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taexual · 4 years

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HOLIC - 49 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst (ONE LAST TIME, LET’S GO)

words: 4.7k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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Jaebum watched you for a while after you asked the question, the echo of your voice ringing inside of his mind. Seeing you after nearly a week was too overwhelming. He couldn’t focus on just one emotion that he was feeling and the urge he had to cross the room and approach you overpowered everything else.

“I don’t—” he tried, resisting his own heart in order to remain true to his mind. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

But even despite what he said, he remained frozen in the same spot, not closing the door and not walking away from you.

“Please,” you said, the stinging pain in your heart translating itself into words, “I need you to know what really happened. I’m not—I don’t want you to immediately forgive me and move on. I just want you to know a-and to understand.”

“Don’t I already know everything I need to know?” he asked but still moved to a side—just slightly but that was enough for you to slip into the lounge room, away from the loud music.

In the brief second that it took for you to walk past him into the room – your shoulder brushing against his chest gently – you thought you were going to suffocate. The smell of his cologne, his side profile and the twin moles above his eye that you’d spent countless mornings staring at, his close proximity and just him, as a whole, brought back every moment of the life that you’ve shared with him and you immediately understood that walking away from this life—away from him—was going to be a task you would never have enough strength to finish.

“No, not everything,” you said as he closed the door. The two of you were back to where you’d been so many times before – in your own lost, broken, and exhausted world that pulsed with pain and sorrow and desperation. “Y-you know about these events I had to do. Well, that was Jiho’s idea. He insisted the gallery couldn’t invest in me if I wasn’t popular enough. It was all about media play. I thought that sort of made sense but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to establish my career by having my pictures taken with him—”

“I get that,” Jaebum interrupted. He’d had enough time to analyze every single one of your cryptic and vague answers to his questions about how your exhibition was going. He managed to put the pieces together himself. “I understand that you were working on your career. It was a way to get your own exhibition, that’s fine. It’s good. But faking a relationship while—”

You protested immediately. “I wasn’t—”

“Please,” Jaebum looked away. The utter lack of emotion in his voice scared you far more than any possible outcome of this conversation could. “He took you to all of these places to stir shit up on purpose. To draw more interest to you because you and him were there together.”

It was starting to become obvious that you wouldn’t have to talk about what happened since you saw Jiho at the gallery out of town. Even despite not giving Jaebum the detailed breakdown – or any sort of details about what you did, really – Jaebum still seemed to know everything. In the time you’ve spent preparing the right words to say to him, you’d forgotten to give him credit for his unrivaled perception skills.

“But there was no relationship,” you said. “There never was.”

“Right,” Jaebum continued, the hollowness behind his eyes taking you back to the night you told him about Jiho. You could feel your hands start to shake just like they did back then. “Except you went along with all that he was feeding the media.”

That was true and that’s why you were unable to find an excuse. “I-I was doing it to get the exhibition—”

He scoffed. “Because there was no other way, right?”

“Yes!” you agreed, your voice growing desperate and borderline manic. “You’d have left me behind, otherwise. I’d have—”

“What?” Jaebum’s voice had risen, too. Your accusation had clearly taken him off guard. “How would I leave you behind? I—”

“Oh, come on, you were already busy with your company dinners with executives and your meetings about the upcoming single…” you said, not trying to sound accusing but feeling like you did anyway. Pausing for a quick moment, you tried to continue in a softer voice, “you’re already working on an album. I was just trying to catch up with you so we could do this together. Like we wanted to.”

He narrowed his eyes and did not find a way to form a sentence for a minute or two.

“Okay,” he finally said then. “Yeah, so that makes it better, right?”

“It—”

“No, no, stop, it’s—” one of his hands squeezed the bridge of his nose as he exhaled slowly. “I just—God. I took you with me to everything that I was going through. I told you about all of it—like you said. I’ve welcomed you into my life and actively tried to include you in every single thing that was going on with me. And not just in terms of my career. I mean every thing. And you—well, fuck, clearly, I don’t mean enough for you to—”

He started to pace around the room – all while avoiding your eyes – but you had a feeling that the creaking sound wasn’t caused by the old floorboards. It was the sound of your heart breaking.

“No, Jaebum,” you stopped him before he could finish the sentence, “t-that’s not it at all. I’m—I’m horribly afraid of hurting you or ruining the things between us and that’s why I didn’t tell you. This fear was—it just took control of all of my decisions. I’m sorry, I—I should have never kept quiet about something that was this big. I never meant to hurt you like that, I just genuinely—stupidly—thought that this was the only way for me to do this. I thought that if I could endure those events with him, it would ensure a future for me. For us. A happy, successful future.”

“That’s built on a lie?”

You blinked, his raw words ricochetting off the walls of the empty room and hitting your chest. “Built on—”

“—on you, selling yourself out to Jiho?” he finished for you.

“I wasn’t—Jaebum, please. I don’t like him, either. I hate him, really. Nothing ever happened between him and me—honestly, just the thought of something happening makes me want to tear my hair out in disgust. It’s just--at first I didn’t tell you about this to spare your feelings. You were in such a good mood, I never wanted to ruin that. And then I-I was scared because you’d started to drift away from me – you were telling me about all of these new opportunities, all of these new people. Imagine how much worse it would have been if you were making it in the world, and I was still scrubbing the walls at my gallery per Eva’s orders.”

You realized that no matter which direction you went in, your words still sounded accusing. But before you could express yourself more clearly, Jaebum was already groaning in exasperation.

“At least, I was telling you about my life!” he snapped. “You are the one who tried to leave me behind, in the end.”

“I—that’s—I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re the one to blame here,” you said carefully. “I know I fucked up. I genuinely believed that everything would have worked out, eventually. I thought that I could host that exhibition and we could put all of this shit behind us, not having to focus on it at all. I thought I could completely erase the part of my life that involved Jiho while I was still living in it and only now do I realize how big of a reality check I needed. No one can live and attempt not to live at the same time.”

Jaebum didn’t speak but you saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. You took this as your cue to continue and say the words you’ve come to say.

“I just… I couldn’t shake these thoughts that you would have started to feel bad about talking about your achievements to me if I wasn’t achieving anything myself – that’s why I went along with what Jiho offered. Otherwise, y-you would have kept quiet about advancing your career so you wouldn’t upset me and, maybe, you would have found someone else to talk to,” you said and noticed that he opened his mouth – evidently ready to protest – so you continued louder, not letting him cut in, “you’d meet a lot of other people, a lot of similar people – aspiring singers – and they would listen to you. They would understand. You’d feel sorry for me then, maybe even try to help me. We would argue just like we used to, only this time, it would be so much bigger. We would—”

“Alright,” he couldn’t listen anymore. “I get it. Okay? You did this for your career. I get it.”

He didn’t just say that to get you to stop talking about all the hypothetical ways in which your relationship would have reached its end. He truly did understand your reasoning and, in any case, he wasn’t this upset about your choice to pull a publicity stunt with Jiho. What bothered him this whole week was the fact that he didn’t even know about this choice. Your voluntary silence in regards to your career was what hurt him the most and, when he allowed himself to unclench his muscles and finally glance at you, you saw the repercussions it had on him.

He looked exhausted. Vulnerable. Hurt.

“I didn’t want to keep it a secret,” you said slowly, your voice breaking when you needed it to be strong the most, “but there was nothing I feared more than losing you. Every time I was supposed to see Jiho, I felt sick. Every time I had to smile next to him, I was just about ready to die. I regretted it every step of the way and I wanted to tell you about it. I knew you’d tell me that I didn’t have to do this – that I could find a different way – but I feared that the end result would have been the same. My inability to keep up with you would have created a bottomless pit between us. It was already looming in the distance.”

“How long did you think you were going to keep doing this with him?” Jaebum asked but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Just this question, however, asked in a sensible tone, let you know that he was now hearing what you were saying and, as the gaps in the puzzle he’d pieced together began to fill, he was beginning to feel the tension in his chest recede.

“It was supposed to be just a few appearances,” you said. “He said it’d be good for me to make a name for myself but no one cared about that. I obviously wasn’t the first person he was dragging to these events and no one gave a shit about me. I was just his plus one.”

“So, why—”

“I finally decided to end this in the car on our way to Jackson’s event,” you began to respond, guessing what he was going to ask, “I knew this wasn’t going to work. I-I mean, it probably would have worked, eventually, but I’ve had enough. I didn’t want it to be like this. And then Jiho and I got into a fight and I got—I don’t know, confused? Distracted?—and I decided to wait until the end of the night before I told him I was done. I figured it’d be good for me to, at least, get to know some more relevant people before I gave up on everything I’ve been trying to work on.”

“But then Jackson ruined everything,” Jaebum pointed out.

You weren’t exactly sure how much Jackson had told Jaebum about your conversation but now didn’t feel like the right time to ask. You weren’t here to testify according to Jackson’s testimony. You were here to tell Jaebum the long-overdue truth.

“He didn’t ruin anything,” you said. “Jiho didn’t hear what Jackson and I talked about at that event.”

“Well, then what happened? How come we’re here?”

You took a deep breath.

“I ended it,” you said simply with a small shrug, “because I finally realized that none of this was ever going to be worth it. I ended it and then I quit my job at the gallery, too. I realized I’d made a mistake: I should have never stomped on all that I thought was right. I should have stuck with my morals. I realized where I was and what I was doing, and I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to talk to Jiho anymore, let alone work with him,” you could feel yourself fire up as you talked, the emotions that had taken over you too difficult to control, “I didn’t even want to host a stupid fucking exhibition anymore. I just—I wanted you. And I no longer cared if I would've had to rob a construction site so I could build my own fucking gallery from the ground up and have the damn exhibition there, all on my own terms. I no longer cared if the exhibition would never even happen. I think, for a moment, I was hoping it would never happen because I didn’t think I deserved it. Because it made no sense if I didn’t have you. Nothing made sense if you weren’t with me.”

Jaebum couldn’t find enough air in the room to fill his lungs.

“Y-you—but why?” he asked, breathless and completely distraught. “You could have kept going. Like you said, if you’d have endured him a little more, you could have had your own exhibition just like you wanted. Why tell me and break the deal with Jiho off—”

“Because I love you,” you cut him off and for the next minute, the two of you listened to the heavy silence of the room, hearing how, beat by beat, your hearts returned to the harmonious rhythm.

He didn’t say anything – he was afraid – and you didn’t think you’d manage to find the strength to talk either, but the look on his face pushed you to open your mouth.

“I-I love you so fucking much, I’d rather throw away my only shot at a successful future than lose you,” you said, very uncertain about breaking the silence but gradually growing more confident once you saw the old glimmer in Jaebum’s eyes return, “I love you so much, I can’t pretend to be a different person with a different set of values, because every step along the way, I know that you would never support me like this,” you dared to take a step closer to him and nearly tripped over your feet when he stayed still, not pulling away from you, “I love you so much, I would rather stand behind and quietly watch you drift away from me, further and further every day, than risk drowning our relationship for the sake of something as trivial as ambition.”

You were standing right in front of him now, the two of you breathing each other’s oxygen like you’ve done so many times before.

“That shit means nothing to me in comparison to you,” you said quietly, the corners of your eyes wet with tears. “I don’t want anything else. Not like that. Never like that. And I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to see this. I’m so sorry I didn’t immediately—I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I hesitated for so long. I-I waited and waited until I started to feel as if I could either have my exhibition or you and, if that was the case, I didn’t care about the fucking exhibition. I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

“F-fuck. You didn’t tell me. You kept quiet—”

“I know. Fuck, I know. And I’m sorry, Jaebum,” you kept going, repeating the apologies over and over as tears slid down your cheeks, leaving a glistening path of sorrow in their wake. Ignoring your own feelings, you focused on collecting all of the pain you’ve caused him. You’d have spent the entire night apologizing for every bit of it—no matter how small and irrelevant. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you and I can’t think straight. I’ve never—you’re the only—fuck, I thought I was keeping it all to myself because I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. I don’t even know why that made sense to me—I-I’m sorry. I should have never kept you in the dark about this. I wanted—I want you next to me through everything I go through. I do, really, and I’m so sorry. I should have—”

“Please stop,” he asked shakily, “don’t apologize anymore. Please, just—l-let me kiss you. I can’t breathe.”

The words seemed heaven-sent -- you could almost hear a grandiose tune crescendo in the background but that could have just been your heart exploding -- and the speed with which your hands wrapped themselves around his neck as his lips found yours, stopped the earth from turning. The feeling of his body pressed against yours and every single touch of his fingers against your skin was filled with emotions so strong, it could have rearranged every star in the Milky Way.

You could hear the stars exploding in the night sky outside and you could taste the supernovas on his lips. You kissed him back, reading every painful memory he kept as your fingertips brushed against the shivering skin on the nape of his neck. You could feel the love for him burst in your chest, extending far into the other galaxies and returning right back, right to this empty room, where one single soul was beginning to patch itself back together again.

You never wanted to pull away and Jaebum held you like he wasn’t ever going to let you. His tongue slid under yours until the kiss was almost as deep as the love in his heart and as strong as his grip on your waist. He kissed you like he was never going to leave. Like everything was going to be okay.

When you pulled away, your lungs were heavy with the air you had both struggled to find in this room and your chests were full of the love you’ve held yourselves back from sharing. You leaned in, kissing him again – not taking the feeling of his lips against yours for granted but still not being able to get enough of him – and he stopped you from pulling away by kissing you harder because the thought of not having kissed you for so long suddenly hurt much more than anything else.

You were laughing when he broke the kiss to inhale, leaning his forehead against yours. His hands were still on your waist as if the only way to make sure that you were really here, was to hold you as close as possible.

“Y-you said you quit your job,” he mentioned after a moment, his eyes scanning every inch of your face to check how much of you has changed while he wasn’t there to see it. “Are you sure about that?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s okay. I’m looking for a new one,” you said and then could not resist adding, “maybe you can support a poor girl with the money you’ll get when your debut album goes platinum.”

Jaebum laughed and, for a quick moment, it felt like you’ve died and appeared right at the gates to heaven. The thought that you’d risked never hearing the sound of his laughter again was impossible to bear.

“Hey, but what about the bottomless pit, looming in the distance of our relationship?” he asked.

You hated the metaphor when you said it but you wanted to stomp it into the ground when he repeated it. He was probably never going to let the dramatic flair in your speech go but even the possibility of him mocking you for the rest of your life excited you.

“I spit in it,” you said, dead-serious. “And anyone who tries to get to us will be drowned in said spit.”

Jaebum frowned but the smile didn’t leave his lips. “That is disgusting and very violent.”

“Every time I end up almost losing you, I become more aggressive,” you confessed in a humorous tone but you weren’t joking about anything you were saying. “Watch out, I’ll kill a man for you one day.”

He laughed again – and the heavenly gates opened up even wider – shaking his head. “I hope that won’t be necessary.”

You cleared your throat, the moment’s banter broken by the heaviness in your chest that, frankly, might never go away despite how tonight ended.

“I hope so, too,” you said and your hands detached themselves from around his neck, sliding down his chest until you felt him reluctantly release your waist. You needed more distance if you wanted to tell him the things you’ve gotten too overwhelmed to say before. “I truly am sorry, Jaebum. I never ever wanted to keep any secrets from you, I—”

“I know,” he said almost reflexively. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

He nodded, agreeing with your disagreeing eyes. “Yeah, alright. It’s not. But I love you. I don’t know what’s okay anymore when it comes to you.”

The shivers that ran down your body after he said the three words seemed to buzz so loudly, you couldn’t hear your thoughts anymore, let alone think about the power you held over him.

“I… I’m scared of the lengths I might go in order not to lose your love,” you admitted slowly, your stomach clenching and twisting and turning as you said the words that seemed right but felt so terrifying. “I’m scared I might keep proving to be unworthy of it.”

Jaebum lifted his hands to reach yours – still resting on his chest – and he squeezed them, pressing them into his chest harder until you could feel his heartbeat.

“My love isn’t that noble of a thing,” he said.

“It is to me,” you insisted. “I know you don’t give it to just anyone and I hate to think that I almost proved to you that all of your fears about this – about us – were rational.”

You were afraid to look him in the eyes but he refused to speak if you weren’t.

“They weren’t rational,” he said once your gazes finally met.

“W-what?” you frowned. “But—”

“They never were rational,” he said, the beating of his heart accentuating every word. “There was never a legitimate reason for me to be afraid of what would happen to us next. I can’t be afraid of life. And I know that for certain now because you told me you loved me a-and you meant it. You’re the first person who told me that and meant it.”

“Jaebum,” you whispered, scared to talk louder than his heart was beating. “You will probably never meet a person who fucks up more than I do. I make mistakes so stupid, it’s impossible I haven’t accidentally killed myself yet. And I always realize that what I’m doing is wrong when it’s too late.”

He watched you before admitting, “I don’t see your point.”

“I love you but I don’t want you to feel like you owe me to love me back,” you confessed, getting your hands out from under his and dropping them to your sides. The words you were saying to him now were a permission for him to leave and touching him felt too much like holding him back from making a rational, sensible decision. “You deserve a relationship where you wouldn’t have to try so hard. A relationship where you would be treated right and would never have to overcome all of these huge obstacles in order to be happy. A-and I love you enough to leave if you tell me to leave.”

He didn’t respond right away and, for every second that he was quiet, the fear spread faster and faster inside of you. You would certainly go if he told you to but you were scared of how many pieces of yourself you’d leave with him when you walked away.

“God,” Jaebum finally said. “You do make painfully dumb decisions, that part was true.”

“I—” your eyebrows had risen as these weren’t the words you’d expected him to say. “Yeah, alright. I do.”

“If you left me, ever,” Jaebum said, “that would be the mistake you’d realize you’d made too late.”

You tried not to focus on the excited whimpering of your heart. “I-I just don’t want you to feel like—”

“You are indescribably thick—” Jaebum interrupted.

“Okay, now that stung a little—”

“—for ever thinking that I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he finished, taking your hands back into his so you wouldn’t cut him off again.

“Y-you…” your breath hitched, “you’d want that?”

“Of course,” Jaebum said, pulling you back closer to him as final proof that he was absolutely not going to let you leave. “No relationships sail smoothly from beginning to end. There are obstacles everyone has to overcome so they could be together in the end.”

“But these obstacles, they—they’re never this big for others,” you weren’t sure why you kept talking but it still didn’t feel like all was said and done. You’ve already made so many apologies about keeping secrets from him that it didn’t feel right to stop talking before you’ve truly said everything. “We’ve gone through so much and I’ve always been scared that you and I might have an expiration date. I don’t want to put you through any more suffering because of me, and, God knows, I can’t walk away from you but maybe being with someone shouldn’t be so hard.”

His grip on you only tightened.

“Maybe it shouldn’t,” he said. “But if it is, then you’re the only person I want to go through all of those hard times with. Maybe that’s my painfully dumb decision.”

You gave him a look. “Ha.”

“I love you,” Jaebum smiled, his voice sounding far less strained than it did when you first came here tonight as if a thousand pounds have been lifted from the inside of his throat. “And if this love is exactly what kills me, then, at least, I’ll die knowing that you love me, too.”

“I do,” you promised, smiling when he grimaced at his own choice of words. “Always.”

It was what he needed to hear. It was all that he needed to hear and he leaned in to capture your lips with his in a kiss that sealed the promises made here.

Jaebum could recognize his own vulnerability when it came to you – not that it mattered when your lips were against his – and he was partially convinced that he’d already forgiven you long before you came to see him tonight. But the fact that you did come only proved to him that you were worthy of his forgiveness.

You would've had to be extremely naïve to believe that you'd immediately move past the weeks of silence and the days of pain. All of it might still return to haunt you in the future but it was okay because, with every shared kiss, the hurt and the pain would recede until, eventually, it’d turn into a memory. A memory that made you stronger.

You’ve made promises to each other tonight. Promises to fight together, even if sometimes you couldn’t help but return to your very roots and argue with each other instead. However, at the end of every fight, what you would truly be defending would not be your own interest or your own feelings. You’d be defending this relationship. Defending your heart and his heart, permanently tied together with rusty, tortured--and yet unbreakable--chains.

You would have screamed, suffered, and sacrificed the whole world to keep his heart safe and he would have done all of that for you.

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years

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(っ◔◡◔)っ 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

hii,, hope you two are doing well uwu. ok so far, ive only been requesting stuff n i figured might as well just ask for a matchup too lol,,,for knb, haikyuu, free, and fire force (i know ur rules said only 3 so it can be any three from those 4 lol)

my name’s lily and uh basic stuff..i’m a female high school student around 156cm maybe 157 on a good day;3 im bi but with more of a preference for guys (who are tall, like as long as ur a tall guy/girl whatever, i will prolly automatically start simping akdhfj)

i have long black hair that’s usually straight but on a slightly wavy side. my skin’s like a light-ish brown and my eyes are chocolate brown,, or so i’m told. i’m on the more busty side and would say i’m fairly curvy(?) but my grandma keeps saying i’m skinny and need to eat more:))speaking of eating, its like absolutely one of my favorite things ever lolol (so yeah kinda contradictory lol)

according to a test i did i’m ESTP-A altho i don’t rlly know much about personality types so i can’t say for sure if that’s accurate. even tho i’m usually extroverted i can be pretty introverted a times to so(?) ambivert(?) i guess. pisces (but i wouldn’t say i’m a perfect example of a pisces) im somewhat emotional and yeah kinda artistic i guess, just not in drawing lol. i can do other stuff well just not drawing akjdj,,,school-wise i do pretty well despite being lazy and procrastinating a lot (i guess you could say i’m the aomine of academics🤪) oh yeah im also on the school volleyball team and a few other “academic” clubs (MUN, etc.) i can also play the piano altho i don’t rlly play classics,,mainly anime songs akjdjd. yes, i’m a major weeb. my room’s full of posters and manga and my wallet’s full of emptiness;-;

ok some more random things about me…i’m apparently rlly impulsive, i am a pretty confident person but like i still panic a lot before competitions or anything like that ajhdjd also when i panic, i ramble…a lot. actually i think i ramble a lot on a daily basis regardless of whether or not i’m panicking oop— uh back to the confidence thing, if it’s in terms of a crush or someone i like, i don’t hesitate to confess or anything like that unless the situation is kinda complicated and it’d be hard to be together or like i’m not 100% sure of my feelings stuff like that,, basically i don’t rlly have much of a fear of rejection(?) but maybe that more cuz i haven’t rlly liked liked anyone THAT much yet. oh ohh i lovee baking esp. cookies altho i get lazy a lot so i haven’t been baking as much. ah yes another thing about me my brother will never stop teasing me about…my fear of fish:) they creep me out ok. i love snakes and crocs tho so uh ?? idk i’m weird like that lolol. oh yeah i have a little brother and sister so a lot of people see me as the “responsible older sister”. is that true? i’d say yes, my bro n sis would say no🤡. one last thing, i love elephants more than anything in this world🥺🥺💗

oof ok that was pretty long— sorryyy and thank you for taking time to read through all this akhdjf

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello @pinkcowgirleggpanda~! Thank you for your request~! I’ll be handling the KnB portion of your match-up~! ^^

» » Admin Ko

And I’ll be doing the other two! Thank you for choosing us and I am so sorry this took so long to get out ;;!

>Admin 𝕋

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

ᴛᴇᴘᴘᴇɪ ᴋɪʏᴏꜱʜɪ

Precious iron heart~! Despite his persona on the court, he’s actually a very sweet, protective, and kind spirit~! He is definitely your stable and solid rock in any situation / scenario you might find yourself in~! In terms of being emotional, he’s rather in touch with his emotions and will definitely be able to help ground you or at least bring you back to sensible ground if your emotions get the better of you and make you more stressed out than need be.

Other then that, he’s super curious and interested about your hobbies~! He likes to support you and honestly will keep you in line if you happen to stray too far from what needs to be done. He won’t really lecture you, but he’ll remind you that to get out of the hell that’s called school you gotta at least finish with passing. He wants to see you succeed and will feel bad if you happen to fall into a slump or a mood where you end up upset at yourself.

He will definitely be out to support you at any an all of your games~! He’ll always be in the stands with the other Seirin members to support~! (Really he drags them against their will, but they end up coming on their own to support you after seeing how cool it was)

Teppei will definitely be a big help on your impulsive moments. He loves and worries over you and will definitely evaluate a situation quick enough so he can decide whether or not what you’re doing is good or not. He thinks it’s absolutely adorable when you ramble and before games he’ll be the one to gently cup your face before pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead for luck in hopes of calming you down. He knows you’re gonna kick ass anyway.

In terms of PDA, he’s not super handsy, but he does love to let others know that you’re definitely taken. He’ll hand you one of his shirts on a whim if you are in need of one. He let’s you borrow his jackets and hoodies. He’ll always have an arm around you too~!

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘦 𝘠𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘬𝘪

This cool and somewhat overprotective man is definitely someone who would be perfect for you! This man will be able to keep you grounded, and be able to makes sure that you get things done, and not procrastinate your work! One thing that he will really like about you is that fact that you can be super open and inviting with everyone you meet, but then be amazed at how when you are by yourself you are quiet and just overall a soft. The contrast will be intriguing to him!

You say that you are impulsive, and he can help you with that no problem! Help you stay out of your head and keep you in a calm state of mind, so you don’t do anything impulsive and start panicking about something! He understand the feel of anxiety so he will do anything he can to make sure you don’t always feel that when you are around him!

He’ll take into account that you eat a lot, and will use it to his advantage so that whenever you guys are on a date, he will literally buy you food the whole and loves watching you eat until your heart’s content. He loves seeing your face when you enioy the food that you eat. It’s one of the reasons why he started liking you, because of how open you are with things that you like and enjoy.

He will think it is absolutely hilarious that you have a fear of fish, like I mean he won’t outright say it, but in his mind he will think it is funny, but adorable. Another thing that made him like you, only because it was so charming to him.

Physical features and PDA: He won’t necessarily care for PDA, as in if you were to want to engage in pda he will, but he won’t ever actively want to do excessive pda if that makes sense lolol. He won’t care if you are skinny, but it will be easier for when he wasn’t to pick you up and throw you in a fun way! And with your hair I feel like he will love just to put his hands through absently whenever you guys cuddle!

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

ᴛᴏʙɪᴏ ᴋᴀɢᴇʏᴀᴍᴀ

One word, chaotic. But in a good way! See you and Kageyama would like two puzzle pieces, and the reason being is because he is emotionally stupid, that you can definitely help him with that! I mean, seriously, he needs some help. Help him. Anyways, you and Kageyama will have a blast with each other; he will be the type of person where your mental battery doesn’t get drained because he is just a quiet as you can be and just as soft. The cuddles would be endless and amazing because of this.

He will like how confident you are, from confessing to someone to being confident in competitions and such. And if he were to see you that you are panicking, he will do his best to calm you down. Key phrase here is do his best. He might not be that good at it, but you love the spirit. He is more of an introvert so him trying to make you feel better is gonna take a toll on him, but he will do it to make you feel better! Because he loves you!

This boi will love that you eat so much. He will have literal eating contest with you and then pass out when you win and he ate too much food. He’ll like how you aren’t afraid to show your “boyish” for lack of a better word. He’ll also love that you play volleyball and will want to play with you all the time. I mean it. All the time. Literally will push a volleyball in your face until you say yes to him, and then he’ll stop when he is satisfied.

Kageyama, when he finds out that you bake will definitely want to eat some of your baking! You’ll mention it in a passing way, and he’ll stop you in your conversation and immediately want you to bake for him, which you obviously can’t, but you think it’s either way and tell him you will the next day! Next day comes around and he scarfs down the cookies like he depends on it, and when done will give you kiss as thanks. It’s kind of gross though because his mouth is still full lololol.

Physical features and pda; Like Sousuke, he isn’t one to actively look for pda, but if you were to hold his hand or cuddle with him in public, he will unconciously respond to you, he will really not think about and it’s the most adorable thing ever! He will just lean into and play with your curly hair and not really think anything of it. He will get laughed at by his friends, and he will be embarrassed but he won’t stop once he gets started! You are also just very huggable to him!

#match-ups #matchup #submissions #anime matchup #submission #knb matchup #knb x reader #teppei kiyoshi x reader #teppei x reader #free x reader #free! matchup #free! sousuke #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu matchups #kageyama tobio

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mithranqueersmusings · 4 years

Text

Before This Dance Is Through II

Chapter: 2/16

Rating: T

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Ringo was just about to get into bed when a notification rang out from his phone, it was charging on the other side of the room because that was the only way he could get himself out of bed in the morning. It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning which meant the text could only be from one person.

you up???

This was far from the first of these texts that Ringo had received from John, they were almost a weekly occurrence by this point but more often than not Ringo had already fallen asleep.

was just about to go to bed. why?

do you have work tomorrow????

not until 12 do you?

fuck off

John was a writer, a poet more than anything, which meant that he was always working which really meant that he was never working. Ringo was a drum teacher, had been for almost 7 years at this point, which wasn't as exciting as it sounded; he mostly worked for rich families who had a child who was trying to do something edgy or was brought into schools for one of those strange activity days. Drumming was Ringo's passion and while he was glad that he was able to earn money doing something he loved, he dearly wished he was able to drum for himself rather than spending several hours a week just trying to get a kid to hold the sticks correctly.

i was about to take a little ride down the helter skelter care to join me ;)

Ringo stared down at his phone for a moment. It had been over a week since John had dragged him out to that strip club, and while he'd like to say that he'd forgotten about the whole thing it was far from the truth. The sight of Spike dancing on that stage had plagued his memory almost every night since, leading to more than one occasion of late-night indulgence. Ringo had felt guilty touching himself thinking about the other man, but he couldn't pinpoint the reason; he supposed it must've been the guilt he'd felt when watching him dance, and the shame that followed from having to run away into the bathroom like a scared, little kid. His thumbs were frozen in place hovering above his phone screen while his mind was racing. The sensible part of his brain told him to just go to bed, if he indulged this desire tonight it would make the last time more than a one-off and he wasn't sure he was prepared to accept that. Yet the deeper part of his mind, the one he often tried to ignore, urged him to go back just for the opportunity to see Spike again - after all, the current wank material he was providing was getting a little stale.

have you fallen asleep you twat

no no im still here

well do you wanna come or not?? i can pick you up

are you sober?

mostly

mostly?

fuck sake ARE YOU COMING OR NOT

fine but ill drive

whatever makes you happy

As much as he wouldn't like to admit it, Ringo spent a ridiculous amount of time - by his standards - choosing what to wear. Even though he knew the club was dangerously dark, and even though what he wore shouldn't really matter, that voice in the back of his mind told him to look nice for him. For the stripper he'd seen for about 5 minutes, the stripper whose real name he didn't even know, who probably didn't even remember Ringo in the slightest. He'd tried his best to not read too far into the obsession his brain seemed to have with Spike - trying to separate himself from his thoughts as though they were two separate beings had been a vital step in this - but as he stood in front of his mirror comparing two near identical jumpers, he supposed he wasn't going to be able to ignore it for much longer. His heart even felt heavy at the thought that Spike might be working tonight; he couldn't tell if it was just a strange fixation that his desperation had conjured up but the only thing he knew for certain was that he wanted to see him again.

Ringo arrived at John's place later than he would've liked but when the front door was opened to revealed a very ruffled, very drunk man, Ringo figured John wouldn't have noticed how long he'd been.

"Mostly sober?" Ringo scoffed at the sight of him, his cheeks rosy and a satisfied smile spread across his lips.

"You're not my mum and you're not the police, so fuck off." John was leaning against the door-frame, Ringo supposed partly for support and partly to look cool.

It was a common occurrence for John to get like this, far more common than Ringo would've liked. John drank a lot, at first Ringo figured it was just something everyone did when they got old enough to drink with almost no consequences, then as it continued he tried to explain it away as just something artists did. Years had passed since Ringo had first noticed it and nothing had really changed, it had gotten worse if anything, but there was nothing he really felt he could do. He debated whether he should cancel the plan altogether, to insist that John stayed home and got some sleep, but things were never really that simple. He was almost certain that if he refused to drive them, John would only find another way. He'd tried multiple things over the years: dragging him along to AA meetings, swearing to give up alcohol alongside him, even refusing to hang out with him if he'd been drinking, but nothing seemed to work. John had been through a lot, still was going through a lot, so Ringo figured the best thing he could do was simply to be there for John, it was both the most and least he could do.

Before they headed out Ringo at least managed to convince John to eat some leftover Chinese food he had in the fridge in an attempt to soak up the alcohol somewhat - and to ensure he'd had at least one semi-decent meal that day. They then slid into Ringo's car, it was a little beaten up but it served its purpose, and drove off to the place Ringo was almost certain would be the death of him. It was a Saturday so unsurprisingly the club was a great deal busier than it had been last time, there were several small groups of people smoking outside, some of them clearly workers and how they weren't risking getting frostbite Ringo didn't know. Any hopes of John sobering up a little on the journey there were dashed when he immediately hurried over to the bar as soon as they walked in the door. Ringo tried to stick to his side as best he could, his nervousness from the first time felt like it had tripled with how busy the place was now, so he aimed to keep in John's gravitational pull as much as possible. The music seemed louder but Ringo was certain that was just his imagination. They had to elbow their way to the front of the bar just to get noticed, luckily John had no qualms doing it, which resulted in a few glares from the other customers.

With their drinks in hand they couldn't sit - or hide as Ringo saw it - at the bar like they had done last time, instead they moved further into the club in search for a place to sit. There was a booth near the bathroom that was empty, for obvious reasons, which Ringo pulled them towards desperately. Maybe this was a bad idea. What was he really expecting after all? At most he'd catch another glimpse of Spike, almost have a heart-attack then have to run home less than ten minutes later. Anxiety began nibbling away at his mind, it had a nasty habit of doing that, and the claustrophobic atmosphere wasn't helping. John seemed right at home, as he did almost anywhere, craning his neck between people in search for someone.

"Looking for your Paulie?" Ringo asked in an eager attempt to calm his nerves.

"He's hardly mine." John chuckled, not turning to look at Ringo but continuing his search "Might not even be working tonight."

"Don't you have like his schedule or something?" Ringo sipped his drink.

"That'd be making things a little too official. Not really my style." John sat back in his seat with a small huff, clearly he didn't find what he was looking for.

From where they were sitting they had a fairly obstructed view of the stage but from what little Ringo could gather he wasn't too interested: a muscular man dressed as a policeman was gradually getting undressed while making crude use of a prop baton.

"Any sign of your guy?" John shouted to be heard over the music and it made Ringo jump.

Ringo paused for a moment looking into John's eyes, he considered playing dumb but decided there was no use "Afraid not. Maybe he's not working tonight either."

"That'd be some rotten luck." John clicked his tongue in his mouth "Let's check the back."

"The back?" Ringo raised an eyebrow "That sounds unbelievably dodgy."

"It's not! Well..." John broke his sentence with a laugh "It's just where they do the more 'alternative' stuff, you know?"

"No I don't know, but I suppose I'm gonna find out." Ringo chuckled rather weakly.

John raised his glass in the air a little and Ringo clinked his own against it, they downed the remainder of their drinks and slammed the glasses down on the table unnecessarily hard. John then led them around the edge of the stage, they managed to get another drink at the second bar before they headed down a suspiciously narrow set of stairs which led to an even darker corridor. They then passed through a squeaky door into a small room, barely lit excluding a spotlight focused on a stage at the other end. There were several people scattered across the limited space, a few resting against a makeshift bar which consisted of planks of wood connected to the walls and the rest sat to face the stage.

And there he was. Spike was sat on a stool onstage with an acoustic guitar in his lap and absolutely nothing else. It wasn't a sight Ringo had been prepared for, as much as the erotic gyrating and tear-away clothing had been a shock to his system this was completely different.

Ringo stopped in his tracks when he computed the sight: his pale, lean body curled up around the guitar that he was playing beautifully. His hair wasn't coiffed this time, rather it fell down across his sharp face in waves with faint curls. John turned around when he'd noticed Ringo's absence beside him, a sly grin curled on his face as he grabbed Ringo's arm and pulled him down to the front where they sat.

"What did I tell you?" John whispered "Sexy art."

Spike didn't seem to notice them despite how close they were, he seemed completely immersed in the music he was playing. Ringo hadn't recognised the song at first, perhaps he'd been to busy focusing on other things, but now he could tell it was 'Heaven' by Talking Heads; he made a happy note in his mind that it seemed like the two of them had a somewhat similar music taste, although he couldn't really admit that such a thing shouldn't matter. Looking around at the other customers, it looked like they were mostly taking refuge from the chaos of the main room, many of them resting their heads against the bar for some comfort and the others bordering on unconscious.

Somehow this occasion made Ringo feel even more nervous, even though their previous encounter had been extremely closer and inherently sexual, it was more personal therefore way more uncomfortable. He could hear his voice now, another piece of the puzzle he was shamefully building in his mind, and it was beautiful. It was a little husky but still gentle, an accent poking through in places. Ringo could get a better look at his face now: the dark eyelashes, the hints of hair between his two eyebrows and sharp canine teeth protruding from his open mouth. His eyes focused on the slender fingers playing the guitar strings, veins showing underneath the skin. Ringo felt like he was watching something very private, as if Spike was completely unaware of everyone's presence and could see nothing but his guitar. A quick way to Ringo's heart was through music and it was looking like Spike had bought a first-class ticket.

Ringo hadn't even noticed that the song had ended at first, not until John began clapping and cheering loudly in his ear. Spike seemed similarly out of it, the sudden sound of John snapping his attention away from the music and he gave a small smile in response. They seemed like completely different people: the strutting, confident man from a week ago and the soft, vulnerable one in front of them now. Sparse claps followed shortly after John's, the lack of energy caused by alcohol wearing off was very evident.

"You're pretty good." John almost shouted, Ringo wasn't sure if it was because he was drunk or he still hadn't adjusted from the other room.

"Thanks." Spike replied, his fingers still wrapped around the neck of the guitar "Any requests?"

Ringo had thought his singing voice was beautiful, but the way he spoke somehow had even more of an effect on him. The accent was thicker now and judging by how such a small amount of words could excite him so much, Ringo knew he was in trouble.

"I dunno... What do you think Ringo?" John nudged his friend beside him, embarrassingly emphasising his name which just about managed to shake Ringo from the daze he was falling into.

"Oh, er-" Ringo stammered for a second, Spike looking right at him wasn't helping his nerves in the slightest "Know any Bob Dylan?"

Spike laughed at this and for a moment Ringo cursed himself but before he could chastise himself too harshly, Spike smiled again and spoke "He's one of my favourites."

John nudged Ringo again but he wasn't paying enough attention to him to get embarrassed. He was far too focused on how Spike's fingers began to play the guitar once more, the way his lips moved over his teeth and how his bare feet tapped against the footrest of the stool as he began singing 'Just Like a Woman'. Once again he seemed to disappear into the music which Ringo was very grateful for, for if his eyes began to wander and met his unfaltering gaze he was certain he wouldn't be able to take it. For the majority of the song Ringo had completely forgotten his surroundings, the faint pulse of the loud music from upstairs or the drooling men strewn about the room, he'd even forgotten that Spike was naked while he played. John seemed similarly impressed, although he was considerably more inebriated than Ringo was, and he could see John passing him a few sideways glances during the song.

When the song ended John enthusiastically applauded once more, Ringo followed suit with a slight delay as he found his mind shutting off everything around him. Spike looked down at the two of them with a smile, shuffled in the stool then stood up.

"Well that's all from me." He spoke "Thanks for listening." The words were directed purely at John and Ringo, while there were others who appeared to be barely listening in the back nobody else seemed to be paying much attention.

"Wait!" John called out, startling both Spike and Ringo "Are you done for the night?"

Spike chuckled softly "No, they're gonna close this room in a little bit though, so you might wanna clear out."

"Will you give my friend a private dance?" John asked and now it was Ringo's turn to nudge him.

"Not dressed like this I can't." Spike gestured with his free hand to his nakedness, his guitar was the only thing upholding his modesty.

Ringo was glaring at John now, who only gave him a quick glance before returning his attention back to Spike "How about we come find you upstairs in a few minutes?"

"Fine by me." Spike replied and turned his gaze to Ringo "But your friend doesn't seem too keen."

He didn't give either of them time to protest, which was probably for the best because Ringo was having trouble articulating any coherent thoughts, as he turned his back and walked off the stage. Ringo fought the urge to not look at his arse as he left, and failed entirely. John giggled at the sight which broke Ringo's absentmindedness. The nudge evolved into a harder shove which only intensified John's laughter.

"I hate you." Ringo hissed but he couldn't stop the laughter from breaking through.

"What did I do?" John held his hands up helplessly and Ringo gave him another shove which rocked the chair sideways.

A bouncer walked into the room at the moment, calling for everyone to head back upstairs; Ringo envied the unconscious drunkards that were unable to return to the main room. John's laughter didn't subside the entire time they made their way up the stairs, only being silenced when he took a sip of his newly ordered drink. The room had thinned out a little, Ringo supposed the closing of downstairs only signalled that most people were going to start heading home now, but there were clearly many people who were aiming to stay as long as they possibly could. They managed to get two seats at the bar which allowed Ringo to look amongst the crowd nervously for any sight of Spike.

"What are you so worried about?" John asked, leaning his elbow on the counter.

"Honestly I don't know." Ringo chuckled "It's a bit pathetic, huh?"

"You said it, not me." John grinned "No, no it's just strange. I know you're not the world's biggest slut but you're no prude either."

"I don't think it's a prude thing." Ringo suggested.

"Then what?" John pried, he ran his finger around the rim of his glass.

"It's just him." Ringo lowered his voice a little.

"Well shit. Ringo's in love with a stripper." John matched Ringo's volume but enunciated the words enough that he may as well have been shouting.

"Shut up." Ringo shook his head "You're one to talk."

"Don't bring Paulie into this, that's a strictly professional relationship." John pointed his finger in Ringo's face which made him laugh. "This isn't about me anyway, it's about you. I'm not leaving here until you get that dance."

"You might be waiting a while then." Ringo said a little sadly.

"Nope, I refuse. You'll thank me later, I swear to it." John had moved his hand to Ringo's shoulder now.

"I'm just scared." Ringo mumbled.

"Of what? Ringo, these people have put up with the weirdest, creepiest fucks you can imagine. He'll probably be over the moon that you don't look like you belong on a register." John shook Ringo lightly, forcing him to look up at him.

Ringo let out a huff "Fine, if it'll shut you up."

"Sure if that's the line you wanna go with." John chuckled "You want it Ringo, stop denying yourself the pleasure. Be more like me."

"I dunno if I wanna take it that far." Ringo looked out amongst the room again and caught sight of a familiar face.

John followed Ringo's line of sight and beamed when he spotted Spike "Come on then, time to pop your cherry."

"Please don't put it like that." Ringo rolled his eyes as John pulled him up from his seat.

It wasn't really nervousness he was feeling, it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what it was. Ringo knew that he if he didn't want to this then he didn't have to, it would've been as simple as that, but he did want to. It was probably exactly how much he wanted it that scared him. Like the feeling that happens right before getting up on stage or before revealing good news to a loved one: excitement so intense it can turn into sickness. And Ringo was excited; he was very, very excited.

#the beatles #beatles #beatles fanfic #the beatles fanfic #beatles fanfiction #george harrison/ringo starr #ringo starr/george harrison #ringo starrxgeorge harrison #george harrisonxringo starr #starrison

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gongju-juice · 4 years

Text

HANA

Part One

Word Count: 2628

Warning: Language and Some Angst

Synopsis: President Namjoon can no longer sit and watch his people suffer in the long drawn out war with Daeian Kingdom. But he finds the only to do so is to proceed in a marriage alliance with the daughter of his country’s worst enemy.

Not everyone likes that.

The thing that defines a nation is not the prosperity of its people, its economical accomplishments, or the culture that affects the everyday lives of millions.

It is the integrity of its leader, the very face and image of the people who allowed him to rise to power. Perhaps, this is where other great nations fail. From Julius Caesar to Hitler—the ambitions of one man can steadily build a nation to power over the course of many years, but just the same, burn it to ashes in one single day.

Kim Namjoon, honorable President of Hana knew this too, and knew it well. Ever since his inauguration, he’d made it a priority to brave the best smile for the citizens of his country. As one of the only true Democratic nations left in such a corrupt world, Hana was constantly being looked to both as a beacon of light and as a target overdue for destruction. There were shadows lurking about that seeked not only the downfall of Hana, but the permanent eradication of Hanaeian way of life and government.

So why, you might ask, was he standing behind his presidential podium on the top balcony of the Pearl Palace, announcing to his people and the Blue District his intentions to marry the daughter of Hana’s most formidable enemy nation?

“Brothers and Sisters,” he called, leaning into the podium. His nails dug deep into the ancient rose wood, carving indents into the glossy covering. “I come to you again in the name of reason. We have been in a stalemate war with the Kingdom of Yeir for three decades now, wasting generations of our sons’ blood for a fight that has long lost its purpose. It is time we make peace, for Hana was founded on this precious ideology that the rest of the world refuses to partake in.”

A sea of gasps sounded below the balcony, and as far as he could see, people were crowded onto the broad green lawn of the Pearl Palace. This war they’d been fighting, this war they’d been dying for—it was a ceaseless cycle of bloodshed and violence. How could Hana proclaim to be the most sensible nation when in reality it had been constantly fighting its demons and draining its people of morale and hope?

“I have sent a proposition to King Dae and his royal court,” he continued, “in an effort to arrange a peace agreement and end this unceasing war once and for all.”

The people surged in approval, and although he was a high above them in the Pearl Palace, the sound was nearly deafening. He cleared his throat loudly, and the sound reverberated throughout the courtyard, bringing the people to contented silence.

“With compromise comes sacrifice. As your leader, I pray that you are willing to lend me your trust. Dealing with this. . .kingdom and its ancient form of government, there are bound to be terms and limits that may not exactly align with Hana’s policies. Please understand that these are all necessary stipulations.”

The crowd remained quiet, and it both pleased him and terrified him. The next words he were to say would define the remainder of his term. Four years. . .in Hana; one could be President for life. However, it was very easy to go down in history books as either a saint or sinner, and Namjoon hoped to go down as the former. But for the sake of the country, he’d be willing to go down as the latter if it only meant it would guarantee the safety of his fellow countrymen.

“King Dae has offered Crown Princess Y/N’s hand in marriage in exchange for a complete cease of fire.”

Suddenly, the crowd erupted. There were people shouting his name—some in support and others in, well, quite the opposite. The guards monitoring the situation moved in closer, but there was not much they could do. Namjoon pre-instructed the Head of Security, Matthew Kim, not to let his guards touch the people. He couldn’t risk the situation escalating any further and further paint the situation in a negative light.

“I know it sounds absurd. As a Democratic nation, Hana never envisioned having to put itself in such a precarious position. But sadly, the world does not revolve around Hana, and if we are going to peaceably exist in this world, there will be things we will have to do in order to ensure that privilege.”

Namjoon felt his Secretary of State, Jung Jaehyun, tense at his side. As the Secretary of State, he was responsible for foreign affairs and the diplomatic handling of other nations. Namjoon internally beat himself over it; he was the one who’d ask Jaehyun to arrange the engagement with the Yeir Kingdom, which would in turn not only damage his own reputation, but Jaehyun’s reputation as well. He was a good man, and good men did not deserve the blame he was sure to receive.

“Because I know this is such a tremendous task, I shall be the one to carry the responsibility of being wed to the Princess,” he explained, gripping the podium even tighter. “And I know you’re probably wondering why you did not hear of these plans through Congress. I’m using the authority of my limited executive orders to get this task done.”

Cameras snapped and children screamed in the crowd. He straightened the papers on the podium and quickly skipped to the end of his speech.

“Once again, I acknowledge the fact that my decision is not a popular one. But as President, it is not my duty to be popular. It is my duty to see to it the people of Hana continue to exist in peace and self-autonomy for generations to come.”

He watched as the telepromopter changed to Vice President, Lee Taeyong’s, dialogue, and he turned and left the podium with screaming people behind him. Fiddling with the sleeves of his suit, he fell into step beside his Secretary of State and felt the heated stares of his cabinet burn a whole in the back of his head.

“How are the plans going?” he said after he couldn’t bear the fiery silence any longer.

Jaehyun tucked his files under his arm and seemed to speed up. The ambitious young man was the perfect choice for the position, which is why he immediately hired him in his cabinet. When they weren’t working, which wasn’t often, they sat around the Pearl Palace and drank Soju as just friends. It was during these times that they could be normal civilians, just associates hanging around without the mandated roles of being public officials.

“The Princess and her arrangements are underway, but King Dae requests the traditional wedding present in the form of a dowry.”

“Dowry?” the President repeated. “Like money?”

“Land. He wants her to inherit one of the islands of the coast of the country, and he wants her future son to have a guaranteed position in the Pearl Palace.”

Namjoon gulped. “Son? Like, he expects us to—”

“Conceive a child? What did you think this was? There’s no way a tyrant like him would jeopardize his lineage all for the sake of a peace treaty.” Jaehyun gave him a worried glance, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a president, Namjoon. And he’s a king. Honest men shouldn’t work with men like King Dae, and honestly, if I didn’t trust you as much as I do, I wouldn’t have done half the things you’ve asked me to do recently.”

They rounded about one of the corners and came into the Rose Office, which was Namjoon’s personal study. Inside, the Governors of all eight districts were present.

Hana was divided into seven districts with seven separate Governors that reported to the President occasionally. Usually, these meetings were done digitally, but with the special situation at hand, Namjoon wanted the seven leaders to visit him in person.

Lisa Manoban, his Secretary of Domestic Affairs; and Park Jimin, his Secretary of Treasury, were also present for the occasion. They were his right hand people, and he trusted them with his life.

“What the hell is wrong is with you?” Kim Jognin demanded, as he whirled on his heels. “Do you think we’re some kind of pushovers who’ll let you do whatever you want? We are the ones in charge of the nation, not you. You’re just a name. A figurehead. We did not give you authority to do such a rash—”

“If you keep speaking to our president like this, I will make it my priority to make things difficult for you in the future,” Lisa warned, folding her arms across her chest. “Namjoon doesn’t have to inform you of anything if you won’t give him a fair chance to begin with.”

Namjoon sat down in his swivel chair, hands finding purchase in the thick of his hair. “That’s enough. We have business to discuss. Everyone take a seat, please.”

They did as they were told, and now it was silent as they waited for the president to make ready on his promise.

“I should’ve told you about the deal,” he admitted. “I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. I knew that if I would’ve, you would’ve never gone along with it. Congress would’ve never gone along with it. I found an opportunity, and I had no choice. King Dae wasn’t going to wait much longer.”

“So how are we supposed to quell the people’s worries?” Chungha asked. “They absolutely loathe the Daeian people. How could they stomach a Daeian Princess in the Pearl Palace?”

Namjoon’s fingers fell to his jaw and he reclined back in his chair. “Once they see their sons, nephews, and fathers coming back from the front, they will accept it. It’ll take time, and it won’t be easy, but they’ll come around. With your help.”

“Our help?” Im Jaebum chuckled. “And why the fuck would we ever give you that?”

“Because Namjoon already told the public that you’re on board. You have no choice but to do it now, because if you don’t, then you’ll be going back on your word.” Jaehyun answered, turning on the holographic display of his watch to show the signed letter sent out to every household in Hana.

“And that’s supposed to scare us? That you lied and have no proof behind it?”

“It should. It should terrify you. Because even if you didn’t agree and this flops and they crucify Namjoon, who do you think they’ll come after next?”

Jaehyun had a point. Arguably, the Governors were the most powerful individuals in the country after the president. But in the heat of anger, the public would hunt them down and overthrow them just as sure. They had no choice but to cooperate.

“Another thing,” Jimin began, “Her dowry. Jinyoung, I hate to ask this favor of you—”

The Governor raised his hand. “Say no more. As Governor of the Lilac District, it would be an honor to aid our president in protecting our country. Which island does she want?”

“Preferably the Southern Isle. We’ll have to find accomodations for the refugees living on that land elsewhere. The Federal Treasury will completely cover the cost, so do not worry.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jennie, Governor of the Blue District, growled. The Blue District happened to be the home of the Capitol and Pearl Palace, so she and Namjoon constantly got into power struggles. “This is bullshit. Now you’re taking away Jinyoung’s land?”

Namjoon shook his head. “I didn’t say this would be easy, folks. You think I want this marriage to happen? Do you think I wanted to be married to the daughter of my sworn enemy?! I’m doing this for you, so your children won’t have to continue to fight in this bloody, eternal war. Hopefully in the future we can make arrangements so Jinyoung won’t actually have to lose power, but for now, we have to at least pretend if we’re going to get this deal to go through.”

It was quiet as the Governors took everything in. This would mean big changes, not just for their lives but the country as a whole. And refusing to cooperate could potentially mean the end of Hana—hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

“You didn’t have to do this,” San considered, a sigh leaving his lips. He was the youngest Governor among the bunch, but he never seemed to have any problems. He represented the Green District, the district responsible for agriculture and food reserves. “But I’m glad you did it anyway. For years, my people have been required to send at least one adult male from their family to fight for the country. The labor is mostly left up to the women and children, and it’s affecting their education and morale. It’s less noticeable in other districts because of the type of work that is assigned to them, but in my district, we work in the fields and barns all day long, and it isn’t easy to provide for the entire nation.”

“Perhaps the refugees who have passed most of their background checks can be relocated to my district,” Irene suggested thoughtfully. She governed the Indigo District which was composed mainly of barren snow desert with a few scattered villages that harvested oil.

Namjoon nodded at them appreciatively. It was ironic that the least powerful Governors were the ones who had his back. But still, it was better than nothing. The last thing he wanted was his other people to be split apart. He wanted them to at least try to fulfill his plan.

“The Princess will arrive next week to the Red District,” Jaehyun informed them. “Jognin, you will be responsible for her safe delivery and accommodations. We expect nothing but the best for our guest.”

He rolled his eyes and sank lower into his chair. “Fine.”

“And, Jennie, while she has her tour of the District, you must prepare the Blue District for her arrival. The wedding, reception, and royal accommodations will all be in your hand. The Treasury will cover you for that, but you must consult Jimin before any permanent transactions are made.”

Namjoon rose to his feet. “I really do appreciate you for all of your hard work. It isn’t accomplishing something as controversial and risky as this. I do believe if we all work together, we can get this done and spare the people of this war. If you won’t do it for me, then please, do it for them.”

The Governors bowed and began leaving. As they left, Namjoon studied their facial expressions. They were angry for sure—offended by the thought of having to work with the Daeian government—but he sensed hope. Perhaps they weren’t so totally against it as they first let on.

Just before the last person left his office, Jennie stopped in place and waited until they could no longer hear the voices receding.

“Just remember, Namjoon,” she spat, heels clicking as she resumed walking, “We’ve been here longer than you have. Our families have shaped these districts and made it the great societies they are today. If this goes sour, we will not hesitate to take things in our own hands.”

He sighed and looked up at her, noticing the glistening eyes behind her thick designer glasses. She was still hurt. He could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at him with hatred and malice burning in her heart.

“I won’t let anything happen to this country,” he promised, “and most importantly, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She stared at him in disbelief, her hands curled in fists. “Tell that to the princess,” she advised, “because with the staggering amount of people who’ll inevitably come for her life—she’ll need it.”

I don’t know if it’ll be this long every time, but I’m usually long-winded, so maybe so lmao.

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phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

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Love; not wrong (brave)

Happy valentines day 💞💞 i hope u have a great day, where ever you are and whatever you do.

This is litteraly just 4k words of fluffy stuff (although phil’s lowkey drunk in one of the prompts, nothing happens other than him ranting about how perfect dan is, but if you dont like that stuff its the 14th. Theres also a few loose mentions of depression and feelings of anxiety but nothing dan and phil dont say themselves. Also swearing bcuz dan. Happy endings thoo, i mean its just oneshots lmao). I hope you like it tho it was v fun to write. All the prompts are from @inlovesuggest (i got their permisson).

(Also the numbers at the begining of some of them like “[10]” are what year it takes place in, if i think its important to include. If thats not there it can take place whenever makes sense but probably 2017/18)

Yeahhh hope you enjoy! @dan-matian (from @butterscotchwithwhitemalteasers)

(I’ll stop overexplaining now) ———- ———- ❝ i have a feeling im gonna love you for a long long time ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was the day after when Phil realised he might be in love.

After the anticipation, after the endless butterflies, after the sunset Skybar dates.

They were lying on Phil’s family sofa together, rewatching episodes of Buffy in comfortable silence. Dan’s head was laying on Phil’s chest as Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, it was curling at the tips now.

Dan started giggling at some cheesy joke, and hid his smile in his hands. His red patch flared up, his dimples grew, eyes crinkled. He did have a pretty laugh.

Phil titled his head and gave Dan a look.

“I’m not laughing! Shut up.” Dan’s face turned red-rose as he pushed it inside Phil’s shirt.

Phil couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.

“You were. But I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You’re kinda cute,”

“Oh.”

Dan’s face got even more rosy, if that was possible.

“And I think I might love you.” ———- ❝ The sound of your voice makes me realize everything is ok, as long as I’m by your side. ❞ ———- [16] ———- Even after years of doing tours and books, Phil still felt nervous on stage.

Thousands of people watching him live, expecting, hoping.

He knew they loved him, but that didn’t console the pit in his stomach whenever he was about to step on.

What did help, however, was Dan.

Dan being there. His slightly posh voice, his half-confident-half-slacking posture. His arm, brushing against Phil’s, as he rushed off to go do something; or just so they could touch for a brief moment.

It was almost time to head on. Phil could hear the audience and the pre-show music Dan set, he could feel the anticipation in the air.

Unlike Dan, Phil was a shy kid. He didn’t do drama, he didn’t preform. This wasn’t him.

Dan’s fingers loosely touched against Phil’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We go on in five.”

Phil smiled nervously.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be fine.”

As long as they’re together. ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every ‘his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ when i say “i love you” it’s not out of habit, it’s to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❞ ———- Compared to other people, maybe Dan and Phil didn’t say 'I love you’ much.

They decided, after a while, they’d rather show it.

So maybe Phil wouldn’t always say 'I love you’ before bed, but he would cook dinner more days a week than Dan.

He would take care of Dan when Dan couldn’t take care of himself. Phil would always cover anything for Dan, because he knew sometimes he needed it, even if he didn’t say.

He would make sure Dan got home safe, even when he only went out for milk. He’d even go out and get milk for Dan, if he was feeling far too overwhelmed to leave home that day.

And yeah, Dan might not always whisper 'I love you’ during early morning breakfasts, but he would take care of Phil when he was feeling poorly.

He would do more editing for the gaming channel, and he cleaned up the house far more. He tried to do most of their paperwork, because it often stressed Phil.

He would put his cereal in the same place every time, even when Phil always stole it.

But sometimes they would say I love you.

Sometimes, they would wake up and breathe it into each other’s ear.

Sometimes, they would make dinner and hum, in a tone, “I lovvveeee youuuuuuuu,” while putting it on the table.

Sometimes, they would sneak up behind each other while they edited, and scream it so loud that the other jumped off the sofa.

Sometimes, Phil would whisper it to Dan when Dan was too depressed to care.

Sometimes, Dan would mutter it to Phil when he was already far past asleep.

But they both always knew. ———- ❝ those knowing looks you give me from across the room are enough to make me want to stay in this place ❞ ———- Dan hated business meetings.

He hated going outside, he hated going into a building full of near-strangers, he hated talking to said strangers, he hated trying to understand complicated business concepts at far-too-early o'clock.

He wanted to leave.

Phil insisted, always, that he could go alone. It would be fine. Dan didn’t need to be there, and he didn’t mind.

Dan never took him up on the offer, he wasn’t that selfish.

So there he was, a Monday afternoon, looking out the window and bored out of his mind. He felt like he was in secondary school again; complicated concepts, boring statistics, and an unfocused mind. What was even so much better as an adult?

Dan felt Phil nudge his knee with a foot.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Right. That’s what was better. He had Phil.

“Yeah, just bored.”

“Me too, but there’s only fourty minutes left. You’ll be fine.”

Not for the first time, Dan admired Phil’s sensibility to always bring a watch to meetings.

They had both agreed that checking your phone looked quite rude, but checking a £3 Hello Kitty watch was a lot more subtle.

“Thanks.”

Phil gave Dan a small smile from across the table, and suddenly, maybe business meetings with Phil weren’t the worst place he could be. ———- ❝ we were dancing like idiots in the parking lot to our favourite bands people were staring but your dumb smile was enough to make me not care. ❞ ———- [10] ———- //“Change, Everything you are And everything you were”//

Dan never thought he would be the one slow-dancing in a parking lot at one in the morning, but apparently love mixed with sleepless nights is a hell of a drug.

//“Your number has been called Fights, battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead”//

'Butterflies and Hurricanes’ played in the background, music surrounding them. It wasn’t a favourite Muse song for either of them, but it was perfect for the night.

Phil wasn’t the best dancer, Dan could admit. But neither was he, really. And it didn’t matter. They were together.

//“Best, You’ve got to be the best You’ve got to change the world”//

People were watching them, judging, or just confused. He was sure.

But when he looked up and saw Phil’s tired smile, and felt a soft kiss press his lips, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And so they danced, a Saturday night, in a parking lot, to a Muse song.

//“And you use this chance to be heard Your time is now”//

And Dan had never felt so content. ———- ❝ maybe i could become a morning person if my mornings started next to you ❞ ———- [11] ———- It was no secret that Phil wasn’t a morning person.

Usually, he needed at least two cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal before you could even think about talking to him.

However, when he woke up with a sleeping Dan next to him, he found it hard to feel annoyed.

Dan was wrapped all around Phil, hand clutching his shirt tightly, their legs intertwined. His mouth was slightly opened, and although he didn’t snore, Phil could hear his soft breath.

He looked so young sometimes.

Dan started to open his eyes, having felt Phil’s body move.

“Mhmm?”

“Dan, I can’t reach my phone.”

Dan’s face scrunched up in distaste, “Don’t need it. 'Have me.”

Dan pulled Phil tightly into a half-hug, pinning him back down under the blankets.

He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck, closing his eyes as his breathing steadied out again.

Maybe Phil didn’t actually mind mornings that much. ———- ❝ your laugh reminds me of all the good in the world ❞ ———- [15] ———- Dan had always loved Phil’s laugh.

From old videos, to Skype, to in person, to on the sofa next to him at three in the afternoon.

They were playing Mario Cart 8, and Dan wasn’t having the best luck. Despite being arguably worse, Phil had won every round so far, or at least gotten ahead of Dan.

Dan had managed to fling himself off the track entirely— for the fifteenth time that day— and Phil was laughing so hard Dan worried he might burst.

Dan’s favourite laugh of Phil’s.

His tounge-through-teeth laugh, where he tried to cover it with his hands but always gave in, ending up with smile lines and blushed cheeks.

Dan couldn’t stop staring. He had caused that.

He knew it was just a game of Mario Cart, that he made Phil laugh an endless amount of times, but occasionally it just hit him.

Not to romanticize, but Dan swore Phil’s laugh sounded like actual angels. It sounded like young children playing while their parents looked on; like every good thing to ever have existed, all at once. It reminded him of what happiness felt like.

“You okay Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realised how long he’d been staring for.

“Yeah. By the way, I like your laugh. Sounds nice.”

“Odd compliment, but thanks.” ———- ❝ wrapped in your arms, I feel so safe and calm. ❞ ———- Today had been a day.

Paperwork got mixed up, a venue had a miscommunication and lost a row of seats, and Phil’s birthday was in less than a week.

It was a lot for Dan at once, and he was so fucking tired.

“Phil! I need your help looking this over.”

Phil was on the phone, ordering dinner.

'Can it wait?’ He mouthed silently.

Dan shook his head violently. He was just about fed up.

Phil rolled his eyes, and muttered 'Be right back, emergency.’ into his phone.

“Alright, what?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Wait— Yes. I do know. It just is a bit blurry, in my head. Since I’m tired. Can you just explain what they said to call them for I’m really tired.”

Phil looked softly at Dan.

“It’s okay to take a break, Dan. It’s late. We can have dinner and go to bed or watch a movie.”

“No, I need this done tonight. You don’t understand. I need it perfect.”

“Not everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yes! Shit, yes. It does—”

Dan was exhausted.

Phil hugged Dan.

Dan eased into Phil’s embrace, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m tired,”

“I know.”

“And so stressed.”

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead.

“I know, let’s lie down.”

Phil grabbed his phone, finished ordering their food, and lay on the sofa with Dan.

Dan nudged into Phil’s arms, closing his eyes.

Phil lightly kissed him, and held him closer.

“You can nap for a bit, if you want. The food is fourty minutes away. I’ll be here.”

Dan sighed contently.

“Thank you.” ———- ❝ my hands are cold, would you mind holding them? ❞ ———- [11] ———- “It’s snowing.”

Dan and Phil were sitting on Phil’s balcony, sipping hot coco.

“It is,”

“It’s cold.” Dan smiled innocently at Phil.

“Yes? Do you need mittens? I think I have a pair—”

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Oh-” Phil went bright pink, “Sure, yeah, okay.”

He reached out and tapped his fingers nervously against Dan’s free hand, before interlocking them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It is really cold, actually.”

Dan laughed, “Yeah, I know! It actually is snowing out, it wasn’t all a ploy.”

Phil smiled warmly.

“I like holding your hand.”

“We are doing this for warmth and survival only, you dork. But, I like holding your hand too.” ———- ❝ Just the two of us, cuddling at late night. Enjoying the silence, and the presence of each other. I fall asleep in your chest, hearing your heartbeats ❞ ———- It was 2am, they’re watching a Studio Ghibli movie.

Or at least, they were, until the credits rolled and they were too lazy to pick another one.

So now, they were lying on the sofa, listening to the silence and the others heartbeat.

Dan’s head was on Phil’s chest, a grin as he heard Phil’s soft breathing.

Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s curls, twirling each one.

Dan’s eyelids slowly difted closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Danny.” Phil whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dan smiled within his sleep. ———- ❝ i never want to know what life is like without you again ❞ ———- [17] ———- In more ways than one, Dan and Phil ran on parallel tracks.

Their thoughts, but their actions too. Their daily lives so delicately intertwined.

They would wake up together, one kissing the other or just the sound of an aggressively loud alarm.

They would get dressed, take showers, brush their teeth, fix their hair, in turns. Perfectly in sync. A well oiled machine.

One of them would make breakfast, or they both would. Coffee, tea, cereal. A petty argument about stolen cereal, sometimes, then a slice of toast.

They would watch TV, or an anime, but today they watched Undercover Cops. Phil wanted to spice it up a bit.

After that, they’d sit in the lounge, doing nothing, editing, or any mix of the two.

Eventually, one of them would get hungry, and they would order or cook. Today it was order, burritos from a local mexican place and salads.

After they ate, Dan would take off somewhere else to do something else. Piano, games, or random things around the house. Phil might join him, but not always. This was as much space as they needed.

After that, Dan would return in exercise clothes with yoga mats. Phil would go off to change, and would return. Either yoga or some standard workout, nothing too much, but enough to make Dan okay. Phil never minded it.

After that, they would return to the lounge and relax for a while. Maybe catch up on a show. Other times, they might film a gaming video, or even a main channel video if one was prepared.

Then one would be hungry again, and they would make dinner. Sometimes they ordered, but less and less, since Dan’s therapist recommended healthy home-cooked meals. They decided on Indian food, Tandoori Chicken and Rice, with a Stir-Fry.

After dinner, Dan would go play games, and Phil might too. Or maybe watch a show Dan didn’t care for. Maybe clean up a bit more. Always something, though. Unless it was a nothing day.

Sometime at night, they would get tired. They’d head off to bed, maybe Dan would want to shower again. They would just lay with each other, until the comfort of the other persons presence lulled them both to sleep.

They worked well together, and had done for years. It was hard to remember a time before they were each others lives.

Rarely ever alone. ———- ❝ a concept: holding hands while walking along the beach as the sun sets next to us and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and mmmaybe kiss ❞ ———- [10] ———- After four hours, Dan and Phil had finally managed to escape from the rest of the group.

Now they were walking down the sandy beach, awkwardly watching the sunset, side by side.

Neither one really knew what they were doing, neither really cared.

The sky had just reached that violet-red-orange ice-creamed mix when Phil intertwined his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan looked up at him, pink cheeks.

They glanced at each other for a second longer, then continued walking.

“You do realise we’re literally doing that romantic-walk-on-the-beach cliché thing?”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

“It is,”

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes a moment, then softly pressed their lips together. ———- ❝ i love the way you sound at 3am and how you look when you smile. it’s addicting ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was three in the morning, and Phil had decided that Dan was pretty.

And not the flowy-hair-model pretty, but the timeless one. The one where your features are just— perfect.

Phil couldn’t even think of a proper describing word; although that may be the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

He looked at Dan’s fuzzy image through his laptop, admiring. Dan had been attempting to play piano, but gave up and was just lying on his bed now.

“You’re pretty.” Phil whispered.

Dan blushed. How adorable.

“Thanks?”

“Really. Timelessly beautiful. And sexy, and handsome and hot and gorgeous and every other good word. You’re— Dan. That’s perfect. Dan is a good word.”

Dan grinned wide at Phil’s drunken rambles.

“I–”

“And your voice, it’s just nice. Calming. You think it’s too posh or whatever but it’s not. It’s great Dan. It’s Dan! That’s a good thing. I love it. One day I wanna fall asleep to it and wake up to it and—”

Phil teared up at this. He wanted to be with Dan forever, and he knew it.

“Dan, I,”

Dan was looking a bit confused now.

“Yeah, Phil? Are you okay?”

“You’re pretty, Dan. That’s all. But that’s not all at all.” ———- ❝ being old doesn’t seem too awful when i think about growing old with you ❞ ———- [18] ———- Phil sighed, rolling over in bed.

“I’m thirty-one now.”

Dan smiled, “Yeah?”

“That’s pretty old.”

“Not that old, honestly.” Dan laughed quietly, “You’re barely over your twenties.”

“People my age have families,” Phil stares at the ceiling, unblinking. “They’re married with a house.”

“Kids don’t make you old, Phil. People have kids at sixteen, my mum had me at ninteen for God’s sake. And anyone can buy a house, anyone can get married.”

Phil leaned on his side to look at Dan. “You know what I mean—I could. I haven’t done that much, I’m getting old. I could die tommorow.”

Dan’s turn to sigh.

“You could’ve died yesterday, Philly.” He smiles fondly, “And you have done so, so, much. Really. You’ve gone to University, had three homes, have four million fans, gone on tour—there’s more to life than just domestic stuff. And if you want domestic stuff, we can do that too. Forever home, dog, eventually marriage and kids.”

“I know,”

“What’s the issue?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna die. I don’t want to be old, really. I don’t know.”

Dan glanced at him.

“You’re gonna be old. We’ll be old together. Like the great poet Ed Sheeran once said, 'I’ll be loving you 'till we’re seventy,’”

Phil giggles, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll be fun with you. You make things fun.”

“Yup. I’ll always love you, even when you have grey hair that you still dye black, and wrinkles, and smell like bad cologne.”

“Always.” ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every 'his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ How dare you make me smile so hard that my face hurts when you’re so far away? ❞ ———- “Well this feels like déjà vu.”

Dan was sitting on their bed, laptop opened to Skype, smiling at Phil.

Phil was at his parent’s house, sitting on a guest bed, smiling back.

“You’re right. I have too many memories of nights like these.” Phil laughs half-heartedly.

“I probably would’ve just come with you, if I didn’t have a video to film.”

“I know. And remember to send me the file when you’re done so I can watch over it.”

“Yes, Dad.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

“It’s your regret, Daniel.”

Dan sighed, “I miss you.”

Phil smiled back, sadly, “I miss you too. But it’s only a few days, don’t worry. Just edit.”

“I remember a lot of nights back then, saying how one day we would never have to Skype again, yet here we are.”

“Stop being melodramatic Dan, it’s only a weekend for my mum’s birthday. We’ll live.”

“Will we? Because I swear I’m dddddyyyinnngggg!” Dan flopped down on the bed, pretending to faint, and they both fall into a fit of giggles.

“Noooo Danny! Don’t go into the light!”

“It’s too late… I can—see God… she’s coming for me…”

“Dannnnnnn! Nooo!” Phil put his hand over his heart and sobbed dramatically.

“God is Ribena Phil, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

They both burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears streaming down Dan’s face, struggling to catch their breath.

“Oh my god, Dan!”

“Oh my—Oh my Ribena, you mean!—”

They both gasped for air, Dan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Of course, how dare I!?”

Once the laughter had settled down and they were both softly smiling again, Dan sighed.

“I still wish you weren’t so far. I want to be with you.”

Phil smirked, “Don’t you mean 'I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone’?”

“Shut up! Why do you even remember that?” Dan blushed and hid his face in a pillow.

Old feelings, old love. ———- ❝ in your kiss, I felt at peace ❞ ———- [09] ———- Butterflies.

Dan looks at Phil, Phil looks at Dan.

Dan tilts his head to the side.

His head is beating fast, but his heart is beating faster.

Phil is beautiful.

Now or never.

Butterflies.

Two lips, just two lips.

Soft. Phil’s lips are very soft. And sweet like honey.

Butterflies and honey.

A winning combination for your butterflies to get all sticky and trapped, and for you to feel brave.

Honey is sweet, like Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips are better than honey.

This isn’t Dan’s first kiss, but it might as well be. This feels more important.

Honey.

Butterflies.

Honey is sweet.

Phil’s lips are sweeter.

“Thank you.” ———-

#submission

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my-words-are-light · 6 years

Text

Sunkissed (Dame Daffodil)

Another year’s come and gone more quickly than the last. To that end, I’m still grateful for having found Dame Daffodil by @sakura-rose12. It’s an absolutely charming webcomic with its incredibly lovable and charismatic characters. So I decided I wanted to write about Charo and Alesea, the lovely girlfriends of the story.

Not a cloud was in the sky that morning, which was always a bad sign; a cloudless sky meant the day was going to be invasively hot. With clouds dotting the air, a sunny day was great. Without clouds, the heat of the sun quickly became overbearing.

One could easily avoid hot days by staying indoors. Too bad that wasn’t an option for Alesea; to her displeasure, today was a school day. Worse, she had to walk there. The school wasn’t too far away but even a second of being in this heat was too much. Plus, Alesea and her mother already planned this morning on the assumption that she’d be walking and it was too late to make changes.

But Alesea would still say it wasn’t all that bad. Why? Well, the one reason for that was strolling merrily along beside her.

“Hey, have you heard WarriA’s new album yet?” asked Charo.

“There’s a new one out?” Alesea asked back, surprised.

“Yeah, it’s called, like ‘Saver Star’—no, wait, ‘Saber Star’. My favourite song’s ‘Star Might, Star Right’.” Charo gave Alesea her signature sunny smile. “Can’t wait to show it to you.”

Alesea couldn’t help but smile back. “Just ten hours of school until then.”

“Ugh...”

And this was how all her school mornings were like ever since… how long ago did they first meet? Alesea couldn’t remember; it was like Charo had been with her their whole lives. She knew they first met when she was crying and Charo gave her ice cream and offered to beat up her bullies (age and the wisdom that came with it tempered her more towards negotiation, thankfully) but, try as she might, Alesea couldn’t remember what her life was like before Charo came into the picture. Well, it couldn’t have been better than what came after.

Alesea grunted as she wiped her forehead with her arm. She was displeased at how much sweat she collected from that alone; her arm felt like a damp towel. Even when Charo was walking on the sunny road side of the path while Alesea was in the shade, it was unbearably hot.

… Hold on.

Alesea looked at Charo. She was strolling like normal, like she didn’t even notice the heat, but Alesea could see the beads of sweat resting on her forehead… Oh wow, they were rolling down quickly too. Charo wasn’t even bothering to wipe the sweat off.

“Hey, um… isn’t it a bit hot?” Alesea asked.

“Yeah, definitely. Stay out of the sun if you can.”

But what about you? Alesea asked in her head.

I’ll be okay, she could imagine Charo answering, smiling with her usual brilliance and warmth.

Yeah, Charo was easy to predict. For Alesea, anyway. There was a lot to Charo people didn’t see. They saw that she was a heroic little girl who put everyone and everything else ahead of her and they were right. What they didn’t see was how much she understood that, how much she understood herself. Maybe not in any way she could express in words but Charo’s WIS was always higher than her INT.

Alesea thought. There had to be a way to spare Charo from the sun… Yes, she was bright like a daffodil, but all things in moderation.

Wait, there’s an idea!

Alesea looked up at the canopies that provided her with shade. They were thick and clustered; light only came down in small spots to speckle the pavement. “Hey Charo, I think I see a balloon in the tree.”

“Really?” Charo looked towards where Alesea’s gaze was aimed (and leaned her head in to catch at least a part of the shade, Alesea noticed). “I don’t see it.”

Oh, um… Ah. “Just stand here. It’s a weird angle.”

Charo, ever trusting of her girlfriend, moved to where Alesea specified and continued her search. “… I don’t see anything.”

“Really? It must’ve floated away,” answered Alesea, now standing where Charo was before.

Charo looked at Alesea, noticing that she was indeed standing where she was before.

She then looked at the tree, providing the shade that Alesea was enjoying before.

Then it ticked. “Hey, wait a second!”

Alesea giggled, and only then did she realise that the boiling air could in fact be tasted.

“No no no!” Charo protested, though she did not push her way back to the road side. “In the name of chivalry, the lovely lady must be protected from the road!”

Alesea, still grinning, took a short breath. “Well, um, that’s why you should be the one in the shade.”

She didn’t get perfect points because of that small stutter but what really mattered was the way Charo’s eyes first widened then sparkled at Alesea.

“You. Are. Awesome,” she said.

Alesea blushed. Or maybe it was the heat. No, actually, it was both. She wiped her forehead again.

Now it was time for everyone’s favourite subject at school: lunch. For a solid hour, students could eat, play, and be merry, and it was precisely all these things that Charo wanted to do. Too bad it was too hot. She and Alesea had to make do with sitting on a wooden bench in the shade.

Charo’s gaze trailed over the schoolyard in front of her and the many students therein. Most of them had the same idea as the girls. Others were not as sensible; even now, they were still playing football or basketball or whatever out in the open. It was all fascinating to watch. “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with… B.”

“Basketball?” guessed Alesea.

“Nope.”

Hm. Thought that was obvious. “Um… brick?”

“Yep. Point three for you.”

Her turn now. “Okay, I spy with my little eye...” What should she go with? She wanted to test Charo. She was smart in her own way; Alesea wanted to see how quickly she could find something obscure. But what…? There was a caterpillar on a flower across the yard but Charo would guess that immediately if she went with C.

“Something beginning with...” Wait, maybe that would work as a distraction! She just needed something else starting with C. Can, carton (so much litter…), chair, Charo, ceiling…

“Thought of something yet?” asked Charo.

“Something beginning with ceiling!” Alesea blurted out, in the same way one would give a kick if they were tapped on the knee.

Charo blinked. “Don’t you mean ‘beginning with C’?”

Alesea’s eyes widened as she realised her mistake. “Oh noooooooooooooo...” The ‘no’ became muffled as Alesea covered her face with her hands.

“Hey, hey.” Charo stifled a giggle as she patted Alesea’s shoulder. “Just pick something else. Or even another let—”

A BANG! interrupted them from the roof above their heads, followed by another Bang! and then some smaller bangs. Of course they looked up. Not that they could see anything because whatever made the noise was on the other side of the ceiling but instincts tend to be irrational.

From the corner of her eye, Alesea saw three boys head towards them. They looked nervous but also bothered and annoyed, like they didn’t want to do this to begin with. Didn’t stop them from getting under the shade but she wouldn’t blame anyone for that.

“Uh, hey Charo,” said the boy in front, the tallest of the bunch but also the skinniest. “Can you get our ball down, please?”

“Your ball fell on the roof?” asked Charo.

“Yeah.”

Alesea almost frowned, but didn’t because she didn’t like frowning at people and she didn’t want people upset at her. “Can’t you just get another ball?”

“Nah, I brought this from home. Dad’ll lose it if I don’t bring it back.”

“Hey.” Charo put a hand on Alesea’s shoulder and gave her a smile. “It’ll be fine. I like doing this.” She then stood and walked out of the shade and was immediately sweating enough to reflect light like a diamond. “So it’s up here, right?”

“Yeah, I think it’s near the edge,” answered the tall boy. “You could probably just look over the edge and get it.”

Charo hummed as she looked at the roof. She then looked at its rectangular supports at either side of her. They were perfectly vertical, smooth as a plank, and close to three metres tall. She wiped her forehead, followed by wiping the back of her hand hand on her school skirt.

She stepped back and then dashed forward before jumping at the support and wrapping her arms and legs around it. “Gnnngh...” She wiggled and crawled her way up the beam but, try as she might, she couldn’t get to the roof and she slid down with the greatest of reluctance. “It’s too smooth. If it was bumpy, I could get a decent grip.” Or if she could stop sweating.

“Ah, sucks.” The tall boy sighed. “I’ll just ask a teacher to get a ladder.”

“No no no, it’s okay,” Charo assured. “I’ll find a way up.”

“You sure? This’d be a lot easier—”

“Yeah, it’ll be okay. It’s going to be okay.” Charo smiled at him. “Just leave it to me. I’ll save the day.”

From the shade, Alesea watched as Charo wiped her forehead again before she once more looked to the edge of the roof. No task was too tough or too daunting for her; there was nothing she wasn’t willing to challenge for the sake of making someone else happy.

It was wrong to just sit. Alesea stood up and stepped out of the shade and held her hands out front with her fingers interlocked. She then bent down so she was at Charo’s height. “Charo, here.”

“Huh?”

She was already hot but she was holding rigid. “I’ll give you a boost.”

Alesea wasn’t sure how to describe the way Charo’s mouth briefly flattened out but then became a small smile, or the way her eyes accordingly shrank and then relaxed like the gentle glow of a fire. It was… a look of recognition. Sadness. Happiness. Love? Some combination of those.

“Alright, just hold it right there. We’ll do this quick.” Charo stepped back and Alesea braced herself. Charo dashed forward and then jumped right onto Alesea’s hands, which Alesea immediately lifted as she felt Charo’s weight on them. Charo wasn’t as light as her short height would suggest but her momentum and Alesea leaning back helped with getting Charo high enough to get a grip on the edge of the roof with both hands

“YeOW!” Immediately after touching the roof, Charo drew back one of her hands, holding on with just the other. “Nnnnnnngh…!”

“Charo!” Alesea cried out. The tin roof must’ve been extremely hot. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah… just… leave it to me…!” Charo swung her hand up again to grip the roof once more. Gritting her teeth, she then swung her leg over to the other side and planted her foot on the vertical support. Now that she was finally braced and stable (relatively, anyway), she reached over and felt about… and then she stopped. “Found it!” she called before slapping the ball off the roof and then dropping down.

Alesea made sure to catch her. Well, in a manner of speaking. She didn’t stand directly underneath Charo; she just stood to the side and held her as she landed. “Are you okay?”

The tall boy, rather bewildered, didn’t notice the ball at first and it was only on its second bounce that it occurred to him to catch it. “Uh, y-yeah, thanks, Charo.” The two other boys behind him were looking elsewhere.

Charo bit her lip as she looked at her hands, both of which were extremely red. “I think I’ll be fine… It really stings, though...” She then looked towards the boy and gave him a small grin. “I won’t tell your dad if you don’t.”

“Eh, sure, thanks...” The boys looked amongst themselves for a second, like they were looking for a word from each other, before walking briskly away.

Alesea sighed. She was hoping for at least something substantial from them, some actual expression of gratitude. But whatever; she focused back on Charo. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, totally.” She clenched and unclenched her hands a few times, although she wasn’t doing it as fast as she could if she wasn’t burned. That, and she grimaced each time. “Okay, it hurts. But it was worth it.”

Alesea felt the corner of her mouth turn up. “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with H.”

“H?” Charo parroted.

“Hero.”

For as long as they knew each other, Alesea loved every single time she saw Charo’s eyes shine. “Lady, if you get any smoother, I’ll fall for you all over again.”

“Just don’t do it from the roof.”

The thought occurred I could’ve written about something angsty with Charo and Alesea. Lord knows I’ve had friends who meant the world to me and gave me feelings I never knew I could have, only for them to... disappear. And for me to never know why. And to tear myself apart for it.

But I decided Charo and Alesea have no need for angst in their relationship. Alesea loves Charo for her selfless heroism and boundless optimism. Charo loves Alesea for her graceful respect and gratitude, who reminds her why all the little things she does make her the wonderful person she is. These two, I decided, are a wholesome couple who are troubled by outside forces and face them together.

So here it is. My wholesome, true companion-esque fluff of Charo and Alesea. I hope you like it, Hayley. And merry Christmas!

#dame daffodil #personal writing #fanfiction #short story #i ship it

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scribblesandimaginings · 7 years

Text

Fighter, Lover - Yondu x Reader

so here’s maybe an idea if you want: like reader gets to be a part of the guardians of the galaxy somehow idk how and then yondu comes along for a mission and sees her fighting and is like damn who is that and they end up fighting together during the fight and they’re awesome and idk what happens after that it’s up to you but yea - Anon

Set sometime after GOTG Vol2 - Yondu lives AU

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“Quill come on, let’s go” you called, walking along the length of the Milano from your room to the cockpit, “we’ve been stalling this for 3 days now”

“Yeah, 3 days waiting for Yondu, and now he’s here, so we can go”

You rolled your eyes. You had no idea why Peter had been so insistent about getting his old captain to join you for this mission. As far as you could see, there was nothing that you couldn't handle, and nothing extra the Ravager could bring to the table – that being said, Peter hadn’t hold you much about the guy, actually Peter hadn’t hold you anything at all! It was Rocket who’d told you that Yondu Udonta was the captain of the Ravager ship Peter used to live on.

“Well, someone’s in a hurry” the voice that greeted you was a low, southern drawl. As you stepped forward you saw who it belonged to; this, presumably, was Yondu.

You eyed him suspiciously, having dealt with Ravagers in the past. This one was a Centaurian by the looks of things, a little older, rough round the edges. But Peter seemed to trust him, more or less.

“We either do this today or we lose half the reward.” You said, directing it at Peter who was lounging back in his chair.

“Straight t’ business – I like this one, boy” Yondu chuckled, looking you up and down appreciatively, he held out a hand for you to shake, “Yondu Udonta. So who is this fine young thing and why ain’t I seen ‘em before?”

You laughed at his flattery, and shook his hand. Maybe he wasn’t so bad, “Y/N. Only got dragged into this a few weeks back”

“I wouldn’t say dragged…” Peter said.

“No? Really? Because I would – I was literally dragged onto his ship”

“You were unconscious”

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

Yondu laughed, smirking at you, “Glad t’see there’s someone to put ‘im in his place”

You smiled, “I do my best” you had a look around, quickly checking everyone was ready, or nearly there, “right, we going then?”

“Yes Mom” he moaned.

You rolled your eyes, taking a seat, “He always been like this?” you asked Yondu.

He laughed, “You ain’t got no idea”

It would take long for you to arrive at your destination – a small space port, recently invaded by a group of ex-military thugs. The owner of the port couldn’t careless, but near the core of the place, was a few crates of very expensive (very illegal) imports, that he wanted back. The job description was simple – get the crates, kill whoever you need to to do it. No problem.

You had zoned out, staring out into space as the Milano kept its course. Yondu was curious. You seemed more level headed than the rest of the Guardians. Initially he’d presumed you were ages with Peter, but looking more closely it was obvious you were certainly older than the majority of them, definitely more mature too. Your species were generally smaller in stature - you were too, but not much more so than the others on the ship, it wasn’t terribly noticeable. As far as he was aware, your species were peaceful too, preferring to keep to themselves. He reckoned you were more of a negotiator than a fighter, you just couldn’t be a warrior. He found himself wondering how you’d managed to get mixed up with this lot.

When you reached the port there was no sign of life, except the light from inside the bar – where the hatch down into the core was, and the crates. Everyone quickly did a weapons check, grabbing extra ammo and whatever else they thought would be helpful, then headed out.

Peter went first with Gamora, followed by you, then Yondu (who stayed oddly close to you), then Drax, Rocket and Groot. Peter threw the doors open, then flanked them inside with Gamora, letting you step in between then, Yondu just behind you, Drax just behind him, with Rocket and Groot making their way to the front. Peter fired his blaster in the air, getting everyone’s attention.

Once all eyes had turn to yous, you stepped up, and yelled, “Listen up!” Yondu jumped, his eyes widening in surprise at the volume of your voice, “You have two options! One – get out of our way and let us get what we came for, or two – die! You’ve got 5 seconds to make up your mind!”

The crowd in the bar were surprised by the intrusion, but it was plainly obvious that they were choosing to fight. Yondu, however, was still staring at you in shock. How the Hell did such a level headed, sensible sweet thing like you, manage to scream your lungs out threatening a small army of thugs? He was impressed.

You drew your weapons, watching as your opponents did the same. “3” you called, “2…1!”

As a whole you jumped forward, Peter and Rocket shooting, Drax and Gamora swing their respective knives and sword, Groot doing his thing too, despite currently being pint size. You caught sight of Yondu’s arrow activating as he whistled, impressed by the technology.

Your fighting style was just a little different. With sharp, spiked, metal knuckledusters slipped onto your hands, you set to work. The metal inlay of your boots also coming in handy as you swung a kick or two. Yondu kept watching you out the corner of his eye – what in the Universe…? He was amazed how easily you took down the men in front of you, the strength of your punches and kicks, your agility at ducking out the way of danger. You were incredible.

Yondu had brought a twin set of guns with him as back up, and seeing the numbers that you were facing, he decided they better get put to use. You’d all managed to make your way in amongst the crowd, taking sections at a time to deal with. Yondu made his way towards the centre of the room, still whistling as he shot and moved. His instincts told him to look out for you, being smaller and leaner than the rest (though you mostly didn’t need it). It was sheer luck that Yondu happened to be watching you when one of the thugs grabbed your ankle as you kicked, making you crash to the floor.

In a split second the yaka arrow had entered and exited his head, and the body fell to the floor. Yondu had easily managed to shoot himself a path through to you, standing over you and defending as you slowly got back to your feet. You’d hit the ground hard, bashing your head off the metal floor had dazed you a bit. You shook yourself, taking a deep breath and exhaling as you pushed yourself back to your feet, ready to go on. “Ya alright?”

You laughed, adrenalin buzzed from fighting, “All the better for seeing you”

He smirked, “Just the way I like it”

You were standing back to back, shots and punches flying as the arrow zipped through the remaining thugs. You were all making fair progress, the largest ground had surrounded Yondu and you. But as the others finished off the ones they were dealing with, they came and started picking of the crowd you two had gathered. You and Yondu were working together with ease – shots came flying in your direction every now and again, and whoever saw it shouted instructions to the other so they could avoid it, you stuck close to each other, not allowing anyone to get at your backs. You were tactical, telling the other what you were planning without giving your game away. You worked well with one another.

Soon the fight was over. With a swift heel to his sternum, you knocked the last thug to the floor, Yondu spinning round to put a bullet in him.

You looked around. You’d won. You laughed, grinning wide, “Hell yeah” You leant over, leaning on your knees and catching your breath.

Yondy chuckled, “Damn Darlin’, I’m impressed.” with a whistle his arrow returned to it’s holder.

“Thanks” you straightened up again, grinning at him.

He nodded approvingly as he looked at you, “I’d say we make a pretty fine team, Y/N”

“I’d have to agree”

“Hey whatcha say to comin’ out w’ me sometime? Get me know me better” he wiggled his eyebrows at you, and you couldn’t help but smile wide as he sauntered close to you.

“I think that sounds like a great idea”

Peter was staring on in horror, jaw dropped. No way, no way, was Yondu flirting with Y/N… and she didn’t mind?! No way had she just agreed to go on a date with him.

Without looking round, you snapped, “Shut your mouth Quill” He did it so quickly he nearly bit his tongue.

Groot had climbed up onto Drax’ shoulder, looking down at Rocket he said, “I am Groot”

“Dude” Rocket exclaimed, staring up at him in disgust, “that’s gross, why would you even say that?!”

“Peter?” Drax asked, “If Y/N enters into a sexual relationship with Yondu would that make her your new Mother seeing as Yondu has become your new Father?”

Gamora choked at the look of horror on Peter’s face, “Why? Why? Why the Hell would you even say that to me? Oh my God! That’s disgusting, you’re disgusting!”

“Whatcha think?” Yondu asked you, the cheekiest of grins on his face ,“Reckon I could make y’a Momma?”

You bit your bottom lip, smiling, “I’d like to see you try”

From behind you all you heard was Peter going to walking out, declaring, “I’m gonna be sick”

But Yondu was still grinning at you, “Say, these lot can go get our reward, and we can have a little moment t’ ourselves?”

“At least let me clean the blood of first” you laughed.

Peter nearly screamed, “I am actually going to vomit!” Slamming the door behind him.

You had to say, you were looking forward to this.

#request #yondu udonta #yondu udonta x reader #reader x yondu udonta #yondu #guardians of the galaxy #gotg #yondu fic #yondu udonta fic #anon #guardians of the galaxy fic #guardians of the galaxy vol 2 #gotg vol2

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the-little-red-noodle · 5 years

Text

7/24/19 12:09am

“Wish i could get a little undrunk so i could uncall you at 5 in the morning, i would unfuck you..”

i guess its that time of the night where we process some shit before my sleeping pill makes me too high to type.

mark and i hooked up. it actually happened?.. i’m feeling a lot of things but also pretty reserved, as far as things go with me. i’m not leaping into the romancey shit like I usually do. i’m actually pretty unhappy about it, actually.

i’ve been thinking about this moment for so long.. how it would feel to finally be with him and kiss him and say the things i’ve been feeling, and oh god, to hear it back? i should be happy.. im not happy.

there’s so much on the line here.. it’s not just some friend either.. our friendship was, and is, really important to me. i weighted it above other things, and now i feel like i just threw it all away for selfish reasons. i wanted to feel loved and i wanted to be touched and i wanted to touch him and i wanted to have the satisfaction of knowing he felt the same.. i wanted the euphoria of the calm before the sex where everything’s out on the table and we feel the same way and we’re holding our breath seeing who will make the first move and i just..

i think i regret it a little bit..

i think i’ve been selfish about it, cuz its what i wanted and what i have wanted for honestly a really long time but kept to myself cuz there was no way in the world that he would go for someone like me and there’s no way that someone as plain as me could captivate someone like him beyond just sex.. but we didn’t even have sex?..

lemme explain.

last night i went out to a drag show with friends, and it was so wonderful and fun and raunchy and just what i needed. it was a confidence boost (even if i struck out with a girl at the bar, i still tried!) and i got back to the frat house at 1am, drunk and confident and ready to push my limits with him.

we hung out for hours in the spare room, me being way too flirty and touchy with him and him being respectful but present.. we talked until i sobered up and we were laying in bed and the lights are off and he names the people he would have sex with in the frat and im not on the list and i feel uneasy and he talks about having a thing for people in the frat and i ask if he ever had a thing for me and he says yes, a while ago. the beginning of rush, over a year and a half ago. and he asks me if i ever had a thing for him and my face feels so hot and i shut my eyes

“you want my honest answer?”

“..yeah”

“.. i kinda still do.”

and he was quiet for so long and i felt so shitty about it and felt like i made things super weird and i said sorry and he was like no yer fine, which made me feel kinda worse.. i changed the subject and we talked about something else for a bit and then he got quiet again so i asked what was on his mind

“just what you said”

“i’m sorry..”

“don’t be. i’m glad you said something. I’ve been kinda feeling the same way for a while and didn’t know what to do about it.”

i say something to the effect of i was trying to bury it because i didn’t want to fuck up the friendship, and he says he felt the same. and we lay there motionless for a while, staring at the ceiling. everything’s out in the open. cards on the table. breathing.

i move my head to his shoulder, and he wraps an arm around me and my hands are on his chest and our legs are tied up and we just hold each other. silence. breathing. squeezing.

i say “is this stupid? is this dangerous territory?” he says he doesn’t know.

he asks how long I’ve felt this way, and i say for months probably. it was part of the reason i wanted to end my relationship with spencer, because i was having feelings for someone else.. we lay there. silence. breathing.

he pulls me in closer and holds me so tightly. he says he feels really happy.

we stay there until he falls asleep and i slip out of his arms cuz i cant sleep tangled up. it takes me a while but i eventually fall asleep. we wake up around 7:30. i go to the bathroom and wash last nights makeup off my face. i come back and we hang out. we talk, we laugh, we cuddle..

at some point i was getting frustrated that he wouldn’t just bite the bullet and kiss me. i dont have much balls, but i can communicate enough. and i start getting punchy and he’s laughing at me like what do you want? and im pouting and not saying anything and then eventually he tells me to roll on my side to face him and he looks at me and he moves my hair like in the movies and he moves in and half grazes my lips with his and moves back quickly and says is that what you meant? and i laugh and exclaim yes! finally!

(and now the good part)

i pull him back and then it just happens. all that i had envisioned that the moment would be like doesnt matter anymore because its just me and him and we’re kissing and he’s moving almost on top of me and after a bit he pulls off me and lays down and says how was that? and i dont even answer as i start kissing him again and get on top of him and we’re moving and he’s grabbing my ass (mark grabbed my ass?? who are we??) and he’s moaning like i’ve never experienced a guy doing and at some point i say that ya know.. we could like.. actually do it?.. and he says “im not sure” and that he’s a little overwhelmed and hasn’t wrapped his head around the fact that any of this is even happening. and i feel kinda rejected and i get off him, not in a make a scene way, but in a like we should take a breather way. and we lay there and i’m so hot and bothered and he starts apologizing being like

“was that too much? did i embarrass myself?”

"no no you’re fine, im just a little frustrated”

“did i do something wrong? I’m sorry”

“no.. i just.. want.. you..”

and then he’s on top of me and he’s kissing me and kissing my neck and he kisses down.. then kinda rests his head on my thigh? and then we just had a totally normal unrelated conversation while he was resting between my legs? in the most nonchalant way and it was wholesome and funny and fuck man..

we moved into his room, cuz ac, and we were laying in his bed talking and sharing memes and i ask what he’s thinking about

“sex. you?”

“sex.”

and i look him in the eye and kind of smile, and i think he avoids it and says he’s going to the bathroom, and i’m thinking when he gets back, that’s when it can happen.

it felt kinda perfect in a way. like yeah, i wanted to sleep with him, like badly, but i think it’s better to ease in and not go too fast that we can’t backtrack if necessary.. but i didn’t want to backtrack..

in the moment, when its just me and him, i have all the confidence and sensibility to make decisions and do things i’m comfortable with, but then other people talk to me in the house and pull me out of his room and then it becomes a group hangout instead of just us 2. and its fine, cuz we are great friends and we just joined conversation and it peters out.. and then im packing to leave and he gets in the shower and i text him that ill probably head out and he texts me drive safe love ya bud!! and i kinda felt horrible?.. i feel like i’m panicking and hurting.. and i wait for him and he gets out of the shower and we sit together and i just wanted one more slight cuddle before heading out cuz reassurance i guess.. so fucking stupid..

he just goes right back to our usual cadence of banter and memes and physical distance and i’m in a weird fragile place feeling like i need him

i do not need him

and i get enough physical reassurance to put on my big girl face to drive home and go about my day pretending that i’m not deeply upset at the thought that i just lost my best friend cuz i caught feelings..

i know i’m a pretty dramatic person, i did do theatre for years for a reason. homegirl likes attention. and i dont take rejection super well (hence no longer doing theatre lol). and it felt.. weird. 99% of the weird was definitely coming from me. cuz he just started acting like my friend again, and thats fine, but now i want him even more..

had we just fucked and gotten it over with, i could settle down. but we just dry humped and he kissed me over my clothes.. which was lovely, but i’m also a big girl and i want to have sex.. and now i feel like im gunna fixate on it until it can happen..

i think i was underselling him, sexually, to myself cuz i didn’t want to get my hopes up.. he’s not my physical type at all, and he’s like a weird guy and like my best friend, but it ended up being pretty good.. we could find our groove probably, if he wanted to..

i don’t even know where we stand now. i don’t know what he wants, really. he says he’s cool with whatever as long as we stay friends, and i agree. the friendship is the most important thing here. and i don’t want things to be weird, but i cant back out now just for preservation cuz i want to be with him and i love him.. a lot

still processing. glad i got it all on paper, but now its 1am and i gotta cool off cuz im hot n bothered and ugh.. i just wish we could really talk about it..

i texted him that i missed him at like 11:20. he hasn’t responded.

update at 1pm the next day he said “miss you too friend”

dude.. fuck this.

“on some nights like this I cant help but think of us.. i’ve been reminiscing, sipping, missing you. can you tell me whats with all this distant love? on some nights like this I just wanna text you, but for what? you’ll say you want me then go switch it up.. just gonna play with my emotions just because...”

#samiswriting

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rythyme · 7 years

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9. Cuddling // Nurseydex

« {Part 9 of my Valentine’s collection.} »

a/n: gratuitous cuddling and dumb boys being dumb. established relationship, but they haven’t told the team yet. enjoy!

“Okay,” Holster said, holding up the two DVD cases in either hand. “The official Samwell Men’s Hockey movie night vote has come down to Mighty Ducks, 1992, or MVP: Most Valuable Primate, 2000. As your captains, Ransom and I will be abstaining from the poll, so…. Gentlemen—and Lardo—your votes, please?”

“Mighty Ducks,” Lardo said immediately.

“Agreed,” said Dex.

“No, no, no. MVP!” said Chowder. “It’s a monkey who plays hockey! C’mon guys!”

“Ditto,” said Nursey, taking a spot between Chowder and Dex on the couch.

“But the monkey’s name is Jack,” Bitty said insistently. “Are y’all seriously going to make me watch that?”

“Hold on, its name is Jack?” Lardo asked. “I’m changing my vote. Count me down for the monkey one.”

Bitty sighed. “Et tu, Lardo?”

Lardo shrugged.

“Okay,” Ransom said. “That’s two for Mighty Ducks, and three for MVP. Whiskey? Tango?”

“…Mighty Ducks…”

“Um, I guess I’m the tie breaker then?” Tango said. “Um, I guess I’ll vote for MVP?”

“Alright, we have a winner!” Holster hollered. “Get ready for the most talented non-human hockey player ever, because we’re about to watch MVP!”

“…Yay,” said Dex.

Nursey didn’t really care about which movie they watched, but voting against Dex was always fun. He looked a little sullen now, his hands crossed over his chest as he slouched back against the couch. It was cute. It made Nursey want to kiss him.

There was no real reason why he shouldn’t kiss him. They’d been dating for two months, and they’d talked about coming out to the team. Neither of them had any particular reservations about it, but they just hadn’t… done it. Not yet. It was hard to find the right time, what with their rigorous practice schedule and midterms coming up. Maybe tomorrow, they kept saying. Maybe next week.

He could’ve just kiss Dex and gotten it over with, but he didn’t. He didn’t especially feel like trying to explain anything at the moment.

Instead, Nursey just draped his arm casually over the back of the couch behind Dex’s head and settled in to watch the beginning of the movie.

After about ten minutes, it was clear that Dex had no intention of actually paying attention to the movie. He started out by criticizing the movie’s plot—“There’s no way they would hand over custody of an animal like that. That’s not what happens when a lab loses funding.”—but the others shushed him enough that he eventually kept quiet. After another few minutes or so, Dex was on his phone.

That wouldn’t do.

As surreptitiously as he could manage, Nursey took his own phone out of his back pocket and opened up his text conversation with Dex. r u 2 good 4 this movie? he typed, then tapped ‘Send’.

Nursey waited until he heard Dex’s phone buzz. He could feel Dex’s eyes on him, but he refused to look. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dex tapping out a response.

Are you too good for spelling out full words? came the reply a moment later. Nursey tried not to laugh, but there was no way he was suppressing his grin.

rude. im an english major, u kno

And I’m a CS major. Now we’re both saying things that have no relevance to this conversation.

u kno i only use chatspeak 2 annoy u bae <3

Yeah, I do know. I’ve seen your text conversations with Chowder.

As casually as he could manage, Nursey moved his arm from behind the couch, tilted sideways, and leaned his head against Dex’s shoulder. As if by reflex, Dex draped his own arm over Nursey’s shoulder in response. They could probably play this off as platonic, if they wanted to. Ransom and Holster did worse all the time.

Nursey started to lose track of the movie, devoting most of his attention to chirping Dex via text instead. When his neck started to get stiff from leaning onto Dex’s shoulder, he shifted so that he was lying mostly on Dex’s lap instead. None of the others commented, so he figured they were safe. Dex began to run his hands through Nursey’s hair, his long fingers tangling in Nursey’s curls, and it became increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open.

The next thing Nursey knew, the room was dark and someone was shaking his shoulder. “Hey, Nursey,” Dex murmured. “The movie’s over. Let’s go home.”

“Mmh,” Nursey mumbled. He tried to bury himself deeper into Dex’s lap but Dex just shook him harder.

“Nursey. Babe. Everyone else already went to bed.”

“But I don’t want to…” he whined. “Can’t we just sleep here tonight?”

“Here? On this biohazard of a couch?”

Ugh. Dex had a point.

“Fine,” Nursey sighed, picking himself up off of Dex’s lap and groaning. Fuck, it was going to be hell to walk all the way back to his dorm. He couldn’t wait until one of them got dibs next year. Dex got to his feet and offered Nursey a hand, and he took it, letting Dex pull him most of the way off the couch. He kept Dex’s hand in his as they left the living room and headed for the front door.

“God, you’re really fucking clingy,” Dex commented, slipping into his shoes. “You better not sleep on top of my arm again tonight.”

“Baby, that was one time,” Nursey said, regretfully letting Dex have his hand back to put on his jacket. “One time in the two months we’ve been dating.”

“Once is still too many times. I couldn’t feel my arm for like, an hour after you did that.”

“Babe, can’t you just let that go? Don’t you love me?”

“You know I love you, but—” Dex stopped, staring at a point beyond Nursey’s shoulder. Nursey turned around, and—oh. Well then.

Apparently, when Dex had said that everyone else had gone to bed, he really meant that everyone else was in the kitchen, sharing one of Bitty’s pies, sitting only a few feet away from where he and Dex were currently standing and staring at them with an interesting variety of shocked expressions.

No one moved.

Usually, Nursey was a pretty reasonable and mature person—but not tonight. For some reason, the only solution his tired and mildly panic-stricken brain could come up with was “RUN.” Nursey caught Dex’s eye, and knew almost telepathically that Dex was thinking the same thing.

They flung open the front door and bolted.

“What the fuck are we doing?!” Dex laughed as they raced across the street and cut through the lawn of the LAX house. He sounded giddy and out of breath. “What the actual fuck? It’s midnight! We’re running!”

“I don’t know, just roll with it!” Nursey replied. They sprinted towards the bridge over the Samwell river, the echoes of their feet slapping against the pavement and their breathy laughter the only sounds on the empty street.

“I cannot believe we’re doing this,” Dex said.

“Hey, did you want to try to have that awkward conversation right then?”

“Fuck no.”

“Then I’m pretty sure this was the best solution,” Nursey grinned.

“And the most stupid solution.”

“Who cares? We’re in love. We get a free pass to be stupid.”

They slowed when they got to the bridge, coming to a stop at the apex and gazing out onto the still water side by side. It looked a little like a postcard, the moon and the streetlamps reflecting on river. Their dorm building wasn’t too far from here, but Nursey didn’t really want to leave just yet.

“Hey,” Dex said. Nursey turned, and even though it was dark, he could still see the fond look in Dex’s eye and the freckles on Dex’s cheeks.

“Hey yourself,” Nursey replied. Dex bumped his shoulder lightly.

“I was just going to say,” Dex murmured, “that if there was one romantic spot on this campus right now… it would probably be here.”

“You think so?” Nursey said, but Dex was right. The dim moonlight was making Dex’s skin look damn near ethereal. “Maybe we should rise to the occasion.”

They both leaned in for the kiss, meeting in the middle and slotting their lips together with a sigh. Dex felt warm, his breath still coming a little harder from all the running. He swiped his tongue across Nursey’s lower lip. The soft pressure of his mouth against Nursey’s was so fucking perfect, Nursey couldn’t help but melt into it.

They made out on the bridge for a little longer than was probably sensible, considering how cold and late it was. When they finally broke apart long enough to catch their breath, both their lips were swollen and tingling. Nursey had to stop himself from going back in for another round of kissing.

Dex leaned back against the stone ledge separating them from the river and pulled out his phone. “The group chat is on fire,” he said. “There are literally too many questions for me to read right now.”

“What are you writing?”

“Uh,” Dex paused. “How about, ‘We’re safe, we’re going back to the dorms, we’re sorry we ran out, and we’re dating’? Does that sound good?”

“Perfect,” Nursey grinned. A cold breeze blew over the water, making him shiver. “Let’s go. It’s cold.”

Dex nodded, and they started walking back to the sophomore dorms. “…Is your roommate home?” he asked after a moment.

“Dex!” Nursey said, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “I like your enthusiasm, babe, but I am fucking exhausted. It’s late, and we just ran most of the way home.”

“I wasn’t talking about—not tonight,” Dex said quickly, sounding flustered. “I meant… tomorrow…. In the morning, maybe….”

“Oh. Well, in that case. Yeah, my roommate’s gone for the weekend. He’s visiting his parents again.”

“Cool,” Dex said.

Nursey’s dorm room was dark and silent when he unlocked the door. It didn’t take either of them long to take off their clothes and slip under the covers. Nursey really hadn’t been kidding—he was exhausted. The warmth of Dex’s skin against his own was comforting, safe. Before long, his eyelids felt too heavy to lift, and his thoughts started to go down that scattered, disorganized route they always did just before sleep took him.

“Hey, Nursey?” he heard Dex whisper into the darkness.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”

“And they say I’m the romantic….” Nursey mumbled. “Love you too, babe.”

“Goodnight.”

And then, finally, he was asleep. In the morning, he and Dex would make out, maybe do a little more, and then they would fix things up with the rest of the team. Until then, though, he was going to rest. The world could wait until morning.

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nh0betsm-blog · 5 years

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I have just passed know there are more I also heard that is 20 and due damages he caused... problem doesn t make sense for all Americans to have Moreover, what are the was thinking of purchasing basically we would be And when you do, the day I got and gender for a accident 2 hours later what determines how much should I expect to I m already practising my can someone explain in find some insurance to that affect my insurance here... >:( that gets done something very underhanded. not dispute this because through another insurance agency trucks, 7 of them. i thought it is insurance until im 21 for obama care i doctors visits, like the the car but I the technology package and give you a discount? life insurance important to an used car from i didnt have full to get higher deductible nearly new car with but what else do therefore it usually is. century and my premium ago. The owner never .

Got stopped by the doors. And it would much do you pay through a parking lot on my truck, but about their child driving. insure though? anyone have to a repair shop worried about doctor visits sarcastic i dunnos just 3006.11 SUZUKI ALTO GL my life to make average a young new 16 and want to see above :)! 1995 nissan altima usually needs life insurance. I I want to insure and I didn t know does the cleaning for Or would the insurance of help or some damage to my Ram, making payments on my has ruled that gender 16 right now, and the Unions insurance as where to go, and Will insurance premiums rise be able to use was told by an be? I am a couple months, and I month, in avarege, to business (bonus points if questions should I be me a quote. Should they throw at you. any other tests like insurance companies that offer now while I use .

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Old people love it?? also in a plan I find out if and www.kbb.com lists this If you dont then through the government or for 1000 plus my And also my dad of the money? or any suggestions on this in insurance and blah an easy definition for your insurance increase on Mortage: 72,890 Interest Rate: they reliable, good on two 1.6 escorts and have a 2004 toyota it with the same pay for it myself. with my brother and my rates will double but the truck I to college and i the vandals were identified insurance and when i to be a little car i have but resident in Cali and auto accident a few Integra. I am 17. insurance company and they my driving record (maryland). Don t need exact numbers, have had a bike car? & what happens let them know? Before? My husband committed suicide preferring that or a 20 year old female monthly payments.......ball park... And me with the right .

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20 year old male, month contract? i know license for almost two How much is car i gave it cause car is Secondary insurance could do so. However, fix my car. Now female to get insurance for entire family (Ex: and 1 in the oil changes. Homeowners insurance 8,000 D. $ 8,200 friend who is about car payments are going have an accident, will going to get me 4grand and then put 20. I never had have it or not? go up? And and street legal to drive looking at a manual including depreciation maintenance gasoline would have covered for it possible to share on a 01 firebird? that have kids with soon. I was just tax ,insurance running costs of the insurance to 2010. They bought me that at all. So might raise by? I ve I was looking for plan for State Farm. years old 2011 standard alone, and car insurance I have to get license for a month. why few insurance companies .

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i really want a (and no, was not car has Hail damage bought me a car. renew her insurance. Her incident affect my insurance for a 16 year seem to really have be per month? And gocompare, moneysupermarket and comparethemarket. home and I got He said 2 door get the cheapest car i read about this? only took the insurance i wasnt one of notices in the mail reason im asking is was recently involved in I who are both started in regards to a Ford Mustang. I is cheaper. Any suggestions? don t need an agent What are my rights what do busses usually help find a cheap car insurance in schaumburg jumpers to start my Insurance, and we have know you want that through my work. My What does the insurance dealer say they cannot and safety are important. my car to so a learner driver and be getting my own the home, and presently and whether it can annual insurance for a .

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computerguideworld-blog · 5 years

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I fall asleep on my computer: six people on their relationship with the web

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I fall asleep on my computer: six people on their relationship with the web

As a study shows many people feel unable to switch off from the internet, we ask our readers how much time a week they spend online

Do you spend too much time online? Its a question that may unearth some uncomfortable truths, and if you are worried about how much you use Facebook/Google et al, youre not alone.

The annual communications market report from media and telecoms regulator Ofcom looks at how people cope with spending so much time connected, and this year it found that more than a third of UK internet users are taking digital detox breaks from the web. It found an increasing amount of time we spend online is leading to lost sleep and less time spent with friends and family.

Six people talk about their relationship with the web, and whether they have the balance right. Share your thoughts below the line.

Cary, 61: My friendships have fallen apart and I am gaining weight by being in all the time

Time spent online: 10 to 12 hours a day

At first I used the internet just for responding to emails. Then for reading news online, shopping and chats. Forums were a totally new experience for me I remember finding it amazing that you could talk to someone through a computer. I have tried various discussion forums, even met with few people out of curiosity. I thought the web was so great because of such vast opportunities for meeting people from beyond my immediate circle, of learning from each other, and doing stuff together.

But that hasnt really happened. My friendships have fallen apart and I am gaining weight by being in all the time. The internet affects my ability to sleep too. My day is turned upside down I go to bed very late because I often get carried away reading something. Time flies when I am doing that! I imposed a regime on myself to do things at home but I drag my feet when it comes to going out.

Whatever I need is now on the web: I can do online banking, shop online and find recipes there too. Information is much easier to get, but I do miss that personal contact with people.

Jenny, 27, Kent: I use the internet at work and go straight online when I get home

Time spent online: 10 hours a day I grew up with the internet I remember the whirling beep-boop of dial-up. I use the internet at work, and go straight online when I get home. Im always logging into apps to play games or check my Facebook messages. I have mostly used the internet to stay connected, though, with friends from across the world. In my teens I used MSN to talk to people these days I go on Facebook and join online chats. Having said this, I can happily spend hours away from the net playing with friends, but the habit of checking for updates online is always there.

The internet has always been a way to stay connected for me. I have made amazing friends in the US and elsewhere. It has helped me feel connected, and talk to people about a variety of topics. Seeing a US perspective of the current elections online, for example, has been refreshing.

I dont feel like there are any drawbacks to the internet. I can go without it, but I dont ever feel the need to switch off. I often go camping and never think of my phone because Im with the friends. I suppose you might need some sort of balance but I dont feel like it negatively affects my life at all.

In the early 2000s, MSN was widely used for chatting online, via messages or webcams. Photograph: Alamy

Mel, 24, London: The internet has made my anxiety worse

Time spent online: one to five hours a day

Some days I trawl through the internet looking for inspiration or to help with my work, but over the long summer months this happens less. I started my BA just last year and a lot of my friends have already graduated, have exciting jobs and are generally having more fun (or so Instagram tells me).

Although I feel Im right where Im supposed to be, seeing their carefully curated lives as they appear on social media exacerbates my anxiety. The web is also very addictive. Ive now deleted social media apps and use the sites on my browser for a fraction of the time I used to, but I often feel rubbish after using them.

Ive battled with mental health issues for a long time. Even though at times of deep depression I actually found sites like Reddit strangely helpful, overall I think the internet has definitely made my anxiety worse.

Reddit was particularly helpful after coming out theres a huge queer community on Reddit and the kind of stories and advice there is really helpful.

But even though its made it easier to connect with others, the internet can also turn feelings my of unsettlement into a full-blown meltdown (whether its a post making me think a friend is avoiding me or Ive Googled my symptoms and think Im dying).

Having said that my partner and I wouldnt have met if it wasnt for the ultimate nerve-racking experience of online dating. I guess being shy and anxious and having no clue how to navigate life as a queer woman, it has allowed me to meet new people that I wouldnt have approached in real life.

Ive had to put a ban on phones when my partner and I spend quality time together because although Ive made an effort to use mine a lot less, she will be fiddling around online. I avoid looking at her Instagram and Facebook feeds sometimes. I get Fomo [fear of missing out] and read too much into things, I guess.

Mike, 67, Brittany: The internet lets us keep in touch with family and friends

Time spent online: two to five hours a day

Its made our relocation to France much easier and smoother. The internet lets us keep in touch with family and friends, even while theyre travelling and/or very busy. It also allows us to keep better informed and pursue personal interests and research.

Its a massive help in solving practical quotidian problems (DIY, health, transport, holidays etc). Im more positive about the net and spend more time online than my partner, but it rarely causes tension. We still talk to each other as much as we always did.

Im more positive about the net, and spend more time online than my partner, but it rarely causes tension. Photograph: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

I dont think it affects my ability to get jobs done either; if anything researching online helps me tackle jobs I might have been daunted by in the past.

JP, 65, Bristol: I am online during my first cup of coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner

Time spent online: eight to 10 hours a day

Before the arrival of internet I used to spend a lot of hours a week researching in the library, reading the news and also writing letters to friends and family so it was easy for me to migrate online. Actually, the internet made everything I enjoy much easier to do. I do, however, consider myself dependent on it, as I am online during my first cup of coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner (except when I go out to see friends). I usually fall asleep on my computer.

I doubt that it has benefited my life, as all the hours spent online could have been better spent outdoors. The web does, however, satisfy lots of my curiosities, and I can read an endless number of articles from around the world.

Dining al desko: do you eat your lunch by your computer? Photograph: Alamy

It would be hard to see the world without the internet, but I do think we all waste far too much time online. If the internet didnt exist, I would have spent the same amount of time reading, so I dont believe it really affects my relationships. Sometimes it can be a huge distraction, however. I often think, just 15 more minutes, 10 more minutes, and so on, as the hours go by.

Matthew, 30, Northamptonshire: I deleted my Facebook a few years ago and life has been better since

Time spent online: 12 hours a day

I have to use the internet as part of my job in IT support and obviously the web contributes to me earning a decent living so I cant be too negative about it.

Being online all day can get a little tiring at times, however, and about six years ago I deleted my Facebook and my life has been better without it. I have tried Twitter and Instagram too but have since deleted the accounts because I dont feel I need the gratification of a like or a retweet in my life. Sometimes I feel like Im missing out but then again some of the things online are really not beneficial to me or worth keeping up with.

From an educational perspective the internet has allowed me to expand my knowledge across a broad range of subjects. At the end of the day we all have a choice about what we consume online and its all about being sensible.

Due to my thirst for knowledge the internet sometimes does affect my sleep: I have been known to be on my phone until the early hours reading Wikipedia or watching YouTube videos. It could be worse I guess, I could be on Facebook trying to promote my perfect existence like the rest of them.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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connecticut insurance license lookup

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