t un...you know what, Stiles? I can’t come over later. I’m sorry.”

He steps back in surprise, both hands leaving your shoulders and grabbing his bag straps around his arms. Suddenly, you feel angry at him...though you instantly regret snapping at him. “i...I’m sorry” is all you can stutter as you run out the door, leaving Stiles standing there wondering what he did wrong, for what felt like hours, until Scott saw him.

“dude what're you doing? We got a marathon to start” he smacks Stiles on the back full pelt, leaving Stiles to stumble a bit.

“Have you spoken to Y/N today?” he asks, his voice trembly, quiet.

“Of course I have. Why, haven’t you?” The alpha replies

“No I have, it’s just...she was upset and i tried to help but she just...” he trails off as Scott steps closer, Stiles’ eyes dull.

“She just what?” he asks, his voice calm and gentle

“She said she failed health class...”

“Wait, no that's not true - I got pulled behind class today because Mrs Rowlings wants me to have a tutor for health class and suggested Y/N since she’s acing everything!?” Scott explained. Stiles jerked his head, brows furrowing once again.

��Wait what?” his hand flew to his forehead as he leaned against the lockers beside him. “She snapped at me. I think I did something, Scotty...but I don’t know what. She’s been distant for a while now ever since Jackson and Lydia broke up, and I mean I know that her brother hates us but I just didn't think Y/N would choose her brother over us or me and i...”

“Stiles, stop.” Scott grabs both of Stiles’ shoulders and makes direct eye contact with him. “Listen, okay? I think I know what’s up”

“You do?” Stiles’ eyes brightened insantly. He knew something was wrong with his best friend and he knew he would do anything to fix that.

“She likes you, dude. Really likes you. And I thought you would have figured that out by now...she’s always doodling your name in class and covers it whenever someone passes by. Plus, she talks about you all the time.” Scott understood why you had been distant, and he didn’t blame you.

Stiles’s cheeks flushed a bright shade of red as a smile began appearing. His heart started pounding quicker than Quicksilver in the X-Men films, butterflies swarming around his stomach and ribcage. “Seriously? Then why is she distancing herself from me?”

“Because she still thinks you’re in love with Lydia...her heartbeat quickens when she’s with you, or when you guys touch in some way” Scott’s tone becomes more serious, which is unusual for Scott. Typically, he’s always goofy around Stiles so clearly he meant what he was about to say next... “But when you’re with Lydia, her mood changes. I can sense it...It’s sort of sad, lonely...” his face melts just thinking of all the times he’s felt that same pain. “You gotta tell her how you feel, Stiles. Tonight.”

“But I can’t...she’s not coming!” Stiles replies with a croaky voice.

“Then you go to her!” Scott replies, his eyes wide with hope and his hands pressing on Stiles’ back, pushing him towards the door “go now, dude!” Stiles picks up his pace and jogs to the door, one hand gripping his bag strap and the other fiddling with his keys in his pocket. “And let me know how it goes” Scott shouts as Stiles leaves the building.

━━━━━━━━

As you reach your front door, you feel a tear trickle down your cheek. All you could think of was Stiles. How he would, at this moment, be snuggling and giggling with Lydia. You have nothing against her, in fact you are actually really fond of her, but it breaks your heart to know you aren't the one who can make the boy you love, fall for you. A pain runs through your chest as you slam the door shut, your breathing wheezing. Leaning against the door, you slide down...completely breaking down.

“Why doesn’t he look at me that way?” you mutter to yourself, head in arms as your cheeks soak into your sleeves. “All I've ever done is try and make him happy, try and make him realise how incredible he is...and he still doesn't see me the same way”

Nose sniffling, eyes red, head fuzzy, hands shaking and top wet...you get up. ‘You did the best thing. It was the right decision to stay home’ you think, knowing it would have just ruined your friendship if you told him how you felt. And anyway, you wanted him to be happy. And clearly, that wasn't with you...

You ran upstairs and changed into a comfy pair of joggers and an oversized top, chucking your slippers on and grabbing a blanket before heading back downstairs. If you couldn't join their movie night - you’d have your own!

Snacks and a drink were sitting on the table beside you on the sofa, with the television on ready and curtains closed. Just as you had got yourself in a comfy position, the doorbell rang. You grunted, kicking the blanket off your legs and dragging yourself towards the front door. Opening it, you felt your breath escape you. It was Stiles, standing at the door, with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his hands. His hair was messy as if he’d run his fingers through it a thousand times, his cheeks were flushed brighter and pinker than bubblegum, looking as if he was out of breath from rushing somewhere. You go to say something, but before you had the chance, Stiles speaks, “Hi! I uh....I didn’t know whether you were mad at me or whether you were just having a rough day but it seemed like you were mad at me so I wanted to see if you were okay and uh...I got you these” His arms stretched to give you the flowers, his face ridden with nerves. You looked down at the flowers and then back up to Stiles’ face.

“Why would you think i was mad at you?” You questioned, brows furrowing at the confusion of what was happening. “These are gorgeous, thanks Stiles” you coo with a smile on your face, taking the flowers from Stiles’ hands. As you grab them, your hands touch Stiles’, causing your cheeks to flush and your heart to flutter. Stiles’ own cheeks flushed at the touch of your hands, too.

“You seem distant with me lately. And Scott told me why...” he begins, fingers fidgeting with the rim of his checkered shirt “I like Lydia...” he trails off.

Upon hearing these words, you feel your heart drop. Mouth dry and sadness creeping into your mind, you feel clouded with emotions and thoughts. Why would Stiles come over, give you flowers and then declare his love for Lydia? “Yeah I kno...” you begin until he cuts you off,

“She’s my friend. And she’s amazing...but she doesn’t wait for me after classes. She doesn’t call me to check in once in a while. She doesn’t do anything in her power to make sure I'm happy or know I'm loved...” his beautiful brown eyes stared lovingly into yours, your heart lifting and beating faster with each sentence he says...

“She doesn’t know me, and I mean the real me...the one who suffers with anxiety, who needs a nightlight and needs constant reassurance on even the simplest things” you smirk at the mention of a nightlight because, well, you were the one who actually got it for him...because you knew he wasn't doing too good. “She is my friend, Y/N, but she isn’t my best friend. And I like her, but I don’t love her...because I love you. It’s always been you”

There’s a soft wind that blows between you both, causing you to shiver and shake with both excitement and chills. Stiles’ eyes glittered in the sunlight like an ocean surface in summer, tears welling in them. You bit your lip which trembled with an overcoming emotion of happiness as you leant forward and grabbed him, cupping his face in your soft hands and bringing your lips to his in a desperate yet passionate way. Feelings of euphoria and desire filled both of your hearts like a fire burning bright, lips moving sweetly in sync as in destined for one another. His hands wrap around your waist as you bring your hands through his hair. Nothing felt more perfect than this moment...all your worries gone and your heart fuller than ever before because the boy who holds your heart, who has held your heart for years, is finally in your arms. Stiles’ warmth radiates onto your cheeks as you smile into the kiss, earning a smile from Stiles, too. Breaking away to breathe, you both look down and giggle, hands intertwining with Stiles rubbing circles on your palm with his thumb.

You look up at him, smiling, as you speak “I...I love you too”. Stiles coos as he pulls you closer to him to break the gap now between you both, “I gathered” he laughs, kissing the top of your forehead affectionately. “So, how about that marathon?”

Hope you guys like it! x

#teen wolf #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinski #dylan o'brien #stiles stilinski imagine

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repo-net · 4 years

Text

I really enjoyed writing yesterday's Nagisa mini talk, so I thought I'd do another one of these while I'm still in the mood.

Today's Nagisa topic of the day: His relationship and underlying care for the other kids

One of the things that I think commonly describes Nagisa by the general fanbase is him being a "bad person whos done awful things but has an inside guilt and regret of those things"

While I definitely understand that point of view and think it's valid, let me make the case that he's more of a "good person who's done bad things who has really deep guilt about all his wrongdoings"

Why do I think Nagisa's a good person? Simple, really. His deep care for the other Warriors of Hope and the amount of stuff he's done for them, and the things he hasn't done but they're things he's more than willing to do.

This is a topic I wish got talked about more, since Nagisa has really interesting relationships with the UDG cast, in particular the other Warriors of Hope, and of course Komaru & Toko. But we'll ignore the despair girls duo for now, I'll get to that in maybe another time.

On the surface to his allies, Nagisa's cold, blunt, and a smartass who's way too serious about everything, and one that doesn't care about the others but rather only for Monaca.

Inside his heart however, he's probably the most caring out of all the Warriors of Hope despite his cold exterior.

Out of all of the Warriors, he was the one most fixated on their goal: creating a safe place for kids. He wasn't a big fan of the killing adults thing, and the only reason he wouldn't try to stop it is because it's Monaca's game. I already explained how much Monaca meant to him in the last post and why he didn't have the willpower in him to defy Monaca. I won't really be talking about her this time around, but her and Nagisa's relationship and dynamic is extremely tragic and well-written, and I'm probably going to make a post about that soon too.

Now, enough filler. Let's talk about all the things Nagisa has done for all the Warriors of Hope, atleast in what UDG and the art books with his relationship charts have provided us with.

Let's start with Masaru. Masaru and Nagisa are complete polar opposites in terms of personality, but it's honestly impressive how many similarities the two actually have. Wanting to be a leader, a huge desire to protect the kids, and being a simp for Monaca. Well, I'm sure they're both over that now since the events of UDG, but they were both most definitely what the definition of a simp is, atleast.

Masaru and Nagisa really don't get along all that well. Masaru's red fire and Nagisa's blue water are complete 180s on each other, but as much as they seem to not get along, Nagisa is the one that has shown care and genuine worry for Masaru.

During Masaru's "funeral" in Chapter 2, Nagisa was the only one who refused to believe he was dead, because the report he received was that we went missing, not dead. The other Warriors were so wrapped around the idea that Masaru was dead, (due to Monaca's convincing of the idea) but not Nagisa. He, who was probably the one that argued with Masaru the most. He, who seemed to hate his guts on the surface. He was the one who wanted to look for Masaru.

Even after all his talk of annoying him with being their leader and a hero, he still wanted to look for him because he was still their friend and ally, no matter how many times they argued. Now those are the qualities of what you want out of your team's leader.

Of course, his effort was all in vain because Monaca talked him down, by convincing the other Warriors of Hope that he was acting like an adult, effectively turning them against him and making him retract any idea he had of searching for him. Poor boy.

Moving on to the next Warrior, let's go with Jataro. Jataro always hated himself, and that's what he always wanted the others to feel about him too. Hatred, disgust, malice, and just plain disliking of his whole existence, because that's how Jataro handles with his trauma.

Honestly? Quick praise to Jataro for being the only Warrior of Hope of using his trauma as a way of pleasure rather than getting hurt by it. And also fuck Jataro's mom, all my homies hate Jataro's mom. What the hell did she say to him that made him develop such a weird complex at such a young age? Good lord...

Anyways, back on topic. Jataro wanted all of the Warriors of Hope to hate him. The girls most definitely did, they're open about it. Masaru probably just dismisses his existence as a whole and couldn't care less.

There's an oddball out though, and it's Nagisa. Nagisa was, despite him definitely showing some annoyance with Jataro at times, he really was the only one who truly cared for Jataro and the only one who acknowledges his existence on a more positive note than the others.

As much as Jataro wants the others to hate him, Nagisa is mature and smart enough to understand that this is not an okay mentality to have, and discourages it. He's a change from the other Warriors of Hope (Monaca and Kotoko, especially) who bully him and just make the problem worse. Nagisa even told Jataro in one of the art books, I quote, "Shouldn't you only fight in the demon hunting game and not with yourself?". This was genuine advice and proof that Nagisa cares about Jataro.

Also, can we talk about this picture?

If you hadn't noticed by now, Jataro's clinging on to Nagisa's arm. I don't know what that really means, but at the very least we can get that Nagisa is seen as a comforting figure by Jataro.

not my cup of tea personally but no wonder why this is nagisa's most popular ship

Anyways, this post is getting way too lengthy already. I still have to talk about Kotoko and Monaca, which I think I'll do tomorrow, so look out for that. The Kotoko-Monaca-Nagisa trio is one of my favorite trio groups in the entire series, only getting beat by probably Makoto-Kyoko-Byakuya and maybe, just maybe Nagito-Hajime-Chiaki. But the trio of kids is definitely up there with them.

Anyways, let me know what you guys thought of this post, I had a lot of fun writing about it and I will definitely have even more fun tomorrow when I get to Nagisa's relationship with Kotoko and Monaca.

#danganronpa #nagisa shingetsu #danganronpa ultra despair girls #shingetsu nagisa #warriors of hope

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dreamofasupernaturalchamber · 3 years

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Dabb's Dream of a Red Chamber: Death's Library (Bo Ming Si) and Dean as Qin Keqing

I've seen a lot of SPN meta on this website, and in typical fashion, I'm YEARS late to the game. But I think there are some things that can only be understood in retrospect, and SPN's structure is one of them. What I'm trying to say is this: when Dabb took over, he turned Supernatural, a Western show about saving people and hunting things, into Dream of a Red Mansion, a Chinese literary classic about inter and intra family conflicts, class conflicts, political conflicts, and above all-- women.

Yes, I know how absurd this sounds. Why on earth would Dabb do that? My guess: because there is no surpassing Dream of a Red Chamber when it comes to metafiction-- the answer to the question "why metafiction?" will probably devolve into speculation about the network, so I won't get into it now.

What really tipped me off was that scene in 13x05, where Dean tries to commit suicide, but ends up Death's library instead. Some necessary background info: there is a scene in the first few chapters of Dream of the Red Chambers where Baoyu takes a nap in Qin Keqing's room (which is scandalous in its own right) and is transported to Taixu Huanjing, a dream world of goddesses in another dimension. The English translation? Taixu = The Void (note how this corresponds to the Empty, which makes its first appearance in 13x04), Huanjing = Dream World. Baoyu comes upon Jinghuan Xianzi, the goddess in charge of this world, who then takes him into a library called Bo Ming Si-- the Office of Unlucky Women-- and shows him books containing the fates of all the women in his family.

Does this sound familiar? Because it should. Here's a screenshot of Bo Ming Si from the 2010 adaptation:

A screenshot of Jinghuan Xianzi leading Baoyu through Bo Ming SI:

A screenshot of how the books are kept:

Now let's take a look at Death's library (pics from Superwiki):

Look at how the books are stacked in both shows. The reason they're stacked horizontally in Dream of a Red Chamber is that Chinese books tend to be very soft. The reason they're stacked horizontally in SPN is???

But that's just a coincidence, you might say. But Dabb doesn't just stop there. He borrows symbols, motifs, character relationships, family conflicts, and more from Dream of a Red Chamber-- he even borrows the structure. I'll talk about the structure and the motifs in another post-- today I'm here to talk about Dean.

Readers familiar with Dream of a Red Chamber might ask at this point-- is Dean Baoyu? No. (I'll talk about Cas, Jack, and Baoyu in a separate post.) So who is Dean?

Billie tells Dean that "every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how [he] die[s]." Let's see what Jinghuan Xianzi tells Baoyu-- he's shown three volumes titled "The Twelve Beauties of Jinling." The main volume records the ladies of his household, the second volume records the concubines, and the last volume records the maids.

Dean gets multiple notebooks because he's a combination of multiple characters from the first volume-- he starts off as Qin Keqing, who has multiple identities in the book, despite dying within the first thirteen chapters. Who is Qin Keqing? She is:

- the younger sister of Jinghuan Xianzi.

- the one who teaches Baoyu the matters of love in the dream world. She is his sexual awakening, and even though she doesn't do anything more scandalous than let Baoyu sleep on her bed in the human world, her brother is Baoyu's introduction to gay sex.

- the wife of the first and only son of the legal wife of the older branch of the Jia family. In other words, she's the wife of the future head of the household.

- there are theories that she may be the daughter of a prince who lost power, but I doubt those count for much here.

- she "dies from illness" but according to the "The Twelve Beauties of Jinling," she hangs herself after everyone learns that her father-in-law raped her.

- her death signals the beginning of the end of the four major families; her funeral is far too lavish, as is her coffin (it's made from wood that was originally reserved for a prince's funeral), and it's hinted that this is the beginning of the end of the Jia family, because they've reached above their station.

Now let's see how this matches up with Dean. We know that he:

- has played the reaper and has a special connection with Death.

- teaches Jack about romantic love in 14x06.

- is the head of the household.

- is possessed by Michael at the end of S13, an experience that's coded as rape, and is suicidal for most of S14 as a result. He then brings back a special coffin, which later causes Jack to lose control, which marks the beginning of the end for the Winchesters. Of course, the coffin scene references other media too. Angel comes to mind.

Now let's talk about Qin Keqing's best friend, Wang Xifeng. I'm not implying that Dean is anything like Wang Xifeng (although a case can be made that her panci might have influenced Dean and Cas's storyline, but that's a separate post). I bring up Wang Xifeng purely because I want to compare Dean to Lady Wang, Wang Xifeng's aunt and Baoyu's mother. If you're a Dean stan who's read Dream of the Red Chambers, you're probably livid right now. But think of it this way-- Lady Wang is a victim of patriarchal feudalism, and while Dean isn't a woman living under this sort of oppression, Dabb alludes to a similar power structure, and there's a reason why there are so many posts comparing Dean to the Eldest Daughter.

Late season SPN is where Dabb explores female-centric themes in a male centric show. Yes, I find this absurd too, but that's the choice he made. It's why Amara exists. It's why he brought back Mary. It's why S12-15 is extremely domestic. And it's why he covers a range of female experiences through Dean.

Let me go back to Qin Keqing. If she hadn't died, she would have been in charge of running the household, and she would have done an excellent job. But would she have been happy?

No.

The only other woman who matches Qin Keqing's talents is Wang Xifeng, and she dies relatively young. If she'd lived-- would she have turned into her aunt? Lady Wang is described as "wooden," but we know from Grandma Liu that before she married into the Jia family, she had a fiery personality, just like Wang Xifeng. Marriage turned her bitter. Indeed, Baoyu remarked that marriage turned women from pearls into dead fish eyes. And even though Dean isn't married, the role he plays in his family and his conflicts with Cas (and his resulting dislike of Jack) are very similar to the problems the legal wife of a wealthy man in ancient China would face. Or rather-- they're very similar to the problems the wife of a wealthy man/noblesman in a patriarchal feudalistic society would face. He probably would have identified with Catelyn Stark in GOT.

I'll probably write another post exploring how Red Chamber influenced the intra family conflicts in SPN, but before I do that, I want to talk about one more thing: Qin Keqing's nickname is Jian Mei, which means Both Beauties; she's considered to share both Daiyu and Baochai's beauty. Am I saying that there are shades of both Daiyu and Baochai in Dean's late season characterization? Yes. Dabb leans toward Daiyu = Dean and Baochai = Sam, although he plays with Baochai = Eileen too. Let me give you the shorthand for what these women stand for.

Daiyu = rebellious, bucks societal conventions, dies from a broken heart when Baoyu is tricked into marrying Baochai.

Baochai = obedient, adheres to societal conventions and thus the patriarchy, marries Baoyu but is then cast away because Baoyu decides to become a monk.

Tomorrow, I'll go into greater detail on how Baoyu, Daiyu, and Baochai appear through Cas, Dean, Sam, Jack, and Eileen, and how these choices tie into the finale.

#spn meta #dean winchester

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spideywars · 7 years

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prompt- a highschool AU where people judge harry as a bad boy even though he isn't but he doesn't correct people, he has only 2 bffs (liam and zayn) and cue niall and louis and their pranks they pull and running in the hallway laughing really hard, until one day while running, niall bumps into harry and bang their heads together and please don't make them shy or a stuttering mess. THANK YOU X

Don’t know if I like this, and it might be longer than I want but I wanted to give you guys something today.

~~~

Harry didn’t have piercings, they looked painful just staring at them, like when Zayn first got his nose pierced he had cringed and almost squealed when Zayn gave it a careless tug saying it didn’t hurt. But he did have a collection of tattoos, all pretty patterns along his arms, chest, and even some he managed to get on his legs.

That was all though, the tattoos. But apparently everyone thought he was a bad boy. Liam and Zayn both had more tattoos than he did, both going on their skateboards and smoking in front of the school before class. It wasn’t fair really, that girls swooned over them but looked at Harry as if he’d bite their heads off.

“It’s probably your resting bitch face.” Liam had suggested when Harry had asked them if they thought the rumours were true that he was the school ‘bad boy’ and ’rule breaker.’

“Resting bitch what?” He had asked, almost choking on the soda he was drinking as they sat in the skate park. Zayn was puffing out his smoke while slowly rolling along the sidewalks with his board, looking uninterested with their conversation.

“You just look angry all the time, you walk around with no expression most of the time, and you don’t usually talk to anyone else but me and Zi.” Liam sounded like he was trying to be cautious talking with Harry, as if he was walking around egg shells. This wasn’t that sensitive of a topic, and Harry couldn’t help but scoff.

“Zayn doesn’t talk to anyone else but us too! This lad has a girlfriend and still gets girls begging on their knees for him to take them out.” Harry pointed an accusing finger at Zayn, who stopped his lazy rolling on his skateboard to give him a raised brow.

“It’s probably cause I am in the art program, girls dig artsy guys mate.” Zayn was back to pushing at his board, slowly moving past them with the cigarette back in his mouth. Harry gave him a glare, making Zayn abruptly stop to stare at him in annoyance.

“Sorry, and guys…you like girls and guys, forgot.” Harry never wants to be annoying or pushy, but he’s told Liam and Zayn a thousand times since their second year of high school that he was bisexual, they still weren’t so sure about it, tip-toeing around him and worrying they’d insult him every time they talked.

They’re getting better though, asking him who he likes and dislikes, listening carefully to his rants on the homophobes in the school. Zayn was usually the forgetful one, and it wasn’t a horrible thing, they have known each other since grade five and it’s only been recent that Harry has openly talked about his sexuality.

“Doesn’t matter who I like, probably won’t get a boyfriend or girlfriend with the way everyone hates me.” He shoved his head into his hands, staring down at his dirty converse with a pout on his lips.

He felt a slap on his shoulder, Liam’s hand giving him an encouraging squeeze before letting go. “You’ll find someone, it’s our last year of high school so after that you won’t have to see anyone again.”

There is so many more students in this god damn school that are worse than he is. Harry is anti-social and apparently has something called the ‘resting bitch face’ and all of a sudden that means he’s the baddest boy in the building,

There’s guys like Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan who tear up the school with graffiti at night, then go around shoving toilet paper in the toilets so they overflow, pulling kids pants down as they walk by, stealing the boys gym classes clothes so when they come back to the change rooms they have nothing. They are ruthless with their pranks, Louis being the mastermind of it all and that’s pretty obvious by the way he’d have that snake-like smile come across his face whenever the people who caught them would tell them off.

But they were just seen as silly hooligans who made the school years a little more eventful and fun. It boiled Harry’s blood.

“Lou, fuck Lou slow down!” It was Niall’s voice, speak of the devil. Harry could hear them from where he was standing at his locker, grabbing for his binders and ready to leave since he had a spare for his last period. He felt something whiz past him, the squeak of sneakers hitting the polished flooring was loud and fast, quickly fading till whoever it was turned the corner.

Harry had just closed the locker door, ready to get the hell out before he’d have to witness one of their unfunny pranks again when he felt something collide with him so hard his body spun, back hitting the lockers harshly with his binder flying across the hallway.

That wasn’t as bad as whoever hit him, the person was like a blur in front of Harry as they hit the ground hard, slapping against the floor and a cracking sound echoing down the empty halls.

“Oh fuck, sorry!” It was Niall, now that Harry refocused after the shock of it all. The boy was still sprawled out on the floor but slowly was picking himself up, looking out of breath.

“Watch where you’re going ya?” Harry growled out, but forced his anger deep back down into him when he saw Niall staring down at his broken glasses, the lens was popped out and the arms of them were snapped off and laying a few feet away.

“Shit, can you see without those?” Harry knew Niall needed glasses, the smaller brunet would wear them around more frequently this year, and it soon became a daily thing. Not that Harry paid that much attention to Niall he just…was a good observer.

“Uh…yeah I’ll uh, I’ll be fine.” Once Niall got a good look at Harry, he all of a sudden looked nervous and scared. It made Harry’s heart sink, knowing that he was probably worried he’d punch him out. With rumours going around that Harry was the bad boy of the school, stories came with them on how he was in a gang, beat people up for money, had been to jail for six months…all stupid shit that ruined his reputation more and more.

“Look are you sure you’re okay, you hit the ground pretty hard.” When Niall had straightened himself out, now holding the shrapnel of his glasses, Harry felt like he needed to prove he wasn’t a bad person to at least one guy at this school. Niall would probably make up some story that he pushed him down, people around here would eat that right up.

“I’m sure, thank you though Harry.” Niall gave him a genuine smile, and it made Harry’s stomach do backflips.

Ever since that day, Niall’s face became more familiar to Harry. He didn’t know why, but they’d see each other in the hallway and give each other matching smiles, almost like the encounter they had was a secret between them.

Harry used to hate him, thought Niall was just as obnoxious as Louis was, but look at him now, falling in love.

It was probably because of how Niall acted around Harry, he wasn’t scared as soon as he asked if he was okay, almost like a switch turning on in his head and a little voice telling him 'hey, this Harry guy isn’t as bad as they say he is.’

But was Niall even gay? Did he even want to be friends with him or just a person he smiled at from time to time in the hallways as they passed each other? It was the root to Harry’s thoughts these past couple weeks, and it was starting to show by the way he’d notice Liam and Zayn exchanging glances whenever he’d stare off into space or look at Niall for too long during lunch with a frown across his face.

Today was apparently going to answer all Harry’s questions, because as he sat alone waiting for Liam and Zayn to show up, Niall came walking up the bleachers steps with that same sparkling smile across his face.

He didn’t say anything, and neither did Harry, it was a weird silence as they just stared at each other. Harry had to break the eye contact a few seconds later, occupying himself by squinting down towards the football field as the schools team did their warmups.

“I think I’ve come to a conclusion,” Niall finally spoke, pausing slightly to make sure Harry was paying attention. “It’s that you aren’t the bad boy people say you are.”

He hit the nail right on the head, just like that. Harry couldn’t help but chuckle, surprised at Niall’s answer and now an amused smile appeared across his face.

“What makes you think that?” He played it cool, leaning back against the bleachers, not ready to give Niall the satisfaction that he was more than right.

“Cause when I shoved into you, you definitely didn’t show off your bad behaviour that people say you had.” Niall shrugged as if it was nothing, now shuffling a little closer to Harry. “Everyone has told me some crazy stories about you, but I’d rather have the real Harry tell me about himself then some rumours.”

It felt like Harry’s heart had stopped and his mind had just shut down for a second because he’s never felt this much love for a human being before. This boy barely knew him and after one encounter he was now standing here striving to become his friend.

“Well I wasn’t planning on doing anything right now so if you wanna chill for a bit…” Harry trailed off, his confidence not really at it’s full level yet. But Niall looked to be happy with his offer, eagerly plopping himself down onto the seat beside him and shuffling so they were hip to hip.

And after that, they had talked for a good hour, the sound of the football team packing up their stuff and getting ready to go home was the only thing that snapped them out of their conversation. Harry could see Louis on the field rushing off after he pulled his jersey over his head and then disappearing into the change rooms.

“Lou probably wants me to come down and meet him by the car, but the team is having a game tomorrow and you should come. I’d love to have some company.” Niall stood and Harry did too, them both grabbing at their bags and heading down the bleacher steps. It was just them now, the field empty except for a lone ball that someone forgot to pick up.

Harry was ready to say his last goodbyes and plan his day tomorrow even before it would start when he was suddenly tugged into a smothering kiss, making his gasp get muffled by their clashing lips

Niall made them part a second later, but kept himself close and lips near Harry’s ear as he whispered into it. “Liam and Zayn kinda ratted you out and said you liked me so, I hope you didn’t mind that.”

He walked away right after saying that, giving Harry a wink over his shoulder before he turned into the change rooms. That was probably why Liam and Zayn didn’t show up to meet with him, and he felt absolutely no anger towards his friends as he made his way to his car.

He’d probably thank them, actually.

#id like to know if you guys liked this or not #narry #narry fluff #narry fanfiction #narry storan #niall horan #harry styles #fics

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ardalionandnatalia · 7 years

Conversation

Ardalion and Natalia (X)

Katya is awakening now.

Katya just had a dream about the first time she and Kuzma came together.

She blinks as she wakes up and realizes she is not with Kuzma any longer.

Having entered the temple with her bundles of sheaves, herbs and flowers, Natalia is led to bathe and purify herself. She does so, and then seeks Katya in the woman's assigned chambers.

She sighs, feeling cold and sad as she remembered what had happened to her.

Had she really died, though, she wondered? She did not recall dying. She had only assumed she was dead after talking to Sam and the others.

She see Katya sleeping, now stirring. She kneels down beside her bedside and awaits for her to wake fully.

Katya: Natalia?

Folding her hands in her lap, Natalia poses still. Hearing her name uttered, she raises slightly, nearing Katya now, over her bed.

Natalia: Are you awake now? *gently draws back the covers and helps Katya sit up in bed*

Katya: yes, I am fine. Thank you for attending to me. What will happen next?

Natalia: *bows head in respectful deference, since Iole tasked her with serving Katya and preparing her for tomorrow* Iole and the other oracles are in the midst of final preparations and prayers to appeal for the forecast tomorrow. Iole has asked me to guide you through the final preparations you and I must undergo, since I am to be your companion when we traverse down into the inner core of the temple, beneath the ground. Today, you must be dressed and taught how to offer offerings to ensure you are answered.

Katya: I see. Thank you for guiding me. Are we heading out now to the core of the temple?

Natalia: No, not yet- we need to dress and prepare our garments before we are summoned by the oracles. It's not tomorrow yet. We have many things to do today. *offers Katya her hand, though wonders if Katya will be alarmed by her own boniness and claws. Ardalion's words still gnaw on her about bodies and such.*

Katya does not seem phased and takes her hand.

She is careful not to touch the claws, but does not seem to really care.

Natalia notices that Katya's forearms have some small scars on them from the years of working at the factory.

Surprised by her acceptance, Natalia glances down at their hands, and in the growing light of the sunlight shafting through, she notices the fine, pale scars lining and splotching Katya's arms. Natalia realizes Katya has lived a hard live and is determined to make this new life easier for her. She feels a swell of sympathy for the composed woman before her.*

Katya looks at her curiously, but does not indicate any other emotions otherwise.

Katya: You seem to be very curious about me.

Natalia: Let's go to the outer hall- we have better lighting, and we can prepare our garments and headdresses for tomorrow. I'll show you yours, as I'll be making it for you. Yes, you do elicit my curiosity- you're from another land, another people. I'm curious, especially since you are from the future, at least to me. You're two centuries beyond me. Come, let's go to the outer hall. The sun shining and there's a nice breeze.

Katya: Ardalion is also from my time and my country. I see you have been talking to him a lot. How do you find him...?

Natalia: I found him, along with another man, a man from England, who disappeared. Ardalion developed an altered form with powers, and we slain a trio of monsters together. He is a vain creature, fueled by the basest. I dislike him now and do not wish to speak to him. He is amusing with his ideas, he fancies himself some sort of philsopher, but he is like some upstart who thinks they're another Descartes or Prometheus because they read a few books or get promoted in their trades.

Katya: ...I see.

Katya bows her head.

Katya: You dislike Ardalion?

Natalia: I do- what of it? Let's focus on you and your goal here. Enough talk of him. Or the men here.

Katya: I don't truly dislike him. I still like him somewhat, to be honest. He is a charming man. My goal here is to see the vision to see my husband again, right? Well, this is related. My husband and Ardalion actually share my traits in common. Perhaps this is why I can't dislike Ardalion entirely, still, after all that has happened.

Natalia: Charming? I suppose he can be. But he's a lewd brute as well. Let's focus on your husband. And your baby.

I know what you mean, though. About not hating someone entirely. I and my mother... well.... it is complicated. She and I were as complex at the Gordian knot. And it seems we tied that knot between ourselves, equally at fault.

Katya's mouth tightens.

Katya: Indeed, things can be like that sometimes. Shall we progress with the ritual now? One more thing. Lewdness is not necessarily a bad thing. Or perhaps I'm wording it wrongfully.

Katya frowns.

Katya: I'm not good at expressing myself sometimes. I wasn't that well educated, unlike Ardalion and my husband.

Natalia: *nods, and leads Katya to a low-legged table, laden with a cloth, on top of which are bundles of herbs and fresh flowers, plus ripened wheat sheaves and fresh, supple sprigs* Education can only do so much- I too am educated, yet I fail at being gentle and kind. It's hard for me to make friends or be liked.

Katya: Emotional expression plays a large role in getting people to like you.

Natalia: It's better to be a better person, than have all the education in the world. Better to be enlightened, than scholarly.

Katya: There is nothing wrong with being scholarly though. *she frowns, hating herself for being a peasant*

Natalia: Yes, you are right. And I have a bad temper, as you might see in the future, Katya. You should be warned.

Katya: Enlightenment doesn't always come to the blind who have blind faith.

Natalia: Scholars can solve problems, but never themselves.

Katya: one must learn about the world with open eyes and not rely on blind faith as the uneducated are wont to do. My husband is a scholar.

Natalia: Perhaps. Enlightenment is a choice. Arrogance can barricade a person from choosing enlightenment. It demands humility at times. Then he is fortunate to have you, then.

Katya: and ignorance often means succumbing to drunkenness and abuse. I've seen it all.

Natalia: I lived among the educated- drunkenness and abuse are in all people.

Katya: You and I are from different cultures, different times. Where you come from, it seems like the women, in particular, act very differently. The way you talk about your mother...

Natalia: My mother, despite being the most educated and refined lady of the highest breeding, was a cruel soul. She was violent, too. She killed my father when he became blind after an accident.

Katya: It is not common where I come from for a woman to act like that.

Katya bites her lip again.

Natalia: Let's forget the past, and focus on what's before us. You want to see your husband and child again, do you not?

Katya: Yes.

Natalia: I am fortunate fate gave me another mother in Iole, though I respect her enough not to call her so.

Katya: I don't need a mother.

Natalia: Let me show your headdress, it's different from mine and the others.

Katya: I am glad you have found one though.

Natalia: But I do. So let's focus on our task at hand.

Katya: You like to talk back a lot, don't you?

Her tone is not angry or reproachful, merely curious. She's never talked with someone who replies like this before.

Natalia: Yes. What of it? Does it displease you that I do?

Katya: Most people I know would have just ended the conversation just then. No, it's just peculiar. And makes me wonder if I have angered you with my different opinions. I personally don't like talking back, so maybe that is why I thought for a while you were angry at me.

Natalia: *softens and lowers sharpened guard down* We are different, for sure, Katya. I hope I have not angered you, or given you offense. *grows thoughtful* I guess I talk back because I felt a need to talk back. Like if I didn't talk back, I'd have no power, and others could demean me, or overpower me. I like to voice what I think and feel, because for so long, I was forbidden to do so. Why do you dislike talking back? You are shy, I think?

Katya looks away.

Katya: I want to avoid conflict at all means. I don't mean to disturb you. Let's just go back to the task at hand.

Natalia: You should not be afraid, now that you're in this new world. You don't have to worry about the conflict being bold would have had in your life and world. *picks up the sheaves and supple, green sprigs to make Katya's headdress*

Katya doesn't respond. She doesn't quite appreciate Natalia lecturing her, however, and thinks that people should just agree to disagree. She dislikes the idea of talking back just for the sake of it, particularly to a stranger like Natalia.

Katya: Thank you for helping me out again.

Katya: *to herself* I'm bold in my own way. Who does this person think she is, lecturing me? She doesn't know anything about me and assumed I was even shy. If I wasn't bold, how would I not have made the connections I did with Galkin? I would not have gotten close to Kuzma if I was not bold, either. It took guts for me to find and approach him again, for me to start our relationship!

Natalia: *glances at Katya sideways and senses her inner annoyance. Natalia regrets her brash assumptions and how she paraded them before Katya. She attempts to reconcile*

Natalia: You

Katya thinks she'll never see Natalia again anyways, so what is the point of thinking so much about this?

Katya doesn't say anything and stares straight ahead.

Katya: Is something the matter?

Natalia: You're irked by what I said, are you not? I'm sorry. I assumed too much. In truth, I do not know you, so I can't understand you entirely, and what you do, and how you act.

Natalia: Forgive me.

Katya: I am not angry with you. Please proceed.

Katya closes her eyes, hiding a dismissive look away from Natalia.

Katya: *to herself* and this is why I usually don't have female friends. They assume too much and they think they can tell you all of these things on a first meeting.

Katya thinks it's a great irony that she was thrown into this mostly female world and the only two males here are Ardalion and Sam of all people.

Natalia: *opens her mouth as though she desires to pursues this matter further, but seeing Katya's dismissive look, feels piqued and meek. Hangs her head slightly, wanting to withdraw a bit. She has driven away yet another, and she regrets it was a newcomer as Katya is.*

Katya has not really given Natalia much thought as she thinks about Sam and how humorous he is.

Natalia: No, we have to prepare here. *grows a bit pensive. She senses Katya dislikes her company.* *bites her lip down, not wanting to fail Iole and vex Katya any further*

Katya: What do we do to prepare?

Natalia: *begins picking up the sheaves and sprigs, now bending the supple, tender sprigs into a U-shape, like a crown of sorts* We first need to make your headdress. Because you're a wife and mother, your headdress must be fashioned with ripened sheaves of wheat and corn, to symbolize your fruitfulness in life as a wife and mother. *holds up a golden sheave as she explains, the fine bristled head of the sheave glimmers slightly in the sunlight*

Katya: What if I was only a wife and not a mother? Then what?

Natalia: *places down Katya's designated headdress and picks up several flowers* Then your headdress would be of these- these flowers symbolize the woman before motherhood and marriage- she has not lived long into life, so she is like a flower.

Natalia: It's the same if you're wife and not a mother.

Katya: I see.

Natalia: But you're both, you're a wife and a mother.

Katya looks at Natalia for a while and is tempted to ask if she was married, but doesn't.

Katya feels that Natalia is indignant about this topic.

Katya: Yes, I am. I didn't know I would be, to be honest. But that's a topic for another day.

Natalia: Mine differs because I was never a wife, nor a mother.

Katya: I see. It is interesting. It must be liberating to never be a wife and mother.

Natalia: Yes, it was for the best. I'm not fit for either role. But let's return to yours. It will look very nice once I'm done.

Katya: especially since you seem very at peace with your choice, and the fact that you long to be mentored by a woman.

Natalia: Liberty only comes to those who can enjoy it despite their lives. I could be free as a mother and wife, or free as a woman on my own. A woman on her own can be just as oppressed.

Katya: Can I help you make the headdress?

Natalia: I'm sorry. I spoke too much. Let's focus on the task at hand, here. Almost finished- yes, please help me*notices her claws are tangled and tied in the delicate threads of the stripped sprig- holds out her hands to Katya to untangle and then re-tie the sheaves to the bent sprig*

Katya untangles and helps her to re-tie.

Katya: I never got along well with women, to be honest. I cannot imagine living here that long. I'm sorry about the comment I made about not wanting a mother when you clearly have alway wanted one. I spoke too soon.

Natalia: *looks thoughtfully at her, pauses for a moment before she speaks*

Katya: I just never felt the need to connect with any woman, to be honest. I've always had difficulties for some reason. I've always felt that women were judgmental, rude, and nitpicking.

Natalia: May I be honest with you, Katya?

Katya: And I admire people with strong goals who climb the social ladder. most women I knew and know are not like that. That is why I always felt the most comfortable with men. What do you want to say?

Natalia: Back in my life, when I lived as a human, I too never sought or even liked the company of women. They all seemed, as you say, just as you say- nitpicking, assumptive, meanly-minded, materialistic, and cruel creatures. All I saw were women like my mother, so many women like her. And my prioresses as well, who were no better than her. I met one girl who was a friend to me, but I lost her. Men were intelligient, they did things, they advance and moved the world in ways women were not allowed in my time. I wanted to join that world. I liked the company of men, like my father, Andrea, Signors Morosini and Di Petro, and even an unusal and unlikely friend in Calafado. I relished their company and took comfort in their understanding and acceptance.

Natalia: Even Calafado was kinder to me than my own mother.

Katya: I see.

Katya sighs and looks away. She was not expecting Natalia's life story.

She feels too tired and overwhelmed to have a proper conversation about these kind of things. She feels a bit guilty she hasn't been very open to talking more to Natalia, though.

Natalia: But I spoke too much now, I'm irritating you. See*holds up the headdress before Katya* It's finished now.

Katya feels that Natalia's personality is somewhat like Liza's--very acidic, critical and overly emotional. This somewhat disturbs her.

Katya decides to smile and take the headdress and forget all of this came up.

Katya: Thank you! This looks wonderful.

Natalia: *gestures for Katya to bow her head so she can crown the piece on her head*

Katya bows her head.

Natalia: *carefully secures the headdress between her ears and weaves a few strands of her light hair to fully latch the piece like a crown*

Katya: I bet this looks great on me. Thank you for your wonderful help, Natalia.

Natalia: Yes, you look fit now. Now for your robes.

Natalia: *ducks into another hall, speaks with another oracle, and is handed two folds of robes, one for herself, one for Katya*

Katya: What will you be doing to my robes?

Natalia: *gestures for her to stand in another hall where the sun is shining the least, so there is shade*

Natalia: We need to dress you now, in these special robes.

Natalia: *lies out Katya's robes on a lit patch of the mosaic floor, a white peplos with a red himation, the red symbolizing her marriage and motherhood*

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