#it always feels weird when i’m designing clothes for them cause like i dont want them to wear formalwear all the time but it also feels

[gingergari]

Hi!! (I'm sorry this is the third time I'm trying to send the ask, I think my wifi is fighting with me aksdasl) I love your Mareach babies! and the art you have of them :''v Also their names are perfect bc of all the meanings jsdskd I'd love to know more of them bc I too love twins whdjwhdw How are they when they grow up? Or even when they were still babies!

i’m so glad you like mela and pera! :^) (and dw, the internet’s been wonky here too)

on the backend of things i’ve used mela for a mareach kid for a few years but it’s only this year when i was actually like. designing her that i was like ‘they should have twins. something something runs in the family (on my dad’s side of the family his mom had twins and the twins also had twins) something something legendary star twin having twins’ so i trialed a few names (mainly arancia) before i settled on pera! :^)

i’ve been having the time of my life this semester (/s) so i really haven’t developed them very much unfortunately :( but that’s what asks are for! (so please send more if you’re curious!)

this is getting long so here’s a post cut

mela is the more excitable twin and comes up with a lot of ideas, but as they grew up she defaults more to pera to lead because she tends to execute them better and think of details mela would miss

though as kids pera would go along with whatever mela suggested bc she thought it was fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (mela was the one who proposed playing with fire, pera would probably just say ‘lets do it outside’)

i think they fully developed their own ‘firebrand’ around 3-4! but there were signs beforehand, like mela sneezing smoke as a baby and having a higher normal body temperature than pera

(but peach’s magic is so strong there was little doubt that her children would inherit her abilities, and they do end up doing so to some degree! fire just manifested early)

in terms of them as babies, they were definitely a handful but overall ‘good’ babies

once pera knew how to walk tho it was a wrap

very adventurous and loves pursuing knowledge no matter what it takes (nosy and persistent) meanwhile mela has that same curiosity but doesn’t really know what she wants. the happy hobby pursuer

we know mario has experience with younger children and babies (mallow, goombario if you squint a little, watt, yoshi kid, himself (PiT moment), olivia) and peach likely doesn’t have nearly as much but it’s still a different ball game when it’s your kid and two of them and being prince consort(? king? in my head he stayed prince consort but i like @istadris ‘s thing) but he does have a huge community so they do end up well traveled/being cared for and spoiled by many of mario’s companions, and especially so by luigi, peasley, and daisy

back to them being more grown up

mela is the oldest (and as such wears warm-reddish colors in accordance with my headcanon of mushroom world sibling pairs) so technically she’s first in line for the throne, but she doesn’t have as much of an interest in it and believes pera would be a better choice. pera (wears green tones) to her credit does show more interest so they may forgo tradition once more when the time comes but joint ruling was never out of the question

but they don’t have to worry about that for quite a while (but i think peach would do well to make sure both are prepared regardless because of her own experience)

as a pair they aren’t as joined together at the hip as mario and luigi were/are mostly because they didn’t grow up in an environment where mela or pera absolutely needed to protect the other (nor were they ever forcibly separated like the bros were in yoshis island) but they absolutely love each other and would be friends if they weren’t sisters

when they were little tho they were obviously fraternal and always wanted to look identical so they mostly dressed the same until they got to be maybe around 6-8? wide range ik but yeah

but i’m not entirely sure what the situation with bowser is like when they’re growing up but it isn’t as volatile as it currently is. the @justcallmerosey post with clementine giving me ideas tho👀

#gari draws #gari’s ocs #gari’s asks #oc: pera #oc: mela #nintendo #smb #mareach #fankid #(POINTING LOUDLY) MELA HAS ADHD #pera has a silver crown solely bc i established with their earrings that pera wears silver jewelry. thats it #her dress is sleeveless atm #and mela’s has the puffy sleeves of her mother #ish #but this was an off the cuff design nothing official #it always feels weird when i’m designing clothes for them cause like i dont want them to wear formalwear all the time but it also feels #weird for them to wear anything too casual #so stalemate #maybe i should stick with the baby drawings /j #atm they dont have a brooch but in my headcanon peach’s jewelry are all methods of dampening her magic/keeping it in check #she could rip you to shreds without them #and atm they dont necessarily need that (read: i don’t have a brooch design yet) #i mostly posted now bc i couldn’t edit the tags 🤡 #but ty for sending the ask! :^) #also these mfs take turns being the photogenic one /j

[mailjeevasfan]

hi! love your work <3 can i request some headcanons about living with matt and mello (together) it can me romantic or platonic, i dont mind either way ! tysm :)

that pic came out so low quality for some reason

thank you so much :’) i tried to do a mix and include a little bit of romance for each but i’d say it’s mainly general/platonic. i reaaaaally self indulged here

-matt and mello x gn! reader

༺♡༻

living with matt and mello hcs ❦

matt

-messy asf. he doesn’t do it on purpose but he’s just so unorganised and has a messy room and just causes chaos wherever he walks. that being said, he does know where everything is which pisses mello off SO MUCH. mello also routinely berates him for his mess

‘matt, what the hell is this on the counter?’

‘umm… the end of a cigarette?’

‘WE HAVE FUCKING ASHTRAYS FOR A REASON.’

-he is probably the one who is at home the most. he doesn’t like going outside, he just sits in and plays video games or watches tv. he only does anything productive if he reaaally has to

-that being said, you have to drag him out sometimes to avoid him getting too depressed from just sitting doing nothing for days. if you can’t motivate him then mello will gladly accept the challenge and come through without fail.

-matt is deeply appreciative of how thoughtful you and mello are, as roommates but also as friends. how well you know him, how easy it is for you to see what he needs when he’s at his lowest. once, (probably when he was drunk) and falling asleep on your chest, he expressed this out loud for the first time and you almost wanted to sob at his words. he comes off as someone who’s always so casual and sometimes maybe even awkward, so hearing this was a shock but a good one.

-if matt isn’t sleeping or sitting on the couch playing video games, he is probably lying on the floor or just doing weird shit. i can imagine mello coming home and just seeing matt doing a handstand against the wall, watching something (5 minute crafts) on his phone on the floor.

-dyes his hair often and changes up his look very frequently, so very often you find yourself following the smell of cigarettes only to the open bathroom door and find matt looking like patrick bateman due to him washing off his hair dye in the sink (cigarette still lit in his mouth, it’s basically a party trick at this point)

-whenever you have to go out he drags you back to bed and holds you as tight as he can with a smirk on his face

-whether you’re a smoker or not, you often light his cigarettes for him and it ends up being a much more intimate gesture than you anticipated. mello tells you to get a room

༺♡༻

mello

-he’s out of the house the most between the three of you but that’s kind of a given. lots of work to do you know being in the mafia and all, that kind of casual stuff…

-idk where i’m going with this or how to even explain it any more, but he always makes a conscious effort to keep alcohol in the house at all times like he is always just coming home with a bottle of something

-has lots of cool rock/metal posters in his room and when he’s not in his usual leather clothes he’s wearing band tees (u and matt steal them frequently and he pretends to be mad)

-honestly i want to say (solely for comedic effect) that he absolutely despises the smell of cigarettes in the house. you’ve never seen desperation like the kind mello exhibits when he begs matt to PLEASE SMOKE OUT OF A WINDOW.

-there is 100% a designated cupboard that is full to the brim with chocolate. all the same brand, flavour, type, whatever. literally everything. it’s all identical.

-when he’s feeling down about messing something up, even if it’s the smallest thing, he gets really really emotional and will immediately go to his room. he probably doesn’t cry often unless it’s angry tears but he doesn’t want even his most trusted people to see him like that. however you always know what to do, you leave him be but then convince him that he should let out his thoughts later, in a kind way of course. matt also helps him to feel better at times but you’re definitely there to bring him his chocolate and give him lots of hugs and kisses. he doesn’t speak too emotionally, but i can imagine a very soft ‘thank you’ after you help him

-blasts metal at 9am. no further comments

༺♡༻

both/all three of you

-matt cuts mello’s hair and mello occasionally dyes matt’s. matt gets so into it he thinks he’s a little hairdresser. they’ve also given each other piercings, they have about a 40% success rate. they’ve offered to give you one but you very politely decline. you always have to supervise in these situations because god knows what is going to happen with these two

-it is extremely common to have mini sleepovers in each others rooms. this is another thing that matt just gets a little TOO into, he wants the full shabam. he’s looking for matching pyjamas, chick flicks on the tv, endless snacks, and pillow fights. by that i mean he just starts relentlessly beating you and mello with a pillow without warning

-matt likes to shake you and mello awake at an ungodly hour and declare that you are going for a drive. he never actually plans anything for these drives, sometimes you don’t actually do anything but you enjoy them nonetheless. however it is extremely hard to get mello out of bed at a time he hasn’t decided on.

-you do the cooking, purely for everybody’s safety. mello likes to think he’s gordon ramsay but he fucks up the most basic things. matt is just a natural hazard with most things

༺♡༻

#death note #mail jeevas #mello #mihael keehl #matt #matt x reader #mail jeevas x reader #mello x reader #mihael keehl x reader #death note x reader #death note headcanons #i had to include redhead matt at some point

[starryfreckles]

Flavie and Ayumi Live (26 mai 2020 on YouTube francetv slash) 

Translation/Summary -

(I apologise in advance for the typos. i didnt really read this over tbh)

Interviewer: Where are you at the moment?

Flav: I’m at home, in my room

Ayumi: I’m at my country house in my room. [Her friend joined her there when deconfinement happen and now they’re living their best life. There’s sun and everything is good]

Flav is chilling “la vida loca” she says

Is it not too frustrating to live this 6th season in confinement and SKAM France has a reputation of having very involved fans and with the screenings?

A: Yes, its very frustrating but then again it’s something that I haven’t really lived the projections with the fans so I dont know what it does. But just the feedback of social media is incredible. Its a good preview at what can happen in a live screening.

F: Yea I agree. It is frustrating but seeing everyone on social media is kind of reassuring and comforting and like Ayumi said, we dont know that [the screenings] so its not that frustrating.

what kind of reactions have you guys had on social media?

[flav and ayumi arguing who goes first. Its the cutest thing ever. Flav always wants ayumi to go first]

A: Just love and positivity. On my end is really incredible. I thank everyone. It’s really just incredible.

F: Its so wonderful. At night, I really try to read all the dms on instagram and even if I cant respond to everyone, know that I read everything and I translate everything that isn’t in French. If I  were to reply to everyone, it would take a long time so that’s not possible. I dont speak all the languages of the world so I copy and paste is translate to understand.

-video cuts out-

I: we were talking about fan reactions so let’s continue. Have you gotten any that made you surprised, laugh, smile, made you emotional, etc?

A: what is beautiful is that ive gotten many messages from girls and boys who said that they had similar a similar relationship to Lola and Maya in the sense that one helps the other more because of addiction problems. And that’s always nice to hear that they just wanted to thank skam for writing and portraying this kind of story. And of course the reaction of la mif. It’s true the character Jo has been loved by fans. She is so funny and so great and she’s [actress who plays jo, louise] really like that in real life. Like literally from A to Z

Flav agrees.

A: “Louise just played Louise” and it’s just so funny. And everyone online says they want to be friends with jo becuase she made this joke pr did that but she’s really like that.

F: she’s always joking

A: and she just comes up with stuff on the spot

I: we really just can’t wait to see La Mif reunite and see how they are in real life because they are just awesome on screen.

Flav and ayumi agree

I: Maya’s arrival to the season that was a little intense, let’s not lie, is like a ray of light. What does that do to you for having that role of the character who brings light and wonder? (This is kinda hard to translate)

A: its incredible to bring that kind of message, like you said, this light. She is totally this kind of girl that I would love to be friend with. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so beautiful. Maybe flav has something to say.

F: it’s true that you and La Mif brought a light for everyone. Even me when I see my family and close ones they say that they are so funny and new and that they felt my pain [as lola] even if its a show and its feels weird to see you like that because you’re close to us but seeing them [lola + la mif] is a good mix. And ayumi you bring so much like when your face lights up when Lola comes up the stairs its incredible.

A: its a chemical reaction. Its incredible. But flav I saw you on screen and everything that you brought, what David saw. And we lived it but for us it seems natural and on screen and rediscovered the characters and the chemistry at the same time as everyone else.

Flav and Ayumi saying that they havent seen the whole thing before hand and are constantly check their phone for new clips. They have the notifications for the YouTube channel.

F: we at least have the hours for the clips AT LEASTT and thankfully

A: which flav sent me because I didnt have them and she left me panicked for 2 weeks and then she finally sent them over.

F: its great. They’re on my fridge and I cross off each day with my parents and we are one it. My dad everyday is like there’s a clip. So funny.

I: Just so we’re on the same page, there’s a clip today right?

I: [fan question] what do you love the most and the least in the character you play?

A: flav please start

F: I love her “who the fuck are you talking to me like that” and her fuck you attitude. I love that she shows off that nothing moves her but deep down not really, like everyone I guess. I love that about her and she’s so natural. I love her, I really love her. Something negative. That’s hard.

I: you are a very happy, bubbly person. Is there not her depressed, dark side that bothers you?

F: well lola is just full of emotions where we’re going to see everything. But really what I dont like is her fashion sense.

A: im dead. But I was going to say the same thing

F: maya’s fashion sense? You are crazy. And also girl it’s your clothes they used as costumes

A: no no but people have made edits with you know the big pink coat or my outfit at the supermarket and its there that I realised how ridiculous even if they not really.

F: well I think theyre great. Love the pink coat

A: ill send it to you with fedex. I dont have it but ill send it to you.

F: when we were doing costume fittings I told the costume designer that it was simple and that I would be stealing all of these looks. Im going to take a suitcase, im going to take ayumi’s clothes, put them in my suitcase and go back to Vance with them. And I took nothing from lola by the way. She just doesn’t have a style. She doesn’t neglect herself but its her I dont care attitude, again.

A; I love maya’s engagement and her will towards everything and everyone. Shes a teenager but that’s beautiful to be engaged in many causes. She just really wants everyone, her friends, to be well and happy. But otherwise things I dont like outside of her clothes I dont know. Clothes is like the best answer

F: you forgot about her makeup. The makeup artist did her eyeliner and dots under the eyes and I was there like do the same thing with me!

A: that is really the best thing in all of humanity. It was so cool.

F: honestly. The makeup artist gave everything on you but on me she went in the morning like poof poof ‘well that’s it honey, there’s nothing else I can do for you’

A: you forgot the drama hair!

F: oh my god. She would pour oils and everything you want on my head. “You could like cook French fries”

A: flavie says that but you know she can wear whatever she wants and still look good

F: awe I love you

I: Did the age difference between you hinder your ability to be friends?

A: no not at all. What do you think flav?

F: not at all. Im just the baby of the group, im the youngest but we all so dumb together that we don’t realise

A: exactly. We all act like we’re 7

F: all of us together is horrible. The whole mif. Intolerable.

I: how was youre guy’s first meet?

F: ok let me tell you from my point of view because its quite funny.

A: she was so annoying. She looked at me all weird. she was not cool No that’s not true at all. She was adorable. Trop cute

F: I arrive to the production offices and im with David signing contracts and he says don’t move I have a surprise. And im like oh no what has he brought me a croissant or something and he brings back ayumi. So we start talking for like 10 minutes and I did not who she was actually. And I was like who tf is this. I did not know. And im one point im like so she’s the one who plays Maya? It was so funny. It was cool. And then he brought Maxence

A: from my point of view, flavie was so shy and locked off. And I knew who she was and I was honoured and thrill. She was so small and closed off. But honestly NOT AT ALL. i quickly understood the next day that flavie is a bomb! You understand ?

F: at first maybe you were like “I just want to protect this little thing.”

I: so what was the first scene that you guys filmed together?

Ayumi makes it clear that it’s a scene that hasn’t been released yet. And Flavie can’t remember what it is.

A: flav, you are putting our whole relationship in question!

F: I just dont know!

A: ok but the second scene we did together was the scene of Saturday morning after the first urban party

F: OHHH you right! I remember now!

I: but that’s a great scene that fans loved because of the chemistry and people loved it. How did you create that complexity? Was it the writing or did you try to meet up on your own?

F: honestly, not that much because the problem is that I live in Vance. We really tried to see each other but trains made it difficult to see each other just us two, but it still worked somehow. We worked a lot with David but not so much just us too and yet we still manage to create something really strong and powerful.

A: in between scenes we also just talked all the freaking time. And by the time David said action, it was like we just finishing our conversation in the scene.

F: every morning we were always happy to see each other and we didn’t see each other that much but that honestly wasn’t a problem at all.

I: in the YouTube comments, everyone is slightly making fun of flavie for living so “far”

A: [also starts making fun of flavie] oh yea yea basically 45 minutes.

F: BY TRAIN! By car its like 2 hours and a half, so sorry.

A: you don’t even have a driver license! So you have to take the train!

F: alright I almost have my drivers license! Soon supposedly! And don’t worry ill come pick you up in my ride!

Ayumi makes more fun of Flavie for her hours of driving and her basically driving illegally (in France you can only drive at 18 and flav is 17)

I: what was the most difficult scene to film for you?

F: well im not gonna answer. I can’t answer

A: honestly I dont have any. Oh wait yes yes yes! I just remembered. Flav you do know! It’s the scene where I tell you that ive missed you.

F: oh right! You were sick right!

A: yea I had shrimp for lunch. Bad shrimp and in the scene im in process of dying. I have never been in more pain and discomfort.

F: and I was like why is she angry at me? What did I do?

A: and flav is like are you okay and thank god you were there flav because she was telling me breathe and take it slow. It was the difficult

F: for me the most difficult that we’ve seen is was hard because of weather conditions. It was so cold on the whole set but it was the one where we were around the fire and jo sees eliott for the first time, the first urbex party. We were getting fire embers in our eyes so we were all crying and complaining. It was awful. Louise was actually crying so so hard.

A: it was so funny. Louise was actually crying and was joking at the same time whilst crying. We were laughing so hard.

The say that night was still a lot of fun and then they all went to Quentin’s apartment [actor who plays sekou] and the ambiance on set is better than on screen. It was a lot of fun

A: la mif always has a great time, messing around

F: David would say “FOCUS FOCUS”

I: it was mid November, and we all know skam france shooting is very intense and fast. So David was like a police officers. We cant wait to see the behind the scenes. David in the comments says thank you to all the extras who were there until 4am

F:  oh yea honestly. Thank you– just thank you

A: oh yea flav thanks for that. Its great.

I: we know there’s a clip today with a reunion. And fans are expecting a kiss. Are we getting that moment today?

(Silence)

A: listen if there is a kiss, it will happen at a perfect moment

I: there is a lot of pressure on this kiss becuase there are so many people from the LGBTQ+ community who are saying that this kind of relationship is rarely seen on screen. Do you feel the need to do good?

F: its so well written and directed that we do want to do really well. Ok your turn

A: the want to do good, of crows but its already something we want to do. We are not forcing ourselves, because its already there.

They say that its sad for the time being that they have to continue to fight for rights in the LGBTQ community and Ayumi says that with SKAM its all going to change. They always get lovely messages thanking them.

They talk about the ship name and how fans have decided that is going to be Mayla. Ayumi is happy that its Mayla. Flav wanted Loyla. Ayumi says it was their first “fight” and they weren’t agreeing. Even la mif voted on the ship. It was heavily debated.

I: Are we right to have so much faith in Mayla or are you going to break our hearts?

F: for that you’ll have to keep watching

A: well said flav

F: l’amour gange toujours

I: what is next for you two?

F: not much. Im seeing friends at a distant. Stay safe. I was starting to miss my social life. Not going out too much because I really dont want to get “this vicious/awful thing” so yea “la vida loca”

F: project wise everything is on pause but im on a good path. Crossing my fingers. If it happens it happens. Its destiny

A: its destiny. Same thing. There was a movie that stopped before quarantine and won’t start again but there are castings. Until filming starts again, we are all waiting.

I: it’s funny, everything something is said, it gets translated in the comments in five or six languages. Have you taken something from your character and have you left them something?

A: her joy to live at everything. And give her my body to just exist

F: what I took, well nothing. I gave her 7kg more. Well actually I took from her 7kg. That’s it!

I: who forgets their lines the most?

F: ME! But you too kinda. You just talk SOOO fast you start to stutter

A: I talk too fast and then I stutter and it was so cold that that doesn’t help. So in front of flavie, she really made fun of me.

F: I didnt always forget but sometimes when its really long I forgot.

#Flavie Delangle #ayumi roux #skam france #sarah speaks french* #this took a lot longer than i thought #long post #its so long yall #im sorry

[readerinsertfanfiction]

Hey there ^.^ I have a request for Maze Runners Newt 💛 Would you maybe write something in which Reader is new to the Glade and she pretends to be a boy cause shes afraid to be the only girl in the Glade and one day (dont worry no nsfw) Newt suddenly notices that Reader has curves and is all confused like.. ???Boobs??WTF and it gets all awkward but funny when he confronts her about it because he is totally flustered now

Oh no poor Newt! 😂 It has been such a long time since I looked into the Maze Runner at all so I’m feeling a little rough. Newt definitely was a character that stood out to me, however and I enjoyed writing for him. I hope that you enjoy!

Fandom: Maze Runner

Character: Newt x Female!reader

You were one of the boys, Newt had always categorised you as such. Upon meeting he had just assumed that you were one of the lads. Without much thought he accepted you as one of the men. Never had it occurred to him that perhaps he should reel back, take a better look and put a few question marks to your habit. Your insistence to wash up alone, waking earlier than, resting only after the rest had gone to rest. One of the boys had joked that you were ashamed of your size, but Newt had told them off for that, making sure that you were comfortable with the team even if it was a little inconvenient. 

“Still up?” he questioned you one late night. Stiffening up you immediately threw your towel over your shoulders, trying to hide your chest. Not that the male noticed it, his eyes respectfully turned away from you as he stared up against the wall. 

Relaxing you let go of a hum, continuing to dry your hair as you fixed your shirt. “Yeah, Gally was taking too long,” you grimaced, remembering the sneer from the other as he told you to get over yourself. 

Sighing the male ran a hand through his hair, suddenly ageing at the thought of managing the boys. “Yeah, he has been rather vocal about the arrangements,” he admitted, eyes turning towards you shyly. “I will talk to him, maybe take the last round myself to throw off their scents,” he continued to muse, giving you a slight grimace. “That, if you trust me, of course.” 

His boyish charms and overall earnestness made you nod, feeling that you could trust the male with your safety. Newt wasn’t the type to peek, having been the most understanding of the bunch for your need for privacy. 

“In any case,” he continued, snapping you out of your thoughts. “You dropped something.” Sauntering over to a spot behind you Newt picked up a short camisole, his eyes frowning at the fabric as he stretched it. “Weird,” he mumbled before turning his attention back to you. “Looks as if it was designed to suffocate you,” he continued as he stretched his arm towards you, the binder hanging loosely in his hand. 

Blushing you pressed your towel closer to your chest, furiously wishing that he wouldn’t notice as you quickly snatched the item back. How right he was. With the sun out every day it was almost impossible to hold out in the double layers you wore, but it was the only protection you had to keep your secret. 

Newt left it as another one of your weird habits. You had plenty anyway and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen body fitting camisoles before. Just not the type you had. 

It only dawned upon him later that the binder was just one of the many signs. 

It all started with the water reservoir accident. When doing your daily inspection of the water tanks you had stumbled on the stairs, hand wildly swinging around to hold yourself upright. That anchor happened to be Newt who hadn’t been prepared at all for the sudden extra weight. Stumbling over the two of you thus fell into the waters you had been checking. 

“Are you alright?” Newt sputtered, finding that he could stand easily in the shallow water. A relief really, for the water was now wasted. Offering his hand the male wanted to pull you up, but froze as his eyes grew wide in sheer surprise. 

You were wearing the camisole. And it was a lot more revealing than he had expected it to be. 

Both drenched in water it was only a given that your flimsy shirts got a little see-through. He himself could feel his shirt and pants cling onto him, revealing every curve and angle he had. 

The same went with you. Drenched it wasn’t only the camisole outline that Newt could see, but it was the rest of your figure as well. And though the blond had always figured that you had a small waist he had never dared to make assumptions why. 

Shivering you didn’t seem to have noticed the whole revelation, your eyes meeting Newt before raising a brow. “Newt?” you tried, but received no response. Deciding to leave the male gawking at whatever he wanted you turned around, deciding to climb out of the tank yourself. 

This did wake him. 

“[Name],” he quickly called, pulling at your shoulder. “Don’t, not like… that,” he gestured at you, to which he earned another confused look. “You– Your curves are showing,” he coughed awkwardly, eyes avoiding yours as he quickly let go of your shoulder. 

Understanding befell you as well, a blush rising up your face in answer as you crossed your arms over your chest, suddenly self-conscious in front of the blond. 

“I’m guessing you don’t want the rest to find out, right?” Newt rubbed the back of his neck once more, eyes still avoiding meeting yours as he stared hard at the water. “You should wring out some of the weight, or I can fetch you a towel to cover up,” he continued feeling that he was starting to ramble as he went on. 

You silently agreed, nodding at his offer as you started to wring at your clothes, desperate to stop it from clinging onto you. 

“Anyway, it is a good thing we fell down. There is some algae forming,” he pointed at the bottom of the basin, desperate to return to the comfort that you had shared before. 

At least you could trust Newt not to tell anyone, even if he didn’t swear himself to secrecy. 

#maze runner #maze runner x reader #newt #newt x reader #Female reader #female #reader insert #reader #reader-insert #xreader #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic #movies #books

[tempolarriefix]

dig deeper tag game

thank you so much to one of my favorite people ever @goldenfive for tagging me in this q&a. ilysm! xx 1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? black gel pen is my go-to!

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? in the city. i love the feeling of everything all bustling, busy, and lit-up around me.

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? this is going to sound sort of weird but i’ve been really tempted to learn lockpicking lately? so i’ll say that haha!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? ........yes, a lot of sugar. probably “too much” sugar.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? i hadn’t thought about this series in ages but i loved The Land of Elyon series and also Dealing with Dragons. 6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! my old roommate loved baths and so i tried to get into them but its just not my thing.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? something with magical powers!

8. Paper or electronic books? i always say that i prefer paper but... when was the last time I actually read a hardcopy book? i have no idea. so truthfully, electronic.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? an oversized hawaiian style shirt with a Brave (like the disney/pixar movie) inspired design

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? i used to not really like it but now i do. (Teachers also always used to say things like “wow your parents named you serena and you really are so serene!” so that’s probably a factor). 

11. Who is a mentor to you? i’m not sure actually? I guess my professor is.

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? not really! i dont really like attention and overthink everything so i think if i were famous i’d just be stressin over every detail of everything all the time.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? nope! i’m a very deep sleeper.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? not really? i love the concept of romance and enjoy romantic movies/books/fics but when it comes to real life I feel like making things super romantic also adds a lot of pressure so i’d rather just be chill 

15. Which element best represents you? everyone says water signs are emotional and i am both a water sign and emotional so... i guess water?

16. Who do you want to be closer to? all my friends! while social distancing it’s been so different connecting with people and i feel like i’ve drifted quite a lot from the people i used to see almost every other day. 17. Do you miss someone at the moment? not any more than usual! Im always missing my long distance friends & my boyfriend.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. this is too vague idk what memory to share hahaha.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i’ll usually try anything once. i guess chicken feet is prob the strangest? 

20. What are you most thankful for? my loved ones being safe & healthy 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes but i’m sort of weak so there will be tears streaming out of my eyes even tho i’m having a good time.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i met drake bell when i was in college bc a student club i was part of hosted him for a charity concert event. he was chill and actually had a really good voice during his sound check but then he got high during his meet & greet and after that at the actual show he didn’t sound quite as good hahaha. He was super nice & even took a pic with me for free tho!

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? nope. i used to keep a planner and even that didn’t last haha

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pencil if i’m working on something where i’ll make mistakes like writing or math but pen if im just jotting down notes or whatever.

25. What is your star sign? cancer

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? soggy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? soph’s answer is literally so beautiful so i’m gonna steal it too: “that i made the world a little bit kinder and brighter and better while i was alive” 28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? i do enjoy reading but mostly i read fics! the last fic i read was adjudication by @bottomlinsons and it is FANTASTIC. the last actual book i read was the first game of thrones book. 

29. How do you show someone you love them? quality time is my love language!

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? usually! i’m drinking iced coffee as i fill this out haha

31. What are you afraid of? failure

32. What is your favourite scent? the smell of an ice cream shop when you first walk in

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they introduce themselves to me as. if they don’t, then surname.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would travel so much. if money wasn’t a factor i wouldn’t have to worry about affording to travel OR being able to take time off to do so... it would be great. i wouldn’t always choose the best value option when i purchased anything and would be able to actually support brands that have good values (sustainability, good wages for employees, etc.). i would donate to everything i’ve ever wanted to bc i always feel bad about having to pick which causes i feel most for bc i can’t afford to donate to everything. also i would drink way too much boba (which, let’s be real, i already do).

.35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean! though i guess i dont really swim so much as like... wave jump haha.

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? try to see if someone lost it and if i couldn’t find them, then keep it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? yes and of course!

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? just one? hahaha

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i have no idea but i would get it someplace hidden where no one would see it, not even me. maybe like a dot on the bottom of my foot lol. i really.... don’t want a tattoo.

40. What can you hear right now? construction noises

41. Where do you feel the safest? in bed

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? feeling like i’ll never find a career or even field of work that i’m actually passionate about and enjoy and can actually make a steady living in 43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? maybe ancient egypt? there’s a lot of cool times to go back to & i’m really indecisive haha. 44. What is your most used emoji? red heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. indecisive

46. What do you regret the most? dwelling on things that were not important and letting it affect my happiness too much

47. Last movie you saw? the warcraft movie lol. i don’t recommend it but playing warcraft is great.

48. Last tv show you watched? either greys anatomy or b99, i can’t remember which was last 49. Invent a word and its meaning idk if there’s a word for this already, but i need a word for feeling like you want to be busy and have things to do when you don’t but then not wanting to do anything when you finally do. bc thats....me. hahaha.

anyways this is pretty long so thanks if you actually read it all. if you want to do this, i’ll tag @harryeatsburger, @louandhazzalove, @bottomlinsons, @nauticalleeds, @soft1ov, @allwaswell16, @lululawrence, @forreveries, @lightwoodsmagic, @ferricadooza, and anyone else who wants to do this. i highly recommend it when procrastinating other projects hahaha.

#tag game #thanks again soph ilysmmm #long post

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

#thats way less talk than i thought id do #prolly bc i wrote half of it when it was between midnight and one AM #wait no it was 2 am #but ye #sry if shit messy af #those two are my faves tho n talkin bout em on the spot is hard cuz my brain is screaming about everything bout em at once #if u wanna get more info on em do ask i love them so much n i feel i didnt do em justice here cuz speaking is a fraud words dont exist #im glad they caught ur interest tho #nothin more gratifyin than not being the only bitch who likes his own children

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

[nowhereiswhereibelong]

73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

[ofniko]

✧ · ˚ . troye sivan? nah, that’s just nicolas “niko” palmer. you know, they’re the twenty-one year-old youtuber-turned-musician from petaluma, california… still doesn’t ring a bell ? come on, dude ! they’re all over ME.MIAMI’S homepage. it’s impossible for them to stay off of it because of the fact that they’re super mercurial & immature. they’re not all bad though, ‘cause they can be ambitious & warm-hearted too ! you can totally tell they’re a gemini… it’s almost scary. look, if you want to remember them, just think of a shiny pink vinyl skirt with pristine nails to match, designer shopping bags weighing down twiggy arms, and margaritas with extra sugar around the rim, and you’ll be golden. ( flexible pronouns, genderfluid. )

hello friends ! im!! so excited to be back 😭but for those of u i don’t know i’m lainie, she/her, cst, and i talk about stephen king too much :/ below u can find a very lazy intro with some summarized points and stuff (if you knew niko before there’s some changes to his bg, most notably his parents not being wildly wealthy), also bc it’d midterm szn i’m dealing w that this week/part of next week lmao but ill be around ! and i’ll def be here for plotting n stuff tonight so come smash a heart and ill slide up in ur dms or come hmu here or on discord (starslut#0877) whichever works best for you MWAH

background/history

niko was born and raised in petaluma, california. his dad was a wannabe entrepreneur whose tendency was to put all his time and investment money into projects that never worked or came to fruition before moving onto the next one, while his mom lazily strove to be an actress (like her sister, winona ryder) but never had the ambition or frankly talent to actually make anything happen. money from niko’s paternal grandparents as well as whatever his dad did manage to make with investments kept them afloat. they were by no means wealthy, but his parents liked to live as if they were. that meant a lot of fake china, fake brand clothing, fake diamonds, and otherwise cheap ostentation

they also didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to him. they were wrapped up in their own fantasy lives and overall, niko got a minimal amount of affection and attention from his parents who were much more impressed with their ability to find fake diamonds that looked real than their child

niko was not totally immune to the effects that kind of upbringing had on him (although it always struck him as a little weird), but the thing that saved him from becoming like his parents was his connection to his aunt, winona, and her family. as a kid niko only saw them at family events (mostly because his mom was always so bitter about her sister’s success that she hated seeing them) but as he began reaching adolescence he started making a habit of secretly going to visit a lot without his parents’ knowledge

he felt more comfortable there, more accepted (especially with his confusion surrounding gender identity and sexual orientation), and most of all, his cousin logan was his favorite person in the whole world and he looked up to her like a big sister

it was when he first started high school, around age 14, that niko finally ran away from home and showed up at the palmers’ house with a suitcase and asked to be adopted. and he was! winona took him into her home, made the adoption legal, and niko even changed his last name to reflect his new, real family

niko was so much happier in this new environment where he wasn’t brushed off as part of the furniture that he really started to flourish around then. he started experimenting with his femininity and non-gender-conforming dress styles, allowed himself room to figure out his sexuality, and even came to terms with his genderfluidity with a lot of love and support from logan and the fam

he also started his youtube channel around junior year in high school! it was mostly fashion and makeup stuff and it steadily gained a following until he had a good enough platform (and with huge help from the connections he had through winona) to jump into music, which had always been something he loved and wanted to do eventually

he released an ep the summer after he graduated high school (which was received pretty well) and finally a debut album with a major label a little more than a year later when he was twenty. the debut album was what threw niko into the real spotlight--it was all over the radio and eventually went platinum, solidifying his presence as a modern pop star with a devoted fan base

personality

gregarious and extraverted sometimes to a fault, niko can easily get on the nerves of people who don’t have the energy to keep up. he’s like a child who never quite grew out of adolescence, and with that boundless energy also comes a selfishness he’s usually unaware of. it can be very difficult for niko to be conscious of the way his actions affect other people and ends up hurting those close to him that way

in that same vein, when he does realize what he’s done, he’s more often than not consumed with guilt over it and will go to great lengths to try and resolve the issue

not that he always does a good job

he sleeps around a lot mostly because he enjoys it, but partly because he doesn’t know how to have a relationship. the lingering adolescence makes it so he doesn’t have the necessary awareness of another person’s needs to be in a stable relationship and he manages to a large degree to convince himself he doesn’t care and prefers being single anyway

besides music, fashion is his favorite thing in the world and though he doesn’t wear a lot of makeup on the daily, he definitely dabbles and has a lot of fun experimenting

catch him exploring the city and taking pictures, partying, clubbing, brunching, and shopping on the regs and if he’s in a Mood, you can usually tell bc he goes on shopping binges and fusses to an extreme degree over his appearance

also he volleys back and forth between dyeing his hair platinum blond and then going back to his natural brown

connection ideas

gal and gay pals :’) for fashion and shopping and instagram photoshoots

also a best friend ride or die pleaSE and thank u

i need enemies and angst and drama so give me everyone who hates niko/thinks he’s a fake bitch/can’t stand him/his music

high school connections are cute so maybe someone he didn’t get along w back then and does now/vice versa where they were rly close and something turned them against each other and now it’s world war 3 (assuming they grew up in cali!)

COLLABS ??!!!!!!! on music ofc but also possibly youtubers etc he worked with back when he was mainly on there before he released his album

umm!!!! someone who like they DONT get along usually and everyone knows they’re weird frenemies but they VIBE SO HARD when theyre drunk and partying

an ex or two who probably lasted maybe like 3-4 months and it didn’t work out either bc they cheated on niko (would love this angst) OR bc niko was too flaky for them and they couldn’t handle the way niko doesn’t rly understand intimacy and broke it off OR!!! they got really clingy and niko broke it off himself

those were probably referenced on his album and also i’d love to plot specific things that inspired some of his songs

someone who can challenge!! that!! and it’s freaking niko out bc he’s starting to catch Feels but doesn’t know what to do w it/doesn’t know if they feel the same way

PR stuff please thanks!!!!!

maybe like gyeurhus someone he’s a big fan of but they have no idea who he is

vice versa where they’re a huge fan of niko and he’s completely unaware of them

someone who produces his music P L E A S E bc i see niko writing the lyrics but someone else actually doing the sound production and helping with the music writing process etc

#ritzyintros #intro #im!!!!!!!! such a disorganized mess good luck reading this :)

[lifeawoke]

senses and other oddly specific headcanons.

tagged by: @tiimedtm​, my fave muppet enthusiast tagging: @wrotebooks​ @angelnue​ @dnbrough​ @dubovoye​ (for elwin!!)  @gatalnta​ & you :) go crazy ahhh go stupid ahh

1. what does your muse smell like?  realistically she stinks bc it’s the early 1800s and daily baths weren’t a thing yet but we say fuck realism on this blog & natasha showers. also, although she’s definitely not as much of a francophile as many other russian elites were in her time, natasha has taken a liking to some of the more french perfumes that her grandparents occasionally send her so she often smells vaguely of assorted flowers. 

2. what does your muse’s hands feel like?  soft-ish. she uses lotions/creams daily and doesn’t do much that involves her overworking her hands. but still she plays piano, plays rough, and does a lot of dumb stuff that would affect how her hands feel. and russia is cold, so they dry out often and probably wouldn’t be crazy soft. 

3. what does your muse usually eat in a day?  her family, although they are, again, russian elites, aren’t as into french culture as many other familes were. a lot of the food they ate on a normal day is traditional russian stuff with french twists so its ~fancy~– so lots of beets, starchy stuff, A LOT of tea... like samovar always open and ready, drink out of fancy samovar thats only meant to be ornamental amounts of tea. and they had money so probably a lot more meaty stuff that the average peasant/serf (i forget what they were called in russia). but when guests are over, which is rlly often, she does have a lot more of the same food and more stuff that would’ve been french so a lot of pastries... a snail maybe? pheasant? i haven’t done all my research on this but yeah. beets, starch, tea, meat, DESSERT.

4. does your muse have a good singing voice? technically it’s a flawed voice but it’s charming in a very listenable way... and mind you, she’s been taught classically, but she would very much be a novice in the realm of opera, which would have been closer the type of singing that people would expect from her. it’s not a very mature voice, which is part of the problem, and it’s not particularly high so she’s not really impressing anyone with skill, but rather with her tone and honestly her stage presence. natasha has a way of making you want to listen when she sings. so does she have a good singing voice? yeah, it’s not bad at all. but you don’t really ask natasha to sing because you think she’s going to blow you away, you ask natasha to sing because she’s a joy to watch. 

5. does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks? natasha finds herself in a lot of. not-so-great relationships & friendships. ultimately it has a lot to do with the fact that she can be a bit of a difficult person to be in a relationship with... natasha kinda commands a lot of attention and needs a lot of confirmations that the people she surrounds herself with still love her and still want to spend time with her. and she clings to the past wayyy too much. her nervous tick is straight up crying anytime she feels anything close to nervousness.

6. what does your muse usually look like/wear? oh yeah she likes the fashionable french stuff with the super high waistlines and buns, but she likes it when her mom and sonya add russian patterns to them and make them look more folksy. she wears white because all women wore white back then, it was super in style. but she’ll also wear light & pastel versions of other colors, especially yellow, beige-ish colors. the most vibrant things you’ll see on her is flowers somewhere in her outfit or hair and the designs. this doesn’t apply to some other verses, like the modern verse, where she’s rlly into that girly instagram girl kinda dress where the clothes are all flowy and flowery and colorful, the tsarina verse where shes literally a queen so she obv. wears way more white as well as more expensive things like bright colored dresses & crowns & such, and the unofficial time travel verse that exists in my head with @tiimedtm​ where natasha wears jason’s clothes bc she cant wear napoleanic stuff in like. the future. 

7. is your muse affectionate? how much? how so? HELL YEAH BAEBEE ITS HER #1 TRAIT. she’ll always reach for hands, faces, waists just to be touching someone. natasha’s big on eye contact too, which might be weird for some people but feels really intimate for her. she’s always gonna be the one to reach in for kisses or for a hug... almost always a little spoon & will force the other person to grab her tight but if she is a big spoon she’ll fucking suffocate someone with closeness. when natasha’s with people, she’s really with people.  partly cause she’s all horned up but i’m not going into it for reasons including the law, creepiness, and also i dont want to. 

8. what position does your muse sleep in? on her side depending on which is least cold, two pillows under her head, one in her arms. she used to have to share a bed with sonya so she got used to sleeping on her side because otherwise she would definitely starfish out and push sonya off the bed. 

9. could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room? YES.

#guess who just learned that decorational is not a word #♥ – » musings. trsl. размышления.

[taltos-seidmadr]

I was tagged in a “Answer questions, tag people” thing by @apocalypticglitter so now I must oblige my civic duty! Thank you for tagging me!

Answer 17 questions (+1 because 18 is my favourite number) and tag 17 people (if you can)

Nickname: Sithi Sun sign: Sagittarius Height: I’m like... Three stacked cans of whoop ass. In a trench coat huge sweater. Hogwarts House: the valid one aka. Hufflepuff (Don’t @ me) Last thing I googled: BULL FROGS?! This is @mkingamess ‘s fault. I was curious how big they really are Favourite musicians: UHHHMM this is a super hard question for me to answer tbh cause my taste in music fluctuates daily. I will give a shoutout to some musicians/albums that I can think off the top of my head and imo don’t get enough recognition:

If you are into industrial metal/EDM type of shit, Hatari is really fucking lit. Some may know them from the Eurovision already. I just accidentally stumbled into them via the Discover Weekly on Spotify like half a year before the competition

The Magic Got Killed by Too Tangled - literally the two most attractive voices in the world, listening to this always makes me feel painfully bisexual

The self titled and only album of Fear and the Nervous System is is a curious experience. I have literally never heard anyone in my life sing with as much harrowing intensity and passion as this singer, to the point that I don’t even know if I would call it singing anymore... but it does work and fold into the instrumentals very well, creating a rather unique mood. Genuine “Let me wallow in my depression for an hour before I move on” kind of music. It might click with you, might not. But I do think it’s very underrated. 

Pagans in this corner of tumblr I think would enjoy the shit out of Faun, they got many good songs but my absolute fave is Egil’s Saga

Song stuck in my head: 

Probably best young scrolls track to date. Spits more fire than the Red Mountain, yo. 

Following: around 300 Followers: just passed 1k(?! That’s a lot?! Should I do like, a giveaway or something) 🤔 Amount of sleep: What a weird question... I slept about 7 hours last night. Lucky number(s): 3, 7, 8, 18 Dream job(s): illegal back-alley cyberpunk prosthetics designer/repairman (dont have the qualifications or the technology but one can dream) bog body that starry-eyed semi-feral singers write songs about (possibly attainable?) village cryptid (probably already achieved the status but unfortunately not getting paid for it) artist (I’m doing this one, so hooray!)  Wearing: I’m in my sleepwear already lol. It’s a pair of wide comfy black pants, and a big moss green shirt with a geometric pattern (there used to be gold and silver paint on it but that unfortunately faded out, now it’s just black).  Favourite songs: My answer is same as above really... Idk harrass me in my askbox maybe I will recommend you some songs.  Instruments played: I could play a little guitar at a time, but I’ve forgotten most of it.

Hey, this is only 15! I will add 3 more:

Something that I’m not good at but thoroughly enjoy: Videogames, hands down. My motoric skills and reaction times are less than desirable, lol. Nevertheless I’m a huge gamer and I just love to immerse myself in imaginary worlds. My favourite Halloween costume ever: I once recreated this dress from scratch with a fairly acceptable degree of accuracy My favourite myth of the god(s) I worship (if doesn’t apply, your favourite folk tale): I fear this is going to be an unoriginal answer, but seriously... could anything top Thrymskvidha?

Fun facts:

When I was born, I almost died.

In spite of my entire family being devout Christians, I remember believing in some form of reincarnation at such an early age that I had no business knowing what the word reincarnation even means. I was in fact very convinced at a time that I’m either one of my great-grandparents on my mother’s side, or from the generation before that. (Now that my religion is what it is, honestly I don’t really know if this is true or not. But I thought this back then for some reason.)

I’m left handed.

Before moving to Germany, I sang in choirs my entire life, some of which were fairly professional level, I guess? We would go to international competitions and stuff. 

I don’t know if this was a weird coincidence or the spirit world itself shifted reality around me to protect me, but I somehow never heard the Frozen theme song in its entirety. In my life. Not one time. Not even when it was on the radio non-stop. If I managed to catch it somewhere, it was always when it was just about to end. 

I used to want to be a professional animator, but when I grew up and researched about the profession more, it didn’t seem like it was worth the hassle. Regardless I’m still obsessed with animation, I watch cartoons all the time and I would like to teach myself how to animate even if just on an amateur level. 

I have no idea how to tie a shoe with only one bunny ear. I was taught the two bunny ears method and that’s all I’ve ever known.

Some things that I associate with Loki that have absolutely nothing to do with the lore or anything include snow, a very specific shade of blue, roses, cherry (but only the scent or flavor, not the fruit) and various forms of iridescence.

Like probably all kids who are into metal, I also dreamed of becoming a rockstar a little bit, but more interestingly, in my fantasy I was going to be blindfolded on stage and I thought that would be my schtick as a performer, for some reason. Of course the cloth would have to be sheer in order for me to be able to see just enough to orient myself on stage. It’s somehow both hilarious and bone-chilling to look back on now, that another and actually kind of obvious solution to the orientation issue never occurred to me on my own

The green shirt mentioned above is the only green piece of clothing I own.

I don’t believe in astrology. :/ (Sorry...?) 

When I was a kid, I entered a nationwide contest to write a faux folk tale and my tale made it to the semifinals. 

The only “what is your favourite” type of question I can give a straightforward answer to is what my favourite book is. It’s The Neverending Story by Michael Ende (who would have thought!)

I knew I was nonbinary my entire life, but I only learned that there is a word for it when I was 25.

Besides my native Hungarian, English, and a little German that I speak, I also learned Japanese and Norwegian (in highschool and during university, respectively) both for 3 years each, and I was on roughly B1 (low intermediate) level in them at my best. I don’t remember much of Japanese, and I only understand a little Norwegian when it’s in front of me to read, but once German is no longer the priority, I would like to relearn them at least a little bit. 

One of my completely useless talents is that if we talk to each other and I have a drink in my hand, I will somehow supernaturally detect it from your brainwaves when you are about to tell a funny joke and will attempt to drink just beforehand. This has happened so often that I can now suppress the instinctive urge to try to swallow the drink halfway wrong and choke on it. If you were planning to assassinate me this way, it would not work.

The reason why 18 is my favourite number is because my life seems to be entwined with it in a weird, almost supernatural way. For example an unnaturally large number of things that are important to me (including my birth) happened on the 18th of a month. 

Since there is no Halloween party I’m going to this year, I don’t have a specific costume but I will definitely take my make up kit regardless and go absolutely feral with it just to be in the Halloween spirit a little bit. 

Whew man... it was really tough to come up with 18. I’m more boring than i thought.

I tag:

@mkingamess @ragnarokfox @forest--walker @quietdedication @spellbookofthelostandfound @ast-heljar @cloudy-skyes @d-em-t @suilebhride @edderkopper

Anyone who wants to fill this out can consider themselves tagged as well. Tag my name in it too so I can read it. 

#sithi's posts

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #long post #jesus christ sorry for the infodump #Anonymous

[b1a4seeyou]

Hacked Your Heart

Summary: They say that fate brings people together no matter how far apart they may be, but what if that fate separates these two people quicker than it should be. As Haneul tries to bear with her everyday lives herself, how will she embrace this tragic ending she’ll face?

Genre: A N G S T with a pinch of fluff.

Rating: None but do embrace with its wonderful “ending“ :3c

Note: I hope you dont mind me ruining the mood with this long angsty fic huihui.This is for @saeyoungweek‘s day 3 prompt, identity. Idk if it is related to it but I’m just winging it lol. Anyways, I had this in my draft for SO LONG like idk when I’ll post this, and when I saw the Saeyoung week thing is coming, I just HAD to shove this in here, hehehehe. The character names are originally from my previous fics so I just reused the names to make my life more easier. Enjoy ;3c

“I have never thought that my life will change after this.” Time passes by as the memories of her late beloved dances in her little mind which made her felt empty. Ever since that incident, she had never gone out of her apartment nor go socializing with her neighbors who are worried of her absences and health. All she ever done was crying, mourning and whining for that one person she wanted in her life. This had all started when she met him back in a few months.

Song Haneul, a normal everyday woman, would always leaned by the doorway frame and wondered who is this person that lives right in front of her, everyday, every night. A door room numbered ‘707’, never been opened but the lights from underneath the door were never went off. She suspected whether this room was possessed or there’s no owner who lives here, but from the other neighbors she had heard, there’s a suspicious man inside the room who locked himself in there and never came out ever since he moved in. A man, she thought. What if he’s a shut in? What if he works late at times when people had gone to bed? What if he is just too shy to talk with people? Questions that never been answered kept piling in her mind until a little girl interrupted her thoughts. “Omma, I’m ready for school. Can we go now?” “Oh! It’s time already? Sure, let’s go.”

Ji Hye, the name of the girl, was her so-called adopted child who she found her near a dark alley at the back of her apartment. She was only 4 years old back then. No one was there and she kept crying out the word ‘mother’ several times. Haneul sent the child to the police but it’s been several days, no one even came to pick her up. Haneul can’t bear to leave her be so she took care of the little girl as her own.

 Haneul took her coat and keys then headed outside. Ji Hye had went ahead, waiting her from the stairs. As she tried locking the front door, she sensed that someone was watching her. She looked around but there’s no sign of any human presences. Weird, she whispered. But she shrugged it off and ran off to meet up the little girl.

Few hours had passed, the sun has go down and lights had illuminated the streets. Haneul just arrived home with Ji Hye, who’s jumping around and talking about her school days. Haneul didn’t mind with how enthusiastic the child was, so she just listened through, even though she’s very tired with her work. She turned on the television to the news channel and preparing for dinner. Just she was about to start working on the coffee machine, she heard the female news reporter reading about today’s news. “On today’s report from the police investigators, the on-going case about the missing stolen confidential documents stating that the suspect is a hacker among us. The detective of this case added the suspect would strike again if they can estimate the right time and date.-“ Oh gosh, this is getting more worse. Hopefully they catch the suspect sooner or things would get disastrous, Haneul said in her thoughts as she focused her eyes to the news.

While she was waiting for her coffee, the child pulled the hem of her skirt with a curious expression. She crouched down and asked, “Yes, Jihye?“ “Omma, why don’t I have a father?” Haneul was surprised with Ji Hye’s question but instead she giggled, “Why are you saying that? Not all families has a father. Some had passed away, some had been divorced….” “But you said you’re my adoptive mom. Why don’t I have an adoptive dad?” Haneul went speechless. She actually was expecting this kind of discussion might come to her, knowing she adopt Jihye out of pity. She averted her gaze from the child, trying to think of something that won’t cause any trouble. She then looked to face the child and stroke her head, “I’ll try to think about it.“

Once Jihye went to bed, Haneul tried to finish up her work that night but she was too distracted with the previous conversation. A father huh? She sighed again and ruffled her hair. “I better go get some fresh air,” while walking towards the coat stand, took her coat and left the house to the rooftop. At that moment, a cricking sound of a door opening was heard by Haneul but as she turned around, no sign of a door opened. Just flat closed doors sticking to the wall. “Ooookay, that’s scary. Probably the wind or something.,” she said and continued walking upstairs. As she disappeared, again, the cricking door sound was heard and appeared a red-coloured hair, popping out of the opening.

At the rooftop, Haneul was leaning on the railings and stared at the night scenery of the city around her apartment. Even though she felt calm out there, but the thought of finding a father for Ji Hye’s sake still bothers her mind. ‘Did she really mean that or maybe she was joking around?’ she thought. ‘Aaah!! This is really trying to mess my head. I knew this might come to me but never knew it could this soon. Finding a father for her is one job, getting into a relationship is WORSE.’ But then, she suddenly thought of that door with the number ‘707’ The door that was never been opened, never a person behind that door was outside NOR she ever talk with the owner. ‘Huh, strange. Why am I suddenly thinking about that?’ As she focused on the night scenery,...

“Song Haneul. 23 years old. Born in Gwanju and moved here for work purposes. Status: Single. Appearance: Pure, baby face, long hazel-coloured hair, tall as a bird flies to the air but lands on a tree because it’s too tired. Haha~.” “HUH?!” She turned around and there he was. Red messy hair, golden-like eyes behind those tiger-striped glasses, unique designed hoodie with a pair of headphones around his neck. She was speechless and still blinking at the guy’s figure. Just a few second stare, he walked over to her, She too tried to step back from him, and offered his hand. “Saeyoung. Choi Saeyoung. Never seen a pretty girl in this area, until I laid my eyes on you.”, and winks. She hesitated for a moment, not feeling like she could trust this guy but seeing Saeyoung with that enthusiastic smile, she shook his hand. “Guess I don’t need to tell mine. Haha.” Saeyoung released his hand and walked over to the railings, enjoying the night scenery. “Man, never expect the city to look so big.” She’d been staring at him, wondering who is this unknown person in front of her. Never seen him among the neighbors she met, until she recalled the man’s name. ‘Choi Saeyoung......Hold on-!‘ She remembered her landlord stating someone moved here with that name, and there’s only one apartment that everyone knows which was occupied with a newcomer. “Wait, are you-“, Saeyoung turned to lean on the railings with crossed arms and interrupted Haneul. “If you’re wondering where I came from, then your guess is right. I’m the person from number 707.“

Haneul’s eyes widen. So it is him! She finally get to see his figure for the first time. She looked at him from top to bottom and gave out a sigh of relief. A curious expression was on Saeyoung’s face so he waited until Haneul spoke, “I firstly thought you might be an old man, sitting in his home for decades. Guess my expectation was wrong.“ Saeyoung laughed at her joke. Both of them stare to the outside world in silence, until Haneul decided to ask him, “But wait, how do you know much about me? We never met and I never told you anything about me.“ Saeyoung stroked his chin and answered, “Well, you probably slipped some private information about you somewhere and I found it.“ “Wait what?!“ and she hurriedly checked her pockets, making Saeyoung laughed in amusement. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I’m actually an investigator so I looked through your personal information from the files.“ Haneul sighed in relief. So much for a serious joke like that. They then started making introductions and conversations about random stuff until they realized its a little late. “Ah. I should head back now. I don’t want to leave her alone.“ “Her?“ “Oh, you might not know but I have a daughter. Not my actual daughter though, I adopted her out of pity and as a mother, it’s my job to look out for her.“ She brushed off her coat and faced Saeyoung, “Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr Choi. This probably is our first time seeing each other so welcome to the neighborhood.“ Saeyoung scratched the back of his neck with embarrassment, “Please, just call me Saeyoung. Our age is pretty much close.“ She nodded and turned to head home.

Few days had passed since the sudden meeting. Haneul was preparing for lunch until a sudden door bell was heard. “I’ll get it!“, Jihye shouted enthusiastically. Jihye took the stool beside the door and peeped through the peep hole. “Umm, Omma.....Is this your friend?“ Curious, Haneul wiped her hands with a cloth and peeped through the hole. ‘Oh!’ She then opened the door to reveal the red-haired man. “Saeyoung! Didn’t expect you’re gonna come by.“ “Well, we’re only just a few steps apart haha. Plus, I was gonna ask if I could ask for food.“ He scratched his hair in embarrassment. Haneul was a little confused when Saeyoung’s stomach rumbled in cue. Jihye laughed quietly while Haneul’s lips formed a small smile. “Well, we were just preparing for lunch. You’re welcome to join us.“ She said and gestured him to come inside. Saeyoung looked around the place while Haneul went back to cooking. Once Saeyoung sat on the couch, Jihye jumped on his lap and convinced him to play with him. He looked at Haneul and she just gave a nod of approval.

The food was served and everyone started digging in. Saeyoung was impressed with the food and gave all the compliments to Haneul, which made her feel embarrassed. “Wish I could eat these everyday. Though, I can’t really cook much at home and I only ate chips hehe.“ Jihye then spoke up, “Why not come by if you feel hungry? Omma made the best foods in the world! Right, Omma?“ Haneul was a little hesitated but since Saeyoung is her neighbor, she wouldn’t mind at all. After all, neighbors gotta help each other. “Sure. Just swing by if you want.“ She gave him an approval nod which made Saeyoung cried with joy.

(Pst~ I recommend you to listen to this for this part~)

From then on, Saeyoung would occasionally came by to her place twice a week. Sometimes, he would hang out to play around with Jihye because of Haneul’s busy work schedule. As time pass, he had been coming pretty often like this is his second home. One day while Saeyoung was playing with Jihye, the little girl suddenly asked him, “Mr Saeyoung, you came here a lot lately. Do you by chance liked Omma?“ Haneul almost choked on her coffee and Saeyoung was kinda shocked but ruffled the girl’s hair, “Aww, you little cute princess. You’re really too young to ask that haha.“ But both the adults took a quick glance while smiling to each other. The more Saeyoung came by, the more Haneul’s heart started to feel warm and fuzzy. She’ll sometimes feel like her heart started to call out for him, her mind started to think of him everyday, her hands would sometimes tried to touch him. At some time, Jihye and Saeyoung slept on the couch, tired from all the playing. Haneul covered them with a blanket but paused to look at Saeyoung’s peaceful sleeping face. She wanted to confess her true feelings to him but sometimes the timing isn’t right. Without thinking, she leaned onto his face and gave a peck on the cheek. She felt a sudden touch on the back of her head, realizing she woke him up. She was about to apologize but Saeyoung shaked his head and whispered, “You kissed the wrong spot.“ And his lips were on hers.

But after what happened, Saeyoung suddenly stopped coming to her place. She thought maybe because of that day but she received a call from him, saying something major at the station so he had to stay there and help out. She would be lying if she said she won’t miss him but everyone has their own work to focus on so she had to understand it. Days to months, she hasn’t seen him ever since. She tried to visit him but every time she knocks the door, no sounds or reply was heard from the other side, not even the light underneath the door. ‘Maybe he did stayed at the station. I’ll try to check on him soon.’

One day, she decided to go grocery shopping. As she walked along the street, televisions from an electronic store was showing the recent news reports. “Here reporting, the police are now tracking the hacker who is behind the stolen documents. The chief leading this gave a few words that the suspect is now hiding in the abandoned government building. The police are now surrounding the building and ready to encounter the suspect. We’re now witnessing the activities of the capture.“ The droid then showed the building being surrounded with police cars with their sirens. ‘Ohmygod.’ Haneul covered her mouth in shock. Suddenly, her phone started ringing and without looking at the number, she answered. “Hello?“ “It’s me.“ Haneul almost felt like dropping to her knees once she heard the person she missed so much but she steadied herself by leaning on the wall. “Saeyoung! Are you okay?! I heard the news that the police are catching the suspect.“ “Yeah, I’m fine...........Well, for just awhile.“ His sudden change of tone from the phone made Haneul anxious and nervous. “S-Saeyoung?“ “Listen here, Haneul. We......I.......don’t think I’ll be seeing you again.“ “W-Wait, what are you saying? I’m sure everything’s al-“ “It’s not, Haneul.“ He sighed, “I just wanna ask you a favor. Please, forget about me. Forget about me being in your existence. It’s for the best for the both of us.“ “No! I don’t understand why you would say that. I know you can come back in one piece. You’re an investigator-“ “I’m sorry.“ Haneul can hear the sounds of his sulking from the other side of the phone, “I’m sorry, Haneul. I.....lied. I’m not an investigator. I’m not even with the police.“ “Wait.......Then-“ “I’m sorry but........I’m the person they wanted. I’m the hacker they’re looking for. I had to fake my identity and stay hidden so no one would find out about me. And I’ll be honest, from the day I first stepped into my new place, I’ve seen you looking at my direction so often. I firstly thought you’re maybe one of them so I installed a small CCTV but the more I see you look at me, the more my mind told me you’re someone to be trusted. So I digged through all your personal information, trying to get to know you better and made my first step on finally talking to you. I was really happy to get close to you. You’re the first person who made me feel like a normal person.“ As Haneul listened, she dropped herself to the ground, holding on her tears from flowing. “So I beg of you, forget about me. So you don’t have to suffer from the pain.“ “NO, SAEYOUNG! If I forget about you, what about our memories together? You’re the first person who I ever love and you’ll always be, no matter who you are. Please......Live......For me.“ “I’m sorry, Haneul. I did terrible things in my previous lives. It’s better if I end this myself once and for all. It was a pleasant feeling to finally meet you-“ “No.“ “- and finally loved you.“ “Saeyoung no!“ “We’ll meet again someday.” “SAEYOUNG NO!“ “Goodbye........Nae sarang.“ “SAEYOUNG!“ But it didn’t reach him as he ended the call. Just a few seconds later, she heard an explosion from the televisions. She quickly got up from the ground and watched as the building crumbled to the ground. ‘Saeyoung...........Saeyoung......No......‘ As she witnessed this, she dropped to her knees and let the tears flow from her eyes, not caring the people looking at her direction. She can feel her heart crushed to pieces and her breathing went rapidly fast. She bend herself to the ground and shouted the name of the man she’s desperate to see again.

#saeyoungweek #Mystic Messenger #Choi Saeyoung #Angst #OH BOY HERE WE GO #LET US SUFFER TOGETHER #This is like the longest one shot fic I ever wrote so please BEAR WITH ME #And the fact one character has to die I'm so mean #Eunhwa writes

[nc-ten-scenarios]

Request: Hiya:) can I request a Johnny fluff where he gets his first tattoo as his birthday gift. And you start teasing him because he was whining about how much it hurts? Please Thank you 😊✨

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day another dollar was the motto of Seoul tattoos, a hidden gem among the Gangnam area. You started working there at the age of 18 starting off at a decent wage, but quickly working your way up through the ranks and landing yourself in the top five tattoo artist in your area.

The shop you worked in wasn’t very big, only having room for about 7 artists in total. Not a ton of availability, especially for you. Yes being in the top five was an incredible achievement, especially with you only being a couple of ears into the business, but it came with the not so great perks. Being booked months upon months in advance, sketching designs non-stop for customers day in and day out, waking up at the ass crack of dawn to finish a sketch, buying tons of erasers, pencils, paper, and markers because of how many of each you’ve gone through. It was exhausting in a way, but it was all worth it because of the immense satisfaction you got when the colors were blended and lines were smooth pulling together the design and the customers smile and words “I love it” were what made it all worth it.

~~~

“Hey y/n how are you? Long morning?” Your coworker and good friend josh greeted you as he came in for his afternoon clients. Josh wasn’t your typical tattoo artist guy. Sure he was over six foot and had plenty of tattoos visible that gave him the majority over your own tattoos, but beneath the ‘tough’ exterior was a literal puppy. He looks intimidating, but equals like a little girl when he’s scared and 'secretly’ loves cats and chihuahuas. In a summary he’s a huge fluff ball and softy.

“Good afternoon josh it’s been going well thanks for asking. Had three clients just this morning and I got one more this afternoon before I get to go home and relax.” You replied flashing him a quick million watt smile before glancing back down at the sketch pad of your nearly complete design.

“I thought you had that done weeks ago. You k ow when he scheduled it?” Josh peered over your shoulder to glance at the magnificent sketch you had created for your afternoon client.

You shrugged. “I thought so too. But you know me always not satisfied. I’m just adding a few more details to really tie it together you know?”

“Yeah I know miss precision.” He folder his eyes before sauntering off into the employee room.

You heard the distinct crinkle of your bag of snacks from the employee room.

“Josh dont you even think about it!” You shouted as his head popped out form the doorway and a pot already adorning his lips.

“Aww please y/n? I just want one snack!” He whined loudly causing you to roll your eyes at his dramatic facade.

“Fine! But just one bag I’m saving those for tomorrow!”

A squeal left his lips as he proceeded to rip the bag open and steal a small bag of chips before prancing down the hall to his station.

You sighed at his weirdness before turning back to your sketch to add the last couple of pencil strokes.

You had just set your pencil down when the bell on the door dinged making you aware of the client now inside the parlor.

“I’ll be with you in a minute.” You announced before ducking behind your station to grab your client book. You popped back up, book in hand, and proceeded to walk toward the waiting area all while flipping through the book to your afternoon appointment. Your eyes scanned the page until the landed on that one name that was scheduled for 3 o'clock pm.

No. Way.

You blinked a few times at the name scribbled on your page, thinking you had misread it. You counted to three eyes closed and opened them and yup the name was still the same.

Sprawled out in neat handwriting was Johnny Seo aka your ex-boyfriend. You two hadn’t ended in bad terms per say. They just weren’t ideal terms. Long story short you had dated before his debut and when he did debut he was forced to break up with you and you haven’t talked since. To be accurate it’s been only a few months since the break up, but it was still fresh in your mind the way he had asked you to meet at your favorite cafe as a couple one evening. You could tell he was nervous as his hand were wrung together on the table and his eyes wouldn’t meet yours. You remember the way you placed your hand in top of his, trying to get his eyes to meet yours and when he finally did, you could tell something was gonna happen. He took a deep breath and told you straight up “Y/n we need to break up. Management thinks I would be more appealing if I was on the market.” The shock you felt was unbelievable. Your emotions just went numb as you released his hands as if the words he said were a force shoving you back. His eyes stared into yours in sorrow silence, waiting for you to say something. You stayed silent processing the information before standing up flashing a weak smile that said it’s okay as he tried To apologize and you turns and walked out of the cafe not looking back. Once you had gotten home the waterworks switch flipped as the realization of being in a relationship was gone, shattered to pieces like your heart.

Back to the present your head snapped up to see the same lovely smile adorning his lips as he looked back at you.

'Don’t smile at me.’ You thought. 'It’s only going to make me realize my feeling I still have for you.’

You cleared your throat, forcing the lump down and flashing a million dollar smile that could fool anyone. “Mr. Seo, 3 o'clock appointment?” You surprised even yourself with how strong your voice came out.

Johnny nodded his head in affirmation before you gestured for him to follow you back to your station.

You sat down in your artist chair before motioning for him to sit across from you in the client chair. “Okay Mr. Seo first tattoo in black and white, no filling, no color. Is that correct?”

Johnny nodded an affirmative again hoping you would just look up at him.

“Me. Seo I’m gonna need your ID and would. You like to pay now or later?” You busied yourself with grabbing the calculator for price and your other notebook full of transactions.

Johnny didn’t reply, he just stared at you. How did you the girl who was so bubbly and bright and absolutely hated formalities form into the girl you were now?

You waited for a response that wouldn’t come. You sighed as you mentally counted to three before looking up and seeing johnny’s intense stare directed at you. You two had a stare down until he finally broke the silence.

“What’s with the formalities? You never called me or anyone by their last name or surname before. What’s changed? Where’d my y/n go?” He whispered staring intently into your eyes not allowing you to look away and face the question head on.

“I’m in a work place Mr. Seo and I always use formalities with a client-”

“No you don’t. You’ve never used formalities with a client because you make them feel comfortable. So why are you using them now on me? We’re still friends y/n.” He cut you off.

You sighed knowing he wouldn’t let you continue until you called him by his real name and you wanted to be out of the parlor by 5.

“Johnny. Can we please just get to the tattoo-”

“Say it again.” He interrupted once agin.

You blinked owlishly at him. “What?”

“Say it again. Sag my name again.” He repeated.

“Johnny I don’t have time for this. I need your ID and form of pay please so I can start on your tattoo.” You turns to grab your notebook and when you spun back to face him a grin was adorning his features in the most adorable way. Without a word he grabbed his wallet handing you his card and ID watching as you scanned them before returning them to him. You went to return your notebook but felt a grip on your hand, soft but firm, hold you there.

A thumb caressed the back of your hand slowly as if he was transferring he feeling of your skin to his memory to cherish.

You slowly pulled your hand free from his grip and returned your supplies before grabbing the stencil and laying it on his arm, the place where he desired the design to be. You slipped York gloves on and filled the machine with black ink to start. You made sure the needle was working before taking a peek at Johnny’s face that was trying to be calm. You smiled lightly as he tried to act tough before laying a gently gloved covered hand in his arm.

“Johnny are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine. Why?”

“Well I haven’t even started and you are starting to look nervous. Are you sure you want to do this? You know it’s there forever.”

“Yeah I’m sure. Now or never right?”

You grinned at his facade before patting his arm and starting up the machine to start tattooing. You brought the needle closer to his arm before glancing up as his face seeing his eyes squeezed shut waiting for the unavoidable pain. You quickly reached behind you grabbing your blue stress ball and leaving it in his palm. His eyes opened at the feeling of a squishy object in his hand and he turns to you with a confused expression.

“It’s to help distract you from the pain. Squeeze as hard as you would like. I’m gonna start now alright?” You said watching as he nodded and rested his head back before inhaling and exhaling deeply to calm down.

With his affirmative you whirred up the machine and began to tattoo his desired design onto his skin.

~~~ “All done.” You announced as you took a cloth and began to wipe off the remaining ink and blood that wasn’t supposed to be there.

“It’s over?” Johnny questioned eyes opening.

You glanced up at his face and was surprised to see his eyes rimmed light red and the tears misting about. You took off your gloves and reached up to wipe at his eyes to clear the tears.

“It’s over. You made it through Johnny. How do you like it?” You asked as you grabbed a mirror to show him the finished design.

“Wow it’s incredible. Thank you y/n.” He gawked at the mirror hand hovering over the design.

You gently grabbed his hand and moved it away form the red skin before wrapping the tattoo and handing him instruction on what to do for the next week.

“Make sure you don’t get it wet for a few days then wash it after the third day. Put this cream on it afterwards and don’t put it in salt water. Come back if you have any problems okay?” You questioned ha ding him the bag of things he needs to ensure it healed properly.

He nodded and stood up. “I will. But what if I don’t understand what to do?”

“Then you can come back in or call one of us.” You replied wiping your hands on your jeans.

“So I can call you? You didn’t change horn number right?” He asked slyly.

You shook your head no a slight smile crawling onto your lips.

“Well then miss y/l/n how about some dinner then? I know I was your last appointment and I kept you longer than you should’ve stayed. Let me make it up to you.” He flashed his million watt smile at you that you couldn’t resist.

“What’s with the formalities Seo? I thought you didn’t like them?” You teased as he grinned at your playful tone before leaning down to your height.

“Thought I’d make it fair and use them in you. So how bout dinner? I’ll pay.” He held his arm out to you.

You rolled your eyes playfully before closing down your station and grabbing your purse before spinning back toward the awaiting male. You grinned mischievously before sauntering in his direction, walking past his form and out the door before turning slightly to see his gobsmacked expression.

“You coming or what? I’m starving Seo.” You teased slyly watching as he laughed before bounding after your form, linking arms and heading to dinner just like the old times.

~Nik

#johnny scenario #johnny seo #nct scenario #nct fluff #Johnny au #johnny fluff #admin Nik

[sichevg]

zoom bday party chat TT___TT

21:12:05 From song kang : IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHOW EVERYONE ON MY SCREEN 21:12:13 From song kang : how will i take a cute picture if I can only see one person 21:12:27 From Uyen Irene Tran : it’s on the top right 21:12:34 From Uyen Irene Tran : it’s called Gallery View 22:22:26 From Jio Lee : my sister’s gonna wash caleb in the room that i was in :-\\\ 22:22:31 From Jio Lee : and my brother’s doing his zoom class in here 22:22:41 From Jio Lee : cause he’s weird 22:22:43 From Jio Lee : and he’s like 31 22:22:48 From Jio Lee : and he’s taking data science 22:22:52 From Jio Lee : yeah 22:22:55 From Jio Lee : masters 22:23:07 From Jio Lee : you see this empty spot next to my head 22:23:13 From Jio Lee : caleb ripped my polaroid off 22:23:26 From Jio Lee : he came in here 22:23:27 From Jio Lee : YEAH 22:23:31 From Jio Lee : WHILE I WAS SLEEPINGGG 22:23:49 From Jio Lee : are they sleeping 22:23:53 From Jio Lee : my brother’s in here lMFAO 22:25:04 From Jio Lee : in the closet 22:25:21 From Jio Lee : it’s on the ground!!!!! 22:26:14 From Jio Lee : you keep your shoes in your room 22:27:11 From Jio Lee : i wanted one of those clothing racks but my room at home is too damn small 22:27:27 From Jio Lee : ive been looking at them on wayfair 22:28:08 From Jio Lee : it’s like 50 dollars bro 22:28:24 From Jio Lee : YALL 22:28:30 From Jio Lee : let me show you the apartments im gonna move in to hopefully 22:28:35 From Jio Lee : help me think of how to design it 22:28:51 From Jio Lee : single but i share the apt 22:29:18 From Jio Lee : omg i have to quit zoom to screenshare hold on 22:31:14 From Jio Lee : all the rooms 22:31:15 From Jio Lee : look like that 22:31:17 From Jio Lee : in that apt 22:31:25 From Jio Lee : maybe 22:31:31 From Jio Lee : but i think i could like shove it into the corner 22:31:36 From Jio Lee : and then put a full body mirror next to it 22:31:45 From Jio Lee : lemme check 22:32:18 From Jio Lee : it’s like 18k a year 22:32:21 From Jio Lee : i know 22:32:26 From Jio Lee : sf baby 22:32:34 From Jio Lee : san fran rent be wack 22:32:38 From Jio Lee : a studio’s hitting like 4k 22:32:50 From Jio Lee : i KNOW 22:33:03 From Jio Lee : san fran is wild bro 22:33:23 From Jio Lee : just me 22:33:29 From Jio Lee : it’s like 1k a month? 22:33:31 From Jio Lee : yeah 22:33:33 From Jio Lee : included 22:33:38 From Jio Lee : i kNOW 22:33:41 From Jio Lee : bro i know 22:33:45 From Jio Lee : but you get an in unit laundry machine 22:33:50 From Jio Lee : and stove + appliances 22:33:53 From Jio Lee : so i’m likeeee ok that’s fair 22:34:00 From Jio Lee : bro the dorms are expensive too 22:34:03 From Jio Lee : they’re like 14k for a triple 22:34:21 From Jio Lee : off campus rooms are like 22:34:24 From Jio Lee : 800 a month minimum 22:34:30 From Jio Lee : and you share with like 1-2 other people 22:34:43 From Jio Lee : it’s like 800 + utilities 22:34:55 From Jio Lee : i’m getting my money’s worth 22:35:03 From Jio Lee : bro the flight ticket 22:35:06 From Jio Lee : is like 150 22:35:15 From Jio Lee : 150 roundtrip 22:35:17 From Jio Lee : for an hour????? 22:35:32 From Jio Lee : A HUNDRED 22:35:40 From Jio Lee : let’s go to paris 22:35:45 From Jio Lee : buy a hazmat suit 22:37:24 From Jio Lee : bro my friend was going back home to thailand from the uk 22:37:28 From Jio Lee : and people were out here wearing hazmat suits 22:37:34 From Jio Lee : yeah she was like 22:37:39 From Jio Lee : i was obviously underdressed 22:37:59 From Jio Lee : she had a mask and gloves on and she was like ????? 22:38:08 From Jio Lee : uk was bad 22:38:20 From Jio Lee : i heard vietnam is reopening 22:40:08 From Jio Lee : dude i never heard about your bf 22:40:12 From Jio Lee : how’d that happen 22:40:43 From Jio Lee : scandalous 22:40:44 From kang : a true modern day love story 22:41:04 From Jio Lee : so you guys switched LOL 22:41:21 From kang : this is why u can never trust female friends 22:41:24 From Jio Lee : ^ 22:41:29 From Lilie Mai : ^^^^ 22:42:19 From Jio Lee : that’s weird 22:42:48 From Jio Lee : wtf LOL 22:42:53 From Jio Lee : men 22:43:29 From Jio Lee : a drunk text 22:45:49 From Jio Lee : interesting 22:45:50 From Jio Lee : LMAO 22:46:20 From kang : AND THEN WHAT DID U DO 22:46:21 From kang : HUH 22:46:23 From Jio Lee : LMAOOO 22:46:25 From Jio Lee : SHE TEXTED HIM 22:46:31 From kang : this is so random but jio has such a small head 22:46:33 From kang : how it do that 22:46:33 From Jio Lee : LMFAO 22:46:53 From Jio Lee : I TRIED THAT THING 22:46:57 From Jio Lee : WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FACE BEHIND A PIECE OF TISSUE 22:47:00 From Jio Lee : LIKE TISSUE PAPER 22:47:03 From Jio Lee : IT WORKED LMFAO 22:47:06 From kang : teach us ur ways 22:47:13 From Jio Lee : like the toilet paper 22:47:28 From kang : whose mans 22:47:29 From Jio Lee : if you like turn it one way 22:47:30 From Jio Lee : it works 22:47:31 From Jio Lee : omg 22:47:31 From kang : my head: huge 22:47:34 From Jio Lee : his head is so small 22:47:59 From kang : so many idols had loose fitting masks 22:48:01 From kang : and im like how 22:48:08 From Jio Lee : oh the face masks 22:48:09 From kang : my mask: full 22:48:35 From kang : my cheeks be too chubby 22:48:56 From kang : i can make an egg 22:49:01 From Jio Lee : i put your letters up here 22:49:04 From Jio Lee : next to my polaroids 22:49:14 From Jio Lee : i couldnt put seoyoung’s cause it had korean curse words 22:49:20 From Jio Lee : but i have it kept in my book shelf 22:49:21 From Jio Lee : very safe 22:49:32 From Jio Lee : didnt want my mom being like 22:49:37 From Jio Lee : who tf is cursing at you through snail mail 22:49:43 From kang : SNAIL MAIL CURSING 22:49:46 From kang : DLKFDKSJFKJDSH 22:49:50 From kang : my specialty 22:49:53 From Jio Lee : LMFAOOO 22:49:56 From Jio Lee : i have like four korean friends 22:50:01 From Jio Lee : it’s my goal to make korean friends at cal 22:50:02 From kang : same i have like two 22:50:05 From kang : rose dont count 22:50:08 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 22:50:25 From kang : bring me my rich korean boyfriend 22:50:34 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 22:50:38 From Jio Lee : the business school at cal is called haas 22:50:42 From Jio Lee : so they call the guys there haasholes 22:50:54 From kang : my friend went to a dive thru 22:51:04 From kang : drive 22:51:07 From Jio Lee : omg 22:51:13 From Jio Lee : i heard they shove a q tip up your nose 22:51:20 From Jio Lee : until it feels like it pokes your brain 22:51:24 From kang : she lives in new york and she went to a drive thru test 22:51:37 From Jio Lee : apparently it goes up to like 22:51:39 From Jio Lee : your sinuses 22:52:05 From Jio Lee : my eye used to flutter too 22:52:26 From Jio Lee : that helps 22:52:43 From kang : i love eyeliner 22:52:49 From kang : i always be looking like a raccon tho 22:52:53 From Jio Lee : my eyeliner’s always uneven 22:53:03 From kang : saem bcs my eyes are uneven 22:53:05 From Jio Lee : IVE BEEN TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO WING IT 22:53:09 From Jio Lee : so i keep winging it 22:53:11 From Jio Lee : but one’s always higher 22:53:15 From kang : do u guys see MY EYES R UNEVEN 22:53:24 From Jio Lee : you just go straight out 22:53:26 From Jio Lee : and then 22:53:27 From Jio Lee : you like 22:53:29 From Jio Lee : triangle it up 22:53:31 From Jio Lee : from the bottom 22:53:38 From kang : its true 22:53:42 From kang : thats what i do 22:53:51 From Jio Lee : oh yeah ive seen the videos 22:53:55 From Jio Lee : but like you gotta be white 22:54:01 From kang : u gotta like draw a straight line and then draw a triangle up 22:54:03 From Jio Lee : white people have enough space 22:54:09 From kang : my eyes be too droopy 22:54:14 From kang : to do foxy eyes 22:54:16 From Jio Lee : my eyes are too round 22:55:04 From kang : we are all deformed 22:55:12 From Jio Lee : one side of my face is significantly flatter than the other 22:55:16 From Jio Lee : because i slept on that side 22:55:26 From kang : bruh i sleep on my stomach 22:55:27 From Jio Lee : i’ve been trying to flatten the other side 22:55:31 From kang : apparently it fucks up your chin 22:55:46 From kang : i heard u lose weight when u sleep on your back 22:55:50 From Jio Lee : rly wtf 22:55:59 From Jio Lee : my nephew sleeps on his stomach 22:56:07 From kang : yeah u gotta sleep on your back and lift your arms above your head 22:56:13 From Jio Lee : THAT’S HOW I SLEEP HAHA 22:56:20 From kang : and you’ll lose weight 22:56:26 From Jio Lee : sometimes when iwake up i lose all feeling in one arm 22:56:34 From kang : but you’ll literally fuck ur chin shape up if u sleep on ur stomach 22:57:20 From Jio Lee : im gonna get that nose surgery 22:57:23 From Jio Lee : then it’s over for everyone 22:57:26 From kang : my dad had to go to work at his gas station bcs one of his employees called out 22:57:33 From Jio Lee : LMFAO 22:57:37 From Jio Lee : THE SHIELD 22:57:44 From kang : IT LOOKS LIKE AFISHBOWL 22:57:50 From kang : yeah he comes home in like an hour 22:57:58 From kang : he made the plastic shield tho 22:58:00 From kang : IT KILLED ME 22:58:09 From Jio Lee : bro i saw someone pull their hoodie up and pull on the strings all the way 22:58:13 From Jio Lee : and put the pot lid in front of their face 22:58:17 From Jio Lee : so it was a makeshift shield 22:58:24 From Jio Lee : it looked so effective 22:58:26 From kang : HOW THEY GONNA SEE 22:58:29 From kang : ohhhhhh 22:58:29 From Jio Lee : it’s glass 22:58:30 From Jio Lee : HAHAH 22:58:39 From kang : WHY DID UYEN HAVE A POT LID ON HAND 22:58:42 From Jio Lee : but the handle’s in the front 22:58:46 From kang : SHE JUST PULLED IT OUT 22:58:48 From Jio Lee : dorm life 22:59:06 From Jio Lee : do you have a single 22:59:10 From kang : are there people in ur dorm 22:59:13 From kang : why didnt they go home 22:59:19 From Jio Lee : oh LOL 22:59:59 From Jio Lee : wait what 23:00:03 From Jio Lee : oh 23:00:03 From Jio Lee : LOL 23:01:42 From kang : white ppl things 23:02:04 From kang : i think so 23:02:38 From kang : excuse me 23:03:22 From kang : thats why i dont offer anything to anyone 23:03:48 From Jio Lee : damn imagine if you had your party now 23:04:01 From kang : im so hungry 23:04:05 From kang : to eat or to not eat 23:04:09 From Jio Lee : water is your best friend 23:04:14 From kang : rip 23:04:22 From kang : i FINISHED 23:04:25 From kang : u want me to wet the bed 23:05:02 From kang : my dad always told me if i eat watermelon before bed I WILL WET THE BED 23:05:08 From Jio Lee : bro some white girls copied apink’s choreo for a “tiktok challenge” 23:05:37 From Jio Lee : wild 23:05:44 From Jio Lee : they claimed it was theirs 23:05:45 From kang : cultural aPPROPRIATION 23:05:51 From Jio Lee : and then they blocked off comments or something 23:06:03 From kang : white ppl: stealing cultures since day 1 23:06:33 From kang : whites have no culture to steal 23:06:36 From kang : what r we gonna steal 23:06:39 From kang : grilled cheese? 23:06:41 From kang : we dont want it 23:06:57 From kang : I HATE CHEESE 23:07:04 From Jio Lee : my brother b playing league in my room now 23:07:08 From Jio Lee : and his class is still going on 23:07:15 From kang : im playing league 23:07:18 From kang : dont hate on us 23:07:22 From Jio Lee : LMAOO i made an acc 23:07:27 From Jio Lee : but i haven’t played 23:07:32 From kang : NOT RIGHT NOW BUT IN GENERAL 23:07:44 From Jio Lee : im gonna be a twitch girl 23:07:53 From kang : i suck too much TO STREAM 23:07:56 From Jio Lee : ok same tho 23:07:57 From Jio Lee : i suck 23:07:59 From kang : I LOSE EVERY GAME 23:08:02 From Jio Lee : we can just get decently good 23:08:06 From Jio Lee : and then be like here’s my venmo 23:08:25 From kang : im not cute like that 23:08:29 From kang : maybe in my next life 23:08:31 From Jio Lee : ^ 23:08:35 From Jio Lee : i’m gonna take my dad’s dslr to sf 23:08:44 From Jio Lee : and i’m gonna become a youtuber and pay for my tuition through youtube money 23:08:58 From kang : when u got a full ride tHO 23:09:01 From kang : SHUT UP JIO 23:09:07 From Jio Lee : HAHAH BUT I NEED 용돈 23:09:26 From Jio Lee : so versatile 23:10:08 From Jio Lee : bro i finally paid off my credit card in full 23:10:12 From Jio Lee : my credit boutta skyrocket 23:10:18 From Jio Lee : time to make a new one 23:10:24 From kang : omg i wish 23:10:25 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 23:10:32 From kang : i have 1500 on my credit card 23:10:37 From kang : but will i pay it off: no 23:10:44 From Jio Lee : LMAOO isnt it cause you got a laptop 23:10:51 From kang : YEAH AND I KEEP SPENDING MONEY 23:10:57 From Jio Lee : chase freedom 23:10:57 From kang : get discover 23:10:58 From Jio Lee : is the best 23:11:09 From kang : if u get a referral u get 23:11:11 From Jio Lee : discover isn’t taken at a lot of places so it gets annoying 23:11:12 From kang : $50 23:11:31 From kang : when i opened my discover card i only opened it bcs my friend had a referral code 23:12:02 From kang : omg i lied i only owe 1200 on my credit card 23:12:04 From kang : thanks dad 23:12:48 From Jio Lee : some guy i went out on a date with 23:12:51 From Jio Lee : had a spongebob meme on his 23:12:55 From Jio Lee : yeah but it wasn’t worth it 23:12:57 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 23:13:10 From Jio Lee : he changed his name on zoom to jim halpert 23:13:20 From Jio Lee : NO HIS NAME IS MICHAEL 23:13:20 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 23:13:23 From Jio Lee : HE SHOULD’VE DONE MICHAEL SCOTT 23:13:42 From Jio Lee : everyone wants to be jim 23:13:49 From Jio Lee : REALLY LOL 23:13:51 From Jio Lee : i love dwight 23:13:56 From Jio Lee : i think dwight’s my favorite character 23:14:05 From Jio Lee : he is 23:14:08 From Jio Lee : LOL KELLY 23:14:16 From Jio Lee : WHEN SHE BECAME MINORITY EXECUTIVE 23:14:29 From Jio Lee : bro it’s leaving netflix 23:14:45 From Jio Lee : i think it’s leaving in 2020 23:14:51 From Jio Lee : they pushed up the date or something 23:14:55 From Jio Lee : lol i jacked my friend’s hulu 23:15:05 From Jio Lee : how much is the nbc one 23:15:12 From Jio Lee : damn 23:15:16 From Jio Lee : im gonna get it lOL 23:15:21 From Jio Lee : just so i can watch the office 23:15:27 From Jio Lee : same i might just buy the show 23:15:53 From Jio Lee : dude i think iw atched the office like 10 times 23:15:55 From Uyen Irene Tran : https://soap2day.to 23:15:56 From Jio Lee : i’m on season 7 23:16:26 From kang : ok i have a review session at 7am so i will sleep 23:16:28 From kang : gn chingus 23:16:48 From Jio Lee : bro i’ve been on shein putting stuff in my cart 23:16:52 From Jio Lee : and some clothes are so hoe like 23:17:14 From Jio Lee : WHAT 23:17:18 From Jio Lee : HOW OLD IS SHE 23:17:19 From Jio Lee : holy shit 23:17:44 From Jio Lee : LOL wtf 23:17:46 From Jio Lee : then you have to pay 23:18:01 From Jio Lee : be that girl that wears white 23:18:36 From Jio Lee : yikess 23:18:52 From Jio Lee : 20 omg 23:19:38 From Jio Lee : that’s so young 23:19:42 From Jio Lee : she’s gonna have a kid by like 24 23:20:06 From Jio Lee : damn bro 23:20:17 From Jio Lee : dude some girl i went to middle school with 23:20:18 From Jio Lee : she has a kid 23:20:22 From Jio Lee : and she’s our age 23:20:32 From Jio Lee : but is her man even rich 23:20:45 From Jio Lee : yikes 23:21:02 From Jio Lee : she said this man is UGLY 23:21:07 From Jio Lee : facts 23:21:09 From Jio Lee : he’s RICH 23:21:11 From Jio Lee : he’s probably rolling in it 23:21:18 From Jio Lee : SHOTGUN WEDDING 23:21:20 From Jio Lee : omg 23:21:22 From Jio Lee : he is ugly 23:21:52 From Jio Lee : their kid boutta be 4 feet 9 23:22:03 From Jio Lee : omg if it’s a boy 23:22:07 From Jio Lee : that boy is not getting any girls 23:22:58 From Jio Lee : i keep forgetting uyen’s english name is irene 23:23:03 From Jio Lee : and i saw the irene and i was like 23:23:06 From Jio Lee : irene??? 23:23:33 From Jio Lee : LMAOO 23:23:47 From Jio Lee : bro i want an english name cause people be butchering my name left and right 23:23:54 From Jio Lee : in asian ass california 23:24:52 From Jio Lee : yikes 23:25:11 From Jio Lee : broooo 23:25:23 From Jio Lee : LMAOO 23:25:27 From Jio Lee : SHE SAID IM GONNA BE IRENE 23:25:36 From Jio Lee : irene’s a cute name though 23:25:48 From Jio Lee : that timing 23:25:59 From Jio Lee : they’re like 23:26:00 From Jio Lee : JAI OH?? 23:26:10 From Jio Lee : sometimes they’re like 23:26:11 From Jio Lee : jia 23:26:13 From Jio Lee : and im like 23:26:15 From Jio Lee : it’s a whole ass o 23:26:24 From Jio Lee : so time to adopt an english name 23:26:27 From Jio Lee : i hate that 23:26:44 From Jio Lee : it looks like my though 23:26:53 From Jio Lee : like it looks like it would be my 23:27:03 From Jio Lee : HAHAH DAISY MAE 23:27:57 From Jio Lee : bro you’ve been taking chinese for so long 23:28:15 From Jio Lee : i stopped taking korean after hs 23:28:29 From Jio Lee : i had like 23:28:32 From Jio Lee : the foreign language req 23:28:35 From Jio Lee : and i just took korean 23:28:39 From Jio Lee : because i didnt wanna do spanish or french 23:29:15 From Jio Lee : bro i was gonna apply to amherst 23:29:18 From Jio Lee : but their app was so annoying 23:29:54 From Jio Lee : you should come to a uc HAHAH 23:29:58 From Jio Lee : come to cal 23:30:08 From Jio Lee : oh rly 23:30:11 From Jio Lee : it’s like 4 prompts 23:30:17 From Jio Lee : COME TO CAL 23:30:18 From Jio Lee : HAHA 23:32:10 From Jio Lee : bro my friend goes to bu and apparently they’re thinking of shutting down the fall semester completely 23:32:21 From Jio Lee : like not even having class 23:32:37 From Jio Lee : yeah cause you can’t make students pay for zoom university 23:32:43 From Jio Lee : and they still have to pay the profs 23:33:22 From Jio Lee : i know uci made students pay for facilities they can’t use 23:34:02 From Jio Lee : bro LOL my friend bought an animal crossing switch cause she got her housing refunded 23:34:46 From Jio Lee : broooo 23:35:31 From Jio Lee : my friend bought one for 650 23:35:39 From Jio Lee : cause he was desperate 23:35:42 From Jio Lee : but he hasn’t opened it 23:35:47 From Jio Lee : he’s gonna wait for the restock 23:35:53 From Jio Lee : bro get animal crossinggg 23:35:53 From Jio Lee : yeah 23:35:56 From Jio Lee : so like if it restocks 23:36:07 From Jio Lee : bro i want one for myself 23:36:09 From Jio Lee : i use my family’s switch 23:36:29 From Jio Lee : the coral one is pretty 23:36:32 From Jio Lee : yeah bro 23:36:34 From Jio Lee : i wanna hook it up 23:36:42 From Jio Lee : HAHA 23:36:47 From Jio Lee : the se is so small 23:36:57 From Jio Lee : i think so 23:37:00 From Jio Lee : bro wtf LOL 23:37:10 From Jio Lee : that’s wack 23:37:16 From Jio Lee : im pretty sure 12 is coming out in september 23:37:25 From Jio Lee : unless the production was pushed back cause of covid 23:37:52 From Jio Lee : ANDROID 23:38:01 From Jio Lee : huawei 23:38:02 From Jio Lee : HAHA 23:38:33 From Jio Lee : bro im just waiting for the 12 23:38:39 From Jio Lee : my phone’s battery dies so fast 23:38:59 From Jio Lee : the galaxy interface is so weirdly counterintuitive 23:39:10 From Jio Lee : WITH THE PEN 23:39:11 From Jio Lee : LOL 23:39:25 From Jio Lee : the new samsung ones dont look bad tho 23:39:30 From Jio Lee : the one with the strip in the back 23:39:32 From Jio Lee : the black strip 23:39:42 From Jio Lee : bro i saw someone using that at costco 23:39:50 From Jio Lee : i had to stop eating my salad 23:40:03 From Jio Lee : BRO YEAH 23:40:04 From Jio Lee : I WA SLIKE 23:40:06 From Jio Lee : WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT 23:40:14 From Jio Lee : bro 23:40:15 From Jio Lee : razor 23:40:24 From Jio Lee : the flip phone 23:40:24 From Jio Lee : HAHA 23:41:37 From Jio Lee : do you remember that green tiny ass phone that was for kids 23:41:41 From Jio Lee : and it had like two functions 23:42:02 From Jio Lee : i remember my friend had that and i was so jealous 23:42:06 From Jio Lee : same 23:42:08 From Jio Lee : i wanted one so bad 23:42:12 From Jio Lee : DO YOU REMEMBER THE JUKE LOL 23:42:34 From Jio Lee : IT FLIPS LOL 23:43:02 From Jio Lee : i wanted one of those phones that you opened and it had a keyboard on it 23:43:03 From Jio Lee : so bad 23:43:15 From Jio Lee : i had the sliding one 23:43:33 From Jio Lee : i had the red one i think 23:43:59 From Lilie Mai : https://www.todayscloseout.com/v/vspfiles/assets/images/samsung-gravity-tmob-aqua-tall.jpg 23:44:11 From Jio Lee : https://www.ebay.com/p/100047448?iid=174029957447&chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-117182-37290-0&mkcid=2&itemid=174029957447&targetid=883075326854&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=9031532&poi=&campaignid=9248480877&mkgroupid=94100691256&rlsatarget=pla-883075326854&abcId=1141156&merchantid=110607992&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhZr1BRCLARIsALjRVQPoQyirAPKfCSzNWiHrRFPtfJKqdzUDcKCpUbhzN_NLsybqqUCmulsaAva-EALw_wcB 23:44:13 From Jio Lee : bro i had this one 23:44:49 From Jio Lee : brooo i remember that 23:44:52 From Jio Lee : i wanted that one 23:45:12 From Jio Lee : i think 3rd grade 23:45:19 From Jio Lee : i was home alone a lot 23:45:21 From Jio Lee : so my parents were like 23:45:23 From Jio Lee : you need a phone 23:46:11 From Jio Lee : bro home phones still exist? 23:46:13 From Jio Lee : LMFAOO 23:46:22 From Jio Lee : remember when you had to pay for each text you sent 23:46:28 From Jio Lee : and you had to buy a package of however many texts 23:46:40 From Jio Lee : i went over my texting limit bro 23:47:02 From Jio Lee : omg you had to press one button 3 times 23:47:21 From Jio Lee : bro that’s wild 23:48:56 From Jio Lee : TEN MORE DAYS LOL 23:49:08 From Jio Lee : bake something 23:49:08 From Jio Lee : HAHA

[nofomoartworld]

DIS Magazine: Gogo Graham FW17 Lookbook

                        Model Cecelia Gentili Photography Serena Jara Hair Sonny Molina Clothes and Styling Gogo Graham    

                Intro by Devan Diaz

Four women sat atop a Brooklyn roof in February; a designer, a photographer, a writer, and a model. Arriving from Texas, Gogo came to the city to be the dressmaker for a population of invisible women. Serena, from Minnesota , was there to capture the day with the sort of tenderness that the job required. I was there to extract the truth, as all writers hope to do. This pursuit caused me to leave Nashville behind six years ago. On this unusually warm day, we all assembled ourselves around the model. Even the sun positioned itself in observance of her, creating the light needed for the shoot. We orbited around Cecilia Gentili, the reason for our gathering. To call her a model would be to simplify her role. With the austere of a Grand Dame, Cecilia is the matriarch for many transgender girls that come to New York seeking asylum. Gogo, Serena and I were just a few of those girls.

Gogo’s inspiration for the collection was born out of respect. When thumbing through the collection, she turned to me and said “She’s mommy. She deserves it.”

What took place was an intergenerational conversation that has no precedent. Our collective history is largely un-documented, but not for long. While the three of us were coming into the world, Cecilia was creating the path. When we embarked on womanhood, women like Cecilia offered a hand. This collection was a love letter to the past with an eye to the future.

An interview with Cecelia Gentile

Gogo: You know that like… you are the reason why me and so many other people are here

Cecelia: Thats very nice, thats a beautiful thing to say and I’m flattered, you’re gonna make me cry but I won’t… but you know, its not because of me its because of you… you had the audacity to be yourself and do what you want, I was just there, and I was able to help you in the process.

And that deserves credit, don’t get me wrong, I take my credit, I want my credit right, but its like… you get the real credit, you with your courage and your strong will to do what you needed to do to be happy. so, i was there, so i was able to help you, and thats a beautiful thing. Not just for you, its a beautiful thing for me you know, its a beautiful thing for me.

And… realistically… it was also my job, I got paid for it! How cool is that? How cool is that, to get a job being able to help somebody do whatever the fuck they want with their lives, with their bodies, its amazing.

G: You definitely facillitated that, in the most real, concrete way… I dont know if you remember when I first called…

C:I do…

G:I remember I called you, I was like… this is “deadname,” I want to know about the trans health program…

C: Let me tell you some secrets… English is my second language, so I have a real hard time understanding people sometimes, I have to make an effort to understand… So when you talk in such a quiet, intimate way… I’m like what the fuck did she say..

G: You were like yeah, just come to the orientation!

C: Just come to the orientation, maybe I can read your lips, girl lol

G: Lmao maybe there was a reason I was so quiet then though…

C: I hope I’m not offending you with this but, I just heard like… this really sad child.

G: Oh my god, yeah.

C: This really sad child, you know… and being able to help somebody…I don’t know if you did get out of that sadness, I hope you did, and it shows like you did… you’re like a new person, you’re bubbly… and happy overall, I see you happy. With some shit that may go down in your life just like anyone else, but its not that feeling of sadness.

And when I met you, not just you of course, with many people it happens, but with you specifically I can say… I saw a lot of myself, I was a young girl, in the big city, going to school and wanting to transition… No I wasn’t! There was no doctor, there was no Cecilia, there was nothing. So being able to assist you in your process is so rewarding, because then you do see that some things are changing, and it’s amazing… I can say that I love all the people I was able to help, in this transition process.

G: That’s a lot of people.

C: Yea, when I left it was like 600 people. 600 people… And I guess for some reasons you make special connections with some of them, and you were one of them. Actually, your group of friends are all in that group, you know like Serena… Now, we’re doing pictures, and I’m wearing your clothes, and Serena is taking the pictures.

And its like… we became family, and I know you do have a wonderful family, at least I know you have a wonderful mom, I don’t know the rest of your family… I don’t have any family here–I just have a partner–so you became my family… and I hope somehow, I became your family too…

G: You did!

C: And that’s what this process is about, because… if we’re not family to each other, what are we?

G: Chosen family…

C: Yea. Its so nice being a mother when your children are already grown, I don’t have to worry about you… I don’t have to worry about like, the milk being too hot, I don’t have to worry about your first time… its done and dealt with! But you know, it’s so good to have this experience.

G: I think, all of us, my friends who you just talked about, we all feel this way.

C: It’s just so wonderful, I lived so isolated for so many years, sometimes my partner will be like, ‘oh golly, you have so many friends!’… And I’m like, they’re not enough, I have to make up for all those years I lived isolated, and didn’t communicate with anybody.

G: I feel the opposite. I mean, we obviously didn’t have the same experiences and stuff, but I’m so cautious meeting people. I feel like there are alot of good people I haven’t met yet, but I’m so worried I’m going to find myself with bad people… It’s paranoia, I probably shouldn’t have even said that, but its the truth…

C: We have that, being trans, living everyday… comes with this anxiety. Is this person I’m going to walk across on the sidewalk going to be indifferent– which is awesome, if you’re indifferent to me, I’m happy— or are they gonna be a fucking psycho, or are they gonna be somebody who will let me know that they know I’m trans and they’re ‘ok with it’, which is kind of fucked up.

I think that’s part of trans people, especially trans women, that we have all this anxiety of how people are going to perceive us, and it makes sense that you are closed to finding that out, because if you don’t make an effort to find out, that’s better…

G: And even people who you know, or feel like you know, sometimes they suprise you… even today, I walked into this market, and this guys who’s always super extra friendly.. always commenting on whatever… in an extra way, and then one day he’s having a bad day and he decides to be like ‘Hey whats up man’. And its like, oh, now.. today I’m ‘man’…

C: Or if you didn’t pay him no mind, its just so usual, guys coming to you trying to pick you up, trying to be funny… and when you’re like ‘no, thanks’, they’re ‘oh you fucking man’… and I’m like– wait, let’s back up 2 minutes–

G: If you’re looking for a man lol…

C: Yea, whats up with that? But you know, it makes sense why so many of us are so resistant to establishing that kind of engagement with people.

I am kind of over everything, I’m 45, I’m like fuck everything, I don’t care, but for so many years its like, its better if I dont communicate with anyone, its easier, but then I was super isolated for so many years…

But then I changed and I allowed myself to kind of like open up to different people. Not everybody was great, I had bad experiences but during that process I got a lot of good people in my life, and that was pretty awesome.

G: Well, Serena shot this thing, and another thing I wanted to ask you about was the work you’re doing with Serena, and also your own work.

C: Well.. I have this super boring job– it’s not boring, it’s nice, and I’m really happy with the work I do, but for many people, looking from the outside, it’s like sitting in all office all day… But I really enjoy the work that I do, and not just that but having this title… like she’s the director of policy at this major organisation– deputy director of policy at GMAC.. who would have thought that this trans woman without a Masters would have such a powerful position in such a widely known organisation. So I enjoy that that is me!

I also do a lot of storytelling events where I just tell the story of my life. I have a lot of sad and horrible stories but I choose to tell people stories that are funny or fun, nice and easy to hear. I don’t think I’m ready to tell my painful stories yet, and someday maybe I will, but for now I just choose to focus on the fun part of being trans, and finding this way of liberation… So I do that, and I enjoy it a lot, and it makes me happy.

So with Serena, for her thesis at school, she’s been working with my stories, and doing photographic work around my stories, and we were able to do a couple of shoots that were really successful, the material she comes up with is so freaking amazing.

G: Both of you are!

C: I was working with her in this project, doing pictures for her, wearing your clothes… This opportunity came about and I was super happy to do it. Mind you.. I’m fucking 45 years old, I don’t know if I want to spend Saturday afternoon on a roof, with the wind and the cold on freaking high heels. But I wouldn’t change it for the world, I’d do it all and much more…

G: It was weird… the whole setting was just like perfect, don’t you think, for the middle of winter..

C: Yeah, it was the middle of winter, we had this really warm day-

G: The sun was out…

C: And I got there and Sonny did my hair so beautifully, and my makeup was so nice, we started doing the pictures and all the clothes just fit me so perfectly, the sun was nice and everything went so perfect… and I felt so comfortable, so comfortable.

G: Even in those fucking uncomfortable ass boots.

C: No, the boots were great, the only thing I didn’t enjoy was the sandals, the red sandals, I just need to feel my foot supported, I hate those. That’s the life of a model, you have to wear all this shit they want you to wear!

But as I said before… I’m 45, I weigh a couple of pounds more than I would like to weigh, my body doesn’t look like it did when I was in my 20s, it doesn’t look that much like how I want it to look like… but I came to love it as it is. I put it down to age in part, but I don’t think its just aging, I know some people get to… I think it was a process of empowering myself and being empowered by my community to accept my body as it is.

So although I may not look the way I want to look, or aspire to look… Modelling clothes for a photoshoot is like, hey my body is beautiful and I can do this. For so many years I felt so uncomfortable with my body, that at this age being able to be ok with it and happy with it as it is, is so empowering and so beautiful… and having somebody make clothes that look great over this body is so gratifying and so important for me.

G: I mean– you looked so fucking incredible that day, you look so incredible as you sit before me now… it shows in the photos I think.

C: The photos are fucking amazing, I can’t wait to see them out.

G: You look so powerful, I mean you are– you’re a very powerful woman.

C: Thank you, thank you, I like to think that I am, I could be humble and I wish I could say, ‘oh nooo’, but no, I am fucking powerful, and I like to come across as being powerful. It has nothing to do with being trans– no, it has to do with being trans, it has to do with being a woman, it has to do with being a person of colour, it has to do with being a Latina with a fucking accent– I have to come across as being powerful, otherwise people walk all over you.

The intersection that people like you and me have, being trans woman of color– I always like to say non-black trans woman of colour– you have it very hard from many sides, being trans woman, being a woman, being a person of colour. For me, it’s important to come across as powerful, and I do make an effort, even when I don’t feel powerful, I do make an effort to come across as powerful. Again, I’m going to put it down to age, I’m fucking 45 and you’re not gonna walk over me, no– not this time, I let this happen for so many years, that today nobody is gonna walk over me. Or if you are, it’s because I want you to walk over me, sometimes I like that kind of shit lol

G: lol yeah

C: But you know, it is important to be in a place where I can control the way people perceive me. Things like gender are a lot about perception, being able to manipulate the way people perceive me has been fundamental to the way I am. Which is like– I’m whoever, it’s not like I’m anywhere, I am in a space where I am comfortable and happy but…

When we talk about success and talent, I feel… I don’t want my story to put any kind of pressure on, you know, the new generations, the girls are like 17, 18, I don’t want anybody to have any pressure to be successful in any concept that is not your concept of success. You can not let me or anybody else make the determination of what success should be for you. And you know, we talk about success like– Oh, Gogo is a successful designer, Cecelia is a successful trans woman of colour– What the fuck is success. That’s not success, that’s my idea of success. Maybe being a designer is her idea of success, it doesn’t mean everybody has to be successful… Maybe being successful for you is doing your nails, painting them green–

G: Getting out bed–

C: Yeah. We have to be very careful when we talk about trans people, specifically trans women, when we talk about success. Let’s not define success for others. Let people define success for themselves. I feel like… I’m always overdoing so much because for so many years I let this idea of success that wasn’t mine become mine. Nowadays I have to stop everything and say, hey, am I doing this because I want to or am I doing this because I want people to see me as this successful person.

So, I wanted to say that because we keep talking about success and talent, and you know, those are very individual concepts that we should not translate to others. You know? Ideas of success and talent are very different for everybody. I come across this concept of “every trans woman can get to be successful” like yeah, they can be successful as what they think success is. Not as anybody’s idea of what success is. Did I repeat this so much?

G: No, I think I kind of, for me, I feel like if some little baby trans person sees some stupid shit that I’m doing and then they think, wow i’m not gonna kill myself today! Then that’s totally enough for me, that is success. And like you said I think it’s important for us to recognize that success means something different for everybody.

C: Yeah there’s enough pressure that we have to be careful not to put more pressure with this idea that we have to be successful. This pressure to look a certain way, to act a certain way, to do these hormone treatments, you know… I’m old school, it was very square, the idea of being a trans woman, you do this this and this, you’re gonna be this kind of woman and you’re gonna look this kind of way and it took me so many years to be like… hmmm maybe this is not what I wanted to be, maybe I didn’t want to look like Sofia Vergara, I mean she’s beautiful. Maybe because I’m Latina, everybody thinks I should be this kind of woman… which usually is Sofia Vergara in everybody’s minds, and I think she’s beautiful, but I dont have to be like her or look like her.

When I’m like, ‘I want to change my tits’, people are like ‘oh you’re going bigger?’ And I’m like, no I want to go smaller, I don’t want tits actually… and people are like why?! I just dont! All the big tits, big ass, long hair with highlights is not what I wanted to be totally, it’s mostly what everybody around me thought I should be. You know if you have big tits and a big ass we like you better, we’re gonna accept you because you conform to this… And I did that for so long… that I’m at a point where I can allow myself to let go of all that. Does that make sense?

G: Yeah I sometimes think about that too, where I’m just like… do I even need to be on hormones? Do I need to grow my hair? And you know it’s difficult as trans women when you walk into a place and you know in your mind, oh, if I’m not wearing high heels, a pencil skirt and lipstick, people are going to misgender me. If I am, then they’ll always expect you to look like that, and if you don’t, then they’re like, ‘oh, are you going back’?

C: Yeah… there’s no way to win. But again when you get to my age, I don’t know why I keep putting it on age. I think when you get to my age you may be able to get to a point where you’re like fuck that, fuck everything. Whatever. But I dont think I would be here if it wasnt for you guys, and this is the part where I thank you all helping me seeing you girls.. These fucking girls they just don’t give a fuck about anything. You know me, not shaving my armpits…

G: (lol) This actually freaks me out, but as a political statement, I have to have it.

C: How many girls are like, I dont care! And seeing all these young trans girls that have been able to live their femininity in a way that they want to and not in a way that was imposed has been fundamental in me being able to be like, i’m gonna shave my head and whatever. And letting go of that stereotype and this gaze… That’s so important to me. And your clothes say a lot about that. I felt super feminine when I was wearing them without feeling the stereotype of femininity that was imposed on me and that’s so cool. Maybe it’s just because I love you. (lol)

G: I’m glad you felt that way.

x

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