#i know she drowns me at the end

[little-crow-heart]

07. most trusted companion

game: Bioshock Infinite

#gametober #drawtober #art challenge #inktober #art #video games #bioshock #bioshock infinite #elizabeth comstock #look #i know she drowns me at the end #but she is also the best sidekick i've met #brings me money and medicine #doesn't die #what more do u want

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one. #one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie! #there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal. #and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!' #I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out. #I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!! #or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head? #This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch. #No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings. #bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!! #and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck. #Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he? #was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board. #Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself?? #'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person?? #Are you just living in some other reality??? #callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

[rosicheeks]

Honeybee: Name something positive you have done for yourself or someone else in the last two weeks.

I’ve been really trying to focus on bettering myself lately.

#starting to clean/organize my room so I can actually sleep and live in there #miss art so much so I’m desperately trying to get a desk area set up #trying to eat better #lol #that one is damn hard when you don’t have your own kitchen my dude #but I’m trying? #I JOGGED yesterday??????? #fucking mindblowing I know #don’t remember the last time I jogged #I went on a long walk with Maya puppy and we jogged a few times #you guys should have seen her smile 😭 #she also met this tiny senior dog named Murphy and she was SO excited and happy afterwards #it was the cutest thing I’ve seen in ages 🥹 #I wish I could say something I did for someone else #and I’ve done small things here and there sure #but when I’m drowning and trying to survive it’s so hard to help other people #like I’m trying to be myself and check in on people and make sure they’re doing good and being there to listen to them vent #but I can barely handle my day #like my sister vented to me the other day (and of course I was actually in a good mood at the start of the call) #and then by the end I was stuck in my depression like I spiraled BAD #so idk I’m trying super hard to focus on myself and get me back to my happy rosie self #so I can help other people #thanks for the ask 🫶 #ask #ask me shit

[skrunksthatwunk]

just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates #we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home #to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily. #i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing #*petcare #and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not #we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen #i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started #but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt #idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk #but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh #i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it #wasn't even really attainable but. shit. #i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not. #but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner #in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin #what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad. #but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month #i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway. #it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not. #he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate #for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she #didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got #myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways #at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to #help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really. #god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell. #but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.

[gideonisms]

probably my reading of tlt is always going to be filtered through the fact that I think sometimes, if your belief system has really made you miserable for your entire life, there's a lot to unpack there but you should just throw away the whole suitcase

#you could go find something different to worship that same way. or you could simply not! #what if you discovered you don't actually need a reason to cling to life anymore because it's enough to just be here? what then? #harrow throw away the suitcase challenge #i think it's different if there was ever a positive aside from the desperate need to cling to anything so you don't drown #but like. for harrow there wasn't. let's be real she's using the body to justify her own existence #at least her devotion to gideon makes her worse/better in a new fun way #devotion to john & devotion to alecto are different in that alecto probably like. cares a little bit u know? #like yeah that is a better deity because she gives a fuck about you #but on harrow's end i don't think there's that much difference between #living for her duty to john and living for her love for the body #idk if tamsyn actually agrees with me on that one tho so we will see! #i think she could maybe convince me there's a difference in alecto but ntn did not do that

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS

#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for #i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most #friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously #aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think #abt him i think about THAT so. #anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common #and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol #like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs #anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job #and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster #but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it #and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him? #and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO #and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him #but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was. #afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT. #like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear? #i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years #because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing #idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know. #i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷‍♀️ who knows

[serraphique]

iconic lines in siege and storm

"Many women dream of me."

"Don’t worry, tracker. You’ll know when our deal is up...I’ll be certain you hear it when I make her scream."

"The Darkling just stared out into the waves. I considered shoving him over the rail. Sure, he was hundreds of years old, but could he swim?"

I gasped. "You betrayed the Darkling for money?"

"'Betrayed' seems a strong word. I hardly know the fellow."

"I like to have powerful enemies. Makes me feel important."

What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. (technically this is from shadow and bone but it's also mentioned in siege and storm so)

"Huh," he murmured. "I thought the end of the world would be more exciting."

"Mal's always been like that. You could drop him in a camp full of Fjerdan assassins, and he'd come out carried on their shoulders. He just blooms wherever he's planted."

"And you?"

"I'm more of a weed," I said drily.

"Were you always this much trouble?"

"I like to think of myself as delightfully complex."

"You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list."

"I don't care if you think I'm a Saint or a fool or the Darkling's whore. If you want to remain at the Little Palace you will follow me. And if you don't like it, you will be gone by tonight, or I will have you in chains. I am a solider. I am the Sun Summoners. And I'm the only chance you have."

"I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."

"What if someone actually wants his fortune told?"

"Just feed him the usual drivel. Beautiful women, unexpected wealth. Beware of the number eight."

"No, Alina. You came here for Ravka. For the firebird. To lead the Second Army. I came here for you. You're my flag. You're my nation."

"David, I think you just made a joke."

He frowned, utterly perplexed. "Did I?"

"I wouldn't marry Vasily if he had a firebird named Ludmilla, and I couldn't care less about his royal stock."

"You know the problem with heroes and saints, Nikolai? They always end up dead."

Maybe I'll have another hallucination in the middle of the dining room, and the Darkling will climb out of the soup tureen.

"I have loved you all my life, Mal," I whispered through my tears. "There is no end to our story."

For the living and the dead, she would make herself a reckoning. She will rise.

#siege and storm #grishaverse #shadow and bone #alina starkov #nikolai lantsov #mal oretsev #i finally started reading the shadow and bone trilogy and its good #so these are some of my favorite lines #alina thinking about drowning the darkling was so funny sjsjsj #and i really liked how she told the grisha she is their only chance #sure then when the darkling showed up things didnt go....well but still iconic lines #im also gonna make a list of nikolai's lines because #well because he deserves his own list #can you tell that he's one of my favorite characters 🤭 #also the darkling making that comment about making alina scream #sir step away from the sun summoner #i know opinions about book mal are not great but whose gonna tell me that im their flag and nation :/ #and also track a bunch of mythic creachures for me #also alina saying there is no end to their story ;_; #girl we know there is still a whole book about you two #but also ;_; #lots of thoughts #mine

[abyssalpriest]

Working with Leviathan be like

Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired

#ramblings // #Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the #door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you #And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like #duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me #And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me #leviathan // #ramblings // #Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend #And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like #talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories #that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical #bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my #eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and #she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult #:( you know. Just :( #Diary // #The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone #And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it #and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It #Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my #hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo #No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see #it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do #with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my #life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me #takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway #The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it #Thanks Lev #I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao

[allpromarlo]

viola davis is physically unable to not slay. she just does it whenever the camera is on her

#hi i watched a movie can you tell #what can i say? it was biblical #acting 10/10 story 10/10 casting 10/10 costume design 10/10 music 10/10 setting 10/10. movie 10/10 #there's colonizers and they all get killed at the end? TEN OUTTA MOTHAFUCKIN TEN #no like maximum satisfaction when that enslaver was drowned #had me in the theater PRAYING for his death #again. viola davis just does not know how to NOT serve. #she chowed DOWN i fear #movies #the woman king #also...malik (or whatever his name was)? i'm free on a satu— *GUNSHOTS*

[nomaishuttle]

sometimes you watch a show from anytime before like 2016 and its like woo this is awesome and then somethjng happens in it and youre likenog thus is from before 2016.

#this is abt spn and also orphan black sry. #orphan black hasnt had anything super odd as far as i remember.. Aside from tony my archnemesis and cosimas Fucking hair oh my god #i think like 90% of the reason i dont like cosima aside from she judt kind of annoys me a lot and has awful taste in women is her hair #its so weird bc shes like a lesbian stoner stem major so youd think id wont her So soso much given my track record. stares out the window. #but she annoys me so much sometimes its like Cosima shut the fuck up dump delphine and if you make me look at shay again im going to kill #you before your genetic disease does. WHATEVER #looking out the window wistfully I couldve made the show so much better #anyways. eith spn the Pre 2016ness is mainly The racism and The sexism and The cultural. everything #isrg theres this one ep of spn that i was like omf yass bc it had a little kid ghost who died from drowning. which given youd think #itd freak me out and it does bc drowning. but i also loveee a dead little kid ghost and i especially love adead kid ghost haunting one of #their friends/siblings whos old noe you know. so i was like woo #and then they were like and her nanny was black Maybe its voodoo!!!!! and i was immediately like excalibur #and then it was legit a rollercoaster bc i was like Shut up about voodoo shut up about it and they were like no it couldnt have been the #nanny it was the sister and i was like thats #better . and they were like THE SISTER IS DOING VOODOO qnd it was like oh my god okay. #idr what it ended up being in the end. i was so exhausted by the end of it #but the 2014ness of orphan black is mainly. ok im gonna be real its the episode after donnie and alison become drug dealers and theres that #montage of them on the bed with all the money. the cringe i cronged #it was like such a soberingreminder i was like Woo show show show i love show and then that happened and i was like This show is from 2014.

[opalsiren]

like yeah rikki was absolutely justified in keeping the mermaid secret from zane at the start and more than justified to feel betrayed when her secret is revealed to him after he conspires with denman how and ever i do think zane is entitled to feel a little bit betrayed like 👌 just a smidge

my guy is lowkey traumatised after the events of the lorelei wreck, having nightmares, thinking about nothing but finding answers, not only to get clarity but so that he can bask in the glory of discovering mermaids and finally prove he's worthy to his shitty dad. then the girl he fancies is like 'oh we can date once you don't talk about mermaids' when! plot twist! she and her besties were the mermaids in question all along. if i were zane i would feel more than a little betrayed, too

#like both things can be true: zane betrayed rikki by pursuing the mermaid hunt AND rikki in a sense betrayed zane by keeping her knowledge #of mermaids to herself. they were both in the right but both in the wrong you know #yeah rikki had so much to risk if she did choose to reveal the mermaid secret of her own accord but zane was obsessed and to me experiencin #post traumatic stress after his near death experience #i think when talks about the glory of it all and the history books being re-written to include him it's easy to forget my guy nearly drowne #i just think it's all a little more nuanced than 'zane betrayed rikki's trust period end of conversation' #i think she owed him an apology too #h2o just add water #.txt #h2o #queue #zikki #zane bennett #rikki chadwick

[buddydacote]

I was supposed to just post about the Lamb Chop dog toy and move on but of course I forgot to do it. And I'm not too big on the one for today either but it's more a personal issue than anything. I'm not letting it get to me too bad because the song I had for yesterday is close to how I feel in its emotions if not actually relevant to the situation.

#frustration evokes a specific emotion that i relate to heavily #it's one of the songs by soft cell i like the most #i also would love to set a bad bad example #anyway the reason i dont care for today's image is bc of ms wade from when i was little #she was my teacher and actually got married but she ruined my life so i don't recognize it #you know how at the end of it's a wonderful life where George says he wishes he wasn't born and he gets to see how much of a seedy shithole #his competitor would turn the town into and that everyone there owes their happiness and livelyhood to him #his brother drowned the pharmacist was convicted of murder his mother ran a boarding home his wife never married and so on #well i live in a sort of reverse of that ms wade was born and hates kids so now i live in Pottersville instead of Bedford Falls #i always hated those who said they hate children and I was never certain why but now I do #ms wade brought my ma in to scream at her bc i kept moving my hair off my forehead bc it bothered me #ive seen that evil before i can't trust you anymore when you say that I know you're a demon #anyway that's how I got my diagnoses #three then another the year after idr when anger management was addressed but i blame her for that one too #the first three weren't her fault but it was the worst way to discover it #year of the david olenick calendar #Youtube

[billymayslesbian]

Before Lionblaze could argue, another shape burst through the billowing smoke to stand beside Squirrelflight. His eyes glared; his gray fur was matted together and stuck with bits of burnt leaf and twig. Confused by the smoke and flames, Hollyleaf almost thought she was seeing one of her warrior ancestors, until she recognized Ashfur.

Squirrelflight dropped the branch. “Help me push it into the fire!” she yowled.

Grabbing the branch in strong jaws, Ashfur thrust it past the wall of flame and into the ever-narrowing patch of ground where Hollyleaf and her brothers huddled. But Hollyleaf didn’t feel any sense of relief. There was a look in Ashfur’s eyes that she didn’t understand: the look of a cat who had just spotted an unexpected juicy bit of prey.

The branch made a bridge through the flames, but Ashfur stood at the other end of it, blocking the way to safety. Lionblaze nudged Jayfeather to his paws; Hollyleaf took a step toward the branch, then paused. She felt a cold weight in herbelly when she looked into Ashfur’s glittering blue eyes.

“Ashfur, get out of the way.” Squirrelflight’s voice was puzzled. “Let them get out!”

“Brambleclaw isn’t here to look after them now,” Ashfur sneered.

Hollyleaf felt her fur beginning to rise. What did Ashfur mean?

Lionblaze’s golden pelt was bristling, too. “What have you done with my father?” he howled through the flame.

Ashfur looked at him pityingly; his eyes were twin points of fire amid the burning forest. “Why would I waste my time with Brambleclaw?”

The main branch was too solid to catch fire easily, but the leaves on it had shriveled and the twigs were beginning to smoke. Hollyleaf realized that they didn’t have much time before their bridge to safety would be ablaze.

Squirrelflight staggered up to Ashfur. Hollyleaf had never seen her mother so angry. Her fur bristled with fury; she looked like a warrior of TigerClan. Yet it was obvious that the climb to the top of the cliff, followed by her struggle with the branch, had weakened her, and she was exhausted.

“Your quarrel with Brambleclaw has to stop,” she hissed. “Too many moons have passed. You have to accept that I’m Brambleclaw’s mate, not yours. You can’t keep trying to punish Brambleclaw for something that was always meant to be.”

Ashfur’s ears flicked up in surprise. “I have no quarrel with Brambleclaw.”

Hollyleaf exchanged a shocked glance with Lionblaze. “That’s not how it looks to me,” he muttered.

“I couldn’t care less about Brambleclaw,” Ashfur continued. “It’s not his fault he fell for a faithless she-cat.”

Faithless? A growl began to build in Hollyleaf ’s throat, but then she stopped and watched the cats on the other side of the blazing branches. Something ominous was taking place in front of her, and even with flame roaring around them she felt a sudden chill. She shrank closer to Lionblaze and Jayfeather, whose head was up, his sightless eyes intent, as if he could see the confrontation between his mother and Ashfur.

“I know you think I’ve never forgiven Brambleclaw for stealing you from me, but you’re wrong, and so is every cat that thinks so. My quarrel is with you, Squirrelflight.” Ashfur’s voice shook with rage. “It always has been.”

Horrified, Hollyleaf took a step back and felt her hind paws begin to slip on the edge of the cliff. Her head spun as lightning stabbed out and thunder drowned all other sounds, even the roaring fire. For a heartbeat she dangled over empty air, and she let out a strangled yowl.

Then she felt firm teeth meet in her scruff; blinking against the smoke, she realized that Lionblaze was hauling her back to safety. But there was no safety: only the hungry flames, and Ashfur blocking the end of the branch with fury in his eyes. Fiery sparks floated down on all three young cats, scorching their fur, and flames licked the underside of the branch; fear flooded afresh through Hollyleaf when she saw that it was already beginning to smolder.

Ashfur has to let us get out! But Hollyleaf couldn’t find any words to plead with him. What was happening here didn’t have anything to do with them, even if they died because of it.

“All this was moons ago.” Squirrelflight sounded puzzled. “Ashfur, I had no idea you were still upset.”

“Upset?” Ashfur echoed. “I’m not upset. You have no idea how much pain I’m in. It’s like being cut open every day, bleeding onto the stones. I can’t understand how any of you failed to see the blood. . . .”

His eyes clouded and his voice took on a wild, distant tone, as if he could see the blood spilling out of him now, sizzling on the burning ground. Terror burst through Hollyleaf and she pressed closer to her brothers. This cat was more dangerous than the storm or the fire, or the fall lurking perilously close to her hind paws.

Desperately she tried to step onto the end of the branch. At once Ashfur rounded on her, fully conscious again, his teeth bared in a snarl.

“Stay there!” Turning to face Squirrelflight but keeping one paw on the branch, he hissed, “I can’t believe you didn’t know how much you hurt me. You are the blind one, not Jayfeather. Who do you think sent Firestar the message to go down to the lake, where the fox trap was? I wanted him to die, to take your father away so you’d know the real meaning of pain.”

Hollyleaf ’s shocked gaze met Lionblaze’s. “He tried to kill Firestar?” she gasped. “He’s mad!”

Determination glittered in Lionblaze’s eyes, and he bunched his muscles for a giant leap. “I’m going to fight him.”

“No!” Hollyleaf fastened her teeth in his shoulder fur. “You can’t!” Her words were muffled now. “He’ll just push you into the fire.”

“Brambleclaw saved Firestar then,” Ashfur went on to Squirrelflight. “But he’s not here now. He’s not here—but your kits are.”

Squirrelflight’s eyes blazed. For a heartbeat Hollyleaf thought she was going to pounce on the gray warrior, but she knew that exhausted and in pain, her mother would have no chance. Squirrelflight seemed to realize it, too. She drew herself up, head high; she was trembling, but her voice was clear and brave.

“Enough, Ashfur. Your quarrel is with me. These young cats have done nothing to hurt you. Do what you like with me, but let them out of the fire.”

“You don’t understand.” Ashfur looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time; his voice was puzzled and petulant. “This is the only way to make you feel the same pain that you caused me. You tore my heart out when you chose Brambleclaw over me. Anything I did to you would never hurt as much. But your kits . . .” He looked through the flames at Hollyleaf and her brothers, his eyes narrowing to dark blue slits. “If you watch them die, then you’ll know the pain I felt.”

The flames crackled threateningly closer; Hollyleaf felt as if the heat was about to sear her pelt into ashes. She edged backward, only to feel the edge of the hollow give way under her hind paws. The three of them were pressed tightly together, so close that if one of them lost their balance, all three would be dragged off the cliff. Hollyleaf couldn’t control the trembling that shook her whole body as her glance flickered between the cliff and the fire.

Jayfeather was crouched close to the ground, looking tinier than ever with his pelt slicked flat by the rain. Lionblaze’s claws were unsheathed, glinting as the lightning flashed out again, but the tension in his haunches didn’t come from preparing to leap at Ashfur; it came from the effort of keeping himself on the top of the cliff.

Squirrelflight raised her head, her gaze locked on Ashfur’s crazed eyes. “Kill them, then,” she meowed. “You won’t hurt me that way.”

Ashfur opened his jaws to reply, but said nothing. Hollyleaf and her brothers stared at their mother. What was Squirrelflight saying?

Squirrelflight took a step away from them, and glanced carelessly over her shoulder. Her green eyes were fiercer than Hollyleaf had ever seen them, with an expression she couldn’t read.

“If you really want to hurt me, you’ll have to find a better way than that,” Squirrelflight snarled. “They are not my kits.”

#drug mention #saw one where op was making fun of people for not smoking #pic

[catfishofoldin99colours]

what's that post about being autistic means you would like someone to lead you through unfamiliar tasks and most people don't want to do that

That's one of my coworkers and if drives me up the FUCKING wall

#catfish speaks #i HATE answering the phone for a reason #its a phone call i canf opt out of and i genuinely get so fucking anxious about people hearing me #i KNOW theyre all gonna be judging my phone manner and shit i hate it so much #makes me want to throw up #and then this one coworker is the kind of person whos like 'you just need to be pushed into it' #like no Actually throwing me in the deep end will jusy make me drown #and then you'll have me having a breakdown on your hands #and shell ONLY let up if that actually happens #otherwise she'll just keep telling me to do it snd think thatll help #IT WILL NOT #shockingly #my hardass manager who is very scary is a LOT better about this #she recognises thay i need to be treated gently and not shoved into it #it's. god. its so FUCKING irritating like get the fuck off my back

[legendary-alliance-stance]

im so fucking normal about drowned kaineng.

#the part about drowned kaineng that gets me is. nika. #nika's in the old part of new kaineng. u can talk to her. she's a ghost at the end of the annoying jumping puzzle there #and she SAYS that she's keeping an eye on drowned kaineng because there's Something Bad in raisu palace #ANET PLEASE I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!! PLEASE!!!! TELL ME WHATS IN THERE!!!!!!