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#i masked so well i thought i was neurotypical
cyber-therian · 3 months
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unmasking is so wild like wdym ive been unknowingly fabricating this feeling for years???
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panuccispizza · 7 months
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I'm like. yea whatever cool to know abt learning about autism comorbidities for myself. like it just makes sense. then I realize my dad has these symptoms too and I start crying
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waitineedaname · 1 year
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ritsu has the flavor of nd where he went undiagnosed for years bc his sibling's autism was much more obvious to people so he slipped through the cracks
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lesbianfemmefatale · 2 months
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doomed by the narrative (autistic)
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drchucktingle · 5 months
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my masks
hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.
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im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 
lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 
unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.
the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.
ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield
anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum
when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 
later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.
HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.
anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 
when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.
one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’
so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?
my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)
from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 
the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.
eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.
lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.
this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.
the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.
a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 
fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist
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feybeasts · 1 year
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I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.
It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:
Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!
If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.
Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!
Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.
People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.
People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.
There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.
Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!
When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.
Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.
Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!
ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!
Hope some of these help folks!
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snotsloth · 2 years
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I don't know if this is a hot take? But there's something that bugs me about a lot of Batman performances: the dichotomy of his Bruce and Batman voices.
Now, hear me out. Batman absolutely should have a completely different voice from Bruce. Bruce is neurotic enough to develop two completely different idiolects for his identities. Anything to throw people off the scent, right?
However! Actors usually make the choice for Bruce to be the "natural" voice and Batman to be some sort of growling affectation. I personally think it would be better for Bruce to be the fake sounding voice and Batman to be his more natural speaking voice.
Imagine, Batman with a naturally deep and resonant voice that carries a lot of authority but very little emotion. Meanwhile, Bruce's voice is very Mid-Atlantic old money playboy with an almost breathy, ditzy quality. It's all emotion! No thoughts! Just enthusiasm and good natured smiles!
This is absolutely coming straight out of my "Bruce is neurodivergent" HC. A lot of us have a natural speaking voice that sounds off to others and a performative "public" voice that we've learned to use with people we don't know very well to put them more at ease. So, it's completely possible for Bruce's natural speaking voice to be a bit more flat and his words to be more fact based in a way that would make neurotypical people nervous. And, being Bruce, he would have absolutely studied other people's voice and behavior so that he could mimic it in public.
However, masking like that is very brain resource intensive, so it would have been an easy choice to drop that for Batman. This would also mean that in private, when it's just him and the family, he also uses the "Batman" voice because that's just what he sounds like when he's not trying.
This would also lead to hilarity when Bruce does crack jokes or tease people by intentionally using his Brucie voice when they're not expecting it. Like, imagine Batman, looking Flash straight in the eye as he shows up late to a team meeting FUCKING AGAIN, and saying, "You know, old chap, for The Fastest Man Alive, you certainly know how to take your dear sweet time." IMAGINE!
TLDR: Batman is the real voice and Bruce is fake and it kind of bugs me when actors do the opposite.
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mobblespsycho100 · 1 month
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which one’s toshiro and whys he autistic?
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[ID: full body colored illustration of toshiro from the dungeon meshi manga. /End ID]
THIS FREAKIN GUY!!!! anyway
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[ID: anonymous tumblr ask: "would def love to hear ur autistic shuro thoughts". /End ID]
awesome. rant under the cut because it will be long
So before we understand why Toshiro is the way he is we must first understand two things abt him:
1. his household situation is a very traditional clan of warriors type situation. his father is very strict and he left his homeland to go to the Island and explore the dungeon to train and become a warrior to be someone suited as the family head
2. Eastern and Western cultures of respect/propriety are different, and Ryoko Kui highlights it well even in her fantasy world.
With that in mind, heres some bullet point rapid fire thoughts that consume my current state of dunmeshi brain:
Toshiro has an avoidant personality. He fears upsetting others due to his upbringing, and rarely tells others how he feels not because he thinks they would simply understand him but because he doesn't want to seem rude and imposing / cause offense to others especially since he's not in his own homeland / hes a foreigner that should respect the land's customs, not his own wishes.
Setting boundaries is hard for everyone, but especially autistic (and some other ND, like those with Avoidant Personality Disorder) people. Those with ASD, at least in my experience, don't want to be isolated from others. So they mask.
They mask what? their desires. their true selves. their opinions. their discomfort. all for the sake of pleasing others (who are often neurotypical)
With that in mind, suddenly, what Maizuru said abt him as a child makes sense. Due to his strict upbringing, Toshiro had to more or less hide his preferences and force himself to adapt to the rigid constraints of his culture and the pressure to be the next family head, this responsibility is his burden to bear and he cannot be someone who expresses his selfish desires instead of focusing on being a strong warrior and leader
"Why did he say he hate Laios and that it should've been obvious that he disliked/found Laios' treatment of him uncomfortable??" BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. I'm not going to write off Laios' autism/autistic coding, but its baffling (note: definitely racism and bias for white autistic ppl) to me that a lot of ppl don't see Toshiro's perspective and straight up ignores it. This is a lack of wanting to be rude by speaking up that is based on culture difference on Toshiro's part, and straight up ignorant of his microagressions/racism and lack of self awareness on Laios' end. They were both right, they were both wrong too. This is a complicated conflict that cannot be boiled down to simple ableist/the NT vs ND divide. There's something called . intersectionality. Which brings me to the next point
Toshiro never actually hated Laios. He found him uncomfortable, yes. But he didn't /hate/ him, he was speaking out because he's had enough!!! he's done tolerating Laios' racist bullshit, and he's done following the arbitrary Eastern rules of respecting others and not being rude!!! He. Wants. Laios. To Understand. What. He. Was. Feeling. Because he just had enough!!!!! alright!!! he's at his limit hes at his breaking point, the one he loves is now probably beyond saving, and this is a good time as any to break the news to Laios that he thinks that Laios is impulsive and doesn't fully understand how his actions have consequences!!! Hes right abt this. His feelings on this is valid, just as valid as Laios'
General autistic traits I find from Toshiro: his admiration of Falin's indifference towards insects ("woah shes so brave and gentle!! just like me, fr!!!"), His lack of regard for his own needs and wants (needing to sleep and eat and drink) because he was super focused on saving Falin, His lack of like drastic expression changes, his discomfort with physical touch when it's initiated without consent (see: Laios hugging ppl extra bonus art by Ryoko Kui), his manner of like speaking short and concise, people pleasing tendencies, his like quick way of combat, rule upholder/routine following enjoyer, he seems distant from others even those he consider family not cuz of like any terrible reason but hes just. someone who enjoys his own time alone like. yeah
aannnnndd. thats abt it? i think.
Big part of this is definitely me relating to Shiro as an Asian (specifically chinese indonesian) person who is probably Autistic lmao. I hope this brings more insight on why Toshiro is actually one of the silliest and epiccest dunmeshi characters ever I love him
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indirigo · 1 month
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My take on the Toshiro/ Laios fight
I just wanna share my opinions bc I see a lot of people here boiling it down to oh Toshiro (bc that’s his name btw not Shuro) big meanie and neurotypical hates Laios bc he’s autistic, which completely decontextualises the fight and Toshiro’s background.
Yes, I understand why people are pissed at Toshiro ,and as an autistic person who’s been alienated my whole life what he said to Laios did hit very hard, at first I was pissed too so don’t mistake me as someone completely siding with one or the other.
Also I’m a firm believer that Toshiro is autistic as well FIGHT ME.
Toshiro is first of all very sleep deprived, hasn’t eaten, and shocked not only from seeing Falin turned into a chimera but also discovering that her brother allowed dark magic to be used on her; Toshiro grew up in country with different social norms, AND in a very strict household with a not so nice father, he was taught since his childhood to suppress his emotions (mask) and not complain. This means that he will not complain about something until he has had enough and his frustration spills out unhealthily.
Toshiro ever since joining the group has been called Shuro by Laios even tho that’s not his name, and never knew how to deal with Laios’ excitement towards him (bc again he was taught to suppress his feelings).
Laios on the other hand almost does not mask at all! (Which good for him honestly) and yes he is socially awkward and has bad timing but guess what TOSHIRO IS ALSO LIKE THIS (he literally proposed to Falin after not even telling her that he likes her) Toshiro sees himself in Laios but also sees Laios as all those things he was taught were WRONG; at the end of the fight Toshiro realised he was ENVIOUS of Laios, and I feel like people blatantly ignore it.
This is also connected imo on why he “hated” Laios but fell in love with Falin even though they have similar traits (I wanna make this point clear also bc I see a lot of people treating Laios and Falin like they’re the same person, they’re not) , Falin, like Toshiro, is way more reserved and imo he projected a lot of himself on her.
Now onto the other side, Laios is right, Toshiro should’ve told him more clearly that he thought he was annoying and interrupting him and Falin a lot of the time, bc Laios had no way of knowing as he cannot read Toshiro’s mind. And that’s just the truth.
So in conclusion what I mean to say is that yes Toshiro was mean to Laios during that fight , but the argument was so much more nuanced than how some of the readers interpreted it. It’s ok to recognise that Laios also made mistakes and we know he is extremely intelligent, let’s not dumb him down for the sake of the argument.
And saying that you want Toshiro dead over this is a bit extreme😭 and I say it as someone who got the Laios treatment multiple times.
That’s all, thank you for reading🌷
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witchthewriter · 1 year
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𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲
⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!
a/n: you can take the relationship with the characters as romantic or platonic - completely up to you. Also I feel like this is a neurodivergent thing, where we pick something that looks shiny, cute or weird and gift it to someone we love. It’s the neurotypicals that usually think it’s weird...
ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ        
𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿  
𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐲 (1000% neurodivergent. Most likely has AuDHD)
・Running to Lucy to told her to shut her eyes and hold our her hands
・Would undoubtedly take the rock excitedly
・Actually would be out in the woods looking at pretty rocks with you in the first place
          “Ooh this one actually shines in the light!” She says as she holds it up to the sun. Without realising, she had found a citrine gemstone. 
・There are many different rocks in Narnia, and because of the magic, there’s no ... logic, to what can be found
・It makes humans very interested
・Both of you returning back to the castle covered in dirt but with sacks full of rocks (Peter says you can only choose your favourite 3 and the rest have to be left outside)
・Is definitely a hobby for you and Lucy
・It’s what you bonded over in the beginning of your friendship
・Has a collection in her room that she’s specifically told the servants not to get rid of (because the majority of the collection are just plain rocks)
・Would have a smooth stone that she keeps in her pocket to rub - as a form of stimming 
𝐄𝐝𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐝 (Is neurodivergent, but has masked for so long that he doesn’t know how to unmask)
・Is used to Lucy giving him trinkets, ribbons, rocks, shells etc when they were young 
・So when you present him the rock that “reminded you of him,” he blushes a little and thanks you
・He absolutely loves when people tell him “oh this made me think of you,” and it’s a positive thing ??? It blows his mind
・Edmund has no judgement. He just thinks it’s normal. Unlike some people who think it’s just plain weird (idk why they think it’s weird. It’s so human to want to collect things.) 
・Edmund actually has a momento of each place that he’s visited. Both in Narnia and the human world. 
・At home he has snow globes, pins, train tickets, pens, pamphlets, etc in his room, to remind him of all the places his been. And that war won’t be forever. That the world has a lot to offer. 
・However, Edmund can agree that the collectible items are much better in Narnia
・Everything feels alive with magic, especially when Aslan is near
𝐒𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐧 (I’m actually thinking a lil neurodivergent. Maybe even autistic??)
・Like Edmund, she’s used to when Lucy would bring her random objects 
・Hence why you found it so easy to give her things you thought were cool
・This was a common occurance, and it was nearly a daily routine for Susan to empty out her pockets of a night and see random objects
・Sometimes when she’s too focused on something, you’ll just slip the things into her pockets; notes, reminders, things she’s forgotten to take with her, silly little presents etc.
・She always knows it’s you
・Not in a weird way - but she can smell you, so she isn’t startled by your presence ... like ever 
・So when you gave her the rock, a glinting piece of labradorite, she held it up to the light and moved it about. Making it flash here and there. 
・She was very impressed
    “This will go great with the collection!”
𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 (is definitely neurotypical. One of the judgy ones as well, until you - who opens his mind.)
・The least ... chill about it.
・Thinks collecting things is a waste of time unless they serve a purpose 
・Has made you angry a few times because of it 
・Lucy had to tell him to be nicer because the way he was going about it ... god he was being so headstrong 
・So now he goes about it a lot more gently (because he’s gotten to know you better as well. You’re an important person in his life and he doesn’t want to upset you)
・So when you show him, he nods his head and does a weird, “oh thanks,” with furrowed brows. 
・He doesn’t understand that it’s a token of your love/feelings toward him 
・Not until you scrunch your face up and explain that to him
・And then he’s like, “oh wow. Okay then, I love it! Thank you - please give it to me,” and he’s chasing you around the room.
𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐧 (Not neurodivergent but loves people who are different and think out of the box)
・You had found him in the training yard, sweaty and out of breath 
・Although in an established relationship, you still take the time to explain why you do certain things and what certain things mean to you, why you do certain things etc. 
・Even if the word neurodivergent doesn’t exist yet, the people do. And are known as the poets, writers, creators, the intelligent, the weird, the hermits. 
・And Caspian has always had an open-mind. No matter what, he’s always gone into things thinking about different points of view
・So a lot of things happened naturally with Caspian. And explaining yourself was easy because he understood a lot of your concepts 
・When you gave him the rock, you were incredibly nervous but still desperate to show Caspian because it was a part of your background - collecting things, and you wanted to share that with him
・In all truthfulness, Caspian was expecting something much weirder to happen by the way you were acting
・But when you gave him the rock, his response gave you butterflies
    “Thank you, my love, I will cherish it always.”
・And he stayed true to his promise
・Somehow he got a blacksmith to turn it into a ring and he wore it always 
𝐄𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐞 (I reckon he’s autistic tbh, so neurodivergent 10/10)
・Being amongst the Narnian people was like nothing you could have ever imagined 
・But what goes significantly unnoticed is the landscape and what would be normal in our world is 10x more magical in Narnia
・So you and Eustace have absolute field days just spending hours looking through this new world
・When you stumble across this particular rock, it takes your breath away and you instantly have to show Eustace
・Getting his attention was a bit difficult though but once you had it, he was very excited
・When you place it in his hands, he examines it, to see if it’s a geode or something that can be cracked open
・His mind is an endless pit of scientific facts
・But you didn’t give it to him for scientific purposes
・You gave Eustace the stone because ... well it represented something
・Where Eustace is facts, you’re fiction - a poet, at times
・And you wanted him to know how unyielding your feelings for him are 
・However, Eustace did crack it open. Even after your pleads not to, yet his suspicions were right. Because inside it was a glimmering mass of shimmering rock pieces
𝐀𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐧 (understands the way of the world and how people’s minds work so he is neither neurotypical or neurodivergent - he just ... is). Also like, you can see Aslan in a romantic way if you want, but I’m kinda writing him as this father figure
・You didn’t mean to interrupt the meeting but you were too excited to wait to show Aslan the cool rock you’d found
・It was jagged but had reflective, almost glittering elements when you moved it around 
・It looked ... magical 
・And you wanted to ask if it might be
・So when you ran into the map room, where Aslan and a few other guards were, you enthusiastically brandished it in front of him
      “Look! Look what I found! For you-” 
・Very gracious
・Thanked you immediately while the others around you look at you like you’re crazy
・If anyone says anything mean about you, he will call them out
・You think he just forgets about them but he actually keeps everything you give him 
・He can tell exactly where you got the rock from; which woods, lake or ocean. He’s so intune with Narnia that every little thing is easy for him to identify 
・Encourages you to find more
・And gives you tips on the best places to find more cool things 
𝐌𝐫 𝐓𝐮𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐬 (Yes, neurodivergent. Kinda goblin brained, but likes his alone time and collecting of things)
・It was a bit of a down day and you could see his frown. Wanting to brighten his day you went on a stroll, trying to find a pretty flower or a nice bunch of herbs 
・But you couldn’t find either of those things
・Instead, you came across a tree stump with such smooth round rocks at the base. 
・They looked so ... satisfying
・A perfect egg-shaped stone, close to one you’d seen Lucy playing with from time to time
・Running back home, you called out for Tumnus, and as he stood in front of you, you told him to hold out his hands
    “Hmm...,” he said with a suspicious look, but obeyed. 
・When you put it in his hands he blushed immediately. Knowing that you know how much he loves knick knacks and collecting objects... it made his day a lot better 
・I feel like this could be a Narnian custom in a way. Like...to show your affection for the one you love, you go out in nature and find something that reminds you of them???
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cherryrainn · 4 months
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Can i ask for some headcanons from Charlie (hazbin hotel) comforting a neurodivergent reader, with she thinking she is selfish because of the emotional outbursts of ADHD and impulsivity but people don't realize how much she sacrifices so that others see her as productive, kind and a good human, masking a lot of disorganized behavior just so the college can accept it better? Sorry if it seemed too personal, i'm just tired of neurotypicals
HEADCANONS OF CHARLIE COMFORTING A NEURODIVERGENT READER .
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; pairing ; charlie x neurodivergent reader (platonic)
; note ; these headcanons felt really nice to come up with. i can totally see where you're coming from and i am here for you.
; warnings ; none
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charlie is incredibly empathetic and recognizes the struggles that come with neurodivergence.
she assures you that your feelings and experiences are valid, offering a safe space for you to express yourself.
charlie understands the societal pressures to conform and mask one's true self, especially in an academic setting.
she validates your efforts in trying to fit into societal norms and assures you that your true worth goes beyond appearances.
charlie fosters open communication, making it clear that you can always talk to her about your struggles without judgment.
she encourages you to express your feelings, thoughts, and challenges, creating a dialogue to help you feel heard and understood.
charlie recognizes and celebrates your achievements, no matter how small, emphasizing that every step forward is a victory.
she helps shift the focus from perceived shortcomings to the progress you've made.
charlie may share some of her own coping strategies or suggest activities that could help you manage.
whether it's through music, art, or other creative outlets, she encourages you to find what works best for you.
charlie emphasizes the importance of self-care and taking breaks when needed, reminding you that your well-being is a priority.
she may even organize activities or events that cater to your preferences and comfort.
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villanerys · 8 months
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villanelle and autism
side notes before i begin:
some of these traits could also be explained by cluster b disorders, as she’s heavily bpd coded and canonically aspd, but i see her as both cluster b AND autistic.
also, please don’t say things like “YES she’s not a psychopath, she’s autistic instead” because she’s still very much aspd and i don’t want to take that away. i’ve seen a lot of people with aspd really identify with villanelle and say she portrays it well.
just scroll if you don’t agree, this is a harmless headcanon and i’m simply explaining why i have this headcanon, as well as why a lot of autistic people seem to relate to her (people get SO mad if you even insinuate a popular character might be autistic lol)
masking/mirroring
masking is a strategy used to hide neurodivergent traits in order to blend in with neurotypicals. this can include mirroring (mimicking others expressions/behaviors), or even entire persona changes.
in the very first scene villanelle carefully observes a man smiling then mimics his smile (1x01)
villanelle hears a woman laugh on the radio then mimics her laugh, later she reuses that same laugh with sebastian (1x02)
liked copying the statue people in the street (2x05)
often mimics konstantin and predicts what he’s going to say
can quickly switch personas, adopts different accents and dialects quickly, and reuses phrases that are said to her
taking things literally
when talking about villanelle anna says “she was quite literal” and goes on to describe how villanelle misinterpreted a joke so confidently that she killed someone because of it (1x07)
interprets the bible extremely literally in season 4
“i have children” “i don’t want your children” (1x05)
“sheep are happier than wolves” “you spend your time off surveying sheep?” (3x08)
took konstantin saying “do something normal” literally (1x02)
“you are not a pumpkin, you a beautiful” (1x04)
kills gabriel because she thought he was genuinely asking to die when he was expressing how sad he was about his situation (2x01)
sensory seeking (& sensitivities)
touches and focuses on the texture of the liliana rizzari duvet, goes out of her way to ask the man she’s killing for the name of the duvet, later purchases it for herself and carefully feels the texture of it again (1x01)
generally touches and smells everything
“i want to smell her skin” (4x03) as well as her describing her ideal perfume in detail then asking eve and konstantin to smell her (3x03)
hates wearing crocs and other “non-nice” things, is very fixated on “nice” things like high quality clothes and food
makes people stroke her hair when she’s feeling upset (2x05 and 4x01)
bold fashion with a lot of colors/patterns/textures
seems to dislike most people hugging her
more up to interpretation, but she wore headphones in 3x04 and 3x05, once while she was having a meltdown on a train
struggles with social cues
includes coming off as blunt/rude, trouble navigating groups, and not interpreting situations correctly
how awkward and blunt she was at her wedding (3x01)
interacting with the church, especially in 4x02
doesn’t know how to react to displays of emotion (gabriel crying, benita crying, was confused and froze when her brother was being affectionate)
doesn’t understand why some people are upset with her (konstantin in s2, may in s4, eve at multiple points)
doesn’t understand that certain things will make people upset (being very blunt with gabriel then being put off when he starts crying)
struggles with understanding boundaries
doesn’t see authority figures as an authority (teasing and flirting with the prison guards, threatening konstantin, casually killing anton, doesn’t seem to understand consequences)
does not follow rules that don’t make sense to her
breaks into eve’s house expecting a normal dinner, doesn’t know how to calm eve down and ends up making her panic more (1x05)
didn’t understand why eve’s coworkers were acting scared of her (3x08)
is confused as to why sebastian laughs when she says she likes national anthems (1x02)
not understanding why her mom was laughing at her and that it was mocking “you always laugh at things that aren’t funny” “like you?” “yes” (3x05)
stimming
the repetitive performance of certain physical movements or vocalizations in order to self soothe or express emotion
big jumpy happy dance (3x04)
during cup game (3x05)
jumping and spinning on the heels of her boots by the train with rhian (3x08)
her copying noises she hears could be a type of vocal stim, echolalia
on the train ride at the end of 3x05
there are more examples but i can’t list them all since she generally bounces around a lot and has a lot of big movements
inappropriate/bizarre responses
yelling “this is so BORINGGG” while in an art museum (2x04)
“i mean i masturbate about you a lot” (1x08)
yelling “JUST DUNK ME” while getting baptized (4x01)
soooo many instances that again i can’t list them all…
alexithymia
alexithymia is the difficulty feeling or identifying emotions (or physical stressors like pain)
her whole aa meeting speech in 2x06 about how she feels nothing and the distress it causes (is extremely bored, hurts herself and it doesn’t hurt, just wants to feel something)
doesn’t know if she’s telling the truth or not (2x07), this could also be because of masking as too much masking can cause identity confusion, not knowing what you’re faking and what’s authentic
weakened sense of danger, even says “i don’t get scared” (2x08)
says she’s fine then immediately collapses (2x01)
other traits
meltdowns, especially at the end of 3x05 where she was wearing headphones and had increased stimming while crying
low empathy
attaches to and fixates on a specific person, obsession prone
REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA
has always felt estranged and inherently different from others, “i’m not normal you know” (2x01)
detail oriented, notices things others don’t
bad at dancing/rhythm
exaggerated facial expressions
exaggerated speech
poor impulse control
differences in expressing emotions and communication
only comfortable with select people
perfectionism, hates working with a team and wants to do jobs alone (1x04, 3x02)
feels threatened when irina knows more languages than her, as languages are something villanelle is very interested in (1x08)
black and white thinking
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drchucktingle · 2 months
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autistic expression in a neurotypical art gallery
this morning i thought i would talk about AUTHOR VOICE specifically when it comes to AUTISM. as autistic author i have learned to turn the dial up and down when writing characters. rose from CAMP DAMASCUS is basically exactly where i rest on spectrum and this shows in a few ways
in roses internal monolog you will see that she uses phrases like ‘my friend’ to talk about folks where neurotypical buckaroos might just use first name. or with her parents she will think of them in FIRST NAME instead of ‘mom’ or 'dad’. this is way many autistic buds THINK
to explain this trot I will say it is not a way of disrespect or anything like that, it is simply that these terms are TECHNICALLY all correct and interchangeable. socially, autistic buds often learn to mask by pinpointing WHEN to use these words that logically the same to us.
in CAMP DAMASCUS i left these things in to create character, but if you go back in my writing you will see it. in TINGLERS this is because they are honest in PUNK ROCK way. unfiltered expressions. in earlier novels its admittedly just because i did not realize it was unusual yet
point is, ROSES internal dialog in camp damascus is neurodivergent and i CHOSE not to change her thought process in this way, because we are BOTH autistic. this can be a risk because some neurotypical buckaroos will read it and just think ‘what a strange way. this is bad writing’
camp damascus reviews are actually very good it is a very well received book by any measure, but you will see some folks kind of making fun of these traits (i do not think they would do this if they knew it was authentic autistic way BUT we cannot educate EVERYONE on this trot)
POINT IS i am now faced with an artistic choice in later books. do i write with my AUTISTIC voice even though some neurotypical readers find it awkward? in technical sense some readers WILL think each book is better if i eliminate my autistic tendencies in later edits
my advice is this: character voice IS SO IMPORTANT, but a big part of writing is finding the place between YOUR voice and your CHARACTER voice where both are authentically existing in some way. like acting, you are always bringing something of yourself even when you 'disappear'
when writing BURY YOUR GAYS i did not plan to make misha on the spectrum, but misha is part of me and i am on the spectrum. what i have realized over time is that ALL OF MY CHARACTERS will have these traits in some way because i wrote them, and i will never disappear completely
so when edits came for BURY YOUR GAYS and misha, i took that dial and i turned it farther towards neurotypical than i did with rose, BUT I DID NOT TURN IT OFF COMPLETELY. in literal sense, i left some of those ‘my friends’, because i will always bring MY VOICE to my art as well
i am proud of being on the spectrum. while my voice may not hit every convention of ‘good writing’ it is authentically ‘MY writing’ and i think that is more important than any outside checklist for ‘correct literary expression’. and guess what THE RESULTS ARE IN, MY BOOKS DO WELL
so if you are an artist getting feedback or reviews, consider which parts you can LEARN FROM and grow and change, and which parts are just AUTHENTICALLY YOU. because while your honesty may defy conventions and seem unusual to some folks, IT IS OFTEN WHAT MAKES YOUR ART SING
feel free to turn that dial marked 'YOUR TRUE VOICE' up and down when it makes sense. i do this all the time. but i have long since decided i will never turn that dial OFF completely. your voice is your POWER buckaroo, dont be afraid to sing with it
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infinitelyprecious · 28 days
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An autistic person's view on the scene where Aylin decided to open up to the group.
2 disclaimers: 1) Aylin is not confirmed/canonically autistic (afaik), however she heavily reads as one to me, hence why I'm writing this specifically from an autistic pov. 2) I am just one singular autistic person, I do not speak for all of us as a whole, if you're autistic and have different view on this, that is valid.
Part of all this is teenagers being teenagers and I don't expect them to have the knowledge or life experience to handle situations like these particularly well, so this is more me getting my own thoughts and feelings in order. Maybe it can be educational in a way. I'm withholding judgment on how the show itself is handling Aylin's story until the show has finished airing.
Aylin goes to talk with the group, bless her brave heart.
Ton, the smart-ass, asks why Aylin acts like an alien when she knows her loved ones don't see her like that. I get that the writers wanted her to explain at some point why she identifies with aliens specifically, but please, for the love of all that is good, do not say something like this.
This question only shows that her friends in fact, do see her as an alien. They don't accept her like she is, they ask her why she is the way that she is. It keeps boiling down to "Why is she not like us?"
She might be different from the rest of the group, but she is normal. There's nothing abouts her that needs to be fixed. If she wants to learn more social skills for example, that is completely fine. However, it should not be a requirement. And if she wants to learn, patience is important.
Social settings with neurotypical people tend to be overwhelming and use up a lot of energy for autistic people. It's important to go slow and respect her declines if she doesn't feel up to socializing. The last thing you want is for someone to feel like they have to mask or for them to experience a meltdown as a result.
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Aylin answers that humans being unfriendly is the reason she 'acts like an alien'. She's been made to feel like she is not welcome, like she isn't just another human worthy of love and respect. It's very understandable for her to then want to remove herself from her human identity and look for friends in other-worldly beings. They don't bully.
It's interesting to me that the whole group stays silent when Alpha asks who did something to her. Did they forget about Aylin shoving a plate in Ton's face or do they think she was in the wrong there?
Because she wasn't. It was visible in her body language and verbal declines that she was uncomfortable and yet they pushed her.
It tends to be harder for autistic folk to handle unexpected situations. Reactions like that are very normal if you get an autistic person into a situation that is overwhelming. They'll go into their fight or flight and things go wrong. That is not their fault.
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Aylin goes on to explain what happened and Mawin finishes her sentence for her. Or rather, speaks his conclusion before Ailyn is finished talking. I think this is pretty common decency, but don't talk over people when they are trying to tell you something, especially when they are being vulnerable. Even if they talk slower (which Aylin didn't do, but it's something I've experienced a lot). Please bite your tongue and let people finish talking.
Ton, again, says something he shouldn't have, but thankfully Luna steps in this time.
Then Sun. "Do you know that those who bully and harass people are not actually humans?" The main problem I have with this sentence is that it feels belittling. This might just be a me thing, but the way she says it comes across as if she's pointing out that Aylin's perception of the situation is incorrect.
But they are humans, shitty ones, but still humans and Aylin has every right to view humans as a whole as untrustworthy, because that has likely been her experience. The thing I would've preferred here, would be to jump directly to saying those bullies are garbage. That would've come across more validating.
After this, the friends exchange a couple sentences about how to handle bullies. Which is lovely, except, they talk about Aylin as if she isn't there. She just bore her heart - comfort her. Talk about how to handle bullies later, don't let her swim in the discomfort of vulnerability.
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Then Sun goes to touch Aylin?!?!? Again, Aylin is visibly uncomfortable. Please, please, if someone is uncomfortable to be touched, do not touch them. Also, ask! Ask for consent. Again, probably a common decency thing, but the amount of times I've had people go like yeah no worries, but then still touch me is high up. A casual hand on the shoulder is still touch, a handshake is still touch.
Related to that is personal space. Some people's, like Aylin's, personal space is big. They need a good distance from other people in order to be comfortable. If there is one thing I can ask of you it's to try and be observant of that. So that if someone takes a step away from you, you don't step closer again, but allow them their space.
I've had conversations with people about personal space and somehow it blows people's mind that I am most comfortable when there is a significant bigger amount of space between us than they would initially think. Please try to leave space between you and other people. For some people physical closeness is severely overwhelming and it makes it significantly harder to navigate our daily lives.
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I do love Ongsa specifically saying Aylin can hangout and eat with them. Often times when you've spend your entire live being non-verbally rejected, it's very hard to feel like you are wanted somewhere. You're always looking for signs that people don't want you there. Having it specifically confirmed that someone does want you there, can be very assuring.
Ton. I would like for Ton to not talk for a while lol. On the surface it might sound nice that someone wants to start a club that is a safe space for other bullied kids, but it is a very look-at-me-saving-people thing to do. It's not treating someone as your friend, it's making a charity project out of their hardship. I get the thought process, but please don't.
I don't really have a conclusion or anything, so I'm going to leave it at this. If you have thoughts you want to share or a conversation you want to start, feel free to. Keep it respectful, but other than that go wild.
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so what I'm getting is that everyone in trigun has the 'tism yes
yes extremely. Like so many of the characters are silly with the 'tism, but the core cast is the most noticeable.
From canon:
Vash is Gunsmoke's resident masking champion 150 years running but on his own his Mr. Flat Affect No Emoting. His big Vash expressions are typically during Sillytime (tm) when he has to burn off energy. He's like a weird cat. Also literally canonically so beholden to his own internal rules that it causes problems for other people.
Meryl is so bad at expressing and communicating her emotions but by GOD she will get her job done. She makes a goal and then runs directly at it, and will let nothing stand in her way. Has set ideas about How Things Should Go, and gets visibly frustrated when that doesn't happen.
Milly is the one who can read other people, and does so EXTREMELY well, but doesn't know the best times to express her thoughts. This results in the funniest cold-reads of the series. She's the kind of person to listen to you talk for 15 minutes and say "Wow! I bet you were really into Homestuck in 2014! What's your tumblr username?" but with zero malice.
Wolfwood tends to just say shit without thinking about what it sounds like or how it will be interpreted, again generally without malice. Resting Autism Face, big emotions default to anger (he gets the Rages), very strong sense of justice.
Knives has hyperempathy (massive pain and terror over discovering Tesla. In Trimax he literally blacks out for a week) and absolutely no emotional regulation. He feels every emotion at 100% intensity every single time.
No one here is neurotypical.
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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 11 months
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I just read a bunch of Owl House Criticism and have to say… a lot does make sense. I still rate the show very high and honestly I blame the pacing for a lot of the issues we DO have with the show. I also think people are taking this way more seriously then they should and some do the complaints feel nitpicky.
One thing a lot of people brought up is Luz’s character and how the first episode showed her casual dismissal of others and their safety occurs. Then there was a few comments on how Vee is right to call her out on running away and other things.
I don’t fully disagree. Luz fucked up big time her first episode where she brought live animals and fireworks to school. It’s just… no. I don’t deny people should have punished her for it. I vote that the Shakespeare play and the cheerleading thing aren’t worth punishment though. Because both are honestly just quirky kid things. She wanted to be cool so she did something she liked to try and impress others. They thought it was creepy and reacted to it. Good reasons for her to be kind of shoved aside by some people. The spiders and snakes though? Yikes.
But to just call her a bad character puts a nasty taste in my mouth because I think she is one that is a good character and whom I think would have been fun to explore. It’s just… she’s kind of a concept that was tried but fell flat.
I think the summer camp thing was handled badly and I would have liked to be explained why they never tried to talk to her about what a reasonable amount of creativity is in her school work. If it turns out they had attempted to do so multiple times but she never listened: the camp is probably a better idea then not. More so given her actions could have gotten her arrested. Honeslty leaning on that idea would have been interesting. Luz being told she had to go to camp or face probation or something would have been an interesting hook.
My friend said she felt therapy would have been better and yeah that’s a good point: but what if they did try and it didn’t work? What if they felt a camp was less expensive ? (Which it probably was.)
I would have liked more evidence that Luz was an outcast. I saw a lot of criticism on this because if you just look at the show face value: Luz does seem like she’s whining about a lot of stuff. Her mom turned out to be like her and only wanted her to not get bullied as Camila did in school. She could have made friends at camp. There’s just so much there that does make Luz seem like a bad person for being upset. And honestly it would be interesting to explore that to, to really pick apart the dramatic ‘me against the world’ mindset of teenagers who see themselves as outcasts. But the show is supposed to be about weirdos and found family.
So: I would actually nix Camila being a nerd. Manny was the nerdy one who loved fantasy, encouraging it in Luz. I would have had him be the one who was more open about Luz’s everything while Camila was more wary and put off. Sure, she could still laugh at the snake skin incident, but I would want her to be less accepting of the other stuff. I said that the first episode reminded me of my mom when I got my diagnosis of autism and she didn’t understand it. I would want to lean in.
Manny and Luz should have been canonly neurodivergent. Camila is neurotypical and she constantly compared her two family members because Manny could mask very well. Luz couldn’t. But I would have Camila struggle to understand that her daughter’s own brand of autism/ADHD is vastly different then her husband’s because it’s so common. I can’t tell you how many time people are like: oh you’re lying about being this cause you don’t act like BLANK.
Camila and Luz then have a conflict which makes it more understandable why Luz is willing to lie to her mother about not being at camp. Because Camila is set up to not understand Luz and possibly she would be pushing her daughter to act ‘normal’ because she doesn’t understand. Again this is inspired by my mom. I have vivid memories of her worrying about appearances and how others think of us, with her pushing me towards things I didn’t like. Some of it was out of concern for me, but there was a huge lack of understanding that drove a wedge between us for a while.
I would then have the idea that Luz is bullied be obvious. Luz would reference it or recall incidents. And I would have them be unpleasent. Being ditched by so called ‘friends’, name calling and mocking. Maybe having her things stolen or random crap dumped in her locker. I would have her be the outcast from the start. I would also address her being a POC person in a small town. Luz could have met Masha or the other two kids: I want a reason why she didn’t connect.
I grew up with almost no friends but people generally didn’t hate me. I got bullied a bit but most of the time I was ignored and happy about it. When I was a kid I was very particular and drove people off due to this. When I made friends I was with other weirdos: some of whom were alone because they were just… I can only call them very weird and slightly disturbing. One of whom was a girl who’d flip on a dime if she liked you or not.
Masha in canon is goth and is there to be the ‘cool goth kid’. I would have had them be dismissive of Liz’s fondness for the Azura series and possibly the type to mock her for liking a ‘gushy girly book’ because take it from this enby: a lot of us go through the phase of shunning anything feminine and romantic to be ‘cool’. I would have a reason why two people who could have totally been friends weren’t.
Luz would be an outcast among outcasts. Just that shade of different.
I want her to have suffered in school. I want her to have to explain that it’s true no one understood her. I want her to be able to look Vee in the face to go: you know nothing. Because Vee only sees a surface and not the full sum of it. Vee who isn’t into Azura and thus gets Masha being: oh you matured cool. I want to hang now. Who goes to Camila who is thankful her baby seems able to mask now.
I want Camila to be able to mistake Vee for her own kid because ‘oh god yes she’s finally normal’. And I want Luz to point this out. I want Luz to point out to Vee the other kids said camp was prison. And that ‘you might have liked it for some reason but can you say I would have? Masha thinks I’m a freak for liking Azura. They told me I was a loser for it.’
I want there to have been a damn good reason more then we got for WHY Luz stayed in the isles.
Not to say I don’t want Luz to feel bad about lying or anything. I just want the whole outcast thing to be more apparent. Luz feeling awful about lying and about resenting her mom who does love her versus the fact she never felt safe in the human realm is an idea worth exploring!!
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