#i just wanna not feel like this anymore

[semiotomatics]

kinda over this whole "making it by the skin of my teeth" thing

#i was trying so hard to feel better today #but once again the universe said “not if i can help it” #i just wanna not feel like this anymore #please please whoever is out there just let me rest #just let things be okay for ONCE #oh well #sorry to be a downer on april fools lol

[watermelonsenpai]

Let's see how many anxiety and sleep meds I can take before I black out because I can't deal with being conscious anymore. Everything is fake and nothing is real, the rules are fake, they're made up and they don't matter.

#already took enough that i feel buzzed like i drank #i just wanna not feel like this anymore #i would take any drug that was offered to me right now #might hit up the giant homeless group at the park and ask if anyone wants to fight me #would love to get punched in the face so i can feel anything else #would also love to beat the shit out of someone to feel my fists make contacts with a body #is cool tho nothing to worry about #just gonna be joining that homeless group tomorrow if we can't pay $3000 lmao #i love being alive in this fake world with fake money and fake lines and people that hate other people for just living their life and being #a certain color or having pigments on their skin that make them look different and oh man gotta kill about it #gotta kill em. they look different? kill em #it's the only rational and smart thing to do obviously #you know #it's cool #being alive is cool #it's not fucking pointless it's not like I'm living the exact reason why i hate this fucking world #I'm a product of my environment #and this environment has filled me with so much rage and hatred and violent thoughts and wanting to hurt things #it's cool though #no biggie gang gang bitch #🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙 #watermelon-sempai #personalmelon

[hypotheticallyhaunted]

.

.

I saw some old pictures of me laughing and being happy

I burst into tears

They dragged across my cheeks

Not unlike Im dragging through life

That girl, she seemed carefree

Hard to believe it was me

Maybe it were some good days

Days that held hope

Days that were out of reach of this emptiness

Or maybe those were days I found enough to fill it

It's hard it's hard it's hard

Why is it so hard

Been a while since I felt like this

Usually I come back

Why do I come back

Trying to stay is hard too

Trying to stay away is hard too

It's hard it's hard it's hard

Why is it so hard

To function, to live, to survive, to breathe

To be, to not to be, both of Hamlet's choices seem equally hard

Existing is a burden, not existing is a chore that I don't have the energy to perform

Can someone do that for me

Like that one story I read long ago

About a contract and a promise

A relief and a scream

It's hard it's hard it's so motherfucking hard

#im tired #let me be #i just wanna let it all out #i just wanna not feel like this anymore

[stil-lindigo]

the machine.

a comic about being a 'creator' online.

creative notes:

#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful #just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022 #which was a rough year personally and creatively #and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore #and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way #its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art #and like thats all you are to people #theres nothing human to you #it can be a bit of a pit #and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling #this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art #going outside for dinner #maybe walking around #its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily #youre a human being #not a mindless content creation machine #and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work #good luck to all of you #and thank you for reading #comic art #its 10pm #stillindigo art

[999999999inadream]

toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections

#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it #deltarune #kris dreemurr #maybe im looking too much into things but... #it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters #like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies” #the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster #i shit you not #like they called pranking... masc?? huh #can girls and others not get their silly on anymore?? #also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised #like napstablook monster kid #god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner #but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me #i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then #they must be a guy to be relevant or smth #and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking) #ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus #it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why #i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot #i might come back to this who knows #wow ok rant over #for now

[kroosluvr]

Life's beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts.

#hey ruanmei gang its me again. Ya boy #i love. LOVE. overgrown nature themes and seeing her lab with all t he fucking glass TUBES and PLANTS and everything so neat and tidy i #just wanna see it all UNRAVEL bro i want it FUCKED UP #i think abt ruan mei abandoning her creations the things she raised bc they dont serve a purpose for her anymore but the plants keep reachi #g for the sunlight right. so full of life regardless of if they feel or think or speak. just like ruan mei huh. #im running out of space ill talk another time #ruan mei #honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanart #cele draws

[somewhereincairparavel]

a little thought to ruin your day: After Piper broke up with Jason, he had to deal with his heartache all by himself, isolated in a mortal boarding school with nobody to comfort him. No family. No friends.

#I hope your day is ruined #bc mine is #This man gives me a heartache it's not even funny anymore. Like it's just one after the other for him tumbling down. #I can imagine Jason looking out the windowsill all sad :( omgg #He loved piper so much :( #He basically died for her even after they became exes #I just wanna wrap him in a fluffy blanket #It's kinda hard for me to not resent Piper for this sorry. #I mean #I'm glad she didnt cheat on him or smth and just broke up w him to not play w his feelings #But yeah. Still pretty upset. They'd been dating for a year at that point. So Jason must've had it pretty bad. #pjo #jason grace #pjo hoo #pjo fandom #percy jackson #pjo series #pjo hoo toa #pjo toa #toa #piper mclean #hazel levesque #leo valdez #annabeth chase #frank zhang

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

#hi all. lucy here #i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to #like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno #i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally #like the funnier i was the worse i was doing #ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability #i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like #oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it #but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore #i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself #this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained

[larabar]

colored an old sketch 🎉

alts under read more

#more like 'colored an old sketch months ago then finally posted it' but yknow #original context was soccer but i kinda like this pose #gotta find a coloring style for digital i can not just line and color/cel shade i wanna do more #sth #doodles #sonic the hedgehog #cw eyestrain #cw bright colors #cmyk. idk i wanna be safe #fun fact the text in the second one is from a random sonic shirt i cant find anymore #was originally gonna post as a coloring page. still can if people want to color #agh not feeling my best. save me sonic the hedgehog

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #cw blood #something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones #IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE #ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE.... #THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU #do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule. #LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE #DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared #i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail #but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!! #i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time #i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS #soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz #i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss #have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES #I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn #annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE. #hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.

[lavenoon]

reblog art, goddamnit

#post let luce #i know people make posts like this all the time #but I am so fucking tired #I post art for engagement. for interaction. #so many of those reblogs are tagless too #what do i make art for? #to throw it out to a silent audience? to get a clap and then work on the next performance? #this is not ragging on people who reblog. especially not those reblogging with tags #yall are the reason i *do* still post #but i honestly just wanna know what people think. i wish to hear their thoughts. the less people reblog the less people see #and the less people have the spoons to actually talk to me about my art #not doing so well rn so it just hits harder #and more and more tempted to just. not post on tumblr anymore #when i post stuff on discord it feels much more interactive #despite the audience being so much more limited #feeling bad about my art and posting on here isnt helping

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

#im still So Inconsistent when scribbling him #he never comes out the same way twice #but then again. do any of us? #anyway i think the Misfortune of the past week finally killed my brain #its a tiny smoking poppy seed resting in the middle of my skull floor #too much all at once. cant art anymore #i keep pulling out my tablet and setting up to draw #and then i stare at the screen feeling mild to intense discomfort #i try to scribble. it comes out Horrible. #i put my tablet away and go stand in the middle of the kitchen #i come back to scroll on tumblr #i feel Despair. rinse and repeat #scribble salad #is it distressing? yes! one more to add to the ever-growing pile! #i need to start pre-packing for my inevitable move #sigh... dont wanna go.... #but its not like i have a choice! i quite literally have a single option which is to say! no option at all! #apparently if im in a constant state of severe stress for long enough my creativity completely breaks. shattered right down the middle #too exhausted. the Despair is too strong #and once again i am accidentally venting on a scribble post! sorry! please ignore this im just Saying Shit

[transformers-bold-bright-brisk]

Hot Shot doodles✨

#sphny arts (𖦹w𖦹)•*°⊹ #hot shot #tf fan continuity #transformers bold bright brisk #transformers #maccadam #maccadams #rescue bots academy au #rescue bots academy #I might’ve spruced up his humanformer design just a teensy bit #I like having their optic colors in their holoforms cause I dunno I think it would be fun #OH ALSO I kinda wanna give Cybertronians pupils while having the humans have the dot eyes #well not technically dot eyes they just won’t have pupils #I know I know you guys loved the purple hotshot but I toned it down a bit cause purple didn’t feel right anymore #HES STILL PURPLE #just a darker shade

[cerise-on-top]

Hello love! Hope you are well!

So I’ve had this cute idea for a while with AleRudy poly! Where Alejandro and their s/o spoil Rudy for a day, like make him dinner,, whatever you think lolz and then end it by both Ale and s/o spooning him?? I think it would be adorable!!

Hey there! I don't think I made this as fluffy as I could have, and for that I am truly sorry! But I tried!

Spoiling Rodolfo

I feel like he’d be surprised at first. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t doubt the love you and Alejandro have for him one bit, but he never would have thought you’d go out of your way to spoil him this much. First you bring him breakfast in bed, essentially waking him with a kiss to each side. It was all there, French toast, eggs, orange juice. He didn’t have to lift a finger. Naturally, as he got out of bed, he’d try to make it up to you by cleaning up after himself, only for you and Alejandro to stop him from doing so, forcing him back onto the bed once again. Rodolfo would grow suspicious. Did he miss an important date? Did the both of you miss an important date? It wasn’t like it was his birthday either, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember something that you did where you had to make it up to him either. For the time being, he’d simply accept his fate. Eventually, he would get up to check up on you. And then there was the barrage of gifts. They were lovely, naturally, but what did he do to deserve them? Again, he would grow even more suspicious. From the beautiful flowers to the small stickers you stuck on him, he wouldn’t know what to do. However, he wouldn’t say something immediately. Maybe he can think of why you’re being especially nice to him himself. Were you about to get into a lot of trouble? Were you just trying to get on his good side?

Of course, Alejandro made the suggestion of going out together, spending the time outside to do whatever it is he wanted. And then came the idea of having a picnic, since it was nice and warm outside. As you went to pay for all the items, with Rodolfo already taking out his wallet, you almost tackled him to get him to put it away. Alejandro paid, even though he shouldn’t have. You were three people, and with the amount of snacks you bought it didn’t come cheap either. From a massage to a heartfelt poem from you, it all started to seem like a little too much. Again, Rodolfo doesn’t doubt the love you feel for him, but it seems a bit off. However, you wouldn’t give him a satisfying answer either when asked about it. Were you going to break up with him after all this time? Making your last day together as beautiful as possible so he had something to cry over? He hoped not, but it didn’t seem impossible with how nice you were being towards him. A kiss to the cheek, you even gave him a plushie of a small cat, claiming its silliness reminded you of him. Why on Earth would you do all of this? Why go to these lengths?

Even around dinnertime, when you wouldn’t let him help out, he almost felt a bit sad. Sure, it was nice to not have to lift a single finger for a day, but why? He loved helping out, you both knew that. He was very much an active man at home, doing what he could to keep everything clean and in order. He didn’t mind cooking for you either, pouring his heart and soul into every meal for you. Rodolfo adored doing something for you, so he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of it all. The meal was delicious, but he felt almost sad as he was unable to help you out at least even a little bit. You watched his favorite movie with him, you took pictures of him with his silly cat plushie, hell, you would have likely spoon fed him as well on that day. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. What have the both of you been up to? He would ask you again regarding it all when you were spooning him, trapping him on either side. It would take the most embarrassing nicknames that you only use on him to calm his nerves. Something along the lines of “Hush, Rudy-Poody, can’t we show our love and appreciation for you for once? You always make us feel good, so it was time to return the favor.” and “Mi esposo, you need to have more trust in us. Sometimes we just wanna see you smile as well. Cheer up, we just wanted to spoil just once in this life.”

He’d sort of cringe at the nickname you gave him, but it was the reassurance he needed since you only ever used it when you were being especially sappy. You didn’t get in trouble again, you were simply a bunch of lovesick fools. He’d give you a kiss on the nose and a smile. However, he would also try to turn around as Alejandro was spooning him, only for the colonel to not budge in the slightest, saying that Rodolfo shouldn’t be tossing and turning like this. No kissy for Alejandro it seemed. Rodolfo was this close to just wrestling him down for that kissy. Although he can’t really get used to the feeling of being spoiled, he will accept it for just that day. He will pay the both of you back in his style, though. You will also be spoiled. He couldn’t wait to team up with one of you to spoil the third one. All three of you will have had a day like this at some point.

#cod #cod x reader #alerudy #alerudy x reader #alejandro vargas #alejandro vargas x reader #rodolfo parra #rodolfo parra x reader #Y'all have no idea just how tired I am I had a long day today but I had some time to write for the first time in like a week #don't worry I didn't forget about the fluff alphabet requests but I don't have a lot of time to write anymore #I still have to study for my driver's license so I'm left with barely any time at all for myself #sorry if this has mistakes again I am super tired today but I wanted to write something again #I will be working on a few letters for the alphabet for Nikolai today so I should be able to post it within the next few days #I have the test again this Friday and I am so worried about not passing again. but I will be trying my best again as well #I wanna take a nap so bad but there's like a million things I should be doing right now and I have no time for any of them #so yeah it'll be a while before I'm properly back with writing. sorry about that but I can't help it life is hard #work and being in a new environment isn't helping either. I will be back in my regular environment next month but I still wanna go back #again sorry this isn't too fluffy but I really didn't feel the fluff at all tonight. I tried

[storytellering]

The real mastermind (redraw)

#dmc #devil may cry #vergil #arkham #dmc3 #devil may cry 3 #arkham dmc #my art #hey look at that I did another redraw #the tasks are many but ive reached saturation my dudes if i dont do more personal art ill shrivel up #anyway it was just bothering me that the concept of that old art was still something I wanna put out into the world #but the art was so old I didnt feel like showing to anyone anymore #so here #updated version #i like arkham being a creep #i think he should be creepy towards vergil more

[bassiter2]

once and for all i wanna actually get some data on this to see if my observations are accurate or biased

there's only 10 options allowed so if you feel like the options didn't give enough nuance, please feel free to elaborate in the tags.

#trans men #trans mlm #hate that i basically have to add that last button if i don't wanna skew the results #bc it wastes a valuable space #ideally i'd have like 20 options #anyway i just really wanna know how common it even still is to pack anymore #i'm the second to last option btw lol #it feels lonely here but i guess idk if i actually should feel lonely