#it made you withdraw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anxietyvent376 · 1 year

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i am so insanely afraid that if I recover from this mindset I will go back to feeling the same kind of unshakeable loneliness I carried for the 8 years before I met the friends I can't allow myself to have this year. Why is it that right when I find good friends, I can't be a good one to them? Why is this shit so crushing? Why can't I handle myself? I need to get better and that requires being able to isolate myself from people but I don't fucking want to. I want to learn how to be a person and still be happy while I discover myself. I don't want to be alone

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420jimmyuso · 7 months

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judgment day (+ jd) tweets again i have like 8000000 sorry guys clearly i’m insane 💯

give me a blunt and 30 minutes and i can convince finndamian they r gay

me in triple h’s office bargaining with him to make finndamian kiss 🤬

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coquelicoq · 6 months

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after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA #i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol #but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be #and sent him this text #and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason #i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process #but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol)#and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it #which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this #but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me #sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time!#and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends #it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay #baby steps! working on it!#i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know #so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things #but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this

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gingergari · 1 month

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happy tdov! got another spidersona for ya! :]

'parker' is in between names right now but that doesn't stop him from being the spiderman of his dimension!

their dimension is fairly desaturated so the appearance of our favorite red and blue hero is a disturbance in more ways than one

gwen stacy becomes his 'guy in the chair' after she figures out that he's spiderman :]

#gari draws #gari’s ocs #oc: parker #spiderman #spiderverse #that side profile had hands oh my god 😭#I started this. september 2023. it's older than the piece with mario holding mela and pera #I just consistently forgot about it before making the push to finish it for tdov #since. you know. I made them from earth 331 #he's closeted in his secret identity but as you can see. presents masc as spiderman. don't expect a spider-person to be strict on health #gwen and parker went to the same all girls middle school before moving on to a co-ed high school and were good friends #before parker started being weird/withdrawing for several reasons #she figures out that he's spiderman but NOT that he was trans so when she was going over her evidence he just kinda awkwardly blurts it out #I think it would be nice for parker's new name to be ben but I have been unsuccessful in researching trans renaming + the jewish naming #after the dead thing so he could also be peter. but I want him to be ben bc that would be kinda boring. if anyone has a good source lmk #aunt may is supportive!#idk parker has any special powers. but that isn't set in stone

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badolmen · 3 months

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The ‘vote blue no matter who!’ crowd is starting to get on my nerves. Like, I’m trying not to give away the game, but do they even know that we’re playing?

The point of loudly denouncing Biden and the Democrats NOW is to threaten them into stopping a fucking genocide that’s happening NOW. It is the only (legal) way we can threaten them as their constituents. It’s a game of fucking chicken! If the Dems were legitimately concerned about ceding office to Trump, they would take action NOW to try and recapture voters. But they don’t because they think they can get away with literal genocide and still win the Oval Office because voters like you are too chicken or too paralyzed to make a simple threat.

I don’t give a fuck what you do in the ballot box come November but jfc this is about collective bargaining and you cowards can’t even pretend to give enough of a fuck about a genocide to threaten your reps like??? Grow a fucking spine and do the bare fucking minimum of voicing your solidarity.

#ra speaks #personal #us politics #vote blue no matter who #genocide joe #YOU 👏 CAN 👏 LIE 👏! you can say out loud in public ‘I’m not going to vote for Biden’ and vote for genocide Joe in November anyway #I can’t say i (random internet user) will think highly of that future decision but at least you MADE A THREAT even if you couldn’t stomach #carrying it through. god. you claim to care and know so much about how broken the system is #but you can’t even play one of the few games we have left as voters to get leverage against people who do not care abt us.#‘trump will be worse!’ WHO IN PALESTINE WILL LIVE TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU CANT MAKE A THORNLESS THREAT TO A MAN WHO IS ‘BETTER’#‘we know you’re not firebombing Walmart op’ IM NOT. IM MAKING A POLITICAL THREAT OF WITHDRAWING MY SUPPORT.#IT IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING LEAST I CAN DO.#my followers know I’m very much a ‘everybody wants a glorious Revolution but no body wants to do the dishes’ kinda anarchist #I believe in the little incremental victories of mutual aid and community gardens.#but incremental victories will not save lives in Palestine right now. this is the time to BLUFF and THREATEN the ‘lesser evil’#into being you know. LESS FUCKING EVIL.#if you reblog this be real niceys to me or at the very least be fucking normal.

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pillowprincessvarric · 3 months

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Anyways like others on twitter, now that I've had some time to meditate on the The Cut article I'm feeling like the author is leaving out a lot because none of that actually makes any fucking sense.

#you literally aren't allowed to withdraw 50k in one transaction at like Any Bank #best case scenario is that she's lying to save face #(the only thing more embarrassing than. all that. is admitting that the bank sat you down with a rep #who spent an hour convincing you not to do this and made you sign a bunch of paperwork. and you still did it.)#worst case scenario is reddit style ragebait has hit real publications. and we're all going to hell forever

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cosmicluzer · 10 months

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FUCKING GOD DAMMIT!!!!

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autisticandroids · 2 years

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DEAN: Cas, I just can't...

[youtube]

dean's perspective on godstiel arc. the way cas failed him. the feeling of abandonment. the obligation to control. affection for cas souring on his tongue as the imaginary idol he built in his mind shatters. the trials and tribulations of being the center of the universe.

that is not my lover and that's not even my friend.

#spn #vid #so. director's commentary. this video is mostly about dean's control issues with a couple of other themes.#like it's both about how dean feels responsible for cas (see: 'clear my name' over 'cas you child why didn't you listen to me' and also #death blaming dean for godstiel (????)) but it's also about how cas used to be someone dean felt he could control and that's no longer true #like cas used to be someone dean felt like he could just get to do anything. and now he's not and that's kind of a shocking revelation that #renders cas mysterious and unknowable and scary #like when dean felt he could control cas. when he felt like they were in it together. then it could just be the two of them against the #rest of the world (we made love in the tower of babel and it fell down). but now cas isn't doing what dean says #and worse: he has other loyalties. loyalty to god/heaven which is NOT acceptable in dean's book. it means there's a part of cas dean can't #have and dean can't deal with that. it's also bound up with another theme of this video which is: dean and cas' relationship is on the #rocks in s6 because sam died and cas didn't and cas didn't fix it and also he's still loyal to angels/god (very different things for cas #but the same to dean) and dean blames them for sam's death. and then sam continues to be not really back for most of s6 so dean's still mad #plus cas and dean haven't seen each other for a year so dean has had tons of time to massage his memories of cas to be more pleasing #so dean has all these idealized memories of cas and a cas who obeyed him when he threatened to withdraw affection and a cas who was alone #in the world and only his and now he's faced with the real cas who values other things higher than dean's approval and has other commitmnts #and he hates that cas for not being the cas in his head who is perfect. and also now that they're having this big conflict dean is denying #that cas was ever anything but his enemy and the object of his hatred. because he's so angry and also because he blames himself for #anything his loves ones do that's outside his control because he has huge control issues so the only way to assuage the guilt is by #denying that cas was ever one of his loved ones #oh and also the montage of dean refusing to help cas/helping very grudgingly/demanding things of cas is there as a contrast. to show that #the ideal cas who needed nothing from dean and did everything dean wanted never existed. he's an invention in dean's mind #and also that sequence is the explanation for WHY cas didn't go to dean (which is what dean's maddest about because it takes away control):#he had no reason to think dean would help. and if dean actually thought about it he'd realize that. but dean's self-image is OFF the WALL #and cas in 4x18 is THEE idealized image of cas because he's breaking ranks to be with dean he's choosing dean and doing what dean wants #because dean is able to get through to him EMOTIONALLY ('we're done') which is what dean likes. rationality is nothing to dean #and dean denies 'are you god' not only because he's denying any former affection for cas. he's also denying that he would ever put anyone #(god. heaven. cas.) in an authority position above himself. only he can be the authority. because he's angry and so all the cracks in his #shell close up. he has to maintain his identity as a Real Man invested in Freedom and Power harder than ever. he can't be told what to do #oh and 'under the bridges of fame it's always nighttime.' that's about dean being The Protagonist. & the consequences cas suffers from that

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thexianzhoujade · 2 months

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im planning to start a writing blog , any tips ?

hi darling !! i wanted to answer this on desktop so i could make it pretty HAHA, welcome to my blog-

figure out what you're writing and your limits !! do you wanna do full length fanfictions, bulletpoints, drabbles, etc. and then how many characters to a post? i used to do various x reader but i had a habit of cramming like 6-8 characters into those. been coping a lot better with a two-character only rule so consider that before you overwhelm yourself <3

sometimes writers work well with a schedule! consider setting days that you'll post or even specific days in your irl schedule that you'll write during <3

remember to write and post for yourself first and foremost!! especially while posting on tumblr. tumblr is a reblog site that is slowly shifting away from that and interaction for creators is drying out, your notes will not be massive and amazing at first and you might see your notifications go quiet not long after you post. write when you want to and feel like it, not just to pump out content in hopes of interaction <3

if you take requests, set boundaries and enforce them! some people (sadly) don't listen to boundaries but you do not have to do a request if it makes you uncomfortable, you're not confident with the character, etc.

if a loser comes into your inbox w/ anon hate, come to me and i'll personally bark at them /hj

writers block is fine! burning out is fine! you don't owe anyone your writing, it's your decision to post it! make sure to rest and don't overwork yourself.

i have a killer headache today so if any of my writing mutuals would like to reply to this post with extra tips (/nf) i couldn't think of, please do! it's always super fun to welcome new creators into the community so long as they don't force themselves into burnout for the sake of numbers ):

#i'm gonna go nap now <3 and hope this headache wears off #i hope these made sense more than anything...#kai you should take notes from your own advice...#pffftt back to napping! i think it's another withdrawal headache though #visitor.angcliqe #( tea with the general )#© thexianzhoujade

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barrelcrow · 1 year

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My muse: fucking buzzing, vibrating, bearing it's teeth, ready to rip a hole into me in hopes of getting released

My brain: No. Have a bunch of brainfog instead, so you absolutely can't get anything done <3

#{ ♠️ x When everyone knows you're a monster you needn't waste time doing every monstrous thing [OOC] x}#I thought maybe it was bc of caffeine withdrawals but I had 400mg during work today and it made no difference #Here's to hoping it's bc I haven't been taking my heart meds during my time off #And here's to hoping I won't forget again before work later #I just want to write ffs 😭

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tommyssupercoolblog · 7 months

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God inventing the internet rlly said "okay let's make crack cocaine again but specifically for ADHD people"

#i made a textpost #Let's make them absolutely go insane over this shit. Let's make it so ADHD people struggle to do anything ever #Let's get these people HOOKED on the silly Internet games #NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY #You will lose your whole life to a computer screen and you will KNOW going outside is healthy for you but you will get #LITERAL WITHDRAWALS #From not having the constant stimulation #ADHD #adhd brain #adhd things #adhd stuff

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swordsonnet · 1 year

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#ive tried multiple times to write down my thoughts on this but my brain is just too scattered and it comes out all jumbled #but here's another attempt i guess #so yeah ive read the medium article about rusty quill. i'm absolutely gutted.#i suppose it's not super surprising but still. i hadnt expected it to be this bad #ive never really cared about rq as a company tbh but i do care about tma! a lot!#its been my special interest for almost 2 years now and if you're not autistic #(or hell maybe even if you are autistic - everyone experiences autism differently ofc)#i dont think you understand what that means. its not just a show i like. its like a part of my identity #its helped me through some really tough times and i can't begin to describe how happy it made me #when a continuation was announced just as i was once again going through some bullshit #i really want to still be excited about tmp because it really is so important to me #and tbh i dont think there's anything wrong with still enjoying tma/tmp? you can like sth and still be critical of the company behind it #and tma was written and created by jonny and not alex so i do sorta see it as its own thing and not just sth made by rq #but i keep seeing people on here acting like you have to boycott tmp (or even tma) now and that just makes me really upset #ill cancel my patreon and withdraw my kickstarter pledge and all #because i dont want to financially support rq unless they make some significant changes and commit to them #but i still want to engage with my special interest! need to really because thats just the way my brain works #and sticking to fandom content wont work for me because a lot of tma fandom stuff just... isnt my cup of tea #i'll take it as an addition to canon but not as a replacement #maybe i should just stop listening to what other people say #but its really difficult to deal with all this negativity about sth that means so much to me #might take a break from tumblr for a while for the sake of my mental health #i feel silly for being so upset about this but it is what it is #sometimes i do wish i had a different brain #anyway sorry for the rant #if you read this far: i love you. have some flowers 🌼🌻🌺🌹🌸🌷💐

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redhotarsenic · 8 months

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Ignore me I’m rambling but. I dunno. I’d LIKE to open up more to people in theory but it feels icky and gross. Logically I know I should but I also instinctively feel like I shouldn’t and I’m also not allowed to do it. Agh

#like I said the one time I ever partially opened up to my mother she flipped that back on me and made ME feel shitty cuz #HER childhood was wayyyy worse than mine #and therefore I shouldn’t feel depressed #if anything SHE should be #and I just. agh. lesson learned you know?#and now every time they ask What Is Wring With Me I can feel my brain putting a wall in front of my mouth #and I can’t say anything at all #which. I’ve been like that forever. but now it’s worse.#plus I feel myself sort of withdrawing in a weird way? like. I’m present but also lagging behind my body by a full second #becoming way less of a crybaby at least. woohoo.#less crying when I’m upset! so less of my parents pointing it out!#ugh. I don’t know why I’m saying any of this tbh #ignore me #personal

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thotsfortherapy · 1 year

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man I'm low-key grateful for my late ADHD diagnosis cause after I told my mom her immediate reaction was to just force me to mask and be condescending about it and if that had happened when I was a kid that would just be another layer to unpack in therapy 😬

#cy says stuff #personal #do not reblog #in case it needs to be said #i finally made it home and had some interactions with her that made me realize like oh no #like they don't have my luggage still so I'm out of meds and i was like I'm gonna be going through withdrawal cause of that so #we can maybe get compensation from the airline cause that's fucked up #and her immediate reaction was to make a joke about how like she should avoid me cause ill cause problems i guess #and upon reflection i now realize that's fucked up cause like #uh oh is someone going to be GRUMPY? you're gonna be soooooo irritable LOLOLOL #and it's like. yes. because im going through WITHDRAWAL. like ???????#she was gonna keep going and i told her to stop cause she was going to say something that offended me and she was like #you're too sensitive it was a JOKE #and i had to be like hey you can still make jokes but there's things ppl are sensitive about and this is one of mine #and she was like whatever 🙄🙄#and idk it's like girl why am i parenting you rn like what 😭 this is basic empathy #you're a PASTOR FOR GOD'S SAKE #idk. imagine if someone went to her for support and was like oh hey I'm going through divorce rn #and she was like omg are you gonna be upset cause youre getting divorced?? better stay away from you then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#like yes this is actually a valid reason to be upset i literallyyyyyyyy #screaming crying upset #also these bug bites SUCK they woke me up #gonna call the hotel for compensation tomorrow cause girlie i didnt pay to bring bed bugs back to my house!#that's a little extra treat i really do not want

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stealthily · 2 years

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i tried to learn as little about that godforsaken tr/ial as possible for either side and stay out of it, but the fact the most reactions I’ve seen involve people just calling her the nastiest fucking sexist slurs for fun feels. ick. “it’s about the fact men can be victims of abuse too” and yet nobody is offering up statistics or resources for said victims, but instead are just cheering their side on and talking about him like it’s fuckin’ blorbo from your shows instead of real ass people with real ass ramifications. i don’t know man, it’s gross. and it feels transparent how nobody brought this much energy with terry crews or brendan fraser or anthony rapp. like. is it possibly because their cases weren’t televised like a soap opera for your sick source of entertainment, or because it just wasn’t as exciting for you to call male abusers a “cunt” ?

#REGARDLESS of your stance on the case; you cannot seriously think televising this shit was a healthy; moral decision #and pretend like it isn’t going to affect real world abuse cases in a negative way #god i’m going to regret posting this i feel like but also #i’m fucking Tired #and some people’s reactions to this make me sick to my stomach #the fact i’ve seen a post about victims withdrawing their abuse cases and boyfriends calling their gfs ‘am/ber’ for crying during a fight #meanwhile there are ppl on twitter sad about the tr/ial being over bc it’s ‘like the series finale of a good tv show’ literally go rot lmao #also i dont care enough to defend one side wholeheartedly but the fact he said some shit i can’t repeat without a major trigger warning #that made me physically ill reading. and people are out there saying he was justified in saying it. uhhh. Yikes. lmao #anyway im turning off anon and i will probably delete this quickly bc i try to avoid negativity discourse etc. blahblahblah #but i needed to vent because the public response to this has been absolutely fucking insane and disgusting #like at least stop pretending it was about your genuine concern for victims and call it for what it is #txt #tbd

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heartrenderxnina · 2 years

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Heavy in your arms

The last thing she remembered was walking into a room and the doors closing shut. It wasn’t until later that she began to regain some conscience, when the effects of the gas wore off. She did, however, feel powerful, as if her body was too small for the amount of power within her. Nina felt invincible, as if she could conquer the world with the snap of her fingers. But she also felt confused.

Why was Kaz there?

What happened?

What did you do Nina?

“Kaz?” She asked weakly as she stared at him, suddenly starting to feel dizzy and weak. She could still hear his heartbeat, which meant he was alive, but there was something else, something she couldn’t decipher. “Ka…” She tried again but her legs failed her and she collapsed right next to him.

She felt she was floating, bouncing in the air. It wasn’t as comfortable as she expected it to be, but she felt safe, secure. Nina barely opened her eyes and later she would realize that it was Matthias the one who was carrying her, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

“Please tell Matthias I can’t marry him like this, I look hideous…” she slurred incoherently before everything faded back to black again.

Her sleep was plagued with nightmares, from Matthias letting her die in the Permafrost, to scenes in which she was torturing Kaz. And why the fuck was Kaz Brekker in her dreams? Nina didn’t know, but she didn’t like it the way she was hurting him. Sometimes Kaz’ body was replaced with Matthias’ and she was hurting him until his heart finally came to a stop.

“NO!” She gasped, her eyes opening widely. She was laying on a big and comfortable bed, the room seemed expensive, even in the dark. She looked around, her body was aching and she felt nauseous, not to mention that the silk sheets were damped with her sweat. There was another bed next to hers and there he was. He looked peaceful enough for her to envy him a little.

How she managed to get to the bathroom was a mystery, but Nina spent the rest of the night on the floor, hugging the toilet seat, crying and throwing up. She was cold and then hot and then cold again. She couldn’t stop shivering.

“Please… please make it stop…” she sniffed when Matthias found her. “I need more…” she murmured. “Just a little… please, I won’t tell anyone” she begged desperately, her green eyes filled with tears.

No; of course his answer was going to be that. A part of Nina knew he wasn’t going to give her that, but she hoped.

“Why do you hate me so much?” She sobbed as he patiently washed her face and helped her up. Her body was too weak for her to do anything, but he had always been strong enough for her. “Is this p-part of your Drüskelle plan to torture me for Hellgate and then bringing you here?” She hissed, her teeth chattering as her body trembled uncontrollably. “I didn’t know you could be this cruel… is this what Djel teaches you to do to Grisha?” she sniffed as he helped her sit on the bed and then drape a blanket over her shoulders.

She didn’t mean any of it, but she wasn’t herself. Nina was in pain and upset and so confused. Why would they do this to her? Was this because of her relationship with Matthias? Was it because she was a traitor?

Nina felt exhausted and she let her body fall into the mattress again as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. “Please, make it go away…” she whispered miserably, face against the pillow. “It hurts so much…” her voice was raspy and it cracked with each word. She didn’t have the energy to even roll over and, eventually, she fell asleep again.

The next few days got even worse. Between her mood swings and paranoia and the physical pain she was going through, Nina genuinely thought she was going to die. She slid down her bed, too exhausted to walk and just crawled over to Matthias’ bed. “Matt?” She called him weakly and saw him open his eyes. He seemed surprised to have her this close.

Nina closed the distance between their faces and kissed him, it was sweet but she could still feel him tense, almost as if this wasn’t supposed to happen like this. “I’ll give you anything,” she whispered. “Anything you want, you can have me in whichever way you want, I’ll do anything, Matthias, I swear, anything” she begged. “I’ll be so good to you, I swear… better than in the hotel…” she wasn’t turned on, she wasn’t even aroused (which was a first), all she wanted was just another dose and Matthias could see right through her.

Of course he refused and pulled away from her, putting some distance and sitting down on the bed. If she had better control of her powers, she might’ve done something already, but she was too weak to use them. She looked at him furiously, but quickly, that rage turned into frustration first and then to defeat. Once again, her eyes filled with tears and Nina began to sob for the millionth time.

She rested her head on Matthias’ knee and hugged his leg. She wasn’t the powerful heartrender he once knew, she was weaker than a wounded puppy and in so much pain and discomfort. “Just kill me already, please, end it” she sobbed miserably.

“E-everything hurts… I c-can’t t-take it a-a-anymore… pl-please…” she needed someone to have some mercy on her. Nina looked up at him, she couldn’t even listen to his heart properly to sense his mood and his face was unreadable. “I am n-not strong enough, p-please…” have mercy on me.

Nina clung to his leg and felt his hand on her hair as she kept on crying and whimpering. She was too weak, too broken. “I’m s-sorry” she sniffed after what seemed ages. She was sorry for everything, for him being in this position, for Hellgate, for bringing him here to Ravka where he was surrounded by the people he was taught to hate. Nina was sorry for not being strong enough, for putting him through this mess. She was sorry for being too much and yet not enough for someone with a heart as big and kind as his.

She didn’t know for how long she remained there, but eventually he helped her up and carried her to the bed. “Lay down with me, please…” she whispered. “I won’t… I’m not going to do anything” she promised, recalling what she had tried earlier. When he accepted, she just curled up against him, resting her head on his chest, right over his heart. Nina closed her eyes and focused on him, on his breathing, on his warmth and his distinctive scent, the scent of home.

“Tell me a story…” she whispered.

“I don’t know that many…”

“Then just talk about anything you want” she murmured, wincing at how much her body hurt.

Matthias started talking about the North sea, about the animals that he had seen. He could be talking about the dullest thing that she wouldn’t care. All she needed was to hear his voice. Then she felt his fingers playing with her hair and she felt a little bit better as well. And just like that, tale after tale, day after day, the pain became more manageable.

In a place where everything was dark and painful, he took her hand and guided her through it towards the light. It was him, all she needed was him, his kind heart and endless patience. Nina was the heartrender, but no one would’ve been a better protector of her heart and her life than him. She was here, recovering, because he was there as well.

Once again, Matthias Helvar saved her life.

#drabbles #drug addiction tw #withdrawal tw #suicide thoughts tw #otp: you are better than waffles (nina&matthias)#welp; i just made myself sad

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