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mattsfavbigtitties · 2 days

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SFW Alphabet/ Nick S.

Warnings: Just platonic besties here!!

A/n: I tried to make it as platonic as possible with you as his bestie, but if you want a diff version i'm open to do a nick/male reader :). I just wanted to include nick in the alphabet i did with the other 2 as a non-nsfw vers. lmk on my asks!!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

I feel like Nick wouldn’t show a lot of affection, but he’ll let it show when he feels like it or needs to. When he does he’ll cuddle you when you guys are laying in his bed hanging out or on the couch watching a movie. Some different ways he shows affection is with hand holding or just simply resting a leg or hand on you to show he’s there.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship be?)

Definitely the BEST friendship of all time!! You guys make the funniest jokes when you’re together. Lots of ‘arguments’ about stupid shit. Definitely hyping each other up and pretty much attached at the hip. Unless one of you needs time away.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He doesn’t really cuddle a lot with you, but when the moments are right or you guys are in the comfort of his home he’ll drape an arm or rest his head on you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Probably not ready to settle down with someone right now. With all the youtube business and space camp he doesn’t really have the time to. I say he’s pretty good about cleaning the house, but not very good at cooking. He rarely cooks, ever.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d make it fast and confrontational, but at the same time in a very comforting way. (??)

F = Fiance(e)(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Not right now in his life does he need a man or to get married. In the future though, I’d say he’d take his time with his partner. Maybe a couple years (longer.)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Even though he jokes a lot with you he knows when the time’s right to be serious. He’d be very gentle in ways of handling you or touching you when he knows something has happened. Although if it’s just a regular day for you two(or should I say four) he’ll play around quite a bit with slapping.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

LOVES his personal space bubble. I don’t think he’d hug you often enough(like everyday), but when he’s feeling up for it he’ll surely let you know.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I think he wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ until about a year into the friendship. But before then he’d say it in a no-meaningful way. He’d say it multiple times as a “omg, thank you bestie, I love you so much!” kinda way.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don’t think he’d get very jealous unless you really distants yourself and hung out with someone else for just a while too long. Nick would literally come straight to your face and explain what’s up with that and ask questions spot on.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

If he ever did kiss you on the lips I think it’d have to be from a silly truth or dare game. In the meantime he’d only ever kiss your cheek or forehead as a little affection from him to you.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children?)

I’d say he loves children. But only the ones who aren’t stuck up brats. And if you had any younger siblings he'd get along with them so well!

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When you two sleep in his room it’s HECTIC. Waking up with the sheets practically half off and you guys star-fished across it. It’s completely crazy to Matt or Chris when one comes to wake you up.

N = Night (How are nights with them?)

Anytime you stay the night Nick always makes sure to set up a little movie dates(as friends obvi.)

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Nick would open you to things on a more personal level around about maybe the 5th month of being friends.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

With you, I’d say he has a bit more patience than with Chris or Matt. If you do keep annoying him, like on purpose or something, he would get agitated pretty quickly once he realized you’re doing it on purpose.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I think he’d really stick to the important things you’ve told him in all your years, but forget some of the little details.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

First time showing you his favorite show, Rupaul’s drag race. The way you got hooked so fast on it still amazes him to this day. Your face was priceless.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

I feel like Nick would be pretty protective of you. He’d stick up for you whenever someone was causing a problem for you. Just whenever you needed any help, he was there. If there was ever a boyfriend(or girlfriend, doesn’t matter) that treated you badly he would immediately act on it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Nick would definitely have an anniversary of the day you met and make it a big deal. He’d celebrate TONS that day with you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I definitely see him yelling at the randomest times about something stupid that just came to his brain.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Nick seems to always worry about his weight, but any and every time he ever said anything about himself in a bad way, you were right there to pick him back up.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Totally, he wouldn’t know what to think of his life if you weren’t in it.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Nick inviting you to be in a car video and you guys just constantly taking WAY off topic to the point even Chris was like wtf.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Would NEVER get with a man with a loud car. But on a serious note he wouldn’t let anyone roll with shaming anyone in ANY way. (I had a brain fart guys don't come at me)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleeping habit of theirs?)

Sleeping on his back. That’s it. That’s the habit.

#nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #mathew sturniolo #sturniolo #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x reader #mattsfavbigtitties #mattsfavbigtittiesaus #sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fluff

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annawayne · 2 days

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I don't usually share about my personal life or myself, and I truly don't want to be a bummer, and sorry about it, but, truth to be told, I feel like I have to let it all out. Maybe, I feel extra lonely or extra exhausted, maybe, all together, or maybe, there's no real reason other then I'm just a human who's just enormously tired.

I live in Ukraine and I'm Ukrainian, and all these 2,5 years since Russia's full-scale invasion I don't remember a single day of happiness or comfort. Every day we have harsh attacks, every day the news it's a necrology and the pictures of ruins everywhere, of places I know, of places where I currently live.

I don't remember when the last time I slept well, it's been months of constant sleep deprivation because we have attacks. And, in waves, it's like this for 2,5 years. Some months - it's worse, some - with some short pauses, but it's always like this for 2,5 years.

And all while, I also have very ordinary problems like any other human, and a very stressful job, I work at night. I spent hours and hours on the floor during the attacks because it's the only "safe" place in my apartment where I live - I don't have the rule of "two walls", and on the floor, at least, if the window will be blown away, maybe, 2% will give me a chance not to have glass/small missile fragments in my body. In addition, we have the scheduled blackouts again - like we used to have it during autumn 2022/ winter 2023, now, due to other harsh attacks we have another deficit of power.

Not to mention, every time I see my arts and writing flopping, I feel even worse and even more demotivated; every time I see it, I think that "yeah, nice, it happened again, but who knows if I'll be alive tomorrow to see if it changes¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯".

I understand that I'm not that great in anything and nobody owes me anything, I truly understand it. And it's totally fair.

It's just sad for me on top of everything, on top of every other horror I'm going through every day.

Every day is just another survival game, and I'm holding on somehow, I have no privilege nor possibility to give up and/or to take a break.

I feel like I'm shattering, piece by piece, slowly. I'm still here, holding on, finding every drop of strength that left in me to keep going, but every day it's becoming more and more difficult. But I hold on like whole Ukraine holds on.

I'm writing it while listening to the booming scream of the sirens, our daily soundtrack, because right now we have another huge attack, with several types of missiles from dozens bomber jets.

It's my routine I didn't choose but the one I'm forced to live. The one I adopted to live in, the one that seems to me as a norm, as something quotidian. I don't remember life before. It seems, like it never happened.

I just want to let it all out, I don't ask for pity or anything else.

I'm fine, as much as I can be in such conditions.

So thank you if you've reached this. Hope you're doing fine, everyone, and I wish you all the best.

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softsimulation · 19 days

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6am at the butler family home it smells like coffee beans, buttered toast and laundry detergent in this kitchen

#im genuinely so grateful to awingedllama for the nostalgia cc #it means the world to me #i want my game to feel as comforting as possible #ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #maxis match #my build #my interior #ts4 interior #ts4 screenies

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embras-grace · 8 months

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One thing I truly adore about Palia is the polyamory and general queerness. It's so nice that we can romance everyone so we don't miss any plots or items, but also its nice as a poly-queer person to see some representation in a game.

There is no jealousy. There is no hateful or painful breakups (as I understand it, if you break-up it is not mentioned and you restart the romance plot-line). No one makes negative comments about two pins or switching out pins.

It's so nice to see positive rep in a game and honestly such a breath of fresh air.

#palia #palia game #palia mmo #queer representation #poly representation #like I love Stardew don't get me wrong and that can be queer as well #but if you date more than one the obviously monogamous npcs get upset which is also fine!!#but in Palia I can imagine those conversations of a poly relationship #plus it makes me feel I have more control over my OC's true character #my OC is demisexual and very queer and nonbinary #so their relationship to Reth is different than Jel and yes Hodari will soon be joining that polycule and I can know in comfort that #there ARE conversations happening!! even if just in my head!#its just nice to see some good positive rep and I am so happy about it #now excuse me while I spend some more money on this great game cause I want it to stick around for as long as possible

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bibiana112 · 6 months

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Kinda weird question- do you have any links to people talking about Mira from ZTD and ableist stereotypes? I mentioned that I was uncomfortable with her portrayal but kinda fumbled it and made some other ND people in chat uncomfortable. I searched for various keyword combinations but most of what I'm finding is like "and not to mention the ableism with Mira" and doesn't elaborate lol.

Not weird at all! And uh, you see, there's a recent post I made where what I complain about is the very fact I've never seen anyone post too in-depth about her at all, I'd love to see posts that do elaborate on that but I do not have any that I know of right now, sorry :/ hopefully someone else who sees this can point to one? Okay!! After some tag searches I have found exactly one post who kind of gets into it I like this take still would love to see. more than just one but hooray

And like though I complain I couldn't elaborate much on it myself I don't think, I believe most of the posts people make about Saito from aitsf would apply since it's a different uchikoshi take on the very same trope of "emotionless characters who cannot function without killing others" I guess he's a worse portrayal though since she's at least not stated to get reward brain chemicals when killing people and I guess her case also has the added layer of "femme fatale" to it? Which either makes it less bad or worse depending on where you approach it from As I said I am not doing a good job of being coherent on this oh and also there's her being "redeemed" and "cured" in the epilogue which in on itself is kinda not great to imply it just goes away like that and honestly I personally don't even buy it I think she'd just be like oh okay Akane over here has like a thousand reasons to hate me after all that oh and what's that she's the leader of a super wealthy underground organization who's organized one of these death traps before yeah no I'm better off going to prison I'll be fine there lmao bye

But I'll say as an autistic person with relatively low empathy I usually see a character who just doesn't understand other people's feelings and wants to feel them too and is just trying to survive despite getting no help and I just kinda go hm. yeah. shout-out to roxas kingdom hearts shout out to mary from ib shout out that's why I started hyperfixating on media art helps me with understanding others a great lot and Mira is just in a story too badly executed for me to care or even begin to wrap my head around tbh like god she's so fucking terribly used as a plot device in every conceivable way that it makes it difficult to see past it and into what she could possibly be if it weren't for the stereotype of equalling low empathy with no compassion what's with her killing off screen in ways that wildly deviate from her stated m.o? why or how was she even in cahoots with Zero why was that a thing? Honestly her dynamic with Sean could have been better fleshed out could have done something interesting about robot child and his aspd big sis but we just kind of don't get any attention brought to the subject of emotions and the authenticity there of except for the "reveal"...

YOU KNOW WHAT that's probably one huge reason it feels so fucked up actually! Like the whole fucking game is written so you could experience it in whatever order you want and therefore Mira being a serial killer at all is something that though not very well hidden it also cannot be a topic of discussion or explored Ever ever because the player may not have seen the fragment where that is revealed yet- problem being the menu design of that game sucks so bad and practically everyone gravitates towards the same few more interesting looking thumbnails first and then the rest is kinda just there, I mean that is part of the reason A Lot of characters feel half-baked I think but also I think it definitely does impact perception of her character specifically probably The Most and then there's just the general not being given nuance not being able to see the minutiae of how that disorder manifests in her character aside from the killings about how she acts aside from being overly flirty trying to lure in Eric but that affects pretty much all of the new cast we don't have last names and in her case we barely have any backstory at all like Saito is a harmful stereotype sure but we get So Much Context for him that people still love talking about him and delving into different aspects of his life since we have that very well telegraphed in the narrative meanwhile for Mira all we can do is fill in the blanks guesswork that only highlights the worst aspects of the surface level portrayal we got and ultimately that people just don't care enough to dissect because there isn't much there character wise once you remove it

#oh to be miraposting on a sunday evening instead of catching up on schoolwork #I love how you can see the exact moment while writing this that I had a brain blast akdhks #me: sorry I can't elaborate also me: types out. three paragraphs #also if you're comfortable with that I'm curious what you could have possibly said that it'd be considered fumbling #dms are open if you send it into an ask I'll answer privately and again only if you want to share #cause like I want to see different perspectives on this so bad even if they're not eloquent #especially since it's not really something that ever got to me much? but that I can kinda see why it'd be upsetting #my suspension of disbelief is just too tanked for it to get an emotional reaction of me especially with the rest of the cast for contrast #I'm too busy being annoyed at everyone else's portrayal in that game not to mention idk it feels like #like schlocky hollywood no thoughts character archetype go brr type ableism #not the really insidious woven into the narrative stuff that I usually want to rant about cough cough youtube video I'll probably never mak #like pretty sure it's stated somewhere that the idea for her character was uchikoshi going hm. there's been femme fatales in these games #but none of them have been Really “Fatale” you know? he literally just wanted the big booba character to also be the stabby character #zero escape #ztd #mira ztd #if this should be under a readmore. let me know #zero escape spoilers

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lunarharp · 4 months

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wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

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lovecolibri · 3 months

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The second Oscar mentioned Rue was going to write a letter to Captain Hob, the whole table started oooh-ing and awww-ing like middle schoolers teasing a friend about their crush. This epistolary phase is truly so much fun and such a delight, and so OF the genre. I'm glad the players are enjoying it as much as I am!

#dimension 20 #a court of fey and flowers #aabria really bent the game to fit what she wanted to do and it fucking WORKS in the best possible way #i feel like while ASO is my comfort season when i need laughs #and TUC is my comfort season when the loneliness of existance and existential dread are high #ACOFAF is going to be my comfort season when i'm heartsick and need that sweeping romantic *vibe*

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sodafrog13 · 1 year

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i think a lot abt biker and jacket's relationship for someone who does not like them together romantically

#and talk abt them a lot for that matter fgdfgfgd #idk!! i just think that there's like. possibilities there y'kno #like there's a reason why i made a playlist for them. bc if you know me then you know me making ship playlists and like #actually sharing them. is a little unusual. bc i have others that aren't hlm related #but this is the first time i've felt strongly abt them (the playlists) enough to actually share #which makes sense for beardjacket and jacketgf since i post abt them a lot #but for biker&jacket (esp consdiering that it's a ship playlist /meant/ to not be romantic) it's like. god idk how to say it properly #like there's tragedy there. if u kno what i mean. just inherently #like there's a reason that of all my jacketshipping playlists the biker&jacket one has the most amount of songs w no words (5/10 of them)#bc to me their relationship isn't built on affection/any sort of real attraction. it's built on understanding.#on needing this person in your life even if it isn't good for either of you because not having them there would just make things even worse #bc the beardjacket playlist also has a genrous amount of songs w no words (4/10) but i have specific reasons for having them there #the main general ones being /comfort/. and longing. bc that's what those songs meant to me personally #w the biker&jacket one i have straight breakcore songs on there (bc to me biker/jacket means breakcore) and a 25 minute ambient/vpw track #as well as release by M|O|O|N and it's ok you're ok by bonjr bc to me all of those songs are like #like regardless of how i personally feel about them they're not meant to be. satisfying? ig?? like they're meant to be unsettling in a way #i'm essentially trying to encapsulate how games like hlm and firewatch make me feel #like. like this is how it's supposed to be. even if it's not what anyone wanted #anyways. i need to keep studying.#the trash speaks

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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how fleeting huh

#🌙.rambles #i rlly need to be more consistent in sleeping earlier bcs these thoughts r just #ah no. they're always there. most of the time. i just take my mind off them throughout the day n.#idk i'm not in the mood to expound on that rn but it's just so bittersweet #i'm. the kind of person to keep on looking n moving forward. onwards. ever towards the morrow.#can't be helped after all when. i genuinely am curious n interested in life. i want to reach far n high n yeah #but i'm sentimental too n sensitive n emotional n i want to hold on i want to remember #but even that's just not enough n at times it really gets so hard to live w the burden of it all. it's so heavy isn't it?#i'm passionate with literature n games n music n.. i want to take in as much as i can. learn. but also create. bcs there's a lot in me too.#n it #it's just. yk when it's simultaneously so confusing n comforting. with how life is just so full of possibilities n so full of depth n #meaning n then there's stuff too like not only my personal life n the personal lives too of the ppl i personally love but #the world as a whole w. just. all the pain in general. it weighs me down too which is why when i was younger it'd be rlly #draining to be more politically-aware but. i don't fare well with ignorance either n life is just so full of contradictions #n sometimes i think too much i feel too much #too fast too slow too little too much.#but that thinking is.. i think bcs there's a standard or smth that we have in our minds #if we just. embrace who we are at our core. as humans. n let go of all those extra stuff n all #then i think i'd be more at peace. with more freedom. i feel so restrained in this #uh. it's nearly 2 am n i'm multitasking smth before i sleep so i'm not sure if this is the right word but postmodern society? not sure #but yk this society where.. toxic social media culture n then. the distance between us. the lack of understanding n sincerity #just. hurts me so much. i hate it. it's so lonely. this world is so lonely yk? as a whole #but ahh i'm thinking too much again n that combined w my own personal struggles w pushing myself to do the best i can #& then. fuck social anxiety i just can't help overthinking too often but yeah. Yeah.#i'll go sleep in a bit tho. i think i'll just do more tomorrow.

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apollo-zero-one · 3 days

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One of my cats, the one who is the best natured, the most tolerant and loving, bites my mom. Real, hard biting that breaks skin. He doesn't do this to anyone else in the house. She acts very victimized by it.

But when I ask, were you bothering him? I know you like to annoy the cats on purpose, were you teasing him after he gave you warnings to stop? Were you ignoring boundaries he set? And she'll give the most nonchalant, 'Yeah, probably.'

I'm realizing a lot about my own childhood trauma. I'm remembering, vaguely, distantly, the way I would have my own warnings ignored. I think I remember being overpowered, physically. In good fun! To play, to tickle! Except that I was so so small, and whether I wanted to play was irrelevant. And I was laughing, clearly I liked it! There was nothing I could do once she was playing, so I started avoiding physical play, keeping myself out of positions I could be trapped and tickled as much as I could.

I remember... How important it was to me to speak for my brother. To make sure he was clearly understood. He needs this, he wants that. He doesn't like that.

He doesn't like that. (Please stop doing that to him.) (Please stop doing that to me.)

We both got bigger and were eventually able to defend ourselves. Strong enough to squirm free and crawl away, or to stay curled up in a ball and not have our limbs pulled open and tickle spots revealed. My brother learned that if he gave no reaction, it would bore her until she stopped, and that worked for him. I learned that I had to grab her wrists and physically push her away for her to stop, and that, in combination with avoiding getting into the situation and repeatedly saying while in a safe position I didn't really like to be tickled ('Of course you do, you used to ask me to tickle you as a kid!' maybe sometimes.) finally got her to stop.

We're both big now. She bothers the cats. She likes to touch their noses and whiskers. The girl cats have learned when to walk away from her, they are able enough to squirm and then run. Roman is too big, too out of shape to run, so he's learned that when he has had enough, the only thing she'll listen to is his teeth.

I don't like being touched by strangers. I hate being tickled, it makes me feel out of control, and helpless. I hate feeling helpless.

I love my mother and she never meant any harm. But I am recognizing more and more harm from her as I start to dig deeper into my past and recognize things as trauma that I didn't flag earlier because they didn't sound traumatic. "I was often held down and tickled by my mom as a child" sounds like a cute childhood story. "I was physically overpowered, touched in ways I didn't want to be, had my protests ignored, and made to feel helpless by a parent" has a much different ring to it.

I was also shamed/guilted into having very, very lax physical boundaries. My mother could touch or grab me wherever and whenever she wanted. I was never sexually abused, never, so it has taken me a long time to recognize the situation as traumatizing. My mom jokes that when I started picking my own clothes, I always dressed like a prude, I never wanted even an inch of skin uncovered on my legs or waist and I would make sure to find the right clothes to achieve that. Leggings, all socks, oversized shirts, layers. As soon as I learned I was allowed to wear jeans I started to do so, and to this day Denim feels like armor to me. She's mentioned it's a texture she doesn't like. I wonder if that's related. I wonder if I was always subconsciously (maybe even consciously, I don't remember much of my childhood and I mostly have emotional amnesia about the parts I do remember- as if it was someone else's life I'm remembering) shielding myself from unwanted touches.

#there is a game my mother plays called 'toe rape' where she tries to catch you by suprise when you are lounging on the couch or recliner #without socks on and she tries go to stick as many fingers between your toes as possible before you physically stop her.#Saying or even shouting 'no!' and 'stop!' will not get her to stop. She's laughing and playing its a harmless game!#I am rarely if ever found without socks on. I have found myself sitting sockless on the couch and when she arrives home gotten up to go put #socks on. I tend to sit on couches with my feet tucked under me and it isn't always comfortable but it feels secure.#I wonder why.#Whenever im home Roman likes to sit on my lap. I pet him and never mess with his nose or whiskers. She says he likes me so much more than #her. She says it jealously. Multiple people in this household have told her its because I don't annoy him on purpose (most of the time.)#i have tried to point out his tells to her. His warnings. When to stop. But she doesn't care. She thinks messing with him and watching him #get increasingly worked up and agitated is funny. Until he bites her. And then she pushes him away all offended and complains.#mom he didn't want to be pushed away he was happy cuddled on your lap he loves you. He just wants you to stop touching him there. He just #wants you to respect his boundaries.#Her husband is the most common target of 'toe rape' and I recognize his yelling and swearing as genuine protesation when she does. I dont #know if she recognizes it too and just thinks it's funny to cross what she surely considers a harmless boundary anyway... or if she thinks #he is playing too. I feel inclined toward the former unfortunately.#And it isn't like she likes to be touched these ways either! And she is firm in those boundaries while making the rest of us feel like we #can't be. ...I don't know. I'm just. Thinking about stuff. Reframing somr childhood memories.#trauma #mental health #mental illness #childhood trauma #atypical trauma

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exerlin · 3 months

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my life would be so much better with a 2nd non-bathroom room and a bunny rabbit

#bnuny thoughts #i think im getting burnt out on splatoon and it's making me sad #idk what else to do i wish i could pursue my hobbies but without space or meds i can't muster the strength i need #also i tried looking for a job today and wow. you even need a food certification to be paid minimum wage??#i just can't deal with this shit at all still #job hunting irl doesnt work and neither does online #too many barriers to entry for the simplest of things #i don't understand how anyone functions under these conditions #im not good enough at anything to be paid for it i guess #this system thinks i should die i guess #food is taking up all my extra money nowadays #and im still running out of food stamps #im eating 2 cups of ramen a day ($3 each) because i keep gagging on the $1 maruchan cups of ramen #i ordered a copious amount of noodles on amazon hoping to keep my food costs strictly on my EBT this month #trying to go out by myself as little as possible so that I can afford to be able to *insert literally anything that isn't play video games*#im so so deeply tired of video games i wish i could experience the wonders of life and reality but that costs money each time #video games cost money 1 time and can be played over and over again #sometimes they dont even cost money #but a drink that isn't prepackaged costs at least $5 #and food is even more than that #and no loitering because everything is actually private property #and also i feel extremely uncomfortable in public places like parks because strangers have always been hostile to me (in georgia)#and i have not had any experiences that conflict with that trend as i avoid public spaces (which is easy because you have to seek them out)#i want to be in one but i won't feel comfortable because i will feel like i don't belong #also i wouldnt know what to do #and anything like “daydreaming” or “relaxing” would probably result in my dazed ass accidentally staring at someone for too long #i just don't know how to deal with such an intense fear #at least not by myself

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dragonanon · 4 months

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I love that when I start questioning my child free stance in life, the universe IMMEDIATELY reminds me of why I don’t want kids. 🙃

#i had to do a short visit with a woman today and got to listen to her baby scream for 15 solid minutes #i could BARELY focus on what i was doing because it was so distracting and i couldn’t even put headphones or something in #i ended up ending the appointment sooner than i would’ve liked because i couldn’t take the screaming #but even then they STILL stuck around for several minutes because she apparently simply had to nurse then and there #which normally wouldn’t have been an issue but i’m booked back to back all day today and NEEDED to get the room ready for the appointment #and you can’t really do that when you have someone breastfeeding and a baby daddy who did fuck all to comfort the baby #i will NEVER be cruel to a baby or small child #but i avoid them as much as humanly possible for this VERY reason #loud shrill noises like that fuck with my head #and it’s even worse when i’m in a position where I’m ‘’trapped’’ and can’t just leave and go elsewhere #the amount of rage and irritation i feel when i hear a screaming baby/child is actually scary to me #like i was getting close to snapping and demanding her baby daddy gtfo with the baby so i could actually focus #i could sense that feeling coming though and wanted to avoid letting myself get to that point so I ended the appointment early #it’s this rage that makes me staunchly child free #the LAST thing i want to do is create a life that will have to endure me resenting it for triggering my noise sensitivities #sorry if this comes across as overly critical i swear i don’t truly hate babies and kids #i just get FAR too overwhelmed and overstimulated around them so it’s better for everyone that i enjoy in small doses from a safe distance #i will HAPPILY be the cool aunt that plays video games with you and lets you eat Cheetos for dinner #but i could NEVER be a mother #at least not a GOOD mother that is and that thought distresses me more than the thought of kids themselves 😬#i’m fucked up as it is i couldn’t forgive myself if i fucked up some poor kid too #child free #childfree #sorry for the whole rant/ramble in the tags here #just REALLY needed to vent because that was stressful af for me

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tea-drops · 5 months

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hhh had a nightmare that's lingering. It wasn't fun at all. SA nightmare.

#-blurry #possibly theo #im.#hhhhhhhhh #i wanted to tell my mum and get comfort (despite our rocky relationship) but. she just wanted to sleep #i.#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #not fun times.#my body feels funny (probably a Seggsual alter wanting to make it feel better)#buit i really font wanta #i just wanna play games and feelb etter .((

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celesterayel · 5 months

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something out of my dreams | luke castellan

pairing : luke castellan x dionysus!reader

request: could you possibly write a luke x daughter of dionysus please? maybe she’s like super nice and when percy gets to camp she becomes like an older sister and luke is super whipped for her? @elz-zalarrr

IN WHICH — all he knows is that you were something out of his dreams.

"trust him like a brother, yeah, you know i did one thing right. starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night" - t.s.

w.c. 1.8k

warning(s) : cheesiness ゜✭・.

✩ ‧₊˚ author's note okay i've begun to realize that low-key i feel like i write in cursive if that makes sense? if a feeling could describe it i'd say its like using poetry to write? that's likely not any better lol :)

there was but one person that everyone could agree they adored at camp half blood.

it didn't matter what grudge who had with whom or what ancient rivalries transcended the ideals of reality, everyone loved you. not the typical type of brittle love that crumbled at the slightest of touches, but pure adoration that endured the sands of time.

you with the gentle soul, who healed others with each laugh and smile. when new half-godlings were brought to camp, you made sure to comfort them and make them understand that they belonged here and would find a home whether they wanted to or not. you made sure that no birthday was forgotten, no deed undone.

children of minor gods or elders, of Ares or Aphrodite, you became an older sister to all who needed you. you, the daughter of fertility and chaos, the god dionysius.

there was no debate that at camp half blood there was only a before you and an after you. you were like that high right before the free fall–invincibility and smoke and curiosity wrapped into the form of a demi-god. you were the gentle breeze during summer nights when the heat became too much. and none ached more to feel it than luke castellan, who had been burning for as long as he knew.

your relationship in itself was tentative, you danced around your feelings–scared one wrong touch or word would break the shaky, fine line that lay between you two. but you could not hide the way you loved the other to yourselves nor the children of the beings of divine blood.

luke castellan loved you like the stars would fall out of the sky with one harsh touch, free and incandescently self-destructive. like you were a wild, wonderful thing out of a fantasy.

you loved him like there was no hell or heaven but the cosmos that lay in his eyes and the worlds that lay in his soul. something so sacred and rare. a love so true and mortal it put all the greek tragedies to shame.

you knew that whatever you and him were made of, in every lifetime or the next you two were made for each other.

loving luke castellan would be both your redemption and destruction in the making, your elysium for whatever good thing you had done in your previous life.

✩ ‧₊˚

you first met percy jackson when he came to camp, he was a scared little thing who had just lost his mother when the veil between reality and deception flickered. everything he’d known came crumbling as quickly as the truth was uncovered: gods and monsters were real and played games of hell and heaven on earth. some thing about him called out to the vulnerability you once knew when you first came to camp so you made it your mission to be the sister he never had.

you met him at the front of the steps of the main office, “my name is y/n, percy jackson. welcome to camp halfblood.”

“do you just somehow know everyones name,” he raised his eyebrows at you.

“yes.” no, but you supposed it’d be fun to let him think that.

“of course you do.”

“come along, i’ll show the ins and outs here. if you're nice enough, i might let you in on the cook's secret stash of blue ice cream,” you laughed out.

he contemplated his choices before grabbing your outstretched hand and shaking it, “deal.”

you showed him who to avoid and the best people to befriend. the history between your kind and why the gods were as they were. the truth behind his bloodline and the legacy that he was now responsible for. the tribulations and the pain that was cursed to follow the children of the gods.

“and this is chris. the best person to ask if you need to know what plants are poisonous,” you say, introducing him to a guy with black hair and soft eyes.

percy looks at chris before looking around to see where the hermes boy is, “we’ve met. he was with luke when he was showing me around”

you’re cheeks heated at the mention of his name; looking around to see if you can spot the familiar tan skin and soft eyes that belong to your luke.

“oh! luke! yeah, he’s around here somewhere. he’s sly like that, wandering and then popping up the next second.”

a voice pipes up behind you suddenly, “y/n, already telling percy everything about me?”

you whirl around and there he stands in all his glory with the curls you love and the sun in his eyes. your golden boy.

“just telling him the truth, castellan. you’re hard to get a hold of sometimes.”

a hue of pink covers his cheeks, “i’m never far from you.”

both of you oblivious to percy and chris who seem to be conversing about you both and the tip-toe dance you play.

percy just wonders what’s happening here: firstly, luke is looking at you like you’ve hung the moon and the stars and that’s saying something because he has shit observation skills–his analysis essays can attest to that. secondly, he swears he can see hearts in his eyes from where he’s standing and is that…is that a blush?

he turns to chris, who is just staring at the two like it's not out of the normal for what’s happening, “what’s happening here? is he blushing?”

chris just nods, “yeah. luke’s kinda–very obviously to everyone–in love with y/n. if i didn’t know better i’d say she’s gotten him insane in love. very likely as her dad’s the god of insanity.”

he turns back to the two who are laughing and standing closer than before, “like super, super in love. if there was a word for love, luke’s found it”

“huh.”

chris says it like it’s common knowledge like how the best food is blue jelly beans, “i mean i ship it, y/n’s the sweetest person around here–the type of person people write songs about. she’s like a sister to us older ones and a mother to the younger ones. the whole camp is waiting for him to just man up and ask y/n. they make each other happy, you know?”

“yeah, i think i do.”

percy thinks it’s something the poets would write about.

✩ ‧₊˚

fridays are capture the flag days.

you’re not the type of person to engage in these types of games all that often but you suppose there’s a first time for everything. someone’s got to show the percy boy how it’s played.

“okay, percy. remember, keep your senses open and make sure that no one gets close enough to engage. once they engage, it’s hard to fight them off.”

all around you two, people have begun to don their armor and raise arms. the sun has just reached its height and you’re huddled together discussing your gameplan. even though your cabin house is pretty small, you’ve joined athena and hermes for this game.

percy’s voice rises a little high as he tries swinging his sword around only to drop it, “yeah, okay. i’ll just try not to die, i guess. that’s not like hard or anything.”

“just follow my lead and if i’m not here find luke.”

you're not exactly excited about percy’s odds. the kid is lanky as is and his sassiness doesn’t help him out much when others target him for it.

that’s exactly why you’re gone to his rescue when he nearly gets hit in the face by a spear after he insulted one of the boys from house ares.

your heel nearly buckles under a sharp hit after you block the attack that’s directed to percy. you manage to reset your heel and push the sword off before you drop down into a crouch and sweep the legs of the warrior in front of you.

unfortunately you're slightly too focused on what’s in front of you and protecting percy you don’t realize that someones charging toward you from the side.

fortunately, a block from a familiar sword stops any attack that might meet you head on. no sooner do you hear the block that luke’s got the other guy on the floor and surrendering.

you grin at him, “i had that handled.”

giving you that grin that makes you feel like your future's right in front of you, he replies: “i’m sure you did. but why let you deal with him when i can save you the trouble.”

“why don’t you go and help annabeth win the games, romeo.”

he gives you a wink, throwing a quick ‘yes ma’am’ before he’s already running off again.

no sooner than later, a quick gong resounds throughout the camp, concluding the games. you’re standing slightly battered while percy walks behind you pointing out all the flowers he’s found. you definitely need to teach him how to defend himself.

the players are just trickling in for the woods they’ve been fighting in to reband together and in the distance you see a figure running toward you.

holding onto the flag, he continues to look at you like you’re everything he’s ever needed to breathe. he’s taken his helmet off and you can finally see him fully: brown eyes and all dimples.

“see you’ve found the flag.”

he takes a couple of steps closer to you until only two steps separate him and you, “yeah, someone told me to go win the game so I did just that for her”.

“really now?”

he whispers, “yeah.”

his eyes twinkle and you’ve never wanted anything more than to continue to stare at them.

you hope he’ll make the next move but luke castellan, the boy you’ve fallen for in every lifetime, is always content to admire you.

so, you take those two next steps, grab him by his neck, and press your lips to his.

he stands shocked for a minute, wondering if what’s happening is really happening. but no sooner, he’s dropped the flag on the grass and holds you like your the greatest treasure he’s ever had.

there’s a certain type of tragedy that your golden boy tastes like, fire and freedom all in this moment. it’s the price of redemption and damnation that you’re willing to pay.

to him, it’s the stars aligning like you’d will them to–the power you held and every thing he’s ever needed. your his past, future, and present: the threads in his life giving him the one thing he’s ever wanted. something he’s only ever dreamed of.

he pulls back slightly before murmuring, “in every lifetime or the next, i am yours. i don’t know what i did to deserve you. you’re something only out of my dreams, y/n.”

"you sap"

you just kiss him again, ignoring all the campers and those still trickling in.

✩ ‧₊˚

“definitely a child of dionysius. she’s reduced him to insanity,” pipes up percy as he tears off the petals of the flower he holds in his hand.

chris just grabs a flower and continues to rip the petals off like the boy beside him.

“damn straight!” shouts luke toward the two.

#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo fandom #pjo series #luke x reader #percy jackson show #percy jackson x reader #luke pjo #pjo x reader #pjo x you #pjo #ignore the cringe

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supercutszns · 5 months

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Hi!! Just had to drop in and say I LOVED your Luke fic and I can’t wait for more. I would love protective Luke with hurt/comfort, if that sounds interesting at all. Thanks for sharing your writing!!! 🌸

fighting chance; luke castellan

wc + pairing: 4.2k, luke castellan x daughter of ares! reader

synopsis: when an enemy takes advantage of your kindness during capture the flag, luke intervenes with a sword in hand.

warnings: a creepy boy👎, threats/harm to reader, she’s going through it, blood/injuries (nothing major), angry ANGRY luke, violence, lots of fluff/reassurance at the end<3

notes: thank you SO much for your kind words & your request!! hurt/comfort is my bread and butter my favourite fic genre of all time i think. & protective luke is just a bonus bc he’s already crazy so it can go as far as i want🤭 i’m not exactly sure what this turned into but if i fix it any more i'm going to go insane so hope you like it!

You’re not much of a fighter.

That alone is a normal thing to admit—plenty of people don’t like violence, the frisson of a challenge, the bruises that come with them. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Unless you’re a child of Ares.

People at camp often ridicule your gentle nature when they see you with your half-siblings. They’re all gritted teeth and sharp edges, born warriors that take up all the space they can get. You, on the other hand, are lousy with weapons and even lousier with your fists. You’re quiet, attentive. While your siblings charge into battle without second thought you stay back, flitting around to adjust armour, change out weapons, oversee the terrain. Planning isn’t Ares’ style so you’re pretty much useless but nobody wants to admit it. You’re usually mistaken as a child of Hephaestus or Athena.

Unfortunately, you are a child of Ares, through and through—just in none of the ways that matter.

There are rare times your father’s influence peeks through. Not with bursts of rage or fists flying, but with thoughts. And sometimes those thoughts turn into words. Well, not sometimes. One time. This one.

The evening before the camp’s Capture the Flag game, every cabin gathered around the bonfire past dinner. To burn offerings, to chat, or in Luke Castellan’s case, to admire.

He watches you laugh with Clarisse from a distance. The Ares cabin leader always had a certain fondness for you. When Luke first started dating you he had to ask Clarisse for her blessing beforehand just to be sure she wouldn’t kill him. He’d do it a million times over just for the moment you look back, your face warming when you catch his stare. He rolls his eyes at you to lessen his smile, but he’s not sure it works. You giggle and turn back to your friend.

He’s always loved your softness; your capacity to defend and not attack. Your body rejects any skill you could possibly develop for violence. Believe him, he’s tried to teach you sword fighting, but the last time he gave you a lesson you nearly impaled yourself thirty seconds in. He loves your wit and your tenderness, your proficiency at preventing conflict, your refusal to argue. But a selfish part of him loves the fact that he’s your protector even more.

The night wears on with the flickers of fire and friendly banter. One of the times Luke looks back at you, his brows wrinkle. There’s a guy talking to you. A group of them, actually, but there’s one clearly leading the pack. Some Aphrodite kid. Luke’s jaw twitches.

“Hey, princess,” the voice makes you pull away from your talk with Clarisse, but you’re confused. Luke is the only one that calls you that.

“Um, me?” You ask when you see the boy in front of you. He’s tall, chest puffed out. It’s not an endearing silhouette. “What’s up?”

“You wanna be on my team for Capture the Flag tomorrow?” He asks nonchalantly.

You laugh politely, “Sorry, but I don’t think we’re allied with Aphrodite tomorrow. That’s your cabin, isn’t it?” You feel bad that you can’t remember—his face is so … plain.

He chuckles back, but it’s a lot less nice. “No, doll, that’s not what I mean.” He steps a little too close, and even though you know Clarisse is behind you it feels like she’s a thousand miles away. “Well,” he drawls, a smirk drawn out, “you meet me in the forest after we start, and then we can … you know. Confer.”

“Confer?”

“Yeah. You get what I mean, pretty girl, don’t play dumb.”

A revulsion coats your gut. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me that,” you say as firmly as you can.

“What, pretty or dumb? Why not both?”

It’s demeaning, the way he says it, and it stirs a temper in your stomach you know you inherited from your father. You’re not big on confrontation. Or embarrassment. But this weirdo is talking to you out in the open and people are starting to stare. He wouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it, right?

“I’ll pass on your offer. I have a boyfriend and I’m actually on his team tomorrow, so I’d rather confer with him, sorry.” Your hands wring together but you do your best to quell them, imagining it’s the string of Luke’s camp necklace, threaded between your fingers. You try to look for him out of the corner of your eye.

He snickers, even though it’s common knowledge you and Luke have been together for months now. “So you are dumb, huh?” He tries to smirk and you assume is supposed to be sexy, but it’s just gross. His hand tries to slide around your waist.

“Don’t touch me, please,” you hit his hand away. Your skin is crawling and the knot inside you tightens.“Just leave me alone. People are looking, you know.”

“We could go somewhere where nobody looks,” he sneers, and the grin on his face is so sleazy that you just can’t stand it anymore.

You pray to your father for strength. And to yourself for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry, are you stupid or something? I told you, no.” You snap. “Maybe you’re the pretty dumb one, but for a child of Aphrodite it’s shocking how little the first one applies.”

His eyes are wide, and the posse he’d assembled behind him has attracted quite the view. You almost feel like crying, all these eyes on you, but you’re so sick of people thinking they can walk all over you just because you’re not like your siblings.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m just trying to be nice—” He grabs your wrist as you leave but you yank it hard.

“Don’t. Touch me.” People are staring at you now, but the only one you care about is Luke, who looks equally ticked and equally proud, and all you want to do is kiss him. “Hope the only time we confer tomorrow is if somebody’s sword is at your throat.”

It’s the last thing you say to him. He starts to go after you but Luke is already at your heels. “Back off, man.” You can spot how all his muscles are already rearing themselves for a fight. You wrap a hand around his wrist, and he meets your eyes. Not now.

The altercation is lost the second the two of you leave the bonfire. Nothing matters when Luke has you in his arms, kissing you outside of your cabin, telling you how damn beautiful you looked.

You’re fixing a new Ares boy’s armour when Luke finds you. “Hey, angel,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek. He relishes in the way your face heats up. “You ready for battle?”

You smile, “Always.” You pat the kid on the cheek and send him on his way. He gnashes his teeth and roars, joining his siblings at the front. Luke catches the longing in your expression.

“All good?” He asks gently.

It takes you a second for your eyes to meet his. “Mmhm,” you swallow. “Just hope his armour doesn’t fall off.”

Luke sighs for a moment, then wraps his arms around you. “He’ll be fine, sweetheart. Be safe, okay? Stay close.” He kisses your temple, rubbing circles on the nape of your neck.

“Yes sir,” you reply against his chest. His insides flutter.

He pulls your face up to his and kisses you, tender and wanting. “Let’s show these hooligans who’s boss,” he quips.

“You’ll show them. I’ll hide in the woods until some idiot comes along and tries to ambush you.”

Your dulcet tone has him wrapped around your finger, and you don’t even know it. “You’ve always got my back,” he croons, kissing your brow.

“And you’ve always got our flag.”

You kiss him again and he lets you slip out of his arms no matter how badly he wants to keep you there forever. He watches you vanish into the trees, and his heart goes with you.

He gears up with his team and the horn sounds. Game on.

There’s yelling, sweat, adrenaline, and Luke embraces it all like a man starved. This is his chance to be ruthless, to let all his untapped rage cycle through him. This is why he’s unstoppable. This is why he’s the best.

Clarisse is unusually cooperative today, but competent as always, and whenever someone’s weapon breaks or they lose their team she just barks at them to go find you. You, the smartest person in Ares, who can mend a weapon with nothing but blades of grass and determination. Luke is pretty sure your cabin would be lost without you. He wonders if you know.

The groove of the game has fully enthralled him. He’s alert, his wrist nimble, his sword a living, breathing part of him. There’s almost nothing that can take him out of his victory path until he hears one of the younger campers tell Clarisse he can’t find you anymore.

Whatever nincompoop he’s dealing with is left groaning on the floor. “What?” He barks, hand flexing around his sword. “Where is she?”

“Probably just moved,” Clarisse grunts as she kicks back an opposing camper. “She knows where everything is. Maybe she’s—oof—safer.”

“But how am I supposed to fix my spear?” The kid frowns.

Luke runs his tongue along the roof of his mouth, dry and laden with salt. He told you to stay close. Where would you go? “I’ll find her,” he decides, already sheathing his sword to walk towards the trees.

“Luke—”

“I’ll find her!”

He barely pays attention to the calamity going on around him. With a flick of his wrist he knows he can take out any person he wants. The second he gets to the trees, where the air is cooler, it’s startling how much quieter it is. No wonder this is your preferred hiding spot.

He thanks the quiet a thousand times over because if it had been any louder he wouldn’t have heard you scream.

It’s so short it’s almost indiscernible, but he knows it’s you based on how his body movies before his brain does. It snaps something in him, the adrenaline transformed into something acerbic, determined.

“Don’t fucking scream again.” A cluster of boys are stationed around you. You’re leaning back in the dirt. You barely feel the earth sticking to your skin. Just your heart jostling madly, your fingertips shaking in the ground beside you. “Okay, I won’t, just put the sword down—”

The snarling Aphrodite boy from last night takes a swing at you, and you scramble back just enough to avoid it. “No can do, doll.” His face is twisted with rage. The lackeys he had when you told him off are there too, cornering you against a cluster of trees like you’re some caged animal. There’s a dagger clenched in one of your dirt-ridden fists but you know it won’t do you any good. You can’t fight; you don’t have it in you. But these boys do. And they’re angry.

“Tell me where the flag is,” he orders. The tip of his blade comes under your chin, fogging up with the labours of your breath, your head pressed against the trunk of a tree.

You stutter, “You’re not—You’re not supposed to threaten like this—”

“You embarrassed me in front of all those people yesterday,” he cuts you off. “Thinking you’re so fucking smart. I didn’t even say anything that big a deal but you run your mouth to the entire camp and make me look like the idiot. I thought you were nice.”

The words are laced with poison. You know from the wild look in his eyes that this isn’t about the flag at all.

Tears sting your eyes and the sword grazes your throat. Of course this is happening to you. The one time you feel your father’s rage, when you exemplify the thing you’re told to be, you are punished.

You are never going to be the right kind of daughter.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you try to say it evenly, but your breath is so ragged it’s barely audible. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that.” You mean it, but they won’t care.

The boy’s face looks pleased at your tears. It makes you inexorably ashamed. “Some fucking Ares kid,” he snorts. “Can’t even fight, can you? Can’t even pretend to.” His sword leaves your throat and travels up to your quivering jaw. You’re wordless, white-knuckling the dagger at your side, praying that Luke is somewhere nearby.

“No wonder they stash you back here. You’re useless.” His eyes scan every part of you, and the idea of him knowing what you look like forever is so revolting it makes you want to vanish. “Too bad you’re alone, though. Nobody’s gonna know I was here because nobody’s gonna hear you.”

Your eyes get wide, and something in your mind rumbles through you like an engine. An urge buried in your blood.

Your dagger tears into his leg just as his sword dashes your arm. The pain is sharp, stinging, but the boy winces and you know you hurt him too. It gives you just enough time to roll out of the way as he lurches forward. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He swears.

Blood drips onto your shorts, splotched with tears. You know you can’t go anywhere because his friends are here and you’re almost certain you’ll be maimed, but you tried. At least you tried.

The Aphrodite boy picks his sword back up, stalks towards you, and then freezes.

Because Luke has just spotted you. And he’s spotted the boy that has you on the ground.

And he’s the best fucking swordsman Camp Half-Blood has seen in three hundred years.

“If you don’t get away from her right now I’m putting this through your skull.” He emerges from the foliage, his sword raised, sweat dripping down his face. You have never seen anyone look angrier. He has never felt angrier.

The boy blanches, and Luke sees how easily his lapdog friends shrink in his presence. Good.

“Woah, easy,” the boy holds his hands up in mock surrender and tries to flash a smile but it’s just fucking pathetic. His arms are shaking and his throat bobs about a million times. “We’re just playing the game.”

“Like hell you are,” Luke spits. “You gang up on my girlfriend and you expect me to believe this is fair play? Want me to tie you all together and push one of you off a cliff to keep the spirit going?”

“Didn’t know she was yours,” the boy tries to shrug but again, it’s a miserable attempt that only makes Luke feel stronger.

“Not that it matters but yes, you do,” Luke chuckles thickly. “I beat your ass in sword training last week. You know exactly who I am. And I’m sure you know who you are, so it’s obvious you’re playing out of your league here.”

Out of the corner of his eye he sees you still cowering, blood dribbling down your arm. He wants to tear the world apart. “Apologize and maybe I don’t send you to the infirmary.”

“We just want the flag, man,” the boy swallows.

“And I want your head on a stick. Want to see who gets what first?”

It’s too provocative an insult for a moron like this to ignore, so soon Luke has the pleasure of disarming five bitter boys that have clearly never been good at a single thing in their life. He tears through them like sheets of paper, knocking them to the dirt, ripping their clothes. He thinks of you, just you, your honest heart and patient hands, and it’s enough to fuel him for a millennia.

The last boy, the leader, is at Luke’s mercy, and he has none to give. The flat of Luke’s blade is pressed horizontally against the boy’s neck, an angering similarity to the position he had you in earlier. “If you ever do this again, I’m going to kill you.”

“You’re—fucking—crazy—” The boy wheezes, the length of the blade squeezing his throat against a tree trunk. “I’ll—I‘ll tell Chiron.”

Luke has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep him from doing something he regrets. “Oh yeah? You want me to tell Chiron how you harassed and terrorised a girl in the middle of the forest all in the name of play? Want me to tell him what you said to her last night at the campfire? Because I’m sure it won’t take much for him to get rid of your ugly face as it is, and I’m a camp counsellor.”

He knows it’s not the most morally correct use of his title. He knows he might be stepping over the line. But he also knows you’re always being ignored or trampled over and he’s tired of pretending like he doesn’t give a damn. He’s tired of people trying to force you into something you’re not. Of you crying in his bed at night because they’re trying to drag a violence out of you that isn’t there. Always in the name of fucking play.

Luke takes the sword off the boy’s neck and shoves him backwards. His calf is bleeding, not a deep wound, but a wound nonetheless, and Luke is full of pride when he realizes you did that. The boy’s bad leg makes him wobble and fall at the force of the push. Luke enjoys watching the scramble. “I—I was just trying to be nice, it’s not my fault she took it the wrong way!” The boy flails his hands in the air, rising to his feet again, and Luke shoves him down twice as hard. A piece of his shirt tears off in Luke’s hand.

“You’ve gotta stop talking or I really am going to kill you,” he seethes. “Don’t touch her ever again. Go.”

Luke is sure he looks homicidal right now because the guy finally tumbles his way down the hill. His body fades into the distance, swallowed up by shrubbery and sweat.

The second he’s gone Luke tosses his sword and armour and gets back to you. “Shit,” he mutters, kneeling down. You’re still shaking, your head in your arms, and all his hatred morphs into a love so desperate it terrifies him. “Angel, come here. Let me see.” He lifts your face with his hands and scans you rapidly. “Did he hurt you anywhere else? Anywhere?”

“Just my arm,” you whimper. “My arm.”

He knows it’s not the cut that’s hurting you; it’s long, but thin, and it’s not bleeding too thickly. He takes the cloth from the Aphrodite boy’s shirt and wraps it around your arm, knotting it at the end. “All right, that should be better.”

You look at him with watery eyes, and he knows all you need is for him to hold you. He folds you in his arms and leans against a stump. You can’t get close to him fast enough. The tip of your nose buries itself in his neck and he feels the dampness of your cheeks on his skin. “It’s okay, sweetheart, you’re safe,” he soothes, pressing a kiss to your hair. “I’m so sorry.”

Guilt swaths over him for a brief moment; he wonders if he shouldn’t have done all that, if he should’ve been more sensible. Then your lips form a ‘thank you’ against his skin and all is forgotten.

You feel so small. The shock is still running its course, so all you can do is cry it out. Your hands still shake when you thread your fingers through Luke’s necklace to steady them. He soothes you the best he can, running his hand along your spine, all the sharpness of his voice softened just for you. “You’re all right, angel. I’m not going anywhere.”

You stay like that for a while. The sounds of the forest return to you; leaves in the wind, birds chirping, Luke’s breath tickling your hair. You crane your head up to nuzzle your nose against the faint stubble of his jaw. “My hero,” you murmur, and feel his skin shift as he smiles.

“Couldn’t have done it without you. Saw the cut you gave him on his leg.” He kisses your temple. “I hope it gets infected.”

You giggle weakly no matter how you try smothering it in his chest. “Gods, you’re awful.”

“He deserves it! I probably should have killed him!”

“You came pretty close, didn’t you?” You mumble. Luke’s expression is wary, but you smile to yourself and it dispels everything. “I was hoping you’d come.”

“Good. Serves them right, messing with you like that. Fucking idiots.” He kisses your face again for good measure, “You sure they didn’t get you anywhere else, princess?”

You nod but you know you look wounded. You nudge into the crook of Luke’s neck again. “They … you know, it’s just … the usual stuff.” Every word weighs a pound as it comes out. Your heart feels sore.

Luke tenses again instantly. “What usual stuff?”

“Um, just—” The shame gets caught in your throat. “They all think I’m useless, Luke. Why can’t I do this right?”

You start to cry again, but he just holds you closer. Sometimes it surprises you how much patience he has. He prides himself as the harsher one between the two of you, but you don’t know who he’s fooling with the way he always knows how to comfort people.

“I don’t know what to do,” you continue, blinking back tears, “I’m not—I’m just not good at this, I don’t know why I’m in Ares, I don’t know why I can’t … be that. Why is he my father? I’m no good at being angry. I want to be angry.”

Luke’s quiet for a moment. Nothing changes except his hand rubbing circles on the nape of your neck again. Then he sighs deeply and says, “You don’t owe your father a damn thing. You don’t owe anyone anything.” He’s resolute, firm, a sharp contrast to his gentle kiss on your hairline. “You’re the smartest, most generous person I know. You need those people in battle. You’ll lose if you don’t.”

The warmth of his skin prompts you to look up at him. He looks different so often, the way he can shift between so tough and so gentle. Sometimes, like now, he’s caught in the middle, the remains of a furious sweat hardening his face, but his eyes are nothing but tender. You think it’s how you like him best.

“Besides, we’re not our parents, right? Who cares about Ares anyway?” Luke shrugs.

“Luke! Don’t say that!” your tears turn into a giggle. “The Gods might punish you!”

“I’ll handle it. There’s enough fight in me for the both of us.”

“Okay, tough guy,” you mutter with a weak smile.

You’re still sniffling. He runs his thumbs across your cheeks, and his gaze softens. “You’re an Ares kid because you are a fighter, angel. You just fight a hell of a lot smarter than the rest of us. Best one I know. Well, other than me.”

It makes you smile. “So second-best?”

“Tied for first.”

He kisses you with that stupid roguish smile. It’s salty with tears and sweat, but it mends your heart anyway. There is nowhere in the world you’d feel safer.

“I love you,” he says against your cheek. “Be as sweet as you want. If anyone has anything to say about it I’ll mess ‘em up good.” Your face warms as his voice drops to your ear, “And I know you’re an Ares kid because you’ll encourage it every time. You might not have a violent bone in your body, but you sure don’t have a problem with me using mine.”

“Diplomatically, Luke. Diplomatically.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you want.”

You can’t help but kiss him again. You’re not entirely sure why he loves you so much, why you love him so much, but you never feel quite as secure as when you’re with him.

Cheers boom from the other side of camp. Luke’s head perks up like a dog, and you turn back to search for spots of red or blue. “Did we win?” You ask, craning your head to get a better view.

“Don’t care,” Luke says.

You look back at him. His anxious face says it all. “Yes, you do.”

“Okay yes, I do, and I need to see if those douches found our flag so I can choke them out with it.”

You laugh, standing so Luke can jog off to see the state of your team. But before he goes, he picks you up and smothers you in kisses, holding you like you’re his prize.

You are not a fighter, but your boyfriend sure is. And you’re perfectly okay with that.

#perrie’s fics #perrie’s requests #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #pjo #pjo x reader #charlie bushnell #luke castellan comfort #luke castellan x you #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan fic #luke castellan fluff #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo fic #i kind of hate this i think I’M SORRY #but some parts of it are interesting so oh well #luke castellan you are fucking crazy.

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