#im not finishing this when i cant even remember doing it

[onmyknees4loak]

Teach me

Lo'ak x Reader

Warnings: (Lowkey stalker and sub lo'ak) Synopsis : (Lo'ak cant seem to take his eyes off of the girl who teaches his nephew.)

Playlist I listened to while making this

Reader's POV

"Good job muffin!!" Pxe'pe one of my youngest students finally gets her threading right. She runs off to show her mother.

I'm what Jake calls a babysitter but I like to think of myself as a teacher I mean that is what I do, people leave there kids with me while they attend to there duties and I teach them things like threading, scavenging, and even healing.

"miss miss miss" i hear a small voice from behind me and feel small hands on my leg, i turn around to be met with Kame'xar, one of my little ones.

"yes what do you need sweetie" i crouch down to be at his level

"i cut my finger" a little sob comes out as he holds his hand up, i see a small bright red cut nothing to serious but still it must hurt.

"oh no sweetie come on lets go fix that up for you" i extend my arms and pick him up, i start heading to the healing tent. i look down at his finger and as im looking away from in front of me i bump into a tall stiff figure. "Oh my eywa! I am so sorry" the figure turns around, i began to panic even more. The figure is Kame'xar's uncle.

"oh my goodness Lo'ak I apologize" i say hoping he wont notice the cut on his nephew's hand.

"oh no worries ...." he pauses trying to remember my name.

"y/n my name is y/n" i tell him.

"y/n... That's a beautiful name....Oh my god Kame'xar i didn't even notice you what's up bro, have you been crying what happened?"

He looks at me wondering what happened to his nephew,

"he cut his finger we were on the way to the healing tent to fix him up."

"oh well please let me walk you there its the least i can do" Lo'ak insists.

"I mean it is only right there but sure" we began walking to the tent which is already in sight.

Once we walk into the tent i set Kame'xar down on the floor and lower to my knees to grab the healing paste. I take his hand and gently rub the paste over his cut.

Kame'xar giggles "its c-cold!" he says in a fit of giggles.

"it is isn't it" i say laughing with him.

I can feel Lo'aks watching my every move. I stand up and turn around to Lo'ak.

"Well i should be getting Kame'xar back now." I feel Kame'xar put his now healed hand in mine and start pulling me to the opening of the tent.

"Thank you y/n, bye Kame'xar ill see you at dinner" lo'ak says waiting for us to leave.

"Bye" me and Kame'xar say at the same time.

As were walking I can't help but to keep thinking about Lo'ak everyone says he,s a bad influence and all he does is get in trouble but he seems so sweet and caring- ok y/n snap out of it he didn't even know your name and you got more important things to worry about.

Lo'ak's POV

'y/n.....y/n how have i never seen her around surly i would have noticed someone that beautiful. She's so different there's just something soothing and pleasant about her.

I walk out of the healing tent and start heading to our family tent,

Oh eywa i can't get that beautiful women out of my head. I need to see her again. I change my direction and start heading to where i know neteyam drops Kame'xar off every day. As i get closer i can hear the sound of children laughing getting louder, shes so good with kids. I hope to make her laugh like that one day.

I see my girl with kids running around her, there playing a game. I keep my distance and sit on a log where others are sitting and eating fruit.

I just sit there and watch her teach and play with the kids for hours. I turn away any time she looks in my direction hoping she doesn't realize that ive been sitting here for hours.

She would never want a guy like me an outcast.

Reader's POV

I finish putting up all the kids threading projects keeping them safe for tomorrow.

"Good Bye Vaylen! I'll see you tomorrow" now all the kids have gone home for the night, and i can start heading home. i turn around to start walking in the direction of my tent when i see Lo'ak sitting looking at me when he realizes I'm looking at him he turns his head the other way. Now that i think about it he has been sitting there since i got back from the healing tent.

'Should i go talk to him?' i ask myself 'I should.'

I start walking over to him with a smile on my face, he notices me coming over and i can see his body tense up.

"Hey Lo'ak what are you doing here?" i come to a stop in front of him.

"Oh i w-was ju-just uh chillin yk" he stutters over his words.

'my god, he's so cute, i want him stuttering over his words while i ride him' omg! what the fuck is wrong with me why would i think that.

I think he could tell i just got surprised with myself.

'y/n? Are you okay?" he asks as he stands up getting closer to me.

I can feel the tension in the air as his face is suddenly a few inches from mine.

"Yeah im good" i see his eyes move down to my lips as he licks his own.

He leans in intel our lips meet and he begins kissing me, i kiss back and start getting a little more aggressive i bring my hand to the back of his head and put my fingers through his hair lightly pulling.

"mMm" Lo'ak lets out a whimper/moan.

I pull away and bring my hand down " i cant do this Lo'ak im sorry" i look down to my feet.

"Why not baby?" he asks pushing hair behind my ear.

"What would people think if they found out, im not trying to be mean but your kinda know as a bad boy yk, and i dont want people to not trust me with there kids im sorry"

I turn around to leave and i feel him grab my hand and pull me back.

"Then Teach me, teach me how to be a good boy"

#Spotify #loak x reader #lo'ak avatar #lo'ak fluff #lo'ak smut #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #lo'ak sully #lo'ak x reader #lo'ak x tsireya #kiri #atwow #avatar the way of water #spider #fanart #x reader #sub lo'ak

[questionablealibi]

//Teaser hehe ^^ no tw!//

Ooooo new new new content gameplay! What's in store for our protagonist this fine October, hm?

#Remember when i said “fully colored” or something along those lines #Yeah no i cant :'D #This is the best I can do 😭 #Want to finish this ASAP before exam AND before the month ends #Or maybe until first week of november #Not only that but things have been going on recently and i want it and everyone to calm down and gain bearings before i ah #Put this all out hehe #Please please please despite the fact that im not very frequent #You guys have been such a big inspiration and spirit-lifter (or something ^^;) #I love you guys so much /p /vvvvvvvgen #Things may not be in our control but in the end #At the end of the day #Its still you <3 #Still us even #if you prefer that ^^ #Its been a while since ive been in such an interactive loving and caring community #You lot have made me feel so at home ^^ hugs kisses and words of gratitude and affection all around! #Whichever of those youre comfortable with #Take care <3 #Alibi! #the stanley parable #tspud #tsp #tsp stanley #tspud stanley #art wip #wip #work in progress #wip stuff

[daydadahlias]

Made in Magnolia

this is my favorite thing ive ever made. and i hope u enjoy it <3 special thank u to Ashley ( @diamondpuddles​​ ) for basically being my co-author

Summary: There’s that feeling again. The warmth and the electricity that travels between them which lacks nerves or pretenses or any semblance of who they have been in the past. Calum isn’t the same guy who usually gets fucked and kicked out when he gets invited to stay the night. Ashton isn’t the same guy who got married at twenty in Mississippi. They’re new when they’re together.

Word Count: 220,470

Pairing: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin

Rating: E

Content Warning: religious trauma & homophobia

Read on AO3

#so ok #i started this fic in uhhhh i dont remember #sometime last year #and im about 70k into it rn #she's a thickie. #the outline is entirely finished #im finishing this fic. there's not even a remote fear of that #but that being said im not posting it on a schedule #im posting this first chapter as like a little teaser #and then when i finish this chapter im currently working on and the next #i'll start doing my lil weekly posts #but... you guys just cant imagine the pain of sitting on 70k yknow #it's driving me insane #i *have* to post some of it #i just have to or i'll explode #so. #ur getting a bit of it #<3 #bc i have no self restraint #ive just missed writing LONG fics so much and this baby is a THICKIE!!! she's going to be longer than scene 14 <3 #so im just soo #yeah #really happy to be writing it #really happy to be sharing any of it #lapis #eek ok #:) #i mean the poll said post the first chapter and who am i to deny the poll #thank u for indulging me poll takers

[dazais-crab-addiction]

Guys guys guess what!!! I'm still struggling with health issues and writing takes a lot of effort I just don't have the energy for. But some friends decided it could be fun to do a little fanfic/fanart collab. And it's just a silly casual thing so its okay that it will take me a really long time. So im gonna be working on an enby Dazai fic that will get fanart with it!!!! I'm really excited. I hope it turns out good. This will be the first project I'm working on since I went of hiatus and im worried it will escalate my issues again but im going to try anyways. Wish me luck!!!!

#crab says words #crab writes fics #anyone that remembers that post i made back in January about enby Dazai..... thats basically what the fic will be about :D #im so hyped because so many people have expressed excitement over it now #even if it takes me a super long time to be able to finish it since its a casual thing with friends i know they wont be upset with me #i dont participate in events because people get irritated when i cant go fast enough aha #anyways yeah i just wanted to share #friendly reminder that even tho im talking about it now it does usually take me several months to write a short oneshot so it will be awhile #i hope my health issues dont make it take a lot of extra time because i will feel so bad haha 😅 #if i manage to do this without a bunch of issues then i will end my hiatus and continue working on the soukoku fic :) #we shall see #i hope it all works out!!

[todayisafridaynight]

At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in

i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment

#infinite wealth spoilers #snap chats #what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO #i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed #i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was #like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting #esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english #typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others #im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily #it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO #maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in #like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok #thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE #POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time #but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter #like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts) #its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0.. #BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time #i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game #and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that #if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point

[theygender]

I need to finish my tasks so I can be done with work for the day but I'm just starting back up on my meds after being off of them for a while bc I was sick and taking medicine that would have had a bad interaction with them and now my brain is not working. I couldn't remember if this specific medication had any negative effects starting up but apparently it does and that negative effect is "reduces brain processing power to 1 KB"

#why do depression meds that actually work give me such a shitty time when i first start on them #my first depression meds (lexapro) didnt actually do anything for me but stop me from having nightmares #my second depression meds (paxil) made me have frequent panic attacks for like the first two weeks #my third depression meds (mirtazapine) made me extremely irritable for the first few weeks (this was worse than the panic attacks imo) #and now with this one (buproprion) i couldnt remember if there were any negative reactions when i first started on them #but apparently thats bc the negative reactions in question are 'cant fucking rember' #like its a fucking struggle to even remember what im doing from one moment to the next tbh #and im making so. many mistakes. and im trying to doublecheck my work to catch any mistakes but im doublechecking it with the Same Brain #like. the brain that is actively not working. that one #i need to write a thing and its due todayyyy so i really need to finish it before i can leave but my brain is disconnected from the server! #and i dont know what to do about that :( #rambling

[sonknuxadow]

overall i think movie sonic being redesigned was a good decision but sometimes i wish they had never done it with how annoying people are about it with the constant spread of misinformation about how/why it happened + this attitude people have gotten from it thinking they can get anything they don't like in a movie or show or game changed if they complain on twitter enough regardless of what exactly they're wanting changed or how close the release date is or what company is making it or whatever

#so many people who do not have the power to change whatever youre mad about #have been harassed in the name of bullying them into fixing it like we did with sonic. like what the hell #remember when people decided sonic frontiers was bad very early on and were harassing people who worked on it or were excited for if #and were like ''well it worked with the sonic movie so its ok !!!''. what is wrong with you people #also people saying it over things that just cant be changed #i remember like 3 or 4 months before the live action monster high movie came out people were making the sonic joke for the millionth time #even though filming had already been finished and a lot of progress was made on editing too #and the things theu were wanting changed would require restarting the whole thing #even though it had a set release date of october and they definitely wouldnt meet that deadline if they redid the entire movie #its not the same!!!! not everything can be a sonic movie situation!!!! #dont even get me started on people just lying about the whole thing being a marketing stunt #and im not saying dont criticize movies ever just stop pretending everything can be a sonic movie situation

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[localdorkincombatboots]

Losing a family member or a partner is already literally one of the worst parts of life we have to go through but being the person(s) that have to also handle all of the legal, formal, and financial parts of it makes it so much fucking worse like rubbing salt in a wound.

Like here I know you're devastated and grieving but also you need to fill out assloads of paperwork and get things set up immediately and figure out how to pay at the very cheapest $1k for a cremation without even being able to give the person you loved a proper funeral because it costs thousands of dollars more, and having to call Medicare and all the other govt. places to report her death and so fucking much that has to be handled.

Honestly everyone needs to find a way to teach themself at least the basics of everything that has to be handled after death because your family or partner could be perfectly fine one day and then all of a sudden an accident happens like a fall or wreck and it could all fall on you to handle every single thing.

And not a single part of the process is easy which only makes what is already one of the hardest things to go through in life exponentially worse.

And, death is so extremely expensive. Literally the cheapest possible cremation we can find is $995 and that's no funeral or anything just straight to ashes in a box.

You don't want to be struck with such a tragedy and have zero knowledge of what will become your responsibility to handle and pay for.

I know it's awful to even think about your loved ones dying but not knowing what to do when it happens, because death is the one thing that happens to us all and it can happen at literally any time, will only make everything worse and harder for you.

If you know you will be responsible for handling someone's affairs after death, take the time to actually sit down and discuss how they would want you to handle it and seriously consider looking into some kind of life insurance, even if it's not for much, because creation and funeral services require payment upfront and this isn't something that can be put off until you can afford it. Wether or not they had a life insurance policy could be the thing that could completely fuck you financially especially if you were already struggling.

#death #dying #i dont know what we're gonna do im gonna have to make another post asking for help because we absolutely do not have $1000 #but it needs to be paid #im trying so fucking hard to keep myself going but this is all literally just the fucking worst #its been 29 and a half hours since she fell. 30 hours ago everything was fine and normal and we were just eating dinner like any other night #she didnt even get to have her dessert which i was literally finishing up making for her when it happened #i ran to her as fast as i could and i called for help and i tried me best to help and stop the bleeding but she hit her head too bad and #there isnt a single thing the drs can do except keep her as comfortable as they can until her heart stops #as she lays there twitching #no im not okay #i know there isnt anything different i couldve done that wouldve saved her but god damnit its all just fucking horrible #its been just over a full day since it happened and i still almost cant believe it fucking happened #it hurt so bad when i first got up and remembered i dont have to make her breakfast today #it hurt every single time i walked by or glaced at her bedroom door #or realized it was just a bit too quiet in the house cause her tv isnt playing the gameshows she loved to watch #or didnt have to make her a plate for dinner or bring her any dessert #jaye shut up

[scattered-winter]

.

#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week #but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go #and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man. #i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr. #im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again #and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester #im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october #and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that. #nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better. #my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this. #he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time #and man. idk. #really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr. #winter speaks #personal #and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits #and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[tortademaracuya]

.

#idk why i thought it would be different this time #im an absolute idiot. im too fucking stupid to comprend all this shit #'maybe my professors will know how to help me' they never tell me shit. they havent helped me at all. i feel so stupid every correction #no matter how much i read or what i watch its like i cant understand anything #i used to love programming!!! i used to actually know what i was doing!!!!! when did i become so stupid!!!! #should i aak for help from someone else? probably! but i dont want them to know how much of an idiot i am #just kidding. i know all my friends know how stupid i am. doesnt mean i dont want them to give them even more proof of that #nor bother them either tbh. why should they have to waste time because im a fucking idiot? #im. such a disappointment #i dont want to do this anymore #every monday is just me going to that stupid class and see how dumb i am compared to everyone else. so pathetic #how did i even manage to pass all my classes? how do i only have my thesis left? #part of me wants to abandon everything but what would i do then? look for a job? #im an idiot and a horrible artist where the hell would i get a job? not like finishing my thesis would change that but. yknow #im so scared. for real how did it end up like this? #everyday i feel more stupid. i remember less. my body hurts a little more each day for reasons unknown #i dont understand how others have any expectation of me #i cant talk to others because everytime i have tried to express any worry i instantly get a joke or mock in reply #im so tired of everything #haunted.txt

[mrfoox]

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

#miranda talking shit #Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ... #I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown #Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao #25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol) #And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental #Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is #Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if #My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100 #And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...) #Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first #Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember #Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was #That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you #Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when #It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me #Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others #Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ? #Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse #Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop #Negative

[bibleofficial]

after basking in the glow of my pettiness - writing on the mirror ‘would an adult leave their nail clippings on the shared vanity’ 4 my brother - karma got me, bc i accidentally knocked a fucking cactus onto my bed

#stream #i’m #u know what i was fucking right i don’t care #i knocked it at 1.06a & it is now 1.43a literally im using a folded towel as a pillow ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLA like #now i’ve got to do SO much laundry & fucking vacuum i’m going to end it all #BUT OH MY GOD ???? MY BROTHER IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS UR ALMOST 24 HOW DID U NOT FUCKING CLEAN UP UR NAIL CLIPPINGS #JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ????? WHAT IS WRONG W U !!! HE CANT EVEN FUCKING CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL WHEN HE FINISHES IT OH MY GOD !!!!!!! #like ‘why doesn’t he have a girlfriend’ mum look at this #U LOOK AT THIS #this is what u got #bc i’m going to kill myself #i want to smoke soooooooo bad but it’s ok bc i’ve chugged a glass of wine & then remembered i can get high & now i’m chillin #1.47a & livin the dream #if i start looking at myself & my surroundings i will have a breakdown #like omg at the fucking meeting on friday we had coworkers that graduated come back for what reason idk it was nice to see them but they’re #like ‘if u want. a gap year or 2 before grad school go ahead like u should do that’ & im like mama … #i’ve been in school for like 6.5-7 years …. like + minimester + summer courses 😭😭 like break ? #if i took a break i literally would not go back to school #like ALSKALKSLAKSLAKALA #& i need to fucking apply to grad schools still FOR THIS FUCKING FALL #like y’all …. #i’m going to KERMIT #like i- #i’m also just toyin in my head like #y’all what if i just fucking go to japan #like #it’s so unhinged like do u speak japanese ? no i fuckign do not but i DO know that u can get languages courses (intensive) for good prices #so i know i could learn japanese #like bro #why not

[lyriumsings]

turns out going out and doing things is good for you vs staying inside for weeks at a time lol but sadly leaving the house cuts into drawing im trying to make up for it by watching studies and collecting comm refs

#this is the most i’ve gone out in a very long time #and i made some extra money doing favors for my family so i have plenty to get a new pen now and then some #so i treated myself to some books and even read one #i cant remember the last time i finished a book lol #lyriumsings txt #but i also feel guilty cuz i still have two comms left and anytime i spend not doing schoolwork or comms feels bad #even though i know it’s good for me #and realistically i know i did a lot of comms like 11 or so since july last year #and an art trade and gifts in between #and my commissioners are the sweetest bestest mutuals on earth #so they haven’t pressured me #but i feel so guilty when i’m not working ngl #which the anxiety is ofc bad for making good art #and then my brothers birthday is coming up and everyone wants to go to the state fair #im so neurotic it’s painful #this is why being awake at 4am is bad im going to sleep now

[totallyblooktacular]

Heh, thank the old Spider Riders blog for that haha. Not a lot of folks remember the, even up here in Canada, where we dubbed it and aired it constantly; though everyone remembers the old game, which people are trying to revive. I've been revamping my own fic on AO3 for a while now, and I think I'm the only person currently writing new content for the show both there and on FFNet lol.

some of this feels a little vague so im worried im not thinking of the same things youre actually referencing, but i still definitely agree.

its a shame not very many people made their own dedicated blogs for it here (i only know like 2 ?) but theyre definitely very helpful for general access to content (official and otherwise), especially when pretty much anything of substance about it is so obscure, so i would say i do owe a lot to at least the one that was kept up here until.. i think just right after i started getting more into it myself, coincidentally enough lol

nice to be able to hear from a fic writer too though!! and that ur still kicking, as well. i havent read a majority of the ones out there, but i’ve been trying to stay pretty on top of some more recent ones being updated, so i think ive been reading it too, good job there!

#asks #by vague i just mean like. am i thinking of the same blog? the same fic? who knows!! but im like 90% theres really only like 1 option #for each anyways so im hoping ive got it right.. #always stuck in a difficult spot where SR is one of the few series im like really interested in being able to read fanfic for #but usually when i look at them i just cant get into their premises so i still dont engage with it much #theres 2 on ffn im up to date on though and then 1 thats also on ao3 which i assume is urs #and it is really good it feels pretty grounded and ive been excited to see where itll be going next #so good luck with that!! or if that Isnt yours then still good luck w/whatever your actual SR projects are #i have. um. several fanfic wips of my own for it to satiate the things id like to see people explore more #but im not a very good writer and its next to impossible to finish or even get them off the ground.. #so mad respect that youve been successful there #ALSO if you have ever looked up spider riders on twitter u will find out that people definitely DO remember it #theres like 4-5 tweets on most days of ppl just repeating the catchphrase or being like ''wow this show ruled anyone remember it'' #theres just no other thoughts beyond that and thats the unfortunate part that doesnt ultimately help it w recognition or community #sorry this is rambly i just do not get to talk abt like anything adjacent to it very much anymore and i still love it very very much.. #so thanks for sending this in too!!!!

[midnapanda]

I think why I dread even the thought of drawing now is because of how long a process it is if I want it to be "presentable" to other people. I need to draw a sketch traditionally. I need to look up reference pictures if I want it to look Good. But I don't bother with looking up reference most times. I don't even bother trying to get details right anymore because "I'll just fix it digitally." And fixing a sketch instead of just tracing for lineart sucks. Then of course I have to worry about color and shading, and whether or not I want a background (I usually don't bother with adding one).

Basically,, I hate that I haven't grown out of my perfectionism and willingness to please people. I don't draw solely for fun-- I draw because I want to show off. And god, I do not have anything good to show off right now.

#i tried drawing metry and inkfall two days ago as a crossover with the little twin stars #i sketched without reference so now im in that stupid process of Redrawing Everything Digitally #so i. dont even want to finish it. it was a stupid half baked idea #im just thinking about that post i saw that was like 'do something with your hands so youre not so crazy' #and i really really need to do. idk what but i need to do Something. #i need to stop being insane and sad #ok genuinely when i remembered what those requests were i started tearing up bc theyre such cute ideas #and i cant draw them bc i am in a State #vent