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experimentfae · 3 months

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Alastor x Wife! Reader

Oneshot / fluff

After you and alastor had moved into the hotel to “help.” Let’s just say that the rest of the hotel residents saw pda all. The. Time.

Vaggie watched as alastor kissed your hand again! “Sweet satan can those two get a room already that’s literally the seventh time he kissed her hand.” She grumbled out “aw come on vaggie you have to admit it’s sweet seeing love like that’s down here, it’s rare, except our love of course.” Stated Charlie.

“I get it, we get like that, but the difference is that we do it SOMETIMES they do it EVERY TIME they have the chance.” She Argued “and besides I just really don’t like that radio dipshit.” “Oh please you don’t like anyone attached to a dick.” Angel dust butted in while he laid on the other couch busy looking at his phone.

Vaggie could only roll her eyes in response “well I think our pda is not of your concern.” Spoke alastor with a smug look which made everyone except you jump a little “satan’s asshole do you always have to come out like that?!” Argued angeldust “it’s more entertaining to watch all of you jump in a little scare.” Alastor replied proud of himself to make them a little scared.

“Dear even if it was quite hilarious we can’t do that to them all the time… it wouldn’t be entertaining anymore like that.” You advised him while you walked towards him to be next to him. “You’re right my dear, wouldn’t wish that.”

“Yep a match made in hell.” Grumbled out husk then he continued to take his beer “husk is right my dear we the perfect pair.” “I don’t think that’s what he meant sorta, but we are perfect for each other.” Just then you looked to see the clock then you let out a gasp “oh Al we don’t want to be late for our dinner reservations.” You stated, “oh yes, we must get ready.”

With a simple snap of his finger’s you and alastor were completely dressed “what’s up with the getup?” Angeldust questioned “it’s our anniversary, so we going to the cannibal colony to alastor’s favorite restaurant.” You smiled “wait you’re a cannibal too.” Vaggie asked in shock “well… I did try demon meat and it’s not that bad.” You answers shrugging your shoulders “so that’s a yes? Or … no?” Charlie questioned further “mmm yeah I believe so.” You answered again.

“Huh didn’t take you for a cannibal.” Spoke husk “yeah have you ate another’s man pecker and Al if she did would you be ok with that?” Questioned angeldust “absolutely not.” You both answered “enough with the questions we must hurry (y/n).” Demanded alastor “goodb- you didn’t get to finish you’re farewell due to alastor, once again he snapped his fingers and you were at the restaurant.

“Thankfully my love we made it on time.” Alastor spoke while he grabbed your hand and guided you inside the restaurant. A host was at the front seeming to writing something “welcome to the FedOnPals how may- when he looked up he immediately panicked “T-The alastor by hen smiled wider “yes me the radio demon and my lovely wife!” Alastor stated proudly also just because you knew he was an attention whore so he wanted others to know he was there.

Of course some of the cannibals in the restaurant seemed nervous. “Well- yes um of course I see you’re name on the list so… let me b-bring to your table.” The man said clearly wanting to get out of this situation as fast as possible.

Of course you two got the best seats in the house “a waiter will be with you shortly very… shortly p-promise.” The host immediately left with only made alastor chuckle “I do love the perks of being an overlord.” “Aw even more than me?” You teased with a smirk, he smiled wider “no dear you know I can’t love anything more than you.”

You smiled “I love the outfits you picked for us by the way very classy.” “Of course, only the best for my wife.” Just then a waiter came in “hello I’m Mindy and I’ll have your orders.” The demoness spoke as she gave you two the menus.

As the demoness left you two picked out your orders, ate, alastor paid then you two left to go to a jazz club to dance “oh honey you rembered my favorite spot.” You spoke with pure joy “I could never forget, besides our love for jazz is how we meet.” You smiled brighten as you pecked his cheek making him lightly blush “adorable.” “Me? adorable!? dear don’t joke like that.” Alastor demanded making you laugh “oh honey alright just having a little fun.”

Alastor opened the door for you, the song ‘lets misbehave’ by Irving Aaronson filled you’re ears “oh that’s a good song.” You stated, you thanked alastor and went through and he went after you.

You immediately dragged him to the dance floor which he happily let you, both you begin doing the Charleston funny enough this song always reminded you have alastor.

He then brought you into the foxtrot dance, you both looked into each others eyes that are filled with love. He the suddenly gave you a kiss making you blush but immediately kiss back.

You two continued dance, happy to in each others arms and having a loving relationship and knowing that you two where always will be inseparable.

<- Back to MasterList or back to Hazbin Hotel

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #alastor x wife reader #reader insert #hazbin hotel fandom #hazbin hotel fanfiction

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courtingchaos · 5 months

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I’ve been thinking about eddie who’s in the early pre relationship stages with you. but in his mind he’s married to you he’s been pining after you for so long. he doesn’t want to scare you though so he’s pumping the breaks and trying to take things slow.

you’re spending the night at his and he’s managed to keep enough distance from you that he deems respectful in his courtship of you. but when he wakes it’s to your hand high on his thigh, and you’re out for the count. and he’s hard as a rock and needs to move you before you wake up and see what state he’s in.

not wanting to wake you and alert you to his issue he thinks on his feet and decides he has to become soft asap, then he can move you. then if you wake up it’s not going to be to him feeling like a complete pervert.

so he’s reciting his favourite passages from all of the books he’s read.

only it’s not doing much. the pretty girl in his bed is winning this round.

he starts reciting them backwards to increase the difficulty and hopefully distract the ache away. but in his ingenuity to up the anti he’s inadvertently made it so tough that he’s now whisper shouting the words out loud. waking you. eddie still hard as a rock reciting poetry in a wicked order that makes no sense to man nor beast, is stopped abruptly in his tracks, gasping at the feel of your palm squeezing the meat of his inner thigh. Mortified and yet. Still painfully erect with no hope of going down anytime soon

sorry to vomit this at you but it seemed like fate that you’d asked for a request (this is far too long and detailed I’m sorry) and I was thinking about this at the same time

1. Don’t apologize, you’ve struck gold. You have not dug too greedily nor too deep.

2. You’ve written this really well so I could just post this with a bunch of reactions under it but, if you’ll allow me to expand upon this.

Picture this with me okay? He’s reciting Jabberwocky to himself. It’s a nonsense poem. He had an English teacher once give out a project for them to learn and recite a poem and of course he chose this. It has fun words in it like vorpal and borogoves. It’s become one of his bits actually when he’s trying to command a room.

“Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:”

Everyone will sigh. Jeff and Gareth and Frank will drop their heads onto their desks or over the backs of their chairs in long groans. Dustin still thinks it’s fun, he hasn’t gotten tired of it yet, and Mike likes it he just won’t admit it. Eddie loves it though, likes the way slithy toves slides off his tongue when he puts on that creaking voice he uses for warlocks durning games.

Now though he mumbles it to himself in the dark, his ludicrous attempt at bringing down his mood. Something had woken him at the witching hour, 3:07 shining a bright green from across his room. He wasn’t cold, his window shut against the chill earlier when you’d come over. He wasn’t overheated, quite content with you softly cuddled up next to him. No itch or ill folded sheet causing him discomfort. He had seven solid minutes of waking, a few he spared to revel in the heat of you lying next to him. To feel your shoulder lying on his as you pressed your face into his pillow. Your knee bent up and almost over his own and your hand planted firmly on his thigh.

Oh. That.

Those fingers he liked to twirl around his own and lick salt off of when you were done with your fries? Those fingers were under the hem of his boxers and a very much pressing into the meat of his thigh. You don’t move except to breathe but all he can focus on is that hand literal inches from his dick. The dick he’d kept in check for weeks now in the hopes he wouldn’t chase you away with the absolute need he felt. Kind of like right now where it lays heavy and hot against his thigh just like your hand.

So Jabberwocky it is.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

But in the dark with a hard on, slithy toves makes him chuckle. Almost full on giggle and he slaps a hand over his mouth to keep himself quiet. Slithy toves sounds like a euphemism for pussy and he can’t help the huffs of laughter pushed through his nose. He looks down in the hopes that this has distracted his dick but apparently laughter makes him harder and he files that away to look into at a later date. Borogoves floats through his brain and he immediately thinks about giving your boobs a new nickname and he has to put a foot down for himself.

Next verse.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!”

Bandersnatch has to be a euphemism, there’s no goddamn way, it has the word snatch in it. He rolls his eyes and before he can sigh you shift beside him in your sleep, closer with your nose in his curls on his pillow and that soft hand he’s thought about when his own is too boring in the shower scoots another inch closer to the problem.

Maybe if he whispers it out loud?

“He took his vorpal sword in hand;-”

Absolutely not. Nope. New plan when he feels your sleeping breath across the front of his throat. It ghosts over his adams apple and all he can think about is your lips on his neck last week and how he’d pulled at his hair after you’d left just because it drove him insane.

Maybe if he recited it backwards it would confuse him enough all the blood would need to race back up into his brain.

“Outgrabe…raths…the-no…mome the and…” He’s squinting hard in the dark, reading invisible words on the ceiling in this new attempt to circumvent disaster.

“Borogoves…ha. Damn it. Borogoves…the were…mimsy all.” A headache is all this is giving him but for a moment he’s forgotten your hand and where it was. He’s searching the next line in his head and trying to jumble it so it isn’t so halting in the early morning quiet.

“Wabe the in gimble and gyer did!” He almost claps his hands when he makes it through without pause but he stops himself for fear of waking you up. Instead he spends 20 minutes working his way backwards through his poem, whispering to the night about the Jabberwock.

O frabjous day indeed when he realizes his dick is half soft now, not such a nuisance and a terror after he’s distracted himself. He thinks about waking you gently, a hand brushing your hair away from your face or running lightly over your leg but then you move. You move of your own accord and hook your leg over his. Kneecap bumping your hand higher and if he breathed wrong right this second you’d be brushing fingertips over his balls.

“And, as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,”

He mutters without whisper. It’s not full volume speaking but he really doesn’t want you to wake up and find him hard and awake with your hand shoved up his shorts. As much as he would really love to feel your hands on him like that he’s been trying his best to be gentlemanly. Only necking on your timetable when you steal him away to a quiet corner. A little over the pants stuff, heavy petting but you’ve never pushed it and it won’t make you uncomfortable, no matter what his dick wants him to do.

“Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!”

Eddie sighs. “Jesus Christ.”

“Hm?” You hum at him. A high note in the back of your throat that has him whipping his head to see you stirring. Adjusting to your side and dra-a-agging that hand. He doesn’t know what to do as you come around and blink up at him in the dark. He can see the edges of your expression from the light filtering in from outside, smooth brow and faint smile until it isn’t.

“Di’ yousay sumthin’?” Slurred against his shoulder where your mouth is pressed.

“Uh, kind of.”

“You okay?” You press up against him, your pelvis into his hip and he’s about to be caught. There’s no way you aren’t going to notice the outline in his boxers or the way he’s gotta be sweating gallons just in nerves.

“I…yeah?”

“What’s the ma-” You shift to prop yourself up so you can sleepily inspect him and he wants to subsequently die and sigh happily when your hand meets trouble. “Oh.”

Oh. Oh? Oh yeah, no big deal, it’s just his dick showing up to ruin the party like the world’s worst frat guy. “Look, I was trying to make it go away and I-“

“Why?” Having just woken up your voice is soft in a deep way. Scratchy from dry air but it fits the mussed hair and the rucked up t-shirt you have on. His gaze falls on the sliver of stomach that you’re showing off between the covers and he’s having a hard time coming up with an answer.

“Why?”

“Is there an echo in here?” You laugh and slide your palm over his stomach that tenses. “Yeah, why.” Your pinky catches the hem of his thin shirt and pulls it up to reveal his own section of underbelly. “We’re alone right?”

“Y-yeah.” It comes out like a hiss though because your nails scratch across that newly revealed skin and right over the trail of hairs below his belly button. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“I know.”

“I just don’t uh, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Your fingers move back and forth over his stomach before you let them dip back down to the waistband of his boxers, fingertip seeking under the elastic ever so slightly. “You’ve been very patient Eddie.” The rings on your hand are body warm but hold a child to them when they glide over skin. “I think we just had a little misunderstanding at first though.” Fingers comb through wiry hairs on their search for their prize. “I’ve been trying to do this since you asked me out, but I thought you wanted to wait.”

“Oh my god, no. I mean yes, because I thought that’s what you wanted but I read into things too much sometimes bec-ause fuck.” He was running his mouth but then you’d grabbed him. Wrapped that dreamy hand around his cock and sighed into his cheek like you were the one experiencing earth shattering euphoria.

“Eddie I’ve wanted to do this for months.” A slow tug to the tip and you do something with your fingers that makes his mouth hang open in a silent plea. Another twist before you run your thumb over his slit and he grabs your wrist.

“This is gonna be over so quick if you keep that up.”

“Well that’s not so bad, I was still a little tired.” Highlights pick up the line of your lips and that sleepy smile that’s all for him. Heavy lashes flutter when he lets you go and shoves his shorts down to give you room to work. “You can get me back when we wake up.”

He throbs in your grasp at the promised idea of getting you back and all that entails. He can’t help himself but think of wet and warm places while your hand moves in languid strokes. Hot puffs of air across his chest where you lay your head to watch and then he’s watching you watching yourself and falling into a vortex of horniness. He wants to weave his fingers into your hair for some reason. Wants to feel the softness between his fingers while you rub velvet skin through your own.

“Eddie?” You pant into his shirt, lips catching and dragging on the cotton.

“Yeah?”

“What were you reciting?”

It almost pulls him out of his pleasure it’s jars him so. Briefly he thinks about lying and saying Shakespeare but you’re already giving him a 3 am handjob so he thinks he might not have to fib. “Jabberwocky.”

“Alice in Wonderland?” Your hand leaves his cock suddenly but he doesn’t get to whine about it before he’s whining about you licking your palm and getting back to work. He nods above you like you could see him but it earns him a chuckle from you and a stray few fingers that tug at his balls.

“God damnit yes.” He does push his hand into your hair then, the other fisting into the sheets beside him. You make a passing remark about reciting it then but he honestly might not even know his own name. The way his legs move restlessly against the bed and his fingers grip into your scalp. The damp slide of your palm over the head of his cock, the twisting motion you keep doing, it’s all rocketing him towards his finish. The burn of it in his belly clouding his senses and making him buck his hips up into your touch. The air of your breath keeps breezing over his overheated skin and your panting laughs are shoving him closer and closer until he’s squeezing his eyes shut and going stiff.

Warm lines splash up his stomach and he knows in a minute or two he’ll feel shame unmatched by man heretofore known but right now he couldn’t care. Soft hands drag him through the aftershocks while you make praiseworthy noises into his chest. You coo at him for a job well done and he can feel the heat rise on his cheeks. Sitting up again to look back at him your drag a finger through the mess he made and when you take three seconds to inspect it he doesn’t expect you to bring it to your lips.

“I-“ He what? What can he say while he watches you suck on your index finger like he does? When a slick grin hooks the corner of your mouth up into something devilish and he has an awakening at almost 4 am.

“How was that, huh? Glad we got that over with?” You drop your cheek to your shoulder to give him a smolder but Eddie needs to taste your lips after you’ve tasted him. It’s a need not a want so he rushes you, pushes you back into the bed and gets his mess everywhere but it doesn’t matter. He kisses you deep until you both have to come up for air and then he’s peppering your neck in them until your giggling is too much.

He uses his shirt to wipe himself off, promising a shower in the morning, and pulls both of you under the covers to conspire in the afterglow.

“Do you think reading that poem is gonna Pavlov you now?”

“How so?”

“I mean,” your laugh cuts into your explanation, “slithy toves kind of sounds like a name for-“

“Pussy! I know!” He laughs with you. “And Bandersnatch!”

#Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson Fic #Eddie Munson Smut #Eddie Munson x Reader #My Fic

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junggunz · 4 months

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crew love | 🔞

summary: sometimes dick appointments don't go as planned... cw: fembodied!reader, there is ZERO plot, pwp, smut, fwb!samuel, fwb!eli, fwb!johan, fwb!jake, reader really said why have one bitch when you can have four-, fivesome-ish...each of the crew heads take turns with reader, mentions of masturbation, oral (f and m receiving), fingering (f receiving), lazy handjobs and blowjobs, c*ck drunk reader tbh, p in v, multiple positions, multiple orgasms, degrading dirty talk...mostly from samuel, jake calls reader 'pretty girl' once, everyone is 18+, bukakke ending, honestly there's a lot going on let me know if i missed anything. wc: 4.2k words that's crazy bc i shortened this by a lotttt. an: absolute insanity and peak degeneracy. a late merry christmas and an early happy new years from me to yall hehehe.

“And here I thought, my favorite slut was just a cute nickname for you. I never would have guessed that you were running around fucking these punks when I was too busy for you.” Samuel laughs dryly, his jaw clenching as his eyes drift over the other crew heads.

Eli was just some runaway. Johan was a crybaby. But Jake Kim was a part of your little roster? You knew better than to even mention Jake around Samuel, but the fact you more than likely compared them when you talked about your sexual escapades with your friends was enough to get him seething with rage.

It was truly an unfortunate coincidence when you sent a text to all four of your fuck buddies telling them to come over on the same day. While juggling so many guys at once, you anticipated that at some point, you would fuck up and remember wrong details about the wrong guy or even call one of them the wrong name at least once. But to screw up on this scale was beyond your imagination; you blame your overly chaotic life that caused you to seek out relief in the form of casual sex. Besides your schedule being all over the place and causing conflict, each of these men catered to a specific need you had.

Samuel provided you with rough, degrading sex that left you drunk on his cock. Johan gave you the illusion of having some sense of control in your life as you basically coached him into being the perfect fuck. Eli easily played the role of being a friend you happened to sleep with—oftentimes, him being the one you try out your new tricks with— And last but definitely not least, Jake was the one who could give you both a shoulder to cry on and a dick to ride on after a long day. They all had their own quirks and strengths that catered to whatever you needed throughout the week. Trying to pick a favorite was out of the question because you weren’t sure if you felt emotional attachment to any of them. There were no blurred lines or confusing boundaries, the basis of your relationship with all of them was just sex. And all four of them were good in bed or else you wouldn’t have bothered to keep their numbers.

“Well, now what? This isn’t the first time we’ve met under strange conditions and it probably won’t be the last.” Eli says, his tone even but with a flair of nonchalance as he sits down on your couch and looks at the other men in your living room.

Samuel alone is able to make the atmosphere tense with his disdain for Jake but everyone else in the room seems to be more baffled by the current situation you’re all in. It’s almost comical but it’s more awkward than anything and you wish the ground would swallow you whole.

“I came all this way to get my dick sucked and I don’t wanna leave with blue balls so, if you all could kindly fuck off—” Johan states bluntly only for Samuel to interject.

“What do you think I’m here for? Do you think I came to have a meeting with you fuckers again?”

Jake who had been silently off in the corner, mind going at a hundred miles per hour as he contemplated his relationship with you after finally digesting the fact he had been sharing you with three other people, suddenly speaks up. When you hear the words that fall past his beautifully flawed lips, you swear that he has finally lost his mind. And to make matters worse, it seems like the madness is shared when everyone including Samuel agrees after taking a few moments to deliberate amongst each other; blatantly leaving you out of the conversation and not letting you know their gameplan.

Who would have thought that this day would be the ultimate test of how well these four could work together? Hands are all over your body, impatiently pushing you down the hall to your room and sitting you down at the ledge. Filling the spots on the bed on either side of you are Samuel and Jake; Samuel moving quickly to make the first move and assert his dominance. Inked hand roughly grabbing you by the chin, he turns your head to face him so he can plant his lips on yours. Lips parting in a salacious moan from his treatment, he seizes the opportunity to force his tongue into your mouth; tasting you before you could be tainted by one of the other three men surrounding you. Though Samuel is adamant on staking his claim on you first, Jake has no problem latching his lips onto the exposed column of your neck. The way his lips gently feather across your skin to make you squirm then gradually get more intense is the complete opposite of how Samuel is fierce with you from the get go but they both share the talent of easily turning you into a mindless, lust drunk mess with just their lips. With so many hands on you, you can’t tell who’s unbuttoning your shirt or who’s hands are snaking up your skirt to tease you through your underwear. You barely have any time to process Samuel pulling away from your lips because Jake occupies them as soon as the opportunity arises. You think you can recognize the feel of Samuel’s palms cupping your breasts and treating the tender flesh as stress balls. And you’re almost certain that it’s Johan who’s kneeling between your legs, pressing his face into your panty clad pussy while Eli is off to the side, keeping your legs spread.

It’s only after Samuel’s hands have freed the supple skin of your tits and you have him and Jake latching on to your nipples, you’re able to see what’s going on to confirm everyone’s position. Even with the fabric barrier of your underwear, the way that Johan was greedily slurping your arousal through the fabric had your head lolling around dumbly. Your body was burning hot and the temperature was only rapidly increasing due to all the hands and mouths currently on you. Samuel’s tongue flickers over the perky bud of your nipple, leaving tepid trails of saliva in its wake. Jake’s mouth was surrounding the other, every so often grazing his teeth along the sensitive skin. When you look over at Eli with apologetic eyes, he only gives you a sly smile as his hand strokes your inner thigh; silently letting you know that you would always be worth the wait for him.

So greedy to feel as much of you as possible, when Samuel moves back to your lips and Eli is able to have a taste of your breasts. Getting in just a few sucks and bites, Eli is more interested in getting back between your thighs when he sees Johan pushing your panties to the side. Kissing his way down from your chest and his lips marking every patch of skin exposed by your haphazardly arranged clothing, Eli’s teeth skim along your thigh and cause you to shudder.

The moment Johan’s pretty fingers spread apart your sticky folds, everyone momentarily halts what they’re doing to look at the sight in awe before everything ramps up in intensity and your clothes are being pulled off your body. Easing a finger into your slick hole, Johan begins to move it in and out of you steadily; basking in the sensation of your tight walls stretching to accommodate the intrusion of the lone digit. Not too long after that, he’s grabbing you by the thighs and yanking you forward until your back falls flat against the mattress, your upper body no longer propped up Samuel and Jake. Even with the adjustment in position, Jake’s mouth had remained stuck on your chest; finally able to cup both tits in his hands when Samuel sits back on his knees after deciding he wanted something else, reaching for your hand and guiding it to palm the bulge in his boxers.

Attention disproportionately divided between the four men as their hands needily grope you, Johan occupies the most of it when his fingers enter you again. Palm facing up with his ring and middle fingers pressing against the spongy spot within your walls, your breathing is uneven with moans getting stuck in your throat. His fingers don’t move particularly fast or deep but they apply a consistent pressure against your sweet spot that makes your thighs shake and would have had your hips bucking if Eli wasn’t the one keeping your lower body firmly pinned against the mattress and your panties out of the way for Johan. With just a few firm pushes into the same spot, Johan makes your pussy squirt and Eli is quick to lean in and claim the first taste of your honey; earning a small glare from the man who had actually brought you to your orgasm. Immediately after Eli pulls away, Johan’s tongue is lapping at your clit to taste your release. Fingers still inside you, Johan repeats his same movements from earlier to make more of your nectar spill out of you before he leans in to drink your juices straight from the source.

“Open up, sweetheart.” Eli coos softly to get your attention, now kneeling beside you with his cock out which you respond to by gently holding the base of his length and guiding it into your mouth.

Only a few seconds into sucking on Eli, you feel Samuel slapping the heavy tip of his own erection against your cheek until you turn to him and give him the same treatment. You try your best to simultaneously stroke both of them and alternate giving them your mouth, but Johan is still having his fun between your legs and playing with your sensitive pussy, in search of other spots to make you see stars. At this point, any type of contact on your private parts gets you to thresh and writhe; your brain so muddled that it takes Eli and Samuel constantly reminding you that you were supposed to be giving them your mouth.

Things had just started and you were already drowning in your own sea of selfish pleasure. Pushing you to lay on your side and accentuating the natural curves of your ass and hips, you watch with hazy eyes as Eli and Johan switch positions; Johan presenting his hard length before you to which you thoughtlessly take in your mouth while Eli’s tongue ravenously licking up the trail of wetness that dripped from your pussy to your puckered asshole that was now easily accessible to him. Your eyes roll back in your head at the feel of Eli eating you out so hungrily. By no means was Johan bad with his mouth and fingers, but Eli was simply a more seasoned lover. With enough practice, the two would be on similar playing fields at some point because they had a similar wild streak masked by their pretty faces. Messily smearing your arousal all over the place, the dominant sensation in your lower half is wet and downright sloppy. There’s a gentle pulsing within you due to the back to back orgasms brought to you by Johan’s fingers, but it is quickly diminishing and being replaced by a new coil of heat building in your stomach.

Right when you think you’re gonna cum on Eli’s tongue, you see quick movement out of the corner of your eye.

“I can’t fucking wait anymore.” You hear Samuel growl.

Impatiently shoving Eli out of the way and lining his length up to your hole, sinking into you with one harsh thrust and starting off at a mean pace. The sudden stretch of Samuel’s cock stings like it always does, but with how wet you are and how heavy his thrusts are, he slips right in. With your senses zeroing in on the intrusion of Samuel’s length, your mouth comes off of Johan, only leaving him with the remnants of your saliva to lubricate his shaft as he jerks off to you being filled by Samuel.

“Fucking pathetic. Inviting all your fuck buddies over and you can’t even mulitask.” Samuel chuckles darkly, giving your ass several hefty slaps that leave the skin stinging with an almost pleasant burn.

Dizzy from all the movement and finding yourself on your back again when Samuel’s hands push both your thighs against the mattress so he could plow deep into you, watching your pussy greedily swallow his length. After observing from the sidelines for a bit, Jake joins in on the action and offers his thigh to rest your head on; the exchange being that your mouth was solely his for the moment. The lips on your face being stretched around Jake’s length while your lower lips were being plundered by Samuel, the sound of your moans have died out and the soundtrack of your bedroom consists of the sound of your poor bedframe trying not to break, wet skin slapping against each other with the low moans and groans of each of your fuck buddies. You don’t have to look at Johan or Eli to know that they were taking a breather, idly stroking their own lengths to the sight of you being wrecked by the two former colleagues.

No one says anything but everyone can see it on your face. When your mind is venturing off into space as Samuel fucks your brains out, all it takes it Jake gently caressing your cheek or your stroking your hair to bring you back to Earth; looking up at Big Deal’s leader with a more affectionate expression while you suck him off. Of course, Samuel is the only one bothered by this minor quirk; plowing into you harder and deeper like he was trying to ruin your pussy for everyone else by molding you to only take him. But all his brutal thrusts do is knock the wind out of you, making it impossible to warn him before he’s pushing you to your orgasm and causing your walls to squeeze so tight, it forces his cock out as your juices are expelled from your loins.

“You couldn’t hold it just a little longer, nasty slut?” Samuel groans, giving you another harsh slap but this time on your thigh as he reluctantly pulls away from you.

The sight of your orgasm signaled that Samuel’s turn was up and since Jake was the closest, he’s quick to claim his spot between your spread thighs, slowly easing himself into your sensitive pussy. As much as it irritates to see Jake so eager to take his place, Samuel moves off to the side; hand wrapping around his angry cock to maintain his hardness. Seeing how Johan and Eli were holding up with only a fraction of his frustration, Samuel started to wonder what kind of things you got up to with either one of the two for them to be so patient in this situation.

On a regular day, Jake would be better at taking his time with you and building up to a pace that brings you to your sweet release but after waiting so long to feel you and feeling the way your love canal rhythmically throbs around his cock after your finish, it’s like you have him in a trance. Not as rough as Samuel, but definitely more aggressive than his usual self, Jake thrusts into you needily. Your wanton moans mixing in with Jake’s are loud enough to drown out the sound of your bed squeaking in protest. Body so high strung, it comes as no surprise that you can only hold out for so long before you’re calling out Jake’s name between breathy whimpers.

“What is it, pretty girl?” He asks you, voice wavering ever so slightly as your walls squeeze him even tighter and become more slick around him; his body torn between pushing deeper into your pulsing heat or halting his movements.

“I’m gonna cum again—” You pant, looking up at him with glossy eyes to top off your sheepish expression; feeling bad for making him wait so long just to barely get any time with you. But Jake could never be mad at you for cumming too soon on his cock. The warmth of your walls gave him a comfort that simply couldn’t compare to other one night stands he had been with. Even in this situation where he had to share you, bringing you to orgasm filled his chest with pride just the same.

Reaching between your bodies, his thumb gently toys with your swollen clit in time with his thrusts, causing a shrill yelp to pour from your lungs before you tremble beneath him, your hips bucking wildly and your walls wrapped around him like you were made for him, it almost tempts into finishing inside you, but he swiftly pulls away. Dick throbbing after being denied of his own climax, his hand wraps around the end of his shaft, lightly squeezing the tip as he looks toward Eli and Johan to see who would call next.

Despite his eagerness to kick everyone out of your apartment earlier so he could have you to himself, Johan lets Eli go first. Not out of politeness but simply because making mental notes of how everyone else treated your body. Johan may have been at a disadvantage by not having as much experience under his belt as the others, but he was able to make up for it with how quick he learned by observing. Watching the same type of porn you liked may might have given him some insight to what gets you off; however it just didn’t compare to actually seeing in real time how you liked to be fucked.

Eli moves between your legs, ready to mount you until the wetness of the sheets against his skin nags at him. There had been countless times where he had been able to make a mess of you like this on his own but something about having to kneel in a puddle of your juices that were coaxed out of you by someone else bugs him.

“God, it’s wet everywhere. You’re so messy.” Eli teases softly, plucking you off your mattress and hooking your thigh around his arm as he stands at the end of your bed frame.

With you no longer laying down, everyone is able to see the faint outline of your figure created by you sweating on the sheets along with the sizable dark, wet stain of your orgasms. It’s so vulgar and dirty, but it’s exactly the type of thing that seems to boost morale amongst the men and make them even more eager to wreck you.

Balancing yourself on just one foot, it’s up to Eli to keep you stable; one hand tightly gripping your thigh and the other keeping a vice hold on your ass. The moment he sinks into you, your body tenses for just a moment before relaxing in his arms. Being taken at this angle somehow manages to wipe more thoughts from an already barren mind. You feel Eli’s length pummeling deep inside of you, you feel his lips ghosting along your neck and jaw but it’s almost as if there’s disconnect between your mind and body. You can’t even think about how loud you’re being and if you keep it up, you might end up with a sore throat because your moans just keep tumbling carelessly.

Rutting into you with the perfect balance of passion and primal instinct, Eli genuinely contemplates giving you a nice, warm load right into your cervix so you’d have to keep him around. The only thing that stops him from asking if you want his seed at that moment is the fact that there were three other guys coping with varying levels of sexual frustration and would throw a fit if he came inside you so soon. In the back of his mind, Eli was more than ready to creampie you if you had begged even just a little.

You don’t even have to string together the words to warn Eli that you were on the verge of another explosive orgasm. He could see it all over your face. He could feel it in how you clutched onto his shoulders and dug your nails into the skin. And the most damning of all, everyone could hear the way your moans escalated in pitch and volume. Your body feels like jelly as you gush all over his length, the only thought in your head wondering how were you going to make it through the rest of the night if things continued on like this?

After Eli pulls out of you, it’s a literal hand off to Johan; feeling God Dog’s leader put his hands on your waist then bend you over while your hands still clung to Eli. Rough fingertips dig into the meat of your hip as Johan establishes a firm hold on your body, he pushes his hips forward; the harsh thrust cushioned by the softness of your ass. You gasp loudly, not expecting the tip of his cock to hit your sweet spot right away. If he continued to fuck you at this angle, there was no way you wouldn’t come apart with just a few more thrusts—Johan knows that and quite frankly, doesn’t care— It’s proven when he gives you a few experimental bucks of his hips and feels the telltale sensation of your walls clamping down on his cock that lets him know you had orgasmed. With how quickly you cum, your jaw hangs open in shock and no one else is the wiser so Johan continues to lose himself in the sensation of your warm, wet heat.

“How are you still so fucking tight?” Johan groans out, a delirious laugh rumbling in the back of his throat while he ruts into you, pushing so deep that his full balls are squished up against your swollen pussy lips. “Is it because you’re waiting for someone to bust inside you?” He says, leaning in to whisper the words into your ear.

You lose count of how many times you cum on Johan’s cock alone but at this point, your walls are so sensitive that even with the undulating, rapid movements of his hips, you feel every vein and ridge rubbing up against you.

“N-no…” You whimper, despite the very obvious spasming of your walls after hearing his question.

“Just say the word and I’ll fill you up-”

“If you cum inside, we’re kicking you out.” Jake quickly cuts in after overhearing the brief exchange between you and Johan.

Rolling his eyes at the latter’s comment, Johan promptly shoves you off his cock; not wanting to deal with the bickering that would ensue if he were to finish inside you like he wanted. Never empty for long, as soon as someone pulls out of you, someone else is filling you up again or moving you into another position before entering you again. It’s truly a group effort to remind you to use your mouth or hands on the other guys when you have one of them balls deep in your pussy, your mind long gone and in a depraved daze.

It’s only when you get to a point of being barely able to keep your eyes open, your bedroom is filled with an urgency to finish before your body finally gives out. It had been in the middle of one of Eli’s turns when everyone quietly came to the decision to wrap things out and he pulled out of you, your body tiredly sprawled out on the soiled sheets. Everyone stands around you and furiously jerks their dicks before you feel splashes of warmth all over various parts of your body. Even though your vision was mostly fuzzy by now, you could tell by just the locations who finished where. Samuel made sure to paint your face, uncaring of whether he got it in your hair or eyes but ensuring he slapped his tip on your tongue as he shot out the final rope. Eli came all over the outside of your pussy, fondly smiling at the sight as he did so. Jake had mostly aimed for your chest; letting a few stray ropes spray over the lower portion of your face because he knew it would get a rise out of Samuel. And Johan had opted to leave a nice pool of his seed right above your navel since your ass wasn’t an option for him today.

Fucked out and exhausted, you stumble to the bathroom to get yourself cleaned up and make it clear that they needed to change your bedding for you before they left. Once that’s all done, you don’t even bother saying bye to any of your fuckbuddies since it was a normal part of your routine to send them away after cleaning up. You hear your front door slam shut, the electronic deadbolt automatically locking it for you and you assume everyone has left so you could go to sleep but the sound of footsteps approaching your bedroom again makes you slowly sit up and look toward your doorframe.

You thought you didn’t have a favorite crew head, but when you see that he’s the one who decided to stay behind, you perk up as you welcome him back into your bed. Whether it was simply enjoying each other’s company or just resting before going for another round of sex, you’re glad it’s with him.

#lookism x reader #lookism smut #samuel seo x reader #samuel seo smut #samuel seo scenarios #jake kim x reader #jake kim smut #jake kim scenarios #johan seong scenarios #johan seong smut #johan seong x reader #eli jang scenarios #eli jang smut #eli jang x reader #junggunz.txt

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fandomfix13 · 6 months

Text

Get Him Back - Rafe Cameron 18+

* HI ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE WRITTEN ANYTHING BUT IM HERE NOW

* TBH THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT SO BARE WITH ME

* This is so super long and also completely filthy at parts SO MDNI and pls read warnings

* little bit of fluff? Def some pretty smutty smut. This did not start out as smut but here we are

* WRITTEN IN Y/N’s POV, lots of dialogue

*anything in italics is your inner monologue

Word count: 4K

WARNINGS: MDNI!, mentions of cheating (not rafe), toxic ex, oral (giving and receiving), fingering, rough-ish??, p in v sex, hair pulling, light choking??, not rated e for everyone

The rain is pouring down in sheets. Falling harder than it has in a while. My head is pounding from holding back tears, that I might as well let out. I never thought that I would be in this situation. Forced out of my boyfriend's car after a fight at nearly one in the morning, with a dead phone, left to walk home alone in the pouring rain. How cliche. Not to mention the fact that I’m just over three miles away from home. What a dick. Some “man” he is to leave me like that. For all he cares, I could be kidnapped out here. However, it's highly unlikely being that I’m wandering in one of (if not the nicest) neighborhoods in this entire state. Constantly guarded by a neighborhood watch, with gated community after gated community.

I can see the the sharp rain plummeting down in the glow of the street lights. Unlucky for me, the wind has picked up too making this walk even more miserable. At this point, I have two options; 1. I could continue to walk home in this miserable weather OR 2. I could lose all dignity and show up to Sarah’s house after not talking to her in months. Seeing as this storm is showing absolutely no sign of stopping, its looking like the second option is better. As I turn the corner, I approach the Seabrook Gated Community. A little ways down is the fence that Sarah and I used to hop all the time when we would sneak out. That’s my in. It’s an old rusty fence that is hidden behind some overgrown hedges behind some wildly overpriced house that rarely ever has anyone living in it.

After nearly slipping off of the slippery fence, I make my way down the street to Tanny Hill. Mentally preparing myself for the absolute humiliation that will occur if Sarah opens the front door. We had our falling out about 3 months ago and we haven't spoken since. We have tried our best to avoid each other at all costs. At least I’ve tried avoiding her, that is, until this very moment.

As I approach the front lawn, I genuinely consider turning around and quite literally braving the storm and walking home. As it is, I’m already soaked from head to toe and probably on the verge of pneumonia. However, I shake off my thoughts and walk towards the front door. I knock three times in hope that someone will hear. I don’t ring the doorbell out of fear of waking up the entire Cameron household which is the last thing I need to do. After a few seconds, nobody answers. This house is huge maybe they are coming. I convince myself that nobody is answering the door so I turn accepting my fate and I walk away. Suddenly, I hear the front door unlock and my breath gets caught in my throat when I hear his voice.

“Y/N? Is that you?” Fuck. Me.

“Hey Rafe.” I choke out. God I probably look insane.

“What are you doing here?” he looks at his phone “at 1:26 in the morning.”

“Um. Is Sarah home?” I spit out, trying to avoid conversation.

“She’s not…but I am.” He leans against the door frame looking me up and down in a ‘you good?’ way. “You also didn’t answer my question.” He adds.

“I uh…I didn’t know where else to go.” I say quietly. I was right. This is in fact humiliating. He just stands there and stares at me. Clearly unamused at the fact that I still haven't answered his question as to why I am standing on his front porch looking like a wet dog. I would stare too. “Are you gonna let me inside? Or are you just gonna keep staring at me in silence.” I add.

“That depends.” He says lookin back into the house then back at me. “Are you gonna tell me why you’re here? Or are you just gonna avoid the question.” Touche. We stand here in silence for a moment as he watches me get pelted in the face by the rain and I chatter my teeth. He finally pushes the door open further and gestures for me to come inside. Thank go Sarah isn’t home because I would be shitting myself out of embarrassment right now. I walk in and Rafe opens a hallway in the closet as he reaches in and grabs a towel that he throws at me. “If You get anything wet, Rose will lose her shit.”

“How kind.” I say with strong notes of sarcasm.

“Hey I didn’t have to let you in. I could've just left you outside on your own.” he’s right.

“Well you wouldn’t be the first guy to leave me outside tonight, so I probably would’ve been fine” I blurt out without thinking. What happened to me tonight is none of his business. Plus I’m sure he will hear about it anyway. However, he did let me inside which he did not have to do, so I could at least pretend to be grateful.

“Damn. That's rough. Sorry about that.” he almost sounded embarrassed.

“No, it's fine. Thanks for the towel.” he nods and sits down at the kitchen counter. We stand in silence for a bit as I ring my hair out into the sink. This couldn’t be more awkward. Here I am standing in my ex best friend’s house with her older brother, who was in fact my first kiss in a game of truth or dare years ago, and who happens to be the best friend of my boyfriend who just dumped me on the side of the road in the middle of the night. This is just grand. “Do you have a phone charger? My phone is completely dead.”

“Uh yeah its upstairs. Do you wanna-” he cut himself off before speaking again. “Do you just wanna come up with me so you can change?” Right. So. Apparently this absolutely CAN feel more awkward. Whatever. I need to charge my phone and honestly a change of clothes sounds devine. I silently follow Rafe up the stairs and into his room. “If you want you can take a shower to warm up. Your teeth haven’t stopped chattering since you got here.” he’s being frighteningly nice.

“Um sure.” I say hesitantly as I am incredibly confused by his nice attitude. I plug in my phone and Rafe hands me one of his old t-shirts and a pair of booty shorts that were surely left here by some random girl, but honestly I don’t care. I have to get out of these clothes. “Thanks.” I say taking the clothes and entering his bathroom, closing and locking the door quickly behind me. Literally what the fuck. There is no way this is really happening.

I take my time in the shower as I let the steaming hot water warm me up for a while. When I’m done, I put on the clothes that Rafe gave me, and open the bathroom door seeing him sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Hey Topper called you like five times when you were in the shower.” He says unfazed. My attitude shifts almost immediately.

“You didn’t answer it did you?” I blurt out. Nice job y/n! That wasn’t suspicious at all!

“No…why would I?” he laughs clearly confused as I let out a sigh of relief. Once again. Awkward silence. I take a seat on the edge of the bed going through my phone. “Are you gonna call him back?” he asks. Before I could answer him, his phone starts to ring. Toppers name is displayed on the screen. Rafe looks at his phone, then back to me, then back to his phone.

“I am NOT here. Answer it. Put it on speaker.” I say frantically. Now he's intrigued.

“Hey Top!” Rafe answers. “Rafe! I fucked up man. I fucked up BAD! I’m coming over. I need a drink asap.” I am immediately shaking my head and mouthing ‘no’. “Top I can’t tonight man. My dad is on my ass and if Rose finds out I have someone over, I’m dead bro.” Is he seriously helping me right now?

Topper scoffs on the other line. “Since when have you given a shit about what Rose thinks? I’m already on my way!”

“Then turn around and go home man. I can’t tonight.”

“What is up with you dude? You never turn down a drink” its silent for a minute “Oh shit do you have a chick over right now?” Im disgusted at the change in tone in Top’s voice when he brings up Rafe having a girl over.

“Yeah bro I do. And she’s alone right now in my bed so I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow.” Rafe responds, very quick to go along with Topper’s question.

“That’s my man!” Topper laughs “is she hot? She better be hot!”

Even Rafe rolls his eyes at Topper’s comment. “Yeah she’s hot. Okay gotta go man.” Rafe responds as he hangs up the phone. Is that true, does he think I’m hot? I don’t care. Do I?

I let out a huge sigh of relief that we dodged the bullet of Top showing up here.

“So. Are you gonna tell me why I just had to lie to my best friend?”

I shift nervously. “Well technically you didn’t lie. There is a ‘chick’ here and she is sitting on your bed.” I try to make a joke avoiding this conversation at all costs.

“Y/n.” He says, raising his eyebrows. He clearly wants an answer.

“I broke up with Top and he didn’t take it well.” I say on an exhale. He doesn’t say anything because he’s not stupid. He has probably figured out that much already. I let out a heavy sigh. “He kicked me out of his car in the middle of the road three miles away from my house in the fucking rain because I accused him of cheating on me. He told me that I had no idea what I was talking about. He said I was crazy, and that I was making shit up. But I’m not. I know for a fact that I’m not. It’s not the first time either. He’s done it before, which I’m sure you already know since you’re his best friend and he probably tells you everything.” I make that realization as I’m rambling my story out to him. Rafe is probably well aware of Topper’s lack of loyalty.

“I uh. I knew about it the first time.” He admits. His honestly with the situation makes me laugh a little as I roll my eyes.

“Of course you did. Being that it was with your sister. I’d be shocked if you didn’t know.” The look on Rafe’s face instantly changes. It’s almost like he’s holding something back. “Unless…Sarah wasn’t the first girl was she. There was someone else.” Tears that I have been pushing back for weeks start to well in my eyes. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m furious. Even Rafe doesn’t know what to say. Without thinking, I grab my wet clothes and my barely charged phone, and head towards his bedroom door. “I should go. Thanks for the shower and-”

“Y/n don’t be ridiculous” he says quickly following me. “You can’t leave right now that storm is getting worse” He puts his hand on the door, shutting it.

I turn and he is standing close enough to me to create an odd sort of tension.

“Why don’t you get him back?” Rafe suggests as I roll my eyes.

“I don’t want to get back with him Rafe I’m so ov-” he cuts me off.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I mean get him back. As in revenge.” he says as he steps closer to me. Jesus Christ I’m an absolute idiot.

“Revenge…right.” I laugh awkwardly. He continues to inch closer, creating an even bigger amount of tension. Not that tension is an unfamiliar thing with Rafe and I. There has always been a weird tension between us. Ya know…the whole best friends brother thing. I’ve known Rafe for almost 10 years. Something about his cocky attitude has always been attractive to me. Call it toxic. I don’t care. It’s just the truth. Rafe and I are standing right infront of each other. He is towering over me as my back is still to the door.

“You know…They say that one of the best ways to get over a guy is to get under another.” He almost whispers while moving my hair out of my face. I can’t help but blush. The thought of getting back at Topper crossed my mind the second he cheated on me. The thought of getting back at him by hooking up with his best friend? That’s even better. Rafe leans down and starts to kiss my neck. “Rafe we probably shouldn’t do this” I whisper clearly enjoying it.

“Of course we shouldn’t. But I do shit that I shouldn’t do all the time.” He stops kissing my neck to look me in the face.

“Me too” I nod letting out a breath as I crash my lips onto his. The kiss is instantly filled with an insane amount of intensity. Rafe backs me up against the wall as he deepens the kiss. He moves from my mouth to my neck, leaving hickeys all over. He is making sure that I can’t hide what we are doing. And I’m totally here for it. His hands move from my hair, to my hips, to underneath the hem of my shirt. Well. Technically his shirt. I’m braless since my bra got soaked in that rain earlier. He quickly realizes this as his hand grazes over my tits. He starts to grip them while kissing me, making me moan softly until he stops for a second.

“As hot as you look in my shirt…it’s coming off” he nearly growls. I lift my arms as he lifts the shirt over my head and throws it across the room. I reach for his shirt to take it off. Once he takes it off his mouth is back on mine. Our foreheads are pressed together as our bare chests are rising and falling against each other. He hoists me up, grabbing my ass as I throw my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. We don’t last long against the wall before we move to the bed.

He lays me down on the edge of the bed as he hovers over me kissing me yet again. Each kiss gets more aggressive. We bite each other's lips between kisses. He moves his mouth from my lips to my neck leaving more marks. Slowly, he makes his way to my chests. The marks he makes get darker and darker. He puts his mouth over my nipple, making me moan as he slightly bites down. He quickly moves his hand up to cover my mouth.

“Shhh. Baby we gotta stay quiet.” He says as he moves from one nipple to the other. I moan into his hand as he stifles the sound that comes out. His hand moves from my mouth to my throat as he wraps his hand around it lightly. His lips meet mine again. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” holy shit. I moan into our kiss as his hand is on my throat. His hand travels down my body until its hovering over my shorts. He’s moving his hand from one thigh to the other. Barely grazing the spot where I need him the most. I breathe into our kiss as his hand stops at the waistband of my shorts. He’s such a fucking tease. He hovers his hand there for a minute sensing that I want more.

“Oh my God Rafe” I moan out of anticipation.

“You want more baby?” he smirks against my lips.

“You know I do” Smartass.

“Say less” he moves from his position above me, to kneeling on the floor at the edge of the bed. He hooks his fingers around the waistband of my shorts, pulling them down, revealing my bare pussy. He pulls me closer to the edge of the bed and spreads my legs in one swift motion, causing my breath to hitch. He leans down and attaches his mouth to my clit. This of course causes another accidental moan to slip from my mouth. I immediately throw my own hands over my mouth to quiet the noise. His tongue is swirling circles over my clit as he inserts two fingers without warning. As hard as I am trying to stifle my sounds, nothing could stop the groan that I let out at this moment. He moves his fingers at a faster pace that matches what his tongue is doing.

“Holy Shit Rafe.” I whine.

“You like that?” he smirks up at me. I nod and roll my eyes to the back of my head before shutting them tightly. But suddenly Rafe stops. “Open your eyes y/n. I want you to look at me when you cum. I want you to see who is making you feel this good.” I do as he says and open my eyes as I prop myself up on my elbows to get a better view. “Atta girl” He smirks before burying his face into me yet again. He adds a third finger as I throw my head back while remaining eye contact. He curls his fingers as he eats me out and I want to scream at the pressure building up inside of me. I reach forward and tangle my fingers through his hair as he grins up towards me.

“Rafe! Oh my God” I let out a string of other soft noises and words.

“Go ahead baby. Cum for me,” I look Rafe in the eyes as I jerk my hips and arch my back, completely unraveling in front of him. As he removes his fingers from inside of me, he brings them up to my mouth. “I want you to see how good you taste.” he says as I take his fingers into my mouth until they are clean. He removes his fingers from my mouth and laces his hands through my hair as he devours me with a kiss.

“That was incredible.” I breathe heavily.

“Oh we aren’t done yet princess.” the sound of him calling me princess was enough to nearly send me over the edge again.

“I’d hope not” I tangle my tongue with his as he deepens the kiss by pulling my hair back. I reach for his pants and I undo his belt.

“Eager are we?” he scoffs, pulling away for a moment. He removes his belt and his pants. Leaving his boxers for me to remove. I gesture for him to sit on the edge of the bed where I just was. When he sits, I climb onto his lap, straddling him over his boxers. I can tease too. I lean in kissing him as I slowly start to rock back and forth on his lap. I can feel him getting harder by the second. To be honest this is doing just as much for me as it is for him. I start to kiss his neck, leaving marks similar to the ones he left on me. I start to rock faster back and forth until he is letting out moans the way I was. I cover his mouth.

“I thought we had to stay quiet.” I give him a sly smile before kneeling on the floor and removing his boxers. I come face to face with his cock as I run my tongue up the side, looking up at him while I do it. I move my tongue to the other side slowly, taking my sweet time.

“Fuck y/n” Rafe groans as he places his hand in my hair.

I wrap my mouth around the head of his cock and start to suck slowly, using my hands to work the rest that I can’t fit in my mouth. I bob my head up and down while I look up at him, my eyes are starting to water. He grabs my head and slightly pushes me down further, and I can feel his tip hit my throat. When it does Rafe lets out a deep moan with a mumbled string of “oh fucks”. After a few minutes, I can sense that he is going to cum. I don’t bother asking where he wants to finish before he finishes in my mouth. I swallow and look up at him with a smile.

“Holy shit. You really know what you’re doing.” He lets out a heavy content sigh. “We still aren't done yet. I need to be inside you.” He says laying me back down on the bed. I still cannot believe that this is happening.

Rafe wastes no time climbing on top of me leaving sloppy kisses up my chest and meeting my mouth with his. “You sure about this?” He looks down at me.

“Never been more sure about anything.” I nod.

“Good” He says as he grabs a condom from his nightstand and puts it on. Seconds later, he is lining himself up at my entrance. His tongue plunges into my mouth as he enters inside of me. His cock stretched my pussy perfectly. He moves with smooth motions leaving us both moaning into each other's mouths as he starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He brings his hand to my throat once again,barely applying pressure, making me let out a moan that was too loud to be stifled. He doesn’t seem to care.

“You like when my hands are around your neck?” He whispers in my ear.

“Yes! Oh my god yes” I am starting to get louder. He moves his hand from my throat to my mouth to keep me quiet again. I moan into his hand as his thrusts hit the perfect spot inside of me. He can tell that he has hit the spot when my hips start to buck in perfect rhythm with his thrusts. I am almost screaming into his hand. As he leans down to kiss me again.

“You gonna cum with me?” he asks, pressing his forehead against mine. I nod unable to speak, to stop myself from screaming. “Words y/n. Use your words”

“Fuck yes. I’m gonna cum!” I whine out. He thrusts in and out a few more times, hitting the spot perfectly making me squirm underneath him. With one final thrust, I arch my back as I scratch my nails down his, definitely leaving scratch marks. We cum simultaneously as we let out deep and hungry moans into each other's mouths. He just gave me the best orgasm I have ever had. He pulled out and laid next to me.

“Holy shit. I’ve waited so long to do that.” he says looking at me out of breath.

“Me too. I always had a crush on you ya know.” I say looking at him equally as out of breath.

“Yeah I know.” He smiles and lets out a soft chuckle.

“Took you long enough to do something about it.” I laugh back.

“Thank God I did. And I plan on doing it again. Just so you know.” I winked at me

“I’d hope so.” I smile, laying there next to him. He was right. That was the best way to get over someone.

** hi! I really hope you liked this. If you did and want to see more let me know what you want to see! I had fun writing this and in my many many years of writing fanfics this is somehow my first time writing smut so I hope it was okay lol ❤️

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe smut #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #rafe cameron smut #obx fanfic #rafe cameron #rafe obx #obx fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #drew starkey #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x female!mc #obx smut

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 8 months

Text

cursed hours, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: You know what your boyfriend is? That's right – horny. (Can relate.) And, you know what, you are too. Jeon Jungkook is super mega ultra hot. (Facts.) But. Even you don't fuck doing cursed hours. You try to delicately explain to your love that there are, in fact, suboptimal times to be asking for banging. (This conversation ends exactly in the way that everyone is predicting.)

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; established relationship; playful banter and shitty jokes; in which Jungkook tries to listen to your grievance but then he remembers what you look like naked and then the Calvin Klein's fly off; crack and fluff; smut (fem reader, ball torture JK is a freak, m-receiving oral, handjob, edging, penetrative sex (doggy), clitoral stimulation, m-masturbation); squabbling tbh; non-idol!BTS - short black-haired!JK with his two lip rings; the parenthesis are the reader’s inner thoughts

crackhead best laid plans / counter point / well dressed couple no need to read the others, but they’re there if you want more happy birthday, Jungkook! XD

It was the middle of the day.

“We need to talk.”

Your boyfriend and absolute love of your life, Jean Jungkook, vehemently shook his head and puffed his cheeks. It was quite sad to see that all of his previously bleach-blond (read: extremely fried) long waves were gone, but his current shorter black hair made him look even younger (carding territory, for real). At least he got another lip ring next to his first one. Not really to make up for anything. Just because he felt like being your forever wet dream (he was, keke).

You cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“No talk.” He stuck his tongue out (the disrespect, hah). “Nothing good comes out of your girlfriend saying, we need to talk.”

You opened your mouth. Nothing came out (or in… yet). He had a point. He wasn’t going to like what you had to say. (Be strong!) You had to say it anyway.

“Jeon Jungkook, you can't wake me up at six in the morning with your rock-hard dick shoved against my ass cheeks and expect me to have enough brain function to cooperate.”

Big pout. The biggest pout with the biggest peepers.

“But... I'm horny.”

Irrefutable argument, surely. He was horny.

(Yeah, when are you not?)

You laid down the law with vigorous hand waving. “Two in the morning? Okay. Three? Eh, pushing it but I can sleep right after. But six? Six in the morning?! That is too much. That (that) is cursed hours. There’s no way I can go back to sleep then. Cursed. I’m not a morning person. You’re not a morning person. Why is you dick awake?”

Big shrug. (Big dick too, wait, what?) “He’s an all-day person,” he nodded sagely. “Your tits and butt are right there. What can I do?”

Your eyes twitched.

“You’re the one who wants me to sleep in panties!”

Your boyfriend shook his head primly (and childishly and one-hundred percent like a freaking annoying little shit). “No,” Jungkook clarified. Very serious. Too serious. “I want you to sleep naked. You’re the one being unreasonable.”

You gasped dramatically. “I’m not waking up with jizz all over me… again!”

“Hence the compromise! That’s why I wake you up first… and then jizz all over you!”

This conversation would be a lot more (ahem) concerning if Jungkook wasn’t grinning like a madman and you weren’t clutching your non-existent pearls in a state of fabricated shock (although you would have pearls if he jizzed all over your neck right now, eh, eh, okay, never mind), anyway, you knew damn well that Jungkook would probably stop for, mmmm, a couple weeks, then promptly forget this conversation, and inevitably wake you up way too early to hump your sleepy ass (literally).

You weren’t with him because he listened (we can see that).

“I am just saying,” you lowered your tone, still lighthearted but somewhat stern now. “If you want me to be receptive and not grumpy, six in the morning is not the time. You can rub yourself all over me if you want but it’s very unlikely that I will be in the mood. I don’t want to get mad to you. That’s why I’m telling you now.”

Jungkook firmly nodded. Ah, he understood! Finally. He raised his rigid hand against his temple in salute.

“Okay. From now on, I’ll hump you to completion instead.”

You gave him a blank stare of utter disbelief.

That playful grin with those gleaming lip rings bounced forward and tackled you onto the bed as you continued gawking at him, shell-shocked. Really? (Really, dude?) But you could tell he was apologetic, showering your neck and cheeks with kisses, saying between blossoming laughter, “Sorry, sorry, you just look so cute when you’re mad,” and you were trying to stay mad. The principle of it all. Hmph! “I’m mad!” You vocalized with a huff. Maybe if you said it, you would mean it. (You didn’t.) “Yep, you’re definitely mad, so mad…!” This idiot was repeatedly mushing your cheeks with his big palms and deliberately piling on the aegyo. You squinted your eyes into lines. “Stop messing with my cheeks!” “Don’t wanna!”

You chopped his head.

“Yah!”

Your idiot – cough, sorry, boyfriend, love of your life, darling, all that fluff stuff – made a fake dying noise but you didn’t catch on to his admission of defeat (couldn’t trust it anyway, this was Jeon Jungkook), and grabbed his wrist, pinning it down onto the bed and getting right up in his face, planting your palm his broad chest and shoving him (which did approximately nothing, you really do need to work out).

“I’m being serious here. I’m telling you something that would piss me off and you hate it when I’m mad at you so I’m warning you in advance. I’m working on myself too, but sunrise is really pushing it,” you emphasized, practically sitting in his lap now, your (his) big white t-shirt spilling over his bare thighs. Nobody wore pants in this household. Jungkook could barely keep his underwear on (foreshadowing). “I didn’t want to get mad at you this morning out of nowhere, but you’re not good at taking the hint.”

Those glittering chocolate eyes softened. “Oh. I’m sorry. I get excited…”

“And you can get excited,” you sighed, letting go of his wrist and patting the top of his head. “I only want you to be aware of how I’m feeling at that time and it’s a whole lot of why do humans have to sleep, waking up sucks ass. Not good for horny.”

Damn, these big rueful peepers were going to be the death of you. “You know me. I like being with you more than anything in the world. I don’t like being without you. Even sleeping is such a pain,” Jungkook finished with a puff.

You smacked his (very firm) chest. “I’m not telling you leave me alone. Just don’t ask me to fuck, because the answer is most likely going to be no at that time of day. Wait for me to wake up, at least!”

“But…!”

He grabbed the front of your (his) shirt and you tensed, thinking he was about to shake you, adjusting to be a bit more stable on his legs and then your shin slid to the front of his crotch and both of you abruptly fell silent (a shocking moment in this household).

“Jungkook.”

He was trying very hard not to grin but you could see it in those dark brown orbs.

“Yeah?”

He really was your favorite person. Really. He had an intense, passionate outlook on life. Tried hard at everything and made a fuss when certain things didn’t work out as he planned. Slowly learned to let things go but still picked up too many interests. Still thought he could do anything (and you believed with him, so maybe you were both the problem). Jungkook always told you he was grateful that you were so into about the things you liked (read: obsessive), because he made him feel less weird, made him feel that someone could match his energy, made him feel like he finally met his person, someone loved to live life as much as he did.

Romantic, yeah?

“Why is your dick hard?” you accused.

Your (lovable but idiot) boyfriend grinned. “Just remembering what you look like naked.”

Really romantic.

Yeah.

“Oh?”

You backed off his lap and forced his legs open.

“W-W-Wait–”

Which was how you ended up yoinking off Jungkook’s Calvin Klein's (with force and a tangle of legs and maybe a yelp if you bothered to listen), and did not take off your shirt as you got to your knees and curled your tongue around his already-hard-and-getting-harder cock. Sure, he was saying stuff (blah blah that’s not fair blah, the usual), but you cared not. Zero fucks given. Hey, if Jungkook was going to be all horny on you whenever he felt like it, you were going to give it to him whenever you felt like it too. He needed to be punished for being insufferable!

(Never mind that this has been going on for years.)

“Come on, take off your… oooh, fuck…”

(Your predictable arguments ended in predictable ways.)

You spared no expense. Tongue all over his length. Dripping saliva. Porn-star-esque, complete with the slurping it all back up and jamming the head of that throbbing cock into the back of your throat, squishing it against the pocket of saliva. Nasty. Yo, you didn’t have sex to be elegant. You had sex to watch Jungkook’s torso shudder uncontrollably and hear him whine in the middle of him yanking off his oversized black t-shirt, his head of crazy messy black hair popping out. You watched as he emerged like a just-saved, half-drowned vacationer and then his eyes rolled back like he had been knocked out, all while you bounced your head up and down, running your tongue along the base and his balls, making sure to be extra soft at the tip and caress the slit with the gentlest of kisses. Not enough to pressure to really get him off, but so much pleasure, lovingly swirling your tongue around and pressing your lips against the sensitive skin.

Then you did what any reasonable person would do (heh) and replaced your soothing mouth with your punishing grip, pumping him roughly.

“Gah!”

Your tongue circled around his balls and both slid into your mouth, sucking on them as you jacked him off. Any intelligent response was immediately annihilated by the gargling moan Jungkook choked out, falling back to his hands. Mmmm, those arms. The tension was making his muscles bulge, the dark colorful tattoos on his right arm gleaming in the bedroom light, his left just as shapely and defined. You switched between each side, sucking and licking and toying with his balls while your hand built up a furious pace, grinning as you felt his length twitch and throb. Glassy, dark brown orbs glanced down to watch, the ends of his black hair stuck to his cheeks, mouth open, pink lips glossy.

The look in those eyes.

So needy.

You delicately trapped one of his balls between your teeth and sucked hard before pulling your lips back and grinning. The reaction was immediate. The shiver visible, the hitched breath sharp, the tremble lingering at his shoulders, exasperation and desire flashing over his expression. Jungkook pleaded with you, knowing full well he didn’t want you to listen to a single word he was saying.

“N-No, please, d-don’t make me a f-freak…”

(Not sure how to tell you this, Jungkook, but you’ve been a freak since day one.)

“You like it,” you replied (with his nut in your mouth, smacking it with your tongue as you spoke). “Don’t lie to me.”

“No, I like it when you’re nice,” Jungkook stressed and he was very stressed because your hand was slowing down and that was not a good sign.

“Oh, yeah?” you taunted. Totally unnecessary but totally necessary. You let go of his cock and switched balls, squeezing the other saliva-covered one in a slippery, punishing grip that make Jungkook yelp with an edge of panic.

His cock jolted, sticking straight up.

You gave him the look of see what I see?

Jungkook sputtered, frantically waving his hand about. “N-No! It’s not what it looks like!”

(It’s not… it’s not what it looks like? What does it look like then, huh?!)

You raked your teeth over his balls and started sucking and tugging on them.

His right hand instantly flew to his dick (bombastic side-eye) and he started desperately jacking himself off as you used precise pressure and tongue to tease him. He was loudly moaning in reckless abandon, “H-Harder, yeah, like that, oooh, fuck, yes, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop” (criminally offensive side-eye), but you obeyed, gripping the inside of his thigh and ravishing his balls. You could barely see from your peripheral vision but you could certainly feel the force of Jungkook’s firm, tight grip around his stiff length.

Damn.

Your panties were also getting uncomfortably drenched.

Suddenly his hand froze up, his whole arm shaking. You glanced up. White teeth biting the left edge of his lower lip, lashes fluttering, jaw clenched. Muffled scream in his throat. The line from his neck to torso to abs to crotch to tattooed hand choking his hard cock was incredibly hot. Even hotter was how dark the head was becoming, angry purple-red and beading pearly translucent pre-cum.

“Fuck, I almost came, fuck…”

(Was that not the goal or are we missing something here?)

You spoke sloppily with his nut halfway in your mouth.

“Thought you were going to jizz all over me.”

His dark brows furrowed, gasping for breath, trembling all over. “You know I would ask you first, I’m not a big meanie,” Jungkook pouted, opening his eyes when you knocked away his hand, then his peepers popping open wide as you picked up his vicious pace with a smirk, lowering your shoulder to squeeze his balls at the same time (zero chill here). It could have been your name somewhere in that strangled moan. Could have, but it wasn’t that discernable and you were unbothered, even as his hands flew up and grabbed your (his) shirt, practically ripping it off in frustration.

“Please, ack, please…!”

You stopped.

Jungkook nearly yelled bloody murder and snatched you by the waist, lifting you far too easily. He was two beats away from suplex-ing you onto the bed if it wasn’t for the horny beating out his frustration of being edged for the second? third? whatever time. You were almost worried (not really), but everything worked out (kind of). There were always condoms on the nightstand (for reasons) and it took Jungkook record time to rip one open and slide it on before forcefully grabbing your ass (you had been trying to move away for… reasons) and dragging you back to him from a growl, flipping the bottom of your (his) shirt up.

Somehow, in the tangle of legs and arms, you had managed to slip off your panties and put them on the other nightstand so Jungkook wouldn’t rip them off your body.

(It has happened before.)

At the sight of your naked and wet pussy, Jungkook forgot how to be mad.

“Oh!”

You looked back to see a pair of shining, starry-eyed dark brown orbs.

“You really do love me.”

You blinked at him (what do you say to that?). “Y… Yeah? Woah!”

Turned out horny also beats out romance (?) and now Jungkook was balls deep and you were gasping and beating up the pillows in attempt to get your bearings because, holy fuck, he was insanely hard (scientific term). Your lower torso dropped and you both moaned in unison, satisfaction from the sudden depth, the ache perfectly fulfilled at this angle. Thrust in, push back, overwhelming rush heating up your chest and down your legs, beginning right where you both left off.

Rough, fast, and deep.

Your (and probably his) knees were really feeling it. You didn’t care. (Classic.) The fullness was unbearable and addictive and it made your walls spasm, squeezing around him as your eyelids fluttered, skin prickling hot and heartbeat leaping to your throat. The wave swelled in your chest and pooled down, amplifying the sensation of slapping hips, pitching your moan, you fucking him and him fucking you, a joint effort, the grip on your hips tightening, fuck, he was so strong, not slowing down even in the middle of your orgasm, your mind fizzling to white noise.

And then.

You suddenly realized it was weirdly silent behind you.

You tried not to snort in laughter (being nice, of course) as you realized Jungkook was whining behind his bitten lip, trying desperately not to cum in your crushing fervor. Not that you were going to let up. Absolutely not. In fact, you moaned breathily and reached back with one hand, tugging on the flapping shirt and pulling it over your head, bunching it up. Heard him gasp, but now your hair was all over your face (didn’t think that through, did you). There was no time to correct. You shoved the ball of fabric under your chin and dropped your shoulders, ramming back into his crotch with a wet smack, a vicious bolt of painful pleasure flaring up your inner thighs and spreading over your lungs, knocking the wind out of you.

“Ah, Jungkook!”

Didn’t think that through, did you?

You nearly choked on your own moan (and a mouthful of your own hair), entire body shaking from the force of orgasm bursting within, your inner walls clamping down and hips flinching, carnal pulse radiating throughout your core, breathless, lust-blindness, your ass jerking forward from another powerful thrust, and then Jungkook made a series of noises that could only be described as unholy.

(Wanton moaning, spitting swears, using various higher entities’ names in vain, things like that.)

You basically faceplanted into the t-shirt, vibrating from the high.

Down for the count.

But not out.

You reached back and wrapped your fingers around Jungkook’s balls, firmly squeezing.

He let out a quivering groan of approval, long fingers on your hips tightening, pressing his twitching cock inside you. No intention of leaving. The tension was so electric that you could feel the sparks flying up your belly (or was that your arm falling asleep from this unnatural position, who knows) and you sucked in a ragged breath, not sure what was coming over you but it was so unbelievably arousing that all you could do was smile.

Well.

You couldn’t really breathe since you were mostly face-first into the mattress.

Thankfully, Jungkook had a brain (bless) and sighed contentedly, sliding his hot (read: scorching) hands up your sides and pulling your body up. You let go of his nuts, panting, feeling him slide out, drawing in a tight breath – his skin like fiiiiiiire (don’t sing it) – relaxing as you felt his fingers fan out over your breasts.

This was nice.

He squeezed your breasts and toyed with your nipples, sending pleasing tingles all over.

“My back is getting sweaty,” you chuckled. “You’re burning up.”

“No, you’re hot.”

Whines (his) and a flop onto the bed later (you), and you ended up on your back, catching your breath while looking up at the ceiling. Ah, that was nice. You didn’t think too much about your limbs akimbo. There wasn’t any shame. After all, this was your home and this was your love. Attentive, caring, enthusiastic (about laundry and dishes and fucking especially) love of your life Jeon Jungkook who was definitely not a freak. Nope.

You felt a hand on your knee.

Then you felt your legs being dragged apart even wider.

The slapping sound of hand on dick.

Eh?

You turned your head to see Jungkook masturbating while staring at your pussy, used condom still on the bed. Oi! How was he still going? You were pretty sure he blasted out several nuts worth of cum (and the fullness of that used condom was the visible proof, oop).

“Hey. I’m still here,” you reminded him.

Heavy exhale and brief glance at your tits. “I know,” Jungkook shuddered, voice low and gravelly. “And you’re so fucking beautiful, fuck.”

“I’m not a porn video,” you joked, secretly enjoying how heatedly he was getting himself off to your sexy bits.

“You really need to make some for me,” he replied absentmindedly, reaching out to spread your pussy lips. You flexed them. They made a wet, lewd sound. Obscene. Jungkook moaned and tightened his grip, speeding up, running his finger over your exposed clit. “At least send nudes.”

“I’m physically next to you almost all the time,” you gasped. “Whachu need nudes for?”

This really wasn’t the time for a full-on conversation and soon you both forgot about it, lost in the haze of pleasure. Your eyes slid shut, arms fanned out over the bed, back arching, following that racing feeling. Basking in it. You were sure he was watching and you let him enjoy the show, spreading your legs and letting your hips be guided by his rough fingertip, clenching your jaw at the sensitivity. Almost too much was the perfect amount of pressure, rubbing over your throbbing nerves, aching tension dispersing over your muscles, nearly uncontrollable, so close to the edge, his name in a husky whisper, closer, listening to his breathing shallow, tighten, closer…

Your eyes opened, lids heavy, watching him though lashes and the haze of moans.

Jungkook was gazing back at you, up and down, lust-drunk on your body, his chest flexing, his black hair over his eyes, sweat beading along his temples, shuddering again at your eye contact.

“You… You fuck me up.”

You smiled and was about to say, you too, but then your pent-up orgasm shot up your torso and you hissed at the intensity, your hand flying down and harshly gripping his wrist. Head snapping back, spine arcing, mouth open to an airless moan, fighting to leave your lungs as the powerful continuous flinching overtook your hips, each pulse thundering against his fingertip, your juices seeping out.

Slick painted over your pussy lips clenching around nothing.

Jungkook sucked in his inhale and groaned, cupping his palm around the head of his cock. Heat and tremors and visible lust, the pleasure sinking, sinking, and you heard Jungkook whimper, looking down to see that his hand was turned, his long fingers digging into the soft dip of his balls and roughly massaging them as he came.

You watched.

Glanced up at his face.

Your boyfriend glared back.

“Don’t… say… anything…” he wheezed.

You did not listen.

(No one is surprised.)

“You’re a slutty freak, huh.”

“Oi!” he barked, yanking his hand away from you, and then his face contorted, instantly regretting vacating your pussy. You peeled open your puffy lower lips with two fingers and wiggled your tongue at him. “Hey! Stop that. I’ll–”

Faster than light (and smoother than butter), you shot off the bed as Jungkook threatened you with his cum-covered hand. “I don’t think so!” All these years with Jeon Jungkook and he still looked shocked when you knew exactly what he was thinking. “Get back here!” You did not. You ran to the bathroom instead and proceeded to fight on opposite sides of the door as he tried to get in and you tried to lock it.

“Why are you only strong at times like this?” Jungkook whined as you threw your weight into the door and locked him (and his cum hand) out. “Let me in!”

“No! Not until you wash your hand in the kitchen.”

“I promise not to wipe it on you.”

“I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. Which is not very far.”

“You should!”

“Throw you?”

The whine on the other side pitched. “Open the door…”

You sighed. (Uh oh.) Opened the door. (Duck!) And smacked Jungkook’s wrist as he tried to wipe his dried cum onto you in a bout of maniacal laughter. (You punk!) Naked wrestling match (nice) and some neck chopping infused minutes later, you managed to shove Jungkook’s right hand under the sink faucet and blast water over it, fiercely gripping (and very much enjoying) his forearm to prevent him from being a brat.

And he was laughing, the bubbly sound drifting between you and him, laughing with his left arm around your waist and his face in the crook of your shoulder and neck, his warm breath tickling your skin, pulling your close as you vainly tried to avoid his sweat (failing spectacularly). Asshat.

He sighed, breathless and shivery, nuzzling your jaw with his (big) nose.

“I love you.”

He was a freaking annoying brat but he was your freaking annoying brat and, to be honest, you loved it.

“I love you too. If you splash water on me, I will waterboard you next time we shower together.”

Jungkook pouted and squeezed your boobs with his left hand. Now that was talent.

“Aw, how’d you know…”

You turned the water off.

“Stop playing with my tits.”

“My nutties are sore. It’s the least you can do.”

“You did that to yourself.”

“Nu uh. I’m wholesome.”

(The lie detector test determined that was a lie.)

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you

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justash02 · 1 year

Text

Womanizer; 06

A/n; lemme know if you have feedback! It’s always welcome! So are Requests! Text me! I’m nice:>

Plot; Everyone who knew who Tom Kaulitz was knew that he was girl crazy, he's very well known for having girls around him all the time.

Pairing; Tom Kaulitz x fem reader.

Previous chapter -> next chapter.

Master list

Taglist<3

*^*^*

"I could be a better boyfriend then him."

Tom's POV;

Her lips, her eyes, the way her soft skin felt against my hands... everything about her makes me go crazy.

I've never felt this way before, is this what others mean when they say that they are in love? When I first met her my intention was just to get her in bed.

Because even though I didn't feel like this at first I definitely felt some strong attraction to the girl. But not like this. Not like after I felt how well our lips fitted together.

*^*^*

Y/n's POV

"Ready to go babes?" Clair asked standing in the doorway looking at me working my magic with some makeup. She didn't say anything and went over to sit on Adams bed.

Ray had worked his magic and got us on one of the hottest guest lists at the moment.

"Adams been weird lately, don't you think?" She asked caressing the well made bed, I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. Day in day out the only thing that has been on my mind is Tom.

Magazines have been full of speculation on our relationship, fans on the other hand thought I was Tom's play thing for a while before he got bored of me and went over to next girl.

"Yeah." I said, trying to ignore the burning pain in my ribcage. "But if he wants to be a dick that's his problem." I said trying to keep that mind set.

In reality, it did hurt. Adam and I have known each other for a few years and in that time we've gotten close but lately he spend more and more time away from the house and only comes when it's absolutely.

"I think he's slacking." Clair said, studying my face to find some sort of agreement from me, and she found it.

If me kissing a boy for a music video does this much to him maybe he shouldn't be our leader.

"I think he has feelings for you." She stated, i stood still for a second before closing my lip tint and turned around to look at her.

"Doesn't give him the right to neglect his work, nor ours."

*^*^*

When we arrived at the party we found out it was being held at an gigantic villa, Ben pulled up at the parking space with his Blue Opel Corsa and let us get out.

Clair went over to my door and let me out while I was looking in my bag for my phone, I smiled at her affectionately before grabbing her hand she as holding out and quickly got to my feet.

It didn't take me long to realize that Adam was pulling Ben away with him, rushing inside, probably to not have to talk to me.

He hasn't really talked to me for a last few days and honestly I'm so over his bullshit.

I held out my arm for Clair and she gladly took it, tonight was about the band and making a good appearance, not about Adam and his childish ways.

We soon got inside and the music was blasting loudly over the speakers, people were making out here and there, some were even doing drugs.

"Yo, this is extremely illegal." Clair yelled over the loud music, "Yeah, they probably got it from the Netherlands." I yelled back.

She just nodded and looked around the small part of this gigantic house and spotted all to familiar people.

"Oh good! It's tokio hotel!" She yelled pulling me with her over to the boys, I smacked into a few people but Clair didn't care and kept pulling me with her.

Soon we reached the boys, "Y/n! Clair!" Gustav yelled as he was the first to notice us, walking over to us pulling us in a quick hug, bill quickly looked up at me and walked over to me to give me a long hug.

"How's my best girl?" He asked gently rocking us back and forth, the nickname made me blush a bit but I didn't care.

"I'm really hungry." I said groaning making him laugh, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder before telling me he knew the people hosting this party so he could fix something for me.

Clair was already sitting down with Gustav and Georg so I asked if she would mind if we got some food really quick and she didn't mind.

"Call me if something's wrong ok?" She smiled and nodded before shooing us away, we bursted into laughing before Bill pulled me over to the kitchen.

Soon we got there and the kitchen was bigger then our whole living room, my jaw dropped a bit before studying the room we were in.

"What are you craving?" Bill asked opening up some doors. I walked over to him, pulling his arm up to go under it because damn this dudes tall asf.

He instinctively rested his arm around my shoulder letting me look, "This looks good!" I said grabbing one of the many pizza boxes on the counter opening them up.

I opened it up and it were my favorite toppings so obviously I grabbed a slice from that. "Toms been acting weird lately." He suddenly said.

"Oh?" I questioned looking back at him with a bite of pizza in my mouth, "I don't know, he hasn't had girls over at all lately. It's weird for him."

"Why do you think that is?" I asked, he shrugged before grabbing one of the red cups that were on the counter, "Maybe he has feelings for you."

"Ha, funny joke." I said before bitting into the pizza once more, tasting the greasy goodness. "I'm not joking! Call it twin instinct if you will. I'm calling that he's obsessing over you." He said poring himself a drink.

"Don't get my hopes up." I practically begged as went over to stand next to him, "He would be an idiot if he wouldn't be." He smiled, wrapping an arm around me once again. "Besides i know you like him back."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I laughed nervously making him scoff at me, "It's completely obvious! The way you guys were kissing?" He suggested.

"Fine! I might like him a bit, but I highly doubt he would like me back." I said, leaning into his side.

His scent filled my nose calming me down, he ran his fingers through my hair, "You deserve someone who takes good care of you." He mumbled before gently kissing my forehead.

*^*^*

Taglist; @oh-kurva @ajaxisbae @thatoneweirdweebsimp @erensslutt @mycherry-melody

#cute imagines #x reader #imagines #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x reader #bill haulitz #tokio hotel #tokio hotel x reader #womanizer

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hannibals-favourite-meal · 1 year

Note

Hello 👋 I just wanted to ask if it's ok to request and if it is can I ask for an alpha Jason Todd x Omega chubby female reader smut plz. Also I really enjoyed your Mando and Logan story they were really good.

A World of Colours

Alpha!Jason Todd x omega!reader

Jason thought all the good had been drained from the world, but he has been wrong before

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (reader is on bc), Jason has a slight fear of pregnancy, pull-out method

WC: 1k

Minors DNI

When Jason came back from the dead, he thought that everything good in the world died along with him. Everything was bleak and stuck in an eternal grey, the colour drained from his life. He spent his days training, getting bigger and stronger, determined to never be caught off guard again, even by his own family.

He was distrusting, brutish, violent and a borderline feral alpha. Even his own father was terrified of him (not that he would admit it).

So it was quite the shock when, on a surprise visit to his apartment that totally wasn’t to make sure that Jason was still alive, Dick found the place spotless and with the distinctive scent of an omega soaked into every inch of the small studio.

And even more shocking was his little brother standing in the small kitchenette fucking crooning to the plump woman sitting on the counter as he cooked her breakfast. “Did I have a stroke? Am I stroking out? Does anyone smell toast?” Jason rolled his eyes at his older brother and stepped forward as if to shield you.

“Of course you smell toast Dickhead, I’m making some.” Your laugh carried through through the small space like the ringing of bells and Dick watched as Jason’s posture relaxed and his scent became sweet with absolute love.

It was then that Dick noticed both their states of undress (him being just in boxers and her in a shirt that must have been his) and the potent smell of sex. “I think I’m just gonna go.” He started backing out of the room.

“Yeah how about you do that?” You slapped Jason’s shoulder and hissed a “be nice”. Still thoroughly freaked out, Dick increased his pace.

“Just uh, just remember that B wants everyone at dinner this Friday. Bring your girl.” He slammed the front door behind him, fully convinced he was having a very strange dream.

You watched the entryway for a moment before you were distracted by a soft brush of lips against your neck. “Jay.” A moan slipped from you involuntarily as Jason’s huge hands traveled from laying on the countertop to cupping your wide hips, squeezing the already bruised skin.

“Yes princess?” He mouthed at your sensitive mating gland, applied just enough pressure to the raised skin to make your back arch forward with arousal.

“We just had sex ten minutes ago. Haven’t you had enough?” Offended, he pulled away for just a moment to look into your eyes.

“I could never have enough of you, and right now princess, I’m feeling very greedy.” You yelped when suddenly your ass was hanging off the edge of the counter after Jason tugged you forward. There was a dull thud that you knew was the sound of his boxers hitting the old kitchen tile.

The musky smell of tobacco and hot chocolate filled the air as Jason’s eyes got darker with desire and you felt his hard cock against the soft skin of your plump thighs. He was already throbbing, with beads of pre-cum bathing on the uncut head. Slick pooled between your legs in response, your omega perfectly happy at the progress of this morning so far.

Reaching between you, you grasped him tightly and guided him to your entrance. “Go on then, alpha. Sate your hunger.” His massive paws skirted down your body to settle on the small of your back. The tip of his nose brushed against yours in a loving manner.

“Yes, omega.” He answered dutifully and then slammed forward.

“Alpha!” You mewled. Pleasure shot through you with each roll of his hips. “Feel s’good.” The counter dug into your hips as he thrust into you.

“That’s it, that’s my girl.” Even though your love had fucked you mere minutes before, your pussy still burned with the stretch of his cock. The thick ring of muscle of his knot pressed tingly to your already stuffed hole whenever the head of his cock bashed against your cervix.

As you wrapped yourself around him, Jason buried his face into your neck. He covered his teeth with his lips so he could bite down on the spot that would bind you to him forever without actually leaving his mark. But it resulted in the same outcome: your body jerked forward and forced his growing knot inside of you.

“Fuck princess.” He growled against your heated skin. “Gonna make me cum already like some fucking teenager.” Your nails dug into his muscular back as your orgasm grew and grew, spurred on by the way the tick patch of hair at the base of his pelvis hit your clit with every thrust.

“‘M close.” You gasped between desperate moans. Jason groaned into your ear as his muscles tightened with his own end.

“Go on, cum for me. Cum for your alpha and I’ll give you what you want.”

“Yes yes yes!” You clamped down onto him as ecstasy washed over you in a huge wave of pleasure. Your vision whited out but he continued to thrust, needing his release.

“Fuuuuuck!” Ripping himself away from you, he pulled out of your warmth just in time to spill his hot cum onto your plush belly. “Holy shit.”

The massive man slumped into your arms, all the energy suddenly leaving his body. You just chuckled and ran your fingers through his dark hair. “I thought you were gonna make me your twinkie.” You joked, laying a kiss to his head.

He chuckled into your throat, giving you a playful nip. “Couldn’t remember if you took your birth control this morning. Didn’t want to risk it.” Gently cupping his cheek, you guided him up to meet your eyes.

“Jay,” You cooed while debating on bringing up the subject but then quickly decided against it, “Will you at least finish making me breakfast? I’m absolutely starving.” He kissed your cheek.

“Stay right there princess, I’ll take care of you.”

The world used to be black and white to the feared vigilante but with you, it was a world full of colours and he wanted to share it with you.

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green-thots · 5 months

Text

That Fucking Compression Shirt - Ran Takahashi x Reader

A/N - I’ll be honest this took absolutely forever but my absolute obsession with Ran Takahashi overpowered my writer’s block. Also I’m pissed that Tumblr gets rid of my indents every time I take a story from my docs and I’m too lazy to go back I and add it again.

Warnings - 18+ content, smut, reader is thirsty, lowkey choking, use of “good girl”, brat taming, & edging (if I missed any please tell me)

WC - 2782

I used to hate co-ed practice. The gym would always smell like ass and if it weren’t for the combination of my defense and our libero’s, we never would come close to winning a scrimmage.

But, dating a member of the opposite team makes practice just a bit more fun, especially when he decides to wear that oh-so-slutty compression shirt that he knows drives me crazy.

I’m convinced he only started wearing that to co-ed practice because on our first date, after a few too many drinks, I admitted that I would 100% jump on his dick if he ever wore his practice compression shirt around me ever again.

We’ve been practicing hitting lines for the past fifteen minutes and with the coaches on our ass after the last match, there’s no end in sight. My only saving grace is getting to watch sweaty Ran smack the ball about as hard as I’d like him to smack my ass, but he already knows that.

His shorts are shorter and tighter than usual, allowing me the wonderful view of his quads as he jumps into the air to reach the top of the net. But somehow, my view just gets better. His long sleeves make his biceps look large enough to choke me, which they are, and his abs tight enough to ride. I’ve seen his high school pictures, he definitely grew out of his twink look alike phase.

“I can smell the thirst from here,” Yuji mutters, snapping me out of my trance-like state. He’s standing with his hands on his hips with that self assured smirk on his face.

I turn to him with a glare, “I’m not thirsting over him, he just looks good.”

“Oh, you’re definitely thirsting over him. You’ve been eye-fucking him for practically the entire practice.” Yamauchi chimes in, popping into line behind Yuji and I.

“You two are absolutely insufferable,” I grumble, turning back around to the front of the line.

They both let out a laugh before Yuji spits out, “We’re just simply stating what’s true.” Earning an eye roll from me.

“Alright everybody, we’re switching to digs for a bit,” Coach yells, clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention, “y/n, you’re up first.”

Goddamnit, this woman is going to be the death of me. It’s almost like she knows my head is as far away from volleyball right now as physically possible.

I walk into the middle of the court as Ishikawa is getting ready to spike at me.

Ran just so happens to be directly left of me so I bend a little lower than I normally would for a dig just to give him a better view of the ass he’s left his mark on. I smirk at him and his brows furrow, a dangerous glint in his eyes. To an outsider, he looks pissed, but I know that he’s just worked up and I’m more than happy to let him take his anger out on me once we get home.

Ishikawa approaches, swings, and slams the ball down toward the ground. Ishikawa is good, but I’ve been perfecting my digs for years. Just in time, I get my arms under the ball, popping it up into the setters box. The impact stings like a bitch but you get used to it when you’ve been practicing with Olympic level players for almost two years.

I walk back over next to Ran, Yuji taking his place next for digs.

“Stop being a brat,” he mutters in my ear. He side eyes me with a smirk on his lips.

“But it’s just so much fun watching you get all worked up,” I reply, narrowing my eyes at him. He glares at me, adjusting his shorts. Yeah, I knew you couldn’t resist me.

“You won’t be having this much fun when we get home,” he bites out, careful to not let anyone else hear our conversation.

After a brutal practice, filled with many more lust filled glares from my lovely boyfriend, I’m shaking in anticipation as I take my gear off and get ready to go home.

Ran walks over to my place on the floor, duffle bag in hand, “Let’s get out of here.”

I nod my head, pulling on my crocs and using his outstretched hand to pull me up off the ground.

“We should all go out for sushi,” Ogawa exclaims, murmurs of agreement sounding off around the gym.

Ran begins to pull me toward the gym doors, “we can’t, we already have plans for the night.” Ogawa pouts in disappointment, he’s always been pretty close with Ran.

As Ran and I walk out the door, Yuji shouts loud enough for the entire gym to hear, “try not to leave any visible marks this time!” He really never has any shame, even at the expense of me, his self-titled ‘best friend.’

Ran muffles a snort with his other hand. I throw up a middle finger behind me as I walk out the door.

Yuji knows Ran heavily enjoys marking, since after our last team beach trip, I had forgotten about the copious amount of hickies on my thighs until Yuji started cackling hysterically.

“I’m gonna kill him for that,” I say as we step out of the elevator into the parking garage.

I barely even get a second to kick off my shoes and drop my bag before I’m being slammed up against the wall, Ran’s lips on mine. His kisses are hungry and devouring.

Pulling away from my lips just barely an inch, he mutters, “why do you always make me pop a boner whenever we’re around friends?”

Although it’s most likely a rhetorical question and he’s not really expecting an answer, I tease, “Because I know you’ll punish me as soon as we get home and we both know I enjoy your punishments much more than I hate them.”

He gives me a knowing look then presses his lips back on mine, biting slightly on my lower lip. “You’ve got such a dirty little mouth on you,” he says against my lips.

I smile, playing with the hem of his shirt, starting to ride it up over his stomach. I drag his shirt up slowly. Over the entirety of his abs, up to his chest, and over his shoulders, pulling it over his head and outstretched arms, throwing it somewhere across the room. Usually, he wouldn’t even let me get this far. He would pin my hands to the wall before I could even touch him and stop any seductive plan I had my mind set on.

He moves his hands to fondle my ass through my shorts, his lips traveling down onto the sweet spot where my jaw connects with my neck. I throw my head back and let out a whimper. It’s almost like he knows my body as well as he knows his own.

I run my hands through the roots of his thick waves, tugging slightly when I reach the crown of his head. He lets out a low growl, continuing his assault on my neck that is sure to leave marks but looking up at me in warning.

I know I’m beginning to tug at the ends of the already short leash he’s letting me have, but it’s just so much fun when he gets mad.

“Jump,” he growls, his face still buried in my neck. Not wanting to push my limits, I oblige. I jump and wrap my legs around his waist, his hands still planted firmly on my ass, holding me in place.

He quickly moves us out of the entryway, up the stairs, and into our bedroom without much hassle. He throws me down onto the bed and lurks over me. I think this might just be my favorite version of Ran. His hair fluffy and wild from my hands just moments ago. He’s breathing heavily and his abs are glistening with the still-lingering sweat from practice. And to put the cherry on top, there is a very obvious tent in his pants, as if the gray sweats didn’t already leave more than enough to the imagination. He’s a heavenly sight. I would even go as far to say he’s god-like in my eyes.

He leans down even closer to me and swipes off my shirt and sports bra in one smooth motion. My nipples harden at the sudden rush of cold air from the constant use of the air conditioner.

Softly but so demanding at the same time, Ran puts one large hand around my throat. He doesn’t apply much pressure, but he uses my neck to push me down flat onto the bed, chiming, “You’re so naughty, aren’t ya’ babe?”

I try to nod with what little motion of my head his hand allows. If I wasn’t dripping while staring at him during practice then I sure am now.

He glides the hand around my throat down to fondle my chest, using his other hand to prop himself up over me.

“I know how much you love it when I feel you up,” He purrs, his breath hot over my stomach, “but I don’t think you deserve that.”

“You’re just gonna keep torturing me all night?” I whine, threading my fingers through his hair once again.

“Maybe,” he says, pausing to leave a kiss right above the waistband of my spandex, “I guess that will depend on how good you are for the remainder of the night.”

With the hand he was using on my chest, he pushes my legs apart. He starts to rub my inner thigh, so close enough to where he knows I want him but so far it’s frustrating the hell out of me. I huff in annoyance and he lets out a short, raspy laugh.

“Well I’m very happy my pain brings you amusement,” I snark, pulling his hair enough to make him jolt a bit.

His eyes are glazed when he looks up at me from in between my legs, “Based on the way your pussy is soaking through your shorts, I know you’re enjoying this.”

Okay, maybe he does have a point.

He grasps the waistband of my shorts and panties, letting his fingers brush against my bikini line. I lift my hips up off the bed, giving Ran the chance to tug them off.

“Motherfucker,” he mutters, just barely loud enough for me to hear, “you must be really worked up.” He runs a finger through the slick that has already gathered at my entrance, a devilish smirk on his face. The sadistic side of him enjoys how much he affects me when in reality he is doing so little.

He leans closer and closer until his nose brushes my clit. He licks a painfully slow stripe up my cunt pulling a moan of both pleasure and annoyance from my lips. He hums in response to my noises, his voice vibrating my pussy in the best way. At an almost torturously slow pace, he circles my clit with his tongue.

“Please,” I beg, “just go faster.”

“Only good girls get to feel good,” Ran hums against me, his words barely even register in my head as he slides a long finger inside of me. He takes it slow but finds my g-spot with the tip of his finger almost immediately.

He thrusts his finger into me, slow enough to tease, but fast enough to keep me from complaining. He slips in a second finger and then a third, keeping pace by upping the speed of the circles around my clit.

I arch my hips closer to him, pressing his face harder into my pussy and trying to get his fingers to go as deep as they can.

With all the anticipation from the day and the yearning from not getting the chance to fuck in almost two weeks, I’m already on the edge.

“Oh my- Fuck,” I moan, squeezing my eyes shut, “I think I’m gonna cum.” Immediately, he stops everything. He stands up, pulling his fingers out of me. They’re slick and nearly dripping. He makes a show out of slowly licking them clean, his glazed over eyes staring so deeply that I’m sure at that moment he knew exactly what I was thinking.

“Now why’d you have to go and stop? We were just getting to the fun part,” I pout, throwing my arms over my head. God, being a brat really is my favorite.

He’s stepping out of his sweats and boxers, “Didn’t I tell you that you weren’t going to cum unless you prove you can be good?” Ran shoots back with a hint of humor in his voice. His cock is rock hard, resting against his thigh and the tip is beginning to drip with precum. I just know he must be itching to fuck me into next week right here, right now but he’s holding back all for the sake of teaching me a lesson when we both know I’ll be right back to being a brat within a few days.

He strokes his cock slowly, letting the tip drag up and down my pussy. He uses his other hand to squeeze my thigh, surely leaving bruises that will be hard to cover up during tomorrow’s practice.

“I promise I’ll be good, babe, just please fuck me,” I give him my best puppy dog eyes as I beg. We both know I’m full of shit but Ran takes immense pleasure in watching me beg for just an ounce of pleasure from him.

He lets out a laugh that I truly believe rivals the epitome of happiness and finally slips the tip of his cock into my cunt, “Lucky for you I might cum in my pants if I don’t, but I haven’t decided if you deserve to cum yet.” He’s fucking cruel but I love it.

He slides all seven inches to the hilt, filling me up so good. Although we’ve been fucking like rabbits almost daily since we started dating nearly two years ago, I’ll never get tired of the way he makes me feel so whole. He starts thrusting slowly, his cock head nearly bruising my cervix with every thrust. His hands now rest on my hips, his fingertips digging into my skin, leaving red marks that are sure to turn black and blue eventually.

A mix of my own moans and Ran’s echo around the room as he picks up the speed of his thrusts. His head is thrown back and his eyes are pressed shut. In turn, I’m gazing at the beautiful sight of Ran in pure bliss before me, which enhances my own pleasure tenfold.

“Fuck, y/n,” he moans, his eyes now open and looking down at where our bodies are connected, “god you feel so good.” By now, he’s pounding me so hard I might just struggle to walk in the morning. He has the mix of fast and deep that we both enjoy perfected to the point where I’m at the edge again after only a few minutes.

“I’m gonna cum,” I stutter out, feeling so much pleasure that it takes too much brain power to form just one coherent sentence.

He’s gazing into my eyes now, “I’m nearly there, just wait for me.” If it was even possible to go faster, then he’s picking up his pace to that point, fucking me so fast that my body is vibrating at a frequency that I didn’t even know was possible until now.

“Ran, please, I’ve been so good” I beg, tears in my eyes from pleasure so intense it’s borderline painful. He grunts, his jaw clenched as he reaches to rub my clit with one hand.

“Come on now then, sweets,” he says. I can feel his cock pulsating inside of me telling me that he won’t last much longer either.

With one more thrust, the stimulation becomes too much, pushing me over the edge. I cum with a moan so loud the neighbors two floors down are sure to file a noise complaint again.

Within seconds, Ran is cumming, too, spilling so deeply inside me. He slows to a stop, his cock still buried inside my pussy. His breathing is heavy and the way he’s looking at me can only be described as love in its highest form.

“Maybe you should start being a brat more often if it’s going to result in some of the most mind-blowing sex I’ve ever had,” He jokes, pulling out of me to rest on the bed next to me.

“Well then maybe you should start wearing that compression shirt around me more often if you wanna get lucky.”

#ran takahashi x reader #ran takahashi #yuji nishida #Akihiro yamauchi #smut

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positivegvfthings · 9 months

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Yes Ma'am-SFK

Content warning: Smut (Minors DO NOT Interact), Sub!Sam, pillow princess!Sam, language, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it).

Samuel was a natural flirt, everyone knows this, but tonight you were over it. He had invited you out to this album release party and instead of paying attention to you, he was giving some other woman all of his attention. You were seething in your seat at the bar that Sam left you at. He said he was only going to be away for a couple of minutes so he could talk to the producer but as soon as the producer walked away, some chick was on her way to him hoping to go home with him. You watched as Sam laughed at her jokes and marveled at the way she touched his arm. As the party dwindled down, Sam found his way to your table and rested his hand on your thigh. You brushed his hand off of you and continued your conversation with Josh. Sam tried again to put his hand on your thigh but you turned your body away from him and faced Josh directly.

“I'm getting tired let’s head home babe” Sam stated, pissed off that he couldn’t touch you.

“Let me finish my conversation then we can go.” You replied. Your conversation with Josh continued for another ten minutes before you decided that it was time to head home. You bid everyone a farewell and went out to Sam’s Tesla. “I’ll drive,” you told Sam as you pulled the keys from your clutch. Sam begrudgingly got Into the passenger's seat. You took your sweet time adjusting the seat and the mirrors to your specifications before backing out of the parking lot. Sam put his hand on your thigh again but you moved it off of you.

“Do you think you earned the right to touch me tonight?” You asked. Now that you were in the privacy of your car you flipped the switch to the dominant side that Sam loved.

“No ma’am” Sam sheepishly replied.

“Then why do you keep grabbing my thigh?”

“Because I miss you, I need you,” Sam whined.

“Were you needing me when you shamelessly flirted with all those women at the party? Or were you thinking of getting your dick wet by whore.” Sam didn’t give you a verbal answer, but you watched him shift uncomfortably in the passenger seat. A visible tent growing in his pants. There was palpable sexual tension in the Tesla for the rest of the drive to the apartment you shared. As soon as you pulled into your parking spot. Sam turned to you and awaited your instructions. “Get on the bed and wait for me. Do not touch yourself. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am” Sam replied and scurried off. You waited in the car for a few minutes before deciding to head inside. You quickly walked up the stairs to your flat before taking a calming breath and opening the door to the apartment. In order to let the anticipation build, you set down your things and poured yourself a glass of red wine before slowly making your way to the bedroom. Sam looked absolutely sinful laying fully naked in your bed. You felt yourself getting wetter just looking at him spread out for you. Slowly you made your way from the doorway to the dresser, where you set your wine glass down and began stripping yourself from your dress.

“I was prepared to let you devour me tonight” you stated into the air. “But because you decided to be a brat. I have to punish you.” Once your dress and lingerie hit the floor, you began making your way to the bed Sam was sprawled out on. “Now what should your punishment be?” You asked no one in particular. You pondered the question you asked while you teasingly moved your fingers up and down Sam’s upper body. “How many other women did you flirt with tonight?”

“Two” sam answered desperately.

“That’s how many times I’m going to edge you pretty boy” you explained. “What’s your safe word?”

“Red for stop. Yellow for slow down. Green for good” Sam explained.

“Good boy,” you praised. “What’s your color?”

“Green.” Sam gritted. You moved your hand from his arm down to his dick and gave him a few pumps. Sam let out a loud moan at your action. You slowly began jerking him off, and eventually built up speed until Sam was a moaning mess for you. “C-close” Sam warned you. You pulled your hand away from him. Sam let out a discontent sigh at your action. You gave Sam a few minutes to calm his breathing before wrapping your lips around his dick. You blew him with fervor, working him to the edge quickly. “I’m gonna cum” Sam warned you once again. You pulled yourself away from him, and Sam whined once again.

“Good boy” you praised. Once Sam has calmed down again. You lined his dick up with your entrance. When you were ready, you let yourself relax down onto his dick. “Fuck” Sam moaned out. “You feel so good” after a couple of seconds of letting yourself adjust to him, you began moving up and down on his dick. Sam was once again a moaning mess, and it didn’t take long for either one of you to reach your peak. “Gonna cum” Sam warned you.

“Do it, baby, show me how good you can be.” You granted permission. After a few more movements from you, you felt Sam spilling his seed into you. You reached your peak at the same time as Sam. Once you both came down from your highs, you moved off of Sam and went into the bathroom to use the toilet and to get a wet rag to clean him up with. “Such a good boy” you praised as you began peppering Sam’s chest with loving kisses and cleaning him up.

“Thank you love” Sam tiredly responded. Once you were done cleaning Sam up. You threw the dirty rag into the laundry basket and moved to the dresser to grab yourself a pair of pajamas and Sam a pair of boxers. You helped Sam slip into the boxers before dressing yourself and climbing into bed with him

“I love you,” Sam whispered to you as he laid his head on your chest.

“I love you too Samuel.” You responded as you brought your hand up to Sam’s long hair to play with it. Soon after your praises of love for each other, Sam fell asleep to the rhythmic sounds of your heartbeat. Soon after Sam fell asleep, you did as well.

#sam kiszka smut #greta van fleet imagine #greta van smut #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #sam kiszka x reader #sam gvf #sam kiszka #sam kiszka fic

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jefferson-starkid · 9 months

Text

An incomplete list of things I loved about the RWRB movie

First and foremost he total of TWO (2) lil bicep kisses Henry gives Alex (my hearttt I will never shut up about this)

Their faces when Alex gets cake on Henry’s coat

That whole scene actually. Comedy gold

Zahra straight up attacking Alex with a pillow for being an idiot

Alex looking and acting like a 10 year old petulant child during the whole hospital closet scene lol

Heny’s little voice crack when he says “I didn’t say ‘get me out of here’ I said ‘I need to get out of here’ there is a difference” BABY

on that note you don't wanna know the amount of times I said 'oh baby' to Henry during this movie :(

The eyelashes thing making it in there even though it’s not henry who says it in the movie but idc because Taylor Zakhar Perez your eyelashes sir

Alex actually grabbing Henry’s hips at the party to show him how to dance WE LOVE A BOOK ACCURATE MOMENT

On that note GET LOW

And Henry saying ‘Did he say ‘sweat drops down my balls?’ I hollered I love that moment in the book

Henry’s lost puppy look when Alex kisses the girls

Nick Galitzine managing to perfectly portray Henry’s mannerisms in the first kiss scene ‘Henry’s whole face grimaces in frustration, his eyes casting skyward like they’re searching for help from an uncaring universe.’ Like he did that perfectly

Zahra being the iconic queen she is

“You’ve been wanting him to dick you down forever”

EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RED ROOM:

the Alexander Hamilton portrait good job movie

Alex being nervous and not knowing how to stand when waiting for Henry (ik in the book this detail was after the state dinner in his room, but idc I love that they at least kept it in this way)

SHUT UP STOP TALKING

Henry’s horrified little moment of realization when he sees Alex isn’t actually gonna yell at him for kissing him but he’s actually into this like Nick Galitzine your face sir!!! It’s so soft and sad and adorable arrgghhh

The detail of Alex hitching Henry’s tigh up around him like in the book

Amy’s ‘oh god!’ when she walks in on them

Henry immediately pretending to inspect the book case and Alex randomly playing with the flowers all ‘ACT NATURAL’ lol that made me cackle

Henry’s face as he leaves Alex’s room and lingers in the doorway a bit to just…stare at him UGH

The rich white people sex dungeon scene with the polo and alex just shamelessly thirsting after Henry lol

PARIS

“Who says ‘make love’ anymore? Are we like gonna listen to Lana Del Rey while we do it?” PLEASE

That sex scene was handled with so much care. It was so soft and sensual and they worked their asses off to show their connection and it paid off lemme tell u everyone say ‘thank you intimacy coordinator’

Like I could talk for 45 minutes about that hand shot alone

How small Henry looks lying on his side next to Alex afterwards

FIRST BICEP KISS everyone say thank you whoever wrote that in the script

Henry’s disorientated ‘sgoingon?’ when Zahra wakes them up lol just like the book

EVERYTHING ZAHRA SAYS after she finds Henry in the literal closet

You could feel the ‘Zahra does not appreciate being told to chill’ radiating off of her Sarah Shahi you absolute genius

Their faces when ‘oh and I told my sister!’ :D ‘Oh I didn’t know that!’ :D ‘Yeah she was really happy for us’ ‘I can’t wait to see her again she’s real-‘ “OKAY SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU” lol Zahra is going THROUGH it

‘Would it make any difference if I told you not to see him again?’ ‘No.’ he said that so fast I’m gonna cry

Zahra calling Henry Little Lord Fuckleroy

Ellen at least mentioning the powerpoint even though they didn’t show it

Ellen giving alex the Queer Talk™

On that note ‘the B isn’t silent’ making it in there is so important to me as a bi person

Alex reading One Last Stop

I am NOT singing karao-

Cut to henry singing karaoke

HE DID IT HE SANG DON’T STOP ME NOW and he’s all smiley and real and open and Alex noticing it and falling more in love by the second

On that note Taylor Zakhar Perez your face sir

The lake scene (SECOND BICEP KISS HOLLAA)

On the deck when Henry is slowly realizing what Alex is trying to say (aka ‘I love you) and nick’s face just goes so desperately soft as he starts to understand that this means he’ll have to leave Alex and then his face just slowly closes off like NICK GALITZINEs FACE ACTING don’t talk to meee

That little moment afterwards that Henry spends underwater with his hand on his heart just…ACHING. Ugh someone kill me

Henry is my absolute baby can you tell

David first appearing. A real ‘and everyone cheered’ moment even though the scene is heartbreaking

‘Do you love him?’ ‘What difference would it make if I did?’ and then that sad barely there smile *insert captain Holt ‘PAAAIIINNNNN’ gif here*

“I stormed a fucking castle to look you in the eye and tell you that I love you, knowing that you wouldn’t say it back. So no, Henry, in fact, this is costing me everything.” LORD

”I can love you and want you and still not want that life. I’m allowed, all right? And it doesn’t make me a liar. It makes me a man with some infinitesimal shred of self-preservation, and you don’t get to come here and call me a coward for it” is one of my favourite passages in the book and I am so fucking happy they kept it. Nick slayed that scene

In fact their acting in that whole sequence was amazing

“tell me to go” NOOOO I love that they kept it but it’s so sadddd

The fact that they actually filmed in the V&A

Henry mentioning dreaming of dancing there with a person he loved and Alex wasting zero time putting on a song (cry emoji)

Henry giving Alex his signet ring like in the book, but then them adding that Alex gives Henry his key in return I AM UNWELL

That little montage of cute intimate moments between A&H during Alex’ speech

YAYYYY they kept the Zahra and Shaan subplot

“Yeah I thought you might see it our way, I’ll hold” QUEEN ZAHRA

BABY

BABYYY

And then Henry’s little breathless ‘Alex?’ STOPPPP

I’m serious baby making it into the film had me WEAK I had to pause for a full 30 seconds to scream into my pillow

Running towards each other on the stairs :’)

PLAYING PIANO TOGETHER AAAAAA

“I’m white and upper class so my affection comes with strings” lol at least he's self aware

The hand holding during the meeting with he king

“I love you” “I love you more “ “I think that’s up for debate”

Henry wearing the tie with the yellow roses of Texas :’)

In conclusion was the movie perfect? No! did I still love it? Yes!

#rwrb #rwrb movie #rwrb spoilers #nicholas galitzine #taylor zakhar perez #casey mcquiston #red white and royal blue

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sinfulsalutations · 9 months

Note

Omg Nour happy 500 followers!!! You deserve every single one!!! (Also pls ignore that I accidentally unfollowed you and had to refollow you oops).

Can I please request prompt #13 + Fives for your celebration?

Again, congratulations!! I'm so happy for you! 💜💜💜

➼ ɴᴏᴜʀ'ꜱ 500 ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴄᴇʟᴇʙʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

⋆ ★ ᴛʏꜱᴍ ꜱᴀᴍ!!! ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ☺️ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ꜱᴍᴜᴛᴛʏ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ɪ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ɪɴ, ɴᴊ, 20 ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇꜱ 😆

➼ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ ☆ “ɪ’ᴍ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ᴍᴀʀʀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ”

➼ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ☆ ꜰɪᴠᴇꜱ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ʙʟᴏᴡᴊᴏʙ, ᴄᴜᴍ ꜱᴡᴀʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ, ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ɪᴅᴋ ʜᴏᴡ ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ???? ɪ’ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴀ ᴅᴏᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ???), ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴡʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴜʙ ꜰɪᴠᴇꜱ

➼ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ☆ 553

➼ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

“Shit, baby…” Fives grunts through his teeth. You gaze through your eyelashes, flatten your tongue once, twice over his cock, and his face, already tilted up, ascends to the ceiling with a barely contained groan. “Baby, baby…”

You hum, innocently and sweetly even when your mouth is filled with him. You’re sure he can feel the vibrations of your voice through his whole body with the way his chest rises and falls; a shiver must have run through him at that moment. Fives heaves and finishes his sentence inadvertently.

“...Fuck, you’re so good.”

You pull off slowly, smacking your lips as you disconnect and giggle.

“I am?” You ask, tilting your head slowly.

Fives looks down again, laughing breathlessly. A hand runs over his face, raking back the messy hair that’s obstructing his view of his favorite girl. The twinkle in them is so incredibly heavenly, you want to just take a picture and hang it up for everyone to see, for everyone to admire your beautiful boyfriend.

“Do I really have to say it for you to be satisfied?” He jokes, and you giggle again, taking his still throbbing dick in your hand again. His laugh is interrupted, a weak choke leaving instead, as you run your hand up and down, spreading the slick saliva from your mouth over and over until you let your thumb press to his tip firmly. Fives’ head falls back again. You bite your lip.

“How you’re feeling, hun?”

“Good,” He responds as nonchalantly as he can muster, swallowing harshly. “Fuck, really good. C’mon baby, finish me off now.”

You click your tongue, slowly circling your tongue over his head again, eyes fluttering close the further you focus.

“Think you’re forgetting a word there,” You slur your words, but they still manage to be clear enough for him to understand. He grunts.

“Seriously?” He whines, and you manage to discreetly roll your eyes as his chin is still tilted up high enough for him not to see.

“I won’t make you come until you say it,” You state, firmly pumping his length again.

“F-Fine,” He says, looking down at you again. The twinkle’s been replaced; you know there’s still a raw adoration in there, but now he looks absolutely ravished, incredibly desperate for a release only you can give him. “Please, baby. Please? Make me come. Let me come…”

You smirk, leaning down again and taking his entire cock back in your mouth in one movement. The groan that leaves him is sinfully toe-curling.

As he nears his release fast and hard, you feel him try to pull off you.

“C’mon, y-you don’t have to–” He insists, and you don’t even have to think over his words to know what he’s talking about. In response, you only take him in further and suck.

That does it for him. He’s coming all over your tongue, unable to control himself anymore and you lap it up greedily, swallowing every bit until he’s starving again.

His eyes wide, he grips your hair harshly and brings you up to his lips, shoving his tongue into you, desperate to feel his come in your mouth.

And when you finally push his chest to get him off of you, all he can do is smile.

“I’m gonna marry you just for doing that.”

tags: @starstofillmydream @pb-jellybeans @corrieguards @ladytano420 @jediknightjana @sleepycreativewriter @shinyshayminflower @secondaryrealm @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @dukeoftheblackstar @meshlaxbunny @kimiheartblade @followthepurrgil @wolffegirlsunite @starrylothcat @blueink-bluesoul @aconstructofamind

#nour writes stuff #nour’s 500 follower celebration #the clone wars #the clone wars fanfiction #arc trooper fives #tcw fives #fives x reader #fives clone wars #clone trooper fives #fives x you #tcw #tcw fanfiction #reader insert

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darklydeliciousdesires · 7 months

Text

Lost & Found - Chapter Eighteen.

A huge thank you to everyone for being such a lovely audience :) I appreciate you more than you know.

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen

Words - 3,898

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, Minors DNI. Recounts of kidnap, child trafficking, physical/verbal/sexual abuse.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you more with EZ. It’s a shitty position to be in, though, caught between my girl and my club. Especially the fucking president of the club, a guy I have a lotta respect for. I’m not good with it, though, the fact he scared you.”

Pausing, Guero leaned to her, kissing the side of her neck. “Saying that, though, despite the fact I knew you were scared, you fucking stood your ground. Baby got spicy! Made me real proud.”

“What can I say?” she mused, her eyebrows rising. “I’d had a couple a’ five beers by the time you guys arrived back. Had a little courage bolstering my spice. He came and apologised though, so we’re good.” Her eyes then found an annoyance that had been bothering her for the past hour, lifting her chin. “That over there in the leather shorts, I’m not so good with.”

Guero followed her line of vision, receiving a wave and a smile he only acknowledged with a slight nod. “Yeah, that’s Lauryn. She hasn’t been around much, guessed she came with one of the guys from another charter. She um, she tends to get around.”

Her mouth tightened a fraction, cocking her head a little. “And has she ever gotten around you?”

He shook his head. “Nope, she don’t do it for me.” Sliding his finger along the dip in her dress, he hooked it, pulling her close. “You’re the one who does it for me.” He kissed her with heat, his hands sliding down to grasp her butt, Emma hoping that his display of affection made Lauryn get the message.

She wasn’t the jealous type, and she knew he’d been with plenty of the bike bunnies who hung around the club. She’d asked and he’d told her. For the most part, as soon as those girls saw the guys become committed to one woman, they backed off. Lauryn wasn’t one of them.

“Yup,” Lee burped into her hand, pointing over to where the girl stood with her back to them a short time later. “She made a play for Obispo one time. Fuckin’ cracked her with a pool cue for it. Ain’t got no shame, that one. If she wants a specific dick, doesn’t fuckin’ matter to her if that dick is occupied, she’ll sniff around to see if there’s a chance of swiping it. I don’t do slut shaming, go get your fill is what I say, but not with another woman’s man. That’s low-down behaviour, sick shit, messed up, man.”

Lauryn then turned, lifting her chin. “Yeah, I’m talking about your trashy ass, homegirl!” Draping an arm around Emma’s shoulders, she fixed her with a look of defiance, the girl turning back to whoever she was talking to. “Absolute fuckin’ shit show.”

“She seems it, and I am in no fucking mood to deal with that tonight,” Emma stated, Lee softly applauding.

Guero looked entertained by that statement, his grin wide. “Spicy boo got all the heat tonight!”

“I fucking have, and she can have it if she tries me.”

“Yes, sugar! If she continues making eyes at your guy, you need to get over there and set her straight!” Lee roared, hiccupping.

“Oh god,” a nearby Angel sighed, shaking his head as he walked over. “Tiger is out of the damned cage. First you give my brother a face full of knuckles, and now you’re yelling at everyone.”

“Not everyone, just her,” Lee chirped, bolting back more of her drink.

“Bish is gonna gag you before the night is out.”

Lee grinned widely, giving him a little soft poke in the chest. “Don’t you threaten me with a good time!”

His head shaking continued, wrapping an arm around her. “Nothin’ but fucking trouble when you’re drunk.” As it happened, it wasn’t Lee’s actions that would lead to trouble that night, the girls heading back inside with a few of the guys to congregate at the bar, Emma going to use the bathroom. When she came back out, it was to a sight that displeased the hell out of her.

“Told you, I ain’t interested,” she could just about hear Guero state over the roar of Ace of Spades by Motorhead, Lauryn attempted to drape herself around him. He then looked up, catching her eye, stepping back and nodding in her direction as he took as seat at the bar again. “My girl is right there, you need to fucking quit.”

Her jaw tightened, eyeing her with the kind of venom that she might not have had if she hadn’t been ten beers in. Unfortunately for Lauryn, though, she was, and her give a fuck meter was as unflinching as her anger.

“Oh, man,” Angel spoke, turning to his side to witness her death glare, cringing slightly. “You gonna give us all a hair pulling chick fight? C’mon, it’ll be awesome!”

Reaching behind him, she yanked the knife from his belt before he could stop her. “I’ll fucking give you more than that.” Storming around the bar, Lauryn’s look of defiance was met with a hand to her throat, Emma driving her across the space, men all around turning to look as the object of her rage was pinned against the side of the door.

“Get the fuck off of me!” she yelled, Emma taking the knife and slamming it straight into the wood, an inch from the side of her head. The look of fear that flooded Lauryn’s face was instant.

"Oh, oh did that scare you?" She exclaimed, sarcasm dripping, yanking the knife from the wood and pressing it against her throat. "Yeah, I'm not what you thought I was, am I?"

While Lauryn was being held against the side of the doorframe, almost every single pair of eyes within the club watched it happen, Guero sitting there stunned. Well, stunned and...

"Bro, if this kicks off any further, will you go grab my girl?" he muttered to Bottles.

Tearing his eyes from the scene, he adjusted his glasses, frowning slightly. "Yeah, but why can't you?"

Guero shook his head, the corners of his mouth upturning. "Can't even walk right now. My dick is too hard. Damn, that's hot."

Bottles snorted, almost spraying his beer, Angel leaning in. "No disrespect, dog, but yeah. Mine too."

While the guys had their quiet moment of exalting how arousing the sight of an angered woman was, the angered woman in question continued making sure her feelings were heard.

"Listen to me, if you fucking wave your pussy anywhere near my guy again, I swear I will cut that shitty tattoo right off your face. Am I making myself clear, puttana?"

Lauryn nodded, eyes wide, feeling embarrassment rise in her throat. Still, she swallowed hard and lifted her chin, at least attempting not to look as frightened as she felt at having a sharp knife held to her throat. "Yeah, you are."

Smirking, Emma lowered the blade. "Good, now get the fuck out of here." Giving her a last, disapproving sweep with her eyes, she finally released the hard grasp that had held her throat, Lauryn gasping as she was let go, moving from the clubhouse rapidly.

Walking back to Guero, his eyes still like saucers, she handed an equally stunned Angel his knife back. “Thank you, buddy.” She then picked up a shot of tequila and sank it, her eyes flitting between the guys, all stupefied by her display of mettle. “What?”

“You!” Bottles laughed, reaching to nudge her arm friendlily with a fist. “You and your bad-assery, gone fried up your man’s brain. Look at him! He’s malfunctioned, needs his operating system restarting.”

She was just about to reply when two arms wrapped around her shoulders, a set of lips pressing into her cheek. “That’s how you fuckin’ do it! Bitch got her shit rocked,” Lee exclaimed. “Proud of ya, sunshine.”

Guero was still on mute, but the look in his eyes, oh. It spoke many words, all of which Emma understood very clearly. Sinking the rest of his beer, he also downed a shot before sliding off the bar stool and promptly throwing her over his shoulder.

“Woah, okay!” she giggled, hanging onto the back of his kutte. “Where are we going?”

He chuckled, low and dirty, his hand pounding off her ass in a hard spank. “To restart my operating system.” He carried her with a dark tide of lust shadowing his insides, through the gate and out into the darkness of the yard, through the piles of abandoned, rusting metal, his eyes scanning from side to side.

The still partially shiny metal of a large, double doored fridge caught his attention, carrying her to it. Letting her slide from his shoulder, he pinned her against the structure with his chest before she could reach the ground, her legs tightening around him.

“Damn, baby,” he panted, pulling at his belt buckle, running the tip of his tongue up her neck. “You’re gonna get railed so fucking hard.”

They kissed with furious hunger, Guero feeling a ravenous desire tumbling over his bones, yanking his jeans undone and pushing them down his thighs, pulling her underwear aside and dropping her onto his cock with a rumbling grunt. He teeth imbedded in her lower lip, tongue rolling against hers as he speared her with deep, rapid thrusts, pulverising her insides, her wail rending the air.

He was savage with her, a ravenous delight that tumbled through him and into her, the thick drag of his cock filling and emptying her with absolutely nothing short of carnal fury, the remaining shelves within the fridge all beginning to clatter with the force he fucked her against it with.

“If getting mad at people does this to you, I might have to do it more often,” she panted, crying out as her walls flexed around him, feeling the coil within her tightening. He was just about to tell her how her spicy temper worked like an accelerant upon his desire, when she continued. “Oh, fuck, fuck, that cock is so fucking big! Mmm, yeah, fuck me harder. Fucking split me in two.”

And oh, how he did after hearing those sinfully dirty words. It roared over them both like a forest fire, the flames of their release scorching their nerves, leaving them both panting and trembling in the wake of such torrid ferocity.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she panted, resting her forehead to his as he pulled out and set her back on her feet. “Doubt I’ll be able to walk after that.”

He chuckled, kissing her hotly. “You did say split you in two, my spicy lil’ boo.” She walked as if she had been as well, Guero laughing to himself as they walked back to continue with the debauchery. They left at close to 4am, getting home via a cab since while not wasted, both were a little unsteady at that point. Stripping off, they let their clothes fall into a heap, throwing themselves into bed and curling up.

Alcohol was the strong sleeping tonic that pulled them both into slumber, neither Emma’s hissing nor Guero’s brontosaurus snoring hampering it. It was unfortunate that for the former, her sleep was not restful, though.

She recognised her dream surroundings immediately, the huge, white and oak kitchen, people buzzing around, she and Marie preparing little trays of appetisers for party guests.

“Here, darling. Make sure that plate stays separate, it’s for my ma,” Marie spoke, pointing at the little blue plate she had prepared a selection of gluten free snacks upon. “Unfortunate, isn't it? An Italian who can’t have gluten! Mother Mary, did you ever hear such a thing?”

Emma turned to her side, smiling, her eyes prickling as she played out her role in the dream, exactly as it had happened in life. “You’d be a nightmare if you couldn’t have proper bruschetta, mom.”

Marie nudged her with a soft elbow, chuckling as she sipped her wine. “Me and no bread, can you imagine?”

Even though just a dream, all Emma wanted to do was throw her arms around her, breathe in the scent of her Guerlain perfume, and tell her how much she missed her. Not having any kind of power over it, though, she found herself acting as she had on that night, Rocco’s fiftieth birthday there at the house, picking up the little blue plate.

“I’ll go take these out to her, she’s down by the pool.”

Marie clasped her arm, squeezing softly. “Good girl.”

Lifting the plate from the crowded island full of Marie’s beautiful, home cooked Italian delights, Emma left through the back door, walking down across the patio, smiling at guests as she passed.

“Are these for me?” Anna-Lucia greeted her with warmly, Emma proffering the plate forth.

“Yes, gluten free, just for you.”

Her smile was kind, taking the plate as she set her martini glass down on the table. “Thank you, love.”

With a little nod, Emma carried on, making herself of use by beginning to collect all the abandoned plates so she could go and place them into the dishwasher, knowing that if she didn’t, she could expect an earful of abuse or worse from Rocco. While passing through the lower part of the sprawling garden, she noticed that an earful was exactly what somebody was getting from her captor, her eyes scanning until she saw Rocco with a group of his friends, he and another in a heated exchange.

The man sure had balls, she thought, stepping up to the boss like that, Emma recognising him to be Mario, Rocco’s nephew. The exchange grew in ferociousness, Rocco suddenly lunging at him, clasping his throat and shunting him back against the children’s large, wooden playhouse. He then pulled a knife from his pocket, releasing the blade and plunging it into the wood right at the side of Mario’s head, yanking it out and holding it to his throat.

She awoke with a start.

“Mm, s’up, baby? Nightmare?”

“No,” she sighed, reaching to rub Guero’s forearm, taking a deep breath. “No, it was only a dream, but shit, it spooked me.” It hit her hard, such a realisation, that there within her subconscious lay a memory that her brain had drawn upon earlier in how she’d handled the situation with Lauryn. In wanting to make it clear that she wouldn’t tolerate such behaviour, she’d become the one thing she never wanted to be. Rocco.

Taking a breath, she leaned forward, resting her forehead to her knees. “What I did to Lauryn tonight, I behaved exactly how Rocco did one time towards his nephew. Mother fucking Mary, it was spot on, my brain must’ve drawn it out of a memory, because I just dreamed of the night I saw it happen. Christ, I’m him. I acted like he does when he’s pissed!”

“Mamas, no you ain’t. No way are you anything like that motherfucker.” Her boyfriend’s statement was staunch, Emma reaching for the nightstand lamp and switching it on.

Stretching her arms, she rested her head upon her knees again, hugging them to her chest as he stroked her back. “But what I did was, though! I went straight from his playbook, even called her a puttana, too. He used to call me that. Jesus!”

It was a hard juxtapose for Guero, since he was by nature a person who, had it been a guy sniffing around Emma, likely would have done exactly the same thing. In his world, it was the norm. Hell, he’d heard all about the time Lee had taken a pool cue to Lauryn and smacked her with it so hard it had broken after the third strike against her head. In Emma’s former world too, violence was the natural display of anger, but he saw clearly that she wasn’t comfortable with it being hers.

“Look, it’s hard for me, being a person with a real fucking bad temper and thinking your reaction was justified, but I get that you aren’t so cool with it,” he began, shrugging a little. “I might not be the best person to advise you, bearing that in mind. I dunno, I’d say maybe in future if you feel yourself getting to that point then dial it back, but again, I don’t have the best track record at doing the same.” He paused, moving forward further, resting his chin to her shoulder. “How you acted in one moment isn’t defining of who you are, though. Cuz’ you ain’t him, baby.”

Pulling back from it. What he said made sense, even though he acknowledged it was something often beyond his own capabilities, Emma saw that going forward, she had to try for it not to be out of her own grasp. Perhaps it was the fact that she knew come the following day, she’d be putting herself within his proximity again, maybe it was that which had stirred her, the fear manifesting into the kind of anger she was not used to feeling.

The subconscious was a complicated beast, she realised.

Tiny little storms of worry struck upon her brain as she lay back down, curling into the warmth of Guero’s embrace once more. Still, she was glad that the alcohol in her system acted more powerfully to send her back to sleep than her thoughts did in keeping her awake. Upon waking, she had much more pressing troubles.

“My eyelashes hurt,” she bemoaned, sitting with Lee outside the clubhouse five hours later, both drinking very large, very strong coffees while they waited for their first customer to drop his bike off with them. “I haven’t felt this bad since my thirtieth, when we finished that bottle of mandarin vodka between ourselves.”

Indeed, Emma’s birthday had been a blast, but god, how she and Lee had suffered for it. EZ had found them passed out on top of his trailer, taking a combined effort from him, Guero and Bishop while also wasted to get them down again.

At the mere memory of orange vodka, Lee heaved suddenly, placing her coffee down and rushing back into the clubhouse, passing Bottles as he exited.

“You look remarkably fresh for someone who moved to sambuca at 2am,” she groaned, the bespectacled man beaming.

“I don’t get hangovers.” His statement earned him a scowl. “So, where’s G unit?” he then asked.

“Still asleep. He’ll be down a little later. I take it you didn’t even go home?”

Just then, the clubhouse door opened, revealing a girl with long, bright blue hair and a shaved side, tickling Bottles on the neck with her fingernails, turning to wink at Emma before she sauntered away, swinging her hips seductively.

He pointed with a grin. “Woke up between the pool table and her.”

She immediately thrust her fist forth. “Gimme some knucks!”

“Between that and the funky assed temper, you’re getting just like Lee,” he chuckled, obliging her with a fist bump.

A little prickle sharpened against her gut about the temper comment, thinking to herself that it wasn’t Lee whom she’d resembled last night as she’d wielded Angel’s knife. One thing Guero had told her rang true, though. She was not Rocco, and she had to emphatically remind herself of that.

Smiling, she responded casually. “Eh, I learned from the best.” The best arrived back after a few minutes, looking a little green, taking a seat with a groan.

“Please don’t tell me it’s today we gotta go to Tahoe,” she pleaded, resting her head on Emma’s shoulder. “I can’t cope!”

“No, buddy. Guero booked us for tomorrow, remember?”

“Remember? I don’t remember anything after you pulling a knife on that fuckin’ little tramp,” she groaned, Emma kissing her forehead as she made further noises of discontent, Lee then turning her attention to Bottles. “And why do you look so goddamned spritely? How fuckin’ dare you when I feel like my liver is packing up to leave! It’s outta here, on vacay, leaving me to die a death!”

He pushed his glasses up his nose, still beaming widely. “Got laid better than a roll of linoleum.”

His analogy cracked them up, Lee lighting herself a cigarette, taking a deep breath. “Well, at least you got some. I was too hammered to get a hammering! I’d say I’d never do it again, but I’ll have to be drunk just to sleep next to Gilly. Dude doesn’t snore, he fuckin’ whistles when he’s asleep. I’m surprised he doesn’t wake up every morning to a pack of dogs out on his fuckin’ front lawn.”

Much to Lee’s light chagrin, the only rooms available were doubles, meaning she and the big man had to share a bed. Bishop had made it even worse for her by jokingly telling her she could have a hall pass, mortifying the hell out of her since she looked at Gilly like a younger brother. The two men had nearly split their sides laughing as she’d hid her face in her hands.

“I still don’t know how the hell we’re meant to find out the room Vincent will be staying in when we get there,” Emma sighed, while they chatted about their upcoming visit. “I mean, what, one of us attracts the front desk person while the other tries to get a look at the computer screen?”

“Or you just get somebody with the right set of skills to hack into the hotel’s booking system, and there you have your room number,” Bottles chirped, his face brightening more by the second. “I am that person, in case you two are too hungover for nuance.”

They sat up like a pair of meerkats, very curious over the information presented to them. “I’d completely fuckin’ forgotten that, that you’re a genius with the ole’...” Lee trailed off, making a typing motion with her fingers.

He cocked his head, looking pleased with himself. “I’d say somebody should’ve brought it to me last night prior to you guys booking hotel rooms for longer than necessary, but I was too deep in blue haired babe heaven, and everyone was wasted. Is what it is.” One short trip to fetch his gear later, and the three of them were sitting at the bar, Bottles tapping away.

“Okay, Hyatt Regency,” he muttered, eyes scanning the screen as streams of data moved across it, imputing more numbers and codes. “And enter this here, and... yep... mmhmm... bingo. I’m in.” He began to study the long list of names, Emma going behind the bar and pouring herself a shot of tequila, needing to see if hair of the dog worked. “Got it. Calabrese, room three zero seven.” He then continued to look down the list. “Lombardi, room five four two, just an FYI. Where are your rooms?”

“Ten and thirty-three, so we’re not even on the same floor. Phew.” Emma confirmed, breathing a sigh of relief. They didn’t even need to use the elevator, with them being on the ground floor. Inside though, her worry began to slowly coil around itself, like a viper constricting upon its prey.

Ten months ago, she’d escaped the clutch of the mafia, and now there she was, putting herself right back within their proximity. She just had to hope that the many tentacles of the hydra did not notice her presence, especially not the biggest of them all.

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 28 days

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hi! I want to familiarise myself with John Robins's work, I was wondering if you could recommend a good starting point? the radio show? standup? just thought to ask you, my favourite comedy connoisseur! thanks :)

Oh wow, I thought you’d never ask! By which I mean, when you spend as much time as I do putting completely unsolicited screeds into the internet that I’m pretty sure are of interest only to me, it is rather fun to write one for someone who has specifically said they want to read it. Though I don’t know if you’ll feel the same way by the end of the post, given my penchant for detail and the multiple unnecessary caveats that I’m already planning for this. I will add a cut to spare everyone else the unnecessary detail.

Okay, so. Weird thing about me, given the current state of my blog, I actually disliked John Robins for the first few years that I knew who he was. That is because the first time I saw him was on Mock the Week, where he appeared alongside Sara Pascoe just as their relationship was about to collapse, and he was an absolute dick about it. So definitely don’t start with that. I mean, Sara Pascoe also wasn’t great in that episode, but I already knew and liked her, so I forgave her. I had no such goodwill toward John Robins, and it completely turned me off him for a long time. After that I saw him pop up on other shows once in a blue moon, but found him annoying because I’d already decided I didn’t like him based on Mock the Week. Definitely do not watch him on Mock the Week.

What turned me around was in November 2022, when I came across a copy of The Darkness of Robins, his 2017 stand-up show that won the big Edinburgh award and was made into a Netflix special. I really, really loved it. I remember making a post at the time when I said this is the fastest I’ve ever turned around on any famous person, the biggest swing from disliking them to thinking they’ve made one of my favourite stand-up shows ever.

After that, I did exactly what you’ve done here, which was ask around on Tumblr for where you can go if you’ve just decided you want more John Robins if your life. Because I knew he had a radio show on one station and then another station with that guy who’s (not) married to Isy Suttie, but I also knew those had about 150,000 hours (slightly exaggeration) worth of episodes and obviously no one has time to listen to all that, that would be absolutely ridiculous, what sort of fool would take that on? Obviously I could have just jumped in at the most recent episodes of their radio show, which is something you could do as well if you want, but my brain’s relentlessly completist nature wouldn’t let me do that. I needed something I could watch/hear all of, but have that be under 150,000 hours.

I asked Tumblr about this, and the best recommendation I got was to check out A Robins Amongst the Pigeons. This started as a feature on his radio show in which he read out loud from the autobiography of broadcaster Tony Blackburn, which was meant to be a serious book, but it’s so self-important and unintentionally hilarious that John got quite a few good weeks worth of content from reading out bits to make fun of them (if this seems mean, it helps to know that one of the passages he read said women working outside the home is bad for children, so I don’t feel bad for the guy). Later on, John Robins mentioned that he’d learned the writers of the Alan Partridge autobiography – I, Partridge – had based it partly on Tony Blackburn’s book.

After he finished reading the Blackburn autobiography, John Robins started to write his own autobiography, “in the style of Tony Blackburn”, and read out a chapter each week on the radio. Basically, John Robins is a huge Partridge fan and took the opportunity to write out his own life story the way Alan Partridge would tell that life story, and it’s really, really funny. It’s a good introduction to John because it goes through his life and lets you know what he’s like, and that gives you an idea of what sort of things he’ll say if you get into the rest of his work. And it’s also a good introduction to John because it’s really, really funny. If you listen to that and don’t find it funny, you probably won’t like the rest of his stuff.

Someone on YouTube compiled all the clips of John reading chapters from A Robins Amongst the Pigeons, and put them on YouTube so you can hear the all as one long string:

youtube

I downloaded that YouTube video, converted it to mp3, put it on my phone and listened to it like an audiobook. My biggest recommendation for someone who wants an introduction to John Robins would be that you do the same. He’s also released it as a paperback book, and did a few live performances where he read it out loud to an audience back when he first wrote it (2015), which is good because it’s too funny to have remained just a feature on a weekly radio show.

The next thing I did when getting into John Robins was go to his Bandcamp page, where he’s released three of his old stand-up shows:

They’re his 2013, 2014, and 2015 Edinburgh shows, with the dates listed on Bandcamp all being from a year later because they were recorded on tours the following years. I think they noticeably get better with each year, and his writing and delivery skills improve. Speakeasy is objectively the best one, Where Is My Mind not quite as good but still made me laugh more than a lot of stand-up hours do. This Tornado Loves You is, I think, not quite objectively as good as Speakeasy. But might edge Speakeasy out as my favourite of the three because it hits some things that I subjectively really love in stand-up.

He did a stand-up show in 2019 called Hot Shame, which I'd really really love to hear, but he's said he never recorded a version that was far enough along, with high enough audio quality to publish (though personally, I would happily take a version with shit audio quality and/or early WIP). In 2023, he did a stand-up show called Howl, which he's recently said he has on audio recording and is planning to publish on Bandcamp at some point, but it's not there yet. I am very much looking forward to hearing that one when it come out.

(Disclaimer: This Tornado Loves You has a routine about PMT/PMS where I see what he was trying to do, it’s not just an average “women be crazy on their periods” routine, he says it with an understanding that the victim here is the woman suffering from painful symptoms, and has said similar things at other times. However, I don’t think the stand-up routine does enough of that to make up for the inherent shitty-ness of a cis man making a joke about his girlfriend getting disproportionately emotional on her period, and I just want to clarify that, because I don’t want anyone to listen to that stand-up show, hear that routine, remember that I said that stand-up show is my favourite of all the Bandcamp releases by one of my favourite comedians, and therefore, I must think cis men telling jokes like that is a good idea. I don’t, I think that was a misstep in an otherwise great show.

The reason I add this caveat is because in the last months, I’ve had three different people watch The Darkness of Robins at my recommendation, and all of them came back with the comment… so this thing that you’ve been calling one of your favourite shows ever – did you mean to go so hard on endorsing a show that ends with a really inappropriate amount of sexual detail about Sara Pascoe, a woman whose name the audience knows, and it’s probably not cool for him to be saying that about her in public? Because this has happened before, I feel the need to say, again, in case anyone watching Darkness of Robins as a result of this post: I don’t love the part at the end where he describes sex with a person the audience can identify in an inappropriate amount of detail. When I endorse the show, I do not endorse that. I hope he asked her if it was cool to talk about that on stage before he did so, but I don’t know if he did, and I have a feeling he probably didn’t. Having said that, I recently watched a bunch of Sara Pascoe’s stand-up from across the years, and I hugely enjoyed it because she’s very funny, but I also learned more sexual details than I wanted to know about John Robins from her stand-up, so I would argue that they are, at best, even in terms of inappropriate talking about each other on stage. Also, for anyone who’s reading this but hasn’t seen the show, I’d like to clarify that it’s not like he goes on some misogynistic rant about her, he just describes sex with her in detail that gets a bit graphic for a couple of minutes.

While I’m caveating, I’ll just throw all my disclaimers in together, I did also have someone watch Darkness of Robins and say they were surprised I liked it so much because the stuff near the beginning, where he talks about how his relationship fell apart, feels a bit like the misogynistic stand-up trope of Man Complains About His Girlfriend For Being Less Logical And Rational Than Him. I’d like to say I actually stand by that routine, he’s built quite a bit of his comedy on talking about how he is compulsively and maladaptively meticulous about everything and is therefore more logical than everyone, he spends half his radio show complaining about how Elis James isn’t logical enough and doesn’t put enough thought into planning and organizing and getting everything right, that’s not a gender thing, that’s just his thing. A lot of his comedy is about his obsession with being precise about everything to the point of overthinking that ruins his life, and if you are reading this post in which I’ve just spent three paragraphs adding unnecessary caveats because I get paranoid about anything I say being misinterpreted, you might understand why that appeals to me so much.

Summary: I do not endorse the menstruation routine of 2014 or some of the sex details of 2017, but I do endorse the many parts of his comedy in which he comes off as an exhausting nightmare, that is very much part of the appeal, though it may not appeal to everyone.)

Besides his stand-up, he’s done some guest appearances on TV, radio, and podcasts. I was about to start listing the ones I’ve found, though it’s probably easier to just give you a screenshot of my folders of his audio guest spots:

and TV guest spots:

I've watched/listened to everything in those folders up to October 2018, since I'm currently working through the radio shows and going through all those other things chronologically alongside it, so I haven't seen the things past 2018 and can't speak to what's in them. Technically, it's possible that he became a flat Earther. So there's another disclaimer: any views expressed by John Robins after October 2018, I haven't heard and cannot endorse. But there's definitely some good stuff in the earlier years.

If any of the shows in the above screenshots are one you already like, then tracking down John Robins' episodes of them is probably a good intro to John Robins (or send me a message if you want a link). Except that second Mock the Week one - don't watch that no matter how much you normally like Mock the Week.

Of his guest spots on TV and audio, a lot of the best ones are better if you're already familiar with John from his radio show or at least from his stand-up, but some hold up pretty well even without that context. His Live From The BBC episode is a shortened (half an hour instead of an hour) version of his Speakeasy show, if you want to see a (shortened) video version of that instead of hearing the audio (and if you are a completist like me, it has a bit of material that's not in the Bandcamp version so it's worth watching). His other TV stand-up guest spots are mainly just little repeats of stuff that's in his longer published shows, except the Russell Howard's Good News extra, which has an older routine that's not in his Bandcamp shows.

I'd say his episodes of Alan Davies' show are particularly fun, though warning that there is a story in the episode he did with Russell Howard that's really weird. There's also another story that he either stole from Adam and Joe, or he was the person who sent that story into Adam and Joe, and I fear it was probably the former, but he wouldn't be the first to steal someone else's story on As Yet Untitled.

On the subject of people who steal other people's stories on As Yet Untitled, I found him very very funny on Isy Suttie's podcast, though he was quite drunk and I can imagine a person with less tolerance for drunken shoutiness could find it annoying. He's good value on Pappy's, a lot of fun and usually drunk (pre-2023, at least). He has a nice rapport with Richard Herring. He played a really weird song on Jon Richardson's old radio show. He told us about a sex dream he had on The Horne Section podcast. And he bickered with his girlfriend on Do the Right Thing. I also thought the Robins/James episode of Comedian's Comedian was excellent (Robins and James both did individual ones that were also both good, but the one they did together is one of my favourites out of the 76 episodes of that podcast that I've heard (I almost wrote ~75 there so I could pretend I don't have a spreadsheet to know the exact number, but why pretend that at this point?)), but it gets pretty deep into stuff from their radio show, so probably isn't worth a listen unless you've heard that show.

John Robins also released a book in 2018, called The Holy Vible, co-written with his radio buddy Elis James. I'm currently nearly done listening to the audiobook of that, and to be honest, there's a lot of filler that will be of interest only to someone who's already very, very interested in whatever John and Elis have to say. Which I am, so I'm enjoying the book, but I definitely don't recommend it to anyone who's not already very much into the radio show.

And that brings me to the 150,000 hours of their radio show, since that's pretty much the only place left to go. It was early 2023 when I listened to his Bandcamp stand-up shows, said I love these and I loved Darkness of Robins and I loved A Robins Amongst the Pigeons, I guess the next step would have to be the radio. But I don't have 150,000 hours to spare to listen to all that. So I guess that's as far as I'm going with the Robins fandom. I even made a post in which I said "John Robins is dangerous - not in general, but to me", because I like him so much that at any moment I could slip down the radio rabbit hole, and then I'd lose 150,000 hours of my life. I held out for nearly a year after I wrote that post, but here I am now.

The radio show with John Robins and Elis James started out in February 2014 on the indie music radio station XFM. XFM rebranded as Radio X in 2015, and they continued to make the same show on Radio X until they left in February 2019. In May 2019, they began broadcasting pretty much the same show (I think, haven't heard it yet, he might be a flat Earther) on BBC Five Live. They continued to do that until the end of 2023, and in 2024, they started doing some other thing that I don't understand. They record it as a podcast first (as opposed to live radio that gets edited and released as a podcast, which is what they did from 2014 to 2023), and then highlights from the podcast get broadcast on the radio, and it's released twice a week, also there are videos, I don't know, I haven't got that far in the chronology. I'm still on October 2018.

I can say that the XFM/Radio X episodes they did between February 2014 and October 2018 are fun, engaging, very funny, often interesting, and I think have been worth the several months of my life it's taken me to listen to them. They go up and down, like anything else that's produced that many hours - there have been a few times when I've thought the show was in a bit of a slump and hasn't been that funny for a couple of months, but just as I'm thinking that, they'll pick it up and do a run of like eight great episodes in a row. Overall, in my subjective opinion, they've had far more strong periods than weak ones. They have a great dynamic with each other and with the features. They spend too much time reading out emails but that's going to happen on a radio show. I'm not particularly into their food tasting segments but that's just because food shows don't generally appeal to me, I love their running quiz segments because competitive features do appeal to me. Your mileage may vary. Also, you don't have to do the relentless completist thing that I do. You could just jump in now at the latest episodes of whatever the hell their BBC show is now.

Oh, and he plays golf on YouTube with Alex Horne. I haven't watched that because I dislike golf and I haven't got there in the chronology yet, but I'll probably end up watching it at some point. A lot of people like it and I think it's probably funny, but I haven't seen it myself so I can't speak to that. It's called Bad Golf and you can find it on the internet.

To give a proper shot at answering the original question, which I now feel like was asked 100 years ago: I think the best introduction to John Robins is a Robins Amongst the Pigeons, linked above, that I recommend listening to like an audiobook. I did Darkness of Robins first, but I think the best order for a good introduction would be Robin Amongst the Pigeons first, to get a good overview of what he's like and what you're getting into with him, and you'll get that overview via 100 minutes that you'll either find very entertaining, or you won't and you'll know not to bother with the rest of his stuff.

After that, I'd say, if you have any completist tendencies, or tendencies like mine toward doing things in chronological order because I think everything is better if you have all the context for it first, then I would recommend listening to his Bandcamp shows in order (Where Is My Mind, then This Tornado Loves You, then Speakeasy), and then watching Darkness of Robins. If you're not bothered about that, just skip to Darkness of Robins because it's the best one. If you do all that and are still interested in finding more John Robins content, then I'm afraid you may have to set off on a journey to give up 150,000 hours of your life the way I have.

Well, there might be one other option. There are other clips and clip compilations from their radio shows, and while I personally have difficulty doing anything in clip form if I haven't gone through the full-length version first (Robins Amongst the Pigeons was an exception because that was its own thing, it was a collection of radio clips but they've also been released as their own book), some of those may be fun in isolation. You can flip through this playlist to find some of them (you can CTRL+F the word "complete" on that page to find compilations of their features and running topics):

One time, in a fairly early XFM episode, Elis informed the listeners that someone had written an email to the show that asked what their five favourite albums were, and John had written a reply that was an essay of several thousand words, and then apologized on the radio by saying there was no way this person wanted their inbox taken up by that much rambling. That may be what's happened here, the difference being that I don't have the status of a (then-future) Perrier-winning comedian to justify why anyone wants to read this many of my words. But still, I'm glad you asked.

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