#idk i could just be projecting my insecurities but it sure just feels like im being cast aside | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rottmntsimp · 5 months

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Donnie x (gn) reader, where the reader is feeling particularly self concious? feeling as tho they don't contribute enough to the team due to not having mystic powers or not knowing how to fight, maybe they feel as tho they get in the way a lot? I know donnie isn't always great with feelings but I feel like he would relate to this problem and would know how to solve it in his own special way?

Much needed reassurance

Donnie x Insecure!Reader

TW: A bit of cursing (projecting cuz it's just smth i do when feeling a strong emotion lmao), using the lord's name in vain ( bro im atheist idk if this is a tw?), uh light jealousy (APRIL MAH QUEEN <33), mentions of stitching up cuts ig, light angst with fluff end <3 Oh and a pretty rushed ending lmao. Plus some slight ADHD projecting?? [Yes I got this req in September. Shh-] Thanks to @sleepytime-fics for title inspiration <3 /p

Donnie

You wince, letting out a hiss, as your cut stung in pain. Peeking out from in between your fingers, you see Donnie’s frown, not processing any of the words he rambled on to you. He let go of your hand, putting down the bandages, before moving onto your face to disinfect the scrapes along the side of your face, making you flinch in pain, listening to him chastise you for how careless you were.

“-I thought I’d told you to stay in corners. They can’t sneak up on you, if your back is against a wall.”

Sinking deeper into the mattress of the bed, you sigh, running a finger over the bandaging on your forearm, only for Donnie to slap your hand away. Rolling your eyes, you let him patch up your face, avoiding eye contact, because you knew as soon as you did, shit would hit the fan.

After what seemed like hours of nonstop admonishing and multiple rolls of bandages (which in all reality was only a few minutes), Donnie finally packs up the first aid kit, having finished patching you up. You stretch a little, before reaching for your phone, which lay on the far end of the mattress. Just as you were about to pick it up, a metal arm suddenly swipes it off of the sheets, holding it up.

“Hey-”

As you go to reach for the phone again, he just brings the phone higher up, farther out of your reach.

“So…” the mutant started, busying himself with putting supplies back into the first aid kit. “Leo informed me you, uh…got jumped-”

“Please, don’t remind me-” you sighed, the memory of being unable to defend yourself flashing behind your closed eyelids. Not only had Leo been struggling to take care of his share of the ninjas, he had to make sure you weren’t getting hurt too.

Opening your eyes once more, you frown at the floor, listening to Donnie go on.

“Scoff,” Donnie scoffs, voicing his actions, “Well, if you let me finish, you would've heard me say ‘-you got jumped, are you feeling ok?’ It’s unlike you to get taken advantage of like this in combat.”

“Stop it,” You mumble, not wanting to hear about how you were unable to help, frustration rising as Donnie went on, not having heard you.

“I mean, it was just a couple of foot ninjas, and statistically speaking, you’ve done better before-”

“Donnie-” You frown, speaking a bit louder, but your words went unheard as Donnie’s rambling went on.

“I’m just thankful Nardo was there for you, don’t tell him I said that though-”

“Donnie!”

He freezes, facing you as his rambing comes to an abrupt end. Seeing the frown on your face as you shifted in your seat, your head held down, Donnie was riddled with guilt. “Were you,” he clears his throat, “Were you about to say something…?”

Silence.

That’s all he got in return, before soft mumbles could be heard, “It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve told me, it just won’t get in my head alright? I’m not a ninja, I’ve never gotten training-,” you muttered, as Donnie stopped what he was doing, focusing on your words- “Hell, I don’t even have a proper weapon!” you scoff, gesturing to Donnie’s tech bo, which lay messily on his desk, piles of unorganized blueprints and tech scattered around it. “Even April has one! April!”

“Well, that is an issue can easily be resolved by simply paying a visit to the local sports store-”

Donnie’s words were cut short by the glare you gave him, as you went on. “But that makes perfect sense, since she’s just…so perfect,” you chuckled dryly, jealousy creeping into your voice, or maybe it was just self-pity.

Running a hand through your hair, you pause to take a deep breath, knowing you’ve already said too much; but fuck it, if you were going to get reprimanded for something out of your control, might as well let out some of those pent up feelings…right?

The only noise that could be heard was the soft whirring of the vents filtering air, and the sound of you guys’ breathing. The silence was eating you up from the inside, uneasiness hanging in the air. After a whole two minutes of silent torture, Donnie lets out a sigh, biting his tongue so that he doesn’t say anything he might regret, before finally speaking again.

“Where…where are you going with this?”

“Fucking christ, Donnie-” you snap, your head in your hands, as you let out a strong exhale. Looking up at him, you took a deep breath, trying to stabilize your voice, as a lump formed in your throat.

You mumbled under your breath, trying not to break down as tears of frustration formed in the corners of your eyes, your vision slowly going blurry. Why? The hell if you knew, all you could process was the fact that you were practically useless, and if that wasn’t enough to make you break down…

“I’m not as strong as you guys and I sure as hell don’t have any mystic powers,” you say, as a tear finally falls. One turns to two, and two turns to four, and before you know it, tears streamed silently down your face, as you tried to stop; but you both knew it was pointless.

Panic flashed behind his eyes as he noticed you crying. What was it you do when people cry? Talk to them? No, no, he was pretty sure you give them space.

“I always need at least two people out with me when I join you guys for patrol, and I always get hurt, and end up being more of a burden than a help…” You clear your throat, cursing at yourself as your voice cracks.

Once again, silence.

Looking down at the floor, you sniffled, using the sleeve of your hoodie to wipe your tears away. White floods your vision, looking up, you see one of Donnie’s mechanical spider arms holding a tissue out in front of you, his eyes averted to the side.

Nodding your thanks, you blow your nose, as quiet ensued once more. You both sat there, your minds occupied by your own racing thoughts respectively.

After what seemed like hours, Donnie spoke up, his voice soft, but firm, as though he were deep in thought, “I…apologize, for not realizing how you felt earlier. I should have been more observant, I should have been able to notice how you felt about all of this much earlier on… I’m sorry for being a terrible partner-”

“Donnie-” You just sigh, the adrenaline from earlier wearing off, as a wave of exhaustion washed over you. “I’m not calling you a bad partner, I’m just saying that…maybe I shouldn’t go out on missions with you guys anymore. I’ll just hold you all back, and-”

“Hold us back?-” Donnie interrupts, his face going from that of understanding and thoughtful to utterly flabbergasted. Standing up from his seat on the mattress, he has a robotic arm shoot out of his battle shell and yank a chair over, as he took a seat across from your place on the mattress. He faced you, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed, renewed confusion apparent, “You believe that you’re…holding us back?”

“...Well, yeah-”

“SCOFF! Never have I heard such malarkey- Oh Y/N, you are anything but deadweight!-”

You could only listen as he went on, giving up on trying to get your point across as he never gave you the chance to. Yet despite the affirmations, a nagging feeling stuck in the back of your mind, refusing to leave as he rambled on about your strengths, physically and intellectually.

His voice became nothing but a soft hum in the background, accompanying the buzz of the vents, as you spaced out. Why was he doing this? You aren’t worth the struggle, the effort… He’s always had to help you catch up, get up to speed on things. Homework, fights, hell- even simple things like staying on task, giving you something to do, to think about…

“-And just because you don't have mystic potential, doesn't mean you aren't a valuable asset to our group. There are plenty of other ways you make up for it..."

The nerve of this hypocrite; saying you’re useful while still in doubt of his own abilities.

"I mean," Donnie went on, putting a hand on your shoulder, trying to get you to look at him, "It's not like you're the only human in our little posse. April's our friend too, and she's just as important as the rest of us-"

"She doesn't count-" You snap, your voice raising to a higher volume. Donnie flinched, his hand retracting in shock. Wincing, you mumble a quiet apology, feeling a wave of disappointment and regret wash over you before going on.

"April's been training with you guys since she’s met you, she doesn't count…" You mumbled, trying to keep control of how loud you spoke. “She’s been there since the beginning, basically on you guys’ level. She’s known you all since you were young, grew up with you guys, trained with you guys, fights with you guys…all while kicking ass and looking good…all I do is stand in the back and cheer you guys on…”

“Oh my sweet Y/N,” Donnie sighs, looking up at you again. “What will it take for you to understand that moral support is better than no support whatsoever?” The pleading look in his eyes, the desperation in his voice for you to understand just how valuable you are didn’t go overlooked by you, as you just sighed in response.

“I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, darling. You are as valuable to our bunch as any of us are. Learning to fight takes time, time which you never gave yourself, which I’m gladly willing to change.

“And as for getting hurt…” Donnie put a hand on yours, making you look at him as he let himself smile, “I guess we’ll just have to start training.”

Taglist [ask if you want to be added!]:

@lemme-be-cringe-damnit @sleepytime-fics @ray-of-midnight-storm @hamthepan @charismakat

#simps fics #rottmnt x reader #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #2018 donnie x reader #donnie x reader #tmnt x reader #rise of the tmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2018 x reader #rottmnt #save rottmnt

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vanana-r0tat3 · 1 year

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some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

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vlkodddlak · 1 year

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For shockwave!

15. Does this tf character ever make anything creative (e.g. writing, drawing, sculpturing)? If so, do they show other people what they’ve made?

16. What do you think this tf character’s opinions regarding humankind is?

THANK U FOR ASKING!! your ask game is super cool!!

im gonna go with tfp shockwave cause he's my fave. my version of him isnt that scary and evil he's just kind of a guy who likes to play around with science and engineering, doesnt know basic safety, and is bad at socializing. he's still kind of a cartoon type villain tho

15. ohh he's creative for sure. it's not always that obvious, but i do like to think that shockwave likes to create things for fun sometimes. about 98% of the stuff he works on are projects that will help the decepticon cause, but he does occassionally get a spark of creativity and decides to make something for himself. it's not art in a traditional sense, like poetry, music, etc, but it's enough to count as art (in my opinion)

the 'art' he creates may include stuff like: 1) creating little gadgets that have no practical use, they just look cool

2) playing with chemicals just to get some interesting reaction. like putting some liquids together just cause it makes them change colors in a pretty way or something

3) adding decorative designs to his creations, again, simply for the esthetics

ok ok i know these sound silly, but when you think about the fact that shockwave is a serious, 'logical' character and not someone artsy, these little actions DO count as creative! think about it!!

he NEVER shows others, tho. it's not that he's insecure about his craft, it's simply not something that he wants to share. i wouldnt say that the creative things he does are personal (he probably doesnt see any artistic value in his little projects, it's just for fun after all) but his art comes from feelings and thoughts deep within him that even he doesn't like to admit (like idk... the fact that he can be happy and enjoy something? no one should know that! 😡). basically, he's not comfortable showing his creativity to others, unless it's someone he knows for a long time and absolutely trusts, which isnt a lot of people...sigh hes so weird

16. oh he couldn't care less. like, fr. i mean if the decepticons want to transform Earth and eradicate all life including humans then he'll just... go along with it yknow? his main focus is helping megatron, it's all he really cares about....BUT! i do think that there's a chance he COULD develop some sort of care for humanity? i can't say it confidently, but i do think he would be able to connect with humans through his favorite things - science and technology!

human technology is WAY behind cybertronian one, but shockwave might find himself curious about it! well, to be specific, he would find interest in HOW humans came to their discoveries and research. humans are such a small, young species after all! how come they've done and discovered so much in so little time? (this is all relatively speaking lol)

of course, over time he would be interested in more than just human technology. he would also look into human history, art, language...probably anything regarding humans. if he's focused on something, he is focused A LOT. shockwave human hyperfixation real

eventually his slight interest for human science would turn into fascination and later... appreciation? maybe? it would take him a pretty long time and he would definitely need someone or something (preferably a human friend) to convince him to even look into human stuff, since he doesnt view humanity as anything important from the start... but yea! i like to think that this big purple mf would go from "humans small and weak and stupid and unimportant" to "humans small and weak...and kinda cool"

ahhh i can't believe i wrote so much omg.... embarrassing! 😞😞anyway yea shockwave is my fucking fictional fidget toy, whenever i'm bored i poke him and squish him in my brain

#transformers #hes so #AGHHH #hes my best friend..

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nonclassyparty · 2 years

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also please tell me that san "fucking up" in act 8 won't be him cheating on boyoung... if it's that kind of fucking up then there's truly no hope for him and he won't deserve y/n OR boyoung.

idk is it just me or do i hope for happy endings for all involved parties? i think y/n and mingi would be happy together, if they could get past their current feelings towards each other. because let me just say this, y/n and san don't belong together. it's one of those things where you just know two people aren't right for each other, they're not the one for each other. and i think that's where the heartbreak is coming for y/n, the fact that she desperately wants to be the one for san, but she's not. boyoung is.

i'm not sure what exactly is gonna transpire between the current act 3 and the letter y/n has written, but considering what you said about boyoung not being one to do anything wrong at all, i genuinely think that it's not fair for y/n to assume boyoung's got a superiority complex. if anything, y/n might just be projecting her own complex. i know this story is supposed to be mainly focused on y/n, but i think boyoung has a lot of potential and room for growth/development. maybe now she's all timid and shy, but i really do hope she can learn to grow into a more confident person that doesn't allow bullshit from anyone, including y/n. i just think a story is more interesting when every character is fleshed out really well. i also hope boyoung learns that she deserves more than what san can offer her (i'm guessing his fuck-up in act 8 might still have something to do with boyoung, which is why y/n mentioned in the letter that they were broken up), and i hope that san understands what a good thing he has, and doesn't let his past get in the way of his future. i truly do hope they can be happy together, regardless of what y/n and her vanilla-sex hating ass might think.

if it seems like i'm harping on y/n too much, my apologies 😭 i don't truly think i'm on anyone's side tbh, my only wish is that each major player get the character development they deserve, including y/n. i think you're a really capable writer and i'm excited to see what comes next!

there will be no cheating because he really does have feelings for boyoung 😭

also boyoung IS insecure. while writing this story, i really tried to make her be the most stereotypically shy, timid, sweet good girl she can possibly be to fit the overused trope and most of them have major confidence issues. and sure, she might have things going on that we dont know about but i personally dont care much 😭. if i open wattpad and go through the good girl/player trope, any backstory of the female oc will fit as boyoung's backstory as well and since in act 3 san let yn know how he actually felt about her and she'll sort of back off from him (and im not saying give up on him completely but she'll be focusing on other things in her life)- there will be no need for me to work on boyoung more since yn wont have any altercations with her that would require boyoung to have any character development (it might sound lazy but im personally just bored of her character so i dont want to spend more time on her than i have to 😭)

i think the letter sorta led all of you in the wrong direction which is definitely my fault since im the one who wrote it but its going to be fun when you guys find out whats ACTUALLY going to happen lol

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gaysagainststeve · 2 years

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you don’t have to post this because i know how any post not demonizing billy gets someone a lot of hate.

ok i’m 2 weeks late but the unending billy hate just.. hurts my soul because it’s never a nuanced conversation. people refuse to admit that even though he’s done and said messed up things, he’s still a victim of abuse. i do blame the duffers for that because all they care about is demonizing him. dacre montgomery tried so hard to focus on billy’s abuse and insecurities and how that resulted in his shitty actions and adopted views from his father. he’s so real. not every abuse victim is overly kind and “docile.” he’s an angry person. victims of abuse can be angry and violent because that’s all they’ve been shown, but that doesn’t mean they “maybe deserve to die.” maybe the deserve a chance to change with proper care. ugh the way stranger things has handled billy’s abuse is so damaging to abuse victims. neil faces no consequences. max’s mother makes no mention of it despite witnessing it. a random basketball player’s abuse can be focused on but not billy’s? the way people say billy is worse than brenner & peter creel! it’s absolutely ridiculous. there’s also this misogynistic, hetnormative way in which antis will say that the only people who like billy are woman who think he’s hot. and don’t get me started on that hate dacre receives for trying to humanize his character and how he’s been ostracized by the duffer brothers. i could talk about this forever lol. anyways, he and steve are in love but the duffers saw that they were too powerful bye.

Dude i also have a whole manifesto about billy. I feel you so hard. Also im not afraid of antis saying anything to me bc i always want to be talking about this even on my streamer side blog lol

What i have to add is my opinion on the fact that ppl call him racist and abusive.

Billy does in season 2 say something implicitly racist saying max shouldn’t hang out with ppl like lucas. But the duffers are cowards that refuse to touch on any racism in the 80s. Im p sure its by the request of caleb who plays lucas, but theyve had characters say the f slur, had episodes about misogyny and yet they refuse to acknowledge the racism lucas may have faced even in passing. Im not saying lucas should be hate crimed but i feel like it would explain why he really wanted to be accepted by the basketball team and obsessed with being popular in season 4.

The duffers never follow up on the racist comment billy made and its not talked about at all in season 3. it is not a reoccurring or central trait to billy. Billys racism is as relevant as the byers dog to the duffers. They forget everything they write.

Also, the way he treats Max is a direct product of his abuse from his father. Anything she does wrong, billy gets punished for. Its a common abuse tactic idk why ppl think billy treats her bad just bc he’s evil. Also like… does anyone call intense fighting between siblings abuse in any other context??

The ppl who say hes the evilest person on the show are hard core projecting their own highschool bully onto him. I saw ppl saying jason was not as bad as billy and jason actually shot at lucas with the intent to kill him when billy pushed him up against a wall aggressively (i think the cast and creators even said this). Jason is the personification of rich white christian heterosexual America and the violence that comes from their ignorance. Billy is literally a poor metal head that gets called gay slurs by his father. Jason has the power of the entire town behind him hunting down the party; billy is just some angry punk with no outlet that finds his little sister in a creepy house with a bunch of boys and a high school senior in the middle of the night.

I for sure get not liking billy but idk how it became so extreme and mainstream. It used to be just infighting in the fandom but now its all over tiktok and hating him is The Opinion to have.

I think it might be because the show is so black and white about whether or not a character is good or evil and people can’t handle that billy has any complexity at all.

Also is it a crime for a man to be attractive? Ppl will crucify you if you don’t have a moral reason for liking a character istg. Maybe he’s the only character on that show that has any depth AND has a fat ass??? Ever think of that??

Thanks for sending this ask!!

#dont even get me started to how little they do with steves character #oh is he the groups mom again??#will he talk about literally any of the other men his age on the show #i swear if he asks argyle how he’s doing #next season #argyle will be executed on the spot in front of everyone #tag #ask #anonymous #also how there is literally no storyline surrounding billy in season 2 gets wrapped up by the time he dies #and how season 4 takes place in between will and billys birthday and the duffers didnt even know that #ughh this show #i study it under a microscope everyday and it keeps me coming back for more

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mylichwishes · 23 days

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i get really insecure because im not as big as of a whore as i wanna be and i feel like im doing a lot of work undoing things ive learned about my body and then also learning about my body.

like i feel 'im not there yet' but im also antsy bc 'there' is a feeling of confidence that comes with repitition. like i feel i put these goals in front of me (strap training, shibari) and treat them like solo-projects when they could be collaborative. part of me wants to do things 'a certain way' (only be fucked when i tie the strap on, take my big strap before using it on anyone else) and it feels so silly bc it prevents me from reaching my larger goal when i could just break these rules at anytime.

idk sex is fun and i feel like im missing out -- like i figured out consent and kink are rules and respect -- im figuring out what i like dom/sub, top/bottom, so far shamelessly, hopefully. i just touched on the point where it feels like play--had a scene impromptu where im edging them and i really wanted to make them cum but they wouldnt until i said they could-- and it feels like a loss?? like i was impressed they held out and so i thought they deserved an orgasm. part of me Regrets not be meaner: either deny the orgasm or force them to cum.

i want to be a Proper Domme ^TM as soon as possible!! i dont wanna skip any steps, tho, esp bc i want to get into harder stuff and i want to make sure the people im with dont suffer any more than they signed up for.

i think i should practice some ties, get an idea for full body positions, and plan a scene and go.

the least i can do for myself is have a myriad of experiences to draw from. if i at least know what i like then i can direct myself to what i like more.

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ssparksflyy · 3 months

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Hello :) usually I’m a Jason or Percy girl but can you make a Leo Valdez fic or canon when he feel like the seven weel (I can’t spell but I hope you understand) he felt insecure and alone. But his friend the reader who have a crush on him. Tell him that he is enough that, he doesn’t need to be powerfull or beautiful like others demidgod and that she loved liked for who he is. Please 🙏

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

forever winter ˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

pairing: leo valdez x fem!reader warning(s): tiny angst, fast-paced lowkey word count: 1.5k a/n: hiiii! tysm for requesting ♡♡ i hope u enjoy thisss! this could maybe get a pt. 2 ngl 🤭 idk we'll see when im done with my requests ♡ this is kind of based off of forever by taylor swift, just the lyric thats like "all this time i didn't know you were breaking down" :) im soso sorry this took me forever 2 get out, writers block can smd

you covered your ears as you entered bunker nine and were greeted with the screaming sound of a woodcutter in use.

leo, as always, was working on some new project and didn't hear you enter.

you walked over to his workbench and sat in the chair he had made specifically for your, because you spent so much time there together, and waited for him to finish what he was doing.

his eyes remained glued to what he was doing, still unaware of your presence. you couldn't help but stare at him while he worked. you admired the way his curls fell perfectly into place, the concentration on his face, the grease stains on his shirt, the veins that were popping out of his hands like streaks of lightning... lord you had to force yourself to look away.

he finally shut off the woodcutter and looked up, doing a double-take when he realized you were there, a small smile forming on his face.

"what're you doing here?" he asked.

"nothin, do i need an excuse to visit my best friend?" you asked, mirroring his smile.

he shook his head, looking down. something felt kind of... off about him, like something was bothering him.

"are you ok? did you want me to leave?" you asked him, putting you hand on the table and moving it closer to his.

he looked up at you, and you noticed the faint tear stains on his cheeks.

"no, no" he said quickly, grabbing you hand and giving it a small squeeze, "please stay."

you squeezed his hand back, "what's wrong?"

he sighed and pulled up a chair, sitting on it but never letting go of your hand, "have you ever felt like- like some people have got this kind-of inside joke that you aren't apart of or don't understand?"

you nodded slowly, unsure of where he was going with this.

"i, i kind of feel like that when im with the rest of the seven.. like yea we're all friends, but they're all also couples and im just.. there." he said, taking a small pause, "and-and, not to mention, they're all so much more powerful than i am. they're all good in battle, pros at sword fighting and what do i do? make stupid little projects? i dont know, i just feel like i look stupid next to them, like im hanging onto something that doesn't exist."

you stayed quiet, left in a small shock, finally when you managed to speak all you could say was, "leo, you should've told me this sooner, why didn't you?"

he looked down and shrugged, "didn't seem important"

you couldn't help but stay quiet again for a second. you felt like an idiot for not realizing how he felt sooner, sure you weren't the brightest, but there still had to be signs. he gave signs, and you didn't see them. what kind of a friend were you? and he didn't feel the need to tell you? did you do something wrong? had you said or done anything that might've led him to believe he couldn't tell you? you quickly shoved these feelings down. right now, the boy you loved was the one who needed help.

"first of all, you know you can talk to me about anything, okay? anything at all. whatever you feel is important, don't ignore it, you can tell me. you know i'm always gonna be here, im gonna stay through it all" you said, squeezing his hand and giving him a sincere look. he just smiled and nodded, showing you he was listening.

"second of all, im so sorry you feel like that. you do not look stupid next to them, okay? you are so powerful, i mean, you've got literal fire powers! also, did you just happen to forget about the time you built a whole flying ship!! and saved the world?? you aren't holding onto something that isn't there. they're your friends, they care about you, i swear they do. ever notice how percy's always replacing and leaving you water, so you dont get dehydrated? or how annabeth leaves little notes and suggestions on your blueprints? jason's always making sure theres a small breeze blowing through the forge, so you don't overheat, and piper- gods piper makes sure you've eaten and taken care of yourself more than i do! hazel and frank try to pop in and make sure you're okay whenever they visit. they care about you, i care about you, we all care about you leo. you're so important to all if us, especially me, okay? i have no idea what i'd do without you."

tears had began to spill from leo's eyes once again, but they weren't ones of sadness, you could tell, based of the smile that was on his face. he got up quickly from his seat, letting go of your hand and walking over to your side of the table, pulling you in for a bear hug, as he cried into the crook of your neck.

you hugged him back tightly, trying to ignore the fact that your heart was racing a million miles per second. leo was tapping something in morse code quickly on your back, he was yet to show you how to understand it, but it felt nice.

you stayed like that for a good minute, holding leo as he calmed down. you meant everything you said. he was your summer sun, and you'd fall to pieces if he wasn't there. it'd be a forever winter.

he was the one to break away, slowly moving away from the hug and looking down at you with glossy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"thank you, (y/n), for everything" he whispered, "i don't know what i'd do without you either."

you cupped he cheeks and lowered his head, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, "of course, i love you, repair boy."

you had no idea where this wave of confidence was coming from, but no matter what happened next, you knew you'd be freaking out about it later in your cabin.

"i love you too, (n/n). you're the greatest friend i could ever ask for."

you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard his words. friend. that's what you were. you'd let your stupid fantasies get the best of you, and now he probably felt uncomfortable, way to go!

you slowly removed your hands from his face, nodding your head and saying, "yea! i mean, you're the greatest friend i could ask for!"

he gave you a warm smile, but all you could feel is cold. cold and embarrassed. he moved back over to his side of the table sitting back down on his stool.

"so, you feeling ok now?" you asked, looking down.

"i am, yea. thank you, again." he said, his smile never leaving his face.

you looked over to the clock on his wall, "of course, im glad to hear. im so sorry, i lost track of time, i have to go." you said quickly, hopping down from your stool and walking toward the door.

"wait!" leo said, hopping down from his stool and taking a step forward before pausing. you turned around quickly, desperate for him to say anything that wouldn't make your actions from earlier look completely stupid., "see...see you at dinner?", he asked quickly.

you nodded your head quickly, desperate to get out of bunker nine before a single tear began to fall. you quickly opened the door, rushing out.

you walked a good distance away from the bunker before stopping by a tree, falling to the floor, and burying your face in your hands. you were so embarrassed, all you'd ever done with leo was brush hands and give an occasional comforting hug or hand squeeze. today you had not only done that, but also kissed his forehead and told him you loved him, only for him to call you his best friend. you were glad you cheered him up, and that he opened up to you, but perhaps you had gotten too in touch with your feelings, and now he has the possibility of never doing it again. you'd liked leo since he had arrived at camp, your crush only growing the closer you got. had you risked that today. tears slipped your eyes as you sat against the trunk of the tree, thoughts continuing to flood your mind.

little did you know though, just a few feet away, back in the bunker you had just left, leo was also stuck on what he had said.

he couldn't believe it. you were being so kind to him, like you always were, helping through something he was struggling with and all he could do was call you a great friend? he didn't think of you as just a friend, you were his whole world! so then why did he call you a friend?? he sat there, stuck in his pool of regret.

the two lovers, completely unaware of the feelings they shared for each other, feeling miles apart from each other, unable to say what they really feel.

a/n pt.2: again, im so so sorry this took so long to get out </3 hope you enjoyed tho! ive kinda been goin though it but we all good now :) anyway ima go watch mama mia now, have a good day/night!

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson 𖹭

#percy jackson #pjo #heroes of olympus #percy jackson x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #pjo x reader #hoo x reader #leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you #by bells ♡⋆ ࣪.

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biblebitch-666 · 9 months

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August 5, 2023- entry

today I finally hung out with poly, he looked like how he does on snap and whatnot. I was just really irritated at first because it mainly seemed like we were gonna hang earlier in the day, but we ended up going to applebees at 9:30 Pm. I mean I could have hung out with chona and sandy if I'd known that , damn. I was about to just say that we can hang a different day because it was already getting so late, and I was waiting a little too long. To be honest I wasn't in the exact mood to hang out, i was a little upset that it was seeming like we weren't gonna hang out when we talked and planned for it before. I suppose I was a little upset because it seemed like it was a chore for him to hang out with me, like something to get over with so I could finally shut up and stop asking him to hang. This is likely me projecting my inner doubts and insecurities tho, I mean I was never one to not jump to conclusions. Idk, I hope that I made a decent impression tho, again, im not sure if I made a good one, one that would make someone want to hang out with me again. I had a good time, though the food at applebees was questionable, I'll eat any kind of pasta.

I guess idk, maybe this will be the last time we hang out, I mean if he offers to hang of course I'll hang out. But that's the thing, im not sure if they'll ask to hang out again. I probably won't ask. Not because I don't want to, but because of how I am. If I don't think that someone wants to hang with me, then I won't ask them too because I don't want to bug people and annoy them. I always have this problem of assuming other people's thoughts and feelings towards me, and usually they're not good assumptions. when meeting new people, I always feel like i'm annoying them when I ask to like hangout and stuff. I just hope I made a decent impression that they'll want to hangout again, or at least not ignore me completely.

On a more positive note, tomorrow im going to hang out with cortney in the morning and go get coffee together. I love cortney so obviously I'm excited about thattttttt. Maybe it'll take my mind off of the other stuff that's been upsetting me. I wanna get other books to read to have something to dooo. Maybe I'll read red white and royal blue, that seems sooo basic but i want a fun reading experiene. Okay i think im gonna end the diary entry here, i feel way better rn, goodnightttttt.

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evandorepart2 · 11 months

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longgggg fucking vent post under the cut. idk if it even counts as vent i am simply relaying information about the situation and i am unsure how i should feel right now

oh my fucking GOD my brother is such an asshole like. ok so whats happened over the past couple days is that

i hit a depressive period. it is Obvious -> since im depressed i dont have energy to eat or cook much and ive been struggling with making sure to eat Before this -> we have recently got groceries and there are muffins. before this i was literally eating a slice of bread so i would at the very least not pass out or vomit so obviously when we have that im going to switch to Depending on that -> this is something i do a lot, unconciously, to eat. i have a single 'meal' and stick with it until its run out. whether or not it has lots of steps.

what happened after this is

my brother gets pissed cause i ate all the muffins and he calls me a bitch and some other stuff idr cause i deleted the messages -> i am hanging by a thread and being confronted abt an insecurity on multiple levels makes me very upset -> i attempt to deflect these feelings by joking about it so that i can convince myself that im not upset -> he responds negatively and calls me annoying + brings up the fact that hes the only one whos been cleaning downstiars and subtly implying that im lazy and never do any work. a fact he Has said to my face despite this being proven Not True many times. and none of the Mess hes been cleaning up is mine since i have not been using the kitchen / using dishes / had items isolated to a single small table -> i get more upset and decide to be honest and write a short, frank note [bc this is all over text bc he never talks to me face to face] saying that i am depressed. its difficult to eat and i wasnt even Thinking of him [as he is someone who regularly gets on everyone else for eating junk sweet food so i dont think he wnats that stuff] and i apologize for being a dick and thank him for cleaning up.

after this he does not respond which means that there is nothing else he wants to say on the matter. that was a few days ago and i do not talk / go near him. ive phsyically seen him Three times since this exchange. and they lasted a few seconds since i quickly Left The Area.

today was the first time hes messaged me since then to tell me to do the dishes. i Was going to - was debating not to but then it got into my head as a Task I Need To Finish before i could continue what i was doing - but when i went downstairs he was on the couch and this scared me so i went back upstairs and was promising to do it tomorrow.

Until i had another breakdown and completely reorganized all my projects so i wouldnt have an unproductive spiral. and then i just finished so i thought Now i will do the dishes so i can get back into doing my Other Tasks. that is if they werent done - the thing with the dishes is that he said he was going to cook. which is how it usually goes. so its not like he just told me to clean LOL

but during this time i had headphones on which are sound proof and as i was going outside i took them off and realized the tv was on which means hes downstairs. and also i could smell meat cooking, meaning he was making dinner. its at this point i was like. whoops i didnt do the dishes that sucks but also. i Have told him i was in the middle of a depressive period. i havent been eating and i havent been leaving my room at all. even my father picked up on this. its easy to assume that he understands that hey! maybe youll tell me to do something and i just dont do it. for gods sake i didnt even answer the text bc i didnt want to say id do it and then not do it.

so i went to shower instead and felt really sick standing up since obviously i havent eaten and it feels like my stomach is caving in and i can smell food cooking which just makes it significantly worse.

which is whatever. i leave. i think about whether or not my pride will let me go downstairs when he tells me hes made dinner. NOTE: my father is gone today - hes partying with his work friends as a going away thing. so it is just us.

except! he hasnt texted me at all! in fact! its been half an hour since i know he cooked and nothing has been said to me. which leaves the options. he made something else and i can just fend for myself. he made the original meal [which was burgers and takes a while to do cause he does it from scratch] and was pissed that i didnt do the dishes so he didnt make me any. or hes still cooking and has yet to text me [doubtful]

which. i dont know which is worse! and i am unsure if i am allowed to be upset by this!

because on one hand yea. i was supposed to do the dishes and i couldnt even bring myself to do that.

but on the other hand. man im fucking depressed. it took two days of convincing to get me to brush my teeth again. i am getting physically ill from lack of food and ive been having casual thoughts of suicide again. and its not like he doesnt know. like ive told him. ive left out my diagnosis papers so he could see them - which he told me hes read ! im not 'suffering in silence' or whatever. im just FUCK i dont know. i hate this stupid family.

its like everyone looks at me and goes. yea you have problems. but the second i start i dont fucking know having problems everyone gets soooo mad at me and tells me how awful and lazy and how im literally never going to ammount to anything or do anything < real words that my brother had said ! he went off very long on how pathetic i am to my father and only 'apologized' like a day later when he was high which was barely even an apology he just said sorry and then hung up.

its like every time i try to get better and then everyone around me just. fucking i dont even know man. my mom hates me. my brother hates me. my father hates everything i like and everything i stand for and completely refuses to ever listen to me actually talk. im awful person to everyone around me and all my friends and im not getting out of this hell hole. nothing is going to change when i get to iowa. im just gonna be the same shitty person in an even shittier country with people and family that i hate

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psychelis-new · 1 year

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something i just have to get off my chest...

for so long ive been wondering why i feel the way i do towards my parents- despite the fact theyve been good providers to me. today, i just realized that this anger im feeling isn’t actually coming from me being their daughter but as a woman. everytime i would hear them talk shit about other women, i cant help but feel that anger. the first time i realized how fucked up most of their views about women, i felt conflicted.

relationship with parents can be very complicated when you start seeing their different sides. it is like you do recognize them as good parent but you also know they can be one of the shitty person out there.

Yeah ofc. Relationships of all types are complicated. But with our parents it's a bit different cause we grow up seeing them (even unconsciously) as super humans. They are our heros, our providers, they take care of us. [ofc, this is not for everyone sadly, but in this moment I'm answering to people that feel the same way as you do, i.e. recognize they did what they could for you and you can consider them good parents]

Once we grow up though, we start to see them for what they really are: humans. People that have their own fears, insecurities, flaws, traumas and issues (often unrecognized and unhealed, and generally they acquired them from their parents too -psychologists call it "intergenerational trauma"). People that try their best but aren't perfect. As anyone else on this planet tbh. No matter what, we cannot help it but feel betrayed somehow, cause we thought they were perfect when we were children and didn't know sh- about life and problems/stuff. We just trusted them and followed them. Obeyed them blindly, or almost... Turns out we were wrong and they cannot be trusted as we thought (it's not totally so, but our pain wants us to think this sometimes... it's the hidden message we may subconsciously get from their behaviour). Anger is a very complex feeling, it can ofc come out after a specific trigger as in your case, but it generally hides much more (resentment, guilt, sadness...). It may also hide fear, as in you fearing not being able to be heard by them or understood by them as a woman (and anything related to this). Or fear being judged as they do with other women (maybe you feel like those women, not just as a woman in general but for something they do or say, anything they specifically get judged on by your parents).

Whatever it is for you, do not feel bad for feeling this way. It's a normal reaction. Try to let yourself grieve over any type of hurt you may feel about your parents. And also, if you feel triggered by the way they express their feelings about women, you can try and calmly talk and help them see another point of view they may not be considering (their mind may be wired to think in a certain way, but it may not be totally their view). Or just let it all slid. Despite Idk the specific problem they see in women, I'm kinda sure it comes from the way they were raised. It happens to many people (also adults) to show their own insecurities and triggers by judging/attacking/projecting on others (it's easier than focusing on themselves or being aware of the real meaning of what you're actually saying and the pain it may bring), and these days it's getting even worse tbh.

Anyway yeah. Get anger out of your chest, don't let it rot inside. Write what you'd like to tell them and how you feel, if you don't feel like talking directly with them... Journaling is very often of help in realizing root problems our triggers may hide.

Take care of you<3

#.#asks

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9tzuyu · 2 years

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i know who you pretend i am

mama!nat x teen reader

note: i’m projecting SOOOOO HARDDDDD rn. so sorry i have mommy issues

blame mitski and a scarlett edit with her “why not me” lyrics. im in Pain. also if ur adopted this ones for you fr.

prompt: reader’s always getting in trouble and hoping to push away nat, but nat reassures them she’s never leaving. idk im awful at summaries.

🏷: @c-is-writing ‹3

masterlist

. . .

it was never big news when you’d gotten in trouble. from vandalism, skipping class, to fighting, your mother didn’t exactly know what to do with you.

natasha had already taken away your phone, given you an early curfew, grounded you from extracurricular activities. she even thought forcing you to get a job would help teach you a few responsibilities, but that only proved natasha wrong.

almost every week there was something new, whether it be a detention or saturday school. you just couldn’t help but do something wrong.

“i don’t understand why you can’t just stay out of trouble. i don’t have enough fingers on my hands to count what number detention this is.” natasha exasperated, sending you a glare.

“yeah well next time my teacher shouldn’t have such a stick up his ass.” you grumbled.

“you can’t just throw a fit every time something doesn’t go your way!” she fussed once more. you only rolled your eyes knowing she didn’t know the full story.

“it wasn’t even a–”

“don’t start with me, i’ve had enough of you right now. when we get home just do me a favor and go to your room. i don’t want to deal with you.”

ouch.

you didn’t bother telling her you had work in an hour. you’d just walk and if she happened to check on you she might get the hint. right now you didn’t care.

. .

several hours later and you were almost through your shift at the ice cream shop. the atmosphere at work was completely different from the one at home, and you’d almost forgotten the trouble from earlier in the day. between the jokes you cracked with your coworkers and all the customers that came in, you didn’t have time to even think about it. well, that was until your mom showed up.

“here you go, little one. don’t tell anyone, but i put extra sprinkles on top just for you.” you gave a playful wink to the kid before handing over the cone in your hand.

“you guys enjoy!”

before you could do anything else the voice of your coworker caught your attention.

“dude, is that your mom?”

“um yeah, i’ll be right back.”

natasha’s face showed no direct emotion. she’d only ever showed up once at your job before, so you weren’t really sure why she was here. it wasn’t like days like today hadn’t happened in the past.

“mom? what are you doing here?”

she glanced at her watch, “you’re off the clock in 45 minutes?”

“yeah-”

“you can leave early if you want, it’s dead anyway.” you shot your coworker a glare, not wanting to deal with your mother at the moment.

“let me just go clock out real quick,” you mumbled.

“i’ll be outside.”

a groan left your mouth. “why would you let me leave early?”

“you know most people want to leave early.”

sighing, you typed in your employee code at the pos stand. “yeah well not me.”

“see you later, y/n.” you playfully flipped him off on your way out.

natasha wasn’t surprised when you said nothing to her. she said something awful and it would be awhile before it left your mind.

“i didn’t mean what i said. you know that, right?”

you shrugged, making your way towards her car. “it’s fine, you were just angry with me. i get it.”

i wouldn’t want to deal with me either, is what natasha knew you were thinking.

“it’s not fine, not at all. i shouldn’t have said it just because i was angry. you’re my kid and i don’t ‘deal’ with you, i love you.” you let her words sink in as you got into the car. so many insecurities were starting to rise all at once, you were beginning to feel overwhelmed.

“i just want to know why.”

“why what?”

natasha looked at you, head down, fumbling with the sleeves of your shirt. she’d never seen you so small, so vulnerable before.

“why you act out, why you do the things you do, why you’re so afraid of being loved by me.” natasha answered simply, waiting for a reply, but when you didn’t speak she took it as a sign to push a little more.

“i took you in four years ago and i told you i’d never give up on you, or let you go, or think you’re too much to handle. you’re doing everything you can to test my limits, to see when i’ll snap, but it’s not working, sweetheart. it never will because i’m not leaving you. so why are you trying to push me away?”

by now you were trying to wipe the tears off your face before natasha could notice.

“i’ve never had anyone stay in my life as long as you have. i’ve never had anyone care for me in the way that you do. it just seems too good to be true. it can’t be true.”

natasha pushed your hair away from your face. “nothing you do will ever change the fact that i love you. there will never be a second where i think i don’t want you. a good mother’s love will never break, just as it will never end.”

“i’m sorry,” you croaked, desperate to keep yourself together. “i know i’m bad, but i’ll do better. i promise.”

“you aren’t bad just because you’ve made a few mistakes in your life. you’re good at heart, i know you are.” she murmured.

“how are you so sure?” natasha couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.

“i saw the way you handled that child in the shop. and i’ve seen the way you help other people without even realizing it. all those times you’ve held the door? or the times you’d give something up for someone else, even though you’d tell me you didn’t want whatever it was anyway? cooking dinner for me when i was too caught up with work?”

you sniffled, “but that’s just what other people would do too.”

“no, sweetheart. you’d be surprised by how many people don’t care in all the little ways you do.” she kissed the top of your head, “i’m so proud of you.”

you shook your head, finding it hard to accept something you’ve always wanted to hear, but never felt deserving of being told.

“don’t say that.”

natasha frowned. “why not? it’s true. in fact i’ve never been more proud of something in my life – calling you my kid.”

“i love you mom,” you whispered, just barely enough for natasha to hear.

“i love you more. lets go home, yeah?”

“yeah.”

#natasha romanoff x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #black widow x reader #mama!nat

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dreamersville · 3 years

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songs i would sing to people in bnha

an? yes i know this was posted on another blog. that was me !! i moved it from my nsfw to my sfw blog. request are open

pairings? too fucking many

tw? none.

sero- SO INTO YOU-SWV, this man is so fucking fine and i don't think nobody tells him enough, so imma do it my damn self, and he feel like he doesn't look good enough to be with you

kirishima -I WANT HER -KEITH SWEET, cause we would take turns singing to back to each other and to show that no he did not get boring and you still love him like when y'all first got together

denki- PIECE OF MY LOVE -GUY, idk i just wanna sing this to him so he knows no matter what i would have some love for waiting for him

bakugou - LOVE -KEYSHIA COLE, hes insecure doesnt think hes loving you right so sing this to him so he knows that he loving you right

izuku - ALWAYS ON TIME -JA RULE + ASHANTI, you know he trying to be there for you but being the number one hero is kinda hard, sing this to him to show that you feel like his number one person

iida- LOVE ON TOP -BEYONCÉ, he feels like he doesnt care for you as he should while hes trying to uphold to the iida name, sing this to him so he knows you appreciate him and that you for sure know that you are his top project

shinsou- EVERY LITTLE STEP -BOBBY BROWN, imma sing this to him because imma support him though all the steps of him trying to reach his dream and he needs to know that

aizawa -BUY YOU A DRINK - T-PAIN + YUNG JOC, you sing this because you so happen to meet him at a bar and it reminds you of him and because he learn yung joc part to sing with you

shoto -WEAK -SWV, idfk you would sing this to him just because you can he would either be confused or really flustered, might join in if you play it around him enough

keigo -IM REAL -JENNIFER LOPEZ + JA RULE, he feels as though he doesn't deserve you and that one day he's gonna come home and your gonna be gone, so sing this to him to show him that w real and here to stay

shoji -UNTHINKABLE (IM READY) -ALICIA KEYS, you could be 7 years deep into your relationship and he would still get all shy when you sing this to him, wasnt really expecting to get a s/o so he's grateful for you

mina -POISON -BELL BIV DEVOE, you have a whole ass routine together, you and mina?? on this song?? immaculate. doesnt care you cant sing/dance you're gonna preform with mina and she doesn't care!! shes hyping you up the whole time

momo -WHEN I SEE YOU-FANTASIA, it is canon she doesn't think highly of herself so imma sing this shit because baby needs to know she looks good asf !!

fatgum -CANDY -CAMEO, just cause he need sweets and food for his quirk and he would get so flustered 😩, i live for it

mirio -MY BOO- USHER, i would do it to tease and love on him because he my mother fucking boo!!!

amajiki -REFILL-ELLE VARNER, i would sing this all out of key and everything just to show him i could never get tired of the way he loves me

taglist: open send me an ask or message to join

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ifmywishescametrue · 3 years

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omg now im jealous about all of the breaking up and making up stories!!! they're all so wonderful but is it okay to ask for a steve/tony one? i know you've made one inspired by ts (amazing) and this time, maybe they meet/bump in a coffee shop? idk angst potential but also hopeful/happy ending aahhh. your stories are amazing esp ivy!!! thank you! <3

thank you so much!! it ended up being more cute than angsty, but I hope you like it!

Steve's pencil drifts idly across the page of his sketchbook with no end vision in mind. He's killing time until Nat shows up, which could be anywhere between the next five minutes and the next two hours with her vague text that simply said running late. When he looks up to reach for his near empty coffee cup, he freezes with his hand in the middle of the air.

At first he thinks it might not even actually be him. Tony's hair was never quite this well styled before, always a tangled mop on his head that sometimes fell into his eyes. Steve used to spend hours sometimes running his fingers through those wild curls while Tony slept on his chest. It's been tamed since then, cut shorter and held into place by some type of product. The facial hair is new, too. He remembers a time when it would always come in patchy and uneven, and Tony would pout as he shaved away the latest attempt at looking older than he was. The eighteen year old boy in oversized hoodies and stained jeans he met years ago has been replaced by a man in a well-pressed, expensive looking suit with a leather briefcase, like he just stepped out of a boardroom a minute ago. From what Steve has read about his life since they broke up, he probably did.

Steve stares without fully meaning to and for much longer than he would have if it was intentional. He watches him order his drink and smiles when the barista’s eyes widen at what he knows is an overly complicated order, wondering if Tony ever did finish his quest to find that perfect combination of syrup flavors, sugar, and cream that only he would ever like.

He catches the double take when Tony notices him there, right as he’s taking his first sip of the iced drink, and the cough when he chokes on it is anything but subtle. Steve looks away with red cheeks and tries to pretend he wasn’t staring, but it’s a futile effort. He can’t say he minds, though. Not when it means Tony walks over to him and unceremoniously drops himself into the chair across from him.

His mouth forms a familiar smirk, and he says, “You seem to have a staring problem, Rogers.”

Suddenly, Steve is nineteen again, falling hopelessly in love with the boy in his introductory chemistry class. It felt sort of like fate at first when they were paired together for the final project, and Steve remembers thinking that his chances were shot to hell when Tony sat down next to him and said those exact words. He never was any good at being discreet.

Back then, for that first time, all he could manage was a stuttered apology in response. But eventually it became their thing. Something just for them that no one else could ever understand. When Steve would watch him from across the room at parties, because he knew how much Tony loved having his eyes on him, and Tony would saunter over with that same smirk and those same words, there was only ever one reply.

“Guess I just really like what I see,” Steve says, and Tony’s face splits into a grin that matches Steve’s own. He’s still beautiful, even if it’s different now. Less softness to his appearance and more defined edges and sharp lines, but heart stoppingly beautiful nonetheless. He doesn’t quite say as much, but he does comment, “You do look good, by the way. Different, but good.”

Tony’s smile softens into another familiar one. It’s his smile for compliments, when he’s thinking self-deprecating thoughts that he won’t voice. Instead he’ll turn the attention back around, shifting the spotlight.

“So do you. The good part, but not really the different part.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, contemplating if not looking different contributes to the good or not. He should look different somehow, shouldn’t he? After two and a half years not seeing each other in person and what feels like a lifetime’s worth of heartbreak in between then and now, he should look as changed as he feels. As changed as Tony looks now, like he’s someone new entirely. He’s pretty sure the t-shirt he’s wearing now is one he owned back then.

“Thanks,” Steve says anyway, for lack of anything better.

Just before it has the chance to fall into awkward silence, Tony says, “I didn’t know you were in New York these days. I would’ve called or something if I’d known.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Would you have?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I would’ve thought about it, at least. You know, stalked you online, found your number, dialed and hung up a few times.”

Steve laughs, fiddling with the straw wrapper from earlier to give himself something to look at other than Tony. “I moved back last year. Thought about calling, but I figured you were busy. Didn’t want to waste your time.”

It’s only a partial truth. He did think about calling when he came to Brooklyn after his year-long internship in London ended, but he didn’t want to know what Tony would say if he did. If he would have some sort of transparent excuse to avoid seeing him or if it would be an outright rejection.

“I would’ve made time for you,” Tony says, so painfully sincere that Steve has to look up again to meet his eyes.

He wonders if Tony is thinking of that last fight, if it’s a purposeful or coincidental reference to some of what Steve said. It was by far the worst fight they’d ever had, all over the phone with an ocean between them and so many things that Steve still wishes he could take back. Accusations flew on both sides until the entire thing was blown so completely out of proportion, yet impossible to reel back in. He should have just hung up the phone before it went that far. Before he could tell Tony that he always felt unimportant compared to everything else in his life, which was sometimes true but entirely unfair. Before Tony could say that Steve talked about Peggy in the same way he used to talk about him, and he didn’t have to finish the thought for Steve to understand the implication.

“Are we talking about it?” Steve asks.

Tony shrugs, feigning casual, but just the corner of his lip is between his teeth in that way that means he’s nervous and trying to hide it. “I guess that depends on what this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we said back then that maybe it was just bad timing. You were in London, and I was in Boston until graduation, and it was always going to be a bit of a mess, but there was always that someday chance, right? So maybe this is someday, and we talk about it, and try to get it right this time,” Tony says. “Or maybe that was just something we said and didn’t mean, and I ask you about your life, and you ask about mine, and we talk and laugh and pretend that we’re friends again for the next half hour or so before we go our separate ways.”

It’s an easy choice, really. If there’s one thing that Steve’s sure of, it’s that it’s always been him and always will be.

“I don’t want to go separate ways,” Steve says. “The first time was hard enough, and I never really moved on. I got better, but I don’t think I’ve been more than just fine in a long time.”

Tony nods slowly, “I kept thinking you would call, you know. Back then. I thought you would call and tell me that it was a mistake and it would be okay again, but you never did. Although, I guess I could’ve called, too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“For the same reason as you, probably. I couldn’t risk it if you didn’t want me again. Couldn’t risk getting back together just to break up again, either. We weren’t exactly the poster children for making long distance work.”

“We were terrible at it, weren’t we?”

Tony’s smile is tinged with the pain of the past. “It’s kind of funny because I remember thinking that it might be a good thing for us when you told me about London. Can’t get sick of somebody if they’re not always around.”

“You thought I would get sick of you? You never told me that.”

“Why would I?” Tony laughs. “Just put all my insecurities on display like that? Come on, Steve, that doesn’t sound like me, does it?”

Steve laughs with him briefly, “No, but I could’ve told you back then that it wasn’t possible. Told you that I wanted you around all the time and I missed you every second you were gone. I might’ve even stayed if you had told me. I was thinking about it, you know? I almost turned the internship down. Probably would’ve if you’d asked even once for me not to go.”

“It was your career. I never would’ve asked you to give that up for me.”

“There would have been something else. Another job somewhere closer to you.”

“I still wouldn’t have asked,” Tony says. “And I would have told you to go if you’d said you were staying.”

Steve knows that, which is why they never talked about it much before he left. Tony pretended to be happy for him, and Steve pretended to be happy for himself, when really it already felt like the beginning of the end. A year apart is longer than it seems, and it didn’t take more than a few months to realize it.

“I never…” Steve starts, trailing off when he doesn’t quite know how to finish the sentence. “There was never anyone else. Not while we were together, and never with Peggy.”

“I know. I knew back then, too, that you were never that kind of person. Jealousy’s just a real bitch sometimes.”

“There’s really not been anyone since, either,” Steve adds, and Tony’s mouth quirks into a half smile. “I mean, a couple of people here and there, but nothing like what we were.”

“There’s not a whole lot out there like what we were, is there?”

Steve smiles, leaning back in his chair, “No, there’s really not. But I do remember reading a rumor that you got engaged.”

Tony groans, and it’s so much like he used to sound when he was nine pages deep into a ten page essay at three in the morning that Steve has to laugh.

“Don’t you dare laugh. That rumor haunts me, Steven,” Tony says, belied by a grin that he seemingly can’t control. “Do you know how I found out about my supposed engagement? When my mother called and asked why I hadn’t told her I was planning on proposing.”

“So I’m still the only person you’ve ever proposed to,” Steve teases, just for the way he knows Tony will get indignant about it.

“How many times do I have to tell you that one didn’t count?”

“You were on one knee, you asked a question, and you had a ring. All the boxes are checked, sweetheart.”

“It was a blue raspberry ring pop, and you ate it,” Tony argues. “Not to mention that I actually asked you to marry me someday in the distant future. That’s not a proposal.”

Steve laughs again, thinking about that day in the middle of their living room, just a few weeks before Steve got the call that would take him to London and change everything. It was almost like a joke, and for anyone else it would have been. Not for them, though, because Steve remembers the look in Tony’s eyes when he dropped down in front of him, spur of the moment and impulsive like almost everything was back then. He remembers how it still felt like a promise, even if it wasn’t the real thing.

“But I said yes, which I think technically means we’re still engaged.”

“Absolutely not,” Tony scoffs. “It’s going to be a production when we get engaged. Elaborate and planned and romantic as hell.”

“When, huh?” Steve grins.

Tony’s cheeks pinken a touch, but he doesn’t take it back. He reaches for Steve’s hand on the table. “Yeah, when. Is that alright with you?”

Steve threads their fingers together, holding on tight. “That’s alright with me.”

#stevetony #stony #superhusbands #my writing #my fic #prompt fill

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crash-cinematic-universe · 3 years

Text

rumor has it

pairing: peter maximoff/reader

summary: Idk if im doing it in the right one but whatever. Can you write a peter maximoff imagine where he has a girlfriend(reader) that has Allison Hargreeves powers from The Umbrella Academy - anon

warnings: none! peter is kind of Insecure but honestly when is he not

notes: this is a shor(er) and sweet one! it is 1 AM where i am so sorry if I missed some mistakes! im on the verge of collpase <3

taglist: @stranger-names @gooseyhouse @parkersdarling @amourtentiaa @toodles-me-doodles

“I heard a rumor you stopped talking,” You groaned, watching as Peter’s lips went from a blur to a thin line. He slumped over, pouting at you with puppy dog eyes. You just stared back at him, your eyebrows furrowed and shoulders tense. As much as you loved Peter, he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

“Peter, look, I know you’re bored, but Hank really needs this motor fixed and I promised him it would be done by tomorrow. I need to work, but I can’t focus with you here, dollface, you know that,” You attempt to cheer him up, but he’s still looking upset. “The minute this essay is complete you’ll have me all to yourself, no distractions. My one-hundred percent, undivided attention,”

“How long will that take?” The rumor had worn off, but you didn’t mind. Peter looked at you, and the slight feeling of regret washed over you. He was just bored, and probably a little lonely. To be completely honest, this project would probably take you the rest of the day to complete, and probably the better part of tomorrow. It was a complicated motor, and even though you’re quite handy, this type of project is always a challenge.

“The rest of today… probably a few hours tomorrow--” Peter sighed dejectedly and rested his chin on his arm. Disappointment was written across his face, and it seemed as if he was trying to hide it, albeit poorly. He understands that the work that you and Hank do is important, and he realizes that sometimes he can be a little overbearing, but lately you’ve been so busy he almost never gets to see you.

“Can’t you just rumor Hank into forgetting about the motor for today?” Oh, you’ve definitely considered it. You take Peter’s face in your hands.

“You know I can’t, Peter,” He leans into your touch. It’s adorable. “It’s a violation of the trust and boundaries we established. Plus, he’ll probably get pissed at me and rip me in half,”

“He’d have to go through me, first,” Peter laughed softly. There’s something eating away at him, the gnawing feeling of worry tearing at his stomach.

Peter Maximoff isn’t an idiot. He hears the whispers in the hallways, he sees the way the students look at him when he’s with you. They all think you can do better. They’ve all placed bets to see how long you last before you kick him to the curb. You’d think being a hero would make him more popular, but no. Peter Maximoff is just as much of a loser now as he was in high school, X-Men be damned.

So, yeah, Peter Maximoff isn’t an idiot, but he is a loser. He’s a loser in a mansion surrounded by people who aren’t losers-- more specifically, your socially anxious lab partner. Everyone expected you and Hank to eventually end up together; you were both science nerds, you both enjoyed relatively isolated events, and you both moved at the same pace. That’s probably why the entire mansion was shocked to its core when Peter wound up being your boyfriend. Of course, he loves you with everything he’s got, but there’s always that feeling of doubt settled over him. It was too much, it was all too much and he needed to get away.

“Whatcha’ thinking about, gorgeous?” Peter got so lost in thought, he forgot about the situation at hand.

“I-- ” He sounded uneasy. This is how everything unravels-- he gets too honest and scares you off. Peter didn’t pay attention in history class, but he’s pretty sure Rome fell because some old guy was insecure and drove his girlfriend away. “I just, uh, don’t really want to be alone right now.” Peter thought he sounded pathetic. You thought he sounded sweet.

You looked down at the motor on your desk, the tiny screws and mechanical components jumping out at you like your desk was a pop-art installation. With a smile and a shrug, you pushed away the bits and pieces and stood up, pulling Peter up with you.

“Hank is just gonna have to suck it up and wait another day,” Peter grins as you pull him close. You collapse on your bed, and Peter quickly gets comfortable beside you. His head is resting against your shoulder, and his long arms are locked around you. He plays with your fingers, examining every mark and every scar with the focus of a brain surgeon going into work. Sometimes you wondered if Peter was just trying to memorize every single feature and every little detail that you had. He was.

“Y’know, your mutation is so cool,” Peter muses. You press a light kiss of his temple. “You can literally get anything you want. You could get anyone to do anything for you at any given moment. Everyone in the world is like a video game character to you; all you have to do is give a command and we follow it,”

“I guess it’s alright,” You shrug.

“It’s amazing.” Peter’s fingers are drumming against your arms at an impossible speed, but you don’t mind. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re pretty cool, too,” The drumming comes to a sudden stop. The gentle rhythm of Peter’s breathing falters as well.

“Eh,” He mumbles. “Compared to everyone else, I’m pretty lame. Compared to you? I’m nothing more than a speck of dust in the galaxy that is you.”

“Aw, Peter, you don’t give yourself enough credit,” It makes you sad to hear him say negative things about himself, but that’s part of building confidence. Sometimes you just need to be proven wrong.

“Remember when you saved the entire mansion when Cerebro exploded? Or that time you kicked ass on that space mission we went on? If I tried to rumor you into being cool, nothing would happen because you’re already pretty amazing.”

“You really think so?” Peter looks up at you, and something about the look in his eyes makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.

“I know so.” For now, that was enough.

“Y’know, I heard a rumor that you loved me.” Peter jokes, glancing up at you. You look right back at him.

“That’s a beautiful rumor,” A smile grows on your face. Your companion seems content with that. “Funnily enough, I heard the same one about you.”

“Rumors travel on the devil’s radio,” Peter giggles. You wish you could put his laugh on a CD and keep it forever.

“Who knew the devil was such a romantic?”

#peter maximoff #peter maximoff x reader #wandavision #xmen #quicksilver #quicksilver x reader

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