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thepersona · 1 year

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Under the Queen's Umbrella: Thoughts on episodes 9-10 (spoilers!)

Another unwanted post with crappy screen grabs. Spoiler alert! I think I have to separate this post by issue / arc to keep it somewhat organized.

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Queen Hwaryeong & the King vs. the Dowager:

We see the aftermath of the iconic cuckoo pint gift/threat. The Queen shows the King proof that the Dowager was behind the assassination attempt on Grand Prince Seongnam, and the Dowager supposedly poisons herself with the plant the Queen gave her to force a kind of stalemate on the issue. Again, the acting between the two ladies is ridiculously good.

I never expected to like the King, but I started to admire him this week. He believed the Queen right away, and lightly told her off about the plant thing, not because she could have killed his mother but because it delayed bringing the Dowager to face justice even more. Their dynamic is so intriguing I'd love to know more especially since they've given us another flashback of Hwaryeong as Crown Princess.

Let's talk about that flashback and the rumor about Seongnam's parentage. If the rumor is what gives the Dowager whatever power over the Queen then should we think that there must be some truth to it? (Was it just me or did they pay attention to the baby's birthmark?) Or does it have something to do with conceiving during the time of mourning? I need more details!

Here's a theory, though I'm probably wrong. What if the Dowager hired someone to take advantage of the young Crown Princess while her husband was in mourning and inaccessible? And that incident resulted in the conception of Seongnam? After rewatching ep 9, I was so intrigued that the King's first reaction was to stop the rumors to protect his wife rather than interrogate her. So that tells us that he knows the truth. Either Seongnam really is his kid but conceived at the wrong time, or he found out what happened and decided to recognize Seongnam as his own. This would also explain the Queen's motivation to set up the women's shelter by the time she was pregnant with Grand Prince Muan. And my gosh that shelter and that flashback! (I'm not one for slapping scenes but I admit the justice is satisfying)

I still enjoy the chess motif. I love that no matter how brilliant Hwaryeong is, she still makes less than ideal decisions and reveals more than I care for tbh. I love how she finds a way to get her enemies to stab each other in the back (and front lol). She knows that the Hwangs are nowhere near as shrewd as the Dowager, who would never put all of her eggs in the same basket (I love that about the Dowager btw).

I also like her silent teamwork with the King, who's been making subtle but effective moves to keep the contest fair and delay a rebellion at the same time (!) He has to maintain the illusion of being helpless but when he takes a step it always seems to count.

Meanwhile the Queen is steering Minister Yoon to her side. This makes me even more curious about that request that the deposed Queen Yoon will make that Hwaryeong won't be able to refuse. My guess is that it has to do with getting revenge on the Dowager and the King.

The Contest:

We've all known from the get-go that Seongnam, Bogeom, and Uiseong would be the final three so no surprise there. We all knew Uiseong is a murderous a-hole and I enjoyed him being told off by the King. His choice to prioritize the contest over keeping the peace should have been grounds for disqualification, not to mention the assassination attempt against GP Gyeseong.

I like the bond building between Seongnam and Bogeom, especially when the latter refused to use the intel his mother gave him. I swear Consort Tae has much to learn from her son, she's going to get him killed if she keeps this up. I have a feeling that if Bogeom becomes Crown Prince, then he would most likely end up dead. I'm afraid Uiseong might kill him while Seongnam and the Queen (who would have to give up her title) are indisposed. All the more likely if it turns out that Uiseong has no relation to the King or if he goes against the Dowager.

I never cared for the romantic storylines, but I see why they are necessary here. Cheongha comes off a little stalkery and desperate at the moment but I see how she can be an asset to the Queen's cause once they officially meet. She's resourceful and bold, two characteristics the Queen definitely values. As for Muan and Cho-wol, the fated-from-the-womb cliché wasn't my thing but at least it gave us some insight into the women's shelter. I'm not interested in how it will end happily for them, but I did enjoy this scene (Hwaryeong's face lol).

I'm just glad Ilyoung and Hodong are okay, tbh. Let the babies have their food trip and everything will be fine.

Motherhood:

The show has such a nuanced depiction of motherhood. Instead of rose-colored glasses, we get a kaleidoscope. We have Hwaryeong who represents the modern ideal despite all her flaws. But we're also presented with other perspectives that are realistic and relatable. This week shed more light on the relationship between Consort Ko and Prince Simso. His early signs of intelligence fueled her (projected) ambitions, which in turn have led her to push her son to vie for a position that he never wanted and neglect his overall well-being. It's all too real y'all.

Despite her actions and corrosive words towards him, not even the Queen doubts Consort Ko's love for Simso. But it only goes to show that maternal love can manifest in different and potentially harmful ways. It's something that the Queen herself has to control, even if her nagging comes from a place of worry for her children's lives. I love everything about the whole drinking / magic cup scene, which also tells me that Muan and Cho-wol are endgame because the Queen will eventually allow it.

I know we won't be stanning Consort Ko anytime soon but I wouldn't wish death upon someone who knows how to right her wrongs. Woo Jeong-won's acting was amazing this week, btw. She really made the most of her screen time. You know it's good writing when you can sympathize with a character who's done some detestable things. (I've been trying to gif this scene but I don't know the best way to cut it because it says so much with no dialogue!?!)

I get that her helping Gyeseong was thanks to Hwaryeong saving Simso but you gotta admit it felt so good to see Consort Hwang demoted!

TLDR: It's still really good. Can't wait til Saturday to know more about the Prince Seongnam situation.

#under the queen's umbrella #kim hye soo #kim hae sook #choi won young #moon sang min #ok ja yeon #chani #kdrama #kdrama spoilers #i only have ugly gifs sorry

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years

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Milkshakes

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: Overwhelmed when Loki saves you, you respond to his kindness with fear. Determined to apologize, you seek Loki out to thank him with a couple of milkshakes and some fries. Warnings: a tad angsty but much fluff A/N: This is actually one of my favorite fics I’ve ever written. Hope you all enjoy :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely

Disclaimer: Picture not mine

Of course it had to be during your lunch break that a supervillain attacked the city. Of course today you decided to go out to eat instead of packing something. And, of course you had to be walking by the building right as it crumbled. You started praying to any god that there may be to save you from being crushed. Though, you hadn’t actually expected one to save you.

In the moments before you would have been flattened, Loki put an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. Raising his free hand, a glimmering green force field appeared around you. The falling matter bounced off of it and landed around you, the shield offering strong protection. Of course you were thankful to be rescued, but did have to be Loki? You knew he was supposedly reformed, but so many news outlets still ran stories about how he was dangerous. A ticking time bomb. You’d never quite formed an opinion on him, and it was causing great conflict in you now. On the one hand, he looked very intimidating from this close, what with his impressive stature and horned helmet and all. But on the other, he was saving you from the actual super villain destroying the city. Perhaps if there wasn’t so much going on, you could think more clearly. Alas, your thoughts were a messy, confused jumble, leaving you fearful of the super-powered god in front of you.

“Are you alright?” he asked in his deep, smooth accent as the shield shimmered away into nothing. The god brought his arm to shield your eyes from the small pieces of debris still falling, the other one still around your waist in a protective manner. “Are you injured at all?

“I, um, uh, I- I,” you stammered, backing up. “Mhm. All good. Uhhh, thanks.”

You were certain you must be the most awkward person in history, but instead of making fun of you, Loki just looked sad. Even with the hurt behind his eyes, his arms shot out to catch you when you stumbled over the wreckage. He guided you away from the obstacles to a place where you could walk unhindered. He moved back from you as soon as he’d finished escorting you.

“You are welcome,” he finally responded. “I am sorry for frightening you. You should get somewhere safe.”

Without waiting for a reply, he left to rejoin the battle. You started retreating from the scene, steering as clear of any large structures as you could, cursing yourself the whole time. Loki had saved you, and you’d been afraid of him. What kind of nonsense was that? And you were certain he got that kind of reaction all the time, based on the way he’d looked at you and realized your bumbling actions were a result of fear. Fear of him after he’d so carefully and gently saved you.

You felt stupid and petty as you joined a throng of people being guided away from the scene. After nearly two years of working to protect the city, Loki should have gotten more praise and love than he did. You realized it now, only moments too late. Someone should tell him he was appreciated, a hero. And if no one else was going to do it, you resolved to do it yourself.

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The meeting was dreadfully boring, but someone had to go. Seeing as all the other Avengers were busy, that someone was Loki. Besides, Stark had told him it would be good for his image to head up the restoration of the city this time round. The committee and resources were all a part of Stark Industries, of course, so Loki felt there should be some employee to take care of it instead of him. But whatever, he’d been roped into it now, and he figured that there was some merit to what Tony has said about his reputation.

Luckily, with a week having passed since the battle, great headway had been made with the repairs, and the meeting was much shorter than expected. Itching to get outside, Loki headed to the main doors.

“You don’t understand,” Loki heard someone say to the receptionist as he approached the front desk. “He saved me the other day. I have to thank him. Please?”

Loki just rolled his eyes as he pushed through the turnstile. He couldn’t even begin to count how many fans had tried this tactic to meet their favorite Avengers. Granted, no one had ever tried to see him, but he was coming to terms with it. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder which of his colleagues you were trying to get through to see. Perhaps Steve, or maybe even Thor. Loki was so lost in thought it barely even registered when the voice switched from pleading with the receptionist to calling after him.

He turned and stopped, recognizing the person jogging after him as you, who he remembered from the battle. “May I help you?” he asked in the most pleasant tone he could manage.

“Yeah. Uh, hi. I don’t know if you remember, but you saved me the other day,” you explained sheepishly. “You know, during the attack.”

“Yes, I recall.”

“Oh! Good. I just wanted to say thank you for that. For saving me, I mean. And the city.”

“I see,” the god replied, suspiciously raising an eyebrow. “Well then, you are welcome. Really, I was just doing my job, though.”

“Well, I still appreciate it.” There was a lapse in the conversation, as neither of you were really sure what to say next. “Can we go somewhere? Like for coffee or something. Can I buy you a coffee?”

Oddly enough, that made Loki distrust the situation even more. Ok, maybe you were actually a super nice person who had a guilty conscience for making him feel bad, and maybe that prompted you to come thank him properly. But that you wanted to buy him something, presumably to show your newfound appreciation? Absolutely preposterous. The only people who ever did something remotely as kind as that were his fellow Avengers, and not even all of them or particularly often. Any of the other people who openly supported him didn’t show appreciation, per se. It was more that they felt he’d done enough to redeem himself at this point, which wasn’t exactly the most thrilling phrasing either. But here you were, awkwardly shuffling your feet and asking to buy him coffee. Loki supposed he shouldn’t pass such an opportunity up. And yet, he probably was going to.

“No thank you,” he finally replied, shaking himself from the shocked, catatonic state he’d fallen into. “I do not much like coffee.”

As he walked away, he thought that would be the end of it. That perhaps you’d only been talking to him in the hopes he’d invite you to see the other Avengers, too. That maybe you’d go back to trying to wheedle your way inside at the front desk. Much to his surprise, you came hurrying after him.

“Wait,” you called. “Ok, so scratch the coffee. How about ice cream or tea or a milkshake or something? Anything really, you name it.”

Now that you were outside, he observed you again while he thought, as if hoping the sunlight would reveal your true intentions. He couldn’t find anything malicious in your expression, just some sort of anxiety. Loki must have taken too long in coming to a decision, because you started rambling.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to pressure you into it or anything, but I wanted to do something nice to say thank you and-” you cut off and bit your lip. “Is this stupid? It sounds stupid. It’s probably stupid. I’ll go now. Again, I’m really sorry to have bothered you.”

“One moment,” he said before you could make your retreat. “You said anything I want, correct?” You eagerly nodded as Loki got an idea. “Alright then. I would like a five course meal at the nicest restaurant in London, please and thank you.”

“I, um. I know I said anything but, uh...” You noticed his serious expression had turned into a sly grin. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am. My apologies, but I simply could not resist,” he chuckled.

You began to laugh, too. Not in a way that made him think it was out of courtesy or pity, but an honest to goodness laugh. Briefly, he thought it one of the most beautiful sounds he’d ever heard, before quickly shaking the idea from his mind. It was ridiculous; he hardly even knew you. But you seemed pretty adamant on showing your gratitude. Plus, you’d apologized to him, which was more than he could say for most of the people in his life.

“You know, I would usually say tea, but a milkshake actually sounds quite lovely right now,” he told you once you’d calmed down. “That is, if the offer is still open.”

“Of course it is!” you happily told him, the smile on your face growing. Not to mention you seemed much more at ease. “I actually know a great diner that’s just a short walk from here, if that works for you.”

“By all means, lead the way.”

It took approximately ten minutes to get to the restaurant. After properly introducing yourselves, you kept up a light dialogue. It wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly; just hesitant, as if both of you were afraid of saying the wrong things and shattering the blissful moment. Loki still couldn’t bring himself to fully trust you. Such a feeling just wasn’t in his nature, especially not when it came to someone he just met and had a considerably rocky start with. Even so, he found himself enjoying your company.

Arriving at the diner, Loki held the door open for you as you walked in. Luckily, you didn’t have to wait for a seat, the classic red stools at the bar free at this time of the afternoon. Loki swiveled the seat back and forth ever so slightly, and found himself chuckling when he caught you doing the same thing. You offered him a shy smile as a waitress handed the both of you a menu.

The God of Mischief had only ever had the pleasure of drinking a milkshake once before, a vanilla one when the team had convinced him to try it on one of their outings. He’d thoroughly enjoyed it and planned on playing it safe by ordering the same thing now. When you asked what he was getting, though, you were having none of that. After nearly five minutes of rousing debate, you’d finally talked him up to chocolate. Part of him was having so much fun with the discussion and how animated you became about the topic that he almost didn’t want to concede. But the waitress came back to take your orders, and he didn’t want to make her leave and come back again.

“Oh, and some French fries too please,” you added after ordering your favorite milkshake.

Loki shot you a perplexed look. “French fries?” he asked after the waitress moved away.

“Yeah. Please tell me you’ve heard of them before.”

“I have. I have even eaten them a few times before, believe it or not,” he answered as you turned to face him, leaning on the counter. “But are you certain they go with a milkshake?”

Your jaw dropped open. “Of course they do. Listen, Loki, you haven’t lived until you’ve dipped French fries in a milkshake. You’ll love it, I promise.”

You continued to help him expand his knowledge of Midgardian cuisine as you waited for your order to come. Once it arrived, you dipped a fry in your shake, just as you had said, trying to convince him just how delicious it truly was. The trickster skeptically picked one up and mimicked your actions, plunging it into the frothy liquid. The second it hit his tongue, his face lit up in pure delight.

“See, I told you,” you laughed.

“Indeed you did,” he said back, the corners of his eyes crinkling from how wide his smile was.

An hour and another order of fries later, the two of you finished your snack. Loki was in a better mood than he’d been all month. Honestly, he was a little sad when the bill came.

“Are you certain you do not want me to pay?” he checked as you fished out a twenty from your wallet to cover the low-cost meal. “Or we could split it, at least.”

“Loki, it’s fine,” you giggled. “This is me thanking you, remember? And, honestly, it’s me apologizing, too. I was just startled the other day and there was a lot going on. I hadn’t ever really thought about what I’d do if I met an Avenger, least of all if it happened while they were saving my life. I was overwhelmed; I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about yourself or anything.” Without really thinking about it, your hand moved to rest on top of his. It was a surprise to Loki, but a welcome one. “Because—and I can say this with absolute certainty—you’re amazing, Loki. You do so much for the city. I hope you know how appreciated you are, at least by me.”

His other large hand came to cover yours. “Thank you, darling.” He didn’t mean to say the pet name, but it just slipped out. “I cannot express how much that means to me.”

Somewhere in his heart, he wanted to tell you everything, make you privy to all his inner turmoil. But that was buried underneath years of pain and rejection, too heavy to move for someone he didn’t know all too well, no matter how connected he felt to you in this moment. So he let the urge pass over him, hoping his thanks would be sufficient enough in expressing how he felt.

“You’re welcome, Loki,” you told him, squeezing his hand. Then you stood up. “So, I guess I’ll be letting you get on with your day then. This was really nice, though. Thanks for agreeing to it.”

“You’re welcome and thank you,” he replied. “It really was.”

After waving goodbye to each other, you exited and Loki stayed where he was, picking at the last few nubs of fries left in the basket. He didn’t know exactly why he didn’t leave, too. Just that something was missing.

“Ah, young love,” the elderly waitress who had been serving you all day said to Loki as she came to collect the empty dishes. “Magical, isn’t it?”

“Love?” Loki choked out. “I am afraid you are quite mistaken. It was not even a date. I hardly even know them. I will probably never even see them again.”

“And you’re just gonna let them walk out?” she tsked. “It’s a right shame, sonny. Let me tell you, you don’t just let something like that walk out on ya.”

He looked at the door for a second in melancholic contemplation before bolting out after you. He shouted his thanks to the waitress as he pushed open the glass door, exiting out into the harsh sunlight. As his eyes adjusted, they scanned for your form before it walked out of his life forever. Spotting you, he jogged in your direction and called your name. Funny, he thought, how just earlier that day the roles had been reversed.

“Loki?” you asked, stopped on the sidewalk as he caught up to you. “Are you ok? Did something happen?”

“Actually, the problem is what did not happen.” He kicked a rock with his shoe, as suddenly the ground became very interesting to him. His insides were a nervous mess. Clearing his throat, he gathered his courage to continue. “See, I do not have any way of contacting you again. And it had been my sincere hope that you would want to do this again, let me take you out somewhere.”

“That sounds amazing,” you agreed, jotting down your number on an old receipt you’d found in your wallet. Smirking, you parroted back his words from earlier. “How about you take me for a five course meal in London?”

“Oh, so you have turned my own jokes against me. How very clever of you,” he laughed. “What if we just went to see a movie, instead?”

“Perfect,” you nodded. “Just text me a time and place, and I’ll see you then.”

“I look forward to it. As soon as I buy the tickets, I shall let you know.”

“Sounds awesome! It’s a date.”

As you parted ways, for real this time, it registered in Loki’s mind what you’d said. He hadn’t particularly been thinking about his phrasing or in what way he was asking you to hang out. But apparently you’d taken it as an invitation for a date. As Loki arrived back at the Tower and flopped onto his bed, already dreaming of your laugh, he found he was quite happy that you had.

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hercleverboy · 3 years

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stars

spencer reid x fem!reader

summary ↠ spencer and the reader watch the stars and talk about their future.

category ↠ fluff

warnings/includes ↠ none

word count ↠ 1.7k

dedicating this fluff fest to my wifey, @alltooreid thank you for not only your creative input on this, but also for being there for me when i needed someone. much love <333

“And so I named the stars one by one, after every favourite memory of you.” — Stephen Stilwell

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She whispered, eyes staring up into the night, drawn to the little specks of light dotted in the clear sky. They were laid on the soft grass, blanket beneath them as they looked up together, beaming smiles on both their faces.

He grinned down at the woman who rested her head on his chest, his arms wound tightly around her. “It certainly is. I’m surprised the sky is so clear tonight, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to see much.” He admitted with a little laugh.

She chuckled at that. “You didn’t think we’d see much, and yet you still let me drag you out here at an ungodly hour so we could watch the stars?” She asked, shuffling slightly so she could look up at him.

“Of course. You’re cute when you’re excited, I didn’t have the heart to tell you that the probability of the sky being clear enough for us to see anything was only around 37%.” He explained, intertwining their hands together. “But there you go again, proving me wrong.”

“Hm. Aren’t you supposed to be a genius or something?” She joked, making him roll his eyes.

“I am! Unless you too can recite the Bible from memory? Or the manual for our microwave?” He joked, causing Y/N to give him a gentle shove.

“Can I ask you something?” She whispered, looking up at him.

He breathed out. “Anything.”

They were quiet for a little while before she spoke again. “Do you ever think about our future?”

Spencer’s breath hitched at the question.

Of course, he thought about their future. All the time. Marriage, kids, a big house with a white picket fence, perhaps even a dog. It was the ‘apple-pie’ life he’d dreamt of, more than he’d like to admit.

He gave her a squeeze, one of reassurance.

They’d been together for two years. Two years that had simultaneously been the best and worst of his life. In those years he’d nearly died after being shot in the neck, he’d lost Alex, Kate, Gideon, and the team was still under immense threat from Mr. Scratch. And somehow, admist all the chaos, he’d met this incredible woman who had helped him through it all. The last few months in particular had been rough for him. With Morgan leaving the team and his mother’s condition worsening, it had certainly made him reconsider everything he had in his life and also reminded him of not only what he’d lost, but what he’d gained.

Y/N sighed, but still gave Spencer a smile. “It’s ok. We don’t have to talk about it, I was only wondering.”

“No, no. It’s ok. I’m just trying to gather my thoughts, is all.” He assured her, moving to sit up straight. Y/N sat up too, Spencer reaching out and grabbing one of her hands to hold tightly in his. “I think about it all the time, truthfully.” He mumbled.

“You do?”

“Of course, I do. You’re it for me, Y/N.” He gave a small smile, his gaze dropping to their intertwined fingers. “It’s just, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”

Y/N nodded, urging him to continue.

“I’ve been thinking about my position at the BAU.” He stated firmly. Y/N’s eyes widened slightly in shock, surprised at the confession. The way he said it was so sure, so certain. He’d evidently been thinking about it for quite some time.

“Ever since Morgan left, I’ve been going over it again and again in my head. I understand why he left. His family needed him and it’s honestly the most admirable thing I’ve ever seen him do. I just wonder,” He paused, biting down on his lip in thought. “Would it be wise for me to make the same decision he did?”

Y/N frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean— Y/N I love you. I want us to get married, have children, I want us to have a life together. And after watching Morgan, seeing how he gave up the job for his family, don’t you think I should do that too? For you, for us?” He explained, eyes finally meeting her worried ones.

“Woah, woah Spence. Are you saying you’re thinking of leaving the BAU?” She clarified, moving a little closer to him.

Spencer nodded. “I know, it seems crazy right? At first I couldn’t believe that I was even considering it but I’ve thought about it a lot and it just, it seems like the right thing to do.” He gave a small shrug. “If we’re going to have a life together I want our family to be my priority, and I just don’t think I can do that while I’m still doing this job. I’ve seen it all first hand. I watched Hotch lose Haley, I watched Morgan nearly lose Savannah, all because of this job.”

Y/N shook her head slowly, much to Spencer’s surprise. “Spencer... I won’t be the reason that you leave a job that you worked so hard for, a job that you love so much. What about the team? They’re your family- “

It was Spencer’s turn to shake his head, cutting her off mid-sentence. “You’re right. The team are my family, but so are you. And if they care about me like I know they do, they’ll support me with this. And as for jobs? There are plenty out there that I’ll enjoy. I’ve actually been thinking of getting in contact with Alex, maybe asking about teaching opportunities at Georgetown.”

Y/N looked up at him, eyebrows furrowing as she studied his face intently. He avoided her eyes, small smile pulling at his lips.

She smiled back, a knowing look on her face. “You’ve already spoken to Alex about it, haven’t you?”

Spencer chuckled with a nod. “You know me too well. I spoke to her last week. She said there’s an open spot as the head of the Criminal Psychology department. The job is mine if I want it.”

Y/N gave him a grin, squeezing his hands. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He nodded, but that wasn’t enough for her. “No, I need to hear you say it. I need to know that you’re not going to resent me in a few years because of this.”

He was quick to shake his head, pulling her toward him as one of his hands came up to cup her face. “I would never resent you.”

“So, this is what you want?” She asked once more, just so she knew he was absolutely sure.

He nodded adamantly. “I want you. I’m only ever going to want you.” He murmured the words so softly that it made Y/N’s heart ache. “Now, and for the rest of my days.”

With joyful tears building in her eyes she nodded, enveloping him in a hug as he kissed the side of her forehead.

Spencer let out a sigh accompanied by a teary smile. He gave her a squeeze, his hands soothing along her back as he looked up at the stars. “Did you know, there’s an old Buddhist saying that when you meet your soulmate, remember that the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making. We’re supposedly, quite literally, bound together through space and time. Isn’t that cool?” He rambled, earning a chuckle from Y/N.

“That is really cool.” She agreed.

“You know I’m a man of science, but how else is it possible that you came into my life at a time where I needed you the most?” He whispered the last part, as though he was afraid to be so vulnerable as to let the words leave his lips. “Do you- do you think it’s possible that the stars brought us together?”

She grinned, tilting back her head slightly to look up at the stars with him. “Yeah, I think so.”

Spencer looked down in awe at the baby girl pressed against his bare chest. Josephine June Reid, barely three days old and already she had her father wrapped right around her tiny finger. Nothing he’d ever felt before compared to the feeling he had when he looked down at her, his little girl, his daughter. She slept peacefully against him, her little chest rising and falling rhythmically as his hands soothed over her back, gently rocking her.

There was a soft knock on the nursery door, his tired-looking wife pushing it open. “Spence?”

He looked up, and offered her a warm smile. “Hey, you’re supposed to be resting.”

Y/N gave a sleepy grin, moving toward them. “You know that we’re supposed to sleep when she does, right?”

He snickered at that, raising an eyebrow at her. “You only gave birth three days ago. You know I’m going to tell you to get back into bed, right? Doctor’s orders.”

She held her hands up in a mock surrender, placing a kiss on the side of Spencer’s head. “I know.”

It was silent for a moment, the new parents just staring down at the little life they’d created, filled with such a warmth, such a happiness that they’d never felt before.

“I can’t put her down, not yet. I don’t want to let her go.” Spencer whispered, bringing up a finger to soothe over his daughter’s cheek. “I love her so much.”

“I know. She loves you too.” Y/N assured, watching with joy at how Spencer was with their daughter. He really was a natural with kids.

“You really should go back to bed, love. You need all the rest you can get.” He warned in a playful tone.

Y/N chuckled a little with a nod, bending down to press a gentle kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “I’m not going to fight you on that one Doc, I’m exhausted.” She ruffled the curls on her husband’s head, offering him a warm smile. “Love you. Come back to bed soon, yeah?”

Spencer nodded, promising he would.

Before Y/N left the nursery, she turned back to her husband, calling his name softly. “Spence?”

“Yeah, love?”

“Do you regret it now?” She whispered, her fingers fumbling together as though she was afraid she wouldn’t like his answer. “Do you regret leaving the BAU?”

The question made him frown, it made him think. Did he regret leaving?

His eyes flickered between his wife and the beautiful little girl against his chest and he smiled slightly at the realisation. This was everything he’d ever wanted, here, right in front of him. Every decision he’d made, every moment of heartache, every person he’d lost, they had all lead him there. To that very moment.

And for that, he was so incredibly grateful.

“No.” He replied, his voice as sure as the day he first mentioned leaving. “Not even for a second.”

He supposed he had the stars to thank for that.

#spencer reid #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler #mgg x reader #mgg #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer x y/n #criminal minds

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thejustmaiden · 3 years

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So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

#anti yashahime #anti sessrin #sesshomaru is rin's dad #papamaru #hogosha 💖#the sequel may not be canon but sunrise can still burn in hell

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like-rain-or-confetti · 3 years

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Request: Sacrifices for You (Vladimir x Reader)

Vladimir skipped a few pages in his book. It was massive and had to be well over a thousand pages. Supposedly, it was files of sorts, documents from the time the two were ruling. Of course the book wasn't the original, the original being lost to the fire in the castle. However, they recalled most if not all of its contents considering they had lived it and had expectations in terms of quality within the documents. It was how the two Romanians were, they had things done their way and only their way. Vladimir had just finished helping you bring your stuff to his room since you'd now be living with them. If anything you gave them a reason to stay home. Stefan was indifferent whilst Vladimir was happy as long as you were happy. Although, as promised, he left you to unpack to speak with Stefan. The two trying to calculate their next moves to avoid the Volturi. You were fine with it, immediately putting in your headphones to listen to music whilst you unpacked. You seemed happy enough so Vladimir left you to it.

Since then, half an hour had passed and you were in the middle of unpacking. You were in such a good mood that you didn't seem to care when you began to sing along with the music, even letting out a couple of giggles at the silliness. Hearing this made Vladimir and Stefan pause. Vladimir looked up at the ceiling with a smile, the book before him now long forgotten. Stefan chuckled. "Is this what I have to look forward to?" Vladimir sent him a playful look. "They're happy." He said mostly to himself. "You act like it's the first time, friend." Stefan smirked. "You know that is not what I was thinking." Vladimir responded pointedly. "I do. You've been worrying over them for weeks thinking they were simply agreeing to all of this by means of sacrificing their own happiness." Stefan recalled. "They didn't get much choice, I just want to make it easier on them." "Vladimir, that human adores you and the ground you walk upon. Trust me, you don't have anything to worry about." Vladimir's smile fell. "I'll always worry." Stefan nodded slowly, understanding Vladimir's pain. "I know." Stefan leaned forward in his chair. "My friend, you and I both know that they've got a difficult time ahead of them but they aren't alone. We're with them." "I know." Vladimir nodded. "I know. It's pleasant to hear them happy for the time being. That's what came to mind." "Did you tell them to not unpack everything? They've got another two residences and it won't be ideal of they've got nothing with them when the time comes to move." "Yes, I did but only figured we can simply get them more stuff if it comes to it." Vladimir shrugged.

You knew Vladimir was relaxed when he out his feet up on the coffee table, with shoes and everything. It meant that in that moment, he simply didn't care. He was completely at ease and you always enjoyed the sight. He stared at the fireplace in front of him, deep in thought. He didn't look at you, it was almost like he hadn't even knew you were there. Although that would be stupid to think. Of course he knew. You were the loudest in the house, thanks to your footing and heartbeat. You smiled down at him before sitting beside him on the couch.

That was when he cast a sparing glance to you, the corner of his mouth upturning in a smile. You broke the gap between you both, nestling against him and moving your legs in-between his own. The position would have been uncomfortable for Vladimir if he was human. However, he barely seemed the weight of your legs against his shins and knees. He wrapped an arm around you, resting your head on top of his own. "Seconding guessing? Thinking about your escape plan to get away from me?" You smiled and he hummed in amusement. "No, my dear. I'm afraid that will be you when the time comes." "I don't think so. I like you too much." You said simply with a smile. "Hm...you better." Vladimir smirked, kissing the top of your head before moving back to rest his head on top of your own. "Seriously, though. You've never doubted me? You'll literally be stuck with me forever." You asked. He hummed in amusement.Vladimir wet his lips. "Being with you...is unable to be put into words. We can try. I can use every word I can think of in every language but put them together and it still doesn't quite do it justice. From the day we met, keeping up with you is maddening." You giggled. "I'm serious!" He smiled. "It has always been a case of me keeping up with you. The irony about it is amusing." Vladimir a smile faltered. "Although I don't dare keep up and...if those Italian scum were to ever..." Vladimir trailed off, looking away. You knew he couldn't look at you, remembering what had happened to his mate. "Do you need some company? For when they come and you have to run?" You asked. Vladimir's eyes moved back to yours. "You and me. If they come with you then I can take that." You told him. "You would do this for me?" "Vladimir, you are the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you- no matter how long that is." Vladimir stared at you, sadness in his eyes. "Hey, I'm not the only one." You smiled taking his hand. "Aro is married. Someone stays with him despite the disgusting things he has done." Vladimir pulled you closer to him, your legs across his lap as he turned slightly to look at you. "That kind of love is not something you want." "Hm?" "We know lots of things about the Volturi. We know about their wives. Aro and Sulpicia are hardly a lovely couple." Vladimir explained. "What do you mean?" You asked. "Long ago, to be married to a man was to be owned by them. Sulpicia gave her self to Aro knowing that he was of wealth and power. The gifts he gives her are shiny and catch her eyes, so much that she is willing to overlook anything he does. Sulpicia isn't just Aro's mate, she's his possession. He has her locked in a tower. They might be in love, but it's not the same as falling in love with a person. They fell in love with the lifestyle before they fell in love with the person." "It's hard to believe that kind of love is possible. To be attached to a person for personal gain and still it's deemed love." You said quietly, staring into his eyes. "There are all kinds of love, my dear." Vladimir answered softly. "Is that why you're worried that I'm willing to do this?" You asked. "No. I...you and I have the right kind of love. We are solid but it's because I love you that I can't help but worry about everything you'd have to leave behind for me. No one realises the shock they have to go through until they're feeling it in that moment." "Then we'll take it one day at a time. Do you plan on abandoning me after changing me?" Vladimir's expression changed to one of anger. "Of course not! Why would even think of something like that?" "Then I won't be alone. I'll have you."

As with everything, it took time to really put your words to the test and you couldn't lie to anyone about just how difficult it was to know that the process had already begun. Your family had no idea they'd never see you again, whilst you couldn't forget. It took being informed that you were classified a missing person to really register that this was happening and that your family would never have closure. "Do you need to talk to me?" Vladimir said softly, walking up behind you. “I’m fine.” “That’s a lie.” Vladimir said simply. “We’ve all had to make sacrifices for this life.” “I’m fine, Vladimir!” Vladimir said nothing, staring into your eyes, staring at the tears that had begun to build. Slowly, he moved closer. “Don’t.” You said warily. Yet he continued to walk toward you. “Don’t!” Your voice quivered, this time your tone becoming a plea.

Vladimir pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. Silence filled the room, other than your soft cries that were muffled against him. Quickly, you clung to him, pressing your head further into him. “This pain, it won’t last forever. I apologise for the life you’re leaving behind for me. I can assure you that I will spend every single day ensuring that you won’t regret it.” He pulled you away from him, just enough to wipe your tears with his thumbs. “Now take a deep breath. Get some sleep, you didn’t sleep last night and then we’ll see how you’re feeling later.” You nodded, quietly.

A few hours later, you woke up to Vladimir’s arm around you, a smile pressing against the skin behind your ear before a light cold kiss. You couldn’t help but smile, reaching behind you and eventually settling for running your fingers through his hair. He barely let you turn around in his hold but smiled none the less as his nose brushed against your own.

Soon the feelings had began in build once more. You decided you need to hear one particular person. Someone who knew what you were feeling. Bella answered her phone upon the first ring. Being a vampire she was now quicker at everything and it was bizarre because then you had to get used to her. "Hey." "Hey Bella, can you talk?" You asked. "Yeah, what's up?" She asked. You paused for a moment, collecting your thoughts and that's when Bella caught on something was wrong. You inhaled. "You know, when I was a kid I felt things really deeply. I was one of those kids that couldn't bottle up their emotions but didn't know what to do with them before they got too much. So my mum would come to my level and tell me to blow, to move the hair on the sides of her face. It worked, it calmed me down and distracted me all at the same time. Although, I can't blow on people now that I'm older." Bella chuckled. "I won't tell anyone if you do it through the phone to me." She smiled, looking at the floor, kicking a heel back and forth lightly. "I think I'm regretting my decision to leave my life behind." You admitted. Bella stated quiet, allowing you to continue. "Vladimir is great and I love him to death but, giving up my life for someone in such a way. It's going against everything I was ever taught and..." You trailed off. "...and no one tells you how to do it the right way." Bella finished for you. "I can't help but feel angry towards you because you made it seem so easy." You said quietly. Once again Bella stayed quiet. She wasn't going to be angry with you for your feelings, not when this is what you needed. "I knew this would be hard and painful but now that I'm actually having to do it I...I knew the decision. I knew what had to be done but now that I have to do it..." You trailed off again. "You feel like you didn't know a thing about it." Bella smiled sadly. "I had no idea what I had to do." You shook your head, feeling tears in your eyes. "It's difficult to talk about it, to someone who hasn't experienced it or is so far past it they aren't really recalling the pain. That I'm forcing my family through a terrible loss for my own happiness." "I'm so sorry, (Y/N)." Bella responded with sympathy. It was all she could say because nothing would make it easier for you. Only time.

"Vladimir, you're rushing me!" You finally cried out after what felt like pestering. "Darling, I'm not rushing you. I'm telling you that the world isn't going to wait for you on this. The longer you hesitate the harder it will be!" "I'm not ready!" You argued. "You won't ever be ready, (Y/N)!" Vladimir said firmly. "So you'd rather did this quickly so I can feel trapped by you!?" Vladimir faltered, a flicker of anger in his eyes. "Excuse me?" You paused for a second. "I don't know if I want this anymore." You said weakly, tears building up. "I don't think I can give you what I wanted for the future." Vladimir clenched his jaw but said nothing, instead storming out of the room. You squeezed your eyes shut when you heard the door downstairs slam.

After two hours he came back but he most certainly wasn't calm, judging by the yelling he was doing whilst in conversation with Stefan told you that. You weren't sure if Stefan was trying to settle him or not but bad a feeling that he couldn't even if he wanted to. Vladimir was hurt. Very hurt by your words. That you knew for sure. You couldn't blame him either. You hadn't meant it, you just felt pressured into rushing into it. Even some anger as you knew he was right. You couldn't keep putting off leaving your life behind along with everyone in it. However you were punished for it.

Vladimir wouldn't talk to you properly for three days. He was distant. With each day your heart was heavy, wanting to resolve the issue but he simply wouldn't allow the chance. That was until the third day. "Vladimir, please talk to me." You finally said. Vladimir looked up from his book. "You say that like I haven't spoken to you in some time." He answered. "You haven't. Not really." You retorted and Vladimir didn't respond so you continued. "You give me the minimum. If I need something you help me, you'll give brief answers to anything I say but really you aren't even in the same room as me, Vladimir." You stepped closer. "I want to talk about this. I-I can't do this by myself." After a second Vladimir sighed before closing his book and putting it on the coffee table before standing up. "Very well." "You know, holidays was the only time my family and I could really spend time together." You began. "Throughout the year we'd all be busy but those holidays always guaranteed that from wherever we were in life or the world, we'd come back. My family want to keep close forever, my great-grand-parents had been the ones to really double down on it and our family has been like that ever since. I remember my older cousins were going to college, I was only a kid at the time. All I really knew at the time was that they weren't really around after that. My parents made me promise that is always be around, that they'd never be left wondering where I was and teach the importance of family to my children." You looked down, biting your lip. "It's really hard to think that I won't be around anymore and they'll always wonder why I left." A tear ran down your cheek. Vladimir moved closer, standing before you as you continued. “I'm so angry with myself, for doing this to my family but then I remember that I didn't get that choice. Once I found out what you were, there was no going back." Vladimir nodded, understanding exactly what you were referring to. Vladimir took hold of your arm tugging you closer to him, filling the gap between you both. His grip was a little too firm, making you think he was angry but when he enveloped you against his chest, you knew he was trying to comfort you. "I don't want to be left with nothing. No roots, no family. Nothing." You said quietly. "I know." Vladimir said quietly. "I know how that feels because it was ripped away from me. Growing up is challenging but everyone does it. Eventually everyone leaves the nest. I had a large coven, many I called my brothers and sisters. Stefan and I were two of twelve leaders. It was all ripped away from me and this is all I have left." Vladimir's grip on you tightened. "Although after a long time, I met you. A source of happiness I never thought I could ever find again. I've gained so much with you in my life and I fear that at the end of the day, I won't be able to give you enough to make all of your sacrifices worth it. I am but one person, but I can give you forever. It's not what you planned or wanted but if you want it, it's yours. I'm pulling you into a whole other world and your scared and confused. That's on me. That is my fault. However, try to remember going forward that this is what you chose. This is what you said you wanted." "What if I don't know I want anymore?" You asked quietly. "Well...that is on you." Vladimir responded before softly kissing your forehead.

You had grown distant after that conversation, doing some soul searching and Vladimir could understand it. He respected it, even as a couple of weeks passed with this being the only thing on your mind.

One day, Stefan told him that you were out in the nearest field, looking for him. Vladimir had just returned from hunting and didn't really feel like trailing behind his human companion at that moment. Vladimir gave Stefan a sarcastic remark that you'd certainly not find Vladimir in the field of all places. Although Stefan insisted that Vladimir would want to go to you. It was most definitely worth his while. Vladimir sighed but did so, picking up and following your scent.

"What took you so long!?" You huffed. "You're inhumanly fast, yet I could have ran laps in the time you got here!" Vladimir sighed with an eye roll. "My deepest apologies, my dear. I wasn't aware you were looking for me considering I have just returned from a hunt." In seconds, Vladimir was on a branch of the nearest tree. Vladimir crouched down on the branch, resting his head in one hand, smiling down at you from the tree. It was a smile of pure adoration and a hint of menace. "I couldn't help but think to myself about what we'd have had if we were an ordinary couple." You began before using the empty field to illustrate your vision. "Our dream house where there our front door has a hall that leads to our kitchen and the first door on the left, we'd make an archway for the living room. We'd put the dining room in the corner between the living room and the kitchen. We'd have two bathrooms, upstairs and downstairs that we'd end up hating because we can't stop bickering on who's turn it is to clean them!" Vladimir couldn't help but melt as he listened to you. His eyes softening as he pieced together his own image of your dream, leaning further into his hand. "Our kids would get the larger bedroom. We'd regret that decision since they'll never pay a bill for the house so why should they get the big room?" Vladimir chuckled and so did you before you carried on. "Although then they grow up quicker than we could have ever imagined and even then we keep that room empty because we don't have the heart to move our stuff there all because at the end of the day, that was our babies room." You felt yourself grow emotional, a pang of sadness hitting your chest as the vision seemed to disintegrate around you. "Then I realised, that dream wasn't with you. If you and I were to have kids, we'd never forgive ourselves for the constant running and putting them through that." Vladimir stayed silent, his smile gone but still focused on you. "The person I pictured sharing that dream with, doesn't exist, there was never a face. That person could never give me even half of what you've given me and it's just beginning." You began to smile again, widely, excited at the thought alone before meeting Vladimir's gaze. "Instead of a child, we have Stefan and he'd snap my neck if I ever babied him." Vladimir couldn't help but laugh. "So where's our bedroom?" He asked. "We'd get the biggest one. We find places to store the ridiculous number of books you have that aren't even in English." This time Vladimir laughed. "I don't need that dream, I don't want it without you...and I need you, Vladimir. I'll always need you." You said finally. Vladimir stood before jumping down from the tree and walked briskly towards you.

You continued to wait for a response but instead, Vladimir pulled you close to him pulling you in for a kiss. As soon as he was certain he couldn't pull you in any further, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his free hand holding your face. "How lucky am I to have someone like you?" Vladimir said warmly. "You speak as though loving you isn't the easiest thing in the world sometimes."

#request #twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #vladimir and stefan #the romanians #the romanian coven #one shot #oneshot

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years

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He loves me, he loves me not | Jung Sungchan

❤︎ Sungchan x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff, Smut, ❤︎ 4/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number

One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: The famous Jung Sungchan asked you out in front of his friends out of nowhere and you coldly turned him down but he didn’t take no for an answer. He proved his seriousness to you until you decided to give love a chance and so is Sungchan... but that didn’t take away your doubt. Until an ugly fight almost ruined your relationship.

Word count: 2,835k

Warnings: Unprotected sex, virginity loss, making out, fingering, swearing, self doubt, trust issues, couple fight, shouting at each other, mentions of break up. The smut is avoidable, btw.

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. This is inspired by nothing, haha I just want to write something for him. This is hella short bc I didn’t want to go crazy on my first fic for sungchan haha. But I will def write more for you. Also this is reposted, bc tumblr... -_-

Supposedly for KPOPSCAPE’s Love Fools but I want to finish my Boys Don’t Cry Series already :(( huhu

Jung Sungchan is like a perfect movie. Not because it’s where you first met, but because he’s too good to be true.

Captain of the soccer team, lead the team to championships basically his whole high school life, smart, very creative, gentleman, and every girl’s dream guy.

That’s why when he asked you out, you thought it’s some kind of a joke that you turned him down right then and there in front of his friends. Even though he looked harmless and he asked you politely, still, he’s Jung Sungchan. Why would he waste his time on you?

But just like a good movie, Jung Sungchan is surprising.

After you turned him down and set your mind on the quiz you’re about to take in ten minutes, he grabbed you by the wrist and did not take no for an answer.

“Okay fine, I completely understand you. Don’t say ‘no’ too soon, and let me earn your time” he said with a desperate tone and hopeful eyes and finally lets go of your hand.

“I have no idea what you’re up to Sungchan, but fine. I-I have to go to class” you said and walked as fast as you could to your next class.

On the following days that soon became weeks, Sungchan proved that he’s serious and showed it to you through pursuing you without giving you pressure, tagging along with you and your friends and instantly creating your own world together, and remind you about his intentions to you almost every day.

Eventually, after many weeks of trying, you became friends that are comfortable enough with each other. Though he’s bold with his actions and words while you continue to convince yourself that Sungchan is serious, “Just... go with it for now. I’ll wait for you to get used to us, I got all the time in the world” he says, putting strands of hair behind your ear while looking at you lovingly. He never fails to make you feel shy and secure at the same time.

“Tomorrow is a big day for me,” he breathes in deeply before he finishes his sentence and makes a big request, “I would like you to come watch me play, but only if you’re comfortable of course. If not, then at least call me after the game-“

“No no. I’ll watch you. I’ll cheer for you, wouldn’t want to miss seeing you win... again” you said and let out a shy giggle. Sungchan never asked you for anything, and you think watching his game is a good way to return the favor.

“So... you watch me play, huh?” he smirked and swing an arm on your shoulders as you walk closely together towards the field.

And just like a good movie, Jung Sungchan is not perfect. Good, but not perfect.

Sungchan and his team lost the game.

You wish you could do something to cheer him up and turn this night around for him but you’ve never seen him like this and quite frankly you don’t know what to do.

He stopped looking at the crowd and stopped smiling at you the moment they started to lose. You saw him get irritated in the field, scream and shout at his teammates, get scolded by their coach. It must be really hard for him and his team.

After the game, you waited for him to come out of the men’s locker room but you were told that he’s really disappointed in himself right now and it might take some time. “If you want, you can go inside. I know you two are not yet together but, comfort him. He needs you” Shotaro said, pats your back, and said goodbye.

Of course, you went in even though you’re not sure what exactly to tell him. But when you saw him sitting on the bench with his head down, your heart ached in an instant and suddenly you know what to do.

“Hey” you greet him quietly.

“Hey- I was just about to meet you, sorry” he flashed a smile like he didn’t look so hurt just a few seconds ago. Now you don’t know if he’s actually happy to see you or he’s faking a smile.

“You know, if we’re going to be together we should start showing different sides of ourselves and start trusting each other. Right?” You said and sat beside him.

What you said made him happy sincerely but the weight of losing tonight is just too much at the moment. So he told you the truth, “I’m a failure” he says and covered his face, trying to hide his frustrations.

“You’re not. Losing tonight doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Losing is part of the game that you love to play so much. And I think you’re not going to stop playing just because there’s a chance of losing” you soothe his back and massaged his shoulders.

You and Sungchan talked for some time in the locker room. He told you what he was thinking and feeling while he was on the field with a losing score, everyone was frustrated, and “suddenly I can't hear the cheers anymore and my worries are eating me up and ruining my game” he says almost in tears again.

And after that heart-to-heart talk in the locker room, he brought you home safely and thanked you for being the only good thing that existed tonight. He undid his seatbelt and reached for your hand to kiss it. He kissed you there because he knew you wouldn’t let him kiss you. Not yet at least.

But he’s wrong. You undid your seatbelt too, reached for his face, and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “Good night,” you told him and kissed him again before you get out of his car.

After that life changing kiss, just like a good movie, Jung Sungchan is charming, tender, powerful, hilarious, silly, and dramatic.

Your life changed when you started dating Sungchan, but still, you doubt him about his feelings for you.

Nonetheless, you enjoy the relationship. Slowly you become bold and confident with your actions towards him. You’re not afraid to show him that you care, you show him how much he makes you happy, you don’t lie to him whenever you get disappointed with something he did, and sometimes if things heat up quickly, you two fight like there’s no tomorrow.

And just like a normal person, Sungchan changed. Though you saw it coming already because nothing is constant in this world, still it hurt you. You miss the old him and because of that, your doubt about his feelings for you grew and grew until you can’t take it anymore and you decided to break up with him.

“What happened to showing different sides of ourselves and start trusting each other, Y/n? Okay fine, I admit it, I changed. But I have a reason for that and not because I don’t love you. What were you thinking?” He asked sternly, gripping the stirring wheel hard as he drives you home. You didn’t answer his question so it was quiet the whole time until he reaches your house. And the moment he stopped the car, you gathered your stuff and did not want the night to be longer than it already is... but of course, Sungchan will not let you.

He locked the doors of his car before you could even get out. Which made you angry instantly. “I’m not letting you break up with me” he said calmly while you’re anger add up every second.

“I’m not taking it back. My decision is final” you said, covering your face so he won’t see you cry. Leaning forward towards the dashboard and massaging your forehead.

“Why do you doubt my feelings for you? What else do you want me to do? I changed because I can feel that you’re not happy anymore with what we have, so I distanced myself from you to give you space. But I never even once thought of breaking up with you, I want to try and I hope you do too! That’s how much I love you. What did I ever do in the first place to make you doubt me like this, huh?”

“Well then everything’s clear!”

“What is?!”

“Maybe I don’t really love you and that maybe what I feel for you is the problem, not you!” Lie.

“Psh. You’re just telling me that because you’re mad right now!” but it did hurt him that he’s is close to tears.

It turned silent again for a couple of minutes. Maybe it’s his way to stop you both from shouting at each other. He turned his body closer to you and reached for your hand.

“Just don’t break up with me tonight. I'm sorry we shouted at each other,” he pulled you close and kissed your temple, “I just- don’t know what else to do to prove my love to you and you may not see it but I’m scared to the bone. I'm scared of losing you”

After hearing those sincere words without doubting him for the first time, you accepted his apology and said your sorry to him too. “I didn’t mean what I said, I’m sorry," you said and wiped his tears away.

Thankfully the night ended peacefully with long kisses and tight hugs before he walks you to your front door.

Just like a good movie, Jung Sungchan is the greatest plot twist of your life.

After graduating high school, you and Sungchan spend your remaining time together over the summer before you part ways for college. Now that you’re about to face long distance relationship, you both feel stupid about the fights that you had during the earlier days of your relationship.

“I should’ve kissed you longer than usual and told you I love you instead of screaming at you, you know?” He says while playing with your fingers.

Today is one of those days where you and Sungchan sit at the top of his car, your back against his chest and you in between his long legs while watching the sun go down and watch the city lights.

“Then say it now” you said, turning your head on the side and cup his face.

“I love you” he said and planted a soft kiss on your lips, “and don’t you dare doubt it this time-“ he says and tickled your sides to make you giggle.

When you two arrived at your house with a box of pizza for dinner, your mom texted you last minute that they will be out will probably be home very late. Great you murmured because you don’t want Sungchan to go home just yet.

“They’re out and probably will be back by midnight. Can you stay a little longer?” You pout but your boyfriend kissed it away.

“Of course,” he said and smiled at you.

And after a few minutes of flirting while eating pizza, you two decided that you’re not hungry anymore and proceed to make out in your room already to maximize your time of being alone together. Giggling and touching each other wherever you want while your lips touch and kiss each other deeper. Making little sounds just for the two of you, whispering sweet nothings, and listening to what each other wants.

Sungchan removed his hoodie because he’s starting to sweat like crazy, but you sat up and asked for more. Slipping your hands inside his shirt and kissing him as you remove it and throw it away. Still surprised at your recent move, your boyfriend let out a small laugh and reach for your chin as he returns your kisses. “Why are you just showing me this side of you now?” He said and pushed you back on the mattress and quickly removed your shorts and spread your legs so he could lie on top of you while in between your thighs.

Slowly he raises your shirt which you get rid of immediately while he kisses you from your lower abdomen and all the way up until he reaches the valley between your boobs and unclasps your bra effortlessly.

This is his first time seeing you very much exposed for him. And he loves it. So without warning, he sucked your nipples and made you arched your back and ask more. Nibbling and pinching your now swollen nipples, licking and biting your boobs, and covering it with spit. Oh you love what he’s doing.

“One more item of clothing left for the both of us, if I remove yours I’m afraid I can’t control myself” he whispers beside your ear and went back to kissing your lips.

“Let’s do it then,” you said in between kisses, swinging your arms around his neck and moving your hips to show him how eager you are. In return, he put his thumb on your damped panties and draw circles on your clit before he removes it finally.

“I’m so hard right now,” he went back in between your spread legs, kissing you with want while his fingers play with your slit. He touched you hundreds of times already but every time his fingers made contact on your pussy, it feels like the first time again.

“You too, not fair” you whine, slipping your hand inside his underwear and feeling the smoothness of his butt while biting your lips. Of course he gave your request immediately, pulled away from your body and exposed himself to you for the first time.

Knelling in between your spread legs, he pumped his cock while looking at your virgin tight hole and diving into lust even more. He checked your slit if you’re wet enough for him, yes. He asked you if it’s okay to fuck you raw for the first time, yes.

“This will feel goo- ah, fuck” he moaned out when he slides his cock on your wet slit for the first time, feeling the rawness of the activity you’re about to do.

“Keep doing that, fuck it feels good” you said while watching his cock slide up and down your slit and sometimes poking your hole which makes you jolt and giggle. And when he accidentally poked your hole and pushed his entire head, you told him, “Don’t pull away-“ you hiss and finally feel a small stretch from his cock, and as he slowly pushes in, the stretch becomes even more intense that you had to stop him from time to time before he continues to push in.

When he finally rolled his hips slowly, you’re suddenly out of breath and you feel so full. All you can do is grip his arm to show him how good he makes you feel, try not to close your legs whenever he hits a spot, and kiss his lips until the stretch is replaced by pleasure.

“This is what we’ve been missing the whole time- oh!” He said, grunting and moaning so good while fucking you at a slightly faster pace than earlier. Bodies away from each other, both of his hands are gripping your waist while watching your boobs bounce up and down, and of course watching his cock go inside your pussy.

You reach for your clit too and tried stimulating yourself because you’re so near but your boyfriend removed your hand and replaced it with his and suddenly your moans became higher and you’re gripping the sheets so hard.

“C-cuming” you tried telling him but too late, your legs are shaking and so is your whole body, you tried curling yourself but you can’t because your boyfriend is still fucking you. Harder this time.

And right before he hits his high, he pulled away and pumped his cock away from you and took care of his own mess. While you, on the other hand, can finally curl and catch your breath while you wait for your boyfriend to come join you again.

“You okay?” He asks, cleaning your sensitive pussy with a damped towel and helped you wear a clean underwear. “There, so I won't ask for round two” he said and kissed you on the cheek before he joins you under the covers.

“Do you know what I was thinking while we were at it?” He asked, you came closer to him and started kissing him softly. Waiting for him to tell you something sexy, or dirty.

But

“You’re worth the wait, and I’m definitely happy that I didn’t let you break up with me” you stopped kissing him. You didn’t expect he’d say something serious and sweet after fucking your brains out for the first time. “We both know you’re not easy. I’m glad we chose to love each other” now he’s the one who initiated the kiss.

Soft. Cotton-like kiss.

“Now, I feel bad I gave you a hard time” you said in between kissing. “You do love me so much” you added, he chuckled.

“Again, now that you believe that I love you. It’s all worth it”

#nct-writers #neosmutcollective #kpopscape #kdiner #kwritersworldnet #nct smut #sungchan smut #sungchan fic #nct sungchan smut #nct sungchan #sungchan #sungchan x reader #nct x reader #sungchan fluff #nct sungchan x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct #nct 2020

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worldmoth · 3 years

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Let’s talk about the neurodivergent coding in Sk8 the Infinity

First off:

EVERYONES EXPERIENCE WITH NEURODIVERSITY IS DIFFERENT

i personally have been diagnosed with ADHD and i plan to get screened for autism

All of the information about these disorders come from my own experience and the experiences of people I know, so please take it all at face value

Also Sk8 spoilers, obviously

ADHD coding in Kyan Reki

Reki tends to show the more hyperactive side of ADHD

He often shows that he has a lot of energy and it is quite apparent that he hyperfixates on skateboarding and more specifically on making skateboards.

We get the information that Reki has joined and left a skating gang before he really became acquainted with S. He left this gang because he felt that the others in the gang did not share his true passion and love for skating. It shows that even when in a group that supposedly has th same collective interest as Reki, that he still likes it much more than the others.

In the first episode we see Reki trying to talk about skating with some of his peers, but they just turn away. Reki’s reaction does remind me of when people are trying to talk about their special interests and get shut down. You can see that he was very exited that someone took an interest in what he was doing and was exited to talk about it.

This isn’t just shown here though! Reki has a theme of getting seriously passionate when he talks about skating or making skateboards. In episode 2, after he had Langa were watching skating videos and Langa was staring to talk about how amazing skateboarding is Reki stated feeling a sense of companionship over shared interests (this scene is literally so cute)

I really see my own symptoms in Reki around episode 7 when he starts realizing that he and Langa were “not a good match anymore” (completely heart shattering by the way, ouch)

I find that I relate to how Reki could jut be proud of Langa for so long until someone else had to make a big deal out of it. To me it seems that Reki mood takes a large swing at this time that reveals a few symptoms of what could easily be some underlying depression. He continues to hav thesemood swings later on, where he cant help but be proud of Langa because he thought him to skate in the first place, but it also hurts that Langa could be leaving him behind.

When Reki and Langa make up, it is a lot of Langa reassuring Reki that he still skates because it is fun and he is passionate about it. I believe this helps Reki forgive him because deep down he was afraid that Langa was losing passion as he got better just like Miya did.

Speaking of Miya, Reki’s reckless decision making doesn’t show up often, but when he stood up for Miya by going into a beef without Adam (with the prize being Langa???!!?) is a key example. He refused to back down despite everyone telling him that he should. Even Miya repeatedly asked Reki to back out but he did not.

Also: The wiki describes him as scatterbrained?!?

Autism coding in Hasegawa Langa

In my opinion, the ASD (autism spectrum disorder) coding in Langa is more prominent than the ADHD coding in Reki, though possibly harder to recognize.

In episode 11, while Reki and Langa are looking at the broken skateboard, Langa crouches down, as that is the way he feels more comfortable discussing how he feels. I took this as Langa trying to make himself smaller because the information he was about to share felt overwhelming.

With this scene you can see how Reki crouched down with Langa instead of trying to get Langa to stand. It is obvious that the ADHD and autism friendship dynamic works well for them. (its cute as hell too. look at them, caring for each other.)

Like with ADHD, one of the symptoms of autism is reckless decision making, which is quite repetitive for Langa throughout the series. He chooses to beef with Adam (more than once) despite knowing that it is dangerous. He preforms risky tricks and maneuvers, even though everyone warned him against it. He does not usually think about his own safety while skating.

Also, like ADHD, ASD can cause fixations, commonly known as special interests. We know that Langa has always loved snowboarding (ever since he was two) and that he stopped when his father died. when he comes to Japan and starts skateboarding he starts to fixate on it like he fixated n skateboarding before. He gets to have the same sensation and passion without all the painful memories.

This one is lesser, but I think that Langa’s (kinda terrible) handwriting could be showing a sort of learning disability?

In the later episodes, where Reki is sad and feels like he is getting left behind, Langa has trouble understanding what is wrong. It is really hard for him to process Reki’s emotions.

Langa continuously shows examples of not being good with people and not wanting to be. His stats on the wiki tell us that he is bad with communicating, as well as being very reticent.

ADHD Reki and ASD Langa fic recs

Here are my very favorite fanfictions with ADHD Reki and ASD Langa

Your Name on Repeat by ImPanDuh Ao3

In which Langa has echolalia with Reki’s name (so cute guys i cant take it)

One of Those Days by ImPanDuh Ao3

In which Langa is having a bad day so Reki comes to comfort him (I’ve been thinking about this one nonstop for days)

I Will Always Be There For You by DazzalingDazai Ao3

In which Langa has a sensory overload and Reki is there to comfort him (they are so in love)

Catching Butterflies by carboncerulean Ao3

In which Reki has not had a lot of friends and is falling in love with Langa (my heart!)

The Sleepover by xworldofartemisx Ao3

In which Langa sleeps over and Reki is so in love (it’s so sweet i swear)

I Fell For You (Boy You’re So Screwed) by yuki (kinnienextdoor) Ao3

Renga arcade date (they are so cute)

If i ever write a Renga fic it will have ADHD Reki and ASD Langa :)

#Sk8 the infinity #sk8 #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #Reki has ADHD #Langa has autism #i will die on this hill #should i share my nd headcanons for the other characters?

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rosalielesbianhale · 4 years

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The human Jacob AU that no one asked for but I can’t stop thinking about

° The books are the same up to the movie theatre with Mike and Jake (except there are no mentions of Sam’s “gang” because it isn’t a thing, Embry is still hanging out with Jacob and Quil, Jake isn’t afraid he’s next)

° Jacob and Bella have a little laugh at Mike’s expense but make sure he gets home safe.

° Jacob doesn’t get “mono” and drop off the face of the earth, he and Bella just keep getting closer.

° and so, Jacob is with her when she find the meadow and Laurent finds her

° in my version of events Laurent did not decide to suddenly side with Victoria because that makes absolutely no sense. He had no trouble ditching her and James in the first book and has supposedly found a partner in Irina who is friends with the Cullens so why would he be doing Victoria a favour and scouting the area?? make it make sense.

° no, instead, Victoria located him and started asking questions about the Cullens and he, trying to dissuade her from going against them, tells her what he’s learned about them since coming to stay with the Denalis. Alice’s visions, Edward’s mind reading, he lets it all slip in the ernest belief she’ll decide it isn’t worth going after Bella, after all evasion is her heightened power; she should cut her losses and run.

° after talking to Victoria, Laurent decides to warn the Cullens, he has a bad feeling after their talk and suspects she won’t give up so easily.

° he finds the house empty which is peculiar, they seemed so invested in this little human and who do you think he runs across in the meadow but that very human accompanied by a friend.

° he tells her about his talk with Victoria but there is a menacing undertone to everything he says. He is trying not to kill humans for Irena’s sake but as his eyes can attest to, he’s had some slip ups, and, really, she does smell delicious. If she is no longer under the Cullen’s protection then there would really be very little harm in draining her and there’s only one witness to take care off. It might even be a mercy because if Victoria gets her hands on her she would not make it quick, he’d do it as painlessly as possible.

° all of this is said aloud because the reader has no insight into Laurent’s mind otherwise and he seems like a person who’s inclined to give the occasional monologue

° he tells her to run, before he changes his mind

° meanwhile, Jacob is freaking the fuck out. As soon as they reach the road Bella guns it for her truck while Jacob just keeps up a continuous stream of “what the fuck. what the fuck. what the actual fuck. they’re actually fucking vampires? what the fuck. oh, god, dad was right. What The Fuck.”

° after that the whole story comes out, how Jacob was actually the person who helped her figure it out, how she had envisioned spending eternity with Edward and how, now that he’s gone, she hasn’t just been robbed of the person she loves but of what she had come to accept as her future. She has never been able to confide in anyone about the whole story so she tells him everything, right down to what actually happened when she got injured in Phoenix. It’s not like they’re coming back, it doesn’t matter if she tells Jacob.

° Jacob is understandably on overload, Bella drives him home and he says he needs some time.

° this is when Bella starts trying to reach Jacob but he’s unreachable. He’s processing a tremendous amount of information and needs some time away from the madness of Bella’s life.

° Bella starts to get restless. Jacob isn’t talking to her, she feels isolated and she needs to see Edward. She jumps off the cliff.

° I kind of want Sam to be the one who sees her jump and who fishes her out of the water tbh. He doesn’t have Charlie’s number so he calls Jacob’s house.

° Jacob promptly freaks out.

° he brings Bella home, Harry Clearwater has had a heart attack.

° Jacob is frightened for Bella after her jump but he also needs to be there for his dad right now and Seth is so young, Leah seems different after she lost her dad too. He needs to be there for them.

° There’s also the fact that the girl he’s in love with is in love with a vampire but staying away from Bella did not give him the clarity he’d hoped for. It’s still a mess.

° Alice arrives, she doesn’t need blind spots in her visions to go and knock some sense into Bella. Yes, she’s alive this time but she saw her voluntarily jump off a cliff into a raging ocean. Before she left she was a mess talking about how Bella tried to commit suicide and she had to go ensure she wouldn’t attempt it a second time.

° When Jacob rolls up to the house and sees Alice there it feels as though his insides have turned to ice. Are they all back? Is he losing Bella before he ever really got to tell her how he feels?

° Alice leaves to let Bella explain the situation. She tells him only Alice is back and why she came to visit.

° Jacob is a mess, this whole thing is a mess, but he’s left with the feeling that he had when he saw Alice was there. He needs to tell Bella how he feels.

° They have the almost kiss in the kitchen. Jacob is still dumb enough to answer the phone in someone else’s house, he still tells Edward that Charlie’s at the funeral.

° Alice returns, frantic. They have to leave for Volterra. However, Jacob doesn’t basically beg Bella to let Edward kill himself and stay with him. Once he understands that Bella is serious and Edward literally is going to try to get himself killed because he thinks Bella is dead he understands that the only way she can live with herself is if she tries everything she can to stop him from succeeding.

° Instead he is the voice of reason: “Bella, listen to me, Charlie is about to come home to an empty house after burying one of his best friends. He will be beside himself with worry and this note is bullshit, you’re a horrible liar. Tell him you’re staying with Alice tonight because you’re going to Seattle together in the morning, there’s a sale or some shit that she wants to drag you to. Tomorrow night you call him and tell him your car broke down, you have to stay in Seattle while they order the parts for you. It might be a few days. That’ll buy you some time.”

° “And call me when you land or, I don’t know, I might worry too.”

° It feels like tearing his own heart out but he lets her go. He doesn’t beg her to stay.

° The events at Volterra play out the same way they did but Charlie isn’t left to deal with the same amount of shit he was in the original.

° When they return Jacob comes to visit her, she fills him in and, let me tell you, he has a few things to say.

° “I can’t believe you’re just going to get back together with him. Bella he lied to you, manipulated you and left you. His sister can see the god damn future, if you think he didn’t know how this would affect you then you’re wrong. And he still did it. Maybe he’s telling you the truth and he did it because he thought it would be better for you in the long run but he made that decision without you. If you just take him back then you are essentially telling him that was an okay thing for him to do and it just wasn’t.”

° Jacob is so angry at the Cullens and really, what he’s saying isn’t wrong. The angrier he gets the more Bella can feel her own anger flaring to life, it had been buried under the sheer relief of finding Edward alive, the euphoria of being told that he still loves her. Now she feels indignant; how dare he just make this decision for her, how dare he not take into account her own feelings on the matter, how dare he prioritise his own concerns over hers, and how dare the entire family just go along with it. They all left her.

° She drives herself over to the Cullen’s house to have a talk with them. The vote stays the same, the “if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not” part definitely stays in. However, Bella, after having taken the vote has a few choice words for all of them. “You all left me. I have spent months trying to learn to survive without you and it didn’t go all that well. I want to join you, I really do. But I don’t trust you anymore. You all made an enormous decision for me, without my say so. You’ve now made another decision that I was a part of and even though we don’t all agree, we all got a say. It’s going to take time for me to learn to trust you again, in the meantime all I have to say is this: you will never make a decision regarding me without my input again. Never.”

° She also talks to Alice separately, discounting Edward she feels the most hurt by the fact that she would have left her.

° Since Jacob is now the only person outside of the Cullens who she can actually talk to about her life, she tells him about her talk with them, including the vote.

° Jacob has an understandable freakout regarding the fact that Bella has definitively chosen to become a vampire. This is definitely not what he’d thought would happen after he and Bella had their last talk. And because he’s an impulsive teenager he brings Charlie the motorcycle, hoping that Bella will be grounded and get some distance from Edward and maybe even change her mind.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding the continuation of the series but it’s already a mammoth post so idk, i might do a separate post about Eclipse at some point.

#my shit #new moon #jake #jacob black #pbm #twilight #twilight renaissance #nm #long post

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renegadewangs · 3 years

Text

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 4

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

It’s time to take a close look at Episode 2 of the second game, The Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro!

Episode 2-2: The Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro

Remember how in the last episode we vaguely got Barok on our side near the end of the trial by proving Mrs. Garrideb was actually involved in the crime? … Yeah. Forget that progress. It's being undone. Case 2-2 is the first case of the second game which features Barok, which unfortunately means he needs to be 'reintroduced' to the audience and it takes him back several steps in his growth. It makes sense, I suppose, it would've been weird starting a new game with him already being lightly on Ryu's side. Even so, it's a bit insulting how this case acts as if the chronologically previous one accomplished nothing.

So anyway, this case flashbacks to something which supposedly happened right after the first game's fourth case. The day after Soseki's acquittal, even. Turns out, Soseki awoke to find one of the other tenants in his building dead and asked Ryu for help, but (S)Holmes tagged along. Gregson is at the crime scene, keeping an eye on the place and on Soseki in particular since he's suspicious. (Sure, Gregson. Sure. Has nothing to do with the Reaper's curse, probably.) After some investigation with (S)Holmes, Gregson has enough evidence to actually arrest Soseki, which definitely feels like a step backwards. A bit later, it turns out the victim is Not Actually Dead Yet. Again! The Great Ace Attorney really enjoys throwing us for a loop by pretending we're in for another murder case.

Anyway, during the course of the investigation, I found two mentions of Van Zieks. The first is when you investigate the broken glasses and bottles in the victim's room. Susato is immediately reminded of Lord van Zieks.

And when examining Garrideb's old army uniform, Susato points out it might suit Lord van Zieks.

Haha, as if his usual outfit isn't ostentatious enough already. So we learn that Susato doesn't have a very high opinion of him at all, and I should hope it's not still related to that time he called detective novels pathetic. It's fun of them to refer to him in an investigation that he's not involved in in any way, especially when they don't know yet that he's the prosecution again.

Speaking to Soseki in the gaol, we're once again told that he's had a dreadful time in England so far. He sees foreigners everywhere and he's sure they're all laughing at him. He's been so on edge the past year that he's moved 'more times than he can remember'. So once again, we're reminded that racial prejudice in 1900s England is a focal point of this game's story. Once the conversation is over, Gregson appears to let the gang know that the victim has regained consciousness and is accusing Soseki of poisoning him. We're going to trial for an attempted murder charge, y'all!

The next day, in the defendant's lobby, Susato comes bursting in with the dreadful news that Barok van Zieks has once again taken on the prosecution. It's definitely safe to assume now that either Ryu or Soseki is the reason he's taking on these not-really-murder trials when he normally wouldn't. As I mentioned before, this is his reintroduction in the second game and so the game feels compelled to remind the player of what went down in case 1-4:

He sure did! The game also once again reminds us what the Reaper's Curse entails, and that perhaps that's the reason why Soseki is on trial yet again. He's doomed, perhaps. Susato also informs us that (S)Holmes is running late, just as he was two days ago, and Ryu thinks that's a good thing because if the Great Detective were there, Ryu might come to rely on his help.

… I suppose? He already relies on Susato for help and I feel like that would warrant far more 'preying' from Van Zieks than relying on a male, adult British detective for help. Though knowing (S)Holmes, he'd end up stealing the show and taking the words from Ryu's mouth, but that doesn't seem to be what Ryu's worried about here. I suppose the main point to take away from this remark is that Ryu wants to do as much as he can by himself. He wants to appear strong in front of Van Zieks to avoid presenting an easy target, and I think this might actually be the first time we see a sentiment like that from him. Is he afraid of Van Zieks? Does he actually care about the man's opinion? Anyway, he swears to show Van Zieks what a Japanese lawyer can do.

Inside the courtroom, Van Zieks does the usual prosecutor spiel about how the defense needs to be ready for defeat. Ryu thinks to himself that Van Zieks has a particular animosity towards Japanese people for some reason.

Good thing we got a second game in the series, eh? So because the defendant was on trial only two days ago, the same jurors were chosen where possible. The only juror not returning is Mrs. Garrideb, who's too busy being in prison. Her spot is now taken by a very fancy lady we later learn to be the wife of the Altamont Gas Company's owner. She may as well be the CEO herself with how she's acting, though. Anyway, Van Zieks addresses the jurors directly.

“However, the innocent verdict afforded to this eccentric Nipponese before... has had dire consequences. Did the accused repent for his wrongdoing in that affair? Far from it. Instead, he used his freedom to perpetrate a most blood-curdling crime!”

Van Zieks makes record time by taking off his cloak immediately after this line. He's gone straight into overdrive. The witnesses summoned this time are Inspector Gregson and... Soseki? It's very irregular for the defendant to be testifying, especially this early in the trial and especially by the prosecution's request. I can't really make much of it. It feels like the only reason Soseki is testifying is for this joke:

Also found when examining the testimony is a remark from Van Zieks that I honestly found shocking in how ferocious and scummy it is.

Unnecessary, that remark. It didn't need to exist at all in my opinion. So after Ryu shatters the testimony and scatters Gregson's fish 'n chips, Van Zieks calmly pours himself a glass of wine. I have to be honest, by now whenever he does this I'm left wondering what he'll do next. Will he crush the chalice? Will he throw it? Will he actually take a sip? The versatility of the action and unpredictable nature of Van Zieks add a bit of suspense. Turns out, his mind wandered during the testimony.

And then he ends up crushing the glass in his hand anyway. Alas, poor chalice. We knew it. So after a bit of debating back and forth about whether Shamspeare drank the supposedly-poisoned-tea after Soseki left the room, Van Zieks suddenly falls silent. We get three different, consecutive frames of him going “......” and when the judge asks what's wrong, he says this:

Supersonic hearing, this one. That is, unless the carriage entered the courthouse and literally pulled up in the hallway outside the room? Haven't we learned our lesson from the last time a carriage was driven into the Old Bailey?! So Shamspeare was apparently subpoenaed by the prosecution and has shown up to testify (with his doctor's permission). Bad news for us, since he's the one accusing Soseki in the first place. There's also a second witness to support Shamspeare's insistence there were no other visitors to the room and therefore only Soseki could have poisoned him. After that testimony is over, Van Zieks gets his wish and all the jurors vote guilty.

Van Zieks really seems to think that Soseki is a terrible person deserving of justice, huh? He was right there during the previous trial, saw Ryu prove without a shadow of a doubt that Soseki was innocent and still insists that justice will be done “this time”. Calm the heck down man, you're the one who sided with us when Mrs. Garrideb needed to testify, remember? And here comes another example of the game pretending the previous trials didn't leave an impact; when the Summation Examination is brought up, it's with disdain and this remark:

Bro, we used the Summation Examination successfully like five times already. Sit your butt down and watch the show. The jurors once again give prejudiced reasons for their decisions:

And unfortunately, instead of changing their minds by proving Soseki is a morally upstanding, innocent citizen, Ryu instead gets through this Summation Examination by basically proving Shamspeare is a worse person than Soseki. That's... not the direction you should be taking here, narrative. After convincing four of the jurors that Shamspeare is a fishy liar, Van Zieks flings another chalice of wine in frustration. The judge still thinks he could technically pass a ruling on the trial, since the new information didn't exactly disprove that Soseki is the culprit, but the jurors have been influenced so thoroughly that they can't let this new info go ignored. Testimony from the Altamont Company is allowed! Van Zieks thinks it's a waste of time, of course, and if this were reality it would be. Since it's an Ace Attorney game, we know Shamspeare's gas thievery is bound to somehow be related to the incident. Van Zieks flings yet another chalice after hearing the testimony (how many has it been already? Five?) and very shortly after, he tosses the entire bottle over his shoulder. Susato points out that he seems to be in a violent mood. I feel like someone must've pissed in his oatmeal that morning, because I've got no real explanation for why his character regressed this badly in the course of what chronologically was only two days.

Van Zieks flings two more chalices as the testimony progresses to prove that Shamspeare made fake coins to fool the gas meter. At the end of it all, he supposedly 'throws his hand up in despair and happened to catch his hallowed bottle along the way', flinging yet another one of those into the gallery. I'm starting to feel very bad for the people seated behind him now. Is the game overdoing these quirky animations to compensate for his regressed attitude? Because I'm not sure it's working... Van Zieks continues to insist that the situation hasn't changed and only Soseki could have poisoned the victim, so he calls for immediate adjucation. The game gives Ryu the option to either object or wait and see, and I have to be honest, this gave me pause. After what happened with the penalties in case 1-4, I was sure Van Zieks might dish out more punishment for waiting and seeing. Turns out, he doesn't. Ryu points out that Shamspeare likely used the tea to make these fake frozen coins of his, meaning there's still tea left at the scene of the crime which can be tested for poison.

Head in my hands right now. Again, I get it, they basically had to reintroduce Van Zieks to newcomers of the game (however few there might've been) so they had to regress him a bit, but I really don't like this. He honestly felt like he'd grown at the end of 1-4 and the game's not only undone it, it feels like they've made him even more of a scumbag. This line and this gesture honestly doesn’t quite correspond with the character established in the previous game. Anyway, court adjourned till the next day so the police can test the tea for poison.

During the investigation segment, we get a conversation that I'd quite honestly forgotten even exists. Turns out, (S)Holmes and Van Zieks are acquainted! ...or are they? (S)Holmes says he 'must pass the time of day with Mr. Reaper again, as it's been too long' and when asked whether they're acquainted, (S)Holmes replies that there isn't a person in the world who doesn't know his name, expertly dodging the question. Naturally, a new conversation topic opens up about it, so we can still attempt to needle more details out of him.

He explains the history of the Reaper's curse a bit more. Previous defendants found not-guilty would 'disappear from the capital' by falling under a passing carriage, drowning in the Thames, succumbing to a sudden fever... Etc. Susato points out that if those rumors are true, then surely the obvious conclusion would be that they were killed by Van Zieks's own hand. (S)Holmes points out that's impossible, since Van Zieks was already investigated on the matter before and for every single incident, he had a solid alibi. (This... doesn't disprove Van Zieks had anything to do with it, but okay (S)Holmes. Sure.) (S)Holmes also rubs it in yet again that Van Zieks retired from the courts five years ago and didn't return until the day Naruhodo arrived. I honestly don't know why they keep bringing that 5 year hiatus up in every single case, because as far as I can recall it was never fully explained or relevant.

I love how “foul smell” is wedged in-between those two topics as if it's also related. Anyway the conversation continues when Ryu brings up that Van Zieks seems to have a particular disdain for Japanese people. Susato demands to know whether (S)Holmes knows a bit more about it and while he's silent at first, he relents and tells us a tale (which will apparently be forgotten by Ryu and Susato in case 1-5). Van Zieks “chose to enter the legal profession ten years ago, but before that time, the man's closest companion hailed from the empire of Japan”. Which is a wording that baffles me, because it implies that Van Zieks chose to enter the legal profession at the same moment that Japanese person betrayed him, which we know is not the case. He was already in training to be a prosecutor before that, otherwise how could he possibly have prosecuted the Professor trial? Ryu is shocked and asks to know more, but (S)Holmes says the veil on the events from the past will be lifted soon enough. I'll get back to the implications of what this means for Van Zieks's backstory when we hit this exact same reveal in case 1-5.

Van Zieks is mentioned very little in the rest of the investigation segments. We only learn that he tasked Gregson with finding new clues, much to Gregson's dismay, as there isn't much to be found. The Inspector does immediately leap at new information when we uncover it, which implies he's eager to either please Van Zieks or avoid being scolded by him. I'm assuming the latter, but it's also possible Gregson feels guilty over the whole Reaper thing and Klint's autopsy, and is now compensating by working his hardest to fulfill Van Zieks's requests.

At the very end of the investigation, when evening falls, (S)Holmes reminds us that “it'll be hard to escape the grip of our friend, Mr. Reaper”. The next day, in the defendant's lobby just before the trial begins, Ryu thinks to himself that he doesn't believe in the legend of the Reaper any more than he believes in the convict's curse Soseki keeps mentioning. What's interesting here is that Ryu isn't dreading the confrontation anymore. After the McGilded trial he seemed genuinely intimidated by the concept of going up against Van Zieks (not because of the racism but because of what happened to his first defendant), but now he's not so hesitant anymore. He's beginning to see that Van Zieks can be defeated, that the Reaper thing is nonsense and that protecting his client is a fight worth fighting.

Into the courtroom we go for day 2 of the trial! When the judge asks about the results of the tea test, Van Zieks is silent for a moment. He pours himself a glass of wine, asking for a moment to “savour a liquid of a more sanguine hue”, then refers to Gregson for the full report. Gregson confirms no poison was found in the tea remains, but the prosecution wouldn't be the prosecution (and the game would be pretty boring) if they didn't have a backup plan. When Ryu proclaims Soseki is innocent, Van Zieks accuses him of jumping to conclusions, “a typical Nipponese reaction”. It's also a typical prosecution reaction to be hypocritical, no surprises here. He throws his chalice (first one of the day) and summons Shamspeare back to the stand to testify about how Soseki's unpoisoned and undrank cup of tea had been used to make the ice coins.

There's some lines here that I thought I might as well include:

“Yet on occasion, tedium distracts me and I pour more times than I intended until the bottle is dry.”

You know, it occurs to me that this drink is pretty much confirmed to be wine. He's very extra when talking about it himself, but he had his silly little wine analogies in the previous case and Susato referred to his glasses as “wine glasses”. And you would think it's obvious that it's wine, but we know Ace Attorney's long history with 'grape juice'. Either way, this dialogue leaves a pretty harsh implication that Van Zieks drinks alcohol simply to distract himself from troublesome moods. Sure, he says “tedium”, but this is a stoic prosecutor in the year 1900. They referred to depression as “melancholia” back then, and since he doesn't appear to have any friends, I expect he experiences “tedium” quite often outside the courtroom. He apparently set a rule for himself not to fill his glass more than seven times during a trial which, in turn, implies he's aware any more would cause problems. All of this is moot, of course, since 80% of the wine he pours for himself ends up on the floor between shards of glass. Still, though... Zieks, are you okay?

I don't think he is, because he pulls a very dirty trick here. Ryu proves Soseki drank all his tea and therefore it couldn't possibly have been used, so Van Zieks insinuates to Shamspeare that perhaps he misremembered using the tea from Soseki's cup and instead used tea still left in the teapot. An excuse Shamspeare happily takes, of course. Not gonna lie, I got angry, not because it's a dirty trick but because it's inconsistent. This is the very same character who all but dragged Mrs. Garrideb down from the juror bench to testify when it became clear she likely threw a knife out the window. And now he's feeding slippery excuses to a man who's very clearly lying about all sorts of things? What??? And remember this incident, because I'm going to be referring back to it later.

He crushes another chalice, removes his cloak and continues to insist that we should believe this thieving liar at the witness stand. The jurors for some reason buy the baloney served to them on a tinfoil platter and even twist Ryu's sentiments around, with some bloke going as far as to interpret the situation as 'the lawyer lad believes anyone who steals gas deserves to be poisoned'. Summation Examination gets very funky this time around, with the outcome being that Shamspeare probably blew the gas pipes (s-snerk) and the poison was laced on the pipe.

Van Zieks pours himself a glass of wine and pretty much immediately flings it, saying these are all empty assertions without a shred of proof. When Ryu presents the picture with the skin prints, Van Zieks once again breaks the rule of the prosecution staying silent during Summation Examination to point out that skin prints cannot be used as evidence, since that method is not recognized by the court (yet). Aaand he crushes yet another chalice in his hand.

Susato claims it was never meant to be used as official evidence, it was only a tool to demonstrate a new possibility to the jury. Jumping through some loopholes here, we are, since the picture is clearly in our Court Record as evidence. But, well, the prosecution cheats too so what's the harm? Some jurors vote not-guilty, but there's still one more that needs convincing on order to keep the trial going. Ryu says he has a witness who's already testified that the pipe-blowing incident did indeed occur that night, as Soseki stated the other day before the court that his stove went out in the dead of night. (Hang on, is this why the narrative made him testify alongside Gregson?) With that the majority of the jury votes not-guilty and the trial has to continue, but Van Zieks is extra rattled now. (Another bottle goes soaring.)

He once again reminds the court that skin prints aren't admissible evidence and therefore, there is no real proof Shamspeare put his mouth to the pipes (ghghhh I'm sorry this is such a silly thing to have to type out). Ryu asks for an investigative team to test the mouth of the gas pipe for poison, but since it would've evaporated by now, that's a no-go. Also, Van Zieks says that “what appears to be simple is my Nipponese friend's mind” and that's a scumbag point. Ryu attempts to turn the trial around by claiming that Shamspeare attempted to kill Soseki, making the defendant the victim, but Van Zieks ain't having it. The aggrieved being the accused is an interesting notion, but doesn't change what actually happened. In fact, if anything, it establishes a motive for Soseki to lay a trap for Shamspeare. Because who else could have known about the gas pipe trickery and put the poison there, right? Why, the true culprit, of course.

Our man Van Zieks really doesn't like (S)Holmes, huh? A tidbit which the games will never bother to explain! Either way, Ryu raises the name of Olive Green, the victim of the previous case. And I gotta say, I do genuinely like the way they integrated these two Clouded Kokoro cases together. The chronology of everything that went down is very fun to decipher, but long story short, Olive Green was at Briar Road the day she was stabbed for a reason and knows more about the 'convict curse' Soseki and Garrideb kept mentioning, so let's drag her into court! Van Zieks agrees to subpoena Miss Green in order to 'see his Nipponese friend's farce through to its conclusion'.

So during intermission some more evidence is handed to Ryu and when trial resumes, Van Zieks continues to be his usual self.

“The prosecution has tried to extend every courtesy to this amateur newcomer from dubious Eastern shores.”

Ryu sweats bullets as he meekly thanks Van Zieks “(for his backhanded consideration)”, but once again the judge is the one to call Van Zieks out on his attitude.

Amazing. It's so refreshing to see a judge who actually disagrees with the prosecution's haughty attitude problems and acknowledges it has no place in a courtroom. Nothing against Udgey, because we all love Udgey (and his Canadian brother), but this man actually grows and learns. So Olive Green takes the stand alongside Shamspeare (maybe not the best idea since Ryu just accused her of trying to murder this man) for dual testimony. When Green brings up what a dreadful ordeal the knife to her back was, Van Zieks says this:

Hang on, empathy? He's giving her advice? This reeks of humanization! Green seems taken aback and thanks him for his words, so the sentiment was genuinely accepted. This in itself is a very nice scene to see in action, similar to Van Zieks allowing Roly Beate to keep his job. Unfortunately, Van Zieks's character is in a wild rollercoaster of moral inconsistency during this particular case which sours the experience somewhat. Case in point:

YOOOU hypocrite! This actively angered me, because at the very start of this same trial day he was personally feeding lies to Shamspeare. Now he's warning Green not to lie? It gets even worse a bit later on when Green gets cornered about stealing the note, she asks him whether it could all be some sort of misunderstanding, and he says:

ACTIVELY FEEDING SHAMSPEARE A LIE. THE VERY SAME DAY. I'm all for prosecutors using dirty tactics. It helps to juxtapose them further to the honest defense attorney we play as. However, it needs to be consistent. Either a prosecutor condones a witness's lies to help their case, or they feel that they're above it. The third, most used option is for them to start off condoning it, only to learn that truth takes priority over victory. This sloppy back-and-forth morality that Van Zieks has going on here is insanely frustrating, so it's no wonder some players end up disliking him. It honestly feels as if they rewrote this case so many times, they screwed up the exact growth trajectory Van Zieks has.

Anyway, it seems Van Zieks is suddenly fully on our side now to help Ryu prove that Green was in Shamspeare's room and laced the gas pipe with poison. And I mean help help. When the judge points out that if Green had laced the pipe the very same day she was stabbed, the attempted murder would have happened six days ago. Van Zieks is the one to say “Perhaps not, My Lord” and explain Briar Road was full of police at that time. At this point, Van Zieks and Ryu (and also Susato) actively start to take turns to explain the proper chronology of events. So the defense and the prosecution are in perfect sync right now, working together to explain the whodunnit. This is the ideal outcome to any trial, usually not seen until the last case of the game, so it's curious that this dynamic abruptly shows itself in a case like this. Van Zieks does still have one moment of gaslighting when he claims Ryu may have inhaled some dubious gas, causing his judgment to be clouded, since there's no motive behind Shamspeare's attempts on his fellow lodgers. A matter that's very easily resolved, of course. Once the name of Selden is brought up, Van Zieks continues our little game of back-and-forth-truth-reveal until (S)Holmes shows his face.

“Your usual haunts are the filthy backstreets of the capital, are they not?”

To which (S)Holmes replies that it's been too long, and Van Zieks's complexion has worsened since last they met. Alright, so Van Zieks and (S)Holmes definitely have met in person before, some undetermined amount of time ago. You'd think that going by (S)Holmes's friendly attitude they might've even been friends once, but our great detective is like that towards everyone. This is evidenced by an earlier encounter with Gregson where (S)Holmes insists they're friends and Gregson says that they're not friends, to which (S)Holmes quietly agrees. So really, this little exchange tells us nothing about the history between the great detective and the Reaper.

Some shenaniganry, a breakdown and admittance to guilt later, the court is finally ready to deem Soseki innocent. Van Zieks once again has some interesting lines here:

“And one I certainly didn't envisage walking... with you.”

Considering he attempted to trip us up for most of this walk up until the very last stretch, I don't like this remark very much. It feels very unearned. This is another one of those things that would've been more suitable in the last case of the game, but instead it's being crammed into a messy mid-game moment with the pretense that Van Zieks learned a lesson about being our ally.

In the defendant's lobby, the game basically gives the exact same dialogue as at the end of the original Clouded Kokoro case; that Soseki is returning to Japan and hopes to pen his own literature there, with the rest of the cast pointing out that the Reaper's Curse must factor into his decision to some degree. So we're still holding onto that question of whether Soseki will escape an untimely death or not. Anyone who's already played the last case of the first game will know the answer, of course.

So to summarize... I genuinely didn't enjoy Van Zieks's portrayal in this case. It really feels as if something went horribly wrong and they got some notes mixed up about where his character was already headed in the previous game. It's a crying shame. There was a lot of potential for a case set between 1-4 and 1-5, but they really dropped the ball when it comes to consistency and I've no doubt that it reflected badly on people's opinions of him. Though I think when we return to the first game for The Unspeakable Story, everything will right itself out again to some degree. Stay tuned!

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #MAN I got frustrated with this one #what happened here???

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askaceattorney · 3 years

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These are letters regarding the situation that recently transpired. After this, we will no longer be answering any letters regarding politics. All of us agree that this blog needs to strictly stay out of politics. In truth, politics should never have been the center of this blog. After this, any letter regarding politics or the situation will be deleted.

This is a blog that focuses on answering letters to Ace Attorney canon characters. It does not discriminate anyone or any mod based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, politics, etc. and such actions are not tolerated. If you believe one of our mods is discriminating for whatever reason, show solid evidence and we will handle this privately. A support for a former or current president of a country is not proof of discrimination and neither are political memes posted on a personal account.

(More Politics Ahead)

Dear rogertheegg,

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Dear kunaiman,

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Dear Mistakes,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m not going to go into anything else regarding my politics, but I will state my reason for outing myself: I’m doing this for Co-Mod. I do consider him a friend of sorts and I do not wish for him to have to suffer this blowback alone. So, if you want to state your grievances, go ahead.

Know this though, I am still the same mod you have met and have never hidden my character from any of you. My politics do not define my character and neither does Co-Mod’s politics define his character. The same goes for anyone else. I’m just someone that leans Conservative and voted for Trump. If that makes me a bad person, even if I do stand against any discrimination, then I will gladly accept it.

Co-Mod: So, here’s the truth about me, Donald Trump, the MAGA Committee, etc. (and this is from the horse’s mouth, so anyone who says otherwise is lying) -- I’ve never been a huge fan of the guy, but I supported the good things he did and wanted to do during his presidency -- creating jobs, draining the political swamp, promoting patriotism, and so on -- and for that, I feel no shame. I also wished he could’ve kept his big mouth shut about a lot of things, but overall, I saw him as someone who stood up for people who’d been largely ignored before he came along -- namely, middle class Americans. If you see him and his presidency differently, I won’t hold anything against you for it, so I respectfully ask that you do the same for me.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: Don’t worry, I know who you are. You maybe under anonymous, but when we receive your letter, it isn’t anonymous lol. What we do is place your letter in photoshop and get rid of all your identity. Thank you for your support and I agree.

This blog will continue, even if it’s under a very few of us. I will allow everyone to display their grievances in the comment section. They have just as much right as Co-Mod and I do.

If there’s anyone I wish for you to support, it’s Co-Mod. He’s the one being the most effected by all of this. I don’t believe politics should have been involved or that we should have to justify why we believe in our politics. Neither have to do with our love for Ace Attorney.

Dear I’m still surprised,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m guessing this is for Co-Mod, because it doesn’t seem like you’ve read my own defense. I literally stated that both Co-Mod and I support LGBT and that the letters deleted because of shipping had nothing to do with any political beliefs. Beyond what I stated in my defense (despite what Co-Mod states below), I won’t say anything more. Non of us have to justify why we support a former president. I have my reasons just like anyone else. It doesn’t make me a terrible person and I will forever stand for everyone’s rights to believe whatever politics they believe.

Co-Mod: It’s a shame I have to say this on an Ace Attorney blog of all places, but where is your proof that I or anyone on my side of the aisle takes any enjoyment in seeing anyone dead or oppressed, whether in a minority or otherwise? I can only assume you’ve been listening to some skewed sources, or that there’s something huge I’m missing, because I’ve yet to see any right-wing groups reach that level of hatred. (And if you know of any, please fill me in. I mean that honestly.)

As for why I left same-sex attraction out of this blog, it’s simply because I see it as a divisive topic rather than a simply controversial one, (i.e. the death penalty, game piracy, etc.). I’ve also proven several times that I’m not very good at addressing it without people getting rubbed the wrong way, so I decided to play it safe and not discuss it at all. I’m happy to talk about it anywhere else, but a blog about Ace Attorney didn’t seem like the right place for it to me. On top of that, there are plenty of blogs about peoples’ same-sex ships all over Tumblr, so why complain about this one? If there’s a rule stating that Ace Attorney-themed Tumblr blogs are required to include those ships, I sure haven’t heard it.

I’ll admit this much -- like Phoenix, it’s something I can’t claim to understand, so maybe I still have some learning to do about it, but if I’m going to be accused of bigotry, I’d like to see some solid evidence of it. Assumptions don’t count in my book.

Dear Dailystir,

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you. I’m not going to address anymore than I already have. I will not and refuse to mention anything else on my politics. Just like how you said, I am more at the center in the political world. I lean more Conservative, but I am Independent. I consider both Republicans and Democrats to be two different wings from the same bird.

I’m also glad you do not consider being a Trump supporter to be in the same basket as being a racist, bigot or any of that. These days, I can declare myself as a supporter of Andrew Jackson (I’m not btw) and not be against Natives, even though he was the reason for the mass genocide of thousands of Native Americans. I can openly support Martain Luther King, yet not be considered homophobic, even though he was against LGBT. I can consider myself a Bill Clinton supporter and not support raping women, even though that’s what he did in office. Yet, the moment I declare myself a Trump supporter, I’m automatically Anti LGBT, a bigot, a sexist, a racist and a phobe of some sort, because Trump supposedly is? What a world we live in! I can’t remember the last time supporting a political figure or celebrity made you a terrible person.

As for Mod Vera and Mod Maya, I still wish they could’ve said something to me or Co-Mod, if they truly felt uncomfortable. I’m still willing to talk to either of them and hear them out. I don’t blame them for doing what they did. I don’t know them or what life they live in. I have talked to someone, who had faced bigotry and hate from Trump supporters in their area to the point of fear. I’ve even seen a Trump supporter bully an Anti Trump Supporter and I ended up reporting the bully, then calling them out for their behavior. I can say from experience that when you face real discrimination, it puts you in a state of fear to never express yourself or your identity. My family faced that and so did I. It’s the reason I’ve never revealed my race, gender or sexual orientation and can understand where Mod Maya and Mod Vera are coming from.

I think the real takeaway is to not judge anyone based on their politics, but also to not hate anyone who does. You will find bigotry on any side of the political spectrum from any group. To say there is none on any side is spouting ignorance.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: It is sad, though even if I do understand where Mod Vera and Mod Maya are coming from, I still can’t justify them not talking to either of us first. They never spoke to either of us and assumed the worst out of both of us. They never asked us anything or mentioned their concerns. I’m certain, even now, they’re still assuming things.

Had they mentioned their grievances, I would have been willing to talk with them and work things out, but we were never given that chance. It kinda hurts, because they said they understood when I told them I was staying out of politics and was willing to admit that I supported Trump and am an Independent Conservative. Then, they pull the rug from under us and claim we are against ethnic minorities and LGBT. That’s why I wish they could’ve said something.

I’m still willing to talk to either of them, but I doubt they’ll want to hear from me. No amount of context is going to change that. If it did, they would’ve talked to me about it before leaving.

-The Mods

P. S. Co-Mod: As ugly as this can of worms is, it’s been a fun practice in defending my beliefs and decisions. Never underestimate that skill, everyone.

Mod Edgeworth: I still can’t believe this was brought out at all. I’m so sick of politics!

#rogertheegg #kunaiman #Mistakes #Anonymous #I'm still surprised #dailystir #Mod Post #Co-Mod #Mod Edgeworth

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popi-the-fatui · 3 years

Text

The Night Demon

Akutagawa (BSD) x GN! Reader

Warnings: past injuries, blood, a wee bit of angst. No beta we die like Oda. Akutagawa supremacy you all.

Authors Note: This is the first time I write for a show, and also the first time since highschool that I write something of this length in english (yes, it’s not my first language and it shows). Anyways, of course my first one-shot would be for the angry anemic gremlin as I love him very very much. Also, @theodora3022 you fuel my Akutagawa obssession so if this sucks I’m blaming you (jk... unless?)

The path of your recovery had not been an easy one, to no one’s surprise: taking a sucker-punch (worth the considerable sum of 1 million yen) to the head from an extravagant multi-millionaire really can take a toll on the body. Not that Akutagawa didn’t know that, given the fact that he also had faced the wrath of the Guild’s leader, but still he couldn’t help the one-hour-long reprimand he gave you once you finally woke up in a Port Mafia’s hospital bed after being out for almost a month.

Was his concerned angry scolding helping with your throbbing headache (that, by the way, was getting worse with every word he said)? Nope.

Would you jump in front of your boyfriend to block a glowing fist using your face just to see the adorable angry pout he made after finishing his speech all over again? Most definitely.

Now, it’s been two months since you left the hospital, and though half of your face is still purple and touch sensitive, you're in way better shape than before (not that you know how you looked like, but the face Akun made when you asked if he had any photos of your face while you were unconscious gave you the hint that it wasn’t a pretty picture and that you probably shouldn’t touch that topic again. There goes your morbid curiosity).

Of course, your boyfriend has been attached to the hip with you all through your recovery, partly because he is afraid that you’ll pull out some borderline suicidal thing like that again (Dazai-san would be proud, though), and partly because THE one time he left you alone to go on a mission he came back to your body collapsed on the floor. Apparently bending down to pick the remote is considered “sudden movement” when you have been punched in the face.

But you’re not complaining: Akun’s company is always quality company, and though he has a bizarre unique way of showing how much he cares and longs for you (Exhibit A: all of the pictures he has of you in his phone are actually group pictures he has cropped out so they only have you in them (except for that one picture you have with Dazai, but we don’t talk about that)), you know that this man ADORES you and would go to the ends of earth for you, even if that means sacrificing that magnificent and sublime time of the day when he gets to dote on you after dealing with whatever task the Port Mafia asked him to do, a.k.a. bedtime. Why? Because with you sleeping face up and passed out in painkillers, cuddles and pillow talk are the equivalent of hugging a dead amoeba, and though Ryunosuke Akutagawa is awkward, he is not THAT awkward.

But that night you hadn’t taken your painkillers, given the fact that you’d had a doctor’s check-up earlier that day, and you have been cleared from the meds to see how well you were doing without those happy little pills. And though the pain was tolerable, it was still there, so you went to sleep earlier than your usual hour (also, Akun was on a mission and the remote had fallen to the floor and you really didn’t want to scare him again but there was also a limit to how many murder documentaries you could watch without having the power to change the channel).

You woke up later in the early hours of the night to the feeling of pure dread that you have when you know someone is watching you.

Of course, you didn’t open your eyes: you didn’t want to face whatever entity you know was looming over your supposedly sleeping body. Or at least you tried not to open them until you felt a long, cold finger reaching the underside of your... nose?

You slowly opened your eyes, afraid that if you made any sudden movements you would disturb the eerie calm that surrounded the mannerisms of the creature (?), and once your pupils finally got used to the gloom of the room, you had to suppress your laugh, because right above you, supported by Rashoumon and holding a finger under your nose, was none other than your boyfriend.

“Akun?” you whispered.

“Yes, dove?” he said back just as low, still not breaking his composure.

“What, and I cannot stretch this enough, in the everloving hell are you doing?”

“I’m checking your vitals”

“Oh, cool. Wait, what?” you asked dumbfounded, finally breaking whatever trance you both were in.

“I was making sure you were still breathing, dove” Akun said as it was the most obvious thing in the world to check if your significant other was not dead in their sleep. And they say romance is dead.

“...”

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Why were you making sure I was still breathing?”

He didn’t give you an answer. Instead, you could see his face darken (thank you, moonlight) while he turned his face to the side with a pout.

“Akun, look at me, please”

With a sigh, he turned his face to you, and the worry in his eyes broke your heart a little. “Does this have anything to do with my accident?” you asked him, voice laced with a sweetness fueled by his concern, because even though he will never say it outloud, you knew that not that deep inside he blamed himself for what had happened to you. “Love, you know that what happened was 100% my decision, right? And I would do it again and again and again if it means you leave the fight safe and sound”.

“But I can take it! I’ve had way worse! And I know that you’re not weak, please don’t take me wrong, but I know pain, I’ve been through that before! For God’s sake, my job is literally being the Port Mafia’s dog!” Akutagawa was getting agitated by the minute. “And I was the one who had to see and HEAR your face break. I was the one who had to carry your limp body out of the fight. I was the one who had to see your face covered in your own blood. I was the one who had to hear the doctors talk about how you were unresponsive to their tests” Akutagawa was not holding back now, and you were able to see the track his tears were leaving in his pale cheeks. “And I was the one who had to see your face so beaten up that, even though the doctors had already finished their jobs, it was unrecognizable” he ended with a choked sob and that’s when it hit you: why he wouldn’t show you any pictures of the time you were in the hospital, or why he had accidentally unleashed Rashoumon when he found you passed out in the floor, or why he had taken only a few missions ever since you left the hospital.

You were his favourite person, he had almost lost you and what’s even worse, he had to watch.

“Akun, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry” you managed to choke out through your sobs, tears of your own falling through your face. But he knew what you meant:

Sorry for worrying you like that. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for almost leaving you alone.

“Promise me you’ll never pull something like that again. I can’t afford to lose you, dove. You don’t get to make me fall in love with you and then disappearing from my life just like that”

And if those words didn’t get to you, then his eyes sure did: even through the tears, you could see the desperation and fear in them that would get loose if something bad should happen to you, the person he loves the most. Your heart broke a little bit more.

“I promise” you could see how Akutagawa’s body relaxed at your statement. “But if there’s no stopping you from taking the blows for me, then you at least have to let me take care of you, and you also need to start taking better care of yourself, Akun. Don’t you think you have suffered enough, my love?” You added tenderly, using both hands to wipe out the remnants of his tears carefully.

“You know I can’t promise you that, and I can take it. I can be strong for both of us”

“Then at least try, for me. And are you calling me weak?” you teased, as the mood was much lighter than before after your promise.

“No, and I’ll think about it” You had to give it to the guy: he must really love you if he was willing to compromise with you over this.

“Why is it that I have to promise you something but you have to think about it?”

“I’m your superior”

“Are we not going to address the fact that you still have your finger in my nose even though the way I’m arguing with you right now should be enough proof that not only I’m breathing but alive?”

“...”

“Ok, I’ll try”

BONUS 1:

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Why check up on me now? The accident was 3 months ago... Did something happen that made you worry?”

“...”

“This isn’t the first time you check on me while I’m sleeping”

“This isn’t the first time I check on you while you’re sleeping”

“You really need to work on your love language, my dear”

BONUS 2:

“Akun?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Did you know that at first I thought you were my sleep paralysis demon?”

“What?”

“Shut up and go to sleep” he scolded you, hugging your arm so he would not accidentally hurt your face. Not the best cuddle replacement but at least it didn’t feel like a dead amoeba anymore.

#you can take the headcanon that Akun calls his partner dove from my dead hands #also you may be able to notice that i cope with angst through humor #and sorry if this is anti climatic #i dont know how to write #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #ryunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #bsd x reader #fluff #angst #mine #finally i can use the mine tag in a fic

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thatshithurted8 · 4 years

Text

July

Summary: Watching who you thought was the love of your life change into a completely different person because of drugs was heartbreaking, but everyone reaches their breaking point eventually.

Inspired by the song July by Noah Cyrus.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Mention of emotional and mental abuse, gas lighting, manipulation and drug use.

It’s to be expected that every relationship has their ups and downs. But during the first year of yours and Rafe’s relationship you two had more ups than downs, which you were extremely grateful for. However, a lot of people had strong opinions about Ward Cameron’s infamous son, Rafe and his actions.

These labels and assumptions about your relationship and boyfriend bothered you at first, but then you came to a realization that no one knows Rafe the way you do and they’re only judging him off of what he portrays to the world.

However, you noticed a shift in your relationship right after your one year anniversary. You don’t know how it started exactly, but you remembered Rafe calling you to pick him up from parties. Of course you obliged, leaving your school work scattered on your desk to be the designated driver for your boyfriend. But when you would pick him up you would notice him sniffling continuously all the while acting differently than he normally does when he’s drunk.

Your suspicions of what your boyfriend was doing finally came to light when you saw Rafe snort a line of coke with your own eyes. This only started a fight and the beginning of the end of your relationship.

I've been holding my breath I've been counting to ten Over something you said I've been holding back tears While you're throwing back beers I'm alone in bed

Friday nights were reserved date nights for you and Rafe. All of yours and Rafe’s friends knew that so you were extremely annoyed when Rafe walked into the living room with a keg while you were setting up the movies you two were going to watch.

“Uh what’s that for?”

“My dad and Rose are out of town for a stupid business thing so I thought we should have a party.” Rafe says, his eyes frantically scanning his surroundings. His eyes were dilated and you could tell that he was already high off of the white substance you despised.

“Aren’t you forgetting that it’s date night?” You ask raising a brow at him.

Rafe simply rolls his eyes. “We do the same shit every date night and it’s not fun anymore. They cause more stress than good.” He says stumbling over his words.

Taken aback from your boyfriends words you set the tv remote on the couch before walking to Rafe’s room with tears in your eyes, leaving the snacks you prepared out on the coffee table. Rafe doesn’t seem phased by you walking away from him, seemingly hurt. Instead he walks into the large kitchen in search for red solo cups.

As the music down stairs boomed throughout the house you laid in Rafe’s bed. His comment earlier was really taking a toll on you even though you knew it was the drugs talking. Even though you tried to ease your racing mind you had to continuously count to ten while taking deep breaths and holding back tears. The chatter of teenagers and music made you want to scream, but instead you stayed put laying motionless in Rafe’s bed that smelt like him.

Rafe snorts another line of the white substance on the coffee table before grabbing the bowl of potato chips that you set out for your movie night. As he stuffs his mouth with the salty snack, laughing at something Kelce said tears finally escaped your eyes.

You know I, I'm afraid of change Guess that's why we stay the same

As you grew up you associated change as a negative thing. It seemed as if every bad thing that has happened in your life was a result of some sort of change. So that was why you liked routine and Rafe was understanding of that.

However, the change within Rafe was slow and unexpected. It crept up on you like a cheetah prowling for their prey. When you finally realized that your relationship with Rafe drastically changed you felt as if it was too late. In reality it wasn’t too late Rafe just made you feel like it was.

So tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know 'Cause you remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay

The boy you claimed to love made you feel as if you would never find anyone better than him and that you were always in the wrong, no matter the situation. During your now frequent arguments Rafe would blame you for his drug problem, saying that you were stressing him out and shit.

He would also make you believe that you were the one to change and that you don’t love him anymore. You two have had countless fights about Rafe claiming you don’t love him, resulting in you leaving his house in a hurry to go to yours. Some fights have gotten so out of hand that you wanted to skip town all together.

Despite all of the shit Rafe has put you through you truly believed that you still loved him. And at times you wished and hoped and even craved for the old Rafe. The Rafe before drugs. The Rafe that you only saw. Every now and then that side would come out, making you hopeful that staying with him despite the mental turmoil he has put you through was the right decision.

You so desperately wanted Rafe to go back to the boy you feel in love with. Although he seemingly reminded you every day while he was high as to why you weren’t enough for him and anyone else, you still stayed. You knew you should’ve left a long time ago, but you chased after the glimpses of the old Rafe you would see in between his highs.

Feels like a lifetime Just tryna get by While we're dying inside I've done a lot of things wrong Loving you being one But I can't move on

Every day that went by while you continued to stay with Rafe dragged on and on. He was weighing you down and there was nothing you’d rather do than sleep. Rafe has torn down your self esteem so much that you barely had any left if at all.

When you laid in bed at night after days worth of physically draining work at the charity you volunteered at for your college applications your mind would drift. It would drift and make you question as to what things have you done in your life that were wrong.

You realized that loving Rafe was something you did wrong, which causes you to allow yourself to cry for the first time in weeks. Over the past few weeks you could feel your optimism and happiness deteriorating and it was all thanks to your boyfriend who supposedly loved you.

And once again, despite all of this you still found yourself madly in love with Rafe.

So tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags

At some point everyone eventually reaches their breaking point. The straw that broke the camels back was Rafe failing to show up to your two year anniversary dinner. Instead he opted out to party with his friends and get high on the substance that he loved more than you.

The embarrassment of being stood up by your boyfriend at one of the most prestigious restaurants in town made your skin crawl. You remember the sad glances and whispers you received from the other guests enjoying their meals.

Deciding to go home after an hour and a half of waiting you saw all over snapchat where Rafe was and what he was too busy doing to show up to your anniversary dinner. At that point you didn’t know what you expected. Rafe promised you while he was sober that he was going to come and it was going to be the best date you’ve ever been on. However, you were let down again.

A few days went by and Rafe hasn’t even bothered to text you. He was probably too busy on a bender or getting high while sleeping on Toppers couch.

As you sat in your bed you looked around your room and at the pictures that scattered your walls. The pictures of you and Rafe used to bring you so much happiness, but now you felt nothing. Your eyes continue to scan your baby blue walls and they eventually land on the acceptance letters to the universities you applied to that your mom made you frame.

You were supposed to stay in the Outer Banks and go to the university in the town over. That way you could see Rafe on a daily basis, in fact it was his idea. But that’s not what you wanted anymore. Letting out a huff you start to pack your bags knowing that your decision was going to potentially alter your life forever.

Watching Rafe turn into a different person all the while you tried to help him was draining and heart breaking. Everything you’ve been through the past year has piled up and you were finally done.

It was your time to leave.

Question of the day: Whats your biggest relationship deal breaker and why?

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fallenrepublick · 4 years

Note

Can we have a virgin!reader help with Maul's heat? Like he doesn't know and instinct is telling him to do the do. Reader is afraid that Maul would go to another because they won't put out?

Youuuuu sure can, my dude

Warnings: Vague NSFW mentions, but nothing really

The signs certainly were not subtle.

When you had officially become a couple, (whatever that meant in this day and age), you had taken it upon yourself to research his species enough for you to understand differences between you two that extended past surface level, a decision which you became more and more grateful for as time passed. And though you would by no means consider yourself an expert on his kind, you were well aware of what instinctually occurred every so often, and what its intended function was. All this to say, you hadn’t yet prepared for what you would do once it did arrive.

And arriving it was, whether you wanted it or not. You could sense his pulse quicken more than usual when you were nearby, and you felt his eyes on you linger with an unmistakable hunger that made your face both heat up and your head turn away, as if avoiding what you knew was inevitable. Yet he hadn’t acted on it. Not yet, anyways, and eventually, it made you wonder if he did know what you hadn’t yet told him, if he were controlling what he wanted most because he could sense what you didn’t have the heart to admit.

But a moment came when any thoughts of such things were dashed in an instant, and his entrance into your room was one you not so much dreaded, but were blatantly unprepared for. He was walking the line between saying nothing and everything all at once, his motions slow but certain, a predatory instinct beneath the skin of civilization.

From where you were seated, your back was to him, and after hearing the door open and close behind him, you felt one of his hands slide around your waist, the other brushing at your collarbone. His lips were soft and careful when they pressed up against your neck, and you couldn’t help but sigh into his touch the closer he came to you.

“I haven’t seen nearly enough of you today,” he purred into you, each word feeling like a step in the wrong direction. But how could you possibly say that? And the more he moved down, the more certain you were that you knew where this was going, and a chill ran down your spine in a sort of natural reaction to your nervousness.

Caught up in your thoughts, you hadn’t expected him to notice it, especially being caught up in motions driven more by instinct than logic. But he looked up, the gold of his eyes piercing through the darkness and casting a glow out of your peripherals. And when you turned to look at him, you couldn’t read his expression. Initially, you had feared it would be one of disappointment, or possibly even bordering on anger, as if you were denying him something he needed to survive. But it was neither, and somehow, it made you worry even more.

“You’re… afraid.” It was a simple statement, and not one that was entirely untrue. But his voice, the hesitation between the words, his eyes less dilated than they had been moments ago, they all told you that his definition of the word was far different from yours.

“No, I’m… I’m not afraid, I’m…” You struggled to find an explanation, a way to dodge what you hoped to never have to discuss. And as you watched the concern in his expression mix with curiosity, you found the supposedly “uncontrollable” instinct pass into nothing more than a transparent afterthought, and you were comforted. If only for the moment.

“I’ve never… done this…” you admitted finally, the tension within you failing to release even after you said it. “I don’t even know if I want to… Not yet, at least. But I know you need my help and I… I wish there were some way I could, but I just… don’t think I can…”

The hardest part was over. So why did you feel worse? For a moment, he was unresponsive, his face unchanging and figure unmoving. It allowed ripples of concerns to pass through your mind, realizations that there were other options for him that simply didn’t involve you. If you couldn’t provide him with what he needed, there were others that could, others that were likely skilled in this sort of thing, others that could please him in ways that you wouldn’t. The moment lasted for only a few seconds, but your fears only grew, and led you to the conclusion that he could find in another what was insufficient in you.

Still, he smiled, gently, his concern remaining, and reached up to your face, tracing at your tensed jaw and smoothing the furrows in your brow that you hadn’t even known had formed.

“It’s alright,” he hummed, voice comforting and warm like the hand against your skin. “It isn’t the end of the world. I can handle it, I promise.”

Even with the insuring tone, the words struck you like a bolt of lightning and the possibilities that you had concocted leapt once more to the forefront of your mind, powerful enough to bring you to asking them directly.

“When you handle it… that means you’ll find someone else, doesn’t it? Someone that will help you… A-and you’ll get through this without me a-and I know that’s technically none of my concern, but-” It came out frantic, your eyes darting from one corner of the room to the next, avoiding his face and any confirmation that it might have given you.

“Starlight…” he said, almost in a whisper. “Who said anything about me asking elsewhere? Why would you think I would do that?” His head tilted forward, a silent request for your gaze to fall to his. You obliged, albeit hesitantly.

“I’ve read about this… Your kind, going through cycles like this. All of it. It sounds like a necessity for you to follow through with any… urges that come with it.” You searched him for any agreement or denial as you spoke, seeking comfort in your uncertainty. There was none. “If I can’t help you… it stands to reason that you would seek help elsewhere.”

There were many reactions from him that you were expecting. The laugh that came afterwards was not one of them. “Clearly, I have not been doing my job well enough,” he said brightly. “It’s true, this is a… relatively difficult time for me to be going through, and should I let my guard down at any moment, I might be prone to more instinctive actions rather than partaking in much needed self-control. But that doesn’t mean I can’t handle whatever that brings, and it certainly does not mean that I will find myself in the midst of anyone who isn’t you.”

He took your silence as consideration, and continued, smiling as he watched your tension slowly melt away. “You are the only person I would ever wish to be with, whether you choose to do this or not. It doesn’t matter. That doesn’t make you any less mine.”

“You wouldn’t go to another? Even if it means you’ll have to control this forever?”

He stood, leaning over you and placing a careful kiss on the top on your head, still holding your face in his hands.

“Never.”

#*GASP*#a fic?? after all this time???#yeah yeah i know i'm slow hush #darth maul #darth maul x reader #darth maul x you #maul #maul x reader #star wars x reader #star wars x you

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airgetlamhh · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on Lostbelt 2

Longpost ahead.

So.

Lostbelt 2. Finally played it after so long, and this will contain spoilers.

To make sure everyone knows what they’re getting into, I’ll give the thesis statement right here: Lostbelt 2 is bad.

The entire time I played through the story, I kept waiting for it to pick up. I kept waiting for it to shrug off the poor pacing, the deus ex machinas, the random things just happening for the convenience of the plot. I kept waiting for it to shrug off the poor characterization, the constant telling instead of showing, the moral myopia. It never did.

From nearly the very start to finish, Lostbelt 2 is bad.

We start off fairly fine! A desperate ploy to sneak through the Lostbelt to meet up with the allies we’ve learned about, the Wandering Sea, interrupted by a Lostbelt Servant attacking us with the intent of stealing the Paper Moon that allows us to perform Zero Sails. All of that is a decent setup!

And then we’re told how strong this Saber is. How incredible they are. How their swordplay surpasses anything else they’ve ever seen, how they desperately wish that Musashi was there, how no no, he didn’t use his sword, he only parried! Things that Sherlock Holmes observes, not Mashu, not the one who’s actually been fighting for two years now, so Mashu seems borderline useless. Holmes figures out it’s Sigurd because...he uses a sword in a Scandinavian Lostbelt, and he figured out that Holmes used magic because Holmes fire magic lasers at him. From this, Holmes is able to pinpoint Sigurd’s identity, and that’s just the setup for the rest of the chapter, really.

To be specific, what I mean is that we will constantly be told how incredible someone is with very little evidence, and the plot will bend and warp to make certain things happen.

The scene does exactly one good thing, which is the foreshadowing of Surtr. Coming into it knowing that aspect allowed me to appreciate little bits like Surtr talking about Heroic Spirits like he wasn’t one, and Surtr not being able to kill Mashu because Sigurd resisted it. But that’s about all that was good in the scene, and all it really does is set up a consistent thing of Surtr being one of the only good parts - until he isn’t, of course.

I’m going to shift here from specifics to characters, because otherwise I’d be rehashing the entire story and I don’t have the time or effort required for that. That being said, it is difficult to decide where to start, so I’ll go right to the very building blocks of the story, the themes.

Lostbelt 2 is, very obviously, attempting to have a theme of different kinds of love throughout the story. Part of this is because it’s very much set up like an otome game that the author Hikaru Sakurai would write, with Ophelia in the center, but it’s a more general theme too, with Skadi and the others all building up towards it. Now, love is an absolutely wonderful thing to build your themes around, exploring and examining it can be great for stories. Beasts themselves do that, examining different varieties of genuine, but toxic love that allow them to be well-meaning monsters.

The problem is that Lostbelt 2 does not engage with these themes on anything but a surface level. Skadi represents maternal love, so she constantly talks about how everyone is her children and how she’s their mother. No examination of the desire to see her children grow, the pain she feels when they fight, the struggle of forcing herself to cling so tightly knowing that it’s suffocating them and going to kill them before they reach 26.

Napoleon represents passionate love, so he flirts with every woman he sees. No examination of why he’s so passionate or what drives him to burn so brightly, beyond a token mention that for some reason when he’s summoned he’s driven to seek out a lover, another aspect of things happening to serve the plot.

Sigurd and Brynhildr represent true, romantic love, so they act mushy the entire chapter from the moment the real Sigurd appears. Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked their scenes a lot and I’m happy that they chose that portrayal instead of the one I was afraid of where it was yandere jokes day in day out. But there’s no engagement with the fundamentals of their love, nothing that tests it, even the existing complications with Brynhildr’s tragic summoning are swept away with a single line of “I can resist them better now maybe because my saint graph is broken”, so ultimately there’s no conflict whatsoever. And sure, that’s nice, but it’s not very good if you’re trying to build your story around a theme of love.

Next, Surtr, who represents obsessive, dangerous love. I honestly actually think Surtr’s done well, even if the love he happens to represent is the least positive one. Surtr is capable of only one thing, destruction, and when he fell for Ophelia in that moment where she saw him and he saw her, he decided that if he ever had the chance, he would repay her the only way he knew how: allowing her to watch as he destroyed everything. When he’s summoned, he acts basically like the possessive one in an otome game, constantly talking about how Ophelia is his woman, getting angry when Napoleon flirts with her, spending most of his time pushing things between them as far as they can go etc. etc. I’m not particularly a fan of how his desire to repay Ophelia battling against his singular purpose transformed him into a typical possessive bastard boyfriend, but it’s at least engaged with on a deeper level.

Finally, Ophelia. She’s the otome game protagonist here, born into an controlling family and finally freed, hiding a secret special power, beloved by almost all the men involved in the chapter while she’s harboring feelings for someone else, even has the typical friendship route with Mashu going on. Her love is a love that she doesn’t acknowledge, but that’s all it is. It’s never engaged with beyond the fact that she clearly loves Kirschtaria but insists she doesn’t, and her final scene as she dies is Mashu telling her that yes, she did love Kirschtaria. That’s all.

For a theme of love that’s supposedly woven into the Lostbelt, it’s barely examined at all. It’s not well written, and in comparison to Lostbelt 1′s theme of what it means to live in a world where the strong devour the weak and how deeply it examined and engaged with that, it’s a genuine disappointment.

Now, to move onto the plot, it’s...in the abstract, it’s fine. Chaldea is intercepted and forced to fight in the Lostbelt and ends up dragged into the overarching ploy by Surtr to release himself and burn everything. That’s a perfectly fine story, but the problem is that when you get to the moment-to-moment stuff, it falls apart completely.

Skadi is constantly talked up as this incredibly powerful true goddess, not merely a Divine Spirit, and we know she can see and hear our every move because of her snow. How does the story work around this borderline omniscience within her Lostbelt? Skadi just decides not to do anything about Chaldea with zero rhyme or reason. We need to sneak into the palace and avoid alerting the guards, except Skadi already knows exactly where we are, except that doesn’t matter because we need to sneak in for some reason. We get captured with no plan to escape, and it just so happens that not only was Skadi keeping a Divine Spirit amalgamation locked in the dungeons too, but that she can piggyback on you making a contract with Napoleon (pure dumb luck you hadn’t done it before) and force a connection with you too, and then cast spells to hide you while you escape. Skadi knows we’re trying to free Brynhildr, who is the sole threat to Sigurd and Skadi’s own Valkyries in the entire Lostbelt? She just decides to do nothing at all.

So much of the plot happens because either Skadi makes terrible decisions to do nothing, even though she knows Chaldea is there to destroy her entire world, or it happens because random shit goes on that couldn’t have been planned for like Sitonai. Shit like Surtr suddenly becoming Fafnir and being able to use the Evil Dragon Phenomenon to brainwash Ophelia somehow, like Ophelia’s Mystic Eye being able to do anything the plot demands, even when it explicitly goes against its existing capabilities like rewinding time on Sigurd’s wounds, like Bryn and Surtr somehow being able to resist the effects of her eye with no buildup or explanation. It’s poorly written in terms of the exact events that happen, and that all culminates in Skadi’s one cool moment, where she declares she’s going to kill the seven billion we fight for for the sake of her ten thousand...and then right after, it reveals that Skadi was going easy on us and refused to use her runes of instant death for no reason even though she was fighting for the survival of her entire world. The moment to moment plot is not good, and neither is what comes next, the worldbuilding.

In Skadi’s Lostbelt, half the world is covered in Surtr’s flames, while the other half is blanketed in Skadi’s snow. Where the two areas meet are the only places where life can grow, and so Skadi set up villages there. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough food for everyone, so she enforces strict population control: if you are not the mother or father of a child by 15, you are sent away to be killed by the giants. If you are the mother or father of a child, you are sent away to be killed at 25 instead. Through this tragic method, Skadi enforces a limit of 100 villages with 100 people, a total population of 10000. This is all fine.

But take a closer look at what we actually see, and this falls apart. First, the giants. The giants are immortal and never need to eat. They do nothing but sleep all day and attack any human that comes close to them. Later, it’s revealed that they’ll attack any heat source including Valkyries, except we know that’s not true. Giants never attack each other, they never attack and destroy any of the plant life around them, they never attack the Lostbelt tree seeds, they even fight alongside mass-produced Valkyries before it’s revealed that Skadi and the three originals can mind-control them! They exist only to destroy, but Skadi can control them with her masks and indeed uses them as labour, keeping them chained up in her castle to be brought out and controlled as needed, or using them to guard Brynhildr’s castle.

Worst of all, the first time we meet anyone in the chapter, it’s Gerda, who is sneaking out of her village to go to the massive liveable area close to Village 23. This area happens to be the only place she can go to get medicinal herbs that she needs or one of the people in her village will die in childbirth. This area is also full of giants, who have not destroyed it despite being fertile and full of life and heat, and who are allowed to take this place that could be used to grow more food for humans who need it, and simply stay there doing nothing.

Now, this is where I thought the game would engage with things. How Skadi, in professing her love for all her children, is actually being cruel and unfair. They certainly set it up in the conversations she has, where she casually mentions how humans must die for her coexistence to continue. Skadi chooses to keep the giants alive despite the fact that they are all braindead and can do nothing but kill and destroy the moment their masks are removed. She chooses to keep them alive even though it comes at the expense of the humans who must die when the giants never make that same sacrifice. She chooses to allow them fertile land even though they cannot farm nor do they need food, and in doing so deprive the humans of potentially living longer, having more supplies to do so. She makes these strange choices and then later reveals she can control the giants to do her bidding, and it all seems to fall into place.

What we see from how she’s characterized early on is that the system is unfair and Skadi is unwilling to change, because it benefits her tremendously. Gerda’s village didn’t have enough herbs to save the children forced to breed by 15, and despite Skadi’s omniscience letting her know that Gerda had snuck out and was trying to save a life, she did nothing. There was no system in place to beg a Valkyrie to get these herbs, and no indication whatsoever that Skadi would use her powers to control the giants to save Gerda’s life. The picture painted is someone who cares about humanity not out of true care, but simply out of obligation. Those who disobey her rules, even for good reasons, are left to die by the engines of destruction she keeps alive.

That’s not the story it tells later on, though. Skadi, portrayed from the start as this all-powerful goddess with complete control over everything, is revealed to be far weaker than we thought, and far less monstrous. Ignore all the times she did control the giants, she actually can’t do it all that well. Ignore all the times she declared she would not allow anyone she loved to be killed, but chose not to act to tell her Valkyries or her giants or anything else to save either Chaldea or Gerda. Ignore the evidence we see on screen that there’s more land that’s simply taken over by the giants, Skadi can only make those initial 100 villages and can’t make any more. Skadi is not bad. Skadi did the best she could. Skadi is morally right.

Please love Skadi, there’s no complicated moral quandary here, she’s just Good.

Comparisons to Lostbelt 1 are impossible to avoid. Both have the same basic cause, a calamity that was impossible to predict and impossible to avert. The stagnation that dooms a Lostbelt created by the kings in question in their desperation to survive. Ivan turned humanity into the Yaga and created a world of strength, where progress is impossible because everyone in his new world was too busy devouring each other to work together. Skadi created a world of weakness, where progress is impossible because she limited the population to avoid everyone dying out. There is, however, one crucial difference between the two. Not in terms of story, not in terms of characters, not in terms of themes.

“Your existence itself has already become a grave sin.”

That one line, spoken to Ivan, is the biggest difference between how the story engages things. In both Lostbelts, Ivan and Skadi did horrible things and made horrible choices because they had to, for the sake of survival. Ivan twisted humanity into monsters that lost capacity for mercy or empathy, while Skadi forced brutal population control and careless death on humanity because of her refusal to allow the giants to be destroyed. Both of them did horrible things, but only one is held to account by the story.

What Ivan did was evil, and the story recognises it. It doesn’t accept the excuse that it was all necessary for survival, because that’s irrelevant. It’s evil regardless. This same sentiment should have been expressed with Skadi, but it’s not. Ivan is condemned, but Skadi is absolved. She had no choice. She did the best she could. After building her up as all-powerful, the end of the story instead destroys her agency and power in its haste to prevent any kind of responsibility falling on Skadi’s head. Even to the very end, where she declares that she’ll kill all seven billion lives we fight for for the sake of her ten thousand, she holds back and allows us to win, despite how it butchers her character.

The biggest irony in all this is that Ivan’s world was worse than hers in ways. There was no way for the blizzards to stop, no meat besides for the demonic beasts. Crops couldn’t grow, and instead of living in peace, the Yaga were constantly tormented and killed by the Oprichniki. There were no liveable areas like there are in Lostbelt 2, no merciful ruler that sees all, and controls the greatest threats, no peaceful villages where food can be grown. There’s far more justification for Ivan to claim he had no choice and that he did all he did for survival, because it’s hard to see what his choices were. But Skadi? Skadi intentionally does not act and intentionally allows suffering and pain to come to her children, both actively by not saving Gerda, and passively by allowing the giants to take land they don’t need. Despite this, Skadi is absolved, because the story desperately wants her to be a tragic waifu that you love.

There’s lots more I could talk about. How Sitonai was pointless and existed only for a pathetic FSN reference. How Gerda was a cowardly and manipulative piece of writing compared to Patxi. How Ophelia’s story of always being told what to do is resolved not by her taking the step to freedom herself, but being told to free herself by someone else. The constant repetition that plagues the chapter, the weirdly prevalent sexism that everyone gets in on when it comes to Ophelia’s love life, the nonsense of the final battle itself, the absolute nonsense of Skadi being Scáthach-Skadi. I could even talk about how I’d fix the chapter, because boy howdy there’s a lot there.

There’s lots more I could talk about, but this is already very long, and I think it speaks for itself. Obviously asks are available if anyone wants me to examine them in more detail, but for now, I’ll finish off with one last reminder.

Lostbelt 2 is bad.

#FGO #fgo lostbelt #cosmos in the lostbelt #Lostbelt 2 #Fate Grand Order #Fate/Grand Order

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bsbloglife · 3 years

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September 23, 2021…tomorrow I leave my family for 3 weeks, to care for my parents back home. I’m nervous, scared, excited, sad, relieved, and so many other emotions that I cannot begin to name off because my mind is a jumbled mess. I’m looking forward to finally seeing my parents after a little over two years, but so heartbroken to leave my children and husband behind. I do have a sense of relief that now I’ll finally be able to take care of the issues regarding my parents’ needs.

I take off from Orlando in the early afternoon, to arrive in Toronto a few hours later, only to wait for 3+ hrs before my flight to Montreal. My sister-in-law will be coming to the airport to pick me up, then we’ll be heading over to the hotel where my parents have been holed up for over 4 and a half months. My parents don’t know I’ll be arriving tomorrow, but the caregiver is aware. She’ll be waiting for my call to say that I’ve arrived and that I’m on the way. In fact, I’ll be the one caring for my parents the first weekend that I arrive. My father is the one who needs the most help, hopefully he’ll be ok with me cleaning him up when he needs it. This will be interesting! Maybe he won’t recognize me and think that I’m another caregiver. I’m laughing at the thought, but it’s painful to think he won’t remember me. We’ll soon find out. Tomorrow this time I’ll be at the hotel with my parents.

In fact, tomorrow almost didn’t happen. I received a call today from my son’s middle school and as soon as I saw that name pop up on my phone at 1:15pm, I knew it wasn’t going to be a good call. When I answered the phone I waited a few seconds, hoping that maybe it was one of those automated calls from the principal. After a few seconds when I didn’t hear that automated voice come on, I knew something was wrong, so I said “hello?”, to which the school nurse proceeded to tell me her name and that she was calling about my son. I’m sure my response, “oh no, this is not good”, confused her a little bit, which I sensed from her hesitation to continue on. I said that for a few reasons; 1 - she’d only be calling me if something bad happened, 2 - I was leaving for Canada the next day, this seriously cannot be happening, and 3 - what if he has Covid?? I would have to reschedule my trip. I think other things popped in my mind, but right now I can’t remember what they were. She then said he was not feeling well; sore throat, chills, headache, but no fever. I told her I’d be there within 10 minutes. When I got to the school he looked ill, with those glassy eyes and sad face, trying to pull his arms into his shirt because he was getting chilly. I carried his bag and we headed to the car. He told me that he was sorry to put pressure on me because he knew that I had to leave tomorrow. I told him that I believed everything happened for a reason and maybe it wasn’t meant for me to go. My first thought was having to reschedule my trip, because if he had Covid I didn’t want to bring it home to my parents. Then I thought that I would need to get him tested, just to be sure. If he was positive, then I would reschedule the trip. If he was negative, then I would continue as planned. Stupid me, I thought that picking up a Covid Home testing kit would be easy. Just go to the closest pharmacy. Little did I know that these testing kits were like hot cakes and everybody wanted them! There were no Covid testing kits to be found…anywhere!!! My very good friend Bri helped me find one of the last remaining kits in town, after she searched and searched and searched, even going to the closest Walmart by her place to pick up a kit which was supposedly in stock. Only to find out that she missed the last kit by a few minutes! She drove with me to the only pharmacy in town with a kit. You know, that’s a real friend. You find out who your real friends are when they inconvenience themselves to help you, but they truly don’t think they are going out of their way. They are helping you because they genuinely care, when anyone else would be telling you, “good luck finding a kit”, instead she said, “let me get dressed and go to my Walmart that says they have them in stock. I’ll pick it up for you then meet you.” I mean, seriously?!?! Then she drove across town with me to get that last remaining kit, which she found after calling several pharmacies in town, and then begging them to hold it for her. I’ll never forget her kindness. I’m sure she had other things to do than to spend hours searching for a rapid Covid testing kit for my son. What was really beautiful, was that she never made it seem like a hassle. She made it seem that she actually enjoyed helping me. I cherish this girl! (Btw, my son was negative, thankfully!!)

Speaking of kindness, when I texted my cousins back home to tell them that I was coming, they offered me their homes to stay in, they offered me cars to drive, they offered me support in any way that I needed it. My one cousin offered me his daughter’s car, only with her permission of course. I told him that I didn’t mind driving his Maserati, just in case she didn’t want me to drive her Mini Cooper. I still haven’t heard back from him regarding this…. Walter? Hello?? My cousin Nadia was there for me that weekend when I decided to resign, because I needed to talk to someone about my decision to leave my career to care for my parents. She understood my pain. She too worked very hard for her career. She listened, offered her advice and helped me decide that the right thing to do would be to follow my heart. My heart wanted to be there for my parents. If I didn’t follow my heart, my conscience would never be clear and I would be useless to my family. I’ll never forget my cousin Alain and how he took care of my parents needs the day after the fire. He went to the house and dealt with the insurance people and helped my parents navigate the first few days of this terrible event. He was my savior, and theirs too. These kindnesses will never be forgotten.

My best friends back home Tina and Karen, offering me clothing, food, a place to stay. Even offering me their time when painting, decluttering and whatever else I’ll need to get done at the house. I cannot do anything without their support…without all of my friends and families support. My sister-in-law Anna will be there for me when I first arrive and each and every day that I am there. She lives just down the street from my parents place and has often been the one that my mom has called when they needed help. I cannot repay any of these people for their goodness, kindness, love and support. I can only hope that someday I am able to provide them with the same.

Here at home, one of my best friend’s has changed her whole schedule at work to accommodate taking care of my son every morning while I’m away. She rearranged her life for mine. She has literally become the family that I don’t have that lives just down the street. You know what I mean, that family member that lives close by that cares for your kids because you don’t have anyone else?? She literally rearranged her entire life to help me. I cannot thank Lisa and her son CJ enough for caring for my son like he is their family. She spoils him like she does her own sons. I told her to back off a little, because I didn’t want my son to like her more than her likes me. She laughed and said that wasn’t possible, because all my son did was talk about me. He better, good boy!

Speaking of family, tomorrow morning our friends, who we call family and in fact made them godparents to our son, will be driving me to the airport. I feel bad for Pat and Kelly, because they’ll be hearing me cry as we drive away after I say goodbye to my husband and children. I know those painful cries won’t be easy to handle. They’ll be seeing me off at the airport, which I know won’t be easy, because this will mean that I’m really leaving.

Honestly though, I really couldn’t do any of this without my family’s support, especially my husband. If he didn’t have my back, supporting my decision, and taking on most of the responsibilities with me gone for three weeks, then none of this would be possible. He has supported me financially, emotionally and spiritually. Without him I couldn’t do this. Without my children helping me by not begging me to stay, I am able to go. They have cried, they have told me they didn’t want me to go, but they haven’t forced me in a corner where the guilt of their pain would make me stay. I couldn’t do it without their support. My daughter stepping up to the plate by being me for the next three weeks, picking up my son from school, making sure he gets fed and taken to his activities.

Part of me thinks that I’m being such a big baby about this. I should just shut my mouth, stop the crying and just face this head on without fear. I want to, I really do. I feel ashamed that I can’t handle this with the grace and dignity that I know most people in my position would have. I try to have the courage and strength that I need to go forward, but the fear of the unknown has me scared. I’m afraid of leaving my family, what if something happens. It won’t be easy for me to come back home. I have to get a flight. I have to get Covid tested, which takes a day or two. I can’t just jump on a plane and come back. I’m scared I won’t be here if I’m needed. I try to get those things out of my head. I try to have relief knowing that I cannot control things out of my control, I have to let whatever may be just be. Then go from there. I know that this needs to be done and now I’ll finally be doing what I set out to do when I resigned from my career. This is the decision I made, now I will continue on with this journey.

Onward and upward!

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