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#if fall and winter where a person itd be them

edgyandoverzealous · 2 years

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Characters from my hyperfixations past and present that remind me of my S/O

A fairly chaotic analysis(ish) if you will. Posting it because they said they wanted to read it and I am in fact, madly in love with them so, as they wish. Pt 1. Because they are constantly on my mind and I will inevitably see a character and go "it's them <33" in a loving tone again.

Rise!Donatello -rottmnt

This is obvious. Like to the point where I don't really have to explain it but I will.

First and foremost a mad scientist who appears to be both touch starved and touch adverse?

with good fashion?

and good music taste?

That's literally just my partner.

Donnie seems like the biggest chemistry man, I'm just saying.

Clever and witty?

An adorable sarcasm spouting chaotic good? Yes. Again it's literally just them.

Rise! Leonardo - rottmnt

Again obvious. Also with how hard they kin this turtle, obviously he reminds me of them.

Charming and use humor as a coping mechanism? Check.

And this may just be a headcannon on my part but I feel like Leonardo Hamato is really good at hiding he has a crush on someone/dropping hints. My partner was so good at hiding their crush on me there was a point in time I thought they didn't like me at all and liked someone else entirely. I also missed all the hints given to me. They also dropped a lot of hints and once even asked me out jokingly while we were mutually pining after each other by asking if the next hangout would be a date and I thought about replying with "it can be whatever you want it to be" but was scared of misreading the situation and changed the subject to a random item on the shelf. I'm incredibly emotionally dense.

A good leader too. They legitimately always seem like they know what to do which is great considering I never know what's going on.

Also they are so creative in their plans. We once had a date where we got blankets and squishmellos before cuddling. It was awesome!

Funny and witty too? I can't possibly ask for anything else.

Will Solace - Pjo

Ah yes. A doctor. What are doctors good at? Exactly, science. You know what this doctor in particular can also do? Sing and play guitar. You know who else does that? Yeah, my point exactly.

Good at identifying tells and keeping a straight face.

Also really good at de-escalating anxiety, which we all know Nico has to have at this point and Will knows how to help. The way this applies to my partner happens a lot when we're holding hands. For example, we had an assembly and we're holding hands. For reference I don't do well in those situations anxiety wise as a general rule of thumb. They started to squeeze my hand in sets of three which I mimicked it was quite grounding.

Also they're so accepting. They liked me before I came out as a Trans according to the two year timeframe they've given me and they still liked me after?? I also told them I was feeling dysphoric and they said something along the lines of "why? You're literally a man." That kept me going for a month. I still remember it randomly and end up smiling like a doofus for the next hour or so.

Entrapta - Shera PoP

Another mad scientist. I'm detecting a theme. She likes small things and I am small actually 5'2 at my age, in this economy awful therefore my partner likes small things. Flawless logic I know. *multiple tiny bows*

Otherwise similarly to Donnie, Entrapta is very smart. But Entrapta is also not so smart sometimes. Specifically, in social cues. For example a way this relates to my partner is knowing when a vague(ish) comment is about them. I once told them someone I liked told me I was attractive in makeup, it was them, literally the night before. They went "oh." Looking quite confused and a little concerned. I told them they were the said person in response.

Cute mannerisms. For example talking with their hands. Adorable.

Entrapta is really into space and science, you know who else is into space and science? The love of my life, correct.

Entrapta has pretty hair. Without even trying. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS PRETTY HAIR WITHOUT HAVING TO TRY? Exactly.

You know that cute face Entrapta has when she gets to talk about her inventions and sciences? Have you ever seen that on a real person? I have. Yes it is as adorable as you would think. Yes it is also a reason why I hype up all of their ideas and hyperfixations. No I won't stop actually.

Double Trouble- Shera Pop

Okay hear me out. Hear me out.

They're both hot actors.

They both can sing as well. The full package I literally am so lucky.

Also Double Trouble is tall and attractive. You know who else is tall and attractive? Yeah. Exactly.

Street smarts, they both got 'em. I don't know how to handle a strange man with a cardboard sign preaching to me while walking to a maverick, but they do and I think that's amazing.

Also that sarcasm/lying, like during game night when they were bluffing or covering for my very poor bluffing. I can't lie for shit. Something to see honestly. Their tone during is so endearing and attractive?? I don't think you understand. I can't comprehend how someone can sound so charming while dishing out lies and sarcasm. It legit had me swooning. If they were cast as a villain in anything I think I'd explode actually.

#rottmnt #pjo #she ra #character comparison #i literally love them so much #theyre the best #they're in the comments but literally don't listen to them #they're lying #i am not accepting criticism at this time #if fall and winter where a person itd be them #their hair looks like wheat in autum at dusk in the light #they have pretty eyes and freckles #they are so pretty #you don't understand #ignore typos #i beg of thee

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cycle-hit · 2 months

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kotoko's timeline based on moon phases

(in chronological order)

minute 1:00 in harrow, the first glimpse of a moon phase:

waning crescent, comes right before a new moon.

1:54 in harrow, the second glimpse of a moon phase:

still a waning crescent. the events we see in those 54 seconds happen within a week of each other!

3:01 in harrow, the third and final time we see a moon phase:

full moon! its been quite a bit since 1:54, where she beat up that guy in the alleyway and sat emo in front of her bulletin board of crime. between that point and 3:01 (her getting information and killing the kidnapper), it's likely been two weeks assuming the crescent we see at 1:54 is at the end of its phase.

0:56 in deep cover, the first glimpse of a moon phase:

waning crescent, again! you have a pattern, kotoko. its been 2 weeks since the ending of harrow/the beginning of deep cover, assuming more cycles of the moon havent passed. i assume she was probably busy with court proceedings in those two weeks.

1:41 in deep cover, the second glimpse of a moon phase:

still a waning crescent! at this point in time, kotoko has finished hunting down all the criminals on her bulletin board in at least a week since 0:56.

1:51 in deep cover, the third glimpse of a moon phase:

last/third quarter, right after the waning crescent at 1:41! (as stated above, its been a week) at this point in time kotoko is seen in the park + in the city with lucky.

2:28 in deep cover, the fourth and final glimpse of a moon phase:

full moon, once more from the top! this passage of time is the largest one so far. its been roughly at least three weeks between the point in time we see kotoko walk off from lucky in the city and whatever event is happening at the end of deep cover.

in total for harrow, all the events took place over the course of 3 weeks.

in total for deep cover, all the events including the 2 weeks between her mvs happen over the course of 6 weeks, or a month and two weeks. excluding the 2 weeks between her mvs, its been 4 weeks/a month.

in total for BOTH harrow and deep cover, the mvs in their entirety cover 9 entire weeks, or two months + a week.

of course, this is all assuming that the moon phases actually correlate to time passing and arent just symbolism, as well as assuming that no extra cycles have passed.

i can also give a very rough guess of the months- in harrow the sticky notes on her map mention that through the 7th to 31st of a month shes investigating what's presumably the warehouse. this rules out february, november and september for harrow. based on the fact theres also flower on the streets without them beginning to wither, its likely not autumn or winter as well. plus, there is one (1) green tree in harrow

that leaves us at summer or spring! personally for harrow my vote is that it takes place in spring just bc i think itd fit her "newly born" thing. yknow. the season of "new life". summer in harrow would also make a lot more sense though, especially since in deep cover you can argue that the trees here

are starting to take on yellowish or red hues, plus two trees there are barren! signaling that deep cover may take place in autumn. if we use this theory, it means "harrow" likely took place in the entirety of august. this would also fit for the two flowers here that i can identify-

pink roses and longiflorum hybrids lilies. pink roses bloom early-spring to late fall (meaning theyd still be blooming in the summer, which fits since there seems to be unbloomed parts of it if that isnt a tulip), while longiflorum hybrid lilies bloom mid to late summer. its entirely possible the tiny white flowers could go against this evidence by blooming in like. winter or something but i physically cant tell what those are.

so, harrow's in the entirety of august most likely, while deep cover spans september to october!

#THIS TOOK SO MUCH TIME AND SO MUCH MATH AND IT ISNT EVEN THE MAIN THEORY I WANTED TO POST TONIGHT #IM SOOOOOOOOO. anyways if you notice any mistakes in my math feel free to call me out. im bad at math #KOTOKO YUZURIHA MADE ME DO MATH. I HOPE SHE EXPLODES.#milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #yuzuriha kotoko #milgram theory #milgram analysis

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binalakai · 7 months

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i also wish people would be more receptive to relationship speculation, at the very least. there were so many moments in fionna and cake where simon and fionna’s interactions had me raising my eyebrows and thinking “wow, what’s up with this chemistry rn?” but i know posting about it to see if others also noticed would get me dogpiled lol. glad i’m not the only one entertaining the ship and its implications to/for the characters it encompasses.

also winter king/simon is intriguing as well, if only in a weird homestuck self-shipping (dave and davesprite anyone?) kind of way where both characters get to have major epiphanies bc they’re basically looking into a mirror (may be more of a funhouse mirror for winter king/simon but still works lol)

i do not ship any of these pairings, please dont take this post from a shipping perspective

i apologize in advanced if this post is said messy. its given an opening to many things ive been thinking about since the start of the show and i know i wanna come back to it in case any new developments were to happen at the final season 1 episodes tldr; Kai Talks About how much i Love Very Messed Up Pairings, not because i want them to actually be together, but because i am NOT the type to ignore Seeds That Have been Planted in canon so i will Grow Horrible Realizations i've been having out of them

YEAH NO BECAUSE I LIKE. I JUST WANNA POINT OUT WHAT'S CANON OKAY!! i think this post is like. the only one ive seen that Has Pointed out The Adventure Time Ice King/Fionna dynamic in the lenses of the Simon we have today....and even then thats just a joke post :")

because like. okay. i need people to think about this for a second: yes, ice king didn't Come With with Fionna and Cake's existence, but why in the world would he Choose to be responsible for writing it? for bringing their stories to life and showing off a world that's been living in his head? i genuinely think people don't really like the ugly side of how badly loneliness has mutated Ice King's way of thinking (i mean for gods sake the guy tries to kiss/get with anyone, mf cant even recognize the person he claims to be falling in love with). that, yeah. of course if he had a World Living inside his brain that felt so Real to him that he CONSTANTLY wished for it to not only but true, but one that would be close to him!! one that would welcome him!!!! no matter what itd be, romantic, platonic, To the point of Worship....like ANYTHING that would bring him closer to genuine Connection in his alienating experience. NOTABLY for fionna The Human!!! the human that parallels a real life actual kid that mostly has kicked Ice King's ass to eventually treating him like a Poor confused Old Lost Guy. still, i need to stress the kind of dynamic finn and the ice king have is NOWHERE near the kind of dynamic fionna and ice king have (and even with simon developments included). . ...except this time around, even when he does have his own parallel Ice Queen existing manifesting the Must Needed Rival for their universe to make sense, mutating her character into something that to make her more Vicious/Violent, making Ice King seem Nicer In Comparison and dare i say that, yeah...! some of that HAS been carried onto modern day Fionna!! who CANONICALLY has romantic feelings towards ice prince and the winter king, parallels to ice king/simon himself! just. sorry but i NEED both Simon and Fionna to like. Read Those Stories. I Need them to revisit the VERY specific stories that Ice King felt the need to tell in the first place, his and other people in their lives' inclusions. it would not only reinforce Simon's Influence in the world Period, something that he found himself doubting on ...but also I NEEEEEEDDD to see that can of worms opened. i NEED for Fionna to see for herself the people SHE'S supposed to be representing. i NEED for her to see what kind of void she's been filling in Ice King/Simon's time of existence. i NEED for her to see how big the Obsession GOT, how badly Ice King needed that outlet of escapism (and how much Simon still returns to it in the present day)

^ this moment has been living in my brain ever since the announcement of the Fionna and Cake series that Fionna's fixation on the ice prince, her life, her..everything in general, is more or less a Weird Reflection of the lives of People living Greater Lives than she ever believed to have lived, combined with how said proclaimed experiences of Magic have only been recorded by a guy who Inserted Himself in a world she doesnt even recall living in Im surprised that. hasnt been so Stressed yet in show. im prepared to eat my words if they DO come back to it. but for the time being i really wish Fionna found out how desperate Simon/Ice King was for someone to acknowledge and Desire His Existence, to a degree that would be absolutely humiliating/weird to uncover but Necessary to come back to in order to truly understand the Scope of what 1000+ years of Madness through Ostracization (from others and eventually the Self) Does to a MF

__________ AS OF FOR MY THOUGHTS ON THE WINTER KING, he alas only truly an episode to explore. but the thoughts still exist nonetheless!!! for the most part i can only truly indulge in it out of pure hilarity for its existence, while acknowledging how much im so thankful that winter king was characterized as he was n didnt overstay his welcome, as i didnt find him necessary to stay in the narrative . there's a lot of feelings i have about simon/ice king's perception of himself alone, and how most of it is Either Negative or Overcompensation Due to his own self negativity. which makes me curious on what could come of a Better Version of Himself, looking at the version of himself that has "failed" to conquer the crown the way he has, but contemplated on pursuing romantically, even for a brief moment honestly, i dont blame people for being invested in this pairing (in comparison to fionna/simon, where i cannot myself entertain it even as a joke unlike this one). it makes me curious on what the Winter King's definition of romance is in comparison to Simon's. what could even be desirable, possibly, in the eye's of the Winter King? Does the love of someone you'll go mad over truly make you a Better Person Or Worse? Simon and Winter King existing in the same room together brings up so many questions and possible ways to explore Simon's character. wayyyyyyyyyy less of a "this can be simon's way of practicing self love" thing and MUCH more of a "These Guys Kissing each other would be the equivalent of the Narcissus Tale but with a Distorted Reflection that only Represents You because the reflection Demands That of you"

#fionna and cake #adventure time #long post #text heavy #simon petrikov #the winter king #fionna campbell #i WILL delete this though genuinely if people start to get weird in my notes #but otherwise i genuinely would be very welcome to more CIVIL. discussion about this

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morinokunikara · 4 years

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👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her.

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever.

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more.

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays.

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride), and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard.

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good.

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair.

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze.

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is.

#god i lost focus like 4 times doing this #sorry if the answers arent particularly amazing i started feeling rlly yucky midway through #but wanted to finish #Anonymous #mailbox #oc tag: kokoro

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faunusrights · 5 years

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OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 9

oh goody!

well this is it. the Date Chapter. the chapter, in which, the Date happens. lowkey im so fucking hype for this stupid goddamn chapter AAAAAAAAAAAA this is when the sexy got kicked up about seven notches and i know its gonna be a fucking twenty from here on out so LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

“Is this your date, Ms. Fall?” he asked.

Cinder didn’t look away from Glynda. “Mhm.”

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GODDAMN GATE WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SECOND TO EVEN GATHER OURSELVES JUST STRAIGHT UP HUH!!!!!!!!! ‘is this your date’ im legally dead

What the fuck.

already im fucking THRIVING im so glad this chapter’s mood got encapsulated within the first ten seconds and im definitely gonna have to re-read this chapter for the full unannotated experience OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD IM SO READY

Glynda’s thoughts ricocheted inside her head like coins left in a dryer. A part of her couldn’t understand what was happening and disengaged. The rest of her, grasping for purchase in all this, reasoned that going with Cinder was better than staying here confused, alone, and utterly displaced.

glynda ‘i aint ever had a gf before’ goodwitch at her PEAK right here. like GOD shes gone from ‘cinder’s trying to murder me’ to ‘cinder just plopped me right into a date’ like CINDER. CINDER YR CHANGING GEARS SO FAST. YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it because shes a u-haul lesbian or

Higher, Glynda realized the dress itself was backless, revealing the black tattoo she’d seen so often before, perfectly centered between sharp shoulder blades.

this gay energy is BONKERS, quite frankly??????? where did cinder get her dress from? why does she have it? did she buy it just for this fuckery? or will she pull the ‘i just had a this lil number laying around’ line????????? does she wanna seduce glynda to death?????? was this PLANNED OR DID SHE JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED A DATE AND WTH LIFE REALLY IS SHORT ON REMNANT THESE DAYS?????????? cinder fall please explain your workings to the class

maybe Glynda wasn’t the only one who’d become adept at reading her opponent.

👏 when 👏 will 👏 they 👏 kiss 👏 already 👏👏👏👏

me: this is a slowburn also me: if u assholes dont give me this in the next ten seconds-

“Unarmed? As if you could be so helpless.”

cinder’s style of flirting is just. commentating on a person’s deadliness. that’s IT it’s the only TRICK SHE HAS and its working, is the thing,

im reading the description of the table and remembering the shitpost and oh my god i have to draw this???? hell IS real!!!!!! COULDNT YALL JUST TOSS EM IN A PLAIN BOX,

Cinder eyed her from her bastion of dark cushions,

cinder, ass-deep in cushions: this is peak cuddle territory come and join me

Cinder, for her part, seemed delighted Glynda had noticed. Touching the pendant more gently than Glynda might have ever thought her capable of, Cinder said, “Yours? You didn’t seem to mind parting with it.”

im still deeply enjoying this powermove the novelty NEVER wears off (and at risk of light spoilers i do enjoy its place in this story 👀)

Cinder let the necklace drop, settling against the swell of her bust once more,

/lightly coughs 👀👀👀

im losing my MIND at how gay this bit is i physically cannot HANDLE IT and if they even describe the meal once im gonna pop off cause i am. SO HUNGRY RN. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Cinder indicated a dish of lamb and vegetables, served on a bed of rice and drizzled in some sort of sauce.

SRY THIS ISNT GAY BUT OH MY GOD IM SO HUNGRY I WANNA E A T I T THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD UGHGHGHGHGHGH WHY DID THIS CHAPTER HAVE TO BE TODAY OF ALL THE DAYS,

Glynda cleared her throat, working out: “The Grimm.”

like. GOD WE KNOW GLYNDA IS JUST SO FUNCTIONALLY BAD AT CONVERSATION BUT OF ALL THE THINGS glynda please just. just. stop thinking abt her sexy tattoos for a fifth of a second,

“You can control them.” A sedate blink. For all the world, Glynda might have just commented on the weather.

which is a faux pas for a date!!!!!!!!!!! at least tell her the DRESS IS SEXY WE ALL KNO WHATS WHAT YR THINKIN ABT

Glancing down as though it were being pointed out to her for the first time, Cinder shrugged and adjusted the end of the glove a little higher on her bicep. “And?”

a quick aside im enjoying how like... visually expressive cinder is in this remaster! i can see her facial expressions and her motions really clearly in my mind’s eye which is a fun little boon if only because i have to redraw this nonsense hjsgdfjhfksgd but cinder’s got a Good Face this time around! A QUALITY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should know by now, there’s something about you that’s simply irresistible to Grimm.”

HERE COMES THE PLOT (and a single surviving line so far... this one sentence has survived all the world could throw at it... we stan)

Cinder straightened, and Glynda saw that this was what she’d been waiting for.

“It isn’t every day the great Glynda Goodwitch kneels before her adversary, is it?”

HELLO??????????????????????????? WHATS THIS WORDING????????? honestly tho for a second i thought she meant like. quite literally and i thought id missed some PROPER SHIT RIGHT THERE BUT YEAH WTH!!!!!!! C I N D E R

“You cheated. You can’t beat me on your own.”

yes glynda we gathered that yr a top

“Really, Glynda? Poison?” she sneered, something like offense simmering in her expression. “After all this?”

looks at the camera

anyway,

god im literally losing grasp of words to say because theres such a charged mood in this scene............. theyre brushing fingers............ trading jabs.......... im slurpin it up babey!!!!!!!! this rly is the BEST remaster of this whole scene it DESERVES this wordcount!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Beat you,” Cinder corrected. “And call it a point of pride.”

yes cinder we gathered yr a brat,

this dynamic is why this fic is so fuckign good when will winter have a swift return to add even more fuckery to this wild ride

Then, with a heavy-lidded look, Cinder found Glynda’s hand between them, the touch so sudden and daring that Glynda flinched. The fabric of those gloves was smooth against Glynda’s flesh, and for all that cruelty had marked every other instance of contact between them, Cinder was surprisingly gentle.

whomp there go my nuts

WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE THE EXECUTIVE CHOICE TO ADD THIS LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO???????????? im losing my BRAINCELLS

What she wasn’t ready for was for Cinder to guide her hand to her own throat and hold it there.

THERE IS IT THERE’S THE KINK IT’S BEEN SPOTTED

oh my GOD what even IS THIS WHO ADDED THIS SECTION WHO ALLOWED THIS TO COME TO P A S S WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO????????? HEWWO??????????

Now… Now Cinder interested her.

tbh how can i liveblog this? what commentary can i POSSIBLY add that we arent already all THINKING. we just launched into a level of hell so deep that lucifers gonna have to pull some goddamn tricks to follow us down here!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE! THIS MOMENT! IM SCREAMING

Glynda mirrored the expression back at him, and finally, he coughed, not making strong eye contact with either of them. He set their plate before them and hurried out without so much as a check-in.

i just KNEW that was gonna happen JHGDSFGJHKSDF he was gonna walk in on SMTHNG but i didnt think itd be CINDER’S CHOKING KINK,

okay i took a break and ate my weight in roast chicken and we’re back babey

Almost nervously, her fingers carded through her own dark hair, and there, among the locks, Glynda spotted a glimpse of something white, structured and ridged.

AND I AM INSTANTLY KNOCKED BACK UPON MY ASS 👈W👈H😨A👈T👈

It was easier to ignore the rest of it—whatever it was.

glynda you are a fool and a moron im withering into DUST

On no level had she expected those to be Glynda’s words.

then what... did she expect... well probably -- and rightly so -- ‘bitch WHAT ARE THOSE’ TBH

wait sorry i have to jump back because i forgot customary fingerguns on the most brazen bit of Shit yet:

Cinder was occupying herself with something else: the head of a dragon, perched over the door and staring down at the two of them with red, glossy eyes.

👈👈👈😎👈👈👈

okay BACK TO THE FIC

Fangs snapped together around the word.

aka back to me horni

/chanting TEETH! TEETH! TE

okay but the reason i doubled back to catch that fingergun is because we’re getting ass-deep into plot now!!!!!!!!!!! WITCHES AND DRAGONS BABEY......... HERE’S WHAT OFFAL HUNT IS ALL ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant rly drop more fingerguns than that because any astute reader will start realising the dots im shouting abt and honestly half the fun of this fic is the ride so >:3c

“Funny. I was sure he would have told you.”

that blow was so low i think cinder hit the concrete with that one

oh god theyre gonna get to the bit and i-

“Is that what all of this has been about? You called me here to remind me that I'm autistic?”

/SCREAMS

The words were delivered firmly, calmly, but Cinder’s response was the opposite, sudden upheaval seizing her. Her expression opened in something akin to panic. “Wh—no? What? No! That's not what I—”

/SCREAMS

oh my GOD CINDER YOU HAVE FUCKED UP LEGENDARILY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WAS FELL ASS-FIRST ONTO A LANDMINE OH MY GOD

offal hunt v1 cinder: im totally in control and im playing glynda every step of the way

offal hunt v2 cinder: OH JESUS OH FUCK OH NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-

Cinder seemed genuinely stressed now, speaking quicker as though trying to bury the last sixty seconds.

i knew this remaster would have sections that would blow me away but this bit really took the fcuking cake DGHSJFSJHFDG holy SHIT this is AMAZING

It was difficult to tell in the low light, but if Glynda wasn't mistaken, there was a bright flush of embarrassment coloring Cinder’s cheeks.

this is SUCH prime content hey remember in one of the early liveblogs that cinder would descend into full dork? WELL THE DESCENT CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /pops bottles

“Cinder.” There was a very real line of threat in Glynda’s tone. “Don’t.”

oh this whole scene just keeps getting better i am LOVING this dynamic now!!!!!!! before it was all pretty one-sided so having the conversation rock back and forth is 👌👌👌

That Witch soul of yours—it was designed to void out everything but the prey before you. To be numb to all human emotion. To focus on the hunt and nothing else.

finally the fruit of 50% of my fingerguns COMES TO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PLOT PLOT PLOT

“This is bullshit.” Jabbing an accusing finger at Cinder, Glynda said, “You’re a liar. You’re a criminal!”

i LOVE glyndas pottymouth in this its such a good like... change from her being strict and formal and teachery and now shes full on gremlin huntress hell YES BABY!!!!!!!!!! GO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“There’s all kinds of things I bet he never told you.” Cinder continued. “Did you know he was close to your predecessor? The Witch who came before you—they were inseparable.”

SRY IM LIKE STRUGGLIN TO COMMENTATE because so much of this like. speaking as an Old-Ass Reader this is like. a LOT! A LOT HAS CHANGED and yet,,,, stayed the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yall kids WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER LIKE................ 15 FOR THIS SHIT (but like. chapter 15 was different because this chapter used to be like chapter 7? so now everythings moved along so chapter 15 doesnt sound that impressive but trust me it was a different fic back then)

When they fell away, burnt and ruined, she could see Cinder’s bare arms for the first time. The red lines drawn across her skin sloped down the entire length of her arms, circling her elbows, carved into her wrists. They ended right at her hands, ensuring any long-sleeved garment would hide them. Every covered inch of her was filled like a canvas, like abstract art.

lets pause the fight scene for glynda to be gay!!!!! god im. okay look i said this earlier but im so glad we have more cinder like this tbh. the first version was rly lacking w/ cinder content until late-game when the plot sorta. got itself going? but now we’re eye-deep in this content i LOVE cinder i love this WEIRDO who is a HUGE LOSER and IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Glynda could not dispel the fear that she had been telling the truth.

and after committing Some Amount In Damages, we’re at the end of the chapter!

okay so i really enjoyed this version SO MUCH MORE. everything abt it was polished and worked together so much better and it really needed the space to breathe in its own chapter. its been horny, gay, intense, hilarious, and way more in one chapter and its SO good this really is PEAK offal hunt!!!!!!!!!!!! good job diesel and kc but im still going to murder you both,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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thestuckylibrary · 5 years

Text

Group Ask 72

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said:

Hey I read this fic a few weeks ago but I can’t find it it was abo I think and Steve would scent the other avengers and they were a pack and he didn’t know he was doing that and They were on a mission and Bucky joined I think in an old hydra building and Bucky got separated for a while and he thought Steve left him and there was these weird mutant dogs if u can find itd be great thank u so much!!!! I started reading Stucky recently and ur blog has been so helpful

asterisktrash, insomnia1999, kittybrownjs, dracusfyre and a bunch of anons wrote in with Heat Stroke by cleo4u2, xantissa* (complete | 243,892 | E ) *references to past noncon

Anon 2 said:

hello! i’vr searched very through the blog to make sure i didnt miss a post but im still having trouble finding this fic: bucky gets the courage to ask steve out so buck cooks dinner and makes it all romantic but then steve comes home from a date with a woman?? help please and thank you <3333

Anon 3 said:

I sent this a little while ago but I think it got eaten. It’s a war time set fic where bucky is a demon or angel (?) but he’s basically the reason that steve is big because the serum didn’t work - it was bucky who did it. also he looks like he does because he said he stole the face from some dead soldier he thought was pretty but it’s actually just a toned down version of bucky a real face. i think it was internalized homophobia and undernegotiated handcuff/restraints too

alexdecampi, the-littlesparrow, kittybrownjs, dracusfyre, commanderpigeon and anon wrote in with Demonique by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (complete | 39,031 | E) - AO3 restricted

Anon 4 said:

I’ve been looking for this fic literally forever. Steve is a teacher (I’m not sure if he’s pre or post serum) and Bucky is in the military. Steve’s coworkers don’t know about Bucky, until he shows up to surprise Steve at school one day. That’s all I remember and I would love to find it. Thank you so much!

Anon sent in Inside the Pocket of Your Ripped Jeans by kasunn (oneshot | 4,348 | T)

Anon 5 said:

I remember there was this IW fix-it fic where it was canon up until the snap and Steve went to purgatory or somewhere, met Hela, and lost his finger (?) / time to revive everyone who got dusted. Do you happen to know which fic this was? Thanks!

Anon sent in Night Crossing by fallingvoices (oneshot | 21,261 | M)

captainrogers-barnes said:

Hi!! I’ve searched high and low for this fic but I can’t seem to find it anywhere!!! It’s similar to Venus in vibranium but Bucky signs up to a program for the government and Steve picks Bucky to piss fury off. Buckys meant to get a arm and a full university ride and Steve feels bad so he gives it and go and I think they fall in love?? Thank you!!

Anon sent in Heart of Fools by Claudia_flies (complete | 55,824 | E) - heed the tags!

incorrectwintersoldier said:

There's this Stucky fic I've feverishly been looking for, where post-DC Bucky is working in a coffee shop while Sam and Steve are looking for him and eventually find him, but Bucky pretends not to remember them and always spells their names incorrectly on purpose. I think it's either on AO3 or Tumblr, not quite sure, but it'd be awesome to find it. Thank you, :)

Anon sent in Steve Rogers’ Guide to Approach-With-Caution by velleities (oneshot | 10,140 | T)

inaptwritersstuff said:

Hey! Im looking for fics which has the winter soldier both amused and annoyed by how reverent steve is to him even though the winter soldier is not the same bucky. Im sorry if this is too specific. If u cld also please rec me what tags to use to find fics for this, ill be forever grateful. Thankyou. Love your blog

sciencebeam said:

Hello and thank you, you wonderful people. I've been searching for an older fic that I only vaguely remember (sorry). All or most people have magical powers, and they're all given overarching titles like "healer." Steve either doesn't have a power or is rather weak. The bit i remember most is that Bucky (and steve?) are on a train to visit bucky's sister, the train crashes, and bucky's soul ends up stuck in the soul realm for about 2 years? Steve works really hard to being him back, and succedes

rose-wolf-thorn, insomnia1999, whitewolfwintersoldier and Anon wrote in with A Silver Thread In The Darkness by 74days (oneshot | 3,464 | T)

the-last-fish-flaming said:

Hey, so I've been looking for this fic I read a while back and I don't remember much about the plot except that they were both pining and trying to confess their feelings to one another but also assuming that the other wasn't interested. I do remember this one part where Bucky gets fed up and says something like, "I'm pouring out my heart to you and you're kind of being a dick." I know that's kinda vague... any ideas?

#group asks

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lovesickjily · 5 years

Text

After Moon

for the lovely beautiful amazing @beaubcxton @thelaziestgeek ahhhh happy day of your birth you wonderful human you. i love you so much. here, have a fic of just about ever trope that i hope you’ll love. ahhhh i hope this is one of the loveliest of days you’ll ever live out because every day of your life should be just about as beautiful as today <333333

leave some love on ao3 or ffn

Summary: When the universe sent Lily back in time for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t realise that she’d fall for the charming, messy-haired Prince along the way, nor did she realise that she’d see him once again.

There was something oddly calming about the tenderness of the soft waves of the lake.

The water felt cool against her toes as she skimmed the edges, breaking the otherwise stillness of the gentle motions, and she moved her feet in small spirals, as if she was directing the choreography for the stream’s soft, graceful movements.

Her jeans— which she admitted were most definitely not the most appropriate wear for the outdoors in this scorching heat, what with the temperatures being much too hot for spring, a time for flowers to blossom and rejoice at the sun’s newly-made appearance after months of the cold fragility of winter— had been rolled up as much as they possibly could before ultimately being able to cut the circulation off from her thighs, and her long-sleeved shirt had been rolled up to her shoulders. Perhaps she should have let loose, should have worn an outfit that revealed more skin, because if the sun had finally shied away from hiding in the clouds, then her skin should have shied away from the constraints of clothing as much as possible as well.

Only, it was far too late for a change of wardrobe now.

She’d been dragged off with her family to spend time together, but between Vernon’s horrible attempts at making himself appear more virile and masculine through his arsed attempts at fishing in the lake— a terrible mistake as it was already, having gone on about knowing that he’ll most definitely catch the largest tarpon humanity will ever see, his first mistake, really, seeing as they were currently engaging in recreational activities at a freshwater lake— and Petunia’s insults towards Lily when she’d tried to correct Vernon, she’d found herself distancing herself from them slowly but surely. He hadn’t even been holding the rod correctly, for heaven’s sake.

If he’d at any point given her the rod, she was sure to catch at least something, but because of his notions that women were only good in the kitchen and at home sweeping the floors, he hadn’t even so much as let go of the rod, as if it was more dear to him than his fiance. Lily had a feeling that this had been the first time he’d ever even acquainted himself with the likes of fishing.

It’d been slightly amusing at first to watch Vernon fish and Petunia clapping him on, and in fact, the first time he’d thrown the rod, the hook had gotten caught in one of his belt loops, but soon, it just got annoying with his persistence to go on, still not yet having realised that there was no chance of him catching a tarpon, not even a chance of him catching anything, really. It didn’t stop Petunia from clapping for him.

She didn’t at all see what her sister saw in her oaf of a boyfriend, but then again, she didn’t really see much in the men that acquainted themselves with her, none of them catching her eye or making her heart flutter as it was described in the books that she entertained her eyes with in her free time. Perhaps she had been born in the wrong time period, or perhaps she was too picky when it came to finding the supposed one, but she couldn’t at all see herself settling for anyone less than what she looked for— whatever she was looking for. Why should she be unhappy with someone she didn’t love? As lonely as she was— relationship-wise— she’d much rather be alone than with anyone who wasn’t her emotional equal.

Respectful men? Sure, she supposed she met enough of them to crowd a room or two, but none had that sparkle in their eye, none had the passion that met one as fiery as her own. She wasn’t going to settle down with a man who should have been respectful from the start, because it was like asking for a meal at only a decent restaurant and be served with a meal that was equally decent, for it had been what she expected. She wanted unpredictability, in a good sense, not the one-day-I’ll-assault-you-after-coming-off-as-a-good-person unpredictability.

Perhaps her generation had spent so much time dwelling on finding love that it had become commonplace for people to rush into relationships, relationships that they should have known were destined to fall apart from the very beginning, and that the feeling had dwindled in the world because so many had begun falling out of it.

If she had been born earlier, maybe she’d been subjected to the love that she’d like to think she’d like. On the dates that she’d gone on in the past, she supposed they were decent enough dates, though nothing too far out of it, and a simple dinner was completely fine, but they didn’t seem as if much thought had been put into them. She’d like to think that she was worth at least some thought, but obviously, she wasn’t begging for thousands of dollars from her bridesmaids, wasn’t begging for anything but consideration from them. Honestly, she wouldn’t have even minded if someone took her on a date to the supermarket so long as they thought it out with the consideration that all good people deserved.

Or, as an idea that she liked to ball up and throw off into the corner, she wasn’t worthy of finding love, but if that was the case, then men— both of the respectful and the disrespectful sort— wouldn’t be queuing up to ask her out on a date, to which she almost always turned them down, not at all feeling the connection that she so desperately seeked.

But on another note, if someone with the likes of Vernon had been able to bag her sister, who could be quite the person when she treated Lily with the sisterly love that she wanted from her, then perhaps love wasn’t at all dead. Petunia surely wasn’t in it for the looks, and if she was, then she was in dire need of a visit to the optometrist.

If she had a boyfriend sitting beside her right at that very moment, a very attractive man with cleverness to boot— though not so much as he’d always beat her in banter, because she considered herself a goddess with words, almost always able to outstump others verbally— she’d like to imagine that they were coming up with the funniest ways to describe Vernon’s failed attempts to so much as reel in a weed of some sort, but, of course, there was no indisputably beautiful man sitting beside her. A shame, that.

And she didn’t want to measure her worth by her relationship status, quite loving the notion of being an independent woman, but she could still be an independent woman with a man beside her, holding her hand and doing whatever it was that a loving boyfriend did.

But, no boyfriend, no one to laugh at Vernon with, no one.

She sighed.

Her eyes travelled over to the other families, who had begun gathering for the solar eclipse that was supposed to happen today in a few moments, which had been another reason as to why her family had chosen this particular day to go out together. They’d said it killed two birds with one stone— a motto that Vernon probably most definitely lived by literally, having boasted about his ‘successful’ hunting expeditions, meaning that he’d succeeded in the bloodshed of poor, innocent animals that he’d later gone on to hang on his walls as trophies. Vernon and her father had begun to put away the fishing supplies, and she was sure that he would soon begin to bust into a boast about how expensive his solar eclipse-designed glasses were, as if the frames would let him view the phenomenon better as opposed to the glasses that Lily had picked up from the nearby convenience store. She was practically daring him to speak.

Surely enough, after her parents had beckoned her over to them, having chosen a spot where they could easily view the eclipse, the clouds had cleared away enough so that the sun was very much in sight, shining brightly down at the onlookers, as if to call them idiots for choosing this day to look up at it, as if on any other occasion they would have simply gone blind from just laying their eyes upon it.

The eclipse was scheduled to happen any second now, and she’d settled down beside her mum, her feet once again skimming the surface of the water. There were many groups of people relaxing on the lake now, engaged in conversations with one another, excitement written over their faces as they awaited the passage of the moon covering the sun with her own family talking.

“I heard that seeing an eclipse means that someone will die,” Vernon gruffed, and she wanted so badly to refute his statement, but anything that came out of her mouth would make Petunia shush her and say that Vernon knew what he was talking about because he had a fancy degree in philosophy, like having such a degree made him a philosopher, as if the minds of Socrates and Aristotle had nothing on him.

Instead, she chose to ignore him, because to say something, anything smart, in the presence of her parents would just make them disappointed in her, and so she held her tongue, if just for that moment. She found her eyes wondering, finding a boy who had gone astray from the rest of his family, who hadn’t seem to notice because they were too preoccupied with the patterns of the sun and the moon, and the next thing she knew, he had jumped into the lake.

He jumped into the lake.

Oh god.

What was she to do? Should she intervene in business that wasn’t her own? Surely the boy knew how to swim, otherwise he wouldn’t have willingly thrown himself into the perils of the water, but then again, he was a child who didn’t know any better, hadn’t gone through life to fully understand what was right and wrong just yet.

Her eyes darted towards the crowds, because surely someone would have noticed a small boy plunging into the water, mesmerised by the reflection of the sun on the surface of the water, but people only continued smiling and laughing, completely unaware of what was happening in the lake. She’d nearly turned back to the conversation herself, when the boy began flailing in the water, and nevermind the fact that she was wearing clothing completely unsuitable for swimming— she hadn’t even expected to go swimming at all— and she knew that there was really one option for her.

She stood from her spot, kicking off her shoes and running off of the pier, ignoring the protests from her parents and the shrieks coming from Petunia at her abruptness. The water completely overtook her nostrils, filling them, before she emerged, kicking against the forces of the water as quickly as she possibly could before the boy succumbed to the depths of the lake, and he was visibly drowning now, trying his hardest as to not drown.

She pushed against the water, and she’d nearly considered holding out her hand, but he was quite possibly too terrified to register her actions. She hadn’t even had to do anything, because she hadn’t noticed that her brash display of jumping into the lake from the pier had attracted the attention of loads of people, even more than the child had, because his father had launched into his boat— already revved up and ready to go— to save the child.

She had jumped into the water for nothing.

Or perhaps she had, if it helped to rescue the boy and if it meant that there’d be one less dead person in the world.

“Take my hand,” the man told her, and she’d tried really hard to reach up, but from the reflection on his sunglasses she could see the moon passing over the sun in that very instance, signaling the start of the eclipse. Why she took notice of that small detail, she did not know, though it seemed like a very ominous sign of impending doom, and she would have laughed if she could at Vernon’s beliefs, as if she was the one to die. “Miss?”

She snapped out of it, and she was finally able to move her hand, but she hadn’t even managed to so far as to even brush fingers with the man— one with slightly greying hair and a protruding belly, seeming to be the embodiment of a fisher dad— when she felt something pulling at her foot, some sort of invisible force keeping her in the water, and she felt her heart lurch.

Had she upset some water spirit in the past? Why was—

There was only one instance in which water could ever burn someone, that only instance being when one was being submerged in water, filling their lungs and throat and nose to the point that they couldn’t breathe, and water wasn’t at all supposed to do that, was supposed to put out things that burned, not have the property of burning, but that was the only sensation that she could properly understand now as the water pushed at her from every direction.

Get up, she told herself. She knew how to avoid drowning, had read up on it before, and she knew that she had to stop moving, had to keep thrashing and flailing about, but this force, gravity, whatever it was, was keeping her from emerging from the surface.

She was sure to hear screaming of some sort, or perhaps everyone had taken to observing the eclipse, forgetting about the redhead who was surely to succumb to her death, but fighting for her life was wearing thin as much as she wanted to stay alive, and she felt her eyes closing.

Now, there was nothing soothing about the water as it pulled her down to its murky depths.

Then she saw black.

*****

It felt like eternity since she’d woken up, and she was still completely aware of how much the water— although she was lying flat on the ground now— was burning her, having made its way in her now and had worked its way into her system.

She felt herself cough up a small burst of water, opening her eyes as she expected the concerned stares of her parents and exasperated stares of Petunia and Vernon, but instead, she found herself looking into the concerned eyes of two unknown girls around her age. Upon seeing that she wasn’t dead— or, maybe she was dead, and this was the first thing that she was supposed to see when entering the afterlife—, they breathed a sigh of relief, smiling warmly at her.

“Oh, Princess!” the blonde one exclaimed, “We nearly thought you were done for when we found you in the water.”

“Had us shocked there, you did,” the brunette agreed, “The Prince will be in for such news, especially on your first day here.”

“I— Princess?” she exclaimed, blinking at these strange women, “I’m not a princess?”

They looked at her as if she was the one uttering nonsensical words, and the brunette shook her head, muttering, “You must have hit your head harder than I thought.”

“Drowning does not affect the memory part of my brain,” she huffed, but when she’d finally come to her senses, she realised that she was not at the lake, was nowhere near the lake, the only body of water being a pond of some sort in an ornate garden, designed as if it was meant for royalty. Where was she?

Perhaps she had hit her head a bit too hard. Maybe she had hit a rock on the way down, but after feeling the top of her head for any gash of any sort, her hand came back with nothing except for the knowledge that her hair, which had been tied up in a ponytail before, was now up in a wet plait wrapped around her head, spurring on even more questions.

She attempted to stand up quickly from her spot, causing the two to rush at her side, and the blonde tugged at her arm, keeping her down. “Princess—”

“Again, you must be mistaken—”

“Please be careful,” she finished, securing a towel around Lily’s person, and she was completely aware of how her long sleeve and jeans had been traded for a flowy ivory dress that cascaded down her legs and reached the floor, though the sleeves themselves were still long. “The prince will be awfully upset if something treacherous occured to you.”

“The prince, right,” she said, “It’s almost like he’s asked my hand in marriage from the way you’ve bloody said it.”

Their eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, and if they were looking at her as if she was from another world, then now she was an alien to be astonished at. “Are you sure you’re all right, Princess?”

When you discount the fact that she almost bloody drowned, then she was completely fine, dandy even.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I—”

She stopped in the middle of her sentence, staring at them, unblinking, because if this was the first time that she’d come here to meet this so-called Prince, that if she died and he’d be devastated, then… “I’m engaged to him,” she said, more as a statement more than a question.

The truth seemed to settle on her, like a chill that had started down her spine but had stopped halfway, seeping into her bones, because she truly had no idea where she was, who these people were, why they were calling her a princess, and why she was engaged to a man she didn’t know. There were so many questions, and they seemed all the less wiser to her confusion because they seemed just as confused as she was.

Wasn’t she just saving a little boy just a few moments ago?

Then again, she was also drowning a moment ago.

Had she somehow, under the strange powers of the solar eclipse, been taken back to another time period?

She could feel the tightness of the corset restraining the sides of her body, squeezing from every possible direction, as well as the looseness and liberty that she felt near her lower regions in sharp contrast, suggesting that she was in a time nowhere near her present time. She wanted to rip off the corset, to return to her comfortable tees and shorts, to return to her rightful time and era, where technology existed, where her loving family lived, and where she was not being accosted by people who were insistent that she was of royalty.

“You were very much against marrying him,” the brunette said in concern, nodding slightly.

“I was?”

They didn’t delight her with an answer, only looking at her patronisingly, and the sudden sound of frantic horse steps against the hard ground, grabbing their attentions, including her own, her eyes making out the sight of a man nearing them. “Good afternoon, Dorcas, Alice,” he said, nodding at them when he neared them, and then he turned towards her, smiling at her with a crooked grin. “Princess.”

She’d nearly accused him of being just as out of his mind as the others were, would have too, if she didn’t take in the sight of him adorned in an expensive outfit of some sort, seeming to have been made from the finest materials of the time, an outfit almost equally— but not quite there— as attractive as he was, with golden honey-coloured eyes and beautiful unkempt hair that seemed that stick out in every direction, and his appearance itself already screamed out who he was, the so-called Prince as they’d described him. She merely stared at him, unsure of how exactly to respond, was at a complete loss for words because of how unfathomable beautiful he was, and it made so much sense as to why she’d never stumbled upon anyone with an appearance matching his own if men of his like only existed in the past.

His eyebrows drew together when she didn’t answer. “All right, Princess?”

She sighed, because no matter how attractive this man claiming to be a prince was, she was not going to be swayed by these people, who were clearly delusional in their notions of sovereignty. “Look, I don’t know what you lot are on, but I’m not this Princess you make me out to be—”

He looked over to the blonde and brunette, who immediately took this as a cue to slip away, and, so it seemed, it was his turn to sigh now. “I know you don’t want to marry me, but—” He stopped, squinting his eyes at her as he scrutinised the state that she was in. “Princess, are you wet?”

“No, actually, this water materialised out of thin air,” she deadpanned, and upon his confused look, she felt a little bad for him, because it wasn’t his fault she was in this predicament, wasn’t his fault that she was in the wrong time period, wasn’t his fault that she’d taken control of the life of a princess in a past life, even if she wouldn’t admit it herself.

She watched as his eyes flew from her wet hair, then towards the pond, and then back at her, to which his eyebrows flew into his hair, lying beneath the shadows of his dark curly locks as he blinked at her. “Out of morbid curiosity, you didn’t attempt to drown yourself, did you?”

“I— what?”

“Princess—”

“I have a name, you know,” she interrupted, wanting to know what she was to be addressed as, and he nodded.

“Lily—”

“Lily?” she repeated, unable to conceive just how coincidental it was, that out of all the time periods she could have travelled back to, out of all the people who have lived and ever lived, with people of all names, she’d taken to taking over the life of a woman who shared her name, and she ignored the thud her heart made at how nicely the name had fallen out of his lips, the sound coming out smoother than glass.

“Yes,” he said slowly, as if she was going to interject once again, “Unless you’ve changed your name without my knowledge.”

“I haven’t, Louis,” she responded, knowing full well that that probably wasn’t at all his name, but when she thought back to any king of the past, her mind jumped back to King Louis IV, the Sun King, Bourbon King, that king.

He looked affronted. “My name is James.”

“Are you sure?” she replied, smiling coyly at the fact that he was so named after another famous ruler. Lovely. “I’d thought you’d changed your name without my knowledge.”

The ludicrosity that seemed to have formed on his face seemed to dissipate quickly at the realisation that she’d only been teasing him by using his own words, when really, she had wanted to slyly learn his name without seeming as if she was a case that needed to be taken to whatever this time’s equivalent of a mental institution was. He shook his head at her, that smile back on his face now.

“I’d almost forgotten how clever you are,” he said, a statement that did not require a response, and he instead reached his hand out to help her up, adding, “Only if you don’t mind taking my hand.”

She hesitantly put her hand in his, hoping that he didn’t pose a threat to her and felt warmth spread throughout her person, and at her full height, she could see just how much he towered over her, and he flashed her with that crooked grin of his, the top right corners of his lips gravitating upwards. “What?” she inquired when he did not say anything else.

He shook his head at her. “I can’t say. As much as I’m your betrothed, I feel that I don’t have the right to inform you of your apparent beauty.”

She couldn’t help the flush that had threatened to bloom over her cheeks, spreading like the pollen of a dandelion in the warm spring air, because this man, who she had only known for at most five minutes, was making her feel warmth in her heart that she didn’t know she could feel, for no one had ever made her feel this way before. “You just did.”

He cocked his head to the side, the edges of his lips quirking upwards. “It appears I have,” he agreed, “Your cheeks are redder than your hair.”

Her hand shot up to her hair, feeling the damp braids beneath her fingers, still very much secured around her hair, and she reached around to where the pins were holding them up, because surely she had to look completely different. She couldn’t look the same as she did from her time because how could people recognise her if she looked the same? Her hair came out loose, and she ignored the way in which his eyes widened at her actions, as if it was a bloody crime to walk around with loose hair.

She picked up a strand of her hair, and drawing it up close to her face, she nearly threw it down in frustration.

It was the same exact shade as the hair that she’d become familiar with seeing everyday when she looked into her mirror, and she rushed over to the water, staring at her reflection as her very own face looked back at her, looking terrified of this newfound discovery, causing at least a million more questions to form in her head about just what was happening.

This was all too strange to be reality, she thought, yet so fascinating. She pinched herself, testing to see if this truly was real or if she was dreaming and jumped when she felt pain shoot through herself, and she wondered if the universe had intended to send her back to this time for whatever reason, because this couldn’t at all be a random event, not when the weather was involved, not when she could make out the traces of emerald-coloured green in her reflection’s eyes.

His reflection appeared beside hers quickly, a ripple appearing in the water. “Er, Princess?” he asked her, frowning slightly, “All right there?”

No, she wasn’t all right.

She was in a time and place that she couldn’t even pinpoint, her only company being a man who she didn’t even know for sure that she could trust, and she was being mistaken for a bloody princess for goodness sake. The green of the grass wasn’t as green as how she was used to seeing it, a shade perhaps just a few tints off from the vivid green that frequented her vision, and the flowers that were growing in the hedge in the near distant were of a different species than she was used to smell, and undoubtedly if she were to go over to sniff their aromas right now, she’d smell something completely different than what she was used to.

Why would she be all right, when the only coherent emotions that she could truly understand were bewilderment and slight fear at the unfamiliarity of everything?

Obviously, she smiled like there wasn’t a torrential whirlwind that was her thoughts going on in her head. “Never been better.”

He smile widened attractively, and she wondered vaguely if the universe had sent her back solely because men of her own time were the lowest of the low, because she surely had never met anyone as attractive or irritatingly charming as he was, but no, that couldn’t be why. The universe surely would exist just to play matchmaker with her. If that had been the case— and it surely wasn’t— then they would have easily been born in the same time together.

There was no time for any more speculation, because she suddenly felt herself being placed atop the very same horse that he’d entered on and his presence right in front of her, the warmth emanating from his figure as if he was a fire. “What are you doing?”

He looked at her strangely, which, honestly, was a face that she was used to seeing. “Heading towards the castle? You nearly drowned right there.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him, “I inhaled water. I didn’t bloody get stabbed, Doctor James, M.D.”

He sighed. “Princess, I’ve much to believe that the reason as to why you had taken it upon yourself to drown is because you don’t want to marry me. Please, at least let me make sure that you are physically unharmed.”

She resigned, beginning to nod only to realise that he couldn’t see her, not when he was facing forward, and she sagged against his back, muttering, “All right.”

*****

Her irritation only seemed to grow more and more by the day.

She didn’t want to be here, and as horrible as Petunia was, she still longed to return home, to her parents, to Mary, and this castle just wasn’t for her, just didn’t give her the sense of homeliness that she longed for. It was much too overwhelming for her, Lily Evans, who had lived in a family where her parents made just enough for provide for her and her sister, and she couldn’t at all fathom how people could live in it without feeling overwhelmed by the grandeur of it all.

And the poor prince, who was obviously trying his absolute hardest to make sure that she didn’t accidentally purposely try to stab him to death, was terribly patient with her for a reason unbeknownst to her.

She’d forsaken her shoes— if one could even call them shoes— as well as her corset, James at least having the decency to turn around despite the dress being long enough to cover her as she threw the material somewhere in the dirt, and he had the audacity to look at her strangely, as if comfortableness was a construct that she be abolished. She was not about to let her poor organs shift under the weight and restrain of the bloody fabric, especially when she could give a rat’s arse about how small her waist was. Hello, she was a woman, not a mannequin to be ogled at. She was going to wear just whatever she fancied wearing.

The castle physician had told them that she was fine, to which she let out a sound of triumph towards James, and she all but marched out of the castle with him close on her tail, as if she was his responsibility. She might have been his betrothed, but she could manage everything on her own just well, thank you very much.

She sat down on a stone rather than on the bare grass, because she knew that the maids would wind up having to clean her clothes whether she liked it or not, and not getting any grass stains on the dress spared them at least some semblance of painstaking effort, though she did grant herself the liberty of burying her feet in the soft grass. He merely stared at her, as if the physician hadn’t taken into account that her state of mind would be out of whack from nearly drowning, but after a while, probably because he found it difficult to remain standing when she looked to be the epitome of comfort, he sat down on the stone beside her, being sure to leave a reasonable distance between them.

“You’re upset,” he observed, and her eye twitched slightly.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“As far as I’ve known, I’m fairly certain that I’m the person dictating what emotions I feel.”

“Lily, I— I know you don’t like me. Hell, you nearly drowned yourself because you hold ill-disguised feelings towards me—”

“I don’t not like you,” she interrupted him, “I don’t like this.”

“This?” he repeated, “What is ‘this’?”

“I’m a bloody princess,” she laughed in incredulity, and because he probably didn’t know what to else to do in this situation with her, he awkwardly laughed along, waiting for her to continue, “I just— You’re not going to believe me if I tell you the truth.”

“I reckon the fact that I’ve yet to throw you in the dungeons tells enough.”

“It’d look like treason if you were to throw me into the dungeons.”

“I— yes,” he agreed, “But what I am trying to saying is that I will believe you with whatever it is that you intend to tell me.”

She looked at him sceptically. “Promise you won’t throw me in the dungeons?”

He threw her a small, lopsided grin. “I’ll stay true to my word.”

She nodded, focusing her eyes on the ground, her foot playing with a tiny pebble nearby. “I’m not really the Princess.”

She felt his eyes on her. “Is that so?” he asked quietly. She nodded. “Sorry. I do believe you, only you’re exactly like the Princess. You have the exact same looks and personality, and—” His cheeks flushed red, and he cleared his throat, looking to say something completely differently from what he’d probably intended to say. “It’s hard to fathom, is all. I don’t believe you have bad intentions or that you’re an evil sorceress, but I’m glad that you trust me enough to tell me.”

Her shoulders drooped with relief because he didn’t think she was crazy, and if he did think she crazy, then he was at least kind enough to not say anything about her state of mind. “I— please don’t tell anyone.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I don’t even know how it happened myself.”

“I realised that.”

“Only that it happened during a solar eclipse, and I got pulled down water and ended up here instead.”

He blinked at her before nodding, taking her information in. She hoped that he wasn’t thinking about how completely insane she appeared to be. When he didn’t say anything else, apparently seeming to still process her words, he looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile. “I don’t think you’re mad, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not too far off from what you’ve said about not being the Princess.”

“I— thank you.”

They drifted into a comfortable silence, or perhaps it was uncomfortable for him, but she distracted herself by watching as her toes sifted through the grass, the tingling sensation growing as she kept at it. Perhaps he couldn’t take the silence anymore, because then he opened his mouth once again, saying, “Do you know what you’re planning to do now? And, is your name Lily, or is it something else? I’d rather not call you by something that you don’t prefer being called.”

“Lily’s my name. I was being truthful about that, but I honestly have no idea what to do. I— When was the wedding supposed to be?”

He grimaced at her question. “You won’t like the answer.”

“You know that doesn’t at all convince me to give it. It makes me want to know the answer even more.”

His eyes flickered towards her, and he heaved a big sigh. “It’s tomorrow.”

Laughter bubbled from her chest. “Oh, you’re hilarious, you Prince, you. That’s— oh god. I nearly thought you said—” She stopped, blinking once, then twice, then another time, and her head swiveled over in his direction, her eyes widening to nearly the size of her head. “Tomorrow?”

“I said you wouldn’t like the answer, didn’t I?”

“I— is that why you thought that I’d drowned myself earlier today?”

He nodded grimly. “I’m sorry, Lily,” he told her earnestly, and the manner in which he said it, with apology written all over his face, made her believe him, that this wasn’t a half-hearted attempt to make her feel better. She couldn’t at all believe the circumstances in which she was pulled into, because to be brought back in time as a member of royalty was inconceivable enough, but to have that happen with the fact that she was to be wed to a man that she hardly knew the next day was absolutely surreal, strange, terrifying. “I don’t know how it happened, and I know you probably wanted to marry for love, that is, if you ever wanted to get married. I’m sorry you’ve no other choice, and if it was up to me, I’d make sure that we not get married if it made you happier—”

“I’ll do it,” she cut him off, and it was his turn to be taken by surprise.

“Sorry?”

Sorry was indeed the right reaction. When had she decided…?

Perhaps it was the fact that he looked so uncomfortable talking about a decision where they both had no say in and she’d taken pity upon the poor man, but perhaps there was also the fact that it might have possibly been fun to be married to— No, what was she saying?

“Like you said, we don’t really have much of a choice, do we? And I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, if I’m not stuck here forever, but I think I should help your kingdom somehow. This marriage will create an alliance, will it?”

Was that what she was saying? She honestly had no idea.

“Yes, but you are completely fine with it, are you?” he asked her in concern, “I don’t want you to drown yourself because you hate it. I want you to know that you have a choice. There’s also the possibility that you— I, well, I reckon it’s easier if I show you.”

“Show me… what?” His penis?

“I’ve got a book in my bedroom, and I swear I’ve no ulterior motives. It has stories of soulmates— don’t know if you believe in that sort of stuff, though. I— see, it explains that every person has an infinite amount of lifetimes that they will spend with the same person each life, and I think that might give you some solace in the fact that you’ll maybe go back to your own time and meet your soulmate. You’ll forget about good old me, your soon-to-be first husband, and move on to your real love in another life. But as for now, I hope to at least be a good husband to you.”

Her eyes softened at his admission. “Thank you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything, and—”

“Thank you for not making fun of me.”

He smiled kindly at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the expression on his face. “‘Course. I don’t see why I would do that to you. You’re going through enough as it is.”

And for that, she appreciates his gestures.

*****

The marriage had been quite the formal event, given the giant crowd that had amassed to watch their wedding. A wedding. At nineteen years old. Well.

She’d never imagined marrying this young, but then again, she’d never expected for any of this to happen to her. She didn’t think that she’d be holding hands with someone so soon, especially not with someone who she’d walk down the aisle with. This wasn’t real, she reminded herself— well, it wasn’t genuinely real, their love was. They couldn’t have something that didn’t exist, and perhaps a marriage with a man, who hopefully wasn’t one of those horrendous unpredictable men, was better than a life in the dungeons.

She was sent here for a reason— whatever reason unbeknownst to her— and obviously if the universe had deliberately sent her here out of all places, perhaps marriage was the first task that she’d have to accomplish.

The mere fact that she looked and acted exactly like the princess whose life she’d taken over was quite terrifying, meaning that the universe either replicated people over time— a simple copy and paste over a few centuries should do the trick— or past lives were a real occurence, and she had happened to end up back in a time where her past life had existed. If the latter was true, then she quite fancied the notion that she used to be a princess, even if she didn’t have any memories of ever being royal until a mere few hours ago, when she’d been put in the position of one.

The two castle maids, who she didn’t at all like to refer to them as since Alice and Dorcas worked completely fine, had helped her into the wedding gown, which, she supposed truly was beautiful, with its ivory lace cascading like a waterfall over the bodice and down the actual gown, though it had taken much convincing for her to squeeze into another one of those cursed corsets. She genuinely hoped that her organs remained intact by the end of the day, if she could manage to keep it there for that long, but she’d like to think that she was strong enough to endure it. If she could bloody withstand nearly a week of pain for practically the entirety of her lifetime, she was sure she could endure voluntary pain.

And James— soon to be King James, this James who did not write any new additions to the Bible— looked quite handsome, more than handsome, in his wedding attire, and if looks were a major prerequisite in who she deemed the love of her life, then he was most definitely the love of her life, what with his tousled hair that had still somehow made him a million times more attractive and his suit, embellished with intricate designs that probably cost more than her modern lifetime was worth.

Unfortunately— or perhaps fortunately— she did not date based solely on looks, though she’d much prefer if a man was at least decent looking, not exactly wanting to kiss a pair of lips that belonged to any unattractive man, in both the figurative and literal sense, if she even got that far with someone.

When they’d said their wedding vows, which was quite the difference from what she was accustomed to back in her real time and had only really included them agreeing to everything that the minister was saying, they were told to seal their vows off with a kiss, which, honestly, she should have expected. It brought her back to her other point about kissing briefly, but he’d leaned forward not too soon after, his eyes asking for her consent before she nodded smally. He smiled softly at her, pressing his lips against hers, though not for too long.

The length of the kiss didn’t matter though. How could it matter, when he’d so obviously invested in this time’s equivalent to chapstick, his lips so soft and lush against hers, but more importantly, when his touch had sent warmth, fire, throughout her body, starting from her lips to every other part of her, and she nearly, almost, thought that she was getting married to a man that she loved, because no one had most definitely made her feel this way from just a kiss.

The cheers from the crowds pulled them apart, and she snapped out of it, pulling away, but not too harshly to the point that someone would notice her haste to get away from him. She’d nearly missed the manner in which his face had been contorted, twisted together as if he was confused by something, but it quickly shifted to content, almost as if he hadn’t been taken aback in the first place.

If he could be nonplussed about it, she could be as well.

It was easier said than done.

*****

“The roses are as red as your hair,” he pointed out one day as they walked through the gardens together, his hands in his pockets rather than intertwined with hers, despite the new title that they carried with one another. It was probably for the better, anyway, because it was a bit awkward already with her having no chance but to move into his bedroom, though he’d been insistent that she take the bed and he the small lounge chair. She argued back that he had loads of empty bedrooms in the castle, and it wouldn’t at all hurt for her to just move in across the room or stay in the room that she’d taken to staying in the night before their marriage.

Obviously, their argument led to both of them sharing the bed together, because the grand size of it was more than enough to bed an entire family of dwarfs without any discomfort on any of their ends.

“You’re going to be a bit more original if you want to flatter me.”

“Why? We’re already married.”

“Married, not in love,” she pointed out, and she felt a small burst of victory at the way his lip had twitched in response. He leaned down to the flowers, pinching the stem with his fingers, careful not to prick himself on one of the thorns, and he managed to procure a rose, still fully intact, holding it out to her.

“Is your heart fluttering, my love?” he asked her, and she didn’t want to satisfy him, didn’t want him to know that her heart wasn’t merely fluttering but was blowing at approximately 156 miles per hour, almost the exact speed of that of a category 5 hurricane. She told herself that he was only using the dear phrase ironically, but to see an attractive man holding an equally beautiful flower out to her was nearly enough to just send chillpricks down her spine.

“‘Is your garden all right?’ is the real question,” she retorted, though she still accepted the flower from his hand. She’d have put it in her hair if it didn’t blend in with the colour, and what honestly was the point if one couldn’t see the work of nature? “You’ve killed this flower, you have.”

“There’s loads of opportunities for it to get replaced. The way that I see it, nature still carries on, and the next bunch will be as equally nice.”

“You’re getting quite poetic, you know,” she chirped, “Is it a course you’re required to take as a prince?”

“Flattering beautiful women?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

She snorted. “If that’s a course, then I’d say you’ve failed.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, big time.”

“I’m sorry. I’d thought I’d passed because I ended up marrying the prettiest woman in this kingdom. World, even,” he apologised, though he had absolutely no reason to be, and the amusement in his tone told her that he was well aware of that fact as well. He held his hand out to her, and she merely looked at it, confused as to what he was insinuating. “Shall we continue onwards?”

She continued staring at his hand, the offending hand that had plucked a rose just for her to scorn at, and when she didn’t reach out, he sighed, stuffing it back into his pocket before walking forward without waiting for her. “Oi!” she called out, and he stopped, turning around to look at her with a small pleased expression on his face, “You can’t just drop a compliment to me and then leave. That’s not very chivalrous of someone as noble as you are.”

With that, she pulled his hand out of his pocket, slapping her hand into his and squeezing it tightly, out of emphasis more than anything else. “Then, would you say that I have passed my class of courting women?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied nonchalantly as they resumed walking, “I’d even say you’re top of your class.”

“Is that the case?”

She made a sound of agreement. “Considering the fact that you’d essentially be the only pupil, yes.”

He sighed dramatically, unclasping their hands so that he could clutch his heart. “Oh, you wound me, my love.”

“I suppose that means that you’ve also failed your defense classes.”

“Oh, not I,” he refuted, having taken to holding her hand once again and consequently filling her heart with flowers nearly akin to the bright red roses decorating the walkways of the castle grounds, “I merely let you defeat me this round.”

“And if we were to battle without going easy on the other?”

“Your question implies that you truly don’t know the outcome of such an event.”

“I’d like to know your take on it.”

“The answer is quite obvious.”

“To an opinionated question?” she retorted, stifling a snort, “Oh, yes. Please, enlighten the slow thinkers.”

His lips quirked upwards, and he zeroed in on her face, close enough so that if he were to exhale an obnoxious breath right onto her, she’d feel every single particle of his breath on her face. “I’d win.”

This time, she did snort, and the atmosphere had been ruined so much by his response that she probably should have expected— she did expect it really, and if not, then he would have said something along the lines of how he’d never not give up the opportunity to let her win to gain her favour. It caused her to drop her hand from his, and it flew up to her mouth instead, hiding her smile as she laughed at his ridiculousness. “I don’t doubt that you’ve all the brawn and brute, but god, I just—”

She couldn’t finish her sentence, laughing even more at his response, not out of rudeness, but more out of the fact that it was just so him, this man that she’d only known for the most of a week, this man that she was bloody married to, whether she liked it or not, and the situation felt all the better when he joined in with her, with his eyes crinkling and shining and lips drawn upwards to reveal the dimple on his right cheek. He looked victorious in having been able to draw such a reaction from her, and with that, it only served to make him look so much more attractive than he already was, because there was something so beautiful about how a genuine smile could enhance a person’s features so much.

When their laughter died down, his smile remained, and his gaze upon her held curiosity as if it was difficult to pull away from her face, his honey-coloured eyes gleaming. Each time that he tried to pry his smile from his face, it only bounced back as if it were a magnet drawn towards her. “Princess.”

“Lily,” she corrected him, and he nodded easily.

“Lily,” he said, and the next words that fell out his lips came out rushed, as if they were kayaking in turbulent waters. “May I kiss you? Only there’s something so captivating about the way you smile, and I’d feel as if my heart might deflate if I couldn’t give you at least one genuine kiss.”

She felt herself swallowing at his admission, because there was something so sincere in his words, which were so swirling with apprehension that he’d be shot down, that she couldn’t even pull herself to turning him down even if she didn’t want to kiss him, and heaven knows that she would be an absolute idiot to tell him no.

Her mind flashed back to the fairytales that she’d read as a child, the magic ever so present in the air when she read the expected ‘happily ever after’ near the end of the story, where she was filled with content knowing that all of the actions of the princess had not been all for naught. It was strange now to be put in a similar situation, with the prince’s desires all balled up in the hopes that she told him the simple, three-lettered word that would change everything between them.

“What?” she said instead, blinking up at him.

No, no, no. This was not the word she was supposed to say. It was one letter too many, and right now, they could have been—

No.

She could still fix this, could still secure that momentary happily ever after, that momentary happy for now, because there was no denying the feelings that she held for him. She laughed at the movies where the two main characters had fallen all too easily for one another, had scorned them, having thought that this was far too unrealistic to ever happen to anyone, yet alone her, a romantic at heart and at soul, despite never having really found the one person to stand beside in times of comfort and need.

But it couldn’t be helped now, her feelings that was. Perhaps she’d been sent back to this time because she’d easily been born in the wrong time and place, or maybe this was all a fluke, that the universe hadn’t at all intended for her to be taken back by a few centuries.

Oh, what did it matter?

She wanted to kiss him. She’d be lying to herself and the universe if she said that she hadn’t thought about how soft his lips felt or how she most definitely had not dreamed about him, even though physically he was beside her when all of these unconscious experiences had manifested in her mind. He was sweet and charming and shared her sense of humour, not to mention just how undeniable beautiful he was.

She cleared her throat. “Yes. You can kiss me. Please,” she added, just as an afterthought, and his eyes, which had been widened at her abrupt response, seemed to shine even brighter, and the sensations which she’d been thinking of for nearly the past week had come to her once again as soon as his lips has fallen onto hers, his hands cupping her chin gently.

His lips tasted of sugar, were sweet as sugar, and the rose in her hand fell to the ground, though she did not pay it much heed, knowing that he’d continue to pluck more from the bushes surrounding them as he deemed fit. His hands flew up to her hair, pulled into a nice, neat plait, and she heard the sounds of an hour of work on her hair being thrown to the dust, the pins falling to the ground as he undid it, threading his fingers— rough yet gentle— through her loosened strands before his hands returned to her face, tracing her cheeks as if he were mesmerised by them, by her.

It was absolutely nothing compared to their wedding kids that they’d share, because now, they had no audience to watch, no one to see just how nearly passionate they were together. It was as if the moon collided with the sun, fell right against him, yet rather than darkness that would fall upon the world, their connection sent sunshine all around, as if this was all meant to be, as if he universe had made it so that they were supposed to meet, only except she’d been born in the wrong time and this was the only way for them to ever come across one another.

Perhaps, perhaps, they were soulmates, two parts that made up one, just as the sun and the moon came together in times of an eclipse, drawing astonishment from the collective world because of just how perfectly they seemed to fit with one another.

And maybe she was exaggerating it just a bit— after all, they’d only known each other for such a short time— but, of course, her feelings could really be summed up with the fact that she didn’t want this kiss to end, didn’t want him to pull away just yet, just ever.

Like all good things though, it had to come to an end, though she hoped there would be many more, and—

Wait.

No.

There couldn’t be more, and she couldn’t at all remember the last time a man had given her such irrational thoughts, because returning to her own real time was so much more important than how bloody sweet his lips tasted or just how soft his hair felt beneath her fingertips as they thrummed through the motions of such a moment. It didn’t— shouldn’t— matter just how warm he made her feel, sending a fiery sensation throughout her body, tiptoeing to every one of her vital organs and setting them aflame.

She had to go back, and he was well aware of the fact that she didn’t belong her just as much she understood that mere fact, meaning that this was quite possibly the worst decision she’d ever made in her life, but—

Oh, who was she kidding? This was most definitely not the worst of her many mistakes, wasn’t even a mistake, really, not when he was just so good at what he was doing, and when she felt him pulling away, she pulled him right back, her lips curving upwards when he didn’t protest her actions.

“Lily,” he murmured, and she hummed in response, feeling his lips leave hers, “Are we perhaps going a bit too far?”

“People kiss all the time,” she replied, and from the look on his face, she quickly added, “From what I’m used to seeing, I mean.”

“But, what about…?” he asked, trailing off, and he blinked at her, his eyebrows drawing together adorably in confusion as his eyes diverted up from her face up to her hair as he reached out for the strands. “Did I do this?”

“It’s more of what you undid, really,” she said, smiling lightly as she ran her fingers through the waves, feeling a few knots as she made her way downwards. He looked at her in disbelief, as if he wasn’t quite sure if she truly was fine with what he had done, but then he reflected her smile, an easy-going smile that went well with the roses surrounding his image as she saw him.

“It’s pretty. You’re pretty. No, beautiful. If you’ve any synonyms that bring your appearance more justice, do tell. ‘Beautiful’ doesn’t even fully describe how beautiful you are.”

She felt her cheeks redden at his admission. “I suppose your words do make my face turn as red as the roses.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, my love. You’re just as lovely as the roses.”

His words only served to brighten the red on her cheeks, and she pulled him down to her height once more.

*****

The week turned into weeks, and then months, and with each passing day, with each passing second, she felt her feelings turning into something real, yet almost so out of this world that she couldn’t possibly fathom just how strongly she felt towards James, this man, who was quite possibly so imperfectly perfect that he couldn’t truly be real.

And falling in love with him was just as easy as loving the roses created to fill the world with just a bit more beauty, with just the desire to send more happiness throughout the world, especially when the sight of such brought delight to the faces of those who were lovely enough to receive them in dozens. He filled her world with his beauty and his ability to easily bring a smile to her face, whether it was from his ostentatious declarations or his humorous words, it did not matter, because he was such a joy in her world that it was bleak to think of without him.

She didn’t want to think about returning home.

It was a topic that they both avoided, because she knew that he knew that she didn’t want to talk about it, and he respected her enough to not bring it up to her, not until she was ready to bring it up herself.

They had been walking over the bridge, the very same one that overlooked the pond that had brought her to this place— the kingdom of Gryffindor—, with her arms strung around his, a sure tell sign to the rest of the kingdom of just how very well they felt towards one another, if their other unsubtle displays of affection didn’t already show it.

“There is a solar eclipse tonight,” he told her, “Do you think it would bring you back?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, “I haven’t thought of it.”

“I know that this is completely wrong of me to say, but would it change anything to tell you that I don’t want you to go?”

She shook her head. “It’s completely understandable. I don’t want to leave you. I— I don’t even know what will happen. Will anything even happen? What if I leave you alone for the rest of your—“

He cut her off with a kiss, a slow, loving kiss that seemed to melt all her worries away, even if just for a small given moment. “Please don’t entertain that thought. Let’s cherish this time together. I know you can’t stay here forever.”

She took a deep breath, smiling softly at him, memorising every inch of his features, knowing that this might very well be the last time she’d ever make contact with the golden sequins that were his eyes or feel his warm embrace, so warm that he was practically the sun to her moon, shining so bright that all she could do is reflect his light to the best of her abilities in an attempt to pay tribute to his brilliance. “James—”

He cut her off by securing his arms around her, holding her in a tight embrace, and she didn’t want him to let go, not now, not ever. He rested his chin on her shoulder, telling her softly, “A lot of things are uncertain. We could have been in love 100 years ago. We could be in love 100 years from now. We don’t know that, but what I do know is that right now, I am so in love with you, Lily. I will always be in love with you.”

She froze in his arms, though inside of her, she felt just about every single inch of her bursting with movement, what with the manner in which her heart was racing and her lungs so in need of air, because his words echoed within her, a drum that proclaimed that he felt just as strongly as she felt towards him. And each heartbeat of hers measured the time that passed between his words and her silence, and she felt tears stinging her eyes, her arms gripping him tighter as she buried her face into his chest, a place that she’d found to be her comfort as of late.

She felt like such an idiot, because any rational person would know that it was absolutely idiotic to fall for someone who they couldn’t have, or at least for a person who was born centuries before, in a time that was completely far off from one’s own time, yet here she was, so in love that it was hard to breathe, hard to completely process every thought that struck her as she looked at him.

He felt her shaking slightly, she could tell, because he suddenly reached up to wipe at her eyes, “Don’t cry, my love,” he told her gently, and her heart nearly burst, because she would most likely never hear those endearing terms of affection from him, from anyone, ever again, and he had raised the bar so high that she’d never find anyone else, not that she wanted to find anyone else. “We’re soulmates, remember?”

“Are we?” she asked, sniffling lightly, “I don’t believe we’ve established that.”

He didn’t take her words seriously though, just as she knew that he wouldn’t, and he smiled at her, pulling away from her to press a kiss on her lips, one too was far too quick for her to respond to, but before she could deepen it, he retracted from her. “Say that we’re soulmates.”

“The universe’s decision to drop me off in front of your castle does not constitute us as soulmates.”

“It does.”

“It does not.”

“So you are saying we’re soulmates?” he asked her, and she looked at him with an eyebrow raised, her eyes narrowed slightly before softening quickly at the sight of him.

“Yes,” she answered, and he laughed, reaching forward to press another kiss on her lips. She was overcome with a feeling, a feeling of what felt like bliss mixed in with something else, as he deepened the kiss, her hands tracing his face and her eyes closed. It quite possibly looked to be the most perfect moment of her life, with them standing over the bridge overlooking the mysterious waters, a serene and tranquil scene, with both of them not knowing that at that very moment, the water was reflecting the passing of the moon over the sun, blocking nearly all light from reaching the surface of the earth.

She didn’t think that this would be the last second she’d ever spend with him.

It was the very last thought that raced through her mind as she felt all energy seep from her bones and dissipate into the air. She hadn’t gotten the opportunity to tell him that she loved him, no matter how much she knew that he knew the true extent of her feelings, because words gave power to meanings, and she had to say it, had to, but then her eyes flew shut, and—

She felt herself collapsing into his arms, a soft thud that was undoubtedly nothing compared to how heavy she felt their hearts sink.

*****

She felt herself coughing up water, and she knew that there was really only one logical explanation as to what had just happened to her, but she still didn’t want to open her eyes, because to open her eyes would mean that she wouldn’t see him anywhere in her sight.

Still, she braced herself, her eyes opening slowly, only to be greeted by the sun, glaring brightly at her, such a juxtaposition to the pain within her that only made her heart pang, a soft reminder of how much she’d compared him to the sun, and the moon, which was far from the sun now, was a sure-tell sign that the eclipse had come to an abrupt end.

He was gone.

He wasn’t anywhere in the crowds that had gathered around her, curious to see who had somehow managed to nearly drown during a time of a solar eclipse— a phenomenon that happened just as often as one met the love of their lives— and had also somehow managed to take their eyes off of said eclipse. She’d looked not once, not twice, but three times for him, and she’d strained her ears in hopes that he would call out to her using the cursed phrase that never failed to make her heart fly, that wonderfully wretched ‘My love,’ but he wasn’t there, wasn’t anywhere.

She wondered if he felt as lonely as she felt right now, even with all of these people surrounding her, but she pushed that thought to the side, if just temporarily, because she was greeted with the sight of her family, her family that she hadn’t seen in so long, and perhaps, she would be able to move on from him, her first love, with the passing of time.

Soulmates, he had said— they had said.

She remembered the book that he’d so brought up to her, one with a scarlet red spine with the title Eternally Bonded, but she’d never so once as picked it up, never having the need to because he’d described enough of it to her for her to completely visualize it. Now though, she needed to find this book to get closure from it more than anything else, because she couldn’t very well tell anyone about what she had gone through in those seeming ten minutes— ten minutes that had actually turned out to be four months— that she’d been away.

She didn’t want to entertain the fact that it could have been a dream. It couldn’t have been a dream, because it felt so vivid and real that she couldn’t have possibly conjured up such images, couldn’t have possibly fallen in love with a figment of her own imagination.

He was real, and that book would prove it to her. She had to find it, quickly, because each morning, she’d slowly but surely wake up with one less detail about him forgotten. She didn’t want to forget about him, and so she’d ventured to the library in search of answers.

She needed to know his fate, couldn’t even ring him up to ask because he wasn’t there to answer.

It led her to a visit to the only place in the world with the answers.

The library was quiet, a peaceful atmosphere that only served to increase the surge of thoughts about him flowing through her head, as she very well didn’t have a distraction to occupy her mind, and a quick search in showed that the library did indeed have a copy of the original book, directing her to the history section.

Luck, as she had it, would of course place the book at the very top shelf, the only shelf that she couldn’t reach because she had not been blessed with height, and she wouldn’t have been mad, knowing that practically nobody in search of a good read came to the library to read history, had it not been for the fact that the answer that she’d so desperately searched for was right there, out of her reach.

“Someone looks like they’re having some trouble there,” a voice said behind her, and she jumped about a foot or two off of the ground at the suddenness, though there was something so familiar about the voice that she couldn’t help but to turn around, the sight of such causing her heart to lurch, causing her to remember the exact shade of his eyes, lovely and golden and brown, a detail that she shamed herself in forgetting.

He was right there, not in his royal wear, but in a green hoodie and square glasses, staring at her with amusement written all over his face, and she wanted to cry, wanted to laugh because he was there. “James—”

He blinked at her, amusement turning into confusion. “I— yeah, that’d be my name. Dunno how you know it, but yeah. That’d be it.” He looked at her strangely, easily reaching up to take the book that she so seeked, but before she could take it from his hands and thank him, he read the description of it on the book aloud. “You actually buy this soulmate crap? Sounds like a load of rubbish, if you ask me.”

If she hadn’t physically fallen upon her knees, then her heart was kicked to the curb instead.

This wasn’t him, wasn’t her James, no matter how much he looked like him, how much he sounded like him, because her James was a strong believer in fate, and her heart hung heavier than it did the past week at the realisation that she would never see him again. She tried to snatch the book from his hands, but he was much taller than her, so much to the point that she didn’t stand a chance in retrieving it from him. “Right, I believe that it’s a load of rubbish to be insulting the interests of someone you don’t even know.”

“Is that how you feel?” he responded, his lips quirking upwards, and she merely raised an eyebrow at him. He stuck out the hand that wasn’t holding the book out to her, saying, “I’d tell you my name, but apparently you already know it.”

She scrutinised his hand, though she didn’t shake it, folding her arms instead. “Lily Evans.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, “We’re not so much as strangers now, are we?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied dryly, “I’d even consider us friends if you let me—” She made another attempt to take the book from his books but failed, his arm pulling upwards at the last second to keep her from taking it. “—Have the bloody book.”

It was quite terrifying at the fact that he looked so much like him, was a carbon copy of her James and shared his name, the only real difference being that he wasn’t as this cocky as she’d remembered him to be, but at her frustration, he smiled, a smile that was just so him, a smile that brought warmth to her heart, a wonder that she would later marvel at. Right now, though, she was irritated by him, and so she took it upon herself to shift all of her weight onto a foot, stepping on his shoe, to which he let out a small yelp, and when his grip on the book loosened, she pried it from his fingers, letting out a quick apology before leaving him.

It wasn’t long until she’d settled down at a table when he decided to occupy the next seat right beside her, similar to a persistent bug whose goal was to annoy her to no end.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

“Goes to say a lot if I’ve taken to hanging out in a bloody library, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sure when this library was built its creators had much better purposes in mind rather than to let people chat up strangers.”

“You’ve forgotten one small fact,” he brought up, the corner of his lip rising, “We’re not strangers.”

“Right, because knowing someone’s name makes you perfectly knowledgeable about them.”

“Precisely,” he grinned, and he picked up the book from her, not out of her reach, but just enough to examine it, “You think it’s weird that this was in the history section, though? I’d have expected it to be of the Lord of the Rings genre, fantasy and all of that.”

“I heard you the first time you called the concept of soulmates rubbish. Just because you don’t believe in love—”

“I said I didn’t believe in soulmates, not love.”

She scoffed at him, flipping open the book, and hypocrisy seemed to be looking at her directly in the eye when he leaned over to get a view of the pages. “You seem quite interested for someone who doesn’t believe in the contents of this book.”

“‘Course I’m interested,” he replied easily, shooting her a grin, and she tried her hardest to not grimace at him, because it shouldn’t— doesn’t— matter how much he looked and sounded like her love. Her heart should not flutter at his words; it’d been much too short for her to have such a reaction from someone else, no matter the technicalities that held that it had been centuries since she’d been with her love, no matter the fact that she had to move on.

She flipped open the page rather than saying a word to him. He at least had the mind to not say anything else, though he’d moved the book over so that he could get a good view of the pages, and she resigned, letting him read along with her so as to keep him quiet, but her hopes were thrown to the dust, because of course he was one of the types to always have something to say.

“As the world would have it, soulmates cannot live in a world without the other. In such cases, the universe may work to bring them together, just as the sun and the moon align in three dimensions,” he read, and he scoffed, opening his mouth to add a comment, but she quickly cut him off.

“Where do you see that?” she asked, because she’d only just finished reading the first page, and nowhere did it say anything about an eclipse.

“Right here,” he said, tapping the part that she’d yet to read, and she wondered how he was able to read so quickly, unless he’d taken to skimming, but from his manner, she had a feeling that he was reading it word-for-word, bit-by-bit in order to scour every piece of information he could get just to prove his argument. “Are you telling me that you really think this is legitimate? It’s about as believable as astrology.”

“That’s rich coming from you. I’m surprised you haven’t asked for my birthday to check our compatibility.”

He grinned at her. “If you wanted to know my birthday, you could have just asked, Evans.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

Her eyes continued flying over the page, ignoring the rush that her heart got from their banter, and as he drummed his fingers against the table, she could tell that he was waiting for her to finish reading.

There has never been an instance where two souls have been separated from one another through life and death. They will always unite in their next life.

Those mere lines caused her to heart to thrum out with hope, that she hadn’t left him alone by himself, hadn’t merely brought feeling to his heart only for her to squash it down, because if these lines were true, then she hadn’t left him, not really, if the universe had a way of making two people eternally happy upon meeting one another. She’d probably left the boy sitting beside her terrified, because the change in her disposition was so sudden, so quick to change, that anyone would have been startled by her.

It had meant that she was to be united with him once again.

And as she turned around to face him, feeling stars in her eyes and in her heart, it was as if the revelation had impaired her vision, because the way he was looking at her made her heart fill with love, a look that was so strikingly identical to that of her love’s that it terrified her. His gaze seemed to be burning a hole into her, so intense that she couldn’t help but shiver, an action that snapped him out of it as he cocked an eyebrow at her.

That moment, seemingly, was short-lasting.

“You cold?” he asked her, and before she could answer, without any hesitation, he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, handing it out to her as the bulges in his arms were revealed, “Here.”

“I’m not cold,” she said stubbornly, but he didn’t appear to believe her, his arm still spread out towards her.

“Don’t make me force this onto you.”

“I hope you realise that even if I was cold, I wouldn’t accept it. We’re not close like that,” she replied, and, as an afterthought, she added, “And wouldn’t that just make you cold?”

“Nah. I don’t get cold.”

“The hairs standing up on your arms say otherwise.”

“You must be staring pretty hard to notice my arm hairs.”

“I’ve got to look somewhere if a certain someone is keeping me from staring at these pages.”

“I’m doing you a favour by keeping you from reading.”

“You’ve been reading with me,” she pointed out, “For whatever reason that’s beyond me.”

He flashed her a lopsided smile, placing his arm with his sweatshirt down on the table. “Right? I dunno. It’s just— you look so bloody familiar to me and I don’t even know why.”

“I’m sure it’s because you’ve seen loads of redheads with green eyes around.”

He shook his head. “Not any as pretty as you. Sorry. Is that too forward of me?”

“I kind of got that some forwardness when you told me you were interested in me,” she deadpanned, though it didn’t at all mean that his words didn’t send a torrent of feelings to her heart, because they most definitely had, and she wanted to think it was all because of how much he looked like her love, but the small part of her knew that that wasn’t the case, that there was some deeper meaning.

She knew that it couldn’t just be coincidence that she’d stumbled upon someone who looked exactly like her James, sounded exactly like her James, had the same name as her James, especially when it had so happened that the same exact event had occurred before, where the Prince had found her to be the exact copy of the Princess whose life she’d temporarily taken over.

And it made her brain hurt to think about, but when forced to ponder her situation, she had to endure the pain, had to unlock the mystery surrounding the concept of soulmates, because the contents of this book was true, had to be true if its words were specifically describing what she’d gone through. If such was the case— no, no ifs, because it most definitely was the case— then it’d meant that her soul had gone back to the time where her past self had nearly died to fix the gap in time in which a soul was nearly about to walk this earth without its other half.

It had so happened that her soulmate had exchanged his rich fabrics for a comfortable hoodie that he was now offering to her as well as, apparently, a look of concern when she didn’t respond to whatever it was that he had to say, something that was most likely intended to work her nerves— the kind of annoyance that made her want to both roll her eyes until they fell out of her head while also laughing at his antics.

“Lily?” he asked her, and she blinked at him, his eyes filled with concern.

“I— sorry. What was it?”

He smiled at her and, of course, as she should have expected, he said, “I’m still offering up my sweatshirt if you want to wear it.”

“Oh, unfortunately, I’ve yet to change my mind in these past five minutes concerning sweatshirt offers.”

“Sweatshirts are bloody great and all, but you know,” he started, sighing loudly as he leaned back in his chair, “Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.”

She stopped in her tracks, turning towards him, “Oh?”

“Yeah. I’d literally die to wear giant hoop skirts of the Elizabethan period,” he said seriously without any semblance of humour except for that small smile begging to grow on his face, and she scoffed at him.

She nearly reached over to take that hoodie from his hands, even if just to shut him up.

Nearly.

*****

The soft squeaks of her boots against the wet pavement filled the air as the sky, which had been giving way to the clouds swirling in the sky, was nowhere to be seen, and in its memory were the droplets of rain coming down upon the ground.

She hadn’t really made any plans to leave the house that day, knowing that the weather forecast warned her of the impending doom that was to be the rain, but it was the day that her book was to be due and she’d had no other choice but to renew it, not exactly wanting to let go of the entire concept of soulmates right away.

It was probably not one of the best outfits to parade out in public with— wellies and an oversized tee was an insinuation that she was making no effort to look presentable— but then again, it wasn’t as if anyone was to see her, wasn’t as if she was even trying to impress anyone. She’d have thrown on a rain jacket if it was the cold sort of rain, but, because of the lovely geographic location of London each day, it was not. A jacket and the hot weather were not to be mixed with, no matter the current fashions trends.

She made her way in and out of the library, the librarian in charge thankfully not judging her for her wear, or, perhaps a better way to put it was not visibly judging her, but it didn’t matter altogether because she’d come to the library too often to not know all of the workers by name, and this woman was a kind saint named Margaret, who did not comment on her attire. She was sure she’d come in this heavenly place in much worse wear, so it was nothing less than a surprise, really.

And it was easy enough, a simple few-step procedure that should have taken the most of thirty minutes that accounted for the time coming and going, but, because the universe tended to gravitate towards making the simplest matters into that of an incomprehension complexity, she’d been far too optimistic about the prospects of the very near future.

If she’d only continued to look straight ahead, no glances to the sides whatsoever, she wouldn’t have seen a head of black with water dripping down, making large splashes onto his sweatshirt and onto the ground, acting as if his mere appearance wasn’t sending chills to her heart. Idiot, she thought, because why was he wearing that when it was so clearly raining outside, when the rich material looked as if it was easy to ruin from exposure to rain, when he was so clearly wet from the weather, not even an umbrella in sight as he stood there commiserating with the depressing forces of nature.

“Ja— Potter,” she called out, and he looked up from his phone, his eyes snapping up towards her, looking so nearly akin to a lost puppy, though his expression quickly shifted as he caught sight of her, slipping his phone into his pocket as if it wouldn’t just make it wet as he was.

They’d made loads of encounters beforehand, seeing each other at least twice a week, and even though it took some time, he’d managed to chip away at her exterior, much to her chagrin. She couldn’t believe her resolves had been worn away just like that because he was so irritatingly himself, and she couldn’t at all bring herself to resist him.

“Lily,” he responded, an easygoing smile falling onto his face, and his hand flew up to pull his hair off of his face, walking towards her and stopping once he’d left a reasonable distance between them. He tapped at her book. “Not the best idea to get something so susceptible to the rain, is it?”

She shrugged lightly, tucking her loose hair behind her ears. “I’m sure if this book can withstand centuries of wear and tear, a little summer rain won’t do too much damage.”

“Is that what you call it?” he asked her, and he tugged at his sweatshirt to emphasize his words, “Don’t know what you’ve gone through, but I think this constitutes as more than just ‘summer rain’, as you so put it.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you’ve no umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you do have an umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“Oh, but of course,” she replied, fighting a small smile, “How else can I protect myself from the rain?”

“Easy. Stay indoors,” he said, and she was nearly about to point out the hypocrisy in his statement, but the way he was smiling widely at her showed that he absolutely knew the implications of his words. She shoved the umbrella into his arms, and he was easily taken by surprise at her brash actions. “You don’t expect me to take this, do you?”

“I don’t expect you to act all high and noble, Prince James,” she shot back, “I don’t want you getting more wet than you already are. You’ll catch a cold.”

“This may be hard to realise, but I’m already wet. Very wet, actually, if you couldn’t discern from the fact that it looks like I’ve literally stepped out of the shower in my clothes.”

“I— why didn’t you bring an umbrella?” she asked him, ignoring his tongue-in-cheek response.

He shrugged. “You’d laugh.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You’re right,” he sighed dramatically, “You’ve so obviously been holding in laughter from the very start since we’ve met, and all I’ve wanted was to make you smile.” She nearly began to respond when he put his hand up. “You know that saying, ‘Time goes by when you’re having fun?’” She nodded. “I reckon I had a bit too much fun in the library. Went in there at opening hours to study because my mum sort of owns it on the side and it’d be a waste if it was forsaken. My arse didn’t pay attention to the weather forecast, and… yeah. I got wet because I thought I could make it home, but obviously that didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.”

“Your mum…” she started, trailing off as the words processed in her mind. “Sorry. I— no, that’s not a matter to laugh at. It’s— it’s cute, actually.”

“What, my mum owning a library?” he asked with amusement.

“No,” she huffed, not able to fully understand why she was so attracted to him. “The studying bit is cute.”

“Ah, that’s only because I go so early in hopes that you’ll come in.”

Oh, right.

That was why she was so attracted to him, what with his casual flirtations, as if he wasn’t sending her heart soaring through the sky, in the midst of all of the rain, the action for him seeming to be as easy it was to breathe. There was also the fact that he was naturally her soulmate, their electromagnetic forces so strong that it seemed that it was nearly impossible for them to be separated, and apparently, it was impossible if they couldn’t seem to escape from one another through another lifetime.

They’d found each other once again.

She poked him lightly with the umbrella. “You are not getting sick because of me, you big idiot.”

“Actually, I’ll be getting sick from devouring literature and history, thank you very much,” he said, throwing her a lopsided grin, “Also with the occasional science, and, even more on occasion, Lord of the Rings.”

She held her book, properly enclosed in a bag, to her chest, and was just a bit affronted at his joke. “And to think I was going to offer to share my umbrella with you.”

Time, it appeared, seemed to fly by quickly, just as quick as he was to pounce, and he eagerly took the umbrella from her hand, opening it up and pulling her close to her, positioning the umbrella so that it hung over both of them. His arm was snugly around her, sending rains of emotions that pounded onto her heart. “I’d be an absolute ponce to turn you down like that.”

“You’re an absolute ponce if you thought you could make it through all of this rain.”

“I’ve a hoodie. Do you really blame me? You could own the world with a hoodie if you really wanted to,” he replied, stopping momentarily, “Oi, where are we headed?”

“You’re the one with the umbrella, aren’t you? I think our main goal right now is getting you home.”

“It’s your umbrella, so it obviously means that we’re walking you home first.”

“That doesn’t—”

“It means I get to return your umbrella to you on another occasion,” he cut her off, smiling broadly, “Only if you’re fine with seeing me again, obviously.”

She blinked at him, once, then twice, then once more again, and then her shoulders sagged slightly. “I can’t even argue with you. You know I’d love to see you again.”

“I didn’t, actually, but validation still feels good anyway.”

She hummed in response, and with the rain pit-pattering down onto the umbrella and onto the ground, it made a relaxing scene for the two of them. Their feet were nearly in sync with the other— left then right then left again— when, of course, her umbrella decided to flip inside out at this very instant.

“Oh god. Why, why, why—”

James threw the umbrella to the side, not hesitating one second as he pulled his sweatshirt off over his head— a nice, maroon colour today— and used it in place of the cursed umbrella, holding it over her head rather than over his own as he led them somewhere safe with a cover, but there was just something so kind about his gesture, something so familiar about it that she couldn’t help but lead her eyes towards his face, so intent on taking her to safety.

“James—” she started, not sure exactly how this turn of events had occurred, but he wasn’t stopping, not until there was no more rain pelting down onto them, onto her.

“Lily, come on. You don’t want to get wet. You’ll get sick, yeah?”

“Yes, but—”

“I sort of dragged you into this. Don’t get sick on my accord.”

“It’s really not your fault—”

“I don’t reckon it’s the best idea to argue in the rain. We really should—”

She cut him off with a kiss to the lips, standing up on the very tips of her toes and shutting him up effectively.

It was sweet and salty, just as popcorn was, with the rain intermixing with the taste of his lips, which hadn’t exactly parted open yet, because he was standing there with shock written all over his face, his lovely, gorgeous face that truly had been sculpted by the universe and defined by the stars and eyes as golden as the radiance that came from the sun. Gold met green, just as the sun’s rays shone down onto the loveliness of the Earth, and from their closeness she could make out the small freckle dotting his skin just below his left eye.

His fingers, poised over her head, had appeared to freeze, as if their touch stopped all of time, as if the universe decided to give her all the time in the world to study each and every one of his features.

And when he finally moved, a signal, his arms closed around her, one falling around her waist and the other, and the felt the weight of the world falling off of her shoulders, because the manner in which his lips moved against hers was so strikingly similar that she’d have to be absolute idiot to think that this wasn’t her James. She was suddenly taken back to the sweet smell of flowers in the air, a rose in his hand rather than his hoodie, and she was hit with how much these events were paralleled with one another, how a kiss can take her back by many centuries while her feet remained in the same place.

But rather than the lovely crimson roses, they were met with rain instead, and somehow, it made it all the more lovelier because it made it their moment in this present time, in this lifetime. What hadn’t changed, though, was the fact that he still glowed, still shined for her, and the way in which he was holding her, with him cupping her chin gently, that sweatshirt of his having been forsaken about fifty fallen raindrops ago, was so reminiscent of what she’d gone through with him in the past.

It was beautifully tragic and sweet.

She was most definitely getting sick, which had been further supported by the fact that she’d already gone mad from kissing someone in the rain, an idea that she’d thought to have become too overrated from how it was presented in the films, but now, she felt that she didn’t want to let go, didn’t want him to pull away.

But, of course, because the universe and time allowed them, they’d have all the time in the world to entertain to the other’s affections, all the lifetimes. It was the catalyst that made her pull away from him, if just for now.

When her eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes catching some of the rain that had fallen, rather than a grin, he stood there, astonishment written over his face as if she hadn’t really kissed him, as if he couldn’t comprehend this turn of events. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly, like he hadn’t kissed her back.

“For what? It’s kind of what I’ve wanted to do with you as soon as I laid my eyes on you. That among other things, like holding your hand and talking about our feelings.”

She didn’t even bother to hide the red growing on her cheeks, instead choosing to pick up his hoodie from the ground. “I’m sorry for ruining your sweatshirt, then.”

“I’ve got millions of them,” he said, waving it off, and his hands flew upwards to brush his hair off of his face, “I do reckon we’re going to catch a cold, though.”

“It’s fine,” she smiled, “It’s worth it, I’d say, if our first kiss in this lifetime was in the rain. That’s quite the romance I look for in life.”

“This lifetime?” he repeated with a cock of his head, “You saying we’re soulmates?”

She didn’t delight him with an answer, instead tugging at his hand, saying, “Let’s get out of the rain before it makes you madder than you’ve already been.”

“On one condition.”

She looked at him with an eyebrow drawn, as if to question just what this condition was. Instead of a verbal answer though, he merely grinned at her, reaching down to press a quick kiss to her lips before pulling her over to a nearby storefront with a proper outside cover, and the pelts of the rain stopped falling down onto them.

“You’ve got to set better conditions than that,” she said, not able to help the smile threatening to burst onto her face.

“Obviously that wasn’t the condition. Before you wildly proclaim that we’re soulmates,” he said with a sly grin, “We should go on a date first. Or loads of dates. Whichever suits your fancy.”

“You suit my fancy.”

“Yeah? Is that the soulmate-hoping side of you jumping out?”

“It’s the I-fancy-you side of me, actually,” she said, drawing a wide smile from him.

And though he didn’t believe in soulmates all too much yet, she knew that with all of the time that the universe was offering them, he’d eventually come to believing just as much as she did as well.

And with time, she’d come to realise that she had managed to fall in love with the same person once again.

Again and again and again and again.

#kyra is the sun to my shine #I LOVE KYRA #it's better on ao3 omg tumblr likes to screw with the format #jily #jily au #james potter #lily evans #james and lily #lsj writes #jily fanfiction #jily fanfic

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its0katka · 5 years

Text

A Personal History of Mountains

I’m five years old, seven years old, thirteen years old, and I drive through mountains to get to my cousin’s house an hour away in Duchess County. I know they aren’t really mountains though, because they aren’t tall enough, or craggy enough. They don’t look like the mountains I see in books and on TV.

I’m used to tall things because of living in New York but the skyscrapers are oftentimes too tall and give a warped perspective on what tall actually is. Nature is different, though. Nature is real.

They look pretty in the fall when the leaves change colors, but when it’s summer they just look like oversized bushes, in the winter they are a dead bark brown. They aren’t rolling, it’s usually one large dome and then normal-sized foliage otherwise. Sometimes they look pretty when they are covered in snow.

I try not to think about mountains because one time I tried to hike Bear Mountain and I hated it.

I’m 20 years old and I’m flying to Ghana. We transfer planes in Germany and as we fly south, we cross the alps. I don’t know which alps, but we’re so high up above them that all we see is snow-capped tops and sharp peaks clearing the sky. I remember how excited I was to see them, because they looked like real mountains, and I was so close to them.

In Ghana I went on another hike to Mount Afadjato. I thought it’d be fine because I’d done a hike to Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh the summer before, and that was alright, it was the same amount of time (two hours up, an hour down) and I figured I was spry enough to do it.

I wasn’t. I fell behind the group quite far, especially when trying to walk down the mountain. I was suffering badly with the elevation. I was wearing Crocs.

Arthur’s Seat was 822 ft tall. It had stairs along the way, and safety ropes. Mount Afadjato 2,904 ft tall. It had nothing but steep climbs, slippery rocks, and a worn train. I lost my footing at one point and slid down the mountain, I thought I was going to die. The group went to a cave the next day and I opted to stay home and try to watch the Ghanaian version of American Idol on the TV we had that never really worked.

I’m 22 and living in Žilina, Slovakia. I was provided with a three bedroom flat all to myself, for the modest price of $400 Euros a month. My Independent Study stipend pretty much covers the rent, I have to use my personal funds to buy food but it’s not too bad because I don’t have a fridge, so I basically have to eat vegetarian, eat out, or not eat at all.

From my balcony (yes, I have a balcony, yes, it’s where I keep my milk, cheese and yogurt to stay cold in the frigid November temperatures), I can see the Malá Fatras, a Slovak mountain range that’s popular with skiers. I love standing out on the freezing balcony looking at it because these are the tallest mountains I’ve ever seen, and the closest I’ll ever get. It makes me feel normal, like the world is not so vast, like there are borders and boundaries and it’s somehow cozy, in a weird way.

One weekend, all employees of Stanica are gone on holiday; Dusan goes on a trip to Bratislava with his girlfriend, Audrey and Helen go to Budapest. I am on my own except for Ints, who offers to hang out with me while everyone is gone, who makes sure to take me out to bars and have a good time, who drags me out to a mountain nearby to go see some castle ruins, except that I’m hungover as hell and the walk up is steep as hell and we stop for a cigarette break halfway through and I admit that I’m dying and I’m sore and dehydrated and can’t go on, can we please go home?

We stop at a bar on the way home and have warm beer. We go out later that night and I scream at him drunk in the snow because I want to have sex with him but he keeps saying he has a girlfriend but no one has ever met her, ever, not even his closest friend Aldrick and everyone keeps saying to me, “Wow are you Ints’s girlfriend?” and it killed me every time.

Years later I would understand that he was doing the right thing, he liked me but he was doing the right thing and knew it would be bad if we got involved.

I’m 28 and on my honeymoon and we make a stop in Lake Como. I’m still not feeling 100% health-wise, and I welcome the chance to relax along the lake. Our Airbnb is a time capsule, it’s a separate room and bathroom attached to the home of a spry Englishwoman who married an Italian man and basically gets to see out her days in their Sala Comacina flat, with paramount views of Lake Como and a water taxi stop down the road.

It’s more beautiful than anywhere I’ve ever been. The air is clear and crisp and warm, the Italian alps are visible in the far distance, snow capped and a stark comparison to the emerald green, sloping hills along the lake. When the sun sets, it turns them brilliant neon colors of pink, orange and purple.

We dine on prosciutto pizza and grilled fish at a place where the tables and chairs are made of plastic, and the local teenagers drop by for cokes. I take a picture and post it. Someone asks, “Is this a painting?” No, it’s reality.

I’m 30, and we’re driving through Switzerland, exhausted and half sick but determine to visit Berggasthaus Aescher, the famous building built into the side of a mountain, which serves food if you’re lucky enough to get there. I’ve done all the research, including figuring out how to get there by car, through winding roads and up steep elevations and narrow streets where the Swiss sports cars zip around like it’s no big deal except if you aren’t careful enough you may well drive off a cliff because there are zero barriers, dude.

We see old people, old people, riding bikes up the hills and I just feel really bad about myself, in comparison.

We find pockets of green space, sprawling hills with farms and cows, so many cows, cows everywhere and adorable cottages and I just keep wondering, “Oh my god what does one do here to occupy their time, especially with all of these insane hills and narrow roads to climb?”

Finally we reach Ebenalp and the cable car that will take us to the top of the mountain. All the way there we’ve been surrounded by tall crags and ranges of snow-peaked geo wonders. I can’t stop taking photos of them because this truly is the closest I’ve ever been to a real mountain. It’s 5,380 ft high and I wonder how on earth it’s possible for this cable car to bring us up so steeply and yet be so smooth and yet never just one day fall apart and crash.

We get to the top and realize we are sorely underdressed; I, in a thin sweater and a designer purse, Handsome Man in a long sleeve shirt and dress boots. Everyone else around us is wearing legit hiking gear — industrial boots, heavy coats, snow pants, bandanas. All of the things I read about Berggasthaus Aescher said it was an 15 minute hike to the guesthouse. I am winded in the first five minutes and I am walking down, not up.

At Berggasthaus Aescher, we realize it’s too late to buy food because the last cablecar leaves at 5:30pm, and if we miss it, we must hike all the way down, and who knows how long that’d take and what condition we’d be in by the end. We take some marvelous photos and retreat back where the steep climb has me stopping several points through to catch my breath. I see old women and little kids hiking and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I really liked Switzerland when we were there, it was this crazy place where everything was so expensive and no one looked like each other and the language, what even was it, and we paid $40 for pad thai at a takeout place, and Handsome Man got food poisoning because he didn’t cook his fondue meats well enough.

But what I can’t stop thinking about are those mountains, and valleys, where it’s just you and the land and the animals and the nature, and it’s so beyond beautiful and peaceful and you wonder how anything could ever be wrong there, and it’s not wrong there, it’s perfection.

#mountains #travel #Travel Photography #nature #travel blog #ghana #switzerland #italy #lake como #slovakia #swiss alps

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robertspatts · 7 years

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yo babe Idk if u want to write anything but if u do itd be super great if you could write a fic where eddie gets his heart broken by a boy for the first time and richie sneaks into his room to comfort him

Ahhhh i tried i hope its ok!!!

Hold Me- Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak -1.1k words

Richie Tozier had been in love with Eddie Kaspbrak for just over a year now. What started off as a banter-filled friendship, became sweaty palms and butterflies in Richie’s stomach every time he spoke to Eddie. The rest of the Losers Club saw Richie’s feelings as an open book and teased him all the time for his massive crush on Eddie, but somehow, Eddie was completely oblivious to it. In fact, Eddie had been dating Mark, a senior at their school for just over 6 months now. Mark fitted in well with the Losers and he seemed to make Eddie really happy, which made the butterflies in Richie’s stomach so much more violent, because Richie knew he was inexplicably in love with a boy who would never love him back.

*****

The summer holidays had just begun, and although the sun was shining and the water in the lake was warm, Eddie Kaspbrak hadn’t come outside to hang with the Losers in weeks. Nobody seemed to question it, which was making Richie furious. He always felt empty when Eddie wasn’t around, Eddie was his person; Bill had Stan, Bev had Ben and Mike had a special bond with all of them. But he and Eddie always shared something that the other Losers didn’t; Eddie was the person he could rely on, the person that would never leave him or tell him to stop talking. Falling in love with him was so easy.

“Where the fuck is Eddie?” Richie finally snapped at the Losers. “He hasn’t been here in weeks, and no one knows where… no one gives a shit about where he is.”

The Losers looked taken aback, they turned awkwardly to face one another, as they realised that Richie was the only one Eddie didn’t tell about what happened.

“We thought you knew.” Beverly muttered quietly.

“Knew what?”

“Mark broke up with Eddie, Richie, I think it was a pretty bad breakup, Eddie wouldn’t tell us much, but he looked pretty shaken up,” Mike said.

Richie looked sheepishly down at the ground, trying to hide his hurt. The thought of Eddie not telling him something as important as this made Richie question everything. Maybe Eddie didn’t trust him at all. Maybe Eddie didn’t ever want him.

“I gotta go,” Richie said, quickly kicking up his bike stand and pedalling away from the Losers without so much as an explanation.

*****

That night, Richie snuck out of his house, not even bothering to be quiet as his mother had been passed out drunk for hours. He nabbed one of her cigarettes and pedalled towards the Kaspbrak household. Although he never did feel welcome there, it was the only place he ever wanted to be, he felt closer to Eddie when he was in his house. Just sitting in Eddie’s room made Richie so happy; he would always make fun of Eddie’s dinosaur figurines and his lame posters but secretly he thought that they were super cute, he thought they were even cuter when Eddie would blush whenever he would point them out.

Richie lent against the oak tree outside Eddie’s house. The light was on in Eddie’s room, so he knew he was awake. Richie smiled at the thought of Eddie curled up in his bed, looking smaller than ever, being absolutely enthralled in whatever he was reading. Eddie would always tell Richie the plot of every book he read, and even though Richie would tease and act uninterested, he secretly loved hearing every single one of Eddie’s recommendations, and although he would never admit this, Richie had borrowed and read every single one of Eddie’s recommendations.

Richie picked up a small pebble and threw it up to Eddie’s window. He had done this countless of times before, always sneaking in to Eddie’s room when he was feeling low or his mother had had too much to drink, but this time felt different, he felt he wasn’t welcome. Richie sighed as the pebble bounced of the window sill and fell to the ground, and turned around to leave. Eddie’s figure suddenly appeared at the window and he creaked open the window and beckoned Richie to come. Richie felt relieved as he climbed up the drain pipe, something he had become an expert in over the past 6 years.

“Hey Eds,” he smiled as he appeared at the window and crawled inside. “Long time, no see,” he cheekily said, playing off the fact that he knew it had been exactly 23 days and 5 hours since he had last seen Eddie.

Eddie rolled his eyes feeling comforted by the first degree of normalcy he had had in weeks.

“You okay Eds?” Richie asked. “I heard about you and Mark and I was a bit sad you didn’t tell me but… anyways I want you to be okay, do you want to talk about it?” Richie tentatively lent on Eddie’s shoulder, he wasn’t sure if he should, but he really wanted to be close to him right now.

“I didn’t tell you because… I knew you’d probably go and fight him or something,” Eddie cracked a smile, which Richie knew was fake because his dimples didn’t show, as they did when Eddie was genuinely happy.

Eddie sighed. “Things were going so well Richie, he told me he loved me, I’ve never felt love like that before…” Richie’s face fell.

“…Romantic love like that,” Eddie continued. “It was like everything was always going to be okay because he was there you know…I don’t know Richie you wouldn’t understand if you’d never been in love before.”

Richie understood all too well as the boy who made him feel all those things was looking right at him.

“I just miss being held,” Eddie said. “I miss the feeling of someone holding me tight and the world didn’t feel so messed up anymore.”

Richie smiled and nodded at the boy who made him feel that the world wasn’t so messed up anymore.

“C-Can you hold me Rich, you can stay here tonight.”

Richie twitched, the thought of being that close to Eddie made his heart flutter, it’s not that he hadn’t ever cuddled Eddie before, they used to all the time as kids, when it was winter and Eddie’s mom refused to turn on the heating in case it triggered Eddie’s asthma.

“Of course, Eds.” Richie lay down next to Eddie and wrapped his arms around him. Richie would have given anything in the world to kiss the small, sleepy, Eddie next to him, but he knew it wasn’t right.

“Everything is gonna be all right Eds.” Richie mumbled. “You’re gonna find someone who thinks the sun shines out of your ass and the flowers grow just for you because that’s what you bloody deserve, damn it.”

Eddie smiled. “Love you Rich.”

Taglist: @denbruhh @birdbabestan @goshdarndiddlyheck @richiietozierr @httpsalien @toshitophchan @january-emb3rs @ri-chietozier

#reddie #it2017 #it1990 #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #writing #sarah speaks #richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak #i trIED #probs terrible #the losers club #someone read this

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muertaheux · 4 years

Text

Post J call (19/05) [diary sub.]

4 days of no sleep has meant unblocking+subsequently spending a lot of time thinking about or talking to J the past couple days. but damage done & now that I know that this man has stopped doing all the things he was supposed to do continue doing once we were completely over; ensuring that he does those things again feels like my responsibility!!

-SO! An attempt at digesting some of the most jarring things he said since instantaneous reflection/clarity was impossible !! -

“when you first wanted to end things there was no doubt that you’d be coming back out here”

like there’s a pandemic and i have no reason i need to go back to the bay as it’s alll online now ??

“see I’m not even in LA!! I chose not to be for you!!”

We’ve had no contact for months and I had no idea he still mainly lived in Oakland?? So that cannot be put on me?? ALSO literally one of the last things I had said to him was about how at least now he can live in LA & something to the effect of how he should try + actually enjoy the lifestyle now?? LA bitches always made me feel a way & a lot of the LA guys he worked with or just at different events were just a lot???

“How can you act like this is the way its supposed to be with us?? If you just decided that there’s not even a chance anymore than that’s fucked up that you gave me false hope”

WHAT THE FUCK. It’s certainly not healthy to entertain possibility of reconciliation, for plenty of reasons but especially as he’s not risen to the occasion of doing what he needs to do! I didnt leave him high and dry as he has the blueprints, tools, and resources now. Literally last night he was texting acknowledging how we’re both not “whole” and it seemed he got that we must be separate but I guess not?? I didn’t give him false hope???

Damn like I was still balancing my own academic + professional + personal obligations and mental health ?? I will do basically anything for someone I love and as his gf ended up taking on quite a bit . But I was 21/22 w. a rigorous course+research load,demanding job, & my own traumas & mental illness to manage??? I loved tf out of him but I am too young & too shaky myself for the dynamic we had to have been sustainable?? I don’t regret putting him onto therapy+psychiatry & the business/financial resources/techniques but being his buffer for the industry stuff in LA was exhausting & fucked w me. I hate almost everything about LA& I get that he’s more introverted than me + has wild imposter syndrome but he was the one who had a right to be there I’m not even remotely connected to that field and again I despise most of the LA bitches- I’m in my early 20’s obviously I would still have wild self esteem issues etc?? I would literally be crying for a good portion of the drive or flight down there almost every time after the first one. But as he would literally run every single business decision or interaction by me & even once the money started coming + he had validation regarding his skill set, for awhile he still would be second guessing the creative aspect of it; and he only really trusts & is out of his shell completely with his Oakland friends, people in LA/anyone he works with he views strictly as clients/collaborators - he wouldn’t go to anything he needed to in LA if I wouldn’t come with him. Okkk yes he was ode loyal/ attentive to me as well as supportive + invested in my stuff & we really protected/looked out for one another in different ways, so it’s not that he was undeserving.. I just can’t be or do everything for someone!!! I also would not even have chance of being close to happy if I stayed in states now that I am completely disillusioned with medicine ??

“That’s insane that you’ve been able to move on like this that’s so fucking ode [my name redacted]. I bet you were fucking other people when were together”

What. the . fuck. I WAS NOTHING BUT LOYAL WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER AND UNLESS I WAS IN CLASSES OR WORKING WE WERE TOGETHER!! I actually have never spent so much time with one person (and didn’t even mind it) before or after him. He knows I never cheated on him smfh he hurled this same accusation back in the winter after I started hooking up with someone again. So I don’t really get why he’s even acting like this is brand new information because the inciting incident for me to cut him off completely a few months ago was how he was handling me hooking up with someone. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to tbh??

Also if it wasn’t for pandemic or if he was IN LA as a single man, I’m sure he would’ve ended up with at least someone ?? Yeah he’s not a hookup kinda guy but if he was taking the same drgz but Im not there than Im sure he’d have plenty of bodies, he’s objectively gorgeous to the point that people are wild confused by his personality & mannerisms.

ALSO we’ve been broken up technically since the fall!! I’ve hooked up with TWO people, which is my prerogative?? I could hookup with a ton of people and it would still be well within my rights as in no way are he and I together ?? It doesn’t mean I don’t care or love him at all but it’s literally mid- May?? I get that he’s mainly upset that the person I most recently was with is the guy from Feb. What I didn’t count on or realize was that I had given J enough info that combined with his naturally sharp memory he’d piece together that the Feb/recent guy is the last person I was in love with before the relationship w J. Once he figured that out he was pressing for more info but I never give out names from situations anyways & I actually had to aggressively ask him if he enjoyed being hurt or something because there’s no reason he needs to fixate on this ??

“this is so fucked up youre not gonna give us a chance to say goodbye for real?? you promised me that it wouldn’t be the last time we saw each other , was this your plan all along ? i can’t believe i really thought you were gonna come back . i’m so fucking stupid. when i heard about schools, even graduations, going online i convinced myself that you still had to come back here or that you’d find a reason. what the fuck rachel! what am i supposed to do?”

Ok he started off yelling (for him) there but once it was just crying i got that his abandonment issues are triggered & that’s definitely valid but he can’t guilt me into coming out to Oakland & based off the past couple days he is not in a place that I can trust myself around. We’d definitely end up fucking & probably doing drgz & there would be no closure we’d just have intense /cinematic experiences that will make separation that much harder AGAIN. We can bring out the best in one another but we also bring out the absolute worst!! We can’t forget the truly fucking horrible parts of our relationship and how out of control it was. Love is not enough!!! The way we loved one another was all consuming & that doesn’t work when there’s soooo much individual healing+ growth that needs to happen.

of course i still love him as well , but i can’t even remind him of that as it’ll then be “so you’ll come back?” fuck like people can love people and know not to be with them!! if i was in a better place maybe i’d think about it; but i’m so far from where I need to be. ofc I miss a lot about him and the relationship but it’s more detrimental than it is beneficial!! it’s not like he didn’t have his grievances too he just doesn’t keep them in perspective in this type of situation . like yeah we coexisted extraordinarily well & never had little arguments over dumb shit/ needed a break from one another; but when we would fight it would be a massive aggressive blowout. ok great we didn’t find one another annoying but also we were respectively v fucking triggered by some deep rooted behavior (i.e our respective parents +trust issues, ptsd and psychosis manifested completely differently; bc of our constant proximity to one another - my BP was on full display multiple times; i accepted he was set on carrying but it was ultimately more like stockpiling ; we both at times did reckless things which made us obsess over the other’s safety [mine mainly in mixed or manic states] ; different attitudes/approaches to drgz) . the codependency was in some lights eventually p unhealthy , especially as eventually down the road itd be impossible to accommodate that degree of attachment to one another!!

ok in some way it’s romantic or w/e that we literally couldn’t be w/o one another at night but also we made it way harder on ourselves when we’d focus on making sure we could be with the other at their obligation instead of our respective responsibilities(i.e me always in LA with him, he ended up coming overseas 3x (EU&Middle East) when I was there for work/conference( for countries he wouldn’t be able to get into he waited at w/e neighboring one would be safe for him), based his UK work trip around my exams schedule so he could bring me, brought me to PFW, etc. ) even considering taking space at any point was never a real conversation.. we were genuinely best friends but just bounced back from w/e dysfunctional argument we had vs solving it and we’re both mad paranoid people & we need someone to physically be there to feel reassured;on the surface and in actuality in some ways the dynamic was ideal- (regardless tho having someone be your primary safety is hardly fail-safe ).

Both of us are insomniacs & deal w night terrors; but from v. early on we figured out how to handle these things in each other to the point that both of us stopped our respective nighttime vices & could sleep naturally; in the case of night terrors the other person would soothe them back. His overwhelming need to protect found a match with my overwhelming longing for safety even before we knew a ton about one another&the respective back stories. Because of Chantel Miller’s assault case that had gone viral(re:the SU Swimmer case) years before, J was convince su at night was dangerous & always picked me up+ put pepper spray canister in my bag literally a week after we first met. When he learned my history/some of the traumas (mainly nyc r**** & parts i shared re:tr********* abroad) etc he was especially ode about my overall safety. (Tbf he has seen a lot in his life but he mistook my taking risks at times as being completely oblivious when most of the times it was because I had assessed the situation and compared to other experiences and I knew I could handle it; ofc for some of the episodic instances it was way more precarious of a situation. )When it was clear that it wasn’t just some over controlling maneuver, it was just easier to try and listen to him about which areas and times to avoid tbh& spared the details of my ~pickups~. He didn’t need protection in the same way; besides the support/‘protection’ for LA/industry stuff, he needed emotional support/validation, reassurance, and to be nurtured & encouraged.

#mheuxarchives

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sugawaras · 4 years

Note

Banana Fish, Kimetsu no Yaiba, Haikyuu ofc so do what you want or all c:

tyyy!! id love to do all 3 haha

banana fish:

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation

fav characters: eiji, ash, singleast fav characters: golzine fav relationship: asheijifav moment: hmm i love the scene in the beginning where eiji pole vaults over the wall to get ash help like that was so badass, and also that scene in the museum where ash totally goes beast mode against some guys golzine sent after him (also a super badass scene haha) headcanons/theories: my fav hc is that a certain character (*no spoilers*) lives and him and eiji move to japan and live happily ever after with a dog and a bunch of adopted kids :’)unpopular opinion: idk if this counts but when I was reading the manga epilogue I was getting very romancey vibes from sing and eiji? and I kinda like the idea of them getting together after everything that happened, esp bc I think itd be hard for anyone except for sing to understand what eiji went through :( asheiji forever ofc but in the canon universe I can kinda see sing/eiji in the futurehow’d you find it: I think I just heard about it being an airing summer anime and it sounded p interesting so I decided to watch it! and the name definitely caught my intention LOLrandom thoughts: it was really good!! the ending definitely wrecked my soul and I was like shocked for days sdfhhdfsh but besides that, theres a lot of good action, character development, etc.! theres also a TON of trigger warnings that could apply tho (ex. sexual abuse, violence) but overall I rlly enjoyed it!!

(haikyuu and kny are under the read more!)

haikyuu:

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation

fav characters: hinata, suga, tendou to name a few, but honestly every character is a fave!!least fav characters: none?? I didn't really like washijou in the anime (including the ball boy arc) but hes gone through so much development in the manga I have no choice but to stan shhfsdfav relationship: kagehina!fav moment: omg theres so many, but to name a few: when hinata and kageyama finally get their new quick right at the training camp, yamaguchi’s serves in the 2nd seijou match, tsukki’s block against ushijima, nishinoya’s foot save against datekou, and the list goes on and on sfhdhfsdheadcanons/theories: I love the idea that haikyuu will end (well I hate the idea of it ending BUT) with kagehina at the 2020 Olympics on the japan national team playing together again, and some random kid sees hinata on the tv and the kid gets inspired to play vball bc of him just like how hinata started :’) ALSO manga spoilers but I saw this theory that udai tenma is like furudate’s self-insert and that that’s how he actually looks irl (which makes sense bc furudate based hq off his own hs vball experience AND tenma ends up becoming a mangaka soo...hmmm...)unpopular opinion: idk if I have any tbh! but (manga spoilers again) when the timeskip happened I saw a lot of ppl were really upset about it, and I was kinda sad we didn't get to see them as 3rd years, but I was actually so excited for the beach arc?? like holy crap it was such a plot twist and im so happy furudate took this direction, bc I honestly do think itd be kinda repetitive to see them go through second and third year and having to introduce tons of new characters would be a bit much :( how’d you find it: I had just finished watching yoi and I was like “ok im not gonna become obsessed w anime buuuut maybe ill just try another sports anime” and then i saw haikyuu and I was like “why not lol” and that was when I first started watching it!random thoughts: haikyuu is honestly my all-time fave!!! like it literally inspired me to start playing vball and hinata is such a great protagonist and its literally a work of art and actually super accurate and realistic gameplay (mostly, the quick attack is kinda out there BUT STILL) and yeah this show is just so dear to my heart :’))

kny:

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation (honestly I feel like almost anyone could get into kny)

fav characters: inosuke, tanjirou, kanrojileast fav characters: muzan but even he;s rlly complex and fav relationship: shinazugawa/Tomioka and kanroji/iguro! (also zenitsu/tanjirou/inosuke/nezuko are squad goals haha) fav moment: literally any fight scene fshfhsf, like theyre all so well animated and the demon backstories are so sad omg headcanons/theories: sabito was tomioka's first love and the one that got away :’( but he ends up falling in love w shinazugawa and they help each other through the grief of losing their loved ones unpopular opinion: none in particular!

how’d you find it: id heard a ton of good reviews about it, but I put off watching it mainly bc of school and whatnot, but then winter break came and I had a ton of free time and I ended up bingewatching it lmao random thoughts: ok kny gives me serious hxh chimera arc vibes?? i mean personally i would consider it a lot less tragic but the demon backstories are kinda like the ants and the invincible nature of muzan vs. meruem, and also tanjirou willing to die for nezuko being similar to killua and gon ...much to think about ssfshhf

#ty sm for the ask!#uzuisama #ask #send me an anime !!

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severelytrashykids-blog · 7 years

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kooks ( @noveltymemes ) tagged me so imma ans, under cut

1. are you named after someone

no, my mom came up w my name like two days before my birth

2. when was the last time you cried

last friday, 03.02.17 (european dates, dd.mm.yy)

3. do you like your handwriting

idk, it does its purpose. i can read it, although some irl friends of mine find it,, difficult.

4. what is your favorite lunch meat

whats... lunch meat?? i eat oatmeal for most of my lunches

5. do you have kids no 6. if you were another person, would you be friends with you yeah probably, if i met me as i am today. 7. do you use sarcasm yeah but not that much..

8. do you still have your tonsils im not sure what those r n im afraid to google it, so im going with yes 9. would you bungee jump no, but id probably be willing to skydive? 10. what is your favorite kind of cereal YOUD TINK ITD BE OATMEAL (its not, i like cheerios, weetabix and puffed rice more, but i dont wanna bring milk every day to school or buy it, boiled water is free) 11. do you untie your shoes every time you take them off no if i have laced shoes ill tie em a bit loose so i can slip in and out of em easily. i avoid laced shoes like the plague tho, pain in the ass 12. do you think you’re a strong person thats a very vague question. physically, my arms are weak but i have rather strong legs(thighs, mainly). mentally, sure, but everyone has their bad days. 13. what is your favorite ice cream flavor anything chocolate, usually. though at the top of my list are the lemon, passionfruit and green apple sorbet icecreams from this small icecream ‘cafe’ close to my school. 14. what is the first thing you notice about people

irl its usually the hair, eyes, facestructure n clothes, online its,, vibes?

15. red or pink

pink is my fave color, so that.

16. what is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself

depends on if i have a good or bad day. some days i love every part of my body, other days i find “problem-areas” everywhere.

17. what color pants and shoes are you wearing right now dar blue jeans and im not wearing shoes but im wearing very big white cozy socks 18. what was the last thing you ate chocolate sauce. 19. what are you listening to right now nothing right now, though laely ive been v into razika and muse. 20. if you were a crayon, what color would you be prolly like,, a peachy pink, bcz my skin is v pink/red-ish 21. favorite smell chocolate, warm yummy food when im hungry, smell of dog, smell of fire 22. who was the last person you spoke to on the phone my stepdad, he was late w picking me up from the trainstation. 23. favorite sport to watch i dont watch much sports, but i like dogshows, horseshows, dance and figure skating ( i did like that before yuri on ice, thank you) 24. hair color sandy/chocolate brown 25. eye color to be discussed (green/blue/grey) 26. do you wear contacts i wish but my eyedoctor told me my eyeids are too strong so itll only hurt... its not every day you hear you have ‘muscular eyelids’

27. favorite food to eat im not too picky, really. my fave dish is fried rice tho. 28. scary movies or comedy i prefer scary movies, although im not a fan of horror. i like thrillers, moreso psychological thrillers. if a comedy is done well and doesnt rely on humiliating the main character (and if it isnt a rom-com), ill probably like it tho. 29. last movie you watched last movie i finished is Inside out. I in the middle of “The Duff” and “Batman vs Superman” on netflix, snrt 30. what color shirt are you wearing blue and black (i was sure the dress was white and gold tho) 31. summer or winter summer, i really like that one day each year we have, here in Norway. 32. hugs or kisses both :3c 33. what book are you currently reading does written-down theatre directions count? Heheh, well xcept for that im about to start reading a book that a friend of mine has written. its yet to be published but many common friends say its good n im hyped that shes gonna let me read it :D 34. who do you miss right now my dog cane. can i say that? hes right upstairs but my hands r cold n i kinda wanna wamr em on him. 35. what is on your mousepad dont have a mouse pad 36. what is the last TV program you watched we dont really have a tv? or, well, we have a tvscreen connected to a computer so we can watch netflix and hbo and nrk on it. im currently watching Shameless (us version), Designated Survivor. Waiting for a new episode of Riverdale and waiting for The Shadowhunters’ second season to finish so i can binge it. 37. what is the best sound laughter from friends and family, by a long shot 38. rolling stones or the beatles dont really listen too much to either, but rolling stones yeah 39. what is the furthest you ever traveled rhodes, greece 40. do you have a special talent i can pull both my feet behind my head, and cross em like the yoga-positon and walk in my knees by waddling back on forth. oh, and cross my hands, hold onto my ankles and walk/run til i fall. these r my partytricks. 41. where were you born norway 42. people you expect to participate in this survey

my friend, shybert

#idk how srs i was here but here ya go #ask meme

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ilovethepayne · 7 years

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I was tagged by @0xyzen and @periloushodgepodge thank you both for tagging me in this!!

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!

1: Are you named after someone? Nah :/

2: When was the last time you cried?

Like legit cried? ummm like maybe spring-ish last year we had a senior banquet for the sorority and cried a little during my “speech” to my big

3: Do you like your handwriting?

yeah i do! my notes are usually very neat. unless im falling asleep or something

4:What is your favorite lunch meat? idk turkey?? i dont really like lunch meat

5: Do you have kids? no but id love to when im ready!

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? umm i think so! i think im really funny!!

7: Do you use sarcasm? yeee

8: Do you still have your tonsils? Yup

9: Would you bungee jump? HELL NO!! i hate heights, i hate the whole feeling of free falling. NOPE!!

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? I loooooove ChocoKripis!

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Yeah I do, unless they’re my running shoes

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

Physically? no. mentally? no.

13: What is your favorite ice cream flavor? ummmm... i dont actually really like ice cream all that much? i gotta be in the mood for it and even then i dont eat a lot :/ but if i had to pick, itd be chocoloate or coffee

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? hands

15: Red or pink? red!!

16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? my stomach ://

17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? my sweats are grey and im not wearing any shoes

18: What was the last thing you ate? milk and cookies!!

19: What are you listening to right now? the rain

20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? maybe like a powdery blue?

21: Favorite smell? i like vanilla!

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mami

23: Favorite sport to watch? ugghh i fucking hate sports. the guys in my family have ruined it! but i love watching track and field

24: Hair color? like a brown/red kinda thing?

25: Eye color? brown

26: Do you wear contacts? nah im too scared ill poke myself in the eye

27: Favorite food to eat? pasta!!! anything cheesy!! ooh molletes!! its got everything i love cheese, beans, chorizo, and bread!

28: Scary movies or comedy? im a chicken shit so probs comedy

29: Last movie you watched? its called Todays Special, it was pretty funny

30: What color of shirt are you wearing? black

31: Summer or winter? winter!!

32: Hugs or kisses? hugs.

33: What book are you currently reading? i dont actually read books anymore! school has kinda ruined it but i read fics a lot!!

34: Who do you miss right now?

no one in particular? like i miss home but im glad for the privacy atm

35: What is on your mouse pad? dont own one

36: What is the last TV program you watched? Ive been watching jessica jones. it takes me forever to get through tv shows

37: What is the best sound? ot5 (i dont really know actually)

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? The Beatles!!! Grew up with them

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? Mexicooooo!!

40: Do you have a special talent? being dramatic? does that count?

41: Where were you born?

california!!

42: People you expect to participate in this survey? ummm idk??

im not sure who’s done it or not and i dont want to like pressure anyone? so like if anyone wants to do it please feel free!! i love reading all the answers!

#about me

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decodervon · 4 years

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Call and Response.

The fact that you admitted to hard drug use after a death and have the gall to tell ME how to use my drugs is pretty bold. I told you a long time ago that the closer you got to Burlesque you got, the more hard drugs you would imbibe. I even quoted Coke. I haven’t had coke since my first time. Focus that worry on yourself, because you’re still finding reasons and excuses to do it. So do not preach to me unless you’re willing to practice. I also don’t like that you’re blacking out on different drugs. I did know you can black out on Molly. Did you know you can DIE from Molly? I’m glad Hollie is taking care of you, but you shouldn’t find yourself in these precarious positions to begin with. Grief isn’t an excuse and you can ask ANYONE who’s fallen to alcohol or drug use after a death. I’m happy your shared, but very disappointed at your continued path towards harder drugs.

Its... interesting to hear about the new guy. I need to calm down a little from my previous paragraphs, since I’m still a little upset at your hard drug use. So yeah. All of this sounds like more or less what I gathered. Anyone new could’ve filled the void of needing a new person to cleanse your pallet after the last few years. I’d say it sounds like bad news to mess with someone living with an Ex, regardless of when they move out, but for the type of relationship you’re trying to have, I don’t think it matters. They say that for Evil to succeed that Good Men have to do nothing. That’s in relation to you knowing how that relationship is going to end with his ex. It’ll be fire and sadness and he’ll look to you to pick up the pieces and that’ll be that. That’ll be the time where exclusivity is talked about and the actual relationship starts. You have a lot of experience, but I’m not going to try and give any advice. To be honest, I want it to fail. Not because you dont deserve someone nice or because I’m mad. But because I’m petty. I wish it was still me you came to and I can make my peace with it. There will always be another guy in line ready to dote. Sorry, I am a little bitter. I shouldn’t be, but I’m honest here. I feel better after talking. I know what you’re getting out of it and I know you’re completely guarded. With all the strength you’ve gained through your new identity, I’m not sure even I could pierce them without a great plan. so yeah. i know what you’re getting out of a casual relationship. i expected as much. still hurts. still expected. and i don’t... really know if you fully get the ramifications of who I’m seeing. like. if it was anyone else in my Rogue’s Gallery of Exs and women, shrugging them off would be totally warranted. But we both know that Kat isn’t one of them. She’s a totally different level. A level that’s persisted for damn near a decade. I don’t want to freak you out, but I take my dealings with her deadly serious. Much more than anyone else. As I mentioned, it’s on a Caitlyn level. And she was not the one that asked me on a date. I broke that off.

She’s... too good to me. She’s exactly like what you need, but I don’t have to stay guarded. It’s... shocking, to be honest. All she wants to do is watch anime and play video games together and just... lay around. Its a godsend after all the anger I’ve felt lately and all the mixed up feelings. i’m so scared i’ll mess everything up, because thats what i do. sometimes it takes a while, but i always push people away sooner or later. thats why i’m keeping my emotional distance. i don’t.. i don’t want her to fall into the pit that is me without understanding how damaged i am. i don’t want to lie to her or trick her or push her or anything. it’s all strange and shocking and i still don’t... really believe it. why would she want me. why am i what helped her change back to guys? it’s... a lot of pressure. i’m... not great. i know in my heart i would still meet up with you if given the chance.. probably. but i know if i was seeing anyone else, itd be a definitely yes, instead of a maybe. and THATS why i think this makes it much more serious in this scenario.

sorry. i’m in a weird place. this isn’t normally where i write from and i feel kinda confused and weird.

on a different note..

you have a headstart on anyone, due to the fact i shared some... very intimate shortcuts with you. (and i mean. i think im kinda into it. i do like hearing you be a dom.. i really liked that time where you forced me to fuck you.) and yeah. i know your guy doesn’t mean anything to you emotionally. mine is.. i’m trying not to open myself up too fast. thats why i’m taking things slow and why things aren’t official in any capacity. i’m not ready for it like you’re not ready for it, it’s just a lot harder for me to stir up something casual (much like it would be harder for you to stir up something serious, kinda our polar opposites.) and I hate to put the ball in your court, but you’re the one with the busy life and schedule. even during the time i tried to win you back, you barely had time for me. you work a full-time job, have a full-time hobby/lifestyle, and don’t stay up past midnight. you could throw a dart and hit some free time for me. your freetime is a bull’s eye. you’d have to be the one to ride your bike through the winter winds to come get me. which.. saddens me because.. it’s hot, but its not realistic. you barely did things like that when i asked, expecting them out of the blue is... irresponsible. but i can’t tell you what it’ll actually be. thats up to to you. i can’t be the creepy ex showing up around your house. hell, maybe even a seedy motel middlegroud is the answer. idk.

and i worked hard to make you cum. i learned your body from scratch and knew it better than anyone. i could’ve made you cum no matter how you felt. sick as a dog, sad as hell... it didn’t matter. i could suck the life out of you over and over if you’d let me. i like hearing you say that though. i like it a lot. i.. always wished you spent more time and learned the same stuff about going down on me.. but thats something /you/ have to decide and want to do. just something that was there to practice on. i could’ve helped. whatever. nevermind. doesn’t matter.

and... ill never have... good body self-esteem. it’s part of me. its what i search for in others. that praise for my physical body. its the easiest way into my thoughts and heart. and i hope it doesn’t scare her. >_< i’m not... worried about that so much. sex is.. a lot to me and i don’t want to throw all that on her anytime soon. if i laid with her... that tryst would be as good as dead. which is why anyone else other than her would be whatever. they wouldn’t mean anything. its why i’m scared. its why i want to take it slow.. i dont really know how long i’m on the market for.

this all scares me.

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Miscellaneous thoughts about the kinda au kinda oc story idea with the ghost castle

* lexaeus-inspired ghost guy could maybe have plant powers instead of earth? Just cos i feel like gardening is a classic adorable hobby for a 'gentle giant' archetype character, yknow? He's a big spoopy skeleton armour and he maintains the castle gardens and makes lil bouquets for his ghostly BF. :3

* maybe also he actually still has an army? Like these two are the only members of the cursed castle that retained their sentience in monster form, but all the non-talking ghosties are still very good and kind. They vary from animalistic to kinda being able to understand basic commands. So a lot of the royal guard still follow their boss even if they cant remember why (or even what their own names are..) Mostly he just tries to look after them, there isnt really anything to fight anymore and they keep getting in trouble from dizzily replaying old days in their head and getting lost. He's been trying to fix up the floor of the old barracks cos so many of them keep falling in! So its kinda more like he's a camp counseller on one big sleepover? Trying to get these ominous legions of the undead to realize that their war is over and just get some peaceful rest. But his own personality is a stoic workaholic so its a lil hypocritical!

* I think i like the angel aesthetic for vexen-inspired ghost dude. He'd be just like a ghost but fluffy? Spoopy ethereal featherboye! He finds it annoying cos he has to do a lot of brushing to keep his frosty feathers all fabulous lookin. And they fluff up even more into a winter coat and then shed everywhere in the spring! But skele-BF is just like AAAA SO PRETTY SO SOFT HOW ARE YOU EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL IN THE AFTERLIFE so i mean..cant not take pride in ur appearance after that. *harrumphs away and never admits he was blushing*

* also randomly i think skele soldier guy has demon horns? Like it looks like he has a viking helmet but actually its just a regular one and he legit has actual horns. Gotta cut holes in all his hats! Basically a skeleton monster is less boring if it has some added features from other animal skeletons and stuff. Oh maybe his whole head is like a deer skull! Big nose to give nosey kisses!

* randomly had an idea for a lil episode where they're discussing managing the food stores for the castle, cos the supplies that were left from before everyone died have kinda started going rotten. And skele guy is like AAAA NOOO I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOUR COOKING!! And just generally damn i will find plot reasons to mention how much they love everything about each other at every opportunity!!

* i think maybe they werent already dating at the start? Like there was a lot of mutual crush going on when they were alive but neither of them was brave enough to confess and now theyre all caught up in dealing with Deep Depression Of Monster Death and such. So for the beginning its gonna be the good ol classic Everyone Can See It Except Them, yknow? Like seriously imagine poor buff skeleton man practically exploding from how much he wants to say NO U R STILL BEAUTIFUL whenever ghostly science is being hard on himself. They super awkward and their lil adopted son is gonna help them realize their feelings, yes! 'we are just two guys being bros and adopting this child and also literally coming back from the dead because of our love for each other AS BROS' Cmon ghost dads, just have a smooch already!! And im sure itd be super emotional when it finally happens, itd be like 'i finally admitted it, i did what i could never do when i was alive. Maybe i really am alive.. My life keeps on changing...'

IM EMOTIONS FOR THIS

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