#it's 、well、navel gazing

[max1461]

In response to this post by @loving-n0t-heyting.

Well... I guess?

So I don't actually have as much of a dog in this fight as maybe I implied I did, and maybe it's ill-advised to get into this further, but I do kind of feel like this reply misses the point a little?

Right, I might be missing something, but I believe that models of FOL, and models of SOL in the standard semantics, and models of typed lambda calculus, and so on, are all defined in basically the same way? They are all special cases of a more general definition.

Like, I believe that given a first- or second-order language L with constants c_1,...,c_n, functions f_1,...,f_m, and relations R_1,...,R_k, the set of all terms and formulae of L (call this set A) is an example of a free partial algebra. This partial algebra is generated by the variables and the constants, under application of partial functions corresponding to f_1,...,f_m, R_1,...,R_k, the logical connectives, and ∀ and ∃. I might have missed one. Uh the terms of lambda calculus are generated in a similar way. And anyway, a model is just another partial algebra M in the same signature with a structure preserving map φ : A -> M (EDIT: actually, one for each variable assignment function) (EDIT 2: since the constants are part of the signature and A is free, any variable assignment functions automatically induces a structure preserving map A -> M. So a model is just another partial algebra M.). Uh and then we make some demands about the structure of M, like for FOL we force M to be the disjoint union of a set M' and {T, F}, where M' is the universe of the model as traditionally defied. And for lambda calculus we demand that M is the disjoint union of a universe M_t for each basic type t and (maximal) sets of ith order functions between the M_t.

Shit, I should actually work out all the details. I don't think this reply is going anywhere without that. I probably don't have time for that.

Right, the point is that I am pretty sure that all these different definitions of "model" are just special cases of the exact same thing. And the way we define models of simply typed lambda calculus with quantifiers exactly reduces to the way we define them for first- and second-order logic, if you just get rid of all the lambda terms and the stuff of highers types. Uh yeah. I'm like 90% certain this is true. But without working it out on paper I can't be sure. Consider this a beta thought.

Uh but Henkin semantics are not a special case of this. Because you need to fix a Henkin prestructure—the sets of higher-order functions are not maximal, like you're have some subset of M_t^{M_s} for types t and s, or whatever. It's a different thing.

But the point is like: this strikes me as the canonical way to define a model! Far from defining models this way specifically to get the results we want—which seems more like what Henkin semantics is doing, to get a nicer meta-theory—this is just, defining models like we define homomorphisms in algebra: there's one canonical way to do it, and if you do it a different way, that's the choice that students are going to ask for motivation for. Right?

But, yeah, I agree there is not a lot of mathematical content to this.

My point (that FOL is odd in various ways) would maybe have been better illustrated by talking about nonfirstorderable sentences, which I did mention in a reblog. I think it's difficult to deny, re: nonfirstorderability, the claim that "FOL is limited in certain ways by the topology of strings". Which is fine, FOL works fine, but it is weird. I am not sure what argument one could put forth to say that that is not a strange contingency for a logical system to have.

And, actually, this is directly related to the stuff about the Peano Axioms: because the axiom schema of induction in Peano Arithmetic includes one axiom for each first-order sentence, what is firstorderable directly determines what you can do induction to! And I claim that is... strange. That's really funky. That's very funky!

You don't actually need the whole of SOL to remedy this string thing, you can just allow trees of quantifiers or whatever. Various people may have looked into this.

But, no yeah actually, after having written this last bit I am slightly convinced again that there is a genuine (slight) odd thing going on here. Uh it's not just all trivial, motivated reworking of definitions as the linked post sort of implies. Well I don't know. It's late. Maybe I've made an error somewhere here; lord knows when I don't double check my math posts that can happen.

#math #navel gazing #but yeah none of this is like #of serious mathematical important #it's 、well、navel gazing

[gothicprep]

ngl whenever I see people try to argue that things like adhd, depression, anxiety, etc aren’t expressions of neurochemistry but are instead a reaction to capitalism or something diabolically stupid like that, it always makes me think of this old tweet:

if aliens landed on the planet tomorrow and their only measurement of earth culture was our posts, they’d probably think capitalism is a synonym for general malaise.

#my own experience with bipolar sort of lends to me extremely not taking this shit seriously #and if you have this too you know what I’m talking about – the sort of things that preempt an episode don’t operate on logic and reason #even if you’re living a perfect life in a utopian society something would manage to get under your skin #and you’d either spend two weeks navel gazing or erratically overspending or something #you get very familiar with this when you have bipolar because unlike some other disorders which are really elevated extensions of emotions #or tendencies that all humans have… there isn’t a mentally well analog to bipolar disorder. it’s extremely abnormal #explaining depression to someone without major depressive disorder is going to by default feel like you’re talking past one another but it’ #not *completely* foreign to them #meanwhile explaining mania to another person will have them so lost unless they’ve been there themselves

[soldier-poet-king]

Well bit the bullet and forewarned my parents about the tattoo appt so I don't just show up one day with it, but took the cowards way out and did it while they're out of town and won't be back til Friday so I don't have to face the ire as my mother cools down

#franposting #my nonna on the other hand. im just. i dont think im gonna say anything at all tbh #it just. is what it is. #maybe putting art i have craved for so long on my body #is a way of learning to inhabit myself. of autonomy. of seeing myself as a person #not just like. a use made for a specific end #yes telos has a place but also maybe my telos isnt just to exist and burn myself up for every other person's whim #out of a sense of a guilt and an apology for my own existence #maybe. idk. maybe the duty and martyrs complex is right tho #idk. idk. been thinking a lot about family lately and how everything mostly just hurts. #the good days are just. neutral. theyre good by virtue of not being actively bad #but im realizing i genuinely dont know how to care for people or relate to people properly and its just. well. hm. #that sure is a thing im gonna have to live with for the rest of my life #i feel odd and unsettled and offputting even to myself. alas. #honestly work being unfulfilling and boring is part of the problem #without concrete clear and interesting goals and tasks i lose direction and fall apart #i need to be focused on things and tasks or else I'll die. or navel gaze my way into solipsism

[veliseraptor]

truly there is something about the "original shen qingqiu effectively dying, somebody else taking over his life, and nobody ever knows or mourns his loss" that hurts me in a way few things do when I think about it for too long

and I think it is something about my personal fear of being forgotten/discarded by the people around me as fundamentally unmemorable, and the creeping anxiety that I am a difficult person to love and people would like me more if I were less me

#possibly this is also some of my unease/discomfort with mxy in mdzs as well actually #the idea that i could be completely replaced and either no one would care #or it would be an active improvement #important text posts #anyway. that's my melancholy navel gaze for today #back to working on my performance evaluation #omphaloskepsis #emotions for ts

[vitruvianmanbara]

Not to add to the discourse but I think why people have a problem with those claims about queering straight relationships, regardless of the identities of either people, is that relationships and social dynamics don’t exist in a vacuum - people will be tied down to social norms re: race, gender etc. So no matter how progressive and queer your relationship is, unfortunately we all live in a society and trying to break out of preconceived norms is difficult, especially in a relationship that can pass as cishet outwardly.

Yep, I agree. This is why I said that I don't think it's helpful to deny that 1) people will inevitably read M/F relationships as straight and M/M or F/F relationships as gay and 2) that this affects the way people are materially treated, regardless of personal identity.

I also think that a lot of bisexual people are as intimately aware of this reality as any other queer person would be, and still find that it's worth discussing the specifics of how we find ourselves pushing up against the limitations of our language of sexuality, and the theoretical and historical reasons behind why that might be the case. Both things can be true!

#like a lot of bi people will find ourselves on both sides of this! I have been on the receiving end of lesbophobic harassment #and am well aware of how our relationships don't exist within a social vacuum. but I also think that the conversation about language #is a broader one that affects all queer people and this is just one aspect of it. it's not just navel gazing identity politics which is #what I think a lot of ppl find it most convenient to reduce it to. not that I think this is what you're arguing - just a trend I've noticed

[mokutone]

@supervaca replied to a post:

If i remember correctly all of Kakashis ninken speak except for bull?

no like, you definitely remember correctly, i just dont like it 😭

the rest of his dogs are shown to speak (aside from bull) but bc we see them do it less (since we mostly see pakkun), its easier for me to avoid getting mad about it shdghsdghsd

#yamswers #supervaca #i cannot express how deeply and irrationally ''talking animal companions'' annoy me as a trope #frankly im not even sure why pakkun DOESN'T piss me off. maybe bc the way that he exists as a TAC is less common? #like. he's a weird little guy. he is funny but he's not solely comic relief. he's got a character of his own which can b intriguing ig #when i write fics i refuse to write any of the dogs except pakkun talking fully GHDSHGSHDGHG #oh well. enough navel gazing i should get back to drawing

[orossii]

to be opposed to ”normalization” outside of the realm of exploitation/oppression is to put yourself inherently at odds with the everyday people who struggle alongside you. you see society as a bunch of individuals with backwards ideas about other individuals, and you think the problem isn’t to change the material conditions that give rise to those ideas but to cast them all as hopeless or too stupid to ever get you. reality gets to be defined by what feels most comfortable for you and your self-selected peers, theres no need to subvert your personal desires to the overall wellbeing of humanity when you can always find an aestheticaly radical niche that will affirm your belief that whats good for you is whats good for everyone. there’s no genuine analysis of who benefits from maintaining structural oppression or what would have to be done to bring about the creation of a better world, what sacrifices we would have to make, what historical conflicts we’d have to actually wrestle with. you’re more comfortable in the echo chamber, sequestered away from the unwashed masses, and when the masses rise up you’ll do nothing but stand in their way and police the language they use to express their pain

#well-meaning normie poor people with backwards views on some things > navel gazing radical leftists online #you have nothing to offer the people but shame and the revolution will have no use for you

[mashivan]

SolarSands, and by extension Andy Warhol, is destroying my life

That half there, virtual intelligence, brain dead, social interaction. How it’s just, television. Going through the motions. But as I feel this feeling so intensely, as I watch myself from talk and respond and inquire from inside my own brain, I’m pushing back. It’s true, oh it’s so true, but it’s not the whole truth. Because I am there, fully present sometimes. And sometimes they’re big moments and sometimes they’re small, but they exist.

#navel gazing #If you get anything out of this #congrats #I fully expect this to make 0 sense #just watch solar sands video it’s way more #well developed

[onthehighwaytomel]

Could I please just go ONE day without seeing Taylor Swift's name or picture? Just one? I don't think that's too much to ask.

#more would be great too #but at this point I'll settle for one #I'm tired. she's everywhere. all the time. the world needs less of her #yes i have her tag filtered on here #but this football crap + the backlash to the backlash of the football crap + that meme picture of her whispering... #...has her showing up on fb and Instagram too. posts and stories. it's inescapable #why does everyone care so much about this aggressively mediocre self-obsessed navel-gazing victim-complex private-jet-polluting woman? #with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old? #why? #i know other celebrities pollute with their private jets too. ts is particularly fucking bad about it. #entitled self-obsessed rich girl whose daddy paid for her early career behavior #I'm tired. please take a few months off taylor. you can afford it #taylor swift #personal #venting #she sucks and while i think the conservatives ranting about her and football are taking it too far... #i truly don't understand how otherwise cool people and people with otherwise good taste like her #style is fine. blank space's chorus is catchy. that safe and sound song was okay too. that's all the credit i can give #she's not a good singer OR songwriter. the two things she's supposed to do well. she's just a good businesswoman #good at manufacturing vulnerability and making every single situation about her #okay I'm done. sorry for the tag novel

[max1461]

I feel something very particular when I think about pill bugs. Because they aren't bugs, really, they're crustaceans—tiny, land-dwelling isopods. And whenever I see them I just think. Look at you, little sojourner. So far from your home. Up here in the sun and the cool breeze, barely noticed. Miles away from the chaos beneath the waves. Off on your own journey, with nothing to prove to the world, I think. Wandering from your ancient home for your own reasons. And you roll into a ball! That's your defense! No poison, so spines... you just roll up, and say "don't mess with me please. don't bother me. please come back later." Small, and alone, but unafraid. Unflappable. You'd have to be, to come all this way. Just walking. Just going about your business. And I want to ask, "why are you here? what did you come for?" But the pill bug can't give me an answer. Not because it's a bug, I don't think. It's just not in their nature. Pill bugs are a quiet sort of bug. Quiet and contemplative. I think.

But I want to say... I know. I know you're on a long journey, little pill bug. Most people don't. After all, you're so unassuming. You could be any other bug. But you aren't. You're on a long journey, far from home, and I don't know why. But I wish you well. Good luck in your travels little pill bug, wherever you're going.

#navel gazing #organismsposting #here's an alternate version of this post with different final line #often I just can't find the right wording for something so uh #well I'll just put them both up and let the people decide which version is better #surely someone out there knows what I'm talking about!

[discoknack]

you know what my special interest was before KNACK?

School. Good grades. That sort of thing. I didn't play games, didn't watch TV. I was some kind of freak. Wasn't necessarily happy, but also wasn't miserable.

But in a way my obsession with KNACK taking over my life just revealed the underlying issues - I did not have an appropriate way to organize my time. I wasn't taking care of myself and did not have a healthy mindset.

And you know what they say: schedule maintenance or your equipment will schedule it for you

#navel gazing #so now I have to stop everything and develop the skills and organization system I should have learned to do a long time ago. #I think I'm doing pretty well so far. How long has it been? a month? #I feel like I should have accomplished more but I still don't have a proper sense of time. #I'm also realizing flipping through social media is taking too much of my time. #But since I also run a fandom blog I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm tempted to hand over the keys #but that would essentially remove me from the internet entirely #ho hum

[soldier-poet-king]

Where did I put my dbt handbook I NEED IT

#yet another thing i am hiding away living with my parents like #can i just exist #im already like adding walls and layers to my being #can we have ONE thing that is not constantly a game of anxiously fearing being discovered #I AM A GODDAMN ADULT #im just. i have literally no idea where it is. i KNOW i have one but i hid it so well even i cant find it now #anyway we're at the stage where i am prodding wounds and doing things i know will make me feel bad #which could be good on the sense of testing boundaries #but is not good or helpful in my current situation with 0 irl supports or ppl to trust #bleasghhhhhhhhhhhh #OH THARA CELEHAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW #just. reminding self. its abt duty and obligation and goodness and not sad navel gazing pity or my own fulfillment #its not about me. its not about me. its not about me #i need to do this stupid job prep thing after work #bc better job means better pay i can move out have more time which means ill be able to volunteer and do good and help #and not just be sad and useless and a waste of resources #i know what things would maybe help but also i cant just buy STUFF. thats selfish. i already have stuff #i dont NEED comfort to live

[seeminglyseph]

I think like, “true crime girlie” or “murdino” or whatever is like. An evolutionary stage in becoming aware of the world around you, and it’s like absolutely 100% cringe and like. People’s real life tragedies aren’t a fandom, you don’t need to be involved. But. I think. The Netflix-ification of it is like when businesses realize what people are into and try to capitalize on it but it’s like “you can’t capitalize on murder.”

And Netflix documentaries are kind of questionable to begin with because they’re biased as shit and have like the most lacking information ever. They are popcorn entertainment documentaries. It’s very frustrating to be a documentary enjoyer and have like “oh good seven hours bullshit about nothing”

HBO used to make very good documentaries, now they are hit or miss. I mean I guess they’re always hit or miss, but I feel like the concept of a documentary has changed? Is that a phrase that makes sense? I feel foolish for having said that? But I also feel like sometimes the amount of information a person is intended to gain from a documentary is flexible, they aren’t supposed to be your primary source of information. They’re supposed to like. Let you know something exists, give you some important information, craft a thesis basically, make an argument and present the information and give you a way to form an opinion and seek out information yourself if you are so driven to do so.

But. Like. Sometimes it feels like “seek out more information yourself” has become. Uh. Not. A thing.

Maybe I just. Had a lot of bad experiences with people who got that like. Um. “If you go into the dark place your poor mind will be tainted, you must trust in me to protect you from that twisted evil information and give you only what you can handle to keep you from becoming like the Bad People.”

Which was kind of that SJW 2014 movement which matched my Catholic Trauma so well that I slid into the brainwashing like a good little puppet…

But I do live in a crime ravaged city in a neighbourhood in that city reputed to be deeply unsafe. Even if a lot of people getting into to true crime with my complexion are being extremely weird about it, it’s kind of reasonable to be aware of crime. Especially if you’re also aware of the part of true crime where you don’t sit there making excuses for police incompetence. Like.

I grew up in a household where I *did* get a Talk about how like. “We need the police, but if you don’t cooperate they can and will kill or severely hurt you because they have a lot of power over people like us” though in this situation “like us” was “poor” and “not a cop.” Similarly border agents and the TSA. My dad grew up even more poor than me, and was very sure I knew people in law enforcement could just like. Fuck my life up if they wanted.

He still had an absolutely unearned respect for the RCMP though, he really cared about those guys and like my research into true crime in Canada has unearthed a lot of “not my problem if I don’t look into it” and that’s pretty fucking infuriating? But there’s stuff that’s like. Maybe his position as a straight white man made him biased because the Salvation Army helped him as a kid and he has warm memories about them and then I’m like “they would absolutely leave me to die in the cold.” And it’s complex.

I dunno I don’t think I personally have had cause to interact with Mounties but I care about MMIW and related issues as a Western Canadian and like… Person With Morals I guess? And like. Boy howdy that’s a lot of. Uh. The history of the Canadian Police’s failure to protect and serve the Indigenous population of Canada is long and complicated and under told but at this time I am not equipped to tell it in a way that would be appropriate to the people who deserve their stories told with dignity and respect and outrage. But know in your hearts that if there’s a job that can be avoided the Mounties will avoid doing it and that is the mildest form of violence I can list here.

I suppose ultimately my point is that some people do it wrong, but. The only way for people to become aware of things is to learn and to research and to have sources. And sometimes it *starts* with My Favorite Murder and Dahlmer and bad Netflix documentaries. But it’s supposed to evolve into your own research and awareness of the world around you and an understanding of reality and pattern recognition of like. “Funny how so many people actually get away with these crimes because police don’t really put a lot of effort into investigating the deaths of certain people, and those murderers are aware of that.”

Who counts as the Less Dead? Who benefits from pretending crime happens differently than it really does? How many of these mysteries were open secrets long before they were solved?

But at the same time, we need something. Some system. ‘Cause people in general as a group are crazy. I live with people. We suck. We need rules and people to enforce them. It just would be nice if they didn’t also suck. Like damn.

#my life #stoned ramblings #true crime navel gazing #this is some serious ‘we live in a society’ bullshit #but I just have some thoughts #they are not well gathered so don’t judge them like a sourced and cited essay or something #but I think it is important people be aware #I just think people have too much of a habit of fandoming

[dollwrites]

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!nanny!reader, married!toji ( rich toji too lmao hot take ), age gap, noncon, dacryphilia, virginity loss, heavy breeding kink, bondage, all characters featured are aged 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading < 3

𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯 ∣ day twenty-two [ toji fushiguro + breeding ]

you probably should’ve kept your mouth shut. you should’ve bit the bullet and swallowed your pride when Toji said he couldn’t pay you any earlier than Friday for babysitting the kids. no, couldn’t had not been his word of choice. he wouldn’t pay you before Friday. Toji was loaded with cash. you’d never bothered to ask him how he made his living, but you knew that he had plenty and his massive mansion would not be snatched up by the bank if the prick gave you your well earned three hundred and twenty dollars on a Wednesday instead of a Friday.

and you’d told him so.

which had landed you in the position you’re in now.

on a few occasions, Toji or his wife had asked you to tidy up around the house and that included their bedroom. the room was massive and luxurious, with a king size bed in the center of the room. you’d seen plenty of oddities in there— handcuffs here, a flogger there, vibrators in the drawers and even a black, pleather bench with seatbelt-like straps hanging off it in the corner— but you never thought, in all the time you’ve worked for them, that you’d find yourself on your back in nothing but your bra and panties ( which were both pulled askew to expose your breasts and give him access to your core ) against the mattress, with thick, black straps on your ankles that bind them to a long, silver bar. your legs are spread wide for Toji, he has also fastened similar cuffs to each of your wrists to separate notches on the pole. his fist is wrapped around the center of the metal, gripping it tight. he seems to use it as a lever, pulling your entire body to his.

the tears are far from dried on your cheeks, though the majority of the pain from the initial insertion has dissipated, Toji is none too gentle as he ruts into you. your walls flutter about the girth of his manhood as it stretches you to a capacity you’ve never felt before. he was so big, much too big for him to have been your first, and you felt like he was ripping you apart, especially because he had no regard for how deep he was delving into you— each thrust of his hips sent him hilt-deep into a newly devirginized interior. because of this, your face remained twisted into an expression of discomfort, eyes wide with shock.

Toji chuckles through grit teeth, “What’s with the crocodile tears, slut? Wasn’t expecting I’d pop your cherry? Daddy’s cock too big for that itty, bitty belly of yours?” his dark pair coruscate in the dim lighting as his gaze travels over your stomach, pressing his free palm against the lump just below your navel, the size and shape of his cock. you mewl, head rolling about on the mattress, and your teeth sink into your lower lip; the pressure adds to the sensation of being stuffed full. “Ooh, listen to you whine for me,” he croons with faux sympathy, poking out his lower lip. “I’ll bet you’re used to getting exactly what you want with those puppy dog eyes, aren’t you? But, I gotta tell you, baby girl, daddy’s made more girls cry than just you. You really think those little sniffles are gonna work on me? Make me go easier on you?”

his hips grind into yours as he digs as deep as possible without his thick tip bursting through your belly button ( or, at least, that’s what it feels like ), and you cry out, back arching. your fingernails claw at the restraints, arms tensed unable to do much but sting.

“Ah!” it’s more a bestial growl than a sound of pleasure you’d expect anyone to make, his eyes fiery with even more desire at your wriggling. “See, feel that? How your pussy tremors when she’s gripping my cock? You can glare up at me with those cute, puffy eyes and your makeup streaked down your cheeks, but I can tell by the way that little pussy hugs me that you don’t want it gentle. You don’t want me to be nice. You want to be fucked into submission, and daddy’s more than willing to break that bad fuckin’ habit of talking back to me with my cock.”

it was almost impossible to formulate a coherent sentence, batting tears back, but they fall anyways, squirming as if to escape the cocktail of pleasure and pain, and you turn away from him, angling your countenance towards the wall instead. “W—what— what if I t-told your, ah! Your wife about this—“

the most wicked of grins contorts Toji’s lips, and he reaches through the bar and between your arms to grip your face, turning it back to force you to look up at him. “You think she doesn’t know, girl? I’ve only been planning to breed your little body since you started working for us. I just needed a good excuse to break you in, thanks for that.” he pauses, to groan and close his eyes, pace picking up as his hips begin to buck more erratically. “She thinks you’ll make a better baby factory than she ever could, and she’s more than willing to let me keep you here and fuckin’ ruin you until the only thing you want is for me to swell that little tummy with my bastards—“ even as your whimpering escalated into screams, you can hear him. your eyes close, head wanting to angle away from his grip, his palm makes contact with your cheek in a couple, quick slaps. “You can get used to being my little breed-whore, sweet girl. And don’t you worry, you’re gonna get a nice raise every time I knock you up; as long as you learn that your place is wrapped around daddy’s cock, and that pussy is for him to fill with his loads, you’re gonna be a fine new addition to this family.”

#toji fushiguro x you #toji fic #toji fushiguro smut #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x you #toji smut #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #jjk toji #toji zenin #jujutsu kaisen toji #dilf toji #jjk #jjk imagine #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen

[memento-mariii]

Last week, I did a small but objectively kind act (took a snail that got mixed in our groceries, took it out, and set it on a leaf outside), and the fact that I live in guilt over it to this day (worrying that I might not have picked the *right* place for it and thus may be inadvertently responsible for its death) is just another proof that I have moral scrupulosity issues and that I probably can stand to worry about these things less.

#and the thing is: I didn't just stick it on a leaf willy nilly! #I did my research! #I googled where snails like to live (warm & humid upper leaf litter on soils; lower levels of shrubbery) #and because it was getting chilly outside; if and how snails survive over the winter #(they seal their shells with mucus and hibernate in groups under rocks and such) #and since i figured the apartment flowerbed and nearby parks probably had pesticides and trimmed their plants often #I took the time to take it to a nearby riverside where the nature was (relatively) less likely to get disturbed! #but since it was dark out and I forgot to check for anthills #I live in fear of having exposed it to the fate of Death By Ants 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ #mmari rambles #mental health #ocd #by 'these things' I mean pointless navel-gazing about whether at my core I'm a fundamentally good person or not #and not the well-being of funky little critters obvi

[moncherellie]

giving loser!ellie head for the first time

a/n: wrote this a while ago but since i havent put anything out in a bit, figured this would suffice. inspired by that one twt video...

content/warnings: 886 words, gn reader, cunnilingus (e receiving, r giving), ellie's first time, fingering

eating loser!ellie out is a religious experience

you blow lightly, the cold sting making ellie's legs shudder. it’s her first time having someone go down on her, and you think it’s a fucking shame. every other girl must be blind to not want this sensitive, soaked pussy that clenches around nothing.

then again, you’re glad nobody else has done this for her, because you have the privilege of being first. thank god for that, you think, because you don’t want anyone else to get this kind of perfect view.

closest to you is her clit, puffy and pink with arousal. your eyes gaze next to the trail of neatly-trimmed hair leading up to her navel. just earlier, you’d teased her, licking down that line as she squealed and put her head in her hands. you’d just laughed. “i’ve never been touched there-"

she’d never been touched anywhere. it’s why she was so ecstatic every time you laid a hand on her. originally, you’d thought ellie was just introverted. that she didn’t like anybody touching her.

and then you’d learned she didn’t dislike your touch- on the contrary, she fucking loved it. she loved it so much she had to shy away from it, otherwise her clit would throb and she'd feel the familiar wet spot grow in her panties and her mind would start to wander and think of that time you bent down in front of her in that tiny, slutty skirt and-

ellie shakes again, face flushing the prettiest scarlet you've ever seen. it brings out the ambers and forest greens of her eyes. you lick a stripe up her entrance and she brings both hands up to clutch her face.

"oh shit- oh fuck, oh my god. holy-" her reactions are so cute that you almost feel bad for laughing at her so much, but the embarrassment she gets from it all is just too delicious to stop.

you pinch her clit in between two fingers and her hips jump up into your face. you suck harder and she yelps- is it mean? maybe. but you can tell that even though she's sensitive and nearly overstimulated, she feels amazing.

as your tongue continues its assault on her, she begins to move away. you know it's purely reflex, but you're persistent. ellie, despite being so sensitive, hasn't cum yet and you desperately need her to. when she props herself on her elbows and begins to throw her body backwards to try to shy from your touch, your arms hook around her thighs, encasing her. she can't get away, and this position allows your hands to further spread her open.

"pleasepleaseplease babe, come on, be nice to me." she rambles. despite her pleas, she was just as desperate as you, eagerly wanting to come undone on your tongue. knowing this, you don't repent.

she's still on her elbows, eyes transfixed on the way your mouth fucks her, how you look just as pleased as she does, like she's the best meal you've had. it very well might be, you think. her noises turn incomprehensible. you can make out vague "please"s and "fuck"s, but other than that, she's fully gone. ellie's breath is heavy and shallow. you hope this is a sign that's she about to finish.

your feel her clit twitch on your tongue, and you realize that, yes, she's getting closer. you speed up and ellie starts to thrash around. you look up at her, making eye contact, and she moans, throwing herself back against the bed. "babe, please! fuck- oh shit-!"

ellie's movements become more violent and you let go of her for a moment. she whines, thinking you're stopping to punishing her for being so defiant. as you lean back and sit on your legs, she begins to stutter out an apology that's cut off when you grip her waist and pull her up towards your mouth.

your lips start their assault again. ellie's legs are over your shoulders and her hips are elevated above the bed, allowing you to get into just the right angle that makes her scream. she grinds herself against your face and lets out more indistinguishable noises that you can only assume is ellie begging you to stop, but the way she pushes herself further into you, grinding her clit on your tongue, is telling you something different.

she squeals and you laugh into her cunt, sending vibrations through her body. the way she clenches tightly around your face, clamps down, and all but screams your name tells you that she's about to cum.

"fuck, oh fuck, please- please! a little more i'm almost- i'm so close to- haaaaah!" she finishes with a loud groan that fizzles out into pants. you fuck her through it, tongue slowing down as her head lolls to the side. her eyes are crossed and her legs shake slightly as you pull off of her, putting her thighs on the bed.

you kiss her forehead and she smiles softly. "you did so good for me, els. how was that?"

she grins cheekily, heavily lidded eyes focusing on you now. she bites her lip when she sees the gleaming slick covering your lips.

"it was fucking amazing, is what is was. you think i can do that to you sometime?"

my masterlist

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader smut #tlou 2 x reader #ellie williams smut #loser!ellie williams #loser!ellie #moncherellie writing #ellie williams x gn reader #ellie williams oneshot #ellie williams tlou2