#it looks very pettable like yes I get it now

[canisalbus]

I bit of Machete art for you. He’s such an amazing character, and you’re so inspirational

.

#ah that's so sweet of you! #I think he looks so calm and at ease here almost content in a way #it's nice #he deserves nice things sometimes #I'm really flattered you like mr sad dog man #enough to draw him even #thank you so much! #;w; #raindoeart #gift art #Machete #answered #it's weird how when I'm drawing him I don't think about the neck fluff that much but whenever I see other artists' renditions of it #it looks very pettable like yes I get it now

[sariel626]

Interrupting a Stream

So in this reader is a YouTube Streamer and being honest, I got inspiration for this while watching shxtou twitch vods. Yes I know twitch is very different from YouTube.

Oh, and your Streamer name is Seranisin, Chat calls you Sera for short. The first game is called Night of the Consumers, the second is Mr.Hopps Playhouse

TW: cussing

———————————————————————

“Stupid frickin’ customers! I was one shelf away from beating the game!” (Y/N) screamed at the screen which showed the words ‘You’re Fired’ in a blood red colored font. The chat was blowing up at the streamer’s rage, mostly ‘LMAOOO’s and some offering strategies to help the female when she began her 17th attempt to stock the grocery store shelves without running into any customers.

Right as (Y/N) was calming down, the front door to her shared home opened, Chuuya had finally gotten off work and he was ready to see his partner after a long day. When he didn’t see (Y/N) in the living room or the kitchen (probably eating an entire bag of chips again) the ginger walked over to (Y/N)‘s gaming/streaming room. The door was closed. Of course she’s streaming right now.

Chuuya went and grabbed a bottle of wine while contemplating if he should order takeout or cook something. While pouring his glass, a victory scream rang out, “TAKE THAT YOU WRINKLY MANAGER! I AM COMPETENT ENOUGH TO STOCK SHELVES!” It came from none other than (Y/N) herself. This made Chuuya chuckle to himself at how immersed his girlfriend could get in a video game.

Unable to decide on takeout or cooking at home, and since he figured that scream meant the stream would be ending, Chuuya waited a few minutes before going to (Y/N)’s room and opening the door to find…her still streaming. He concluded it’d be a good way to scare off any simps from the chat (he’s wrong, we never back down) so he asked what she would prefer for dinner while leaning against the door. (Y/N) snapped out of her surprised stupor and replied, “uh…takeout. You are aware that I’m streaming, right?” “I thought you ended it after that victory scream” this made the female streamer blush from embarrassment, was she really that loud?

Meanwhile, the chat was blowing up

Cryos3267: Who’s the hot guy at the door?

Gumiberry: Is he single?

Kawaii-Chan: if he is, can I have his number

XXJuliusXX: Is he Sera’s boyfriend?

Seweit42: He can’t be, he’s too short for her

Chuuya was going to leave to order takeout for them both until (Y/N) saw that in the chat. She smiled sweetly with malicious intent hidden behind it and called her boyfriend back in. Chuuya, hearing the sickly sweet sound from his girlfriend, walked into the room, silently praying you weren’t about to kill him for interrupting the stream.

(Y/N) looked directly at the camera, “Seweit42, if you really think short guys can’t land hot girls…” the girl pulled Chuuya down by his shirt collar and kissed him, making sure the monitor could see them. Chuuya gladly returned the short kiss until (Y/N) pulled back and looked at the camera “Then explain that.” If chat wasn’t already blowing up, it was now. The female turned back and said, “If you want, you can go order takeout now, I’ll join you after Mr.Hopps Playhouse” but Chuuya just wrapped his arms around her waist, “After that? Like hell I’m leaving.” The girl rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless, “Well then, get on the chair, but this is a horror game.” “Like a game could scare me. Who do you think I am, dove?”

Ten minutes later, Chuuya’s trying to convince you that Mr.Hopps is not cute while you’re collecting tapes

Chuuya: it’s a demonic bunny rabbit probably the size of that blond ponytail fucker from the Agency. He’s got the eyes of their doctor when she’s gone batshit

Y/N: Chuuya, don’t you see those adorable, very pettable ears? And those eyes aren’t screaming murder, they’re begging to be loved

Chuuya: quit fucking summoning him with the toys!

Y/N: (proceeds to trigger every single toy) it’s not like he’ll catch me anyways, I’m too good for-

Proceeds to get jumpscared making Chuuya cling to the gamer and spin the chair around, “Fuck that!” (Y/N) looked at her boyfriend, blinked a couple times, and laughed, spinning the chair around while laughing. The short-tempered male was quick to retaliate, “I was trying to protect you from the demon bunny! Don’t laugh at me!” “It’s just…it’s just a video game. Mr.Hopps isn’t real.” The female wiped a tear from her eyes. She was right, he’s just a piece of code in a video game. There wasn’t anything for Chuuya, a mafia executive, to be scared of. It was still funny that he was though.

Soon enough, (Y/N) beat the game and ended the stream. Standing up and stretching, she asked, “So what food are you in the mood for?” But Chuuya was still recovering from the ending, he looked up at his girlfriend, “Y…You pick” “Aight, Chinese sound good?” “Sure” To be honest, Chuuya wasn’t thinking about food, he was still caught on the ending and how you barely flinched at the Giant Mr.Hopps, is it a streamer thing?

“Yo Chu, you good? …Hello? …Oh well, guess I’ll just help myself to the best wine in the cellar!” That snapped him out of it. “Don’t you dare” “Welcome back to planet Earth, Chu. I’m gonna order the food and if you want, we can play Mr.Hopps 2~” (Y/N) whispered the last bit in his ear and Chuuya tensed, “Count me out” He walked to the living room and sat on the couch, flipping through the tv channels.

After placing the order and getting the food, (Y/N) and Chuuya were cuddling on the couch watching Iron Man 3. It was clear that both of you were beginning to get drowsy and so out of nowhere, Chuuya says, “You know, you were really sexy today when you kissed me in front of your fans.” “Thanks Chu, you were really cute today when we played Mr.Hopps. Your reactions were adorable and *yawn* I wouldn’t mind having you join me again.” (Y/N) closed her eyes as she began to doze off. The mafioso smiled at his cute girlfriend, turned the tv off, and carried her to their shared bedroom before crawling in next to her. “I wouldn’t mind it either.” And with that, the ginger fell asleep with a smile on his face.

———————————————————————

This ending was way softer than I expected it to be. Kinda derailed from my original idea

It’s fine though, we all need some Chuuya fluff in our lives

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader

[mumblingsage]

 Part IV of the girlfriend photos

We caught his mom catching us unwrapping Christmas presents.

We were, we agreed, the handsomest dorks.

Also some cool shots of his altar in the background. It held a hodgepodge of things that were magical and personally meaningful (the two categories overlapped).  Including some cards from me, and a Tarot deck, and pictures of his friends. Also a lava lamp, which I think was just there cuz it looked cool and made nice low lighting in the evenings to chill or listen to music by.

His mom took these photos of us in the van on New Year’s Day. More of the sexy black specs, the PDA. In fact a framed printout of the top picture, plus the case with the specs themselves, sits on a bookshelf in my apartment now. It’s sort of an altar in its own right. 

Jinx photos continued throughout the new year...and sometimes interspersed with Nyarlathotep photos

Yes, my girlfriend had a plush 3-Lobed Burning Eye. Who now lives with me along with his tiny tentacle friend Cephy the Cephalopod. And he had Nyarly before I came into his life, because he was just that wonderfully weird.

The next Jinx photo is a sad one. 

He took it one morning just before taking the pic he actually sent me, which I shared in a previous post. He was at the facility (I can tell by the ceiling) and...yeah, he was not having a fantastic time. He was bored and having to face some fuckups and trying to find a medication that worked for him. It showed through. So he deleted this photo and tried another one with a brighter smile for me. Turns out when you back up an iPhone and use the right software, you can access the recently deleted photos as well. 

The fact is, I’ve spent some time the last few weeks hugging Jinx and crying too, so I get it. I’m glad my girlfriend got over the macho Midwestern brainwashing and learned to cry when he needed to. This picture breaks my heart but it also shows a part of him that deserves to be honored (and which he let me see at times, just not in cuddly plush Good Morning photos).

As it happens, here was our text conversation after he sent the Jinx pic:

Theirac: Woke up from a nightmare around 3am and wound up clutching this guy. Very pettable. Me: I'm glad Jinx was there to provide reassuring snuggles! Him: Me too

And later that morning we made Valentine’s Day plans, so, y’know...every life is a mix of good moments and rougher ones. Sometimes you just need to hug your stuffed lynx and cry while things unroll.

A deleted photo I like because 1) BRAID and 2) nice pic of the Wheel of Chaos tattoo on his back. 

He did yoga with a friend. I was trying to encourage him to do more yoga, and he always intended to, but it kept falling by the wayside for various reasons. Ah well. Here are some nice pics she snapped of him (I think using her yoga swing).

Halloween 2017. He did consider resurrecting that gas mask to use for COVID shopping...I mean, not seriously consider. But it was kind of hard to resist when it was hanging on that lamp in his living room.

He didn’t have photos, but I hope his friends do, of the Halloween where his costume was his ordinary outfit except entirely in white--shoes, pants, belt, t-shirt. He slipped into the bathroom and changed in the middle of the night and it was legendary. He actually gave the costume to his friends when they asked for it because he was absolutely the kind of person who gave people whatever they asked for XD

Here he is with his mom on a night she was visiting him. They were having snacks and decompressing while waiting for me to drive up. Even with that  I’m-taking-this-photo-reluctantly lip curl, he’s got nice eyes.

Here’s a picture his mom took after he’d moved to Indiana. He was reading Dracula to her--I’ve probably already mentioned this, but he loved reading aloud. Not just audiobook narration, which he was getting started on, but as a social thing and sometimes, he said, just to himself when he found it absorbing or comforting. Books he read to me include parts of Many Love, almost all of Testosterone Rex, bits of For Her Own Good and Get Well Soon (cheery stuff!) and The Sirens Sang of Murder by Sarah Caudwell, as well as half of her The Shortest Way to Hades. He loved Caudwell (and her non-gender-specified narrator Hilary Tamar) and was going to read more to me when I visited. In the meantime he was enjoying Dracula and in our last conversation, told me his mom was too. Then we riffed off all the kinky aspects of that book. And I promised to lock him up in a castle in the wilderness, gladly, if I ever got the chance, which made him go all swoony.

This is the last photo taken of Theriac, by the dear Mom-parazzi. He unpacked pretty much all of his stuff and moved it into the carriage house by himself. Though I’m glad his mom was standing by to no doubt shower drinks and snacks on him as appropriate. Also, mmm, my girlfriend was *strong*. 

I’m also glad he was able to make the carriage house more homelike and that meant he closed his eyes for the last time surrounded by things he liked and had chosen. Which includes the plush toys.

The last photo he himself ever took was a few days later--

Then the tentacle monsters ate him and...no, he just deleted that blurry take and sent me the next one: 

He included dialogue

Cephy: Wheee!

Nyarly: I AM NOT YOUR JUNGLE GYM

Cephy had also come along with him to the facility because he said he needed their bright little smile to keep him cheerful. So I’m glad he had Cephy beaming at him over the next few days. I have to say, when I walked into the carriage house myself, there was something bizarrely healing about that infectious little crochet smile. (I also almost choked on a drink of water while I was up there and, once I cleared my airways by sheer force of determination, said aloud “Sorry, Cephy, you almost had to watch both your parents die within a week. That’d be rough.” They are a tiny cephalopod sitting on the head of an eldritch monstrosity, they embody both sunny optimism and gallows humor!)

We’d had a conversation later on the day of this pic which included me saying, “Sharing Cephy photos proves you speak my love language, anyway, you beautiful weirdo.” And that evening, he told me, “I don't think this will come as a surprise, but I am madly in love with you.”

Me: I'm absurdly in love with you too, girlfriend Him: Also, every time you call me your girlfriend, another cell in my body turns into light <3

Anyone’s last few days and last messages get overanalyzed. His, I think, hold up to overanalysis better than most. Because he was being sweet and loving and creative and flirty and silly and planning to do even more cool things the next day. I’m glad of that. Even if his last days hadn’t been as good--even if he had to spend some time hugging Jinx and crying, which he also might have without telling me--it wouldn’t erase the joy we were able to bring each other, which all these silly photos capture just a glimpse of.

Thanks for looking through them. 

#Theriac #grief #and cute plushes! #and weird plushes #and muscles

[artiemoonqueen]

Baby

By: Monica Lebron

I was part of a family that had very few pets. We had a turtle that was always there since I can remember but was never...never named. We had doves that my dad once built a coop next to our garage. We would have them in the house as they would sit on our shoulders and often lay unfertilized eggs everywhere. My brother and I were definitely too young to take care of doves. One perished from a night in said coop by a predator, the other was wounded and healed inside the house. We somehow...crushed this one during one of our rough housing. I know I know, we are heathens and should be sent to Peta jail but we were children. Being only three years apart from one another at ages 8-10, we were wrestling and playing on the couch with a comforter and one thing led to another. Our last friend from a pair seems to have gotten tangled up with us. We were very very mournful I swear to you all. After that, our parents had divorced(not because of the doves) and I was left to entertain myself without any responsibility to a pet. It was another story for my brother and mom but this isn;t about their many adventures with pets. This really isn't about the ‘previous’ pets we had in the past. This story is about Baby. In the year 2018, long before my 28th birthday I had to figure out a living situation.

1)find roommates that I knew

2)find roommates that I didn’t know

3)move back with my dad

4)live on my own

Since I had lived two years with roommates that I knew and some I knew too much. Before that I was living with my father that would sometimes ‘break my soul’. And I was a bit hesitant to move with people that were strangers at that time, I took the opportunity to live on my own for the first time. $650.00 for an apartment that has high ceilings, beautiful lighting that I will admit that I am currently kicking myself that I didn’t take enough selfies. Furniture and decorations of my own taste and pretty chill neighbors, the location was a little out of ways from anyone visiting and just down the hill was a large pharmaceutical company that was the ‘leading biotechnology company that invents life-transforming medicines for people with serious diseases’ in other words, high possibility that they are working on zombie-endulced material that a friend of mine who once worked there, would swear that that wasn’t happening but promise to text me ‘code red’ as a warning to get my ass far away from that place in anything were to happen.

So I was alone finally and I had really fucking felt it. I went through a winter before looking through websites for adopting an adult feline. I had no preference other than friendly, pettable, I pick up and hug when I need it, but independent. Spoilers(with tears coming down my face I was able to find that. Sorry I thought this was going to be easier) Before our paths would tangle as the dove with my brother and I’s wrestling match, I first looked on the local humane society website to look for potential companions. While I knew I wanted an older cat because of less time training and the idea of giving an older cat a better life, I saw a green eye, black cat with the christen name ‘Monica’. Now if you want to take this moment to go back to the top of this tale and look at the author’s name, I too am named ‘Monica’. What kinda psycho names a cat with a human name like ‘Monica’? I’ve heard names like Sprinkles, Scooby, Donut, Ringo, Chucky, and just about any reference to a greek god/goddess or dessert. Who was the previous owner that watched too many episodes of ‘Friends’ that decided to name a kitten Monica? I quietly laughed in my lonely one bed-room and moved along the website until the next day, on May 21, 2018. A week before my 28th birthday, my little cousin and I drove our way to the adoption center to look at cats that I had no idea whether I would go through with it or not.

“There’s a cat there named Monica?” my cousin had asked after I told her the musing I did the night before.

“ Yeah, she was cute but I can’t take her! I’d look insane.”

“ You don’t know Monica, maybe she is the one.”

“ Hell fucking no.”

We got out of the car and walked in. The front desk had a box of kittens that needed to be processed in. Their mewls were delightful to hear but were too young to be adopted out. I had signed in and asked ‘what’s your most friendliest outgoing cat here right now?’ The person attending us was quick to say all the cats were great but in her time there she had gotten to like a cat named...Monica. I could feel my cousin's smirking gaze on me. I was not going to subject myself to ridicule for having a cat with my same namesake thank you very much. There were many potential companions to see anyway. Some very old and very young. One with just an eye that I was close to choosing and others with large ears that reminded me of season 1 of ‘Girls’ Adam Sackler. But in the room with both a ‘mr and mrs. Incredible’ was also the notable cat named Monica. Let me tell you a little about the cat that will soon be renamed ‘Baby’. She knew how to get ya’ to want her affection. She knew that being present, unafraid. In the open, fluffy with hints of grey and a rich reddish brown coat along the black, open wide green eyes and a meow that was certain. She was her own saleswoman. In a true cliche, I was ‘hook, line and sinker’.

After $90.00 in cash, in a cardboard ‘cat carrier’ and her meowing away, I took a female, domestic longhair, black, eye color that was the color green. Birth Date 10/2009, formerly named ‘Monica’ home. Our first week, I thought she wanted to get close to me at night so when I awoke to a bat that brushed across my face and not her, that was fun. Eleven shots and two weeks of follow up maintenance shots for rabies, we had gotten familiar to one another. I would feed her half a can of wet food at 5:30 am before my morning shift at my part time job at the dmv and feed her the rest at night after my shift from my salon job. She lay on her back sometimes when we were both in the living room while I enjoyed binging on tv. And meow when I say ‘what?’ when we would eye at each-other. She will follow me to a basement apartment that I shared with my close friend David. We call her ‘pizza’ baby because of the time she climbed alongside the back of the couch while we were eating pizza from Pizzaroni. I felt a tug on my left arm that was holding up my cheese slice. When I looked, she was leaning far to reach my pizza to eat it. Not a successful attempt that time but she will try again. She constantly wanted the attention of David to which he would gladly and promptly pet her while she purred and then quickly turned around to bit his hand away. He always gave her the attention though. For that I am grateful for David. You made sure she ate and loved. You affectionately talk about her to your parents on your long distance phone calls with them and tell your two ideal brunch buddies about your time with Baby. You were the best coparent for her when I would leave for a week long trip to Europe or weekends away to work conventions. She loved you. You had to know that, and you Mike. She loved you too. But she didn’t love the dogs that would shit all over the backyard on the walkway to the trash. Those assholes.

Her next adventure with a month long excursion to my dad’s house before the final move together. While I worked my last few weeks at the salon to save for the time that I would become a true ‘City’ woman. She would find ways to break into my dad's room to lay on the middle of his bed and sleep. His heater would be right in her direction, while we sat unknowing in his recliner in front of his tv. He didn't want to like her. I know this. But who could meet a cat like Baby and not love her. Who would not love seeing a black cat go on her hind legs to look out the window that you have looked through to see the ongoings of the gentleman club next door. Yes, from grades eighth to age 26 I had lived in an apartment that was a stone throw away from a gentleman’s club that late at night, my dad would wake me up to see out the window and watch as the patrons would take pictures of topless dancers on the sign of the establishment before a game of ‘catch me if you can’ through the usual busy main street formerly known as The Bowery before 1867 however that should be left for another drawn out tale. Baby will have a final destination and despite her short time here, my dream of her sleeping peacefully near me while I lay on my bed on a raining day did come to fruition. Super Bowl LIV, February 2, 2019. Both my birth mother and I are hungover from separate nights from each other. She picks up my stuff, Baby and I. And we head to my current apartment in Brooklyn, New York. A dream that I have had besides the many others that will be done and accomplished, I swear. Baby is free to roam the car but she opts to explore little and sleeps most of the way to hear and then to Long Beach for two nights of rest. She walks around like the fearless cat that she is in any space she is in. Never cowers. Never shows fear or intimidation. She is fucking awesome in all her glory and we live together here for another six months until she seems to not to be herself.

As I live in a time of fear for my health during a pandemic, I don’t realize that Baby could be going through a decrease of quality of life with some kind of kidney failure. It was all too quick the deterioration in her appearance and behavior. I was quick to get her to a vet but the results showed more than we had thought and I had to bring her to an emergency vet. They were so kind but when the doctor told me the treatment that would be done to her, I agreed to then going to reception to find out that I would even have enough money to keep her there for a day of treatment. I paid for blood work, exam fees and medicine just to try and figure a way and she seemed to perk up again and walk her way to her favorite rooms to look out the windows or spy on us watching another extructating episode of White Lines. But she wouldn’t eat. For almost three weeks she wouldn’t eat and I had to force feed her food but she didn't want it. I would just get frustrated and I’m sure she was frustrated with me but why wouldn’t she just eat and take the medicine and be like another girls cat that has had kidney failure for years but the cat was still going? Why?

I knew what was going to happen if I made another appointment. I knew and I didn’t want to know. I just had to make the appointment because what if? What if, despite the week before she was back to her ‘old self’ she got even worse the following week, and couldn’t even walk in a straight line. What if her constant sleeping was just her trying to heal herself? What if I bring her one more time and they have a better option that I can afford and I can bring her home and she could lay right beside me on the bed like she use to and look at me with her beautiful green giant eyes that a kid once said were evil eyes but your are dumb kid, really dumb. What if? That’s not how it goes though. We know in our souls when it’s time to say that horrible and final goodbye. So we push through, kiss them more and hold them close and bring them to the vet. We will wait and listen with tears already shed for the answer we didn’t want. The answer that didn’t fit with the what ifs. And you try to say your goodbye while uttering so many I’m so sorry. This isn’t a mom in hospice or a phone call from the police saying your sibling has passed. It’s nothing close to seeing the numbers of people dying from a virus or you dad getting in an accident and obtaining horrible injuries. Those pains are harsh, and grasping air. Those pains affect the heart, and brain for the rest of your life. Baby is like one in a million pets that people have lost. There will be millions of pets to come and go after my time here. However Baby was mine for a short time, but mine. I love her. I miss her. I feel her but I know she can never be here with me again. Feeling her not in the room with us but still having her body left was eerie. She made me happy, and loved like a familiar to its owner. Her snores by my head will be missed. Her purrs and weight on my chest. Her constant knots in her long hair. Her allowances of my kisses on her head. Goodbye Monica, Goodbye Baby.

END

#personal #personal essay #animals #pets #memior #funny story #sad story #healing #writing #creative writing #essay #artiemoonqueen #writer #relatable #relatability #pet death

[shachaai]

[Ficlet] 1. Holiday Baking | Fridge Jenga

Some DenNor nonsense. (I’d like to take this time to remind everyone about the 2011 Norwegian Butter Crisis. It doesn’t have much to do with this fic - aside from an offside remark -, but it’s something that’s kind of hilarious to read about in retrospect because of the international response at the time.)

   Denmark would not normally call himself a paranoid person - others probably would, but he, himself, wouldn’t even if the only thing carrying his assertion forward, flying in the face of facts, was determinedly blinding, ignorant optimism -, but he’s beginning to get a little suspicious about how, every time he opens Norway’s fridge door these days, the sticks of butter on its shelves seem to be multiplying. Exponentially.

“...Norge?” Denmark calls, fridge door wide open in front of him as he eyes said butter sticks suspiciously. Their number can’t increase if he’s watching them, right? Giving it a prod to see if there’s any hopeful beer-bottle-shaped gaps between the overwhelming dairy. Malevolent entities prefer your blind spots.

“Mm?” Norway half-replies, probably still sitting where Denmark had last seen him, texting on the living room sofa. Passing behind him with a crate of beer in his hands to put away, Denmark had seen a chat open with Romania, along with some kind of discussion about bathtubs, discarded troll limbs and upcycling, and Denmark just. Isn’t going to get involved with that.

“Is your butter off?” he asks instead, looking back over his shoulder on the off-chance Norway might feel involved enough in the conversation to actually come and join him. And explain whatever butter-hell-dimension he’s currently got his fridge hooked up to. “I think it’s breedin’.”

Norway makes that noise of his that probably means he’s amused but could also be a pretty good impression of a cat clearing its throat. “It’s for baking.”

Denmark pauses. And considers that. And the fridge full of butter in front of him - seriously, it’s full, ceiling to floor, with butter sticks even invading the salad boxes and one stick pushing the pouring yoghurt Norway keeps beside his milk in the door for Iceland hard to the back.

And the seven large storage tins sitting on the kitchen benches nearby that Denmark had had to move so he could put the crate of beer down and open the fridge. The seven large storage tins that are no doubt full of syv slag til jul på norsk - the seven sorts of traditional Norwegian Christmas biscuits - that Norway has already made.

Denmark opens one of the tins, just to check, and - yup. Sirupssnipper.

He steals one of the syrupy biscuits to munch, industriously contemplating the space (or lack of it) he has to work with. “Where am I s’pposed to put the beer?”

“Those were for later.” Norway appears as swiftly and silently as a wrathful ghost in his sock-clad feet, and Denmark flails his way sideways into the fridge door.

“Norge!” Denmark does not choke on the sirupssnipper in his mouth in his surprise, but probably only because the spirit of the season means baby Jesus loves him or something. “You have a problem.”

“Yes,” says Norway, and shuts the biscuit tin Denmark had been thieving from with the kind of ominous finality the Atlanteans must have felt when they saw the last really big wave coming. His hair is looking all soft and mussed and pettable today and Denmark had been hoping to run his fingers through it during some snuggling later, but the cool look of Norway’s eyes beneath it now suggests Denmark might lose those selfsame fingers if he tries. “It’s stealing my food.”

“A problem with butter,” Denmark tries again, swallowing around the lump of ill-gotten goods in his throat. Seriously, he knows Norway has been a bit paranoid about stocking up on butter after the year his country’d run out of the stuff just in time for Christmas and all its buttery baking, but the amount in his fridge right now has got to be a little excessive.

Denmark already has an excessive nature; if he thinks it’s bad, it’s gotta be.

“You know it’s not its own food group, yeah? You’ve gotta eat other stuff too. Vegetables and things.”

“You don’t want to clear out my fridge for vegetables though,” says Norway flatly, and, uh, yeah, that’s a point. Looks between Denmark and the crate of beer on his bench.

Denmark puts his hands on his hips. “Are you saying you don’t want beer?”

Norway tilts his head, somehow managing to look down his nose at Denmark despite being the shorter of the two of them. (One day - one day, eventually, after centuries - Denmark will figure out how he manages to do that.) “Are you saying you don’t want my baking?”

Denmark points at the butter-stuffed fridge and clings - vainly - to the moral high ground of reason and sensible dietary decisions. “Who else you gonna feed with this much butter?”

“Island.”

…

Denmark sensibly caves to the inevitable, closes the fridge door, and finds room for his beer in one of Norway’s cupboards before settling down on the sofa in the living room to watch terrible Christmas movies on TV with his host.

Norway, very charitably, rewards Denmark with a selection of his syv slag on a plate, tucking himself up under Denmark’s arm and resuming the conversation on his phone with Romania.

(Later, after the syv slag has gone, the films are over, and Norway has nodded off into a soft agreeable little pile that Denmark will happily scoop up and carry to bed just as soon as he’s sated his morbid curiosity, Denmark checks the fridge again. Just because.

Two new sticks of butter are now sitting in the salad box.)

#working on a prompt list I assembled out of the butchered corpses of four others this December #let's see how well it goes #Shacha fic #DenNor #aph!Denmark #aph!Norway #hetalia #Norwegian Christmas food is so buttery but it's so so good?

[jazzycheshirekitten-blog]

Kar Cat

@croupiergin

Jazz

You are Jasmine Lalonde, most commonly becoming known in this universe as Jazz. Of course that was what you were mainly known as in the universe of your origin, but that's besides the point. Jade had left some time ago and you were soooooo bored. And hungry. ................and lonely but you can't let anyone know that in seriousness............... You suppose you could use the buzzer thing to summon the doctor but this didn't seem like an emergency to you so you just lay there staring at the ceiling. Now and then you mew or sigh a little. Being trapped with nothing but your thoughts sucks.

Karkat

Your name is Karkat Vantas and man, it turns out that war isn't actually all that exciting when it's in the first few subterfudge stages. Especially when you don't really have much to do outside of going to work and helping in small things. One of those small things is going to see if Gwen is busy or needs help in the infirmary today. You're always fond of spending time with her, so. You wander around a bit before opening a door, seeing Jazz inside, and blinking. "Oh, shit!"

Jazz

You're head pops up and you look at the troll at the door. "No shit here. Unless you mean I look like shit which today I won't ague with too much given I was shot," you grin. "Hi there~"

Karkat

"Holy shit, shot? What happened?" You squint at her a little bit, and yeah okay the bright pink hair, the tails, the ears. Who the hell else could it be. "Are you Jazz?"

Jazz

"My reputation proceeds me~" you purr in delight that you don't have to introduce yourself to him. Yes good. Kitty is pleased. "Well as I've had to tell others who come in here, Mr Diamonds shot me thinking I was someone else and brought me here after. I am currently in the process of possibly being hired. But trust is a rare commodity so thus I am..." you yank a little on the cuff on your one arm that holds you to the bed. "Detained."

Karkat

"Oh, shit. That's, uh, pretty fucking wild." You consider it for a second. "Though not surprising. It's a bad time to be cat shaped and unknown in this city. But you seem like you're holding up pretty well, all things considering."

Jazz

"So I hear, but cats land on their feet," you wink. "And who do I happen to be speaking to?" you ask him curiously.

Karkat

"Oh. Karkat. We spoke on the blogs, but I'm not like, shocked you don't recognize me or anything." You walk over and offer out a hand. She seems nice enough so far, and if she's as new as she's said she is, she's probably harmless.

Jazz

You look at the hand then shake it, guessing this is a thing in this universe... Though maybe it was a thing in your universe as well but you were never one to pay attention to social graces. "Nice meeting you in person~ You're a cutie~" are you flirting? Yes. You gotta flirt like you gotta breath.

Karkat

"Uh huh. That's what all the shot catgirls say." You say this as flatly as you can, but there's the faintest blush of red across your cheeks. Even you aren't immune to cute girls

Jazz

You are very good at being cute! You're twin tails wave in the air as you scooch into a relatively comfortable position. "Hmm~ Get shot catgirls that often then?" you question with a wink. Come closer... Look at how cute and pettable you are. Come on now, cute Karkat~

Karkat

"More than I'd hope, less than you'd think." You don't move closer just yet. Call it paranoia. "If you are let out, what're you thinking you'll be doing?"

Jazz

"I'm small but I'm very good at persuasion of various types, if you know what I mean~" you purr as you stretch out an arm and wave it in a paw-like beckoning gesture. "Can I ask you a huuuuuuuuge favor?"

Karkat

".......Sssssure fuck it why not. I didn't come down here because I was super excited for something, after all."

Jazz

In a piteous voice you whine, "Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" You make an adorable pouty lip at him as you look at him with your pupils dilated for the ultimate cute kitten look.

Karkat

You stare at her. You stare at her some more. You conider it for a moment. "So those ears of yours are real"

Jazz

"Extremely real. And my hair is super soft~" you grin as you flick your ears to show him.

Karkat

"...That is super, super fucking cool and also extremely confusing. I'll pet you but don't make it a whole fucking thing." You walk over and give her some good scritches. You're good at petting cats, because of course you lavish uncle Droog's with attention every day.

Jazz

You purr so loudly and mew with happiness. No one has pet you since... it's been a while. You hardly register what he's saying once he's petting you. So you just hum, "Huh?..."

Karkat

Okay, that's probably fine then. It seems like she really is just a big cat. Which begs, uh, a WHOLE lotta questions that can probably wait until she's officially crew or not. You ruffle her ears lightly.

Jazz

You continue to purr and your free arm curls around him and tugs him close so you can rub your cheek on his chest. Oh outer gods he's so wonderfully warm!!! You could sleep on him! "Oh I like you, nya~" you mumble.

Karkat

"Jesse you're cuddly. No wonder uncle Droog gave you a chance." You pause a bit to make sure you don't overpet her. That happens sometimes with cats, okay? And this one might have big claws.

Jazz

The pause earns him a lil kitty pout. "Why'd you stop?"

Karkat

"Oh, uh. Hey. Listen. If I don't take it careful with most cats, they tend to flip their shit and claw me up before looking at me like I've managed to become a war criminal. And it's not like I should be less careful with a human sized one"

Jazz

You giggle in amusement. "While I am very cat, I am also very human and I do have an understanding of when to use my claws and when not to, Karkat~ And clawing a potential coworker would be a rather stupid thing to do," you say with a smile.

Karkat

"Yeah, well. Lotsa folks got lotsa weird instincts. Assuming is a good way to get my ass kicked." You shrug and continue to pet her. She's surprisingly sweet??(edited)

Jazz

Your purrs resume and you are a little less lost in the pets now thank fully. You nod slightly, "Instinct is a fair concern, but I assure you that I have control over my baser instincts and will only cause harm when intended." Deciding you like this one, you also decide that you want him to want you around. "Tell me about yourself?" you ask. You generally only bother with pleasantries with those who are are enjoying and he fits that.

Karkat

"Uhhh." You consider. "I'm the son of one of the dudes who'll be your boss if you're integrated in. I like to tell people that as soon as possible so there's less of a chance of shit being weird if they find out later on."

Jazz

"Oh cool. So given what I know..... I'm going to guess that you are the son of.... Spades Slick? That's the name, yes? I'm pretty good with names I bother remembering," you say playfully.

Karkat

"Hey, good guess! Or, probably less guess and more "huh he looks too scrummy to be Droog's kid and he's not bee themed enough to be Deuces, and Boxcars is not nearly as angry" but you know what? I'm still gonna give you props."

Jazz

"I'll be honest... Diamonds Droog and Spades Slick are the only boss names I know at the moment," you giggle. "You didn't react in a way that indicated Mr. Diamonds is your father when I mentioned him, so I guessed the only other name I knew."

Karkat

"Oh, shit, man. You're gonna fit in great? We love clever shit like that here."

Jazz

You beam at the praise. Yes you are a clever kitty. Let the praises rain down upon you. "I'm glad. I intend to be extremely useful~" You have to admit... You're excited to rip into some people and not think about your problems. "I have a question if you have any knowledge on the topic," you say before meowing once.

Karkat

"Sure, I probably have at least some knowledge. You learn a lot of shit just meandering, around here."

Jazz

"Is having side employment permissible? I am personally interested in breaking into the porn industry," you purr deeply.

Karkat

"Oh. Uhhh." You try very hard not to blush and fail. "It's fine, yeah. I work at one of the casinos. With the...issues going on, though, I dunno how safe it would or wouldn't be. Plus, that's not my area of know how."

Jazz

"Well I'd be recording stuff and uploading it online. It's not like I'd be meeting clients in person," you chirp. What a cute blush~ It makes you nuzzle your cheek on him again. "I suppose I'll have to get approval from those in charge when the time comes~"

Karkat

"It won't be too hard, to be fair. They don't really mind. We're just all a bit, uh, on edge." You wonder how much you should be saying. Though, it is pretty damn obvious what's been going on even to people who have no connection to the gangs.

Jazz

"I am aware the tensions in this city are rising to warring levels. One of the first things I did upon getting here was try to get a basic understanding of the situation at hand," you let him know. "I know someone important died though that is about it."

Karkat

"...Yeah." You clear your throat and make yourself a little more comfortable. "You'll learn more about it if you're let in. Or if you listen enough, anyhow. It's not exactly a great big secret."

Jazz

Your empathy is not great so you don't exactly pick up fully on the cues of his reaction, but you at least know that it wasn't exactly positive. "I'm sorry for your loss," you tell him. That's what normal people say, yes?

Karkat

Don't worry Jazz, empathy is not exactly common in a whole lot of the city. He does look appreciative of it, though, and rubs his chin. "Thanks. Hey, do you need anything down here? I know Miss Paint is a really good lady, but I figure you might want something to entertain yourself."

Jazz

"Oh please!!! I'm gonna die of boredom!" you say dramatically before adding, "Also she's been out a while and I'm getting hungry. Got any fish?"

Karkat

"No fish on me, but I could probably grab some. And, I have like, a shitton of books"

Jazz

Books.... You used to love books so much. Before.... before... "I would greatly appreciate it and some books," you smile. ...... you try not to think of before.... she's gone.

Karkat

"Awesome. I have...mostly romance I'll admit but uhhh I can get you other stuff. I don't think it'd be hard."

Jazz

"I'll take whatever you offer," you tell him with a purr. You're not eager to let go of his warmth, but you do because sadly you cannot keep him forever.

Karkat

"okay." You think about what else you can do. Probably nothing too much. Gwen will eventually return, and Droog hasn't made a proper decision yet. It wouldn't be right for you to fuck things up no matter how much you like Jazz. But... "Are you totally cliche and like milk?"

Jazz

You laugh a little and give him a chagrinned smile, "Most cats are actually lactose intolerant and sadly I am one of them. I am cursed to a life without ice cream."

Karkat

"Oh fuck! Well- Uhh there's tons of non dairy shit in the city at least? Hahaha uhhhh I can bring you something else to make up for this fuck pax." GREAT JOB KARKAT, YOU BIG GODDAMN MORON.

Jazz

You pat his shoulder, "It's alright. It's not a commonly known fact and there's no reason for you to have assumed I am lactose intolerant just because cats are. I like meats the most but if not, most sweets will do."

Karkat

"Cool, awesome. Uhhh, did they take your phone?"That seems like something they'd do for maybe-prisoners.

Jazz

"Yup! Shall be returned when I am tested and not wherever here is. It's only smart business so I understand," you tell him with a smile.

Karkat

"Ahh, alright. Well, I figure you can still contact Paint..." You mumble this last part to yourself. You worry, alright? "Cool, I'll be back in a little bit with the goods."

Jazz

You show him the pager. "In case of emergency I was told, but yes I am not completely without means of contact if required. And I'll be waiting Karkat~"

Karkat

You give her the thumbs up and head back out, mentally berating yourself the whole damn way. You come back in about a half an hour, with the smell of fish, water, and good books attending you.

Jazz

You cheer his return like he is a triumphant hero! "Fiiiiiish!!!!!"

Karkat

"We had some tuna in the fridge, so I just kinda. Cooked it. Uh. I'm not the best cook by any means but it should at least be edible." You put it on the nightstand next to the bed. "And the books- Uh. A couple of history novels, a romance. A recent edition of the newspaper."

Jazz

"That is wonderful. Thank you Karkat," you tell him with a purr. "Can You stay or do you have to go?"

Karkat

"I gotta leave, for work. But at least you got some stuff, right?" You know this sucks. You can't imagine something like this not sucking??

Jazz

Oh you've been cooped up in a much more sucky situation. Maybe he'll unlock your backstory someday~ "This is perfect. Thank you Karkat~" you assure him since you think he'd like that. "I'll be doing fabulous."

Karkat

"No problem." There's the blush again. "I hope I'll get to see you later."

Jazz

You blow him a kiss and wink, "TTFN, Ta ta for now~ Meow!"

Karkat

You think she's hilarious but also makes you very nervous so you can only manage a small laugh before skedaddling. A+ work, Vantas.

Jazz

A cutie. Absolute cuties. In your mind he is on the list of things you consider vaguely yours because you are a cat and you own anyone you like.

#croupiergin #ic #offline #discord rp #long post

[megalotrash]

Somebunny to love

One of the runnerup prizes for my fic raffle went to @badchubbybunny who requested some selfshipping fluff with Papyrus- It’ll be my first reader insert so i hope you enjoy it XD

No tags, just some fluffy romance XD

under the cut: 

As he leaned in a little closer to the frosted glass that separated him and a a few furry legged spiders Papyrus tried ignore that tickle of anxiety up his spine. The great Papyrus was of course not afraid of spiders, that idea was preposterous! He found them quite charming and even enjoyed the company of miss Muffet when she wasn’t trying to feed him to her pet. Papyrus was sure he loved all animals, but a small part of him hoped his human would choose something a little less crawly. 

Papyrus stole a quick glance at where his human was currently cooing at a couple of birds, her smile only growing when the feathered friends chirped back. Bunny giggled happily, the light movement making her blonde hair pick up the reflections of the afternoon light. Papyrus felt his soul hum happily in his ribcage, his datemate really was so beautiful in more ways than one. He started to walk over to where she was stood, a spring in his step from barely contained excitement.

Getting a pet together was something his dating manual had highlighted as a possible thing to do between serious datemates who already lived together. Papyrus knew he could look after a pet, he had always fed his brothers pet rock and even tolerated that annoying dog that had practically lived with them in the underground. He had waited a few months to bring it up as it was a big step, but Bunny had been just as excited as he was! Papyrus could feel that excitement still buzzing in the air now. He wasn’t sure what he was happier about; the idea of getting a pet or that bunny had chosen to get one with him!

“They Seem To Really Like You!” Papyrus Beamed as he came up behind her “Not That I’m Surprised, You Really Are Quite Great Human!”

“Heh thanks, I like them too- but i think i’d like something a little fluffier, skeleton” Bunny teased before winking up at him.

Papyrus had to restrain himself from letting his hand stray downward to swat the soft curve of her backside for her teasing. Bunny had explained that this was not appropriate when they were in public, and Papyrus wouldn’t think of embarrassing his favorite human on purpose. But that didn’t mean he didn’t Want to touch her. He couldn’t wait until they were alone again with their new pet and he could shower them both in love and kisses.

But for now, Papyrus went to survey the rest of the pet store with renewed vigour. He went past a few displays with smaller animals, though some were asleep so he didn’t want to be rude and wake them up. There was a stand with different leaflets on all the different pets and Papyrus made a mental note to return when they had picked what they wanted. Papyrus was determined to be the best pet owner he could be, and a good pet owner did their research! He was so distracted by the display that he almost missed the open space with high walls filled with a few bigger animals.

But then his eyes locked onto the small ball of fluff sitting near the one of the display windows.

Papyrus felt himself melt; there was a small caramel colored rabbit looking up at him with big brown eyes. He had a lot of experience with rabbits, and he could tell this one was probably quite young but it looked very strong and healthy! Papyrus couldn’t help feeling excited, but he tried to contain some of it so he didn’t scare the animal away. He got closer to the run and the rabbit perked up and hopped about a little. This made his smile grow wider, could this rabbit be just as excited to come with them?

“Bunny! HUMAN! I’ve Found A Pet I Think You Will LIke!!” Papyrus called before sitting on the floor in front of the rabbit’s run. A handler came by while he was waiting and asked if he wanted to hold it, to which Papyrus enthusiastically accepted. By the time Bunny had found him Papyrus was sat with the rabbit in his lap stroking it softly.

“P-papyrus, do you know what that is?” Bunny asked hesitantly, he face flushing a bright red.

Papyrus wondered if his human didn’t know what animal this was,  and she felt embarrassed about it. But that was what Papyrus was here for, he was more than happy to explain how nice a pet this was!

“Yes! A Rabbit, I Know Them Well- I Used To Live Near A Family Of Them. They Are Very Polite And Kind And Also This One Is Very Pettable!”

Papyrus demonstrated his point by stroking the rabbits soft fur as it sat in his lap calmly, clearly enjoying the attention. Bunny came to sit in front of him before extending a hand to pet the rabbit as well before she looked back to Papyrus, a soft smile on her features.

“Well, humans usually call them...bunnies”

The penny dropped for Papyrus and he had to resist the urge to leap into his human’s arms with how happy he was. He had to stay calm and think of the rabbit- no- their bunny. But he couldn’t resist an idea he knew would make his human happy.  

“Well Then That Settles It! This Is The Perfect Pet For You!” Papyrus laughed as he spoke, tears forming in his sockets over just how happy he was.

“And I’ll Have Two Bunnies To Love”

#fic raffle winner #my fics #reader insert #Papyrus fic #sfw #fluffy goodness #established relationship

[mirrorteru]

SO there’s this one character surveys from yeeears ago on LiveJournal

LET’S REVISIT IT BECAUSE I

WANT TO DO THESE FOR MY KIDS,

.....starting with Kai,

Body and Appearance

1. Describe the character's height and build. Are they heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

Tall, kinda curvy hips, slightly broad shoulders. Basically kind of hourglass in normal form.

In BR mode, they're just. Really tall, thin, slender, with unnaturally long limbs as well.

2. How old are they?

I've kinda considered their starting mental age was like, 17? Kaito's don't have a set or canon age so... if you add on activation years, mid twenties?

Though, activations years alone, as in, how long they've Actually been 'alive'/active/around, would be about 7 and a half years old right now.

3. Describe their posture. Do they carry themself well or do they slouch?

Tends to stand tall and straight, sometimes with their hands behind their back back/arms crossed behind their back in that sort of-- authority pose.

4. How is their health? Are they fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

uhhhhhhhh

how to put this, since I'm not sure what it'd be considered

There's the whole weird corruption thing going about with them, which affects them physicall as well as.... mentally and spritually. It's physically all up in their hardware and stuff too.

I suppose they could be considered fit as well, I guess. Not... muscular or toned though.

5. How do they move? Are they clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

Their movements tend to be rather graceful, normally. They’re hardly clumsy. If they’re glitching, or deciding to... have some fun... with someone, their movements are still kind of graceful, but also more calculated. Predator-like, especially when definitely in glitch-mode.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How do they perceive themself in the mirror?

Idek, they don't really consider much with their looks at all.

Some of my friends have called them pretty and handsome though?  

7. Describe their complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

Light, paled, honestly slightly grey-ish.

Also, they have blue blood so their blush and wherever blush would show it turns up blue too.

8. Describe their hair: color, texture, style.

A dark blue that fades into a dark reddish--kind of purple at the ends. Mostly since it's... reddish mixed with the blue. So.

Texture is verrrrrrrry soft. Very pettable.

Style is... well, a bit longer than some Kaito units, vaguely wavy and kind of curves at the ends--- bangs curve as well.  Kinda floof.

9. What color are their eyes?

A dark blue, vaguely indigo. Pupils look slit, like a cats. Or demons. Depending on your view on Kai I suppose. Tend to be without highlights as well.

Can turn red if their system indicates a potentially fatal/dangerous error, though. But that comes in steps. Usually, red light in their pupils first, then a red ring in their eyes around the pupil area, then flickers, then totally red. The red coloration doesn't look exactly 'natural' though, since the pupil is bright along with the red ring, while the base behind it is a dark red.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

They tend to have a kind of wide, thin toothy grin for a smile. It's--- not a real smile, but it's common on them as a default.

Their scarf can turn into scarf arms too, and they go between being sneaky to obvious with them. The previously mentioned slit pupils could count as well.

11. What are their chief tension centers?

Shoulders, likely. And shoulder blades, especially in keeping with a straight tall posture most of the time.

12. What is the character's wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit?

Their actual wardrobe is surprisingly big for someone who seems to only ever wear one outfit. They have their default, slightly, regal, dark modified Kaito V3 coat with their symbol on the chest.

Their usual thought on casual is simply taking that off, though they aren’t entirely comfortable having it off. Underneath is a slightly darker Kaito V3 shirt, the turtlenecked sleeveless thing.

Within their wardrobe though, is a collection of various outfits, mostly also dark themed. Some tacky sweaters specifically for winter as well.

They also have a nice collection of dresses, varying for more elegant gothic lolita types to vaguely aristocratic. More mature-type styles.

13. Do their clothes fit well? Do they seem comfortable in them?

Yes, actually! Their clothes are pretty much a perfect fit. ...Well, at least in their normal-looking form. Though they can be modified for BR mode too, quite easily. But it’s likely if they’re going to wear any sort of outfit outside of their default one, they’d stick to looking normal.

14. Do they dress the same on the job as they do in their free time? If not, what are the differences?

They....... don’t have a job. Unless you count maintaining the island, but that doesn’t require a different outfit.

Performing for covers might depend though, but usually there’s not much need for a change there either.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?

Boxer-briefs.

Speech

1. What does this character's voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

Uh.

Like this.

When it comes to being a Kaito unit with a Kaito voice, they tend to go with their Soft voicebank. Soft, gender factor heightened a bit(or, tone slightly lowered in other words.), ocassionally mixed a slight bit with the straight VB.

Their voice is usually smooth, though their voice has the tendency of glitching depending on their emotions. The glitching can be skipping, sounding more pitch-snapped, broken record-sounding on some sounds, mixed with static, and something akin to pokemon glitch noises.

2. How do they normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Do they talk easily, or do they hesitate?

Soft, evenly. Precisely. Usually speaks easily, unless tripped up by unforseen turns of events. They’re rarely loud unless glitching and Enraged.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

...There’s like, a few ways to answer this--

Like, I mean. On one hand, they could sound like this(I only have song examples I haven’t done talkloid examples I’m sorry,,,), and have the tics and quirks related to that.

On the other, it depends on how the voices for GVF-loids actually work since i’m Not Sure, especially since they were raised by an american kid who also apparently has an accent everyone keeps pointing out as sounding british/european/ ? ? ? ?? despite never being to anywhere in Europe eir whole life.

and ironically when I asked about accents for kai it seemed the way they talk evokes something of a similar feeling-- either that or new england/canadian-ish, but....

So uh, yeah. It depends. To be safe, assume the former. To have fun in imagining, or if somehow someone’d voiceact them... ... the... latter......? not that that’s very descriptive or certain anyway, but. Still.

---Oh, also, when messing around they sometimes go sing-song a little too, or that kind of... playful~ feel. 

4. What language/s does he speak, and with how much fluency?

---hahaha again this entirely depends on how it actually works.

Like, They’re a KAITO unit. Kaito units are Japanese Vocaloids.

But again, they were raised by an american kid. Who didn’t know Japanese.

So it again depends on how Vocaloids in that world work out. Maybe they had language capabilities early on? or at least by the time Teru got them.

For sure English at least though, and definitely can -sing- Japanese.

5. Do they switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

Nope.

6. Are they a good impromptu speaker, or do they have to think about their words?

They generally have to think about their words, but usually doesn’t take noticeably long. Impromptu speeches might be kinda tricky.

7. Are they eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?

Eloquent, generally. 

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Are they book-smart or street-smart?

They’re quite smart! They can figure things out and come to conclusions, connect the dots, quickly. 

They might be a little street-smart too, or at least pre-BR and secluding themselves.

2. Do they think on their feet, or do they need time to deliberate?

Typically need at least a little bit of time to deliberate, but if they really need to think on their feet they’d try their best-- not a pro at it though.

3. Describe the character's thought process. Are they more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

Generally logical, and practical. They tend to try to keep an eye on what’s going on or what someone is doing, while not bringing it up immediately unless it seems necessary

4. What kind of education has the character had?

They’ve had, like, no schooling. Never been to a school as a student. 

They do, however, catch on and are able to learn quickly with whatever they want to learn about-- they just teach themself and not in a classroom setting.

5. What are their areas of expertise? What, if anything, are they interested in learning more about?

Cooking! Potentially alright with engineering too, since they built Nana and Blue-- though that was totally self-taught, while with cooking they learned by cooking with Teru.

They likely tend to look up things like weather patterns and how various types of landscapes, biomes, geographies work for the sake of the island as well. They’re also interested in space, even if they can’t get to see ‘actual’ outer space.

6. Are they an introvert or an extrovert?

Introverted, very much an introvert. 

7. Describe the character's temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

It’s... weird? They can keep themself in check sometimes, they generally can have the vibe of some sort of calmness--- but at the same time, especially thanks to their glitches (and corruption), their temper can be noticeable sometimes.

(not to mention once in glitch-mode, they-- have an unnerving calmness to them that just, seemingly out of nowhere sometimes bubbles up into sudden bursts of rage that can leave as quickly as they came.)

They’re --- also more melancholy than anything, by default. They’re laid-back and mellow when they’re by themself/with Rin/not messing with some random person.

8. How do they respond to new people or situations? Are they suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

Typically a little suspicious. It entirely depends on how the new person seems to be though, and if anyone’s with them at the same time, or if they know they new person might already get along with Rin or not.

If Rin’s with them, or they know Rin’s fine with this person they themself haven’t met yet, they tend to--- still be a little suspicious, but calmer and polite.

If they don’t know the new person at all and Rin isn’t with them, and doesn’t know them--- Kai’s likely to decide to have a little Fun with the person, being kiiiind of a creep and messing with them.

---Whether or not that continues, goes overboard, or if they end up switching back to more calmer/polite/kind at a point depends on the individual and what they do/how they act/what seems to be going on with the person.

For situations in general, they--- stay suspicious and cautious, in general. But that also depends on the new situation. 

9. Are they more likely to act, or to react?

--again, depends on the situation. They’ll act if that seems to be the best option, they’ll wait to react if that seems the best.

If it’s dangerous though, they might be more likely to act to make sure nothing else happens, I guess.

10. Which is their default: fight or flight?

Fight. Especially since they’re--- a lot more durable and capable now. Pre-BR they also still had it more at a fight response, though they knew when to run too.

11. Describe the character's sense of humor. Do they appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

They appreciate jokes! Puns make them groan though, but sometimes still can’t help but chuckle.

Their own sense of humor can be considered kind of dark, though. If not that, sometimes it’s kind of teasing. Depends on who they’re with. 

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how do they deal with them?

---I’ll be honest I kind of keep away from talking about this with my muses a lot since I fear things seeming--- .. bad?

or wording things bad

but I mean given everything that’s happened in their life as well

but uh

slides to the next question

13. What moments in this character's life have defined them as a person?

--Likely... realizing how young Teru was despite being their Masuta, the twins activations, seriously glitching for the first time, accidentally stabbing Teru’s eye out, the Third-kun incident...

some other thing in between all of that that I’ve had vague thoughts about but probably falls within the glitching for the first time 

14. What do they fear?

Bees, needles, getting worse and giving in to their glitched thoughts too easily and losing themselves to corruption.......... losing Rin....

15. What are their hopes or aspirations?

They actually... don’t have many. They do just hope for Rin and the rest to have a good life and keep her safe, at least. They don’t have many aspirations for themself, though.

16. What is something they don’t want anyone to find out about them?

The fact that their glitched thoughts and glitch mode is really tempting and can feel enjoyable to them when they’re in it, the full scope of the BR stuff...

Relationships

1. Describe this character's relationship with their parents.

I mean. They don’t have parents, they’re an android.

And even then, they don’t know who their creator was, even in being garage-built. 

Closest would be Teru, being their Masuta? but even then, it’s a weird situation since Teru literally got them when ey was 14, so even if they were barely activated, they were--- still ‘set age’ older than em. So it’s like. Teru was also like a little sibling while also--- vaguely--- parental?

while Kai was like a big brother/sibling but-- also vaguely parental/mom-like even from then. 

...Familial. Most that can be easily said, I guess. They used to get along very well regardless, and were actually very close.

Though, because of the Third-kun incident... that changed. Believing Teru betrayed and lied to them, they’ve held a grudge against em ever since.

But it’s also... complicated because--- part of them--- kinda knows the situation... couldn’t of been how they assumed? But a louder part keeps believing that was the case. They still--- hold some affection towards Teru and, well, that’s partially why Teru isn’t injured or dead right now, given how they can lash out, especially after that event.

Teru pretty much blames emself for it regardless, so. They also likely haven’t interacted or talked in a long time.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

Well I just went slightly in-depth with their relationship with Teru above so no need repeating that

Meanwhile, there’s also the other mansion fams--- or uh, the other Vocaloids Teru owns. Since Kai was the very first, they’re pretty much The Big Brother/Sibling.

 - ...but, that doesn’t mean they all get along or trust them. Kai’s first ‘greeting’ for Sonika was shaving her head, which... is a poor first impression. She’s been weary of them ever since.

 - Ritsu was next, and--- well, things didn’t work out there either, not helped by Ritsu’s own temper and general distrust for people as a Default. As well as being kinda rude. They both became kind of cruel in teasings in retaliation to.... each other basically.  Eventually it settled, but--- Ritsu still hates Kai like a Burning.

 - The Kagamine’s were next, a Christmas present from Teru’s family. Kai pretty much instant had feelings of wanting to protect and care for both of them..

 - Len became more--- cautious though, and given how Kai kind of acted some times, didn’t trust them.Their potential temper, occasional dark jokes, and such-- didn’t make Len comfortable. Mixed with finding out about the whole shaving Sonika’s head thing as a ‘greeting’.....

Kai did notice Len becoming more cautious and suspicious of them, which. Bothered them. Especially since Len was their little brother, basically--- They wanted Len to trust in them and be okay with them but. Never could quite get it right.

 - Rin though, wanted to give Kai a chance, despite Len’s caution. From the start she ended up learning and believing in the good in people, keeping a positive attitude. Not naive though, she’s aware of how bad things can get and kinda were in the world, but--- she still kept hope.

So, this translated out also to Kai. Despite Sonika’s reservations about them and Len’s worries, she saw more good in them than even they kinda knew. So, even from the beginning, she was willing to get close and be with her big brother, get to know them, have some fun with them. She was happy to do so,

The two would also sometimes get into some mischief, but if Kai started getting a bit too far she’d reel it in. 

Truthfully, despite all that, Kai did believe that after the Third event happened, that even she would likely give up and be disgusted with them for all that happened. She likely must of liked that new unit better, right? And now he was gone. By their hands. Especially with what little of those memories still remained.

...but, they were wrong. Rin went to see them a week after to make sure they were okay, and stuck by them even then.

...they didn’t quite understand, but they were thankful. ...though, at the same time, it kinda did Worry them about her, and even now, a few years later from that, she’s helped her a lot but-- they still don’t quite... trust themself.

Rin does though. They might not see a lot of good in themself, but she does.

 - Tei was after them, and--- well. It’s not exactly negative? Tei actually-- relates to them a bit, especially with the glitches. However, considering Len’s caution, worries, and distrust over them, she typically just... steers clear of Kai.

Kai has nothing against Tei for it either, though if anything, kinda does find her slight obsession with Len uncomfortable.

 - Lapis, the small faerie Vocaloid, preeeetty much has always been intimidated by Kai. She’s generally quite timid, so she’s--- easily intimidated in general, but especially with Kai and their... slight vibes because of glitches and such didn’t help. 

Kai did try to be gentle with her though, trying to watch what they did/said but-- slip ups would still happen.

It’s also... kind of likely that that also frustrated them greatly, which--- well, wouldn’t lead to good things.

The whole Third situation and BR didn’t help at all either, the vibes that stuff would give off to her makes her even more terrified.

 - Mayu was after, and they actually used to get along quite well! Nice small chats, having tea together (with Rin too), nice relaxing times despite everything. Another little sister, so.

Unfortunately, after the Third situation... she came to hate Kai, since, as far as she’s aware, and theorizes, they likely killed Third out of jealousy-- being the accidental new KAITO V3 unit, and Kai fearing replacement. She had gotten close to Third in the few months he was actually around, and after that all happens... she’d find it hard to forgive Kai.

Kai’s aware of this as well, and actually... feels pretty terrible about it. Chooses not to think on it often, though.

 - Kiyoteru--- is weird since while he was after the island situation, he’s still...? part of the family. 

Kiyoteru is pretty much more than fine for Kai, and has kind of an interest in them too. Though, that might be because they’re the closet to a high demon that’s on the island.

Kai’s kind of unaware of that all though, but is just kinda glad Kiyo has nothing against them.

 - Rana’s also weird since she’s a rogue unit that just kinda popped up on the island, asserted herself, became part of the family that way.

...Rin at least gets along with her at least and considers her a very good friend, so Kai doesn’t mind her a lot. Even if her assertion is slightly irritating.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom they are close? Are there ones they can't stand?

I mean, again, no blood relatives, they’re an android. 

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them?

AS OF CURRENT BLOG TIME, not really except for--- potentially Kachessa and Rook? But--- that might also one of the next couple of questions better.

Planned though for the future (and toyed with in private) are Kaitou, maybe Ren and Star, also potentially Mint and Pepper.

Though as of now with the reboot they haven’t met Any Of Them, but there are plans. (I mean, aside from Pepper currently, with that interaction thread going. www should be fun )

5. Who is/was the character's best friend? How did they meet?

Rin counts a lot currently as a best friend, while also little sister! Very close regardless.

6. Do they have other close friends?

Kachessa counts right? She popped up in the island and at least in this verse kinda got stuck there. But she and Kai get along real well, and Rook-- her son--- is there too,

Luka definitely counts as well. They get along quite well, too.

7. Do they make friends easily, or do they have trouble getting along with people?

Oh goodness. Again, it entirely depends on the situation or person, but if I had to say a definitive, they do kiiiiind of likely have trouble, which happens when you’re first general reaction to seeing an new, unknown person appear in your territory is ‘....haha let’s give a ~fun~ greeting~’

and by fun I mean kinda messed up/creepy

...also, even past that, they kind of have a difficult time telling when it’d be proper to consider someone a friend, so...

8. Which do they consider more important: family or friends?

I mean, they kinda adopt close close friends in their mind as family so--- Both are important---

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Have they been married more than once?

Nnnnope, never married, not interested in ever marrying either.

Can androids even get married in the GVF-verse? 

10. Are they currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?

Again. Not married. Not interested. Also, they’re aromantic too so---

11. Who was their first crush? Who is their latest?

Irrelevant, I don’t think they’ve really ever crushed on anyone ever

12. What do they look for in a romantic partner?

points at past couple questions

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how do they relate to them? If no, does he want any?

No, and no.

14. Do they have any rivals or enemies?

...Not at the moment? That I’m aware of, anyway, idek if they would of made some enemies pre-br or anything. Will is a potential enemy but they don’t even know he exists, so.

15. What is the character's sexual orientation? Where do they fall on the Kinsey scale?

I mean, they’re Aromantic Asexual. But guys are more aesthetically pleasing to them in a sense? It’s likely they thought about this before but kinda ignored it/not knowing what to make.

How does it even count when you’re agender, not even I’m totally sure on that, and I’m agender too. but man I’m not gonna get into that in a character survey,

16. How do they feel about sex? How important is it to them?

not important at all, no interest in it no need for it no attraction to it either.

17. What are their turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?

nope

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character's astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type?

Dude I have no idea, if I go with their activation date I think they’d be a Cancer, but in reality I have no idea what kind of chart would Actually Fit Them. 

I mean, I love astrology, but I do wonder how it’d work with Androids---

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in their life?

...hhhhonestly they’re at a weird spot with it.

They’re aware souls exist, they they and other androids in general likely have souls-- but...

it’s... weird? They aren’t sure about religions or what’d be ‘right’ or what they believe in with that stuff. They’ve looked into spiritual stuff in general before, but... yeah, they don’t know where they stand or believe with that stuff. Literally getting turned into some vague eldritch monster in a pocket dimension also kinda muddied it up.

Magic clearly exists. Souls clearly exist. The heck does it all count in? 

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

---While their moral compass can be a little screwy, they do believe in protecting those they care about. They also at least keep to basic things like, not stealing, and stuff.

But ah-- mainly because of their glitches (and corruption), it gets kinda skewed in messing with people, or... killing. And punishments, if pushed far.

They’re Chaotic Good/leaning on Neutral.

4. How do they regard beliefs that differ from theirs? Are they tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

Actually kind of curious, even if they don’t know where they stand on some of their own. Tbh as long as they aren’t bothering other people with it (or like, ruining peoples lives with it or trying to push stuff that would ruin peoples lives) they’re pretty much alright.

5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them?

I mean, humans are pretty fragile. Dunno if that counts though.

Daily Life

1. What is the character's financial situation? Are they rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

Pre-BR, it-- changed a lot? When they were first activated, Teru wasn’t rich at all. Also, just 14. However, thanks to Sonika starting a fashion brand, working on her clothes and selling them, their family in general started becoming more well-off.

As is now, it doesn’t matter a lot. Though it is possible there’s still money on-hand, they don’t need to use it on the island. Everything is just provided.

2. What is their social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected them?

---See above. Though as for social status I’m not sure, I can’t see them wanting too much to go in the lime-light, or, well, at least Kai and Teru wouldn’t. The additional money at least helped with financial worries, though?

Though they did kind of have small fantasies of becoming super rich, not having to worry about a thing, all of them living in their own big ol’ mansion on their own property.......

3. Where do they live? House, apartment, trailer? Is their home their castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Do they share it with others?

A Freaking Mansion. A dark-colored one, as that. It’s pretty much their castle too, a base of operations, a shelter to hide themself in. It’s kept up with very well, and they’re willing to share it with anyone they care for-- but, mostly, they just share it with Rin (who has her very own room in it despite also having her own place with Len), and their pet cat Kou.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what do they spend their money on?

--Again, no need to use money themself. Pre-BR was mainly ice cream though, surprise surprise.

...though I guess if needed, potential games or such for Rin too. I’m--- not actually sure how they GET to the island in the first place, but. Handwave. Magic.

5. What do they do for a living? Are they good at it? Do they enjoy it, or would they rather be doing something else?

They don’t... do anything for a living? The most they do is cook a lot and try reading books to learn new things or just for the sake of it. Also, always cooking.

But none of it is done for money, just their own enjoyment/wants/to feed Rin and Kou.

6. What are their interests or hobbies? How do they spend his free time?

Cooking! Also, reading. For a while on their spare time they would also tinker with Nana and Blue back when they were working on the two, is was a big learning experience making them.

But yeah, in general they either cook food or snacks in their free time, or just read. Might also read up on stuff Rin is interested in, too.

7. What are their eating habits? Do they skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

....well, pre-BR they tried to eat a regular 3 meals a day. Post-BR, they don’t even -need- to eat, so they--- tend to uh. Not eat often, save for tasting when cooking.

...also, they’ve never tried alcohol at all before, and REALLY don’t care too. Given they hear descriptions of it messing with self control or somethin’, they think that + their glitches would likely equal disaster.

They also mainly kind of avoid spicy foods, they are Really, Really Weak to spiciness. 

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is his favorite:

1. Color? Dark blue, or purple. Sometimes reds. 2. Smell? Warm baked goods, vaguely sweet 3. Time of day? Evening, Dusk 4. Season? Fall/Winter 5. Book? i don’t read books enough to have one in mind 6. Music? this song, or this 7. Place? The parks at night, or a fancy mansion. Or a chefs kitchen-- 8. Substance? ice cream. ...br goop? ...ice? I don’t really know what this is asking for, 9. Plant? blue or black roses maybe? there were also these dark blue/purple lilies I saw at the store once. ...though really I have no clue for this one. 10. Animal? Cats

#mansionkai #character survey #*headcanons;

[theconservativebrief]

Thanksgiving is all about traditions: the all-day food preparation, the arguments over which side dish reigns supreme, the 6,000-calorie food coma, and, for many American families, a viewing of a football game.

But in a world that seems to get more terrifyingly chaotic by the day, and where the health risks of football are increasingly well understood, I’d like to argue for an alternative tradition: an annual viewing of the utterly nonviolent, soothingly adorable National Dog Show.

Every year, pedigreed dogs of all shapes and sizes (and their dedicated handlers and groomers) gather outside Philadelphia to vie for fame and glory. The competition is broadcast on Thanksgiving Day at noon; here are four reasons it’s well worth a watch, even if you’re (gasp) a cat person.

Hosts David Frei (left) and John O’Hurley with 2014 Best in Show winner Nathan the bloodhound. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show is always held in the Philadelphia area; it’s hosted by the Kennel Club of Philadelphia and sanctioned by the American Kennel Club. The city has a long history with purebred dog shows; the first dates back to 1876 at the Centennial Exposition, and a version of the National Dog Show has been held annually since the early 1900s (with a break from 1928 to 1932, during the Great Depression).

The National Dog Show is one of just six “benched” dog shows in the US, which means participating dogs must be present at the show and accessible to the public for the entire time, unless they are competing, exercising, or being groomed. (Unbenched shows, by contrast, only require the dogs to be present when their breed or other round is being judged.) So, yes, this means that if you snag tickets to the National Dog Show (which are pretty cheap!), you can actually go backstage to meet the dogs. And as Philly.com points out, “[A]s long as you ask first and they haven’t just gotten their fur done, many, if not most, dogs are pettable.”

Backstage at the 2017 National Dog Show. Yes, I went. Yes, it was the best. Tanya Pai/Vox

But make sure you ask before you touch, because a show dog’s grooming process is often elaborate and very time-consuming. A standard poodle, for instance, could need three hours just for a shampoo and blow-dry, not to mention the traditional shave of fur into complicated geometric tufts to achieve what’s known as the “continental trim.”

(Fun fact: While that style now is purely decorative, it used to be functional, as David Ramsey explained for the National magazine. Poodles served as German water retrievers, and the poofs of hair kept their joints and organs warm in the water while the rest of their fur was shaved to help keep them afloat. Even the little puff on the tail was useful as a rudder.)

This poodle did not wake up like this. Bill McCay/NBC/Photo Bank

The National Dog Show is just one of countless canine competitions in the US. One of the best known is the Westminster Dog Show, held at Madison Square Garden, which has also been around since the late 19th century and, until recently, even shared a host with the National Dog Show: David Frei, who ended his gig with Westminster after the 2016 event due to a network agreement that saw the Westminster broadcast moving to Fox Sports (previously, both shows were broadcast by NBC networks).

The largest dog show in the world is Crufts, which is held in Birmingham, England, and is considered the pinnacle of doggy achievement. To enter, dogs must qualify by placing highly in another Kennel Club–licensed show, sort of like how people who want to run the New York Marathon have to qualify in a previous race first. Most delightfully and bizarrely of all, Crufts, unlike other dog shows, features a “heelwork” round, which involves dogs and their costumed handlers basically performing a dance routine to music.

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Everything about this photo is A+. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show divides its more than 2,000 participants into seven groups: terrier, toy (Pomeranians, Chihuahuas, Shih Tzus), sporting (golden retrievers, pointers), working (boxers, Great Danes), hound, herding (English sheepdogs, Border collies), and non-sporting (everything else, including Dalmatians and French bulldogs). Each dog breed is judged individually; the winner from each breed participates in the group round, and the top dog from each group goes on to compete for the vaunted Best in Show award.

The judges look for the following:

Is this dog able to perform the job the breed was originally bred to do? Does this dog have all of the physical characteristics typical of their breed? How fit is the dog? Do they have the correct gait? Lastly, the judges study the expression on the dog’s face and general demeanor. Judges look for happy dogs that enjoy competing in the show.

The fascinating thing from a viewer’s perspective is the sheer variety of breeds these groups encompass. You’re probably familiar with several of the American Kennel Club–recognized breeds that compete at the National Dog Show: your Labradors and pugs, your mastiffs and fox terriers. You may even remember an odd breed or two from previous competitions; Westminster 2013, for instance, taught America how to pronounce “Affenpinscher” (which means “monkey-like terrier” in German) thanks to Best in Show winner Banana Joe. But it’s likely that even doggie die-hards won’t be familiar with every one of the 200-plus breeds recognized, and the National Dog Show adds new ones nearly every year.

Can you name all these breeds? David Frei can. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

It doesn’t help that several of them are very rare and sound like something out of a J.K. Rowling novel: wirehaired vizslas, Keeshonds, Portuguese Podengo Pequenos, Bouviers des Flandres. And part of the joy of watching the show is hearing Frei and John O’Hurley, longtime hosts of the television broadcast, read off the various breed names with obvious glee, letting every syllable roll off their tongues as each unfamiliar-looking beast takes the arena.

The hosts also bring their deep dog knowledge to the commentary, resulting in a mix that’s both informative and irreverent. After watching the National Dog Show, you’ll know not only that the weird mop-like creature on the cover of Beck’s Odelay is a Komondor but also that those fur cords require less maintenance than you’d expect. (Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will also reprise their Olympics partnership for the show, interviewing competitors and providing backstage commentary.)

This year, the dog show has approved two new breeds for competition. The Grand Basset Griffon Vendéen (the name translates, approximately, as “large, low, shaggy dog of the Vendée”) is a scenthound from France whose “whose mustache, beard, and profuse eyebrows suggest the look of a worldly but amiable Frenchman,” per the American Kennel Club. And the Nederlandse Kooikerhondje (also known as the “Dutch decoy dog”) is a red-and-white spaniel-type dog once used to lure ducks.

Fluffy, fluffy drama. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

Don’t let the genteel air fool you: As with any competition, dog shows bring out rivalries, the potential for huge upsets, and occasional scandals. In 2015, for example, a prize-winning Irish setter named Jagger died after the Crufts show and the owners discovered poison in his stomach, leading to accusations of murder by a competitor. Perhaps unsurprisingly, mainstream news outlets from Vanity Fair to Mashable picked up the story.

And the cutthroat competition isn’t just about owners’ love for their pets: Dog shows are a very expensive (and only occasionally profitable) endeavor. Buying a purebred dog can cost up to $5,000, Dr. Jerry Klein, the American Kennel Club’s chief veterinary officer, told the New York Times. Then there’s the price of training, grooming, and feeding, and the costs for entering and traveling to shows, along with handlers’ fees. For really big shows like Westminster, some owners even shell out big for a “campaign” — literally an advertising blitz touting a winning dog’s success at shows and in dog magazines. As the Times reported:

Ms. Wiest [a Labrador breeder] said she spent between $27,000 and $30,000 on a campaign for Baccara, who was the No. 1-ranked Labrador in 2014. Going into Westminster, the dog was a favorite to do well. But she didn’t even win her breed.

However, even winning Best in Show isn’t exactly akin to winning the lottery: At the National Dog Show, the top prize comes with a check for around $1,500; Westminster’s reward, says the Times, is merely a commemorative pewter bowl. But champion dogs can bring in money another way — as breeding stock. Puppies of major-show champs have reportedly sold for as much as $25,000, and a dog’s semen alone could go for $2,000.

Yet despite the high financial stakes, sometimes the drama simply stems from the fact that the competitors are still, well, animals. Though the dogs are highly trained, there’s always a chance something will go awry — with often amusing results. Accidents happen on the show floor, and occasionally a dog has other plans for how the day should go, like at Westminster 2015, when an impatient Leonberger named Dario decided he didn’t feel like waiting until after his round to snag a treat or two.

Giphy

2016 Best in Show winner Gia the greyhound, whose full name is GCH Grand Cru Giaconda, CGC. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

What’s in a name? For show dogs, a lot. You won’t find any Fidos and Rovers on the show circuit; instead, you’ll hear names like CH Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot (a Scottish terrier who won that National Dog Show’s Best in Show title in 2009) or Raydachs Playing With Fire V Gleishorbach (a fittingly long name for a long-bodied dachshund). The dogs also have nicknames, or “call names,” which is how the incredible “Lafford Fly Me Too Farleysbane,” a Papillon, becomes the more prosaic “Dave.”

While these monikers might seem overly complicated, even nonsensical, there is some rhyme and reason to them. The name of the kennel where the dog was born is usually included. Then there’s the part of the name that’s individual to the dog and can really be anything — an owner’s favorite song or movie character, the name of a beloved athlete, etc. Breeders will often theme litters’ names around a certain subject to help distinguish one litter from the next. And if a puppy happens to be born to prize-winning dogs, it may get a name that combines or references the names of its prestigious parents.

Once a dog achieves certain qualifications or wins certain prizes, its name gets amended with letters designating the specific title won: CH for champion, CWSG for world show champion, and so on; these can be a prefix or a suffix depending on the designation. (The American Kennel Club has a detailed — and long — list of all the designations.) So when you’re watching the dog show on Thanksgiving and GCH Kiarry’s Pandora’s Box appears on your screen, you can truly appreciate the thought process that brought about that particular string of words.

Happy Thanksgiving indeed. Virginia Sherwood/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show airs Thursday, November 22, at noon (all time zones) on NBC. For some highly entertaining insight into the life of a show dog, I recommend reading this glorious 1995 profile of Biff the boxer by Susan Orlean.

Original Source -> Forget football. The National Dog Show is Thanksgiving’s best entertainment.

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief