#i cannot believe i have to write this. in 2021. holy fuck what is going on

[x-authorship-x]

HOLY SHIT HI KOTO ANON!!! UR ASKS R LIKE… SUPER COOL. Anyways this ask is unrelated w/ koto-anons ask, i just think they’re cool,,,

anyways, more shiobi brainrot and expanding on my last ask abt kakashi because oh my fucking god, these bitches make me so fucking sad. (also the fucking naruto timeline makes my head hurt so fuck the timeline!)

Ever since he was little, Obito would always make up stories about his team in a fairytale-esk way. For example: “the white wolf who's always a stickler for rules!” and “how he saved a princess!” (this is kinda relevant idk– i wanted to include this part into the confrontation but things just don't work out)

Later on, Obito would die during THE mission– with shisui’s genin team dying within the same month. Shisui was well, inconsolable. That doesn’t help with the fact that the Uchiha clan is now looking at him with those eyes and– obito-nii please. I'm scared. please come back… – and how he’s now treated as a weapon.

Then boom Inoichi and Shisui bonding time. (more like therapy sessions but shhh…)

During this time, Shisui has never seen Kakashi ever since Obito’s death. And with the rumors of Kakashi being well… a friend killer. Uhm. yikes.

Later on in his life, he was well recruited into anbu– he saw like kakashi in his hound mode (kakashi’s inner thoughts: oh god oh fuck– OBITO’S LITTLE BROTHER. IS IN FUCKING ANBU. FUCK. (kakashi’s a mess and i love him)) 

He passes yada yada. Skipping to Kakashi’s and Shisui’s confrontation–

“S–Shisui...?” and just like that, the air within Shisui’s lungs [just evaporates.] He knew that voice– no, he knows that voice. [smth smth about being obito’s teammate)

His mind is clouded with denial, grief, and.. and.. 

… and anger. [so so so much anger boils inside Shisui]. He wanted to yell why Obito died instead of him. He wanted to sob into him knowing that his older brother’s death didn’t go to waste and how he knew he cared way too much about his teammates and and– He wanted to attack Kakashi right there and then because how dare he–!

He… … feels a lot of things about Kakashi and it takes [his entire willpower to not contort his face.] “... I hate you so much,” He blurted with [such venom in his voice]. He knows he shouldn’t let his anger get the better of him– he knows it isn’t kakashi’s fault but… feelings are so so irrational, aren’t they?

Hou– Kakashi [took a step back– no, backpedaled.] and and … fuck.

“I’m… For what it’s worth, I’m.. I’m sorry,” Kakashi said, his voice hitching. “Sorries won’t bring Obito back.” He spat, before walking away from him.

Ok so, i cannot believe i actually wrote that WHOOPS. Is Shisui a bit ooc? Maybe but shh! Anyways! After that, they both tip toed towards each other before they decide to actually get to know each other and bond through the trauma they both went through.

Shisui never knew how Obito truly died just that he knew that Kakashi had Obito’s eyes (and for all that he hated Kakashi, he knew he wasn’t a bloodline thief.) and then boom trauma bonding then boom Shisui died presumeably from suicide. (which uh… not the best move Shisui)

Kakashi just went straight to grieving mode because he lost the last connection to Obito and spent his life devoted to protecting Naruto because he isn’t gonna lose another precious person of his.

This is just a rough idea, my daydreams are wayyy more in depth but i need to get this outta my system lol.

It is currently 11 pm. I think I have a problem with asking during ungodly hours <3 ALSO IF ANYONE ELSE WANNA WRITE ABT THIS… PLS DO. I DON’T HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO WRITE 😭

- N

N-anon 🤝 me, star struck for Koto-anon lmao

This ask is a feat! I'm so impressed, let me try to respond systematically

Fuck the Narutoverse timeline? Fuck the Narutoverse timeline! I spent three days in 2021 trying to make it make sense and then i just gave up and built my own timeline (hence some wonky ages, most notably Shisui) 😅 it was waaaaaay too long for my AO3 A/Ns (not because i thought so, c'mon i don't shut up, but because it literally went over word limit) so...idk if people are interested, I could talk about it more on here???

Honestly the fairytale element just makes me desperately want a fantasy, magical, or even an InkHeart AU 🥺

Honestly, I'm not sure it IS OOC because, let's be honest, Shisui probably has a fair bit of repressed anger and he probably (ironically) would have some feelings about eye implants so writing a scene/fic where Shisui flips his tits at Kakashi just sounds cathartic to me! I can't believe you wrote honest to God dialogue in my askbox, I'm very honoured (genuinely, this takes time) ✨

This sounds like a great wip idea! If it ever hits the page (I'm not sure my askbox counts?) then please link me!

❤️

#torship #torship talks #ask #anon #n-anon #koto-anon #shisui #kakashi #mangekyou shenanigans #one eye shiobi bros #shiobi bros #obito

[forabeatofadrum]

My fic year in review, 2022

I saw @captain-aralias doing this and I thought “hey, this is fun!”. So cool that you (aralias, you are the you here) do this every year.

Fics I wrote:

Learn to let go (929, T, CrisTales)

A rip in time (68K, T, Doctor Who Universe)

Zimbits April Updates (2.7K; T; Check, Please!)

che col tuo lume mi levasti (63K, T, Simon Snow Series)

At last (801, G, Glee)

e pare stella che tramuti loco (29K, T, Simon Snow Series)

Wielded by the righteous (2K, G, Simon Snow Series)

The Naked Truth (15K, T, Simon Snow Series)

Call Me Maybe (12K, T, Simon Snow Series, with @captain-aralias)

Barking Up The Wrong Bakery (8.7K, T, Glee)

These numbers could be lucky for you (402, G, Glee)

Then maybe time would not erase me (2.7K, G, Julie and the Phantoms)

Thinkin' about us (377, G, Our Flag Means Death)

All I needed for another day (768; G; Love, Victor)

Ebb & Flow (29K, G, Glee)

Dalton 8 Days of Pride (2.8K, G, Dalton)

Dalton 8 Days of Wrath (WIP, T, Dalton)

I can't believe it IS butter (1.111, G, Simon Snow Series)

Time After Time (18K, T, Simon Snow Series)

The Moon fic (49, G, Glee)

Stage Fright (12K, T, Glee, with all the authors of the @gleefrankenfic)

aap noot mies (8K, G, Glee)

A Grimm Christmas (5K, G, Simon Snow Series)

So Much Better (12K, T, Glee)

There's nothing ironic about show choir (14K, T, Simon Snow Series)

Ljubim te (WIP, T, Glee)

Holy moly. This is... more than I thought. I also just found out that you can filter your statistics page by year, so I don’t have to grab my calculator. AO3 tells me I published 319,614 words this year! “Published”, because I have a lot of unfinished WIPs that I wrote for. Meanwhile, Paradiso 2 was written in 2021 and part of Paradiso 3 as well. I’ve been writing A rip in time since 2017 and also I wrote the beginnings of the alien!Blaine fic and Time After Time in 2018 and 2021.

All Glee fics are about Klaine. Almost all Simon Snow fics are about Snowbaz, with Call Me Maybe as the exception. That is a gen fic. Same goes for the Love, Victor one, the JATP one and the CrisTales one. The Dalton ones are multiships. The other two ships I wrote for are Zimbits (OMGCP) and Gentlebeard (OFMD).

Some questions under the cut. Aralias, these questions are really good.

Best/worst title?

The best titles are Time After Time, The Naked Truth and A Grimm Christmas in my opinion, and I cannot take credit for those. Christina @facewithoutheart came with Time After Time (my working title was “damn Baz, you live like this?”), Pati @aristocratic-otter came up with The Naked Truth and Jas @aroace-genderfluid-sheep came up with A Grimm Christmas.

If I gotta pick my own work, it’s I can’t believe it IS butter. Okay, and I kept laughing every time I wrote There’s nothing ironic about show choir, because Rachel’s delivery of that line would play in my head.

The worst is probably Thinkin’ about us. That was definitely a last minute title. I mean, it makes sense to me, but it makes no goddamn sense for this fic. I chose it since it’s the lyrics of Just A Dream (UH UH UH I WAS THINKIN’ ABOUT YOU, THINKIN’ ABOUT ME, THINKIN’ ABOUT US yada yada) which is a huge inside joke in the Dalton Discord, but this fic has absolutely nothing to do with Dalton and its Discord. The fic is about waking up from a dream, hence the shit connection, but yeah... not the best.

Best/worst summary?

I am not the best at writing summaries, mostly because I tend to forget about them until I am ready to post and I’m like “oh SHIT oh FUCK”, so the best? Hmmmm. @cerriddwenluna really helped me out with the aap noot mies and the Ebb & Flow ones. But alas, if I have to pick my own work, I think it’s Time After Time.

Simon Snow dies in the White Chapel, and Baz has to live an immortal life without him. Or so he thinks. Every twenty years, when the Veil lifts, Simon and Baz are able to reunite. Something is keeping Simon from moving on, and Baz doesn’t know if he wants to find out what that is, because it would mean letting go.

And if there’s one thing Baz can not do, it’s letting Simon go.

Simple and straight to the point. It introduces what the fic is about and it also introduces the main source of tension: Baz doesn’t want to let go of Simon. Drama ensues!

Worst:

And finally, the end.

This is from the Zimbits Update fic and it means absolutely nothing. That’s because these Updates fics are collections of drabbles, so each chapter has a summary of its own. But as a result, I always put my own commentary in the summary of the fic as a whole. It makes some sense if you read the series in one go, which is something a lot of people do (and it always brings me joy when I get an AO3 e-mail with kudos and it’s clear that someone went through it all), but on its own it is terrible.

I just refuse to write “I am bad at summaries” in the summaries. I at least gotta commit to the bit 😔✊.

Best/worst first line?

All my first and last lines are very short. I realised most of the fics start with a short line, then a larger line that really kicks of the story.

There seems to be one exception, which is the Bakery fic. That’s why I think that’s the best first line.

There are many decisions that have led Kurt Hummel to this dog bakery, but the biggest one was his decision to move to Los Angeles to become a dog party planner for influencers.

And worst.... Hmmm. Like I said, most of the first lines are very similar: short and not saying a lot. I don’t think the beginnings of my fics are bad, per sé, because all the opening paragraphs are a decent way to start a fic. I’m going with At Last, since that is a missing scene from Glee, so the fic jumps straight into a scene:

“But... But what?” Kurt asks, desperate to make some sense out of this situation.

Best/worst last line?

The best is probably The Naked Truth, once again because that one is longer than 10 words.

I put my pencil on the paper, I look over to Simon who’s already flexing his upper body, and I start to draw.

But yeah, I don’t think of first and last lines, but I think of beginnings and endings in a larger scale, like a paragraph or a chapter. But this one is nice and it also says something about what the fic’s about, unlike other last lines.

I picked the upcoming worst line since I apparently used it twice.

All is well.

Again, my last lines are very short and again it doesn’t mean they’re bad, but sometimes they are. Sometimes it’s clear I was looking for a quick line that felt fitting for any kind of ending. So this is the end of A rip in time and The Moon fic. (And I won’t be surprised if I have used it more).

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Damn, I wrote a lot more than I thought. Over 300.000 words is insane, so yes, definitely more than I thought. I admit I don’t really plan my fics in advance. It’s changed a little bit since I started doing fests (more on that later), but most of the time I just start writing and I see when (or if) it sees the light of day.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Well, I couldn’t have written for Gentlebeard since the show didn’t exist last year, but jk jk. More seriously, I did write for three new fandoms: OFMD, JATP and CrisTales. And I got some returning ones (Dalton and Love, Victor).

The genre that completely threw me off was parenting fic or whatever you want to call it. I never even attempted a serious fic with any of my ships as parents. There have been kid OCs before (like, Julie for Klaine in the Myosotis series, or the unnamed twins for Zimbits in one fic that I can’t fucking remember right now), but I never wanted to do that, mostly because I don’t want kids myself so I never think about it.

And then my little Rosemary Snow happened. Maybe this is cheating, cause I did mention that I wrote part of Paradiso 3 in 2021, but oh MAN. OH MAN. How much love I have for this fictional child. If Simon and Baz are the dads, then I am the fairy godmother (who killed her biological parents oop-). She’s not real and yet I’d die for her. And not only is this a fic with a kid, but also it delves deep into adoption, another topic that I swore I’d never delve into. Alas, here we are.

Oh, and I wrote my first Main Character Death with Time After Time, but Simon is still constantly present in the fic as a Visitor.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Paradiso series. And yes, I know, I wrote all of Paradiso 1 and 2 in 2021 and part of Paradiso 3 in 2021 as well, but I loved it. I had so much fucking fun.

I often say that Paradiso 1 is the amazing eldest child, Paradiso 2 is the awkward middle child and Paradiso 3 is the surprise youngest child. What I mean by this is that Paradiso 1 is probably the best and maybe I should’ve ended it there, but I wanted to continue so badly that I wrote Paradiso 2. Could that fic have been better? Definitely. I think it is quite messy. But I love it nevertheless and it still introduced a lot of cool things. Paradiso 3 was even more unplanned and since it took me on a journey, it was a surprise.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Everyone say “Thank you AO3!”

I usually don’t pay attention to my stats. I have no clue if something is popular because a) most of the time I do not know how many kudos etc. a fic has and b) even if I do have a vague idea of it, I don’t know what constitutes as “popular” in the grand scheme of things. I do sometimes associate one person with a fic and even if that one person was the only one loving it, I’d be happy.

So thank you AO3 for this goddamn great statistics page. Now, I do peek here maybe once a year, just out of curiosity (I think I may have made annual posts about that) and god this page is a godsend for having all the information in one place.

Here are the hits:

Note that a lot of people who read A rip in time read it in the beginning of when I started posting (2018). All the others got posted in 2022 only. Oh, well, Paradiso started posting mid-December 2021, but most of it was posted in 2022.

Kudos:

Same story here. I filtered the results on 2022, but since A rip in time did post in 2022, it is an outlier, like spider georg.

Comments:

Bookmarks:

And here again. If we disregard A rip in time, it seems like Time After Time is the most popular. Damn Baz, you live like this?

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Call Me Maybe. Call Me Maybe! God, @captain-aralias​ already mentioned it, but yes, I totally agree that Call Me Maybe is the most underappreciated. And I know why. It isn’t a shippy fic. It’s a gen fic about Agatha, and Simon and Baz only make a “cameo” in the actual fic.

But I put my heart and soul in this fic. I projected on Agatha like a boss. I even tried to rickroll the fandom!

And this was the only time I was aware of it not being popular. Like I wrote above, I have two reasons that I am usually ignorant of how well my fics are doing. I don’t care. Yes, I’d like people to read my stuff. I always use the cake analogy. If someone spends hours baking a cake and no one eats it, then even when the baking process was fun, it stings. But even then, since I do not actively track my stats and I don’t look at other people’s stats either. I remain blisfully ignorant and I find that very freeing.

But this fic was part of a fest. All the fics of that fest were put together in one AO3 collection. And that made it very easy to see how this fic was not getting the hits that others did. It took a long time before this fic even got 100 hits, while others already had over 400 or so. When it hit 100, I was very emotional. I knew it wasn’t going to be as popular, since this isn’t a Snowbaz fic, but man. There were some huge differences.

Now, honestly, the most important thing to me was that @captain-aralias​ liked it, which she did. I am so happy she liked it. Even her comments in her 2022 review page make me feel warm and fuzzy and happy. But I also wished more people had the chance to like it as well.

I’ve talked about my approach to stats etc. several times with people. There I also said that no matter how true it is that 99% I do not care, there is also the 1%. I think every writer, even “chill” ones like me, is prone to some anxiety or disheartened feelings at one point about stats and Call Me Maybe was my fic for that situation. I just really, really wanted people to read it. I still do. I haven’t checked the stats ever since it hit 100 hits, since that was the milestone I had in mind when I realised Call Me Maybe was falling behind, and it happened, but I wouldn’t mind more people reading it.

Story that could have been better?

Without a doubt, it’s Ebb & Flow. It’s just messy. Even more messy than Paradiso 2. (Not as messy as A rip in time, though, but the whole idea behind A rip in time is that it’s kinda bad anyway, which is why I love it.) (If you love the Doctor Who universe, and mess, A rip in time is the fic for you!).

Or well, at least I think Ebb & Flow is messy. It had a beginning with a lot of info-dumping, a wacky middle where too much was going on, and a good ending that is only that good because I was inspired by another fic. It’s because I had a story to tell, but I also wanted to nerd out about Splatoon 2. Do I regret the nerding out? No, not at all, but it made it a bit messy, especially for people who do not know Splatoon 2 (I did provide a glossary, but still). Besides, the Big Sad of the story is that Burt is dead and I am not sure if I like how I handled the grief. @thnxforknowingme​ told me it’s fine, which was reassuring, but every time I reread Ebb & Flow, I have to stop myself from skipping to the last few chapters cause that’s the good stuff.

Sexiest story?

Gotta pass. Would you believe it when I say T-rated The Naked Truth is the most steamy I ever wrote? All because they were undressing each other! (Well, okay, look, Simon was naked for a lot of the fic but in relation to his relation with Baz, it’s only a scene where they start to take off to undress). I used the word dick for the first time! Wooooh!

Although I think an upcoming chapter of Ljubim te might surpass it. Not too big. I don’t think I’ll ever write E (or M. I gotta see how it goes with Ljubim te.)

Saddest story?

Time After Time. I mean, it’s MCD. I made people cry! Even though Simon is still constantly in the fic, he’s Capital D Dead as in No Amount of Magic Can Bring Simon Back kind of dead.

And on a personal note, Paradiso 3 was incredibly emotional for me, as an adopted person, to write.

Most fun?

Probably I can’t believe it IS butter. I want to write more of the Butter Saga, where Simon marvels over all the forms of butter!

Just... the image of Simon carrying butter packets with him everywhere, so that he can gnaw on them. I love this guy. I kept laughing throughout the entire writing process and I loved that I got to share it with the CO Discord, since the idea came from there.

Oh, and as a Glee fan, I absolutely loved There’s nothing ironic about show choir. I really tried to capture the crazy Glee dramatics for this fic and Simon and Baz’s feud. Ruta and Vitis forever!

Story with single sweetest moment?

Not to toot my own horn, but I am obsessed with this line from The Naked Truth:

Again, there’s so much laughter.

Is this what love is like? Endless exuberant laughter? I revel in the sound of his joy.

I mean, pretty swell for an aroace gal.

And I also got the comment that Time After Time is utterly romantic in its own way, and I have to agree, even though Simon is super dead.

Hardest story to write?

Ebb & Flow. It’s the unfortunate truth that I hated writing this fic. I complained constantly about it here and on The Lima Bean Discord. I don’t want to put it so crassly (”I hated writing that!”), because it was a fest so I wasn’t the only person involved, but it’s just what happened. I loved the prompt. I fucking ADORE the art that was created for it, but the writing.... Oh honey.

I got stuck a lot. Getting stuck isn’t new, but this was my first fest and it was nerve wrecking. I’ll get more into that later. But this led to this extra pressure and that only made the existing bad feelings even worse. Basically, when I ended it, I was so fucking done I couldn’t look at it, since it just made me anxious. I normally write and then polish my work before posting, but here I didn’t want to dwell on this fic. The day before posting day, I finally opened the document after 2 weeks (I think?) to do some final edits and that was it.

This also goes back to the whole “story that could have been better” answer. Is Ebb & Flow truly that messy, or am I just projecting my negative feelings on it? I did talk with some others about how I started to like Ebb & Flow after I got positive feedback, and how that also motivates me to comment more. The comments I got on that fic make my day and I admit I am surprised every time I get a positive one. Not that I expected negative ones, but I don’t know... I just didn’t like it.

I do now. Don’t get me wrong. I like Ebb & Flow since the people in this fandom really lifted me up, but I still think it could’ve been better. But I like it. It’s on my mind a lot, mostly because I am listening to a lot of Splatoon music and of course, Splatoon 3 has been released. Hmmm, maybe I’ll write that sequel one day (*wink wink nudge nudge* @cerriddwenluna​).

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Barking Up The Wrong Bakery. I actually wrote Bakery fic to counter all the bad feelings that arose while writing Ebb & Flow. Instead of polishing up Ebb & Flow, as I should’ve done, I went head first into Bakery fic.

I even made a meme about it:

It was just so much fun. The whole idea of this fic was letting go of trying too hard and it was so worth it. And I had Cooper as a cartoon villain of sorts. I have more to say about it later, but crack is very relaxing to write.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Call Me Maybe definitely was a huge thing. I had written an Agatha saga in 2021, but I still think Call Me Maybe was the first time I gave Agatha the love she needs. And, yes, yes, projection on characters. You know how it is.

After Wayward Son, I was really rooting for aroace Agatha. So much that after I first finished AWTWB I was clinging onto the fact that Niamh wasn’t mentioned in the epilogue. As in “yes, yes, they kissed in the book but that doesn’t mean they actually end up together, Agatha can still realise this isn’t what she wants either!”. I came around because I too am obsessed with Niamh. If I weren’t aroace and if Niamh Brody weren’t fictional I’d also ask her hand in marriage. If Agga doesn’t want her, then I want her!

So yeah. Niamh Brody, amirite?

But still, I liked the idea of exploring the big What If. Originally, Call Me Maybe started out as Agatha realising she likes girls since she gets a crush on Penelope. @captain-aralias​ already wrote in the original CO WIP Adoption Fest fic that she was also fine with it being a friendship fic between Agga and Penny. I shifted the crush part from Penny to Ginger. I tried that for a while, which is why the beginning of what I’ve written is more about Agga having Feelings and Thoughts when she’s around Ginger.

But I suppose Ginger isn’t Niamh. I realised I wasn’t vibing with it at all. I already have issues with writing characters who fall in love because my aroace ass has no clue what that is. So I messaged Aralias again to tell her it was going to be an aroace!Agatha fic and I realised that I could use the Feelings and Thoughts from the beginning for that reason as well. Yes, she has Feelings and Thoughts about Ginger, but it’s not romantic and that bothers Agga, because she doesn’t know why she can’t just fall for her. As a result, I had to let go of the more flirty playful Agatha from AWTWB, but I worked out. So maybe it wasn’t a change in perspective, since I already had aroace!Agatha in mind after WS, but more a “coming back to that perspective”, after AWTWB changed it up.

Most overdue story?

A rip in time. I mean, I started writing it in 2017 and I started posting it in 2018. I felt incredibly empty when I finally finished it, but it was time. I knew I wanted to finish it before 13 regenerated, so I did.

God.

What a ride this was, though.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Oh, yes, definitely. There are probably two big risks and one smaller risk.

The smaller one is that I branched out to new fandoms, but honestly, that isn’t super new. I also wrote fic for other fandoms in previous years. It’s just true that Glee/Simon Snow/Check, Please! are my go-to’s, even though I only wrote one Check, Please! fic this year.

The bigger ones are:

1. I participated in collaborative fests and challenges. I have been doing the Klaine Advent since 2015 and I’ve written for some other challenges, but this is the first year I collaborated. Call Me Maybe and Stage Fright are the only ones that I co-wrote, but the other collaborative fests are still collaborative in my eyes, because I wrote other people’s prompts or other people made stuff for the fic. But yeah, I had the 321 Klaine Reverse Bang, and the CO WIP Adoption Fest, and the Glee Frankenfic, and of course the latest Klaine Secret Santa. And oooooh boy, it was nerve wrecking. Not gonna lie there. I usually live by the “I write for me and ME alone” principle, and that obviously does not apply when you’re working with someone else. There have been moments where I was so nervous. I was constantly hoping that the others would like it, especially with So Much Better, because that was a holiday gift! I remember fistbumping the air when I got the news that I could use Legally Blonde for that fic. Sometimes that had negative consequences (yeah, again, Ebb & Flow), but I learnt a lot. I do think I ought to tone it down. I wrote a lot about my girlboss situation, which was basically that I took on too many challenges etc. and that I was girlbossing too close to the sun. I am just genuinely excited and I want to encourage people in the fandom to make more challenges, but woooh, maybe I gotta tone it down.

2. I wrote a surprising amount of cracky fics. Bakery fic, The Moon fic, Thinkin’ about us, Butter fic, aap noot mies, There’s nothing ironic about show choir... Heck, I still have the WIPs Hold on to that feeling and Just Some Guy. I started both this year and those are also cracky. I made Baz a Klainer 12! Check, Please!’s John Johnson is here! I usually write angst and serious stuff, like mental health issues, grief, broken friendships, internalised homophobia, questioning identity etc., so this was a huge departure. Not to say I’ve never written crack. The fic where Jack and Bitty almost adopt a donkey on the Sims 4 is a thing. But I didn’t see it as a genre that I write often enought to say that it’s a genre I write. Man, Bakery fic did me a lot of good, because I had a fucking blast writing all the crack stuff. I kept laughing a lot while writing the stuff and I am happy being also found it cracky. Kissy kissy smooch smooch! BONK!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

Kinda what I wrote above: crack and collabs. I don’t know if there’s one specific story that demonstrates it. None of the collab fics are the cracky fics. Although that being said, I shared a lot about writing the cracky fics, since I obviously didn’t have to keep that a secret until a post date. As a result, I did get fun feedback while writing it. I already made a mushy post a few weeks earlier about how I am so happy that fandom exists and yeah, yeah I am happy it exists.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

please for the love of god let me finish my fucking zimbits fics oh GOD

This is a long post so if you made it to this spot, hi! Since it’s a long post, I wrote some little drafts for each answer and the sentence above is the draft for this one. Because yes, please, let me finish the two Zimbits fics that I’ve been writing since 2019. They aren’t my oldest WIPs, but I want to write Zimbits again because I miss these characters.

I don’t know when I’ll get to it, though. I currently have one WIP on AO3, which is Ljubim te, my Klaine Advent 2022 fic. I don’t feel rushed to finish it. After all, I finished my 2019 Advent fic in October 2020, but I want to finish it. And I really want to wrap up my CO textfic. I got very far into that fic, but then I put it away to focus on the fests and challenges that did have a deadline.

I‘ve also been thinking about bullet point fics/fic where the author just writes it down as “notes”. There are two big AUs that have been on my mind for a while, namely the Sarah Jane Adventures Extended Universe (SJAE, since 2017) and the Glee/Sense8 crossover (since 2020) and since these two are basically a collection of ideas, maybe it’s possible. I’ve never made a bullet point fic/”notebook fic” (no idea if that is an actual term), but I have read them.

Apart from that, I’ll see.

#..... this got LONG #i just have a lot to say #My posts #story extras

[lunarblazes]

hi trafficblr. i cannot believe i have to explain watchers in the year of our lord 2021, but alas, martyn inthelittlewood has thrown a bat at the quietly humming hornets nest that lives in my brain and i’m now mentally unstable. so without further ado, here’s the complete Luna Explains Watchers And Grian’s Relationship To Them In Evo (please be nice to luna he binged grian’s series in like a month over summer break because hyperfixation brain go brrrr and nobody else’s because he’s the worst) HERE WE GO

grian did a series called evolution smp back in 2017, before his entrance onto hermitcraft, with a bunch of other friends of his, including jimmy, martyn, big b, pearl, taurtis, system zee, and nettyplays!

that series introduced the concept of the watchers, angel-like beings who facilitated the portals between versions for the evo smp, because evo was basically like time traveling through updates, from the very first multiplayer functioning update to the end update! i say until the end update, but that’s not where it really ended for most people. that’s where it ended for grian.

grian was the admin and owner of evo smp until around mid 2017, when he left the server due to drifting interest and a feeling that it was taking over his channel. now. this is where the watchers come back into play.

the watchers and grian had. a weird relationship. the watchers enjoyed testing players, giving riddles and gifts and little dungeons for them to find the next version portals and to give them goals. their most explicit goal for most of the series was find the end.

now as you may know. grian is a little shit. and in his evo days, he was even MORE of a little shit!

he had the only mob farm on the server and used it to get frankly insane amounts of gunpowder, and with a little desert locating, he gave himself a nearly unlimited supply of tnt. to give you an idea of how he used this tnt, there was a war between the police and the mafia. netty once said that she feared grian more than both the police AND the LITERAL FUCKING MAFIA. and he wasn’t even INVOLVED IN THE CONFLICT

grian also used clay as the primary building block for his base. that seems minuscule but i promise i’m gonna get back to the watchers it’s important for you to remember the clay,

so the watchers like fucking with players, right? they like testin em. giving them great challenges. making em better people. from what i have just said do you think evo grian would be considered a good person

grian decides to steal clay from the watchers’ temple. clay that was put there explicitly to test who would take it. the next day, he wakes up to obsidian covering every single one of his chests and a statue of an angelic woman in the middle of his base with a sign that instructs him to mine all the clay in the statue and burn it to purge himself of his greed

guess what grian does to the statue! you’ll never guess!

yeah he explodes that shit. oops.

he says EXPLICITLY that he will not listen to the watchers. he considers them bossy and authoritarian and rather than burning the clay he blows up the entire statue with frankly excessive amounts of tnt

SO. we have established that evo grian is a sacrilegious little bitch at this point right (the statue incident is not the only time he does this but it is the most memorable one)? grian’s evo series ends with a dragon fight where all of the players go to the end and are split up to each fight the dragon alone. they all beat the dragon, presumably, but when they step through the portal, they are not greeted by the usual end poem…

instead, the blue and green text at the end are the voices of the watchers, who speak directly to the players— they’ve chosen grian, of all people, to join them in the watcher’s realm, and the poem and series ends with him saying goodbye to his friends and home, a new blood red text entering the changed poem. and that’s all the canon evo stuff! it seriously ends so… suddenly, on grian’s end? jimmy had just pranked him before they set off, one of his buildings in downtown evo was in ruins from the tnt, and he just. vanished entirely. never returned to fix anything ever again.

now, the listeners! i admittedly don’t know much about the listeners, but from what i know, jimmy and martyn piqued their interest. after grian was taken, the players returned to evo, searching for new chunks to call home since the older chunks were becoming increasingly glitchy and corrupted from constant updating. except jimmy. jimmy was plucked up by the listeners and made to do a quest in the abandoned evo world before finally being sent back to the rest of the server, where he and martyn reunited. the listeners appear to be a rebellious faction of the watchers, and knowing what we know now, we know that the listeners were right to tell the evolutionists not to trust the watchers. the listeners warned the evolutionists that the watchers weren’t as peaceful as they seemed, and it seems like they’re right.

“so, luna,” i can hear you saying, because i’m epic as hell and can sense all your lovely questions before they’ve even been asked, “that’s all cool and all, and your nerd shit is crazy, but what’s that mean for last life?”

well!! a few things.

1. martyn is either a listener or still listener-aligned. (you’re more of a… listener.) i think it’s more of a player-patron situation rather than he IS one, just because i think it’d fit better.

2. martyn has been used as a pawn by the watchers to enforce the game and curses they started. they admit to being the ones behind the boogeyman curse (3, 2, 1– all it took) and they had a vendetta against scott because he defied their curse. and scott won. take that bitchass angels haha L

3. the watchers had promised martyn that all of his allies would be safe (impulse, mumbo, jimmy… make it to the end), excepting, notably, grian.

4. oh yeah grian’s straight up not supposed to be in last life and also is a runaway watcher (oh. HIM. he was only meant to watch). so like after evo something happened and he booked it outta there and straight into a death game. or he made the game but went rogue when he decided he didn’t want to go through with it. diversity win???

5. oh boy the watchers are EVIL. we have actual evil watchers now that’s. crazy HDKSFJ in evo they were only presented as calm, angelic beings; it’s only in fanon that they took on that more sinister side, but, well! it’s not just in fanon now i guess!

hopefully this post helped some people! i did my best to stick to canon with the summary. i also went off memory and my own knowledge exclusively, so! if you have any corrections or additions, just rb this post with them and i’ll put them on my blog :^D! happy finale day guys and what the fuck, martyn, if you’re seeing this. this is everything i’ve ever wanted but also i’m devastated how could you.

#last life #last life smp #last life spoilers #inthelittlewood #grian #just gonna keep it to those two since they’re the main two mentioned here #sighs #maintagging this because i think it’ll help out better that way #i’m still so scared of maintagging tho ADJSKFJDK #evolution #okay. alright #i cannot believe i have to write this. in 2021. holy fuck what is going on

[actualbird]

me, scrolling thru ur blog for my daily regularly scheduled serotonin: wow a marluke update! gonna save that for myself as a treat

oh, what’s this ?

HOMESTUCK????

QUADRANTS?????

AND NOW YOU GOT ME THINKING ABOUT IF LUKE MIGHTVE PROJECTED A LITTTTLE TOO HARD ON HOMESTUCK CHARACTERS. WE KNOW HE WAS A SHERLOCK STAN, WHAT IF HE DOWNLOADED TUMBLR, DISCORD, ETC?

AND BY THAT SAME VEIN MARIUS IS PROBABLY OLD ENOUGH TO START HAVING UNADVISABLE FREE INTERNET ACCESS.

what if vyn and artem had tumblr blogs

look what you’ve done to me i’m in sheer pain

-🤡

HELLO, CLOWN!!! i cant remember if youve messaged before with this designated emoji but the clown after This Whole Ask made me cackle. i honk my clown nose along with you.

man, i KNOW luke was into fandoms. i KNOW he has discord, in fact i have an entire fic draft that has this whole fucking premise, it's titled "→ lukeonthebrightside just slid into the server."

lemme get the rest of it, heres the summary without any scene excerpts:

The year is 2021. Luke Pearce, fifteen years old, is told by the school guidance counselor that he needs more friends. Too shy to interact with his non-Ria classmates, he ends up going online and joining an ACD Sherlock Holmes fandom Discord server.

heres a scene i managed to scribble before i made 85 more tot wips:

thegeekery You can’t be serious. Please tell me you’re not serious. You Cannot be 15 years old, holy shit. How are you 15 years old and in a server for Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock fans. The books. You're messing with us, you are not 15. lukeonthebrightside ? why would i lie about being fifteen? thegeekery To give us an ulcer, like you usually do? I mean this in the most loving way possible, btw. WaffleTime YEAH LMAO, TO PUNK US? it’s not out of character for u lol lukeonthebrightside [attachment.png] thegeekery Uh. WaffleTime BOY??? IS THAT YOUR FUCKING BIRTH CERTIFICATE???? OH MY GOD thegeekery Okay, no, hold up, real talk Luke, you should not. Be sending stuff like this. To a server full of strangers. Actually, can we get a @mod in here? I don’t think I have the EQ to handle this very well. lukeonthebrightside huh why did i do something wrong thegeekery Luke, that has your address on it. jeeperscreepers Give me a moment, I’m backreading. Oh, geez. Hm. lukeonthebrightside meet me in DMs please. WaffleTime ohhhhh somebodys in TROUBLEEEEEE

i got super emo about this wip actually, i wanna go back to it because i wanna explore luke's younger days before super spy training and terminal illness fucked with his head. i am convinced that even before those things, inside of luke, there was like...this want to be with people. and yet this fear that he doesnt deserve to be.

also i just want to write luke being a stupid kid doing stupid kid things on the internet and having a server of very protective fandom adults bonking him on the head and telling him to be safer online and also to be less hard on himself

irt to marius on the internet, i talk about that (and vyn being hilarious on twitter) in these posts!!: nxx boys on social media: part 1 tiktok. part 2 vyn on twitter.

i.....do not believe vyn would be on tumblr. if he did, you will have to give me some time to figure it out. artem, however, i have thought about and to me, it's possible he would have a tumblr.

actually, heres a secret: i was planning on making a STUPIDLY IN CHARACTER artem rp blog. like, not even styled as an rp blog. it's. it's Artem's Blog. the blog title would be "My Thoughts" and his bio is just "Hello. I hope you find this interesting." and his theme is the default theme and all he reblogs are movie reviews and recipes. nothing in the tags ever. and many long posts about his interests with linked and Chicago Manual Of Style cited sources. no pictures. he was born in 2001, the era of "dont even put ur name online."

im....still on the fence whether i wanna do that blog actually kJBSJDKFS IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY

in this entire response, i did not tackle how luke interacts with homestuck. because im saving this for another ask i have in my inbox, asking me what luke's classpect would be. and now i have to become a hermit in the mountains, studying the lore and theses on classpects, to come up with my view and opinion.

youre in pain, clown? i am too.

and ive come to enjoy it :')

#clown!anon #honest to god i have so many fic drafts. SO MANY. U GUYS HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA #asks

[writing-wh0re]

HOLY MOLY! 

It’s happened, I have hit 1,000 followers! When I joined back in February I did not expect to even make it to 100 followers, let alone 1000. This is incredible, I love you all so much and cannot thank you enough. I’m so glad you all enjoy what I create, I enjoy writing for all of you ❤️

  So with that being said, I have come up with a little writing challenge for you all  ❤️  Rules:

✏️ You don’t have to be following me to participate in this challenge, however it would be amazing to see what my wonderful followers can produce! ❤️ Otherwise a reblog of this post would be very appriciated!

✏️ Must be a reader-insert, considering this is what my blog consists of. 

✏️ Can be any of these characters that I write for: Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Draco Malfoy. Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Spiderman - Peter Parker, Loki Laufeyson. Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Tom Holland, Tom Hiddleston.  Billy Hargrove. MGK (Colson Baker). Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester. 

✏️ Blurbs, One-shots, Imagines and Series are accepted. If you do write a series please create a masterlist or include previous chapter links. 

✏️ Smut is prefectly okay, however please ensure you include warnings on the chapter and a ‘read more’ insert. (Over 18′s only, please ensure your characters are of age as well.) 

✏️ Any other genre is fully accepted, this is time for you to let loose and explore different ideas / concepts! Include any and all warnings at the begining of your fic!

✏️ This should go without saying but no PEDOPHILA, R*PE, RACISM OR INCEST ALLOWED. (You will be blocked if this occurs.) 

✏️ Choose one prompt from the list and send me an ask (Ask box only and off anon please) of which one you have chosen and the character you’ll be writing it for. Only one person per prompt - first in, first served. 

✏️ A crossed out prompt means it has been taken - once a prompt has been written the author will be creditied beside it. 

✏️ If the word prompts don’t excite you, I have also listed a few different AU concepts / Tropes and have provided different songs (with links) for you to write about. Same rules apply - one person per idea. 

✏️ No minimum word count however anything over 500 words please insert a ‘keep reading’ break. (Ctrl - Shift - K on windows computers)

✏️ Not mandatory but just to make it easier for me please bold the prompt you use within your story! Please also list which AU / Trope / Song you choose. 

✏️ Hashtag your writing with #writing-wh0re-requests1k

✏️ Please tag me once you have posted your fic so I don’t miss it! @writing-wh0re 

✏️ Due date: July 4th, 2021! (In your timezone) I hope that’s plenty of time for you to get creative x  However if you’re creating a series and need more time, please message me. 

✏️ After the 4th of July 2021, I will create a seperate masterlist to make it easier for everyone to find. 

Prompts are below the cut. 

Prompts: 

1. Really? You’re choosing them over me? @meph1stophelian

2. So I mean nothing to you? - @midgardianweasley

3. Do you ever shut up? @pengwengs-writing

4. Have you been drinking? @annyadawson

5. If you had just asked me, I would have. 

6. Shut up for a second. 

7. Do you not understand what I’m trying to say? 

8. Kiss my ass. @harleytonks

9. Fuck you, pay me. @rosietoesy

10. Can we not make this work? 

11. Um, how about go fuck yourself. 

12. You didn’t seriously say that? Did you? 

13. Play nice. 

14. This means the world to me. 

15. I can do this, with or without you. @stxvercgersslut

16. If you don’t do as I say, you’ll die. 

17. You’re marrying him?  @classyhorseeclipseduck

18. I can’t believe you. 

19. Get it through your head. 

20.  We’re just friends. 

AU Prompts: 

1. Sibling’s Best Friend AU

2. Roommates AU

3. CEO AU

5. Professor AU

6. Body Guard AU

7. Prince/King AU

8. Sailor / Pirate AU

9. Apocalyptic AU

10. Vampire AU @skarlettmikaelson

11. AU of your choice. @samineisntmyname

Song Prompts (enjoy my mixed music taste): 

1. Leave the Door Open - Bruno Mars

2. Drunk Face - Machine Gun Kelly 

3. Dangerous - LEFT BOY

4. Heat Waves - Glass Animals

5. Daddy Issues Remix - The Neighbourhood

Tropes: 

1. Blind Date - @horrorxweasley

2. Forbidden Love

3. Long-Distance Love

4. Secret Relationship

5. Love Triangle

6. Fake Date / Fake Dating. 

7. Enemies to Lovers

8. Friends to Lovers

I tried to give you a variety of options! I hope you all enjoy what you create, I know I will enjoy reading it all. Thank you again for your amazing support, love and encouragement. Stay safe in this crazy world! xoxo

Don’t forget to tag me in the stories and #writing-wh0re-requests1k 

Tagging a few mutuals who may want to join / will reblog for me  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@maybesandohnos @gaycatlord-stuff @midgardianweasley @horrorxweasley  @justadreamyhufflepuff @hufflepuff5972 @mathletemadison @black-like-my-soul @harleytonks @meph1stophelian

#writing-wh0re-requests #1k writing challenge #writing prompts #writing tropes #au concepts #fred weasley fanfic #george weasley fanfic #draco malfoy fanfic #hp fic #marvel fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #captain america fanfic #peter parker fanfic #spiderman fanfic #loki fanfic #sebastian stan fanfic #chris evans fanfic #tom holland fanfic #tom hiddleston fanfic #billy hargrove fanfic #mgk fanfic #colson baker fanfic #sam winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfic #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley smut #george weasley x reader #george weasley smut #writing-wh0re-requests1k

[miracle-sham]

Amidst the Howls of Death, Your Divinity Gives Me Breath.

| {Jasonette July 2021, Week 1, Day 2: Protection} |

| [Ao3 Link] | | [Masterlist Link] | | [Spotify Playlist Link] |

| Marinette, Jason, Bruce, Dick, Tim, and Damian are all unfortunately familiar with how danger lurks around every corner in places like these. But perhaps their instincts can be ignored for just one evening of rest? |

| Or a Priestess, a Gunslinger, and his family, walk into a creepy inn. |

| Word Count: 2,789. |

| Warnings/Tags: Swearing/Explicit Language, Mild Gothic Horror, Implied/Referenced Background/Minor Character Death, Pretend Character Death, Fantasy & Magic Au, Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Room/Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing. |

———

| A/N: Another fic with a playlist, so check it out if you're curious to the songs I listened to when writing this! And have look in the end notes if you want to read a short descrip of what inspired this piece! |

| If you want to be tagged in future oneshots/fics or a specific Au, then feel free to send me a dm and or ask! |

| Also side note, Don’t Like? Don’t Read. Also also, please do not criticise any of my writing. This was written for fun and receiving criticism, even in a compliment/criticism sandwich, is the exact opposite of fun. |

———

As soon as Marinette, Jason, and his family had entered the ramshackle hamlet, they all could tell without a doubt that there was something not quite... right about the place.

Even in the dying light of the day, it was obvious that every window and door were boarded up. A few even had stone or iron bars nailed or soldered across any and all potential points of entry—chimneys included. Some buildings were half-collapsed beneath the weight of their own rotting timbers, others looked unnaturally clean and newly constructed, most however were somewhere between the two extremes. But regardless of how new or decrepit the buildings appeared, each and every single one had at least some form of large scratching or claw marks gouged into the wood and stonework.

The first thing the Wayne family and Marinette had all agreed upon, was acquiring rooms for the night from the only inn in the hamlet. One of the nicer buildings albeit, but just as foreboding in its own sense due to the deeper and more extensive scratch and claw marks along the exterior.

Inside, the innkeeper was undoubtedly strange, eyeing them each with an odd look in his eyes, and an empty grin. Giving him an off-putting appearance that certainly wasn't helped by his slow and methodical cleaning of kitchen knives, from just behind the bar.

Wheezing, the innkeeper tilted his head to one side, staring the family of six down. Voice like gravel, he rasped. “Tread carefully 'round these parts, travellers. There's been tales of your kind vanishing in the dark, followed by the howls.”

“Our kind? What do you mean by our kind?” Dick questioned sharply, narrowing his eyes and subtly curling his hands into fists by his sides—hidden by his deep blue cloak.

“The howls? What howls?” Tim asked curiously, a few seconds after Dick, eyes twinkling with the thrill of a mystery to unravel.

The innkeeper chuckled. “Curious lot, aren't you. I'm afraid that won't do you any good 'ere.”

“Is that a threat?” Bruce rumbled, adjusting his pose ever so slightly to put himself between his four sons plus pseudo-daughter in law, and the innkeeper. So that should anything happen, he would be first in the line of fire instead.

“Not if you pay for rooms tonight, stay quiet, and watch yourselves from straying in the dark.” The innkeeper replied, still grinning emptily as his chuckled subsided.

Tim ducked around Bruce's side to stare at the innkeeper. “You didn't answer our other questions! What do you mean by our kind and why did the previous travellers disappear followed by howls! How did you know that the howls follow disappearances?”

The innkeeper pulled out a whetstone and began sharpening the knives without looking, as his gaze snapped to Tim. “I only answer questions from paying customers, boy.”

“Father! I do not wish to stay somewhere as suspicious as this contemptible establishment.” Damian hissed, keeping his voice low as to avoid the hearing of the innkeeper, and tugged on the edge of Bruce's black cloak.

Jason edged a hand towards the hilt of one of his flintlocks. He leaned closer to Marinette to whisper in her ear. “For once, sweet priestess, I'm with the demon spawn, I don't want to stay here any longer than strictly necessary. This wretched fucking place reeks of ancient necrotic magic.” He wrinkled his nose before adding, “and not your goddess' other half's kind of ancient necrotic magic.”

Marinette frowned, glancing around the inn with ill ease. “I can feel what you mean, my dear knight. Whatever is causing the necrotic magic is definitely not holy by any means. But as far as I can tell, the magic was stronger outside, it's almost muted somewhat in here.”

“Forgive me, sweet priestess, but that doesn't ease my nerves at all.” Jason scoffed.

She rolled her eyes with a quiet snort of laughter, “I wasn't trying to, my dear red hooded knight.” She steeled herself slightly, mirth fading, “though what I am suggesting, is that we purchase rooms for the night. Whatever the source of the magic, we're most likely safer in here than out there. There are no claw marks on the inside after all.”

“For the record, I hate when you're right about these things, my holiness.” He growled, glancing around to confirm her statement.

“You say that as if I hate it any less than you.” Marinette countered, “now let's go intervene before another impending scuffle gets us kicked out of what is possibly our only safe shelter for the eve.”

“And miss out on free entertainment? I cannot believe you.” Jason snickered.

She shoved him good-naturedly before striding past Bruce and up to the counter, imposing in her own right even in comparison to the rest of the family. She cleared her throat to draw attention to herself and stared down the innkeeper with all the sharpness of a storming sea upon rocks. “You will answer all our questions if we purchase rooms, correct?”

The innkeeper squinted at Marinette. “Aye, girl.”

She pursed her lips then nodded. “How much for lodgings then?”

“We've got a room with a double bed, three with a single, and two twin rooms.” The innkeeper responded, empty grin curling into something more twisted, “The singles are a gold each per night, the rest are two gold each per night.”

“That pricing is outrageous!” Damian scowled.

Narrowing her eyes, she ignored Damian and hummed. “I see,” she glanced back at Jason and raised an eyebrow.

He nodded in return.

“Then I will purchase the room with the double bed.” She stated, plucking two gold coins from her purse and placing them upon the bar counter.

The innkeeper nodded, sliding two keys over to her. “Excellent choice, my lady, your room is on the left at the very end of the corridor upstairs.”

Jason prickled at the addressing title given to her, gripping the hilt of the gun he had reached for with whitening knuckles.

Marinette picked up the keys and stared coolly at the innkeeper before taking a few deliberate steps back until she was once more beside Jason. There, she handed him one of the keys.

Silence permeated the room for a minute as the rest of the family communicated through glances and facial movements alone.

Bruce sighed, breaking the stalemate, and placed four gold coins on the counter as well. “We'll take two singles and a twin as well.”

The innkeeper chuckled, passing four more keys over. “Wise decisions, Traveller. The twin room is the last door on the right along the corridor upstairs, and the two singles are the first two doors on both sides.”

“Now answer our questions,” Dick demanded.

The innkeeper glowered at Dick. “What I meant by your kind, was that you're the kind of folk who trouble follows. The travellers that poke their noses where they don't belong. And as for the howls, I wouldn't know. I've never seen what makes it because I stay inside where it is safe. Those who don't stay inside... well their screams, remaining bloody streaks, and disappearances are evidence enough for me.”

Marinette grimaced. “I am going to retire to the room now.”

Jason startled at her words and stared at her concern. “I'll, uh, join you. If you don't mind.”

“You don't have to for my sake.” She responded.

“It would ease my conscience if you weren't to go up alone.” He grit out.

She bowed her head for a second, “then your company would be most appreciated.” She began to make her way towards the stairs up to the rooms.

Before she reached the first step, the innkeeper called out. “My apologies, my holy lady, I did not intend to discuss such gruesome conversations before you that would offend your delicate holy constitution.”

“I appreciate your concern, however, I think you will find it was not my delicate holy constitution that was offended, as much as it was the wish for some privacy after a long and tedious journey. Thank you very much.” She spat in response, voice as acetic as an alchemist's corrosive acid.

The innkeeper raised his hands in a placating manner. “My sincerest apologies then, my lady.”

Marinette took that as a cue to continue upstairs, with Jason on her heels.

Once they reached the door, Jason snarled. “How dare that fucking bastard call you his lady, I'm going to put a bullet through his fucking skull.”

She sighed and went up onto her tiptoes so that she could place a kiss on his lips. “Perhaps wait until after we sort out the cause of the ancient necrotic magic plaguing this place. Though I'd like to rip his tongue out his mouth before you get to have your fun.”

Jason unwound marginally beneath the kiss, his fury was still palpable, however. “Hmm, I would like to watch you do that, my love.”

“Of course you would. Now, let's enjoy some much-needed privacy together. As much as I adore your family, there is only so much time spent travelling I can spend with them without wanting some peace and quiet to cherish you, my knight.” She remarked, opening the door with the key in the meantime.

———

Lounging upon the double bed, Marinette hummed as she gently carded her fingers through Jason's hair—his head resting on her lap and a soft smile gracing his face as he gazed up at her.

She paused her humming, face creases in mild displeasure, as a loose lock of her hair fell across her face. After a few half-hearted attempts to blow it out of the way, she closed her eyes and sighed—fingers twitching to a stop.

Jason raised an eyebrow and reached a hand up to her face, cupping her cheek for a few moments before tucking the loose lock of her hair back behind her ear. “Something on your mind, sweet priestess?”

“Ah. No, not really, no. I was just…” She sighs, lips twisting with faint distress, her earlier mask of determination faltering in the privacy of their room. “I'm worried about you. About this place. It's not safe and I'm worried if we fight anything here, whether it be the cause of the howls, a godforsaken Akuma, or even those creepy fanatics again, you're not going to make it—survive another close call.” She inhaled sharply. “I dread to think that should it come to it, the resurrection rituals won't work for you any longer.” Tears springing to her eyes as she voiced her doubts.

Jason frowned, “Oh,” He fumbled for words, shifting himself up into a sitting position so he could properly cup both sides of her face, and pull her into a gentle kiss on the lips. Pulling back, he took a deep breath, “oh, my holiness. Oh, my love. As long as I've been by your side, you've never let me fall, and your goddess and her pantheon don't seem like they'll let me die anytime before you. Not after the deal we struck, and I promise you, my priestess, that I don't intend on ever breaking that deal.”

“I know my knight, I know.” Marinette mumbled, tugging Jason into a tight hug as soon as he pulled away from the kiss, “but will there be a choice? Have you not forgotten your revival sickness we've yet to find or create a cure for? And not to mention the rumours about what has happened to the others who were also brought back by that awful Lich!”

Grimacing, he idly rubbed the back of his neck. “How could I fucking forget, I've hurt everyone I care about, especially you, thanks to that…”

She hummed once more. “And yet, none of us blame you for that, my love.”

“You should.” He argued weakly.

“I will never!” She retorted.

Their conversation lulled as they relished in the other's embrace.

Minutes passed before Marinette pulled away from the hug. She huffed, fingers twitching and nose scrunching up. “Jason, my red hooded knight, and love of my life.”

Jason squinted at her, “Yes…?”

“Wou— Can— What if I—.” She frowned, searching for her words, before settling on words she knew by ritual. “It would ease my mind if you were to be bestowed with some form of protection magic. Would you accept such a blessing from me?”

He remained silent for a few moments. “Of course I would, sweet priestess. I trust you, and I trust your goddess and her pantheon.” He closed his eyes and glanced away. “But shouldn't you save that magic for yourself, or when we're out in the fucking fray.”

“My powers will replenish come dawn, and the protection will last until then. I'd rather be certain in knowing you'll be safe whilst we sleep here.” Marinette answered, leaning forwards to cup his face in her hands.

Jason opened his eyes and looked back over at Marinette. “Alright,” he reluctantly conceded, “but only if it can also be applied to you.”

She stared at him then rolled her eyes, the corners of her lips twitching upwards in amusement. “I shouldn't have expected any answer but that from you. Luckily I've still got enough divine power to cast those two protection wards on the both of us.”

“Good!” He grinned cheekily.

Rolling her shoulders, Marinette mentally went over the incantations that would be used in this specific warding. She locked eyes with Jason and tilted her head to the side, “you first my knight.”

Squinting at her suspiciously for a few seconds, he eventually relented and shrugged. “As long as you've got enough divinity to protect yourself after, my holiness.”

“I will, trust me.” She responded, closing her eyes for a brief second before muttering the ancient celestial words of the language of the guardians. Her eyes filled with holy light, glowing like two sparkling suns. Whilst her hair began to shimmer and float as though underwater in sun-dappled waves. Swiftly she made an elegant hand gesture as continued to murmur the incantations. The shimmer in her hair and glow of her eyes flared for a split second as her words and hand gestures crescendoed, before flickering out like a snuffed candle.

As the golden radiance faded from Marinette, a similar golden glow began to settle around Jason. That too faded but a split second after appearing.

“Your powers never cease to amaze me, my holiness,” Jason murmured, staring at where the soft golden glow had radiated around him. Carefully he moved to hold her hands in his own so that he could press gentle kisses to them.

She giggled, blushing profusely. Although a smirk formed on her lips at his words. “Oh? Then where was this adoration of yours, my knight, when I magically mended those noble finery clothes of yours that were so unfortunately ripped just the night before we were to attend a masquerade, hmm?”

“Hey! Fucking–! Argh!” Jason sputtered for a second and then twisted around to grab a pillow from the bed, throwing it at Marinette. “Just cast the fucking protection ward on yourself!”

Marinette cackled as she fell back against the bedding from the impact of the pillow. She dramatically threw an arm over her face and cried out in mock distress, “oh no, oh dear! It would seem I have been most verily betrayed by mine own knight who was sworn to protect me, and yet! Here I lay, bloodied and betrayed! The world is fading from my grasp, I see the light of my goddess and her pantheon beckoning! Oh, whatever shall I do?”

“It would seem my last assassination attempt failed, sweetest priestess. Fear not! I shan't fail you again.” He declared equally as theatrically, grabbing the other pillow and throwing it at her as well.

“Ah! I have perished. What a shame, I am unable to cast that protection ward on myself now. Oh no!” Marinette continued, flopping onto her side and sticking out her tongue in mock death.

Jason snorted, “My assassination may have succeeded, but I cannot live with myself in this world without my love any longer. With this knife,” He stole back one of the pillows, “I shall perish besides the light of my life! Bleh.”

He flopped against the bedding beside her, a few seconds passed before the two of them burst into more laughter.

A few more moments passed before he elbowed her lightly. “Come on, your turn!”

Marinette wheezed and waved a hand, muttering the incantations between breaths. The radiance glowed around her, eyes and hair glimmering as they did before. Then as she reached the end of the incantations once more, it all faded away again. “Happy?”

“Indubitably, my love.” He responded.

She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Good!”

———

| Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little fic! Comments, likes, and reblogs are much appreciated! |

| Fun fact: this was supposed to be longer but I wasn't happy with how the last part was going and so I cut it. So if people enjoy this one, well I'll just have to finish the follow-up piece to this fic, won't I. Ironically the part that was cut got more into the gothic horror and the main reason behind the title but I decided to focus on the romantic fluff as the end point instead. Flowed a little bit better. |

| This piece was inspired by a d&d campaign i joined for a few sessions. It was set in a creepy little hamlet with an incredibly creepy innkeeper who forced our party into signing a contract before we could spend outrageous amounts on gold just for a single night's stay. And uh turned out the dude was a demon we just sold our souls to, and then all but one of the party ended up leaving the inn to try our chances against the horrifying plague-like monsters outside, aka the whole reason we brought rooms in the first place! |

| Also feel free to send me any asks or comments with any questions you have regarding this fic, I’ll be more than happy to answer! |

| @jasonette-july-event |

#Maribat #MLB x DC #DC x MLB #Jasonette #Jasonette July #Jasonette July 2021 #JasMari #MariJay #Marinette x Jason #Jason x Marinette #Jasonette July Week 1 #Jasonette July Day 2 #Jasonette July Protection #Amidst the Howls of Death Your Divinity Gives Me Breath #AtHoDYDGMB #Sham's Posts #Sham's Writing #Sham's Fics

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So due to popular demand I watched episode 2 of Walker for you guys. Part 1 of 2

So here’s my review of episode 2 of Walker. Is this going to be the episode where Walker lassoes a person? We’ll see.

The episode is titled “Back in the saddle” and I am already wishing I was eating my cookies. But the batter needs to rest in the fridge first, blah blah.

Night sky. Horses in their stables in the darkness. Security cameras switching off…? Fire! Someone set fire to the stable. Someone hurries to get the horses out. It’s clever, I’m actually invested in making sure the horses are okay. Maybe they’re luckier than Mary Winchester. Wait, wrong show.

The last one is trapped! A brave guy tries to free him but a wooden beam falls down and kills him. Oh no. Did someone at least save the horse?

The ridiculous title card plays, and then our favorite former Supernatural lead currently starring in a new show appears. He loads what looks like a toolbox in the back of his truck. There’s a horse saddle already on the truck. Soft music and the yellow sunlight shining behind him announce this is an emotional scene. The saddle has a leather bag on the side, with the initials of Walker and his wife engraved on it.

Ta-da! Flashback of Walker and his wife. Thankfully she is not elvish vision glowing this time, although the blurry effect of the flashbacks still make me think of a Lord of the Rings ripoff.

The saddle was a gift from her! Walker makes this face so we know he loves it.

Look at how ridiculous this is.

They’re trying sooo hard to appeal to bibro Supernatural fans. They’re BEGGING for the attention of bibro Supernatural fans. I’m not sure if redoing SamandDean iconic moments but with Walker and his dead wife (played by who I assume some hardcore bibros believe is Jared’s beard) is the best way of doing it? I mean, I wouldn’t take that direction. But okay. We take our Meaningful Moments from Supernatural because our viewers are not invested in these characters but are invested in those ones, so at least we’re provoking emotions by making them think of those ones. It is a strategy, I guess.

Fuck, I spoke too soon! The glowiness is not too strong - it is daytime in this flashback and not nighttime like in the pilot - but it’s there.

Back to the present, Walker is on the phone with his mother, explaining he’s back at his place to fix a leak or something. If the kids have been living with their grandparents and Walker has been away for almost a year, how is the patio so clean and pristine? But wait, someone’s been there. There are empty beer bottles. And then the funniest frame of the show so far.

Stella is a teenager. In 2021. Which teenager in 2021 texts like someone who had to spend 20 cents for text and press the button four times to get an s? Her father should be the one texting like it’s 1999. Stella would be the one texting like phones have automatic capitalization and predictive text and shit...

There is absolutely no fucking way the place can be so clean and pristine if no one’s lived there bar some teenagers who drank beer in the patio. But okay.

Oh no. Another glowy flashback. Holy shit. Why. We get it. He misses his wife. They had the perfect little life together. The music they use in the flashback is starting to give me a pavlovian response.

Even Jared is unhappy. Look at his unhappy face.

In the meanwhile, Ramirez and her boyfriend are having fun when her boss calls her. She dresses up to go to the fire stable place, in the meanwhile they have a conversation about their relationship. She has never really had a longterm serious relationship, and she’s confused because, I quote, “I am one of the first women ever, one of the first women of color, ever” [that’s it sentence finished]. I can’t believe Ramirez has been around for thousands of thousands of years.

She needs to focus on her job and he’s a distraction because he has a six pack. No, that’s literally the scene. He takes off his shirt and we see his six pack. Now, he’s a pretty impressive physique, that’s not a problem. Why isn’t he the main character of a show about doctors?

Meanwhile, Walker joins the family for breakfast. The brother, Liam, is great at making smoothies. What an interesting all-rounded gay character.

Walker’s mom says they should stay living with them because it means stability for the kids. Walker says they should move back to their house because normal whatever. Stella says, does it even matter to you where we want to live?, and leaves. August reveals she goes back to the house sometimes, meaning the beer was hers and she lied. Draa~ama. Stella is the only interesting character in this family.

Jared makes another discontented Jared thing at the end of the scene, I can’t gif them all, and we get to the crime scene. “Fire’s no way to go” Walker comments, because they watched the Supernatural pilot before writing the show.

Oh no, the horse didn’t make it either :(

So, the stableman who died had just come out of prison. Oh no. Is this another plot about convicted criminals doing shady things after they get out of prison? It must be, otherwise this detail wouldn’t be relevant since the guy just died. Oh no.

Ooooh James, the new boss, is making some changes which include following the rules to a t. Meaning Walker has been demoted until he passes all the tests again. I need to show you the face, sorry

This is it, this is Jared’s acting in this show.

Walker tries to argue with Captain James, but he says he wants to be “on the right side of history for a change”, so he cannot have him run around doing whatever he wants. James isn’t happy that he went to look at the footage of Emily’s murder again. He tells him again that the case is closed because a guy confessed, and he needs to focus on his family and job now. We’ve heard this so many times I’m so bored. But guys Jared’s acting gives us gems

Ramirez starts talking about the test, but he’s off, she asks him if he’s good and he says I’m fine. I’m Fine Lie #3! I think, I’m not really counting.

Something about the case. Whatever.

Stella is training for the big upcoming soccer match. Why can’t this be a sports show about teenage girls playing soccer? I can even give them a pass about calling it soccer.

Stella and her friend Isabel chat and Isabel says “ICE is sniffing around”, which I’m sure is not what ICE does.

I take it back. I don’t want a show about teenage girl soccer. Now there’s drama because Stella and Bel shouldn’t be playing in the big game because of their arrest, but apparently Stella is good and the couch will let her play, but not Bel, so she refuses to play. Unsure if this is about racism or Bel simply isn’t a great player. They should have made it clearer…

Meanwhile Augustus chats with a schoolmate called Ruby. Yeah. It had been too many minutes without an easter egg.

Walker and Ramirez take the tests. First shooting range. Then driving. He’s very good at these things. I’m bored. I don’t care about cops showing off their cop skills. I’d rather watch Ruby and Sam, er I mean, Augustus talk about high school projects, and I don’t care about high school projects.

I made the cookies in the meanwhile :)

#marghe watches walker for some darned reason #cw's jared: legit texan

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the June 2021 Edition

I have read a lot of books this month. That should be stated upfront. Just an absolute metric ton of books. Some real good, some not-so good, some inadvertently hysterical. Also, I made that BINGO board. Because, like, you ever have a total crisis of writing-confidence and ignore that potential freakout and the tendency of your coworkers to miss deadlines by reading every free Amazon sports romance you can find? And several full YA series? In one month? No? My experiences are not universal, I understand. Anyway, there’s thoughts and opinions and spoilers under the cut. Everyone read the Once Upon a Con series, I’m begging you.

READ THIS SERIES! PLEASE! EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! EVERYONE IN EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! THE FANDOM STUFF DID NOT GIVE ME SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT!

Geekerella by Ashley Poston Part romance, part love letter to nerd culture, and all totally adorbs, Geekerella is a fairy tale for anyone who believes in the magic of fandom. Geek girl Elle Wittimer lives and breathes Starfield, the classic sci-fi series she grew up watching with her late father. So when she sees a cosplay contest for a new Starfield movie, she has to enter. The prize? An invitation to the ExcelsiCon Cosplay Ball, and a meet-and-greet with the actor slated to play Federation Prince Carmindor in the reboot. With savings from her gig at the Magic Pumpkin food truck (and her dad’s old costume), Elle’s determined to win…unless her stepsisters get there first. Teen actor Darien Freeman used to live for cons—before he was famous. Now they’re nothing but autographs and awkward meet-and-greets. Playing Carmindor is all he’s ever wanted, but the Starfield fandom has written him off as just another dumb heartthrob. As ExcelsiCon draws near, Darien feels more and more like a fake—until he meets a girl who shows him otherwise. 

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: to save her favorite Starfield character, Princess Amara, from being killed off. On the other hand, the actress who plays Amara wouldn’t mind being axed. Jessica Stone doesn’t even like being part of the Starfield franchise—and she’s desperate to leave the intense scrutiny of fandom behind. Though Imogen and Jess have nothing in common, they do look strangely similar to one another—and a case of mistaken identity at ExcelsiCon sets off a chain of events that will change both of their lives. When the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, with all signs pointing to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. The deal: Imogen will play Jess at her signings and panels, and Jess will help Imogen’s best friend run their booth. But as these “princesses” race to find the script leaker—in each other’s shoes—they’re up against more than they bargained for. From the darker side of fandom to unexpected crushes, Imogen and Jess must find a way to rescue themselves from their own expectations...and redefine what it means to live happily ever after. 

Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston In this third book of the Once Upon a Con series, Rosie Thorne is feeling stuck—on her college application essays, in her small town, and on that mysterious General Sond cosplayer she met at ExcelsiCon. Most of all, she’s stuck in her grief over her mother’s death. Her only solace was her late mother’s library of rare Starfield novels, but even that disappeared when they sold it to pay off hospital bills. On the other hand, Vance Reigns has been Hollywood royalty for as long as he can remember—with all the privilege and scrutiny that entails. When a tabloid scandal catches up to him, he’s forced to hide out somewhere the paparazzi would never expect to find him: Small Town USA. At least there’s a library in the house. Too bad he doesn’t read. When Vance’s and Rosie’s paths collide, sparks do not fly. But as they begrudgingly get to know each other, their careful masks come off—and they may just find that there’s more risk in shutting each other out than in opening their hearts.

— I cannot possibly overstate what an absolute delight this series was. Cute and sweet and adorable. Like rot your teeth sweet with romances that my high-school self would have swooned over. (I would have been so in love with Darien Freeman as a 16 year old, it’s not even funny. Also, I would have been obsessed with Starfield.) Let’s be honest, my current self swooned quite a lot. Reading these books genuinely felt like a love letter to fandom. To the good and bad and trashy parts of it, and it made my heart swell thinking about these fictional kids and the community they found and how much they learned and then they FELL IN LOVE and, like, not to sound like an after-school special, but: THE REP IN THESE BOOKS?!?? HOLY S H I T. So good. So goddamn good. And not, like, shoved to the side. Like, Jess falls in love with a girl. And it gets its swoon-worthy moment as much as anyone else. Plus, bi-librarian dad who wears suspenders??? Sign. Me. Up. Twisting the fairy tales into the stories also worked really well in my opinion. Honestly my only gripe was that Darien found a cell phone number in the white pages, but, like, everything else was a joy. Please read these books. I promise they will make you smile.

IN WHICH I CAN NEVER TURN DOWN A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge Betrothed to the evil ruler of her kingdom, Nyx has always known that her fate was to marry him, kill him, and free her people from his tyranny. But on her seventeenth birthday when she moves into his castle high on the kingdom's mountaintop, nothing is what she expected—particularly her charming and beguiling new husband. Nyx knows she must save her homeland at all costs, yet she can't resist the pull of her sworn enemy—who's gotten in her way by stealing her heart.

— Yo. YO. Everyone in this book was horrible! And it was wonderful! I figured out the twist approximately point two seconds after the potential for a twist was possibly introduced and it did not diminish my enjoyment of this book for one second. I am such a sucker for any Beauty and the Beast AU, but this was way different than anything I’d read before and Nyx was a blood-thirsty terror and I loved her. The magic and the world building was fascinating in that I really did not expect Greek gods and goddess, but it was also a welcome turn in a weird, huh, that’s interesting sort of way. And the banter was a-plus, top tier. Even when they were snarking at each other. Especially when they were snarking at each other. (Still a pretty quick turn from enemies to lovers, but I’m willing to overlook that based almost solely on the snark.) Plus, the castle was fascinating. And there were more twists aside from the main twist, none of which I figured out. All of which I gasped over. The end was like—chef’s kiss, fantastic. I would like a novel-length sequel to tell me how everything worked out.

...BUT THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD ONE WASN’T AS GOOD

Crimson Bound by Rosamund Hodge When Rachelle was fifteen she was good—apprenticed to her aunt and in training to protect her village from dark magic. But she was also reckless—straying from the forest path in search of a way to free her world from the threat of eternal darkness. After an illicit meeting goes dreadfully wrong, Rachelle is forced to make a terrible choice that binds her to the very evil she had hoped to defeat.Three years later, Rachelle has given her life to serving the realm, fighting deadly creatures in a vain effort to atone. When the king orders her to guard his son Armand—the man she hates most—Rachelle forces Armand to help her hunt for the legendary sword that might save their world. Together, they navigate the opulent world of the courtly elite, where beauty and power reign and no one can be trusted. And as the two become unexpected allies, they discover far-reaching conspiracies, hidden magic . . . and a love that may be their undoing. Within a palace built on unbelievable wealth and dangerous secrets, can Rachelle discover the truth and stop the fall of endless night?

— As much as I loved Cruel Beauty, I was like ehhhh on this one. Which is part Little Red Riding Hood (although that seems like a stretch, honestly) and part The Girl With No Hands, which is a fairy tale I have literally never heard of before. Rachelle was just—sorta whiny? Which, y’know, she was cursed and had fucked up her entire life, so fair, but also...annoying. I kept reading mostly to try and understand what the FUCK was going on with the magic. I like to consider myself a relatively intelligent person who can understand most YA novels, but this one was tough to keep track of. Like, sure, the imagery of the Dark Forest was cool, but also what is a Gladspring? I’m still not sure I know. Also, this kind of dragged in some places. Lots of patrolling the palace (whining about life) and not enough magic-fighting or establishing any sort of relationship between Rachelle and Armand. Which just sort of happened? Amidst, approximately, twenty-four different twists that were admittedly cool, but also felt like they came out of nowhere. Everything that happened in Cruel Beauty made sense. Most of what happened here felt like it was shoehorned in for shock value.

YOU WANT MORAL AMBIGUITY? BOY HAVE I GOT MORAL AMBIGUITY FOR YOU. IN GODDAMN SPADES.

The Firebird Series by Claudia Gray Marguerite Caine's physicist parents are known for their groundbreaking achievements. Their most astonishing invention, called the Firebird, allows users to jump into multiple universes—and promises to revolutionize science forever. But then Marguerite's father is murdered, and the killer—her parent's handsome, enigmatic assistant Paul— escapes into another dimension before the law can touch him.Marguerite refuses to let the man who destroyed her family go free. So she races after Paul through different universes, always leaping into another version of herself. But she also meets alternate versions of the people she knows—including Paul, whose life entangles with hers in increasingly familiar ways. Before long she begins to question Paul's guilt—as well as her own heart. And soon she discovers the truth behind her father's death is far more sinister than she expected.

— Guys. GUYS. These books, oh my G O D. Little known fact about me, but I am trash for cross-dimensional soulmates. The concept of “we’ll find each other anywhere” is one of my favorites, so I was so psyched about these books. And for awhile that’s what I thought I was going to get out of them. But. BUT! What I actually got was something, not totally different, but not entirely great, either. The problem here was that when anyone used one of the Firebird devices to jump dimensions they TOOK OVER THE BODY THEY JUMPED INTO. So, like, that consciousness got shoved to the side while whatever prime!person just took over. Living that body’s life. In a different dimension. And that’s kinda fucked up, right??? Brings in all sorts of questions about consent and morality and let me tell you, guys, this YA series DID NOT ADDRESS A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Which is also super fucked up!! So, like, Marguerite is just bouncing around dimensions taking over people’s bodies and lives and leaving this, frankly, trail of destruction in her wake. And as if that wasn’t enough!!! In the second book Paul’s soul gets, like, split and she’s got to round up the pieces through dimensions, meeting all sorts of Pauls who are occasionally kind of shit people and he eventually just, like, CANNOT COPE. Seriously, I could not stop reading these. Partially for the moral ambiguity. Partially because I could not figure out why Paul loved Marguerite. Also, capitalism was the ultimate villain. AS IT SHOULD BE, REALLY.

CREEPY FAE WERE KIND OF CREEPY AND THAT’S NOT BAD, BUT LIKE MAYBE THIS WASN’T A GOOD BOOK?

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson Isobel is an artistic prodigy with a dangerous set of clients: the sinister fair folk, immortal creatures who cannot bake bread or put a pen to paper without crumbling to dust. They crave human Craft with a terrible thirst, and Isobel’s paintings are highly prized. But when she receives her first royal patron—Rook, the autumn prince—she makes a terrible mistake. She paints mortal sorrow in his eyes—a weakness that could cost him his life. Furious, Rook spirits her away to his kingdom to stand trial for her crime. But something is seriously wrong in his world, and they are attacked from every side. With Isobel and Rook depending on each other for survival, their alliance blossoms into trust, then love—and that love violates the fair folks’ ruthless laws. Now both of their lives are forfeit, unless Isobel can use her skill as an artist to fight the fairy courts. Because secretly, her Craft represents a threat the fair folk have never faced in all the millennia of their unchanging lives: for the first time, her portraits have the power to make them feel.

— I’ve seen this book mentioned a lot. As good. And it wasn’t not good, but Isobel was pretty goddamn annoying and kind of dumb and a little self-important and I was mostly here for the creepy fae. That was fun. More fae should have antlers and stuff. Everything in this story happened ridiculously fast. I couldn’t believe it was over when it was over.

THE PROSE WAS VERY PRETTY. I’M NOT SURE WHY THE DRAGON HAD TO BE SUCH A MONUMENTAL DICK.

Uprooted  by Naomi Novik Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life. Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood. The next choosing is fast approaching, and Agnieszka is afraid. She knows—everyone knows—that the Dragon will take Kasia: beautiful, graceful, brave Kasia, all the things Agnieszka isn’t, and her dearest friend in the world. And there is no way to save her. But Agnieszka fears the wrong things. For when the Dragon comes, it is not Kasia he will choose.

— Let me just say first off, that this should have been two books. Everything happened so quickly, I swear I got whiplash. That being said, as a heroine, I liked Agnieszka a lot. She was understandably freaked by everything that happened, but once she kind of settled, she didn’t take The Dragon’s shit and that was good because The Dragon was kind of shitty. This is why it should have been two books. Because everything The Dragon did felt like it needed some kind of explanation. Or at least some sort of reasoning for why he was such a monumental bastard. Which is why I was a little confused that Agnieszka was in love with him? He was such a dick, honestly. The last third or so of this book was the best because Novik really does know how to write action and the magic itself was pretty fascinating. (I wish it went into more depth, but I think I’m spoiled by fic and that’s not actually how the publishing world works.) Kasia might have been the most interesting person in this story. Girl went through it and just became a total badass. I loved her.

MARAUDER FEELINGS! MARAUDER FEELINGS! SO! MANY! MARAUDER! FEELINGS!

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater All her life, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love's death. She doesn't believe in true love and never thought this would be a problem, but as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she's not so sure anymore.

— RICHARD GANSEY, MY BELOVED. What a dweeb. A self-sacrificing, sorta sad dweeb. When he wrapped his jacket around Blue, my heart exploded. I think I spent the last fifteen or so chapters with disconcertingly wide eyes and possibly my hand over my mouth. Still not entirely sure why a Welsh king was in Virginia, but I loved it. Was real glad he was there. As promised by that one book rec list I read months ago, the Marauders vibes of these books were off the charts. It was a weird story with lots of weird things and I hope Mr. Grey gets to be happy one day and that Ronan and Adam make out some more eventually. I think they’ll both feel a lot better if they do. Like, about the world as a whole. Has anyone read the Ronan spinoff series? Should I read the Ronan spinoff series?

OK, THIS WASN’T THAT BAD, ACTUALLY

To Love Jason Thorn by Ella Maise Jason Thorn... My brother's childhood friend. Oh, how stupidly in love with that boy I was. He was the first boy that made me blush, my first official crush. Sounds beautiful so far, right? That excitement that bubbles up inside you, those famous butterflies you feel for the very first time--he was the reason for them all. But, you only get to live in that fairytale world until they crush your hopes and dreams and then stomp on your heart for good measure. And boy did he crush my little heart into pieces. After the stomping part he became the boy I did my best to stay away from--and let me tell you, it was pretty hard to do when he slept in the room right across from mine. When tragedy struck his family and they moved away, I was ready to forget he ever existed. Now he is a movie star, the one who makes women of all ages go into a screaming frenzy, the one who makes everyone swoon with that dimpled smile of his. Do you think that's dreamy? I certainly don't think so. How about me coming face to face with him? Nope still not dreamy. Not when I can't even manage to look him in the eye. Me? I'm Olive, a new writer. Actually, I'm THE writer of the book that inspired the movie he is about to star in on the big screen. As of late, I am also referred to as the oh-so-very-lucky girl who is about to become the wife of Jason Thorn. Maybe you're thinking yet again that this is all so dreamy? Nope, nothing dreamy going on here. Not even close.

— Ignoring the fact that this was almost blatant self-insert, this was a mostly good, occasionally trashy book with brother’s best friend and the one who got away tropes. Which, as we know, are my life’s blood. (Plus, surprise, fake marriage that isn’t really fake?!? Ok. OK!) My only eeek moment was when Olive got super drunk and wanted Jason to like—consummate the marriage and he was like, No Olive, you’re drunk. And then they ended up doing everything except having full-on sex, which felt a little creep and a lot sketch and then it was never mentioned again. Also, Olive needs to find some better friends, God.

EMERSON COD VOICE: HE’S STAAAAAALKING YOU

Marriage For One by Ella Maise Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own.

— Ok, ok, ok, so I enjoyed the Jason Thorn book, right? Was, like, how bad could this other book be? And it wasn’t bad, but it was patently ridiculous. Let me explain what happened. Not entirely sorry for the spoilers. Jack the lawyer sees that Rose is only going to get the space for her coffee shop from her uncle’s will if she marries someone. She WAS engaged, but the guy split. For reasons no one can understand, especially Rose. She’s sad. She’s spent so much money on espresso machines! Enter Jack the lawyer who one random afternoon is like: HEY ROSE, YOU’RE MOSTLY A STRANGER, BUT I ALSO NEED TO GET MARRIED FOR REASONS I’LL ONLY SORTA EXPLAIN, LETS DO THAT. So they do???? And Jack the lawyer continues to be kinda weird and a little shady, but Rose has got the coffee shop and things are going well. Until! She’s got a leaky brain!!! That’s not a joke. Not a typo. Out of goddamn LEFT FIELD, Rose has got some horrible medical condition, so thank God she got married because Jack the lawyer’s got great health insurance. (this is ROMANTIC) and she’s got to have an operation and he stays with her and sleeps in the hospital chair and her coffee shop is somehow still going strong??? On Madison Avenue??? What sit-down coffee shop on Madison Avenue do you guys know that would succeed? None because it’s not downtown. I digress. Anyway, Rose makes a miraculous recovery, she and Jack the lawyer are now almost in love? At least having a shit ton of sex. They’re mostly happily married. Until, part two! The ex-fiance shows up and is like JACK THE LAWYER PAID ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. To which Rose is understandably flabbergasted. She confronts Jack the lawyer who fesses that he’s been seriously crushing on her since they met at her uncle’s Christmas party. She doesn’t remember this. He does. BECAUSE HE’S A STALKER. So, he knew about the will stipulation with marriage BACK THEN, which is why he used FIRM RESOURCES to investigate the ex-fiance and found out he was a con man, using Rose with plans to basically steal all her money. This infuriated Jack the lawyer because he thought Rose deserved better and then proceeded to basically con her himself, just in a different way. With marriage! He told her he needed to get married to show he was a family man to make partner. THAT WAS A LIE. He didn’t need it at all. He just—wanted to marry her??? To help her??? What a psycho. She leaves. He continues to lurk outside the coffee shop. They make up. No one mentions the stalking. The end.

I KEEP GIVING HELENA SECOND CHANCES AND SHE KEEPS...NOT DESERVING THEM

All In Series by Helena Hunting Sometimes I need an escape from the demands, the puck bunnies, and the notoriety that come with being an NHL team captain. I just want to be a normal guy for a few weeks. So when I leave Chicago for some peace and quiet, the last thing I expect is for a gorgeous woman to literally fall into my lap on a flight to Alaska. Even better, she has absolutely no idea who I am.Lainey is the perfect escape from my life. My plan for seclusion becomes a monthlong sex fest punctuated with domestic bliss. But it ends just as abruptly as it began. When I’m called away on a family emergency, I realize too late that I have no way to contact Lainey.A year later, a chance encounter throws Lainey and me together again. But I still have a lie hanging over my head, and Lainey’s keeping secrets of her own. With more than lust at stake, the truth may be our game changer.

— Last year I read a hockey romance by Helena Hunting that was very cute and traditionally published and she’s got a bunch more free Amazon books that, for some reason, I keep downloading and reading and they continue to be absolutely ridiculous. That first one was a not-so-secret accidental pregnancy (as previously discussed ONE TIME without a condom mention and bam pregnant) but the second one with Rook’s sister was actually pretty cute. I’m not sure why they all called him Rook. Almost all these series have at least one book with someone recovering from an injury and they inevitably fall in love with their physical therapist. So, that one was pretty ok. None of these, however, were quite as entertaining as (wait for it) QUEENIE AND KINGSTON. WHOSE FRIENDS AND TEAMMATES ALL CALL HIM KING. QUEENIE. AND. KING. Gag. I read it anyway. At least 99% of that decision was based solely on the fact that the story started just after King found out his sister was actually his mom. How am I supposed to stop reading THAT?!? I ask you. Highlights of Queenie and King’s romance included: him calling his mom/sister MOMSTER, Queenie being secretly married this whole time, WITHOUT KNOWING IT, his strawberry allergy that flared up because she’d had a strawberry milkshake and then GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB, her dad finding out they were dating because he was the GM of the team and saw that his starting goalie was having a MASSIVE allergic reaction, Queenie’s eventual ex-husband getting engaged to someone who previously tried to self-inseminate to trap Rook into a relationship (I am not making this up, I swear) and then when he found out that his fiancee’s kid wasn’t actually his, he got into a massive fight and earned a 20-game suspension. THAT’S A QUARTER OF AN NHL SEASON. Tom Wilson got fined five thousand dollars for practically killing Artemi Panarin on the ice! I did not read the last book in this series because it was MORE ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY and because it was Queenie’s dad and King’s mom and that meant they’d share a sibling. Which is where I draw the line, guys.

THERE WERE SEVEN BOOKS IN THIS SERIES! EVERY SINGLE ONE HAD TO HAVE A SCENE WHERE THE DUDE UNDERSTOOD THAT PERIODS WERE A THING???? LIKE THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE SOMEHOW?!?!

Hot Jocks Series by Kendall Ryan I've never been so stupid in my entire life. My teammate's incredibly sweet and gorgeous younger sister should have been off-limits, but my hockey stick didn't get that memo. After our team won the championship, and plenty of alcohol, our flirting turned physical and I took her to bed. Shame sent her running the next morning from our catastrophic mistake. She thinks I don't remember that night—but every detail is burned into my brain so deeply, I’ll never forget. The feel of her in my arms, the soft whimpers of pleasure I coaxed from her perfect lips…And now I’ve spent three months trying to get her out of my head. Which has been futile, because I’m starting to understand she’s the only girl I’ll ever want. I have one shot to show her I can be exactly what she needs, but Elise won’t be easily convinced. That’s okay, because I’m good under pressure, and this time, I’m playing for keeps.

—I read all of these. All. Of. Them. They were exceptionally quick reads. Every single one had a copious amount of sex in it and a very weird, apparently required scene, where the dude had to be like I’M NOT SQUICKED OUT BY PERIODS AM I NOT THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF MASCULINITY?? My favorite one was Grant and Ana’s, though, because it was so goddamn absurd I cannot believe someone wrote it. Basic gist was that Ana was dating someone on Grant’s team (he’s the captain, natch) but the guy was a dick and abusive and so one night Ana decides to leave, but she needs someone to help her and WHO DOES SHE TURN TO??? That’s right, reclusive captain Grant. Who’s spent the last few years watching his teammates marry-up and start families and he’s so jealous, but he can’t say anything because he’s a stoic MAN™. So he takes Ana and her dog (of course she’s got a dog) back to his super swanky bachelor pad and she just sort of...stays there? Video of the boyfriend accosting her at her job gets leaked and the boyfriend gets sent to the AHL which is not really how it would work, but fine. Naturally, Grant and Ana hook up. It’s emotional. Vaguely romantic. There’s no GODDAMN CONDOM. So, she gets pregnant. But, of course. Except! She doesn’t know if it’s dick boyfriend’s or Grant’s. Because he’s the male lead in a free sports romance on Amazon, Grant is the MOST understanding. He wants to help Ana. He would like to continue having sex with Ana. This is ready-made happily ever after. Only Ana’s like...eh?? She doesn’t want it to look like she bounced from one hockey player to the next, but also she sorta did and she kept telling Grant she just wanted to be friends, only to have sex, like, three chapters later. Then she just moved out! Just moved out. Seven months pregnant. Moving out. With her dog. Of course, this is a free sports romance on Amazon, so eventually she moved back in with Grant. Once she realized independence wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And because he left practice to be there when she had the baby. Oh! And she got a DNA test after. To see whose kid it was. Grant ripped that ‘ish up. Just ripped it up. Which is cool, I guess. But, like, you didn’t want to double check? What if that kid has to go to the hospital? Did she put Grant’s name on the birth certificate? What are his parental rights?? Anyway, they’re all set to live HEA when....THE DICK BOYFRIEND DIES. Straight up. No explanation. Nothing. Just Grant tells Ana he’s dead, she’s like, oh wow that’s sad, they send some flowers to the funeral and that’s THAT. I assume this was to close any potential plot holes on the father of this baby, but it was hysterical and I cannot stop thinking about it. Strangely enough, the one where the couple made a secret sex tape in college and then got back together because it got released may have been the healthiest relationship in this series.

#book recs #book rec #book reccs #laura reads books #welllp these are books #i will not apologize for that bingo board #i think this is a highlight of accomplishments #like for me personally

[365days365movies]

January 14, 2021: GoldenEye (Epilogue)

WhoooooooooooooOK. Look, I’m gonna get through this, but I’m gonna have to go in a different order. I’m going from highest score to lowest, because that’s how I’m gonna be able to get through this. And for the record, I’ll be doing some...ranting...at certain points. This is gonna be interesting. Why? Well, let’s start with this little tidbit.

79%. Not my score. That’s the Rotten Tomatoes score for this movie. The average rating on RT is 7.1/10. My score...my score will not be that high. Maybe not terribly low, but...it ain’t gonna be that high. ‘Cause I got some problems. OH BOY...do I got some problems. And this might even be controversial for some, but if you like this movie, I’m so happy for you.

I...I was not that lucky.

Review

Direction and Action

To Martin Campbell: great job. I actually mean this sincerely, great job with the direction of this movie, as well as the cinematography. Good job from you too, Phil Méheux. Some of the shots and framing of this movie are great, and credit absolutely deserves to be given for that. And the action! Look, as stupid as some of the framing is for it (we’ll get there, dear GOD, we’ll get there), the action is all dynamite. From the jump into the dam at the beginning, to the VERY impressively brutal fight scene between Alec and James at the end. Absolutely impressive, and gets a 9/10 from me. Yeah, really. No complaints here. 

Wow, a 9? That’s a big deal! I thought you said you hated this movie.

I don’t hate everything in this movie. But some things...some things...we’ll get there.

Cast and Acting

I can’t believe I’m saying this, considering my opinions on a lot of the movie...but Brosnan is a pretty great Bond. I hate the lines he’s forced to deliver, I hate the relationships and lack of emotion in his dialogue (WE WILL GET THERE), but I don’t actually blame Brosnan for that. He does a great job with what he’s given. And that basically goes for everybody else...almost. Famke Janssen. Xenia...she, uh...HOLY SHIT DUDE. She fuckin’ GOES for it. She’s the craziest Bond...Girl...wait. No, wait, she isn’t the Bond Girl. SHE’S THE HENCHMAN. Shit. OK, I’m on board with Xenia and Famke Janssen’s portrayal. Over the top, sure, but I can deal with that. Sean Bean does great, no surprise there, and I even like Izabella Scorupco as Natalya. Alan Cumming...Boris....yeah, no, no pass for Boris, he’s obnoxious as hell. I know you’re a great actor, Alan Cumming. So why in the hell do I NEVER SEE YOU IN ANYTHING GOOD??? Except X2, you rocked as Nightcrawler. And y’know what, Judi Dench’s one scene as M was FANTASTIC. Seriously, more of THAT, please! So, yeah, when I really think about it, high marks here, too. 8/10!

And an 8! For somebody who liked Connery, I’m surprised that Brosnan was OK for you. And yet, you said you didn’t like this movie? Why?

Just keep reading. It’ll aaaaaaaaaaallllllll make sense soon.

Production Design

Not much to say here, except...yeah, it looks great! From Arecibo Observatory to the streets of St. Petersburg, it all looks great. Iconic sets, like that Soviet statuary. Costumes, ESPECIALLY Xenia’s, were also pretty good, although not particularly iconic. Definitely no real problems here. Good job, Peter Lamont! 8/10 for you and your cohorts.

These are pretty high grades, 365.

I know. I am aware. We are not done.

Music and Editing

Before I talk about Tina Turner’s song, I have one thing to say...the triangle guy in the orchestra was having a FIELD DAY. My girlfriend and I watched this together, and she noticed it first. Now I can’t unhear it. Everybody wants to be heard...even the triangle guy. Listen to the theme from the tank sequence, you won’t be able to unhear the triangle guy going CRAZY back there. 

OK, the opening sequence might’ve been crazy compared to others, but the song was...pretty good. Absolutely not my favorite Bond song (GOOOOOOOOOLD-FINGAAAAAAH-WHAP-WHAAAAAAAP-WAAAAAAAAAAH), but still good. And the rest of the music for the movie is good...but I won’t be buying the soundtrack, sorry to say. Still, Éric Serra did a good job, I mean that. With all that said, 8/10.

Gee, 365, you sure you don’t like this movieGIVE IT A GODDAMNSECONDOK???

Plot and Writing

...Hey, uh...you OK? Looks like your eyes have gone blank there, 365. You all ri-wait...wait, what are you doing with your thighs? No! NOOOOOOOOO-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHATETHEWRITINGANDPLOTINTHISGODDAMNMOVIE

OK, take a breathtakeabreathtakeabreathtakeaBREATH. The plot and writing of this goddamn movie cripples EVERYTHING ELSE IT HAD GOING FOR IT for me. And for the duration of the film, I’ve been trying to figure it out. What was it? I’m gonna have to break it into pieces here.

Plot first. At the end of the day, the plot isn’t actually bad in and of itself. However...it is the most UNORIGINAL, HACKNEYED, SPY MOVIE, JAMES BOND CLAPTRAP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. The entire film just feels scripted, and not in a good way. And I know that, logically, some things are going to stay the same. He’s gonna get the girl, there’s going to be a dastardly villain, there’ll be gadgets, Bond’ll be cool, and there’s the music. Let’s take the music out of it, obviously, and look at the other core elements of a Bond film, shall we?

The Girl: I might’ve liked Natalya, but the characters had NO chemistry. Can’t say that about Brosnan and Izabella, they did fine with what they were given. But the characters weren’t given a single satisfying reason to get together. They needed to either meet earlier, or you needed to give her something in her character to get her to convincingly fall for Natalya. The work needs to be done with her. Because, let’s face it: James Bond is a man-whore. It’s literally a part of his character definition. He doesn’t need an excuse to fall for her, she needs an excuse to fall for him. And we never get a convincing reason for their relationship. Ever.

The Villain: Gaaaaaaah, Alec! Alec was actually an interesting character! His motivations actually did make sense, and play on a VERY tough event in the history of the UK. While it certainly doesn’t justify his actions, it definitely makes him more three-dimensional. Which is why it’s a shame that the film works so hard to flatten him out. They turn him from an intriguing individual, to someone whose ultimate goal is to steal ALL OF THE MONEY IN LONDON!!! MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! This guy is a Baron Zemo, a THANOS. Doing terrible things for understandable reasons. Should’ve leaned into that more, instead of just turning him into Evil James Bond. One of the biggest failures of this movie, seriously.

Gadgets: WHAT GODDAMN GADGETS??? The acetylene torch at the dam? Barely a gadget, and you know it. The car? NOPE! Agent Wade takes it away! Here’s an ideaUSE THE CAR IN ST. PETERSBURG. Instead of TEARING UP DOWNTOWN ST. PETERSBURG. Real subtle, Bond, real great work AS A SPY, YOU FUCKLEHEAD!!! What about the pen? Oh, the one he uses by ACCIDENT? Yeah, not counting that either. The belt? Nope, not even touched. And lastly, I cannot stress this enough, WHY WOULD YOU TEASE ME WITH THE GODDAMN CAR MISSILES, AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM??? Yeah. Still not over the car thing, I mean that. Enraged. So enraged.

James Bond: Pierce...you did a good job. You did a great job, even. It’s not you. It’s the writing. See, Bond lines used to be cool. But then, Schwarzenegger happened. And Stallone happened. And literally the entirety of the 1980s and early ‘90s happened. And all during that, Bond was still around, and still pumping out movies. All of Connery’s wit and cunning got Flanderized into almost a parody of the original character. And Brosnan...Brosnan does his damndest with those puns. Those awful...AWFUL...puns. If they were here and there, sure, I could’ve taken it. But at times, it felt like EVERY OTHER LINE!!! At a certain point, the film felt less like a Bond film, and more like a parody of a Bond film. EXCEPT, that unlike Austin Powers, IT. WASN’T. FUCKING. FUNNY. But you may have noticed something...that has nothing with the plot. That’s all writing. OK, let’s get into it.

The writers need help; they were clearly locked in a room for too long until they came up with “good puns.” It didn’t work. And the problem stretches far outside of the puns. Lemme give you an example, yeah? At one point, Valentin asks if Bond has “joined the 21st century,” then notes that M is now a woman. That comment makes no sense in two ways. One, that phrase is meant to state that an individual is somehow dated, out of touch with the present, stuck in the past. Yet, working for a woman is most certainly a more modern trait, so that makes no sense. And secondly, THIS IS 1995, IN THE 20TH CENTURY. And that’s a relatively minor nitpick, at the tip of the iceberg of this film. There are plot holes, missed opportunities...long story short (too late), the writing is TERRIBLE. It’s goddamn awful. It’s so awful...that I’m going for 1/10. Yeah. This movie PISSED ME OFF.

There. You get it now? Most of the elements of the movie were fine, but the writing TORE it for me. Which leaves us with…

A 68%.

*wakes up* W---WHAT? You tried to Xenia me, and you still gave it a 70%? What about the whole “My score will not be that high” thing? HUH?

I mean...it wasn’t. The average rating on Rotten Tomatoes was a 71%. Mine’s a 68%.

Because here’s the thing: it’s honestly not a bad movie. It just infuriates me for one reason. By all other metrics, this movie’s totally fine. It’s just the unoriginal plot and cringeworthy writing that tears it down a peg. Just imagine if the writing was good. This movie would be considered one of the best action movies, instead of just once of the best James Bond movies. And even then, if you ranked these movies by Tomatometer, GoldenEye’s only #9. That’s beneath Lazenby, a Moore, two Craigs, and the first four Sean Connerys. In other words, it’s the worst Bond movie I’ve ever seen...and I’ve only seen the first four Connery movies. So, really, this rating makes sense when you think about it.

There it is: a good action film with shitty writing. That’s GoldenEye. And PLEASE disagree with me, I’m one of the outliers with this movie. It is a beloved classic for many, and I respect that. But for me...it’s a 68%. Just my opinion.

But this isn’t fair. I want me a good Bond movie, or at least one that I like. Already seen Goldfinger, so...let’s go for the Bond after Brosnan, shall we?

January 15, 2021: Casino Royale (2005)

#James Bond #GoldenEYe #007 #Pierce Brosnan #Martin Campbell #Sean Bean #Alec Trevelyan #Famke Janssen #Xenia Onatopp #Izabella Scorupco #Judi Dench #Alan Cumming #action movie #spy movie #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #movie challenge #a movie a day #bbelcher #action january

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

#cluna cries at 2am over s3 kl potential 😔 #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[s3dgy]

I posted 13,635 times in 2021

2 posts created (0%)

13633 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6816.5 posts.

I added 30 tags in 2021

#sedge is jojoposting - 9 posts

#hsfdgjsh - 5 posts

#jjba - 4 posts

#sedge's first fic adventure - 2 posts

#vento aureo - 2 posts

#what the fuck - 2 posts

#psa - 2 posts

#star trek - 2 posts

#reactor core is the only valid -core - 1 posts

#boogie baby - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 95 characters

#which means i’ve pretty much been living in a straight-up pile of garbage for the last 6 months

My Top Posts in 2021

#2

hey!!!

since i have one friend in particular who i know has some personal hangups surrounding jjba, i’ve come up with the tag “#sedge is jojoposting” so that it can be blocked for those who don’t wanna see me posting about jjba!

0 notes • Posted 2021-10-16 18:00:52 GMT

#1

i wrote a terrible self-insert fanfic when i was 11-12 and now i'm going through it and fixing my pronouns for Gender Euphoria™ reasons but leaving the rest of it alone, here are my thoughts but i'm not gonna provide any context

the plot of this fic was basically just the "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" meme

hoo boy was i Repressed™ and it shows

WOW i really have been a sucker for hurt/comfort from the jump huh

jesus fucking christ i could really go down a rabbit hole psychoanalyzing this shit

LMFAO 😂😂😂 I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS GONNA OWN NOT ONE BUT MULTIPLE LANDLINE PHONES AS AN ADULT

LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA LIVE IN APARTMENT THAT WAS LARGE ENOUGH FOR THAT TO BE A THING

IN THIS ECONOMY??? OH HONEY

okay WHAT the fuck was my obsession with owning a satchel??? like bitch??? hello???

side note: i did end up getting a satchel like two years later, so, yay for that i guess

cannot BELIEVE i simped this hard over an anime character when i was in middle school

wh- hang on what the fuck. that. that doesn't make ANY goddamn sense, how did i think that would work physically??? bitch

hm. you know what, That Sentence In Particular says some shit about me that i am not ready to unpack yet, so i'm not gonna!

you know i know i said i was only gonna fix the pronouns but it's my gender and i get to experience the gender euphoria so i think i'm also gonna change the way my hair is described to match the way it looks now

y'know, now i'm kinda understanding why my 6th grade english teacher prohibited me from writing fanfic for a school assignment but still. she was kind of a bitch about it and that was unnecessary.

god i remember writing this in the notes app on my iphone 3gs. i remember copying/pasting giant chunks of it to send to my best friend through kik messenger because she didn't have a cell phone. but most importantly i remember her hyping me tf up and how important that was to me. good times

hsfdgjsh my professors are gonna be talking to me in class like "so what'd you do last night? get any sleep?" and i'm gonna be like "no i fucking psychoanalyzed my childhood self through the lens of my old fanfiction"

BOY HOWDY WAS THAT A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS. REALLY WISH I HADN'T DESCRIBED THAT PARTICULAR ACTION IN THAT WAY.

bitch i am begging you to use normal fucking words p l e a s e

a MINIVAN??? of all the cars i could've picked for myself to drive, i chose A MINIVAN??? i mean it's practical, space-wise, but WHAT THE FUCK

of fucking course the minivan is green. i mean it still IS my favorite color tbf

wow this bitch did not give a FUCK about car insurance costs okay. damn wish i could be her 😔 she's out here tokyo drifting up in this bitch

oh my fucking god i did NOT understand how cars work lmao. or like, fuckin physics for that matter

i- did this vehicle just not have airbags in it or something??? because they probably fucking should've gone off by now holy shit

"put the car back into second gear" BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. TO THIS DAY I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SECOND GEAR AND FIRST GEAR SETTINGS ON THE GEAR SHIFT OF MY CAR EVEN DO.

aaand we're just gonna... okay. i mean it makes sense in context i guess, but... okay. fine. you do you, kid.

wh- how did paint get scraped off the sides of the car??? the sides of the car never fucking touched anything i- fuck it. never mind.

i- okay i know the car thing was kind of bonkers per my earlier description but it wouldn't have caused THAT to happen

IT'S ON FIRE??? IT'S ON FUCKING FIRE??? B I T C H

okay so we're just back to our regularly scheduled programming after all that then? cool whatever i guess

y'know i'm not sure of the accuracy of that scientific technobabble but it sounded at least a little bit believable so. good job, past me. you get points for that one

my fucking god why couldn't any of these characters tell a halfway-decent lie to save their lives lmao

ahhh wait i remember why the car is Fucked™ now. it's because the mental image i had in my head of a different scene involving a car involved a different car, so i had to COMPLETELY DESTROY the first car i mentioned for some goddamn reason.

wh- MILK??? bitch what were you ON

1 notes • Posted 2021-02-26 08:28:47 GMT

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[thepursuitofunderstanding]

February 1/2021

And finally! People are awake so I can go make my coffee. (I say finally because I woke up at 4:30.) I seem to be having rather odd sleeps these days; I presume that it’s because of the coffee. Like last night I remember having this weird dream about working through this incredibly dense philosophical system. Attempting to, apparently, compare it with my own cognitive map. I suppose that I’ve always known that the tailoring of and adding to my cognitive map occurred mainly away from or below my conscious attention, I just never noticed it in so pronounced a way as last night in my half-awake state. It was like I had opened up the cellar door to my unconscious workings. It was quire a thing to behold honestly: my mind/understanding moving like that. It was all images, like when I give myself over to my imagination. But there was even more chaos and connections being made than what I experience in my imagination. I reckon that this is due to the fact that my consciousness, in it’s semi-conscious state, wasn’t conducting/viewing all of these happenings with the same strictness which it usually employs. 

I can’t really remember the connections that were made or whether any new understandings were discovered, but like I have become accustomed to trusting: I’m sure that whatever occurred will rise to my conscious awareness when ready. 

It’s really quite incredible though--I seem to be coming upon a new depth to my thought. It feels suddenly like all those boundaries which had once been so limiting upon my internal wanderings are suddenly now just dissolving away. Or, perhaps, I’m starting to realize that these boundaries upon my exploration had only ever been illusions from the start. And I only now am discovering the courage and drive to run myself up against them. Just as Harry Potter only discovered the illusory obstruction of Platform 9 3/4 by throwing himself up against it. In this comparison I suppose that the literary community would be to me what the Weasley’s were for Harry. And Hagrid too for that matter--one’s introduction to a whole new world. Or, perhaps, the same world as always, but an immense deepening of it. Thus, I am learning--artists are teaching me--that these boundaries can and should be pushed against. That is, if one wants to keep moving forward, one must lacerate oneself against that which stands in ones way. There is no way around it. This seems to be what I’m learning right now. Thanks, it would seem, in large part to Nietzsche, Eminem and Bios by Esposito. I am learning about the value of obstruction and how enemies are sometimes--often--one’s best friend. For, if such an enemy is a worthy enemy, they teach on in the must visceral way possible--by lacerating. And, again, as Nietzsche notes: pain is the surest way to fix a memory in man’s mind. It’s why I like to make all my own mistakes--I learn best from my own pain. 

Huh, I’ve long since recognized my fascination with pain, but it’s only now that I really get it.I had previously just assumed that pain was welcomed by me because it made me feel so alive. Which is definitely a part of it; but, it would seem, only the initial part. I realize that I feel so alive when in the midst of pain because the pain is teaching me something. But then, if we are to take/accept this ling of thought, what exactly was I hoping to learn when I ran that blade across my hips? Because that act of cutting myself seems to be the most obvious example of my welcoming of pain.

It must be said that was substantially less consolidated when I was engaged in cutting myself. I didn’t really understand myself--I was still very much so gripped with the awareness of and shame regarding my difference. I did not realize that such a difference could be in any way a positive thing. My only thoughts were of killing it in me; or, at the very least, silencing it. And I suppose that cutting did silence it--for a time at least. For, in that moment of the most visceral and violent opening, everything else was silent. All that existed was pain--beautiful, delicious, pure pain. That purity, it would seem, is what I was after: pure experience.

I remember a few years back I wrote an essay exploring how I “found divinity at the tip of a blade.” Pure experience is divinity? When I asked that question of myself my mind brought the idea of the Dionysian forward. I reckon that means that we need to explore there a bit. The Dionysian, in my understanding, is the purest expression/manifestation of an interdependent flowing of life that cannot be sorted discriminately into categories without losing it’s inherent nature. It is, by it’s very nature, unmediated and undifferentiated. It is pure life; untamed and transcendent; existing before and beyond any human attempts to constrain it. All we can do is get swept away in it’s all-encompassing life-dance of animalistic power. This letting loose of one’s animalistic and instinctual side is exactly what I shied away from for the first decade and a half of my life. I repressed my more primal tendencies/urges like my life depended on it--because I felt like my life did depend on it. To a certain extent all of our lives depend on us humans being able to constrain our more primitive urges: a secure and flourishing society such as ours could not stand without such practices of constraint. But my overemphasis on this constraint (it got to the point where my every thought was desperately consumed with how to be the “good little girl” that everyone wanted me to be) eventually became such that I needed to release some of the pressure for fear of implosion (explosion)? And what better way to release some pressure than by creating an opening? 

I might also add that I think another part of the reason that I cut, or perhaps how I made sense of my cutting at the time, was my seeing it as an attempt to punish myself. That is, as a punishment for my perceived difference from those around me. Correction through pain, as it might be conceived. 

In a sense, I was addicted to cutting. It was something, and often times the only thing that I looked forward to. I planned my day and my life around it: what blade would I use? Did I have time to sneak into the bathroom between classes for a cut? How deeply would I cut? Where on my body would my new cuts be? On and on and on the considerations went. It’s so odd to say (write) now, but the awareness of those openings that I carried around on my hips gave me a sense of power. I mean, yes, I was ashamed about what I was doing to myself; I localized the cuts to my hips for just this reason. But this shame seems to have been born not of my deepest self but of my awareness of societal judgments. That is, I knew how such actions, perpetrated against/on one’s self would be viewed as weak by the majority of people around me. And weakness was already something that I was deeply disgusted by. No need to give the world (outside of me) any more evidence to convict me of weakness. Because, it would seem, I fundamentally perceived my difference as weakness. Thus we can see why I was so terrified of my difference. Because life devours the weak.  I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been intimately aware of this fact. I think, although I can’t quite articulate how or why yet, this early awareness of the devouring character of life is tied up with my dad and his bearing. Perhaps I thought that the toughness and violence of his bearing was a requirement of life itself? And I could detect none of this violence or toughness within my bearing/Being. (I apparently never saw my cutting as being violent act. It was only ever another manifestation of my pitiful weakness.) From this came the idea that I was fundamentally incapable of withstanding life?... There seems to be something to that. Especially when viewed in reference to the great admiration that I’ve always had for Tanner (my brother). I could see a violence and toughness in him, even from the very beginning. I admired it but it also terrified me. For I knew that the violence/toughness of my dad, if colliding with that of my brother, could lead to deadly outcomes. But even with that knowledge, and my terrified cowering before this violence/toughness that I saw manifest in the men around me, I so desperately craved that I was violent and tough. But I wasn’t--I was weak and sensitive and moody and soft; essentially I was unfit for life. 

Well fuck, there it is, the thorn in my side. The feeling that has always plagued me--a part of me believes that I’m unfit for life. And this is why I devour philosophy and religion like my life depends upon it. Because a part of me (a very big and deep part--the foundation of my Being) very much so believes that my life does depend upon it. I need to attempt to understand life so that I might make myself fit for it. 

I cut into myself because these openings revealed to me an experience of pure life. They were an attempt to understand life... Life that I am a part of, life that courses through my veins--life that I released with that blade in all those lonely bathrooms. By opening myself in this way I felt like I had some level on control in life. 

I carry both the will/compulsion/drive to denigrate and to affirm life within me. That is, I am both Nazis and Jew; both the destroyer and the destroyed--and that which affirms every destruction. I am the ground and the chaos which takes place on this ground... This is an idea that I can only barely apprehend the edge of yet, but holy shit--it’s something. Are there such a thing as pre-shocks to an earthquake? 

I feel deep within me the contradiction of life. And maybe it was (my apprehension of) this contradiction that I felt to be weakness. Because, one cannot make sense of such a primordial/ fundamental contradiction; especially at the tender age of six. And, alas, we humans seem to feel in control/powerful through our capacity to make/impose sense upon the world. This seems to be an integral part of our nature; if we can make sense of a thing, we feel a bit more like we possess it. And when we possess something we feel in control of it--like it can hurt us no longer. For it is no longer an unknown. 

But, alas, I seem to have always been deeply aware that there are things in/of life that can never be made sense of. My awareness of this made me feel weak--unfit for life-- because I thought that this was an error of/in my particular Being. No one around me seemed to have nearly as much trouble as me comprehending life. Everything confused me, everything impacted me, everything hurt me. 

#february #journal entry

[365days365movies]

February 4, 2021: You’ve Got Mail (Part 2)

You hear that? You’ve Got Mail, and it contains Part 2 of the Review! Check out Part 1 for the rest.

The Shop Around the Corner is beginning to get more public support, with Fox Books taking the role of the villain. But, OK, real talk here...it’s too fuckin’ late. Look, I’m not exactly the biggest supporter of the corporate capitalism that dominates the country, then and now, but...you’re not getting rid of this megastore. And I’m not exactly against a way to get books at lower prices. AND, for that matter, Kathleen’s shop is ONLY A CHILDREN’S BOOK STORE. Where am I going to get my tasteful hardcore Fabio-esque erotica, HUH? Or, for that matter, REALLY GOOD LOOKING DESERTS? Fox Books, that’s where! Or, y’know, at the 241 Starbucks throughout the city. Actually number, by the way, as of 2019.

As if to prove my point, the increased publicity basically changes nothing, and the store’s still on its way under. Kathleen, scared and desperate, formally asks Joe for help, and the two agree to meet. And I’m sure it’s gonna go totally fine. Kevin gives Joe a pep talk (I really like Kevin, by the way), and Joe’s FULLY PREPARED to leave Patricia and marry her on the spot. Still, nervous, he asks Kevin to look.

And yeah, that’s when Joe finds out that it’s Kathleen. And, although he initially leaves...he comes back to see her, pretending not to be the dude, WHEN HE IS OBVIOUSLY THE DUDE. This results in the two having a tete-a-tete once more. It also results in Joe learning what Kathleen thinks of his e-mail persona, making this AN ENTIRELY one-sided relationship. And goddamn, she is also EXTREMELY mean to him. What she says to him hurts ME on a personal level, GODDAMN

This movie is very weirdly mean-spirited, Jesus. And this is also after Joe points out that Kathleen’s basically cheating on Frank, and she BRUSHES IT AWAY LIKE AN INSECT. Joe, clearly (and somewhat understandably) hurt, also breaks it off online, having experienced the verbal assault (also somewhat justified, to be fair) from Kathleen.

The next morning, Joe has officially broken it off in his own head, while Kathleen is convinced that something’s happened to her online boyfriend. The workers at the shop believe that he was actually arrested, as the “Rooftop Killer,” who’s been roaming the city, and was just arrested that night. Later that day, she writes to Joe once again, admitting that she feels bad for the words she said to Joe the previous night, and that she still wishes to meet him at some point.

And Joe, conflicted and confused, reads it and walks away. And during what is a VERY neat editing flourish, he constantly walks past the computer over time, until eventually deciding to reply to her. While he initially tries to make stupid, overcomplicated excuses for “not showing up,” he eventually replies by saying he can’t tell her, but asks for forgiveness. And his letter, despite the circumstances...is actually somewhat heartfelt. He even takes responsibility for his own actions in their conflict, whether or not she realizes it. And the two continue their correspondence.

Time marches on. We find out that Birdie maybe fucked the Spanish dictator in the ‘60s; and Kathleen breaks up with Bernard from Megamind (my girlfriend pointed this out, AND I CANNOT UNSEE IT, HOLY SHIT), after it’s revealed that they...actually don’t love each other, even a little bit. Man, what is it with Meg Ryan amicably breaking up with guys in a restaurant in New York City in February? I hate the fact that this is a specific story beat I’ve seen twice in two days.

The Shop Around the Corner officially closes (and a customer suggests bombing Fox Books, FUCKIN’ YIKES, PRE-9/11 NYC), and Kathleen visits the giant bookstore for the first time. We see the children’s section, and I gotta fuckin tell you...I like the giant bookstore way more. Yeah, sorry, I’m all about that bookcore, that small independent bookstore aesthetic...but DAMN, I love this store!

It’s also revealed that Kathleen was completely right about the employee’s lack of knowledge on books, which Joe sees first hand. Which shows that they...both had good points...huh. That’s...actually a good take on their antagonism. Interesting. Go on, movie, go on. We also find out that Kathleen Kelly has a reputation for good taste and a comprehensive knowledge of children’s books.

This is revealed by Patricia, who’s suddenly revealed to be a...heartless bitch? Self-admitted, even. That revelation is accompanied by Joe and Patricia being trapped in an elevator, where the bitchiness compounds further, and he IMMEDIATELY LEAVES HIS GIRLFRIEND. Should’ve built that up a little better, guys. Or do something else, like...I’ll wait for the Review.

Their correspondence continues, and Kathleen says goodbye to her mother’s store, and the ghosts of her happy memories with her there. It’s poignant, gotta say. The next morning, both John and his dad appear to be on the outs with their significant others, and are living on their boats. A conversation between the two makes Joe realizes that he’d like to be, well...happy in a relationship? A legitimate revelation.

Joe decides to try and make amends with Kathleen, who’s not exactly happy to see him. She’s also currently sick, but Joe’s brought her flowers. They have a conversation, during which they start to have a heart-to-heart, and Joe drops the name of the movie. Smooooooooth.

The two begin a friendship in person, with Kathleen not knowing that Joe is the person she’s been talking to, while Joe is...completely...aware...this is not OK, is it? This relationship is entirely one-sided, and in Joe’s favor. And I genuinely don’t like that. I get that, back in the late ‘90s, during the very fledgling era of internet relationships, that this is a novelty and cute. But, in a post-catfishing time, this movie has aged, once again...like vintage milk. Not fucking well.

Also, real talk, I get that they’re building their relationship as a friendship post-rivalry...but he DID still CRUSH your bookstore. He crushed your mother’s legacy in favor of his own family legacy. It’s, uh...not great, to be honest. And it’s also not terribly convincing, sorry to say. The romantic connection sort of comes out of nowhere. And as the film ends, the weird power play just gets worse and worse. I dunno, it just feels...odd to me.

At the last moment, before Kathleen is set to meet her online friend/love interest, Joe is walking with her and reveals his feelings for her, which are now quite romantic. She’s quite close to reciprocating, but leaves to go on her potential date with the mystery man. She heads to Riverside Park, where the two are to finally meet.

And they do. And she wanted it to be him, so badly.

AND I WOULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM IN THE GODDAMN FACE HOLY SHIT. HE WOULD BE ON. THE. FLOOR IF I WERE IN HER PLACE. I would be FEELING HIS TEETH on my GODDAMN KNUCKLES, I TELL YOU WHAT.

...Yeah, that’s You’ve Got Mail, and I got some fuckin’ ISSUES. See you in the Review, yeah?

#you've got mail #nora ephron #tom hanks #joe fox #meg ryan #kathleen kelly #greg kinnear #parker posey #jean stapleton #steve zahn #dave chappelle #the shop around the corner #romance february #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #tusersophie #usersophie #userbrenda #userbrittany #userood #moviegifs