#im an ADULT. with my OWN HEALTH INSURANCE

[tieflingcxre]

#everyone wish me happy birthday right meow #as much as id like to still be a teenager. 20 is exciting #i called health insurance yesterday. #im an ADULT. with my OWN HEALTH INSURANCE #like not even with my parents or anything #its crazy #picz #feel free to reuse this image if u are also. 20th birthday #but u have to add a confetti emoji or another hat or something

[orcelito]

signed up for a credit card

disgusted and appalled

#speculation nation #this was by my own choice but i dont want to #but. i am an adult (unfortunately) and i need to build up my credit score (ugh ugh ugh) #so i signed up for a card that im only rly planning on using for mundane purchases #so i can pay them off every month. and thus. build the credit score. #also is good to have a card in case of emergencies etc etc whatever #there are several benefits. i also just really deeply despise credit cards bc i know how badly they can fuck people up. #ive seen it firsthand :p #but. unfortunately. this is the world we live in. and i need my credit score to be higher. #not like immediate need. but i have an Okay credit score. just good enough to be above average. generally. #(from this bills service thing i used some years ago. rly was nice for getting me started out.) #im trying to think ahead. me rn a good credit score doesnt mean that much #but it'll have good possible uses for me in the future. so im gonna work on building my score up now. #me years in the future may thank me for it. Paying It Forward and whatever. #and yeah i paid bills and health insurance yada yada yada. all this disgusting adult shit. #but im doing it. ugh.

[mejomonster]

My adult advice is if you do pursue something you're passionate in for a career (or really if you go about getting any job) that being treated like shit is not fair to you. Working over 40 hours for your dream job a week, working 60 hour crunch hours for months for your dream job, working with no health insurance for years, your dream job paying you a wage too low to live where you need to in order to do the job so you're financially getting worse, your job not hiring enough people because you care about the work too much to let it fail so they just overwork you and have you do 2-3 peoples jobs, your dream job does not protect you from work hazards and you feel you'll lose your job if you bring it up? You don't deserve any of that shit. You deserve better. Whether your job is some boring thing you don't care about, or your absolute favorite thing in the world that you care about deeply and find to be the meaning of your life, you deserve to be treated fairly. You deserve to not be overworked to the point of suicidal or sick, you deserve to be able to go to the doctor and take your kids to the doctor and know if your kid gets a long term illness you can get long term treatment, you deserve to not have the entire success of a company fall on your shoulders to do multiple jobs if you weren't the supervisor who decided Not to adequately hire, you deserve to be able to go pee when you need to, you deserve to have adequate protection from dangers to your life. Period. No matter what job. If you're being treated like shit, you don't deserve it. It's not a price you should be expected to endure, not even for your dream job. It's a fucked up situation that real people caused by deciding to treat their employees badly.

#rant #feel free to ignore #but like. if you never had a job yet or havent had many jobs yet or ur in college #its some food for thought. #i just like. when i was a child i didnt understand some choices my dad made. #now that im an adult? i do have a job i like and find meaningful. #but also like... i did WANT to do character concept art for video games. but i see employees in those companies now #workjng 60 hour crunch hours. short term contract work so no health insurance. #and its like... well i needed 4 surgeries in the last 4 years. i needed the ER like 20 times. #i needed 2 of those surgeries as a direct result of when i worked 60 hour weeks for a year #and it made me both mentally suicidal despite Liking the work. and physically damaged my health for life #and now i need medicine montjly that costs 600 or more if i didnt have insurance. #so its like... well. if i had tried to do character concept art for X companies games i played? #well id be dead right now. dead before age 28. because 60 hour workweeks over a year probably wouldve killed me #my life wouldnt have been worth drawing if yhat job turned my passion into my own hell and my own killet #you get me? #like. even if you pursue a dream job (or a hated job even) #know your limits. your life is most important. if a job says 60 hours ans you got 2 kids and need to work #until you can get another job to hire you? then you take the risk probably yeah #or youre healthy and willing to suffer for 4 months before ysing the experience to apply for a job that is 40 hours a #week and pays more. but if a job is demanding inhumane bullshit it IS a horrible thing #and its something you deserve better than.

[liecanthrope]

wait because seriously being an adult therian fucking rips, especially when you start being independent.

dog with a blog? nah. dog with a JOB. i come into work with my tail and my theta delta necklace and the building implodes from my sheer swag. weirdo teenagers love me. also having your own paycheck means you can get whatever gear/treats you want (once bills are paid, of course - bet youve never heard a dog say that!)

living in your own apartment? well the pet limit is 2 but if i include myself im going over the limit. whoops! good thing i love lying to landlords (fuck landlords). living alone (no roomie) is even better bc theres no one to judge you for your animal habits. i can make a huge den in the living room and who is going to stop me?

i even have my own health insurance. bro. imagine being a dog with medicaid. im climbing the walls and howling and barking. i love being a dog filling out government paperwork.

having your own vehicle? THIS DOG CAN DRIVE! if i feel like going to the lake i can just go to the lake! nobody is stopping me! midnight ride with the windows down to howl at the moon? yes please!!

you can literally just go wherever bro. i moved 11 hours from my hometown to the mountains to feel more at home. i lived in the great plains and now i can just go out for a hike in the rockies and howl at the sky.

being an adult therian slaps so fucking hard i cant wait for the youth to grow up and experience the joy of freedom. yes being an adult is incredibly stressful but if youve been stifled living with family, you get a real chance to develop who you truly are. adult therians i love you im rubbing against your neck and mixing our scents. mwah.

#no shame of course if you do not or cannot have these things #but i wasnt granted much independence as a youth so im very happy now #sorry for the ramble im just feeling rlly accomplished today #still settling into the new apt but i finally got my books and some of my trinkets unpacked and set up :) #feeling a little more homey and im enjoying the weather quite a bit. we're having a rainy week #angel barks #therian #therianthropy #dog therian #wolf therian #feline therian #otherkin

[axiolotl]

ok genuinely reflecting that for a while during transition i was genuinely depressed, and anxious, because i felt so awkward! always on the verge of being misgendered bc of my voice, what if someone somehow knew i was trans

it felt like an awkward teenage phase all over again, including feeling like the world is out to get me (which, politically, yeah) but I felt scared of every individual person! i felt (and feel) so awkward and vulnerable, clunky, unsure, scared. quite literally going through second puberty, because that's exactly what it is!!!

first puberty was already hard enough, but in retrospect, it's why it felt and feels SO weird to transition as an adult. an (at the time) 25 year old going to transition, with years of therapy and friendships and 4 career changes and 4 moves and all the confidence, knowledge, and experience that entails, and then, BOOM! GONE! second puberty! teenager again!

ive talked about this with my therapist, confused how I lost all my confidence when i KNEW i could do it. I'd felt confidence and peace and contentness before, where did it go? I am so scared all of the time??

but it's only really now that I'm realizing all that work I did on myself allowed for the transition to happen in the first place, and I could make the changes for my transition because I could trust myself.

and it's only really now that I actually feel like a goddamn adult again! I have a job and an apartment and im TWO different peoples best man and I get to help plan weddings and plan parties and take care of my own health insurance! and i couldnt do any of that when i was a teenager, but I can now:)

#not to mention executive dysfunction issues bc of adhd and also Trauma still making me feel 'inadequate' and like a kid #but im getting back there im doin it!!! #ellis.txt

[lalunearts]

I wish i had privacy :)))))

Once again, im scared in my own bedroom. Not like its ever really been safe for me anyway my bedroom door hasnt worked for 8 years, I slept in the livingroom for 7 of those years My grandma gets my bed, and i have to either walk on eggshells around her OR i dont talk to her either way, i get complained to for either talking back or not talking enough I have no motivation for college but it's either do college or taking a job that will be worse because of the area i live in I cant take in school courses bc i have no ride. I cant drive because ive never been taught AND i dont have the glasses i would legally need to drive. I need college to stay a dependant and have health insurance yet i fail every time i try to get the courage to do things. I have no energy for the things i love unless im hyperfixated on it, and then it dies in a few days Im scared. Im an adult now and yet i still feel like im 16 and just got told my mother has cancer. Maybe highschool was better because at least then i had motivation.

At least in high school i knew what i was doing. What am i supposed to do when all my skills are impressing people's parents, and art that isnt good enough to sell? When i know how to edit but the motivation to actually edit videos and try to make myself a streamer or a youtuber falls flat because i cant get myself to be consistant What if theres nothing in the adult world for me because i cant function?

#honey's rambles #usually i post these on private but yk what i think i deserve to air my fears to the world for once #Vent post #long post #ask to tag #dont worry about me too much here #im just emotional rn and feeling like i have no control over my life because i dont

[homenecromancer]

sometimes im like “maybe i am depressed because my brain is just doing the thing it does every now and then”, sometimes im like “maybe i feel all fucked up because every time i check the news there’s a new item about the guys who make laws in my country actively plotting against people like me”

like! my father’s parents are closer to 90 than 80, and i have loved them very much (even though they are politically much, much more right-wing than i), and i want to visit them sooner rather than later... but they live in a southern US state that keeps popping up in the news for transphobic legislation.

and i would have to travel alone -- and the alone part of that isn’t so bad... but i just dread having to go through airport security. which is a guaranteed feel-up by TSA, because my post-surgery body always sets their scanner off. i haven’t legally changed my name/gender marker, either -- at least the picture on my ID looks like me, but that picture does not look like a [birthname], and that means anxiety for me and funny looks any time i have to show ID.

and then there’s the extra paranoia of just existing while trans -- i look like an average, kinda short dude, and don’t generally worry about passing in public in my home state. but it’s like this:

i imagine myself writing an email and saying what i’m thinking -- “i want to come visit, i miss you, but i look at the news and wonder if, by the time i get there, it will be legal for me to use a public bathroom in your state”. or to wear men’s clothing. or to use my own name. or, or, or

i want to have hope. i do. but part of my brain is still saying “i’m so thankful i managed to get my hysterectomy scheduled, because what if the next law makes it harder for trans adults to have surgery?”. like i’m fleeing from a burning city. even though my state is relatively “safe” in this regard. the fear gets its claws into me.

there’s a family get-together this summer, in a different southern state, and i have many of the same worries. i’m not flying, so don’t have to get felt up by the TSA, but so many of the same worries still hold -- if i get ID’d somewhere, will the person asking for it believe me that it’s mine? when i was younger i used to worry constantly that random strangers would see me and just know, somehow, that i was trans.

in many ways i have been extremely lucky as a trans person. unfathomably so. i was able to start wearing “men’s clothes” before i ever came out even to myself (without, say, my high school massaging their uniform code to make it against the rules). my nuclear family have supported me from day one. i was able to get on HRT when i felt i was ready to. (and my health insurance companies over the years, though they have sometimes complained, have paid for it!) my college let me change the name on my diploma, and my professors supported me using a different name/pronouns in class. my first day at work, someone i’ve never seen again fiddled with the computer system so that my name (and not my birthname) would be on my ID card and on the lists of employees supervisors receive. i was able to get top surgery when i decided i was ready, and the paperwork has been the worst part about seeking a hysterectomy. i have trans friends both online and in person, and my friend group supports me.

but it still weighs really heavy on the heart to see an endless stream of transphobic legislation oozing into the laws of various states. like, it hurts both in a selfish way, and i hurt for my trans siblings who have to put up with that bullshit. especially the kids!! coming to grips with being a trans person is hard enough (in terms of like... self-development and learning to be a human being) without having a target painted on you by right-wing dipshits before you’re even old enough to vote. it is the old adolescent fear of “they all hate me, specifically”, but being written into law by a bunch of guys without even the creativity to whine out anything more than “ooh, we’re protecting the children” when what they’re protecting the kids from is “receiving vital medical care”.

it’s all so tiring.

#personal

[ghostlyfirenut]

Ok I know my last post was like "what if I relapse and lose 20lbs in the next 2 months" and my post before that was like "I'm so happy I grew out of my eating disorder and I'm still skinny and everything is great !!! "

Well , today's post is like , I love that I still have a thigh gap in random situations !!! like I just drank a whole bottle of wine by myself tonight and (would like some more honestly might open another bottle) im feeling the chaos of being a young inexperienced girl thinking about how to create my own money as an independent artist out in the world doing my own thing without a specific boss or company to work for etc like mostly freelance independent contractor starting my own small business and whatnot BUT at least my thigh gap is still just hanging out being present offering small comforts in the middle of this professional "emerging artist" chaos !!!! Like what a small but meaningful comfort to just be chillin in bed "trying to get some work done" and let my knees fall in against each other and there's still a nice lil gap there between my thighs... Like if I flex my thigh muscles it closes but like that's fine it's still there when I'm just chillin without any effort on my part. (If I lose another 10-20 lbs honestly it probably wouldn't close even if I tried to flex my thighs and that was one of my favorite things when I was at my LW was the way my thigh gap was unavoidable and things were constantly falling thru my lap lmfao , like honestly at this point it would probably be annoying to be that skinny /now that I'm working using tools every day like setting your phone/pencil etc on your lap idk it'd be annoying to fall thru all the time; and I don't think I could make it back to that anyway bc I don't want to lose the muscle I've gained but like ,,, 10 pounds ??? I can do that let's make it happen lol )

Anyway lmk if anyone relates to this / I miss the ed community even tho I've been trying to grow out of it like idk I'm 26 there's things to accomplish but I'm already out here relapsing on cigarettes and alcohol and other drugs I might as well embrace the thinspo relapse at this point 🙃

And like it's one thing to be a chubby teenager romanticizing anorexia / just wanting to be skinny for prom etc it's another thing to be like , a college senior who suddenly found the "willpower" to be a "successful anorexic" and you now have to Force yourself to eat food with carbs+protein so you don't pass out in sculpture class again (passing out with welding equipment is fucking scary AF omg) / can keep performing in your dance classes etc ,,, and then it's a Whole 'Nother Thing to be a full grown adult / out of school / out in the ~ real world ~ (briefly felt like I was over the whole thing) but then realizing "the art world" is just as chaotic and disordered as your college environment, it's 1000% ok if you're abusing Adderall and other drugs (except I don't have health insurance so I need an alternative to adderall = caffeine and ed behaviors,, oops, oh well ,,, ) -> -> what matters more, "success" or "wellness" ? ? The vibe is almost like, if you're not disordered are you even a real ""artist"" ?? It's like bro I'm gonna be 27 in a few months and I'm not interested in joining the 27 Club lol let me live with whatever wellness I can manage for myself haha. But also maybe I can lose another 10 lbs and be extra skinny 👀 20 is probably too much / I don't need to be under 100 I've done that I hit that goal I can let it go.......someone remind me when I get to 105 and I'm like "it's not enough!!" Girl it's enough let it go we've been there done that moving on. Lifting 50 lbs > being medically underweight.

Anyway. Long ass rant talking to myself. I'll probably go open a new bottle of wine and regret it in the morning. Main thing!!! I'm fucking free!!!!! I can do whatever I want!!!! I can get fucked up alone tonight/ already applied for a contractor job for next month / already have plans thru December and then feb-may next year, I'm honestly doing great, it's ok if I drink some alcohol and do some drugs . Like, yeah the "wellness" industry is a whole thing, but the "art world" is a whole separate beast - choose which one to focus on. Drugs and wellness don't really mix; drugs and art are kind of a package deal ? I love drugs let's keep doing drugs honestly. It's worked out so far !! (If youre reading this and you don't currently do drugs, pls pls don't feel like you need to do drugs in order to be a successful artist bc it's 100% not like that but also I've been doing drugs for 10 years + trying to stop bc I thought "professionally" it would be a good idea idk , just talking myself thru the fact that all the ~arts professionals~ I've met this summer also do drugs lmfao - not like they'd ever pressure you into it but more they wouldn't care if I do it or not)

Anyway, if you're still reading and you made it this far - life is weird. I'm gonna try to lose 10 pounds and get some more art gigs this season. Balance between wellness and indulgence and everything that comes with drugs vs helping friends find their healthy limits... It's a process we'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading ❤️ I love you always feel free to dm if you need advice ❤️

#thinspo #proana #ed community #idk #i love you #thanks for reading

[xwendigox]

Wendigo News

Heys guys! Really sorry for the inactivity. A lot of health stuff going on.

Finally went to an orthodontist because I can actually afford it with my insurance through my job. Told me my jaw and all are gonna be one of their more difficult cases but it’s fixable. 2 years in braces. 🫠 Totally not a confidence sinker. But at least I can say good bye to jaw pain and lockjaw and hello gorgeous confidence boosting smile!

Had my monthly visit to my psychologist. She literally like a mom to me. Since my biological parents neglected me and left me for dead and then my adoptive parents abused me for 15 & 1/2 years until I finally ran away. My “new” family, I ran away to live with my friend who helped me, are amazing. Consider me own of their own. 😭 💕

Back onto the topic lol. We were just chatting about a visit I had with my adopters (I don’t call them my parents. You lose your title as a parent the second you harm a child, in my eyes at least. The wife was the main abuser. The dad just stood by and let it happen because the wife would turn on him if he did). I’m still in contact with them because my biological brother is still with them. He was too young for me to be able to safely and legally run away with him. He wasn’t a legal adult at the time.

I ended up just like spewing out like all these stories of the things she used to do to us that I thought was normal. Some, obviously I knew was abuse. Other were more covert. Like less obvious. And I was telling her how like the first 6 months in my new family just fucked me up mentally so hard. Because the dynamic was SO DIFFERENT. Like sure, there were arguments and all, but they were still respectful. There was no name calling. No degradation. No manipulation. None of that. All the things I was used weren’t happening. It was a complete and utter culture shock. Which is how I came onto just spewing out all these stories.

Fast forward to afterwards, my psychologist just sat there in silence for a good minute or two. Then she was like, “That’s not crazy. That just plain cruel and sadistic. The shit they did to you is fucked up and heart breaking. That shit fucks you up bad.” And like I couldn’t help but laugh. Idk. Laughing about it kinda like helps me disconnect from the trauma. It hurts just thinking about it. Y’a know? But she ended up asking me if I have a therapist. I told her no, because with Covid, everyone got booked. And then finding a good one is hard too. So, she told me, “Don’t worry about. I’m going to find you a therapist, and a good one. You need to talk that shit out. Get that shit out of your system.”

Since talking about that I’ve kinda been out of it. Like I knew what they did was bad, but like hearing and seeing my doctor’s reaction when she’s probably dealt with hundreds of patience like this kinda puts it into perspective. Y’a know? So, I’m trying. I’m not spiraling. Just kinda trying to process it all I guess.

Sorry for ranting. I know some of you are gonna be like, “Wendigo, like why are you saying all this?” Like I know some won’t care. That’s fine. I just know that maybe someone out there will read this and be like “I’m not alone.” Kinda thing. And just knowing that, helps things feel more bearable. Yes this shit is hard to read an all. But I’m not going just be silent about it. That’s what they want you to do. Im going to talk about it. Make people aware. When you live through a situation like this, you quickly become a specialist lol 😂 like I’m constantly studying and learning about my diagnosis. About my CPTSD, and how its the parent of my bipolar disorder, about my autoimmune disorder, etc. You have to be because you’re going to be living with this for the rest of your life.

You don’t “get over it”. Your body holds memories. It’s why you flinch at anything. It’s why you feel constantly alert. Even if YOU do NOT remember, your body does and reacts accordingly. Shit doesn’t disappear. You just learn how to handle and live with it better. I’m not trying to sound depressing. It’s just what I’ve learned.

So if anyone ever needs to rant, ask questions, or just talk to someone to get shit off your chest, IM HERE. My messages are ALWAYS open to you. It’s a safe place here.

#wendigo #wendigo thoughts #wendigo speaks #mental #health #awareness #mental heath support #bipolar #cptsd #ptsd #mentalheathawareness #safe #place #safe place

[irrelevant-ghost]

Vent

just venting/rambling on my personal issues recently, just needed to get it out

I'm distancing myself again, and I have too much on my mind. How am I supposed to do anything when in this state? My parents won't understand, so I distance myself and say nothing to avoid confrontation and to avoid the inevitability of them just thinking I'm lazy and a disappointment. I need to get a therapist/psychologist cause my last one got put out of practice, but I'm afraid they won't help with the expenses. I only make $9.50 a fuckin' hour. And my motivation is shit so I haven't even streamed in weeks. I don't know what to do. Oh yeah and I'm most likely autistic and that's why I'm different and "special" (in a not good way), what my mom has said to me my entire life. Also probably have paranoia schizophrenia, my dad admitted that his mom probably had it and so does he, so love that for me. I have so much fucking anxiety, I'm becoming more and more introverted, not wanting to leave my room more and more. I don't want to face my parents when my dad has been constantly telling me i should work out and go on a diet, indirectly calling me fat in my head. I just want to learn to love myself and make myself feel better on my own accord and not his or my mom's. I feel like theyre constantly talking about me to eachother. i dont get any praise, or cheering me on, just "you could do better" "get a better job" "stop sitting around in your room all day" because of this shit im regressing, regressing back into social anxiety and bad state of mind, im trying to keep myself from "falling into the well" (a metaphor a teacher told me in highschool) but its starting to get hard again. Im finding comfort in my friends, and trying my best, but its so fucking hard, its so hard to even call the ballot office to get a new envelope that my mom ruined or to call my gyno to update my health insurance cause i accidentally gave them the one that expired as soon as I needed to see a gyno cause of an ungodly irregular period, its been like 2 months since my visit and I'm just scared i'll be in trouble. i didn't mean to. i wish i was given detailed instructions on how to be a fucking adult and how to get through this kind of bullshit. i wish my parents cared just a little more. i wish it was easier to talk to them...

[softertoday]

i'm going to rant for a moment about therapy and insurance so please forgive me, and feel free to scroll on past this lol

it's very frustrating trying to find a new therapist. a lot of them are out-of-network with all insurance providers. my insurance doesn't cover out of network providers at all, so when they say they offer a superbill to file on your own with insurance, that doesn't help me because my plan won't reimburse me at all. some of them offer a sliding scale option, which is nice, but not all of them do. i am not currently working while i'm in school. so i just cant afford to pay $150 - $200 per session with a therapist.

i just want a therapist who has experience working with neurodiverse adults, and i would really love someone who offers art therapy. but that doesn't seem to be an option for me because they are all out of network.

the only one i could find that has a sliding scale is located 3 hours away from where i live and i would need to do telehealth with her, which is fine for regular talk therapy, but art therapy would be a little different (weird) over telehealth.

i'm frustrated because for one, i really honestly believe that every provider, whether they are a medical provider or mental health provider, should be in network with all insurance providers, and file the claims for you. its bad enough that some people cant even afford insurance, but if you're lucky enough to have insurance, you should be able to use it with everyone.

and secondly, i'm frustrated because my insurance plan doesn't cover out of network providers at all and i don't have any chance of getting reimbursed for any of the payments i would be making. i would take the superbill and submit the claim myself, i don't care about that extra work and time, but it wouldn't even matter with the plan i currently have.

and the other thing that really really makes me upset, is that i've had to start over with a new therapist 5 times in less than a year. I've had 5 different therapists since this time last year. most of them have been throughout my different treatment stays since june of last year, but regardless, i've not had a steady therapist for more than a month or two in a whole year.

i met a really nice therapist here when i came home from treatment, and he worked at a place that offered a really significant sliding scale, so i could afford to see him. he was really great. we only had sessions for a couple months and then he moved to a new practice and didn't take his clients with him. he helped me more than any other therapist i've ever had in such a short amount of time and i really liked him. i'm sad that i have to start over again.

the new therapist that he recommended to me is at the same practice, so i can afford it, but he doesnt schedule weekly sessions. he will only schedule 2-4 weeks out. and that might be ok, im not sure yet (we'll see how it goes i guess?) but im just... sad.

i'm gonna stop looking for an art therapist. its pointless. i cant afford it. i will just continue to bring a coloring book and markers to my regular sessions.

#diary #therapy #im so fucking frustrated and upset #i just want support that will benefit me more than what i've already been doing for 20 years

[brucebabener]

crazy that this time last year i was just about to hit the peak of one of my biggest depressive episodes in years, and now im in such a good place. but like truly most profoundly is that i had to make a lot of conscious decisions, but also this was the first time i really had to take my mental health into my own hands as an adult and i fucking did it. i got a therapist, i went to the doctor, i advocated for antidepressants and started them. my family said i seem so much more like myself this year. i did things for myself like ive never done before. im socializing so much this month going out with coworkers and friends whereas this time last year i spent 100% of my time outside of work sleeping. and im so thankful ive been able to do these things for myself! like my first (and arguably worst and definitely longest) depressive episode i was in high school so i was really at the will of my parents, who cared, but didn’t really understand and also didn’t have the best resources available. and again in college, i was more independent, but i had no money and no insurance and there was just nothing i could do about it. now i do have the resources available to me, i can make the decision to seek them out, and it’s helped so much!

#1 am thoughts #it really does just randomly occur to me #not that im super happy #but just going like ‘oh shit i truly was that depressed huh’

[breatheinbitedown]

i’m getting my bug out bags organized. one for my car (best case scenario) and one for my room (fallback if i can’t get to my car).

for now i’m sleeping with my key fob hidden in a specific spot in my bed to give me easy access and to make it hard for someone to slip in at night and take my keys. it’s next to my knife, just in case. hopefully soon i’ll have a taser i can keep on me instead rather than only having my knife to rely on.

the plan is to save the zipper pocket boxers for sleeping. one pocket will be for my car fob in a case so i can’t set the alarm off in the middle of the night. the other pocket will have the key to my padlock in it. that way i can sleep with them on my person, even in my unventilated room in the bama summer heat. when it’s cooler i can go back to sleeping in street clothes and keeping things in my pockets.

today we installed a latch system on my bedroom door. i wish i could use it 24/7 but the potential consequences put me in a body bag so for now it’s only there for emergencies. it should hold him off long enough for me to drop out of the window and make it to my car (or far enough from the house that they don’t know where to start looking immediately).

the trunk and the padlock are exciting. i can keep my emergency shit (important documents, highly sentimental items), the shit my dad likes to steal (my medication, money, wallet), and my “mind your business” shit (sex toys, my vape and smoking shit, my journals), and my devices (laptop, switch, my second phone that i *should* have in a couple of weeks). if i need to bail out quick - not emergency bug out quick, but get the hell out of dodge and figure out the rest of my shit later quick.

for now i’ve been staying out of the house from the moment i wake up til 1-2am. now my partner and i use discord to video call from my laptop overnight while we sleep (or try to sleep) to deter my dad from making his way in here at night. they’re working on getting obs set up to screen record the whole call so it’s like security footage almost. i’m case something happens.

the big thing now is that i’m not a minor. i’m a fully grown adult and i have a lot more going for me when he does things. my word is just as powerful as his because i’m not a kid anymore. on top of that, i have more eyes on things now. my partner, my mother in law, and my aunt (who my parents respect and are mildly terrified of).

my bedroom is directly off of the kitchen. the lights in the kitchen always stay on. i have my mugs on a rack over my bedroom door. so when my door gets opened, my mugs clang loudly and the room gets flooded with light. it’s like it’s own alarm system. there’s a box fan i keep on directly in front of the door, so anyone who tries to walk in has to stop and move it out of the way. it gives me a second to get my bearings before i have to potentially fight him off.

only a few more months. i’ll be out for good this time. i’ll be on my own phone plan and i’ll have a new number they don’t know. i’ll have the car title in my name. i’ll get my own car insurance. i’ll have my own health insurance. all of the things they refused to let me off of so they could keep me dependent. im not asking this time. i will never have to see any of them again. so i won’t. im so close. i survived worse i can survive this.

[enchantedpendant]

oooooo just administered and got my taxpayer number and my own health insurance oooooooooooooooooo im adulting

#oooOOOooOoOoOoOoooOh

[childabusesurvivor]

Sharing - I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health

New Post has been published on https://www.childabusesurvivor.net/reviews/2022/09/30/sharing-im-a-psychologist-and-i-believe-weve-been-told-devastating-lies-about-mental-health/

Sharing - I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health

Dr. Ashan writes some interesting things in the article below that you should go read, but maybe none more so than this paragraph:

“As a clinical psychologist who has been working in NHS services for a decade, I’ve seen first hand how we are failing people by locating their problems within them as some kind of mental disorder or psychological issue, and thereby depoliticising their distress. Will six sessions of CBT, designed to target “unhelpful” thinking styles, really be effective for someone who doesn’t know how they’re going to feed their family for another week? Antidepressants aren’t going to eradicate the relentless racial trauma a black man is surviving in a hostile workplace, and branding people who are enduring sexual violence with a psychiatric disorder (in a world where two women a week are murdered in their own home) does nothing to keep them safe. Unsurprisingly, mindfulness isn’t helping children who are navigating poverty, peer pressure and competitive exam-driven school conditions, where bullying and social media harm are rife.”

Of course, he’s right. What he sees in the UK is the same thing I see from my “much less qualified but simply paying attention” seat in the US, and I’m sure many of you see where you live as well. Our current mental health resources are designed to help “fix” something wrong with us. I can’t say they even do that well, but at least that is the plan, and that plan makes sense for many mental health struggles.

It is only part of the picture, though. In all seriousness, how would the 6-8 therapist sessions a good insurance plan covers help someone escaping domestic abuse or trying to feed a family on a minimum wage job? How is the teenager being abused at home, bullied at school, and overwhelmed by the bleakness of what the world might look like when they are an adult supposed to find hope in one crisis text line conversation?

How will we provide hope and connection to people without first understanding their world and how they navigate it every day?

If we are truly going to fix our mental health system and make a dent in the current state of mental health across the world, I genuinely believe we need a ton more resources than we currently have, and I also believe we need to address the environment in which people are trying to take care of their mental health.

Sometimes, it’s not the person whose thinking is broken. It’s the society they live in.

Tags:

ca https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/06/psychologist-devastating-lies-mental-health-problems-politics?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other&utm_source=pocket_mylist

#Abuse, #ACE, #Insurance, #MentalHealth, #Resources, #School, #SocialMedia, #Stress, #Trauma, #UK

#Abuse #ACE #Insurance #Mental Health #Resources #School #Social Media #Stress #Trauma #UK