#im more of a rum guy... maybe ill do that to some Rum...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I feel like barnabys favorite drink (alcoholic) might be a old fashioned? And non alcoholic mixed drink. Might be a Shirley temple. (Which Is my favorite non alcoholic mixed drink!)

(Of course this is all my opinion! But yea!

he Does feel like a classy guy, huh? but who's to say! Who's. To. Say...

#ohhhh dont say shirley temple thats one of my favs as well.... #dont put that thought in my head... #oh what i wouldnt do for one rn. its been so long </3 #catch me going to the bar and getting one of those instead of Anything else #rambles from the bog #but yeah. who knows maybe he'd enjoy just plain whiskey #a nice Quality bourbon perhaps... #we're probably way off the mark here! #no wait he seems to have a sweet tooth given his hotdog order... as well as a lack of tastebuds... #idk. you know that guy who makes hellish alcohol concoctions in bathtubs. bathtub jungle juice #maybe barn would enjoy That. absolutely absurd concept.... #but as always! what do i know! #lmfao im picturing him swirling whipped cream on whiskey aaslcnjalscnslkd + a cherry.... maybe some sprinkles.... #actually that doesnt sound too bad. hm. #we Do have whiskey i think... maybe ill have some fun tomorrow #nah actually im not a big fan of straight whiskey #im more of a rum guy... maybe ill do that to some Rum...

[drkcnry67]

One Night...

A/N thank you so much to @randomfandomimagine for the opportunity to branch out on my writing endeavours once more. i bring you something not marvel, or dc or supernatural or hogwarts related. i am bringing you guys something entirely new! hoope that you all enjoy this story its gonna be a bumpy ride.

Pairing: D'Artagnan x reader

Prompts: “Go and do it then, see if I care.” + “I think I’m gonna faint.” + “You do not speak of that which you know little about…” + “Things just can’t get any worst.” + hurt / comfort + accidental confession + anger + shock + romantic + hurt

Tags: reader taking a vile of poison meant for the king, d'artagnan and the reader implied not detailed smut, d'artagnan and reader argument the reader storming off to do something stupid, d'artagnan not telling reader how he truly feels till its almost too late, dont think there is anything else. kisses, make out, quick pressed engagement maybe, maybe some mushy fluff stuff. (not all this may be in the story but its included in the tags aanyway)

Rating: 14+

Word count: 2,992

Created for @sweetness47 @randomfandomimagine

Summery: nope

you were drinking with your best friend in the entire universe, it was a celebratory thing where you guys had just reunited after he and the other musketeers had just come back from victory at a rescue mission for the king.

you and your best friend D'artagnan both secretly unknowingly by eachother, crushing on eachother, you did it, you both were way past your limits, im talking like way passed over drunk im talking like 14 bottles of mead, 16 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of rum all on a tab that someone would be very sorry about later.

but waking up in the morning it was like someone was playing the kings royal drum roll on your head with bricks. but your vision became clearer the more awake you became...

yn(barely audible mostly mouthing words to self): omg im naked, but that must mean...

you were too scared of what you might see beside you but you knew if you didnt look you might never know what happened that previous night... thats when you got up off the bed gently and quietly.

yn(barely audible mouthing words to self): oh my god i slept well with my best friend, he doesnt even know how i feel... i dont know what im gonna do, i gotta get back home before constance wakes up and starts to worry.

you get your stuff putting on something to wear and your cloak and going from the room at the tavern where you woke to the house. you opened the door and walked inside trying to be quiet but constance came out of her room just as you were heading to yours.

she followed you and felt your emotions spiking, as she watched you sit on your bed half dressed...

Yn: before you say anything, Constance something happened to me last night I remember sitting in the tavern celebrating with D'Artagnan, and then I wake up this morning naked in the bed beside him... Constance it was awful, I mean I know it would have happened eventually anyway but last night, we were heavily drunk and it's not how I wanted it to go.

Constance: just sit and compose yourself yn, your emotions are a little high but remember we have duties to attend to later... let me sort this out, I need to find and speak with him at once. I'll do that as I head to the palace to assist the queen.

Yn: Constance just please tell him I was scared when I woke that's why I left without a word this morning. Things just can’t get any worst… can they?

constance: ill tell the queen you will be a bit late... that you went to market... you gonna be okay?

you nod as you go grab your fresh clothes from your wardrobe. then give constance a hug before she leaves the room. you spend time washing your self off and doing your hair and getting dressed.

meanwhile constance was arriving at the garrison, where she cornered d’artagnan while he was grabbing the mount for his horse… constance punched him in the arm…

D’artagnan now nursing his sore arm answers constance.

D’artagnan: good morning constance.

Constance: how dare you… how could you do this to her…

D’artagnan: im quite certain i dont know what you mean…

Constance: yn came home this morning all upset, beside herself. I know what happened between the 2 of you last night… well i know her perspective.

D’artagnan: thank heaven… is she alright? Where is she?

Constance: she is composing herself while she gets ready to meet me at work. She wants me to let you know that when she woke up she got a little scared, her having no memory of the previous night and she woke to you being next to her, she just was scared and so she left without a word or waking you… she just says she will speak to you about this and what it means when she is ready… she is fine…

D’artagnan took a breath in a deep one at that… and on the exhale he simply looked at Constance.

D'Artagnan: at least she is safe.

That's when they were interrupted by Athos clearing his throat…

Athos: morning Constance. D'Artagnan let's go we have to get to the castle to act as protection detail to the council meeting.

Both D'Artagnan and Constance say their goodbyes and leave their seperate ways…

You however were already almost to the castle when you stopped in market to get a new shawl and some flowers for the queen. Obviously you were taking your time not wanting to rush… but While that was happening Constance was just arriving at the castle where she goes to greet the queen and tell her a small portion of your tale before starting her duties.

You arrived at the palace flowers in hand wearing your new shawl going inside you go to where you knew the queen would be…

Anne: yn, Constance told me some of what you went through not all the details but it sounded like you had a very trying morning…

Yn: indeed I did your majesty… I shall put these flowers in a vase for you… then you can tell me what the agenda is for today…

Anne: just put those flowers in with the ones on the table here and come sit down you need to relax a bit before we conduct any sort of business.

You do as the queen says, taking a seat in the chair beside her you taking a deep breath and exhale it slowly…

Anne: feeling a bit better?

Yn: I still feel like a failure but ya I am somewhat more composed now.

Anne: great I'm glad to hear it. Now onto business you and I have to attend this council meeting this afternoon… the musketeers are the protection detail for the meeting. But your not leaving my side. Constance is doing her rounds and running some errands for me. And then once the meeting is done food and drinks will be brought out. Rochefort will also be there whispering in the king's ear. That's why your not leaving my side. If the king can have his secrets with Rochefort then I'll have my own with you At my ear.

Yn: so basically I'm being promoted again to confidante/loyal best friend?

Anne: silently yes… what the king doesn't know won't hurt him… plus I know you watching everything… you see and hear everything, you can descern what rocheforts true intent is… or if anything is gonna go wrong you can step in… I trust your judgement.

With the queen on your side you felt much better, you both prepared yourselves to walk out of the room and into the council meeting…but just as you were about to exit the room, rochefort bursts through the door unannounced and begins striding his way around the room… its only after you and anne clear your throats that he realizes that the room isnt empty…

Rochefort gets down on bended knee…

Rochefort: your majesty, yn i didnt see you both in here.

Yn: clearly the queen and i were just on the way to the council meeting… isnt that where you should be as well… with the king?

Rochefort clearly not planned on getting caught now backed into a corner.

Rochefort: indeed, well i shall take my leave and see you both there… your majesty, yn…

Both you and the queen step aside and watch as rochefort exits. You go to the guards outside the doors and give them the following words.

Yn: you both are to never ever let rochefort into this room like ever again unless myself and or the musketeers are present and the queen is never to be left alone with rochefort again is that understood… and triple the guard outside this room anyone seeking to enter this room needs to have either a note signed by either me or one of the musketeers or the queen herself.. No one else not the king not rochefort no one else… this is an extreme security procedure not to be discussed with any except me… i shall also have words with mister treville and the musketeers as well… do you both understand me…

The guard in unison speak: yes m’lady. We will get right on the tripling of the guard. Would you like us all stationed in pairs down each corridor leading to this room…

Yn: yes, that sounds like a plan.. Ill send one of the musketeers to spear head the positioning down each corridor… you guys are gonna be expected to sign agreements for this new order… this will be given and passed round by the musketeer Athos… no one else is gonna get through these corridors are gonna be locked down so the queen can have her private chamber away from the crowd, away from the king where she can have her private council…

Guard 1: very well, will there be a way for you to get us a list of allowed personal to access this room…

Yn: yes, that will also be sent with athos. Do not let anyone come down these hallways without a full body search of their persons and each of you will stand at a corridor and watch the hallways till your reinforcements arrive. Im gonna take the queen to the council chambers and ill send athos with the papers.

With that you and the queen leave down one of the corridors with the intent of making it to the council chamber with enough time for you and the queen to speak with athos… you usher for athos and the rest of the group to meet you and the queen on the side bar…

Athos: your majesty, you look radiant… yn, you look slightly concerned…

Yn: thats kinda why we are meeting away from the crowd… you and the others are gonna be apart of the new protection detail for the queens private chambers… where she can escape the craziness of court for a bit.. Yes both constance and i are the only ones who have known where this room is… but you are the only ones who can help us make sure the new order of detail

That's when D'Artagnan caught your gaze, Anne noticed this and took over the speaking.

Anne: noble musketeers I do not trust Rochefort for he was caught by me and yn leaving these secret chambers of mine not but a few short moments before we were coming here. He was looking for something. I have a parchment ready for the order of detail to be written down as well as the list of people who are the ones only allowed to enter. This is meant to be my safe space and earlier it did not feel safe.normally i would speak to the king of such a matter but i fear that rochefort may be poisoning the kings mind. Please athos i trust you to get my new detail up and running.

Athos pulls aramis and porthos aside as d’artagnan slowly approaches you….

D’artagnan: can we talk a moment yn?

You turn to him slightly while staying fully by the queens side.

Yn: not now maybe a little later… the meeting is bout to start…

You dont even continue to glance at him, you instead take your seat by the queens side… the meeting is going smoothly till the snack and drink trays are brought in… the page who is bringing in the king and queens is acting suspicious in your eyes… so you watch him, only to witness him pouring the entire contents of a small vile into both the kings and the queens drinks…

The boy then brings them forth.. Placing one goblet in front of the king and one in front of the queen… but before a drop can touch either of their lips you snatch both goblets and back up a bit… one goblet per hand, d’artagnan approaches you calmly but with haste…

Louie: what in the world is this girl doing…

Yn: your majesty i regret to inform you of this but i saw that page boy who delivered your s and the queens drinks pour the entire contents of a vile into both goblets. Porthos athos detain that boy till we sort this out no one in this room leaves till this gets sorted…

Over the next few moments the meeting was in a bit of chaos, but you and d’artagnan were now having a very heated discussion about this..

D’artagnan: are you mad… dont drink it dont do this just to prove a point…

Yn: im doing this to save our king and queen are you telling me tht you wouldnt do the same thing…

After a few moments of silence d’artagnan yelled gathering the entire rooms attention.

D’artagnan: go and do it then, see if i care…

You take a swig of one of the goblets… waiting a few moments, before you and d’artagnan turn to the rest of the room, but before the boy is fully released you suddenly become very dizzy..

Yn: d’artagnan i think i’m gonna faint…

You kinda slurred the last word before dropping the goblets and falling toward the ground… d’artagnan not caring bout his clothes at that moment slides down to catch your head in his lap before you hit the ground. In a panic and shock d’artagnan and aramis along with an escort of some guards carried you back to the garrison, athos and porthos stayed to oversee the execution of the page boy and to question everyone…

But d’artagnan didnt leave your side even after aramis and the doctors administered the cure for the poison… it was a cure any poison remedy…

It was 2 hours later and you hadn’t woke up yet… athos returned to the garrison to check on d’artagnan and you…

Athos: how is she?

D’artagnan: aramis and the doctor administered a cure all… they said she should wake in a few hours… im not leaving her side till she wakes…

Athos watches d’artagnan as his facials change from concern to shock and finally to comfort the longer he watches you… athos decides to say something to d’artagnan…

Athos: how long have you been in love with her?

D’artagnan turns to athos and gets off his seat making his way toward him…

D’artagnan: how did you…

Athos: i can tell by th way you look at her my friend…

D’artagnan: i have been in love with her since the first day i saw her, but last night we were out celebrating and we gave ourselves to eachother in a drunken state no clarity whatsoever… constance came to see me this morning guess yn was scared this morning when she woke naked beside me and when she drank the goblets contents i…

Athos: i am sorry my friend, look i know what you are going through… i felt some of…

D’artagnan a little angry and hurt and shocked beyond reason yelled…

D’artagnan: no athos, you do not speak of what which you know little about… she all but told me in her own subtle way earlier that she was in love with me… you know what im gonna do it, im gonna marry this girl…

A few more hours passed athos and the other musketeers now sitting in the room as well, to lend their support to their friend as he tries his best to stay sane… but you were just waking up when treville walked in… everyone relieved to see you awake, treville had you sign some papers for the new guard detail, and then treville and everyone except d’artagnan left the room…

D’artagnan: i am so happy your alright.. And once you are all better we will have a few things to do… but while you were unconscious i did some thinking and i dont want to do this none confessional dance with you anymore… this acting like i am not in love with you isnt working for me… last night we lost ourselves to eachother and that was the best feeling ever till i woke up and you were gone… i thought maybe you didnt feel the same way till constance came here this morning and yelled at me…

Yn: what are you trying to say, that we have been fooling ourselves thinking we didnt feel the same way… and now we need to make up for lost time cause i think we did that last night…

D’artagnan: yes but we are going to skip a free steps cause i dont want to spend the rest of my life without you and in this line of work anything can happen today proved that… so the queen sent this with a note attached to it i read the note and its mainly for you but i was given very clear instructions on what to do with the attachment…

You read the note it was short and sweet plain clear concise and simple… went like this, “first things first yn, say yes to this question he is your soulmate and we are all rooting for you both to succeed… second D’artagnan give her this and ask her what you have wanted to ask her from the day you met her… i hope this makes a happy ever after… and i lend my services to you guys anything you need. Love Queen Anne…”

You sat up and starred at d’artagnan who now was holding a small gold band with a few diamonds on the top of the band… he said those words you always wanted to hear…

D’artagnan: marry me yn… lets live our lives together one day at a time.

Yn: yes of course yes…

The ring on your finger, the kisses flowing work the next day would be a new chapter…

~the end~

#d'artagnan #musketeers #followers celebration

[hergan416]

For the Chocolate / Kisses prompt in the MF Discord server

Written in the YGO/One Piece Crossover universe created for Seek and Ye Shall Find.

While the main fic is rated M, the work below is rated T. 

I ended up just giving up and deciding to post it. Sorry for any mistakes that still exist. Hopefully Japan is accurate enough--as a dumb white American I know nothing except what google, and a very nice person from the Yugioh mini-exchange discord server, have told me.

(I reserve the right to edit this before I add any of it to the main story).

Katakuri stood in front of the proffered address, passed from Pegasus’ hands to his own, warily. His presence no longer seemed to be jail-worthy, as he’d been released, but he was sure that it had something to do with the influence of the white haired man and the conversation they had had.

He could see into the window of the bedroom above the shop from his full height, the bright red lettering reading “Kame Game” above the shop’s door passing his chest like a t-shirt slogan. A small man sat on a bed, zoned out in front of one of the square boxes he'd learned to call TVs, a corded remote in his hands. His face screwed together closely in concentration, and his whole body moved as he pushed the buttons on the controller.

Katakuri crouched, feeling intrusive. The glass panes on the store's doorframe revealed an equally miniscule shop interior. Katakuri would never fit inside, even if he could make it past the front door. He raised a hand to knock twice on the glass, rattling the frame a bit, despite the fact he'd attempted to be gentle.

The noise attracted the attention of the shopkeeper behind the counter. The short, graying man glanced up, widening his eyes in shock. He paced slowly towards the door, pushing it open hesitantly. 

“May I help you?” he asked.

“I’m looking for Yugi,” Katakuri stated, glancing down at the short man, who was still nearly half Kakauri’s stature when he bent in two like this. “Is that you?”

“Oh no,” the man chuckled fondly. “That’s my grandson. I’ll get him for you.” The man glanced up at Katakuri curiously, but made no comment as he turned back inside the store. Katakuri watched him shuffle to the back of the shop to open a door, yelling up the stairs behind it. 

Momentarily, the short man from the bedroom bolted down the stairs past his grandfather, glancing out the shop door with a confused expression. As soon as he saw Katakuri, however, some understanding crossed his face.

Katakuri would normally have predicted someone to have turned away and become worried based on that look. Yugi, however, smiled widely and walked out the door to talk to him.

“Hello!” Yugi greeted, and Katakuri blinked.

“Hello,” he responded, wondering what Yugi’s gambit was, and wishing once more that using his future sight under this world’s conditions didn’t make him feel so ill.

“Jounouchi told me about meeting you,” Yugi said again, grin not leaving his face.

That made Yugi’s response even more confusing. Katakuri needed control over the conversation. To try to preemptively dispel any of Yugi’s worries, displayed or not, he asked, “Did he tell you that I’m visiting from another world?” 

Yugi only shook his head excitedly. “No, just that you first appeared in the Kaiba Dome, and that you were strong. But you don’t seem dangerous.”

Not dangerous? What was wrong with him?

“What can I do for you?” Yugi asked, looking up at Katakuri patiently. He had to crane his neck, even with Katakuri bent over like this, not being much taller than his grandfather.

Either way, if Yugi wanted to get to the point of the conversation, Katakuri had no issue. “My mom likes sweets,” Katakuri started. “Before I go home, I want to bring some samples back for her, as a present.”

“Oh! That makes sense!” Yugi beamed. He couldn’t really be that gullible, could he? “I can help you find some treats to bring her. There are a lot of interesting candies in Japan.”

Katakuri nodded. “Thank you.”

Yugi smiled broadly. “I think my partner might be helpful too, if you don’t mind another tagging along?”

Katakuri blinked. “Sure?” he replied.

“Great! Ryou loves cream puffs, I don’t want to show you the best bakery in town without bringing them along. Let me call them!”

Yugi was so cheerful. Katakuri could so easily kill him, why was he so carefree? And why did Yugi say Ryou was a “them?”

Yugi had pulled a small, shiny purple device from his pocket and flipped it open, pressing a few digits on the interior keypad of the phone. While the ringing Katakuri could hear faintly was different than a den den, the familiar "clank" proceeded the voice of another human answering was reminiscent of the creatures.

"Hey Yugi! What's up?"

"Wanna get some cream puffs?" Yugi asked excitedly, not mentioning Katakuri.

"Always! What's the occasion?" came the muffled voice on the other line.

"I have a new friend that is shopping for sweets for their mom." Yugi glanced at Katakuri, as though making a mental note. 

Katakuri had been struck by the turn of phrase in which he had been also called they, and had stopped listening momentarily to Ryou’s response.

"I forgot to ask," Yugi replied guilty, loudly enough to interrupt Katakuri’s thoughts. He put his hand over the phone and gestured up at Katakuri to get his attention.

"What are your pronouns?"

His what? Katakuri blinked.

"I use he/him," Yugi continued, gesturing towards himself. "Ryou uses they/them." He gestured at the electronic device. Ryou was not a she or a he, it seemed like. Intriguing. He wondered what a person like that would be like. This world was interesting.

Why did Yugi think he might be a they/them too? Was something off about his masculinity in this world? Everyone at home was quick to call him a him. Having an option now seemed...interesting. Maybe he should try it, try to be a they/them. Not have to be a brother for a minute.

But what if they found out? There had to be some classification for being a they/them, unique to this world. And not being from this world, he likely didn’t have it.

"He/him," Katakuri replied, his voice expressing doomed finality.

"He, sorry," Yugi said into the phone, repeating the information without comment as to how long it took Katakuri to answer, or the tone of his voice. Katakuri felt a pang of regret at the pronoun choice, then shoved all the feelings about the conversation away. It wasn’t fair to Yugi, or his family, or anyone.

Katakuri listened intently as the information which had seemed so important moments ago was glossed over. All that, just to be met with smiles and grins, and questions about where they should meet.

"We're in front of Kame Game right now, but we could probably start heading towards downtown and meet you there. I don't think he will fit in a taxi."

"Oh! Is this that giant guy from the news?!" Ryou sounded excited. "I thought it was just a myth. Maybe he has information about other cryptids!" Katakuri blinked. Why would he know anything about this world’s cryptids?

Yugi chuckled into the receiver. "Meet you at New Domnio Baked Goods. We should head out sooner rather than later."

Ryou assented, and the phone call ended.

"My name is Katakuri," Katakuri added, realizing he had not said so before.

"Nice to meet you. It seems like you at least knew of me, I'm Yugi," Yugi replied, holding out his hand.

As Katakuri took it, he was conscious not to squeeze at all. He doubted that anyone on earth had the constitution to withstand a proper handshake, and Yugi was even smaller than Pegasus had been.

"We should start walking," Yugi said, gesturing forward down the street. "The bakery is going to be downtown."

Katakuri nodded, standing back up to his full height with a stretch. A few moments later, he’d fallen into step behind Yugi. 

As they walked, Katakuri was struck by how little dichotomy there actually was between the two of them. Yugi was obviously quite short, and trusted far too easily. But they had a similar fashion sense, all leather and belts and blacks, with outlandish hair color. Yugi walked confidently through the world, but the confidence lacked arrogance, like Seto Kaiba possessed. Further, Yugi seemed to love a challenge, already puzzling through the best route to get candies.

“We’ll stop at Lawson on the way. That way you can see some of the convenience store treats, and Lawson’s the best for those. We’ll get a Baschee, and see if there’s also a real one left at the bakery, so she can tell the difference. And I think they’ve got the sake Kit Kats in stock right now, and you’ll have to try the Banana and Rum Raisin ones, those are the ones from our region…”

Katakuri simply nodded along, content to leave the planning to Yugi. There was one thing he cared about, however. “There are donuts at the bakery, right?” he asked.

“Of course. I can make sure you get some,” Yugi smiled up at Katakuri brightly. 

“What’s your budget like?” Yugi asked, face falling suddenly, as though he’d run into an unexpected roadblock.

Katakuri blinked, then pulled out the paper money Pegasus had given him in exchange for a few Berri to study. He handed it all to Yugi, not understanding the difference in the colored slips of paper. “I don’t normally pay for things, so you’ll just have to figure it out.”

Yugi’s eyes widened, ignoring Katakuri’s comment. “Oh, wow! We could even buy admission to Kaiba Land and try all the duel monsters treats there with this!” Yugi’s eyes were gleaming, looking excited. “You can get the Blue Eyes White Dragons and the Dark Magician treats anywhere, but all the other duel monsters are Kaiba Land exclusives. Marshmallon is my favorite, but the Kuribohs are good too. Oh! And there are these little heart-shaped candies that the lady dressed up like Injection Fairy Lily makes at the bake store….”

Katakuri shook his head, interrupting Yugi. “I don’t think Kaiba Land is a good idea,” he warned, frowning behind his scarf. “I don’t want to make him any angrier than he already is. Plus, my mother is even larger than me. Imagine how many sweets she’ll need just to try them. And I would like enough to taste as well.

Yugi shrugged, but nodded, taking Katakuri’s response in stride. “That makes sense, I guess,” Yugi said.

“Just buy a lot of everything,” Katakuri replied. “Lawson’s and your bakery should be plenty.”

Yugi nodded, beginning the conversation about the various Lawson’s snacks anew as they walked.

----

Soon, the pair had arrived in front of a large, brightly lit storefront, a blue banner stretching across the top of the building. Glass windows showed rows and rows of products (from food to clothing, and everything in between) stocked in neat rows inside. Katakuri, of course, could not fit.

“Can you uh…” he trailed off, and Yugi smiled up at him. 

Yugi shuffled into the store, pulling items off the shelves in bulk. Katakuri watched Yugi through the glass for the nearly fifteen minutes it took Yugi to find all the items, wait in line, and check out. Yugi shuffled out, the mound of sweets stored in several plastic bags. Katakuri couldn’t wait to try them, once back in Brulee’s mirror. His mouth watered, and he had to force his stomach to stop from rumbling.

“I’ll come back soon. Did my list sound ok?”

Katakuri just nodded. He wasn’t going to tell Yugi that the list didn’t make any sense to him, and that he’d stopped listening to Yugi’s ramblings pretty soon after shutting him down about the theme park, since they were making him hungry.

Walking to the bakery was even worse. Even though he knew that he’d be acquiring donuts, the weight of all the things Yugi had bought at the convenience store was taunting Katakuri, who had yet to eat since he’d arrived in Dominio a few days ago. But, with his goal so close, and the promise of returning to Brulee to eat them so near, he knew he needed patience.

The hunger made his height even worse, however, and gravity was weighing heavily on him by the time they had arrived at the small building, simply labeled in small, white letters "New Domino Baked Goods.”

Ryou had already purchased cream puffs and was eating them outside when Yugi and Katakuri arrived. Katakuri tried not to let his mouth water, as he thought about how close he was to acquiring donuts. Yugi ran to greet Ryou, who gave Yugi a hug as he got within range. Katakuri tried to distract his hungry belly by closely examining the other person, trying to figure out what was different to make Ryou a they.

However, this seemed to be a bit of a mystery. There wasn’t anything exceptionally different about them. Ryou was just another short person, with long white hair, and a flat chest. If Katakuri had seen Ryou at home, he’d have assumed Ryou was male. But, Ryou, evidently was not.

Katakuri’s hunger and frustration with the train of thought was making him cranky. He wanted to pound down the door to the store, grab as many sweets as he could, then escape through Burlee’s mirror. Money took so long to use. He forced himself to wait, remembering his promise to Pegasus when he was let out of jail. Stupid people and their PR. 

Impatient, he decided to pull out the pocket mirror and mime examining himself in it to give Brulee a heads-up that he was growing impatient. He needed to eat. Soon. She appeared in front of him and he sighed. “I just need to wait a moment for the rest of the food,” he murmured, head angled so that no cameras in the area would be the wiser to the woman he was speaking to. 

Brulee nodded, grinning widely. “Please have safe donuts and a tent ready when I get into the mirror,” he requested, and she agreed again.

The shop door opened and a bell rang to signal Yugi and Ryou leaving. They handed him several paper bags, and a few boxes of treats. He didn’t even listen as Yugi tried to give him his money back, or Ryou tried to ask him questions about where he came from. Instead, he simply thrust the mirror towards Yugi until he was holding it.

“Goodbye,” he announced to Yugi’s startled face. “Thank you.”

And then Brulee’s hands reached from the mirror, gripping the sides of his leather jacket, pulling him through the small surface in a convolution of physics. Yugi and Ryou were left staring at the street where Katakuri had stood in blinking confusion. Yugi yelled at the mirror, which appeared overly-large in his hands, that he hoped his trip was safe and it was good to meet him, Katakuri was barely listening. It was time to get away from the awful, tiny, cramped world with it’s omnipresent cameras, and eat.

#katakuri #seek and ye shall find #my writing #yugi #ryou #pegasus #(mentioned only) #ygo #op #heartshipping #forgot that one

[genius11rare]

Figured id try this. AH  Chit chat livestream notes / QnA  7-10-20

because i'm weird i like “documenting” videos and (in this case) Live Streams. figured why keep this to myself so here. maybe one day ill just post a google docs link for a viewing copy but idk. So heres what i got for today seeing as the chitchat part will likely be cut off for the “real” video i may as well memorialize it. not perfect and may be kinda nonsensical but its what i could come up with.

Matt has a window…. With a balcony blocking above , pointless window. Red Web (trevors podcast)  “where he gets in over his head on the internet” “think if i just show them the episode of Technical Difficulties where i made garden lights into solar chargers i can get that tax kickback?” , Jacks neighbor with the tesla solar roof , having to train people to know how to install it . Ryan: “what are the odds he cant look outside at any given hour of the day and see atleast one human with a big piece of paper scratching their head” Elon Musk Starlink satellites for internet worldwide, Ryan “not saying that's _clearly_  a supervillain plot but if it was it wouldnt surprise me” , Ubisoft Far Cry teaser… oh its live action movie teaser clip- oh shit that's rendered!!! , teaser pick of a young Vaas with scars…. Ryan “Did he get them in the womb!?!?!?  Wanna know how i got these scars? Born with them don't know…”  “What is your fave type of cake?” Ryan: Chocolate (Lava)… don't put a sprinkle on it OR ILL SLAY YOU Jack: I mean is birthday a type of cake… Funfettis great Jeremy: both are stereotypical , Boston Creme cakes and Rum Cakes. Matt: Yellow cake with fudge frosting. “Pets and significant others are safe , what item do you grab in a house fire” Jack: Animation cel of the Dino DNA scene in Jurrassic Park (think i got it) Ryan: i mean my life looks alot like this corner , if i could burn this shit down to start with a new empty house i might even be happy. (chat Ryan your insurance is listening)  Jeremy: don't have much i really care about , just “well that sucks it burnt up” . Matt: first ever smash trophy i won , only one i still have. Chat answers “Photo albums , Ryans DeadPool Suit” “what games hope to be announced on microsoft stream?” Matt :  Fable 4 (Ryan ”surprised theyd try to bring it back past the press that is peter molyneu” Matt ” well now nothing holding them back , not those trees!”) Jack: not so much games but LockHeart the mini streaming Xbox. (Ryan: all those types of things have failed idk why they think - well they also made mixer and that went tits up so sure why not) Jeremy: microsoft doesnt really blow me away , arent really anything that im like “i HOPE they announce a sequel” Matt: know this isnt the right crowd but Banjo Kazzoie? Just added in smash , Crash Bandicoots got a new game it makes sense nows the time… i mean the time was already before this but fuck it do it anyway. Steffie says we are at almost 10 mil views on Achievement Knievel (9.95 mil)  Ryan “which one was that” (Jack and Jeremy) “that's Im Still In The Air” Ryan “oooohhh… now i know why i blocked it out… thought we titled it like “the greatest stunt ever” or atleast that's what we called it while making it” “rather fight 100 duck sized ChilledChaos (yey my boy chilled!) or 1 ChilledChaos sized duck?” Ryan “feel like the duck cuz atleast it still doesnt have thumbs” - Jeremy “or teeth , what is it gonna do it can bill and flipper you” Matt “i mean a bunch of tiny Chilleds can work together to kill you” Jeremy “right they will figure something out” Ryan “tiny chilled more dangerous he can infiltrate spaces i wouldnt expect to find him” “tv show / movie you could watch again for the first time what would it be?” Jack: Breaking bad and Endgame … but only if its with a crowd who is ALSO seeing it for the first time. Matt : The Office Ryan: Full Metal Alchemist (oh anime time) , everyone talks about Brotherhood but i really liked the original. Matt:  Brotherhoods a bit better but original is still good on its own (paraphrased). Ryan : had that twist at the end of “dafuq did this show just go?” made a movie based off it… skippable though. Jeremy: Futurama , *or erase all my knowledge of Whose Line* “Fave piece of Merch put out?” Jeremy: Geoff tanktop with the tribal skull. Ryan: *puts on classic gray achievement hunter hat* Jack: Extralife Posters if those count , like the Xmen AH one behind Ryan that Jon (Risinger i assume) and Pat (IDFK) made. Matt: Tiki Mugs. Jeremy “do you use those , make pina coladas?” Matt “often! When i get caught in the rain (GDI Matt) “ Chat alot saying FrontBack ,  one said Jacks Varsity Jacket. “Trapped in quarantine with a fictional character , who?” Jack: Macgyver maybe idk (Ryan: How about Dr Manhattan he could just fix it)  yeah like Q from star trek. Matt: GlaDOS but in potato form. Jeremy “theres a lot of anime girls id be ok being stuck with but idk their name” (i love jeremy)  a Matt: you want Lust from Full Metal Alchemist - Jeremy: That sounds great , (Ryan *Nods*) i can picture that i like it or if we keeping the Futurama train then Bender… think wed have A LOT of fun , and he wouldnt get me the virus! Ryan: no he would , hed deliberately try to get you  sick. Jeremy: hed bring people in “what occupation / person where you most surprised to find out was an AH fan?” Jack: Fun story im looking to learn how to Sauder , someone messaged me saying they're a fan if you need help , *hes the guy welding StarShip* Matt: well… anyone smart really… Jack (and Ryan) : the Dr Who Set/Prop designer (Ben) hes done some stuff us (think he snuck in a name plate on a show of Jack and Ryan name or something , saw a tweet about that before) Ryan: not really any that's surprising… there was the time Macauly Culkin wore our shirt (press my awesome button) “our” being RT  Jeremy: Cool meeting Xavier Woods but like we know hes a gaming fan and watches a lot of content like ours… still on Whose Line Johnathon Mangum is a AH fan , even messaging me at one point. Trevor in chat “what if president trump rode up in a Salad Chalice shirt” , Jack: one guy who bought it , like “im hip with the kids” Ryan: can you imagine someone less likely to be seen near a salad? Matt: I mean ryan he thinks he has to drink them so…. Jeremy: also been having a lot of solicitors recently for some reason… really annoying and during a pandemic. Ordered a sign thats basically “fuckoff im not answering the door LEAVE” , have a ring doorbell (some kind of doorbell app where you can talk to people at the door i guess?)  but when im recording cant be like “hang on a second - FUCKOFF” Ryan: i DO feel like you have the kind of job you could do that , if anything youd put them in the video like “hey you're live right now what you need” … Jack managed to crash 7D2D on my local system already that's a good sign (brief technical difficulties music playing as it cut to ryans screen in the game) 

#AH #Chit chat #livestream #Ryan Haywood #Jeremy Dooley #july 2020 #text #text post #backed up #for later #me #achievement hunter #long post #QnA #chat

[probablymango]

Dungeons and Arcana

Chapter 1: New Game

Lucio rubbed his face, trying hard not to glare at the others at the table with him. “Explain to me again, what is it you want to do?”

Asra smiles, setting down his glass. “We want to bring two more people into the game with us.”

“I got that. Who are they, do I know them, what are their experience, and do I need to start a new campaign?” He hated getting new players. Not that he wants to keep others from playing, but it meant having to learn them, figure out how they play characters, see what they could and couldn’t deal with, merging them into pre-existing campaigns was a bitch.

Julian raises his hand a bit. “My sister, she’s got a bit of experience from playing with me.”

Lucio nods, then looks at the other two.

“Our roommate, Muriel. You’ve probably met him before, or well, at least seen him.” Mordenkainen answered, making vaguely descriptive hand gestures. “Tall guy, beefy, wears a hoodie all the time, and has the big service dog. Ring any bells?”

It did, mostly because the guy was like a huge brick wall, but he wasn’t very social, so Lucio didn’t know him very well. “Does he have any experience?”

Asra and Mordenkainen look between each other with small looks of worry. “... We’ve tried…” “But neither of us are good dms so….” “Not really….”

“Jesus christ.” He groans, rubbing his face and pushing his glasses further up his face. “...... I’m going to have to meet them both, then we’ll see about a new campaign. Nadia!” He looked over his shoulder towards the kitchen.

“What?” Nadia yells back.

“You’re going to need to make a new character!”

“Okay! What kind of campaign?”

“Not sure yet! Probably just a self inserts and fantasy!”

“Hella!”

Lucio rolls his eyes then turns back to the three in front of him. “Same time or do we need to reschedule for the others?”

“Muriel is good with us.” Asra smiles brightly, lightly jumping in his seat.

Julian thinks for a bit, then pulls his cell out of his scrubs pocket. “... I’ll have to check in with her for that, but let’s stick with the same time for now.”

Lucio nods, ideas of what to make the campaign starting to form. “Good, good, please get them in contact with me before then please. I need to meet them first, even if it’s over webcam.”

Nadia came out of the kitchen, holding a bowl of grapes and milk shake. “So we’ve got more people coming?”

“Maybe.”

“Yes.” Rang in everyone else.

She nods, thoughtfully sipping at her shake. “We’ll have to order more food then. Do any of them have allergies?”

“Portia does, but I doubt that’ll stop her from eating what’s presented.”

“Still, best to make preparations anyways. What’s she allergic to?”

“Dairy, but she doesn’t acknowledge that fact.”

“Oh.” She makes a face. “Is…. is there a non-dairy pizza? Hmm, I’ll keep an eye out for non-dairy snacks that taste good.”

Julian sighs with relief. “Thank you. I can try to get her to send a list of snacks she likes, if that’d help?”

Nadia and Julian start to discuss food, while Lucio turns to the other two. “So, I know of Muriel, but what’s he like? Asides from being a big boy.”

“Shy, not outgoing, and suffers from anxiety.” Asra says, ruffling his brown hair. “We figured that doing it with friends would be the best chance at having him play and plus you’re pretty good, so we figured you’d be best at being one of his first dms.”

Lucio sighs in defeat. “We’ll talk more about this later.” He glances at the clock, then groans. “After work, it’s time to go.” He and Asra stand up, grabbing their bags and coats. “Bye Noddy!”

“Bye Mayor!” Asra grins, sliding on his obnoxiously colored green, pink, and orange jacket.

“Not mayor yet.” She laughs, waving them farewell. “Don’t forget your arm charger!”

“Thank you!” Lucio quickly grabs it from the counter, then goes out to the car. “What do you plan on playing tonight?”

Asra buckles himself, as he makes his signature cat face. “What do you mean?”

Lucio narrowed his eyes at him as he buckled himself in and pulled out. “Do you plan on being a memey little shit with the music tonight or do you plan on doing normal bar music?”

“Oh, you know.” He grins, giving Lucio the answer he knew. The bar was going to be filled with meme songs, most of them were going to give him a headache.

“You little shit.” He groaned, already feeling the headache forming from just thinking of what he was going to hear for the hours they were working together. “Can you at least put on good meme music?”

“Excuse you, but Smash Mouth is great music.” He laughs, watching the buildings pass by.

“No, no it’s not. And please, for the love of god, don’t play What’s New Pussycat, because I swear, I will jump over the bar and strangle you for it.”

“Kinky.” He snickers, poking at his shoulder.

“It’s not a kink thing you perverted little shit!” He groans, keeping his eyes on the road as he blindly slaps at Asra.

Asra snorts, weakly batting his hand away. “What if I play, It’s Not Unusual?”

“That’s worse!” He groans, putting his hand back on the wheel. “Just… Please, take some of the patrons’ requests.”

“I’ll consider it.”

It was quiet for the next few minutes, but as Lucio finished parking, his speakers came to life with-

“DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?”

“ASRAAAAAA!”

The culprit ran into the bar, laughing with bastardly delight. Lucio groaned, rubbing his face as he turned off the car, and grabbed his bag. He hoped today will be slow, so he could write, but since Asra took over the music selection, more people started coming in. It was good for business, but not good for his creativity. He went inside, clocked himself in, and went to his usual part of the bar, the one with the plug-in built into the counter. He plugged in his phone and arm, hoping people chose the other bartenders, but knowing he’s never that lucky.

His fear was confirmed about 10 minutes into his shift. Asra had some weird remix playing as a sickly looking older man came to the bar in front of him. Worm man, or Vlastomil, as his name tag reads, comes in regularly. The only reason Lucio even remembers this fucker is solely because he stands out; super pale, an almost leprechaun face, dark clothes, and is usually saying something about worms. He assumes the man works at the bait shop, but honestly didn't care enough to find out. “What will it be, sir?”

“Drunken worm cocktail.”

He gets out the ingredients, passion fruit vodka, peach schnapps, cointreu, coconut rum, sweet and sour, cranberry juice, and gummy worms. It looked tasty, white bottom, with red top, ice, and gummy worms resting on the top. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” He sets down $15 and walks away to a darker part of the room. A weird, but alright person.

He stares at him for a bit, then picks up his phone and starts typing.  Vlastomil…. Sounds like a perfect fantasy name….  He quickly made some notes, then put away his phone as another person came over. “Hi, how can I help you?”

The man in front of him was beautiful, like almost a model. Long hair in a braid, brown that somehow beautifully turns to blond, and clothes that looked a bit more expensive than this area normally gets. Dammit, he didn’t need an instant crush on a stranger. “What kinds of wine do you have?”

“... Uh, I’ll have to check the list.” Not many people wanted straight wine, so he forgot the actual names of them. “We have…. Pinot Grigio.. Some Chardonnay… uhhh.. Pinot Noir… Rose and Cabernet Sauvignon?”

He raises an eyebrow and has a small smile. “Not used to serving?”

“Not used to serving straight wine. Which would you like?”

He stares at the bottles for a bit. “Pinot Noir.”

“You got it.” He pours him a glass and hands it to him, then watches as he awkwardly holds the glass, probably expecting a wine glass instead of the regular ass glasses they have.

“Thank you.” He continues to stay at the bar, drinking as he looked around, sipping thoughtfully at his wine. “Hmp, this is just like him too.”

He shouldn’t butt in or even mention that he heard it, but his nosiness is getting the better of him. “Who?”

He sighs, leaning back into the bar. “My ex, he used to bring this home constantly. Should have expected the bad after taste of him with it.”

“That’s rough buddy.” Did he really just say that? He’s been dming too long, now he sounds like an actual NPC!

He snorts softly, turning to smile at him. “I didn’t think bartenders actually said that.”

They don’t, I’m just too used to fantasy. “I like going beyond people’s expectations.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He turns back around, continuing to sip at his wine.

Lucio looked over at Asra, only to see him gesturing to…. Do something? He looked at his phone and, oh, he sent a text.

Snek meme bastard: is that valerius? Me: Who is that and why should I care? Snek meme bastard: cuz hes muriels cuz Me: ….. Me: Can u try that again with proper spelling? Snek meme bastard: valerius is muriels cousin Snek meme bastard: is that valerius? Me: not sure Snek meme bastard: ASK Me: NO Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: please Me: no Snek meme bastard: ………. Snek meme bastard: ill give you $20 bucks if you do Me: …… if he calls the cops im bringing you to jail with me

He groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose, then looks back up at the handsome man in front of him. “What’s your name?”

He looks up at him. “.... any reason you want to know?”

Shit, shit, what does he say? “Why wouldn’t I like to know the name of an attractive person at my bar?” He grins, dying on the inside. He really needs to stop hanging out with MC, they were giving him bad habits of unnecessary flirting with everyone who sticks around for more than 5 minutes.

He looks at him for a bit, then laughs. “You…” He snorts, setting down his drink. “Where.. How did you learn to talk like that?”

“I have no idea of what you mean.” Well, at least he got the stranger to laugh, hopefully that means good things and not being considered a creep. “I speak like a regular people.”

He laughs more, then tries to take a sip of his wine. “I’ll…” He snickers. “I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me your’s.”

“I’m Lucio of Vesuvia!” He adds a bit of lordly flair to the way he says it, deciding to commit to the weird way of talking for this man. “And you are?”

He giggles, barely able to talk at this point. “I’m- hehehe- I’m Consul Valerius, at your service!” He goes back to laughing.

His phone lights up, warning him that Asra wanted to call. Fuck that, it’s too loud for that to work out. He declines the call to see that Asra had texted him. A lot.

Snek meme bastard: is it him? Snek meme bastard: hey Snek meme bastard: lucio Snek meme bastard: lucio Snek meme bastard: is it him? Snek meme bastard: LUCIO Snek meme bastard: lucy Snek meme bastard: i said get a name not flirt Snek meme bastard: …… Snek meme bastard: bitch Snek meme bastard: dude Snek meme bastard: respond or i will rick roll the entire club Snek meme bastard: im serious Snek meme bastard: just say if he is or isnt Snek meme bastard: 3 Snek meme bastard: 2 Snek meme bastard: 1 Me: WAIT

But it was too late, the room was filling with the beginning of Never Going to Give You Up, sending almost every person in the bar into a collective flight or fight response. Some were booing Asra, others just loudly complaining, some were laughing, and even fewer actually left. Asra stared directly at Lucio, demanding a response.

Me: YES HIS NAME IS VALERIUS Me: TURN IT OFF Snek meme bastard: :3

The music was changed to.. Something else, the song wasn’t familiar, so that was good. He sighs, rubbing his face. “Sorry about that. Our DJ is a…. He’s a bastard and let’s leave it at that…”

He shrugs, finishing his glass of wine. “It’s alright, odd choices in music, but he seems alright.”

After the song, one of the other DJs took over for a bit, then Asra made, as straight as he could, for them. “Valerius?”

“Who wants to know.” His mood immediately dropped back to being serious.

“Muriel’s roommate, Asra.”

He glances at Lucio, as if to get confirmation.

“This is my bastard coworker, Asra, the memelord.” Lucio sighs, gesturing at him.

Asra grins, then starts talking to Valerius, but Lucio stopped listening so that he could make some more notes. Vesuvia and Valerius… wonderful names..

“Excuse me!” A loud person, yelled at Lucio. He looked up to see Vulgora, one of the few people you actually remembered the name of. They were constantly getting into fights and just overall loud. “Get me a beer!”

“Any specific kind?”

“A beer!”

Lucio nodded, getting the cheapest beer he could find and putting it in a glass, then handing it to them. “Here you go.” Vulgora and the bar had a deal, they could drink as much as they wanted and the bill would be put directly on their bank account. The bill on most days was too many drinks, on worst days, over hundreds of dollars for repairs. He didn’t understand why they were let back in after the first time, but at least they were paying for it.

With their drink in hand, Vulgora started chugging as they went to find someone to arm wrestle, and Lucio went back to his phone. Vulgora… that’s a rather unique name…

There was tapping on the counter, he looked up to see one of his greatest fears: Dr. Valdemar. The doctor might not have done anything specifically harmful to him, but waking up in the middle of surgery was still lucid led to….. Visual nightmares that have haunted him for over 6 years. “..... How can I help you?”

“Have you seen Dearil?”

“Uhh.. no?” Name sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place who it was.

They look around, contemplating their next words. “Dark orange hair, reddish brown eyes, and is probably carrying a skull?”

No, no he has not. Well, maybe, there’s a lot of people here. He shrugs. “Can’t help you, sorry.”

They nod, setting down a bill. “Thanks anyways.” They wandered into the crowd, hopefully to never be seen again.

…. They would make a great villain. He typed some more at his phone. He was getting a lot of V names tonight.

“Um, sir?” There was a lady in front of him. “Do you serve food here?”

“The bar with food is over there.” He points to the other side.

“Thank you.” She smiles, walking away and someone said “Volta!” as she approached.

This place has a surprising amount of people with Vs in their first name… He went back to his phone, waiting on Asra to stop talking to the cute guy.

#mysterious art #lucio #arcana #nadia #julian #asra #apprentice #oc #fan apprentice #valerius #vlademar #vlastomil #volgora #volta #fanfiction #fanfic #oh yeah. i write sometimes

[joi-in-the-tardis]

Deep asks: 1, 3, 4, 12, 28, 35 Sorry, couldn't resist 😅

I can always count on you, @draco9236 :D

1: Summarize your favorite song in a few sentences and why it’s your favorite

It blows my mind that anyone can pick just one song as a favorite.  Firstly, because many songs have meaning for me: attached to people I have loved or triumphs/struggles in my life.  Secondly because there are so many songs.  And, thirdly, because I have a constant new roster of favorite songs.  So I’m going to pick one I come back to from time to time and a current favorite.

The Lark Ascending by Vaughan Williams - Because somehow it captures the hope but also the brevity of the life of a bird.  It makes me happy and sad somehow simultaneously.  The soaring strings and the dips... I dunno, it’s just a beautiful piece of music that sometimes I’ll listen to on repeat for hours.

West Coast by Imagine Dragons - Current favorite for two reasons: because I feel like I am a somewhat broken individual looking for someone who can accept that and love it (that battered, stormy shore).  But, superficially, I’m in pretty much a constant state of wanting to get back to the actual west coast. :P

3: If you could see just one thing in your future, what would you look at?

My first reaction is that I would like to see if I make it to 50.  Losing a parent early makes you question such things.  If I make it that far, I want to see if I’m happy.  Did I find that special beachcomber?  Have I seen more of the world?  I suppose I want to have tea and a chat with my future self.  I’ve wanted that all of my life.  The interesting thing is: from this point in my life... I dearly wish I could go back and have tea with my teenage self, too.  I want to tell that teen that it’s gonna be okay.  I wonder what 50-year-old me would have to say to me now.

4: Would you rather spend the rest of your life regretting something you did or regretting that you didn’t do it?

I would rather regret what I did.  There are so many chances I’ve frittered.  I don’t like the taste of things untried.

12: What gets you through a rough day?(someone, a hobby, music,etc.)

You guys!  Being able to come here and dish.  Getting lost in your lives and our fandoms and such.  But also hanging with my besties, homemade bake-a-thons, familiar shows, playing with my cat, and long drives to nowhere. (And, on occasion, rum holidays ;))

28. If you could change yourself anyway, would you? How so?

I suppose I would make myself a little more motivated and a bit more impulsive.  I mean, I had a bit of that when I was unmedicated for bipolar, but it wasn’t in a good way! lol  I would like to be a little bit quicker to act on the things that I want.  I feel like I move at glacier speed compared to just about everyone.

35: Currently, are you overall happy?

You know, if you’d have asked me this 5 years ago I would have answered absolutely.  I am far-and-away happier than I ever thought I’d be.  Ten years ago I couldn’t have seen where I am now: living on my own, doing as I please, holding down a long-term steady job, driving a car I’m paying for, sharing my space with a pet, and surrounded by things that bring me joy.  And feeling loved by a found family both near and far.  But, the last couple of years have produced a new itch in me that I’ve yet to be able to scratch.  This feeling that there’s something more I need that I can’t find here.  So, yes, I am overall happy... But still yearning.  Maybe that is happiness, though?  Wouldn’t be much to live for without a little more yearning, would there?

Ask me some deep questions?

#thanks for the ask! #joi rambles #deep questions ask #draco9236

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Sheryo & The Yok 

Talented and world-traveling artist duo, Sheryo & The Yok are known for their massive murals and installations all over the world, inspired by their travels, cartoons, and psychedelic imaginations. Their passion for painting large scale murals and their vision for creating immersive art installations make them both inspirational and mind blowing to fans and artists alike. We’re excited to interview these spray painting nomads and talk about their travels, their art processes, and their upcoming projects which include “a crocodile temple in Singapore” and “a bat house/shack under a bridge in Berlin.”

Photographs courtesy of the artist | Top photograph by Rainer Christian Kurzeder

introduce yourself  Yok:  Im from Perth, Western Australia, One of the most isolated cities, surrounded by desert and ocean. Currently I'm  based in Brooklyn and some times Indonesia and sometimes Thailand and sometimes Australia. We are trying to buy some jungle/beach land in seasia and make a weird sculpture park of sorts. Sheryo: I'm from Singapore, I share a work/live space with Yok in Brooklyn, New York and sometimes hang out in different parts of SEAsia living the island life drawing painting sippin on coconuts amongst palm trees watching the surf.

How did you both get into art, and at what point did you start collaborating?  Yok: I got into drawing from watching cartoons, reading mad magazine and copying skate logos, Jim Phillips, Pushead, Marc McKee's, Guy Mariano  Accidental Gun Death graphic had a huge impact on me.  As did early Blind decks, alien workshop, Girl art dump. The Gonz! Sheryo: I've always Been drawing but it wasn't until I moved to Cambodia that I really thought about pursuing art full time. I met yok and we painted our first wall together almost straight away and shared similar influences. I got into drawing from watching a ton of cartoons all day everyday. Growing up i was into Reg Mombassa, Ren and Stimpy, Garfield. I still love watching cartoons now.

What are your individual art processes like? How have your processes evolved or changed?  Draw every day. Our process evolves constantly when we are on the road depending on what materials we can get our hands on, which is also why we tend to keep our color palette to red white black and gold.  You can generally always find a black white and red in a dirty hardware store in a remote part of Vietnam.We also try to draw everyday wherever we are. We try to keep a sort of visual diary of whats going on.

What are some handy materials you always take along with you? India ink, some brushes, black pens, adapter spray caps, portable speaker, a few words of the local launguage. This works wonders for getting walls or getting out of trouble.

What’s your approach to murals and larger works? What was the last one you finished up? The last wall we painted was a rooftop on brooklyn, we've been painting a lot more spontaneously  with friends. The weather's finally warmed up in brooklyn so Night rides, weekend sprays and beers on the roof is the way to go. We've been building installations lately based on all the shacks we've seen on our travels in se Asia. Recently we built  a Ping Pong Auto Shack in Detroit with 1x Run, a big furry psychedelic gargoyle head in Germany and also a Lion house in Singapore for Singapore art week.

What’s been your favorite installation or sculpture that you’ve created? We love the "Ping Pong Auto Shack" and the "gargoyle head" the best. The ping Pong Auto Shack was a fun one it was a Detroit inspired car garage meets Indonesian warung/shack, with a huge tigers head that you can walk trough.. We turned the inside into a tattoo shop with neon devils and sexy ladies, we lined the walls with flash sheets and Sheryo made a bunch of tattoo's, good times!  IF you didn't want a tattoo we served jungle juice rum drinks out of the bar that we made at the tail end of the Tiger.

In the past, you’ve collaborated with Vans!  What’s your ultimate dream collaboration project? We want to build a skateable sculpture/installation badly, as well as a greenhouse filled with plants and our wooden sculptures. Imagine a snake run but it's a wild triple headed cobra. Excellent.

You really have traveled so much and around the world.  What has that experience been like and where are you headed to next?   Last year was great! We got to see and experience alot of  hard to get to, small towns in Vietnam, Cambodia, and Indonesia.  Next is Shanghai, Colorado,Florida then Perth.

Where has been your favorite place that you’ve visited?  What was the coolest thing you’ve seen in your travels? One of the recent favorites was a trip to Ethiopia to teach art at a school for impoverished kids, we painted the outside of the classroom and hung out it was great. We were also invited to paint Ethiopia's first skatepark, The kids had only had the park a few weeks, and for some only been riding a skateboard for the same amount of time and they were shredding it.

Much like how Vans aren’t just one thing, what other things are you guys into or do, when you’re not making art? Yok's a surfdog. Shezzy's a lay-in-the-beanbag-sipping-pinacoladas-and-coconuts-at-the-beach-all-day-nerd.

Who are some of your favorite artists, past and contemporary? woah too many to list! i have new ones everyday. I really love to see the grafitti in the cities towns and villages on the road, in places in Asia where they are not really exposed to that kind of thing, so the results are usually fresh.

Favorite Vans? Old skools!!!!!

What personally do you guys look for in or like in art? What’s your taste like?  Wavyness, good line work, original idea's and subject matter.

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist? SHeryo:I'd probably be selling coconuts with secret shots of rum in a shack I built by the beach. Ill catch some fish and grill them for dinner and share it with my friends. I'll have a sick collection of machetes with super cool painted handles.  Yok: I would be there also on the hammock eating that grilled fish. Sheryo: maybe i will feed u that grilled feed with my hands.

What has been your favorite thing so far this year? What do you have coming up for the rest of 2017? We are building a crocodile temple in Singapore next and a bat house/shack under a bridge in Berlin . I'm really looking forward to the 2 projects and hope to make them as rad as possible.

Whose someone you’d like to see on our Art School Q&A next? Mark Mulroney, Ryan Travis Christian, The Gonz!Palladingdong, Benjamin Rawson, Clay Hickson!

Follow Sheryo & The Yok Instagram: @_sheryo Website: www.yokandsheryo.com  Facebook: @Sheryo

#Art #Vans art #sheryo & the yok #art school #interview #vans girls #creativity

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

The NHRA already knows

I won't pay for any of the care of upkeep of them getting off cocaine, meth, THC, alcohol, etc

I didnt get them on any substance to abuse so I'm not going to pay financially for them to get off.

NHRA knew they were on and allowed it So they will pay the bill to get them clean, that's how that goes.

I will support and give directions and they're fully compliant and they are the ones that said to implement the drug testing. It was emailed to them before i posted it.

So I support them in supporting the sport being clean.

So yes ill admit they were my directions i gave 7 years ago for all my businesses. And i or my team made special modifications for ones such as the NHRA. For when drug issues become public or privately it is discussed they became clean.

Queen Elizabeth II says she told them at least 17 times in the last 4 years. Which is why i have the rule to go public and "shame" and endanger the business. But shes too warm hearted. And she wouldn't. She told them to calm down. Slow down and stop. Modify their judgements.

And obviously -.- they wanted an American Queen how rude.

Someone says "a lot quit cold turkey but obviously they started again. Queen Elizabeth II scared the life out of them. And got the heebie jeebies. But this time it will stick cause we know how to now"

Alex laughs "they did they all got scared shitless. I didn't i just kept doing it. But now i will stop because im an ass hole and now i know why. Its because cocaine"

Replacement works best. Saying its gross can but as adults no... Its harder unless you magic it into the brain. I asked tree to magic a little in The brain and i would try it and see if it was gross. It was only gross if he tinkled magic for the babies for it to be gross. If it was for me then no, I'd drink it all. But if i said make it gross for me for the babies then it mattered to me and it would be gross and I'd drink 1/3. Before it became where i could talk myself out of it. And make myself believe it was gross.

But replacement. "No I can't have beer but I can have fake rum decaf coffee" its like I get something better and sweeter and safer and good.

So it's a natural feel good and an actual decision making.

Tell yourself no but treat yourself.

Alex calls it a distraction. Distract yourself for it.

But if yoh treat yourself harsh... Punish yourself. Then it's easier... For me. Thats why i don't like anyone else monitoring me.

So I don't take away my replacements. I increase them.

But I can't go buy clothes or eat Chinese for a week. If i don't do something like smoke or so on. So then after a week... If i really wanted to crave and I didn't push it away and let it linger. I let the craving sit on me. I decided I didn't deserve it. So i would have to wait 3 more days. Then those 3 days would be good So i wait the rest of the week and so i waited 2 weeks. So i know I really deserved something nice for myself.

That is why people don't get in my face.

I make sure im good and respectful and self disciplined.

So increasing the replacements it squealches the cravings. But me i saw the replacements as a crutch or a weakness. And i didn't want now. But my soulmate explained "sometimes you need one, say your leg was broken. Wouldn't you need a crutch? Or you would cause yourself pain" so he would ask me to do it because he said i was too mean to myself. He didn't like it. He didn't see the point to replace then stop the replacement.

If you stop the replacement then you need to use a replacement for that. Because i was trying to Quit smoking and I was eating pudding. So he made sense.

Cause pudding isn't that bad. And i would drink water with it.

But real coconut is better.

So Alex has always chewed gum. So i told him in 2008 to change his flavor. Because that way it would wire his brain to understand that a change was happening in his life and so he needed to tell his body that his soul had decided to make drastic changes. So he used Dentyne and so i told him get Wrigley and get juicy fruit and big red and i liked spearmint so he got that and So he chewed all these different flavors he wasn't used to. Sometimes mixing all 3.

We didn't know if it made a diffierence but his cravings did go down that week without him trying anything different. 4.29 to 3.83 ounces.

Although tree tells our dumb minds it did. Otherwise it would went down only .12 instead of .41

So If you don't chew gum, start. Then change the flavors weekly and it will help immensely and you won't gain wait and drink water and stay hydrated says the Magic Tree of Knowledge.

*NHRA did send Alex to rehab and he got kicked out. Hes been kicked out of 26 rehab facilities including the one i went to. And went to 29. 1 worked because it was with me. 2 others Because he was gonna get fired.

It made me really sad because he kept going back. But she did a vote and one person felt it was not a good to have access to someone that has access to drugs in rehab

I said it was reality. How could we trust them at home if they were only staying clean for random piss tests and to please Some lady that they would no longer see in a few months? If they couldn't handle it in rehab then they couldn't handle it ever.

So she allowed Alex to stay in rehab. It was out patient. But guess who Alex got high? Then guess who told on Alex? And guess how Alex got kicked out again?

I said "well you have to kick them both out if you're gonna kick out one" she did.

And Alex kept going. But he did start passing his drug tests. So she was happy.

Plus that guy was scary.

All of my tests were clean but trace. And i smoked pot with my brother cousin but i said we were locked in a car and maybe I didn't smoke But got second hand high. And so she nodded me by. I did smoke and i didn't lie.

If you smoke in a car and someone else does too and your test hits positive just say I was with so and so in the car and they were smoking and its not a lie and no one argues. BUT it has to be like very little. Not like a 7 day binge of heavy use. I had smoked 3 bowls in 2 weeks and had one bowl i shared 4 days before.

But mine was marijuana and we had 3 dirty tests we could have

Alex had 19 for cocaine and 17 of those included PCP and 1 for just marijuana.

It was fall/winter of the year 2000.

It was a 12 week rehab. 3x a week.

He had 24 clean tests.

Because he said the rehab lady was pissing him off and he wanted to get clean but would I smoke weed with him. I told him 1 time Because I was smoking it any way and i was only smoking it cause she was gonna kick him out so i was doing it to destroy her mind and faith in her skill to help people. (Which i confessed and told her because she let Alex stay) because all my tests had been clean.

But she thrawted me and didn't have me test that whole week!!!÷!

Of course she would wait till i smoked with Alex for the first time to test me.

***she would test him If he went to the bathroom alone... Because he would shoot up in the bathroom. She wanted to know how he looked so flush but his test hadn't changed so he said "i go pee like you asked and then use the bathroom for what I went for" so she started waiting 20 minutes then sending him back and he would repeat. One time he had to go to the hospital. Cause he went 4 times. He was dead and they pronounced him and when they wheeled him past me i touched his shoulder and left my hand there so when it reached his hand he grabbed mine. So then i had to go with him. Because overdosed so much he actually stopped my heart. Because I take tell excess he does. But obviously were fine and alive.

**although I didn't die until he came back to life. He missed 2 meetings i missed 4.

[mrsvioletrebellious-blog]

Nearly 30 being flirty

Ahhhhh soooo I had a fuckin party didn’t I.. So nervous man and I don’t even get nervous I was smashed out the tits before I even left work.. Got back there the people had arrived and even in my drunken drunken joys, emotional cunty self Im a self confessed people watcher… Do you remember Dave I’ve spoke about him lots over my blogs has the girlfriend bangs the other one on the sly occasionally bit of a dog.. Lovely like a little bull pup but a fucking dog all the same lol.. Well Mr I’m so happy n settled was putting it on someone to the left of me.. I like this girl alot and the girl he’s with and the girl he garlic breaded.. I had to say no sonn..nooooo not this one n all.. Why do men put you in such a situ do they forget we have a fuckin woman code… And then the sad thing is some of em do such a number on the woman you could tell her he just tried to suck your clit like a Chuppa chup lolly.. And she’d let him worm his way out . That when ya have to say naaa sister I’m out 👐 Another friend of mine god love her is knee deep in a Geezer right now and how can I put it mildly Hes bit vanilla and not that she’s rum n raisin but shed appreciate a little napoleon if you get my drift.. But she likes him knows he’s abit of a boy so is allowing it for now… A girl turned up that shagged my mates man many moons ago.. In my drunken state she was told you have two minutes to leave before you die 😂😂😂 Now don’t get me wrong in all this I’m busting about with feet full of glass mascara round me face dropping people out…my mate marley been with her bloke Liam for years now decided she’s traiding him in for a big daddy … One friend of mine has a lovely Geezer chasing her but she’s so fucked up from Fuck boys she is pushing him away…Another two people I’m close to have met both got issues live in different towns have probably out shit aside but the world is against em right now.. This bloke del been wanting to smash this girl for ages finally got round her gaff and it a went Pete tong n she told him to fucking get out n he happily left cause he said she was vile but hey who knows.. Life’s crazy man I see so much stuff lately relating to peoples ego like we’ve all got one like my mate lilly she’s met a bloke she really likes him known him a long time n there just passing about at min.. But it kinda started cause they didn’t want eachover and I think it damaged the old personal ego.. N now they’re doing whatever there doing and in fairness I think they’ll either constantly have an ego battle and it will go horribly wrong or they both really like eachover but because of there egos neither will say to the other one listen I want more from you.. My psycho ex got hold of me last week cause he thought I’d moved on… I love you ill do anything please please Finally admitted all his faults finally admitted to banging a fat bird whilst he was trying to woo me.. Told me how he couldn’t keep it hard enough to fuck her.. Know what that done.. Proper boosted the old ego for me didn’t it 😂😂 I told him I’d rather suck off me old man then go near him again cause that’s how much he repulses me and we both know deep down it was probably just cause his egos bruised thinking I’ve moved on. I ain’t got a man I’m just living but I hope he’s little hearts raging.. Again ego lol a friend of mine daisy started Palling with this bloke all going well he’s wooing her like a boss wooing her hardddd… Finally got down to bussiness.. She couldn’t come.. Half probably down to him half the stresses of life.. Girls gotta be chill and now it seems to me he’s throwing the towel in with a banging bird cause the old ego is dented.. It’s madness.. I wish life was simple enough for everyone around me think Fuck looking like an idiot or needy or like a hoe just be able to go bang this is what I want this is what I’m here for.. But every cunts ego just takes over.. I don’t really remember much from the party apart from a little people watch dropping a few people out having a cry and dancing like a loon and laughing alot.. I know it was the first time my parents me n my brother have been in the same room in probably 29 years and they all had a conversation like shit.. Madness for me.. I got some great presents ended up in town lost me shoes, broke my expensive watch.. woke up in a bed with a head that felt like it was full of fuckin rocks begging me mate to come pick me up n take me McDonald’s 😢😢 when they picked me the face on em told me all k needed to know about the state of me without needing a mirror anyway the maccys which took me three hours to fuckin eat cause it felt like I was chewing cardboard and every time I chewed it felt like a knife was going through my fuckin temple.. How I went all night long I don’t even know.. I think I’ve got a spy in my midst aswell the ex keels seeing pictures of me ect so I know there’s a snake in my grass I find it hilarious cause no doubt it’s a silly little bird thinking ohh he seemed a nice bloke… Yea girl ya know what he was good at.. Fucking… Fucking you like a god and fucking ya life up like a demon and that’s the be all n end all man, look up a narsacist in the dictionary that’s that cunt.. So please your welcome to him big cock n all.. But when I find out who you are snakey I’m gonna shag ya mum n cut ya ears off n not for him. Have him, just for the spy.. He had me he lost me n that’s that.. And I trying to survive ya know I don’t need that man up in my bussiness begging or up in my bussiness slagging me.. I just wanna move on n get over it. It’s hard when someone comes into yor life being everything you’ve ever wanted and then boon they’re everything you tell the world to run from.. It leaves a nasty effect. I’m a happy go lucky girl I love the world I wear my heart on my sleeve.. But trusting people 👋 you gotta take out my bricks one by one before you nessling in with me I tell ya.. But then I spose it’s men too a friend of mine a bloke was with a bed years she left him.. Fucked him uppppp to the point the man had trouble keeping his did hard n was shaking getting down to it with a bird because he’d been through it I find that so endearing tho and gives me hope for the male species cause if they get effected like that over a broken heart they can’t all be bad can they.. Talking of shit cunt men we had a boss yea for last 6 weeks at work not only did we basically run the fuckin gaff for the cunt he robbed the pub blind and took our wages with him n tried to say we was all thieves so if anyone wants to take a journey to the weather cock in Woburn n terrorise a cunt that’s welcomed 😛 but he looked like a right gentle sassy bitch.. Was so unexpected it’s unreal.. Got new bosses now jury’s still out but one of them did ask Me the other day if I’d be his daughter… Thought fuckin hell work wise that’s fabulous but personal wise I’ve always had men wanting to wife me off now they either wanna Fuck me be my best mate or have me as there daughter 😂😂😂 I don’t think 30 is gonna be good to me ya know.. Romantically anyway.. But as i said probably would help if me wall weren’t so high and I didn’t have an ego.. I refuse to look needy it’s like a life rule I’ll never beg a man never have n never chased no cunt lol.. Maybe I should start.. Just don’t tell my mum shell bite me.. She kills me was talking to a lad other day at my party my mum goes to him god you got lovely eyes ain’t ya.. You Hurt my daughter I’ll cut em out 😭😂😂😂😂😭😭 she kills me,, someone’s dad was there getting people Stoned and other things #Ledge lol anyway anyway now I’m waffling after me cardboard maccys ate cake kids came home running around like fuckin loons I’m trying to be super mum saying let’s have a lovely night well have a takeaway and chill and watch xfactor thinking please shut the Fuck up and sit quietly but not saying it obviously and these fuckers are jumping all over the gaff oblivious making me verge between puking and me head feeling like it was in a vice but ahhh as much as it kills me I can’t think of a more wonderful hangover cure… And in all that I still ain’t 30 lol its Friday so like the Queen Mother I’m having two birthdays so I’m getting ready to go again this time without a plan I’m gonna get pissed with my new crows feet.. Thinking about the wonderful life I’ve had, so far the mistakes I’ve made the lessons ive learned and how I can make the next 30 years amazing whilst being a good mum, friend, daughter. Earning money. Trying to keep fit. Look good and live a life I’d say be someone’s wife but hey they either wanna Fuck me or make me there daughter..well have this discussion at 31 yea guys 😂😂😂😂😍

[that-girl-is-a-demolition-lover]

Seeking advice for a shitty friendlationship.....

So it’s 3 in the morning and as per usual, I’m doing anything but sleeping.

I have found myself caught up in my feelings and not really sure of what to do.

Let me begin this long winded story about a boy and my stupid feelings about him and maybe someone out there in wide tumblrverse can help advise me or just tell me that I’m being a fucking moron.

First off, I’m Jazy. I’m a 22 year old lass from Indiana

I met a kid named Joshua roughly 8/9 years ago. We went to the same school and shared a mutual best friend. When we met he was just some dorky chubby kid with a weird sense of humor.

After about 2 years of pining and mutual best friend matchmaking we decided to give a relationship a go when I was roughly 15. Things were swell, because we went to the same school and had several of the same friends and as stated prior, shared the same best friend, we saw each other quite frequently. Things were really good for a couple months.Then as good things always do, came to end. I had received an IM from him asking if he could call because we needed to talk. As a child with terrible anxiety, my heart immediately sank. He called and gave me the news that he would be moving away to live with his aunt and uncle roughly 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make it back every weekend. I took this really hard. And at that juncture we decided to part ways.

After a few weeks once he was finally gone, we found ourselves still talking consistently and he eventually convinced me that we could make the long distance work(Yes, I am aware that 40 minutes away is hardly long distance but when you’re from two very poor families with limited transportation and it’s your first real love, it feels like an ocean between you) And things were okay for another few weeks before I started to get little bugs in my ears telling me that long distance was a sham and that we would never work, and let’s face it. I was very impressionable at that age. Even our mutual best friend at the time(Her names Brii, in the event I just name her without telling who she is later on.) And I promptly broke things off again.

After that there was some bad blood, his friends that were still at my school started being very nasty to me and it took a lot out of me. We didn’t see any of each other for quite some time after that. A good year or so I think. 

Fast Forward to what I believe would be October 2012. Things with Brii had been rocky(for reference they always were and would remain until the end of our friendship in Dec 2012.) We had been hanging out regularly and she had texted me and said she had a surprise and would be over soon. She showed up and Nana had let her and she came down to my room, with Joshua and in that moment my heart leapt. I haven’t seen him in ages and let’s be real. He was lookin’ damn good. We all hung out and had a good time. He was in town for a few weeks and had apparently wanted to see me. Sometime to understand about Josh is when we first knew each other was very straight edge. No drinking, or smoking. Fuck, it was hard to get that boy to say more than hell as a swear in his youth. But here he was dropping all kinds of shits and damns with the occasional fuck here and there and it was wonderful. We kept in touch here and there for a bit, but he had a girlfriend back home and I wasn’t crossing that boundary.

Between Oct. 2012 to MidSummer 2013 my life was shit show. I’d lost my best friend to her shitty controlling boyfriend. My dad had died. I wasn’t coping well with my mental illness, fighting the medication. Inevitable dropped out of high school 9 credits shy of my diploma. Total shit show. Then out of the blue in September of 2013, I start receiving messages from Josh, saying that he’s back in town for while and wanted to see me and so forth and such which, to which I would agree. We hung out a couple of times and just enjoyed each other company, reveling in our past relationship, talking of how we missed each other. That kind of thing.

He was still friends with Brii so he could go see her and her boyfriend and then visit me. Then a night or two before he was supposed to go back, he wanted to see me. It was like 10 oclock at night. I told him I was unsure but if he wanted to come over he could. He’d come over and we’d sit on the porch for a while before deciding to go for a walk. He’d be nervously fidgeting and I would pretend not to notice. we didn’t go far, just a couple of blocks to a park nearby. We sat on a hill that overlooked the football field of the school I attended elementary. When he started talking about how much he still liked me and wanted to work this thing out between us. That he would be moving back to the city soon and really wanted to be together(Inserting here, at this juncture, I was told he had been broken up with his girlfriend at home and therefore didn’t know that I was being a scuzzy human) He woo-ed me with his words and instantly I fell for it. I was ecstatic. I thought I was actually going to get him back. After a few minutes we got into a pretty heavy makeout sesh when we then tried to make a voyeur of me to which I shut down. I was not about to fuck this guy in a park in the middle of the night. So we headed back to my house hand in hand, stopping here and there for his to shove me against a tree or a bridge and kiss me hard. He left the next day and we chatted very briefly for the next two or three days, I got my nose pierced and had sent him pictures.

After a few days I get this long winded message from him talking about how he was going to get his girlfriend a promise ring and he wanted to be with her forever and talking about how much he loved her, and he thought that I deserved to be the first to know. I was gutted. absolutely fucking gutted. My heart crumbled. I voiced my outrage. My Hurt. The amount of betrayal I was feeling. He apologized once and then promptly blocked me on facebook.

I assumed that would be the complete end of the Jazy/Josh saga, but god fucking damn it if I wasn’t ridiculously fucking wrong.

Fast forward a year later. I’m out at a friends and I get a message from none other than Joshua. It’s a brief but sturdy apology and an invitation to see him and talk. I told him I didn’t trust him and that I was still angry for what he had done. He understood but insisted, said something a long the lines of that I had “scared him” that night when I was so prepared to just fully envelop myself with him. I caved and we met up, walking around a different park. He was looking good, thinner. Happier. He talked about how much he’s thought about that night over the last year and how things with that girl didn’t last long after we had spoken last. He was apparently really into drugs and drinking now, which should have been enough to frighten me off, but I was naive. I told him I forgave him and that I accepted his invitation for friendship. 

Probably two days later I get a series of messages and some phone calls from him asking me to go to a friends house with him. that’d itll be fun and he wants to make everything up to me. After several hours of convincing I decided to go to this friends house with him, only to end up being trapped over there for a series of days. His friend was big into drugs at that point, lived with his parents and his girlfriend. Josh and I would crash on the couch for 3 nights, when Josh had had too many pills or too much booze. He would always get affectionate in those hours though. Wanted to hold my hand, and play with my hair. Gave me kisses frequently. It was a heavenly feeling, even if I knew at that point that it wouldn’t last.

After that I didn’t hear from him for a few months, he chalks this up to “he loses track of time and doesn’t realize that it’s been months when he only thinks it’s only been a few days.” He would get ahold of me here and there just to chat but I don’t think I actually hung out with him again until Valentines Day 2015

My friend Lisa and I had been planning for her to come over and us to get drunk that night for atleast two weeks in advance. We were both single, full of sorrow, and just needed to be drunk. So that night Josh had gotten ahold me and asked to come over, I had agreed. And he came over, very nervous. We had chatted briefly before Lisa got there and then we sat in a coumbaya circle in the middle of my living room killing a bottle of tequila and a bottle of rum. Throughout the night he would grab my hand and whisper sweet nothings into my ears and he got hot so we had gone outside. He kept trying to saying something before inevitable vomiting all over his shirt. We went back inside, I put him to bed, put his shirt in the wash and went to check on Lisa. In between checkin on lisa and him, he kept trying to get me to come cuddle and and talking about how glad he was he got to spend time with me and whatnot. He planned on coming over and asking me to be his valentine, I guess. The next morning after his shirt was clean he skeddaddled. We had hung out another time at the same friend’s house once he got out from under his parents and he and his girlfriend had their son, we had gone over with the intent to just hang out and spend time with them which ended in us all getting drunk. Josh kept trying to be sweet and hold my hands and kiss me and I kept refusing him, when finally confronted with why, I told him because it wasn’t right anymore. It wasn’t fair for him to love me when he was fucked up. To which we went back into the living room, Josh cuddled a bottle of vodka, cried for ten minutes and then passed out.

Didn’t much from him until late that year, I had my own place, my pregnant sister was living with me. I had heard from him here and there. Halloween of that year I got a call that he was in the hospital, he had had a really bad blood clot from his leg move and shut down his lungs. They found out he had Factor 5(genetic Blood clotting disorder which earlier in the year had claimed his mom) I visited him in the hospital and tried to keep in contact with him after that to little avail. He would come by a few weeks later and crash in my bed. And then he kept crashing in my bed. Then he started bringing clothes and his playstation over and that was okay, he was a good cuddler and I loved spending the time with him. He wasn’t taking care of himself like he shoul’ve, not taking his medications, drinking and doing other shit all the time, it was nerve wracking for me. Shortly after Christmas he had come by and taken all his things and left. I tried more than once to get ahold of him looking for some kind of explanation and got nothing. I ran into him in April of 2016 and we got coffee and talked some more. He had put a little weight back on and looked like he was doing good. He would come over to meet my sisters baby. And then would come by quite frequently for about two weeks before I finally told him if he just wanted to stay there he could. I didn’t mind. I loved having him around. Loved it. He would go to work, I would go to work. we’d come home to each other and just cuddle and watch movies. It was never a sex thing, I feel like I need to clarify that because so many think that’s what it was. And it wasn’t He would get drunk from time to time and want to fool around and of course, I’d shut him down.

We would go on drives and I would try to put into words the way he made me feel. To be fair, we weren’t dating. He nowadays, “thinks they’re a dumb waste of time” He would come home every now and again and talk about the girl he fucked, and I’d pretend I wasn’t hurt by this. As the time went on, things got complicated, my sister ended up leaving, I ended up losing my really good job, and we were being evicted. I broke this to him and he took it very personally, mind you he had never paid for anything living with me. Never even offered to. So he got really angry. I remember one of the last drives we went on before I left, we started to get into an argument and I yelled that I wished I could do anything besides love him, because it was nothing but misery. His response was something along the lines of “don’t love me, I’m barely even human”. The last week was nothing but fights. Lots of yelling. Lots of me crying. And the last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to talk to him again. In July of 2016, I moved 2 hours north to live up by my mother and try to start over. All contact with Joshua ceased.

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t the occasional I got too drunk and tried calling him but never got an answer, because that’s true. In that spanse, I tried dating this cool guy names James. He was sweet and kind of dim, but he was good to me. And even when we first met and he knew I was healing from Josh, he knew that competing with Josh in my heart wasn’t a contest. Yet he still tried to love me. Obviously it didn’t work out, we’re still friends and I know I was unfair to him.

Okay, present time, almost. A month ago I get a phone call from him. I reluctantly answer, I mean, it’s Josh I have to right? He proceeds to go on about how he stalked my instagram and saw I was back in the city and was offended that he hadnt heard from me. And I told him its probably because I said i never wanted to see him again. Either way, he wanted to hang out. So we went for a walk on the canal, he came over. We made food. Then we went for a walk around the circle. We stopped and sat down and he started getting really up in his feelings and started crying. actually started crying and apologizing. I guess while I was gone he had started seeing a girl. It’d been brief but he really cared about her, and she broke his heart. He kept asking if thats how I felt everytime he left. And if it was, why did I keep letting him come back? I didn’t have an answer. We left it at that and parted ways for the night. Much to my surprise when he showed up at my door the next night. We hung out jsut about every day for 2 weeks. Then after that it was always he needed to go somewhere or I had to pick him up somewhere, so the next time he was at my house my roommate had no qualms telling him that I wasn’t a fucking taxi service. He took this offensively and insisted he didn’t think I was such. We’ve hung out here and there since then, never talking about things until the other night we were out driving and I noticed he was being overly flirtatious. More so than just Josh being an ass, flirty. When i confronted it, he asked why we’d never slept together and I told him I don’t sleep with people I don’t date. Which is true, I personally think of it as a special thing and therefore am not promiscuous. He then went on a tangent about how it would happen one day that the tension has been building for years, that he’d “trick me” one day, and he laughed as he said this. I didn’t get it until he said he knew my conditions. At that moment, I saw red and just yelled, “I hope you don’t think that’d I’d be stupid enough to accept a dating advance from you only for you to fuck me then break up with me.” He just kept laughing and agreed. At which point I had to pull the car over. My face was hot and I was shaking, so i got out of the car and walked for ten minutes. I came back and he acted like it never happened. Has only even mentioned it once since then when he was drunk and we were at a friends house. 

I just don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. Am I stupid for sticking around through all of this? Should I tell him to go fuck himself and to leave me alone for the rest of our lives? Has anyone else ever dealt with something/someone like this? How did you cope? What did you do?

#relationships #advice #seeking advice #help #what do i do #am i terrible #how do you cope #friendship turned relationship turned back to friendship #friendlationship #dumb boy #dumb girl #can i be anymore obvious #sad #i am a sad trash panda