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aditheursula · 9 months

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We're Kind of Doomed...Just a Little

Tonight while I was playing PVE DayZ, I came across a large gas canister that I didn't need. I typed out in the chat that I had a large gas canister that I didn't need and if anyone needs it then it's theirs. I would even leave it where they could find it later if need be. Someone responded with, "We can buy that at the Trader." This didn't exactly break my brain yet it started me thinking. Capitalism is a certain kind of brain rot that goes so deep into the psyche of a person that they impose its rigidity on a fucking video game.

I say this because that person and many other people on the server:

Believe that there should be no "hand outs".

Believe that community is not about sharing as much as it is about making a profit from others and expect rewards.

Find it foreign/baffling when a person doesn't want a reward or payment for something.

Get mean & aggressive when you want to share items with others. (Ex. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?!?!? THAT'S WORTH X-AMOUNT YOU C*NT!")

Cannot comprehend bartering or mutual aid.

What baffles me is that DayZ is about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Keyword being "surviving". Just because there are traders it does not mean that the survival aspect must be capitalistic. Helping people and building a communal aspect in a post-apocalyptic environment where you could be mauled to death by zombies, bears, wolves, etc at any time is the best survival option and not where one must depend on having enough cash on hand to buy every little thing.

The more I think about a zombie/post-apocalypse type scenario happening in a place like the United States or United Kingdom (or any hyper-nationalist capitalist state) the more I think we're kind of fucking doomed. Like just a little fucking doomed. Mainly because of the individualist, "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality that has gotten only the 1% farther in life yet brainwashed billions into thinking they are millionaires in-waiting while they get paid unfairly. Too many do not understand mutual aid...yet they set up GoFundMe accounts so they can pay off their medical bills. It's disturbing how around-the-facts people can go and for how long.

Even in a fucking survival video game where you loot to survive in a post-apocalyptic world full of stuff that wants to kill you there are people that put a price on everything and hold currency over necessity. If you've ever been in a WoW Guild it can also be this way too.

We all saw and were impacted by the Pandemic. We all saw what people did with hoarding supplies and buying up supplies so they could sell them online at a markup...during a global pandemic. The world is still recovering from that greed (and Covid-19 has not gone away at all). Supply chains are still fucked. Imagine if the Pandemic was worse. Imagine if The Last of Us came to pass. I don't even want to think about it not because of the clickers. No. I don't want to think of it because of the ultra-individualism of too many people that would become a faction of rabid capitalists without a world bank or a stable currency.

Just a little fucking doomed.

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eroticcannibal · 1 year

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Oh no are we doing the "popular children's program is BASICALLY COCAINE and will LITTERALLY ROT YOUR CHILD'S BRAIN" again?

Didn't happen with teletubbies, didn't happen with spongebob, isnt going to happen with cocomelon. Also instances of childhood neglect leading to noticeable and severe developmental delay like "cant write cus ipad" (in my day it was "cant write because texting") and "cant talk because tv" (that once hasn't changed) remain rare and is not something the majority of kids are ever going to experience. Even when they do, there is usually an underlying cause and the problem would still be there without the presence of the technology, for example a child with speech delay may well engage in echolalia simply because that's how their brain works, and of course its going to relate to YouTube if they watch YouTube. If they didn't they'd copy something else but they wouldn't be speaking in full original sentences. (And lets be real plenty of these are just people jumping to blaming technology instead of accepting that developmental delay is normal and happens. People want to blame things, they don't want to accept they have a child they see as broken). Maybe the evil ipad stopped your kid tying their shoelaces or maybe its actually a hard thing and some people, LIKE ME FOR EXAMPLE, cant do it.

This same scaremongering happens every generation and is always overblown crap. This generation its evil ipads, for mine it was TV. For my mother's it was physical affection. Its bullshit, calm down.

(Also kids are being expected to do things younger and younger when it isn't developmentally appropriate. Like being expected to be physically developed enough to write by hand neatly at nursery age. Which is physically impossible. Thats not ipads their bones haven't grown enough yet. So maybe chill)

(Also also, you might wanna consider how much is you clinging to ways of living just because its normal to you. It took me a while to accept that my child's difficulty with writing does not need to be considered any kind of delay because its 2023 and we have keyboards and screens now. This "problem" actually has zero effect on it ever since adults stopped losing their minds over it. We dont live in a world that requires handwriting anymore. White teachers have also been losing their minds over kids "regressing" during covid for "forgetting how to use knives and forks" when like. Bitch these kids are Indian. They know how to eat they just do it differently and didn't have to assimilate for a year. That's not something to worry about!)

Tl;dr you're falling for the "technology is corrupting the youth and now they are different from us" again.

#word of god #i have had the dubious honor of parenting through the growth of the ipad panic #and ur all mad ok #pls calm down

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sgtmickeyslaughter · 3 months

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once again, its been one hell of a wednesday

time to unwind with a weekly tag game!

thanks for tagging me @lingy910y @juliakayyy @energievie and @jrooc

name: gigi

age: 24

star sign: full time virgo

first language: english

second language: lol i wish, my girlfriend has been trying to teach me korean the whole time we've been together and cant comprehend that my brain is just simply not wired to learn language

favorite lip product: aquaphor 🥰 and the nars laguna lipstick it was literally made for pale autumns

the best food dish you can make without a recipe? honestly most things, even when its new i like to skim and freestyle, most often i make eggs in hell and various soups, stews and stocks

if you drink tea, what kind? the only tea i drink is bottled cold green tea, and ginger in hot water when im sick

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? light roast <3

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: music videos! also watching a lot of book binding tutorials and general quiet crafting videos

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: the dame herself ms. jenna marbles and honestly up until she left it would be the same answer

favorite item of clothing right now: i have a few very very cozy sweaters that have been in rotation over the last few weeks, but i am very excited to get back to soft loose blouses and pants

favorite item of clothing in 2012: a very cool 70's jean jacket that i still own and wear!

fandom

three movies you recommend: Chungking Express, jennifers body, in bruges

your favorite concert: tyler childers at radio city music hall, the queen of dancehall herself sister nancy and tune yards

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? not a single opinion, we can agree to disagree on things but i have unfollowed people for consistantly being really negative about everyone other than their favorite characters and just overall being a bummer

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? Nope! every fandom I've been apart of has had really lovely people, but by far shameless is the nicest which feels a little ironic

the best tv show you watched last year: Beef by far, I don't think Ive ever resonated with a piece of media with such raw emotion (also the bear and succession but yall already knew that)

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? Im not really apart of the harry potter fandom at all but sometimes marauder fancasts come on my fyp and theyre all really fun

a ship you’ve abandoned: destiel a little, i still love them that brain rot (damage) cant be undone but i rewatched supernatural last year and like, Dean is so genuinely unkind to him most of the time (/nuanced)

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? i mean, with who?

do you have a fandom tattoo? no tattoos

what fandom do you wish was bigger? none come to mind

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? no honestly im pretty okay with all of them, but i never watched any of the big ones that people hate

have you…

swam in an ocean? yes! I was a jr lifeguard, swimmer and water polo player in highschool, i am the safest person to visit the beach with

been vegan/vegetarian? I was vegan for three years but when i moved back home during covid i couldnt really keep it up while eating dinner with my family every night and now im very plant based but not vegan or veg

gone skinny dipping? many times lol

gone skiing? yes but i prefer snowboarding

been to a convention? only work related design conventions

tagging from my notes: @mickeysgaymom @rainbowbri @anonymous-galager @gallawitchxx @iansw0rld @mybrainismelted

#sgt says #tag game

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whoblewboobear · 8 months

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TVGATE 📺💖

1.) Glee- Ryan Murphy is my enemy and glee is unhinged but it is hands down my FAVORITE show of all time. I started watching it when I was in 8th grade and the chokehold it has on me to this day is unreal. Season one was lighting in a bottle and to follow it up with an even better season after that? Lea Michelle is also my enemy BUT s1 Rachel berry is so fucking funny. Glee is the reason I joined chorus in high school- like the impact glee has on me? Incredible. Just 10/10. I could say more but we will be here all fucking day. And ofc Santana is my favorite character and I hope Naya is resting easy right now 💖

2.) Sucession- This show ate my ass for weeks and the brain rot after I finished it is still going strong. I avoided this show for a minute bc hearing about it through osmosis was enough and the fans put me off. I started about a month or two after the finale dropped. Like fuck rich people and fuck most of these characters but goddamn do I love it. I blew through this show so quick bc the acting??? The dialogue! THE EVERYTHING 🥵👏 you just know that if there’s a party or a dinner or some kind of rich people bullshit event that it will be the most compelling shit you’ve ever seen. Boar on the Floor was so sadistic and evil and FASCINATING. Like- I wanna open these people up and examine them. I was a Kendall girlie during my watch and a Shiv girlie post-show. I will say if you wanna enjoy this show just avoid.. most men’s opinions on it. I’ve heard the most shit takes on this show it’s ridiculous. It definitely lives up to the hype.

3.) Lovesick- Guys 🥺 if you’re gonna watch anything from this list watch this. I watched it when I was on a huge Netflix deep cut kick and WOW. Very lighthearted and funny romcom about a dude that finds out he has chlamydia and goes down the list of his old partners to tell them they need to get checked. All of these characters are so lovely and you just wanna root for them. It only loses points because it’s unfinished. I would’ve loved to see where things go for Dylan and Evie 🤧

4.) The Haunting of Bly Manor- INCREDIBLE. Mike Flannigan puts his whole pussy into into everything he makes. The write is incredible, the mystery is so well thought out. Every loose end is tied up just enough to let the viewer still have room to speculate. Definitely not scary in the way that Hill House is but everything else makes up for that. The cast??? I fucking love Rahul Kohli and I’ve loved that man since iZombie. Victoria Pedretti is the love of my life and the way she plays Dani? The range she has to go from Nell in Hill House to Dani is so sick. I just adore her. And of course T’Nia Miller as Hannah? She’s the clear standout. I need to see her in everything I’m BEGGING. The Hannah episode is truly the best episode of the entire season. This is a tragedy through and through and your heart will break for every single one of these characters. Just a gorgeous piece of television 💖

5.) Euphoria (Season One + Specials)- Again, Sam Levinson is my enemy but goddamn is season one SO GOOD. The aesthetics, the acting, the characters, the cinematography!? When Sam has a passion project and a story in mind he can truly make magic. Also putting Zendaya on your vision board and then actually landing her to be in it is so dope. The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed aka S1Ep7 is my favorite episode by FAR. So real, so funny, so compelling. Everyone showed up to set that week to make MAGIC. I don’t make a ton of fanart but euphoria had my ass so hooked that all I wanted to do was draw Rue and I sure as hell did. I was looping All for us for MONTHS. It’s still the #1 song on my Spotify TO THIS DAY. The special episodes during Covid were also so well done. Season 2 is dog shit so it isn’t included in this but rip to Angus Cloud because he was so special and the clear highlight of season 2 as Fez. (I could watch him beat up Nate Jacobs all day 🥳)

A huge honorable mention for the shows A Young Doctor’s Notebook, Chewing Gum, & The Bear (s1) because holy shit 💖. The first 2 are both absurd comedies from my Netflix deep cut era.

AYDNC stars Daniel Radcliffe as this doctor that gets addicted to morphine in the backwoods of 20th century Russia. It’s a dark comedy and a wild ride. I only watched it once and I have no idea if it’s still on Netflix or not but if you have nothing to watch and you want something that’s pretty out there or you’re a fan of Daniel’s comedic acting you’re in for a TREAT.

Chewing Gum stars Michaela Coel as Tracey. So 👏 Fucking 👏 Funny. The writing is incredible and I can’t speak highly enough about the way Michaela drops you into the world for a wild ride. Tracey’s pretty much in the end of that awkward transition period between your teens and adulthood. Just a really hilarious coming of age story that DEFINITELY would’ve benefited from a true final season. If you like Michaela Coel you will like this. She also has a show called I May Destroy You and I can’t wait to sit down and watch it. I’ve heard all good things 💖

The Bear is way newer and s2 didn’t drop that long ago so I won’t go too in-depth about it like everything else but INCREDIBLE SHOW. If you like food and sad white men and just- EVERYTHING about Ayo Edebiri then you’ll love this. Season 2 isn’t my favorite but Season One?? This show makes me miss living in a city. I just 💖💖 I can’t recommend it enough. Jeremy Allen White’s arms are reason alone to watch. I’d let that man [redacted] my [redacted] for hours like he makes me UNWELL he’s so gorgeous.

#tvgate #bb25 #succession #the haunting of bly manor #glee #lovesick #scrotal recall #euphoria #a young doctor's notebook #chewing gum #the Bear

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numbknee · 1 year

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Enough of the suffering thru the asks abt all the other cartman ships, what abt your brain rot? 🥺 what *are* your thoughts on kyman?? Go ham dude

ooooh dear... where to begin with the kyman brainrot....... I guess I’ll start at the beginning. VERY LONG POST under the cut. this is basically my kyman meta magnum opus lmao

I’ve talked about this ad nauseam before, but I really, REALLY didn’t want to get into south park. I had only ever watched like 2 full episodes before 2021 and I simply did not understand the appeal. I just thought the draw to the show was the shock factors: gross-out humor, children swearing and committing violence, and blatant bigotry played for laughs. I didn’t understand how it could be so popular other than “well I guess there are lots of horrible people out there who like this horrible show.”

I grew up in a very WASP-y town and had peers in elementary/middle school who learned about the existence of antisemitism and other bigotries through south park. because kids are stupid and don’t understand satire, many of them took it at face value and were able to have shittons of words added to their vocabulary to put people down and insult them. it was horrible tbh. and I hated the show for that, even as a young kid. I personally wasn’t perfect by any means but even as a snot-nosed, extremely sheltered little white girl I knew that you just shouldn’t do that shit. our school system in particular lauded the “golden rule” constantly (we had to do a school-specific pledge after the pledge of allegiance every day... yeah I know, very american) and I was like “cmon, you guys can’t even follow that ONE RULE to be a semi-decent human being?? really??”

anyway at the end of 2021, my younger brother asked me to watch the post-covid specials with him and he was very excited about it. I was immediately hesitant, especially because in recent years he has become alarmingly incel-y and took a hard turn to the right while I became a leftist. I reluctantly agreed to sit through it to try to understand him more because, even though his political ideology sucks ass, he’s still my brother and I do love him.

so I watched the specials, and I came out the other side of it shell-shocked with how surprisingly good the writing was. THIS stupid show, the show that all this time I thought was bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, was... GOOD??? particularly regarding CARTMAN??

the only things I knew about cartman going into it were the following: he’s fat, he says the name “kyle” weird, and he’s a horrible antisemite. and they made him grow up to be a freaking RABBI. it completely caught me off guard and *gasp* actually made me laugh???? what????

there were plenty of other things I loved about the post-covid specials, like my depressed ass relating WAAAY too hard with stan, the extremely on-the-nose satire of the state of advertisement/capitalism with the stupid “denny’s applebee’s max” restaurant chain gag and all the old people being shoved into a giant prison retirement home once they aren’t productive anymore, kenny getting sick of the gang’s bullshit and writing “FUCK THESE HOES” on a beloved childhood photo, butters become a snake-oil salesman for NFTs, kyle being told to “think like a kid” and like 2 seconds later realizing they need to look up kenny’s ass. I could go on but you get the point.

I liked it way more than I thought I ever would. and obviously, I often find south park funny for different reasons than my brother does because matt & trey are very good at toeing the line of appealing to both sides of the american political spectrum, but it’s become a point of bonding between us in the year since I started watching the show and I’m grateful for that.

of course, since i’m terminally on tumblr and ao3, I also started to dive into the fandom of south park. I had heard about the whole creek thing years ago and waved it off as a stupid gag but then I realized wait, holy shit, there’s actually a GIGANTIC shipping culture around south park??? at first I got into style because of the interesting concept of post-covid kyle and stan reconnecting after decades apart and not being the same people they used to be but trying to make it work anyway (I even wrote a fic about it ahahaa...)

but after a while I got tired of the ship because as I watched the rest of the show, I realized their relationship just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be. like they’re best friends but... why? because they’ve known each other forever? they both like video games? they make fun of cartman together? the fact they’re “super-best-friends” is kind of taken for granted by the show and the audience, but imo matt and trey never really explore the intricacies of their relationship very much. y’all can disagree with me on this but idk, all I know is that I got bored with style as a ship after like 2 months.

while scrolling through ao3 and tumblr, I ran across kyman fics/fanart for the first time back in february or so. at first I was appalled because... why the everloving fuck would you ship the blatant antisemite with the jewish kid??? really???? isn’t style a much better choice??? but sheer curiosity got the better of me, so I did what I always do when I’m curious about a ship: select for fics with kyle broflovski/eric cartman, sort by kudos, and read the first result (or in this case the second because the first had creek as the main ship). y’all know which fic that is if you’ve even slightly gotten into kyman. it was interesting, but I personally didn’t see them as the actual characters from the show in that fic. they were fandom versions of kyle and cartman, with their personalities changed enough to fit the standard mlm shipping dynamic that’s popular in fandom spaces (particularly regarding dom/sub aspects). I’ve seen it happen in plenty of other fandoms so I wasn’t surprised, but I still couldn’t see how it could possibly work if one were to use their canon character depictions.

all the while I was making my way through episodes of the show cuz it’s long af, and over time I became more and more intrigued with kyle and cartman’s relationship. cartman quickly became my favorite character in the show because of how fucking complex and layered his personality is (see my tags on this post), and though kyle despises cartman in countless ways, he still is the only one who consistently tries to find goodness in him, tries to make him change for the better, saves him when no one else will, and remains his friend despite everything. it’s a remarkably complex dynamic.

little hints of kyman started creeping up on me: cartman being frequently queer-coded as a closeted gay kid. kyle getting extremely jealous of cartman and heidi’s relationship. both of them on separate occasions saving the other from death or injury without wanting any credit for it or lording it over each other. “we've been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something”

needless to say, I started to get it. and then I encountered the straw that broke the camel’s back: “know your enemy” by elsen on ao3. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve read that fic probably over a dozen times. it was shockingly well-written and so in-tune with the style and tone of the show that I was like “is this person spirit-channelling trey parker or something wtf???” and all of a sudden, I could see how, in a different universe, kyman could actually be an endgame ship.

what sold me on it the most was how in-character it seemed for cartman to be a repressed, denial-ridden sub, especially regarding his desired relationship with kyle. there’s plenty of canon evidence that cartman has a secret crush on kyle (see this vid by johnny 2 cellos), but there’s no way that kyle could reciprocate those feelings, right?? imo kyle would probably rather die than enter a romantic relationship with cartman where he had to submit to him all the time, but if cartman would want kyle to be dominant over him??? where kyle has control and is able to curb cartman’s problematic behavior as he sees fit??? that opens up a whole other door of possibilities.

I think what kyle wants more than anything else in the world regarding cartman is for the goodness he sees deep down inside him to come to the surface, and for kyle to be the one to guide him (or force him when necessary) to becoming a better person through love and patience and inherent understanding of his fucked up little head??? I can definitely see kyle wanting that (especially since I see kyle as a repressed, denial-ridden sadist/dom lmao; see this post for my thoughts on that).

it was all downhill from there. I found tons of other cool kyman shippers on tumblr and twitter whose writing and fanart helped suck me in even more and I’ve been stuck in kyman hell ever since. special shoutout to the asker for her kyman analysis posts that inspired this fic I wrote! love u boo <3

ANYWAY that’s how I became a whore for kyman lolololol ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ have a nice day everybody

#if you read this whole thing i love u #i hope to god no one i know irl finds this blog 🙃🙃🙃#this also doubles as a personal fandom history for myself lol #kyman #ask #my post

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zahlibeth · 4 months

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2023 bingo roundup

new years resolutions don't work for me, but having a bingo card to check every month keeps me thinking about new things. I managed triple bingo this year?! Thoughts about all of them under the cut - may not be of interest to anyone other than me, but it is my blog so

Random other stats books: 17 (+1) most recommended: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir (sci-fi. man in rocket trying to save earth. best read without further spoilers. enjoy?) most loved: the Rebel Kings MC series by Garrett Leigh which has sent me into full brain rot. queer biker brotherhood - romance and found family and trauma and violence

movies: 21 new favourites: Dungeons & Dragons, Nimona, Red, White and Royal Blue.

tv: 29 different shows, 34 full seasons. 8 partial seasons - some affectionate (actively watching Succession S2, Sons of Anarchy S4), some derogatory (gave up on Picard S3 and Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S1)

Bingo squares A&E visit - read "ER visit". put this one in because up until this year kiddo had found herself in a&e at least once every year. this year? no, husband had a weird heart thing that resolved itself (??? bodies.) and i fucked my wrist by falling over while running with kiddo on her bike, to the point where i needed it x-rayed (it was fine)

appearance change - fucked around with my hair a little, cut it fairly short over the summer, braided it a bit, currently growing it out

redecorated - god so many things. i re-organised the bathroom to be somewhat tidier (and easier to clean!) and also bought a snake plant (she's doing lovely). we finally put up the border in kiddo's room. (she's 5. we bought it 7 years ago. 2016.) and then also bought and put together a bedside table and reading lamp for her. we hung curtain rails and put new blackout curtains in her room (grey) and ours (beautiful bottle green). decluttered half the kitchen and the sides are clean??? and staying tidy??? and then i had a december meltdown and we put together a little bookshelf upstairs to hold puzzles and two giant ones downstairs, ditching the sideboard via facebook marketplace and finally decluttering the living room. we have an ikea trip planned for tomorrow to get a million baskets to organise said bookshelves. also we reorganised the cupboard under the stairs and got a new shelf thing in there, made possible by the clearout i did earlier in the year. and i framed and hung kiddo's amazing penguin on the wall. phew.

new favourite foods - discovered 3 new takeaways that do incredible things + fries. very dangerous. one is colombian street food (loaded sweetcorn dirty fries, tostones), one is straight up fried chicken (spicy fries with hot sauce, cheese sauce and crispy onions), one is asian fusion (chili brisket noodles or hoisin crispy duck fries. plus gyoza). also husband discovered rasperry frangipane tarts at the shop and they are the perfect sweet and sharp deliciousness

happy news - new nephew! the recipient of The Baby Blanket, he is three months old now and the cuddliest delight

good surprise - surprise flowers from husband and kiddo. surprise birthday wishes (and gifts?!) <333 and in reverse I also snuck a needle minder on to husband's cross stitch and pulled together a couple of little surprises for kiddo. i think we're going to do an easter egg scavenger hunt this year.

self knowledge - no big revelations this year, thank fuck (and uhh sorry to those few of you that i might have nudged into revelations of your own.) I DID discover a couple new ways to get a brain reset when needed though

new routines - bread making, skincare, trying to be more organised about cleaning the house, got a little library routine with the kiddo, got interdental brushes back into the teeth routine, kiddo has her own bedtime routine by herself

apologised for a fuck up - yeah i had a couple of these, including one i just. ignored. for a month or so. not proud of that. glad i cleared the air

caught covid - for the first time! kiddo's final gift out of pre-school

got dressed up - kiddo came out with us for dinner on my birthday, that was a lot of fun, glad she's old enough to do this now! couple of other dinners, christmas etc. nothing big. waiting for the day she and i can wear matching dresses to a wedding

new skills - bread making, various knitting techniques (flat, in the round, intarsia, some cabling, pattern drafting, various increases and decreases, colour changing etc), but also: french and dutch braids (mostly on the kiddo, growing my hair out a little more for me) and photoshop giffing just about

survived a bad decision - not sure i have much specific to point to for this one. i fucked up a couple of times and recovered in a couple of ways. i did also figure out how to fix a complete brain meltdown so that helped a lot.

cried - yeah, a bunch of times actually. some fic that destroyed me. some complete emotional and physical exhaustion. and then the time my bastard husband (affectionate) made me sit through "slipping through my fingers" from the mamma mia soundtrack. a song that made me emotional before i had a kid and now d e s t r o y s me. but we were listening to the soundtrack in the car and he didn't skip it so i just sat there in floods of tears until it was over. cathartic

misc favourites - new fandom in Rebel Kings MC <333 and all that goes with that: new characters, new ships, fic that looks into my soul, you know, the usual.

being brave (blank) - left two blank, have decided one of these gets to be filled for being brave - spotted something at work that's ethically and legally dodgy, so had to speak up and get it agreed that we would remove something from a couple of systems so we're not violating anything. I think i railroaded everyone into just agreeing with me by turning up well-informed and determined? I had to re-explain it again recently, but at least people seem inclined to agree.

new friendship - um. this one is hilarious in retrospect? I have made several very lovely tumblr friendships this year but i don't think i initiated a single one? beyond commenting occasionally on posts, I think all of you have messaged me first so. thank you <3. and if you've been in my DMs this absolutely includes you fyi. I also managed to make friends with a couple of different parents at kiddo's school so that's good! not close friends, but at least someone i can talk to at the inevitable events. (and then there's you, who i didn't anticpate at all <333)

bad recipe - actually only one on my list this year? I tried to make potato rosti and it was just ??? burnt and also raw??? so unappealing i never even tried a redo

new craft - well. knitting. not much else to say here!

other thoughts - the fact that i don't have any new tech says something about the brain space I DIDN'T have this year. badly need to upgrade my desktop but i can't face the research right now. my kindle battery is also dying a death but then i have to think about non-amazon alternatives and blah.

don't know if this should get its own square, but i got to meet another discord friend this year and take her for a walk around York city walls, so that was an unexpected delight.

over all it was a much more productive year than i expected, and it's nice to think about the progress i made, especially when a lot of things still suck in a lot of ways and are hard to deal with. trying to carry that energy into 2024 and maybe we can also fix some of the harder things too

(if you read this far i love you. if you just skipped right to the end i still love you. wonder what i should put in the bingo this year)

#zahli 2023 roundup #z

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pinkopalina · 5 days

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how covid unsocialized me.

it's hard for me to even wax poetic about my experiences because I saw how little anything mattered. so many of us died and even more wrote it off like god was thinning the herd or like the most vulnerable of us getting picked off was deserved because of what the most brutal and uncaring of us did. it made me form a stark contrast between who I thought "us" was and who I realized "they" are.

it made it really hard for me to live day to day without ruminating about our systems and how unhappy I am playing pretend doing stupid shit to make money for people who proved to me that they don't care about me. why am I doing this? why do I have to participate ? how are the rest of you happy and complacent this way, but how dare I say that? in what way have I proven myself a pure saint of a paragon? I have sinned with my apathy.

now I'm so completely disillusioned with any attempt to care about anything because I watched in real time as everything shifted. as covid broke us and rebuilt us for THEIR convenience. yes being gay is okay, to sell you stuff. but we'll take your rights away. yes we care about work life balance... but only if our job controls our access to healthcare and we have to be there more than enough to warrant the work we do.

and it's not like it was great before! it's not like something amazing was ruined and I'm just mad at covid for fucking it up. it was bad and it was a matter of time before something sparked change, and I feel like that was supposed to be covid. if it wasn't that, it was gonna be something else. we had this whole opportunity to actually change and heal the earth and ourselves but we FUCKED THAT UP. we're STILL FUCKED UP YEARS LATER. how many more years of this am I going to witness and bear apathy to because I have no better choice???

it feels with so much bad shit compounding on top of each other, like an unhealthy mind, our unhealthy society ruminating on their problems and blaming each other instead of getting up to help has just left me defeated. the fight goes on and I am no soldier. it's every day. it's always feeling stupid for feeling hopeful and then feeling regret for overcorrecting with rage. I feel like my words are so foreign and long winded to people now that expressing myself, like trying to be saved during COVID, was useless. I legitimately have thoughts like "well at least people who are dead now don't have to worry about what a shit world it's becoming lol" but I can't even EXPRESS that I feel that way because Tumblr police in my head from 16 years of being on the only website that hasn't died yet -- but only has a MILLION rules you have to abide by unless you want a callout post and to develop borderline personality disorder -- will remind me that thoughtcrimes are actually that serious like just as bad as the real shit that is happening with the people with guns and money and power and law making abilities and you should be killed for them too. even though the war is bad. like, these rules don't make any fucking sense but I still have to abide by them.

and then I go into these huge metaphors and assumptions about life and it's echo chambering in my own brain and I actually feel like I turned into the joker. except I'm not even allowed to relate to that because everyone in the ship tag you follow to try to alleviate some of the symptoms of the rot on your mental health that is Daily Life has become an expert on how you should think about them too and they will also kill and ostracize you for having a headcanon that maybe onions have layers sometimes and then you're just better off rambling in every text post you ever make and then deleting it because everything you've ever said has gotten a decreasing amount of notes until it's become 0 and every single one of your artist friends has followers in the thousands but still wants your pity because hating ourselves is too addictive to ever trying to be positive about anything.

like man I am BITTER!!!!!! 🤪😂🙂‍↕️🤝🥰🥴🤪☺️

#this was poetry #my memoirs #my beloved useless message and meaningless words #my gorgeous emptiness #the irony in front of me every day #like I know I'm on socialized because I literally think it would be fine to dress up as a clown and go to work like that.#like because that's literally what I'm fucking doing!!!!! why not just fucking play the part????????

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llocalgoblinn · 16 days

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other life updates lol

Ok so I'm thinking of resuming blogging on here more regularly because I miss it. And frankly I am starting to think other social media is rotting my brain. I might try to just stay on here posting slutty nonsense and on my art Instagram posting my paintings and keep it to that. The other shit fucks with my head and I need a break.

Also I've been sick as fuck since the eclipse lol like straight up pretty sure I had COVID. Feels like my ancestors are banishing the evil from my body, which I saw a meme about and was like yup that's accurate. Hoping life is helping me clear some of this debris from my path and it's manifesting as an absolutely BARKING cough.

Last but not least dating has been, dare I say it, fun! For the most part. Definitely triggering some stuff and getting my feelings hurt but it feels like through that I'm building capacity to be there for myself. Plus my friendships are blossoming! So I am feeling very blessed in love. It's also been nice to reclaim my sexual energy after my demonic ex raped me and sucked it out lol. Getting back on the horse was hard but I finally just got so sick of being stuck on it and exploring my dom side has been a healthy way to reestablish a safe connection with sex.

And I am frankly loving building a little harem of pokemen who are all different and interesting and satisfy different needs. Sometimes I feel like Dr Frankenstein cobbling together a boyfriend from pieces of all these people, but honestly for the most part I think it's healthier for me. It forces me to think critically about my feelings and level of attachment and emotional capacity. I'm not so anxiously attached and in my head. We'll see how it develops, I'm sure at some point the agony will come back to bite me in the ass HAHA. But for now life is decent!

#me irl

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iammissingautumn · 1 year

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Assigning South Park M5 Mitski lyrics/songs

Stan Marsh - Brand New City

Think my brain is rotting in places

I think my heart is ready to die

I think my body is falling in pieces

I think my life is losing momentum

I think my ways are wearing me down

Stan Marsh is a character who has never been only about his depression or/and his levels of self hatred he has expressed in a place like Your Getting Older. But I feel like this really gets to the core of how he kinda views his unwinding. This kinda realization that the way you’re living is hurting you like you’re your own dislocated shoulder grating yourself down. I think that fits him.

Butters Stotch - Working For The Knife

I cry at the start of every movie

I guess 'cause I wish I was making things too

But I'm working for the knife

I always knew the world moves on

I just didn't know it would go without me

I used to think I'd be done by twenty

Now at twenty-nine, the road ahead appears the same

Though maybe at thirty, I'll see a way to change

That I'm living for the knife

I think this reflects a very specific way that Victor ended up being. The way that he could be wishing for more and so on. He works in a harmful industry and he had such a penchant for creativity as a kid and the arts (tap dancing, drawing, singing, playing guitar, etc) and yet when he grows up he gets into Post Covid’s scheme.

Which feels so much inspired from his Professor Chaos persona, which was born out of being hurt when he was young. And he was hurt when he was young largely because of how his parents abuse shaped him. Which is why I feel like “I always knew the world moves on. I just didn’t know it would move without me.” is such a good line for him. Butters was abused heavily for breathing, almost killed by his own mom, etc. His only solace could be his friends yet Cartman hurt him as well, rejection and malice all over the place. Until Butters was someone Cartman could use as a pawn, but as that happened over time Butters became his own ball of bad traits (he’s so misogynistic, racist, such a bully as of more recent times) and never was given a space to understand what was happening to his brain and was so upset by the bad things he leaned into it till it bled out of the Professor Chaos persona and became Worse.

He wants to be better, he wishes he could be. But he’s working for the knife!

Kenny McCormick - A Burning Hill

I'm tired of wanting more

I think I'm finally worn

I am a forest fire

And I am the fire and I am the forest

And I am a witness watching it

And I'll go to work and I'll go to sleep

And I'll love the littler things

Kenny being stuck in this cycle of (forced and self) sacrifice results in this cracked image of a lad. Expecting better from Cartman, expecting his other two friends to notice, expecting his parents to get better. I think there’s a level of hope in a young child that he feel that’s eroded away with time. And then he becomes the person who’s the destructive fire, and he is the forest being burned, and he’s the person not doing anything but being able to watch. He can’t stop his deaths but it’s in him.

With this ending promise of something more, of maybe being able to grow and expand. Love more. Have more. Not eternally burning.

Eric Cartman - Remember My Name

I gave too much of my heart tonight

Cause I need somebody to remember my name

I need someone to remember me

I need something bigger than the sky

Hold it in my arms and know it's mine

Eric Cartman has this distinct need for validation that moves him in such a specific way. Often when thinking he’s gotten himself in a corner we find that he’s actually on top of it all. Scott Tennorman Must Die is a good example of seeing him tempted purely because of how other people see him because of the stupid mistake. Along with this he has this distinct naivety (Butthole’s backstory is that their dad fucked their mom) that comes out in certain spots that show how much he cares about how people view him. On top of this he enjoys things like Butters being a minion of his. And his want and need for control, I think it fits well of him viewing that as a legacy, as wanting to be seen.

Kyle Broflovski - First Love/Late Spring

But I find that lately

I've been crying like a tall child

胸がはち切れそうで

And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five

Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child

And I don't wanna go home yet

First Love/Late Spring is a song riddled with romanticization and dependency that I would attribute more to someone like Stan rather than Kyle. Yet these parts stood out individually to me as something that felt so deeply Kyle. Kyle is a character who spends a lot of time pushing aside other things to fight and speak out for the “just” cause. Often sacrificing his own time and mind to fight for the right cause, usually against Cartman. So I think there’s something particularly Kyle about this. How he’s stepped up as a young child, socially and interpersonally. But I imagine as he gets older that stuff kinda chips away and he sees the cost it does to him.

There’s this lost feeling he has connected to him. Something that I think would follow him he never checks in on himself as he grows up. The feeling of your chest about to burst, your world crumbling. His issues come about in a very different way. He looks productive but it hurts him, and I believe Kyle to be more emotionally intelligent then the rest and find a way to deal with this. But when he can’t, or even while he is, he has this hit of this experience the lyrics highlight.

#u can send in requests for some other artists or characters if u may like this #south park #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #stan marsh #butters stotch #kenny mccormick #stan south park #mod caden #meta

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powderblueblood · 3 months

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Heavenly Powder, please forgive me; this is at least two months of supressed gushing but I need to purge because it's coming out my eyeballs

FIRST of all, hai, oh my goddd. I feel like I've had brain rot for YEARS and hai has me feeling some type of inspired; like maybe I can actually write the way I used to. Like I'm a published author (nonfiction tho) but POWDER...you give me so much hope that I can smith words- I started writing fiction again. My editor is not gonna know what the hell to do with me when I write up my next book proposal.

SECONDLY, that Richard Hawley song and The Mountain Goats got me through having Covid over the holidays and (not to be dramatic on main) they were the only things that kept me from hurling myself off the mortal coil. And you were entirely responsible, so thank you.

THIRDLY, you are forever invited to movie nights with my friends because your taste in cinema is impeccable and we need someone to stop us from picking Hallmark style rom-coms and D-horror flicks after scrolling titles for hours.

Thank you for sharing your talent and your interests. I look so forward to seeing your posts- you're single handedly keeping me afloat right now. Much love 💖

my sweet darling I am tearing up on the bus reading this let me absolutely TELL YOUUUUUUUU

genuinely the highest praise anyone could give me after reading my writing is that it made them want to get up and go write something precious of their own because that’s what the art I love does for MOI and to THINK that HAI helped you get there…… I’m honoured truly. Baffled. Thank you so much

And trust me when I say, there’s a reason that the Spotify playlist The Mountain Goats but Only the Songs That Encourage You To Keep On Living gets the heaviest spins in my headphones. I completely understand. Glad to welcome you to the warm embrace of that HELLUVA BAND PLUS Richard Hawley Jesus h Christ. Tonight the streets really are ours

💕💕💕💕 I won’t lie I am a pretty good movie night guest and I’m so pleased that you’re finding something kindred in my tastes, I am verrrrry passionate about them. Any and all requests for movie night recommendations are welcome!!!!!

this was such a sweet message! I love you! I hope you’re safe and well!

#powder room talk #anonymous #god bless everyone who has ever frequented this anon box you are so sweet and kind and cool

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dr-dendritic-trees · 1 year

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Fictional Despots Rated by How Much I Would Trust Them With Pandemic Preparedness

Because my brain decided to treat me to an experience so now you get one too.

Let's be clear, the despotic-ness and general badness of these people is in no way in question. This list is 90% villains. The question is not are they evil, its, how effective would their evil pandemic plan be:

The Emperor Mage, Ozorne Tasikhe: 10/10, he's organized, he has a big university experienced with epidemic response, that he's worked in. What more could you want from a villain.

Duke Roger of Conte: 6/10. He was trained in the same place Ozorne was, but he's also canonically, created epidemics for fun and profit, so I don't trust him.

The Dane Twins, Astrid and Athos: 8/10. They're efficient, and they're already trying to fix White London (just, in a villainous way). I take off points because I don't think they understand germ theory.

Osaron: 0/10. This character is COVID-19's inner monologue. No Thanks.

Prime Minister of the UK, The Black Pharaoh, Nyarlathotep: 7/10. He's a very organized villain, and he's got a vested interest in keeping the population up. But he has such... unusual ideas about 'helping' that I'm not sure I trust him (I would trust Dr. Angleton but we can't have nice things in this series).

Firelord Ozai: 2/10. This man is a dipshit. He can't fix problems that can't be fixed by throwing a fireball at them.

The Bone Shard Emperor Sukai: 2/10, he goes about making people sick to run his dumb army.

Asmodeus, Head of House Hawthorn: 7/10. Inside Hawthorn he'd probably score, like, 12/10. He's got medical training, he's good at his job and his (only) redeeming feature is that he's obsessively loyal. He... would probably have to be talked out of letting the rest of Paris rot by Thuan; but I have faith in Thuan.

Honourable Mention; The King In Red, Kopil: Honourable mention only because he isn't a villain character (although he is quite despotic) But I can't leave him out because I think Gay Capitalism Skeleton Grandpa needs more attention. 10/10. He has the power, the knowledge and the technology.

I will give notes on other villains as I think of them.

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ramcharantitties · 2 years

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How was your exam bhay

hi. so uhm, Im gonna rant. Well first of all to answer your question, the exam got cancelled because server sucked ass but I still did what i could incase it doesn't. It was super easy- and if the nta decides not to retake, i'm still getting in college.

furthermore- I really, really hate my, the people who live w me. I don't like calling them "family" or "p*rents" anymore. I only like my brother but that fucker is doing mba in bihar. Now, tell me, what were your dreams when you were 15? Small girl, thinking what job she would get. what college she should go. maybe a celebrity crush, right?

that was the first time i thought about k*lling my father. and no he didn't do anything bad to me, but all of it was mental abuse. My mom, in mid 2021, was extremely sick. It was the peak of covid and sooner or later she caught it too. Of course bhaiya and papa did all they could- and thankfully we did get hospital and she was admitted. 2 days later my brother caught covid. they are better now, mom and i are going out tomorrow to buy her some hair colour if anyone's wondering.

but imagine so much tension on a teen 17 yo. well my father always thinks that we did nothing and only he suffered through it. He wants all of us have to same passwords so he can access any of our- mail or any account on his wish. He yelled at me in a fucking moving metro in delhi on 7 pm because i was texting a guy from school. He has confiscated my phone thrice now for no fucking reason. like. in his eyes texting a friend Is a reason, apparently. Hell, he told me to "sit in sunlight in school" because my doctor said i am extremely sick and need vitamin d. you know why? because the fucking house he bought has no ventilation. and dude, lack of sunlight cause some real shit to brain. my mom got migraine in 2016 because of it.

i just want to talk my girlfriend tani and i had to make a whole plan w her that whom she can call so that we can pretend talking about college and i get to talk to her. last time he took my phone and when i got it back, i was texting a friend of mine. He said "why do u have to talk to anyone". My first dream was to move out of this fucking house. and no, my mom doesn't defend me. Instead her only god and world is her dear husband who has never done anything wrong. and let me tell you- they both will rot alone when old because they haven't done any less shit to my bhaiya. i wish they will rot alone. im crying so much i hate them alot. This one time i got hurt and i was crying because it just hurt so fkn much- my thumb got trapped somewhere and it was bleeding and he had the audacity to say "you just pretend so that you dont have to ever work" and when i said that to my mom she denied accepting it.

everytime he goes out i wish he gets in an accident. or i do. like, fr. Anyways i think let's see when will the govt release new dates or smth- also i still have second slot to attend for business studied- so yeah i think it's cool if i get to attend and its still cool if i dont :)

#im sorry #i hate him #sorry lmao #trauma dump #uwu <3

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