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#i think it was something self depricating

milf-harrington · 2 years

Note

I just went on a deep dive through the notes on that one post and I am so sorry, I swear I didn't mean to turn a positivity post into a self depreciation train 😭 I was really just trying to be funny.

no don't apologise, you were funny!! 😭😭

i don't think i've ever re-read something ive written without absently thinking that a different word might have sounded better or discovering i've spelled a word wrong or typed it weird; it's such a common and universal thing

it's not your fault some people are so insecure about their abilities they have to bully their past selves in the notes of my post

#that last part may have been mean but honestly it is very frustrating having made what was supposed to be a postitive post #and then had something funny and very true and relateable added ont #only to immediately have my notes filled with people who have taken the well-meaning addition as an invitation to go #''haha wow yeah i suck and i hate all my writing so relateable'' when that's the opposite of what you and i were saying #and that kind of behaviour isn't okay!! it's not okay for the person saying it and it's not okay for anyone reading it #i used to think i HAD to be self-depricating; like i was getting points for being self aware but all you're doing is training yourself #to hate yourself and to hate your hobbies #i am very passionate about this so im gonna cut off my rant here before it gets long jkghjskf #anyway i stg YOU are not at fault i loved your addition <3 #asks #patisserieblu

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cybermeep · 4 months

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my english teacher discussed a poem today along with a plethora of things, one event in particular stood out as he remarked he used to be nicknamed [insert name of a very prevalent serial killer here] back at an old job. i stared at him for maybe five seconds, thought of something, then hid my face in my hands as i was then trying to keep my composure; my face ended up a slight shade of red. apparently i am very prone to blushing; notice this because of both a observation an acquaintance made awhile back and the distinct exclaim of “you’re blushing, we have to keep bidding!” in an adaptation auction we were doing as an activity in marine science. i was unaware of this both times, the blushing i mean, and its caused me to occasionally check the left side of my face to see if my face is in fact warm at all.

a friend had also stopped me in the halls to give me a gift.. its so cute!!!!! i almost did an ‘eek’ like noise. its a little shrimp!!!!!!! truly one of its kind.. his name is sheldon, which i find particularly funny as an acquaintance of mine (friend is also accurate, but sometimes he can irritate me.) has kept bombarding me with requests to watch young sheldon... I don’t wish to, but he keeps telling me to. sometimes insufferable, hence why i don’t always sit with him. ANYWAY, the gift is truly something i adore. he had also given me stamps of carnivorous plants.. CARNIVOROUS PLANTS!!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!!! i dont send people letters but i do have a fondness for stamps.. this makes me incredibly happy! i wish to put some of these in my sketchbook & savor others. truly excited & filled with glee.. i had been able to give him his bracelets! one was handmade, other two were somewhat of childhood memories. one was a bracelet in a yellow hue my mom had gotten for me when i was especially young & another was a kandi bracelet which was (arguably) one of the first times i had spent money on anything in the wake of being introduced to.. well, handling my own money. drew some alvin on the box as it was simply a old bootleg airpod case beforehand..

i had also put a rather tedious amount of time getting an outfit together this morning.. one of my favorite shirts with a pair of earrings i adore. hurt to wear, and once the end of lunch was upon me i had taken them off; i still had kept a silly appearance, though! lunch in itself was interesting because of the table i usually enjoyed sitting at being taken.. sat in another, close ish one. had chit chat around me & am forever grateful i took my sensory overload medication. drew some sketches & held my shrimp buddy with me.. i forgot what they served for lunch, as i didn’t check. i was going to sit in a different seat, but went against it as i needed some space to put my things. could’ve went to the library, but i wished to be closer to where my next class was. cleaned some eraser dust off the table & mind was somewhat blank.

i guess as a last statement, i still feel incredibly distraught about something.. many things, really, although one in particular because it always manages to gnaw at me; the fact i simply am… to do nothing, i suppose. even with people i only know in passing, i always find joy in waving to them even if they don’t wave back— same with saying hello. it makes me happy because it’s something very human i like doing, and although silly & unneeded is something i do anyway. i don’t care about if i look foolish for waving and having it unnoticed, i don’t care if waving in general is silly. i don’t care about any of these things because just the act of doing it makes me happy.. and having the inability to do this feels crushing in the way it makes me feel as if im less human, or even worse, remarking others as less human by not waving. as much as i try to put on a carefully sculpted sense of self to this & pretend i’m not effected, it so easily cracks & breaks; leaving me wide open for vulnerability. i know im overthinking it and a simple action is pointless & nobody would think that just from not waving, but having the inability to do it without simply being a pest whilst simultaneously breaking an established rule feels more awful than i would like to ever admit verbally aloud. obviously, this is also stupid in the fact my feelings aren’t one to care about on this matter— oh you can’t wave? oh big deal, get over yourself. you were a dick and really are this caught up on the inability for you to do something? what about all the things you caused to be tainted, not ruined as that would give you far too much credit, but tainted?— i know, i know, self-centered. foolish, too; its just something i think, so i wrote about it.

..ah, i had meant to start on homework an hour and a half ago.

#i realize the ending piece sounds rather.. uh. kind of depricating? it isnt meant to be #deprecating*#its meant to be neutral in pointing out my flawed perspective on something although it can come off as a bit aggressive..#just in general though the last paragraph feels very stupid. i apologize for that #i never say anything i put here to make others feel bad nor do i say it to be self-deprecating as its just meant to be observations #but i realize said observations arent always.. positive. some of my words can very often come off as if i hate myself which i dont #although to be fair i hate a plethora of actions ive done & certain attributes.. but not myself in my entirety #at least in my general state; i do realize my.. well. to put it bluntly visibly awful state of being i did quite hate myself a bit #anyway i never say these things expecting them to be read anyway.. if they ARE then i feel immensely guilty #then again im. posting online. why guilty if i could just keep as a draft. whatever ive done too much thinking #take all these words as you will and if you read this all i wish you well & glee & other things you the viewer may enjoy.#cybers tangents

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teaboot · 1 year

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While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.

Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.

This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:

"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."

"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."

"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."

"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I must have been wrong."

This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:

"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"

"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."

"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"

Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.

You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.

The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:

Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.

A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.

Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.

Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.

The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:

Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.

Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.

Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.

Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.

Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)

Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)

I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.

I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".

('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)

#Gaslighting #Abuse #Information #Psychological abuse

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queenofcoquette · 7 months

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confidence

introduction:

hey loves! one thing i’ve observed in self improvement spaces online is an obsession with confidence, and how to be confident. i’ve seen those red-pill guys give toxic confidence tips for guys, and self improvement girls give toxic confidence advice for girls. confidence is something we all desire because it's something we generally need more of, or help with.

what really is confidence?

confidence is shown internally and externally. internally it’s a mindset we need to work on. externally we present ourselves as someone who is secure in themselves. i think both are important- when you show it, you start to feel it a little bit.

internal- we walk into a room without comparing ourselves to others. we don’t think that we’re superior or inferior to anyone

internal- we still love ourselves after mistakes

internal- we recognize that we’re human and sometimes slip up

internal- we take care of ourselves and think positive thoughts

internal- we don’t view other people as competition

internal- we don’t care about what other people think of us

external- we treat people with kindness

external- we stay out of drama & gossip

external- we have straight posture

external- we make eye contact & smile when we talk

external- we’re friendly to other people

external- we try new things

external- we avoid making self-depricating comments

external- we don’t try to get validation from other people

internal changes:

writing down insecurities, fears, etc.- have a journal to write about how you feel, it really does help

avoid comparing other people. when you start doing it- just tell yourself to stop. it won’t work at first, but eventually you’ll stop doing so.

reminders. remind yourself that not everyone is judging you- people are caught up in their own lives and insecurities too. remind yourself we all fall and make mistakes, but you have the power to get back up.

meditation. i had to go back to this cuz i wasn’t feeling too good. i do 5 minute meditations- you can find guided ones on youtube. they’re very quick so it won’t take too much time out of your day.

external changes: (aka fake it til u make it)

walk with a straight back and lift your chin up

practice making eye contact talking

taking care of yourself. at my time at military school we were taught that self respect also means taking care of your appearance, and just looking good. you don’t need to put effort into your looks in terms of doing your hair and nails and makeup- but just look someone put together, and if you want then go above and beyond. when you look good, you feel good!

working out. exercise is proven to make you feel better, and when you put effort into yourself (which includes more than exercise, things like stretching, good hygeine) you’re going to feel better.

give people genuine compliments

stop self depricating talk. stop calling yourself dumb or ugly, or all those things. first of, it makes other people feel like they can do it to you, and it will make you feel worse about yourself!

surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

conclusion:

it takes time to feel confident, and you definitely won’t feel it 24/7. i still get horribly insecure sometimes and i know i still have a lot of growth to make, but by implementing these changes it’s a first step- and by staying consistent you’ll get closer to seeing yourself in a healthier light. of course if your self hatred is to the point where it’s causing serious damage to yourself/your mental health you should get treatment.

#that girl #that girl 2023 #self improvement #pink pilates princess #queenofcoquette #it girl

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tainsan · 26 days

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misfits XIII

⇥ pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader

⇥ warnings: self deprication but thats it I think :O, mentions of suggestive content

⇥ word count: 9.1k

⇥ a/n: hello guys, it has been a while. sorry for my inactivity and all the people waiting for new chapters, i havent been very well the past few months. i am okay though!! i hope you enjoy this chapter even though it is somewhat of a filler

⇢ masterlist ⇠

previous chapter ⇠ ⇢ next chapter...

Finishing typing the last sentence of your assignment, a sense of accomplishment washes over you. But even in that moment of triumph, the proposition from your roommates continues to occupy your thoughts. It had been a distraction throughout the day, and it had affected your ability to concentrate on your work.

The internal struggle you are experiencing is rooted in a mix of emotions. You yearned for the affection and love your roommates offered, wanting to be part of a relationship that felt incredibly meaningful. But doubts lingered in the back of your mind, like shadows in the corners of your thoughts.

‘Am I good enough?’ The question had haunted you throughout the day. You wondered if you were deserving of their affections, if you could truly measure up to their standards. Insecurity gnaws at you, and you can’t help but compare yourself to the admirers and fans your roommates had.

The cryptic message you had received added another layer of uncertainty. You were aware of the intense scrutiny and potential backlash that came with being in a relationship with the ‘famous’ campus group. The fear of facing hate and criticism from others weighs heavily on your mind, making you wonder if you have the strength to endure it.

Your curtains are open, allowing the dim, amber light from the streetlights outside to filter into your room. It's nighttime, and the glow of the streetlights casts soft, gentle patterns on your walls. The air in your room is crisp, and the faint aroma of dinner cooking wafts through the air, creating a cosy and inviting atmosphere. Your laptop sits on your desk, its screen illuminating your face as you sit in quiet contemplation, lost in your thoughts and the gentle ambiance of the night.

Closing your laptop, your roommates' proposition still loomed large, a complex and challenging choice that required careful consideration. You knew that the path ahead wouldn't be easy, but you also knew that your feelings for them were genuine and deep.

Suddenly, a knock resounds on your door.

"____, dinner is ready," San's voice reaches you through the wooden door.

You close your laptop and push back your chair, acknowledging his call. "Coming," you respond, but the weakness in your voice doesn't escape San's notice.

Stepping out of your room, you find San waiting for you in the hallway, his brow furrowed and concern evident in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice gentle, as he takes in the change in your usual behaviour.

You pause for a moment, meeting San's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and apprehension. It is clear that he sensed something was amiss, and you appreciated his concern. You manage a faint smile, but it doesn't quite reach your eyes as you offer a reassuring nod.

"I'm fine," you say, a small white lie slipping past your lips. You didn't want to burden San with your worries or concerns, not when they were already so caring and supportive.

“You aren't good at lying, sweetheart.” San's expression remains filled with concern, the nickname making your heart skip a beat.

"It's nothing, San," you say with a forced smile, though it doesn't quite reach your eyes. You walk past him into the dining room without making much eye contact, leaving him with a gnawing feeling of concern in the pit of his stomach.

San watches you go, his brows furrowing deeper with worry. He knows you well enough to sense when something is wrong, and tonight, something definitely doesn't seem right. Your usual enthusiasm and energy have been replaced by a quiet reserve that's completely out of character.

As he makes his way to the kitchen, he can't help but feel a growing unease. San has come to know that you have a tendency to keep your worries to yourself, often trying to spare others from your burdens. But tonight, it feels different, and he can't shake the feeling that you might be going through something you're not sharing.

In the kitchen, he finds Hongjoong, who's busy with some last-minute preparations for dinner. San doesn't waste any time and approaches him, his voice low and filled with concern.

"Hey, Joong, have you noticed anything strange about ____? She's been acting really off tonight."

Hongjoong, focused on his task, pauses and looks at San, his brows furrowing in response to the worried tone in San's voice.

"Off? What do you mean?"

San briefly explains how you've been unusually quiet and distant, and how your smile seems forced. Hongjoong's expression shifts from curiosity to deep concern as he listens.

"Thanks for letting me know, San," Hongjoong says, his own worry now evident. He sets down the utensils he was holding and sighs, his thoughts consumed by concern for you. "We should keep an eye on her. Maybe after dinner, we can talk to her and see if there's anything she wants to share, just in case there’s something bothering her.."

Just as they're discussing their concerns, Mingi, who had been in the hallway and overhears their conversation, joins them with a troubled expression. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but the gravity of the situation had drawn him in.

"What's going on, guys?" Mingi asks, his voice laced with worry. "Is something wrong with ____?"

San and Hongjoong exchange a glance, realising that their concerns had been overheard. Hongjoong explains the situation to Mingi, filling him in on your unusual behaviour and the sense of unease that had settled over the house.

Mingi's expression darkens with worry, as Hongjoong and San scurry to continue preparing for dinner, Mingi takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words pressing on him. He clears his throat, his voice steady but filled with concern.

"I've noticed it too," Mingi begins, his eyes darting between San and Hongjoong. “She was really quiet when we walked home today, usually she talks about her day in detail…”

Mingi’s voice trails off and Hongjoong notices he has more to say.

“What is it, Mingi?” He asks, concerned.

"I can’t help thinking about what she told us the other day, about her depression and the night up on the rooftop.”

San leans against the counter, his brow furrowed in sadness as he remembers your heart piercing words.

“I'm worried that whatever's bothering her tonight might be related to that. I hope it's nothing too serious, but... I can't help but worry if it's making her have those thoughts again.” Mingi lowers his voice and walks towards the two, “her anxiety has been really bad recently, she had an extreme anxiety attack a while ago, I thought her mind had slipped completely."

San and Hongjoong exchange glances, their worry deepening as they absorb Mingi's revelation.

Hongjoong nods, his expression determined. "We need to talk to her, then. Make sure she knows we're here for her, no matter what."

Mingi and San both agree, and their shared worry for you becomes the driving force behind their preparations for dinner. They want tonight to be an opportunity for you to open up, to share whatever is weighing on your mind, and to remind you that you're not alone in this journey. Mental health is something they take seriously, and they're ready to offer their support in any way they can.

Seonghwa, who is seated beside you, shoots you a concerned glance as he notices your quietness as you enter the room, along with your distant expression.

"Hey," he says softly, reaching out to gently touch your hand. "Is everything okay?"

You blink, snapping out of your thoughts and offer Seonghwa a faint smile. "Yeah, I'm just... thinking," you reply, your voice trailing off as you continue to wrestle with your internal turmoil.

Across from you, Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Jongho exchange worried glances, their usual lively banter subdued by the palpable tension that seems to emanate from you. They had all picked up on your unease the second you entered the room and were extremely concerned about your well-being.

Yeosang, who is sitting at the head of the table, clears his throat and speaks up, his voice gentle yet filled with genuine concern. "You've been really quiet today. Is there something on your mind?"

You glanced around the table at the faces of your roommates, each one displaying a mix of worry and care. They have been so patient and understanding, and you can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the bonds you had formed with them over time. You appreciate their concern, yet it feels almost overwhelming for them to be questioning you.

Taking a deep breath, you realise that they will likely not drop the situation until they have an answer.

"Just a busy day," you reply, attempting to brush off their concern with a forced smile. However, you know that your roommates can see right through your facade.

"You can't lie very well," Jongho's soft voice speaks up from in front of you, his eyes holding a gentle concern that's difficult to ignore. You can feel the weight of his worry pressing down on you, and it only intensifies your own anxieties.

Before you can respond, the atmosphere in the room shifts noticeably. San, Mingi, and Hongjoong enter the dining area, their faces reflecting the tension in the room. They exchange quick glances, and it's clear that the others have noticed your change in demeanour.

Wooyoung, Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Jongho keep their eyes on you, their worry palpable. They know you well enough to recognize when something is bothering you, and it's evident that your previous statement didn't satisfy their concerns. They exchange subtle glances with each other, a silent form of communication that you're all too familiar with.

You continue to insist that you're okay, not wanting your concerns to burden them. You don't want them to know about the malicious messages you've been receiving, along with the fear of not being good enough. You were on the verge of saying yes to their proposition until those messages arrived, and they've left you feeling frightened and uncertain.

Despite your attempts to reassure everyone, they keep pressing you, their genuine concern for your well-being on full display.

San leans in slightly closer, his eyes searching yours as he says, "love, we're just worried about you. You don't seem like yourself tonight."

Mingi adds, "Yeah, you're usually the one who brings the energy to the group. We hate to see you like this."

Hongjoong chimes in, "If something's bothering you, you can always talk to us. We're here for you."

Seonghwa nods in agreement, his expression soft and caring. "You don't have to carry your burdens alone, ____."

As their questions and probing looks continue, you can feel your patience wearing thin. You're caught in a whirlwind of emotions, torn between wanting to open up and fearing their reaction to your struggles. The thought of burdening them with your problems only adds to your anxiety.

Finally, you stand up, your irritation bubbling to the surface. "I said I'm fine, okay?"

Your voice is sharper than you intended, and you can see the hurt in their eyes. You immediately regret your outburst, but the pressure of the situation has become too much to bear. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to…”

Without another word, you turn and walk out of the room, the sounds of their worried whispers following you like a haunting melody.

Leaving the dining room, the tense atmosphere you've left behind still lingers in your mind. You're not sure where you're going or what you plan to do; you just need to escape the overwhelming concern of your roommates for a moment.

However, as you turn the corner towards your room, you unexpectedly bump into Yunho, who seems to be on his way out of his bedroom. His eyes immediately catch the distress on your face, and he can sense that something is wrong.

"Tiny, wait," Yunho calls out, his voice laced with worry as he takes a step towards you, trying to scan what is happening.

But you're already moving, your steps quick and determined. You can't handle the concern of another person right now, not when you're struggling to hold yourself together. With a mumbled apology, you hurriedly walk past Yunho, your heart racing with a mixture of emotions.

Yunho watches you for a moment, concern etched across his face, before realising that you're not going to stop. He knows he can't force you to talk if you're not ready, but he can't shake the feeling that something is seriously bothering you. Yunho makes his way to the dining room, his heart heavy.

Back in your room, you shut the door behind you, your heart heavy with a mixture of emotions. You're not hungry anymore, and the thoughts of the messages and your own insecurities continue to haunt you. The room feels suffocating as you wrestle with your fears, wishing you could find a way to escape them and open up to your roommates about what's truly been bothering you.

Meanwhile, in the dining room, your roommates are clearly unsettled by your abrupt departure and your obvious distress. They exchange concerned glances, their worry for you evident in their expressions.

Mingi is the first to break the silence, his voice filled with unease. "I'm assuming you all notice something is very wrong?" he asks, his brow furrowing.

Seonghwa and Wooyoung nod in agreement, both clearly affected by your behaviour.

Seonghwa speaks up, his voice soft but laced with concern. "She's been distant all day. I thought it was just stress or something, but this is different."

San clenches his fists, his frustration and guilt bubbling to the surface. "We should've noticed something was wrong. She's been dealing with something, and we didn't even realise it."

Wooyoung places a comforting hand on San's shoulder, trying to calm him down. "San, don't blame yourself. We all missed it. What's important now is figuring out what's going on and how we can help her."

Yunho chimes in, "You're right, Wooyoung. We need to support her. She's one of us, and we can't let her go through this alone."

Yeosang adds, "I agree. We think we should give her some space for now, but we can't just leave her like this."

Jongho, ever the caring and empathetic one, speaks softly, "Maybe we should send someone to talk to her. Make sure she's okay."

Hongjoong nods, considering the options. "I'll go."

Yeosang offers, "And bring her some food. She didn't eat anything, and skipping meals won't help."

With a unanimous decision to have Hongjoong talk to you, your roommates feel a mix of concern and hope. They know that Hongjoong's leadership and caring nature make him the right choice to approach you in this delicate situation.

As they continue their meal, their thoughts are with you, hoping that you'll open up to Hongjoong and that whatever is troubling you can be resolved. They also feel a sense of unity and support among themselves, knowing that they'll be there for you no matter what. Hongjoong finishes his meal quickly, determined to check on you and make sure you're okay.

In the confines of your room, tears stream down your cheeks as you huddle beneath your sheets. The weight of your emotions presses heavily on your chest, making it hard to breathe. Negative thoughts swirl in your head, each one more self-doubting and destructive than the last.

“Why did I snap like that?” You question yourself, your voice barely a whisper amidst the tears. "They're going to think I'm a burden, that I can't handle this."

You bury your face in your pillow, muffling your sobs as you contemplate the possibility that your roommates might stop liking you because of your outburst. It's a fear that gnaws at your heart, leaving you feeling vulnerable and alone.

Thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness swirl relentlessly in your mind. You replay the dinner table scene over and over, each time emphasising how you snapped and how you failed to explain what's been troubling you. The fear of being a burden gnaws at your soul, and you're convinced that your roommates must be tired of dealing with your issues.

"Why can't I just be normal?" you whisper to yourself, your voice trembling with self-recrimination. "Why can't I handle this like everyone else?"

The tears continue to flow, unabated, as you feel like you're drowning in a sea of self-criticism. You wish you could push these thoughts away, but they cling to you like a relentless storm, obscuring any glimmer of hope or positivity.

In this moment, you long for someone to rescue you from the darkness, to pull you out of this suffocating abyss of negativity. You crave understanding and acceptance, but the fear that you'll never find it keeps you locked in a cycle of despair, feeling more alone than ever.

Just as you feel like you're being swallowed whole by your negative thoughts, a faint but unmistakable knock on your door breaks through the darkness. It's a sound that pierces through the gloom like a ray of light, a glimmer of hope that someone cares enough to check on you.

With a shaky breath, you sit up in your bed, wiping away your tears as you call out, "Come in."

The door opens slowly, and Hongjoong steps into the room, his expression a mix of concern and understanding. His presence alone feels like a lifeline, something to cling to in the midst of your emotional turmoil. The moment his eyes land on your tear stained face, his heart tugs in his chest, feeling as if it dropped to his stomach.

"Hey," he says softly, his voice filled with compassion.

You swallow hard, your throat still constricted from crying, but you manage to find your voice. "I... I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. It's just... I've been feeling overwhelmed, and I didn't know how to explain it."

Hongjoong takes a step closer, his eyes filled with empathy. "Shh, you don't have to apologise. We all have our moments, and we care about you. You're not a burden, ____."

"I'm sorry, Hongjoong," you murmur, your voice heavy with emotions.

Hongjoong moves closer, his heart racing with the need to provide you with comfort. He stands before you at your bedside, hesitating for a moment before finally taking a seat beside you.

"Can I touch you?" he asks gently, his eyes filled with concern.

Looking at him, you see the glaze in his eyes. He looks nervous. You nod in response, granting him permission to offer his support.

Hongjoong takes your hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring. His heart pounds in his chest, a silent declaration that he cares deeply about your well-being.

"You don't have to apologise, ____," he says softly, his voice filled with understanding. "We're here for each other, through the good times and the bad."

Your eyes meet his, and you can see the sincerity and compassion reflected in his gaze. It's a comfort to know that you have someone who genuinely cares about your struggles.

The contrast between the authoritative and sometimes stern Hongjoong you've seen before and the gentle, comforting side he's showing now is striking. It makes your heart flutter and leaves you feeling surprisingly vulnerable.

You've always respected Hongjoong's leadership within your group of roommates. He exudes confidence and commands attention effortlessly. But seeing this softer, caring side of him makes you realise there's so much more to him than meets the eye.

As he sits beside you, offering his support and understanding, you can't help but be drawn to him more than you have felt before. His caring demeanour is like a soothing remedy for your troubled soul, and you find yourself appreciating him even more.

"I appreciate you being here," you admit, your voice quivering with emotion.

Hongjoong responds with a warm, reassuring smile, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand.

"Anytime," he reassures you.

Hongjoong continues to offer you his comforting presence, yet he notices the lingering sadness in your eyes. He can tell that there's something more troubling you, something beyond what you've shared so far.

“I would appreciate knowing what is going on. We want to help you.”

You hesitate for a moment, struggling with whether or not to open up about the malicious messages. But his sincerity and the trust you've built in this vulnerable moment encourage you to share.

"It's…” you begin to talk, yet you feel the familiar pit of anxiety forming in your chest.

Hongjoong turns towards you, his worry evident as he scans your slightly shaking body.

“It’s okay ____.”

“I want to say yes.” you say, “to be yours.”

The weight of your words settles in the air, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. Hongjoong's heart races, and the room feels charged with a new energy. Hearing you express your feelings for him so openly and sincerely is something he never expected, yet it's the most beautiful surprise he could have imagined.

His eyes lock onto yours, filled with a mixture of surprise, joy, and a deep, profound affection. He searches your gaze as if trying to read every emotion, every thought that lies beneath the surface. Yet when he sees the hurt expression on your face, he wonders what else you have to say.

“I don't know if I can.”

The moment your words leave your lips, a heavy silence settles between you and Hongjoong. His expression shifts from one of hopeful anticipation to a mixture of surprise, disappointment, and hurt. It's as if the air has been sucked out of the room, leaving behind a palpable tension.

Hongjoong tries to find his words, but his voice catches in his throat, and for a brief moment, he can't meet your gaze. He looks away, his jaw clenched as he processes your rejection.

“I… I see.” he finally manages to say, “why… is that?”

“The messages," you finally admit, your voice shaky.

Immediately Hongjoong is confused about your statement. He doesn't understand what the messages have to do with you rejecting him.

“What messages?”

You take a deep breath, your eyes welling up with tears as you try to explain. "I've been receiving some weird messages… about all of you.”

“What do you mean? What do they say?”

“Well, I only got one, but it was strange.”

You show Hongjoong the message, "have fun with my boys…" and you witness as Hongjoong's eyes narrow in recognition, and his fists clench even tighter.

It feels as if his world is crashing down on him as he pieces together the puzzle. Hongjoong's expression morphs into one of anger, his jaw tensing as he absorbs your words. The protective instinct within him flares, and he clenches his fists, visibly seething. He knows exactly who sent the messages. Despite his rising anger, he remains composed in front of you, not wanting to further burden you with his own emotions.

"It's okay, just ignore that message," Hongjoong says, and though he attempts to conceal his anger, you can sense the underlying frustration in his tone.

Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you press, "Hongjoong?"

He takes a deep breath before continuing, "Don't let other people's opinions define our relationship. It's about us and no one else."

“Hongjoong, I’m scared of starting a relationship with you guys.”

Hongjoong's expression softens as he senses your vulnerability. He places a gentle hand on your shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze.

"I understand," he replies softly. "Starting a relationship with us might seem daunting, but remember that we care about you deeply. We'll be here every step of the way, and you don't have to face anything alone. Please don't worry about what others think. It is just us in this, no one else."

His words provide you with a sense of security, and you begin to realise that you have a strong support system with the boys.

You let out a sigh, your worries spilling out. "It's just... I'm afraid I'm not good enough for you guys. You're all so amazing, and I don't want to hold you back or bring any problems into your lives." voicing your worries, a wave of self-doubt begins to wash over you.

Before you can delve further into your anxieties, Hongjoong moves with a surprising swiftness. He places a gentle hand under your chin, lifting your head to meet his eyes, effectively silencing your anxious thoughts. His touch is feather-light yet firm, a reassuring gesture that instantly grabs your attention.

A split second later, your breath catches as he leans down, his warm lips tenderly pressing against your forehead. The kiss feels like a soft promise, an unspoken reassurance that sends shivers down your spine. You're momentarily stunned by this unexpected display of affection, your heart racing in your chest.

Without any hesitation, he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. The embrace is warm, secure, and filled with an undeniable tenderness that envelopes you entirely. It's as if his arms are a sanctuary, a place where your worries and doubts can find refuge.

"My treasure," he murmurs, his voice a gentle whisper against your ear. "You are more than good enough. You're unique and special in your own way. We care about you for who you are, not for any other reason. Please don't doubt yourself. We're here because we want to be, and we'll support you through everything. We love you."

In his embrace, you find refuge and a sense of belonging that you've been longing for. The weight of your worries slowly dissipates, replaced by the comforting warmth of Hongjoong's presence and the knowledge that you are cherished just as you are.

In his embrace, you begin to feel the weight of your worries slowly dissipate, replaced by a warm sense of belonging and acceptance.

"You love me?" You pose the question, the words hanging in the air, your heart racing with a mix of hope and trepidation. Hongjoong looks at you, his expression a blend of surprise and realisation, as if he's just spoken without fully thinking through his words.

Chuckling softly, he pulls away from you, a confident and sincere look on his face.

"Yes, I do," he affirms, his voice steady and filled with genuine emotion, yet you can see he is nervous for your response.

“Hongjoong, I think I love you too.” you admit, your face flushing hot.

“Fuck ____.” Hongjoong swears through his teeth, then looks away from you. You look at him confused, your eyes wide.

“What?” You ask, confused at his reaction, scared of what he will say.

Hongjoong turns to glance back at you, his eyes meeting yours, and in that moment, he feels as if he's teetering on the edge of losing his mind and sanity.

Your wide, doe-like eyes, filled with a mix of curiosity and a hint of mischief, hold an inexplicable power over him. It's as though they can peer into the depths of his soul, unravelling the layers he's tried to keep hidden. He cannot seem to get over how adorable and innocent you look. The way your words have such an impact on him leaves his mind swirling with many thoughts.

“If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be able to hold back.”

His unexpected words leave you utterly shocked, the abruptness of the confession catching you off guard. Yet, the way they make you feel is nothing short of indescribable.

A rush of heat surges through you, starting from the tips of your fingers and toes, and spreading like wildfire throughout your body. Your cheeks flush as a wave of flustered embarrassment washes over you.

But beneath the shock and embarrassment, a more primal, intoxicating sensation takes hold. You feel an undeniable surge of desire, a raw, visceral attraction that courses through your veins. Your heart races in response to the unexpected intensity of the moment. Hongjoong's words have an electrifying effect on you, leaving you in a state of arousal that you can't quite ignore. It's as if the room has suddenly grown hotter, and every inch of your skin tingles with a newfound awareness of his presence.

In this moment of vulnerability and desire, you find yourself torn between your instincts and your rationality. His confession has unleashed a torrent of emotions that you never expected to confront, and the magnetic pull between you and Hongjoong is impossible to deny.

“Hongjoong,” you whisper, your fingertips on fire as you play with your clothes.

“We should discuss the relationship with the boys when you are ready with your answer.” Hongjoong says, quickly, trying to ignore the way his heart is pounding in his chest.

Suddenly, a profound realisation washes over you: there is seemingly nothing in this world capable of undermining the unbreakable bond you share with the boys. After years of yearning for one another's company, you are now reunited, and it feels as though no external influence could ever drive a wedge between you. While you are fully aware that maintaining relationships can be challenging, with the boys, it all seems effortless. There's a natural understanding between you, a deep knowledge of each other that makes everything feel remarkably smooth and naturally occurring.

Amidst your personal struggles with mental health, a lingering concern lingers in your mind; the worry that these challenges might adversely affect your relationship. However, the boys have consistently demonstrated their unwavering support, proving time and again that they not only embrace your struggles but are also somewhat professional at navigating such turbulent waters. Their understanding and expertise in handling these issues have become a reassuring pillar of strength, reinforcing the belief that your bond can withstand any storm that life may throw your way.

“I want to say yes.”

Hongjoong's eyes, once covered with nervousness, now lit up with an intensity you had never seen before. It was as if a constellation of stars had suddenly burst into existence within his gaze, filling the room with their luminous glow.

“Come, we need to talk to the boys.”

Hongjoong's touch was gentle as he clasped your hand, coaxing you off the bed. You yielded to his pull, your feet finding the floor. But there was something lingering, something unsaid that held you back. You tugged him slightly, your grip on his hand urging him to pause. Confusion knit his brows, and his concern was palpable in his searching gaze.

“You don't have to hold back.” you whisper, with some fear as to his reaction, yet you start to feel confident upon seeing Hongjoong’s flustered state.

"Doll," Hongjoong whispers, his voice a seductive murmur as he closed the distance between you. His desire was evident in the way his eyes smouldered with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. His words hung in the air, thick with promise, and they caught you off guard.

"Let's talk to the boys," he continued, his tone laced with anticipation, "and when the time is right, I’ll show you everything I have been waiting to do for years.”

The boldness of his statement sends a rush of arousal coursing through your body. It is as if a dormant fire had been ignited, and your heart races at the thought of what awaits. The anticipation of sharing your desires and fantasies with him, of finally giving in to the passion that had simmered between you for so long, leaves you breathless with longing.

“Let’s go.”

Hongjoong walks behind you as you step back into the kitchen where your roommates' eyes immediately turn toward you. There's a mix of relief and concern in their expressions, like they've been holding their breath until your return.

Wooyoung, who's drying dishes with Yeosang, flashes a warm smile your way, but his eyes are filled with concern. Seonghwa and Yunho, chatting at the counter, both turn towards you with wide smiles on their faces, but their gazes are searching, trying to read your mood. Mingi, Jongho, and San, who are seated at the island, exchange subtle glances, and it's clear they've been discussing something among themselves.

It's like a silent symphony of emotions playing out in their eyes, and you can sense their collective concern hanging in the air. You take a deep breath, realising that it's time to address the situation, to clear the air and let them in on your feelings, just as you've allowed Hongjoong to do. Before you can speak, they collectively pause what they're doing, waiting for you to make the first move, to share your thoughts and feelings.

“I’m sorry guys, for rushing out like that…” You begin to say, yet before you can continue, a chorus of ‘It’s okay’ and ‘don't worry’s sound out, filling you with an intense feeling of gratitude.

"I, uh, wanted to say something," you begin, your voice carrying a mix of nervousness and anticipation. The room falls into a hushed silence, all eyes fixed on you, their expressions a blend of curiosity and affection.

Taking a deep breath, you look towards Hongjoong, who gives you a reassuring nod, making you feel more confident as you continue, "I've thought about this a lot, and I want you all to know how special you are to me. I think we should give it a try."

Around you, the boys freeze in their tracks, their expressions shifting from disbelief to sheer elation. Your words land in their hearts like a gentle caress, and the impact was profound. It was as if a wave of pure joy had washed over them, leaving them floating in a sea of happiness. Their faces light up with radiant smiles, their eyes sparkling with unshed tears of joy. The room seemed to shimmer with an aura of warmth and contentment that only your words could bring.

Seonghwa, the embodiment of tenderness, takes a step closer, his voice filled with emotion. "You have no idea how much those words mean to us," he admits, his eyes glistening.

San, who had dreamt of this moment for years, is overwhelmed with gratitude. "I can’t believe this is happening," he said, his voice trembling with sincerity.

Yunho, the eternal optimist, can’t stop grinning. "This feels way better than I imagined!" he exclaimed under his breath, yet you manage to catch it, causing your heart to race even more than it already was.

Jongho, the pillar of strength, looks at you with profound appreciation. "Thank you for choosing us," he says, his voice steady with emotion.

Yeosang, usually reserved, couldn't help but express his delight. "I've been waiting for this for so long," he admitted, his eyes shining.

Mingi and Wooyoung, the jokers of the group, let out joyful laughs, not being able to speak any words, their happiness immeasurable.

Hongjoong, whose emotions were always close to the surface, openly shares his feelings. "I can't express how happy I am right now," he confesses, his voice quivering with emotion.

They surround you, their words and expressions convey the depth of their joy. It feels like a moment of pure happiness, a shared understanding that something beautiful is beginning. With hearts full of love and excitement, you know that your journey with these incredible individuals was just starting, and it was going to be an extraordinary adventure filled with love, passion, and unforgettable moments.

“Boys, back up a little,” Hongjoong speaks out, his usual tone of authority present once more as he realises all eight of them huddled around you, making you feel slightly vulnerable.

The seven boys gathered around you pick up on your tenseness. It wasn't that you minded their presence in your personal space; in fact, their company was something you cherished. It was the attention focused solely on you that made you feel a bit small, like the centre of the universe in that moment.

San, always attuned to your feelings, senses your unease. He takes a step back with the others and speaks gently, "Hey, we're here because we care about you, but we don't want you to feel overwhelmed. We can take things at your pace."

Thankfully, nobody seemed to mind your tenseness, realising the reasoning for it.

“So how is this going to work?” You manage to ask, not quite sure as to how a relationship with nine people is going to work out.

Sitting down at your usual place at the table, you notice the boys rush to their own seats also.

“It's just like a normal relationship really.” Hongjoong answers your question as he takes a seat down in front of you.

“Just there’s a lot of love going around, I suppose.” Jongho adds, “it’s not too different to a monogamous relationship.”

“You probably will go on a lot of dates,” Seonghwa jokes, chuckling gently.

“And receive lots of affection,” Yeosang says quietly from his seat, and you can’t help but notice the blush covering his face.

“But like every relationship, you are allowed to say no to us, in any way. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't be scared to let us know. We would hate to ever make you uncomfortable or upset.” Yunho says, a reassuring smile on his face, yet you can tell his words are important to him and the others around him, as they nod and agree to Yunho.

“If you have any questions don't feel scared to ask, but remember, this isn't a contract, it's a relationship, just go with the flow. You can do whatever you would like, and… leave whenever you want.” Hongjoong says, his words slightly sorrow, which you are quick to reassure him.

“We don't need to think of that now, I’m not planning on leaving any time soon.” You quickly say, not wanting to see the hurt expression on Hongjoong’s face any longer.

Little did you know, your short but heartfelt statement brought joy not only to Hongjoong but to all eight men surrounding you. Their smiles grew wider, and their eyes shimmered with happiness as they soaked in your words.

“Like most relationships though,” Hongjoong begins, catching everyone’s attention, “although there are eight of us, not that I think you would ever even think of it, you can't be with anyone outside of this group. I want you to fully understand that.”

“Of course, I’m in a relationship with you eight, not anyone else and I think cheating is for sore losers who aren't happy with their partners but can't find the guts to break up with them because they are scared of losing the only person who cares about them in their lives.” You quickly cut off your rant, upon seeing the confused, yet agreeing expressions on the men around you.

"Damn girl, did someone hurt you?" Wooyoung playfully says, his tone light and teasing. But as soon as the words leave his mouth, a sense of realisation strikes him like a bolt of lightning as he sees your slightly hurt expression and his heart twangs with guilt. It wasn't just a casual remark; someone had, indeed, broken your trust, and the implications of that hit all the men around you like a ton of bricks.

Wooyoung’s playful expression shifts to one of concern and protectiveness in an instant. His eyes darken with a mix of anger and empathy as he realises that you have experienced pain and betrayal.

The other members, too, sense your change in behaviour . They exchange glances, silently communicating their readiness to support you.

San, who is observing you very intently, caught on to the change in your demeanour. He leans closer, his face reflecting his own concern. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks gently, his voice filled with genuine worry.

“It was a while ago, I'm rather glad it was a short lived relationship, he turned out to be such a dick.”

“Does he go to our school?” Yunho asks, his eyes narrowed in some form of mixture of jealousy and anger.

“I am not going to answer that question.” You chuckle, “but don't worry about anything, I only have eyes for you guys now. It was one of my first relationships anyways, so I’m still quite new to the whole affection thing.”

"Just how experienced are you?" Wooyoung can't resist teasing, a mischievous glint in his eye and a playful smirk on his face as he witnesses your flustered state.

San, standing beside Wooyoung, couldn't help but chuckle at the teasing. He playfully slaps Wooyoung on the back of the head, a gentle reprimand for his impulsive curiosity. However, it was evident that San, too, was curious about your past relationships.

The other members exchange knowing glances, their expressions a mix of amusement and interest. They were already accustomed to each other's past experiences, and your life is now intricately entwined with theirs, they can’t help but wonder how far you have gone into a relationship with someone. Naturally, they are curious about your past and the experiences that have shaped you.

It takes you a second to regain your composure, and you realise you could make some fun out of it while you're here.

"Well, let's just say, I know what I like and what I want to try," you reply with a clearly suggestive undertone, a playful glint in your eye. Your words hang in the air, and it does not go unnoticed by the men surrounding you. Their eyes darken with desire as they absorb the implications of your statement. You hear a few sharp intakes of breath from around you, and you can't quite believe how much your words impacted the males around you.

In this moment, a tangible tension fills the room, the air crackling with unspoken desires and fantasies. Each of them felt a surge of longing, their own desires awakening in response to your sudden openness.

Hongjoong's usually composed demeanour wavers for a brief moment, his restraint tested by the allure of your words. Along with your words in the bedroom earlier, it seems like a potent mix that you are almost teasing him with.

San's eyes gleam with a playful challenge, as if he is ready to explore those desires with you. Desperately wanting to find the time with you to show you everything he’s been dreaming of for years.

Yunho feels a rush of heat, his thoughts consumed by the possibilities your words hold. The kiss you two shared reaches the front of his mind and he has a hard time hiding his excitement as he imagines what would happen if, next time, you don't stop.

Yeosang's usual calm exterior betrays a hint of excitement, a silent acknowledgment of the passionate connection that has been ignited.

Mingi's playful grin hints at his willingness to partake in such adventures. Wooyoung's creative mind is already racing with ideas of how to indulge in your fantasies.

Jongho, although rather inexperienced himself, finds himself wanting to explore his own desires alongside you.

Seonghwa's dark gaze locks onto yours, his expression a mix of intensity and anticipation, his sultry gaze causing butterflies to rush through your stomach, his lustful look making your heart beat rise.

In that charged moment, you were the epicentre of their desires, your words kindling a fire within each of them. It was a shared understanding that there were unexplored realms of passion waiting to be discovered, and they were eager to embark on that journey with you.

The room seemed to shrink as their longing gazes remained fixed on you, a silent invitation to explore the depths of desire and pleasure together. It was a promise of intimate moments yet to come, a tantalising glimpse into a future filled with passion and connection.

It is Yeosang’s voice who breaks the silence, although it is shaky, he holds some sort of power as he speaks, his brow raising slightly, “and what would those be?”

Feeling awfully in control of the situation makes you feel somewhat powerful. With a cheeky grin, you raised your eyebrows in response to Yeosang's curiosity.

"I guess you'll have to find out," you teased, your tone laced with playful mystery.

Your words hung in the air like a tantalising promise, and they didn't go unnoticed by the men around you. Arousal simmered beneath the surface, and each of them found their thoughts running wild, their desires ignited by the prospect of discovering the depths of your desires.

“Holy shit,” you hear San groan under his breath, avoiding your gaze.

With a mischievous giggle, you gracefully rise from your seat, a sense of satisfaction in the air. Playfully, you send a wink in their direction, a silent promise of more exciting moments to come.

“I’m going to get ready for bed,” you say. With a playful skip in your step, you make your way to the confines of your bedroom, leaving the men behind, their thoughts still simmering with desire.

Disappearing into your room, you can’t help but feel a rush of excitement and anticipation. The playful banter had ignited a passionate spark among you all, and the possibilities for the future seemed endless. You knew that the intimate adventures awaiting you would be filled with desire, pleasure, and a deep connection that bound you together.

Wooyoung and Mingi quickly rush to stand, wanting to follow you into the confines of your room, to see exactly what you meant by your suggestive words. Seonghwa and Yunho shuffle in their seats, restless, also wishing to follow you to your bedroom. Yeosang, and San share a knowing glance, their faces both a deep shade of red. San chuckles to himself, clearly affected by your words, yet he finds the humour in your playful teasing, bringing a smile to his face.

Just as Wooyoung is about to make a dash for the exit, Hongjoong's voice cuts through the air, stern and authoritative. Without even sparing a glance at the two behind him, he asks them to sit down. His commanding tone brings both Mingi and Wooyoung to an abrupt halt, and they immediately sense the underlying seriousness in Hongjoong's demand.

Once again, Hongjoong's leadership qualities are not to be underestimated, and the weight of his words hung in the air, stopping any hasty actions in their tracks. His stern demeanour makes it clear that there was something important he wishes to address, and it has the full attention of those present. Mingi and Wooyoung exchange a quick glance, silently acknowledging the gravity of the situation.

“What is it, Joong?” Seonghwa asks, his concern showing as he sees the furrowed expression on Hongjoong’s expression.

"I didn't want to bring the mood down, we should be happy right now," Hongjoong began, his voice filled with a hint of frustration. He runs a hand through his hair, a sign of his unease, before continuing, "I think Ryu knows about ___."

Mingi's reaction was immediate, and he couldn't contain his shock and anger. "What the fuck?" he exclaims, his eyebrows furrowing deeply.

The collective mood among all the men took a nosedive, plunging from happiness into a pit of uncertainty and concern.

San, always ready to protect and defend, stands up from his seat, his initial confusion giving way to anger. "What? What makes you think that?" he demands, his voice laced with frustration.

Hongjoong's revelation had thrown a dark shadow over the previously joyful atmosphere, and now, questions and fears raced through their minds. Gently Yeosang grabs San’s hand, momentarily calming his anger, although Yeosang himself feels as if he is seeing red.

“When I went to check on her, among other things, she told me the reason she was upset was because she received a message from someone.”

“What, from who?” Yeosang questions, his voice slightly sharper than usual, it does not go unnoticed by the seven around him.

“You can make a guess…” Hongjoong replies, looking down at his fingers which are picking a piece of dead skin on his nail.

“Are you sure it is from her?” Seonghwa begins, his hand resting on Hongjoong’s hand, stopping him from the bad habit of picking skin.

“In the message was the heart, with the eight, I’ve only ever seen her use that.”

“That’s her then.” Yunho says, his teeth gritted, looking forward to nothing in particular.

The tension in the room escalates as the seven men around Yunho struggle to process this unexpected revelation. The mere mention of Ryu's involvement casts a dark cloud over the previously uplifted atmosphere.

The unknown intentions of Ryu gnaw at their minds, leaving them feeling uneasy and apprehensive. While they had been able to protect you from Ryu's potential interference within the confines of their home, this new development has thrown a wrench into their plans. Things had suddenly become far more complicated than they had ever imagined.

Each of them wore expressions of concern, their thoughts racing as they contemplated the potential implications of Ryu's knowledge. The unspoken question hung heavily in the air: What was Ryu planning, and how would it affect you?

“Should we have waited until we knew Ryu was gone before we started our advances on ____?” Mingi questions, more to himself than to anyone else.

“It’s our relationship, another person shouldn't have a say in what we can and can't do with our girlfriend.” Jongho exclaims, his fists tightening in his lap.

"I get what you're saying, Jongho," Wooyoung exclaimed in response to Jongho's statement. He can empathise with Jongho's concerns, but he couldn't entirely agree with his viewpoint.

The situation was undeniably complex, and their protective instincts were at odds with the desire to see you happy and free from any past entanglements. It was a delicate balance they had to strike, and finding a resolution that would ensure your well-being while allowing you to pursue happiness was a challenge.

Wooyoung's voice holds a note of understanding as he continues, "But we can't just ignore this, can we? If Ryu does something, it means our guard might not be enough. We need to figure out what's going on and how it might affect ___." His concern for your safety was evident in his words, and he is determined to address the issue head-on.

Hongjoong's voice is contemplative as he speaks, his eyes reflecting his own internal analysis. "You're right," he admits, addressing the group. "We were excited when she forgave us, so we let our guard down."

The admission hung in the air, a collective acknowledgment that their happiness had, in a way, overshadowed the need for continued vigilance. It was a humbling realisation that their happiness with you had momentarily clouded their judgement.

Hongjoong continues, his tone firm and determined, "But that doesn't mean we can't rectify it. We need to be cautious, not just for our sake but for hers too. We won't let Ryu's presence threaten ___ or our relationship."

His words carry a sense of resolve, and it is clear that Hongjoong is committed to protecting you and ensuring that nothing would jeopardise the bond you had all worked so hard to rebuild.

The weight of Hongjoong's determination and leadership settles in the room, and the tension among the boys seems to ease slightly. There was a shared understanding among them that when Hongjoong took charge of a situation, there was little need to worry.

Hongjoong's ability to provide guidance and assert control over challenging circumstances is a source of comfort and reassurance for the group. His leadership has always played a crucial role in navigating the complexities of their relationships and disagreements in the past and the trust that he will ensure your safety and happiness.

In that moment, their trust in their captain’s abilities becomes a source of strength, a reminder that they are a unified front ready to face any challenges that come their way. The collective determination to protect you and preserve the chemistry you have found together was unwavering, and they knew that, under Hongjoong's guidance, they can face whatever lies ahead.

“Do you have any idea what she might want?” Yeosang asks gently after a few moments of reflective silence.

The seven men turned their collective gaze to Hongjoong, who had a deep furrow in his brow as he spoke. "She said that we are 'her boys,' not ___'s," he explains, his voice tinged with concern. He raises a hand to gently massage his temples, a sign of the weight of the situation.

Mingi's reaction is immediate and passionate. "That's insane! She was the one who hurt us. How could she possibly think that we belong to her?" His voice rises with anger and frustration.

San tries to diffuse the situation. "Calm down, Mingi. We don't want ___ to know what's happening." He emphasises the importance of keeping you in the dark for the time being.

Wooyoung, however, is torn. "That's stupid? ___ should know what's going on," he exclaims, his concern for your well-being outweighing his desire to keep you unaware of the situation.

The room is filled with conflicting emotions and opinions as they grapple with the complex web of feelings and loyalties surrounding Ryu's unexpected return and her claim over them.

Hongjoong's voice remains steady as he reasons with the boys, his calm demeanour a contrast to the escalating tension in the room. "If the situation escalates, we will tell her," he asserts firmly, emphasising the need for caution and measured responses.

While his decision received some negative reactions from the others, Hongjoong stood his ground, resolute in his determination to prioritise your safety and well-being. He understood the gravity of the situation and believed that, for the time being, it was best to shield you from unnecessary worries. It was a difficult decision, but he believed it was the right one to make.

"Try to focus on the positives right now, boys," Hongjoong encourages, his voice carrying a note of reassurance, "___ is finally ours. Let's lighten up a little."

Hongjoong's attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t go unnoticed. He speaks with a gentle tone and tries to muster a warm smile, which some of the boys returned more easily than others. Despite the lingering concerns and unease, there is a shared understanding among them.

His words are a reminder of the joy and happiness that have come with your forgiveness and acceptance. While the challenges they face are significant, the boys share a deep sense of happiness knowing that you were officially a part of their lives.

Amidst the uncertainties, their bond with you remained a source of strength, and they are determined to cherish the positive moments and continue building a future together.

----

⇢ taglist: @lilactangerine @plutoneu @abby-grace @sunkissed725 @lixiel0ver @acciocriativity @hyukssunflower @sunukissed @khjcoo @stopeatread @meginthebuilding27 @mychickentendou @sunnyhokyu @rxnexxi @croa-yevon @arabelleum @randomness7198 @dysftopia @lucymultistan @sookacc @starillusion13 @daceydeath @theamazinggrace-000 @smilingtokki @hasgalore @pytssamworld @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan @satsuri3su @theonesoldtoonedirection @wooya1224 @deadpoetsandhoney @skztrophy @kunhengie @tinyelfperson @l0vetiny @simplyalfie @doggopepper @seungily @dino-teezerr @silentcry329 @formulateez @senpai-of-doom @aaaaajonghooooo @ijwsbdinp @liniiiaa @channiespup @heyitstacy @eightmakesonebraincell @araknoid @lilbugs-things

im sorry to say but the taglist is closed from now onwards.

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primrosebow · 28 days

Text

Idea I had

_--> Vox x reader //

!content warnings!: nsfw, vox is a warning of his own right

This is so goofy ya'll.......

He watches you through the cameras, he sees your every movement: every yawn from absolutely mind-numbingly boring paperwork, every sip of whatever drink you got to try and keep yourself awake, every flick you give to a page to try and make sense of the words after they start to scramble toguether in your mind... he.. felt a familiar pride rise in him as he noticed you do that last one in particular.

Vox... tries to be confident. Were it not annoying, you'd probably commend his commitment to "the bit" (that "bit" being his dominant act). His cold and controlled demeanor carefully stringed toguether by him holds up as well as a sugar cube in tea when he tries to still somehow hold it up even when you are mixed into the situation.

He had been observing you for quite the substantial ammount of time. In your bedroom. In your house. Through your electronics, your every move was permanently etched into his mind so he could look back at it during those times where the strain in his pants got far too uncomfortable to bare- he's getting sidetracked- (probably because that is the exact situation he is in right now) what brought him pride was the way you'd watch his shows with rapt attention, the way you'd talk of him so fondly to your friends, the way he was taking sleep away from you because of how in love you are with him! (Yes, his delusions do run that deep. Whatever it takes not to crush that fragile ego he has, I suppose.) Because you were anxious to be around him because you were flustered, of course, (because he is the equivalent of a ticking bomb except you never know when it's going to explode. But, whatever helps him sleep at night) and it definetly gets to you when you're trying to sleep, and THAT'S why you're so tired (the unshakable feeling of being watched at night doesn't exactly allow for much sleeping.).

And he calls you up to his office, having planned out everything down to his tone of voice. Down to the precise words he would say. His woven persona built with love for what he thinks is what you find attractive laid in front of you as you look at him mildly shocked, but weirdly unimpressed. While of course Vox would do something like this, there is also the "what the hell? What has gotten into him?" Aspect that can't seem to answer itself in your head.

Your silence and furrowed brows as you look at him don't inspire the same confidence he started with. The words that came from you next weren't the kindest, but they made the fuzzy feeling in his brain grow further. Your expression that went from mild surprise to a sly, malicious smile had him reeling- this- isn't going as planned-

"W-Well! Do something about it!" He exclaims after some moments of bickering between the two of you. His voice is slightly glitched out and his screen shows an occasional error message, but, despite that shameful display of vulnerability and lack of control over his emotions, you quickly grabbed onto his thigh and slowly brought it further up so you could get into a more comfortable position yourself. Your willingness to do this made the screaming voices of self deprication get quickly replaced by his unchecked ego. He felt like the most powerful man to have ever walked this earth.

You look at him again as you reach out to touch where he needed it most- and it was better than anything he could have hoped for. It made his entire body jolt as he finally got the reward he's been desiring for ages-

But he can't ever let things just be good the way they are without interfering in it unnecessarily. His resolve was breaking but he couldn't even tell, his screen brightened noticeably as even more glitches were escaping onto it along with a vague noise like building pressure in a lightbulb that was very hard to ignore. It was in the middle of that where he decided that this was a perfectly good moment to establish his dominance (which he hadn't noticed he was barely grasping at) and degrade you.

"You slu-" his voice is suddently cut off by a seeming "system default" one which overcame your senses with the message "[Error 404: "dominance" not found]"

You wanted to laugh-

This is just too perfect.

Your grin widens as he stumbles over an attempt to make up an excuse for what you just witnessed- though he is quickly cut off by you sliding your finger over the leaking tip of his dick.

Your turn.

// //

Goofy recreation of the last scene WHWHEHEHE

I had so much fun with this.

@bigfatbimbo as you accepted being tagged in my every post... and because it's vox

I had a blast with this. Not proof read. Not proof anything I'm just word vomiting. It is nearly 4am

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel vox #vox x reader #hazbin vox

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obey-me-disaster · 1 year

Text

You're the one who should live

A/N: I am going through a terrible writer's block for a post so I decided to write about one of my older brainrots. !!This will contain spoilers for lesson 38!!

MC pointing the blade at themself when they had a choice to not point it at anyone all together makes for some fun implications

Warnings: mentions of death, MC contemplating killing themself, self depricating/low self esteem on MC's part.

Summary: After the night dagger incident Lucifer decides to confront MC about their choice in pointing the blade at themself and not at him.

Lucifer x gn!MC

Since the incident with the night dagger there has been something that weighed heavily on Lucifer's mind and that is 'why did MC pointed the night dagger at themself?'. He still has the image of the blade nearly stabbing their stomach, he could still feel how their hands slipped from his, with the knife being pointed at them. Just thinking of what would have happen if Simeon was even one second later sends shivers down his spine.

He went into their room that night to sacrifice himself and give everyone a chance to severe The Ring only to end up nearly losing the one he loves the most.

And that's what brought him back into their room, a few days later after the incident. He would have loved to confront them about their choice to sacrifice themself sooner, but he wanted to give them time to get used to the ring of light. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Not wanting to think about it any longer he decided to knock on their door and get it over with. It was not long before MC opened the door for him. From the look on their face, they didn't expect for Lucifer to be on the other side of the door. It was rare for the avatar of pride to come into their room unannounced, especially since he would usually opt to call MC into his room.

"Lucifer, did something happen? You're not one to really come into my room out of nowhere, not that I mind anyway." MC moved away to let Lucifer enter their room and closing the door behind him.

"Is that weird for me to want to spend time with you? I don't have to always invite you over to my room to be with you." Taking a seat at the table in their room he motioned for them to take a sit right next to him. "But, I guess you are right, I do have something that I need to talk with you."

Making their way to the table, MC took a seat right next to him. Whenever Lucifer had something to talk it was never good. It didn't help that the demon's expression was unreadable, he was neither happy or mad. It was like he was waiting for something to happen, something to react to.

Both of them were on the edge, the silence was too loud and no matter how much they kept on shifting in their seats, they couldn't make themselves comfortable.

"I will get straight to the subject, why did you point the blade at yourself when I told you to use it on me?" MC's whole body went stiff at the mention of the incident.

They were not surprised that Lucifer wanted answers, after all, what they did was reckless and in his eyes, their decision was nothing more than a spur of the moment decision. It just that they weren't expecting to talk about it so soon, especially in their room. They thought they had more time to think about what to tell him.

"Do you really have to ask me why I didn't want to kill you? The same way you want to protect I want to keep you safe and stabbing you is the opposite of that." MC internally slapped themself at how nervous they sounded. They looked expectedly at Lucifer, trying to see if his expression changed somehow but all he did was close his eyes. He looked as if he was contemplating the next move.

"That's not exactly what I asked you, but I suppose the fault lies with me since I was not specific enough." Getting up from his seat he moved to stay in front of MC, towering over them. "Why did you point the blade at yourself? If all you wanted to do was to not kill me then you could have used your pact to make me stay, throw away the knife and refuse to use but instead you chose to point it at yourself, why?"

If MC could be described as something, then it would be a deer caught in headlights. The air around them was suffocating despite Lucifer doing nothing but question them. Taking a slow deep breath they begun to explain themself "I mean, I don't really know?" Lucifer only raised an eyebrow at them but didn't dare to interrupt.

"Wait no...what I meant to say is that I don't know how to explain it. I just saw you guiding my hands into stabbing you and I acted out of reflex. I didn't even realize that I nearly killed myself in the process." It was bullshit, the excuse was bullshit and they knew it, Lucifer knew and MC was sure that Lucifer knew how fake the excuse was.

They were expecting Lucifer to continue pressing them for the truth, to directly call them out on their lie but he did neither of those things. He knelt down before, taking their hands into his. His expression was no longer unreadable and it was not full of annoyance at being being lied to either. Instead he looked tired, even sad if MC paid close attention to him.

"MC, don't lie to me, especially with such a lame excuse." Sighing, he started to gently run his thumbs over MC's hands. "I remember everything that happened during the time I had amnesia. That includes the night dagger incident and the look on your face when you switch the blade from pointing in my direction to yours."

His speech was soft, no longer did he resembled the Avatar of Pride, all powerful and intimidating. He just looked like someone worried about his lover and that's because he was. His love nearly killed themself in front of him and he wanted answers on why. "That was not the face of someone acting out on pure instinct. To some extent, you planned to use the blade on yourself so I will ask you again." He took a moment to look at MC before continuing. "Why did you point the blade at yourself?" Seeing Lucifer in that state nearly made MC burst into tears. It felt just like the moment where he collapsed and woke up with no memories of them.

"You see, when Diavolo and Solomon announced that the power within me is the cause of both your amnesia and the weird happenings around the three worlds I didn't know what to make of it at first. It only got worse when they said there were only two ways of stopping it, the night dagger and the ring of light." Looking at the ring on their MC continued to talk. "No one knew where the ring was at the moment, severing the pacts wouldn't stop my powers from going wild and possibly hurting those around me and we weren't sure if the night dagger would even work."

Seeing MC starting to tense, Lucifer squeezed their hands as a way to comfort them. "So I came to the conclusion that if things went south I would simply kill myself, that way The Ring would die out with me." Hearing them talk about killing themself broke his heart but he didn't interrupt them, after all they needed to let out this burden they have been carrying.

"When Solomon told me that the dagger would only work if I would stab you with it, that's when I made up my mind to follow my plan. After all, I couldn't possibly bring myself to kill you..." Despite stopping from talking, it was clear they still had something to say.

Bringing a gloved hand to their face, Lucifer stroked their cheek. "There is more to it, am I right? It won't do you good to keep secrets like that..." He was aware that he sounded like a hypocrite but he could care less. There was something eating MC from the inside and he would not let them continue on like that.

"There is also what Solomon said l, about 'sacrificing a demon for the sake of the human world'...if that was the case wouldn't I be the better choice. Outside of feelings and only looking at ranks, I am only a human that in a few decades would be gone while you're a ruler of the underworld and Diavolo's right hand man. If someone were to die it should have been me-"

"ENOUGH!" The hand that was gently caressing their cheek was now covering their mouth. "I will not have you downplay yourself in any shape or form. You talk about 'leaving feelings aside' but you talk from a place of low self esteem." Lucifer was angry but not at them. He was furious at the way they looked down on themself and with the fact that he never noticed this side of them.

He wanted to say more but one look at MC and he could see how tired they were and honestly, he was in no good shape either. "It's getting, both of us should get some rest. We will continue this conversation another time." Getting up from the floor he extended his hand to MC.

"You're right, it's quite late and you still have to go to your room." MC tried to go and open the door for him but was stopped by the demon holding their hand. "Why should I go to my room? Didn't I say earlier? I don't always have to invite you over to my room, I can spend the night here with you too."

Putting a hand on the small of their back Lucifer started to guide towards the bed. "Besides, I would not dare to leave you alone when you're like this. You've already done so much for everyone, allow me to return the favor."

#obey me lucifer #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x mc #mc has a shit self esteem #but so do I #I'VE HAD THIS SCENARIO IN MY HEAD FOR MONTHS #more than an year actually #in my mind there was more anger between MC and Lucifer but soft Luci is also nice

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warmilksz · 1 year

Text

😩How would they confess to you? 😳

Hello everyone it's been a while, I'm almost done with college 😁🎓 I can't wait to get out ong.

Anyway 😜 I hope this reading brightens your day, even if it's a little bit❤️

**just a disclaimer: take what resonates and leave what doesn't for others. Go with the flowwwww It's a general reading (⁠~⁠￣⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠~**

Centering: if needed before selecting a pile close your eyes and inhale for 4 seconds. Hold whatever is on your mind. When ready, release the thoughts for 6 seconds. Repeat as needed and select the pile that calls to you 💕

1. I'm getting for this pile they would be hesitant to tell you but only because they seem so shy when it comes to their romantic feelings ( aww so cute🥺 ) You drive them crazy with your energy and u don't even realize how much of an effect you have on them and that just makes them more interested lol. You light up this person's world like dynamite 🧨. I feel so happy typing this lol I think that's their energy with you and they are ecstatic just to be in your presence but they may play it cool on the surface. So once this shy person works up the courage to show their honest feelings, They would probably approach you when you are in a nice mood and alone. To make sure it's just you two. For example, if you really like art, they would catch you while you were working on a fun project. Then all the excitement they feel for you will come up and manifest as stuttering and they may get really sweaty from the nervousness. idk why I'm saying this but cut this softie some slack pile 1 😭 ( are u a bully to them?😭)

2. Hmm this pile feels more solem than pile 1. Alot more serious this time. This person would show signs and u might get a feeling about their confession be fore they even tell you (😳) You may catch them staring at you lost in thought in the middle of a conversation or during a lecture or something similar. If you call them out they would be like " oh it's nothing" and pretend it didn't happen. Don't worry, this is just them sorting out their feelings so that when they confess they will be 100% sure about how they feel. They will think about their words and even when and where to tell you, they'll plan it all out. They seem like a serious person and they want to be sure about the person they like because they love hard and don't want to be hurt again ( aww 🤕) . The image I'm getting When it's time to confess is that they will want a private setting and be really close to you, they will maybe hold your hands and tell you that they like you and why.

3. For this pile, this person is confident. Don't get me wrong they are human lol so They have the normal nervousness that comes with confessing but they hide it well! Beneath the surface they worry you won't be impressed with them so they may put on a facade. In order to have you they will risk their pride and will fake it till they make it! They will be sure they like you when they confess and that they can be the person you want/desire in more ways than one (whoa 😳 ...) This person will do their best to sell themselves when they confess to convince you to give em a chance. They may mention how they can take you shopping, drive you around in fancy cars and can make you yell their name if u catch my drift (they want you bad 🤭) if you were to reject them they would have a "whatever, idc" vibe Infront of you and then cry when they are alone😭 It's interesting because they appear kinda desperate for you but also as if they dont care if u reject them, but we know that's just a front 🤭. 4. Whoa this person is kinda funny lol. They might joke a a lot with you and you will already know this person when they confess. They feel familiar like a friend, this my friends to lovers pile 😉.They probably the type to send you random memes during the day. In any case they may be self-depricating tho 😭. Kinda like pile 1 they will be nervous but they are also scared of your reply because you guys will be close friends when they confess. But they seem to be determined to let you know so they are gonna stick it out till the end (gots to see it thru ma boy) They will approach you as if they are just trying to hangout with you and then after buttering you up with a few jokes they will drop the fact that they like you . If they are really playful it can probably come off as a joke and you may have to pry (I see you asking them "what do you mean by **insert flirtatious joke here**"🕵️‍♀️) to get them to clearly say "I like you"😭. Thanks for reading

#pick a pile #future spouse #future spouse pick a card #pick a picture #anime #intuitive readings #love reading #pick a card #pick an image reading #tarot community #tarot #peach girl

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thenotsoholyspirit · 4 months

Text

Holding

Matt murdock x reader (angst)

Summary: "Maybe, after all, my insecurities were right"

(Note: This is my first little writing idea. I hope you like it as I'll try my best to test some more ❤️✨️. Also, a bit of a warning for some self depricating thoughts)

☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡

Another night.

Another night of longingly looking at the window.

I sigh as I look by the curtains of the living room, only being able to wonder where he could've gone. Even at night, I'm used to leaving them open to see if his coming. It's so late, I can already dicern a lighter tone of blue in the sky.

"Where are you, Matt?"

It was true that this last month have mostly been made of bickering and side comments. Me complaining about our lack of time and him of my lack of understanding.

Now, our routine is one of him disappearing at dusk only to come back the next morning without a single word. Barely having some time to grab a bite and put his lawyer suit on.

Not a kiss, not a soft touch, not a single loving word.

I still need you

Suddenly, I hear a noise by the window. I immediately recognize the sound of limping steps and a breathless voice. Matt was injured. Something that I've learned living with the devil of Hell kitchen himself is to recognize even the smallest of details. My abilities were far from the super sensed ones he had, but I've become quite good at spotting certain things.

Always so stubborn that I had to figure out myself when something was wrong .

"Dont worry," he used to say, trying to tuck me back into bed. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart."

"Don't be ridiculous, Matt," I never accepted. Not when I knew he never admitted he needed help. "Here, I'll grab some bandages"

Depending on the night, it was either a simple cut or some deeper wound. Once or twice, I even had to use some homemade anesthesia to sew some stitches. This man has made me feel all sort of fears all at once.

Yet, nothing prepared me for what I was about to feel tonight.

I go open the window only to find a half conscious Matt standing there. His costume scratched on the surface with multiple cuts all over his body. I come closer to him, only for my fingers to be stained as I touch his arm. Blood.

He was bleeding, and he looked surprised to notice me there.

"(Y/n) I-.. You're awake.."

With all my force, I help him walk him across the door until we reach the couch. He's barely able to mumble as I lay him down.

"Shs..," I carefully take off his mask. The first thing I notice are his lost eyes, guilt written all over his face, "Don't push yourself too hard"

I start to undress his torso to get a better look. I had to hold my breath. I'm barely a veterinarian, used to dealing with cats or any domestic animals, but I did know more than enough about human anatomy to notice this was pretty bad. Besides cuts that, thankfully, weren't that deep, It looked like a dard was shot across his dorsal.

"We need to call an ambulance I-"

But Matt stops me, holding my arm.

"Dont.. I-"He tries to stand up by himself, grinding his teeth from pain, "I... "

He drags himself to the other side of the room, where his phone was forgotten last night. I'm confused for a moment until I perceive another shadow perking by the window. It was a woman

I feel a pit in my stomach as I try to understand what is happening here.

"You only came here for....."

I could see the pain in his eyes. I have no words as I come closer to his side now, noticing the small traces of love bites in his neck. Even the smell of his skin felt almost foreign. His body estranged. My heart stops for a moment.

"Sweetheart is not what -"

"What's..whats her name ?"

I hear him slightly gulping, without a single word.

"What's her name, Matthew"

Even if I know he can't see me, I know he can hear my heart beating a thousand miles an hour. He tries to explain bowing his head down.

"It's not..its not what you think... Elektra she...the..Hand..I"

I can only blankly stare at him. He didn't even try to contest my accusation. I feel the first rays of sunshine raising down the window.

"All this time.. I.. tried to be understanding..to be good.."

I start to pace around the room. Not knowing exactly what to say. What think.

What am I even supposed to feel here

"All this time.. - ", I have to stare again at his neck. The mark of infidelity is so horribly noticeable that I feel like throwing up, " All these nights of worry for you to..to do this.."

The little voice in my head speaks again.

I have enough

He tries to approach me, reaching my hand the same timid way he did that time I discovered his double life. He looked so lost , almost guilty. I'd later understand how guilt was ghost in Murdock's life, but at that moment, all I was able to think was to keep him in my arms. To hold him so hard

But I can't do that now. Not tonight.

"You.. you have to go...", I feel the tears rising in my eyes.

"(Y/n) I swear I can-

"Just go!"

I raise my voice a tone as I pull my arm away. I can only think of those sleepless nights, staring at window feeling alone. Feeling abandoned. Maybe it was unfair to think that way, but I never wanted to complain.

I have been so good

I just wanted to be by his side.

Matt seems to want to say something, but he only bites his lips as he deeply breathes. He was still physically hurt after all.

"Im sorry," he can only murmur as he swiftly takes his mask back on, turning away, "Im sorry, sweetheart"

He disappears again through the balcony, alongside the other girl. I see her helping him move, wrapping her arms around him. That's when I finally understand. I'll never be a part of that world, and maybe, just maybe, my insecurities were right.

I wasn't enough for the devil of Hells kitchen.

I look up again. The sun had now completely risen, shining the beautiful blue sky of a new day. I come closer to the window, giving a long view to the city.

He won't be here tonight.

I close the curtains before turning off the living room lights.

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #matt murdock x reader angst #marvel x reader #daredevil x reader #daredevil x reader angst

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blues-of-randomness · 2 months

Note

could you do more headcanons for the Smiling critters please

(Maybe when they’re Sad )

Good suggestion and yes I can.

Cw for self harm and involuntary age regression

Catnap - When Catnap gets really sad he retreats to his home and hides there for who knows how long, it could be days or even months before he comes out again. All the curtains drawn, not a single like in the house, if you're hoping for Catnap to eat or drink during this time peroid, other than a cup of juice or two...it's very wishful thinking. he'll most likely just be laying around on the floor or on the furniture. This is also when involuntary agere sets in, during this time he just feels so small and even simple tasks are two scary or frustrating for him (like brushing his teeth or even turning on the lights). During this time he might just were a bathrobe or his pajamas for some form of comfort. He'll hug himself and squeeze his arms very tightly, most of the time his claws are out when he does this so it leads to him cutting himself frequently. I have a feeling he might also wear dresses as a comfort.

Dogday - Remember that MLP episode where Pinkie pie lost her color cause she thought her friends didn't like her anymore? Yeah that's basically Dogday when he gets sad, any bright colors drain from his fur and his smile fades from his face. In my Dogday headcanons I mentioned that his fur feel like a warm mini sun, well when he's sad his fur becomes frigid cold. Unlike Catnap though Dogday still spends time outside, looking for anything that could cheer him up as quick as possible. He still has a hard time talking about what made him upset but he'll try. if what made him said was say him disappointing his friends he'll have a lot of self depricating thoughts (specfically about falling them in some way). he's not nearly as self destructive as Catnap is though, he still takes care of himself. I'll be honest though I could see Dogday having a tea party with stuffed animals when he's sad.

When Kickin gets sad he just gets angry. Like any kind of sorrowful feeling will vented through aggression before the tears eventually come. You can't tell me that Kickin hasn't gotten super overwhelmed thrown himself to the ground and started having a tantrum like a little baby. Kicken grew up with a father with very toxic views on how men should behave so he's not very comfortable crying in front of anybody. The only one who's seen him cry is Bubba, Bubba is reall the only one he's go two if he's sad. he might all himself stupid or an idiot depending on what he's crying about. He also has a teddy bear that he talks to when he's upset.

Bubba is a man who doesn't were his emotions on his sleeves per say as he always tries to keep his cool. You wouldn't even realize he's upset unless he get's really upset. Like Kickin, his sadness comes out as anger, he does cry but not often and not in front of his friends. Bubba would probably be the type to just pick of book or try to do some brain puzzles in order to take his mind of what he's upset about, if that doesn't work he tries to solve the problem on his own.

Hoppy is another critter who i imagine can get very aggressive when she's sad. Her first instinct is just to walk away, blow off the steam and come back when she's ready. She might yell or hop and down depending on how frustrated she is but she would take a deep breath and say "I need to go for a walk" or something like that. She prefers to do this alone but she wouldn't say no if you offered to walk with her and talk about it. It actually means a lot to her that you'd wanna help her.

Picky's ultimate coping mechanism is food though contrary to when she's stressed and stress eats, i feel like when she's sad she makes treats for everyone else. Since she already makes an unholy amount of food for everyone, espically when their doing an activity or going on a trip this just seems like her normal behavoir. Other than baking she might do something calming like apple/berry/flower picking. A nice picnic is also a good way to calm down.

What does any Artist do when they are upset or down in the dumps? Dump every single raw emotion on anything that doesn't move. Craftycorn has had her far share of vent pieces, some she's actually proud of, some that are just nonsensial scribbles soaked in tears. The only vent pieces her friends have seen are the ones that look cute and don't have any concerning elements to it. All the others go straight into the fire, those are not for the critter eye to see. Music, blankets and toys also help.

Bobby is a very emotional person, when she gets really upset it is instant tears or instant bawling. It's real easy to calm her down though, give her a hug, a flower, take her somewhere safe, play a game with her, and voila! If you couldn't tell she does not like being alone when she's upset, She'll cling to the closest person until she isn't upset anymore. If she's bawling she'll be begging you for a hug, she won't make yu hug you if you're uncomfortable with that though.

#headcanons #poppy playtime #smiling critters poppy playtime #smiling critters #bubba bubbaphant #catnap #kickinchicken #dogday #bobby bearhug #hoppy hopscotch #craftycorn #picky piggy

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matchaoink · 2 years

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In honour of Technoblade

My favourite things/moments

His "bruhhhh"

"Startinggg the streamm"

When he rings the bell !!!

His effortless pvp moments

When chat bullies him

And he bullies chat :))

His raps in that jackbox rap game

His jokes about his elbows

When he saw zombies destroy the turtle eggs AHHAAH

When he goes "HeH??"

His lil cabin on the dsmp :))

Carl, steve and the dog army

The skyblock video

When he afk-ed on squidkid's farm HAHA

The potato war trilogy as a whole

Whenever he played jackbox bro HAHAH

That stream he did with quackity playing roblox

His youtube banner is hilarious

That prank stream he did with sbi and their laughs at the end :))

The dave thing. ITS THE BEST BRO

How he made merch about his ascending, so on brand of him

His positive attitude towards what he went through sticks with me

When he broke the 4th wall during dsmp lore streams LMAO

^^ when his damn keyboard was loud as balls

His hypixel streams :))

Antarctic Empire <3

The minecraft mondays streams are always so entertaining

Along with the mcc ones

When he found out about ranboo's silktouch ability on the dsmp :D

Him bullying Tommy HAHA

The pigstep "Ba bA bA Ba"

How just generous he is

The way he's funny as hell

His pig rank on hypixel

How he influenced MANY creators nowadays

His scuffed as hell crown, my man TT

The way he cared so much for his fans

His knowledge of greek mythology

^^and how he incoparated them into the dsmp lore

His laugh in like. Yknow his laughs

When he makes fun of the sbi fans for wanting 4/4

The bedwars 1000 winstreak video is so fun to watch

When he makes voices for people like reading something or imitaing what he thinks theyre gonna say

When he quotes suntzu art of war

Him bullying people who suck at the game

Bunnyblade on the origins smp

When he used his self-depricating humour

"PHILLLLLL WATCH OUTTT"

The youtube thumbnails

His c! character is forever one of my top faves

Theres honestly so much more i could put, but i'll leave it at this, i got distracted halfway theough rewatching videos :)))))

#technoblade #technoblade never dies

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darcyolsson · 1 month

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i think tumblr as a website has had the most beautiful character arc i've ever seen. this website used to be known as a cesspool of teenage depression and with most of its humour being self-depricating and hopeless, yet somehow over the years we've transformed that into a place where twentysomethings come and post about the innate beauty of life. these days my dash is filled with poetry excerpts and posts about how something as simple as sharing fruit can be act of intimacy and deep love. it's the start of spring here on the northern hemisphere and i think i've seen at least 15 posts by mutuals rejoicing in the beauty of the first sunny days of the year. i love you tumblr. no one understands my newfound zest for life the way you do

#that OR i've just become excellent at curating my experience. but i think overall we've really grown in the right direction #personal

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lord-of-0blivion · 1 year

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This Post inspired this. (I may have developed reblogophobia)

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The stars shined brightly through the window as he leaned against it. His soft green glow masked by the space themed night lights.

'It's been such a long time since my thoughts have been so clear' he mused, 'I guess millennia alone do take a toll on the mind.'

'Last time my thoughts weren't muddled by anger and power lust, was... was when she..' an exhausted, self depricating sigh escaped his lips. 'I'm such a fool. She was just trying to calm me down, and I let that trice dammed ring take hold! I banished my dear wife from the relams and I can't believe it took me three thousand years to remember!!'

A soft snore brought him out of his mind. Casting his gaze on the occupant of the bed he smirked ever so slightly. 'To think this child was capable of defeating me. It's honestly both impressive and very worrying.' He relaxed his body a bit 'And now he is to be crowned High King...'

"Hmm..." He tilted his to the side 'Black hair, blue eyes... My dear Gotham would have loved him. I just hope she can forgive me one day.'

Pushing against the window he got to his feet. 'That settles it, I'll take him as my heir... Huh, I guess not only her knights got Gotham's adoption problem...' He shakes his head 'Nevermind that, I'll make sure he can live, grow and learn without trouble or worry untill he is ready for the throne.'

Raising his hand he does a gesture that is physically impossible for the anatomy of the human appendage, and with a puff of green smoke a floating eyeball appears spontaneously. Quickly grabbing what stands for its throath to make sure it doesn't make a sound, he stands to his full height and looks it straight in the pupil. Once its quivering in fear, and he is certainly it understands its situation, he slowly passes it a note.

The Observer looks at the note then slowly, fearfully, back at The Curent High King, Pariah Dark, who is staring back at him sporting Danny Phantom's patented (as in, he literally filled a pattent) little shit™️ smirk. After reluctantly receiving the note, he is then forcefully banished back to the zone. The "Don't do something you will regret." Phariah mouthed at him sending him into a fit of shivers.

As the green smoke dissipated, he turned towards the bird rack in the corner 'Well, I better go to "sleep" as well, there is lot of work to do tomorrow.' As his body morphed and black fathers replaced green skin he thought "I should get young Danny to rescind my beloved's exile.'

Talons tightly gripping the wooden stand, he turned his beak twords the stars beyond the window 'Truly a bitter feeling this is. Then again, I suppose it is expected of medicine to be bitter, because this is medicine... I am healing after all.'

And with an imperceptible nod of his featherd head, the curtains closed tightly.

@hecate-hollow

#danny phantom #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #dp prompt #dp x dc #ghost zone #king danny phantom #pariah dark #danny fenton

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