#i know whats coming and im still afraid of it

[pandoraslxna]

📝 quaritch + size kink (human reader)! could u possibly do noncon for it? im curious to see how you'd write this! 🫶

Miles Quaritch x female human reader, minors dni 🔞

Warnings: non-con, captivity, humiliation, size kink, cum eating

This turn of events would’ve been funny, if it weren’t for you bent over the desk in the interrogation cell, captured by the RD-fuckin‘-A. The waistband of your half-removed pants hanging around mid-thigh, your shirt shoved up to your neck, arms uncomfortably bent and handcuffed behind your back.

And there’s also this fucker. Quaritch. One of his hands is pushing you down against the cold surface of the table, the other slithering over the wet, flushed heat between your legs. You're dripping on the floor, two orgasms wrenched out of you by his thick calloused hands and he doesn’t give you the impression that this will be over any time soon.

"Jesus, sweetheart, got my own little ocean here", he snickers, tapping your oversensitive clit with his rough digits. Your knees go weak; say what you want about him, but he knows what he's doing. Still, you haven’t given him anything of use.

But it’s the sound of a zipper being pulled down that makes you question how long it is going to take for you to reveal Jake’s location. To tell him on which island he’s hiding, which clan is giving him shelter.

"Loyal as a dog, huh? We‘ll see about that."

Had someone ever postulated to you that the human body could stretch as much as yours was doing now, you would have denied the possibility. But Quaritch seemed very eager to show you just how little you know about your own body.

His biceps alone was about as wide around as your waist. He could snap you in half, if he wanted. More trouble than it's worth, but it still felt as if he was trying to. But not with his hands, no. He was daring to tear you apart with his cock.

A sudden thrust of his hips drives that massive slab of flesh fractionally deeper into your already stuffed cunt, drawing a whine from your gagged mouth. The action threatens to send your legs out from beneath yourself, a result that would force you to your knees and would ultimately make you find out about if your throat could stretch as much around his length as your cunt was currently struggling to.

Quaritchs free hand rakes over your back and tangles in your hair, pulls you up and forces you to look back at him. "Maybe I should get you a collar", he chuckles. "You'd look so fuckin' sweet in pink. Only fair, since everyone already calls you Sully‘s rabid bitch."

There’s a muffled cry coming from you as your body stretches to accommodate still more of his length, the warring pain and pleasure a heady mixture that you’re afraid to become addicted to as he thrusts into you. It’s this sensation that’s pulling an orgasm from you. Body threatening to shake apart with the force of it, Quaritch watches through hooded eyes as you come around his cock, sticky arousal beading and dripping down around his base.

You're still breathing heavily when you feel hot spurts of cum painting your insides white. When he pulls out of you, you whine at the sudden loss, the painful emptiness. But then you feel his thumb, swirling around in the filthy mixture of fluids coating your entrance.

Quaritch then steps around the table you’re still laying on, limb as a ragdoll, before he roughly removes the gag and presses his tumb between your lips.

He smirks in terse approval when you begin to lick it clean.

You can play his games, but you wouldn’t tell him anything. He looks like he wants to tell you to lick his cock clean too, just for the sake of humiliating you, but you know, deep down he decides not to push his luck. Good for him. If he had, you may as well have damned the consequences and bitten it off.

#lunas10kfollowercelebration #avatar the way of water #avatar #avatar 2 #atwow #miles quaritch #miles quaritch smut #miles quaritch x reader #miles quaritch x reader smut #atwow quaritch #avatar miles quaritch #avatar quaritch #colonel miles quaritch #colonel quaritch #colonel quaritch x reader smut #quaritch #quaritch smut #quaritch x reader #recom miles quaritch #recom quaritch

[jgracie]

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ OH, BABY!

firefighter!percy jackson x fem!reader

masterlist | rules

an firefighter percy as promised!!! this doesn’t focus much on the firefighter aspect but i had to do it im sorry LOL

you nervously paced around the kitchen of your home - the one you shared with percy - as you mentally rehearsed what you were going to tell him once he got home from work

“it’s okay, y/n, you and perce want this,” you told yourself, your voice barely above a whisper. it was true, you and percy did want a baby. you’d discussed it a while ago and decided it was the right time for the two of you, with both your careers finally being stable and all your debts having been paid. still, you anxiously toyed around with the pregnancy test in your hands, the two lines indicating ‘positive’ almost mocking you as you stared down at them

somehow, you’d managed to keep this hidden from percy for a month, which now made you two months pregnant. you weren’t sure how you did it, but you needed some time to absorb the information of the new addition to your lives so you simply hid the pregnancy test and scans and visits to the doctor for as long as you could

part of the reason why you were afraid was percy’s job. he was a firefighter, and while you did admire him for it as he would constantly risk his own life for the sake of others’, you couldn’t help but wish he’d chosen a different career path. you’d already get worried whenever he’d come home and tell you about the near-death experience of the day like it was nothing special, but with a baby on the way, those feelings tripled

however, you knew percy deserved to know. after a week of contemplating and planning, you’d decided to tell him using the classic ‘bun in the oven’ surprise. the warm smell of the bread baking comforted you as you waited for percy’s arrival, but it wasn’t enough to ease your nerves. that was what prompted you to make your mistake of the day: taking a bath

taking a bath wouldn’t have been a problem if you actually remembered to turn the oven off before you left. whilst you poured your scented soaps and bath bombs into the water, choosing a show to watch on your ipad and lighting some candles, your bun in the oven burnt under the scorching heat

percy was excited to see you, his precious wife. sometimes, he couldn’t believe he actually got to call you that. he nearly skipped all the way to your apartment, a goofy grin plastered on his face as he pulled his keys out of his back pocket and— what was that smell?

being a firefighter, this was a scent that percy knew all too well. suddenly, he was alert, his mind already conjuring up the worst scenarios it could as he frantically turned the keys to your apartment - first the wrong way, causing him to curse under his breath, then the right

he almost kicked the door down as he entered, scanning the space for any sign of you, any sign that you were safe and unharmed

“babe? y/n, where are you?” he yelled, running around the apartment as he tried to find the source of the fire. his shoes left dirty footprints all over the floor, footprints you’d definitely scold him for later, but he’d go through a million lectures from you if he had to. as long as you were alive and safe, percy would be fine

meanwhile, you had gotten out of the shower, your mood improving tremendously, when you’d finally heard percy’s shouts over the music playing from your phone. your brows furrowed in confusion and you put the pregnancy test into the pocket of your robe, making your way over to where he was

when percy saw you, tears sprung to his eyes and he lifted you up, causing you to squeal as he twirled you around before giving you a rib-crushing hug. when you pulled away, you frowned at the evident distress on your husband’s face - what was up with him?

“is everything okay, perce?” you asked, tenderly taking his hands into yours and giving them a right squeeze. percy nodded, but to you, he was an open book. there was definitely something wrong

just as you were about to ask if he was sure, percy said, “everything’s okay, i just smelt something burning and, y’know, with my job, your mind can’t help but wander…” you took a whiff of the air and smelt it too. biting your lip, you followed the scent to the kitchen as you wracked your brain for an answer as to why it was even there

you got to the oven. the oven with the hard, black bun in it

“oh my god, no!” you mumbled, hurriedly getting some oven mitts and grabbing the bun out of the oven, immediately dropping it onto the countertop. as you did this, something happened to fall out of your robe pocket

percy picked it up, about to hand it to you when he noticed what it was. a pregnancy test. more importantly, a positive pregnancy test

his voice trembling as he held back tears for the second time that evening, percy asked, “y/n, what is this?” you looked up and your eyes widened as you patted down your robe, realising the test had fallen out

“y/n,” percy began, pulling you closer to him. with your lips a centimeter apart, he continued, “is this real? are you…? are we…?” you couldn’t find the words to answer his question, so you simply nodded. immediately, percy closed to distance between you, and as the taste of his salty tears mixed with your minty toothpaste, you felt your worries get washed away

percy would be a great father, regardless of what job he had. under the soft kitchen lights, mr and mrs jackson became sure of one thing: that he would come home to you and your baby, no matter what life could possibly throw at him

#percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson #percy jackson x fem reader #pjo #pjo x reader #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson blurb #firefighter percy jackson #firefighter percy jackson x trader #cynwrites

[rewritingcanon]

I have a probably controversial Marauders fandom take of my own, but what is it with the weird ageism towards women in the fancasts, especially coming from a fandom that’s mainly female.

Don’t get me wrong, I also agree that a 30-40something woman would indeed be too old to play a high schooler, but it seems like every 5 years only the popular female fancasts get younger replacements.

For example, Lily Evans: First it was Karen Gillan, then it was Sophie Skelton, and now it’s Annalise Basso (i’ve also recently seen like two or three fancasts with Harley Haisley, a tiktoker that recently turned 18, as Lily and one of them still used Aaron Taylor Johnson as the James of that fancast), yet the popular male fancasts are the same ones from 2012, despite the fact that Ben Barnes and Andrew Garfield are in their 40’s and older than all of these “old women” that were fancasted in the past.

I get that the edits are using young footage, and I actually really like Beabadoobee as Marlene and Sofia Bryant as Mary when the 2012 fancast is out of the picture, but what is the excuse behind the female fancasts getting replaced every few years? are the current young female fancasts going to get that same treatment in the future while Timothee Chalamet still remains as Regulus in his 30’s-40’s?

Maybe it’s not that deep, maybe I’m overthinking it, but it’s all so bizarre to me.

bro i am not caught up on the fancasts in the marauders fandom im so sorry. like i know of atj and ben barnes and andrew for the main three but aint got a clue about no one else (except timothee chalamet… that one is fairly popular and ive gotten complaints about him as regulus on here before). so im afraid i cant add much to the discourse 😭

it very much couldddd me misogyny. it could also be because girls are customising themselves better? they just look more interesting than boys, no offence to men. personally i find it much easier to fancast girl characters than boy characters so that might be a factor, but im not sure about the dynamics in the marauders fandom!!

#harley haisley as lily is criminal though im sorry #like ur right she is too young bro 😭 i always saw her as lily luna or a young ginny if anything #and is sofia bryant not mary anymore?? theyre changing her?? what 😭 #lily evans #marauders #marauders fancast #sirius black #marlene mckinnon #mary macdonald #james potter #remus lupin #regulus black #harry potter #hp #ask #anon #rewriting

[fanofthelamb]

So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

#cw gore #cotl au stuff in here #23 pics under the cut btw #cotl #cotl fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl spoilers #cotl kallamar #cotl leshy #i dont think ill tag anymore #idek if i should've tagged this post at all #but well see how it plays out!! #THIS POST TOOK FOREVER TIME TO GO CLEAN

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

[theghostofashton]

some messy thoughts bc i finally got around to rewatching 2x04 last night and god my heart aches for carlos this ep. like....thinking about how it must've felt to be blindsided at the farmer's market. all this time trying to avoid a situation like this and suddenly it's all happening and there's nothing he can do to stop it. thinking about what he avoided before tk, him wrestling with whether to put himself out there or not at all, because things with his parents would eventually come up and he didn't feel ready to deal with it yet. thinking about him throwing caution to the wind because he'd met someone who made him feel things in ways he didn't think was even possible, who made him forget everything, and how overwhelming it must've been to wonder if he could lose him because of this. thinking about how unsafe carlos had been feeling for years, and how much this must've shaken him. trying to figure out how to explain this big thing he was still struggling with, so worried it would be a dealbreaker, not quite sure how to communicate just how scared he was.

#im just so :( #'i have lived my life in so much fear' from his vows comes to mind #and like 'what if it never changes' at the end he was so convinced it wouldn't #afraid of the possibility of it not and tk not wanting to stick around and him having to just deal with that #to have tk validate what he was feeling and promise he was on board #must've been so relieving after that #carlos reyes #911 lone star #a bit late on this i know the new week of the rewatch has begun but i'm still thinking about this ep lol #911 ls meta

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/ #i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer' #so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!! #now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

[cephalonheadquarters]

Damn. I'm free

#I know i stated a lot before that im not involved with fandoms anymore but like. it just hit me randomly. Im Free #I still absolutely have interests. This is very obvious. But i have no desire of trying to make stuff for others anymore #(except fir my friends hehah) #When i was in the ttcc & pikmin fandoms that was the WORST. Very anxiety inducing year for me because i kept worrying about other people #and what they thought of me and my art #Also those fandoms were just really annoying lol. Toontown more than annoying i cant say anything about it here iuhhh there was #an insane amount of insane things happening with that community its.still happening actualky LOL. I hear about stuff from my friends #But anyways. I just feel so disconnected from everything in a good way if that makes sense #i already got friends and im finally feeling like this blog is mine yaaay #Who gaf about fandoms #Be free..... #This might be because all i care about is my ocs now (& its late and i have a huge burst of energy right now for some reason) #Yes i am very afraid that the focus on them will end but i really dont know what else there is for me to become attached to anymore #Splatoon is my life babeyyy at least it has been for almost 6 years #ill always come back to splatoon❤️ #Touhou and woy are the 2nd and 3rd most thought about interests for me #I dont post about them often as in like. make my own art that much. But i think about them almost as much as splatoon #Grahhh

[liquidstar]

I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire

#im thinking about how i saw a person say futurama is bad because bad things still exist in the future #and its like. thats the point though? #the joke is literally the idea that if we never learn and grow from these problems as a society these are the hyperbolic extremes #that they would come to etc etc #do i think it was all well handled? probably not. it had a 14 year run im sure it fumbled lots of stuff and has shit that doesnt hold up #but i feel like dismissing it entirely based on just- #''but bad stuff happens. and i want the future to be better so this bums me out'' is just dumb LOL like thats literally the point #theyre taking the problems of today and making them into crazy hyperbolic extremes to mock them THATS WHAT SATIRE IS #there is a clarity of purpose youre just bad at picking up on it. NIXON WAS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IN THAT SHOW FOR CHRIST SAKE #WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK ''AMERICA'S FAVORITE SUICIDE BOOTH SINCE ****2008****'' COULD MEAN? #idk. this site is bad media literacy r us why take it seriously. but i am. bc its frustrating #bc that quote on its own is sooooo good at explaining why some ''satire'' is bad and doesnt work #but ppl who dont know how to engage w media beyond a surface level have taken it and turned it into like #''this is bad bc i didnt get it'' ok. sounds like a you problem. #but posting this is scary bc im afraid itll be used for the other extreme .-.

[quirkle2]

question!

i've been wanting to stray away from lu for a while now and do my own thing with wars n ledge and the rest of the links (mainly bc i feel restricted by jojo's rules/don't agree w her takes, and wanna pursuit my own stuff), but there's one big thing holding me back, and that's lack of views to put it bluntly

if i make my own au and don't tag its content as #lu, then it will most definitely get a fraction of the attention my lu content does. and i know it sounds self-centered of me to worry abt something like that, but i put months of work into the fics i post. i put days of work into each art piece i post. if i work on something for months and then 10 people on ao3 read it and an astounding 0 of them even leave a comment, that will be Devastating to my motivation And confidence

what im asking y'all is this: should i finally make my own au to separate myself from lu and risk the plunge in notes, or should i stay in the lu fandom and suffer?

#qktalks #i feel like my links are far enough apart from lu's canon to justify this #ESPECIALLY my wars #my wars is Nothing like lu wars; he's silly and goofy and not at all serious #not even accounting for the fact that he Looks completely different design-wise i think he's pretty far from canon lu now #my sky design is Nothing like lu sky's and i have my own characterizations of him despite not posting abt it much #to put it bluntly once again i wanna post stuff of them all cuddling and being a family without dipshit lu fans coming in and correcting me #so far it's only happened like Once but the fear and anxiety of being ridiculed is still very much apparent #im afraid to post stuff. i don't wanna be afraid to post stuff #i wanna have my own au where i have my Own rules #and i wanna be in a fandom that doesn't fuckin suck VGIEAYGV #but im terrified of switching over and out of the fandom bc then my stuff won't be viewed at all #and without reblogs of my art and comments on my fics i have a feeling i will simply stop producing anything altogether #i know the whole ''u should make art for yourself'' thing but . it's no fun if nobody else is gonna see it yaknow ? #i wanna show other people what makes me happy and maybe make them happy in the process #that's hard to do when u don't tag ur posts w a popular fandom tag that everybody searches through #idk . willing to hear anybody's takes on this

[blissfulseptember]

I knew this year would come with changes, but now that I have the time and space to reflect, I can be thankful for all the struggles and the ways they've been shaping me. I don't feel like a little girl anymore. I'm still letting my inner child come out to play, but the adversities I've faced this year have shown me how strong of a woman I am becoming. I always though I would never be a fighter. My dumbass didn't realize I've been fighting the whole time. Fighting for survival. For opportunity. For peace. For freedom. For love. Hope. Community. Understanding. These things are worth fighting for.

I never expected to end up bartending in my hometown. I moved back here to get out of the city, away from the noise and to find peace in solitude. I was originally hired to cook pizzas, but was soon put in the bar because I handled a situation at work and stood up to a dangerous man who most locals have grown to fear. I have seen too much to be afraid of your classic small-town bad guy villain. I will fight when it is necessary and the right thing to do, and I will not be afraid.

I was terrified of working the bar. The noise, the crowds, the creeps, the same 3 horrendous conversations over and over. But now that I have more experiences under my belt, I'm seeing how much getting out of my comfort zone is benefiting me. At music gigs I often struggled engaging my audience between songs, but now I feel more confident and comfortable with eyes on me. I hold my head higher. I'm a master of banter, diffusing tense situations, and reading what people need and filling that need. Sometimes it's a drink, sometimes it's a song, sometimes it's a hug, sometimes it's a hand to hold and an ear to listen. I know how to connect and communicate better than ever before. For the first time in a long time, people notice my heart, and being perceived isn't all that scary anymore.

The locals respect me. They've seen me in action and they've shown up to support me and make me feel safe when some would seek to cause me harm. I tell them it isn't necessary, but I'm thankful to have friends in my corner. I can handle much more than I used to give myself credit for, but having a support system means that I don't have to. They don't see me as the scared little girl I often still feel like. They see me as a capable badass woman. Because that's what I am.

#idk this is a dumb long rambling i should probably delete #but me a year ago would be amazed at where/who i am today #and im just so proud of her #theres still battles to be fought but i know i have what it takes to come out on top #blissfulseptember #me #selfie #dont fuck with hannah shes not afraid to cut you off or 86 your ass #be nice or get wrecked

[1o1percentmilk]

i love typing full essays and having them go straight into drafts

#im shy and also afraid of people shooting me down for being too pretentious. #or that i actually dont know what im talking abt and just look like the guy in class who treats it like a private yap session between him #-and the professor #im so scared of coming across as the stupid undergrad who's way in over his head #like yes i do not know anything abt ur field and curiosity only gets u that far and stuff #talking to a prof after class like aha yeah i wanted to know more abt this thing. sorry for existing in ur presence btw. i can kill myself #-if #-u ask actually ill do that right now so you dont have to say a single thing #its been getting better but im still so scared all the time #yap

[nobodywritingao3]

.

#ive already expressed what i want to express but i still feel jorrible #i havent felt this badly triggered in months #my skin is crawling' heart wont stop beating' ears are ringing' cant sit still but cant focus on anything #the mental health center isuakly go to already closed for the day #i dont trust myseld to drive anywhere #i know im safe but my body is on fire #i cant stop worrying #theres a part of me that i resent that is afraid that w.soot is gonna try to kill himself #at the same time i feel so sick at all the stuff hes done #all the women coming forward specifically #ive lost faith in someone i really admires #oddly enough im not having flashbacks? #memory loops definitely #i want to sleep but my body literally cannot stop shaking #i have been shaking for hours #i think its literally been 10 hours at this point of non stop shaking #i dont want to admit myself to a psych ward but i think im reaching a point where i might have to go #i havent been there in over a year & i hate it cuz the temperature controls are broken and they wake you up at 5am to make sure youre alive #im safe but i dont want to be alone with this #i dont want to be awake right now #my body wont stop shaking

[frogathy]

childhood was spent thinking i’d go to hell and men would not love me if i swore so now to heal from that i am swearing as much as i fucking can until i come to my own fucking conclusion about how i feel regarding the usage of such crude vocabulary

#it needs to be my own decision and understanding that i do not want to swear #not because other people Told Me it’s not ladylike or im going to go to hell if i do it #if i end up deciding hey you know what i really dont like swearing then Boom i actually have a reason other than guilt and shame #because i will have been able to feel something Other than guilt and shame when swearing. if that makes sense #like instead of being consumed by guilt and shame every time i swear or think about swearing #i am able to come to it without bias and understand for myself (without guilt and shame) why it is wrong or harmful #(or rather IF it is wrong or harmful. ive not comr to my conclusion yet but you can see i still have preconceived notions about it) #and who knows maybe men wont love me after all and i will be unloved by God if i swear #then so be it because ive never known a single thing in my life without someone else telling me #i just want to figure it out and understand for myself without someone holding my hand because im too stupid to come to my own conclusion #my parents put me in a classical school so i could learn to think critically but then have removed every chance for me to think critically #because they are afraid i will make the wrong decision (even though supposedly i have learned critical thinking™) #and they didnt do that intentionally of course. and this sounds resentful but i truly dont mean it that way #i LOVE my parents and the fact that they wanted to put money into giving us good education rather than just nice possessions #they have wonderful hearts and the best of intentions. but no parent is perfect and every single one will affect their kids in some way #whether they meant to or not. or maybe they did something with good intention without realizing the harmful outcome #every day i realize that individuation is an actual thing and its not just a montage in a disney movie #froegis meep tag

[collar-shocked]

About... All that.

//Putting it out there on record, literally everything I've ever made or written for BTD/BTD2/TPOF has been for me, and the community. Gatobob has been such a miniscule figure in her own community that half the time I forgot who even made the thing.

//The fans keep this place afloat. We built this. We added our own character adaptions, we wrote our own stories, we made our own little nests, and we slept in them like babies.

//I'm choosing to stay, not because I don't care about what she's done or who she's hurt, but because I'm not letting a bad exhibit ruin the entire museum. I don't care if you feel you need to distance yourself, do whatever's right for you, and do it unapologetically. Take good care of yourselves. But the people I've met here, the characters I've found comfort in, and the outstanding sense of mutual understanding for the macabre is just too important for me to back away from right now. This is the only space I haven't felt ashamed of myself in for my disturbing interests, and I'm sure it's the same way for so many people.

//I'm so sorry this had to happen at all. (Please read tags, it just doesn't feel right including them in the main post for some reason?)

#//I know its annoying when people say separate the art from the artist but this has literally never been easier #//Gato hardly contributes to ANYTHING the fandom does when compared to what we've built on our own #//And I'll be damned if I let one more lousy creator ruin such a good thing #//but i couldnt say Nothing?... #//it felt like ignoring it. which im not. i dont WANT to. i didnt wanna continue like nothing happened #//but im afraid i cant NOT continue. #//ive had a good cry over it. ive come to terms with it #ooc #Screamo-Mun #//im so scared i'll be demonized for some reason #//this should be a logical process of thought but for some reason im still scared #//please dont think im turning a blind eye #//im just choosing to be a LITTLE selfish this once #//im tired of letting people ruin shit for me #//and im sorry if this reads brash or bold or whatever im just really upset atm

[truckstoptigers]

when i was seven and our trailer burned down, i thought about leaving my father there, grabbing my brother, and getting us the hell out

i didn't. i ended up waking our father and we all ended up at the neighbors' house

but i should have

i fucking should have

because the minute he had a chance to be alone with me (after we got to my grandma's trailer) guess what he did! shortly after our fucking HOME burned down and the firefighters gave my brother and i teddy bears and wrapped blankets around us for shock!!!!!! fucking christ i hate our father more than anyone on this earth

#haha :) feeling normal abt this! #all i cared about was my brother being safe. thats all. i still remember holding his hand and walking him to the neighbours house #i couldnt see because i left my glasses in the trailer. they put on the little mermaid cartoon for us. i even remember what episode it was #but i genuinely considered leaving my father there and honestly that scares me #honestly i was afraid to wake him up bc i didnt want him to get mad at me. if he got mad at me i would always suffer for it later #milo murmurs #fun fact we lived w someone & his son and his son ended up becoming my cousin when his mom married my uncle #i am so so glad neither or them were home that night #he was so young. im several years older than him & he was so little that he doesnt even remember we lived together #csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #also feeling fucked up abt the fact that my father wld put his cigarettes out on me when he was pissed #sometimes i wonder if the fire started because he was smoking smth and passed out while doing it but my brother slept in his room #i feel like they wouldve been much more worse off if the fire started in their room #anyway im pretty sure that the fire was set intentionally bc he had some ties to the wrong ppl #and either they didnt know me & my brother were also there and were only going after our father or they didnt care we were there #to this day even bonfires make me nervous if i can only smell them & cant see them. i hate smelling smth burning & panicking #we live in the country now so its very common for ppl to burn leaves and wood and what have you. its still scary sometimes #i think abt this a lot actually bc any fire still makes me lowkey nervous. less so if i know where/what its coming from but still nervous