#i slept terribly enough that for some sad reason i thought it was saturday today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marysunshine23 · 5 years

Text

My week

I don’t remember Monday very well. I remember being stressed and wanting to cry but refusing to because I just had eyelash extensions put in and I was within the three days that they can’t get wet. I remember that my wanting to cry turned into wanting to scream, wanting to hit and wanting to kick because real life people aren’t as easy to work with as those in a video game or in a role play. I remember coming home and my parents asking how my day was and me telling them my troubles.

Tuesday is more vibrant in my memory. I remember how I woke up feeling okay; not great, but well enough to go to work. I remember walking to Denny’s and singing songs from my phone and self-talking through a potential roleplay. I had biscuits and gravy with sunny-side up eggs and hashbrowns. As I went to pay, I heard someone call my name and saw it was my sister and mom. I went to sit buy them, and something led our conversation to my work and how Monday, then yesterday, was hard and how my mom and sister started to tell me how to fix it. I remember logically understanding that they meant no ill will and that they were trying to help, but my emotions told me that they were disregarding what I had done and what I had achieved and were just picking at the fact that I’m tapped out emotionally.

I went to work trying not to cry because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. That’s one of my biggest fears, disappointing the people I care about. It’s why I push myself to do things even when every fiber of my being tells me not to, tells me that it’s not good for me, tells me that I’m too hurt to keep moving. But I don’t want to disappoint my parents, my siblings, my boss, my coworkers, my friends, anyone. I remember when my coworker asked me what was wrong, I cried as I told her that I was just emotionally tapped out, that I don’t want to disappoint her or my boss, that I don’t want to disappoint my mom, but that being at work was draining me, that I was mad that I kept crying because I didn’t want to ruin these lashes that took five hours to put on. My coworker comforted me for a while before getting my boss. She suggested I go on sub-status and just text her in the morning to let her know if I’m emotionally stable enough to come in. I agreed, and she sent me home.

Another coworker drove me home during her lunch, not wanting me to cry on the bus and worried that I’d get hurt. I told her she didn’t have to, I didn’t want her to waste precious free time on me, but she wanted to. She said she was willing to talk to my parents and explain what had happened, but I knew I had to go do it alone. No one was home when I got there, and I went to take a nap and play my video games so I’d be more calm and prepared. When I came down from my room, my dad was startled to see me there. He asked me why I was home early, and I tried to lie; I tried to say that they had enough people that they sent me home. My work is understaffed, so that’s obviously not true. He accused me of being too wrapped up in my video games to want to go to work, and that I wasn’t on top of my medications, that I was feeding into my depression by being lazy, and I started to cry for the second time that day.

After I finished talking to him, and he tried to comfort me, I horded myself in my bathroom, wanting to hide from my shame. The shame that I had disappointed my parents again. I remember hearing my mom come into my room, and asking if I was safe. I said that I just wanted to hide because i had disappointed her and dad. She told me to come out and suggested that we have me do an IOP (intensive outpatient program). I agreed, because I knew I needed it. I had known I needed it for a month, but after my mom refused me the first time, I dropped it. I spent the rest of the day alone, trying to rest.

Wednesday I slept for the majority, only waking up to eat. I officially woke up to go to my therapy appointment, which I had scheduled after Monday’s difficulties. My dad wanted me to record a concert for his schools for him, so I dressed up nice. I remember during my session with my mother sitting beside me, trying to explain why this wasn’t something I could help, that in video game terms, I was just trying to defeat mini bosses but having no time to heal. I remember my therapist stopping me to say that the atmosphere of the room made her feel anxious. I felt guilty even after she said it wasn’t my fault. I never want people to feel how I feel, because it hurts; and I don’t want people to experience my pain. We finished, but I didn’t feel satisfied like I usually do. I went to the concert and recorded despite a child pulling on the tripod of the camera.

Thursday I had lunch with my grandmother and helped her with her phone. I remember her criticizing my purse, saying it was gaudy, and after looking at my food judging that I wasn’t on a diet. She said I was chubby, and I said I liked how I look. She continued to say I was chubby, and I continued to say that I liked the way I looked. The only reason she stopped was because something about her own food distracted her. Many people there complimented my purse, and my grandmother raved about how smart I was. We spent a few hours checking the numbers on her phone, and then I went home to rest.

Friday startled me, because I didn’t think it was Friday. I thought it was Thursday. Somehow in my mind, Monday was last week’s Friday, and all the other days were one day behind. Tuesday had been Monday, Wednesday had been Tuesday, Thursday had been Wednesday, but I realized that I was disoriented. I only got paid every other Friday, not Thursday. So I put $200 into savings and went to get my nails done. I tried a new sushi restaurant, which wasn’t terrible, I went to Daiso and got myself a new backpack for when I started my IOP, and as I walked home, I realized how much I had been self-talking lately. Talking like I’m giving a TED talk. I know that wasn’t something I usually do; most of my self-talk is roleplay related, not about the things bothering me, and it wasn’t this often anymore. I used to do it a lot before... but before when? When did it decrease? And was it a good thing, or bad? I went home and did nothing special. I remember being on my swing and overhearing my mom talk to someone on the phone about a fire on the other side of the freeway from us, and I wondered if we needed to evacuate. Mom said we were fine, so I watched some stuff before going to bed.

Today is Saturday, and I woke up maybe an hour and a half ago. I haven’t eaten yet, and my cat is kneading my back. I’m realizing how anxious I’ve been lately, how depressed I’ve been. How I’m not sure where to go from here, whether I want to stay a teacher or do data input, where me being introverted stops and me being depressed is, where sleeping to rest ends and sleeping to escape begins, and why I can’t seem to keep going in any direction I take. I feel weaker that everyone else, I feel like a failure most of the time, I feel like the times I enjoy being with people is less and less often, and that I just want to be alone all the time. Is it because I’m an aspie and I want to have more control, that I feel like I have none? Is it because I feel defeated by my disabilities? Is it because I’m just not meant to be a teacher? After all, I did this so I work with a group of people I feel similarities to; and I don’t mean other teachers. I know that being around people is good for me when it comes to depression, but even after nearly four days of minimal interaction with people, I still feel taxed. I’m not sure what to do or even if there’s anything I can do. It’s even hard to breathe. My stomach pleads for me to eat, but I find the will to even pour myself a bowl of cereal to be minimal. As my cat licks my fingers affectionately, I know that not all is bad; yet I can’t stop these tears from running down my cheeks. I can’t help feeling like a failure.

I’m not writing this for a pity party or for attention. In fact, I’m honestly just writing this here so I can read it to my therapist when I go see her later today, and it’s easier to type than it is to text on my phone. I suppose I could email it to myself or whatever, but... maybe I do what someone else to read it? Maybe I want someone who understands what I’m feeling to read it and to know they’re not alone? Maybe I want them to read it and understand what I’m feelings so I know I’m not alone? I know that tons of people have chronic depression like me, but so often I feel like all my disabilities combined make me feel like even in the disability community, I am alone. I’m sorry if I made you feel sad, I’m sorry if you think lowly of me, and I feel bad that there’s part of me that doesn’t care; simply because I don’t know you, and I feel badly that I don’t care. Does that mean I do care? I’m not sure... I should probably eat.

#depression #slice of life #i'm sorry #i'm so sorry #i'm tired

1 note · View note

sky-casino · 6 years

Text

Take My Hand

Genre: Fluff, Angst, runaway!jaehyun Pairing: Jaeyun x Reader Word Count: 6,429 Warning/s: Verbal and physical abuse from family

You were having the worst night of your life when you found a mysterious and cute runaway boy sitting beside you.

Thursday night. You were in your room studying very hard for your college entrance exams next week, the usual. A few minutes later, you started to hear the yells of your heavily drunk and alcoholic father from downstairs. The usual too. This happened every night which caused you to lose focus. But tonight, you had enough of it and stormed down to confront your father.

"You come home like this every single night. Can't you do anything better than get drunk? I'm so tired of this! I'm studying upstairs and then I hear you yelling non-sense stuff!"

"Shut the fuck up! You're the reason this family has no money! All our money goes to your stupid tuition fee." He retorted.

You stood there frozen and extremely hurt until he continued, "Make sure you get a scholarship from a far away university so we won't have to spend a single cent and see your face anymore. You understand?"

With that, your tears started to fall. Your stepmother just watched the whole scene, didn't even bother to defend you or stop your father from spitting the painful words. Why would she? She didn't like you living with them.

You ran out of the house to go to your favorite pavilion all the way up the street. As you ran, the wind dried your tears but fresh ones kept on falling.

You never considered your life good or happy. Your biological mother left you and your father early this year for another man. Just like you, she was tired of seeing your dad in a drunken state every night. Your life wasn't improving and so your mom decided to leave. She wrote you a short message that you saw on your desk the next morning: I'm sorry. You were so mad at her for not taking you with her but then again, you were pretty sure that the man didn't want you to live with them, similar to your current stepmother.

The hardships motivated you to study hard in order to get into a good university far from home. You wanted out from this shitty town and dysfunctional family, if you could even call it that. You and your father wanted the same thing but hearing him tell you that he wasn't willing to spend money on you and see your face anymore was literally a stab in the heart.

You arrived at the pavilion panting and crying. It was very quiet and peaceful. It was dimly lit but got a good overlooking view of the city below. The dazzling city lights and silence always calmed you down.

You were so focused on crying that you failed to realize that you were not alone in the pavilion.

"You okay?" A boy asked you.

You quickly jumped and let out a short scream before focusing your vision on the boy who sat beside you.

The street light illuminated his face and you could see his wide eyes, probably shocked from your reaction. But you could also see his lips that were trying to hold back from laughing. You realized that you probably looked stupid with the way you jumped and screamed. A strong wave of embarrassment washed over you and you cleared your throat in an attempt to compose yourself. You continued to look at him as you made your way back to the bench and you realized how handsome this stranger was.

He waited for you to be comfortable again before he talked.

"Are you okay? You're crying." He said with a smile and a worried look on his face.

You were surprised to see that someone, a stranger, was genuinely concerned about you. Your own parents couldn't even be bothered about you.

"Honestly? Nope. I'm not." You replied. For some reason, your gut feeling told you to open up to this guy. Maybe because there's a high chance that you wouldn't see him again anyway. You had nothing to lose.

"May I know why?"

"Well, my mom left me with my alcoholic dad who hates me so fucking much that unlike normal fathers, he despises spending money for his child's education. He also married a whore he just met at some bar out there who, guess what, also hates me." You said non-chalantly with matching hand gestures.

The boy's mouth was slightly open for a few seconds until he let out a chuckle.

"You find my tragic life funny?"

"No, no. It's not that. Definitely not that. It just amuses me that you told your sad life story in a.. what should I call it.. a chill manner?" He said as he lifted both of his brows at you with a shy smile. He looked totally cute so you decided to forgive him.

"Oh. Okay, if you say so." You replied as you shifted your eyes from him and on to the city lights below.

There was a moment of awkward silence until you noticed his large and full backpack.

"You just.. moved here?"

"Yep. Temporarily." He replied with a smirk.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a runaway." He said with the same smirk before yawning and stretching out his arms above him, obviously tired and sleepy.

"A runaway?"

"Yup. I left my hometown and now I move from one city to another and then I stay there for a month. I think this is my fourth city? Yeah, it is."

"But why?"

"Why what? Why I left my hometown? Because I'd rather learn about the world through travels and encounters with people than staying in four-walled classrooms to listen to boring lectures. " He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"How do you decide which city to go next?"

"By feel? Whatever my gut feel says. No detailed plan whatsoever. Wherever my feet take me."

"As simple as that?"

"Mhm."

This guy might be the strangest and most interesting person you've ever met.

"It's super late already. Don't you need to go home?" He asked as he looked at his watch.

"Don't worry. No one's looking for me. But yes, I gotta rest. Have to wake up early tomorrow because I'm a student and I need to place myself in four-walled classrooms to listen to boring lectures." You said the last part with air quotation marks which earned you a laughter from him.

"You're funny."

"You're strange."

He just nodded his head in reply to your statement before picking up his bag and swinging the straps into his shoulders.

"Bye. Good night." You said.

"Good night." He replied with a smile, showing off his lovely dimples once again.

You stood up as he did and slowly turned your back to him and walked out of the pavilion.

"Jaehyun." He suddenly said, causing you to turn around. "My name is Jaehyun."

"Y/N." You replied with a smile as shy as his.

It was afternoon of the next day and you were walking home from school. Your mind was filled with the memories from last night's encounter with Jaehyun. How he looked like, the sound of his voice, his smile and dimples, everything he told you. A part of you thought that it might just be a dream. After a terrible fight with your father that brought you to tears, you suddenly met a handsome boy at your favorite pavilion? It sounded too good to be true but it was, after all, true.

True because it had been exactly twenty-four hours since you headed to the pavilion and you found yourself on your way there again when you saw a head of familiar black hair. You couldn't focus on your homework as you kept asking yourself whether you'd see Jaehyun again or not. In order to put your mind at peace, you went to the pavilion to see if he'd be there. And he was. Prayer answered.

"Hey." You greeted Jaehyun.

"There you are." He replied, giving you a can of soda with the same flavor as the one he's drinking.

"Thanks." He only had two cans all in all which made you wonder whether he really bought one for you.

"I have a proposal for you." He said.

"What?" You asked as you sat down next to him.

"You told me about your family problem last night. I don't think I can 100% help you with that but, I want to at least take your mind off it even just for a while."

"What? There's no need for that, Jaehyun. I'm fine, don't wo-"

"Let me do this. Please." He told you with pleading eyes. You couldn't refuse.

"Okay. But how?"

"I'll hire you as my personal tour guide! You'll bring me to all the tourist spots here like famous restaurants, malls, coffee shops, museums. Don't worry, you won't have to spend a single cent. All expenses will be on me. I know you're only free during weekends and maybe a few afternoons after school? What do you think?"

You didn't reply in a timely manner as you just sat there with a blank face and slightly wide eyes. You couldn't believe, once again, that a stranger was genuinely concerned about you and truly wanted to make you feel better.

"Y/N?"

"Deal!"

"Great! Tomorrow is a Saturday. We can start tomorrow?"

"Sure. You're lucky I don't have homework." You said with a laugh. The two of you exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at ten in the morning of the next day.

"What did you do today?" You asked.

"Just slept. I was so tired yesterday and slept late. I had to re-energize. You?"

"Damn I envy you so much! I had exams the whole day. But because of that our teachers didn't give us homework for the weekend."

"Do you think you did well?"

"Of course. I always do. I mean, I always have to do well. I wanna get a scholarship from the number one university."

"Isn't that far from here?"

"Yes, it is. Which is one of the reasons why I want to study there. I wanna move out of here. I don't care if I would have to live in a dormitory during my entire college life. I just want to leave this place."

"You're just like me. Someone who wants to leave her hometown." He smirked at you before taking a sip from his soda can.

"Yeah. I think I am. I just hope that like you, I'll be able to do it one day."

10:08 AM

That's the time on your lockscreen as you ran all the way up to the pavilion.

"I'm so sorry, I'm late!" You yelled at Jaehyun the moment you arrived.

"It's fine. Take it easy." He chuckled. "So, where can we have breakfast?"

"I know the best place for that."

You took the bus with him to get into the heart of the city. It was buzzing with people, as expected of a Saturday morning. You lead the way to a medium-sized eatery.

"This restaurant specializes in breakfast meals. Very popular." You informed Jaehyun upon entering.

"Yeah.. obviously." He said as he marveled at the sight of the busy eatery. Plenty of waitresses walking here and there to serve a huge number of tables.

You picked a table and a lady gave you two menu books right away.

"They all look so yummy." Jaehyun said.

"They are all yummy. My favorite is this one, kimchi-wrapped luncheon meat with eggs and hash browns." You said as you showed him the picture of the said meal.

"That looks so good, Y/N! I wanna try!"

"Okay!" You signaled to the waitress and ordered two sets of the said meal.

"Is today's itinerary planned or spontaneous?" He asked before drinking his orange juice.

"Totally planned. I'm not good at being spontaneous." You replied, laughing embarrassingly as you fiddled with your fork.

"That's fine. We could save more time if it's planned."

Your orders arrived and Jaehyun instantly indulged himself.

"I love this. I love this, Y/N. You have good taste." He said as he dramatically nodded his head.

"Of course, Jaehyun." You replied in a very sassy manner.

You spent around half an hour in the restaurant and now, you were about to ride the bus again.

"Where to next?"

"Vintage bookstore at one of the less populated spots of the city!" You said with much enthusiasm that showed how much you love the place.

"I love it already." Jaehyun replied with wide eyes.

"You love reading too?"

"Yes! I especially love mystery. You?"

"Poetry and slice of life. I love inspirational pieces."

"You're a deep person." Jaehyun said in almost a whisper as he smiled and nodded his head at you, making your heart flutter and your eyes look away shyly.

You got off the bus and walked into these narrow alleys that form something akin to a maze to get to the vintage and mysterious bookstore.

"They sell secondhand, hard-to-find, and vintage books. They also have cute stationery and school supplies, most of which are made with recycled paper." You informed Jaehyun as you walked through the alleys.

"Wow, this store is very unique."

"It is! I make sure to go there at least twice a month. Oh, here it is!" You said as you stopped right in front of the brick-walled shop.

"Holy shit. It literally looks like it's from Harry Potter." Jaehyun said in amazement.

"Well, the owner is an avid fan. He was inspired. Let's go!"

You went straight to the stationery and supplies section while Jaehyun looked at every shelf, looking for some books to buy.

Later, you heard him yell excitedly which made you snap your neck to his direction.

"Why? Found something good?" You asked as you approached him.

"Great, Y/N. Something great! It's a copy of my favorite author's first novel! Agatha Christie's The Mysterious Affairs at Styles!" He exclaimed. The book looked very old but still readable.

Both of you went to the counter to pay for your respective items. As you were about to hand the cashier your payment, Jaehyun stopped you.

"Remember what I said? You won't spend a single cent. I'll pay for it."

"What? No! I'll use my own mon-"

"Y/N please, just listen to me. Okay?" Jaehyun said with a warm smile.

"Alright. Thank you."

"I'm hungry again." You said with a pout as you got out of the store.

"Now that you said it, same. I'm starving." Jaehyun replied after he giggled about his book.

"I know a place and it's just near!"

A few minutes later, the two of you were eating ramyeon and kimbap at the small restaurant around the block.

"Out of all the cities I've been to, this one is the only one that has a vintage bookstore. Lovely."

"Thank you."

It was already three in the afternoon when you finished eating.

"Now, we'll head to the mall. You can buy some clothes or anything you want? Need?"

"Sure!"

You arrived after an hour of riding the bus.

"Back to the buzzing of people." Jaehyun said with a smirk as you entered the mall.

Jaehyun insisted to buy anything you tried on and so you ended up with a new dress and a pair of shorts. On the other hand, he bought himself new jeans and jackets.

You were surprised to see that it was already dark when you got out of the building, not realizing that a couple of hours have already passed.

"I want to have dinner at the pavilion." Jaehyun said out of the blue.

You got off the bus at the station nearest to your house and went straight to the pizza parlor close to the pavilion where Jaehyun bought take-out pizza for the two of you.

"Damn, we ate so much today!" You said as you continued to munch on a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Are you on a diet?"

"N-no."

"Do you regret it?"

"Of course not!" You replied as you took an extra large bite, bringing Jaehyun to laughter.

"That was good. So good." He said as he finished his portion.

"Did.. did you enjoy today?" You asked nervously.

"Y/N, is that even a legit question? I absolutely did!" He replied with a hearty laugh. Those dimples would be the death of you.

"Okay, I can finally be relieved. I'm glad you enjoyed." You said as your shoulders slumped down and your breath exhaled.

"You know, I've always traveled alone. For some reason, I liked that better. So I was a bit worried how today would turn out. But wow, making you my personal tourist guide was a great decision. I don't regret it. You did a good job!" He said as he gave you thumbs up.

You were speechless as you felt your cheeks burning up.

"Th-thanks, Jaehyun." You said as you looked away.

"It's a bit late. Want me to walk you home?"

"I'd love that. But I'd rather not let my father see you." You replied with frustration.

"I understand. Take care, okay? Text me when you get home."

"I will. Take care too."

"Bye! See you! Can't wait for next Saturday!" He yelled as the distance between the two of you got farther and farther.

"Alright!" You laughed.

You cautiously entered your home but fortunately, your dad and stepmom already fell asleep while watching the television.

You sent Jaehyun a goodnight text and he replied with the same greeting. It was a good night indeed as you dozed off with a smile on your face .

Four days after the Saturday adventure with Jaehyun, you were on your way out of the school grounds when you saw him leaning against a tree that stood across your school gate. He was waiting for you.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" You said after he smiled and waved at you.

"Can we go somewhere? I'm bored." He said with a pout. Undeniably cute.

"Let's go!"

Ten minutes of walking later, you and Jaehyun were now inside your favorite bubble tea store.

"Me and my friends love this place. It's our stress reliever. Their Vanilla bubble tea is great, my favorite. What do you want?" You said as you were looking at the menu.

"Hmm.. Chocolate. I guess?"

After your orders were handed to you, you went to a table in the corner.

"How's school?"

"Pretty tough lately. Lessons are a bit more complicated. Waiting for the results of the college entrance exams is making me anxious too. They will be out first week of next month, roughly two more weeks to go." You replied before taking a sip.

"I'm.. I'm not bothering you with this whole tour guide thing, am I?" Jaehyun asked with his brows furrowed, obviously concerned that he might be causing inconvenience.

"What? Not at all! Thanks to you I now have a good school-life balance. Don't worry, you're not distracting me or anything like that. But unfortunately, I'm not available this coming Saturday. Gotta meet with my group mates to work on our project."

"Oh, okay. No problem. By the way, before I forget. I passed by the library earlier after lunch. They organize workshops there?"

"Oh, the workshops. Yes, they have weekend sessions for different stuff like writing, sketching, knitting. I'm not sure what they have for this month-"

"Painting!" Jaehyun exclaimed as he lightly slammed his hand on the table. You were taken aback.

"Geez, what was that for-"

"I'll attend the rest of the painting sessions!" He said excitedly. He was being such a child right at this moment.

"Okay, Mister Runaway. You can do whatever you want."

"Can you please bring me to the library next Saturday morning?"

"Huh? You said you passed by there today, which means you know how to get there. Why do I need to take y-"

"Pretty please, Y/N. You don't have to attend the workshop itself. Just take me there then you can go wherever you want. We'll just meet again in the evening after it's done so we can have dinner together. Deal?" Jaehyun asked with a cheeky smile as he stuck out his hand for you to shake.

"I have a handful of homework to do. I'll work on them at the library while you whisk your paintbrush away, Picasso." You said as you shook his hand.

"Cheers to another fruitful weekend for the both of us." Jaehyun said, raising his glass of bubble tea.

"Cheers!" You played along with his antics.

On Saturday of the next week, you made sure to arrive early at the pavilion to make up for the fact that you were late during your first meet-up with Jaehyun. When you got there, you were proud of yourself to see that you arrived earlier than him.

A few seconds after you sat down, you saw him a few meters away, helping an old lady open her shop for the day.

"Thank you. You're such a handsome young man. I don't think you're a familiar face from here, though?" The old lady told Jaehyun after he helped her.

"No worries, grandma. Yes, I'm not from here."

"Oh, alright. Take care and thank you again!"

"You're welcome! Take care too!" Jaehyun replied with a bow before running to the pavilion.

"That's so sweet of you." You said with a warm smile.

"That's nothing." He ruffled his bangs as he looked down on the ground, a habit of his when he's embarrassed or shy.

"Anyway, I arrived earlier than you this time!" You exclaimed as you jumped from your seat.

"Uhmm, actually no, you did not. I've been here since twenty minutes ago. But I had nothing to do while waiting so I decided to help grandma."

"What?! Geez, why do you arrive so early all the time?" You whined as the two of you walked out of the pavilion.

"I'm an early bird, that's why." He said with a wink as he flashed his dimples on you . You were pretty sure your heart did a little quick flip. You looked away to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.

"What do you do when you're not with me? I'm just curious." You asked in an attempt to change the topic.

"I observe people. I go to different coffee shops, restaurants, or just stay in public parks the whole day to watch people. Sometimes I just walk aimlessly. Also, I've already chatted and had some drinks with a few guys who live in the same apartment. One of them is this Japanese guy, his name is Yuta. He came all the way from Osaka, Japan. He's here to get soccer training, said his dream is to become a professional. Then there's another foreigner, Winwin, he's from China. He's temporarily here with his fellow Chinese traditional dancers. They're here for a Korean tour of their dance recitals. You know, this is what I love about being a free runaway. I get to encounter different people from different walks of life. Don't you find it interesting?" He asked you the question while giving your elbow a little nudge, obviously caused by his excitement. You could see in his eyes that he was so happy and having the time of his life.

"It's really interesting, Jaehyun. I actually envy you because you have all these freedom, courage, the money." You let out a sigh.

"Don't worry, Y/N. At least you have a clear goal for yourself. You know what you want to do and women like that are strong and have a bright future. I believe in you." He said with a smile before holding up his right fist, initiating a fist bump with you. You obliged which caused laughter from both of you.

After half an hour bus ride, the two of you were now in the library, just outside the workshop room Jaehyun would be staying at for the next eight hours.

"Okay. I'll just be in the main library to work on my assignments and papers. You can find me there when you're done. But if you can't, just text me and I'll come back. Got it?"

"Yes, mom." Jaehyun chuckled.

"Ugh, shut up."

"Why? You sounded like a mom back there."

"Whatever. Go inside now."

"See? You sound like-"

"Shut up and just go inside!" You yelled as you playfully smacked his shoulder.

You headed to the main hall and easily found a good seat. Your city's library were never heavily occupied and you were thankful for that, it was spacious and quiet enough for you to concentrate on your tasks.

You were not even halfway through your paper when your friend, Seulgi, suddenly sat across from you.

"Oh my god, you scared me."

"Sorry!"

"You're here to study too? I'm working on History paper. We can do it toge-"

"Actually I'm not." Your friend interrupted you.

"Oh."

"I'm just here because I saw you enter the building with a cute guy. I'm so intrigued!" Seulgi squealed.

"Uhm. Okay, Seulgi. Listen, we're not a couple-"

"Tell me about him! You never said you're seeing someone!"

"I just said, we're not a couple. Really. We're not."

"What? Well, that's so disappointing!" Seulgi said with a frown. "But still! Tell me about him! Where and when did you meet?"

"I met at him at the pavilion one night three weeks ago?"

"That is so romantic."

"I swear to god if you don't shut up-"

"Okay, go ahead!"

"That's it. One thing you need to know about him, and he's super proud of this, is that he's a runaway." You said with an amused tone.

"Runaway? Those... misfits who leave their hometowns and just go wherever and do whatever they want?"

"Uhm, he's not a misfit. He's actually nice. But yes, he left his hometown and has been traveling through different cities these past couple of months. He made me his personal tour guide and we've been to the antique bookshop, the mall, and our favorite bubble tea store." You replied excitedly. However, you noticed that Seulgi stayed silent with uncertainty on her face, "What's wrong?"

"Well then, it's actually good that you're not a couple." She said with a blank face.

"What?"

"If he's a runaway, then he'll just suddenly leave and disappear. You said he's been moving from one city to another, right? Then our city is just a name in his itinerary, if he even has one."

It was now your turn to stay silent.

"Y/N, you're my friend and I don't want you to get heartbroken. You know that. But, with this guy? There's a big chance you might. So promise me you won't fall for him." Seulgi said as he raised her pinky finger. You didn't say anything so she went on, "I saw you earlier with him and I could say that you like him. It was obvious. You were trying so hard to hide it but it's obvious."

"What? No, I don't!"

"Don't deny it, Y/N. I've been noticing how happy you were recently and I've always guessed it's because of a guy. I was right. But please, do yourself a favor, Y/N. Don't fall for a guy who's on vacation. You'll just get hurt. But don't worry, it's not yet too late." Seulgi advised with a pitiful smile.

You thought about it for a few seconds until you raised your own pinky finger and intertwined it with hers, sealing your promise to not fall for the guy who's on vacation, to not fall for Jaehyun.

Seulgi left right after as she had some errands to do, leaving you by yourself. All the papers, books, and work to be done right in front of you on the table long forgotten as your mind has started to get occupied with everything Jaehyun: his handsome face, his bright smile, his cute dimples, his contagious laugh, his caramel-like voice, and the fact that he's a runaway who would leave by the end of the month, next week. Actually, you've already thought about everything Seulgi said. But hearing it from another person made you realize the impact of the impending pain in case you really fall for Jaehyun. The moment you realized that you were starting to have feelings for him was the same moment you started to feel fear. Fear because it's not like he would stay for you, right? He would leave you and the city and move on with his journey.

You retrieved your phone from your bag and texted him.

"Sorry. I can't stay. Dad told me to go home."

Leaving him and lying to him made you feel horrible. Jaehyun has been nothing but kind to you. But you wanted to save yourself from the heartbreak, as Seulgi said, it's not yet too late. You could still dodge the bullet and you had to start as soon as possible, by leaving him in this building.

You got his reply almost an hour after, most likely because cellphones were strictly prohibited during the workshop.

"Aww, too bad! I was so excited to show you my painting while we have dinner :( But it's okay. We have next time. Take care and I hope your dad is not mad :)"

You felt like crying. He's so genuine and kind. Everything you could ask for. You read "We have next time." again and again because you were uncertain about it. You knew that the more spend time with him, the easier and faster you'd fall.

You spent the new week as cautiously as you could. It was Jaehyun's last week in your city and you wished that it would pass by smoothly without bumping into him. You avoided going to the pavilion and anywhere else outside your home. Wake up, go to school, study, go home, study, sleep. That was your daily routine.

Until he showed up, of course. As expected from a streetsmart runaway.

"Y/N!" Jaehyun called out to you the moment you stepped down from the bus on your way home.

"J-Jaehyun?" You asked, surprised.

"Yep. That's me. How are you? You haven't answered to any of my calls and texts. I was worried." Concern was so apparent on his face and guilt struck you once again.

"Oh.. Sorry. I was just busy. What were you doing there in the bus station?"

"I was waiting for you." He replied with a sheepish smile, focusing his gaze on his footsteps.

"What? But why-"

"Because you weren't answering to my calls and texts. Couldn't contact you. So I thought maybe I should just show up right in front of you." He giggled.

"Yeah. Like you did that night in the pavilion." You barely whispered but he still heard you.

"Yeah. Like I did that night!" He continued laughing while all you could think about was the huge possibility that he would suddenly disappear just like how he suddenly showed up.

"You said you just stay in a city for a month. That means you're leaving tomorrow, right?"

"Hmm.." Jaehyun hummed as he showed his dimples while thinking. "Nope." He continued.

"What?" You suddenly stopped in your tracks to face him.

"I said nope. I'm not leaving tomorrow. Or anytime soon."

"But why? You decided to break your rule? Don't know which city to visit next?"

"None of the above, Y/N." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Then why?" You were happy and relieved to hear that Jaehyun wouldn't leave yet, but you were also extremely anxious and impatient to know why.

"Nothing complicated for a reason." He declared, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweater as he slightly squirmed on his feet. "I just.. fell in love with the place, with the people, with you." He looked at you as the last word slipped from his lips.

You didn't quite catch on, you were a bit slow. There was a short moment of awkward silence caught between the two of you until you finally understood what he just said.

You took a few steps back. "I.. I don't know what to say, Jaehyun. Should I believe you? You're a runaway who just comes and goes-"

"Not this time, Y/N. Not this time." Jaehyun persuaded you, stepping forward and gently holding your arms to prevent you from moving away further. "I know that based on my routine, yes I'm supposed to leave tomorrow. And yes, I'm a runaway who comes and goes but for some reason, I don't want to now. There's some energy that keeps me here, that makes me want to stay even one more day. Then another day, then another one. And every night as I lay in my bed in the dark, I keep thinking what that energy is. Till I realized that it's you. That energy is you, it's always been you. You're like a strong magnet that attracts me so fucking much."

By the time Jaehyun ended his confession, his grip on your arms was slightly tighter and his breath was running out. While you on the other hand had your own breath caught up in your lungs, overwhelmed with everything you just heard.

"You're not leaving because of me? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes, Y/N. I'm not leaving without you." He replied with a cheeky smile as he let go of your arms.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you want to leave, right? We'll leave together!" He said excitedly. A minute ago he was being serious and hot and now he's back to his cute self.

You looked uncertain and so Jaehyun decided to go on.

"Let's wait for the results of the entrance exams and then when we find out that you passed, let's move to the city as soon as we can. Don't worry about where we'll live, I already know a place. I'll take care of everything."

"What if I don't get accepted to the university?"

"I know you will." He replied confidently with a warm dimpled smile.

"How do you know that.. Wait. You already know a place in the city where we can live?"

"Yup. Actually, I'm from there. I've never told anyone I met on my journey where I came from, but I just told you." He laughed.

"Really? But is it alright for you to return there next month? You might want to travel more."

"Nope. For now I'm good already. I can travel again anyway. But when that time comes, I won't be alone anymore. I'll take you with me, even just for a few weekends when you're not busy with university."

You were very much amazed by Jaehyun. It seemed that he already had everything planned out for the two of you, even though you have yet to give him a "Yes". You looked down on the ground to avoid his gaze and to process what's happening.

"I understand if you're hesitant or if you want to say no. We've only known each other for a month so maybe I haven't gained your full trust. But I just want you to know that I won't harm you in any way. I'm not even doing this for myself. I'm doing this for you."

"What do you mean by that?" You looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears.

"I want to save you. Save you from your abusive father. Save you from that disastrous home, if you can even call it one. The first time we met that night in the pavilion, we were complete strangers to each other but you opened up to me and after hearing what you said, I knew that I had to do something to help. Do something more than just making you my personal tour guide. Definitely something more than that. I can't just leave you. My conscience wouldn't be able to take it." He delivered the last sentence as he gently turned your left arm around to show the small purple bruise you were hiding.

"How did you know?"

"I saw it as you were going down the bus earlier. Your dad is a fucking horrible person." He hissed, gritting his teeth.

"Calm down. It's nothing. It doesn't hurt anymore." You said as you took back your arm and forced a smile.

"Please come with me. Please? You don't have to continue living like this. I can help you have a better life. A secure life without any form of abuse." He said as he wiped your tears and held your face.

You looked into his eyes and there you saw honesty that showed he meant everything he's been telling you. "You know, I intentionally avoided you this past week. It's not true that I was busy. I ignored your calls and texts on purpose."

Jaehyun blinked twice and furrowed his brows in confusion, obviously taken aback.

"I told my friend about you and she advised that it would be best for me if I stop myself from completely falling for you so I could save myself from the heartbreak caused by falling for someone who would eventually leave. She told me not to fall for a guy who's on vacation." You said before you pursed your lips tightly in order to stop more tears from falling.

Jaehyun slowly removed his hands from your face but not his gaze and you feared that he would take back all his promises.

"I understand your friend's concern and that you're afraid of getting your heart broken by me. But as I already said, I'm not leaving without you. You don't have to be afraid of anything."

You breathed out a sigh of relief before he continued, "So, will you come with me?"

"Yes, Jaehyun. I'll go with you." You finally declared.

"Oh my god, really?! Thank you. Thank you so much, Y/N. I'm so happy you have no idea." He said, exhaling the breath he unconsciously held in his throat as he placed his forehead against yours.

"I'm the one who should say thank you, Jaehyun. Really. So, you're now my knight in shining armor?" You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you.

"Nope. Not in shining armor. After those months of being a runaway and fending for myself, you think my armor is still shiny? I'm battle-hardened, sweetheart." He said before leaving a kiss on your lips.

You held hands as the two of you walked, asking each other where to go for dinner. For the first time in ever, love and a sense of security was felt in your heart.

56 notes · View notes

n0resistance · 3 years

Text

John Street

High school was a blur but I remember going through some tough traumas. My friends got me through. A year after my mother died, my father started dating again, and the house was empty. I felt very lonely.

I met some really good friends to cope with the loneliness and I’m lucky to still be friends with them. We would do jersey type things like walk to McDonalds and hangout. We would go to Menlo mall, Cicio’s Pizza, Regal Cinemas, and if we were really lucky the beach would be a treat. I got a dog and that kept me very busy. Other things kept me preoccupied like volleyball, cheerleading, stupid boys, and driving around town.

The hardships were hard. Watching my dad cope without my mom was hard and losing most of his community wasn’t easy to watch either. My sister rebelled a lot and the stress made us not get a long. I wasn’t that popular and I wasn’t really smart. The suburban town did not feel good enough in high school.

My best friend and I were afraid of community college and didn’t want to be stuck at home. Now looking back doing that for a year or two is probably the most practical thing. However, I’m glad how everything turned out. After high school I went to Pace University and a couple people from my high school went too. It was a fresh new start.

The first day of freshmen year we went to a party, and most people said they went to Pace because they got a “scholarship”. Like everybody and you kind of figured that was their business plan. The big appeal was New York City. Everything just pushed me to that direction. I wanted everything to be different. I didn’t want to be a loser, I wanted to make friends, and have fun. Every year I had a list of things I wanted to do, to progress. The first year I lived in the dorms at John Street, meeting people, and adjusting to life in New York. I worked at a pizza place over the summer as a busgirl and saved all my cash for college. I tried my best to live off that.

My first roommate was spoiled and not a great person. We connected because she liked to party. She was from Bayside Queens and her father was a truck driver who gave her everything since he couldn’t physically be there. We actually connected because we both had relatives who had substance abuse issues. I now learned that is called “trauma bonding”. Her mother was addicted to pills after being in an accident. Those common stories are really sad.

She dropped out after first Semester. Pace wasn’t what she expected. The work was too hard for her and she was homesick because of her boyfriend. It was a hot mess. One time her mother was in our dorm, writing a paper for her and was stressed out, because her mother hasn’t been to school in 20 plus years. She didn’t do well on that paper.

Outside of my roommate life I met people through a Facebook group. I think it was called John Street and it consisted of all the people living in that building who were freshmen. I connected with one girl and I told her I was half Filipino. My mother taught me that, if you meet someone Filipino you treat that person like family because you’re the same and they’ll bring you in. The culture is strong like that. So we became friends online. I met another friend at orientation, she was at my table and there were two other guys that became roommates that were part of our group. She lived with a girl, who became my roommate second year.

I went to high school with a girl who lived in the John St dorm, and we didn’t become friends until college. My Filipino friend was a roommate with this girl from Long Island. On Halloween she introduced us to a new friend who lived in the other dorm Maria’s Tower. That’s how it started off in college. All of us were in the same boat. I was impressed when people knew what they wanted to do with their lives.

That’s how our relationship started 10 years ago and these people are still my friends today. My one really good friend was my roommate freshmen year who replaced the first girl that didn’t work. We didn’t get off to a good start. The dorm was left a mess and I was nervous that we weren’t going to get a long. She was amazingly cool, from Jersey too, but more South Jersey.

Which is a lot more farm like than where I grew up, but there’s space and nice houses. I remember when she saw my picture collage; she made a remark, “you have a lot of ethnic friends”. So I realized New York was the most diverse experience for some people that are used to growing up with mainly a white community. I thought it was very cool that she was studying Women & Gender studies. She worked hard and was always so funny. We found out that getting our own apartment would be cheaper than the dorms, especially if we get a third person. She really liked our friend that I would hang out with a lot and asked her to get an apartment with us for the next year.

Our first year consisted of clubbing, getting fake ID’S, and trying to pass classes. The first bar we found that served minors was called Hooks and Ladders. It definitely got shut down. It was cheap, dirty, and had a smoking room in the back. We always pre-gamed at the dorms before we left. So we would show up already tipsy and not have to buy anything. One time, our friend bartended, which made it even more exciting. Especially since she was only 18.

To be honest most of our bonding experiences was getting drunk and going out. I failed being a bio major and cried. That major wasn’t for me. I wasn’t able to handle my liquor, and would always get sick. The girls would always take care of me. In the summer going back home and being bored we would go all the way to each other’s houses.

So my summer consisted of working at the pizza place then going to Connecticut, Long Island, Upstate New York, and a new place every weekend. It was fun! Crashing at their parents houses and finding a lake, a beach, or something a long the lines of that. Our lives consisted of searching for a good time and I don’t regret it at all. My oldest sister at the time was 27, and a nurse. It was her last year in New Jersey before she moved to San Francisco for work.

She came to visit me during finals and slept in my dorm. I took my fake ID and we would go out in NYC. It was nice to share it with her. She would take me to cool places like Magnolia’s bakery, Peking Duck House, or Restaurant week. We loved Pianos and the Seaport (before Hurricane Sandy). We loved everything about New York. Restaurants, shows, bars, clubs, and she got to know my friends.

I didn’t want to leave and go back to Jersey after failing Bio and having to withdraw the major, so I switched to being a Business Undecided major. People would ask why, and my reasoning would be my parents did well in business. My dad had a landscaping business and my mother had a real investment business. They also had day jobs but business is what paid for everything.

I think that leaving and living on John Street helped me so much with all the drama that was going on at home. My dad got re-married, they moved out of my house I grew up in, into a smaller house. That was emotional.

I liked NYC because it was close to home and I was going home every weekend. No one really missed me like I imagined they would. They all had their own lives at this point.

My partying days were Mon – Thurs and I would take a break Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Which was pretty funny. I even got a job promoting under a promoter. He would pay me $50 each girl I would get in. At the end of the day, it wasn’t worth it. The anxiety of who couldn’t get in because they were short, or had a fakeID, or whatever, was terrible if you had a soul.

Some of these people were my friends, and I cared about them. I couldn’t really do that and focus on school. That’s a job when you come home at 6 AM every day and then have to go back into the real world. I had some weird professors, I had challenging work, and I was insecure. I always wanted to be an artist and I was rude to people in the drama school that were studying what they actually wanted to study. I would say things like, how are you going to make money as an actor? Is that realistic? I probably made them cry.

I would get drunk so quickly, sick so quickly, and my hangovers would last all day. I was 18, now at 29 I see 40 year olds who still crave Night life and I think they’re stupid. I prefer to just make money in it. I know in New Jersey so many people go through DUI’s and because of cabs and the subway, we never had to go through that in NYC. There were so many embarrassing moments out in the city and it took me about a year to know the subway. The first year was rough getting by without a job. Even though the dorm and meal plan were covered by loan payments and what not.

However, you just get creative when it comes to going out and getting by. It just takes a lot of effort. You have to save money from the summer in order to survive. It does help if your parents help you. Sometimes I would even collect bottles from every room on every floor and the money I would get from recycling would pay for laundry or a subway card.

The reasons I had of wanting to stay which was this college community, the city, and being independent from home gave me enough of a will to make it work. My father said we could only afford living at school for a year and then I would have to move home and commute to the city. My friends and I started apartment hunting for our second year at school and found something that we considered “affordable” compared to the dorms.

I’m glad I stuck it out because Sophomore year got way better that being a Freshmen.

#howtolove alliplacesI'velived bio nyc johnst

0 notes

seasaltpaper · 7 years

Text

Right Side

Inspired by a line in a beautiful work of art by one of my favourite writers ever. You know who you are. I hope this isn’t absolutely terrible and we can still* be friends.

(*assuming we are already, if not, can we?)

Something about first time sleeping over...

“Yeh could stay the night” he had said that Tuesday night with rushed words and a generous pinch of nerves, plus gleaming eyes and fingers playing with one another in clear sign of shyness. Just that look had you very weak at the knees then. Those butterflies flew in a sea of nerves and felt very much like the ones you get right before your first kiss. The offer was tempting, specially because it was already ‘very late’, and you were ‘very tired’ and it was ‘very much raining outside’ and also because he worried. Very much so. His words, not yours, but he did have a point. Still you refused, noticing the small hint of sadness mixed with embarrassment in his eyes, – he worried and beat himself up in his mind that he’d been too eager to ask and this was not the moment for this. Maybe he was moving too fast? Maybe it had scared you off? Did you think he just wanted sex? Because he didn’t mean it like that – as you picked up your things and prepared to leave Harry’s house.

Thinking back to it, your reasons for denying the deal were obvious. The weight of the question made you nervous which immediately had you scared and ready to say no. You weren’t prepared to spend the night and you had never spent the night at a boyfriend’s house before. Add that to the fact that while you and Harry had been dating seriously for a little less than a year, you had never slept with him. Yes, neither of the two definitions of “sleep”.

Sure you’d both fallen asleep countless times during movie nights on his or your couch where you shared the small space in the tightest of embraces – with you basically on top of him, just how you liked – and on rare occasions Harry had taken short naps after long studio weeks in your bed at your place while you babbled on the phone with some client or your boss, and you had taken naps in his bed when a friendly get together at his house drained you cause it was running a little late and you excused yourself from the small party consisting of his closest friends, to go rest up in his room until he came and woke you up to take you home.

But in reality, not once had you both slept together on a bed and much less the whole night through. Waking up next to you was just a dream Harry had yet to see come true.

But as you left his place after rejecting the notion, something inside you – be it the love you had for that curly haired dork, or the excitement of having this very cute intimate thing with him – made you turn around and promise him “Saturday” “Huh?” “I’ll... We can... I can sleep over on Saturday?” just saying the words made chills run down your spine, the butterflies were there again flying in nerves and some thrill as well. The slowly deepening dimple on his cheek sang how much he’d like that. Pressing a kiss to your forehead and sending you on your way, –under promise to write him as soon as you were safe and sound in your humble abode – Harry was left giddy with the thought of you sharing the night with him.

Which leads us to Saturday. Today. Your bags were ready, and you had that feeling of anticipation, those small anxiety chills were awake and moving. No time had been established but you just showed up at standard ‘come over’ time – meaning around 5pm, when the both you usually showed up or called for the other to come over to their house on a casual Saturday – and Harry opened the door with a flourish. He didn’t know how to address the whole situation. Should he have cooked a five star meal? Was this like a date? Should he have an elaborate plan? Was there a protocol? Was he even to mention the whole thing? And how could he go about it without insinuating sex? He definitely could wait until you were 150% ready, and he was sure that was not what tonight was for. He was letting his nerves consume him and all he was going to do was sleep on his own bed next to his girl for one night. Simple as that.

The whole ordeal felt so incredibly off. It was so much more awkward than your first encounter, not even the first date was this weird. You were acting like teenage kids who had crushes on each other and had been left alone in a spacious living room to play seven minutes in heaven. Everything was a lot more interesting than looking at each other in the face or talking. Clearly this was your first time sleeping over at a boyfriend’s house and Harry’s first time hosting a girlfriend for the night.

“Oy, I can’t do this” he said after a small groan. “yeh’re sitting on the other side o’the couch. Feels like yeh’re countries away” he whined like a little boy pausing the movie. And he was right to whine. The whole purpose of this was to share some quality time with you and cuddle you and give you all of the cheeky kisses, not for the both of you to be giddy out of your minds to the point where holding hands feels like too much. He made grabby hands at you and the dorky mannerism made you laugh and ease up. Coming closer to him on the comfortable couch felt very relieving, something you didn’t think was going to happen tonight with how tense you were. His heart tightens at the thought that he’s made you agree to this under pressure, that he’s somewhat influenced you to do this, and he cannot take it. No matter how innocent the whole ordeal is, he would hate himself if you weren’t without an ounce of doubt on board.

“Do yeh wanna go home?” The words are considerably painful to spew. If you want to go home he understands, and will never bring this topic to light again for as long as you feel comfortable with. He doesn’t care about a bruised ego, it pains him more that he’s overstepped some line with you. It pains him more if you have a sour time, that’s what he wouldn’t forgive himself. But for his heart’s sake, you’re quick on your words. “What? No” your eyes are squinted in confusion at what he’s saying, what he might be insinuating even. That’s not at all what you want. You’re just... afraid, feeling very exposed. “Why?” “Well...” he clears his throat “I don’t want t’push yeh if yeh don’t wanta’ sleep ovah” the words come soft, like a small buttery whisper of reassurance that it’s ok whatever happens, you call the shots. “But.. I-I do. I want to sleep over. With you” There’s immediate heat to your cheeks, and truly it’s not because you’re lying or because you’re not fully comfortable now, – which you aren’t, in the best sense of the word. Just how no one is fully comfortable when experiencing whatever ‘first’ in life.– but because you feel so exposed admitting that you do want to sleep next to your boyfriend. You want cuddles and giddy kisses more than you’ve ever wanted them in your life. There’s a smile forming on his face considering he knows you well, he knows why you’re blushing and he also wants just that. “Then I suggest we forget the whole thing... An’ just... hang out, and when it’s time t’sleep, we jus’... Sleep... Ok?” Large warm hands come to rub your arms in soothing motions, calming your nerves as you sit face to face, foreheads touching and legs tangling with each other. You whisper a small ok and allow yourself to melt into his embrace as you settle into a small cuddle and talk about your weeks.

And just like Harry promised, when it was time to sleep, you just decided to go to sleep. Between awkward stances and nervous giggles you both worked through the whole bedtime routine. After dinner and binging some random tv show, Harry took a short shower as you brushed your teeth in your pj’s, careful not to stare at each others bodies through the tinted glass – you wore cute pink shorts and he was... naked. Enough said – and as you brushed your hair into a comfortable sleep-ready do, Harry settled into his sleepwear, thankfully donning a shirt for your sake.

Ironically enough, the shirt you picked up was an old one he once let you borrow after hanging by the pool one summer afternoon, and just like back then, it made him very happy to see you wear it, his stare and smug smile giving you instant butterflies and making you giggle shyly. Harry had seen that shy smile a thousand times today and it only served to settle it as his favourite thing you do. The innocence that radiates off you when you do it is enough to make him fawn over you, and he loves how you have no control over it, and he thinks about how you’re beautifully unaware of just how cute you are.

Coming together to the edge of the bed feels like some sort of life-or-death event is about to happen. Suddenly the bed seems too big and like you’re both going to drown in it. The white sheets look uncharacteristically intimidating and weirdly cold. Before you spiral down Overthinking Lane, you take deep breaths and turn to Harry, realising he’s doing just the same. The look on your faces is enough to have you explode in laughter. How silly is this whole thing? It’s just sleep. It’s just a bed. It’s just you two being very normal. “What side do you want” You find yourselves saying at the same time, causing a second wave of laughs and cute snorts. And not too late after a third wave breaks through when you find yourselves saying “right side” at the same time. Harry takes this as a perfect moment to ease the nerves. “Too bad” he starts “I can’t sleep unless it’s the right side” pushing you out of the way so he can lay on the side he normally sleeps on.

You mock shock and push him back before he can sit down and claim it. With a chuckle he stops in his tracks and holds you at arms length. “Excuse you” “Yes?” “This is the part where you’re a gentleman and give me the right side” With fake confusion he tilts his head up, as if wondering whether or not you’re right about that statement. Should he let you have it? He decides you could use more fun and he’s not giving up his side of the bed – He’s made a perfect indent on it through the months, no way he’s sleeping on the uncomfortable side – and so he pokes at your sides making you squirm out of his grasp “Nope! My side!” he chants over and over as you squeal and jump around his room trying to escape his moving fingers and the tingles. “Not fair, not fair, not fair” you repeat between giggles, trying to reach out your own hands to tickle him back.

For a good minute or so you’re engrossed in a tickle fight, clearing all the tension in your guts and strain in the air. “Ok stop stop!” Harry’s quick to say when in the middle of the battle he’s thought up the best solution to the situation at hand. Picking you up in his arms –not without you letting out a short shriek first – he walks your bodies over to the bed where he lets himself fall on the right side with you right on top. “We’ll share it” he whispers to your ear giving you shivers. Two bodies trying to share a third of the bed is the funniest thing when you picture it in your brain but it is indeed the perfect fix to the problem. “It’s so little space” you giggle and he shrugs caressing your back under his shirt you’re wearing. “we’ve shared smaller” and you have. His couch is possibly a whole foot smaller than the space you’re sharing on the bed right now, and since you’re used to laying on top of him when you take naps there, your next move surprises him in the most pleasurable of ways. Scooting your body up on his until you’re laid perfectly on top has him wide eyed in surprise but quickly that’s replaced with a happy lazy smile on his soft features. Surely his body is more comfortable than his bed will ever be and right there and then you’re as cozy as ever. “There” comes out of your lips in a whisper and there’s nothing Harry can do but close the very short distance between your faces and plant his lips on yours in an attentive kiss, with lips soft as clouds and tongue warm as you know it, he presses a hand to your face to keep you in place as his other continues to rub circles on your bare back where his shirt has hiked up.

Breaking the kiss you’re left to sigh in complete happiness. This wasn’t so bad. In fact this was beyond perfect. Harry’s warm chest vibrated with each word he said and it soothed your soul very much like how honey felt going down your throat when you battle a cold. “Are yeh comfortable?” He mutters against your lips and you nod your head, mouth too busy biting down on your bottom lip in shyness to try and say the actual word. “Well yeh’re on top dear...” he says casually, groping one of your thighs with his hand that’s not under your shirt on your back – as if the sentence wouldn’t give you shivers – and letting his head fall on his pillow, “‘S your job to pull the sheets over us” Harry smiles, cheeky green eyed boy as usual, and you roll your eyes at him sitting up on his pelvis – as if that’s not going to give him shivers – and reaching for the silky now-not-so-intimidating fabric and pulling it to cover your bodies. With the hand that’s on your back he reaches out to turn off his side lamp, enclosing you in almost total darkness.

Laying on his chest, sheets over the both of you, and head tucked in his neck, taking in his scent that you’re engulfed in, you feel the most at ease you’ve ever felt. Whatever reason you had to say no the first time he opted you stayed over felt like the silliest thing. You deprived yourself of this for almost a week, and neither of you were sure if it would be possible to sleep without this... The only word to describe it was peace. Warm, gentle, perfect peace. Harry had dreamed of seeing your face waking up next to him, but what he didn’t know is that the best part of everything was this right now. The slow breaths and feeling of bodies purely melting onto each other, the thudding yet calm heartbeats. He was confused as to how the weight of you on top of him somehow made it strangely easy to breathe. You wondered how just the ghost feeling of his hand on your back made you feel so free, but it did. It was perfect peace. “Good night Harry” you whispered pressing a kiss to his jaw and sighing as you wiggled your body into comfort. With a smile Harry returned the action kissing your forehead before sighing contently. “Best night” he whispered before letting himself go to sleep, thinking over and over how perfectly complete he felt.

This is not proof-read. Wrote it in a heat while I should have been working on my thesis. Whoops. Sorry for typos I’ll edit them out later.

#ifiwriteagain #fanfiction #about harry #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #idk what im doing #why am i writing #wow #Right Side #inspired by a line in someone's amazing writing #harry styles blurb

122 notes · View notes

ieatsurveys · 4 years

Text

Have you ever had a computer virus before? Sure have.

Are you dependent upon anyone? In one area, yes.

Are there any book characters you’d like to portray? Nope.

Who did you last text? My Dad.

Is there anything on your bed right now? Lots of stuff.

When was the last time you went to the grocery store? Last week.

What way would you like to die when it’s your time? Quickly please.

What are you most afraid of in the world? Lots of things.

Have you ever been caving? No, I wish, though.

Do you do well in math related things? Not at all.

What is your favorite fruit? Grapes.

If you had to choose, which sibling would you live with? My younger one.

Do you have any tattoos? Nope.

Are you planning on getting any in the near future? I want some in the future, yes.

When was your last date? A while ago. I took a break to work on myself and to heal from my last boyfriend. But, I still talk to some guys I went on dates with. We aren’t close by any means, but we are on each other’s Facebook and we talk once in a while.

When did you get Facebook? 2006?

Are any of your family members in jail? Nope.

What was your first pet’s name? I think her name was Kayla.

Are you good when it comes to computer issues? Eh, not really. I can tell if it’s a software or a hardware problem, though.

Are there any people at your job who absolutely hates you? Oh, indeed. For dumb reasons, too. Haha. They hate most of the people at work, though. They’re the Karens of the workplace.

What was the last book you read? I don’t even know.

Have you ever read any books in one day? Yes.

What was the last thing you bought? Sunflower seeds?

What are your plans for tomorrow? Working and relaxing.

Is there any jewelry you wear constantly? There is. Once I’m back to work work, though, I’ll have to take it off. I work with mentally ill kids and trust me, they WILL tear my jewelry off.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? Nope.

Do you prefer cool, warm or neutral colors? I don’t know. I mean, cool colors look good on me.

Have you ever taken art classes? Yes.

What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever seen? Many.

Do you know how to work a cash register? Yes.

Fact or fiction novels? I read more fiction books.

Have you ever suffered from depression? Indeed.

Do you think you’re a clingy person? I’m definitely not.

Do you enjoy kisses on the cheek? Yes.

Have you ever been in a physical fight before? One.

How often would you say you disagree with your parents? Too much, haha.

What color shirt did you wear yesterday? I don’t even know.

Do you have a job? If so, do you like it? I do and not so much.

Have you ever been called a slut before? Yep.

What’s something you’ve been craving? Burgers.

Have you ever slept with your window open? Yes.

Can you play violin? I cannot :(

What was the last desert you had? Does a dark chocolate candy bar count?

Have you ever had a wild animal as a pet? Sure haven’t.

Do you know anyone you talk to on Facebook but won’t talk to in person? No, I don’t think so.

What color are your mother’s eyes? Brown.

Do you have a best friend? If so, how long have you been best friends? I have a group of friends where we are all very close with each other. In fact, we’re doing a small get together on Saturday! <3

Do you cry easily? I don’t think so. I will cry if I am super triggered or really angry. I don’t really cry that easily when I am sad.

Have you ever been into a court room? Yes.

How many necklaces would you say you own? One.

Do you plan on being strict towards your children? Not as strict as my parents were on me, no. But, alas, that can change once I’m a parent.

Do you own any tie-dye shirts? No.

What would you say is your favorite day of the week? Friday or Saturday.

Do you ever wear lipstick? Yep.

Do you own a pool? My parents do.

Do you have a Tumblr account? ....yes.

Would you say you’re overweight? Oh, yeah.

How many colors are in your hair? It’s a mix of reds, blondes, light browns, and dark browns.

Do you flirt with a lot of people? Nah.

How many bank accounts do you have? One.

Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Like, when I was 12.

How old are you? 31.

Do you attend church regularly? I’m trying to.

Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? I’ve found many songs which relate to particular areas of my life, yes.

What time did you wake up this morning? 6:30.

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? Who even knows at this point, haha.

What kind of car do you drive? Sebring.

What kind of car would you like to have? Any car that drives, haha.

Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? Yes, and I haven’t been there in years. A blizzard, though, hands down.

How old did you turn on your last birthday? 31. You already asked how old I was.

Ever felt like falling apart? Who says I’m not right at the moment? Haha.

Have you ever been in an ambulance? Yes.

Do you tend to worry a lot? Yes.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? I can’t remember. Maybe 6?

Do you remember your first time on the internet? Yes.

Which website do you email from? Gmail.

Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Not so much.

Do you get angry with people easily? Eh, it builds up. I guard a lot of my anger.

Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? I try to get along with everyone. If there’s people that don’t, that’s okay.

Have you ever had the flu? Yes.

What about strep throat? Yes.

What would you say is the worst kind of emotional pain? I mean, emotional pain is pretty tough.

Have you ever been to a psychologist? Indeed.

What’s the worst part about school? All the homework, haha.

Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? I took one class at a time for my Bachelor’s online and finished in four years. It was alright. It wasn’t too overwhelming but definitely time consuming.

When was your last vacation? August?.

Would you ever consider going on a cruise? Yes.

What did you last buy from the store? Groceries.

Would you say you enjoy being single or in a relationship more? I’m single now and kinda hating it. I’m just fearful of really never finding someone.

Do you try to stay busy a lot? Yes, but quarantine makes it hard.

What’s your favorite quote? I have several.

Do you lie a lot? Not really.

Do you still act childish most of the time? No.

Did you ever enjoy gym class? I personally hate it.

What is your biggest insecurity? My weight.

Have you ever painted a room alone? No.

Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room? -

What does your favorite jacket / hoodie look like? I don’t have a favorite jacket/hoodie.

What’s for dinner tonight? I’m doing a cleanse today, so nada.

Do you ever drink alcohol? Yes.

Have you ever had a terrible hangover? Indeed. Lasted for two days straight.

Do you ever get migraines? Once in a while.

Do you know how to garden? I mean, I know the seed goes into the ground haha.

What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? My phone charger.

Do people consider you to be a funny person? Yeah, I think so. I don’t know,

Do you have any bad habits? Depression makes me have bad habits. It’s so hard to overcome them.

Do you like children? If not, why is this? Yep.

What is your favorite snack? Goldfish.

Do you own any gaming systems? Nah.

How old were your parents when they had you? In their 20s.

Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like? There is no one.

Do you trashtalk people a lot? No.

What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? Memes, GIFs.

Does the future excite you or scare you? It scares me with my mental health. It excites but also scares me about my career.

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, once.

Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? A healthy amount.

How often do you shower? Well, with working, every day. But I’ll be the first to admit: Since quarantine has started, I definitely have not washed my hair, haha. But, I actually don’t wash my hair every day because it’s super oily.

What would you say is your favorite genre of music? Eh, I guess you could say it’s EDM or indie rock.

Do you need to clean your bedroom? Yes.

What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? Bleh, teaching.

Do you enjoy Chinese food? Yep.

Do you smile a lot? Yes.

What is your favorite movie from the nineties? *shrugs*

Which decade were you born in? 80s.

Are you good at giving advice to people? I used to be :/

How many huge secrets do you have? I have two. One, I’ve never told.

How many people know these secrets? Zero.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Twice.

Do you ever floss? I try to do at night.

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? Yes.

Ever considered suicide? If so, did you try to commit suicide? Yes and yes.

Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? Coworkers, haha.

Do you like texting or calling people more? Texting, usually.

What’s your favorite band? X Ambassadors.

Do you have a lot of friends? I have enough. <3

Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Nope.

Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I enjoy going out to eat, but I usually don’t unless a bunch of us are gonna grab drinks.

When did you last babysit, if ever? 2018.

Do you have any younger siblings? Yes.

Have you ever thought of someone as useless? No, but I have thought of people as lazy when they’ve come in my classroom and sit on their asses.

Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? No.

Do you drink vitamin water? Not regularly, no.

Do you ever straighten your hair? Nope, it’s already pretty straight.

What’s the best way to end a conversation? Uh, bye?

Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Yes.

Have you ever had a Big Mac before? Yep.

Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I mostly attract people I have no interest in, haha. --> Yep.

Where is your favorite place to travel? California to visit my niece <3

What is your goal for the next few months? Stay sane? --> Yes.

Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? Yes.

Do you own a lot of shoes? Maybe 10 pairs of shoes. I’m sure that’s not a lot compared to other people.

What is your favorite season and why? Everything except winter.

Does photography interest you at all? Yep.

Have you ever played on a sports team before? If you have, what was that sport and when? Yes and softball. Maybe 2002?

Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No.

Do you think you’re a good singer? I know I’m not, haha.

Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? Jeans.

Do you think you have a good sense of style? Yes.

Do you enjoy reading often? Yep.

Have you ever had a deadly illness? No.

Ever had food-poisoning before? Yeah.

Where did you last eat dinner at? In my kitchen.

Have you ever shot a gun before? Not a real gun, no.

0 notes