#i havent talked to any of my friends in so long...

[bloodystray]

.

#i havent talked to any of my friends in so long... #original friend group all kinda drifted away. the smaller more recent circle of friends i made i had to leave for my own sanity #havent talked to the girl i met before i moved in months. i remember telling her we'd stay in contact. i'm kind of a joke #rose... #i miss you too if you see this i'm sorry. it's just been impossible to do anything besides go to work #it just all feels so. overwhelming. the idea of messaging anyone even a little #ive barely even been talking to faenix #havent seen any of my irl friends in months #i dont even know if i want to.... i just want to curl up in bed and stop existing outside of my immediate responsibilities #it's easier to be a non-person. just ignore the outside world. all i really need is to work so i can survive #as long as i have games and i can order good food thats all i need i guess #its not as though ill ever feel comfortable in my own skin #or around people #i just need to rot

[puppyeared]

i like him

#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him #i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form #it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again #if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat #or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour #idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed #i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny #if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive #never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny #im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory #i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that #i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit #myart #my art #doodles #stardew valley #stardew #sdv #sdv harvey #kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat

[takaramagi]

this was the best scene thus far i am gonna go ahead and put that out there first

the way the entire world faded out around them to the point they didn't even notice the taxi pulled up until the driver had to say something

but also the way that jaewon seems so comfortable doing this type of thing where he fixes/helps jihyun pull his backpack up and PULLS (not lightly either) jihyun closer to him just to what??? stare into his eyes???

he seems somewhat comfortable initiating this but as soon as things get "too real" he seems to get overwhelmed. when jihyun was helping him draw and moved closer to jaewon he had to back away from the situation and make an excuse to get jihyun to go away for a second. this is one of the only times jihyun has initiated this type of contact himself also, other than maybe ep. 1 where he passes the lighter.

(which we saw how jaewon just stood there stunned for a while lmao) i think it's worth noting that maybe jaewon feels more in control even though it's kinda like he almost can't help himself but initiate this type of thing but also when jihyun kinda shows interest on his part jaewon is like hey woah woah woah..........like you can see the world fading away from him in his eyes when these moments happen or when he looks at jihyun.

it seems like jaewon has this own little world with jihyun like in this moment, he basically completely forgets the world is moving around them and other people exist. it's not like he's the character saying "oh but people will see us." he doesn't even seem to consider that really, because they're not even there? which goes back to how jaewon has these superficial relationships with people around him in his daily life.

then he gets snatched back, like it is a visible difference and moment when he gets pulled back into reality. and that is when he starts to pull himself back and kinda push jihyun away even. i would say most of jaewon's pressures seem internal because of all this, even though his "friends" definitely contribute to it. i don't think most of whatever is going on with him is about his friends or outsiders though because i don't think jaewon is even considering them at all? i don't mean in a selfish way. i talked about this briefly in the tags of the great post by this scholarly poster where jaewon always contradicts himself. because he is not being real with anyone including himself at the times we have seen him because that is his entire character and will be his character arc. pretty much everything i said in the tags was confirmed by these eps where he talks to the surf club president who seems to be his only friend he can be somewhat himself with and his therapist.

i mean that as frustrating as it is to watch jaewon's friends be shitty people......jaewon knows that too. but with jihyun we are seeing him put some type of effort into a relationship whereas the friendships he has... although it may be hard for him to be with jihyun because of whatever internal battles he has, it is probably harder for a character like jaewon to confront that everything else in his life is superficial and he's just been going along with it.

one, to confront that makes it real. if you just let it happen then it's whatever. but to tell someone to stop treating you badly even when you know they won't because the friendship isn't real, it's easier just to leave it as is. but also his character literally says it's his flaw, that he doesn't speak up or show his real self. but he also says that it is exhausting living like that so i suspect he's gonna blow up eventually. honestly when he confronted his friend in the bathroom i was like dang hope he bashes his head in the sink weak hero class style

jaewon even started his relationship with jihyun like this too. everything was oh i'm a senior that will be your friend, call me when you don't even have my number....he's stuck between this performance and persona he has vs real genuine interest in someone. when it gets in that grey area in between his persona (especially when he's around others) and how he really feels and what he really wants these contradictions occur. it's easier to play things off in jest too than admit something is real to you. he probably doesn't even know how to navigate that honestly, when he's been playing this part and just letting things happen to and around him. (he also says that the military was an escape for him since he didn't have to deal with all this). i wonder if his relationship with his ex was a performance as well. just to be "normal" amongst his friends and peers, but who knows.

i am willing to bet the closest we get to jaewon's "real" self is when he is with jihyun and even then it is only glimpses so far. that and when he is truly alone like we saw in the early eps but those moments are few and far between. i am glad he is in therapy lol because that seems like a lot for jihyun but also for jaewon too. i am also willing to bet that this will be a central conflict/plot point when jaewon stops performing and loses pretty much everything he has. and who stays will be who truly cares for him and confronting that is scary as hell. either that or something will happen with the friend or his ex where he will be forced to (probably his relationship with jihyun but at this point everything is fake around him except his relationship with the surf president, but even with her i don't know if he thinks he can be completely honest), and he's gonna react badly and i can't blame him

#the eighth sense #extremely long sorry i don't know why i typed all this so i put it under a read more #just me talking about jaewon #i can already see the pitchforks coming for his head when something happens and it hurts jihyun #i don't want to see jihyun get hurt either but jaewon is my friend and i am sticking beside him #this is less of an analysis and more of me just ranting and rambling so don't expect anything profound or unsaid before #i just like his character and this show and think it is interesting #i havent read this over because i am too lazy so it may not even make any sense sorry #five liveblogs

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

that soriku and the little mermaid gifset is killing me bc like

we have parallels between all the disney princess couples in the games and soriku???? i think??????? not just one but ALL?????????

like

snow white: probably weakest, but snow white ‘dead’ (asleep) and the prince saving her with love (ddd)

cinderella: also weaker but uhhhhh at the very least theres fairy godmother sending cinderella off to the ball to fufill her dream (MoM). and prince charming desperately looking for her is kinda?? soras journey in the first few games?????

sleeping beauty: ditto only true loves kiss breaking the spell (ddd) and also, aurora having a connection to prince phillip through her dreams (ddd/re:mind)

the little mermaid: ariel wants to leave the ocean and go explore another world. followed by eric looking for her, but shes been rEPLACED BY SOMEONE ELSE (VANESSA AKA NAMINE) WHOS USING SOMETHING OF HERS TO DISGUISE THEMSELF (ARIELS VOICE AKA THE METEOR SHOWER MEMORY) OH SHIT I JUST REALIZED THIS RIGHT AS IM TYPING THIS OUT WAIT WAIT HHOLD ON oOKAY okay im good im good now.  and then heres the gifset that started this all of course (kh2/re:coded)

beauty and the beast: right here babey! (kh1/kh2/ddd/com) + also this (chi)

aladdin: jasmine rebelling and sneaking out of the palace to go see the world. and this is from tvtropes but, ‘When Sora calls out for Riku after the second battle with the Parasite Cage, the staging of the scene is identical to when Aladdin called out for Jasmine after defeating Jafar in Agrabah: the Hero frantically calling out for their Love Interest as the room collapses around them while their allies drag them to safety.’ theres probably more with them but idk and its 4:30 am as i type this (kh1) ETA: aladdin and jasmine are directly compared to sora and riku in recom!

mulan: here + here >:^) (kh2 novel/ddd)

tangled: rapunzel wanting to leave her tower to see the world (kh3 novel) + this, after eugene is brought back to life with the power of true love (ddd)

and then frozen world doesnt even HAVE a couple BUT it does have anna and elsa! who are DIRECTLY compared to sora and riku!!! using the word love in english!!!! and the word used previously to describe rikus precious person in japanese (taisetsu)!!!!!!  here + here + multiple taisetsu links here

also uh???? anna frozen in ice??? sora frozen if you lose the yozora fight in re:mind???? hello???????????

ETA: okay wait there are some kristoff and anna parellels i forgot about/didnt think about IRT soriku LOL

(thank you @nobodyriku​)

literally the only disney princess couples (from the official disney princess lineup) that arent paralleled with soriku are pocahontas and (blech) john smith, and tiana and naveen. and thats bc those worlds arent in the games.

and HONORABLE MENTION goes to herc and megara. like even besides the taisetsu parallels, in the original movie theres herc diving into the river styx to save megaras soul. 

you know. like sora literally breaking time and space to save his friends, which starts with him following rikus light through the tunnel. where it kind of looks like hes swimming through water?????

and riku is the first one he finds

in. olympus.

like. do you see this. are we all seeing this. because holy moley, when you put it all together, its a lot

#kingdom hearts #soriku #kh meta #kh spoilers #kh3 spoilers #re:mind spoilers #melody of memory spoilers #disney #disney princess #like i said i wrote this at 4:30 am last night #and i dont rly feel like rewriting any of it #SO HERE IT IS #oh and uh i guess raya has a not lesbian couple #but i havent watched it yet lol #worst disney princess stan #i think there might be a best friend/rival turned evil thing tho???? #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk #long post #ali's kh meta #popular

[skunkes]

General oc talkkkk

I feel like i have to Do something with al once i take him off the shelf again (when my brain lets go of talon for another few months), ive been motivated to draw talon because he sits in my brain and i imagine interactions but it's much harder with al since al has been around for 10 years or more...and Al has like. Less conflict? In the sense of him just being a nice kind guy with regular human issues in a normal human world (or cow with regular individual issues in a normal furry world lol) ykwim?

Like. Talon is exaggerated he's a caricature of feelings to play with he's got lots of internal contradictions... and outside of that the whole Setting is easy to play with too, like, he's a vampire and those elements are more fun to think about and incorporate and build up in a way that requires a bit more brainpower of the fun variety (can make shit up) than Just a Regular Guy (has to be nore realistic, less fun to research), but less brainpower than, say, my abandoned Space Ocs where it was way harder for me to just make shit up, and way more to make shit up about (not as fun for me)

Idk! Its easy to imagine Talon in interactions, including ones with Al, or just self exploring dialogue....

Other than cute interactions between al and smunker its a lot harder to find stuff with him...he's a guy living in our regular world... his life has been fairly normal and he's good and nice. And i wouldnt change any of those things just to change em but there's less conflict other than the usual internal stuff all humans experience. I think if he wasnt my imaginary bf I would have shelved him more permanently like the oc group he came with...

There's something about how i very rarely make ocs, he's technically my oldest oc and talon is my newest oc, talon is what i Feel making ocs should feel like. And he's only over a year old. And he's still not even what I would call a well written character in any capacity. And yet i dont think i could very easily replicate this again ykwim. Im so bad at writing, and ..... creating....! Idk how people do any of it....i just wanna extend my ocs lives and my interest in them forever...

#talkys #long post #thinking also about how my friend said maybe id fare better if i didnt wait for my ocs to sort of fester in my brain to write them #bc thats how i do it...ive only been getting talon ideas because i talk to him all day in different scenarios i havent been able to exhaust #bc he's brand new #al's like. set in stone theres not much to draw because i just replay scenarios now. stagnated #i fear talon will get to a point like that too #like my brain will Fix Him and Therapize him and it wont be able to go back to the conflict he had Before that #so i wont play with him anymore...ykwim? #but i dont KNOW how to just make a character without having them show themself around in my brain #i barely even know how to make one in the way i do it now #bc i dont make ocs...bc i dont understand how to do Good Concept‚ Conflict‚ AND flesh em out #cause i got concepts for my space ocs. not complete ones but they have blurbs #ive never been able to get them to interact with me or each other in my brain though so idk anything about them #nor have i cared enough to draw them more #nor would i be able to think of scenarios #ykwim...? #its weird #ugh. maybe i am meant to just be a commission artist‚ im no good at any other niche #i got the worst Roll.... #wish i had a brain...okay well im going to sleep neow goodnite

[mikiruma]

#talking #polls #ok i lied im posting this. this is more important than sleep #anyway context for each one bc they all apply #1) my friend dallas :) we basically lived the exact same internet life and only met around high school. whack #2) self explanatory #3) roadhog just appeared out of thin air and isnt in a video game owned by a shitty company wdym #4) my parents asked me not to get diagnosed but i have official papers saying Autistic Tendencies+ #outside the diagnosis prompt so like. LOL idk why the phrasing is so hilarious. but yeah #5) my cool uncle was in multiple bands & i have a few shirts for them! still havent heard any of their music though #6) real and true. was hyped for rewritten so we could try again and then disney shit the bed #7) PEOPLE SAY I WAS WEIRD/GROSS FOR THIS BUT IT WAS SO GOOD???? COME ON #8) i joke about fictionkin amino a lot but that place was a god damn nightmare i cant believe how long i used that app

[silenthillbunni]

🖤👻🏰🩹

#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live #i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues #i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired #i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends #im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture #spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day #ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough #i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant #i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this #my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk #how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck #this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<

[starheirxero]

RDHRSFG

XERO, HELP- THE NEW LAES EPISODE HAS ME SO CONFLICTED-

ON ONE HAND IT'S LIKE- HELL YEAH, GEMINI IS HERE!! WE EVEN GET LUMINI MOMENTS-

ON THE OTHER HAND- THEY WERE SO HARSH???

Don't get me wrong, I understand they're angry, they have every right to be! Lunar caused them a lot of stress, and quite a few problems!

BUT LIKE- THEY WENT SO OUT OF LINE!! This wasn't just blunt, this was downright mean, and rather cruel as well!

In their eyes, Lunar isn't trying hard enough, and yet they've been watching.

Lunar lost someone they loved, and still kept it together.

They talked to the cause of it, and didn't lash out.

Hell, they talked to Eclipse of all people, trying to make amence, and came out of that positively!

They've been trying so hard!

Now, I agree, that there needs to be more progress. But they just started, and are honestly handling it very well, and very fast!

Yes, people need to be more blunt with Lunar, and yes, no one was before. But as Lunar said, there's a line between being blunt, and being rude! This was just rude, and a lot of it felt…unnecessary, almost? I don't know, I'm conflicted-

Now, on the other hand…BY GOD, THE ENDING-

It was so sweet?? I still don't agree with what they did, but after letting out frustration, it seems all that's left is worry!

The entire ending section had me running up my walls!!! It was so tender, it was so soft!

The way they tried to make Lunar understand, they do things out of worry…and in a way, they want Lunar to get to know them better, see the real, true them!

The way Lunar asked, if they were okay with being so close, only to get a soft agreement as answer- AH, I CAN'T- Also, Lunar implying Gemini is in their dreams a lot👀

That all being said, I really don't like this whole "no powers" rule. With the Creator being after them, this might have consequences later on…

-Stardust

I KNOWWWW RIGHTTTT?????

LIKE. I can never tell if it's just a me thing or not but like u said Gemini just had NO MERCY FER A MINUTE THERE. Like, Lunar said so too, that there's a threshold for bluntness that crosses over into just Being Mean but then they were both like "but that line hasn't been crossed yet" LIKE. I FEEL LIKE IT WAS BUT IDK. idk!!!

like on one hand yea sometimes a wake-up call like that is needed. but also DAMN??? Handshaking u on feeling so conflicted abt it all bc MAN HFJDHCJK

AND THE ENDING..... HONESTLY THE ENDING WAS SUCH A RELIEF TO ME AHAJANA LIKE. It was just insanely reassuring to me to see that Gemini does still care, the fondness they had for Lunar before hasn't rotted away, it's just quiet right now because of the whole [vague hand motions] everything.

AND AOAUAGHH YEA LUNAR CHECKING THEIR BOUNDARIES AND THEM SAYING IT WAS OKAY MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL AHJSBSJD like [roommates vine voice] oh my god they're sitting close to each other....

BUT THE NO POWERS RULE,,, YEA. I had a similar thought that this is going to backfire on them horribly in some way. Like, it'll either be "Lunar has to use their powers and pisses off the astrals" or "Lunar doesn't use their powers when they should have and gets kidnapped or hurt by the creator/some other danger." Both options only lead to more trouble and its just so aoauaghghh

#asks #anon #stardust anon #yk. after this episode i think i'm actually starting to get one of my friend's astral body thoughts more #bc theyve talked abt gemini basically having no idea how to identify or express their own emotions #bc... iirc its just not something the astral council rlly needed to do. or maybe even discouraged #smth along those lines and so when they feel all these messy emotions in regard to lunar #they just bottle it up to such an extent they're basically Phsyically ill #but i guess in canon. its more like that bottle just sort of explodes. yk? #they have no other opportunity to vent bc theyre busy making sure lunar doesnt Die #so when they're face-to-face with them. they just kinda explode bc they havent had the chance to any other time #or... or something GDJABDJD #idk i dont fully remember their rambles so i might be botching this. shrug HDJSHDJ #lunar and earth show #the lunar and earth show #tlaes #laes gemini #laes lunar #laes spoilers #tlaes spoilers #long post

[gifti3]

one of my friends posted a shirtless pic of laois in the chat yesterday so last night i started reading dungeon meshi its not too long and i actually got through a whole volume already :0

and im enjoying it so far, i really REALLY like the cooking in it i didnt know it was gonna be that detail with the food aspect haha like the meals they come up with is enough to keep me reading tbh

#thats not the only reason i started reading of course lol #but it kinda triggered a whole discussion and my friends were praising it a lot and sending pics of the characters #so yea #i havent read any mangas in long time #i havent really watched any anime in a long while either #so its kinda nice dipping my toes back into this medium #i wasnt really expecting to get into dungeon meshi #like i saw ppl talking about it but i wasnt really that curious #but here i am now ig #im glad its around 100 chapters #its something i can actually finish #im so bad with anything that goes on too long #i always get distracted by something else or just forget about it

[scattered-winter]

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago #and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember) #and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him #do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao #and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that #everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it. #and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life #and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years. #sigh. anyway. #im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet #and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3 #just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too????? #we're all grieving. i aint special. #i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl #thats what it looks like we're doing tonight #im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out #and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant. #not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been . #a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone. #sigh. im tired i need to go to bed #winter speaks #personal

[undefeatablesin]

OH! If you want can you tell us about your arcane hunter??? (I love arcane builds)

Ask Sin Stuff ✨️

Omg thank you for indulging me I would indeed love to talk about my arcane hunter actually 💅 I guess I'll start with the actual gameplay side of it because they were a total accident to be completely fair; at the beginning, I'd wanted to main the Blades of Mercy and focus on Skill, but found that a bit unfulfilling to play so I switched gears mid-run to invest mostly in Arcane instead with some Strength and Skill still thrown in for good measure. Rather unexpectedly for me who knows very little about builds and the like, they became an absolute powerhouse of a hunter and incredibly fun to run because of it 😂

Currently they main the Holy Moonlight Sword (with the BoM still equipped as their secondary since those have some Arc scaling anyway). They don't often need to use their Blunderbuss that much since HMS just destroys everything that breathes in its transformed state, but they have it anyway for parrying's sake! Their most often used Arcane tools are the Tiny Tonitrus, Augur of Ebrietas and A Call Beyond. As you can probably tell, we are most enthusiastic about the Tiny Tonitrus and its ability to just one shot annoying kin enemies from a distance 😂 Please enjoy some not so HQ images of my little menace ✨️How they got so bloody I dont remember, just that it felt metal af to walk around like that against the snowy white scenery of Cainhurst tbqh.

As for this hunter as a character, I kind of didn't have one in mind at first! This profile started as just a catalyst for a new playstyle initially. However, that has definitely since changed. They're still a relatively new and unpolished addition to my roster since the majority of my creative time is devoted to Ruza My Beloved, but I am pursuing an interesting??? Set of concepts for this hunter too lmao. This is probably not news to anyone who has been in the fandom longer than me, but I read recently about the blue eyed scourge beasts from UCW and was enlightened to the fact those were actually "ascendant" scourge beasts with kin-like qualities, such as being weak only to thrust damage; most likely created from members of the Choir who were steeped in the Arcane and rich with Insight by time the scourge got to them, hence they basically became a different strain of scourge beast. I also spied a reddit thread that proposed the idea of the abhorrent beast/suspicious beggar being able to freely control his transformations into his beastly self and that what primarily made this character unique was his complete acceptance of said self. A sort of Beastly Embrace, you might say? 🤭

So tl;dr, I am workshopping this character rn as an Arcane Beast hunter who can freely control their beast self and for that beast self to be modelled after the blue eyed kin-like scourge beasts. Perhaps a renegade member of the choir who turned against their faction? I haven't fully decided yet, but we will see 😤✨️ Oh, and their name (for rn anyway) is Aloysha.

#sinbox #(sorry i talk so much i have so many thoughts ANYWAY LOL THANK U BUDDY!!!!!!!!!) #(am i fully aware i am being self indulgent with this concept bc i am a weak ass for werewolves? yes ✨️) #(ill probably change their hair to black tho. to MATCH. the woofer.) #(take all this with a grain of salt tho bc i am indecisive af LOL) #(i did toy with the idea of them being a merc from outside of yharnam who was sent there to do someones dirty work and got dream'd) #(not 100% sure which option ill stick with yet!!!!) #(yes they are friends with ruza. they annoyingly demand scourge beast belly rubs) #(idk if they will ever appear on tumblr in any meaningful capacity MAYBE THO 😂) #(cant believe my court jester ass didnt even notice that bit about the werewolves tho smh. so much goes over my head....) #(i havent been here long im still catching up 😂 SO MANY INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS TO READ ABOUT!!!) #(i shall have to impart my own one day too....) #(the cosmic irony of me taking aloysha to farm chunks off the other blue eyed scourge beasts tho) #(aloysha vc: lol. lmao. pmsl even.)

[girlwithfish]

5am instagram stalking ppl i used to go to hs with. its crazy bc some people are still friends with other ppl from our hs. i guess crazy to me bc i dont talk to anyone at all from either hs i went to nor anyone from the same school district i was in from 4 grade-8grade. i hvent mantained friendships or anything w anyone from any place ive lived. thinking its me. . ...

#the realjty is i was just really shy when i was a kid. the ppl i went to school w from ages 9-14 i didnt really have lasting friendships #i follow like 3-4 ppl from that time in school on Instagram but thats it rly. ive never kept a friendship #then fhe school i went to for under 2 yrs in hs I follow several ppl from cuz i guess i was somehow a little more social where i followed #some classmates on instagram but yeah no contacg w anyone and yeah. i really doubf anyone from either of those schools remembers me #i just wasnt rly close w anyone ever to remain in contact w. and i didnt reallly make friends at the hs i graduated from #and i follow a couple ppl from my last hs but thats it i havent talked to anyone from any of those times in my life again rly #Which is crazy like #I guess ive always just been standoffish. never unfriendly to ppl but i never really connected w anyone #beyond school and stuff. nd i doutb anyone remembers me anyway. i really was a nobody in hs without even my own circle of friends #crazy how rhat wrks out nd not thay i have many relationships atall rn besides family and my s/o but like its crazy cuz #sometimes my bf when were in his hometown will run into someone he wnt to school w cuz he stayed in the same school district #k-12 nd theyll recognize him and talk to him and its ctazy cuz ive movd twice so i just never stsyed in a place where that would happen. #i like dont know anyone from my high school here in nc nd have never seen anyone barely #LOL #sometimes i wonder what itd be like if i had stayed in ohio and gone to hs with all the ppl i had known a bit for all of middle school #Cuz i just really do not know anyone maybe my life seems a little lonely bc of that. idk.. #its hard when a lot of ppls friendships r built on the fact that theyve known each otber for a long time or since x grade and are childhood #friends or something

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

#i havent talked to any of my friends since the beginning of the year and dont think i will be #i much rather be Alone than being in there chats #i really don't think ill be talking to them anymore and its not even a reasoning behind it... #sleep seems to be my best friend now #honestly im such a mess #im turning 28 and still have nothing #so much more of me wants to just give it up #i barely can hold a job let alone energy to do anything #the best thing im good at is staying up all night listening to bleach ost or one piece ost or sad classical music #i have longed for a reason #a reason to keep going #to keep a hope #i remember when i told my family i don't bring anything to the family gathering i can never afford any gifts #and even though no one tells me anything about it i always feel bad for accepting there gifts to me #i remember one of them saying jose you do bring something your presences is enough for us #you may not know it but everyone waits to see you and you're like the life of the family gatherings #you make us all laugh and just bring a joyful presence... #that was the first time anyone ever told me that i brought joy to them just for being there #this was just last Christmas #and i still don't know how to feel of us #im thankful but sadden at the fact i can't find joy in being so lonely #craving for a connection and attachment to something real #im just grasping at straws trying to gather myself up #it all feels useless i feel way to old to have nothing to my name #them my mom and grandma treat me like ima drunk when i barely even drink....like if ima drunk then wtf is my dad #he always came home with a beer in his hand and drank some more once he got home #not one day in my life have i seen him without 4 or 5 beers ina day and yet ima drunk for getting a lil tipsy one time #and got a lil upset when my brother in law got into my person space knowing we dont get along at all #but im the bad guy and not the one who approached me with hostility ??? ill never understand them #i domt even know anything about my parents and sad thing is they dont know anything about me

[astrxealis]

40 mil is the highest points i've had for gw ever tbh so i am proud of myself so far <3 also !! almost rank 175 >;D

anyways hi just small update/rambles uhm. i've been more productive w school but also school ew !!! and 6.3 is so fucking soon holy shit i am not ready at all & i hope this week i can finally start omori and/or p4g <33

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #still obsessed w p5. ALSO mcr music is so slay AND uh yeah that's mostly it. rlly obsessed w buncha kinds of rock music rn #i looooove rock <3 rock and orchestra are my favorite genres (i'm kinda into all kinds of music tho fr!) hehe <33 #i love my fire team now tbh. like. nemone & athena together is perfect imo and i'm glad i realized that a long time ago already #but woa me w having both michael and percival is absolutely amazing hehe #arghhhhhhh ... i wna play nier vv badly but i need to wait for lune yeah ? but anyways in reincarnation i have all the automata characters #which i'm vv glad about >;)) 9s refused to come home months ago but now he has and heheheheh i love him #tbh it's so hard to manage my time now bcs on saturdays i'm busy and then sundays should be my rest but we often go out as rest ?? #and i like it but also my gaming time and writing time and whatever time is lowkey a big Rest In Peace <//3 #I LOV MY FRIENDS but i haven't properly talked to. quite literally ANYONE for a bit now i'm so sorry #unless they approach me first somewhere that isnt social media of any sort or i've seen them irl bcs of school or yk my family or class #ive fixed my sched quite a lot but also there's still a lot to improve !! by the end of january i hope that i'm happy w my sched then <3 #okay small update OVER !! today was a pretty good day so far tbh uh. like bad shit happened but strangely i'm all okay !! <33 #like uhh ive been a bit more active in class and actually reciting more! i am usually vv shy and only just comment my answers if ever #BUT YEAH !!! and there was smth that was supposed to happen and my class forgot so i reminded them. and we're like 30 in class #okay rambles OVER !! im anxious still to open my notifs sorry i cant explain why bcs idk how but yeah. uh. if you want to contact me #for anything IDK HOW YOU SHOULD TBH. SORRY. but yeah !!! probably ask for my sideblog for mutuals ?? #but tbh i havent checked that in a bit too and just ramble sometimes. SORRY......

[tortademaracuya]

I wish I could get any joy from drawing again soon

#i should be putting together a demo reel #o anotandome en otra carrera #or idk. drawing silly stuff at least? #but i cant bring myself to do anything #its like whats the point? #its driving me a little insane. wish i could just be good enough already or concentrate for more than 5 seconds #feeling like im looking for pity just for working on any wip or showing them #haunted.txt #drawing while talking to people used to help sometimes but #1) i have no way rn of making my microphone work #2) artists friends are either busy or havent been in contact in a long time #3) asking non artist friends feels like im forcing them to keep me company or smth #i may work on some stop motion project soon with a friend so hopefully that makes me stop feeling like shit? #i could also work on the Babooshka storyboard/animatic too...if i didnt get cringe just by thinking about how others may see it