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#incorrect devil may cry
incorrectnerov-quotes · 10 months
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Lady: Remember when the boys made us watch that movie about the gay guys on the mountain? Trish:...Lord of rings Lady: Yeah
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spardawritings · 1 year
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If Dante helped Vergil choose a new name:
Vergil: Gilver will do just fine.
Dante: What about Ligver? It sounds cooler and almost sounds like Ligma.
Vergil: Ligma? What is Ligma?
Dante: Ligma bal-
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jangmo-othewarrior · 1 year
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Patty: Hey, Mom.
Nina: Yeah, Honey?
Patty: Do demons give weapons to their... friends?
--- Earlier that Day ---
Dante: Hey Brat, gotcha a new toy.
Patty: ... Dante. Is this Abigail... as a devil arm?
Dante: Oh,*laughs* yeah. I've been saving it for ya. Happy 18th, Pattycake!
Patty: ???¿¿¿???
---
Nina: Not really. There are mating gifts, but weapons tend to be reserved for 'coming of age' ceremonies for their children.
Patty: oh.... OH!
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corvidcircus · 1 year
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(the Sparda twins back on their shit post-canon)
Nero: (slurps coffee) Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Kyrie: Nero!
Nico: *wheezing*
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vngful · 3 months
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nico-drives-badly · 22 days
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V: What if I break your trust someday?
Nero: Trusting you is my decision. Proving me wrong is your choice.
V: [is visibly impressed] Wow, Nero. That was really insightful of you.
Nico: He got that from Spongebob.
V: Nevermind.
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zzdinde · 8 months
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liquidcatt · 3 months
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When it's your first time
Him: Don't worry…I'll be gentle. You: DON'T BE!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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indycaelumskywalker · 5 months
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Y/n: Looks like we can't mansplain or manipulate ourselves out of this situation?
Dante: How about malewife'ing?
Vergil: Manslaughter it is.
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icycoldninja · 5 months
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Dmc incorrect quotes
Nero, tearing up the room: Where are they? Nero, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children? Nero: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.
Dante: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.
V: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water? Nero: Because your toast would get soggy!
V: Let’s not Dante this into a worse situation than it already is. Dante: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Dante: Can you pass the salt? V: Can you pass away? Dante: Too much salt.
V: I drink to forget but I always remember. Nero: You're drinking orange juice.
Dante: I got an idea! V: Does it involve breaking the law? Dante: By now don’t you think that’s a given? V: I was just trying to be optimistic. Dante: Don’t bother.
Dante: I'm gonna nickname my child "Lil Bitch". Nero: I see you're passing on your name.
Nero: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. V: Wasn’t Dante with you? Dante: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
Nero, Vergil, and Dante are playing poker. Dante is winning by a long shot. Nero: Aw, come on. Vergil: It’s not fair! He doesn't even know what we’re playing! Dante: Go Fish?
Nero, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume? Dante: grabs and chugs the entire bottle Dante: Dante: It's perfume.
Dante: What is wrong with you? Vergil: Many, many things… Vergil: And most of them are your fucking fault.
Dante: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass. Nero: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL! Dante: …Your point?
Nero: I can be your partner for the next race. Vergil: Sorry, Nero. It's a sibling race. Dante: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this. Vergil: It's only children, Dante. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!
Dante: They called me the B-word. Vergil: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.
Nero: If you’re going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it. Vergil: There is an alternative, then. Nero: Out with it. Vergil: You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there.
Vergil: If there’s one thing I learned from Dante, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.
Nero, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Vergil, standing in front of Nero: bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen Nero, crying: Please…stop…
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storytellering · 2 years
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still on that redrawing binge, this time I redid my first Dante art - this time with a lot more Gremlin Hell Twink flavour
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V: I wasn’t “trauma dumping”, I was telling you my lore
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helloimevgayniy · 1 year
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Y/N: Dante, help me, I promised Vergil that i'll cook dinner, but I don't know how!
Dante,pouring milk into a bowl with cereal,while eating pizza : and you think i can help you with this?
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jangmo-othewarrior · 1 year
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Demonic Colds
--- DMC 3 ---
Lady: *sneezes*
Dante: You good?
Lady: Yeah, just as cold.
Dante: Oh, okay.
Also DT!Dante: Oh shit, she's going to spontaneously combust.
--- DMC 4 ---
Teen Credo: Sorry Nero, Kylie couldn't come play today. She's sick.
Tiny Nero: WHAT!!
Teen Credo: oh geez!..
Tiny Nero: SHE'S GOING TO DIIIIEEEE!!!
--- DMC 5 ---
Dante: ~Devil May Cry~
Kyrie: Mr. Dante! Thank goodness you picked up.
Dante: Kyrie? What's-
Kyrie's Phone Background: SCCRRRREEEECCHH
Dante: What in HELL was that?
Kyrie: Nero.
Dante: Nero?
Kyrie: Juilo just threw up and-
Dante: Oh shit, VERGE! GET THE YAMATO AND OPEN UP A PORTAL TO FORTUNA RIGHT FUCKIN NOW!-*phone drops*
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hecate-valentine · 2 years
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This is a chronic illness
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vngful · 10 months
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