#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eisforeidolon · 5 months

Text

In regards to that post [X]:

We could talk about the same old fallacies - OMG, Dean's siren is a guy! Yeah, a brother. OMG, Dean was supposed to say I love you in the Crypt scene! Yeah, it was removed and replaced with what the writer explicitly said was the less OOC version of what he meant anyway, "We're family". We could talk about the blatant absurdity of statements like "Dean liked men it happened on my screen" which bear no resemblance to the SPN that aired. But we've done that before and others have got this reiteration of it well covered.

So I wanna focus for the moment on this particular even more repulsive gem: "Like he literally doesn't need to verbally tell us he's bisexual we just know. He may not know but we do. This is an unmovable fact sorry."

It tells us a few things. One, this person is a fucking idiot. Two, this person, yet again, thinks that ~*interpreting*~ sexuality from the way someone looks/stands/makes eye contact/eats pastry/whatever numbnuts conspiracy bullshit you like? Is more valid than how a character identifies and is identified by those who created him. People can just look at you and know what your sexuality is better than you do, there's nothing repulsive about that idea at all! I've got a mountain of shiny pennies that says if Dean had literally never interacted with a man for the entire span of the series, they would have insisted it was because he was so afraid of how much he wanted to fuck them. There was no way the writers could have written Dean that someone like that would have accepted as actually heterosexual, because that's not what they personally wanted, so that's not what they were going to see.

I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how relatively questionable some of the gay jokes in SPN are, especially in the early years in terms of making queerness a punchline. But if we're going to talk about that? We need to do it not only in the cultural context of 2005 rather than 2023, but in the context of portrayals of real world men - and particularly those in fairly rural settings who aren't going to be particularly conscientious in the way they rib each other. Which becomes a whole other discussion about where to draw lines when you're writing fiction and dealing with things that might be realistic but also potentially offensive.

Furthermore, I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how SPN continually used romantic tropes for platonic relationships and how it's not entirely absurd for that to land different with the audience when the characters are not blood-related. Except that discussion needs to include not just how maybe the writers shouldn't have treated it as such a joke that a relationship between two male characters might have been possible, but also how fans should absolutely not have equated a relationship being theoretically possible with any specific relationship they wanted being owed to them. Especially in the context of those romantic tropes being used so so so much more between brothers all the fucking time setting the tone. As well as how it's not just problematic to treat the possibility of homosexual relationships as a joke, but problematic to insist literally any closeness between two male entities is gay, reinforcing all kinds of nasty toxic stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity which underlay a lot of modern adult men's issues with expressing their emotions and having genuinely close and open relationships outside of their romantic partners. I've seen fans wonder how heterosexual dudes can watch this show and love the brothers' relationship without seemingly noticing the weird undertones of how claustrophobically intertwined they are, and I think it's very much that when it comes to wanting a fantasy of platonic closeness, they're looking for realism as much as most women reading trashy romance novels are - but that's a whole other digression and this is already too long.

At the end of the day, not only was SPN not created in the cultural context of Very Online Tumbrites in 2023, convinced that nothing should ever be is heterosexual and every fictional story should be about them and what they want? The fact their ostensible original point misses is the real world and most other media of 2023 aren't like that either! Some of these shippers come across like they've literally never seen two adult male friends interact with each other or any actual love stories in media - and it's not just early 2000's television characters getting this treatment from entitled shippers who want to use representation as a weapon against creators as to why they're owed things they absolutely aren't.

#destihellers #faux social justice #long post #Dean *exists* = OMG SO BI!

44 notes · View notes

1000punks · 5 months

Text

okay, so i think i've cracked the code

on why the girls, gays and theys all really like BG3

the short answer is the subversion of toxic gender stereotypes and the more or less relateable themes that each character has come up in game, or are implied, long answer under the cut

lots of people have been posting about individual (main and supporting) character motivations, yes but i haven't really seen any analyses based on gender and/or romance situations quite yet (please feel free to point me to them, i love discourse) as well, i am well aware that the romanceable characters are scare quotes "player-sexual" for the most part, but some elements of the gendered experience may feel more relateable to certain groups of players than others. i'm going to refrain as much as i can from making moral judgements (in terms of motivations and alignments) because all of these characters are morally complex. let's take it on a case by case basis, starting with the women in the game (minthara isn't included since i haven't done a playthrough with her as a companion yet :'D): Karlach

Karlach seems like this huge butch imo, but from what i can see she has to battle with the touch starved-ness. i guess you could make the argument here that that feeds into a stereotype about stone butches, but i think it presents a very relatable (and honest) representation of how a LOT of queer folks, especially queer non-men, deal with being touch starved. i think one thing that potentially a lot of queer women and femme-identifying folks can relate to is the fear of being "imposing" in wlw relationships. for example, i would say the fear of coming off as "creepy" or "dangerous." and inversely, the feeling of relief when you're assured that that isn't the case. the other thing that comes up, i think, with Karlach is that there's this stigma surrounding masculine women. for one, she towers over everyone else, and she's a barbarian. on the surface level, that can be extremely intimidating, obviously. but playing through her romance, understanding that she is capable of and honestly, exudes tenderness -- and the majority of which being without touching/sexuality, is just... it's really important y'all okay? Shadowheart

my personal favourite thing about Shadowheart and her storyline is that even if she appears very feminine, there is no part of the game that i can see (thus far) that has railroaded her into that stereotype. not even with the armour choices. in my file, the armour i've picked for her "end-game" level 12 armour is the shar justiciar armour she gets in the gauntlet. it's not stereotypically feminine at all. historically in video games, armour that covers everything on a woman's body (i will bring this up re: Lae'zel as well) is uhh.. really fuckin hard to find.

the other thing is while she may be very femme-coded, she doesn't necessarily use "stereotypical" seduction methods in her romance scenes. her first one is sharing wine with you and kissing, that's pretty much it, right? and if you call her beautiful, instead of acting coy, she says "i know." and thanks you for noticing. she doesn't need someone to simper over her and tell her that. she's also never shy about telling you exactly what she wants, whether in a romantic or platonic situation. picasso, i like it. Lae'zel

jesus, what can i start with here? this woman is an extremely skilled fighter, wears heavy armour, wields a fucking greatsword that's bigger than she is, all while being like, 5 feet tall. her first romance scene shows me that she is interested in sex but is primarily concerned with her own pleasure (this can be read in a positive or negative way of course: positive being she is getting hers, and negative being not concerned with her partner's pleasure). not only that but she is not interested in having kids at all, based on in-game dialogue. and like i mentioned with shadowheart, her armour (most of the gith armour options you can put her in, i would guess) are full sets of armour - minus the admittedly a little weird lack of butt coverage on most of the gith plate and half-plate that i've seen her in. uhh, yeah- wow. in a romance, it seems like she fits the "shrew" stereotype, but i argue that for lae'zel, it's more about respecting Tav than it is about swooning over them (and knowing that they're passionate). if she doesn't respect Tav, there's no way she's going to share a bed with them, never mind anything else. that to me, shows a woman who has self-respect, which isn't often something shown so strongly in a video game/media in general especially when it's written by men (which is fucking unfortunate!! i hate it!!) i think this is beaten over our heads as players most blatantly when she challenges you to a fucking duel in act 2 and then if Tav wins she boinks them right in the middle of camp. Jaheira

Jaheira is old enough to have adult children, for one. i know she's an elf, and there's some in-game dialogue that alludes to her having extended her lifespan, etc. but for argument's sake, let's say she's middle aged - she is in friggin' top physical condition. and while during the events of bg3 she is a widow, you think that's gonna stop her from meeting her goals? not only that, but her adventures didn't suddenly stop when she became a mother. there's not much of a romance element to her storyline, but she's definitely biffing off a lot of stereotypes about older women and mothers here.

the men - most of my arguments here are going to come back to the utter lack of hypermasculinity/toxic masculinity:

Wyll

he talks about dancing with you in his first romance scene, not seducing you - in fact, he shares a really chaste kiss and then is like "but now isn't the time to jump into bed, actually." he friggin blushes, because thinking about a romance with you gets him all giddy. the man dances for you. then he goddamn proposes to you like a proper gentleman. he is concerned with family. he's concerned with Karlach's well-being. he's concerned with other people's emotions, and is extremely considerate of them. he's pacted with Mizora, not some unseen super masc devil. Mizora the friggin danger femme. lastly, and i think this is really important: Wyll, regardless of a high-fantasy setting, is a black man. i am well aware that eschewing the many stereotypes of hypermasculinity in regards to black men specifically, cannot be undone with one video game, but i think it does a lot. it could do more, of course - but i feel that Larian made a wholehearted attempt with this specifically.

Minsc

the man is large and very visually "stereotypically masculine," yes, but all of his actions are either influenced by Jaheira or Boo. case closed, your honor. i'm joking. but really, Minsc respects and admires Jaheira intensely as a comrade. and what she thinks seems to matter more to him than his own motivations. that's what made it so easy for the Bhaalist assassins to manipulate him - they just had one person pose as Jaheira. boom.

Halsin

another very visually "stereotypically masculine" man, yes- but i have three things: he's open to polyamory that is represented in the game more or less in a healthy way he's very concerned with consent, both in a monogamous romance or a polyamorous one - this includes the bear scene, he does ask about it before like, barrelling into it (and no i'm not poking that bear any more than i have to in this post) uhh, have you heard him talk to/about Tav? my my. not only that but this man is quite literally built like a bear, yet he is a druid, literally about all things nature. you could make the argument that this subverts the nature/culture; emotion/reason debate as it relates to gendered roles.

Gale

okay so, not only has it been confirmed/alluded to by in-game dialogue that Gale does the cooking for the camp- (specifically by Wyll if i recall correctly), he's also just a fairly forthcoming person with his feelings and insecurities. i know a lot of people have deemed that a bit annoying, but i do think there is some value in it. for example, he is a little self-deprecating about being a bad kisser, but it's his way (especially if you read him as autistic) of saying "hey, i'm insecure about this and i usually spend a lot of time alone in a mother fucking tower in waterdeep." i.e. i don't exactly know how to do this. he's an honest, giving, and kind man, and is just as likely to show you as he is to tell you how his heart and mind function. he wants you to understand him. he's also very idealistic- that of course can be a double edged sword, but i think he comes by it honestly as well. given his background with Mystra. i shouldn't even need to mention it but the way the "with you i forget my goddess" and the "you would really prefer me as i am?" lines wrench my heart- like, okay that's very romantic but he's also (imo) accepting that he, a human man, cannot be perfect. that to me is like anti-toxic masculinity in the sense of accepting that a real relationship is where two people are equals and that it's founded in mutual respect and adoration. not unrequited love and service (especially service).

Astarion

get at me if you want, but this man is in touch with his feminine side. i would personally call him high femme, but that's a little besides the point, he sews, appreciates fashion, yada yada. the next part about him i want to discuss as delicately as possible- he's very forthcoming (once he feels relatively safe and in control of the situation at hand) with his experiences as an ab-se/SA survivor. most men do not have the space to do this, nor are they actively encouraged to share their experiences. and with that, depending on dialogue choices, he wants to cease all intimate contact and go at his own pace. not expecting men to be sexual is kind of big on its own, but given his background, i think it's especially important in his storyline. furthermore, in the spawn!romance stream, he is very explicit about moving forward with Tav as equals.

Raphael

you.. y'all. you already know what i'm going to say regarding the dialogue with Haarlep. i don't really know if i have anything to add besides reiterating that men do not have to be these perfect, virile sexual machines.

Extra Stuff

the emphasis on consent: whether it's in a romance dialogue or if it's the game warning you "you're about to do xyz, are you sure?!"

specifically consent in the romance dialogues though: there are usually 3-4 chances for you as the player to be like "actually, i don't want to do that"

queer couples (npc + npc or pc + companion) are just.. normal. once you get to the lower city you'll hear a ton of ambient dialogue where it will be like "my husband blah blah blah" and you look and it's a gnome and his dragonborn husband standing in the street

uhh, hi larian jumping on the character creator with gender neutral and gender-mixed/mixable options, way to make the player base feel seen. hearing my Tav (Festé) be referred to as "they" in dialogue without issue (especially glaring grammatical ones like i've seen in other games) was really big for me, personally.

openly trans npcs. the defense rests, your honor. okay but imagine my surprise when i hear abigail fucking thorn in a completely missable dialogue scene, where she (the character) talks openly about the fact that she is a fucking trans woman. like.

#baldur's gays #.txt #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 companions

16 notes · View notes

alexawynters · 9 months

Text

Question to the trans men out there, I am in need of some advice, please!!!

(People from home I think I cleared you out but if I missed you and you see this post - no you didnt)

So this is probably weird and please don't judge me, but.. how did you always know you were a guy? How did you know, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body, or were there other clues?

Just asking because.. well.. just for some background, I am afab lesbian, but when I was little my daycare once asked me which Disney character I'd like to be and I apparently said "Aladdin ", and I think about that a lot.

I also think about how I always felt wrong growing up, and then I learned about lesbians and I thought "oh I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just a lesbian".

But.. I don't know? Haha. Weird. My friends say I'm way too feminine in my mannerisms to ever be a dude the few times I've jokingly brought it up. Not sure if that's just the patriarchy and toxic masculinity or if they're right and I'm just super confused lol 🙃 I will absolutely give them that I do have what are considered to be feminine mannerisms and I am absolutely very in touch with my emotions (I will cry at the drop of a hat - I'm squishy, don't yell at me).

I've always been friends with girls, I've always liked/loved girls. I know for a fact I'm attracted to women, and I'm not overly fond of men. The few male friends I have are usually trans men, or gay men, but even they are few and far between.

I love video games, I love adventurous things like horse back riding or going to the shooting range, but I also love when my girl friends want to come spill the tea, I get super giddy, like come on girrrlll, spill! He said wHAT?! The AUDACITY!

But also I hate my body. Total body dysmorphia, I cry and vomit when I have to look in the mirror too long. To be clear this is not just because I am over weight although that certainly doesn't help. My tits are DDD and I mean they're fantastic if I wanna wear a blouse (barf), but if I wanna wear a t-shirt it makes like this weird shelf I hate it.

I look at men's bodies, even those not super fit, and I'm envious. The jaw, the shoulders. The fit of the clothes, ughhh I wish my clothes fit ME like that! I've tried! Multiple exercises, I've seen masc women say get rid of your curves to help build that physique but it never seems to do the job. Everyone compliments me on my highly hourglass figure. I hate it.

I see tiktok and Tumblr posts of trans men who are almost fully transitioned, and they look so happy in themselves, so confident. They look like how *I* want to look.

Growing up, any time I tried to wear anything I felt remotely comfortable in, my mother would say I looked like a "dyker-biker" (wtf even is that insult, mom???). Which isn't inherently anything bad, but the way she said it always made me feel like I should be ashamed, so I feel like I learned to avoid wearing the clothes I actually wanted to wear.

I hate dresses and skirts. I don't care what temperature it is outside. I would rather die than wear either. Shorts, pants, or nothing.

I've sort of tried to broach the topic with friends as I mentioned, and they always say I'm too feminine, or I would have to be gay (no offense men, no thank you). Don't get me wrong our entire friend group is queer lf some sort with the exception of two token straight friends, so the topic should be safe with them if I qanted to bring it up more seriously. But the brushing it off has me terrified. They used to talk about a former friend of ours for example when we were in college and you know figuring ourselves out, who used to waffle between their identity and we all (I'm ashamed to say I went along eith it) said they were just doing it for the attention or to go with the flavor of the month.

Well.. I don't want them to think that about me. Karma is a bitch haha. Especially not my best friend. She's been my best friend for almost two decades, we've had ups and downs, we've grown, we've been through everything together. She's like my sister. I don't know what I would do if I figured this out, made some decision, and lost her because of it.

I know that's doing her and our friendship a disservice, we have grown, we aren't in hs or college anymore. She is the most caring and understanding person I've ever met, but I'm so, so scared.

That's not even to speak of my family. My mother took twenty five years to properly accept that I'm gay. She nearly crashed the car when I first came our (not my best timing tbf). My mother and I have finally made great strides in repairing our relationship, I'm not sure I want to rock the boat with even trying to figure this out.

I thought when I moved from Mississippi to Denver that I would leave everything and everyone behind and start over completely so I could figure this out. That didn't happen because life is fucking expensive and I ended up moving with some friends back home, I haven't really made any new friends and I certainly haven't let go of the old. I'm terrified to explore any of this, but I'm so tired of feeling miserable and not feeling like I'm myself. I don't know who that person is yet but I'm 34 and I want to finally finally figure that out and then be them.

So I guess I'm wondering, how do you know? How do you know who you are? And is it possible that I could just be a straight man in a woman's body? While still maintaining my mannerisms? Or maybe I'm just supposed to be a butch 'bean? But that doesn't feel right either. Idk lol pls send help haha I'm not crying while I write this or anything it's fine.

Also sorry this is all over the place.

#queer community #trans #gender fluid #gender queer #lesbians #ftm

11 notes · View notes

runthepockets · 6 months

Text

I've been thinking a lot about "the war on masculinity" today and I came to this conclusion: I don't believe there's any grand war being waged on it, or that men are being "pussified", or whatever, but I do have reservations and resentment toward anything that boils down to "if men would just embrace their feminine sides and paint their nails and wear pink and show their soft sides more, everything would be perfect!" and nothing beyond that.

Look. I like stuffed animals, and chick flicks. There was a point in my life where I was a "boy with long hair" (I had dreads and cornrows till I was like, 14) I tell my little brothers and my dad and my roommate and my friends and pretty much everyone I love in my life that I love them and miss them and am proud of them and when I'm sad or insecure like, every day. I'm chill with dudes who like makeup and skirts and pink stuff, and wholeheartedly believe there's merit and letting these guys know they're as sexy and desirable as any flannel wearing, beefed up dude. I'll admit that there was a point in my life where I was that of your standard homophobic middle school straight boy where I turned my nose up at / mocked guys like that, but now I'm older and wiser and learned better and I have no ill will or condescending remarks or anything to say toward them. I know all that soft stuff pretty intimately, and feel no shame in admitting anything of it.

That said: I still kinda hate the idea that in order to be seen as "nonthreatening" I gotta divulge all of these things about myself. I won't say it's a large scale issue, or whatever, but I do sense the hesitation when I see people recommending that men who worry about their positions as patriarchs under patriarchy and what that means for the women and kids and gay people in their lives, who have never explicitly expressed any prior interest in experimenting with their presentation or interests or genders, simply "accept the feminine side they're so obviously in denial of" as the solution to combatting the capitalist white supremacist patriarchy and the rigid gender roles they're beholden to rather than, like, advising those guys to pick what they like about their current interest / presentations and shirking off all the bits that come off as chauvanistic (IE: I'm a heterosexual, working class dude from the south. I like guns, I like fancy pocket knives, gritty rock music, I like old school muscle cars and 90s pickup trucks and doing shit with my hands. I'm also black and a huge nerd, and am fully aware that these subcultures are very gatekeep-y toward women and gay people, let alone myself as another straight dude solely because of the color of my skin, so I just treat everyone that shows any interest in them the same as I would any other dude.) and simply proceeding on as you were before.

Again, I think it's great that men are very openly wearing skirts and painting their nails and watching magical girl animes, and stuff. That shit is wicked, and I know the occassional "friendly reminder that it's ok for boys to be soft" or "I love boys who've undergone the trials and tribulations of unpacking toxic masculinity, I feel so safe around them" post is helping more than it hurts, and generally isn't the grander opinion society draws to and needs to be said as a result. But also.....idk man, you can't be telling me the only way to escape hegemonic masculinity as a man is by being more like Harry Styles. Or by telling girls you listen to Pop Music and cry over Disney movies. Like even in a world without patriarchy, that's not going to be most men. Even under patriarchy, that's not all women. That's not a sustainable mindset. This can't be all there is. Surely there's a way to enjoy action movies and archery as a man without alienating the marginalized people around you or having to compromise yourself.

4 notes · View notes

north-park · 8 months

Note

About the Barbie movie, I feel like when people say Butters would be Ken they mean that as a dig at Butters, like "No, Butters is an awful misogynist! He's not a good person!" but from what I understand Ken being misogynistic in the movie had a lot to do with him being just ignorant of what the patriarchy even is, thinking it has to do with horses, and that's why he fell into toxic masculinity? (I haven't seen the movie yet but that's what I've heard.) Which I feel is actually accurate to Butters' personality as often when he's doing something horrible it comes from being misinformed or unaware of how wrong what he's doing is and not an actual place of malice. So I don't think some people saying Butters is Ken is the horrible label they intend it to be. Not really sure why I'm sharing this but it's a thought I've had for a little while and I guess your post just gave me a chance to mention it to someone.

Yeah i totally understand what you mean and i agree!

I don't know if you want to ever see the movie but here's a little summary of Ken's story:

Ken is Barbie's love interest, his character was born to be just that, all his desires amount to wanting Barbie to notice him and to fall in love with him, Barbieland is run by Barbies and Ken do nothing, I think it's worth mentioning that Ken's love for Barbie is very.... realistic and not really how a kid would potray a couple with their dolls, he is very jelaous and possessive of her, doesn't like that his Barbie (there are many Barbie in this movie but he is in love with the MC Barbie) gives attention to other Kens or other Barbies, wants to do boyfriend/girlfriend things despite not understanding it either, he is just a friend for her and Ken is pretty conflicted about it

In Barbieland his role is pretty minor, all professions are run by Barbies and only Barbies and what Kens do all day is standing on the beach doing beach things and tecnically don't have rights or homes (Ken is NOT homeless in the Barbieverse, i think this is just a jab to the fact there is no Ken's house toy IRL but, uh, it raises a lot of questionsabout this world), basically imagine the usual "what if gay was the norm" video but with genders instead, but despite all being a pretty dystopian place Barbieland is a very nice to Ken, but it's not enough once Ken goes to the real world to follow Barbie's journey, without her permission

Once arrived in the real world, this is where Ken's arc really kickstarts, in this world he sees men are treated better than women and he, really, really likes it, he isn't just an equal to Barbie but even treated better than her, Barbie hates it because the real world is so awful and misogynist to her but instead he tries to understand why this world is like this by reading books (which is kinda weird now i think about it, the dolls don't know even how to drink but they can read real language?) about the patriarchy and horses, an animal who he gets really obsessed with and symbolized masculinity in movie, but it's no "perfect" for him either, he tries to land an high profile job like being a surgeon or a CEO with no qualifications for it, he can't even return to his old "beach" job in the real world, which gives him the idea to return to Barbieland and make that virgin society in his Patriarchy Dreamland where men rules and girls drools and Barbie loves him like she should

Once it's Barbie's turn to return to Barbieland she finds out all the Kens rule it now with an iron first and they brainwashed all Barbies into being misogynistic caricatures of their old selves, who do nothing but serve and stroke Kens' ego and just are their girlfriends with no aspiration or profession (this is basically where the Wieners Out plot is centred, more or less)

Yadda yadda, but the Barbies overthrown "Kendom" (which is a cool ass name c'mon) and everything returns to normality even if now all the dolls seem to have more self-awareness now, the Kens want rights now and to be given the same opportunities as the Barbies but Prez Barbie just accepts it halfway and the narration says maybe one day the Ken will have the same power women have in the real world? (Greta Gerwin's frail libfem mind would explode in a million of pieces if you told her about Margaret Thatcher)

Barbie rejects Ken's romantic feelings forever but is still willing to help him and figure out his own role in the world, this is where she asks him sorry for everything which angered a lot of people because she did nothing wrong and Ken didn't asked forgiveness either, but I kinda get it because Barbie and Ken have been best friends since forever and you sometimes have to ask sorry for nothing in friendship, and Ken has been suffering from the same existential dread as she did if not more this entire movie, but i get the anger because Ken was a dick to her, enslaved most her friends, stole her HOME, threw all her clothes out and just made a pretty embarassing scene just to humiliate her, and made her cry. :/

Film ends with Ken accepting he can't always get everything but that's fine too, he is "Kenough", MC Barbie decides to leave Barbieland forever and go find in the real world what her ending really is and turns into a real human able to create an idea instead of just being one, i kinda liked that despite Ken liking the real world more he stayed in Barbieland because living in the real world still would mean going throught hardship and sufferings and in reality he just wants it easy, but Barbie is stronger, she is ready for more..... i think? If the movie wanted to make our Barbie an human she should have found something for HER beside a couple of friends instead of just finding life beautiful because.

Which is where my ultimate problem in Ken's character in this movie relies, Barbie starts as a blank state, in her journey towards humanity she builds her personality piece by piece thanks to the people she meets like Gloria and Sasha (the human characters who honestly deserved to be the real protagonists of this movie), but Ken just kinda starts with his own personality? Which is just sorta of messy, it really makes you wonder why it's not Barbie herself to sing a song or read a book about an animal she found interesting, when Ken turns Barbieland into Kendom it start looking way more similar to the real world which i really hated, the idea the real world is for men and a childish dreamland is for women is just a bunch of stupid bullcrap

The most interesting personality trait this Barbie was given is that she geniunely believes she invented feminism and that she was the best thing to happen to women when the characters themself kinda tear her down on that, but still love her for the joy and sense of freedom she brought to people, sadly the reason this pretty cool plot is just brushed off is because Greta Gerwin herself believes that she invented feminism and is the best thing that happened to women, not Barbie, herself.

#this has nothing to with butters south park this is just the mini review i wanted to make about barbie #sorry if you don't care about any of this this ask just gave me the occasion to rant about this movie #sorry mutuals i had a barbie moment #my post #ask me

1 note · View note

writingawaymylife · 1 year

Note

queer is a slur, but it's also an identity, like those two things can be true at the same time. I'm glad you've never seen/heard it used as a slur directed at you but that doesn't change the fact that lots of people /have/

Yes, Queer has been used as a slur. The word Queer originally meant that something was peculiar or different.

However, it was also used by gay men quite comfortably as well. Queer was another category within gay culture; like how the terms twink and bear are now sometimes used to refer to a specific kind of gay man. In all actuality the usage of the word to predominantly mean something negative and disreputable only began to pick up mainstream popularity around the 1930's or 1940's, though the words negative usage towards gay and of people was thought to have established its roots in the 19th century, alongside gay subcultures adoption of the term.

This is where the term eventually started to lose its popularity amongst gay men. Just like it is with many different labels attached to identities, new words came up and began to be used by later generations, and Gay became the more popular term. In actuality, it was Gay men who started pushing the word Queer into a more negative light, far more than mainstream media. Because they didn't want to identify with it, and didn't want the word to be used for them. Furthermore, some of these Gay men are who officially turned the word into a slur, and often times the distaste for the usage of Queer was rooting in toxic masculinity. Queer mean "effeminate" and they didn't want to be seen as anything other than masculine men.

You can even look at the history of the words presences within the Webster dictionary. Where the word developed from its original meaning and eventually turned to just be used to refer to homosexuality. Which, isn't negative. There is no negative context to that.

But the word has been used by generations. And as it began to regain popularity within what we would not call the LGBTQ2+ community, it slowly changed its meaning and turned into an umbrella term that anyone within the community can use.

When it comes to the word Queer both sides need to be acknowledged within our community, and I won't bend on that. There are people who will see the word as meaning something negative, or who simply won't connect with it, and by all means then don't use the word, there is nothing wrong with that. However, there is also a very large portion of the LGBTQ2+ community that do use that word, and some who even connect with it more than any other that they have access to.

There are many words that are perceived as taboo or "wrong" by people within the community, who don't take into account the people who do use those words. Think transsexual. I know my friends don't like using that word, and I respect that, but I also find myself using it to refer to myself just as much as I use Transgender, and the only word I use more than those is Queer.

Words and their meaning change. Get thrown out and replaced. Come back into usage. That's just how it works.

Lastly, I want to say that assuming I have not had the word used against me with negative intentions is genuinely foolish. I've had Queer, Gay, F*g, F**got, Tr*anny all used against me in attempts to make me feel pain. Yet I still use all those when referring to me. Gay has been used as a slur for many people, and it did have a history as being a slur just as it begant to be used as a label (seeing the pattern here?), and I still use it. Of course there is no fighting about the other words, those are certainly slurs, though I still use them when referring to myself and my group of friends often call each other those words, even though we acknowledge the fact that they were and are slurs.

But Queer and Gay are my words. They aren't meant for people filled with pathetic hatred and ignorance. And they can try all they want to take them from me but it isn't working. Queer is who I am.

#i think this is important to post #idk why i forgot to post it BUT here it is #aerins thoughts

2 notes · View notes

hakkiest · 1 year

Note

yeah, that makes sense! masculinity isn't an inherently marginalizing factor in itself in the way that femininity is, because of the more rigid and harmful roles and prejudices associated with femininity, but masculinity can factor heavily other forms of marginalization against someone who doesn't fit properly (i.e. anyone perceived as not being a cishet white abled upper class man). masculinity remains an important part of these identities, but it doesn't have the same kind of baggage. i see it less as a 'disguise' for other prejudices, and more as a sort of hypocritical self-justification: toxic masculinity is emphasized against more acceptable targets, used to punish people Othered by society. it's not that toxic masculinity is a smokescreen for the Real reason for oppression, it's that it's a useful way to demonize 'deviant' kinds of perceived masculinity.

i think the thing is that intersectionality is really important when you look at oppression and its roots, and toxic masculinity is a part of the hatred that forms those prejudices. it's not that bigots hate masc queer men for being queer, not masc - both of those aspects of the target's perceived identity work together to drive the hate directed at them. (you'll notice i use the word perceived a lot - that's because generally, bigotry is less motivated by who you are and more by what the bigot thinks you are. look at how toxic masculinity is weaponized against transfems to paint them as evil invading men: the people affected by that rhetoric usually aren't men, but they're seen as having an inherent 'maleness' that makes the idea of a trans woman in a women's restroom so appalling to bigots).

the point that i'm trying to get to, despite my adhd making me go on so many tangents, is that all the different aspects of one's identity are punished together - masc, gay, trans, etc are grouped up in the mind of an oppressor and the hatred against them will reflect that and be informed by all of these different ideas. let's go back to the example of femme trans men: a lot of the transphobia i've seen directed at them emphasizes painting them as stupid, self-righteous, attention seeking girls who don't understand what they're doing to themselves. this kind of hatred is undeniably based in misogyny, but you can't just say 'it's not because they're feminine, it's because they're trans', when both of those things are a part of it. that's the idea of intersectionality that's being focused on, and the post that sparked this was about how people even in feminist spaces can forget about the little biases that contribute to the whole, and unintentionally harm those around them as a result.

my final aside: yeah, thank you very much for being civil and understanding and all! i think the original people on that post are just too used to bad faith arguments from transphobes and the like, and didn't see past the first red flags. and it's a lot easier to just be uncivil than to try and help each other understand where we're both coming from. but thank you so much for listening, and i'm very happy to have this conversation!

yeah for sure! im a little bit worried abt the post spreading tho, i dont think my first response was all that good and then it got quite shitty from then on. im really not looking forward to it getting notes, but either way thank you for this! feel free to tag the first op on our conversation, they have me blocked but perhaps they'd like to add something in the end. this was very nice tho!

#referring to op as them cause i cant check their pronouns. cause im blocked. but alas

2 notes · View notes

dearweirdme · 11 months

Note

taehyung seems more of an ally than part of the community imo. he could very well be queer but i just never got that vibe from him, i always felt like he's just a huge ally of the community. same as namjoon, who shares a lot of queer art and media through his platform but i still don't think he's attracted to men. he shared a lesbian couple from a movie he was watching yesterday and it felt like a "happy pride month" kind of post lol. i feel like the members take it upon themselves to be educated on minority communities and show public support to make their fans feel more welcomed. i could be wrong and they could both be part of the community but i just never base my guesses of their sexualities on what kind of media they share or what kind of clothes they wear, if that makes sense. cause all of them wear clothes that highlight societal issues or social movements to show their support. doesn't make them all part of all of those communities. their sexualities to me, are based more on how they interact with the same sex and the opposite sex. i've never seen jungkook showing interest in a woman for example, so i think he's most likely gay, or maybe bi with a male preference. as for tae, i've seen him show interest in namjoon, yoongi, jin, hobi, jungkook and jimin all in the same manner, which is kinda flirty and non-toxic-masculinity like, which they all portray to an extent but tae seems extra comfortable, so i always thought he's just secure in his sexual identity and doesn't shy away from skinship or flirtations with men (especially the bts members) cause it's already part of the job and he's comfortable with them. i'm yet to see him show interest in a man in a way that seems like genuine attraction though

Hi anon!

I am really big on ‘when someone shows you their colors, believe them’ and while that usually goes for character, I think it applies here too. I think Tae’s sharing of queer content is so often linked to himself. Like him actively dancing along to Leslie Cheung, him wearing queer clothing, actively reading out that script of Call me by your Name like my last anon mentioned, etc… like he actively makes himself a part of it. I have less tabs on Namjoon, but does he do it like that?

And as one of my other anons pointed out. An ally wouldn’t have released Stigma. Namjoon even pointed out Stigma being Tae’s story. What sins could Tae have committed, what could he have had to hide? Everything just points to Tae being queer to me.

And... without wanting to really go there, but imo Tae has definitely shown interest in the male body. A few instances do come to mind.

#anon #taekook

1 note · View note

the-breath-in-air · 3 years

Text

Four Queer Movies About White Toxic Masculinity and Homophobia

Plenty of movies deal with the ways in which internalized homophobia hurts the gay and bisexual men who embody it. In Brokeback Mountain, Ennis is stuck in a mindset of toxic masculinity, and for the most part this manifests in his own misery as he's unable to really have a life with Jack Twist.

In contrast, the films below look at characters whose toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia manifest as violence against other people - namely, out gay men. And for some reason, this is a sub-genre of film that I find intriguing. So here are a list of 4 movies about toxic masculinity and homophobia, as explored through a queer lens.

All these movies have trigger warnings for: violence, blood, sexual violence, and homophobia.

In chronological order of US release:

Tom at the Farm (2013) (directed by Xavier Dolan, based on the play by Michel Marc Bouchard) - Tom at the Farm is a French-Canadian psychosexual thriller in which Tom (Xavier Dolan) travels to rural Canada to attend his boyfriend's funeral. While there, Tom finds out his boyfriend hadn't come out to his mom, Agathe (Lisa Roy) or his brother, Francis (Pierre-Yves Cardinal). The psychosexual aspect comes from the interaction between Francis and Tom. Francis is extremely homophobic and physically violent to Tom. Yet he's also clearly attracted to him. And Tom is drawn to Francis, as he deals with his grief at the loss of his boyfriend. (Additional trigger warning for choking).

Drown (2015) (directed by Dean Francis, based on the play by Stephen Davis) - Drown is an Australian sexual thriller/horror movie in which Phil (Jack Matthews), an out gay lifesaver (lifeguard), joins a new lifesaving club. Len (Matt Levett) and Meat (Harry Cook) are forced to contend with their own secrets and repression as Phil disrupts the status quo. The story is told through Len's perspective and there the camera depicts a really queer eye. Which is good, in that it ensures that the audience understands what's motivating Len from the outset. He's hiding himself from everyone around him, but the audience knows. The tension and horror aspect come from not knowing how queer Len will let himself be before breaking, and also not knowing how far Len's going to take his homophobic violence - will someone end up dead. (Additional trigger warnings for vomit, parental abuse, and sexual assault).

Beach Rats (2017) (written and directed by Eliza Hittman) - Beach Rats is an American movie that takes place in Brooklyn, New York. Frankie (Harris Dickinson) spends his summer days hanging out with his friends on the beach, doing drugs, and picking up girls on the pier. But he's also secretly going online to hook up with older men at night. This is more of a straight forward drama than the other movies on this list. The tension here comes from Frankie (and the audience) not knowing which life and choices he'll make. (Additional trigger warning for sexual assault).

Consequences (2018) (written and directed by Darko Stante) - Consequences is a Slovenian film about a teenager, Andrej (Matej Zemljič) who is sentenced to a youth detention center after committing some small crimes. While there, he ends up attracted to Željko (Timon Šturbej), the self-appointed leader of a group of boys at the detention center. The adults who run the center are largely incompetent, and so the boys largely do whatever they want - which means a whole lot of vying for status in their hierarchy. (It's been awhile since I've seen this film so I'm not sure if there are any additional trigger warnings).

254 notes · View notes

roostertuftart · 2 years

Note

Talk about Kyle

Cool I'm going to take this opportunity to talk about Kyle and masculinity because there's been a lot of discourse on the subject lately. I want to put my input that is less on whether or not it's problematic and more on how the show itself portrays Kyle and his relationship to masculinity and femininity. I'm not dissing the conversation about whether feminine Kyle is problematic/antisemitic to be clear- I just don't really feel like I have much of a say about that whole thing as a goy, and I really want to talk about this in terms of the show's portrayal rather than the fandom's. All I will say about that conversation is that I think there's fair points on both sides, and considering Jewish fans seem pretty divided on the subject, you should probably look into multiple Jew's perspectives on it if possible before coming to your own conclusion.

So with all that being said, please don't take this as my saying that people who disagree with my take are bad people or that you're not allowed to think I'm wrong. I feel pretty strongly about this and will defend it, but I don't hate you because you have a different opinion.

So my thesis is that Kyle is masculine, has just about always rejected presenting effeminately, and this is due to his own preferences rather than some deep rooted toxic masculinity that you might see in a character like Cartman or Stan.

In in the episode "South Park is Gay", the town becomes somewhat carried away with the trend of "metrosexuality" that is when straight men dress "gay" which just means more feminine. This episode is frustrating for a number of reasons I won't get into today such as implying that femininity and weakness go together or claiming gays exclusively own gender nonconformity (they don't), but as far as developing Kyle as a character, it's VERY good, and I really appreciate Kyle's feelings towards men being feminine because he's actually really healthy towards it?? I know some contrarian is going to bring up how Kyle tried to murder the Queer Eye guys but this wasn't because they were feminine or gay, it was because after being beat up by the other boys and abandoned by his friends, Kyle was frustrated and blamed them for making him no longer fit in. However, through out the actual episode, Kyle shows no real judgement of his friends or their choice of fashion or interests. He doesn't even show much surprise or disgust when he first sees them dressing differently, nor does he really object to their attempt to give him a makeover and feminize him. Kyle tries to fit in, but after about a day or two of going along with it, Kyle finds himself uncomfortable and unhappy being feminine like everyone else is and asks Chef for guidance. Chef tells Kyle that he should do what feels comfortable for him- Just be himself. So Kyle does that, goes back to dressing as he normally does. At no point after this does he begin to judging his friends or anyone else for being different from him, and it's only after he's bullied for being different himself that he begins to feel frustrated and fed up with the new trend. Even at this point, Kyle doesn't show any sign of disgust, and throughout the rest of the episode, Kyle just claims that he likes being who he is, and that no one is going to change him. I think this is honestly an important message that I see rarely if ever in media- It's okay to be masculine, it's okay to enjoy being masculine. You don't have to like being feminine, you just shouldn't judge men who ARE feminine and you should recognize that being feminine yourself doesn't make you less of a man- It's just a personal choice. Kyle is the best portrayal of this that I've ever seen. As I've already said, he doesn't mind trying to be feminine and doesn't get embarrassed or grossed out- But ultimately he chooses not to be because personally he just doesn't like being feminine and that's more than okay! He's a proudly masculine presenting boy with no problem towards femininity and that's what healthy masculinity looks like!

While "South Park is Gay" is certainly the most blatant evidence of Kyle and his relationship towards femininity, the entire show itself has a general lack of Kyle ever choosing to present himself in a feminine manner for aesthetic choice- The only opposing example I can think of being when Kyle chose a female avatar in World of Warcraft. I think this matches up with the rest of my view on him though- Kyle doesn't mind femininity, he doesn't mind playing a female character in a video game if he prefers their design or makes a character out of them. But he doesn't like presenting feminine himself.

I also want to bite this in the butt before it's mentioned, but I do not believe Kyle's choice to identify as "gender neutral" (so I'm going to assume nonbinary) in The Fractured but Whole negates anything I've said for a multitude of reasons- First off being that Kyle identifying as nonbinary doesn't mean he can't still prefer a masculine presentation. For example, it's very conceivable for Kyle that he just personally doesn't feel strongly about gender or being fully male, but this doesn't mean he can't entirely prefer a masculine presentation. Many nonbinary people who lack any really relationship with binary genders feel strongly in presenting one way. You don't have to be androgynous to be an enby! I'll add that Kyle being masculine doesn't negate the idea of him being a binary trans guy either, and I'm not sure why it would?? But I've seen it in the discourse so I figure I'd mention it. Back on the topic of the Human Kite though, I don't even personally think Kyle is nonbinary because of his choice to play a nonbinary character. This of course doesn't mean you can't headcanon him that way, but the Human Kite is a character, and as I already mentioned, Kyle has shown no issue playing characters who's genders are different than his own. In the game itself, Kyle makes it pretty clear that he does not consider himself and the Human Kite to be one in the same- The clearest example of this being how vehemently Kyle rejects his character being associated with Judaism. I don't think this is because Kyle suddenly is embarrassed about being Jewish or the idea of playing a Jewish character, but because the Human Kite just isn't supposed to be a version of him- He's a fictional persona Kyle drew up for a game and Kyle clearly cares a lot about the character as a character. Kyle would never denounce his faith as a Jew but the Human Kite, in the canon Kyle made for them, is not a Jew like Kyle is, the same way that he isn't human like Kyle is. If anything, I don't Kyle's choice to make the Human Kite "gender neutral" was because he saw them as being trans, rather the character doesn't have the same relationship to gender that humans do- a common trope in alien characters since our concept of gender and sex would obviously not match up with a being from another culture. Does this mean you can't headcanon Kyle as being nonbinary and use this character as evidence for said headcanon? I don't think it does! It's perfectly conceivable that Kyle is nonbinary, and is projecting this onto his character with or without knowing. But I don't think this is dead proof that Kyle is nonbinary, nor do I think that Matt and Trey's intent was for him to be nonbinary canonically, or the idea that it somehow makes him more feminine.

#kyle broflovski #south park meta #south park is gay #me talking #south park #the human kite #ask #not-siri

54 notes · View notes

celestial-sapphicss · 2 years

Note

I have seen someone say that pat pran dynamic was too quick and pat should have been made gay like in the novel and i am like ???? because pat is an unlabelled character, bi or pan call him what you want and for someone who can relate to pat so much and have grown in a very heterosexual household being confused about your own sexual orientation is quite relevant and the fact tht pran shower sexual fludity like people have problem with this diversity????

hi anon! im sorry but haven't really heard about this, but i did read some people's apprehensions when the show just started, about the show possibly doing injustice to novel!pat explicitly being gay and make him the "im not gay, i only like you" archetype in BLs. (thinks about pa making fun of this trope and giggles)

(I've talked about the pacing of the show here, and i really don't think patpran dynamic was quick.)

so, coming to why apparently people now think its necessary to label show!pat as explicitly gay. if it's because of the novel, I think it's been pretty clear that the show diverges from it, from the very beginning. (more about it here by @shortpplfedup)

you're right "growing in a very heterosexual household being confused about your own sexual orientation is quite relevant" (sends hugs 🫂). i think we left the sexual orientation is binary in the middle ages and it was common knowledge that sexuality is fluid and one can be anywhere on the spectrum, or on the extreme ends of it, or no where on it, so I'm not really sure what's the issue about 🤷

i personally think it was amazing that we got a canon m-spec character, and an acknowledgement that sexuality is indeed fluid.

most BLs, unfortunately, avoid discussion around sexuality like the plague, which is why unlabelled characters leave a bitter taste. it feels like a rejection of the queerness of the characters.

but here, we got a healthy discussion about sexuality and we got characters who are unbashedly open about their queerness.

due to the cishetallonormative & patriarchal society that we live in, exploration of sexuality is quite taboo (especially for men, toxic masculinity & stuff), and queer people are expected to immediately figure out their sexuality (and gender identity) and put a label on it. it creates a lot of internal struggle when one's feelings and perception changes upon introspection. (been there done that lmao)

so the show saying, "you know what? it's okay if you haven't had it all figured out, it's okay if you probably never do, what matters is how you feel NOW, in this moment, and future can wait", was honestly a breath of fresh air.

look at pran's expressions, look at pat & pa, look at ink, this scene? honestly a blessing.

we have pat, who is sure that he likes all genders, but isn't sure of how/what/where/when that started (you know how some queer people look back at their lives/childhood and think "how did i not know i was queer?", yeah that). and we have pran saying that maybe he might like girls in the future, even though he might not now.

AND WE HAVE INK SAYING IT'S (LIKING GIRLS) SO GAINFUL (i will forever be screaming about it smh)

(i don't think this much nuance could've been possible without a queer person running the show, in p'aof we trust)

other than that, i honestly do not like labeling other people/characters who are unlabelled, because why? labels are extremely personal, for some they can be liberating and a source of identity, for some they are suffocating, let people decide how they wanna label (or not) themselves 🤷

(I'm not talking about headcanoning, that's honestly fun. that's how queer people identify themselves with characters when they can't find canon characters like themselves, i think that's tragically beautiful.)

I'm really not sure where I'm going with this post anymore but yeah anon you're right and wanting show!pat, who is unlabelled, to be explicitly gay invalidates him actually liking girls which seems a little biphobic 👀🚩

#vi's inbox #bad buddy #reminds me of a post that said #people think bi men are gay & bi women are straight because liking men is considered to be default #also reminds me of people saying bbs subverted BLs trope of making everyone gay by not making waikorn canon #to which i say excuse me #1. that's not a trope everyone knows queer people gravitate towards each other like magnets #2. aren't all millions of show with all straight couples enough?#3. waikorn was trash only because wai was trash don't you invalidate a very bi korn #went on a little rant there lmao hope that answers anon #should there be a read more cut in this post idk lmk #not me repeating what has already been said lmao

32 notes · View notes

crookedactor · 2 years

Text

The topic of Nate's queerness in euphoria, and why he most definitely likes men: a mini-essay

*This will have themes of homophobia so be warned!!*

-------------

Hi!

I've been seeing a lot of discourse about whether or not nate is gay, or if he's just projecting his homophobia as a side effect from seeing his dad's... um.... tapes.... with boys.

I think he is queer. I'll explain why.

1. His description of "the perfect girl" is basically anyone who doesn't act like a man in any way.

We already know this from Rue's narration of him in season 1. He hates anything a girl can do to act masculine, including body language and body hair. This, in fact, is why he is so drawn to Jules, too. She, acting on her internalized transphobia, is hyperfeminine. She removes herself from anything that would key her in as a "man," which she wouldn't be able to handle. As in what this means for Nate; he wants to remove himself from any "attraction" to men. So, if anyone has a masculine trait, he cannot associate with them because he will do anything to not be seen as gay.

2. The locker room scene/description, and having grindr on his phone.

These ones are more obvious, so forgive me. But I just cannot understand why some people claim he isn't queer when he literally was on grindr and had pictures of d*cks in his phone. In Rue's narration of him, she made sure to note that he never made eye contact with the men in the locker room with him when they were naked. I honestly have nothing to say to this except for this is the one of the first things the audience knows about him. But, since it's so early in the season, the audience doesn't know him well enough to say he's gay or straight.

3. His inability to..... ahem... preform in bed.

Come on, guys. This one is obvious. He isn't attracted to Maddie, even though she is his own description of "the perfect girl."

(Now this would not be as much of a "he's definitely fruity" issue if Maddie specifically didn't bring up his sexuality as a reason for this. There are certain rules you follow when making a show, and the best way to put an idea in the audience's head is for one of the characters to bring it up as a specific issue. So we, as the audience, are meant to attribute the reason Maddie gave for his inability to preform as fact.)

4. His conversation with McKay in S2, ep 1.

Now this could definitely just seem like Nate being a pervert to many viewers which I DEFINITELY understand, because that's exactly what he is. But I think in this specific conversation, he had another motive. In the scene, he gets very, very close to McKay and asked where he finished on Cassie. The scene is very uncomfortable and embarrassing to watch. I think there are 2 things to note here: 1, his close proximity to McKay, and 2, his obsession with where he finished. I think the first point is a bit obvious; he wanted to be closer to McKay because he may be attracted to him. This might also be the reason he asked where he came on her. As for the second point, I think he wishes to live vicariously through Cassie in McKay's rendition of the event. He wishes to be Cassie in this situation. (which is the only reason I made point 1, to be honest. Why else would he be asking that question OTHER than the fact that he's a pervert?)

So yeah, I think that's it so far. There's the other, more minor points like Jules calling him the F slur, "just like [his] daddy" because his dad does "activities" with underage/young boys.

This post was mostly for the people that deny his queerness and instead attribute his actions to his homophobia and trauma from seeing said "activities" with his dad and young boys being recorded on tape.

(And then there's the toxic masculinity aspect with him believing he has to force girls to obey him, and how that relates to internalized homophobia, but that's a separate issue I think.)

I'm very excited to see how the rest of the story with Nate continues throughout the season because even though he's an asshole who DEFINITELY deserves prison, I can't help but feel for him. It's a shame he feels like he has to resort to these things just to push his true self down.

#euphoria s2 #euphoria #nate jacobs #gay #queer

43 notes · View notes

nothorses · 3 years

Note

So your toxic femininity post gave me a lot to think about and I'd like to share an example from my own life of something that I think was toxic femininity fucking me up. I'm a trans guy, and for most of my life I've only really made friends with girls. I played with boys sometiems when I was really little but when I got old enough to be aware of like, social norms, I stopped befriending boys because I thought they were gross and girls were better. (1/4)

Fast forward to now. I'm 22, came out as trans a few years ago, and I'm just now starting to form meaningful relationships with other men. It's been so positive and healing for me, and I'm so mad this is something I never let myself have before. In the same vein that people in feminist spaces talk about centering/prioritizing men, I realized I had been centering women in my life to a degree that harmed me. (2/4)

Even after I realized I was trans, it took me a long time to admit it to myself because if I didn't want bad stinky men in my life, being one would be the worst case scenario. Hell, even after I came to grips with being trans, it took me several more years to admit to myself that I'm gay, because I was still so set on wanting the bare minimum of men in my life. (3/4)

Nowadays I openly identify as a gay trans man. I refuse to dial down my pride in being a man, and my pride in loving men and wanting them in my life. I just wish it hadn't been such a painful journey. (4/4)

God, I feel this though.

I grew up with a single mom- there were virtually no men in my life aside from my little brother & the various short-lived stepdads. I had a lot of male friendships as a kid, but as I got older and boys started to mistake my friendship for romantic interest, I mostly drew away out of discomfort and fell in step with the “weird girls” (read: future queers) instead. I had a few male friendships here and there still, but they were pretty far between, and everyone around us continued to mistake our friendship as “budding young romance”.

Queue my Hardcore Feminist Years; I saw every positive relationship with a man as an exception, and felt guilty for any ties I had to evil, gross, awful masculinity. I let my (abusive) girlfriend at the time construct a narrative around our relationship that made me in turns her “knight in shining armor” and her “barely-contained monster learning to be human”- because she was hyperfeminine and small, and I was masculine by contrast.

All of this held me back. I took probably an extra 5 years to come to term with my gender, and eventually transition, than I would have otherwise. Even now, as an open gay trans men, it’s a struggle to be allowed any space to indulge in masculinity, to include men in my life, and even to enjoy mlm in media- because the support network around me is so deeply founded in feminism, wlw-centric queerness, and varying levels of discomfort, to outright hatred, of men.

I think folks forget that transmascs like... exist. Or they try to, anyway. We’re seen as inherently regressive and dangerous to feminist ideology, and it’s so unfortunate, given everything our voices and experiences can add to gender theory as a whole.

#transmasc #ftm #trans men #trans #transgender #feminism #not horses #Anonymous

70 notes · View notes

i-did · 3 years

Note

this is partly related to the femslash ask. so recently i've been thinking about how canon andreil doesn't really have clearly defined "gender-adjacent" roles, like andrew isn't "the man" and neil isn't "the woman" and all that entails, however from my brief acquaintance with fem!andriel (esp art), i've noticed that andrew is usually on the "butchier" side and neil is portrayed if not as femme than as a "regular" woman. a binary that doesn't really exist in canon when they're men -->

--> at least not imo, is kinda reintroduced when they're women. or do i have the wrong impression? what do you think about that?

Yeah, I mean I agree that neither one is more masculine or feminine than the other, but I do think Andrew would be as masculine as he is in canon in femslash, especially aspects of his masculinity that are associated with toxic masculinity such as how he relies on violence to prove a point. I think femslash Andrew would be perceived as very butch tbh because Andrew uses intimidation and intensity to ooze the vibe “don't fuck with me” and I think fem Adnrew would do the same, which those methods would lead to people perceiving her as butch. I don't think Andrew would identify with the butch label in a lesbian culture way, but in a just so happens to be not a GNC woman. I also think Neil would still wear dominantly tee shirts and jeans since they’re practical clothing unlike dresses, skirts, and blouses, and this lack of attempt at femininity by wearing said clothes or wearing makeup would be perceived as GNC and presenting ‘masc’ for a girl. Fem Neil tho might try a bit more to actually fit in a bit, while Andrew doesn't care about standing out. Lesbian culture and history of the butch/femme identities is pretty like… Awesome lol. Idk how else to say it, but it kinda shows how the community has a history of gender exploration and stuff that’s just really cool. butch/femme gets perceived as heteronormative, but there are plenty butch4butch and femme4femme people. I also don’t know a lot since I'm not wlw, this is a lot of second hand info I get from my lesbian friends when they talk to me about it. Idk if I've noticed said roles being ‘reintroduced’ with them as wlw? As in Neil takes the femme role and Andrew takes the butch one. I would have to see some specific examples tbh, mostly I've seen fem Andrew drawn with like… shorter hair, which is still in character if you don’t want your hair grabbed and do a lot of fighting. Neil who would be dying her hair often however might have an easier time managing less hair, as well as a shorter length being easier to maintain and avoid being grabbed while on the run, but from what iv’e seen fem Neil is drawn with longer hair usually, which again doesn't really mean anything, this is just personal musings. This is kinda unrelated, but I think fem Andrew would have the same philosophy as canon Andrew about sexuality to an extent, where there is no “coming out” but rather letting people assume what they assume, but also the results would be opposite. Since fem Andrew would be perceived as very masculine if her tastes were exactly the same as canon Andrew, and overall not actively dating anyone or saying anything opposed to what people think, the team would all be like “yeah, lesbian” especially because that is a way people often insult women, especially in the early 2000s. So while the approach is the same, the results would be opposite, especially because both Neil and Andrew as men are presented in canon as straight-passing, but if they dressed, talked, and acted the exact same but as women, they're more in the ‘plausible deniability’ area. I think bets on Neil’s sexuality could have also gone down very different and rather than just ‘gay’ there would have been a “LUG or bi or ‘actually’ gay” sort of debate. Especially because how curiosity about the same gender when you're a woman vs a man is treated so differently, with the denial of women's sexuality and stuff. That was a random tangent but yeah I just have a few thoughts on how different that specific element would have gone down in a femslash au, and is completely unrelated to your question lol.

#ask #mailob #ive actually thought about writing a femslash au #might get around to it one day but like could you imagine if i purposefully wrote it #like really bad 'fem neil felt her brests quiver with emotion' you know that weird male author shit? lmao #biphobia tw #Lesbophobia tw

21 notes · View notes

venii-vidii-vicii · 4 years

Note

Hey I hope this isn't sudden but I found you through the DE Reddit (seen you around insta too) and thought I would drop my qustions tp you here. 1) what kind of guys do you think Glen likes? 2) if the Hardies seem cool with Glen being gay, why is he still in the closet? 3) what the fuck is wrong with Glen? 4) what's your favorite thing about him? I'm genuinely curious cause I've never seen a background character get this much attention before. Sorry for the multi-questions.

I'm sorry anon but I'm about to drop a long post on you 😔 I just have so many feelings for that man, it's unbelievable.

1) Titus Hardie

That's it.

Jk jk. Idk I kind of see Glen with dudes who are also burly and buff but I also see him with v soft boys. I mean the way the game describes Titus and Glen is that they're basically big buff giants who tower over everyone else, right?

From a psychological aspect I would have to say he probably leans more towards the petite guys because that makes him feel like "The Man" which is the big psychological issue he seems to have in the game. He wants to be a macho guy; He wants to be the dominant one, the strong one, the big guy so that his manliness doesn't get questioned. I can only hypothesize that in his head, being with smaller more feminine men gives him the satisfaction of being the top dog.

Generally though.... Just give him ALLLLLL THE DUDES!!!

2) I don't think anyone actually knows Glen is gay except Titus (and most likely Ruby) as Alain makes a comment about how Ruby likes bo0o0bies more than him. Plus Titus tries to hint it rather than just full on out Glen. He glanced at Glen when he says "some are queerer than others" but no one seems to comment, it either went over their heads (like it did with a lot of players) or they just chose not to say anything out of respect for their bro's privacy in front of stranger cops.

Personally I think some of the Hardie boys are smart enough to already know like Eugene. Alain might know but made the comment as a joke like "she likes tits more than u cuz you're gay lmao" u know?

But seeing the stance Revachol has with LGBTs, I think it's safe to assume that Glen just has too much to lose if he came out. He would most likely be kicked out of the rugby team, and He probably believes that he will lose the Hardies respect.

Again this leads back to his "big man" problem. Media and people in general seem to associate being gay with being feminine or that every gay guy likes to wear make up and dress like a woman. These ideas will stick to Glen and he doesn't wanna be associated with them. He doesn't want to be seen as less of a man.

He doesn't want to be a joke to people.

There's just so much at stake here for him to come out.

After all, the homosexual "UNDERGROUND" is an underground for a reason. They're not welcomed in the surface world.

He has a couple of good things in his life and he could lose everything over night just cuz he decided to tell the world who he really was.

Imagine going from hanging out with your friends every night, being a sport star, getting free beer... to just being alone in your room every day, losing people's respect, your job, losing everything. Not to mention the way others will treat you.

If you were depressed while you still had everything, imagine what it would be like to be depressed and have nothing.

It's tough.

3) a lot.

I can only answer this with my own psychoanalysis of Glen's character with little canon proof so take it with a grain of salt.

I think Glen grew up in a very shitty household with probably an abusive parent(s). The macho manly problem he has probably stemmed from his parent(s) drilling this idea into his head that he has to be a man. His parent(s) might have been close minded homophobes which resulted in Glen just fighting that part of him because he "knows" it's wrong and he shouldn't be feeling romantic things for other men.

Having abusive parent(s) would also explain why Glen is so violent, aggressive, and sadistic. This violence is all he knows and not to mention, being strong is associated with being masculine and manly.

Power makes you a man.

His physical strength is probably an overcompensation for his repressed homosexuality.

He suffers heavily from toxic masculinity and it has really fucked him up.

Of course having to live this way brought a ton more problems. Depression, self loathing, all the shit he tries to numb with beer.

Tbh I think Glen is a bit too hard on himself but it's not easy so I relate to how he feels.

4) my favorite thing about him is how stupid he is. He doesn't understand sarcasm, thinks a fiddle is something gay, and all the repressed homosexual shit he says. My god, he's so fucking stupid it's funny. I love him!

I also admire his strength. Choosing to keep going even after all the fucking shit he has going, it takes a lot of strength. The thought that he even joins the Hardie boys and not goes off to be a psychopathic serial killer is very nice. He might seem fucked up but at least he chose to use his fists for good.

There's still, in his fucked up shattered mind, a desire to be good. To do good. To help save a city that would never accept him. I admire that so much.

He's not a good person, but he's not a bad person. He's literally just human. He's trying to get by in a really shitty place and he wants to help others get by too.

He even shows sympathy sometimes. It's the little stuff that makes me think that he's not completely fucked just yet. There's still enough pieces of him to put his shattered self back together.

(Well had his end been different of course)

TLDR; he likes all dudes, has too much to lose, mommy and daddy issues, and he's dumb but has a good heart.

#disco elysium #glen #the hardie boys

14 notes · View notes