#it’s amazing how being 100% aware that this is The Mental Illness and none of it is real doesn’t help at ALL… | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abysscronica · 2 years

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2/2 By “choosing” this relationship with her kidnapper (haha get it? Kid-napper?) she is able to freely make that decision and effect the situation she’s in and gain a feeling of security in that she is in control of what she wants. By falling for Kid and accepting that he’s fallen for her back she is effectively creating a situation where she knows she holds some sort of power of him. (Again it may not actually be Stockholm syndrome and all of her feelings may be 100% genuine but I just like to look at possibilities from both sides especially in stories where there’s so much up to interpretation)

Oh dear, 😅 I was also going to talk about her relationship with killer and the crew and about how you used the flashbacks to tell the story of her and Aokiji’s relationship, but even though these are just thoughts and ideas spurred on by a rereading of only the first chapter I feel like I’ve rambled on for long enough haha.

(I’m sorry if I’m looking too much into this story and sounding crazy trying to analyze it like this and try and connect dots and make conclusions where there are none, but when I love a piece of media I love to look as deep into it as I can and make theories of why I think things are the way they are even if I know it’s not that deep and I’m just sounding nuts. Over analyzing is how I show love basically haha. This is actually the first fanfic I’ve ever have such layered views about and that I felt like looking into how certain things could be interpreted adds to it as an experience. And it’s also what made me love the kid pirates so thank you for that! So yeah, I’m sorry this went from “hey this is what I liked about your story” to “the way in which you write makes me want to delve into the mindsets of these characters and makes me think of them as very complex multifaceted individuals who’s situation can be viewed by a million different angles and still be amazing” I know you didn’t ask for an essay about a fan fiction of an attractive angry pirate, but I hope you can find some kind of enjoyment or amusement from reading the ramblings of a fan of your work!)

(Also on a final note I’m sorry the text from my last ask was so large I have no idea how that happened 😅 so I hope this is better!)

Here we go!

First of all let me say that there can be more than one interpretation to birdie's behavior and personality, this is the whole reason why I don't always draw clear-cut lines: I love to see what you guys feel about it.

If I may add something to what you've said about birdie and her own perception of control/freedom on the Victoria Punk, let me say that the environment she grew up in plays a role as well.

Being in the Marines for around a decades constricted her actions and way of thinking into the tight ranks of a military organization, so she never had much liberty to begin with. The ways around a Pirate ship are actually much looser.

Then there's the fact that birdie was always ill-suited to follow the strict rules from the Marines and respect her superiors, to the point she was infamous for not always following orders. BUT, because she felt she had chosen that life herself, and because she didn't want to disappoint Aokiji, she always forced herself to wedge in. She limited her own freedom.

On the contrary, as a prisoner of the Kid Pirates, she didn't feel any obligation to them. Sure, she was much more vulnerable and in a very dangerous position. And yet, ironically, she is mentally much freer than she ever was in the Marines. She doesn't feel she owns any respect to the pirates until they earn it, and she doesn't feel she has to follow any rule until they force her.

It's true that, as you said, at times she seems to "forget" her position as a prisoner, but in the back of her mind, she's always acutely aware of it: she uses the very concept against Heat, during the crisis caused by Drake, when he urges her to have food and she asks if he's "forcing her" to eat. And later she almost embraces being a prisoner when Kid puts the bracelet on her to re-establish their roles and put her at ease (that she is not a pirate).

So the thing is, is she really choosing a relationship with her kidnapper, or is she just looking for an excuse not to be the one to choose?

This opens up a Pandora box on how messed up she is, so I better stop here. 🥲

Just one word on the power balance between Kid and birdie. Even here, the lines are blurred, and I'll leave to the readers to decide who holds the most power and when (obviously it's Kid most of the time, the interesting part is guessing if/when it shifts). One thing I can say though: I don't think birdie ever cared for "fixing" the bad guy. She never tries to make Kid a better person, not even with herself (or hardly so). It's just that she occasionally thinks to be immune to the monster, just because she got to experience some more hidden, softer parts of him. And then she's violently reminded that she's not, you already exposed this very well in your own words.

I hope this is interesting for you and I touched all the points you wanted! :D

I'd love to know what you think about the relationship between birdie and Killer, please don't ever limit yourself if you wanna talk to be about stuff!

Thank you again for this exchange, it's fun!

#eustass kid #eustass kid x birdie #captive

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gonzogodzilla · 11 months

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Anyway I'm simultaneously feeling the most mentally stable AND fucked up that I have in a long time. And I know why, the fucked up part is that I'm falling into old destructive patterns to feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Which is why I actually feel SO much more secure and stable, I've channeled the instability into a "controlled" pain.

Now the pain is that comfy old friend ED. She's a bitch. I know exactly what I'm doing and I will not tell anyone, not even my therapist. And I know that's psychotic, I know that's wrong. I'm aware of exactly what I'm doing.

It doesn't help that it started because one of my many glorious mystery chronic illness symptoms lately has been nausea. So I was eating less because of that, and then that empty feeling tickled a part of my brain and here we are. Today I've eaten... well honestly not technically nothing but none of it was a real meal. Mostly coffee and beer (beer has calories, is that a win?).

Its amazing how much more quickly my body reacts to abuse than it did as a teen. I think it's been like a month of this garbage and my hair is already fucked and brittle. I mean I guess I haven't been eating well for a while, it's just taken a severe dip recently. (I have never been good at eating when I live alone).

It's actually fascinating to watch? In like a really fucking morbid way. Do most people who do this shit know it's awful? I'm led to believe they're all in denial. I 100% know it's wrong and bad for me and all of that. I know it's not sustainable. I know it'll end in madness. I know it could very well eventually kill me.

I guess it's like smoking. You do it knowing literally all of the risks, and you just sort of assume it won't happen to you? Or hope. Or I mean maybe you subconsciously DO hope it'll happen to you. Do I really want to live another 40 years? 50? My grandma is 73 this year, I'm 32 this year. Thinking about having that much time left makes me want to be throw up, how the fuck am I supposed to go another 40 fucking years? I'm not even at the half way point? Fuck.

I'm not sure if the people who think life is short are happier than me or if they just don't see it. I have lived 31 years, it's a lifetime. And I have at least that left? Another lifetime? Unbelievable. Fake news. Couldn't be me.

This is rambling and I'm still going to post it and no one is going to read it. And that's fine. I'm not even drunk, for once. I am fully and totally conscious. Is this an autistic thing? Do we just KNOW ourselves so well we can be totally in the midst of... madness and self-destruction and just... choose it? I don't know how else to handle being alive quite frankly. And if SLOWLY killing myself is the answer to not immediately checking out then quite frankly it's an easy choice.

I have no counter. I know it's bad. I know I shouldn't. But I'm going to anyway. Because as bad as it feels, I know it could feel worse. I know it could be just over with no do-over. At least this way there is a chance of coming out the other side. It's harm reduction. It's genuinely the least destructive.

Because honestly I want a cigarette so fucking badly these days. But I know it'll curb my appetite and then I'll not only be starving myself but I'll also be poisoning my body to boot. Somehow this is the better option, and that is genuinely astounding. It's like when my doctor told my mum that he would prefer her smoking actual cigarettes to vaping, because we KNOW the harm cigarettes do but we don't actually know enough about vaping.

I apologize for the block of text to anyone who is still active and follows me. I'm posting it. I'm not deleting it. I want this for my own future reference. I'm sure someday this will be informative? I don't even know know how else to explain it.

There has to be someone as crazy as me out there.

#personal #ED #trigger warning #eating disorders #disordered eating #autism

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hellitwasyoufirstsergeant · 3 years

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Hi everyone! I’m not really sure why I’m posting this here, I suppose because I’m not ready for people I know ‘irl’ to see this, and this is the only account I have anywhere where none of my irl friends follow it. As to why I’m posting this at all, I’m not so sure either. I suppose largely for myself, in the hope that it will exorcise some demons, and partly for other people, because eating disorders just are not discussed enough and perhaps by posting this I can show someone else that they’re not alone.

There may be mistakes in this and it may not all be 100% coherent, I found it hard to write and I didn’t wish to read it back over.

WARNING: The following post contains discussions of eating disorders and mental health issues. Please do not read if this is a trigger for you, and please not not read if you’re only here to pass judgement

Looking back now, it’s so easy to realise why I felt the way I did, and to see my descent into mental illness. At the time, it was confusing as hell. I wasn’t diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and clinical depression until I was 17, although I had been suffering from both for six years already, I just didn’t realise it, because I just didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know there were medical conditions to describe how I felt, perhaps if I did I wouldn’t have felt so alone and so alienated. It wasn’t until last year that I realised I’d suffered from an eating disorder. Before that, I didn’t know that binge eating was an eating disorder.

The words ‘eating disorder’ to me conjured up images of skeletal bodies, of people making themselves sick. I wish that preteen and teen me knew that I was suffering from an actual condition, that other people suffered from too.

I don’t recall specifically the first time I binged on food, but over autumn (fall) of 2011 it became a regular occurrence, a habit. It was my way of coping with the changes in my life - starting a new school, my mum being diagnosed with a clinical illness and an increasingly fractured relationship with my dad - and my feelings of loneliness. I was also self conscious about my body, I was in a more advanced stage of puberty than most of my peers and I was aware of the fact that I was a little overweight. Bingeing became an outlet for feelings that I couldn’t understand, and therefore that I couldn’t process.

It was a process that I repeated regularly for six years. It was like a paradox, the more I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw, the more I binged, the very thing that made me carry on putting on weight. I was overweight, I still am today, but I wish that I could have seen myself the way others saw me - slightly chubby but not the ugly monster I thought myself at the time. I ate my feelings away, it was the only coping mechanism I knew. Even when in some ways my life improved - when I was 14 I finally fell in with a group of friends who were kind and who made me feel accepted - my mental state continued to decline and I continued to eat to cope. I was also feeling confused about my sexuality, something that increased my sense of alienation and otherness. It was often the only thing that got me through the day, the only thing that made life bearable to me.

I never confided the way I felt or my problem with food to anyone during this period. My mum knew that I had issues with food, twice she found hidden stashes in my bedroom. She has been a good parent to me, but I so wish she’d handled it differently. She made me feel ashamed, something that made me more determined to hide my problem and therefore to not confront it. I think perhaps that she would’ve been a lot more understanding had she known the feelings behind the problem, but I didn’t know how to go about telling her.

I can’t remember how old I was exactly when I shoplifted food for the first time, I think around 14. The £10 a week pocket money was no longer enough to fund my problem, even though I always chose the cheapest food so that I could buy as much as possible. I shoplifted semi regularly from the local supermarkets for around 18 months, I still don’t know how I was never caught.

In September 2016, I started sixth form college. It was a fresh start that I so badly needed, my five years at secondary school having been so unhappy. It was hard to begin with, only my oldest friend went to the same college as me and old feelings of loneliness resurfaced. A part of me had hoped that the change of school would allow me to leave my bingeing habit behind, but it wasn’t to be. Even when I settled in and began making friends, I continued bingeing.

New friends at college told me of their mental health issues, and I finally felt understood - there were other people who felt the way I did, other people who wanted to die. These feelings may not be normal, but I’m not alone anymore. Despite feeling accepted properly for the first time in my life, I continued to eat. Perhaps it was the stress of A levels (my fellow Brits know how fucking hard these are), or my mum’s decline in health, or my increasingly worsening relationship with my dad.

In May/June time of 2017, my oldest friend, Imogen, who was one of a few friends now aware of my poor mental state, told me that I should go to the doctor. After a little persuading, I agreed. She came with me, but the appointment achieved nothing. I tried a few more GPs at my local surgery and eventually found one who made me feel listened to, and who was kind and sympathetic. I don’t recall the exact time I was diagnosed (to be honest this period in my life is a bit of a blur), but after some months I was finally diagnosed with GAD and clinical depression. I still continued to stay silent about my problem with food.

Ironically, it was actually the further decline of my mental state that allowed me to break my old habit. My mental health had declined fairly slowly over the past few years, but the decline accelerated over autumn and winter of 2017. I don’t know if there was a trigger behind that, I guess mental health doesn’t need a reason. I didn’t know how to deal with the way I felt, I lashed out and fell out with Imogen, which hit me hard. We didn’t talk at all for three months. Before this period, I had often thought that things would be so much easier if I was dead, but my thoughts had never progressed beyond that. Now, it became more active. I actually wanted to die. I stopped looking when I crossed the road, I stopped looking after my physical health at all. Fears about hurting my mum were the only thing stopping me from taking it further. But, I finally stopped binge eating, so disinterested in life that even the that no longer made me feel better.

My mental state didn’t take a turn for the better, but I grew used to these new feelings and started to process them properly. I got better at pushing them out, but I did eventually decide to tell my parents about my diagnoses. My mum was very supportive, she still is, my dad not so (although I probably should’ve expected that). I made up with Imogen, my behaviour started to normalise. I felt so free from my old bingeing habit, it had only been a few months but it felt like a lifetime ago.

In February 2018, my mum told me that she’d be moving to Yorkshire. She’d been forced by her job to take early retirement due to ill health, she was only 50 at the time, and wanted to live somewhere cheaper so she could save on living costs and pay off her mortgage. I was scared, and considered for a time moving in with my grandparents so that I could stay in a place where I knew people, but eventually decided that I’d move with my mum. Still, despite the biggest change ever to happen in my life, I managed to avoid a return to my binge eating habit. I’m still not sure how. Perhaps now that the habit was broken it no longer had the hold over me that it once did.

And then, around March 2018, my dad gave me £500. To this day I still have no idea why, I guess guilt. But it was so much more money than I’d ever had. The temptation not to spend any of it on food was too great. I decided to treat myself, I’d spend £100 on food and put the rest in my savings.

By the time I finished college at the beginning of June, the entire £500 was gone, at least £450 of it spent on food. I still remember the binge I had the day after me and mum moved out of our old home and in with my grandparents, who we lived with for seven weeks before going to Yorkshire. My mental state declined still further, and I wasted most of those weeks in bed, not having the energy to do anything. I kicked myself later for not using it to spend time with the friends I was leaving behind.

After we moved to Yorkshire in August, I spent two of the worst months of my life. My old feelings of loneliness resurfaced, not helped by the fact that one of my closest friends just stopped talking to me. I seemed to alternate between binge eating, my binges even bigger than they ever had been, and hardly eating at all.

But, eventually, I managed to settle in. I got a job, I made new friends. I didn’t make a conscious decision to stop binge eating again, it just happened. I wasn’t lonely anymore, but my mental state didn’t seem to get any better. But, I had healthier ways of coping and I didn’t need to binge as an outlet for my feelings anymore. In September 2019, I started uni, and I finally felt like my life had a purpose.

Now, I have more and better friends than I ever had. I’m glad I made the move to Yorkshire, where I live now is much nicer where I grew up and if I hadn’t made the move there are so many amazing people I wouldn’t have met. Most of my friends are aware of my mental health issues, although I rarely discuss them in detail.

However, only one of my friends is aware of my eating disorder. I didn’t realise until last year that binge eating was classified as an eating disorder. I’m not quite sure why, but this discovery prompted me to finally confide in my oldest friend, Imogen. She was very supportive and understanding, and I know my other friends would be, but it’s still something where I look back and I’m like ‘woah that actually happened’. Putting it out of my mind as much as possible has been my way of coping with the fact that it did happen. I have been slightly more open online that I have irl about the fact that I had an eating disorder, but this is the first time I have discussed it this in depth with anyone.

I’m going to say now what I wish preteen and teen me had known: you are not alone. Whether you’re suffering from an eating disorder, from mental health issues, or from something else, you are not alone. I can’t say truthfully that I have never regretted confiding in someone, but the majority of the time it has helped me, even in a small way. Please talk to someone if you have an eating disorder, be it a friend, a family member, a GP, a teacher, even me. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

I stopped binge eating as a regular habit at the start of winter 2018. Although I relapsed a couple times last year, it’s been twelve months and counting since my last binge.

#shut up ange #please everyone remember that no matter what you’re going through #you are not alone #find later

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somedrunkpirate · 3 years

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AO3 Writing Tag

Name(s): Somedrunkpirate Fandom(s): The man from uncle, The Witcher, Good Omens, Inception, Where you post: Ao3 Tagged by @iamanonniemouse Tagging: @theheirofashandfire (good luck lmao)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos):

This year: A Lover’s Lament, The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, M, 25k

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier had never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

Of all time: Drowning Deep, TMFU (pacific rim au), Illya/Napoleon, M, 101k,

Don’t follow the rabbit. He knows this. Don’t fall into the rabbit hole of memories. You’ll drown.

But Illya lives there, deep in the past, it’s the only way he gets through the day.

Favorite story you’ve written so far:

This year: The Golden Ocean, TMFU, Napoleon/Illya, 85k This story taught me to write for myself in the best and worst way. It is so hard to keep writing a prequel if it doesn’t receive a similar amount of feedback as the initial story. But I worked through it and got it done, for myself and my beta who supported me all throughout. And in the end, it’s probably my most original story I’ve written.

Of all time: A Lover’s Lament, The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, M, 25k I think this story really shows how I’ve learned to become a better writer over the last couple of years. It’s densely packed with original lore, worldbuilding, fun character interactions and has a plot that reveals more about the characters on a second read. It also has an original female character that I feel is my first 100% successful 3d side-character who has a whole story of her own outside of the main ship plot. Honorable mention: Cold Frost and Sunshine, TMFU, Napoleon/Illya, 50k What initially started as purposefully the most trophy thing I’ve ever written (it’s a Hockey AU, for crying out loud), turned into an actual honest exploration of therapy and recovering from mental illness. I still get the occasional comment on it from people who said that the mental health parts really spoke to them, or that they even showed passages to Real Actual Therapists because it verbalized what they were feeling. This is the fic I always return to when I feel like my writing is worthless. Even the fic that I intended to have no deep value from the start, ended up being meaningful to people. It helps to remember that.

Fic you were nervous to post:

You’re a dream, darling, is a story where the main character experiences intense dissociation and believes his reality is a dream. I am very aware that this is an actual thing that people experience, and I wanted to make sure I was careful and respectful when handling the topic. I based the story on what I had researched and what I experienced once myself while having a bad reaction to medication + being high (really be careful with weed and adhd meds folks). I was so nervous to post it, and worried that I hadn’t trigger warned it clearly enough or something. But in the end I’ve received a lot of positive feedback from people who experience dissociation, and that meant the world to me!

How do you choose your titles?

Nine times out of ten the title is just kind of There, sometimes before I write it even. If not, I usually take inspiration from a line somewhere in the fic. Only once I needed to consult the poetry gods.

Do you outline?

Does daydreaming the story a bunch count as outlining? I usually have some vague ideas about upcoming scenes and possible endings, but for my larger fics those ideas get thrown out and I flail around for something else. I think Lover’s is so succinct because I had most of it already in my head when starting, whereas with Drowning Deep I had no clue what had actually happened to break the characters apart until like chapter three. So I guess it depends on the fic and whether I have to due to a big bang sign up or something.

Complete

51 fics (556k). This year: 9 (180k)

In-Progress:

The Angel of Greenwich: A good omens detective story set in the 1920′s, 22k. In The Dark We Travel: Geraskier (the witcher) sci fi au, 28k. They’re both on a hiatus because pandemic times are fucking with me, but I’m chipping away at them and could use the encouragement. Coming Soon/Not Yet Started:

Tragic Superbat alternate universe shenanigans: Clark gets switched with Alternate Universe Clark, who has been in a relationship with Bruce for years. Bruce falls in love with AU-Clark while also trying to get his Clark back (who he is convinced still hates him).

Amnesia Jaskier with magical powers: Jaskier gets kidnapped and made into a powerful sorcerer, but the process removes all his memories. Geralt finds him completely dependent on the same mage that kidnapped him, and has to convince him that 1) Geralt is his friend and 2) Jaskier is not a dangerous monster, as the mage has convinced him. Very tragic all around.

Original femslash idea, Stern Orc Woman with golden heart and ADHD Monk. Can only end in chaos.

The Bullington Club: an original idea of a group of idiot lords looking for treasure and taking their longsuffering servants/guards with them on the ride. Aka that thing that completely got out of hand brainstorming with @theheirofashandfire

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clownbeep · 5 years

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This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

#trigger warning #triggering #may be triggering #vent #emotional neglect #emotional abuse #suicide #suicide trigger #gore warning #memory problems #ramble #rambles

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mystickittenfart · 4 years

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Gaming is healthy!

There is a bunch of debate on whether games are good or bad for individuals with mental health problems. Here's my review on how they can improve an individual's mental state or help them cope with a more permanent mental disability like autism as well as act as a coping mechanism in life for those who feel like they're stuck in an unforgiving world.

Gaming and Autism.

1 in 100 children are diagnosed with autism in the UK. Autistic children are twice as likely to be bullied in primary school than "normal" children. This can make it extremely difficult to develop those emotional and social skills which will have already been seen as difficult since many autistic individuals have difficulty sensing people's emotions and feeling their own. These children will not have the chance to learn to share and be empathetic in the future.

Autistic children can also find it difficult online when playing video games. They can have trouble getting their points across when they communicate, resulting in backlash and bullying online for being different even though we should be teaching children that being unique is an amazing thing because who wants to be a bully or a judgemental being in the world? Now, this isn't me saying that online games are unhealthy or unsafe for children. I'm saying that it is the society and the people within the game which makes it more toxic for individuals. To solve this, online games can be carefully monitored to prevent this, however, this is difficult for games which have thousands of people playing at once.

There are online (and offline) games which provide a peaceful environment for people to game safely and happily without being told they are worthless. After some research, I found a little server containing 1,200 unique players each month called Autcraft. Autcraft is a Minecraft server for autistic individuals as well as containing the parents of some autistic children too. Minecraft has come so far since 2009 and there are now roughly 235,089 online servers for Minecraft servers to enjoy. Autcraft is a server made specifically for individuals with autism and welcomes all with the disability no matter their age as well. Autcraft supplies people with a safe place to learn, socialise and play without the fear of bullying. With over 8,000 players, the founder and his team strive to treat each person not equally, but individually and appropriately according to their specific needs. This server supports and encourages to be creative, imaginative and kind. They also deal with bad behaviour by talking to the individual about the possible factors that led to their behaviour, for instance, where they bullied today or did they fail a test? Say a child swore on the server because he was bullied at school and was upset, the staff would then help them build on this and provide other ways to release the sadness and anger in a more peaceful and non-threatening way.

So round of applause to Minecraft (and Autcraft) for providing a space to learn and have fun!

Gaming and depression.

Many depressed individuals are reluctant to seek help from a councillor or therapist. There are several reasons why they may think this from seeing a therapist who has to help because it's their job rather than wanting to help to being afraid that you're going to say something wrong which ends with you being chucked in an abandoned asylum because they think you're a loony. This is where games can be seen as beneficial. An individual can log into any therapeutic game they like and be alone in a more peaceful digital environment.

Now, there are some worrying factors, for instance, playing a single-player game constantly and consistently means no social contact with others which can be harmful. There is also the society in multi-player games. It can seem easy to become a sufferer of bullying. It can provoke depression and make games more lonely. Shooting games can make people feel as though they have power and this can easily get to a persons head, resulting in the individual trying to replicate that same power in the real world. This isn't me saying that shooting games like Call of Duty are dangerous to our society and that everyone who plays it is dangerous. This is me explaining that someone with a fragile mind or an individual who is maybe violent or holds great anger to some individuals could play these violent games and try to replicate the power they have in the game in the real world. This could make the individual a danger to themselves and others.

It's important to know that while certain videogames aren't suitable for the fragile mind, a lot of other games are made to help people cope with mental illnesses. Games such as SPARX, which is a fantasy game where you shoot enemies which present themselves as negative thoughts, helps to train your brain to dismiss or shoot and kill these negative thoughts subconsciously like in the game- you see a bad guy, you shoot them.

There are other games designed to calm and relax individuals. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), 3 out of 4 people who suffer from depression do not receive the treatment that they need. How many seek solitude from games. How many are letting themselves suffer quietly? Gaming can help create awareness of mental health issues. They reach so many people and it would be easy to add a small section into the game, even at the end or in the credits, maybe on their webpage even, stating something simple and kind to either make a persons day or to nudge someone into getting the therapy they need.

Gaming and Anxiety.

Anxiety UK has found that around 3 million people in the UK suffer from depression and another 3 million suffer from anxiety. Of that 6 million only 25% are treated for their mental health problem. How do I think games fit into all of this? Games. Videogames are now being specifically made to help calm individuals with anxiety.m Recommended games are Abzu, Journey, Actual Sunlight, SPARX and many more. Games like these provide a beautiful, calming atmosphere where you can relax and ease your nerves. Journey and Abzu are mesmerisingly illustrated and captivating to look. The visuals in the trailer are amazing and I'm told the trailer doesn't do the game justice, meaning it only gets better!

Kinetic Sym is a game in which you navigate the protagonist through stressful situations which provoke anxiety, essentially teaching you how to stay calm during stressful situations. This game also gives you a feeling of control which can be important to someone who usually feels that they have none.

I believe certain games can help with mental illnesses, not all games are suitable but many are. It's about looking for what's safe for you. I also suggest going to therapy if you think you need it. Therapists are therapists because they chose to be. They wanted to help people and that is why they are there. They didn't draw the short straw by being assigned to you. The therapist you are presented with is the individuals that they think is the most skilled and best qualified to help you.

The games that have been mentioned throughout this report also are restricted to those with anxiety, depression or autism (except Autcraft) so feel free to check them out yourselves when you feel stressed or just feel like enjoying a game!

I'd also like to say that if you are a parent and you are worried about your child, talk to them nicely about it. Telling your child off for doing something they like will only make them feel ashamed of their interests. Going outside and seeing friends is the same as staying inside and playing games with friends. They may just be an introvert and prefer having peace and quiet and their own company. Try encouraging them to play healthy, games such as Abzu which promotes calmness in the mind. Games can benefit anyone. Play games if they make you happy, stop when they start to make you mad.

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swordstrider · 5 years

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Epilogue Thoughts

Well, throughout the clusterfuck of meme reblogs, it’s finally time for me to pull up a velvet cushioned chair and discuss the “tales of dubious authenticity”. As such, there will naturally be spoilers pertaining to both the meat and candy routes, although I’ll focus more on meat, since I actually read a hell of a lot more there than I did with candy. Continue under the cut if you wish.

Since it’s the shortest possible spiel I have to offer, I’ll get the candy route out of the way first. My read-through of the epilogues began with this one, although I only lasted through eight chapters before promptly giving up. The reason for this, is, well... The candy route is just a mess, as it is 100% likely supposed to be. What I had expected from it was what some in the fandom have naturally ascribed to Homestuck’s candy metaphor; Fluff, romance, friendship, happiness, low plot, and so on.

However, it’s clear to me that candy itself extends into something more... sour, if you will, and I suppose it should have been blatant from the get-go, what with trickster mode being apparent in the comic. I only have remnants of memories from those few chapters, as well as commentary from fans which I took into account, and it’s naturally fucking insane. I don’t think I necessarily have to prattle too long on the matter, but, wow. It really does seem like the next edition of trickster mode, and that’s just too far for me, for various reasons. Although I didn’t spend much time preoccupied with the candy route, I’m essentially summarizing it as maximum craziness to a very disturbing degree, and as such, I’m not going to involve myself any further with it. As far as I’m concerned, it never “really” happened from my own point of view, despite it being an option likely disposed to... some potentially canon element to it? I don’t even know anymore. All I can truly attribute to this particular route is a metaphorical, sugarcoated mess on my lawn that I never really wanted in the first place, let alone anticipated.

Moving on to the meat route, there’s naturally a fucking lot that I can talk about here. I suppose you could say... this one will be the real meat of this post. Haha, funny.

Anyway, as you may have guessed, I continued onward with this route a bit after clawing my way through barely eight chapters of the candy route. I did it this way since, if I remember correctly, this particular order was recommended by V, or someone else involved with the production of the epilogues. I think such an order was... an okay choice? I didn’t feel particularly affected by it in hindsight, but I feel as though the upgraded prose and general non-wackiness made me feel somewhat better after the sinister experience of the candy route.

I’ll progress by listing the things that I enjoyed or liked about the meat route first.

1) As I mentioned before, I’m quite sure the prose and convoluted narrative were toned up quite a lot here, along with being linear and not feeling like a mess beyond rectifying. It’s more comprehensible, in spite of about forty six chapters worth of content and so many details to catch on to. There seems to be some sort of purpose within this route, rather than the capricious nature of its complement, which is something I can respect. It still feels sort of unstable, since there’s just so much shit to grasp, but I guess I’ll let that one slide.

2) Just like Homestuck was about honesty when inspecting the struggles, conflicts, and inner workings of teenagers, I feel as though the meat route did nicely in continuing that pattern. The characters clearly still continue having conflict through their adult years, and this is especially shown throughout Terezi and John, as well as the drifting relationship of Rose and Roxy, and the isolated state that Rose and Kanaya were in with each other; Likely being so entangled with their relationship that they distanced from others slowly, yet surely. I have no experience in the range of my early twenties yet, but I have heard other people comment that this captures the particular stage well. I feel like it does, too, since individuals can naturally go through general conflicts such as distance/isolation, mental illnesses, physical or emotional ailments, and so on during any stage of their life, whether it be as a young child, a teenager, or an adult. The depictions of John’s depression felt very, very realistic, and, on a more personable level for me, relatable. The numbing of emotions, the isolation from others, his self loathing, all just... very much captured what depression is really like, in a sense. Not everyone’s experience with depression is the same, but this felt very... close to me. It feels like the first time I’ve ever seen a character depicted with such an authentic struggle with depression, and even a character with such a genuine, visible struggle as a whole. I can’t put into words how reality-based this felt. The sheer fact that even in the epilogues, the honesty that life is difficult and filled with conflict is an amazing expansion to Homestuck’s already in-depth examination of such a thing itself.

3) The relationships are yet another point I’d like to make here, particularly Dave/Karkat and John/Terezi. Dave and Karkat still have this romantic bond, even if they were cagey when admitting it for a bit. They still love each other just as much, joke around with each other, support each other, feel good with each other, understand each other, and are happy with each other. That’s a lot of fucking “each other”s, but I’ll be damned if I can’t get the point across. It’s made very clear cut that they’re still very much in love, even in spite of growing political tensions and other conflicts. As for John and Terezi, it’s shown that they have this very unique bond that no other characters quite have with each other. Sure, they joke around and poke fun at each other, but most of all, they have this deep, innate connection in sort of relating to each other, in a way. They both had experiences with numbness, sadness, depression, and their own forms of trauma, and they were able to discuss some of this with each other on a very vulnerable level during that time. They discussed things that were important to them. Their relationship is also another thing that feels very authentic; Two young adults emotionally supporting each other and just having hope that the other has their back, especially in such trying, traumatic times. This particular bond was so strong that it even went into a romantic area, which also feels realistic, because couples supporting each other, especially under such dismal circumstances, is really fucking important. Although their former forms of communication were essentially two people having fun with each other and just fucking around with each other, this showed us that John and Terezi can reach such a wonderfully vulnerable point, to the area that they just connect so much that they’re in love with each other, whether it be redrom or blackrom.

4) As for the closing positive note on the meat route, I loved alternate Calliope’s role in this. She takes on this role that is to be expected of a fully fledged Muse of Space, what with taking command over the story in lieu of Dirk, at some points. She’s become a true conductor yet again, and she’s putting one of her sole hobbies, storytelling, to work just like before, although in a more expansive way. I think it was quite creative, having her narrate many areas of the story and involving herself in efforts to protect others as much as she could.

And now, I come to the areas in the meat route that I didn’t particularly enjoy or like.

1) For starters, I do really dislike this whole “horny Jade” concept that’s enacted in this route. I realize this is because of her dog hormones, but I find it... very perturbing and disgusting that she’s forcing herself in the midst of Dave and Karkat’s relationship, likely just wanting it to deteriorate so they can provide her with... services, and such. It’s especially horrid when you consider how uncomfortable Dave and Karkat respectively seem to be when she brings such awkward topics up. They stutter, flee, and whatnot, yet she still continues, as if none of it is a blatant warning sign. I don’t really know how hormones or even dog hormones work, but... I’d appreciate a sense of social awareness for her if possible, at least down the road. It feels... off of Jade to be doing such a thing, when, even if not the most selfless of people, she is generally quite courteous and respectful of others and their boundaries. Perhaps the hormones are the cause of her seemingly nonexistent cognizance of their discomfort around her during these times, but it still... unsettles me. I suppose we’ll have to find out later, if they happen to expand upon the topic.

2) Then, there’s my... sort of antithesis to my second positive, if you will. While I did particularly enjoy the realism that this route had to offer, it feels a little too unhappy, dismal, hopeless, what have you with your dejected adjectives and the like. Certainly there are some good things, such as Dave/Karkat and John/Terezi bonds, but I feel as though, at this point, the negative state of the meat route’s narrative outweighs the positives greatly. Jane is likely a new threat to Earth C’s society, seeing as she’s this Condesce-inspired fascist and a xenophobe now in office with likely unwell schemes of her own, John is very likely dead for good and died on a very depressing note due to his mental state, Dirk is in his Ultimate Self mode and seems to have quite the advantage at the moment along with Rose as his hostage, Terezi is still depressed and conflicted, Dave and Karkat wallowed in losing the election by nearly consuming alcohol, but also by going back to their typical shut-in lives, nobody knows about John and never seemed to have supported him, aided him, or cared for him much at all in the beginning and the end, Davepetasprite^2 died, and... overall, everything is looking extremely grim. Not to say that I don’t invite conflicts, challenges, and the like to be apparent in media that I like, but it feels... empty. Hopeless. Like nothing is left, nothing is redeemable. It just felt... Too depressing, too poignant, and angsty for me. Naturally, nobody is going to resolve issues such as these overnight, and not everyone or everything in a story will necessarily be happy and perfect in the end, but this feels like such an overdrive to me. Especially since I’m going through a very troubling time in my life at the moment, it makes me feel bitter; Like none of this can be ameliorated whatsoever, and the story is doomed to be depressing and dismal forever. I simply hope it will end on a slightly better note than this in finality, even though not every single problem will be solved right away, and isn’t bound to be solved in the end. I just want some sort of hope for all of these characters.

3) I’m not sure I’d consider this a negative due to reformed views I’ve had from other posts, but... Man. Dirk, y’know? I’ll include my original thoughts and post-reform thoughts here anyway. Initially, I thought this particular Dirk was extremely OOC; Only inserted into the narrative just for last minute villain perks, or some shit like that. It felt like such a shell of Dirk’s former self in the sense that I thought this development came completely out of nowhere for no discernible reason. I thought that it was a complete oxymoron, since Dirk’s arc was supposed to detail a young man with self-loathing issues attempting to cope with his toxic alternates; To, perhaps, create a new slate for himself even in the wake of his flaws and the actions of his other iterations of himself. But I realize now that Dirk is likely undergoing a very advanced and more self-restrained form of this so called Ultimate Self. This means his original self is sort of merging consciousness with that of his alternate selves, such as Lil’ Hal, Bro Strider, ARquiusprite, and a potential sliver of Caliborn, since ARquiusprite was a part of that particular soul. These conditions considered, it very well would make for an actual villain of himself, an intimidatingly cognizant and even powerful one, too. I suppose that, as fan speculation detailed, Dirk’s Ultimate Self is not necessarily going to be the most courteous, amicable being ever. Quite the contrary, in fact. And his mannerisms begin to make sense when considering the Dave/Karkat segment Dirk had, along with his odd commentary on gender discussion. Seems very Caliborn-esque, although it may be a combination of others, too, since his consciousness is merged with multiple Dirk splinters.

4) And for my final negative, I’m going to discuss Roxy’s gender identity. A very welcome surprise, I’d say, because I also said trans rights. Anyway, my essential issue with this topic is how it’s treated within the narrative and within dialogue. It almost feels like this sort of joke from the producers of the epilogue, in a sense. Maybe the shitty “Check Your Privilege Dave” joke is still nagging at me, but I just have this odd... feeling that this isn’t being treated seriously, especially with how Terezi seems to instantaneously point the pronoun change out almost in this shitty method of humor, and how Roxy is experimenting with pronouns quite often and comes off as hesitant when they first come out as nonbinary. I’m going to take this judgement with a huge grain of salt for now, because it’s not outright offensive, and seems to have well intentions. I suppose I could easily be being a pedantic fuck, looking too hard into things and having too much apprehension. Although, if it is a joke, I’d be very disappointed to learn so, seeing as V affirmed that the crew consisted of LGBT+ people who intended to make the reading experience safe and open for the community. Still, I’m going to presume I’m being just a bit too skeptical for the moment.

That’s pretty much all of the points that stand out to me for now. I’m honestly unsure of how this epilogue will turn out or where it will go for the most part, but I’m certain there will be a continuation at some point, perhaps even with a third choice that may combine both meat and candy in a healthy way somehow, or maybe avoid both concepts altogether. Either way, I hope things turn out okay in the end, or at least that the epilogue will end on some sort of happy note, even if some conflicts and issues are still ongoing.

EDIT: Do I consider any of this to be canon, including the meat route, within my own head? No, I really don’t. It’s just... a little too far gone for my tastes, but power to ya if you like it and consider it canon. It’s also sad to see that Dirk stans are hurting from this new development within him, so honestly, I give y’all a collective pat on the back. You deserve it.

#epilogue spoilers #hs epilogue #homestuck

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livebloggingfics · 6 years

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Chapter 7 summary

For me the highlight of this chapter was the dark Betty stuff, writing wise it was so freaking eloquent and it had such a great flow, and the imagery was amazing. Everything she was feeling was so palpable. And just like the nuance in it compared to the show. This really shows the potential in what could have been, this one of what I think are a few different kinda routes one could take in tackling dark Betty and what they did was not one of them. UUUUGH this really brings forward all my frustrations and infuriation with pretty much everything regarding Dark Betty, I kinda even hate writing it. It bothers me SO MUCH and especially as someone with some mental illnesses. I get real heated, could go on for 62 pages. Anyway as I said I really love what you’ve done here, with it being more of a taking no prisoners, 100% Done Betty. It’s really just a heightened, dare I say darker, version of her characteristics, like the fact that she’s always wanted the truth, has been searching for it, but now she is demanding it. And all this shit has been bubbling under the surface for years and it finally came to a boiling point. I especially like how it’s been built up, such as in chapter 4, this isn’t out of left field ya know.

This then led to the confrontation scene, which was great. Aaah I love the smell of communication in the morning. Again her frustrations were palpable, the lack of trust, her agency being taken away from her etc. I was just like go off! But then you have Jughead, and it’s just so saaaad. Boy doesn’t think he deserves good things. I said it in an earlier comment but his white knight toxic masculinity shit as he so calls it is something that in real life bothers me soooo much. But it’s obviously understandable why he has these issues and it’s very mature of him to be aware of them. There’s also something about that, that to me is kinda tragic, like being aware of issues you have but not knowing how to deal with/work through them. It’s not like he has an outlet for that, I mean I doubt southside high had a school psychologist. And then of course we know a lot more about him, I still have show Jughead and his struggles in the back of my mind, Betty doesn’t know anything. I’m glad that a lot more is out of the open and that with communication they’ll be able to get to know/understand each other more and work through it. And of course hype for the reconciliation.

The Alice reveal was truly an oh my gaaaaaaaaaaahd moment the first time around, and opens up a backstory that is extremely fascinating and fitting for the character. I think what is especially nice about this being a re-read was that the first time, I was so mindblown by the last scenes that I didn’t pay as much attention to the Betty transformation stuff, it wasn’t as much of a take away then. Now it’s one of my favorite parts of the fic. Or maybe my brain just grew a bit more during my 19th year, and I could appreciate it better.

I think I’m gonna add a new segment along with my sporadic google count (none for this one!) which is the scene stealer award, or basically just like my fave minor character in the chapter. Because first we had Kevin who was hi-larious, but also pretty sweet I thought. But then you have Sabrina who I am in love with, her reaction was fantastic. *celebration horn* the inaugural award goes to Kevin.

#liveblogging #the winged beast #author: onceuponamirror #twb chapter 7 #onceuponamirror

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meanwhileinoz · 6 years

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A Japanese Buddhist Master Reveals 21 Rules of Life That Will Blow Your Mind

For years I struggled to find the peace I really wanted.

You know the dream:

Happiness

Not overthinking

No anxiety

Physically fit

And to live every moment without being distracted by the past or the future. During that time, I lived with anxiety, insomnia and way too much useless thinking going on in my head. It was never easy. One of the reasons I was never truly at peace was because of one recurring problem: I couldn’t learn to “accept” where I was without wishing it were different. Because avoiding and fighting against what is happening inside you only makes it worse.

Unfortunately, acceptance is also really hard to cultivate. We’re practically wired to not accept the moment if it’s not 100% comfortable. So, what can we do?

What helped me was coming across Japanese Buddhist master Miyamoto Mushashi’s 21 rules of life. Known as Japan’s greatest ever swordsman, he wrote these 21 rules 2 weeks before his death.

Each rule teaches you to accept your circumstances in life, detach from outside forces you can’t control and be comfortable with who you are.

I find these rules powerful because the only way to cultivate acceptance is through continued practice in your actions and your attitude. The two things we actually have control over.

And these rules give you the necessary guidelines to do just that. It might take months to rewire your brain, but it’s well worth it.

Check them out:

1) Accept reality.

Acceptance is the most powerful attitude you can assume to overcome those nagging mental challenges in life. You are where you are, it’s a state of mind and there’s no destination or immediate goal. Through repetition you are training your mind to tolerate whatever poo sandwich God or the Universe hands you.

What makes this so powerful? Well, you are no longer fighting yourself and caught up in anxiety, stress or bitterness. You are not feeding the negativity which then creates more negativity and you take the power away from these negative emotions like letting the air out of a balloon and over time, they have less and less power over your life.

This works because you are no longer a follower and caught up in apathy or complacency—you are in control and are no longer judging what might be happening. You are allowing the natural flow of life to happen around you in a way that you get to choose how you respond (or not).

2) Don’t obsess over pleasure and seek it out for its own sake.

This is known as “the grass is always greener” desire. As humans, we are often not grateful for what we have and what something we are sure will bring us more immediate pleasure. This can trap us in a never-ending loop of desiring immediate gratification. Like a drug, we quickly begin need more pleasure and need it more quickly.

The key is to retrain your brain to learn to enjoy fun and joy by appreciating what you have in each moment and not be unhappy when you aren’t experiencing pleasure.

3) Do not, under any circumstances, depend on fleeting feelings or emotions for guidance.

Similar to #2, feelings don’t hang around for very long. Emotions are like clouds in the sky, they are only in one place for a short while. You can’t possibly be happy all the time, as there are some events that require serious thought and action and perhaps grief or sadness. Wanting to happy 24/7, will only make you unhappy.

4) Think less about yourself and more deeply of the world.

The happiest people in the world focus on helping others. When you spend most of the time thinking about yourself, you magnify your ego and any aspects of yourself that you may feel are unworthy. Being just a little humble and not taking yourself too seriously will quickly make you away of those less fortunate than you and release you from the chains of the ego—you’ll find yourself looking at those in need and trying to find ways to help.

There’s a beautiful Chinese Proverb which describes this perfectly: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”

5) Don’t ever be a slave to desire!

If you become a slave to desire, you quickly get caught in an endless loop of just wanting and can never be satisfied with what you already have! If you can practice being calm and comfortable with what you have right this very moment, you will hold in your hand one of the most important keys to inner peace.

6) Don’t hold on to regret or dwell on the past.

Regret is a useless and damaging emotion. You know that you do not have any control over the past so focus on understanding what the lessons were from each experience that you feel regret for and let it go!

7) Don’t harbor jealousy.

Another emotion that does nothing but generate negativity. It also means that you might be insecure with yourself, because you’re envious of someone else. Once again, one of the keys to happiness lies in constantly reminding yourself of what you are grateful for in your life.

8) Never let yourself be saddened by separation.

It’s hard to be away from someone you want to be with. But wallowing in sadness has no purpose. Sometimes you just need use a little tough love talk on yourself and appreciate what you have, not what you believe you are losing.

9) Don’t harbor resentment and give in to complaining.

Complaining without doing something to create change or to move on doesn’t help you achieve anything. It only serves to create negative energy which you keep inside which can lead to physical illness. And remember that you cannot control what others do; you can only control how you react to what they do and judging others also adds to toxic energy that you might be tempted to hold on to.

10) Don’t be a slave to lust or love

This is a pretty controversial one for many of us. Most of us are probably in agreement that we don’t want to be driven be lust as we know that it will only bring temporary satisfaction. Love though… that’s a different story because we all know that love is one of the most important and powerful emotions in existence. Your family is everything, whoever they are, and your life is much more fulfilled when you do whatever you can for them. I think this means that we should temper our love with a little reality and understand that though no one is perfect, we do need to be selective about whom we give our love to.

11) Don’t be a slave to bias.

This is much like desiring in that you are not happy with what you already have and will only cause you to feel disappointment whenever things don’t occur as you’d most like to see them. So if possible, try not to prefer something over something else, especially if you can’t control it.

12) Don’t imprison yourself in one place.

While still appreciating what you have, always be open to move somewhere new and always be aware of any opportunities to move to a new situation. A new environment can quickly alter your perception of yourself and release negative energies you’ve been unaware you’ve been storing.

13) Don’t be a picky eater.

Focus on eating to be healthy and for nourishment. Desiring delicious food can lead to addiction and attachment. This goes for alcohol and drugs, too.

14) Don’t be a slave to possessions.

If it’s not benefiting your life, get rid of it. Eliminate clutter and appreciate having more space to live and breathe in. You’d be amazed at the release you will feel if you get rid of stuff that’s clogging your life up, especially if you pass it on to someone less fortunate or who can really use what you cannot

15) Don’t be a slave to tradition or belief.

Use your own common sense. Do what makes sense to your own values, not what other people think. Decide for yourself. You know what’s right and wrong. You don’t need someone else to tell you.

16) Do not collect weapons or practice with weapons beyond what is useful.

Know how to defend yourself—but never intimidate or victimize.

17) Do not fear death.

Learn to feel fortunate and privileged for receiving the gift of life, period—in any duration. Death is something none of us will escape. We can either learn to accept that our own and our close one’s time will eventually come, or fight against it causing anxiety and sadness for the rest of our lives.

18) Don’t obsess over your legacy.

What good will they do you when you’re gone? Only collect what is useful. Don’t waste your time. Enjoy the time that you have to be alive, and do the most amount of good that you can, while you can. Let history decide what your true legacy will be—it will do so whether you try to interfere or not.

19) Respect your God without counting on their help.

If you can utilize your faith in order to be more productive in life, then do so whenever you’d like. However, be aware that you are responsible for accomplishing what you’re required to regardless of whether or not you receive divine help or energy.

20) Preserve your honor.

This means always saying and doing what you feel is right.

21) Learn for a lifetime.

This means that you must continue to learn and grow as a human being every day for your entire life.

I hope these ancient truths have helped you and given you some food for thought. Please feel free to share your own experiences and comment on our social media pages.

Sources:

Introduction excerpted from our friends at Hackspirit: A Japanese Buddhist Master reveals 21 rules of life that will blow your mind. Please check out their website, we love their articles.

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