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angel-eyes05 · 22 days

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What's In A Name

pairing: roronoa zoro x fem!reader

summary: as a master thief, you pride yourself on never getting caught. that is until you're caught by the straw hats as you try stealing from their ship. unable to turn you in to the authorities just yet, they'll have to make due with storing you on the going merry in the meantime. but, your time in confinement has allowed you to get particularly close to a certain swordsman. how close the two of you get is to be decided though.

warnings/info: nsfw mdni, oral sex (fem receiving), alcohol consumption, drunk/tipsy sex, face riding, my own sex headcanons for zoro are VERY clear here lmao ,takes place in between jaya and skypiea (please pretend theres more time at sea in between those arcs cause this will not work otherwise OK THANKS), this is for the pre-time skip zoro girlies (he's 19 pre-time skip dont come for me), no use of y/n, the first half of this is just cute shenanigans between reader and the straw hats. its a lot of character building stuff but i like it.

word count: 6.3k

notes: HI GUYS IM BACK IVE MADE MY RETURN I FOUND SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!!! and its the longest fic ive ever written too god damn what a comeback lmao. ok so i started watching one piece and im head over heels in love with this man...but i'm only up to water 7 rn so i only know how to properly write for pre-time skip zoro so thats how this is gonna go. i was looking for zoro/one piece fics to read but theyre literally all established relationship ones which aren't my cup of tea so im doing it myself lmao. also i didnt proofread i got too lazy sorry if some stuff doesnt make sense sorry sorry sorry but im a simple lazy tired girlie lmao enjoy!!

dividers by: @cafekitsune

You didn’t know any of their names.

You had been aboard the Going Merry for about three weeks now, and you still hadn’t learned anyone’s names. Granted, your reason for being there wasn’t to make friends anyway. That wasn’t particularly easy to do, being tied up in some storage closet and all.

Being one of the few residents who actually lived on Jaya had allowed you to pick up a skill or two when it came to stealing. Pirates with big bounties and even bigger treasures left their ships unattended at the docks, leaving you with some perfect quick heists from time to time. Some steals were easier than others. As much as you believed in your talents, most of the time your ability to get out unscathed was based purely on the luck of the draw. It wasn’t an easy life, many recent nights leaving you with more injuries than berries and gold pieces, but it was all you knew having lived here for so long.

After having taken a break from heists for a bit, you finally laid your eyes on a ship worth stealing from. A pirate ship with a goat out in front and seemingly orange trees next to the helm. Most of the ships at the dock had been there for a while, leaving the pirates on board used to your tricks already. Being low on cash was another factor. So, after a bit of planning, you made your way onto the ship.

Earlier, you had found that one of the windows to a cabin had been left open, so you decided to make your entrance through there. You gathered your things and dove into the crystal blue water by the dock. Once you made it to the back of the ship, you took your rope, with your own handmade grappling hook at the end, and swung it to hook on the window sill. Luckily for you, it stuck the landing on the first try. You smirked to yourself and used the hook as leverage to climb up onto the ship. Unfortunately, this seemed to be the ship’s bathroom. Not super ideal. You’d have to venture more out into the ship. But with this came the risk of getting caught. Given your dire circumstances though, it was a risk you were willing to take.

With an attempt to make as little creak as possible, you slightly opened the door into the rest of the interior. Coast was clear so far. Suddenly, a shake rattled throughout the interior. You tumbled onto the floor, pushing open a door due to your unbalance. What the fuck was that, you thought to yourself. It quickly became no matter though, when you noticed the door had opened up to a room with a treasure chest tucked away in the back. Jackpot. You slyly made your way into the room and shut the door behind you.

The room was neatly kept, with bookshelves, a couch, two sleeping hammocks, and a desk with navigation tools on it. There was even a bar. Though temptation pursued at you, you had to stay on task. While making your way over to the chest, you heard different creaks vibrating across the walls of the ship. You prayed to yourself that it was just the wood’s reaction to the waves. As you had predicted, the chest was locked, so you searched your bag for anything that could key the lock.

Time became of the essence quickly as the thuds and creaks on the ship grew louder and louder. Finally, the lock to the chest made a perfect click, as the chest unlocked. You lifted the roof of the chest to find a sight for sore eyes: jewels and gold galore. This was it, you were set. You were so in awe with the vision before you, that you had failed to notice the woman standing behind you. The image you saw in one of the emeralds was a tall figure, with jet-black hair just below her shoulders, and dazzling blue eyes. “Looking for something?” the woman questioned, almost sarcastically. You seemed to have forgotten rule number one of thieving. Remember to lock the door behind you.

Quick on your feet, you whip around to throw a punch in her face, but her reflexes seem to be quicker than yours by the way she catches your fist. You then attempt to kick out her legs. The image you see next shakes you to your core. A hand, seeming to appear out of thin air, attaches itself to your calf. The hand then slowly raises your fear-frozen body into the air, dangling you upside down like a party toy. You attempt to throw more hits at her, all seeming to be in vain though. You kick and scream, like a child throwing a tantrum, in an attempt to get out. The woman looks out into the hallway and signals over another one of her companions. Fuck, this is turning sour fast. Before you can make out any other features of the man, besides his cartoonishly long nose, he uses his slingshot to pelt a rock towards your forehead. Your vision goes black as the rest of the pirates rush into the room.

The rough fibers of the rope tying your wrists together were the first thing you felt as you woke up. This was quickly followed by the underlying nausea from the waves rocking the boat, reminding you why you preferred to stay on land. You attempted to stand up, but your dizziness and the rope tying you to the floor weren’t letting you get very far. Suddenly, the door to whatever room you were in swung open, and the group of 7 pirates living on board entered the room. You slinked yourself along the back wall, attempting to disappear into your skin. You weren’t sure what felt worse: The fear of what they were going to do to you, or the embarrassment that you had been doing this for so long and still got caught.

Nope, definitely the embarrassment.

The man, no boy was a better word to describe him, standing in the middle of them attempted to speak to you before a woman with short orange hair cut him off. “If you think we’re gonna let you get off easily just because we’re also pirates, you’d be sorely mistaken!” she spoke, fiery anger lacing her words. The tall woman from earlier put her hand on her shoulder, calming her down, and walked out towards you. You tried to scoot away as much as you could as she crouched down to your level.

“Listen, we want this to be over as much as you do. We would love nothing more than to get you off our ship and drop you off at the nearest island. But unfortunately for us, that would mean having to find a group of marines to hand you over to, who we aren’t the best of friends with right now. And we can’t drop you back off at Jaya since we’re too far by this point. So, for now, we’ll just have to keep you tied down here if that works out with you.” You began to speak before the woman cut you off. “You don’t have much of a choice in the matter by the way.”

She stood back up and began to exit the room, the other pirates following her except for two. The boy with the straw hat and another man, with striking green hair and three swords lying in a holster on his belt. The boy looked somberly at you as if he was against this whole idea. But the green-haired one just stared at you. As uncomfortable as it made you feel, you couldn’t help staring back into his piercingly soft eyes. “Come on, let’s go,” the green-haired man said to the boy, finally breaking eye contact and turning his back to leave. The boy followed him shortly after. As he closed the door, you had nothing left to focus on except for the itchiness of the rope, the empty stuffiness surrounding the storage room, and your worsening seasickness.

The following weeks had the same routine. Each of the pirates on board took individual shifts watching you during the day when they were just out at sea. The strange reindeer creature would watch you when they were out on islands. The first shift was taken by the tall black-haired woman. She would come in at the break of dawn to make sure you didn’t find some way to escape at night. You two would sit in silence for a little more than two hours, asking and answering some questions before switching spots with the blonde one. His company was strange, with him hitting on you at random points in your conversations, but he always brought you breakfast in the morning. As much as he made you uncomfortable sometimes, you couldn’t deny that his cooking was the best you’d had in years. He’d even let you take a hit off his cigarettes if you ever asked, so his visits had its perks.

The next shift was taken by the orange-haired one. The first thing she would always do when walking into the room was ask you how creepy the blonde one was. The answer varied on the day. Once she warmed up to you, she would bring you tangerines from the trees out on the deck. As the days passed, she eventually explained that the treasure you attempted to steal belonged to her, which you begrudgingly apologized for. On some level, you felt bad. These seemed to be small-time pirates, just trying to get by like you were. The more you learned about each of them, the worse you felt about your actions towards them.

Around lunchtime, the long-nosed one would bring you your meal, cooked again by the blonde man. This member would go into detail about his next invention he was working on in his workshop. You admired his passion and energy towards his craft. His rants and rambles were normally interrupted by the reindeer creature coming in for his shift, causing intense, yet entertaining, arguments to break out between the two of them. The reindeer was the sweetest of all the crew members, always checking in on your health and helping you with your seasickness. He would talk about his home and his experiences there. You developed a pity for the creature. His presence was calming, and you felt as if you could let your guard down around him. That would change as soon as the straw hat boy would come bouncing into the room, scaring both you and the animal. You would soon come to learn the energetic boy was the captain of the ship, which shocked you. But you soon came to understand why. His crew had a massive respect for him, even if he was the root of half their problems.

Being on the ship, you got extremely close to all the pirates. Even the tall woman from before seemed to respect you in some way. You enjoyed all of their company. There was something strange about them though. One morning early in your stay on the ship, you could’ve sworn you’d heard the tall woman say something to the rest of the crew.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell her your name. Your name is your biggest secret.”

You didn’t know any of their names. You had thought you heard some of them speak it to each other in passing conversations, but not enough to remember who was who. You had bonded with them, but if someone put a gun to your head and told you to name your prison guard pirates, you’d be dead in seconds.

Except for one.

Zoro seemed to be his name. He would come in for the last shift. His presence didn’t frighten you, but it slightly intimidated you. His habit of carrying his swords everywhere he went wasn’t helping. He was silent his entire shift, normally dosing off halfway through after spending around an hour sharpening his swords You didn’t even attempt to make conversation with him. You found out his name when the captain would yell for him to get back to his sleeping quarters. “Zoro! Your shift’s done, you can sleep for real now!” he shouted across the hall the first time it happened. Zoro almost bounced up from his sleep and gave you one look before bolting out of the room to catch up to the captain. You could hear the echoes of their bickering from down the hall as you giggled to yourself. At least he didn’t seem to always be that stern.

It seemed crazy to you. His name was the only one you knew, yet you knew the least about him. He had hardly said 5 sentences to you in the three weeks you had been on the boat. His stoicism was one of the things that drew you into him though. Something about his demeanor, how intensely he would sharpen his swords, how his worries seemed to melt away the minute he escaped into a slumber, and how alive he seemed when he was with his crew. It was enticing. You wanted to know more. You attempted asking him questions about himself, but the most you would get were one to two-word answers. The most you got from him was when your seasickness finally got to you, causing you to puke up the dinner the blonde one made for you. “Woah, are you okay?” he asked concernedly, shooting up from his seat. When your only response was a cough and more puke, he ran out of the room to go get the reindeer. One thing he failed to do was close the door behind him.

You speculated your options. You had no idea where you were. You could be out in the middle of the ocean. Or you could be right about to dock at land. If you managed to scrape yourself about the ever-loosening rope and sneak out, you’d be free. You’d never have to worry about these pirates again.

At this point though, did you want to?

You took too long to decide, the reindeer rushing into the room with his medical kit, the blonde one short behind him. As the reindeer gave you a dose of medicine and cleaned up your mess and the blonde one held your hand and consoled you, your attention stayed by the doorframe. Zoro leaned against the wood, watching the work from afar. What shocked you most of all was his face. For a man who seemed so disinterested in you and your existence, his brows were furrowed, his cheeks had a light pink stain on them, and a slight frown invaded his face. He was concerned. Maybe even a little nervous. But why? He’d never shown any sort of emotion towards you before other than sleepiness. Once the reindeer and the blonde one left, he continued with his shift. You noticed something though. He sat closer to you than he normally did.

You couldn’t tell, but you were blushing the rest of his shift.

Once he left, you sat in silence, thoughts racing through your mind, until you finally fell asleep.

You noticed a change in his behavior in the next few days. When you would ask him a question, he would respond now. And with more than just a “yes” or “no” too. He had more energy around you and wouldn’t spend his whole shift asleep. He would even let out a chuckle now and then. You didn’t know what you had done differently to get him like this, but you liked him like this. He was sweeter than he let on.

Something had changed in you too though. On the occasions, you would catch yourself looking over his appearance. The more you observed, the more you realized how handsome he was. His clear, warm skin, his hypnotic eyes, his striking hair. You caught his appearance giving you butterflies when he would walk into your storage room. Your heart skipping a beat when he would give you even the smallest smile. You would stare even more when he would nap during his shift. Noticing certain things. The way his breath would hitch sometimes. How he always slept with his mouth open and would wake himself up sometimes with his dry mouth coughs. How his chest rose and fell with his soft breaths. How fighting with a sword in his mouth probably made his tongue stronger than other men you’ve met. You felt weird about it sometimes. Almost like some freakish stalker. But you would feel better about yourself whenever you would catch him staring at you out of the corner of your eye.

As time went on, the crew began to give you some more freedom. The tall woman began leaving some of her archeology books in the storage room to keep you entertained. The orange-haired one would show you all her marked-up maps. The long-nosed one would even let you out of the rope to test his inventions from time to time. With the door locked of course. And then, the big display came. One day, during everyone’s shift, they told you their names. The blonde one was Sanji. The orange-haired one was Nami. The reindeer was Chopper. The long-nosed one was Usopp. Their captain was Luffy. And the tall woman, who initiated your imprisonment, was Robin. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to you. With each passing shift, you grew more excited for the next. To learn the next pirate’s name, and with that, their story. Until the last shift of the day came. And you realized.

You already knew his name.

“My name’s Zoro,” he said quietly. “I know,” you replied, bluntly.

Something felt different about this shift. You didn’t feel the same excitement you normally felt when seeing him. Without your connection to him before, his being the only name you knew, something about him just didn’t excite you as much. Now he noticed your behavior change. “You okay?” he inquired. “Mhm,” you responded in monotony. The rest of his time there was spent in silence.

You felt bad about what you were doing. This wasn’t his fault. Yet you were acting like this. It was almost as if the two of you swapped places. He was now the one trying to dig information out of you. And you gave him nothing more than blank faces and empty words. You wished you could figure out why you were acting like this, but you had no clue.

Today though, the crew was going to take an extra step towards including you. Throughout your time on the Going Merry, you had only left your little storage room prison a few times. To go to the bathroom and visit the kitchen on special occasions. But you hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. After proving to the crew you had changed, they planned a little surprise for you.

Robin woke you up earlier than usual. “Is everything ok?” you asked, still half asleep. Robin just smiled at you. “Come on, get up.” You looked at her confused, as she walked over to your restraints, untying you from the hook keeping the rope down. She took you by your restraints and walked you out to the room. The mix of drowsiness and confusion left you slightly panicked as you realized she was walking you out to the deck. She opened the door to a still-dark morning.

The rest of the Straw Hats were sitting out on the deck, just conversing and eating an extra early breakfast, courtesy of Sanji. They all turned to you once you and Robin walked out. “What’s going on,” you asked, still very confused. “On Thursdays, we all like to get up early and sit out and watch the sunrise. And we were talking about it, and we felt like you should join us this time,” Nami smiled. She stood up and pranced over to you, mouth slightly agape and speechless, and took you over to sit in between her and Zoro. You turned to Zoro, overwhelmed with emotions.

It had been so long since you felt a part of a community of people. You never exactly fit in with the ruthless bands of pirates coming and going on Jaya. Finally feeling connected to people, especially after you wronged them so horribly, brought you happiness you hadn’t felt in ages.

A singular “I-” was all you could manage to get out, a tear trickling down your cheek. “Just enjoy it. They’ll be at each other’s throats again in a minute,” he joked, getting a soft laugh out of you. He smiled gently, brushing the tear off your cheek. His finger lingered there longer than expected. You blushed. The butterflies were back and you caught yourself staring again.

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Nami interrupted. “Well, it’s true!” Zoro retorted, leaning over you to yell at Nami. The two began arguing as you noticed the sun starting to peak out over the horizon. “Shut up you two, you’re gonna make her miss it!” Usopp and Luffy yelled. They stopped bickering once they also noticed the sky begin to turn orange.

The pinks and oranges mixed together in a beautiful watercolor painting as the sun reflected its image on the ocean. The soft waves bobbed the ship up and down in a calming hypnotic motion, almost putting you back to sleep. The beauty of it all was so serene. Against popular opinion, you always preferred sunrises to sunsets. The representation of a new day beginning. It gave you hope in your most dire situations.

You lifted your head back to see the colors slowly spreading to the rest of the sky. Everyone to your right was in the same headspace you were like they were in some sort of trance. They were all cuddling against each other, Robin holding Chopper in her lap, Luffy and Usopp mimicking each other’s smiles, and Nami resting her head on Sanji’s shoulder. They all seemed so close to each other. Like a little family. Connected. You turned to Zoro to see if he was doing the same as the others, but all you found was his eyes softly gazing into yours, and his hand slowly inching towards yours. The minute he snapped out of it, he sharply turned his head and hand away and cleared his throat. You couldn't help but laugh at his schoolboy behavior. With your ego controlling your actions, you took his hand and slowly intertwined his fingers with yours. You could see a smile float onto his face out of the corner of your eye. You did the same.

The rest of the day was spent out on the deck. The feeling of the sun on your skin for the first time in weeks was euphoric. All you wanted to do was soak it all in. The Straw Hats must have been in a good mood today, because, with some extra convincing, you got them to finally take off your shackles. You spent most of the day sunbathing out on the deck with Nami. She had let you borrow one of your bikinis. You two were slightly different sizes though, so the suit was a little tight on you. You didn’t mind very much. You were just happy to be out of the same clothes you had worn for 3 weeks. Sanji didn’t mind either, ogling both you and Nami and basically worshipping the two of you. “It’s ok, he’ll get over it in a few hours,” Nami consoled. You circled the deck a few times to see if Zoro was anywhere in sight, but you couldn’t seem to find him. He probably went inside to nap away from the heat. Part of you wanted him to get the rest he deserved. The other really wanted him to see you in your outfit.

The day really took a turn when Usopp brought out the liquor from the kitchen. “I was saving that asshole!” Sanji yelled. “Oh come on, this is a special occasion!” Usopp pleaded. With some more convincing, Sanji finally gave in. You and the crew got increasingly drunk throughout the evening, Zoro eventually coming out from wherever he was napping to join the party. You all had even decided to jump into the ocean and swim around for a little bit. All except for Chopper, very sober and very nervous for any incoming sea monsters. He had managed to get you all back onto the ship with some very convincing pleading.

You and Zoro caught each other catching glimpses of one another throughout the rest of the day. Zoro admiring your figure in the swimsuit, and you ogling at the way his damp shirt hugged at his muscles. One by one, as day grew into night, crew members began to pass out on the deck, deciding to sleep outside for the night. You and the other members who wanted to go back into the cabin, Zoro and Robin, made your way back down into the ship. “Make sure you tie her back up. No hard feelings but we can’t be too careful.” Even slightly tipsy, she was still her stern old self. “Yeah whatever whatever, goodnight to you too,” Zoro drunkenly pushed off. You giggled and blushed as he took your hand and led you down the stairs into the cabin. Robin sighed to herself as she watched the two of you scamper off.

You felt your heartbeat get increasingly faster as he led you to your room. For some reason, the air in the hallway got thicker as you got closer. You blamed it on your tipsiness. But your heart slowly sank as you got to the door, realizing you had to say goodbye to Zoro for the day. He opened the door and stumbled into your room, leading you in behind him. He closed the door behind him, hesitating for a moment before going to wrap the rope back around your wrists.

He seems distressed for some reason, breathing heavily and avoiding eye contact. You look down at your hands, as he so gently maneuvers the rope around them. The butterflies begin to well up in your stomach again, the alcohol fueling their ferocity. His hands. So calloused yet so gentle. You can smell the remnants of sake exuding from Zoro’s heavy breaths. You looked back up at him. Were you two always standing this close together? You the butterflies keep rising and rising. You don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re not sure if you should run, kiss him, punch him, but you have to do something before you implode. Until. He stops.

The rope undoes itself in his hands as he freezes. His hands are shaking, his breath is heavy, and his eyes avoid yours like the plague. You were just getting antsy but Zoro seemed in distress. “Hey?” you ask, lowering your hands and dropping the rope to the floor. “Zoro?” You take your hand under his chin and lift his eyes to yours. You might throw up at any second. His eyes are so softly intense.

He brushed his thumb against your cheek, sending chills down your spine. You both want the same thing. Both of you are just too scared to take the chance. “It’s ok. You’re okay,” you reassure him, placing your hand over his heart. His heart, which happens to be underneath his bare chest, him having taken off his wet shirt earlier. His breathing slows, and his eyes move down ever so smoothly from your eyes to your plump lips. You catch yourself doing the same to him, and you inching closer to him. “You’re fine.” Closer. “We’re gonna be…fine.” Your lips barely brush each other. The gentleness of the kiss is calming though, as you notice Zoro’s breath slowing.

You brush again. And again. And again. Lips touching a little more with each meet. Until they fully interlock. The two of you melt into each other as Zoro wanders your back into a wall for support. Your kisses are structured, made to get the most out of each meeting. You’re both ravenous for each other, but you know if you go at each other like mad dogs, you won’t get what you want. So you both take your time getting to know the feeling of the other person’s mouth. You slip a moan out as Zoro’s tongue seeps between your lips. His kisses get slightly more sloppy as he runs his hands down your body. He feels the underneath of your breasts, the curves of your waist and hips, and finds a nice resting place under your ass. Your hands roam his cheeks and jaw, making their way to tug slightly on his moss-colored hair.

“Needed this,” Zoro whispers in between kisses. “Needed you so badly. But I didn’t know how.” He separates his lips from yours and plants kisses and hickeys along your jaw and neck. “I was always just too nervous for some reason. You make me so nervous.” His hands find their way into your bikini bottom and fondle your asscheeks, getting a low moan out of you. The alcohol must’ve given him a confidence boost. “Good to see you found your footing now,” you whisper in his ear. He chuckles, the butterflies speeding up in your stomach.

The two of you stay here for a little bit. Hell, you could stay like this for hours. Just soaking each other in. Feeling his warmth brought a fire into your soul. You could tell Zoro was getting a little antsy though, one of his hands moving from your back to your front, beginning to slowly circle your clit. The other hand went to your bikini, untying the back and letting it fall to the floor as his mouth moved to your breast. Waves of pleasure crashed through your body as you let him do his work. “God, you sure this is your first time?” you moaned out. He removed his mouth from your nipple to talk. “Never said it was, sweetheart. You just assumed it.” “Well from the loner vibe you got going on mixed with being on this ship 24/7, you can’t blame me for thinking that.” “Well the loner vibe worked on you, so who’s to say it hasn’t worked on others?” he smirked. You laughed to yourself as he got down on his knees.

Zoro slipped off your bikini bottom, completing the set on the floor. He kissed your v-line with the same softness he treated your lips to. He sat back on his knees for a moment to catch his breath, looking up at you, as if to ask for permission. You held your hand out to his cheek and rubbed it with your thumb. His eyes closed as he placed his hand over yours, as if you would ever take it away from him. God now this was a sight you could get used to. He was so infatuated with you it made your heart ache. He was right here at your disposal, yet you wanted more of him. So you bent down and gave him a sloppy forehead kiss. Once you were back up, he decided to go in.

Like most things he does, he started slow and controlled. He kissed and sucked on your inner thighs. Once his hand finally left your clit, you knew he was ready. He kissed your cunt, using his tongue to lick up your wetness. You could pass out right now if you had less self-control. Whimpers and moans left your lips, your hips naturally starting to grind against his nose, relieving the ache in your clit. You let him know what felt good by the tugs and yanks you put in his hair. He was a natural. Your guess about his tongue earlier was right too. “You taste so good, just as I imagined,” Zoro breathed onto your lips. You could tell he was starting to lose his composure with the way he continued to bury his face into your pussy. Your cunt naturally tightened around his tongue as he tasted you. Your hips began to buck into his face as your grinding pace increased, the butterflies turning into a white heat you felt getting stronger and stronger. Your bud was becoming more swollen by the second. Your grip on his hair tightened to make up for your failing knees.

You wouldn’t be able to take much more. Zoro wouldn’t either, his hand making its way into his pants to relieve his own bulge. His pace got faster to match your grinds. The smack of your lips against his tongue, mixed with both of your moans, was pornographically loud. Suddenly, the situation of Robin or another crew member hearing became an apparent one to you. That worry quickly left your mind once one of Zoro’s hands made its way to fondle your nipple. If he asked you to follow him anywhere right now, you might just do it if it meant this every other night. You felt he knew your body better than you did. “So pretty. So good for me. You make this so easy,” Zoro groaned between licks. “Zoro god fuck me please!” Your final whimper sent you over the edge as you wailed and came all over his perfect face. He licked up your juices as he finished his own job as well. Your knees finally gave out as you fell on top of him, into his arms.

He brought you down gently, straddling you on his lap as you wrapped your arms around him. He traced his cum soaked hand across your back and kissed your nape. You were more exhausted than expected, almost passing out in the crook of his neck. Even now, he was so gentle with you. “You did so good, darling,” he praised, kissing your earlobe. “Want…more…want you…inside me,” you managed to get out. He just laughed and pushed you up to look at you. “If you took me right now, I don’t think you’d wake up tomorrow morning. Look at you, you can barely keep your eyes open, sweetheart,” he teased. You pouted. “Oh, you feel that proud of yourself?” your drunkenness fueling your frustration. “No no no, sweetheart,” he chuckled. Once your frown didn’t change, he stopped laughing and pressed a kiss deep into your forehead. “I’m sorry. What I meant was, if I fucked you with everything I have left right now, which is the only way I would want to do it, this floor would leave us with sore backs for weeks.” You stayed frowning. “I want to fuck you right, the way you deserve. And I can’t do it for you right now.” You pouted more at him. He smiled up at you and leaned in closer to your ear. “If you trust me, I promise I’ll make it worth your while. You’ll be walking funny for weeks.” God, you almost came again just now. You didn’t notice how much your jaw dropped until Zoro laughed at you. You couldn’t help but laugh back in tune with his infectious laughter.

He kissed you with a fever behind his lips, then scanned the room around the two of you. “What’s wrong?” you drowsily asked. The exhaustion from you coming, the sleepiness brought by the alcohol, and how late it was getting was starting to overpower you. Zoro didn’t respond. He just grabbed your swimsuit and helped you put it back on, tightened your legs around his hips, and hoisted you up as he stood. You decided to ask questions once you had a clearer idea of what was happening. He opened the door and walked with you down the hallway, passing the girl’s quarters and into the men’s room. He checked inside quickly before bringing you in and signaling you to bring your legs down. You confusedly followed him to his bed as he groaned, rubbed his back, and sat down on the edge of the bunk. “Wanna explain to me what you’re doing?” you asked, slightly more awake. “If you think I’m just gonna leave you to sleep alone, tied up, on that dirty floor after what we just did, then you must think I’m a really shitty guy,” Zoro quipped before getting under the covers and trying to pull you down. You put some resistance towards him though.

“B-but Zoro, I’m not supposed to be in here.”

“I know.”

“If someone catches me in here we’re both fucked.”

“They won’t catch you.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ll wake up before Robin starts her shift.”

“Are you sure, I mean I just don’t kn-.”

“Hey.”

You stop your nervous rabbling and look at him as he sits back up. “Do you want to go back and sleep on the cold, dirty, hard floor?” You really didn’t. “No.” “Then stay here with me.” “But what if-.” “Do you trust me?”

You sure hope you did after all of that. His kind eyes reassured you in the darkness surrounding the two of you. You took a deep breath and nodded. “Do you trust me?” he asked again. “I trust you, Zoro,” you confirmed. He smiled kindly at you. “You’re fine. We’re gonna be fine.” He steadied you by placing his hands on your hips, running his hands along your waist, and pressing his lips into your tummy. You loved the way he looked at you. Like you were his whole world. It was comforting.

He took your hand and helped you into bed. You bundled yourself under the covers and wrapped yourself around his frame. He kissed your temples one more time before slipping into sleep, his light snores hypnotizing you into a slumber of your own.

The last thing you remember before dozing off was the feeling of his hands on your waist.

Everything you wanted was right here. In front of you. Straight out of a dream. Your only fear was that it would be gone once you woke up.

a/n: THIS TOOK FOREVER GOOD LORD. anyways thanks for being here for my comeback era lol. my upload schedule is NOT going to be consistent this is just a little splurge i wanted to write lol. thank you for reading i really appreciate it (i also really appreciate engagement lol please like repost comment etc im greedy). i love one piece and i love zoro. once i meet law expect all hell to break loose im gonna write so much fanfiction about him its concerning hes so fine im so excited. anyways lol thanks love you bye.

#one piece #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa #one piece zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #roronoa zoro x y/n #x reader #zoro x reader

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moneymasnn · 2 years

Text

Our Chaotic little family| Charles Leclerc

Notes: This is around 4.5k words and ive not proof read it so im sorry in advance for that aha, also I dont speak French so im sorry if either anything is incorrect or the fact he his French and this is an English fic. But I hope you guys enjoy some protective dad!Charles xoxoxo

Blurb: One where you daughter gets a boyfriend, and Charles is not happy about it at all.

Warnings: Swearing, some small angst with angry Charles.

You and Charles had known each other since before you could remember, he had always been the boy next door that you had a huge crush on. After he set off on his formula 1 career you didn't see that much of him, thinking the ship had sailed, but somehow fate made it happen. You had been lucky enough to get to love each other when you were only young, Charles was 20, you were 19.

You both experienced the bittersweetness of young love, until eventually he was the man you wanted to spend every waking moment with, you were never sure if you wanted to ever get married or even have children for that matter, but with him it was different.

And here you were, you were married and had three children, and you couldn't ever think you could be more happy.

Your oldest, Leo, was now seventeen, his dad takes him out at least three times a week teaching him to drive. You hadn't had the confidence to let Leo drive you around yet, but you knew with Charles he would learn quickly, you knew because Charles was the first person to teach you to drive a car too.

Your third and youngest was little baby arthur, who earned his name after giving you the most chaotic pregnancy of them all. He was only seven years old, he had gotten a lot more better behaved with age but was still your little menace. Charles used to say that he would be a footballer when he was older considering how much he liked to kick your stomach. He was born three weeks early at the Monaco Grand prix. A story for another day, but even before Arthur was born he was a handful pregnancy so that's how it was an easy decision to name him after Charles' youngest brother, who was also a chaotic handful.

Your only little girl, Juliana or jules was fifteen turning twenty one. she was starting to experience the world of womanhood. She wasn't as much her daddys little girl as she got older, something Charles had grown to hate.

Jules was your best friend, you wanted her to have the comfort of knowing her mum was there for her throughout her whole life, something you never had growing up. She had recently told you about a boy she had grown to like, you knew she had been hiding something from you, so did charles. You knew she would tell you about this boy soon, Charles however was praying that her happy mood had nothing to do with the male species.

You were standing in the kitchen, baking some cookies for a birthday party for one pierres children and Arthur junior was helping you, and by helping he was just eating all the chocolate chips. It was a late sunny friday afternoon, the type of restful afternoon where Charles wasnt off racing that weekend, the kind of fridays you liked to hold on too.

Charles was talking Leo out for an afternoon drive and Jules was sitting on the sofa giggling at her phone like the giddy little love struck child she was.

Leo was scrambling around the house to find his lucky driving shoes and Charles came up behind you in the kitchen, wrapping his hands around your waist and leaning forward to kiss your temples. He looked up to see what you were looking at, but his brows furrowed when he was his little girl twirling her hair and giggling at her phone.

“What on earth could she be laughing at her phone like that for?” He said.

You rolled your eyes at your husband's words, spinning around and placing your hands on his chest. His eyes still glued on his daughter.

“Her friends probably sent her a funny video.” You tried to shrug it off, but Charles wasn't dropping it.

“Mon amour, I know that look.” He looked at you, shooting you a knowing look.

A smirk crawled on ur lips as you turned back around to watch your daughter who was now sprawled out on the sofa on her stomach, twirling her hair, biting her lip with her feet swinging in the air.

“What look?”

“You're her carbon copy, y/n. I know that look a little to well.” He glances at you with a knowing expression.

“Dad! I'm ready!” Leo's voice echoed around the kitchen causing Charles to kiss your lips quickly and whisper a goodbye.

“Papa! Gross!” Arthur shouted from where he was perched on the kitchen counter, an empty bag of chocolate chips in hands and the rest all around his mouth.

“I'll go to the shop for you on the way back or your chocolate chip cookies aren't going to be very chocolatey.” Charles said to you looking back at his son in gramance who was touching every surface in the kitchen with his chocolate covered fingers.

After Charles left you gave Arthur a bath, watching as he climbed in the bubbled filled tub with all his toys.

“Mama, is papa your boyfriend?” He asked you, just as you were about to exit the bathroom.

“No sweetheart-” you giggled at your son's randomness, “he's my husband, we got married long before you were born.” You perch down by the bath, dipping your fingers in the bath, splashing him slightly making him giggle.

“What makes you ask that?”

“Julie has a boyfriend.” he said, blowing some of the bubbles from the bath.

“How do you know that?” You knew it was wrong to get Arthur to tell you all the gossip, but he was a great little ear wiger.

It wouldn't be the first time he had told you and Charles a story that he had accidentally overheard. Like when Pierre and his wife first found out they were expecting another baby Arthur had accidentally overheard a private conversation about Pierre's wife not being able to drink alcohol, after that you and Charles added up the dots.

“She was saying she has a boyfriend on the phone, I heard Julie saying papa would be mad.”

You took a moment, so it was true, your daughter did have a boyfriend…

After getting Arthur out of the bath you decided to let him play with his toys in his room while you went to speak to your daughter, who still hadn't moved from her position on the couch. You decided to sit next to her and pry some information out of her before Charles got home.

“Soooo.” you said, pursing your lips, sitting across from her. She didn't even make the effort to look up at you, just a simple hum.

“Julianna.” you said sternly, that caught her attention as he raised her eyesight slightly.

“Yes, mother.” She sarcastically said, rolling her eyes at your use of her full name.

“Okay, if you want to be like that.” You said with a smirk, leaning over and switching off the phone and pushing it down onto the sofa.

“I just want to talk, you've seemed a bit… occupied at the moment.”

“I'm sorry I have friends.” she sarcastically said as she sat up, crossing her arms of her chest with a frown.

“Not only friends, I've been told you have a more than a friend.” You cringed as you said it, you were bad at this.

“That little shit! Authur told you he didn't.” she said, shocked.

“Language, missy! It doesn't matter who told me, but I want to know what's going on in your life, you can trust me.” You smiled, uncrossing her arms and talking her hand in yours.

“There's a boy…” she mumbled.

“Tell me, mon cheri.”

“He's not my boyfriend though.” You noticed the hit of sadness in her eyes as she looked down.

“It's silly, i know your going to tell me i'm too young-”

“I don't think you're silly, mon amour.” You said, pulling your arms open so she can rest her head on your shoulder.

“In fact, I probably understand more than anyone else.” you kissed the spot behind her ear, tucking her hair back as you could tell she wanted to listen to what had to say.

“You know, I was about, maybe fourteen when I fell in love with your father.”

She raised her head to look up at you, “Really?”

You nodded your head with a small smile at the time, “I don't think I knew at the time, but I always had a crush on the boy next door for as long as i could remember.”

“It took your father a little longer than me to realise he liked me back, he came and gate crashed my first proper date.”

“What?” She said with a smile as she begged you to tell her the story.

“Your father was such a romantic, he walked into the restaurant right as the mains came out and said there was a family emergency and he needed to take me home. Then we got in his car and I was all panicked wondering what the family emergency was and he just kissed me.” You couldn't stop the smile that formed on your lips as you told the story. It was all true, Charles had gate crashed your first proper date, and ever since you had both been inseparable.

“That's really sweet mum.”

“The point is, these things take time, especially love. I don't doubt your feelings for this boy if you say you have them, and if he feels the same he will show you sooner or later.” You smile at her, holding her closer.

“I really like him, mum.”

You were about to reply when Leo and Charles both stumbled through the door. You kissed Julianna on the head and stood up to see your husband smiling with slightly flushed cheeks and a bag of chocolate chips in his hands.

“How did your driving lesson go baby? You asked Leo, ruffling his long brown hair, the exact same way his father has it.

He just shot you a sheepish smile, shrugging his shoulders and he looked over to his father who smiled slightly.

“Hes- hes learning, that's all that matters.” Charles said as he looked at Leo with a smile.

When Leo walked off to his room Charles followed you into the kitchen, placing the chocolate on the side.

You waited for Leo to be out of ear shot before Charles burst out with giggles in the kitchen.

“Was it that bad?” You smiled as Charles placed his head on your shoulder.

“Mon dieu, i'm just happy to get home in one piece.” he laughed as he brought you into a hug.

You watched as Charles noticed Jules was still on her phone, but he didnt question it this time, he decided he was going to have a shower and get into bed.

After you had made the cookies for tomorrow you decided it was time for bed too, you decided to check on the kids before you did, leo was playing on his xbox and you could hear julie was on the phone in her room so you left her alone. You could hear faint giggles from your room so you knew you didn't need to check on Arthur since he and Charles were curled up in bed watching a movie.

You smiled as you jumped in the shower, leaving the boys to watch their movie and by the time you were done Arthur was fast asleep on charles.

Charles looked up at you with a cheeky smile.

“He's excited for tomorrow, I told him Pierre got a bouncy castle for the party.”

You leaned over and gave your husband a long kiss on the lips.

“What was that for?” he smirked.

You shrugged before you got under the covers, pulling your book from your bedside table and putting on your glasses.

Charles watched as you put the goddamn glasses on that he loved so much.

That's when he got out of bed, pulling Arthur up with him, probably to put him to bed.

“I will be right back.” Charles whispered with a wink.

“I'll be waiting.”

The next day it seemed like a struggle to get everyone up and out the house. Arthur was ready first with Charles as they were both sitting on the sofa watching the tv. Jules had gotten changed about seven times and Leo was upset that he couldn't drive the whole family to uncle perrie's house. Charles just replied to his son with an honest answer that we all did want to make it to the party in one piece. And on the down side you hadn't felt the best all morning.

After putting on a small yellow summer dress you were ready to step out into the Monaco sun.

Pierre had three children also, Noah who was around Leo's age, the pair got on really well, they reminded you of Pierre and Charles when they were younger, Noah even had pierres charm and witty humour. And then there was arlo who was six, with only a few months age difference between him and arthur the pair got on really well, and pierres new baby layla, who was turning one today.

After finally managing to get everyone in the car and to Pierre's house you could relax slightly more. Pierre and Charles stood in the garden by the bbq with beer in each hand while you sat on a chair lounger with a smile on your face as you held the birthday girl layla.

You were reminiscing when Arthur was this small, when his whole hand would fit into your palm, but your smile never faded when you looked to see Charles smiling over at you. You held up Layla's hand and waved at him, and he waved back, his heart fluttering seeing you with another baby.

“Please don't tell me you have baby fever? Thinking about popping out another one.” Pierre nudged charles.

“What, no.” Charles blushed.

“So, you're all done then?”

“I don't know, we've never spoken about having more.”

“Well judging by the smile on her face, she's already thought about it.”

When charles turned back around to look at you he noticed you making your way from the garden to indoors, you had mentioned all morning that you haven't felt well, he could only assume you was going to be sick, judging by the look on your face he handed pierre his beer and ran down to the bottom of the garden to the patio doors to pierres garden.

When he walked through the doors he bumped straight into your back.

“Mon amour, are you feeling okay?”

But you never answered Charles' question, instead you stood with your mouth wide open looking over to the sofas in the corner of the room.

After seeing your attention was else where charles turned around to see what you were looking at, but his face flushed red when he was his precious little girl and pierres stupid son with his tounge down her throat.

“Oh no!” Charles shouted, his hand falling from your shoulder as he pointed at the two teenagers that had just been caught.

“No fucking way in hell, get your hands of my daughter gasly!” Charles shouted as the two teenagers scrambled to make as far distance between them both as possible.

“Noah is the boy you told me about?” Your mouth had been agape the whole time, you were not expecting that.

“You knew?!” Charles turned to you, his face still flsuhed as there was steam practically coming out of his ears.

“Well i- I didn't know it was Noah she was talking about.” You shouted back at charles.

“You told your mum about me?” Noah smirked at Jules as she blushed a deep shade of red and put her head down.

“Mum, dad you're really embarrassing me.” she said through gritted teeth and wide eyes.

“Don't look at her like that gasly or I swear to god I'm going to-” But as Charles went to make his way over to the young boy who was standing still behind the sofa. Pierre had come in after hearing all the competition from outside, placing his hands on Charles' chest as he pushed him back before Charles could finish his sentence.

“Why are you shouting?” Pierre said to his friend, “What's going on?” he asked as he turned to you.

“What is going on? Good question pierre, what the fuck is going on, both of you!” Charles pointed to the two guilty teenages in the corner, that's when Pierre turned around and had figured out what was happening.

Pierre was trying to stifle his giggles as he looked at his son, his best friend's daughter and back to his best friend.

“No way! This is great, Jules is a great girl Noah, I'm happy for you!” Pierre exclaimed and turned to smile at you, you just nodded at the man with a smile. At least one of them was happy.

“What? No!” Charles looked back at Pierre who had a very contrasting reaction to him.

“He is not good enough for my daughter, no one is, Julianna get in the car, we're going home!”

“Charles.” you called, but he didn't hear you.

He was shouting and you had a massive headache, and also so much was happening all you could tell was he was acting very irrational right now.

“What do you mean not good enough for your daughter?” Pierre asked, offended as he stepped to charles.

“You know exactly what I mean. I know what you were like as a teenager, remember?”

“Charles-” you tried to interrupt.

“No y/n, i'm right. He's just like you, see that little smirk on his smug face, I know what he wants and he's not getting it from my daughter!”

“Dad!” Jules shouted from across the room as hers and Noah's face turned red.

“How dare you say that about my son!”

“I'm not wrong Pierre, you used to get through the girls when we were younger, I doubt he's no different!”

“Charles!'' You shouted his name one more time, however this time you caught the attention of Pierre who looked over charles shoulder to see you looking rather green with a hand over your mouth.

All of pierres attention suddenly turned to you as he cocked his head to the side and his eyes widened.

“Charles, I think she's going to throw up.” And with that Charles realised the reason he had abandoned his stop at the bbq to follow you in her anyway.

“Shit, mon amour, are you okay?”

You didn't reply, just shaking your head as you held your hand over your mouth and ran to the toilet.

Charles had gone to follow you to the toilet but then he noticed a hand around his daughters waist and his attention changed.

“HANDS OFF GASLY!”

And with that Noah's hands were in the air as Jules pulled him off of her, tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at her dad.

“I'm not your little girl anymore dad!” she shouted before running back outside.

Charles groaned as he ran to where he could hear you being sick in the toilet, he grabbed your hair and rubbed your back.

“Mon amour, what's going on?” he asked as he handed you some tissues to wipe your mouth.

“Charles, I need to tell you something.”

“I'm listening.”

“We're going to need a bigger car.”

Charles' expression dropped as his slight smile faded.

“Don't worry about that right now, you sick, okay? Once we get you home I'll buy you all the bigger cars in the world.” He smiled but you could see he thought you were delusional as he looked you head in his hands and kissed your forehead.

“No charles, we need a bigger car for an extra person.” you giggled.

“If this is about Noah, he's not coming home with us?” Charles shaked his head as he looked at you.

You laughed again at how clueless he looked, you took his hands in yours, “we need another car seat too.”

“We got Arthur a new one last month- Mon amour? Are you feeling okay?” Charles was getting a bit nervous now, you were making no sense to him.

You look at his hand that was in yours and placed it on your stomach.

“Charles, I'm pregnant.” you smiled at him as you whipped the dribble from your chin.

“Surprise.” you smiled, lazily waving jazz hands as you dropped against the wall of the toilet, your head hurting even more after throwing up.

“Are you sure?” Charles' eyes lit up as he leaned over closer, his hand still on your stomach.

You nodded as you looked down at his hand and placed yours on top.

“Another one?” Charles let out a laugh as tears welled up in his eyes.

You both laughed as he moved so he was next to you crouched against the wall and you placed your head on his shoulder.

“How long have you known?” he asked you, kissing your temple as he tried to stop the tears.

“I've known for a few days, since when we went for that meal with Carlos and Isa and I was sick.”

“I thought that was food poisoning?” Charles laughed.

“Yeah, apparently not. Insted we have a sixth member to add to our not so little family.” You giggled.

After what felt like a few moments in silence with Charles as he held your stomach, continually kissing your temple and head you spoke up, nursing your little bubble on the toilet floor of Pierre's house.

“Charles, you need to apologise to Pierre, Noah, and jules.”

Charles groaned as he threw his head back, “let me just stay in here with you for a minute.” he complained.

“Do I really have to apologise?” he asked you with a pout.

“Yes.”

Charles helped you to stand up as you both made your way out the bathroom, Charles could sense the angry looks from everyone at the party as he could see his daughter crying into her uncle carlos’ arms as he gave Charles a death stare.

“Go apologise to her.” you ushered him on, he gave your waist a small squeeze as he kissed your temple and looked in a deep breath.

“Will you be okay?”

“Charles, go.”

When Charles made his way over to Carlos who had his arms wrapped around julianna as she sobbed into his arms you sat down on the outdoor sofa. Rubbing your head as you sunk back into the pillows, you prayed this pregnancy would be an easy one, and hopefully your last.

Until there was a little cough that caught your attention.

It was little Noah with a glass of water in his hands and a very nervous smile as he ushered the glass towards you.

“Thank you, noah.” You smile as you take the glass from him.

“Could I please sit, y/n?”

“Of course you can sweetie.”

You liked Noah, you could understand where Charles was coming from, Pierre was a very typical teenage boy growing up, but you knew from Noah's parents that he had been brought with the morals to treat girls properly.

“Are you feeling okay?” The young boy asked you.

“I'm fine, dont worry about me, are you okay?” you asked him, rubbing his shoulder as you could see how tense he was.

“I'm really sorry, I didn't want to get jules in trouble.” you giggled slightly at the boy.

“No ones in trouble noah, just confused.”

“Charles- he can be scary when he's angry.”

You laughed again as you looked at the boy, “don't be scared of charles, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's just protective of his little girl.”

There was a silence that loomed for a second as you both watched Julianna and Charles hug in the garden, a sign that they had made up.

“I really really like your daughter.” You turn and smile at Noah, the smell of young love radiating from him.

“I don't doubt your feelings, noah. But I am worried you both might be a bit young and naive. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but just be careful. We don't choose who we love, but we can choose who we hurt.”

And with that you engulfed Noah in a hug as he whispered to you a small thank you.

“First my daughter and now my wife, maybe I should take it all back.” You looked up to see your husband with a sheepish look on his face as Noah flushed red.

“Dad!” Jules shouted as she hit his chest causing him to moan a small sorry.

After that Noah sat up, shaking hands with charles.

“I'm here to be civil noah, you seem like a sensible young man, don't prove me wrong.” Charles nodded at Noah who replied with a ‘yes sir’ causing you to giggle.

“And if i see your hands on her again don't doubt that i won't-”

“Dad!” Jules repeated, “you said you wouldn't threaten him!”

Charles finally let go of Noah's hand, eyeing up the boy as he and Julianna walked off. He came and sat next to you on the outside deck, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he kissed ur temple and quickly rubbed his hand over your stomach when no one was looking.

“Let's hope this one decides she doesn't want to get married until she's at least forty, or even speak to boys.” You giggled as charles moves his head closer to your stomach.

“You hear me, no boys!”

“How do you know it's a girl?”

“Oh it's a girl, I can smell the trouble from here.”

You laughed as you leaned into his shoulder.

“Did you make up?”

“We did.”

“They grow up so fast, y/n.” Charles sighed as he watched Leo think he was being discreet with his uncle Max as Max was letting him have a few sips of his beer, Arthur was jumping on the bouncy castle like he had been all day and Julianna was laughing with Noah in the corner.

“Well, we still have one more to enjoy, and athurs always going to be a momma's boy.” You shrugged as Charles turned to you.

“No way he's a daddy's boy.”

You laughed at Charles when you realised he was being serious.

“Oh no way, Arthur definitely loves me more.”

“At this moment in time Leo is my favourite.”

“Charles, you can't call favourites!”

“I can, and mine is leo.” charles smirked

You laughed as you snuggled up to your husband more, happy and content with your little chaotic family.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc fic #Charles leclerc imagine #Charles leclerc fluff #Charles leclerc x reader #f1 #f1 fandom #f1 x you #f1 fic #f1 drivers #dad!charles #dad!charles leclerc #Ferrari #carlos sainz

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christinarowie332 · 6 months

Text

“parasite” chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: lots of swearing, gruesome imagery??idfk . suggestive ?

toxic situation ship between reader and chris ….

____________________

parasite .

your phone lights up for the seventeenth time in the last 5 minutes .

"just fuck off man" you whisper to nobody as your phone is flipped over with an exasperated sigh.

exactly 7 minutes ago you got an instagram tag from some random kids account . ignoring the name of the account your eyes flicker over the first few lines in the caption , you pick up on "chris sturniolo" and "girlfriend" along with "public kiss" . your eyebrows furrow and make a home over your now searching eyes and parted lips . your heart drops once again once you click on the actual post with shaking hands .

It's him . your chris . your chris with a girl who looks nothing like you , the exact opposite . She's beautiful . Her jawline is almost drawn in , a sharp angle which blends perfectly into his , as one of his hands holds the side of her waist the other placed on her throat . He's kissing her . your fucking chris . you leave absolutely no time to grieve . as fast as the tears pooled in your eyes you blinked them away . you tilted your head upwards and took a deep breath , exhaling a fast quick one, laughing in disbelief . you shook your head to yourself and straightened your back before sending the post to Chris himself .

"cute thing to find out over instagram chris" you added with the post .

realistically , he isnt your chris . yes you have been seeing each other for months , but you have never once said your together . he says "i'm just not ready baby" "cmon y/n , you know it's not like that , your the only one i want , i'm just not ready yet"

fucking dick

That takes us to now . you sit with your knees to your chest, your deep breaths forcing your breasts to be slightly squashed under the pressure as your lungs rise and fall . The blanket holding you is the only comfort you feel staring at the floor .Holding your vape weaving it between your fingers and flipping it around in your hand . you blink out of your trance at the sound of your phone vibrating next to you . you tightly close your eyes , feeling a slight vibration in your forehead at the hard tension . you open your eyes again and grab your phone which is displaying a call . "dickhead <3" .chris . I went to answer the call before hesitating for a second to take a deep breath .

"i dont wanna hear shit from you chris" you say before even getting phone to your ear

"y/n thats not me bro , i swear to god" he whines out slightly , desperation in his voice clear .

you let out a dry chuckle and roll your eyes , " fucking liar bro , I SAW THE FUCKING PHOTO CHRIS." you exhale a shaky breath and wait for his response .

your left with only silence , hearing him breathe and the distant faint bass in the background .

"not ready my fucking ass , seven months chris . seven months i have wasted , i can't believe you . seven fucking months i have waited for you . seven months i have spent falling in love with you , while you were fucking-" you cut your self off , realising you have absolutley no idea what he has been doing . your bottom lip quivers slightly before you purse them together , biting down hard enough to draw blood .

"im sorry" after a few seconds of silence he finally replies . his voice slightly gruff and hourse .

"fuck you" you say before ending the call and trowing in to the other side of the sofa . it slides under a pillow slightly .

the moment your phone isn't in view . the knot in your chest finally snaps , you feel your heart finally snap and the remaining hope for him go with it .Your chest shakes in the same motion as you sob . fingers that were harshly digging through layers of sweaty skin in your palm make their way to your hair , pulling so hard it could snap . The nausea comes back , turning your stomach like the seasons over a too familiar seven months .

it's only when you hear the front door open do you get up from your pit in the sofa curled up into yourself . you turn your body still sat, feeling confusion and fear in equal parts . your heart rapidly starts beating, enough to snap a rib . you try and take a breath as you stare at the door frame , expecting the worse , said breath gets caught as you hear soft steps approaching you , your eyes widen as you search around your now messy living room . searching for a weapon, or your phone , your eyes scan the room rapidly , grabbing a candle that was sitting on a coffee stained table .

"y/n?" you hear his voice before you see him . His hair is wet , along with his shoulders and upper arms , turning his light grey sweatshirt into a messily patterned sight . his eyes soften as he sees you . searching your expression . Then his eyes flicker to the candle raised in the air , furrowing his wet eyebrows , tilting his head in confusion before curling his lips into a shy smirk.

"a candle ? really?" he says, widening his smirk and taking a step towards you .

he stops in his tracks as you take a step back from him , lowering the candle and throwing it softly on the couch .

"i need you to hear me out , y/n i-"

"Why are u here" you say blankly . " i'm pretty sure i was clear that i was done with you"

his eyebrows twitch at your words , hurt and sadness very evident on his face . his shoulders relax and head tilts slightly .

"I told you it wasnt me . I meant it . I meant everything I said . everything i have done and said . I meant it ."

your eyes search for a lie in his eyes . you find none. What you do find is guilt .

"meant what chris ? what have I meant to you . a fuck buddy? a friend? a fan? please tell me because i dont fucking understand !" your voice which was once cautious and small slowly grows louder , stepping closer to him yelling . "please fucking tell me what it means . who the fuck am i to you !"

his face which was once soft and understanding turned and twisted into a gruesome one . His soft kind features turning sharp like his jawline , which flashes as he turns away from you .

The warm lighting in the room grows colder . The cold aching in your fingertips soothes the burning in your cheeks as you run your hands over your face in exhaustion . as your face is covered by your hands you miss as he swings his body towards you and steps just inches away from you . grabbing your face in his hands and forcing you to look up at him . your eyes scan his eyes franticly , looking between his unreadable one . it's there u see him soften and his eye twitch before taking a deep breath , anxiety poisons the air between you as he moves the hair from your face with his hands.

"look, y/n , you are what i want , i know that , i've always knew that .im just scared ."

it feels as if with just his words , he plunged his hand into your chest. through your cracked and broken rib cage , destroyed by months of deep breaths , your lungs abusing their cage. it was like he managed to find the exact places he broke just hours ago, and with a few words and found his way back home . all he had to do was throw a few words in your face and he stitched up the body of the girl he managed to destroy .

his hands trailed down your arms until they held your wrists . soft manacles seem to click around the space he holds.

"i want you chris , nobody else,, I want you to want me." you say looking him in his eyes , your voice soft and quiet

he trails one finger up your arm , looking at the goosebumps that trail his touch like a shadow until he rests his hand softly around the side of your neck . with this he puts a hand on the crook of your back and inches closer.

his wet hair drips on you forehead as he kisses you . his hands slowly moving up and down your body soothing your aches before they settle on your face , holding you as he deepens the intimacy . your hands ghost over his hands and rest on top of them .

calling him a parasite would be wrong, especially when the host welcomes the symbiosis .

_____________________

HEHEHEHHEHEEHE

i love angst sm bro

——————

tag list meow 🫖

@mangosrar @sturnphilia @lividnity @biimpanicking @bluesturniolo333 @jcwrites-blog @littlebookworm803

jus for funnnnnnn

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #milkietalks #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo edit #matt sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo toxic #chris sturniolo oneshot

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ambi-kiko · 6 months

Text

tma music tma music tma music

please reblog with your own! i need it (:

also im more than willing to elaborate on any of em, just ask! (i have much to yell about)

for bitchard, we have:

kiss me, son of god (they might be giants)

i'm gonna win (rob cantor)

blood & money (the orion experience, orion, linda XO)

ruler of everything (tally hall)

BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA (will wood)

community gardens (the scary jokes, louie zong)

the main character (will wood)

your body, my temple (will wood)

laplace's angel (hurt people? hurt people!) (will wood)

saint bernard (lincoln)

welcome to the internet (bo burnham)

all eyes on me (or3o)

my ordinary life (the living tombstone)

cabinet man (lemon demon)

peter x elias (for my frenchies out there <33)

marine marchande (les cowboys fringants)

ok dont judge me too much i had to have smth for them ((: plus its not that unrelated

next! martin

a better son/daughter (rilo kiley)

12 feet deep (the front bottoms)

things to do (alex g)

be nice to me (the front bottoms)

step on me (the cardigans)

heart for brains (roar)

mama (my chemical romance)

summer child (conan gray)

hello my old heart (the oh hellos)

i cant handle change (roar)

against the kitchen floor (will wood)

least favorite only child (leanna firestone)

sharpener (cavetown)

empty bed (cavetown)

life's a beach (bears in trees)

jmart ((:

no children (the mountain goats)

the moon will sing (the crane wives)

euthanasia (will wood)

as the world caves in (matt maltese)

the truth (the front bottoms)

balade à toronto (jean leloup)

doctor (jack stauber)

apocalypse (cigarettes after sex)

talk to you (ricky Montgomery)

cabo (ricky montgomery)

meteor shower (cavetown)

juliet (cavetown)

feel better (penelope scott)

would you be so kind (dodie)

two birds (regina spektor)

line without a hook (ricky Montgomery)

and jon, ofc <3 i rly dont have enough for him ):

body terror song (AJJ)

downhill (Lincoln)

montreal (penelope scott)

ramblings of a lunatic (bears in trees)

its called: freefall (rainbow kitten surprise)

chin music for the unsuspecting hero (foster the people)

love, me normally (will wood)

dinner is not over (jack stauber's micropop)

also melanie! dont have that many but she deserves the mention (:

saturn suv (fredo disco)

brave as a noun (AJJ)

tongues & teeth (the crane wives)

wreaking ball (mother mother)

we fell in love in october (girl in red)

and just random songs with tma vibes (other characters, ships, dread powers, etc)

underground (cody fry)

hand me my shovel, i'm going in! (will wood)

terry's taxidermy (teddy hyde)

cotard's solution (will wood and the tapeworms)

amnesia was her name (lemon demon)

memento mori: the most important thing in life is death (will wood)

skeleton appreciation day in vestal, n.y. (will wood)

icicles (the scary jokes)

puppet boy (devo)

oh ana (mother mother)

i dont smoke (mitski)

choke (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME)

thermodynamic lawyer esq, G.F.D (will wood and the tapeworms)

sorry haha i fell asleep (egg)

despair (leo)

stuff is way (they might be giants)

baby teeth (baby bugs)

king park (la dispute)

i/me/myself (will wood)

dr. sunshine is dead (will wood and the tapeworms)

amygdala's rag doll (ghost and pals)

little pistol (mother mother)

burning pile (mother mother)

this is home (cavetown)

body (mother mother)

turn the lights off (tally hall)

like real people do (hozier)

im going insane

#long post #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #magnuspod #jon sims #jmart #martin blackwood #martin kartin blackwood #jonmartin #jonny sims #melanie king #elias bouchard #lonely eyes

161 notes · View notes

targaryenluvs · 1 year

Text

daniel ricciardo x bellinghamsister!reader

(model/photographer sister)

summary: daniel accidentally announces his relationship to his fans.

meriaoperman SINCE WHEN WAS HOMEBOY DATING???

olenmcu thats what im saying!!!

mclarenbrazilfans her name is y/n bellingham you lot how dont you know her @y/nbellingham

y/nbellingham and i thought we weren't posting this 😭

danielricciardo i may or may not have accidentally posted this here rather then on my private 😁

y/nbellingham watch your back danny

y/nbellingham also ive got so many follow requests this is mad

angieksmith YOUR BRITISH

y/nbellingham you're* and no im def not

lewishamilton Lies.

y/nbellingham actual, no lie, im jude bellingham.

judebellingham sureee i believe you

y/nbellingham @judebellingham excuse me, i will unleash a kangaroo on you (thanks for the loaner dan)

jobebellingham leave my brother alone 😔

y/nbellingham OUR brother 🤨

jackgrealish hoping you're at the next game need someone to keep jude in check

judebellingham oi im always in check

y/nbellingham sureee i believe you

f1xfootball TWO WORLDS COLLIDE MY GOD

bellamani tbf half the world doesnt even know you exist girl 😭

y/nbellingham @bellamani people think im faking 🥴

y/nbellingham posted a story

y/nbellingham

liked by danielricciardo and 2,311,678 others

y/nbellingham dont know where you'll land when you fly ❤

@danielricciardo

view all 21,456 comments

bellahadid judes gonna hate these photos (you look super hot)

y/nbellingham i miss you babe come home 😘

gigihadid my sister in law i miss youuu

y/nbellingham i miss you more g!! give khaia kiss from her auntie ❤ @zayn you get a hug also tell mama malik i miss her i need some paneer tikka samosas sent my way 🤤

zayn mama and khai miss you more y/n/n, samosas coming your way!

liked by y/nbellingham

danielricciardo 🏃 you stay right there

y/nbellingham but the pizza ☹

danielricciardo forget the pizza you're here

judebellingham 😐

masonmount AHAH 🤣

judebellingham i swear to god mount-

judebellingham you were right bel, im going to be shipping you some sweaters y/n/n

y/nbellingham you leave me alone

judebellingham no

jobebellingham im telling mum

judebellingham NO DONT

jobebellingham Play nice Jude. Don't make me fly out to you.

judebellingham sorry mum

jobebellingham HAHAH IT WAS ME 😁

judebellingham wait till im home.

judebxo OI WHATCHU MEAN BY THAT 🧐📸

masonmount no fighting kids 👍

y/nbellingham says you.

masonmount WHAT DID I DO?

katiebishop omfg he called her 'bel' are they dating 😭 @footballgossip

judebellingham 😐

y/nbellingham 😐

bellahadid people can have nicknames for eachother and be friends without dating. please respect boundaries and not spread fake news/gossip about me and j.

thank you.

bellshadxd respectfully shut her up 😍 yes bella!!!

danielricciardo

liked by harrystyles and 5,613,902 others

danielricciardo but baby, you are the love of my life 💕

view all 121,349 comments

judebellingham Congratulations you two wishing the best ❤ (you better treat her right or the entire england team and i will be after you)

danielricciardo I'll treat her properly as I always have 😁

y/nbellingham I'll treat him right as well 😌

maxverstappen1 Good, otherwise you'd have the entire F1 grid after you 😉 All jokes aside you two are amazing together can't wait for the wedding!

y/nbellingham neither can i! thank you maximillian!

maxverstappen1 im going to kill you @charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc I DIDNT TELL HER SHE OVERHEARD ME CALLING YOU THAT!

y/nbellingham lies he told me willingly

mclaren You two troublemakers will do amazing together ❤

liked by danielricciardo

irenoperman you lot get out of here 🔪🔪

f1fan AHAH HE DIDNT EVEN REPLY 😂

trentarnold66 I'm expecting a big wedding here y/n/n.

y/nbellingham of course t, of course 😁

taa66 you wouldve looked better w him imo

y/nbellingham 😐

taa66 im just saying!!

trentarnold66 😐

danielricciardo 😐

bellahadid 😐

harrystyles Congratulations Danny! Can't wait to meet the Mrs!

y/nbellingham I LOVE YOU HAROLD ❤❤

harrystyles I love you too Y/n ❤

y/nbellingham HE REPLIED OMG OMG

hshq We'd love to send you merch!

y/nbellingham CHRIS OLSEN I KNOW ITS YOU (also i accept! my dms are open ❤)

zayn Nice to see you here H, Congrats lil sis, can't wait to meet you Dan.

liked by danielricciardo

harrystyles Nice to see you too Z, hoping to meet Khai in the future!

zayn Of course! Text me when you're in the area, much love, Z.

harrystyles Of course, looking forward to it ❤

harryflorals Y/n, Daniel, you've somehow managed to rekindle Zayn and Harry-

onedirection 📸👀

onedxo Y/N/N I LOVE YOU FOR THIS

zsquadupdates the world is healing!!

danielricciardo Thank you Zayn!

y/nbellingham IVE SINGLE-HANDEDLY REUNITED ZAYN AND HARRY MY LIFE IS COMPLETE SKDJOEJEJTBR 😭😭❤

danielricciardo singlehandely??

y/nbellingham yes, singlehandely. if you have a problem you're sleeping on the couch.

f1 Ice cold Y/n!

landonorris how's the breeze Danny?

danielricciardo hows the single life? need a hug there mate?

pierregasly OH SHIT-

#formula one x reader #formula one #daniel ricciardo x reader #f1 #daniel ricciardo recs #dr3 recs #dr3 #f1 instagram au #insta au

950 notes · View notes

mikka-minns · 6 months

Text

Snowblind x Mk1 intros

(this is only part one, there Will probably be another)

The names in the parenthesis() are what the characters are refered to as in the intros themselves

Kinda messy

Also, there are some Ships implied, so beware. This is all just crack and headcanons, nothing serius

(this has been on my drafts for a month, so sorry i havent posted earlier)

@dinainwater @laismoura-art

Sb!Kuai Liang vs Sb!Hanzo

Kuai: Just like the old times, eh?

Hanzo: only this time, you wont beat me

Hanzo: I hope i am worthy of this fight

Kuai: im still not used to these compliments

Kuai: i cannot understand how Someone can be so power-hungry

Hanzo: because you are the kindest of souls, Kuai Liang

Hanzo: You know, i actualy won our last fight

Kuai: no you didnt! I had you on chokehold with my legs-

Mk1!Bi han (sub zero) vs Sb!Kuai Liang (Kaui)

Sub zero: in your timeline, you are the lin kuei grandmaster?

Kuai: i was.

Sub zero: i can only hope my other self did better than i

Kuai: its not Just about our mistakes, but the ways we try and fix them

Sub zero: it is weird seeing my-

Kuai: younger brother be older than you? *chuckle* i understand

Sub zero: it is too late to make things right.

Kuai: only if you are truly heartless and i can see you arent

Kuai: even if they dont forgive you, you can all move forward

Sub zero: but is it together? Or did i doom our brotherhood?

Kuai: for the last time, Kenshi isnt a landowner!

Sub zero: all right! Cuz i am not paying double rent!

Sb!Kuai Liang (Kuai) vs mk1!Johnny Cage(Johnny)

Johnny: so who is this "Simone" chick Kenny keeps talking about?

Kuai: i dont think you understand. She is LITERALY a chicken

Johnny: so who is Kenny's other dad?

Kuai: i dont even know who is the first one?!

Johnny: alright, Rocky... or Batman?!

Kuai: You cant possibly make me choose!

Kuai: me? In a movie? You're as crazy as Johnny from my timeline

Johnny: If two of us cant convince you, then its you whose crazy

Johnny: dude, you are such a dil-

Kuai: do not finish that sentance, Johnathan

Johnny: holy shit, we are technicaly in-laws!

Kuai:*sigh* it could have been worse i guess

Johnny: never Thought a king of hell would be my sorta-father-in-law!

Mk1! Johnny Cage (Johnny) vs Sb!Hanzo

Hanzo: I just hope you're better than most of my in-laws

Johnny: so you and Kuai, huh?

Hanzo: what about us? We're on good terms

Hanzo: So you're the Johnny Cage Kuai told me about?

Johnny: first name basis? I think i see whats going on!

Kenshi: you seem like a good friend of my other self

Johnny: You are a king?! Awesome!

Hanzo: its not as fun as you may think.

Mk1!Johnny Cage(Johnny) vs Sb!Kenshi

Johnny: I dont know if you're old enough to know the truth

Johnny: so who is this "Simone"?

Kenshi: oooh! You gotta meet her, she's great!

Johnny: gee, Kenny, how come big Kano let you have two dads?

Kenshi: he... What?

Kenshi: how did you get ahold of Sento?

Johnny: it was easy. Keeping it was hard

Johnny: duuude, no way you never watched Rocky!

Kenshi: we dont have movies in the wastelands.

Mk1!Kenshi Kenshi vs Sb!Kenshi

Kenshi: You fight the black dragon on your own?

Sb!Kenshi: had Kuai not shown up, i wouldnt be here

Kenshi: your mentor sounds like a wise man

Sb!Kenshi : he threw a melon at me

Sb!Kenshi: You never chase chickens as training?

Kenshi: *chuckles* your mentor sounds like a fun guy

Sb!Kenshi: You dont know who Simone is?

Kenshi: i've never met anyone with that name in my life

Kenshi: hearing of the wastelands, i am gratefull for Liu Kang

Sb!Kenshi: realy? Well i think he could've done better

Scorpion: i can tell you and that scorpion arent brothers

Mk1!Kuai (scorpion) vs Sb!Kuai

Kuai: i think everyone can

Kuai: so in this timeline, you are scorpion?

Scorpion: i see even within my other selves i am different

Scorpion: what happend with your Bi han?

Kuai: retired. Kind of. He mostly just judges my tastes now

Scorpion: You area farmer? Just like Raiden!

Kuai: Raiden?

Kuai: You seem fond of your Raiden

Scorpion: he is a great ally and an even greater friend

Kenshi: Kuai still wont tell me what your promise was

Sb!Kenshi vs Sb!Hanzo

Hanzo: then i wont disrespect him by talking behind his back

Hanzo: I would never hurt Kuai Liang

Kenshi: i cant trust you on just your word

Kenshi: so what are you the king of?

Hanzo: hell, Neatherrealm, ga-

Kenshi: why does everyone think im Kuai's son?

Hanzo: You arent?!

Sb!Kenshi vs Sb!Kuai

Kenshi: i still havent thanked you for saving me

Kuai: there's nothing to thank me for

Kenshi: what is that promise about?

Kuai: nothing that concernes you, dont worry

Kuai: for the love of god, dont befriend anyone named Cage

Kenshi: why? He's such a cool guy!

Kuai: so, Johnny showed you some movies?

Kenshi: Yes aaand now i know where you got the ideas for our training

Kuai: you're lucky you cant see the terrible costumes in ninja mime

Kenshi: but it sounds so fun! What is mime?

Liu kang: im glad Hanzo and you are allies in your timeline

Kuai: You can call us cousins too, since you already started with that shit

Kuai: what the hell were you thinking?

Liu Kang: only of whats best for earthrealm

Shang: You aged so gracefully

MK1!Shang Tsung (Shang) vs Sb!Kuai

Kuai: say that again and you wont age at all

Shang: if that Hanzo ever brothers you, i can always help

Kuai: you are the only one bothering me. Back. Off!

Kuai: dont you dare come anywhere near Kenshi!

Shang: your mistrust wounds me, Kuai Liang

Kuai: If you dont shut up yourself, i'll make you!

Shang: coming from you, that doesnt sound bad at all

Smoke: what do you mean Hanzo isnt a kid?!

Mk1!Smoke and Sb!Kuai (these are some inside jokes i have with a couple of mutuals😉)

Kuai: have you never seen a child?!

Kuai: so do you only take old people as your students?

Smoke: HE TOLD ME HE WAS 15, OKAY?!

Smoke: How do we stop Bi han?

Kuai: my advice, pay his rent and spanish classes

Smoke: i bet i can guess your exact age!

Kuai: *sigh* of course you can

Smoke: ohhh, Who is Sareena? Your girlfriend?

Kuai: You trying to start a fight with both Bi hans?

Ashrah: You have no evil in your soul

Mk1!Ashrah and Sb!Kuai

Kuai: i am far from innocent

Ashrah: dont be so cruel on yourself

Ashrah: You are a great teacher

Kuai: i have a great student

(not himself as in other Kuai, but as himself himself)

Kuai: that is all i've ever known

Mk1!Shang tsung vs Sb!Hanzo

Hanzo: Im suprised Kuai hasnt broken all your bones

Shang: im suprised he didnt kill you already

#mortal kombat #Kenshi takahashi #kuai liang #sub zero #hanzo hasashi #scorpion #Mortal kombat snow blind #Im not tagging all the characters. im lazy #Mortal kombat 1 #Mortal kombat legends #Johnshi #Subscorp #Bireena #Crimson Shadow #Im tagging the Ships so you know if you want to read this or not

124 notes · View notes

t8oo · 14 days

Text

By all accounts the lupin fandom has always prided itself as a drama free ship war free open to polyamory and wildly different headcanons fandom. And I can name a few people that have worked hard to keep this place very friendly. And I really started in this fandom in a friendly place. I even managed to make friends that Liked Luzeni maybe even just as much as me. I was ecstasic. I really loved those people so much, I talked to them daily. Some of them I respected so much for their craft. Great.

Id always been upfront and very clear that they were befriending someone who was fucked in the head. And i dont mean seasonal depression type I mean Bipolar and Bpd and all the symptoms it entails. Im not even going to mention the upbringing and the life ive had. All of it was a complete and violently abusive catastrophy.

Last year I exhibited symptoms that were intense. TOXIC. It didnt mean that I was toxic to my friend, because I was rational enough to know about boundaries. I was at the end of my rope. For undisclosed reasons I had to be interned. Great. During the ultimate time that lead me to become crazy, not a single person i thought was my friend gave me a hand. I received a message from one friend while I was litteraly perched on the windowsill about to jump telling me about their life. Not asking abt me. I sent some Hey thats cool but im about to kill myself and they didnt reply. Days after I was interned they told me that my message triggered them so they had to have an emergency meeting with their psychiatrist. Cool. Nothing abt me still. Sorry ? Fallout 1

During yhat whole shitstorm and despite everything a friend became my like. favorite person in bpd terms. Just really fucking embarassing shit really. I tried to prevent it, i tried to pull out not to make it worse, which not only was making it worse but was making it toxic. I aparently blew out, which of course my memory conveniently forgot. I said something ahout their partner. They never explained what. Again, after internment I apologized. They told me they needed time. They bsolutely deserved it. I was probably horrible to warrant that reaction. I might even have been toxic. Again, I do not remember what I even said. Im not a demonic entity it couldnt have been like I desacrated them and insulted them beyond repair. Even in my anger I have always been limited. But all i can do is speculate. They never explained, just took my apology. And then They never came back. That friend I liked so much that despite everything I did to control myself became a person i liked beyond wat was normal. We have had so much fun. Not enough to mend bridges or explained anything. Fallout 2

During that blow out one friend meddled, asking that other friend for information ? I asked to pass along a message to friend B. which friend A refused. Like it was not their business, even tho they were clearly invested in the business enough to talk to both of us about it lol. No problem. 4 days ago thou i confronted a group of friends that were friends As friend, for kicking them out of an rp group for no reason, even bordering on racism. My friend feels hurt about that event, has always hinted at it. it even stopped them from rping, something they did for 12 years. They had no closure and so I tried to bring it to them. Asshole move or empathic ? Thinking back i may have been taking the situation personnaly because i was already on my way out menrally. I dont know. All i know is that four days later, after i talked for hours to that group and the reason why they treated my friend so poorly that they still had scars over it, i was experiencing a mental crisis and that friend refused a request. Great. Fallout 3

The last friend litteraly stood by and said nothing. Not before the fallout and not after. I dont even know'if that counts as a fallout. This girl was so cute, so fun, so talented, so FUNNY. And when it came to a heed she said nothing. No side taking. Neutrality. Okay

At this point I no longer had anyone to talk to I think. I was documenting my attempt and the horrible conditions of the psych ward on twitter for everyone of my "friends" to see. One i particularly loved so much because they genuinely were on the same level of insanity related to luzeni made a tweet about the late hystix, a person i did not know but a lot of the lupin fandom did. A beautiful soul that was always supportive and kind. Everyone was mourning her. It was truly heartbreaking. I hope she is in peace. Our attempts matched in timing, it was actually mindblowing. Mine just fucking failed because of nosy neighbors. I feel so close to her in spirit still. That we both struggled so much that we came to the conclusion that nothing could save us. She did not have the nosy neighbors. That friend mourned her publicly.. on twitter. Ok. Logical, its a depressing, horrible and sad situation all around. All we can do is mourn. Still, it was a friend I was genuinely close to. That never showed the empathy they did to me. Hey dude so im kind of facing the exact same issues but you never reached out ? While my torment was there and documented on twitter because again. I did not fucking know wat was going on. I was in a strict mental ward under a lot of dosage from nurses who refused to give me insulin even thou i was type 1. Friend said that they tweeted at me. No mention of the years and years of discussions we had on discord and me checking up on them everytime they pulled out for severe family matters and i was genuinely concerned. Nope they aparently tweeted something at me. Okay. Thank you for the concern. Your investment really shows. Fallout 4

after that I stopped friends all together. The fact that friends I was talking nigh on everyday to each revealed their lack of concern for me during an extreme mental health crisis was abyssmal to say the least.

Fallout 5 came with Sheen. I was managing a charity zine for Palestine, and the lack of investment from so many artists brought me to the edge. I took it out on Sheen in the softest way possible. I told them I was disapointed in their piece and that it looked low effory. Sheen, a person I had knwon for the entirety of my investment in the lupin fandom, decided that an offense was enough to block me and never speak again. Once again i was on the verge of yet another blow out. And it happened. Lol. Its just so funny in retrospect that everytime I start acting weird alluding to a breakdown people shun me out despite, you know. me being clear abt my medical record. I realized that I was rude to Sheen and it was uncalled for. Apologized publicly not in the attempt that Sheen sees it but just so that everyone knows that if they hear abt the story, at least they know its all been my fault. Online friendships are so cool because it just takes the block button to burn bridges without coming back. With no chance of mending or at least a genuine apology. so Fallout 5

Is there a reason that all of these issues happened within one fandom ? I do think so. Unless i am incredibly unlucky. Or an abusive piece of shit unbeknownst to me. I think that the lupin fandom is surface level niceties. If they dont like you you will know. It will be passive but you will be muted and eventually just ostracized. You will not be invited in fandom events, or group discussions. It did not help that my mental health was constantly deteriorating and I started developping a persecution complex, thinking that people were making secret discords where they were telling others to avoid me or something. Ive endured all of this for one thing. One Humiliating thing : i love luzeni. I love it so much I want a tatto of it. I love it so much that after years before sleep I pick a random fic and then imagine their discussions. I love their dynamic so much. I love their romance I love how fucking inhinged they are i love that they hurt and love each other the same, i love that they cant live without the other, that they genuinely complete each other in a really ugly but complete patchwork of mental illness and really elaborate kinks.

I gave up thou. Another depression, I blew out, attempted again with the window, got caught and sent to the hospital. It pulled me back from the fandom. I realized i was allocating so much of my thoughts to it and how I could be better perceived, how I could make friends again to talk about the fictional thing i loved the most in the world. And I realized that in giving up and keeping to myself, that I could be more stable. That the damage was done and I cant really enjoy this fandom anymore, but Im still attached to the hip to luzeni and so in the words of a really brilliant man... Nah... Ill do my own thing.

U might be wondering why the hell is this bitch airing their laundry publicly. Its therapeutic. You dont have to read or care. If those friends see it, and make a comment of their own about how the events did NOT happen like I told, I would love to hear how they perceived it. I do not give my friendship freely and easily and these people have done profound damage to my abilty to trust. And most of all, I never had any closure. I kept rethinking, blaming them, then myself, then miscommunication, then them and then myself again. To this day I dont know why all of this happend. Did I act like an unfathomable monster, or did my friend simply not give a shit enough to help me through this. I dont fucking know and I cant deny either options. Maybe I am talking through a completely selfish wrapped sens of perception that is not to be trusted. I wouldnt be surprised. I have a very hard time relying on my own brain lately. My health is deteriorating very fast, and shit is getting worse.

The second reason is that I am going to be interned for psychiatric issues for the next 3 months. For the first time in my life I think Ill finally get all the professional support i need, available and close. Im not going to be investing any time in the fandom, if simply talking to the psychiatrist abt this catastrophic strings of fallouts. I might be posting some luzenis, but frankly i doubt it. I only make fanart when I am happy, or sad enough but still capable. Im neither right now. You are not entitled to any of these informations, but I just wanted to write them out of my mind because I have a LOT of baggage to go on through and this is an extra bag I dont need so im throwing it out.

You cannot gauge an entire fandom from your perspective, the same way you cannot gauge an entire userbase. No, tiktokers are not the worst people in humanity. Neither are reddit users. Being on tumblr is cool, but it doesnt make u better than being on twitter. And so this is only my opinion of the lupin fandom. I met some amazing persons that i wish the best for, for ever and ever, but in all the niceties and welcoming you might see, I dont think that extends to a person with mental illnesses that are villified, or out of their control. I can fairly say that my experience was disapointing, and I dont intend to rekindle anything. Ill just be on the fringe maintaining the spirit of luzeni alive because fuck you monkey punch these are my characters now by law.

If you read until this bro get a life. Also im joking, youv given me more consideration than most people i met have. If your take after this is that I am deranged, then youv read right.

Thank you for reading. This blog has always been a pleasure to post on, even my most cringe and embarassing shippy stuff. Ive been met with nothint but support, and I truly enjoy being here because of you. I hope this isnt a 3+ month long goodbye. I hope I draw my lovers again. But I cant guarantee anything. I wish you all health most of all, and love and compassion.

#evacuating emotional baggage through a long rant that you dont have to read #this post is for me and me alone really. i feel better after writing it. thou rverything is still catastrophic #there will be grace

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