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not-souleaterpost · 11 days

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ENTP CRONA DUMP

Not going back on my word, just forgot to post a dump of "ENTP Crona" stuff I planed to just post all at once in a year, but after trying to stop doing stuff like that, I just thought I post what I had and be done with it.

, the thing even I don't really find funny, but I think I have to do it to get it out and book end it. A lot of it isn't really funny, some of it may sound a bit edgy or abrasive, but it's just in good fun, still putting it under the "keep reading thing" because of the amount and shittyness of the "content" Enjoy or yeah...sorry

ENTP Crona experiencing a soul rejection, screaming in agony because of not being able to deal with figuring out if "video games are art" or "video games aren't art" is the more contrarian oppinion at the moment

ENTP Crona reading shizophrenia symptoms on google "Wow, he is literally me"

ENTP Crona fleeing into the desert, going down a hole to cry

Ragnarok "Wait, the cow already killed Medusa a year ago, why we doing this bitch shit again?"

ENTP Crona "I posted a deliberately controversial and edgy meme into the group chat again, when they all see it, I wont be able to deal with how angry everyone will be..."

Soul: "You cant just nonstop spam shit on the internet, people will think you don't have a life"

ENTP Crona: "But I kinda don't..."

Soul: "Still writting on every single subject for 10 hours straight must be tiring and exhaustive, take a break"

ENTP Crona: "But I wrote everything in the last 5 minutes

Soul: "Heh, dont like partys either? Guess reading the room can be stressful even for somebody as cool as me sometimes-"

ENTP Crona "No, I can read it just fine, just then choose to say the thing that sets the roof on fire and regret it five seconds later.

ENTP Crona trying to figure out if Maka subscribes to the theory that Holden is a child abuser himself in "The Catcher in the Rye", only if yes, to arguee that not even the creep teacher was one and it is a misreading, and its actually about idk, read it in school so cant even come up with an explantion.

ENTP Crona trying to cheer up a crying Maka, after she got made fun of for liking bad music by Soul

"No, I like Speeding bullet 2 heaven too! Well except the Beavis and Butthead skits, even I am not that contrarian"

ENTP Crona curled up in the corner of the dark dungeon, not able to face the world, cause liking Ringo Star is to mainstream now but changing to hating him is just too painful...

ENTP Crona after everyone gets confronted with their lives just being fiction

"Well actually I prefere the anime ending"

But after mostly everyone agrees

"But, actually the manga works in a certain way afterall-"

ENTP Crona during the anime only scene where Maka and Crona talk about Maka's mom - its the same scene lol, remember those 4th wall breaking snide comments Crona barely managed to not blabber out loud lol

ENTP Crona "Marvel movies were allways bad"

Marie "Oh you aren't dumb and incompetent!"

ENTP Crona "Why did it took me 8 hours to put together the IKEA table?"

Marie "Oh dont be to hard on yourself, screwing in the table legs upside down could happen to anybody!"

Maka confronting Medusa: I'm here to save ENTP Crona and Mary!

Medusa: Nah, they both are still stuck in the maze going in circles

ENTP Crona after a tourist asks for directions in Death City: "I'll be honest, even though I am living here for years now, I myself cant deal finding my home without google maps"

ENTP Crona "I'm the Joker, baby! (Jared Leto version)"

ENTP Crona "-oh so a glorbo, or smol bean, cinamon bun is a charachter like Paulie from the Sopranos!"

ENTP Crona after trying to read "Finnegans Wake" "Damn, thats how high I still have to climb..."

ENTP Crona watching X:RA "Wow, I actually get 90 percent of the wordplay! This show is great!"

MGMT Patty : "Time to pretend..."

*ENTP Crona visualising all the different ways to take out and kill the people around*

Ragnarok "And I thought I was the psychopath! We aren't even eating souls anymore, whats guipi wrong with you?

ENTP "Grocery shopping is boring and I thought about the 3 different storys I'll never write down enough for one hour..."

ENTP Crona "-and that's why the metodology that is used to diagnose diseases by only relying on a checklist of data points that may have many different origin points is flawed

Stein "I am the doctor with 10 years experience, take your antibiotics prescription and get out!"

Stein, litting a cigarete after ENTP Crona goes out after apologising "Damn, the kid may be right, shit..."

ENTP Crona be like "Actually, I think Epstein is still alive"

ENTP Crona "Yeah Myerrs brigs and Horrorscopes are the same... Because they both actually are describing something and aren't completly wrong, if you know you know...

ENTP Crona actually getting a tatoo even though it is a stupid thing to do in general, because thats the only way to remember Maka's birthday. Cause aint nobody remembering more than 4 digits...

ENTP Crona using all experience and time to reflect, to start a dramatic uplifting speech that leads into Maka defeating the Kishin with a punch- Ah wait thats just what happened in the anime again lol

ENTP Crona: "I wore a dress for most of my life, yet that is not as embarassing as riding on an electric scooter"

ENTP Crona "Oh ofcourse I'm to scatterbrained and lazy to actually finish a webcomic, that's why I included an in universe callout by a charachter, so I will stay motivated out of spite and want of being better than those, proving the mean pixels wrong!"

ENTP Crona: -the setting being the aftermath of a nuclear testing site is a brilliant synedoche of our society pre and post world war 2, how the atomic age is nearly unrecognisable, being both so much more advanced that previous incarnations do not even look human in retrospect, while exagerating ourselfs into cartoon versions of ourselfs do to paranoia and stereotypes, shared faster and faster, that we soak up like Sponges, being the perfect worker and consumer in one - in a way thats Rock Bottom, the breakdown of communication, only restored by recognising the humanity of the other, even if they look at us with even more potent disgust than we already do.

Maka: Wait, I thought these iceberg videos were just supposed to list of fun facts and triva about Spongebob

ENTP Crona: What gave you that idea, Maka?

TERF Maka: I STILL hate J K Rowling

EC: "Borat is racist-"

M: "No the joke is that he exposes the prejudices of the common american person-"

EC "against Kazakhstanis"

M: "No no- wait... you are right..."

EC: "If MF Ghost was with the culture, it would have used Phonk instead of Eurobeat"

EC: "Where the fuck is Marioh Judah?"

*EC annoys excalibur into quitting*

EC :"Im like prince, everybody thinks In gay but actually im homophobic-"

EC: "Non-cellular phones actually had their purpose - like if somebody called them, you would either know nobody is home, or the person who answered could either inform you where the one you are calling is if you didnt reach the person or just find them - also the fact it was in the same spot ment nobody lost it and could allways find it when needed and it never ran out of battery, also-"

M: "If you don't like the phonecase I gifted you just say so...

R: "Dude, dont we still use mirrors for comunication"

EC "Think Im constrained by the limitations of canons?"

TRAD Tsubaki "Well they didn't make a sign of the cross in the church, so they kinda deserved being slayn by Ragnarok..."

M "Hey you are looking down, everything ok?

EC "Thanks for caring, but the thing is, to explain it all, all the connections and reasons and evidence would make me just look more weird and whiny, and this all, including the fact that I cant even say why I cant say without being whiny and long winged is part of it...

EC "I used trouble not descending into negative loops of self pity and disgust with myself and the world... But then I just developed a hyperfixation on not-having-hyperfixations"

???? Death: IDK

EC *reading the bible* "It even predicted people obssesing over lolcows with the whole golden calf story, damn...

EC: Rip Kissinger

EC: Slouching? No, I'm just posture-divergent

EC: I do love myself - one has to love even their biggest enemy...

EC in the future:

M: Are you really ready for children?

EC: I accidentally watched a trailer for despicable me 4, and after hearing all the pandering 80s song and repetitive family hinjix humor I just thought "Oh, how cozy would this be to watch with my Kids and Wife!"

So yeah, I CAN deal with it

#ENTP Crona #Crona #Soul Eater #Au #Soul Eater Au #worst thing I ever came up with #this is it #besides iceberg uploads and links #also by the end I abriviate entp crona to ec #includes a few bonus four letter modifiers for other charachters....

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smallcowplant · 4 years

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[ P A R T T W O ]

my favorite thing is monsters (book one) by emil ferris 🧟‍♀️🔍🧛‍♀️

quick synopsis: adult (coming-of-age story from the perspective of a young girl, but definitely targeted at an older audience)/graphic novel. set in late 60′s chicago, the fictional graphic diary of ten year old karen reyes recounts her experiences as she tries to solve the murder of her beautiful and enigmatic upstairs neighbor, a holocaust survivor.

page count: 416

rating:★★★ (this is a hard rating for me...think 3.7-3.9....oscillating to a 4....4.2....I don’t know, man)

review: I keep doing this fun and cool thing where I buy a book without realizing it’s the first in an (unfinished) series, and then end up being cast woefully adrift by reality. that’s what I did with this one. purely based on the artwork alone, I can tell you that this book is a treat for the eyes. a lot is going on here, and there’s something so engrossing about being swept up into the chaotic pen strokes and colors. the story is an interesting one, and not entirely what you expect. the characters are all distinct and layered---really riveting people who feel near-painfully real. as the first book in a two (?) book series, it leaves off with the central (and now additional) mysteries unsolved---which leaves the reading experience feeling unfinished and kind of disjointed. I’m stuck in a bit of a confusing mid-zone with this one, where I truly....well, I can't say I enjoyed it, since this story is so much more than that? I was...fascinated? enveloped? I’ll be reading the next one, definitely.

one of us is lying by karen m. mcmanus 🥜🚓📱

quick synopsis: young adult/contemporary mystery/suspense. five students walk into detention. only four make it out alive. who did it...and who is lying?

page count: 361

rating:★★★ (firm 3.7)

review: the breakfast club....but with murder? if you’re down for that, you’ll enjoy this book! it certainly kept my attention. and MAN was this a suspenseful and super stressful read. (if you need a book that’ll make you go “wow, I’m glad I’m not in high school anymore”, this is it lol!) there’s a bunch of really interesting character studies going on in this one, and it definitely lends to a tense and involving read. the only reason the rating isn’t any higher is just that certain elements of it didn’t work...entirely...for me. that doesn’t mean that they were bad...just not what I...wanted? there’s two more books in this series, and while I’m not anxious to get my hands on them, I’m fairly sure I would read them!

murder at morrington hall: a stella and lyndy mystery by clara mckenna 🐎🍵💏

quick synopsis: adult/historical mystery. 1905. stella kendrick, a lively and confident american heiress, is tricked into an arranged marriage by her coldly ambitious father. her groom-to-be is viscount “lyndy” lyndhurst, who is both roughish and financially strapped. despite this rough beginning, they find themselves oddly drawn to each other. could they actually be a good match? however, all courtship is set aside when the pair discover the vicar who was to marry them----dead in the library. now they must work together to solve the crime and find the culprit.

page count: 304

rating: ★★

review: ugh, it pains me to say, as I thought I was signing myself up for a fun turn-of-the-century murder mystery/romance...but this was just...meh. a meh story. I feel like it had potential to be an enjoyable, soapy romp with a dash of sensuality...but it was none of those things? (basically, I wanted a self-indulgent and delicious slice of chocolate cake...but I ended up with a week-old raisin muffin.) it didn't help that I had some issues with certain things the writer included. in particular, I REALLY didn’t like the equating of fat = mean/ugly and the repeated use of the word “bulbous” to describe certain characters noses----I had to do a quick google search to see what the hell the author was talking about. still not sure if she was trying to imply that the characters had rhinophyma/rosacea or just that they had bigger, “ugly” noses, but neither is good lmao. whenever you put a “plain/regular-degular person” with a big nose up against your array of stock White People™ characters with thin noses and angular faces, AND make those “plain” characters play the “wow, I’m so ugly but these characters are so pretty oh woe is me” bullshit in their inner monologue, I’m dipping. I’ve collected my paycheck, clocked out, left the building. (your story is already about a bunch of rich, straight, white people in 1905...I’m already skeptical, don’t test me. jk, but also not.) I’m fairly sure this would have caused a decent amount of people to DNF this book, but I’m a stubborn little bitch, and if I paid actual money for the hardcover copy at goddamn Barnes and Noble, I’m reading it. this is all to say that....if I’m being thrown out of enjoying your soapy historical murder mystery to gripe about random shit, there’s a problem. other than that? carpet was described a lot, the twist was decent, the romance was okay (no smut---or anything even vaguely close to romantic/sexual tension---and the kisses were not described at all, so I have no clue if either of them do more than press their lips together while admiring each others pale necks, but whatever), and the setting was the most interesting thing about this book (a crumbling english estate in the countryside?? sign me tf up). I won’t be reading anything more in this series, but that cover is pretty cool isn’t it? (I don’t know that the vase had anything to do with the story I read, but it does look really neat.) sidenote: hate to be a smarmy asshole, as I know full well how much work goes into writing, and I’m in no way trying to shame the author...this book just didn’t do it for me.

wilder girls by rory power 🌳🦷🥀

quick synopsis: young adult/horror/mystery. on an isolated island off the coast of maine, raxter school for girls is under quarantine. a mysterious disease has wracked the island, leaving teachers dead, students twisted and changed, and the woods that surround it dangerous and wild. while the disease consumes the island, the girls wait---for help, for the cure that was promised to them. but when hetty’s best friend disappears, she must venture out of the safety of the school, past the gate that separates them from the woods---and what she finds will change everything.

page count: 363

rating: ★★★★★

review: powerful, blistering, and utterly terrifying. that’s what immediately comes to mind when thinking about this book. I read it in a breakneck pace, devouring the whole thing in a feverish five? hour haze. once it was over, I sat bleary-eyed, the air around me feeling different than before, my hands tense and my stomach jumping. “you were a good one.” I said softly, kissing the spine. so yeah, it’s good. it’s very good. heartbreaking and awful and shockingly beautiful. this one hurts. I felt this one in my bones, in my soul. read it.

lovely war by julie berry 🌷💥💞

quick synopsis: young adult (but the youngest character is 18...so I think this could comfortably slot into adult)/historical (with a touch of fantasy). the intersecting stories of hazel, james, aubrey, and colette: a classical pianist from london, a british would-be-architect-turned-soldier, a harlem-born ragtime genius in the u.s. army, and a belgian orphan with a gorgeous voice and a devastating past----told by the goddess aphrodite, who must spin the tale or face judgment on mount olympus.

page count: 468

rating: ★★★★★

review: do you know how many times I CRIED while reading this book? because I certainly don’t! I lost track, as there are simply too many painful and beautiful things contained in this book. heart-wrenching, sumptuous and intoxicating, vivid in the best and worst ways, sharp and soft at the same time. I met my boyfriend while he was still active-duty military, so the wartime/seperation themes hit me very personally....but even without that, this book is excellent. expertly weaving together mythology and history in one gripping piece of art, it left me with a wistful smile on my face and a faint ache in my heart. it’s good. very good.

we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson 🏡💀🐱

quick synopsis: young adult? adult? who knows!/mystery/horror. mary katherine blackwood is eighteen years old and lives with her sister constance. she has often thought that with any luck at all she would have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both of her hands are the same length, but she has had to be content with what she has. she dislikes washing herself, and dogs, and noise. she likes her sister constance, and richard plantagenet, and amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. everyone else in her family is dead.

page count: 146

rating: ★★★★ (4.5/4.6!)

review: delightfully creepy and utterly odd, with a full cast of extremely unlikable characters and one of the strangest protagonists I’ve ever read. at NO TIME did I have any idea where the story was going, which lead to an completely bizarre (but fun!) reading experience. twilight-zonian/gothic...but better. very eager to read more of shirley jackson’s catalogue, because that lady sure knew how to weave a tale. very glad I read this one.

sadie by courtney summers 📻👥🎙

quick synopsis: young adult (mc is nineteen, and imo I feel like this slides into adult tbh)/contemporary/true crime. told from the alternating perspectives of nineteen-year-old sadie, who runs away from home to find her younger sister’s killer, and a true crime podcast exploring sadie’s disappearance.

page count: 308

rating: ★★★

review: sad, awful, raw. that’s this book, simultaneously bright red and angry and deep blue, sadness upon sadness. this book reminds me of every true crime documentary I’ve ever watched---how it wraps itself up in a depressingly soft way, all the emptiness left behind and everything forever-changed. gives me the same icky voyeuristic feeling consuming any true crime content always leaves with me---this peculiar feeling of peering in to others heartbreak, of their horrors. this is a hard book. it’s difficult and not easy to stomach---and it never lets up. know that before you go in. what you may expect/want is NOT what you’ll get. and that’s the trueness of this book. I have my own personal feelings regarding the story, thus the three star rating, but that’s on ME. this book is incredibly well-written and insanely gripping. I finished it the same night I started reading it. if you want a gritty, intense read set in the very bleak reality of our world, this is your book.

FEBRUARY

BOOKS READ: 14

PAGES READ: 4225

# OF 2020 BOOKS READ SO FAR: 17/50

in reflection: my goal for this month was to read ten books, and I did that ...plus four more! so I’m pretty proud of myself, lol! there were a lot of stellar reads this month, and I had so much fun discovering them all! definitely a TON of new favorites to add to my bookshelf! :^)

disclaimer: all fourteen of the books I read this month include/focus on potentially triggering content, although they do fluctuate on the scale of intensity and subject matter. my wrap-up reviews do not contain spoilers/a comprehensive list of potential triggers. I urge everyone to do their own research regarding the content of these books if you’re interested in reading them, and I’m always available for questions. my reviews are just that, reviews, and books that work for me may not work for you (and vice versa).

#sam's 50 books of 2020 #nonsims #sam speaks #body horror cw #for wilder girls cover #and for wilder girls in general lol

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riikkamhaynes-blog · 5 years

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👏Book review👏 or analysis... whatever

Koston enkeli (the angel of revenge) by Juha Ruusuvuori (published 2014)

The table of content

Introduction (synopsis)

No spoiler review (the writing, dialogue, the pacing + ending, the characters)

Spoilery overview of the plot

The bullshit

Things I liked

What can the writers learn from this?

My rating

Recommendations

Introduction

I found this book in my local bookstore. It was on sale for five euros. It would’ve been around 30 on normal occasions. The cover was cool, the name was intriguing and the price was fair. This book promised to be a psychological thriller about gender roles and the downfall of relationships. Keep that in mind...

My thoughts on it?

Synopsis

The book has two main protagonists; Mia and Harry. They are an old married couple. Mia hears a rumor that Harry could have cheated on her with another younger woman. The prologue shows a murder taking place. Neither the victim nor the culprit is named and their identities are completely ambiguous.

It’s essentially a psychological whodunnit story.

The book is written in Finnish and, as far as I know, hasn’t been translated into English. It’s not a big loss if you ask me.

Non-spoiler review

The chapters were written in a bizarre style. There were no spelled out chapter breaks. There was nothing where you would see “chapter 1, chapter 2, etc”. It may not sound like a lot but it does make a difference when you’re reading. Did I like it?

Look, this format is actually quite common in some nonfiction books but this is the first fiction I’ve read that utilizes it.

Since it is a mystery, I don’t mind an ambiguous narrative and a different format, in fact, if done right, it would enhance the story. I just didn’t like it in this book.

Now, I’m not saying that this failed entirely. The format did help the ambiguity of the story, even if the way it did that was by confusing the f*ck out of me. It almost merged the two POV characters into one. It might have worked.

I do question the need for this formatting choice. I personally didn’t care for it. My main problem is that I don’t feel like this book really benefited from it. I do not think it would’ve made a difference if the book was formatted normally. It was just a big meh for me.

The writing

I have no problems with the actual writing. I found it to be quite wonderful and vivid (even though the book didn’t really describe the setting). The sentence structure was okay (in a way that the length varied). The lack of adverbs was delightful.

What I’m trying to say is that the writing was simply

The Dialogue

It was written in a way that turned it into blocks of unintelligible garbage.

For some unknown reason to man, this author decided not to include ANY dialogue tags. It was just as confusing as it sounds. I found this to be incredibly hard to follow. I don’t that style added anything to the narrative.

More than that, I feel like this style took away from the entertainment value. I love dialogue. It brings the characters alive... but not when it’s written just as another paragraph.

The dialogue was written as the characters telling the reader what was said.

Example:

I told Harry that I was down to fuck if he did the dishes. He told me that he would see to it as soon as we left the funeral.

(That never happened in the story, don’t worry.)

I think that type of dialogue is okay when used when it needs to be used (like in small talk and greetings). It, however, does take away from the showing aspect of the story. We all know that you should show, not tell and this type of dialogue tells. It breaks the immersion when used with conversations that would be better when shown.

There is another problem with this writing choice.

Dialogue helps to break up the normally bland look of the page. Let me show you what I mean by examining these two pages (u don’t gotta read them):

Isn’t that just beautiful? Doesn’t it make you ooze with anticipation to read it?

Then check this out:

The latter one looks way more appetizing. The chances are that you even tried to read specific parts in it. This is because most humans don’t digest big chunks of information easily. I’m not saying that you NEED to have dialogue on every page, in fact, you shouldn’t have it in just to fill space.

That being said, an entire book made out of bricks of plain text with nothing to break it up is going to drive not just the characters to homicide, but the reader as well.

(Both of the examples I gave were of fictional texts so the argument that one is meant to be factual will not hold. Even with textbooks that are meant to convey information, the text shouldn’t be a brick wall because it hinders the amount of information the reader is going to actually pick up. The page is often broken up in textbooks with diagrams and pictures.)

You can also break up the text by doing certain parts in different styles, eg bold and italic. I use this a lot to highlight certain words and sentences so that the reading experience is more interesting.

Conclusion:

Avoid big blocks of bland text because the human subconscious doesn’t find them visually interesting and can often be put away by it.

On a side note; if you plan to have a no-dialogue book, at least break it up in the writing formatting. I would be careful with a no-dialogue book since it’s hard to pull it off. It would put a lot more focus on your writing ability and all of your weak points in writing would pop up like a line of motherfucking erections.

(Not everyone is affected by the bricks as much as others are. I would be wary of it but you definitely shouldn’t freak out if you have it in certain parts of your manuscript. Just make sure that the whole book is not made out of it.)

The pacing

The book was an easy read partly due to the fast pacing. The start was fast and the snippets to the murder helped to keep the reader interested. I didn’t notice any inconsistencies until the very end of the book.

Ah, the ending. The most important and meaningful part of a book... I am disappointed.

We all know what the three-act structure is. It is universally the most popular guideline for the pacing, tension-building and story structure. In essence, tension should rise as the story nears the end. There is a big climax and then everything is tied together, the reader left satisfied.

That’s how it went here, riiigghhhht?

It felt flat.

The author clearly tried to set the tension up, but it failed because we were given too much information and the events leading up to it were unrealistic.

The ending felt flat party because we knew what to expect. And although we didn’t know for sure whodunnit, we knew pretty much what else would have to happen before the end. To me, it felt like the author didn’t put that much effort into making the ending surprising.

He made it clear who was going to die and the only “surprise” was the killer (but it feels like I’m picking at straws when I call that a surprise). It was quite clear that he thought he was being smart by writing it the way he did, but I’m not buying it.

For me, it felt like the pacing was the highest at the start and the middle and that the ending was like a depressing mudslide.

It also felt like there was no structure in the story. I couldn’t pick up when each act was ending. It was confusing.

The characters

One is a cheating whore, the other one is a paranoid cunt.

The paranoia I can understand but it became unhealthy real quick and the cheater turned out to be a huge prick out of the blue (this person was portrayed as a reasonable person prior to the reveal so it didn’t make sense).

I did actually like seeing these two people descend into complete madness. I can give that to the book. Their psychological journey was fun to watch even if there were big parts of the book that let me down.

I enjoyed both viewpoints and it was a very entertaining read. I didn’t personally like either of the POV characters but I can forgive that because they kept me interested.

This book only had two side characters. Their personalities were consistent and reasonable. I could easily believe that they were real people.

The only character I didn’t believe could be a real person was the cheater as their personality kept on swinging and changing depending on the situation. They suddenly changed their morals without explanation. It was super inconsistent and could’ve been fixed by establishing their motives more clearly.

One of this book’s strong suits is the way the author wrote the characters. There was one big inconsistency, but everyone was written in a way that kept the reader interested.

Spoilers from here on out

Spoiler overlook of the plot

An unnamed person gets shot in an unknown location (a bible quote is cited by the killer)

Mia and Harry are having a family vacation. Mia finds out that Harry was seen speaking to another woman in a smoke break.

Mia goes on a big manhunt to expose Harry and basically starts stalking him.

They do a bunch of anniversary shit, have sex a couple of times, Mia is a possessive cunt, the story plays around with the whodunnit question (and whether Harry actually cheated or not).

Mia gets more and more paranoid because Harry smelled like perfume after he left a huge party (and other small things)... because that makes sense.

Harry is a cheating cunt, wow, who woulda thought...

Mia hires a private detective to catch Harry

Mia has a hissy fit and punches a mirror because she is salty of her fading looks and that her husband is going after a younger hot black chick

She is frustrated because nothing turns up from the detective instead of being happy

She fucks with the detective

Harry breaks up with Melissa (we find out that they were together for over a year...)

Mia and Harry come clean about their misadventures

Harry throws a hissy fit because Mia slept with another guy... once... when he slept with another bitch for over a year... classy.

They somehow live in peace for six weeks bc there is a time skip (because their life totally would be uneventful after a situation like that... and we as the reader don’t need to see that shit)

They try to live their life and everyone is jealous and angry

A person is seen going to a hotel and shooting Melissa

There is this weird time skip where we see Harry in a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane and Mia goes out the see him...

The end...

The bullshit

1. At first, I thought the author did the mystery well in a sense that we never knew for sure who it was, but then he kept on giving. He never stopped. He set up everything so clearly against Mia that we knew it was not going be her. We could tell that the killer would be the only character not presented as a suspect (Harry).

That is a classic strategy in mystery but it was overdone in this one.

It got to the point where everything was spelled out as a possible solution and I stopped caring. There was no tension because we knew too much. Please take notes because this happens all too often.

Give enough information so that the reader has questions. Don’t tell the answers to all possible outcomes and only leave the reader with “which one is it gonna be” because it will be boring. If we know what will happen with each option, we will not care about which one it’s going to be (since we basically know the ending in that instance).

Am I making sense? I hope so.

To be fair, the reader never knew for sure who the killer was and that did keep some “tension” in the story. I remember being like “ok, I know basically everything but I wanna keep going bc I wanna see which option the author picked.” It’s not a grand reaction to a mystery, but it’s something. It could’ve been worse.

2. The setting of the story is barely described. I get the point. It’s a psychological mystery. The story is about the journey of this couple. I do however think it’s necessary to at least let us know if it takes place in 2010 or 1960... To know the general time period would help us to relate to the characters more. Mia’s position and social standing would be way worse if it was the 60s whereas, in the modern day, she would be doing just fine.

Timelines are important in psychological stories because they tell a significant amount about how the character would interact with the world they live in.

3. Their relationship fell apart super fast. They have been together for over 20 years and a simple rumor from a shaky source was enough to break it up.

I call bullshit.

4. The book promised to talk about gender equality stuff but it never did. There were no scenes where Mia was treated badly or Harry being treated better. The story takes place in the modern day (I assume) Finland. If you’re gonna say that you will speak about sexism, at least pick a setting where it’s more common and a bigger problem.

A note from my reading diary:

Now that I think about it, maybe the gender role thing isn’t a troll. Mia is shown cooking and it’s made clear it’s unusual and that she is a bad cook. She is possessive, which is usually portrayed as a masculine trait. Then Harry is quite calm and collected, interested in reading and such, which is normally seen as feminine.

That was the only gender role thing I found from the book. I don’t need a book to speak about feminism but when it claims to touch the subject, I damn well expect it to do so.

I also feel like having a female character have masculine traits and vice versa isn’t enough material to claim that your book talks about gender roles. It’s not a big deal. If I have one gay character in my book, it doesn’t make it an LGBT themed book since it’s barely talked about in the context of the story.

My point is that I don’t feel this book has enough substance in it to claim it’s talking about gender equality. To me, it seems to talk about the psychology of murder more.

(I feel like I need to mention that this book was published in late 2014. If I remember correctly that was around the time when the whole feminazi thing started becoming increasingly mainstream and talking about it would give you a shit ton of exposure. Maybe to mention gender roles as being a big part of the story was just a good marketing strategy. I don’t mean to offend the author, this is just a theory based on my experience of the book.)

5. We as a reader never got to really know the characters past. It might not be such a big deal to some people who are there for just the ride, but for me it really was disappointing. I feel like knowing their pasts would help to add some mystery because then the reader has to come up with how the past could affect their psyche today and thus add more to the psychological mystery of the story.

For a psychological story not to speak about the childhood of its characters is extremely weird and disappointing.

I feel like the book would’ve benefitted from letting the reader know.

6. This book introduced this big question of “did they do the cheating” and it was presented as the big thing only for it to be explained within like the first 60 pages. Umm. I feel cheated. pun intended.

I don’t think you should give the reader this huge mystery only to reveal it even before the middle. I totally took me off guard and I almost stopped reading because that was the thing I felt the book was presented as the most meaningful thing (ie, all the characters went on an on about the possibility and the wrongness of it).

The book is on thin ice. It needs to give me another big question that will make me want to read because right now I have the plot all figured out. Don’t pretend to be a mystery novel just to answer all the questions BEFORE YOU GET TO THE FUCKING MIDDLE PART.

~My reading diary

7. Mia is insanely paranoid and obsessive it has never before surfaced in their +20 year relationship? Bullshit. My reading diary really did summarize it the best.

Another thing I don’t really get is Mia’s obsessive and possessive behavior, more so how it hasn’t come up before. It’s made clear that they are older and have been together for a long time. How is this the first time she has gotten this suspicious? How have they not fallen out before? You need to keep in mind that so far, she has no actual evidence of him cheating? She only knows that Harry once spoke to a pretty girl on a smoke break. SO WHAT. Then he has come home and smelled like a woman's perfume, AFTER A PARTY. I don’t think that’s enough to accuse someone of cheating. You can only imagine how freaked out Mia would be when Harry is over at a woman friends house. If she gets obsessed with so little evidence, how have they stayed together for over 20 years??? I call that a plot hole. No rational man would let that slide.

8. I didn’t like how this book made Mia the stereotypical older woman who is insecure about her fading beauty. WE NEED CONFIDENT OLDER WOMEN IN FICTION. PLEASE.

9. The fucking mirror smashing scene. I will let my diary speak for itself.

Mia undresses in front of a mirror. Her mind warps and she sees her body transforming into that of Melissa’s. She calls Mel a bitch and a whore. Classy. She seems to feel insecure about aging. Why can’t there be a story about older people feeling confident?? She’s not even old. She said that she’s 37. NOT OLD. She also described Melissa as having a “cruel smirk”. Please don’t make Melissa a cold-hearted bitch. PLEASE.

Oh, and Mia also punched the mirror. As you do. In fiction. WHY DOES EVERY ANGSTY BOOK HAVE MIRROR SMASHING IN IT?????? why. She didn’t even clean it up. She just went in and took a bath. And now she has a fever. Nice.

Harry is confused about how it happened. He thinks that Mia slipped but it’s obvious she hit the mirror. If her knuckles are bleeding and a mirror has been smashed, it would be obvious that she hit it. Am I slow or something?

omg. Mia is possessed by a demon. Harry was sulking about how “he is supposed to love Mia, why is everything like this all of a sudden” when he hears screaming from Mia’s room. She sits up, apparently still sleeping and says: “leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord”. OMG. She is insane. Citing the bible whenever she can is really creepy. How is Harry not scared for his life??? I WOULD BE HORRIFIED. Then Mia just falls asleep again.

10. A private detective was hired to catch a cheater. I have no words. It’s ridiculous.

11. Mia constantly slut shames this Melissa. I do not appreciate it. I can forgive it because Mia obviously is insane but it’s still annoying.

12. Mia sees cheating as an act of revenge. I can see where it’s coming from but I don’t believe a 40-year-old woman would think that. It’s something I can see angsty highschoolers doing...

13. Harry brought Melissa into a student cafe to break up with her. Where is the logic behind that? Then he has the audacity to freak out when people find out about his inappropriate relationship with a student...

14. The 180 Harry made. He started off as this rational dude. Then it just fell apart. We found out that he had been cheating on Mia for over a year. The Harry at the start of the story wouldn’t do that, then he gets pissed when Mia cheated once, SHE CHEATED ONCE AND HE IS HAVING A HISSY FIT. Bullshit.

His character didn’t regain any of his original traits. I think it’s bad writing. You want the characters to keep at least some of their original personality.

Check out this video which explains it further:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9SK0Jhk7Pw

15. The six week time skip near the end makes no sense, serves no purpose and completely deflates the last bit of tension.

There is no way they could’ve been at peace for that long with nothing notable happening. Bullshit.

17. The tension deflated like a fucking limp cock around the middle and it never got up. I feel like the author tried too hard to lure me in within the first 60 pages, and from there on the tension and my interest in the story plummeted.

18. Conclusion. Harry was the killer.

I hate it. There are so many things wrong with this...

The killer at the start cited a specific bible quote. Harry was in no way religious and NEVER cited the quote whereas it was almost like Mia’s motto. INCONSISTENT.

The killer at the start was highly religious (we could tell by their thought process bc it’s a 1st person). The only scene I remember Harry being religious is a throwaway sentence of him skimming the bible.

Harry was sane and his thought process wasn’t plagued by murderous thoughts, whereas Mia was going on and on about how she would murder for her loved ones and on some occasions, she even fantasized about murdering Melissa.

Mia had a bigger motivation to murder. She was cheated on for over a year, she has a grudge on Melissa (because she is more beautiful, younger and because Harry wants her more than he wants Mia), she is incredibly insecure, constantly feels like people are out to break her seemingly perfect marriage. Speaking of which, she holds her long-lasting marriage as a badge of honor and would do anything (kill) to keep it going. She is a control freak (as shown with her interactions with Harry) and she is extremely deranged near the time of the murder.

Why would Harry kill Melissa? He wanted to make things okay with Mia, he is mad because Mia cheated on him once, that’s it...

Harry was extremely anti killing before the murder whereas Mia was all for it. It would take a lot to persuade him to do it and we know that his motivations are minimal.

Harry being the killer (and it being written like this) breaks Mia’s character. Because he was the killer, Mia is simply a paranoid bitch who has wet dreams of murder.

I’ve already mentioned that we got like no hints and clues that Harry would do it, whereas everything was set up against Mia. The conclusion was obvious.

Things I liked

the start was good. I really liked the small snippets to the murder. It did keep me invested. This book started off strong. I was immediately invested in the story. I wanted to see who will kill who and if Harry actually cheated. Then the story went downhill.

The psychological journey of MIA, fuck Harry. He was a mess

Mia descending into madness

Mia being crazy for murder

Mia growing a backbone as the story went on

I want Mia to top me

What can writers learn from this?

when writing a mystery, don't make the characters do things that don't match their personality just because you need to confuse the reader. it’s bad storytelling and will break the reader's immersion.

Make sure that the characters arcs are finished and they have a proper conclusion.

you need to make sure that all of the clues you drop tie together. if they don't, the reader will feel like they were cheated on.

My rating

2/5 on Goodreads.

Recomendation

I would only really recomend this if you wanted to study storytelling and what works and what doesn’t. I don’t think it’s a lifechanging book that you have to read.

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valamerys · 7 years

Note

I really enjoy your blog so is it okay if I ask you top 10 pet peeves in novels? It can be tropes or even a niche moment in a particular book. I like writing myself and would appreciate the help.

hmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sure, I can come up with some things! bear in mind I read almost exclusively fantasy, and mostly “low” ie not game of thrones fantasy at that, including a loooot of YA, so my items will reflect that.

Top (YA, Fantasy) Fiction Pet Peeves:

1) Unnecessary post-apocalyptic setting WHY THE FUCK. DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS. WHAT DOES THIS GAIN ANYONE. WHAT IS THE POINT. Red Queen, The Selection, The Queen of the Tearling, and that weird TV show The Shanarananaharahahananaaa Chronicles all do this. It’s, frankly, a cheap-ass bid for Dark and Gritty points, and also an excuse to set things in America But Fantasy, and it’s always bad and awkward. This isn’t planet of the apes, just make your damn fantasy world; you don’t have to try to make it more ~realistic~ by putting the ruins of the statue of liberty in the background. That’s stupid and you’re stupid.

2) One-note characters Mostly present via The Bitch or The Bully stereotype, but also seen in The Bratty Brother, The Sweet Sister, The Spacey DGAF Parent, and the Eccentric Wise Elder. I get that there’s not time to flesh out every single person your protagonist comes into contact with, but certain archetypes are so fucking boring and done to death that I tune out immediately. It’s not 2004 anymore. The game has evolved. We can do better. We can be more interesting.

Related to the sweet sister trope, I’d like to bring up this text post from my other blog:

3) When the protagonists’ actions/ choices do not affect the plot Alright, this one isn’t even a pet peeve, it’s basic narrative construction. Your story is supposed to be about your protagonist (or your two or three protagonists, in a multi-pov story, but for simplicity’s sake we’ll talk about one) and their arc, how they change and grow. a) If their actions never have consequences, how the fuck do they, like, learn things? and b) if their actions have no bearing on the climax of the story, how the fuck does the story demonstrate that they’ve changed, or come to a meaningful conclusion that’s related to that? Sure there’s weird literary exceptions, and certainly some fantasy in particular is more plot than character driven, but if your character is honestly never proactive, particularly through the ending of the book, uh, i have a major problem and so should you.

4) The Mandatory Feminism Stuff we should all know these by now. “Not Like Other Girls” is bad. Hating on corsets and other femme paraphernalia is bad (and moreover i personally resent it because I love corsets). A book with a female protagonist and no other important female characters (or only evil female characters) is bad. A high fantasy series that builds its worldbuilding on a raging patriarchy for the purpose of elevating a few specific women into positions of power for superficial RAH RAH FEMINISM points while not addressing systematic oppression is really, really bad. Defining female empowerment as only one thing (IE picking up a sword and Proving Yourself just as badass as all those scoffing men!!!) is bad. I’m very tired and I want to read about women-- different kinds of women, with different moral alignments and interests and abilities and ethnic backgrounds and ages and sexualities and beliefs-- helping each other and being forces in the world and in each others’ lives. That’s it. That’s all I want. I have no clue why that’s so elusive.

5) Characters being flippant to the point of stupidity because........ that’s cool, i guess? Homygod, I am so sick to my teeth of characters who would get their asses kicked IRL for being obnoxious and overly glib be appraised with “wow, you’ve really got some nerve! I like you, kid!” or some variation therof. Mouthing off to superiors/ royalty? Charging into a fight on a stray heroic impulse despite everyone with a brain and their mom telling you you’re going to die because you just picked up swordfighting on tuesday? flagrantly and thoughtlessly disregarding engrained cultural things because they don’t align with your conveniently 2017 sense of social justice despite you living in an analogue-medieval world? Not cute. It will get you fucking killed. If your character doesn’t seem to grasp that, I’m going to think they’re a dumbshit, and if the book rewards rather than punishes that, I’m not going to take it very seriously. (obviously there are exceptions to this, particularly if your world doesn’t take itself very seriously, but if you expect to instill a real sense of danger in day-to-day life, your protagonist doesn’t get to be exempt from that because they’re hot and witty.)

6) Also, characters being stubborn. This goes with my last point, because it’s another trait people seem to think is like cool, or something? That stubborn people are stubborn because they’re Strong? that it’s a flaw but it’s actually a Cool Flaw, like in job interviews when they ask your weakness and you say “i’m just TOO hard of a worker, ha ha ha”? U see this a lot in female characters written by people who are uncomfortable writing female characters, i think because, again, it mistakenly reads as Strength on some really superficial level, and because the banter and petty conflict that arises from it temporarily distracts from weak overall characterization. If you’re going to write a character being stubborn, that’s great! But understand that a) it’s a real flaw that can genuinely blind them to good ideas and cause unnecessary friction that shouldn’t be treated as endearing, b) it’s not a replacement for other elements of characterization!! and c) it’s the flipside of being assertive, which is a good thing: no trait is only a flaw or a strength, and so any trait a character possess in abundance should both help and hinder them at different times, with maturity level tempering the bad, to a degree. stubbornness is no different.

7) Sexual assault (or the threat of it) all over the fucking place. Do i have to explain this one? Of course ownvoices books about sexual assault survivors are good and necessary but we are all sick to death of "fun” fantasy worlds where the female characters exist under the constant and unending threat of rape, where sexual assault is common as window dressing and the love interests are Super Special Feminist Snowflakes for being so revolutionary as to take consent into account. fuck that. that should be the bare fucking minimum. i am so tired.

8) The Six-Pack Sex Appeal Golem Honestly, I am not here to hate on love triangles, because I am ALL ABOUT the romance and the more the merrier. But what i do really, really loathe is the incredibly narrow parameters that have come to exist for male love interests, to the point where they all tend to feel like the same guy in need of anger management: a little broody, smart, serious, jealous and protective to a fault, if we get his POV we get real creepy sexual thoughts out of nowhere while he acts vaguely standoffish and probably a little patronizing to a woman whose Attitude gives him a boner. This man does not experience emotions that can’t be interpreted as darkly sexual, or possibly A Little Bit Vulnerable, just for that one scene of mandatory backstory reveal. I recently reviewed a real bad romance novel and described the hero as “a barely-consistent golem of toxic masculine ideals” and that’s what I’m talking about here. MAKE YOUR LOVE INTERESTS WELL-ROUNDED AND UNIQUE CHARACTERS LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER CHARACTERS. Forget what’s “sexy,” I wanna see the male love interests be Soft and Weird and cry in an unattractive way. For further reading/ a great case study of the Masculine Golem, please just read this article about how abysmal the romance in ROAR is. (For what it’s worth, I actually think SJM manages to avoid this in the ACOTAR series. Rhys and Tamlin suck but they are still mostly consistent characters, not just shells inhabited by the spirit of heterosexuality. your mileage may vary, though.)

9) Secret Superpower/ She Was The Missing Princess/ Queen All Along I think this is a trend that’s slowly but surely passing from YA, but for a while you couldn’t throw a rock in a bookstore without hitting a trilogy where a long-lost missing princess was established in chapter 1 and you spent the whole fucking first book knowing the orphaned heroine with a murky past was gonna turn out to be the princess and you were always right. Queens are also a huge fucking thing right now, although they don’t tend to follow that exact formula. See also the character’s discovery of a superpower catapulting them into a new exciting life-- basically any discovery of a Cool Sexy birthright as a catalyst for a plot is kind of played out and boring, at this point in time? This ties into my earlier point about wanting characters’ choices to shape the plot; it’s so much easier to have them reacting to external forces, especially dramatic, aesthetic ones, i get that, but you’ll get a more original and interesting story the more you resist that urge. And everyone is fucking tired of secret princesses and can spot them a mile away, y’all.

10) OMG magic is outlawed!!! BUT WAIT THE PROTAGONIST HAS SECRET MAGIC! CAN SHE RISE ABOVE PERSECUTION AND HER PROBABLE ROMANCE WITH THE PRINCE OF THIS POORLY-THOUGHT-OUT TOTALITARIAN REGIME TO LEAD ALL MAGIC-HAVERS TO FREEDOM AND ACCEPTANCE???? If you do this i’m going to come to your house and pour a cup of soda on your head. This is dumb and I can’t believe I’ve seen it multiple times. I’m not even explaining this it should be obvious.

Honorable mentions go to: Excessive mentions/ descriptions of eye color, really tired ways of describing kissing, elemental magic is super fucking overdone, instalove, and Training Montages

115 notes · View notes

snickerl · 7 years

Text

Blutendes Herz (Bleeding Heart)

XF fan fiction

Your eyes are glued to a couple walking a few yards ahead of you. It wasn’t your intention to follow them but you were pulled into their sphere against your will. The man’s arm rests on the woman’s shoulder and she has put hers around his waist. They are walking slowly, strolling at a leisurely pace through the streets, chatting with each other. The woman throws her head back every now and then, obviously laughing at something the man has told her. They are a nice couple, appearing to be in love. To an innocent bystander, they definitely look like a married couple, but you are no innocent bystander, and you know they aren’t married because the woman with the red hair dancing on her shoulders with every laugh that erupts from her throat is your wife.

She isn’t cheating on you, no. You never really were married, although to you it has only always felt as if you were. Even before you became involved, you saw your perfect other in her and couldn’t think of ever being without her again in your life. And when you finally mustered the guts to show her how much you loved her, you knew you were the luckiest son of a bitch when she smiled at you and told you she loved you too. But you screwed it up.

You aren’t living together anymore. One could say you’re separated, although you still don’t accept the feeling of being single. You haven’t been able to feel anything at all for quite a while, that’s what made her leave. Your indifference and unfeelingness were too much for her to take at a certain point. She tried so long to convince you to let yourself be treated for your illness but your avolition made you embrace the darkness evermore fiercely until she didn’t know what else to do. Eventually, she’d given up on you, on your relationship. On a cold, gray Sunday morning she packed her bags and left.

That was almost a year ago.

One wouldn’t say that you are alright now, but you’re definitely better. You started seeing a therapist who prescribed medication to take off one first thick layer of what had been suffocating your soul. You started working out again. Your lungs were burning during your first 5-mile run but the pain told you you were alive, so you continued. You started eating healthier, cutting order-in pizza out of your diet, throwing away the booze. You started going to bed before midnight, actually sleeping in your bed and not on the couch in the living room. The bed you made love to her in when things were still alright between you. The very same bed you left her alone in when everything was going wrong. Now, you’re doing all the things she wanted you to do, begged you to do for your own sake. You can’t explain why you didn’t listen to her while she was still around, why she had to leave for you to awake from your state of inertia. She was right with everything she proposed because you feel so much better now.

You actually feel so good that you’ve begun contemplating about rekindling your relationship with her. And the more you thought about it, the more you believed you would get her back if only you tried. When she left, she said, ‘I need a break,’ not ‘I don’t want to ever see you again.’ If she saw how hard you work for your recovery, how you’ve been following every single one of her doctor’s orders, she’d realize that despite everything, the both of you are meant for 'happily ever after’, you thought.

And then this.

Your Scully arm in arm with another man.

You’re such an idiot, Mulder! What have you been thinking?

That no other man on this planet would feel attracted to her? That her loveliness would go unnoticed by the remaining part of the male population? That she would never lay her eyes on someone else because she didn’t want to be with anyone but you? That she would renounce love forevermore?

“This is the restaurant you wanted to take me to?” you hear her familiar voice, and its melodic sound resounds in your ears.

You miss that voice. You miss it mumbling 'good morning’ into your ear on a Sunday morning or shouting 'put milk on the grocery list’ at you before she leaves the house for her shift at the hospital, but most of all you miss it crying out your name when you make love to her.

If you’re being honest, you have to admit that you didn’t make love to her at the end anymore. You fucked her, giving her what you thought she wanted, without feeling even a fraction of the overwhelming lust you used to feel for her. You noticed her stifled sobs when you got up and left the bed to spend the rest of the night on the couch, but you ignored them. In retrospect you ask yourself how you were possibly able to treat the woman who was everything to you so badly, how you could have been so mean to her, so cruel.

“That’s the one,” the man answers her cheerfully.

“That’s insane, Mark,” she replies, “that posh place is way too expensive.”

You know the man’s name now: Mark.

“It’s our three-month anniversary, my love. Let me spoil you.”

'My love’.

You swallow.

You never called her that. She was Scully to you, Dana in very rare cases. Others were irked by you calling each other by your last names, but for the two of you, it had always been a term of endearment. Nobody has ever called you Mulder like Scully did. Her pronunciation of your name, the way the two syllables rolled off her tongue made your acoustic nerves tingle in a way no 'honeybun’, 'darling’ or 'sweetheart’ would have ever done.

“You’re crazy, Mark,” you hear her say.

“Yes, crazy for you, my beautiful Dana.”

You can’t keep your eyes off him sighing those romantic words into her ear. The man, Mark, cranes his neck to place a kiss on her cheek but she pulls back, her demeanor suddenly less at ease. You squint your eyes and strain your ears from your hiding place behind a car.

“Sorry,” Mark pulls his hand away and throws it up in the air. “No syrupy flatteries, I know. What has gotten into me to call my girlfriend 'beautiful’?”

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m looking forward to dinner. I haven’t been to such a fancy place for a long time.”

Your stomach churns when he calls her his girlfriend and even more when you witness how she cups the man’s cheeks with both hands and places a gentle kiss on his mouth. You observe how it develops into a passionate kiss. French, for sure. You have to put your hand over your mouth to keep yourself from groaning loudly. You haven’t forgotten how soft her lips are, how good her kisses taste, and you envy the man who is enjoying these sensations right now in front of your eyes.

You resist the impact to jump up from behind the car and shout at him to get the hell his hands off of her. You realize you’re in no position to claim her as yours. Not anymore. You had your chance, but you messed it up. Your relationship was special, her trust in you infinite, as yours in her. You had a child together. A beautiful son. You will always be connected through him, as his birth parents, although he’s someone else’s son now.

The man pulls back after the kiss and catches some air. “Wow,” he exclaims, “if this is what I get for taking you out to dinner, I’ll do it on a daily basis from now on. I’ll take you out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And probably also to a coffee break in the afternoon.”

You hear her give a laugh. A full, cheerful laugh. One she usually doesn’t give that often. At least not when she was with you.

“Well, breakfast in bed might do the same trick,” she says, and the innuendo in her voice makes you nauseous.

They are sleeping together. Of course. They are healthy adults, dating for three months, as you have learned a few moments ago. Only because you didn’t get your act together for seven years doesn’t mean every other man contents himself with yearning for her and with just fantasizing about making love to her. This guy seems to have been able to turn his fantasies into realities much faster than you did.

You catch yourself contemplating about their level of intimacy. Does he already know about how sensitive the hollows of her knees are? That she likes to be caressed behind her ear but not where her tattoo is? That she prefers to be the big spoon despite being the smaller person by far? 'Are you able to make her come several times a night like I did, Mark?’ you want to ask him.

You will never now, he isn’t answering your question. Instead, he tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek. “I’m a lucky man. I’m so glad you came to my agency when you needed that apartment. Who knows if we would have met otherwise.”

You feel bile rise up your throat. You literally pushed her into this man’s arms, you realize. He’s the fucking real estate agent she turned to when she was looking for a place of her own after she had left a house to you she actually owned. She alone had signed the papers back then because you feared it would expose you too much if you did too. If it wasn’t so damn sad, you would laugh at the irony of it all.

“It was kismet, my love. As if some extraterrestrial force led you to me.”

You hear her suck in her breath at the word 'extraterrestrial’, and so do you.

“What? You don’t believe in the existence of the extraterrestrial?”

You almost laugh at his question. If he only knew what kind of a hornet’s nest he’s stirring up with it.

“Well, I was taught to believe once,” she answers and the little smile you see on her face lets your heart beat faster.

“Taught? By who?”

There are hornets all over the place now. The anticipation of her answer is almost killing you.

“Uh, Mark, I never told you this. My prior relationship…it was…very special. We were together for more than 20 years, and the reason I was looking for an apartment when we met was that I had left him because I couldn’t deal with his severe depression anymore. He’s the one who taught me to believe. In many things. He taught me a lot.”

“You speak much more highly of your ex than I speak of mine. Caroline and I separated after years of marital problems. I left her when I found out she had been cheating on me for months.”

“We weren’t married and I didn’t really leave him, I…uhm, I only moved out of the house. I…I wouldn’t call him an ex.”

“Oh?”

The man straightens his back. You almost pity him. How is he to understand? Although you also marvel yourself at the meaning of her words, what they mean for you in particular.

“It’s not what you think. Mark. I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost a year. Since the day I left, actually. I call him once in a while, to make sure he takes care of himself, but he never answers the phone.”

“You worry about him.”

“He’s sick. Depression is a serious illness, and he has a tendency to embrace the darkness. I’m a medical doctor, have been his for years and years. I couldn’t just leave him on his own. I would never forgive myself if my leaving were the reason for him to sink even deeper into his depression.”

“You still have feelings for him?”

The question rings in your ears and you’re dying for her answer.

“Why, yes, of course, I still have feelings for him. You don’t erase a person from your life after 20 years just like that. We have always been best friends, through various stages of our relationship, and we will continue being friends. At least, I consider myself to be his friend, I don’t know what he sees in me since I was the one who went away.”

'You’re my constant, Scully,’ you want to shout, 'my touchstone.’

“Do you want to go back to be with him? Some day? Am I just a stopgap until the two of you’ve straightened things out?”

“No, Mark, not at all! I’m not that kind of person, taking advantage of someone else, and definitely not of someone’s feelings for me.”

“Yes, I have feelings for you, Dana. As a matter-of-fact, I’m falling in love with you. I noticed that you aren’t into this as much as I am - I’m not some insensitive bull terrier - and it left me wondering. Now I know where your caution comes from.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You obviously had a wonderful, long-lasting relationship with this man, it’s only natural. It says a lot about how compassionate and caring you are. Do you think we can have something like it? One day?”

“I don’t know. You’re a wonderful man, and I am attracted to you, but we’ve been dating for three months only. It’s hard for me to predict how far this will go. The last time I loved, it was so intense and all-consuming, it almost seems that everything coming after that can’t but fall short. ”

“Thank you for your honesty. I guess there are no guarantees when it comes to love. It’s not exactly easy for me to listen to you raving of your relationship with another man, I have to tell you, but I have one more question for you: Are you happy, Dana? With me?”

You hold your breath, although you know the answer. The way she converses with this guy, the way she looks at him, the kiss she gave him, her laugh…all of this tells you how she feels about him. You had enough time to study her and you’ve become an expert in the mystery that is Dana Scully. Too bad that your skills abandoned you in the end because if they hadn’t, you might have been able to ward off the tailspin your relationship eventually ended up in. You would be sitting on the couch with her head on your lap right now, watching a movie, instead of holing up behind a car observing her as if you were a sick stalker. Maybe you are. This private, intimate conversation isn’t actually yours to listen to, you know, but you have to find out what the odds are for you. You simply have to. So you hold your breath in order not to miss a single word she’s saying.

“Yes. I am. I’m very happy. I feel so alive when I’m with you, Mark. Like I haven’t in a long time.”

“So then let’s celebrate our three-month anniversary with wonderful food and champagne. If I ever lose you to him again, I don’t want to blame myself for not having enjoyed it as long as it lasted.”

You look at them, especially at her, how the corners of her mouth rise slowly into a warm smile, one you remember being at the receiving end of in different situations: when you woke up from unconsiousness in a hospital bed, for example, or when you told her one of your wild theories. When you served her hot chamomile tea when she had the flu.

They spare you another kiss but link arms and finally enter the restaurant. You thank the weather gods for this mild late summer night because if it had been cold or rainy they would have never had this conversation outside and you wouldn’t have caught any of it. Through the huge windows, you observe how the maître d’ welcomes them and shows them their table.

You stay to study them a bit more. You almost feel like being on a stakeout, observing two target persons. He reaches out for her hands and she willingly puts them in his. You’re amazed by the level of public display of affection you witness. She wasn’t like this with you, probably because for so many years you both felt the need to hide your relationship just for the sake of denying your opponents a weak point to use against you. The waiter serves expensive champagne in crystal flutes. They clink and take a sip. She puts the glass back on the table, and as soon as her fingers let go of the stem, he takes her hand to kiss its back. She tilts her head and shows him this warm smile again. You notice how comfortable she is, how much at ease. She enjoys this date, enjoys the presence and touch of this man. You’re paralyzed by what you see. Like an onlooker at a terrible car accident, you’re shocked and your stomach turns but at the same time, you’re unable to tear your eyes away.

She’s happy, she said. Happy with him. Your chest constricts as you realize what this means for you.

You have to stay away from her, it’s as simple as that. Your chuckle is bitter. Simple?

No, definitely not simple. It’s going to be damn hard, but you want her to be happy, even if it means she’s happy with another man. Your initial plan was to tell her today that you want her back, that you would fight for her, but now is not the right time. She’s in another relationship, a carefree relationship with what seems to be a decent, kind man. She deserves this, deserves him.

Your heart is bleeding, but it’s not bleeding to death because there is a 'but’, a silver lining far away at the horizon.

She also said that she still has feelings for you, that she’s still your friend. She hasn’t committed herself fully to this relationship, she told him her love for you was too intense to cut you out of her life completely. And even he considers it possible she return to you. You have to give him credit for the way he handled what she’d told him. You remember being more territorial and possessive of her at a time you hadn’t even been a couple.

So you will continue seeing your therapist to fight this fucking depression furthermore. You will go on taking care of yourself. You will fix the drain pipe, paint the wooden window frames and change the broken faucet in the kitchen to keep the house, her house, in good repair. You will keep a stock of her favorite tea in the pantry and a spare toothbrush in the little cabinet under the bathroom sink, just in case she pays you a visit and decides to stay for the night. And you will answer the phone next time she calls.

Good plan, bro, but what if it doesn’t work out? What if she’s not coming back to you? Then what?

You have to take this dreadful scenario into consideration, as painful as it sounds. There are no guarantees when it comes to love, Mark said, and you know he was right. If he’s able to live with that kind of uncertainty about her, so should you. Only that you are so much more dependent on her than he probably is. He’s in love with her and will most certainly be devastated should she ever walk out on him, but you…you have no idea how to continue if she’s lost to you for good.

Well, one thing’s certain. If you do lose her ever, then your heart will bleed to death. For sure.

#xf fanfic #pre revival #poor mulder #somewhat happy scully #mark

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chickenfetus · 6 years

Note

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ????

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general?????????

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples:

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them???????

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual.

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me.

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual.

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good?????

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

#softshouyous #asks #if anybody actually read all through all of this.... thank u.#FALEN THAKNK U FOR ASKING I LOVE U

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lgbtloudhouse · 7 years

Text

The fall of Lgbtloudhouse. A Story based on real events. An au of reality.

Depression. It wasn’t as bad as it seemed, for a certain young girl… at least not in their eyes… Celeste B was a normal fangirl. She would laugh and cry over things people called “for kids”.. Well, it was for kids! And she still was a kid, so she enjoyed the things she liked to do. Drawing, editing, watching The Loud House and obsessing over the characters. She loved the show and it was one of her favorite things to watch. She would make connections with them and pick out things about them that she would relate to. “Ok, come on, Luan is gay as hell and y'all know it.” She said to no one in particular, but just thinking out loud. She would just browse tumblr looking at some of her favorite blogs and the ones she makes friends with. They were one of the reasons she lift her head up and smiled. Until one day. Let’s just say to summarize it, she was mentally unstable and ill. She took meds for it, but she still had her moments. Her weaknesses. Her downfalls. It turned dark.

Celeste was scrolling through one day and came across something disturbing. People were calling her out. She looked closer, confused and worried. “Its just a drawing, get over it!” “Wow, I can’t believe some little kid is getting triggered over a simple drawing. Jump only drew an oc!” “Lmao damn sjw’s crying again kys”

“W-what.??” Celeste felt something hit her heart. Was this really happening? /oh.. well, it’s nothing. I’m pretty sure it’s just some trolls…/ But she’ll come soon to know that it was more than just trolls she was dealing with.

-some while later- Celeste was doing well. Drawing random lil things here and there. Going on tumblr was hard, but she still loved it. …..

“Oh.. oh my GOD!!!” Celeste put her hand over her mouth in fear. What is this… this… thing she’s looking at? “Did.. they… they… drew PORN of me???” She was shaking, trying not to cry. She needed to talk to someone about this.

Her friends. The safe squad.

She opened up her messages.

Lgbtloudhouse: Queenie! I.. I found something, it’s very very disturbing.. QB: what is it? *lgbtloudhouse sent a link* QB: oh my lord.. These trashies don’t know when yo stop. I can’t believe they’d stoop to such a low level. I’ll handle it. For now, block aval0nx and report it. Lgbtloudhouse: ok..

Celeste was sitting in her room, just trying to ignore everything. Why would someone so such a thing to a mentally ill teenager who only wanted some peace? She sighed, and went to bed.

-some days later-

Celeste had a huge headache. Dealing with internet creeps was not going well for her. She tried to ignore it, but each time she would make it feel bad about herself. She still couldn’t believe what happened. She just wanted a break, but she couldn’t.. She didn’t know why, or what was holding her back, but she knew it wasn’t good.

/time to see what’s going on again../ she thought.

“You are worse than cancer. You are incurable, never go away, and torments people for the rest of there life’s to the point where you want to kill yourself. I don’t think I need to explain why for both points.”

“Let’s see lgbtloudhouse use those insults later when she isn’t some snobby kid whos parents probably buy her everything she wants, she thinks the whole world has to bow to her just because she thinks we should. Lgbtloudhouse is just a spoiled brat. You can practically smell the friendlessness and bitch from that kid.”

“Lgbtloudhouse is a cunt.”

“She must be a real dumbass cunt if she thought she won. I will use the word strongly. Dumbass cunt.”

“Queenie is just using lgbtloudhouse. Like a tool. She doesnt care about her feelings”

“We may like fictional incest but for the love of God act better than lgbtloudhouse and safehouse!”

“New comic. Page 1/10. Chapter one: a "Celestial” being.“

/NO…/

/OH MY.. GOD…/

Celeste could not believe what she was seeing. Her mind felt like it was crumbling apart trying to stay stable.

/leave. I’m gonna leave./ she thought.

Upon finding more chaos.. she decided to take a break.

Until one day.

A fellow friend of hers decided to message her to inform her on what has happened. Something that she’d never seen before. Let’s call this guy, "Lines”. No shade or anything negative to Lines. But Celeste discovered something horrific that shook her to the core. He sent her some photos in warning to her.

“There’s something I found online.. and i think you need to see this..”

“Sure, what is it?”

*Lines sent a photo*

“Do the world a favor, and do the n— jig off the nearest tree.” One photo showed a Celeste glancing at a rope along with a Clyde dangling on a tree, dead, in the background. Sucide baiting. Something inside of Celeste broke. She couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Also…”

*Lines sent a photo*

This is when the worst happened.

Celeste. Her being violated, drawn pornography of her and Lincoln was showed on her phone. Uncensored. With Lynn and Lars, loud house canon genderbents, watching and getting off in the front.

Celeste dropped her phone. Her family was out. She began to shake. Cry. Scream. Tear at her skin. Sobbing and crying hysterically, couldn’t take it anymore. She ran to the kitchen. Threw open the drawer. Grabbed the biggest knife she could find.

She tearfully ran back into her room. She turned off the lights and closed her curtains.

But grabbed a pencil and some paper and began writing.

Dear family,

Let me just explain why you are in this unfortunate situation. As you know, I love the loud house and I began to go on a site called tumblr. I found many sweet and lovely friends on there. Let me just give out their names because I really want my beautiful friends to thrive through this horrible time. They are: queenbean03, fangirl20, brighteronthesunnyside, adh2d, vanillafrappelatte, transfairycosmo, loud-siblings-against-loudcest, thebigcrunchone9, asknightvaleandgravityfalls, underratedhero, phandomtrashnumerouno, spectrumbunny, skwhy, sourbetes, thecyancat, summeroverdrive, hadenohade, kirby-universe, doctorgalaxy101, wonderingaboutwander, lifeismarvelous, tamamajasper, animatedtrash4, Adrianacartoonfangirl, and many other beautiful souls and friends. I’m so sorry this happned. I was going through tumblr and I started to get bullied. First it was insults, then name calling, then death and suicide threats, then drawn porn of me. Tell Caleb (my brother, 6), Ariel (sis, 5), grandma, and the family and my friends that I love them. I love you guys so much, but I can’t take this anymore. Love, Celeste.

She raised the knife over herself. And.. *thump*.

“Celeste! We’re home!” Celeste’s mother Jennifer called out. They brought home cheese pizza, which they knew she loved. They also noticed that she hasn’t been coming out of her room lately and looked noticeably sad. They got some pizza to make her happy again.

“Hmmm. Why are all the lights off?”

Celeste’s dad, Rich, shrugged.

“Maybe she wanted some dark.”

“Yeah, but all of them?”

“Yeah that’s weird. Caleb, go wake up your sister.”

“Okay!!!” Caleb was Celeste’s little brother. He can be a handful, but he’s still her brother. He, like his sister, has autism, adhh, ocd, and is in general very hyper but still loving.

He ran to her door and opened it.

She was laying on the floor.

Caleb ran out to tell their mom.

“Mom, Celeste is sleeping on the floor!”

Jennifer laughed. “You’re so silly Caleb. I’ll go get her.”

She walked over to her door. And screamed.

Laying on the floor, was her daughter Celeste. Dead.

“What the???!?!

She looked closer.. and gasped.

A knife was in her head.

She then saw, this was self-inflicted. Suicide.

-month later-

It was a dark and depressing day in South Carolina. Raindrops covered the graveyard like grass covering land. Despite it being summer everyone felt a chill inside their hearts.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of daughter Celeste B. She was a wonderful spirit and lovely girl. But then the harsh pain of evil came over her in despair. May we all come together and this heavenly soul rest in peace. And may the world have peace in future cyberbullying to stop. And for acts of hate against this lady and other victims of cyberbullying to decrease quickly. Amen.”

It was a shame. Love will be found in all the right places. May we come together and figure out that what you say can have a impact on someone’s life. I am glad I never killed myself. I am strong but weak. Beautiful yet fragile. Loving yet fearless. Now what would you react if this actually happned and I did commit sucide? Love yourself and choose your ways carefully. Love eachother and find peace. I am strong for staying. Don’t give up for light or life. You are loved, my love.

#celeste says

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attractionjapan · 6 years

Text

How to Build Confidence and Learn Game Like a Boss

Are you having trouble getting started? Not sure what the expectations are or the best way to go forward? How does one even become confident around women? Sit back and grab some tea and a cookie because Dr. Sinapse has a dose of the bitter medicine for you. Here are my steps to build confidence and learn the game like a boss:

1. Destroy and Overcome the Negative/Inactive Spiral

Guys typically don’t take action for a few main reasons:

They don’t think it works (period… like for anyone. These types of guys usually think everything comes down to money, looks, and destiny and there’s zero “skill” involved)

They don’t think it will work for them (usually due to one or a few specific fixed characteristics about themselves – for example, their height, lack of Japanese ability, race, wealth, looks, etc)

If you believe in #1, go watch some (legitimate) infield of someone pulling.

But I’m guessing that my audience here (at least the inactive ones) primarily think about #2. Step 1 is NAME your fears. Call out specifically, with descriptive words and detail, what exactly you think is holding you back. Your bald spot? Your small frame? Your race?

Come up with a specific sentence and verbalize it, or write it down. For example:

“I’m afraid that I can’t get the top tier women because those women are only into guys who are tall.”

Once you’ve named your fears you can go about smashing these silly little beliefs.

I guarantee you I know someone who is “worse” or more disadvantageous than you in whatever category you can name who is currently CRUSHING the game.

In other words, your excuse is preventing you from starting. It is a FICTION that you tell yourself, not a reality.

NOW since there’s a lot of misinformation and marketing around game, I’d like to add a simple caveat. Your genetics DO matter. Anybody who says they don’t is full of shit. You may never be LeBron but you CAN stunt and ball out all over everybody on any blacktop across the country and you can ALWAYS do way better than you currently are. And if you work your ass of you might just become Allen Iverson – that exception to the rule who overcomes certain genetics (short stature) and still kicks ass. But even if you don’t outwork the naturally gifted, you’ll still do way better than you are currently doing.

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”

In other words — try not to compare yourself to the RESULTS of other people. But DO compare your EFFORT and MINDSET to theirs.

NOW: to ACTUALLY go about destroying the negative mental thought patterns.

Are you in a negative spiral?

Feel shame, fear, lack of confidence, anxiety, etc?

Troubled by lack of competence and your own results?

Don’t believe in your ability to attract women?

NAME your fears

Once you realize them, you can minimize them.

Discover ways in which you tell yourself a self-defeating narrative (note: it’s NOT the truth, it’s a narrative you tell yourself) in your own mind. Keep in mind these narratives pop up when you are thinking about taking action (such as when you see a pretty girl in front of you who snaps you out of your daily reverie). Here are some of the most common examples, although this list is not nearly exhaustive:

Rehashing old failures and assuming you will have the same result if you try again (Why even leave the house, I’m just going to get ignored/rejected again)

Unrealistic expectations (instant success or getting 9s and 10s immediately)

Overly focusing on obstacles (she’s too far, there’s no time, she’s with a guy/girl/group/mom/dad, she is on the phone, etc)

Perfectionism (I should wait for X to approach, I should make my approach smooth, silky, and casual, I should plan the most glamorous date to “wow” her, etc)

Lack of experience (it’s “too late” for me, I missed the boat, I’m way behind)

Focus on fixed characteristics rather than on GROWTH (I’m too XYZ to succeed. Everybody who has success is ABC.)

Spotlight effect (What will those people think of me if I talk to her? I should respect the culture because I’m a guest here)

Fear of rejection itself (What if she doesn’t like me? What if I’m not good enough? No cute girls are ever into me)

Effort aversion (It seems like it would take a lot of hard work to get good. I don’t have the time [you always have time for what is important to you]. She’s so far away, I’ll get the next one.)

Remember that whenever your brain tells you these stories, it’s trying to protect you from the dangers of the world which no longer exist. Nobody will kill you for speaking to a woman on the street. There are no lions waiting to eat you around the corner from that Kyabajo.

You mind is NOT your friend. In fact, it will usually try to sabotage you at every turn. You BEST weapon against this?

AUTOMATIC action.

Get your feet moving before your mind has a chance to sneak in and wormtongue its way into your ear, talking you out of doing what you know you should. Once in the interaction, automatically go for the bounce. Once in isolation, automatically go for the kiss and escalation. Remember that at all times you MUST take the right action.

You actions in the past have created your current reality. Your actions NOW determine your future. If you restrict your current possibilities and paths of action available at the current moment based on your past actions, you are letting your history control your destiny and you are essentially a ROBOT. Does that terrify you?

2. Fix the way you see women

Not as “hot” “cute” or “9s” and “10s” or “uggs “

Instead, address their inner mental world and humanize them. WHY do they act how they act? How do they see themselves? (Hint: it’s probably not as a “hot chick”)

It’s all too easy to get caught up in dissing girls with one breath and heaping unearned praise on them in the next.

“Why are girls so dumb. What a bitch.”

“She’s a goddess. What a stunner. High level.”

She’s most likely neither as angelic nor as demonic as you might imagine. Instead, she’s just human. She has the same organs as (but less testosterone than) you.

Realize the dangerous nature of dating a man. Everything she does is a balance between feeling danger and thrill from the man and feeling bored and too secure. Too far in either direction and she will either be afraid or sexually uninterested.

Realize that when she’s being bitchy, cold, rude, etc, it’s to minimize the physical harm that comes to her. Have some empathy about how hard it must be to be attracted to the thing which is the most dangerous thing in the world for her.

She knows she’s beautiful. Or, at least, she’s been told a lot already. Don’t compliment her on her appearance, especially not as an opener. Instead, talk to her as if you both already know what she looks like (because you do). Instead, try to “mine” for “gold” – something particularly unique or interesting that isn’t readily apparent to the naked eye. Or, barring that, at least something unique she has chosen, such as intricate nail art or an interesting plush keychain.

Finally, if you think the girl is stunningly beautiful, try to see her as simply human. Or if you really can’t hack it, just hide all the behaviors that chodes who idolize stunning women do. Here’s a few:

-Spamming invites

-Getting upset when the girls don’t make time to see you

-Taking selfies with them (yes, they know you just want to show off to your friends)

-Validating them on their appearance

-Validating them at all

-Trying to “buy” their time with gifts or promises

-Avoiding all risky or offensive topics

-Try to “linger” around and hope that means you will get her

In fact, it’s probably best to do the exact opposite of these things.

-Invite occasionally

-Ignore the ignore

-Let her take pictures if she wants

-Check to see if she lives up to her own and your standards

-Call her out on her shit (in a fun way)

-GIVE her your time (slightly begrudgingly)

-Dive right into the risky topics and moves

-Don’t linger, just pull

Finally, women shouldn’t be a stepping stone for your nefarious purposes. As much as possible, try to feel, enjoy, live, laugh, and love with them. If possible, try to leave girls better than you found them. Remember above all that you should be looking for AFFINITY rather than random hotness. Trust me when I say that sex with a stunning girl who has nothing on the inside gets old fast.

One last point about how you view women —

Guys who don’t get laid much like to talk smack about ugly girls. What if I told you, your desire to “bash” ugly girls is negatively correlated with your ability to hook hot girls? Why? Because they are two sides of the SAME coin. You are placing extreme emphasis on the physical appearance of the girl and using that as the main criteria by which you determine the value of a female human being. Physical beauty is qualifier, not a decision maker. In other words, if she meets a certain “beauty” threshold, you can investigate further (for affinity) before you make your decision. The key to getting the “next level” girls is to not see them as “next level” but simply as normal humans. Which, of course, you can’t do if you’re preoccupied with the physical characteristics of both uggos and stunners.

When girls (of all levels of beauty) notice that you’re out there pursuing your desires and assessing girls not only in terms of beauty but also in terms of affinity, the real 9s and 10s start to take notice and 6-8s become easy as pie.

3. Build Confidence through Competence

The goal moving forward is to build confidence through competence. Like Super Mario or other platformer games, you start off with a complete lack of confidence in your ability to complete the game. Naturally, with any new game you would be quite mad indeed to imagine you could win it completely on the first try without dying at least a few times.

Similarly, cultivate a long-term focus. Like Mario, you must learn the lay of the land, the mechanics of your character, how far you can jump, how to manipulate the controller, where the enemies and obstacles are positioned, and all manner of other variations.

You die a lot. The first time you play, you probably fall into the first pit and run straight into the first enemy. Nobody is born a genius.

Yet we keep playing the game. With each defeat, each stumble, you learn and gain competence.

If you throw yourself into cold approach, pretty soon you’ll realize that simply saying “hi” can open many girls. You build some competence around the open. Not long after that you might get some LINE numbers. Most of which, at this point, fall through, flake, or stop responding. This is normal.

In many sports, people talk about how the game “slows down.” This happens as your experience and competence builds and you start to recognize patterns. Humans, if nothing else, are supremely powerful computers for pattern recognition and learning. So at the beginning there are perhaps a million thoughts in your head:

“Don’t smile too much. Be seen before heard. Be conscious of your voice tone – breaking, deeper and louder than I’m used to. Don’t say something boring. Open with a simple statement or observation rather than a compliment. State your agenda and find out her logistics. Avoid “pattern” questions.”

Soon, through repetition (and nothing else), all these “lessons” and techniques start to sink in, and you’ll start to learn to recognize all the “patterns”:

“What do I do if she slips behind my back on approach? If she says ‘I don’t speak English’? If she asks me about my job? If she insults me on the open? If she says she has no LINE? If she doesn’t even hear me? If she compliments me on my Japanese?”

As your ability to recognize and correctly respond to patterns increases (again, through nothing but sheer experience in each situation — there are no shortcuts, except perhaps my book and coaching), you learn to roll with the flow more, improvise more, relax more, and let your personality shine through in a calibrated way. Your anxieties fade away and you are more present and responsive and you come across as more genuine and attractive. None of this can be accomplished without sustained practice.

At this point, something magical starts to happen. You start to see the fruits of your action:

Initially the fact that women do not actually run away and some do seem to, against all odds, be interested in talking to you.

Later, the fact that many of these women are interesting in sharing their contact information with you.

Later still, that many of these women will respond, come out to meet you, and follow you home like little ducklings.

As you see these results, the proof of your competence, your confidence starts to build. Soon you walk with more swagger, a pep in your step, a glint in your eye. And that’s when things really start to turn around. Ultimately, it’s your own belief in your ability to meet and attract women that actually ends up leading you to meet and attract women. If you don’t believe it possible for yourself you will make it impossible for yourself.

So, practically, where does that put us?

-Focus on GRADUAL improvement of skills through trial, error, and DEMONSTRATED performance. The action you take and results you get are PROOF for yourself and AMMO to destroy that inner wormtongue hater voice that is holding you back.

-Confidence is domain-specific (although mastery in one area can bleed over some general confidence). Even if you are a high-powered CEO, it would be ridiculous to think that your confidence would spill over onto the tennis court, or into the world of Broadway. You need to build confidence in *this* domain – namely, dating.

-As you attract more women and demonstrate those skills to yourself and others, you will build momentum and your internal dialogue can begin to shift away from obsession with fixed characteristics and imagined failures, and move towards competence (I *can* talk to girls on the street. I *can* get their LINEs without too much effort. I *can* get them out on dates and hook up with them). Once you see yourself to be competent, the confidence starts to ooze from every atom of your body.

The post How to Build Confidence and Learn Game Like a Boss appeared first on Attraction Japan.

from Attraction Japan http://attractionjapan.com/learn-game-like-a-boss/

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