#i’m in some level of pain 24/7 because of my skin condition.

[dandelion-grl]

the way i have. no energy for fandom discourse anymore, like the way some of y’all are still so active in stirring up discourse over fiction for no reason should be studied i think

#i’m in some level of pain 24/7 because of my skin condition. #i don’t care about shipping discourse #anti discourse #discourse is stupid #let people do what they want #spitter spits

[rhetoricalrogue]

31 Days of Wayhaven: Day 7

Prompt: Sleep Rating: G Words: 2,061 Characters: Cameron Buchanan, Penelope Fisher Summary: Three times during their partnership where there was only one bed.

For the @31daysofwayhaven event.

June 24, 1999 Classified Agency safehouse, north of Nepal

“There’s only one bed.”

Cameron sighed.  “I’d hoped that there would be at least two when the place was assigned to us.  Sorry.”  

Exhausted, Penelope dropped her hiking pack to the ground and pulled off her thick winter coat.  “Rock, Paper, Scissors you for it?”

He shook his head, going over and grabbing one of the spare pillows.  “No need, I’ll take the sofa.”  It was a short loveseat that he was certain his long legs were going to drape uncomfortably over the side, but he was too tired to complain.  While the two of them weren’t exactly a unit unto themselves, they’d been recently partnered up.  This whole “mission” was an Agency-mandated exercise to get to know the other better as well as to check up on the lone Yeti that made this part of the Himalayas.  There hadn’t been a sighting in some time and the Agency was growing concerned over their well-being.  

Penelope moved over to the tiny stove in the middle of the similarly tiny shack on the side of the mountain and started it up.  “I’m tempted to just sleep in wolf form to fight the worst of the cold.” She trailed off.  “Shit.  I’m sorry, Cameron.”

He waved her off.  “Don’t be, it’s okay.”

“It was insensitive of me.”

Cameron walked over to the fire and warmed his hands.  The loss of his sealskin was still a sensitive topic for him nine years after the fact, but he was trying his best to overcome the pain.  His burns had long since healed over, but the cold was making the worst of the scars sting and the muscles underneath stiffen.  “It’s okay, I promise.  And it was a smart idea; fur would be an advantage right about now.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“No.”  He turned his back to give Penelope privacy as she shed her clothing, his ears picking up the sound of material being folded.  He smiled as he also heard her curse and teeth chatter before the unfamiliar prickle of magic made the hair at the back of his neck stand on end.  

His chest tightened.  For the briefest of seconds, he almost remembered how it felt to change from man to seal.  “See?  Lots more comfortable, I bet.”  He eyed the too-short sofa then the bed that in her current form, was far too small for Penelope.  “If you’re not using it, you mind if I do?”

Penelope gave a soft huffing noise before curling her body close to the stove.  Cameron took that as a sign enough and only taking off his boots and coat, curled into bed.  It wasn’t long before the warmth of the stove and the heat radiating off Penelope’s larger frame lulled him to sleep.

November 12, 2009 Las Vegas, Nevada

“There’s only one bed.”

“Did you expect anything less?” Penelope asked, kicking off her heels the second she stepped foot in the hotel room.  It was classier than what they had been staying at, and while she could hold her own in more rustic conditions, she did appreciate the nicer accommodations when they were given to them.  “We’re supposed to be man and wife for this investigation.”

“Could you say that a little louder?” Nicolo’s voice hissed in their ear.  “I don’t think everyone listening heard you.”

Cameron undid the cufflinks at his wrists and loosened his tie.  “Please, we’re surrounded by nothing but humans.  Our cover is still good.”  The sooner they could get out of this situation, the better.  There had been a rash of supernatural children being kidnapped and the Agency had narrowed a trafficking ring to the very hotel they were staying at.  Some rich humans were selling the children to the highest bidders under the guise of a charity gala.  Cam’s blood boiled as he recalled the past hour of putting on a smiling mask and listening as one after another, people were spreading the rumor that a supernatural child’s blood was the key to everlasting youth.

“Calm down,” Penelope told him, coming up to him to undo his tie.  “Your hackles are raised.”

“And yours aren’t?”

She sneered.  “I was instructed to not shift and murder everyone on sight.  If I had to hold my temper while being pawed at by greedy old men, then you can do the same.”  She sighed and swayed towards him.  “I want this over with.”

He bent his head so he could press his forehead against hers.  “I know.  Soon.”

“Not soon enough.  Those poor kids.”  She closed her eyes tightly.  “I keep thinking about my nieces and nephews.  If any of them had been taken…”

Cam’s arms went around her and hugged her tightly.  “We would be doing the same thing.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”  Children had always been a soft spot in Penelope’s priorities, and just the thought of any of them being used for some horrendous belief that their blood could prolong human life was enough to make her want to rip everyone in the room they had just been in to shreds.

“Come on,” Cam told her, his lips at her brow.  “We’ve got a few hours; get some sleep so we can end this with the other agents.”

Nicky’s voice buzzed in their earpieces.  “Both of you get some rest.  I’m tapped into the security system and the rest of the Agency techies are covering the rest of the hotel.  We’ll need you both at your best to take those fuckers down.  Anything happens, I’ll let you know.”

“He’s got a point,” Penelope said, breaking away to head to the bathroom.  Cam heard the rustle of fabric and she emerged wearing a more practical outfit for combat.  He traded places with her and came out wearing pretty much the same.  

“Pick a side,” he told her, tidying the room to get rid of some nervous energy.  He’d memorized the layout of the hotel long before they had entered the infiltration phase of the operation.  He’d met with the other commanding agents from the other units assigned to the case.  Alpha and Bravo were in various staging locations, along with Delta and Echo agents.  

Their bags were packed before he even realized what he’d been doing, so caught up in going over mission objectives.  At least it was one less thing for them to have to do post-operation.

“Come to bed,” Penelope called, and Cameron froze.  She’d taken her hair down from the stiff twist it had been in most of the evening and it cascaded down over her shoulders to fall in a silvery puddle at her waist.  They’d been partners for a little under ten years and there wasn’t a person alive that he trusted more than her.  Silently taking her advice, he climbed into bed and tried to relax.

“Everything will happen as planned,” she told him.

“You think so?”

Her hand slid into his and she laced their fingers together.  “I know so.”

He squeezed her fingers, running his thumb along the side of her hand.  “Then I believe you.”  Closing his eyes, he let the steady sound of her heartbeat send him into a light, yet somehow restful sleep.

April 15, 2015 Portree, Isle of Skye

“There’s only one bed.”

“I know.” Penny put her bag down beside an easy chair and crossed her arms over her chest.  “The rates were a lot cheaper for two singles instead of a single and a double.”

His eyebrow quirked and he gave her a halfhearted smirk.  “I guess frugality won over concern for my virtue.  What will the locals think, lass?” 

She rolled her eyes, focusing on the way that his normally lilting accent had grown thicker in the days leading up to their arrival of a scenic little town off the west coast of Scotland.  He’d tried to hide it from her and Nicky, but they could both tell that this mission was a difficult one for him.  “Talk to me, Cam,” she said softly, watching as he opened the door leading out to the small balcony.  He left it open, which she took as a cue that he wanted her to follow.

“I haven’t been in this area in years,” he quietly confessed, eyes sliding shut as the breeze coming off the water pushed his hair back.  “Can you hear the waves, Pen?  They call to me.”  He wrapped his hands around the metal railing and held on tightly until his knuckles turned white.  He opened his eyes and there was such a depth of sadness within them that Penelope’s heart ached. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve heard this particular call.  Like a mother welcoming her son home.”

“Are you all right?”

“No.”  He let out a shuddering breath, one of his hands reaching up to touch the back of his neck where the edge of a faint burn scar began.  “I’m afraid,” Cameron told her, his voice barely audible above the sound of the sea.

“Of?”  She moved so she was closer to him, their arms touching as a way to anchor him to her, to the moment.

“The Agency sent me specifically to come and help this pod of selkies because on some level, they’re my kinsman.  But what if they hold this,” he pushed up the sleeve of his sweater over his arm, the discolored splotches on his forearm standing out in harsh contrast to the rest of his skin, “against me and think me unworthy of their notice?”

She frowned.  “Then they aren’t worth calling kin.  Family is family, no matter if they can shift or not.  If they refuse to work with you, then fine.  We can send another agency unit in to talk.  They were the ones to contact us in the first place.”

He was silent as he stared out to the sea, but he leaned against her, their shoulders touching.  “I’m so glad that you’re here with me.  Nicky too, even if he’s done nothing but complain about the cold since we got here.”

She gave him a smile and bumped her shoulder companionably against his.  “We’ll get through this mission together, then head back home.”  She didn’t know if her statement was supposed to comfort him or if it was a warning that his visit so close to the shores and waters he used to call home was going to be a short one.

“You’re right.”  Stepping away from the balcony, he made his way back inside.  “Jet lag is absolute murder, I’m beat.”

“Then pick a side.  I’m going to go check in on Nicky, see how he’s settling in.  Do you want any dinner, or do you want to grab something later?”

“Maybe later.  I’ll probably crash out until morning.  Don’t worry about waking me up when you come in, you know I usually sleep like a rock when we move time zones.”

True to his word, Cam was out like a light when Penny came back to their room, not even stirring when she slid into the king sized bed with him.  She hadn’t expressed it, but she worried about him, being so close to home after being away for twenty-five years.  While it wasn’t quite near the same area as the little fishing village he’d last called home, it was close enough for concern.  Moving to her side, she stared at his sleeping face until eyes not able to stay open any longer, she succumbed to sleep herself.

Unlike Cam, she was an incredibly light sleeper who woke at the barest of movements.  She didn’t alert him to her wakefulness when he slid out of bed, and she didn’t turn at the sound of the balcony door gently opening and closing.  She did finally turn in time to see Cam, wearing only a pair of sweatpants that hung loosely to his hips, resume his stance out on the balcony, his back to her and his face to the sea.

For the first time in the sixteen years she’d known her partner, she feared that their mission would end and she and Nicky would be the only ones returning to the Agency.  Turning around to give him and his thoughts privacy, she reached out, pulling the pillow next to her that still smelled of his shampoo close and hugging it tightly to her chest.

#31daysofwayhaven #my writing #Unit Charlie #cameron buchanan #penelope fisher

[eldritchsurveys]

984.

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? >> That’s a good question. Sparrow sees me in various states of undress sometimes, but I don’t remember the last time I was fully naked long enough to be seen by anyone. The only time I’m nude is when I’m in the shower or putting on moisturiser directly after said shower (which I do in my room).

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? >> I don’t want to do this. I wouldn’t want to do that to the person, either, like... that sounds traumatic as fuck. (Now, if it were an Inworld type of situation, that’d be way different.)

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? >> Various aspects of myself, I guess. But maybe they’re not truly lost. I have no way of knowing right now.

4. How would you describe your current mood? >> Neutral. I am rarely in an actual mood of any sort when I get this question, obviously -- I tend to only do surveys when I’m in this state, because it’s hard to focus on survey questions (or anything, really) if I’m actively having an emotion.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? >> I don’t remember.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? >> I don’t know, lying isn’t something I normally do -- unless lying by omission counts, because I don’t say literally everything that I’m thinking or tell everyone literally everything about a situation. Or whatever.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? >> Inworld.

8. What is your earliest memory? >> I have a vague impression of being on the floor of a dog breeder’s house? When we got my childhood dog Roxie, I guess.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? >> I often drink alone just because I’m in the house alone during the times when I’m most likely to drink. I like to just vibe, and not have to worry about “putting on my human suit” or whatever. Sometimes I like to be weird and dreamy or dance-y and vibrant when I’m intoxicated and I like to have space to do that.

10. What type of a drunk are you? >> I don’t know, I haven’t been drunk in a long time. I think at this point in my life I’m probably just a sleepy, cranky drunk. Which is partly why I don’t drink nearly enough to get there, lol.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? >> Death is the Road to Awe means a lot to me because The Fountain as a whole means a lot to me and the music is a big part of that whole yarn-ball of meaningfulness. It’s something I really can’t explain. The feelings I have about the movie and the song are on the “this is actually kind of painful in its intensity” level of emotional connection.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? >> I don’t remember. Revealing my feelings isn’t a common activity here in Mordredland, as I’m sure is obvious, and I rarely have any remarkable (or share-able) feelings about people anyway.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? >> I think the last time I was in a hospital was when Sparrow’s sister had her child.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? >> ---

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? >> I don’t classify drugs this way, so I don’t know how to answer this question. The drug I know I will never try is crack, and a drug I am interested in trying is shrooms.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? >> ---

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? >> I am uninterested in the “good person” designation. I just want to be valuable to and loved by a few people, maybe. That’d be nice.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? >> I don’t think I have an overall life philosophy, because that seems terribly impractical at best. Life is so complex. Maybe that’s a philosophy -- rejoice in and value the complexity of life. *shrug* 

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? >> Hmm. I think a living thing should be allowed to live out its life and not be abused or willfully subjected to conditions that disrupt its quality of life. That’s really it, though.

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? >> I don’t remember the last time that happened.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? >> I don’t know what the worst thing I’ve done to myself is, but one not-great thing I’ve done to myself is become a chronic self-injurer. One not-great thing someone else has done to me is, well, I don’t know, physically abuse me repeatedly?

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? >> I’m not sure.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? >> The fact that he emotionally abused me, probably. That’ll do it.

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? >> There are a lot of things I haven’t “gotten over” because their traumatic nature changed the way I am as a person and now I have to deal with that. I don’t really see a point in forgiveness, personally -- what I do see a point is forgiving myself and treating myself better than I’ve been treated.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? >> I don’t remember.

26. Where did your last injury come from? >> I don’t know! I just have this random gouge on my finger, like someone just took a small sample of my skin.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? >> Trying to describe the things I like is hard because 1) it’s often dependent on context and 2) it’s more... specific kinds of things happening in specific kinds of situations and I don’t want to like, have to lay out a whole scenario, lol.

28. What are you like during arguments? >> I have an insanely heightened physical response to conflict, for some reason (I say “for some reason” like I’m not literally post-traumatic, but I don’t know what exactly contributed to this particular symptom) -- crazy heartbeat, flushed skin, shaking, the whole nine. So I guess I’d say I go full monkey-brain during arguments and I tend to do/say whatever will get me the fuck out of the situation because I cannot process anything but “I’m in danger and these people are dangerous and did I mention DANGER”. I’ve been working on trying to express myself rationally during perceived-conflict or actual-conflict situations, but it’s a long process and mostly I just try to avoid getting into the position to begin with.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? >> *shrug* Who knows.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? >> Everywhere, when a person I’m available to in that way is doing it. (So, Inworlders.)

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? >> I don’t look into people’s eyes, period. It’s the practice of eye contact itself that is inconceivably difficult for me.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? >> I really don’t remember the last time I was legitimately furious (and not just using bluster to suppress a more vulnerable feeling).

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? >> Why was I in Honolulu, though...? I need more context for this situation that I cannot imagine myself in.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? >> Well, obviously I tell my spouse, and then I guess... some people I hang out with online? I don’t know what I would do with my remaining days because I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that situation and how it would change my priorities. And, of fucking course I’d be afraid.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Usually when someone says that, a list of two things would follow. <--

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? >> I don’t work, so that’s the first problem with this question. In a general sense, though, I would probably risk a consequence of that caliber in order to try to save a life if I can. (I don’t know about this specific situation, though, because I can’t swim...)

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? >> It’s people that I trust and love (those are the same thing, sorry, I don’t get how they can be separate *shrug*) that would have the best chance of hurting me, because of the emotional attachment...

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? >> ---

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? >> No, man, we went through this already in an earlier question. No matter how you present the circumstances, I’m not bringing anyone back from the dead, period.

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? >> Well, I don’t know???

41. Does love = sex? >> Inworld, it does, because that’s just how it works for Us.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? >> ---

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? >> I haven’t done that in a long time, idk.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? >> I think the “I don’t love you back” conversation would be way harder, lmao. People get really upset about that sort of thing.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? >> *shrug*?? 

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? >> ---

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? >> No.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? >> My apartment is on the third floor... my biggest concern would be “how the fuck is this person walking on air???” I don’t know why I’d want anyone in particular with me -- why, so we can both be killed by this apparent superhuman? lmao.

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? >> If I felt confident in my ability to perform CPR, I might. I think it’s mostly the fear that I’m going to do it wrong and... idk, kill the person quicker? that would prevent me from doing it. It does sound vaguely irrational when I write it out like that, but hey.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? >> ---

51. Are you old fashioned? >> No.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? >> I’m not “nice to” people. I just treat people with basic respect and consideration, and of course I expect that in return...

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? >> ---

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? >> ---

55. What was the last thing you ate? >> A few toasted vanilla Smashmallows.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? >> ---

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? >> I don’t think any of the things that ended my friendships were stupid. It just sucked.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for? >> Inworld, probably... an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours? Outworld, I don’t remember or care.

59. What reality shows do you watch? >> I don’t think I watch any. I’m trying to think if anything I’ve watched on purpose qualifies as “reality” and I... don’t think so? Untold Stores of the ER is basically just dramatisations of allegedly-real stories, so maybe that’s the closest thing to reality tv that I watch? Man, I do love that show. Oh, wait, those cooking shows! Those are reality TV, right? Okay, yeah, I watch stuff like that.

60. Post a video of yourself here: >> No.

61. Where do you work? >> ---

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? >> ---

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? >> I don’t have a designated place where I buy most of my clothes. I shop for clothes so infrequently that it’s really just “wherever has the specific item that I want”.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? Getting tired of the unrealistic hypotheticals. <-- My constant mood with surveys.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? >> ---

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? >> Zero.

67. What kind of music do they have? >> ---

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? >> Oh, but I would go to either...

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? >> Yay :)

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? >> Ha! Hilarious.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? >> ---

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? >> Inworld I will spend all day cuddling if I can. Outworld, I legitimately cannot remember the last time I initiated a hug with someone. It’s been years.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 46: I’ll Make It Up To You

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39; Chapter 40; Interlude 5; Chapter 41; Chapter 42; Chapter 43; Chapter 44, Chapter 45

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

Taglist: @drchee5e @hey-its-laura-again @thepixiedustfactory

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: Yay, finally a new chapter! ^^ I'm truly sorry that I couldn't finish this as announced in November. But my daughter decided to come a little earlier than expected, throwing off many of our plans... We're both doing fine though. :)

This chapter... Is, for the most part, self-indulgent fluff. I hope you won't mind. ;) But there's also another bit, one I know many of you have been waiting for since forever. ;) The title comes, again, from an Imagine Dragons song, 'I'll make it up to you' this time. It's a rather fitting song for Hiccup right now, don't you think?

. o O o .

After their long discussion about how County Ravenledge could be claimed and improved, Astrid and the others having left, Hiccup was left with a chaotic whirlwind of emotions.

On the one hand, he was excited and elated by this apparently simple and direct solution to their problems. They had a plan, and if everything worked out, there was nothing in the way of him and Astrid being together. It would be a difficult path to follow, for sure, with the overwhelming prospect of ruling an entire county of people whose culture and customs he hardly knew. It was more than a bit intimidating, the more he thought about it, especially given the conditions of the place. But if that was what the Gods demanded of him, then he would do it. 

But on the other hand... he was anxious, so much so that his hands wouldn’t stop clenching nervously, no matter what he did to distract himself. Eret, Dagur, and even Astrid seemed convinced that Grand Duke Oswald and the King would agree to give him the title without much resistance, but in the privacy of his own thoughts, he wasn’t so sure about that. Those powerful men knew about his life, knew enough to know how much of a failure he was, in pretty much every aspect. Why would they agree to support him so openly? 

It wasn’t as if they could win anything out of this, could they?

Later, as he helped Eret get out of the elaborate and dust-and-sweat-fouled day-clothes he was wearing, he couldn’t keep from asking the question which had buzzed in his mind like a bee. “Why are you doing all this for us?” 

With a pained groan, Eret laid back on his bed as Hiccup brought the bowl of warm water over from the hearth. It was essential to keep the wound on Eret’s chest as clean as possible, and since it was difficult for Eret to do so himself, it was Hiccup’s responsibility to help him. “What do you mean?” he replied, sounding puzzled and tired after a long exhausting day.

“Everything,” Hiccup said after a short pause, shrugging. “I understand that you care for Astrid and want to see her happy. But all this goes far beyond that. Supporting me in this… You know as well as I do how that could backfire and weaken you, politically I mean. So… why?”

The plan was that Astrid, Dagur, and Eret would speak with their fathers in the morning, during or possibly even before their common breakfast. It made sense, of course; it was better to wait until then instead of approaching them now in the middle of the night and dealing with them while they were grumpy. They’d talked for a long while and by now, half the castle had to be asleep already. But waiting until the morning to get the confirmation was hard. And even though Hiccup knew that Eret might have his own reasons for supporting him, reasons that wouldn’t necessarily convince the most powerful men and leaders of the Kingdom, he still hoped that his answer would ease his mind at least a little bit.

Eret chuckled, interrupted by the occasional wince as Hiccup cleaned the area around the cut on his chest. “Two reasons,” he eventually replied. “First: I know you. And I trust you. We trust you. You’re a good man, Hiccup, honest, reliable, and diligent. You’re going to be a good leader to those battered people. As Dagur said, it’ll take time. But I’m sure that, under your leadership, County Ravenledge and its people can thrive again. So supporting you is definitely not a waste of time or effort. It’s for the good of the people, and that’s what our main interest should be, right?”

Hiccup nodded, inwardly hoping that he could live up to this trust, these expectations. “And… the second reason?” he asked cautiously. 

Eret sighed, his eyes falling closed. “The second reason is that we know only too well how it is to love without hope. Dag and I… we knew right from the start that our love had no future. We were prepared. But even though we always knew our time would be limited… Actually having it come to an end with the wedding just… just hurt! And even though we’ve got a reprieve of some sort now, we know it’ll end someday. Just thinking about it is driving me insane.” He paused and took a deep breath before letting it out again. “For you, it’s different though… for you, there’s hope. It might be a slim hope and the road to reach it will be hard, but it’s possible. So we want to help you in whatever way we can, simply because that is something we can do.”

Hiccup nodded again, putting the water away and handing Eret a piece of cloth to dry himself up. “Thank you,” he murmured. It was far too little to convey the gratitude he felt, but it was all he could come up with. 

However, it seemed to be enough for Eret. “Anytime,” he replied in a light voice. “But now, you better leave. Tuff should be here any minute now. And I want to say ‘Have a good night’, but... but I’d rather it not get too good if you know what I mean, so…”

Hiccup was incredibly glad that he wasn’t facing Eret at the moment, that he wouldn’t notice the blush on his face. “Don’t worry,” he mumbled awkwardly. “I won’t risk losing her again.” 

He hadn’t meant to say those last words out loud; they’d slipped off his lips before he’d been able to think about it. And, as expected, there was a confused frown on his cousin’s face when he turned back to face him. But since he didn’t ask, Hiccup didn’t feel obliged to explain himself and quickly changed the topic. “Is there anything else you need? Before I leave, I mean?”

Still frowning, Eret shook his head, so Hiccup quickly bid him good night and left the elaborate bedchamber.

Once the door closed behind him, Hiccup exhaled deeply. Eret’s brief explanation had soothed him, but only a little. His reasons were understandable enough, and Hiccup wanted to believe that, if the situation was reversed, he and Astrid would also do whatever they could to make it possible for Eret and Dagur to stay together. And as for the other reason… He could only hope that Eret was right and that he would be able to provide a better life for the people of Ravenledge one day. 

If he even got the chance to try. 

He’d been right, Eret hadn’t been able to provide him with the answer he longed for, but at least his words had settled his anxiety to a bearable level. But that helped to ease his chaotic emotions only so much. Because the excitement and anxiety over their plan had only been part of his emotional turmoil. The question about what the months and years to come would bring them was certainly important, but right now, the more immediate future was a little more pressing to him. 

He’d promised Eret that there was no reason to be worried and he was dead set on keeping this promise, to Eret and to himself alike. But there were more facets to that promise than Eret thought. 

Sticking to what Eret was concerned about and not having sex with Astrid until they were truly married wouldn’t be a problem. They’d managed relatively well so far, and the prospect of not having to wait two more years but only a couple of weeks would make holding out even easier. Theoretically, at least.

Practically though, just thinking about tonight – and if it worked as planned the following nights as well – made his entire body tingle in anticipation. Hours of being alone with Astrid, of being free to kiss and to hold her... Gods, how he missed feeling her soft body against his own, his hands exploring her, tasting her lips and her skin, listening to– 

With a low groan, he shook his head, chasing those thoughts away. He couldn’t– no, mustn’t indulge in those fantasies! “Just a few weeks,” he reminded himself in a low whisper, biting his lip in the hope that the pain might help him focus. He had no confirmation of his fears on this matter, no certainty that their getting intimate before had somehow caused their separation. But he also couldn’t shake off the suspicion that that might have been the reason, that his overconfidence had angered the Gods and the temporary separation had been a warning. And he wouldn’t risk losing her again! Even if it meant going weeks or maybe even months without touching her like he wanted to – he would take that unresolved longing over possibly losing her forever at any time. He just hoped Astrid would understand his reticence. 

Because on top of everything else, there was one other aspect that might make keeping his promise to Eret a little more complicated. Knowing Astrid, Hiccup suspected that she was going to disagree with him on this point, but he just knew that it was his fault she’d been through so much pain during the past weeks. If he hadn’t been so stupid, hadn’t given up too soon, hadn’t given in to his longing for her in the first place… 

Sighing, he shook his head. No matter how much he wished it were otherwise, he couldn’t undo the past. But he was going to do everything to keep any more pain away from her from now on. And furthermore, it meant that he’d do everything she asked for, that he would follow her every wish. To make it up to her. 

He was aware of the possible contradiction of these two urges, and his thoughts were still running in circles when Tuff appeared behind one of the elaborate tapestries a little while later. Hiccup rose as he silently beckoned him to follow. Just as Ruff had said, the passage was narrow and clearly didn’t get used regularly, with dust and cobwebs everywhere. But Hiccup didn’t pay much attention to the condition of the space, nervousness and anticipation settling in his stomach. At the end of this walk, he would see her again, be alone with her. And while he was unquestionably looking forward to it, his breath coming fast and even his bad leg moving without complaint in the cramped passageway, there was the point that, as so often before, the night would be a tough balancing act between what he wanted to do and what he had to do.

. o O o .

Agitatedly chewing on her lower lip, Astrid sat at the edge of her bed, her eyes glued to the door. Any minute now, Ruff would lead Hiccup in here. It wouldn't be long anymore, she knew that. But still, every single second of waiting felt like an eternity. 

Gods, she was such a mess.

Ever since she’d overheard the Grand Dukes’ conversation earlier that day, all her thoughts had circled around County Ravenledge and how this could be the solution to their problem. But now that she’d presented this idea to Hiccup and their friends and they’d agreed on a plan, practical reality was catching up with her again. 

She and Hiccup would spend the entire night together, and in contrast to that night after the ball where she’d fallen asleep in his arms, this time they wouldn’t be too exhausted to do… whatever they wanted to do. The thought made her heart beat faster and she balled her hands into fists to keep them from trembling, crumpling the blanket and her nightgown in the process. Gods, why was she so nervous? This wasn’t the first night she spent alone with him, after all. 

But no, she wasn’t nervous. She was excited. And it was because she’d been with Hiccup before that she was so looking forward to this, couldn’t wait for him to finally be here. 

What would the night bring? 

Would this night be a loving reunion after these painful weeks, with slow caresses and exploring each other anew? She could picture it, softly entangled between the sheets of her bed, celebrating their love until the sun rose again. 

Or would they jump right back to how it had been before, heated passionate kisses without preamble? She wouldn’t mind that either. Oh, how she longed for his touch and to feel again the exhilaration only he could bring her. 

But maybe… maybe they would continue where they’d stopped more directly. If Hiccup remembered to bring that pot of scented oil, then… She sucked in a quick breath and bit down on her already slightly swollen lip to keep herself from moaning. All too well she remembered how it had felt to have his fingers inside her. Would he insist on preparing her again for tomorrow night or could they… jump right in? Heat rose to her cheeks, and she wondered whether she could manage to stay a little quieter or what Ruff and Tuff would say in the morning. 

Although… there also was another option. Not that she expected this night to go that way, no certainly not. But maybe… it was a possibility, wasn’t it? Now that the solution for their problem was within reach, maybe they could even go a step further. They would be married in a few weeks – she vehemently refused to entertain the possibility that it could be otherwise. The date for her wedding was set, irrevocably. Nothing would delay or prevent that, her father had made that clear. Was that also true if an inspection by one of Freya’s Gythias revealed that her maidenhead was broken already? That could have happened at any time, during that accident on the ride for example. Or when she vowed to Fyrir Gothi herself that she’d never been intimate with anyone but Hiccup, her husband-to-be? That could work, couldn’t it? Nobody would want to risk a scandal, after all. So even if she fell pregnant tonight… that wouldn’t really matter, would it? 

Astrid’s blood was boiling hotter and her throat went dry at that idea, her vision becoming a little blurry. Gods, why wasn’t Hiccup here already?

In the next moment, she nearly fell off her bed, her heart jumping into her throat and beating furiously, when a knock came from the door. Hastily, she scrambled to her feet, bare on the plush carpet, and called for Ruff to come in.

“Tuff brought something for you,” Ruff announced, smirking when she noticed Astrid’s state, and stepped aside to allow Hiccup behind her to enter. “I’d say I wish you a good night… but–”

“But I’d like to sleep for once,” came Tuff’s voice from somewhere behind her. It made Astrid blush even harder.

Snickering, Ruff shrugged. “There you go. See you two in the morning.” And with those words, she left, pulling the door closed behind her – and leaving Astrid and Hiccup alone in her bedroom. 

A heavy silence fell over them, only interrupted by their audible breathing. This was truly happening. Hiccup was here, in her bedroom! A place where – except for the occasional exception of a healer or her actual brother – nobody but Ruff was allowed. Not even Tuff would enter this room without a damn good reason. And now, she was alone here with Hiccup, with the man she loved, the man she was going to marry. The man whose touch and closeness she craved beyond anything else. 

And they had all night…

. o O o .

Hiccup barely noticed how the door closed behind Astrid’s maidservant. His head was entirely empty, wiped clean since the moment he’d entered. He’d expected that spending the night with Astrid would be intense, but just being here was so much more than he’d anticipated. This room, so personal with pictures and decorations that just screamed Astrid, the bed, so big and inviting, and Astrid herself, hair loosely bound in her usual nighttime braid and dressed in only a thin night shift – it all made for an incredibly heady atmosphere.

“Hey,” Astrid eventually breathed a little shyly after he’d done nothing but stare at her for... he couldn’t say how long. Long enough, probably.

“Hey.” Swallowing hard, Hiccup managed to reply in the same manner. If she’d hoped for more of a reaction though, he couldn’t help but disappoint her, unable to form coherent thoughts or even to move. His eyes lingered where they shouldn’t, on her parted lips, plush and inviting, begging him to kiss them, and on the curves of her breasts and hips barely hidden by the thin fabric around her.

Freya, how much he wanted her… 

His mouth went dry, even swallowing again and licking his lips to wet them not helping in the slightest. He still knew he couldn’t let anything happen, not for real. But it was nigh on impossible to remember that when she slowly came closer, bright eyes filled with warmth and longing holding him hostage. 

When she stretched to kiss him, her lips on his felt so soft, somehow softer even than only hours before or during the one night they'd spent together on Eret's couch. They drew a low groan from somewhere deep in his chest, and without his doing, his hands curled around her waist, pulling her closer. Her response robbed him of the last shred of coherence when her hands grabbed at his hair, fingernails scraping, and she tilted her head to deepen their kiss. 

Hiccup momentarily lost track of everything. All that mattered was the feeling of her lips, the taste of her skin as his mouth wandered down her neck, and the lovely sound of her gasping his name into his ear, silk and lace bunched up between his fingers as he hurled her closer still. Gods, he'd missed this so much, this closeness and heat, the intimacy of reconnecting with the missing part of his soul, with her, and it felt so completely right. 

How couldn’t it be right?

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice was warning him, but it got lost in the flood of sensation she elicited when she gently but determinedly tugged him along. His thighs hit the edge of her bed and without really noticing he kicked off his shoes before they both tumbled onto the soft mattress. 

It was all just a blur. They rolled around on the bed until she lay beneath him, her lithe body tight against his and her hand tugging at him until he was where she wanted him. Her hands were everywhere, in his hair, running down his sides, clutching at his back while her lips stole every coherent thought from his mind. 

Hiccup shook with desire, her touches sending sparks like lightning strikes through his entire body. Heat pooled in his lower belly, so close to where he could feel her against him. Resisting her was impossible. 

Astrid uttered the softest moans when his hands roamed over her body in return, making his head spin and the thin fabric wasn’t enough to keep him from feeling her inviting warmth. He couldn't get enough, was addicted to every noise and every sensation, now after their separation even more so than before. Leaning down, his mouth wandered down her neck, kissing and tasting her, feeling her heartbeat pulsing against his tongue.

A shudder ran through his body when he felt her touch on his bare back beneath his tunic, not hesitant at all where fingers dug into scarred skin. It reminded him of how scared he’d once been of how she would react to his mangled body, to the signs of his failures, and of how much he trusted her now. 

But the reminder also brought a brief moment of clarity to his mind, making him realise what they were doing. He lay on top of Astrid on her bed, with her thin night shift making a poor job at covering her body – especially with the skirt bunched up somewhere around her hips and the neckline nearly dropping off her shoulders. With the way she gazed up at him through dazed eyes and that pink flush on her cheeks, she looked breathtakingly beautiful, almost agonizingly. All he wanted at that moment was to give in, to feel her eager touch on his skin, to let her take off his tunic like she was trying just now, and to not care about the consequences.

But he did care, and greatly so.

"No," Hiccup gasped, fighting to keep his clarity of mind and not give in to her oh so tempting touch. He shook his head as if to clear it and then rolled off her with a groan, hands moving to cover his face. "No, no, we can't… mustn't… no…" 

Gods, he was an idiot! Why had he let it come this far when he’d known to be wary of the temptation? With brutal force, he pulled up the memory of how she’d looked when he’d left her standing in the armoury, of all the pain he’d put her through. No matter how sweet her skin tasted on his tongue, it wasn’t worth risking her being in such pain again. 

Although, it might be too late already. He clearly remembered the pain and confusion on her face whenever he’d pulled away from her before, her insecurities and fear of rejection. Why, oh why, hadn’t he resisted right from the start? If he’d only kissed her without getting carried away and explained himself right away… But he hadn’t resisted, had given in to his desire so readily, and now, he’d done it again, had– 

“What is it?”

Her voice pulled him out of his whirling thoughts like nothing else could. 

He’d expected her to be disappointed and hurt, but there was none of that. Instead, she sounded mostly calm and even a little curious, throwing him off track completely. 

Gulping, he lowered his hands, his eyes finding hers in an instant. They were big, her pupils dilated, and there was a distinct flush on her cheeks, her breath coming a little faster than was normal. But aside from those obvious signs of arousal, she seemed surprisingly composed. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to… to hurt you or reject you.” 

“I know you didn’t,” she replied, her expression turning soft but also a little sad as her eyes dropped back to his lips for a heartbeat.

Hiccup swallowed again and sat up, turning around to better look at hero better talk to her. “You-you’re not… upset? That I wouldn’t...” Breaking off, he only nodded at her, her bare shoulders and neck so alluring that it was hard to even look at her. 

Unintentionally taunting him further, she took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling with it, before she sat up as well. It made her shift slip even further down her arm, but she caught it before it could slip off completely and pulled it back up over her shoulder when she noticed him staring at exposed skin. When he looked up at her face again, she was smiling softly, her eyes gleaming.

“Hiccup, I know that you would never hurt me,” she said, that soft smile becoming even more beautiful somehow. “And I… I trust you, you know? In you and in our feelings, in our bond and our fate. Nothing will ever separate us again.” She frowned as if looking for the right words. “It’s… it sounds silly, I guess. Cocky. But I know that you... want me. There were times where I worried, yes, but those are over. So, if you refuse to touch me now… well, then I know it’s not because you don’t want to. I trust that you have a reason, something I just don’t get yet. But I also know that… I know that I can ask you everything. That I don’t need to be afraid or embarrassed, not ever. So… what is it?”

Hiccup could only gaze at her in awe, lips parting but unable to come up with a response. By the Gods, she was perfect! Once again he wondered what he’d done to deserve having her in his life.

Instead of answering, he leaned in and kissed her again. Maybe that wasn’t the wisest thing to do given how much his heart was still racing from their heated kiss only moments before. But he was more careful now, the kiss more controlled this time, fueled by gratitude and love instead of desire as he lifted his hand to cradle her face. She really was amazing. His thumb caressed her cheek as he ended the kiss and he instead leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he whispered hoarsely.

Chuckling, Astrid retreated. “I love you too,” she replied, the warmth in her eyes almost enough to make him melt then and there. Then they lit up with a teasing spark. “But if that’s the reason why you retreated, then you’ll have to elaborate.”

Hiccup couldn't help but snort in amusement at her remark, even as he grimaced. He just hoped she would still be this understanding after he'd laid out his reasons. With a slight nod, he stood up, putting a little more space between them. He needed to explain himself and getting distracted by her closeness wouldn’t do him much good now.

"You're probably going to think I'm overreacting," he began, taking a few steps up and down her room. Casually, he looked around, taking in random details without really registering them. Doing anything just to not get distracted again. "But, this separation... Somehow, I feel like it was some kind of punishment. Or a warning maybe. I mean, sure, Cami said that what we did, getting intimate and all, wasn't against the rules. But even she can't know what the Gods really want." Hiccup paused, warily glancing over at her. But she didn't say anything, sitting at the edge of the high bed and watching him with her head cocked in confusion, so he quickly went on. "It's just… the timing, you know? Right before we were about to take that huge step and do anal sex, this… this major obstacle was thrown into our way.” Agitatedly, he threw his arms up, gesturing wildly. “And I'm having a tough time accepting that to only have been a coincidence. What if it was a sign instead? A sign that we're supposed to wait until we're truly married. Not just with actually having sex, but also with… well, with everything else.”

He could feel her disappointment now, even though she tried hard to not let it show. “Uh, okay?” she replied, a little insecurely. It was as if he could see the cogs in her head turning until she spoke again. “That’s… well, maybe you’re right, but…” She paused again, thinking, then shook her head. “I don’t think that makes much sense. I mean, it didn’t just happen because of what we did. Me getting married and all that, it had been planned for months, since just before the Midwinter ceremony.”

Hiccup nodded; she had a point, after all. But something about what she’d just said still poked at something in his mind. “Since before Midwinter?” How could she be sure about that?

“At least that’s what Eret mentioned,” she confirmed with a slight shrug. “Something about how Daniel had acted differently from one day to the other. Since that day you all went to meet Cami that first time, remember? He said that Daniel opted out of that visit at short notice and had a long talk with Father instead, and after that, his behaviour changed?”

Hiccup paled, his heart stuttering painfully. “That…” he muttered. “Gods, that’s even worse.” He took a few deep breaths to calm himself and tried to put order into his jumbling thoughts as it was clear that Astrid didn’t understand. “That night… Don’t you remember? That’s when we started. When Cami told me it would be all right to get intimate with you if we didn’t go too far and when you were waiting for me at the stables then, when we–”

“– when you made me come the first time,” she completed his sentence. There was understanding in her voice now, regret in her eyes. 

He nodded again, gulping. “Exactly. And if that’s the night when your father decided to pull your wedding forward and to thwart all my plans to gain a title… Yeah, no, I really don’t believe that’s a coincidence!”

Astrid still didn’t seem convinced though. Chewing her lower lip, she slowly shook her head, thinking. “I don’t know, Hiccup. That’s just–” 

“Exactly,” he interrupted her gently, stepping closer and reaching for her hand. “I don’t know either. But I’m not going to risk losing you again.”

At that, all her doubts and worries melted off her features and got replaced by something immeasurable softer. She pulled him closer and firmly intertwined her fingers with his. “You won’t lose me. Ever.”

Hiccup couldn’t help but return her soft smile, squeezing her hand but not replying directly. He wouldn’t take her or their future for granted again. 

“So,” Astrid went on after a short pause, “what exactly does this mean now? Will you stay here tonight?”

Sighing, Hiccup nodded. Of course, strictly thinking even him being here and alone with her went far beyond what he should do. He should apologise to Astrid, thank her servants for their help, and leave, should not risk getting overwhelmed by temptation again. It would be the prudent thing to do. But even with all logical reasoning and pondering, there were things he simply couldn’t do – and staying away from Astrid was one of them. 

“Yes, I will. I don’t know anymore which rules apply to us, so… Well, in that vision I had, the Goddess told me that I’d have to do what comes naturally to me. So I’ll just have to trust in my own judgement, I guess. And as long as we don’t get carried away, I don’t feel like being here is wrong.”

Astrid visibly relaxed. “That’s good. Because I don’t think so either,” she replied with a breathy little chuckle, but then became serious again. “But what else does it mean? Where would you draw the line? Just… just so I know?” 

She sounded so vulnerable… 

Hiccup gulped, reminding himself once more of how easily he could hurt her, of the power they both had over each other. He raised his hand to brush a strand of hair out of her face, caressing her soft skin as gently as he could. “I think this is all right,” he murmured, leaning closer. “And this, too.” 

His lips brushed over hers and she hummed, mouth twitching into a smile as his tongue poked out to taste her. Slowly, almost despite himself, his hand rose to cup the back of her head, pulling her closer again, deeper into their kiss. Astrid responded with a happy sigh, lips parting to welcome him. 

Quickly, the kiss grew firmer, more heated with breathless groans, tongues swirling, and teeth nipping at soft lips. Hiccup trembled with repressed desire; she was just so wonderful, perfect, everything. But he was careful this time, making sure that his hands stayed near her head, dropping only to her neck and shoulders and not lower. He could feel that Astrid wanted more, wanted to melt against him, to touch him, and he greatly appreciated that she held back nonetheless. His ability to resist temptation only reached so far. 

When he pulled back again, there was a warm glow in her eyes, something that hadn’t been there just a minute ago but which he felt, too. After the months of exploring each other before her birthday, sticking to only rather innocent kisses like this one felt like not enough. But at the same time… it was enough. The closeness and assurance were all they needed, for now at least. Everything else would come back to them over time.

“Yes, I think it’s okay for me to be here,” he repeated, his voice a little rougher than before. “It’s okay for us to kiss, to cuddle, and to hold each other through the night.” 

She nodded and he pulled her closer into his arms, just as she leaned against him too, not resisting when she guided them to lie down again. It wasn’t so they could continue to make out, so it was all right. And it felt so good to hold her like this again! His nose was in her hair, drowning him in that subtle scent of mayweed he’d missed so much, and his arm lightly rested around her waist, her warmth against his chest. He wouldn’t have minded spending the rest of the night like this. 

“I missed this,” she whispered after a while. “This closeness, feeling you, and…” 

She trailed off, squirming a little in his embrace. It made her rub against him in an incredibly enticing way, and with a small grunt, his hold around her waist tightened, keeping her still. Gods, he wanted…

He could feel how she actively restrained herself, almost trembling beneath his hands with the effort of keeping herself from moving further. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled, embarrassed. “I just… well, I’d hope we… that…” She broke off, biting her lip. Then she sighed. “But it’s... it’s okay. I understand. I think. And it’s only a few more weeks.” She turned her head to look up at him, smiling. “I can wait that long.”

Hiccup’s breath caught in his throat. Lying beneath him with that smile on her face, strands of her golden hair all around her on the pillow, illuminated only by the flickering light of the lantern, and with soft understanding glowing in her eyes… Gods, she was so beautiful, inside and out, irresistible. Almost. 

“I’m sorry, too,” he murmured. “For disappointing you and–”

“Hush!” Astrid placed her hand over his lips. “You didn’t. It’s fine.”

Sighing, he closed his eyes and kissed her fingers, softly. It made her giggle, and when she pulled them back again after a minute, he opened his eyes again to look at her. “I love you, Astrid. And… and I promise to make it up to you.” He hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath, but then brought his mouth to her ear, his hand caressing her neck. “Every night, I’ll make it up to you, I swear…”

Astrid’s breath hitched, and for a heartbeat, Hiccup considered stretching his own rules a little, just once. Just letting his hand glide down her barely covered body, playing with her breasts and toying with her clit, just lazily getting her off while stealing the breath from her lungs with his kisses, just this one time. And he almost did it. When she turned her head and her lips found his again, there was a moment when his resolve crumbled and nearly failed him. She clearly wanted, how could he resist her? 

But then he remembered the armoury again, the pain in her eyes as he’d left her standing – and pulled away. 

“Mmh, I can’t wait,” Astrid hummed, her eyes dazed and dreamy as she looked up at him, panting. 

Hiccup resisted the urge to watch her chest rise and fall and instead lay down next to her again, eyes firmly on her face. She didn’t need to know how close he’d been to giving in, how much he wanted to give in. 

They made themselves more comfortable and for a long while just cuddled and enjoyed each other’s company before Astrid broke the silence again. “Can I ask you something?” 

Hiccup frowned. “Of course. Whatever you want.” Hadn’t she just said herself that she could ask him everything? What made her think she couldn’t ask now?

Nodding, she turned around and eyed him somewhat curiously. “It’s… well, you mentioned a few times now that you had another vision. And I was wondering what it was about. I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I had none, so this one clearly was only for you. I’m curious though and thought, maybe, you could tell me about it? Only if you think it’s okay and want to…”

Understanding sparked in his mind and his features softened. “Sure. I don’t feel like it was meant to be a secret.” He shifted into a sitting position that made it easier to talk which Astrid mimicked, leaning against his side. “I was back at that small house we both saw, in the middle of a forest,” he began, trying to remember as many details as possible. “At first, I thought it was just the same vision again, then I noticed the differences. The door wouldn’t open to reveal you, and…” 

. o O o .

Over the course of about half an hour, he told her of the dream-vision the Goddess had sent him, about how he’d needed Astrid's key to open the door, the Goddess wearing her face, and what she’d said to him. He told her everything he could remember and once he’d finished, Astrid was silent for a minute or two, processing what he'd told her. 

"How did you know it wasn't just an ordinary dream?" she eventually asked. 

Hiccup shrugged. "I didn't," he admitted. "Not right away. I spent the entire night and most of the following day pondering. I’d been so convinced that… that there was no hope left for us. But the night before, I’d talked to Cami and she’d said something that made me hope again, even as that wasn’t how she’d meant it. She’d said that, if we really were connected by a true soulbond, then not even the meddling of a King could separate us. She’d tried to convince me that our bond couldn’t be real because you would marry Eret, that I should let you go and move on... But I couldn’t shake off the thought that it also could mean something else, that nothing can ever separate us, not even your father. Because no matter what she said, I knew that our bond had been real. Is real.” He let his hand drop to her chest, and for once it was easy to ignore how close he was to touching her in a way he mustn’t do. Their bond was more meaningful than any physical aspects of their relationship. 

“When I had that dream then…,” he went on. “You’re right, I couldn’t be sure whether it had been only a dream or not, and I spent the rest of the night and most of the following day thinking about it. What it could mean, whether I really was supposed to kill someone or whether that’s just been some imaginary task born from my desperation. I just couldn’t be sure, not… not until your accident and Markor…”

Astrid froze at his words, and he winced when she inhaled sharply, understanding what he was talking about. 

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure what exactly he was apologising for, ending Markor’s life or bringing up his death in the first place. Both in a way. She hadn’t brought that topic up so far, but he could imagine how much losing Markor must have hurt her. And Hiccup literally had his blood on his hands, the image of red sticking to his skin etched forever into his mind. 

She nodded, shifting closer and eagerly leaned against him when he hesitantly opened his arms and offered a comforting hug. “It’s okay,” she mumbled after a while. “Not that he’s… but I’m okay. You couldn’t have changed anything of what happened and… What I mean is… I don’t blame you, you know? On the contrary, I’ll never forget him and I have you to thank for that.” 

She nodded to the side of the bed and Hiccup spotted the wooden horse he’d given her as a Midwinter gift standing on her bedside table. He wasn’t sure how to react, whether to be sad or happy that this gift, that had only ended up in her belongings by chance, now served such an oddly fitting purpose. He’d wanted it to be a reminder of him, but now… It had been him who’d brought Markor into Astrid’s life on that first day at the stables and it had been him who’d taken him away again. Now, this figurine he’d given her was all that was left. Odd how some things fit together sometimes.

“So, until you… until you ended Markor’s suffering, you didn’t know whether what you saw had been real or not?” 

Astrid was clearly trying to change the topic and distract herself, so Hiccup complied. “No, I couldn’t be sure. I spent hours pondering whether it had been merely a dream, wishful thinking, or a true vision.” He paused, taking a deep breath, and reached for Astrid’s hand before he went on; though whether to draw strength or offer comfort, he did not know. “I thought about what the Goddess had said… and whether I was capable of killing someone if it meant I could be with you again.”

Her sharp intake of breath didn’t escape him. “And… did you arrive at a conclusion?” she asked, her tone sober, unreadable. 

Hiccup gulped, then shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “I mean, I’d do everything for you. But this… I don’t know. Maybe? Depending on the circumstances? I don’t think I could… could simply murder a helpless innocent in cold blood. But…” he paused again, averting his face from her scrutinising eyes. “But now that I know how it feels to lose you… I’d be capable of a lot to keep that from happening again.” He knew that she despised unnecessary deaths, so he wasn’t sure whether that was the answer she’d wanted to hear. But it was the truth nonetheless. 

At first, she didn’t respond. After a few endless heartbeats though, she shifted on the bed, leaned closer, and lifted his head with her hand cradling his jaw. “You’ll do what’s right,” she whispered, a sincerity in her eyes that left him breathless. “The Goddess said you’d only have to do what comes naturally to you and I trust your judgement. Everything will be all right.”

Sighing, he closed his eyes and leaned more heavily into her touch, nuzzling against her fingers and softly kissing her palm. “I hope you’re right,” he murmured. 

She kept caressing his face, her touch soft as a feather. “I’d go with what the Goddess told you. There’s always hope,” she said lightly, and even though his eyes were still closed he could hear her smile easily enough. “I do wonder what you’re supposed to do for them, though. That bit about them having a purpose in their selection sounded pretty ominous.”

Hiccup nodded, having wondered about that several times already. “I know. But all we can do is wait and see. She didn’t tell me about anything specific I’m supposed to do – except for that ending a life part.” He shrugged, then grimaced. “I mean, maybe it’s just rebuilding Ravenledge and providing a better life for the people living there. That’s going to be enough of a challenge I’d say.”

“Well, you won’t be alone with that task,” Astrid reminded him, leaning forward until her forehead rested against his own. “We can do this, together. No matter how difficult it will be.”

Smiling, his mouth searched hers for a string of light kisses. “Yeah,” he mumbled in-between against her lips. “Together.” 

It was a heady thought. The last couple of days still hadn’t been enough to completely wipe away the hopelessness and pain of the two weeks before, and thinking about how they would spend their future and meet every obstacle together from now on – sometimes it still felt like too much to wrap his head around. 

“I’ve got to say though,” Astrid interrupted his thoughts, giggling as they lay side by side again. “I’m surprised nothing else happened in that dream-vision of yours.”

“Excuse me?” 

She giggled again, a little more teasingly. “Well, you met the Goddess of Love herself! And even though the situation warranted more, you did nothing but talk and cuddle for a bit? Most people would call that a wasted opportunity.”

Snorting, he rolled his eyes. “What was I supposed to do? Should I have kissed her and made out with her? With a Goddess?”

“Why not?” She was still giggling. “She looked like me after all. Nobody could have blamed you, and you said it yourself, you didn’t even know that it wasn’t really me in the beginning. Or that it was more than just a dream to begin with. It would have been perfectly justified.”

Bemused, he shook his head. She couldn’t be serious, could she? Or was there a hint of jealousy behind her amusement, some underlying worries? But no, that wasn’t like her. When he looked at her though, he noticed the teasing gleam in her eyes, the twitching of her lips. Right…

Smiling, he rolled around until he was on his side, propped up on one arm and leaning over her. Astrid looked up at him, eyes so soft despite the mischievous spark and the deep blue almost enough to lose himself in them again. 

“You want to know why?” he whispered before he brushed a few strands of hair out of her face and then leaned down to kiss her again. “Because she wasn’t you.”

. o O o .

In many aspects, the night hadn’t been what Astrid had expected and yet she wasn’t disappointed, not really at least. Without a doubt, she missed Hiccup’s hands on her body, his touch on sensitive skin, the heat of intimacy. But somehow, she didn’t mind. The night had passed by in another kind of intimacy, with soft caresses and relatively innocent kisses and with a lightness that she found meant even more to her. They’d talked for hours and about so many things, important and trivial alike, and while it hadn’t been the reconnecting she’d craved, it was the one she’d needed. 

When she woke in the morning, she couldn’t keep a broad smile from spreading across her face. Even through her still-closed eyes, she knew that the sun was already rising, but in opposition to their usual routine, there was no need for them to hurriedly wake up and part. There was nothing keeping her from enjoying his arms loosely wrapped around her waist, his low and even breathing in her hair, and the incredibly comfortable heat purring from his body wrapped around her back. There was nothing keeping her from snuggling closer against him, sighing happily as he reflexively pulled her closer. 

Nothing except the loud knocking against her door and Ruff’s voice echoing toward them. 

“Milady? Are you decent?” There was a short pause, then, “I’m coming in now.”

Astrid rolled her eyes and nestled closer to Hiccup behind her as he stirred awake with a low grunt. She’d talked about this with Ruff the night before and they’d agreed on a few things in advance. Mainly that her maidservant wouldn’t just barge into her bedroom like she usually did to wake her. Sadly, there wouldn’t be anything indecent anytime soon anyway, so it was a little moot, really. Unless Ruff wasn’t alone, then she would say so before opening the door so Hiccup had the chance to hide. But as it was, Ruff was alone when she entered the bedroom, so Astrid couldn’t have cared less. She wasn’t ready yet to leave his warm embrace. 

Hiccup, however, jumped awake in an instant. He sat up straight, pulling the blanket up with him, and his face went frighteningly pale as he stared at Ruff before he seemed to remember and relaxed again. Lamenting the warmth, Astrid sat up too and snuggled back against his chest, smiling as he wrapped his arms and the blanket back around her. 

Ruff threw them a smirk, raising her eyebrows at the obvious state of them still being fully dressed, but then turned to pull the curtains open. “I’d say ‘Sorry for interrupting you’, but it doesn’t look like I interrupted anything anyway. I knew Tuff was exaggerating. Anyway, time to get up. Your breakfast is waiting for you at your tea table, Astrid. Hiccup, you get yours in the kitchen as usual. Sorry, but there was no way for me to sneak in your portion without raising suspicion.”

Intending to drown Ruff’s babbling out to enjoy her last minutes with Hiccup for the day, Astrid still perked up, frowning at her maidservant’s words.

“What?”

Ruff turned, an insinuating smirk on her face as she rolled her eyes. “I said your breakfast is–”

“No, no, I got that,” Astrid interrupted her, sitting up straighter now even as her mind was whirling in confusion. “But why? Why would I eat here? What about my usual breakfast with the King and the Grand Dukes?” 

On so many occasions lately, she’d wished she could simply skip the common meal and eat alone in her rooms, but not today. Today, she had something important to talk about with her father, and not just she. Duke Oswald had to agree to giving County Ravenledge to Hiccup, too, and they needed their and Eret II’s support to rebuild it. Who knew when else she, Eret, and Dagur would get the chance to talk to their fathers? She didn’t want to wait any longer.

She looked up at Hiccup, seeking… she didn’t even know what exactly. Reassurance somehow. But he looked just as confused as she felt. And worried.

“I don’t know, exactly,” Ruff said, shrugging apologetically. “All I know is that there was a change of plan somehow. Today’s hunt got cancelled and instead, your father summoned all of your suitors for an announcement.“

Beneath her hand on his chest, Hiccup trembled. “Oh, no,” he muttered. “That doesn’t sound good,”

Astrid could only agree, but she didn’t want him to fret again. He was already carrying more guilt than was necessary. She shifted until she kneeled in front of him, for once towering over him, and took his face in both her hands. “Don’t worry, okay?” she said with as much conviction as she could muster. “Whatever it is, this doesn’t change anything. Do you hear me? We belong together and nothing will ever change that. Together to the end of the road. Promise.”

Hiccup looked up at her with conflicted eyes, clearly wanting to believe her but unable to fully do so. “I hope you’re right,” he muttered, swallowing, then leaned more heavily into her touch, his forehead resting against hers. “I really do.”

. o O o .

Yes, she didn’t want Hiccup to fret about whatever her father had to announce. However, not fretting about it herself was an entirely different matter. What could be so important that he cancelled all plans for the day?

Struggling to not let her nervousness show, she was standing in the audience room, next to and a little behind her father as they waited for everyone to arrive. As her future husband, Eret was allowed to stand behind her, and now, she understood how hard the previous day must have been for him. Even though the presence of the King certainly kept many from showing their envy and disdain too openly, the looks Eret got for being up here with her were anything but friendly. But even though she wished she could spare him all this, she also was grateful for his presence. It was all that kept her from falling apart. 

The last time her father had made an announcement, he’d torn apart all her dreams and plans. He wouldn’t reject her upcoming betrothal to Eret and hand her back to all these leering predators in front of her because of such a stupid rumour, would he? No, certainly not. But she couldn’t help but fear for what he had to say nonetheless. 

“Do you know what this is about?” she whispered, her head tilted to the side so only Eret could hear her. Surely his thoughts had gone in a similar direction than hers.

“No idea,” Eret grunted quietly. “Father wouldn’t say anything even though he clearly knows what’s going on. He was excited though, even grinning, so I guess it’s nothing too bad.”

Swallowing, Astrid nodded weakly. At least it wouldn’t be the cancellation of their betrothal. She just hoped that he was right, that it wouldn’t get too bad. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take. 

A few minutes later, everyone seemed to have arrived as two servants closed the doors, and Astrid reached behind her for Eret’s hand. She needed her brother’s support, feeling a little lighter as he squeezed her reassuringly. 

“I see everyone’s here now,” her father began, smiling broadly at the crowd. He seemed to be in a good mood. “Good. I have exciting news. Even though it’s still over a week until the betrothal ceremony, my daughter has made her decision already, and while I couldn’t be happier about her choice, I also see how it affects the mood and motivation for the remaining challenges.” There was consenting grumbling all over the room, many men throwing disappointed glances at her and Eret.

“I was already thinking about how to solve this problem,” her father went on, “when a note from Oramond reached me yesterday.”

Puzzled, Astrid cocked her head. Oramond was a city located north of Volantis, about a day’s ride away. She dimly remembered having been there as a child as it was famous for its market, the only one where merchants from the Northern Tribes sold their goods. Or used to sell their goods. Over the last ten years, fewer and fewer merchants had shown up until the city had lost its significance. What message from there could be so important that her father changed his plans?

She didn’t need to wait long for the answer. 

“As some of you know, the lands north of Volantis still occasionally suffer from dragon attacks. This year though, there were ten times as many sightings as usual already. Livestock was stolen, and last week, one of Oramond’s storehouses was burned to the ground. And while this development is truly unfortunate, it can also be seen as a blessing in disguise as it gives us an unexpected opportunity.”

The King made a short dramatic pause, looking around into the waiting faces before he continued, his voice a little louder now. “Three decades have passed since we last held a Dragon Hunt. But now, the Gods bless us with this impeccable chance. From today on, all upcoming hunts and tournaments until the betrothal ceremony are cancelled. Instead, everyone gets the chance to prepare themselves for in four days from today, we will all travel to Oramond. From there, the first Dragon Hunt since my father’s reign will be held. It will go on for three days before a winner is determined. My daughter’s hand, while a suitable and traditional prize, is not an option anymore, but I think I’ve found an acceptable alternative. I’m happy to announce that the winner of this Dragon Hunt, the man who brings me the head of a dragon, will not only earn himself a pouch of gold and glory beyond any other, but will also receive the right to call himself the Count of Ravenledge.” 

. o O o .

AN: Yeah, so… we all knew it wouldn't be that easy, didn't we?

And to all those people who (repeatedly) asked about when I'd FINALLY include the dragons… are you satisfied now? O:)

I can't say how regularly I'm going to update from now on. When a chapter is done, I'll post it.

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee ;) (Ko-Fi)

Next chapter

#FTLOAP #For The Love Of A Princess #Hiccstrid #hiccstrid fanfiction #httyd fandom #httyd fanfiction #fanfiction #royalty au #hiccstrid royal au #medieval au #Hiccstrid Medieval AU #fluff #romance

[powerfultulips]

weird asks?

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars!

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

both?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

probably something along the lines of “weird, but brilliant. also really small and tiny”

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

plastic cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

ideally, grunge

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones all the way babey

8. movies or tv shows?

not really a big fan of either

9. favorite smell in the summer?

um, like campfires and stuff

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

didn’t really have p.e. in school, but i always liked kickball and dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a spoonful of peanut butter, along with my meds

12. name of your favorite playlist?

either “h” or “oliver!”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring i guess

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

smarties?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

hamlet, probably. if you’re looking for a novel, a prayer for owen meany.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

the comfy one

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

i have these shitty dad shoes (air monarchs) that i wear a lot. mostly because i keep them tied, and i often don’t feel like tying another pair of shoes when i go out. so they’re basically slip-ons

18. ideal weather?

70 degrees, mostly cloudy, maybe a light rain, or a soft breeze

19. sleeping position?

i usually sleep on my right side, but sometimes i roll over to my left

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

depends what i’m writing, but i like notebooks and my laptop

21. obsession from childhood?

quite a few. gas stations, legos, baseball, phineas and ferb

22. role model?

not sure i have one, i look up to all of my friends in different ways

23. strange habits?

i chew on my knuckles a lot, it’s a nervous stim i’ve had since i was young. dunno if i have any others

24. favorite crystal?

um.... the pretty ones

25. first song you remember hearing?

i have no fuckin idea my guy. maybe 99 luftballons

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

exist in an air-conditioned room

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

put a hoodie on and go for a walk

28. five songs to describe you?

“your heart is a muscle the size of your fist” by ramshackle glory; “after you” by good morning; “dip you in honey” by the wombats; “i’m against the government” by defiance, ohio; “new loved ones” by toro y moi

29. best way to bond with you?

probably helping me out when i’m in a bad situation

30. places that you find sacred?

dunno that there are any, really

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

karkat t-shirt, black jeans (that unfortunately don’t fit me anymore), probably some cute socks

32. top five favorite vines?

hang on i have a list. mychael with a B, this bitch empty YEET, the AA-AAA-AAAA battery one, bbq sauce on my titties, and “is that allowed?”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

i. what does that mean

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

none, fuck capitalism

35. average time you fall asleep?

probably like 2am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

i. have no idea

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suited case

38. lemonade or tea?

tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

pieeee

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

one time a teacher set a dollar bill on fire, i think. i wasn’t there. also a bat got into the bathroom once or twice

41. last person you texted?

my sweet, precious baby boy @literally-an-envelope

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

p a n t

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie!!!!

44. favorite scent for soap?

vaniwwa

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi perhaps?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

i usually sleep in a tshirt and pj pants

47. favorite type of cheese?

pepperjack probably. i had a dream about gouda last night, though

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a blackberry. idk

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“All people are good for something. The important thing is finding what.” (Tom, MLB Power Pros 2008)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

fuck if i know dude

51. current stresses?

is “everything” an answer

52. favorite font?

helvetica

53. what is the current state of your hands?

slightly sweaty

54. what did you learn from your first job?

sprite with grenadine.... tasty

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk bro

56. favorite tradition?

my family usually goes to chuck e cheese on new years eve. its fun

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

bold of you to assume i’ve overcome anything

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

writing, singing, pitching (baseball), and punting (football)

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

y’know, like nya?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

slice-of-life, or a sports anime

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

shrugs

62. seven characters you relate to?

are these all gonna be homestuck characters? probably. karkat, tavros, kanaya, dave, john/june, jade, and kankri. ok those are just my favourites but fuck you

63. five songs that would play in your club?

i’d probably have a really chill “club” that just played like, indie music from bands i like

64. favorite website from your childhood?

poptropica

65. any permanent scars?

yeah i have a few, although they’re fading and healing, idk if they will be on my skin forever.

66. favorite flower(s)?

i like tulips

67. good luck charms?

stuffed animals

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

black liquorice

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

fun fact! why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food

70. left or right handed?

right, but i swing left

71. least favorite pattern?

idk

72. worst subject?

like in school? physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

shrugs aggressively

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i have no clue

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

probably fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

shrug

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

neither?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

school id, i think

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

ain’t those the same thing

82. pc or console?

i guess i prefer console, but most of my games are on my laptop

83. writing or drawing?

writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts, i guess?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

shrugs

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies !

87. your greatest fear?

losing my loved ones

88. your greatest wish?

am i allowed to say “to be dead”

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my fiancé, for sure

90. luckiest mistake?

i.... don’t know

91. boxes or bags?

🅱️oxen

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

sunlight!!

93. nicknames?

yeah

94. favorite season?

spring

95. favorite app on your phone?

tumblr, or discord

96. desktop background?

something from homestuck. it’s terezi

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

four (mine, dad, mom, fiancé)

98. favorite historical era?

i don’t know that i have one

#asks #thanks bby

[whiskynottea]

An interruption in the 1st law of thermodynamics.

Previously, Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34

AO3

@theministerskat, there is not much left to say at this point... Thank you!! ❤️

Also, cheers to @notameeksassenach for her tags 😉

Chapter 35. Expectations

Expectations. What a person believes will happen, under certain conditions. The product of probability and value.

The problem with this equation is that values change depending on the person.

Brian Fraser valued the continuation of his business, a stable life for his son to carry on his family name, an admirable career that would give Jamie the foundation for a happy life.

I valued Jamie’s happiness and proximity. I didn’t care what he chose to do, as long as it made him happy and we left Edinburgh together, going to uni and living the best years of our lives.

Jamie, however, valued the feeling of water enfolding his body in the pool, the thrill of a victory, the progress he made every day towards being the best.

Happiness is a common trait, linked to the variables of everyone’s expectations. But there is a different version of happiness in each person, anchored to its own universe.

Our expectations. Our family’s, our friends’ expectations… What we have, what we’d like to have, what we should have in the future. Who we should be.

Life is demanding. And love makes people demanding.

A battle of beliefs – adding weight to our decisions, to our plans, to our lives. Changing the equation’s balance.  

--

Jamie was angry, scared, stressed. I couldn’t imagine a worse combination. He closed himself off and I was sure that he hardly heard my little motivational speech as I was talking to him during the lunch break.

“Listen to me, you bloody Scot. Your father said that you’ll stop swimming if you don’t get better grades. IF.” At this point, I had grasped his hand, my fingers applying pressure against his, pushing my conviction into his skin.

“He doesna understand, Sassenach.” Jamie’s words were strained, leaving barely opened lips. “He thinks I’m fooling around wi’ the swimming when I’m not. Ye ken that.” His eyes bore into mine, daring me to contradict him. “Tis what makes me happy.” His face softened for a moment, before adding, “And you.”

“I know Jamie, but you can’t blame hi-”

“The hell I can’t!” I’d lost him again. He went from vulnerable and open to distant and cold in mere seconds.

“He wants the best for you, that’s why he pushes you,” I tried again, willing the relation between the two strong headed men to be mended. “He’s your father, Jamie, he loves you more than anyone.”

“My Ma would never have done this, make me choose.” His voice broke min-sentence and he fixed his eyes on an invisible mark on the floor.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I wouldn’t let him get caught in that loop of pain and anger. It was easy to blame his dad and idealize his mother. It was safe - no one could prove him wrong. Before I opened my mouth to speak again, Jamie’s ironic chuckle stopped me.

“He never really got it – my Da. It was my Ma who was driving me to the pool every day, who cheered me on, she embraced who I was and my love for swimming. My Da… his mind was always on the business.” Loss and hurt gave way to fury again, and his words came out harsh and hurried. “And now he sees swimming as a distraction, when the only distraction is school.”

At this, I stopped short. I blinked once, trying to comprehend what he’d said.

“What?” It was a single syllable, but it must have carried a load of emotion because Jamie’s face turned abruptly towards me. I tried to be calm, to stop my heaving chest, to keep my pounding heart safe in my chest before it broke in pieces. “Jamie, you can’t really mean that.” My words sounded almost normal – almost. “You need to study, you need the grades, the A levels…” My composure failed me then, the continuation of my sentence silent, grinding against my throat.

Us.

He didn’t want to go to Oxford anymore? If he didn’t care about school, about uni…

“Claire,” he said, voice husky again. “Please, not you too. Not you.”

I shook my head, willing the tears to stay hidden behind closed eyelids, my face straining in pain. I felt his strong arms around my shoulders pulling me tight to him and I swallowed hard, scared of what was to come. A secret buried deep inside him, coming to the surface. “I didna mean it, mo chridhe. Not that way.” I didn’t move or speak, and I felt him take a deep breath, his chest pushing against my own. “I’m sorry, Claire. I dinna want to fuck up with you too.”

I ran my hands over my face, took a step back and looked at him. “So what did you mean?”

He shrugged, running a hand through his messed locks. “I dinna want to stop swimming, is all I meant. I need to focus on training. If I win the Scottish National Champs I might even get to the national team - I checked the times they need, I’m really close. But this doesna mean I dinna want to fix my grades.”

I pushed myself to the side for a moment, tossed my expectations in the trash can and decided to focus on his - all the while feeling a knife going through my heart. But this wasn’t about me. It was about him. His life, his future. His happiness.

I took him by the hand and walked into an empty classroom. It was quiet, the dust suspended in the air, the numbers on the blackboard noting dates to be remembered, important, historical ones. Not like the dates I remembered: when he asked me for my number, when we kissed for the first time, when we went to the cinema on our first date, when I spent the night in his room at Lallybroch, when we made love. I didn’t want to add another date to my list - when Jamie realized that he didn’t want to come to Oxford. And yet, I would - if I had to.

Jamie sat on a desk and I settled between his thighs. His eyes were lost, desperate. “Do you remember when we went to the escape room?” I asked and he looked at me surprised, but nodded his head.

“Before we met the others, we talked about our A levels.” He nodded again. “You said you would take over your father’s business, but your dream was to travel, to write a book. Do you still want to do that?”

Jamie smiled, shaking his head. “Ye do remember everything, aye?” I shrugged in response and let him continue. “I still like studying English more than maths, that’s to be sure. But, nay, I dinna see myself doing that.”

“What do you see yourself doing then?”

“I want to keep swimming.”

“You and Dory from Nemo,” I said, losing my solemn expression for a moment, and kissed his nose.

A silent laugh left his throat and he took a deep breath, but didn’t speak.

“Do you want to go to uni?” I asked, my voice steady. My heart clenched, ready to take the blow.

“Of course I do, Claire!”

A loud beat, the blood resuming its flow through my body.

“To do what?” I asked, making him justify his response out loud. If he didn’t want to face his future, to prioritize his goals, someone had to do it for him.

“Business management.” He said it as if it was obvious, and yet the worst thing in the world.

“Jamie, do you want to take over the family business? I mean… Do you really want to do it?”

Jamie looked away for a long moment and swallowed hard before his eyes returned to mine. “I dinna ken. It’s not actually a choice, Sassenach.”

“Have you talked to your dad about it? Have you ever explained to him how you feel?”

Jamie let out a long breath before a sad smile settled on his lips. “I canna do that.”

“And why is that?” I pushed him.

“He has been planning it for years. It would break him, Sassenach. My Ma and he, they created everything, starting from nothing. It’s his dream to continue the Fraser business, so my parents’ labour wouldn’t be in vain. He wants to leave something behind - for us. A legacy that we’ll take even further. I canna deny him his dream.”

“His dream.” I emphasized.

“Still,” he said it simply and it was all I needed to understand what he meant. He couldn’t let down his father. Wouldn’t, not now. Not before having something more certain as an alternative.

“But you can see yourself running the business?”

“Aye, I can. Tis not that bad, Sassenach. In a way, we try to make people happy, give them pleasure wi’ our products. Maybe give them a smile some time during their day.”

I smiled, thinking of my smile every time I ate one of their shortbread cookies. ”But it’s not swimming.” I voiced the part of his thoughts he had kept silent.

“No, tis not.”

“But would you like to be a professional swimmer?” I asked him, already knowing the answer.

“Ye ken that I want to. But tis not easy.”

“So, since you still don’t know what the future holds for you, you’ll close no doors - just yet.”

“No, I won’t. That’s why I’m training as much as I can. That’s why I’ll go to uni. Wi’ you,” he said and pulled me closer for a kiss.

“You do realise,” I said with a frown when we broke our kiss, “That for this to happen, you have to study and pass our exams. Right?”

Jamie raised his eyebrows, as if the answer to my question was obvious. “Help me wi’ the maths?”

I looked at him and thought that I could easily finish this conversation with a positive answer and a kiss. But I couldn’t. The doubt crept up in me, slowly eating pieces of my happiness. My expectations. “Jamie, is Oxford still your dream as it is mine?” My voice was as light as I could make it sound, trying not to push him towards an answer, to have him make his own decision. “It’s fine if it’s not.”

That knife again, threatening my heart. But I wanted him to be sure of his choice. I didn’t want to force my dreams on him.

Jamie pulled me towards him again, holding me so tight that I could barely breathe. “I didna mean it Claire, about school. I said that out of anger, for my da. For swimming.” His eyebrows furrowed in the absence of my response and he ran his hand along my cheekbone, as if to wipe invisible tears. “Ye do believe me, right?”

“I do,” I whispered, leaning into his touch. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Ye’ll help me then?” His lips found my forehead, lingering there, pressing against my skin.

“I will,” I said and exhaled loudly. “We’re going to have you ready for those A levels.”

“Thank ye, Sassenach. Thank ye for bearing with me.”

“Well, I have ulterior motives, don’t I?” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I do want you at Oxford with me.”

Jamie chuckled and kissed me, his lips soft against mine. “I dinna ken what I’ve done to deserve ye, mo ghraidh, but I thank my luck every day for that gift.”

“Umhmm,” I smiled against his mouth, trapping his bottom lip between my teeth.

--

Jamie and I got organized. We put together a study plan, never breaking our schedule. Twice per week, I was taking my books and notes and rode to his place in a full teaching mode, determined to fill the gaps he’d created by totally disregarding any maths homework in months.

Ahead of the prospect of losing his swimming training and, consequently, all the meets his coach had planned for him, Jamie set on studying square roots and coefficients of quadratic equations, series and trigonometry. He wasn’t extremely happy for the task, and murmured things under his breath once too often, but he did it.

It wasn’t easy, but we had everything under control.

Not that we were always completely focused.

Not that Jamie hadn’t suggested that for every solved equation we would remove a piece of clothing.

Not that Ian had entered the room at that exact moment, turned red and suggested we’d inform him beforehand if we were actually studying or not. “That’s anatomy, by the way,” he’d said, chortling, as he closed the door, “Not maths.”

Not that Jamie wiggled his eyebrows at me, whispering, “When will we study A level Anatomy, my Sassenach?”

But, all in all, it was going well.

I usually stayed for dinner afterwards, the smell of Murtagh’s famous scrambled eggs or Ian’s spaghetti napolitana wafting into Jamie’s room, and making our stomachs growl. Lamb used to feign irritation with me for leaving him alone, but I could see the small smile on his face, no matter how much he was trying to hide it behind the paper he held.

The day Mr. McMahon asked to see Jamie after class, telling him that he could finally see in him the student he knew all the past years, we celebrated with fish and chips at Calton Hill.

Jamie relaxed and focused on his - now balanced - schedule. He got his confidence back, and was positive that he could win the Scottish National Open Championship and rock his A levels. More importantly, he stopped fighting with his dad over the phone, even though it was clear that Brian still wasn’t happy with Jamie’s training schedule. But at least he was now reassured that Jamie wouldn’t fail his A levels. He’d become the lad he was supposed to be, getting ready for the continuation of his education.

We had more than one reason to believe that Brian would let Jamie stay in Edinburgh over the Easter holidays. During our breaks from studying – when we weren’t extremely busy kissing or making out – we cuddled on his bed and whispered to each other, making plans for the two weeks we’d be all alone. We spoke our dreams softly in the quiet room, our voices floating around before taking shape; cherry blossoms over our heads as we’d walk through the city parks, the buzz of the people in the old town as we’d walk up the Royal Mile, the table we’d set to eat all alone, the nights we’d spend awake, making love. The days too – as Jamie pointed out. Jenny and Ian would go back home and Murtagh would be going to Paris with his mysterious woman. Not that Suzette was that mysterious, but we kept our mouths shut until he finally introduced her to us. She was living in the same apartment building, and it wasn’t that common for Murtagh to go grocery shopping - buying chia seeds for a neighbor.

With so many dreams ready to come true, Jamie asked his dad if he’d changed his mind a few days before the break. Everything was going according to the plan now, and he could stay back to continue studying and training.

Brian, however, answered with a definite “No.” He wanted Jamie to return to Lallybroch and work on the distillery. They would begin the fermentation of their new single malt and he wanted his son to be there. “To get to know things from the inside,” as he’d said.

Our dreams popped in the room, iridescent bubbles that held nothing but thin air.

Jamie looked at me with brooding eyes, unable to talk for a few minutes. “I canna believe he’s doing this to me. I dinna bloody care about his whisky!”

“Jamie,” I said, cupping his cheeks with my hands, bringing his forehead against mine. “It’s alright.”

It wasn’t alright, but I couldn’t make things worse by saying it aloud.

“Tis not alright. I’ve done everything he asked for!” His slumped shoulders sank a bit deeper and he brought his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace.

“You’ve done what you needed to do. For you, not for him. And he was negative from the beginning about you staying back, we should have expected that.”

But we hadn’t, because we fooled ourselves with cherry blossoms and endless kisses.

“It’s two weeks, Sassenach. What are we going to do for two whole weeks?”

I kissed the tip of his nose, his cheekbones, his lips. “We’ll text. We’ll video call.”

“We’ll count the days,” he said and I kissed his pout.

“Yes, that too.” I agreed, my hands leaving his cheeks to run through his silken hair.

His lopsided smile was the last thing I saw before he took my lips in his in a slow, long, burning kiss.

Two days later, I watched the train leaving from the central station and taking him away, his words reverberating in my head louder than any other sound around me.

“I miss you already, babe. So much.”

Chapter 36

#thermodynamics #The first law of thermodynamics #high school AU #Jamie x Claire #Outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction

[paleorecipecookbook]

You Need to Eat Gelatin. Here Are the Reasons Why.

I want you to think of a healthful food, just the first nutritious food that comes to mind. Did you think of gelatin? I’m guessing not. And I bet it wouldn’t even make your top-10 list if I asked you to keep going. Yet gelatin is quite good for you, in its natural form, that is—not artificially colored and sugar-laden like Jell-O.

Gelatin may keep osteoporosis at bay, heal your gut, and help you sleep, among many other valuable health benefits. Keep reading for all the reasons why you should eat gelatin, plus how to incorporate it into your diet in delicious ways.

Whether you follow a Paleo diet or you’re vegan/vegetarian, you need to eat gelatin. Find out why, and learn how to incorporate it into your diet. #paleo #optimalhealth #chriskresser

The What: A Powerful Protein You’re Not Getting Enough Of

Gelatin is the key ingredient in Jell-O (and similar products)—right after sugar and before the artificial flavors—and it’s what makes this brightly colored dessert jiggly yet firm, served up on cafeteria trays in hospitals and schools for generations. It’s easy to see why most of us would overlook gelatin as a dietary must. Here’s what you should really know about this unexpected health food.

It Comes from Collagen—and You Need Collagen

Gelatin is derived from collagen, the most plentiful protein in humans and animals. Once simmered, the decomposition of collagen into gelatin is irreversible; its long protein fibrils, or tiny fibers, are broken down into small amino acid compounds. However, gelatin’s chemical composition is very similar to its parent molecule.

Eating gelatin boosts our collagen levels. Collagen is found almost everywhere in the body, but it is most abundant in the skin, bones, tendons, and ligaments. It holds our tissues together, providing the skeleton with a sturdy yet flexible structure (just as it does wiggly desserts); some types of collagen fibrils are, gram for gram, stronger than steel. (1)

Although the gelatin we consume comes from collagen in animal skin, bones, ligaments, and tendons, it increases human collagen stores, which leads to the impressive health benefits below.

It’s Made Almost Entirely of Protein (98 to 99 Percent)

One half-cup of gelatin provides nearly two grams of protein. As I often discuss here on my site, protein is a macronutrient, which means your body needs a large amount. (Yes, fruity-flavored Jell-O and its imitators have protein as well, but the same serving size may be loaded with sugar—about 19 grams, or nearly five teaspoons!—as well as artificial ingredients that cancel out any protein benefits.)

Gelatin Is Rich in Vital Amino Acids

It doesn’t contain all the essential amino acids, making it an incomplete protein. But the amino acids it does include are particularly important for health, especially glycine. Other notables include: (2)

Proline

Glutamic acid

Lysine

It Was Part of the Typical Ancestral Diet

Our hunter–gatherer ancestors ate much more gelatin than we do today. That’s because they widely practiced nose-to-tail eating, meaning they cooked with and consumed the entire animal, including its skin, tendons, and other gelatinous features. We’ve lost the practice of whole-animal eating, and gelatin-rich cuts are typically discarded, or at least undervalued, now. (Some, such as beef shank or chuck roast, are also considered “tough” and therefore not as appealing as more tender—and more expensive—cuts.) What’s more, vegetarians don’t eat many (or any) animal products.

This means we’re getting a lot less gelatin than our ancestors did, if any at all.

The Why: Six Reasons to Eat Gelatin … Now!

Because we usually don’t use the whole animal, or in some cases avoid meat altogether, we miss out on this unique health food’s many benefits.

1. Gelatin May Lower Your Risk for Cardiovascular and Other Diseases

Eggs and muscle meats—as opposed to organ meats and meaty bones—are high in methionine, an amino acid. In some people, eating too much methionine can lead to a buildup of a toxic compound called homocysteine in the blood. High levels of homocysteine are an independent risk factor for a variety of serious concerns, from dementia and Alzheimer’s to heart disease (and it has also been found to increase the risk of fracture). (3, 4, 5) This might explain why researchers sometimes find a correlation between high meat intake and chronic disease.

What helps keep methionine and homocysteine levels in a healthy balance? Glycine, which gelatin contains lots of. In fact, it accounts for roughly 27 percent of gelatin’s composition, making gelatin the richest food source of this amino acid. Although your body can make glycine, you usually don’t produce enough to cover your needs, meaning you need to obtain ample amounts from your diet. (6, 7)

2. It Protects Your Bones and Joints

Bone is living, growing tissue, comprising mostly collagen. And as I discussed here already, collagen is the glue that holds our tissues together. So, it’s easy to see why getting more collagen in the form of gelatin is good for bone and joint health.

Research shows that gelatin may have a beneficial effect on cartilage metabolism and inhibit the breakdown of collagen in bone. It may be effective in treating both osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. (8, 9, 10) Its amino acids glycine and proline are anti-inflammatory and are likely responsible for research results finding gelatin effective in reducing arthritis-associated joint pain. Lysine, also in gelatin, strengthens bones by helping the body absorb calcium and form collagen. The body can’t make this amino acid, so it must come from diet. Lysine has also been shown, in animal studies, to hasten fracture healing. (11)

3. It Preserves Your Muscle Mass

Glycine is the hero again here: research has found that increasing glycine intake, either through supplementation or high-glycine foods such as gelatin, can help slow or reduce the age-related loss of muscle. (For some people, this weakness can cause them to become less physically active as they age or even to fall due to reduced strength and stability or injure themselves when they exercise.) Supplemental glycine can protect muscle in a variety of wasting conditions brought on by serious illness such as cancer or due to very reduced calorie intake. (12, 13)

4. Gelatin Is Good for Your Gut

Thanks to the amino acids glycine, proline, and glutamine, gelatin can improve gut integrity and digestive strength by enhancing gastric acid secretion and restoring a healthy lining in the stomach. (14, 15) Gelatin also absorbs water and helps keep fluid in the digestive tract, promoting good intestinal transit and healthy bowel movements. (16) Gelatin-rich soups and broths are one of the key components of the GAPS diet, which has been designed to heal the gut and promote healthy digestion.

5. It Makes Your Skin Shine and Your Locks Long and Lustrous

Collagen is one of the primary structural elements of skin. As we age, we naturally lose collagen, causing our skin to sag and wrinkle. Gelatin provides glycine and proline, building blocks for collagen, and can help your body create enough of this important protein to improve your skin’s health and appearance. In particular, several studies have shown improved skin elasticity and hydration, as well as a reduction of deep wrinkles, with collagen hydrolysate supplementation. (17, 18)  A diet rich in gelatin may also protect against the aging effects of sunlight, preventing wrinkles in the future. (19) And gelatin appears to induce hair growth and even lead to thicker, fuller locks. (20, 21)

6. It Can Help You Sleep

Gelatin has been found to help with sleep due to its abundance of glycine. Just a few tablespoons can provide roughly three grams of glycine, which is enough to cause measurable improvements in sleep quality. (22, 23) Glycine is also an inhibitory neurotransmitter, meaning that it can decrease anxiety and promote mental calmness to let you sleep through the night. (24)

And the list of benefits goes on: Research suggests that gelatin may also aid in weight loss, help control blood sugar, improve cognitive and mental health, slow the growth of certain cancers, and much more. (25, 26, 27, 28, 29)

Are You Vegetarian? A Warning

While gelatin isn’t acceptable to vegans, who shun all animal products, it may be to vegetarians who are open to eating some animal-derived foods, such as eggs and dairy. If this describes your dietary approach, here’s why you should go out of your way to eat gelatin.

Vegetarians Often Have Low Glycine Levels

As I’ve written before in an article on the pitfalls of meat-free diets, vegetarians and vegans don’t consume as much glycine as meat eaters, and we’ve seen here just how important this building block of collagen is for health.

Some Paleo followers who eat mainly muscle meats and ignore the nose-to-tail philosophy can also be susceptible to low glycine intake.

You Might Be at Risk for Cardiovascular Problems

Studies have shown that vegetarians and vegans have significantly higher homocysteine levels, on average, than omnivores, putting them at significant risk for cardiovascular trouble. (30) This is possibly due to deficiencies in vitamin B12 and choline, which help keep homocysteine in check.

The Best Ways to Get More Gelatin: Bone Broth and Beyond

One obvious way to incorporate gelatin in your diet is to eat more skin and gelatinous cuts of meat, especially those that are on the bone like shank pieces or ribs. However, I recognize that these aren’t necessarily the most palatable parts of the animal to everyone. There are other options out there.

Make Your Own Bone Broth

In traditional cooking, meat bones serve as a base for delicious stocks and sauces, and bone broth is a first course that enhances digestion of the food to come. Today, I’m glad to see nose-to-tail eating making a bit of a comeback in this regard, as many people are using their ancestors’ “secret” for great recipes and as a powerful health drink.

Since bones are full of collagen, which forms gelatin when simmered, bone broths provide all of the health benefits noted above in spades. Bone is also chock-full of an array of important minerals and nutrients, from calcium and iron to vitamins D, C, and B1 (thiamin).

Best of all, bone broth is easy to make at home. Just follow these tips.

Cook It Low and Slow

To transfer the active chemical ingredients from the bones into the broth, you need heat, time, and acid (typically vinegar, tomato, and/or wine). Don’t rush it: Cook your broth slowly over low heat to extract as much nutrient content as possible. A slow cooker is immensely helpful.

Go with Grass Fed

Grass-fed beef and farm-raised, free-range chicken bones give the best results. You can also use bones from duck, lamb, turkey, or pork, as well as fish. Seek out chicken feet, heads, and necks or calves’ feet (and heads and necks, if you can find them) from a local farm or butcher. When selecting from beef, look for cuts with a lot of bone in them, including some knuckle bones, if possible. Marrow bones are excellent.

The Longer You Cook It, the Better

Simply put the bones, browned or not, based on your preference, into a stock pot or slow cooker. Cover with enough filtered, cold water to cover the bones by an inch. Then add your acid, bring everything to a low boil, then simmer on very low, removing any scum that has risen to the top. After skimming, add vegetables and herbs and spices if you wish and simmer six to 48 hours for chicken and 12 to 72 hours for beef, making sure to check in on it regularly. The longer you can let it cook, the better.

Strain It, Store It, and Sip It

Once finished and cooled, strain your broth using a fine strainer. For a clearer stock, line your colander or sieve with cheesecloth.

Store covered in the refrigerator for about five days or in the freezer for several months. Try the “ice cube” method: Put stock in ice cube trays, freeze until solid, then store in freezer bags and take out one or two at a time for recipes.

Pour warmed broth into a mug and sip like tea, or use as a base for gravies, sauces, and soups—or anytime a recipe calls for cooking liquid.

Buy High-Quality Bone Broth

If you don’t have the time (or desire) to make your own bone broth, there are great packaged options out there. Just remember:

Choose broth that’s organic and made from pasture-raised animals or wild-caught fish. This minimizes toxins and maximizes nutrients.

Avoid buying broth in containers, especially cans, that contain bisphenol A (BPA), which is a toxic, hormone-like molecule.

Many grocery stores don’t sell bone broth; it is not the same as the chicken or beef stock  that’s widely available in the soup aisles of most supermarkets, which doesn’t have the same high level of nutrients as homemade or organic broth. You can, however, find organic, pasture-raised bone broths online. Kettle & Fire is a good option for organic, high-quality bone broth.

Buy Gelatin Powder

If you eat a Paleo or ancestral diet, you can easily incorporate gelatinous cuts of meat and bone broths into your meals. But if you’re vegetarian, it’s difficult to get gelatin from a meat-free diet.

For vegetarians (and even omnivores), I recommend a high-quality gelatin powder to add to food or to create healthy gelatinous desserts.

My favorite brand of powdered gelatin is Great Lakes, which comes from grass-fed animals. It’s available in both hydrolyzed and whole form; each type has its own health perks.

Hydrolyzed means the protein is broken into individual amino acids, making them easier to absorb. Use this type to improve skin and joint health or get better sleep. Hydrolyzed gelatin can be mixed into any type of liquid, including cold liquids, so it can be added to smoothies or juices. It is also great as a real-food protein powder.

Whole-protein gelatin is better for improving gut health. It helps carry fluid through the intestines and can even coat the lining of the digestive tract as a soothing and protective layer. This is the type used to make gummy snacks and desserts and must be mixed into warm liquids.

Fish gelatin is available if you prefer not to consume land animals.

I sometimes supplement with Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides myself, which is another option. It’s similar to collagen hydrolysate, the gelatin supplement often used in scientific studies. I’ll typically add it to a smoothie three to four times a week.

An important note: Some people report a histamine reaction after consuming gelatin or gelatin powders and supplements, so gelatin may not be appropriate for those with severe histamine intolerances.

Do you make it a point to eat gelatin? Do you have plans to supplement your intake, either through powder or diet? Leave a comment below and let me know!

The post You Need to Eat Gelatin. Here Are the Reasons Why. appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 15, 2018 at 04:10PM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

[tiny-personal-university-thing]

Skincare and Other Ways to Live Your Best Life

Skincare 

So I've had a lot of improvement in the condition of my skin (in terms of the occasional hormonal acne, and hyperpigmentation that serves to remind me how wonderful my pre-teen and teenage years were), and I thought it would share it with you all my routine. 

Let me preface this by saying that I have tried everything for my skin. I’ve tried Proactive (which only really seemed to bleach my pillow cases), Tetracycline and Minocycline, all of the top of the line products from companies such as Peter Thomas Roth. I even went through all of the INTENSE steps to get on Accutane, only to find out that it doesn’t really do anything at all for hormonal acne and hyperpigmentation - and at that point the occasional cysts I would get were few and far in between *knocks on wood*. Long story short, you name it - I have tried it. 

However, I have recently become some what of a product junkie, and have a mildly elaborate skincare routine that is relatively inexpensive, and actually works. Since I fully believe in sharing the wealth, I thought I’d share.

Mornings

I start off by washing my face using Noxzema Classic Clean. Noxzema is a timeless product - something your parents or grandparents probably used back in the day. It is by far the cheapest face wash I have ever owned (about $3.99-$5.00 depending on the retailer). I found out about it through my ex-boyfriend’s mother - who actually recommended it to me to ease the pain of a sunburn, as it has a cooling effect. You can read more about Noxzema here

I then move on to toner. I use Witch Hazel. It’s incredibly soothing, gentle on the majority of skins (so don’t come for me), and again - pretty cheap. I have found that it retails for usually $3-$5, with more high end brands (perhaps with Rose Hips Oil) going for $6-$7. I have used Witch Hazel for years and I love it so much. Technically, you don’t need to use a toner, but since using it twice daily I have really seen a difference in my hyperpigmentation and the overall oil production on my face. You can read more about Witch Hazel and it’s benefits here I apply Witch Hazel to my face using cotton pads, making sure to use both sides of the cotton pad all over my face. 

Last, I use exactly 3 drops of Tea Tree Oil. As with most essential oils, you will probably want to dilute it with water, or even our good friend, Witch Hazel. Let me warn you now Tea Tree Oil is STRONG. Personally, I do not dilute it; however, you might want to at least build up a tolerance to it. Again, it is very strong - in smell and in potency. With this being said, I have used it every day for the past couple of months and have actually taken a strange liking to the smell! You definitely get used to it. Additionally, I have found that it doesn’t burn or irritate my skin, but use. your. best. judgement. Finally, Tea Tree Oil can be found cheap at many retailers. I purchase mine at Walmart for around $8 and the bottle will last me about a month and a half. You can read more on Tea Tree Oil here  I apply the Tea Tree Oil directly to my face, using my hands to massage it into my skin until I don’t feel the liquid anymore. I will say that Tea Tree Oil definitely does not feel like oil, that is to say that it doesn’t have the same consistency as something like coconut oil. 

I then proceed with my make up. 

Nights 

(Skip this step if you are not a make-up wearer) I begin by removing my make up with a make up remover. Currently, I am using Clinque’s Take the Day Off make up remover. It ranges between $10-$30 depending on if you buy it at Walmart or Ulta/Sephora. However, it is easily the best make up remover I have ever used. It actually takes it all off in one quick swipe. 

I move on to using Noxzema again to really make sure I get all of the make up off.

Next, I do one of two things. Every other day, I alternate between one of two products. The first product is a Dead Sea Minerals Clay Mask, which you can get for about $3-$5. I leave it on for about 10-15 minutes, and then remove it using Noxzema and my Panasonic, but you can totally just use your hands. On nights that I don’t use my clay mask, I will use this amazing new product that I was fortunate enough to receive a sample of from Sephora - it’s the AmorePacific Enzyme Peel. Now, this is a pricey item, I won’t lie to y’all. But it makes your skin feel - and I don’t say this often - like a baby’s butt. I alternate using it because for a tube of it, it ranges between $45-60. But again - wow. It really works so well. It is also apparently one of the best selling beauty products in Korea. And it doesn’t burn or dry my skin out. I am so in love with this stuff. It’s a powder that you put a couple drops of water in, work it into a paste, and massage into your skin for about a minute. Again, I really only do this at night and every other day because it costs a pretty penny. You can read more about Dead Sea Minerals Clay Masks here and the AmorePacific Enzyme Peel here. 

I then proceed with Witch Hazel. Again, I make sure to use both sides of the cotton pad.

Next, I use my Tea Tree Oil. This time I can use a couple more drops since I’m not really concerned with my face looking a little shiny or smelling like ... well Tea Tree Oil. It just makes my boyfriend crinkle his nose because I “smell like a koala.” 

FINALLY, I finish it off with a dime size (lol more like a nickle) portion of my Curology bottle! First of all, for those of you who don’t know about Curology - it is a personalized skin care product that you can purchase online. I was able to receive my first bottle for free (I only paid $4.95 in S&H), and received it in two weeks. Curology really easy, you can do it on your phone. Essentially, you will need to answer some questions about your skin type, what your concerns are, etc. And you will also need to upload pictures of your ENTIRE FACE WITHOUT MAKE UP. Here are the pictures I took for your reference. Curology also connects you with a skin care professional to answer all of your burning questions about how to use your Curology. It also comes in a precious little box that says “I was made for you,” and I found that to be incredibly endearing. For the second box, I paid $19.95ish. The bottles also last you for about 60 days, so for how well this product works + how much money it will save you in potential dermatologist appointments is so worth looking into. Again, you can get your first bottle for $4.95, so why not? 

Then I get my beauty sleep. 

Self-Care 

Especially if you have chronic pain, or stress/anxiety - I highly recommend the following:

Epsom Salt Baths - Personally, I like to pair my Epsom Salt baths with water that is pretty hot - almost too hot? But definitely know your limits on this one. I don’t want any of you passing out in your bathtub and turning into soup. Don’t put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby. 

For baths - while I am soaking in my warm water that reminds me of the pit of Hell from which I came, I enjoy watching Youtube series such as Ask a Mortician, Buzzfeed Unsolved, various beauty gurus, and a plethora of other subjects. What I am trying to say is - take your time in the tub. Really allow yourself to detox. 

For showers - pump up the jams, and get your inner Beyonce on. Nothing screams louder to me that something is off about me than whether or not I sing along to songs. If I notice that I am not singing to a bop I know the words to by heart, I stop for a second and ask myself what is bothering me.

You can also take some time to write down your thoughts in a lovely journal, doodle a bit, or look at aesthetically pleasing images which there are a plethora of on Tumblr. 

I also found out the other day that we have to physically help our lymphatic systems drain. An un-drained lymphatic system (so to speak) can lead to you not functioning the way you need to, and just not feeling up to anything. I highly recommend that you read up on your lymphatic system here. However, long story short - you can help your lymphatic system out by staying hydrated, alternating between hot and cold (like a hot bath and then a cold shower), practicing deep breathing, or going for a brisk walk. 

I also recommend drinking about a tea spoon of Apple Cider Vinegar twice a day. The benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar are numerous; however, here are some of the most significant ones: 

weight loss, reduced cholesterol, lower blood sugar levels and improved symptoms of diabetes

Additionally - and this is important - if you chose to incorporate Apple Cider Vinegar into your daily regiment, be SURE to purchase the one that says “with the Mother.” I don’t know who she is, but that is the kind you need! Without going into too much detail, it definitely keeps you -- regular, shall we say? Apple Cider Vinegar tastes, well, like sewer water some might say - so you may want to dilute it with water or juice. Also, because ACV is quite acidic, you may want to drink it through a straw so that you don’t end up completely toothless. I am currently consuming 1 tea spoon in the morning, and 1 tea spoon before bed!

Also, ACV is apparently a great alternative to Witch Hazel! 

It is also good to do little things that may make you feel good about yourself, like making your bed, painting your nails, letting your conditioner sit in your hair for a little longer, treating yourself every now and again, or maybe indulging in a little retail therapy.

Etc

Eliminate anyone from your life that makes you feel less than

Drink your water and take your meds

Make time for yourself. Do the things you love. You cannot just work, study, and go to class 24/7.

Don’t be afraid to invite people to go out.

Don’t be afraid to say no to people when you have to, this includes clubs, work, or hanging out with friends when you really need to eat, sleep, do some homework, get groceries, etc. 

Anyway, I hope that some of these prove to be helpful to y’all! I know I promised that this summer would be the summer of self-care until classes resume for the fall, and I haven’t posted as much as I promised. I do hope to be better about that. Feel free to message me with your favorite skin care/self care methods, or comment them below this post. Additionally, I hope it goes without saying that if you can’t use these methods for any reason - you won’t try them, and that I am obviously not a doctor and can’t give you medical advice. These are all just things that have worked for me this summer, and I have definitely seen improvement in my skin, body, and well-being. 

I hope everyone is enjoying their summers! 

#self care #studyblr #studyblr community #skin care #amorepacific #curology #apple cider vinegar #witch hazel #noxzema #summer self care #self care isnt selfish

[eldritchblaast]

Yesssss the ask meme for saorise!! My favorites are 3, 11,12,18&22 but if u have the time all are fine too ;333

all of them all of them all of them

going under the cut because insane length

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

According to google, Saoirse means ‘freedom’. I picked it because I liked it, but it certainly is also applicable to her character.

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

She has tiny boobs, and she doesn’t like them and wishes they were bigger. 

She also wants to be taller.

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?

She has a nice ass?

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)

She likes Morgan’s determination, although sometimes it can get all of them into deep deep shit. 

She also likes his voice (and his face).

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

She’s incredibly confident. Almost too confident. 

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?

Morgan really doesn’t like it when Saoirse steals his stuff. She does it to get his attention because he’s very… focused.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

“Ummmmmmm”

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it

Her lack of strength - she’s about as strong as your average 7 year old.

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

w i n t e r

Her favourite holiday would be any that she gets presents.

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine?

Feminine.

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

Her brother dying sends her into one; and it’s happened more than once.

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up?

Wanting to have sex with everything that consents, basically.

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

She rests like a rock, and is known to pass out on anything that’s vaguely horizontal.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?

She lives in a castle with a lot of people, including, but not limited to: a vampire lord, multiple zombies of varying levels of intelligence (one of which is her brother), a handful of vampire spawn, a werewolf-demon hybrid thing, and an evil dragonborn who’s now considered painfully average.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.

As much as she was attracted to him, Saoirse still detests Strahd. Even though he’s dead, she doesn’t trust him to not come back and cause issues.

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like?

She’s flexible but not athletic, and would absolutely prefer lying down than doing anything strenuous.

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children

Ech no.

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?

She’s pretty content with Ravenloft, but if she gets too irritated she can always go up her mountain.

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?

Saoirse is ready to throw down 110% of the time. And if she does get into one, she’s not above stabbing someone in the kidneys.

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

She’s pretty keen on animals but probably wouldn’t want to own one in her current circumstances. I mean, I wouldn’t trust the local undead with animals either.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

She’s incredibly afraid of death. She’s seen her brother die twice now, and she’s died once herself. She’d be tempted to take Morgan up on his offer of undeath if she believed he’d actually turn her into a full vampire instead of a vampire spawn.

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

She has piercings all up her ears, used to have freckles before she changed, and has nipple piercings too.

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved?

She was pretty good at everything except physical/strength things. She wasn’t the most well-behaved though.

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?

“Morgan is… something else entirely. He’s taller than I would like, too fond of his own voice, and a pain in my ass. But he’s also dedicated, willing to learn from his mistakes (for his own self-image if nothing else), and his body is nice too.”

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day?

Her brother dying right in front of her twice was pretty traumatic…

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?

She’s pretty kinky so Morgan being a vampire isn’t that ‘quirky’ as far as she’s concerned. The blood-drinking was to be expected and she lowkey kinda likes it when he does.

The only thing that annoys her re. Morgan and sex is that her sex-drive is considerably higher than his is, and he’s too focused on his ‘evil vampire schemes’ to notice half the time. She basically needs like neon lights and some sort of siren to get his attention, and even then it’s not guaranteed. 

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?

She’s an assassin so I would imagine it would be murder. 

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for?

Probably a sex-tape…

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

I’m not sure if revenge is courageous but she cut out the tongue and broke the fingers of the wizard who killed her brother the first time.

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?

She loves a good play! Especially comedies.

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what?

It’s her job. She does it for fun and profit.

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do?

Good food and then sex without any interruptions.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

Up her mountain.

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)

She’s always snacking on nuts and fruits and stuff like that.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

She’s incredibly afraid of dying again. She didn’t enjoy it the first time and she doesn’t want it to happen again.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life?

Nah not really.

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them?

So many things. People wearing shoes into her bedroom is a main one. And she really doesn’t like the soul-less citizens of Barovia because they creep her out.

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?

Cloudy. 

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct

She looks pretty creepy (white hair, eyes and very pale blue skin) and like she could murder someone in their sleep - considering she is an assassin, that assumption is very correct.

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

Nah not really. She’s pretty open about what she likes and dislikes.

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way?

Yeah. She adores her brother, but her parents can go fuck themselves as far as she’s concerned.

42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?

She kinda regrets coming to Barovia. Nothing good happened there.

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?

She’s pretty genuine and doesn’t hide much.

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character?

It’s already happened twice...

45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve?

She’s very emotional.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

Nothing? Neither her or Morgan are at all affectionate.

47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along?

Ech not really. She’s not quiet, but she does get dragged along. She’d much rather get rowdy in her bedroom.

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

She’s a very jealous person so she’s viable to lose it if she thinks something’s off.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

She has nightmares about Strahd coming back, her brother dying for good, and about herself.

50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say?

I’m not sure but it probably wouldn’t go very well…

Congratulations for reaching the end! :3

#ask meme #saoirse amakiir #long post #tabbibear

[bugheadjones-the-third]

Title: Unmoored Part 2/2 - WARNING: You can read part 2 without part 1

 Part 1

Read on AO3 . Summary: Betty Cooper has lost everything. She's tired, broken, and yet, she finds herself walking towards him. How's that supposed to feel? How's she supposed to face his broken heart? . A/N: First of all, I’m so sorry for taking so long to post this! Apart from being suffocated by my classes, I kinda just... lost track? I knew my idea would change after I watched the ep, but it changed a lot more than I expected. It changed to the point where I actually had a new idea of how things were supposed to have happened, but I’ll wait until I watch the ep to see if I’ll actually write it XD Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this version of something that could’ve happened! Please, leave me a comment with your thoughts! Make an author happy! . . . Betty couldn’t remember ever feeling worse than on that morning. Her head was throbbing, her eyes were stinging, and it was as if the entire world around her was just filled with voids instead of the usual faces she was supposed to recognize — and even wave at. There was no polite smile gracing her lips that morning, no perfect ponytail swinging over her shoulders, and basically no destiny set in her mind as she walked aimlessly around the small town of Riverdale.

She was in no condition to think, hence trying to make a responsible decision such as going home or writing for the Blue and Gold was just not going to happen. Why should she even do any of those things, right? Going home would take her straight to her mother’s judging words, and her articles just felt like a bunch of useless, lethal words that could pretty much inspire another dormant murderer around the town. Running away to these places would do her no good. In fact, nowhere she went would actually save her from the one thing terrorizing her at that moment.

Her memories.

The good ones. The bad ones. The ones from the moment her life turned upside down and she was left completely alone in that suffocatingly perfect life of hers. No best friend, no neighbor and especially, no Jughead Jones.

Her teeth sunk into her lower lip as the thought returned to her mind— not that it had actually left ever since the decision was made. A life without him was not something she wanted anymore. Hell— a life without his snarky comments or his warm hands was just something she never even considered possible anymore. The truth is, Betty Cooper forgot how terrible life was without him. She forgot how it was to be surrounded by her insecurities 24/7, and she forgot how it felt to be stared at simply for being her.

Simply for being the perfect girl next door, who’s also a straight A student and the new obsession of a maniac who had been terrorizing the whole town.

It was all just too much for her. Too much for a single girl who used to believe good things would come for those who fight for what they believe in. She believed in a better future and — damn, she believed in happy endings. Even after everything that happened around Riverdale, Betty believed in a day when the scars on her hands would have faded long ago and she would go home and find an empty fridge just because Jughead couldn’t—

And there he was, yet again, warming her heart with a bunch of what ifs and that silly smile of his that always manages to make her happy. She has always known Jughead has the prettiest of the smiles, and even if they’ve always been her source of courage and inspiration, Betty knows better than to believe he will ever smile at her like that again. Right now, after what she did, she knew he probably hated her. For breaking his heart like that, the blonde knew he wouldn't simply forgive her. Even if she had told Archie— and mostly herself— that they would find their way back to one another, she didn’t know if things would ever go back to normal, not even after the truth was revealed.

That is, if the truth was ever revealed.

At that moment, she didn’t know if they would ever get rid of the Black Hood. She didn’t know if she would be able to keep protecting everyone, and she didn’t know if she would ever be forgiven.

Betty didn’t even know where she was going at that moment.

And it wasn’t until the first, cold drop of rain hit her cheek that she actually paid attention to that.

The rain was coming, and and it took her some good moments before she decided to look for a proper shelter from it. The streets were empty, now, telling her people were, indeed, worried about that water that was about to fall, for the clouds above her head seemed to be too dark and charged to be just a drizzle. She could feel the storm coming, or maybe it was just the turmoil in her belly, she couldn’t really tell. Either way, townsfolk always seem to worry about such things, and normally, she would, too, but it was not like things could get any worse just because the sky had decided to pour its own sadness over her.

After the rain finally started to fall, Betty finally realized her aimless walk was taking her to Pop’s, and it was as if her mind believed she could find some sort of protection under those neo lights. Her heart ached when she remembered all the good moments she had spent at those vinyl booths, and how that diner had witnessed the last kiss she would ever share with the love of her life. That was going to be the first time she would be going there ever since she was forced to break their hearts, and for the first time, the Cooper girl knew not even her favorite food would make things better.

A painful smile crossed her lips, as she remembered his wise words. Apparently, not all is okay with milkshakes.

A couple blocks later, when she arrived at the diner, Betty was soaked. In the end, the rain had come faster than she had expected, and chances were she took a little extra time on purpose so she could mask her recent tears. Pop was probably the only person left in town who still liked her, and he would certainly notice the track of tears across her cheeks.

He was probably the only one left, and yet, she knew she would have to lie to him when he asked her if she was doing okay. It was going to hurt, but at that moment, Betty didn’t think she had enough strength to tell him the whole truth— not that she was allowed to. His eyes were set on her, and she didn’t want to risk getting more people involved in that sick game of his.

The Black Hood had turned her into a liar. He took away her friends, her family and the love of her life.

But he never took away her feelings, no.

And perhaps, that was the cruelest part of his wicked plan.

When she finally opened the door of the nostalgic diner, the sound of the chiming bells was the last thing she heard before her entire body went numb. Her green eyes were widened, the air in her lungs had disappeared, and the gap in between her lips showed the pure horror that had immediately taken over Betty as soon as her eyes met the bloody scene in front of her.

“Jug…”

Her voice escaped her throat as a painful whisper, as if his name had been trapped inside her chest forever. Her heart ached in an unbearable level at that moment, as their eyes finally connected in a longing, broken gaze. Betty observed him, running her eyes through his entire body as he was sitting on a stool while Pop Tate treated his wounds. Jughead was destroyed— both physically and emotionally— and she didn’t need too long to conclude it was all her fault.

Those bruised lips, the dark circles around his eyes, the cuts spread all over his skin and the hematomas were just corrupting his perfect features, and at that moment, the blonde could feel the anger running through her veins, as she continued to blame herself for the state that boy was in. He was tired and hurt, and god— he was just so visibly broken. She could feel her heart shattering into millions of pieces along his, and her skin was slowly being ripped under a mess of nails and blood. They continued to hold each other’s gaze, and it wasn’t until a cold, salty tear ran through her cheek that the blonde finally blinked, bringing her back to that horrible reality in front of her.

Betty didn’t know exactly when she had started crying— she wasn't still sure if she had stopped since last night— but at that moment, more than ever before, the blonde just knew she wouldn’t be able to hold back any of the reactions of her broken heart.

The strap of her bag slowly slid through her shoulder, and she made no effort to preventing it from falling. The sound of her books hitting the floor echoed around the empty diner, and with one of her hands covering her startled mouth, the blonde took small, careful steps towards the men in from of her, holding back the urge to reach out for his hand. At that moment, she didn’t know if she was wanted around, but Betty refused not to do anything to help.

Especially when she was the only one to be blamed for his current condition.

“ Jug, I-I’m so sorry…” Her lips trembled, as the tears continued to stream down her face. His eyes were still looking at hers, but at that moment, Jughead expressed no reaction regarding her presence by his side. Seeing her didn’t bring a relieved expression to his face, and neither did it disgust him. He was simply accepting her there, watching and drinking in all the changes that had drained her delicate, soft features for the past couple of days.

Apparently, Archie was right.

Unlike what he had brought himself to believe, Betty Cooper wasn’t fine at all.

And it was all his fault.

He knew the rain wasn’t the only reason behind her messed state, for his eyes had seen her soaked by the tears of heaven, and god— Betty looked simply stunning like that. She loved the rain running down her body, and the smile on her face was bright enough to create a rainbow in the sky. Whenever they ended up shelterless in a rainy day, she would always find a way to be happy.

But right now, oh— Betty looked like shit.

And never in his life had he actually seen her like that.

“ Oh, you’re finally here, Betty.” Pop said, as if he was already expecting her to show up. He threw away a bloody cotton, standing up from his crouched position. “ I have some bandages back on the employee’s bathroom. Keep an eye on him, will you?”

“ S-Sure…” She answered, insecurity filling her voice as she got closer, grabbing the bag of ice that laid forgotten on the table. She refused to meet his eyes— too embarrassed, he could see— as she carefully placed the ice over his swallowed jaw. Her teeth were bitting her lower lip, and at that moment, even if he knew he shouldn’t, his eyes just wouldn’t leave her, examining and recording all that was left of the girl his heart beats for.

The bags under her eyes were deep enough to salient the bones of her skull, and he could easily tell she had been crying unstoppably for a couple of days now. A bloody line was trailing from between her fingers, and she was shaking uncontrollably as she tried to formulate a phrase in her head. Betty looked thiner, weaker and even if he was the one all bruised, the blonde seemed to be in way more pain than he was.

Though why did she look like that? Weren’t things the way she wanted them to be? Didn’t she want them done so she could finally follow through with her life without him slowing her down?

She should be happy now. Then why was she so sad?

And most importantly, why did he even care?

She broke his heart. She told him she loved him, and then she dumped him, doing the only thing that could ever hurt him. Betty had made him weak and dependable, and he knew he should’ve known better that happiness didn’t belong in his life.

He should’ve known it would all eventually end in tears and one, broken heart.

Though why did it seem to be two?

Apart from the ache caused by the loss of his girl next door, there were also feelings such as anger, concern and guilt running through his veins. Jughead knew he had to say something— anything to her in order to relieve that press ion building up inside his throat. He didn’t want to let all his emotions out in front of her, so, as always, he chose to mask it all with his characteristic sardonic humor.

It’s his way of coping, after all.

“ Betty Cooper… You’re a sight for a sore eye, literally.” He said, letting out a bitter chuckle.

“ Jughead, don’t do this…” She said, placing a hand on his chest as if to prevent him from falling forward due to the irresponsible chuckle. “ You’re gonna hurt yourself even more.”

His eyes connected to hers, a longing feeling reflecting through them. “ I don’t think that’s possible anymore.”

His cold stare on her felt like a stab, for she knew exactly what he meant by those words. Betty swallowed dry, looking away from him as more tears spilled from her eyes. Her heart felt heavy inside her chest, and at that moment, she just couldn’t simply keep things inside anymore. It was too much. “ You won’t believe me, Jug… But I did that to protect you. I never though—”

“ Protect me? I don’t look safe or protected, do I, Betty?”

“ I know. And that’s why I regret it. I should’ve never—“

“ Oh, you regret it now?” There was a painful smile on his face, now, as he moved away from her. “ And why is that, Betty? Is it because Archie wouldn’t take you? Or maybe you just regret going that far with me before breaking my heart?”

“ Archie? What are you even talking about? Don’t be ridiculous, Jughead! I don’t love him! I love you!“

“ Don’t even try, Betty. I won’t fall for your words… Not again.”

“ I’m telling the truth! I would never lie to you about this, and you know it! You know me!”

“ Oh, do I?  Because I didn’t know you were not okay by my side. I didn’t know you were planning on ending things between us—“

“ That’s because I wasn’t!”

“ I didn’t know I was making you suffer!”

“ You weren’t, Jug.” She was crying harder now, her lips were trembling and she didn’t think twice before placing her hands on his thigh, looking at him from below with those sad, green eyes of hers. “ You were making me the happiest girl on earth!”

“ Then why the hell did you dump me, Betty?!”

“ I did it to—“

“ You weren’t protecting me! I won’t believe this!”

“ You have to… It’s the truth. I-I didn’t know…”

“ You didn’t know what?! That you would also suffer!? That you would be left alone?! That you would—“

“ I didn’t know he was still going to hurt you, Jughead!”

Her words echoed around the diner, leaving the Jones boy completely confused. His eyes were widened, the words he was about to shoot at her disappeared in his throat, and for the first time since the previous night, he could actually feel his heart beating. Her head was lowered, and the tears were falling flat on the floor, and as the blonde sobbed, all he could do was wait for her to continue from where she had stopped. There was something more he didn’t know about their sudden break up, and apparently, that was the cause of her pain. A secret so well kept that couldn’t be but a mere detail that made no difference on the outcome of their relationship.

That secret was destroying her, he could tell.

And at that moment, even if he had told himself he wouldn’t let her explain herself and that he wouldn’t believe her words anymore; Jughead needed to know. He needed to listen to her voice.

“ What are you talking about, Betty? Who… Who was going to hurt me?”

He watched as she tried to wipe away her tears in an attempt of recomposing herself. Apparently, the girl who was still kneeled on the floor of an old diner was still trying to gather forces to continue. “ He told me he wouldn’t hurt you as long as I broke up with you, Jug. He told me he was going to kill you, and I-I… I couldn’t let that happen. Then I asked Archie to deliver you the message, even if I knew it would hurt more. I am so so sorry, Jughead. I thought I was going to protect you… But apparently, I was an idiot to believe him and now you’re here, leading and bruised and it’s all because of me.”

The wheels in his head were turning, as he tried his hardest to decipher her words. Just by looking at her miserable state, Jughead knew she wasn’t lying and that her words were anything but an illusion she had created in her head. She really was trying to protect him from someone, but the way Betty was saying those things just didn’t make any sense for him. There wasn’t only one he that had left him all hurt like that, no. There were a lot of Serpents hitting him last night, and even if some of them punched him really hard, he doubted any of them wanted him dead for simply being with her.

The Serpents aren’t the kindest people in the world, but they would never kill one of their own, and they certainly wouldn’t be motivated by a girl like her.

Hell— Those guys probably don’t even know Betty. There was no way she could be talking about a Serpent or the his initiation.

But if not by the gauntlet, why did she even think he would be physically hurt?

Shivers ran down his spine after asking himself that question, and for a moment, his throat went dry. There was a sudden, ominous presence weighing on his shoulders, and it was as if hunger eyes were set on him. Once their worried eyes met, he forced himself to swallow that feeling away, taking a deep breath before gathering some courage to listen to the answer they were both afraid to hear.

He didn’t want to know who was the man who wanted him dead, and she certainly didn’t want to say that name.

But for the sake of their hearts, the name had to be said out loud.

“ Betty… Who’s the man you’re talking about?"

“ Who?” She lifted an eyebrow in pure confusion. “ The Black Hood, Jughead…. Who else could’ve done that to you?”

At the sound of her voice, all the air in his lungs disappeared. His heart started to beat faster, and for the first time since the attacks started in Riverdale, Jughead was afraid of the angel of death. There was a killer after him, and most importantly, this killer was using her in some kind of sick game.

He was manipulating her and threatening the people she loves to get what he wants. He—

That bastard had made her break up with him.

But why? That was the main question he still couldn’t figure out. Why would a killer want anything from a high school girl? It just didn’t make any sense, at least not with just that info.

Jughead needed more details. He needed to know the whole truth.

And something told him Betty Cooper still hadn’t said it all.

“ Betty… The Black Hood didn’t do this to me.”

“ What…?”

“ The Serpents did it during my initiation as one of them. It was not the Black Hood.”

Her eyes went wide in a fraction of seconds, and fear took over her face. The tears stopped, her hands stiffened, and before she could even move, Jughead held her by the wrist in order to prevent her from running away.

Apparently, he could really read her.

“ Jug… I-I… I gotta go. I can’t be here with you.”

“ Betty… What is it that you’re not telling me?”

“ It’s nothing! We’re done, remember? There’s nothing left to be discussed, now let me go!”

“ You’re not going anywhere until you tell me the truth!”

“ Please, Jug… Try to understand. I wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t! It’s too dangerous!”

“ I’m not afraid of that asshole, Betty! Can’t you see what he’s doing to you!? To Us!?”

“ Don’t you think I know!? I’ve considered every option, and this is the only one I know will keep you safe! I love you, Jug! So let me protect you!”

“ And who the hell is protecting you!?” Anger filled his voice, and his eyes were suddenly glaring at the broken girl in front of him. Before he knew it, all the anger he was feeling at himself switched to her, and it even worried him that he could actually be hurting her delicate wrist. He was mad at her for being so selfish and ignoring his own feelings at such an important time. Jughead also worried about her— damn, of course he did. And now that he knew she was hiding something that could end up hurting her, there was just no way he was going to let that go.

He was not going to let her go. Not again.

“ Look, Betts…” He started, again, once he realized she wouldn’t say anything. His voice was softer, now as he allowed her nickname to roll out of his tongue. His grip around her wasn’t that tight anymore, and his eyes were a lot softer. Now that he had found hope after having his heart crushed, Jughead felt like he had better control on his emotions instead of letting it all out on her. “ You can’t hide this from me. Please…”

The words that came from his mouth hit her straight in the heart, and the way his eyes were looking at her was just making things a lot harder for her. Betty knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. Knowing him, Jughead wouldn’t just be quiet about it, and he would certainly get the Serpents involved. It would be too dangerous and even if she was feeling like crap, she knew things could get a lot worse if he wasn’t alive when that whole mess came to an end.

No matter what, she couldn’t tell him the truth.

But— oh, ignoring his plea was just so hard.

For the first time in weeks, the boy in front of her was the same, sweet and reckless boy that had climbed her window and kissed her. He was being honest and his innocence was there, spread all over his face. He was once again that kind, insecure boy who stole her heart, and at that moment, he wasn’t sure if he was loved anymore. Even if she had told him, his heart wouldn’t simply take that as an answer, no. Jughead needed more than just her words. Hell, he deserved so much more than what she could offer him.

And yet, there he was, begging her to let him in and help her get through that mess. It felt like their roles were swapped, and instead of being the positive and kind half of that relationship, Betty was the one building walls around herself so she wouldn’t affect anyone else who dared approach. She was keeping everyone away, and no matter what, she wouldn’t let anyone in.

She wouldn’t let them risk their lives. Not for her. Not for anyone else.

At least she now knew how he felt.

Once she felt his fingers relaxing around her wrist, the blonde finally allowed a sigh to escape her lungs. She closed her eyes, taking a step closer to the raven haired boy. Their eyes connected after a moment, and for a fraction of second, they were able to share a moment of pure honesty and love like they had only shared a couple of months before. It was comforting, yet heartbreaking, because they both knew what was about to happen next.

There would be no honesty.

There would be no truth.

But there would certainly be love.

With a longing feeling reflected in their eyes, both of the teenagers followed the rhythm of their hearts. She leaned down and he tilted his head up before their lips met in a chaste and honest kiss. He felt his hands cupping her cheeks, and she knew he could feel her scars pressed against his neck as they did their best to hold onto that moment for as long as they could. Lips moved together, hearts beat as one. For now, they were saying goodbye to each other, and even if there were still so many secrets kept in between them, one truth— perhaps the most important one— was confirmed with that kiss.

I still love you

And then, after the unspoken words were heard, Betty Cooper broke the kiss and ran away in the middle of the pouring rain. Even if it was cold and wet, her broken heart felt warmer and her crackled lips softer. She wasn’t fine at that moment, and that talk with Jughead would probably make her cry even harder that night, but it also gave her back the strength she believed to have faded.

She was stronger now. Wiser. She was the damaged, loner outsider from the right side of the tracks now, and she was going to make sure the Black Hood paid for the suffering he was causing them.

He was going to pay. And soon, they would finally have their happy ending.

#bughead #bughead fanfiction #riverdale #mybugheadfics

[angelpriorarchive]

a comprehensive character creation guide

by kate (aka angelprior) 

hello all! this is going to be a very very long post, so i’ve put the meat of it under the cut, but recently i’ve embarked on a journey of severely in-depth characterization for the book i’m co-writing. i thought it would be helpful to both myself and any fellow writers out there to construct a complete and comprehensive set of questions by which to flesh out a character. this guide has over 200+ questions to help you get to know your character better, and to keep your character consistent throughout the story. it’s a great guide to save and come back to throughout your writing process; i’ve organized it into 10 categories (some with sub-categories for better accessibility) and have included some awesome resources that will hopefully help you along the way. this has been constructed with some assistance (i’ve done my best to give credit where credit is due, but if you find the source for something in this guide that is uncredited please let me know so i can give proper credit or take it down) and based off of some help i’ve gotten from past teachers in high school. this guide is solely based on characterization, so if you’re looking for some plot development guides you might have better luck elsewhere (although i have found that a deeper understanding of your characters helps a TON with plotblock). this guide can be used for original characters, both fantasy and real-world based, as well as rpg characters or helping you understand a character better for a fanwork. it can also be used to help you study a character you may be playing as an actor! (there are not necessarily too many fantasy-element based questions, but there are places where you can use whats applicable in your fantasy realm in place of real world alternatives, its all very open ended.) 

tl;dr, here is a guide of over 200 questions to help you become one with your characters, i hope you find it helpful and educational. thank you for your time. 

Character Basics & Physicality

okay, its time to flesh out the basics. knowing exactly who your character is will always begin with their very first formation. when you picture your character in your head, what do you see? you see their body, maybe their aura. likely you already have a name picked out. the vision you first get is their essence. mapping out a characters basic information and body structure is really only the skeleton of what your character can be. getting beyond these basics and adding more to their existence will make them more dynamic and relatable. humans, after all, are much more than we see on the surface. but that surface impression is a great place to start. think of this section as the “what my coworkers know about me” section, facts that can be gleaned through observation or light questioning. things someone would include in a bio, or put on an official document. a great resource for a quick bio page (one that was a HEAVY influence on this questionnaire) was this no-effort character sheet pdf by justsomecynic. i found it amazingly helpful, and they made an awesome printable pdf, so you can have a quick guide to your character ready when you need it! 

the following is split into two categories, basics & physicality. if you feel the need to add extra sections to cover something i missed, throw them in!

Basics

1. Full Name (this one is simple. be sure to include all names your character might have, and if you want, look up definitions of those names, or add what significant events led to your character having said names.)

2. Past Names (this is where you would include any names your character has been known by, either in previous points of your story or before it officially starts. think maiden names, names before transitioning, titles they may have lost, etc.)

3. Ethnicity (heritage is key! if you’re a boring mystery white american like me, your ancestry may have little to no influence on you, but for many others their ethic identity is in credibly influential on how they lead their lives, and how they’re treated. keep in mind: if you are writing for a character of a differing ethnicity from yourself, please do the proper research on what it’s like to live in that culture. obviously this applies to real world cultures, i’m sure none of us know any elves or mages that we could talk to, but if your character is real world based and does not share your cultural experiences, please make sure to connect with people who are actually of that ethnicity and reflect their narrative of living. it will save a lot of hurt, and your work will magnify in quality. please remember general human kindness when constructing any character.)

4. Age (again, straightforward, but if we see your character at multiple ages throughout the story, give a range.)

5. Sexual Orientation (if your character is written to feel a certain way but identify as a conflicting sexuality, write both what your character may be and what they think themselves to be. for example, i have a character that is written as asexual and has textbook asexual feelings, but never comes to terms with her asexuality and continues to identify as heterosexual. again, keep in mind your depiction of groups you do not belong to. my character is ace because i am ace, and i’ve written her to match the narrative of my experiences. but when it comes to my bisexual character, i’m constantly drawing advice from my bisexual friends and other resources to help form a more accurate narrative. be mindful, y’all.)

6. Gender Identity (same as above)

7. Employment Record (include any jobs your character worked both before the story and during. write it like your experience record on a resume!)

8. Criminal Record (character ever got caught breaking a law? served time? minor infraction? accomplice to murder? parking ticket? put it all here!)

9. Birth-date, Time, and Location (you may want to orchestrate this based on your characters birth chart, which we will get to, but make sure to include all circumstances under which your character came to be. not a natural birth? how did they come to exist?)

10. Professional Affiliations (this is a very career oriented segment, but basically this is where you would list some significant professional achievements. an md if they’re a doctor, a certified judge, minted military, ceo status, anything of that nature. the kind of stuff you’d have on a fancy plaque on a door.)

Physicality

consider this section the body basics. these are all things you would notice upon first glance or further study, things a doctor would learn in a routine checkup, things to look for in an actor or faceclaim. 

11. Build (what is your character’s body type & build? this heavily affects diet & exercise.)

12. Height (range if it changes)

13. Weight (range if it changes)

14. Eye Color (here’s a cool chart if you want to get technical with your selection!)

15. Hair

15a. Color (natural and artificial)

15b. Length (range if it changes)

15c. Style (put together a folder of some reference pictures on any styles your character has)

15d. Texture (not all hair is the same consistency! ethnicity plays a role in this. make sure your characters hair type/texture matches their heritage.)

16. Markings (this can be any number of things. tattoos, scars, birthmarks, skin conditions, etc. map them all out on a body model and keep a reference of the design & location of any tattoos, and what they mean to them! tattoos are purposeful & tell a story, write it.)

17. Physical Disabilities (if your character is not able bodied, what is their diagnosis? please do not write characters with disabilities if you have not researched the disability itself and gathered a narrative from folks who have it! with proper research, characters with disabilities are amazing and dynamic and bring representation we sorely need, but without accurate portrayals they become tokenized or stereotypical, and often written in a very ableist fashion. please! be! mindful!)

18. Posture (how does your character sit or stand and what affects this? for example characters with huge boobs will have horrible posture because of all the extra weight. characters raised in high society might have had excellent posture ingrained in them. keep in mind why your character is constructed the way they are, there’s a reason for everything.)

19. Gait (gait is a person’s manner of walking. is it confident? wonky? quick? slow? describe what it is and why.)

20. Vocal Quality & Tone (what does your characters voice sound like and what is their general tone? do they have resting bitch voice? do others find their voice high pitched and annoying?)

21. Volume & Speech Level (are they generally soft spoken or abrasively loud? does this change depending on their environment or remain the same?) 

22. Exercise Regimen (does your character keep their body in shape? how so and how often?)

23. General Health

23a. Diseases (has your character ever contracted/been diagnosed with a disease? research & accurately portray! mindfulness!)

23b. Eating/Weight Disorders (does your character have an eating disorder? an issue gaining or loosing weight? research & accurately portray! eating disorders are real, painful issues that deserve to be treated with respect. mindfulness!)

23c. Dietary Habits (what does your character consume? if you want, design a meal plan for a typical week in their lives. do they try to be healthy or eat whatever they want? any food allergies?)

23d. Allergies (anything your character is allergic to?)

24. Body Language (what does your characters body language look like in the following situations?)

24a. Upon First Meeting

24b. When Discomforted

24c. When in Love

24d. Average/Resting Behavior

24e. Type of Laughter

24f. Type of Cry

25. Appearance Through Physicality (on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the first word and 10 being the second, highlight the number that most accurately represents what your character would present through their physicality. for the first one, for example, just by looking at your character, would they seem more unkempt or meticulous? maybe they fall somewhere in the middle, perhaps a five or six.)

25a. Unkempt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Meticulous

25b. Timid 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Confident

25c. Harried 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Callous

26. Physical Traits Developed Through Customary Activities (does your character have a physical action they’ve done so many times it’s become an integral part of their physicality? for example, when i was in elementary school other kids used to make fun of me for being short. so to make myself seem taller, i started walking on my toes. i did that so much for so long that now i walk wrong. when you step, you step with your heel first, but because i spent so many years walking that way, i step with my toes. it’s changed the makeup of my body! there are other things that have similar effects. for example, my character is a dancer, so she moves with much more grace and fluidity than others. a character also could have had a past injury, that caused them to be tender with certain movements, have a limp, etc. include all these kinds of things and why they came to be.)

Personality & Social Status

this one gets a little more complicated. here we’ve got 8 subcategories, because personality really can’t be fit into something so small. the full complexity of human beings will always be a fascinating study, and it is my belief that it’s why we create art. i believe that characters are written to show us things, reveal parts of ourselves, and help us gain a higher understanding of what it means to be human. this philosophy shines its brightest when characters are written with full fledged unique personalities. they become human to us when they have likes and dislikes, successes and flaws. personality is what helps a character become real, instead of a plot device wearing the clothes of a human being. your story will have ten fold its intended impact if it contains characters audiences can care about, and we seldom find time to care about two dimensional people. put as much as you can into this section. the more things you can think about, the better. make huge lists in response to these questions, especially about specific things! trying to decide what music your character would listen to? make a damn playlist! gather photos, come up with stories to add reason, put in as many little details as you like. every anecdote and arbitrary preference brings your character one step closer to the truth of being real.

Personality

27. Comforts (what things in life make your character feel comfortable and safe? people? places? textures? sounds? media? smells? anything! bonus: vividly describe their “happy place”.)

28. Vices (what are things your character can’t live without? any real and chronic addictions, like drugs or alcohol? unhealthy obsessions? things they can’t stop fangirling over? can’t go to work without a mocha?)

29. Personal Awareness (how well does your character know themselves? do they know exactly what they like? are they aware when they’ve made a mistake? do they have clear goals?)

30. Confidence Level (how confident is your character in their identity? presentation? behavior? choices? abilities?)

31. Temperament (how quickly are they angered? and by what? are they generally angry?)

32. Career Goals (in a perfect world where everything is achievable, what would be the one thing, or many things, they would want to do in their preferred line of work? what would they like to do in their imperfect world?)

33. Preferred Area of Study (what types of education are they enthusiastic about? have they done much in those areas?)

34. Educational Background (describe their entire schooling and education. list special achievements.)

35. Mental Disabilities (has your character ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? are they concerned they might have one, or have been written to have one, but not received an official diagnosis? describe and portray accurately. again, i cannot stress this enough, even if it is for a piece of fictional, fun writing, it is never okay to disrespect marginalized groups of human beings that you do not belong to. as i said before, representation is fucking important, but if you are not a member of the group you are not of the authority to portray their existence in any way you see fit. there is nothing wrong with having disabled characters. we need more of them. we need to bring visibility to them. but we cannot do so without their voices. it’s their lives, their narrative. do your research. talk to people. do everything you can to get feedback on your character and portrayal. be an advocate for representation, not a voice for stereotypes and bigotry. it is not hard to get assistance. again, your quality will magnify. lastly: please remember that folks with disabilities of any kind (i have seen this most commonly with mental illness but it happens frequently for others as well) are just as human as any able person. their disabilities (or rather our disabilities, i do belong to this group) do not make us any less human or real. don’t use us as a plot device. don’t use our illness as a plot device. we are human, we deserve to be written with clarity and respect. (okay i think this is the last time i will rant about this but NO GUARANTEES))

Inclinations

describe your characters behavior, both in physicality and activities, when in the following situations in detail.

36. When Content

37. When Aggravated

38. When Inebriated

39. When Insulted

40. When Attacked

41. When Praised

42. When Concerned

43. When Suspicious

44. When Trusting

45. When Ecstatic

Affectations

46. What They Lead People to Believe About Themselves (what kind of behavior does your character take on to present a certain image? what is that image? why is it important that they uphold that image?)

47. What They Do To Preserve Their Integrity (how do they act to keep up with their moral beliefs? what do they do to make it known to others that their integrity is intact?)

48. How They Hide A Lie

49. How They Present The Truth

50. Wardrobe

50a. How They Dress

50b. What it Signifies to Them

50c. What They Wish To Communicate Through Their Wardrobe

51. Possessions

51a. What Prevalent Possessions are Owned

51b. What it Signifies to Them

51c. What They Wish to Communicate Through Possessions

Preferences 

feel free to get super detailed here! make extensive lists of specific things, compile photos, booklets, anything. make moodboards! make playlists! archives, anything! have fun with this bit. give your character if somewhat unnecessary flair. you may never end up putting much about these facts in your stories, but you never know what might come up! these are the kind of things that make people people. we’ve all good random interests we’ve gathered along the years. if you want to go even more in depth, come up with anecdotes about how your character came to love these things. if you feel there’s something in one of these categories your character would despise, or more than one thing, list those out too!

52. Activities (both to observe and perform)

53. Genres and Art Types 

54. Food and Drink

55. Colors and Aesthetics (do they prefer warm tones or cool tones? designs with grecian influences? just really into things that remind them of clowns?)

56. Locations (both to be and to visit briefly, big or small scale)

57. People (both in their life, famous, or fictional)

58. Music

59. Literature (not restricted to “fancy books”, just writing pieces)

60. Media (films, television, comics, other)

61. Method of Transportation (both as a passenger and as a performer)

62. Method of Relaxation 

63. Sights 

64. Smells

65. Sensations (touch, motion, textures, i.e. skin to skin, roller coasters or swings, soft velvet)

66. Humor (what style of humor do they find the funniest? i.e. dry, political, situational, slapstick etc)

Distastes

a bit different than preferences, these would be categorically things that your character would find very difficult to put up with, instead of generally disliking. for example, when it comes to things like colors, we often have likes and dislikes based purely on opinion. i hate the color red. there’s no reasoning behind it, i just don’t like it as a color. so if your character dislikes a certain band because they find them annoying, or doesn’t want anything to do with circus themes, it would fit better above. but as with the following categories like archetype of person, there is usually very much a reason behind having disdain for a certain grouping of behaviors, so it would go below. 

67. Situations (whether it be social or physical)

68. Phobias

69. Archetype of Person (to clarify with this one; the purpose here is to profile, in essence, a grouping of behaviors that together are upsetting for your character. archetype means embodiment, so basically here you would describe the “embodiment” of what your character’s “nightmare human” would be. there are common archetypes in fiction, so you could bounce off of some of the established ones, or you could build your own from scratch. this isn’t intended to open up prejudice, although if your character is for example a prejudiced villain this could be the section to put those details in.) 

70. Interpersonal Behaviors (what are some behaviors your character sees happening between other people that they find deeply reprehensible?)

71. Sensations (any feelings or experiences to do with the senses that cause your character extreme discomfort and why)

72. Miscellaneous (any other things that are really upsetting to them!)

Social Environment

fill out the following seven questions for each of the three stages of life for your character. once for childhood, once for adolescence, and once for adulthood.

73. Residences (be exact. describe the buildings and situations in as much detail as possible, right down to floor plan and the neighbors.)

74. Familial Unit 

75. Familial Dynamic

76. Social Class

77. Significant Events

78. Relevant and Recurring Behaviors

79. Development of Maturity

Economic Class & Power Placement

unless your character happens to exist in some magical world where economics and social class are nonexistent, its likely you’ll need these next couple of sections. while they might not constantly bear relevance to the plot line or even be mentioned, it’s very important to know where your character stands when it comes to money and power. where we are in the social ladder so to speak has a very important role in our personal development, and can reveal quite a lot about your character. make sure to keep in mind any events or situations that might change where your character lies economically, and that actions have real world consequences. for example, if your character owns an expensive car, they need both the money and the time to purchase and maintain it, which is less money and time they have for other things. make sure to keep a realistic balance of what your character gains and what your character spends.

Economic Class

80. Average Annual Income 

81. Tax Bracket (what income bracket does your character fall in and how much are they taxed? is there special taxation depending on the area they live in? i.e. oregon has no sales tax but high property tax, california has lower property tax and sales tax)

82. How Income is Earned (what kind of job do they have & how are they paid? how often? is their job taxable? do they have dependents?)

83. Bills & Debts (amenities cost money. water, heat, food, electricity, rent, garbage, maintenance, transportation, phone, etc will all cost your character money to have. map out a required budget for your character including everything they need to survive and how much they spend monthly on it. include any debts owed, like student loans or credit card payments.)

84. What Their Money is Spent On

84a. For Purpose (what kind of larger, big ticket items would they save up for and then purchase? a car, computer, new house/home improvements, college fund, pets, children, investments, etc)

84b. For Pleasure (what are things they like to get for personal enjoyment? chronic shopper? new dvds every week? vinyl fiend?)

84c. Unnecessarily (gifts for others, frivolous extras, things bought solely as retail therapy, etc. different from pleasure because purchases made specifically to bring you happiness can be more impactful than purchases made with the mindset of “eh, why not.” think treat yo self vs convenient at-the-mall-smoothie)

84d. saver 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 spender

85. Monetary Goals (sort of the preliminary for 84a. the things they set their sights on economically, trust funds, etc. think big, give purpose. they want a sports car? why? what does it mean to them?)

86. Form of Assets (what form does their money come in? usd? euros? mythical money? barter system?)

Power Placement

87. Political Capabilities (what political powers do they have access to? i.e. the right to vote, right to protest, freedom of speech etc.)

88. Legal Rights Available (what legal/political powers are available to your character’s specific demographic? do they have access to all or some of them?)

89. Aspects That Give Them More Power (what aspects of their demographic may give them more power than others?)

90. Aspects That Give Them Less Power (what aspects of their demographic may give them less power than others?)

91. Activism Work

92. Destructivism Work (think the opposite of above. does your character carry a political agenda that works against human rights?)

93. Prominent Actions (led a march? murdered a president?)

94. Legal Battles (anything taken to court? can also be personal if not political, i.e. child custody battle or injury lawsuit)

95. Other (anything else? non real world specific?)

Types & Alignments

this one is mostly here for fun. these are a few extra ways of getting to know your character through personality tests, nerdy associations, astrology, etc. if you don’t know to what the question is referring (not in the fandom/don’t care to answer) just replace or skip it. 

Types

96. MBTI Personality Type (this one is an obvious starting point. take this test in character, and keep the descriptions in mind! i’ve found they’re scary accurate.) 

97. 9 Alignments Type (otherwise known as the dnd alignments, here’s a good test to see where your character is aligned.) 

98. Four Temperaments Type (the greek types, as you may have heard before. here’s a simple test.)

99. Keirsey Temperament Sorter Type (sort of a cross between the mbti and the four temperaments, this test is a bit more in depth info.)

100. Birth Chart (a persons astrological birth chart can reveal a lot about their personality & how they approach certain aspects of life. depending on what you have already established in your character, you may want to orchestrate their birth chart to match certain traits you’ve already given them. check out some of these guides for interpretation to help you decide how you want it arranged.)

101. Hogwarts House & Patronus

102. Starfleet Position

103. Middle Earth Race

104. Shadow-world Race (TMI series)

105. Superpower (if your character has a cannon one, or one they would have if they could)

106. Fictional Characters They Identify With (if they exist in our world, any characters we may know or be familiar with, if in a fictional world, someone there that could be prevalent i.e. in an old folk tale or something in that vein)

Alignments

in the same 1 to 10 rating format as previous

107. sinner 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 saint

108. passive 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 aggressive 

109. introvert 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 extrovert

110. isolated 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 friendly

111. unlikable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 appealing

112. lazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 motivated

113. illiterate 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 intellectual

114. oblivious 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 perceptive 

115. fight 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 flight

116. disloyal 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 dependable

117. honest 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 deceptive

118. consistent 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 flaky 

119. uninspired 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 creative 

120. modest 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 boastful

Morality, Spirituality, & Culture 

depending on how deep of an attachment your character may have to these aspects, the following beliefs can often be huge influences on a character’s motivations and actions. being in touch with your characters beliefs and ethical climate will help make your character more in-depth and believable. it will give your character choices reason, and will help you avoid out of character moments.

Morality 

121. Greatest Motivation in Life (what is the number one most important thing your character must achieve that takes precedence over anything else? does your character even have one? why or why not?)

122. Objectives (other large goals/intentions that are pervasively prevalent)

123. What They Value Most (basically, what is their definition of success?)

124. Ethical Code (what do they define as good and evil? be specific)

125. Awareness of Own Morals (how well are they in touch with their moral beliefs? have they ever crossed a line they didn’t think they could and been okay with it? are they more of a goodie-two-shoes than they thought?)

126. Events That Have Shaped Beliefs (what significant events have caused them to believe the way they do about good and bad?)

127. Influential Persons (who has shaped these beliefs and how?)

128. Valued Behavior in Close Relationships (what are some of their most valued behaviors when it comes to their interpersonal relationships?)

129. Behaviors Taken to Uphold Morality (what do they do to prove to themselves they really do believe the way they say? not necessarily behaviors to make others see their morality, but to prove it to themselves.)

130. Challenges Made to Beliefs (what events or people have challenged their morals? did it cause permanent change? or a crisis of character?)

Spirituality 

131. Religion Or Spiritual Code (if they subscribe to an existing religion, please portray it with accuracy and mindfulness. remember when you’re writing that a stereotypical representation of a demographic does not make you a good writer or a good person. use your head.)

132. Relevance of Spirituality (how much does their spiritual beliefs play into their every day life?)

133. Daily Practices (anything they do regularly? i.e. prayer, celebrate a specific holiday, ritual behaviors, etc)

134. Evangelism (do they do any work to spread their beliefs?)

135. Influences of Spirituality (has their beliefs severely influenced anyone around them or made palpable change in their life/the life of someone close to them?)

Culture

136. Ethnic Culture (describe the culture of their ethnicity, both old age and now)

137. Social Culture (describe their current social culture)

138. Generational Culture (describe the culture of their generation, including the differences between theirs and others)

139. Relevance of Culture to Everyday Behavior (how much do the previous answers directly influence their behavior and in what way?)

140. Connection to Culture (how connected do they feel to those cultures?)

141. Desired Cultural Changes (in what ways do they wish to see things changed in their cultures? what would they like to change about how the rest of the world views their cultures?)

Obstacles and Shortcomings 

it’s always important to bear in mind how imperfect your characters are. not only to avoid encountering a mary sue (if you’re curious what that is, read here and take a test here to see just how much you’re doing it) but also to maintain the humanity of your character. people fuck up, a lot, on lots of things. characters will be more realistic and relatable if they have flaws. these can be flaws of a hero or very serious issues that make a character a villain. the previous sections are a great place to explore the mind of a villainous character, and here we can see a lot of the reasons why. failure pushes people in a lot of different and unpredictable ways, and these can often be why a character is driven to be the antagonist. (tips when writing an antagonist; if they are intended to be truly evil, and serve as an antithesis for your hero, they are often more dynamic and interesting if they have a motivation other than ‘being evil’. it could be an innumerate amount of things; maybe they want money, respect, revenge, absolution, need to prove themselves, etc. it does not have to be a noble or redeemable cause ((and imo they’re more evil and dislike-able if it isn’t)) but having some sort of shameful, immoral, human cause behind their acts will make them all the more vile.) on the flipside of this, having flaws in your hero makes people like them more, plain and simple. a perfect protagonist holds no connection for audiences, and we always have the desire to root for someone who has to work harder to overcome what they’re after. make your character earn their success. not just in giving them many plot-based challenges, but in challenges from themselves. overcoming your worst fear is more satisfactory than slaying the dragon. both are badass, and if you can do it in one go, go for it. but always bear in mind the truth of humans; we are not good at all of the things. make your character suck at some stuff!

Obstacles

142. Biggest Weaknesses

143. Biggest Fears

144. Economic Obstacles Preventing Goals

145. Societal Obstacles Preventing Goals

146. Interpersonal Obstacles Preventing Goals

147. Natural & Unavoidable Obstacles Preventing Goals

148. Self-Inflicted Obstacles Preventing Goals

Shortcomings

149. Biggest Failure (what is the one thing your character views as their biggest fuck-up?)

150. Consistent Failures (what are behaviors that they’re constantly kicking themselves for doing?)

151. Instances of Inaction (when are times that they’ve been able to stop something bad from happening and didn’t?)

152. Reasons for Inaction (why have they decided not to act/continued not to act?)

153. How Shortcomings are Internalized (how do they deal with their failures internally? what does it do to their psyche?)

154. How Shortcomings are Externalized (how do their feelings surrounding their failures manifest in their behavior?)

155. Corrective Behavior (what actions have they taken to combat their failure?)

Interpersonal Relationships

in the interest of ease and organization, this next section is a short mini-questionnaire that you can use to help keep your character’s relationships in order. the best way to utilize this section is to fill out the following 11 questions for every character yours interacts with. 

156. First Contact (describe the very first interaction the two characters have)

157. First Impression (what does your character initially believe about the other? be specific)

158. Anticipated Behavior (what actions does your character believe the other will take based on their first impression? what do they predict their behavior to be like?)

159. Informed Opinion (what is your character’s opinion of the other after getting to know them deeper?)

160. Nature of Relationship (what kind of relationship do they form? a quick wiki overview)

161. Value of Relationship (on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is the preservation of this relationship to your character?) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 

162. Conflicts of Nature (what conflicts between the characters occur because of unchangeable ‘natural’ obstacles?)

163. Conflicts of Nurture (what conflicts between the characters occur because of morality/belief differences?)

164. Changed Opinion (what is your characters final opinion of the other at the end of their story?)

165. Final Contact (the very last time they interact)

166. Legacy of Relationship (what lasting effect does this relationship have on your character?)

Character to World

this section is a bit small but includes some relevant questions. it’s important to keep in mind that your character is a part of a bigger world than just themselves. this may not be entirely relevant to them or your story, but it is something to bear in mind. 

167. Are they universally oriented in thinking?

168. What keeps them in their head?

169. What aggressions drive them over the edge?

170. What do they view as injustices in the world?

171. How far are they willing to go to affect change?

172. How large is their sphere of influence? 

173. How large do they believe their sphere of influence to be?

174. What events have they participated in that have had a positive impact on a large scale?

174a. small scale? 

174b. organized themselves?

174c. negative impact?

175. Actions taken to improve their world?

176. Actions taken that are inconvenient to themselves but help improve their world?

Your Character and the Monomyth

the monomyth, or the hero’s journey, is a broad open-ended template many stories can easily fit in. while it’s imperative to do your best to be fresh and avoid cliches, it is a great way of exploring the way your character fits into your plot plans. its not a bad thing to fit into the monomyth, its very easy to do. but don’t think of it as requirements or a checklist; you don’t have to hit all of these points. if something is not applicable to your character, just skip it!

177. Call to Adventure (how does the character receive the call to adventure?)

178. Refusal of the Call (does the character accept the call immediately?)

179. Answering the Call (what motivates the character to accept the call?)

180. Supernatural Aide (who or what helps the hero on his journey & why?)

181. Guide/Mentor (is there a specific character that helps the hero understand the life situation or provides the hero with special training?)

182. Talisman (is there a particular item that has special significance to the hero?)

183. Companions (who is with the hero on their journey? how do these companions help the hero face challenges?)

184. Crossing the Threshold (at what point in the story does the hero leave the familiar world and move into a new, unfamiliar world?)

185. Threshold Guardians (are there characters that try to prevent the hero from crossing over into the unfamiliar territory or circumstance?)

186. Road of Trials (what specific challenges does the hero face?)

187. Brother Battle (does the hero battle physically or mentally with someone who is a relative or close friend?)

188. Meeting the Goddess (does the hero meet with a character with a special beauty and power?)

189. Abduction (is the hero kidnapped, or is someone close to the hero kidnapped?)

190. Night or Sea Journey (where do their travels take them?)

191. Dragon Battle (do they battle some kind of monster? do they face their inner demon?)

192. Ritual Death or Dismemberment (is the hero injured and thought to be dead? do they mistakenly believe someone close to them is dead? do they suffer an injury in which they lose a limb or use of some other body part?)

193. Sacred Marriage (does the hero have a special emotional bond with another character? including but not limited to actual marriage)

194. Atonement with/Recognition by the Father (in the hero reunited with the father in some way?)

195. Entering the Belly of the Whale (is there some point in the story where they must face their deepest fear or the darkest evil in the story?)

196. Apotheosis (is there a point in the story where the hero is held up as an ideal or where they are worshiped?)

197. Magic Elixir (do they find some sort of special solution to the problem they are attempting to solve?)

198. Refusal of the Return (does the hero initially refuse to return to the homeland or the place they began?)

199. Magic Flight/Pursuit (is there some point where the hero is being chased or otherwise trying to escape something?)

200. Rescue from Without (is there some point in the story when all seems hopeless, when it looks like the hero is going to die then is suddenly unexpectedly rescued?)

201. Crossing the Return Threshold (is there some point where they return home?)

202. Master of Two Worlds (does it appear that the hero has conquered life in both the familiar and unfamiliar worlds?)

203. Freedom to Live (has the problem they set out to resolved been repaired enough that all can live peacefully?)

Arch and Alteration: Character from Beginning to End

last but not least, all of this information is useless to both you and your audience if it doesn’t come with a story!! odds are your character has a plot planned for them, and they’re already moving forward in your mind. but in order to keep your plans cohesive and interesting, you’re gonna need some structure. using basic plot structure (exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution, you know the one) as your guide, design not only your plot structure but your character’s emotional arch as well. once you have them both, they should overlay to create a complete structured guide for the direction of both your character and the story. imagine it as a line graph, in fact, create one if it helps you! the x axis being the flow of time, the y axis being the increase of action/emotion. one line will follow the plot, and others will be your characters. this will help you know where a characters head is at during certain points in your timeline. if you know how your character is doing mentally, you can provide a clearer more accurate response from them due to the events at hand. be as detailed as possible in this to help you keep all your characters and events in order. thank you for reading, and happy writing!!

#mine #im gonna tag all the blogs i follow and have loved for a long time in this #but if u dont wanna be tagged/are disinterested in these kinds of posts/would not like to be in the future jst shoot me an ask #i will gladly take ur tag off my list #thank u to all who read/save/use!!! #i promise more of my posts in the future will be less bulky #i might put up a few more guides as i make them but only if people are interested #anyways ill be putting up caps & gifsets soon im investing in a desktop #chromebooks cant do shit #anyways #hope u enjoy #useralex #userben #quillpete #usererin #userstormborn #spiideysenses #obwian #gounderoos #delacourr #usertala #mcavoying #chrisfine #daissyridley #remusluvpin #matthewdaddrio #bottomkirk #bradleeyjamess #uservilu #userlara

[steamishot]

differences

just like last time after spending time with matt’s family, i feel a little uncomfortable/anxious. this time, we took a 5 day roadtrip to norcal (yosemite, napa, sausalito and san fransisco). this is the longest time i’ve ever spent with them, being in their presence basically 24/7 - same car, sleeping in the same room, doing all the same activities and sharing each meal. as i spent time with them, i started learning more about their background and what their values are. he grew up with a stereotypical tiger mother. his parents are both highly educated and have excellent work ethic. his dad is a lot more laidback and doesn’t care as much as his mom about wealth and social status. their conversations were never just for chit chatting, focusing on day to day stuff, or humor; topics included how much money so and so is making, what specialities their family friends children’s became (as doctors), how this new physician couple with a baby has a household income of 700k but can’t afford a house in SF, achievements of their friend’s kids (and usually very high achieving). on one of the days, his parents met up with some family friends/relatives and they “joked” that finally the Li family has a doctor (matt). 

this is all foreign to me. perhaps its the differences in teachings between confucius (strong emphasis on self-improvement, obedience to parents, high educational standards) and buddhism (cultivating mind/spirituality, being grateful for the things you have) <- kind of made that up as well lol. anyway, i felt like all the conversations his mom has with him does have his best interest in mind and is coming from a place of care. she constantly told him that he needs to diet and lose weight. she worries that we won’t be able to afford a house (esp bc i’m not contributing equally to the household income). i realize that she makes some competitive comments towards me that come off as condescending. there were some times in the two days i spent at his house after our trip that i had to retreat back into the room because the conversation/energy from his mom became too intense. i can tell i’m far from her ideal standards for a daughter in law and that she’s constantly worrying about our future. she wasn’t as friendly to me this time around. his dad would make comments about our future and be inclusive of me (i.e. when matt and connie buy a house, when they return from NYC and both will need cars) but she looked like she didn’t want to entertain the idea. apparently, she was annoyed at me during our road trip because i didn’t have a sense of urgency or didn’t become stressed out (regarding parking and making reservations on time) when she was stressed. i didn’t know i was supposed to freak out over minor things to make her feel better. 

i decided to research more into this and look into asian parents on reddit. one comment in a thread really helped me understand the tiger parent mentality. basically, these parents/moms do not want to settle for “good enough”. they need a high class income to buy a great house in a great neighborhood to send their kids to a great (private) school. instead of viewing me as someone who takes care of her son and provides a lot of support to get him through residency, she sees me as someone who brings him/their family down. his education is considered a product of the parents’ hard work. so in a way, as someone who doesn’t bring a substantial financial amount to the table, i would be seen as coasting on their hard work aka be seen as a leech.

after a while, i’m starting to believe it too. perhaps we are on entirely different levels with entirely different values. it reminds me of the time that my mom was so unhappy with my last partner and assumed i would have to take care of him financially. and i get it - people of all socioeconomics classes can be happy and have varying levels of what they seek from life; each family has their own standards. the lifestyle that my ex and his family led was “good enough” for them, but not good enough for my family. the lifestyle that my family and i lead is “good enough” for us, but might not be for them. 

so, i’m not sure anymore. his mom has a huge presence in the family’s lives and is very stubborn. if wealth and social status is this important to his family, and if i were the one to bring “shame” into the family, then that would suck. 

it feels as if i’m constantly adapting to things. coming back to LA this time while actually having more NYC experiences/friends, i felt everything was so slow paced here. when i got tacos with S on my first day back, it seemed people just walked and talked slower. similarly, coming back to my house after staying with matt’s family, i’m feeling guilty for just taking life easy and relaxing/not stressing out about things. most of the conversations between my family members tend not to be serious, and involves a few chuckles/jokes. i adapted a little to matt’s family - i know that conversations like this are nonexistent and considered a waste of time to them. 

my parents (esp at their age) stress the importance of being happy and healthy, which include a good amount of quality time with family and friends. they often go to parties, they dance with their friends, eat out with them, go on trips, have drinks, and having laughs (with a “good enough” wealth/career). happiness in matt’s mom’s eyes look like building wealth, having high education/respectable career, doing things to impress others/having bragging rights, and constantly improving. healthy is just being athletic. i understand that it’s a cultural difference as well. i compare the two, and i feel like the quality of my parents lives is better (maybe biased). matt’s mom had angina (chest pain) and some other health issues (weak knee, high cholesterol, eye twitches) and overall her skin and hair do not look healthy. his mom also lost a tooth. his dad developed gout from overworking and has deteriorating teeth but is overall in better condition than his mom. according to matt, his dad is smarter about “life” in that he realized earlier on working to his death made no sense without any enjoyment.

[ceruleansiren]

5.

1. Air Conditioning: At what level or temperature is it on today? I always have it set to 73 during the warmer months. I HATE being hot lol.

2. Pet: Where does your (favorite) pet sleep at night? She sleeps on the bed with me. I never thought I would be THAT person but here we are.

3. Laptop: Is it in your lap, on the table, or somewhere else? Is it plugged in/charging? It’s on my desk, plugged in.

4. Cell phone: Name a person that you only use your cell phone to talk to (no texting or otherwise)? Nobody.

5. Pillows: How many pillows do you actually use while sleeping (not just on your bed)? 4, but 2 is okay.

6. Candles: What is your favorite scent that you own? How often do you light it? I don’t own any right now. I use plug in air fresheners, and I love the fresh laundry scent lol.

7. Cigarettes: Who in your house smokes I live by myself, so nobody. No one in my family smokes cigarettes either.

8. Couch: How many people could sit comfortably on it? 6, it’s a wrap around.

9. Glasses: Who wears glasses in your house? Are they near-sighted or far-sighted? In my family 5/6 wear glasses. Should be 6/6 but my dad is stubborn and refuses to get reading glasses.

10. Toothpaste: What brand do you use/like best? Crest.

11. Pencils: Do you prefer using regular or mechanical pencils? I always liked mechanical more. But I prefer using a pen.

12. Coffee mug: What kind of hot beverage do you drink the most? I don’t drink any hot drinks.

13. Television: What is your favorite television channel? What are the best shows that air on it? I’m a trashy TV watcher so I like TLC the best.

14. Chapstick: Do you get chapped lips a lot? When was the last time you had them? Not really chapped, but kinda dry. I try to use chapstick pretty regularly to prevent that.

15. Musical instrument: What instrument is it and who plays it? If it’s you, what is your favorite song to play on it? My sister is teaching herself piano.

16. Trashcan: Whose responsibility is it to take out the trash at your house? Me since I live alone lol.

17. Plants: What kind of plants do you have in your house? How often are they watered? I have a few succulents that get watered about once week.

18. Hair dyer: Who in your family has the longest hair? How long is yours? Mollie’s is probably longer than mine right now. Mine is maybe 20 inches. idk.

19. Chocolate: What kind is better: milk, dark, or white? Milk.

20. Shoes: The last time you went out, what shoes did you wear? I wore flip flops.

21. DVD player: What do you have more of, VHS tapes or DVDs? DVDs.

22. Insects: When you find an unwanted insect inside of your house do you kill it, take it outside, or leave it alone? It depends. The last insect I had a confrontation with was a huge fucking beetle. I’m talking 1 inch long. I captured him under a cup and threw him into my garage since I didn’t want my dog to escape outside. He ended up dying in there because I found him a few days ago. As for other bugs...I usually smash them. If it’s a wasp/bee/hornet type fucker I have to call my dad to take care of it because I’m too scared to get close enough to do anything with it hah.

23. Razor: What are all the areas of your body that you shave? Arm pits, legs, and pubic hair.

24. Webcam: When you go on webcam, who do you chat with the most? Do you use any specific sites or programs? -.

25. Refrigerator/freezer: Does yours have an automatic ice cube maker? Do you prefer cubed or crushed ice? It does make cubed ice but it tastes like crap so I don’t eat it. I have no idea how to change the filter so I’ve left it. I’ll be moving soon so it doesn’t really matter.

26. Sunscreen: What SPF do you use? I’m that person who doesn’t...I know it’s horrible for my skin but I spent basically 10 years inside so having this one summer to be tanned seems okay. In the past I used spf 8...eek.

27. Sibling: Do you get along with your sibling(s)? If you have more than one, which one are you closest to? I get along best with my sisters. It’s not like my brother and I don’t get along, we just don’t have a bond :/

28. Cereal: What kind of cereal is in your house right now? Is it your favorite? If not, what is? Rice Krispies and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And those are my fave two, although Rice Krispies are my ultimate fave.

29. Pain relievers: What kind of pain reliever do you use when you have a headache? Motrin.

30. Monopoly: When you play Monopoly, what game piece do you choose to use for going around the board? I haven’t played in forever...but I have played as the hat before. As you can tell, I like to live life on the edge.

31. Bookshelf: What books (if any) have you read more than once? I don’t like to reread books. But I have reread the HP series and the Pretties series by Scott Westerfeld. I’ve been making good use of the library recently since like...why should I pay for a book I will finish in 3 days and never touch again. I’ve been finding a lot of previously purchased books around and putting them in my donate pile.

32. Deck of cards: What is your favorite card game? Rummy or poker. 

33. Umbrella: Do you mind walking in the rain without one? I kinda like not having one.

34. Mood ring: What mood(s) are you in right now? How often do you get moody? I’m happy and pretty tired. And I get moody for a few days a month usually.

35. Hoodie: Do you prefer the kind with or without the zipper? Absolutely without.

36. Calendar: What is the picture of on your calendar for this month? It’s some flower.

37. Pajamas: What do you usually wear to sleep in? Are you comfortable falling asleep in jeans? t-shirt and undies. And no, no I am not.

38. Backpack: Are you in school this year? If so, what grade are you in? -.

39. Alarm clock: What time do you have to get up tomorrow morning? I don’t have to get up at any time, but Lila wakes me up around 9ish usually.

40. Jewelry box: What is your most expensive piece of jewelry? If it was a gift, who got it for you? I don’t wear jewelry.

41. Game console: What is your favorite video game to play by yourself? BOTW, Pokemon.

42. Mirror: How many times a day do you tend to look in the mirror? My toilet faces the mirror so whenever I use that, and maybe 4 times in addition.

43. Basement: Is your basement used just for storage, or is it used as another room? I took the basement bedroom, which I love because it’s always so dark and chilly haha.

44. Sports jersey: What professional teams do you and/or your family root for? Ugh, idk about my family members but I don’t like professional sports at all, or the culture surrounding them.

45. Dictionary: What was the last new word that you learned? What does it mean? I have no idea.

#surveys #xanga

[shapesnnsizes]

You Need to Eat Gelatin. Here Are the Reasons Why.

I want you to think of a healthful food, just the first nutritious food that comes to mind. Did you think of gelatin? I’m guessing not. And I bet it wouldn’t even make your top-10 list if I asked you to keep going. Yet gelatin is quite good for you, in its natural form, that is—not artificially colored and sugar-laden like Jell-O.

Gelatin may keep osteoporosis at bay, heal your gut, and help you sleep, among many other valuable health benefits. Keep reading for all the reasons why you should eat gelatin, plus how to incorporate it into your diet in delicious ways.

Whether you follow a Paleo diet or you’re vegan/vegetarian, you need to eat gelatin. Find out why, and learn how to incorporate it into your diet. #paleo #optimalhealth #chriskresser

The What: A Powerful Protein You’re Not Getting Enough Of

Gelatin is the key ingredient in Jell-O (and similar products)—right after sugar and before the artificial flavors—and it’s what makes this brightly colored dessert jiggly yet firm, served up on cafeteria trays in hospitals and schools for generations. It’s easy to see why most of us would overlook gelatin as a dietary must. Here’s what you should really know about this unexpected health food.

It Comes from Collagen—and You Need Collagen

Gelatin is derived from collagen, the most plentiful protein in humans and animals. Once simmered, the decomposition of collagen into gelatin is irreversible; its long protein fibrils, or tiny fibers, are broken down into small amino acid compounds. However, gelatin’s chemical composition is very similar to its parent molecule.

Eating gelatin boosts our collagen levels. Collagen is found almost everywhere in the body, but it is most abundant in the skin, bones, tendons, and ligaments. It holds our tissues together, providing the skeleton with a sturdy yet flexible structure (just as it does wiggly desserts); some types of collagen fibrils are, gram for gram, stronger than steel. (1)

Although the gelatin we consume comes from collagen in animal skin, bones, ligaments, and tendons, it increases human collagen stores, which leads to the impressive health benefits below.

It’s Made Almost Entirely of Protein (98 to 99 Percent)

One half-cup of gelatin provides nearly two grams of protein. As I often discuss here on my site, protein is a macronutrient, which means your body needs a large amount. (Yes, fruity-flavored Jell-O and its imitators have protein as well, but the same serving size may be loaded with sugar—about 19 grams, or nearly five teaspoons!—as well as artificial ingredients that cancel out any protein benefits.)

Gelatin Is Rich in Vital Amino Acids

It doesn’t contain all the essential amino acids, making it an incomplete protein. But the amino acids it does include are particularly important for health, especially glycine. Other notables include: (2)

Proline

Glutamic acid

Lysine

It Was Part of the Typical Ancestral Diet

Our hunter–gatherer ancestors ate much more gelatin than we do today. That’s because they widely practiced nose-to-tail eating, meaning they cooked with and consumed the entire animal, including its skin, tendons, and other gelatinous features. We’ve lost the practice of whole-animal eating, and gelatin-rich cuts are typically discarded, or at least undervalued, now. (Some, such as beef shank or chuck roast, are also considered “tough” and therefore not as appealing as more tender—and more expensive—cuts.) What’s more, vegetarians don’t eat many (or any) animal products.

This means we’re getting a lot less gelatin than our ancestors did, if any at all.

The Why: Six Reasons to Eat Gelatin … Now!

Because we usually don’t use the whole animal, or in some cases avoid meat altogether, we miss out on this unique health food’s many benefits.

1. Gelatin May Lower Your Risk for Cardiovascular and Other Diseases

Eggs and muscle meats—as opposed to organ meats and meaty bones—are high in methionine, an amino acid. In some people, eating too much methionine can lead to a buildup of a toxic compound called homocysteine in the blood. High levels of homocysteine are an independent risk factor for a variety of serious concerns, from dementia and Alzheimer’s to heart disease (and it has also been found to increase the risk of fracture). (3, 4, 5) This might explain why researchers sometimes find a correlation between high meat intake and chronic disease.

What helps keep methionine and homocysteine levels in a healthy balance? Glycine, which gelatin contains lots of. In fact, it accounts for roughly 27 percent of gelatin’s composition, making gelatin the richest food source of this amino acid. Although your body can make glycine, you usually don’t produce enough to cover your needs, meaning you need to obtain ample amounts from your diet. (6, 7)

2. It Protects Your Bones and Joints

Bone is living, growing tissue, comprising mostly collagen. And as I discussed here already, collagen is the glue that holds our tissues together. So, it’s easy to see why getting more collagen in the form of gelatin is good for bone and joint health.

Research shows that gelatin may have a beneficial effect on cartilage metabolism and inhibit the breakdown of collagen in bone. It may be effective in treating both osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. (8, 9, 10) Its amino acids glycine and proline are anti-inflammatory and are likely responsible for research results finding gelatin effective in reducing arthritis-associated joint pain. Lysine, also in gelatin, strengthens bones by helping the body absorb calcium and form collagen. The body can’t make this amino acid, so it must come from diet. Lysine has also been shown, in animal studies, to hasten fracture healing. (11)

3. It Preserves Your Muscle Mass

Glycine is the hero again here: research has found that increasing glycine intake, either through supplementation or high-glycine foods such as gelatin, can help slow or reduce the age-related loss of muscle. (For some people, this weakness can cause them to become less physically active as they age or even to fall due to reduced strength and stability or injure themselves when they exercise.) Supplemental glycine can protect muscle in a variety of wasting conditions brought on by serious illness such as cancer or due to very reduced calorie intake. (12, 13)

4. Gelatin Is Good for Your Gut

Thanks to the amino acids glycine, proline, and glutamine, gelatin can improve gut integrity and digestive strength by enhancing gastric acid secretion and restoring a healthy lining in the stomach. (14, 15) Gelatin also absorbs water and helps keep fluid in the digestive tract, promoting good intestinal transit and healthy bowel movements. (16) Gelatin-rich soups and broths are one of the key components of the GAPS diet, which has been designed to heal the gut and promote healthy digestion.

5. It Makes Your Skin Shine and Your Locks Long and Lustrous

Collagen is one of the primary structural elements of skin. As we age, we naturally lose collagen, causing our skin to sag and wrinkle. Gelatin provides glycine and proline, building blocks for collagen, and can help your body create enough of this important protein to improve your skin’s health and appearance. In particular, several studies have shown improved skin elasticity and hydration, as well as a reduction of deep wrinkles, with collagen hydrolysate supplementation. (17, 18)  A diet rich in gelatin may also protect against the aging effects of sunlight, preventing wrinkles in the future. (19) And gelatin appears to induce hair growth and even lead to thicker, fuller locks. (20, 21)

6. It Can Help You Sleep

Gelatin has been found to help with sleep due to its abundance of glycine. Just a few tablespoons can provide roughly three grams of glycine, which is enough to cause measurable improvements in sleep quality. (22, 23) Glycine is also an inhibitory neurotransmitter, meaning that it can decrease anxiety and promote mental calmness to let you sleep through the night. (24)

And the list of benefits goes on: Research suggests that gelatin may also aid in weight loss, help control blood sugar, improve cognitive and mental health, slow the growth of certain cancers, and much more. (25, 26, 27, 28, 29)

Are You Vegetarian? A Warning

While gelatin isn’t acceptable to vegans, who shun all animal products, it may be to vegetarians who are open to eating some animal-derived foods, such as eggs and dairy. If this describes your dietary approach, here’s why you should go out of your way to eat gelatin.

Vegetarians Often Have Low Glycine Levels

As I’ve written before in an article on the pitfalls of meat-free diets, vegetarians and vegans don’t consume as much glycine as meat eaters, and we’ve seen here just how important this building block of collagen is for health.

Some Paleo followers who eat mainly muscle meats and ignore the nose-to-tail philosophy can also be susceptible to low glycine intake.

You Might Be at Risk for Cardiovascular Problems

Studies have shown that vegetarians and vegans have significantly higher homocysteine levels, on average, than omnivores, putting them at significant risk for cardiovascular trouble. (30) This is possibly due to deficiencies in vitamin B12 and choline, which help keep homocysteine in check.

The Best Ways to Get More Gelatin: Bone Broth and Beyond

One obvious way to incorporate gelatin in your diet is to eat more skin and gelatinous cuts of meat, especially those that are on the bone like shank pieces or ribs. However, I recognize that these aren’t necessarily the most palatable parts of the animal to everyone. There are other options out there.

Make Your Own Bone Broth

In traditional cooking, meat bones serve as a base for delicious stocks and sauces, and bone broth is a first course that enhances digestion of the food to come. Today, I’m glad to see nose-to-tail eating making a bit of a comeback in this regard, as many people are using their ancestors’ “secret” for great recipes and as a powerful health drink.

Since bones are full of collagen, which forms gelatin when simmered, bone broths provide all of the health benefits noted above in spades. Bone is also chock-full of an array of important minerals and nutrients, from calcium and iron to vitamins D, C, and B1 (thiamin).

Best of all, bone broth is easy to make at home. Just follow these tips.

Cook It Low and Slow

To transfer the active chemical ingredients from the bones into the broth, you need heat, time, and acid (typically vinegar, tomato, and/or wine). Don’t rush it: Cook your broth slowly over low heat to extract as much nutrient content as possible. A slow cooker is immensely helpful.

Go with Grass Fed

Grass-fed beef and farm-raised, free-range chicken bones give the best results. You can also use bones from duck, lamb, turkey, or pork, as well as fish. Seek out chicken feet, heads, and necks or calves’ feet (and heads and necks, if you can find them) from a local farm or butcher. When selecting from beef, look for cuts with a lot of bone in them, including some knuckle bones, if possible. Marrow bones are excellent.

The Longer You Cook It, the Better

Simply put the bones, browned or not, based on your preference, into a stock pot or slow cooker. Cover with enough filtered, cold water to cover the bones by an inch. Then add your acid, bring everything to a low boil, then simmer on very low, removing any scum that has risen to the top. After skimming, add vegetables and herbs and spices if you wish and simmer six to 48 hours for chicken and 12 to 72 hours for beef, making sure to check in on it regularly. The longer you can let it cook, the better.

Strain It, Store It, and Sip It

Once finished and cooled, strain your broth using a fine strainer. For a clearer stock, line your colander or sieve with cheesecloth.

Store covered in the refrigerator for about five days or in the freezer for several months. Try the “ice cube” method: Put stock in ice cube trays, freeze until solid, then store in freezer bags and take out one or two at a time for recipes.

Pour warmed broth into a mug and sip like tea, or use as a base for gravies, sauces, and soups—or anytime a recipe calls for cooking liquid.

Buy High-Quality Bone Broth

If you don’t have the time (or desire) to make your own bone broth, there are great packaged options out there. Just remember:

Choose broth that’s organic and made from pasture-raised animals or wild-caught fish. This minimizes toxins and maximizes nutrients.

Avoid buying broth in containers, especially cans, that contain bisphenol A (BPA), which is a toxic, hormone-like molecule.

Many grocery stores don’t sell bone broth; it is not the same as the chicken or beef stock  that’s widely available in the soup aisles of most supermarkets, which doesn’t have the same high level of nutrients as homemade or organic broth. You can, however, find organic, pasture-raised bone broths online. Kettle & Fire is a good option for organic, high-quality bone broth.

Buy Gelatin Powder

If you eat a Paleo or ancestral diet, you can easily incorporate gelatinous cuts of meat and bone broths into your meals. But if you’re vegetarian, it’s difficult to get gelatin from a meat-free diet.

For vegetarians (and even omnivores), I recommend a high-quality gelatin powder to add to food or to create healthy gelatinous desserts.

My favorite brand of powdered gelatin is Great Lakes, which comes from grass-fed animals. It’s available in both hydrolyzed and whole form; each type has its own health perks.

Hydrolyzed means the protein is broken into individual amino acids, making them easier to absorb. Use this type to improve skin and joint health or get better sleep. Hydrolyzed gelatin can be mixed into any type of liquid, including cold liquids, so it can be added to smoothies or juices. It is also great as a real-food protein powder.

Whole-protein gelatin is better for improving gut health. It helps carry fluid through the intestines and can even coat the lining of the digestive tract as a soothing and protective layer. This is the type used to make gummy snacks and desserts and must be mixed into warm liquids.

Fish gelatin is available if you prefer not to consume land animals.

I sometimes supplement with Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides myself, which is another option. It’s similar to collagen hydrolysate, the gelatin supplement often used in scientific studies. I’ll typically add it to a smoothie three to four times a week.

An important note: Some people report a histamine reaction after consuming gelatin or gelatin powders and supplements, so gelatin may not be appropriate for those with severe histamine intolerances.

Do you make it a point to eat gelatin? Do you have plans to supplement your intake, either through powder or diet? Leave a comment below and let me know!

The post You Need to Eat Gelatin. Here Are the Reasons Why. appeared first on Chris Kresser.

[adambstingus]

55 People Reveal The Strangest Thing About Their Body

Found on AskReddit.

1. I cry when I pee or take a shit.

I cry when I pee or take a shit. It’s not just tearing up, it’s literally tears streaming down my face. I have no pain, nor is it because I feel relieved. Nobody that I know experiences the same thing. (Sorry if I made any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.)

2. My nuts are comically tiny.

Im Asian yet have a bodybuilder’s physique, including legs. I’m 5’8″ but my penis is huge (9.5 inches and thick) but my nuts are regular size. So my penis looks normal sized compared to my legs/body and my nuts look comically tiny.

3. I have three nipples.

I have a third nipple.

4. I have four nipples.

Two extra nipples.

5. I was born without eyebrows.

When I was born, I didn’t have any eyebrows. Dislike, they were fair, or light, I had none. They didn’t begin developing in until I was 6 years of age. After ten years, they are sketchy, at various statures, and look in no way like each other. No idea why.

6. I have a birthmark on the tip of my penis shaped like the continent of Africa.

I got a birthmark on the tip of my penis that’s weirdly shaped like the continent of Africa. Ladies find it cute, which is why I’ll never get circumcised.

7. I have a micropenis.

I have a micropenis. I’ve pretty much given up on dating. The only way I could ever be in a relationship is if a woman doesn’t care that much about sex.

8. I look like I’m going to murder someone when I comb my hair.

If I touch the right side of my scalp, my lower eyelid twitches. I look like I’m going to murder someone when I comb my hair.

9. I am shaped like a shovel.

I am shaped like a shovel. Seriously. Like, you know pear figures? Yeah, I don’t have that. I am straight and then, BOOM! My hips billow out like the giant disappointments they are.

10. I do not recognize or remember faces.

Brains are part of the body, right? I have Prosopagnosia (face blindness), which means that I do not recognize or remember faces. I can look at someone, turn around, turn back, and I won’t recognize their face. I don’t recognize my coworkers, friends, or family by face. I have a lot of funny stories related to this

11. If I touch my clit on the toilet, I automatically pee.

If I touch my clit on the toilet, I automatically pee. Like a pee button. It’s kinda useful for public restrooms where I want to be in and out really fast.

12. I have tits and a dick.

Tits and a dick. Most people seem to find that rather weird.

13. It’s like a whole community of hair just said fuck it and moved to my body’s equivalent of Florida.

On the left side of my head, above my ear, I’ve developed a random bald spot slightly larger than the diameter of a quarter. Coincidentally, right below my right shoulder, I have a thick patch of back hair about the same size (my back is otherwise hairless). It’s like a whole community of hair just said fuck it and moved to my body’s equivalent of Florida.

14. Certain sexual thoughts will cause me to sneeze involuntarily.

When I have certain sexual thoughts, I get an involuntary sneeze reaction. It’s not all sexual thoughts, just the ones I find inappropriate. Like, I when I first started fooling around with my girlfriend (now my wife) at her mom’s house where we could get caught by her slightly younger sister, it happened a lot. But fooling around in general wouldn’t cause the sneeze unless I was about to suggest something a little naughtier than normal. My wife knows now, so when we’re in bed and I sneeze her first reaction is to ask if it’s an innocent sneeze or something else. It’s only gotten me in trouble once or twice, like when her girlfriend casually mentioned threesomes and I sneezed immediately, which kind of pissed off my wife because she knew it wasn’t an innocent one. Her friends and sister, thankfully, don’t know about my sneeze reaction.

15. My mom says the mole on the side of my head looks like a penis.

I have a perfectly smooth, mushroom-shaped, skin0colored mole on the side of my head and I’ve had it since birth. My mom says it looks like a penis, you know, nice stuff that moms say.

16. I have two pee-holes, and pee comes out of both.

I have two pee-holesthey’re right next to each other and pee comes out of both.

17. Im a guy and I have a huge butt and huge thighs.

My thighs are really disproportionate compared to the rest of my body and my butt is bigger. I am a guy and this really doesn’t look good.

18. My penis curves upward and toward the left.

My penis curves upwards but is also turned about 15 to the left. It’s weird. I can pee around corners.

19. I get pus-filled cysts over much of my body.

I have a condition called hidradenitis supprativa. I get pus-filled cysts in my armpits, under my breasts, on my stomach, and along my inner thighs. It is pretty rare, and can be debilitating (I have a mild form, so if you Google it, be warned you’re gonna see some nasty shit). Had it since high school, and it sometimes will go into remission. It is now thought to be an auto-immune disorder of the apocrine system, but not much is known about it. I try to watch what I wear, because certain clothes will rub my skin and cause a cyst to form. If I get a cyst, I usually pop it myself and clean it up. Sometimes it can open a small sinus in my skin, which is gross. I have a lot of scars from it, and some cysts that I’ve popped and drained will sometimes refill. I’ve run across something that says menopause can make it go into remission, so I have that to look forward to. The human body is weird.

20. I have an amazing retractive penis.

Retractive penis. 1in or less flaccid, big 7.5in hog erect. Kinda convenient actually, takes up less space, less likely to get hit, not swingin around wildly, but this tactical advantage is cancelled out by my huge grandpa balls.

21. I can roll my stomach like an Indian belly dancer but I’m a white male.

I can roll my stomach like an Indian belly dancer but I’m a white male. I have no idea when or how I discovered i could do it but I was very young since I remember doing it for show and tell in kindergarten. Edit: Also, my second toe is longer than my first on both feet by a full segment. It makes it difficult to get comfortable shoes sometimes because they’re designed for the big toe to be the longest.

22. I get earth-shattering orgasms when jizz is inside me.

Im a woman and the thing that gives me the best earth-shattering orgasms is when my partner cums inside of me. Not the act of cumming (though I enjoy that too) but the actual jizz makes me orgasm for up to an hour after sex. Never found out of any other women experience this, none of my girlfriends do.

23. I can snap my toe like Im snapping a finger.

I can snap my toe. Like, finger-snapping…with a toe.

24. I can lick my elbow.

I can lick my elbow. This is supposedly physically impossible, and yet…here I am

25. I have a sexually sensitive spot between my clit and G-spot.

Most women have lots of sensitivity in the clit and G-spot. I have a third spot sort of between the two, located right at the top inside of my vaginal opening. Stimulation of that particular spot gives me the BEST orgasms, and when I’m turned on it even feels a little stiffer than the surrounding areas when I touch it with my fingertip.

26. My hands turn blue when it’s cold.

My hands turn blue when it’s cold. When it’s cold they also have orange dots.

27. My penis moves around on its own.

My penis moves around on its own. I get out the shower, towel off and sometimes I sit around butt ass naked and play I’ll look at my dick and it’ll going from one side to the other or going in and out like a turtle. I heard that has something to do with it trying to get cool, but once it finds a cool spot, shouldn’t it stop moving?

28. I have a T-shaped tooth.

I have a T-shaped tooth.

29. I have these chicken-stick calves.

Well, I’m 6’6″, and have a great shoulder to hip ratio, but I have these chicken-stick calves. They refuse to grow. So I like wearing pants to try and cover them up, because it looks really weird if I’m wearing shorts. Also, I sweat really quickly in my underarms, but nowhere else on my body. It could be like jacket and scarf weather, and after like 5 minutes outside I start pitting. It’s so annoying.

30. Im male but my body is shaped like a girls.

Im male but my body is kinda shaped like a girls, in terms of ass, hips, thighs and waist. Someone reposted a picture of my ass/body to gonewild, tagged falsely as a girl, and it got like 50,000 views and universal positive comments, no one knew.

My life sucks.

Here, copying the damn ass pic up a level. NSFW.

31. My face is allergic to sunlight.

Im allergic to sunlight. But it’s local only to my face. I mean, it’s nice that it doesn’t cover all of my body and all, but it’s literally the worst place that I could think of. When I have a reaction I can’t speak for around 1 week, and after that it takes another week until I am at the point where I can utter more than simple words when necessary, as it is very uncomfortable to talk, still can’t say “m”, “p” or “b” though, that takes another week. One time I ended up being unable to eat for around 5 days (more than 120 hours), lost 5kg in that period.

32. I have hair on the penis up until close to the tip.

I have hair on the penis up until close to the tip, and i have to pluck it out every week.

33. My belly is like an unpredictable balloon.

My belly. It’s like an unpredictable balloon.

It will be perfectly flat one day and the next day I’ll look like a 9-month-pregnant man. Doctors are baffled and said its weird but assured me it’s nothing to be concerned about.

It really happens if I drink beer, the next morning my belly is huge and no amount of shitting/farting will make it go away, it just gradually goes away throughout the day or sometimes it’ll stay like that for a few days.

34. I always sneeze twice. No more, no less.

I always sneeze twice. No more, no less. Two shall be the number thou shalt sneeze, and the number of the counting shall be two. Four shalt thou not sneeze, neither sneeze thou once, excepting that thou then proceed to twice. Five is right out. Once the number two, being the second number, be reached, then wipest thy nose on thy friend’s interior, who being naughty in my sight, does not say, bless you.

35. Im allergic to caffeine.

This is more internal, but I’m allergic to caffeine, meaning, give me a large cup of caffeinated coffee and I’ll end up blacking out and doing something/insulting someone and I don’t remember it. It started out with just shaking and irritation, but turned into a full fledged symptom of being wasted.

36. I can roll my eyes into the back of my head.

I can roll my eyes into the back of my head. Decided it would be funny to do this during sex, and to say boyfriend’s name in a creepy voice. He didn’t think it was very funny.

37. I’ve had my ascending, descending and thoracic aortic section replaced with synthetic material. That shit’ll be sitting there in my coffin long after I’m dust.

Probably my aorta. I have Marfan’s syndrome, a genetic disorder that affects the connective tissue. Morphologically speaking people like me tend to be very tall, very thin, pigeon-chested, long-fingered and -toed. Because it affects the muscles we tend to have poor eyesight and we’re not real good at bulking up. We’re usually creepily flexible and our spines are scoliosis city.

The most dangerous symptom, however, is a weakening in the aortic wall which can result in aneurysm (an enlarged bubble sort of) or dissection (a catastrophic tear that’s %40 fatal).

I had an aortic dissection 3 years ago. Since then I’ve had my ascending, descending and thoracic aortic section replaced with synthetic material. That shit’ll be sitting there in my coffin long after I’m dust. That’s pretty weird, I guess.

38. I have a freakishly long wing span.

You know how your wing span is supposed to roughly match your height? Well I’m 6’3″ and my arms are 6’9″. Lots of rolled up sleeves in my world.

39. I am lopsided toward the left.

My entire left side sits about ¼ an inch lower than my right side. My ear is lower, my shoulder, my hip is lower, but you wouldn’t notice unless you looked at how I wear my clothing and that everything on my left side is almost always crooked.

40. I have almost no hair except for the five-inch nipple hair.

I am almost bald, have no armpit hair and very little genital hair. But boy, I do have one 12cm long nipple hair.

41. I always had dry crusty earwax the consistency and texture of cornflakes.

So when I was a kid I always had dry crusty earwax the consistency and texture of cornflakes. It would build up in my ear canal un til one day it would break off in one huge piece. My doctor said it probably wasn’t a big deal and not to worry about it, and every time I birthed an ear baby my friends would gather around and marvel. No biggie.

Fast-forward to puberty and no one has told me I need to wear deodorant. In fact I never smell. Well my feet do, but I can’t figure out if people are being nice cause I can literally NEVER smell BO on me. I now wear deodorant but mostly because it smells nice and I do sweat a lot. But all my sweat smells kinda pleasant actually.

So two years ago I’m YouTube surfing and find a video about Japanese cultural differences and one thing they mention is how hard it is to find deodorant. Apparently there are two different sweat glands, one that creates a feeding frenzy for bacteria and one that doesn’t. The Japanese just don’t have any of the former genetically. I’m sitting wondering if I have that gene as well when the woman says there is a very easy way to check if you have this gene: crusty earwax.

Mic drop.

42. My left collarbone is about an inch higher than my right one.

My left collarbone is about an inch higher than my right one. It’s not super noticeable unless you’re looking for it, but it’s enough to make me a little lopsided and prone to shoulder pain. Also, I can burp on command.

43. I have an exceptionally stretchy Weenus.

I have an exceptionally stretchy Weenus.

44. Im a girl and I have a little patch of blonde hair on my throat.

Ever since I was really little I’ve grown a little patch of blonde hair on my throat. I’m a girl so it would be where a guy has his Adams Apple. My mom has taken me to the doctor a couple times to ask what it is and the doctors insist it’s just a form of a birth mark. I shave it now because if I don’t you can see the blonde patch of hair. Weird thing is my hair is naturally dark, and even when I shave it it still grows back blonde. And it can get kind of long too, and one time in elementary I was on the school bus and the sunlight had just hit it right and the girl next to me made fun of me and told everyone nobody knows about it now except for all of my new weird reddit friends! (And the mean girl from 4th grade)

45. I have three testicles.

I have 3 testicles. At least I hope the 3rd one is a testicle…! It feels the same as the others.

46. I have a long unicorn hair that grows out of the center of my forehead.

Occasionally I have a single, long, wispy hair that grows out of the center of my forehead. It seems to appear overnight, and can be like an inch long. We call it the unicorn hair. It’s almost invisible, but once my wife saw it, she looks for it all the time.

47. The world will sometimes seem much louder to me for about five minutes, like every noise is pissed off at me.

Ive had this thing, ever since I was a kid, where randomly the entire world would seem and more intense. Usually for about five minutes.

It used to happen monthly when I was a child, but it only happens once or twice a year now. So far I’ve never met anyone else who knew what I was talking about.

It’s like sound and movement becomes . Like every noise is pissed off at me. It’s kinda scary but also damn fascinating.

I assume it means I have psychic powers or my brain is a nest of tumors. Maybe both.

48. Im really stretchy.

I have hypermobile joints, which basically just means that I’m really stretchy. It affects my hands and arms more than anything else. Because of it, my neurologist thinks I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a rare connective tissue disorder.

49. My tongue is probably like six inches long if I pull it out all the way.

I am the opposite of tongue-tied. I have no little connector-thingie so my tongue is fucked. It’s probably like 6 inches long if I pull it out all the way. I’m like Gene fucking Simmons over here and have learned how to do some weird shit with it. When I was younger the big joke was that i’d end up being a lesbian and I haaaaaated it. But I did. Look who’s laughin’ now.

50. My mom did drugs and alcohol while pregnant with me, leaving me with several birth defects.

When I was developing my mom did an unknown cocktail of drugs and alcohol. My ears attempted to form twice then the canals merged together. As a result, I can hear sounds outside normal range on the high and low end but have a very hard time with hearing human speech. I have to be in the room lip reading to really fully grasp it. The little nub in your ear (where you would get a tragus piercing) I actually have two nubs one above the other where the outside of my ear started to form a second time but didn’t.

All my ligaments are either too long or too flexible causing my joints to just slip out sometimes. As a result I’ve sprained one ankle 5 times in one month, dislocated both hips (bucked off a horse), my knee (stepped in a hole while walking), my thumb (grabbing something), and my personal favorite dislocated my shoulder buckling my seat belt. Thankfully I’m pretty good at popping them back in without assistance.

Also due to drugs my gut fauna is a bit fucked. I cannot eat spicy foods, not just like Mexican spices but even like too much onion powder gets me. I end up throwing up immediately after eating it. I have to manage on a fairly bland diet as a result.

Moral of this story, don’t do drugs or drink when pregnant. You can fuck yourself up all you want but when it involves a developing life seriously just don’t do it.

51. God was drunk AF when he made me.

I have one ball, one kidney, and an ecto-spleen (basically two spleens). God was drunk AF.

52. Im immune to mosquito bites and poison ivy.

Im immune to mosquito bites and poison ivy. My friends hate me.

53. My belly button looks like a cinnamon roll.

My belly button looks like a cinnamon roll.

54. I can ensure an entire Q-tip into my left nostril, straight to the back.

My nostril is funny. I can Insert a Q-tip into my left nostril. It just goes straight in, straight to the back. Completely, without being visible. It doesn’t hurt. And my nose works fine otherwise. And no, I never did coke or the like.

55. My body is fucking weird.

Im a 5’7″ woman, wear a size 6/8 in top and bottom (my wedding dress was a size 8 and they’re usually sure sized), and am technically morbidly obese by body fat standards (~40%) . I am the definition of skinny fat. Turns out I have a rare genetic condition that decreases the amount of free testosterone I have to virtually 0, meaning I have a really hard time building and retaining muscle mass. I started taking hormone therapy a few months ago after searching for a doctor that would give a woman testosterone (but not for gender identity reasons). I actually lift regularly and even with such low muscle mass, I can bodyweight squat (~180 lbs) and am pretty close to the 500 club. My body is fucking weird.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/55-people-reveal-the-strangest-thing-about-their-body/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177250748242

[patrickamadeu]

Castor Oil Packs – How to Make & Use Them

I was first introduced to castor oil as my due date approached with my first child. Like any mom, I was eager to meet my little one so I turned to the expansive wisdom that is Google to find ways to speed up my body’s natural process of going into labor. I found many folk remedies for inducing labor that I tried (walking, spicy food, bouncing on a medicine ball, pineapple, dancing, raspberry leaf tea, and others). I also found a few I didn’t work up the courage to try … especially castor oil! (And I’m glad I didn’t … I’ll tell you why.) What Is Castor Oil? Castor oil (ricinus communis) comes from the castor seed, native to India. It is extremely high in ricinoleic acid, which is thought to be responsible for its health-promoting abilities. In fact, it was once called palma christe because its leaves resembled the hands of Christ. It is important to note that while castor oil is said to have health benefits, the castor seed itself can be deadly. Internal use of castor oil can be safe, but warrants caution. Used in ancient Japanese healing arts and other ancient cultures, castor oil enjoys a long and distinguished history. One of the oldest medical textbooks in existence, the Ebers Papyrus, mentions that the early Egyptians applied castor oil topically as early as 1550 B.C. While it is considered “Generally Regarded As Safe” by the FDA and up to a tablespoon per day is considered approved for internal use, it can cause extreme digestive upset in some people. I am not a doctor and don’t play one on the internet, so talk to yours before using castor oil or anything else internally. Does Castor Oil Really Start Labor? Castor oil is sometimes used internally for inducing labor, but the available research doubts its helpfulness. In fact taken internally it can cause raging diarrhea (the idea is this will also stimulate uterine contractions). I chose not to try this and wouldn’t suggest it since there is some evidence that it can increase the chance of baby passing meconium before birth. It is also sometimes used to reduce constipation (again with the raging diarrhea). I much prefer it for external use and would not personally use it internally. It is one of the two oils I use in my daily oil cleansing routine, which has greatly improved my skin. Castor Oil Packs (& Why to Do One) To support my body when I discovered my MTHFR mutation, I decided to try another way to use castor oil — castor oil packs! What It Is The idea is to keep castor oil on a piece of cloth on the skin for at least an hour with a heat source to stimulate lymph and liver function. Unlike some “detox” methods, this is not said to have any negative side effects and the there are many accounts of people who noticed immediate better sleep, more energy, and clearing of skin symptoms. NOTE: Even for external use, I’d consult with a doctor or naturopath to make sure that this natural remedy is OK for you. It should not be used if pregnant or struggling with a medical condition. I also test any new oil (or any substance) on a small part of my arm before using on a larger area of the body. The beauty of a castor oil pack is you can place it where benefits are needed: Using on the right side of the abdomen or the whole abdomen is thought to help support the liver and digestive system. Place directly on strained joints or muscles to reduce inflammation. (Note: This is not as a substitute for medical care but to speed healing of minor injuries that don’t need medical attention) Or try on the lower abdomen to help with menstrual pain and difficulties. What It Does Castor oil packs harness the anti-inflammatory and lymph stimulating benefits of castor oil but allow safer external use. From a 1999 study: With a minimal 2-hour therapy period, this study found that castor oil packs produced a “significant” temporary increase in the number of T-11 cells that increased over a 7 hour period following treatment and then returned to normal levels within 24 hours later. The T-11 cell increase represents a general boost in the body’s specific defense status. Lymphocytes actively defend the health of the body by forming antibodies against pathogens and their toxins. T-cell lymphocytes originate from bone marrow and the thymus gland as small lymphocytes that identify and kill viruses, fungi, bacteria, and cancer cells. T-11 cell lymphocytes supply a fundamental antibody capability to keep the specific defense system strong. In short, castor oil packs have been said to help detoxify the liver naturally, support uterine and ovarian health, improve lymphatic circulation, and reduce inflammation. There aren’t any conclusive studies on the use of castor oil packs externally (though there are some preliminary ones), but a long history of traditional use in many cultures. There is some evidence that it can have a suppressive effect on tumors and a positive effect on arthritis when used externally. Castor oil packs also provide time of quiet relaxation, which also has health benefits, so I thought they were worth a try! Anything for that! How to Do a Castor Oil Pack Castor oil packs are simple to do at home and I like them because they require me to be still and relax and read a book for at least an hour (not always easy to accomplish). They can be messy, but with proper preparation are not. You’ll Need high-quality castor oil (hexane free) unbleached and dye free wool or cotton flannel (like this) – can be reused up to 30 times a wrap-around pack (or large piece of cotton flannel) or plastic wrap (not optimal) hot water bottle or heating pad glass container with lid – I use a quart-size mason jar for storing the oil soaked flannel between uses old clothes, towels and sheets – castor oil does stain! patience (most difficult to find!) The easiest and least messy option I’ve found is the castor oil pack kit from here. It has the castor oil, cotton flannel, and a non-messy wrap-around pack that removes the need for plastic wrap and has kept mine from leaking at all. NOTE: I highly recommend carefully prepping the area where you’ll be doing the castor oil pack to prevent mess. Try using an old shower curtain, covered with a sheet under under you to make sure nothing stains. I don’t often have to wash the sheet, and I just fold and store in the bathroom cabinet for the next use. How to Use a Castor Oil Pack Cut a large piece of cotton flannel and fold into thirds to make three layers. My original piece was 20 inches by 10 inches and when folded it was roughly 7 inches by 10 inches. Yours could be larger or smaller, depending on where you are planning to place it. Thoroughly soak (but not completely saturate) the flannel in castor oil. The easiest way I found to do this was to carefully fold the flannel and place in a quart-size mason jar. I then added castor oil about a tablespoon at a time (every 20 minutes or so) to give it time to saturate. I also gently shook the jar between adding more oil so that the oil could reach all parts of the cloth. Ideally, this should be done the day before to give it time to evenly soak. I save the jar since this is where I keep the flannel between uses (it can be used about 30 times). Carefully remove and unfold the castor oil soaked cloth. While lying on an old towel or sheet, place the cloth on the desired body part. Cover with the wrap-around pack or cotton flannel, and place the heating pack on top of this. Less optimally, a plastic grocery bag can be used prevent any oil from getting on the heating pad. A hot water bottle, electric heating pad, or rice heating pad can be used, but hot water bottles and rice packs may need to be reheated several times. Lie on back with feet elevated (I typically lie on the floor and rest my feet on the couch) and relax for 30-60 minutes. Use this time to practice deep breathing, read a book, meditate, or pray (or whatever you find relaxing). After the desired time, remove the pack and return the flannel to the glass container. Store in fridge. Use a natural soap or a mix of baking soda and water to remove any castor oil left on the skin. Relax and rest. Make sure to drink enough water and stay hydrated after doing this to support detox. Other Ways to Use Castor Oil Castor oil is handy to have around the house for other uses as well. Use castor oil externally to: Apply to dry skin, rashes, boils, age spots, warts, and any undesirable skin defects Treat toenail fungus Soothe a sprain, injury, or sore joints Apply to areas of back pain To cleanse and soothe abdomen when having digestive or reproductive trouble For best results, when trouble begins, apply a series of castor oil packs for 60-90 minutes about 3 times a week for a 3 week period. Consult with a doctor to rule out more serious causes.   Enjoy this blog and join our 12 week transformation program here: www.PatrickAmadeu.com/evolution Read the full article