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primergon · 3 years

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Hello i was wondering if i can request an TFP match up! ☺️

Im a ENFP, female, 5’5 and a scorpio

i go by she/her they/them im very talkative and interactive with people even with people i don’t really know im very good at starting conversations.

personality wise, i’m very kind and caring but i get irritated/angry very easily if poked the wrong way, i’m very ditsy and say stuff i never meant to say which cause issues, also very dramatic at certain stuff like shows and things i enjoy, im also very curious about things and i’m always try to learn more about people.

things i love are; cats and dogs, Drawing, doing makeup, drawing and writing for my friends, i also love coffee.

i get very clingy with my friends i enjoy hugging and hand holding (platonically). i also curse a lot when i don’t mean to. i try my best and help people around me but never really take care of my own mental health issues.

A/N: Hello anon, hope you are well! Thanks for sending your ask <3 I am indecisive so I think I'll pair you up with TFP Ratchet and Shockwave!

TFP RATCHET

01| Although Ratchet is more quiet and reserved personality-wise, he is attracted to your playful and lively nature. You insisted on befriending him, your outgoing nature leading you to start conversations with Ratchet. Even if he initially showed no interest in returning the gesture, he started to warm up to you. The doctor finds himself missing you, catching himself disturbed by the silence. Your chatter would usually keep him occupied, a background noise he enjoys to listen and engage with during work. Ratchet would nag you whenever you don't visit often ( he says he's worried that the location of this base may be compromised but everyone knows it's because he wants you to keep him company. )

02| Ratchet likes how curious you are at everything, he is inquisitive by nature. It warms his heart to see you playing with the children and the animals you pass by on patrol. Your genuine curiosity towards Ratchet's past made him open up to you. He's touched that you were willing to listen to him the same way he listens to you. As much as Ratchet scoffs at your dramatic retelling of the most recent episode of your favorite show, he's actually interested. You were surprised that he remembers every detail. " Don't just end the story there, what happened to your favorite character ?" " Wait, you were listening? So you do care !"

03| Arguments were inevitable, yet they don't happen often. You may share playful banter a handful of times, but serious disagreements were usually avoided through open communication. Both you and Ratchet are more emotionally attuned than others, and you both tend to say things you don't mean in an argument. No one likes to fight with their partners, so you both always make sure to find a solution to it. While Ratchet brings creative solutions and commitment to fixing problems, you offer a more flexible attitude that helps dissolve tension. Ratchet likes how you can make him smile whenever he's in a bad mood.

04| Both you and Ratchet can often forget to take care of yourselves. So you both take it upon yourselves to look out for another. He's not exactly clingy, but he will return gestures of affection when you're both alone. While your cursing may bother Ultra Magnus, Ratchet isn't phased, not when he likes to mutter curses under his breath on a particularly rough day too.

TFP SHOCKWAVE

01| Shockwave isn't completely detached from his emotions as everyone says. Cybetronians aren't robots, they can't just turn off their feelings and conscience. He has only suppressed them to the point of numbness. Yet, this doesn't mean he doesn't feel. He's curious about this growing attraction he has towards you. As cruel as it sounds he initially saw you as an experiment and he didn't notice your presence much. Until he starts hearing laughter from the corridors. He'd catch you chatting with the Vehicons and sharing quips with Knockout. He finds you strange. He finds you intriguing.

02| Shockwave is a logical thinker and prefers to discuss issues by addressing facts; while you generally prefer to address the emotional aspects of an issue. As much as he didn't want to admit it, you complete one another. There is balance in your work, and that is more than enough for Shockwave to start valuing you. Eventually, he doesn't only see you as an equal, but he sees you as someone special to him. It's been a while since he explored anything romantic towards anyone. At times you'd argue because of his bluntness, it would lead to a lot of miscommunication. However, you were more than happy to take the lead. Even if the gesture isn't outwardly noticeable, our scientist is also making efforts.

03| He likes to stare. At first, you think it's creepy, but then you realize he was admiring you. It took you a while to catch on when he doesn't have a face. His glowing red eye may be intimidating, but you don't miss the subtle show of love he has towards you whenever you pick up a stray cat to cuddle it. You weren't allowed to reveal your location to anyone but you were allowed to write letters to your loved ones ( after much convincing on your part. ) So he watches you neatly fold the paper into an envelop to be shipped back home. Shockwave says he's watching to supervise you so you won't compromise the Decepticon cause or reveal any sensitive information on your letters, but you once had caught him longingly hold the paper across his fingers.

04| He doesn't understand why you like to drink so much coffee when it tastes bitter. Yet he knows it makes you productive, so he would ask several Vehicons to fetch you some lattes. It was a funny sight, yet you are always thankful for the delivery after a long day in the lab. Shockwave would hold it out to you gently, making sure that your order is right every time. Your fingers would brush and he'd cradle your palm tenderly. It may be subtle, but coming from Shockwave, it was more than enough.

I hope you enjoy this Anon ! xx

#ratchet #ratchet tfp #tfp ratchet #tfp shockwave #shockwave #shockwave tfp #matchups #transformers matchup #transformers matchups #transformers x reader #transformers headcannons #transformers imagines #transformers imagine #transformers headcannon #transformers self insert #transformers prime #tfp #scenarios tfp

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yuuri-nsane · 3 years

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Last in Stock

Fandom: Yuuri On Ice

Ship: Viktuuri [Viktor Nikiforov x Katsuki Yuuri]

T/W: nothing, apart from swears, mild dirty jokes and recurring mentions of nudity? BAHAH IM SORRY I PROMISE THERES NOTHING GRAPHIC THO TOTALLY SFW

Summary: Yuuri Katsuki wanted nothing more than to spoil his lovely poodle, Vicchan, and if that meant playing a game of Truth or Dare in a broken elevator to attain the likes of a beautifully pink chew toy, he was game.

[Inspired by a little rough imagine I posted a while ago]

a/n: honestly dont even ask me how this happened, happy holidays!! i wish you all a very merry chrysler, and if you dont celebrate, a very happy december!

oh and dont forget, constructive criticism is always welcome! dont hesitate to tell me what you think of my work, and also! please please ple e a a s e tell me if you see any spelling mistake or grammatical errors! THANK YOUUU!

also please note that this will be posted to my ao3 account: @yuuri_nsane

---

This was not how he'd planned his Wednesday evening, two days before Christmas, to go. No, not at all.

He thinks back to the start of the day, wondering how exactly he'd wound up sitting in a broken elevator, positioned in between the third and fourth floor, having just ended a dastardly game of Truth or Dare with quite an attractive man.

Said attractive man was not only attractive, but also very, very naked, save for the pair of patterned purple socks still clad on his feet. He also had the entirety of the Russian National Anthem scrawled on his left leg, as well as a black eye and terribly painted nails: a bright hot pink that shrieked against impossibly pale skin. Not to mention the taunting pastel dog toy he was now cuddling with.

Yeah, no. Yuuri was stuck in a predicament - one far too mortifying yet amusing for his own comprehension.

How in the ever-loving fuck had this happened?

---

Katsuki Yuuri was a good person.

He loved his mom, fed his dog, never showed up late to work.

He was good at recycling - always remembering to separate the cardboard tube and plastic lid of the Pringles' can he'd eat out of during a late night binge.

He watered his plants religiously, and no, it didn't matter that one out of the four of them were fake. He loved all his plants equally, thank you very much.

He held the door open for people no matter how far away or close they were, and even when they did that awkward little jog, he made sure to give them a warm smile.

He cleaned after himself, not at all tolerating any bits of scrap paper or crumbs left as residue from a busy night of studying and stress eating, no matter how tired he was.

He even cleaned up after other people! Like, for example, when his roommate and best friend, Phichit Chulanont, had eaten too much takeout and could barely move - Yuuri had offered to clean up for him. Phichit, with somewhat of a moral compass thanks to Yuuri, had protested at first; Yuuri had replied with a gentle 'tsk' and a 'go get some rest, you can make it up to me by doing the dishes tomorrow and the day after that'.

And so, to conclude, Katsuki Yuuri was a good person.

So why, why exactly was he here, in the middle of a bustling mall at 2pm, so close to being trampled on in the midst of hectic shopping, staring down an unfairly good-looking stranger, both their hands having met in the middle - the middle being a cutesy dog toy, the last one in stock.

Yuuri had naively left his Christmas shopping till the very last minute, much like everyone else present in the store. He hadn’t intended to buy Vicchan another toy, Lord knows he had plenty more at home and that Yuuri’s bank account was suffering because of it. But it was Christmas, and if anything, his dog deserved the world.

One more as a little festive gift wouldn't hurt, and it certainly brought Yuuri a step closer to giving Vicchan ‘the world’.

And so, he needed this.

And he was not going to give up that easily, despite the fact that the universe decided to make his life just a little bit harder, since the opposition made Yuuri slightly more weaker in the knees than he'd like to admit.

He winced in the bright white lights of the shop, the Christmas music blaring and irritating, no longer as heart-warming as Yuuri had found it when he first entered. The excessive Christmas decorations made him cringe - it was as if one of Santa’s elves had puked all over the place.

"Why," the other man began, his voice oozing with honey, with charming remnants of an accent. His soothing verbal confrontation had caught Yuuri’s undivided attention. His hand was inching closer to the catalyst of this hassling event and Yuuri barely fought the urge to slap it away (or hold it tenderly), "I believe I saw this first."

Oh, heck no.

Yuuri scooted closer and desperately tried to ignore the blooming heat on his cheeks, "Actually, I think I did."

This did nothing to deter to the other man, who with his height, easily stood over Yuuri and glared ever so passive aggressively.

"Well, okay then! Since we can’t decide who gets the damn toy, why don't we settle this like men?"

The black haired male stared frozen in shock. He was not looking for a fight, no matter how eager he was to spoil his little poodle with all the gifts he warranted and more.

"Uh, I don't- um, I'm not looking for trouble!" Yuuri ranted swiftly, slowly pulling his hand away from the dog toy.

So close, yet so far.

It wasn't like he couldn't fend for himself, God knows he was stronger than most people with the avid workouts he did to prepare for dancing recitals.

(And let me tell you, Yuuri has never skipped leg day. Ever.)

But at the same time, he knew it would be less than ideal if the young man spent his Christmas holiday sporting a black eye or something similar.

In response to his quick exclamation, the silver haired male beside Yuuri also retracted his hand, a look of bafflement evident on his chiselled features.

"I-You..." he started, looking at Yuuri far too intensely than the other male was admittedly comfortable with.

A few seconds later, he burst out into laughter, his nose scrunching and eyes crinkling. He tilted his head back, arms grasping his middle.

He gasped for air, dramatically wiping a tear away, "You thought - you thought I wanted to fight for it! Like in some sort of - cliché romance where the two love interests fight for the main character's hand in marriage! Or something!" He babbled on, leaving Yuuri flustered and awfully ready to make a run for it.

In his fit of embarrassment, he raised voice, "Well, what the hell did you mean by 'settling this like men'! Of course I thought you wanted to get physical!"

Yuuri regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth.

"Physical? Well, I'll have you know I have a bit more class than that. I'd take you out on a date first, if anything."

The shorter male sputtered angrily, his blush not at all dying down, but instead doing the opposite. He glared at the other man, cursing his stupid pretty face and his stupid pretty voice.

And much to his luck, the blue-eyed villain pursued his words, snickering, “Not to mention here of all places! Quite the voyeur, are we?”

Yuuri was a Good Person™ - what the hell had he done to deserve this!

The taller male must've noticed Yuuri's increasing discomfort, and his teasing came to halt. He inclined his head in the direction of the damned chew toy and reiterated, "What I really meant was we could buy the toy and decide outside who gets to take it - like civilised human beings. You rest your case, I rest mine! Sound good?"

Yuuri pondered, before slowly nodding his head. It wsn’t like he had anything better to do, and he really wanted this dog toy. If only he knew the events that would follow soon after, he might’ve have ran fast and far before giving a real answer.

Fortunately, it seemed that both of them were just about finished with their shopping, the dog toy being last in each other's spontaneous list.

The light haired man took this as inclination to pluck the dog toy off the shelf, giving Yuuri a confirming look, and leading them both to the checkout.

They squeezed their way through the crowds; meandering, lifeless beings that swayed from aisle to aisle. Once they made it there, they payed for their own items separately, before splitting the money for the toy.

Afterwards, they made way to the elevator just two shops down, both agreeing to settle their dispute in the parking lot. They were on the top floor of the shopping centre, after all. Yuuri figured that the both of them would be more comfortable if they weren't surrounded by other people, who could very fairly judge them when arguing about the baby pink dog toy. Said baby pink dog toy had somehow found its way into Yuuri's grasp. If he wasn't such a good person maybe he'd have run away by now, pastel chew toy in hand. But damn it, he was, so he swallowed down the urge.

They stepped into the elevator, the shiny silver doors sliding apart before meeting in the centre. A sickening array of tinsel was hung to the upper corners, along with a few baubles hanging from them. Yuuri noticed the red ribbon twined in with the tinsel, and wanted to grimace at its tackiness.

The young dancer then turned to his companion, now realising how dangerous this situation actually was. Without thinking he blurted, "You're not a serial killer, are you?"

The other man raised an eyebrow. "Well no, but I wouldn't put it past myself to become one for the sake of that toy." He waved nonchalantly at Yuuri's hand, the chew toy dripping from his fingers.

Yuuri instinctively took a step back.

"Oh my God, I'm kidding!" The man chuckled, turning away and watching the numbers at the top of the elevator decrease gradually.

"So, uh, what do we do now?"

To this, the male looked back at Yuuri, and replied simply, "I come up with a sob story to convince you to give me the toy!"

Yuuri pursed his lips, unimpressed. He was tired but by God, was he so not above from entertaining the notion. "Okay, then. Go ahead. After you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

He was met with a smirk, a smirk far too devious for Yuuri's liking. Before the other man could attempt to pull at Yuuri’s heart strings, however, the room jarred and the two men in the elevator were sent tumbling to the ground.

"What just happened."

It came out more like a statement than a question, a robotic string of words that spewed from Yuuri's lips involuntarily.

"I think...I think the elevator just...broke down."

They stared at each other for a moment, and the next words came flying about - who said them exactly left a mystery.

"Oh, fuck."

---

They spent the first five minutes panicking, calling for help in such an inglorious manner that Yuuri was sure they'd both lose their voices. They spent the next few moments afterwards checking their phones, and resentfully realising that somehow, there was no reception. And that, of course, since the universe seemed to love good ol' Yuuri, that his phone was at a sad two percent.

His company's was no better, where his phone was at a fifteen, to which the taller man responded with a sheepish, 'I forgot to charge it last night too.'

They realised then that they had no choice but to wait until help miraculously found its way to them, and so they indulged in the waiting game.

The next hour or so consisted of the two bantering back and forth, 'sob stories' passed around like old folk's tales. They bickered and still, their argument over the dog toy was left unsettled, and Yuuri had to admit, it was kind of fun.

Time had whizzed past, and soon enough it was already 4:37pm. The other man spoke up suddenly, sat opposite Yuuri on the cold, hard ground of the elevator. His skin was painted in the gold of the old light that flickered above them, his blue eyes sparkling impressively. Yuuri wanted to look away, yet simultaneously couldn't find it in him to.

"I just realised that I don't know your name. And you don't know mine! Chances are, we'll be spending all night together," he wiggled his eyebrows. Yuuri choked in response, the other male continuing, "so let me introduce myself! Viktor Nikiforov!" He held out his arm out, humbly awaiting.

Yuuri clasped it gently, mumbling a near silent, "Yuuri Katsuki."

Viktor reacted with an all too cheery, "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Yuuri!"

They held hands for almost a second too long, until Yuuri forced himself to pull away.

The two men once again decided to engage in such chatter, bordering small talk. They joked and teased, each finding out more and more about the other.

Yuuri now knew that Viktor Nikiforov was four years older than he was, a good twenty-six, and had a lovely little poodle he called Makkachin, or Makka for short. (He guessed that she was the reason for Viktor's desperate need for the dog toy.) He was Russian, and moved to the states just a few weeks before his nineteenth birthday. His favourite food was Borscht, a beef stew mixed with all sorts of vegetables, and that he almost burnt his kitchen down once upon a time trying to make it. And, to Yuuri's surprise, Viktor was a choreographer for all sorts of dances, his specialty being ballet and contemporary.

In response to this sudden spout of information, Yuuri had offered his own age and his dog's name and breed. He also told Viktor that his parents were from Japan, but moved to Detroit to start a hot springs. He explained too, that his favourite food was Katsudon, a pork cutlet rice bowl, and that his mother made the best of them.

Yuuri even mentioned his own career in dancing, to which Viktor had reacted to with an animated widening of his eyes and a contemplative 'really?'.

He also swears that Viktor had checked him out soon afterwards, but maybe that was just his mind playing tricks on him.

Soon enough, boredom got the best of the two, having spent the last three hours doing nothing but lounge around. Their phones were now completely out of battery (no, Yuuri didn't spend the last two percent playing Candy Crush-); they were hungry and unentertained, and it didn't take long for Viktor to begin whining.

Immediately, he shot up, forcing Yuuri into a frightened jolt.

"Sorry, sorry - I was just thinking, since I'm bored and you're bored, we should play Truth or Dare!"

Yuuri stared, "Really? Your first thought was child's play?"

"Aw, please! Yuuri, don't be like that! I'm literally dying of boredom-"

"Stop being so dramatic, Viktor."

Viktor ignored him, "-and you know what! We could settle this," he gestured rapidly to the dog toy, where it lay in between them, holy and seemingly unattainable.

Yuuri had never been more stupid to have asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, we play Truth or Dare, and whoever forfeits first means that the other gets the toy! And bragging rights!"

He crawled over to Yuuri, too close for comfort, and drawled, "Pretty please?"

Yuuri, feeling scandalised and suddenly like a hormonal prepubescent teen, pressed himself up against the wall, looked away and squeaked a feeble, "Okay, fine!"

He felt regret seep into his soul for the umpteenth time that day.

---

He sighed.

Yuuri Katsuki was a good person.

He was a good person and he knew so much.

And so he wondered again, quite bitterly, why and how the planets had aligned in such a way to quite literally fuck him over in this elevator, where the most handsome man he'd ever seen was now lying in front of him, naked and quite the hot mess - a result of playing Truth or Dare.

Viktor, being the proud little shit he was, had chosen nothing but Dare - whether to egg Yuuri on or likewise.

Yuuri had wasted the pink nail polish he'd just bought for his sister Mari in response: his first dare being a cheap jab at the man's dignity. Though, it did little to do so, as Viktor painted his nails happily, albeit messily, and wore his paint job loud and proud.

After that, he had dared the man to write the Russian National Anthem on his leg with a black sharpie, one he’d conveniently carried around in his coat’s breast pocket. Viktor had done so entirely without complaint, going as far as to showcase his leg in a fucking split.

The dares that followed were mild, if not slightly concerning - Yuuri having dared Viktor to lick the floor, to pluck the hanging tinsel from the corners of the elevator and stuff it in his mouth, to try and do a handstand, to stand on one foot for two minutes and so on.

Watching Viktor, physical perfection on legs, trying to stuff a wad of sparking red tinsel down his throat was more amusing than Yuuri cared to say, and it came to show that the taller man was just as human as he was, despite his uncanny appearance to that of a greek god.

Although Yuri didn't even want to recall how Viktor had ended up wearing nothing but his socks, and even the nasty black eye now splotching across his fair skin.

He was more than happy to block that out from his memory.

Because of this, he’d stuck religiously to choosing Truth, not at all willing to risk whatever was left of his self-respect, in fear that Viktor would take no pity on him and get his revenge.

In fact, the worst question Viktor had asked him was,

"What's your biggest turn on?"

And Yuuri, being the sad, and easily embarrassed person that he was, had panicked and briskly declared, "Katsu...don?", his confidence soon blinking out like a candle flame halfway through saying so - it was evident in his statement all but becoming a gratifying question.

It was 6:29pm, and Yuuri's sure that help was on its way - for he could hear the bustling of what he assumed to be mall security outside the elevator. He wondered briefly, how worrying it would be for the two men to step out the elevator, one untouched, and the other looking as though they'd flushed themselves down the toilet. Repeatedly.

Yuuri kept his gaze away from Viktor and his...glory. He scowls, remembering how Viktor won the dog toy fair and square: Yuuri having refused to carry on playing after Viktor's little strip tease. Or whatever the hell it was.

He sighs another sad sigh, shaking his head and wishing for oblivion.

---

It was 7:01pm, when the elevator doors were finally opened. Yuuri and Viktor were helped up, blankets wrapped securely around the both of them - specifically Viktor, for obvious reasons.

Security were nothing short of polite but it was safe to say that when they managed to open the elevator doors, the last thing they were expecting was a 5'9" Russian man to come stumbling out, naked and, oh yes, naked.

They were ushered to a nearby bench on the fourth floor, surrounded by nearby onlookers who were whispering amongst themselves. The mall security had asked them politely to wait by, probably to offer some sort of compensation, Yuuri expected.

They sat in silence: hungry and tired - most definitely ready to go home, after a lovely evening spent stuck in the elevator for roughly five hours.

Viktor clutched at the dog toy and his blanket - his clothes and plastic shopping bag resting rumpled on his lap. Yuuri kept his head ducked down, listening pathetically to Mariah Carey and her silky singing echoing in the mall.

All I want for Christmas, Yuuri pondered spitefully: beyond mortified by the near nude man beside him and his demeaning loss when playing Truth or Dare, is to dig my own grave!

Suddenly, Viktor spoke up besides Yuuri.

"I was thinking-"

"No! Viktor, when you think, it ends badly!" Yuuri exclaimed, turning to point at Viktor's general being and the chew toy that he held loosely, "that was traumatic."

"It's nothing bad! Or at least I don't think it is..." Viktor helpfully supplied.

Wait, was as he, blushing?

"...What is it then?"

"Do you, uh...thinkthatVicchanwouldliketohaveaplaydatewithMakka?"

"Huh?"

Viktor coughed, bringing his hand up to the back of his neck. His blanket fell from his shoulders and rested at his waist. Yuuri kept his gaze from trailing down, and could've sworn he was going to have a heart attack.

"I just...uhm, do you want to, maybe, uh...organise a play date for our dogs, or something?"

Yuuri straightened up immediately.

"You, you don't have to say yes! I'm sorry! I-I get that you're probably really busy, since Christmas is in like, two days, and you might have better things to do than go out with me - I mean, go out with my dog, wait, no! I mean-" Viktor rambled on, his face getting redder by the minute.

Yuuri, being the good, merciful, and apparently brave that person he is, disregarded all rational thought and leaned in to kiss Viktor on his cheek; a sweet press of his lips to soft skin that made the dark haired male tingle all over.

He pulled away, noting the relentless flush that started from Viktor's hairline, all the way down to his toned chest. And along with that, the older man's abrupt silence. He stared quizzically at Yuuri, reaching to touch the cheek that had been kissed.

"I'd love for our dogs to have a play date. But on one condition," Yuuri teased, a devilish grin making its way into his face, "you take me on that date, okay, Viktor Nikiforov? We can't afford to forget about class, now can we?"

He was bombarded with a humiliated shriek: a high-pitched squeal that left Viktor's lips, which stringed along like music to the younger man's ears, and a promise for a date - both for his dog and himself.

This was not how he'd planned his Wednesday evening, two days before Christmas, to go. No, not at all.

But he certainly wasn't complaining. Anymore, at least.

---

BONUS:

“I’ll see you later, Viktor! Um, merry Christmas! Oh, yeah and Monday, alright, Vicchan and I will see you then! Call me!” Yuuri all but whispered hastily, carrying his shopping and Viktor’s heart away with him to the other side of the parking lot.

Luckily, their cars were in the same district, and the Russian watched dreamily as Yuuri made his way to his car, and he himself got into his. He giggled bashfully, glad he forgot to go Christmas shopping last week.

What were the chances that he’d have ended up spending five hours with such an attractive and certainly interesting man, in the small confines of a horribly decorated elevator?

He smiled softly, making one last assessment of his things. His watch, shoes, shirt, pants - it was all here! Along with his shopping bag, Yuuri’s number and-

Wait.

Where...

Where was the dog toy?

Viktor didn’t enough time to fully wrap his head around the disappearance of the chew toy, before he heard maniacal laughter, and a dark blue Volkswagen blurring past. The car’s windows were rolled down, an insulting pastel pink lolling out slightly.

“Finders, keepers!”

A mortified gasp.

“Yuuri!”

Fin

---

Taglist:

@maximoffzinha @the-immortal-thylacine @holaboiiiiis

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side-effect-of-the-meds · 5 years

Note

Okay so its okay if u dont do this, i underdstand but if ever you do im wondering what Aaron's reaction is once he finds out what happened to Erin? Im just desperate for twinyards. How does he take it and will he ever find out what happened to her in all those foster homes and her scars?

Sorry this took so long, love! You’ve probably lost interest but here’s the answer anyway. I’ve got another request for Twinyards so I’m saving the scars bit for that.

They were only playing around when it happened. Katelyn had been riling Aaron up since he’d walked through the door, teasing him, laughing at him. The breaking point had been when she started to tickle him.

“Katelyn, stop,” he gasped through fits of laughter.

“Say please,” she cooed. Aaron could barely catch his breath, let alone say please. Instead, he caught her by her wrists and flipped her over so he sat straddling her. Pinning her arms down on either side of her face he closed the distance between the two of them. He speckled kisses all over her face. Katelyn laughed at the ridiculous display of affection from him. As he pulled back, he saw her face flushed with her arms pinned on either side. Her long blonde hair had come unbound and was splayed across the white bedsheets. Suddenly, the sheets were soaked red. The hands pinning her down weren’t his own. They were far too big to be his. Drawing his gaze back to Katelyn’s face, it wasn’t Katelyn he had pinned down. In her place was a face identical to his own, haloed by pale gold hair. Tears streamed down the girl’s face. Manic laughter echoed through Aaron’s head.

“Erin!” he shrieked as he toppled off the bed. Scrambling backward, he felt his back hit the door. Aaron felt as if there were chains binding his torso. He clawed desperately at his chest, trying to tear off chains that weren’t really there. He couldn’t breathe.

“Aaron. Aaron, it’s me. It’s Katelyn.” Aaron’s gaze snapped up to see Katelyn kneeling a foot in front of him. Her hands were outstretched, hovering around his face. He grabbed them and cupped them around his face. Sobs wracked his body and he felt Katelyn get closer. She dropped a hand from his face and wrapped her arm around him. She drew him into her lap. Aaron didn’t know how long he sat there crying, only that Katelyn didn’t leave him the entire time.

It had been three weeks since Erin had been shipped off to Easthaven. Aaron hadn’t even known that she was leaving. Josten had been the one to tell him. The words had barely left her mouth before he’d shot out of his chair, knocking it over in the process. He’d torn down the hall and flung open the front door. Aaron had run all the way down the street before collapsing to his knees. Digging his hands into the ground, he ripped hunks of grass out and screamed up at the sky. He curled up in a ball and lay there for a few seconds, minutes, hours. Something nudged him and he turned to look up. A hand had appeared out of the sky. For half a second, Aaron thought it was God coming to save him from his misery. It was only Josten. He smacked her hand away and got to his feet on his own. Trudging back to the house, he wiped the tears from his eyes. He smeared snot all over his shirt sleeve but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“What did you think running was going to accomplish?” Josten asked him when she found him searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels. Aaron just stared at the floor.

“Why are you different?” he whispered. He looked over at Josten. A frown creased her brow. “I know you’re not that stupid,” he spat. “Why does Erin treat you differently? What makes you so special? Why does she do things for you?”

Now it was Josten’s turn to avoid his gaze. He watched as she shrunk into her sweater. No. Not hers. The sweater she wore belonged to Erin, a Christmas present from Nicky. He had watched his sister chuck it in Josten’s face before they’d left for the drive out here. After a few endless minutes, she finally answered. “Because we’re the same,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked. With a sigh, Ania told him about men with sharp smiles and roaming hands. She told him about their stale alcohol breath and the weight of them bearing down on her. She told him about a boy in Millport that’s shoved her up against the lockers so many times that she’d lost count. Tears slipped from Aaron’s eyes against his will. Little by little, the pieces of the puzzle clicked together.

“That’s why you never come near us,” Aaron said softly as she finished her story. He watched the slow nod of her head. “Josten.” Her eyes remained glued to the floor. “Ania,” he said. Slowly, she dragged her gaze up to meet his. “I hate you but I won’t ever hurt you,” he said. A small smile tinged her lips. Aaron could have sworn his soul left his body. Even tired and broken, Ania Josten was stunning. Not as stunning as Katelyn, of course, but she had her appeal.

“Erin would kill you if you tried,” she replied. Aaron huffed a laugh. She was right. Brother or not, Erin would never stand for him doing anything even remotely resembling what the two of them had survived. “You know, it’s 2 a.m., right?” Aaron cursed softly and Ania’s smile grew. “Get to bed. I’ll drive us home in the morning.” Aaron let her take the bottle from him and trudged up the stairs alone. He felt a shard of pain wrench his heart as he passed Erin’s room. Collapsing into his bed, he let his exhaustion drag him into sleep. That night he dreamt of dark red blood smeared across golden hair and pale wrists.

---

Loving his sister was undoubtedly the hardest thing Aaron had ever done. In the three years that he’d known her, she had always shut him out. A lot of it made sense now. Her last brother had been a disgusting excuse for a human being. How could she expect Aaron to be any better? Sitting in the booth at the diner, Aaron found himself resenting the fact that all the Foxes were together. As soon as Erin was out of the picture, Kevin and his cousin had started cozying up to the upperclassmen. A pang of guilt always stuck him in the gut as he felt the Katelyn’s arm wind around his waist. As soon as Erin was out of the picture, he’d started cozying up with Katelyn in front of the others too. Didn’t that make him just as bad? That night he let Katelyn kiss him until his brain couldn’t form a single coherent thought.

Laying beside her, he traced patterns across her exposed stomach. All of the cheerleaders were pure lean muscle. All except Katelyn. Unknown to most, her uniform hid a layer of fat on her abdomen. Katelyn had been self-conscious about taking her shirt off in front of him the first time but it hadn’t taken him long to convince her he loved it just as much as the rest of her.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he’d asked. “It’s the world’s most heavenly pillow.” Katelyn’s bright laughter had filled the room as he rested his chin on it. Staring up at her, Aaron was convinced that he was staring right at the sun. Being so close to the sun would only burn him up and Aaron knew it. Hearing her laughter, Aaron decided that he wouldn’t mind if it was for her.

Now as she lay sleeping, Aaron felt soft and sleepy himself. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the sound of her murmuring his name softly in her sleep. A thought cut through his sleep-addled brain. Could Erin ever have this?

Aaron knew that his sister deserved someone who loved her more than anyone he’d ever met. But who? Kevin definitely wasn’t good enough for her. Matt seemed fond of her but that didn’t seem quite right either. Erin needed someone who understood what she’d been through. Someone who wouldn’t push her any further than she was willing to go. She needed someone who’d whisper her name like a prayer.

There is someone, Aaron realized. His thoughts turned to a person with a smile that could easily light the stadium all on its own. A person who always took no for an answer, and so, was never denied a single request. A person who he’d once heard whisper, ‘Jude’ in her sleep like the prayer of a sinner on her deathbed.

Loving Erin Jude Minyard was damnation itself. Aaron knew his sister was all hard lines and sharp edges. She was all vice with no discernible virtue but Aaron didn’t care. He had spent his entire life feeling sorry for himself, believing that there wasn’t a soul in the world more deserving of salvation than his own. From the moment he’d laid eyes on the empty shell of a person that Erin was, he’d known he was wrong. Never before had Aaron felt such shame as he did when he realized the depth of his own selfishness.

Being raised by a drug-addict and her endless string of short term boyfriends only bought Aaron so many concessions and he knew he’d used them up long ago. Aaron’s self-centeredness had hurt more people than he cared to admit. He was no saint and he didn’t have any intention of becoming one. Still, some small part of him wondered if he lived out the remainder of his life trying to make amends for all he’d done before maybe, just maybe, he’d get to glimpse his sister standing behind the gates of heaven on his way down to hell.

The next morning at practice, he watched a girl who’d once outshone the sun collapse into herself like a dying star, sucking up every shard of light and joy as she went. Watching her, Aaron began to think he’d found the only person who cared more for his sister than he did. Erin deserved better. He was sure of it but they were Foxes. They’d never get what they deserved. Settling for less was an art form that every one of them had been forced to master.

Screwing his eyes shut, he prayed with sincerity for the first time in a long time. “Please,” he whispered. “Just let my sister be happy. Even if it’s with Josten. With Ania.”

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simplyoriginalcharacters · 7 years

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((So hopefully this profile will make it through. I had to rewrite it and hopefully I left nothing out. I did as much chopping as I could for him. This was a character that was one of my original “villains”. I made him in 2004, and I’ve never fleshed out his story until now. Because he’s still “new” to me, I’m worried that his background, character, and overall personality are a bit too confusing.

This is Mod D here! Review and profile are under the cut!

World: He is a Character in the AU Earth that my cousin and I have created, but It takes place in the sea during the year 2036.

Quick Facts: The merpeople are rather insular and they tend to associate with people who come from their own kingdoms. They treat their children in ways that humans would see as rough, but this is part of their culture, making sure that their children can survive in the harsh ocean. Foreigners are welcome, but are watched carefully.

In terms of the kingdoms, Zibitza is very hostile to humans while Argiak works with the humans to make their community better.

Merpeople can travel on land and if they “dry out” they can live on land for a few days. ))

Name: Makorios Tamesis

Aliases: “Mako”, “Irappū’s Son”.

Gender: Male

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

Age: He’s actually 80 years old, but he looks 35.

Race: Merperson

Birthdate: Not recorded, but he thinks June 6.

Birthplace: Zibitza in the Pacific Ocean, near Madagascar.

Occupation: He is a Sorcerer or Demon Slayer of some sorts.

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Group/Organizational Affiliations: None at the moment. He’s an independent person.

Family Jaron: He loves his son with all of his heart. He knows that he made some mistakes with him, and he wishes that he could go back in time to fix it, but he knows that he can’t. Despite that, he is always there for his son when he needs him. When asked, Jaron explains that he does love his father, and that he believes that there is a good person in him. He thinks that he’s been hurt too much and he puts up this wall. He’s told him before that although he loves him, he is afraid of him at the same time because he can never know what he is going to do.

Irappū: Irappū was his mother. She was an infamous Sorceress who terrorized the Sea. They had a harsh relationship because she abused his brother. She loved him the most, and he hated how she treated his brother because he was born without magic. He was glad to learn a bit of magic from her, but not everything. Although she is dead, and he is glad because she won’t harm his brother anymore, he misses her because there are a lot of things that he would like to learn about these demons that she summoned.

Andirias: He and Andi are mirror twins. Growing up, he was his only friend and he spent most of his life protecting him from their mother. They always have each others backs and they stick up for one another.

Danyel Tamesis: She was the mother of his child. He liked her because she was intelligent and she spoke her mind. In the time that he knew her, he realized that she could have made a life with her, but she left for an important trip. Merpeople don’t have surnames, but he uses hers out of respect.

Best Friends: He doesn’t really have any friends because he purposefully isolates himself. If he had a best friend, it would be his brother, Andi.

Relationship Status: Widowed and Single.

Significant Other: Danyel was the mother of his son, who is half human, but he has never told him about her because of what happened to her.

Other Relationships: In the past he had a relationship with someone named Rococo. They parted on really bad terms, and he still hates him for leaving. Rococo had a son named Trent. He just doesn’t like him.

He also works with a man named Emory Kensington, but in his opinion he leaves him alone because there is something off about him. He’s good on promises, but his demeanor is extremely sketchy and troublesome.

Height: 6’ 6" when he’s on land, but he’s around 17 feet long when he’s underwater.

Weight: 400lbs on land, and 430lbs when underwater.

Build: Athletic and muscular and like a swimmer.

Skin Tone: He has dark skin with mahogany undertones.

Hair: Very long and Jet black. When closely inspected, he has natural purple highlights in it. He usually has hair jewelry somewhere on himself.

Eyes: He has haunting eyes. In both forms, they are bright green, with light green sclera.

Identifying Marks: One of his most identifying marks is the fact that the lower half of him is an octopus.

Appearance: Mako looks just like his mother; so much so that if he wore her jewelry then they would look just alike. He may be of Indian or Bengali descent. He has dark skin with mahogany undertones, and towards his hands his skin gets darker. He has dark eyebrows that always seem to be in a smug setting, full lips that are dark, and if he smiles he has sharp, straight teeth. His hair is black, long and thick and it always appears to be damp if he is on land. It goes down past his waist and when closely examined, it is very fine gills that look like hair. He has some hair jewelry that consist of some silver cuffs that he found. He has intricate markings or tattoos that are on his arms and back. He’s an octopus, so his lower half resembles a black octopus with a purpleish-black underside and bioluminescent spots on his skin. He has an inside joke where he talks about his twin brother. He tells people that if they want to see what he looks like with blonde hair, then they just have to look for his brother. He looks just like him, but his hair is blonde, and his octopus body is more reddish than black. Although it is not part of his appearance, he, Andi, Irappū, and Jaron all have a really particular way of talking. Their accents have been described as French-Indian sounding ones and they enunciate each word.

Personality: At first he comes off as just a bitter person. He is a self made loner and he’s hard to trust. He is cunning and he does spend much of his time plotting, so although he does get talkative, he’s very silent most of the time. He is secretly someone who feels that he will never live up to the standards that someone gives him. Growing up with Irrapū was difficult because she believed that Fear was power, and she forced him to be hostile and rather cold. She told him to never trust others, and that if he was going to survive, he had to learn how to manipulate others. After his breakup with Rococo, his heart was broken and he was lost for a while. He did date a human woman, and although he loved her, he loved Rococco even more. When dealing with his brother, he very kind to him. He listens to him, and if his brother makes a request, then he honors it. He truly loves Jaron, and when interacting with him he’s a different person. He’s one of those parents who is afraid to say “no” to their child. He can’t spend a lot of time with him, but when he does, he gives into anything that his son asks.

Motivations: Revenge

Current Goal: He is currently fighting a Netherworld Necromancer that has decided to take some things from him.

Life Goal: To be a good father to Jaron

Motto: “Im like the ocean, you can never trust me”.

Best Quality: If you can trust him, he’s a good ally. He will protect those that he deems worthy, and if he feels like it, he would throw his life on the line to keep someone safe.

Worst Quality: He is a vengeful guy. He is sometimes so focused on getting someone back, that he doesn’t care who gets hurt in the process. If he wants someone dead, then he will do anything in his power to carry that out.

Fears: Losing his brother or his son.

Hobbies: Destroying ships, reading spell books, and writing. He writes horror stories when he’s bored.

Talents: Part of it is learned from his mother, but he has a natural affinity towards magic. He can also read very fast and he is learning spells from the Netherworld.

Abilities: Like all merpeople he is telepathic, immune to the cold, and he can live on land. He’s much stronger, more durable than a normal human, and he is faster than one as well. His senses are 10 times stronger than those of a human, and they are stronger when he is in water. He is an octopus, and like all octupus based merpeople, he actually has the ability to shapeshift for a limited time. He can swim as deep as 50,000 miles under the sea as well. He is a Necromancer, so he can easily summon dead sea creatures to aid him if he needs them to.

Skills: Potion making, creating curses, summoning things, and sneaking.

Secret: He purposely wanted his son to be half-human, but he’s never explained why.

Influential Memory: Protecting his brother from his mother. He’s always been really protective of him.

Role Model: Unfortunately, his role model was his mother. As evil as she was, she has taught him many important life lessons.

Crush: His crush has always been Rococo.

Source of Embarrassment: He’s embarrassed by the fact that he may not be enough. He’s not as strong as his mother, and he feels that Rococo left him because he couldn’t be something that he was not.

Source of Pride: He’s proud of the fact that he’s infamous. People leave him alone because of this, and he likes it.

History:

Makorios was the son of a sea witch named Irappū, who was infamous for causing trouble in the sea. She was also a greedy and every year, she would have a child and sacrifice it so that she could keep her Magic. She gave birth to two children, naming her twin boys Makorios and Andirias. They were pre-teens when Mako started to demonstrate magical abilities. When she learned of this, she started to treat Mako better than his brother, feeding him instead of Andi and beating his brother whenever she was upset. The brothers; much against their mothers wishes, visited a Shaman who told them of how their mother gained and kept her powers. Mako pretended that his magic had gone away so that they both could be safe. It took everything in him, but she was convinced. One day, Mako used his magic to protect Andi from some hunters, and his mother saw. He knew that he was in trouble, but Andi was in danger. She took him and she was going to preform her ritual when she felt that he needed more training. She abandoned Andi and she took Mako under her wing. He was devastated, but he knew that this was the only way to keep him safe. Irappū pulled her most drastic stunt yet where she seduced the King and she caused him to kill the prince. The kingdom was distraught with the loss and the two of them went into hiding. That night, he found the amulet of the King and he went back to the kingdom to give it to them. He was arrested, but he gave them an ultimatum. He told them that he would give them the location of Irappū only if the guards took Andi on as an official guard. They agreed and Andi was taken. Irappū was formally charged with treason, summoning demons, and using Magic for illicit means, and her punishment was that her arms were removed. Mako chose to stay with her and she trained him. As his skills grew he perfected his shapeshifting and he would occasionally visit his brother in disguise. Unlike his mother, Mako never went on land much. As days passed he started to feel sick for no reason, and when she returned a few days later she handed him an interesting necklace. She then told him that he now had a new powers that he could use at his disposal. Remembering how she got most of her powers, he was horrified at what she possibly had done. As Irappū slept, Mako was going to kill her, but he knew that Andi would never forgive him for doing something so drastic. He was going to leave when she attacked him out of nowhere. She knew what he was going to do and she was tired of waiting for him to get stronger. Using her tentacles, she choked him, but in self-defense, he grabbed a knife and stabbed her. He reported it to the guards, where they came to collect her and he escaped. He escaped to the Atlantic Ocean where he found the kingdom of Argiak. He hated to do it, but he came out of his shell and he offered to help the villagers with some things. They were amazed by his magic, and he sort of worked as an impromptu Shaman healer for them. He was enjoying himself for a while until he started to worry about Andi. He knew that he couldn’t go back to meet with him, and although he had acquaintances, he was really lonely. He was hunting one day when he met someone interesting. It was a Merman with blue skin and red eyes. He looked like he was foreign, but he couldn’t be sure. They fought at first, but then they stopped when the Blue guy recognized a necklace that Mako had on. They spoke to one another for a while and he earned that his name was Rococco. Apparently Rococco was a bit of a wild card and they let him do whatever in the village because his former parents were Antiquarians. He loved collecting human artifacts and Mako liked his attitude. They became engaged and Rococco became a guard. Mako asked him if it would be possible for him to get his brother transferred over to the Argiak guards. Within a few weeks, Andi was there and Mako was so happy to see his brother. As he and Rococco got closer, things were getting a bit tumultuous. Mako was not good at explaining himself to Rococco and he kept a lot of things from him, while Rococco was extroverted, and he always expressed his feelings. After an argument, Rococco left and Mako had no idea where he was. This went on for days and even months before Andi told him that he had seen Rococco swimming somewhere. Mako followed him one day to where he was going. He used his magic to disguise himself and he followed him to the coast of England. He watched as he got out of the water and he met a girl on the beach. They spoke for a while and disappeared up the shore. One day when Rococco was on guard duty, Mako swam to England and he went to the shore. He saw the woman, changed his appearance and he spoke with her. She assumed that he was a displaced merperson and she helped him out by giving him food and a blanket. Her name was Elisa and they spoke for a while. She told Mako that she was a few months pregnant and she was worried that she couldn’t carry her child to term because she was pretty sure that it wasn’t human. He abruptly left and returned to where Rococco was stationed. He confronted him, asking him about Elisa and who she was. Rococco told him that she was a Duchess of some sorts, and they slept together one day. He didn’t know that she was pregnant and he was really worried. He figured that it was his responsibility to take care of her because something like this has never happened before. Rococco then explained that he was going to stay in England. Mako was enraged and he asked Rococco why would he do that if they were going to be together. Rococco explained that if she died carrying the child, then the humans could turn on them and attack their people. He also said that they needed some time apart because they both had issues to work out. He then left. Mako was infuriated with what had happened, but instead of explaining everything to his brother, he escaped to another, more isolated part of the sea. Like his mother, he started to take his anger out on innocent ships that passed by and he started to use his powers again conjuring creatures that attacked swimmers and attacking people himself. Years passed before he returned to the surface again. As he was on the beach, he was approached by an odd child. The kid had the exact same eyes and arm stripes as Rococco himself. He spoke to the kid, who told him that his name was Trent and he asked him about where his father was. Trent didn’t tell him much, but as he spoke, Mako noticed that the kid had his mothers razor blade necklace on. He attacked Trent, giving him a scratch on his arm and he took his necklace back. Within an hour, Rococco found him and he threatened him for harming his child, to which Mako commented on how he could tell that his child was weak like his mother. Mako that night he learned to take on a human form and he was enjoying his solitude on the beach when a woman approached him. She was a marine biologist named Danyel and she was interested in learning more about the merpeople. They spoke for a while and Mako liked her because she was extremely intelligent and matter-of-fact. They started to love one another and she didn’t care that he was a merperson. She soon had to go on a trip to another state and she left him. Mako returned to the sea for a while, and he was approached by Andi, who told him that someone was looking for him. He followed his brother to the village and he saw that it was a merperson. The man had the same odd tattoos that his mother had, and this man told him that Irappū had unsettled debts to her name. Mako had figured that this man was a demon, and he agreed to pay and they left. Mako had no idea how to deal with a demon, so he decided to kill it on the spot, telling Andi that he was attacked first. Mako decided to make a trip to the land, but he noticed that something was off because Danyel was missing. He asked around town and many people said that they saw that she never went shopping that week. They told him where she lived and when he went to her house, it was horrible. Danyel was killed and someone carved something into her arm. He heard something strange coming from upstairs and when he looked around, he saw that there was a baby in a crib. He saw that his eyes were green like his. He took the baby and when he brought it into the water, it was a merperson like him. He found Andi and he explained everything to him. He showed him the child as well and Andi was happy, but confused. Mako asked if he could watch this child for him. He needed to keep the baby safe. Before he left, he gave the baby his necklace, and told Andi to call the child, Jaron. Mako was gone for years. When he returned he bought the house that Danyel had lived in and he made it his home for his son. He was on his way to visit Andi when he was greeted by the young adult himself. Mako was shocked at how much Jaron looked like him and Danyel. Jaron hugged him and he said that Uncle Andi told him about him. He felt that he did a good job raising him, but he wanted to meet Mako now. Mako, who was a bit shocked, agreed and he went to thank his brother. From Andi, Mako learned that Jaron was a good kid and he would occasionally catch him sneaking onto land, but he was dead set on being something called a Cellist because he red about it in a book one time. Mako agreed and he thanked his brother again for taking care of his son. Mako enrolled his son in school where he became a band kid and he learned how to play the Cello. Mako started to understand his son and he saw many aspects of Danyel and himself in him. He discovered that when he raided a demon coven, this caused many of them to escape, so he spends his time hunting them down. He never did reconcile with Rococco because he was so upset, but he was approached by Rococco’s son, Trent. Trent was a good kid and he saw a lot of aspects of his mother in him, but he was impulsive like his father, which was something that Mako hated. They spoke for a while before Mako attacked him out of annoyance. Trent wants to know him better, but Mako wants nothing to do with him.

Hello again!

Before we get into the review proper, I’d like to address your prefacing comments. Specifically in-regards to having ‘hopefully left nothing out’ of Mako’s profile. There’s actually plenty that can be left out from a character’s profile! Profiles aren’t meant to be exhaustive encyclopedias that cover every single detail of a character’s life (and the lives of other characters around them). Profiles are meant to focus on explaining the important aspects and context necessary to understanding a character’s identity. Focusing on including everything just ends up leaving the key stuff buried and hard to find.

With that in mind, to start the review I’d like to address the biggest issue of Mako’s profile – the History section. It makes up for a full half of the information and word count present in the profile itself, which is an awful lot of information to read through. While there is important context here regarding Mako’s character (his upbringing, how he learned magic, etc.) all of the key details about him are bogged down with overly exacting explanations involving other characters. Especially regarding comparing Mako to his mother/establishing her character – it feels like a good third of the backstory section ends up describing her instead of the profile’s actual main character. If you want to keep some of the information on other characters, put it into a Relationships section instead.

As far as rewriting the History section goes, think of it like the aftermath of a road trip. Instead of giving an verbatim itinerary that follows every street and intersection and details everything that Mako and the other characters did every day, present it more like a page from a photo album. Capture the few key moments that make Mako who he is and keep the focus on his perspective of those moments. Other characters can and should be mentioned, but the History section should focus on important instances from Mako’s point of view rather than presenting an objective account that tries to cover everything. While there’s no uniform length that a character’s History section ought to be, I’d suggest attempting to keep things in between a page and a page and a half at the most as an experiment to see what details absolutely must be included/explained and what can be cut out.

On the same token, the first half of Mako’s profile isn’t immune to this issue either. Some of the sections seem to drift in focus, moving tangentially away from whatever the topic at hand was to detail information either better included elsewhere or saved for the actual story. For example, take a look at the ‘Significant Other’ blurb – 'Danyel was the mother of his son, who is half human, but he has never told him about her because of what happened to her.’ This section should be solely focused on identifying Mako’s Significant Other (Danyel) and his status to her (Separated). Instead, the focus immediately shifts to Mako’s son and the relationship he has with his father. While that isn’t bad information, it’s not relevant to the topic at-hand and should be relocated elsewhere. Keeping the focus tight and trimming up extraneous details would help make the profile easier to follow.

Beyond that, I don’t really have much to offer regarding Mako’s capabilities or powers. His magic is explained and the effects of his merman physiology are as well. I would suggest to punch up some of the aspects of his Description and Personality sections though. For example, Mako’s Identifying Marks section just mentions his octopus-like lower half. While it is true that is a distinct identifier, it’s also the only one listed and is incredibly blatant. What about additional details? Specific scars? The tattoo-like markings on his arms? Those are mention before in the Appearance section, but should probably be covered more in-depth here. Regarding the Personality aspect, as an example lets look at Mako’s Motivation. As is, all that’s listed is 'Revenge.’ Revenge against who, and for what? Is it against that nameless Necromancer that Mako is apparently fighting? What 'things’ did said nameless Necromancer take from Mako? All these questions are examples of important information/context that Mako’s profile should showcase, even if they’re just brief one sentence explanations (which are perfectly acceptable provided they present the relevant details).

All in all, I feel as though I know more about what’s happened to him rather than Mako himself. Trimming down the extraneous information and tightening up the focus to be on Mako himself (except when the focus is supposed to drift to other characters, like in a Relationships section) would go a long way to explaining his character better.

I hope this helps!

-D

#Development Help #Backstory Help #OC Critique #General Help #submission

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years

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@rice-22

-go away,im not showing you my upper face >[]c

-Actually that teal stuff its paint but…. his wounds look like that??

-afraid of odd numbers,wearing skirts and most of all,afraid of that round thing with holes

-As i said afraid of odd numbers so we need an fourth….fact?

based on betta fish,squids,death and associated god and titan is Pluto and Themis

This boy is interesting, but he’s definitely a little bit all over the place. I’m going to try to reign his themes in a bit to try to create a more cohesive character. Before I even get to his blood color or start reviewing him, I’m going to talk about the basic premise you have for him… It seems that he was a fuschia who later became a teal? But I have a more interesting idea for you.

Perhaps he could be a tealblood who really wants to be a fuschia. Who wishes for the throne despite this being a clearly foolish and doomed goal.

So I’m going to thin his theme down to Squids, for their camouflaging ability, ink for the idea of darkness and to harken back to the interest in painting you’ve given him, and Pluto, for his association with wealth, death, and blueish-green colors.

Place:posibly some unknown planet/place in space

Let’s put him on a colony planet! We’ve never been given much information about whether or not mother grubs have been transferred off planet to start populating other colonized lands. It would take you a little extra effort, because you’d have to write up your own ideas for what this planet is like, but it’s an interesting chance!

Maybe it’s a crappy backwater planet with lots of hostile life that’s mostly used as a waypoint and he’s being trained to handle some bureaucratic ship-docking job that he hates and so that’s why he decides he wants to be an heir. He knows he’s doomed to die here and he doesn’t want to do that. He wants to climb the corporate ladder, aggressively.

Name: Shinoi Tanzul(not sure) (Shin)means 4 and death in japanese,since his aspect is doom (oi)from aoi,means blue in japanese,also pronounced like oy,expression for feeling tired,surprice,etc (Tan)short for titannium,strong unlike him,atomic number 22 (Zul)from azul,blue on spanish

I think changing his name to Dibran Glauce might be a good idea!

Dibran is a reference to the Dibranchiata class of cephalopods, which are the kind that utilize ink in chromatophores to change coloration. Glauce is Pluto’s twin who died of mysterious causes at a young age.

Age:close to 7 alternian sweeps (14 earth years)

Strife Specibus:painting brush,(got an bi-dent on the other side)

I think it should be a paint brush that transforms into a bi-dent, much like Kanaya’s lipstick/chainsawkind. It’s a nice reference to his desire to be a fuschia without quite hitting the mark.

Fetch Modus:wallet modus,simple as looking for your stuff at your wallet but no,its all overlapped and messy

How about a squid modus instead. It’s like a tree modus, but with more camouflage. There’s a base item that is the “head” of the squid and then 10 arms where he can store additional items. Removing the head ejects everything. Also, he cannot tell what any of the items are. they’ve all blended into the white backgrounds of the cards. He’s got to play a guessing game.

Blood color:born as a fuchsia blood,then noticed he was really an teal troll,got his blood teal at the end and he looves it!!

Since there’s less logical reason for a transition between fuschia and teal, that’s why I decide to make this switch. Instead of necessarily having a biological switch out of nowhere between a midblood and a fuschia, having a midblood attempt to vie for the throne is a lot more fascinating as a concept.

Symbol:well,he got just an actual sign,pimini,sign of the adjuster,derse dreamer,doom aspect (he decided to paint his sign on the shirt and he sucks at it,but he still uses traditional sign for himself)

I actually do like this for him. The Adjuster fits well as a name for his desire. Maybe he self-selected this symbol after finding it online? But I think I’ll adjust it just a little bit to be a fusion of Pimini and Pluto’s symbol.

Partially as a reference to Pluto, partially as a reference to Limini (which would be his birth sign).

Trolltag:DuoBloo Bettadoom (idk)

aspiringIllustratheir, a reference to his art motif his aspirations, and his desire to become an heir.

Quirk:he ïs P_retty døømed and hïs head ïs seP_arated øn twø ør møre P_arts….!! P_ :similar to the sign used for Pluto,P Ï :two headed I,same as an bident or him Ø :magic half O,since half of his face is visible Tries to type as best as possible,uses pairs on (….),(!!),(??),etc. He uses glasses on faces and swap between them: 3] B/ >[]D >2o ….

I do like the pairing thing… But I’d leave off the half o, because combined with everything else it becomes a little visually busy. The P_ might not be necessary either. Just capitalizing P probably works well enough! Maybe have him use ~~ sometimes as a reference to squid tentacles.

Special Abilities:he can see but can’t see,can see past,present and future,also can see other people point of view and sometimes on 3rd person,also got some mind powers but he sucks at being body strong

If we place him as a teal, that means he wouldn’t be given an actual abilities inherent to him. However, we know that seers do start to get some access to visions even prior to godhood, especially if they have a medium through which to view. If he’s a doom player, maybe he’s cursed… Cursed by some on-planet entity that allows him to witness oncoming danger, but also saps his strength and causes him to be easily agitated?

Personality: he is two or more minded,he is more often to the shy side but can get mad on two seconds by anything

Let’s give him a little more. Maybe he has a sort of air of mystery to the people around him. He’s shy and quiet, but he manages to play it off well, being perceived as more enigmatic than anything else. Since I have him placed as a teal, I want to give him some moral center… but I think it can be a really weak one considering his attempt to break the mold. So maybe his ethical center is just that no one deserves to die unknown in a job they didn’t ask for. And probably that he deserves to rule.

More importantly, he needs to have a lot of focus on fantasy… He has this rich inner world where he’s convinced he can achieve this goal despite shit being bad and it being foolish.

And you can keep him being emotional and reactive. Having a hairpin trigger is a really good character trait.

Interests:video games,equality,necromance and nonsences

This needs to be extrapolated a little more. Equalizing opportunity and obtaining wealth would probably be big goals of his. A desire to change the system. He could be interested in death/the dark, too, which could indicate how he becomes involved with a cursed entity… Give him a general interest in getting off planet and a general interest in politics too, maybe. I’m not sure what you meant by nonsences? Does he like those kinds of jokes that are just utterly incomprehensible? Because that’d be fun.

Title: seer of doom, can see the bad stuff coming

I do like this. He has a passive ability to know of the doom that is going to come and befall him. However, he has only partially realized his aspect. He must learn to Understand the doom that will befall him. He has to understand all the structures and ties and rules and systems that bind him. He must understand their inner mechanisms. He must understand all the ways in which he has created an unwinnable situation for himself. And then, through his inverse, Witch of Life, he has to attempt to actively influence the development of the world around him through this complex understanding… There’s a lot of growth potential for a character like him.

Land:land of Doom and stains??

Land of Idols and Stains, maybe. A land where he is worshipped as a false god, but it comes with dangerous, deadly consequences?

Well thats all for now >2]

Design time!!:

Left: This is sort of his pre-trying to become a fuschia look.

Horns & hair: I kept the horns the same, but the hair I had to move up. I love characters with covered eyes, but there really was no themeatically appropriate reason to do so. It felt too much like falling back on blindness for a Suffering Aesthetic and I just don’t play with that. So the hairline moved up.

Eyes & mouth:: I still wanted to give him the cute look the low hair had given him, so I gave him round and happy eyes. I gave him tiny pupils, though, because smaller pupils tend to be just slightly freakier fsr. His mouth is still just that little smile.

Symbol: I put limini on his old shirt.

Socks & shoes: I made his socks teal and kept the splashes of paint on his shoes.

Right: Here’s when he starts trying to play fuschia.

Helmet: The tiara attachment is obviously edited from Feferi. I wanted to make sure the helmet would cover up where his fins would be Missing. Keeping this on would be good for making his image convincing.

Symbol: I combined Pimini and the Pluto sign I mentioned earlier. I still made it messily painted on. The added bonus of this is that it looks like he killed another fuschia.

Socks & shoes: I just changed the colors to fuschia variants.

Thank you for sharing him! I hope I was able to provide some valuable insights!

-CD

#rice-22 #shinoi tanzul #dibran glauce #shinoi #tanzul #dibran #glauce #tealblood #fuschiablood #(kind of)#seadweller #(sort of)#review #redesign #cd review #submission

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