#im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrswint3rs · 5 months

Text

Forbidden Fruit

pairings- dbf! toji x Fem! reader

summary- your dads lowlife best friend comes to stay with you and your father for a while. your feelings of annoyance and hatred toward him turn into something more.

a/n - i had a good plot planned out until i actually started writing this so im sorry ab the randomness

NSFW WARNING :

contains- age gap (reader is early 20's, toji is early 40's bc i said so), unprotected sex, daddy kink, hair pulling , degrading

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

To put it lightly, Toji is a complete ass. He's an aging bachelor who has no future plans, a drinking problem which he tries to hide from your father, can't hold a steady job, and basically mooches off your father's financial generosity. He's loud and obnoxious, always trying to pick a fight with you over something stupid. Whenever your dad isn't there, he acts like he owns the place and makes up his own rules. He's the worst houseguest ever, and you kind of just want to punch him in the face. But then again, he's your dad's best friend, you've known him for years, so you have to be nice to him.

It's been a little over a month now since Toji has been staying with you and your dad. His presence has been a constant irritation, and it's hard to understand what exactly your dad sees in him. He seems to believe that anything he does should be accepted without question, and he constantly pokes and prods at you. It's been a struggle for you to feel comfortable in your own home ever since he started staying with you. He seems to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without any thought for the people around him. He sleeps on your couch, stays up eating your food, and makes no effort to clean up after himself. And he's constantly giving you a hard time about being an adult and still living with your dad. He tells you how you should have moved out ages ago, as if he has the right.

You know Toji is an absolute jerk. You loathe him and everything he stands for, so why do you keep finding yourself staring at his perfect figure? His muscular arms, his broad shoulders, his rock-hard abs, his thick thighs. His masculine face, and that cocky, all knowing grin of his. You can't seem to take your eyes off of him, and you hate that you find yourself attracted to him despite knowing who he really is on the inside. You hate that you crave his attention, that you want him to notice you. You know it's wrong to desire him in any way. He's your fathers friend, almost twice your age. And you had a boyfriend.

And yet, you can't help yourself. Leaving your room at night to 'get a glass of water' just to steal a glance at him. Sprawled out on your couch wearing only his tight boxers that showed his outline.

Purposefully leaving your door open when you changed clothes, hoping he'd be watching (which he often was.) Your actions grew desperate over time.

You were disgusted with yourself. So ashamed, thrusting your fingers into your needy cunt, pitifully whining at the fact that your little fingers could never fulfill your needs like his rough, manly ones probably could. Struggling to get off, the guilt looming over you but at the same time feeling so good. The thought of the cocky, ever teasing, older man bringing you to orgasm every time without fail. He was like forbidden fruit. Right there but you wouldn't dare try and taste. As badly as you wanted to, there was just no way.

or so you thought.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

While your dad was out at work, you find yourself alone in the house with Toji. It all started with a glance. Just a look.

That's what lead to you now, squealing into the couch cushions. Panties dropped down to your ankles and your skirt pushed up over your ass. His massive form stood behind you, one hand roughly holding you up by your hair, the other rapidly rubbing at your sensitive nub. "Such a fucking slut," he groans, "bet your little boyfriend can't even reach this far into you, hm princess? So fuckin' tight...it's like you've never even been fucked."

"A-ah...mnn Toji!" you whimper.

His cock stretches you. He was bigger than you ever would have imagined, his girth molding your walls into his shape. "Dirty girl, look at ya', drunk on your father's friends' cock."

His degrading only drove you crazier. Your knees grew weaker, legs wobbling so much you thought you'd fall, his strong hold keeps you positioned as you were. Making you feel every agonizing inch of his thickness. His bulbous tip rutting into your weak spots as he jackhammers into you with no remorse. You could barely even keep your eyes open, your voice coming out in half screams of his name.Your back arched into him as he hit that angle just right.

The stimulation of both your gspot and clit was breathtaking. Your brain went dumb with every stroke. You weren't even worried about how wrong it all was. You could only feel. Feel as the older man used your drenched pussy like his own personal fleshlight.

Your orgasm steadily crept, you couldn't hold it in even if you wanted to. "Mn..gonna cum daddy.." you thoughtlessly mewled.

The use of the new title stirred something within him, going straight to his cock. His head tilted back with a low grunt, "Good fuckin' girl...call me that again."

"Feels s' good daddy...ahh-mnn, I can't take it..." you babble.

He completely loses it. Hips stuttering, grip tightness. "Fuck princess, cum w' me. Cum all over daddy's cock, baby. c'mon." he was practically pleading, trying so hard to keep going and not finish so soon. But you brought out a whole other side to him. Even with all your previous tempting, he never thought he'd be here, balls deep in his best friends daughter. your tight cunt was just too good. he didn't care about the consequences. he wanted you for far too long.

He shoves your head into the cushions, muffling your sweet cries as you cream all over his length. Your quivering and whiny moans forced his own climax, making him spill deep inside. "Oh my fucking god.." he let out an elongated moan, as he filled you up, practically trembling at the release he felt. Steadily pumping his cum into you.

He relaxes his grip on your hair, slowing the roll of his hips as he tries to ground himself. He lowers you onto the couch as he slips out of you, collapsing along side you.

"y' alright, princess?" you weakly nod, mulling over to snuggle up to him. Toji takes you into his bulky arms, holding you against his chest. You melt into him, listening to the rapid beating of his heart, and his heavy breathing. Your eyes flutter shut, growing more and more tired.

Noticing, he shifts a bit, "Hey, don't be fallin asleep on me princess," he laughs, "lets get ya' cleaned up before your dad gets home."

mlist

part 2 here!!

#toji fushiguro smut #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x reader smut #jujustu kaisen #toji fushiguro x fem!reader #toji fushigro x reader #dbf!toji #dads best friend #fanfiction #smut #fem reader #toji thirst #toji zenin #age g4p

884 notes · View notes

kisstuals · 11 months

Text

if blue could be happiness

PAIRING. na jaemin x female!reader WORD COUNT. 2.4k CONTAINS. angst, romance, actor!au WARNINGS. implied smut, just the reader being sad and in her head a lot, pretty reflective and retrospective, not much plot more emotions and vibes PLAYLIST. if blue could be happiness - florist | never goodbye - nct dream | liability - lorde NOTE. turns out i love complex female characters and depressing stories and men who fall harder… who is sensing a theme in my works? also im kinda back hahahaha hope everyone has been well xx. i’d say i’ll be more active now but i have a bad track record. that being said, please do give this some love and interact and let me know ur thoughts bc that will motivate me to be more active and post more things!!! would love to chat with you all <3

All you have ever known is being alone, so you can’t help but pull away when Jaemin comes into your life. Too bad he’s here to stay.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TRAVELING, there is a wave of relief that hits you when the plane finally makes its descent in New York City. The tall buildings shimmer against the twilight sky, and even from so far away, you can sense the hustle and bustle of the always-busy city. You can imagine people getting off work after staying late, going into bars for happy hour. They laugh and giggle with their friends with a drink in their hands. New York City is always alive, and that’s why you love being there, as the fervor and excitement almost allows you to forget about how empty you feel all the time.

Despite that, there is a blue stillness around. A cloud of comfort, broken by a brief anticipation.

Your fingers curl around your seatbelt, waiting for the indication that you could finally take it off and leave the plane. It had been a month since you were last home, as you had been in Paris for the shoot of your upcoming movie. There is no doubt that your time there had been lovely, for you participated in every cliche there was for a Parisian tourist… eating too many croissants every day, visiting the Eiffel Tower, getting lost in the Louvre. The actual work you had gone to Paris for also concluded smoothly, but film shoots were never a problem for someone like you who actually enjoys their job.

None of that mattered though. You were aching to finally be home. It’s difficult to ignore your heart that is practically beating out of your chest, but that may be for reasons other than simply arriving back in your favorite city.

Reasons that are called Na Jaemin.

You wonder if he thought about you nearly as much as you did over the past month. And why would you, consider that you were the one who pushed him away. But you keep on wondering this as you leave the plane. He plagues your mind at the baggage claim, when you get into the car waiting for you, and the entire ride home. The buzz of your phone on the leather seat next to you is the only thing that pulls you out of your daze, eyes blindly following whatever buildings you could see in the distance. It was getting late, but New York never slept.

It buzzes again, and you finally blink before reaching for your phone. It’s a text from your sister, who had been house-sitting for you (or, more of an excuse to hang out in the city).

sister: he just showed up.

Your eyebrows furrow. The texts keep coming in

sister: (name). sister: JAEMIN IS HERE sister: when are you getting back?

Movements growing frantic, you quickly look outside for a landmark, realizing you were still pretty far from your apartment. And with the city traffic, it would at least be another hour.

you: WDYM HE’S HERE? you: i won’t be home for a while you: tell him to go wait in my room

She sends you a thumbs up and you sigh, leaning back into your seat to close your eyes in hopes of getting some rest. Your efforts prove to be futile, of course, because he’s all you can think about.

The first time you met him, you were drunk out of your mind. It was Ryujin’s party for actors to gather and mingle if you remembered correctly, but truthfully your memories of that night were pretty foggy. Everyone was dressed nicely and there was expensive liquor lining the countertops, but you ungracefully stumbled into Jaemin, a new and rising actor whose name was everywhere on the tabloids, in a corner somewhere. See, you were normally always on your best behavior, with perfectly styled hair, manicured nails, and hands folded politely. You never tripped over your own feet. You never spoke out of turn. You never did what you weren’t supposed to do, which was a long list considering you were an A-list actress with an image pristine like glass. People looked up to you.

So you had really no explanation for how Jaemin’s hands ended up around your waist, his lips chasing your own. Your body was hot against his, aching for his touch, and when you finally gave in, there was no stopping either of you. His lips moved ferociously against yours, lighting your skin on fire wherever they touched you.

It was no surprise you ended up in his bed later that night, but it was equally less of a surprise that you left the next morning before he could even wake up.

Yet, that was only the beginning. You seemed to run into him everywhere. At parties of mutual friends, you didn’t even realize you shared. At dress fittings, because the stylist for your next movie also happened to be his personal stylist. At the new coffee shop you decided to try out, and then realized was his favorite.

Suddenly, you couldn’t run away anymore. He was going to be in your life, whether you willed for it or not, so you entertained it for a brief minute. So you kissed him at parties and showed up at dress fittings with your hand in his. Every Sunday, you went to his favorite coffee shop together. You went to sleep in his bed and woke up in his arms. His name was linked to yours, and everyone talked about it, but you didn’t care. You had relinquished all control of your life.

It was great, until it wasn’t. Until he got too close, and you went too far.

That night, there was a downpour in New York City and you retreated back into the comforts of your home. Of the perfect, orderly life you built for yourself.

And the next morning, you left for Paris.

There is a tremble in your fingers as you enter the code to your apartment. Why was he here? You pushed him away, and then he was meant to stay away. People don’t usually try so hard to remain in your life. Probably because of how distant you keep your heart from them. Or maybe that’s why you began doing it in the first place. It’s been so long, you cannot even remember what came first.

Your sister greets you with a worried smile as you enter. She takes your coat from you and you take a moment to set down your belongings, including the large suitcase you had been hauling behind you. The longer you take to go into your room, the longer you have to prepare for whatever is about to happen.

“(Name). He’s been waiting.” Your sister says, looking pointedly at your room door. You’ve dug your toes so far into black boots that you are afraid they may appear at the other end. There is a fleeting touch of comfort on your shoulder before she walks away. With a sigh, you take off your shoes and arrange them neatly on the shoe rack.

In an apartment as big as yours, the walk to your room is shorter than you remember, but you know you cannot delay this any further. Jaemin is definitely aware of your presence, no matter how softly your clothed feet hit the wooden floor of your apartment, so you finally open the door.

Your heart stills when you see him. He’s sitting at the foot of your bed, wearing a fluffy brown jacket and a hat to match. It’s pretty obvious how he looks out of place against your cold, blue walls.

“Hi.” His smile is cautious like you might run away upon seeing him. His worries are not entirely absurd though, as you do consider backing away. But his eyes are warm, and you remember how much you are aching for his touch. You can’t help but take another step towards him.

“Hi.” Your voice cracks and he notices, but you both choose to ignore it.

“How was Paris?”

“It was good.” The temperature of your room must be near freezing, but somehow your words are colder. Jaemin winces, subtle yet noticeable, and stands up, rubbing his hands on his jeans. You pray that he doesn’t move any closer to you, as then you might actually run away, and somehow, he listens.

The heart is a silly little thing, because you find yourself disappointed at the distance between Jaemin and you, even though this ruin was your doing.

“(Name)...” You’re not sure what he’s going to say, but the deep breath he takes before speaking lets you know that you are not ready to hear it. Not yet.

“Sorry for making you wait. Got stuck in traffic.” You begin moving around the room to straighten up a few things that suddenly looked out of order, even though no one had entered your room while you were gone.

“Oh, uh, it’s okay.” His gaze follows your every move. “I hope your sister wasn’t uncomfortable with me just showing up.”

“No, not uncomfortable. Just surprised that you’re here.” Arranging your lipsticks from the darkest red to the lightest nude seemed like the perfect task at this moment, so you stand in the corner of your room farthest from Jaemin, hovering over your vanity.

He sighs. “Me too.”

This makes you glance back at him, eyebrows raised. “You are… also surprised that you’re here?”

“Yeah, considering how you just left me, why would I want to be here?” Jaemin is always honest, and you appreciate him for that, but you can’t ignore the guilt that pools in your stomach as you finally meet his eyes.

Your lips purse, and if you’re feeling anything, you don’t let it show. “Why are you here, then?”

This is the question that ultimately pushes him over the edge. Jaemin’s expression darkens as he finally closes the distance between you two, stopping just close enough so you could feel his breath against yours.

“You’re seriously asking me this? After everything?” He asks incredulously, his eyes searching for answers in your own

“I told you it was over.”

“Okay, but why?” You don’t answer, but you also don’t step away. “What are you afraid of?” Your lip quivers.

“Stop,” you whisper, as you feel your resolve starting to break. Jaemin takes a step back but keeps going.

“That I’ll break your heart? That I’ll leave you and go away?” He lets out an empty, pained laugh. “Well, isn’t that what you’ve done?”

“Jaemin, I–” You begin to speak, but now it’s his turn to cut you off.

“But despite all that, I still love you.” Your eyes widen, and an unknown, indescribable feeling overtakes your entire being. A single tear escapes you, of guilt, and fear, of love and longing.

The room is silent for a minute, and then another.

You are unsure of what the proper response to his confession should be, but whatever it is, you have messed it up already by waiting so long. You owe him an answer, because of everything you’ve put him through. Because you walked into his life, and then walked out, doing it first as you were afraid he would soon enough. But above all, because you loved him too, despite everything you had tried to convince yourself of.

“I’m sorry.” You aren’t sure how to put all your thoughts in words, so you decide to apologize first, instead. And even though it may be a deflection, you hope he realizes that it’s sincere.

But there’s disbelief in his eyes, and you hate that he doubts you, even though you’ve given him every reason to. “That’s it?”

“You’re right. I left because I wanted to do it before you could.” You continue, providing him with the honesty he deserved from day one. “I was so sure you would, because people always leave anyway, you know? They come into my life, I get used to them, then they leave, and I have to get used to life without them. There’s only so many times you can do that before you simply cannot anymore.”

Jaemin’s expression is unreadable as he considers what you said. “So, the solution was to push me away, even though I told you I wasn’t going anywhere that night?” Now his tone is neutral, and you are unable to figure out if he is mad, upset, or disappointed by your explanation.

“Do you know how many times I’ve been told that?”

You had always known that the film world was a lonely one. Your dad was a producer and your mom was an actress. They fell in love when they were twenty and fell out of love when they were twenty-five, with affairs and scandals galore. That left you and your sister, mere toddlers, stuck in the middle, as they threatened to leave each other. Eventually, they just left you. Despite all that, you chose to go down the same path, as the film world was the only world you knew. And then you went through it all over it again, as friends, boyfriends, managers, and mentors all came into your life, only to leave again. The only person who had stuck around was your sister, but because she had to.

Jaemin was the first person who ever wanted to be in your life, by choice.

“I should’ve been more clear then. If I had told you I loved you that night, would you have stayed?” He asks, his voice breaking.

“I don’t think anything would’ve stopped me that night,” you say quietly, remembering how quickly you booked a flight to Paris, and leaving one week earlier than you were originally supposed to for your shoot.

“And how about now?”

You look into Jaemin’s eyes and see only a love for yourself, despite everything, just as he said. And in that moment, the heaviness that you had been carrying around in your heart for as long as you can remember finally settles.

“I want to stay.” You admit.

“So what’s stopping you?”

The question that has plagued you forever now rises to your lips, in a bout of vulnerability you never saw for yourself. “Please don’t leave me.”

At that, Jaemin is immediately reaching for you, the touch that you had yearned for finally engulfing you. He gently cups your face, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’m here, aren’t I? And, I always will be. I won’t give up on us.” You nod, and return his touch, tugging on the collar of his jacket to pull him closer. “And if you leave, I’ll come after you, again and again, like I did today. I just needed to know that you want this as much as I do.”

“I love you.”

And then you kiss him like you never have before, like blue water in the forests of love. Because if blue could be happiness, that is all you ever want.

279 notes · View notes

moonlightspencie · 11 months

Note

Hello! I was wondering if I could make a Dean x Readed request where he's jealous of her and Sam, thinking they're together when they're actually just good friends? Love your writing!!

i’ll write a little drabble bc i do think this is a fun concept BUT im happy to tell you that i already have a full-length fic about this exact thing!! here’s the link to that

pairing: dean winchester x reader, platonic!sam winchester x reader

—————

Dean stared at the pair chatting across the table from him in the library. His brow was set, and his eyes hadn’t been on the screen of the laptop in a couple of minutes, now.

They were incessantly talking. Since when did they talk this much? Or get along this well?

Granted, it had been a few months since they’d last all seen each other. But things shouldn’t have changed between them that much. Unless…

“Hey,” Sam said, snapping Dean out of his haze. “What’s up with the death-glare?”

Dean raised a brow. “I’m not glaring.”

Sam glanced at his conversational partner, a smirk on his face.

“I think he’s glowering, then. Maybe just… aggressively staring,” she said, voice a little quiet for dramatic effect.

“Maybe if you two would get some work done instead of… makin’ eyes at each other—”

“‘Making eyes’?” she exclaimed with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”

“Sitting there staring at each other like you wanna rip each others clothes off. It’s gross.”

Her eyes went wide. She looked over at Sam, and he stared back with a quizzical look, giving a shrug.

“Dean, we’re not,” Sam started, then let out a frustrated sigh. “We’re friends. That’s it.”

“Since when are you this close?”

“Since he actually responds to all my messages and makes an effort to talk,” she said pointedly. “Maybe somebody wouldn’t be so jealous if he didn’t ignore half my texts.”

Dean’s face dropped. “I’m not jealous.”

She quirked a brow, staring back at him. Sam cleared his throat, standing up.

“I think I’m going to catch a quick shower before we leave tonight.”

She nodded, still watching Dean as he followed his brother’s movements until he was out of sight.

“People who aren’t jealous don’t stare. Just so you know,” she said with a smirk.

“Annoyed people do.”

“What exactly are you annoyed by? Two people being friends?”

He sighed, shaking his head and staring down at the tabletop. She leaned in slightly, catching his eye again.

“Just for the record, you wouldn’t have to be ‘annoyed’ if you’d just make a move already.”

With that, she stood and walked towards the kitchen, leaving a shocked and blushing Dean stuck to his chair.

#dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester drabble #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #jealous!dean #dean winchester

305 notes · View notes

seashard · 2 years

Text

kiriona gaia is written to be as shocking as possible.

the lead up in the novel is that pal has a clear plan. bring nona close enough and soul gravity will punt gideon back into her body and hey presto. it’s simple it makes sense. prevailing fandom theory has been that since you have her soul preserved courtesy of harrow, you have her body perfectly preserved, it’s neatly set up for her to be revived once the two are brought together.

but then they actually finally reach her corpse and there’s this awful unreality around Nona maybe ? hallucinating her opening her eyes? before she seems completely corpse-like again and nothing happens. then she does start talking but she’s so WRONG she’s callous and she’s been conscious for 6 months already and her jokes AREN’T FUNNY (her greatest sin tbh). like nothing is going as expected. so many people come out of her first scene thinking it’s an evil doppleganger or john puppet scenario bc it just seems so fake.

it’s in direct contrast to htn, where Gideon arrives at the end and brings a great sense of catharsis in “she’s finally back and she’s tearing to shreds everyone who wronged harrow over these past nine months”, but now in ntn is only adding to the confusion and pain.

when they’re in drearburgh this scene is set up so you walk in and it looks like Gideon has just killed a bunch of the ninth in cold blood, and you kinda believe it….

the deaths and resurrections in this series don’t feel cheap. in htn harrow goes through hell for the whole book to keep gideon’s soul intact. im not saying i need the characters to suffer, god knows they’ve done it enough, but you can’t expect gideon to go through everything she’s gone through and come out emotionally unscathed. other people have already talked about the difference in seeing her without her internal narration and her abandonment and loss of agency and possible ulterior harrow-saving motives etc etc (poor girl she’s got a lot going on). this is why i dont agree with theories about how harrow has the part of her soul that is her emotion and her heart or whatever. it feels like a disservice to her character to say it’s just a case of straightforward compartmentalisation and that all her problems can be solved by harrow giving her back her missing piece <3 (she also CLEARLY feels things about harrow and camilla and aiglamene)

however i am curious what is actually going on with her soul re: being restored to life/lyctorhood. TM’s comment about gideon’s happy meal soul and pyrrha’s comment would indicate that some of Gideon’s soul is still inside harrow

(Pyrrha’s knowledge tends to be pretty reliable, so I kinda believe she’s right abt this but maybe not to it’s full extent abt there being no retrieval possible whatsoever)

palamedes also gave an explanation for why a soul from harrow wouldn’t have gone back into Gideon’s body (jod’s meddling and warding to make her invincible)

if Gideon’s whole soul is restored to her body it MIGHT bring her back to life? it sounds promising but that’s what we thought about the original plan. a big part of john’s chapters is about the soul and how it’s the key element to resurrection, but then he hasn’t resurrected anyone since the main event. Unfortunately he’s very vague about the actual details of the resurrection itself 😭 so it’s unclear whether it’s a case of he can’t or he won’t. it seems like a decaying body would barely be an obstacle for him so Gideon’s not really at much of an advantage. however he’s definitely putting in extra effort for her than when she was just harrow’s cavalier she was begging him to bring back.

there’s also the question about the state of Gideon’s soul in harrow’s body. I’d say Nona still counts as being unaware of its existence and therefore not absorbing it but I’m not sure, especially since harrow did come back to consciousness in the epilogue. also the lobotomy is maybe still in effect?? but only in this one instance lol, not any of the times she actually saw gideon, but it’s a weird callback to put in.

I’d say that the most likely path is for harrow to resurrect Gideon by putting part of her own soul in gideon in an exchange like John did with alecto, but I’m not even sure if perfect lyctorhood is the endgame anymore. it’s such a controlling, sinister concept that I don’t know if it can be redeemed, but maybe like with Paul it’ll be the only option they have. idk though there are so many things answered but still so many questions 😭 like even with nona we have the vague idea that she is kind of alecto (but also she’s just. nona) but when it comes to the specifics like what are her upper and lower minds or the voice that said “fool. you’re killing her”, iunno. so i mostly just wanted to bring together some of the hints i saw. would love to know what other ideas people have!

#ntn spoilers #ntn theories #nona the ninth #locked tomb #tlt spoilers #tlt #tlt meta

147 notes · View notes

maddsmallow · 7 months

Text

hi im gonna complain about people seeing hank and connor as father and son under the break so if you see them like that maybe dont read. like you do you but if this is gonna upset you then. dont fuckin read it lmao

if tumblr puts this in the fucking tags even tho i didnt tag it 1) im sorry, and 2) im gonna be fucking pissed im just trying to vent on my own got dang blog

cropped out the person who made these tags because i dont even know them and also im not a fucking asshole thats gonna put someone on blast like that but. this is the EXACT problem i have with hank and connor as father/son. i dont even mind connor seeing hank as a mentor or something like that (even tho i personally disagree with using the term "father figure"), but it's the "connor is like a new chance for hank to be a dad" that fucking gets me. do you not see all the different CANON reasons why that works completely against hank's character, and takes away connor's say in the whole situation?? hank IS a dad. he's a dad to a dead boy. basically his whole fuckin personality is him mourning over the loss of cole because he loves him SO much. you think he's gonna cling to the first mentee he's had since cole's death and immediately have him replace his dead fucking child? that's like, making hank give into some kind of fucked up delusion. that's mentol illness luv. imagine misunderstanding a character THAT badly.

and that isnt even getting into the whole "you're taking away all of connor's agency as a fully grown adult man" thing. he's not a child. he's an android that was activated only a few months ago, sure, but he was literally created to be like 27-33 or something. he deals with guns. he looks at pole dancers at the eden club. he works with murder scenes. you literally ARE taking away all of his agency as an adult man by seeing him as some little puppyboy that needs a dad to take care of him.

i mean of course you can take these characters and do whatever you want with them outside of canon, they're basically just barbie dolls lmao. but to claim that it's CANON that hank would think of connor as his own literal son, that he thinks that before the game's even over?? absolutely fucking not. those jokes of hank being like "who's my son?" and connor answering "me:)" and hank's relationship bar goes up, it's cute i guess but if that happened in the game? if that was a real choice in the game? hank would've shot connor without a second fucking thought. hell no hank would've thought connor was anything CLOSE to what cole was to him. hank straight up would've murdered the real connor and not even been upset about it when sixty told him so. david cage can eat my entire ass for agreeing that they're father and son, he just said that because he's a homophobic piece of shit, and that's literally the ONLY thing ever to point at them having that sort of relationship.

and i'm not gonna sit here and be like "but anyways here's all the reasons hank and connor are TOTALLY in love" because i dont actually think that's canon either. i'm just playing with them like barbie dolls lmao. my problem is people taking subtext that doesnt fucking exist of them being "like father and son" and claiming it's the be all end all of their whole relationship. their view of them as father and son is the ONLY way to see them. which is just not fucking true. there's NOTHING in canon to support them as being anything but close friends or enemies. that's it. and then they come onto these posts about hankcon, which obviously have NOTHING to do with them since they dont ship it, and tell the OP who ships them "fuck you." like?? you could have just scrolled. you could have just kept fucking scrolling. you fool. you moron. what happened to ship and let ship. just fucking move on, jesus christ. stop taking the time and effort out of your day to go out of your way to 1) make yourself upset by seeing this content and not just blacklisting it and blocking the posters, and 2) making someone else upset that you took the time to be a shithead on something that obviously wasn't even meant for you but made THEM happy. just stop !!! log off!! touch grass!! and this goes for hankcon shippers who do the same!! what the fuck is wrong with you!! we're all just here to vibe and love on these dork ass characters!!!!! fuck !!!!!!!!!!!

also it's super cringe when bryan dechart is playing the game and you're all screaming "wow best father son duo everrrrr" in the chat as if that also doesnt make bryan uncomfortable because he's gotta be super fucking careful about how he fuckin speaks about his character to everyone and not piss off all the rabid father-sonners by insinuating they're only friends. just. shut the fuck up. hankcon shippers who try to shove it in other people's faces also need to shut the fuck up. jesus fucking christ

IN OTHER WORDS. old man yells at cloud is basically me rn

^actual pic of me

anyways here's a cookie 🍪

#the blogger says words

7 notes · View notes

chimscake · 1 year

Text

Sorry for the little rant you're probably about to read but I'm like speechless (or like the opposite i guess since im about to rant my heart out). This isn't negative stuff btw, only positive rants here on my blog.💕

Today something really big happend for me: a perfect bridge of events happened that allowed me to be at a point were one of my most important manifestations is basically done, and while it is not done done, it's just really close and I'm really positive about it.

I wish I could share more details about this not to sound so shady but I have to respect the decision of the other people involved and keep everything lowkey, I hope you can understand.

Everytime I'm successful in manifesting something this big I feel happy and excited obviously, but more than that, I feel like I'm reborn into a new better person, who has a better understanding of the law and A LOT more faith in it.

Today I feel like sharing some positivity and hope with you guys, especially those who have been struggling lately.

Yes, the law works. There should be no doubt in your mind by now, but in case there is, let me clear this up for you:

THE

LAW

WORKS

I have seen it plenty of times, you have seen it plenty of times... all you need to do is learn how to use it to your advantage.

When you are in a state where you are confident in the fact that you can get what you want and you don't worry about your desires too much, you see them as something that is part of your life already, a part that makes you deeply happy, a part that you could totally live without because no matter what nothing is more important than your own self...

That's when it clicks, and everything goes to its place.

It may take a second, or it may take days and days of discipline and effort. You decide. But it's all worth it.

At the beginning of my journey I remember wasting months and months with trial and error, spotty results and giving up; but now I look back at the moments when I was "wasting my time" like the failure I felt I was, and I see how precious that effort I put actually is.

The main point here is: at whatever step of your journey you are at: don't give up, keep going, I guarantee you that you will be met with not only exactly what you want, but also the most divine calm and tranquility that you will ever experience.

Getting to feel this calm and confident in the fact that everything is always going to go your way is worth literally everything, and I love how this feeling gets renewed so strongly everytime something amazing happens.

I created this account because once I experienced this thing for myself the first time I thought that if everyone got to feel this way the world would turn into heaven. I want each and every one of you to feel this way every day.

Love you all, im always here for you💕

Chimscake

#manifestation #law of assumption #loa #loassumption #manifesting #master manifestor #affirmations #subconscious

22 notes · View notes

mixelation · 1 year

Text

vagueposting but i link to the post pissing me off and quote it. so not vagueposting at all but the blog has a massive following so it's not like. bullying

there is A Post i keep seeing, despite my best efforts to scrub OP from my dash, and it's specifically this version

reasons this post annoys the bejeebus out of me:

This is not a dunk on fandom—love the energy!—but I dream of the things we all could accomplish if we devoted some of that love and passion to the living creatures of planet Earth.

This is absolutely a dunk on fandom. You have literally structured your post around calling out "fandom" for not spending energy on something you think is more worthwhile. "Oh, no, OP meant in addition to fandom activities--" Nope! Maybe that's what they wanted to say, but they did not frame their post this way. The singled out fandom, played the "not to mean but--" card completely straight, and then somehow laid their environmental anxieties at the feet of fandom. They genuinely sound like one of those PTA moms who gives themselves anxiety over what innocuous things other people's kids do in their free time, which do not affect them at all.

[...]

Let me tell you a secret. Talk to gardeners and ecologists from your parents' and grandparents' generation, and you will recognize the same kind of people [as artists], passionate, socially awkward and probably some flavor of neurodivergent, except their blorbos are lichens, salamanders, mushrooms, bats, turtles, and birds.

These people were the ones that taught us how important those creatures were in the first place. That learned how to study them and wrote down what they observed.

Here's a neat little rhetorical device where OP isolates people "from your parents' and grandparents' generation" as separate but still accessible entities. This magical mood of loving nature is so close to you, but you've been isolated! Forgotten the old ways! These magic old people infused you with love for nature, and learned how to.... study them and write down what they saw...? No one was studying ecology or studiously improving gardening methods before your grandparents. There are no gen Z ecologists. There are no magic nature-loving people who also do fandom. Nuh-uh. It's just these magical older generation gardeners with all this secret knowledge.

Also, I never talk about (one part of) this, but I am a neurodivergent scientist running a fandom blog, and I do think claiming ecologists/gardeners are all "some flavor of neurodivergent" is a super weird take. First, ecologists (and scientists at large) are diverse people, not some cute stereotype in your head. Second, don't diagnose strangers, jfc. Third, "some flavor of neurodivergent" does not automatically make someone your friend or your magical relatable nature guide who wants to infodump all their cool nature facts like a trained dog.

IME ecologists and other people working in conservation ARE hype to tell you about their research and work, but I think linking this trend of enthusiasm to "oh, probably your local cute neurodivergent person--" is harmful in more ways than one to, like, everyone involved.

Here is something important: People cannot care about saving what they haven't even heard of.

This is true, or at least dogma I've heard actual conservationists say. It also has nothing to do with "fandom."

When I first started researching plants, I was shocked and horrified to find the internet almost empty of informative resources. No pictures, no paragraphs written by knowledgeable people, no cheat sheets, no diagrams.

There is not a single photo of a couple-months-old American Sycamore sapling anywhere on Google. Not one.

This is not true. There are in fact many plant identification websites, along with insect, spider, bird, mushroom, etc websites, often run by government organizations, botanical gardens, plant nurseries and nature enthusiasts. They often look like they were designed in the early 2000s and never updated, and there's not a really good umbrella website (except maybe iNaturalist?), but these resources definitely exist. If you google "Platanus occidentalis seedling" or "Platanus occidentalis sapling," you can indeed find the photos OP claims do not exist (examples: x, x). This is the piece of the post that pisses me off the most, because by claiming things literally don't exist on the internet, you actively discourage people form seeking them out.

Side note: I actually blocked OP over a different set of posts where they blogged at length and with extreme performative concern over not being able to find a specific type of study, which was a study design so common anyone who's spent more than thirty seconds figuring out google scholar could have found one. Posts like this are not actually helpful for general science education and instead just upset people while simultaneously misinforming them and discouraging them from doing their own searches.

When I started doing educational events at the place I volunteer, I had to write stat blocks and handouts about my trees MYSELF. From scratch.

So does the information literally not exist, or did you compile existing info into a streamlined form to fit your purposes....? How did you learn the information? Did one of the magical old people tell you?

Everyone I've talked to has said the same thing—I would like to plant native species and create a place for wildlife, but there isn't any information.

Don't let people tell you that you can't do anything. We already have scientists. We need artists. Bloggers. Enthusiasts. Hobbyists. Shitposters. We need love, passion, and obsession.

These things exist. These types of spaces exist in real life and all over the internet. Why are you writing like they are a dying breed? Reddit might have its problems, but there are tons of subreddits filled with enthusiastic people who will help you figure out a native plant garden. There is almost definitely at least one desperate conservation group who has this information available for your area (try googling your region and "native plant" - example: "bay area native plant" brings up the California Native Plant Society). You will have to spend some time reading, but I promise the information is there if you spend as long on google as you do making posts like this. You are harming these groups by writing as if they don't exist or are barely functioning due to lack of community support.

We need people whose talents are in editing, photoshopping, shitposting and meme-making, because the internet is where the conversations of the world happen, and we need to be talking about the living things of our planet that are in peril. Their beauty. Their importance. I'm completely dead fucking serious here.

I do agree with this point. Scientists are trained to make graphs, but they're not trained to make graphic design, if you know what I mean.

However, OP's goal is......

Do y'all have any idea how powerful a force your enthusiasm is?? To save the world, we need people who are like that, but about niche bees.

Imagine the most feral and unhinged of freaky fandom folk.

Now imagine someone who is Like That about prairie grasses.

To... have "fandom folk" redirect their energy at.... plants and bees? The subsequent blogging indicates that OP simply wants more blogs that post photos and art of plants and fungi. Okay, cool. What does this have to do with fandom? Do you know that fandom is a hobby for most people, and they go off and do other things in their life that might not be apparent to you, a stranger on the internet? Do you know how many of these magic ecologists and conservationists spend all day doing the work you want to see, and then go goof off in fandom to relax? Do you know that you do not have the right to control or criticize people's harmless hobbies, which do not affect you?

Someone else reblogged and added this comment:

Unfortunately fandom is mostly character analysis, and plants have no character to analyze so this will never happen

Also, the most helpful thing for them to do to save the planet is to donate money to those already doing it, not clogging up the system with terribly thought out newbie orgs

OP decided to reply to this comment more than once, jumping on the idea that "plants have no character" as ridiculous and then making fun of the idea of donating money. I want to emphasize that OP reblogged this person twice, which solicited their many followers to jump on their wording and yell about making plants blorbos, rather than think about any of OP's supposed points about conservation or gardening or environmentalism.

This person, apparently: the only form of doing good in the world that exists is donating money to a charitable organization. There is no such thing as work or outreach or education only money

In the ideal world, people would have dedicated jobs for the things described above. There are people who make a living off of doing scientific illustrations, and I would love for there to be more paid positions where artists and trained educators work with scientists on outreach. Established organizations do need volunteers, but they also need money so they can hire trained professionals to do the things OP is calling on fandom for.

Anyway, as a scientist and a fandom blog, here's this:

What you do with your spare time is up to you. If it's posting weird headcanons at 2 AM, whatever. You do you. You do not have to direct energy at saving the world or whatever.

If you're interested in ~touching grass~, I recommend googling for state/national parks in your area, as they're easy to identify and often put on cool events. You can also google for specific societies or hobbies, or places like botanical gardens and nurseries. Hobbyist mycologists are wild people, for example. These orgs often have volunteer days if you don't have a lot of time to commit.

Are you an artist, graphic designer, or illustrator? You may be surprised how many groups would love to have you design a pamphlet or logo! They will generally give your the information they want people to know and not just have you put together your own information unless you volunteer to do so (source: anecdata from scientists I know who also happen to be talented artists).

Memes are cool, but if you're trying to use them to ~spread information~, please do your best to fact check and then also provide citations. If you make a viral meme of bad information I will be forced to write a vent post about it. :P

#vent

39 notes · View notes

imanes · 9 months

Note

hi imane! i hope ur doing well <3 i just wanted to ask: what do you do during times of uncertainty? im a uni student abt to go on placement and I've been applying for part-time jobs that's centred around my field but to no avail sadly :/ i wanted to save up at least so i wouldn't stress during placement and everything's so overwhelming.. there are other external factors that's making me feel this way too like a friendship break-up i had few months ago and its affected me quite badly but im starting to pick myself up again. anyways sorry for the rant and i hope ur day is lovely x

hey! just sat down after hours of procrastination to work on my dissertation and i wish i were done already akjdkfgj but it could be worse!! ok it's gonna be long and probs unhelpful but i know that you wanted to vent more than you thought i was holding some solution so I'll just ramble and hope something resonates with you lmao <3

for me uncertainty makes me feel like my life is in shambles, it's hard to cope with things going south and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but during my yearly flop era in march/april i had a talk with a friend who's much older, wiser, and more experimented, and basically it helped me put things into perspective and learn how to let go. there are only so many things that you can control so i split my different issues into different categories for a more systemic approach to my problems lol: things that i can actually somewhat control (my emotions, my reactions, my efforts, what i can do moving forward to alleviate some of my stress), things that are out of my control (how people misconstrue me, external stressors like shitty coworkers, refusals from jobs i was applying for) and things (and people) that i don't need in my life. learning to let go of things for me internationally infamous control freak was not easy but it was liberating, idk if you're religious so if you aren't the next part isn't going to be helpful lol but i don't think i should be chasing things because i am exactly where i am meant to be, and if i start clutching at the things that aren't meant to be in my life, it's just my ego getting in the way, and i prayed that Allah just lets me find the place that i would fit better in and that He'd take me away from it if i wasn't going to be doing or feeling good there. i guess the non-religious version would just be to trust the process and understand that things in life wax and wane, whether it be job opportunities or relationships. obviously there's like a plethora of other factors like what do i do if i can't pay the bills and stuff? that was how i was thinking just a couple of months ago when my dissertation was not writing itself and nobody was hiring me! but a few weeks have passed and looking back on it i was starting to chase things again and it made me feel like i was stuck in a rut when in fact it's normal for things to take some time to settle down and for opportunities to arrive.

so basically whether you stress about it or not, literally nothing is going to change except the way you frame it in your head. for me i just continued applying and gave interviews my all while also being detached enough to simply trust myself to find the space that i was meant to occupy eventually, and after many many many rejections i finally found something a week ago, but it took a couple of months of steady job application to get there. looking from the other side of the mirror it's easy to say things like "don't get discouraged!" but it is true that if you keep throwing shit at a wall something's going to eventually stick, hence the power of consistency and of never giving up.

i'm glad you're slowly building yourself back up after your friendship break-up, i know how much it can drag you down but again some people are meant to be with you for a season only and at the end of the day with the effect of time making things more bearable and by working on your self-esteem and knowing that you can do things that you set your mind to, whether it is finding a part-time job or picking yourself back up, in a few weeks you're gonna look back on where you were mentally at when you sent me this message and where you'll be then and you'll thing "well i guess things DO pass huh who would've thought!!" lol life is a cycle of stability and unsteadiness, doesn't matter how much you prepare something's always going to go sideways but another truth is that things fall back into place again and you have to have faith in that, in yourself, and maybe in something else like i am w/ my relation to religion if u need extra help. speaking of help if you have a support system, confide in them and let them carry some of that weight for you!! you'd do the same for them so don't feel like you're a burden for needing help when you are facing instability. wishing you the best of luck and i really hope you find a good part-time job before your placement babe

7 notes · View notes

upsidedowngrass · 11 months

Note

do yuo yave any more liam thoughts im delirious rn a d i need my boy. I need my boy.

i ALWAYS have liam thughts every day of my LIFE . they may not be esp collected bc i have many so i dont have specific ones ive planned to share BUT ill throw some of my thoughts on him in Bullet Point Form and may end up elaborating on a few in particular :) (lot of these may be more vague, and some r more just things ive had on my mind cus ive been planning stuff!!!!)

generally, i think liam stays in airys world for a while, yeah, but i think he gets the contestants out before 8 months. this is mostly bc of charlotte. BUT also, we know airy has been in this place for "at least a decade," but oscar ALSO says he was on the plane "at least a decade ago." so its unclear how long airy WAS there for (if we assume that one takes place in the 2010s, in 2020-its vague and im not sure if cheesys ever clarified- but no code by pearl jam came out in 1996, so if its 2010s, hes only been dead for a bit over ten years, and 2020 would mean somewhere between 1996-2010, and this ISNT accounting for how long he spent in the waiting room) but it seems? that it didnt take him. actually THAT long to figure out how to teleport people to and from the plane. it seems to have been one of the easier things he figured out! (aside from actually creating planets) and? airy was a trucker. he COULDVE had tech experience, and i think sometimes people overestimate how much exp liam would have with tech as a telemarketer, ill have to look that up, but like. hed DEF have more exp w computers, just based on profession, so id imagine at least INTERFACING would be easier. the point of this is that i dont think liam would take long to find out how to teleport people, esp not ten years. especially with as much nonstop effort he shows in the series (compared to airy, who was likely in no rush, though im sure rushing WOULD mess with the speed that liam would figure things out), i think hed figure it out way sooner than airy did, and thats not even TRULY accounting that airy couldve taken any amount of time to figure it out

continuing that, ive seen ppl say that the computer wouldnt be able to teleport him home, but if my theory that the kill command is actually just an offshoot of the code used to teleport people (which ive posted abt before, but to summarize, when characters die, their bodies remain, but when the kill command is used, their bodies disappear, as shown at the end of universe modulation) is correct, the computer isnt restricted just to the plane. i think the extent of its abilities are mostly reserved for the planets it makes, but i think it may have otehr functions outside of these (such as interdimensional internet access, apparently). the point of all of this is that i think hed be able to send everyone home eventually, and i think it actually makes SENSE for him to get home. i think being able to teleport himself back home would take way longer than teleporting the others, esp since he most likely has the base code for the others (and airy didnt seem to actually BE concerned w getting home. he was lonely, but i dont think it was home that he was concerned with), but i think hed get home eventually

on that note, ive also said before that my family hcs for him vary. i OFTEN depict him as a middle child mainly bc it gives him people whove been waiting for him to come back that arent just one coworker. BUT i do sometimes depict him as an only child . it depends on the day. BUT!!! i thnk no matter what, once he gets home, he stays with owen the first day/night back. i think hed move in w bryce and amelia and charlotte very genuinely, but i think this would happen after MANY months. maybe a year or so. he needs some time. i think in that time, he stays w owen, OR if im depicting him as a middle sibling i throw him w one or both of them

also i dont actually think they contradict canon. ik a lot of people sometimes see liam NOT going to family after getting home as an indicator that he has no close family but like. tbh i dont think it even mattered HOW close he was w any family. i think the moment he saw that he was presumed dead, any hope hed had that things would return to normal, if that even was on his mind, just disappeared. because he was Dead.there wasnt anything left because he disappeared, he died, and that was it. before he looks at the notes he just kind of. looks lost. because at that pt he doesnt HAVE an idea of what hes going to do. all hes thinking abt is that this is Fucked. and i dont think it had anything to do w being close to people, or having friends or family (though it does seem to be mildly implied that he WASNT close w that many people, but i dont think that rly has much to do w whether he has siblings. siblings arent always SUPER tight knit, tho i think they were all at least friends :) ). i think he just. didnt know what to DO because he doesnt have almost Anything to his existence anymore, he just existed one day then he didnt!!! and then after looking at the notes, he still was dead, but he could still do Something about the plane with whatever he had left, not in possesions, but of Himself

on the subject of how he responded to things, i think SO often about how he seems to respond to stress. thruout the series, he is shown responding to small AND major stressors, and ive dedicated my life to studying the minute details of Liam Behavior so that i can make sure i understand him As Much As Possible. and? he is soooo not loud. under any pressure, he just Stops doing things. like the end of ep 1 could be excused as shock, but there are SO many instances of him just sorta. Stopping, or at the very least Not speaking when stressed, just tuning things out (if hes not full on dissociating, but since hes also generally Quiet it CAN be hard to distinguish if he is or not, since sometimes he may just Not be talking. i still have yet to study him wrt this but i will eventually), theres even lighter examples of this, like him Not saying anything in ep 2 when everyones yelling at airy, or him passing by bryce in ep 13 and seeming to think that would work? he just. often responds to things by NOT responding to them. there are only a few instances where he deviates from this, such as in ep 2 when he yells at airy, in eps 10 and 13 when he yells at bryce, and the many many times he yells at airy thru eps 17 and 18. but what ties these all together is that what REALLY pushes him to go from quiet to loud is when people are Ignoring Vital Details. when they are Confidently sticking to smth thats Incorrect and WONT listen to him (which is a bit more subjective w bryce ofc, but its still Incorrect to him). i think this also can of course extend to morally incorrect, as shown in ep 18, but even then, i think the main catalyst for what he says there is desperacy. he isnt asking airy why owens on his computer because he doesnt know. liam can be reckless throughout one (which is HEAVILY influenced by stress), but hes not stupid. he KNOWS why owen was there. i think THAT was just. denial? a need to know why? i dont know what specifically the emotion is, but at that pt, airy is acting FAR beyond what liam can reason him to not do. and? liam DOESNT say anything when he tries to kill airy. liam yells when people are being illogical, or not listening. because he WANTS them to listen. but airy wont listen to him. ive said it before but ill say it 2 billion times more that liam trying to kill airy was NEVER abt anger. really? he was acting how he acts when STRESSED. when hes NERVOUS . he historically Stops talking when hes under a lot of stress, and yells when indignant or frustrated

this does influence how i try to depict him, because i dont think hes an esp angry person, but when people wont Listen i think THAT does make him mad (and i think its also why he doesnt go to people when he gets home. if he wanted to talk abt things, he wants to talk to people abt how they ARE, not a fake version that people will believe. i think him getting a therapist post-canon is very challenging because of this. he is very stubborn) but when hes stressed or nervous he seems way more likely to Stop doing anything, and its smth i try to take into account when writing him SO much. he CAN be scared and still talking n stuff, but if its too bad hes more likely to freeze up

man tho. people joke abt him fighting REALLY poorly in ep 18 but i think people forget that he is running on FUMES. airy has been chopping down trees for years, hes fine. but liam got to bryces house and slept til morning, and seems to have maybe slept a litttttle? in ep 13, but its not very clear. he may have just sat there til the coast was clear for him to steal bryces car. who knows. but THEN he crashed a car (NOBODY points out that he was limping. either he was very out of it or that guy injured his leg AGAIN. i dont think it was a breakage but he SEEMS like hes in pain and then forgets it). then died a bunch of times. spent a WHOLE day awake. then went to airys world. and is just around for a while, cries, talks to airy, and Likely sleeps a little til morning. or at least lays there. its ALSO not clear. and keep in mind, he JUST spent the week before nonstop hitchhiking with likely minimal food or water bc he... doesnt have money (which i dont think is needed in airys world. i think it and the plane maintain people who live there, but thats its own hc). that, and with the way i interpret how the waiting room heals injuries, his leg may not have fully healed (which airy DEF didnt help. you are NOT supposed to straighten out broken legs. it was better than nothing but that guys leg is NOT healed) similarly, i dont imagine his arm is doing much better. those last few parts CAN be set to the side since that IS just how i interpret the waiting room but even aside from those. all of this to say that when he is fighting airy i think he is VERY obviously Really Fucking Tired. like yeah of COURSE hes not going to aim an AXE well. this guy hasnt known rest in 7 months and KEEPS getting injured. OBVIOUSLY hes not gonna fight well!!! hell, hes never FOUGHT someone with an AXE before. i think hes a little inexperienced on that front too!!!!!!

OH YEAH. sleeping thing reminded me. i think he and amelia sleep on the floor so much out of habit. i think they could sleep ANYWHERE but also bc theyre both so used to shitty sleeping conditions, good sleeping conditions make them fall asleep SUPER fast. this eases w time but i think it happens a lot. i think for the first few months, if liam has one blanket he just goes wow! thats comfortable (falls asleep)

#ask #wow thought these might be short but literally these r SO long #i had to split the first one up even though these were SUPPOSED to be bullet points . but that one was basically 2 paragraphs #ANWYA i hope this is coherent!!!!#i think more specific questions make it easier for me to make my thoughts Contained but also i am NOT complaining #abt a reason to be able to talk a LOT abt MANY diff things abt liam #i LOVE to talk abt him i hope u enjoy these thoughts :)!!!!!

13 notes · View notes

swampgallows · 1 year

Text

@anastacialy i get what you're saying but i think the difference between unconventional clothing (like the tiktok is talking about) vs alt subculture is that you are a member of a community rather than just dressing a part. on one level yeah people can dress how they want but it's also setting up for an error in communication (at best) to co-opt certain aspects of a subculture for one's own self-expression with little to no regard for what message it sends to those affiliated with the community. any social situation will have unwritten rules, and people can recognize when someone who is not affiliated with a community is attempting to rewrite the rules from outside of it (e.g. "gays are okay except when they're flamboyant"). it's not gatekeeping to remind someone that they're a noob, especially when they start giving orders. and there's no shame in being a noob either.

regarding the bit about how the internet is curated: exactly. there is a small sample pool to draw from, and by merit of them dedicating time to make meticulously-curated videos of themselves for thousands of viewers, we are already excluding a vast majority of a population of potentially-authentic people in favor of those who make concentrated efforts toward their image. i had this same discussion with my "subcultural" friends many times in the past. the major reason i did not join tiktok despite the pressure of my more "image-centric" raver friends to "bring raving to the new generation" is because i am not the kind of person to get dressed up and dance around in front of my camera.

it doesn't mean that i don't want a new generation of ravers--i do! not being on tiktok does not make me any more or less of a "real raver"; however in the environment of actual physical raves it was obvious how uncomfortable e-girl influencer "Internet Girl" was at an underground rave party, and how vastly different the vibe is at one of the "Insta Raves" or a corporate music festival versus an underground. reflexively, it was always obvious who showed up at the rave looking for drugs, and who was there to check out the music. and no, their outfit (usually*) had nothing to do with it. (*in fact, the people decked out in kandi at their first rave tended to be the biggest tryhards and would "quit" the scene within months).

it's not that these people are necessarily inauthentic in their interests, it's just that they've had to develop their own microcosm in order to adapt to the environment of the subculture they're aping (this is my theory for the development of "scene" as well, as it was essentially mallgoth gone feral--but im not part of that scene so it's all conjecture from my limited exposure). ive mentioned before in my "new to raving" posts that like yeah, you can be a candy kid, but if you roll up to the wrong kind of party dressed like that you could literally get stabbed. (it has happened before.) one can tell when a fish is out of water; one recognizes imitators and mimics. this is knowledge gleaned from participation in the culture. so ultimately what they are actually "part of" is a separate animal entirely, which i think is what the alt post was primarily critiquing. what walks and talks like emo looks like a bodysnatcher from those on the inside.

i had this jarring experience myself toward the end of high school and in college where i would see people wearing kandi, but they were "ragers" and went to "rages", and noticed my kandi too but looked at me with an air of disgust and disapproval, as if -i- were the encroacher. it was a meeting of divergent species. ultimately the misappropriation of these kinds of symbols and totems results in a mirage of common ground.

sorry this is long and sprawling, I'm on my phone lol

#blathering

11 notes · View notes

sttoru · 7 months

Note

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

#sttoru responds.#keep me updated!! (if u wanna) :)#am always here for u anonnnn i feel like u r me and i am u

2 notes · View notes

kiddosaurus · 10 months

Note

(hi im so sorry i wanted to just agree with a point you made and then wrote a full rant feel free to ignore me/delete this ask)

I definitely agree about the average age feeling like it's dropping (I also think that's just the Internet as a whole, coming from someone who literally got their first tumblr account at 11. also think it's because kids don't lie about their ages as much anymore, like I was lying until I was at least 15 and still vague about it until I turned 18) and part of me gets a little concerned by it? like yeah, I definitely showed interest in things like agere once I hit puberty age but most of my actual age regressing/dreaming I've only done since I was 16 when I had gotten past the initial wave of that

maybe it's the old age (I'm literally 18 lol) but I do worry when I see super young people in this community about the effects that regressing may have on them and their future development? or at least when I see 13-14 year olds post saying they're looking for cgs like I get so scared some weirdo is going to see it and use it as an opportunity to gain some power over them or gain their trust because the kid is too young to be able to realise what's happening

i hope it's alright for me to respond to this, just lmk if you want me to delete this reply

i feel a lot of what you're saying tbh. i still try to be understanding towards the super young folks, as i myself was super young when i first discovered the agere community, but idk. i was 12 at the time, but my situation was fairly odd compared to most folks (at that point i was already well into puberty, and there were times where i was involuntarily regressing from stress and trauma long before i knew what agere was, and finding the community helped me put a name to my experiences), so even then it's still hard to understand a lot of the youngest people in the community now, as the reasons for them getting into it are VASTLY different than any of my own. im only a couple months short of 18, and it never fails to shock me how old this stuff makes me feel :')

i DEFINITELY agree on the whole thing about worrying over possible issues with development and safety, though. i do feel like there's a (for lack of a better way to describe it) "honeymoon phase" for a lot of young teens discovering something like this that makes them happy and helps them cope, where they put a huge focus on it in a ton of aspects of their life, and that's something they just gotta get outta their system before they start to even things out. however, i definitely worry about development for kids who don't seem to learn how to balance agere with the rest of their life; any coping mechanism (including the healthy ones) can become unhealthy if it takes over your life in ways that cause repeated stress or harm, which seems to be the case for a lot of young folks discovering agere.

the whole cg safety thing is valid too. seeing so many 13-14 year olds giving out tons of personal info to strangers in hopes that they'll find a cg that they've never even talked to always makes me anxious. i don't think there's anything wrong with them wanting someone like that in their lives, and i think there are ways to kind of explore that while still staying safe, but the way people actually go about it is worrying. like... when i was young and discovering agere, at least there were plenty of adults in the community who made an effort to teach younger folks how to stay safe with stuff like this, but that doesn't seem to be as much of a thing anymore since the demographic has shifted to be so young as a whole and there are way more teens than adults. 2017-2018 was a very different time compared to 2023.

im sorry that this reply got so long, this whole thing has just been on my mind and it's nice hearing someone who at least understands part of what im saying

#asks

2 notes · View notes

bloodsadx · 1 year

Note

You should draw more comics. your comics are my favorite ones.

i love making comics but

they dont make money

they dont get you clouted

the more effort i put into making them good the less money and clout i get from them (and the reverse is true the less time i spend on them the more money and clout i get from them but i dont want to live my life like that)

i want to have money and clout so that i can do things with my friends like publish comics for real because most comics publishers big and small only publish comics called "tomato boy" about a little boy that is sad he can't be a tomato written by a person who has like 9 cactuses on their very well lit white wall apartment window sill and they watch nothing but cooking videos and brian david gilbert videos or like an extremely derivative hero/shounen comic thing where everybody looks like a plastic piece of shit like gwenpool and both versions of that sit on bookstore shelves infinitely and dont get bought by anybody but suckers and nobody remembers them 8 months after they get made and i dont want to make either of those and i want to be able to establish an environment for myself and my friends who make stuff other than that where we can get money from doing it without killing ourselves

most of the comics ive made have been like intense labors of love and are full of my blood and im still just some nobody with like 4000 followers (and only that many on twitter which might explode) and thats not sustainable and im going to die if i keep trying to climb the hill that i want to climb by making stuff i believe in entirely in the comics lane and exhaust all of my comics ideas and passion for doing it for nothing but street cred

the more time and money i invest in making clothes so that i can get an audience and money so that i can make comics the less time i am able to spend making comics

the average clothing thing ive done has given me like a 10 to 1 return on investment and also people actually wear the shit and rep it in a meaningful way that extends beyond like my book that i care abt sitting on their shelf mostly forgottten

ultimately i think that it will make me better at making comics though because there is way too much of a glut of guys who just make comics anyway and being outside and seeing shit and having opinions abt shit other than comics makes me smarter and have more stuff to say in my comics when i do make them

i have in the past year gotten better at drawing in specific ways that im proud of bc of doing stuff other than making myself sit in front of a photoshop screen for 8 hours a day to doodle stuff im only loosely passionate about and giving myself time to air my shit out

i know how to do things like how to contact manufacturers and custom design shit now that i didnt know how to do before and i wouldnt have known how to do before if i didnt take time to do stuff other than try to make comics in photoshop. im so much better at printing now. idk. im gonna make more comics if i dont get hit by a bus first. but in the meantime im balling

#im becoming materially and tangibly smarter and better than i was #and it will make my comics more physical and epic #ask

19 notes · View notes

buck-yyyy · 2 years

Text

y’all i need some advice, but this kinda turned into a whole rant- tldr at the end :/

im so fucking sick of not being able to interpret social cues. i just spent 20+ minutes talking about history with my mom while we drove home, with other people in the car, and i thought she was having a nice time because i was doing really good with letting the conversation not be too heavy on my side (i have issues with getting too lecture-y and not letting people talk when i talk about things i love) and she was being active in the conversation and it seemed like she was genuinely enjoying it. we get out of the car, and my cousin went ‘ugh, *name*, no more talking about history’, to which i responded ‘you weren’t even a part of the conversation??’ and my mom just turned to her and said in the most infantilizing possible voice, ‘she [me] really loves history, you can just let her talk about it’, implying that she was just listening to me because she had to and not because she actually cared about the conversation. the second she said it i started tearing up and now i’m hiding in the bathroom because i don’t want to see anyone else right now.

i just- i don’t pick up on that stuff like other people do, and i don’t know why. i can rarely tell the difference between when people are actually interested in what i’m saying versus just pretending to be. and i hate it. i hate it so much.

it’s not even just in that kind of scenario that i struggle with this shit. it took me MONTHS after i left eighth grade to realize that my friends from middle school didn’t really like me all that much and just let me hang around because they had to, even when none of them made any effort to talk to me. they made fun of my interests all the time, unless they benefitted them (i used to bake and bring them the treats because no one in my house would eat them).

i can’t pick up on masked sarcasm. when it’s blatant, i get it, and i get most jokes and stuff, but anytime someone is subtlety sarcastic, i’m the only one who doesn’t get it and then get weird looks when i ask what they meant.

it’s practically impossible for me to gauge people’s real interest in what i’m saying. i can’t stop myself from infodumping about the stuff i love. all this stuff, that’s so easy for everyone else, is SO HARD for me, and i don’t understand WHY.

i’m so sick of social rules and expectations. as a kid, i was taught that even if you’re not interested in what people have to say, you need to listen, because it’s clearly important to them- no one follows that, and i frequently get ignored or talked over because no one gives a shot about my interests. why car we taught this shit if no one is going to actually do it? we have to make eye contact with people for them to trust us, but it doesn’t MEAN anything, so what’s the fucking point?

i just feel so different than everyone around me.

i feel like i process and experience emotions differently than everyone else- i don’t get sad like my mom does when people die that other people know, even though i feel so bad about feeling nothing, especially because i get such strong, uncontrollable emotional reactions to stuff that doesn’t fucking matter to everyone else (stranger things is a really good example. i cried four times during volume two, sobbed the whole way to dinner because i was so distraught over everything, has zero appetite and almost relapsed with something all because of a a fucking tv show).

stuff like certain sounds makes my brain go absolutely haywire, and i get both an emotional AND physical reaction to it- if someone blows a raspberry with their tongue, my whole mouth feels gross and tingly and i get irrationally upset.

i get so fixated on stuff, and no one else around me is like that. my entire life, i’ve had such intense interests in the stuff that i like that i can’t think about ANYTHING else for weeks, months, sometimes even a year- but then it’ll fizzle away in less than a week and i won’t even want to touch it. i can’t consume media the same way other people do, i can’t hold an interest for an extended period of time, and while i love how intense my love for these things is, it really sucks to have it be completely uncontrollable.

i just don’t understand why i don’t get this stuff, why i feel so different than everyone around me, why i process things so differently. if anyone has advice, or feels the same, please let me know- i feel so fucking alone in this.

tldr: i can’t pick up on social cues like everyone else can, and i don’t understand why. i process and experience my emotions so differently than everyone else around me, my interests are on a completely different wavelength than anyone else, and i feel so different than everyone else, like i’m a completely different species. i hate it and i don’t get why. if anyone has advice or feels the same, it would mean the world to me if you could share :/

#advice please

15 notes · View notes

missshoppingbagslove · 2 years

Text

SELF CONCEPT WORK 😍

So I am 6 months in to SOLID SC work ! I have woken up every morning and positively affirmed, I’ve listened to subliminals, listened to affirmations on my way to work and persisted the f*ck out of circumstances! Worked through trauma in therapy, been at Pilates 3 times a week! I first started manifesting when I was 22 years young and now 8 years later I’m into law of assumption and it’s transformed my life 🤩

As someone who previously had poor boundaries, codependent and was used to always putting other people before me this is huge!! I am celebrating the f*ck out of this! I am now my biggest priority and focusing on myself solely and giving myself my undivided attention and energy 😍. I’ve chosen to specifically highlight this because I’ve tended to skim over and skip over these and actually I deserve to celebrate and feel good about looking after myself In all AREAS of my life. I give myself FULL credit for the effort I’ve put into myself and I feel that it should not be overlooked. It could have been easy to just stop or not be bothered to affirm etc however I persisted and did not give up on me. It also feels good to know I’m giving all of my energy and attention to me and no one else is getting this much attention from me and it makes me feel special and exclusive ! I can no longer say ‘ people don’t support me or take advantage’ because I’m actually giving all of me to me and I love it! Im super focused on me and the vision I have for myself and my life and I love it ! I don’t have to settle and if I’m unhappy I just need to change the story I’m telling myself and that’s it ! It really is that simple.

I’ve not stopped affirming and talking to myself kindly. I’ve also learned and embodied the concept of Give to yourself what you seek from others. My affirmations are being recited back to me from others, and YES 3D is conforming. I try not to pay attention to 3D but I do use it as feedback at times also to see how I’m doing and what other people are showing me also.

Things I’ve learned along the way is do the SC work to solely feel good about self and not to manifest a man or anything. We all deserve to feel really good about ourselves ! Also there is NOTHING far fetched. I can have anything, be anything and do anything I want ! Think as BIG as possible and no it’s possible, I have it and I’ve always had it. I don’t want to manifest what I ‘think’ I ‘should’ have NO let’s get delusional baby 🙌🏾. Think BIG!!!!! I’m NOT thinking in the box at all whatsoever. I’ve posted a lot on the thing I’ve manifested over the past 6 months and it really is amazing! I’m excited to see where I will be at by August on my birthday 😍. I am nothing short of amazing and I own it 🥹.

#gorgeous #beautiful #selflove #self love #self concept #law of assumption #manifestation success story #manifestation magic #manifestation #blackgirlmagic #soft life #working on myself #blackbeauty

47 notes · View notes