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sepublic · 3 years

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The Dinner and Battle of the Bands!!!

I LOOOOOOVVVEEEDDDD this episode you guys! Just everything about it, it serves as SUCH an excellent character study, for Sasha in particularly obviously, but just in general too!

And I love the mundane hilarity of it too! Just getting to see protagonists and antagonists interact and get into more mundane hijinx, do their own thing… Grime’s whole tidbit with his secret performance and keeping Sasha out, and his Vol-cake-no, it was genuinely hilarious and I looked forward to it so much! It reminded me a lot of the stories I used to write when I was a younger, the fun I had, so it was weirdly nostalgic as an episode, too? Just the antics, the people splitting off and doing their own thing, I loved it SO much!

I’ll say it here again, but… Sasha really IS a brute, in a lot of ways- A brute who clumsily swings around power and control, because it’s all she really knows! Sure she might seem more manipulative, but fundamentally she is a brute who is afraid and panics and blindly exercises her power and gets in over her head, accidentally hurts those she cares about, etc. And, seeing her contrast with Grime… It’s such a fun way of showing how their roles have lowkey reversed as they’ve taken the others’ advice! Grime is now much more of a tactical leader willing to make concessions for his alliances, be smart and strategic as an experienced veteran too… And Sasha is young and rowdy, she refuses to back down, she wants to rely more on brute force now as she weirdly self-actualizes, and is enabled to be worse, at the same time!

And I LOVE it! The juxtaposition of Grime seeming like the tough guy but now he’s more emotionally intelligent, and maybe in some ways he always was fundamentally the more strategic kind of dude… And Sasha seems all dainty as a little girl, but NO she’s terrifying powerful and ruthless, utterly vicious! How she refuses to back down for Sprig, because she NEEDS control, and I love how they say it aloud and out right! No skirting around the issue, just blatantly in your face that YES, this is how she is, this is what she wants; Putting it into WORDS for people who sort of resonate?

Sometimes it’s show don’t tell, but sometimes tell is ALSO just as important, if not moreso! And I love how we see Sasha actually struggle to apply herself on a mundane level… It’s easier to concede control in a life-or-death situation, but what about every day, day-to-day, regular interactions? Where it’s not a matter of life or death, so it feels easier to extend yourself because the stakes aren’t as obvious, right? And I love how Sasha cares but she thinks that it’s her responsibility, and it’s kind of draining and exhausting for her, to control and look after others- And she lowkey resents it but it’s all she knows, so she’s mad at Anne and Marcy because she thinks that’s what they want from her, is it not??!?

But it’s not- And Sasha has to recognize that, and she finds some lowkey liberation and freedom in realizing that she doesn’t NEED to be afraid and in control, that her friends DO value her! And I love Anne sticking up for herself, being able to apply her own wisdom and act as a mentor to Sasha this time… Again, I love see protagonists exercise their wisdom because it shows their growth, it changes perspectives in a very sonder sort of way, AND it’s showing how people can break the cycle of pain and loneliness, by offering their own guidance this time!

And MARCY… I like that Marcy’s just a bystander to all of this. Not really sticking up for Anne all that much, but neither Sasha… Lowkey, I’m starting to read her as like an opportunist? Not really stepping in, just waiting to see whoever seizes control… A go-with-the-flow kind of girl who just wants someone to protect her, tell her what to do- She’s kind of antithetical to Anne who needs to stand up for herself almost? And YEAH Marcy also needs her own independence too, we established that in her debut… But like, if she’s not directly involved, she just lets it be? And that fits into Marcy being more focused on her own things…

She’s just waiting to see which friend wins out before siding with them? Not AGAINST the other one, but she’s just kind of a bystander, she doesn’t have quite a stance besides for herself, it’s almost mercenary even! And it fits with her speculated relationship with Andrias, how she’s going with him because he offers her what SHE wants, after Anne chose the Plantars, and I just UGH it’s so clever and good! Marcy really is like a hidden dagger that you never see coming, like a scorpion that you don’t notice, it’s SO good… She’s like a poisonous frog despite being more of a Newt- Tiny and harmless and cute at first glance, but just as deadly if not moreso, because you don’t see her coming! And it fits the kind of Rogue, Ranger role she has I feel, compared to the more boisterous and demanding attention Sasha, or the noble on-the-front-lines Anne!

But yeah, I love the insight into Sasha, I ADORE how she admits that she likes herself, doesn’t want to change, and how that plays a big role into if she will or not… And Anne’s like, FINE, but just recognize that I’VE changed too! It’s not something grand like Sasha surrendering to Anne in a revolution (which could happen), what’s first and foremost is Sasha making the little concessions here or there, simply for Anne’s sake and respect, no dangerous, larger-than-life situation… But something mundane, humble, and down to earth, like back at home- Which shows us that if the girls make their way home, the lessons WILL stick, even in a more simple kind of setting and context!

The development and establishment, the themes, the way the three girls all come together and interact, some more subtle than others… It’s utterly brilliant, BRILLIANT, and I simultaneously can’t wait for but also dread the season finale! I’m really liking that Sasha’s change is being worked on in a mundane sort of sense, that she realizes she can support without control, that it involves trusting those she supports to be able to decide for themselves, and that goes with her recognizing that Anne herself has changed… And I love how even if she changes her mind, just a bit more growth is shown, if not all of it, with how Sasha leaves the band at first!

I think it mirrors her current development, how she DOES recognize Anne and Marcy’s independence, but Sasha thinks that means she’s no longer needed, that she’s incompatible… So she leaves, so she’s showing growth but not ALL of it, and the rest of that growth comes when she realizes that she CAN still co-exist and interact with them as friends! That she doesn’t have to be away from them, yes she HURT them, but she can stop that and switch to support instead! Sasha is SUCH a fascinating character, she’s SO GOOD YOU GUYS!!! No need for separatism, you CAN get along, AND respect each other’s autonomy and difference, it’s not you’re all the same and get along, OR you’re all different but separate; You can work over this and with it!!!

#amphibia #amphibia sasha #sasha waybright #amphibia marcy #marcy wu #amphibia anne #anne boonchuy #amphibia grime #captain grime #meta #character analysis #speculation

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ultimatetrashgoblin · 3 years

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My thoughts on Immortal Heart Society

DISCLAIMER: These are my OPINIONS. I do not claim any of this as fact, you are allowed to disagree with me. (Spoilers for Cassius and Alanna season 1)

First impressions for this series could have been better. There are plenty of problems with this series so far that I will address, but for now, let’s focus on the positives.

The writing is beautiful. As an avid reader and writer, one of my biggest pet peeves is lazy and unimaginative writing. IHS had some incredibly written lines, and I was immediately hooked even if I hated the love interests.

(I don’t have many screenshots but here are a few I did take)

The plot is interesting. While the pacing is a bit off at times, I found the concept of a corrupt secret society intriguing, and the mysteries surrounding the father was enough to get me invested.

The Inner Circle is (mostly) likable. I’m a sucker for found family, and my favorite series on this app (EAA, QoT, GIL, etc.) will usually have plenty of group banter, and the Inner Circle is no exception. One of my favorite scenes in Alanna’s route was in Richard’s office when everyone realized Alanna and FMC were exes.

Kiran. No further explanation. Lovestruck let me date her please.

For the most part, IHS seems like a promising series. But of course, when you have plenty of amazing side characters who would make wonderful LIs, you decide to premiere your series with the arrogant asshole and the compulsive liar.

Cassius Tarkhan

I should probably begin by saying I’m usually not a fan of the “rude, snarky, arrogant” LIs and read Cassius’s route solely because I was excited for the new series. So please take what you’re about to read with a grain of salt, since I am probably extremely biased against him.

This is a direct quote from me reading Cassius’s first few episodes: “I want to punch this man in his stupid fucking face.” I said this out loud, which should give you an indication of what’s to come.

As far as first meetings go, Cassius was probably one of the worst. At first it was all “fun banter oh look at the chemistry” until he sees the invitation and becomes the most insufferable pricks I have ever seen. (I’m sorry, but was that supposed to be romantic?! If I were in FMC’s position, I would be terrified!)

Most of the season went by with Cassius being infuriating and not telling FMC anything, and me questioning if I was actually supposed to like the guy I was supposed to be romancing. The villain dude (I don’t care enough about him to try to remember his name) was boring and creepy. I also had a strong desire to punch him in the face, but I’ll settle for him turning to stone.

It wasn’t until the season finale that I actually started to like Cassius. He started to open up more to FMC, he showed vulnerability, and was generally more tolerable. Hopefully we’ll be able to see more of this Cassius in later seasons, because I believe that it might save his route and maybe I won’t want to punch him in the face as badly.

As for the ending, I’ve read the final episode multiple times and I’m still not exactly sure what happened in that final scene. Cassius tells FMC that he won’t let her meet with the Society on her own and then... is he about to kiss her? This is a genuine question I’m asking I honestly couldn’t tell. It seemed like he was going to but it was very unclear to me.

If I was going to rate this season as a whole, I’d give it a 3 out of 10. Hope to see better next season, because he does have the potential to be better, but that wasn’t shown until the end of the season.

Alanna McKenna

At first, I liked Alanna’s route. I was excited about have an LI who was an ex, she was attractive (except for that weird smirk expression what was that???), she was funny, and I’ve already talked about how much I love the writing.

Then the lying started. I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with my family, many of which are narcissistic pathological liars, so I consider myself pretty decent at figuring out patterns in their behavior. And Alanna fits them to a T.

Please note that I am in no way educated on this topic and do not have the authority to state anything as fact. I am making observations based on personal experience dealing with people like this, and I encourage you to view Alanna’s behavior for yourself and come up with your own conclusions.

My first red flag was the emotional manipulation. Near the beginning, this was in the form of flattery. If FMC started asking questions, Alanna would flirt with her, which would cause FMC to either become flustered or flirt back, both outcomes momentarily distracting her from the original topic.

To FMC’s credit, she does notice when Alanna starts deflecting (she mentions recognizing certain behaviors from when they were together), but she backs down. As someone who hates confrontation, I can understand FMC’s reasoning for this. I find trying to communicate certain issues with these people exhausting. It tends to feel like speaking to a broken record, and can become emotionally draining. However, this is the exact outcome that these people want. They hate being called out on their lies, and when pushed further (in my experience), they tend to result to guilt tripping.

The flirting I could ignore. When I first read it, I thought that was just her personality (which is partially true). But then FMC stood her ground more, and Alanna fell apart. She started crying, talking about how much pressure she was under, making up excuses (a prime example of this was her saying that she thought ghosting FMC would make it easier, which I’ll touch on later), and causing FMC to doubt her (valid) reasons for being angry with Alanna.

I feel like it’s also necessary to talk about Alanna interacting with the other society members. FMC was noticeably uncomfortable with how genuine Alanna seemed to be, and I understand the feeling of betrayal of thinking you know a person, only to see them act like a complete stranger at the drop of a hat. The mental turmoil of wondering which version of this person is the real them, and whether your entire relationship was all a lie.

That part was way longer than I expected, so let’s talk about the “villain”. I’m glad that Arabella isn’t the big bad even if she tried to kill FMC, because she seems like such a genuine person and I’m tired of season WOC be villainized in visual novels (I’m not naming names but you know what apps I’m talking about Choices). I hope that FMC and Alanna will be able to help her and her sister, and that Arabella will get a redemption arc in the future and maybe a route.

The cliffhanger was actually sort of unexpected. FMC finally called Alanna out on her bs (GOOD👏FOR👏HER👏) and tried to leave the Society. Lowkey kind of scared to see how they follow this up in season 2, because it seems like they’re ready to murder FMC.

If we ignore the LIs themselves, I did prefer Alanna’s route to Cassius’s. I feel like we got to see more of the other characters, and I thought the pacing was better. But I don’t like either of them. As I’ve said Cassius seems like he’s improving, but Alanna? Nope. I’m staying for the plot and Arabella, but I’m more than willing to drop her route if this pattern continues (especially if I decide it’s too triggering for me, my mental health is more important).

Rating: 2/10

Final thoughts

As I stated previously, while IHS’s initial premiere wasn’t the best, I believe this series has the potential to be good. My main issues are with the pacing, and above all, the LIs (which isn’t good for a visual novel story centered around romancing the LIs).

Overall rating: 3/10

This is my first time doing something like this so any feedback would be very appreciated. Feel free to offer any criticisms, and let me know if I should make a series out of this! (This did take me a while so if I decide to continue doing this it might not be posted until a day or two later)

#immortal heart society #this was way longer than I thought it would be #but I’m proud of it #blaire reviews

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zoeology31 · 6 years

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On Star Wars: The Last Jedi

So I saw Star Wars last Sunday. Between critics bowing down to it and plenty of people on here mourning it’s train-wreck qualities, I was pretty apprehensive, but I wanted to at least see for myself.

The verdict: Most of the movie is a giant mess and I’m glad J.J. Abrams is coming back for IX, but it does pack a punch in some parts. Once my life gets a little less busy, I’ll probably join the growing number of fans and write a fix-it fic.

Major spoilers below. Seriously, I’m about to spoil pretty much everything.

I get that this movie was trying to comment on the hardships of war and how people have to keep their priorities straight and make sacrifices, but did they have to kill so many people? The bombers, all the X-wing pilots except for Poe, the Resistance leadership, everyone who wasn't on the main Resistance cruiser, half the transport vessels, and half the skimmer pilots? None of those were even a fair fight, because they couldn’t fire back. It was just slaughter, and it got painful to watch after a while. The deaths that had the most meaning were the individuals who directly chose to sacrifice their lives for the rebellion: Paige, Holdo, and Luke.

Speaking of fair fights, where were my iconic Star Wars battles? The only fighter-to-fighter combat was at the very beginning and ended with the bombers destroyed and Poe demoted. Rey spent more time fighting Luke than the actual main bad guys, and while her tag-team with Kylo Ren against the guards was cool, I couldn’t really enjoy it because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And of course Luke’s battle with Kylo Ren, while awesome, doesn’t really count.

A lot of moments felt unnecessary, if not extremely uncomfortable, and took away from the story, including: Rose electrocuting Finn (she could’ve just waved the taser in front of his face and let him explain the tracking situation, with the same overall result), the porgs, the pointless alien nuns, Luke milking the alien seal slug thing, Luke’s comment about Jakku being “pretty much nowhere”, Luke slapping Rey with a leaf, shirtless Kylo Ren in high-waisted pants, 90% of the shots of Kylo Ren looking sad, Rose and Finn (again) getting electrocuted for a parking violation, that opera alien at Canto Bight that looked like someone’s fetish, BB-9E, 75% of DJ, Hux slapping Finn with no consequence, BB-8 driving the AT-ST, Leia slapping Poe, Holdo saying “Godspeed”, Holdo stroking Poe’s face, that thing with Rey and the time dilation in the cave, Yoda’s weirdly corporeal Force ghost, the golden dice from the Falcon, Poe saying “you’re not dead”, that one dude tasting the salt on Crait, Rose kissing Finn, and the awkward introduction between Poe and Rey (weren’t they introduced at the end of TFA?).

What happened to the Force in this movie? The whole Force bond idea felt incredibly shoehorned, and since we don’t find out that Snoke was behind it until much later, we’re expected to believe Rey and Kylo Ren share some “special connection” because plot. It did wind up being pretty cool when Luke used it at the end to trick Kylo Ren, but I’m not clear on why he died immediately afterwards. Was it too draining? Did Kylo Ren running his projection through have a physical effect on him? Did he just voluntarily stop existing? And if Force ghosts can summon lightning, what’s stopping them from intervening further in the world of the living? Why hasn’t Anakin just showed up and killed Kylo Ren? Then of course there’s Leia floating through space despite never demonstrating any abilities beyond emotion sensing before.

Kylo Ren. I am unimpressed with the movie’s repeated attempts to create sympathy for him to the detriment of other characters. Your uncle drawing a lightsaber on you is not in any way an excuse to try to kill him, burn down his temple, and murder all his students who refused to join you. Besides, doesn’t this contradict canon in Bloodline or something? He’s still just as whiny, manipulative, and flat-out evil as in TFA, but now he’s responsible for even more deaths (remember, he fired the shot that blew up the X-wing hangar).

How are we supposed to buy Rey suddenly believing “there’s still good in him” or whatever when Kylo Ren killed her father figure, gravely injured her best friend, tortured her, and is in the process of racking up an even higher body count? TFA Rey is too smart for that, and she would never compromise her new family for the tiniest chance of redeeming a grown man who’s clearly made his choice and whom she owes nothing to. Luke didn’t start trying to redeem Vader until after he learned Vader was his father, what excuse does Rey have? Not only does Rey Nobody make no sense in the context of this movie, it ignores all the parallels and setup of TFA and turns Rey from the rightful Skywalker heir to some random girl who is arbitrarily powerful and arbitrarily the main character.

Because Rian Johnson lives under the delusion that Kylo Ren is somehow the male lead, Finn was forced into an extraneous sideplot and romance that repeated his character arc from TFA. Between getting electrocuted twice, falling into racist stereotypes at the casino, needing Rose to explain everything to him, getting slapped by Space Hitler, and being cheated out of a full-length, emotionally emphasized fight scene against his lifelong oppressor, Finn generally suffers some of the worst treatment of any character in the movie. The casino plot was tedious and its moral felt forced, and the undercover scene aboard the Star Destroyer was disappointingly short and ended in failure. Being sidelined meant Finn wasn’t written as wildly out of character as Rey or Poe, and John Boyega’s acting ensured we still saw the Finn we all know and love, but it was still an incredible disservice to his character.

Even though he got quite bit more screentime, Poe was almost a different character in this movie than in TFA. In the movie, comics, and tie-in novels, he had very clear strengths and flaws: charismatic, selfless, loyal, and an excellent strategist, but too willing to sacrifice himself and not good at thinking long-term. This is all thrown out the window in TLJ, making Poe instead a stereotypical Latino hothead who’s reckless ideas cost dozens of lives and who constantly battles his (white female) superiors. When he mutinies, we’re expected to agree with Holdo and be happy when she lectures him about hope and honorable retreats, but Holdo’s smarmy attitude and refusal to tell Poe the plan makes him seem like the reasonable one. Not only was Poe’s arc a lesson he didn’t need to learn, it was insulting, frustrating to watch, and poorly executed.

The three new characters were unnecessary and stretched the story too thin. DJ was practically useless and his verbal tics were more annoying than quirky. His only role was to show the grey morality of the war, but it would’ve been smoother for Finn to just observe and make his own comments, rather than have DJ and Rose give clunky exposition. Rose was a sweetheart, but her character was completely static and acted more as Finn’s morality pet than an independent person. Her tasering Finn at the start and kissing him at the end was probably supposed to be character development, but both felt forced. Holdo was a terrible leader and difficult to root for until her death scene, which was incredible but would’ve been more impactful with a character we had time to get attached to.

There were some things I liked about the movie. The cinematography was gorgeous when sets were properly lit, especially on Ach-To and Crait, and it had some truly stunning scenes, like Holdo wrecking the First Order fleet, Luke seeing the twin suns on Tatooine, and Rey lifting the rocks for the Resistance. The main cast was as attractive as ever, helped by some top-notch costuming. Despite exchanging zero words, Rey and Finn’s strong relationship was clear as day, and their reunion was fantastic. When Rey swooped in on the Falcon to give the skimmers cover fire and Finn cheered, that was my “I’m watching Star Wars” moment.

Luke’s arc was comparatively decent; he was too surly and irreverent at the beginning, but his criticisms of the old Jedi order made sense and his stand against Kylo Ren was the closest this movie got to iconic. Luke and Leia’s reunion was one of the most emotionally touching moments, and it doesn’t surprise me that Carrie Fisher wrote it. I liked the ending; everyone was together and getting along, the Resistance was safe aboard the Falcon, and Rey literally shut the door in Kylo Ren’s face. Even with the weird sympathy track, it’s clear he won’t be redeemed and it’ll be interesting to see him as the main villain.

#star wars #the last jedi #analysis #rey #finn #poe dameron #rose tico #luke skywalker #leia organa #amilyn holdo #kylo ren #my stuff

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ssaalexblake · 6 years

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In reference to your Asher live blogs he made good points. Michaela is the only person he has left in terms of family and the whole reason he fell out of touch with his father were the lies that he told him so it’s kinda of like this person who he has left is lying to him and sneaking around and it makes sense why he would be mad like I feel like that can’t really be invalidated also I the person to really blame overall is Laurel for how she acted

Michaela didn't tell him anything and lied to him so he wouldn't get murdered. I feel like maybe that was something he could maybe have considered in his assessment of the situation once he got past his gut reaction. Like, it's not like Michaela didn't tell him because she thought he was boring to be around, or something superficial. She was genuinely trying to keep him safe and alive. One of her main thoughts throughout this was actually his safety. Unlike his main thought on this. Which is, you know, all about him. And instead of worrying that his girlfriend whom he "loves" was doing something that could get her killed, his biggest issue was that he wasn't told about it, which suddenly morphs into his biggest problem being that she kept the wedding dress she never got to wear, because like, OF COURSE Michaela is supposed to have no emotional connection to her past at all!!! because as always, this is only about Asher! Michalela only gets to have emotional attachments to the parts of her life he's in. Michaela doesn't know best about her own family life and past. Michaela just doesn't get it!!! like dude, what the fuck. She loved a guy, she's allowed to have a past and remain attached to that past without it meaning she doesn't care about him. If he honest to god thinks that Michaela keeping that goddamn dress means he doesn't mean enough to her, he's not even marginally mature enough to be anywhere near her. She's not some inexperienced 18 year old girl, she's a woman with a past and romantic history, and she's allowed to have that without being manipulated to think she's being unfailthful or straight up not good enough for him because she has feelings and emotions regarding that past. But again, all of this goes back to the fact that all of this is about him. I don't begrudge him being pissed off, it's a natural instinct, it's how his anger demonstrated how much of a self centered bag of dicks he still is that i am disgusted at. He's not mature enough to be in a relationship with her, he demonstrated that by not being able to handle that she wasn't quite ready to let go of a wedding dress that she had absolutely NO intention of wearing for her ex-fiance. Hell, fuck, she's not loaded, he didn't even know if she was keeping it to wear for when she did eventually get married, which honestly wouldn't surprise me from (formerly) rich white guy who got given everything by dad. And then, instead of stopping Michaela from throwing $20,000 down the fucking drain, he straight up lets her destroy the dress. For nothing but his babyish ego. Last I checked she was supporting them both, in her own apartment, while he does nothing, and he can't even retract his own head from his ass long enough to put his own shit to the side for a second and say 'you know what, don't destroy it, we don't have a lot of money and it means something to you' or fuck it (this is still fucked up and emotionally manipulative tho) take her willingness to destroy it as proof of her caring. and i'm not even gonna go into everything being Laurel's fault, that's absolutely bullcrap. They're all adults, is laurel being shady as fuck right now? Yeah, she is, but she's not the one who murdered her boyfriend and started this all, and she's also not the one hiding secret cameras in women's apartments to spy on them. So at least she's not a total creep, i guess. Unlike somebody. He's a goddamn self-centered creep who cannot possibly fathom the world not revolving around him. Him reacting annoyed and upset WAS valid, sure, right up until the point he told everybody WHY he was upset and invalidated, that's when we found out he was full of crap.Peoples emotions can make sense and still mean they're full of crap. I totally buy that this would all, in Asher's head, be all about his own feelings. You seem to think that to disdain him, i must misunderstand his emotional reaction to this. No. I disdain him actively because I do understand him and find him utterly worthy of scorn because of it. He's not learnt anything at all. He's still the priviledged, annoying straight white guy from the pilot at heart, this just showed it fully. (and for the record, the only character on this show i properly actually like is Annalise, do don't @ me with favoritism, they all annoy the crap out of me a lot of the time, but asher just takes the cake tbh)

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black-sheep-blues · 6 years

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Spiritual Abuse: Texts

I want to do something I haven’t been able to do. I saved the texts I received from the abusive church. I want to go through them and comment on the different levels of manipulation and domineering that took place.

This was years ago, and my heart is still racing having read over the portion of the final text they sent me. But I’ve talked about it before. Three men deciding my refusal to meet one of them in person was sinful. The part of the final text where they call me out for it is the part I’mma share today. So there’s Me, my partner, Pastor 1 (who was the one I told to stop asking me to meet him to discuss my spiritual state) and Pastor 2 who wrote the final text. Pastor 3 was in the group message and chose not to point out how inappropriate his colleagues were. Here’s the portion of the text for today: (ALL THE CONTENT WARNINGS for gaslighting, spiritual abuse, Christianese, manipulation etc)

Selection from the Final text from Pastor 2:

Your issues with Pastor 1: The reason Pastor 1 wanted to meet in person and was persistent about that wasn’t because he wasn’t listening to you or respecting your space, but because he was listening to you and knew you were making very unwise decisions. Additionally, only a church that doesn’t care for you or your soul would just let you leave in the manner you did and not seek a personal meeting to talk. Our pursuit of you and [your partner] should express our desire to hear you and care for you. Pastor 1’s actions in caring for [your partner], they express love for him, they do not treat him as “a project” …churches that treat people as projects don’t labor in prayer over their souls for months pleading with the Lord to grant repentance, they don’t show up at their house to love and care for the person as Pastor 1 has for [your partner] and you. Pastor 1 isn’t driving [your partner] further away from God, [Your Partner] willing has chosen to rebel against God, (and [partner name] if you read this, I also plead with you to repent of your sin and turn to Jesus, the only one who can save your soul …or mine). [my name] you need to understand, you are not understanding Biblical love. Biblical love pursues those who are doubting, and fleeing and disassociating themselves. Biblical love is leaving the ninety-nine and go after the one. Thats not being judgmental or treating someone like a project, thats Christ-like pastoral care for the flock. You have come in contact with a shepherd who cares for you and truly believes you will stand before Christ and give an account. Additionally, you should never feel justified speaking the way you have, to the one God has appointed to care for your soul. He is only trying to help, I think you know that. I will add, Pastor 1 is not mad and doesn’t hold it against you, he has not spoken judgmentally behind your back. Pastor 1, and I care for you both.

Gross right?

Lets pick this shit apart.

but because he was listening to you and knew you were making very unwise decisions

We know more about you than you do. You had clearly said “NO.” on multiple occasions, and even pointed out we were ignoring that. And yes. we ignored your request, but only because we know what’s good for you.

…churches that treat people as projects don’t labor in prayer over their souls for months pleading with the Lord to grant repentance, they don’t show up at their house [unannounced I might add] to love and care for the person as Pastor 1 has for [your partner] and you. Pastor 1 isn’t driving [your partner] further away from God, [Your Partner] willing has chosen to rebel against God,

This is a common one. No no no, we aren’t legalistic, we aren’t abusive and domineering. Not like those other churches. You’re just willfully misunderstanding us. Our refusal to respect boundaries and personal space is a sign of our love not our need for control. You not accepting our lack of respect for you is a sign that you are sinful.

[my name] you need to understand, you are not understanding Biblical love.

This has so much weight, and history and connotation attached to it and the whole christian environment that I was raised in, that I can’t succinctly unpack it here. But this is part of daily life in fundamentalist communities. We hurt you because we love you. The only reason it hurts is because you don’t understand it.

Additionally, you should never feel justified speaking the way you have, to the one God has appointed to care for your soul. He is only trying to help, I think you know that.

Ya’ll wanna see what I said to him? I’ll just post the text that followed a conversation where I was more than gracious to answer questions that were fairly rude and invasive. But at the time, I figured they legitimately didn’t know they’d done anything hurtful, so I’d just tell them, yeah it isn’t working out, I’m gonna go try to understand god somewhere else (I was still a christian at the time). He kept asking me the same questions phrased differently and he was not considerate about responding quickly, so this would stretch over weeks where I had to wait for his responses. So, here’s what I said that could never be justified for:

Hi Pastor 1, Thanks for your reply and your concern. In response to your response First-it seems you are still concerned that I will not get the correct motives or emotion. As I said before, I am assuming the best about your intentions. But even reading with the best intentions I have some very serious concerns of my own. 1) Pastor 1, you have now asked me to meet with you/clarify why I don’t want to meet with you 4 times. I am still unwilling. For the same reasons I gave before and for this additional reason: No means no. And the fact that you are refusing to accept my answer confirms that you are not hearing me. You want the face to face meeting no matter what I say. That is very frustrating. You are ignoring my personal boundaries. It also seems as though you only skimmed what I wrote. Mainly, your concern about church attendance. -as I mentioned before, I was under the impression that [my partner] and I would be welcome only after we got our act together. That was 6 months ago. I have thought about attending a couple of times since then, but based on your actions 6 months ago, I did not think I would be welcome. Also your concern that there is a deeper issue. This is what hurt the most in your response. I told you what my deep issue was. The fact that my issue of doubt doesn’t satisfy you indicates again that you are neither listening nor assuming that I am being honest with you. I was honest. And it hurts that my honesty is ignored, plowed-over in search of some hidden sin. You can look for one. But you won’t find anything. Because I’m not struggling with a deep dark secret thing. I’m struggling with God. Just like in [previous example], I was listened to, but not heard. This is why I am not comfortable opening up. 2) your concerns about my isolation. I addressed this in my precious message as well. I am not isolated. I have a body of believers I meet with, usually a few times a week, who encourage my faith in Christ, help me work through my questions, provide a place to serve, and who give me hope that god loves me. You are not hearing me. 3) “Our concern is that you are neglecting the body and ommitting areas of obedience that God desires for you.” Thank you. Because this clarifies to me that you are more concerned that I follow the law than my spiritual state. Hold on, I know you believe the two are intertwined. I addressed the fact that attending church beat me down to the point I believed God hated me and/or everybody else. “My yoke is easy and my burden is light felt like a joke.” Attending church is not going to solve all of my problems, you’re right. But church was driving me away from God. I. Am. Seeking. God. I have more faith in God now than I did while attending [the church] 4) As to [my partner] I know the meeting was good. My partner told me so. Pastor 1, I am going to be very strong here because I love my partner and care about them. So if you hear nothing else I say, please hear this. You are driving them farther away from God. You are treating them like a project.-I assume that isn’t your intention but your aggressiveness comes off that way to them. If you truly care about them, and you truly want to help. Pray. Pray the Holy Spirit stirs them. I want them to come back to the faith some day. But you-even with good intentions-are making it significantly worse. Feeling like a project, like you’re something to be fixed is horrible. So is feeling like you’re just an item on a list to be checked off. So please, if you really do care about them, listen to me. Leave them be. Trust God to work in ways that you aren’t seeing.

Pastor 1,

I’ve answered your questions. I am learning about who God is. I am growing in the fruit of the spirit. I am rebuilding my faith. But for the reasons I’ve indicated in this message and the messages prior [church name] was not a safe place for me to struggle. Theological differences prevent me from returning. I do wish you the best and that you will continue to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our lord and savior Jesus Christ. But I am done speaking. I am tired. It is both emotionally and physically draining to open up and then be ignored. I do love you and want you to do well. I trust you will do whatever you have to do. May God grant you grace and wisdom. Love you guys.

So these dudes didn’t appreciate an underling, and a woman none the less, telling them No. This was gaslighting This was invasive This was wrong

Re-reading what I wrote, I am so fucking proud of myself. I was articulate, I was gracious, I was firm. I want to be that me in all areas of my life!

I’m no longer in the faith at all. I am so glad at the time that the christians I was spending time with were emotionally healthy and helped me through this. If it hadn’t been for them, (many of who I’m still friends with), I would’ve crumbled under this.

This is spiritual abuse.

I’d only met these men a year ago and this is the level of control they tried to exert over me.

#spiritual abuse #spiritual abuse texts #emotional abuse #codependency #manipulation #toxic masculinity #boundaries #ex christian #ex fundamentalist #ex religious #religious abuse #religious trauma syndrome #religious trauma

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violet-escapes · 7 years

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this could be a long post so bear with me here. its pride month, and its so incredible to see everyone celebrating. I want to celebrate too, however part of me does not feel entitled to it. I know that being bi and having a preference for men over women is completely valid and it doesn’t make me any less bisexual. I know this, but it still makes me feel like i can’t exactly march through the streets proclaiming how proud i am to love women. here’s why.

i dated a girl for nearly a year and a half. despite having a lifelong attraction to girls, i never really explored it much until this girl. it was an incredibly eye opening experience for me, and i think it taught me more about myself and my sexuality than i ever would have expected. being with a girl felt awesome. I felt like i was in touch with this part of myself that i’d never really acknowledged. it was empowering to go to pride and have people smile at us as we held hands in the street. it was a relief to finally talk to my lgbtq+ friends and be able to identify another thing we had in common. coming out to my closest friends was so liberating, especially to my best friend who is also bi.

all that was great, but there was another side of this whole experience too. I didn’t feel like myself. A lot of this probably has to do with the fact that my ex-gf is the first person i’d dated long term that i hadn’t known for years before the actual romantic relationship began (I also id as demisexual, so i think us only knowing each other for a short period definitely played into the identity crisis). she was also pretty different from my ex-boyfriends. always wanting my attention and actually getting upset when i didn’t want to spend the majority of my time with her. it was a pretty emotionally manipulative union, and in retrospect, i realize i was constantly drained and exhausted because of it. being in a relationship with a woman was very exciting at first. it was a secret, for the most part. i felt liberated, free from the shackles of an entire life of people assuming that I was straight. about six months in, i realized all these things I was trying to “adjust to” weren’t going away. I missed being comforted by a big strong man (or lets be real, an average sized lanky one most times). I wanted someone to be able to lift me off the ground into his arms if he so desired. I missed being able to talk about my feelings, and not usually have to deal with my partner breaking down and crying and apologizing endlessly to me (this is my specific experience, obviously all ladies don’t do this). I missed the feeling of scruff on my face when i kissed someone and i missed hearing a deeper voice in my ear at night, laughing at my jokes, and telling me everything was going to be okay. I missed a hand that would envelope mine and I missed feeling included in that big ol’ world of straight people or whatever. (and in the nsfw category of life, i missed the feeling of a body that was the opposite of mine. strong muscles that complement my softer, lankier limbs, and um...other things...you know the ones) it wasn’t just interpersonal and physical, it was social too. I didn’t tell my mom about the relationship until i was so freaked out and needed advice about whether or not i should break off the whole thing. keeping a secret that big from your parents drives space between you. its awful. (I know i could have told them, but in the back of my mind, i knew this wasn’t going to be forever, so my thoughts were something along the lines of “whats the point”) Likewise, I stopped going to church. I haven’t really ever stopped going to church since I was a teenager. (and my church wasn’t even one of those that doesn’t like the lgbtq community. i just knew I would meet disapproval and I knew they’d make me see that this wasn’t what I really wanted) I would see pictures of a man and a woman getting married, and my stomach would churn and a wave of sadness would come over me. I found myself staring at m/f couples in public and feeling jealous. a couple times i even casually said something about “my boyfriend” when I was talking to a stranger (obviously saying boyfriend in the place of girlfriend) and I would feel a huge rush of comfort and familiarity. I never really understood the intricacies of my attraction to guys, but now that i’ve dated a girl, i’m starting to, which is a weird effect. i always knew i liked how soft and sweet most girls are. i knew i liked their hair and their clothes and their curves. i love the feeling i get when i’m surrounded by other girls. there’s a special camaraderie that women share and i love being a part of it. but it took me dating someone of the same gender to really appreciate men. which is weird to me still. maybe its because i grew up with brothers, so being around a guy all the time feels very natural to me. or maybe its something else. I don’t know. I’ll wrap this up though because wow this is long. I guess all i’m trying to say is that being bisexual can be really confusing, even when you’re an old fogey (mid 20s) like myself. i love women and i’m sort of open to dating them, but i don’t tend to date people if i don’t in some way see myself marrying them and I don’t want to marry a woman. I’ll obviously continue to find women attractive. but for me, by bisexuality skews toward the dudes, and that doesn’t make me any less bi or any less part of this community that i love so much. i guess the moral of this mess of a story is that being bi looks different for everyone, and I’m really glad i’ve (mostly) figured out what it looks like for me. happy pride, friends :)

#pride #bisexuality #Bisexual #bi pride #lgbtq #long post #bi stuff #wlw #wlw tumblr #wlw tag #bisexual tag #bi tumblr #bi tag #bi things

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