#i think i'm not sure what it is but i think abt it a lot

[meowmeowriley]

rabbits are crepuscular? so theyre awake at dawn and dusk and some night time and lots of naps

is bun!ghost The Sleepiest Boy On Base? is it A Thing to find Lt. Riley snoozing in a corner? I'm also thinking he probably naps on infil/exfil...

sorry this is silly, bun!ghost is gnawing on my brain and I can't stop thinking abt him

At first everyone either thinks he's a morning person, or a night person, whichever they happen to be, he'll be found around base at all hours. When the man is up before the sun, every day, regardless of his duties, he likes to run. When he's found at dusk, hitting the weights, nobody bats an eye.

But then people do what they do best, and gossip starts. the people who see him up before the sun talk to the people who see him in the gym as the sun is going down. Gossip leads to most people believing he only sleeps on infil/exfil, because rumors are always crazy surrounding him.

It's only the 141 who know that the man tends to nap during the day. Price has found him slumped over his desk fast asleep when he should be doing paperwork. Soap knows the man tends to nap right before lunch, and sometimes fails to wake up in time, and will make a point to check on him, just to make sure. Gaz has made a habit of quietly taking over some of Ghost's tasks and shooting him away to a corner so he can catch a wink. They've all had the pleasure of walking into the rec room to find the furniture rearranged so that Ghost can sleep on the couch in the beam of sun filtering in through the open window.

This behavior, while obvious to us, because we collectively know he's a rabbit, leads Soap to conclude that the man is a cat shifter. Ghost finds it hilarious.

#ghoap #ghostsoap #soapghost #call of duty #fanfic #cod mw2 #modern warfare #fanfic wip #ao3 #simon ghost riley #rabbit shifter ghost #shifter au #trans!ghost #john soap mactavish #watership down bad au #ask hoard #ask answered #ask

[ghetto-omega]

Me thinking abt how black culture and racism would've changed in omegaverse

If scent's genetic, do you think there would be "dirty scents" (Like scents people say are unclean despite them being like- Prairie grass or smth) and shit?

Oh yes absolutely, If we're talking scents I don't think it'd be the nature-ish ones, I think it'd be the ones to do with spices and warmth, maybe even a few smokier ones. Like cinnamon, saffron, cardamom, ginger, woodsmoke, maybe things like mahogany, or coffee.

I think the "good" smells for non-poc/black omegas would be sweet smells like, apple, peach, just about any sort of flowery scent, cake, vanilla, cotton, candy, honey, anything like this.

For alphas it's sea salt, eucalyptus, lemon, ocean, pine, sandalwood, ect ect. ofc, I think that the scents alphas prefer on other alphas is different, but I don't really know much about that ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

I also think that there's a difference between nature-ish scents and earthy scents, and I think the nature ones would tend to be the preferred (ex. Lavender or grass vs nutmeg or amber) I just think that smelling too warm or dark or heavy would be how a lot of black people would smell, and for some reason (it's racism) those would be classified as "too strong" or they "inherently smell bad".

And if a black person does have one of the more light and airy scents they're either classified as, "one of the good ones", unworthy of having their scent, or lucky, even though that's just how they smell...? Lol.

Some people even get products to cover their scent with an entirely different one, which brings an entirely different type of micro aggression where nonblack people start asking whether that's "your actual scent" and "what do you use to smell like that" and other low-key racist things. Like idk maybe that's just, once again, how they smell.

I'm sure black omegas are considered inherently less omega just because of their blackness. Like imagine an omega with a cinnamon and ginger scent being told their nest smells like an alpha, or even being accused of cheating because of how they smell.

#𑁍shut up shii𑁍 #omegaverse #a/b/o #miscecanis #a/b/o dynamics #omegaverse worldbuilding #a/b/o verse #alpha beta omega #omegaverse headcanons #omegaverse lifestyle #omega lifestyle #a/b/o word building #a/b/o lifestyle #a/b/o universe #𑁍playdate𑁍 #SHOUTOUT TO ALL MY FELLOW BLACK OMEGAS #I SEE YOU AND I HEAR YOU #SHOUTOUT TO BLACK PEOPLE IN GENERAL ACTUALLY LOL

[th1rt33n]

can you tell the tism twins are my favorites mostly knives doodles cus the bastard has taken up residence in my brain as of late

#trigun #trigun maximum #trimax #vash the stampede #millions knives #knives millions #rem saverem #nicholas d. wolfwood #trimax spoilers #kinda? #not sure so i'll just tag anyways lol #i am desperately figuring out how tf to draw knives #my new favorite bastard man #it has been almost a month since i finished trimax and i'm still not over it #every time i feel the trigun brainworms fading they come back stronger #also first image is vaguely based off that one 98 promo image(?) #i think i'm not sure what it is but i think abt it a lot #my art #fanart

[kazbiter]

very interested in how the storyline of ronan's sexuality is developed in the dream thieves as a battle between kavinsky and gansey while adam is almost never present in these scenes, which makes it even more interesting that we found out in CDTH that ronan was set on adam the moment he saw him. i think that ronan is attracted on some level to both gansey and kavinsky (you can draw the lines of how much romantic intention you think he hold towards either of the yourself, that's a rabbit hole I would need a whole other post to go down) but more so I think he was attracted to the IDEA of both of them and certain qualities that each possessed, and that the real question wasn't does ronan want gansey or kavinsky because we know he wants adam but rather who's qualities resonate more with who ronan is, or who he is choosing to be at this critical moment in his character development. kavinsky is a dangerous thrill and often comes wrapped in ronan's other favorite self destructive attempts to outrun himself, while gansey is ronan's history and proof of his deep capacities for loyalty and love. he tells kavinsky it was never going to be me and you and that it's not going to be ronan and gansey because that was never the question- maggie was obviously always planning on bluesy and pynch. the answer to who ronan WANTS in adam. the question of who ronan IS- that's what he's trying to decide here. his self hatred is such a heavy weight on him and theme in tdt, and the kavinsky/gansey dichotomy represents the the path he will choose to take to deal with it- keep try to drive faster than his demons or accept that he can still be loved even if he isn't the person he once was. the dream thieves my beloved ronan lynch my beloved

#obviously I'm not the authority on this lmao these r just my thoughts but I would love to hear ur thoughts as well!!! #this has been in my drafts for a while while I kept updating and tweaking it but I think this is the best way to say what I'm trying to say #also lot of kavinsky posts here at kazbiter recently not very sure what's up w that #anyways yeah I really do think this is why she did it this way like I don't think kavinsky ever even says adams name?? i could b wrong tho #and I always found that interesting and while I appreciated he was the leader of ronsey nation I was like how does he not know abt adam #and this is my conclusion I think it was an active writing choice of Maggie's bc the dichotomy of gansey/kavinsky just really works for #ronans personal overarching plot of the book that is undoubtedly his in trc

[dykefaggotry]

we've gotta start romanticizing topping more bc the amount of ppl who want to fuck but don't on tumblr is unprecedented and they all think they're bottoms bc they've never had sex. I thought I'd be a bottom before I had sex and it turns out absolutely not and topping is 10000% more enjoyable for me

please we have to romanticize the strap it's so fun

#this isn't abt that poll bc that's abt ppl that have had sex #and absolutely respect solely bottoming once you know what you like #but I feel like so much of it is ppl doing guesswork based on fanfiction and fantasies #which tends to focus on things that are gonna be hot for the bottom #no one knows how to pretend they know how to top when writing fanfiction please lmao #but yeah this is abt the fact that most virgins on this site think they'd be bottoms and I'm just like #im sure a lot of u would but at the like 10% of u....... u deserve to see romanticized strap posts

[pumpkinrootbeer]

sorry for haymitch posting constantly but the funniest thing to me is in his games there was nothing outwardly suggesting everything was poison but his paranoid ass saw fresh water and went "it's a trap" and the hilarious part is he was right

#:v #haymitch abernathy #the hunger games #Like his survided the hardest most dangerous games by not trusting anything #except mayslee and then you know. she dies bc he figured out the forcefield #The focus on forcefields in cf does drive me a little bit insane #in a good way I like the imagery of something used to trap being used as a weapon against the captors #does make me go a little crazy thinking about what this says abt haymitch tho #sure drunk 40 yr old who had his family murdered and was forced to watch 46 kids die isn't going to trust anyone #but why does a 16 yr old kid expect something horrible at every turn #to the point he only trusts someone after they save his life KINDA LIKE KATNISS HUH . #sorry those two drive me insane........... #Like yeah haymitch is also just incredibly clever to figure out the tricks but it says a lot abt his upbringing #healthy kids with healthy families don't expect everything to kill them is all I'm saying

[deanpinterester]

hi what

#uhhhh me #atla #listen i have very little stakes in this #i didn't grow up with atla so it doesn't hold nostalgic value the way it does for a lot of people #i think a lot of live action remakes are unnecessary but i do try to give them a chance #however comma. due to recent underwhelming adaptations my patience with them is wearing Thin #i am getting tired of showrunners trying to change things from the source material that had no reason to be changed #sometimes even things that are straight up important or The Point #i'm sure they'll still try to give sokka an arc w the kyoshi warriors but their reasoning for it is #questionable to say the least #like sokka's sexism is literally A Thing He Had To Overcome. it's not portrayed as a good trait #if a kid's show can handle this then the grittified remake absolutely can too #and i KNOW. i know this is just a soundbite from an interview. it might not be as bad as it sounds #but given what i've been seeing from adaptations in the past few months/years. i really doubt it #also lol love the comments on the thread saying 'can't wait for the show to say azula is actually nice now!' #(also i do not blame the actors for defending this change. they are basically obligated to never say anything bad abt the show)

[aphverse-confessions]

Due to the Minecraft Diaries tag, it appears when you search up Minecraft.

It's not there in the Minecraft tags but it does appear when you search it.

As the word being in the tag makes it appear when people search for it.

So if someone has a "#Garroth is a cutie" tag in their post and I search for Garroth, the post shows up. Even if it doesn't have a separate Garroth tag.

Ah I see what you mean. I guess I just go through tags rather than using the search function so I didn't think of that

#I'm not really sure what to do abt that tho #I'm not using the minecraft tag incorrectly #I personally (and I'm sure others) look through the minecraft diaries tag for mcd content #if it's becoming an issue maybe blacklist the tag? #I'm not trying to be difficult #I'm sure minecraft diaries is not the only series with this problem #there are a lot of series with minecraft in the title #so maybe blacklisting isn't the best solution #but I think it's a little unfair to ask us to not tag minecraft diaries content as 'minecraft diaries' due to Tumblr's awful search function #but my dms are open if you want to talk abt it further

[theoestofocs]

but the thing is, melanie hates jon because he is so very much like her.

they work in adjacent fields, they've got such similar temperaments - they both run straight for whatever supernatural horror they need to understand, they both suck at planning ahead (poisoned coffee, melanie?) and they both lash out as a primary defense mechanism - and jon wasn't qualified for his job, and martin's only "degree" was in paranormal psychology, so clearly the Institute was hiring from a broader pool than "qualified archivists." i can't imagine ghost studies are all that lucrative as a field. if melanie hadn't made it as a youtuber, what would she have done? we don't know a lot about her educational background but - she knows what it's like, to need to know. she walked into the Institute and got a job because Elias saw that he could use her.

If she'd had a legitimate encounter sooner, if she'd started her quest a few years early, if she'd come to the Institute to give her statement and stayed to use their library before Gertrude had died -

Or even if she just couldn't survive on a youtuber's salary, if she'd gone looking for job postings in relevant fields -

It could have been her. She looks at Jon, and she sees exactly who she could have been. It's only luck that it wasn't.

And that's the kicker, isn't it? It's luck, that she's in her shoes instead of Jon's.

And is she supposed to feel lucky? To feel thankful that she's had to suffer through attack after attack, Elias showing her how her father (her dad, who called her his little moth) died screaming, her body torn open by things that don't exist, her sense of self slipping as she ripped into flesh with no recognizable form, her trust violated as she woke up to two of the few remaining people who are supposed to be on her side cutting into her against her will - to feel lucky, because she had to gouge her eyes out just to have her body back in her control -

Is she supposed to be happy that she lived through all that? Is she supposed to be glad, just because she could have been Jon?

Nobody told Melanie she needed to feel sorry for Jon, or give him her sympathy, or any other kind of pity. She just wants to give it, because God, what he'd gone through -

(Thank God it wasn't her -)

- Fuck that, she isn't lucky.

She hates Jon, because she refuses to feel grateful for the horror show her life has been. (Because she's grateful, that it wasn't her; and she's furious, because - yes it was. she paid the price of the apocalypse in blood and scars and trauma, too. She wasn't Jon, and could have been - but fuck it, she was still Melanie. and the hell that she has lived through isn't nothing.)

It's just bad luck, that it was Jon of all people. It's just bad luck, that it was Melanie.

No one here is lucky.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma meta #melanie king #linden's originals #i just have a lot of Feelings ok #tangentially related but one of these days i'm gonna write the post abt basira #bc i love to joke abt jon relying on the local lesbians to make good decisions! it is very fun. but also #incredibly inaccurate. jon made bad decisions (mainly due to a dearth of information and a wealth of fear) #but he didn't make better decisions when he let the wlw take charge! #basira was the one who convinced(/coerced? definitely pressured but details beyond that are lacking) jon into performing surgery #on melanie's leg. left to his own devices idk what jon would have done but it sure as hell wouldn't have been #''roofie my coworker to perform nonconsensual surgery'' #if only bc that is Not something that would occur to him. & idc man it's a messy situation all around #there was no good choice there (there never was) but that? that wasn't the right one. and i think that's the other piece at play here #melanie didn't forgive him for that. i sure wouldn't. and she gets it - she does: there were no good choices - #but how is she supposed to care about the suffering that guy of all people went through? when it feels like it invalidates her own? #how are you supposed to feel about your reflection in a face that stars in all your nightmare memories? #melanie hates jon because he never gave her a reason to like him; and because he violated her (no matter how necessary it was); and #because she could have been him. because it's luck that it wasn't. #except there is no good luck in this world. not in this apocalypse - the one that's been going on for much longer for her - for them - #than since that final ritual. she's been living an apocalypse since she saw that monster in a hospital. and that matters too. #not one of them has been free in a long time. maybe ever #melanie can't pity him because feeling ''pity'' requires a level of distance she doesn't have #pity means ''there but for the grace of God go -'' but what grace? #there but for the grace of god go i? is she meant to thank someone for giving her the lot she got in life? #how is she supposed to feel glad about that? #she cannot pity him. and she cannot commiserate; those bridges have long since been burned. all that's left to feel #is a guilty kind of hatred and resentment. because in another life she might've been him; in another life still they might have been twins #linden in the tags

[sapsolais]

does anyone else go out for a small number of hours to do a thing that requires any level of human interaction and come home feeling like ur body has 5 weighted blankets on it and then need to recharge for twice as many hours as you went out for or. is that just me

#is this the autism #i am so worried abt my new job SHDKFHGKGJ #i Love kids i love talking n helping n playing w kids bc they don't give a fuck n say what they mean and it's nice to help shdkgjg but #i have to work w all the adults n hougghhggnbhg i mean just #god #i am so exhausted #sosososo exhausted #i'm a lil worried it's not as bad as when i worked at the outlet in the busiest store ever but idk #i'm sure once we have a stable routine n kids signed up for the program it'll be easier since it's the same routine w the same kids #same schedule #but god today was grueling solely bc #meeting a lottttaaa people #also being misgendered shdkgj n havin to talk a lot #at least my coworkers seem nice!! i think they'll be understanding w my pronouns hopefully?? #anyway #any of y'all feel this?? please help is this the constant masking or am i just crazy #sap says

[dan-crimes]

LMAO so funny thing is everyone knows the whole Sonic and Shadow looking alike thing is total bullshit and I totally agree those comments they try to pull in the games and show(s? I'm not technically a Sonic fan I dunno if it's multiple) make basically no sense to me but then my Mom comes in while watching Sonic Prime and says "So what, Sonic has a brother or something?" and this whole other world has opened up to me and I've seen the truth of it all

#so to clarify I do not consider myself a Sonic fan since I have never played a Sonic game and I've never read any of the comics #and idk the lore cuz I've never really bothered to watch other people play it and I have watched some of the shows #y'know my grandma had 4Kids so sometimes I would catch Sonic X on TV #but literally most of my knowledge of the Sonic franchise is just having people talk to me about it #like when I was a kid my grandma babysat these kids who were older than me I forget how old I was like under 10 I think #and one of the kid's big interest was Sonic so I would just sit and listen to him talk about Sonic the entire time I was there #he would play the games too I think but my brain didn't process any of that so I have no actual memory of the screen #I would mostly just pay attention to him talking cuz he would talk about it while playing it was great #so that is the base of my knowledge and then after my grandma stopped babysitting them it was radio silence #until y'know people would occasionally bring stuff up in videos I'd watch and I'd look @ videos about people talking abt Sonic #occasionally and see like memes or YTPs of Sonic or y'know abridged stuff #but I literally never actually watched a Sonic game until Frontiers came out and then The Murder Of Sonic the Hedgehog #and Sonic Prime is the first Sonic show I properly sat down and watched which show is great btw I enjoy it a lot #but yeah and it was vaguely purposeful like I was keeping myself away cuz I know how I am about stuff and I WILL try to learn EVERYTHING #if I get too interested in Sonic as a franchise #oh I did play Unleashed sometime after it first came out and couldn't get past like the first fuckin level but tbf I was like 7 years old #possibly 8 years old cuz I'm not 100% sure how much later I got the game but like I was really bad @ any game that wasn't just like #spamming buttons since I grew up on fighting games lmao #but yeah I dropped the game almost immediated I do not count that for anything #but yeah long story short: all my knowledge is second hand like I still think I know a good amount for what it's worth but #I wouldn't trust my own knowledge

[carbonateddelusion]

I'm NORMAL (thinking about the fruit dads/the poly boyfriends with Eddie bc I remembered the picture of Max screaming at Chuck)

#like. i also remembered that post where the beefs all crowd around pregnant (human) rory to protect him #i think they collectively would beat chuck to a bloody pulp. i like to think that he would be extremely dead #edgar would definitely get along with rory especially so.... probably blondee and goose too bc they seem more calm and sullen #ozzie would. kind of scare him. but he respects him #max would also kind of scare him but mostly because he has bad associations with Big Muscular People and he's never seen anybody bigger- #-than himself #kibi's mom (im sorry im blanking on her name) and him would probably get along.. idk much about her but i can see her playing with the kids #and as long as someone gets along with the kids they're good in his book #august..... im not sure tbh. i dont know what he's like outside of being sassy and flirty idk how he is when interacting with people he- #-isn't tearing down or trying to bone #i think beau and edgar would get along SWIMMINGLY. SCARILY well. #i also don't know a whole lot about pinot so i can't say much abt him #rex seems nice :) i. ALSO don't know much about him other than he's pleasant and protective though #frankie... i'm not sure tbh #james would intimidate eddie greatly. he is... big and loud. it would very much spook him #tryna remember who i'm forgetting here #louis is chill he'd remind eddie of his brother nate #BUBBA MY FRIEND BUBBA. yeah i also don't know him well but they'd get along probably #oc ramblings #oc: edgar #comrade gang #clown friend tag #clownie rory #clownie blondee #clownie goose #clownie Ozzie #clownie max #clownie August #clownie beau #clownie pilot

[poelya]

Thank you for blessing my timeline with the beauty that is 💫Marc Spector💫 now I wanna watch moon knight all over again/pos

Oscar Isaac characters stop being so blorbo shaped challenge.

I'm just doing my part o7. I had another really bad day today, and I was like. Fuck it, I'm rewatching my emotional support episode of Moon Knight. And then whaddya know? I started feeling better (as my love @dameronalone pointed out, it's almost like Marc's a spin lmao).

Anyway I ended up pausing the episodes so many times either to cry about him or to giggle, twirl my hair, and kick my feet about how pretty he is, so....giffing felt like a no-brainer, especially as an additional little pick-me-up.

Finally, I don't think it's a setting Oscar can turn off tbh. Now if I like - only had Poe and Marc as blorbos, I could. Yeah alright, that's fair. They're both very distinctly but overlapping Nym archetypes (don't ask me about why I think they're similar unless you want me to look like that Charlie Day meme). Hell, even Miguel I can like....that's filed solidly under Spider-Man, y'know?

But *shakes box and a bunch of extra oscar characters fall out, chibi style* I fear many more of them are also so....so shaped, yknow?

#me abt the rest of them: i don't know what i'm feeling specifically but there's a lot of it and it's maybe a LITTLE gay #specifically i am thinking of steven and rydal and santi. mostly santi. #i've been thinking abt him here lately. not sure why. is it bc triple frontier a summertime movie? idk #. maybe it's close to when i first watched it or smth lmao #anyway #asks #userorb #i support and encourage all mk rewatches. #because i'm a filthy enabler and that man is my. husband? partner? i hate the word boyfriend i'm not sullying him with that word #he's my marc. #there that works.

[rubberbandballqueen]

also today in queer history class discussion i pitched the question "how has your race impacted your experiences as a queer person" and so one of my classmates talked abt how she was usually the only black person in queer spaces (or if not, then the only dark skinned black person) and talked a lot abt the isolation of it all

which was cool to hear, but not quite what i was looking for, so at the end i was like, "follow-up question: how has your blackness influenced your queerness?"

and after class she told me no one had ever asked her that before and so she'd never had to consider it, but now she was excited to just throw that at every other queer person of color in her life because it's like, "huh. what kind of homoeroticisms DO i experience as a result of my culture? how CAN i express my queerness in a way that also feels at home with my culture, instead of just picking an expression that is one or the other?" and i think that's beautiful. i hope she figures out how she wants to be queer in her own uniquely black way

#the worm speaks #me bringing my valuable experiences with the blending of cultures as a mixed race person to the table 2day it seems lol #and she went on to tell me how there are a lot of examples of queer black *masculinity* but very few came to mind #of like queer black *femininity* n so ultimately i'm still left not knowing what homoeroticism looks like to like. #bc she is genderfluid n so she's not a woman but she is femme and she's mentioned this many times #but like you guys get my gist #i think i brought a lot of unexpected questions to the discussion today LOL like the reading was abt the erasure of queer asian americans #in the history of the united states and yep there sure were a lot of queer asians erased but like for some reason it didn't really strike me #as a subject to discuss or ask a lot of questions about. same with the mentions of orientalism LOL #i think i'm also a little bit averse to bringing up orientalism bc i feel like i risk being accused of it myself by nature of being mixed #as if being half white is all that matters in a discussion about race as if i've never felt the pressures n hardships of being asian myself #etc etc it's a little hard for me to feel like i'm allowed to speak abt the subject lol but it was like The One Subject #the prof deliberately drew attn to towards the end to discuss #mostly i focused my questions for the class on the subjects of culture and community building and the desire for connection #stuff i'm both deeply familiar with bc of blorbo studies and also kind of asian about lol

[starsandthorn]

read through alien space for star rail context and every frame himeko's in you can faintly hear me in the bg trying hard not to think about how much she looks like diluc

#personal stuff #delete later #remembering the reason i got into honkai in the first place was to see what similarities genshin might have inherited #and going oh yeah!! this is fun actually #anyway yeah. woe same hair color bangs and art style be upon ye. the little hair loopy is driving me crazy #don't get me started on the red eye that pepper mint has contrasted to the delusion. good night #the manga itself was really interesting though! i haven't read a whole lot of the honkai manga bc i don't know where to start really #like i've read azure waters bc i love my girl. and second key for gay people lore #but i haven't read any of the others i don't think #also REALLY funny to me who didn't finish apho 2. originally i thought welt's star rail experience was an isekai. #i honest to god thought void archives hit him with a train and he woke up on a different train #while funny. the actual reality has me head in hands. the image of star rail himeko that welt sees and recognizes her.....auuuugh. #and the very person who rescues him is the person he feels like he did wrong by lying to her. agh. #but yeah! i only knew a little bit abt himeko's dad based on what we're told early in game #so i originally speculated that genshin murata's father was the og pyro archon who died and she took his place #but now i'm not entirely sure. #chances are. since we've seen archons inherit the same Ideal along with their element. murata probably fought her predecessor #and took their place #ACTUALLY FUCK ME. WAIT. #LIBEN'S LINE ABOUT NATLAN . WAS HIM TALKING ABOUT OTHER WORLDS. #at first i thought it was just a cheap way for the developers to talk about their other new game and maybe it was BUT ALSO. #AND AT LEAST ONE MURATA WAS OBSESSED WITH GOING TO SPACE. #HMMMM #listen i am not all that excited for natlan purely on the basis that i know mhy is going to fuck up every character design #but plotwise maybe i am allowed a little bit of hope. lol #anyway void archives pretty. i get it now.

[viktortittiforov]

the 2010s sure were a time in my life

#there's just....... there's just something about that time #it might have something to do with 2011 being the year i started high school and 2019 being the year i finished my BA #and also the last year before the pandemic #I DON'T KNOW I JUST. THINKING BACK ON IT THERE IS THIS MYSTIQUE TO THAT TIME. THIS STRANGE EXCITEMENT #which is most likely a result of me finally beginning to feel like i can shape my own life and who i am and daydreaming abt a better future #and like exploring myself. in 2010 i turned 14 and fully realised i'm bi and throughout the decade #i experimented with a variety of different like...... identifications and imaginations of who i am #some of those were quite consumer identities (e.g. i strove to be and was a very hipster teen) but nevertheless #i don't know dudes like. the pandemic took a lot from me in terms of ability to be excited about what's to come i think #even though my life is pretty good i'd say #but also maybe that's just what it's like to grow into adulthood and get a job etc. SIGH why am i writing an entire fucking essay #abt my 2010s teenagehood nostalgia #like majority of those years also SUCKED because i had zero real irl friends and was really lonely lmfao #it felt like life didn't really start for me yet #and i was constantly waiting to burst into it. maybe that's the mystique. constantly hoping i am on the precipice of smth extraordinary #is nostalgia for one's teenage yrs inevitable? even if you feel like you missed out on most experiences considered quintessentially teenage? #i only started having Teenage Experiences™ when i went to uni lmfao (i.e. early 20s) #but idk it's such a loaded period psychologically and it's horrible and frustrating when you're living it but then you think back on it #and you're like man..... sure was a time huh. wow #but idk my experience could also be influenced by so many other variables #e.g. smartphones and social networks becoming widespread and common #that was also a pretty significant thing that happened #anyway i think i'm abt to run out of tags so. that's it #sry this shoulda gone into my diary probably but i inflicted it on you instead #neptalks