#i'm still working on c3 of my fic

[buckets-and-trees]

Test Play

Title: Test Play Fandom: MCU Characters/Pairings: Game Designer!Bucky x Female!Reader Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Sequel to Perfectionists. All hands on deck around the clock as SHIELD has to put in some extra work in order to get things ready for game approval before the beta test can be launched soon at PAX East, especially if they want to beat out HYDRA's new pending release. What will that mean for the new development between Bucky and SHIELD's top tier tester when there doesn't seem to be time for sleep, let alone... whatever this is?

Content/Concept Warnings: gamer AU; strong language; SMUT: vaginal fingering, cock warming; beefy Bucky who is soft but a menace

Notes: THE FIRST OF MY PROMISED ANNIVERSARY SLEEPOVER FICS! Also crossing off:

Catching up on @buckybarnesevents WEEK FOUR of Hot Bucky Summer: Free Week: suggested cock warming

Seventh square of @buckybarnesbingo C3: FREE SPACE - seemed fitting to couple it with HBS Free Week

When I wrote Perfectionists, I really didn't think I had more story to tell or that these two would get as much love as they did...so this is something I'm very excited to share for part of my Anniversary Sleepover event!

A/N: AND THANKS to @rookthorne who helped me with a bit of gamer lingo and encouraging these two and literally @vonalyn’s expertise in knowledge of the gaming industry! Chi especially not only steered me in the right direction, but you were so generous and indulgent of my inquiries!

story divider by @firefly-graphics, reblog graphic by @vase-of-lilies

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Steve looked over from his desk to see Bucky’s fingers tapping anxiously across the way on the corner of his desk, chin propped on his other hand, staring – glaring, really – at the clock on the wall. As the leads on the new Avengers story release for SHIELD, he and Bucky were on hold until the feedback from the latest round of testing hit their inboxes.

“You good?” Steve asked. None of them were great right now, but Steve felt keenly the need to make sure as captain of this crew that everyone was at least good.

The glower turned to him. “I’m fine, just… hate waiting.”

The icy blue stare didn’t faze Steve – he knew it wasn’t for him. “Maybe there are some preliminary notes we could get a jump on. Do you want me to go check on her progr–?“

“No, I’ll go,” Bucky cut him off and stood abruptly in the same second. He was out of the engineering and design lab before Steve could even respond.

Steve frowned.

Nat and Sam had gone down to consult with the marketing department, but Joaquin was still in the lab with him. “You know he hates these spots where there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do even more than you, Cap,” he quipped.

Steve sighed. “I know. But he seems even more worked up than usual, he’s never liked having to talk with the testers before now, but I guess desperate times…”

Steve went back to refreshing his inbox because there definitely were more things he needed to communicate back to the other teams, even if the other part of his work was on hold, so he missed the slight smirk on Joaquin’s face.

Bucky was on a direct path, not to be deterred by anyone if they were trying to get his attention in any way. As he came around a corner, he nearly collided with T’Challah, lead writer on the story design team.

“Barnes! My apologies!”

“Oh, no!” Bucky’s face turned a bright red. Anyone else and Bucky with his broad chest and hulking frame would’ve probably bowled them over. “That was all me.”

Though they’d worked together from time to time over the last year, Bucky still didn’t know him very well, but T’Challah was one of the few others at SHIELD Bucky enjoyed working with outside of his own team and he had a fair bit of respect from the man.

“On your way to the test room?” T’Challah guessed.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “Guilty.”

T’Challah smiled. “I just came from there. From our conversation, I expect we’re closer than we hoped on getting this mode online with the rest of the release. She’s not done yet, but I think you’ll like what she has to say.”

You glanced over your shoulder when you heard someone closing the door to the test room. “I can not go any faster, I promise.”

You did a double-take and paused the game when you saw the giant gaming engineer who had ruined you a week earlier crossing the room. “Hi,” you breathed and returned the soft smile you saw on his face. You were glad it was dim in the room so he couldn’t see every detail of your expression, feeling flushed at the sight of him, and biting the slight edge of your bottom lip.

“Hi,” he returned warmly. There was a slight twinkle in his eye as his gaze swept over you. “What is this?” he gestured up and down as he planted himself down next to you, body angled to you and not the gaming screen.

You were cocooned with only hands sticking out from one blanket draped over your head and your shoulders and another wrapped around your legs. “It is Women’s Winter! I’m trying not to freeze in the extremes of corporate American summer air conditioning temperatures!”

Bucky laughed. He laughed around the team, but rarely around anyone else. And this? With you? This was still so new, but it was nice.

“Here, I’ll help warm you up.” Bucky settled in on the couch directly next to you. His hulking frame made the couch dip slightly beneath him, and that brought your cocooned self partially into his lap. He wrapped one beefy arm around your back and the other rested over your legs.

“Hi,” you said again, a whisper this time.

“Hi.” The dimness of the room did not prevent you from seeing the heat that was building in his gaze.

That look made you want to squirm in the best way – to be writhing under him. He was so big you had to tilt up your head to look into each other’s eyes, but that was no problem. It meant a natural invitation for Bucky to lean down and capture your lips in a kiss.

Which he did.

The sweet greeting of the kiss, not having seen each other for a few days, melted away quickly into more. His tongue teased at the seam of your lips, and you opened your mouth to him eagerly. It was hungry and demanding, and he pulled a moan from your throat.

And for some reason your brain switched back on, and you laughed breathlessly and pulled away.

“Buck, no.”

“Buck, yes.”  

He circled his arms around you completely now and burrowed his head into the crook of your neck, mouthing at the tender flesh there, a little nipping, kissing, and licking that had you moaning again.

The thud as the controller hit the floor reminded you again that you were supposed to be finishing the test play, not letting Bucky play with your body.

You jumped out of his arms and retrieved the controller.

“Buck, anyone could come in and see us! We’re lucky no one caught us the first time.”

The grin does not leave his devastatingly handsome face. “I specifically locked the door when I came in this time.”

You laughed but shook your head. “That was awfully presumptuous!”

His expression softened, and he reached for your hand. You let him pull you closer as he spoke. “It might have been presumptuous, but it wasn’t my only intention. I’ve been eager to see you, spend time with you. One night of fun last week and lunch the next day before the HYDRA shitstorm… that’s not all I wanted with you.”

He held your hand up and kissed your palm before pulling you even closer. You melted into him as he circled his arms around your waist, your blankets having pooled at your feet. One of your hands threaded into his hair, the other wrapped gently around his neck. He turned his head, resting his cheek against your front, and you felt and heard him take in a deep breath and then exhale slowly. You felt that energy mirror inside of you as well.

You didn’t think he had only used you for one hot night of pleasure – the hours spent wrapped up in each other on the couch after fucking, and then waking up in your own bed the next morning to a text already waiting asking if you wanted to get lunch had said a lot – but it had not been the week to jump into … whatever this was going to be. Ten days ago Barnes had only been the guy you had harbored a crush on and thought didn’t like you one bit since you had been professionally clashing for months as game engineer and game tester.

Literally while you had been at lunch, teasing him about his questionable choice of footwear, Bucky had received a flurry of Slack messages and then a call from Steve. They had intel on review notes from the beta release HYDRA had submitted to one of the first party platforms and Fury had decided to bring the Deep Shadow Conditions mode back into the release SHIELD was going to submit to the first party platforms for approval at the end of next week.

Meaning Bucky and the rest of his team had only by necessity taken any kind of breaks to sleep and refuel for the last seventy-two hours, you’d exchanged all of five texts, and had only seen him from across the main floor once in all that time.

So, this was nice.

Your Apple Watch buzzed at your wrist, and you groaned and pushed away from Bucky, hastily moving around to stand behind the couch.

“I’ve got to finish this test play!”

And you hit resume on the game, leaned forward, and planted your elbows on the back of the couch, getting back into the zone.

Bucky heaved himself over the back of the couch and closed in on you, caging you in on either side with his massive biceps, his big solid chest at your back.

“Bucky!” you tried to take a stern tone, but it was hard when you were relishing the measured weight of him against you.

“I’m not stopping you,” he murmured against the back of your neck.

“Bucky! Really!”

He shifted slightly and then you could feel the smirk of his lips on the side of your neck. He planted one hot kiss there, then said, “If you’re so damn good at what you do, keep playing.”

“Are you issuing me a challenge?”

“Just a chance to prove what a consummate professional you are.”

“Challenge accepted. You are an incorrigible menace,” you laughed.

“Actually, I’m cold.”

“You were judging me and my blankets not even five minutes ago,” you said, focused on the action on the screen.

While he remained hunched over your back, you felt him moving again, and you heard but didn’t register the sound of his belt unbuckling.

“Blankets? No,” he murmured in your ear, “I need you to warm me up.”

“Oh,” you moaned when his broad hand cupped your pussy.

“Think you can do that for me?”

He stroked firmly.

“Part of the testing is to see if we’ve got a game that captures the player’s attention, right? I’m just helping you test this aspect, see if a player can become easily distracted, lose interest – that’s the last thing we want.”

Slowly but purposefully Bucky undid your pants and you fought to keep your breathing even and your eyes open and where they were supposed to be as he pulled them down with your underwear. Then he nudged his right foot on the inside of yours to push your legs further apart while two of his fingers moved over your soft, slickening folds. Then he sunk his cock into you, and you both exhaled at the feel of him inside of you.

“How’s that?”

You let out a slight whimper.

“That good, huh? You’re never at a loss for words with that talented tongue.”

You elbowed him gently. “You really wanna play, Barnes? You tease that you just need some cock warming? You get me to break, and then you can fuck me however you like.”

“Oh, I can be patient. I’ll get you to beg for me to fuck you. We’ll see who gets desperate first.”

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Link to the List of Sleepover Games

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #gamer au #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes smut #aspen's anniversary sleepover #aspen wrote something #hotbuckysummer2023 #buckybarnesbingo2023 #bbb2023 #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #omg reblogged thank you #kink: cock warming

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

#carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #sydcarmy fanfiction #sydcarmy fic #sydcarmy for life #syd x carmen #sydney x carmen #sydney x carmy #carmen x sydney #syd x carmy #carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #the bear carmen #carmen berzatto the bear fanfiction #carmy berzatto smut #carmy the bear #carmy smut #sydcarmy fanfic #sydxcarmy fanfiction #sydxcarmy fic #Sydney x carmy fic

[operationslipperypuppet]

i know you have a hardshine playlist, but top 5 hardshine songs 👀

ohh shit this is fun

here's my hardshine playlist as well if you want to check it out (they're probably all gonna be on here if i'm fucking honest)

If We Were Vampires - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit [Maybe time running out is a gift/I'll work hard til the end of my shift/And give you every second I can find] This is like THE hardshine song, if we're honest with ourselves. The idea that you wish yourself immortal, so that the time you spend together could possibly be trivial? It's so perfect. And this song is something I really have enjoyed for years so adding hardshine context to it makes it that much better, for me.

Work Song - Hozier [No grave can hold my body down/I'll crawl home to her] I was conflicted for half a second what number 2 on this list would be and then I remembered this bitch. God fucking damn. Not only are the lyrics so true to them on like a wider level, but Hardwon has literally, time after time, attempted to overcome the impossible to save Moonshine. To get back to Moonshine. The bargaining with the death horseman, Jake begging Murph to let him give Moonshine one of his luck points. Attempting, as a man with -1 intelligence, to fix a teleporter that wasn't working just so he could save her. (also the mental backflips i did to not name any of my recent fics with lyrics from this song. still can't believe i won that struggle)

After the War - Branches [My home is in your arms] This one is big on loneliness, and the kind of crux of the two people meeting ending the loneliness. And I think that's at the heart of hardshine, right? That before they met, they were both lonely and alone, in their own distinct ways. And then Moonshine walked into the bar. And in an instant, Hardwon found the home he'd been yearning for, while Moonshine finally found someone who would take her culture at face value and never try to belittle it. It's why Twinkling Lights plays under Hardwon meeting Red and asking Moonshine to live at the Crick. One way or another, they are defined by finding that safety in one another.

Love Like This - Ben Rector [It's a million things about you and I don't know what it is/I have never known a love like this] One thing that makes hardshine so beautiful, to me, is the way that it's so drastically ill-defined. Not even in the way that they never tell each other their feelings in canon, but also like the way that Jake and Emily have talked about it and the myriad of different ways they've played it. They're best friends, they're soulmates, they're in love, they can't stand more than 20ft apart without feeling lost. I think if you sat the characters down they'd have such a hard time defining, truly, what they mean to each other. And the idea here of a love that defines you while you also don't know the true depth of it feels right for them to me.

Hello My Old Heart - The Oh Hellos [Oh, I don't wanna be alone/I wanna find a home/And I wanna share it with you] Obviously home is a theme in my picks, which I feel like I have mostly explained already. But this one really hits a C3 stride for me, because it's kind of talking about returning to feeling like your heart can accept someone. And I feel like there's an insane paradigm shift that happens for Hardwon, post-distress signal. He's opening up again. But his heart does already belong to someone, and he just has to find home with her once more and his heart will remain safe, with her.

Bonus #6 is The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon. For obvious reasons

#rude to make me think about hardshine this close to when i need to sleep #i gotta do shit tomorrow and now i'm plotting... thanks!! #naddpod #hardshine #asks #anon #top 5

[yarrayora]

kuromahi baking halloween cookies based on this servamp kinkmeme

Note: this fic is part of the kinkmeme prompt, where everyone who see it is encouraged to write their own version of it even if there are already others who filled it read more about it here

---

A lot of people said that cooking was like art where you didn't have to follow the recipes accurately to get good results but baking was science where a single mistake could lead to a disaster. Mahiru thought it was a stupid comparison. His hamburg steak still turned out tasty even though he no longer looked at recipes because he already figured out how to make it tasty.

Meanwhile when he was baking breads there was always a chance of it not turning out well properly even though he had already followed the same recipe for years, and whenever he googled to figure out why it happened turned out it might be moisture in the air. Or the sun was too hot outside. At this point he wouldn't be surprised if astrology played a part in whether a dough would rise properly or not.

Today too was a bad day for baking.

"This is way too wet!" Mahiru complained. "The cookie dough isn't taking shape!" His fingers were sticky and gross from trying to knead the dough into submission. And failing, obviously. "Kuro, did you add something?"

Kuro knew his Eve didn't mean to sound so harsh but he involuntarily flinched anyway. "Just vanilla extract." He admitted.

"What? We don't need vanilla extract." Mahiru frowned.

Kuro fidgeted nervously. "Lawless said it would taste better if I add it."

"Oh, well." Mahiru put his hands on his hip in annoyance. "He's stupid. He should have told me if he wanted some vanilla cookies. The dough ends up too watery because you added unnecessary liquid... how much did you add anyway?"

Kuro fished for his phone and scrolled to find his DM with Lawless. "The instruction said half of the bottle's cap."

Mahiru got even more annoyed. "That's stupid. That's not how this works. You need to take into account of the dough's consistency."

"...are you mad at me?" Kuro asked warily.

"I... no." Mahiru sighed. "Sorry, I just got frustrated. Sorry." He sulked. "I'm going to wash my hands and work on this later."

Mahiru turned the faucet on, the room was quiet with only the sound of running water and Mahiru's hands squeaking together trying to get rid of the sticky dough.

"So..." Kuro awkwardly approached his Eve, his hands were massaging Mahiru's shoulders with hesitation. "You wanna fuck the frustration away?"

The offer just made Mahiru sigh. "Nnnooope. I'm not doing that to you."

"I could top for once—" Mahiru snorted loudly, accidentally cutting off Kuro's sentence. "I could! You could sit back and do nothing for once!" The vampire was slightly offended.

"Kuro, you suck at being a top." Mahiru pointed out.

"I'm an excellent dildo." Kuro huffed.

Mahiru smiled teasingly. "That just means I'll do all the work again."

Kuro's expression softened seeing Mahiru was smiling again. He leaned on his Eve and planted a gentle kiss on Mahiru's forehead. "Cuddle?" His long arms were now embracing Mahiru's body entirely.

"Mmhm, cuddle."

(Except whenever they cuddled, it never ended as just cuddling)

(This time was no exception)

---

"Soooo, how was it?" Lawless waggled his eyebrows.

"What?" Kuro's eyes never left the screen as he was still focused on his video game.

"Did my 'vanilla extract' help?" Lawless nudged his brother.

"Dude, stop that. I'll get mad if I have to repeat this level again," Kuro said, despite his tone remaining as monotonous as ever.

Lawless sighed dramatically. "Did you have sex last night?"

"Yeah?" Kuro replied absently. "Oh, is that what the vanilla extract is for? Dude, no need for that. Mahiru just ended up mad that he needed to redo the dough."

Lawless went quiet for a couple of seconds. "Dough."

"Yeah?"

"Did you use a fucking aphrodisiac for the halloween cookies?!" Lawless freaked out. "Nii-san! You stupid! You idiot! We need to get C3 to recall the cookies before people start fucking on the street!"

---

author's note: reminder that for tanakabox's halloween event, tooru basically commissioned his nephew to bake cookies to help stop halloween time loop, said cookies are distributed to people all over tokyo

#servamp #kuromahi #mahikuro #shirota mahiru #mahiru shirota #servamp kuro #kuro servamp #yarra writes stuff #servamp kinkmeme #theres a kuromahi positivity blog from years ago #where apparently the shippers were being oppressed or something by the fandom #if you want a good laugh you should check it out #also sorry no sex scene because i cant stop thinking about wet dough

[rindecisions]

Rindecision’s Steve Harrington Bingo Masterpost

Full list of fics that I created for @steveharringtonbingo

A2 | In Detention Together | A Detention to Remember | Steddie

B1 | Favorite Band | You Know Where to Find me - Easter ‘85 | Steddie

B2 | Free Space: You Know Where to Find Me - April Fools Day ‘85 | Steddie

B3 | Human Sacrifice | Freak Obsession | Steddie

C3 | Broken Soulmarks | Beneath the Watch’s Band | Steddie

I have 3 other fics in the works that were for this, but due to the date being moved to September, I am unable to release them with the event but still plan to release them at some point.

Instead, I’ll let you know what they were so you can keep an eye out for them when they come out.

A1 | Demogorgan | Demositter | No Ship

Dustin convinces Steve to watch his Demodog, Bartholomew, that he’d been keeping secret after the events of Season 2. Steve takes the beast to his house and babysits it for a weekend. It wreaks havoc and surprises Steve in more ways then one.

A3 & C1 | Possessive Billy & Kidnapping | The Target | Mungrove & Steddie | DARK FIC | NON-CON WARNING [Was also for the Eddie Bingo]

This one is very different from the fics I’ve released before. It’s a fucked up psychological horror. Eddie and Billy are serial killers that choose Steve as a target. Eddie decides to keep him as a pet of sorts. I don’t want to give too much of the plot away, but it’s a rollercoaster of a story.

C2 | Bodyswap | Evil Things | Metal Sandwich [Was also for the Eddie Bingo]

I'm most excited about this one. It’s an Evil dead homage/parody. Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan go out to Steve’s secluded lake-side cabin to celebrate their graduation. Steve and Robin mess around with the incantation from the movie and end up summoning Eddie and Billy as ghosts. Lots of ghost smut with them teaming up on Steve. Unfortunately, they weren’t the only ones brought back. An evil presence joined them and it’s up to the group with the help of Eddie and Billy to fix it. It’s playful, funny, and sexy. Can’t wait to share!

Any of those catch your eye? After I finish my Steddie Big Bang fic I want to jump back into them and get them out to you guys.

#Steve Harrington Bingo #Steddie #steddie fanfiction #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #fanfic #fanfiction #gay #Bingo #AO3 #Mungrove #metal sandwich #masterlist

[phantomskeep]

Chapter Breakdown: Putting the "Fun" Back in "Funeral" C3

HIHIHIHI!! I'm going to be breaking down some parts of my Dead on Main fic's, Putting the "Fun" Back in "Funeral", third chapter. This one was a doozy to write and I kind of wanted to break it down and put out my thought process behind a few things? It seemed like fun and honestly I need a writing warm-up haha.

Anyways, onto Chapter Three: Emotional Constipation has Never Been Easier!

This chapter opens up with Danny zooming out of the Ghost Zone and into his home dimension. It has a scene where he's flying above the cloudbed before dropping down past the storm clouds in a way that is vaguely reminiscent of skydiving, or jumping off of buildings (in like a heroic way nOT IN LIKE A IM GOING SIX FEET UNDER WAY). "Phantom, why did you put this in here?" Well, I wanted to give a little nod to "Into the Spider-verse"! This story has some of the same themes - a superhero coming of age while traveling across dimensions. Having Danny give gravity the middle finger was one way I knew I could sneak that little hint in there, and I think it turned out pretty well! The storm, on the other hand, was just written in there because while I was writing the chapter a thunderstorm was brewing. There was a lot of dramatic lightning flashes and I thought it would be visually appealing (readingly appealing??) to slap that in there!

"Wow Phantom, Danny had a very depressing childhood!" Yeah, yeah he did. This is a bit of a coming of age fic combined with a slowburn romance and healing fic. Danny's childhood wasn't easy - something that IS canon - and having him actually have to think about how his parents failed him helps brew the distrust Danny has in them. The idea of "knowledge is power" combined with how they act equals Danny expecting failure on their part. He has come to fully believe his parents don't care about him or Jazz. "... not noticing their greatest failure hovering in front of their greatest success" Danny thinks he is his parent's greatest failure, despite him literally dying in order to get their "greatest success" to actually work. It's a simple truth, thought maybe a bit misguided, that Danny values in his life. Showing that Danny has been hurt by his parents' inventions, neglect, and actions just drive this deeper.

"Is Danny immortal?" Wellllll yes but no but yes. Danny can still be killed, don't get me wrong, but he's going to be aging at a slower rate. This is brought up in C3 during Danny's talk with his Ghostly Therapy support group - and something that will be brought up again. Accepting the fact that Danny, who has strong ties to the Human and Ghost worlds, will outlive at least one side of himself is something he struggles with. This is a large part of the "coming of age" story arc.

"Jason and Dick have such a great relationship, but he seems to have some issues with the rest of the Batfam, what gives?" Well! When I was growing up I was able to read some of the original Batman and Detective comics - meaning my first impression of Jason was that he was a redheaded circus boy. In those comics Dick was actually able to pass down the Robin mantle himself, Bruce was emotionally competent, and the three of them had a great relationship. With that in mind, I love to see Dick and Jason actually be brothers. They're my favorite duo AND they have a great parallel to Danny. Pulling from the "greatest failure and greatest success" vibes from Danny's thoughts on his parents plus the portal, if you compare that to Robin #1 and #2, you have Bruce's greatest success (Dick, who is a strong leader, good sibling, and manages to VERY RARELY act out in mindless anger) and compare that to his greatest failure (Jason, who he wasn't able to save, who he thought killed a man, who died only to come back so much differently) it draws a wonderful parallel of life and death. In like a vague way. But! Jason needs someone in his corner and Dick is that man. Because we're going old school, baby!

"Jason's POV was very short this chapter" Yup, it was. The main point of Jason's POV was to show that he was okay after being all loopy and that his relationship with Dick's is different than what is the current DC canon. I did this over Thai food and dragon movies for uh... totally no reason. Whatsoever. No foreshadowing and plot thickening here. Just... happy dragons, happy boys, and comfort food :)

"What's up with Danny's outfit change?" Legit I just gave him the kingly outfit for plot reasons. It'll be important later on - trust me - but for now accept that he's a cute little starboy. I have some concept pictures in regards to why I chose what I did, but unfortunately it's kind of spoiler-y :(

"Wow! The Ghost Zone is really changing!" It is!! Many people pointed out in C1 how Danny's coronation carried weight to it, how you all could tell it was important. And it was, and the GZ changing is just showing more of that weight. I've pretty much spent the past three chapters laying together the groundwork and foreshadowing to just what being the Ghost King means to Danny. Part of that is healing the GZ and making it better for his people. The Keep changing (and wow I love being able to name-drop myself in my fics) is only a small part of the reconstruction the GZ is going under. It's great and I'm super excited!!

"Why did you mention the tapestries?" WELL, if you follow me on this hellsite you might remember a post I made a while ago about spending hours creating a political atmosphere for the GZ! The tapestry is hinting at the politics behind the dead, important plot points in the future, and why the Realm is changing. I want you guys to be able to keep reading this fic and have an "oh!" moment where you put the pieces together.

"Oh my god Danny's rich" - said by Faust/Aerois, my lovely beta. Yes, Danny is rich. In my opinion there's already enough fics out there where Danny has to survive on the streets which is something I'm not really looking to do on here. It's also a plotpoint! Keep in mind that Danny's got that great amount of wealth :)

"I love the line Goin' Gotham" SAME THO! It's also me being sneaky and referencing the collection "Going Gotham" on AO3, which is full of DPxDC fics that I love. Also Danny is a dork and he would totally say that because he is a dumb little babyman and I love him.

Anyways, that's it for the chapter breakdown! I'm hoping to do more of these in the future though I can't say I will be doing them for every chapter I post. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and the breakdown :D

#Putting the Fun Back in Funeral #Dead on Main #DCxDP #DPxDC #chapter breakdown #PhantomsRants #PFBF chapter breakdown #chapter breakdance #UNC UNC UNC UNC

[scorchieart]

Hello! For the fic reader ask game: B7, B9, C3, C10, D9, D10 ❤️

Hello there! Thank you for the ask, there are quite a few of them here O.O

B7: Which character is your favourite to read about? Why?

At the moment, Clavis Lelouch. He's such a malleable character with so much potential, and I love seeing how others interpret his actions and toss him into random situations.

B9: Who is your OTP?

🤷‍♀️ Idk buddy. Cosmo and Wanda, I guess?

C3: Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?

So... my definition of "safe for work" is more conservative than the internet's, and many times throughout the years I've opened stories that I ended up not finishing for one or more reasons. My list of nope-ing out of a story is very long, so I'll just pick a few that come to mind:

Too many typos or grammatical errors. I do them all the time too! But if I can't understand what I'm reading, I can't continue.

Private/intimate scenes that make me feel like an awkward third wheel. It's like looking away from the TV when a yikes scene comes on.

Excessive foul language or vulgar behavior. Just no, expand your vocabulary, please.

Problematic relationships depicted in a good light. I know fandom is escapism, but I'd rather stick to reality.

If it's just one line, I could probably let it slide. But if it goes on for paragraphs and paragraphs I nope outta there. And I'm not shaming anyone for enjoying any of these, not by a long shot. They're just not meant for me.

C10: What book could you just never get into, no matter how hard you tried?

The Divergent series was pretty big when I was in middle school, but every time I started it someone in my class would look over my shoulder, see the chapter I'm reading, and say "Oh! Is this the part when [insert giant spoiler]!" I've grown more resistant to spoilers now, but it does still ruin the mood.

D9: Who do you discuss fandom-related things with most often? 

These days, it's the tumblr moots ❤️

D10: What is one story idea you really want to read but no one has written yet?

Since I've been thinking about it a lot today and Cybird refuses to deliver, Bloodstained Rose Day. I have at least 5 wips on the subject, but I'm skeptical anyone else wants to read them, so I need to see at least one story posted to confirm I've got a kindred soul out there. (But nothing too gory, I'm a sensitive kindred soul)

Reader to reader, let's share some questions.

#fic reader meme #ask game

[anisecandy]

Hiii! Since you said you love asks I'll drop B10, C1 and C3 from the most recent ask game! Also some personal asks; for how long have you been doing art, and how did you end up in the spidervenom fandom? (I'm glad you did! :))

Take care, hon, and feel free to send asks back if you want!

Hello dear~ Thanks for the ask! I indeed do love them!

B10.What book could you just never get into, no matter how hard you tried?

I think any hard science fiction. I'm not a fan of sci-fi in general, but additionally hard sci-fi has very little emphasis on characters, focusing instead on concepts, while personally I'm all about characters, emotions, relationships... Mmm, delicious!

C1.What trope are you tired of reading? Why?

I hate love triangles! Most of the time they bring nothing to the story, that is, doesn't develop the characters, don't say anything about them, bring nothing to the themes... And they are so damn predictible!! I could handle it if the author at least made both love interests equally likely to be the end game, because at the very least I like being surprised by the things I read but that basically never happens! So it's pointless on all levels!! Agrhhhh!!!!

C3.Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?

In fanfiction it's the first person pov. I'm sorry, but I cringe so so hard when it's the first person pov... I just don't trust any writer who uses it in a fic. Your characterization would have to be not only 100% in character but also 100% in line with what I personally headcanon about the character for me to be buy into it. And let's be honest, that's not very likely to happen!

Hm... I honestly think that unlike other people growing up, I just never stopped drawing haha! But I got my first "how to draw" book in elementary school, so... Let's say, about 12 years!

As for the spidervenom fandom, the Tumblr going balistic over the Venom movie made me interested in checking the comics (I didn't watch it until I've already read everything that was to be read at that point). You see, I love monster romance and I've heard symbrock was canon so I had to give it a read! Usually I fall fast and hard for characters, but with them, by my standards of course, it was a bit of a slow burn... Still, at some point I've became enamored! And I did what I always do, when I do when I love a character; started to ship them with the person I think would be the funniest! Symbrock would be a good place to start, not gonna lie, but here's a thing about me; I'm a rarepair junkie. There's something about rarepairs that drives me up the walls. And Symbrock is just too popular lol. So Spidervenom, being conceptually both very rich and hilarious and shockingly unpopular was the obvious pick! And now here I am! Hissing at people that I'm the only one doing any work in this house (creating fanart/fics) and in general going insane!

Thank you for the ask~

(edit: I checked and I think you have asks disabled??)

#ask #ask game

[eldritchmochi]

A N T for that alphabet ask game

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

okay uuuuh i mean, obviously shadowgast i have only written like 300k of it in the past few years. im also quite the fan of ashrym/dashrym and callowmore (tho i like my callowmore on the platonic side personally). i will happily make the dirt wizards kiss ANYONE i do have a widomauk fic in the works and i have an idea for a caleb/yussa fic percolating and theres that one porny art by newt with c3 era caleb paired with ashton and orym that im just :lasereyes: yes i will one day write something for it i stg. also fun fact my First Ship for cr was beauyasha like, ep one. i got like 30 seconds into their first interaction and immediately texted cherry at like two am like PLEASE TELL ME THEYRE A SHIP and lo, they were cannon fucking incredible

outside of cr.... stucky, my beloved, especially with skinny steve because i love that sickly twink; big brother hobie creating Situations for gwen and miles (its hard being wingman to two people when you want them to kiss each other and also theyre idiots); kylux, obvs; rey/finn/poe/rose in basically any combination (i wish i didnt have One Hyperfixation Only type adhd because i would LOVE to write my rey/finn/rose idea where rey and rose are mechanics and finn is having car trouble and then they double team him in the office dont ask me why they have straps in the filing cabinet this is pwp); with hs at one point i would literally randomly generate pwp ideas. i didn't often finish them but it was a good exercise especially in characterization but i was mostly read davekat, daverose, any combo of erisolkat, and davejohn because i fukken pavlov'd myself into liking the ship lmao

shit this is gonna get long here is a read more

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

hhhh i am so sorry if this sounds mean but the bulk of why i dont read a ton of cr fic when i was constantly devouring kylux fic largely boils down to two things

1. the technical stuff is eeh and 2. there is just not a ton of nuance in characterization or plot

both results in me being perpetually frustrated whenever i try to read most of what i open. theres been some gems!! theres also been a lot of stuff with promise where i can tell in a couple years the writer will knock it out of the park!!! but theres also a god awful amount where i'm just like that is not how dicks work lmao

i am sure a lot of that is because the cr fandom skews a lot younger than kylux (where folks are like 20-30 on average instead of 35-50 kinda younger) plus cr has a LOT of esl speakers compared to kylux whereas a TON of kyluxers have degrees in literature or library science, so like, it makes sense that there's a difference, but it still drive me bonkers that i cant just open a fic and read it without closing it halfway through because its too one note :I

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

nope!! i am very ship and let ship in all regards. there are many things i enjoy (like short!essek or the idea that caleb would and probably has made out with all of his friends) that crop up repeatedly across my fic but i'm down for basically any good faith interpretation and i LOVE when someone writes a weird headcannon so well i have to steal it

there are many letters left of this ask meme if anyone else wants to send me a q!! pls enrich the mochi this is fun

#mochi rambles #mochi asks

[kimium]

A4, A8, C3, and C7! For the Ask a Reader meme!

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks for the ask, Shreedle! I love what you picked! Let's get started!

A4: What is your AO3/FFN username? Has it always been that?

I honestly cannot remember my FFN username. I had one, that's all I can remember. What I can tell you is it wasn't Kimium because I had my FFN account before high school.

A8: What was your first fandom? Are you still in that fandom now?

My first fandom is a tie between Sailor Moon and Pokémon. The first fandom I read fanfiction for was a tie between Inu Yasha and Yu Yu Hakusho. I'd say I'm still in the fandom for Sailor Moon, Pokémon, and YYH, but at varying levels. Sadly, I wouldn't consider myself in the Inu Yasha fandom currently.

C3: Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?

I have to list these by novel and fanfiction as they're separate categories.

For a novel what makes me nope out of one so fast is when there is the following:

-A female protagonist who is "not like" the other girls or is a "rebel" or is an "outcast" or is "fighting the system". Sorry, but that's so overdone and boring majority of the time because no one wants to reinvent the story tropes.

-There is a Mysterious, Hot, Male who just Happens to Come into her Life. Sadly majority of the time they play this trope straight and make him the main love interest.

-When romance movies have the main male do things that are 100% illegal/stalker-like/creepy and play them as "cute" and "romantic".

-Too much world building/power systems. Look, I love world building and power systems as much as the next person. I am a shonen anime fan. However, when books have intense glossaries or too many maps in the front before I even begin to read, I'm checking out.

-To side note off this point when there are legitimate family trees in the beginning of the story and notes about who is who in the family I also check out so fast it hurts. Not saying I haven't read stories with those before (see Clytemnestra which I read about a month ago and enjoyed) but sometimes it's too much.

Fanfiction

-NOT SEPARATING YOUR DIALOGUE INTO PARAGRAPHS WILL MAKE ME BACK OUT OF YOUR FIC SO FAST.

-Too much "telling" and not enough "showing". I don't need explanations for everything. You can describe it too.

-Not keeping to the same perspective in a clear, concise manner. I don't mind POV shifts but you cannot do that between paragraphs between characters with no indicators. That's so confusing.

-Writing in first person perspective. I'm sorry... for fanfiction it doesn't work for me.

-Self-inserts/a lot of OCs/Characterxreader: I am not knocking people who like that in their stories, but for me it's not my thing.

C7: Who is your NOTP?

I dislike Gojo/Utahime from JJK so much. It's not even because I'm a big Satosugu shipper. It's because they've barely interacted in the series proper and when they do it's clear Utahime cannot stand Gojo. When people ship them all I can think of is that horrible, horrible romance trope cliché of "She hates him... but secretly loves him" or "they start disliking one another but then FALL IN LOVE". I cannot stand those tropes.

If those two had more scenes/interactions beyond surface level stuff then perhaps I'd buy a bit more into it as an idea, but for now I refuse to even entertain it.

#personal #replies #ask meme #reader ask meme #feel free to ask me more if you want

[revelmaven]

🍉?

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

yeehaw. strap the fuck in. tw for eating disorder

in short: way more than i was prepared for it to. writing fic has always been about two degrees of separation from just keeping a diary for me, and the more i love a character the more likely it is i'll end up using them as a proxy through which to tell a story from my own life that i feel needs to be told.

im currently In The Process of writing a fic that i keep (semi) fondly referring to as an exorcism. the purpose of Communion is twofold: one, to explore what it might look like to commune with the god of death, and what sort of rituals might be necessary to become close to someone whose domain is That; and two, speaking openly about my own eating disorder (and, in later chapters, my experiences with self harm).

this is not something i particularly Delight in talking about. despite my general shock value open-bookedness, actually telling people what happened to me (what i did to myself) in that time is... not something i'd prefer to do. i'm still ashamed of a lot of what happened. i still feel stupid for a lot of the decisions i made, and i feel like people knowing that's something i indulged in will not take me seriously. i'm convinced i should've known better. should've done better. for a long time i had no patience and no grace for my younger self.

i only told, i think, three people that it was happening while it was happening, and only a handful more after it ended - and Nobody got the full story at Any point in the timeline. there were some things i kept my in fucked up little heart of hearts and vowed to die with.

and then. i didn't die. and i still couldn't tell anyone the depth of it - it didn't feel fair to tell anybody the Truth after the fact, not all of it - so instead a not-quite-year of my life got filed away and i have simply tried to avoid its gaze ever since. and the longer it went secret, the more its self-imposed taboo strengthened, and so increased the shame of having done it at all. and that's. i definitely carried and harboured (less so now but still do) a lot of resentment for myself. it was a dumb decision i'd made in my youth, among a myriad of others.

of course, you get older and you hopefully get better - or in my case you don't. i returned my body ostensibly to rights and it immediately fell apart, this time in a way that's seeming to be permanent. i inherited god-knows-what's-syndrome from my mum, and it didn't hit me until my early 20s when it hit her (just over a year into my recovery), and now i live with chronic pain. forever. the body i worked so hard to repair betrayed me ultimately. and i had to decide very quickly if i was going to be angry for the rest of my life, keep pushing myself beyond what i knew was healthy, forcing myself to limits no one in my condition could meet and further (which is arguably definitely a factor in getting me into this mess) - or if i was going to take care of my body, and respect it, even though it could not be fixed.

enter ashton.

i started writing for critical role with a migraine fic about ash a few months after c3 started. before that i'd been writing sanders sides and got pretty much no attention, so i assumed this would continue, posted without a care, and off i went.

and then Softness blew up. and suddenly there was demand. people liked hearing my story. other disabled and chronically-ill people were in my messages talking about how it resonated with them and how they adored my writing style, how i captured the feeling.

and i thought, fuck it. i've got stuff to work through. let's throw it out there.

so i started writing about kingsley, too. i started writing about what it's like not knowing who you are, especially when people, even people you consider family, seem to like you better for who you used to be, or who you remind them of. i started writing about trying to work out who you are. i started writing about nightmares.

something else came up, and i wrote Lucky - because, and if i were to make a tl;dr this would be it - it's easier for me to confront the things i need to about myself when done behind the abstraction of a blorbo.

so naturally we came around to Communion. and i thought, what the hell. maybe it's time to get this out. i'm not angry at myself anymore. enough time has passed and i have put enough grit and spit and effort into being kind to myself that i have sympathy for that kid finally. i look back on what happened, and i would break the world apart to save her from it.

this one is a lot more personal than the others. it was easier - is easier - to write about ashton because the pain is my companion now, whether we like each other or not, and it's something i've grown to have grace for. it's easier to write about kingsley because i've worked out who i am, and the hurt from that is a distant memory. it is not so easy to write about vax, and go through this again, because unlike the others this is Not something i have spoken openly about, and it's Not something i've completely come to terms with. this Is the coming to terms. and while i'm learning to have patience and kindness for that experience, putting the gorey details out where it can be judged and scrutinized by complete strangers is still terrifying. i am still afraid no one will take me seriously. i'm afraid people will see this as nothing more than a story, that i'll have people demanding i slice more of myself off more frequently than i can, that i'll get criticism for it being unrealistic or stupid, that its significance will be downplayed or ignored - laying my trauma naked like that in front of an audience i don't know is both freeing in its anonymity and absolutely shattering when it goes wrong. i'm lucky. the reception for Communion has been amazing in the majority. and getting it out there, having said it - again, it's not that this was something that Dragged At My Soul, as such. but i do find that when i sit down to write a particularly uncensored memory out, when i get back up there is a space where something Used to be, and is not anymore. it feels better.

in all my works, i'm hoping that i can show a younger person like me that the worst thing that can happen to you can happen, and you can still go on and find a good life with great people. you can lose yourself entirely in bad decisions, or tragedy, or what have you - and you can still walk out of that a little while later and start again. that message is as much for me now as it is for anyone else.

thank you for asking <3

still taking requests from this ask list

#zero answers #thank you!!!! nonny!!!!!! #fic asks

[absurdthirst]

https://hunnambabe.tumblr.com/post/652447460101324800/love-language

https://storiesofthefandomlovers.tumblr.com/post/632460912580788224/always-be-my-maybe

https://queenofthefaceless.tumblr.com/post/641386809872596992/bad-guy-javier-pe%C3%B1a-x-femalereader-part-13 sorry to be a pest again looking for fics, I'm getting back into reading them again and some of the ones I used to read I think the writers deactivated or changed usernames.

Not sure about the first but I know @storiesofthefandomlovers and @queenofthefaceless are still the same. The link you just sent me for Always Be My Maybe works.

[reblogs-and-radiation]

so a while back, you made a post abt wanting ‘after the war’ rexanidala fics? i know it’s an older post, but my links don’t work in the replies and i’m technically on hiatus, so if you still want them, here you go:

https://archiveofourown.org/bookmarks?commit=Sort+and+Filter&bookmark_search%5Bsort_column%5D=created_at&bookmark_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=Padm%C3%A9+Amidala%2FCT-7567+%7C+Rex%2FAnakin+Skywalker&bookmark_search%5Bother_bookmark_tag_names%5D=&bookmark_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&bookmark_search%5Bexcluded_bookmark_tag_names%5D=&bookmark_search%5Bbookmarkable_query%5D=&bookmark_search%5Bbookmark_query%5D=&bookmark_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&bookmark_search%5Brec%5D=0&bookmark_search%5Bwith_notes%5D=0&user_id=stars_brownies_and_metaphors

that’s… a huge link lol, but basically it’s all my rexanidala ao3 bookmarks. most fics are soft and sweet, but only a couple are after the war. if you’ve got the three of them on the brain, i hope you find smth you like<3

Oh my god thank you so much! That's so kind of you! I'm always a sucker for rexanidala so I'll be sure to look at those fics when I get the chance! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[rindecisions]

Rindecision’s Eddie Munson Bingo Masterpost

Full list of my creations for @eddiemunsonbingo

C1 | 90’s Grunge Band AU | Grunge Coffin | No Ship

C3 | Riot | You Know Where to Find Me - Live Aid ‘85 | Steddie

There are other fics in the works that were for this, but due to the date being moved to September, I'm unable to release them with the event but still plan to release them.

Instead, I’ll let you know what they were so you can keep an eye out for them when they come out.

A1 & B3 | Revenge & Amputation | The Target | Mungrove & Steddie | DARK FIC | NON-CON WARNING [Was also for the Steve Bingo]

This one is very different from the fics I’ve released before. It’s a fucked up psychological horror. Eddie and Billy are serial killers that choose Steve as a target. Eddie decides to keep him as a pet of sorts. I don’t want to give too much of the plot away, but it’s a rollercoaster of a story.

B1 & C2 | Bodyswap & Mirror Sex | Evil Things | Metal Sandwich [Was also for the Steve Bingo]

I am most excited about this one. It’s an Evil dead homage/parody. Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan go out to Steve’s secluded lake-side cabin to celebrate their graduation. Steve and Robin mess around with the incantation from the movie and end up summoning Eddie and Billy as ghosts. Lots of ghost smut with them teaming up on Steve. Unfortunately, they weren’t the only ones brought back. An evil presence joined them and it’s up to the group with the help of Eddie and Billy to fix it. It’s playful, funny, and sexy. Can’t wait to share!

Either of those catch your eye? After I finish my Steddie Big Bang fic I want to jump back into them and get them out to you guys.

#stranger things #Eddie Munson Bingo #eddie munson #fanfic #fanfiction #steddie #Spotify #Playlist #AO3 #steddie fanfiction #gay #Masterlist

[blorbologist]

✨️🌈🦋 for the fic asks

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I'd have to say Haunt me in burgundy (Imogen/Laudna wump). It was a lot of fun focusing on the color red and dragging Imogen's drawl through her inner monologue. I did some really cool and fucked up imagery in it, I think, and I'm forever a lil sad it didn't get much attention. (On the other hand, it's at exactly 420 hits as of writing this, so - nice)

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

And so will I, my planned/semi-abandoned series looking at Yasha's friendships with the Nein via flower symbolism. I still have the plans for the other chapters, but getting her voice right (let alone Veth's) were huge struggles, on top of all the botany research I did for the two chapters so far. I'm so deeply into C1 and C3 right now that I worry it'll be a huge hurdle to finish the next chapter [her friendship with Jester, ft. Jess talking about the language of flowers and bouquets and a whole bit about how you really know it someone cares or not]. :c But it doesn't have a ship tag so god forbid it get any attention.

[But also, whenever the post-wedding scenes in Two for joy get posted? Know I fucking slaved over them. agonized. drawn and quartered over this shit]

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Another insecurity, because even someone as proud of their fics as I am has 'em and I think it's worth being honest about em.

I worry about seeming like I'm holding the reader's hand and not trusting their imagination enough. Focusing so much time on making sure my understanding of the scene transfers, as well as spelling out the emotional states fairly often with my Intense Introspection Moments kgtnrkn

#my writing #cr fanfic #critical role fanfiction #ask game

[railroad-migraine]

Hello my lovelies!

So as many of you know, I've decided to take requested spooky prompts for our fave Critical Role characters for October. I will start writing them today when work finishes, and I think I'm going to try do the impossible task of posting a mini fic everyday, for 31 days.

Some of your prompts overlapped with other requests, and I only way to write 31 max, so I am sorry if your requested character is not picked for the numbered prompt! However, your character will automatically take another prompt spot on my list and will still get the attention they deserve!

I have a few prompts that have yet to have a character assigned to them, so if you just want to send in random characters/pcs/npcs/guests from C2, C3, and EXU (not calamity), I will fill in those gaps with your suggestions :))

Hope you're well and excited for what's to come!!

~ Poet

Edit: whoever requested Lord Eshteross, I love u

#mod poet #critical role x reader #spooky season fic