#idk if im ace or not i dont really understand anything but i know id rather have a dragon

[arowitharrows]

hello, i had some maybe broad-but-vague stuff i wanted to ask to someone who knows more about ace stuff since i've been seeing a surge of related content about that topic lately, and i wondered if you might be someone i could ask? i know it's alot, and please ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable. im not trying to be hateful or anything, i just feel sort of ignorant about it all. ace stuff, specifically. until now, i always ignored people saying they were ace before, because i didnt get it and i just figured that i didnt need to get it to just mind my own business, but it seems so much more prevalent online now than it used to be, id like to understand. i dont mean to be crude, but in my mind it's like- not fucking people is the baseline. thats just how people are. like, the template of a human isn't sexual. starting point of humanity or something like that, and everything else is just extra, though as i type that i actually can see that that might be too flawed and general of an outlook, but that's the best way i can think to phrase my thoughts. so to put focus on that baseline, as an entire identity, always seemed extraneous to me? im really not sure if theres more to it that im missing to put it in some different context. i did wonder if it was to do with just like, reacting to societal expectations that everyone, idk, be sexual? or just the assumption that everyone would (or should) end up like that at some point in their life? and that's pretty fucked up, but i always just thought that was really weird of the people expecting that sort of thing, not of the people they criticized, and that if it were just a reaction that it wouldn't be considered an identity. and the same really goes for the romance stuff, in my mind. it just seems like such a non-problem to me. and that sounds alot harsher than i mean it to be, but i dont get it. its just the regular way to be, and everything else is extra, so all of the controversy is for what? it always came off as making a big deal out of nothing to me. personally, i've never felt any sort of realistic romantic or sexual attraction to another person before in my life, but (other than here) i don't go around talking about that. if the people around me went around talking about how they DID feel that stuff, i would think they were oversharing rather inappropriately. so i don't get that the difference is. it just people searching for other people who feel how they feel using "ace" as a label, a way to do that? a community thing? then why rally around that minuscule aspect of a person's being? or maybe it doesn't feel minuscule? i dont want to come off as belittling, so if theres a better way to refer to all this, please let me know. sorry for the wall of text and like i said, feel free to ignore this. i'm not trying to be an asshole and its not on you to field this sort of question, but i just want to understand. thank you for your time!

Hey anon, It's great of you to reach out and try to learn, or unlearn, some things about asexuality and aromanticism. I'm going to try to break things down a bit (this is not in the order of what you wrote)

not fucking people is the baseline. thats just how people are. like, the template of a human isn't sexual. starting point of humanity or something like that, and everything else is just extra. [...] and the same really goes for the romance stuff, in my mind. [...] its just the regular way to be, and everything else is extra

I'm honestly not sure what you mean by this. I don't believe there is a baseline template for humanity, we are too complex for that. But even if there were a baseline I would set it to what the majority of humanity experiences and I think it's safe to say that a large majority of people experience sexual and romantic attraction to others (the number that usually gets thrown around is 1% of the human population is asexual, but I do not believe this number is still up to date.) If asexuality were the norm then the asexual community would not have this many struggles with medical doctors (here, read this great article that just came out for some context).

That being said - you can view humanity this way if you want, I'm not going to say it's wrong. Just be aware that most people do not see it this way, and that many reactions people have when first learning about asexuality and aromanticism shows how much they view it as something unnatural, abnormal and something to be fixed.

if the people around me went around talking about how they DID feel that stuff, i would think they were oversharing rather inappropriately.

Most people I know experience romantic and sexual attraction as a normal part of their life, and they talk about it a lot, which I don't necessarily consider to be oversharing. Relationships and crushes and heartbreak and sex are important topics for many people, to the point where I would claim that a considerable amount of time goes into writing songs and books and movies and other media about it. Most coming-of-age stories involve romance and sex as milestones, most "humanizing the monster" stories involve falling in love as a proof of humanity, most commercials use sex-appeal to make people buy shit. All of this is integrated into everyday life, so all of this can make aspec people feel alienated and othered, even before they find the aro/ace labels.

When I was a teenager people wouldn't stop talking about sex, it was a way to measure your worth, so I felt.. worth less than my peers. Now I'm an adult and the older I get the more being single and unmarried is seen as a personal failure.

All this is to say that in my experience sexual and romantic attraction are not quiet aspects of society. And, for the record, I don't talk about my orientation much with people outside of my close family, even when it makes things awfully awkward because my disinterests does not go unnoticed, and is very much seen as an oddity.

so to put focus on that baseline, as an entire identity, always seemed extraneous to me. [...] it just people searching for other people who feel how they feel using "ace" as a label, a way to do that? a community thing? then why rally around that minuscule aspect of a person's being?

Why do you think any identity label exists? They are there to help us understand ourselves, to help us explain ourselves to others and to help us find others with similar experiences so we can feel less isolated. We live in a heteronormative society where everyone is assumed to perform sex and romance in a very strict and narrowly defined manner. People that fall out of that norm tend to struggle on many different, complex levels. Asexual and aromantic people are not exempt from these struggles. For some being ace and aro does not have a large impact on their lives and that's fine, for others it does have a large impact - that's what the community is for, and that's what the labels are for. For me personally, being aroace impacts a lot of my life. It influences my politics, my living situation, how I approach friendships, my decisions for my future.. it is not something trivial.

i did wonder if it was to do with just like, reacting to societal expectations that everyone, idk, be sexual? or just the assumption that everyone would (or should) end up like that at some point in their life? and that's pretty fucked up, but i always just thought that was really weird of the people expecting that sort of thing, not of the people they criticized, and that if it were just a reaction that it wouldn't be considered an identity.

No, I do not believe that is the origin of the asexual and aromantic identity. It is certainly a source of aphobia and a much needed point of conversation, but asexuality and aromanticism would continue to exist in a society in which this were not a problem, the same way homosexuality will continue to exist when the world is no longer homophobic, and heterosexuality exists right now in a world that is not "heterophobic". I also want to gently add here that the belief that asexuality is a "reactionary" identity due to an oversexualized society is one I've almost exclusively seen in radical feminism circles, just something to keep in mind when following such train of thought.

Everyone is free to decide the degree to which experiencing little to no sexual/romantic attraction impacts their life and if they want to view it as something important or not. But to generalize and say that it doesn't matter on a societal scale rings false. I highly recommend just listening to more aromantic and asexual people's experiences in society to get a feeling of how it impacts our lives.

#anon #long post #ask #mai rambles

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

Tumblr isn’t showing me what you reblog I am so sad (when the tumbly says so bingo star boys for me too like :((( they’re so meann to mee)

Anyways hello I’m thinking of writing an ace reader in the sagau so I’m interviewing you on what noticeable details to add 👉🏻👈🏻

aaaug oh no :(((

this got kinda long im so sorry aaa

uhm... i cant think of anything noticeable really in terms of like... behavior? it really depends. some aces are like majorly sex repulsed and others are neutral or more into it. plus some aces do have some level of sexual attraction like grey aces or demisexuals, and some have very weird relationships with it like quoisexuals (basically the word for it's really hard to describe whats going on. im the aro version of this !) and aegosexuals (me! basically it's very much its good in theory inside your head but it also cannot involve me either. and the moment its outside your head we are noping out rn). and even then it can change or be fluid. so really it depends on what kinda ace person youre writing.

though like if you wanted to signal it in some way id say an ace ring! basically, sometimes asexuals will wear a black ring on their middle finger (if you wanted to get specific, right middle finger) to signify they're ace. aros will use a white ring (specific, white ring left middle finger) instead, and aroaces can do both! neat bit of ace culture. plus theres the aces from playing cards! generally the ace of spades is used to represent asexuals but some people have the different card suites represent different ace identities, like the ace of hearts being for alloaces (aces with romantic attraction). plus then theres cake (whats better than sex? a good slice of cake), garlic bread/knots (whats also better than sex? garlic breads), and dragons!!! i dont know exactly why the dragons are ace culture but they are... so i think ace reader really liking vishaps would be so funny. plus dragons are fucking cool.

but anyway to speak personally and just from my asexual experiences....

i was so fucking confused when i realized sex was an actual thing people did. like sex???? like woohoo from the sims??? i thought that was a joke. i thought when people called other people hot or sexy it was like. just the same level as people calling others pretty. not like sexy as in you're sexually attracted to them or someone else would be sexually attracted to them. i thought you guys were joking about all that step on me or spit in my mouth shit what is this. and for something genshin specific i was initially very off put by the amount of horny in the genshin community. i still kinda am but like i also understand somewhat now? but i was genuinely so ??? with everyone going feral over kaeya and diluc and zhongli etc etc and even now dottore and haitham .... like sure okay mens tits 💯 but??? are you people good. and lisa + ying'er initially made me Very Uncomfortable (ying'er still does tbh).

so idk. in conclusion ace ring or something would be neat, an appreciation for food over the acolytes or something. xiangling is their favorite just because of her cooking lmaoooo

#im so sorry im no good at this #longer post #swearing cw #aethers asks

[pub-lius]

my thoughts watching the john adams series as i eat an uncomfortable amount of granola: dont tread on me 🥶🥶🥶

“you are here now 🥰 and you are safe 🥹” “uh… *leaves*”

1777 is my favorite year of the revolution tho, it was so slay ngl (totally not saying this just for von steuban)

i think john and abigail adams is good example of 18th century gender roles, where the man’s job was politics in government and the woman’s was politics in the community like social standing and all that. however it must be acknowledged that there was tension between them over these roles bc of how often john was away, which was kind of abnormal, likely bc john played so many diplomatic roles, much more than other men

“if i were a man, id be in the field of battle” idk why this made me sob. abigail knows so much about the war and what the soldiers go through, but she can only act vicariously through her husband, when this implies she really wants to do more ☹️☹️☹️☹️

IM ADDING LIKE 15 CHARLES ABUSE POINTS FOR THE SCENE WHERE JOHN AND JOHN QUINCY LEAVE BC FUCKING OWWWW charles abuse 1-15

john adams: VOMITING - john quincy: tu es 🥳 il est 🫣 elle est 🤨 je suis 🥶

omg the naval fight scene FUCKED ME UP the first time i watched it. i was like “omg his leg- OMG HIS L E G-“ and my dad was like “yeah thats what happened when you get SHOT DIRECTLY IN THE LEG WITH A CANNON”

ik this guy is having his leg chopped off and all but im just like “omg a good representation of 18th century medicine 🥰”

so uh… anyone want a granola bar?

OMG PARIS PARIS PARIS DHWJWHWJ they did it so well every time i see a scene in paris i piss my pants /pos (tmi but its that good)

bro who even liked ben franklin??? everyone who worked closely with him seemed to hate him or just tolerate him. like he’s funny, but damn bro. then again, the people i have in mind aren’t known for getting along with others, so maybe its that

i hate rich people but 1770s french aristocratic fashion… 🥵 (IM KIDDING IM SORRY DJSBWJWBWN)

“how is your french?” “uh… oh pas très bon…” “ah, that is easily remedied. you must either attend the theater or take a mistress” “DOCTOR FRANKLIN-“ me asf

im so shit at french, i cant even make fun of john

the whole quote john says about “i must study politics and war so my sons can study philosophy and shit so their sons can study music and whatever” is actually pretty dope. good one johnny

“he’s worked it all out” LMFAO I LOVE THAT GUY

OMG ITS LITTLE BABY LOUIS MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW omg you cant tell me he’s not ace, he’s literally wearing purple

he’s fr me tho like. “hello dr franklin!!! you have sex!!!! weird!!!! hello other guy!!!! …😐😑😐 you don’t speak french??? 🤨 not a word??? 😕… HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA bye *flutters away*”

is that vergennes? if its vergennes i’ll shit myself rn to fully understand what its like to be an absolute BABY

BEAT HIS ASS FRANKLIN BEAT HIS ASS

oh it was vergennes. i guess im going to have to shit myself. (i fucking hate vergennes so much he’s so annoying)

string quartet 🥺

D’ESTAING????? OMG LITTLE SCRUNGLY JEJEHWWBJ such a flirt too like bro keep it in your pants

who is this other guy?? who is he. he looks like my uncle. wait is that. who is the doctor. he’s a doctor. the bloodletting guy, he’s related to the schuylers. the surgeon general who is he. HELP ME WHO IS HE????

john quincy is smarter than his dad at like 12, i’ll give him that, but what is that haircut 🤨🤨🤨

OH NO OH NO ADAMS DONT GO IN THERE NO ADAMS FRANKLINS NAKEY DONT GO IN THERE NO DONT DO IT PLS STOP PLS NO JOHN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hes dead

“i have been left kicking and writhing in the myre” you’re what 🤨

he’s right about franklin tho, he’s a shit legislator

child abuse 1: verbal abuse @ nabby who never did anything wrong.

fr tho john is being highkey negligent of his family at home like. bro you don’t have to write to your wife about politics???? just tell her you’re okay tf, she’s worried. this pisses me off as someone with a dad who couldn’t see me all the time for his work and still went out of his way to be there. so yeah, fuck you, john. fuck. you

oh god the netherlands negotiations 😒 its so painful to watch

also the dutch architecture slaps just as much as the french

“*CHOKING AND DYING*” “are you will” “*STILL CHOKING* im fine” 🤨

YAAAS SLANDER HIM FRANKLIN SLANDER HIM!!! 🤩😌😊😊🤪🥰😒🥰😜🥸😊😊🤩🙂🤪😜😒🤨

“..do you mean… have i failed here as well?” yeah, actually.

child abuse 2: sending j.q to russia when he doesn’t want to and also with that bitchass haircut

was that a duty and inclination reference 😨

#john adams #john adams series #historical drama #EW BLOODLETTING IM GONNA FUCKING VOMIT I CANNOT WITH THIS SHIT JDHDKS

[fictionfixations]

jon and ace thoughts (i go off topic)

talk about NSFW seggs. its only mentions, thoughts.. okay. this is a really weird thought but its been plaguing me for awhile

and so like.. considering Jon's asexual, if they (Jon and Martin) ever did the thing, I'd think they'd take over the "Laughter During Sex" tag.

ive had this stuck in my brain for a LONg time. cause so like. cause people can not be interested in it themselves but say, like to make their partner feel good, or enjoy the emotional closeness of it? or maybe even not be interested in it themselves, or have a desire to, but willing to do it for their partner (okay that sounds wrong. but like. neutral i mean. not actively pursuing it, but arent repulsed by it either i mean, and thus wouldnt mind doing it for their partner, which id assume would still stick under ace spectrum?) this has been haunting me for awhile. i just needed to get this out here. its just some cute fluffy idea that's probably more them just acting normal, talking, yet the moment is a lot more intimate and close and lovey-dovey. dude they dont even have to move or anything like that, they could just sit (oh my god my sleep deprived brain said 'shit there' HAHA) there and be entirely content in each others arms, and itd be the cutest thing ever and 100% relationship goals but also in the event i ever desire to write this (doubtful because i generally dont write tooth-rotting fluff unless i have like an inspiration like that). i wont because i am terrified of doing a bad interpretation and that asexual doesnt even work that way in which.. yeah probably. i mean its probably best not to gatekeep or whatever and thats probably what im making it out to be but also like.. idk im just scared of being judged ig like 'nO THATS WRONG YOU IDIOT YOU BUFFOON YOU UTTER DUMBASS'

so im.. probably gonna leave. nsfw and jon far far away apart. because i mean i know you could just.. not make him ace. but like. ..no. that feels as cheap as turning characters trans just so they can have like straight sex. which theres nothing wrong with that in general because i mean 1. representation. 2. doing what makes you feel comfortable (like.. i mean id imagine if you had no idea how seggs worked youd have to ask a friend or something. and that gets awkward fast and thus its more comfy to just have what youre used to?) and etc etc but also haha it gets sexualized. so i perfectly understand that how some trans ppl might not be okay with that, just the same could be said for ace. i mean, there are two sides of a spectrum. for fucks sake im on the aromantic spectrum, it doesnt necessarily mean i dont feel any romantic attraction, but it still counts as on the spectrum, and therefore jon could be anywhere on that spectrum. he could be repulsed by seggs and find it gross or something, he could not have any desire to do so but doesnt have an opinion, he could not desire to do so but willling to do it with a partner, he could just enjoy making his partner feel good, he might just like fantasizing about it but hating it in practice, idfk theres a lot of different labels that nobody will know about, thats how it works, and things can vary a lot. and for obvious reasons no official source is gonna say what kind jon might be, its not even their business, which gives people a lot of creative liberty if they want to do anything with it. im just worried someone out there might have this stereotypical thought of what ace ppl are like and wrongly defending them, or maybe that the ppl themselves are uncomfortable with it or something like that. and i mean i cant speak for them, and heck maybe ill find out im on the ace spectrum who knows, but i still wouldnt be able to speak for them because i as a person, know i can feel and have romantic and sexual attraction, and that can be very different for people who dont have those same feelings or those who have no interest in it whatsoever. thus. to simplify it. my interpretation of ace jon is where he doesn't have any interest in it himself (or maybe he would be repulsed), but wouldnt mind doing it to make his partner feel good (there doesn't even have to be any penetration whatsoever), to do it for his partner, or to just enjoy the emotional closeness of it.

but im also kinda terrified im in the wrong here and this is a false interpretation thats not ace at all. so. yeah. just getting these thoughts out here.

#tma jon #jonathan sims #thoughts #writing ideas #acespec #asexual #asexuality #aspec #off topic

[flyingcookierambles]

hm

i think i really hate the term messy. like. ok maybe im terminally online or something but like. idk.

as an afab acearo enby who felt alienated/alone in high school by classmates/friends who had their first kisses and first crushes and stuff, and then as an adult who goes to online queer spaces only to see stuff like “REAL queers are MESSY. we have heartbreaks and yearning and sex to make us human and real queers. all the prudes are repressed and confused and stupid and they just need to have sex with someone to be real queer people. no western culture puritan virgins allowed in our community haha cry virgins and get laid or be a gross neckbread cis man/virgin incel in your mom’s basement  >:D” and im like just standing there like. oh. ok. i guess i’m not a “real human being / queer”. (ngl, i would like the “being a man” part to be true, plus thanks to the awful economy i’ll probably live at home with my mom for the rest of my life wow love it!) i’m just. not interested in irl sex/romance stuff, like fanfic and romance books are ok i guess, i think the right term in aegosexual? im too introverted to go to parties or meet strangers on tinder and have like idk a one night stand or something and lose my chance at being a wizard by 30, plus although i do finally have a drivers license and my sister’s old car, im not that comfortable with driving around, so i have no transportation or anything.

still, its frustrating to see “queer” communities just be like. aphobic (or like whatever the word is for against aromantics as well, unless that just gets rolled into the term aphobic?). allo friendly only. they just dont say it out loud. they just say that “real queers are messy and have great sex all the time” (thats my impression at least)

i dont want ppl to sexualize my body bc its gross and im not on hrt or anything so i just look like a cis woman (ugh even writing that term makes me feel gross now) but i know that thats what ppl judge me at first glance as and i dont want it. tbh even if i were allo, i think that id only want to date other nb/trans ppl (the t4t tag) who hopefully wont judge me for my body. like. maybe if i were allo in some alternate universe, i would only date bi/pan or demi-sexual trans ppl who can understand my body issues and judge me more by personality (or, like, for bi/pan people, they likely enjoy all body types. hopefully. not just. “female” bodies. idk. the t4t tag tho, i enjoy it and am glad i learned about it recently, very helpful 10/10)

ugh i guess. just. as an ace person trying to mind my own business, its annoying to get messages from the crazy jesus freaks that i am a “woman” and i must “have sex” and “have kids” and then get messages from the (allos only but this part is silent) queer community that to be “queer” is to have “sex with strangers bc if you only want to do it with ppl you know/are in love with, youre actually just oppressing yourself with western purity culture and you have to unlearn it right now and jump someones pants or else you wont save yourself from your own oppression” and be “messy” and be “not boring/introverted” and “go to parties and have flings” and “fall in love = human and queer and messy and adult” and “use tinder” or something idk (also disregarding the issues of health/STI risk and/or the risk of pregnancy for afab people + shrinking access to birth control/abortion care. no. just go out. having a casual hookup with someone. dont worry about it, just go lose your virginity you boring loser)

like idk. i dont like loud parties like on all those tv shows of “real messy human lives” like euphoria or whatever. im still a virgin so i guess i’m just an immature boring child who cant talk to people, even tho im a boring tax paying 25 year old temp office worker with ~30k of college student debt. even though i am nb/under the trans umbrella, i guess that im not sexual enough for the queer community. i dont like alcohol since its dumb and expensive and doesnt even taste good. i dont do drugs bc i dont even know where to get them. like. idk maybe i can text one of my former college classmates and ask if i can get weed from him or something. (but like i dont even like the smell, its like a skunk. maybe if the smoking kind like joints only smell bad and the edibles like the brownies or cbd infused foods dont smell i’d try it maybe idk?)(does making my dovakhiin in skyrim buy and drink skooma count?)(does watching game of thrones count? lol (until that horrible dumpster fire of a last season, i dont even have the motivation to watch the house of the dragon plus i dont have hbo max or the computer space to torrent rips of the episodes, i think the 8th season of GOT just made me lose faith in any other GOT media/tv spin offs other than the actual books themselves lol))

like. idk. maybe to the “cool, mature, real adult queers” online im just a silly little confused puriteen cis girl whos just too deep in the western puritan culture (bruh i grew up atheist and, for better or worse, spent my high school years on reddit with “Very Cool Atheists” i am not religious in any way) and “we must save her from the christian brainwashing” and im just cosplaying being “queer” or im not queer enough to be one of the cool “Messy (TM) queers” and “once youre out of high school/tiktok/get freedom from your parents house, you’ll learn better and have great hookup culture/drinking parties in college dorms” (....i am out of college...) and “being human is feeling love and having a good cry after a breakup” (ok guess im a heartless loveless freak like a kingdom hearts enemy lmao???) or “get therapy lol” (i cant afford it nor do i have the time. but tbh i probably have undiagnosed depression or anhedonia or blunted emotions or something. is that Cool enough for you? does having undiagnosed depression make me Messy (TM) enough to be in your Cool Queer Clique with Adult Life Experiences like not being able to afford therapy and having mystery mental illnesses?)

ugh. just. frustrating.

ill cry alone later and go on some depression sub or r/offmychest or r/confessions or something and probably complain again later abt this idk im just like. ugh. saw 1 tweet about how the only way to be queer is to be Messy (TM) and im just like. no. no that doesnt make me feel connected to your community at all. maybe i just shouldnt use the label queer if im not a real enough person with enough of the right kind of Messy Life Experiences (TM) to fit in with your clique and then get up at 5:55 am to get ready to go to my second job/retail shift. you know. since im just a puriteen confused sexless/maidenless little girl. not a boring 25 year old afab non-binary virgin who just wants to chill and play video games and maybe not have existential crises over how boring and dull and drab and poor i am to not be able to afford to go to parties or travel the world/ “haha you dumb puritan american, just go to a different country to see others cultures lulz” (i have no money and also paid time off doesnt exist here + you have to put in time off requests like 2 weeks to a month in advance and i dont even have a passport) and try 80 different kinds of alcohol or not have one night stands with total strangers despite also watching law & order: SUV (yes yes i know its copaganda and therefore Bad) and try to not think about how i, a small and kinda flabby/unfit asian american afab, might be hate crime’d and/or murdered in someones apartment or something (like, even i were allosexual, i know that even within the queer community for allo people like lesbians and bi/pan women (whether cis or trans women or generally feminine leaning ppl) have some qualms with cis gay men community’s hookup culture)(like i think that there was some ad or concept for a dating app and one of the features was just a button that sent your match your exact location via gps. and all the comments and qrts were of afab/feminine gender leaning ppl being like “bro why”)(also thinking of that one tweet of a tiktok of a white cis woman putting some strands of hair in her uber’s car and all the comments were just like “terminal true crime brain rot” which like yeah theres issues with true crime and exploitation and also tiktok brainrot is probably definately a thing but like c’mon man can ppl not ridicule marginalized ppl for 5 seconds. yes, that lady in the tiktok was def white and probably wouldve gotten like 800 news stories about her if she were to disappear, but like if the tiktok were of a bipoc person leaving a finger nail clipping or hair in an uber car, would you have still ridiculed that person having “terminally online true crime brainrot” or would you have sympathized with them? why do reasonable worries get made fun of despite the current hostile sentiments towards bipoc/trans people?)

eh. rambles. frustrations. idk. im gonna finish this stupid book of skywind 2 for this bard relic weapon. as a “not real/queer enough” person to be considered “human”. just a boring gamer boy that lives in his/their mom’s house and has no life i guess.

(i feel that i have to clarify again that this are random frustrations i have and i might private or delete this post at some point idk. but like. idk. i dont care what others do in their private times. i just am annoyed when others views on how my private life should be gets pushed on me, whether it be by right wing religious people being like “when are you getting married to a man/having kids” or by the “Cool Messy Adult Queers”/”Real People” club being like “why havent you lost your virginity yet, youre just oppressing yourself and are a heartless loveless freak, you need to have the exact same experiences that we allos have to be considered a Cool Queer Adult with Adult Experiences or else youre just a baby puriteen” (ah the infantilization thanks as if i dont get that enough with me being a young looking asian american under 5 feet tall and being a “girl” (gag))(wait wow wee golly gee the thought just occurred to me, but am i just oppressing myself by making myself sexless? *gasp* im not enough a Good Enough asian american, what with the transracial adoption issues so i dont “act” asian american and cant speak mandarin/cantonese/Leizhou Min since i dont have anyone to teach me as a child, and the only focusing on study in high school/college and not going to parties at all. im just a sexless good student asian american stereotype and my entire existence is an offensive stereotype and i cant call myself asian american enough or queer enough to be considered part of those communities! *GASP* wow thanks (allos only) queer community for teaching me that i am a truly a failure as a living breathing thing. i cant even call myself human since i dont have enough Messy (TM) Human Experiences (TM) and my love/sex life (the only part of life that matters after all, not that probably undiagnosed mental illnesses of depression or imposter syndrome or other gender/racial identity issues) is just me reading a spicy fanfic or playing DOL (if ya know ya know lol) sometimes and is totally virtual, not attracted/interested in Flesh And Blood Real Life Humans who are Cool and Queer at all, i only enjoy cold lifeless passionless boring dull monochrome digital letters on a screen and thats not Cool or Messy or Real (Life) enough to be the right kind of Queer for your exclusive Queer club or label myself as Queer or Human or Adult. (aces can only be boring emotionless robots stereotype intensifies)(imposter syndrome over racial identity issues intensifies)(oh yeah i am still ace/aro but like if i had to pick a micro-label i did kinda learn abt aego recently and i think its just neat so yoink lol))

so. maybe i shouldnt call myself queer. idk.

Thought that we left this aphobic/let's make fun of any one whether they are a legit minor too young to go party/drink/do recreational drugs or whether they are an adult with financial issues or trapped in a rural/conservative area with no other irl queer friends who can't afford to go to the cool hip queer sex bar/night club like thousands of miles away in the city (ageism/classism/ and metronormativity all in one?/reverse virgin shaming weirdness/ Trauma(TM) fetishization (*insert that sexy depression girl in bed meme pic*) bs back in like 2013 -15 tumblr or whatever. but I guess I was wrong.

(Also shout out to the time when I got a papercut real bad in my college dorm when I was doing homework and my colleges stupid health center/school nurse closed at an early time of night and all they have in the waiting room was a bowl of free condoms but no free bandaid or period care like free pads or tampons iirc. You know. Reasonable stuff that everyone could use not just allos. Had to spy into the hallway of the office and saw a light on in a back office. Banged on the door and was playing loud music from my phone for a guy to come out. Turns out like admin or accounting for the school shared the space with the hallway/office the school nurse was in. Asked the guy if I could have a simple bandage and he said no. Too much health insurance documentation legal stuff to say that one bandage was missing for one single student with a papercut at 8 pm. Had to walk in the dark to CVS to buy my own box of bandaid. While it was a "safe college" neighborhood thankfully nothing happened, it was not a fun time for me as a short and physically weak person waking around alone at night. Still salty over that. So stupid. My college was so weird and dumb sometimes)

Edit: oh yeah remembered that in addition to being aego aro I am also touch adverse. Sure can't wait for the Cool Adults to just ridicule me as a loser lonely repressed virgin brainwashed by the western purity culture robot forever and tell me to just go touch grass or get therapy or something unhelpful and stupid.)

edit edit: its been abt 10 hours now my temper is a bit cooled down. so like to reiterate, i think that i do agree with some of the sentiment in the original original post about queer media being more than just pg fluff and stuff and queer stories can be 18+ and whatever, its just that this one guy’s reply was just. mask off. exclusionary. aces are not queer, aces are straight people. just. uuugh. anyways. a qrt by an ace person and then a thread/conversation with the aphobe who thinks that ace doesnt belong in queer. i think ill block this guy. seriously i thought that we left this ace exclusion in 2015 but i guess not.

editiedit a few more days later even more now that my head is cooled down from the rage mood i was in when i typed this earlier: yes. i agree with this that being sex neutral should be the way. like i said rambling incoherently earlier, i dont like the actual bad slut shaming puritan stuff of conservatives, but again, i dont like the virgin/”youre just a puritan!” shaming that excludes sex repulsed aces, people who have trauma or whatever about sex that prevents them from having sex, disabled people who physically for whatever reason cant have sex, etc., that comes from the mEsSy QuEeR (extroverted party-going allos only put this part is silent) community. putting sex on a pedestal or glorifying it, as one reblog tag on that post says, should not be the answer to slut shaming. its just a thing that some people do and some people don’t. like deciding to eat pizza or not. its a personal choice and i dont agree with shaming people for doing it or peer pressuring people into doing it before they’re ready. i also saw a screenshot of the “sex repulsed aces = puritans. all my ace friends would hand out water bottles at the orgy.” that everyones talking about and like. nooo??? again, this is the virgin shaming/sex repulsed aces/people with disabilities/trauma exclusion that im talking about from the toxic positivity/sex positive group. if people dont want to go to the orgy and hand out water bottles, they just dont want to go to the orgy to hand out water bottles. it does not equal being a “pUrItAn.” (also, do not invite me to hand out water bottles at the orgy, as an introvert and also a person who doesnt want to get covid19, i just dont like parties or large groups of any kind, the only exception being anime conventions with strict vaccine and mask rules.)

editeditedit: also yes

#rant lol #aphobia

[itonje]

How did you get into Arthurian legend? I don't know where to start!

hi omg sorry for getting to this late but uh i alwaysss recommend my mutual @/gringolet's post on an intro to arthuriana which covers most of it but hmmm if you're asking me how i went about it i started semi chronologically with uh some early arthurian adjacent docs irt to subroman britain (i dont recommend this. dont do this have fun) and made my way up to historia regum britanniae (i do recommend this one but you can just read the arthurian parts if you dont want to read anything else lol..) also i recommend reading other pseudohistories! layamon's brut and historia gentis scotorum are my favs but wace's roman de brut is good as well..then when you get to romances most famously there are the romances of chretien de troyes. my favorite is lancelot, knight of the cart but it is...a lot. yvain, knight of the lion is also very good i recommend that as well. perceval, or the story of the grail is unfinished so fair warning but there are lots of other grail narratives if thats your thing (my personal favorites are parzival, peredur fab effrawg, and the didot perceval. i really like perceval stories lol) also theres the epigonal romances and like thats an entire thing in itself but my favorite of all of them has to be meraugis de portlesguez it is so entertaining it is more entertaining than a lot of modern stuff ive read honestly.

if you're looking for prose romances, there is...the lancelot grail cycle, or the vulgate, which is really long and has a lot of content it is where most of the most popular arthurian traditions originate. then there's the post vulgate which is a sort of a condensed version of it? ive not read either i dont know how much they differ lol. i know that it features more tristan and iseult stuff which is like, if you like or want to read tristan and iseult stuff this post is really good also by my mutual @/tillman i personally am not really invested in the tristan and iseult stuff but like. that is a personal thing lol. also irt to prose stuff the three romances of the mabinogi + culhwch ac olwen + breuddwyd rhonabwy are the arthurian stories in the book but i just recommend it in general it is so good. it is so good please god read the mabinogion im a big fan of welsh arthuriana in general so if you want to have more recs for that specifically lol...

also yes i will talk about the english stuff now cause thats what people like well layamons brut is in like..extremely archaic english but there's also the prose merlin (highly recommend but it is hard to find a translation online that's in like. contemporary english), there's also lancelot of the laik which is great, the alliterative morte arthure which is probably one of my favs it is excellent but then again i like the iliad so maybe i'm a biased slut for war epics (also yeah its a war epic lol). um also theres sir gawain and the green knight which i know is like the most famous of all of them and theres a movie coming out and whatnot and like its fine. its a good starter because it tells a very contained story on its own it doesnt expect you to understand everything ab arthurs court its very entertaining but imo i would read other romances featuring gawaine before this one (which is basically like. all the verse romances lol hes a popular character. my little meow meow). speaking of gawaine the dutch romances (which feature him. heavily) are good. theyre very good and i recommend them highly they also tell contained, highly entertaining stories um id start with moriaen (which is what i started with) and then skip around from there they're all great tho.

um now everyone's wanting me to say it which is uh. lets talk about le morte darthur! i dont recommend it as a starter text even tho i read it like really early on myself so do what you want however id say get one of those like, condensed versions like howard pyles king arthur, andrew langs book of romance, beatrice clay rodger lancelyn green and henry firth bc they all tell condensions of it and id keep it on you while youre reading the original thing just in case like things dont make sense or whatever lol plotwise. le morte is a very late text, and it is very strange for an arthurian text so like idk why people say to read it first because. if i had to say read any arthurian medieval text last. it would honestly be this one because there is such a beautiful finality to it.

i do recommend it though but fair warning that things presented in le morte are like. not the same across all texts? thats something you should keep in mind in general like a lot of these texts are from diff cultures diff languages with their own shifted traditions of arthurian stuff so just in case theres contradictions or whatever between them even in the texts itself (i am looking at you geoffrey of monmouth and anna's family tree) like, dont sweat it or whatever theyre just weird like that. its like comics or whatnot.

anyways this is all to say you have a lot of places to start and pick around from id recommend shorter stuff first and stuff whose translations are usually pretty accessible and contemporary (this is why i highly recommend de troyes' romances in the beginning) just to get used to it cause the 'plot' structure of these things esp in the verse romances is like a bit different than modern lit so i know that can be offputting for some people. like i said like modern condensions of arthurian stuff are invaluable, so are um indexes? there's a couple i don't know if there are any pdfs floating online but i know they usually carry them at libraries and whatnot...

there's a lot of modern modern stuff i dont know about any of it. i couldnt even tell you about bbc merlin i am quite stupid in regard to it. i do know a fair bit about victorian stuff which is modern tho! i should make a post on that but like tldr victorian arthurian poetry good. most of it. victorian arthurian content tho is really in a whole different world as compared to medieval lit so like. well leave all the generally post medieval stuff off for a min asjkldfskld

so like. yeah have fun i know i didnt leave any links on this post (mostly) but if you want any text i mention here please please ask me i WILL send you a pdf guaranteed except for the vulgate and the post vulgate i have not read those and afaik they are hard to come by. i dont know of any pdfs of arthurian indexes if you want one but i could try to find one..?

anyways yeah if this is confusing im sorry 😭😭😭ive answered a question like this a couple times as well jic ehehe https://itonje.tumblr.com/post/641224624484581376/could-i-ask-how-you-got-started-in-arthurian

https://itonje.tumblr.com/post/651581606366265344/hey-finny-im-so-sorry-to-bother-you-but-a-week

#finny.txt #asks #arthuriana #yeah sure

[thisdreamplace]

hi! i was the anon who asked about career, thanks for your thoughtful response. i dont know exactly what it means or how to change my self-concept. from my perspective, i was always overconfident, always thought i was amazing and super capable and smart and this reflected in my life. my peers admire my intelligence and would say “omg im so jealous youre so accomplished” and i would ace my exams in school without studying, i would get internships easily, i would get praised for my outstanding work ethic, etc. which i feel like means my 3d aligned w my inner self-concept? to be completely honest, i always thought and still think i am someone who accomplishes a lot and is admired, and not trying to be narcissistic but more that i work hard and it pays off. so thats why i was so shocked when things didnt go well? it didnt match up with everything i was used to, which is success. the pandemic and social media, bad news, etc. never affected me. i always thought id get any job i wanted. my sp and friends also would reflect my thoughts, saying that they know im going to get such an amazing job.. so i guess i wonder what “went wrong”? it really discouraged me and now i feel really worried and hesitant about applying for better jobs in the next year or so :( i tried journaling and meditating to really think about and be honest w myself but idk.. dont feel like i was ever lying to myself or that i deserve anything but the best and yet here i am

Hi!

It's really frustrating to feel like you've done it all and nothing is working. And I know it can feel even more frustrating to hear you aren’t doing anything wrong, when it feels like you clearly must be. The law is definitely a journey and it may not click all overnight. But the important thing is that you keep persisting, no matter what.

In my reality, I know for a fact self concept is at the foundation for everything. So I'm sorry, but this is the best perspective I can give you because it is the one that best aligns with my own experience. It’s an approach that really puts all the responsibility into your hands and it can feel like a lot at times. So I am sorry if this approach doesn’t really resonate with you, but it’s the most accurate and consistent way to get results from my experience.

That being said, it doesn't make sense for your 3D to align to your self concept then one day it decides it doesn't want to anymore and starts showing you things outside of your state. It cannot be so. The 3D doesn’t have a mind of it’s own. The thing about it is that you're not an exception to the law. As in, you're not hitting every nail on the head and it's still not working for you. No one is an exception to the law.

However, I also cannot say I know what is going on in your inner world. And from what you are telling me everything is perfect in your inner world. Thing is, this conflicts with the exact way the law works. The external reality is only a mirror. It will only ever be a mirror of you. So, if everything was great on the inside then the 3D would have no choice but to be great on the outside. Something is not adding up. But only you would be able to figure out what that is. And really, it’s not even something you need to search for. Just being and allowing yourself to go through life is often a good thing to do in moments where you’ve felt like you’ve exhausted all options.

But, from everything you're saying the best I can come up with is three things:

You focus on the 3D heavily. Everything you wrote about is validation from the outer world. You believed these things because something showed up to make you think so, but when things don't go your way it’s possible that you shut down. From your other ask, you said your friends would tell you "it's fine, first jobs outside of college are just like that." Thing about it is, everyone is you pushed out. People aren't giving you advice they came up with on their own. In this way, you can take that very verbal hint from your 3D. There's a part of you, a rather strong and persistent part of you, that believes that. Otherwise your friends couldn't have shown up to say it. On top of that, the fact you have had such a difficult time getting the job you wanted is proof on it’s own. The 3D does not have a mind of it's own. It simply does not. And the quicker you can take responsibility for what the 3D is showing you, then turn yourself towards your inner world to make the needed changes, then you will be able to experience what it was you sought to experience in the first place.

You come from a place of ego rather than a true place of knowing who you are. Everything you said about yourself is great. It's not narcissistic at all. It's amazing to see yourself in such high regard. But in some ways, it only scratches the surface. If everything was your true feeling deep within, this wouldn't be an issue right now. Your ego doesn’t manifest for you, your true self manifests for you. And you cannot be rejected unless you reject yourself. Think about it. If you are God of your reality and you know it to be the most stable fact in your life, how thrown off would you ever really be? How often would you feel powerless? You would have your human moments, sure. But you would be more confident and able to see passed the things in front of you. Like I said before, the law has a very simple way of working. As within, so without. No one is the exception. It works the same for all of us. Life doesn't happen to us, it happens through us. And it seems like a part of you feels you don't actually have control. Perhaps you could deepen that amazing feeling you feel to within you, to who you truly are. Rather than it only being tied to your identity as a human/ego, but also as your truth as the creator of your reality. Our human self can do very little. It is within us where we have the ability to move mountains. Hopefully that makes sense.

Finally, you keep feeling the need to try. And manifesting isn't a trying process. In everything you mentioned where you felt the 3D validated you, it seems like it just happened to be so. Everyone and everything seemed to align with you naturally, because that's how you saw yourself. But when it came to the career, you felt like it was time for you manifest something outside of you. Like you're getting something outside of you that you need to manifest in. When in truth, the job of your dreams is fulfilled within you first and then you experience is without. If you were fulfilled within, you may not love your current job but you wouldn't spiral because of it either. Because you don't need your job to be a certain way to make you feel good, you already know and feel good within. This is subtle, but it's important to notice. Because through that inner fulfillment, even if you would have taken this job it wouldn’t have lasted long before something better came along. But there’s a piece of you that isn’t allowing that into view. Either you’re giving up too soon (which it doesn’t seem like it, from your asks) or you’re simply not allowing the opportunity into your experience.

I truly hope this helpful. Once again, my biggest understanding of the law lies in self concept and I full heartedly believe it is at the heart of manifesting. So in that way, I am not able to answer you any better than from my own experience. But hopefully somehow you are able to take something from this and it will help you along on your journey. 💖

#career

[ace-thinks]

hi 💕 ive never sent one of these, it might b weird srry. so ive ID'd as aro ace for a while and then earlier this year a dated a girl for a while and then i ID'd as an ace lesbian but we've been broken up for a while now and it's just left me confused. i know that im aesthetically attracted to women, but not in a romantic or sexual way. i just feel like a fake lesbian since I dont want any relationships or anything im just lost idk i was wondering if u or anyone knew something idk

Hi! This isn’t weird at all - I’m really glad you reached out! 

First and foremost, I just want to stress the idea that you can identify however you want. It’s your identity. So if you feel most comfortable identifying as an ace lesbian then you can absolutely do that. You’re not “fake” at all. You’re just being you.

Second, you can still be an ace lesbian (or straight or bi or anything) even if you don’t want a relationship or sex. There are plenty of people in the world who are don’t ever want to be in relationships but still ID as straight, bi, etc. 

Okay, now lets talk about two concepts within the aroace community that are at least somewhat related to what you’re talking about.

_______

Oriented Aroace

“[Oriented aroaces] experience attraction that’s neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation.” -- coined by biaroace

That attraction can be sensual, aesthetic, alterous, or anything else. Usually oriented aroaces seek non-sexual and non-romantic relationships with their preferred sex/gender, but not always.

If you feel like the aesthetic attraction that you feel towards women is significant enough to warrant a label outside of your aroace identity, then consider looking into this.

Some oriented aroace blogs that I follow are biaroace, xweetara, aroacelesbian, the-gays-took-my-coffee, ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity, ornery-oriented-for-positivity.

Electio Aroace

“Electio aroace: a person who feels no attraction whatsoever but has sexual/romantic relationships anyway.” -- coined by electioaroace

This one might not work for you as well since it’s for aroaces who explicitly seek sexual/romantic relationships, but I thought I’d include it here anyway just to show how diverse the aroace community is.

There’s also angled aroace which you can read more about here.

_______

There are plenty of people who identify as aroace and still claim a third identity for whatever reason. 

For some people, it’s a way to let others know that even though they’re aroace, they’re still interested in having some sort of committed relationship with a specific gender/sex.

For others, it’s meant to help themselves understand the way their attraction works in relation to their aroaceness.

For you, I would recommend thinking about what your reason is. When you call yourself an ace lesbian, what are you trying to express/do?

Despite not wanting a relationship, do you still want people to know that you feel a special connection/attraction to women that you don’t feel towards anyone else?

Is it a way for you to reflect the fact that you’ve been in a relationship with a girl in the past?

Is it for a hypothetical relationship in the future? A way for you to leave the door cracked in case the “right girl” comes along?

After thinking about your reason, you might realize that there’s a better way to express what you’re trying to express. You might find that there actually really isn’t a reason to include “lesbian” in your identity. 

Or you might find that ace lesbian is actually the perfect way to express how you feel.

________

Think about those things and maybe explore the different identities and communities I listed (you might find a bunch of people who feel just like you do).

This was a lot, but I hope some of it helps. Good luck!

#ace #asexual #aroace #asexuality #aromantic #aromanticism #aroace lesbian #ace lesbian #oriented aroace #electio aroace #lesbian electio aroace #oriented aroace lesbian #ace asks

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (5/8/2021)

Hi lovelies! I just filled up the queue through May but I have a LOT of requests left. So I’m posting the remaining requests below! If you see your request here that means it’ll be posted in June at the earliest. If you don’t see your request it means it’s probably going to be posted in May (although I did delete two messages that weren’t “requests” as much as “demands”, messages that said, “Do this,” or, “Make that,” which I don’t respond to). There are some requests I addressed in a post on April 27th though that won’t be posted until June also so be sure to check that out. Thanks for the support lovelies! Hope you like what’s to cum. ;)

Anonymous said:

Could u do emma stone from amazing spider man i like her look from the 2nd one but its fine whichever u use

Yep! Second one it is. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi was wondering if you could do a caption of a superhero that is captured by their villain and turned into an evil hench woman thought about anne hathaway as cat woman if you could thanks love your captions btw

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption where a white guy gets turned into Kerry Washington. And becomes addicted to sleeping with black men? I was thinking of using the scene from little man where shes in bed after a night of "doing it". Can that be done or is that too graphic of a description?

I don’t think it’s too graphic? I’ve never seen Little Man (idk what it is tbh) but I googled “Kerry Washington Little Man” & found a pic I think works so I can do this.

Anonymous said:

I don't remember if I requested this already or not but could you do one of Haley atwell from captain america I was thinking like a super soldier test turns a guy into her but he then finds out that was the plan that the government wanted to make super sissies instead

You did not request it and I can do it!

Anonymous said:

Hi could you do a caption using Betsy brandt? Shes the aunt from breaking bad incase you didnt know I just think shes beautiful and hope you could do a caption for her idk what about maybe something about milfs thatd be good ig whatever you decide anyways thanks

I DO know who that is! And there have been quite a few MILF requests (as you’ll see) so all you MILF lovers will be happy going forward. :)

Anonymous said:

Hello first off big fan 2nd off im sorry if this is too much but I have abit of a list for ya if u can do these thats great if not its ok just sorry i know its alot.  Emma thompson(saving mr banks)  Sean young, (ace venture)  Rhea Pearlman, ( matilda)  Christina agulara( burlesque)   sigourney weaver, (alien or ghostbusters)   emma stone (cruela)  thank u there will be a part 2

Heres part 2 its just ones I dont really have any specific thing in mind.    Tia and Tamara. Idna menzel.   Adele.    Bonnie Tyler.    Ruby rose.    Sarah chalke.   Kristen schaal.  Melissa McCarthy.  Megan trainer.    Elizabeth gillies.   Like i said if u can great if not thats alright atleast u'll have some stocked up for a rainy day thanks again and sorry again

Hello im the one who gave the list of requests sorry once again I just wanted to further explain one of them the christina Aguilera from burlesque one to be specific I would like the one where she is wearing the bowler hat with the  loose frizz curls thats the only one I can think of to elaborate on the rest are up to u thanks again sorry again

Ok so this is A LOT of requests and in the future I would like to ask people to limit their requests to three celebs at a time, but I’ve never said that before so it wouldn’t be fair to the person who requested all these. So yes I can do these requests. The only one I won’t do is Sean Young from Ace Ventura because her character in Ace Ventura is really really transphobic (or, more specifically, how that character is written). And I can do that specific Christina Aguilera one. Also since this IS so many requests I’ll probably be sprinkling them in through instead of doing them all at once, & I already wrote an Elizabeth Gillies one coming out towards the end of May.

Anonymous said:

If possible could you do Elizabeth perkins as Wilma Flintstone I had the idea of it litterally being set in cave man times and depicting the forat instance of feminization, the first sissy, being of a weaker evolution and stuff causing the tribe to pick him as the tribes cave sissy

Oooo, sounds fun. Totally!

Anonymous said:

Could you do Marissa tomei? Was thinking hero type story by night hes a crime fighing vigilante by day She is a stay at home sissy wife waiting for hubby to get home to pleasure him

I can do this!

Anonymous said:

Could you try making one where a boy who’s always been short his entire life gets feminized by his friend? I was thinking someone like Skai Jackson would be great for this

Sure thing! I found one of Skai where she’s of age so I’ll use that. :) (I won’t use a GIF of here her though since most of them are from Jessie when she’s under 18)

Anonymous said:

I was wondering if you could do one about a college professor named Peter whose autocloset gets hacked by his students.  They transform and feminize him into a sexy latina milf so they have someone sexy to look at during class.  Actress of your choice, someone over 30 please.

Oooo, I’ve got the perfect celeb for this. ;)

Anonymous said:

Hi I actually have 3 u may have done them before but if u can thatd be great. 1 Natalie Portman (V for vendetta ) the little girl outfit with the pigtails I was thinking like a lost bet. 2 P!nk (beautiful trauma) the house wife look is so good.  3 Elizabeth olsen (wandavision) when shes in the bed wearing her costume like a morning after thing.  Thats all like I said if u can thank u love ur captions

Ah gotcha. I can do these!

Anonymous said:

Hi id like to start off by saying i love your captions. Was wondering if you could do one of Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Ramona flowers when she had Green hair as far as the story I dont really have anything other than green being the guys fav color idk hopefully you can do something with that anyways thank you for your time have a good one

I can work with this. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey I have a specific scene in mind its of kaley cuoco when she was on the big bang theory I dont remember the episode but its where shes sitting on the couch when her BF walks in and shes dressed in this purple lingerie and shes got her hair up its beautiful I was thinking if u could do a caption on that? Maybe like a roommates thing sorry I dont have enough info on the scene

I’VE HAD THIS IMAGE FOR SO LONG BUT COULDN’T THINK OF A STORY SO YES I CAN DO THIS! :D

Anonymous said:

Could u ro Lindsay sloane from bring it on I had to look up the name I just remember her as "Big red" what they called her in the movie

Yep! I love Bring it On. :)

Anonymous said:

Omg i love the Alex kingston caption u did recently whenever u get a chance could u do more River song captions also the billie piper one again whenever u get the chance

You got it. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok if you could i have an idea for a caption of a guy who wants to be internet famous but cant cut it as a guy so he pretends to be a lady on an onlyfans but doesnt show off anything too much then he gets surprised by his Male roommate who found out and his roommate blackmails him into making more "Private" videos to get cash I was thinking using meg turney if u could thanks

Sounds fun. Sure thing! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello I know you mightve done this one already but the one of Katy Perry from "Hey hey hey" music vid could u do another one from that still her with the blonde hair but when shes just waking up instead thank you

You bet!

Anonymous said:

I know you got alot of requests lately but if you dont mind one more could you do Drew Barrymore from Batman forever?

I had to double check how old she was in that but yes! I can do this. :)

Anonymous said:

I know I probably wont see this for awhile but if u could can u do a caption of debby ryan from jessie where she is dressed like a little kid and has her hair in pigtails? I was thinking like a babysitting gig gone wrong for the story like dress up goes too far or something anyawys thank u

Do you know what episode that’s from? I found the image and I think it looks great but I just want to make 100% sure that Jessie was an adult when she made it. If you know the episode feel free to message me & I can go ahead with it. :)

Anonymous said:

I have 3 if u could do them 1. Zazie beets  2. Zendaya  3. Tessa Thompson. Thats all thanks

I actually have Zazie Beets and Zendaya caps coming up before May ends, but you’ll get the Tessa Thompson one in June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi could you do another caption tor jenna fischer from the office please?

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Could you do a cap where a teacher named Peter gets feminized into a latina housewife and use Marisol Nichols from Riverdale?  Can't ignore the MILFs.

Damn right you can’t! I’ll be sure to do this. :)

Anonymous said:

Addison Rae or Ariana Grande please

I’ll do both! :)

@tammyboy25 said:

Hi there! I was wondering if you could please do one where a sister or best girlfriend guilt trips a boy into being their maid of honor for her wedding? Bachelorette party, Dress shopping, getting their hair done, dancing with other boys at the reception are some ideas I had. Thank you so much either way!!!

Ooooo I love this! You got it sweetie. :)

Anonymous said:

Wow, I really loved the "From the Amazons" caption you did with Wonder Woman! Could you do something similar with a guy named Rene put into the body of a sluttfied superheroine?  Maybe Scarlet Witch/Wanda? Thanks!

“From the Amazons” has been getting a lot of love so thanks everyone! I can totally do this with an Elizabeth Olsen pic. :)

Anonymous said:

I'm not sure if youve seen falcon and the winter soldier yet but Erin kellyman who plays kharli in that is a relatively new actress so I could understand if you dont know her but if you do could you make a caption for her? Thank you

I actually do know who she is! I saw her in “Falcon & Winter Soldier” and Solo so I can totally do a cap with her. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi, yesterday I said how much I loved that Wonder Woman caption you did with Gakl Gadot. And I've since discovered the manips made by Saturdays24. My name is Rene, and I'd loved to be turned into a girl in one of his pics, particularly Taylor Swift! Thanks!

Sure thing! @saturdays24 gave me permission to use their stuff a few years ago so I can do any caps with their manips. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you please do Priyanka Chopra captions

Sure!

Anonymous said:

Can you do Lala Anthony captions. I am a big fan of her

Totally! (For some reason I can’t find a good GIF of her though)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a cap with the new Billie Eilish Vogue Pics? That would be so so amazing.

Anonymous said:

billie eilish or addison rae?

Anonymous said:

Hi I remember someone else asking for a billie eilish caption since she was of age now but it was still too recent to have any pics of her at the right age well now shes 19 and I just saw she was on the cover of vogue afew days ago ....would that work?

Don’t worry, a Billie Eilish cap from British Vogue is on the way! She is an adult now & so I can make caps with her. :) (Also to the person who asked about Addison Rae, like I said earlier I’ll make one for her too. :D)

Anonymous said:

I really liked ur newest caption of Kelly lebrock as a boss being spotted enfemme I was wondering if u could do a follow up to that one? Maybe with her from woman in red. Id just like to see the coworker confront the boss

I like that idea! Totally. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption with Jhene Aiko or Jenna Ortega? They’re both similar to me in body build so it would be pretty amazing to see them in a caption.

Jhene Aiko yes. Jenna Ortega MAYBE. Jenna Ortega only JUST turned 18 and that was during the COVID-19 pandemic so there aren’t going to be a lot of projects where she’s an adult to pull from. So if I can find something maybe otherwise you might just have to wait a bit. Sorry if that’s a bummer. :/

Anonymous said:

Can you do Nikita Dragun captions please?

I’ve no idea who this is, sorry.

Anonymous said:

Idk if u know the band pentatonix or not but if u do could u do a caption for Kirstin Maldonado they just came out with a music video for 90s medley and she is gorgeous in it much appreciated :)

I’ve actually done some Kristin Maldonado caps already so I can totally do another. :)

#Requests #Not a Caption

[toindeedbe-agod]

random hcs for the deeply complex modern au i still thinj abt sometimes

neil:

hes in keatings class n hes a peer tutor for one of his lower grade classes AND in mr keatings secret club (dead poets society)

dads still forcing him into a career path n he gets so stressed trying to stay on top of all of his classes n he started emailing mr keating late at night, first it was like Teacher Approved venting but now he sends him memes at 3 am. mr keating always responds.

he n charlie got "married" in kindergarten

endlessly watches howls moving castle. he pretends that he only watches broadway bootlegs or artsy gay films but he literally watches howls moving castle in class all the time

hes on good terms with all his teachers so sometimes hes allowed to just... leave and take a nap in keatings class. keating repurposed the classroom closet to be full of soft things n a quiet space for kids because hes a good goddamn teacher

unironically still listens to be more chill

has a secret tumblr account bc his dad only lets him have a heavily monitored instagram

adores rent but pitts is rhe only one who will watch it Willingly with him anymore bc when he made them all watch it they were all so devastated. charlie didnt talk to him for 3 days

todd:

just moved here, hes neil's neighbor. charlie also lives in the neighbohood, and knox spends more time around there than his own home

his brothers the all star american boy meanwhile todd won the spelling bee in 3rd grade and gets star stickers on his creative writing assignments

has had like 3 interventions from teachers and he has to be like im really not super depressed i promise im just quiet

draws on himself a lot. hes not a spectacular artist but like... neil loves it

unfairly good at soccer but was too anxious to try out for the high school team

rlly rlly likes samurai jack. he keeps it a secret but hes absolutely obsessed

has a tik tok n most of his videos are of the dead poets its very sweet. he manages to get on the weirdest sides of tik tok tho, involving prison tik tok, serial killer tik tok, cartel tik tok, glitchcore tik tok, and one memorable time, bdsm tik tok

half his playlists r full of hozier.

shares his spotify premium with neil

that cool guy at school whos parents dont care about him so he can do whatever but unfortunate hes lame so he does nothing about it

charlie:

tik tok famous

keating lets him grade papers, and doesnt say anything when charlie fixes his friends mistakes, and once let him get away with erasing cameron's name from his paper so he had to redo the assignment

adopts freshmen

advertises parties on his snapchat

throws parties but not at his own house

horror movie fanatic.

obsessed with the sonic movie

his phone is full of selfies and really cursed memes

all his contacts have emojis

calls mr keating mom with confidence

has a massive crush on jim carrey meeks thinks its the funniest shit in the world

on a first name basis with the principals

meeks:

ppl paypal him to do their work for them

goes randonauting with pitts n sometimes charlie

little witch boy, but on the downlow

rlly into bugs

has every single streaming service but also watches more stuff online than charlie does

teaches all the boys abt queer media and teaches underclassmen or anyone who needs to know abt actual sex education despite being ace

office aide so hes rlly tight with the principals

watches a lot of bad tv from the 80s

has a terrible taste in music

eats sticks and rocks and mud

has 2 pet rats. secret rats. their names are rice and piss

says he shoplifts to look cool but has never stolen anything more than 2 dollars

has a rlly overbearing mom like he loves her but jesus christ please get a life other than watching over ur child all the time hes trying to be cool

hosts all the dead poets on holidays when he can. halloween is a blast

cant drive. none of them are very good at it but he doesnt even have a license

pitts:

so mad that thats his name

owns 4 different radios

actually in robotics. all the poets try to come to his matches, despite meeks being the only one who even vaguely understands it

2nd best driver. picks up neil if he ever gets stranded somewhere by his parents. it happens a lot.

owns a car

has been hunting a lot?? he doesnt even like it

bakes for the poets

takes cooking lessons sometimes, he likes to be self sufficient

likes to get into what all his friends r into so he can talk about it with them :) pitts is such a good guy id die for him

always packs snacks n stuff to feed to the boys throughout the day bc neil is physically incapable of eating at lunch time and the rest of them forget a lot

has a respectable amount of twitter and tik tok followers. is unaware of the significance of this. he just likes giving ppl helpful advice

gives good life tips and has high grades but hes stupid. set his hair on fire on a dare but it was mostly an accident. crashed a car into a brick wall. consistently has a burn on his hand

knox:

twitter bio definitely has "sad boy" in it

no thoughts, head empty

disaster in heelys and a cute top

LOVES tik tok

hydroflask full of pepsi

wears skirts bc fuck toxic masculinity

either shows up to school in a fit meant for the met gala or a hoodie and pants that are half on. there is no inbetween.

has tutoring after school like hes not behind in class or struggle too badly but he doesnt grasp what teachers fucking say half the time so they cover what he may have missed. good teachers. ideal world with teachers who care. jk only keating and his math teacher do it meeks helps with science

watched a livestream of a tv screen with the little blue ray video thing bouncing around for 6 hours and missed it when it hit the corner and cried about it for a day and a half

broke his wrist sophmore year in a heely related incident

has a snap score of like 30,000 idk i dont use snapchat i just know ppl who dont shut the fuck abt their snap score being like 30,000

goes thrifting a lot! barely owns fitting clothes

he n chris are bffs she taught him how to skateboard. is skateboard a verb? taught him how to skate using a skateboard

oh yeah. skater girl chris.

has a lot of anxiety about the state of the world anyways hes a vegetarian and tries to be zero waste to manage it. like he knows its corporations but it makes him feel good

plays lacrosse!

#n tjats all i got #long post #post: headcanons #c: neil perry #c: charlie dalton #c: knox overstreet #c: todd anderson #c: stephen meeks #c: mr keating #c: gerard pitts #vin.txt #no im not putting this in any main tags theres so much #post: deeply complex modern au

[yuissamidare]

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

[pastelacrylics]

im gonna throw up bc i feel sick but this one’s for you babe 😘

Assault TW under the cut

Alright so the date started out pretty fucking fantastic and we were just being dumb kids and playing basketball, harmless and fun, right? right. anyways it was pretty good shit. we went downstairs and like an idiot i try to show him my favorite video game. it doesnt go well and he gives up but whatever. then my sister (i love her shes great and joined us up until this point) suggested playing minecraft. now, i hate minecraft. it is all the wrong shapes and triggers my ocd. i have lots of trouble with this and its dumb, i know. seeing that i was upset, he was pretty nice and said “maybe later” but like then suggested watching greys anatomy

now greys anatomy is the shit. i love it. its my absolute favorite show but it freaks my little sister out so she left. nows a good time to mention that prior o the date i said i wanna take shit really slow. like super fucking slow. that im autistic and it takes me a while to get comfortable with physical contact and i dont want that. that im ace and not interested in sex wit him. that he should avoid sexual situations bc idk what ill do. that i dont even romantically like him, just have lots of excited positive feelings about him.

i was alone with this boy. in the basement. note: i always go to the basement, and my brothers always make me uncomfortable when theyre down there. im not loud. there is essentially nothing i can do at this point. we watch a vague amount of greys, and i curl up into a tiny fucking ball. this is my normal. everyone on the fucking planet knows this is my normal. he ask if i want to cuddle, and i dont really say yes or no, but i was definitely telling him i was uncomfortable and wanted to take things slow. he cuddles me anyways, but he triggers a pressure stim so i assume it will be fine. eventually we stop watching greys and i recount all the noncon/ abuse so he gets why ive gotta take it slow

im not entirely sure how it got to this but before our vaguely sexual act he kept staring at me weird and i kept telling him to stop. he kept asking or trying to kiss me and i kept saying no. i dont know how many times i said no that night. after that he started touching my skin, but like in a nice stimmy way. i was okay with it. it reminded me of one of my friends comforting me, it was familiar. he started going towards my chest- note: im dysphoric as all hell and do NOT like my chest being messed with if i dont trust you. (Also some time during my telling him about my past he started trying to pull me into his lap. i only now realized its so id be sitting on...... anyways) i did not say no. i wanted to try. i wanted to be okay. eventually he pulled at my shirt and bra. eventually i was exposed. i said nothing. this was not something i wanted or was comfortable with, but this was MY doing. i started crying. i told him to stop. i told him no more for the night. i told him no more contact, yeah i was kinda turned on but i was overwhelmed, i was done, and i wanted to STOP. I told him it was done. We could continue to hang out, watch tv, he could go home when he assumed, but he would stop touching me. he told me “sometimes you need to push your boundaries” I tried to convince him to fix his problem so he would fucking leave me alone. he refused. we ate dinner. i grabbed another jacket and went to the bathroom or whatever. i went back down, curled up again. he tried shit again. i told him to stop. he asked if we could “cuddle” i said okay. he started involuntarily bucking. i told him this. i told him it was funny but to stop. he said okay. he didnt stop. he kept going. eventually i gave up. my brother came down and i had 15 minutes of peace. we started watching anime. he was staring at me creepy. he forced me into his lap. i told him to stop. i told him no. (i went nonverbal while he was bucking and this was him assuming i was “okay” again i guess idk it was gross) i was pushed onto my back. he pulled my shirt all the way up. he did what he fucking wanted. i gave up. he sucked on my nipples, he left a bruise on one. he moved onto my neck. he left another one there (i dont bruise easily, and i got it to fade quickly because i hated looking at the proof, and my body doesnt generally take to bruising) i was on my back. he moved my hand so i would be getting him off. he started to take his fucking belt off. i told him to stop. i told him it was time to go. I was not being penetrated without my permission ever again. he didnt want to leave. he asked me “that did nothing for you?” no. no it didnt do anything for me. i told you no. i told you i didnt want it. you make me sick. i just told him “no” and laughed it off

i told him to get an uber. i tried to kick him out. it was another 5-15 minutes of silence and avoiding touching him as he waited for his ride to come. i walked him to the door, and locked it. my mom immediately knew something was wrong. she asked me what happened. instead i wanted to throw up, and i went to bed. i told my best friend, and ex. my ex was really fucking good to me about all of this. he left his fucking hat and i want to burn it. i hate all men. i hate teenage boys. i hate misoginy. i hate that i didnt believe the last girl who was assaulted, who told me, because he lied to me. i hate that i can be clearly scared, and youd rather believe him. i hate that youre angry at me for this. i told the girl i didnt believe i was sorry, i confirmed something with the girl i fought with last year, i told my best friend and my ex. i told twitter “something happened” on private so a friend at lunch could see. i told an older friend so i could ask for help. i told my other best friend. (7 people online) but in person?   i quietly told 1 friend at the beginning of the day, 1 teacher who i thought could help me avoid him, 1 friend in my group that i couldnt participate (she was his ex, shed understand) and you. thats when i fucing told you. next i told a girl who i knew was vulnerable to that bullshit, then a teacher so i wouldnt have to. see him in the next class. then i threw up and went home. didnt even tell our last friend at lunch. he doesnt know what happened. he might assume based on the other two girls but i didnt say shit. (6 people in person) ...the teacher i asked to help me avoid him told my councelor and my principal and my mom was called. I said i was going to talk to my therapist first but that didnt fucking matter, did it? no one fucking gives a shit about me and im just making this up right? I had to recount details to my mom. she said it didnt count as assault because i. wasnt penetrated (legally it does) she said it wasnt bad enough. that i asked for it. that i should have been more fucking clear. that i. was sending mixed messages. that she went through so much worse. that it wasnt worth ruining his life over. that it wasnt worth sending him to jail over, that it wasnt worth having him marked a predator over (3 girls minimum have been attacked)  because im just fucking lying about this, right? and you dont believe me? well i cant fucking believe you. go eat lunch with someone else, and in the mornings im gonna hang out in the only classroom in the school that will protect me from him even though shitty people will be there too.  and babe? he told me hes glad im not mad. that ill see him again “soon ;)” he sucked on my lip and made me feel violated. but misoginy is so ingrained in us that you dont fucking support survivors, and you never support me. I love you but im so fucking done.

#in the life of me #shut up Alex no one cares #txt

[winterywitch]

anyway heres a summary of my discourse beliefves:

cishet aces/aros do not belong in gay spaces, bi spaces, lesbian spaces or trans spaces

for me my whole life the LGBT community has been more than that. my perspective is not that of some sad brainwashed child, forced into being more ~tolerant~ than i should be. i genuinely believe and have always believed the LGBT community is more than that, and im not just gonna drop that anytime soon, because i dont think the right to only consider the LGBT community as for “SGA and trans” people is liberation.

therefore cishet aces/aros belong in ace/aro spaces, which for me, count as LGBT.

but not gay, bi, lesbian or trans spaces.

there will be overlap because they are LGBT. but no, cishet aces/aros should have no claim to anything specifically for the L, G, B or T of the community.

for me the community is

Lesbians

Gay men

Bisexuals [SGA or not - as an SGA bi person, i get to speak on this.

Pansexuals

Trans people

Nonbinary people [counting agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. non-cis, non-binary identities]

Intersex people (of course should they want to - the point of this list isn't YOU HAVE TO BE LGBT it's You Can Be Included)

Queer people [anyone who isn't cis or isn't het, including aroace people. non sga bi people im a little iffy on re: them 'reclaiming' queer]

Allies [i think this is important for people in the closet, as long as we dont let cishets get too big for their britches]

Aroaces

and hell, here’s a + to include anything i might have forgotten

aroaces are not functionally cishet.

straight privilege is straight privilege. it isnt not-homophobia privilege. to experience straight privilege you must be straight.

they definitely benefit from not experiencing homophobia. they can be absolute dumbasses abt homophobia for that exact reason.

but they dont experience straight privilege, because they’re not straight. that is all straight privilege has ever meant for me in my LGBT community.

cishet aces are cishet, and also aces. this means they benefit from cis privilege and straight privilege, but aphobia weighs down that straight privilege because they dont perform straightness in the Right way. i dont believe this necessarily makes them systemically oppressed the same way we are. but i dont believe aro or ace identities are privileged either.

there is no coherent Ace Community boogieman that is unanimously a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, racist jackasses, and if you believe that, you are a complete dumbass

yeah, the ace community is comprised of white cishets but, im gonna wager even more commonly, its comprised of literally every LGBT identity and race you can imagine. the ace community is not the white cishet community. it’s the community of everyone who IDs as ace or aro. this is not white cishets as a rule, as a majority, or even half the time.

that being said, inclusionists can say some stupid, shortsighted shit sometimes that is completely ignorant of LGBT history/oppression. i dont agree with the implications that i dont stand for every single thing they say and will not be held accountable for every single thing they say.

similarly, unless you wanna be held accountable for every single thing your side says/does before being allowed to call us out, uh, dont expect the same of us. the onus for this is on exclusionists, i have been around long enough to know you guys started this one. it is up to you guys to start being decent on that one, and then we’ll follow suit. those of us who dont are jackasses.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their abuse or rape took place. that is called gaslighting, and no, you don’t get to throw a fit when someone calls this what it is. when you call a rape/abuse survivor an annoying disgusting freak for daring to talk about why their rape/abuse happened (since they factually know why it happened and you dont) and then proceed to insist that your headcanon of their trauma is the correct interpretation and theirs is not because theyre a filthy cishet ace (which they rarely are), that is quite literally the definition of gaslighting. and hey, don’t do it.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their parents forced them into Therapy Specifically Designed To Convert Them Away From Asexuality (which may have a more efficient, shorter name). you dont know how that therapy worked or how the therapist worked because you werent there. you dont know that it was only because of homophobia so therefore this person has no right to claim their own trauma.

not everyone you hate is a cishet ace. don’t call people cishet aces unless you know for a fact they are cishet aces. i imagine you wouldnt want to call a trans lesbian a cishet, which exclusionists have done too many times for me to count. your platform should not be “you said something stupid and harmful, youre a cishet ace,” it should be “you said something stupid and harmful, end of statement.”

for some reason this is a controversial point in some discourse circles, but no one owes you sex. your partners don’t owe you sex. relationships do not equal sex. relationships do not even equal romantic love. relationships are a decision between multiple people on closer emotional intimacy.

if romantic and sexual aspects of a relationship are necessary for you, that’s understandable and okay! but you aren’t OWED that. people don’t need to out themselves as aro or ace for you. people dont need to feel pressured to give you anything they dont want to give. and you dont need to stay in relationships that dont make you happy.

allosexual privilege is not real. no one but white cishet men are 100% celebrated and privileged for experiencing sexual attraction. even white cishet women are oppressed for their attraction in many ways, and repressed from early childhood - so you can imagine how absolutely horrific sex-based oppression is for the LGBT community. we are not celebrated for sexual attraction, we are treated like we are dirty, and we are sexual predators.

WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, yeah, sometimes we are definitely, blatantly favored over aces, and people run around saying asexuality is unnatural, and sexual attraction is what makes us human. this is harmful and damaging, and it shouldn’t happen. i dont consider it systemic oppression and it definitely does not make allosexual privilege a thing.

calling people allosexuals is not something i condone. its not comparable to “cis” as a label, because cis people are an actual oppressor class towards trans people - non-ace LGBP folks are not towards ace people.

intracommunity bigotry is real and it is traumatic. people devalue it constantly and pretend it’s just a slap on the wrist, but it is an absolutely traumatic thing to have to face every day of your life. but it isnt the same as OPPRESSION, and we dont have to conflate the two concepts for intracommunity bigotry to be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

similarly, dont call people REGs unless they are not only aphobes but also truscum or TERFs. i also personally dont really believe in equating aphobes with truscum/TERFs but i dont believe in silencing trans people who openly talk about the similarities, either.

dont call people AERFs unless youre a trans woman holy shit

as someone who was directly affected by the truscum discourse when it happened [not debatable, by the way], this is pretty much recycled truscum discourse in my eyes. you dont need to lecture me on how its not.

just because someone on the “other side” called something you did ableist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., does not mean you get to shut your eyes and plug your ears. ESPECIALLY if you are part of a privileged class relevant to that accusation. for example as a white exclusionist you dont get to ignore the concerns of inclusionists of color or lecture them on the racism of the ace community. for example as a cis inclusionist [or honestly, even just a non-trans-woman inclusionist] you dont get to ignore the concerns of trans exclusionist women or lecture them on the similarities between TERFs and exclusionists.

“aspec” is not exclusively for the autistic community and i have NEVER seen claims that it was until ace discourse started. thats transparent as fuck to me and youre not fooling anyone. dont just make shit up lmfao

jokes about how Oh Lol Cringe aces inherently are, arent funny especially considering how many of these Jokes are steeped in anti-autistic ableism

idk when this happened but recently ableist jokes are the new Hot Topic of Comedy and thats like, mind-numbingly bad

i dont care what side youre on, IF YOU ARE USING THINGS LIKE FICTIONAL CP/PEDOPHILIC SHIPS/INCEST/RAPE CONTENT TO COPE WITH YOUR TRAUMA, YOU BETTER BE DOING THAT SHIT IN PRIVATE, ONLY SHARING IT WITH LIKE-MINDED, ADULT SURVIVORS, AND NEVER LETTING THAT CONTENT CIRCULATE OUTSIDE OF THAT GROUP. end of story. no ifs, ands or buts about it. speaking as a survivor who uses stuff like this to cope, being a survivor does not give you a free pass to, inadvertently or not, contribute to the pedophilia and circulation of grooming material on the internet. it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a survivor to not continue that cycle. if you avoid that responsibility, you have no right to play victim or pull the “im a survivor ;-;” card when people call you out on this.

educating kids on asexuality is not pedophilia, grooming or sexual abuse. jesus christ lmfao you dont have to assume people word it in a way thats inappropriate or predatory just because theyre pro-ace. kids NEED label/identity options, they are discovering who they are and without a label that fits for them, theyll likely feel like shit. let them have their labels. knowing about asexuality might greatly improve their life if it fits them!

for this reason, stop being weird about mogai labels/trying to “ban” them from everyone’s vocabulary/trying to turn them into some Cringe Joke that is only about Cishets Trying To Be Special. they didn’t fuck over EVERYONE.

inclusionists, in advising kids and questioning people who ask you for answers, be more open-ended. the insistence of “oh youre not a lesbian you’re a quioromantic demi-homosexual!” without also making it ok to just be a lesbian is what hurt and confused so many people on their journey to discovering their identity and its why they resent the whole mogai thing, fairly so. make it okay to just be a lesbian, or just be gay, or just be bi, or just be trans, while letting people know their other, more specific options.

asexuality is not an NSFW or TMI orientation

ace headcanons arent INHERENTLY homophobic, racist or ableist. they absolutely can be and ive seen that shit with my Own Two Eyes [pure innocent baby ace autistic papyrus headcanons back in the undertale fandom (shudders)], but they are not INHERENTLY so.

headcanons for characters with marginalized identity labels that arent identical to the ones you headcanon that character with are not oppression. and you dont get to police this shit as if its factually wrong

absolutely zero sexual interactions with minors ever, thanks!

trying to Bother The Pure Aceys by talking about sex is unacceptable

posting bullshit in ace positivity tags is unacceptable

stop calling people doing nothing but talking about their experiences “freaks”???

dont engage in the whole Oh There Are Valid Identities And There Are Special Snowflake Identities thing its not a very good look

biphobia is its own thing independent of homophobia

biphobia perpetuated within the community isnt necessarily systemic oppression but its traumatic and wrong and shouldnt be treated like some Lol Cringe Joke

you cant just say UM THAT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS???? when someone calls your side out on shit lgfkhghgfh especially when it literally does, all the damn time

ace [IRL person, whether or a celebrity or god forbid a flat out bigot] moodboards arent funny

you shouldnt agree to sex that you as an ace person dont want in a situation that you can control if the sex happens or not, but the pressure to provide sex to a non-ace partner is very real. stop blaming ace ppl for that pressure lol speaking as a victim of coercive sexual abuse, you cannot blame the one who didnt want it, even if they COULD have spoken up.

you’re not a bad person for wanting sex if your ace partner doesn’t. there is nothing immoral about not being ace. you just dont get to have sex anyway and you arent owed it if you are set on this committed, monogamous relationship - if sex is a big deal to you, you need to leave that relationship or work out an open situation.

laughing off peoples’ experiences as The Discourse is completely unacceptable, it encourages people to shut up and never analyze themselves and their identities

its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the ace character is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their non-ace partner

similarly its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the non-ace partner is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their ace partner

you dont get to tell people “ok you identify as heteroflexible but ACTUALLY you’re [insert identity]” literally ever, i understand the concern with people using “safe” identity labels to avoid facing their LGBT identities but acting on that concern in that way is not concern, its concern-trolling and its not fuckin okay.

legitimizing your own identity by delegitimizing the identities of others is bad

DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT, BLANKET-TERM PEOPLE AS QUEER, LITERALLY EVER. DONT DO IT

DONT FUCKIN DO IT!!!!! NOT EVERYONE HAS RECLAIMED THAT SLUR, AND IT IS 100% A SLUR ON TOP OF BEING A CULTURE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY

JESUSS CHRIST DONT FUCKIGN DO IT!!!! WHEN YOU REFERENCE THE QUEER COMMUNITY YOU BETTER ONLY MEAN PPL WHO CALL THEMSELVES QUEER AND HAVE RECLAIMED IT/ARE PART OF THAT SUBCULTURE

we need more nonsexual, non-alcoholic spaces for LGBT folk that are safe for minors, trauma survivors and ace people, but thats not our fault, the prevalence of sexual and alcoholic spaces exists because we were literally not allowed to exist anywhere else until very, VERY recently, and even now it’s a Barely thing

you cant tell someone their experiences didnt happen like my god

we think ace discourse is about more than cishets because exclusionists make it about asexuality as a whole. you guys cant make it about more than cishets and then be like But Ok It’s Just About Cishets You IRrational Crazies?? :/

yes self harm through exposing oneself to the discourse tag is possible, no it’s not funny, no it’s not just ~cishets~doing that, triggers are not exclusive to PTSD survivors, shut the actual fuck up

you dont have any room to comment on the validity of quasiplatonic relationships if you’re not in one, most of the time you guys complaining about them and saying theyre Special Snowflake Things dont actually know what they are. mind your own business lol let people live

if youre not intersex, you dont get to tell people that the intersex community doesnt wanna consider itself LGBT, so they are wrong for saying intersex people are allowed to consider themselves LGBT. youre not being a good ally. sit down, shut up and let intersex people talk amongst themselves.

[to be added to at some point im sure]

asexuals STOLE dragons from CHILDREN to make themselves seem PURE AND INNOCENT, the MONSTERS

#discourse tag

[ghiblicottage]

unpopular opinion: ace/aro is valid but they can be annoying when asking for representation bc the rest of lgbt has had to fight for everything we have now, only to have people who don't experience romantic/sexual attraction at all come in and demand representation.

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree 

ok so tbh idk exactly how to answer this? cause thats kind of a loaded opinion lol and i dont feel like just stopping at “neutral”  so lol i tried to explain how i felt about it with a more lenghty explanation under the cut but i dont know if im eloquent enough or educated enough on the subject so feel free to ignore

send me an unpopular opinion and I tell you if I

so huh first of all i fee like i should mention that i id as ace?? not that it matters idk but maybe im biased in some way

hmm id say that the reason id like to have some representation is because most people just …. dont realize that not feeling sexual attraction at all is possible? even though most people know it’s possible as in gay people dont feel attraction toward the “opposite” gender and straight people dont feel attraction toward the same gender so you know ? it shouldnt be a hard concept to understand that you can feel this way toward everyone and not just one gender?? if i make sense ??

but when i try to explain to people that i can’t say if i’m gay or bi/pan or straight or anything because i just?? feel the same toward everyone?? as in feel nothing? and people just… think its impossible, like the simple fact that i’ve never dated a guy, most people in my family/friends think im a closeted lesbian (which ?? i lowkey dont even know myself tbh??) but if i say im ace they wont know what it means or think i just havent found the right person yet or something 

and i feel like with representation like fictional characters openly expressing that, more general talk around the subject it would be more simple to let people know?

And to be honest before using tumblr i didnt even know myself that asexuality was a thing, so another reason why representation would be important is to let actual ace/aro people know that its a possible identity? so that they dont have to go through either horrible experiences with sex during their lives because they force themselves to enjoy it due to social norms? or just feel their whole lives as if something is wrong with them, never knowing where to fit, not knowing who they are, i feel like its a very uncomfortable position to be in especially in a society that forces people in boxes and categories like this it makes you feel like an outcast idk? so having this little box more openly talked about could help them realize that they’re valid 

as for “the rest of lgbt has had to fight for everything we have now”, first of all im hardly educated enough on lgbt history ok, so i cant give you fact checks and names and statistics as arguments here but i feel like… 

part of the fight for gay people was about making people realize that they dont feel attraction toward the opposite gender and that they cannot force themselves into it, its just the way things are because attraction is not a choice. and … id say its a natural follow up that some people would start to think “hey i dont feel attraction toward the opposite gender?? but now that i think about it i dont feel it toward the same gender either?? so could i have a different box maybe?” and this way start asking for representation you know? 

like i feel in some way the the asexual “struggle” is a bit similar to what most people in the lgbt community has to go though at least in term of personal experience and internal struggle if not from a social pov (since society mostly doesnt even know its a thing, we can’t really talk about acephobia mostly just …. ace ignorance id say).

Like this is my very personal experience and i cant talk for anyone else here but growing up realizing that i couldnt relate to my friends when they talked about boys is what made me question my identity ? and i assumed i was lesbian at first? so id say thats similar to the lesbian experience in a way? but then there was also the whole but ive never had a crush on a girl either so what does that make me?? and honestly i still dont know and idk if ill ever find out lol but anyways this is just to say that i feel that this is a similar struggle to the rest of the lgbt community in a way and maybe this is why a some part of the ace community feels like asking for representation through the lgbt community idk??

so yeah i hope i make sense and dont come off as insensitive or ignorant and answered your question??? im not very good at this sorry it took me so long to try to explain how i felt 

#ace tag #ask meme #this is awkward lol im lame at explaining things #anon #asks

[perfectionistincrisis]

Life these days!

Hmph :) So i have never..no let me write that in caps! So i have NEEEEVEEERRRRRRR (aha👌) felt this before. Like no, no its not cause i dont have a good vocabulary or something or like im not good with words or something, i mean those are not the reasons. But but i REALLY REALLY find it impossible to describe -IN WORDS- how much I feel for him. Like you know how somethings bugging you..Oh well everything bugs me.. And i DIEEE to tell him..But i cant🙃 So idk I just talk to myself maybe or like atleasr i have words i can use. But like those stuff are wordless. He means so much to mee.. And God!!!!!!! You have no idea how restless you feel when you have to keep such strong feelings suppressed within you! So normally I had some stuff to do. Like arranging my room, my clothes, my shoes, my stuff n all and i thought ill do them towards the end of vacation or in other words after my bro leaves which is like in 10 days but then i already feel like vacations ending. Now i dont mean that in a 'dramatic' way like you know, how your whole life every vaaction when its ending theres this sadness or happiness, well that depends. But like i mean there is some emotion you have towarss it and its like a "thing" like OH noo or oh yaaaayyy *dramatic* vacs almost over!!!!! Bleh -- yeah that ^ isnt there anymore. Cause like now im more of living life one day at a time. Like sure as hell i have plans/ dreams for future but when im 'living' a day at a time and you know that saying about how lifes a 'journey not a destination' - well ive been hearing it SO much since i was a kid. As in its such a mainstream quote that i just took it as something cheap and tacky w/o ever even realizing what it wants to say. I mean ok i do understand ehat it means but only now i can realize the 'depth' of it after experiencing life a bit. I think it means to say that life is ongoing, it will forever be until ofcourse we pass away. But like, then 'passing away' is the end point aka destination BUT nothing else before that is. So since passing away is certain we can ignore it and say that theres no 'destinatiom' in life. What we usually mistaken as destination are our 'dreams/ goals’ in life. But no, they are not destinations or end points. They are your targets. You want them, and yes you will adjust your life in order to focus and head towards your targets and youll be fighting for it and eventually you will reach it one day but. Your life will not end there. It does not end there. You keep living. New problems may come up. New targets will arise. So you see? Life is ongoing. May be these days youre living life but its not anywhere close to your dreams/ goals but BUTTTTT your life right now is also AS REAL as the life youre always picturing in your head. IT. IS. AS. REAL! so yeah life is ongoing. Its vacation now but yeah it wont be anymore and its not just the fact that it wont be vacation anymore but to add to that itll be SUPER hectic but yeah thats life and then before you know it therell be a vacation and then itll end and blaablaa. Life goes on!!!!! And you need to be okay with it and face anything that comes in your way with an open heart! I said face it. Means sometimes you need to accept, sometimes fight, sometimes struggle, sometimes cherish. Aha soooo ok lets get back to what i was sayin :3 Yeah so i mean its almost a month left, and for me i kind of feel like vac almost ending and i just dont really want to keep sruffs like cleaning and organisjng for the week before uni will start. So i did it this week. Also i kind of eat now. Like 'listen to my heartc typa eat. Like not apples and almonds and tea all day! So i also need to work out and so i decided this week i was going to focus on arranging my room, washing my scarves and all and my shoes and stuff and working out and eating and chilling. So well im not really done with it but its going ok. Also the reason i feel like vacation's almost over is because i finally came to know which 'rotation' i am going to start with in 4th year! So its like normally in 4th year there are 4 rotations. Surgery, Pediatrics, Internal Medicine and OB Gyne. So the females get the first 2 rotations that i mentioned above in semester 1 and the males get the last two. And in semester 2 females get last two and vice versa! Now within females/ males - you divide into 2 large groups. So 2 female groups - one starts semester 1 with surgery the other starts with peds. And similarly for males. So the whole batch is divided into 4 larges groups and at any time of the year all the 4 rotations are going on with different groups. Now lets talk about any ¼ group. So in that one group, theres roughly around 50 girls for example & they will start with lets say ‘surgery’. So now among those 50 girls, theyll need to make smaller groups of 5 members each so like 10 small groups of surgery. And now this 5 girls will be together for the whole rotation in the hospital. They go to see patients together. They meet the doctor together and everything. Only once a week there is ‘academic day’ on any specific day depending on your rotation and on that day all the 50 girls will have class at uni and like its a long day usually till 5 with many lectures by doctors. Aha so to summarize, that's how it all works! Now the thing is. People have preference. Like which rotation do you want to start with? Surgery or Peds? Haha Also, the thing is you dont get to decide! You just randomly form two big groups of equal number of girls and then they will assign a rotation randomly! But then people have preferences! Like some wants to start with surgery & some with peds. Now both has advantages & disadvantages! Surgery - ok this is hard! Its a fact, not my opinion! And it doesnt just end there! The doctors who teach surgery well let me rephrase..The “surgeons”! Well they're “surgeons” so they kind of expect you to know how everything works in the hospital right from Day 1 & they are less friendly, they teach less and expect you to know more! But if surgery is your 1st block how will you possibly know how things go in the hospital! So yeah you need to be alert always! Ok but the good side to starting with surgery is that since youre starting with it right after vacation youre all energetic and motivated and all and you can give it the attention and energy it really demands! But with time you seriously feel less motivated and its harder to study for uni! Well that is no excuse to slack off but then yeah in order to not slack off you need to work harder and harder! So thats the thing! Surgery is just easier to handle if started first but then the surgeons are the problem! Now peds. So yeah the things goods & bads of peds is the opposite of surgery! The doctors are extremely friendly and they teach but but peds is boring. Infact i personally hate peds and obgyne! So yeah! Now at first i wished i start with surgery but then with time I wanted peds. Cause like I really want to work hard for each and every block and so the timing of the rotation shouldnt matter! Whenever whatever comes, i have to face it and ace it! Simple as that. So if i start with peds I will also be able to start with friendly doctors and will have enough time to get to know how things work in the hospital rather than having surgeons who expect you to know everything on day 1! BUT BUT thats just my preference which switch from surgery to peds and anyways final say is not in my hands AND TO ADD TO THAT, more than what i preferred, i honestly left it more to Allah to give me whatever He thought was best for me. So like id say peds sounds good, but then I wouldnt like baaaaaadly want it and all like id be fine with either because im praying to Him to take care of it and help me through the entire path! Aha. So I got surgery! And i didnt feel bad even for a second. I mean. Oh surgery? Ok yeah cmon show me what you got!!!!!! :3 haha So yeah cause like now ik ill be starting eith surgery and then later peds. And like i mean just imagine like vacation started end of May and since then until beginning of this week youre completely clueless wth youll start the next year with and all is kinda confusing and then you finally know youll start with surgery. OHHHH! HOW COULD I MISSS THIS OUT. Like SURGERY!!! You GET IT????? Surgerys the REAL DEAL. i mean surgery is my thing. I never joined med school thinking ill be a ‘doctor’! I entered med school thinking ill be a ‘surgeon’ inshaAllah. AND it has never changed! So yeah! Now i never said it i think, but, i chose medicine because IN MY OPINION this is the most realistic way in which you are doing something for humanity which ultimately contributes to your religion i.e. to Allah and therefore for your own self for the Hereafter. I am aware that there are a zillion other ways to do so but i think this is number one on the list. Or if not 1 at least in the top 10! Now it doesnt end there. So first, i chose “medicine” for this reason. Now, yeah it doesnt end there. I want to be ‘involved enough’ in doing the job that i need to use to -use my own hands- to do so!!!! And thats nothing but surgery! Yeah! Thats basically what im about :):):) Aha okay so i started typing and then i keep talking talking talking and now idk what i wna say. Im all over the place looool Okayyy i need to go now! Just one thing i missed oh! Him. There's SO much of emotions stuck in me. SO Strong.. I dont think I have ever felt for him, or can ever feel for him AS MUCH AS I feel for him right now.. ❤

[jugheadthejones]

#do i just want to be a triple a? #(agender aro ace) #talks #hey i hate myself and this