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nahalism · 7 months

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did you ever need to take sth like antidepressants for anxiety or panick attacks? I recall you speakin about having dealth with them in the past & been wonderin if you ever tried medicating urself for it / would consider it if your nerves were getting too much 4 u at some point down the line or did you develop ur own way around those little&big pits of hell

heyyyyy <3 (this will b long but this question deserves a thorough answer so hope thats ok)

ive been strongly encouraged to take various medications over the years, particularly for anxiety/mood stabilisation, and twoish weeks ago i ended up in hospital cause literally i lost my mind, and i felt so out of it that thats the first time i ever considered not just wanting, but needing medication in order to function. however, i didnt, cause i dont like making decisions in the moment (desperation leads to desperate decisions) and because before that experience and even during it, ive never felt convinced that medication was the solution to the problems i was facing. 1) due to the physical, mental and emotional side effects. & 2) because im not convinced the people prescribing the meds even know what is 'wrong' with me.— a lot of that has to do with the nhs being a mess, (its quicker to get meds than wait thru the referral time to get diagnosed & into therapy) but also, theres a lot of comorbidity in the diagnosis ive been given, so there are multiple things to treat & in their eye's medication gives a faster result than unpacking all of that individually. the recommendation was to put me on a cocktail of drugs that can fuck up my liver kidneys and endocrine system to 'see if it will work' .. :/.

the only thing that has ever worked for me is sitting with myself and my emotions, acknowledging them, doing things at my pace in my time, and structuring my life in a way that is tailored for me and my success rather than being successful in the world or in a socially accepted way. that means having a morning routine that caters to my mental emotional and physical health, (mindful practices, yoga, gardening, sound work etcetc), and finding ways to continue that throughout the day (working creatively and limiting my exposure to people or situations that are not for me/overstimulate me).

that being said, this routine (which is still being refined and altered) works pretty well for me, but comes with sacrifices and isnt fool proof. symptoms of my mental illness still persist & without being medicated people are less lenient when helping someone they feel isnt 'helping themselves', im also still working on how to be as sociable as id like to be, and often my spirals are triggered by the very system i have in place to help me. i often face feeling like a let down, like im lazy, like im a weirdo/recluse, like im incapable of being a normal person etc etc. for example, a lot of the friends i graduated with have experienced crazy growth in their careers and have a sense of social and financial security that i dont have because they can function year round, whereas i have months at a time where i dont feel myself and have to disappear in order to keep sanity and peace in my being, lol. that, and the fact that it takes me a lot of base maintenance and effort to function as a normal person makes me feel like shit if i let it, so i constantly have to remind myself on top of the work i do daily, that whilst there are things others have/experience, that i dont, the inverse is also true, and theres beauty to me being me in my way. and .. yeah 🤷🏽‍♀️. that part is hard. but its also worth it to me and has taught me a lot

all that being said, do your own research and decide what feels right and what is best for YOU. speak to your doctors, therapists, and friends who may be medicated, or look on forums online for perspectives from both sides. [*if anyone reading this has a helpful opinion 2 offer pls comment]. the feeling of helplessness when your in the throws of whatever mental illness you suffer from can be debilitating and if taking a pill everyday or when you need it can fix that, no ones opinion should sway you from doing what you need to do to function. some of my friends who are medicated swear by medication!! (particularly when it comes to adhd meds) cause not being able to process thoughts and function is horrible and ruins lives needlessly.

so yh.. i hope this helps. as long as you do whats best for you, i have no doubt you will find your way through this and that it will be worth it. above all, know that the power of your will, your mind, and your person, is what makes you special, and so even if it takes more for you to show up than it does others, that's absolutely fine. take your time with it, and know what nothing is wasted, because you have no idea the good that can come from working out the details. most of the advice i have to offer comes from making it thru an existential crisis or bout of depression. <3

blessings 2 u love

#ask

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isabelguerra · 1 year

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You've gotta tell us more about your Wizard AU, it is amazing

pandoras box anon you just ripped it in half

paranatural hogwarts is an au ive had for roughly 6 years now. it’s been posted about on ~7 blogs, 2.5 of them mine, with a good amount of it deleted/orphaned bc i get very cold feet talking about things unless theyre with specific people. but despite my efforts to kill it she keeps coming back so you know what. whatever. fine. it wins. let me tell you about wizard au. this is gonna be a long post

pnat hogwarts follows the cast of paranatural in a wizard setting, with a lot (i mean a LOT) of my own spins on things. there’s an overarching plot with the main cast, but it’s less important to the real reason i made it, which was a 6 year long izjo slowburn. thats right. wizard au is my own personal excuse to write as much izjo as i want and make them fall for each other over the torturous span of 6 years. and they cant do anything about it. but i put a lot of non-ship stuff in there too bc as much as its my indulgence au i still want people who are indifferent to the ship to enjoy it if they want. so here’s some overarching lowdowns:

STUDENTS:

isabel!

- isabel is a gryffindor from a super old school magic family

- the guerra name is a GIGANTIC in this au. super old family, super old money, super old power. francisco is much, much older than he is in canon and is hailed as one of the most powerful wizards in history, known for pioneering an entire art form of wandless magic. wizards from all corners of the globe come to train with him to learn the honed technique. but he’s dead, and his son is nowhere to be found, and isabel is the heiress to the guerra family name as soon as she turns 18. so she has a lot riding on her shoulders and is expected to take over and ‘grow out’ of using her wand. francisco allows it while she learns at hogwarts because he considers it a frivolous childs play technique, but will not tolerate any thing less from her studies than excellence.

- isabel, however, just wants to play quidditch and sneak around with her friends and read books and learn spells.

- her best subjects are charms, care for magical creatures, and DatDA. she sucks at potions and herbology.

- in their second year she joins the quidditch team and becomes one of gryffindor’s beaters with johnny. in their fifth year she makes team captain, which he pokes fun at her for for the rest of their school days. they butt heads a lot in their earlier years but are solidly friends by the time theyre both 15. but more on that later

- when she was 6 isabel befriended a baby acromantula, which she named eightfold. after bringing eightfold with her to hogwarts for 2 years, eventually she becomes too big to keep in her dorm and isabel hides her in the library were she can eat as many dusty old books as she likes. but when rumors of a monster among the stacks begins circulating the student body, she has to sneak eightfold out to the forbidden forest in the middle of the night and say goodbye to her friend at the risk of her safety. she still visits when she can

max

- max is a slytherin halfblood who didnt know his mom was a witch. in his first year he falls into an acromantula pit and hates spiders ever since, even though isabel tells him theyre actually very sweet. on their way out of the forbidden forest, he catches the attention of a blind basalisk, which he keeps running into for years to come.

- when theyre 16, max is chosen as hogwarts’ triwizard champion. he does not win. his friends love him very much for it

- him and isabel go to the yule ball together because isabel got a lot of people asking her out but none of them were anyone she actually liked (cough) and max is as much of a homebody as he is a chad. its very much a ‘okay i’ll do the first dance with you so you dont get laughed at and then we can do whatever we want the rest of the night so go have fun with whoever you wanna ok?’ situation

- max’s boggart is an acromantula

- he cannot fly and the one time isabel tried to get him to play quidditch in their 2nd year he broke his arm

- max , having grown up in the human world, likes to sneak in laptops and dvd players and show the wizard friends movies.

- theyll all do movie nights in the gryffindor common room at isabels invitation, which johnny will crash, which ollie will also crash. then they all end up on different areas of the couch floor and surrounding armchairs covered in blankets and watching the human wonders of Home Alone 2 and Megamind

- in their 1st year, max finds a compass hidden in a locked room. after lugging it around and thinking it useless for a couple weeks, he realizes this thing doesnt point north, but shows you the exact direction you need to get wherever you need to go most. this helps an INCREDIBLE amount to show him, and therefore the rest of the activity club, direct pathways to secret passages and routes to avoid teachers when sneaking around at night. the compass has no identifying marks on it aside from the name Smith elegantly seared into its side

- the AC and the jang steal Smith’s compass back and forth from each other literally the entirety of their school life. johnny will grab it from isabels robe when she’s in the quidditch changing room, max will grab it from stephen when hes napping in the slytherin commonroom, isabel jinxes johnny to get it back, ed and rj play rock paper kick-your-knees-in to decide who gets it, etc

- suzy has been trying to get her hands on it for years. YEARS. but each time she cooks up a plan to figure out how the eight of those guys can get from one side of the castle to another so quick, theyre already gone

isaac

- is a year ahead of them, ravenclaw, with both wizard parents. i know blair just wrote a whole post about why isaac is a gryffindor and i thought that her reasoning was super cool but i stand by my placement that hes a ravenclaw he’s too flashy

- isaac doesnt have too much plot relevance, which i kinda feel bad about now that i like him more. he became a prefect in his 5th year and worked as defence against the dark arts teaching assistant in his 7th year, when the rest of his friends went up against their 6th year boggarts.

- for the record isaacs boggart is sasuke breaking up with him

- isabel and isaacs relationship is better in this, i tried to interpret isaac as less of an Insufferable Tortured Sadboy more of a Teenager Who Is Just Kind Of A Dramatic Dick Sometimes And Thats Fine

- isabel becomes a gryffindor prefect in her 5th year, so she and isaac sometimes hang out during patrols or meetings and chat about it

- can fly ok but isnt great at it and doesnt play quidditch. best subjects are potions and transfiguration, but he kinda sucks at history of magic and astronomy

- hufflepuff adopted member of the guerra family. parents worked for the ministry and disappeared mysteriously

- i made ed nb here so just putting that out there. canon nb ed

- befriends johnnys gang later on than canon, around 3rd year. him and rj i think ended up dating? they go to yule together in their 6th year

- one time jinxed himself to only speak in puns. max hounded him for the countercurse but he never got it until 2 weeks had passed

- loves and GREAT at charms. bad at DatDA and history of magic

johnny (+ the gang)

- johnnys a muggleborn gryffindor and the other beater on gryffindors quidditch team w/ isabel

- worst wizard you will ever meet. not in the ‘bad with magic’ way, but in the ‘oh god why did this guy have to get magic’ way

- you think REGULAR bullyings bad??? imagine WIZARD BULLYING. with SPELLS

- johnny finds out hes a wizard and immediately thinks Ah How Can I Use This Information To Torment People and then does exactly that until like their 4th year when he gets some sense knocked into him

- literally knocked into him. he gets a concussion from from taunting a hippogryff.

- hes particularly attuned to heat magic, has a higher body temperature than normal people, and sometimes catches fire if really wound up about something. has been known to occasionally blow steam out his ears

- remember how isabel hides eightfold until their 2nd year? johnny catches isabel speaking with her in the library and nearly freaks out before she pushes him against a bookcase and swears him to secrecy “or else my spider will eat you”

- he catches isabel sneaking out of the gryffindor commonroom at night a week later and gets roped into helping her sneak eightfold out. theyre sortof friends at this point but theres a lot of perilous bickering. which is ridiculous because theire sneaking a 3ft tall spider out into the woods at 1am underneath a blanket and trying not to get caught. look at yourselves

- it works though and they chase each other the whole way back laughing and trying to avoid ghosts and teachers, snatching smith’s compass back nd forth

- theyre super tired by the time theyre safe in the commonroom. they both collapse in front of the fire and isabel kinda clears her throat like hey so. thanks for helping tonight. dont you ever tell anyone but it was scary letting her go and having someone else there really um. you helped. so thanks.

- johnny who does not know how to deal with genuinity even from the gang is sitting there like. hm ?

- nd shes like DONT let this get to your head idiot i just. yeah i had a lot more fun than i thought i wouldve. i thought it was gonna just be me walking my best friend somewhere id never see her again. but it wasnt, it was fun and got my adrenaline going and that wouldntve happened if i did it alone so.. yeah. i had a really fun night. thanks. for being there with me. i mean it.

- and if johnny didnt know how to deal with earnesty he DEFINITELY doesnt know how to deal with the girl he fight with all the time giving him an ACTUAL REAL SMILE and laughing all out of breath and looking at him earnestly in the light of the fire and. and he needs to leave. right now. oh he needs to get out of here

- haha that was a weird feeling! good thing it wont happen again!

- anyway thats how johnnys crush on isabel starts. it lasts 5 years.

- aside from that though he’s an AWESOME quidditch player and duellist, great at DatDA, and is the best jinxer you’ll ever meet.

- he dorms with ollie, who is the only other gryffindor in the cast aside from isabel. theyre roommates (:

- FORGE!!!!! in johnnys second year he finds a creepy old knights helmet in the woods and brings it back to his dorm in secret. turns out the helmet talks, and tries to get johnny to help him with some kind of mission. from then on forge lives under johnnys bed and does everything from giving him advice to giving him fully fledged lectures. forge likes to talk to the paintings when johnny isnt around

- when 5th year rolls around and isabel’s appointed quidditch captain by their old leader, he jokingly calls her ‘captain’ in every opportunity he can find. (it’s only half joking but he’d never admit to that)

- by 5th year he genuinely respects her leadership but WOULD LIKE FOR REAL die (and kill) if anyone ever found that out so it’s still all friendly teasing and rivalry. but it’s a HUGE step from where they were 2nd year though, where one time in a match against ravenclaw they got in a fight mid game. in the air. the match had to be stopped bc the 2 gryffindor beaters kept trying to shove each other Off Of Their Brooms While 100 Feet In The Sky

- stephen is born to wizard parents and is completely wholly undividedly obsessed with the human world. he’s INCREDIBLE at divination but he doesnt think its real. every prediction he makes comes true but ONLY the ones he says as jokes or doesnt take seriously. every single one.

- stephens a slytherin and heckles max in their commonroom every chance he gets. steals his slippers. etc.

- ollie is the only other gryffindor with isabel and johnny. him and johnny bunk together their entire school careers

- he’s great at care for magical creatures. awful on a broom. came from a half magic family, hes known johnny since they both were little. they found out they were both magic users around the same time.

- johnny goes to ollie about his Not Feelings sometime around the start of their 6th year and ollies like are you kidding me do you not think i have eyes. youve been sighing over guerra since like 2nd year and johnny goes WHAT

- rj is a hufflepuff with the others (“WE wouldnt ditch you johnny”) and i dont have as much on them as i’d like. but its also 6:30am so what can you do ig

supernormals+ journalism club!

- cody and lisa are twins. if i cant have it in canon im going to have it in my au. cody and lisa are twins and also fillipino. cody is a hufflepuff, lisa is a slytherin.

- cody is a great flier! he joined the hufflepuff quidditch team in their 3rd year as a seeker, hes a cool guy

- lisa is a potions MASTER and loves to make magic drinks with them. these are usually super popular around wizard finals, but she makes a hot chocolate that’ll keep you warm for hours, an apple juice to turn your tongue green, truth potions that she sells under the table for a pretty dime, etc etc.

- lisa ABSOLUTELY knows about johnnys crush on isabel. not through dark blackmail, shes just a weird girl who has an uncanny knack for knowing things. she doesnt use it against him but she DOES know and he DOES know she knows and they do NOT talk about it

- and when isabel gets it back. well. maybe they talk about it a little

- shes often found in the slytherin commonroom talking to the merfolk, or walking the grounds/herbology cabinets for potions ingredients with violet

- speaking of which! violets a hufflepuff. shes pretty well rounded in terms of magic, but in a lowkey way. i honestly dont have much for violet but she does go to yule with lisa

- jeff is also a hufflepuff, bc he loves his friends and values working hard. him and ed have hangouts a lot and its a pretty social group.

- dimitri is both the best and worst ravenclaw you’ll ever meet. if he ever cant figure out the commonroom riddle he HAS been known to just sleep right there outside the door

- collin was a hufflepuff when i first made this au, but i think i wanna reconsider that. i dont have much more for him atm sorry lol

- suzy is a slytherin and runs hogwarts’ newspaper. i’ll write more on her someday sorry AGAIN i just got hit with a wave of Tired

TEACHERS:

- spender teaches history of magic bc duh. he’s also head of ravenclaw house

- lucifer is a painting in his office which he talks to frequently

- garcia teaches defence against the dark arts. he is NOT a werewolf in this au bc i like him better when hes just some guy. he does however have some weird relationship with the giant squid in the lake

- when i wrote this originally zarei taught potions, but now im thinking maybe she teaches transfiguration? patchworm is a boa constrictor she speaks to and has hang around for companionship. the students joke that theyre a teachers aide. zarei is head of slytherin house

- starchman is the charms professor and head of gryffindor house. he teaches magic very, very enthusiastically.

- agent day teaches herbology and runs hufflepuff house! venus guytrap is an audrey 2-esque 7ft tall magic talking flytrap that lives in the greenhouse

- boss leader. i. okay. i made boss leader so unbelievably ridiculous that i still get a headache over it. boss leader started off as being hogwarts headmaster. but then i thought ‘huh if she runs the consortium, wouldnt that be more akin to the ministry? but i really like her as headmaster, what do i do here’

- the answer is to make her Headmistress Boss Leader, Minister of Magic

- i dont know if ill keep that last part but even the phrase Headmistress Leader puts me into a fucking coma

SPIRITS:

- i said some of these already but ill say them again

- eightfold: baby acromantula living in the library. isabel and johnny sneak her out of the castle in their 2nd year

- scrapdragon: a blind basilisk who max meets in the forbidden forest

- muse: a painting in ed’s dorm (i think)

- king C: a wind spirit that has taken a particular liking to isaac and now doesnt leave him alone

- forge: a severed knights head johnny found in the forbidden forest and took home. has some hidden agenda and business inside the school. gives johnny advice. lives under his bed

- lucifer: much like muse and ed, lucifer is a painting in spenders office

- patchworm: boa constrictor doubling as minas animal companion. minas a parseltongue so they chat

- venus guytrap: a huge flytrap grown in the herbology greenhouses. professor day keeps him in her office mostly

- Big Scary Shadow Spirit: this one is fun. i love this one. the shadow in this AU is a basilisk king living underneath the school. i say ‘basilisk king’- like a rat king but snakes, a bunch of them all knotted together at the tails. if you dont know what a rat king is, dont google it it’s disgusting and horrible. great for writing though. since basilisks are immune to each others gazes, this just leaves a terrifying writhing mass of snakes entangled in each other forever. ironically, the blind snake max has made himself known to used to be part of its masses.

OKAY. okay. okay i cant write any more for this ask. oh my god i love this stupid au so much. i love wizards. please ask me more about it. i couldnt get too specific here bc theres so much and i wanted to give more of an overview- but if you want to know about any particular character/year/plot moment/ship (cough) id be HAPPY to go into detail. tysm for asking abt my au this made me really happy !!!! i hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as i did writing about it

#paranatural #pnat hogwarts #isabel guerra #max puckett #ed burger #isaac oconnor #johnny jhonny #uhhh i cant tag everyone. or maybe i can but not right now #tysm again for asking :’)!!!#wizard au

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coghive · 1 year

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[Download] No Chorus - Testimony Jaga

Multi-award winning singer and street evangelist Testimony Jaga sets the tone for the year with a new sound ‘NO Chorus’ the song is a build up to another single set for release within the month of February. Known with the popular slogan Jaga is here, Jesus is here making a statement with this sound to debunt the lies from the pit of hell making rounds.

The lyrics captures the story of a young man who is striving to fulfill his mandate on earth, but a lot are making an effort to pull him down but forgetting to note that he didn't call himself. A man who didnt call himself relies solely on the one who have called him to serve. Whatever a man tries to do to see another fall will only be a futile endeavour. Enjoy the groove. No Chorus - Testimony Jaga Watch Video & Download Audio Below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdbgX34kSd4 https://coghive.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/NO-CHORUS-BY-TESTIMONY-JAGA.mp3 NO CHORUS Intro: Emi mi mo ja ju o ogun lo: Ori ja ju ogun lo: jaga is here Jesus is here olorun mi ja ju ogun lo: Jesu mi ja ju ogun lo: eyi Yi Ori ja ju ogun lo: Ah na na olorun mi ja ju ogun lo: Jesu mi ja ju ogun lo: This song no get chorus,na the true talk I wan talk. This song no get chorus,na the true talk I one talk. This song no get chorus,na the true talk I wan talk. This song no get chorus, you must hear my true talk Them say why o, why o! As we dey try make fall we just dey fly O everything wey we try he no dey work O why be say na only you just dey shine O why O, why O everything wey we try he no dey work O… As we try make you fall we just dey fly O everything thing we try he no dey work O why be say na only you just dey shine O You no no say anointing dey my head o, And this anointing no be ordinary anointing You no no say anointing dey my head O, and this anointing is a meshrack anointing yo o o I say yo o o you are busy chasing me chasing soul. me I no get time for anybody. anything wey you like you fit talk O ye! ijapa leyin n ju emi n Jun esin: ilekun ti e to oluwa mi to sii babaulaku baba yin e o le mu mi: Emi gangan no won n pe no agbero,Jesu kristi, apero Jesu kristi: Ti ogun eni ba da ni loju a fi n gba’ri ni: Jesu mi dami lo ju, mo fo n gbayi ni: Oruko ti o pon mi le, ti o fun mi ni’yi ni: Anywhere I go,: mo kan n gba’yi ni ] I just keep getting honoured oro kin pa ojo, Ori kinpa osu: oro to aye wi to ko pa paito Kris: oro aye yo o ti’e bother mi: alaye mi mo no k’e solmin: I get I don’t care attitude nkan to won de oluwa mi ti tu: Right now, I’m feeling cool ni nu Jehovah mo wa am : I’m feeling good dooooooooo person wey dey cost hold up no dey goooo anywhere some dey your life Dem no one go anywhere and them no want make you go anywhere You beta wise up make you live them there As you see me so I no dey convince oo I know what I’m call me for na him I dey go oo Anywhere Jesus send me na where I dey go oo some people want to cost you distraction Sha there life no get any vision, alaye mi: dey mo get any mission there mission na to cost your destruction. o ni owo l’aye o run de padanu orun: A n ba s’oro jesu; o run wa n Yi orun: Iya ti o ma je e o n be l’egbe orun: o je gba jesu yi ko ya ko osi Yi d’anu CHORUS] This song no get chorus,na the true talk I wan talk. This song no get chorus,na the true talk I one talk. This song no get chorus,na the true talk I wan talk. This song no get chorus, you must hear my true talk Them say why o, why o! As we dey try make fall we just dey fly O everything wey we try he no dey work O why be say na only you just dey shine O why O, why O everything wey we try he no dey work O… As we try make you fall we just dey fly O everything thing we try he no dey work O why be say na only you just dey shine O Read the full article

#NoChorus #TestimonyJaga

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robert-de-niro-only-fans · 3 years

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"You're All Wet"

Sam "Ace" Rothstein x Reader

Um, I made the decision to call him Ace in this fic, not entirely sure why! Reader and Ace knew each other before he went to Las Vegas and Reader stops in to visit, enjoy!!!

TW: implied smut, cheating, mentions of gang activity

Word Count: 1.7k

Just like any other night at The Tangiers, Ace Rothstein stalks the casino floor, like a predator waiting to pounce at the sight of a cheater in his beloved establishment. As his eyes scan the crowd, carefully watching everyone's body language for anything odd, there's a hitch when he swears he sees someone familiar. His eyes quickly double back and they land on you. In that moment, he feels like he's travelled back to the past and in another world simultaneously.

"(Y/N)?" he blinks in disbelief, "(Y/N), is that you?" He hasn't seen you in years! That face is all too familiar to him, but that body? Well... Let's just say you've grown up a bit.

"I gotta say, you're not looking so sharp right now, Ace, not with that dumbfounded look on your face," you giggle, holding your arms out for a hug, "You look like you've seen a ghost or something!"

He holds you tightly to him, nuzzling into the crook of your neck for a moment before pulling back and getting a better look at your face, "God... I feel like I have! Fuck, where are my manners, how have you been, darlin'?"

As you catch up, wandering away from the pits to somewhere more private, Ace finds his mind wandering back to old times in the Midwest, to when he knew you best. You're Remo Gaggi's only niece; you grew up with nothing but guys around you, guys who are all involved in the family business, so it only made sense that you were so interested in it too. But it was different with you, Gaggi wanted you to wait until you were an adult before getting into anything, so by the time you were allowed to know anything, you took it seriously because you knew you had something to prove being the only girl in the business.

Ace always admired how you came out swinging the minute you turned 18, ready to prove all your cousins and uncles wrong about you. But he really didn't get to see too much of it, before him and Nicky got sent to Las Vegas.

He even remembers their going away party, everyone getting together one last time before moving to the desert to make the bosses more cash than they could dream of. He remembers how you started to tear-up telling him goodbye, but you had a lot of pride and didn't want any of the guys to see you cry. However, you did cry when you finally got a moment alone with him, and Ace wiped your tears, promising you'd see each other again. And now, here you are in, halfway across the country, making sure that promise is kept.

"Where are ya stayin' tonight, doll?"

"Oh, just at some plaza hotel or something," you shrug.

"By yourself?" Sam inquires.

"Yeah, I'm grown now, ya know!"

"Oh no, no, that won't do. A girl like you shouldn't stay by herself in a city like this," he takes your hand across the table your both seated at, "Come stay with me."

"Ace, I don't wanna be a burden..."

"You're not a burden. I'm so happy to see you, it'd be an honor to have you in my home." His grip on your hand tightens reassuringly.

"You sure your wife will be okay with it?" It was the only defense you have left.

"My wife, eh?" He looks left then right slyly, "You know who pays for the place, right? I'll have a guest over if I like."

• • •

The next few days felt like old times but in a whole new place, a much richer and more luxurious place. Your first morning at Sam's house, you woke up early from jet lag, so you took the liberty of making breakfast for everyone. To which you were met with a "You didnt have to do that," when Ace caught you, but it was followed up by him hugging you from behind and laying his head on you, practically sleeping while standing up.

Of course, you hung out with Nicky too! They showed you all around their new stomping grounds out west. However, you can tell that Ace is making an effort to get alone time with you; you'd always had a special bond back home. Hell, you cried over the man when he left! You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss that closeness.

One night, as you're having a relaxing bubble bath in Ace's luxurious guest bathroom, you ponder on how much longer you should stay in Vegas. You bought a one way ticket because you weren't sure how things would go and you didn't want to be stuck here if things got hairy, but now... You feel like you want to stay for a while, but you don't want to take advantage of your friend's kindness either.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the doorknob wiggling before Ace lets himself in. "What? So you just walk in on girls in the bathroom now? I guess with all these Vegas dancers throwin' themselves at you, you must think you're hot shit or something."

"Oh, hush," he cracks a smile, strolling across the tiled floor before sitting down on the toilet lid.

As he sits back and looks you over, your head and bare shoulders being the only thing exposed, you taunt, "Like the view?"

He lightly snorts and shakes his head at you, "You look good, but I just wanted to spend some time with you before the wife gets home. God knows when that'll be." He rolls his eyes at the thought of his wife.

"You don't think it'll look suspicious, uh, hanging out with me while I'm in the bath?"

His eyes wander as if he's deep in thought, then he shrugs and returns his attention to you. "What did you do today?"

"Nothing too crazy. You and Nicky have had me so busy that I just went out for a mani-pedi," you relax back against the wall of the tub.

"Ooh, let me see," he says, leaning forward towards you. You slide a hand and a foot out from under the mountain of bubbles and hook them on the edge of the tub.

He inspects them before taking his hand in yours and holding it closer to him, "Very pretty, I like the color," he says quietly, then he presses a soft kiss to your knuckles.

"Thank you," you giggle at him.

He returns your chuckle and places a few more kisses to the back of your hand and wrist.

"Ace, what are you doing?!" You squeal!

He simply let's out a hum and continues kissing up your arm, his kisses slowly turning from funny to passionate as he passes your elbow. Ace scoots away from his seat on the toilet and kneels beside your bath, lips never leaving your arm.

You feel that fire creeping up in your belly as he rounds your shoulder, lips and tongue working the soft skin of your clavicle. Your other hand rises up out of the bath water, and you cup the back of the man's head.

Feeling a bit of hesitation, Ace slowly moves his lips towards your neck, receiving a small but pleased exhale from you. As your eyes flutter closed, you tilt your head back, giving him access to your sensitive skin. He suckles and nibbles there for what feels like eternity but also only a second, eliciting a series of breathy moans from your lips.

After placing a few kisses to the spot, he pulls away from you slightly, just enough to see your face. You stare at each other in a haze, familiar eyes locked onto yours, and his better judgement leaves him as he graces his lips across yours. Your lips dance with one another's, eyelashes brushing the other's face, in such a soft gentle moment, before he claims your mouth with his. Your emotions are on high from the passionate kiss, until you remember this isn't old times and this man before you is no longer yours to take.

Your lips part from his, "Sam..." It's just above a whisper.

The use of his first name makes the severity of the situation hang in the air like wind chimes waiting for a breeze, the sound of silence deafening to your ear drums. You'd only ever called him that once before, also in a serious moment: a moment when your confession of your feelings for him hung on the tip of your tongue, but you didn't want him to carry that weight to Vegas with him.

His eyes glance over your visage, that beautiful face filled with worry. You should never feel anything but happiness, Ace thinks to himself. The rough pad of his thumb gently strokes your cheek, while the rest of his fingers nestle just behind your ear. Your eyes are cast down, trying not to look at him, so you don't see it coming when he leans forward and kisses you again.

Your lips move together once again, and your hands find his shoulders, gripping onto him as if he might slip away. You sit up on your knees in the bathtub, and immediately Ace's arms are around your waist, pulling your soaking wet body close to his. His hands tangle in your damp locks, and he fumbles around before throwing a leg over the wall of the bath tub and sliding into the water with you. He settles down onto his knees and pulls you across his lap, never breaking your kiss.

Your fingertips comb through his hair, as your making out slows to a halt. Gently cupping his cheek, you take a look at him, "You're all wet," you state quietly.

Slowly, this elicits laughter from both of you. You both stay like that for a moment before he takes you in his arms and lifts you from your bath, carefully stepping out and leaving a hefty trail of water leading right to the guest bedroom where you've been staying.

That night as he makes love to you with his clothes piled in a wet heap on the floor all around the bed, the only thing on his mind is you. He's waited what feels like a lifetime to have you, so nothing would keep him from you, not even the sound of his wife coming home somewhere between rounds 3 and 4.

#robert de niro #robert de niro x reader #robert de niro fanfic #sam ace rothstein #sam ace rothstein x reader #fanfic

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weirdlypersonalrpmemes · 3 years

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sentence starters: text posts from a generator i’ve bookmarked, part 2. tw: some suggestive prompts.

❝ welcome to the dark sludge pit. down here we worship my ass ❞

❝ i didnt know it was illegal to purchase the white house? ❞

❝ i am a fox. i break into the farmers chicken coop. i flirt with neopets? ❞

❝ ive seen geese. i know what they can do to a person. i saw one of them expect good things out of a decent person ❞

❝ to-do list: - make bed. - do homework. - wash dishes. - call mom. - spy on aliens ❞

❝ welcome to the potion store. this potion allows you to worship gamergate ❞

❝ all proceeds from this bake sale will go toward my efforts to thrash on the floor and yell about bad things ❞

❝ im warning you not to trust neurotypicals ❞

❝ i think we take it for granted that i worship horses ❞

❝ *sees another human being* time to create the end of days ❞

❝ back in my scene days i tried to admire meninism ❞

❝ when i wake up i immediately think deeply about trash ❞

❝ one thing ive learned is that its surprisingly easy to admire girls? ❞

❝ its impossible to harm this loathsome flesh suit ❞

❝ elves are better than dwarves because they pretend to like nature ❞

❝ isnt being vegan when you dont eat meat and you growl at peperony and chease ❞

❝ if aliens came to earth i think the first thing theyd do would be pretend to be the president ❞

❝ is your bed made? is your sweater on? do you want to meet wolves ❞

❝ i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. i pretend to care about communism ❞

❝ the lyrics are: take me to church / i'll thrash on the floor and yell about hell ❞

❝ all those rpg video games are the same. leveling up and fighting dragons. i want something different... a video game where u check out stuff ❞

❝ you can eat life ❞

❝ reblog this if you sink into the warm embrace of boys ❞

❝ hello this is the popsicle police. yes sir youve been stopped today because you keep trying to use your popsicles to smell like beyonce ❞

❝ it is not polite to pretend to care about aliens ❞

❝ every time you SIN you gain ONE SINPOINT. i SIN frequently and gain SINPOINTS often because i experience my problems ❞

❝ (flopping around on the mossy forest floor) i dont dream about flesh ❞

❝ this is a warning: do not regret love ❞

❝ ive made a lot of mistakes but at least i dont pretend to like adam sandler ❞

❝ i only feel attraction to boys who have a strong beak and claws and think deeply about my ass ❞

#sentence starters #rp meme #rp memes #ask meme #ask memes #inbox meme #inbox memes #mine #text posts from a generator i’ve bookmarked

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harley-style · 3 years

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mcyt brain rot for you all

this is both anysis and headcanon and au scenario, all blended together. you're welcome :D

----------

i have this headcanon,,,, cobbled together by some tumblr posts i read,,,, but some of them point out that wilbur is like, good at manipulating people as well to a point, right?

so i was thinking. what if his reach extended far beyond what anyone thought of? *what if wilbur's influence spread to dream?*

i know we've discussed this before (or sparrow analyzed it idk) but like. hear me out. this headcanon has to do with how wilbur wants to create a narrative. pit it against dream and his presumed original desires to create a safe happy place for his friends. wilbur's insistence that dream is the "tyrant". what if wilbur saw how dream was pointedly staying out of conflict, decided, "i dont like that," and began twisting the storyline and pulled dream's strings (pointedly off camera bc headcanons, babyyyy) so that dream would eventually fall into ruin, as the disgraced tyrant?

and dream...he KNOWS what wilbur's doing. to him specifically. and he's struggling so hard at the beginning, judging by his soft, passive demeanor when wilbur asks about the tnt.

i think, that somewhere along the line, dream lost sight of where his boundaries lied, and falls right into wilbur's plot pit and became The Villain. and he's like, fuck. I went and done it, oh no.

and....it worsens.

i had this whole scenario in my head that dream fully embraces the villain role, plays wilbur's game and completes the "narrative"...but is so fed up with wilbur and his stupid fucking ploys that he...bends the rules a little. changes shit up.

something...oh, a little like "lets speedrun my fall into villainy" bc it wouldn't be dream without the speedrun.

fast forward to prison. maybe if dream finally gets to resurrect wilbur. and wilbur is Not Pleased with how dream has decided to handle his narrative.

but its like. dream doesn't give two shits about wilbur's goddamn narrative anymore. he **played wilbur's game**. he's done with his role. he's given them peace, given them a happy end.

sure, he's given the rest plenty of trauma, but hey, it all turned out okay in the end, right? theyve got their happy ending. theyve BEATEN the big bad nightmare. his role is OVER.

but wilbur doesnt like it. doesnt like the lengths dream went to. it wasn't supposed to be like this. dream wasn't supposed to turn out this much of a *monster.*

and dream laughs. "will, wilby, wilbur," he croons madly, in his pretty little cell, preening like a cat. "i dont care," he hisses. "you fucking wanted this. you WANTED me to be this way. right? mr. revolutionary man? come on now, dont tell me you never expected this."

and wilbur tries to protest, but dream cuts him off.

"no. NO. dont' play your stupid littke games on me wilbur. you udnerstand? im DONE. im so sick of your bullshit, your countries your wars and your stupid fucking "story". I WANTED PEACE AND SAFETY. ALL i asked was "hey, don't be jerks, we're all one big community," and you didn't even have the DECENCY to just adhere to those rules, not even a little bit! you -- i let you in here because of TOMMY, you know that? the reason you even got to BE in this world was because tommy "vouched" for you. said you would be a great addition. and tommy-- i loved that kid back then, you know? he was bright and annoying and he made the server FUN. you took that brilliance, took that kid, and turned him against me, against ALL of us -- for what? independence? I HANDED YOU INDEPENDENCE AND YOU SPAT IT IN MY FACE LIKE IT WAS THE MOST VILE THING YOUVE EVER RECEIVED. i didnt even ENFORCE my rules, they were so loose literally EVERYONE broke them at some point.

but you? you had the audacity to call me a tyrant. to call me selfish, greedy, controlling. and then you declared war. the pet wars, the first disc wars weren't even close to the intensity you brewed during the revolution.

you had this little ideal in your head. and ill have to hand it to you, it was certainly impressive. but you didnt need to press it, to pressure it on the people of my server. you did anyway. you created this plot, this scheme to paint me as the villain, as the final boss. and you know what? FINE! if this is what it takes for them to be safe and happy, i'll be the villain.

but don't come in here expecting me to play that role again. i DID my part. i united them. my work is over.

but you, wilbur? heh. you get to deal with ALL the consequences of your war games. you'll be the one dealing with tommy's nightmares, tubbo's anger, everyone's hatred, fuck, you even get to deal with the egg!! isnt that nice? i was willing to deal with the egg, you know, it appeared before the whole election thing. but since you're here, you may as well take over. because you're SO great at directing them, you know? better than i ever could.

point is, wilbur, you don't get to use me as the tyrant, the final boss, the bad guy, and the villain anymore. when i said i would be putting the most powerful person in here, I wasn't fucking lying!"

"but tommy said you were going to put him in there!"

"you know, with the amount of times ive practically lied to that kid, im surprised he still believed me. i was never planning to put him in here. no one else would be put in here. hell, even techno and phil would just have gotten stuck here for about a week. i had guidelines, you know. i put them in a book somehwere, in one of my bases. no one was supposed to get unfair treatment. unfortunately i seemed to have pulled the short end of thr stick. that seems to be all that im doing these days."

"dream—"

"no. don't do that. don't pull me into another one of your plots wilbur. i don't want to hear it. you got your villain. your villain is gone, wilbur.

it's time to be the hero. :)"

basically my points here are like.

-wilbur made a narrative that dream didnt agree with

-this narrative painted dream in a negative villian light so dream basically said "yeah fuck that" and spedran his role

-headcanons galore i really do like the idea of dream creating that prison for himself to be locked in

-once wilbur is back he visits dream and explains his displeasure that dream went and did the things he did bc 1) hurt a lot of people personally and 2) did not adhere to the villain role wilbur specifically assigned to dream

-additional mentions: both wanted peace but in different forms. dream wanted peace for peace's sake but wilbur wanted peace after struggles. dream genuinely loved everyone on the server, but had to shed those attachments because to him, PERSONALLY, it would be a weakness towards his "villainous" role. his threatening of tubbo in front of tommy so tommy can "be the hero like spiderman and batman" shows that he knows exactly how empowering attachments are. lastly, dream only began manipulating people after the pogtopia arc. he mostly stayed the neutral party during it, and was just reacting with plans among plans during the lmanburg revolution.

-additionally, wilbur really wanted to stay dead, but dream said "haha no" and alived him again bc if he has to be the one to inflict trauma onto people then wilbur has to suffer leading the efforts to recovery.

hi @dreamsclock u keep giving me brainrot so im tossing this at u thank u goodbye i hope u dont mind the tag

#dream smp #dsmp #roleplay #au idea #dreamwastaken #wilbur soot #villain dream #will dreamsclock see this #idk #dreamsclock

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endcant · 3 years

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aimless musings on subgenre, citypop, and internet subcultures

theres something very interesting about watching citypop become very mainstream in korea and watching that feed back into both western listeners’ opinions and also into the sometimes-cynical efforts of a variety of kpop producers

a lot of people in the youtube/kpop sphere talk about the growth of citypop as if it were a spontaneous wave that appeared out of nowhere with mariya takeuchi’s plastic love getting picked up by the youtube algorithm in like 2018 or whatever, but thats a very like online-ignorant view of the interaction between vintage japanese music and worldwide online EDM production. citypop has been used in future funk and vaporwave for almost a decade by now, and, as a result, a number of citypop songs took off on social media here and there before plastic love’s acceleration— dress down by kaworu akimoto is one of the big examples off the top of my head, but there’s likely many many more.

youtube

“Plastic Love” by Mariya Takeuchi (1984). if you haven’t heard this yet, you’d better listen to it now. The video that first went viral was uploaded in 2017

youtube

“Selfish High Heels” by Yung Bae, Macross 82-99, and Harrison (2014) is a popular Future Funk remixes of Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto (1986)

people who haven’t been very aesthetically literate online over the years— musically or visually, since those things are tied in subcultures— treat things like they come from nowhere. there are ongoing subcultural conversations that lead to certain aesthetic choices, and when someone tries to cash in on a trend without understanding what the trend is, that leads people to call bullshit. calling bullshit is not meanspirited, in my opinion, because it very much is like somebody who can’t speak a language getting up in front of everybody and saying “hey, i’m fluent!” and then speaking some vaguely that-language-sounding nonsense. of course people who genuinely speak that language will be outraged instinctively. it feels like being mocked.

that’s why the difference between music producers picking up on a trend cynically and music producers picking up on a trend with earnest interest in that trend’s origins feels different, even if the producers are similarly distant from the original subculture that produced that trend.

youtube

“Lady” by Yubin (2018) committed hard to the 80s JP citypop aesthetic, musically and visually, down to the sets, all fairly early in the major resurgence.

i’m sure that anyone with a passing familiarity with citypop and kpop can ascertain that not all kpop producers know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is that it is on-trend and they have to make it. not all kpop listeners know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is their idol said citypop as a buzzword in their little prepared statement. all this results in some interesting moments for me as a Music Fan, Online.

here is where i get to the thing that spurred this post: loona “did a citypop” for their japanese comeback. it doesnt sound like citypop.

youtube

“Hula Hoop (Citypop Version)” by Loona (2021). It has very odd percussion rhythms and mixing for citypop, no real attempt at a citypop verse, and strangely sparse gestures towards citypop in the form of a few seconds of bass and some synthesized orchestral embellishments that were taken from the original mix …all in spite of a very disco-inspired melody that should have worked perfectly for citypop

this is not a very big deal, and im not mad about it or anything. when a kpop act i like gets saddled with an unfortunate B-Side track i dont tend to take it very hard. however, it did raise a little bit of musical discourse in the loona fandom— in the form of remixes.

youtube

“hula hoop if it was actually a citypop song” by loonahatetwinks and Olivia Soul on youtube. this one has an original instrumental that is spot-on for contemporary k-citypop

My most favorite one of these remixes is a futurefunk remix by ZSunder, one of the very best LOONA fan producers. The fact that ZSunder thought to make a future funk remix at all speaks more to an understanding of the mutually supportive relationship between citypop and EDM genres than most kpop citypop producers or fanmixers seem to care to know about.

youtube

“Hula Hoop (Future Funk Mix)” by ZSunder is futurefunk made and mixed with such love that it has the infectious summery energy of a polished, big-name future funk hit

in the comments of this video, some people seemed to get the citypop-future funk connection and some didnt. many did get it, don’t get me wrong! but also, its not all that surprising for some kpop-focused listeners to not know much about EDM subcultures and the reasons behind various trends among producers, since kpop as an institution tends to take influences from any genre and culture it likes and then decontextualize those influences by just having their names used as buzzwords in the blurbs the idols have to recite when variety show hosts ask them about their latest single. this isn’t a criticism of the genre or the fans really, it’s just a part of the kpop industry that is used to add shine to an endless firehose-like stream of polished pop tracks. there are some issues with using whole genres and subcultures with complex histories as buzzwords, but god help us if we ever want a pop industry to give its influences their dues.

anyway, the intention behind ZSunder’s future funk Hula Hoop remix happened to remind me me of why i love Yukika’s discography so much, especially the Soul Lady album. I’ve seen some reviews online baffled by parts of Soul Lady, because the album in general is an exploration of that relationship between citypop and modern/internet EDM. i’ve seen plenty of Soul Lady reviews especially baffled by pit-a-pet, saying something along the lines of “what’s with the modern-sounding dance track in the middle of a retro album?”, but i think that pit-a-pet is a futurefunk-inspired track, at least in the chorus. considering both that and the Chill Lo-Fi Interludes, it seems like estimate’s team put together Soul Lady for Yukika in a way that shows that they love citypop and understand the online-specific electronic music subcultures that led to citypop’s resurgence.

youtube

“pit-a-pet” by Yukika (2020). the stacatto, bass heavy chorus is futurefunk enough, but the soaring orchestral part in the final chorus seals the deal for my interpretation.

youtube

“All Flights Are Delayed (1 hour version)” by Yukika (2020). Estimate literally released an hour-long youtube mix of one of the Lo-Fi interludes on Soul Lady as part of their promotion, clearly inspired by “Lo-Fi anime beats to chill out to,” which is another example of online producers from around the world using Japanese samples as a focal point of their music

Estimate, in the end, is still a Kpop production company, just the same as BBC, so they have no inherent claim over citypop, but the way that their exploration of subgenres clearly comes from passion and interest on the part of their production staff makes it so that their work with Yukika rings true. on the other hand, i really appreciate Ryan S. Jhun’s work on LOONA’s JP comeback, as well as on Not Friends, but the citypop mix thing was so clearly an afterthought to the point where fans of Loona who like citypop seem mostly just irritated by the cynical-seeming attempt.

heres one last good modern kpop citypop MV that has nods to the internet culture that led to its revival in the form of the videography— vaporwave, future funk, lofi, and other internet genres along those lines tend to have videos consisting of looping anime and vhs clips. future funk in particular is known for this, especially since a lot of future funk music, esp early future funk, is just loops of very short, catchy segments of citypop and disco songs. it’s all about the loops

youtube

“My Type” by Yoon JongShin ft. Miyu Takeuchi (2019). This song is so dedicated to the retro JP citypop sound that it’s almost beyond my personal taste. The singer, Miyu, was a headlining act at a seoul citypop festival and sang this song as part of her act (:

youtube

this video of “Only One” by Conscious Thoughts (2015) has a looped clip as an example for comparison with My Type. it also has a pulsing sidechain compressor working in time with its drum beat in a way that is common for future funk and that i think is a good example for my pit-a-pet yukika comparison to future funk

i guess the takeaway here is that media is more and more online, and the creation and propagation of digital audio and video content has been in the hands of literally almost anybody who wants to do it for the past two decades thanks to garage band and fruityloops and audacity and tiktok and youtube and bandcamp and soundcloud and myspace and newgrounds and p2p file sharing and so on and so forth. and therefore like… as with all things, the consumer class more and more is also the creator class, and therefore every member of an audio-visual subculture will have the ability to discern what is and isnt made with knowledge of the audio-visual language of that subculture

#me using elder millennial phrasing for Loona Did A City Pop to imply how out-of -touch it is kfhajfhs #mine #music #long post #Youtube

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tartagliaxx · 3 years

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hmm, i wonder if tumblr ate my previous ask. i hope not but honestly, you're probably not missing out on a lot anyways.

i finally gained some inspiration to complete the previous wip i showed you, but now i have another one on my hands bc when i get overly anxious, i start to write some vv specific scenarios with my pretty boys.

like,,, i have 3 hours before my exam starts, and i know basically nothing. remember how i said that i took a short break (if tumblr didn't eat it)? yeah, i'm sort of regretting that decision now. can i even get a C? my head's hurting and spinning, i feel like this isn't rlly uh, good for me. i'm hopefully gonna take a one hour nap and hope whatever happens last time doesn't happen again.

i don't want to fail, i rlly rlly don't. i feel like failing on your finals that you're supposed to enter uni with isn't the uh, best idea. i'm trying to just, stay calm but nothing i'm studying is rlly getting to me. perhaps i should just get some rest,,, a one hour nap lmao

— r. anon

reply to the other ask lol:

you’re right, i think you totally deserve the break. it’s totally fine. in my experience, the people around me told me to take my time when i legitimately couldn’t even pick up a pen to finish my stuff. it’s weird bc that’s the first time it ever happened to me but my profs were very forgiving and told me i should take a break if i need one.

i understand your feelings omg- i’ve lived my life being everyone’s friend but not anyone’s best friend,, i dont mind receiving messages like this and i’d really want to help as much as i could but idk if it’s okay to post online??? skfjfajhaha it seems v personal for me but if you’re fine w it, then i’m find w it as well. if you happen to have discord or smth, we could talk there instead if you want but i’m really fine w whatever.

CHILDE CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my fucking husband so very pog. and omG?????? bae i’m like,, super happy for you??? omg im like so proud rn im tearing up im not even joking lol. no matter who the motivation is, you still managed to go through it and like,, small victories are still victories to be celebrated. again, i’m so proud and happy for you.

take it easy bby… you seem to have a lot on your plate… if you feel in any way, like… tired or what,, just take a break… i figured thats so much better than falling deeper into a pit of sadness. take breaks when you need them and face your problems when you’re properly rested. it’s v worth it. also, no matter what happens… i want to say that you did so well and i see you putting so much effort into things even if you dont feel like it.

childe’s like…. *dreamy sigh* i love him and the way he works. i rotate him w others v often for reactions so i never had the problem with his cooldown. and??? 28k??? already??? pls he was doing 10k on his first day w me so i think that’s really, really good. and ffs???? those wolf things?? i hate! i hate hate hate hate them </3 fuck corrosion messing w my perfectionist self not wanting to see anything less than a full hp bar…

ON WISHES AND COMFORTS OMG- i remember making that and im like???? how???? how to write venti???? that’s my first time writing for him i think?

i didnt go on tumblr for like,, majority of yesterday so i only saw your asks now. i was acc playing genshin bc this is the first time im not behind on schoolwork. i’m making a ghibli themed teapot and so far, the first part’s like 45% done. ….why do i like making myself suffer?

on a side note, I DID SEE YOUR TAG! I’M ATTENDING A LECTURE RN BUT I’LL READ IS AS SOON AS IT’S DONE. IM V EXCITED AND I KNOW YOU DID GREAT! on a different note, i understand how stressful this might be rn but it’ll be alright. if not now, then later. im not sure how to comfort you since i would most likely meltdown if i were you but just remember to breathe. sure, a lot might be on the line but ultimately, one’s self must always be the priority (something i learned from psych btw). good luck on your finals! i’m rooting for you and i’ll support you no matter what!

ps. ily2 <33

#˗ˋˏ°• letters from cat island •°ˎˊ˗#˗ˋˏ°• from my darling : r •°ˎˊ˗

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vivinightingale · 4 years

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Hanahaki disease and Star tears head canons Part 3 of 3

Since i already wrote hanahaki headcanons for Bakura here , i will be replacing him with my girl Mai Valentine

Hanahaki Disease: An illness born from one sided love, where the victim's throat will fill up with flowers. They will then begin to throw up, or cough up the petals. In serious cases the flowers themselves. There are only two ways to get rid of the said disease. If the person the victim loves loves them back (strong friendship isn't adequate enough) or through surgery. If neither work the victim will suffocate on the flowers resulting in death.

Star Tears: The Sparkly star-like tears, accompanied with twlinking sounds. It's a disease that is caused by unrequited love. The only cure for these glimmering tears is for the love to be returned; however, if they are not then the light from the shining stars will blind the victim.

Flowers mentioned:

Tulip: Love and, Confidence

Sunflower: Adoration, Loyalty

Hydrangea: Emotion, Understanding

Lychnis

~Mai Valentine Stars tears:

~If she got the disease

Since she was little Mai knew she was meant to be alone. Her parents didn't want anything to do with her so what made her think anyone else wanted anything to do with her?

Yugi, and his friends that's what made her believe otherwise. She grew so attached to the group, and to you. You guys were what anchored her to earth when her thoughts took over, and she will always be thankful to them for that, but you ….you were different.

From the moment the two of you made eye contact she knew she wanted to be closer to you.

At first she thought it was because she wanted to be friends with you, but as time carried on and she spent more time with you she felt her heart race whenever you smiled at her, she noticed her eyes wonder to you when you guys hung out with the group.

She was in love with you and that alone terrified her. That fear turned into tears, and those tears turned into stars.

She knew what these stars were; she witnessed them first hand from a maid that worked in her parents' mansion.

She hated this, the feeling of fear and the blinding stars. So she decided to do the one thing she could do to get rid of the star. She was gonna confess her feelings for you.

Ever since she was a little girl she knew she was meant to be alone, and since the last thing she saw before the darkness took over was you confessing to another she knew these words to be true.

She never felt so alone in the darkness she now faces.

~If you got the disease:

You knew the world was a beautiful place, even when dark forces try to take over the world the beauty always seemed to shine through.

It especially got brighter when Mai came into view, to you Mai was something that walked out of your dreams, and you felt lucky enough to know her.

The more she hung out with the group however, the more you came to have feelings for the woman. Everything about her called out to you, and you would be stupid to refuse the call. However, that wasn't in the cards for you.

You werent the one she had eyes for, she had eyes for Joey, and as much as you wanted to steal her attention away from the blonde you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

You could tell from the looks of both of them that it was mutual, and you couldn't take that away from them or push your feelings on to her.

So instead you acted unaffected as their relationship escalated from friendship to more, but that tough act only lasted so long before the tears came into effect and your ability to see started to leave.

You never went to the doctor to find out why these tears were there because they helped not see the love that flourished between Joey and Mai. So when you finally lost your sight due to the tears you found it both a blessing and a curse.

~Yami Bakura Hanahaki disease:

~If he got the disease:

The Thief King remembers what his village was like Before it was destroyed, he also remembered you. The person who despite his mean demour went out of their way to befriend him.

He thought nothing of you at first, but as time continued he despised your company less and less till he eventually looked forward to it.

Your smile was more dazzling then any stone he has ever seen, you sparkled like the star at night, and your beauty rivaled the queens.

He knew he was in love with you but didnt know how to approach such a subject. He was used to the roughness of the streets, not your gentle caress. He didn't have much time to think on how to approach it until the flowers started growing in his lungs.

He didn't know what he hated more, the fact that he was in love with you, or the flowers growing in his lungs.

He didn't try to beat around the bush, when they first started growing he seeked you out immediately. When you greeted him with your bright smile he felt the flowers growing more.

“(y/n)” he gruffed ”….i think i love you” you surprised that the tall rough man was the first to say it.

The only thing you could do was jump into his arms, and hold him close.

Bakura didn't know why he thought of that memory when he saw the (h/c) walk past him,but he suddenly felt the flowers once again.

~If you got the disease:

Growing up in a small village you knew everyone, well almost everyone. So you made it your goal to get to know Bakura. I took a lot of time and effort to befriend the gruff man.

He made it difficult to get close to him, but eventually you did. Even though he hated when you got close he never pushed you away, even though he hated when you talked to him he never asked you to stop, and even though he said you were the most annoying thing he has ever come across he protects you wherever you get in trouble.

You fell for him, and you fell for him hard. As much as you wanted to avoid him you couldn't. You were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

Even as the flowers began to grow in your lungs you couldn't stay away. You got better at hiding the flowers from Bakura, but not from the others.

The local healer noticed the flowers spewing from your mouth as you hid in on the many alleys, but she wasn't the only one who noticed.

When you told Bakura that you had errands to run he became suspicious, so he followed you to check on you. Him and the doctor rushed to your side. The doctor sat you down so you could get your breath back. Mindlessly the doctor told you and Bakura what the disease was and what could happen. Bakura looked at you upset and worried.

“Who is it then (y/n)?! Don't let this take you from me!” you looked at him with tears in your eyes. “Its you,” you whispered.

The doctor excused herself as Bakura grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him.

Bakura was a rough man, but he has never been so gentle as when he held you like this, and here you knew that no matter what you were safe with him.

~Yami Marik Star Tears:

~If he got the disease:

Yami Marik didn't have the time for feelings, he had a plan set in motion. However fate had other plans for him. When he saw you at Kaiba’s side during battle city, he knew he had to have you at HIS side.

He tried everything to get you, but everytime he tried it was either foiled or you were surrounded by too many people. He didn't know how to go about this, and this frustrated him more than anything.

That's when the tears appeared. They fell endlessly from his eyes and it irritated him more that he didn't understand how to stop them.

While the others were in the virtual world Marik stayed in his room trying to get rid of the tears. That's when you walked in.

You walked calmly to his side “star tears..” he side eyed you as you explained the effects of the disease. You kneeled down to his level, and put his face in your hands. “The future Pharaoh can't go blind.”

Slight confusion came across his face before it was replaced with a smirk “The heal your Pharaoh” the two of you shared a kiss as the tears faded. Now it was time for him to take over the world with you at his side.

~If you got the disease:

You have been friends with Kaiba brothers for a long time, and that had some perks. Like getting into the battle city finals without dueling, and getting to see this demon named Marik.

As you watched him fight Mai something in you felt a fire that you never felt before, and you knew then that you wanted to follow him into whatever pits of hell he came from.

The problem with these new affections was the tears that soon followed. You knew what these tears were, and you knew how to stop them

Or so you thought When Noah called all duelists to meet with him that unfortunately meant you as well. So you end up in their little charade as you slowly lose your sight.

When you finally did lose your sight in the virtual and real world you distanced yourself from everyone until you eventually faded from everyone's memory.

~Marik Ishtar Hanahaki disease:

~If he got disease:

Marik has known you for years due to your loyalty to his family. He was close to you, closer then he has ever been with anyone.

Even after he ran off vowing to take down the pharaoh you stayed by him, and acted as one of the rare hunters.

With the more time he spent with you the more his affections grew for you, and he came to realize how much he loved you.

However before the flowers grew Ishizu warned him of the future he had with you, he ignored her warnings but never forgot them.

So when the flowers began to grow in his lungs he knew why, and thus he sent you on less missions just to keep you at his side.

The flowers grew more and more until he couldn't take it anymore. So one night he pulled you aside away from all ears.

When you went to question him he stopped you with a kiss “I want…..no i need you (s/o) only you are worthy to stand by my side.” Though you were surprised you accepted his affections and hugged him tightly. “You forever have me my Pharaoh.”

~If you got the disease:

Working for the Ishtar family was never easy, but you enjoyed the company of your younger master Ishizu and Marik. They both treated you like one of their own, and you couldn't be happier.

However Marik was the one you longed for, but you knew you couldn't be with him. You were but a simple servant and nothing more.

When he left the tomb to start his hunt for the Pharaoh, despite Ishizu’s wishes you followed him, and that when the flowers began to grow.

Because you became a rare hunter you were able to hide the flowers from not only Marik, but the rest of the followers.

It stayed this way until you couldn't take the flowers anymore and you eventually went to the hospital, the doctors told you of the disease, and your options. Instead of taking the first option you got the surgery to remove the flowers.

You may not have feelings for your master,but you can at least still be loyal to him, and that's all that matters to you.

#yugioh #Yu-Gi-Oh #yu gi oh x reader #mai valentine #mai valentine x reader #yami bakura #thief king bakura #yami bakura x reader #yami marik #yami marik x reader #marik ishtar #marik x reader

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broodingheroine · 4 years

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Can we talk about how there are so many different societal traditions and cliches being absolutely shattered by hollywood?? Of course theres the obvious racism and homophobia being overcome but there are so many other things that get addressed so casually you can barely tell.

Older women being integral parts of cast and being strong while also being vulnerable. They were treated like human beings which is SO RARE.

The older characters having genuine romantic plot lines that shows that romance doesnt die as you age.

They didnt make women fight each other!!! Camille and Claire couldve so easily been pit against each other, but they were friends!!

Jack and Henrietta's relationship, I think, was done very well. Sometimes relationships just dont work, and that's okay!! You can love someone without wanting romance.

An abuser genuinely changing but still not being forgiven by someone hes hurt. That entire scene was so well done.

I agree that hollywood did a lot for poc and the queer community, but I LOVE that they acknowledged other harmful tropes in media amd made an effort to break them.

#hollywood netflix

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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The really great thing about allowing Dick and Jason to have a good relationship before A Death in the Family IMO, is that it opens up sooooo many more possibilities for AFTER Jason’s return.

For example:

Imagine a scenario where Bruce is gone for a week or so, the ever so useful “there was an offworld mission or something” excuse will do. And during that time, Dick and Jason are patrolling and working together....and they have an encounter with a particularly nasty villain or serial killer or whatever you want to go with. The bottom line is something happens during that particular adventure of theirs that leaves them shaken enough that they agree not to tell Bruce about it (believing the guy is dead or something), and then they try and put it behind them and never speak of it again.

Except then cut to a few years later, after Jason has come back but before he’s reconciled with the family, things are still strained and tense when their paths so much as cross, but with added angst because an actual brotherly bond torn asunder by death, trauma and lots of changes gives you way more fodder to work with IMO than the singular facet of Dick feeling guilty for not knowing Jason better - I mean, you have to at least admit that does limit your options considerably, in terms of their interactions, BUT I DIGRESS.

But anyway, Jason doesn’t have anything against Dick in the way he does against Bruce, other than accepting Tim into the fold (which he does understand in a way, because its not all that different from when Dick accepted him into the family and Robin role despite having plenty of legitimate reasons to be a lot more reticent about that).....but they avoid each other because its just kinda painful, the fact that they don’t KNOW each other anymore, not the way they used to understand each other in ways even Bruce couldn’t always follow or understand. Plus Jason’s attack on Tim, even leaning on the Pit madness as an altered state of mind mitigating circumstance....like, that’s still a hard thing to get past, one brother being like “Hey, lets do movie night tomorrow and totes just skip over the awkwardness of me just coming from hanging out with Tim who still has bandages on account of you trying to kill him the other day”.....its not the easiest thing to navigate, yeah?

And the fact that while Jason does understand its not fair to expect Dick to have like, iced out this kid he didn’t go seeking out or anything, just for the sake of Jason’s memory.....that understanding comes and goes with how rational or not he’s feeling any particular day, because he GETS it, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it and he is after all only nineteen, and capable of bouts of pettiness, lol.

So even without Dick barely knowing Jason or Jason hating or resenting Dick, there’s still plenty of roadblocks in the way of an easy brotherly reunion, plenty of understandable and valid emotions and priorities and choices that make everything a confusing mess and create conflicts of interest and just a general miasma of uncertainty where its like, even though they miss each other and would love to get back their sibling bond, they don’t even know where to begin trying to go about that, you know? And throw in the state of affairs between Bruce and Jason still, which can be summed up as picture the Cold War, but now when you picture ‘Cold’ think ‘Ice Age’ and you’re almost there.

Like. That is the Mt. Saint Helens of roadblocks right there. A big ass volcano sitting in the middle of the road and just cuz its dormant now doesn’t mean that it couldn’t at any minute erupt and blow its top and destroy everything within a several hundred mile radius, and that’s just before Bruce and Jason REALLY get steamed, like, that’s just their warm-up.

So. Y’know. Difficulties. They abound.

But now throw in secrets from the time before Jason died that only the two of them know and they never told anyone else, and adventures they had when it was just the two of them, Jason visiting Dick in Bludhaven or Dick enabling Jason in playing hooky in Gotham because at that time Dick rotates methods of pissing Bruce off and that’s his go-to move for Tuesdays, and crimes they solved together like Dick was working on an investigation and let Jason weigh in to practice his deductive reasoning without Bruce and thus impress him with how much he’s improved.

(My personal headcanon of brotherly advice Dick imparts to Jason on how to deal with Bruce is him telling Jason “when dealing with a man who thinks holding impossible expectations IS taking it easy on someone, he doesn’t understand the question, can you repeat it please....like, in that case there’s no shame in stacking the deck a little, whenever that’s possible.’)

Anyway, point being.....all you really need is one singular bad guy that only Dick and Jason faced, together, when they were younger. Someone particularly nasty or sadistic, enough to disturb even them despite how much they’ve seen and lived. And who for whatever reason, both of them believed to be gone for good, maybe they thought he fell off a cliff into a conveniently placed body of water where no body could be found or blah blah blah look you’re smart cookies, you get it.

Take those few simple ingredients, chuck them in a metaphorical bowl and stir them all together and then leave on low heat to simmer.....

And voila. Just like that, you have a ready-made situation that forces Dick and Jason, specifically, to work together despite how tense and fractured things are between them, and needing to find a way to repair their brotherly bond and figure out how to work together the way they used to.......thanks to everyone’s favorite Tropey McTroperson wherein a villain most foul, long believed dead, seems to be back and up to his old villainy.....and only those two who faced him before know how to stop him.....and despite all the reasons they come up with in their heads for why teaming up together now is just a recipe for disaster and doomed to failure, this is on them.

They were the ones who stopped this guy before, they were the ones who mistakenly believed he was dead and the threat he posed was gone for good.....which makes his dastardly return....dun dun dun.....unfinished business for them. Its personal.

All the completely valid, well-reasoned and justifiable arguments for why its absolutely bonkers for them to try and make like the Dukes of Hazzard on this case as if they’re not at least a little bit miffed at each other for various things involving killing certain people and not killing certain people and trying to kill certain people and being totally unreasonable about the trying to kill certain people.....none of that is enough to get in the way of them doing their best to put all that aside for now and team up to stop this guy for good, the way they should have the first time.

Because let’s face it. One of the definitive areas of common ground that Dick and Jason share is when things are personal....they take it VERY personally. And when they feel responsible for something, like, you could get God on the phone to personally deliver absolution and assure them it wasn’t their fault, and they’d still be like “LOL yeah, okay, that’s a good one ‘God.’ Didn’t know all-knowing deities could be super hella wrong about things but hey, everyone’s allowed an off day I guess.”

Anyway.

Two brothers estranged due to extreme circumstances, trauma, loss, grief, blame, the completely unreasonable and frankly just rude passage of time, and assorted other reasons ranging from “you stole my favorite weapon-Bruce-definitely-didnt-know-I-had-and-kept-as-a-souvenir when I was fourteen and you STILL haven’t given it back” to “you can’t just shoot someone as your way of ending an uncomfortable conversation, Jason”......

But force them together via external situations or shared goals, and you have the perfect excuse to sidestep a lot of the more impossible to navigate conflicts born of comic book writers who don’t freaking know how to CHILL when piling on the family dysfunction......and engineer a situation where they pretty much HAVE to retrace previous footsteps, comb their memories for every detail they can recall about that case and in the process remember how close they were then, fall back into old patterns and rhythms while working together....and various other things that give you everything you need to transplant them mentally and emotionally to a time before all those conflicts and problems created by other people, not them, when things were....better.

While through the mere fact they’re successfully able to fall back into old habits and patterns of working together at all.....you can put them face to face with evidence that despite how much they’ve both changed and everything that’s come between them, they are still fundamentally the same people they always were, and the shared experiences and common ground and all of that which enabled them to become brothers in the first place....its all still there, still able to be brought back out and dusted off and then used to forge a new brother bond that takes into account the ways they’ve changed since they last truly knew each other.

And none of that erases or solves the various complications and conflicts and issues that do still exist in the present, because of everything that’s happened in the past few years and the things they’ve all done.....BUT, it allows for Dick and Jason at least to rebuild or find a new, sturdy foundation on which to stand and plant themselves before wading back into all of that.....so at least now they do so with firmer footing, and with a clear direction and goal in mind.....navigating the emotional minefield from their respect opposing sides.....and aiming to meet somewhere in the middle.

And then with one family bond rejuvenated, revitalized and consciously reaffirmed by both of them......then its that much easier to turn their attentions to the rest of the family, one by one, and repair or forge those bonds through a concerted effort....not just Jason on the outside looking in, or members of the family on the inside looking out at him like he’s a poor, lost soul they need to save (I can’t help but picture Jason upchucking at the very thought, eww, how dare they)......but rather, a mix of both. Jason making his way back into the family via walking side by side with an ally on the inside who is still keeping pace with him so they can present a united front while they work towards a common goal they both want.....a family that acts like a family instead of like.....idk, y’know, that thing they act like in the comics that’s called ‘a family’ but also, they all hate each other and wish everyone else would die except for the times when they forget the others even exist at all.

Anyway. That of course, is just one angle that can be taken with them, out of the many possibilities that arise just from letting them have a good relationship before Jason died.....and all the shared history, in-jokes, secrets, camaraderie, grief, etc that comes with that.

My point is just.....I talk a lot rant a lot about the fanon and fic tendency to paint them as having barely known each other back then and with it largely blamed on Dick having been a stand-offish asshole because he has a chip on his shoulder named Bruce and its not a chip at all its actually Mt. Everest, yup, the whole dang mountain, yetis and all.......

And then I kinda just....keep it there on that and how much it bugs, because, y’know. It bugs.

BUT.

In keeping tunnel-vision locked on that and nothing else, I’ve never really expanded on the other byproduct of this fanon tendency that I think is worth considering:

And that’s the fact that this angle, this story? The one where Dick was a douche and Jason doesn’t really like him because of that until Dick apologizes for being a douche back then and begs for a second chance to do better, etc, etc? Its been told. Literally hundreds of fic writers have written that story by this point, and in the process limited...confined themselves, to this one singular possible dynamic between Dick and Jason when the thing is, like....that’s pretty much the ONLY story and angle that can result from Dick and Jason barely having a relationship before he died.....basically just various executions of acknowledging their previous lack of a relationship, assigning blame, making apologies and granting forgiveness, and then from there building a relationship from scratch.

Obviously, people come up with unique spins on this all the time, I’m not saying the stories that do this are all exactly the same....just that there’s an innate ceiling to that particular premise, because when that specific dynamic of ‘no relationship really existed before’ is your one and only starting point......there’s only so many places you can go from that, and wind up in the present where you then proceed to have them make a relationship for the first time.

BUT. But but but but but.

The second you allow for the possibility that Dick and Jason DID have a relationship before ADITF, and it just happened largely ‘offscreen’ due to the fact that no solo Nightwing or Robin titles existed back then so there was nowhere to showcase just the two of them together......

You open up like.....so many more possibilities and angles and avenues and directions.

Because the thing is, y’know how so many people in fandom pride themselves on not feeling constrained by canon, or better yet, speak fondly about the idea of just taking a flamethrower to the whole damn thing and cackling maniacally while shouting “This one’s for Bruce/Dick/Jason/Tim/Cass/whomever your fave fam member of choice might be”?

Well. I mean. *spreads hands*

The second you flip the switch from “Dick and Jason barely knew each other and mostly didn’t like each other, this is the only canon that exists despite the fact that we just made it up because we could and canon can suck it”.....to.....”Dick and Jason did have a relationship and were close before Jason’s death, its just we never saw it develop on the page due to logistical constraints”......

Suddenly.....you have THREE WHOLE YEARS of possible interaction that you can literally cram full of WHATEVER YOU WANT, and canon can’t say a damn thing about it because its Schrodinger’s Adventures of Nightwing and Little Wing......without any canon viewing point set up to observe these interactions and thus force them into a singular form that you either like or you hate and set on fire.....those Adventures can look like aaaaaaaaaaaanything you want, and canon can kiss your patootie if it doesn’t like it!

Its three whole years of “lost family history” just waiting to be mined for all kinds of treasure, and you can unlock it in any number of ways once Jason returns, to any number of potential end points.

They could have faced villains together just by themselves during that time, they could have teamed up on investigations. They could have had sleepovers, Dick could have helped him cram for tests or covered for him when he just needed to take a mental health day because dealing with Gotham’s upper class can be exhausting and he doesn’t know how to explain that to Bruce in a way that won’t just lead to Bruce saying “I know, I get it, I hate it too” even though the ways in which its exhausting to Bruce and the ways its exhausting to Jason are not the same and not interchangeable.....but he doesn’t have to explain that to Dick, because Dick is closer to an understanding of it, he’s been there for a version of that himself, and they were assholes to him because of his lower class and unorthodox upbringing too.

You could have Jason tagging along on various official or unofficial Titans missions or just meet-ups, the way Jason teamed up with them for the Brother Blood story without Bruce ever knowing. Dick’s kid brother that nobody minded him bringing because they all adored him, and thus just by having him and Dick get along, you open the door to Jason having established dynamics and history with any number of Dick’s friends, allowing for a wide range of potential reactions to Jason and his Red Hood persona after he comes back.

You could have Jason being really invested in his brother’s relationship in Kori because he thinks Kori is just the fucking coolest, or you can have Jason secretly shipping his brother and Babs and thinking they’d be a much better match but keeping quiet about his opinion as long as Dick’s happy with Kori. You could have Jason panicked and turning to Dick for help and advice the first time he asks a date to one of his school’s formal dances, because he’s pretty sure he’d be able to provide actual proof that spontaneous human combustion IS possible, if he had to ask Bruce for romantic advice, like, aside from the fact that he’s seen flies trapped in amber whose relationships appear to advance at a faster pace than Bruce’s does with Selina, that’s his DAD, eww, he can’t ask his DAD to fill him in on what’s normal to expect and likely to be expected of him on this kind of/level of dating, but Dick? He can go to Dick for that, and imagine the adorbs potential.

And the likelihood of various Titans coming up with the flimsiest of excuses to keep popping into the room in order to spy on the adorbs-ness, and the literal natural disaster that is the combination of Wally, Roy, Garth, Gar and Joey all trying to be ‘helpful’ and offer their own dating tips to Jason, while Donna and Lilith kick back with some popcorn while taking shots at the various boys’ expertise and credentials in this matter, if they’re gonna be offering advice to an impressionable young teen who doesn’t deserve to be saddled with having to learn from THEIR mistakes.

And on and on and on. Three whole years you can fill with any manner of adventures, secrets, shared stories, confessed ambitions and hopes and dreams for the future, commiserating on the parts of growing up in the spotlight in Gotham that Bruce just can’t relate to, sharing things from their pasts that they’ve never even told Bruce about purely because there are some things that are just easier to tell or talk about with a sibling close to your age than to your father.

But you see what I’m saying? Rounding Dick and Jason’s early relationship down to the barest bones until its practically being non-existent......that makes for a paragraph or at most a chapter dedicated to covering that ground, something that everyone pretty much expects to pop up in a story in order to address that history they have, or lack there of. And thus its never really a surprise to see it, there’s not a ton to take away from it, and it oftentimes ends up kinda just being filler despite even the best writers’ best attempts to make it engaging.....because there’s just not a lot to say about a relationship whose defining aspect is it didn’t really exist, and I’m pretty sure most writers would love to simply skip past that entirely and not even bother addressing it because it FEELS like writing filler a lot of times, I imagine. But at the same time, you kinda HAVE to include it and can’t really come up with a way to just leave it out entirely, without having a gaping hole in the meat of your actual story that explains how Dick and Jason got from there to here. Its a part of the story that everybody already knows, or expects.....but still demands being included, because canon just skipped over that entirely so there’s nothing from canon to even reference when shifting Dick and Jason into the kind of dynamic you want them to have or grow after his return.

And so its a paragraph or two paragraphs or a whole chapter that nobody really ever wants to write, because there’s not a whole lot of new ground to cover with it, and its kinda a cause for resentment, being stuck having to include it in every story covering Jason’s return anyway, even though there’s only limited ways you can stretch and exercise your creativity and expand on that particular angle.

But with Dick and Jason having an actual relationship pre-ADITF that is filled with nothing but whatever you choose to fill it with, whenever you feel like delving into it or dusting off an old memory or vacation or want to reveal some long-buried secret only the two of them know.....the sky’s the limit. Instead of that standard stock paragraph/chapter rehashing the take on that particular story that everyone already knows but narrative structure forces everyone to shoehorn in somewhere anyway.....there’s more than enough in those three lost/secret years of family history, especially specific to Dick and Jason, to serve as the basis for entire fics exploring that time, digging up secrets or mysteries that originated in that time, reminiscing about that time or diving back into existing dynamics with people Jason met through Dick during that time without having to write Jason meeting them or only getting to know them for the first time as an adult.

(Omggggggg, imagine a story that’s just Dick and Jason and Uncle Clark, or Dick and Jason and Aunt Diana, and like, Bruce is like I GO OUT OF TOWN FOR ONE NIGHT AND YOU SOMEHOW END UP WITH MY KIDS HELPING YOU FIGHT AN ALIEN/DEMON INVASION ON SOME OTHER PLANET/DIMENSION??? WHAT THE HELL!)

In conclusion, you hate canon and how much it fucks with the Batfamily? Totally with you. But this is the one period in these characters’ lives where canon doesn’t actually weigh you down or cage you in if you don’t want it to....instead it gives you the gift of being whatever the hell you want it to be, just so long as you make sure everyone ends where they need to be by the time ADITF happens. (Assuming you don’t just end up going full AU by that point since there’s no law saying Jason HAS to die or else the DC universe will destabilize and implode in upon itself).

Anyway, I’ve waxed poetic about this long enough, I think, and without a single line of poetry to show for it, but that’s for the best. Me to poetry is like a butcher to a carcass, but only if this particular butcher is very bad at his job and always makes a mess everywhere, and it just never ends well for anybody.

And now, as usual, I end an overly long post that exhausted my brain cells and made me sputter to a stop just before I come up with an ending to the post that actually makes sense and isn’t just me going, hey you know what, maybe there is something to be said after all for the Sopranos’ sty -

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yandere-ac · 4 years

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Whitney’s here

Whitney had never seen herself as the jealous type. Way back when she and Apollo were a thing, she never really got to overbearing or controlling. Neither of them where to be perfectly honest. It was a normal and healthy relationship. But all good things must come to an end. For whatever reason, they had broken it up. And even after so many years, Whitney still despised the memories of that time in her life. What a fool she had been, to let such a good one go. At first she didn’t really care much about their breakup, sure she was sad about losing Apollo but they still remained as friends. But then, the eagle started getting more and more distant from her, and shortly after, they had stopped talking all together.

This was the mark of Whitney’s rapid decline into delusion. She had tried to keep her feeling bottled up, keeping a calm and graceful exterior around everyone else. But what happens late at night when there’s no one to distract her from her own thoughts? Well, that’s when it gets complicated. That’s when all the regret came clawing out from underneath her skin. Creating an itch she couldn’t scratch, why’s she let him go? Why would she do such a stupid thing? No matter how much she tried to smirk and flaunt when outside, she could never escape from her own head.

After a while she had stopped blaming herself, no, she had instead started blaming Apollo himself. He was deranged to have left her, she wasn’t the problem here, he was! She would never let anyone see it, but she had been affected by the breakup hard. She was sure that after the hurt she’d been through with Apollo, she could never even muster the thought of getting into a relationship again.

But then, she met you. She had heard the rave about a new island, it’s reputation was starting to grow and she had only heard positive things about it. About how nice it had looked, about how peaceful island life was, about how nice all the residents where. And so, when she saw that there was an open plot of land there, she made sure to move in. The day when she arrived she was greeted by an old acquaintance, Tom Nook. He had shown her around and led her to her new home. “Just a heads up, some islanders may stop by to say hi and welcome you, it is a very friendly island. But if you’d rather take your time to unpack we can add that information in the upcoming morning announcement” The tanooki informed her whilst helping her carry her boxes into her home. “Oh no, that’s quite alright snappy. Thank you anyhow” she responded with a gentle smile. They really weren’t kidding when they said the people living here were friendly huh?

Soon ,Tom nook has left the white wolf to do her unpacking. And sure enough, every once in a while a villager would pop in, say hello, talk a little and go away. Whitney appreciated their effort to get to know her. But then, you came along. It had been a while since the last villager had greeted her and she though there was no one else that would come. But then she herd a subtle knock on her door, followed by someone opening that door and stepping in. As she turned around to greet whoever had visited she almost lost her breath. The person who stood before her was none other than Y/N the island representative. She had heard about you but didn’t know you were the representative of THIS island. And now that she could see you up close, you looked even cuter than in those magazines of island living! She could feel her heart skip a beat as you smiled at her and greeted her. You had even offered her help to unpack, help which she gladly accepted. Not because she needed it, but because she wanted you to stay with her a little longer.

Sure enough, you two stayed at her house for a couple hours, unpacking and talking with each other. As she was trying to set up her bed she could hear you ask: “Where should I put this?” She turned around to see what you were referring to, but when she saw what you were holding she could feel her heart stop. It was a framed picture of her and Apollo. And you were touching it. “Don’t touch that!” She barked out as she snatched it out from your hands. Instantly, the easy going atmosphere had turned tense and dreadful. As soon as Whitney relized what she had done her eyes filled up with regret. “I’m...y/n i-“ she had tried to explain but was quickly interrupted. “No no, it’s fine. I’m...I’m really sorry that I just went through your stuff, that was very reckless of me” you had Said and Done a little bowing gesture with your head. “It’s alright i...hey, how about this? Once I’m done unpacking we could go out for some tea or coffee? See it as an apology for me lashing out” Whitney had said with a sheepish smile. You felt the ends of your mouth perk up as you nodded happily. After that you said your goodbyes as it was starting to get really late. Whitney couldn’t help but feel all giddy as she thought of you.

That was your first interaction with her, and there had been many more after that. In fact, you and her had become very close friends, and while that may sound good, to Whitney it was the complete opposite of what she wanted. During the time she spent on the island she had grown very attached to you, she had relized that this wasn’t your average crush, no, this had gone much MUCH deeper than that. It honestly kind of scared her at times, that was the saner part of her, speaking against all of her demented thoughts. But in the end, it wasn’t strong enough to hold back the billions of “bad thoughts” she had about you everyday. She wanted to be so much more than friends! And while she could get away with many deep affections with you seeing as a lot of people thought you were just two gal pals, she couldn’t exactly kiss you and say it was a friendly gesture. She wanted to hold your hand, give you small pecks on the lips, cuddle and wrap her body around your smaller one, kiss every part of your beautiful body, be on top of you as she made you whimper and squirm-

“Whitney? Are you okey?” Her thoughts where interrupted by you. The two of you were sitting in a field of beautiful flowers, just relaxing and talking about life. It was by then that Whitney had realized that she had started drooling slightly. This made her face redden with embarrassment, she was suppose to be the mature one yet her she was, acting like a little puppy. You chuckled as she quickly turned away from you. Looking at the flowers surrounding her you got an idea. “Hey, turn around Whits?” You asked her, and as she obliged you placed one of the flowers between her ears. But this soon backfired as you looked at her, getting lost in her gaze. “What is is y/n? Does it look weird snappy?” She asked you, but you quickly shook your head, denying the notion as if it was unthinkable. “Oh no, not at all Whits. You look-“ you were about to continue but you stopped when you felt a light blush creep on to your face.

Well, here goes nothing.

“So uh...Whitney, there was something that I wanted to tell you...” You had waited for a long time to tell her about your feelings, trough is. You liked her, you had been so afraid that she might not have liked you as much as you liked her. Whitney scotched a little closer to you and was giving you her full attention. ” Yes snappy?” She said, looking deep into your eyes. My god, her blue eyes was even more gorgeous up close. You told her directly and blatantly about your feelings. You wanted to rip the bandage off as soon as possible, these past weeks had been tortuous as the only thing you could think about was “what if she didn’t feel the same way?”

“If you don’t feel the same way, I hope we can still be frie-“ You were quickly interrupted by Whitney who had tackled you into a hug, you could see her tail wave excitedly. “Oh y/y darling, why didn’t you say so earlier. I’ve had the same feelings since the day I moved here!” She exclaimed as she turned to look at you. She started nuzzling you with her snout and you let out a small giggle as she did so. “Well, if that’s the case. Would you like to join me at Brewster tomorrow for a date?” You had asked and Whitney gladly accepted. That night when she went home, Whitney could barley sleep out of pure joy. Finally, she had you. She didn’t have to worry about anyone else taking you away from her ever again!

But that previous joy soon faded as she looked towards one of her shelves. It was that dreaded picture of her and Apollo. She felt a pit in her stomach. She hadn’t even thought of the fact that you could break up with her just like Apollo did. She couldn’t let you leave her. That night she made up a plan to secure that you would be hers even if you tried to break up. If all good things comes to an end, she had to make sure that it didnt happen to you and her.

“Congrats on the new upgrade to your home Whits!” You said as you embraced your now girlfriend of several months. Your and Whitney’s relationship had gone really well. Or at least at first. Whitney always wanted to hold your hand whenever you where around anyone else (as well as when you were alone). She was a very affectionate partner, taking any opportunity to cuddle or kiss. That’s was all well and fine, however, all good things must come to an end. After some weeks into the relationship she had started to get more possessive over you. Sometimes when you would talk to someone else she would come up behind you, wrap her arms around your waist and put her head over yours. Making sure to glare at the other person until they left. Not only that but if you ever brought it up she would start crying and ask if you hated her. Of course you insisted that you loved her and you always ended up loosing the argument, hugging her whilst comforting her. But what you didn’t know was the fact that while you sat and have her words of comfort, she was smitning, ear to ear. Knowing that you wouldn’t leave her.

Recently she had expanded her home to have a basement. You were excited for her as you met up with her. Lately, you had no free time as Whitney had always wanted to see you. You had tried to bring it up but like always she would either refuse to talk about it or it would become a big argument in which you always lost. You both knew that THE conversation was gonna come up sooner or later as you really felt less happy in the relationship. Sure, you loved Whitney, with all your heart. But Whitney had some issues that she had to work out before she could date anyone.

The two of you sat on her bed, drinking tea and talking. You laughed and blushed as the two of you talked, you were gonna miss this. But it had to be done. “Hey...Whits? I...I have to...to” you could feel yourself grown more and more tired and sick. You tried to hold up your tea cup but soon your hands started shaking. You let go of the tea cup as you fell into Whitney’s arms. “....so..rry” you had said, feeling your eyes become more and more heavy. “Shhhh, shhhh. It’s okey y/n dear. You can go to sleep, I’m here” Whitney told you as she make gentle circle movements on your back. And so, you went out like a light. Whitney Held you close to her body, stroking your hair peacefully as she looked at you. My god, even when you were asleep you still looked just as ravishing.

Whitney wasn’t stupid, she could read a room and it was obvious that you wanted to break up. Of course she wasn’t gonna let that happen, she’s not gonna loose you. But even then she didn’t blame you, she was certain there was someone else involved. Some other villager who had sweet talked you into leaving her, just so they could have you. But as long as she had you, it was all gonna be alright. She wasn’t going to let the person that did this get away with their crimes, she didn’t care who came into the crossfire. She wanted to snuff out the life of the monster that tried to take you away from her.

Waking up, hours later, you suffered from an intense headache. At first you couldn’t even stand up from the room spinning and the stinging feeling you felt in your head. But after a while you managed to lift your head up and take in your surroundings. You were in some sort of...basement? You were stuck behind metal bars, making it seem like some sort of jail cell. But, for whatever reason, you didn’t feel cold or uncomfortable. As you looked down you could see that you were laying on a big fluffy mattress with a big silky blanket. Around you on the ground was a bunch of pillows, making sure that there were no hard and cold areas in your “cell”. There were no lights in the basement except for one wall mounted candle that had almost burned out. What is this? Why were you here? You could feel yourself get more and more panicked as you tried to remember what had happened...Whitney? Where was Whitney?! Where was your girlfriend?!

Suddenly, you could hear a key unlocking a door from upstairs, followed by footsteps that soon led down into the basement. Oh god. You began hyperventilating as a figure stood by the end of the staircase that led into the basement. You couldn’t quite make out who it was since the weak candles light didn’t reach their figure, you could only tell they were tall. Your head started to fill up with worry, who was this person? What where they gonna do to you?

“Y/n?” The voice cut through the tension as a hot knife through butter. Was that...That was Whitney! All of the worry that you previously had was gone in a flash. “Wh-Whitney? Help! I’m stuck!” You called out, desperate for help. Suddenly you heard a soft yet menacing chuckle break through the air. You could feel the previous tension start to build up again. “This isn’t funny! Come on! Knock it off and come help me!” You yelled. “Oh but darling, of course your stuck, i tightens the chains pretty hard” She said, now approaching you. As she got closer to the light you could see her much better, but you wished you couldn’t. She was covered with blood, bruises and cuts. You could feel your breathing become heavier. “What happened?! Are you hurt?!” You asked. This only made her laugh harder, okay now you were definitely afraid.

“Oh y/n~ No I’m not hurt, this isn’t my blood after all...” she answered, treading off at the end of her sentence. “What do you mean...who...who’s blood is that!?” You could feel your heart beating faster, you was this? What had they done to your girlfriend? “It’s the blood of that pesky villager you seem to LOVE so much” Whitney said, rolling her eyes at the “love” part. Her voice was full of revulsion and hate. You felt tears well up in the corners of your eyes. She couldn’t have...she wouldn’t hurt your favorite villager, would she? But the blood on her blue dress said otherwise. You put your hands over your mouth, looking down at the floor in disbelief. You didn’t want to look at her, not like this!

“Anyways, how are the chain? Is it too tight? I can soften it a little if you want snappy. I got a little paranoid whilst fastening it” she said, walking into the cell, closing it afterwards. You didn’t respond. You couldn’t respond. To this, Whitney only let out a small sigh. “No, no. You need time. It’s okey, I understand. If it makes you feel any better, the others are fine. As long as no one tries to take you away from here, they won’t get hurt” She told you as she sat down next to you. She wrapped her arms around your small body and pulled you down, wrapping her tail around your leg as she spooned you against her chest. Not being able to handle it anymore, you let your tears fall out of your eyes. Feeling utterly helpless as the woman who you once loved licked the salty tears off your cheeks. “Shhh shhh, it’s okay. I’m here, I’m here”

You didn't want to believe it. This wasn’t the woman you fell in love with. She used to be so loving and caring, you never thought she would cage you up and kidnap you. But unfortunately for you, all good things must come to an end. And she was never gonna let that happen.

#yandere acnh #yandere animal crossing #animal crossing #yandere #yandere whitney #whitney #x reader #im big homosexual for her

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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